#and when it's about singular people it's usually more negative

[taniahylian]

Tristes tropiques: The worst chapter in Reverse 1999

Alright, so I’ve wanted to talk about ch8 of the main story since I’ve finished it because it’s, imo, the worst drop in writing quality we’ve seen in the game so far. It has a lot of inconsistencies, things that aren’t explained or happen off-screen, and the emotional segments are rushed/not impactful enough, and about characters we’ve barely seen (excluding Anjo Nala, who is the best part of the chapter imo). Now, as you can see, this will be quite a negative take, so if you liked this chapter, please don’t let me ruin your fun lol. Also, it’ll have spoilers, so be warned.

Part 1: The representation.

Alright, had to get this out of the way first because it’s what everyone is talking about. The representation.

Is the representation bad? Yes. Really, really bad if we compare it with literally all other stories in the game. To put things in perspective, imagine if in the Notes of Shuori event nothing changed but they clamed this was Japan instead of China, yet characters still spoke in Chinese, had Chinese names, and many of the references were Chinese. That would have been outrageous, wouldn’t it? Well, that’s basically what happened here but with Brazil and other Latin American countries.

What they tried to do, basically, was dump all of Latin America (you, know a region that’s bigger and more diverse than Europe) into one singular “culture” and put this in fictional Sao Paulo. Why do I say that? Because many of the words they use for different things are in Spanish, and many characters speak in Spanish, have Spanish-sounding names, and reference things from other countries in Latin America. Also, one of the npcs, whose name I don’t care to remember, is literally a walking Mexican stereotype. To me what this says is that they didn’t do any research at all about Brazil (for those of you who don’t know, they speak Portuguese and are also far enough away from Mexico that these two cultures aren’t really comparable); enough that they couldn’t get even the language right, or even the geography or the Sao Paulo landscape, judging by what I’ve seen being said by Brazilian players.

Remember when they accurately portrayed the Secession building in Vienna? Or Jantar Mantar in Mor Pank? Or how they usually have characters speak small phrases in their native language, which is appropriate to the region and their character? Well, Bluepoch doesn’t, apparently.

Then there’s the whole “life here is hell, this is hopeless and everything here sucks” aspect of their portrayal of Sao Paulo (and their infamous tweet). This feels especially disrespectful when the story so far has always had quite a good amount of nuance. Vienna for example, having the contrast of being the “city of freedom”, yet having such a strict oppression of arcanists. Or San Francisco, having such a huge poverty and gang problem, yet still portraying the people living in these conditions as actual humans with hopes and dreams that they sometimes were able to accomplish.

And finally, to wrap up this representation thing… it feels disrespectful that the only Brazilian character we get is Mr. Duncan. Mainly because it seems he’s not really Mr. Duncan, but actually Mr. Karson. You know, an English man. I think they should’ve made Lopera Brazilian because so far having her be from Colombia adds nothing to the story, and if she was from Sao Paulo it’d make a lot more sense for her to be Vertin’s guide/translator in the city.

Okay, so that’s what we get from the representation in this chapter, which is pretty bad (haven’t read Anjo’s character story, which I’ve heard is better in this aspect, but that’s not actually part of ch8, so I excluded it). However, honestly I wouldn’t mind that much if the story had at least been good. So… let’s talk about that next, shall we?

Part 2: The story.

The good.

Okay, first let’s get the good things out of the way, because I don’t want to sit here and pretend that everything about this chapter was bad; that would be unfair and disingenuous.

I liked Lopera and Molly. They were interesting characters and have a lot of potential for the future of the story, which I really hope they deliver in future chapters.

I liked White Rum; she’s a funny character, and the concept of an Awakened pirate ship that has the skeletal hand of her former captain (Anne Bonnie, my favorite pirate of all time) is quite an interesting and unique idea, and I wish we got more characters like this. Also, I need to see her interact with Regulus lol.

I absolutely adored Anjo Nala. She’s the highlight of the story for me; an interesting, complex, and adorable character with a lot of potential for stories to tell, both about her past and her future. I really became attached to her over the course of this story, and I think they did a good job making you care for her… in this specific chapter. Don’t look back at versions 2.0 and 2.1 if you don’t want to get your fun ruined, because consistency is something they didn’t care about at all while writing this patch. And that brings us to…

The bad.

Buckle up my friends because what’s bad about this chapter is really, really, REALLY bad. Consistency is something they don’t believe in anymore, retcons are on the market, and setting up characters/settings/relationships is a thing of the past.

Does it sound like I’m being too harsh? Maybe, but it’s deserved, so idc.

Let’s start from the least bad, shall we? Anjo Nala’s hunger. In 2.0 and 2.1, as well as the first of Anjo’s monologues (the things you unlock after getting traces of a specific character), it’s implied that she can’t eat human food. Not that she doesn’t find it satisfactory, or that she doesn’t like it. It’s heavily implied she literally can’t eat it.

But then she steals some bread and Vertin gives her chocolate, and she eats both, so… what’s up with that? Also, they never really explain what her hunger is for. Was it really just normal human food? Or something else? In her trailer (which btw I wouldn’t consider it part of the main story because it’s a freaking trailer, but whatever) she “feeds on someone’s love” by using her tail. Okay, but then that person turns into a “walking corpse”. Does she have to do that every time she’s hungry? What happens if she doesn’t? Is human food substitute enough? The game never answers these questions, which is a mistake because this whole thing is a central part of Anjo’s character, as well as her turning from her bloodthirsty self to the Anjo we meet in this chapter.

And this brings us to my second issue… the inconsistency of Anjo’s character with the two events we had before this patch. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying anything she ever did was her fault since she was simply a slave following orders, and one thing that is consistent about her character is that she doesn’t like when people do give her orders. However, what really annoys me is how in 2.0 she was very bloodthirsty. Sure, she didn’t know J and his gang, and she had done these types of jobs before, but imo it would’ve been more consistent with the other patches if she was indifferent about killing them, rather than excited. 2.1 was slightly more consistent with ch8 when it comes to Anjo’s character, but it’s kind of implied it was all an act, and her “real” personality was that of 2.0.

Now, I’ve seen some ppl explain this as “well, in a wilderness interaction she says she acts however her master prefers her to”. Okay, but why put such important information in a freaking wilderness interaction and not in the main story??? You can’t even see those unless you have the character, and seeing as Anjo is limited, not everyone will have her. This is a fact.

Another problem I have with Anjo (this is the last, I promise) is that we’re not introduced to her again in ch8, which surely is a decision. Why? Because 2.0 and 2.1 aren’t part of the main story; they’re side events, which are time-limited and, at the moment, not available in-game. This is a problem because anyone who didn’t play those events for one reason or another will be very confused by Anjo Nala and how Vertin reacts to her. It would’ve been better if we were introduced to her from the pov of Lopera, for example, when she raided the Manus base and captured her. And then we could have Vertin run into her on the ship and explain to Sotheby (with a little more detail than what we got) that she actually met her before.

I’m just saying, this isn’t the first time we got a character in a main chapter that had been previously introduced only in an event (Marta/Bessmert), but in that case, if you missed the event, you could still fully enjoy the main chapter, because you wouldn’t even know that you were missing information. That’s not the case here.

And speaking of Urd… okay, let’s talk about how little sense it makes for the Foundation to want to find her in this chapter. In ch5 Vertin and her team found a suspicious radio that talked about a travel note about Aperion written by someone named “Urd”. In this case it makes sense for them to want to investigate, since the base Ms. Radio was in had things that belonged to the Manus, and they found some Manus followers there as well. Even after ch5 and everything that happened, it still makes sense for Vertin to want to keep looking for Urd because now she has the suspicion, based on what 6 said, that Urd is her mother.

However, although it makes sense for Vertin to want to find Urd, it doesn’t make sense for the freaking Foundation to want to find some random UTTU editor. Because that’s really all Urd is, isn’t she? She’s not the head of UTTU (that’d be Pandora), and the fact that she can traverse the storm, which is the only reason we’re given in ch8, is shared among all UTTU editors, as we learn from Barbara.

But even if we assume the Foundation wants to know how UTTU keeps its editors safe… first of all, why? We already have the equilibrium umbrellas, don’t we? We spent a whole chapter seeing their creation, and even saw ppl die for this cause. Why would they need yet another method for surviving the storm? If they instead suspected UTTU to be involved with the Manus somehow, and that’s how they’re traversing the storm, then at least give us that!

Furthermore, the Foundation already knew where she was! They were the ones who gave her the white marble chair with a button! If they just wanted to speak with her, surely a simply call would’ve sufficed? Why send Vertin?

And that’s another thing! Constantine knows Vertin’s mom, and I'm sure she’s not the only one in the Foundation who does, yet the Foundation tried to cover it up and tell Vertin that she doesn’t have a mother. Clearly they have some motivation for keeping it hidden, right? Then… why send Vertin specifically to search for Urd? Why not send some other random investigator, preferentially one with experience finding ppl? Why Vertin???

If Vertin had gone out of her own will, like in ch5, I’d have no problem with this, but no; the Foundation sent her this time. And I just can’t bring myself to understand why.

Maybe if Urd isn’t Vertin’s mom, that would explain this, but for now this makes no sense at all.

Next I want to talk about Lopera and Molly’s relationship. I said before that I truly liked their characters and their relationship, which is true, but… I wish it had been better stablished. Why? Because we had only had one, one single scene, of them together and the suddenly there was a grand betrayal and we’re supposed to feel bad for Lopera? Lmao.

If I felt slightly bad for Lopera it was because of the voice acting, the music and the art. I can assure you, not one single ounce of those feelings came from the actual story being told. It’s even worse when it comes to Igor because he barely exchanged words with Lopera, and all we know from their relationship comes from Lopera telling us “he’s better than my biological father”. And let’s not talk about Ptoleme. He literally only appeared to be a jerk for like five minutes and neither Molly nor Lopera seem to care much about him. How are we supposed to care about that entire family? They really don’t feel like a family at all (except for Lopera and Molly, but even then, it’s the bare minimum this chapter could do with this concept).

It would’ve been so much better if we had this whole chapter to stablish Lopera’s relationship with her adoptive family, with Zeno, the veterans and the Sao Paulo community, and then in the next chapter we could have the big betrayal be more impactful. But here? We barely spent any time with these characters!

And then we have the actual betrayal scene, which is… nonsensical. At best.

What happened in it? Molly arrived at the Colonel’s manor with her squad of Zeno soldiers and attacked the few Apostles Brotherhood ppl that remained, then says she’s glad that Lopera was able to rescue Dr. Dores and that they should all go back to the base. None of this is suspicious, imo, because Vertin had already told Lopera that she was going to call Zeno for reinforcements, specifically to assist with the rescue of Dr. Dores. It’s true that Molly hesitates a little when Lopera asks “what about the timekeeper?”, and that she dismisses Lopera’s concerns about evacuating Sao Paulo, but imo this shouldn’t be enough for Lopera to be so suspicious of her freaking sister. Also, why ask “who’s waiting for you in Tierra del Fuego”? Why would Lopera every think this was anything other than a mission from Zeno???

Sure, they didn’t tell her about it, but also she’s been gone from the base for a couple of days and she knows there’s been traitors and rebels. A lot could’ve changed in that time. Even if she didn’t want to leave because she got attached to Sao Paulo, I think it’s weird that she immediately was so confrontational about it, especially with her sister, who famously just follows their father’s orders without questions.

This could’ve worked if Lopera was already suspicious of her family beforehand, or maybe even of Zeno’s higher ups, or if Molly and her squad had just waltzed in without attacking the Manus or being attacked by them. But that’s not what happened. Also, if she really was suspicious, why not go back to the base and question Igor about this whole thing like Molly suggested? I don’t see why she immediately would think base=bad when her whole family and the army she’s part of is currently at the base.

Like, I get she already had trauma because of her biological father being a jerk, but that situation doesn’t seem to have anything to do with this one imo. All in all, what I’m saying is that the bad writing of this scene lessens the emotional impact.

And it’s not the only emotional scene that’s affected by the blatant bad writing in this chapter. No, that “honor” goes to the scene the trailer for this patch opens with; Anjo being ordered to kill Vertin by Ptoleme.

Okay, so as a refresher, Igor requests that his son, Ptoleme, is sent to the base because “he can only trust in his children because they always obey him”. Okay, so then what does Ptoleme do when ordered to bring back Kimberly, preferentially without a fuss? Of course, cause the biggest scene imaginable, which leads to Kimberly being freed.

Now, I wouldn’t be so harsh on him if his actions were reasonable but due to circumstances led to an unfavorable outcome for him, but that’s not what happened. Okay, he ordered Anjo to kill Vertin. Whatever, he’s a sadistic asshole, but this at least kinda makes sense. What makes no sense whatsoever is that he not only gave Vertin a gun because “he won’t shoot an unarmed civilian” (why does he care? Also ultimately he orders Anjo to kill her, so he wouldn’t have shot an unarmed civilian anyways), but also that he kept trying to make Vertin shoot Anjo.

Why? Just why? There was no reason for him to want Vertin to kill Anjo. None at all. And if what he wanted was to convince Anjo to kill Vertin… he can’t play both the “I’ll free you if you kill her” and the “Vertin, kill her, she’s a monster” cards at the same time. It makes him look like a pathetic moron with no sense of reality whatsoever, and in retrospective makes Igor look like a bigger idiot who doesn’t know his children at all. I think the reason they did this is because they wanted to replicate the infamous orange scene from ch2, but without all the logic, lore and emotional impact behind it, just hoping players would feel emotions by association.

And finally, we come to my biggest complain about this chapter: the retcon about how the storm works. Because yes, it is a retcon. Why do I say that? Mainly based on ch6.

In ch6 we learn that Heinrich, in 1912, left Vienna to study at Berlin. There, he met the Manus and joined them, surviving that storm, and subsequent ones, until time returned to 1913 and he went back to Vienna, reuniting with his old friends and telling them about the storm.

Now, how is this relevant? Well, from Heinrich’s story we learned two things; 1) you can indeed see again someone who was once reversed by the storm, but only if time ever goes back to that era, and 2) The fact that his friends recognized him and he recognized his friends, and his friends’ existence was consistent even though the storm had once reversed them. You see where I’m going with this, don’t you?

At the end of ch8, Vertin says “the storm doesn’t kill ppl, at least not physically”. Okay Vertin, did you have a lobotomy between chapters? The storm has never killed ppl; it’s just the end of an era, remember? It reverses time! It’s in the freaking name! The scariest part about the storm isn’t the storm itself, but the storm syndrome, which is when most casualties seem to happen. Sure, the storm sucked for Vertin because she kept traversing eras and losing the friends she made in them, but those friends remained anchored in their own time (perhaps with the exception of ppl who had already crossed the storm at least once, like The Ring and Isabella, but I digress).

My point is, that I really don’t like where this retcon is headed, but I do hope they somehow fix it in the future, either by making it clear that not everyone who gets reversed is reincarnated and there’s very strict conditions that should be met (like having knowledge about the storm, for example), or this hypothesis is wrong and the storm isn’t actually making ppl reincarnate.

One reason I especially don’t like this new reincarnation thing is that… Mr. Duncan isn’t Mr. Karson. Let’s not lie to ourselves. He looks nothing like Mr. Karson (and I wish the game would stop gaslighting me), doesn’t act like Mr. Karson, doesn’t speak like Mr. Karson, and doesn’t even have the same nationality as him! The only things that are similar about them is that they’re both old war veterans who once had a dog and now have a soft spot for young ladies. And if this is the approach they’ll use to bring back characters in the future… thanks, but I’d rather they stayed reversed.

Think about it! Will they next say that Anjo is Schneider? They look similar enough (more similar than Duncan and Karson, that’s for sure!), both were antagonists that joined the manus for reasons beyond their control, both had a fight with Vertin in which they almost got killed, and both have a snake bracelet on their left arm. Surely that’s enough to say they’re one and the same, according to this logic!

My point is that using such simple similarities, they can literally invent any new character they want and then say “this is actually this other character, who was once reversed by the storm”, regardless of if they’re actually similar at all, and I don’t think that people who wanted them to bring back Schneider or Marian, or Mr. Karson, or 888, or literally anyone, wanted them to be brought back like this.

But that’s enough of me ranting lol. What do you think? Did you like this chapter? What are your main complains about it?

To be clear I’m not saying we should stop playing the game or anything like that; from what I’ve heard the next event is actually good, and I have faith Bluepoch will listen to the players and make sure ch9 is better than whatever ch8 was, but it’s precisely this why it is important for us, as players, to speak out when we don’t like something so that Bluepoch knows they can’t get away with such blatant drops in quality.

Now, if you somehow made it to the end, thanks for reading!

[raayllum]

Change

+ Bonus

[emmabirb8]

Bill Cipher really is the funkiest little guy, isn't he?

He's a demon. He had parents. He destroyed his home dimension save for one singular atom. He was born different from the rest of his people and could see in 3D. He's a narcissistic maniac. He misses his mommy. He's a cruel, manipulative asshole. He accidentally got a little too attached and fell in love with a human, then had a drunken meltdown when they broke up. He created a throne of frozen human agony and tried to kill two twelve year olds.

He's incredibly lonely.

Personally, my biggest takeaway from The Book of Bill is the confirmation that my suspicions about him are (most likely) correct. Bill Cipher is miserable. He's been miserable since losing his family and entire home dimension, and everything he's done since then is nothing but one big attempt to distract himself from his mistakes.

Like, okay. I get that Bill is a master manipulator. He's a big fat liar, and everything he says and does is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. He wants readers and viewers to feel bad for him. He wants us to sympathize and woobify and get attached so he can use that to his advantage. BUT ALSO, I think The Book of Bill still sheds light on the fact that he IS broken deep down.

Everything that we know of Bill is almost entirely a meticulously constructed facade. He's a faker. He's all smoke and mirrors. He suffered a massive trauma (whether it happened on purpose or by accident is up for debate since he is nothing if not a horrendously unreliable narrator), and he had to find some way to cope. So he decided to live in denial. Denial of his failures, his true feelings, and, ultimately, everything that he is. He described the "entity" that destroyed his home dimension as a "monster," and, knowing what we know, that's what he believes about himself. He told Ford the answer of who that entity was would "eat [him] alive" and, in actuality, I think that was more of a thinly veiled admission that his deep-seated guilt over what he did eats him alive. Bill buried that guilt, all those negative feelings, all his mistakes deep, DEEP down, and then decided that if he was a monster, he might as well be a damn fierce one.

Bill became great at manipulation because that was the key to making his whole scheme work -- if he could control what everyone thought of him, make people fear him, bend them to his will and squeeze whatever he can out of them, he could be the meanest, nastiest, most cunning monster to ever exist, and he could keep living in denial. They can't make fun of you for your differences, for being weird (something I suspect happened to him in his home dimension) if you're the KING of weird and can kill with the snap of your fingers. If they fear you, they won't look too closely, into the tiny minuscule cracks in your facade, and see the painful truth.

Bill leaned hard into his role as Nightmare Demon to fool himself into believing all of that too.

But like I said, he's lonely. He has no one (besides his "henchmaniacs," but they're no substitute for real connection). I find it SO interesting how he speaks to Ford in The Book of Bill. "We both know you don't really want to be left alone. Admit it, you LOVE how important I make you feel. . . . [N]obody else really gets you, do they? Without me, you'll always feel unseen, surrounded by dolts who don't recognize your true potential. You've always felt alone in a crowd, haven't you? . . . you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow, who would even miss you?" -- I think he's projecting. Those are all things that are true about himself and his connection to Ford, but he's pinning it on Ford because he can't bring himself to face it head on.

Bill Cipher is a villain. He's evil. He's a demon. He really did ALL OF THAT.

But he is also a pathetic dorky sopping wet meow meow of a character who is constantly desperately trying to run away from himself.

And now, in the Theraprism, he has no access to his usual coping mechanisms. He has no choice but to finally face reality and figure out a way to do what he's been avoiding doing for literal millennia: to just be.

[lightofraye]

Perfectly Imperfect

So... a mutual sent me a link, facepalming as they did so. Puzzled, as the preview seemed... odd. Like... it's obviously a Heller (the tweeter), given the person's username and such. That any one of them would be this "negative" of Jensen was incredible.

My mutual urged me to click and read, as the preview did not do it justice.

I read the whole thread... and wanted to headdesk. It's pure objectification, through and through. Google assisted in this definition: to treat a person like a tool or toy, as if they had no feelings, opinions, or rights of their own.

Now I know that seems like a stretch, perhaps, but it isn't. Every single thing this person listed was purely about Jensen's looks, voice, body. Not a singular thing about him as a person. Where's the talk about his career? Stuff he's shared in conventions? Past roles that really had an impact?

I almost never see this. All I usually see is whining of lack of content, misreading/misunderstanding something that may be related to him (see Culture Crave's post about Amazon's shows or how Damian Holbrook stated OTH's reboot was fanfiction at the moment), or insistence that he never did anything wrong.

He must always be perfect.

You wanna hear the problematic things that he's done that the AAs ignore/defend/deny?

How about how he participated, by order of CW, in YANA? Because CW saw how Jared was capitalizing on Always Keep Fighting as a personal charity and wanted in--and Jared said no. So Jensen and Misha were ordered, essentially, to do YANA.

How about when CW was insulting (no honestly they were) Mark Sheppard by offering him (and Misha) regular star roles in Supernatural... with guest star pay? Mark asked Jared, Jensen and Misha to stand with him in demanding to be paid the regular salary for the role... and guess what? Misha caved. Jensen caved. The only one who didn't was Jared. There's a reason why those two are still good friends.

How about when Jensen went about The Winchesters? No matter how you twist the narrative it changes nothing of the truth: Jensen did not buy Supernatural's IP. That would've cost upward of $100 million or more and the WB/CW would never sell a successful IP. All they did was go "Sure, you could play in our playground." He got Kripke's blessing. But he did not talk to Jared. No, he didn't need Jared's permission, but it would've been professional courtesy to include him in the very idea, the process, to be all "Hey, I wanna do this, you don't have to be included, I'm just letting you know I'm interested in this attempt." Jared probably would've been "Okay, cool. Have fun. Thanks for telling me."

Jensen's failure to do so made Hollywood go "Dayum, dude, not cool."

We see it again in how the One Tree Hill reboot went. CMM, Joy and James are all saying "Yeah, we weren't consulted, so we're not doing it."

It could've been a ten minute phone call. There's zero excuse for not calling them.

Then Jensen insulted fans far and wide by accusing them of not being true fans if they didn't watch The Winchesters. That "hate watching" was a thing. That's just downright rude of him and he never apologized for mistreating fans like that. They were right to be upset; he could've just said "I hear you. You're right. Not cool of me."

Lastly, and not least, how he failed as an executive producer. (Danneel was no better with her claims how it was "so easier than acting". My god woman, shut up.) It is an executive producer's responsibility to ensure safety, that everything runs smoothly on set... and he didn't. He was barely there. Danneel was barely there. And a man nearly lost his life over it.

These are just the ones on the top of my head.

I know what some will say: "Well, you're just hating on Jensen! Jared's no better!"

And you'd be right. (What? Shocker! Yes, I know Jared's not perfect either. Geez, people.)

Jared's done and said things that weren't all that great either. While he never intended to have this person get doxxed (as he never shared their real name), some fans figured out who did a shitty customer service job and doxxed them. Supposedly he's said some not so great things as well. That bar fight? Yeah, okay... not great. He owned up to it, though, and followed the procedure the courts laid down for him for his probation/community service.

I also see these two men as very decent men. Jared is adorable, I love his ongoing talk of trying to destigmatize mental health. He seems very secure in himself and is content with who he is. Jensen is a wounded soul, and I can see the good in him.

It's time we actually acknowledge Jensen is flawed. That the AAs keep pushing the "perfect" narrative is doing no one favors, especially him.

[sysmedsaresexist]

What does "less than one personality" mean?

Is it ableist, dehumanizing, or harmful?

Spiegel was the clinician who first put forth this idea in 1993, when MPD was being renamed to DID. It was said that those with DID did not have "multiple personalities", but rather "a dissociated identity," or "less than one personality".

I think Middleton explained the concept best.

Characteristically people with DID switch between different identity states, none of which has the full range of memory and the full range of affect that an integrated personality that's non-dissociative has.

One way of conceptualising it is, yes, people with this condition switch between different identity states, but it can be usefully conceptualised as not so much as having multiple personalities but having access to less than one personality in any context or in any time. So if they are confronted with a certain event, a person with DID in that particular state summons up what resources that they can lay their hands on in that state, but that may mean that that precludes them from the full access to other resources or memories that may help their decision-making, which sometimes represents a situation where they do things that appear very unusual or reactive in a way that is totally out of keeping with the circumstances.

Carolyn Spring also has a good description:

Dissociative disorders are characterised by ‘a disruption in the usually integrated functions of consciousness, memory, identity or perception of the environment’. So for example memories and feelings may not go together – memories may be recalled with no accompanying affect or emotions, or there may be overwhelming feelings with no conscious memory of their cause. There is also often a lack of a coherent sense of autobiography, and this itself leads to problems with a sense of identity – ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What has happened in my life?’ This all results from dissociation acting as a creative survival mechanism in the face of overwhelming trauma, whereby the mind shields itself by segregating the experience, or splitting it off into its constituent parts rather than experiencing it as what would be an unendurable ‘whole’.

As a concept, this has nothing to do with personhood or ability to function as separate people-- though many alters do lack access to significant portions of memory and emotional growth that would inhibit and disrupt their ability to act completely independent of the system, and it ignores the internal communication and teamwork that makes sharing information across alters a key part of healing and treating DID.

It's really frustrating when people without DID/OSDD start making really broad, misleading statements about this topic, and pushing it as something negative or wrong based on made up arguments.

Frequently, topics that have nothing to do with the concept are dragged into it (like personhood) in order to make it look and sound worse than it really is.

You see people say things like, "The phrasing I more often hear is that alters are each part of the whole collective personality. This is based on a philosophy that a "person" is the biological human, and they therefore have a singular "personality.""

I have never heard anyone say that, and it's extremely misleading and flat out wrong.

It's rare that people specify what the parts make up, but typically, it's "person" or "individual".

It is important to bear in mind that the parts ‘are not actually separate identities or personalities in one body, but rather parts of a single individual that are not yet functioning together in a smooth, coordinated, and flexible way’. The ultimate work of therapy is to facilitate an increased coordination between these parts, so that they can indeed function together and perhaps even merge or ‘fuse’. By working on increased communication and cooperation between parts, often there is a corresponding increase in levels of co-consciousness, which can help the DID client to feel in much better control of their life.

Even the ISSTD says "person".

Although the DID patient has the subjective experience of having separate identities, it is important for clinicians to keep in mind that the patient is not a collection of separate people sharing the same body. The DID patient should be seen as a whole person, with the identities sharing responsibility for daily life. Clinicians working with DID patients generally must hold the whole person (i.e., system of alternate identities) responsible for the behavior of any or all of the constituent identities, even in the presence of amnesia or the sense of lack of control or agency over behavior.

Now while the philosophical view could be SAID to lead to one person = one personality, it doesn't mean that the connotation behind that is appropriate in this case.

And it's not even true. Even if I was one "person"-- as in, I had a full, continuous memory stream, I would still have different "personalities" for different situations.

Like every person does.

Even we, as alters, can change and adjust our personalities based on situational needs.

Not only do we share this brain and body, but I am not the full person I would have been if I had integrated the trauma and full range of memories from my childhood and adolescence. I would probably be more scared of people, of commitment, I might be more or less scared of public speaking, of wearing more vibrant clothing, I might have different interests or pursued different avenues of education and work. How would my (MY, me, as an alter) advice to other survivors be different if I had access to all of the memories?

Who would we have become if we hadn't had to break apart the continuity of our memory and consciousness to survive?

We are now parts of one person, together holding one whole, continuous stream of memory (plus extra), living this life together as best as we can, with access to what we can offer each other in terms of advice and ideas from our own limited resources.

[gerudospiriit]

[Alright, I warned you guys. Here's that juicy PSA I promised you all. It's going to cover an array of different topics that I feel need addressing and general clearing up. At least in regards to how I view things and operate here on this blog. I also hope this doesn't scare my new followers away alkjsf.]

First things first and maybe doesn't need to be said but, in case some people haven't noticed, I am pretty opinionated, and I will share my opinions here if I feel like it. However, I will never spout any negative opinions about any singular person here on this blog. I have never done it and I will never do it, explicitly or implicitly. That's not how I operate. I do my best to only give opinions and critique of general topics like overall trends in the rpc, general headcanons or fanon that are fairly widespread in the community/fandom I don't necessarily care for, and fictional characters I'm not a fan of. While I can't tell you how to take my posts, I can assure you that nothing I post here is ever, ever meant to offend or be an attack on any one person (or really be an attack at all). This goes for IC, dash commentary posts as well. I'll get to those more in a minute though.

If you don't like this kind of thing, that's perfectly fine. If you're not comfortable interacting with me because of that, it's absolutely fine. But what ISN'T fine in my book is if you take my words and posts and twist them into things they aren't or try to demonize me for nothing remotely harmful. Again, I can't control how you take my posts, but I know that I don't post anything that's inherently problematic. A hot take or unpopular opinion here and there, but again, it's nothing that's outright attacking any one person or vague blogging or being generally toxic at all. As I said, I don't attack people with my posts, but I'm not going to walk on eggshells when sharing my thoughts because some people might take them personally. I will always be careful about this and sensitive material in general. All I can say is that my posts are never meant to be personal attacks, and if you really feel one is, tell me! I would rather be able to explain myself or my mindset than end up with people thinking I'm being toxic when I'm absolutely not. That or just unfollow me. Block me. Whatever you need to do. I'm a firm believer in tailoring your own experience so if that's what you need to do, then there are no hard feelings.

Now to get into the real nitty gritty of this post: a few reminders/how I generally view certain aspects that get tossed around a little too generously in the RPC. Keep in mind all of these have their own nuances, but in general, the stuff I'm going to say is usually true.

💥Mun=/=Muse and vice versa. It shocks me that I need to talk about this in 2023 but I guess it bears repeating. My opinions are not my muse's opinions, nor are her words, opinions, and actions mine. What I say about a topic or character or anything aren't necessarily what Nabooru thinks, and what Nabooru says or thinks about a character isn't necessarily how I feel about them.

Additionally, I will not take anything said IC or OOC about Nabooru personally, and no one else should take anything negative said about their muses as a personal attack. I understand we love our muses, but it's absolutely paramount to not take one character or mun (within reason) saying something we don't like about our characters as a sleight to ourselves as real people. Just like in real life, some muses won't like our muses. Some muns might not like our (canon) characters in general. But if we, the muns, constantly take offense to our muses being disliked in any way, we're all just going to be miserable. Obviously there will always be caveats to this--like someone specifically targeting YOUR iteration of your muse or your OC--because sometimes, people are just being assholes. But in most cases, it's not that deep.

💥 Dash Commentary/Not All Muses Are Nice On a related note, in character dash commentary is just that: the character making commentary about things happening on the dash. Once again, even if the commentary is one muse being shady about another, it's very, very likely not a personal attack on YOU the MUN, and it's best to remember once again that muse does not equal the mun. Dash commentary is meant to simply allow characters to comment on the events of the dash and potentially strike up interactions. It should not be taken personal by the muns.

It's good to also remember that not all muses are nice. Some are flat out evil and cruel. Not all of them will like your muse. That's what makes roleplay fun and interesting. Muns should not be demonized and penalized because they play a muse that isn't always the easiest to get along with. My advice to you is that, if you don't want interactions that aren't all sunshine in rainbows, don't follow blogs with muses that are rougher around the edges.

Also, I would make it clear in your rules that you're not open for any kind of confrontational of confrontational adjacent threads. If it's not for you, it's totally okay! We're all here to have fun. But it's better to be honest about it up front than to have someone's muse come to yours with beef.

💥 "Vague Blogging" Accusations of harmful "vague blogging" has honestly become a pet peeve of mine. I've seen it thrown around willy nilly and it's really just insane to me. In my experience and what I've observed with other people, on occasion, the term "vague blogging" gets tossed around any time someone is offended by another person's post, even if it is a general opinion about something general someone saw--that might not have even been the offended person's post!- and wanted to comment on. While I understand there is absolutely times where people ARE being toxic and are "vague blogging" specific people to be passive aggressive, more often than not, I've seen people call a simple opinion post that doesn't jive with theirs "vague blogging." I've seen someone saying they disagree with a take called "vague blogging." If we let simple internet commentary and disagreement get labeled as "vague blogging," we might as well say that everything on the internet, especially social media sites, is just all "vague blogging" other people. That voicing your opinion about something on the internet is just "vague blogging" the person who you disagree with. And I think most of us have been online long enough to understand how ludicrous that is.

In truth, most "vague blogging" that gets called out is basically just internet dialogue, and we need to be more mindful about calling innocent opinions, whether it seems based on something you said or not, "vague blogging," especially in a negative sense, when it's harmless. People should be able to express their opinions and disagree with other people if they want to without being accused of vague blogging and demonized. In fact, we should probably get rid of the term vague blogging altogether because it's too vague (heh) and broad and invites this kind of paranoia that isn't helpful to anyone. If someone is being mean or toxic, that should just be what it is. We don't need a technical term for it.

And I get it. Someone expressing their disagreement moments after you can feel like a personal attack (and sometimes, it might be). But I think that's the crux here: a "vague blog" has to be an actual attack on the PERSON making the comment over attacking the TOPIC itself (a good thing to remember in general tbh). Which, with how internet lingo is can be difficult to pick out; being Generally Mean in a Joking Way is just kind of normal. So I get why it can be easy to jump to an accusation of someone being an ass, but we need to either do better about picking it out and not calling every post disagreeing with us "vague blogging" OR start getting better about communicating with people when we DO think it has happened (and not on anon, either).

A few examples from how I understand vague blogging:💢OP: *makes a post about how much they love Ze.lda in B.reath of the W.ild and her growth in the memories*Not "Vague Blogging": I'm not a fan of how Ze.lda was portrayed in B.reath of the W.ild. I know a lot of people like her, but this iteration just wasn't it for me. "Vague Blogging"/ Potentially Problematic: Only childish morons like Ze.lda in B.reath of the W.ild. She needed to grow up and so do you. 💢OP: *posts about how they can't stand Gan.ondorf and wishes Nin.tendo would just let him die and make another prominent villain already*Not "Vague Blogging": Gano.ndorf is a great character with a lot of subtle complexities that make him a more nuanced villain than many fans and even the writers these days give him credit for. "Vague Blogging"/ Potentially Problematic: If you want Gan.ondorf to never return to another Zelda game, you're just too stupid to see and understand how brilliant his character is.

To me, language is everything when it comes to problematic vague blogging. There really is a difference in being an ass to someone and about their post and simply expressing your opinion about it. As I said, it's hard to really pinpoint actual vague blogging versus someone just maybe passionately giving their opinion/using the internet's habit of being insulting in a joking way, but I guess I would say the best rule of thumb is what I said earlier: are they attacking you, the person, or the opinion/take/what have you? And if that's unclear and you're truly hurt by the post, talk to the person. Ask them what they meant and let them know that it felt like an attack on you as a person. Or just unfollow, block, etc. and move on.

If we want to keep labeling vague blogging as something that's ALWAYS negative and harmful, then we need to only call the stuff that's negative and harmful vague blogging. Not every opinion that doesn't jive with ours should be demonized.

💥 Which brings me to my final point: tailor your own experience. If you don't like how someone runs their blog for any reason, you're not obligated to stick around. While we should all try not to be dicks to each other, it's ultimately your responsibility to ensure you're not being exposed to content or people you don't want to be. And it should be no skin off anyone's nose if that's what someone ultimately decides. At the end of the day, we're all just here to have fun. If something someone is saying or doing makes you uncomfortable, you're not obligated to stick around. Unfollow, block, blacklist, and whatever else you need to do and move on. It's really that simple.

💥 Bonus: a person sharing their feelings is NOT manipulation probably 99% of the time. As with all of these, this isn't always the tried and true case because people suck sometimes. But people sharing how they feel about something or how something someone did to them made them feel should not be automatically branded as manipulation. Listen to each other and take into account EVERYONE'S concerns or feelings. I'm not saying every person coming into your IMs has a legitimate grievance with something you said. As I've alluded to, there is always a chance someone will take something you said differently than you intended it. Give them the space to express their concerns. And if you're on the other side, give the other person a chance to explain their meaning, apologize if needed, and come to a mutual understanding no matter how that looks. Don't lecture each other. Don't call each other names or demonize each other. Just...communicate. Like normal humans. Which I know is hard for all of us gremlins here but the lack of communication on this website is what makes it such a hellsite. We would rather jump to the worst case scenarios and slander someone across the community for what was maybe an innocent mistake or a moment of emotional weakness (we all have em) rather than just having a conversation to try and figure it out and understand each other. It's something I think we need to all work on to change.

And I think that's about all I wanted to bring attention to. At the end of the day, this is all just a dumb hellsite that we're all trying to have a semblance of fun on playing pretend. But it's also The Internet and you're going to find things and people you're not a fan of. People are going to say things we don't like. But, as much as I hate to put it this way, I think we collectively in some cases to use a bit more common sense and grow a bit of a thicker skin so we can better understand what is and isn't a personal attack and the like. If we do that, I think we'll all have a generally better time here and on the interwebs in general.

[local-pr1nter]

Mondo Oowada Dynamics Pt. 1

NOT MY GIF THE SOURCE IS AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT

(*Quick note! I address Chihiro with he/him pronouns!)

To start off, let's start with his own class, class 78.

At first everyone thought of him as this intimidating delinquent, not knowing what else to think of him and typically steering clear of him. Aoi, Byakuya, and Kiyotaka had the most negative opinions on him at first.

Leon, Sayaka, and Makoto were the first ones to actually see past the delinquent exterior and befriend the biker.

Hifumi, Celestia, Kyoko, Mukuro, and Sakura remain indifferent to the biker.

Junko finds it hilarious to rile him up - often getting him in trouble with Kiyotaka or their teacher. Mostly Kiyotaka. Mondo isn't particularly fond of the fashionista.

Eventually Kiyotaka and Mondo challenge each other to an endurance contest - and they quickly become friends the next day. It's jarring for everyone, but it actually makes everyone else relax - just a tiny bit.

Chihiro, Aoi, Sakura, and Yasuhiro start to open up, extending their own companionship towards the biker as well.

Byakuya, Hifumi, Celestia, Junko, and Mukuro continue to ignore the biker. They don't exactly become friends - only tolerating each other through extended friends.

Mondo clings on to a few students - Kiyotaka, Chihiro, Leon, Makoto, Sayaka, and Yasuhiro, seeing all of them as good friends.

And oh boy do they get into trouble.

Mondo and Leon always get into trouble - nothing serious, just ditching class or playing nonsensical jokes on each other. They're mostly seen as the delinquents of the class, when they're actually just two dorks sharing one singular braincell.

MONDO AND CHIHIRO ARE GYM BROS YEEEEEEAH

Mondo is Chihiros biggest hype man.

Chihiro looks up to Mondo, always boosting his confidence and erasing his doubts about his masculinity (not completely but it definitely helps ease it a bit)

They're homies.

Makoto tends to be more of a chill friend when compared to Leon.

Makoto reminds Mondo of Takemichi - acting as a calm voice of reason to contrast his brash, impulsive actions.

But still a chill dude, yk?

They don't hang out all that often, but when they do it's a pretty chill hangout, mostly talking about their life over lunch or smth.

Sayaka took one look at Mondo and said "Yeah that's a friend shape right there"

But in actuality they bonded over his makeup Sayaka is OBSESSED.

All it took was one session of doing each other's makeup before they were glued at the hip. Sayaka loves to do his nails or eyeshadow, and they often binge shows together or gossip about other students

The best way I can describe it is a male/female pairing that people think they're dating, when in reality they're just besties. Or mlm and wlw solidarity whichever tickles your fancy.

Yasuhiro was that one dude that Mondo wasn't all that sure about at first - thought he was some weirdo that was constantly on w33d.

And then he figured out he was just like that. That was just his default state.

It got much easier to get along after that revelation.

They're pretty chill when they hang out too. Not chill/relaxed like Makoto, but a chaotic type of chill - which makes zero sense but I'll try to elaborate.

Yasuhiro spouts random bullshit - Mondo eventually latches onto one topic - they converse over said bullshit topic, usually resulting in heated debates or staying up past midnight.

It's really rare, as they mostly hang out through mutual friends, but one on one hangouts? It's either that one video of a drunk guy swinging around a belt, then getting restrained by another guy with said belt - or the two guys arguing over the Wicked Witch of the East.

If I could find the video I would share it but noooooo I suck at searching

And then there's Kiyotaka.

KYOUDAI

As many others, I adore their dynamic. Platonic or romantic, they're great.

For this I'll just focus on platonic stuff.

Literally glued at the hip. By default they hang around each other, doing everything together unless something comes up.

On Mondo's end, he helps Kiyotaka relax and learn to have fun while they're still in high school. This ranges from late night drives, video games, and hang outs with their classmates. Mondo adores his kyoudai!! Normalize male friendships!! I love their ship but I love their friendship/brotherhood just as much AHHHHH

Oh and Mondo likes to cuddle all of his close friends.

You gotta pry him off with a crowbar.

Man got big to hug his friends and dogs simultaneously.

OH AND THERE'S THE TWO GIRLS THAT TERRIFY HIM.

Kyoko's mere aura scares the shit out of him. She is intimidating, but he'll never admit it due to pride.

The same goes with Toko, but it's more understandable as everyone is scared of Toko and Syo. He can tolerate Toko, but Syo? No way in hell.

He can tolerate Kyoko though.

I think they would get along pretty well in both a romantic or platonic aspect.

But platonically? They're a crime solving duo. Mondo's the brawn, she's the brain.

Man I really need to separate this into another part just to expand on the more negative dynamics huh-

Also can y'all tell Mondo is one of my favorites he's great-

[shiningnightstars]

INTRO

Hello! We are the Worm Collective, and this is the host and body, Star, speaking! For the sake of this post, I will be referring to us as a singular. (IRL friends - if you are seeing this post and seeing this information, please don't ask about it and don't tell anyone else about it! If I feel ready to tell you, then I will tell you. Thank youu <2)

More info + DNI below the cut!

- I am a minor, and I am aroace and have two queerplatonic partners! My partners are @eepymallowmarsh and @the-nintendo-dsi (malice).

- I am a system of about 50 or so other people, though I'm usually the one in front!

- I am xenogender! What xenogender specifically? Well. That's for you to know and me to find out.

- yes you read that last point correctly.

- I am an artist! If you want to commission me, feel free to DM me and ask! Just keep in mind that I'm a minor, of course. (I also can only do commissions for Discord Nitro or other various video game currencies (i.e. robux for Roblox, zophan canisters for Pokéfarm, etc))

- As a system, I prefer to be referred to as a singular by other people unless you are specifically referring to the entire system. I mostly use we/us/our when referring to the whole system myself, and the others in the system usually use we/us/our when referring to the system or the body or any of my family or friends or any I own, etc.

- Ask me to tag anything you need tagged, or if you need plain text or alt text tell me as well and I can add that!

If I think of anything else I'll add it lol

HYPERFIXATIONS

(* means big hyperfixation right now)

Undertale/Deltarune (@greyro-undertale-enjoyer) [Fav: Papyrus]

Bug Fables (sideblog: @star-shaped-bug) [Fav: Leif]

Splatoon (3) [Fav: Frye]

Entomology (sideblog: @star-shaped-bug) [Fav: Beetles!!!] *

Animator VS Animation [Fav: Purple] *

OCs (mine and friends) [Fav: All of them]

In Stars and Time/START AGAIN: A Prologue [Fav: Isabeau] *

Murder Drones [Fav: N]

Ride the Cyclone [Fav: Ricky]

Gravity Falls [Fav: Dipper]

Project Sekai [Fav: Saki]

Cookie Run: Kingdom [Fav: polychampions] ***

Hermitcraft [Watching Grian since S6]

Third life series [Fav: Dersert Duo/Ranchers]

OneShot [Fav: The World Machine] **

DNI

I'm not really too strict on my DNI, however — DNI if:

Syscourse (if you're anti-endo but are at LEAST chill about it and not pushy then you're fine)

Pedophilic/"Minor Attracted Person" (not interested. go away and get actual, genuine help.)

Transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic, TERFs, aphobic, xenophobic/racist, ableist, etc.

Don't like interacting with minors

Mean to my partners

Call people crybabies, view crying as a negative thing for everybody to be ashamed of, harass people for crying, etc.

Bored and wanna be mean to someone (I'll just block you and delete whatever you said. It's pointless lol)

You don't pass my vibe check (aka I block you)

If you are on my DNI, then just block and move on! Thank you! Also if you get blocked by me, you do NOT reserve the right to know why I blocked you. Please just move on.

TAGS

#starling sings - star speaking tag

#my art - my art

#other's art - other people's art

#important - things I deem important knowledge

#favorites - my favorite posts

#favorites favorites favorites - my favorite favorite favorite posts

#my qpp - posts about Mallow

#my qpp 2 - posts about Malice

#[___] tag - other headmate speaking tag

#oc: [___] - tag for my OCs

I have so many tags this section will likely be updated the most.

EXTRAS

I ran the blog @mini-games! I have a lot more followers on that blog so if you followed me and don't know why cause you forgot, then it's possible that's why.

Tag me in anything related to bugs please! Whether you tag my main (this blog) or my bug sideblog is up to you. It is my goal to be the bug enjoying mutual.

Talk to me about my OCs. Btw. If you are bored and are curious.

Also feel free to send me any photos of your pets!!! I love animals and I love seeing them!!! Let me see your animals!!!!!

Have a great day/night/timezone! o/

credit for the dividers: @enchanthings

[emmaelt]

On being diagnosd with AUDHD

It’s so unbelievable. I’m learning so much about myself this year, I keep joking I’m having an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ year but it’s just ‘Body, Brain’. Maybe there's another B I'll find before the year is out.

With perspective, I don’t think I’ve really ever had depression - the only antidepressant I’ve tried is one that works best for ADHD people and now I know that that’s me it makes sense! - I think I’ve had meltdowns, burnout, and sensory issues the entire time? And I just always (tried to) push through and do my best but it’s never really gotten any better for me and my brain.

But now it’s like my entire life has been foggy and blurry and I’ve got glasses! Like my mum's story about getting glasses as a child and realising the trees have leaves from far away, or looking up and seeing actual stars. I feel like that’s what Adderal has done to me this week. But not just with being able to finally have a singular thought, but also in terms of day to day stuff that used to be actually painful for me.

I can put my clothes away now without crying first? And I still get sensory issues with stacking the dishwasher, but I don’t need to like psyche myself up for it as much. I’m not constantly narrating my own actions or having like an internal debate about every single fucking thing I have to do? The Autism stuff is still there - I’m reading this really fascinating book called ‘Unmasking Autism’ by Dr Devon Price that's really fucking me up (in a good way). But now that I know why I find things difficult, I can ask for things I need. I'm beginning to understand my own needs after supressing them for so long.

I went to the hygienist earlier in the month, and for the first time in my entire life I did not cry in my car from overstimulation after because I wore earplugs and had my noise cancelling headphones? And when I booked my haircut (first in over a year!) I told them I’d get overwhelmed and I don’t like wet hair on my neck and I’d wear headphones/earplugs, and the lovely person said if it was too loud they’d do it upstairs where it was much quieter! Who knew that I could ask for things I need, and most people would accomodate me?

I also am starting to let people know when I’m talking to them that I’m audhd and they seem to like me more? I don’t know, that one’s hard to explain, but the book I mentioned says that phenomenon is backed by experiments and research?

My brain is just 100 miles an hour but all going in the same direction now instead of bouncing about in a chamber like atoms or something. I can follow one cohesive thought from the moment I have it. Difficult (bad/negative/troubling/intrusive) thoughts are harder right now, because I can't distract myself from them as well.

So far on the meds - I know that my body always overreacts to meds/is more sensitive, so we started at a really low dose and even so, wow. I was more productive on Sunday afternoon (first dose at 6am that day) than I had been for the entirety of October. I currently have 0 unread emails and it’s revolutionary for me. My husband actually made me take a break because he didn’t want me to burn out, but even so I went to bed 4 hours later than normal… getting maybe 7 hours of sleep from my usual 10 I require is quite a difference for me - and I woke up at 5am Monday ready to go? Who is she?!?!

My brother said he feels that starting meds later in life compounded its positive impacts, as he developed so many coping mechanisms he wound't have otherwise. He said it was like going from 85% effective (70% base + 15% coping mechanisms) to 115%.

I’m so glad he feels that way, but I think maybe he has much lower support needs than I do, maybe because I’m both autistic and ADHD? I would have taken this medication over all of my struggling to learn how to barely manage (not thrive, I feel) any day. I feel like I’ve only ever had maybe 40% effectiveness, even with coping mechanisms. Even with being from an extremely privileged background, being highly educated, and really fucking smart.

How are other people without those things expected to manage?! None of my friends are even able to be seen on the NHS, as their GP's won't even refer them. I’m trying to not feel really devastatingly bad that I’m having such a different experience than them.

I was fortunate enought to have a parent who was proactive, she took me to like a new child psychologist or educational therapist every year when I was at primary school. They diagnosed me with dyslexia, but actually I’m hyperlexic. I eventually got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I got medicated. But it never got better.

It took me 10 different private attempts (8 before I turned 18, 2 since), and the Doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD said I was ‘very clearly over the line for both inattentive and hyperactivity’. I’m really struggling with that because… I’ve got better coping mechanisms now? How could they not tell???? Well, they didn't acknowledge you could be both autistic and adhd until 2013 or something ridiculous, and girls were so rarely diagnosed with autism in the 2000's - so it makes sense I went undiagnosed. I’m really frustrated for my mum, because she spent so much time and effort trying to help me. But there was genuinely nothing she could have done.

Having context for my experiences along with this medication has been life altering... I feel I’ve unlocked my brain’s actual potential and I’m so devastated for past me that I wasn’t able to make the most of my younger years to be this version of me. I found everything so hard for so long... it's going to be really interesting to see what my life looks like from now on.

[raionmimi]

Someone once told me that they loathe Medb because she objectifies people, and I can't help but agree. From her creation of Cu Alter to her relationship with Skadi, and then something Fergus mentioned twice, once in the manga and once in Summer 4. But, rather than seeing this in a negative light, as the person who mentioned this, I couldn't help but find this an interesting fault because the story, for the most part, treats this as neither fully bad or completely good Because viewing it through this lens makes Skadi and her relationship uniquely realistic because, while Medb is doing it for completely warped and selfish motives, it also highlights the fact that Skadi needs a self-severing person in her life to get over her troubles and eluvates her in such a intersting manner. Or, in another situation, how she basically earns Cu alter's respect via sheer tenacity through that viewpoint but also caused the american singularity. I had these thoughts swriling around my head the past few days I couldn't help but to wonder what the biggest Medb fan would think about this.

A lot of people, including your friend, view America as a "I have you now, my pretty" scenarios from what I've seen. America plays it up that Medb "gets to have" Cu as an object of affection. Higashide specifically wanted the player to think that, so it comes off as a surprise in the reveal when Alter admits that he's fighting for Medb's wish on his own free will the whole entire time.

(TL;DR: at the bottom before the cut)

When you go back, you realize that there is a lot of foreshadowing that this was the case the whole time. Namely that Cu Alter has so much autonomy and free will for someone who is supposedly "under control." Medb never gets mad at him when he disagrees with her, and the fact that he would debate with her at all is extremely telling when she's usually pretty pushy as a person when it comes to what she thinks is the correct line of action

Both Medb and Cu have their own ideas of what it means to be a king and a hero. For Cu, we know that he doesn't care for honors and titles, but Medb had to work her ass off to get a title for her own safety and to be taken seriously by others. Cu (probably) thought he was well meaning for telling Medb that he didn't want to hurt or kill her because she was a woman, but to her, it was insulting that he wouldn't view her as a warrior when she had gone through a fuckton to get to where she was. He accepted that he was going to die in a blaze of glory, while she can't understand how he can just go throw his life away without ever properly taking her on when everyone thinks of her as the villain of his story.

So there's an obvious disconnect between the two. The fact that they DO talk about this, change each other's minds, and disagree is where the development lays. By the end of the singularity, Alter is able to recognize Medb's efforts as a queen, which was the main validation she wanted from him. Medb also arguably understands that Cu isn't how she thought he’d be that if you notice, anytime they're together, she no longer brings up how she thinks he should act. She just thinks what he does is really cool instead, so they’ve basically gotten the chance to get to know each other better and come to some sort of understanding

The only problem is that Higashide never actually addresses the issue on Cu's end. Personally, I don't really mind tooo too much because Medb's emotions is what I care more so about in the dynamic, but it still leaves a very huge "What even are his thoughts about this?" And I dont mean Alter, I mean the original Cu. It's very clear by the stark difference in how Medb talks to Alter and Cu that she thinks Cu is much colder to her than he actually is. But she also was able to talk to Alter more genuinely because with his emotions suppressed, it was like talking to someone who would never actually respond in a way that would be too overwhelming where she'd have to be on guard. But that's only a stepping stone to the actual problem.

Cu cares a great deal about Medb as a person because if he wasn't aware of her circumstances when they were alive, he does now that they're servants. He mentioned her in HA before she was even in FGO and says that a ton of bad things happened to her and she's a product of what happened to her. But he still doesn't do anything about it in a way that's actually helpful. He treats Medb like someone he feels like he has to take care of, even if she's troublesome, instead of acknowledging his own flaws that got him into the situation with her in the first place.

He still has chivalrous view of women that can be seen as patronizing like telling Medusa in Extella that he doesnt want to fight or kill women when Medusa had the clear advantage. He chooses Nero over Tamamo because Tamamo reminded him too much of Medb. He talks about how he wants to be more reliable to Medb in his voiceline, even to the point of making a promise to her that we still have NO idea what it could possibly have been about. He avoids Medb when she's up to mischief, yet when she asks for help he is immediately willing to do whatever. Even to the point that Knocknarea in LB6 is confused as to why he's so eager and willing to help her.

Cu's thoughts are a huge piece of the puzzle missing that if you don't pay attention to how he handles Medb, it comes off as one sided when it's more like two people avoiding communicating the root of a problem.

I highly doubt that his side would ever occur as the closest there has come to being critical of Cu's actions is the consequences of his thing with Fand and Emer in the Vday events with Caren and Bazett. Do agree that sometimes, other writers will just use Medb's love for him as a gag to idk fill up the spaces or something. It can be funny but if that's all she does, then ya I get the criticisms esp when their actual convos are way funnier. I have more thoughts on them, but I've already wrote so much lmao

Very cool and poggers of the manga to have Cu Alter kneeling down and accepting a kiss from her tho

TL;DR: Medb and Cu have lore to build off of + that there are flaws to be addressed. Makes the subtle growth very cool and leeway for further Medb development and complexities.

---

Putting the rest under the cut because I'm critical of the way Sakurai writes Medb and Skadi. Read if u want, but know that I'm kind of a hater so I'd rather you look at something you like instead.

Sakurai's writing with Skadi doesn't have the benefit of lore to easily play around with though. TL;DR at the bottom.

The problem is that the writers never really fleshed out Scathach that much, nor did they have the latter interact much with Medb. The whole premise of this dynamic is that Medb thinks Skadi is Scathach and she's surprised that "Scathach is acting different than she usually does" and keeps trying to get Skadi to act "like she usually does"

But Medb doesn't even really know Scathach, they hardly talked. Like ever. There's like 5 lines of dialogue from between 2018 to now between the two across the American singularity to events and voice lines. Most of the time, they don't even directly talk to each other. Unlike her thing with Alter, Medb has never come to an understanding with Scathach, nor does she really have any reason to care about her

The writing has to rely on existing character dynamics that... was hardly there to begin with makes it crumble that much faster to me personally. It'd make more sense if they had actually written a LOT of interaction with each other to the point of them influencing each other's characters, whether in a positive or negative way. But as it stands, it'd make more sense for Medb to react to the gap difference between Ushi and Taira than Scathach and Skadi because the writers chose to give more depth to Ushi and Medb as frenemies.

I was never a fan of Medb Skadi writing because it comes off as a cheap way to introduce Skadi into the Chaldea dynamics. It's nothing like Ushi or Ex and Medb, Knocknarea and Castoria's level of development, where it'd make sense. Not to mention, nothing about Skadi is remotely what Medb is interested in. If it had been the other way around, where Skadi was introduced first and then Scathach showed up, it'd make a bit more sense given who Medb usually hangs out with or talks to

Sakurai mainly utilizes Medb as a mouthpiece of how cute and uwu Skadi is rather than having any meaningful development between the two across multiple events. It just gets weird and sometimes even creepy at times, esp when you remember Higashide's Medb had never been sexual towards Alter. But Sakurai's Medb sexually harasses Skadi when Medb herself is a SA victim?? And she writes Medb as calling herself tainted in a diff event????? Even Minase treated Medb better in the Prisma Illya event. Like, I don't hate Sakurai, but she can be very hit or miss with me on certain things.

You can compare Skadi to almost any other character that Medb has interacted with, and it's severely lacking. Neither one's lore is really addressed until Skadi's interlude and even then, Medb doesn't really have much to do with it, she's just "I will lend you a Cu (caster) because I'm already holding two Cu's hands right now"

I don't mind if people like Skadi, but I just don't think Sakurai handles Medb and Skadi well together. It comes off as either shoe horned yuri bait at worst, and not knowing where to put Skadi since she didn't have much connection to any character in her LB at best that she just slapped her onto Medb for the vague Scathach connection. There is no lessons learned, no real understanding of each other, and it's just Medb doing what she wants. There's no balance or substance that I personally like

I admit that I have not read her summer event parts to know how she develops with other characters though. I'm still very :// about the transphobia with her changing Caeneus's spirit origin without his consent because she "wanted Caeneus to fit in with the other girls" which doesn't help much when she calls Caeneus tainted because of their SA in the lostbelt.

I just don't really care much for the character or the writing between her and medb, so that's why you'll hardly ever see me talk about her.

Apologies because I know you went in talking positively, but I agree with your friend on this one. It does come heavily across as objectification and one of those ships you'd meme on as "gay ship for straight ppl (with a male audience in mind specifically)" and is not treated well, so I personally ignore it.

TL;DR: I dont like Skadi writing or Medb/Skadi writing. I do not mind if other do tho, so like its just do ya own thing, yfeel?

Anyways, ship Castoria x Knocknarea

[pokefossilclub]

Hey! Dreepy man! Thanks so much for the help!

I am nearing my travelling date back home, so I wanted to ask for ideas on what Pokemon I should get for my second brother.

He used to be a photographer and used to travel the world, but now he's an editor for a channel and last time I heard he wasn't... doing so well mentally. In that he doesn't necessarily take care of himself that well. He barely goes outside and he's mainly editing for the company that he's working for. So I wanted to at least give a Pokemon that'll give him at least some boost in morale.

I'm not sure on where to start, but I do know it needs to be one of those pokemon that will only tolerate one person and ONLY one person (in our home we have a ranch of Pokemon but our parents are taking care of em, not my brother), I want a Pokemon that will only depend on my brother, forcing him to get out of his room and enrich the Pokemon. I honestly might get him an egg so it can imprint onto my brother if that's the case?

I also don't necessarily want something... too demanding, something that he'll reject completely from the get-go from how hard it is to take care of so... any thoughts on what Pokemon I should get him?

Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your brother's struggles! Having a Pokemon to look after has been well-proved to help with motivation and 'getting out there', but you're right that not just any will do!

I would be perhaps wary of getting him an egg, I'm afraid, simply because if you are afraid of him deciding caring for a Pokemon is too much effort, well, freshly-hatched Pokemon require more care than an already mature individual, and an egg as an object can be harder to bond with directly than a creature with a face that can easily respond to you, so it runs the risk that he could decide to get rid of it before it hatches and he bonds! A younger Pokemon in general, however, may be a fine idea.

If you think your brother would appreciate something cute, a Vulpix could be a good option- either Kantonian or Alolan, depending on if he prefers warm or cold! They are cuddly, intelligent creatures who bond tightly with trainers, and they require regular exercise and benefit greatly from socialisation- but their care needs are not too complex, they are popular enough both as battling Pokemon and as pets that food and equipment for them is easily accessible, and they are unlikely to be so clingy that receiving care from others when necessary would be difficult. Skitty would be another similar option, without having to do any Fire-type proofing or minimise cuddles in cold weather- the Normal-type is popular as pets for a reason! However they are very high-energy, and if your brother struggles with that he may find it more annoying than endearing! Delcatty, their evolved form, would remove that potential problem, but if not bonded with early or as a Skitty they can be very independent in a way that could be counterproductive.

Should your brother not appreciate cute so much, or prefer something more unusual, I could suggest Shuppet. They are emotivores, meaning they eat emotions, usually negative ones, and it has been reported that this can help people suffering from mental illness get a better grip on emotions that could otherwise be overwhelming. They are also very sweet and social, and do not require very much bodily care, being Ghost-types. However, they may not get him out much, and if too many Shuppet feed on one singular person, that person's emotions can easily be deadened beyond what is helpful. Another non-overtly-cute option might be a Steel-type such as Klefki or Klink. Klefki are surprisingly social and intelligent little creatures, and he might find interest in collecting keys for them to keep. Klink are, despite their appearances, very curious, and love to find new things and places to interact with, trying to fit themselves and various objects into and around each other! Steel-type care is not always intuitive to newcomers, given many of them are not mammals like humans are, but there are plenty of guides out there (I can give recommendations if requested) and, at least for the two I've named, is really not that complicated!

I wish your brother good recovery from his mental health diffculties, and I hope this gives you a notion what might help him out!

[0809sysblings]

Hi!

For the general questions! - 1, 7, and 8

For the trial questions! - 3, 4, and 5 for both trials

For the prisoner questions - 1, 2, and 4 for Mikoto, John, and Amane

hi!!!! sorry, this took forever to answer because my brain likes to fight itself over the most trivial things lol. also this got kinda long so a read more!

General questions

1) Which Milgram character is your favourite, and why?

how could you make me pick between my two beautiful children :(??

well if i had to pick between Amane and Mikoto+... i think Amane probably makes me lose it /pos more frequently ♡

as for why? well.

7) Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the most if you met them in person, and why?

hmmm..... this is a difficult question to answer because I feel like there really isn't one singular answer for me. the kind of people I get along with and the kinds of behavior I like or dislike changes and ping pongs around too much.

that being said, I'll try to pick at least someone I think I'd get along with at some point in some capacity.

I think I could possibly get along with Fuuta. mostly due to the fact that we could have interests in common, so it'd be easier to talk. if we like some of the same video games we could talk about those. and I'd maybe be able to contribute to conversations about soccer since I used to play for awhile.

8) Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?

same idea as above; there's not really a single answer for this, but I'll try to pick someone.

I think Muu maybe. I love her as a character, and I don't really feel any negative feelings toward her, but I just Know that I would struggle trying to get along with her. I can admittedly be very self-absorbed and egotistical, so that would not mix well with her tendency to make things about her.

Trial questions

3) Which [T1 and T2] song do you enjoy the most, and why?

for T1, MeMe !! i'm a big fan of how the genre(?) sorta switches up and back and forth throughout the song. and also just.. the struggle portrayed in the song is #relatable. i like to listen to it when i get into those moods.

for T2, The Purge March !!!!!!! forever and ever. song of all time. it's just so. AAOAOAOOUGUGUG.... it just hits so hard. it's so real. just like MeMe, it too is very #relatable, and i will listen to it on loop while in that mood.

4) Which [T1 and T2] cover do you enjoy the most, and why?

not to give both Ws to Fuuta but... i think both of his covers have to be my favs. his voice is just That good. god i love his voice so much... and also the redone instrumentals i like a lot too.

for T2, a very close second would be Yuno's Vampire cover <3

5) Which [T1 and T2] MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

for T1, I think it'd have to be Magic. I just really like how innocent and "perfect" it tries to look. it's a perfect way to show how much Amane downplayed the abuse, and I also think the way in which it was portrayed as a show was very good meaning and narrative wise.

for T2, another 'W' for Amane because The Purge March MV is my favorite there. I just really really love it a lot. the animation is great and I very much appreciate the fact that a lot of it is based in reality and is not buried six feet under a thousand metaphors. like, don't get me wrong, I love metaphors and when art uses them. but I'm glad they decided to put the visual and narrative metaphors aside for the big parts in Amane's MV because she really needed all the help she could get with securing an innocent verdict...

Prisoner questions

1) What do you think of [Mikoto, John, and Amane], and why?

oh god, I don't know if I can put most of it into words 😭.

well, I like all 3 of them a lot! i simply think too many things about them. i apologize for not being able to properly answer this 😔..

2) What are your headcanons about [Mikoto, John, and Amane]?

hmm i'm not one to hold many headcanons about characters, and if i do theyre usually not super serious or big. an exception here for Amane tho <3. my biggest headcanon for her is that she's a (poly-fragmented) DID system. i mean just look at her.

one i can think of for Mikoto thats just small but sweet is that he learned a lot of ~girly~ skills for his little sister. being a single mom after the divorce, i doubt Mikoto's mom was able to have a lot of time to do that stuff for her. and i feel like Mikoto would be the kind of person to try to supplement that himself. so maybe he learned how to do her hair and helped her with makeup and stuff like that...

i'm not sure if i can think of anything for John.. 😔

4) What do you wish more people understood about [Mikoto, John, and Amane]?

hm........ many a thing...... i'm not 100% sure what a lot of ppl say and think about these characters bc i dont really interact or see much outside of my handful of mewtuals. so take these with a grain of salt.

for John... i know i saw a bit of this around when Neoplasm and Double first released, so maybe it's gotten mostly cleared up since then idk! but... i guess i wish more people understood that just because John is self aware of being an alter and is aware of their DID... doesn't mean he actually knows whats going on and what he's talking about MFDLFLDS. i mean this mostly in regards to the comment he made in Neoplasm about how if Mikoto is forgiven, he can "disappear and take everything with him". i would like to trust that Yamanaka is aware that that's not really how it works. John is just as much of an unreliable narrator as Mikoto. and i also like that he's this way. i think it's realistic and makes sense. of course he wouldn't want to have people know he's pretty fucking clueless about what's going on. because then he couldn't get people to believe him and listen to him when he's trying to get people to vote Mikoto innocent.

idk a lot of ppl have this idea that it's the host in DID systems that are completely clueless, but all the other alters understand it and know what's happening and know who they are and who everyone is. and that if an alter who is not the host doesn't know something, or is god forbid mistaken about something, then something ~fishy~ is going on.

tl;dr John may know more than Mikoto about some things, but that does not mean his information is complete or even accurate.

for Mikoto... i guess it's kind of a pet peeve of mine when ppl talk and jokingly(?) complain about the other characters not telling Mikoto about his DID and continuing to leave him in the dark. i know it's all probably just lighthearted and that im just being pretentious, but its just.. not that simple.

also for Mikoto.. his negative feelings towards John and how he thinks about him. i guess i feel like ppl can be kinda quick to look down on Mikoto for it? or act as if it's just a problem born from lack of communication and misunderstanding, or even an unwillingness on Mikoto's part to communicate and understand. when like... just like the other thing i just mentioned, i don't think it's really that simple? idk i think there's alot of factors at play. a lot of which are pretty inherent to DID and trauma and are not things that can easily be overcome on your own.

i may make this into a separate post actually... who knows if i'll actually do it tho lol

now for Amane... dear lord (haha). just. everything. i feel like if i open this can of worms i'm going to break tumblr and crash my browser. so forgive me once again for not having an actual answer <3

tysm for the ask!!!! sorry for the uh. wall of text <////3

[kiraridertime03]

Finding my Visibility: A Ramble-y Writing

I hope you don’t mind this post here, it’s a bit personal, but I’ve needed to crystallize some thoughts, especially given what today is. I hope you don’t mind.

I created this little blog to act as a way to express myself properly. My realization of, well, being trans in some way, has only come very recently, within the past few months, really. It has been a long, awkward process. About 3 years worth of on and off questioning has led me to this conclusion, with some especially interesting breakthroughs getting me here. However, I am not really in a position where I can easily just come out to those around me. Making little bits online like this, even if I’m not especially social about it, has been especially affirming for me.

You know, it’s funny. Like many others I’ve seen, I did do little affirming things before “figuring it out.” Back when I first got to High School, I decided to start growing out my hair. In part, it was a pre existing bit of rebellion, what little I could do. I was taken to Catholic schooling all my life, and in my combined elementary and middle school, part of the dress code was hair length. Girls had to have long hair and boys had to have short hair, excluding certain cultural things that would probably get them sued. This did lead to a funny childhood slip where I determined gender primarily on hair length, leading to me being really confused by girls with short hair. However, my High School, while still being Catholic, let up on long hair. Therefore, on a whim, I decided to grow my hair out, spurred on further by seeing one senior with extremely long hair. I rationalized it by saying I didn’t like haircuts, mainly the prickly feeling I would have for the rest of the day around my collar. Now I see that it was more so that I found more negatives than positives in going to get my hair cut short at SportsClips. 

I say this because, towards the start of my questioning, there was this one interaction that has really stuck with me. I was in this honors physics class I took in my senior year of high school. It was a small class, there were only, like, 10 of us, made up mostly of my friends and their friends. Also, this one short soccer playing guy, but he doesn’t really matter. One of these people was this one trans girl. She was really the first trans person I ever encountered, and one of the first times I had ever encountered the concept of transness, outside of shitty conservative joke (singular) that I had inherently encountered growing up in a very conservative setting. Initially, she intimidated me, a lot. I didn’t know how to interact with her. For someone who made their entire personality “BEING GOOD AT ACADEMICS,” as I eschewed the entire concept of emotional fulfillment in any way, it didn’t compute. After Covid, I became more chill, but still felt that intimidation (all of which came internally, by the way, she was very nice). In this physics class, we had even begun interacting a little. This brings us to one random interaction in the end of one class. Us, as a class, are messing around, having a fun conversation. Then, for some reason, she says something like, “I grew out my hair because of my gender, you just kind of did it.” It was in a joking context, and I know the conversation led naturally there, but I don’t remember much of it, because my mind was preoccupied by the emotional panic of having my recently started questioning being clocked. It was a brief, yet intense panic, as I was still heavily denying myself, even still. After a bit, I eventually responded with my usual response when something came about for my appearance, “Oh yeah, It’s just because I’m lazy. I don’t really care how I look.” Usually, that was a good response, as it was often true.

Not with my hair length, though.

Cut to now, where I continue to let my hair be long, despite the hardships, a good 6 years on from my decision to let it grow out. I have a hard time of imagining my existence with short hair. I’m not  100% content with it, I wish I knew how to care for it better, something I am trying to learn better. However, I still do it because it, overall, gives me a sense of pure, positive emotion that I had lost for a long time. That’s been a lot of what has led me down figuring out my gender. I have tried to follow what has given me that emotional fulfillment, that sense of true feeling that I lost in youth. I mean, it’s not something that being in a religious family necessary perpetuates. I’ve found Catholicism, at least how it has been expressed around me, celebrates fear and repression. It especially doesn’t go well in a family with specific, traumatic losses, which become rationalized as “God’s Plan for Us.” Seeing that, seeing my grief and sadness as “God’s Plan,” I think, ultimately led me to repress all positive emotion, only allowing for sadness, panic, or the pure apathy I felt with masculinity. 

However, finding my gender, or at least, the parts of it I have found, has given me an indescribable sense of emotion that I can only rationalize as “Joy,” I guess. I think it goes deeper than that, but I don’t think any language would have the proper words for what I feel. Yes, there has been sadness for what I’ve lost and fear for what hurdles may come my way, but the Joy is also there, a joy that I only associated with guilt before, thanks to all of that Catholic guilt. I found that joy thanks to other trans people being visible. 

I think that is why today is so important. Being able to see other trans people be happy, be who they are, regardless, is what led me to detangle my guilt from who I truly was. I think it can do this for so many others, too. I have found that, even while having to be closeted in life, even the little bits where I can both see people like me and express myself gives me so much joy, that I can keep going on in my day, my week, my year, and I thank all those who were there, unintentionally, to help me figure out who I am. I am posting this in part to act as that expression, to find that joy through that apathy and pain, and also, hopefully, to help people like me. 

So, as I sit here, typing this out in my funnily trans colored JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 5: Golden Wind T Shirt, that yes, I’m trans. I may have some shakiness in the exact specifics, but I know that I identify as more femme than I do as my assigned masculinity. I am Allison Marie, you can call me KiraRider, though. I hope you all can find yourself as I’ve found myself.

Now, I need to go back to getting deeply into Pirate media for some reason.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

hey M, before you left your blog I wanted so much to ask you about cinema and I didn't get a chance back then but since you are back I'm glad I have an opportunity to do so and here I go.

Who and what do think played a huge role in the rise of independent filmmaking in the 70's that helped breaking boundaries within GP and against major studios whether in concept, scenario/story cinematography..etc. and do you think such movement might be accomplished in our era knowing how technology is so advanced - AI in particular- to the point it removed many aspects that define the art of cinema?

I know Tech is a double edged sword but these days I feel its negative impact more than ever and imo, the amount of remakes is a huge sign that we have reached the ending line, and I hope that going back to the roots is a possible feature that is yet to be invested in.

I feel my questions are little bit thick lol, so sorry in advance.

Hi @astutejiminie! Thanks for the question, this is something that I'd love to talk about.

In short and in hindsight as well, it's almost like it was inevitable if we look at the situation the studios were in the 1960s, but also at the socio-economic and political factors. It's all tied together.

By the mid to late 60s, it became obvious the big Hollywood studios weren't making money anymore. Television came and that affected the way the usual movie goer behaved. Since it was new, it had a success quite from the beginning. The studios were also investing a ton of money in a few select genres thinking it's the magic formula that can bring audiences back. Musicals and epics in technicolor. Most of them failed critically and also didn't make any profit. Only a few did, like The Sound of Music for example. Another aspect was that Hollywood played it safe in the 50s-60s, the Hays code was still on until 1968 which was restrictive and puritanical. And now we're getting to the bigger picture. How would a young audience in the late 60s could possibly be interested in that anymore? When they could easily buy a ticket to some European film that showed them morally ambiguous characters, sex and less conformism? There was no way Hollywood could survive if they didn't adapt. And they saw early on that some of the films obviously inspired by world cinema (especially Europe) were actually worthwile (see Bonnie and Clyde). And from that point on, filmmakers, writers, were given freedom and means of production, without the studios being completely in control of a film. The director was. And a lot of them were young people high on European and Japanese cinema and they helped bring in a new era. One that had a huge effect and still has on the way contemporary American film looks like. They owned the 70s.

And then the era of blockbuster came in and that has had a major effect as well, until today. Jaws made a lot of money. Star Wars too. The box office success was huge. The 1980s focused again on investing money, an easy plot to follow, a story that looked spectacular and so on. And still, those filmed looked better made than some current Hollywood super hero movie that is not bringing a wide variety of audiences back to the cinema.

We've been stuck with remakes, sequels and prequels and cinematic universes and countless shows on streaming platforms. A saturated market that offers nothing. We need good Hollywood movies. A diversity in genre films. What Barbie and Oppenheimer are doing this summer is great. Both are films that don't insult their audience, are mainstream but also cater to audiences coming from different backgrounds and people are excited. The tickets are sold out. But I do fear it's but one singular example and it will take another 10-15 years until something similar happens again.

For now, the situation looks bleak and the rise of AI used in the industry only makes it worse. Which is why the actors and the writers strikes are so important. They need to fight against it and gain some control. The big studios and streaming platform CEOs don't care about cinema and television. About the craft. They want to get rid of extras and replace them with a digital version. They will make more and more use of technology to write the scripts. As long as they spend less money on actual people, then that's great for them. Which is why the negotiations are so difficult. It's scary and I find it daunting that this dystopic scenario might happen in my life time.

As much as the movie and tv business is entertainment, it is also art. Simply because it involves people creating something. No AI can replicate what a person can do. Their emotions and intellect that is reflected in what they make.

Yes, going back to some formula of the 1970s sounds good but on a big scale, that's not possible because we live in such a different world. Some smaller studios are still releasing more quality works, like A24. But an entire industry is a lot more. Hollywood is the studios that make it. What's important is how those studios adapt and negotiate with the people that also keep Hollywood running and not lose its meaning. It won't disappear. But over time, people get replaced, new business ideas come in and the dream lives on. Hopefully on better terms than presently.

[kitchfit]

Year in Review: Games pt 2

Back to Bildeo Bames! After finishing my big Kingdom Hearts binge, I told myself to cut back on gaming for a while until Tears of the Kingdom came out. That was a huge lie! I love deception and falsehoods :D

Psychonauts

The idea of going inside someone's head to discover an entire universe created from their thoughts and memories has always been a fascinating one for me. I spent a lot of time as a kid imagining what my own or my friends' brain-world would look like and how you might navigate it. So imagine my surprise when I found an entire 3D platformer based around that concept. And for $5 on sale, no less! This had been a cult classic for a long time, but the recent sequel I still need to play elevated it to a higher place in the social conscience.

You play as Raz, a young kid who crashed a training camp in order to become a Psychonaut, people who covertly enter other's minds to extract secrets for the government. At least that's the idea, Raz ends up using his training to help his mind-victims work through their insecurities and psychoses in order to improve their mental health, first focusing on people in his camp, and then on clients in the nearby insane asylum. This isn't just out of a heroic desire to help others, but the easiest way Raz has to save his new camp friends, whose brains have all been cartoonishly sucked out of their ears and placed into jars. This world is so goofy and fun and the premise allows for endless creativity with settings and like. You can write a whole essay on any one of these levels. Damn I need to play the sequel.

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog

I like Sonic quite a bit. The characters are so expressive and fun and the world is similarly wacky and cool. The lore is an odd mix of typical video-game nonsense and genuinely fascinating tragic backstories. I loved the Sonic X show and Sonic Underground but like. The games... Okay the games are fun, but there's always one thing that ends up giving me a huge headache. Usually the Chaos emeralds. Eventually I'll go back and play through the Origin games and meet the games on their terms, but in the meantime this is the perfect Sonic game for me.

It's just a three hour visual novel written in the style of a murder mystery! It's so cute! Sonic is dead! You spend most of the game as Barry the Quokka, who's name is actually Kitch, a dorky dude in charge of catering on the murder mystery train, thrust suddenly into Amy Rose's birthday party on a quest to figure out the culprit who fake murdered our best blue boy. The game is full of so many adorable designs, fun characterization, and goofy plot tangents that its clear Sega just gave a group of Sonic fans free reign to go crazy over an official project. If you get bored of the visual novel part, its interspersed with random isometric Sonic levels you can plow through pretty quickly. I had a pretty good time with all of it.

Sonic Adventure: DX

In fact I had such a good time with The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog that I jumped immediately into an actual Sonic game. This was Sonic's first real jump into 3D, and I was always led to believe that jump missed the platform and tumbled into badly rendered, inanimate water. This isn't true! The voice acting is pretty bad at times and the animation gets wonky in places, but like. I am a Kingdom Hearts fan. These are not negatives. It also splits a singular story into multiple perspectives, so you discover more context for what's happening the more characters you play as. That doesn't mean the story is amazing or anything, but the effort is commendable and I love when stories do this.

Each character sits in a different genre of game as well. Sonic himself translates his 2D gameplay pretty well into a 3D setting, which is what most people reference when talking about this game. Tails is more of a direct racing game where you can basically skip most of any level due to the fact he can fly. Knuckles is a treasure hunting game focused on exploration. Amy is a survival horror game where you beat the shit out of robotic pyramid head at the end, and Big the Cat is a fishing game that's pretty fun after you tear all of your hair out. The last story, Gamma, is a rail shooter about one of Eggman's robots developing a conscience after learning it is being powered by a small tormented bird, before going on a rampage against its robotic brethren and self-destructing, freeing them all from Eggman's control. It's surprisingly... pointiate? powniant? *checks watch* poignant dammit. I have an English degree. Anyways robot stories like this always get to me for some reason.

Pokemon Infinite Fusion

There are a few communities where the amount of effort that can go into amateur fan content astounds me. The Pokemon fanbase is one of those communities. Romhacks have been popular in this community for a long time, many of them matching or exceeding some of the professionally made mainline titles, in my opinion, at least. Pokemon Infinite Fusion approaches that line with just the shear volume of fan content present in this game.

Any Pokemon of any stage can be "fused" with another to create a new design. Their typing and stats depend on a fairly simple algorithm, but the designs themselves are created by hundreds of incredibly talented independent artists you can find credited in the Pokedex. You can even import your own design if you wish! Obviously, with the amount of possible combinations, not all of them are artist-created, most procedurally generated, but there are just so many that it boggles my mind. Here are a few of my favorites

[Image I.D. Fusion of Mawile and Electavire created by Sadfrog, it has jumper cables in place of its giant mouths]

[Image I.D. fusion of Cofagrigus and Weavile that resembles Midna from the Zelda series created by King Peggy]

[Image I.D. fusion of Charizard and Aerodactyl created by artist Beespoon]

The game itself is a decent remake of Firered and Leafgreen with a significant post game. I have a couple issues, such as the credits being kind of vague and buried, and the gameplay being glitchy in certain areas, but this game is still being updated, so I'm excited to see what else it will offer in the future.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Ocarina of Time is the quintessential Zelda game, Breath of the Wild reinvented the franchise, but this is my first and favorite Zelda game. When I think of Zelda I think of this Hyrule's landscape, this Link's journey. I can talk at length about the perfect structure of this game, the dungeon layouts, the visuals' mix of quirky and grimdark, the fun boss designs, but I can't deny its all washed in nostalgia.

The story is about two people with the rest of their life apparent ahead of them, both cursed and disfigured beyond their imagination and forced into a role they could have never predicted. People say Midna is the greatest "helper" in the franchise, but really she's the hero right alongside our main boy. This isn't Link's story, its both of theirs. And at the end, neither of them can truly return to what they used to be; the curse is dispelled, but the change remains. For Midna this means sacrificing her closest relationship for the good of her kingdom, and for Link this means leaving the town he knew as home. Maybe he's looking for a way to find Midna, maybe he's off on a new, dangerous adventure, maybe he wants to do motion-controlled sharpshooting on Nintendo's cool new console. Regardless of his goal, his adventure changed him in a way that he can no longer live comfortably in the life he grew up in. So he leaves.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword HD

When this game came out, the biggest complaint about it were the broken motion-controls. Personally, they always worked fine for me, but I'm glad the switch remake added a new control scheme to make the experience more accessible. Now more people can complain about the actual game rather than the controls! Honestly never really understood why this game was so polarizing, the only big problem I had with the original was Fi's constant interruptions (which were toned down in this version), but Navi did that shit way more frequently and no one marked that as an abject flaw. It's a damn good 3D Zelda with excellent dungeons and a really compelling conflict.

This version of Link and Zelda are one of the only overtly romantic iterations of these characters. A classic childhood friends to lovers dynamic. Zelda is on her quest to restore the power of the goddess and Link is set on supporting her, no matter how painful it might be for him. A cool detail I love in this game is after Zelda seals herself up in the Orange Sap of Eternal Agony or whatever, the lines on Link's face notably lengthen and darken.

[Image I.D. Link at the beginning of Skyward Sword. The lines under his eyes are visible, but indistinct]

[Image I.D. Link towards the end of Skyward Sword, the lines under his eyes are deeper and more apparent.]

It's as if the trauma of his journey has physically aged him. Idk maybe its just a lighting thing I'm reading too far into. I'm glad this Link and Zelda get a happy ending. My only complaint nowadays is learning Nintendo almost made a "hero mode" style extra game where you play through Zelda's adventure! And they took it out! Cowards! You get glimpses of what it would be like in the end credits, like they're taunting you.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

Breath of the Wild might be my favorite game to just exist in. Every inch of Hyrule is so thoroughly laid out; the environments are gorgeous, the movement is fun, there's always something in the distance worth checking out, and the towns are so heavily detailed. You can spend hours even after completing the game 100% just driving around the landscape or studying the textures and wall decor in Kakariko to find some hidden piece of storytelling. In that regard, excited to say the Tears of the Kingdom is the perfect sequel.

I was concerned when it was revealed we were exploring the same Hyrule's map, just a few years later, but they changed things up so thoroughly, exploring the same area doesn't feel like retreading old ground, but seeing how the area evolved. It's familiar, rather than identical. Not only that, but there are now two entirely new maps situated above and below the old one, each with a new, invigorating aesthetic that are so fun and exciting to travel through. Go to the Sky for some awesome Agoraphobia, or travel to the Depths for some cooky Claustrophobia. You will never know how badly I spelled claustrophobia at first.

The story is nowhere near as elegantly written as BotW, and that's fine, it's a sequel, it only needs to add on to the original, and it brought it me Tears (HAH) for entirely different reasons that BotW. The dragon's tears sidequest had genuinely shocked me with the order I collected them, and the endgame boss sequence was just so incredibly peak. On the lore side of things, and how it connects to the larger mythos, this game makes me want to strangle someone, but this is Zelda, I would not have it any other way. Mechanically, I'm never one to push a game to its absolute limit, but this game has so many tools intended for the player to do exactly that, and I'm excited to see what other people come up with.

Recently, as of writing this, the Youtuber Any Austin put out a video analyzing the woodworking of TotK and BotW, and it might sound goofy, but it got me pumped to return to it in the near future, to just exist in Hyrule for a while longer.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team Pt 1

This is the first title I'm granting the "pt 1" moniker. Some games have a definitive ending, and then a post-game epilogue that is an entirely new story that I might finish next year. This is a childhood favorite of mine I'm revisiting. The mystery dungeon games have this insane hold over my psyche and always wrench an emotion out of me like no other Pokemon games can. While that didn't change time around, I realized I had a great deal of nostalgia blindness over its story. It's not bad at all, but it plays into a lot of generic adventure story tropes while I remembered it being more unique. In truth, this game was actually my introduction to a lot of those tropes and archetypes, and it pulls them off very well. It occasionally moves into some insane territory, like your cute Pokemon guys are hunted down by a lynch mob at one point.

This game also established a lot of Pokemon identities in my head, and are the reason Mons like Ninetales and Gardevoir are some of my favorites. Its such a comfortable game to go back to, but it will always be outshined by its successor, in my opinion.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Skies Pt. 1

No, I didn't misspell that. This is a fanmade improvement hack that adds some quality of life adjustments, like shortcuts for all of your moves, and a bunch of new story sidequests. Most of the story elements are relegated to the post game, so my playthrough was more or less identical to the original. That being said, this is one of my favorite games of all time. The reason I remembered Red Rescue team as having a more in-depth story is because of this game. Upon my umpteenth playthrough of this I can confirm that it is not (just) nostalgia blindness, this is still one of the best video game stories I have ever experienced. You can withdraw all of the elements that make it a Pokemon game and you are still left with a really well written, emotionally driven science fiction story. Wigglytuff and Chatot aren't even Pokemon to me. They're just the chaotic gay couple from this game.

The gameplay is mostly unchanged from the first, with the addition of the lovable 4th generation freaks. The change of focus from rescuing Pokemon to exploring new areas and finding treasure always hooked me and spurred on my imagination as a kid, it captures the sense of wonder really well.

Link to hack: https://hacks.skytemple.org/h/skies

Pikmin

This is probably my most replayed game ever. It's a pretty short game, if you know what you're doing. There was a point where I had the map so consistently memorized I could do a playthrough in my head, lmao. Take that Miyamoto. I pirated your game through MY MIND. YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A MEMORY.

There's still something magical about the atmosphere in this game that I don't think any of the sequels quite matched. Something about music; the mystery; the sound design; the isolation. It's just one man forced to make friends with these adorable alien freaks to ensure both of their survival. Later entries would focus on the intrigue of exploring what seems to be the ruins of human society from an ants perspective, which has its own appeal, but this game feels most genuinely alien and hostile in the way nature can be, in a beautiful way. I also played this with gamecube controls for the first time in my life man fuck the gamecube controls.

Pikmin 2 pt 1

This game has come under fire in recent years, which I think is goofy as all hell. I heard people call it "the black sheep" of the Pikmin series back when there were only three sheep! And a pygmy goat on the 3DS, I guess. I understand a lot of the criticisms, but this was a dream come true when I first picked it up as a kid. Now you have an endless amount of time to explore the Pikmin Planet to your leisure! You have another dude (he sucks so much I love him)! More little freaks to follow you around! Even more big freaks who want to kill you! I love freaks. I don't know how much time I spent studying through the Piklopedia to understand the wider ecology of this viddy game. It solidified the character of Olimar in my head even moreso than the original.

People hate the caves, (or hated?) but I think that's just because it wasn't like Pikmin 1. There's something to be said about the generic aesthetics dulling down the personality of these dungeons, but it always felt like a suitable expansion of this world. They're bugs! Tons of bugs live underground! Of course that's where they're all hiding. Because of the endless time limit, they did ramp up the difficulty on some of these caves to the bullshit level, which made me want to move on once I paid off the debt. Sorry Louie! I know you like it down there anyways. With the other freaks.

Pikmin 3

I never owned a Wii U, so this game coming out at the peak of my Pikmin hyper fixation was agonizing. I staved off the insanity of not being able to play it by scrolling the fanwiki articles for every new creature it introduced and rewatching the trailer demo over and over again? Huh, I really did that. Finally being able to play it on the switch is fantastic, and I don't have to deal with that stupid gamepad. Sorry, really cool bulky controller with a tiny screen you can't see shit on.

This game is so beautiful. It almost retains the majesty of discovery that the original had. I understand why people often refer to it as the true sequel. It works to strike a balance between the tight survival gameplay of 1 and the explorative aspect of 2 by having your day count tied to the amount of resources you can gather within a day, which also allows the plot to manufacture genuine anxiety when a certain asshole steals all your shit. All that time you spent gathering a buffer against certain starvation for your dudes was worthless unless you can get it back. You can actually lose the game at this point if you aren't on top of things.

I like all the new dudes. They all fit within the pre-established universe very well and contrast nicely against the original trilogy of dudes by being nice and actually liking each other. You just feel bad that Olimar hasn't been living it up with these cool cats all this time, and is instead tormented by his asshole coworkers every waking moment of his life on PNF 404. All three of the coolcats also get original Piklopedia entries from different professional perspectives. All together we get an amateur biologist (Olimar), a cook (Louie), an engineer (Alph), a botanist (Brittany), and a tactician (Charlie). Most of Charlie's are just "can I take this bug in 1v1" and I love him for that.

Cutting this off here for now. Remember how I said I love deceptions? That also went for writing this in a timely fashion. Oh well, one person's Monday night is another's Friday morning. That's how timezones work, I think. Going back to movies next Monday. I don't watch a lot of movies overall, but I have a lot to go through.

[ollyou]

Sorry another non-art post but I wanted to point out to some very disrespectful people that this is NOT an art only account > <“

This account was actually made to be mostly rambles, and just because I like pmtok and center most of my stuff around olly doesnt mean thats all i do either! I never wanted to be a pmtok-only artist; i just draw what i want to rather than what other people like to see

I’m a rambler at heart and if you dont like that then you shouldnt follow me, or just mute #rambling !! Alternatively if you don’t want to see any negative posts, mute #negative ^_^

Tbh as someone who has never had an anonymous ask box before joining the pmtok fandom, stuff like this just comes off as really mean and dehumanizing?? Please unfollow me if you have a mindset like this. I constantly tell people to just send me fun asks and stop trying to order me around like a slave and then people who claim to follow me pull this…. 😓 I hope you know that if you think you’re entitled to my artwork and can tell me to “shut the fuck up” for simply speaking how I feel about the constant harassment the toxic side of the fandom has given me and my friends/mutuals, I do not like you and you’re not allowed to enjoy my art tbh….

There is no “we”, just this rude person who likes to pretend they are a fan. But no fan acts like this. I want my fanbase to be a nice and welcoming place full of gentle and friendly people, not entitled bullies who treat me like their slave. Keep it to yourself if you don’t enjoy my rambling, please, or just unfollow/mute the tags I appropriately place for these sorts of posts <3

I blocked this anon immediately after screenshotting this but tbh I’m not sure if that blocks their actual account too… cause I wanna make sure they can’t view my account if all they want to do is dehumanize me. Idk it’s really weird how this fandom acts sometimes which is why I’m so strict with my dni and byf stuff but people don’t listen most of the time…. Agh!!

I make one post telling the people harassing and stalking me for several months if not years to leave me and my friends alone, and these people suddenly get the idea I’m just an art-making machine…. It’s frustrating but in the end I just want to receive nice anon asks. I appreciate all the friendly anons!! Thank you so much. You make my days so much better. I feel bad that sometimes I can’t respond to them, but I read them all. I save them all. I love them all <:)

But yeah… please unfollow me if you’re unwilling to just mute my #rambling and #negative tags when all you do is complain I don’t post art enough…. Also idk, if you want me to post more art then…? Why not you compliment my art? What’s the point of not ever supporting my art when I post it, then complaining and belittling me when I don’t post it? That’s why I block these people. Very very disrespectful.

I know it’s best to just ignore this stuff! And I do. I ignore a lot of it. It is quite annoying, but I ignore it so I can give the nice people room to speak. It’s really rare that I actually speak up about this stuff tbh. I’m almost positive these are all just the same few people block evading me via VPN anyway hahahah. Especially since I’ve seen them do that, too.

Also, I do recognize it’s very likely no one will read this all the way. But I usually don’t write things expecting people to read them! I mostly write stuff for myself, like a journal of some sorts. :D It’s probably a bit weird when I advertise my art and whatnot too, but y’know. I don’t want my tumblr blog to be just… some soulless art dump. I’m not looking for attention, just respect, I guess.

Ah, in the end I’m sure those bullies will use this to fuel their constant harassment of me anonymously (because they too cowardly to hate me normally, I guess), but tbh they just kind of… complain about a singular post I’ll make for the first time in forever for days straight and act like that type of post is all I make, so I guess there’s no appeasing them. Not that I even want to make happy the people who treat me as subhuman.

Idk why people are so entertained by being assholes, but maybe that’s just the naive part of me thinking! I’m no grown adult or anything. In my head I am just a little baby still learning about the online world as I was raised very sheltered from all that stuff and avoided toxicity wherever I went… 💦 I am a tumblr baby! Sorry..!

Ah!!!! Rambling too much. Hahah. Thank you for reading. Hey, if you got this far, why not you send me a friendly anon message? Gotta clean out all the garbage from within my inbox, though I think I’ve done a pretty good job at it as is.

I will post again when I have something to say or more art to share!!!!