#and when it's about singular people it's usually more negative

[raayllum]

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[emmabirb8]

Bill Cipher really is the funkiest little guy, isn't he?

He's a demon. He had parents. He destroyed his home dimension save for one singular atom. He was born different from the rest of his people and could see in 3D. He's a narcissistic maniac. He misses his mommy. He's a cruel, manipulative asshole. He accidentally got a little too attached and fell in love with a human, then had a drunken meltdown when they broke up. He created a throne of frozen human agony and tried to kill two twelve year olds.

He's incredibly lonely.

Personally, my biggest takeaway from The Book of Bill is the confirmation that my suspicions about him are (most likely) correct. Bill Cipher is miserable. He's been miserable since losing his family and entire home dimension, and everything he's done since then is nothing but one big attempt to distract himself from his mistakes.

Like, okay. I get that Bill is a master manipulator. He's a big fat liar, and everything he says and does is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. He wants readers and viewers to feel bad for him. He wants us to sympathize and woobify and get attached so he can use that to his advantage. BUT ALSO, I think The Book of Bill still sheds light on the fact that he IS broken deep down.

Everything that we know of Bill is almost entirely a meticulously constructed facade. He's a faker. He's all smoke and mirrors. He suffered a massive trauma (whether it happened on purpose or by accident is up for debate since he is nothing if not a horrendously unreliable narrator), and he had to find some way to cope. So he decided to live in denial. Denial of his failures, his true feelings, and, ultimately, everything that he is. He described the "entity" that destroyed his home dimension as a "monster," and, knowing what we know, that's what he believes about himself. He told Ford the answer of who that entity was would "eat [him] alive" and, in actuality, I think that was more of a thinly veiled admission that his deep-seated guilt over what he did eats him alive. Bill buried that guilt, all those negative feelings, all his mistakes deep, DEEP down, and then decided that if he was a monster, he might as well be a damn fierce one.

Bill became great at manipulation because that was the key to making his whole scheme work -- if he could control what everyone thought of him, make people fear him, bend them to his will and squeeze whatever he can out of them, he could be the meanest, nastiest, most cunning monster to ever exist, and he could keep living in denial. They can't make fun of you for your differences, for being weird (something I suspect happened to him in his home dimension) if you're the KING of weird and can kill with the snap of your fingers. If they fear you, they won't look too closely, into the tiny minuscule cracks in your facade, and see the painful truth.

Bill leaned hard into his role as Nightmare Demon to fool himself into believing all of that too.

But like I said, he's lonely. He has no one (besides his "henchmaniacs," but they're no substitute for real connection). I find it SO interesting how he speaks to Ford in The Book of Bill. "We both know you don't really want to be left alone. Admit it, you LOVE how important I make you feel. . . . [N]obody else really gets you, do they? Without me, you'll always feel unseen, surrounded by dolts who don't recognize your true potential. You've always felt alone in a crowd, haven't you? . . . you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow, who would even miss you?" -- I think he's projecting. Those are all things that are true about himself and his connection to Ford, but he's pinning it on Ford because he can't bring himself to face it head on.

Bill Cipher is a villain. He's evil. He's a demon. He really did ALL OF THAT.

But he is also a pathetic dorky sopping wet meow meow of a character who is constantly desperately trying to run away from himself.

And now, in the Theraprism, he has no access to his usual coping mechanisms. He has no choice but to finally face reality and figure out a way to do what he's been avoiding doing for literal millennia: to just be.

[sysmedsaresexist]

What does "less than one personality" mean?

Is it ableist, dehumanizing, or harmful?

Spiegel was the clinician who first put forth this idea in 1993, when MPD was being renamed to DID. It was said that those with DID did not have "multiple personalities", but rather "a dissociated identity," or "less than one personality".

I think Middleton explained the concept best.

Characteristically people with DID switch between different identity states, none of which has the full range of memory and the full range of affect that an integrated personality that's non-dissociative has.

One way of conceptualising it is, yes, people with this condition switch between different identity states, but it can be usefully conceptualised as not so much as having multiple personalities but having access to less than one personality in any context or in any time. So if they are confronted with a certain event, a person with DID in that particular state summons up what resources that they can lay their hands on in that state, but that may mean that that precludes them from the full access to other resources or memories that may help their decision-making, which sometimes represents a situation where they do things that appear very unusual or reactive in a way that is totally out of keeping with the circumstances.

Carolyn Spring also has a good description:

Dissociative disorders are characterised by ‘a disruption in the usually integrated functions of consciousness, memory, identity or perception of the environment’. So for example memories and feelings may not go together – memories may be recalled with no accompanying affect or emotions, or there may be overwhelming feelings with no conscious memory of their cause. There is also often a lack of a coherent sense of autobiography, and this itself leads to problems with a sense of identity – ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What has happened in my life?’ This all results from dissociation acting as a creative survival mechanism in the face of overwhelming trauma, whereby the mind shields itself by segregating the experience, or splitting it off into its constituent parts rather than experiencing it as what would be an unendurable ‘whole���.

As a concept, this has nothing to do with personhood or ability to function as separate people-- though many alters do lack access to significant portions of memory and emotional growth that would inhibit and disrupt their ability to act completely independent of the system, and it ignores the internal communication and teamwork that makes sharing information across alters a key part of healing and treating DID.

It's really frustrating when people without DID/OSDD start making really broad, misleading statements about this topic, and pushing it as something negative or wrong based on made up arguments.

Frequently, topics that have nothing to do with the concept are dragged into it (like personhood) in order to make it look and sound worse than it really is.

You see people say things like, "The phrasing I more often hear is that alters are each part of the whole collective personality. This is based on a philosophy that a "person" is the biological human, and they therefore have a singular "personality.""

I have never heard anyone say that, and it's extremely misleading and flat out wrong.

It's rare that people specify what the parts make up, but typically, it's "person" or "individual".

It is important to bear in mind that the parts ‘are not actually separate identities or personalities in one body, but rather parts of a single individual that are not yet functioning together in a smooth, coordinated, and flexible way’. The ultimate work of therapy is to facilitate an increased coordination between these parts, so that they can indeed function together and perhaps even merge or ‘fuse’. By working on increased communication and cooperation between parts, often there is a corresponding increase in levels of co-consciousness, which can help the DID client to feel in much better control of their life.

Even the ISSTD says "person".

Although the DID patient has the subjective experience of having separate identities, it is important for clinicians to keep in mind that the patient is not a collection of separate people sharing the same body. The DID patient should be seen as a whole person, with the identities sharing responsibility for daily life. Clinicians working with DID patients generally must hold the whole person (i.e., system of alternate identities) responsible for the behavior of any or all of the constituent identities, even in the presence of amnesia or the sense of lack of control or agency over behavior.

Now while the philosophical view could be SAID to lead to one person = one personality, it doesn't mean that the connotation behind that is appropriate in this case.

And it's not even true. Even if I was one "person"-- as in, I had a full, continuous memory stream, I would still have different "personalities" for different situations.

Like every person does.

Even we, as alters, can change and adjust our personalities based on situational needs.

Not only do we share this brain and body, but I am not the full person I would have been if I had integrated the trauma and full range of memories from my childhood and adolescence. I would probably be more scared of people, of commitment, I might be more or less scared of public speaking, of wearing more vibrant clothing, I might have different interests or pursued different avenues of education and work. How would my (MY, me, as an alter) advice to other survivors be different if I had access to all of the memories?

Who would we have become if we hadn't had to break apart the continuity of our memory and consciousness to survive?

We are now parts of one person, together holding one whole, continuous stream of memory (plus extra), living this life together as best as we can, with access to what we can offer each other in terms of advice and ideas from our own limited resources.

[hearteyedbunny]

okay i want to attempt to summarize and talk about my original story and some of my ocs! i dont rly have a name for it but we'll just refer to it as "the heavens" because thats usually what i call it. this might be a little long.

i guess i'll start and say that in my story there is a celestial realm (gods and angels) and earth (same as modern day earth). they are connected, but humans are not aware of it. the gods in my story are inspired by greek mythos, where the elements on earth each have a god in control of it (ie god of war, god of fire, god of nature, etc).

the two main gods that i focus on in my story are Saturna (god above all the other gods. they created earth and the celestial realm) and Adoryx (god of love, who created my characters Abaddon and Luvrina). there are more but these two are currently the most important in my story.

angels are created by the gods, and are basically servants to whichever god created them (though they ALL serve under Saturna, regardless of who created them). they have ranks: seraph being high ranking, and demons being low ranking. demons are ostracized and looked down on (important for later in the story).

lets actually get to the main character of my story, Abaddon! (i usually call them abby for short)

(human form on left, angel form on right!)

abby was created over 1000 years ago to serve under the god of love. they are impulsive, self absorbed, and care little for anyone around them. for a few hundred years they were obedient to the gods, even being a high ranking seraph, but felt suffocated under their bootheels. their only respite was when they were allowed several trips down to earth to fulfill their duty as being a guardian angel. they loved earth, and dreaded when they would finish their missions and be forced back to the celestial realm.

one day they got into a scuffle with one of Saturna's personal angels (THE most powerful, high ranking, and respected angels in the realm), ending in an intense fight where Abby lost control of their own strength and ended up killing the other angel. Saturna, enraged at the news of their dead angel, went to kill abby in retaliation, but was stopped by Adoryx who begged them to spare abby. So, instead, Saturna broke Abby's halo (horns that curve up into a ring) and demoted them to demon, banning them from ever stepping foot on earth again.

several hundred years pass and by some miracle, Adoryx has convinced Saturna to give Abby another chance to be a guardian angel on earth. Saturna agrees, saying that if Abby is successful and obedient that they will restore Abby's halo and high ranking. but if they fail, well...

heres the poor sucker human that abaddon is in charge of watching over! a christian priest named Thatcher Black!

Thatcher is a man in his mid 30s. hes a very kind, caring, and compassionate and empathetic person. hed do anything for anyone, but this also tends to allow people to take advantage of his kindness, and he is rarely able to tell people "no". he also tends to be very anxious about things, but hes doing his best. hes a devout christian, and tries his best to spread support and love within his sermons, instead of anything negative.

so, he believes in angels and the singular almighty God, but when he is approached by Abaddon who explains to him that his worldview and beliefs are not actually what they seem, he begins to spiral a bit. its a lot to take in, that the God you preach about and the book of scripture that you take inspiration from is all fake, that youve been lying to people all along, but, well, hey. angels are real at least! and heres one to be your guardian for some reason? Thatcher has too much anxiety to deal with this, but it seems like he doesnt have any other choice. he takes abaddon into his home, and they are possibly the worst roommate of all time.

i havent worked out the odds and ends of these two's entire story, just bits and pieces. abaddon is more interested in living it up on earth while they can instead of taking care of thatcher. the two form a...bond, i suppose you could say. thatcher falls head over heels for abby, while abby uses his feelings against him to manipulate him into doing whatever they please. their connection is neither romantic nor platonic, but a third, even worse thing. i always call them my toxic yaoi because honestly, yeah.

major spoilers i guess? but thatcher dies at the end. i debated on making this "canon" for a while, but i think it has to. after having a complete mental breakdown over his religion, being manipulated by abby for so long, and finding out just what kind of shit abby is in, thatcher sort of...breaks, i guess. he knows he cant hurt them, but still his dumb little brain cant help but snap and attempt to attack them. abby, once again not knowing their own strength, kills thatcher on accident. and in turn, fails their mission. i dont know what the aftermath of this is, ive played around with the idea of abby trying to find a way to bring thatcher back to save their own ass, but i dont know. this story is always growing and changing so eventually i'll get there.

thank you!!!! to anyone who reads this!!! i love this story its very dear to me and ive been working on it for years. its not super fleshed out but i just like clanking my barbies together and seeing what happens lol.

[gerudospiriit]

[Alright, I warned you guys. Here's that juicy PSA I promised you all. It's going to cover an array of different topics that I feel need addressing and general clearing up. At least in regards to how I view things and operate here on this blog. I also hope this doesn't scare my new followers away alkjsf.]

First things first and maybe doesn't need to be said but, in case some people haven't noticed, I am pretty opinionated, and I will share my opinions here if I feel like it. However, I will never spout any negative opinions about any singular person here on this blog. I have never done it and I will never do it, explicitly or implicitly. That's not how I operate. I do my best to only give opinions and critique of general topics like overall trends in the rpc, general headcanons or fanon that are fairly widespread in the community/fandom I don't necessarily care for, and fictional characters I'm not a fan of. While I can't tell you how to take my posts, I can assure you that nothing I post here is ever, ever meant to offend or be an attack on any one person (or really be an attack at all). This goes for IC, dash commentary posts as well. I'll get to those more in a minute though.

If you don't like this kind of thing, that's perfectly fine. If you're not comfortable interacting with me because of that, it's absolutely fine. But what ISN'T fine in my book is if you take my words and posts and twist them into things they aren't or try to demonize me for nothing remotely harmful. Again, I can't control how you take my posts, but I know that I don't post anything that's inherently problematic. A hot take or unpopular opinion here and there, but again, it's nothing that's outright attacking any one person or vague blogging or being generally toxic at all. As I said, I don't attack people with my posts, but I'm not going to walk on eggshells when sharing my thoughts because some people might take them personally. I will always be careful about this and sensitive material in general. All I can say is that my posts are never meant to be personal attacks, and if you really feel one is, tell me! I would rather be able to explain myself or my mindset than end up with people thinking I'm being toxic when I'm absolutely not. That or just unfollow me. Block me. Whatever you need to do. I'm a firm believer in tailoring your own experience so if that's what you need to do, then there are no hard feelings.

Now to get into the real nitty gritty of this post: a few reminders/how I generally view certain aspects that get tossed around a little too generously in the RPC. Keep in mind all of these have their own nuances, but in general, the stuff I'm going to say is usually true.

💥Mun=/=Muse and vice versa. It shocks me that I need to talk about this in 2023 but I guess it bears repeating. My opinions are not my muse's opinions, nor are her words, opinions, and actions mine. What I say about a topic or character or anything aren't necessarily what Nabooru thinks, and what Nabooru says or thinks about a character isn't necessarily how I feel about them.

Additionally, I will not take anything said IC or OOC about Nabooru personally, and no one else should take anything negative said about their muses as a personal attack. I understand we love our muses, but it's absolutely paramount to not take one character or mun (within reason) saying something we don't like about our characters as a sleight to ourselves as real people. Just like in real life, some muses won't like our muses. Some muns might not like our (canon) characters in general. But if we, the muns, constantly take offense to our muses being disliked in any way, we're all just going to be miserable. Obviously there will always be caveats to this--like someone specifically targeting YOUR iteration of your muse or your OC--because sometimes, people are just being assholes. But in most cases, it's not that deep.

💥 Dash Commentary/Not All Muses Are Nice On a related note, in character dash commentary is just that: the character making commentary about things happening on the dash. Once again, even if the commentary is one muse being shady about another, it's very, very likely not a personal attack on YOU the MUN, and it's best to remember once again that muse does not equal the mun. Dash commentary is meant to simply allow characters to comment on the events of the dash and potentially strike up interactions. It should not be taken personal by the muns.

It's good to also remember that not all muses are nice. Some are flat out evil and cruel. Not all of them will like your muse. That's what makes roleplay fun and interesting. Muns should not be demonized and penalized because they play a muse that isn't always the easiest to get along with. My advice to you is that, if you don't want interactions that aren't all sunshine in rainbows, don't follow blogs with muses that are rougher around the edges.

Also, I would make it clear in your rules that you're not open for any kind of confrontational of confrontational adjacent threads. If it's not for you, it's totally okay! We're all here to have fun. But it's better to be honest about it up front than to have someone's muse come to yours with beef.

💥 "Vague Blogging" Accusations of harmful "vague blogging" has honestly become a pet peeve of mine. I've seen it thrown around willy nilly and it's really just insane to me. In my experience and what I've observed with other people, on occasion, the term "vague blogging" gets tossed around any time someone is offended by another person's post, even if it is a general opinion about something general someone saw--that might not have even been the offended person's post!- and wanted to comment on. While I understand there is absolutely times where people ARE being toxic and are "vague blogging" specific people to be passive aggressive, more often than not, I've seen people call a simple opinion post that doesn't jive with theirs "vague blogging." I've seen someone saying they disagree with a take called "vague blogging." If we let simple internet commentary and disagreement get labeled as "vague blogging," we might as well say that everything on the internet, especially social media sites, is just all "vague blogging" other people. That voicing your opinion about something on the internet is just "vague blogging" the person who you disagree with. And I think most of us have been online long enough to understand how ludicrous that is.

In truth, most "vague blogging" that gets called out is basically just internet dialogue, and we need to be more mindful about calling innocent opinions, whether it seems based on something you said or not, "vague blogging," especially in a negative sense, when it's harmless. People should be able to express their opinions and disagree with other people if they want to without being accused of vague blogging and demonized. In fact, we should probably get rid of the term vague blogging altogether because it's too vague (heh) and broad and invites this kind of paranoia that isn't helpful to anyone. If someone is being mean or toxic, that should just be what it is. We don't need a technical term for it.

And I get it. Someone expressing their disagreement moments after you can feel like a personal attack (and sometimes, it might be). But I think that's the crux here: a "vague blog" has to be an actual attack on the PERSON making the comment over attacking the TOPIC itself (a good thing to remember in general tbh). Which, with how internet lingo is can be difficult to pick out; being Generally Mean in a Joking Way is just kind of normal. So I get why it can be easy to jump to an accusation of someone being an ass, but we need to either do better about picking it out and not calling every post disagreeing with us "vague blogging" OR start getting better about communicating with people when we DO think it has happened (and not on anon, either).

A few examples from how I understand vague blogging:💢OP: *makes a post about how much they love Ze.lda in B.reath of the W.ild and her growth in the memories*Not "Vague Blogging": I'm not a fan of how Ze.lda was portrayed in B.reath of the W.ild. I know a lot of people like her, but this iteration just wasn't it for me. "Vague Blogging"/ Potentially Problematic: Only childish morons like Ze.lda in B.reath of the W.ild. She needed to grow up and so do you. 💢OP: *posts about how they can't stand Gan.ondorf and wishes Nin.tendo would just let him die and make another prominent villain already*Not "Vague Blogging": Gano.ndorf is a great character with a lot of subtle complexities that make him a more nuanced villain than many fans and even the writers these days give him credit for. "Vague Blogging"/ Potentially Problematic: If you want Gan.ondorf to never return to another Zelda game, you're just too stupid to see and understand how brilliant his character is.

To me, language is everything when it comes to problematic vague blogging. There really is a difference in being an ass to someone and about their post and simply expressing your opinion about it. As I said, it's hard to really pinpoint actual vague blogging versus someone just maybe passionately giving their opinion/using the internet's habit of being insulting in a joking way, but I guess I would say the best rule of thumb is what I said earlier: are they attacking you, the person, or the opinion/take/what have you? And if that's unclear and you're truly hurt by the post, talk to the person. Ask them what they meant and let them know that it felt like an attack on you as a person. Or just unfollow, block, etc. and move on.

If we want to keep labeling vague blogging as something that's ALWAYS negative and harmful, then we need to only call the stuff that's negative and harmful vague blogging. Not every opinion that doesn't jive with ours should be demonized.

💥 Which brings me to my final point: tailor your own experience. If you don't like how someone runs their blog for any reason, you're not obligated to stick around. While we should all try not to be dicks to each other, it's ultimately your responsibility to ensure you're not being exposed to content or people you don't want to be. And it should be no skin off anyone's nose if that's what someone ultimately decides. At the end of the day, we're all just here to have fun. If something someone is saying or doing makes you uncomfortable, you're not obligated to stick around. Unfollow, block, blacklist, and whatever else you need to do and move on. It's really that simple.

💥 Bonus: a person sharing their feelings is NOT manipulation probably 99% of the time. As with all of these, this isn't always the tried and true case because people suck sometimes. But people sharing how they feel about something or how something someone did to them made them feel should not be automatically branded as manipulation. Listen to each other and take into account EVERYONE'S concerns or feelings. I'm not saying every person coming into your IMs has a legitimate grievance with something you said. As I've alluded to, there is always a chance someone will take something you said differently than you intended it. Give them the space to express their concerns. And if you're on the other side, give the other person a chance to explain their meaning, apologize if needed, and come to a mutual understanding no matter how that looks. Don't lecture each other. Don't call each other names or demonize each other. Just...communicate. Like normal humans. Which I know is hard for all of us gremlins here but the lack of communication on this website is what makes it such a hellsite. We would rather jump to the worst case scenarios and slander someone across the community for what was maybe an innocent mistake or a moment of emotional weakness (we all have em) rather than just having a conversation to try and figure it out and understand each other. It's something I think we need to all work on to change.

And I think that's about all I wanted to bring attention to. At the end of the day, this is all just a dumb hellsite that we're all trying to have a semblance of fun on playing pretend. But it's also The Internet and you're going to find things and people you're not a fan of. People are going to say things we don't like. But, as much as I hate to put it this way, I think we collectively in some cases to use a bit more common sense and grow a bit of a thicker skin so we can better understand what is and isn't a personal attack and the like. If we do that, I think we'll all have a generally better time here and on the interwebs in general.

[justatalkingface]

Hey! I've been reblogging some of your stuff and throwing my two cents in what I think. So I come here with a simple question...

What're your thoughts on Shota Aizawa?

Because for me, he's no different than the teachers in Aldera when it comes to handling Izuku. He's also a flatout hypocrite by getting onto All Might for favoring Izuku when he does the same with Hitoshi.

And I'm not even mentioning how he uses his trauma to justify his bs teaching ways

...Hahahahaha! So, you have no way of knowing this, but I've basically been preparing for this moment, to make this rant, for the longest time. More than probably any other character in this series, I've thought about Aizawa, tried to put into words what bugged me about him, scoured the internet for opinions to broaden my understanding, to find the right words. Quite a few posts have been yours, actually.

The short answer is that, simply, I hate him. Once I got past his Kakashi Aura from my first impression, I didn't like him, but fandom hype for Dadzawa, as well as the fact that usually comes with horrifying levels of bashing for people like All Might (ironically, perhaps the most unsung hero in the setting, seeing how few people seem to like his character) curdled it deep into loathing. Still, I'm going to be try to be objective as I talk.

The long answer is more complicated, and very, very long, but still overwhelmingly negative. For me, part of it is that Aizawa is easily the winner of the title of being The Favored Mouthpiece. This is a mixed blessing for him, to say the least; on the positive side, this fact has done a lot for his positive reception and total screen time, the the narrative bends over backwards to agree with what he says, time and time again. On the negative... for all that I'm aware that he's just lines on paper, on deeply visceral level I have sympathetic disgust for all the times he's been used like a puppet to parrot one agenda or another, and it muddles the water on who his character actually is. Honestly, it's been going on for so long, and it's still going on, I wonder if I should just... accept these random outbursts as part of his actual characterization.

At a fundamental level, I've had this question burning inside of me for a long time now: does this man even want to be a teacher? No, this is a serious question: he is effectively working two jobs, and managing it terribly (unlike every other UA teacher, who are all heroes for no apparent reason, and especially Present Mic who somehow has three jobs and still is full of energy. Does that man ever sleep?). He seems to hate the daylight. He seems to hate being clean. He seems to hate children. He hates, if not teaching, then teaching people that don't vibe on his level. He hates being on a schedule. He hates following authority. Really the only part of being teacher he does probably like is the actual paycheck.

So, again, why is he a teacher? I know he likes taking someone under his wing, but that use of a singular pronoun was very specific: he wants one person, one that fills whatever bizarre and unknown criteria, to teach (I'm still not sure what made him look at about five minutes of Shinso and say, 'This, this is the child I shall give all my skills, all my knowledge, and even my physics defying combat weapon.' Like, do they have to be his mini-me? Bear the soul of Grumpy Cat? I really don't know), an apprentice, not students plural. From what I gleaned from the Vigilante manga (which I should probably reread at some point), it's that desire, but misunderstood, combined with nostalgia, loneliness (his friends were already at UA) and peer pressure, that motivated him to start teaching at UA.

I don't really need to say it, but those are terrible reasons to become a teacher, and probably help explain why he's so bad at it.

Before I get into that, I want to address one thing: I've seen, online, that Aizawa's role as homeroom teacher is something completely different in Japan than it is for anywhere English speaking. So these various comments and what not say is, in Japan, these home room teachers aren't actually supposed to teach. They're supposed to be... something like councilors, I believe: they stay with the children and help guide them, and so on, and that's why he's a better teacher than we think he is. I've never actually seen anyone counter that argument, just agree, and I've had this response waiting for a long time now: when do you see Aizawa do that?

I know the Final Exam arc is supposed to show us that, yes, Aizawa is perceptive and does notice things about his students, and does care, but that's shit. His inner monologue tells us about Momo and her lack of self confidence. The implication of that, that he's only dealing with this now, means he's been sitting on this for... how long? However long he noticed that, I guess? So, from a time period ranging between the first day of class, and just before they prepared for the test, Aizawa noticed Momo had confidence issues and apparently did nothing until that test, probably because he wanted to be 'efficient' and deal with two things at once. Why do extra work and deal with a student's issues, when you can do it while they struggle to pass their final exams? Wow. A+ job there, teach.

On Shoto... just... just no. Come back to me, someone, anyone, when Aizawa even acknowledges that that mess is made out of red flags: the fact he doesn't use half of his goddamn Quirk until Izuku beats some self reflection into him. The fact he unsubtly hates his father. The fact he doesn't seem to know how to be a normal person. The burn scar on his face when he's heat resistant. Anything. Anything. I don't expect him to look at the kid and magically realized he's abused, but there's enough there that if he's a good teacher, or councilor, or whatever, he should probably be low key probing for information on his situation, see if there's something wrong in the most general of senses, because there's clearly something wrong there.

Literally anything about Izuku or Bakugou, though I'm putting a pin on discussing that mess until later.

See, the problem with saying that Aizawa is supposed to be the class's... councilor or something, instead of a teacher, brings up the fact that he's a shit councilor. Even if it's true (I'm not Japanese, I have no idea), this doesn't make his character better, this just brings up different problems instead.

Alright, so now that that's out of the way... now I need to point out that Aizawa is a Kakashi clone, and that's a good deal of the reason he's so popular; he rode off Naruto nostalgia. Let's list off how many traits he blatantly got from him. It's more than you think!

Aizawa is like Kakashi in that: he's a teacher that doesn't want to teach, his students include the Great Hope of the setting and his 'rival', he's traumatized from a friend dying when he was young, he deals with his heavy PTSD with unhealthy coping mechanisms, he has an eye based power that turns his eyes red, he loses an eye, he takes on an apprentice that reminds him of himself and gives him his signature technique/equipment, his dead best friend is alive, his dead best friend is the enemy, his dead best friend has been heavily experimented on, his dead best friend has warping powers, his friend group consists of people more cheerful than him who respect his skills, his best friend is overwhelmingly cheery in a way that balances with his low key behavior.

...When you list it out like this, it starts to get a little nuts, doesn't it? I wonder, sometimes, how much actual thought went into the character Eraserhead, and how much was Hori just... copying the copy ninja.

Here's the problem with that though, beyond the laziness of it all: Kakashi is a ninja. He is a mercenary, a child soldier, has killed more people than we have names for in all of MHA. He lives in a military village, under a military dictatorship, and is expected to kill. The teaching system he's part of is largely involuntary, though he avoids in in part because he's so good that everyone looks the other way when he ducks out of it. These students are also ten. There is just... just so much there, so much that is utterly alien to how MHA works, that putting a copy in is... flawed, to say the least.

That's why the Bell Test Quirk Apprehension Test is so bad: Hori put that in, as a blatant echo of Kakashi testing Team Seven, without thinking once of the differences in the setting.

He's in a school, and his job is being a teacher. His literal, actual ass job is to teach students (or 'help guide them', either way). This is something he chose to do, of his own volition. Kakashi trying to ditch his potential students is him trying to avoid an unwanted burden and him avoiding poking at this massive issues with teammates and responsible and everyone he knows and loves dying around him. And when he's forced to take some on? He tries his best to teach them, and he does: think about the first Battle of the End. The way Naruto and Sasuke fought each other. Think about how Naruto used to fight. Where did he learn to throw a punch like that? Kakashi. He may show up late, but the man did his work off screen.

Aizawa trying not to teach his students is literally a man too fucking lazy to do his own job. We all know Hori retconned it with 'he just wanted them to get a taste of death' via expulsion (which, apparently in Japanese culture is something that would set them back in their prospects for life) but it's so nonsensical that it's hard to take it seriously that he just... does this. Was planning to do this the first day, because they were excited about being heros, like that deserved a taste of death (They aren't in the military, you ass, they're in high school). Is allowed to do this. That he did this to an entire class for some reason but not Bakugou, when Bakugou exists.

Which means it's time to wade into the mess that is Aizawa and Izuku and Bakugou. Let's start with Bakugou, first, since I already started.

Blatantly, obviously, Bakugou has plot armor in how people react to him, or don't, as the case may be, and one of the worst victims of it is Eraserhead. The fact that Mr. 'Taste of death' and 'Expels entire classes' doesn't at least punt Bakugou into detention, or more likely a 'taste of death' to threaten the other students (because that's how you teach your class of high schoolers! By fear!), after he actively attacks Izuku, is just... mind boggling. The way he constantly refuses to acknowledge which of them is the aggressor, which of them is the first to throw a punch, which one is constantly threatening the other....

The obvious conclusion here is that Aizawa likes Bakugou, for whatever reason, but... I don't think it's true. The thing is if he liked Bakugou, you'd think he'd... spend time with him. Try and train him. Something. But no, by and by large he acts like Bakugou doesn't exist, right until Hori needs someone to compliment him for the readers, or someone to defend him after he does something bad, yet again, and then all of a sudden he's singing his praises. This is where the downsides of being The Favored Mouthpiece comes in: every time he's complimented Bakugou, every time he's said that this mess of a child is going to be a great hero, every time he cries desperately that he, 'Still needs to be Number One!' or whatever the hell that bullshit was? That was Hori. That was always Hori. Aizawa basically isn't allowed to exist near Bakugou without Hori running interference for him.

Izuku, on the other hand, is half the opposite, half Aizawa's own biases coming in. Part of it is Hori needs Izuku to feel stressed to pump up the tension, make cliffhangers, and get Jump selling; Izuku can't have a normal school life, he needs a heart pounding one. In most shonen school settings, this is easy to accomplish because they're generally hell holes that put their students in life and death situations on the regular, and live in hierarchies based off power levels. UA, though? It's a normal, or at least "normal" school, if exceptional, in the "real" world, plus some super powers. There are standards, is the thing; they can't and won't send their students off to maybe die because of they're a secret society or whatever. They have accountability (to some extent) to the general public, in other words.

So where does Izuku's cliffhanger filled school life come from? Well, Tomura and the Tomura-ettes, for one, but for all the other times... Hori turned to his teacher.

Let me say this again, because I want to emphasis this: part of the reason Aizawa exists as he does, is so that Izuku can feel threatened at school by his teacher. Why? Because Izuku's suffering sells.

Meanwhile, though Izuku does get pulled into Bakugou's plot armor sometimes, and suffers for it (more), but as a person and a character, I think Aizawa unironically disliked Izuku from the start. He grows out of it, to some extent, but....

Let's backtrack a second, back to the Quirk Test. Izuku, at this point, is ripped. Even without his Quirk, he was throwing around fridges and working all day and night to prep for UA. He was at the peak of realistic human fitness, instead of whatever increasing soft cap we have for heroes is.

Toru is invisible. Sure, she's in shape, since she passed the exam, but Izuku clearly focused on his body in a way most of the other students aren't, and she has no Quirk that'd help her pass the test (a test that, as many have pointed out, Aizawa would have failed). She's a nice girl, sure, but there's no way she could have out performed Izuku in raw physical ability, even before the ball throw which was one of the best of that category, and far beyond whatever she could have done.

Yet Izuku was the one at the bottom, not Toru. Why? Well, you could blame Hori, and that's technically true, but the thing is, unlike Bakugou, Aizawa acts like he doesn't like Izuku. He blames him for everything, he refuses to do anything as he breaks his bones constantly, he calls him Problem Child, and anyone who thinks that's affectionate, and that Izuku should as such, and that it's a cute little nickname needs to consider that through the lenses of Izuku's low self esteem, much less from a teacher who constantly threatens his students.

Aizawa sabotaged Izuku's scores. He did it because, you're right: he's just like the teachers at Aldera, if more restrained, and for different reasons. Not because Izuku is Quirkless (though he would if Izuku was, because the man honestly is Quirkist), but because he has the wrong Quirk. Because Izuku had the audacity to come to a school to learn about how to use his Quirk, instead of practicing it illegally, or inside his own house where, at that power level, one wrong move could accidently his house. Because he apparently didn't read the files that said Izuku got it a month ago, or didn't care. Or maybe it's just he looked at Izuku, and realized that having him learn to control that was just... too much work?

At the end of the day, which reason he did it doesn't even matter. What matters is he did. The same way he plays constant mind games with his students for shits and giggles, in ways that should undermine their faith in him, the same way he paired a bully with his victim so they could 'work it out', the same way he puts minimal effort into so much of the work he does, and it's why I loathe him as a teacher.

Aizawa is a good hero, but the moment Nezu let him into a school was a mistake.

[local-pr1nter]

Mondo Oowada Dynamics Pt. 1

NOT MY GIF THE SOURCE IS AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT

(*Quick note! I address Chihiro with he/him pronouns!)

To start off, let's start with his own class, class 78.

At first everyone thought of him as this intimidating delinquent, not knowing what else to think of him and typically steering clear of him. Aoi, Byakuya, and Kiyotaka had the most negative opinions on him at first.

Leon, Sayaka, and Makoto were the first ones to actually see past the delinquent exterior and befriend the biker.

Hifumi, Celestia, Kyoko, Mukuro, and Sakura remain indifferent to the biker.

Junko finds it hilarious to rile him up - often getting him in trouble with Kiyotaka or their teacher. Mostly Kiyotaka. Mondo isn't particularly fond of the fashionista.

Eventually Kiyotaka and Mondo challenge each other to an endurance contest - and they quickly become friends the next day. It's jarring for everyone, but it actually makes everyone else relax - just a tiny bit.

Chihiro, Aoi, Sakura, and Yasuhiro start to open up, extending their own companionship towards the biker as well.

Byakuya, Hifumi, Celestia, Junko, and Mukuro continue to ignore the biker. They don't exactly become friends - only tolerating each other through extended friends.

Mondo clings on to a few students - Kiyotaka, Chihiro, Leon, Makoto, Sayaka, and Yasuhiro, seeing all of them as good friends.

And oh boy do they get into trouble.

Mondo and Leon always get into trouble - nothing serious, just ditching class or playing nonsensical jokes on each other. They're mostly seen as the delinquents of the class, when they're actually just two dorks sharing one singular braincell.

MONDO AND CHIHIRO ARE GYM BROS YEEEEEEAH

Mondo is Chihiros biggest hype man.

Chihiro looks up to Mondo, always boosting his confidence and erasing his doubts about his masculinity (not completely but it definitely helps ease it a bit)

They're homies.

Makoto tends to be more of a chill friend when compared to Leon.

Makoto reminds Mondo of Takemichi - acting as a calm voice of reason to contrast his brash, impulsive actions.

But still a chill dude, yk?

They don't hang out all that often, but when they do it's a pretty chill hangout, mostly talking about their life over lunch or smth.

Sayaka took one look at Mondo and said "Yeah that's a friend shape right there"

But in actuality they bonded over his makeup Sayaka is OBSESSED.

All it took was one session of doing each other's makeup before they were glued at the hip. Sayaka loves to do his nails or eyeshadow, and they often binge shows together or gossip about other students

The best way I can describe it is a male/female pairing that people think they're dating, when in reality they're just besties. Or mlm and wlw solidarity whichever tickles your fancy.

Yasuhiro was that one dude that Mondo wasn't all that sure about at first - thought he was some weirdo that was constantly on w33d.

And then he figured out he was just like that. That was just his default state.

It got much easier to get along after that revelation.

They're pretty chill when they hang out too. Not chill/relaxed like Makoto, but a chaotic type of chill - which makes zero sense but I'll try to elaborate.

Yasuhiro spouts random bullshit - Mondo eventually latches onto one topic - they converse over said bullshit topic, usually resulting in heated debates or staying up past midnight.

It's really rare, as they mostly hang out through mutual friends, but one on one hangouts? It's either that one video of a drunk guy swinging around a belt, then getting restrained by another guy with said belt - or the two guys arguing over the Wicked Witch of the East.

If I could find the video I would share it but noooooo I suck at searching

And then there's Kiyotaka.

KYOUDAI

As many others, I adore their dynamic. Platonic or romantic, they're great.

For this I'll just focus on platonic stuff.

Literally glued at the hip. By default they hang around each other, doing everything together unless something comes up.

On Mondo's end, he helps Kiyotaka relax and learn to have fun while they're still in high school. This ranges from late night drives, video games, and hang outs with their classmates. Mondo adores his kyoudai!! Normalize male friendships!! I love their ship but I love their friendship/brotherhood just as much AHHHHH

Oh and Mondo likes to cuddle all of his close friends.

You gotta pry him off with a crowbar.

Man got big to hug his friends and dogs simultaneously.

OH AND THERE'S THE TWO GIRLS THAT TERRIFY HIM.

Kyoko's mere aura scares the shit out of him. She is intimidating, but he'll never admit it due to pride.

The same goes with Toko, but it's more understandable as everyone is scared of Toko and Syo. He can tolerate Toko, but Syo? No way in hell.

He can tolerate Kyoko though.

I think they would get along pretty well in both a romantic or platonic aspect.

But platonically? They're a crime solving duo. Mondo's the brawn, she's the brain.

Man I really need to separate this into another part just to expand on the more negative dynamics huh-

Also can y'all tell Mondo is one of my favorites he's great-

[intrulogical]

the semantics of logan as the orange side (essay)

so, i don’t think this is going to be anything TOO conclusive (hence the lowercase) but something i wanted to share from the discussions i’ve had with orb (@/orbmanson7) would be the possible technicalities of how logan works as the orange side. logan as orange has been a popular fan theory for years now but i don’t think anyone has attempted trying to explain how logan becomes orange. how does wrath and/or other suppressed emotions integrate with his role as logic? how long has he been the orange side? how has he been able to hide his side as orange for so long?

well, i’m not gonna say this is as concrete as my other analyses, but i’m just gonna throw in my guesses/predictions on this matter.

(this essay, by the way, is written under the assumption that orange’s role is wrath/suppressed emotions/taboo emotions.)

(essay under the cut!)

first thing to establish: logan being the orange side implies that logan has other roles outside of logic. let’s get this clear, this does NOT mean there are two people inhabiting logan’s body, or that logan has “two personalities”— let’s try avoiding negative DID stereotypes as much as possible. what i mean is, logan embodies different functions just as how the other sides do. 

from what we’ve seen in the series, some of the sides encompass more than just a singular role. sometimes, they can have two distinct roles that seem unrelated to each other. we can see this especially with the dark sides, with janus representing both self-preservation and deceit, and remus representing dark creativity and intrusive thoughts. in essence, the dark sides seem to embody more of the former traits that i’ve mentioned. janus is mostly concerned with thomas’ self-interest, and remus being the beholder of more taboo, non-family friendly shenanigans.

what makes them interesting, though, is that it seems like thomas’ suppression or general dismissal of these functions caused them to develop a secondary function, or more specifically, be reduced to the most negative aspects of their roles. when prioritizing self-interest, for example, you would obviously lie to preserve your reputation. because self-care is already taboo in unhealthy catholic upbringings, thomas would immediately associate self-preservation with the worst parts about itself. thus, janus is both self-preservation and deceit. remus, on the other hand, as the beholder of forbidden knowledge, is immediately labelled immoral by default. as long as thomas has an established set of morals, he will continue suppressing what he considers taboo. hence, repetitive participation, or participation in general, by remus would be tagged as intrusive thoughts.

so, seeing the worst in a side or a way of thinking sort of alters a side’s functions. they’re the same, but they can slightly deviate depending on thomas’ upbringing and internalized beliefs.

now, long rant about sides and their functions over, as ironic as it sounds, i’d imagine that logan can embody suppressed emotions — or emotions considered as taboo — as a secondary function. think of an authoritative parent, or a teacher, for example. to raise or discipline someone, they could, initially, act as calm and logic-driven as possible. but when the recipient is uncooperative, then the authority in question can resort to anger to create order. perhaps, they can be snarky or insulting to get people to behave or become quiet. to guarantee someone listens, you can instill fear. but usually, these only come when worst comes to worst.

that’s how i imagine why logan would even have a function like that in the first place. the question is, since when did he have this function, and why wouldn’t we know about it until now?

this is where the real guessing game begins, so buckle up.

like i mentioned a while ago, the dark sides are mostly the ones who encompass dual functions. even virgil could fit into that, but you can do the math on how it applies to him. so, if that’s the case, then there’s a possibility that logan can qualify as thomas’ definition of a dark side. but, well, he’s considered as a light side, those thomas compartmentalize as the “good” sides. how does it work, then? when has logan had this function? well, one possibility is that it’s a recent development, hence why we wouldn’t know anything about it.

but a funnier/more interesting thought would be that, logan has been orange most of his life. this would only make sense if his role has logic has been suppressed as much as janus and remus’ functions were. and, well, thomas’ catholic upbringing is a perfect catalyst as to why logic would be suppressed/be considered a “dark” side in the first place. to quote orb, indulging in religion develops a suspension of disbelief. you don’t care how illogical something sounds because that’s religion.

and thus, logan develops those secondary functions.

now, another question would be, how the hell was he still considered a “light” side all his life? to not overcomplicate things, i think we all acknowledge that developing a sense of logic, despite being religious, is quite normal. i feel like it’s a copout to just say “common sense��, but it really is, especially considering we grow up in academic environments.

the funny thing to imagine is how logan was able to hide his dual functions from both the light and dark sides. like, i still think about virgil referring to the dark sides as “[janus] and the others” plural, so he seems to be aware of another side besides remus. if i’m allowed to guess wildly, my thought is that, since the dark and light sides don’t mingle often, he was able to just… hide that he was both. live a double-life. a “you haven’t seen bruce wayne and batman in the same room” vibe. 

the reason logan would hide it for a long time is because thomas, as mentions before, has heavy black-and-white thinking. that’s why the dark sides lose influence— growing up, thomas and the light sides thought of them as amoral. if the light sides knew logan had a “dark side function”, then he’d be ostracized as well. if the finale won’t disclose the whole black-and-white thinking debacle, then thomas may become afraid of logan as he was with the other dark sides.

this would also explain why logan chooses to suppress his emotions. i always thought there was much more depth to it than just productivity. it would make sense, then, that logan suppressed his emotions because he was afraid to be found out. 

but, obviously, with the trajectory sanders sides is going, it wouldn’t be surprising if logan gets found out sooner or later.

there’s a lot cc!thomas can play with with this plotline. i was thinking, a possibility as to why logan is hiding his orange function is because he did something horrendous years back that the sides blamed the orange side for. could you imagine the betrayal they would feel if they realized it was logan this entire time? or, with the inevitable discussion about moral greyness, they might have to disclose who all the dark sides are. could you imagine the sweat on logan’s face if they ever get to the topic of orange?

i also have an inkling that janus and remus might possibly know of logan’s secret function. orb disclosed to me the possibility that remus’ main intention in WTIT is to make logan more assertive in influencing thomas. remus recognizes the futility in his current passive and independent work ethic and thus, he pushed logan’s buttons for him to finally snap. if remus knew of logan’s orange function, it would make sense then as to why he didn’t seem surprised by logan’s eyes. and by extent of remus working under janus’ hand, it would make sense if janus also knew.

how virgil doesn’t know is a mystery, or how logan was able to hide it from the light sides for a long time. but again, this is all some wild guessing. i think logan as a hybrid light-dark side could really challenge thomas’ perception of black-and-white thinking AND may cause a dramatic divide amongst the sides during the finale.

anyway, lots of potential and possibilities here, so i would love to hear any other possibilities of how logan could function as the orange side!

( + special shoutout to orb for the brainrot, couldn’t have thought of this without you. go follow them if you haven’t already, since they also create really good sasi meta!)

[emmaelt]

On being diagnosd with AUDHD

It’s so unbelievable. I’m learning so much about myself this year, I keep joking I’m having an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ year but it’s just ‘Body, Brain’. Maybe there's another B I'll find before the year is out.

With perspective, I don’t think I’ve really ever had depression - the only antidepressant I’ve tried is one that works best for ADHD people and now I know that that’s me it makes sense! - I think I’ve had meltdowns, burnout, and sensory issues the entire time? And I just always (tried to) push through and do my best but it’s never really gotten any better for me and my brain.

But now it’s like my entire life has been foggy and blurry and I’ve got glasses! Like my mum's story about getting glasses as a child and realising the trees have leaves from far away, or looking up and seeing actual stars. I feel like that’s what Adderal has done to me this week. But not just with being able to finally have a singular thought, but also in terms of day to day stuff that used to be actually painful for me.

I can put my clothes away now without crying first? And I still get sensory issues with stacking the dishwasher, but I don’t need to like psyche myself up for it as much. I’m not constantly narrating my own actions or having like an internal debate about every single fucking thing I have to do? The Autism stuff is still there - I’m reading this really fascinating book called ‘Unmasking Autism’ by Dr Devon Price that's really fucking me up (in a good way). But now that I know why I find things difficult, I can ask for things I need. I'm beginning to understand my own needs after supressing them for so long.

I went to the hygienist earlier in the month, and for the first time in my entire life I did not cry in my car from overstimulation after because I wore earplugs and had my noise cancelling headphones? And when I booked my haircut (first in over a year!) I told them I’d get overwhelmed and I don’t like wet hair on my neck and I’d wear headphones/earplugs, and the lovely person said if it was too loud they’d do it upstairs where it was much quieter! Who knew that I could ask for things I need, and most people would accomodate me?

I also am starting to let people know when I’m talking to them that I’m audhd and they seem to like me more? I don’t know, that one’s hard to explain, but the book I mentioned says that phenomenon is backed by experiments and research?

My brain is just 100 miles an hour but all going in the same direction now instead of bouncing about in a chamber like atoms or something. I can follow one cohesive thought from the moment I have it. Difficult (bad/negative/troubling/intrusive) thoughts are harder right now, because I can't distract myself from them as well.

So far on the meds - I know that my body always overreacts to meds/is more sensitive, so we started at a really low dose and even so, wow. I was more productive on Sunday afternoon (first dose at 6am that day) than I had been for the entirety of October. I currently have 0 unread emails and it’s revolutionary for me. My husband actually made me take a break because he didn’t want me to burn out, but even so I went to bed 4 hours later than normal… getting maybe 7 hours of sleep from my usual 10 I require is quite a difference for me - and I woke up at 5am Monday ready to go? Who is she?!?!

My brother said he feels that starting meds later in life compounded its positive impacts, as he developed so many coping mechanisms he wound't have otherwise. He said it was like going from 85% effective (70% base + 15% coping mechanisms) to 115%.

I’m so glad he feels that way, but I think maybe he has much lower support needs than I do, maybe because I’m both autistic and ADHD? I would have taken this medication over all of my struggling to learn how to barely manage (not thrive, I feel) any day. I feel like I’ve only ever had maybe 40% effectiveness, even with coping mechanisms. Even with being from an extremely privileged background, being highly educated, and really fucking smart.

How are other people without those things expected to manage?! None of my friends are even able to be seen on the NHS, as their GP's won't even refer them. I’m trying to not feel really devastatingly bad that I’m having such a different experience than them.

I was fortunate enought to have a parent who was proactive, she took me to like a new child psychologist or educational therapist every year when I was at primary school. They diagnosed me with dyslexia, but actually I’m hyperlexic. I eventually got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I got medicated. But it never got better.

It took me 10 different private attempts (8 before I turned 18, 2 since), and the Doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD said I was ‘very clearly over the line for both inattentive and hyperactivity’. I’m really struggling with that because… I’ve got better coping mechanisms now? How could they not tell???? Well, they didn't acknowledge you could be both autistic and adhd until 2013 or something ridiculous, and girls were so rarely diagnosed with autism in the 2000's - so it makes sense I went undiagnosed. I’m really frustrated for my mum, because she spent so much time and effort trying to help me. But there was genuinely nothing she could have done.

Having context for my experiences along with this medication has been life altering... I feel I’ve unlocked my brain’s actual potential and I’m so devastated for past me that I wasn’t able to make the most of my younger years to be this version of me. I found everything so hard for so long... it's going to be really interesting to see what my life looks like from now on.

[raionmimi]

Someone once told me that they loathe Medb because she objectifies people, and I can't help but agree. From her creation of Cu Alter to her relationship with Skadi, and then something Fergus mentioned twice, once in the manga and once in Summer 4. But, rather than seeing this in a negative light, as the person who mentioned this, I couldn't help but find this an interesting fault because the story, for the most part, treats this as neither fully bad or completely good Because viewing it through this lens makes Skadi and her relationship uniquely realistic because, while Medb is doing it for completely warped and selfish motives, it also highlights the fact that Skadi needs a self-severing person in her life to get over her troubles and eluvates her in such a intersting manner. Or, in another situation, how she basically earns Cu alter's respect via sheer tenacity through that viewpoint but also caused the american singularity. I had these thoughts swriling around my head the past few days I couldn't help but to wonder what the biggest Medb fan would think about this.

A lot of people, including your friend, view America as a "I have you now, my pretty" scenarios from what I've seen. America plays it up that Medb "gets to have" Cu as an object of affection. Higashide specifically wanted the player to think that, so it comes off as a surprise in the reveal when Alter admits that he's fighting for Medb's wish on his own free will the whole entire time.

(TL;DR: at the bottom before the cut)

When you go back, you realize that there is a lot of foreshadowing that this was the case the whole time. Namely that Cu Alter has so much autonomy and free will for someone who is supposedly "under control." Medb never gets mad at him when he disagrees with her, and the fact that he would debate with her at all is extremely telling when she's usually pretty pushy as a person when it comes to what she thinks is the correct line of action

Both Medb and Cu have their own ideas of what it means to be a king and a hero. For Cu, we know that he doesn't care for honors and titles, but Medb had to work her ass off to get a title for her own safety and to be taken seriously by others. Cu (probably) thought he was well meaning for telling Medb that he didn't want to hurt or kill her because she was a woman, but to her, it was insulting that he wouldn't view her as a warrior when she had gone through a fuckton to get to where she was. He accepted that he was going to die in a blaze of glory, while she can't understand how he can just go throw his life away without ever properly taking her on when everyone thinks of her as the villain of his story.

So there's an obvious disconnect between the two. The fact that they DO talk about this, change each other's minds, and disagree is where the development lays. By the end of the singularity, Alter is able to recognize Medb's efforts as a queen, which was the main validation she wanted from him. Medb also arguably understands that Cu isn't how she thought he’d be that if you notice, anytime they're together, she no longer brings up how she thinks he should act. She just thinks what he does is really cool instead, so they’ve basically gotten the chance to get to know each other better and come to some sort of understanding

The only problem is that Higashide never actually addresses the issue on Cu's end. Personally, I don't really mind tooo too much because Medb's emotions is what I care more so about in the dynamic, but it still leaves a very huge "What even are his thoughts about this?" And I dont mean Alter, I mean the original Cu. It's very clear by the stark difference in how Medb talks to Alter and Cu that she thinks Cu is much colder to her than he actually is. But she also was able to talk to Alter more genuinely because with his emotions suppressed, it was like talking to someone who would never actually respond in a way that would be too overwhelming where she'd have to be on guard. But that's only a stepping stone to the actual problem.

Cu cares a great deal about Medb as a person because if he wasn't aware of her circumstances when they were alive, he does now that they're servants. He mentioned her in HA before she was even in FGO and says that a ton of bad things happened to her and she's a product of what happened to her. But he still doesn't do anything about it in a way that's actually helpful. He treats Medb like someone he feels like he has to take care of, even if she's troublesome, instead of acknowledging his own flaws that got him into the situation with her in the first place.

He still has chivalrous view of women that can be seen as patronizing like telling Medusa in Extella that he doesnt want to fight or kill women when Medusa had the clear advantage. He chooses Nero over Tamamo because Tamamo reminded him too much of Medb. He talks about how he wants to be more reliable to Medb in his voiceline, even to the point of making a promise to her that we still have NO idea what it could possibly have been about. He avoids Medb when she's up to mischief, yet when she asks for help he is immediately willing to do whatever. Even to the point that Knocknarea in LB6 is confused as to why he's so eager and willing to help her.

Cu's thoughts are a huge piece of the puzzle missing that if you don't pay attention to how he handles Medb, it comes off as one sided when it's more like two people avoiding communicating the root of a problem.

I highly doubt that his side would ever occur as the closest there has come to being critical of Cu's actions is the consequences of his thing with Fand and Emer in the Vday events with Caren and Bazett. Do agree that sometimes, other writers will just use Medb's love for him as a gag to idk fill up the spaces or something. It can be funny but if that's all she does, then ya I get the criticisms esp when their actual convos are way funnier. I have more thoughts on them, but I've already wrote so much lmao

Very cool and poggers of the manga to have Cu Alter kneeling down and accepting a kiss from her tho

TL;DR: Medb and Cu have lore to build off of + that there are flaws to be addressed. Makes the subtle growth very cool and leeway for further Medb development and complexities.

---

Putting the rest under the cut because I'm critical of the way Sakurai writes Medb and Skadi. Read if u want, but know that I'm kind of a hater so I'd rather you look at something you like instead.

Sakurai's writing with Skadi doesn't have the benefit of lore to easily play around with though. TL;DR at the bottom.

The problem is that the writers never really fleshed out Scathach that much, nor did they have the latter interact much with Medb. The whole premise of this dynamic is that Medb thinks Skadi is Scathach and she's surprised that "Scathach is acting different than she usually does" and keeps trying to get Skadi to act "like she usually does"

But Medb doesn't even really know Scathach, they hardly talked. Like ever. There's like 5 lines of dialogue from between 2018 to now between the two across the American singularity to events and voice lines. Most of the time, they don't even directly talk to each other. Unlike her thing with Alter, Medb has never come to an understanding with Scathach, nor does she really have any reason to care about her

The writing has to rely on existing character dynamics that... was hardly there to begin with makes it crumble that much faster to me personally. It'd make more sense if they had actually written a LOT of interaction with each other to the point of them influencing each other's characters, whether in a positive or negative way. But as it stands, it'd make more sense for Medb to react to the gap difference between Ushi and Taira than Scathach and Skadi because the writers chose to give more depth to Ushi and Medb as frenemies.

I was never a fan of Medb Skadi writing because it comes off as a cheap way to introduce Skadi into the Chaldea dynamics. It's nothing like Ushi or Ex and Medb, Knocknarea and Castoria's level of development, where it'd make sense. Not to mention, nothing about Skadi is remotely what Medb is interested in. If it had been the other way around, where Skadi was introduced first and then Scathach showed up, it'd make a bit more sense given who Medb usually hangs out with or talks to

Sakurai mainly utilizes Medb as a mouthpiece of how cute and uwu Skadi is rather than having any meaningful development between the two across multiple events. It just gets weird and sometimes even creepy at times, esp when you remember Higashide's Medb had never been sexual towards Alter. But Sakurai's Medb sexually harasses Skadi when Medb herself is a SA victim?? And she writes Medb as calling herself tainted in a diff event????? Even Minase treated Medb better in the Prisma Illya event. Like, I don't hate Sakurai, but she can be very hit or miss with me on certain things.

You can compare Skadi to almost any other character that Medb has interacted with, and it's severely lacking. Neither one's lore is really addressed until Skadi's interlude and even then, Medb doesn't really have much to do with it, she's just "I will lend you a Cu (caster) because I'm already holding two Cu's hands right now"

I don't mind if people like Skadi, but I just don't think Sakurai handles Medb and Skadi well together. It comes off as either shoe horned yuri bait at worst, and not knowing where to put Skadi since she didn't have much connection to any character in her LB at best that she just slapped her onto Medb for the vague Scathach connection. There is no lessons learned, no real understanding of each other, and it's just Medb doing what she wants. There's no balance or substance that I personally like

I admit that I have not read her summer event parts to know how she develops with other characters though. I'm still very :// about the transphobia with her changing Caeneus's spirit origin without his consent because she "wanted Caeneus to fit in with the other girls" which doesn't help much when she calls Caeneus tainted because of their SA in the lostbelt.

I just don't really care much for the character or the writing between her and medb, so that's why you'll hardly ever see me talk about her.

Apologies because I know you went in talking positively, but I agree with your friend on this one. It does come heavily across as objectification and one of those ships you'd meme on as "gay ship for straight ppl (with a male audience in mind specifically)" and is not treated well, so I personally ignore it.

TL;DR: I dont like Skadi writing or Medb/Skadi writing. I do not mind if other do tho, so like its just do ya own thing, yfeel?

Anyways, ship Castoria x Knocknarea

[rosewood-multifandom-writer]

So, now that I have fully digested every story element about Hobo Bison, I can safely say, I got mixed feelings still. But it lands more towards me viewing Bison in a positive light somewhat.

First, the negatives. Idk why the SF writers have a thing for making Juri Bison’s punching bag. Like him ripping out her eye twice wasn’t enough? He couldn’t have gone after someone else? Like, maybe Ryu, the guy delivered the final blow with a singular Hadoken? (Still so lame). Probably one of the few times I’m actually on the side of character fans/stans. In this case, I can understand why Juri mains were upset and annoyed. Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern.

Speaking of which, I hate how people were saying that Bison was Rule 34ing Juri during his Arcade ending. Like… dude, get the porn out of your mind, that is NOT what’s happening here. I’m not referring to the ones that are joking about it, I’m talking about the ones that sound genuine and not a joke.

Secondly, he’s back to wanting to dominate the world when he regains his memories. Alright, then, here we go again I guess, lol. Get ready to “die” for a fifth time Bison.

Third, I saw the unused concept art, and this is just a nitpick, but I think they shouldn’t have played it safe, but I get why they did it, because otherwise Bison would be unrecognizable. But even still, some of the unused designs could’ve been nice. I mean, he has a lot of backup bodies in case he dies for real.

Fourth, as usual, World Tour has to make finding Bison more tedious than Akuma’s master mission of using fighting styles I don’t even use or care about.

With all that out of the way, the positives. M. Bison’s moveset is fun to use. Especially the psycho power ticking time bombs.

Next, his design. Specifically, his hobo default outfit. His scars, his tattered cloak, and the long hair is a look he rocks. Don’t care about the classic, because it looks like a dude cosplaying him and it looks the most out of place in a game that has semi-realism. It’s a small nitpick, so moving on.

I love his dialogue with the characters too, it shows that even though he has amnesia, he is still evil.

His motives I can actually get behind this time around, because he seeks power more than anything else (well, it is one of his likes). It makes his whole world domination thing make a tiny bit more sense. It’s still cliched though, do not get me wrong. Both his and Junko Enoshima’s (Danganronpa) motivations to rule the world is a villain cliche that is not everyone’s cup of tea. But both are iconic and are good villains, but have cliches that could bring their interesting factors down.

I also like how it’s heavily implied that the Bison we see in SF6 could be just a vessel that hasn’t fully gone through the process with his memories.

The build up to Bison was also good. I would say more about the foreshadowing in World Tour and in most of the Arcade mode stories, but I already made a post about it before and this post would be longer than it already is, so I’m leaving it at that.

And that’s about it. I may have mixed feelings about Bison’s place in the story, but I do enjoy him being a part of the roster, since he is an iconic and long established video game character decades ago. I still think DLC wise so far, the Season 1 DLC characters are all equally the best. I mean, A.K.I is literally the number one most voted popular character from the latest poll. Plus the people who hated Ed now love him or tolerate him. And of course, Akuma is Akuma, he’s really cool too. Rashid was also a good start. Bison is just okay, and I think Capcom started with him first to rip the bandaid off just in case there was backlash.

[pokefossilclub]

Hey! Dreepy man! Thanks so much for the help!

I am nearing my travelling date back home, so I wanted to ask for ideas on what Pokemon I should get for my second brother.

He used to be a photographer and used to travel the world, but now he's an editor for a channel and last time I heard he wasn't... doing so well mentally. In that he doesn't necessarily take care of himself that well. He barely goes outside and he's mainly editing for the company that he's working for. So I wanted to at least give a Pokemon that'll give him at least some boost in morale.

I'm not sure on where to start, but I do know it needs to be one of those pokemon that will only tolerate one person and ONLY one person (in our home we have a ranch of Pokemon but our parents are taking care of em, not my brother), I want a Pokemon that will only depend on my brother, forcing him to get out of his room and enrich the Pokemon. I honestly might get him an egg so it can imprint onto my brother if that's the case?

I also don't necessarily want something... too demanding, something that he'll reject completely from the get-go from how hard it is to take care of so... any thoughts on what Pokemon I should get him?

Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your brother's struggles! Having a Pokemon to look after has been well-proved to help with motivation and 'getting out there', but you're right that not just any will do!

I would be perhaps wary of getting him an egg, I'm afraid, simply because if you are afraid of him deciding caring for a Pokemon is too much effort, well, freshly-hatched Pokemon require more care than an already mature individual, and an egg as an object can be harder to bond with directly than a creature with a face that can easily respond to you, so it runs the risk that he could decide to get rid of it before it hatches and he bonds! A younger Pokemon in general, however, may be a fine idea.

If you think your brother would appreciate something cute, a Vulpix could be a good option- either Kantonian or Alolan, depending on if he prefers warm or cold! They are cuddly, intelligent creatures who bond tightly with trainers, and they require regular exercise and benefit greatly from socialisation- but their care needs are not too complex, they are popular enough both as battling Pokemon and as pets that food and equipment for them is easily accessible, and they are unlikely to be so clingy that receiving care from others when necessary would be difficult. Skitty would be another similar option, without having to do any Fire-type proofing or minimise cuddles in cold weather- the Normal-type is popular as pets for a reason! However they are very high-energy, and if your brother struggles with that he may find it more annoying than endearing! Delcatty, their evolved form, would remove that potential problem, but if not bonded with early or as a Skitty they can be very independent in a way that could be counterproductive.

Should your brother not appreciate cute so much, or prefer something more unusual, I could suggest Shuppet. They are emotivores, meaning they eat emotions, usually negative ones, and it has been reported that this can help people suffering from mental illness get a better grip on emotions that could otherwise be overwhelming. They are also very sweet and social, and do not require very much bodily care, being Ghost-types. However, they may not get him out much, and if too many Shuppet feed on one singular person, that person's emotions can easily be deadened beyond what is helpful. Another non-overtly-cute option might be a Steel-type such as Klefki or Klink. Klefki are surprisingly social and intelligent little creatures, and he might find interest in collecting keys for them to keep. Klink are, despite their appearances, very curious, and love to find new things and places to interact with, trying to fit themselves and various objects into and around each other! Steel-type care is not always intuitive to newcomers, given many of them are not mammals like humans are, but there are plenty of guides out there (I can give recommendations if requested) and, at least for the two I've named, is really not that complicated!

I wish your brother good recovery from his mental health diffculties, and I hope this gives you a notion what might help him out!

[xnotyourdarlingx]

Art of my Mystic Messenger OC, commissioned by the amazing @saku-chann ! More information below the cut!

General Information

Full Name: Hana Song.

Nicknames:

- My little butterfly.

- Honey bun.

- Bear.

Chatroom Alias: Honey.

Age: 21 (Kor) & 20 (Int).

Birth Date: May 18th.

Zodiac: Taurus.

Occupation: Baker.

Nationality: Korean.

Sexuality: Bisexual.

Appearance

Height: 5'0".

Weight: 119 lbs.

Hair Colour: Light pink.

Eye Colour: Gray.

Tattoos:

- A vine with leaves coiling around her left arm.

- A small crown on the inside of her right hand pointer finger.

- Two butterflies under her left collarbone.

About Her

Likes:

- Water colour paints.

- Butterflies.

- Affection & praise.

- Hanging out with friends.

Dislikes:

- The taste of mint.

- High expectations.

- The silent treatment.

- Disrespectful people.

Hobbies:

- Painting.

- Baking.

Habits:

- Chewing the inside of her cheek when nervous.

- Fixing her hair constantly.

Fears:

- Being alone forever.

- The dark.

Personality

Hana's personality at first glance gives off the impression that she's an air-headed woman with her head in the clouds. In reality, she's smarter than people give her credit for and she knows what she's doing more than half of the time. She does play off the fact that people think she's an idiot to her strength when it comes to creating mischief. If someone suspects her to be innocent and harmless, all the better for her.

Though her chaotic ways may cross a line, it is never Hana's intention to do so. All throughout her antics is a singular goal: bringing out a smile or laughter. On occasion she will get back at people who go for her loved ones, but usually she just aims to brighten up someone's mood. If this is not something a person wants, they will have to be up-front with her, as she sees it as a little game of sorts.

As you can tell, Hana's youthful heart and has a lively outlook on life—often referred to as viewing it through rose-tinted glasses. She knows the world is not all it appears to be, but prefers to keep a positive mindset. She does not see the point in only focusing on the negative aspects of life when it has just as many wonderful things to offer. Each and every thing has a purpose for existing.

There is only one part of life she does not get, and that's love. In the romantic sense. Given she grew up with her mother who was grieving from divorce, the thought of it never vibed with Hana. As much as she longs to believe in it, it's something she struggles to grasp fully.

[0809sysblings]

Hi!

For the general questions! - 1, 7, and 8

For the trial questions! - 3, 4, and 5 for both trials

For the prisoner questions - 1, 2, and 4 for Mikoto, John, and Amane

hi!!!! sorry, this took forever to answer because my brain likes to fight itself over the most trivial things lol. also this got kinda long so a read more!

General questions

1) Which Milgram character is your favourite, and why?

how could you make me pick between my two beautiful children :(??

well if i had to pick between Amane and Mikoto+... i think Amane probably makes me lose it /pos more frequently ♡

as for why? well.

7) Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the most if you met them in person, and why?

hmmm..... this is a difficult question to answer because I feel like there really isn't one singular answer for me. the kind of people I get along with and the kinds of behavior I like or dislike changes and ping pongs around too much.

that being said, I'll try to pick at least someone I think I'd get along with at some point in some capacity.

I think I could possibly get along with Fuuta. mostly due to the fact that we could have interests in common, so it'd be easier to talk. if we like some of the same video games we could talk about those. and I'd maybe be able to contribute to conversations about soccer since I used to play for awhile.

8) Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?

same idea as above; there's not really a single answer for this, but I'll try to pick someone.

I think Muu maybe. I love her as a character, and I don't really feel any negative feelings toward her, but I just Know that I would struggle trying to get along with her. I can admittedly be very self-absorbed and egotistical, so that would not mix well with her tendency to make things about her.

Trial questions

3) Which [T1 and T2] song do you enjoy the most, and why?

for T1, MeMe !! i'm a big fan of how the genre(?) sorta switches up and back and forth throughout the song. and also just.. the struggle portrayed in the song is #relatable. i like to listen to it when i get into those moods.

for T2, The Purge March !!!!!!! forever and ever. song of all time. it's just so. AAOAOAOOUGUGUG.... it just hits so hard. it's so real. just like MeMe, it too is very #relatable, and i will listen to it on loop while in that mood.

4) Which [T1 and T2] cover do you enjoy the most, and why?

not to give both Ws to Fuuta but... i think both of his covers have to be my favs. his voice is just That good. god i love his voice so much... and also the redone instrumentals i like a lot too.

for T2, a very close second would be Yuno's Vampire cover <3

5) Which [T1 and T2] MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

for T1, I think it'd have to be Magic. I just really like how innocent and "perfect" it tries to look. it's a perfect way to show how much Amane downplayed the abuse, and I also think the way in which it was portrayed as a show was very good meaning and narrative wise.

for T2, another 'W' for Amane because The Purge March MV is my favorite there. I just really really love it a lot. the animation is great and I very much appreciate the fact that a lot of it is based in reality and is not buried six feet under a thousand metaphors. like, don't get me wrong, I love metaphors and when art uses them. but I'm glad they decided to put the visual and narrative metaphors aside for the big parts in Amane's MV because she really needed all the help she could get with securing an innocent verdict...

Prisoner questions

1) What do you think of [Mikoto, John, and Amane], and why?

oh god, I don't know if I can put most of it into words 😭.

well, I like all 3 of them a lot! i simply think too many things about them. i apologize for not being able to properly answer this 😔..

2) What are your headcanons about [Mikoto, John, and Amane]?

hmm i'm not one to hold many headcanons about characters, and if i do theyre usually not super serious or big. an exception here for Amane tho <3. my biggest headcanon for her is that she's a (poly-fragmented) DID system. i mean just look at her.

one i can think of for Mikoto thats just small but sweet is that he learned a lot of ~girly~ skills for his little sister. being a single mom after the divorce, i doubt Mikoto's mom was able to have a lot of time to do that stuff for her. and i feel like Mikoto would be the kind of person to try to supplement that himself. so maybe he learned how to do her hair and helped her with makeup and stuff like that...

i'm not sure if i can think of anything for John.. 😔

4) What do you wish more people understood about [Mikoto, John, and Amane]?

hm........ many a thing...... i'm not 100% sure what a lot of ppl say and think about these characters bc i dont really interact or see much outside of my handful of mewtuals. so take these with a grain of salt.

for John... i know i saw a bit of this around when Neoplasm and Double first released, so maybe it's gotten mostly cleared up since then idk! but... i guess i wish more people understood that just because John is self aware of being an alter and is aware of their DID... doesn't mean he actually knows whats going on and what he's talking about MFDLFLDS. i mean this mostly in regards to the comment he made in Neoplasm about how if Mikoto is forgiven, he can "disappear and take everything with him". i would like to trust that Yamanaka is aware that that's not really how it works. John is just as much of an unreliable narrator as Mikoto. and i also like that he's this way. i think it's realistic and makes sense. of course he wouldn't want to have people know he's pretty fucking clueless about what's going on. because then he couldn't get people to believe him and listen to him when he's trying to get people to vote Mikoto innocent.

idk a lot of ppl have this idea that it's the host in DID systems that are completely clueless, but all the other alters understand it and know what's happening and know who they are and who everyone is. and that if an alter who is not the host doesn't know something, or is god forbid mistaken about something, then something ~fishy~ is going on.

tl;dr John may know more than Mikoto about some things, but that does not mean his information is complete or even accurate.

for Mikoto... i guess it's kind of a pet peeve of mine when ppl talk and jokingly(?) complain about the other characters not telling Mikoto about his DID and continuing to leave him in the dark. i know it's all probably just lighthearted and that im just being pretentious, but its just.. not that simple.

also for Mikoto.. his negative feelings towards John and how he thinks about him. i guess i feel like ppl can be kinda quick to look down on Mikoto for it? or act as if it's just a problem born from lack of communication and misunderstanding, or even an unwillingness on Mikoto's part to communicate and understand. when like... just like the other thing i just mentioned, i don't think it's really that simple? idk i think there's alot of factors at play. a lot of which are pretty inherent to DID and trauma and are not things that can easily be overcome on your own.

i may make this into a separate post actually... who knows if i'll actually do it tho lol

now for Amane... dear lord (haha). just. everything. i feel like if i open this can of worms i'm going to break tumblr and crash my browser. so forgive me once again for not having an actual answer <3

tysm for the ask!!!! sorry for the uh. wall of text <////3

[kiraridertime03]

Finding my Visibility: A Ramble-y Writing

I hope you don’t mind this post here, it’s a bit personal, but I’ve needed to crystallize some thoughts, especially given what today is. I hope you don’t mind.

I created this little blog to act as a way to express myself properly. My realization of, well, being trans in some way, has only come very recently, within the past few months, really. It has been a long, awkward process. About 3 years worth of on and off questioning has led me to this conclusion, with some especially interesting breakthroughs getting me here. However, I am not really in a position where I can easily just come out to those around me. Making little bits online like this, even if I’m not especially social about it, has been especially affirming for me.

You know, it’s funny. Like many others I’ve seen, I did do little affirming things before “figuring it out.” Back when I first got to High School, I decided to start growing out my hair. In part, it was a pre existing bit of rebellion, what little I could do. I was taken to Catholic schooling all my life, and in my combined elementary and middle school, part of the dress code was hair length. Girls had to have long hair and boys had to have short hair, excluding certain cultural things that would probably get them sued. This did lead to a funny childhood slip where I determined gender primarily on hair length, leading to me being really confused by girls with short hair. However, my High School, while still being Catholic, let up on long hair. Therefore, on a whim, I decided to grow my hair out, spurred on further by seeing one senior with extremely long hair. I rationalized it by saying I didn’t like haircuts, mainly the prickly feeling I would have for the rest of the day around my collar. Now I see that it was more so that I found more negatives than positives in going to get my hair cut short at SportsClips. 

I say this because, towards the start of my questioning, there was this one interaction that has really stuck with me. I was in this honors physics class I took in my senior year of high school. It was a small class, there were only, like, 10 of us, made up mostly of my friends and their friends. Also, this one short soccer playing guy, but he doesn’t really matter. One of these people was this one trans girl. She was really the first trans person I ever encountered, and one of the first times I had ever encountered the concept of transness, outside of shitty conservative joke (singular) that I had inherently encountered growing up in a very conservative setting. Initially, she intimidated me, a lot. I didn’t know how to interact with her. For someone who made their entire personality “BEING GOOD AT ACADEMICS,” as I eschewed the entire concept of emotional fulfillment in any way, it didn’t compute. After Covid, I became more chill, but still felt that intimidation (all of which came internally, by the way, she was very nice). In this physics class, we had even begun interacting a little. This brings us to one random interaction in the end of one class. Us, as a class, are messing around, having a fun conversation. Then, for some reason, she says something like, “I grew out my hair because of my gender, you just kind of did it.” It was in a joking context, and I know the conversation led naturally there, but I don’t remember much of it, because my mind was preoccupied by the emotional panic of having my recently started questioning being clocked. It was a brief, yet intense panic, as I was still heavily denying myself, even still. After a bit, I eventually responded with my usual response when something came about for my appearance, “Oh yeah, It’s just because I’m lazy. I don’t really care how I look.” Usually, that was a good response, as it was often true.

Not with my hair length, though.

Cut to now, where I continue to let my hair be long, despite the hardships, a good 6 years on from my decision to let it grow out. I have a hard time of imagining my existence with short hair. I’m not  100% content with it, I wish I knew how to care for it better, something I am trying to learn better. However, I still do it because it, overall, gives me a sense of pure, positive emotion that I had lost for a long time. That’s been a lot of what has led me down figuring out my gender. I have tried to follow what has given me that emotional fulfillment, that sense of true feeling that I lost in youth. I mean, it’s not something that being in a religious family necessary perpetuates. I’ve found Catholicism, at least how it has been expressed around me, celebrates fear and repression. It especially doesn’t go well in a family with specific, traumatic losses, which become rationalized as “God’s Plan for Us.” Seeing that, seeing my grief and sadness as “God’s Plan,” I think, ultimately led me to repress all positive emotion, only allowing for sadness, panic, or the pure apathy I felt with masculinity. 

However, finding my gender, or at least, the parts of it I have found, has given me an indescribable sense of emotion that I can only rationalize as “Joy,” I guess. I think it goes deeper than that, but I don’t think any language would have the proper words for what I feel. Yes, there has been sadness for what I’ve lost and fear for what hurdles may come my way, but the Joy is also there, a joy that I only associated with guilt before, thanks to all of that Catholic guilt. I found that joy thanks to other trans people being visible. 

I think that is why today is so important. Being able to see other trans people be happy, be who they are, regardless, is what led me to detangle my guilt from who I truly was. I think it can do this for so many others, too. I have found that, even while having to be closeted in life, even the little bits where I can both see people like me and express myself gives me so much joy, that I can keep going on in my day, my week, my year, and I thank all those who were there, unintentionally, to help me figure out who I am. I am posting this in part to act as that expression, to find that joy through that apathy and pain, and also, hopefully, to help people like me. 

So, as I sit here, typing this out in my funnily trans colored JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 5: Golden Wind T Shirt, that yes, I’m trans. I may have some shakiness in the exact specifics, but I know that I identify as more femme than I do as my assigned masculinity. I am Allison Marie, you can call me KiraRider, though. I hope you all can find yourself as I’ve found myself.

Now, I need to go back to getting deeply into Pirate media for some reason.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

hey M, before you left your blog I wanted so much to ask you about cinema and I didn't get a chance back then but since you are back I'm glad I have an opportunity to do so and here I go.

Who and what do think played a huge role in the rise of independent filmmaking in the 70's that helped breaking boundaries within GP and against major studios whether in concept, scenario/story cinematography..etc. and do you think such movement might be accomplished in our era knowing how technology is so advanced - AI in particular- to the point it removed many aspects that define the art of cinema?

I know Tech is a double edged sword but these days I feel its negative impact more than ever and imo, the amount of remakes is a huge sign that we have reached the ending line, and I hope that going back to the roots is a possible feature that is yet to be invested in.

I feel my questions are little bit thick lol, so sorry in advance.

Hi @astutejiminie! Thanks for the question, this is something that I'd love to talk about.

In short and in hindsight as well, it's almost like it was inevitable if we look at the situation the studios were in the 1960s, but also at the socio-economic and political factors. It's all tied together.

By the mid to late 60s, it became obvious the big Hollywood studios weren't making money anymore. Television came and that affected the way the usual movie goer behaved. Since it was new, it had a success quite from the beginning. The studios were also investing a ton of money in a few select genres thinking it's the magic formula that can bring audiences back. Musicals and epics in technicolor. Most of them failed critically and also didn't make any profit. Only a few did, like The Sound of Music for example. Another aspect was that Hollywood played it safe in the 50s-60s, the Hays code was still on until 1968 which was restrictive and puritanical. And now we're getting to the bigger picture. How would a young audience in the late 60s could possibly be interested in that anymore? When they could easily buy a ticket to some European film that showed them morally ambiguous characters, sex and less conformism? There was no way Hollywood could survive if they didn't adapt. And they saw early on that some of the films obviously inspired by world cinema (especially Europe) were actually worthwile (see Bonnie and Clyde). And from that point on, filmmakers, writers, were given freedom and means of production, without the studios being completely in control of a film. The director was. And a lot of them were young people high on European and Japanese cinema and they helped bring in a new era. One that had a huge effect and still has on the way contemporary American film looks like. They owned the 70s.

And then the era of blockbuster came in and that has had a major effect as well, until today. Jaws made a lot of money. Star Wars too. The box office success was huge. The 1980s focused again on investing money, an easy plot to follow, a story that looked spectacular and so on. And still, those filmed looked better made than some current Hollywood super hero movie that is not bringing a wide variety of audiences back to the cinema.

We've been stuck with remakes, sequels and prequels and cinematic universes and countless shows on streaming platforms. A saturated market that offers nothing. We need good Hollywood movies. A diversity in genre films. What Barbie and Oppenheimer are doing this summer is great. Both are films that don't insult their audience, are mainstream but also cater to audiences coming from different backgrounds and people are excited. The tickets are sold out. But I do fear it's but one singular example and it will take another 10-15 years until something similar happens again.

For now, the situation looks bleak and the rise of AI used in the industry only makes it worse. Which is why the actors and the writers strikes are so important. They need to fight against it and gain some control. The big studios and streaming platform CEOs don't care about cinema and television. About the craft. They want to get rid of extras and replace them with a digital version. They will make more and more use of technology to write the scripts. As long as they spend less money on actual people, then that's great for them. Which is why the negotiations are so difficult. It's scary and I find it daunting that this dystopic scenario might happen in my life time.

As much as the movie and tv business is entertainment, it is also art. Simply because it involves people creating something. No AI can replicate what a person can do. Their emotions and intellect that is reflected in what they make.

Yes, going back to some formula of the 1970s sounds good but on a big scale, that's not possible because we live in such a different world. Some smaller studios are still releasing more quality works, like A24. But an entire industry is a lot more. Hollywood is the studios that make it. What's important is how those studios adapt and negotiate with the people that also keep Hollywood running and not lose its meaning. It won't disappear. But over time, people get replaced, new business ideas come in and the dream lives on. Hopefully on better terms than presently.