#and when im working till 5:30 I have told her before that means that im closing

[beannary]

Ok so I was at work today and before I left my mom was like hey we’ll visit you at work today what time do you finish etc etc and she was like ok I’ll text you when we’re on our way and so I go the whole day being like I am waiting for a text from my mother saying that she my dad and my grandma are on their way to the museum and then it gets to the end of my shift and I have received no text so I’m like ok they clearly aren’t coming otherwise they would have let me know so I clock out and leave and ten minutes after my shift ended my mom calls me and is like hey where are you and I’m like hello??? I finished work??? I’m walking back to the car??? And she’s like ok well we are here and I’m like 🧍‍♂️ ok so I walk back to the museum and I get there and she’s like hey now we can go see the galleries together and I’m like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ girlie last call happened ten minutes ago we cannot go see the galleries because the museum is fully closing in 30 minutes and she’s like oh I didn’t know that and I’m like yeah you should have looked it up?? Or like asked me??? Or like come when I was working my shift because then you can like guarantee that everything is open

Anyways I’m just annoyed and it’s not even that much of an annoying thing I’m just extra annoyed because I’ve had an awful headache all day and I had to do twenty minutes of extra walking around with my parents and my grandma after work when I should have been driving home and listening to a podcast

[soccerwag]

You are an introvert female Barca player. One day you forget your art work at Barca training grounds and Gavi picks it up. He looks through the pages and see a drawing of him. He than finds the name and questions around who the person is. When Pedri tells him, he decide to go look for her until it is told she left already. He then gets her address from a female Barca player, goes to her house to which the hosue keeper let’s him in and tells her she’s in her art room area. He sees her painting and dancing to bad bunny and gavi just watches and smiles as he admires all the artwork she has (some have Barca drawings with the males and female team)… you may end it how you like.

Im excited to do this one, there were others before this one but I want to write about someone new🫶🏼 I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Sorry if there are some mistakes, English isn’t my first language

You are art to me

Pairing: Gavi x Fem Reader

Summary: you had left some art work back at the training grounds. Gavi stumbles across your sketch book as he was leaving and found himself intrigued, as he was looking through it he saw a drawing of him which intrigued him to go on a hunt for the artist.

Warnings: kissing? If you consider that a warning, nothing else besides fluff.

————————————————————————

You had been at Barca for a few months now. You had gotten transferred because Barca adored your football skills. They weren’t the only skills you had though. You really enjoyed doing art, you enjoyed capturing things you found beautiful in the form of drawings and paintings. You had to admit, ever since you transferred to Barca you found yourself drawing players. How could you not? There were so many beautiful people who played there and they just caught your attention. One in particular caught your eye the most.

Pablo Gavira.

You weren’t much younger than him, maybe like 4 or 5 months. You first saw him when you went to support the men’s team play against Real Madrid. You always enjoyed watching the men play. I mean of course you enjoyed the women’s too but the men got in fights more frequently and a part of you found it entertaining. You had saw him walk out with the team for pre match training. He was wearing the home kit and he had the number 30 plastered on his back. You knew who he was but you’ve never seen him in person before and man did he look majestic.

That game was the game you drew your first drawing of him. It was a drawing of his smiling after the win against Real Madrid. He was adorable but you’d never admit that out loud. He had tons of girls roaring for him and you didn’t want to me caught up in social media drama.

Fast forward to now. You had went home for the day to finish your artwork. You knew something was missing but didn’t bother pondering over it because it must’ve not been important enough to remember to take with you.

————————————————————————

Gavi was headed off the pitch when something caught his eye. A notebook? A sketchbook? He didn’t quite know what it was till he got closer. It was left on one of the bleachers. As he approached it he concluded it was a sketchbook. He knew he shouldn’t be nosey but his curiosity got the best of him. He grabbed the sketchbook and took it with him to the locker room.

As gavi sat down on a chair he pulled out the sketchbook again. When he opened it he was already amazed. There were drawings upon drawings of players and camp nou. He was impressed to say the least. he kept flipping through the pages, taking in every detail the pencil had created until he stumbled across one picture.

A picture of him.

He was flattered but confused while also impressed. Whoever the artist was really showed off her skills for drawing. She got every detail of him. He looked around for a name. Any hint to who may have drawn it. He finally found a name at the back of the sketchbook

“Y/n Y/l”

He said to himself.

He didn’t know who you were, you were new so not many people did along with the fact you were very introverted. He decided to go ask Pedri, Pedri knew everyone from the women’s team to the men’s.

Gavi shut the book and headed back out to the field. He looked over the field and spotted pedri. Gavi then began to jog in his direction calling out for him.

“Hey hermano!” Gavi yelled towards pedri.

Pedri looked at gavi with a questionable look.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?” Pedri asked gavi, confused as to why he came back out onto the field.

“Yeah everything’s ok I just wanted to know if y/n y/l rang a bell to you.” Gavi explained.

“Yeah she’s apart of the women’s Barca team, she hasn’t been here long but she’s really popular around the world and she’s your age, why?” He explained before asking.

“Oh no reason anyways do you think she might still be here? She left something behind and I thought I’d might as well give it back.” He explained, hoping Pedri would have an answer like he always does.

“I don’t know, go check or ask alexia or someone, they’d probably have a better idea.” He told gavi.

Gavi nodded before going to find one of your teammates. He in fact did find alexia but as soon as she said you left already a frown covered Gavi’s face.

“Here let me give you her address.” Alexia said before writing it on a piece of paper.

Gavi mentally praised her for the help before heading over to your house. When he has arrived he was shocked by how big your house was. You don’t post it over social media because you don’t like the thought of people know what your house looks like in the odds some weirdo would find it. Gavi swallowed a little hard before walking up and knocking on the door. When nobody answered the first time he knocked one more time. This time a woman answered.

“Hello sir how may I help you?” The slightly elder woman asked.

“Hey is y/n home? She left something at the training grounds and I wanted to return it to her.” He said with a friendly smile across his face.

“Ahh yes, she’s in her art room, go straight down the hall then to the left.” She smiled back before letting him in.

When gavi entered he was astonished by how pretty and clean your house was. You had marble flooring that was shiny and lots of artwork covering the once bare walls. He lingered a little bit admiring your house before reaching the doorway of your art room. He heard music. Bad bunny? He thought to himself.

He opened the door and peaked in. You were to engulfed in your art and dancing that you didn’t even hear the door open. He saw you there, dancing in a pair of pajama shorts and a baggy shirt that was covered in paint. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He even giggled a little when you started pretending the paintbrush was a microphone as you sang the lyrics into it.

He leans against the doorframe, admiring you. This was the first time he’s ever even saw you and he knew, you were the most gorgeous girl he’s laid his eyes on. Minuets passed and you heard shuffling between your song change, you turned around and shrieked. You didn’t expect Pablo Gavira to be standing in your house, let alone the doorway to your art room.

“Sorry if I scared you hermosa.” He said to you with a big grin.

You stood in front of the painting you were working on. It was of him and it embarrassed you to think about the fact he probably already saw it.

“Uhh…n..no it’s ok, um how did you get in here and why?” I asked, mentally cursing myself for stuttering at the presence of a man.

“A woman let me in, I came to return this.” He said, handing out my sketchbook to me.

Fuck I hope he didn’t go through that.

“You drew a really nice photo of me, it was impressive.” He complimented me.

Fuck.

“Wow nosey much.” I responded jokingly.

“Thank you though, I knew I forgot something but didn’t bother to check what.” I told him with a thankful tone.

“Of course. What are you painting now?” He asked trying to peak over you too see.

I quickly stood even closer to it to block his view.

“Nothing…” I said with a shaky voice.

I don’t want him knowing I have like an obsession with making art of him.

He walked closer to me causing me to back up with every step he takes closer to me. He grabbed me by my waist shocking me to the point I didn’t even comprehend that he managed to move me away from the painting.

“Woah.” He said as he admired the painting of him.

“I swear I’m not some umm weirdo it’s just you’re really appealing to make art of.” I said trying to find an excuse as to why I’ve been doing so much art of him.

He turned in my direction, our faces super close now.

“No it’s ok I find it really cool if I’m being honest.” He told me. I could feel his hot breath fanning my lips.

His eyes flickered to my lips that were slightly parted then back to my eyes.

“This may sound weird but can I kiss you?” He asked me. I was in utter shock. I just starred at him before I subconsciously nodded my head. With the confirmation I felt his lips, the lips I’ve been painting and drawing since the day I first saw him play, the lips I thought about almost every night, the lips I pondered wether or not would be soft or dry, on my lips. It felt like heaven, it didn’t feel real.

I kissed him back, my arms snaking around his neck as his pulled me closer to him by my waist. We kissed for what felt like weeks until we pulled away to catch our breaths.

“I don’t know what you’re doing to me, we just met and I think I’m already hooked. You’re beautiful…” he told me.

“You’re like art to me.” He said starring into my eyes. I starred right back into his and told him one last thing before kissing him again.

“You are art to me”

[technowoah]

if you're taking asks for the prompts, can you do 11 and 17 from the angst list with george but have a fluffy ending? she/her pronouns pls

I Can Make It Right

SHSJS I HAVE SO MUCH ANGST IN MY INBOX YALL!

Thanks for the request babe! The way it came out was gender neutral i dont think I user she/her, but it still works trust me!

George x reader imagine (established)

11) "It's not important apparently"

17) "You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off"

⚠︎ angst with happy ending, unresolved issue but they're gonna fix it dont worry 😌, angry George, swearing

*** = flashback

Masterlist

You had stood infront of your bathroom mirror finishing up your makeup for the night. Your hair was already done and you had a nice outfit on, not to fancy and not too comfortable. While listening to a playlist George had made for you, you had put down the brushes you were using. It didnt really matter if you cleaned up your makeup that was littered all over the sink right now, but right now you were feeling good.

Today was your and George's 3rd year anniversary and you couldn't be happier about it. Today you two were going to dinner and doing something else which was supposed to be a surprise for you. It was a night on the town.

George and you met 4 years ago actually. You two started out as acquaintances, the slowly grew into friends and then one day he asked you to join him to dinner. At first you were oblivious to his actions, thinking he was just being a good friend, but turns out the more dates you two went on the more you caught on. He officially asked you to be his girlfriend 3 years ago today.

His friends keep on pressuring George to propose already, they think it's been long enough. The only thing close to marriage is a promise ring. He put the ring on your finger as a promise that one day he would marry you, everytime you doubt that he will propose you turn your attention to the cute ring on your finger.

You had turned off the bedroom lights and sat on your bed finally relaxing after struggling to find a decent enough outfit for tonight. George said that he was going to pick you up around 6:00 and now it is 5:47 so you had some time to spare.

You had found yourself scrolling through tiktok because you had nothing else better to do at this moment. It was a guilty pleasure of yours even though you and george both joked around about hating tiktok.

Time began to tick away so you had checked the clock on your phone which said 5:57 pm. You had grabbed shoes that you set up against your bed, slipped them on and grabbed all of your belongings for the night. You stationed yourself in the living room waiting till George came to the door.

Nervousness always came up before a date, it was the anticipation actually. You were excited and nervous about the date as you always were, but today for you was special. It was three years worth of beautiful love. You remembered the time he first said I love you too, it was just like it was yesterday.

***

"Hey y/n." George looked towards you. You both were sitting on a plaid, plush blanket with a brown woven basket ontop in between you two. It was just like the movies and that why you cringed because of how cheesy it was when George led you to it.

It was sweet, it was extremely sweet and you loved these dates that George always brung you too. You always felt special when you are sitting next to him.

You responded to George. "Yeah Gogy?" You laughed at the use of his nickname.

"Im trying to be serious right now and you call me Gogy." George smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do-"

"No I love you. I mean. I'm in love with you." George reached to rest his hand ontop of yours and repeated himself. "I'm in live with you y/n."

You wasted no time answering. "Im in love with you too."

***

6:03

George didnt show up yet, but there was no sweat. He was only 3 minutes late, maybe he ran into traffick. Your stomach was rumbling, but you didnt want to eat yet since you two we're planning to go to dinner. Patience is key, and it wasnt like he wasn't late before.

6:10

You started to get worried, it's been 10 minutes and still no sign of your boyfriend. You had gotton up several times to check outside of your door only to be met with no one. Your mind was jumping to conclusions about if he forgot your anniversary, but you shut those thoughts out for the time being.

6:19

Okay this is getting out of hand. You brung out our phone and began to text George, you couldn't believe that you had waited this long before texting the man.

Where are you? Ive been waiting for 29 minutes?!

[Sent: 6:20pm]

George what are you doing?

[Sent: 6:20pm]

You awaited his text message with your phone faced up on the coffee table infront of you. You didn't want to believe that George woukd forget, or overslept, but that was becoming truth the more minutes passed by with no call or text.

6:30

Calling him was useless, because he didn't answer. He didn't hang up on you he just wasn't picking up the phone, like he turned it off. You started to get worried if something happened to him, if he was in a situation where he couldn't call or text you. You wondered if he was safe at home and not out in the middle of the street.

In a flash all your worries subsided when your phone lit up with a notification.

ThisIsNotGeorgeNotFound is live:

Im Playing golf with my friends

That son of a bitch. Pissed off was an understatement, you were fuming. How could he end up streaming at home when you had constantly reminded him about this day, he knew damn well about this day too. How could he?

You ended up grabbing a jacket and your purse and ended up driving to George's place. It seemed like he was mocking you in a way, he knew you had notifications on for Twitch. You loved to support him and his career, but this was making a fool out of yourself.

Your hand tightly gripped the steering wheel as you tried not to run every red light you cane across. You finally came across George's home, you found a place to park and quickly got out of your car and sped walked your way to George's residence. Finally making up to George's door you knocked harshly on the door probably making more noise than what you intended too. You continuously banged on his door until you got fed up.

Remembering that George had given you a key to his house you dig through your purse to get your set of keys out anr unlock his door. You stomped inside his house and closed the door behind you.

"GEORGE! GEORGE!" You yelled through the house. You were being reckless and annoying, but you didnt care at this point you were fuming and needed to tell George how you feel.

You had made your way to George's recording room where he was talking to his friends on discord. George looked towards you in shock clearly not hearing the sounds you were making throughout his house.

"Y/N?!" George yelled and muted his microphone.

"What the hell are you doing?" You exclaimed back.

"Im streaming thats what Im doing!" George sassed back at you, not paying attention to his screen and the chat.

"Dont get smart with me. End the stream."

"What?! No!"

"You heard me, we need to talk." You crossed your arms across your chest. Your heart was beating too fast for your liking and you tried to calm yourself down, but George's comments were getting to you.

George was about to unmute himself and get back to the game. "No we dont-"

"GEORGE END THE FUCKING STREAM! This is embarrassing! Talk to me cause you have some explaining to do." You snapped at him.

A silence tell upon you two and he glared at you before turning to his stream and closing it out.

"Okay guys! Go watch the other boys streams I need to go now! Bye!" George quickly ended and turned off everything.

He turned around to you still sitting in his chair. "What? What do you want?"

"Do you know what today is?" You asked.

"April 30th." George answered bluntly.

"Thats all you have to say?" You asked in shock. "It's our anniversary dickhead!"

"I fucking know that." George said.

"You do? So why did you start streaming and we had dinner plans?!"

"I told you we were streaming! You weren't listening to me!" George stood up from his chair when he said that.

"When the fuck did you tell me this?!"

"A couple days ago! You didn't listen!"

"But you knew that was our anniversary! And we made dinnerr plans-"

George yelled over you. "A month ago! We made those plans a month ago so excuse me for forgetting!"

"So all these other years you remembered our anniversary and went out of your fucking way to cancel other plans around that date, but today you didnt because why?!" Tears were threatening to fall down you cheeks, but you wouldnt let him see you like that.

"Because I planned this already with the boys! And AGAIN you werent listening to me when I said that-"

"There were several other times that you could've told me too! But you didn't!" You sniffed trying to keep the frustrated tears inside.

"I already planned this and I cant go back on my promise-"

"But you can with me?!" You yelled and George stopped talking. He's just studying your face at this point and you hated this silence.

"Its not important apparently." You said while walking out of the recording room.

"You're being a bitch." He mumbled.

"Excuse me?! That is so disrespectful!" You spun around yelled at him.

"You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off." George said in a annoying tone.

"Yeah you should feel like shit! I feel like shit too so-!" You threw your hands up in exasperation and stormed out the room. You had made it to the door before George called out to you again.

"Y/n! Y/n! Please!"

"No! Just..." You paused before opening the door and ushering your way out. "Call me when you get your shit together.

You were currently curled up on your couch eating leftovers that you had in the refrigerator. That had satisfied your hunger for the night because the dinner was canceled that night. Your anger and sadness had subsided and you were only left with an unusual feeling in your heart. Your relationship felt incomplete, this fight felt incomplete. You didnt break up with him, but you were waiting for closure.

The TV was the only light in the room. It illuminated what it wanted to, you didnt care if it was too dark. Usually you would be cuddled up with George at this ungoldy hour, but you weren't and that made you tear up.

Your sadness was still there, your anger towards George turned into pity. You were sad about the actions he took, but somewhere in your heart you could forgive him. You could forgive and move on if he would come to you.

Speaking of, you had a knock on your door. You didn't have the strength to get up, but you did. Shuffling your way to the door you sluggishly opened it to find George standing there with his hands in his hoodie. The person you wanted to see, but at the same time you wanted to slam that door in his face.

"Hey." George spoke and you gave him a small smile, nothing more.

You turned around to find your seat back on the couch where you were comfortable, but also giving him a silent invitation to come inside. You had sat down on the couch not paying attention to George, but you knew he closed the door, took off his shoes by yours, and put his keys on the table by the door like he always did. It was like a routine to him.

George ended up awkwardly standing beside the couch as you ignored him.

"You know, if you didnt open the door I would've used my keys like you did." George tried to spark up a conversation, but you only hummed in response. You were scared that if you spoke, you would cry.

George ended up making his way to the couch sitting beside you and pulling you into his embrace. Your head was on his chest and you began to sob. You missed this it's only been a few hours, but you had felt that in those few hours you had lost everything. You continued to sob into his hoodie as he rubbed your back and shushed you, whispering sweet nothings into the air only for you to hear.

"Im here, and Im sorry. Im so fucking sorry that I did this to you and I only hope that you can forgive me." George said, his voice cracking a little when he said that. You kept crying.

That's what you wanted to hear all along, that's what you needed. You could forgive him in due time, you always will because you love him, you will always love him. You both can always make it right.

[morgannwilsonnn]

Chapters

I would be lying if i said i wasn't scared to start college in 12 day's. Even typing it makes me anxious, i don't think i have ever seen my own true potential in anything i have ever done. my doubt's and my fear's of what if have always held me back in some way and what is embarrassing is the fact that i have allowed it to become so normal that it has taken so much from me, it has degraded me made me feel like i wasn't worthy or smart enough or even capable.

See i didn't even finish highschool i got my GED after having my daughter at 16, i was the athlete everyone thought would make it but it was a shocker to them after that no one believed in me and i had a fire under my ass to prove them wrong even with a GED but then i dropped out of college and life happened i needed a job and a roof and from there i just got comfortable in what i did but even then it didn't feel like i was where i was meant to be. sitting behind a desk forever living life just enough to get by but never enough to do the things i wanted with my daughter. I looked for new job's with no luck and it made me feel even worse not good enough i felt stuck but i kept trying and even praying that this life wasn't what was meant for the rest of my life i somehow had to get out of the cycle and beat the statics of a single mom working 9-5 living on state for the rest of her life... then i got fired and lost my car almost lost my home i started busing tables even tho it wasn't nearly enough to pay all my bills i took turn running late on one or the other just to make it. Then i found i new job making 19 a hour but my first two days over whelmed me i didn't understand shit and how could i set myself up for failure i didn't believe in myself so i quit and went back to busing tables got pregnant had health issues and became a stay at home mom for going on two years now.

my life summed up over the last four years of my life.

being a stay at home mom has taught me alot about myself tho mainly that it is not easy and you fall into dark cracks sometimes so dark you're scared that you'll never resurface the cries become tuned out you forget that outside is even a place you cant help but cry as you wash dishes with no thoughts other then just feeling sad. you wonder if your kids would be better off without you because you feel guilty for being so comfortable with the feeling of frustration. but then you resurface and come back and say you wont go back but its like someone with a drug or alcoholic addiction you are bound to relapse back and it only gets worse but you hide it better each time you cry in the shower or when the kids are napping you sit up restless because your mind races. you start to feel like you have nothing to offer you completely forget your worth and what you can do your potential.

BUT everytime i tried to find a solution maybe i needed to set a goal to go out once a month or sit alone for a hour every day go to the gym go on a walk go shopping go to counseling and some how i still kept falling in between the cracks deeper and deeper.. i lost hope i wallowed that this was my life that i would never have my own life again but i had to love it because i loved my kids..

till one day i woke up and realized this person i have became over the last two years isnt who i have ever been. i am a strong working strong willed self determened women and the only thing that stopped me was me.

i remember sitting there thinking how bad i wish i could buy my own car again after watching tyler buy his the joy in his face made me happy but the sadness i felt because i didn't take a part made me want that happiness 100% to share TOGETHER. i started looking at my credit from when i lost my job it went to shit i use to have a 880 credit. and i thought what the fuck morgan... i told myself i would pay off one of the things as a starter to fixing my credit but once i made the first payment i cant explain how good it felt to know i wouldn't look back wishing i would have paid it then and it put a fire under my ass that i paid off three more things. that alone made me realize how it felt to have my own control over my financial freedom. i started thinking big after that and looking back into school for PTA 2 year schooling i could have finished that by now and been a PTA by the age of 20 instead of dwelling in my could have i realized instead how fast two years goes by so i started investing my free time on how to start college im not gonna lie i almost quit at the starting line but i didn't i started blowing up the schools phone asking questions more then once writing all over my notebook reorganizing it all on a new sheet and finally i would be starting school oct 18th..

but why would i wanna stop there when i could only dream of all these things in life a tahoe for my kids to have a nice car with back ac a nice house so they dont have to share a room anymore paying for sports clothes trips just because wanting to finish paying off the rest of my credit so i can do these things! i asked myself how bad did i really want it and i always knew i wanted it bad but just because you want something bad doesnt mean you get it so i asked myself how bad are you willing to invest in yourself... and that one caught me so i sat back for a few days exploring jobs and nothing fit my schedule so i gave up because not only that child care is 900 a week for one kid.. but then i got a text for a night time job working 6 hours from 6:30 to midnight .. i debated with myself about it because my man works till 5 some days i would never see him and only have sunday monday off but then i told myself invest and sacrifice now so i dont have to when my kids are older so i took it and granted i will be going to school part time 7am to 10am dropping my daughter off at school at 10;45 to pick her up at 2:30 and have time inbetween the time gaps to do her homework and mine as well as study before work at 6 i will be a tired beezy but i know it will be worth it three years from now. if i grind at night pay off my last two things on my credit start saving and graduate college all while showing my kids and man i can do it and i will do it not just for myself but for them because nothing in this life is impossible when you wake up and realize you build your own potential no one else and i for once in my life want to prove to myself how strong i am .

[abrakophile]

I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE. 

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING  (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP. 

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

[fizzingwizard]

;______; just heard that from September we’re gonna have three students in our cluster who are under 1 year old... (5 in the school total)

aaahhh im exhausted just thinking about it

and whats crazy is in one of the classes with under 1 yos there is a kid who is between 1-2 yo and she cannot walk yet. We have been trying to help her learn and have begun wondering if there is some reason beyond her mother just didn’t really encourage her to walk before. (Like maybe she needs leg braces etc.) So far no news on that but this kid only drags her feet around, obviously she needs constant help, and there are 12 other kids in the class, two of whom are under 1 and three teachers, HOW are they supposed to do it???

and the class that will have three under 1s has two first year teachers in it, that makes me so nervous... They’re both awesome coworkers, this is no shade on them, but under 1s can be TOUGH, it’s SO easy for them to get hurt. idk it feels like an accident waiting to happen.

i’ve been at schools where 5 students was an entire class, if we’re gonna have this many under 1s we should just have a class for them, come on! I love them but they are twice the work of kids on year older than them.

Also the recommended teacher-student ration for 1-3 yos is 1:6, which we abide by, but I believe it’s actually 1:3 or 1:4 when the kids are belong 18/12 mos. Apparently the head office does not care.

These kids are not in my class, I currently teach 2-3s, however I am a long care teacher and I look after them during morning and after care. I do their nap and their snack and play time supervision etc. From 10-2 they’re part of their class, but the rest of the day they belong to all of us.

More work ranting under the cut because I guess I just need to vent to the air.

And we have a LOT of students now - two clusters of going on 30 in each, in very small classrooms where the teachers are expected to watch them like a hawk AND keep constantly busy with numerous tasks at the same time.

Plus our prep time has been cut down this year despite additional work getting put on us, and we have no extra help.

If one teacher is out sick, no one gets prep time.

Don’t remember if I whined about this before, but a month or so ago we had a meeting in which the leader said “If you find you don’t have enough prep time, that’s on you to manage your time better.” It was super condescending and annoying. I’m like, dude, my contract says I get 1 hour prep and 1 hour break. We never ever EVER get the full two hours (and I should mention this is never consecutive, it’s 15 min here, 30 min there, 1 full hour if you’re really lucky). It’s usually at most 1 hr 45. But a 30 min break is fine! I’d love to take a 30 min break. Almost never do. Way too busy.

Like, I won’t get into it, but the laundry list of Stuff To Do recently has been ENORMOUS. In my class, I have 19 students. One of my co-teachers is part time, meaning she’s not around to help during much of prep time, and the other is a leader meaning she’s constantly in meetings or doing leader assignments. They are both fantastic co-workers, but yeah, this means I do ALL the class stuff. I prepare all the crafts, I do a ton of the organizing, and I’m often the only teacher from my class available in the afternoons because part-time teacher went home and leader teacher is in a meeting. So I end up with a lot of the after care stuff.

We have to hand out these big projects that teachers are responsible for preparing for each student on 8/16. We know these are coming and prep for them as soon as possible, but like, I won’t get into this either lol, but it’s so hard. It’s time-consuming by itself, and made worse because all the school computers are crap (like takes-15-min-to-start, another 10 to open the browser, 5 to go to the website, then it freezes, then 5 more, another freeze, etc) and like you have 15 min break time hahahahaha.

I wanted to get such a head start that I just started doing what I could back in the beginning of the year but we lit can’t do the bulk of the work until a certain kind of envelope is delivered and that doesn’t come till summer for some stupid reason. Soooo our long prep days in April when there are no kids around... can we use those to prep for this project? Heck no!

Anyway. This year’s is due on 8/16. This coming week we are off for obon break. This year also, the company is doing the project slightly differently. Instead of staggering what class gives out their projects to their students when, we all have to do it at once. We are our company’s biggest school, sooo my honest thought is no one at the head office thought about us when they made this change. The other schools don’t have to stagger anyway, they have at most two classes. We have four.

So this means everyone is printing their projects at the same time. For one student, you need 10 sheets on A3 paper. For my class of 19, that is 190 sheets of paper. For four classes, we’re over 700 sheets total. THAT IS A LOT OF PAPER.

So I get to work this morning and boss says “Yeah so we’re out of A3 paper.”

!!!

IT’S DUE MONDAY.

There was a little bit left so I just charged and printed as much of my stuff as I could in the morning before anyone else could. Then, miraculously, another packet of A3 paper appeared out of nowhere, and we were able to print most of the rest of our students’ projects. (My coworker who is a leader has not printed hers yet because she is super busy and isn’t finished. Again, she’s an awesome coworker, I wish I could have helped her more, but uh, I’m also swamped and not taking breaks, so. Hopefully she can do it before we really do run out of A3 paper.)

Getting more paper is no big deal, it’s just that no one has the time, and this is due Monday.

So I was super stressed. Sooooo super stressed for such a dumbbbb reason. And I don’t understand why these projects have to go out on Monday anyway. Some kids don’t even come to school on Mondays. Like. Just make sure they get them next week, isn’t that good enough?? Why make us stress and panic.

Everyone else seemed fine though, I was the only one tearing my hair out because I’m the type who finishes everything a day early so I have a day to check it over... I am not spontaneous and I hate to rush...

I lit told my coworkers, because regardless of the paper situation we are still behind because we have not had any time to organize the projects, that I will just stay late tomorrow to do it. It’s the Friday before a break so I don’t mind too much. I am really tired tho and would of course rather just go home and sleep but. I’ve done this before. Finishing up this project will take 1.5 hours - 2 hours at the current state it’s in, IF I can just sit down and do it uninterrupted. (Have I mentioned these projects are HEAVY?? And there’s 19 of them?? It’s a big job just to take them out and start putting them together >.<)

So tomorrow evening that is what I will likely be doing -.-;

There are INNUMERABLE other STUPID parts of this project - the idea behind it is great, but the way we are required to make it is absolutely bonkers and desperately needs a revamp but does anyone listen to a preschool teacher? heck no lol

uggh.

I feel better after venting tho.

I like my job, I just wish humans in general gave a shit, not even about quality of life (since obvs that’s expecting too much lol, also as a person with privilege I’m aware I’ve already got it pretty darn good), but just about not making jobs that are ridiculous. Just plan them out better, sheesh. There’s no reason for all this running around. The projects don’t need to be printed. Or they don’t need to be so huge. They don’t need all this fuss and nonsense. They are a good idea, but we could do them in a way that would be sooo much less stressful.

(The funniest part of all being, it’s a project for the parents mainly, and the parents... don’t like it x’D No they really don’t. They are happy to have the project, but first they’ve got to get it home, and it is HUGE and HEAVY and UNWIELDY lmao. And some of them are carrying twin 2 year olds and both of their futons home as well, and we’re like “here you go, two giant projects for you to take home!” And the parents are like “thanks????”)

[shhh-no-ones-home]

water wars bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

i havent read this since i wrote it so if it sucks im sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

prompts:

10. If you use up all the hot water again i swear to god! You're on the couch for a month

2. How long have you been standing there

51. I'm your husband it's my job

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

I woke up in a slight daze before rolling over and realizing two things. 1) bucky was no longer in bed with me, which meant he's either left already or he's downstairs making breakfast still and 2) the time on the clock stated it was almost 9 am. I sat up abruptly with wide eyes and threw the blankets off of myself. It was already 9 am?! That meant i had t minus 5 minutes to shower and get dressed and get to work. I was supposed to be at the compound at 9:30 and as often as tony asked me to move in with the rest of the crew i just could find myself to do it. Which wasn't that big of a deal because buck liked the seclusion of having our own house as well as the freedom to have whatever pets we wanted, like the spunky golden retriever we adopted shortly after we started seeing each other and the laid back overly lazy pitbull we adopted less than a year ago. I struggled to find clothes to wear as lili kept nudging me for pats, i gave in though because i couldn't take the sad face she was giving me. I stared up at my hanging clothes while sitting on the floor with her and soon she was laid with her head on my knee and i was stuck with no outfit to wear.

I looked down at her for a second before hearing loud footsteps running up the stairs and immediately wanting to stand up for my faces sake. Suddenly our golden, reign, came in, followed by a laughing bucky, and began attacking me with kisses stirring up lili in the process. It in turn left me to my own devices huddled on the ground to avoid the excited puppy paws prancing around me. Bucky just stood and laughed at the situation before helping me up and kissing me lightly through his smile.

"Youre late."

I smacked his chest lightly and stepped to the side to get away from the ruckus.

"You are too."

He grabbed my waist and brought me to him and kissed me again.

"We could just call in today?"

I gave him a look.

"You know exactly why we cant do that. Besides if we play hookie another day im sure tony will have a fit."

I laughed at his stern expression before watching it turn to amusement.

"Eh, let him, i think i deserve a few off days with my girl."

"You know what you could do?"

I grabbed a random shirt off the hanger and a matching pair of pants.

"What?"

"You can call someone at the compound and tell them we are going to be a little late"

"And what excuse are we using this time?"

We smiled at each other as i backed my way to the bathroom door.

"Dogs were being hard to handle?"

I shrugged and walked back further before going to close the door.

"Im sure youll think of something."

***

I turned the water on the hottest setting i could and waited for it to warm up. As i waited i turned on some music and checked the temperature. I waited and waited but it never once got hot. I quickly shut it off and wrapped my robe around myself, opening the bathroom door, and stomping down the stairs. When i got down there buck was sitting at the breakfast bar feeding the dogs pieces of pancake. I stood in the doorway with my hands on my hips. None of them noticed me though until i cleared my throat. I pointed at bucky with a stern expression on my face.

"You could have told me before i went in the bathroom that i would be showering in the waters of the arctic. If you use up all the hot water again i swear to god! You're on the couch for a month!"

He looked at me sheepishly but quickly looked back at the whining wonder twins begging for more pancake. He got up, then, and walked to me with open arms.

"I did think i used that much, honest."

He tried to give me a hug but i kept him an arms length away.

"No no, its a dry shampoo day now because of you."

I gave him a smirk and turned to go back upstairs and get dressed, reign following closely behind me because he was no longer being fed.

***

The next day i woke up around 8. It was good to know i was up early enough to shower and be to work on time. I grabbed my clothes, assuming bucky was gone already, or downstairs letting the dogs out, and quickly went to the bathroom to shower. When i turned the water on again i did the same as yesterday, turning it to the hottest setting and waiting for it to warm up; but it never did. I stomped down the stairs again and was met with the dogs at the back door whining to be let in. i gladly opened the door and watched them run to the laundry room down the hall under the stairs. I was met with bucky leaning against the dryer, hair still wet, reading the back of the dog food back that he'd presumably just emptied into the big plastic container. I raised an eyebrow at him and stood with my hands on my hips again. When he looked up at me he noticed the stance and tried to offer me a small smile.

"Have any guesses on why im angry and still in my robe?"

He bent down to pet the dogs as they ate only looking up at me with quick glances.

"I.... dont.... Know...?"

"I was serious yesterday, ya know."

"Bout what?"

I dropped my shoulders in defeat.

"You get to sleep on the couch my friend. You gotta stop stealing all the hot water before i get up in the morning, now im gonna have to back to showering at night."

"Oh come on, you cant banish me to the couch tonight!"

"Watch me."

I turned to leave and heard him call after me as i walked back upstairs.

"Come on babe, its not like its entirely my fault!"

I saw him drop his arms to his sides, looking up the stairs at me as i walked back into our room.

***

I tossed and turned quite a few times, looking at the clock every time i did. And soon it was midnight and i still couldn't fall asleep. I sat up slowly and noticed only lili had made it upstairs to sleep in the corner of the room where she normally resided. I yawned and rubbed my eyes before rolling out of bed and making my way to the stairs. I wanted to find bucky but i didnt know what i would do when i reached him, its not like i was gonna wake him up. He normally had a hard time falling asleep as it was and i would just feel guilty waking him up over something so stupid. I hit the bottom of the stairs and decided to sit there for a second, cuddling up to reign who gladly found me shortly after i sat down on the last stair. I whispered to him for a short minute.

"I never really realized how lonely it gets in bed without him ya know."

He just stared at me and panted, almost smiling through the thick darkness. I smiled back and scratched behind his ears.

"Dont know what im gonna do with myself if hes already asleep reign. Guess ill just have to sit alone in bed till its time to get up. Then ill be groggy all day cause i didnt get to cuddle up to bucky bear."

I sighed heavily and watched reign make the short walk to the laundry room for a drink. I sighed heavily and pushed myself off the stair and tiptoed through the kitchen. When i found myself in the doorway of the living room i couldn't find it in myself to go further, i just watched for a second before closing my eyes and rubbing my hands over my face. When i opened my eyes again i could see bucky standing by the couch, stretching his arms. When he dropped them he brought his metal arm to scratch the back of his head. Suddenly reign ran beside me, panting, dripping water down the side of my leg as he did. I made an audible gasp, followed by a soft

"ew, reign, thats nasty."

I looked up and immediately slapped my hand over my mouth, bucky now looking at me through the darkness. I let out a nervous laugh before bucky reached over and turned on the lamp beside the couch. He gave me a soft smile.

"How long have you been standing there?"

I shrugged.

"Not long, couldnt sleep."

I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and looked at the ground.

"Guess i haven't spent enough time away from you. I still feel uncomfortable when your not in bed with me."

I looked up to see him smiling, and holding his arms out to me. I gladly obliged, walking over and giving him a big hug.

"You know i think thats why we work so well together. I mean i wouldn't have asked you to marry me if i didnt think so."

I looked up at him and smiled, fidgeting with my engagement ring behind his back as we held each other.

"And im so glad you did, you make me angry from time to time, like using all the hot water, but i dont know what i would do without you."

He let out a small laugh and let go of me, pulling me down onto the couch with him. We sat in silence for a couple minutes just examining each other. Pretty soon both the dogs were cuddled up beside us. I let out a long sigh and laughed a little to myself.

"What?"

I shook my head.

"How come your such a pain all the time?"

He smiled back at me.

"Im your husband, its my job."

I poked him a little.

"Not yet you arent."

we both just laughed a little.

"Soon, very very soon."

He kissed the top of my head and cuddled close to me. Not before long and he turned the light out, noticing the heaviness of my eyes. Soon we were both asleep against each other, cuddled up on the couch with the rest of our little family.

[fuckapuck]

Injured

Mikko Rantanen x fem!Reader

Warnings: none. A little sad though

This is my very first fan fic! I got this idea into my head and couldnt get it out so i had to write it up! Idk if its any good i certainly hope it is! Im posting this on mobile so idk how it will look posted. Sorry! Its kinda a long one

Mikko sighed as the doctor stitched up his cheek. It had been a rough game against the preds and he ended up catching a skate balde with his face. It was a nasty gash that went from his temple and on to the corner of his lip.

It hurt and he wasn't ashamed to say he cried.

Lots of local anesthesia and a few stitches later there was just a very dull throbbing in the left side of his face. Some one had come back to tell him the 3rd period started and he desperately wished he could be out there right now. He was taken back to the locker room told to keep his bandages dry and get cleaned up and changed.

He shed a few more tears out of frustration. He knew he would have to sit out a few games to let this heal a bit before he could get back out on the ice. He grabed his phone. He didn't have any texts or missed calls from (Y/N) as he expected. You were working tonight and wouldnt get off till almost 2 am, so you wouldn't find out about his injury until your shift was done. Hopefully. You hated that job and Mikko often told you just to quit and not to worry about expenses. He would take care of anything that was needed. He washed up and changed back into regular clothes. He couldnt wait to get back to the hotel and put on soft stretchy clothes.  He sat down in his stall and stared at his phone. Should he text (Y/N)? You were working and he didn't want you to worry. There was still had 5 hours left of your shift. He let out another sigh and hung his head as he shut off his screen.

His thoughts were interupted as whoops and cheers came from outside the door. It burst open and his teammates poured in. He smiled as much as he was able and was embraced by a few guys. Gabe and Z took their time talking to him making sure he was doing fine.

"I won't really know how I feel until I'm not numb." He joked with them. His mood was brightening as his captain and friends told the story of their victory. He ignored the pain in his chest for not being there.  That he didn't get to see it. 

The night continued and interviews were completed. He declined doing one until his face felt better. He was more than happy to use his cheek as an excuse to not talk to media. Normally he didn't care, but he just really didn't want to do it tonight. As the reporters cleared and the team finished getting changed Barbs came over and smacked him on the shoulder.

"Hanging in there Rants?" He smiled at the finn.

"Oh yeah, just a little out of it." He head was a bit fuzzy still but getting clearer and more painful by the minute.

"Nice. They must have given you the good stuff!" Barbs nudged him again and mikko felt more at ease. He could do this. The playful chirping of teammates. He didn't have to think about his face. The light hearted fun continued. Until his name brought his full attention back.

"Huh?" He blinked.

"I said I would help you get back into the single life!" Barbs laughed and a few other joined him.  A sudden unease took over mikko.

"What do you mean?" He questioned. The unease growing.

"This." mark poked his own cheek and nodded at mikko. "Gonna be single by morning!"

Mikko stayed silent and just stared. He felt like he couldn't breathe. The guys seemed to see that this particular chrip hit a sensitive spot.

"Fuck barbs! Shut up." Gabe hissed. Mikko zoned out and found himself trapped in his mind. It was a horrible injury to his face. He wouldn't look the same after this. He would be scarred. His mind was reeling and he didn't remember when he got back to the hotel. Only that he made it back. He was in mild pain now the medication wearing off. He hoped he could get to sleep before he could feel all of it. He changed his clothes in a daze and climbed into bed. He stared at the ceiling trying to get to sleep but he couldn't. He just kept thinking about you.

How you would smile at him and kiss his face. How you would grab his cheeks and nuzzle into him calling him beautiful and handsome. His chest felt constricted and he threw the covers off of himself. He laid there as thoughs of you circled his mind. Your words that he so loved to hear now haunting him. You wouldn't think he was beautiful anymore. You wouldn't look fondly at him and caress his face. Would you cry when you saw him? Would you be angry at him for ruining his appearance? What would he do with out you? He heard his phone vibrate he looked over. You were calling him. He moved his eyes back to the ceiling. It stopped and a few minutes later he heard the message notification sound. He ignored it. He couldn't bring himself to see what you had to say.

An uneasey sleep came over him only an hour and a half before he was suppose to get up. He packed quietly and jumped when someone knocked on his door. He opened it to find his coach and a medic. They wanted to check on him.

He was sat down as the doctor went over how to clean and bandage it again. He handed him a bag of perscription pain killers and extra bandages. Coach had a hand on his shoulder. At the end of it he was told he would have to sit out for at least a week and then they would look at how the healing was doing and if everything was good he could go back to playing with a face cage until it was fully healed. Coach gave him some pats on the back and told him to take two or three days after they got back to rest. Take it easy.

He packed silently and watched his hands tremble. You wouldn't leave his mind. Your soft skin and gentle touch. Your laugh and your smiles. How he could always tell how you were feeling because your eyes showed everything. What would they show now? Disgust?

He loaded into the bus. Some of the guys came over to him but he pointed at his cheek and shook his head.  The bus arrived at the airport and everyone loaded into the plane. Taking their seat. He put himself buy a window toward the back. Gabe and Nikita sat by him. About 30 minutes in Nikita gently nudged him.

"What barbs said. It was joke you know. He did not mean it." He spoke softly to Mikko. Gabed turned towards them.

"He's right Mikko. You know (Y/N) would never do something like that." Gabe reassured. Mikko  closed his eyes and turned his head away from the window and looked at his two friends.

"Tell me the truth. If you were in my place, if this was your faces not mine, would your wives leave?" Mikko asked. His heart beating in his ears he needed the answer.

Nikita and Gabes eyes widened. Z looked down at his hands not saying a word. Gabe opened and closed his mouth trying to think of something to say. Mikko turned back to the window and felt tears stinging his eyes. Yes, they would. They wanted handsome pretty husbands and a scar like the one this will leave will not be pretty. The rest of the flight was silent between them.

Mikko couldn't help but think of the way (Y/N) normally greeted him when he got off the plane. She always tried her best to be there. She always would grab his face, kiss him and give him a tight warm hug. She would tell him that she loved him and promise a delicous home cooked meal. Would it be the same? Would she even be able to look at him?

The plane landed and he dragged himself off of it. They approached where the WAGS would normally wait, but he couldn't look up. He was so afraid that if he did, you wouldn't be there.

He felt a nudge and looked to Nate who nodded his head forward. Mikko looked up and there you were. You were smiling but it was different from normal.

Mikko walked up to you and almost had to hold back tears as you embraced him. It felt just as tight and warm as it always did he felt one hand so very softly touch his uninjured cheek.

"Lets go home okay?" He couldn't look you in the eye. He walked silently by your side and held your hand loosely. There was no kiss. No usual excitement. He felt his world becoming smaller. Maybe if he asked nicely you would let him hold you one last time before you left him forever.

The car ride was quite on his part. Your gentle voice talking softly about little things that had happened in his week away. He couldn't muster up the courage to say anything to you. Afraid it would be the last thing he would ever say to you.

You pulled into his spot at his apartment and attempted to help with his bags But Mikko carefully took them from your hands and carried them himself. The two of you went up to his place. He put his bags on his bed and started to unpack. You came up beside him and started to help. He wanted to object but couldn't. Time passed and soon everything was unpacked and the two of you were sitting on the couch. (Y/N)  kept a small one sided conversation going and Mikko mearly stared on.

"What would you like for dinner?" You asked, but Mikko said nothing.

"Mikko? Why won't you talk to me love?" She asked gently and her small, soft fingers gently brushed his uninjured cheek. Suddenly he couldn't help it anymore. It was too much. Why were you still being kind to him if you were going to leave him? He began to cry. He couldn't stop it. Instantly you were there. Holding him and comforting him with kind hands and words. He almost let himself relax into your warm body. But he couldn't. It was too painful.

He stood up abruptly and stared down into shocked concered eyes.

"Just do it already! Stop playing with me and do it!" He tried to sound stern but he just sounded broken.

"What are you talking about? Do what?" You asked and went to reach for him. Mikko stepped back out of your reach.

"End it. End it like you want to. I know you do. Just leave me already and stop making it hurt!" Mikko practically shouted. You stared at him with wide hurt eyes.

"Leave you? Why would I do that?" You asked your voice shaking. Mikko couldn't look at you.

"This," he pointed to his bandage, "my face will be different and ruined. I know you want to leave me. Just do it." He ended quietly and weakly.

"Do you honestly think I'm that shallow?" He could hear the pain in your voice. He just shrugged. "Mikko Rantanen you will look at me right now!" You snapped. Mikkos head shot up he eyes locking with yours. He saw pain and anger in those eyes.

"You listen to me right now. I love you. I have loved you since I met you. Not because of your face, but because of you. How you treat me and talk to me. How you make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world when I know I'm not. I would never leave you because of an injury! For fucks sake you are a hockey player! Injuries and hockey go hand in hand!" You yelled and got closer to him. "I knew what I signed up for when I started dating you. I'm in it for the long haul and I won't be leaving just because of a scar!" You jabbed him in the chest with your finger and crossed your arms. You deflated a little the anger subsiding and hurt remained.

"Do you really think so little of me Mikko?" You barely whispered out your arms dropping to your sides. Mikko couldn't take it. Your pain and saddness. His doing. He moved suddenly and wrapped you in his arms the good side of his face against the top of your head.

"No. No I don't. I promise. I love you. You are the best woman in the world. The kindest and most wonderful and beautiful. I was just scared. The boys said - " mikko rushed out. You had relaxed against him but the quickly pushed away and look up to him with anger in your eyes.

"What did the boys say?" You ground out. Mikko explained Barbs chirp and Gabe and Z's silence on the plane. Suddenly you weren't in his arms but pacing the living room as he watched on fondly.

"Those stupid little- UGH! Let me tell you if their wives ever find out about that they will be pissed. Fuck! They will give them some scars to worry about. Those absolute idiots! And I'm going to kill barbs. Those kind of jokes aren't funny. I'm gonna kick his ass! I'm going to practice tomorrow and im gonna beat him with his hockey stick!" You ranted on furiously. Mikko just laughed and came up and wrapped his arms around you.

"Please don't kill anyone. I'm very sorry my love. I am very very sorry." You again relaxed in his arms and nuzzled into his chest." I got worried and to into my head and then you didn't kiss me and-"

"Kiss you? Mikko I didn't want to hurt you! Your mouth was injured too not just your cheek!" You laughed at him in exasperation. Mikko blinked down at you.

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh.'" You rolled your eyes, and leaned Into him, "I love you mikko and I won't stop." You pressed your face into his chest and his grip tightened.

"I love you too" he swore to himself not to doubt you again. And felt secure in his knowledge that you loved him.

"I am gonna get barberio back though." She warned. He chuckled and press a very soft kiss to her head.

"I know."

[coffeecrusadeclub]

Secrets - Tyrus fic

Cyrus's POV:

I walked down the path that lead to the treehouse in my boyfriend's backyard, looking around to make sure nobody was around to see me. We had been dating for 9 months but still snuck around, still too scared to tell people. I climbed up the ladder to our spot. A beat up tree house that we had cleaned up and renovated by ourselves. We painted the walls, put a small carpet down, got a few beanbags and added a few other small furnishings just to make it homey.

I looked down one more time to make sure no one is around, of course no one was. It was 5am, the sun wasnt even completely out yet. I popped my head in and scanned the room, TJ had turned the fairy lights on probably when he got in. I smiled softly, he was curled up fast asleep on one of the bean bags. I climbed in and latched the door shut behind me before crawling over to him and wrapping my arms around him

"Pst hey baby Im here" I whispered, kissing him on the forehead.

His eyes fluttered for a moment before he opened them and looked at me with a smile. "Hi there handsome. What time is it?"

"Its about 10 minutes till 5" i replied checking the time on my phone.

"Youre late Cy" he pouted pulling me closer.

"I know I'm sorry my mom left to work late. I had to wait till she left" I nuzzled my head into his shoulder, "you know it'd be so much easier if I could tell her" I sighed.

"Babe.. we talked about this so much. Im not ready to tell our parents, not yet Im sorry" he looked sad and i felt bad for bringing it up but I want to tell people, I was proud to be able to say TJ Kippen is my boyfriend.

"I know I just- can't we at least tell our friends? I mean Buffy and Andi are already putting 2 and 2 together and I want to tell them before they figure it out themselves."

"I know Cy I know I just- what if they slip and tell Amber? She'll probably tell our parents and-"

"TJ I know Amber, you could kill someone and she wouldn't tell a soul. But I get it we can wait till you're ready, its okay" I assured him, although it really wasnt. I was truly getting tired of sneaking around to spend time with him. I felt terrible lying to my parents about where I was going and what I was doing, but I do it because I love him.

"I know, we will in a little while. Lets go back to sleep for now. I love you Cy" he mumbled into my shirt

"I love you too dear" I put my head down as i started to let my mind drift until we were both sound asleep.

_________________________________________

I woke up a few hours later to the sound of soft music playing. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I looked around to try and find the source of the music, but couldn't. I couldn't even find TJ. I checked the time and saw that it was now 11:30 am. I assumed TJ had gone to the house for food and popped my head out of the door. TJ was in the backyard playing music from the radio.

"Hey! Youre awake! Come down I have a surprise for you" TJ greeted me and I smiled before climbing down.

I didnt pay much attention to the surroundings and walked over to him and wrapping my arms around him. TJ chuckled nervously and I pulled away

"Whats wro-" I cut myself off and looked away to notice that our friends were here. I quickly took several steps away

"S-sorry still waking up I didnt mean to- whats going on" i stumbled over my words in panic.

TJ laughed, "Its ok babe I was messing with you, I told them. Happy birthday my love" he moved forward and wrapped his arms around me.

"So when did you guys get together?" Andi asked curiously.

"About 9 months ago.. in September" I replied, wrapping my arm around TJ's waist.

"I KNEW IT ANDI JONAH YOU BOTH OWE ME $5" Buffy cheered causing Jonah and Andi to groan in disappointment

"Hey well we should go, let these two enjoy their day. See you both at the party right?" Jonah nudged the girls

"Definitely" I replied with a smile.

Me and TJ waved as they walked away and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Happy birthday Underdog. No more secrets"

"What about our parents?"

"Mine are home now, do you want to go now?" He asked a smile plastered on his face. I smiled back and nodded.

~We came out to all 3 sets of parents by the end of the day. All of which had wonderful reactions as well as a few "yeah we already knew" reactions. But either way I couldnt be happier than I was today. I dont care if the world knows what my secrets are. I have him and thats all that matters.

[jodywegner]

A bad day. (I just need to rant into the abyss of the internet)

I’ve never actually left work early for a bad day before. But I felt that today if I didn’t, I’d end up embarrassing myself and ruining all of my relationships with my coworkers or better yet end up in the HR office. It was just an accumulation of a few too many small things that have been building up for months while I’m emotionally vulnerable.

I also know that none of my coworkers will ever see this post. But even if they do, I doubt they were aware of my feelings. The worst part is that nothing is really anyone’s fault. There’s no bad guy, and that makes it all the more frustrating, and that finally came to a head today. Because I can’t chew people out for doing nothing wrong. Sorry for the long post. Lotta resentments getting bottled up.

So context. 1. My grandfather has been in declining health for a while now. This isn’t very upsetting for me. He’s in his mid 90s and lived a full life. We were all provided for and everything is taken care of. For me, it feels more like a natural thing that is now finally happening. My aunt and my father have been fighting for years over different things, but my grandfather’s declining health has definitely rekindled the flames of war. 2. I work in TV animation production, and my goal is to become a storyboard artist. I’ve made that goal clear. I’ve asked for tests but I can never get any. I’ve asked for feedback and no one has given me any. The shining star of this was my boss giving me 5 long minutes of not quite saying “it’s not good enough.” I figured he was busy and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He did say that if he hadn’t hired our then current revisionist, he’d love to have me start as one. Since then, he’s hired 4 more revisionists who have come and gone for different reasons. 3. I don’t think I draw that fucking bad. I’ve been told my artists I work with “why don’t you have an art job yet?” which the answer is “because no one will fucking give me one when I ask and you guys aren’t in a position to.” (they mean it as a compliment but it just really keeps bringing me down whenever I fail) And there are a lot of people my age getting art jobs while I’m not and yah I’m not that old but it’s very stressful and discouraging regardless of logic and optimism. 4. My intern this last semester showed my boss a sample board and got extensive notes and feedback and was offered freelance revision work even though she’s still a junior in college. She’s 3 years younger than me and was here for 2 months. My boss literally walked into my office then started talking to her in the adjacent cube over the wall about how good she is and the upcoming freelance revisionist work. And I have to sit there quietly and pretend it’s not killing me. 5. I’m lactose intolerant. 6. I guess I’ve been suffering from job related depression for the above reasons. Nothing major, I’m not suicidal, but I’m definitely very unhappy and going to work is definitely not a fun or even neutral experience anymore. It’s hard because the correct answer to my problem is “git gud’ and we all know how NOT FUCKING HELPFUL that is. Today 1. I get a text from my parents at 6 am telling me that my grandfather has passed away. We went over yesterday to say our goodbyes expecting him to pass either today or tomorrow. We left at around 8pm and asked my aunt to call us when he passed and that we’d come over. So my parents find out that he passed away at 6 am today. From a third party that isn’t even FUCKING RELATED TO US. Apparently my grandfather had passed away 10 minutes after we left yesterday, and she decided not to let us know. We had to find out through some other person offering my father his condolences. 2. Well the two coworkers I am closest with were late for miscellaneous reasons so I kinda had to keep #1 bottled up for 2 hours. 3. When things happen, I bluster and storm for the first hour before calming down and becoming rational. So I’m sitting at my desk all morning trying my best to keep my shit together because I’m absolutely fuming and was (forbid) by my mother to retaliate. She’s not wrong but there’s a lotta stress and emotions here. (3.5. Although I was directly forbid retaliation, I still went ahead and planned it anyways because it was a mildly constructive use of my stress. DM me if you want to know how to ruin someone’s entire week and never get caught.) 4. I took some Lactaid 30 minutes before I decided to finish my leftover mac n cheese from the fancy food truck yesterday as breakfast. Yah the Lactaid didn’t work at all for some ungodly reason... It’s 9am and I’m in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally now.... 5. So one of my favored coworkers finally beats traffic and gets in so I go to talk to her about all of this. I immediately get cry-y. Which blah blah blah crying is part of grieving but I can do that later. It’s not great when I’m at work because crying opens up the floodgate of emotions and the near impossible task of re-wrangling them under control is now daunting. Emotional fortitude -50. And people just kinda didn’t notice that I was crying and upset and not very quietly recounting this horrible morning story. They kinda walked right by. Not a single person other than that one coworker (and my other favored one who came in a bit later) offered me any condolences or asked about how I was doing of if I was ok. It’d be one thing if that happened and no one was around and I regained my composure. BUT I DIDN’T. 6. That fucking intern (who’s a nice person but god I wish they’d stop existing in my life. It’s fucking petty but today is really the worst day for it so fuck it I’m saying it.) is coming in for a big storyboard meeting between all the board artists, revisionists, and supervisors. So I had to see her and pretend to smile and be pleasant and supportive while I’m emotionally compromised, grieving, pissed, and now petty and jealous all over again. So I get that out of the way and I sit back down and get to work. 7. The other coworker I like to talk to comes in. She was a former intern who also wants to be a board artist so we try to help each other in our endeavors together. She’s an optimist. She says that she’s going to ask if she can sit in on the meeting and asks if I’d like to come along. Bless her outgoing-ness that I struggle with. But as much as I’d like to... that’s a room full of people who either forgot that I want to be a board artist, don’t care, or are straight up ignoring me about it and keep doing and saying all of these unintentionally hurtful things to and near me. Also that fucking intern is there. Also I’m pissed. Also I’m emotionally distraught. So I declined her offer. Even if I could get something good out of that meeting, I’m pretty sure I would have just had a breakdown in the corner. So I didn’t want to embarrass myself like that or make people feel uncomfortable for doing their normal business. 8. So by this point I’m sure I’m going to be snippy or mean or start crying in front of people, so my goal was to finish my most important task and leave at noon. I finish, I grab my bag to leave. As I do, they all get out of their storyboard meeting and bluster past me because they are now late for seeing the storyboard trainee program final presentations. GREAT. 9. Another production coworker of mine comments on how its important for them to go in case they see anyone they’d like to hire as a revisionist. I fianlly hit FUCKIT and say “IM GOING HOME.” And so I go to walk to the elevators. 10. I chose the wrong time to walk to the elevators because everyone in that meeting is waiting at the elevators to go look at the storyboard trainee presentations and scope out the new talent. They’re in too much of a busy mind to notice that I’m about to cry and am probably glaring with white knuckles as I clutch my bag. Luckily for me the elevator is full and I have an excuse to take the next one and not theirs. A part of me wished that they would say “come on in! i’m sure you can fit!” But... stuff like that never happens with them. No one goes out of their way to include me in things. So... whatever. Maybe I’m just being negative trying to find the bad in every little thing, but this is a rant so I’m going to do just that because fuck the consequences of people liking me and thinking I know how to adult properly. 11. I’m driving home and get a message from my coworker (glanced at a long red dont arrest me pls wait till tomorrow) saying that the intern asked if I had sent her intern evaluation to her school yet. I did. A few weeks ago. This isn’t really a bad thing it’s just that I was finally fucking free and just about to not have any reason to keep it together but then BAM. Intern shows up in my life again. Right after I though it was all over. A little god damn poke. Now So I managed to drive home without crashing into buildings or furiously honking and I am now just holding my cat and typing this. I’m pretty sure none of my coworkers will ever see this. A part of me wishes they would and that maybe they’d care, because I really don’t want to have to start a conversation specifically about all of this with them.    Who the hell starts a conversation with: “By the way boss, can you please stop discussing giving the intern freelance work when I’m within earshot let alone in my god damn 6′x8′ cube?” “Hey boss, remember when I asked you for feedback and got none? Why does the intern get your full attention when you are even busier?” “Hey boss, why have you hired 4 more revisionists when you said that’d you’d love to have me as one? Did you forget? Were you just lying to me because you didn’t know how to give me feedback? Did you even care about what you say to me?” “Hey intern, I understand you are excited and this is a great opportunity for you, but can you please read the room at least a little because I want to cry every single time?” “Hey everyone, I want to be a board artist remember? REMEMBER?” ”Hey everyone... I’m an artist too.” “Hey everyone, can anyone just give me a little help?” ”Hey everyone, if I keep my purse stocked with your allergy medications, pain killers, band aids, digestive relief, girly goods and keep good snacks around and remember your schedules and try to make your jobs easier and serve as your primary IT person...will you remember that I’m here?” “Hey everyone, do you all dislike me or do you all just not care enough to notice me?” They’re all good people, but it’s not stuff that I really know how to say just out of the blue. So today... I just couldn’t stand being even in my own cube anymore. I’m not an outgoing entrepreneurial person who bugs people everyday trying to sell themselves as an artist. I’m someone who tells you my intentions, and asks for help, and then believes people when they tell me sorry they’re busy, that they wish they could help, that they’d love to have me if only not for “x”. No one is entitled to give me a job or help me. But... I don’t get why I’m the only one who gets nothing for a response when I do ask. If they were busy, that’d be fine. But since then things have gotten busier, and my boss personally worked through multiple iterations of my intern’s practice board with her. A good piece of advice I got was that your first 5 tests are awful...but I can’t even get anyone to give me my first one. I’m told to work hard and “git gud”. But it feels like I’m just bashing my head against a brick wall, and no one even acknowledges the effort. It feels like if I decide to stop doing that because I’m about to have a breakdown, I’ll be looked down on as a quitter and not passionate enough. I have passion, but all of this is 100% killing it, and I don’t want to hate art. I really don’t. But I’m starting to. It’s hard for me to enjoy it when now it’s only done to seek attention and approval that I’ll never get from these people. Today would have been difficult still, but not unbearable if not for that. My grandfather’s death isn’t a tragedy for me. He was in pain for a long time and he definitely made the most of his life. The tragedy is that despite all of this, my aunt decided that my family didn’t deserve to know that our grandfather, my father’s father (who lives literally 5 minutes away by car), had passed. I’m definitely not looking forward to the memorial service for my grandfather. Not because the death is hard to deal with but because all of the family there is. Would love to make life terrible for my aunt. Would love to be just as petty. I have so many colorful things to say and do. But ultimately none of that matters. It’s just death. Nothing changes it or adds a new flavor to it. So all of that anger and hurt just kinda snowballed today. And to top it all off as I’m typing this some asshole is beating a dog somewhere in the neighborhood and the dog is screaming and yelping. (called the police so hopefully they find them) Thanks for reading this long negative rant. I hope it helps anyone who is feeling similarly frustrated, because I dont have someone around who’s breaking down quite like I am so this is all I have. Shooting it into the internet in a passive aggressive attempt and chance that maybe someone who needs to read it will. Positive news: I watered my plants with the extra time. I hugged my cat. I will be returning with art for Mermay.

[fuck-customers]

I work at a not western grocvery store. Im split between two departments. Which is frustrating because I really love one and loathe the other. No one even asked or told me… Just your in the other one now. One of my Department managers is the reason I hate it. In this DM’s(Department manager) eyes, before I was split, I could do nothing right. Nothing was clean enough (I usually had to close.) But when I ask co workers they tell me everything is fine. I have a hundred things to clean(each taking a minimum of 5-10 minutes) plus dishes in two-three hours and I am usually the only one back there. Im not going to get everything perfectly, Im sorry. They are the only person I have issues with. I honestly feel a bit target because my parents are pretty active in the community and the DM is apart if that community and knows who my parents are.

This was before I split. Its been about three weeks since I was placed back there and Im back again for the forsee able future. I had to work yesterday and today. Yester day I worked with them and they were as sweet as fucking candy. They told me I was one of the few working in the back who knew how to clean. And that they are giving more hours to those of us who do clean and yada yada. It was so confusing to hear that. All I could think was ‘abscence makes the heart grow fonder’ and didnt believe a single word that came out of their mouth.

Ive had two insane expeirences with customers.

The first one was in the department I love. We have a donut case which is baked from that morning. The donuts that arent bought are placed in a box to go to the break room. I had already done this and had set them so I could grab the donuts on the way out. Well a customer came by and wanted some.Keep in mind Im closing and I have about thirty minutes maybe an hour to finish. Still no biggie, I tell them one moment and wash my habds and put on gloves. Cuz corporate. Turn around to ask him and the fool and walked away to talk to someone. Just.. What?!? I dont unda erstand why customers do this. The Fool didnt even tell thwir wife wtf he wanted just, walked off. I waited for him to come back, eveb calling him to let him know. After a minute I went back to cleaning cuz Idgf anymore, I got to clean. Then the fool reappears, so I have to wash my hands all over again to serve him. So I grabn the box set it down on the table and ask him what he wants. He comes behind the counter to tell me.Like fuck no. You dont fucking come behind the fucking counter. Im a fucking 18 year old by my fucking self, no coworkers in sight. Ask me what I have. That made me so super fucking uncomfortable. I will give the man grace because when I uncmortably asked him to move back to where he should be, he did and apologized. So he got his donuts and left.

The second one happened in the department I loathe. Its like 9:30 and me and the DPM are frying chicken for order. Each being 150-200 pieces, meaning walk in customers wont get any till way afterwards. Most are pretty understanding about this and will wait or move the fuck on, but not this customer. Old guy walks in ask for chicken. I tell him we dont have any for walk ins. He tells me he called yesterday and was told chicken would be ready. I apologize and tell him our orders come first. He then tries to tell me that he has a family reunion 100 miles away and he really needs this. I tell him i will swe what I can do and go back to tell the DPM. The dpm goes uo to him, repeats what i said and the guy throws a fit. Starts asking what other excuses qre we going tk give and that it wouldnt happen with the other manager(The store had a leadership change recently). The DPM made a face and I knew what was about to happen. The DPM cooly told him that he would have to wait. Orders came first. The man then told us propmtly told her he would take his buisness else where and both of us were like IDGAF. You want your chicken you shpuld have ordered it.

[kf14wxbw-blog]

How much does your insurance go up after getting a underage?

How much does your insurance go up after getting a underage?

does anyone know how much the rates will go up? I didn t have my license when i received the underage and i still don t. I ve never drove a vehicle. i don t have my license yet and im most likely not going to because my parents have told me the car insurance goes up now. I ve looked online and it says that rates can double or triple. thank you for your answers.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :car4insurance.xyz

SOURCES:

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[unknowngirl199424-blog]

Pt. 3

Now being the pretty innocent girl i was. I smoked weed very occasionally. Drank every now and then. But that was it really. I smoked cigs. Stupid choice i made at an even more stupid young age. I was 13 when i tried it. 15 when i started smoking every day. (My parents knew, they didn't care) my younger sister had been smoking for years. She partied a lot. Drank a lot. Smoked a lot. Took a lot of pills. Would steal my moms pain pills that she needed from the back surgeries. Mom would run out at the end of the month and would bawl... Literally wail in pain. And it never stopped my sister. I caught her several times. Id get pissed. Ask her wtf she was doing, or why... But she never stopped. I never told... I was drowning in depression. It started when i was 13. After my grandma passed. I changed... She was my world.

My parents partied ALOT!

Used LOTS of drugs...

Ranging from just weed, to coke, to meth...

The first half of my life... From birth till... 14? I think was when they quit all the hard shit for good. They were just... Mom and dad. I mean i loved them, i respected them, but... I didn't have anything to compare it to. It was normal for me to walk in and see light bulbs just randomly on the coffee table.

It was normal for me to wake my sis up in the morning, helping her get dressed, teeth brushed, food in her belly and out the door waiting on the bus. Every day. We lived in the country about 20 miles from town where our friends were. So all we had was each other. In the summer as soon as the sun started to show, 7:00ish. My parents would rush into our room. One would wake up me while the other would wake my sister. Rush us up and to get dressed and outside. We'd be outside alllllllllll day long in the summer in Oklahoma heat. They'd have friends over and lock the doors. We played. Sometimes the friends would bring their kids and we'd run around and play all day. I was a tom boy. I had scarred bloody knees almost daily from wrecking my bike. Would just walk around the property we lived on. Played with our dogs. Pissed off snakes that liked to live in the barn or chicken coop. I ran a lot. BUT IT WAS NORMAL TO ME. They started to quit when i was 12. Then grandma passed. They started again. Didn't stop for good until mom was hurt and dad was fired for pissing dirty for weed, coke, and meth. He was rehired 6 months later. But shit was rough at the time. So after losing my grandma. I went into myself. She loved me, took care of me. Gave me what i wanted and needed. I basically broke. I was never really an over joyous kid. I was raped and molested by my cousin. And so i always carried pain. But grandma was who made me happy. She passed. And from that point in my life from 13 to 18. I cut a lot. I was emotionless most days. But some days I'd break and cry for hours. For the longest time i thought i was depressed because of grandma. But i realized... Depression is a disease. And once you get a good dose of it, it stays. It twists and folds and wiggles its way into every fibre of your being and clings. And bad things that go on add to it and over time, you are eye level deep terrified you're gonna go under soon and no one will notice. Well over the years shit was added. Once I realised i could.... Not feel the pain and sadness... I latched on. Over time the occasional smoking weed went to every day several times a day. Drinking came up for awhile but i hated feeling like shit the next day so i quit. My ex gave me a pain pill one day.

I realised that not only could i get away from the pain and depression, i could feel fucking amazing while doing so. So it started out ya know. Once a week. Just one. To 2 a week to 4 a week to at least 1 every day. When we went up north. Pills were every where. Drugs in general. And i wanted to experience things. We had fun. Went lots of places. Did lots of things. Parties, festivals, fairs, amusement parks, museums, art museums, craft fairs, art stores, book stores, malls, movie theaters.. Just... it was great. I met her friends. They were like her. We partied a lot. I was soley living in the moment for once instead of striving to please everyone else. It was a stupid choice. But it was my choice. Over the years. The fun with it stopped... it became a nessecity. She got shitty and mean sober and i was just as miserable. I wanted happiness not that. Her dad would give us pain pills every day and muscle relaxers. If we did literally anything for him he'd pay us in pills. My ex was also prescribed pain pills too! We'd go through them so quick and then he'd give them to us so we didn't go through withdrawal. By year 3 (2015) I'm 21. I'm working a few months here a few months there. Living the same daily cycle. My day didn't start until pills were thrown down my throat. The habit got bad. I was to a point i was taking fucking handfulls of pills. Daily. And didn't feel ok until then. The few days i didn't have them, i literally slept all day and all night. I was burying my issues with a dark coping mechanism.

I started falling out of love. I left her once last year and we got back together the next day. I told her she couldn't keep stopping me from leaving because it was making me hate her. She wouldnt let go. We stayed together for 4 months. I broke up with her and moved back to oklahoma the beginning of this year. But she was my comfort. Pills were my comfort. After being here for 4 months i let her come back. It was bad. I got back into pills again and one day i told her i didn't want to be with her anyone. She was here for a month at that point. But she wasn't trying to work. She wouldn't do anything. But look for pills. I told her i was done. She gave me some pills. I didn't know what they were but she told me they were for anxiety. And i was really upset. So i took them. We kept arguing. She kept giving me more. My parents stopped by to drop something off, i guess i was wayyyyy out of it. They leave. The fight blows up. I tell her i want her gone. She kept refusing. Idk what happened. It was like a light switch went off. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife and sliced my wrist up for the first time ever... I only cut my stomach and thighs as a teen. She came around the corner and saw what i was doing and broke a glass vase i had. She ran over and grabbed the blade. Started yanking it from me. I guess we fought over it pretty hard cuz all i remember was it flying across the room and when i got back 6 days later it was soooo bent up.

She kept going and going and i grabbed a piece of glass and cut, she got it away and i just collapsed to the floor. She tried hugging me. I screamed at her for being toxic for me. To not touch me. To just call my mom. My mom shows up. Its like 11:30 at night at this point and she freaks out. My ex starts shit with her. They argue. I scream at them that they needed to stop and mom took me to the er. I guess by that point i was in and out of consciousness. One thing i do remember was seeing an old teacher that i had from yearrrrs ago when i went to a vocational school to become a certified nurse aid. I really looked up to her at 17. Admired her. She was a Dr there in the er. It was humialting. I cried. I guess i pissed in a cup for em or something. I don't remember. But they told my mom (which i didn't find out till almost a week later) that i was overdosing. That all of what i took hadn't caught up and that's why i was talking really crazy and blacking out. I don't remember. But the next morning i wake up. There was a cop sitting next to my bed. 20 mins later im being handcuffed and put in a cruiser and drove over a hr to a phych place. Guess the dr asked me the night before what would happen if i went home and i said i didn't know. So they legally put me there for 5 days so i couldn't be any harm to myself.

5 good things about being put there.

1. I had no access to pills, alcohol, even cigarettes. So i was very very clear headed. The first time in almost 6 years. Had time to think about where tf my life has landed me.

2. I realized how fucking truly bad our relationship was. And came to the conclusion that if we stayed together. One, if not both of us was gonna end up in a casket. Whether it be from pills or not. It was gonna happen.

3. I realized that i deserved wayyyy better. Relationship wise. Life wise. I deserved someone who could push me in the healthy direction. Make positive choices. I felt like instead of maturing, i was still trapped in an 18 yr olds mentality.

4. I ended it. And that time i meant it. There's nothing she could offer me. That would make me go back. Not a million dollars, not a billion, not even all the stars in the sky. I have nothing for her.

5. I met someone who treats me amazing now. Who pushes me. Keeps me away from the shit. I've been pain pill free for 5 months and its staying that way.

And for once... I'm starting to actually feel happy. Genuinely. I was prescribed anti depressants, anti anxiety, and a sleep disorder med. I stopped taking the anti depressants because they made it worse. But im to the point where the good days finally out weigh the bad. And when the bad come, i roll with it.

For the new year. I have a few goals.

1. Continue all the hard work ive put into myself. Keep eating healthy. Keep exercising. Keep pushing myself forward. No more settling for less what what i truly want.

2. Stay tf away from pain pills. 👍 keep fighting that demon in me who whispers how good I would feel or how one wouldn't hurt...

3. Quit smoking cigs. They're killing me. My lungs hurt all the time.

4. Continue bettering my life. I got away from her for 4 months and i had my own home, vehicle, and a high paying easy job. Brought her back for a month, had a suicidal moment. But she's gone and im in a great relationship. And I'm fucking HAPPY!

5. Quit being so fucking hard on myself. I hate the way i look, i hate my body. But they can be changed. Stress over things that need it but relax more. I'm 24. I still have time.

I STILL HAVE FUCKIN TIME

[jasper-quinn]

Interview with The Hound

1. What is your name?

“Jasper Quinn, got anythin’ more interestin’ ta ask me?”

2. What is your real name?

“I jus’ fuckin’ told ya. Jasper. Though, I suppose some folk like ta call me Jay, er Jas, er Red. Take yer pick.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“Couldn’t much give you a reason as ta why I was named Jasper, but most folk jus’ shorten my name, or call me ‘Red’ on account of my red ‘air.“

4. Are you single or taken?

“As much as I’d like ta make some cheeky remark, I’m pretty ‘appily in love wit ol Foxy.” ( @flying-fox-of-westfall) 

5. Have any abilities or powers?

"Nah. Jus’ a simple sailor, an’ someone who works wit his ‘ands.” There’s a grin on his lips though, and mischief in his eyes. It’s not hard to tell he’s lying, but getting a straight answer is another tale entirely. 

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

”I fucked a girl named Mary Sue once. Out in Westfall. Farmers daughter an’ all that shit. Horrible in tha sack, an’ used too much teeth.” 7. What’s your eye color?

“Figurin’ green, ‘least that’s what Foxy tells me.”

8. How about your hair color?

“They don’t call me ‘Red’ fer shit’s n giggles.”

9. Have you any family members?

“Didn’t think I did fer a long ass time, but turns out I got a sister. Names Victoria, but I like ta call ‘er V jus’ cause it bugs ‘er.” His grin is just shit eating. “An’ her Wolfy is a part o’ tha family now, an’ so is Foxy. So. Guessin’ you could say we got a rag tag group of misfits.” 

10. Oh? What about pets?

“Ol’ Giz is mine. Swiped him off tha cobbles stones when he was thin as a pole, an eatin’ ravens ta get by. Covered in mange, an’ other wise yer typical alley cat. Didn’t like folk much, but once ‘e realized I was feedin’, an’ housin’ ‘im, he came ‘round pretty quick.” A pause as he sipped his whiskey. “Ol’ Foxy ‘as Rua, an’ I swear I’d always thought foxes were jus’ outside critters, but damn is Rua jus’ sweet as pie. Little shit head though.” 

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“Don’t like a shit load of stuff, ya gotta be more specific than that.” Upon further questioning, he shrugs a shoulder absently. “I absolutely ‘ate those assholes who sit outside tha Cathedral an’ try n’ tell me I’m goin’ straight to the Fel ifin’ I don’t praise tha Light.” He rolls his eyes. “While I ain’t sayin’ tha Fel is a nice place ta be, I’d rather be down there wit’ tha other assholes like me who drink, n fight, n swear than up there with all them goodie goodie paladin’s.” 

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“Eh, a little a’ this an’ a little a’ that.” He sips his whiskey. “Usually I’m off strummin’ a guitar, or gettin’ inta general mischief ifin’ someone leaves me alone long enough ta find it.” A chuckle. “Though, I’ve been itchin’ ta pick up either tha fiddle, er tha banjo. Foxy say’s the Fiddle is more dignified, but I’d never much thought myself dignified.” 

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“Buncha times.”

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“Least not someone who didn’t deserve it.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“Well shit that’s an odd question, but I’m supposin’ most folk call me ‘The Hound’ ‘cause I got a nose fer things. Don’t really know what that means, but I ain’t complaining. Could be worse.”

16. Name your worst habits.

“Other than bar fightin’ and drinkin’? Prolly smokin’.“

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

"’Onestly? I look up ta V. She’s always cool, an’ calm, an’ collected, even when shit’s hittin’ tha fan. I’ve always admired tha ‘bout her. She ain’t got my temper. Well, actually, she sorta does, but usually that’s only fer when I’ve really pushed ‘er.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

Silence as deep as the grave follows this question.

19. Do you go to school?

“Nope. Well, sorta. I got whatever bullshit education the City offers poor Orphans, but that was mostly jus’ readin’, an writin’ an’ basic math. Ain’t much else. Never ‘ad any kinda opportunities ta join anythin’ more prestigious. So, sorta just picked everything up on my own, an’ I’ve done alright so far.”

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Used ta think I’d never want any of that shit, but damn if Foxy ain’t been changin’ my mind lately.”  

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“Pffft. Nah. Just a buncha jaded ex husbands, an’ a few current ones, who want my skin fer fuckin’ their wives better than they ever did.”

22. What are you most afraid of?

"Dogs. An’ a few other things I ain’t much wantin’ ta share.”

23. What do you usually wear?

"ifin’ it’s comfortable, an’ I can work in it? I’m wearin’ it.”

24. Do you love someone?

“I love Foxy with all my damn heart.”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

“That’s actually a funny story.” He starts with a chuckle. “There I was, so piss ass drunk, I could ‘ardly walk, an’ after a good fight, an’ another good fuck, I fell asleep in some broad’s bed. I was fuckin’ tanked I fuckin’ pissed myself right there in ‘er bed. Didn’t even wake up, er nothin’. I jus’ remember ‘er screamin’ an throwin’ me outta the house, wit’out no explanation, till the wind picked up, an’ I found my balls freezin’ right off me.” A shrug. “That was a fun night, I think. Don’t remember much of it though.” 

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“You plannin’ on gettin’ me so fuckin’ tanked I piss myself again?”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

"Ain’t never been a part of a class, but I’d be guessin’ workin’ class, as I ‘ave a steady job, an’ a life worth livin’.”

28. How many friends do you have?

"Couple close one’s, an’ lotsa contacts, but I wouldn’t be callin’ all of ‘em friends. That’s a term only reserved fer folk I trust.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

"V says’ Ma used ta make a bitchin’ apple pie, an’ I’d be lyin’ ifin’ I said I didn’t wanna try it one day.”

30. Favorite drink?

“Whiskey!”

31. What’s your favorite place?

“Drivin’ on an open road wit Foxy an’ tha bike. Jus’ goin’ wherever we wanna go. That’s my favorite.”

32. Are you interested in someone?

“Good ol’ Claire Donnovan.”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“I once ‘eard a gentleman don’t kiss n tell, which, I don’t really know what that means, but I’m guessin’ it means no cock talk. So. Figure it out fer yerself.”

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“I’m a good swimmer, so of’n I find myself doin’ overboard duty. Don’t mean I like the sea though. Folk drown all tha time, an’ I don’t much wanna join ‘em.”

35. What’s your type?

“Lean, mean, fightin’ machine. Who also ‘as legs tha go on fer miles.”

36. Any fetishes?

“You’d ‘ave ta get me in bed ta figure that one out. Or jus’ ask Foxy. But make sure ya get a buncha gin in ‘er, or else she won’t be talkin’. She’s a gin fiend, that one, an’ usually slips up ifin’ her tongue is loose e‘nuff.”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

He chuckles lightly, and shrugs a shoulder with an innocent look on his face. “Again, you’d ‘ave ta be askin’ Foxy.”

38. Camping or indoors?

"Campin’! Jus’ nice ta get away from tha city, ya know?”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Some of tha questions are sorta odd, but, I ain’t bitchin’---”

40. Now it’s over! Tag 3 people I will tag as many as I want.

Tagged by: @drustvar-dragonfly

Tagging: @flying-fox-of-westfall @eilitheduskbringer @kurel-andiel

and anyone else who wants to do this! 

[sunflowerplusapeach]

𝓂𝓎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐀𝐊𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒

✰hi everyone! i’m not the very type of person who’s good at storytelling but i’ll try my best to share my very first concert experience in my life. i’m figuring out many armys are gonna attend bts’ future concerts or curious about it so i’ll let you know about mine in this thread.

(𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒐𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆)

BUYING TICKETS

each venue has different official ticket distributors. for example, the concert for staples center LA has AXS as their official ticket distributor, meanwhile oracle arena has ticketmaster. ITS ALWAYS JUST THE TWO: AXS and Ticketmaster. tbh i really don’t know whats better at first since i’ve never bought one. many armys prefer ticketmaster and vice versa but let me tell you!! before the ticket selling for oracle arena, I tried practicing buying tickets for the LA concert dates thru AXS and actually got sumn! i think it was a p3 seat that costs only like $120 with tax but i didn’t got it cause i’m from north cali and LA is too far for me so i really did set my mind on the oakland concert only and let me tell you sis, that was a dumb move!! the date for the ticket selling for oakland came and i didn’t snag any ticket from ticketmaster and i was actually pissed. but i’ve had plan B and that is to buy from stubhub. yes, stubhub which is another ticket reseller but sells ticket at an expensive price. when the sold out sign went out for oakland i quickly went to stubhub and got a p6 ticket with a price thats 4x more expensive than the original price (which is only $60) and i lowkey cried cause i didn’t got p1 (which is my planned seat) but actually thankful cause i’m still gonna see them anyways but just far away. there’s many tutorials about buying tickets made by armys on yt and tbh i didn’t follow any of them lmao. i guess its just bad luck to me that day. it’s really chaos during ticket selling so stay strong and be patient with the process. some armys on twitter are selling tickets but of course it would be better if you could buy on your own with the official price and not the overpriced ones. there’s also lot of scammers during ticket selling period cause they know some fans are desperate and those are the type of peeps you wanna be careful with.

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE CONCERT

finally its tomorrow!!! i was kinda nervous and excited at the same time but kinda relieved cause i had a friend (shoutout to jaja 💜 ) whos going with me too. we only just met at twitter and its gonna be our first meeting too on the day of the concert lmao. i didn’t mind going with her cause its her first time also so i have someone with me who is on the same boat as I am. it would be nice if you had a friend/s with you whos going also. if not, its alright.

on the night i did some beauty preparations. of course i wanna look stress-free on the concert day lol. i did prepare the bag that i’m gonna use (which was a drawstring bag) and some essentials. i was gonna prepare on the morning on the concert day cause i don’t wanna be stressed yet. make sure you know the venue map (bighit posts it at twitter the day before the concert) so you can know where will be the merchandise line will be located, where to buy the lightstick, and the photo booths and stuff. plan ahead the merchs you’re gonna buy tomorrow and have extra money in case. planning really helps. plan merchs that you want in case the merch you want got sold out.

memorize fanchants if you can. tbh i didn’t memorized all the fanchants and i’m a little guilty lol. it would be really appreciated on the concert day i promise you.

have a good sleep and relax. excitements gonna keep you awake but if you can’t sleep try taking sleeping pills. it works for me when i can’t sleep the night when i’m super excited on the next day event lmao.

CONCERT DAY

this is it! the day i’m looking forward all my life lol. its such a good day to wake up to as I think that i’m gonna meet bts at night. i woke up at like 6:30 am cause i had to drop my brother at his school. i did some errands at the morning and didn’t have the opportunity to sleep again which made me worried cause its gonna be a busy day but i’m confident cause i got 8 hours of sleep at night. i got home at 9:30 and started preparing my stuffs.

WHATS IN MY BAG?

-powerbank

-concert ticket

-phone

-extra cash

-plastic water bottles (not the hard containers like hydroflask, they don’t allow it at the venue)

-wallet

-binoculars (an essential for me cause i’m gonna seat at the very back TT)

-army bomb ver.3 (i’m planning to pair it at the venue booth so i won’t have any problem in case i didn’t do the right steps to pair it for concert mode)

-gum

(this is all whats in my bag that day. i didn’t bring any banners but you can if you want but there’s a limit on the size. see the venue rules for the allowed banner dimensions)

OUTFIT

check the weather before wearing anything. if its very hot, wear light clothing and if its cold, wear appropriate clothes. it was 60 degrees that day so i just wore a pink sweatshirt and pants with pockets. i was originally planning to wear leggings cause it looks more better with the sweatshirt but i can’t tolerate bottoms without pockets LOL. so i just decided on simple pants. i thought about this outfit cause i wanna be comfortable as possible. i don’t recommend high heels but if you’re used to it why not but its not really recommendable. everybody wants to slay and there’s nothing wrong with that but make sure you’re also comfortable so you can really enjoy the show :) i did wore RJ headband to show support to jin and it really looks adorable! many armys complimented me about it when i arrived on the venue hehe

TRANSPORTATION

i just live near oakland (30-45 minutes away) so the transportation was pretty easy for me. i do have a driver’s license but my parents didn’t allowed me to drive to oakland cause they told me its not safe lol which is i kinda understand plus i don’t wanna worry about the parking. i went to oracle by uber and it was really pricey but it just depends on everyone. my parents didn’t have the opportunity to drop me off there cause they have work that day. i left the house at like 12:40pm and arrived at oracle after an hour. the traffic wasn’t that bad yet but i left home early cause i didn’t want to get stuck at the traffic plus i’m still gonna line up for the merch.

MERCH LINE

i automatically lined up to the merch section as soon as the uber driver dropped me off at the gate lmao. the line was long when i arrived but to my relief its moving fast. if i mean fast, i’m not kidding. kudos to the bts crew and staffs. before you line up a staff is gonna give you a paper, more like a merch list where you will check up the merch you want along with the quantity (theres a limit quantity on each item). i think its a really good idea so that the line wouldn’t take too long. once its your turn you’re gonna give the paper to them and they would bring the item and calculate the price overall. i think my overall transaction was less than a minute. it was really fast but many of the items i want are sold out already :( but its alright, still thankful i got some.

ps, DON’T FORGET TO BRING A PEN

also shoutout to kathy! 💜  i met her on the merch line. it was awkward at first but she was really friendly. she told me she was going to the concert alone cause her friends didn’t got a ticket which is kinda sad cause who tf wants to go alone to the concert right? plus she was wearing a mang headband while im wearing rj so our combination looks really cute 💜 too bad we don’t have a photo together but i got her twitter username. were still communicating till today which is kind of adorable hehe~

here’s the merchs that i was able to buy:

(official slogan, mini photocard set and ip7 phone case)

HOURS BEFORE THE CONCERT

after buying merchs, me and my friend Jaja got to meet for the first time! it was crazy finding each other but it was really fun haha. here’s our photo together when we met:

after meeting we went straight to the army bomb pairing booth and got our army bomb ready for the concert which took less than 5 minutes. the staff who paired ours was very friendly (she was korean).

after that that’s the time when we were both curious on where to go. we decided to line up to the bts studio but backed out cause it took long plus were kinda worried where we will eat for dinner.

we tried asking some security guards on which was the nearest fastfood place that we can walk over but he was rude. really rude lmao. that’s what i also noticed on the guard gates on oracle, they were all hella rude. and since the guard’s answer was useless all i did was just to google map instead and found panda express and in-n-out as the nearest fastfood on the venue but we need to ride on uber cause its not really safe to walk around oakland. we got uber and arrived and ate at in-n-out. thanks jaja for treating me <3

we just told each other our stories and got to know each other. we also talked how we found out about bts and became an army and stuffs like that. i’m really glad i met her cause her life is very similar to mine so we both can relate to each other’s stories.

before 5 pm we went back to oracle again, rode uber and arrived safe. after that we went to the north entrance wherein all entrances will open at 5:30pm. it was a smart move that we went there early so we can just chill and won’t have to worry about the time.

BAG INSPECTION and SCANNING OF TICKETS

the line became long after 3 minutes when we arrived in the line. the line was fast enough. my 2 sealed bottled water got confiscated TT but everything went on smoothly. we went straight to another line again which is the last line for the ticket scanning and that’s where it really hit me that i’m gonna see BTS!!! i started taking photos and my heart was really beating so fast. when the venue was letting people in the line was fast too. after that me and jaja got in, we both screamed and jumped together. she was almost crying and i was just there still silent at the fact that it really is the day that i’m gonna see my inspirations hours later.

after we came inside we went straight to the food section and bought water bottles which costs $7 per bottle lmao. always prepare for expensive stuff inside the arena cause i’m not joking, it really is expensive. we had our bathroom breaks and went to our seats!! jaja and i had different seats so we separated our ways and went to our sections. her ticket was on the left side of the arena while i’m on the right side.

it was easy finding my seat plus there’s gonna be a banner on each seat so be careful not to touch those cause i accidentally brushed through a seat and the banner dropped and almost got lost (clumsy me) but good thing i found it and returned it. the armys inside the arena wasn’t full yet when i got to my seat. here’s the view while i was waiting:

the vcr was playing some bts music videos on repeat. its in your preference if you would sing along or do the fanchants but i stayed quiet while waiting cause i was reserving my voice for the real show later. i charged my phone with my power bank to make sure my phone will stay good while recording some videos. it was really fun and you can feel the excitement in the air. my seatmate was kinda cool but i didn’t talk to her that much (sorry i’m awkward hahaha)

the show was getting nearer and nearer and the crowd started to get louder too. when 8:00 pm hit the clock everyone was hfskjdhfskjdfhsjbfkjsdgfdskbnglksfgbksjgns including me! the last mv that showed before the show was DNA and everyone sang. when the lights went out, we all went MBDJSGDKJHFJSGFKJHGFSJFDGHAJKFGSHFGKSJ

THE SHOW

this is the part i’m not gonna explain that much LOL. i had my army bomb ready, my binocular on my neck, my phone on my other hand and my voice on full volume to cheer my babies. when idol came i thought i was gonna have a heart attack LMAO. i quickly grabbed my binocular and damn they don’t look real. they’re too perfect to look real OJO angels indeed.

be careful of your neighbors when your cheering, you might not notice your hitting them. as namjoon say, be mindful of your neighbors so everyone can enjoy the show :)

also, stay hydrated! i drink water from time to time so my throat wouldn’t be that dry.

some of my fancams: (shameless promo heh)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBdJOY1NfAvoakzAY3CnQmofro6O9x9ME

AFTER THE SHOW

i was a lil sad when the show ended but it was literally the best night of my life. i knew i had to deal with pcd (post concert depression) after but i just stayed happy throughout the night even after the show. jaja and i went out the stadium and got an uber ride. i was thankful cause even if its late they were still uber drivers around there.

HOME

when i got home my dad was waiting at the parking and he greeted me happily. he asked about my experience and the merchs i bought and i quickly told him about the overall experience. he told me he was happy cause i got to be really genuine happy for once in my life and i’m glad he supports me regarding my fangirling life. after i showed him the merchs and videos i went to my room and THAT’S WHEN I REALLY REALIZE ITS ALL OVER NOW TT. i got emotional but i didn’t really cry. i can’t cry cause i still have work the next day LMFAO i don’t want my eyes to be puffy af. work was ok the next day. i was a little blank but good thing it wasn’t that busy at work but i feel really tired.

OVERALL, the concert experience was truly amazing. words weren’t enough to describe how amazing it was. if only i can time travel i would repeat it without a doubt but of course, life must go on. the only thing that sucks is that you have to deal with PCD but i believe everyone will carry on. i hope every army will get to experience bts concerts atleast once cause believe me sis, its really an amazing experience and you only live once~

[mattyslittleworld]

love doesn't mean it'll last

I went for a walk a few hours ago to listen to some music. I got caught in a thunder storm, hiding like Tom Hanks with a volley ball, under some hangover at a school near my crib. I had to sit there for mad long. A cop drove behind it and asked if I had a warrant, wanted my name and address and all this shit I was like you’re bugging. Then drove away without giving me a ride back home like a typical trash middletown cop. But I was forced to sit down and listen to music and relax, it was actually amazing. I listened to The National’s new record Sleep Well Beast. I listened to City and Colour’s new live album. Ben Howard records. Owen’s cover of American Footballs “Never Meant”. I know from my IG and the public perception im very heavily into Hip Hop and shit but I don’t think anything can touch my heart soul and interest level like these records and artists do. Indie / Folk music really cuts deep. Some of my favorite bands are Thursday, Death Cab For Cutie, The Postal Service, Bright Eyes, Elliot Smith, Dylan, all that shit. I came up on that shit. Bands like Mae, or even Metalcore that crossed over into clean jazz parts like Misery Signals and 7 angels 7 plagues. Their piano ballad jhazmynes lullaby changed my life and I got that name tattooed on the tops of my wrists. I think that was the first time I realized you can be into hardcore, create hardcore, have the stereotypical lifestyle and look, but still be emotional. They’d go from the heaviest breakdowns right into clean pedals delay and beautiful soundscapes that you could really get lost in on a night like tonight stranded out to sea. 2 nights ago Albee played his first show back in New Jersey since the D.A. unbanned him. It was crazy. I pulled up solo and met up with them and it was crazy to see how many people fuck with that dudes movement. It was also crazy to see how famous and embraced Fetty Wap is. He was mad cool. Anyone who’s family to Belv is family to me. The crowd freaked the fuck out when he came on stage it was so sick. There was like 50 of us on stage it was such a good time and im glad I went. Makes me so stoked on all the work me and Belv have been putting in. We both got albums on deck for 4th quarter 2018, first quarter 2019. The new Mozzy came out and im sitting here just vibed out listening to the song “Blackhearted”. The beats this dude picks are so beautiful. Like piano ballad beats with soul samples, he seems very intelligent because these bars are insane. Tonight I met up with Jeff because he have this weird tradition of just going to as many shows as possible. We saw Brian Fallon again at Count Basie in Red Bank. First off - ive been working so hard lately that ive been feeling extremely extremely extremely alone. I don’t hangout with anybody 1 on 1 these days, I don’t really go out side. I literally don’t even have a social group. I travel everywhere alone, and I just in general move by myself. Im at a point now where some people have tried some fuck shit to get to some of the people ive been working with. Before this I was so busy recording so any social time to myself and “friends” was basically engineers, collaborations, and music related. The whole “go to the movies” type of social life or any normal shit has just kinda been erased from my life. Sometimes when Im out, in passing, ill see a group of like 5 or 6 kids just laughing passing me. Bonding in the simplest way and it makes me choke up. I love it. I haven’t felt that in mad long but when I think back on when I did have that - in the back of my head all I wanted to do was get a shot at music. So now that I have that shot I have to bite down. Im foaming at the mouth for this shit. Anyway tonight with Jeff was the first in awhile where I put shit aside and hung out and caught a show outside of some business shit. I appreciate that dude probably more than he realizes. He saw something in me, a fight, a fire, and linked me with Jesse - who literally spun my life in a 180. Brian is probably one of my favorite songwriters these days. I know thats a cliche thing to say but I really was there from the jump, like Myspace days. Ive met him a few times and he has a tattoo of a band I Sang for and we chopped it up and he was a really nice dude. After his show there was an immediate standing ovation. Im talking like within a second the entire sold out count Basie theater jumped to their feet and roared. It literally scared him. The look in his eyes was so unreal. I could see him thinking “how did I get here?” For kids like us its a dream to play that room. I cant imagine 10 years from now being blessed enough to sell that bitch out with a standing ovation. Within that moment I can tell he went right back to being a kid walking past that shit with “one day” eyes. I really had a good time tonight though. It was so nice to get out. After I caught up with my boy Joe who booked the show and runs The Basie. The shit he was saying to me put me on cloud 9. So encouraging. He mentioned my work all across the boards, in all genres and told me to keep going. Its hard sometimes to hold the faith but times like this when a dude who used to book your hardcore band and is now booking these crazy concerts says keep going for said reasons….damn man. Makes me wonder. Its 4:30 am and I had food and watched Ebro / Genuis interviews and passed out so im probably up for the day. This Mozzy record really is amazing. Now that im getting older im finding myself wanting to settle down with a girl and spend more time with my family and hers. That aspect of my life is creeping up. Ive never felt that. Every relationship ive ever been in was shit and stagnant with people who switched up. Ive never felt true bond. True companionship. True love. True strength. True ride or die I got you till the end marriage type shit. My hearts been empty for so long. My hearts been closed. But tonight I walked from Starbucks in red bank to the Basie, with a cup of coffee, felt the breeze of October…..and I just felt my heart being open again. Its still empty, but at least its open and I felt warm and excited for one day hopefully having the opportunity to meeting somebody that will let me make them coffee. I know that I have met her. Ive known her for about 10 years. I feel her deep in my soul….but sometimes love aint enough so ive been faced with the crossroads and I had to move forward. Hopefully one day it’ll pan out because my fists are bloody from fighting. You know who you are. I know you’re reading this. Im looking forward to halloween, and the holidays and the cold weather. Spending time by the fire, having good coffee, with good people that ive neglected over the past couple years due to tour and life and me being a dumb kid. I feel the energy shifting. I feel the industry shifting. I feel them watching. I feel her, I think of her everyday, I hope she thinks of me. -1-

Mozzy - Black Hearted