#ten solid minutes before he’s like ok im don’t being excited

[beannary]

Ok so I was at work today and before I left my mom was like hey we’ll visit you at work today what time do you finish etc etc and she was like ok I’ll text you when we’re on our way and so I go the whole day being like I am waiting for a text from my mother saying that she my dad and my grandma are on their way to the museum and then it gets to the end of my shift and I have received no text so I’m like ok they clearly aren’t coming otherwise they would have let me know so I clock out and leave and ten minutes after my shift ended my mom calls me and is like hey where are you and I’m like hello??? I finished work??? I’m walking back to the car??? And she’s like ok well we are here and I’m like 🧍‍♂️ ok so I walk back to the museum and I get there and she’s like hey now we can go see the galleries together and I’m like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ girlie last call happened ten minutes ago we cannot go see the galleries because the museum is fully closing in 30 minutes and she’s like oh I didn’t know that and I’m like yeah you should have looked it up?? Or like asked me??? Or like come when I was working my shift because then you can like guarantee that everything is open

Anyways I’m just annoyed and it’s not even that much of an annoying thing I’m just extra annoyed because I’ve had an awful headache all day and I had to do twenty minutes of extra walking around with my parents and my grandma after work when I should have been driving home and listening to a podcast

[cafephan]

dan and phil play golf with friends #2: a summary

DanandPhilGames caddy lads "you loved it, you were like yes the golf lifestyle, i'm wearing expensive polo shirts i'm sipping an overpriced drink, im nattering with the business fellows and hitting that ball" says dan whilst well in the knowledge most of us are shut away in our bedrooms in our pyjamas with not a penny to our name and sipping on tap water "so we're here in the dan and phil golf club and there is a certain dress code, dan" i like to take this as phil foreshadowing the beautiful fashion choices dan is making during this singapore trip even though he clearly isn't foreshadowing anything moment of appreciation for the singapore trip's outfit choices tho please moment over thirty three seconds in we get the first fond glance, hopefully the first of many "the only short sleeved short i have is creased, phil" the look that he's giving phil reeaaalllyyy makes me wonder how it got creased... "i don't care, just go get it on" says phil the fashion meister helllooooo moth shirt my favourite my best friend my one true love "we had green shit in our hair for like three hours after we put these on" who needs context amirite "dan thought i threw these away but no i've been secretly hiding them" ok but how is that so domestic "look how erect my flag is today" / "list of things you should like never say again...." (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished the quote that the jumpcut edited out)) "you know the rules. we can only do one dan vs phil per game" is that a rule? have they said that before? okay sure let's roll with it they're playing for the burger socks from a few liveshows ago "i ordered this for a friend but they sent two" sure phil a company would clearly go out of their way to send two of the same product meaning they'd be out of profit,,, your friend definitely didn't just give them back to you "do i want to eat them or wear them?" i'm certain that this is not the first time that sentence has come out of dan's mouth "are you excited by that? do you want that? on your feet?" / "i so want the cheese on my foot." *jumpcut* *phil says literally one word and dan is already grinning at him* f o n d "this is something to watch like a sport, and enjoy like a sport" unless you're making a summary of this video meaning you have to rewind every two seconds thanks phil "lingering banter... just enjoy the time between jokes" *both giggle like the dorks they are* "you liked the last one, so strap yourselves in for some golf" "we need to customise our balls" can dan go one gaming vid without dragging tumblr like i go through all of this effort for you pls don't drag me you little curly haired shit "[about the colour of his ball] i would call that moonlight dolphin" dan has gone for plain white this time does this represent him emotionally who knows at the time of filming i like symbolism and connotations they're fun "oh my gosh, it's like... goodness has returned" phil why are you so cute "i'm calling our room dogs9000 today" / "very appropriate" first of all why is it appropriate second of all is that what they called their room on the tour bus "stop. they just do what they want. stop telling them what to do." / "i guess that's valid. i'm sorry, butterflies, you do you." "i'm like so oasis right now" "ancient egypt is my favourite historical period so i'd like to delve into there" i think i've found the next fic trend why are they using the chatroom when their chairs are literally touching and from the front angle it looks as if their hands are too "my pole is so tall you can't even see the flag" again my gut instinct is that it isn't the first time those words have come out of phil's mouth "... and other sentences that phil will never say again" (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished his quote for him again he should pay me for this)) "beginnu" / "golf it up" dan has more fluidity in his hand movements than phil does take what you will from that information "here we go" / "here we golf" tag urself "oh you're inside my ball again" / "we're already freaking out inside each other" *phil laughs a lot and grins then followed by a mysterious jumpcut* "bit too much power for danny there" dan is already being a sore loser but he can't help but be all smiley that phil is all smiley and jokey phil cheers him on still "if i can get it in now, it'll be okay" i've said it once and i'll say it again... definitely not the first time those words have been said by danny boy they clean up the whole two computer debacle "i'm deceived by the curves" joint vibing and dancing to the music "you're in africa the hole is in antarctica" mister geography "you absolute cheeky little twit" a new addition to the list of fond insults from dan to phil sore loser dan continues to thrive phil manages to screw up literally the easiest shot in the world??? i love you boy but oh how you suck at this game and now dan is smiling again what a sadistic lil tot "welcome to the land of pain and misery" thanks dan for my new bio dan's lovely lady gaga rendition gets cut short by a jumpcut wtf give me the good stuff i deserve it oh he finished the rendition what a pair of lungs on that kid *phil definitely says 'oh shit'* "i didn't swear then" yes you did just accept your potty mouth perfect opportunity to kick the old branding to the curb a girl can dream ok "oh you're going to be stuck for ten hours, phil, how is this going to go" "i can't even see myself... oh i went in" seriously how many times in one video can my gut instinct tell me dan's said these sentences before in his lifetime "the power of wobbling knocked me in" "that felt good to me" "my lovely philly lumps, check 'em out" what a beautiful rendition phil i would buy it on itunes / "...things you should never say again, volume twelve" cocky dan strikes again "you okay there?" / "i'm feeling very emotional about this" "par? more like cheat" / "that's par for the course" please stop talking over each other this summary takes long enough as it is without having to rewind ten times "oh we're the same now" / "now we're even" / "i was so happy with my lead" / "guess we're going to have to cut our feet in half" / "yeah..." *phils cute laugh* "that's obviously just saying go for it... but how much power?" / "smack it" i imagine this is phil's outlook on life six minutes fifty four seconds in... rip headphone users "we're gonna take like eleven goes at this" not if you both strikeout, my guy "this is so much harder than the last one" phil please don't make this too easy for me "please release us from this hell" i'd like to thank the universe for the occasional slivers of dan skin we see through the gaps in his shirt buttons "i'll happily sit here for three and a half hours now whilst phil gets it in" ... oh come on it's definitely not the first time he's said that sentence drinking game: take a shot every time they say 'yes' or 'yeah' that'll get you drink awfully quick "get out of my zone! stop touching me!" / "knock. knock." stop talking over each other please i beg of you "i'll touch you when i please..." okay dan you are aware of the camera pointing at you right phil's reaction is all of us at dan just saying that sentence "... don't say that again" (unless it's off camera to me) ((now i'm apparently finishing phil's sentences for him, he should pay me too)) "i'm so sorry for this whole video" ty dan cocky dan is here to stay, it seems like dan got so cocky that he fucked up i love life "that's what you get for being cocky!" i love phil "i'm out of strokes? that's how bad i was?" i don't know why my gut instinct is telling me phil's said that before but... anyway "you are now... eight over my score, phil." look at dans hands he's dying to do a mr burns impression and say excellent "that was a mystery adventure if i ever saw one" "*sigh* oh phil" "phil, phil, dear me" in all the videos of this game i've watched before nobody managed to make that pillar shot and yet dan does it on his first try...... sure okay "king of golf. yes." / "shush" phil made it too yay "guys if you're feeling like i'm just going to lose, i'm really going to try from now on" he looked at the camera like he meant it *dan looks over* "phil's gonna take this so seriously. no more bants, just solid golf seriousness" dan do you just stop listening to yourself when you talk "solid whacking" / "okay in the list of things that are serious, saying 'solid whacking', that's- that's not up there" *dan two seconds later* "so i'm just gonna whack it" "boom... slide... crack" i'm not even trying to analyse that "how would anakin do this" "i was using the force! did you see?" / *dan smiles fondly* "no i didn't" "if you whack me over the edge i'm going to bury you alive" "shit fucking wank fuck" "how did you get that wrong?" i'm still asking that question to phil about that other hole dan i feel you "that was sexual" / "that was the most erotic math based experience i've ever had" / "i liked that" "the skateboarding teenager inside me wants to go back and do this" / "could skateboarding teenage phil ever have skated around that?" / "he would have said that he could do it, but he would've fallen off... and hit his head" / "it's the trying that counts" "oh philly philly two whack" the game either wants phil to win and keeps sabotaging dan, dan wants phil to win and he keeps sabotaging himself, or dan is just that bad at the game he keeps fucking up i'd put my money on the latter "i want to have children with this course" first of all there will be fics of this and i will turn over in my grave, secondly poor janice :( "shitty fuck no i need to be in a straight line" "i wouldn't trust that with a barge pole" king of the english language "miss miss" phil being the ever supportive best friend "lara croft would... love this" "remember that you owe me two strokes" / *sassily* "no i don't" / "yeah you do, the game broke" / "that's-that's your fault" / *laughs* "no it's not!" this is literally the conversation that defines their friendship and it is beautiful "he's the one that's trolling me by stopping my ball" dan pls "i'm going in" / "do it, phil" you're just making it too damn easy for me "i would watch golf on tv if phil commentated it" dan you would watch anything that phil was even remotely involved with dan the sore loser back again dan is doing some kind of animal impression and if sounds as if it's a bird in heat or something "you wanna say that's not count (*literally dan wtf*) see the comments. they'll be- they'll be ju-thirsty for justice." not considering you drag us every chance you get you lil shit #teamphil also dan is tumbling over his words so much this video is he okay dan makes up a stupid penalty for phil to do because the game apparently hates him but in reality he just sucks, and phil goes along with it because he's phil how the hell did dan manage to jump over the high wall "i just left clicked and i bobbed.. i wasn't supposed to bob" "that's definitely not in- okay you did it" oooh one point difference "oh i didn't get some dinghy time then" "how ya doin? nice to see you there" "believe in the power" "you did a much more satisfying one than me" "your non-gender specific caddy gimp would need to be fanning you..." / "caddy gimp?" / "yeah" / "i'd just want them to put me on a camel, give me a pina colada, play golf for me... and i'd just be like this on my laptop" we all know phil loves his pina colada *wink wink* "... yeah that's the dream" well we know dan's opinion on pina colada don't we *wink wink* "leona lewis would hate you" shots fired "yes i did just cheat by looking at your bar" / "you can't look at my bar!" / "oh well i just did!" cocky dan back with his questionable sounds "he's thinking about how tasty your ball is right now" "yes sphinx daddy, let's go" "climbing inside the pyramid vagina" "you've got a mystical glow about you" "you're kind of ruining the vibe" "look how much you're illuminating the whole" dan the cocky sod literally looks like a child rn "i don't know what's happening but i'm excited by it" did phil just channel his inner chandler from friends bc that is all too similar to the chandler quote "tease it in" / "never say that again" "that deserves extra points that was incredible" proud bf phil "ooh toasty ball" they're helping each other along aw "i mean fuck the dan vs phil board... this is a prize worth playing for" *dan shakes the burger socks* the game broke so they restarted it and they now have the same score wooow "this is not how god wanted it but this is what's happening" phil says as he takes his two shot penalty "i don't think, erm, if god does exist, in any form, that He would give a shit about this game, phil" / "i think he would" dan gives phil a full rundown on his math-based plan "you copied my strats!" "let me just sniff these socks" / "ew" "are you more of a leftie or a rightie?" / "i'm gonna be... rightie as that is what i write with" rip all you leftie philgirls "how do you know? you don't know left and right" bloody hell dan calm down "it's a bridge to cleopatra's bedroom" *phil lands on the pyramid* "is he wearing any underwear?" "everyone who doesn't know math right now is just like... whirring with calculations right now" actually i'm just sat here typing this so screw you howell you don't know me "i'm just going to max power it over here" did anyone else think of the simpsons? when homer changes his name? anyone at all? okay then "that means i win!" phil shouts enthusiastically and claps his hands together phil continues to clap it ends as a draw!!!! "so does that mean we've gotta share the socks?" "i want the cheese- i want the lettuce" phil bless you "it'll be like those people that get like best friend necklaces that complete each other except for us it's burger socks." *modelling the socks* "look at those dank socks" "the best bit is when you went through the sphinx's mouth and when you went through the uterus" they'd be up for another vid yes please i need one!!!!!! n e e d!!! the twilight course would be next "now we're gonna pick the green stuff out of our hair... go on phil, groom me like a monkey" dan. "get that moss out" seriously. dan. danisnotsandy auterusphil (which of them did this) also phil pretended to eat whatever he just supposedly groomed from dans head okay eventful video.