#and when he's about to touch nol's hand

[youuuimeanmee]

I just watched Link Click S2's Opening, and...

It's so gorgeous?? And a banger??? EPIC

I can't help but wish I Love Yoo in the future could get an animation like this??

Like GOD 😫😫😫

[oblako]

the latest i love yoo episodes... i'm shaking oh my god

[drewsbuzzcut]

I really really wanna see a chaotic thanksgiving at the barzal’s. Like it’s baby Sloan’s first thanksgiving and she is the star of the show so AJ and Nolan pull some shenanigans to get the attention. I love love love the series and I hope you never end it!!!

Thanksgiving Shenanigans

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses fic

warnings: alcohol consumption, a curse word or two, and I think that’s all (ALSO THIS ISNT EDITED SORRY)

As you’re adding the finishing touches to your outfit, you hear a soft banging and hushed whispers as small footsteps bound up the stairs. Thinking it’s either Nadia or Liana, you dismiss it.

“Look at Miss Sloane, isn’t she beautiful? Just like her mommy,” Mat comes up behind you, Sloane in one arm as his other wraps around you, right under your boobs.

You lean into his chest, turning your head to see Sloane’s beautiful face. She’s dressed in a maroon and cream plaid dress, paired with dark tights and a white, furry vest.

“Oh my goodness! She is so very beautiful. The most gorgeous princess I’ve ever seen,” you coo, gliding your thumb over her cheek.

She coos back, her face scrunching up in delight and you instantly melt. She looks so much like Mat and you love it.

“Mommy!” When you and Mat turn at the sound of Nolan’s voice, both of your eyes widen in shock.

Nolan is standing at the entrance of your walk-in closet, barely holding AJ in his arms with one of the decorations from the dining table clutched in his hands. He has a shy smile on his face while AJ looks anything but pleased with his brother carrying him.

“Oh shit,” Mat blurts out without thinking about all the little ears around him.

“Don’t say that,” you say, moving away from him to pull Angel out of Nolan’s arms.

You bend down so you’re eye level with your oldest.

“Nols, you cannot carry AJ. He’s too heavy for you,” you softly reprimanded.

He looks at you with a pout and part of you feels guilty, but you know you have to right his wrongs. He hands you the fake foliage from your table setup, almost as an apology. You accept it, but you also let him know that she shouldn’t take things from your table because he can get seriously hurt. You don’t even know how he got up to the table without falling off the chair, or doing something else to hurt himself.

“But it’s pretty like you. We wanted to give you a surprise,” he explains, his R’s sounding like W’s.

“And that’s very nice of you and your brother, but I don’t need you guys to get hurt, so please don’t do that anymore. I love you,” you kiss his cheek.

“Love you,” he whispers, his head down as he walks away.

-

“Y/n, she’s so gorgeous,” Sydney says as she holds Sloane, sitting next to you on the couch.

Some of Mat’s teammates and their families, as well as his parents and sister, are here to have a little thanksgiving celebration. It’s an early one being that they have a roadie the next day. Everyone has just finished eating, and are now relaxing in various spots in your house.

“Thank you! She’s my precious girl. I was so excited for today because I just knew her outfit was going to look so adorable on her,” you exclaim, cheeks starting to hurt from all the smiling.

Right behind the couch, there’s a plotting Nolan, sitting with his little brother right next to him.

“Angel, we’re gonna go ‘RAHHH’ to, Lo,” he whispers to AJ. Lo is what Nolan calls Sloane.

Angel, who doesn’t have a clue about what his big brother is saying, just giggles but it’s enough for Nolan.

You don’t hear what your oldest is saying, just the soft murmurs and Angel’s giggle.

“What’s going on, handsome. What are you and your brother doing?” You are totally unaware of what Nolan is about to do as you look behind the couch.

“Nothing, mommy. Love you,” he says with his cute smile, blowing you a kiss afterwards.

He waits for you to turn around before he drags AJ by his hands, getting him to crawl with him on the floor. They both jump up in front of Sloane and roar like dinosaurs. Well, Angel just copies Nolan’s actions. Sloane jumps in fear, her eyes growing teary and her lips wobbling.

You’re surprised because Nolan is usually really nice and relatively quiet, so you have no idea why he did what he did.

Sloane’s piercing cries startle Mat, so he quickly makes his way over. You’re already attempting to console her in your arms, but her cries don’t seem like they’re going to stop anytime soon.

“What happened?” Mat asks, sitting next to you and rubbing his baby’s back.

“Nolan just scared her and well we all know that AJ loves to copy his big brother,” you inform him.

Mat calls out for Nolan and AJ follows him as well.

“Why did you scare your sister?”

Nolan just stays quiet.

“That was very mean of you, and you know better. You better not do that again,” Mat says, holding onto Nolan in a hug while caressing Angel’s hair.

You sit there, watching them and wondering why Nolan chose today of all days to act mischievous. Although you're continuing to discipline him, you can’t deny that his little expressions of determination are cute. He gets this little furrow in between his eyebrows and his little tongue pokes out from between his lips. He’s exactly like Mat.

The next time you get up to refill your drink, you see a blur of two shirtless boys rush into the living room with Nolan’s mini sticks in hand. Nolan is shouting as AJ tries to be just as loud. You take a few gulps as you watch them in amusement. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Nolan so hyper. You don’t even know when Nolan took off his shirt; you literally just took him to use the restroom. You’re also assuming he took off Angel’s.

When the group of hockey players come back inside- including your husband -they join your sons and start playing together. Nolan starts going crazy, though. He crawls through one of your husband’s teammates legs and then starts climbing up Mat, initiating a fake wrestling match that slightly annoys you. When AJ starts trying to reenact his brother’s moves, you put a stop to their activities.

“Hey, Barzal!” You shout and both Mat and Nolan look at you.

“This isn’t the ice and it sure as heck isn’t the ring, so stop the roughhousing. I don’t need you guys to wake up Sloane,” you chastised.

Nolan wiggles his way back down, running off again with his hands raised in the air. As expected, AJ follows in his footsteps.

You smile, finishing the rest of your wine. You’re going to need it with how lively your sons are- especially because you’re in heels.

“They’re so cute,” Mat whispers in your ear when he pulls you into a hug.

“They’re so hyper today. What did you feed them this morning?” You playfully ask, smacking at his ass to get him to squirm.

“Stop,” he warns you but you continue.

“Your ass is so smack-able, though,” you giggle until he starts tickling you. Now you’re the one squirming.

“Get used to it, it’s only going to get crazier as they get older,” he says, wrapping his arms completely around you.

“I can’t wait,” you say and you mean it.

“As long as we’re a team, we’ll be just fine,” he kisses your lips and you’re reminded that everything is perfect.

It’s not even an hour later that you hear Nolan’s and AJ’s loud giggles and soft hushes. When you go to find them, you see them in the kitchen and they’re both covered in cranberry sauce. They freeze when they notice you staring at them, their little eyes widen in shock. As you’re about to speak Nolan runs off with Angel following right behind him. You throw your head back, silently laughing at their antics. Not wanting a mess all over your floors and furniture, you chase after them. However, they’re good at crawling and moving through small spaces, so you end up losing them.

“Barzy, your two little spawns ran away from me and they’re covered in cranberry sauce,” you say a little out of breath and clinging to Mat.

Mat stifles a laugh but joins you in your search. After your husband almost slips in the kitchen, thanks to the mess left on the floor, Nadia meets you in the foyer with both of the messy boys in her arms.

“I think these little Mats belong to you,” she laughs.

“You’re so right, they are little Mats. This is the most crazy I’ve seen them,” you say, accepting AJ while Mat grabs Nolan.

“Hey! I was a good kid,” your husband defends himself.

You and Nadia bust out in laughter.

“Shit!” Nolan says, a hesitant smile on his face, waiting to see everyone’s reaction.

“It!” Angel copies to his best ability.

Everyone’s eyes widen and you can tell they want to laugh but know they shouldn’t.

“Yeah, definitely Mat’s sons,” Nadia confirms and you agree.

Later that night after your babies are bathed and tucked in, you sit beside Nolan and card through his hair. He’s very calm now, a completely different kid compared to how crazy he was earlier.

“Nols, you were really… active today. What was going on?” You ask softly, kissing his forehead so he knows you’re not upset with him.

“Missed you,” he mutters, eyes turning sad.

“What do you mean, buddy? I’ve been here all day.”

“You were with Lo! And you held her the entire day,” he explains and suddenly it all makes sense. He was trying to get your attention, and now you feel bad because clearly you aren’t meeting his needs.

“I’m sorry, little man. It’s your sister’s first thanksgiving and it’s so special to me, so I got really excited to dress her up. I love you, Nolan. You’re my first baby and no matter what I will always love you. All you have to do is ask for me to hold you, or cuddle you and I will. Do you want kisses?” You soothe him, bringing his body into your arms.

He nods his head and you give him kisses all over his face until he’s laughing. His precious giggles make your chaotic thanksgiving worth it, and even though your boys were being rascals today, you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Those are memories that you will look back and laugh at.

a/n: This was very hard for me to write and idk if you can tell, but I hope y’all enjoy! Thanks to whoever requested this cute idea<333

[comphy-and-cozy]

yay finally caught you when your requests are open!! I still have so much to backread (🙈) but how about cheek kisses with nolan patrick? 🖤

anything for you sweet pea xo

I changed up the format for this a little bit, with a series of snippets instead of a full blurb! hope you enjoy 🤍

Prompt: Cheek kisses

Pairing: Nolan Patrick x Reader (f)

Word Count: 833

Warnings: Just absolutely disgusting fluff.

On a first date

The pink tinge of his cheeks as he drives through the snow is sweet, and you aren’t sure how much of it is from the cold or from nerves.

You were surprised when Nolan asked you out on a date, never thinking that the soft-spoken curmudgeon could ever have that kind of softness in his heart. What surprised you even more was the thoughtfulness he showed, planning a date that was surely out of his comfort zone — an arcade and mini-golf.

He wasn’t perfect, but truthfully, you found his quiet demeanor incredibly charming, and the more time that passed, the more he loosened up, cracking dry jokes and even poking fun at you when you sent your ball flying into the pond.

“I’ll walk you in,” he mumbles, and you have to hide your smile as you hop out of his car, the warmth from his body shielding you from the breeze.

The tell-tale anticipation sets in as you approach your front door, digging for your keys in your purse. This is it.

“I had a really nice time, Nolan,” you say, looking up at him through your lashes. The flush in his cheeks darkens as he shifts nervously on his feet.

“Me too,” is his quiet reply. Then, as if he’s mustering his courage, he leans forward to press a kiss against your cheek. It’s warm, though you can’t tell if it’s more from his lips or the heat in your own cheeks.

When you finally get inside, your cheek is still tingling from his kiss, and you can’t stop smiling. Maybe, you think, it’s just Nolan.

Holding the door open

“You look incredible,” he murmurs, heat radiating from his eyes as they scan over your body. It’s been two months since your first date, and though you’ve been on several since then, he seems to be just as captivated by you now as he was then.

“Thanks, Nol,” you smile. “You do too. As always.”

With a blush, Nolan helps you shrug your coat on before leading you out the door. Once you approach his car, he shuffles forward to open the door for you, and you smile at him, offering a kiss to his cheek as thanks.

Your heart floods with butterflies when you see the dopey smile on his face as he jogs around to the driver’s side, wings beating even more rapidly when his hand reaches over the center console to grab yours. For a quiet grumpy gills, he sure does love affection, always wanting to have some part of you touching some part of him.

When he presses his lips against the back of your hand, you think to yourself that you don’t mind it one bit.

Before bed

The warmth of your blanket is comforting, your boyfriend’s arm slipped over your shoulders even more so as he gently strokes circles onto your arm. The volume on the TV is turned down low, the play-by-play announcers talking softly as the camera pans over the players on the bench.

“Babe, go to bed,” Nolan says with a chuckle. “You’ve yawned like, three times in the last five minutes.”

“But I wanna see the end of the game,” you say sleepily. It’s not often he is home at night for you to fall asleep in his arms on the couch, so you don’t want to take the moment for granted, even if it’s something as simple as watching a hockey game.

“I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow,” he promises. “Now, go.”

It’s with another nudge that you finally heave yourself up out of the warmth of his arms, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Goodnight, Nols.”

“Night, baby.”

Playing video games

You’re on the couch, snuggled up in your blanket with Charlie in your lap when your phone buzzes on the table beside you. Sacrificing the warmth of your cocoon, you stick your arm out to grab it, surprised to see a text from Nolan.

[Nolan 💖:] can u refill my water bottle please

[Nolan 💖:] im in the middle of a game and I can’t leave or I’ll die

Rolling your eyes, you chuckle to yourself as you gently slip out from underneath Charlie’s head, doing your best to avoid disturbing him, though he looks up at you with curious eyes.

“Sorry, buddy, your dad is too busy gaming to get his own water,” you say apologetically.

Padding into the office where Nolan’s game system is set up, you sneak behind him to grab his Hydroflask off of his desk. He doesn’t even notice you, eyes focused on shooting his target, his headphones blocking out all sound.

When you return a few moments later with fresh water and fresh ice, you press a kiss to his cheek to let him know his water is waiting for him once he’s done. With the split second he has, he turns his head to peck your lips, murmuring a “Thank you.”

[guentzel]

“ is… that my shirt you’re wearing? ”  goldynado 👀🫢

you know the way directly into my heart

Nolan showered, did his postgame stretches, and even got through his postgame interviews without noticing a damn thing. Not even his mother, who was prone to comment about anything and everything he did, made a comment when she came down to drop off Levi.

Holding her close to his chest, cheek pressed against the top of her head, he tucked his nose under the collar of his shirt and sighed, sinking down into the plush clubhouse chair. Everything ached, but that was to be expected after playing nine innings of baseball. He was just glad that they'd won--it alleviated some of the strain from his shoulders, and maybe the media would stop chomping at the bit for heads to roll.

Against him, Levi was nothing but dead weight, her entire body relaxed. It wasn't late, but she had to be exhausted, having sit out in the blistering afternoon sun and undoubtedly full of pretzel bites and ice cream. She wasn't sticky to the touch though, so that saved him the trouble of having to put a cranky baby in the bath. He could change her into her pajamas and get her back to sleep no problem.

He inhaled slowly, deeply, and released, hot breath dancing along his heated skin beneath the shirt. God, he could fall asleep here--

"Hey, Nol, I'm ready to go if you are."

Goldy's voice jerked Nolan back to reality in an instant, all thought of sleep leaving his body in one swift movement. Blessedly, Levi remained asleep, one of her hands fisting into his shirt as she moved her face closer to his neck.

Above them, Goldy chuckled, deep and amused, the way he always got when he was watching Lars at BP or watching Levi try her shot at one of the many milestones in her life. It was with a fondness that Nolan didn't know how to describe, but always left him feeling tender and warm. Raw.

"Yeah, I'm..." Nolan said as he struggled to his feet, his mouth and body trying to keep up with his brain. "I'm ready."

"You look like you were asleep."

"Was about to be. Been a long week." Nolan rested a hand against the small of Levi's back as he tried to gain his balance. Around them, the clubhouse was still alive with chatter, other teammate's families coming in, and a few straggling reporters trying to get one last soundbite out of one of the more chattier guys. "Ready for the day off."

Goldy's smile widened, finally showing just a hint of teeth. Flustered and sleep-addled, Nolan could quite figure out why he was looking at him like that, until it all clicked in crystal clear clarity: day off. Mom was gonna look after Levi. Victory sex--or at least a semblance of it.

Pleasure began to stir in Nolan's gut at the thought, but he smashed it down and rolled his eyes at Goldy instead, who didn't look even remotely ashamed. Instead, he held his hands out. "I'll take her for you, so you can grab your stuff."

While reluctant to do so, Nolan really did need to get his things packed before they were there all night. As gently as he could manage, he passed her over, and Levi just curled into Goldy just as easily as she had him. Not for the first time, he marveled at what his life was, and how easily everything slotted into place. He felt he didn't deserve it, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.

His locker wasn't too far away, and he began to sort through his things, throwing his street clothes into his backpack and grabbing the random items that were strewn about, talking to Goldy all the while. When he turned, throwing his bag over his shoulder, Goldy paused mid sentence, staring at Nolan's bicep with a hard to read expression.

"Is... that my shirt you're wearing?" Goldy asked, voice painfully neutral.

"What?" Nolan frowned, looking down at himself. He was wearing their standard BP shirt, with the birds on the bat emblazoned across his chest. It looked just the same as every other shirt he's ever worn, but as Nolan plucked at the front, he could feel his face begin to warm.

It was too loose through the chest and arms. The sleeves hung down a little more than he remembered, brushing his forearms and didn't hug his biceps at all. Even when he looked further down at his sweatpants, he could see the hem hadn't settled where it usually was. It was a dumb thing to notice, but after wearing the exact same shirt for over a decade now, you noticed when things didn't sit quite right.

Or, you know, when the shirt you're wearing isn't yours.

Nolan liked to think there wasn't much physically different between him and Goldy, but he's worn the man's shirts enough at home to know different. Bigger biceps, slighter bigger in the chest, definitely longer torso...

Just to be sure, he checked the left sleeve. His face felt like it was on fire at the 46 he saw staring back at him.

"I guess so," he croaked, tugging awkwardly at the shirt again. It was so painfully obvious now that he knew--the shirt reeked of Goldy's cologne, of his deodorant. But they had practically lived inside the other's skin for years now, their clothes intermingling, what was once his now becoming theirs, so he shouldn't be so shocked that this happened. But it'd never happened in the clubhouse. They'd always been good at separating home from work, and now he felt... he felt...

"I like it," Goldy broke him out of his stupor, hand reaching out to gently stroke the 46 between his fingers. "It looks good on you."

I look good on you.

Nolan couldn't suppress the smile that spread across his face even if he tried. That was a new feeling that he hadn't felt before in their relationship: a feeling of being owned, of being his. Yes, living together, sharing their things, raising Levi were all aspects of their relationship, but at times, it was hard to feel like they belonged to each other anymore than that. He knew Goldy wanted him, their earlier conversation highlighted that, but this... this was a different feeling than to be wanted.

He'd never been lusted after. Or, at least, not in a very long time. Not in a way that mattered to him.

"I think we have a couple of extra jerseys lying around at home," Nolan said, deeply enjoying the way Goldy's eyes darkened, the way his body listed forward. Despite all of that, Levi was still safe in his arms, protected. "If you want to see just how good it looks."

"Good thing we have all day tomorrow."

Nolan grinned, and had to bite down on his tongue to stop from kissing Goldy. They weren't really a 'secret', but they weren't anything public, and both of them intended to keep it that way for as long as possible. Instead, he said, "Let's get home. Levi's exhausted."

"She's not the only one."

As they began to make their way out of the clubhouse, saying goodbye to teammates as they went, Nolan allowed himself to enjoy this moment, to be present in it. Before he was traded to the Cardinals, it wasn't something he really found himself doing. It was always go, go, go, do as much as you can as fast as you can, and forget about the simpler things in life.

But now that he had it, now that he realized what he was missing, he was going to enjoy it as much as he could, for as long as he could.

[trashlie]

ILY FP 237

Wanna know something that feels insane? I went to go reread 151 for yknow, reasons, lmao and I noticed it came out September 30, 2021.

/2021/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE THAT EPISODE DROPPED?! NO WONDER WE CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!! NO WONDER WE'RE ALL AS FERAL AS SHINAE AND CLIMBING WALLS AND CHEWING THROUGH OUR KEYBOARDS. I can't get my head around this lmao TWO WHOLE YEARS?! What the HECK?! This has been WILD!!!!!!!

Anyway, I kind of wish you guys could have seen me immediately after reading this episode because I swear it felt like I went through the five stages of like, grief or something, for reasons I'll get to lmao like, my friends and i live blog at each other as we read and it was just a wall of screaming cat emotes sent over and over and DREAD and STRESS and some kind of dramatic chaos and calamity before we got it out of our systems and were like "okay i can be normal* about this now

*as normal as possible all things considered lmao

Anyway. AN EPISODE AIN'T IT? Let's go

I had fantasized a lot about how I waned Dieter and Nol's conversation to go, and as always, I was not entirely on the mark. That's why I'm not the one writing ILY XD But regardless, I love what we got, and we got things that I did NOT expect at all!

There's something about how it starts off with that sort of.... "we're pretending everything is normal and that you didn't totally oversee me making moves on the girl you like while i thought you were sleeping and you don't even know why I came back after blocking all of you let's definitely make visitation plans" that is so funny to me, even though that's absolutely how I expected it to go. Dieter is the master of playing it cool, much to his own detriment, but it works in this case, because Nol is so very like a feral cat, isn't he?

I'm actually really glad that we touched on the topic of visitation because I was SO CERTAIN Nol wouldn't want them to visit him, wouldn't want to be seen like that, wouldn't want to be reminded of their lives going on while he's stuck behind bars for a crime he didn't commit. And Dieter is not that subtle with the way he goes down the list of the potential visitors Nol can have - not that there's, yknow.... many..... lol but we all know what he's getting at, carefully hedging the important matters at hand. "It would make you happy if she visited you, too... right?"

Something so funny about my agitation at the end of this episode was that I so badly wanted to comment on how Nol's reaction to Dieter winning the game reminded me SO MUCH of the expressions Shinae makes lol I don't know if that's just a result of quimchee's artstyle or just one of those many things they have in common, but it makes me laugh a lot.

Dieter possesses a rather straight forward nature that I'm so envious of. I'm the kind of person who struggles to bring up things that I need to talk to friends about, too burned by past experiences that didn't go well that I still get worried that addressing important topics with my friends will go south even though I know better, so I beat around the bush, I hem and haw. But Dieter is SO direct with Nol, even as Nol tries to deflect, even as he attempts to bush it off. It's so admirable! Especially while Nol is being.... well. Nol lmao

I CANNOT believe that he really went nine-year-old on the playground being accused of liking a girl like. He LITERALLY went BLEH why would I even HURL alkfjkafjafjkafkjafjk MY GUY?! ALKFKAFJAKFKAJFKJ?1 He is akjffakfj a MENACE truly related to Nana!!!!!!!!!

I think this must be the most open and honest Nol has ever been with Dieter. When you think about it, Dieter really is the one friend who has been the most "on the outside" of Nol's life, he has only known Yeonggi, and it wasn't for malicious reasons. That's all the stuff Nol dislikes about his life, that he tries to neatly compartmentalize. Up until recently, he was able to do so. Kousuke was off his back, he was more or less free. Everything changed when Rand went out of country and Kousuke had Nol helping out at the office. Dieter had no reason to really know much more about Kousuke and Nol's relationship because Soushi joining their group meant Kousuke wasn't around as often, and we saw that they both were able to thrive (as well as possible) outside of the way of each other.

So for Nol to open up enough to tell him that he doesn't really make friends, despite how it looks. That most people don't really seem to like him, that he doesn't like his peers or his family, that they are really the only people he has let into his life is big. There's so much Dieter still doesn't know about him, but baby steps. You can't just dump all of that, even if he was ready to.

And in him saying this, to some degree I understand. After all, all this while Nol wasn't even aware of those feelings, of what she meant. I think there were moments - like at the formal when he made her laugh - but it wasn't anything like when he had his head rest upon her shoulder, feeling at peace despite his injuries, feeling calm despite the location, feeling like he could fall asleep and learned that it had nothing to do with medication that made him realize it. So on the one hand I DO get his logic, because what if he IS misplacing this feeling, what if he IS wrong, what if he's making something out of nothing?

But I'm sure on another level he knows better, because he knows what Dieter saw, because he was acting on what he felt.

I think Nol has never had feelings for anyone, because he has nothing to compare this to. He said he "tried to make it work" with Alyssa, but there's a sense that he was never actually into her, that there weren't actually any feelings there and they never grew as time went on. And now that he feels these unfamiliar things for Shinae, how is he to know?

What's really funny is that this is the same tactic as Shinae, but in reverse. When she told him we're all friends and he adamantly told her no, because he knows better, because it wasn't platonic, because their kind of friend is so different from how she's friends with Dieter. And even though he's the one who knows his feeling and suspects hers, he still tries the same logic she used: that anyone else could be in her position and maybe he'd still feel the same, that maybe it's just because he's so starved for kindness that he's responding to that.

Again, we know better, but it's so funny to me that she literally tried to use the logic that all friendships are different but also she could put anyone else in his place and it would be the same.

Please. I need them to stop kidding themselves lmaoooooo

For Nol's sake, though, he needs it to be a thing that will pass, because in his mind not only does he endanger Shinae by caring about her, but he also betrays his friend, only further hurts him, and given that Nol's whole deal is that he tries to rebalance the bad he brings into the world by making up for it with good, he's really doing a terrible job.

Unfortunately for Nol, feelings don't work like that and logic can't control them. He can tell himself it might be a thing that can pass, that it might be something that he'd get over, but that doesn't change Shinae's feelings, and the fact that she clearly likes him, not Dieter. It would be so much easier for Nol if Dieter actually treated it like a betrayal, if he was mad at him, if he felt like Nol had wronged him. He wants him to be angry, because he can at least use Dieter's anger and pain as a reason to step back, because god knows Nol himself does not have the will power to do it on his own. If he can say "Acting on my feelings is hurting my friendship with Dieter" he could have a concrete reason to ignore them, because it's not worth losing his friendship.

But that's not who Dieter is. He isn't giving him that kind of excuse.

We can see, too, just how important those friendships are to Nol, that hurting Dieter would be reason enough to drop his feelings! Because these are the only friends he has. The only people who have made him feel like he has value. Made him feel not like nothing but something. A somebody. Special. That's not something worth throwing away, which is ironically what gets him into this problem. These people made him feel special, and he came to care about them as they care about him, and in his mind this has endangered them all, and it's more than enough reason to hold them at arms' length, to smother his feelings and hope they'll die out like cold embers, hope that if he doesn't fans the flames or add new wood, it will go cold.

I really feel for Dieter having this conversation because honestly, it can't be easy. Even though he's holding himself together, we know that it still hurts. His expression with his eyes closed when he mentions how he's seen the way Shinae cries for him... agonizing! He's seen it multiple times now! He's always the one who picks up her pieces and gives her comfort, even though it hurts him to do, even though he knows why she's crying. It wasn't just what he saw that morning when they thought he was asleep - he's been watching this all along, from the beginning, always consciously comparing himself to the people in her life and how she interacts with them. Even as a friend, he doesn't have what she has with Minhyuk or Nol. Dieter knew all along what he was getting into, knew all along the way they interact, the way they gravitate towards each other, and he couldn't help but hope he might have that, too. That with enough time they could be like that. All this morning did was show him that he was never going to have that with her, that he never really stood a chance. ;~; But he tried! It's more than Nol can say right now....

Nol's agitation is such a BIG deal! Again, Dieter has never really known Nol. Yeonggi wasn't like this! Yeonggi didn't have this energy, that feral cat energy, that edge! His shock in response to how Nol responds shows that much - because to him this isn't a big deal, if he likes her then he likes her and he just wanted Nol to know that he won't hold it against him. But there is just so much Dieter doesn't know! He can't understand at this point why Nol is so emotional about it, why he seems so agitated and upset, why he's insisting it will never happen. Seeing those emotions on his face!!! The way Dieter goes from startled to defensive to concerned.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me."

That sounds so threatening! He's the only one who is hurting Shinae, what Nol is saying can't possibly make any sense to Dieter.

He doesn't know about the formal.

He doesn't know about Shinae getting tricked by Yui, how she was coerced to attend that harrowing formal in order to protect someone who it turned out didn't need protecting.

He doesn't know about the fall from the pool and how she hit her head and was in the hospital when she should have been at home getting a good night's sleep the night before her college entrance exams.

He doesn't know about the contract she's locked into.

About the roofies, about Sangchul.

About how Shinae could have been assaulted, or how she could have died.

This is the most honest Nol has probably ever been with Dieter, with anyone but Shinae at this point, frankly, and unfortunately Dieter doesn't know anything, can't understand, but what he can see is that Nol means it. The fear on his face! He looks so childlike in how distressed and afraid he is!

When we really think about it, in Nol's eyes, it is about him. That he is a blight, a mistake who was never supposed to exist. That what happened to his mom was because of him, because he exists. Because he didn't treat her well. What happened to Shinae is because he took interest in her, because she meant something to him, and that wasn't acceptable. He believes harm comes to those he cares about, but in his view that's the extent of it. It's not that Yui is a monster, it's that she's a monster to him.

He doesn't have our objective knowledge. He doesn't know that Kousuke has been drugged and manipulated his whole life, that she drove that wedge between him and his father. He doesn't know that Yui invited Shinae to Kousuke's apartment and treated her inappropriately, tried to undress her, put her in Kousuke's clothes. Does he even really understand how Shinae wound up at the formal? That it wasn't about him at all - that Shinae was convinced Kousuke did something wrong by giving her a job she didn't deserve, that she had to attend the formal to "protect his job".

So to him, it's just because it's him. Because he cares. Because he is a mistake and doesn't deserve any of this, and that they are punished for him not knowing his place. His worries extend to Dieter and Soushi as well, because they are also people he cares about, and maybe the universe will harm them, too, to remind him of his place.

He doesn't know what he has to protect them from, just that he must.

One of these days, we are going to get flashbacks of what happened when Nol was taken away to Hirahara Memorial, and I'm not ready. The way he looks so small and childlike sitting there in his bed with all of his fear and distress, all of these feelings so knotted up inside. What did they do to him when he was in there? What did they say to him, that made him so deeply internalize this belief? Almost two years of being broken down, being convinced that the things that happen to those you care about are the direct result of you caring of your existence. And that's the most frustrating part about it - it's so deeply ingrained, so intricately woven into his psyche that he can't just change his way of thinking. It's going to be so difficult to undo that thinking!

Not that this is really new to us but, just getting to really mull over this is so heartbreaking. Nol is so terrified of losing her, that he's willing to lose her to protect her. He'd rather not have her at all if it will keep her safe, if it will protect her from harm, even though it's so clear that he wants the opposite. He cares so much and it makes him so very afraid. How does he live like that?! That constant battle of wanting vs what he fears, how he let them into his life and broke his rules and in his mind this has put them in danger.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me!"

He really would rather be the one that hurts her to protect her than to take any chances and it just makes me feel SO EMOTIONAL. ;A; OKAY. Because what can you even do to help him? He is so..... I don't like it when people say the word broken, because it often feels low-key like they mean someone is too traumatized to ever be "repaired" but when I say Nol is so broken, I mean that he has been put in situations that have damaged his self-view, that have damaged his psyche, that have altered the way he thinks and feels to such a degree that he is sitting here willing to hurt people in order to protect them, because he lives in this constant fear of unknown that he cannot predict. They took this vulnerable kid and put him through absolute HELL, they broke him and then they refused to put the pieces back together.

I hope that Dieter will talk to someone about it. Is it something he can talk about with Shinae? Can he pull together any clues? He's our most observant character, but does he know enough to start to grasp this very real fear that has gripped Nol? He was there at the arcade when Kousuke and Yui came to pick up Nol, when he reacted strangely to her being there, when he slapped away Kousuke's hand. Is that something that he'd remember, think is worth pursuing? And even if so, what can come of it? He looks genuinely worried and concerned, though, and I hope that something will be able to come of it, because I think even if he can't understand what Nol fears, he at least knows that to him it's very real.

Soushi's timing with the jello just.... KILLED me. KILLED ME what a time to interrupt ;______; How do you get back to that conversation?! And especially with Kousuke there now, it's effectively over. It just!!! LKFAFKJAJFKAKJFAJKFKJAF KLJAFKJAF AKJFKAJFKAFJKAF IT KILLS ME OKAY AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGH

And while I know very well that Kousuke is there with good intentions, that he looks so haunted standing in the hallway waiting for Nol, I can't help but feel a heavy curtain of foreboding coming down, because Kousuke comes in like an omen. Because things go bad when he shows up, even when he's not the one trying to stir things up. And frankly, I don't look forward to this, because I know whatever is going to go down is going to hurt! There's something so..... I guess bitter about Kousuke's very too little too late moment, how he has struggled all these years with how badly he wants Rand's love, how much he fears not being good enough, how terrified he was that Nol could have it and replace him, the guilt for destroying a young child who was never a real threat to him (even though Yui absolutely made him out as a real threat in Kousuke's mind). It's like... knowing that Kousuke is starting to unlock this, is starting to see the insidious underbelly, while knowing it's too late. Nol has wiped his hands of him. He literally nearly died as a result of what happened the night before and even if Kousuke is coming to reach out to him, or to confirm something, Nol has no reason to entertain him, to hep him.

I feel like we are very much seeing that table turn, the role reversal. We're going to watch Kousuke fall apart, trying his best to hold himself together, with no one to turn to, no one he can actually trust, his paranoia eating him alive. It's not that I think anything heavy is going to go down as much as.... maybe we're going to watch Kousuke reach out to him, whether for help or to acknowledge something - that Nol, too, was drugged, that this must be why he hates tea so much, that so many times he ignored Nol's pleas for help - and Nol is probably going to reiterate how very done with him he is, that he wants nothing to do with him or this family any more, that he is done with them and what they've done to him. And just. AUGH ALKJAFKJJKFJKAF IT KILLS ME I'M SO EMOTIONAL I'M SO DISTRESSED BECAUSE WE KNOW WHY KOUSUKE WAS LIKE THAT WE KNOW HOW HE WAS MANIPULATED, HOW THE DRUGGING WAS USED TO ALTER HIS MEMORIES AND HOW HE RECALLED EVENTS HOW HE BELIEVES IN THIS FICTITIOUS VERSION OF NOL WHO WAS FORMED BY YUI'S WORDS AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE NOL IS SO WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHT AND I JUST. TRAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIC SIIIIIIIIIBLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIINNNNGSSSSSSSSS ;A;

And things just always go south when Kousuke comes around. He puts Nol in a worse mood, he starts to act out more. We literally watched this kid jump off a fucking balcony into a pool below and revisit the last time he was at the bottom of a pool, contemplating never returning to the surface! THINGS NEVER GO WELL WHEN KOUSUKE IS INVOLVED AND I'M NERVOUS AND SCARED AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ;A;

At this point, I feel like everything really is up to Shinae at this point, because Nol is back to trying to rebuild his walls and put them up as high as he can, so ready to try to ignore these feelings, to play them off, to tell her that it probably means nothing, that he must just be acting this way because she's been nice when no one else has and if it was anyone else he'd probably feel the same way and GOD I am ready for her to go off on him. He all but told her to leave and come back when you know why you're fighting so hard for me, but I don't think he's actually PREPARED for her going back knowing her feelings, knowing what she wants.

Until now, there's always been a disadvantage between Shinae and Nol in their relationship, where he is always the one with the leg up, the one who knows more, the one who is making moves, the one who is in control of things. But I think we're going to see that change, based on her very feral way of fighting her feelings, how she was about to try to break down his door in order to continue their conversation, how agitated she is by the thought of him throwing her away.

It really does come down to her pure determination, and I'm fully expecting her to go in there and get into an argument with him lmao and frankly, I welcome it. I think that's the only way they're going to get anywhere. There's so many things they need to talk about, they need a heart to heart DESPERATELY but I don't think we're going to lead with it. I go back and forth on how I expect her to go, because she was SO READY to go back in and demand her things back "if I can't have you" (SCREAMING STILL) but now that she knows her feelings... will she? I hope she will, still. Because now it's almost worse, right? That he's taken all these things from her AND he still has a girlfriend AND he now has her heart? HOW IS THAT FAIR, GIVE IT BACK, GIVE BACK EVERYTHING!

I want them to argue because I think they're both a little more honest when they aren't thinking about what they're saying, when they let the hotheaded energy take over and words come out. Nol is probably going to play the "this probably doesn't even mean anything" game, the "this will probably pass and we'll both move on" game, the "maybe i'm just a selfish asshole friend and none of this means anything" game and Shinae is too hardheaded to let that slide.

I want her jealousy and insecurity to come out when Nol tries to shield himself with “I have a girlfriend” and I want her to remind him he said it was fake and he resents her. I want her to look him in the eye and ask if he can really throw it all away, if he wouldn’t have any regrets if he gave up and left her. I want him to fail to answer and instead tell her that maybe he can, who knows, maybe none of this is really real. And I want her to kiss him and prove to him how very real it is, how very much they both want it, and how very much they need each other.

And when she pulls away he can lean in, following her, pulling her back in, his brain off because god knows the moment her mouth touches his it's all over, he's melting, his resolve is crumbling and he's going all in, pulling her against him fingers in her hair mouth crashing back on hers so hungry so touch-starved so full of want.

They can talk about everything else once she's convinced him this isn't so fleeting. She can remind him what she already said, that she deserves a choice in this matter, that leaving doesn't change anything because she still works for the company she's still under contract and now there's more she can tell him - how Yui made her an offer that would essentially tether her to them, how Rand told her to take it that he says Yui will never let her go. That it was not about him that Yui is a witch, tell him about Kousuke's birthday, tell him about the way she got tricked, tell him about the things she tried to do to her.

I've already acknowledged that nothing can undo the years of damage that was done to Nol in the hospital and through years of abuse, but I think Shinae can, at the very least, make him see that she very much is just as trapped, that she's worse off if he leaves, that together they are so much stronger, that they don't have to endure this alone. He can tell her how scared he is and she can stroke his hair and reassure him the best she can that he's allowed to be scared in front of her that she feels scared, too, but maybe she's more afraid of losing someone who means so much to her, who is literally the reason she's gotten through everything she did. That maybe he thinks he's a monster but she's something else in him, that he is the sole reason she could endure that harrowing night.

I WANT THEM TO HAVE AN HONEST HEART TO HEART SO BADLY. I feel like we MUST be going that direction. There's been too much build up not to. As Lil Anon put it, ILY has never been quick to reward, and we must go through the ups and downs to get there. We've had this moment dangled in front of us for so long but we're not getting it easy. But we can see it in the narrative - the emphasis on their mutually realized feelings, that Nol was given that 3 day extension that leads so close to Christmas, the emphasis on her mouth, that these feelings happened before he went to jail. If there wasn't going to be a resolution, NONE of this would have needed to happen, especially not the 3 day extension. Quimchee is absolutely drawing this out - and not even in the "putting up pointless obstacles just to draw it out" kind of way but in the "you are going to be so satisfied when we get there" kind of way lol. It's just so easy to get spooked because that's what the writing is doing! That's tension, baby.

Hopeful optimism is always my downfall lmao but I just feel like we ARE going to have that resolution, that even if there's no relationship at this time, they will know where they stand, that she can convince him not to push her away, that they are too important to give each other up. Whatever he's afraid of, they can brave it together! I WANT IT AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S SO CLOSE OKAY AND I'MA FLKJAFLKJAF AFLKJAFLKJAFKLA FLKJAFLAKJFLKAFJLAFKAFKLAFJAFKJFKAA

We were given two small asides about Nol's phone and the Bible, and I wonder if we'll be seeing those play out the 22nd. The phone is obviously coming in Kousuke's visit next week, but I wonder: does it even work anymore after everything that happened? It was still working after the pool fall, which feels like a miracle, but after falling from the second floor, after getting slammed around in the snow, now covered in blood, will it still be able to turn back on?! lmao I'm not sure what to make yet of Alyssa's messages left hanging like that, especially after walking "into the light" with Gun. There's the fact that she's off to some schedule, so could there be a chance for those dating rumors to come up that she has to strike down? On the one hand, they feel like they could be left hanging, which kind of feels so symbolic of their whole relationship lmao but. IDK!!!! At the very least it probably needs a charge LMAO but idk idk this is the area I get murky because I think it can go so many ways. I don't think Nol has any intention of breaking up with her at this time, especially because he'll probably try to use it as a shield against Shinae, but.... I've always felt the break up would come from her due to dating rumors. Especially because of how bad his reputation is at this point (violence, roofies which makes it sound like he sexually assaults people) it would be EASY for Alyssa's agency to spin it and make it sound like indeed, she does not have a relationship with him and in fact he has frightened her or something. They were even in public at the Christmas party arguing even on the dance floor, before what happened later so. Idk SOMETHING will come of that, I'm sure.

But I'm also hoping referencing the Bible means that maybe he will find it when everyone else has left and he's bored - especially if his phone won't turn on - and take a look at the letters Shinae mentioned, since he only thought there was the one.

This is really important to me, because I need Nol so badly to see how he stands in the same place his father did. I want him to be able to better understand his parents - how his mom stayed clinging to a married man who she could not really be with, how she uprooted her child and herself to move closer to him. How she tried over and over to be there for him, to try to support him, and Rand didn't allow it. How unlike Rand, Nol has less to lose. He isn't married, he doesn't have a child, a family. He doesn't NEED to stay in a relationship that will only suffocate him, that will turn him into a hollow husk of a man like Rand did. I NEED him to realize that he is on a fast track of following in his father's footsteps, in becoming this empty meaningless man.

I want him to see how Rand's feelings for Nessa never went away. Even after she died, he still carried her around in that Bible. In her letters, in the photograph of Nol. He carried her around because he never got over her. And is Nol prepared to live that way?

This is also why I'm perfectly fine with Nol and Shinae kissing before he and Alyssa break up, because I think it would help him better understand his parents - how Rand had a duty to his marriage, but he fell in love with someone who actually meant something, and how she was the love of his life that he never got over. To understand how his mom could be with someone who was married. For him to understand that feelings are NOT logical, that you can't really control them. He never meant to develop feelings for the girl his friend likes - but it still happened.

Maybe if Nol can understand them, it will help him forgive them a little, give him a tiny bit of peace. And hopefully help him to make the right decision, to accept the love people give him, and to face his fears together with them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[poisonheart]

Replying to @trashlie and @hotdamncomics for their reblogs on this post under a cut so I can spare my friends the walls of text of a comic they're not reading lol.

Trashlie, friend, reblogger of theories and fellow Thursday night feels partner absorbing all the details... you bring up such great points.

But on the other, Yui has spent Kousuke’s entire life gaslighting and manipulating him; it’s only natural that it would be difficult for him to reconcile these two versions of her, and sometimes he’s unable to in the end. 

Every time Yui makes a move she says she does it with either his or their family's best interest in mind. Over and over. Kousuke has seen himself benefit time and time again from her unorthodox methods. And we know that he's not against life being unfair in his favor.

He has never had reasons to doubt that was her only motive, but he isn't a child anymore. He has seen and experienced things she has done that are worse than merely giving him an unfair advantage.

I'm actually curious about how Kousuke would respond if he realized his mother is trying to ruin and remove Rand from the picture.

This is why I so desperately want Rand to connect to Kousuke that evening. Even if Kousuke doesn't immediately believe him and thinks any mushy words mean Rand is disappointed in him (as he thought earlier that night when Hansuke took the call sneakily) the seed will have been planted.

Kousuke might see that he is been a pawn in a power struggle he's never signed up for. He didn't want to reach the top to ruin his father, but to meet him. He didn't want to reach the top to be to busy to spend time with his father, but rather if his father's burden were less, then maybe they would have time to spend together.

Yui's played a game that can backfire on her.

Because if Kousuke doesn't end up resenting Rand for his neglect, for having another family, then she can actually lose her pawn to him.

Especially if Kousuke uncovers that his mother sabotaged whatever closeness they could have had.

I really need Rand to be able to reach to at least one of his sons before the time skip. Even if it's just to plant a seed.

If Yui wanted to ensure that Nol never stood a chance against Kousuke, then damaging not only the way others see him but also the way he sees himself was a sure fire way to do it, wasn’t it?

Indeed, psychological manipulation in the hands of professionals with the intent to harm instead of helping is very dangerous.

And it makes me think back on the formal.

We know that Yui could not have predicted Nol's involvement or how things played out with him entirely, but she took the chance when it presented itself.

She knows damn well that Nol doesn't like her touching him, so she crept up on him deliberately to cause the rest of the events to unfold. She's so threatened by his existence that she'd risk her precious heir in order to cause another situation—a very public one—for Nol being unstable and malicious toward Kousuke, the heir.

After all, her son could have sustained far more serious injuries, but she didn't care. Yui was willing to risk it if it meant ensuring Nol had another mark against him.

She could always blame any lingering health issues after that accident on Nol purposefully hurting Kousuke.

Of course, the one who got hurt was Shin Ae, which she could still use against him to at least trigger him to go back to whatever state kept him down and defeated before.

Either way, she took a huge risk, which means she is actually very concerned about Nol's existence.

He is the one who truly gets under her skin, as we've seen.

[That lip quiver at the Christmas party was so satisfying...]

/ / / / /

Okay, so hotdamncomics, yes! I remember you from the kdrama life. Glad to see you have similar taste in comics. You bring up interesting points! I think the formal arc really helped us see the personalities, as well as "core" values (at that time) of the major characters.

Kousuke who didn't help Shin-ae when he tripped her at the formal is his real self, someone concerned foremost by how people see and perceive him than someone else's comfort or safety. He's not a nice and proper gentleman at core. That's a mask, one he put on when he invited Shin-ae to dance to prove a point that he was a gentleman. Even here he's failed to act in her interest regardless if he was genuine. He took priority. Let me fix my previous blunder by offering that poor girl a dance and not so much about proving he wasn't embarrassed of her.

He knew someone like her wouldn't know how to dance but he put her on the spotlight because repairing his image was more important than proving he wasn't ashamed of her. He could have chosen to play the piano with her by his side. It would still draw attention, still show her he's not ashamed of admitting he knows her, but would have placed her comfort ahead of his image.

This is actually a fantastic observation and you proposed a great alternative to inviting her to dance that would have conveyed the sentiment that he knows her and doesn't mind being seen with her without further embarrassing her by offering to partake in an activity he should have assumed she wasn't accustomed or knew how to do.

But, we see this again when Shin Ae's falls. Yes, he is the one closest to grab her when she falls over the railing, but once they hit the pool, he's first concerned with getting himself out and then remembers she's fallen too which is entirely different from Nol's eventual choice.

Nol comes up to air with Shin Ae.

And after the Christmas party arc we were aware that he was dealing with suicidal thoughts in that moment—he wanted to remain there, essentially drown, but seeing her pushed him to go back to his hell.

He didn't deserve the "peace of death."

It's not that I think there is something wrong with people who will prioritize themselves, but it does serve as a contrast between just how different Nol and Kousuke operate.

There have been so many hints that prove Kousuke isn't in fact that kind gentleman—that is part of the persona, of the expectation of a well-rounded heir and the type of man his father would admire.

Kousuke often slips out of that mask, particularly when stressed, to show who he is. A man who says more than he should under the veil of honesty, often hurting or insulting those around him.

"I don't mean to offend," is always said by those who will offend.

Yujing's actions feel too personal and led by revenge to be something shallow. Someone important must have urged her to try for a story that can ruin her career if she doesn't execute it perfectly and with no room for a counter defamation lawsuit.

I think this is actually quite right. We don't know what kind of "terrible situation" Rand helped her out of—but he had a hand in getting her to where she is. Someone who has tasted defeat or loss is protective of security and more prone to self-preservation.

She does have a strong ethic and she mentions she wants to restore faith in journalism by exposing the truth no matter how ugly. It'll be interesting to see what prompted her to take this risk to bring a very powerful woman like Yui down. Perhaps Yujing isn't meant to hit the knock out, but weaken her enough where the others on the board (if we go back to the chess theory) can act.

[furymint]

send  🏠  for  a  domestic  starter . Nol n eli nol n eli nol n eli

starter prompts | wc: 553

The dinner table was thronged by confusion and family. Mathieu Cadieux, at the head of the table, was flanked by his two daughter-in laws. Their husbands sat beside them, then two of Elliot’s cousins, Elliot himself across from Nolanel, two aunts, Josseloux and a cousin, and Prenie at the foot.

During a pause in the conversation, Nolanel absently scratched open a scab under his nose. He didn't notice. A bright spot of blood shone on his face, unlocking a vampiric look to his gloom, and no one knew quite how to tell him.

Madeline said something about favoring blackberries in season, and that wine made of them was preferred at the altar of a certain Northern Highland chapel. A polite but disengaged acknowledgment rippled through the table.

Blood dribbled down to Nolanel’s lip. His tongue flashed out, and a heretofore impossible pallor struck his wan face. Something like recognition followed--but he did not raise his napkin to clear the blood away.

Elliot stared at Josseloux with wide, threatening eyes, thinking that the look conveyed that he would steal his fathers valet and never allow Nolanel to shave himself again.

Josseloux, who understood the look, also knew that loyal Antoine would never betray his master of over twenty years. Nevertheless for a man who was once the boy that he'd shaved a single time--when Elliot woke one morning, nineteen summers old, and was convinced that a negligible amount of peach fuzz was disrupting the line of his smile.

By this time, it would be truly rude if Nolanel discovered his shame and had not been imformed of it by one of the thirteen onlookers. Alvise cleared his throat. Possibly he meant only to encourage his wife, but he never spoke. A servant interrupted by bowing at Nolanel’s side.

"Ser Feran," he whispered, although Nolanel stiffened as if he'd yelled. The servant extended an arm and twisted his hand discretely to deposit a folded handkerchief.

Nolanel stared at it dumbly.

Ives had his second greatest idea. "I propose a toast," he declared, swiping up his goblet and raising it eyelevel. "To the construction of the Firmament, and the promise of safety, prosperity, and eternal growth of our Holy City." His first great idea was monopolizing a large portion of the shingle industry.

Mathieu enjoyed rewarding fortunes and avoiding emotional responsibility, so he assented with a loud, "Hear!"

Each person at the table released the utensils they'd held for deniability, then took up their glasses.

"To Ishgard's next age," said Ives.

The party echoed him, clinked their glasses, and drank.

Blood remained on Nolanel’s face.

Alvise looked dumbfounded; Ives was trying not to look; Mathieu was turning red; every woman hid their face but Prenie, whose squint was becoming intolerable. Josseloux understood. Elliot despaired.

If the alcohol did not sting Nolanel’s cut, he must not have drank it at all.

Nolanel lowered his sleepy eyes to his plate.

Elliot took a deep breath, held it, and exhaled with a tiny hum. "Ser," he said, although no one else seemed to notice.

With eager alacrity, Nolanel woke to serve him.

Elliot demonstratively rubbed a fingertip across part of his upper lip.

It seemed hopeless. Seconds passed.

Nolanel touched his lip with his gloved hand and gasped.

Josseloux grinned like a fox. "Well, thank the Fury for that!" 

[unusualindigo]

A Knight and his Squire, Chapter 1

AD 2206, 5/5, 6th Hierarchical City of Yabiko – Unknown Area

The vigilante known as Carl Clover sighs as he takes another sip of his brandy. He's sitting at a table in a humble, homely pub done up in Austrian style. It is that very furnishing had caught his eye. Its familiar style is a welcome distraction from his sister’s absence. He’d had to leave her hidden outside, to avoid drawing the attention of his fellow patrons. It's his twenty-first birthday, not that he feels like celebrating.

He’s no closer to his goals than when he’d set out all those years ago. The drinking is for experimentation. He wants to see if his inebriation will bring about favor from some merciful muse. If only he was alone.

Kagura Mutsuki slings an arm around Carl’s cloaked shoulders. “Come on, Clover, live a little!”

The man is the leader of the NOL's Praetorian Guard, not that you'd know it from his demeanor. Still, his spiky black hair falls over his handsome face quite strikingly in the pub’s low light.

Carl huffs, his left ‘eye’ throbbing behind his silver half-mask. His white-gloved hand grips the iron handle of his mug tighter as his irritation grows. “Colonel, I must kindly ask that you remove your arm from my person.”

Kagura raises a brow, but cordially removes his wrapped hand from Carl’s shoulder, then taking a sullen swig of his sake.

Carl himself takes another deft sip of his brandy. He relishes the warmth gliding down his throat.

Kagura groans, “Stop taking baby sips! You need to throw it back and have another, or you’ll never get the hang of this.”

Kagura demonstrates his point by throwing back his head and downing his bottle in a single go. He jostles his ornately gold-lined black cape in the process.

How typically uncouth of the playboy, Carl muses. He hums his disapproval and continues to sip leisurely. “Hopefully Mutsuki will get bored if I don’t react to him. I’d rather not risk a fight.”

Alas, Kagura persists. With a twinkle in his iolite eyes, he smiles smolderingly. He slurs his words a bit, “You know what you need?”

Carl raises a disinterested brow, not even glancing at Kagura. “Some peace and quiet?”

His cerulean eye stares forward, burning a hole in a painting depicting a cavalry charge.

“Nope.” Kagura sets down the empty mug and motions for another. He then raises a scholarly finger skywards, his expression solemn. “You need a, hic, woman’s touch.”

Carl stiffens, his gaze shifting to the man beside him with suspicion and irritation.

Kagura leans in, never breaking eye contact. He huskily murmurs, “You’re so tense. I could use you to beat Shishigami to Torifune and back.”

Carl scoffs, leaning away to glare at Kagura with a vicious frown.

Kagura smirks at him rakishly. “See what I mean? You’re getting all worked up just thinking about it.”

Kagura moves to poke Carl on the nose with his pointer finger, but the younger man slaps his hand away.

Carl hisses like a terrorized Kaka kitten, his hackles rising as his voice lowers. “And just how do you know I favor the company of women? Or any company at all for that matter?”

Kagura shakes his swatted hand with a hum, shrugging. He’s not lost his rakish leer. “Call it lover’s intuition.”

Carl groans desperately and takes a properly uncouth swig of his brandy. He turns away from the ridiculous man, silently damning the heat creeping into his cheeks.

Kagura smacks the table in protestation, causing Carl to jolt and refocus on him.

Kagura’s expression is sloppier now, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Say, Clover. How’s about a bet?”

Carl raises a critical bow, huffing, “What?”

Kagura continues to smirk, leaning in close once again. “If you can— hic, drink me under the table, I’ll let you go. If I win, you gotta stay with me for a while so I can— hic find you a pretty lady.” He leans back, crossing his arms challengingly. “So, whaddya say?”

Carl eyes Kagura dubiously. The man is a bit of a braggart by reputation, and is clearly drunker than Carl. He thinks for a moment, then dons a confident smirk of his own. Given his constitution and the progress Kagura has already made toward oblivion...

Carl finishes his drink with a flourish, “Alright, Colonel. I’ll play your little game.”

---------

Kagura hums thoughtfully as he watches Carl grip the edge of their table. The kid’s blonde braid brushes across the fine polish as he tries to maintain his precarious balance. He whines as Kagura hands him another mug.

Carl pouts, meekly muttering, “Mutsuki, why are we, hic, doing this, again?” He tilts his head like a lost puppy, his bangs falling into his eye.

Kagura can’t help the hearty chuckle that escapes his lips at such a cute sight. “Because you need to prove yourself as a man, remember?”

With a huff, Carl raises his freshly full mug of brandy to his lips and closes his eye.

Kagura’s expression takes on a more calculating edge. Carl’s fallen for his reliable routine hook, line, and sinker. Kagura reckons that it will be just another drink or two before the kid’s finally down for the count.

Kagura could tell at a glance that Carl wasn’t in a good place. His back was as stiff as a steel rod, his suspicious eye darting around the pub constantly. It hadn’t taken him long to notice Kagura, and then he’d been strung tighter than one of Taro’s strings. It’s pretty clear to Kagura that the last six years of self-isolation haven’t done Carl much good. Still, who knew that he’d be such a regressive drunk?

Carl finishes his drink with a satisfied gasp, the alcohol shining prettily off his petal pink lips. His long lashes flutter against a flushed cheek as he opens his eye to peer at Kagura.

Kagura hasn’t seen the other man this vulnerable before. Not that he’s ever seen or paid much attention to Carl, mind. Though he supposes that he can now see why that performance troupe was chasing after him. Carl’s soft features are an excellent complement to the low, warm lighting of the pub.

Kagura grabs one of his new bottles of sake, and downs it swiftly, relishing in the singeing burn. He’ll give Carl his due; he’s gotten Kagura very nearly drunk himself. He’s about half a dozen rounds away from his limit.

If Carl somehow proves his intuition wrong and manages to hang on, this will have all been for nothing. If that happens, then Hibiki's bound to get pissed at him.

Kagura thinks about that notion again, then shrugs. “Hibiki’s probably pissed at me anyway.”

Carl puts down his mug, hiccupping airily, swaying more erratically in his seat.

A shark’s killer grin splits Kagura’s cheeks. He’s got Carl dead to rights, now.

Kagura quickly hands Carl another mug.

The younger man shakily shoots him with a glare full of distress and angry determination.

Kagura then grabs another bottle of sake for himself and counts down from five. They raise their drinks in unison, and…

Carl topples onto the table with a thud, out cold.

Kagura puts down his bottle with a cocky grin and a flourish. “…You’re out. I win.”

“Now Sir, it’s impolite to leave a contest unfinished.”

Kagura jolts as a familiar, but unwelcome voice huskily whispers in his ear. He nervously turns his head to see a particularly intense-looking Hibiki. He swallows thickly.

Hibiki offers a small smile that actually reaches his dark eyes.

Kagura feels his soul trying to escape the unsafe confinement of his very mortal flesh. Kagura smiles shakily at the man, then grabs and downs his mug as quick as a flash.

Hibiki’s expression returns to careful neutrality. He hums, “Also, since when did you have time in your schedule to run a dating service?”

Kagura bats his eyes innocently, hoping to duck from what he knows in his heart is inevitable. “I’m sure that Their Highness can find it in their heart to—”

Hibiki slices a hand through the air, producing a clipboard holding a thick paper stack.

Kagura groans, his once happy heart falling into the merciless clutches of despair. Why did he have to do paperwork now? With a reluctant sigh, he gets to work filling out an extensive leave waiver.

Kagura finishes after several minutes, and moodily passes the clipboard back to Hibiki.

Hibiki hums, gesturing to the unconscious form of Carl. “Best you both get going before Shishigami comes looking, sir. I took the liberty of letting him know that dear ‘Master Carl’ was in here.”

Kagura sputters and darts his eyes around the pub nervously. “You sneaky little—?!!"

Hibiki saunters off while Kagura’s distracted. He disappears into the shadows within a moment.

Kagura is about to shout for him to come back, when he hears the growing echoes of that signature loud shouting. He kicks his ass into high gear. He throws a lot of money on the table, grabs Carl, and books it out the back door.

---------

Bang Shishigami bursts through the door of the small pub with a manly cry. ““MASTER CARL! It’s been too long since— Huh?"

Bang looks around in confoundment and sadness, frowning deeply. Hibiki said he’d be right here, at table three. Yet here he stands atop the fine furniture with nothing but empty chairs before him.

He hums thoughtfully and taps his chin. His expression becomes pensive as his keen mind races. “How curious…”

“You jackass, I just got that table clean!”

A swift and devastating broom swing to the head cuts Bang’s customary inner monologue short.

----------

Kagura bobs to the left with a grunt. A moment later, he weaves to the right with a groan. A silver claw comes too close to snagging his cape, and he curses under his breath. He continues to cycle through evasive maneuvers, trying to outrun Nirvana.

However, the giant purple marionette is pretty damn relentless in her pursuit.

Carl’s plated hat is heavy from where it sits after Kagura had hastily jammed it onto his head. Carl’s loosening braid also keeps tangling and snagging on Kagura’s fingers as he adjusts his grip. This is getting to be too much of a hassle in his current state.

Kagura decides to jostle Carl’s sleeping form and manages to rouse him for a moment.

Carl hums, barely cracking his eye open. “Hmm? Just five more minutes, Sis…”

Carl dozes off again, snuggling closer and beginning to drool on Kagura’s white shirt.

Kagura shakes him again, this time with feeling. “Clover! Get your Nox to knock it off!”

Carl moans, but cracks open his wary eye. He slurs a bit unintelligently before calling out, “Sis. It’s okay, Mutsuki’s just… Um, what are we doing…?”

Kagura watches Nirvana hesitate. He decides it’s best to play along with his assigned role of the designated runner. “I’m taking you home so you can sleep this off.”

Carl nods slowly, a soft, drunken smile forming. “That sounds nice. See Sis? It’s okay…”

Carl trails off again, and Kagura watches Nirvana stop with a relieved sigh.

For a moment, the marionette just stands there. Then, she tilts her head and hold out her claws.

Not wanting to piss her off again, Kagura pivots and hands Carl to her.

Nirvana stares, tilting her blonde head again, almost as if she’s expecting something from him.

Kagura huffs, “You’re not serious…”

The moon gleams off her silver claws and she opens her other arm to gesture impatiently.

Kagura groans, then unenthusiastically shuffles into her grasp.

She clenches them both to her chest, then rockets off towards the NOL Branch at blinding speeds.

Kagura barely holds back his dinner.

Carl doesn’t, and a scream of terrified anguish from below splits the night. He’s going to have a hell of a hangover in the morning.

Kagura decides then and there that he’ll sleep in. He doesn’t want to deal with a hung-over Carl. Still, there’s no denying the night’s success. Kagura closes his eyes with a sigh. “Guess I’ll have to wait after all.”

[javid-shamash]

🤥💢 🎁 🔧♥️ for Aeon and noltelant comma the wizard bc I miss her

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

aeon is absolutely awful at lying. they are so bad at it. they always look away and tug at the fur on their hands and just. theyre so obvious about it. however. aeon is very good at not mentioning things, if that makes sense. good at omission horrible at full on lying.

nol is a lot better at lying, she just finds it too complicated unless absolutely necessary. maybe because anthe can read everyone around her like- well, no vic, not like she can read minds. her tells are more subtle- looking in a strange direction, shifting her posture.

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

aeon is. way too willing to let someone walk all over them and not bring up smth that upset them or made them uncomfortable. which they need to work on but also is just. frustrating to deal with someone who is unwilling to set any boundaries yknow. so while i wouldnt say ppl should just get used to this habit, its not smth that will easily go away. the more reasonable answer to this is flower petals being fucking everywhere. aeon makes so many flowers. and also scrapes against cielings and walls from their antlers

nol has never made anything convenient for anyone ever. she has an insanely good internal clock when it comes to sleep and is always up exactly 8 hours after she fell asleep and she will not do nothing. if shes up shes gonna be doing something. she will experiment with magic without putting down a tarp or smth. and also she has this fun new habit every now and then where she cuts off her pinkie to make a clone. which could take getting used to.

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

because of the culture aeon grew up in, anything handmade or that assists in handmaking crafts is sure to make him happy. no matter what it is, if its handmade he cares about it. as for giving gifts, i think hes pretty good at it. he has a very good understanding of other people's emotions despite his naivete and cares a lot about making them happy

nol likes practical things that she can use. spell materials, a new spell, s cover for her spellbook, etc. if she'll use it she'll be happy with it. nol is not good at giving gifts though. she's much better at performing grand acts of magic or doing favors for her friends than actually giving gifts

🔧 WRENCH - are they good at fixing relationships? or do they tend to avoid doing so?

LMAO. aeon has never fixed a relationship because theyre too avoidant. echo ghosted them and aeon has not even remotely asked her about that despite plenty of chances to do so and has no self respect. fixing relationships requires aeon admitting something is wrong which they wont do

nol is bad at fixing relationships because she's petty and mean. i love her deeply. she is very spiteful. she's spent years avoiding and fighting the gods because she hates them and has no intention to do anything to fix it. rarely she will try and amend things with people she's very close to but she's not good at it

❤️ RED HEART - their love language(s)?

aeon likes to receive words of affirmation. and physical touch. and likes to give gifts and quality time.

nol likes to receive gifts and acts of service. she also likes to give acts of service and quality time.

[youuuimeanmee]

If we forget about Nol's injury for a second, this is the second time he flinched when Shinae hugged him back.

Before anyone come at me with "No, he clearly flinched because his back is injured!", let's take a look at ep 151.

See that hand? His grip literally loosen the moment she touched him.

Which is why, I think, even without his injury, he'd still do the same thing.

It's apparent Shinae touched the sensitive part of him. It's almost symbolic. It's like he didn't anticipate someone will hug him back when he hugged them, Like, he did not expect someone will reciprocate his feelings. Or maybe he still has a trauma for being touched? Like there is still a part of him that reject the kindness someone show him.

Nol has a long, long way to go before he could heal.

[drewsbuzzcut]

Ooooh maybe a blurb on one of the kids when are a baby like a 6-8 months old and may has been gone from a long roadie and he has also been practicing and putting in a lot of extra work; staying late at morning skate or longer workouts and maybe he comes home from a roadie and one of the babies (you can choose between the three hehe😉) doesn’t recognize him or maybe only wants to be held/taken care of by model!reader and mat is upset and devastated bc he feels like a shit father but it’s just the baby being a baby and tired bc by the next morning the baby only wants Mat and NO ONE ELSE

🥹😭

I’m going with Nolan just bc he’s the first baby, so Mat is still very new when it comes to fatherhood!

Mat lugs himself through the front door, body being weighed down by the longer morning skates and the intense workout sessions that follow. That’s not to mention Mat feeling extremely guilty for spending more time on hockey than with his family. Between a two week long roadie and the endless hours at the rink, Mat hasn’t been around for you or for Nolan. He can’t even fathom a thought about what he’s sure he’s missed with being absent. All he wants is to cuddle into his girlfriend and hold his sweet baby boy.

Entering his home, he’s met with the smell of a clean house and Nolan’s body wash. The guilt really starts to eat at him in that moment. He should be here, helping you clean and bathe your son. Shaking it off, he silently works his way through the house, finishing your cleaning routine and putting his things away. Finally he makes his way to your ensuite, pushing the door open to find you crouched down while you work the baby soap through Nolan’s tufts of hair.

“Look who’s here, Nolie! It’s daddy!” You quietly cheer, smiling at your man.

“Hi, baby. I missed you so much,” he whispers, sitting on the floor next to you.

“I missed you,” you say back into his lips.

“Hi, sweet boy. Daddy missed you, Nols,” he coos, reaching out to touch his son, but the baby pulls away.

Mat frowns, but not long enough for you to notice.

“How was the roadie? You guys played really well, especially you. You looked so sexy out there,” you make conversation, dying to hear about his week.

“Thank you, pretty girl. Yeah, the roadie was really good. We played some good hockey, thank god,” he mutters, leaning back against the porcelain tub.

“I love that for you. Can you do me a favor and get Nolan dried and dressed in his jammies? They’re on the bed,” you ask even though you don’t have to.

“Of course,” he agrees, pulling his baby boy out of the tub and making sure he’s wrapped snugly in his towel.

Nolan quickly realizes that you’re not the one holding him and starts squirming in Mat’s arms.

“It’s okay, baby. Daddy has you,” he tries to soothe the crying baby, but it’s to no avail.

Nolan cries the entire time he’s with Mat, not even Mat’s voice can calm him down like it usually does.

When you step back into your room, skin care done and dressed in Mat’s t-shirt, Nolan clocks you. He’s immediately reaching out for you and you don’t let him suffer any longer.

“What’s wrong, my little love? It’s okay, mommy’s here,” you get your baby to finally calm down.

Your boyfriend watches you rock Nolan to sleep, heart sinking into his stomach. He hates himself even more.

You quickly take Nolan to his nursery where you rock him for a while before heading back to your bed.

You notice Mat’s unusual silence, piquing your concern. You turn towards him and just watch as he stares daggers into the ceiling.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, head resting on his shoulder and hand rubbing his stomach.

“Nolan doesn’t recognize or doesn’t love me, I hope it’s the former. I’m such a shit father. I haven’t been around much and now he doesn’t even know who I am,” he blurts, voice thick with sadness.

You frown at his teary eyes.

“That’s not true. He loves you so much and he does know who you are. You know that. He’s always so happy to see you on facetime and he loves hearing your voice. He’s just a baby. They’re odd like that. Please don’t let it get to you,” you try to talk him down.

“That doesn’t mean that I’m not a shit father, though. I haven’t been here as much as I should. I’m steadily choosing hockey over being here with you guys and being a parent and partner,” he says in a strangled cry.

You move to lay on top of him, so your eyes can look down into his. You cup his cheeks and kiss his lips so softly.

“You’re not a shit father. Hockey is your job and I understand you wanting to get better at it. There’s no fault in it. Yeah, I wish you were around more, but I do understand you being gone. I knew what I was getting myself into. Please don’t call yourself a shit father,” you state, truth obvious in your voice.

“I love you and I’ll be here more,” he promises.

“I love you.”

That night you go to sleep with your big baby in your arms. Mat’s heart finally doesn’t feel so heavy.

He quickly comes to see that you’re right, come next morning when you place a happy Nolan on his chest.

“I love you, Nolie bear,” he whispers, kissing his baby’s head.

Your baby cuddles into your boyfriend’s chest and you feel your heart melt at the sight. You share a knowing glance with Mat and you sigh in contentment. Nothing can compare to mornings with your boys. Nothing can compare to the love being shared in your bedroom.

[this-is-ally-and-im-confused]

heyy luv, can i request a sweet valentine letter from ethan edwards from umich (or nolan patrick if you rather) ? thank youu

xoxo

Of course! I'm going to write this about nolan because I feel I can do him a bit more justice. But if you want an Ethan Edward's letter feel free to request again

Uh hi babe,

 I hope I can do this okay. The boys said that these hand-written letter things are a pretty good addition to Valentine's Day gifts. You know how I'm not a poet. I think I should talk about how I met you. Even though you were there. Is this stupid? I'll do it for you. 

The night we met was August 19th, 2018. We were at a concert. I remember walking up to you because you seemed uncomfortable with that creep that was standing behind you. after walking over to you, I leaned down and asked if you were okay. It was adorable how you grabbed my hand and asked if I could stay near you until the show ended. Of course, I did. A man like me couldn't let a gorgeous human like you alone with creeps like that guy. I would’ve killed him if he tried anything with you. I knew that you were something worth protecting.

The show ended with you on my shoulders. As well as a date to get Slurpees. You told me all about your favorite songs from the band.  As we sat down in my truck, I told you about home life back in Manitoba. Conversation between us flowed so easily. We kept talking for most of the night. I didn't get you home until after 4 a.m. Morning practice after that night was exhausting. I still think it was so worth it. 

You know, I think that's the moment I knew I met my soulmate. Haha, it feels weird to believe in soulmates but yeah that's the perfect way to describe you. It's like you are just “my person”. No questions asked. You're the crazy to my calm. The sunshine to my rain clouds. Heck, you're the clarity to my headaches. You were actively by my side for every headache. Most of all, you were willing to deal with my bad attitude due to the pain.

 It's like your an angel. 

The boys always ask me how I got the most cheery, adorable, and giggly person that they had ever met–to be mine?  The answer is that I must have done fucking something right. It reminds me of when Stoney first met you after our game. You sat in your seat right near the ice. I was amazed by how gorgeous you looked dressed in my jersey and an adorable set of glasses. 

I could’ve melted despite being on the ice. Ahaha get it? Puns are awesome.

 But anyway, I couldn’t stop blabbing about you to the boys on the bench and I got chirped so hard. Then Stoney said “Lay the fuck off of Mrs. Sunshine and Mr. Clouds, we got a game to play,” and then he shot me a smile. 

Yeah, you are my sunshine. It's amazing how you lighten up a room just by walking in it. You remind me to loosen up. It's nice how carefree you are. All the times you have been the calm to my crazy. 

You helped take care of everything. When I found out I was being traded by Philly to Las Vegas, you held me as I panicked. You are part of the reason I keep in touch with TK. I'm grateful to him for helping move you out here with me after those two months of long-distance. When I had to be that far from you, it was hell. I'm pretty sure I made a horrible impression with the Knights at first just because I was grumpy and missing you. 

You have been the person that held me through the trash talk that came to me during my injury reserve time.

I love you for all of that, babe.  I might have lost it all without you. Anyways, I hope I did an okay job with this letter. Thanks for being my person. Now let's go to that concert and dinner we planned for tonight, sunshine.

Sincerely, your idiot,

Nol-Pats :)

taglist: @snugglyducklingbrewhouse @nucksgal03 @hugheshugs @oowenspower

[stardusttkachuk]

take it out on me

Pairing: Nolan Patrick x Fem!Reader Word Count: 2.5k Warnings: smut, Dom!Nolan, spanking, choking, daddy kink, use of the color system, rough sex, unprotected sex, oral (female receiving), fingering, mentions of bruises, fluff, Summary: Nolan comes home from a rough roadie. Y/N suggests he take it out on her like he’s done before, but things are a bit too rough this time and Nolan ends up hurting her, sending him into a panic and promising to do everything and anything to make it better.

Nolan had been having a bad week to begin with, hell a bad season at that. There was talk of him being benched for a game, as he wasn’t producing at all. His last goal came in a shootout, but otherwise, it’d been goose eggs for a while. He had already been moved to the fourth line and he was a mixture of anxious and angry as he left for the most recent roadie.

Losing 0-9, then 1-6 at the end really tipped him off. He came home fuming, disappointed in himself, upset with the team and the tension that was radiating through the locker room the entire time. And tired. The flight was rough. All he wanted was something to eat and then to go to bed.

He was harsh with the apartment door, slamming it upon entering, cussing at himself for slamming it, knowing you’d be on him later for it. He hadn’t even noticed you standing in the kitchen, watching him with pitiful eyes.

Of course, you knew about the season. You knew how he felt about his own performances and the teams as a whole. You knew how stressed out he’d been lately.

“Nolan?” you asked tentatively, watching as he leaned back against the door.

“What?” His voice was harsh, but you could hear the softness laced around it, trying to be calm around you.

“You know the last time you were stressed and...and you took it out on me? We can do that again if you want to.”

“Seriously?” he breathed, almost out of relief. “Baby if you’re down for it, I could really use that.”

You nodded and stepped closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and having to stand on your toes to meet his height. “I’m here, I want to.”

“You’ll say red if you need to, right?”

“You know I would,” you said, brushing your hand through his hair, disheveled from what you could only assume was the flight.

“Fuck,” he grunted, grabbing the backs of your thighs and lifting you up, you hooking your legs around his waist.

Nolan’s lips were on yours, blindly finding his way to the bedroom. He kicked the door closed, throwing you down onto the bed, a slight smirk crossing his features as you bounced, finding a comfortable position for yourself. He wasted no time undressing you, tossing the clothes carelessly to the floor.

“Nolan, oh fuck!” You moaned as his tongue lapped at your already soaked center.

“What was that?” He asked, hand colliding with your ass, hard. You whined at the feeling, the loss of him eating you out and now the stinging pain on your bottom.

“Nolan, please?” Your sentence died off as he spanked you again, flipping you over onto your stomach.

“What’s my name?” His question had your thighs shaking. He really must’ve had a bad week. Nolan was usually on the rough side most times, but when he got like this it meant something was really wrong.

“Daddy,” you moaned, gripping onto the pillow. He rolled you back over again, giving you a quick smile before delving back between your thighs. He was quick to lift your legs over his shoulders, gripping your thighs and mouthing at your clit.

“More,” you begged, grabbing his hair and pulling at the brown locks, eliciting a moan from him. He fucked you with his tongue, his thumb flicking your clit and sending you into your first orgasm.

“Fuck, baby. You taste so good,” Nolan hummed, using his shirt to wipe off his chin. Your cheeks reddened at the sight you’d never get used to.

“How many times do you think you can cum tonight, Y/N?” He asked, his middle finger entering you.

You hummed, holding onto his wrist as he fingered you.

“Answer my question,” he demanded, sending butterflies swarming in your stomach.

“F-Four,” you stuttered, and he smirked, adding a second finger and crooking them against your g-spot. You writhed on the bed, mouth hung open in an ‘o’ shape as he pumped his finger in and out of you, his thumb brushing your clit occasionally.

“You really think only four?” He chuckled, one hand now holding your hips down, his eyes focused on your pussy and what his hands were doing to you. “I bet I could get five.”

You moaned at his statement, trying to push your hips up, but failing as he held you down. It wasn’t long before the familiar warmth grew in your stomach, the sounds coming from your lips only urging Nolan to continue, barely even slowing when you released on his fingers. It was only when you began to squirm under his touch that he pulled his fingers out, wiping the excess on his pants.

He unbuttoned his dress shirt throwing it somewhere onto the floor to join your discarded clothing. Nolan laid down on his back, pulling you over his hips, his hard-on visible through the slacks he had on, pushing up against your core.

You raised up on your knees and undid the belt and button of his pants, sliding them, along with his boxer briefs off. Nolan kicked them off his ankles, before grabbing your hips and slamming you down on his cock, the two of you crying out together in pleasure.

“Ride me, baby girl,” he ordered and you rocked your hips against his, bouncing a few times, but it clearly wasn’t enough for Nolan. He began thrusting himself into you, his hands digging into your hips hard as he fucked you. It wouldn’t surprise you if tomorrow you’d find bruises where his fingertips had been.

Nolan’s hand trailed from your hip, up to your rib, stopping to tease your breast, thumbing over your nipple until you were whimpering, before finally coming to stop at the base of your throat. You slowed down for a second to register what was happening, but with one look from Nolan, you knew exactly what he wanted. His hand tightened around your neck and you leaned into it, letting him take control.

“Cum,” he growled, his lips turning upwards into a smile at your choked moan as you came on his cock.

He let go of your throat, checking in with you quickly. “Green,” you said. He didn’t give you long to recover, pushing you face down onto the bed, his hand gripping at your shoulders as he entered you again.

“Scream baby. Want the neighbors to hear you,” he spoke, using your shoulders for leverage as he slammed into you repeatedly.

“Oh my god,” you groaned.

“Who’s fucking you?” he asked.

“Nolan,” you moaned, your breath hitching when he thrust into you harder.

“Who?”

“Daddy!” you cried.

“Good girl,” Nolan grinned and pulled out of you. “On your back,” he grunted, roughly helping you flip over. You were starting to get tired, but nowhere near your end, still willing to be there for him. You could tell the anger was beginning to fade, but he was still in his role, not ready to give it up yet.

He slammed back into you and you arched up, screaming out his name as he pounded into you. His hand rested around your throat once more and you swallowed hard, catching his eye and nodding, a silent message that meant he could do it. His grip tightened, just slightly again at first, enough for you to feel it but not enough to hurt. You moaned, closing your eyes tightly.

Gradually, he tightened his hold around your throat. The harder he fucked you, the harder his grip became, much tighter than the first time. You watched the pleasure on his face as he chased his high but you realized he was no longer paying attention, or caring how hard he was choking you.

It was getting to be too much, your airway being cut off and the feeling of his fingers squeezing against your skin starting to cause pain. “Yellow,” you rasped, grabbing his arm to try to get him to back off. The pressure on your throat immediately faded and Nolan tore his hand away, his movements stilling as he met your eyes.

“Fuck. Y/N, are you okay?” He asked, cupping your cheek with one hand as he held himself up with the other. “Shit. I’m so sorry. You okay?” he questioned again.

You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “I’m okay,” you assured. “Keep going, please?”

Nolan kissed your forehead gently, his thumb caressing your cheek. “Are you sure? We can stop, baby, it’s okay.”

“I know. I want to. Want you to cum with me, okay?”

“Fuck. Yeah. Okay,” he nodded, his hips snapping to meet yours again. He leaned down, kissing your jaw. It was slow, no longer rough but still hard enough to bring you both to the edge and falling over it, cumming together. It was closer to making love than letting him fuck his anger out with you. Nolan spoke a few apologies in your ear, you assuring him again that you were okay as you carded your fingers through his hair and you both fell out of your roles.

You were still hurting though and Nolan could tell. He carefully lifted you from the bed, carrying you down to his bathroom and starting a hot bath. He helped you get cleaned up, trying not to stare at the redness that was present on your neck.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he said once more and you frowned, leaning over the edge of the tub to kiss him.

“I’m okay, Nols. Are you?”

He nodded, taking a deep breath. “I feel better. Thank you.” He kissed your forehead, dipping his hand into the water and gently splashing it onto your back. “I love you. I needed that.”

“I know you did,” you giggled.

“You promise you’re okay?”

“Tired. But you didn’t hurt me, I promise I’m fine.”

He nodded again, finally taking your word. “Ready for bed?”

“Carry me?” you asked, lifting your arms up to him which made him chuckle. He helped you out of the bath, wrapping a towel around you as he sat you on the counter. He dried you off, being extra careful when it came to your hips and your neck, gently patting those areas dry.

You fell asleep quickly, underneath the warm sheets, and curled up against Nolan’s torso, your head on his chest with his fingers gently rubbing your back, the sound of his heartbeat a soothing lullaby in your ear.

--

Nolan’s stomach sank the next morning. He woke up before you did, his smile wide when you were still in the same position you had fallen asleep in, but his eyes drifted to your neck; the red spot that was there last night had now turned into a reddish-purple bruise and he couldn’t take his eyes off of it. He had done that to you. He hurt you.

He felt like he was going to throw up as panic set in, wondering how on earth he was going to make it up to you, how he was going to prove that he never meant to hurt you and that he would never hurt you. It was one thing for you to have bruises on your hips or thighs, but this was your neck, a place that everybody was going to see and those bruises were there because he got too carried away last night.

He slipped out of bed quietly, thankful that his movements hadn’t woken you up. It was still early and he knew you needed the sleep. It wasn’t worth it to wake you up, so instead, he left a note on the nightstand, dressing comfortably before leaving his apartment, skipping breakfast entirely as he drove to the nearest drugstore.

Nolan got a few stares as he stood in the makeup section, reading off labels and trying to decide which brand was the best brand when to him they all looked the same. He’d watched you do your makeup hundreds of times but none of this stuff looked like the same things you had.

Nolan settled on two different types of foundations that were two different brands, three concealers, a container of setting powder and a foundation that was in powder form and not liquid form like the other two. He also found a color correcting concealer, throwing that into his basket as well.

He chose to go through the self-checkout lane, still panicky from this morning and wanting to avoid any looks from one of the checkout ladies. They were older and he was sure they didn’t know who he was, but he didn’t want to draw attention to himself in case they did know.

He really hoped to still find you asleep when he got home, but when the smell of coffee filled his nose as he stepped into the apartment, he knew you were awake and moving. “Baby?” he called, footsteps soft on the wood floor, the plastic bag rustling as he walked.

He found you in the bathroom wearing one of his shirts, stood in front of the mirror. He frowned, a sigh escaping his lips. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know I would never hurt you.”

“I know, Nolan. You didn’t hurt me.”

“But, I did. Fuck. You-You had to tell me to slow down, you’ve never had to do that before,” he worried, setting the bag on the bathroom counter.

“But you didn’t hurt me,” you reassured, resting your hands against his chest. “You backed off when I told you to. And you made sure that I was okay. If you had done something seriously wrong, you know I’d tell you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just… I love you so much and I didn’t mean to take it that far last night. Just with everything going on and I kept it all bottled up, I-I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, love. But I’m okay. Promise.” You kissed his cheek softly, letting him pull you into a tight hug and hold you for a little while. “What’s in the bag?” you spoke up, turning your head to look at him.

Nolan chuckled, pulling out the different makeup items he had bought. “Just in case you needed something to cover it up with. I didn’t really know what to get, so I got a few different brands and different types of products, hopefully, it works.”

You laughed, kissing him quickly. “Thank you, baby.”

“I can make breakfast. Any requests?”

You hummed, “Pancakes?”

“Comin’ right up.”

“Can we have breakfast in bed?”

“Of course. You finish up what you need to do in here and I will be right up with pancakes.” Nolan pulled you into another hug, resting his cheek on your shoulder, his lips gliding along your neck and jaw, making you giggle at the soft and tickling feeling.

“Hey Nol!” you called after him as he left, peeking your head out the bathroom door and catching him before he made it to the kitchen.

Nolan turned to you with a smile. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

His smile widened. “I love you too.”

Tags: @merchantjjreply @blueeyedbesson @obxmxybxnk @thedemonsimpofcamphalfblood @brebear121 @stars-canucks @sidscrosbyy

[trashlie]

Not to be INCREDIBLY ME but because I’m very much on my Stalkyoo BullshitTM I was revisiting our favorite episode 93, because it always gets to me (THE EARBUD SCENE IS INCREDIBLY LOADED, HIS HAND ON THE EARBUD SHE PLACED IN HIS EAR MIRRORING HIS HAND ON HIS COAT WHERE SHE GRIPPED IT, ALWAYS A LINGERING WONDERING TOUCH, THE TEXT TO DIETER AND THE FURROW IN HIS BROW, THE ILLUMMINATION BEHIND HIM SCREAMS) and like lmao clearly CLEARLY the episode is just so good for how it ends but man, I was just struck by this moment again. 

I think it’s an incredibly honest moment - Nol is trying to avoid Shinae, trying to sever the tie, but at every opportunity she comes running after him. He’s admitted to her something also honest, which he acknowledges is a. possibly going overboard the rules of their friendship (she does not verbally agree that he was crossing the line) and b. makes him sound like an asshole. Telling Shinae to invite Kousuke to the party because he wants him to feel out of place does look kind of vindictive and dickish - but Shinae went through with it for the same reason he suggested it: she wanted him to feel out of place, a little bit of payback. 

But this moment is an admission of a truth: that no matter what, Nol struggles not to care. 

Like when she’s late on her second day of work. Like when Kousuke speaks ill of her. Like when she practically demands he stay for her break. Like when she thinks their whole friendship was a lie and meant nothing. 

Nol can’t make himself stop caring. 

And something else that I think is interesting about the composition is that when the characters aren’t facing each other, it makes me think that something is being avoided. In this case, I guess the vulnerability? It’s coming right off Shinae acknowledging that they both were acting like manipulative assholes, so she’s lost in those feelings. And after Nol states that it won’t stop him from caring, she looks over at him. 

The only scene I can think of immediately off the top of my head is in 152, when Dieter and Shinae are talking back to back, having a moment of vulnerability. When Dieter tells Shinae the reason she’s more affected is because she (like he) loves Yeonggi, they both have their backs to each other. 

Maybe I’m reading way more into this than necessary, but I wonder if there’s something about these admissions when turned from one and other, things easier said in the shadows, admissions of truth easier to face when not facing the other, that allows them to slip out so easily.

Because as soon as Nol tells her it won’t stop him from caring, he immediately mentions work and don’t you need to get along so you won’t be late? He makes an honest confession and then immediately tries to get rid of her and it just seems so poignant to me? I guess this kind of framing is something I should pay more attention to as I read - sometimes honesty is easier when not faced directly with each other, and it makes it easier to admit things you otherwise wouldn’t. (He’s also not looking at her when he admits his real reasons for wanting her to invite Kousuke to the party.) 

[0perfectimperfections0]

U.G.L.Y

He stood in front of the door debating whether to knock or not. This was beyond his usual demeanor. The last time he openly apologized to someone -- without it being sarcastic -- was...

Huh.

Lou wrinkled his nose at the realization. Both in mild denial of the fact and in repulse with himself. Well, no time like the present, he supposed. Flexing his free hand once more to get the nerves out, he reached it up to rap on the door. It opened before he could come into contact.

"Lou?" Nolan stopped short as he was about to leave, eyes wide at the blonde. His eyes glanced around to see if anyone was nearby, but it was just Lou.

"I didn't expect you to open the door," Lou muttered lamely under his breath.

"Come again?"

"Uh," he glanced back down at the folded card in his other hand, "here." He held in out quickly before the brunette. Nolan took it quizzically, opening it unbeknownst to Lou as he rambled. "I felt...bad, I guess, for how I kind of...singled you out, y'know, weeks ago. Um...so th-this is hopefully a--a step in the right direction to make things better between us. I-I guess, actually, I meant to just say...sorry," his shoulders slumped a bit and his lips pursed as he looked up at Nolan.

His eyes widened a smidge when he found the doll already reading the card, "O-Oh, I kinda meant for you to read that when I left--"

"Aw, Lou," Nolan beamed and clutched the card to his chest, "You have no idea how touched I am! I really didn't need a car or anything, I've already forgiven you for that. It's all in the past, but oh my doll!" He surprised Lou by enveloping him in a tight hug. "Thank you so much! Did you do this for everyone?"

Lou quirked his mouth, sweeping his gaze to the side, "Uh, yeah, for Mandy and Ox. B-But I'm not sure how well Mandy will take it." Ox wasn't too big a concern. They had a history with each other and the bunny already knew most of Lou's story. It wouldn't take too much time to explain what led to the blonde lashing out that night. Mandy would be difficult to assuage given she, unfortunately, only saw the worst of him. As did everyone else. Lou was honestly surprised Nolan had warmed up to him so quickly.

"I'm sure she'll forgive you if she hasn't already," Nolan had let Lou free of his overwhelming hug and resorted back to holding the card close to his chest. "Why wouldn't she?"

The question had been intended as rhetorical, but Lou's mind had already conjured over a dozen reasons why Mandy would shred to card right in front of him. Nonetheless, the innocent smile on Nolan's face sparked a little bit of hope in Lou that his efforts wouldn't be in vain. Regardless of what Mandy did, at least Nolan was his friend now.

Lou chuckled, patting the brunette on the head, "Thanks, Nol." He let out a long, dramatic sigh as he reached in his coat pocket and pulled out the next card. "I guess I'll get it over with."

"I can come with you if you want," Nolan shut his front door and stepped onto the sidewalk with Lou.

The doll was honestly too pure for his own good. "Thanks, I'd appreciate it--say, were you headed somewhere?"

"I saw someone standing in front of my door for like, ten minutes straight, so I thought I'd check to see who it was."

Lou reddened a bit, chuckling nervously, "Was I really out there that long?" The brunette laughed. Lou noticed Nolan still had the card close to him, "Are you gonna hold onto that all day?"

"Duh, of course," Nolan smiled wide and held the card out to admire it. "This is the sweetest thing anyone's done for me! I'm gonna cherish it while it lasts."

Lou slowed his pace a bit, eyeing Nolan. The other noticed him slowing down and looked back curiously. "How did you get stuck with all these dolls here? Myself included," the question sounded genuine. "I mean, even the nicest doll has a bad side. How are you so...you?" Lou smiled at the failed attempt to place the right adjective at the end. "This institute really doesn't deserve you, Nolan. I don't deserve you."

The brunette, once again, surprised Lou by wrapping his arms around his neck in a hug. "We're all made differently, right? I guess I just want to be what you need me to be. A friend."

This time, Lou was able to subdue that voice in the back of his mind that kept him from embracing the doll the first time he'd been hugged. That voice warned him not to get too close lest he end up heartbroken and alone again.

Despite that fear of abandonment, he wrapped his arms around Nolan as well, burying his face in the crook of the doll's neck. Nolan felt Lou's body tense from trying to hold back tears and he hugged him tighter. The card in Nolan's hand fell open a tad and he smiled again as he read the contents:

"This card is a lot smaller than the amount of guilt I have for treating you the way I did. You're not ugly, Nolan. You're special. And I mean that in a good way. Your eyes are amazingly unique. Your head is just the right size for that smart brain of yours. Your freckles are the most adorable thing I've seen. I didn't realize a doll could pull off something like that, but you do.

"You're not ugly, Nolan. And if anyone tells you otherwise, tell them to talk to me and remember this:

"U Gotta Love Yourself."