#I MISS THEIR STUPID MOMENTS AND THE WAYS THAT EVEN WHEN NOL IS TRYING TO AVOID HER HE STILL ADMITS

[trashlie]

Not to be INCREDIBLY ME but because I’m very much on my Stalkyoo BullshitTM I was revisiting our favorite episode 93, because it always gets to me (THE EARBUD SCENE IS INCREDIBLY LOADED, HIS HAND ON THE EARBUD SHE PLACED IN HIS EAR MIRRORING HIS HAND ON HIS COAT WHERE SHE GRIPPED IT, ALWAYS A LINGERING WONDERING TOUCH, THE TEXT TO DIETER AND THE FURROW IN HIS BROW, THE ILLUMMINATION BEHIND HIM SCREAMS) and like lmao clearly CLEARLY the episode is just so good for how it ends but man, I was just struck by this moment again. 

I think it’s an incredibly honest moment - Nol is trying to avoid Shinae, trying to sever the tie, but at every opportunity she comes running after him. He’s admitted to her something also honest, which he acknowledges is a. possibly going overboard the rules of their friendship (she does not verbally agree that he was crossing the line) and b. makes him sound like an asshole. Telling Shinae to invite Kousuke to the party because he wants him to feel out of place does look kind of vindictive and dickish - but Shinae went through with it for the same reason he suggested it: she wanted him to feel out of place, a little bit of payback. 

But this moment is an admission of a truth: that no matter what, Nol struggles not to care. 

Like when she’s late on her second day of work. Like when Kousuke speaks ill of her. Like when she practically demands he stay for her break. Like when she thinks their whole friendship was a lie and meant nothing. 

Nol can’t make himself stop caring. 

And something else that I think is interesting about the composition is that when the characters aren’t facing each other, it makes me think that something is being avoided. In this case, I guess the vulnerability? It’s coming right off Shinae acknowledging that they both were acting like manipulative assholes, so she’s lost in those feelings. And after Nol states that it won’t stop him from caring, she looks over at him. 

The only scene I can think of immediately off the top of my head is in 152, when Dieter and Shinae are talking back to back, having a moment of vulnerability. When Dieter tells Shinae the reason she’s more affected is because she (like he) loves Yeonggi, they both have their backs to each other. 

Maybe I’m reading way more into this than necessary, but I wonder if there’s something about these admissions when turned from one and other, things easier said in the shadows, admissions of truth easier to face when not facing the other, that allows them to slip out so easily.

Because as soon as Nol tells her it won’t stop him from caring, he immediately mentions work and don’t you need to get along so you won’t be late? He makes an honest confession and then immediately tries to get rid of her and it just seems so poignant to me? I guess this kind of framing is something I should pay more attention to as I read - sometimes honesty is easier when not faced directly with each other, and it makes it easier to admit things you otherwise wouldn’t. (He’s also not looking at her when he admits his real reasons for wanting her to invite Kousuke to the party.) 

[highfivesandgoodtimes]

spooning - nolan patrick

****ya girl is back w another patty fic. this might be one of my favorite things I've written so let me know what you think! this is some tooth aching fluff with our favorite stoic boy.***** 

“Did you just throw a spoon at me?”

Okay maybe you were being a little over dramatic. But it was warranted, he said over and over that he would be done in 5 minutes yet, here he was, 45 minutes later, still in front of that damn TV. 

You knew the struggle of dating a hockey player and you were okay with them, most of the time anyways. Nolan was back on the ice this season and while you couldn’t be happier to see your boy back doing what he loves, he was driving you crazy. 

Nolan had this weird thought that he had something to prove to the team, to the fans, to the entire city. After missing a season due to injury, he felt that he had to come back 10x better than he already was. You told him over and over again that it was really unnecessary since the team had faith in him and he was already playing fantastic as usual and he didn't owe those loud mouth reporters shit. Yet, it went in on ear and out the other. He spent extra time at the rink after practice, working on his shot, his speed, his passes, anything and everything he possibly could. 

Which lead to right now. You had barely seen Nolan this week due to games, practices, and you working so tonight was supposed to be one night to spend time together. You were going to cook dinner and Nolan even agreed to help and cook with you. You were honestly pretty excited to spend some time together and actually have a conversation with him that wasn't “good morning” or “good night”. 

Except you were standing in the kitchen, alone, halfway done cooking dinner and Nolan was sitting on the couch watching tapes from the team’s game last season against the Islanders in preparation for this weeks game. You asked multiple times for him to pause it and he promised just 5 more minutes every time. 

So yes, you did throw a spoon at him. 

All you did was shrug when he asked and turned around to go back to cooking. 

“Babe? Did you just throw a spoon at me?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” If he wanted to lie about being done with the game, then you could lie about the spoon. It was obvious he didn’t believe you but you did hear him pause the TV and heard his feet shuffling around the floor. 

You faced the stove and stir the pot you had on the burners when you felt hands slide around your waist and rest on your hips. Nolan shoved his face into your neck and he nuzzled into your skin as he pressed his body flush against yours. 

He mumbled a “baby?” into your neck and you hummed in response. He pulled his head up a bit to rest his chin on your shoulder.

“Why did you throw a spoon at me?”

“Why am I cooking dinner alone?”

The crickets were awfully loud tonight.

“Okay, so it appears I may have forgotten that I promised to help you cook tonight.” He leaned up and starting repeated kisses to your cheek. “I’m sorry honey, I got dishes tonight and dinner tomorrow, I promise.”. You still had yet to answer him. It may have been a bit dramatic but you were kinda hurt, all you wanted was a bit of quality time with him. Nolan continued to kiss your cheeks, your forehead, your chin, and all the way down to your shoulder blade. You still gave him not reaction and focused on the stove in front of you. It wasn't until Nolan rubbed his beard into your neck and started tickling his finger against your side did you crack.

“Stop it, I’m mad at you! Couldn’t you figure that out when I chucked a spoon at your head?” you were half laughing, half trying to put up a serious front. 

“Yeah, the spoon flying at my head kinda gave that away. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to forget. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He pouted at you, sliding his arms back around your waist. He pulled you flush against him once again and starts swaying side to side. 

“Nol, you don’t get it. I really missed you this week, we’ve barely seen each other. I was looking forward to actually spending some time together but noooooo you just had watch more stupid hockey tapes.” you grumbled out that last part and took a rather aggressive jab at the pan with the spatula you were holding. He sat quietly for a moment while still swaying you back and forth slowly. You felt him rub his nose against your neck before he pressed his lips softly against the side of your head for a brief moment. 

“You’re right. I got too caught up in being back and got lost in the hockey hype. I neglected you and our relationship. I’m sorry baby, I’ll try to not let it happen again. If it does, you have my full permission to throw more spoons at him.” he mumbled. You hummed in response, appreciating his words and knowing that he meant them. “Here, let me help.” he grabbed the spatula from your hands and bumped you out of your place in front of the stove with his hip. You stared at him in amusement as he started stiring the dinner in the pan. “Cmon, I got this. go pour some wine and put on your favorite song.” he smiled at your, nodding his head toward the bottle of wine sitting on the kitchen island. You sighed but did as he said anyway. You grabbed two glasses and poured you both some wine. You put on your “chill” playlist, a favorite of both you and Nolan, and made your way back over to the stove.

Placing the glasses on the counter, you wrapped your arms snuggly around his midsection and rested your head against his back. You rested against him for a minute and mumbled a soft “missed you” against his shirt. You watched as he lowed the flame on the stove and spun around to face you. His hands landed at your waist as he tugged you close to him. Your chin was on his chest as you stared up at him. He smiled down at you contently and bent down to press a soft kiss to your lips.

“Hi baby.” he said, pressing another soft kiss to your lips. He always had a way of making you feel like a giddy schoolgirl.

“Hi honey.” you smiled back at him, relishing on finally getting a moment with your boyfriend. He kissed you one last time before pulling away from your hold.

“C’mon you love this song.” He said as he grabbed your hands and pulled you into the middle of the kitchen. He spun you around by the hand and dramatically dipped you into his arms, which always made you laugh. Before long, the two of you were spinning each other around the kitchen, dramatically dipping each other. There’s a chance your attempt to dip Nolan failed majorly and he may have ended up on the floor while you cracked up but that was a story for another time.

The two of spun around the kitchen, smiling, laughing, and just enjoying the time you two had together for a couple songs until Nolan realized dinner needed to be finished. He returned to the stove, stirring food around in the pot, while you perched on the counter with your glass of wine. Nolan told you all about his practice and all the funny things the boys chirped at each other while you caught him up on all of the latest work drama and the conversation you had with his sister a few days before. 

You passed Nolan plates as he placed dinner on them and the two of you headed to the table. Dinner was lovely, the conversation flowing as smooth as always. Smiles were spread across both of your faces as both of you clearly loved having this time to catch up with each other. Nolan smiled extra softly at you as you told him how dinner with your friends went the other night and reached out to hold your hand across the table.

“You know,” he started as you finished your story, “this is all I want in life. I just want me and you, together like this, for the rest of my life.”

“I- you- what?” you stuttered as he caught you off guard. He chuckled at your surprise and kissed your hand.

“Babes, you can’t be surprised by that. We’ve legit talked about marriage and kids, why would I not want you for the rest of my life?” he asked you. Well he did have a point, we had talked often about your future together and have recent taken the step to move in together. 

“I don’t know, just caught me by surprise. It’s always nice to hear though, I want you forever too Nols. You’re it for me.” you said as you leaned over the table to kiss him.

“Thanks baby, you’re it for me too.” he replied back to you in his typical deep voice. He lifted the back the your hand that he was holding up to his lips, kissing it gently. Then, in true Nolan fashion, he casually changed the conversation to a story about the boys messing around and almost getting in trouble this morning after practice. 

The two of you ended the night by migrating to your bed, opting for a movie and some comfy clothes. You laid with your head on his shoulder and you two watched the next couple episodes of the newest show you had been binging. You rolled closer to him, resting your head in the curve of his neck and wrapping your arms around his shirtless torso. His hand fell into your hair and your eyes fell shut at the calming feeling. You felt yourself start to doze off but not before you felt Nolan pull you closer and press a kiss to the top of your hair. He mumbled a soft “love you” as you fell asleep, thankful that you decided to throw a spoon at him.

[kacychase]

As I  quickly  scramble  through  my  backpack,  I  ask  myself  what  the  heck  I'm  doing.  Going  out  with  Min-Hyuk  for  a  pikamon-chase? With  their  app?  In  real-life?

AT  NIGHT?

This  must  be  a  joke.

"Yo,  Shin-Ae,  you  ready?"

Even though  I'm  doubting  this,  I  immediately  act  confident:  "You   bet  boi!"  With  hearing  these  words,  he  grins  at  me.  "Alright. We'll  destroy  the  others'  arenas  and  get  dem  Wizardcarps  to   finally  get  the  350  tokens  for  you!"

All  of  a  sudden,  I feel  energetic.  With  the  summer  nights,  I  finally  got  myself   more  time  after  having  dealt  with  this  year  of  high  school.

"My Giantboss  will  be  better  than  yours."  "Tch,  sure  it  will",   Min-Hyuk  winks  at  me.  Getting  cocky,  huh??  "Oh,  just  you   watch."

And  he  did,  after  I  had  caught  my  last  pikamon  necessary  in  an  alleyway.

"YO BOI",  I  exclaim,  "I  GOT  IT!"  Honestly,  I  wouldn't  have   thought  that  I  would  be  that  much  into  the  game  once  we  have  started  the  nightly  raid.  We  should  definitely  do  this  more   often.  “Girl,  this  better  be  better  than  my  pika  right   there!”,  Min-Hyuk  shouts  in  excitement,  well  aware  that  this   will  be  a  big  change  for  all  the  pikamons  I  gathered.   Sometimes,  I  really  appreciate  how  supportive  he  is,  and  I  see  it  then  and  there  again.  “Let’s  do  this”,  I  mutter   absently,  completely  absorbed  with  evolving  my  Wizardcarp.  And   as  I  finally  send  out  my  last,  and  click  on  the  evolve   button,  I  suddenly  see  a  message  pop  up.

And  as  I  see   the  name  of  the  sender,  my  stomach  drops.  “Min-Hyuk?”   Suddenly,  my  happiness  about  that  new  pikamon  in  my  deck  is   not  as  overwhelming  as  I  have  thought  just  seconds  ago.   Looking  up  at  Min-Hyuk,  I  already  see  his  worrying  gaze   fixated  on  me.  “Do  you  want  to?”  I  just  stare  back.  To  be   honest,  I’m  just  overwhelmed  with  this  situation.

The  breath  I  let  out  is  shaky  too.

Yeong-Gi/Nol:  Can  we  meet  up  soon?

For a  minute,  I  just  look  back,  trying  to  calm  down.  It’s  been  a  while  since  we  even  talked  or  chatted  at  all.  After  he  said  that  he  would  want  to  avoid  me,  I  was  left  betrayed.   Luckily,  Min-Hyuk  came  over  for  a  visit  then.  This  dude  saved my  ass  several  times  now.  Hearing  Min-Hyuk’s  understanding   words  -  that  it’s  fine  if  not,  that  he  can  come  with,  that   he’s  always  going  to  be  there  if  I’d  need  anyone  -  I  just   type  a  response.

Shin-Ae:  Where?

As  he   responds,  my  heart  sinks.  Somehow,  the  vibe  I  just  received   from  his  messages  makes  my  throat  close  up.  “Lemme  get  you   there.  It’s  dark  and  I  don’t  want  you  to  be  alone.”

I   just  let  out  a  quick  thanks  before  hugging  the  best  friend  I could  have.  Then,  we  both  get  going  to  WacDonald’s.

Throughout the  journey,  Min-Hyuk  has  put  an  arm  around  me  and  casually   plays  pikamon  jog  as  if  there  was  nothing  to  face  for  me.  Of  course,  I  get  it  -  he  doesn’t  want  to  butt  in  or  bother   me  too  much,  and  it  kind  of  calms  me  that  he  doesn’t  make   it  too  big  of  a  deal.  “Don’t  expect  that  I  won’t  smack  this guy’s  ass  for  hurting  you  though.  I  mean,  he  kinda  was  your crush.”  “Say  that  again  and  I  will  whoop  yours”,  I  quickly   growl,  but  I  know  that  he  has  a  point.  “That  dude  was   hurting  you  girl.  Like,  I  respect  your  decision  but  honestly,   that  dude’s  a  jerk  for  pulling  that  at  least”,  he  quickly   elaborates  and  I  notice  that  he’s  trying  to  really  understand   my  point  of  view.  I  let  out  a  sigh.

“I  know.  I’ll  deal with  it.  I  trust  you  to  be  around  this  time  though!”  “You   can  count  on  it”,  he  responds,  reply  as  ready  as  a  pistol   shot.

“Alright.”

We  go  through  the  usual  way  to  the   fried  chicken  and  burger  joint  I  used  to  work  at.  Usually,  I would  think  of  my  manager  that  really  helped  me  figure  out   what  to  do  during  the  hard  time  I  had  with  working,  school   and  my  friends.  But  now,  I  can’t  help  but  feel  extremely   nervous.  “Should  I  stay  with  you  when  you  talk?”

In  the   last  few  months,  I  have  experienced  what  it’s  like  to  be   insecure  and  unsure.  But  I  really,  really  hate  that  feeling   still.  “No.  It’s  fine,  and  I  think  we  need  to  discuss  things together.”  “Alright.  I’ll  get  ourselves  stuff  from  Wac  then.”   “What  the  heck.  This  late?”  “Absolutely.  What  do  you  want?  On me!”,  he  chirps  with  a  smile,  already  awaiting  his  meal.  “...  A  Bigwac  menue  please.  With  chicken.”  “‘kay.  Text  me  if  you guys  are  do-”

His  gaze  is  stuck  on  something  behind  me. When  I  turn  around,  I  realize  that  his  brown  eyes  were  stuck  on  someone  instead.  “Hey.”

Yeong-Gi  seems  to  be  just  as overwhelmed  as  I  am.  “Hi”,  I  just  reply  and  I  hear  Min-Hyuk saying  confidently:  “Alright,  be  right  back.  You  better  not   hurt  her  again.”  Seeing  him  throw  a  dark  glance  at  the   redhead,  said  redhead  just  looks  at  him  apologetically.  “See   you.”  he  gives  me  a  last  look  -  one  that  makes  me  feel   protected  and  loved  -  and  goes  away.

And  leaves  me  alone  with  Yeong-Gi.

"What did  you  want  to  talk  about?",  I  quickly  cut  to  the  chase.   After  what  he  has  done  to  cut  out  our  friendship,  I  don’t   want  to  create  further  unpleasantries  for  either  of  us.

His hair  is  dishelved  and  his  pants  and  white  t-shirt  look   hastily  put  on.  But  his  look  shows  me  so  much  sternness,   regret,  and  assuredness,  as  if  he's  been  thinking  long  and   hard  about  what  he's  about  to  do.

Man.  I  hate  how  my   heartbeat  betrays  me  in  these  moments.  "I  wanted  to  check  if   you're  doing okay",  Yeong-Gi  replies  equally  serious,  having  my   eyebrows  furrow  and  my  jaw  drop  slightly.

"Dude  wtf?  You   said  just  two  weeks  ago  that  you  don't  wanna  talk  anymore.   And  now  you  come  back,  asking  me  if  I'm  okay?",  I  just   retort.  I  just  hope  that  I  don't  sound  too  hysterical  but   sometimes,  reality  teaches  me  not  to  dream.

But  just  as   before,  he  just  stares  at  me  and  takes  a  few  steps  towards   me.  “Yeah.  I  know  I  made  myself  clear-”  All  of  a  sudden,   hurt  flashes  in  his  eyes.  It’s  short  but  I  see  it.  All  this time,  I  really  have  tried  figuring  this  young  man  in  front   of  me  out  but…  He’s  been  making  it  really  hard  and  knows  how  to  avoid  me  constantly,  even  after  I  called  him  out.

This makes  me  feel  more  unusual  with  all  that  heartbeat  going  on, so  I  just  reciprocate  his  stare  into  my  eyes  as  he  speaks.   “But  I  just  can’t  seem  to  forget  what  we’ve  been  through   together  and…  Ugh,  whatever.”  His  unstable  grin  on  his  face,   his  closed  eyes…  He  really  doesn’t  like  talking  about  his   feelings,  does  he?  “Yeong-Gi?”,  I  quickly  snap  him  back  to   reality  as  I  step  closer.  “What’s  up?”  His  eyes,  this  time   more  confused.

Why  am  I  like  this  with  him?  “It’s  just…  I  would  feel  bad  not  being  around  you,  you  know?  I  wanna  make  sure  you’re  alright  after  stuff  that  has  happened.”  His   direct  stare  at  me  shows  me  honesty  that  leaves  me  shaking.  I  knew  that  I  wouldn’t  ever  deserve  him  as  a  friend  -  let   alone  someone  I’d  care  more  about.

That  aside,  I’m  not  into  relationships  anyway.

“I-” As  he  takes  a  step  close,  I  suddenly  realize  the  closeness   our  bodies  have,  and  I  wish  I  could  treat  it  with  as  much   ease  as  I  used  to.  But  now,  I  just  smell  his  amazing  scent, see  his  stupid  brick  body  and  his  damn  beautiful  face.  And   I’m  angry  at  myself  for  being  so  affected  by  it.

“I   wanted  to  tell  you  some  things  before  I  might  be  gone,  too”, he  just  says  with  a  smile  that  looks  sad  and  regretful.

Wait.  Leave?  Did  he  want  to  get  rid  of  me  before  leaving  so  that  it  won’t…  hurt  as  much?

It  would  be  something  he’d  do.

It  would  certainly  be  something  I’d  do.

“Like  what?”

I remember  that  he  rarely  talked  about  his  future.  College,   work,  et  cetera  were  really  never  things  the  two  of  us  would discuss  together.  What  other  secrets  is  he  keeping  from  me.   His  hesitant  face  tells  tales.  “Yeong-Gi.  I  know  that  you   don’t  like  sharing.  But  don’t  you  think  that  after…  well,   everything  that  happened,  you  can’t  tell  me  what’s  troubling   you?  I  know  you  didn’t  like  when  I  testified  to  you  with  Yu Jing-”  And  indeed,  I  find  him  furrowing  his  eyebrows  for  a   millisecond.  “But  I…  You  know,  I  wanted  to  help  you.  And  I   can’t  say  I  don’t  care  anymore”,  I  just  tell  him  straight   away,  adding  “so  pull  that  crap  again  and  I’ll  whoop  your   butt!”  That  stuff  gets  him  to  snort  and  smirk  a  little.  For   some  reason,  it  relieves  me  enough  to  know  that  this  is  the   Yeong-Gi  I  know  and  I  can  at  least  sense  that  something  is   up.

“I  know.”  Raising  an  eyebrow,  I  patiently  wait  for   him  to  continue,  however  not  forgetting  what  he  said  two  weeks  ago.  “I  will  go  overseas  for  a  place  to  study.  I’m  sorry  I  haven’t  told  you.”  As  he  looks  down  at  our  feet,  I  just   can’t  help  but  think  that  there’s  something  el-  “And  I   think”,  he  takes  in  a  deep  breath  and  to  my  shock,  I  see  a reddish  blush  appear  on  his  cheeks.  “I-”  For  some  reason,  he looks  away  and  I  just  say:  “Come  on,  spit  it  out!”

Immediately picking  up  eye  contact  again,  he  says  “Alright.”  His  hair  is lighted  halfway  from  the  lamp  post  we’re  standing  next  to,   his  eyes  intense  when  he  says:  “I  think  I  have  feelings  for   you.”

And  with  that,  my  brain  has  stopped  functioning  and I  now  lower  my  gaze  down  to  our  shoes.  Keep  it  together,   Shin-Ae.  Don’t  think  about  how  his  feet  could  stomp  yours   twice.  What  a  sasquatch.  “So  after  all  this  time…  I  have  even  told  you  that  you  have  a  girlf-”,  I  start  to  ramble  but   he  cuts  me  off,  gaze  ever  so  stern:  “Alyssa  and  I  broke  up.”

Wam.

You know  this  feeling,  when  everything  suddenly  drops  on  you?  Why didn’t  he  tell  me  all  of  this  earlier,  or  in  portions?  Why   can’t  I  trust  him  with  things?  And  why  do  I  still  feel  like this  with  him??  “Nol?”  “Yeah?”

All  of  a  sudden,  I   realize  how  upset  I  am  -  I’m  shivering  and  everything  inside   me  blazes  with  anger.  “So  what  you’ve  done  two  weeks  ago,   ignoring  me,  was  just  to  come  and  tell  me  all  of  this?!  Out of  nowehere?!”,  I  say,  not  giving  a  crap  about  his  reaction   and  his  face  looks  equally  responsive.  “I  really  tried  keeping my  word  okay?!  I  really  just  wanted  to  leave  and  not  have   you  miss  me!”,  he  suddenly  replies,  also  raising  his  voice   until  he  abruptly  silences  himself.  “But  I  couldn’t,  okay?  I   couldn’t.  I  wanted  to  see  if  you  were  okay.”

All  of  a   sudden,  my  heart  strings  seem  to  be  pulled  and  I  want  nothing  more  than  to  kiss  this  guy.  What  the  heck  is  going  on  with  me?  Why  am  I  this  emotional  right  now?  “Who  do  you  do  this  for,  Yeong-Gi?  For  me,  or  for  you?”

As  look  closely,  I realize  that  this  time,  I  can  see  freckles  on  his  face   including  one  or  the  other  scar.  Why  the  heck  is  he  so   handsome?  His  facial  features  are  partly  lighted  by  that  lamp   post,  and  I  see  his  gaze  carefully  calculating  me  as  I  step   towards  him,  even  closer.  But  he  doesn’t  step  back.  Looking   closely,  I  even  see  him  shiver  slightly.

Is  this  that  difficult  for  him?

A long  pause  is  lying  upon  the  two  of  us,  but  I  start  to   get  worried  and  try  to  step  back.  Suddenly,  however,  I  feel  a  hand  of  his  grabbing  my  arm.  Man  is  he  strong,  and  as  I   notice  that,  I  can’t  help  but  quickly  scan  his  quite  toned   body.  “Wait.”  His  distant  murmur  sounds  more  like  a  plea  than anything,  and  I  immediately  freeze  in  place.

“I’m  doing   this  for  both  of  us.”  With  that,  he  closes  the  distance   again,  surprising  me.  Looking  at  each  other,  I  feel  his   breath  fanning  on  my  face.  Goodness,  are  we  close,  and  my   heart  beats  fast.  “Both?”  I  look  at  his  lips.  They  look   incredibly  soft…  What  it  would  be  like  to-

But  I  have  no  way  to  think  about  it  much,  since  he  tells  me:  “Maybe  I   just  need  this,  Shin-Ae.  Please  tell  me  to  stop  if  I  should.”  I  should  say  something.  Really  should.  But  I  don’t  say   anything,  and  as  his  lips  meet  mine,  for  a  small  peck  first. As  we  meet  again,  the  kiss  is  far  sweeter  than  I  would’ve   thought.  Wow.

Yeong-Gi  is  a  pretty  good  kisser.

(Extra  scene)

Nol  POV:

As I  walk  home,  I  quickly  call  Soushi,  my  buddy  in  emergency   situations.  “And,  how  did  the  talk  with  Shin-Ae  go?!”,  his   voice  hastily  becomes  audible.  “Pretty  good…  I…  guess…”,  I  just  murmur,  not  knowing  what  the  heck  to  do  with  this  kiss,   especially  since  I’d  leave  soon.  Why  the  heck  did  I  do   that?!

“Also…  Did  that  kiss  tutorial  video  help?”

“Shut  up!”,  I  just  reply,  not  believing  that  Soushi  has  actually  given  him  that  video.

But  to  be  honest,  it  was  pretty  good  advice.

[raysofcrosby]

WHEN YOU’RE READY

𝘨𝘪𝘧 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 (𝘹)

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥: yes | no

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴): angry nolan, bad words and mentions of std’s

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 4,901

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: so i’m not a huge health expert, so there’s a good 90% chance that the way the appointment in this goes, isn’t factual. so please don’t attack me lmao. tbh this idea came to me while i was cleaning out our garage??? like i think this is gonna be a multi-part imagine??? safe sex is important everybody!!!! even if you’re on bc, condoms are important so please be safe!!!! ok enough rambling, bye!

“Chlamydia! The stupid asshole has Chlamydia!” You screamed, pacing back and forth as you waved the piece of paper in front of your best friend, Nolan's face. “He has Chlamydia and he wasn’t even going to tell me!”

“Well, do uh...have you er—“ Nolan asked, the tips of his ears turning red as he scratched at his neck.

You stopped and stood directly in front of him, the piece of paper feeling like it was on fire as you held it in your hand. “What?”

“Have you...” His eyes shifted from the paper to you and then back to the paper. “You know...”

Now it was your turn to turn red from embarrassment as his eyes stayed glued to the piece of paper. You and Nolan have been best friends since you were kids, sharing all the awkward moments that growing up with an opposite-sex best friend had to offer. He was (unfortunately) there for your first period, your parents gave you joint sex talks after they walked in on the two of you sharing a quick, experimental kiss when you were 10 (which also marked the end of your joint sleepovers) you knew each other’s, body counts— there was nothing in this world that could make you feel embarrassed in front of him...or so you thought. Because him asking you whether or not you have an STD was brand new territory and you didn’t like it.

“No,” You stared back down at the piece of paper, looking for the date. “But the results say he came in Tuesday last week and we haven’t had sex—“

“Nope, stop right there.” He held up his hand and got up off of the couch, walking towards the kitchen and grabbing his keys off the counter. “I guess our parents duel birds and bees talk didn’t scare you as much as it did me, because if it did— you’d be more aware of STD’s and getting tested.”

“Oh trust me, I was scared the moment your mom brought out the fresh produce.” You replied, cringing at the memory of your parents teaching you about condoms. “But we haven’t had sex in—“

“Doesn’t matter Y/N! Who’s to say he hasn’t had....” He paused as the elevator doors closed behind you. He couldn’t even bring himself to say the word— and you were thankful for it. “What I’m trying to say is, guys are idiots. He could have had all the signs and ignored them and not realized something was wrong until too late and that’s why he got tested.”

When the elevator doors opened again, he walked ahead of you and you followed behind like a puppy. “What you need to be focused about, besides getting tested, is why the hell he’s had these results for almost two weeks and hasn’t told you.”

“Oh trust me, I’m giving him an ear full the next time I see his sneaky ass.” You mumble, getting into Nolan’s car and putting on your seatbelt.

He didn’t say another word as he left the parking garage to his apartment building and began driving down the road. You were equally as calm as you were embarrassed right now, and you had Nolan to thank for it. He’s been your rock since you were kids, even taking you under his wing the moment that you decided to move to Philly last year, for a job opportunity that you couldn’t refuse and one that your parents didn’t understand. He and his teammate, Travis let you stay with them rent free until you could save up some money and find a place. But instead of finding a place, you found Preston.

Nolan was supportive of course, but his unease about just how soon you and Preston moved in together was not something he ever shied away from. The two of you even got into a huge argument about it the night before you moved in with Preston. The worst argument you’ve ever had, one that had you thinking that you’d probably never talk to one another again. But the next morning, Nolan had an edible arrangement sent to your desk with an apology and everything’s been well ever since. He’s always been supportive of you, no matter what you’ve done— and now is no different.

“Um Nol, this isn’t the way to my doctor's office.”

“That’s because we’re not going to a doctors office. You need results quicker than what a doctor’s office an offer. Not three days, not next week, now.” He pulled off the road and into the parking lot of a small clinic. “So, you’re doing a walk-in and getting your results the same day.”

“Do I even want to know how you know where a walk-in clinic is?” You asked, your eyebrows raised. It was hard to imagine that he’d ever had to come here for testing— oh God, what if he’s come here for another reason?

Nolan laughed, shaking his head as he opened his car door. “Never for me. Travis has made a visit or two after some...interesting encounters.”

You let out the breath you hadn’t even known you’d been holding and got out of the car. “I was about to say, I’m way too young to be a Godmother, Nolan.”

He mumbled something before getting out of the car. It was low, but it sounded like he said “you don’t have to worry about that,” but then again, this mumbling was a lot lower than his normal incoherent mumbling. So you probably misheard him. You shook it off and got out of the car, following Nolan into the small clinic. You didn't know what you were expecting. Any time you've ever gotten blood work or any kind of medical test done– it was at your own doctor's office.

There were four other people sitting in the waiting room, and you couldn't help but wonder what they were here for. Or if just by simply looking at you, they knew that your scumbag of a boyfriend had possibly given you chlamydia. "Here."

You shook yourself out of your thoughts to find Nolan shoving a clipboard into your chest. "What is this?"

"You were off in Y/N-land, so I got your paperwork. Just fill it out and then hand it off. She said a doctor should be with you shortly." He walked towards two chairs in the corner and sat down, patting the one next to him.

Your legs felt like jello as you followed suit and sat down. Picking up the pen that was connected to the clipboard, your eyes skimmed the paper. It was asking for basic facts like your name, age, insurance provider, and what you were there for– nothing too intimate. Though you knew the nurse or doctor you'd be cared by, would ask them as soon as you walked through that door. You slowly filled out the information before walking back up to the women, giving her a smile as she took the clipboard from you. "Just have a seat and we'll have someone with you in just a moment."

You nodded, turning back and immediately bumping into a little boy, no older than four. "Sorry." He giggled, running past you and over to a woman sitting by the small play area. No sooner than he bumped into her legs, she looked up and gave you a smile before returning back to filling out her paper.

A chill went down your spine as you walked back to Nolan and you could feel your palms begin to sweat. What if Preston had given you Chlamydia? What's the treatment? What if you had something worse? What were you going to tell your parents? Would you tell your parents? Surely Nolan wouldn't rat you out. Oh God, Nolan. He's as recognizable as a mall Santa. There's no way word won't get out that the Nolan Patrick, a Center for the Philadelphia Flyers, was sitting in a walk-in clinic with a nervous looking girl.

You could see the headlines now. 'Has Nolan Patrick knocked up a girl?' 'Tis the season for hockey– and a baby?!' You couldn't even begin to think about the mean tweets and comments on Instagram without feeling the least bit nauseous.

"Hey, you okay?" Nolan whispered, leaning over to you.

Whether it was his voice or the sudden realization of your situation, you got chills down your back and up your arms. "You should leave. I don't want you to get ostracized or something for being seen at a clinic with me."

In true Nolan fashion, he rolled his eyes. "I'm not letting you do this alone."

The door separating the waiting room from the rest of the clinic opened and a middle-aged woman in scrubs stood there with a clipboard in her hand. "Y/N L/N?" It freaked you out the moment her eyes landed directly on you without looking anywhere else in the room.

"Come on, let's go," Nolan said, wrapping his hand around yours and standing up, almost dragging you with him to the back room.

He hadn't let go of your hand the entire walk down the hallway and into a private room, only letting go when the Nurse told you to sit up on the exam table. And even then, he scooted the free chair closer to it in case of any emergent hand holding. "So Miss L/N, you wrote down that you're here for a Chlamydia test, is that correct?"

"Y-Yes ma'am." You replied, playing with your hands as your eyes darted around the room taking in all of the informational posters.

Like a well-oiled machine, she took your blood pressure and temperature, marking them down onto a piece of paper before looking at you again. "Are you having any symptoms?"

You opened your mouth to speak and your throat felt a little dry. You took a small breath and exhaled. "My boyfriend got tested last week and he uh....he has it. So I thought that I'd get tested..."

Her eyes immediately looked at Nolan with raised eyebrows. "Did you just do a Chlamydia test or a full STD screening?"

After her question went unanswered, Nolan looked away from a poster on the wall to see her staring at him. His cheeks immediately went red as his eyes widened. "Oh no. No, no I'm not–" he cleared his throat, giving you an embarrassed look. "I'm not her boyfriend."

"He's my emotional support best friend," You smiled, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "He actually drove me here."

The nurse gave you a smile before turning back to Nolan. "Will you be getting any testing done today, young man? Or just her?"

"Just her."

She nodded and turned back to you with the clipboard in her hands. "Do you want him in the room when I ask these questions? They get a little personal."

"That's okay, I'll just go ahead and excuse my–"

"No!" You held onto his hand tighter, giving him a pleading look. "He stays. Otherwise, I think I might faint."

Nolan squeezed your hand back and leaned into his chair as the Nurse nodded her head. "Okay, so these are just some basic questions. There's no need to be nervous or scared, I'm here to help you figure everything out, okay?"

You gulped and nodded, feeling the nerves surge through your body. "O-Okay."

"Have you or your boyfriend ever had an STD before?"

"I haven't, no," You shook your head, burrowing your eyebrows as you thought about Preston and his sexual history...which you realized you hadn't really known much about. "I don't know about him, though."

"That's okay, no worries." She smiled, scribbling down. "How many people have you had sex with?"

"4, including my boyfriend and he's the only person I've been having sex with for the last 9 months."

"The kind of sex you've had?"

You felt your body begin to heat up at her question. She really wasn't kidding about how personal they got. You were starting to question whether or not you should have had Nolan leave the room. You glanced over at him to see that he was looking at everything except for you, probably trying to make himself seem invisible...but the flush of his cheeks shows that he too was feeling a little embarrassed.

"Um...everything?" You squeaked, feeling your heart hammer at the fact that your best friend now knew that you were no longer untouched in the backdoor apartment. Something that you two never really dwelled on the topic at all, but he still knew that you weren't the biggest fan. Your eyes went back to Nolan and his head was now ducked and staring at the floor.

"So, Vaginal, Oral, Anal–"

"Yes, yes, next question please." 

God, if you're listening...please swallow me up right now.

"How often do you use protection? And is there anything else you do that could increase your chances of getting an STD?" How she was able to keep a stone cold face as she asked these questions, you had no clue. Because between both you and Nolan, you'd think that the two of you were tomatoes.

"Um...maybe like, 50% of the time, I guess? I've got the implant in my arm, but he switches on and off with condoms. And no, nothing that comes to mind."

She scribbled down the information onto the paper and gave you a reassuring smile before placing the clipboard down onto the counter and opening some cabinets. "Now, I know you came here just for the Chlamydia test, but is there any other testing you'd like to get done? Pregnancy? A full STD screening?"

"Um, sure? I guess."

She wrote some more stuff down on the clipboard before walking over towards the door. "Give me a minute and I'll be right back with the doctor, okay?"

She walked out of the room and it was as if she took all of the air with her. The tension between you and Nolan was so heavy, it was suffocating. "So, babies..."

"WHAT?"

He stood up and walked across the room, pointing to an anatomical poster of a baby in the womb. "There's a lot of babies in this room."

You could tell that he was trying his best to relieve the tension, but he was ultimately failing.  "Sorry, you had to sit through that. If I would have known the kind of questions..."

He shrugged his shoulders and stuffed his hands into his hoodie pockets. "S'okay. It was uh..." He rubbed the back of his neck and you could tell he was trying to fight his body from letting his cheeks redden even more. "Educational?"

You burst into laughter as the tears you'd been holding back released themselves. Out of all of the things, Nolan calling the fact that he learned you'd done anal...educational. "I love you," you sniffled, wiping your cheeks as he came and sat down next to you again. "What am I going to do? What if I have it? What if I'm pregnant? What if–"

He covered your mouth and while he had a smile on his face, the calmness in his eyes spoke to you the most. "What you're not going to do is give yourself a panic attack, okay?"

You nodded and he dropped his hand, reaching down and holding yours. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

He looked around the room, his eyes settling on a stack of pamphlets on the counter. He got back up and looked through them, coming back with what looked to be like one from every pile. "We read up on it. So if your results do come back positive, you have the right information and treatment so you won't send yourself into a panic attack."

He sat down and placed the pamphlets down next to him, taking both of your hands in his as you sniffled again. "I'm right here Y/N and I'm not leaving, okay? Whatever happens, you'll have me right here by your side."

He reached up and wiped your cheek, giving you a smile as you nodded. The door opened and the nurse from earlier came back in with the doctor by her side. "Hi Y/N, I'm Dr. Pippen," He smiled, extending his hand to you before turning to Nolan. "And this must be the emotional support best friend."

"Nolan, sir," Nolan replied, shaking his hand.

"Nice game Friday and an even better win," He replied, turning back to look at the paper the Nurse had written on. "So, what we're going to do is a basic STD screening and then a pregnancy test. Have you ever had any of those before?"

"No sir, never."

"Alright, so Chlamydia and Gonorrhea tests can be done through urine samples, so we'll have you pee in a cup and that's how we'll do your pregnancy test as well. Those results you'll be able to receive tomorrow." He flipped the paper over as the nurse prepared the sterile cup and pulled out packaged needles and labeled tubes. "Now, for the rest, we'll be taking small blood samples and those can take another day or two depending on how backed up the lab is."

"What are the rest you're screening for, sir?" Nolan asked, interacting during your appointment for the first time.

"HIV, Syphilis, and Hepatitis B." He looked up from the clipboard and gave you a reassuring smile. "Based on your answers, it's a slim chance that you could have any of those, but it's never a bad thing to be safe, okay?"

You just nodded and looked at Nolan as you heard the Nurse start to prepare to take some blood samples. "Hey, how are we ever supposed to get matching tattoos if you're freaking out over some tiny needles," Nolan whispered, the glint in his eye telling you not to worry.

"Go ahead and clench your fist for me, honey," the nurse said as you felt her tie the rubber band on your arm. "Perfect, now you'll just feel a pinch."

"Do I still get artistic control of our said, matching tattoos?"

"As long as you don't make it frilly and girly, of course." He said, but you knew he was lying based on the fact that he had three flowers on the inside of his bicep– one of his mom and the other two for his sisters.

"I'm going to pick the frilliest and girliest tattoo ever then."

"Okay, now we just need your urine sample and then you're done." The nurse said, turning back and placing the two tubes of blood into a plastic bag. She turned back to you and handed you another plastic bag with your information on it and a plastic, clear cup. "The bathroom is just right across the hall."

You took the materials out of her hand and were amazed at how solid your legs felt for the first time since finding (bf) paper results. Opening the door, you turned back one last time and looked at Nolan who gave you a small smile and a thumbs up. You turned back and left the room, letting the heavy door close behind you before walking into the bathroom.

You've peed in a cup before, sure. To get your job you had to take a drug test and that wasn't nerve wracking. But this, this was a test that would show whether or not you had two sexual diseases or if you were going to be a mother in 9 months time. Undressing from the waist down, you hovered over the toilet and closed your eyes, trying to relax your hand holding the cup from shaking. Unless you wanted to chug a few bottles of water, this was your only chance to get the test done and leave the clinic.

When you were done, you closed the cup and put it in the bag sealing it. As you washed your hands, you looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes were puffy from your short stint at crying, your hair a little bit of a wreck– but otherwise, you looked the same. You didn't look how you had been feeling the last few hours– different, changed... as nothing would ever be the same after finding out that your boyfriend could have potentially given you an STD.

Walking out of the bathroom and back into the private room, you put the cup in a small tub on the counter and the nurse smiled at you. "I'll go ahead and print you off a copy of your test order and then you're free to go, I'll take you back out front."

You followed her down the hall and through the door, back into the waiting room again, Nolan still by your side. We stood at the front, waiting for her to hand you the printout. When she did, You gave her a thankful smile. "We'll call you with the results, have a nice night."

Walking out of the clinic, you'd expected for the sun to be completely set and the nightlife of Philly to be alive. Yet the sun was only beginning to set and traffic was at ease. It was strange because being in that clinic...it felt like you were in there for hours. Where when you looked at the time, it had really only been 45 minutes. You and Nolan had kept quiet as you got into his car and began to pull out of the parking lot. Coming to a stop, he placed his hand on top of yours and looked at you. "What do you want to do?"

What you wanted to do was drive out to an abandoned lot, get out of the car and just scream– to let out your frustrations. And even though you knew Nolan would support it full heartedly, maybe going to an abandoned lot at this time of day wasn't the best idea. So instead, you took a deep breath, squeezed his hand and said, "take me home."

                                                           ––

Nolan was against dropping you off at your apartment and leaving you there to talk to Preston alone but after insisting and then threatening to cut his hair while he slept...he finally left. You didn't want Nolan to be there when you had the talk with him because you were already embarrassed enough at the fact that he had to take you to the clinic to get tested. Having him hear you argue with your boyfriend about how the hell he got Chlamydia and if he was going to tell you, wasn't something you wanted him there for.

The front door to your apartment opened and Preston strolled in, closing it behind him and hanging his keys up on the hook. "Hey babe," He said, sounding relaxed and happy as he made his way over to you in the living room. "Is everything o–"

That's when he must have seen it, his unfolded test results sitting directly in front of you, face up and in full view. You had your hands tucked beneath your chin as you stared at the paper. "Sit down."

"Where did you get–"

"SIT Preston!" You yelled, keeping your eyes on the paper because you knew the moment that you looked him in the eyes, your facade would fall and the tears would spill.

You reached out and slid the paper over towards him. "Y/N, I can explain."

You let out a gutted laugh, finally looking at him. "Please do! Please explain to me why I found a positive test result for Chlamydia from almost two weeks ago, sitting on the counter!" His eyes stayed looking down at the paper as if he was reading it over. But you knew better, he was just too chicken to look you in the eye. "How?"

You already knew the answer, you just wanted him to say it. To see if he was capable of being an adult and facing his problems head-on. The way his eyebrows furrowed and straightened out again as he chewed on his lip, was showing you that he was contemplating his explanation. The truth or a lie? "Maybe you–"

"Don't you even go there, Preston."

He sighed and rubbed his hands down the front of his face as he fell back into the couch. "It was only two times."

In an instant, it was like those five words sucker punched you so hard in the gut, that you could feel the pain in your back. "O-Only two times? ONE TIME IS BAD ENOUGH PRESTON! BUT TWO?!"

"Y/N, please it was a–"

You held up your hand to silence him, feeling your bottom lip tremble as you collected your thoughts. "I had to get tested today, Preston. Nolan had to drive me to the fucking walk-in clinic to get tested for Chlamydia and every other fucking STD in the book because you can't keep your minuscule dick in your pants?"

You stood up and held your hands out to calm yourself, looking at him. "And you have the fucking guts, to say it was only two times...and that it was a mistake," you laughed and shook your head. "Fucking unbelievable."

You heard the couch shift back as he stood up fast, clenching the paper in his hands. "Why were you even going through my stuff?"

"You left it on the kitchen counter, genius!" You said, turning your back to him and crossing your arms. "Get out."

"What?" He asked, scoffing at your demand. "This is my apartment! I'm not getting out of my apartment."

"Fine," You turned back to him, glaring at him. "Then I'm leaving. I'll come back for all of my stuff."

"Come on, Y/N, let's talk this out like adults and–"

"ADULTS?" You laughed, shaking your head. "WE'RE YOU EVEN GOING TO TELL ME?"

He stood there, his eyes switching constantly between the floor, his test results and you. "Eventually."

"Eventually," you threw your hands up and let them fall against your legs. "Eventually, doesn't work for me, Preston. You're putting my health at risk because you're too much of a coward to tell me that you cheated on me and the skank you did it with gave you an STD."

He lunged forward and grabbed your elbow as you went to walk away from him. "Y/N–"

"Let go of me, Preston!"

No sooner than the words left your lips, your front door burst open and Nolan came storming over towards you. In an instant, Preston's grip was ripped from you as Nolan pushed him against the wall, his forearm pressing against Preston's chest. He turned to you and nodded his head down the hall. "Y/N, go pack a bag," he turned back to Preston and glared at him. "You're leaving."

"Y/N, please don't! We can–" His voice choked off as Nolan slid his forearm up higher towards Preston's windpipe.

"You don't talk to her, you don't look at her," He looked back at you, "Y/N, now."

You turned away from the scene and rushed into the bedroom you shared with Preston. Reaching under the bed, you grabbed your duffel bag and raced around the room, grabbing as much as you could from your assigned drawers, your side of the closet and any of the electronics and other small stuff you'd need. You zipped it up and tossed it over your shoulder, walking out of the room to see Preston still pinned against the wall. He looked in your direction and nodded to his right, signaling for you to go towards the front door.

You walked by Preston, not even bothering to give him a second look as you stood by the door, shuffling side to side as Nolan glared at Preston once more. "You better pray that her test results come back negative or so help me God, I'll come back here and personally kick your ass." He pushed him further against the wall before letting him go, pushing a finger into his chest. "Let's get one thing straight. Whatever her insurance doesn't cover from this testing, you'll pay. We'll be back tomorrow to grab the rest of her stuff around noon. You can either be here, hide away in a fucking corner and not speak or you can choose not to be here when we are. Either way, if I find out that you're trying to contact her, I'll come back and kick your ass."

Preston just nodded his head frantically and Nolan sent him another death glare before walking over to you. He wrapped his arm around your waist and lead you out of the door and into the hallway. He kept you close to his side, even taking the bag away from you and carrying it himself as he led you to the elevator of the building. As soon as the doors closed behind you, Nolan leaned back against the elevator wall, his arms crossed. "You never left...did you?"

He looked away from the control panel and over at you. He stood up straight and walked over to you, wrapping you in his arms and hugging you tight. "I told you I wasn't leaving you Y/N." He pulled back and made you looked at him, his face stoic. "I'm not leaving your side ever. Whatever you want to do, I'll support you. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it."

You stared up at him, noticing the way that his eyes took you in and hugged him tighter, pressing your face into his chest. "Take me home, Nol."

[retrocelly]

I Didn't Mean It Pt.2 (Nolan Patrick)

Word Count: 1,693

Part One

     Your break from Nolan had given you the time that you needed to think about your relationship. However, the more consideration you did, the more confused you felt. Over the past two weeks, you'd been enjoying the space that you had to spend time with friends and focus on yourself. Although regardless of how happy you felt in the moment, your mind always seemed to drift back to the rosy-cheeked, long-haired boy you’d left behind. The one you had waiting on you. You knew that it was cruel to make Nolan wait for so long without even a text sent between you. Despite that, he had been respectful of your wishes. He didn’t call you when he was feeling down or text you when he’d seen something that reminded him of you. He hadn’t even commented anything on your latest instagram post. And while you were grateful to him for staying true to his word and giving you time to think, you missed his presence in your life. All you were surrounded with now were the gentle reminders of how much you loved Nolan and how much he loved you in return.

     But now those memories were tainted with a sour taste left behind in your mouth and a dull ache in your heart. Nolan’s words had left you feeling unsure of yourself; like an outsider in your own skin. Despite the fact that he told you he didn’t mean what he’d said, you couldn’t help but wonder if that was a lie. Maybe he did mean it and he truly didn’t find you beautiful and he’d only told you otherwise as a way to spare your feelings. Maybe he spent his free time talking to all the women he found more attractive than you. You’d spent days going over those thoughts - analyzing them, crying over them, and hating them. But no matter how many tears you shed, they just didn’t make sense. 

     Nolan was a loving, doting boyfriend. He paraded you in front of his friends and consistently made you feel loved. When you’d first met Nolan after getting sat next to him on a plane, he’d leaned over and told you “if this place has more girls that look like you, maybe I shouldn’t leave after all.” You’d laughed at the line and he had apologized for the cringe-factor of it almost immediately. That first interaction just didn’t fit with the idea that he hadn’t found you “love at first sight kind of hot.” So, maybe he didn’t mean what he said to the guys after all. Maybe it was just Nolan’s profoundly stupid way of seeming less lovestruck than he actually was.

     Nolan’s time away from you was pure hell. He didn’t like waking up and knowing that you wouldn’t be next to him. He felt isolated without the ability to talk freely with you. The hardest part for him, though, was the guilt he felt after explaining to his mom that you wouldn’t be staying with him for a while. She knew how much you meant to Nolan. Hell, she was in Philadelphia when he’d pulled her aside and tentatively asked “uh, mom, how should I tell a girl that I love her for the first time?”

     Nolan spent every second of the day with a lump in his throat and a clouded head. It was like he didn’t remember how to live without you. He had thought that you would feel the same, but when the first week of your break had come to a close and you hadn’t even called him, he got worried. A few days later when he first opened instagram and was met with a photo of you smiling widely on the couch of your favorite bakery, his heart broke all over again. At that point, Nolan was sure that he’d ruined it. He had been an idiot and you’d finally realized that you deserved better than him (something he’d known and worried about for the entirety of your relationship). It took everything in his power not to text you then - to pour out his heart all over again and tell you how sorry he was - but he knew that that wasn’t his place anymore. He knew that he needed to respect your decision no matter how much it hurt him.

     When there was a knock on Nolan’s apartment door, the one that he had once shared with you, he assumed that it was just one of the boys coming to check on him - something that had become a regular occurrence. Without moving from his place on the couch, Nolan shouted “yeah, come in!” He didn’t look away from the TV right away, expecting that whoever his intruder was would just make sure he was still alive before leaving. However, Nolan didn’t hear TK’s heavy footsteps or Claude’s nagging to clean up. So, he looked up, his bloodshot eyes meeting yours for the first time in what felt like ever.

     The contrast between the two of you couldn’t have been more stark. Nolan was slumped back on the couch in sweatpants and a dirty t-shirt with unwashed hair. You were standing in the doorway wearing an outfit that Nolan hadn’t seen before and a fresh haircut that made you look so put-together. In Nolan’s eyes, you were everything he had been missing and it hurt his heart to see you. He stood quickly, trying hard to look like he hadn’t spent the past two weeks sitting in his own guilt.

     “Are you here to get your stuff?” Nolan asked through a scratchy throat, “I assumed you’d be by at some point to pick it up.”

     You gave him a quizzical look, but he never met your eye-line. Nolan wanted to make this break-up as swift as possible so that he could just try and forget what a fuck-up he’d been.

     “What?” You responded, causing Nolan to look at you.

     “I mean, that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To end this with me?” His voice betrayed him, cracking as his cheeks grew hot.

     “No, Nolan, that’s not why I’m here.” 

     You moved toward the tall man, giving him a gentle smile as he looked at you with wide eyes and an open mouth. Once you were standing in front of him, you reached your hand out to brush against his, earning a wide grin from Nolan.

     “Really?” He asked, tears threatening to fall.

     You didn’t speak, not trusting your voice. Instead, you nodded up at him. It wasn’t even a full second before Nolan had you in a hug, his hands around your waist. He had his head buried into your shoulder as he lifted you off the ground, your arms immediately going around his neck to keep you against him. Your eyes welled over at the relief of being back in Nolan’s strong grip. You giggled at the vibration against your skin as Nolan mumbled incoherently against you. He lifted his head from your shoulder, not loosening his hold on your body.

     “Oh my god, baby, I am so, so sorry - you don’t even know. And I know that I probably can’t make it up to you, but if it helps, life has been horrible without you.”

     You had your hands on either side of Nolan’s face as he rambled, comfort flooding your senses as you looked at him.

     “Nol,” you quieted, “I missed you too. But I need you to know that what you said really hurt me. I want to be able jump back in and be able to trust you again. And I think I can do that because I know how much you love me and I believe what you said about it being a lie. I just want you to know that if you ever do anything like that again, I won’t be able to simply come back to you.”

     Nolan nodded at you, a grin fighting its way onto his face,

     “I know, baby. I’ll never be able to take it back, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and proving that I didn’t mean it. I love you more than anything in the world and I’d do anything to show you that. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

     You gave Nolan another tearful nod as you noticed his eyes dart to your lips. He leaned down slowly, not wanting to cross any boundaries. You closed the gap, your lips falling instantaneously into a familiar rhythm with Nolan’s. The kiss was feverish, full of everything that had happened within the past two weeks. Nolan moaned into your mouth, but you recognized it as one of appreciation rather than something sexual. When you pulled away, Nolan pouted and leaned in again, causing you to laugh.

     “Not so fast, hotrod,” you chastised, “how about you clean up this mess and clean yourself up and then we can talk about making up for lost time.”

     Nolan groaned, but dropped his hands from your waist and drug his heels to the living room. He slowly moved around the room, straightening things up and sighing at you dramatically. You laughed at his antics, shaking your head when he wiggled his eyebrows at you. After the room looked organized again, a lightbulb seemed to go off in Nolan’s head.

     “Okay, compromise!” He shouted.

     You raised your eyebrows expectantly at him, crossing your arms.

     “I just cleaned up the house, so how about instead of waiting for me to take a shower and stuff before we make up for lost time, we can kill two birds with one stone and make up for lost time while I’m taking a shower.”

     You shifted on your feet as Nolan looked at you, pretending to contemplate your answer. You could see him making his way toward you as you stared at the ceiling in fake thought. Suddenly, Nolan had you thrown over his shoulder as he made his way to the bathroom, ignoring your shrieks and laughs in protest. Safe to say, Nolan made sure that you knew just how hot he thought you were.

[writing-realityawayfromreality]

Please don’t leave part 7

a/n : Sorry it took so long, this is more of a filler before the next part. just wanted to keep you guys as readers. hopefully y’all enjoy, please let me know what you think. All the love- K

You could feel the tears running down your face. Reaching the bathroom you flung the bathroom stall door open, kneeling down in front of the toilet you felt you breakfast coming back up. Flushing the toilet you just sat there on the floor. You didn’t know how to feel or what to do about this situation. You knew that Lupus was something serious but you thought you had time. You didn’t want to ask anyone if they could find out if they were a match, you were too embarrassed to do so. 

Once again the tears  started to fall down your face, you only had one thing on your mind... Nolan. You knew you should be thinking about what you are going to do with school. You don’t have your parent’s anymore, your mom passed away from cancer and your dad couldn’t stand the fact that your mom died and ended up having a  heart attack and passing. Nolan and his family were the only thing you had left. You knew for a fact that you didn’t want Nolan to find out what was going on but he was the only one you felt comfortable talking to. You saw how he got when you told him about your parents. You knew you couldn’t tell his sisters or Travis because you knew how hurt Nolan would be if he found out from one of them what was going on. Deciding that it was inevitable you pulled out your phone... Voicemail... you debated on whether or not to hang up or leave a message, by the time you decided it was too late, you were already leaving a message. “Hey, i have something that I need to tell you. Call me back, only if you want to. I know i’m probably the last person you want to hear from. Alright, bye.” 

Gosh, you sounded like an idiot. You headed back to the examination room, you couldn’t really focus on what the doctor was tell you, all you could do was look at your phone to see if he would call you back. Finally after what felt like hours the appointment was over and you could just go home and curl up in a ball. Nolan still hadn’t called and you were worried. You honestly thought about flying back to Philly just to see if he was okay. You felt fine enough to fly, you certainly weren’t going to tell your doctor if you do. 

Once you got home it dawned on you that there might be a game going on and that’s why he hasn’t answered you. You sent a quick text to Travis. “Hey teeks.” right away you felt your phone go off. “Hey y/n, what’s up. How is everything?” Travis responded.  “Okay, do you have a game tonight?”  you felt stupid for asking but you wanted to know where Nolan was. “Yeah, why?”  “I’m lowkey debating on whether or not I wanna fly in and see you guys play.” “DO IT!!!!, I’ll pick you up at the airport, Nolan is at practice, it was optional today.” Travis texted back. 

So that was where Nolan was at. Okay, well you figured that if you go and “bump” into him then he wouldn’t have a choice but to talk to you. You looked into flights, luckily for you there was one in a hour and it would land with just enough hours for travis to get you and head down to the arena. Grabbing the bag that you never unpacked you headed to the airport.  It was a long flight but this way it gave you time to tell Nolan everything you wanted. 

You texted Travis once you landed to see if he was here yet, your friendship really grew over the summer when you were here. You spotted a boy in a yellow sweatshirt and a baseball cap standing at the end of the escalator. You didn’t even have to ask if it was him, you quickly ran up to him and gave him a huge hug. “Y/n, I’m so glad you are here, the guys are gonna be excited to see you.” Travis stated. You weren’t sure if you wanted to go to the game or just stay at Travis’s/ Nolan’s and see them when they got back. “About that, on the flight I started not to feel so good so maybe I will just stay at your place, I can see the guys tomorrow.”  you said looking down at the ground. “That’s fine. I’m just so happy that you are here.” Travis said hugging you again. You and travis spent the rest of the time talking that was until he had to head down to the rink. You were tired so you decided to take a nap, laying down on the sofa you closed your eyes falling asleep rather quickly.

You felt your phone going off, looking down you saw that it was Travis calling you. “Hello, i thought you had a game?” you asked rather panicked. “I do, i just wanted to make sure that you were awake to watch.Alright gotta get back.” Travis said hanging up. You laughed knowing that even though Travis had knew you for a little time it was like he has known you for a lifetime. Turning on the game you got comfy. The first period was underway. Your eyes never left Nolan, whether that be him on the ice or on the bench. you tried to pay attention to Travis but you caught yourself watching Nolan’s every move. It wasn’t that much longer in the first that Nolan got into a fight. 

You just sat there in disbelief, You watched as Nolan headed down the tunnel. You wanted to go and see if he was okay but at the same time you had to remind yourself that you were the one who ended it. that it wasn’t fair to keep coming back into his life just to leave again. You sat there for a few more minutes, luckily you saw Nolan back on the bench. you let out a huge breath, one that you didn’t even know you were holding in. It wasn’t long until you saw Nolan heading back down the tunnel. This time you could tell that it was bad. That he was really hurt. 

You waited until you heard the door open and close, you hadn’t moved from your spot. “Y/n?” You heard Travis ask. You felt the sofa sink down beside you. “You okay?” He asked. “How bad?” was all you said. “Travis turned off the tv and looking straight at you. “Day to day as of right now.” Travis answered. “Is he home?” you asked. Travis was about to shake his head when you just bursted into tears. “It’s going to be okay y/n, it’s just a lower body injury he will be back to normal in no time.” Travis said.

“Travis, I have some big news, but I need to tell Nolan first, I have to.” you said. “Well it can wait until morning. You’re tired, i’m tired and Nolan and some of the other guys went out to celebrate the win so he’s not even home.” You nodded. Travis lead you to the guest bedroom “If you need anything I’m just in the other room.” Travis said before turning off the light. 

You woke up to your phone going off. Looking at the time 12:21a.m  you opened your phone to see that Nolan had posted a picture, it was of him and some of the guys with girls at the bar. you weren’t going to lie you were slightly annoyed. you know that you aren’t dating him therefore he didn’t have to let you know if he was okay or anything but you know for a fact that he knew you would be watching the game and after everything the both of you had been through together you would think he would let you know that he was okay. You had half a mind to go to Nolans and yell at him but the other half was telling you it didn’t matter anymore and that you should just go back home. 

You couldn’t stand it you got out of the guest bed and headed towards the door. Nolan only lived a few floors up and if he wasn’t home then you would wait. You waited for the elevator to come to your floor, getting in you hit the button with the number 9 on it. Getting off you headed down the hall to the door that you knew all too well. standing in front of the door you were already to just turn back around and head to travis’s again. hearing voices on the other side of the door you started knocking. You were prepared to come face to face with Nolan but instead it was some blonde, you recognized her. It was the girl from the picture. 

“Can i help you?” She asked rather rudely. “Um.” you said trying to figure out what you were going to say. “Wait I know who you are.” she said walking further into the hall slightly shutting the door behind her. “You’re the girl who broke poor Nolan’s heart, don’t worry im here to mend it. Now I suggest you leave.” she said going to head back into the apartment. “Who is it?” you heard nolan. you could tell that he was drunk, not drunk enough to where he couldn’t function but still slightly tipsy. You saw Nolan now standing at the door. “Y/n?!?” He asked. “Real winner you got there Nols.” You said before headed back to Travis’s. knocking on Travis’s door to his room he opened it shirtless. “Y/N? what happened. what did Nolan do?” You just shook your head. “Can i sleep in here with you?” He didn’t say another word but instead stepped aside so you could walk in. Crawling into bed you felt yourself starting to cry. “i still love him.” you said. “I know.”  

“You woke up to voice outside your room. Remembering that you were at travis you got up and headed to open the door only to stop short hearing Nolan and travis talking.

“I know that she is here Trav, just let me see her.” Nolan said. “She will see you if she wants Nolan, you didn’t see her last night. She came and asked to sleep in my bed, i let her and she started crying Nolan, she was fucking crying.” Travis said.” “She slept in your bed?!”  Nolan yelled. “You’re missing the point Nolan, whatever you did last night really hurt her. she came here to see you you dork. Not me. She had something to tell us but she wanted you to be the first to know.” travis said calmly. “But yet here she is staying with you and not me!” Nolan yelled again. “I don’t know what I have to say or do to get it through your head. She still loves you Nolan.” Travis said.

“Yeah bullshit Trav.” At that moment before you knew what you were doing you opened the door “I do.” you said. “Y/N?” Both travis and Nolan said.  “We need to talk.” Was all you said before heading back into the room. 

[noliereyes]

petulant // flashback 003

or; the story of how magnolia jane reyes makes a terrible first impression | set during the 72nd year | tw: miscarriage mention | co-written with @gxrlsbiteback & @fellvasile

REYES

Nolie and Miles wave goodbye from the doorway of the train on a sunny morning in Two, and suddenly the train is on its way and they’re standing in the train car. Nolie looks up at Enobaria and Fell, over at her brother, and feels impossibly small. There’s just a moment where she thinks that perhaps this was a terrible idea, and smiles cheekily up at her team, hoping that if she fakes it, eventually she’ll feel like she actually belongs here.

VASILE

It was just another year for Fell. Another two kids to mentor for The Games, and hopefully, one of them was going to come home alive. But he hadn't expected siblings, let alone a fourteen year old to volunteer. Yet there they were with Magnolia and Miles Reyes, siblings that volunteered to go in the Arena, most likely to protect the other.

He glanced between the two siblings for a moment, but since no one else was starting to talk, Fell shifted in his seat, "Both of you have had Academy training, I hope," he asked. It would make things a hell of a lot easier if they had; could even give the girl an edge in the Arena if she had dedicated herself enough.

REYES

"I do," Miles says. "I was going to go for the spot in a couple years, when I was eighteen, and-"

"I have training too," Nolie interrupts. "I can use a butterfly knife. I've been training for, like, four whole years. I can do backflips. And handstands! You've probably seen me in the Academy. I'm super strong." For a fourteen year old, she's strong, but somehow she feels it more appropriate to leave that out.

MCCLAVE

Enobaria surveys the pair in front of her. A fourteen year old isn't exactly promising, and a sibling pair usually means one of the both of them were going to sacrifice themselves for the other. Either way, it didn't look good for two. "Four whole years, hmm?" she says, her  tone dry and sarcastic. "And if you'd finished out your academy training rather than getting ahead of yourself, you'd have eight years rather than four."

VASILE

Fell could see the outcome of these two now. The sister was going to get killed in some dramatic fashion-- or too quickly if she's caught up in her backflips and handstands-- and the brother was going to avenge her death and either get killed or actually come out of this. "Backflips and handstands aren't going to help you in the Arena. Using a butterfly knife's a start, and if you're as strong as you're trying to sell, then we might have a start."

REYES 

The more the mentors spoke, the more Nolie felt as though she was under a microscope. "I wanted to finish it out," Nolie says, and she's kicking herself for saying anything at all. Margot didn't want her to say anything. "They make me more agile."

"Nolie, this was Margot's year," Miles says. He turns to the mentors for a moment to explain. "Our sister is eighteen this year. And Nolie doesn't hold a candle to her. Didn't you think about that, for a second? How you took that from her?" Oh, good. Margot didn't tell him anything.

"Miles, I had to," Nolie snapped. "Besides, I'm as good as Margot anyways."

MCCLAVE

Enobaria rolled her eyes. Just another upstart kid who thought that because Finnick O'dair won at fourteen, they could too. "Fantastic. You couldn't stand to be upstaged by your sister so you took her place, and now we're all fucked. Hadn't you thought about our district's reputation?"

VASILE

Fell let out a slow breath as the siblings bickered back and forth. He was all too familiar with the tone, the small jabs back and forth. It may have been something he missed if it wasn't so grating on his nerves now. "The lectures aren't going to reverse what happened. The kid did what she did, they're not going to send her back home and drag her sister here. We're stuck with the cards we've been dealt, so we'll play them carefully."

REYES  

"It's not like that!" Nolie said, her voice almost a whine. She barely holds it together, but she still sounds like a petulant child. "I wasn't going to, and then-"

"Nolie, stop it," Miles sighs, cuts her off. Nolie glares at him.

"You don't get it," she snaps. "Margot is pregnant." She turns back to the mentors. "That's why I'm here. I don't want our family to be like the Popes, but I don't want Margot to lose her baby either. But I am good enough for this. If you'll help me." 

MCCLAVE

Enobaria audibly groaned. Fucking fantastic. She'd thought the tributes they'd picked this year had had some sense, and now this goddamn fourteen year old was telling her that their tribute had gotten pregnant, and now they were in this mess. She rolled her eyes. “Now this is great. There's no way we're going to get the rest of Panem to believe you aren't a little upstart, so we might as well run with that as your aspect." She still didn't think that was going to work, at all, but...it was what they had, like Fell said.

VASILE

"How noble." Though his tone was empty. He understood why Nolie would have stepped up to volunteer. But if it had been such a secret to keep that the star Tribute that year was pregnant, it meant that either Nolie made the call herself to volunteer, or her older sister signed Nolie's death certificate herself. "Best I can help with is training. As long as we know what you can do, we'll try and work on your weaknesses, polish them because only relying on your strengths is going to get you killed. Granted, you show off your skills in the private sessions, they'll likely give you an edge in The Games. But there's twenty-two other kids that want to go home just as bad as you do."

REYES

Miles sat down, head in his hands. "I thought you were just being an idiot, Nol, I didn't..."

"You're not the first to say that." She snapped. Enobaria's groan, Fell's empty tone, even the echo in her ears of Ares laughing when she stepped up to the stage. It made her grow angrier, more defensive. "I told you. I'm good in front of the cameras. I know how to act. I'm the best at acrobatics of anyone there. I'm the most agile, I'm good with knives. I just need a little... polishing."

"Nolie, you're fourteen fucking years old," Miles snapped, still staring at the ground. "And you're not even five feet tall yet."

MCCLAVE

"Those last four years in the academy were supposed to be your polishing!" Enobaria snapped. "And your sister should have told someone at the academy about it, not her fourteen year old sister! They'd've handled it, and I wouldn't be looking at this mess right now!" She was frustrated, mostly. But sibling pairs never ended well, not when they went the same year in, and rarely when they went in separately, either. Cashmere and Gloss just had the world's best luck where that was concerned.

VASILE

It was a mess. Sibling pair ups in The Games were always a mess. Even when he had been paired up with Larka, it was a mess. Would have been worse if they had worked together, but even so, the outcome didn't turn out at all how he expected. "Best she gets a crash course, then, because instead of four years, kid, you have a week." Fell glanced over at Miles, "And if you had a problem with her coming in, you shouldn't have spoken up and volunteered. So now you're both in this shitshow because both of you were stupid. So cut the petty arguing and fucking focus."

REYES

"I didn't even want to volunteer! My sister was going to miscarry if she went in!" Nolie's tone rose to meet Enobaria's snap, but as soon as she saw the older woman's teeth, she fell back into line. "You would've done the same thing," she mutters.

Miles finally sits up, rubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, Fell, you don't have to remind me that I'm an idiot. I'm going to go lay down or talk to Ares or something. I can't even look at you right now, Nolie. I just... why didn't she tell me?" He left the train car, following the way Ares had gone, the door slamming behind him.

Nolie sat on the couch, then, looking up at her two angry mentors. A week. She had a week to get her shit together. She doesn’t hear much more of the conversation, settles herself against the window and watches the city go by. At some point, Miles returns, sits next to her. She leans her head on his shoulder and that’s when the tears fall, away from her mentors, away from the pressure.

Just her and her brother.

Miles wipes away a couple tears from her cheeks, and taps her under the chin, once.

“Chin up, Nols,” he says quietly. “We’re nearly there.”

The train enters the Capitol and Nolie pastes on a smile, waves at the crowds, and gets to work.

One week.

[raysofcrosby]

WHEN YOU’RE READY PT. 2

𝘨𝘪𝘧 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 (𝘹)

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥: yes | no

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴): nothin really, just mentions of partying + drinking.

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 5,411

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: if you haven’t read part one, read it now! so this is actually the fastest i’ve gotten something outlined and typed?? i’m highkey hella proud of myself. anyway, enjoy part 2 :) 

Surviving the workday the next morning was near unbearable for you. No amount of iced coffee or free donuts in the break room could help the amount of anxiety and betrayal weighing down on your shoulders. That, coupled up with the fact that you felt guilty for Nolan sleeping on the couch in his own apartment, could have been your own personal undoing. When he took you back to his apartment after the scene with Preston, he placed your bags in his room and told you that it was yours. You insisted that you could sleep on the couch, you’d done it before in the earlier days of being Travis and Nolan’s third roommate. But Nolan was stubborn and instead of giving in to your puppy dog eyes and slight threats of never going to his games again– he shoved you further into his room and shut the door.

You couldn’t believe that he’d actually done that as if he could lock you in from the outside. So you stormed after him into their living room to see that he and Travis were already making his bed on the couch. You went as far as literally protesting his decision by sitting on the middle of his makeshift bed, refusing to move. Yet, Nolan and his trusty teammate just picked you up and placed you off towards the smaller lounge. You were a little bit surprised that Travis hadn’t said anything about you crashing their bachelor pad…again, though you wouldn’t think he’d be all that disappointed. To him, you were one of the guys. You could keep up with your liquor, you didn’t get easily offended by their chirping, and the most important part, you helped him get laid. Nolan was your best friend, but Travis was a close second…when he wasn’t acting like a snapping, angry Chihuahua.

When you used your sick hours to leave work around noon, you didn’t have to put on an act for your boss. The stress and fear of meeting up with Nolan to go pick up your stuff from Preston’s apartment, along with waiting for the phone call with your results, had made you look a thousand times sicker than what you really were. So with kind words and well wishes, your boss told you to go ahead and go home. You weren’t quite sure what you expected to see when you walked into your new home, but three tall and intimidating looking hockey players wasn’t it. Nolan had managed to recruit Claude, Gudas, and Voracek to come help collect your things. Leave it to him to grab two bearded and vastly feared men, along with the team captain, to aid you, himself and Travis. While you wanted to believe it was because you had some small items of furniture to take, you knew it was based on the fact that he wanted to intimidate the hell out of Preston from ever trying to contact you again.

Preston took Nolan’s warning serious, too. When your group arrived at the apartment, it was empty. He even went as far as packing up some of your stuff in boxes for you, probably to make sure that you guys got out of there quickly. And you did, in fact. Nolan made you sit down on the couch as the group of men carried your things from the apartment and to the car, one of them with you at all times. You were pissed, the fact that Nolan was treating you like some 6-year-old who couldn’t lift a simple moving box filled with clothes. But you didn’t want to push the matter, because he was already doing so much for you.

That was hours ago though and now you, Travis and Nolan were lounging around the apartment, trying to figure out what to do with your night. Well, at least you were. The boys earlier were discussing what bars downtown they were going to hit up and you have even scored yourself an invitation via Claude, but you had your phone call you couldn’t risk missing, so you turned it down. It was nearing 8 pm and you were lounging on Nolan’s bed, staring at the ceiling as your phone rested on your chest. The anxiety of them not calling today was at an all-time high and you couldn’t help but wonder if this was a bad sign.

Maybe your tests came back positive and they were trying to figure out and sort the medication for you to take.

No, that’s stupid. What’s that saying?

No news is good news, right? So maybe them not calling is good news. But still, …they said they’d call.

You groaned and sat up, your phone falling off into your lap. Picking it up, you placed it on the bedside table and walked towards the door to go see what Travis and Nolan were doing. Maybe those two stooges could take your mind off of this waiting game. As you walked down the hall, you could hear Travis humming along to some new country song as the front door shut. “Whoa dude, got something to tell me?”

“Hm?” Nolan mumbled in reply.

You crept towards the end of the hallway, peaking around the corner to see the two of them sitting in the living room, their backs to you. “The pamphlets?” Travis bent down and held up a stack of pamphlets– the pamphlets Nolan had taken from the clinic. “HIV? Hepatitis B? Chlamydia? Pregnancy? Should I be worried?”

Nolan snatched the pamphlets out of his hand and shook his head. “They’re not for me.”

“Then why are you reading them, exactly? It’s not like you’ve hooked up with anyone lately.”

“They’re for Y/N,” Nolan replied, holding up the Chlamydia pamphlet.

“Hold the fuck up. What did you just say? Does she have–“

“Jesus Christ Travis, shut up.”

A moment of silence fell between the two as Travis took in Nolan’s tense features. He picked up another pamphlet, looking at it. “Is this why we moved her out of douchebag’s apartment?”

You saw Nolan nod his head as he brought the Chlamydia pamphlet back in front of him. “She came over here yesterday freaking out because she found positive test results in his name from last week. So I took her to the clinic and the Doc made her take all of these tests and I just….”

“You grabbed the pamphlets for….education?”

“In case her results come back positive, yeah.” You could hear Nolan sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. “She was about to give herself a panic attack yesterday T and reading up on all of this, I just want to be prepared to help her in any way that I can.”

“Has she gotten her results back yet?”

Nolan shook his head and slumped down into the couch. “I can see how freaked she is and it’s freaking me out. She’s my best friend and I can’t stand the fact that douchebag did this to her. If those test results come back positive, I’m going back to that apartment and kicking his ass.”

Travis laughed and hit Nolan upside the head with the pamphlet. “I think it’s time you start realizing your own feelings there, Patty.”

You perked up a bit, leaning your head further into view of the living room. What did Travis mean? What feelings? Why wasn’t Nolan arguing back with him and telling him that the two of you were just friends? Nolan couldn’t feel that way about you…right?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, okay keep lying to yourself ‘cause that’s really healthy. You know G asked me about the two of you, whether or not you guys were a thing yet.” Travis stared at Nolan, who just crossed his arms and didn’t look at him. “Maybe this whole thing with the boyfriend being a doucheface is fate? Now you two can finally fuck it out and–“

The shrill sound of your ringtone coming from the bedroom cut Travis off. You hid back behind the hall and ran as quietly as you could to hide your snooping. When you looked down at your phone, you saw a Philly number that you didn’t recognize and your heart began to pound.

It had to be the clinic.

You picked it up and answered the call, bringing the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“May I speak to Y/N L/N?” That voice, it was the Doctor from yesterday.

“This is she, may I ask who’s calling?”

“Hi Y/N, this is Doctor Pippen from Hampton Wellness Center. You came in last night and did some testing.”

“Y-Yes, I remember you. How are you, Doctor Pippen?”

“I’m doing fine, Miss L/N as I hope are you.” He cleared his throat and your mind went into overdrive trying to figure out if it was a good sign or a bad sign. “I have your test results from the Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Pregnancy tests we ran for you yesterday.”

You were too focused on your breathing to give him an immediate reply. Trying to keep it from getting too shallow and from breathing too heavy. This was it, the moment where your life could change. “O-Okay, hit me Doc.”

Wrong time for a joke, Y/N. You thought as his silence from the other line sent chills down your spine. “Well Miss Y/N, your results came back negative for those three tests.”

“Oh my God.”

“Now, we’re still waiting on your results for the HIV, Syphilis and Hepatitis B testing, but we’ll be sure to call you back tomorrow with those, okay?”

“O-Okay, thank you, Doctor.”

“You’re welcome Miss L/N. Have a nice night.”

You couldn’t manage a good night as he hung up on the other line. You kept the phone to your ear as tears built in your eyes. Negative. Your results were Negative. You pulled the phone away from your ear and sniffled as a small smile spread across your face. You had to tell Nolan, he was as anxious for this phone call as you were. Turning around, you were going to practically run out into the living room, but that wasn’t necessary, because Nolan was standing right there in the doorway. His eyes were wide and his face flushed as he stared at you, trying to take in whether the fact that your tears were that of happiness or sadness.

“They’re negative Nol. The results are–“

You couldn’t finish your sentence before Nolan practically wrapped you in his arms, lifting you off of the ground and spinning you around. You held on for dear life, laughing as tears fell down your face before Nolan put you back onto the ground. “This is great,” he huffed, out of breath as his smile overtook his face.

“I’ve still got the other three tests to worry about but–“

He covered your mouth again, looking down at you as his eyes grew all serious. “Y/N, what did I tell you about worrying? Your first three came back negative, that’s all you need to think about right now, okay?” You nodded your head as he removed his mouth, cradling one side of your face as he wiped the tears off of your cheeks with his thumbs. “So no more crying.”

“No more crying.” You repeated, staring directly at him. You noticed his eyes linger a little longer on your blushed cheeks and for a second, you thought you caught him staring at your lips before they returned back to you, gleaming. “Nolan I–“

“Ooh la la, don’t mind me, guys,” Travis said, leaning in the doorway of the bedroom. Nolan took a step back away from you, keeping his arms at his sides. “The guys narrowed the bar list down to five, any opinions?”

Nolan shrugged his shoulders indifferently, and you looked between the two of them. With the stress of waiting for the phone call no longer resting on your shoulders, you felt like you needed a good night with some big distractions. And what better way than to hang out with Nolan and his friends? “Let’s have a party here…”

Nolan looked at you with wide eyes. “What?”

“Fuck yeah, let’s do it. I’ll send the mass text,” Travis smiled, not even second-guessing your suggestion as she turned down the hallway. He popped back in a few seconds later, looking at you. “Want to come to the store with me? I think we’ll need a few more snacks and a lot of booze.”

You nodded as he disappeared the second time, turning back towards the bedside table to grab your purse. “Is this a good idea? I mean, you’ve been really stressed from all of this. Maybe you should just, rest?”

“It’s cute when you worry about me Nolan, but this is exactly what I need.” You smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder before standing up on your tippy toes and pressing a kiss to his cheek. As you stepped back, you saw him trying his damnedest to fight back a blush. “Besides, a little party never hurt anybody. It’ll be fun, I promise.”

                                                                            ––

You’re. So. Drunk.

That’s all your conscience can even think about as you mingled amongst the Flyers team and their respective partners and… ‘friends’ for the night. You normally weren’t one who went balls to the wall when it came to partying. Sure, you indulged in a mixed drink here, a shot there– but never to the point to where you’d surpassed Travis in marker drawn tally marks on your forearm. You couldn’t help it though, you were celebrating the fact that you were free from your cheating, scumbag ex AND finding out half of your test results were negative.

At least that’s what you told yourself when you let Carter drag you into a game of beer pong. He was a cutie, so it was hard to turn him down when he asked you to be his partner in a game against Travis and Nolan, two of the best beer pong players on the team. You tried everything in the book when it came to distracting the two opponents: dancing, doing stupid things, even going as far as appealing to their male hormones and unbuttoning a button or two on your body suit. It could have been the alcohol talking, but when you did that, you swore you could’ve seen Nolan’s eyes darken a little, though the assertive action didn’t best well with his ever-present red cheeks.

The pong game against your two roommates is what did you dirty. No matter how well you though your skills were, Carter’s…unfortunately not as advanced skills are what ultimately sunk you. Now, lounging on a windowsill in the background of the living room, you begrudgingly took small sips of the bottled of water that Ryanne had insisted you take. And if there was one thing you were sure of, it was to never argue with a pregnant woman. At least you weren’t alone as you watched the mingling in front of you. Nope, Ryanne stayed by your side as Claude went off to play beer pong with the boys. She said it was because she didn’t feel the need to watch them, but you knew she wanted to make sure you were actually drinking your water. Not that it would have been hard to find you if she hadn’t managed to stick by your side. The party had died down immensely with only 10 people left in attendance.

“So what’s with you and Nolan?”

“What?” You asked, zoning back in and taking a sip of your water. “What do you mean?”

She arched her back, stretching it as she nodded her head over in the direction of the beer pong table. “You haven’t stopped looking at him since the moment you claimed this as your spot.”

Was she right? Had you been staring at Nolan the entire time? Surely you’d been able to put your focus on someone else. Not that you were entirely sure since it was pretty hard to stay in a focused and alert state of mind. You opened your mouth to say something, but couldn’t find the words.

“You’re not the only one though, you know.” You felt your heart sink at the thought that maybe one of these random hookups had their eyes set on Nolan too. She knowingly smiled and nudged into you. “Get out of your head, I meant that he hasn’t been able to stop checking on you either.”

You looked at her as you took your sip of water, only for your eyes to look over in Nolan’s direction again. You’d never really noticed the way hit shirts seemed to fit him just perfectly. Showing off the muscle he’d gained since playing in the NHL. He was fit all right. As your eyes took him in and made their way up to his face, Nolan was already looking at you, only to look away the moment you made eye contact. “We’re best friends.”

“Oh puh-lease don’t try and pull that excuse on me,” she scoffed and tilted the water bottle back up to your lips. “Everyone in this room can see that you two are desperately in love with each other. You two seem to be the only ones completely inept in noticing. Well…maybe just you.”

You were shocked as you swallowed your sip of water, suddenly feeling more thirsty. Nolan couldn’t like you like that, no way. I mean, you’d know, right? He’s been your best friend practically your entire life. You knew how to read him, the kinds of girls he liked, his tendencies, his mannerisms. So how is it, that you had missed something this big? “Travis did say something to him…earlier about feelings.”

Ryanne groaned and shook her head. “If there’s anyone in this world Nolan should be taking romantic advice from, it’s definitely not Travis. What’d he say? Tell him he should hook up with another girl to figure out if they’re real or something?”

“No,” you picked at the label on your water bottle, looking down at it. “He told him that it’s time he starts realizing his feelings.” You sighed and rolled your eyes. “Then in true Travis fashion, he said that my break up with Preston is fate and Nolan and I can finally fuck it out.”

Her eyes searched the room for Travis and if looks could kill, Travis would be six feet under right now. She looked back at you and turned her body in your direction, gaining your full attention. “There’s a reason why Travis is hopelessly single, and if hearing what he said to Nolan isn’t evidence enough, then I don’t know what else would be.”

“I just,” you laughed, continuing to pick at the wrapper. “Nolan denied…having feelings. Said that he didn’t know what Travis was talking about.”

“Can I ask you something?” You nodded and she stretched her back again. “Let’s say you have this really, really good friend. I’m talking about, practically best friends from the womb, kind of friend.”

“Ryanne–“

“And let’s say that at some point in time, you realized that hey, you might have genuine, true feelings for said really good friend. But said friend has never really shown any kind of interest outside of friendly gestures. Would you announce your feelings to them if you knew that there was a solid chance that they’d turn you down and ultimately break your heart?”

“Break his heart?!” You squealed, holding your water bottle in a death grip.

“Hypothetical broken heart, Y/N.” She said, but her eyes told you that her scenario was all too real, not that you needed someone to tell you that for you to know. “Would you?”

You picked at the wrapper more aggressively as you tried your best to pick out any instances of Nolan acting differently towards you since you moved to Philly. There were a few times, sure, when maybe the way he looked at you or how he would make your hugs last a little longer than normal– but why hadn’t you ever thought about it before.

“Preston…” You whispered, looking at Ryanne. “I’d been so blinded by Preston, I never noticed, Ryanne.”

She nodded and gave you a long hug. “Maybe it’s too soon Y/N, but it’s never too late.”

With that, she pulled away and gave you a small wave before walking over to Claude who was helping pick up the beer pong game. You sat there, staring at your water bottle, so deep in your thoughts that you hadn’t even noticed Nolan walk up to you. “Hey, you okay?”

Shocked, you jumped a little bit only to relax once more. “Oh um, no I’m kind of tired I guess.”

“Same,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair and laughed. “It’s kind of hard though when my bed currently has chip crumbs along with TK and Hartsy’s asses all over it.”

You tried your best not to notice the way his biceps strained when he lifted up his arm, but it was hard. “Why don’t you just kick everyone out and go to bed, then?”

“And ruin frat boy’s fun over there?” He laughed, nodding his head over to Travis. “I’d never hear the end of it if he didn’t get laid tonight.”

“You can sleep with me.” You had blurted out the suggestion before even thinking about it. And the moment the sentence left your lips, you regretted it. Not in the sense of sharing a bed with him, but in a way that you didn’t want him to reject you.

“Oh um…”

“I mean, you don’t have to i-if you don’t want–“

“No, no that’s not it. I just,” he took a deep breath and sighed, looking at the couch before looking back at you. “You won’t feel uncomfortable? I know how you like to go full on spread eagle.”

You tossed your water bottle into his chest, trying to distract from your blush as he caught it. “I stopped doing that when I was 12, thank you very much. So no, I won’t feel uncomfortable…will you?”

He held onto your water bottle, looking down at it before finally looking at you and shaking his head. “No.”

Unsure of what to say, you just nodded your head and walked past him and through the living room back towards his bedroom. He followed behind, probably keeping a safe distance between the two of you so Travis wouldn’t drunkenly yell out something stupid. And he had succeeded because when you reached his bed and turned around, he was standing in the room with you and the door closed. Along with the silence, an awkward tension filled the room.

“I’ll uh, change in the bathroom,” Nolan said, walking over to some drawers and pulling out what looked to be a pair of sweatpants. “I’ll be back.”

You just nodded watching as he closed the door behind him before letting out the biggest breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. Part of you wanted to text Ryanne, send her a big SOS and ask her what to do. Another part of you was cursing you for making things awkward with Nolan. He was your best friend, if things were to be awkward like this forever, then you wouldn’t really have anyone else. And finally, the last part of you…wanted to know if just what Travis and Ryanne were talking about…was true. You sighed and grabbed your pajamas from the opposite corner of the bed, slipping out of your bodysuit and jeans and into the comfy pair of shorts and a Flyers t-shirt.

You couldn’t stop thinking about how Nolan stood there the moment it was just the two of you in the room. How he was chewing on the inside of his cheek and looking just about anywhere but at you. And how you were left there, alone in his room. You could turn on the tv to avoid the ever-growing silence, but when you looked around for the remote…it was nowhere to be seen. You sighed and stood up, walking towards the wall and turning off the switch before walking back towards his bed. You crawled onto it and grabbed his blankets, lying down and pulling them all the way up to your chin as you rolled onto your side, your back facing the door. As the silence grew louder, you tried your best to ignore the constant sound of the wheels in your brain turning and your heart beating against your chest.

Every time you closed your eyes, you were back in Preston’s apartment and back into the moment, you had confronted him about his test and ultimately, his confession of infidelity. Your mind was spinning in circles, trying to figure out how it ended up here– him cheating on you, breaking up with him and now you being Travis and Nolan’s third roommate. You, his girlfriend…the girl he said he loved more than anything. And yet, you couldn’t help but wonder if there were any other signs you missed, besides the late nights and sketchy behavior that could have led to you avoiding this altogether. Had he been distant? Yeah. A little more active on his phone? Sure, but he was a business guy…that was almost guaranteed he’d bring his work home with him.

How had you seen all the signs in front of you and still not connected it to the fact that maybe, just maybe, he had been cheating on you? Denial at its best, you guess.

You felt a tear slid down your cheek, you had been so zoned out that you didn’t even know you had started crying.

Nolan’s bedroom door opened, the light from the hallway illuminating the wall you were facing as voices grew louder. “Alright Patty, I’ll see you tomorrow.” That was Ghosty, he must be leaving the party now.

“Night, man,” Nolan replied before shutting the door and letting the darkness consume the room all over again.

You laid completely still as you heard him blindly shuffling around his room. You wanted to tell him that he could turn on the light, but you were afraid that if you opened your mouth, a sob would escape and he’d know that you were crying. The bed dipped on the spot next to you and some more movement against the sheets before the blanket lifted up and he slid beneath them, letting out a sigh.

“Hey, are you awake?” He whispered, the movement of his head against his pillow breaking the silence.

“Unfortunately,” you replied, rolling onto your back and staring at the ceiling. “My mind won’t stop thinking…”

It was silent for a few more moments as you felt Nolan’s faze on you. “Y/N…do you want to talk about it?”

You took a deep breath and shuddered out a sigh. “I just feel…so stupid, you know? How could I not see that he was cheating on me, multiple times when I’d seen the signs all along? He used to never work late, let alone late at night. He would rarely pick up his phone during dinner and yet he was always on it from the moment he got home. Talk about rose-colored glasses,” you expected Nolan to laugh at the slight joke or to at least have a small chuckle, but he was stone-faced and silent, taking in your story.

You shook your head as you thought back on the look in his eyes the moment you confronted him about the test. “And the way he tried to say that I was the one who gave him…” Your eyes shifted over to Nolan. “I felt like a fucking idiot…I still do. How could I not see this, Nol?”

Nolan let out a harsh sigh as his body shifted a little closer to you. “Y/N…he’s a fucking dick for even suggesting that you gave him Chlamydia. That alone should show you how big of a piece of trash he is,” he sighed, his body relaxing into the mattress. “And you’re not an idiot for not realizing that he was cheating on you. He was good at hiding it and you’re…you’ve got a big heart. You’re the kind of person who sees the good in everybody, so it’s not your fault that you thought that he wouldn’t cheat on you.”

A sob escaped from the back of your throat as the tears fell more now. Nolan wasted no time reaching out for you and bringing you into his bare chest. You turned your head into his chest, ignoring your racing heart as you just cried. He placed a hand behind your head and wrapped his other arm around your waist. He let out a few calming ‘Ssh’ now and then as he rubbed the back of your head and let you full on ugly cry.

“I know you know how I feel about him…hell, how all of the guys feel about him,” he whispered, running his fingers through your hair. “But I swear to God and on everything else Y/N, he never deserved you. He never deserved to even be a blip on your radar; you’re too good for him. Always were.”

You sniffled and kept your head on his chest. “Are you just saying that because you’re my best friend or do you really mean it?”

He stopped running his fingers through your hair and brought his hand to your face, lifting your head off of his chest and making you look at him. “I really mean it. Y/N, you deserve to be treasured and treated like the damn Princess you are. You deserve someone who supports and pushes you to achieve your dreams instead of ridiculing them. Someone who doesn’t make you second-guess his love for you. Someone who listens to what you say, even when you’re doing that little mumbling you do when you’re concentrated.”

His thumb started to wipe away the tears from your cheeks as he sighed. “You are one hell of a woman and as your best friend,” he paused a little as if the words were hard to speak. And I knew they were, especially after what Ryanne and Travis had suggested earlier. “As your best friend, I want you to find someone who treats you like that.”

“Like you?” You whispered, the room around you starting to feel with a kind of tension that you’d never noticed before.

His eyes focused on yours and nothing else, as the tension seemed to suck all of the air out of the room. “I think…I think you know how I feel.”

His hand was still cradling the right side of your face, softly but firm. You reached up and grazed his face with your fingers, feeling the small hint of stubble scratch your skin as you moved your hand further up his face, cupping his cheek. He leaned into your touch for a moment, closing his eyes as if he wanted to hide what he was feeling.

You leaned up and pressed your lips to his, a breath leaving you as you pulled away and kept your nose touching his. Your thumb brushed against his cheek as he kept his eyes closed. You leaned in again and this time he kissed you back. His lips a little chapped, but tasted of the watermelon flavored chapstick he was always putting on, along with the lingering taste of raspberry flavored vodka he’d been drinking earlier tonight. You parted your lips and traced his bottom lip with your tongue, inviting him to take the kiss further and letting the intoxicating feeling of his lips on yours, swallow you whole.

Instead, he pulled away and sighed. “No, not like this.”

It was as if you’d just been sucker punched in the guy. Were Travis and Ryanne wrong? What if they had misread Nolan’s feelings for you this entire time and he only sees you as a friend? If he had feelings for you, why did he just reject you? “I-I thought–“

He brushed your hair behind your ear. “I do, so…so bad, you have no idea. But not right now. Not when you’re like this.” His words put you at ease as he pulled you further into him and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “It was a hell of a kiss though, now get some sleep. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”