#and when he gets better he goes back to listen to Radiohead again and is like

[broadwaybalogna]

Atla music headcanons

13 year old Zuko: Radiohead

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [1]

chapter one, act one: antichrist

~first chapter of my Matty Healy x bandmate!OC, more coming soon

January 3rd 2010

"No."

"Please?"

Tommie groans twirling around on her cousin's bed so she's lying on her stomach instead of her back and looks over to where he's sitting at his desk chair.

"No, Adam, I don't want to."

"No," He says, in his usual 'I know better than you' tone, tilting his head in a way that reminds her exactly of her aunt, "You're afraid."

She gives him an unimpressed look and goes back to looking over the back of the old Radiohead vinyl she'd pinched from his little shelf of records that's tucked away in one corner of his bedroom.

"I don't wanna be in your stupid X-Factor wannabe band with your junkie friends."

"Please," A sarcastic voice comes from the bedroom door as it's pushed open, the self-made 'please knock' sign obviously meaning nothing to the intruder. The vinyl is snatched from her hands and the single bed dips with the newly added weight, "We're at least BGT worthy."

She rolls her eyes sitting up as he moves the record out of her reach, "Don't mess with me today, Healy."

"Aw," He pouts looking over at her, lashes fluttering in mock flattery, "But it's my favourite thing to do."

"Why do you always have to piss me off on my first day here?" She questions, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

He flashes his smile, wild curly hair falling in his eyes, "Because it's my favourite pastime."

Adam snatches the record back, putting it onto his pile on the floor as he raises a brow, "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Day off to welcome Miss Thomas."

"Day wasted." She mutters from behind him.

Matty mimics her in a high-pitched voice and she rolls her eyes. He grabs one of her ankles and pulls it down to his lap, tickling at her socked foot causing her to squeal and grip one of Adam's plain white pillows as her defence.

Matty flinches as the pillow is brought down upon his head, he dramatically grips his shirt and flops onto his back to look up as he gives his dramatic act of a death scene.

"Tommie!"

She sighs and goes to the door, "Yeah?"

"Your mother's on the phone, she's been calling you. Come down here."

She inwardly groans but forces herself down the stairs. Matty turns to Adam as soon as she's gone. Listening to the footsteps pause at the bottom of the stairs, a faint 'hello?' coming a few seconds later.

"Did she agree?"

"No."

He groans, flopping back on the bed again, curly hair creating a large painting upon the plain sheets. "Why?"

"Said she wants to do A Levels, go to university and- I quote, 'have a chance of making a name for herself'."

"That's what we're doing, making a name for ourselves."

"In a band about driving?"

Matty sighs, "I have a vision."

Adam sighs, muttering under his breath as he twists his chair around to look at the wall behind his desk. Focusing on a picture of him and Tommie when they were kids, back when he still lived in Wales before his dad got the job in Manchester.

"And the vision," Matty continues, lifting his hands in the air in front of him, "Has me upfront, some super hot models on each arm," Adam laughs at that part, and Matty lets out what can be described as a giggle, "Then you on guitar, George drumming away, Ross with his bass... and Tommie, right there with us, strumming her guitar and singing our songs."

"She's not into that stuff, you know that. She's too shy."

"She is not shy."

"Matty, it took her six years to speak to any of you."

He shrugs, "She was younger then."

"The stage isn't the place she should be, she's not comfortable with it, don't force her."

He sighs, "Do you think she'll help us on the album? If this thing goes through and we get the deal, do you think she'll help?"

"Of course she will, she's been with us since the start-"

The door reopens and she walks in quickly, grabbing the hoodie she had left on side before leaving again. Matty and Adam share a look before following after her as she charges down the stairs and out the front door.

"Hey, Tommie, wait."

Adam runs out barefoot as Matty shoves on Mrs Hann's heels, stumbling after them, "Tommie, wait."

Adam catches her arm, brow-raising, "Where are you going? What's wrong?"

She sighs, taking in a deep stuttering breath to try and regain her own thoughts. Everything is a jumbled mess and she shakes her head quickly to focus her eyes.

"My father-"

"What happened?" Matty asks from behind them.

Tommie's voice catches in her throat when she sees him standing there and Adam turns around to him, "Go back inside, Matty."

"What's happened?"

"Just- go inside, Matty."

Adam turns back to Tommie, gripping her hand a little tighter, "What's he done?"

"He's threatening court," She shakes her head and scoffs, "He's not wanted nothing to do with me for fifteen years, Adam, why does he want me now? It seems like when I've stopped trying to have a dad is when he's wanted to be one."

She pulls away to step back, "I'm uh, going down the shop."

"Tommie, come back inside, we'll chuck a film on-"

"No, no, I want some sweets, be back in a bit."

"Tom..."

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

"Hey."

She sighs slowly looking away from him as she hears his boots crunch on the gravel, "Go away, Healy."

He drops himself down beside her, looking out over the rugby pitch in front of them, the fence restricting the view of the local Wilmslow team trains.

They sit in silence, he doesn't say a thing after his initial greeting, just rests his elbows on his knees and keeps his gaze forward.

She taps her foot impatiently, kicking up dust and rocks as she plays with the strings of her hoodie.

"My dad, he never really stuck around," Tommie says suddenly, "He was there you know, picked me up every Wednesday, dropped me with my grandparents then went out, took me to football games on Sundays. But, it was more like a chore than him doing parent stuff."

"I uh, didn't know."

"I never realised he was a bad dad to me until my little sister turned three, two years ago. I was sitting in their living room. He came in from work, kissed his wife on the head, kissed my sister on the cheek, then sat at the table with my step-brother to help him with his homework before making dinner."

Matty doesn't open his mouth to say anything, which she's shocked by, he just listens, "I just sat there watching, and the entire time all I could think was that I wasn't worth the effort. He does everything for those kids, and I feel so bad because he's an absolutely amazing father to them. But then it makes me wonder, why couldn't he be that for me? Why couldn't he be there? Pick me up, make me dinner, help with my homework?"

She rubs at her nose with her sleeve and then shakes her head as she chuckles through the rising tears, "It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," He says quietly, his hand lifts and he hesitates to pat her back but settles on brushing some hair back from her face, "You have a right to feel that way."

She buries her head into her folded arms and grips her elbows as she breathes in deeply, breathing in the scent of the grass and dirt, focusing on the yells of the rugby players in the distance.

"Tommie, look at me please."

She sighs and lifts her head slowly, "I didn't know that. You don't," He pauses, not sure if he should say what he's thinking, not wanting to make the situation worse but he does anyway, "You don't talk about your family much. Just Adam and your grandparents."

She sighs, "You wanna know?"

"I-" He does, he really does. He wants to know everything.

"My single working mother and I live with my grandparents because we can't afford our own place. I'm the oldest sibling, by six years, of four, two brothers, one half, one step, and a half-sister. Don't talk to my dad much anymore, only once a month when he argues with his wife and remembers I exist, my youngest brother, JJ, he has a different mother too, dad speaks to him more than me but not much. He's the only sibling I speak to."

"Why don't you just move up here? For good?"

She sighs, "This is my last holiday up here, Healy."

"What?"

"I've got a job now, retail, it's awful but it's money, and I'm about to do my A levels-"

"You can still come up for the summer."

"And have a whole six weeks off work? I can't do that, I could barely have this week off to come up."

He sighs, "But, you were supposed to come up for your birthday this year. First birthday in Manchester."

She shrugs, tracing over the rips in her jeans, "Don't like my birthday anyway."

He gasps dramatically, hitting her shoulder, "Why? I love my birthday, getting presents and lots of attention, it's great."

"Not when you're the oldest sibling with broke parents." He tilts his head and she sighs, turning away from his gaze, "My mother's at work, most of the time my grandparents are too, and my dad hasn't remembered a birthday since I was five, that was only when my nannie was alive back then. He had her to keep her on track all the time. When she died, that's when it all went downhill."

"It is now my life's purpose to make you like your birthday."

She scoffs, "I'm not like you, Healy. Don't like big things and loads of attention, not made for it."

He shrugs, "It doesn't always need to be like that, it can be quiet, small things."

She shrugs again, then he goes back to the issue of her not coming up for the summer, "Why don't you just quit? Get a job up here for the summer then go back."

"It's not that easy, we need the money. And if I leave and they don't take me back, what then? And I can't risk worrying about that when I need to be focusing on school. If I don't focus on my results, I won't get into a good university, if I don't get into a good uni I can't get a good job. If I don't get a good job with a decent salary then- then I'll never get out. I'll never leave the stupid village and escape the past. I need to leave, Matty."

She runs her hands through her hair, burning her head into her knees. He moves his hand to rub at her back, careful not to startle her. He knows how she feels about touch and boundaries. But when she doesn't flinch and leans back into his touch, he lets his palm lay flat drawing circles into her hoodie.

"You're taking on too much."

She scoffs, "We don't all have rich parents."

He looks over at her now, watching her run both hands through her hair to tuck the stands behind her ears, "Is that what this is about, money? I can help-"

"No," She says quickly, regretting her little dig, "No, I don't want your help. You work hard for your money, in that shitty hippie cafe-"

"Shitty? It's many... questionable things, but it's not... that shitty."

She laughs a little and looks away, "What about the album?"

She sighs slowly, "Healy-"

"We're gonna get one, we are, I can feel it, one more gig, that guy, said he could get us signed up with a label if we record some EP's."

"I'm not in the band, that's your guys' things."

"You're a part of the band, Tommie."

"No, I'm not. I just sit in on your practices with you."

"Okay," He nods, "Answer me this," She hums, "Do you help us by playing guitar?"

"Well, sometimes."

"Yes or no questions."

"Yes."

He nods, "Do you come to every gig with us?- When you're here?"

"Yes."

"Every practice?"

"Yes."

"Did you let me steal some of your work for our songs?"

"Yes- what?"

He chuckles as she turns to look at him quickly, "What songs? What work?"

"My new songs," He says leaning away from her hand that reaches out to hit him, "And your poetry."

"You read my notebook?"

He catches her hand this time when she tries to hit him, "It was open."

"Open?"

"On the kitchen table, I just glanced... for a single second."

"I hate you so much."

She pushes him down, using his head to stand and starts walking away, he scrambles to his feet following after her, "It's really good, and I only borrowed one line."

"Which one?"

"Not telling."

She rolls her eyes, walking on and he has to jog to keep up with her long strides despite having a good few inches on her.

"Vogue."

"What?"

"Vanity Fair."

Then it dawned on her, "That was my best line, Healy!"

He giggles and runs off but she chases after him, shouting down the street, "I'm still not joining your shitty band."

He rolls his eyes, grabbing her arm to drag her towards the old shop in town, "Where are we going?"

"Shops, to cheer you up."

"Ooh," She rubs her hands together with a grin, "You gonna be my sugar daddy now, Healy?"

He swings an arm around her shoulder, smiling down at her, "Of course sugar baby, what do you want, a Ferrari?"

"More of a red bull girl. There's just something about Sebastian Vettel in that race suit." She makes a noise close to a moan and watches the redness spread up his cheeks.

"Well, I can't get you a Vettel, but I can get you something very close."

He moves the hand hanging loosely over her shoulder to push her glasses up her face and then cup over her eyes and a smile spreads across her face as she blindly walks along the path in front of them. "Jenson?"

"Nope."

He stops them, turning her with his hands still covering her eyes. He drops his hand and she looks up, raising a brow.

"Mr. Bolas."

"Even better."

They head into the old charity shop, glancing around the new boxes, Bolas looks up from his desk, peering over the top of his reading glasses.

"New box out the back, Healy."

"Thanks, Mr. Bolas."

Tommie waves at him and he sends a sweet smile before she's dragged by Matty down the old creaking stairs and into the storage room.

He lets go of her to sit crisscrossed in front of the box, taking out the old records one by one, "Ooh, you'll like this one."

She moves the old box of books to sit beside him, taking the old minted edition Black Sabbath record from his hands, "Holy shit, this is cool."

"Swapsies?"

She passes over the box of books she's yet to look in so she can look through the records as he looks through the books, picking out an old battered Tennesse Williams one.

"Hey, I'm doing that for A level this year."

"Have it."

She takes it from him flicking through, smiling at the little annotations someone has put in the play.

"I have his poetry book."

She looks at the Jack Kerouac book in his hand, "I think I've read some of that, it's good."

"Yeah?"

He flicks it open, looking through the book a little, "Woah, that's stupid."

He starts laughing and she nudges his arm so she can look, '1st June the 1975'.

"I've never seen anyone say 'the' before they write the year."

"That's weird, suppose we say it like that half the time though."

He hums in agreement, finger tracing over the words of the page, "1975, Jesus, this book is old."

"You getting it?"

He shrugs then shakes his head, "Nah."

"Fine, then I will."

She adds it atop her Streetcar Named Desire book pushing them aside as she goes back through the records, picking out a few more for herself and some old sixties ones for Adam.

"The 1975." He says again.

She rolls her eyes, "You're not going to shut up about that are you?"

"Nope."

He hears the chime of his phone and digs it out of his back pocket, flicking it open to see the text from the guy he used to go to school with.

"Ah, great." He grins down at the device, typing out a reply.

"What?"

He drags her to her feet, carrying her things for her, "This guy I used to go to school with is training to become a tattoo artist, he's the one that's done all ours. He has a free spot this afternoon."

"Are you getting another one?"

"Yeah, wanna come with?"

"Can I get one?"

"Can you forge your mother's signature?"

She nods without a second thought, "How'd you think I went on that skiing trip? Mam never would've let me go if she knew I needed permission."

He chuckles, putting the things on the counter to get scanned, and leans his side against the table, "What will you get?"

She shrugs, "I don't know, like a circle or something?"

"Why?"

She answers with another lift of her shoulders, "Or a box, like a little frame."

"Why?" He asks again.

"Well, I have like twenty minutes to decide on one. The shape is simple, easy. No pressure, and I can fill it later on, or cover it when I decide."

"What are you having?" She asks as they smile at Mr Bolas before taking the little paper brown bag full of their new stuff.

"Finishing off my we are king's tattoo."

She nods, "We should get a matching one."

"Like what?" She turns to him as he holds the door open for them to walk outside.

He looks up in thought, "1975."

She shakes her head, "That's really stuck with you, huh?"

He nods, "It's just so-" He trails off, "Weird."

He looks back down at her when he finishes and she shrugs, "Sure."

"Sure?"

"Why not?"

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

"Look."

Tommie looks up from where she's waiting, tearing her eyes away from the George Orwell book in her hands to see Matty's freshly wrapped tattooed skin. Showing not one, but two new tattoos. '1975' then a large rectangle box, much like the one she'd decided to have.

"Are you joking?"

"What?"

She moves her arm to show her 'the 1975' tattoo on her wrist. "You said the."

"Well," He shrugs, sitting beside her, "It looked a bit silly."

She moves her untatted arm to punch at his one and he gasps when she hits the freshly inked skin. "Ow."

"Good," She turns away, "Now I look like an idiot. I don't even know anyone born in 1975."

"It's cool." He tries to reassure and he glances at him in the corner of her eye, "Cool?"

"Yeah... cool. Edgy. Modern."

He nods, more to reassure himself than her and turns away, "I'm sorry, it's still matching."

"Let's go before I kill you."

"You could never."

"I could," She shrugs, "And with the amount of criminal minds I watch, I could get away with it."

He nods in thought, "You know what else you could get away with?"

"Hmm?"

"Being in a really cool band."

She rolls her eyes, "Matthew..."

He sighs, "Come on, Tommie, why not? What's stopping you?"

"A lot actually, money, job, school, mam-"

He rolls his eyes, "You can still go to school, I mean, you've basically finished your GCSE's anyway."

"I'm not skipping out on my A levels, I have dreams, Matty."

"Dreams?"

She nods, "I want to be a writer, and do good things. My English teacher, she entered me in a poetry competition, if I win I get to publish my own book."

He watches the light rise in her eyes, her cheeks tint pink as she hides herself behind her hair, keeping her gaze low on the floor and tilting her head down so he can't see over the baseball cap.

"That's great, but what then?"

She looks up at him raising a brow, "You release a poetry book, it's good, yeah, but what happens to it? You die, grow old, then years later they study it in schools making kids hate it and not actually understand it, so what?"

"So what?"

"Turn it into songs, put it out there for people to study now, to enjoy, make music, let people feel what you feel-"

"They can do that with poetry too, you know."

"You love music, you're the biggest music geek I know despite your lack of any knowledge of anything outside of Arctic Monkeys-"

"Hey, I like the Cure too."

He ignores her comment and continues on, "You're the second best guitar player I know- after me of course- you can sing really good, don't deny it, I was at Mrs H's birthday I heard you-"

"I was drunk-"

"Still good."

She sighs and looks away from him, it's a sharp sigh, in and out quickly. Her hand grips the tote bag on her shoulder, the plastic wraps around her tattoos scrunching up and making an awkward uncomfortable sound.

"What if it goes wrong?" She asks, he closes his mouth at that watching her ginger eyebrow raise in question, "What if we spend years hopelessly putting out music for no one to like it, for nothing to happen, what if we're stuck living in a dingy van in the middle of a field because none of us have a single qualification between us to get a solid job?"

"That's a lot of what ifs," He says, then he grabs her hand, squeezing it, "But what if we made it?"

"Matty, I-" She sighs pausing in their walking to look up at him, "I'd love it if we made it, if we got to share your music with everyone, but, it's not me."

"But it can be."

"Matty."

She turns slowly, but he catches her arm, walking around her to stop her from going on, "No, listen please."

"I have only ever dreamed of one thing in my entire life," He says desperately, "One thing. This band, me, Hann, George, Ross and you, the five of us. Just like those summers in the shed."

She turns her whole head away and he moves to be in her line of sight, "Please, Tommie."

"I-" She sighs again, "I'll help. But, I'm not being in the band, but I'll help. I'll help Adam with guitar riffs and look over your lyrics if you want. I'll even let you borrow, with credit, some lines from my notebook."

"Great, welcome to the band."

"Not in the band."

"Tommie," He says sternly, "You've always been a part of the band."

~thank you for reading! part two is being published later on today with the next parts coming next week! Sorry that the first few chapters and slow and jumpy, just trying to get to the good parts

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 9/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Laura Les/osno1 - ditch a body in the laundry (feat. Dylan Brady): i'll make no secret of it; i've been a sad little dog this past month. and this song is like PERFECT sad little dog soundtrack material (the whole ep is, and lots of laura's work if we're honest... but more on that later). there's this absolutely ice-cold novocaine hatred instilled in it, the kind of agony that stings the skin because the very action of having to exist as a physical animal hurts so bitterly. i'm really terribly obsessed with it and have also cried a lot to it and i really like the addition of dylan because while his part is short it's very good. links to this post also

House Of Pain - On Point: i lovvvve house of pain omg ^-^ their second album is kind of a cult classic and while idk if i'd say i like it better than the first, it's still real good. and this is a banger single. that horn riff? awesome. we did this one for videos night (which i am still planning more of!!) and it was fun. there is a little surprise slur moment in the last verse which is. y'know. but as far as the sound goes i think this is basically unparalleled, i could listen to songs that sounnd just like this forever and ever

Radiohead - How To Disappear Completely: did i mention that i was sad. bc i was. this was another song i turned to when lying in bed late at night and just really going through it. the idea of being able to disappear off to somewhere, anywhere that wasn't where i was...... well you get it. tears a gal up. it's almost like this is a good song on a good album or something

Madness - One Step Beyond: yeah okay a couple songs from the skaugust WILT stuck around. i just adore that fucking deep growly riff that comes in after the spoken intro, i can never ever get enough of it. and it's so danceable but still maintains that narstyness. good good shit i love ska so terribly much and especially the rockingest rocksteady beat..... of MADNESS

Nirvana - Blew: this should probably be higher tbh but it's close competition. despite remaining relatively unknown when held up next to something like about a girl, blew is SUCH a highlight from bleach (and i do really like bleach). the way kurt's voice lays over the main riff makes it so chunky and layered but it also feels dissonant, like it was accidental or improvised. every day i become slightly more of a nirvana fangirl.... there's worse things to be

Ada Rook - UNDERNEATH IT ALL: GOD i fucking love this album. it can be really dumb sometimes but it's so just. grrrrrrrrrh. ada rook is one of those musicians who just Gets It, i've often said that her music is the type of music i wish i could make. and the addition of ash nerve on this one creates that nice balance between abrasive screaming cyber rage and prettier clean sung choruses and harmonies. kind of the same effect the two achieve on angel electronics projects but i prefer the overall sound of this a lot

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard - See Me: does anybody have the video of that weird as fuck animation with this song over it....... i watched that and was like idk what to do with this but the song jams i wonder who this is. and i found it in the notes and was like ahhhh that makes sense. the glizzard. and yeah idk the descending melody that kind of quavers around the lead line is just really otherworldly and takes me in right away each time i hear it. it's cool

The Specials - A Message To You Rudy: i feel i've said pretty much everythingg i wanted to say about this song. it's just one of the catchiest damn things ever

House Of Pain - I'm A Swing It: hey they're back!!! this one doesn't stick in my head as much as on point but again the sound is just immaculate and there's always so many corny-but-actually-really-good lines. it also always interests me how much everlast referecnes rock musicians and the like. he knows the audience lol

laura les/osno1 - nothing just hanging out: less of a song really, but still so representative of that coldness that represents me. none of the cemetary stuff is gonna be available on spotify, those are my local bandcamp files, and i don't have an individual upload of this track on youtube nor the time to create one, so i just put in an upload of the full ep. just listen to the whole thing it's really good and not that long. but yeah sorry lol

Mark Morrison - Return Of The Mack: i think this appeared on a previous WILT but i mean. talk about the catchiest things ever!!!!

Crisis Sigil - Blood Semen Box-Elder: a favorite album cut from the new crisis sigil. this release my first proper exposure to the project and mannnn that shit is brutal. this one esp methinks. once again. rook music good

Nicki Minaj - Roman Holiday: was listening to this one because of worstsongever and being like whoever nominated this doesn't know shit. this slaps hard. i was never like especially a nicki fan but this just straight up goes. weird as fuck but that's kind of the appeal. if you want a REAL bad song, that will come later

The Front Bottoms - Au Revoir (Adios): no not this one!! well. maybe a bit. idk i like folk punk but never really cared about these guys that much? but i've met some people recently who do like them and was like yeah i could give this another spin. i do admittedly alwways think of the post that's like "this gif is silent but it still manages to sound like shit." it's not as deep of a song as it's probably supposed to be, but i still think there's something there. a lot of folk punk songs focus around character writing that acknowledge their flaws, including (and sometimes especially) the narrator and this is a good example without coming out and stating it. it piqued my inch rest

Roxy Radclyffe - Exemption's Dominion: i'll be real i don't exactly "get" what this song is about but it is freaky and cool. i was really interested to see the music video when it popped up in my subscriptions. the part of the song that does get stuck in my head is the little two-word pitchshifted phrases in one of the verses

Haggus - Uneducated Politician: someone recommended "mincecore" to me, and these guys in particular. weird as fuck sound but i think it's fun! maybe it's just the bad recording quality but the growls on this track in particular come out sounding reallll fucked up, which is what drew me to this selection in particular. still got a lot to learn about this whole scene but it's made it this far with me!

MC Boing - Car Song: tbh i don't tend to really like danny harle, i don't mind him but it's just not really my deal. this one got me, though, despite being dumb as all fuck. we are driving in a car car car car car car. mc boing indeed

Eminem - FACK: you did this to me, worstsongever (R.I.P.). it's annoying to me that i actually don't completely hate this thing.... it manages to be so stupid it loops back around to being funny for about a minute and then it just gets so old so quickly. but somehow still found itself stuck in my head :( many such cases

[groovesnjams]

“Silver Lake Neophyte” by Third Eye Blind

DV:

They’ve long since stopped pretending to be anything other than “Stephan Jenkins b/w the musicians he hasn’t alienated yet” and songs like the Bethany-Cosentino-featuring “Again” show that their quality control is slipping, but it’s impossible for me to write off Third Eye Blind when they can still turn out songs like “Silver Lake Neophyte.” It’s an improbably rich text, as latter-day Jenkins goes: is “Look at those hands/ You're all purity/ With a splash of St. Germain” a commentary on how the woman he’s talking up is drinking a liquor that was trendy over a decade ago, an admission that he doesn’t know what liquors are trendy anymore, or both? The song eludes definitive interpretation, balancing on “I think”s and indirect discourse where it’s never entirely clear which person is speaking. It’s as if Stephan Jenkins finally listened to The 1975 and decided to rise to the challenge, though he’d probably say he’s never heard of Matty Healy; no one this side of Mariah Carey is better at starting shit with their peers. "Silver Lake Neophyte” is a song where he dismisses an aspiring songwriter with the line, “Don’t sing about the suburbs...An Elliott Smith clone's all you'll be”, which sure doesn’t match the Elliott Smith I remember but also god, what an insult, tearing down both Smith and the artist Jenkins is addressing simultaneously, and exposing an ugliness in himself in the process - by the way he reduces Smith to navel-gazing solipsism and the way he sets his multi-millionaire sights on a novice who’s just starting to perform.

But then he pivots. “Well, what's wrong with a pose?“ Jenkins sings, “We all invent ourselves as we go.” It’s as generous and welcoming and true as the Elliott Smith line is petty and small. And together the two encapsulate what makes Jenkins fascinating a quarter century after “Semi-Charmed Life”, what makes it impossible to fully dismiss him when he says something like, “It’s so weird to me that [Radiohead] get to be in an article and nobody mentions ‘Creep.’” Radiohead have long surpassed “Creep” in the public’s mind, while Jenkins is still known for his first album’s singles. The way he casually equates his band to arguably the most acclaimed rock group of the century is delusional! And at the same time, I know which band’s catalog I’d be fine with never hearing again. Radiohead could never have written something as messy and revealing as “Wounded”. And equally, Matty Healy will be very lucky if in 2037 he’s writing songs as dense and fraught as “Silver Lake Neophyte.”

MG:

Everyone reads this song like the lyrics are all voiced to this woman, the one standing outside the club, the one it later becomes clear he’s breaking up with, but she feels more like a clothes hanger to me. This bizarre collection of low self-esteem and soaring ego is Stephan Jenkins’s black velvet pouch filled with rubies, diamonds, jewels and, as such, these thoughts are for him and the rest is incidental. He is, as always, fantastic with the way he carves up casual intimacy from cigarette smoke and liqueur -- or, to collapse in time, and as he once put it, “a sink full of dishes and some aqualube.“ “Silver Lake Neophyte” is a song about how Jenkins is scared the world is starting to change and leave him behind. He’s anxious before an open mic and uncertain that this relationship is the right move for him, even as she says she’ll “find some good shit/ in the ruins.” It’s very obviously him who has found some good shit in the ruins, him who is delighted to have met someone he can dog with an Elliott Smith comparison (and, I know the answer as I ask, when did slighting Elliott Smith’s catalog come back into fashion? Of course, for Jenkins, perpetual dweller of the late-90s it never went out of style!) and him who mistook dubious sex with someone half his age for “looking longingly at the scene.” It’s a gift to be this oblivious and this free, as confident that soft, simple desire is inferior as you are confused about the passage of time. He’d love to be both honest and insulting, but more and more, he’s just honest.

[strawberryw1ne]

haikyuu music headcanons 

an this came to me at midnight and wouldnt leave me alone until i wrote it down. third gym boys. 

includes - akaashi keiji, kuroo tetsurou, bokuto koutarou, tsukishima kei 

AKAASHI   loves vinyl, and therefore listens to a lot of old music. whatever he can find for cheap at the record store usually goes. his personal favourites are tom petty and elton john. 

akaashi’s playlist free falling, tom petty  you make my dreams (come true), daryl hall & john oates american girl, tom petty and the heartbreakers  tiny dancer, elton john  starman, david bowie 

KUROO  wasn’t all that into music until someone told him about warped tour. now, if they’ve been on the lineup, they’re probably on kuroo’s playlist. he loves any kind of pop-punk that was popular in 2008. good charlotte and blink-182 are high up on his list.  

kuroo’s playlist weightless, all time low what’s my age again? blink-182 ohio (come back to texas), bowling for soup riot girl, good charlotte of all the gin joints in the world, fall out boy 

BOKUTO  tends to listen to the same stuff that was on the radio when he was younger. 90s/2000s hip-hop is a frequent on his playlist, because he finds the fast pace better when he works out. he’s a big fan of usher, and will never admit to it but he’s a huge britney fan. 

bokuto’s playlist yeah!, usher, lil john, ludacris low, flo rida, t-pain temperature, sean paul toxic, britney spears promiscuous, nelly furtado, timbaland

TSUKISHIMA  has an inexplicable hatred for big-name record labels. it’s not that he gets off on knowing more ‘underground’ music - he just prefers the concept of a group of friends messing around to the idea of a stuck-up band of rich boys writing radio music. he wishes he could’ve seen røyls live before they broke up, and he has a thing for unsigned riot grrl bands. 

tsukishima’s playlist savages, røyls wish we never met, whohurtyou have you ever heard of radiohead, queen chimera smoke & mirrors, the wild & free next to me, o.d.l.

[stuonsongs]

My Top 10 Favorite Songs of All Time - 2006 Edition

2021 Editor’s Note: I was looking through some old files and found this thing that I wrote sometime in the summer of 2006 at age 22. For all I know, it could’ve been 15 years to the day! Looking back, I’m not sure how many of these songs would still make my top 10. Don’t get me wrong, I still love all of these tunes, but I’m sure you know how it goes - You get older, you get exposed to more things, and your idea of good music expands. Anyway, I thought it might be nice to share with anyone who still uses this site. I present it in its original format without edits to my writing. I ended up writing full posts in this blog about some of these songs if you go through the archive. 

Stu’s Top 10 Favorite Songs…Ever

Let’s start with some honorable mentions. These were so close, and I thought about it for so long, but they had to be left off.

Honorable Mentions

All Summer Long – The Beach Boys

All Summer Long. 1964. Capitol

This song has been described so many times as being “the perfect summer song.” When you listen to it, you can’t help but smile from the opening marimba intro, all the way through. It just screams “summer” and it hurt me to leave The Beach Boys off my top 10.

Bleed American – Jimmy Eat World

Bleed American. 2001. Grand Royal

So full of energy, so rocking, and so what would’ve been the most recent song on my list. I wanted to keep it in the top 10 just so I could have a song from the ‘00s, but it wasn’t meant to be. When the chorus kicks in, I can’t help but headbang.

Marie – Randy Newman

Good Old Boys. 1974. Reprise

Randy has said that a lot of young composers pick “Marie” as their favorite Newman song, and I can see why. The idea of a guy having to be drunk to tell his wife that he loves her is pretty funny, and throughout the whole song it’s just the beautiful melody with tons of strings, all to a tune about a guy ripping on himself as he comes home drunk to his wife.

Does He Love You? – Rilo Kiley

More Adventurous. 2004. Brute/Beaute

I guess this is newer than Bleed American, so it would’ve worked too. This is another more recent song that it killed me to leave off the list. The outro is an arrangement of the main tune with a different chord progression performed by a string quartet. Very beautiful. Also when Jenny Lewis screams “Your husband will never leave you, he will never leave you for me,” I get chills every time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So here it is. After a long day’s work, I’m finally finished. It actually turned out much different than I was thinking when I first started. The number one wasn’t really even in my top five when I started, but I slowly realized I loved it so much. I also left Ben Folds (Five) off this list completely, and I don’t know, I just feel the whole catalogue of Ben is so solid, none of the songs stick out to me that much. But anyways, here it is! After the break of course…

Stu’s Top 10

10.

(Love Is Like A) Heat Wave – Martha and the Vandellas

Heat Wave. 1963. Motown.

This one beat out “Bleed American” just barely. The reason being that somehow, despite being nearly 40 years older than Bleed American, it still has so much energy that it kills. Dan Bukvich once told our Jazz Arranging class that you can boil all the oldies you hear on the radio down to three categories: 1) Great Song. 2) Great Performance. 3) Great Arrangement. This song is one of the great performances. The handclaps throughout, combined with the driving baritone sax behind everything and constant snare drum action will keep anybody with blood running through their veins dancing all night long.

9.

Bodhisattva – Steely Dan

Countdown to Ecstasy. 1973. MCA

This song is my Freebird. It’s just a basic blues progression song at its core with some minor changes at the end of the form. The real kicker that drives this song home is the three minute guitar solo in the middle that isn’t nearly as rocking as Freebird, but it is highly proficient and takes me to places that just make me want to play the song over and over again. I have no idea what this song is about, probably Buddhism, but hey, this once again proves that lyrics rarely matter and the music itself is the core.

8.

Zanzibar – Billy Joel

52nd Street. 1978. Columbia

This song reminds me of long car rides on vacations down the west coast with my parents growing up. They used to play a tape of 52nd Street, or at least their favorite selections, constantly on these trips. I didn’t hear this song again until early in my senior year in college and remembered why I loved it so much. The song has a heavy jazz influence, displayed in the breakdown where Jazz trumpeter Freddie Hubbard does a solo. The best part of this song though is at the end of the 4th line of each verse, Billy does this “Woah oh oh!” thing that just makes me want to sing every time. It was between this and “Miami 2017 (Lights Go Out On Broadway)” which is also a great song, but the “Woah oh oh!” is too much for ol’ Stu boy.

7.

Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) – Bruce Springsteen

The Wild, the Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle. 1973. Columbia

Early Bruce Springsteen records have something that very few other artists can ever pull off without sounding cheesy or forced. It has this undeniable sense of urgency, like the world will fall apart and life will crumble through your fingers if this one moment in time doesn’t work out the way Bruce describes it. There are so many early Springsteen songs that just set a scene of “We have to get out of this town right now girl before it kills us, no matter what any of our parents, friends, anybody has to say.” There’s a line that kinda sums it up: “Well hold on tight, stay up all night ‘cause Rosie I’m comin’ on strong. By the time we meet the morning light, I will hold you in my arms. I know a pretty little place in southern California down San Diego way. There’s a little café where they play guitars all night and all day. You can hear ‘em in the back room strummin’, so hold tight baby ‘cause don’t you know daddy’s comin’.”

6.

I’ve Got You Under My Skin – Frank Sinatra

Songs For Swingin’ Lovers! 1956. Capitol

This song falls into the category of great arrangement. This Cole Porter classic tune was arranged for Sinatra by Nelson Riddle. The story goes that he was still copying down parts for the players while riding in the cab to the recording studio on the day of recording. After the players ran through it once with Frank, they stood up and applauded. The Baritone sax takes control here, outlining a Db6/9 chord throughout the intro. Of course, Frank’s vocal delivery is spot on and goes up and down in all the right places for the biggest emotion impact. It’s amazing how a song with no real chorus can be so good.

5.

A Change Is Gonna Come – Sam Cooke

Ain’t That Good News. 1964. RCA Victor

This song was not even going to be on this list, but then I ran across it while scouring my collection of music and remembered how good it was. Then I listened to it and was blown away by the level of detail that went into this arrangement. Sam’s vocals soar above the mind blowingly beautiful arrangement. The lyrics to this one actually add to the tune itself, speaking of wrongdoings in the world around him, and how social change is on its way in the form of the civil rights movement. The song flows with such ease out of Cooke that one might forget the weightiness of the content, but the song’s content is just so heavy that it’s impossible to deny it.

4.

Whatever – Oasis

Whatever EP. 1994. Creation

This song was released as a Christmas present to the U.K. from the Gallagher brothers and company. It never appeared on any full album, only being released as a single, and amazingly, it blows away anything else they’ve ever done. Think “All You Need Is Love,” but with tons of rocking energy and a snide, nonchalant attitude. The chorus speaks, “I’m free to be whatever I, whatever I choose and I’ll sing the blues if I want. I’m free to be whatever I, whatever I like, if it’s wrong or right, it’s alright.” Not exactly poetry, and the song isn’t exactly breaking any new ground either, but the song is absolutely perfect in every way, and it was going to be my #1, but perhaps the only reason it’s not at number one is because I’ve played this song so many times that at the moment, these next three are beating it, but who knows how I’ll feel in a few months. This song also pulls the same “outro performed by a string quartet” thing as “Does He Love You?” but even better. It’s so simple, but I can’t get enough of it.

3.

Mr. Blue Sky – Electric Light Orchestra

Out of the Blue. 1977. Jet

This is obviously the best Beatles song that the Beatles never wrote. The staccato guitar during the verse combined with the strings present in just about every ELO song combine to make a force that is undeniably catchy and musically challenging at the same time. This is really what makes ELO so good. I didn’t discover this song till probably Nov. 2005, and it was one of the best days of my life. I didn’t want to include two songs by the same artist in my top 10, but if I did, I probably would’ve added “Turn To Stone” on this list too because it is almost as awesome as this one. It’s a shame that just like Billy Joel, most critics at the time hated ELO for being overly creative musically (they called it pretentiousness). These days we have acts that really are pretentious (see Radiohead), but everyone loves them, even critics. I’m not knocking all Radiohead, just most everything post OK Computer. Sorry, got a little sidetracked there.

2.

Only In Dreams – Weezer

Weezer. 1994. Geffen

This has been my favorite Weezer song since about a month into me picking up Weezer’s debut album back around early 2000. It has this ostinato (a repeated motif over and over again) in the bass throughout most of the whole song, never even really resolving to the Gb major chord (excluding chorus, which never really resolves) that it wants to until the end of a 3 minute contrapuntal guitar duet when everything dies out except the bass which just retards on its own until it finally plays the single Gb we’ve all been waiting for. The song on the whole up until the guitar duet is pretty tame, but once those contrapuntal guitar lines start intertwining, my ears perk up every time. I can sing both lines at separate times upon request and when the drums finally kick back in fully at the climax of the song, I let out a sigh of relief or bang on my car wheel in exultant joy, whichever is more of an option at the time.

1.

All Is Forgiven – Jellyfish

Spilt Milk. 1993. Charisma

I always loved this song from the first time I heard it, but I didn’t realize how much I loved it until maybe April 2006. I found out about Jellyfish first semester of college in the Fall of ’02 and heard this song, and knew it was great. The constant tom-tom driven drums, the fuzzy, almost white noise distorted guitar, and the half time bass throughout. It was great. Then in April I put it on my mp3 player for the walk to school, and then I listened to it for about two weeks straight. Seriously. It runs into the next song entitled “Russian Hill” which is almost as good, but because it’s a separate song, I couldn’t include it on the list, but in my mind, they always run together and are basically one long 9 minute song. The ending just gets more and more white noise filled until you can barely take it anymore and then it just cuts off completely into the slow acoustic intro for Russian Hill. It’s perfect in every way. I think this would fall into the category of great song. And the way the song builds up right to the middle of the song and then cuts out completely except for some very VERY faint xylophone noodling, and then busts back in with some feedback directly into guitar solo. Man I love this song.

[yehet-me-up]

Frozen North ~ Night Three

PAIRING: Chanyeol x reader

GENRE: Horror/Suspense/SPOOP in general/light romance (because who else would I be?)

WORD COUNT: 2,160

RATING: PG13 (nothing gruesome, but knowing me there will be swearing)

SUMMARY: You run a late night radio show dedicated to telling scary stories and urban legends, the creepier the better. Listeners call in and share their own, creating a small but loyal community of folks like you who love this sort of thing. One night, a man calls in with what sounds like an all-too-real story and before you know it, you’ll do anything to make sure he’s safe.

Frozen North Masterlist

‘I don’t like this,’ Daniel says, coming into the booth with his bag slung over his shoulder. ‘Shit like this gives me the heebie jeebies.’

You stare at the number on the screen, running an anxious hand through your hair. ‘I don’t like it either. Something is seriously wrong here.’

He folds his arms and leans against the door frame. ‘And you’re sure this isn’t some stunt?’

Your eyes widen at his insinuation. ‘Do you think I’m doing this?’

Daniel sags with relief, awkwardly coughing. ‘No, I just- I’m glad you said it’s not you but… would have been nice if this was all some game.’

‘Yeah, it would have been.’ You stand and quickly close down your station. ‘I don’t think it is.’

He shuts off the studio lights, holding the door open for you. There’s a hauntedness behind his eyes that makes you shiver in the darkness. 

‘Me neither.’

When you get home the first thing you do is find food to shove in your face. The life of a grad student isn’t the most glamorous, but you make the most of it. Normally you try and cook a balanced meal, even though you get home so late. But tonight you grab a pack of mini muffins and pull out your laptop. 

You need answers, and you won’t sleep until you find them.

Grabbing your phone, you shove a muffin in your mouth and text the number, trying not to feel like you’re slowly going insane.

Y/N 12:31 AM: Chanyeol? If you’re there can you please tell me if you’re alright?

While you wait, you email yourself the photo from his FaceTime call. A reverse image search turns up nothing and you frown. Searching the most obvious place, you type his name into the advanced search on Facebook. 'Chanyeol’ garners 526 results. None of the first dozen or so listings look like him. You try to search Alaska but it brings up two profiles with default Facebook anonymous photos.

Frowning, you bite your lip. Instinct makes you type in ‘Seattle’ and instantly his profile comes up. You gasp and almost upend your laptop onto the floor, narrowly catching it with your quick reflexes.

His profile is set to private. ‘Dammit.’

It doesn’t give you much. A high school in Redmond, Washington. It says he attends the University of Washington too. Once for undergrad and now for grad school. No indication of years attended or major studied. No job listed. No friends list to dig through. The void of information makes you ache.

But it does give you one key thing - his last name. Park.

In under a minute you have his instagram profile pulled up. loey61.

It’s absolutely him. Gone are the fear and exhaustion from his face, he looks so real and alive and energetic in his photos he reminds you of the sun. As you scroll through his feed your heart squeezes insistently in your chest. His smile dominates his face, crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes as he laughs in photos.

Videos taken with a shaky hand at concerts. Sleepy selfies with his hand on his chin and his hair a mess of odd angles. Photos from a weeklong trip he took to Japan last year. 

It feels as though you know him, but you’ve never met; you’d have remembered the man with brown eyes and a voice like a roll of thunder. 

The bars he goes to with his friends are the same ones you frequent with your friends from school, with people from the station. He has no less than ten photos over the past few years of Suzallo library - the stained glass and the soaring Gothic architecture that surrounds your favorite study spot.

How have we been orbiting each other for years and never met? From his captions you gather he’s studying the anthropology of music. The buildings are right across from each other on campus. You frown and chew on the inside of your cheek. So strange.

Rallying your mind, you click on his most recent photo, dated a week ago. A photobooth photo, if you had to guess, of him in his bedroom playing the guitar, a pick between his teeth. The caption is the guitar emoji and the dancing man emoji.

The comments are what worry you.

Hey Chan, where are you? You missed my gig Monday at Showbox, what gives?

Helloooooo are you alive? Did Radiohead call you to tour and you’ve abandoned us?

Yo what time are we meeting for that study group on Thursday i totally forgot to write it down hahaha

Mom’s getting worried C, why aren’t you answering your phone?

The last comment catches your attention and you click on the profile. 

The family resemblance is uncanny, and the photo of the two of them from Christmas wearing matching reindeer antlers confirms it. With a shaky hand you click on the message button. ‘Shit, what do I say?’

You decide to just be straight with it. I think we should talk. My name is Y/N and I’m a radio host in Seattle. I think your brother has been calling in. Unless he’s the kind of person to pull some kind of crazy prank, I think he’s in danger. My number is 206-972-6347 if you prefer to text me. The show is The Long Night on 107.9 KJWZ and he’s called in the last two nights. The recordings should be up on our website.

It’s 1:57 AM at this point, so you don’t expect a response. There’s not much else you can do at the moment, so after dragging yourself through your nighttime routine you crawl into bed. 

As a last bleary thought you pull up his IG profile and send him a message.

I really hope you’re alright.

Aside from the usual messages from your friends, instagram alerts, and the like you have nothing from Chanyeol or his sister. With a sigh, you get ready for class.

Through a meeting with your thesis advisor, two seminars, a class you TA, and three hours in Suzallo studying and writing and trying not to watch for him, you anxiously check your phone every few minutes. Nothing.

By the time you arrive at the station you’re feeling anxious and desperate. On any other day it would amuse you how much you care about some random person, but this doesn’t feel random. It feels like fate, or some cruel joke God is pulling on you. 

Daniel gives you a tight-lipped smile when you come in the booth to set down your bag and coat. ‘Any word?’ he asks, eyeing the way you clutch your phone tightly.

‘No.’ You sigh, ‘I found him online, though.’

For once he doesn’t say anything back, just nods for you to continue.

‘I found his Facebook and his Instagram. I reached out to his sister. There’s all these worried comments…’

Suse stands up from the desk in the booth when she sees you and sets her headphones on the stand. She hurries into the room and puts an arm around you. ‘How’s it going with the mystery man? We’re all dying to know.’

You lean your head on her shoulder briefly before showing her the blank screen on your phone. ‘I messaged him last night, but there’s nothing. I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight, but I’m afraid for him.’

She sighs and snaps her fingers. ‘Dammit, I was hoping this was just a prank.’

‘Me too-’ you start, but get cut off by the dinging of your phone. You haven’t had it off silent since 2008, but this is a special occasion.

You pull up his message, heart thundering in your chest, and watch as photos come through. Six of them. Finally, a video. 

The photos are dark but they show a smooth white surface, lit by a moon high in the cloudy sky. All slightly blurry and from different angles, but it’s no mistaking this is the ice he’s been talking about.

‘Hey, I don’t mean to interrupt but it’s-’ Daniel starts, pointing at the clock.

‘So don’t,’ Suse says and waves him off.

You hit play on the video and the sound of wolves howling and wind makes your stomach drop. It’s only eleven seconds but it feels like it takes an eternity.

‘Oh, shit,’ Suse says behind you.

‘I know.’

‘No, look.’ She points to the vague outlines of dark lines on the video. ‘Are those bars?’

You play it over twice more, turning the brightness up and squinting. ‘Fucking hell, I think you’re right.’

Suse nudges your shoulder. ‘You should try to call him, he just sent these.’

‘Good idea.’

You hit the call button and wait while it rings. The longer it goes, the more Daniel points to the clock showing 8:06, the higher your anxiety rises. Finally, it ends. An automated message tells you yet again that the subscriber has not set up a voicemail box and you want to scream.

Frantically, you send him a text. Where are you?

‘If he doesn’t message me by intermission... I’m calling the cops.’

Suse shrugs on her coat and whoops. ‘Atta girl. I have to pick up Jimmy from work but if you need anything, call me. I mean it.’

‘Thanks.’

She leaves and you stare at the phone and the way those three little dots aren’t appearing. Daniel makes a noise of distress and you sigh. ‘Alright alright, I’m going.’

The show goes smoothly as it can. You thank yourself profusely for having Sundays set aside to pre-script the shows for the week. Lord knows where you’d be right now otherwise, with how much this Chanyeol situation has taken over your thoughts.

You and David the regular discuss the latest episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved. Someone going by the handle CryptidAndProud reads a decent Jersey Devil-inspired story they wrote. A weird crop circle in South America gets a good amount of traction. All the while you tap your foot and watch the clock tick on. Every few minutes you check your phone, refreshing your messages and instagram, hoping you’re not missing anything.

Just before the 10pm intermission a call comes in that makes you sag with relief.

1-907-613-2458 - UNLISTED NUMBER - NOME

You smash the answer button, cutting off one of the callers who is commenting that the crop circle ‘kind of looks like a dick from the right angle, right?’

‘Hello?’ You hardly recognize your own voice - high, frantic, worried. For long seconds the only thing you can hear is the distant sound of scuffling and what sounds like another man’s voice in the background. ‘Chanyeol?’

‘I’m here.’ He sounds so tired you feel it in your bones. ‘I don’t- I’m surprised I’m still here, honestly.’

‘Why is that?’

‘She came to me this morning. Before dawn,’ he says. The phone crackles and you hope the call didn’t drop. ‘I don’t want her to take me. I want to live.’

Suddenly, you want to cry. It seems incomprehensible that on Monday you didn’t know him at all, but by Thursday you’d give anything for him to be okay. You want to scream at him, asking if he’s safe, but you swallow it down harshly.

‘I want that too. How can I help you? Do you know where you are? I saw bars-’

The call cuts out and static fills the air. 

‘Hello? Chanyeol?’

Nothing. Your mouse hovers over the end call button but you can’t force yourself do it. The silence of the studio settles over you, not comforting like it usually is, but strangling, suffocating. You hate it with every fiber of your being. Daniel rubs his eyes in the booth, looking at stressed as you feel.

Clearing your throat, you hit end. The digital switchboard lights up, all sixteen lines filled with flashing lights. People out there, waiting to comment. 

‘Well. I don’t - I don’t know what to say. You guys have known me for years, most of you anyway. This isn’t something I’m doing. I think this is… something real. Something dangerous. If any of you know anything about Chanyeol Park, please call in. This has to end. I’ll be right back.’

You motion to Daniel and he queues up the ad break. With a sigh you slip off the headphones and they clatter onto the desk. Stroking your thighs anxiously you debate calling the police right this moment. Your phone rings, vibrating so loud against the wood of the desk you reel back and almost smack the back of your head on it. 

It’s not him and you want to howl. But it’s a Seattle number, and you’ve only given yours out to one person this week. Hitting accept you lift the phone. 

‘Hello?’

A woman’s voice comes through. ‘Hi, it’s... me Yoora. Chanyeol’s sister.’ She sniffles, she sounds as though she’s been crying. ‘I listened to your show. I think we need to meet up.’

~~~~~~

Tagging @yeoldontknow​ @enthusiastt​ @itskindofafairything​ @gogh-suck-it​ @nshitae​

[calumcest]

you can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to 🎵🎶

rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

ta @clumsyclifford for tagging me despite knowing what shambles my music taste is honestly a brave woman <3 also before i start this off i want to say this playlist is 15 hours long and only has like 40 britpop songs on it so just in case spotify keeps spitting britpop out at me i want to put a disclaimer here

all i need - radiohead. this is a BANGER god maybe i would die for thom yorke...maybe i would 

tomorrow’s money - my chemical romance. okay i know lots of people dont vibe w this song but it was actually my favourite mcr song for a while i think it SLAPS i love the ‘i stopped bleeding three years ago while you keep screaming for revolution’ bit 

backseat serenade - all time low. i stand by this being one of their best songs simply for the ‘aren’t you sick of sleeping alone’ and the final ‘oh god i’m sick of sleeping alone’

song 2 - blur. i wont apologise for this its a fucking ANTHEM and that aside ‘i’m never sure why i need you’ is one of my favourite lyrics 

lost in reality - 5sos. okay this is literally one of my top 3 5sos songs it fucking goes off so hard i dont care what anyone else says and yes the lyrics are shocking but its no just saying this song is almost on par w babylon and lwh for me 

slide away - oasis. now this song slaps i have to say i love the way its played on definitely maybe very dirty and raw but noel did an acoustic version of it and i think i prefer that one although i prefer liams voice on it @ liam odds on a cheeky slide away acoustic? 

take on me - a-ha. this song goes off theres nowt better to dance around the kitchen to w your housemates while you try to make a lasagne but forget the pasta layers and just end up doing bolognese-bechamel-bolognese-bechamel for like 4 layers 

the carpal tunnel of love - fall out boy. i think i have almost the entirety of infinity on here bc its genuinely such a banging album top to bottom 

durch den monsun - tokio hotel. HAAAAAA okay this song fucking goes off thats all i’ll say about it everything tokio hotel released up to humanoid was wall to wall bangers 

that’s the truth - mcfly. the verses of this leave much to be desired but thats made up for by what a SEXY chorus it has danny jones you have my whole heart

rockafeller skank - fatboy slim. i will not apologise for this one it fucking goes off its on an advert right now and me and my housemates would sit watching the chase and scream this out when it came on during the ad breaks good memories 

the boy who could fly - pierce the veil. i cant lie to you selfish machines is a fucking class album i always dither between that and cwts for best album but i think sm edges cwts out a little for me anyway ptv havent done anything worth listening to since 2012

the good the bad and the dirty - panic!. again doab...solid fucking album only edged out from the top spot by how fucking brilliant v&v is nearly witches...tune of the century 

canals - all time low. this is one of the best songs off dp and its annoying that they only put it on dpiln but its fine because we got it and also they released dp on my birthday so i have to forgive them for anything they do 

dani california - rhcp. WHAT A SONGGGG i’m not really big on rhcp generally but they have some absolute fucking TUNES and this is one of them you tryna tell me youre not gonna scream out BLACK BANDANA SWEET LOUISIANA 

karma police - radiohead. goddd this song...is a tune and a fucking half i remember when i saw rh it was the last song they played and the entire bus back to where we needed to go people were singing it on the bus and it was just lovely

playing with fire - ndubz. okay listen...i’ve been on a bit of a kick w this song its actually a fucking banger except in the chorus where it goes yes you did it (eh) the eh just sounds like he’s doing finger guns yk. i cant explain it but it really does

vegas girl - conor maynard. GODDD okay i wont actually take criticism on this one i know its conor maynard but its a fucking BANGER it sucks but it slaps 

unorthodox - wretch 32 (ft. example). i forgot this song existed until like 2 weeks ago and ive been listening to it loads bc its fucking brilliant although it gives me slight rizzle kicks vibes 

if we shadows (demo) - oasis. only right that we end on oasis maybe spotify is respecting me today...i fucking love this song except the bit where he says me and my brother with the fucking biggest plosive ive ever heard anyway this is just lovely i love noel’s voice i really do and i love him doing acoustic things very pretty...

god i think literally everyone has been tagged at this point so i’m just going to tag people even if you’ve already been tagged you’re getting tagged again @calumsclifford @kaleidoscopeminds and @pxrxmoore 

[onestowatch]

Gia Woods on Finding Her Identity Through Music [Q&A]

Gia Woods is taking the LGBTQ community by storm. Through her music, she’s inspiring many from the community to embrace their own identity. Growing up in a strict Persian household, Woods struggled to find herself. But through music, she was able to express herself in ways she never thought were possible. She released her debut single, “Only a Girl”, in 2016. The song served as her coming out song. Since then, Woods has been a voice to many going through the trial and tribulations of finding their true identity. 

 We were fortunate enough to get to know Gia Woods a little better with the release of her brand new single, “Naive”. From what she’s been up to during quarantine, to her experience with The Calvin Klein Pride campaign, she let us into her amazing life.

 Ones To Watch: First off, how are you doing during all of this craziness?

Gia Woods: I just spent the past 30 minutes cracking an egg on my forehead for TikTok content, so you tell me. Jokes aside, I’m actually doing okay though. I’ve been writing a lot. It feels very familiar because it reminds me of when I was younger and would lock myself in my room and write songs on my guitar all day. I was a loner!

What have you been doing to pass the time during quarantine? 

I haven’t been watching too much Netflix, but I did rewatch Madonna’s Truth or Dare documentary the other day. It actually pulled me out of a creative funk, watching this strong badass in one of the biggest moments of her career. Other than that, I’ve definitely been going on more walks. This pandemic has really made me appreciate the smaller things.

Who has been putting out some of your favorite music during quarantine? What have been your jams?

There’s been so much good music to come out these past couple months, but I’ve actually found myself revisiting my old CD collection. I’ve been listening to Nelly Furtado’s Loose, Green Day’s Dookie and Queen’s Night at the Opera a lot.

Have you been doing a lot of writing during your time inside?

Of course! I’m a writer, so that’s one of the best ways for me to keep my brain busy. By the time we’re out of quarantine, I’m going to have like five full albums written!

What are some of your hopes that everyone can take away from our time of social distancing, staying home, being with family, etc.? (i.e keeping the planet cleaner, appreciating family more, etc.)

There’s definitely been more of an appreciation of the smaller things in life that we take for granted, whether it’s phone calls with friends or getting out and appreciating nature. I also think this time has forced people to be more creative! I’m so inspired seeing the way people are creating some really cool stuff while they're alone.

 Can you tell us a bit about The Calvin Klein Pride campaign and it meant for you to be a part of it? 

So, I actually have a crazy story… A year ago, I released a music video for my song “New Girlfriend,” and when we were brainstorming, we were really inspired by the casual feel and black and white aesthetic of Calvin Klein ads. It’s crazy that a year later, I’m in my own campaign...I feel like I manifested that in a weird way? It’s also so cool to be in a campaign with so many badass trailblazers. Like Pabllo Vittar, are you kidding me? He’s a drag queen in the most dangerous country to be openly gay, and here he is thriving and playing huge festivals. That’s so inspiring. I still can’t believe I’m part of this campaign. I’m waiting for someone to pinch me and wake up from this dream.

How has your heavy involvement and influence within the LGBTQ community influenced your music?

I’m so lucky to be a part of such a supportive community, and I’m honored to be able to provide representation for queer and questioning Persian youth that I craved so much growing up. Sonically, I’m not sure being lesbian really influences my music -- but being Persian definitely has. Actually, some of the songs I’ve been writing lately have a strong Middle Eastern vibe to them.

Tell us a little about this new release! What steps did you take in the making of it?

I was getting out of a toxic relationship that felt like a never ending cycle of back and forth, but this time I knew it was really over. I remember going to the studio that day emotionally drained from this breakup. I kind of lost my identity, but writing this song really helped me remember who I was and made me fall in love with making music all over again. This is the kind of song I had been wanting to make for years.

What’s your writing/recording process look like?

Usually I come up with the chords when I’m at home and I’ll bring them to a studio session. This song was a little different. I worked with a producer duo called The Orphanage. I told them I had wanted to do something that had a Radiohead vibe to it and they nailed it almost immediately. As soon as I heard their riffs, me and my co-writer Barkley wrote the lyrics in an hour.

What was the inspiration behind the production?

I was really inspired by late ‘90s alt rock, like Radiohead and No Doubt. I think a lot of what we’re hearing on the radio these days feels very clean and commercial, so I wanted to embrace a bit of a rough, raw sound.

Why the name ‘Naive’?

I had two different ex girlfriends tell me that they never felt like I was as invested in the relationship as they were. During this studio session, I brought this up and we thought it was crazy that they both said that. I did care about them so much, but I wasn’t naive… it felt like they had such high expectations of what our relationship should be and I thought it was naive to be that invested so quickly. The first verse really sums it up: “All my exes said the same thing / maybe they’re right / I’m the high they’re always chasing / but they’re never mine.”

 Can you give us a little background on the lyrics? 

My favorite line is in the pre-chorus, where I sing, “I’ll love you, but let me do it recklessly.” It’s kind of saying that I’m going to love you with all that I can, but I didn’t want my girlfriend to have expectations of what our relationship looked like. I think romance movies are so cheesy… I think it’s healthy to have fights from time to time? Without it, what’s the point? Where’s the passion? That just feels boring to me. I feel like a lot of people fantasize about the ideal relationship, but I’m the opposite of that. I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. Actually, I’d prefer that they’re not.

 What are you really trying to get across with this release? What mark do you hope to leave for everyone listening?

This goes back to how I feel about pop music… I think a lot of the stuff we hear these days sounds so sterile and reductive. I think a lot of current artists are just copying their peers and that doesn’t make sense to me. I wanted to reference the music that I grew up with. And with that, I hope my music has the same effect that Madonna and Green Day and Radiohead had on me when I was younger in that it was an escape for me. I hope my music can also be an escape.

 Lastly, what more can we expect from the great Gia Woods?

Well, I was supposed to release my debut EP, Cut Season, in June and then go on tour to support that, but coronavirus had a different plan for just about everyone on the planet. So we’re reworking our release plan to figure out what makes sense. But if you like “Naive,” you’re going to love Cut Season...I promise that!

Stream “Naive” below:

[notquiteaghost]

capable of coming out alive

the magnus archives, gen / jon&daisy, 1.4k, on today’s episode of Jonathan Sims’ Failing Mental Health: dissociation!

AO3 link in notes

“Jon?”

“Jon?”

“Jon. Jon.”

The Archivist’s office is a quiet, dark space. Bookshelf, chair, desk, boxes. No natural light. No external noise.

“Jon, Jesus Christ–”

Blonde woman, short hair, dark clothes, scowling, scar across eyebrow from a ring on a fist, speaking. Speaking? Shaking, hand, cold palm, still always cold palms, steady, Daisy. Alice? Daisy.

Coffin, crawling, too close can’t breathe trapped trapped my eyes shut and the sound filled my ears–

“Jon I swear to God.”

Shoulder, shaking. Hands shaking shoulder. Daisy’s hand, Archivist’s shoulder, Archivist’s body. Jon’s body.

Jon blinks.

“Daisy?”

She looks– frantic. Worried? Her hand is still on his shoulder and she’s staring at him and her forehead is all lines.

“Did you. What?”

“You weren’t responding,” Daisy says. Her voice isn’t soft, but it isn’t harsh. “I just wondered if you wanted anything from the chippy but you didn’t react at all, you weren’t even blinking. What was that?”

Dissociation is any of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experiences.

Depersonalisation refers to the experience of feeling detached from, and as if one is an outside observer of, one’s mental processes, body, or actions. Derealisation refers to the experience of feeling detached from, and as if one is an outside observer of, one’s surroundings.

“I, um. I.” Jon’s hand flaps once, twice. “I– Martin– it’s. When.” Flap, flap, flap.

Martin is two floors up and an indeterminable number of meters to the west and distant, removed, absent and Daisy doesn’t know BSL and Daisy wasn’t nearly killed by Prentiss and Tim is dead Sasha is dead Martin is unreachable there aren’t any words just static

Jon’s hands still flapping one shaping gone gone gone Daisy frowning Jon’s eyes drawn again to pile of statements tape recorder clicks hums static gone gone gone

“–Jon, I need you to focus. Listen to me, Jon, listen to my voice, focus on me. Just on me, nothing else, did I ever tell you Basira took me on a date to an ice rink once? Worst idea, neither of us have the balance for it. I fell over every time I let go of the side. Took weeks for the bruises to heal.”

“The first time she kissed you,” Jon’s mouth says.

Daisy’s mouth corners turn up, momentarily. “Yeah. Then we fell over again.”

Another tape recorder click. Jon’s lungs expand, contract, expand. Daisy is wearing her coat. Someone in Research is listening to Perfect Neglect In A Field Of Statues.

“You done spacing out on me?” Daisy asks. Jon nods.

“You want anything from the chippy?” Daisy asks. Jon nods.

“You okay to leave?” Daisy asks. Jon nods.

Daisy nods back, places her hand on Jon’s arm, walks outside. The chippy is a ten-minute walk. The sun is shining. Daisy hums Radiohead and keeps her grip on Jon’s arm loose but firm. The chippy isn’t busy. The man behind the counter has worked there for six years. Daisy pays in cash, gets the food wrapped in a bag. The bag is warm.

By the time they walk back into the Archives, Jon feels almost like a person again.

Daisy guides him to sit, puts his portion of chips and can of Coke in front of him, sits down next to him with her own cod and chips. Melanie takes her burger and chips back to her desk and does ungodly things with vinegar and mustard. Frankie in Research is still listening to Eluvium.

When Jon is over halfway through his food, Daisy breaks the silence.

“Does that happen a lot?”

“It’s not…” Jon goes to run a hand through his hair, but his hands are covered in chip grease. “It’s not a Beholding thing. Or, not just a Beholding thing. Do you know what dissociation is?”

“Spacing out, yeah?”

“Yes and no. It’s– being disconnected? Feeling unreal, like you’re dreaming, or watching yourself from far away. It’s a trauma response, and,” Jon quirks his lips wryly, “my trauma significantly predates my employment in the Archives.”

Daisy nods. Melanie’s turned to face them, but doesn’t speak.

“It used to come on, though, like a panic attack. Now it’s just, constant.”

“What helps?”

Jon huffs a rough approximation of a laugh. “Good question.”

Daisy frowns at him – just like Martin would frown at him, concern laced with frustration, and it stings. Martin is two floors away. Martin is so far away.

“There must be something,” Daisy says.

“Adrenaline?” That’s one of the worst things, how real danger is. The only times he wants to check out are the only times he’s truly grounded. “Nicotine, sometimes. Tea used to, but I think my caffeine tolerance is too high now.”

It’s strange, being reminded this isn’t how everyone lives. That most people see this as a problem to be solved, not just how the world works. He knows it was better, once – the sound of his voice would turn jarring mid-sentence, he’d lose hours to fog, his reflection would be off for days, but it would pass.

It doesn’t pass now.

“Grounding exercises?” Melanie asks. She’s got her phone out.

Jon, abruptly, wants to scream. It’s good, of course, that they care – except it isn’t, it’s his fault they’re here, he’s a monster, he doesn’t deserve their concern or their care-taking – but he’s already had this conversation.

Martin’s hand on his back. Georgie’s hand in his hair. You don’t have to live like this, you idiot, let me help. So adamant he wasn’t a burden, would never be a burden, and, ha.

“I can’t– I–” He wants to scream. He stands, turns to the door, turns back, pulls at his hair. “I can’t, I can’t.”

This wants to be a meltdown. Would be, if he had the energy. If he wasn’t running on fumes, ricocheting between floating three feet to the left of himself and hypervigilant over-awareness.

Daisy is stood in front of him, a hand on his arm. A necklace hanging over her shirt, thin silver chain, small silver pendant shaped like a fox, gift from Basira. Her other hand on his other arm, holding him in place. Holding him together. He wants to hit something – she recognises the feeling.

“Hey,” she says, soft, “it’s fine, calm down. It’s just us.”

He nods, jerkily, and she moves one hand to his chest. Lifts it ever so slightly, until he inhales to close the gap, then back down, up, down, until his breathing evens out.

“Tomorrow,” Melanie says, from where she’s still leant against her own desk, “we’re talking about grounding exercises. I can bring alcohol, if you want.”

“Alcohol makes it worse.”

“Fair enough. Chocolate, then.”

“The cheap kind. Own-brand.”

Melanie raises an eyebrow. “You telling me you prefer 35p chocolate?”

“Name brand is too rich.”

“You, Jon Sims, are a right weirdo,” Melanie says, but there’s a grin in her voice.

“I rather thought we knew that already.”

“Don’t think you’ve much of a leg to stand on,” Daisy adds. “I’ve seen what you do to beans.”

“We’re not talking about our food crimes, we’re talking about Jon’s failing mental health–”

“No, I think I’d like to hear what you do to beans.”

“Avoiding your problems isn’t healthy, Jon, you need to confront these things head on.”

“I just agreed to let you make a five-step plan of What To Do When Your Archivist Has Gone To Space.”

“I don’t remember hearing you agree. You just said some terrible things about chocolate.”

Daisy has moved back to her own desk, and is flicking her gaze between them like she’s at a tennis match.

“Dairy Milk is two pounds and it’s the chocolate equivalent of the cinnamon challenge–”

“Your taste buds are defective. Were you force-fed an entire chocolate cake by Mrs. Trunchbull as a child? Is that your pre-existing trauma?”

“Yes, Melanie, that’s exactly it. I can also move objects with my mind.”

“…Okay, I am not done with your sinful opinions, but. Matilda – avatar of the Beholding?”

Daisy laughs, while Jon groans. “We are not getting into this again.”

“Look, I was making a perfectly reasonable point–”

“You were waving a knife at me!”

“I was pointing at you, for emphasis, and I just happened to be holding a knife!”

“Why! Why did you even have a knife!”

“I don’t talk shit about your pet tape recorders, you leave my knives alone.”

Jon throws his hands in the air. Daisy is still laughing at them. Melanie smirks, triumphantly. Jon throws a chip fork at her.

[worrywirt]

The music video for There There by Radiohead is a masterpiece and here is why

So, as many of you might know already, There There and Nude are my two favourite songs by my favourite band, Radiohead. They are two very unique songs that move me in different but equally intense ways. But what makes There There extra special to me is the video, which managed to combine basically all the things that I love: spooky forests, little animals in clothes, hollow trees with winding roots, references to fairy tales and literature and a dream-like, voyeuristic atmosphere. I am first going to analyse the song itself, then how combined with the video, it is one of my favourite pieces of media I have ever seen.

Lyrics here. As the song starts off, it already feels like the listener is dropped inside a weird, intense primal world. I love percussion-heavy music and when I first heard it, the use of tom-toms and alienating, hardly recognisable sounds already reminded me of one of my other favourite artist’s best-know song: Björk’s Human Behaviour. I can’t really explain it if you don’t hear it, but both have this hypnotic, primal quality that beckons you in right off the bat. Then Thom’s mournful voice sings: “In pitch dark/ I go walking in your landscape/ Broken branches/ Trip me as I speak”. Not to go all A-Level English on his ass because let’s be honest, Thom’s lyrics are often nonsensical and vague, but I love this verse so much. It goes perfectly with the instrumental, starting off in a way that is like the start of a story; the words painting you a picture that is both dreamlike and frightening. To me, it describes falling in love in a way: “I am walking in your world, and I don’t know the way, and it’s all new and confusing and dark and sometimes I say the wrong things but I am still exploring, and it’s beautiful”

After this start that frankly hits you in the chest like a basketball in year 9 PE, we are treated to a combo attack with the lines “Just 'cause you feel it/ Doesn't mean it's there”. In classic Radiohead fashion, all the perceived optimism from the first verse is denied from us, basically saying “just because you feel a connection, it doesn’t mean it’s real”. Trust issues central. But it can also be interpreted to mean emotions in general, which is usually how I (a very emotional person) interpret it: feelings technically aren’t real. And the way you perceive the world while you are Going Through It™ is not always correct. No, everyone doesn’t hate you because their world isn’t centred around you: stop obsessing. It’s okay. There, there. (This is also reinforced later on with “someone on your shoulder”, basically saying it’s just your brain playing tricks.) Additionally, some think it’s referring to a dream, which would fit thematically with the music video.

The next verse to me is about the temptation of a bad decision while Going Through It™. Yes, it would be very easy to do the wrong thing, to go off this path that is making it really hard to get up in the morning: but it would also ruin you. I also interpret “don’t reach out” as coming from the siren (i.e. surprise, surprise: depression) – it wants you to self-destruct, to be a “walking disaster” but that, however tempting, is the wrong thing to do. The use of “we” also works with the “someone on your shoulder” line, and to me (however cringy that sounds) it means that music will always be there for me and help me work things out. It can also be applied to the relationship angle: the couple are in the same boat (/ship), and if one of them does something self-destructive, it will affect both. Both of these options work with the “Why so green and lonely? (…) Heaven sent you to me” lines. It’s interesting because the religious interpretation on Genius always annoyed me – Radiohead are the least religious band ever! This is the only religious reference I can think of from the top of my head, minus “angel” in Creep – but because it’s so rare, maybe it has a reason to be here? Maybe it IS about God after all, but I don’t really think so. Also, to me the imagery of “green and lonely” and the nautical “siren” and “shipwreck” have a much bigger weight visually than “heaven”, so they negate the religiousness in my eyes. I think it’s about two broken people finding each other, but also finding it hard to figure out how to fit together. They’re thinking that it might be a lost cause and destruction is right around the corner, but the best they can do (is good enough) is try and be there for each other while they head towards their ultimate end. Very comforting in a twisted way, which is Radiohead’s specialty.

So, let’s talk about the VIDEO!!! I’m writing this after an HQ version was FINALLY released on their website, so I’m going to use screenshots of that because oh my god, it’s beautiful. 

We start off with the “pitch-dark landscape”, more-or-less just as I imagined it while listening to the song. Although it is kind of drab and boring at the start, this only emphasises the magical quality of what it becomes later, as our protagonist Thom (I’m going to call him by name but I’m obviously referring to the character, not the real person) heads deeper and deeper inside. Oh, how I love forests in the dark. Nothing else has the same perfect ambiance.

Thom is walking in a way that matches the rhythm and the dreamlike atmosphere of the song, i.e. somewhere between an alien who just learned the way the Earthlings walk and the exaggerated, slightly sped-up movements of a silent movie star. We already know he has an affinity towards both bowler hats (Lotus Flower video) and pantomime-like acting (ANIMA) so this is truly on brand. He then sees dark clouds pass at a breakneck pace (again, the dreaminess of it all... chef’s kiss), then confused and lost, heads back into the forest which this time looks a lot less boring and “real” then at the start. The dark clouds can be interpreted as a warning of things to come (“stay out, not safe”), which he ignores or just a sign that something is off and we’re not in Kansas anymore.

So as he turns back, we’re treated to my first Favourite Moment: Thom finding the beckoning yellow light and deciding to follow it. The way he is acting suggests both curiosity and sneakiness, like he suspects the thing emitting the light is much better than his original destination (if he had a destination at all). 

I love the way the light is illuminating his eyes here, it again reminds me very much of old movies (and Morticia Addams in the 90s movies, but probably because the filmmakers also took inspiration from the same well)

Oh my god, just look at this shot. Beautiful. Lothlórien who?? I only know magical glowy Radiohead forest. Because yes, we’ve obviously crossed the path between realms the minute Thom decided to pursue the yellow light (which can also be connected to the “siren singing you to shipwreck” in the lyrics). This is now the land of magic and fairy tales, and strange things are afoot. 

Again, I gotta stop analysing for a moment and just note that the amount of serotonin this gives me would fuel 10 people for a year. For anyone who doesn’t know me well enough, animals in little clothes living in little well-arranged dwellings inside a tree are in the top 5 things that make me happy, and combined with Thom Yorke Radiohead peeking in the window like an innocuous tourist… and the warm light illuminating the miniatures… perfection. Okay, moving on.

Thom is exploring this strange world of anthropomorphic animals like an awkward giant, without seemingly anyone noticing him. This adds to the alienation seeping from the music: this is a weird and wonderful place but you don’t belong here (sorry for the Creep reference, swear it was not intentional). He first saw a pair of squirrels, chilling in their house; then a big banquet; then a cat wedding (power of 3, the fairy-tale number). If we are going with the dream metaphor here, these might be alluding to things happening in real life, especially the wedding as he actively walks away from it, but this is just a speculation. Mostly it just shows that these animals are living in a happy little community and we love that for them! But it also make me feel like this is a coping mechanism for our protagonist here. Apparently Thom (the real one) got the idea for this video from a children’s TV show called Bagpuss: I had a look and it’s the tear-jerkingly comforting and nostalgic stop-motion series that everyone needs one of in their lives (I have several, both English and Hungarian). The subtitle “The Boney King of Nowhere” refers to a song in episode 2 about a king who wasn’t comfortable on his throne: according to this link, this resonated with Thom, who found himself on a pedestal he never wanted. (It’s kind of funny that a little kid’s song about a king’s bony ass has such a sick name though). He also wanted the original creator of the show (Oliver Postgate) to animate the video but he declined. Anyway, the "fifties East European genre animation, overlaboured and naïve” aesthetic, to me, symbolises comfort and warmth that our protagonist doesn’t feel at home in.

So off he goes, into the dark heart of the forest. Also, important to note the patch of fog that keeps showing him the way: is this the siren’s song physically manifested, pulling him away from the warmth of community? (”don’t reach out, don’t reach out”)

He then climbs up and sees a golden coat on a tree inside some kind of ancient ruin. This to me immediately brought to mind the Golden Fleece from Ancient Greek myth, which was the fleece of a magical ram that hung on an oak tree. It signified kingship, linking back to the subtitle. Thom sneaks to the tree, looks up at the ravens (7 of them: another fairy-tale number) and when he sees they are sleeping, tries on the coat. I found it interesting how at this point the coat looks quite ordinary, drab and brown – possibly a metaphor for a decision that you know is bad but you do it anyway; and by the time you realise it actually didn’t feel as good as you thought, it is too late - he listened to temptation (the sirens). He even takes the boots from inside the tree, which reminded me of SO many of the folktales that I grew up on: it’s not enough that the bad sibling did this one bad thing, they even did ANOTHER bad thing, which cements the listener in believing them to be irredeemable and worthy of the awful fate the tale has in store for them. The ravens (birds of death and in this case agents of justice) wake up – Thom has a little “oh shit” close-up and then start running for his life in his new attire.

Addition: another theory I found interesting among the comments is that this place is Limbo -  “

The gothic look of the ravens chasing Thom with the rising full moon is such a huge contrast to the warm, comforting glow of the stop-motion animal town, but it makes sense with the crescendo of the music and it’s dark and menacing cacophony: “we are accidents waiting to happen”. This was Thom’s mistake: and now there is no turning back. (Quick note: his running here reminds me once again of the Human Behaviour video – I am working on another similar essay that concentrates on how Radiohead and Björk are mirrors of each other so look out for that). 

He thinks he is saved for a moment by the magical seven-league boots (another folktale reference) but it is only a false hope. He gets his punishment and turns into a tree by what we can assume to be a painful and terrifying process (I love his facial expression so much). The ravens arrive and we realise that this is most likely how the previous tree met his or her fate. The cycle continues. He is now the Boney King of Nowhere.

One of my favourite mental images is people taken over by nature: not in a decomposing way but more like a Hanahaki disease way. Thom turning into a tree reminded me of a couple of things: one, my other favourite piece of entertainment Over the Garden Wall, which is very similar in tone to this video (if I ever meet Thom, I genuinely only want to ask him if he’s ever seen it and if yes what his thoughts are on it). SPOILERS for OTGW: the Beast turns lost children into trees and uses oil from the trees to keep his lantern alive, which is basically his life source – in this case the tree-person seems to be the living beating heart of the forest. The way the tree-curse is transmitted also reminded me of how the lantern was (nearly) passed down to Wirt. Basically, it is an inheritable burden. Two, and this isn’t my interpretation but I thought I’d mention it: Daphne & Apollo, wherein Daphne hides from Apollo’s sexual advances by turning into a tree. This doesn’t really fit the tone of the scene in my opinion, because Thom’s transformation is an involuntary punishment; but it kind of connects to the other reference to Greek myth, Odysseus and the sirens (both chasing after women, or the impossible dream). Three: Dante’s Inferno, in which the second ring of the seventh circle is the Wood of Suicides where “the souls of the people who attempted or committed suicide are transformed into gnarled, thorny trees and then fed upon by Harpies, hideous clawed birds with the faces of women; the trees are only permitted to speak when broken and bleeding”. Whomp whomp, it was a suicide metaphor :/ And it wasn’t a dream, it was Limbo - a thematic preoccupation of the band, so not impossible.

A comment I found relating to this: “After death you have to cross over. He got distracted by the nice and shiny shoes and jacket (don't reach out), hence the siren that leads you to shipwreck (Odysseus). When you want to enter the spiritual realm you have to be able to leave the material world behind or you shall not pass. He was distracted, got caught and changed into a worldly tree (he was still to attached to the material realm). The so-called reality we live now is the dream. (Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there). He remembered that he died and came back to this illusion. We are stuck in a lift....” I really like this interpretation of Thom’s downfall being too attached to materialism/ fame & fortune. I wonder what he meant by “came back to this illusion”? Also, who are the animals in this scenario: aspects of Thom’s life or other people, stuck in Limbo/ every-day oblivion?

This wouldn’t be the first or last time Radiohead explores the concept of death, so I don’t think it’s far-fetched. And it fits with the lyrics too, as I’ve discussed briefly above: this is what happens when you listen to the siren (the fog, the light) and stray away from the cute animal town, Thomas! I’m joking because it is kind of a bummer to end it on this, but I just love how dense and layered this video is. Most of their videos are top-notch but this one just hits a really sweet spot for me, so yeah! 2500 words! I’m glad you came along, pardner! Goodbye till next time!

[howamidrivinginlimbo]

The endless cycle of Radiohead’s Kid A and Amnesiac

I’m a huge Radiohead fan, they’re my favorite band and the album I love the most is without a doubt Kid A, followed by Hail To The Thief and A Moon Shaped Pool. Amnesiac’s probably in fifth place, which means I still find it an exceptionally good album. The reason I love Kid A so much is because I’ve always thought there is a story behind it, evolving with every song. I can clearly see the storyline and that adds extra depth to the music. Recently, I listened to Kid A, and the day after to Amnesiac. I started looking for a story in Amnesiac as well, and I think I can say that I found one. But what I found blew my mind away a little: I always thought the story was a chronological one, going from Everything In Its Right Place to Motion Picture Soundtrack. But in my opinion, it goes on in Amnesiac, and after Life in a Glasshouse, it just goes over in Everything In Its Right Place again! I’m aware this must sound very vague and maybe it’s something only I have experienced. That’s why I want to share this story with you. It’s quite depressing, so if you want to keep your happy experiences with these albums, you maybe shouldn’t read further. (But I can’t imagine these being happy albums for anyone, haha) Furthermore, these are my personal opinions and I’m telling these as facts, because I would get very tired of saying ‘in the way I see it’ etcetera every sentence. Warning: it’s a long read (>2000 words) and English is not my first language, so there will be mistakes.  Let’s start with Everything In Its Right Place. An individual is introduced, details don’t matter, let me call him ‘he’ to make it easier. He lives in a very organised/controlled society and works in a factory, to do boring work with an assembly line. You could ask if they really need people for that, but he is actually more of a machine than a human being. He speaks in a robotic way and is clearly programmed according to the rules of society, in other words, he is extremely indoctrinated (on the level of authority, laws and morals). Kid A: he goes back home, a small place, and there he actually starts to question if the allegiance and happiness he experiences, is based on real things. That’s the ‘white lie’ he talks about. With ‘ventriloquists’ and ‘heads on sticks’ he realizes how similar machines and human beings are, because morals, emotions, maybe even free will, aren’t natural, just learned when coming of age. And he is only part of a giant system, a robot who doesn’t have anything to say. Of course this makes him depressed. In the end there is even a rebellic sound in the form of leading the kids, who aren’t that indoctrinated yet, away, because they are the ones who can still be saved. (As for the rats, I think that’s just a reference.) But the sound in the end is one of helplessness, he does nothing and/or can’t do anything. The National Anthem: He goes outside and because he is not that indoctrinated anymore, he is shocked of all the people who do all exactly the same thing. There’s even a gathering on behalf of the state and he experiences agoraphobia and social anxiety being surrounded. Suddenly horns (maybe the voice of the Great Leader) come in and make everyone completely obedient and in sync. He puts his fingers in his ears and somehow manages to evade the same effect. Towards the end of the song the other people leave and he is alone, suddenly startled by the horns swelling on again. The government has noticed he isn’t controlled well enough and the horns make him feel terrible pain, the blood coming out of his ears and nose. At the end of the song he has collapsed and is lying at the front of his house, crying. How To Disappear Completely: Pretty much a continuation of the previous song. He deals with the fear and especially sadness that come with being locked up in this society, no freedom. He wants to be somewhere else. On the top of this anti-society message I get, there is also a nihilistic view coming on. At some points in the song, he has some ‘it all doesn’t matter anyway’ vibes coming off him. Near the end, he decides to actually escape (although it’s not made clear how and IF he escapes). Treefingers: The scenery has drastically changed. There is the North Pole, the Arctic Sea, and there are endless blocks of ice, and weird blue light coming out of the ice. There is no creature around him, and he seems to step out of his body, and forget himself. There is just the endless emptyness of the north, the ice that comes back every ice age, the sea that rises and goes down again. Cracks in a glacier and looking in those, seeing a cold, empty world. Little caves in enormous ice blocks. Diving under the frozen surface of the sea and being in a dark blue nothing, with white light coming from above. Seeing aurora borealis there. Ice bears. Orcas. All you feel, he feels, there is, is fascination. Optimistic: A taste of what it feels like living outside of society. The ‘he’ is gone, we are millions of years earlier, and it’s the end of the dinosaur time. A small herbivore dinosaur and his friend try to survive, but snow is already falling, and the sky is black. When trying to find some food, his friend gets wounded and some time later is left to die. The dinosaur tries to keep walking, evading enemies, that are everywhere, but the snow is deep and there are no plants left. With the words ‘dinosaurs roaming the earth’ he sees a dead T-Rex and dies himself, marking the end of the dinosaurs. In the last tones, when Thom starts singing ‘ooh ooh ooh ooh’, we fast forward in history, with mammals evolving, animals like saber tooth tigers, and human apes, and there, finally human beings, who go from hunter societies to industrialized cities and at the end a dead person is shown, marking the end of the human race. The extra bit is showing how every process is a cycle, even stars, and complete parts of the endless universe are destroyed before new stars etcetera are evolving. The feeling here? For the individual, there is only pain and fear, but taking the whole universe into account, the individual experience doesn’t matter that much > nihilism. In Limbo: This is my favorite song (maybe of all time) and it’s very hard to describe. The ‘he’ is back and he is lying on his back on a raft in the middle of an endless sea and there is no one around him. The most important are the feelings here. First there is the fear. He knows he is lying there, with the risk of falling into sea. He knows there is no one to help him and he will die of thirst on that raft. The only other thing he can do, is drown himself, which he isn’t exactly eager to do as well. Secondly, there is the sadness, because of his coming death and because of his loneliness. The last ‘emotion’ is the lack thereof, the nothingness, the nihilism. With ‘come back!’, for example, the emotions are coming back, but that is for a short amount of time. He stays lying there apathically, forever, dying and not caring, maybe even giggling about it. The most depressive thing I can picture, ever. This is a song that doesn’t make you cry, but just makes you staring in the distance. Idioteque: He wakes up, in his bed, in his house, in the society. He never escaped at all, it was a dream, because you can never escape. He is confused at first, but then he panics and is deeply depressed. He is again in the cell of society and has obligations he doesn’t care about. He ends up going to bed again, lying there in the dark, hiding himself. Morning Bell: It’s morning, surprisingly, and he needs to go to the factory, but he stays in bed. Of course this song is about the wish of being somewhere else, being back on the Arctic Sea of In Limbo perhaps (which is not where you actually would want to go, but maybe total freedom and no safety is better than no freedom and total safety). And again, this song falls into emotionlessness (‘walking walking walking walking…’). Motion Picture Soundtrack: Still in bed and it seems our man hasn’t eaten or drunk for a while. The first verse is about lamenting this society, maybe even this life, where there is nothing to be happy about (if ‘happiness’ exists). The second verse makes everything a little more relative, the ‘white lies’ part of society isn’t spoken sadly of, it’s just that way. This song seems to be about acceptance, but he doesn’t accept life this way: he dies at the end, or thinks, hopes he’s dying, all because he hopes there is something better to come, a next life, perhaps something like heaven. Also important to say, during the second verse he starts to imagine an ice cave with high ceilings, and minerals that are glowing, and endless corridors and rooms and great halls, white and blue. He hopes that is his next life, just walking there forever, always moved by the beauty. It is not clear if he gets a next life or not. I thought the story ended here. I am an atheist and I don’t believe there is something like a next life, or heaven. But Amnesiac could be a resumal of that story, and has definitely more supernatural vibes than Kid A. Amnesiac as a resumal of Kid A could mean two things: there is either a next life, or the suicide didn’t succeed. I’d like to go with the last scenario. Our story continues! Packt like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box: The individual is alone, in a dark place, most likely a cave. He has been there for a long time. The cave is where he went with his mind when he entered the ice cave, he went deeper and deeper and travelled through different sorts, all underground. He’s not sad or happy, quite numb there. One thing is clear: this is not what really happened with his body, this is just where he imagines he is. I personally think the State has prevented him to commit suicide and his body is just lying under their watch somewhere. Pyramid Song: Still in the cave, but now on a river. This song seems to confirm that he didn’t really die, but he soothes himself. He wished he was dead and imagines the river Styx. The dream is beautiful, unhappy, but peaceful. This is all the individual wants, for life can bring him only misery, he imagines death as the best thing that could happen to him. Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors: This turns the image in a scarier place. Maybe because the State can do with his brains what they want. Doors seem to be about choices in life. For this individual, there are only closed locked doors, and of course the trapdoors. If we are speculating, it could be possible that the State prints the image of open doors in his head, so that he thinks he has any influence on his life. But the image stays scary and weird, because of the State and because everything is in life. You and Whose Army?: The defence of the individual against the State. He makes them ridiculous and suggests there are not enough of them to stop him. He wants to overthrow them with the powers of.. what? Nothing. He fights, but he has no power. The State heard this and decided to mess with his head further, as they do not like opposing persons. I Might Be Wrong: Still in the cave, but now by an underground waterfall. It is very beautiful and glides out of the cave, which means out of the coma he experiences now. He now has a more positive look on things, he has hope, which is a great contrast with the last few songs. There is no question that the State does this. Knives Out: Again a very different song. The individual is placed in a new home, maybe with others he considers as family. He is brainwashed, and he doesn’t remember much. He is amnesiac. But the State has punished him for his treason: the environment he lives in is awful. Everyone there is constantly bickering with each other and has to deal with constant hunger, fear and coldness. The only option left is cruelty and cannibalism, in order to survive. He is of course confused, but he sees himself several times as the victim he eats. He knows he is not any better than who he is eating. Morning Bell/Amnesiac: A song we’ve already heard. That time it was about wanting to stop everything, and thinking you could succeed in that (suicide). But you have no freedom, so you can’t commit suicide. This song is hopeless. The individual doesn’t stop working, but he is hopeless and emotionless. Happier tones tune in, but it’s too late. (Not my favorite song of Amnesiac, but this is, if I think it through, very sad and beautiful) Dollars and cents: Because of his good behaviour, he is placed into a better home with a job. He pretends he does his work like others and have an interest in the capitalist ways. Very soon, he hears of his coworkers and the State that everyone must be quiet. He does, but protests a little (maybe in his head). He stays quiet, but the State is crushing all people, all animals, the whole planet, all the places he went to in his head don’t exist, just battleground. The money is the only thing that’s important for the State and it destroys everything. Hunting Bears: It’s like he starts living in his head again (escapism), because it’s the only thing he can. He can’t find his cave anymore, or any beautiful landscapes, but just empty fields with mud and bombs everywhere, crows looking for left-over meat and bones. Fighting is the only thing he knows. Like Spinning Plates: A song about the prosperity and greatness of the State, and the little, poor, hopeless person he is. This is totalitarianism, the opposite of individual freedom, and thereby a stark contrast with songs like Optimistic and In Limbo. Now it’s pretty clear that living in freedom in constant danger is still better than with all your means under the control of a regime. Life in a Glasshouse: The individual lives in a house. He is aware of all the misery in life, but he starts to forget these things a little and decides to just do what he is ought to do, because he knows the State sees everything he does. As we approach the end of the song, he becomes more and more obedient and turns into the robot he is at the beginning of Kid A. This is only because of fear, and he isn’t well programmed that way, the reason it depresses him every time so much. He weeps himself to sleep and goes to the factory everyday, until the tears have disappeared and his face is blank.

And then we go on with Everything In Its Right Place again…

Thank you for reading this analysis of Kid A and Amnesiac! I hope your experiences don’t differ much from mine, as I enjoy these albums tremendously.

[grimelords]

I finally finished writing up my February playlist for your enjoyment but mostly mine. It’s 48 songs ranging from italian screamo to Celine Dion and you have my personal guarantee you will enjoy at least one of them.

Halftime - Young Thug: There's two parts in this song that are maybe my top two Young Thug moments ever. 1) when he says "I got water I look like I'm fresh from Hawaii" and then makes a noise like a dog shaking himself off 2) the world's longest tyres screeching sound, at about :47, it goes for fully 12 seconds and is absolutely perfect.

Hydrogen - M|O|O|N: Hotline Miami is a good ass game and this song is great but I've got to admit that I only really know it because someone edited a video to make a dog bark the melody line and I think that's very good. 

Vale - Bicep: The way the fuzzed out bass rhythm contrasts against how crystal clear and plastic futuristic everything else in this song is is just great. This song reminds me that I should probably listen to Kelala because I've only heard her in features so far and they've all been great.

Sittin' On The Edge Of The Bed Cryin' - The Drones: This is a sort of atypical Drones song because it's not about about a particular thing, it's just about a bad feeling and not being able to see your future because of everything lurking ahead of you. I think that's why I like it so much, because it's just sort of a song about saying 'I feel bad!!' and not having to give a reason.

Golden Dawn - Gospel: I really do think that The Moon Is A Dead world is an all time great album and that it rarely gets talked about anywhere is one of the greatest crimes of underappreciation in music. It's understandable, because it takes a lot for an uncool genre like screamo to get mainstream critical attention the way something like As The Roots Undo did, and mixing that kind of aggression with extremely uncool lengthy 70s prog keyboard solos... look, I get it. But somehow there's nothing uncool about any of this music; it's just deeply felt, radically composed and authentically performed. It's absolutely one of my favourite albums of all time and this is the centrepiece. I was taken with a fantasy this month of doing something very cool and transcribing the drum part of this song just to see it laid out in front of me because it is really a masterpiece. Also there is something very special about imbuing a lyric like 'hey you, you got a cigarette man? you know I know you got one on ya.' with so much gravity that you can't help but yell along.

I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times) (feat. Popcaan & Young Thug) - Jamie xx: Young Thug says he's gonna ride in that pussy like a stroller in this song and that’s when I knew I was in love.

Crow Jane - Skip James: Yet another good song in the pantheon of songs about shooting your wife for being too proud and then immediately regretting it because now you have no wife.

Le Merle Noir - Olivier Messiaen: I think it's really funny that in the classical music canon there is about one hundred freaks who got singularly obsessed with putting their best approximation of bird song in their music. Birds don't even sound that good but in the old days its the closest you had to a markov chain I suppose. Anyway this is a really nice piece that my girlfriend did as one of her flute performances in her music degree and I like it a lot.

Obsession - Animotion: I started watching Comrade Detective this month and the soundtrack is all sorts of very good 80s synthpop. This song especially stood out because in the show it was being performed with accordions in an illegal Romanian casino, but this version is good too.

Back To The Trees - Adele H: Nothing worse than being a musician named Adele and having to go by Adele H because Adele is well and truly taken. I found this album on a random blogspot and it truly felt like 2011 again. This song is like a primitivist hymn sung with a loop pedal, and if you're in the right state of mind it's very moving.

Aries - Lynx: I was doing some googling and ended up finding the band that Dave Konopka from Battles used to be in. This band is good because they're called Lynx and they have a song called Mrs Lynx, and I think it's both prudent and wise to write a wife for your band. This song however, is called Aries. I was hooked from the start-stop drums right at the start, but this is some of my favourite type of math rock. Clean, clear, concise and purposeful and never losing sight of the structure of the song as a whole.

Westham United (live) - Tera Melos: This is the best version of Westham United I've ever heard, and you can hear the lyrics a lot better here than the album version. Tera Melos live are so unbelievably tight it's insane, This is ferocious, god bless Audiotree.

You Let My Tyres Down - Tropical Fuck Storm: Tropical Fuck Storm is Gareth and Fiona from The Drones' new side-project and it sort of just sounds like the Drones with more female harmonies in the background which is good as hell. I love the weird little guitar frills in this where it's mostly pretty chordy and then he does these little hammery runs now and then that really liven the place up.

Fool - Mia Dyson: I have a big thing about Mia Dyson because she made three incredibly good albums and then left Australia to try to make it in America and unfortunately failed, and ever since then all her music has felt like she's aiming toward some kind of crossover appeal instead of just doing what she really wants. But luckily it's finally paying off because this new song sounds like Haim's first album and it's really good so everyone wins.

Are You Ready For The Country? - Neil Young: This is the song I envision playing over the air raid speakers through the city when it all goes down.

Living Through Another Cuba - XTC: Continuing that theme, Stereogum had a very good playlist of the other day called 80s Nuclear Anxiety and I discovered this incredible song in it. This song is good in headphones because someone's doing some very restrained zither playing every 4 bars and once you notice it it's impossible to stop hearing it. 

Release - Christoph De Babalon: I found out about this extremely bleak album from the really good reissue review pitchfork had the other day, and this is probably my favourite song on it because I'm basic and it's the most straightforward dnb on here. This album reminds me of Zomby a lot, not only in the music but in the approach where the structures seem to simultaneous reflect someone putting a lot of care into their music and not giving a fuck about it. The individual sounds are so meticulous but the structures of all the songs here are very meandering and feel like they could end at any time or go another ten minutes and you wouldn't notice.

Preachin' Blues - Son House: The idea of joining the preisthood as a way to get out of having to get a real job is a timeless idea that appeals to the teens of today more than ever.

1 di 6 - Raein: What I love about the internet is the way you can just type words in and it will manifest whatever you wish, like a sort of cursed wishing well. In this instance the words I typed were 'italian screamo' and the gift it bestowed was this incredible one-long-song album from Italian screamo band Raein that completely kicked my ass.

A Little Change Could Go A Long Ways - City Of Caterpillar: I've been investigating early 2000s screamo, and in particular Circle Takes The Square's contemporaries and it seems crazy that I've never heard this City Of Caterpillar album until now because at long last it's something that sounds comperable to As The Roots Undo. The extremely brooding, crescendocore post-rock intro that dominates more than half of this 10 minute song gives way to a complete storm. I am absolutely desperate for a screamo revival but it seems like nobody else is.

Jupiter - Cave In: This song is good but it also sounds like it's from a musical, I think it has to do with the clarity of his lyric delivery. It sounds like the difference between American Idiot and American Idiot: The Original Broadway Cast Recording, but it's also a very good song.

I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull: I woke up with this song in my head one day which is always a very good song. Also this song has a good sample chain: the beat's sampled from 75 Brasil Street by Nicola Fasano, which samples the horns from The Bomb! (These Sounds Fall Into My Mind) by The Bucketheads which in turn sampled the horns from Street Player by Chicago. How good is music!

Introduce Me To Your Family - Otoboke Beaver: My friend sent me this song because it came up mysteriously in his Discover Weekly and I'm so glad he did. It's good to know that japanese punk has been continuing on and getting more and more insane without me noticing.

Part 5/ The Sun's Gone Dim And The Sky's Gone Grey - Johann Johannsson: RIP to a good man. I was so sad and shocked to hear that Johann Johannsson had died last month. This album is a favourite of mine, and while this song doesn't have the weight it should outside of the context of the rest of the album it is still an incredibly heavy mood and a beautiful piece of music.

Heart - Bertie Blackman: This song feels like the alternate, evil version of Single Ladies by Beyonce to me and I get it stuck in my head all the time.

Acetate - Metz: I'm obsessed with the rhythm of this song, how it just tumbles over itself over and over in this lopsided way and the way that plays against the big straight forward power line of this song: I. WANT. YOU. TO. TAKE. IT. AWAY.

Bodysnatchers - Radiohead: It's funny to think of Johnny Greenwood as a film composer, and especially as the composer of the Phantom Thread when he does songs like this. This song is just straight up Riffs. The most air-guitarable Radiohead song outside of Creep.

Nameless, Faceless - Courtney Barnett: I'm so glad Courtney Barnett is back and her new song is an absolute killer! I can't get enough of it and I cannot wait for the album.

Can't Fight The Moonlight - LeAnn Rimes: This is a song written from the perspective of a vampire, and a banger. The instumentation in this is a perfect distillation of everything good about 90s pop. Especially the bizzare chunky guitar and orchestra stab that starts it off. The big bass sound and orchestra stabs in the chorus? I'm kissing my fingers like a chef right now.

Lava Lamp (Chopnotslop Remix) - Thundercat: It sounds strange but the chopped and screwed version of Drunk is fast becoming my favourite version. Firstly because it's very appropriately named Drank and secondly because the biggest obstacle to me getting heavily into this album was that it was just way too busy sometimes, a flaw that has been perfectly surmounted by chopping but NOT slopping the entire thing.

Someplace - Yamantake // Sonic Titan: I am desperate for more from this band. I absolutely love this mix of airy guitar and vocals suddenly moving into very classic metal. It's very theatrical and I absolutely love it.

Jejune Stars - Bright Eyes: Remember how Bright Eyes last album had extremely heavy Rastafarian But Not Reggae influences for some reason? I loved that. The guy talking about Pomegranates at the end of this song, and especially the way he pronounces pomegranate has become a staple of my inner monologue.

New Coke - Health: God Health are just so powerful. I want them to score a film some day soon, because they did a great job with Max Payne 3 and their sort of singular aesthetic is just so intoxicating. I go through stages of not listening to Health for months and then it's all I want to listen to for hours and hours very loudly.

3AM - Matchbox Twenty: Check this out: Rob Thomas has the exact same voice as Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance

Is That All There Is? - Peggy Lee: I was thinking about Trump's weird brain, which I believe to be a sort of smooth pebble covered in mashed banana, and so I googled his favourite song, and it is this. He says "It’s a great song because I’ve had these tremendous successes and then I’m off to the next one. Because, it’s like, “Oh, is that all there is?” That’s a great song actually, that’s a very interesting song, especially sung by her, because she had such a troubled life.". Listen to this extremely nihilistic song and imagine him swanning around with his weird body and singing along to it please.

New Town - Life Without Buildings: Life Without Buildings reinvented songwriting and nobody even cared. It's unbelievable. This song is an incredible end to their incredible album that feels like it was written just for me. I love Life Without Buildings!

Music For The Long Emergency - Policia & s t a r g a z e: Polica's new album with the stargaze orchestra is unfortunately kind of mixed but luckily the title track is very, very good. It feels like a real textural expansion of everything Polica's been doing before, to have so many more layers to play with really benefits them but the songs are thankfully still rooted in the drums, bass and vocals combo like usual and haven't gotten lost in the possibilities of playing with an orchestra. The synth sound that begins about halfway through this is so thick and so nice and really takes the whole thing in a different direction for the second half.

Carnival Of Sorts (Boxcars) - R.E.M.: I'm really loving R U Talkin R.E.M. Re: Me? and so far and the main difference I've found between it and UTU2TM is that every single R.E.M. song sounds exactly the same. They're very good, but it's one song. So when they go through the album track by track and talk about what the love about each one it almost sounds farcical. They could be playing the same song 12 times in a row and I wouldn't notice. That said, this one differentiates itself by starting with a weird circus organ before beginning The R.E.M. Song so I appreciate it for that.

Give Me A Smile - Sibylle Baier: As I understand it, Sibylle Baier was warned about the existence of music blogspots some time in the early 70s and started living her whole life from then on in the hopes of being the source of a good post. This album was released in 2006 and is made up mostly of reel-to-reel recordings she made at her home in Germany in 1970-73, except for this track which was included on a 1970 compilation called Folk Is A Four Letter Word 2 which I think was the only commercial recording she ever made before quitting music and acting entirely, moving to America and starting a family. 30 years later her son made a cd of the songs to give to family and friends and somehow one made its way to J Mascis of all people and he had it released on his label Orange Twin.

III. Toccare - John Adams: This piece came up in my Release Radar playlist because of the day a couple of years ago when I listened to Nixon In China twice in a row. I don't know anything about it but I love it a lot and am particularly in love with the bass guitar that comes in about a third of the way through and then disappears entirely. What a choice.

Saturdays (feat. Haim) - Twin Shadow: On Twin Shadow's last album he made a swing at Big Chorus all-out commercial pop and it didn't go perfectly so I'm very glad he's back to his old ways because this song is just amazing. Every part of this song is catchy. The chorus is so satisfying because it has about it has about three different sections and it builds beautifully. Haim are here doing great. It's just perfect and I can't wait for the album.

Because I'm Me - The Avalanches: Wildflower didn't get the respect it deserved in my opinion. It quite literally sounds like it could have come out the year after Since I Left You, which is a very good thing! I'm also a huge fan of fading a whole song down right in the middle just to play a sample of someone quietly saying 'hello?' like they're answering a phone.

Bats In The Attic - King Creosote & Jon Hopkins: I've never heard another album that sounds like this one. Every part of the recording just sounds so beautiful it's like it was handmade from silk or something. Listening to this after literally anything else feels like a chilled glass of water on a hot day. King Creosote's voice also has the very beautiful paradoxical qualities of a scottish accent mixed with incredibly clear enunciation and I really love it. I'd love them to do another album together.

Another Man - Barbara Mason: Check out this song. First of all it sounds extremely good. Secondly it's about when your man turns out to be gay. It starts out good but by the last verse it is straight up hateful, calling him defective, not entirely a man and a 'facsimile of a man' which is unbelievably cruel. The way she says it is very good though because she says "Because in my case what I thought I had was not a entire whole man, but a facsimile thereof. Wasn't a clone or nothin', you know, I'm not.." and then she trails off. Glad she clarified this wasn’t a clone situation. Weird, mean, good song.

Monument (T.I.E. Version) - Robyn & Royksopp: The original version of this song is long as hell and a lot more on the ominous side of the ominous/menacing scale, whereas this version pushes the slider all the way up on 'menacing' with the huge distorted bassline leading the whole thing. A perfect song for obelisk worship in the grim electronic future, or even for carving your own obelisk in preparation.

Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen: Hey remember when Leonard Cohen died and bleedingcool.com had the best headline of all time "Genius Songwriter Of Music From “Watchmen” Sex Scene Dead At 82". I think about that all the time. Anyway this song is great but that's obvious.

E-Mail My Heart - Britney Spears: Britney Spears first album is good cause Hit Me Baby One More Time is about pagers and this song is about emails. Teens love to communicate, and they've only grown to love it more since this song came out. In Britney's own words in 1999: "E-mail My Heart is a song that everyone can relate to, everyone’s been doing e-mails and it’s “e-mail my heart” so everyone can relate to that song.“ True.

It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion: This song is deluxe. This song sounds like it was recorded in an expansive marble bathroom and I feel like I should have to be wearing a suit just to listen to it. This song has 15 cup holders and comes with power windows as standard. This song sounds like someone paid November Rain $100 to attend a fancy party with them and pretend to be their boyfriend but then they accidentally fell in love for real. 

listen here

[marinandthediamonds]

LUST FOR LIFE ALBUM REVIEW

Love

This song is so light-hearted and catchy. I love how it’s such a simple message but it can make a big difference in someone’s life. Once you realize that not everything is worth stressing over and “its enough to be young and in love”, everything will fall into place. 

Lust for Life

This song is also really catchy with a simple message. No matter what anyone says, only you have control of what you do in life- “We’re the masters of our own faith, we’re the captains of our own soul.” I also love The Weeknd on this song. His voice matches perfectly along Lana’s and I think they really compliment each other.

13 Beaches

This song is one of my all time favorite Lana songs. It is just so powerful and emotional. I’m sure everyone can relate to the lyric “it hurts to love you, but I still love you.” I also love all the imagery Lana puts into the song, like she does for most of her songs- “With dripping peaches...”, “with the daisies, feeling hazy.” If you only listen to one song on the album, make sure it is this one.

Cherry

Another one of my favorites on the album. This song sounds so sexy and it makes me just want to listen to it on the beach. I love the lyric “I fall to pieces when I’m with you.” I also really like the random “bitch” and “fuck” she put in there. I think it is so cute and funny.

White Mustang

This song sounds like a classic Lana song. Her hauntingly gorgeous voice over beautiful instrumentals. I like at the beginning of the verses when her voice sounds like it is coming out of an old radio.  My favorite line is “summer’s meant for loving and leaving”, which is sad but true for a lot of people. Summers are fun and free, but when fall comes around, it’s time to get back to reality.

Summer Bummer

This is a really fun song to listen to. Maybe it’s because I first started listening to it in the summer, but this song just screams to go to the beach. I love the beat of this song and I think the rap parts sound really unique next to Lana’s high vocals. My favorite part is when she comes in after A$AP’s part with “...white lines and black beaches.” I also really like the line “we traveled for weeks just to escape your demons.”

Groupie Love

To me, this song has more of a Born to Die feel (Lana’s first album). I love the instrumentals in this song and the way Lana’s voice sounds. I also think it sounds incredible when Lana and A$AP sing the chorus together.

In My Feelings

I love how interesting the lyrics to this song are- “sobbin’ in my cup of coffee.” I can really see this song being a good break up song- “Who’s doper than this bitch, who’s freer than me?” Other than the lyrics, this song is just really fun to sing, especially in the shower.

Coachella-Woodstock on my mind

Although this is not my favorite song on the album, I still really like the message. It is just a nice, easy song to listen to, maybe while you are driving. 

God Bless America And All the Beautiful Women In It

Again, I love the old radio sound Lana has to her voice. I really like how Lana tributes this song to women, which makes me feel really proud. It has a really beautiful melody as well.

When the World Was at War We Kept Dancing

I really like the guitar in this song and the beats. My favorite part is when she goes into the higher octave while singing the chorus, it gives me chills. Any song where Lana drops the f-bomb more than once is a great song.

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems 

I think this song was definitely made for Stevie Nicks. Her voice with Lana’s is so different but they still work really well together. Another song with the old radio sound, I love it. Favorite line: “my heart is soft, my past is rough.”

Tomorrow Never Came

This song is too good. It’s so deep as relatable as well. “I waited for you, in the spot you said to wait. In the city on the park bench, in the middle of the pouring rain”. This is just so vulnerable. You love someone so much that no matter what they need, you are willing to do it, even if you have to sit in the rain. I also love Sean Lennon’s voice in this, especially the part when he goes “just swallow some wine, wi-wi-wi-wi-wine.”

Heroin

This song is dark. It really puts you in a different place. I love how simple but still beautiful it sounds. Also, the “it’s fuckin’ hot!” is really unique and it’s not something you would ever hear on the radio today. 

Change

This song is another one of my favorites. I think it just sounds so haunting. The way it starts of “...there’s something in the wind.” The lyrics are amazing too- “change is a powerful thing, people are powerful beings.” That hit me hard when I first heard it. When she goes into singing able being able to be honest and capable, I can totally relate to that. I always tell myself that I’m going to try and become a better person, but maybe I’m already the person I’m supposed to be. 

Get Free

I love this song because of how similar it sounds to Creep by Radiohead. The lyrics are classic Lana- “sometimes I feel like I got a war in my mind, I wanna get off but I keep riding the ride.” This song is a great way to end the album. 

[indiumrubber]

@howling--fantods tagged me to post ten songs I’ve been listening to a lot recently, so here goes! I love waxing lyrical about music at the best of times, so songs I love will get a bit of time lavished on them I think. I have a feeling there will be a great deal of Radiohead included in this list...

1) Just - Radiohead: The song that actually got me to start listening to their stuff. It came on after listening to an album (think it was Parklife), and almost immediately I was hooked. It’s ruthless and savage and exhilarating, and very much a song I needed at that time. Anyway, I can’t get bored of it so here I am, still listening.

2) De-Luxe - Lush: From the offset this song caught me, and I knew I liked it. The harmonies during the verses are such that it almost feels like something’s gonna go wrong, but I mean that in a good way: it feels unstable and capricious. Combined with the stacked harmonies of the choruses, the swirling and layered guitars, and it’s a wall of precisely crafted sound. I love it.

3) In Your Room - Depeche Mode: I’ll admit, I was hesitant to listen to Songs Of Faith And Devotion, if only because of the cover - I just didn’t find it that aesthetically pleasing. And besides, I knew of the background of the recordings, how strained and stressful it is, how it lead to the collapse of one of my favourite bands. However, once I gave it the chance it deserved, I found myself loving almost every track instantly. There were a few which took time, and this was one of them. It’s dark, oppressive, feels heavy and intense; again, a wall of sound, but not gossamer like De-Luxe. This is brutal, and carries the most Depeche Mode* lyrics of probably any song they’ve written. But it’s fantastic and I adore it.

*if we’re to use Depeche Mode as a shorthand for BDSM-y...

4) There, There - Radiohead: Okay, I find it hard to articulate quite how much I love this song, but I really do adore it. It’s basically perfect to me. It consists of a constant escalation of tension, driven by snares which - if you’re listening for it - begin to resemble the clicking of a clock’s hands. I truly believe the song only truly begins to show its potential at 2:53. The texture builds, effects and distortion move from backing guitar parts to lead parts, and these then come to the fore, even before Thom’s, and at one part sounds like distorted wailing. Then he comes back in, and it just works so well. It could’ve been too much, but it’s not. And then it all dies away, soft silence for a good three or four seconds at the end. It reminds me of a summer storm (at least here, where they’re rare and mild). Exciting, and over far too quickly (even for a song whose duration is 5:24). So good.

5) The American - Simple Minds: I love all the arpeggios on here. For some reason, I’ve always loved them as a simple way to spice up chords, and I don’t begrudge their use at all - I perhaps used them too often myself, but it does give a sense of motion. But most of all, my god, the bassline is brilliant. Driving and intent, reminds me of something from John Taylor in its restlessness, and there’s a lot of pops and slaps too, something I think was really popular in the 80s. I do love the vocals too, silly as they might seem on an initial listening. Very catchy.

6) Der Kommissar - Falco: God I love this song. My German is terrible and basic and clunky. I can read for gist pretty damn well, and my listening’s alright, but I am absolutely left in the dust when a more extensive vocabulary is used. That just means that I mostly bop my head when listening to this song, and find the melody intensely catchy. A brilliant song from a brilliant artist.

7) Karma Police - Radiohead: I’m not exaggerating when I say that... I would die for this song. If the only copy in the world was left on one small CD, and the internet was gone, all infrastructure gone except for one CD player with infinite power, I would jump in front of a bullet to protect that flimsy piece of plastic and preserve it for future generations (assuming that this was the only shot that person had at destroying it). That’s how much I love this song. The buildup to the second section with rising bass tones played by the piano, later echoed by the bass, lead to this feeling of ascension, as the key steps up from A minor to B minor, an atypical shift. There’s a wide-open and optimistic feeling to this latter section, something I rarely come across in songs, but when I do find it, I adore it so utterly. This is one beautifully crafted song. And also I just discovered that all members of Radiohead sing the high backing vocals during this section, and that means so much, speaks so much of the collaborative nature of this track.

8) My Joy - Depeche Mode: yet another track from SOFAD, another that I adore, another that took a few listenings to get there. I love Dave’s vocal performance here, the slight off-kilter feel to the guitar, and the bombast of it. Dave’s vocals are raw in places, the edge of cracking (as is typical of this era), and it lends an honesty and humanity to an album very much about the machinations of people and relations. His slight vibrato is at a peak here, and Martin’s backing vocals are excellently mellow in contrast without detracting from the aura. A fantastic composition, a brilliant end to a masterpiece of an album.

9) Methods Of Dance - Japan: My favourite Japan song? Quite possibly, though I’ve only just realised this, I think. It begins quite similarly to Planet Earth by Duran Duran, it’s just occurred to me as I type - a sweeping synth intro. Given DD were recording their debut in the same studio as Japan were recording the album this is from, and looked to Japan for inspiration, I wouldn’t say it’s implausible. Anyway, Mick Karn’s fretless bass is typically agile and intricate, weaving through the song incessantly. David Sylvian’s lyrics and voice answer in kind, woozy and haunting in that way of his. The drums are given plenty of echo, and sound so very 80s. Saxophones are very evident. And yet, it’s not cheesy at all, it almost feels timeless, in a way I’m not sure how is managed. It could be that keyboards once again are downplayed into texture, all blending seamlessly, so nothing quite stands out too much. Brilliant song.

10) Everything In Its Right Place - Radiohead: God, I was struggling so much to narrow down to what I’d have as the last Radiohead song I included. But this song is undeniable from the minute you press play. A damn good album opener, filled with nonsensical fragmented lyrics, obtuse musically as well as lyrically. It was such a difficult feat to create a followup to OK Computer - this much is fairly well-documented at this stage - to the point where the band considered breakup, dissolution, and falling by the wayside. Of all the options they could’ve chosen, the route they took with Kid A is perhaps the wisest, and most oddly prescient choice. It’s interesting and unconventional, makes you wonder. It’s so different from OK Computer that some people hated it, and that’s okay. But I do believe the album is a gift, and it could not have begun with a better song. Just listen to it, and you’ll understand me. Sometimes you have to eschew what you know to move forward.

Thank you so much for tagging me in this, and giving me the chance to be pretentious and irksome as I like being about music that I adore! I shan’t tag anyone, but I hope that anyone who reads through this whole thing, or skims it, might have their attention piqued, and might consider trying out any of these tracks. And if you disagree with me on anything here, I’m always up for a discussion. This was really fun! 

[letheavenspeak]

Something Unspoken

Peter x Reader

Hey, I know it’s been a while but I recently saw Guardians Vol 2 and was inspired, so I hope you like it!

Edit: Also, would anyone like a sequel to this? Let me know if u do!

Words: 2,306

Something Unspoken

Traveling with the Guardians is not an easy feat what-so-ever, but in all honesty, as much as I complain, I wouldn’t give it up for the world. Before I spent my time roaming through the galaxy with my new team, I was head nurse for Tony Stark, and when Peter and the rest of his team had met up with the Avengers, I volunteered to go back with them. They had no kind of medical expert on board, and I craved a new sort of adventure. Cap had tried to talk me out of it, said it was too dangerous, to which I told him how much of a stupid hang up that was, seeing as he was a super solider who had fought off aliens himself. He soon realized how silly his initial argument was.

Ever since I’ve stayed with the Guardians, helping patch them up after a long battle, or just being a person from another perspective to listen to their problems. Although Rocket seemed the most hesitant at first, he eventually became a trusted friend just as all the others had become, and I truly felt apart of their small family. I had even convinced Peter to teach me how to fly the Milano, just in case of emergencies of course.

Speaking of, I had grown incredibly fond of the leader of the group; he was kind and sensitive, and he often opened up about how he wondered about his home planet, and how it had evolved, but how he had no longing to go back, not since his mother was no longer there. I think that he likes having me here, having another human who grew up around the same time he did. He finally had someone who understood his references and jokes, and who could appreciate his sense of music; although it was a little outdated, it still was classic. I took it upon myself to show him some new music from different decades from the ones he had missed, and although he seemed hesitant at first I could I tell he was excited to get something new to listen to, as well as the rest of the team who had grown tired of the same two playlists that had repeated over and over again. I had initially kept with the smooth rock genre, introducing bands like Oasis and Radiohead. They were somewhat clichéd on Earth, but Peter grew to love them, and was amazed at the amount of music he actually liked. I guess he never thought he would enjoy any songs as much as the ones his mother introduced, but the slow smile that crept onto his face the first time he listened to Wonderwall said otherwise. 

I hear the familiar tune playing through the empty halls of the Milano now which had woken me from my sleep. I stay in my bed, too caught up in the warmth of my it and the coziness compared to the cool steel of the ship. I nod my head to the mellow beat, mouthing the words as I try to close my eyes and fall back asleep but as the song comes and goes it never happens. Eventually I decide to go see whose awake at the moment; the team had just had a pretty rough battle, and by the time I had finished double checking the nasty gash on Gamora’s arm the rest of the team had wandered off to bed. I turn to check the time to see it had only been a couple hours since I had fallen asleep, but the telltale sign that someone was up was unavoidable. So, I slip on my favourite sweater that I have by my bedside and brace myself as my feet make impact with the cool floor, sending a shock that definitely woke me up just in case the music hadn’t. 

My theory that most everyone was sleeping is confirmed as I walk through the mostly quiet ship, noticing that Rocket’s door at the far end of the sleeping quarters was closed, as well as Drax’s. I keep my footsteps quiet as I continue toward the cockpit where I see the outline of a broad back as it sways to the current song that plays just a little too loudly for the time. 

“Peter?” I ask, careful in case I startle him, and in the instance he may be armed. He jumps at the sound of my voice, and spins around to see it was just me, my concern evident on my face.

“Oh, Y/N, hey what are you doing up?”

Peter’s POV

Y/N stood there, looking so incredibly small, her arms hugging her body, trying to shield herself from the cool air of the ship.

“I was sleeping, but your music woke me up. Are you alright?” I could tell she was tired by her tone, though the sincerity seeped through it as it did through her large eyes. It felt as if I was being compelled to tell her the truth. 

“Yeah I’m fine, I just moved in my sleep and hurt the cut on my side and couldn’t fall asleep after, so I came up here and just decided to listen to some music.” As I tell her what’s happened she immediately comes up to pull up my sleeping shirt to check on my most recent injury. She looks at it for a moment, not saying anything. Her warm hands send a chill throughout my body that I try to hide from her. She doesn’t react to it and we both say nothing, and I try to ignore the fact that my face is suddenly a lot warmer than before.

“Well, thankfully you didn’t pull any stitches, but it is a little red. Did you put any of that ointment that I got from Knowhere that I gave you on it?”

“Ugh no, I couldn’t find it so I just took a couple of painkillers,” I admit. She lets out a little huff and walks off the main part of the pit and I try to suppress the laughter that bubbles within my chest as she walks away. I go to sit in the Captain’s seat as I hear a few clanging noises and an ‘aha’ as she finds what she was looking for. I roll up my shirt once again, allowing her access to the sore spot just to the right of my stomach.

“You are the worst with misplacing shit, and that’s saying a lot, we leave with Rocket for Christ’s sake.”

I laugh at her comment, but she keeps going on about how I should take better care of myself, but the words start ringing together as I watch the way her lips move with such certainty; it’s like art, and I could watch for hours. Everything about her is intoxicating, and although I’ve tried flirting with her in the past, she always waves it off as nothing. Most times it is nothing, but every now and then I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me to be serious for once in my life. The first time I got it was when she talked about life on earth, and how much she missed her friends and family that she’d left there. I understood the pain and longing, and even offered to take her back for a short visit but she declined.

“My home is here now, with you,” she had said, smiling at me. The words had melted my heart and turned my tongue into jelly.  We sat in an awkward silence as the weight of her words hit us both. The blush that had flushed her cheeks mad her look so adorable. 

“And with the rest of the team, of course,” she added, looking down at her nails. She quickly changed the subject not too long after that.

I was reminded of the moment as she finished wiping the cream over the sore wound, pressing her whole hand against it as she finished. Though she kept speaking, the words didn’t register in my mind as I noticed what she was wearing.

“Is that my sweater you’re wearing?” I asked, chuckling. She looks down, watching the fabric and playing with the zipper, trying to hide the blush that had just formed on her cheeks.

“Oh, yeah I guess. Sorry, did you want it back?” her voice is so small and quiet, I can barely hear it over the music.

“No you look better in it than I do anyway.”

Your POV

I can feel Peter’s gaze on me as I pull the sweater tighter against my skin, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious. 

“Are you cold? I could turn up the heat if you’d like,” he offers as he stands, finally breaking the silence.

“No, I’m fine thank you though. I think I’m just gonna try to go back to sleep.” I smile up at him to see he’s been watching me.

Suddenly Making Love Out of Nothing at All by Air Supply starts playing and Peter offers his hand.

“One dance first, for me.”

“Seriously Quill? You’re so corny.”

“The corniest actually, but you know you love it.”I smile, contemplating my warm bed compared to the heat of Peter’s embrace and decide on the latter. I place my hand in his and he immediately twirls me and locks me into position. His left hand placed lightly over my side, the other holding mine a little too tightly. I place my other hand on his shoulder and feel the abundance of muscle there. There’s barely any space between us, so close I can feel his chest constrict and relax as his breathing increases in just the slightest. We move slowly to the music, just a simple sway with the occasion spin but it’s calming and I let all my previous worries fly out the window. I lay my head down on his chest, relaxing even further; my breaths have become long and deep as I try and remember everything I can about this moment. The simple melody, the way the floor still chills my bare feet as we move, the pressure of Peter’s hand which has now shifted to the small of my back, and Peter’s fragrance which is a mix of his musky cologne, oil, and sweat are permanently fixed into my head.

“I know when to pull you closer

And I know when to let you loose

And I know the night is fading

And I know the time's gonna fly

And I'm never gonna tell you everything I've gotta tell you

But I know I've gotta give it a try” 

Peter sings along softly, making me chuckle. He’s almost whispering the lyrics, his mouth right beside my ear making me shiver. 

“So, how do you do it Quill? Magic?” I ask after a moment.

“What do you mean?”

“Woo girls the way you do; it seems to come as naturally as breathing to you.”

“Well, it does, when I have the right girl in front of me.”

I laugh at that; he was just too smooth for his own good.

“I’m serious Y/N, there’s something that takes over me when I’m with you. A feeling that just tells me that this,” he motions to the two of us, “is right.”

I scoff at the thought. Peter frowns.

“Why is that so difficult to believe?”

“Because Peter we both know that you’ll get tired of me and move on to the next unlucky lady and we’ll still have to work together.”

“Oh come on- “

“Gamora.” It’s all I have to say. We both know how hung up he was on her, and how long it took for him to get over her.

“Gamora is- “

“Someone you still deeply care for, I know, but I don’t wanna be some rebound for you and get tossed aside once the next one comes along.”

“Y/N, whatever I’m feeling, I’ve felt for a while, and I know that you feel it too. It’s been this unspoken thing for ages, even Drax asked me about it.”

“There is no unspoken thing Peter,” I say as I let go of his hand, the song ending. The next song is another slow one, but I pay no attention to it, wanting to leave the scene and retreat into my room.

“Why is it so hard for you to admit that you like me as much as I like you?” I hear Peter call out as I start to make my way back to my room.

“Because, Peter, I can’t loose you! I’ve lost too many people because of our jobs and I can’t have my heart broken again and again! Loosing you, the team, it’d be too much for me. It’d break my heart for good.” I start by yelling at him, but by the end my voice grows quiet, tears threatening to break through.

“Oh Y/N, I could never do that to you. You mean too much to me. I know my past with women isn’t the greatest, but I swear to you that you’re different. You are so important to me, much too much to just let you walk away right now. I’m not asking for much, just let me take you out on one date, and if you don’t like it then I swear we won’t ever have to talk about us this way again.”

I think about the proposition for a moment. 

“You swear?”

“On my mother.”

The sentiment takes me aback; his mother is the most important person in his life, and whenever he talks about her it’s not lightly.

“Well, Star Lord, where do you plan on taking me?” I ask after a moment of silence, making him smile.

“The only place worthy of your beauty, the stars.”