Tumgik
#and what if i cant find homes for all of them??
lovelookspretty · 3 days
Text
lover of mine
drew starkey x actress!reader au
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
— in which drew and y/n, secretly exes, must fake date in order to keep the peace at a mutual friend’s wedding, but the forced proximity makes them question whether they ever truly moved on.
warnings: a really long chapter part thing i fear . kisses .. maybe .. IM NOT SPOILING THIS
prev next
authors note: erm guys .. if im rushing this then do NOT pay attention !! I WANT THEM TO BE OKAY AGAIN JUST LIKE U GUYS I FEAR. I CANT HELP MYSELF. but do NOT think this is the end because this is NOT!! we still have to get through the rest of the second week + the wedding. and if u think about it, DAMN a lot happened in week 1 omg goodnight
anyway, if u still arent part of the tag list, feel free to let me know thru replies, anons, or dms !! notifications are always on <3333
Tumblr media
you keep your distance from him the next two days. you know you have to face him, and sometimes you do, but you’re stiffer than before. he knows better than anyone to maintain that gap until you’re okay again.
it just feels like your breakup with him all over again, but this time, for a different reason other than having too much time apart. this time, you’re all he spends time with but there just happens to be something getting in the way of that. another girl. it isn’t fair.
drew’s been trying to show in little ways that he’s sorry, but it doesn’t cut it for you. not yet. and you don’t want to lead him by a string and take advantage of him caring about you. but him bringing you breakfast, then trying to avoid you throughout the day until you’re back in libby’s bed again—it’s just frustrating.
you don’t even want to be there anymore. you don’t want to have to deal with this. but it’s for leila and theo, their day is coming up soon. you just want them to have a good time and then you can all separate ways and live your own lives again. how it’s always been and how it should be.
the guys are getting ready to visit town while the girls stay back. this isn’t for you though, and you’re grateful. gia proposed a self-care day after a package was shipped to the home, a large box of cookies, and safe to say you all agreed to the plan.
“i’ve been trying to get back into reading but i feel like i have no time sometimes,” leila’s telling you and the girls as you set up shop at the kitchen island.
there’s an array of face masks, moisturizers, rollers, oils, creams, other things they’ve wanted to try. gia even brings her diffuser and places it nearby as the tv in the living room plays.
“i recommend ‘doomsday’!” libby perks up from across the table. “i read it last summer and let me tell you, i bawled crying for a month straight.”
“y/n, you read,” leila says as she files her nails, crossing a leg over another. “what are your recommendations?”
“hey,” theo greets leila as he and the boys join you four at the table, each with their respective girlfriend besides libby and oscar, and technically you and drew. he hovers behind you but just merely nods his head to say hello. “we’re gonna head out.”
“oh, okay,” leila says with a small frown, but kisses him goodbye. “drive safe, alright?” you’re winking at roman who points at you to say to behave, but he kisses gia’s cheek before he’s following theo out.
you answer leila from earlier with a shrug, “i’ve been wanting to find ‘the last love letter’ but i haven’t really been reading lately. been too busy.”
gia mouth gapes open as she slams her hand on the table, nearly knocking something over. “shut up, i’ve been wanting to read that too!” she shrieks as libby tells her to be more careful.
you can only giggle at her while she gets off her seat and comes up behind you to pull your hair and tie it back.
“that book is literally nowhere, i swear the author only made like five copies of it.”
“have you guys read ‘self sabotage’?” leila asks as she and libby, already prepared, begin to place their face masks on.
Tumblr media
you’re on the couch with the girls as libby records you on her phone. the box of cookies are opened and after careful review, you’ve all decided what to try first and what comes after that, and so on.
“now?” you ask libby if she’s ready, and she nods. you, leila, and gia take a cautious bite out of the pieces you’ve broken off of the first cookie. it only takes you a few chews in to realize how heavenly it is. gia even pretends to faint beside you.
“holy shit,” leila says as she covers her mouth, taking a look at the cookie with wide eyes. “are you serious?”
libby lunges at you with her phone to take it from her, “well now i wanna try it!”
you’re in a fit of laughter as you try to turn the camera around before she can sink her teeth in, but she’s too fast. your eyes widen at the girl, “libby, slow down!”
and eventually, you’re full of cookies and half of them are still yet to be tried. you agree with the girls to continue this matter tomorrow if the boys don’t eat it all themselves, and you know they will. you’re just glad you’ve already tried all the ones you really wanted to before then.
when the guys get home, it’s exactly what you anticipated. they bee line directly to the cookies on the coffee table, but not without greeting you all first.
theo groans as he takes a bite, roman right beside him to stuff a whole chunk in his mouth. “this is better than sex,” he murmurs while roman snaps his fingers several times. leila can’t help but nod in agreement.
“i feel cookie-drunk,” you say with your hand on your stomach, and gia curls up into your side as she holds onto hers. “what’d you guys get?”
roman is quick to reach into his bag and pull out a couple of keychains, as if he just got reminded about something. he tosses one at gia’s head, and you look over to see what it is.
“the world’s okayest girlfriend,” she reads aloud, and she chucks it back at him, no longer accepting the gift that roman laughs about. she gets up to see what else is in his bag, leaving drew to plop down next to you and libby, who’s on the other side of you this whole time.
she’s cleaning the ice cream off her spoon when she speaks up for you and her, “what’d you get?”
“few things,” he says as he lets you look inside for yourself.
you pull out a long box and open it. it’s a chain bracelet, sterling silver. it’s nice, and you nod with raised brows. there’s other things inside that you only glance at, but when you look up at him you notice the new pair of sunglasses that’s resting on his head.
you pull it off of him silently and place it on yourself, unspokenly thanking him for the temporary gift you’ll give back later but you like them so now they’re yours for a few hours.
drew purses his lips and closes his bag, assuming you’re done, so he gets up and starts heading upstairs. you look over at libby. without hesitation, she asks, “you okay?”
you hesitate, and you know she’s only asking this because this is one of drew’s brief interactions with you since a few days ago. but you shrug it off, “yeah, i’m okay,” you say.
libby doesn’t miss a beat, she’s not convinced at all. she knows you well enough to understand what ‘im okay’ really means is ‘i’ll be okay’. that it’s not okay, but it will be eventually.
she’s seen this look on you before, during the hardest parts of your relationship with drew. she can feel the unspoken words between them, the ones you don’t even need to say out loud.
“right,” libby says with a soft sigh. she wraps her arms around you, pulling you into a comforting hug. “you’ll be alright,” she whispers. you know she won’t pry further, but knowing that whatever drew did, it was enough to hurt you again.
after a few moments, she pulls back and, with a small smile, asks, “wanna help me with dinner soon? leila thought it’d be nice to eat out in the backyard tonight, by the pool.”
you hum softly, nodding your head, “yeah, that sounds good.”
libby grins, “awesome. ‘cause it’s pizza night and i cannot do it alone.”
Tumblr media
the next few hours blur together. you’ve successfully prepared the pizzas with libby and slid them into the oven. now you’re cutting into them and displaying them outside on the table.
it used to be bare, but someone since morning has gone out there to help decorate the backyard to make it just a little flashier. there’s a cloth on the table, which is scattered with candles, flowers, dishes, platters of cookies, fruits, a charcuterie board, and there’s a helpful variety of drinks.
fairy lights blink across the backyard, even over the pool, and it illuminates the whole place. you place the different pizzas in between each candle piece, which libby lights as you do. when you call everyone outside, you join together at the table.
and once theo leads you once again with the ‘i’m grateful for my future wife’ shit, you get to dig in. you’re pretty sure it was longer this time around and even roman started to just eat until he was kicked under the table by drew.
“fucking finally,” libby murmurs under her breath after theo concludes his speech, to which causes him to pick up an olive off the plate and toss it at her. “yeah, you’re so lucky i like olives,” she whispers to herself as she rearranges her napkin, “fucking loser.”
“libby,” you scold, though you can’t hide your laugh. she’s grinning when she looks up, silently laughing with you.
when you turn to drew on the other side of you, he’s taking large bites from his slice. he tilts his head back with a groan, then takes a longer look at the pizza as he chews.
“s’it good?” you ask, and he nods rapidly, and soon his body moves with it. you bring yourself to smile, grateful that people you care about like what you’ve cooked.
you reach over to take your own slice from each pizza and just stack it on your plate, planning on going through them one by one from the one on too being the one you least want to eat, and the last at the bottom being the one you’re most excited for—a ‘save the best for last’ type of thing. it’s silly but you do it anyway.
drew’s finishing up his bite when he leans into you gently. “i have to talk to you later, by the way,” he says, and it sort of startles you because at this point you’re just talking to libby.
you look at him with furrowed brows, but again, you’re not mad. you’re not upset with him. at least not in this moment, you can’t be.
and it looks like he’s grateful because he can see it too. “if that’s alright with you,” he says, then takes another bite. you just nod at him in silence, and watch as he turns back to oscar who’s on his other side before talking to him.
you look straight ahead where roman’s sitting, and he sends you a look. he heard drew talking to you, he knows it must be about something important, but it’s not what’s on your mind right now.
you shrug it off. “—tell you later,” you mouth to him, then turn to libby when you realize she’s talking to you again.
Tumblr media
after dinner, gia and leila clean dishes while literally all of the guys clean up outside as a thank you to you and libby, who lay across the living room with bellies filled with food.
there’s a movie playing on tv that you can barely pay attention to, but you’ve been laying there for about an hour so if you really want to, you could. you just play into the laziness that you’re allowed.
you hold your phone above you as libby rolls around the carpet, or at least that’s what you last saw her doing before you looked away. you’re scrolling through texts with your manager as if a new message will come in.
“did elyse get back to you?” libby asks, a face-full of carpet and it sounds like she’s just a few feet away. “about the thing.”
“no,” you mumble, then turn your phone off and set it face-down on the carpet, just like libby. the side of your head is laying on your arm as you look at her. “i could go for another cookie.”
“you ate three!” libby’s muffled voice raises.
“and i’ll make it four,” you tell her, raising your volume back. you consider getting up but don’t feel like it. you can actually lay here forever—maybe.
“y/n,” you hear his voice. it’s drew.
and you get up immediately. he was so softspoken, so cautious with you. he’s entering the house with the other boys who must’ve finished outside, meaning it’s time to have his talk. you almost ask if you guys can just have it there if it’s not that important, but if that’s possible then he wouldn’t be trying to get you alone.
you look over to libby, who—at the sound of drew’s voice—peeked her eyes out to see what he wanted. she looks to you, and she understands why you have to go. she convinces herself to get up and find the remote so she can turn the volume up.
you know it’s for you and drew, and a part of you wants to nudge her or be offended, and you do. is this going to be normal behavior in the house? turning up the volume just for you and drew when you guys need to have these ‘talks’ that are just screaming practice in disguise?
you’re almost embarrassed but you know that you’d rather have this than let them hear you two upstairs.
you follow him to your room, or technically his room as of three nights ago, and he lets you inside first. there’s a chilling feeling when you realize what’s about to happen and you feel like he’s literally about to murder you.
the room is clean, for the most part. you didn’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t take care of this room regardless if you’re in it or not. his bed isn’t made and his backpack’s on the edge of it, opened and rifled through.
you look to him when you’ve entered, and he nods toward the bed, as if to say he would rather you sit there while you listen to what he has to say, so slowly, you make your way over and settle down on the edge.
drew pulls out a chair from the desk across the bed and turns it around, pushing it closer to you. you’re surprised that he’s doing a whole setup just to talk to you. maybe he really is going to kill you.
“i haven’t been honest at all . . . since we started talking again,” he begins as he sits down in front of you. you stay there and close your mouth. you want to hear what he has to say, even if it ends terribly. you need to hear what he’s been thinking. “so i’d like to tell you everything about this past year if you’re okay with that.”
you shrug and gesture to let him have the floor. “please,” you insist with a nod.
he sighs as he fiddles with his fingers in his lap. “there’s . . . mila," he starts, and even though you knew this conversation was coming, it still stings when you hear her name.
“i guess you could call it a situationship or whatever,” he says before he catches himself, realizing how that sounds. “i mean, to me, it felt like that. but i think—” he pauses, chewing on his words. “no, she definitely saw it as more. she always viewed it as a relationship.” he glances at you, watching for your reaction, but you just sit there, waiting.
he rubs a hand over his face, frustrated with himself. “we just weren’t on the same page. i was . . . i was using it to distract myself, if i’m being honest. and i know that’s not fair. i knew it even then. but it felt easier than than facing what i was actually feeling at the time.”
he continues, “i told myself it was nothing, but i knew, deep down, it wasn’t fair to her. she didn’t deserve to be strung along like that.”
you feel your chest tighten, but not from jealousy. it’s you knowing that someone else had been hurt in this too, someone who had clearly thought there was more between them. “does she know? about this?” you ask him.
he flinches slightly, as if the concern you’re showing for mila makes this even harder to explain for him. he hesitates, “i officially ended things with her three nights ago. the night you confronted me about her. i told her it was over, that i couldn’t keep pretending things were fine when they weren’t. she didn’t take it well. and honestly, i don’t blame her.”
you’re quiet for a moment—so he’s decided to keep you and him a secret from mila? to spare both his and her feelings? you aren’t sure if you should bring light to it or just push it aside. you did say before that it was ultimately his decision.
“i’m glad you told her,” you say carefully, but there's a pause before you add, "but i can’t imagine how confusing this must be for her.” you shift in your seat, rubbing your palms on your knees. “i mean, from her perspective, this whole thing must feel like it came out of nowhere.”
he swallows hard, nodding. “yeah, it wasn’t fair to her. not at all.”
there’s a beat. he looks at you, his expression more vulnerable than you’ve seen in a long time. “i told her about you,” he says. he’s quiet, as if he’s afraid of the confession. “i told her that i’m . . . that i’m still not over you. that i don’t think i ever really was.”
what?
you blink, startled by his words, though in a way, you’re not entirely surprised. you’ve felt the tension between you two from the moment you started talking again, but hearing him admit it, finally saying it out loud . . .
his voice is rough, like he’s forcing himself to continue. “but that’s why things with mila were never real. not for me, at least. i kept telling myself i could move on, that i could just forget, but every day i’d realize i wasn’t. i couldn’t let go of you.”
“but you broke up with me, drew,” you remind him. “that doesn’t necessarily sound like you’re in love with me.”
“i didn’t break up with you because i didn’t love you,” he says, his brows furrowed. “i do, more than i’ve ever loved anyone else.” his eyes meet yours briefly before dropping to his hands, which he’s fiddling with in his lap. “like, it was the opposite. i felt like i wasn’t enough for you. like i was failing you.”
you feel your breath hitch in your throat, but you don’t interrupt. you sit up on the bed.
he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he speaks. “our jobs, the schedules, the distance . . . it was tearing us apart, you know? and every day, i’d think about how i wasn’t giving you what you deserved. we were supposed to click, supposed to last, but i felt like i was just holding you back.” his voice is quiet, and he rubs his forehead slowly. “and i couldn’t stand the thought of you waiting for me when i could never give you the time you needed. it was eating me alive.”
you stay quiet, but tears prick at the corners of your eyes. his words hit hard, and you feel like everything that was left unsaid was finally coming to light now—there were arguments that could’ve been avoided, the misunderstandings that built up. he was overthinking, spiraling, and instead of talking to you, he made the decision for both of you.
“and i just kept thinking, like . . . ‘she deserves someone who can be there for her, really be there. someone who can come home to her every night’. i wasn’t that guy. i’d go days without seeing you, weeks even, and it broke me.” he swallows hard again, shaking his head. “i convinced myself that you’d be happier with someone else. someone who wasn’t always on some stupid set, always busy.”
your heart aches as you watch him, his guilt written all over his face. you lean forward and whisper, “but you don’t get to decide that for me, drew. we make decisions together. or at least, that’s how it’s supposed to work.”
“i know,” he mutters, his tone regretful. “i know that now. but back then, i thought i was doing the right thing. i thought i was . . . protecting you, i guess. from me.”
you shake your head, wiping at the tears that are now falling freely. “protecting me from you? drew, i never, ever wanted anyone else. i wanted you. i didn’t care about the schedules, or the distance. i would’ve waited, and we could’ve figured it out. together.”
his eyes finally meet yours again, and for the first time, you can see the depth of his regret. “when we broke up, i tried. god, i tried to move on. i tried to find something, you know? but i was always looking for you.” he takes a shaky breath. “every girl i met, i’d compare them to you. i’d look for pieces of you in them, trying to find something familiar, something that felt right. but it never worked.”
you knew he had tried to move on, but hearing that he was always searching for you in others, that no one ever compared. it leaves you speechless for a moment. if that’s what happened, then why invest so much time into mila?
you finally gather the courage to ask, “mila. did she . . . was she like me?” your voice is soft, almost hesitant, but you need to know.
“no,” he admits, shaking his head. “not really. mila was cool, and she’s . . . she’s great in her own way. but no. she wasn’t like you.” he pauses, as if trying to find the right words. "but i remember i wanted her to be."
he didn’t try to replace you with mila, but it was clear that he had been searching for something, anything, to fill the void you left behind. and it never worked.
“no one’s ever going to compare to you, y/n,” he continues, “i realize that now. it took me a while, but i’ll always search for you in everyone, and it’s never going to be the same. it’ll never feel the way it felt with you."
for the first time in a long time, you feel like you’re finally getting the truth. the real, unfiltered truth about why things ended the way they did. he wasn’t running because he didn’t care. he was running because he thought he wasn’t enough for you. and now, he’s sitting here, telling you everything he couldn’t say before.
“i’m sorry,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper now, on the verge of crying. “i’m sorry for walking away. for not talking to you about it when i should’ve. i was scared. scared that i wasn’t enough for you, and scared that i never would be.”
you can feel the tears still lingering in your eyes, but there’s also a strange sense of closure. you’ve needed to hear this for so long, to understand why things fell apart the way they did. and now, you finally do.
“i messed up,” he says, “i messed up everything, and i know it. but i never stopped loving you and i’m . . . i’m still in love with you.”
you stay silent, blinking away the burn in your eyes, trying to absorb what he’s saying. part of you feels relief, but another part of you is cautious. you’ve been hurt before like this. by another and by him.
he watches you closely, and it feels like the longer the silence is, the more anxious he gets. “i know this doesn’t fix anything, and i’m not asking you to forgive me or take me back. i just needed to tell you the truth. i needed you to know that mila . . . ? mila was never you. no one is.”
the room feels too small suddenly, too full of emotions that you don’t know what to do with. you take a deep breath, trying to collect your thoughts, but all you can manage to say is, “why now, drew? why are you telling me this now?”
his gaze softens, “because i didn’t want to lose you again. not without you knowing the truth.”
you can only look down at your lap. your vision blurs as you try to focus on your fingers, interlocked and tense in your lap, the pressure in your chest is tightening by the second.
you don’t trust yourself to speak just yet, so you hold everything in, to find the right words, but nothing comes out.
when you finally lift your head to look at him, the tears are already pooling in your eyes. you blink rapidly, trying to keep them from spilling over, but it’s useless. without saying anything, he stands up and pulls you into him, wrapping his arms tightly around your frame.
you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding as your face presses into his chest, and it’s like the dam inside you finally breaks. the tears fall freely now, your body shaking as you cling to him, feeling the warmth of his arms around you—something you’ve missed so desperately.
and it’s not just about the last few days. it’s about the past year of missing him, of pretending you were okay when you weren’t. and you can tell drew needed this too. you can feel it in the way his grip tightens, like he’s afraid to let go, like he’s trying to hold together everything that’s broken between you both.
you stay like that for a long time, the sound of your quiet sobs muffled by his chest, his hand slowly rubbing up and down your back as if to soothe the ache inside you. it’s a comfort you haven’t felt in so long, and it is exactly what you’ve needed.
toward the end of it, your face still pressed against his chest, you mumble something, your words half muffled by the fabric of his shirt. he loosens his hold just a little, enough for you to pull back slightly, just enough to breathe. “i . . .” you take a shaky breath, your hands still gripping his arms, and when you finally meet his eyes again, you whisper, “i never stopped loving you either.”
the words hang between you, raw and honest, and as soon as you say them, you see the way his expression softens, like it’s the only thing he’s been waiting to hear.
his lips crash into yours, urgent and insistent. his fingers tighten against the back of your neck, pulling you closer, as if he can’t get enough. his lips coax yours open, deepening the kiss, and he swallows the whimper that escapes you.
his other arm wraps around your waist, pulling you into his lap as he sits back on the bed. he kisses you like he's been starved of you, his tongue swirling against yours, his hands exploring every inch of your face, your neck, your hair. this is what he’s been waiting to do.
his hands trail down to your hips, pulling you flush against him, and he breaks the kiss, only to trail his lips along your jaw, down your neck, his breath hot against your skin. “stay with me tonight?”
you can’t get enough of him, and although you know that everything can’t be completely fixed over just one conversation, sleeping and waking up in the same bed as him isn’t hurting anyone.
you nod, a soft smile on your face that causes him to grin. but he pulls away slowly hesitating for a moment, his smile growing a little wider as he reaches past you into his backpack, his fingers rummaging around as if he’s searching for something precious.
you watch him, curiosity bubbling inside you. what could he possibly have?
“hold on,” he murmurs against your lips, his voice low and filled with warmth, and you smile as you press another kiss to his.
finally, he pulls out a book, holding it out toward you with a look of pure joy on his face. you take a look at it but almost don’t even catch it the first time until a second later. your heart skips a beat as you recognize it—the last love letter.
“shut up,” you say, taking it into your own hands to see if it’s real. and of course it is.
he nods, a soft smile spreading across his lips. “i heard you talking about it with the girls before we left earlier,” he explains, but he knows you can tell already that much. there’s a goofy look on his face as he wipes underneath one of his eyes. “i knew how much you wanted it and i saw a copy in town, so . . .”
“no, shut up. i can’t take this,” you exclaim, feeling tears welling in your eyes. “star.” the words spill out, a mix of disbelief and overwhelming gratitude. it’s not just the gift; it’s the thought behind it that strikes a chord deep within you. you trace the cover with your fingertips as if it’s a treasured artifact.
he watches you intently. “i wanted to,” he assures you. “i heard it, i thought it would mean something to you.”
your gaze shifts from the book to him. “thank you, it does,” you whisper, your voice shaking as you blink out a few more tears.
you set the book aside momentarily, throwing your arms around him once again. the embrace feels like a lifeline. you hold him tightly, your heart racing as you bury your face against his shoulder, inhaling his familiar scent.
he wraps his arms around you, holding you just as tightly, as if he’s afraid to let go. the world outside fades away, and in this moment, it’s just the two of you, wrapped in each other’s arms, a bubble of intimacy where everything feels right again.
after a long pause, as you pull back slightly to meet his gaze, you can see the softness in his eyes. “you really didn’t have to do this,” you say again, looking down at the brand new book. “but it means the world to me that you did.”
he grins, “i know it’s just a book, but i wanted to show you that i’m here—like, really here this time.” and you are so glad he is.
“i missed this,” you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper.
he closes his eyes for a moment, and you continue to explore the pages of the book, though your thoughts keep drifting back to him. aw you run your fingers through his hair, it dawns on you how much you've missed this—this connection, this easy banter, the comfort of being together.
“i missed us,” you finally admit, looking into his eyes, and in that moment, everything feels right again. it all floods back to you.
he shifts slightly, leaning in closer, and his arms slide to wrap around your waist as he lays his head on your shoulder to take a look at your book with you, his voice in relief as he mumbles, “me too.”
and you’re happy, it all just feels like your dream again.
Tumblr media
@rubixgsworld @itgirlbrina @thepopcultureaddict @icaqttt @samsmelodrama @kissfinalgirl @itsamegazaddysworld @willowpains @toterry @wearemadeofstardust0 @cl4uus @maybankslover @itneverendshere @httpsdrewstarkey @ilyrafe @sunny1616 @pillowprincess4him @yootvi @matthewswifeeee @uwuemlwlrld @l4venderia @chenslucy @darkreymbow @congratsloserr @skyslowalking @behindviolettwrites @allthoughtsmindfull @lovelylupin04 @ecstqzy @dasguccier
258 notes · View notes
drewsprincessy · 23 hours
Text
loving you was hard.
warnings: angst, anxiety, anger, comfort, arguing, crying, lmk if i missed any
summary: rafe and reader are in love, but rafe struggles to accept it, he doesnt believe in love.
part one
rafe cameron x female reader.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
you had fallen for rafe, hard. it started off with stealing glances at each other every so often, then it escalated to him asking for your number. you two talked every night, dusk til dawn until you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore. you were the only person he was gentle with, the only one he would give affection to, and even crack a smile with.
he caught himself re-reading your texts and smiling at them, going through your insta posts, checking your following, checking your location, and checking when you were last online.
he thought he just needed a quick hookup, and that was all. but no. the way you smile at him and your dimple pokes through your cheek, or maybe its the way your eyes light up when your excited about something.
he doesnt know what it is, but he cant fall in love. your not important, its just all in his head.
he was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands as he thinks, he regains his composure, shaking his head to try and get rid of the thought. he lets out a long breath, and he stands up. he goes to smoke some weed.
he stops answering your calls, and even stops responding all together. he cant fall in love, he's not fit for a relationship. right?
your a mess. you'd be lying if you said it didn't hurt the way that he ghosted you out of nowhere. but i mean you cant be mad, because your still just a hookup for him. right?
i mean you thought it'd be different because hes never met up with a girl more than once, you guys have even been on real dates. not just the ones where you have sex and not talk for another 2 weeks. you two had gotten to really know each other.
you were just confused, and hurt. you decided you were gonna try to let it go. try and move on, because theres always other men out there.
~
2 weeks pass
you were at home laying in your bed, you just had on a comfy tee shirt, and some yoga shorts.
you had been scrolling thru your phone, giggling at a video you seen on tiktok. you clicked on the comments and scrolled thru them, and you were giggling until a message popped up at the top of your screen. from rafe; your smile faintly drops as you click on the message
-
imessage:
rafe: been thinking about you. um, im really sorry for ditchin you n' shit. i just been going thru stuff and didnt wanna take it out on you. im sorry alright?
y/n: its okay rafe, i understand. call if you need anything. okay?
you were so understanding, and forgiving. even with the half ass apology he gave you, you still forgave him.
-
over the next few weeks, you and rafe start going out again, he fell more and more in love with you, and you felt the same about him. he had enough of it. he couldnt be falling for you.
he was high off drugs, and his breath reeked of alcohol. he was stumbling and could barely walk. there were crowds of people around him at the party he attended to.
you had also been there with rafe, but went off somewhere with kiara and sarah. you decided the topic of conversation was boring, and excused yourself with a "ill be right back." and went to find him.
he had went off into a room with some random chick, they were making out and her clothes were half off. you had almost stumbled on your feet when you walked in, your eyes had immediately began brimming with tears. to save yourself the embarrassment you walk off, quickly as possible. trying to get the hell out of there.
rafe comes outside to where you had walked off to, he immediately catches up to you since his legs were longer, and grabs your arm "whats your problem..why are you crying?" he says, trying not to slur his words
you decide, fuck it. he doesnt care anyway. "your my problem rafe. i fucking love you, i have for a long time. and you lead me on and act like you love me the same way, but then i find you about to hookup with some random girl, that you dont even know! like i dont even exist rafe, and im gonna be honest. that shit HURTS! im so sick of this, im sick of you, and your bullshit excuses, your half ass apologies. FUCK YOU!"
rafe feels a pang of guilt in his chest, even thru the alcohol and drugs. he still manages to muster up some excuse, hes trying to hide the way he feels. "i mean..y/n. what did you expect? i told you what the hell u were gettin into. i dont gain.. feelings. so quit being a damn crybaby"
it starts to rain, and you storm off, even when he yells your name, telling u to come back you dont listen. you kick your heels off, and walk all the way home in the pouring rain.
once u get home, you delete his number, and cry yourself to sleep.
he tries to act as if he doesnt care, he drinks until he passes out.
~
𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓷𝓭
Tumblr media
56 notes · View notes
onskepa · 2 days
Note
What about ronal and tonwari watching their friends love story ? Like fem reader is nervous about choosing a mate when she has a lot of choices and goes to ronal for advice. Admittedly ronal doesn't want to decide for her but she does have someone in mind problem is tonowari also has someone in mind. Que the subtle love war!
Hiya! So this one I had a tad bit too much fun. Enjoy~!!
P.S: ronal and tonowari was years younger in this one! So expect them to be slightly out of character
---------------
Tiftxey
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Ronal was tending to the young new born children, making sure they are healthy and strong. As well as the mothers. The mothers enjoy sharing anything new about their children, their first of something, a new trick, word, or something that caught their eye. It was always entertaining. She hoped one day she would have children of her own. It's only been 2 years since she became mated to tonowari and became tsahik. 
Many women her age have either already mated or are in the process of courting. Ronal predicts many children will be born around the same time. Perfect for them to be friends in a near future. 
“Ronal?” a hesitant voice broke her small train of thought. Looking up, ronal sees her good friend Tiftxey. She had a shy-like posture, her eyes glancing anywhere but her. 
“If you have a moment, can we talk?” 
Tumblr media
Tiftxey, from infants to now adults, tiftxey and ronal have been the best of friends. Even their mothers were like them when they were infants. Close at arms, sisters in spirit. They do anything for each other. This situation is no different, the circumstances are however. 
“You…want me, as your tsahik and friend, to find a suitable mate for you?” Ronal repeated what her friend just said. 
“Yes,” her friend nods. 
“It is not that I am opposed to it but, what is the matter with finding one on your own?” Ronal had to know. Tiftxey is a wonderful woman in her own right, she passed all of her iknimaya with a strong head, earned her tattoos, and has a small reputation of her own. Who could ever resist her? 
“That is the thing ronal. I just CAN'T decide. There are many available men. All good and wonderful. But I also struggle with myself. What exactly do I want in a mate? A warrior? A fisherman? Someone strong and confident? Or someone who is in tune with their feelings and sensitive? I am stuck. And I know I do not have a lot of time, other women are having their eyes on others too. Please help me! I can't on my own!!” 
That was a lot that Ronal had to process.
Tumblr media
Ronal put a lot of thought into it after conversing with her friend. In the end, she agreed to help. Now the problem is still open. Where can she start? Learning from her past experience, she was arranged by the previous tsahik. That is another thing she will have to do later in the future. Perhaps she can use this as practice. However, this is something that cannot have room for any mistakes. Tiftxey is relying on her for this life changing assistance. 
“What has gotten you so lost in your mind, ronal?” 
Ronal turns to see tonowari entering their home with a net full of fish. He sets them down near the fire pit and sits beside ronal. They hug and share a kiss. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, Tonowari tries to read his mate's face. 
“It is tiftxey, she asked something…” Ronal mumbles. 
“What was it?” 
“She asked me to find a mate for her” was the answer. 
It did not surprise Tonowari much, yet couldn't help but feel intrigued. 
“Would that be an arranged marriage..?” he asks.
Ronal looks to the side, thinking it over. 
“Yes..? Well, I believe it will be like that. Choosing someone suitable for her. I thought it over, of course I agreed to help her. This is something that will occur in many years to come” 
Tonowari scratches his chin, silently agreeing. A question still lingers in his mind, ��why does she need help?” 
“Cant decide. I can see why. But tonowari, she seems to be ready to mate. Who? Tiftxey cant seem to make up her mind” 
With a sigh, ronal collects some dried seaweed to weave. 
“And have you thought who might be worth of her?” 
“Not exactly, in the next few days I will need to observe all available men. I have to put into consideration her heart and spirit. Make sure no one hurts her, and treats her well” 
Tonowari nods at that, all mates should treat the other well, and equal. It takes two to be in unison. 
Though, the more he thought about it, it seemed like a big task for Ronal to take alone. Maybe she would like some help?
Tumblr media
Today a handful of warriors would be out on the beach to train the little ones. It will be a good time for Ronal to observe who is the strongest, patient, and good with children. While it is good to find perfect traits in a lover, but tiftexy must also into account if the potential mate has good traits to be a father. 
To not disturb their work, Ronal stands at a fair distance, to “witness the upbringing of the clan's future warriors” was her excuse. Wasn't a lie either. So, for an hour, Ronal was watching only single males who are mated. Some were strict, some a bit more relaxed, some patient, all good traits. 
“Easy there little one, you must hold it like this” 
A strong, almost deep voice rang into ronal’s ears. 
A warrior was demonstrating how to hold a spear to a child. The male was grinning, flexing a bit of his muscles to impress the admiring little ones. 
Txurtu is his name. Ronal doesn't know much personally, he has his display of tattoos, telling his story. Many admire him for his good yet strict teachings, strong head, and a bit of confidence. He seems to be a good choice, but ronal would have to look deeper. There are more men to observe. 
For now, txurtu seems to be a perfect candidate for tiftxey, tonowari might agree as well. 
Tumblr media
Over at the other side of the island was tonowari observing the young artists. Collecting shells and dead corals to make their new masterpiece. Be it for clothing, stories, no spec has gone to waste. Among the artist was a bright eye, warm smile, young male name zet. 
Zet is 2 years younger than Tonowari, but already has a place in the clan. Working closely with the elders, zet is becoming the next story teller. Continuing the old stories while telling new ones. He is good with people, gentle, very patient, and humble. Good traits for any female to fall for. He may not be a warrior or a strong type, but in the eyes of the olo’eyktan, zet is a good man worthy of a good woman. 
He will be perfect for tiftxey. 
So, with a slight smug grin, tonowari takes mental notes. Ronal will most likely be pleased, and hopefully her dear friend as well.
Tumblr media
At sundown, both mates arrived at the same time in their home. Smiles matching, positive laughter. Preparing the fire pit, both work together to begin dinner. 
“You seem to be in good spirits,” Tonowari mentions, starting the fire. 
Ronal hums in satisfaction, “Indeed. I bring wonderful news” 
This piques tonowari’s interest, “what a coincidence, so do I” 
Tilting her head, Ronal cues her mate to go first. 
“I believe I have found a perfect match for tiftxey” tonowari proudly says. 
This made ronal lose her smile. And mood. 
“What? I was also about to say so have I” she says. 
Now both were slightly confused, “who did you see as a potential?” the tsahik asks. 
“Zet” 
Ronal almost wanted to scoff, “zet? The poet?” 
Her mate nods, “Yes, he is gentle, kind, listens very well” he lists. 
Ronal shook her head, not to be mean to her love, but secretly….was that the best he could do? Pick the softest male in their clan? Ronal could not imagine him with tiftxey. What would she think? Will she be disappointed? 
Tonowari catched her expressions and read the lines well. She is clearly not satisfied with his choice. 
“You look unpleasant when I mention zet” he pointed out. 
Ronal looks down a bit, then back at him, “that obvious?”
Folding his arms, tonowari nods, “well then, who did you choose ronal?” 
“Txurtu” she answers confidently. 
Now it was tonowari’s turn to almost scoff, “txurtu? The confident brute?” 
Ronal taps his forehead, “he is not a brute. He is strong, a good warrior, and will protect anyone including tiftxey” 
Tonowari shakes his head, slightly grinning, almost wanting to laugh. “He is aggressive, strong headed, stubborn at times. Do you truly believe he will be good enough for tiftxey? You must also take into account how she is. I bet his aggressiveness will push he away” 
Ronal leans a bit in, her eyes becoming a bit more intimidating. “And you believe zet is a far superior choice? Too soft, refuses to hold any form of weapon, his head stuck in the sands. Easily distracted, never truly focused. Tiftxey would be bored of his predictable ways”
Both narrow their eyes, as if in a more challenging way. 
“Well then my wife, it seems there is no other way than to settle this” tonowari says with a slight grit in his teeth. 
“Of course my husband,” Ronal growls. May the best candidate win. 
Tumblr media
Tiftxey was enjoying her early morning at her home. It was nice and tidy, a good thorough clean. Cant have a messy home, wouldn't be very impressive to a potential mate. She enjoys her meal of roasted fish wrapped in dried, seasoned seaweed. Delicious in her taste buds, another thing she must perfect is her cooking skills. Have to show she can make tasty meals and provide a good meal. 
Sighing deeply, hope lingering in her eyes and mind imagining scenarios of romantic gestures. It has only been a day since she asked Ronal a huge favor. Asking her now would pressure ronal. From what tiftxey has seen from the previous tsahik, arranging is not an easy task. Have to make sure both partners are matching, yet balancing each out. Certainly there is someone on the island that can be her match. 
“Tiftxey?” 
Turning her head around, tiftxey see's txankrr, her long time neighbor. She has known txankrr just as long as she has known ronal. Not close as best friends but still close. 
“Hello txankrr, care for some roasted fish?” she offers, her neighbors nod. Handing him the most recent cooked fish, she gently wraps it in a leaf so as to not burn his hands. Accepting it, he begins to eat, savoring its delicious flavor. 
“What brings you here early?” tiftxey asks, txankrr hums at remembering his reason. 
“I was making my way to the ilu pens when I saw the tsahik speaking to txurtu. Seemed didn't pay attention until she said your name. Have you finally asked her to help you in finding a mate?” 
Tiftxey nods a bit enthusiastically. 
“Yes! I'm surprised she found someone so quick” 
Txankrr tilts his head slightly, “what do you think of txurtu? Be honest” he asks. 
Tiftxey is silent for a few seconds before answering, “well, I cannot say anything at the moment. To be fair, you did spoil a potential surprise. So, until our tsahik brings him up, I won't say a word” 
Fair. 
So, txankrr lets it go for now.
Tumblr media
“Tiftxey, I would like to introduce you to zet” tonowari says as he gestures to zet. The na’vi in topic smiles as he greets tiftxey. This slightly confused her, did ronal tell tonowari of the situation? If so, did they choose together or what is going on? 
“Hello zet” she greets, not wanting to be rude. 
“Zet here is rising to be a storyteller and poet. Knowing his way around the arts and very creative” tonowari proudly lists. This made zet blush a bit. 
“Olo’eyktan, please, you praise too much” he shyly says. Tonowari chuckles, slightly pushing zet forward. “I shall let you two speak alone, get to know each other” he leaves without giving them any room to speak. 
So zet and tiftxey stand in front of each other, smiling and chuckling a bit nervously. 
“Let me be the first to speak, what exactly did our olo’eyktan say to you…?” tiftxey couldn't help but ask. 
Zet rubbed his arm nervously, “he visited my home the other day. Wanting to seeing how I was doing, we spoke until I mentioned that I was in the midst of looking for a mate. He said that it was a coincidence since he knew someone who was also searching for a mate, and then…well, we are here” 
“I see….”
This is an opportunity that she didnt expect but won't deny. It be very rude to both zet and tonowari. So tiftxey will try to make the most of it. 
“Well, why not give it a try? Walk with me?” she asks. Zet nods, still nervous but begins to walk beside her as they start to chat. 
Tumblr media
Tonowari is by no means a stalker, he will never invade someone's space and/or their lives. He is respectful, knows to keep a distant, and above all else, knows better than to stoop so low. 
“So what are you doing?” an all too familiar voice asks. 
Tonowari was hiding behind a lushfull bush until he heard ronal’s voice behind him. He turns to see her not so pleased face. 
“Snooping around like some young boy, you are above this tonowari” she colds. 
Before tonowari can explain himself, her eyes drifted and widen slightly. Do her eyes deceive her? Zet side by side with tiftxey? 
“So…you went through it after all” it wasnt even a question. 
“I knew zet is a good fit, I meant it ronal. He will treat her good” he says 
Both silently observe as zet was chatting while tiftxey was paying close attention. They were painting something together, too far to see what it was exactly. Though from what they can tell, they seem to be getting along fine. This however, does not sit well with ronal. 
“Enjoy your small victory husband, tomorrow things will change” Ronal says as she walks away. Tonowari knows she can be stubborn once she makes up her mind. Well, he may not be as stubborn, but he isnt one to give up. 
Tumblr media
Dinner was shared between tiftxey and txankrr, chatting anything that comes to mind. 
“How was it with zet? Is he what you are looking for?” txankrr asks before sipping some broth. 
“Hmm…its too soon to say. Today was the first day of getting to know him. However, I do like his artistic views, he chats a lot. Expected since he is on his way to be a story tell to the village. But he gets a bit distracted, and easy too” tiftxey says as she recalls spending her time with him. 
“Dont get me wrong, he is a good man. Perhaps with time I will see more sides of him and fully understand” 
“Reasonable” txankrr agrees. 
Without needing to ask, he silently pours more broth into his friends bowl while adding some meat as well. 
“Are you going to meet him again tomorrow?” he asks. 
“Yes, though I get the feeling something will get in the way…” 
Tumblr media
More like someone. 
Mid morning was an agreed time tiftxey and zet agreed to meet, when ronal appeared almost out of nowhere. 
“Tiftxey my friend. I have found a suitable man for you” she says. 
Not giving tiftxey a moment to speak, beside ronal was a tall and muscular na’vi. 
“Hello tiftxey, I am txurtu. I know we barely know each other but hopefully that can grow” txurtu says. His stance was a bit intimidating, strong presence and sharp look. Very different from zet. 
“I looked high and low, in my eyes, he is a potential one. Why not spend some time with him? You will see what I mean” ronal says, and just like tonowari, she leaves them alone. 
“Come, I know a good spot to speak” txurtu takes the lead. Not that tiftxey minded, well, a bit. She didnt want zet to get the wrong idea of ditching her. But she also doesn't want to leave txurtu like that either. 
“Please, tell me about yourself” txurtu asks. His voice strong yet gentle, in hopes to ease her. 
Tumblr media
“Look at her, she is admiring his beauty” Ronal says rather smugly. Tonowari rolls his eyes. 
“Is beauty all that matters? Whatever happened to personality and skills?” 
This time it was ronal that was snooping. Silently following txurtu and tiftxey, seeing how they are interacting. In her eyes, they already look perfect for each other. 
“Yes my husband, but a womans eyes enjoy seeing something beautiful. Like how I see you and admire your tattoos. Tiftxey is no different” 
“Are you sure about that tsahik?” 
Tonowari and ronal quickly turn around to see the fisherman, txankrr. 
“Pardon me for startling you, but I couldnt help but notice you two observing a bit too keenly over tiftxey and txurtu” he says. 
The mates look at each other before quickly fixing their posture. 
“Before anything, tiftxey has shared with me what is going on. May I speak in words of advice?” 
Ronal nodds, granting permission. 
 “Tsahik, you know tiftxey just as long as I do. Olo’eyktan, you have known ronal for many years. However, while yes tiftxey has asked to help in search of a mate, it seems you two have taken it in a way that won't do any favors for her” 
Ronal took a slight offense to that, tonowari didn't but also did not like where this is going. 
“You believe I do not know what is good for her?” ronal hisses. Txankrr in her eyes was also passive, not really taking possible chances or opportunities and just let things be. 
“No, in fact, I believe neither of you do” 
Tonowari had to place his arm over ronal before she can jump on txankrr. 
“Please, explain” he urges txankrr before ronal would tie his tail in a knot. If it is even possible. 
“Zet and txurtu are two good men. They are becoming experts in their owns fields of skills and both are contributing to the clan in their ways. They have good traits that a woman would love to have in her partner. I am not saying they are terrible choices. What I have noticed is they are more suited to your ideals” 
Ronal stopped struggling, her ears twitching at txankrrs words. 
“How so?” she asks. 
“Zet is passive, kind, soft, gentle, and chooses words over weapons. Olo’eyktan, if you were not our leader, your ideals would fit almost exactly like zet. Your words are soft, kind, and gentle. You know many stories and would share with those willing to listen. Ronal, txurtu is more like you. A bit brash, stubborn, bold, a warrior and not afraid to hold a weapon to fight. They are ideals because you are putting your interests first, not tiftxey. 
I know this is for her, but you are forgetting her desire, traits, and what she really needs in a mate. Please think this through before either of them gets hurt. For I am starting to notice this is becoming more like a game to you both” 
Silence fell between ronal and tonowari. Letting txankrr’s words echo in their minds. Perhaps he is right, using their own liking traits over the one who should be their priority. 
“It seems….there is much to think over” ronal says. 
“Yes, and fix as well” tonowari agrees. 
Tumblr media
Meanwhile tiftxey was having an interesting time of her life. 
“See? I told you, seaweed when seasoned just right, it will compliment the fish” she says as she, zet and txurtu all have an early lunch at the beach. 
“Kelp would make a good substitute if seaweed cannot be contained” zet gives tips. 
“Though this reminds me of that one story about a fish with shiny reflective scales” he goes on. 
Tiftxey gasps happily, “I think I know which one you are talking about” 
“That is a good story, my brother would say it to his children every night” txurtu says. He has pieces stuck to his mouth, tiftxey gently wiped it away for him. 
“This might sound odd, but I have always wondered what an akula would taste like” he confsses. He expected mocking laughter but none came. Zet and tiftxey had thoughtful expressions. 
“We might never know, they are dangerous to capture. Even our olo’eyktan struggled with one” zet mentions. 
“Well, we can only dream about it. But I hope the pincer fish will do it for now?” tiftxey asks as she offers more fish to which zet and txurtu happily accepts. 
“If you two are available, perhaps tomorrow you can come by to my place? I have something that might help with going into the sea” zet offers. Txurtu was the first to accept, tiftxey gladly did too. 
“Maybe after, let's ride on our akula’s? The tides are low enough for good hunting” txurtu offers. All accepted and already planning out the next day will be. 
Tumblr media
Okie this one took me a bit, had to think how will the scenarios play out. Happy with how it turned out, hope you all like it! Until next time! See ya!
----------
Tiftxey = choice
zet = treat emotionally, display an attitude towards
Txurtu = strong man
Txankrr = for a long time
25 notes · View notes
sugardoodle · 2 years
Text
I have 2 days to decide whether or not to spay my accidental new cat before she has her babies. She's like, t-minus 7ish days until birth so I have no idea what I should do. Like they might be viable at this point so it feels more like euthanizing an entire litter than just terminating a pregnancy. Like you can feel them moving and kicking if you touch her belly. I've been dying the past 3 days over this decision but I'm almost out of time.
Also if anyone thinks to berate me for allowing her to get pregnant, you can go kick rocks, because I brought her in from outside over a month ago since she was a stray and it was almost winter. She came like that so it's not my fault, and they couldn't get me in for a spay any sooner because of the high demand for the low cost clinic. It was originally scheduled for December 1st but I wasn't sure if she'd still be pregnant at that point, so they were able to get me on the cancelation list. But not as soon as I wanted and now I'm in a pickle.
I dont regret bringing her inside at all, but I do wish I'd been able to just fork over the couple hundred extra it would have cost to have her spayed at my actual vet rather than waiting for the clinic to have a spot. But now if I decide to back out and let her raise the kittens, itll cost that much anyways to have them all fixed and chipped and vaxxed and whatnot. So it didn't matter much in the end, ig? Unless I can live with myself if I make the decision to have the babies aborted. Which in humans like, your body your choice. But this cat can't make any choices so it's on ME to decide FOR her and she would probs be fine either way since she's an animal. But I'm having a problem with it so UGH what do I DO now.
4 notes · View notes
floofyeldog · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
So, uh, that chapter was pretty interesting, huh?
138 notes · View notes
Note
I don't understand this marchil thing what's the appeal
I JUST wrote about this haha
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
and knowing that you may not get to see the rest of someone's life doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the moments you will get with them.
overall, I like their dynamic and chemistry...
at the start, it feels as though marcille is not very knowledgeable of the world outside of academics. she isn't comfortable in most of society because she's always seen as an outsider. she does her best to put up this image, and she cares a lot about it. but it's all based on this Fear that she's not enough or too much, and nobody will ever understand her. that she will always be alone.
I think Falin helped crack that in Marcille (og farcille truther); she showed her that it's okay to just slow down and notice the moment. to breathe it in and not even worry about the passing of time.... but Marcille was young and caught in her fears still... hard to shake them. so she took it more like a challenge, like, "how can I let everything I love slow down so much that I don't have to notice that it's left me???" so desperate to capture the things she loves.
...
And Chilchuck is just like. this guy ??? and he could die so young ????? he had a life and a family and a moment to enjoy, and he's out here risking his precious short life ???? she's shocked she's concerned she's invested.
but we know Chilchuck has experienced loss. he's most likely experienced it so much that he doesn't even consider it *should* phase him. his parents are likely dead, his wife doesn't want him, his children are adults out living THEIR lives. halflings don't live that long, so what ?? it's his life and He is living it 🙄 he is an Adult and he can do what he wants !? who knows when it will end anyway !...?
and you know,, it's that. where they connect. like. you can't get too close to someone; they could die! they could leave you ???
Marcille wears her heart on her sleeve, yells,and fights and kicks for them. she can't say it but you Can See It. she can't leave a friend behind she can't stop herself from wanting the best for others.
Chilchuck cages himself in iron. he runs, and he hides. he can't stand to be responsible for others wellbeing, it only hurts. he can't let them know he cares because then he would have to acknowledge it himself.
but we SEE the group becoming more comfortable with the idea that they Do care about one another. and we see all of them get closer and worry for the others. opening up and saying as much.,
chilchuck sees the way marcille cares Whole-Heartedly, and he can't look away. he can't believe someone would be so foolish and has lived that long. has she not been hurt enough? how could she lay her heart out so willingly? it makes him curious, and it makes him concerned. it gets him too close in a way he doesnt usually let himself get. scary...
marcille sees chil closing himself out from others and can't help but want to know what's on his mind. can't believe someone could have NO time at ALL with their loved ones ?? and not want the most of it...? he loved! how could he not want to keep that??? he's running from something she would love to have. but she doesn't know the complexities of it all,
they have to learn how to change, how to grow as people. they gain a wider understanding of the world through each other (and the rest of the entire group and through the events of the manga OBVIOUSLY) ! !! ! and through their differences they find the same root fear and that same root love.
is this coherent I do not know. love and light ✨️🥰✌️
40 notes · View notes
pkmoth · 13 days
Text
having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
14 notes · View notes
rosykims · 3 months
Text
im a eurydice = solas truther btw and ill die for my beliefs
Tumblr media
be so serious........ and lavellan as orpheus......
Tumblr media
#I NEED TO BE LOBOTOMIZED. TRULY.#i dont even know where to start i feel like i cant even post abt this bc theres no way all my thoughts can fit coherently lol#like the 2nd act/hadestown soul-selling business is just solas committing to his goals....#who would win eurydice/solas ''i walk the dinan'shiral - there is only death on this journey'' or orpheus/lavellan walking it anyway lol#to find them and bring them home again#also if the solas-is-a-spirit-that-mythal-bound theory turns out true then the hades = mythal parallels well. they are parelleling <3#''And the choice is yours / if you're willing to choose / Seeing as you've got nothing to lose / And I could use a canary'' HELLO????#ik the other popular interpretation is solas as orpheus but idk solas/eurydice just makes me crazy . it works so well#like theres that one interaction thats like#eurydice: “i havent seen a spring or fall since.... i cant recall”#orpheus "thats what im working on / a song to fix what's wrong / take whats broken#make it whole / a song so beautiful / it brings the world back into tune''#and thats very solas coded. BUT its also such a good parellel to high approval lavellan's fixing the world thru the inquisition/anchor#and thru their kindness and curiosity and all the things he thought were lost in arlathan. the things that make him think maybe shes Real#and it could all be real and worthwhile.#solas recognising the depth and personhood of lavellan thru their [from his pov endearingly naive] actions and spirit#''i havent seen a spring or fall since...i cant recall'' / ''you show a wisdom i have not seen since.... since my deepest journeys into the#ancient memories of the fade'' what if i lost my entire goddamn mind. what if i just completely lost it lol#ok im done im so sorry i feel like harrassing every single person ive ever met with this information like idek what to do with myself lol
18 notes · View notes
s4pphoiduser · 10 months
Text
in a world with an aftg show (because it Has to be a show, not a movie) seth would have a Pretty Guy actor playing him who looked even prettier when he was sneering or scowling and people would make edits of him with the velocity + slo-mo effects and be like "i can fix him"
#and kevin would be it boy of the century and matt would be THE 2000s icon along with allison#neil's the one who looks scrappy and jumpy (which he is) but everyone's gonna be in love with his sharp tongue and hater behavior#everyone would either hate andrew or love him and obv i fall into the second category i'd be no. 1 andrew minyard apologist/defender/lover/#everyone (including myself) would love nicky if this adaptation of him didnt come with all those predatory jokes godbless#everyone else is an icon. yes even aaron who's way too detached from the foxes but he partially slays just being a fox and king of idgafdom#the girls are icons obviously duhhh#but i think with riko the actor would be soooo good and pretty like scary pretty that people make edits and the captions are like DISCLAIME#wymack would have sooo many edits with the sound of whatever's trending that's equivalent to the usher DADDY'S HOME one#i actually have so many thoughts ab an aftg show despite how much i dont want it like i cant help it! aftg slays too much!#these bitches r all too damaged! i love them all too much! i think ab them all the time!#lots of people hate but aftg and the foxes r genuinely some of the most well written relationships to me probably bc i can personally relat#and i think a show would allow for other scenes that we dont see in the book bc theyre all from neil's pov and we don't really find anythin#know anything ab the other foxes beyond what neil knows himself#and LEST I FORGET. JEAN MOREAU. ICON OF THE CENTURY METHINKS...!#neil josten#andrew minyard#kevin day#dan wilds#allison reynolds#renne walker#matt boyd#aaron minyard#nicky hemmick#seth gordan#s4pphoiduser#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#the raven king#the king's men
32 notes · View notes
maj0rmayhem · 1 month
Text
Really feeling that post abt how yearning and loneliness is great until you're curled up on your bed whimpering at the ache in your chest like a wounded dog. are we cooked chat.
7 notes · View notes
softshuji · 10 months
Text
eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh
#i just find it like so unfair yknow#im the only one who works in myhouse and full time#but i come home and the house isnt clean and i tidy up and sort everything out and tidy the kitchen anf living room after dinner and put#my sister to bed and yk if there was no one else to do these things id understand but#i have 5 brothers all of whom are adults and they dont lift a finger#its not as if any of them work bec they dont and neither does my dad#and im so so so exhausted yk? bec not everything is my job or responsibility#and i keep blaming other things for me getting sick but yknow what maybe i just dont rest enough#and the other day i was upset bec i'd had a tough day at work and i felt unwell and i cleaned up everything after dinner and my brother#said i didnt have a right to be upset bec i “chose” this. like as if i chose to work full time nd do all the chores for a family of 9#and it just really upsets me bec no one sees an issue with it and im so mad at my mom at rhe same time#constant therapy sessions w her bec shes mad at my dad and wants someone to vent at and then he does the same abt her and my brothers#and im so tired yknow just sososos tired bec she'll complain abt how they dont do anything but then she wont ensure they do either#its just empty complaints whereas she thrust responsibility on me when i was 9 and yet my brothers are 18+ - all but one that is and they#cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything.#like yes i know my dad is a failure of a husband and a father i expected that i'll never be a good enough daughter for him and that the onl#thing he has to say about me is that im bringing shame on our family despite everything ive done but come on#im just tired and upset#its hard not to see yourself as a robot or machine when theres little room to be anything else.#and even on a day like today when i dont feel well it never stops and i just keep doing#im sad i want a hug from my gangster bf#oh god i am sorry pls do not perceive me for this#and yk what#thats why i cant stand when people are nice to me bec all i can think of is#i havent done anything to deserve this? i should have to give something in return#or if not#theres something this person must want because why else would they be nice to me when i havent done anything for them#i cannot fathom the concept that someone just wants me because its me#its literally just not possible why would anyone fo that for me
19 notes · View notes
kavennnn · 4 months
Text
coil ch
Tumblr media
edit: tumblr stole half of my tags so i put a bad version of the second half of what i was trying to say in my notes :( sorry
#magic and mystery#m&m coil#this one was actually sweet tho#kinda mad that lockhart's getting any credit at all but what can ya do#i think i would be more destroyed if blaise actually killed him#hhow tf did he actually find the chamber tho???#like what could make you guess there???#i hope that gets answered#cant remember how he found out in the hp books either#think he followed them????? maybe???#but he took too long to have followed them in coil i think.. so idk#but it was an incredibly sweet ending#and i like that we got to see ginny's love for chaos form#if allegory writes another year then that year will be insane#especially w/ percy and pansy now in the gang too ??!!#man the gang is going#and again i predicted since early coil that by the end of coil pansy would join the gang#i believed in her#dad snape is back again and thank god too#obviously the pm is gonna mess w/ their relationship#but yk#him getting his name cleared and not being able to do anything abt it im happy but worried abt him going home#how are they even gonna end the year off??? will snape pomfrey and mcgonagall rlly let him go home#theyre gonna have too right??#also the diary is still in play and im concerned#but for now we have a ch ending on a nice note#ALSO I FINALLY GOT MY BLAISE POV ID BEEN CALLING FOR AWHILE NOW#surprised it took this long and that it didnt address things i thought it would#it was good and it made since for him to be thinking like that in the moment#but i rlly want him to atleast address pansy's arm getting broken eventually
13 notes · View notes
the-knife-consumer · 7 months
Text
Forgot just how upsetting gloomed korok forest is
#idk. just this one sanctuary that was different from the rest in that all of these spirits only link and a few others#can see are offering you help and safety. care uniquely for you. a bed for YOU. YOUR sword. kept safe for 100 years for YOU.#thrown together shops just for YOU because nobody else goes here or even knows it exists.#and then you return and the people who cared so much about you dont even speak to you anymore#they cant speak. they just stand there#idk korok forest made me feel the most like i fucked up somehow#rito village was bad but still livable. if things got any worse then they would have to abandon home until it settled#but no one was in immediate life threatening danger#gerudo was really REALLY bad and people were in danger. just all crammed inside a bunker. no going into town because your#home doesnt belong to you anymore#and then the zora were ... idk felt the least pressing even though it definitely should be bc like. they breathe water.#if the water is gross theyll die. but idk something about how it was executed felt less terrible#maybe they outwardly expressed more hope? idk. same with the gorons didnt feel like there was a pressing threat#but korok forest is fucking AWFUL. god#idk. nobody in hyrule talks about it because they dont know there are people there. nobody else can see them so nobody knows#somethings wrong. with no lead into it finding korok forest the way it is just feels soooo much worse.#idk. on my first playthru i kind thought i fucked up and shouldve gotten there sooner.#it just feels like no matter what youre too late and its your fault
15 notes · View notes
violentdevotion · 1 year
Note
wait do you have a fav boys character yet ?
i really like butcher but i feel like that's a basic answer and also the wrong answer. in another world id like frenchie but i can't get over how much i hate the actor. I love maeve theres never a moment she's on screen where im thinking get this woman outta here she's always entertaining to me. i like starlight but (and this is probably a bit nasty to say) there's smth a little uncanny valley about her sometimes where when she's talking im not listening but staring at her face trying to see what features throwing me off. I hate ashley but the actress played an insufferable character in jessica jones too and I really appreciate her ability to play The Most annoying woman you know.
centrist answer i like them all (except stormfront. hated her before i even knew she was a nazi. she was on insta live and i was waiting for her to explode and die) but my fave would have to be butcher bc i find im rooting for him the most and constantly justifying his actions. but sometimes karl urbans accent pisses me off. also black noir but he doesn't Do anything so it's hard to have him as a fave bc he's barely there.
#avds.got.mail#kieran tag#ik men like soldier boy so ill wait to see him do some evil disgusting horrendous thing that would make most ppl go ew he sucks but make#cis men ages 18-35 go wow hes soo cool#i like kimiko too but i dont think im allowed to say shes my fave when sometimes when shes like i dont want to be a weapon anymore :( im#mad at her and thinking get over it. i like mm but hes kinda this mother hen character and i dont rly tend to favour characters who are the#rational voice of reason like can we please get some conflict here#hughies whatever. i rly like his dad though lets go simon pegg#in the 7: homelander sucks. i find a train fun but his athlete storyline wasnt compelling to me personally bc the more i thought about it#the more i thought his superpower sucks. despite it all i find the deep kinda fun. i like that hes a scientologist.#didnt like transparent. was meh about lamplighter. didnt like whats his name sonicboom?? had a personal vendetta against that hijabi supe#we saw for like 2 seconds girl what are you doing there !!!!!! why are you playing into the diversity market !!!!#like edgar but in the way everyone likes giancarlo esposito's characters#nadia is whatever she was always meh to me even as a background character but i rly love the idea of having the superpower to explode#peoples heads with your mind i cant help but think of the xmen and think about if there was a mutant with the ability to explode heads with#their mind and that was their only ability and what a hard fucking sell that would be for xavier#(ive never read the xmen comics and have only seen some of the movies so i like to imagine charles xavier as lilo in the lilo and stitch#cartoon where every episode she would find an experiment with a unique function to destroy and would have to find it a home where it could#help instead. like yeah this experiment fattens people up and eats them lets put him in a resturant or smth#but with mutants#this mutant makes ice lets send him to a fridge company. this mutant explodes heads lets.... erm.#)
19 notes · View notes
saeshiraw · 1 year
Text
tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
22 notes · View notes
lottieurl · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
why don’t you carry me home
care by robot koch
139 notes · View notes