#and what can i say about emily other than i am obsessed with her characters every single time
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Started watching A Starstruck Odyssey because I wanted some more fun silly antics and I am really liking it. Getting into the groove of things of the sci world was a bit confusing at first but I knew I would get used to it. I am just less of a sci fi nerd than fantasy so I need a little more to get my bearings but I do enjoy it.
Ngl it's really fun to see Ally play the most capable and serious person of the group. I love that they have to be the person in charge so they are not supposed to get into shenanigans but they can't stop themselves from feeding into the chaotic energy.
The Zac character switch was great too. I did not expect that at all I was curious to see how Skip was gonna work and then he got slugged lol. Honestly it's so good because Zac is so insanely great when it comes to physicality and he sells the character so well.
#i am really enjoying it ngl#margaret is very sexy ally is doing so well#siobhan plays innocent clueless so well dhdh#the mlm thing is insane dhdh#big barry and gunny are so funny#and what can i say about emily other than i am obsessed with her characters every single time#nobody does character arcs like emily imo i love her#dimension 20#yapping time#a starstruck odyssey#margaret encino#ally beardsley#zac oyama#norman takamori#sundry sidney#emily axford#big barry syx#brian murphy#riva#siobhan thompson#gunnie miggles rashbax#lou wilson
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♡ Wip List ♡ Requests Open Until Nov 1
Requests can be sent via ask, keep in mind that I only write smut and am currently writing for the current characters: ♡ Emily Prentiss ♡ Olivia Benson ♡ Casey Novak ♡ Natasha Romanoff
Requests: OPEN
Current wips:
♡ a dom Olivia x sub reader please - degradation but in a sweet/loving way? So like, instead of mean names it's cute ones but said in a mocking way, if that makes sense?
also maybe a little bit of Olivia using her strength against reader, maybe holding them down? Cause I know that woman could crush me (and I'd let her)
also! Sorry not sorry but I'm obsessed with her boobs I think it could be really fun to include some boob stuff, or maybe even some thigh stuff?
♡ sub!nat x reader - passionate honeymoon sex
♡ Emily Prentiss x Olivia Benson x Reader - mommy kink, bottom!reader, 'no prompt, just go wild'
♡ top grey hair Emily x reader - filthy smut reader is stress from work when she comes home, and mommy emily is her stress reliever and gets her puppy to warm her strap.. choking kink too?
♡ sub! emily x dom!reader - rough sex (spanking, hair yanking, all the good stuff) leading to safe word usage from emily. then reader’s demeanor changes completely, and it’s all sweet and soft and apologies and pet names, and they decided to finish out the night with some softer, tender sex?
♡ (Red-eye pt2) so I do have some suggestions: )! They could be in prentiss office, for setting let’s say, maybe earlier in that morning they had an argument about work, or something at home that was just bugging the hell outta both of em’. So the female reader (being the more dom/top) wtv gets Emily flowers & and while she’s stuck on this file the female reader walks in causing another argument bc Emily is like overwhelmed w all sorts of emotions, which that could lead to having real kinky hate fucking 🤗🤗🤭. (Slapping, spitting in each others mouth, slight bleeding, dry humping,
♡ BAU reader x unit chief prentiss - have been a casual thing for months without the team knowing. Despite not making things official (yet), they act exclusive. Garcia sensing Emily is stressed/needs relief….encourages her to find a hook up while they are out at a bar & plays matchmaker. The woman chosen comes to sit at the table with them and is very flirty towards Emily who plays into it for appearances so the girls don’t question anything.
R obviously upset by what she sees gets up to get another drink. while at the bar she runs into an old friend. it’s a friendly interaction but from the table it looks to be more. when she comes back, the girls are teasing and r decides to play into it to make Emily just as jealous as she is. Goes as far as to text the friend about it who gladly plays along and r leaves the bar early to clearly hook up. When Emily is able to come up with an excuse to leave (without Garcia’s match), she checks reader’s location. Seeing she’s at home, she rushes over there. (R, home alone no hook up) opens the door to an angry emily.
Emily angrily confesses her feelings and says “you have to know, i never would have taken her home right?” (Assuming she’s just hooked up with someone) becomes slightly possessive and pushes r inside against the wall and asks sexually charged questions. It is revealed to have been nothing more than a trick and Emily laughs and says “see. you’re mine. you know it. maybe you need to be punished for such a cruel joke?” to which r quickly takes control of the situation (opposite of their usual dynamic) and tops Emily.
Absolutely filthy, possessive yet loving smut. After a few rounds, they have an honest conversation (no anger) and decide to be exclusive and officially together. Emily jokingly says “now don’t get used to being the one on top all the time now” and reader clocks that with a “all the time? so you did enjoy it.” and a final cuddle before they sleep.
♡ Emily Prentiss x reader with waxplay 🙏
♡ Wilhemina Venable Mommy Kink rough smut.
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Henry's Nightguard (Headcanons/Scenario) Henry Emily X Nightguard Reader (FNAF/Five Nights At Freddy’s
#FNAF #Yandere #HenryEmily #FiveNightsAtFreddys #Reader #Scenario #Headcanons #YandereFNAF #YandereHenryEmily #HenryEmilyXReader #Nightguard
[Hello My Sexy Muffins, This is something I had a while to do, I will also be making this in a youtube video. This was a request from Tumblr and is long overdue. So Please Enjoy!]
-These will be the headcanons and scenario of Henry Emily with a Female Night Guard Reader/Listener-
(Disclaimer: Henry Emily is not yandere in canon, this is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all. Simping for fictional yanderes and fictional characters is fine as long as you separate fiction from reality and do not be gross about it. Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life.)
-Headcanons With Henry Emily X Female Nightguard Reader-
.He had brought you in on his plan for William.
.Using you to spy on William and do what needed to be done.
.The thing he did not think of happening was falling in love with you.
.You were so so stunning he just could not let it go.
.So he would be the type to start to talk to you more and get to know you more.
.The more he got to know you the more he fell into obsessive love with you.
.You are a beautiful woman though he is older than you.
.At the very least old enough to be your older brother or at most for you to be a daughter!
.He was not a creepy old man.
.He had to remind himself of that.
.Though he would spend nights with you and it was driving him mad.
.He decides what is the worse thing that can happen.
.He can confess his feelings to you and give it a shot.
.He is the type to keep you by his side.
.He deals with rivals by making you work longer shifts with him.
.That way you are spending time with him and he is also making you tired so you will NOT want to spend time with anyone else.
.He knows his days with you are the best.
.Maybe he could even grow old with you.
.He would confess to you on one of those long shifts.
.If you said yes he would be happy and you would spend that night very much doing other stuff.
.If you said no he lets that sink in and he is plotting and planning on how he can make you his.
.Without hurting you of course.
.With you his darling nightguard he trusts you a lot.
.Also he worries about it constantly.
.He also would isolate you so you would only work with him.
.That way he would be the only one to see you for more than 12 hours a day.
.There is no way you would not get feelings for him, it is all a matter of time.
.Also he would stalk you, following you home and making sure you got enough sleep.
.Bringing extra food with him on night shifts to make sure you eat.
.Always encouraging you and making sure you are confident in yourself.
.Is a supportive yandere and also very self sacrificing type.
-Now Onto the Scenario with you and Henry please Enjoy-
(Yes this will be in Henry's POV so as I say I it is as Henry)
(Henry's POV)
I looked at her as we sit in the office, she is so beautiful. I longed to be able to be with her. Not just watch over her as we sit here. I know I am kind of creepy to her. I am almost old enough to be her father for christ's sake. I looked at her again and watch her as she reads her book and eat (fav/meal) that I made for her. She thinks I just had extra but I had made it with her in mine as I knew it was her favorite.
She looks up at me. "You are doing it again." She tells me.
"What?" I ask.
"Staring at me and getting lost in thought you do it a lot." She says.
I blush and clear my throat. "Sorry."
"It is okay, just wondering what you think about when you do that. Are you thinking about her?"
She is referring to my daughter, Charlie. I look away. "No I am not." I say and pick up the tablet to flick through the cameras."
When I worked here with her the animatronics did not seem as interested in us. When she worked here alone, she had some trouble, but not as much as Michael. Michael is the spitting image of his father. So They assume that Michael is the man that killed them and try to attack him.
"Henry?" She asks. "Why did you hire me?"
"Because I needed a new night guard," I tell her, which was true, she was also very beautiful.
"Yeah, but Michael told me you normally only keep them for about a week." She states. "Though you told me what is really going on, then showed me the proof, I did not leave and now we are here. So why tell me and keep me."
"I have grown to care for you." I tell which was partly true.
"Ok." She says and then hits the button as Bonnie had wandered back here. "I feel bad for them, so much pain. So this Remnant thing, what if the soul leaves but the pain stays."
We got to talking about that and soon it was the morning. She gave a face-cracking yawn. "Looks like it is time for me to hit the sack." She says. "See you tonight Henry."
"(Name) wait!" I say and she turns to me. "I have feelings for you, would you like to grab dinner before our shift?"
I blurted it out without thinking and she laughs I felt my heart sink.
"It is about time you asked." She laughed.
Wait...
"I know the way you look at me Henry, pick me up at eight."
I watched her walk away and my heart raced and a grin comes to my face. I told her! I told her how I felt and she said yes! She is one step closer to being mine! Mine! All MINE!
Everything is getting better and soon Charlie will be at peace and she will be MINE Forever.
[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter done, I hope you all enjoyed and yes I will do a different William one at a different time, please enjoy and stay sexy!]
#yandere#yandere henry emily#yandere fnaf#yandere five nights at freddys#yandere headcanons#yandere scenario#scenario#headcanons#five nights at freddy's#fnaf#fnaf henry emily#henry emily#henry emily x reader#reader#female reader#female night guard#nightguard reader
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Hellaverse Theories: Hazbin Hotel S1E8
Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! Last episode of Hazbin time, and after this I’ll start on Helluva Boss (which shouldn’t be nearly as long but I am a windbag so who knows). Let’s go!!
Hazbin Hotel s1e8, here we go:
And here we go again with Vox and his complete reasonable obsession with Alastor and anyone who associates with him, love that for Vox, truly. Best life: he’s living it. But it’s also kinda scary how comprehensive a view Vox has of everyone and everything; we know this already, but watching him watching the Hotel just sort of feels…more violating. Because of audience bonding with the characters, really, but still. There’s a reason why the Vees are a terrifying force to be reckoned with and its real-world reflections make me too sad and full of impotent rage to manage so let’s move on.
Charlie wishing her mom could see this! Sweet! Valid! Somehow super sad knowing where her mom is but not knowing why!!
Well. Vaggie straight-up calls them all “sinners.” So for me that pretty handily puts the “are cannibals sinners” debate to bed. For a while, at least; I’m still gonna be double-checking the blood spatter when the battle starts.
Yeah Pentious giving the grand toast to not dying, I’m not. I’m not emotional. I’m fine.
So this little scene with Alastor and Niffty…intriguing. Seems to show a softer side of Alastor, one where he hangs up the scheming for one minute and admits he’s been enjoying himself, enjoying these people (for their interpersonal drama entertainment value if nothing else). It’s funny and it’s sweet and definitely shows why Niffty sticks with Alastor on the off chance he doesn’t own her soul. And it also has me not completely convinced that when Alastor gets the chance to accomplish his goals by betraying everyone at the Hotel, he isn’t going to feel some level of conflict about it. Getting a character who believes so completely in their own infallibility to crack: the ultimate Good Narrative Food.
(nope hang on angel and husk are flirting pause the analysis have to go squeal about it—)
(I’m a veteran of the Good Omens (TV) fandom and got pulled into watching a snake and reptile care youtube, I know about snake hemipenes, why is the mention that Pentious might have them taking me out at the kneecaps)
Lute being Too Much for Adam never ceases to make me laugh. Or remember that she definitely deserves to be a main villain, at least for a little while. (Alright her name is Lute because “lieutenant” but for the longest time I thought her name was Lute as in “guitar-like instrument” because Adam WOULD, that weirdo; I choose to believe it’s both tbh.) Lute is someone who is way more a foil for Vaggie than anyone else right now, and the absolute struggle in her future is making me excited. ALL ABOARD THE STRUGGLE BUS, LUTE.
I’m sorry I just paused to make another note of something but it’s flown OUT OF MY ENTIRE HEAD because I just realized HUSK AND ANGEL ARE BOTH CRACKING THEIR KNUCKLES AT THE SAME TIME AS THE EXORCISTS APPROACH. WHAT WAS I SAYING??
Right. Vaggie. Got her new wings, and it’s interesting to me that she immediately hides them. Even more interesting to me that she CAN immediately hide them; none of the angels ever seem to, if they even can. That seems a little more…demonic in nature. Because Lucifer certainly can. Sera and Emily change their forms slightly, but the wings stay out at all times (mainly bc it seems Heaven is specifically formed around being able to get around with them on, especially the courtroom). Just one more way that Vaggie is embracing her new life, I suppose.
And here come the Vees, safe in whatever bunker they’ve got, and once again I can’t stress enough how Vox seems to be the only one with any interest in the proceedings. The other two are treating it like Vox dragged them to a sports event that he’s super into and they’re just along for moral support at best. The utter boredom of it all is something I can’t fathom. But I’ll try: this means nothing to them. The Hotel means nothing. The Extermination means nothing because they can just hide from it while the rest of Hell gets slaughtered. They’re cold-blooded ruthless manipulators who might be about to give Lucifer a run for his money if they aren’t stopped. I look forward to season 2 very much. Because on a grand scale, the Vees mean NOTHING. Their games are PETTY SQUABBLES. They don’t rank on the cosmic horror scale because the fight is so much bigger than they are. But they can sure throw wrenches into things!
ALRIGHT HERE WE GO THE PRODUCT OF MY MANY THEORIES ABOUT OVERLORD MECHANICS AND ALASTOR SPECIFICALLY: the shield moment. They seem to be expecting it to happen, so Alastor knew he could do it, but it’s my firm belief that he couldn’t until he made the deal with Charlie. He figured out that he can get powerups just from making deals themselves, or else has been doing it better than anyone else if it’s a known thing, and Charlie isn’t a slouch in the power department. So that’s my theory: Alastor is only able to go toe-to-toe with Adam at all because he’s borrowing a little taste of Charlie’s power from their deal. He’s already plenty powerful, and maybe he could do the shield the whole time, but I do think the deal with Charlie was made at a very opportune time, and Alastor probably only agreed to take on Adam solo because of his overconfidence in himself now boosted with having some of Charlie’s power. I only really have a gut feeling to provide as a source for this, because the only one who proves up to facing Adam is Lucifer; Alastor made a good call, possibly recruiting more of Charlie’s power more directly in a deal when he did, but Charlie isn’t a match for Adam, either, so Alastor very much couldn’t be. He has the speed and the skill to definitely give Adam a bad time, but he can’t withstand the power. Charlie doesn’t have the skill, but she could have the power in time. Lucifer…well, he’s an unfair powerhouse, deus ex machina in a top hat and resolving daddy issues, and we love that for him.
Anyway. Shield. Angels finding out in a very nasty way they can be killed. Adam being his usual misogynistic self. And then Adam deciding he’s over it and obliterating the shield in one punch.
I get the feeling that Adam really doesn’t do much during Exterminations beyond laugh and make tasteless jokes while occasionally smiting demons that get too close or look fun to squash. Because he just effortlessly whips out these shows of power that nobody seems to be able to account for, which makes me think it’s because nobody has ever seen Adam actually try and fight in earnest before. Following the theme of the show, they’re hopelessly outmatched (outgunned outmanned outnumbered outplanned I’M SORRY), and manage to pull a win out of their asses anyway thanks to the power of Love (and pulling Lucifer out of his millennia-long funk for at least half an hour), which Adam very clearly doesn’t have. But. Who needs Love when you have whatever terrifying powerup the higher-ups saw fit to give him?
“A mortal soul is no match for me, edgelord.” Okay. Okay. Here we go. So…Adam isn’t a mortal soul…despite being the first human soul in Heaven. He wields divine light and has a divine axe. Lilith isn’t a mortal soul despite being the original first woman, rules as Queen of Hell when she’s at home, and has an inspiring voice and song to grow Hell’s strength. It’s safe to say that someone else granted them these powerups (Sera/the Seraphim for Adam, Lucifer for Lilith). So…let’s look at Alastor again, just for a sec. He demonstrates ability far beyond what we see any other Overlord or demon do, seems to know his way around deals and loopholes like the slipperiest lawyer in existence, and his rise to infamy was meteoric. It’s a popular theory that instead of Lilith, the person holding the other end of Alastor’s leash is Roo, especially given the repeating eye motif that he has in his magic, but I wonder if Roo isn’t giving him a power-up already, and the deal where he’s caged is something else. If the two are separate in some way.
“You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate.” Now THAT…throws a very different spin on the theory, actually. If Adam and Lilith weren’t gifted their abilities, but took them, Lilith drawing from Hell and Adam from Heaven. If nobody gave either of them anything at all, but they found ways to elevate themselves. Or…made deals, perhaps? Either way, Alastor seems well on his way to becoming something Else just like they are, but. He isn’t there yet. Hence the need to make a deal with Charlie and stick close to her and her budding power. Hence why Alastor couldn’t take on Adam yet.
Y’know. I haven’t mentioned or noticed Alastor’s shadow much. But it certainly is a huge part of his power. Just like the microphone staff, which is broken now oh nooooo. But back to the shadow—the combination of the shadow plus the voodoo aspect of Alastor’s powers are a bit too much Dr. Facilier for comfort (which is hysterical given that Keith David is right there voicing Husk), but the tentacles add a nice touch. Although all of that, plus the deer aspect, plus the possible cannibalism and serial murder, plus the radio—does it seem like Alastor might have too much going on? Because I’m wondering how much of that is his, and how much is alternative powerups from other deals. He made his name as an Overlord killer, after all—and as an Overlord himself, owning souls grants power. I’m certain that whatever supply he’s high on, it’s the only way he was able to survive being first hit by pure holy light, and then cut down by Adam like that. So it must be working for him—but not well enough.
There is something so comedically horrific about how Adam just…vaporizes Pentious, war machine and all. It seems to be a pretty effective death; however, I do have to wonder how it would affect Pentious’ ability to be redeemed if it was angelic steel that got him instead of holy light. Either way, confirming that there are multiple ways to kill demons, angelic steel is just the most straightforward, and wow he’s just wholly gone now, huh? Not even any debris or a body or anything.
(Putting this theory up while I’m thinking about it: concerning Charlie’s deal with Alastor, and specifically the “one favor where you harm no one” bit, a part of me thinks that Alastor is going to have Charlie stand aside and let him kill someone…just to prove that they can be redeemed. Whether that’s Alastor’s purpose or not in killing is up for constant debate in my head, but I do want it made very clear that Pentious wasn’t redeemed until he died. Demonic redemption might require double death; maybe the souls are re-judged on double death anyway. Who knows??)
HEY, BLOOD THEORY CONFIRMATION: Dazzle (gosh I hope I got that right) bleeds black. He’s Hellborn. There IS differentiation in blood colors given in this show. NICE.
So why the ENTIRE HELL does Charlie bleed RED?
It’s subtle, it could be written off as her horns, but it’s there in certain shots; she’s bleeding from the head after Adam throws her into the hotel sign, definite drips that aren’t her horns at all, or bloodstains from possibly being close to cannibals who died. And it’s red. Why is it red? Why does she bleed red like sinners, Viv? WHY DOES SHE BLEED RED, VIV?
Because here’s the only thing I can think of: that means one, she DOES have a soul (an immortal soul, like Adam says, mechanic not metaphor), because two, she might be something close to half-human, or at least half-sinner, or half-whatever the actual hell Lilith is. This makes her powerful, but also incredibly vulnerable, just the same as sinners are with their souls. And it puts her more on their level; she isn’t some above-it-all royal that’s something entire Other from the sinners, she’s sort of partially one of them. (Not to say she doesn’t still have her royal privilege and so forth and et cetera let’s move on.)
Alright Vaggie hiding away her wings is kinda worth it for the badass blink-and-you-miss-it tearing open of the back of her battle uniform to let them out. And, uh, can we give Jessica Vosk ALL the credit for that absolutely unhinged Lute scream as she TEARS HER OWN ARM OFF??
(Also, to the legend who wrote the Lute’s Arm/Vaggie’s Eye fanfic: I didn’t read it but I think of you often.)
But: Lute and Vaggie setting up to be tragic narrative foils, most likely complete with Lute spiraling as she completely loses any sense of self or direction while her world crumbles around her and Vaggie going from suspicious to pitying. When the truth about how fucked up the Exorcist legion is comes out, I’m sure there’s going to be signs about how they were both hurt pretty deeply by being a part of it but handled it differently, Vaggie by being lucky enough to find a support group after she was kicked out and Lute struggling with carrying on the legacy alone. Also, calling it now, if Emily doesn’t Fall, then Lute is definitely gonna try to kill her at least once. Anyway. That’s probably super endgame stuff.
LUCIFER, DEUS EX MACHINA! Or. Uh. Diaboli ex machina? Eh who cares LOOK AT HIM GO. It’s such a fun fight, watching him zing around Adam and shapeshift and be all creative and zany. Right up until it matters—and then he’s all business. Fiery, deadly business. Also how did he get his voice to do that (the “you’re in my house now, bitch” part, not the “go home” part). But it’s such an important moment for witnessing that dreamer that Heaven cast out, the creative powerhouse that just wanted to make something nice, something meaningful. Adam can’t fight him because Lucifer isn’t really fighting. He’s playing. Right up until Adam threatens Charlie again. She’s the only thing worth fighting for to him, after all.
So very interesting to me too that when Lucifer is in his demon aspect, the snake on his hat becomes a halo. (Also, unlike the other Sins, he doesn’t get any taller. Bless him.)
Now. Let’s address the elephant—or, rather, the very small cyclops—in the room. Niffty killing Adam. It’s certainly a twist. It’s the biggest, weirdest twist I’ve ever seen. It kind of doesn’t make any narrative sense. It boggles the brain that Niffty, the littlest demon in the group, the bit side character, gets to kill Adam, the big bad of the season. But in a way…that’s kind of perfect? It DOESN’T make any narrative sense. LIFE doesn’t make narrative sense. Not everything is going to fit into a perfect metaphor. Although, if I tried…Niffty took out the biggest cockroach of all :P Alright I’ll be honest I don’t know. I’d love to read other people’s thoughts on why it happened like this. Because it’s not like I don’t enjoy it as a narrative choice, it’s just so jarring and my English major brain hasn’t made it make sense yet.
Such an unexpectedly tender character moment to have Adam’s dying smile be for Lute, though. Yeah, she’s gonna be REAL hecked up next season. And not because she’s way more homicidal than Adam somehow.
(Also, back to my blood color theory: cannibals bleed red. They’re sinners. Stop the debates, it’s canon and I can prove it now. Kinda. Still got the whole. Charlie bleeding red thing throwing a wrench into my everything.)
And we see some of the littler pieces to finish off a lot of my theories—the Vees’ ultimate plan to seize control of Hell going off pretty well despite the Hotel surviving (not that it mattered to them either way, the plan was to throw the other Overlords off their game and take their stuff, not mess with the Hotel at all); Husk and Niffty going about their days but looking surprised with the rest of the group when Alastor shows back up (and still uncertain if they knew he was alive or dead and if they even would know if he died tbh). But let’s take one last little peep at Alastor before I close the book on him for now.
Y’know. They really do make it unclear if it’s Alastor Altruist, or Alastor, altruist.
But more than that, it’s the first time he acknowledges his deal and the fact that his powers are limited—which is why he might use non-soul deals with others anyway, to get around his soul deal constraints. And if he’s LIMITED and he went to bat against Adam and held his own pretty well, maybe I need to rethink my own assessment of his strength and how he’s leashed (unless, of course, the theories are right and it’s a deal with Lilith keeping him constrained from using his powers except in her service, so he really was at maximum potential in that fight and just isn’t strong enough yet). But he’s confident (as he always is) that once he’s out of his deal, he’ll be where he wants to be, pulling strings and manipulating fates and probably strong enough to replace Lucifer (and wouldn’t it be twisty if Alastor used his favor with Charlie to let him kill and replace her father as King of Hell? Wild. Anyway—). But until then, he’s showing back up at the hotel after it’s been rebuilt, sans staff, and while fanon has latched onto the idea of his wound containing angelic essence that’s slowly killing him…I’m not so sure if canon is going to go that route, but his missing staff is probably way more significant than the wound, and I’m curious about that.
Now forget about these losers, let’s go check out the last two scenes and put proper bows on my last two theories.
First: Pentious, redeemed, showing up before the Seraphim and NOT at the heavenly gates. Convenient for keeping something this reality-shaking a secret! I still don’t know that I’m fully convinced that Sir Pentious is truly the first sinner to be redeemed; I still kinda think he’s just the first one that Sera and Emily noticed, but I’m looking forward to exploring that mystery more next season. Maybe with Molly as an actual character this time? The folks who keep drawing and writing about Molly and Pentious being friends, you’re legends, keep doing that; it will sustain me if I am disappointed.
Second: Lute and Lilith on a beach in Heaven, presumably. Alright, wording: “Adam is dead. Your deal is done, and I’m in charge now.” There is. So much to unpack in that. Starting with “Your deal is done.” Lilith…made a deal…with Adam? Adam made a deal with Lilith? Or Lilith made a deal with someone else, like the Seraphim, and Adam happened to be a condition? The most likely explanation is that Lilith made a deal with Adam, but for what and why remains to be seen. It sure looks like Lilith made a deal with her ex-husband to relax in Heaven and let Hell rot, but things really aren’t as they seem in this show; appearances are constantly deceiving. I’ve heard the popular theory that Lilith and Eve share a body (very, very weird implications if so), and it’s shown in some family portraits that Lilith can banish her horns just like Lucifer can his wings (or Charlie her horns, for that matter), but not showing Lilith’s eyes, keeping her shrouded in mystery—is that to conceal her identity as swapping between herself and Eve, is it just to build mystery about Lilith herself (who again is NEVER HECKING MENTIONED EXCEPT BY CHARLIE AND ADAM), is it for lolz? What the heck could Lilith and Adam have possibly traded for, anyway? Letting Lilith crash in Heaven in exchange for…what? The Exterminations have surely been going on for longer than seven years. Lilith could be imprisoned, but Lute’s behavior and language doesn’t convey that at all. Like, AT ALL.
Additional question: does Lute even have the power to take Adam’s place? Or will she get the power as she assumes command?
Anyway, moving forward in this scene, Lute later says “Your brat is threatening the very foundation of Heaven.” Interesting, showing that Lute is just as fearful of a Hellish uprising as Sera is and what that means for the safety of Heaven and the souls they’re protecting. “And if you want to stay here” And if you want to stay here. IF YOU WANT TO STAY HERE. Lilith is definitely there because she wants to be. Or at least Lute believes she wants to be. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if both Lilith and Lucifer are exhausted with their existences, but it is such a contradictory thing, for Charlie to believe so wholeheartedly that her mother is off doing something important, that she loved Hell and cared about its denizens, only to show Lilith on a beach needing to be threatened with leaving it to get up and deal with Charlie. But, then, Charlie also believed her father didn’t want to see her and didn’t really care about her. It’s possible that Charlie is wrong about her mother. But we have so few clues and it’s easy to assume the worst when this is how Lilith is truly introduced.
One thing I keep noticing and keep forgetting to go back and check for: Lilith’s necklace. There really aren’t very many details that don’t have some sort of thought put into them, and her necklace while laying out on a beach is…eye-catching, at least to me. It’s simple, but I just wonder if it’s present in any of the portraits, because I keep forgetting to check for it. Maybe if I write it down, I’ll remember to keep an eye out next time.
I’m sure that there are theories and threads that I didn’t finish, because I have word-vomited something like 24,000 words of theories and reactions and maddened questions; now that I have it all out of my system, maybe I’ll make organized, reasonable posts where the theories are actually separated and presented as cohesive wholes rather than themes carrying across episodes. But I have to get through my Helluva Boss analyses first!
Thanks so much for sticking around and sticking it out, and if any of this made sense, then I’m glad! Later!
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High Tide
An Alternate Version of Riptide
-x-
This is part two of my two-year writing anniversary celebration.
Riptide was my first ever attempt at full-blown angst, and boy did I go for it. Over the last two years the one thing people have repeatedly asked me for is a version where they get a happy ending. So here we are.
Special shout out to Lina who let me read Riptide to her over Facetime recently..it was a journey haha
(If you have never read Riptide before please note the warnings/tags. It features Major Character Death among other triggers)
I hope you enjoy all enjoy this <3
-x-
Words: 4k
Warnings: Canon typical violence/injury shooting/gun violence, hospitalisation
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut
Emily is barely in the house when her cell phone starts ringing. The sound is loud in the seemingly empty house, and it makes her already pounding head ache.
She groans as she drops her bag onto the floor and she grabs the phone out of her pocket. For a moment she’s grateful it isn’t JJ ringing, not sure she could take another case so soon, but then she frowns at the withheld number.
“Hello?” She says as she answers it, making her way further into her home as she does. She looks around, surprised to see Aaron isn’t home yet.
“Am I speaking to Emily Prentiss?”
“Yes…” she says, coming to a standstill, the unmistakable sound of a busy hospital in the background. Her throat goes dry and she swallows thickly, “Who’s calling?”
“My name is Sally, I’m calling from George Washington hospital. It’s about your fiancée, Aaron Hotchner.”
She drops to the couch, scrambling for the tv remote as the nurse fills her in. She gives her a rushed description of a shooting at the pharmacy where Aaron had gone to pick up her medication. She listens carefully, her brain only taking note of the important details, like where he was, and the fact he was somehow still alive but in surgery, as she sees the CVS on the news on TV.
She calls JJ, and she doesn’t remember much else after that. ___
She’s staring at the floor. Counting the tiles in the waiting room over and over again so she could do something other than think about a life without him, or the grim look on the doctor’s face when they provided her with an update on Aaron’s surgery.
“Em?”
She looks up, her hands tightly clasped in her lap as JJ holds a cup of coffee up to her, one in her other hand for herself. Emily flashes her a quick, grateful, smile before she takes the coffee being offered to her, holding it between her hands. It’s almost a little too hot, but it’s grounding, something she can feel other than the overwhelming fear she’s trying to choke down. Worried that if she acknowledged it, if she allowed herself to fully feel it, it would be like admitting she had already lost him.
“I can’t promise it’s good coffee,” JJ says, sitting back down next to her, “But it’s hot, and I put extra Splenda in it for you, for the shock.”
“Thanks,” Emily replies, making no move to drink the coffee, her eyes fixed back on the floor.
“Em-”
“Don’t,” says, her voice stronger than before, and she looks at her friend, doesn’t miss, or particularly care about, the hurt that flits across her face, “Don’t tell me everything will be ok. We don’t know that,” she shakes her head, “It’s absurd if you think about it.”
“What is?” JJ asks, as patient as ever. Well aware that Emily’s frustration was nothing to do with her, but a coping mechanism to deal with what was happening.
“He’s done all kinds of dangerous shit throughout his life. Look what he did for a living for fuck sake. And not one, but two serial killers became obsessed with him and tried to kill him. And he gets shot and almost dies, and could still die, going to the fucking pharmacy,” she chokes out, her words shuddering around a sob she wouldn’t let loose, “It’s fucking absurd.” She closes her eyes tightly, fighting off the tears she knows are inevitable, that have been threatening to fall since she found out. “I can’t lose him JJ.”
JJ doesn’t say anything, and they both know it’s because there is nothing she can say. She simply reaches out for her hand, lifting it to link their fingers. It reminds Emily of a moment from what felt like a lifetime ago when Penelope had been shot.
Two moments in time crashing into each other and merging, like waves on the high sea.
___
His hand is cold.
It’s normal, according to the nurse, Louise, who she’d asked twice, because of the amount of blood he’d lost. She wants to scream that it isn’t normal, not for him, that his hands were always warm. That the simple press of his palm into her lower back was enough to warm her entire body, the closest thing to home she’d ever known. She keeps his hand in hers, hoping her skin can warm his up.
Her focus is on the rhythmic beeping of the machine showing that his heart was still beating, her eyes closed as listens. Taking some comfort in the steady beat despite the way it makes her headache worse, her sinus infection battling with her torrent emotions to see what would be victorious in making her snap.
She has no idea how much time passes, minutes and hours blurring into one as she sits there, frozen in place until he wakes up. She runs her thumb back and forth over his wrist, his pulse reassuring, something she would know the feel of anywhere. As familiar to her as his smile, his love.
“I’ve lived without you before,” she says out loud, the words escaping before she realises she’s going to speak, “And…I have no interest in going back to that, in living in a world that you don’t exist in,” she clears her throat, her vision going blurry as tears gather at her lashline but don’t fall. “So I need you to be ok.”
There’s a knock at the door, and the nurse, Louise, walks in, a plastic bag in her hands.
“I just need to do some checkups,” she explains, and Emily forces a tight smile, standing up so she is no longer in the way. She immediately finds herself playing with her engagement ring, twisting it around her finger. Louise walks up to her and passes her the bag, “These are some of his belongings,” she says as Emily takes the bag, “In all of the chaos earlier they were mixed up with someone else's.”
“Thanks,” Emily says, walking over to the small loveseat in the corner of Aaron’s room, taking a seat to busy herself with going through the bag. A lacklustre attempt to distract herself from watching Louise take Aaron’s stats, her skills as a profiler enough for her to immediately recognise if things were good or not.
She grabs his wallet first, her thumb rubbing against the soft leather, a gift she’d bought him last Christmas. His old one had been worn out, almost falling to pieces, and it was only when he opened his new one, a smile on his face as he spotted the monogram on the front, that he admitted Haley had bought him his last one.
They still had it, safely stored in the desk in their shared home office.
She puts the wallet to one side and frowns as she pulls bags of candy out next. She freezes at the sight of the orange bottle in the bottom of the bag before she reaches in to grab it. She can’t ignore the shake of her hand as she holds it, the white label that bore her name and prescription stained dark red.
Blood she knew was his dried over their address.
___
The pain was familiar. Greeting him like an old friend as he wakes up, his breath seizing in his chest as it briefly overwhelms him, all of his senses returning at once.
The first thing that makes it through the fog, the haze of the pain, is her.
“You’re ok, sweetheart,” Emily says, her hand squeezing his tightly, “You’re ok.”
Aaron opens his eyes, the lights bright in his hospital room, and it takes a moment for his eyes to adjust.
“Em?”
“I’m right here,” she leans over so he can see her, reaching past him to press the call button for the nurse.
He tries to squeeze her hand, but can’t control his limbs quite yet, his whole body aching and heavy. She notices, because she never missed anything when it came to him, and she smiles at him. She leans down to kiss his forehead and then rests hers against it, her eyes screwed closed as she feels his breath skip across her face.
“I love you,” she says, the words rushed, almost merging into one, saying them in a panic because she was worried he’d never hear her say them again.
“Love you too,” he replies, his voice breathless, and weak, but it makes her smile anyway, “what…what happened?”
“You were shot,” she says, the words tasting bitter. It was only the second time she’d said it, the first having been to JJ on the phone. She hears the door open, an indicator they are no longer alone, and she sees that he’s tired. Bound to fall back asleep within the next few minutes, “But you’re ok. We’ll talk about everything later.”
“Ah Mr Hotchner, it’s lovely to see you awake,” Louise says as she approaches, “Your fiancée was very worried about you.”
Emily smiles at her before stepping back to allow room for Louise to check on Aaron.
She keeps her hand tight around his, not wanting to lose the connection for even a moment.
___
“Are you ok?”
The question surprises her, partially because she wasn’t aware he was awake, but mostly because it seems absurd. Ridiculous that he’s asking how she is when he’s been stitched back together this evening, his breathing laboured from where a bullet had skipped through his chest. The damage left in its wake enough to have killed him.
She looks up from where her gaze had been focused on their joint hands, and the concern in his eyes makes her ache.
“I’m as ok as I can be,” she replies, squeezing his hand.
“No,” he says, blinking as he tries to clear his vision, the pain and the medication making him slower than usual, “I mean, have you taken your antibiotics? For your sinus infection.”
For a reason she can’t explain, that’s what breaks her. His gentle attempt to make sure she’d taken the medication he almost died getting for her enough to make the tears she’d been holding back for hours escape. Burning twin tracks down her skin in a way she’s sure will leave permanent marks behind.
“Yes,” she chokes out, a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh catching in her chest, “I took the fucking antibiotics.”
He wants to reach out for her, pull her into his arms and comfort her, but he can’t. Even the simple act of shifting in his bed was enough to make pain snap throughout his body. Instead, he grips her hand as tight as he can, and he tries to smile at her.
“Good,” he says, wanting nothing more than to make her smile, “otherwise I got shot for nothing.”
It takes a second for his words to register, and her mouth falls open in outrage, her cheeks warm with something other than her tears.
“Aaron.”
“What? Too soon?”
She shakes her head at him, any desire to shout at him gone as soon as it had appears. She stands up and sits on the edge of his bed, careful not to hurt him, and she leans in. She pushes his hair from his forehead, and can’t help but smile at the slightly glazed look in his eyes, the medication he’d been given doing its job.
He’s looking at her in the same way he did when he had been drinking. She’d never seen him drunk, but when he was tipsy he was handsy, and he’d look at her like she’d hung the stars herself. It was as if the alcohol, and in this case the pain medication, took away any control he had on expressing how he felt about her. His love for her clear for everyone to see.
“I think it might always be too soon for this one, honey,” she replies, leaning down and kissing him, the cannula delivering him oxygen scratching at her skin.
He smiles apologetically at her, and furrows his brow, “What time is it?”
She pulls back to look at her watch, sighing as she does so.
“3 am,” she replies, “I shouldn’t even be here, but the nurse let me stay,” he raises an eyebrow at her and she clears her throat, avoiding his gaze, “I may have made it clear what I do for a living.”
He laughs and it hurts, his hand pressing into his chest as he catches his breath. She apologises, and he shakes his head at her, his grip on her hand tight as the wave of pain washes over him, ebbing away bit by bit.
“3 am?” He asks when he can talk again, and she nods. “Happy Birthday, sweetheart.”
She chokes out a laugh, resting her forehead against his. It occurs to her again that she could have lost him, that her birthday would have been her first full day without him, and the tears start again. Falling from her cheeks to his.
“Yeah,” she sniffs, her chin trembling with the force of her emotions, “Happy Birthday to me.”
___
Aaron groans as he gets to the top of the stairs, pausing as he leans against the wall to catch his breath. It was frustrating, his recovery slower than he remembered it being when he was attached by Foyet. Emily kept reminding him that it had only been three weeks since he’d been shot, and she’d smile when she pointed out that he was older now, that these things took more time.
He sees the light streaming out from under the door to the spare room, and he walks towards it, seeking her out so he could order their dinner. He pushes the door open and finds her standing in front of the closet in there, mostly used to store her vast number of coats, staring at a white dress hanging on the front of it. He registers what he’s looking at and turns around.
“Shit, Em, sorry,” he says, aware that from the start the one tradition she had wanted to keep was him not seeing her dress before they got married, “I didn’t realise what you were doing in here.”
“It’s ok, Aaron,” she replies, and he turns back to look at her, his gaze fixed solely on her face, “I think we’ve had our share of bad luck.”
He searches her face for a sign she’s lying, that she’s just saying it to make him feel better. That this wasn’t another thing he’d taken from her, but he sees nothing but her smile, a small sparkle in her eyes that never failed to draw him in. He walks over and wraps his arms around her, wincing slightly at the pull at his chest, before he kisses her. Stamping his lips against hers twice before he pulls back and looks at the dress in front of them.
“It’s beautiful,” he says, kissing her hairline, “You’ll look incredible in it.”
She hums, her arms wrapping around his waist as she rests her head on his shoulder, “Just not today.”
“No,” he replies, holding her a little tighter, pushing past the pain that thrums through his abdomen, “Not today.”
It was something they’d decided when he was still in the hospital. Postponing the wedding was the only sensible choice, and they both knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier.
Especially on the day that was supposed to be their wedding day.
“I’m sorry,” he says, shifting so he can look at her, “I know how much it meant to you.”
She frowns and pulls away, “Aaron, you mean a lot to me. Not some day we randomly chose, or a dress. You. If you’d…” she swallows thickly, “If you’d died…I’d be standing here alone,” she tries to smile at him but it shakes, and he cups her cheek. The warmth of his skin against hers was enough to make her heart stutter in her chest. “Plus, I need you on top form for our wedding night,” she says, her smile widening, “So you can be winded for another reason than just walking up the stairs.”
He shakes his head at her, joining in on her laughter, and he leans in to kiss her. They stand there as they both lose track of time, but not each other.
___
They get married on New Year's Day, just the two of them and Jack at the courthouse. It was perfect, and Emily can’t picture it happening in any other way.
She doesn’t wear the dress, opting for something simpler instead.
___
The knock on the door almost as soon as she gets home surprises her. She checks her watch as she wonders where Aaron is, knowing he should have made it home just before her. Her sinuses felt like they were about to burst and she wanted to get started on the antibiotics as soon as she could.
She opens the door to see who police officers stood on her porch. “Hi, we’re here to speak to Ms Emily Prentiss?”
Emily’s throat goes dry. “That’s me.” She makes no move to let them in. “How can I help?”
“I think it’s best we come in ma’am, and that you sit down.” The female officer says, a smile on her face that seemed fake.
Emily nods and lets them past her, closing the door behind them. She doesn’t sit, instead she crosses her arms across her chest and clears her throat. “What’s going on?”
“Ma’am-”
“Please.” She says, fear she doesn’t fully understand filling her chest. “Just tell me.”
The officers exchange a look before the male one looks back at her. “We believe Aaron Hotchner lives here?”
“Yes, he does.” She stutters out. “He’s my fiancée.”
“I’m sorry to inform you ma’am that he was killed earlier this evening in an attempted robbery of the CVS on Columbia Pike,”
___
She shoots up in bed, gasping to pull air into her lungs, misplaced grief stuffed into them instead.
“Em?”
She jumps at the feel of a hand on her shoulder, and she turns to look at him, placing her hand over his, her fingers digging into his skin.
“Aaron?”
“Yes, sweetheart,” he says, his other hand reaching out for her thigh, gently squeezing against her skin, “It’s me. I’m here.” She launches herself at him, her arms tight around him as she does her best to all but crawl under his skin, her hands forming fists in his t-shirt, “You’re ok, baby, you’re ok.”
His words are muffled against the top of her head, his lips against her hairline, and she feels herself relax, the edges of her nightmare fading away as reality washes over her.
She hadn’t lost him. He was right here.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, pulling back to look at him.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he says, reaching out and cupping her cheek, the metal of his wedding ring cool against her skin as he wipes away her tears. “The pharmacy?” She nods, confirming what he already knew. It had been a pattern ever since he’d come home from the hospital, all the months that had passed since doing nothing to stop her subconscious from torturing her with what could have been. “Come here.”
She lets herself be pulled into his arms as he lays them back down, and she ends up practically laying on top of him, the feel of his embrace providing her with the same comfort it always did.
“I love you,” she says, as she always did when she woke up from one of these nightmares, aware of the fact she came close to never being able to say it to him again.
Aaron kisses the top of her head and runs his fingers through her hair, attempting to lull her to sleep.
“I love you too,” he replies, “You know what I’ve been thinking?” He asks, and she hums in response, her hand reaching for his so she can play with his wedding ring, twirling it around his finger to remind herself that she’d put it there. That she’d had the chance. “It’s about time we went on that honeymoon.”
___
She’d grumbled about it. Half-heartedly complaining about the honeymoon she said they were both too old for, but she can’t deny that she needs this. A break from home, from work. From the trial, which was now only weeks away, that would hopefully send the man who could have taken Aaron from her to prison.
She closes her eyes and blows out a breath, shaking her head an in attempt to get rid of those thoughts, of the memory of what she could have lost almost 8 months ago. She opens her eye again and takes in the view in front of her, once again getting lost in it.
She had no idea just how much he’d paid for this, but they had a view of the Eiffel Tower from their hotel room, and she had spent most of the time since they’d arrived that morning standing on the balcony looking at it.
Aaron had given her so much. Not just love she hadn’t thought was possible in real life, or the sense of home she’d always been searching for. But he’d given her this. He’d made her love Paris again, something she had spent close to a decade now thinking was impossible.
She hears the balcony door slide open and she smiles as he joins her wrapping his arms around her from behind, pulling her back into his embrace. Emily leans against his back and smiles as he presses a kiss to the side of her head.
“Aren’t you glad I convinced you to do this?” He murmurs against her skin. He tangles their left hands together, their wedding rings hitting each other with the motion.
She tilts her head to look at him, and is unable to stop herself from kissing him, placing a hand on his cheek to keep him in place. She pulls back so their noses touch. “I’ll admit a honeymoon wasn’t the worst idea in the world.”
He kisses her again, smiling too widely against her lips for it to be more than a brush against her. “Where are you taking me first, tour guide?”
___
Guilty.
The word kept echoing around her head. She was no stranger to a courtroom, and she had given evidence at more trials than she could count, but this was different. She’d spent the whole trial sitting in the gallery along with the other victims or their relatives, listening to the details of the day that almost changed everything.
She’d watched the CCTV footage of the incident, of Aaron and other people getting shot, and it had almost been too much, her grip on her husband’s hand getting tighter as the days went on.
Guilty.
It was over.
“Em, you ok?”
She looks up to see Aaron standing in front of her, his hands on his hips. He was wearing a suit and a serious expression on his face, and for a moment it was like it’s almost 20 years ago and she was meeting him for the first time. She smiles at him and nods, and he joins her on the bench she’s sitting on, his arm around her shoulders.
“Are you ok?” She asks as she leans into him.
“I’m glad it’s over,” he replies, and she knows it’s all she’ll get for now.
“Me too,” she says, and she tilts her head to look up at him, smiling as she does so, “What do we do now?”
Aaron smiles and leans down to kiss her, his love and adoration washing over her before he pulls back, a soft smile on his face.
“Whatever we want.”
___
“Love was like the waves in the sea, gentle and good sometimes, rough and terrible at others, but that it was endless and stronger than the sky and earth and everything in between.” - Veronica Rossi
-x-
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10 films i love
ty for the tag, @aerogadyne !!!!
Promare. so not to be cringe and make this my number one, but i just. absolutely adore everything about promare: it's funny, the art style is really fun, JYB and Billie Kametz (rest in peace) are there. i think the way it makes very clear, and remains quite adamant, that it is a visual story first and foremost is really fun. I LOVE the opening section, i actually think from a storytelling perspective it's so fascinatingly well done. you can see how it was inspired by the F&F series, how sure, there's a ton of pyrotechnics and shit that's there just to look cool, but there is a genuine heart underneath it that's really sweet and propels the story every single time i watch it. galo and lio are also just. such great protagonists. i adore them both so so much, great watch, 10/10
Everything, Everywhere, All At Once. One of my favorite live action films, this movie really speaks to me. I adore multiverse travel and I've toyed around with the idea of being able to exist in many universes all at once for a story, but I honestly wasn't sure it could be done. Seeing it done on screen so beautifully, so masterfully, and so coherently was just. Mwah. the symbolism was beautiful, the characters were so funny, and the tale of intergenerational wounds (what we inflict on our children is often a different version of what was inflicted on us) is poignant and thoughtfully portrayed and just. yeah. from what i understand, michelle yeoh really took this film over the top with her performance and notes to the directors, and i love how collaborative the space was. here's hoping it gets the recognition it deserves.
Looper. This movie fucks. this movie is everything i want in a sci-fi thriller, because it has so much soul. the way the movie really puts to task the idea of the masculine hero. there's a scene in this movie that just lives with me forever, because it's a scene that feels like it would belong in a gritty realistic action film, and yet it is so so sad. there's no cool music, there isn't a good reason for what happens other than it's procedure, and it physically hurts to watch. on top of that emily blunt is there and i am in love with her.
Knives Out/Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery. i'm putting them together not because they're the same film but because they scratch an itch of fun storytelling within a tried and true genre. i am so compelled by stories that have such eye for detail, and i've always been particularly interested in mystery stories. i also am obsessed with the camera technique they used for Knives Out. it's beautiful and i love it so so much.
The Truman Show. also a really really cool movie, i'm obsessed with the way this semi-predicted the sensationalization of people's lives, and the parasocial relationships we now have with people we feel like we "know". moreover, i rly rly like the commentary on art and the idea of caricaturing the self and how that ultimately makes the world around you a caricature, too.
The Adjustment Bureau. one of the first movies i ever really really loved, because i was super obsessed with the idea of trying to go against forces larger than you to be with the person you love (for some strange reason. who knows what that could be. 🌈) i got so interested in how this movie worked, i watched it over and over for years, until i could quote it by rote, and then i read the screenplay because i was desperate to know how it worked. i wouldn't say this is the best movie in the world; far from it. it has this beautiful, interesting premise, but it doesn't take any risks: david and elise are a straight cis white couple with no real barriers other than unforeseen hands saying that they can't. i think there's so much potential here, though, and it's the thing that i was so interested in for so so so long.
Your Name (Kimi no Namae Wa). not to be basic but this movie made me cry a lot. i'm such a sucker for body swap shenanigans in general, on top of time travel, but i rly rly rly liked the idea of two people connecting in spite of space and time and everything to do their damndest to save each other and everyone they loved. just because they cared. i always found that to be so powerful and meaningful.
The Invitation. this is a movie i have mixed feelings about because it was an interesting film and had a lot of really lovely motifs regarding grief, but it was also a film i watched with someone who is no longer in my life. but the music in it is really melancholic and beautiful, and i rly do think it's such a massively good take on how grief is powerful to eat up not just you, but everyone around you, too.
Gone Girl. brooooo this movie was so so so good, i loved it so much, although the first time i saw it i was not a fan because i was sixteen and i had to watch the cunnilingus scene with my dad right next to me. but the second time i watched it i was alone and also 22 and so it was rly good. i just love the bait and switch. i love the evil woman. i love everything about it. fantastic.
probably does not count but the Sense8 movie was bananas and cool and beautiful and i am so sad that show did not get the five seasons it deserved, it was a really, REALLY good idea. it fucked some stuff up, but this show was so queer and unapologetic about it, and i enjoyed just how much of the show was driven by love. i rly rly did.
anyways sorry this is long and full of my rambles, but even doing this list has put into perspective just how much of the same stuff i like LOL. anywho!!! i figure i'll tag... @caffernnn, @suhmayzooka, @relationshipcrimes, @futuresoon, @kavehandtea, @honeydots, @cawfka, @floodedlungs and anyone else who might be interested!! have fun, i want to see your favorite movies if you're up for sharing <3
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orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?
I would probably say "where are they now" by emily jeffri, I like the spooky feeling I get when listening to it and it doesn't even have much lyrics
cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?
can't pinpoint anything specific but I always end up learning something new whenever I research something for my ocs or my danganronpa fanfic
bamboo ⇢ do you change into a different outfit when you get home?
I always do
abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?
I actually don't wear any jewelry. Rings, bracelets or necklaces are always itchy to wear despite looking pretty fancy
daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?
yes I have two younger sisters, one 3 years younger and the other one 6 years younger. I would say we are all similar when it comes to our ways of thinking and a lot of people tell me that either of them look similar to me. Our differences are our hobbies as they are more sporty while I'm artistic and they aren't exactly the type to be into games or anime overall. Their fashion styles are also different from mine
mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?
My main source of inspiration is whenever I listen to a song that I think fits well to my ocs or a character. I also let other people's art or aesthetic posts inspire me. Pinterest is like a goldmine of inspiration to me and I often create moodboards for my drawing before I draw it
chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?
Akina and her 100 siblings with @t3tch0
sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?
Can I answer all of them? I can't pick just one because my opinions tends to swing. Most often it's paintings though because I myself am painting (digitally)
edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?
I like my username. Story behind is that when I created it (zetsubo_bani in this case) I wanted something that was a reference to danganronpa (since that was my main fandom at the time) so I chose zetsubo (japanese for despair which is the whole theme of that show) and bani is in reference to the word bunny because I thought it was cute. The one on this account (zetsubobu) was created after I tried creating an email and zetsubo_bani was already taken so I took one of the suggestions it gave me as an alternative and somehow I liked that one more than the previous one
camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?
not at all tbh, I've always been obsessing over my favorite shows from a very young age. Back then it was ninjago (still is) and harry potter. Now it's black butler, ninjago and moriarty the patriot
jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?
hmm I can't think of anything right now. I used to love yandere simulator before I found out about the creepy dev
ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?
honestly I don't know. I'm autistic and unless I'm excited or really annoyed about something, a lot of people say they can't tell how I'm feeling as I look pretty neutral most of the time
chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?
art of my characters or anything related to my favorite shows/characters is like the best gift you could give me. I will be so happy
aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?
I really want to go visit certain theatre performances and meet some of my online friends! Also go to an art con
palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?
harumi from ninjago haha. I just love her, both the design and personality. In my opinion the smartest villain this show ever had
nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?
I don't think I have a specific theme but my room is in a nice lavender + white color. My furniture is also in that color. I also have a wall in which I hang all the fanart of my ocs that I have received!
papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?
I don't know honestly
taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?
whatever happend in the fandom I'm in or show I liked. My life is honestly pretty boring but I like it as I rarely have any problems or trouble. Maybe about school once I start college in march but I often don't have topics to talk about
﹟random get-to-know-me ask game !!
orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?
cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?
bamboo ⇢ do you change into a different outfit when you get home?
abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?
daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?
mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?
chia ⇢ what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?
sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?
edelweiss ⇢ how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?
camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?
jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?
ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?
chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?
aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?
palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?
nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?
papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?
taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?
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Corpse’s Girl
Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)
Warnings: Bullying, Swearing, Derogatory Terms
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Summary: Y/N’s life as a regular college student is forever stripped away from her when her relationship with the famous YouTuber Corpse Husband is accidentally revealed during an online class of hers. How will she cope with the sudden spotlight and the unwanted attention, some of which crosses into bullying?
Requested by my amazing Tumblr friend @itsminniekat 🥰 She’s been reading and liking my works since day one and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. If you’re reading this, all I can say is thank you, darling. Thank you so much for sticking by my blog even when I posted some crappy fics. I’ll make sure this ain’t one of them. Love you with all my heart. ❤❤❤
P.S. - I named the mean character with my name so I hope no one who reads this has the same name. Wouldn’t want any of you feeling like the villain 😘
Who knew online class would be even more boring than being physically present for a lecture? Seriously, I find myself doing the weirdest of crap to entertain myself - like trying to balance a pen on the tip of my nose for example. I jot down some notes every now and then but that’s basically it. My mind can not fathom the concept on concentrating on whatever my professors are going on and on about. Well, full disclosure, I couldn’t concentrate even if I wanted to, especially with my boyfriend streaming in the other room.
He’s currently playing Among Us with his usual gaming squad. Listening to his input during the discussions, I can always tell when he’s lying. I honestly find it hilarious that his friends can’t pick up when he’s bullshitting them. I sometimes wonder if he has brainwashed them. And that’s one of the main reasons we don’t play Among Us together - he can’t lie to me. Not only do I pick up on his con with ease, but he always says he feels bad when he lies to me which is just the sweetest thing. Also, I refuse to play cause I’m shy. His friends are all well-known content creators and I’m a literal nobody. Every now and then I find myself wondering why Corpse is even with me. He’s always quick to push those thoughts out of my head and make sure they don’t return on a long notice, but they do interrupt my peace from time to time.
“Y/N, do you know?“ The sound of my professor saying my name takes me out of my eavesdropping of Corpse’s stream.
I panic, but quickly improvise, “Sorry, my internet is slow, you cut out for a second. What was the question?” I feel my face heating up, making me glad we are allowed to keep our cameras off.
“Question number 15 on page 82 in your textbook. Do you know the answer to it?“ My professor repeats himself, his tone annoyed.
I look down at the page that’s already opened in front of me. I let out a sigh of relief, seeing that the question is rather easy.
“Yeah, um, it’s...“ Suddenly, Corpse’s laugh reaches my room loud and clear. There’s no doubt my mic picked up the noise, especially since the door to my room is open.
The color drains from my face as I hurry to say the answer and remute myself. My eyes are wide as I stare at my screen, hoping no one will acknowledge that very recognizable laugh.
“OMG Y/N, are you watching a Corpse Husband stream in class?” One of the bitches in my class, Vy, speaks up, “Not a very goody-two-shoe move on your part, dear.”
I purposely unmute my mic to mumble a quick ‘Shut up, bitch’ that somehow manages to fly under my professor’s radar and the class continues. It’s the first time something like this has happened and I’m not sure if I handled it properly or not.
The class ends shortly after, allowing me a sigh of relief as I disconnect from the meeting.
“Fucking finally.“ I mumble to myself, leaning back in my desk chair. Tilting my head backwards, I see Corpse standing in the doorframe. I grin, not only because his presence itself makes me ten times happier, but also because he’s upside down from my viewpoint. “Well, hello there! How long have you been spying on me?“
He struts over to me, leaning his face over mine, “Long enough.” His lips linger above mine without any actual contact before he pulls away, allowing me to sit up straight and proper in the chair. “You still have classes?”
I nod my head while disappointedly rolling my eyes, “Yeah. One more. Shouldn’t be too bad since it’s English Lit. You’re done streaming?”
“Yeah, I just have some other things to do. I haven’t done a narration video in a while, I miss making that type of content.“ He plops down on my bed, running a hand through his messy black curls.
“Weren’t you recording some lines a few days ago?“ I frown as I try to recall if what I’m referring to actually happened or my brain is too fried to decipher reality from my bootleg perception of it. Online class, man - messes with your head like sleeping pills - makes you disoriented and exhausted with barely doing anything other than trying to wrap your brain around a lecture or two.
He hums affirmatively, “It’s not a finished project and I don’t even know if I’ll use those or rerecord them. I’ll have to listen to them again before I make a final decision.“
I tilt his chin upwards with my pointer finger, a gesture he has told me he finds very endearing, “I’m sure they’re great and you just refuse to be satisfied. Everything you do is great.“
He smiles a small, shy smile, his fingers gently wrapping around my wrist, holding my hand in place, “You’re biased. You like me too much to tell me when I do some bullshit.”
I scoff, “You know that isn’t true. If someone’s gonna kick your butt in formation, it’s gonna be me.“ I give him a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling away from him, “Go on, now. I have a class to attend. You distract me enough while you’re in the other room, I can only imagine how hard it’d be for me to focus if you were right by my side.“
He smirks, bowing a little as he makes his way out of the room, “You flatter me.”
I playfully roll my eyes, getting my headset back on as I tap the last class for the day. We have an assignment due to the start of the class which we’ll have to present if the professor approved of it. We basically had to write a psychoanalysis of a character from any book of our choice. I chose Heathcliff from ‘Wuthering Heights’ which is one of my favorite books of all time. I’m proud of what I wrote and the way I wrote it, but I’ve always barely scraped by with a B in this class, a B+ if I’m lucky, so I’ve never gotten any major credit, even when I put my 110% in the assignments and projects.
Well, color me surprised when the professor calls on me first to read my work, complimenting it on its detailed and specific nature. I get my printed assignment out in front of me and unmute myself.
“I wrote a psychoanalysis on for Heathcliff, a character from Emily Bronte’s novel ‘Wuthering Heights’.“ Just after I say this line, Corpse’s voice booms throughout the whole apartment, no doubt being picked up by my mic. It doesn’t sound like he’s actually talking, he can’t be that loud. I put two and two together when I recognize the lines he’s saying - the ones he recorded a few days ago. They’re coming from his computer speakers. He probably didn’t check the volume before playing back the recording.
I mute myself as quickly as possible, but it’s too late. The voice dies down as Corpse probably turned down the speakers.
My professor, who is already done with this lecture, just annoyedly remarks, her words overdosed with sarcasm: “Read your assignment and you can go back to whatever it is you are watching.”
“Wow, Y/N! Again?! Are you one of those crazy obsessed fans or something? Is Corpse Husband all you watch?“ This bitch is really poking a stick at me, huh? The only crazy obsessed fan here is her, and my friends but they are allowed. Little do all of them know, I am obsessed but not simply over a YouTuber. I’m obsessed with my boyfriend who just happens to be a YouTuber.
“No commentary, please.“ The professor scolds her, “Go on, Y/N.“
I finish reading without any other disturbances. The professor compliments my essay again when I’m done, the small incident at the beginning forgotten already. Well, not by everyone. One of my friends shot me a quick text to joke about it which only earned an eye roll from me.
My friends don’t know that I’m dating Corpse either. As I said, they are simping HARD over him while I act the most indifferent on the subject. Whenever they ask my opinion on him I either say ‘he’s OK’ or just avoid answering completely. I know saying anything more enthusiastic than that would turn into a snowball rolling down a snowy hill - I’d just keep babbling about how nice, amazing, wonderful and a gift to this world Corpse is, inevitably revealing our relationship in the process.
I’m afraid of revealing my relationship with Corpse in front of these people. They are all run on jealousy and selfishness and I can only imagine how mean they’d be about it. I’m already not too fond of them, it would only be worse if any of my personal life was exposed.
When the class finally ends I remove my headset, putting my forehead down on the desk, barely missing the keyboard. I groan in frustration and anger at myself for not fighting back. I could’ve and should’ve said something - ANYTHING. But what? That’s a question I can’t find the answer to.
“Hey...“ Corpse’s hesitant voice comes from behind me, “You ok?“
I straighten my posture, turning to him with a smile. “Yeah, but these people suck.”
I get up from my chair as he approaches me, basically falling in his arms. The comfort I feel radiating off of him makes me relax, forget the past hour or so. He has always had this effect on me. Like my own personal kryptonite to my anger and anxiety.
“Did I get you in any trouble because of that?“ His voice shows clear concern and guilt.
I wrap my arms around him tighter, burying my head in his chest. “No, don’t worry about it.“
And I really wasn’t in trouble. Not until now that the video is officially posted....
I can call these people dumb all I want but they sure put two and two together awfully fast. They recognized the lines they heard during class as the same ones from his new video that came out almost a week after the incident, aka two days ago. It’s safe to say I haven’t touched my phone or computer since.
“This is all my fault.“
Of all the horrible things I suspected would happen this has to be the worst - Corpse is blaming himself for it. I am prepared to take all the shit these people have to throw at me but seeing Corpse beating himself up over this is killing me. No amount of convincing can change his mind. Nothing I say helps.
“Please, stop doing this to yourself. Non of this is your fault, Corpse.“ I’ve repeated this sentence more than a thousand time these past forty eight hours, each time saying it more and more desperately.
“All of it is my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I hate myself so much.“ Has been his reply single time.
I can’t watch him be so mean to himself. It’s the most conflicting thing when the person you love most is torturing themselves. It’s easy if it’s someone else doing it, you just kick their ass. But what are you supposed to do when the person you want to protect is the same one you need to protect them from.
Corpse has shut himself away in his recording room these past few hours and though he clearly needs to be alone, he still left the door open just a crack cause he knows I’ll be worried sick otherwise.
While I’m alone in the living room, I’ve finally managed to brace myself and build enough courage to power up my laptop. Last time it was on it was going mad with notifications.
“It’s digital. Only digital. It can’t hurt you too badly if it can’t touch you, right?“ I mumble to myself, already frustrated despite not having yet seen all the horrors that await me.
And horrors there were. Everywhere. Twitter. Instagram. Facebook.
My grades. Some pictures of me no one has ever seen. My school files. People from my class tweeting Corpse to ‘expose’ me for the ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ I really am. Corpse hasn’t touched social media either and I plan on making sure it stays that way. God only knows how much worse he’ll get if he sees these claims.
And then, like a notification sent straight from hell, an email from my professor.
Practical lectures on Friday. Be here at 9 AM. Don’t forget your mask and gloves.
Good thing I opened my laptop when I did. Friday is tomorrow and I need to prepare for this day. Not only do I need to hit the books but I need to toughen up a bit. I can’t go there looking like I feel - like a mess.
Alright, time to put the brave face on. No more wallowing in it, at least not until tomorrow afternoon.
I make a study plan and hop in the shower. I feel the need to apologize to my hair for washing it so roughly, basically yanking at my strands from frustration that has been suppressed for too long.
I get our of the boiling hot shower, red as a lobster, and change into some clean comfortable clothes and put my ass in study mode. I remove all the scary expectations of the morning to come from my mind and let the information the textbooks has to offer seep into my brain.
* * *
I’m about to head out and, despite my put-together composure, I am a wreck inside. I actually put effort into my appearance, I mean - I even styled my hair. A pretty façade to hide a ruin.
I saw my friends’ texts last night, all three of them ending their friendship with me because they felt betrayed. I haven’t yet decided how to feel about that. Doesn’t matter at the moment, there are more important matters at hand, aka surviving the next three hours.
My college is within ten minutes walking distance from our apartment. That ten minute walk has never been so stressful, not even during exam season. The air feels a little harder to breathe, the path a little shorter to walk. And my moment of reckoning a little too close.
I feel eyes on me the second I start walking through the park of our campus. Sure, I could just be paranoid, but the feeling is too real to be just my imagination in overdrive. I’m glad I have my hair down and a mask on so the redness of my cheeks and neck isn’t on display. That’s a sign of weakness right now.
We have two an hour and a half long classes between which we have a snack break that’s half an hour. I usually enjoy that period but I’m dreading it now. These assholes can only be so mean in the presence of a professor, but during lunch break they can increase that tenfold.
“Well if it isn’t Corpse’s girl.“ I hear that a lot. The whispers are not so much whispers as intentionally loud enough for me to hear remarks. I’m not bothered by them, it’s the least they can do. If I let such a simple thing get to me, I’d be crumbling by the end of first period.
I hear some shuffling behind me and out of the corner of my eye I see, yeah you guessed it, THAT bitch. She’s standing as close to me as she can without violating Covid regulations. A mask is covering her face but the menacing look in her eyes tells me all I need to know about the interaction that’s about to go down.
“I’d ask how much he pays you for the hour.....“ her long nails tap the wooden desk, “but that’d be rude. I bet it’s tough being a maid. Do you just clean or are you a multipurpose lap dog? No offense, I’m genuinely curious.“
“Vy, would you be so kind as to give Y/N some room to breathe?“ The professor asks as he nonchalantly walks in.
Vy rolls her eyes, batting her eyelashes at me, “Talk to you later, sweetheart.” With a fake friendly wave she’s out of my hair, at least for now.
Remember what I said about these people not being as dumb as I pegged them to be? Yeah, scratch that. These fuckers actually tried getting away with taking pictures of me with flash in broad daylight. Like, HELLO! I have two functioning eyes and a brain, I’m onto you. Sadly, me having figured out their childish but hurtful methods of humiliating me doesn’t change much. They still posted the pics they took, using the most derogatory terms they could find in the English language, always making sure to tag Corpse and me both.
Needless to say, these were the longest three hours of my life.
* * *
Shutting the door to our apartment behind me causes relief of the highest levels. I feel like I’ve locked out all the bad shit I have had to deal with these past twenty four hours.
I’m tired. I’m fucking exhausted. I feel like a discarded piece of paper.
And it all starts crumbling. A wall is bound to start slowly falling apart after being hit over and over again, each time feeling the blows with a stronger intensity.
I slide down the door sitting down on the floor and slowly taking my shoes off. I put my bag beside me and wrap my arms around my knees, hiding my head in the space between them and my chest.
One tear slides down my cheek.
Another follows.
And another, this time accompanied by a choked sob.
A pair of arms wraps around the ball that my body has been shaped into. One of his hands comes up to stroke my hair gently, feeding me the comfort I have been longing for since I left the apartment this morning.
“I saw it. All of it. All the shit they talk about you. All the names they call you. And I’ve never wanted to beat so many people up simultaneously.“ His words make me raise my head from its low position, giving him a knowing look. “I wish I could. I would, but that would land me in jail. Which doesn’t even sound so bad cause I don’t like going out. Only problem is you wouldn’t be with me. I wouldn’t want you to be there with me, don’t get me wrong, I’d never want you to end up in jail. I-...” I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. A quick kiss that says so much but mainly shows the immeasurable gratitude for his support.
Seeing those awful tweets and comments had the complete opposite effect on him. He no longer blames himself but the people who actually deserve the blame - all those jerks from my college.
I pull away, giving him a small smile. “I would never let you go to jail.”
He smiles back at me, overjoyed that my mood is slowly being lifted, “Come on, I have a nice crowd that would like to meet you.”
I know exactly what he means. Felix, Sean, Rae, Dave, Sykkuno and the rest of his friends. The people I’ve been so shy and afraid to meet since day one. Being shy doesn’t really make sense now, seeing as how they know I exist and that I’m a part of Corpse’s life.
What do I have to lose?
“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.“ Corpse’s black avatar runs around my cyan one in the Among Us lobby.
I can’t help but giggle when I unmute my mic, “Hi everyone! It’s so nice to finally meet you.“ They each introduce themselves, expressing how happy they are to be meeting me too.
It’s the first time in what feels like a while that I’m truly having fun. These people are wonderful, each so unique and lovely. They never brought up the scandal nor acted as though they knew about it. I know they did and I am beyond grateful that they never mentioned it or treated me any differently because of it. Also, Corpse was streaming the whole time. I had my phone on his stream, my eyes nervously scanning the chat every now and then. I couldn’t believe it. Corpse’s real fans were just as wonderful as his friends - they were nothing but supportive and happy to have met me.
Now, I can either choose to believe these people were being so nice to me out of sympathy or I can believe they really like me and appreciate me for who I am and not for what happened to me.
I choose to believe the latter.
And while I’m still getting accustomed to this whole new spotlight, I know I’ll be able to handle it as long as I’m holding Corpse’s hand in the process. All I need is to have him beside me and I’m prepared to tackle anything.
“They love you.“ Corpse tells me once the stream is done and we’ve hopped out of the Discord call, “But I love you more.“
His arms wrap around my waist while mine instinctively find their way around his neck, “I love them, too. But they’re at the number 2 spot.”
He smirks at me, “I wonder who’s at number 1.”
I push up on my toes, putting my lips an inch away from his, “Hmm, I wonder...”
He doesn’t let me finish, silencing my teasing with a sweet, loving kiss.
@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat
#corpse#corpse husband fanfic#corpse husband#husband#corpsehusband#corpse imagines#corpse simp#corpse x reader#corpse x y/n#corpse husband fanficiton#corpse husband x y/n#corpse husband x reader#corpse husband imagine#fluff#angst#romance#love#comfort#x reader#reader#reader insert#x y/n#y/n#requests open#requests
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VHS Christmas Carol Live Thoughts
OMGGGGGG STARKID LIVE AND ON STAGE TOGETHER AGAIN AAAAAAHHHHH
They let more people sing different parts of Bah Humbug and omg that's great
We get more harmonies!!
JANAYA
Scrooge, Fredge's nephew
Fred teasing his uncle is so cute!!
Sorry still screaming about people singing different parts
They way I almost forgot the interlude into 3 Spirits. As soon as it started I was smiling so hard (harder than I already was). I forgot how much I loved that and it was so much more epic this time
Scrooge and Marley's interactions are so funny. They are so annoyed with each other. Jacob is questioning why he's even helping this guy
WOOOO WOOOOO THE GHOSTS LETS GOOOOOOO
I don't remember every interlude from last year but I believe all (or at least most of them) are new and I'm obsessed. Especially for the ghosts intros
I am OBSESSED what they did with Christmas Past. They added so much to her character through little things. The way she teases Scrooge about being uncomfortable with his past. The way she's so eager to move on after each scene. When she pulls the cigarette showing her working out is mostly for show because pleasure over health. I love her. She's so shady
JANAYA!!!!!!
That Scrooge hits so much harder seeing Scrooge and Belle interact. She loved him and you can see it
When Brian came in for the interlude I absolutely lost it
HIS INTRO IS SO EPIC EVERYTHING IT SHOULD BE WHAT HE DESERVES
I was watching with my mom and I kept saying "Here comes the boy!!!"
I'm not really a fan of the wig. LOVING his light up shoes. It's what he deserves. Those shoes are everything I want for him
THEY LET JAMES HAVE A DANCE BREAK OMGGGGGG
AND THEY ADDED MORE CHOREO THAT YOU KNOW IM LEARNING
SCREAMING AND CRYING CHRISTMAS PRESENT I LOVE YOU I WANT TO JOIN THE PARTY
We got drunk Scrooge good for us
Oh woah we got way more kids than last year
JOEY CARRYING BRIAN OMG
Bob and Emily are so incredibly in love and you can feel it. The way they look at each other 🥺🥺. They deserve everything
When they started encouraging the audience to clap along !!!! Yes being together really is a treasure excuse me while I ball my eyes out
I don't feel so good-
Shout out to that moment in Final Ghost where they had AJ play unnamed Brian character's partner instead of Meredith
THAT JACKET REVEAL
OMG ALI
Scrooge is vibing so hard that man really is drunk with joy
I believe Fred forgiving Scrooge so much more this time. Last year I got the vibes that Fred only really talked to Scrooge because he's family. This time I got the vibes that he actually really loves and cares for his uncle and has just learned to deal with his grumpiness. I'm happy Scrooge is finally reciprocating that love
Bob and Scrooge's hug 🥺🥺 I am being so normal about this right now
Yes yes starkid I will spread the Christmas electricity. I don't celebrate Christmas but that won't stop me
ALSO the lighting was AMAZING
I thought with it being live it would loose the music video feeling but no. The screen in the back was great
These extra bits of choreo. I need to learn this before my ticket expires. They looks so fun
I loved this so so so much I'm about to rewatch it right now
#AAAAAHHHHHHHH#starkid#a vhs christmas carol#a vhs christmas carol spoilers#vhs christmas carol live#vhs christmas carol live spoilers#melchron the good book#mel thinks thoughts#avhscc#vhscc
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A few of my fav childhood tv shows w edgy or goth looking characters bc it seems its all i used to watch
Blaise le blasé (Fred’s Head for the englishers)
One of my favourites EVER. It was a hilarious relatable show (for teen me bc child me didn’t always understand wtf was going on). Definitely recommend (if you speak french watch it in french its wayyy better).
Mona the Vampire
Every now and then i have a sudden nostalgia crisis and i watch an episode of Mona or Ruby Gloom (coming up). I keep forgetting this show exists until i need it LMAO but its really good and i remember reading the books too.
Ruby Gloom
My favourite cartoon show EVER since like forever. I cant remember much of my childhood but i remember watching Ruby Gloom regularly mostly alone, sometimes with my older sister. Misery is my favourite i love her so much, shes such a mess and i relate with her on a spiritual level.
Edgar & Ellen
Okay, this show i didn’t remember until i saw a picture of it while looking up other shows and OMG IT WAS AMAZING HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy
Billy and Mandy, a classic, what else is there to say other than *chefs kiss*
Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School
My favourite Scooby Doo movie, i watched it a million times. I use to do the “i’m her!!!!” thing with my sisters and i was the tall skinny legend ghost chick and i STILL want to be her
Code Lyoko
Okay if you were a french or french canadian kid you FOR SURE know about this show. I started rewatching it recently and that shit is EPIC?!?! I truly never appreciated it enough but i can tell you the theme song was, is and always will be a BOP. Im not sure if it counts as an edgy looking show in general but my favourite character was Odd so i guess that counts for something (it also explains my neko love)
Emily the Strange (book series)
I genuinely didnt know that so many people liked these books until like a week ago. When i was reading these books i didnt know anybody that even knew of them so i was my own fandom LMAO. I was OBSESSED with these books, i wanted to live like Emily (sleep the day, adventures at night) and i learned how to draw her and her cats
Ghostgirl (book series)
I read those when i was in my first year of secondary school and i l o v e d it. But ever since then i have an actual fear of choking on small stuff (the main character died chocking on a gummy bear) and its probably the reason why i cant swallow pills, now that i think about it. Theyre amazing books but its probably for like 12-14 years olds so dont expect a horror book
Honourable mention: The Hex Girls
I just could not n o t talk about the hex girls, even if they dont have their “own” show theyre still SO UUGHHH. Ive seen every movie/show where they made an appearance (no matter how small) and i know all of their songs and i just love them so much like omg please someone let me be an eco goth wicca vampire-wannabe rock band member with them!!!
Okay that’s all folks! I recommend watching/reading some of these if you’re interested because theyre really amazing and shaped me into the human i am today! (Not saying im a good human but i sure am interesting! XD)
Love yall, stay safe and enjoy!🖤
#i wouldve added monster high#but i was more of an ever after high kid#blaise le blase#fred’s head#mona the vampire#ruby gloom#emily the strange#ghostgirl#ghost girl#billy and mandy#the grim adventures of billy and mandy#edgar and ellen#edgar & ellen#scooby doo and the ghoul school#code lyoko#the hex girls#list#canadian cartoons#french#goth#emo#edgy#goth gf#mine#y2k#90s#00s#childhood#kidcore#nostalgia
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But with you, it’s different...
So, I’ve combined two of my great obsessions: Criminal Minds and Taylor Swift. Pretend the reader is Taylor Swift in the sense that she wrote and recorded the songs, but that’s it. Also, the songs are all out of order and not from the albums so just pretend that’s okay. I don’t reference the albums, but individual songs and yeah. It’s honestly kind of a mess, but also makes me happy. This is part 1! I have most of it written, so I should be able to post the other parts pretty soon. I think there will be 3 actual parts and then a short epilogue! Last thing, Spencer is a little out of character. I (try to) explain that later!!
Summary: Reader is a famous singer with a murderous stalker. Spencer has to go undercover to protect her.
warnings: mentions of murder, anxious reader
Word Count: 7940
You weren’t expecting anything out of the ordinary to happen tonight. It was just the usual Saturday night. Honestly, you were looking forward to having a boring two weeks off. You absolutely loved touring and performing and seeing your fans, but it was going to be great to have some time just to write again. Writing music has always helped you de-stress and get your emotions out, and you were supposed to finally have a chance to do just that. However, the universe had different plans. Plans that involved the FBI.
This was your second night in DC. It was the first of some of the bigger cities on your tour where you were doing two shows, so you are even more exhausted than normal. You really only just started the US leg of your tour, but the two weeks off was well earned from the Europe, Asia, and South America legs.
As you begin to perform the second to last song, you start to feel the familiar sadness you get when finishing a show. It’s almost as though the adrenaline rush from the excitement of so many screaming fans is wearing off and you can’t help but feel a bit sorry that the fun is coming to an end. After so many performances though, you’ve learned how to hide the emotions and give the audience your best fake smile. The last song is where you have some real fun, so just make it there.
As you duck off stage to change for the final performance, you can’t help but notice the small group of people conversing, quite tensely, with your security team. They don’t look like the normal fans who would try to sneak backstage, too official. You make eye contact with one of them. He looks to be about your age, but you’ve never been great at guessing. There’s something about him that makes you want to find out exactly who he is right now, but you can’t.
You’re left wondering about his identity as you run back onstage for the grand finale. You feel a genuine smile appearing as you feel the heat from the fireworks and listen to the happy cheers from the crowd. You’re last song goes off without a hitch, but you’re exhausted. There’s nothing you want more than to just shower and sleep, but there’s always a buzz about the cast and crew that prevents anyone from leaving right away.
“Thank you for a great second night DC! Goodnight!” You shout into the mic as you duck back offstage to ride out the post show high. You are still chatting with some of the dancers you’ve become friends with when Carrie, the head of security, comes up with one of the men you saw arguing with her earlier.
“Y/N? Can I talk to you for a minute?” You turn, surprised to see the stern man standing behind Carrie. “Yeah, sure.” You turn to excuse yourself from the dancers, wishing them a goodnight before turning back to Carrie.
“We can go do your dressing room, that’s where the others are waiting.” Carrie says with a nervous smile on her face.
“The others?” You ask confused, jogging to keep up with the brisk pace she has set for you and the stern man. “Who are we talking to?”
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions. We will explain everything as soon as we meet up with the rest of the team.” The stern man spoke quietly, but with confidence as he followed behind you and Carrie. Before you could ask anything else, you were being ushered into your dressing room, coming face to face with the other two people you saw arguing with Carrie earlier. The first one you notice is a woman with jet black hair and fierce eyes. The other is the tall, lanky man you made eye contact with.
You’re a little excited to get a closer look. He looks a little awkward at first glance, but you can tell he’s a sneaky sort of attractive underneath the perfectly placed tie and the comfy cardigan. Before you can get too caught up in how good looking these three strangers are, you turn to the stern one and ask “Who are you, and what are you doing here?” Your tone clearly indicates the confusion you’re feeling.
“Ms. L/N, my name is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. I am the Unit Chief for the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI.” You can feel your eyes go wide as he shows you a badge with his picture and title. Before you can respond, he begins talking again. “These are SSAs Emily Prentiss” the woman gives you a reassuring smile and slight wave, “and Dr. Spencer Reid.” The sneakily attractive one nods his head in your general direction.
The woman just introduced as Emily chimes in “we are here because we believe there is a killer targeting fans of your music. We have been tracking murders for the past two weekends. The first was in Louisville, Kentucky, then Columbus, Ohio, and then two right here in D.C.”
“I was just in Louisville… and Columbus.” You feel yourself beginning to get dizzy as you try to comprehend what the agents are telling you.
“Yes, and now you’re in DC.” The boss man is talking again. “We made the connection this afternoon as you had two shows here in DC.” The room is starting to spin as you listen to the man talk. “After more digging, we found each victim had purchased a ticket to your show. Additionally, they all had social media accounts dedicated as fan pages to you.” Agent Hotchner continues speaking as you nod along, trying to comprehend how this was happening. You don’t even realize you are tuning him out as you begin to sway on your feet. You can see his mouth moving, and the growing look of concern on his face is the last thing you see before the world goes dark.
--
You can hear a faint beeping as you begin to wake up. For a moment, you are blissfully unaware of the murders before the memory of meeting the three agents comes back to you. You instantly sit up and look around, trying to figure out where you are. You can see a very muscular bald man through a window, talking to someone in scrubs.
Scrubs. A nurse. You are in the hospital.
Your heart rate begins to calm down before skyrocketing again when you hear “Ms. L/N?” from the other side of the room. Turning with wide eyes and a scared expression, you throw your arms up to defend yourself from the unknown voice.
“Sorry! Sorry, uh- I didn’t mean to scare you! I’m Dr. Spencer Reid.” Instantly you relax again at the familiar face. You drop your arms back to the bed, shifting into a more comfortable position before asking “Okay, Doctor. What’s wrong with me? Why am I in the hospital?”
He looks at you with a sheepish expression, rubbing the back of his neck before he admits, “Oh, I’m not that kind of doctor. I’ll go get a nurse or someone. Try to think back on what you remember before waking up here.” He shuffles out of the room as you try to replay the conversation with the other agents.
Well, it wasn’t much of a conversation with them doing all of the talking, but still. The unknown man from outside your room window and the nurse he was talking to come into the room with Dr. Reid. The nurse begins checking your vitals as she asks you some questions.
“Hi there. It’s good to see you up. How are you feeling?” She wears a small smile.
“Oh, um, I feel fine. I think. I’m just confused about how I ended up here. I remember talking to the agents at the arena, but that’s it.” You close your eyes as you try to remember more, but nothing comes to you.
“That was only about 45 minutes ago, dear.” The nurse’s kind voice helps settle you. “You fainted while the agents were talking to you. They brought you here. You should be good to leave in a few minutes as long as your vitals are good.”
“Thank you.” You return her kind smile as she marks information on your chart before leaving the room.
“Ms. L/N, this is SSA Derek Morgan.” The Doctor Agent is talking again.
“Please, call me Y/N.” You rub your head, continuing to try to remember more about your condition. Before either man in the room can speak up, a new thought occurs to you. “If I fainted, why doesn’t my head hurt? The floor in my dressing room is not soft.” You look between the two men for an explanation.
The doctor shifts his weight from foot to foot a blush appearing on his face as Agent Morgan speaks up. “That is because Pretty Boy over here” he claps a hand onto the doctor’s shoulder “caught you before you hit the ground.” “Oh, um… Thank you.” You can feel the blush beginning to form as you think about his arms being around you.
“It was no problem, really. Can we ask you a few questions?” He moves on quickly. “Oh sure thing Dr. Reid. Or Agent Reid. Agent Dr. Reid?” You can feel the blush growing as you ramble.
“Just Sp-Spencer is fine.” He cuts you off before you can continue suggesting different honorifics. “What do you remember from what Agent Hotchner was telling you?”
“He said someone was mur-murdering fans of me.” Tears spring to your eyes as you think about it. “That someone was killed in Kentucky and Ohio and then two people here in DC.” You squeeze your eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall.
Get a hold of yourself.
You feel a new weight on your hand before hearing Spencer begin talking again. “Take your time.” You open your eyes to see him patting your hand delicately. He moves back after you take a few deep, calming breaths.
“I’m sorry. I just feel awful knowing people are dy-dying because of me. Is there anything I can do to help?” You choke on the words a bit, realizing the full gravity of the situation.
“Do you recognize any of these people?” Agent Morgan pulls out photos of three women and one man, handing them to you to sift through. He seems to be staring at Spencer, but you just focus on the pictures. You can feel the tears building again as you realize who they are.
“I do.” You take another breath before continuing. “I haven’t met them before, but they are all really active on different social sites. I try to talk to as many fans as I can ya know? They are why I am where I am. Is that why they were killed? Oh god. No no no no.” Your breathe increases in speed as you think about everything that is happening.
“Hey, hey, hey, none of this is your fault.” Spencer is patting your hand again as he tries to calm you down. Just then, the nurse comes back with some paperwork for you to sign in order to leave.
“You are free to go Ms. L/N. Just sign these forms and hand them in at the desk on your way out.” She exits the room swiftly.
“Would you mind coming back to our office to finish talking?” Agent Morgan asks.
“Of course not. Anything I can do to help.” You turn in the forms before following them to a black SUV. Spencer opens the door for you to get in the back before he slides in next to you. You don’t even have the brain power to consider why he isn’t sitting in the front. You just grab his hand and squeeze it, unable to get the thoughts out of your head that this was all your fault.
“This is not your fault. You had no idea what was happening, and now that you do you are trying to help.” Spencer looks at you reassuringly as he squeezes your hand right back. You simply nod back. You don’t trust yourself to speak without crying. You just need to calm down before you get to the office.
About 15 minutes later you pull up to the FBI building that houses the BAU. They must’ve brought you to a hospital near Quantico. They lead you through security up to the fifth floor. You walk through a set of glass doors, passing a few desks before entering a conference room. “Do you need anything? Coffee, water?” Spencer asks as Agent Morgan leaves the room.
“Oh, um, no I’m okay for now.” You stare at your hands as you go to sit down. “Actually, could I get a jacket or something?” You gesture to what you’re wearing as you ask. You haven’t had a chance to change yet, meaning you are wearing a black, sequined romper that is basically a leotard with how short it is. Perfect for performing, but not exactly FBI attire. “Of co-course! I’ll be right back.” He practically runs out of the room.
A few minutes later, he pushes the door back open. “Here’s some clothes you can change into if you want. Or just a sweatshirt.” You look up from your position in the chair, rising to take the clothes.
“Thank you.” You look from the clothes to him realizing you need to change, but are in a room full of windows in an unfamiliar building.
He catches on a few seconds later, leading you out of the room. “The bathroom is this way!” He squeaks out as you both walk down a hallway outside the glass doors you came in. “I’ll wait here to show you back.” You smile as you brush past him, whispering thank you as you close the door.
You instantly take off the romper, sliding on some FBI sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt that smells like vanilla and new books. The scent is oddly comforting. You would think a standard FBI sweatshirt would smell new, but this scent is calming your nerves. You fix your makeup as best you can before heading out of the bathroom. Spencer is a few feet away talking to a beautiful blonde woman. She looks effortlessly gorgeous. She smiles as she notices you, waving you to join them.
“Ms. L/N, it’s lovely to meet you, although I do wish it was under better circumstances. I am SSA Jennifer Jureau, but you can call me JJ. The rest of the team is waiting for us to join them.” She smiles kindly, but you are frozen in place. You feel like a deer caught in the headlights.
Spencer grabs your arm lightly, pulling you out of your trance. “It’s okay. Just breathe.” He whispers as the three of you start walking back toward the conference room you were in earlier.
He lets your arm fall back to your side before guiding you back into the room behind JJ. You freeze again upon entering the room. You recognize Agents Hotchner, Prentiss, and Morgan, but are surprised by the other two faces. There is an older man with salt and pepper hair smiling kindly at you. He reminds you of your father. Then there is a very bubbly blonde, in a very colorful dress and matching glasses.
They introduce themselves as SSA David Rossi and technical analyst Penelope Garcia. The unit chief begins to describe the case again, going slower this time given your earlier episode. “We believe the unsub is targeting fans of yours who he believes is unworthy of your attention. He worships you and views his victims as people who are not devoted enough to you.”
You can’t decide how to respond, so you wait for another agent to continue. “Do you know of anyone who might be overly obsessed with you? Maybe they sent you letters that were a bit more personal than normal?” At this point, you decide you are done being controlled by this situation. What happened to those people is awful, but you can’t change it. You need to be strong to help prevent it from happening to anyone else.
“I haven’t finished my fan letters from this week yet. I try to go through as many as possible, but there is only so much time in a day.” At this point you are pacing. Walking around has always helped you with thinking things over. “There is one letter that sticks out from three weeks ago. That was before the murd-” you stutter on the word. “Before anything happened though. Could that be relevant?” You ask, looking hopeful. If the agents are surprised by your change of attitude they don’t mention it.
“It might be. What did it say?” Agent Hotchner asks, the same stern expression adorning his features.
“I don’t remember all of it, but it looked like it was written on a typewriter, so it stood out. It said something about how they wondered if my hair smelled like peaches after I finished a show. I thought it was weird because my shampoo is peach scented, but how could they possibly know that? I figured I must have met them in passing, you know. I meet a lot of fans just walking around the different cities. Something just felt weird about this letter though. Like a bad feeling. I mean, my hair doesn’t really retain the scent of my shampoo all that much. So how could he know that unless he knew what shampoo I use? But actually, I use a personalized shampoo so I can change the scent every time I but it- it must’ve been a lucky guess, right? Maybe I just look like I would use peach scented shampoo” You feel like you are talking a mile a minute, but you can’t get yourself to stop. You practically fall back into your chair as you finish rambling about the letter, looking up to see unmistakable expressions of concern on the agents’ faces.
“What? What does that mean? Oh god- How does he know my shampoo smells like peaches?” You look between all the agents as they seem to be communicating with just their eyes. You resort to taking calming breaths again. They’ll fill you in eventually, you need to breathe. You drop your head between your thighs as you push your chair away from the table. Breathe in for 7 seconds, hold for 7, and breathe out for 7. This always helps calm you down before a show.
You choose to ignore the agents quietly talking to each other again as you focus on slowing your heart rate back to a normal pace.
“Ms. L/N?” You look up exasperatedly, “Please, just call me Y/N.”
“Then you can call me Penelope!” The woman has such a kindness to her that you can’t help but smile back at her.
“What can I do for you Penelope?” She seems a bit surprised, but she responds in kind.
“I just wanted to ask if you wanted some coffee. Or water or anything?” You smile at her kind gesture, rising from your seat.
“Actually, some tea would be wonderful. But, please, let me come help you. These guys seem like they need to talk and it would probably be easier if I wasn’t in the room.” You smile as you walk out the door, leaving the agents slightly stunned at your observational skills in your distressed state.
Penelope follows you out and leads you to what you assume is the break room. “We don’t really have much tea, but I know where the good doctor keeps his private collection.” She whispers conspiratorially as she searches through a small cabinet. “Aha! Here it is.” She presents you with a pretty impressive collection of teas. You opt for the simple peppermint. You have always found peppermint tea the most soothing.
She hands you a mug before gesturing to the Keurig on the counter. You place the teabag in the cup, selecting the largest cup on the machine, and brewing hot water for your tea. The two of you don’t say anything while it steeps. Penelope speaks up when you move to sit down at the small table.
“I just have to say, I am a huge fan of yours.” You can’t hide the smile that forms on your face. You have always loved meeting fans. They are just so sweet and you appreciate them beyond belief.
“Thank you so much!” She seems a bit relieved at your response. “That’s honestly so nice to hear right now. I kind of feel like a mess.” You gesture to the oversized clothes you’ve got on.
“Please, you look so gorgeous right now. It’s amazing. Your music is amazing too. I absolutely love Begin Again! It’s so romantic!” She gushes over the song.
“Honestly, that one took me forever to write. I was in a pretty bad place after a bad breakup, convinced I would never love again. Dramatic, I know.” You roll your eyes at yourself. “But then I saw these two people in a café, and they just looked so happy. The idea of a new love forming so casually right in front of me was beautiful.” You smile thinking about the couple, wondering if they are still together.
“Wow, so you can really right about anything?” She looks while asking the question.
“Pretty much. I mean, they won’t all be good. It could be the tiniest moment or a huge thing in my life. Inspiration comes from everywhere. A lot of songs actually draw from multiple experiences, not just one thing. I could totally see myself writing a song about you.”
“No way! That would be insane.” You smile at her enthusiasm.
“I’m serious! You just give of this energy that is so positive, it’s hard to remember ever being sad. I think it would be about how confident you are. Something like…” you trail off as you begin to hum, setting up your phone to record. “You’re the only one of you, baby that’s the fun of you. And I promise that nobody’s gonna love you like me!” You hum a few more bars before ending the recording.
“That was insane. How do you do that?!” She has a wild kind of excitement in her eyes.
“I don’t know. You just inspired me.” You grin at the shocked expression in her eyes.
“Sing it again!” And you can’t help but give her what she wants.
You hum a bit more of a melody that could work before jumping into the words you already said. You add a few more here and there, but nothing concrete. In your focus on singing, you don’t hear the door open behind you.
“I’m the only one of me, baby that’s the fun of me. Oh oh oh. You’re the only one of you, baby that’s the fun of you. And I promise that you’ll never find another like me.” “I don’t doubt it.” You turn in shock to look at the person behind you, seeing none other than Spencer Reid in the doorway. You don’t notice the flush of embarrassment on his cheeks that you heard his comment, just like he doesn’t notice the matching expression on your face. Penelope though, she notices. And, she can’t wait to tell Derek.
Spencer clears his throat before speaking again. “We’re ready for you to come back in if you’re up for it. We want to talk to you about a plan to keep you safe.”
“Sure thing.” You grab your tea from the table before you and Penelope follow Spencer back to the conference room. You sitting cross-legged in your seat. You feel much calmer after chatting with Penelope. Song writing has always been cathartic for you, and it is reassuring that hasn’t changed.
The agents waste no time getting down to business. “We believe the unsub has broken into your tour bus. If the letter was from him, it would explain how he knows about the peach scent.” Agent Rossi starts.
Agent Morgan continues, “It’s an easier target than a hotel room or your personal home since fewer people would be securing it.” You nod along with them. You are determined to stay strong through this.
“We want to completely ensure your safety, so we think it best to send an agent to stay with you while we work on the case.” Agent Prentiss chimes in. You feel like you’re going to get whiplash looking between all their faces.
“Since we haven’t ruled out people on the crew, we want this to remain as secret as possible. We will inform the head of security on your team, but other than that the agent will be undercover.” Agent Hotchner, stern as ever, appears to be studying your reaction.
“Okay.” You sigh. “Okay, I can handle this. I’ll be fine. I’ll have an agent with me. Who’s going undercover? Do you have a cover story planned?” You look at Agent Hotchner with nervous eyes.
“We wanted to plan the cover story with you to make it as believable as possible. What are you planning on doing for the next few weeks?” You consider what your plans consist of. Honestly, nothing but songwriting.
“I plan on mostly working on songwriting. I usually go to cafes, parks, or anywhere really with people for inspiration. If I already have an idea, I’ll write from my hotel room or from home if I’m there. If any of you have any musical experience, then we could make up a cover story about a new writing partner. Nobody would really question it because I write with new people all the time.” You glance around the room to see if anyone is willing to take you up on your offer. Nobody says anything for a minute. They are communicating with looks again.
Penelope chimes in “Reid knows how to play the piano!” You can’t help but latch on to the statement as you turn toward Spencer.
“Really, that would be so helpful! I normally write to piano or guitar and then add any additional instrumental later in the studio. If you can play, then the story would look even more believable!” You are actually getting excited about this idea working out. You finally feel like you’ve helped them with something. They probably could’ve figured it out without you, but still.
“Yes, I can play. I mean, it’s just mathematics if you think about it.” Spencer responds quietly, like his mind is somewhere else.
“Reid, if you feel comfortable with it, that story sounds like great cover.” Reid nods at Agent Hotchner. “Great. You can go to your place and grab some clothes and anything else you’ll need.” He says to Spencer before turning his attention to you. You watch as Spencer walks out with the rest of the team before turning to meet Agent Hotchner’s eye. “It’s best if we stick to your plans as closely as possible. If the unsub is someone who works with you, he will likely notice if you start changing your behavior too much.” You nod in response, mentally going through everything you do from day to day.
“Agent Reid will stay with you in your hotel room if you are comfortable with it. That is the safest arrangement since he will be close by if anything happens. We will also have agents tail you when you go out in public. We’ll have a rotation of agents in the rooms around yours each night to allow Reid to rest as well. He knows how to contact us, but we will program our numbers into your phone as well for backup. Do not hesitate to call any one of us if something feels even remotely wrong, no matter the time. Do you understand?”
Again, you nod in response. It’s a lot of information to take in and honestly, you’re still thinking about sharing a hotel room with Spencer.
“We will need to see the letter you mentioned earlier if you still have it. We would also like to go through the fan mail you currently have and any new mail that comes in. If you see anything else that feels off or seems suspicious, tell Reid or call one of us. If you remember anything else, tell Reid or call one of us.” He gives you a questioning glance to ensure you are following.
“Basically, tell Reid everything. Got it.” You try to remain lighthearted even though Agent Hotchner’s serious expression hasn’t waned in the slightest.
“It’s good to see you’ve got a good attitude about this. It’s hard to remain calm, but it will help limit any suspicion on the part of the unsub. We don’t want to escalate his plans. Do you have any questions for me?” He gives you a reassuring look as you contemplate everything he’s told you.
“What does unsub mean?” you blurt out, surprising both of you. “Sorry, that was loud.” You cringe. “I just meant, why do you call the criminal, unsub?”
You can see the faintest of smiles on his face as he replies, “Right, we can get pretty wrapped up in a case. It stands for unidentified subject. We try not to assign nicknames or anything to the perpetrators as it can affect their behavior.”
“Right. Behavior.” You try to sound like you understand, but honestly this is so much different from all the detective shows you’ve seen. Apparently, Agent Hotchner notices and explains more.
“We catch criminals by analyzing their behavior and trying to predict what they’ll do next.”
“Like psychology? Nature vs. Nurture and mental disorders?” You ask, suddenly very curious about how this all works.
“Yes, just like that, although we normally go a little deeper.”
“So what can you tell about this unsub? That way I know what to look for.” Agent Hotchner seems pleased with this question.
“The unsub is a man, likely 25-40. Age is the hardest thing to predict, so don’t follow that guideline too strictly. He likely suffers from antisocial personality disorder stemming from negligent parents and has always had trouble interacting with people. He is highly organized, which usually indicates high intelligence, but in this case could be due to the time he spends alone planning. His lack of social skills has resulted in him only working menial jobs. He won’t have worked anywhere for more than a few months before finding a new job since people find him odd or off-putting. He has always felt as though he deserves more because of his self presumed high intelligence. It is possible you met him in passing and any act of kindness toward him resulted in an obsession with you. He doesn’t have the courage to approach you, so he watches from afar or online. That’s how he found his earlier victims. Since you don’t have any shows in the next few weeks, his MO might change slightly. That’s why we want to be so cautious and make sure we can ensure your safety.” You sit quietly for a moment, trying to picture anyone who fits the description. You try to meet the people who work with you, but you certainly don’t know everyone. You were honestly hopeful the description would point you toward a suspect, but you’ve got nothing. “I can’t think of anyone like that, but now I know what to look out for. Thank you Agent Hotchner.” “Please, call me Hotch. Do you have any more questions?”
“Just one, you said earlier that maintaining a sense of normalcy will prevent us from escalating his plans. What plans exactly?” You were nervous to ask this question, wondering if you really wanted to hear the answer.
“We don’t know exactly. It is possible the unsub has been trying to work up the courage to talk to you, but since you won’t be doing shows, it is unclear how he would make contact. Reid and the other agents will be looking for anyone who appears to be in a lot of the same places you are. If you notice anyone more than one time in a day, don’t hesitate to-“
“Tell Reid or call one of you. I got it.” You smile at him again. “Thank you again.” He nods as you both exit the room. Spencer isn’t back from picking up clothes yet, so you aren’t sure exactly what to do. Penelope notices you searching the room and waves you over to her. She is talking with Agent Morgan.
“Y/N! I was just telling my Chocolate Thunder about the song you started earlier. I just need to know, what does this fine specimen inspire you to write?” She sounds so excited you can’t bear to let her down. You study the man in front of you, searching for something to sing. You don’t know why, but there’s a certain sadness in his eye. He hides it well with his masculinity and the clear smirk on his face, but you know he’s been through some shit.
You don’t want to kill the mood though, so you stick to something a little lighter than past pain. “Well, Pen, I have to say he looks like a heartbreaker.” This only encourages the smirk on his face. “The type to love ‘em and leave ‘em.” You have had a song in the back of your mind for a while so why not break it out now. Penelope shrieks as you start humming, drawing a crowd. Again, you set up your phone to record. The rest of the BAU agents crowd around Morgan’s desk as you start singing.
“Magic, madness, heaven, sin, saw you there and I thought, oh my god, look at that face. You look like my next mistake.” That draws a few chuckles as you continue humming. More words pop into your head as you think about past relationships and what the media loves to say about celebrities. “Screaming, crying, perfect storms. I can make all the tables turn. Da dada da da, Keep you second guessing like, Oh my god, who is she. I get drunk on jealousy.” You hum some more, really getting into the flow of the song. “Cause darling I’m a nightmare, dressed like a daydream.” The group claps as you end the recording.
“That was actually pretty impressive.” Agent Morgan smirks at you some more.
“Well, to be honest I’ve had the melody in my notes for weeks, but I just couldn’t think of the right words.” Yet again, his smirk grows.
“I guess I’m just that inspirational.” You choke back a laugh as you roll your eyes. You hadn’t realized the size of the crowd you had garnered. You can’t help but knock him down a few pegs.
“You know what, I changed my mind. Agent Morgan’s song would be called I Knew You Were Trouble.” The entire group laughs at that one, but all the sudden you actually have another idea.
Before long, Penelope is asking you what songs you would write about the entire team.
“Start with Hotch!”
“Well, Hotch is so serious. So it’s kind of hard. His face just screams ‘I’ve been through it and dealt it out’. Maybe something like… your string of lights is still bright to see oh, who you are is not what you did, you’re still an innocent.” Even as you half sing it, the one line feels like it could lead somewhere big. It’s not quite right, but it’s a start.
“That’s so cool. Do me next! And please, just call me Emily.” You nod at her as you think back over your previous interactions.
“Alright, don’t get mad but something just popped into my head and I can’t un-hear it. They say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good. Most fun I ever had, and I’d do it over and over and over again if I could.” The smile on her face told you everything you needed to know, but so did JJ.
“You absolutely nailed it. That is Emily to a tee.” JJ chimed in. “I’m kind of scared to see what you can come up with for me!” Your head is swimming with lyrics and melodies, but it has been so long since you’ve had this much fun writing music with a group of people. It’s become such a solo activity for you, but these people just have so many stories to tell.
“Okay, let me think.” You pause as you observe JJ. You can tell that she is such a sweetheart from the few hours you’ve known her, but you know you would be intimidated if you went to high school with her. “Sorry to be blunt but, you’re so gorgeous, I can’t say anything to your face. Cause look at your face.”
“Why thank you!” JJ smiles as you defend the lyric choice.
“I know you are so sweet and I of course don’t mean to say you are just a pretty face, but you really do have a pretty face.” The group chuckles again and nods in agreement. “Oh, wait! I’ve got another one. You took a Polaroid of us, then discovered, the rest of the world was black and white. But we were in screaming color.” That one came out of nowhere, but it felt right.
“Beautiful. Okay, okay! Rossi’s turn!” Penelope says right as the man walks out of his office.
“My turn for what?” He looks skeptical of the group, but in a loving way.
“Y/N is coming up with song ideas for everyone! She just did Morgan, Hotch, Emily, and JJ! She did mine earlier. So it’s your turn!”
“Well then by all means, be my guest.” You close your eyes as you think through the words swimming in your head.
“While, Rossi, you have a kind aura. You seem like a parent to this group of rowdy children. Reminds me of my dad.” Again, the group laughs. You begin humming, lightly patting the desk in front of you as you think back on memories of your own parents. “I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall, but I know you’re not scared of anything at all. Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away, but I know I had the best day with you today.” This tune was softer than the rest, more emotional. Everyone stops laughing as they listen to the soft melody you created.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kill the mood.” You feel slightly awkward with the new found silence.
“Please, bella, that was beautiful. You really know how to read people.” Rossi hugs you as you blush, thanking him for the compliment.
“That only leaves the resident genius. What would you write about Reid?” JJ poses the question and suddenly all eyes are on you. In all the commotion with the other songs, you didn’t notice Spencer exit the elevator. He walked in soon enough to hear the question. Deciding not to interrupt the conversation, he hangs back to listen to your answer.
You can feel the blush heating up your face, subconsciously hugging the sweatshirt he gave you to wear earlier. After all the short melodies and lyrics you’ve come up with, you are way too tired to put your feelings toward Spencer into words.
“I’ll be honest, it’s been in my head all night.” You begin to hum, knowing this would be a song about how you felt when you first saw him backstage, to when you spoke to him in the hospital room and all the little moments since then. “Your eyes whispered have we met…” you fill in for lyrics you’ve yet to write by humming. “All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you.”
“That was beautiful.” Spencer says from behind you. You jump in surprise, nearly falling out of your chair. You didn’t even realize he was in the room.
He looks sheepish as he apologizes for scaring you. “Are you ready to go?” He asks, reaching out a hand to help you up. The rest of the profilers share a knowing look as you rise from your seated position. They all wish you a goodnight as you and Spencer enter the elevator to head to your hotel. The ride to the parking garage is quiet. You keep humming that same melody, looking for the right words to fill in the blanks.
Spencer leads you to another black SUV opening the passenger side door for you to get in the car. He tosses his bag in the back before getting in and starting the drive.
“Penelope said it was my turn, did you do songs for everyone?” Spencer beaks the silence. You turn in your seat to look at him before responding.
“Kind of. Mostly just ideas of songs. Morgan’s was the most put together, only because it was a song I already started. I recorded the whole thing though. That way I won’t forget any ideas. I can play it for you when we actually start to write some music!” You are honestly surprised by the range of ideas you have.
“Wh-what? You actually want me to help you write songs? I th-though that was just a cover.” All of the sudden Spencer seems nervous and shy. You put the ideas swimming through your head on pause so you can devote all your attention to him.
“Spencer, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to come up with any profound lyrics or brand new chord progressions. But, since we are going to be spending a lot of time together, you do have to talk to me. Otherwise it would just be weird.” You try to lighten the mood. You can tell by the way he relaxed his shoulders it worked a little. He nods in agreement as he parks the SUV in the garage dedicated to the hotel you are staying in. You take the elevator straight up to the 11th floor. It’s honestly reassuring to be able to lead him somewhere after everything that happened in the past few hours.
You dig around in your bag- that somehow followed you on your journey from the arena to the hospital to the FBI building and now back to your hotel- to find the room key. No matter what you try, you can’t seem to slide the key card into the slot in the right way. Every time you try, the little light glows red before beeping indicating the door is still locked. After the fifth try, you are about ready to scream.
Suddenly, you can feel the heat from Spencer’s body as he slides up behind you to take the room key. He slides the card into the door, wiggles it around, and then slides it back out. To your surprise, the light glows green and the door unlocks. You must be exhausted to be this shocked at the fact he opened the door. You can’t even seem to force your feet to move. You just stand there like a fool, mouth agape.
“Why?” Spencer turns to look at you with a confused expression. “Why couldn’t I… How did you…?” You just point to the door. He places his hand on the small of your back, guiding you into the room. He places his bag just inside the door before he turns around to close the door and lock the deadbolt.
Even after he led you into the room, you turned around so you could keep staring at the door. You don’t even realize you started crying. Spencer guides you to the bed and tucks you into the blankets. You know that you are going to wake up in an hour because you never sleep in pants, but you just don’t have the energy to fight him on it. He turns off the lamp, but before he walks away, you grab his arm.
“Can you stay?” You have never heard yourself sound so frail. You squeeze your eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. Spencer looks conflicted, but ultimately sits down next to you, his back against the headboard. You lay next to him in the dark, not quite touching. Once your breathe calms enough that you can talk without bursting into tears, you ask “how do you do it?”
“Do what?” You smile at the sound of genuine concern in his voice.
“How do you deal with this kind of stuff all the time? I feel like I’m falling apart. I want to be strong about it, so I can help. But then all of the sudden I can’t keep it in anymore. I just… how do you make it seem so easy?” You feel sniffly again, but you try to focus on your breathing.
“It’s not easy. I hope it never becomes easy. It’s gotten easier, of course, but the minute I stop feeling everything is the moment I let them win. To feel pain in situations like this is human. Somebody wise once told me our best defense is our ability to empathize. It’s a completely natural reaction to experiencing something so traumatic. 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced some type of traumatic event at least once in their lives. That's 223.4 million people. It would be...” He trailed off.
“It would be what?” You angled your head up to look at him even though you couldn’t see him in the dark.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I tend to ramble. I’m sorry.” He sounded so dejected, you couldn’t stop yourself from reaching for his hand. You had to shift on the bed a bit to reach his arm, so you ended up leaning your cheek against his thigh, tossing your arm over his lap in a sort of make shift hug.
“I like it. It’s calming… and informative.” You couldn’t help but smile into his leg. “People who complain are just jealous.” That actually makes him laugh, but it doesn’t sound like a happy kind of laugh. More like a self-deprecating one. “I’m serious. You are clearly smarter than everyone else is, and you are sneaky attractive. There is a lot to be jealous about.” You dig deeper into his lap as you squeeze his hand in yours. The last thing you remember before falling asleep is the feeling of Spencer running his free hand through your hair.
--
You wake up slowly, eyes adjusting to the dark. You can just make out the numbers on the bedside clock to be 4:37. You must have fallen asleep talking to Spencer. Your head was still resting on his lap, his hand in your hair. You untangle yourself from the sheets to rid yourself of the extra layers that woke you up. It takes a few minutes of digging around in the dark to find one of the t-shirts you normally sleep in. In that amount of time, Spencer, still sleeping, rearranged himself to be laying on the bed rather than leaning against the headboard. You stopped for a minute to observe his sleeping form. He looks so at peace compared to the furrow of his brow and the glint in his eye that normally mean he’s thinking too hard.
As soon as you lay back down in the bed, Spencer gravitates toward you. Before long, your head is resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around you. You breathe in the scent of vanilla and new books; the rhythmic pattern of his chest rising and falling lulls you back to sleep.
Part 2
tag list:
@mac99martin
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#Criminal Minds#spencer#spencer reid one shot#criminal minds x reader
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Why ‘Adrien is Oblivious’ is a Misconception || Miraculous Why?
(Before I begin, note that this is my opinion over the topic and am no way am bashing anyone’s love for a ship and/or character. I respect who and what you like, therefore expect the same courtesy. However, if this is something you cannot handle, please click the back button as this will be a heavily discussed topic. Critiques are welcomes, Flames will be deleted. Other than that, enjoy.)
So I know I said I don’t normally get involved when it comes to the Miraculous fandom, but there’s always one thing that’s been bothering me from nearly the beginning since the series began.
Even before I had the ugly divorce from the love square after Desperada, I always found it hard to believe with the way Marinette behaved around Adrien was completely unnoticeable. And because of the way Adrien seems to not take note of it, fans (pure and toxic) automatically make the assumption that he’s oblivious or dumb.
But did people ever take the time to divulge why and to view it in his perspective? Aside from the excuse of bad writing, I think there could be other reasons as to why Adrien doesn’t acknowledge her behavior. And she doesn’t hide her feelings around him either while wearing the mask either, so far that she makes the same stuttering speeches and frantic hand motions.
But here’s a list of reasons for Adrien to have which can be plausible:
1) He IGNORES it.
Now before you go and start bashing the poor boy (god knows the fandom lacks the sympathy), keep in mind Adrien IS a celebrity of Paris. I dunno exactly how the celebrity lifestyle maybe different for the U.S, but I’m pretty sure this would have to do of how he was taught. As the face of Gabriel and with the reaction from several fans alone, Adrien was probably told by Gabriel in regards about fans and how they would react to him and how he has to ignore such barbaric measures. And given the way he sees fans react to him (Gorizilla), he believes his father is right.
In regards of Marinette, he hopes to make a friend for her instead of seeing her as one of his fans, even if he appreciates the support.
2) He’s looking for FRIENDSHIP, not ROMANCE
Adrien is starting a new chapter in his life and is looking for some normality at his new school. More so, he’s looking to make more friends. There could be to some reasons why for one of wanting a better friendship than what Chloe or Felix had set an example for. Mainly of course for the fact that Adrien is lonely and looking for companionship of his choice.
But he’s not in the rush for a straight out relationship.
I know what you’re thinking: “But he’s asked out Ladybug constantly! What the hell are you talking about?”. Well truth be told, Adrien as Chat may just be looking for an excuse to hang out with her. There’s no denial he’s attracted to her personality or admires her, but he DOES wants to get to know her first. Which is something Marinette fails to let happen as both herself AND Ladybug.
Now it is true Marinette has done things to help and may know stuff about him (either through stalking or researching online), but she hasn’t taken the time to get to know him on a personal level. She doesn’t know if he’s an anime lover, what he dreams of doing or how he likes puns. And as Ladybug when he show his more true self, she automatically rejects him with the somewhat reasonable excuse fear for identities. I’ll leave that alone as I’ll do another thing on identities later.
So in regards of Marinette’s ‘love’ (obsession), Adrien is just looking for friendship with her and not love. He’s not ready for a full on relationship yet where he’s starting fresh on friendships, which is why dating Kagami didn’t work out (I didn’t need to watch S4 to predict that). She pressured him into a relationship and expected them to be the perfect couple. It was clear he was not ready and yet seemed to ignore it anyway for her feelings towards him. For a healthy relationship to work, you need to think about the ‘we’ and not ‘me’ and to take time.
3) He’s SOCIALLY CHALLENGED
We don’t know how it really was when Emilie was around, but it seemed regardless Adrien had a strict childhood. His father, Gabriel Agreste, seems to have the main say of his life to control him as he saw fit, to mold Adrien the way HE wants him too. And because of such strictness, Gabriel is the kind of person to only tell Adrien the needed lesson to keep him under his thumb along with keeping him isolated.
Similar of how Judge Claude Frollo did to Quasimodo. Just as Mother Gothel did to Rapunzel and Cassandra.
And for those reasons alone, Adrien is left without the majority skills needed to make it on his own, including how to socialize and interact in a way with certain people. The only socializing skills he had probably was how to interact in regards of fans or how to avoid bad publicity. Something enough in regards to being a celebrity. Gabriel didn’t nor has planned for Adrien to have any interaction with others beyond that.
This particular reason alone helps understand his plight more and why 90% salt/bashing/hate thrown at him is completely unnecessary. Especially during ‘Chameleon’ and ‘Ladybug’.
Adrien is like Quasimodo and Rapunzel, being thrust into the new world after escaping their tower only to discover many things they’re not familiar with. Imagine being at the age of 14 but your parents haven’t been the best and haven’t taught you how to socialize with certain people. Then the teen could act in a certain way with anyone: friends, adults and even strangers in which they teen can be taken advantage of.
But how does he adapt quickly to being Chat Noir, you ask? Adrien probably had only but fantasies to fall back on whenever he’s isolated and alone. Probably even dreamed of a superhero rescuing him or taking him away to a new life where he’s free to be himself. His greatest nightmare shown in “Sandboy” is nothing about Ladybug or anyone else, but being locked away in his room for the rest of his life.
He’s no doubt a secret comic geek and probably dreamed of being a hero himself. Chat Noir is far from perfect, but he catches on of how a true hero should act. He’s also adapts quickly and is perceptive of behaviors. Like the way Ladybug and Fu doesn’t tell him the entire truth of what they plan for the future and try to isolate him from it. And between the two, Chat Noir perfects more of hiding his identity. Not for the fact of probably reading about it, but because Chat is someone he always wanted to be that he can’t as Adrien.
So the next time if you observe the show or read any works in regarding Adrien’s behavior and before you chalk it up as oblivious, dumb, stupid or selfish… how about you dive into his perspective and try to understand more of his side? There’s two sides to every story.
#adrien sugar#marinette neutral#kagami neutral#miraculous ladybug#miraculous why#artist opinion#artist speaks#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#adrien deserves better#kagami tsurugi#stockhom syndrome#gabriel agreste#//i'm just tired of people making this excuse for adrien
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Rating the Books I read after Gideon the Ninth (in order) by how well they made me forget my Gideon the Ninth angst
I starred the ones that I actually recommend if you want something similar to gtn.
I was bored so I made this. Mostly just so I can look back at this and laugh at myself in a few months and remember what I’ve read.
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**Harrow the Ninth -Tamsyn Muir
Summary: A depressed girl has to navigate murder attempts by both the mom and the dad of her dead ex-girlfriend who she can’t remember. She tries to make soup and writes fanfic to cope.
How well it helped me forget: -100/10 but also 10/10
Rating explanation: This one gets a 10/10 because it did make me feel better about a *particular* GTN plotpoint which I was very angsty about, but tragically it did make me more feral. After reading it I reread both books so I don’t think it helped me forget my angst.
Similar themes to GTN: all of it, plus more memes
I Want to Be Where The Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom
Summary: Rachel Bloom who wrote the world’s most relatable song: “You Stupid Bitch,” and starred/created in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, writes about having anxiety, feeling like she’s not normal, and Harry Potter fanfic.
How well it helped me forget: 8/10
Rating explanation: For a few minutes I actually did forget about my griddlehark angst while I learned more about Bloom’s life and laughed at the painful relatability of it all.
Similar themes to TLT: ummm depression, feeling very out of place, memes
Fingersmith - Sarah Waters
Summary: The book The Handmaiden was based on. A girl is sent to become a Lady’s handmaiden to con her out of some money. She falls in love. Many plot twists.
How well it helped me forget: 5/10
Rating explanation: I was sadly still thinking about TLT the whole time I read this. I liked it but I actually like the Handmaiden better because the women spend more time together. Like in this book, I wish that Harrow and Gideon could spend more time together.
Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, at some point you realize the main character’s love interest understands what’s going on way more than the main character
Kindred - Octavia Butler
Summary: Very dark book about slave narratives. I cannot make a joke here, but this book is excellent.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: Again, I can’t make a joke. But Octavia Butler is amazing.
Ash - Malinda Lo
Summary: A wlw retelling of Cinderella with fairies and an emphasis on stories
How well it helped me forget:7/10
Rating explanation: This was really quick and fun and I definitely was rooting for the lesbians. Also it was nice it had a happy ending! If you liked Crier’s War (which I did), this was clearly an influence for Nina Varela.
Similar themes: wlw, the magic one + the fighting one dynamic
Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel
Summary: A deadly pandemic wipes out so many people that the world spins into chaos and no one can figure out how to use electricity apparently? But the book is really about fame and wanting to be remembered. Go figure.
How well it helped me forget: -10/10
Rating explanation: Ok that’s not fair. It helped me forget about Gideon and Harrow but it did NOT help me forget about Corona. It was technically good and a lot of people I respect love it, but either because I was still thinking about TLT or because it was about a pandemic, I couldn’t really enjoy it.
Similar themes: post-apocalyptic
Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Summary: The Prince of England and The son of the president of the US are enemies. They are definitely enemies.
How well it helped me forget: 6/10
Rating explanation: This was such a fun read that it almost distracted me! Tragically I was in such TLT headspace that I kept pausing to read fanfics where Gideon and Harrow switch eyes.
Similar themes: Enemies to lovers, queer
Troubling Love - Elena Ferrante
Summary: In true Elena Ferrante fashion, an event spurs an Italian woman to do a lot of internal processing and have some flashbacks.
How well it helped me forget: 7/10
Rating explanation: This book was a bit disturbing so it distracted me in that way. Plus I love Elena Ferrante’s writing so much that it felt like coming home to an old friend. Unfortunately for me, this is Elena Ferrante’s least queer book. I know because I have now read them all. Her most queer book, The Lying Life of Adults, would have distracted me better. Also just using this space to tell anyone who’s still reading this (probably no one) to go read My Brilliant Friend (and the corresponding Neopolitan Novels). They are not similar to TLT except they are vaguely queer and about competitive friendships where the girls are obsessed with each other in maybe an unhealthy way. Ok so a bit similar. Genuinely my favorite books ever.
Similar themes: mommy issues, daddy issues, childhood trauma
On This Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous -Ocean Vuong
Summary: A Vietnamese immigrant reflects on his mother, grandmother, and his own life experience in the US. It is poetic and beautiful and will make you cry.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: This book is beautiful. It really changes how you think about the US. Plus really interesting stuff about the western way of telling stories. Cannot recommend it enough, though very little to do with TLT.
Similar themes: queer, stuff about language, childhood trauma, you will cry
**The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon
Summary: OK sorry none of those were good suggestions for what to read after GTN. THIS is what you should read after GTN. It is an incredibly slow burn wlw enemies to lovers. There are dragons, there is magic, there are very cool female characters who I am in love with. This is like Game of Thrones but if it was good, queer, and only one 800 page book.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: Enemies to lovers!!!! What more do I have to say? Also very cool world-building, interesting religious themes.
Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, religious themes, magic, very old wizard milfs, also mlm
*The Traitor Baru Cormorant
Summary: Baru is a very smart girl in a colonized island. She decides she will play the game of the colonizers, rise up in their society, and destroy them from within. How is that going, Baru?
How well it helped me forget: 100/10
Rating explanation: This DID make me forget TLT. The only book to truly make me. It made me forget so badly that I wanted my Griddlehark angst BACK. GIVE ME IT BACK I don’t wanna feel sad about Baru anymore. I cannot recommend it more, it is so good, but it did make me ugly cry. It also made me majorly depressed about colonization and the state of the world.
Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, ending will make you cry
*The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Summary: Baru is depressed, has brain damage, throws up a lot, is sad about (redacted), does some things without remembering them because there’s something going on in her brain. Sound familiar? It’s kinda like Harrow the Ninth but more depressing. Oh also a lot of new characters are introduced, old characters come back, a lot of setup for the next book. Euler’s identity shows up out of nowhere?!
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: Again, it made me forget but only because I was so engrossed in this story. Also kinda depressed. This book is kinda depressing. But Baru is very fun to be around, and there are some other great characters. Marry me, Yawa.
Similar themes: again, this is just harrow the ninth on steroids, I am in love with every single woman in this series
*The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Summary: Baru makes a new bestie, reunites with an old bestie, and discovers a dead bestie in her brain!
How well it helped me forget: 1000/10
Rating explanation: I loved this book. There were a few scenes I reread >four times. This book makes the other books in the series worth it.
Similar themes: please see my venn diagram comparing tlt, baru, and A memory called empire for more information
*The Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo
Summary: A girl has seen ghosts her whole life and because of that, gets accepted at Yale even though she didn’t finish high school. Yale is like a hotspot for ghosts I guess. It’s dark academia, the girl has a secret, the narrator is pretty funny.
How well it helped me forget: 6/10
Rating explanation: I was trying to get distracted from TLT (and Baru at this point), but it’s hard to forget about Harrow and Gideon in a book called The Ninth House (hello?). It was enjoyable and there was some good humor. I’m curious about the next book in the series when it comes out. It is not wlw unless you squint (which I do).
Similar themes: debatably wlw body posession, nine houses, the ninth one being important, nerd boy who reminds me of pal, woman is revealed to be MUCH older than I originally thought, soul eating, revenants, tombs, necromancy, character named Mercy
The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon
Summary: It’s the future and London is a hotspot for clairvoyants. Paige is a woman who has a special gift and can jump into people’s bodies and possess them briefly (among other things, this is a terrible explanation). Because of this, she is sent to a secret part of the city where clairvoyants are trained to be monster fighters (but also like, kept there in captivity against their will). Unlike every other book on this list I honestly wouldn’t recommend. I know there are other books in the series. If you’ve read on and it gets better let me know. (I know no one has gotten this far reading this but still)
How well it helped me forget: 4/10
Rating explanation: This one was disappointing because I loved Priory of the Orange Tree so much. This book did not distract me from my griddlehark or barhu feels. There’s also a character named Warden so I thought about SexPal a lot.
Similar themes: enemies to lovers, ghosts, possession, queer but only background characters
****The Unspoken Name - A.K. Larkwood
Summary: A girl is in an isolated cult that wants her to die as a sacrifice (sound familiar?). A definitely not evil wizard helps her escape. She meets a cute necromancer who’s also kinda from a cult. She goes on some gay adventures, gets the help of a morally grey older necromancer (who I’m in love with), and fights with her frenemy.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: This is the most similar to TLT on this list. Gideon and Csorwe would be friends. Seriously I recommend this! And the second book comes out soon! And it’s not sad like TLT or Baru!
Similar themes: sword lesbian + necromancer dynamic, wlw enemies to lovers, cults, tombs, necromancy, character named “the sleeper”, also mlm
The Invisible Life of Addie Larue - V. E. Schwab
Summary: Adeline Larue made a deal with a demon in 1714 France, because she wanted to see the world and stuff. It backfires of course. She is immortal but no one remembers her. This causes all sorts of problems and makes her very angsty. The narrative flashes between her going through the years, and her falling in love with the only person who will remember her.
How well it helped me forget: 2/10
Rating explanation: I know people loved this book but I did not. I liked the last 50 pages, I’ll give it that. I wish it was more queer (it was a little queer).
Similar themes: as I said, a little wlw, immortality, demons, I guess falling in love with someone and them not remembering you now that I think about it
Sula - Toni Morrison
Summary: A story about two black women in the 1920’s-1960’s in an Ohio town. It is really great and interesting. It is a book about complicated female friendships (among so many other things that better writers not writing a list no one will read about their TLT feels have outlined) which I love. I was told I should read this after the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante and it did not disappoint. Same vibes.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: This was just a great book. Has really nothing to do with TLT
Similar themes: debatably queer
*Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red, Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy, Network Effect, - Martha Wells
Summary: Muderbot is an artificial construct who just wants to be left alone to watch tv, damnit! It doesn’t want to interact with humans, and it definitely does not want to talk about feelings. Too bad some humans want to become friends with it.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: These books were so good. They did help me forget! The books are really about having anxiety, making friends, and letting yourself have feelings. Also they are SO FUNNY. Highly recommend. In the way that I love Gideon’s POV, I love Murderbot’s POV
Similar themes: funny narrator, queer characters, space, people who don’t want to deal with their feelings being forced to deal with their feelings
*A Memory Called Empire - Arkady Martine
Summary: Mahit is sent a dangerous, evil empire to be an ambassador. Lots of beautiful writing about colonialism, assimilation, language, and culture.There is gay angst and funny characters. I am once again in love with a morally grey older woman character.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: Yes this book is great and did distract me from gtn (mostly. I did end up reading a great fanfic about wake, g1deon, and pyrrah in the middle but otherwise...). It is part of my holy trilogy of wlw books (this, baru, tlt) that I just read recently. The next book comes out on March 2nd so it will be a good distraction from waiting for Alecto. Like Baru, it made me feel like shit about colonialism but unlike the other two books in my trilogy (redacted but if you’ve read those books you know) didn’t happen. It had a not too sad ending.
Similar themes: see my venn diagram, but seriously what is going on with brain surgery in these books...
*The Luminous Dead - Cailtin Starling 9/10
Summary: A woman needs money and to get the money she goes on a risky cave dive. It turns out the only contact she has with the rest of the world is a woman who’s kinda a dick. It’s 400 pages of creepy cave diving and these two women talking to each other. It’s creepy and uncomfortable and I loved it. I did spend the whole book thinking it would be such a good story podcast.
How well it helped me forget: 10/10
Rating explanation: It did make me forget about tlt! There are some kinda boring parts but it pays off. The relationship between the two main characters is very interesting (though a bit fucked up).
Similar themes: wlw enemies to lovers, traumatised characters, shitty moms
#book recs#harrow the ninth#gideon the ninth#tlt#the locked tomb trilogy#fingersmith#the priory of the orange tree#the traitor baru cormorant#Baru cormorant#the monster baru cormorant#the tyrant baru cormorant#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#the ninth house#both ninth houses tbh#the unspoken name#a memory called empire#the luminous dead#no one will read this but it is for me!#my rankings
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My Top Ten Overlooked Movies With Female Leads In No Particular Order
Note: When you see this emoji (⚠️) I will be talking about things people may find triggering, which are spoilery more often then not. I mention things that I think may count as triggers so that people with them will be aware before going in to watch any of these.
Edited: 3/16/21
Hanna (2011)
So, before I get into why you should watch this movie, I just want to take a moment to say why it's near and dear to my heart. Growing up as a queer kid in the early 2000s, seeing portrayals of people like or similar to myself on anything was rare at best. It was mostly in more "adult" movies or shows that my parents would occasionally let me watch with them that I'd see any lgbtq+ rep at all. Often times they were either walking stereotypes, designed to be buried, evil, or all three.
Then here comes this PG-13 action thriller with a wonderfully written main female lead who, at the time, was close to my age, and who got to kiss another girl (her very first friend, Sophie) on screen in an extremely tender and heartwarming scene. To say the least, it was a life changing moment for me personally.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, Hanna is a suspenseful movie about a child super-soldier named, you guessed it, Hanna (played by Saoirse Ronan) and her adoptive (?) father Erik Heller (played by Eric Bana) exiting the snowy and isolated wilderness of their home and taking on the shadowy CIA operative, Marissa Wiegler (played by Cate Blanchette) who wants Erik dead and Hanna for herself for mysterious reasons.
It also has an amazing soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers, great action scenes, and it has an over arching fairytale motif, which I'm always a sucker for.
⚠️ Mild blood effects, some painful looking strikes, various character deaths, and child endangerment all feature in this film. However, given its PG-13 rating, a majority of viewers are presumably able to handle this one. Still, be aware of these going in.
Sidenote: It's recently gotten a TV adaptation on Amazon TV, although I have not watched it, and do not know if Hanna and Sophie's romantic/semi-romantic relationship has transferred over.
A Simple Favor
A Simple Favor is a "black-comedy mystery thriller" centered entirely around the relationship between two mothers, the reclusive, rich, mysterious, and regal Emily (played by Blake Lively), and the local recently widowed but plucky mommy blogger, Stephanie (played by Anna Kendrick). When Emily suddenly goes missing, Stephanie takes it upon herself to find out what happened to her new best friend.
It's a fantastic and entertaining movie throughout, with fun, flawed and interesting characters. The relationship between the two female leads is also implied to be at least somewhat romantic in nature, and they even share a kiss.
⚠️ The only major warnings I can think of is that the movie contains an instance of incest and one of the main plotlines revolves around child abuse, although both of these potentially triggering topics are not connected to each other, so there is thankfully no csa going on.
Edit: I legitimately forgot there was drug use in this movie until now. So, yeah, if that's a trigger, be careful of that.
I Am Mother
I became mildly obsessed with this movie when it came out. I Am Mother is a sci-fi film that centers entirely around a cast of two woman, and a female-adjacent robot who is brought to life on screen with absolutely amazing practical effects.
The plot is such, after an extinction-level event, a lone robot known only as Mother tasks herself with replenishing the human race via artifical means. She begins with the film's main protagonist, Daughter. Years go by as Mother raises her human child and the two prepare for Daughter's first sibling (a brother) to be born. However, on Daughter's 16th birthday, the arrival of an outsider known only as Woman shakes Daughter's entire world view. She begins to question Mother's very nature, as well as what's really going on outside the bunker she and her caretaker call home.
⚠️ This movie features child endangerment and reference to child death.
Lilo and Stitch
When I decided to add a single Disney film to this list I initially thought it was going to be hard but almost immediately my brain went to Lilo and Stitch, and specifically about the relationship between Lilo and Nani.
On the surface, this film is about a lonely little girl accidentally adopting a fugitive alien creature as a "dog," but underneath that the story is also about two orphaned sisters and the older sister's attempts to not let social services tear them apart by stepping up as the younger sister's primary guardian. Despite its seemingly goofy premise, Lilo and Stitch has a very emotional and thoughtful center. It's little wonder how this movie managed to spawn an entire franchise.
Despite the franchise it spawned (or possibly because of it), I often find that Lilo and Stitch is overlooked and many people only remember it for the "little girl adopts an alien as a pet" portion of its plot, and I very rarely see it on people's top 10 Disney lists.
⚠️ This movie could be potentially triggering to people who were separated from their siblings or other family members due to social service intervention. There's also a bit of child endangerment, including a scene where Lilo and Stitch both almost drown.
Nausicaä and the Valley of the Wind
Unlike the above entry, I did struggle a little bit with picking a single Studio Ghibli film. Most media of the Ghibli catalogue have strong, well-written, unique, and interesting female leads so selecting just one seemed like quite the task.
However, I eventually settled on this particular film. In recent months, Princess Nausicaä has become my absolute favorite Ghibli protagonist and I'm absolutely enchanted by the world she lives in.
Set in a post-apocalyptic world overun by giant insects and under threat of a toxic forest and its poisoness spores, Nausicaä must try to protect the Valley of the Wind from invaders as she also tries to understand the science behind the toxic forest and attempts to bridge the gap between the insects and the humans.
For those who have never seen the film, I think Nausicaä's personality can best be described as being similar to OT Luke Skywalker. Both are caring, compassionate, and gentle souls who are able to see the best in nearly anyone or anything. She's an absolutely enthralling protagonist and after rewatching the film again for the first time in well over a decade she has easily become one of my all time favorite protagonists.
Whenever I see people talk about Ghibli films, they rarely mention this one, and when they do mention it, it's often in passing. In my opinion it's a must watch.
⚠️ This movie contains some blood, and the folks who either don't like insects or who have entomophobia may not appreciate the giant bugs running about throughout the movie. (Although most insects do not directly relate to real life bugs, and are fantasy creatures).
A Silent Voice
A Silent Voice is an animated movie adaptation of a manga of the same name. While I've never had the pleasure to read the manga, the movie is phenomenal. It covers topics such a bullying, living in the world with a disability, the desire for atonement, social anxiety, and depression in a well thought out manner that ties itself together through the progression of the relationship between its two leads, Shoya and Shouko. It's also beautifully animated. Although very popular among anime viewers, I've noticed that it's often overlooked by people who watch little to no anime. So I suppose this is me urging non-anime viewers to give this film a chance.
⚠️ As mentioned above, the movie deals with bullying, anxiety, and depression (with this last one including suicidal thoughts and behaviour). If discussion of those topics are triggering to you, than you may want to proceed with caution or skip this movie all together.
In This Corner of The World
Another manga adaptation, this one taking place during WWII-era Japan. In This Corner of The World follows the life of a civilian Japanese woman, Suzu Urano, as she navigates simply living and her new marriage as the wartime invades nearly all aspects of everyday life. I think this movie is a good representation of what it must be like to be living as civilian in a country at war where the fight is sometimes fought on one's own soil. It was also an interesting look into pre-50s Japanese culture in my opinion. It's also beautifully animated featuring an art style I don't see often.
Despite it being well known among anime fans, I never really see it be brought up, even among said anime fans themselves.
Side note: I've seen many WWII dramas centering around civilians but they've almost always been about American or UK civilians. This was the first movie I'd seen that features the perspective of a Japanese civilain.
⚠️ Features the death of a child and limb loss. There's also a disturbing scene featuring a victim of one of the atomic bombs near the end.
Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki
This film follows Hana, a Japan-native woman who fell in love with a magical shape-shifting wolf-man, and her trials with raising their children, who can also magically shape-shift into wolves, on her own. It's a very heartfelt movie about a mother's love and the struggles of doing right by your children when you have limited resources to actively guide and care for them. All the characters feel unique and alive in my opinion. Also, the animation is so good that my sister and I initially mistook it for a Ghibli film.
Again, like the previous two anime entries, I don't see it ever brought up outside of anime circles.
⚠️ There's some child endangerment present in the film, although none of it is the fault of Hana as far as I can remember.
Roman Holiday
Roman Holiday is about the fictional Princess Ann (played by Audrey Hepburn), who while on a whirlwind tour of Europe, finally reaches her breaking point over having her entire life be one big schedule and all her words and actions being rehearsed. In the spur of the moment, she runs away in hopes of experiencing what life is like for other women. Unfortunately, she was previously given a sedative, meaning she doesn't get too far before it takes effect. Fortunately, she is found by the kind reporter Joe Bradley (played by Gregory Peck). Believing her to be drunk and unable to get an address from her (because she has none) he ends up taking her home for safety's sake and allows her to sleep off her suppose drunken stupor. The next day, he realizes who she is, and decides to take her on a fun sight seeing trip across Rome in hopes of getting the big scoop. Along the way, they begin to fall for each other.
This is my favorite black and white, old romance film. I think the relationship between the main characters is absolutely beautiful and I have a lot of fun watching it.
⚠️ I'm not entirely sure what kind of warning this film would need. However, it was released in 1953, so values dissonance will probably be at play for many viewers to at least some extent. For example, early in the film Ann is given sedation drugs by her doctor for her behavior, something that is very unlikely to happen today. Also, Mr Bradley deciding to take Ann home to keep her safe rather than call the police or an ambulance is a very pre-90s decision in my opinion.
#hanna 2011#a simple favor#i am mother#lilo and stitch#nausicaä of the valley of the wind#a silent voice#in this corner of the world#wolf chilren ame and yuki#wolf children#roman holiday#black and white film#anime#disney#studio ghibli#movie recs#top 10
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“This Isn’t Love” - Edward Cullen x Reader
Request: Okay let’s hurt Edward feelings, we all know he was toxic and Bella fell into it which then again she’s toxic too sooo, how about a writing where Edward is doing the same thing he did to reader and they snap at him calling him out on his shit about how it’s not okay to keep her away from her friends and family and they get into argument and it comes to the point where she tells him to leave and until he changes himself to stay away from her whether or not they make up is up to you! Go crazy😤
Reader leaves Edward and ends up with mystery character
just a heads up for you all
I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Wondering how my life turned into what it was.
The stress of Edward’s constant overprotective, and seemingly obsessive and controlling, state was growing to be too much. The infatuation and love I had for him at the beginning of our relationship was fading as things progressed.
After he left me for months, I went all the way to Italy to save him. I faced the Volturi head on, just to save his life. I still loved him, but while he was gone I was able to spend time with my best friends at La Push-- something he wouldn’t ever let me do. He said they were “dangerous” now.
Whatever that meant, I didn’t care. Edward wouldn’t let me see anyone except for him, my family, or his family. I loved and adored the way his family treated me, but it was just all too much.
While Edward was gone, taking a piece of my heart with him, I spent a lot of time in isolation. I didn’t feel real anymore, nothing did. Until my dad told me to go down to La Push and hang out with my old friends. While I missed everyone, it almost felt scary at first. I was going to see all my friends, and my childhood crush that ran well into my teens, until Edward came along. Thankfully, Edward not being able to read my mind helped greatly, he didn’t need another reason to berate them. For quite some time, I never understood what set them all so apart from each other, what caused hatred for each other to run through their veins.
I later learned that all of the Quileute legends that Billy spoke about were real-- it was all real. After Harry Clearwater passed away, I unfortunately never got to see Leah anymore after the funeral, but something about her was off. She looked like she was about to burst at any moment and left in a worse mood than she entered with. Even Seth, the ball of sunshine himself. While I knew they were devastated at the passing of their father, I knew deep down that wasn’t it. They were going to phase.
But right after the funeral, I had to save Edward from exposing himself in Volterra, killing himself in the process. Alice saw me die when I tried cliff jumping with Paul and Jared, not realizing that they saved me from drowning. I guess they couldn’t be seen in her visions. Alas, it was too late when Alice visited me to see if I was alive, Rosalie already told Edward that I had died, Jacob then confirming it at my house without my knowledge.
Jacob begged me not to leave, but I couldn’t let someone I had loved so much die, especially when it was at my expense. And with that, Alice and I were off, leaving a disappointed Jacob standing in the road.
Going to Volterra was an absolutely insane trip. I never felt so many people in one room that wanted to kill me. After having us all threatened, facing some assault on Edward’s end, things seemed to be okay. For just a little bit.
Edward forbade me to see Jacob, never allowing me to go to La Push to hang out with my fun-loving friends. I missed wrestling with Paul, talking about cars with Jake and Embry, and most of all laughing at all the dumbasses with my best friend Leah. I haven’t seen them in months. I missed them all so much.
Jacob, my best friend since childhood. I loved hanging out with him and all of his friends while it lasted. When we were kids, life was great. Before I wasn’t allowed to see them, I had more fun than I ever thought possible. His friends even brought me a great joy, especially one I had grown my surprising crush on.
My feelings for Edward dwindling by the moment, feeling more like an object than a girlfriend. While I did love him intensely for the beginning of our relationship, his leaving and Volturi stunt created an enormous wedge in the relationship. I was sick of feeling controlled, I was sick of what we had become. I was no longer my own person anymore, every move of mine was watched-- granted it was for my own protection. The way he looks at me is obsessive, I was no longer lustfully blinded. I needed to end my relationship with Edward, I just didn’t know how. Was I bound to be with him forever? Was I bound to become a vampire after the Volturi’s threats? I was no longer sure. One thing I knew for certain, I was no longer in love with Edward for months. Something had to give.
I got up, looking at the clock next to my bed. Seeing it to be 10:00. I decided that I could do whatever I wanted to do. I was my own person, I could do what I wanted.
I walk out my front door and go to start my car, only for it not to work.
I try again, and no avail.
I heard a thump and suddenly Edward is next to me in my car.
“Please, it isn’t safe.” He murmurs.
“They would never hurt me. Wait, did you do this to my car?” I ask, getting louder by the second.
“I’m just trying to prot-”
“You are not trying to protect me. You’re controlling me!” I interrupt him.
“(Y/N), I can’t handle not knowing where you are. I need to know what you’re doing, I can’t protect you there.” He says in a disheveled tone.
“Edward, you don’t need to. They’ll protect me, none of them would ever hurt me. Ever. Matter of fact, they never up and left me when an inconvenience occurs. None of them try to control every single thing I do. They respect me as my own person. I’m not an object to them.”
“(Y/N), I love you.” He whispers.
“Don’t keep doing this to me. I can’t handle this anymore. This… this is too much. You took it too far. You don’t love me, this isn’t love.” I whisper.
“Don’t say that, you know I only do this to protect you.”
“You’re manipulating me! I haven’t been allowed to contact my friends for months. I haven’t been able to see anyone except for you and who you let me. I don’t want this. I don’t want you anymore. This isn’t love, this isn’t what I fell in love with.” I say powerfully.
“(Y/N), I can change.”
“No, you can’t. You won’t. You’ve said that before, you don’t mean it. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to.” I look into his eyes sternly, watching his eyes fill with rage, though his face mimicking one of despair.
“(Y/N), I won’t leave unless you tell me to.” He begs.
“Leave, Edward. Don’t come back.” I whisper.
He nods his head angrily.
“Don’t be surprised if you never see me again. I don’t even know why you ever came to Volterra to save me.” He spits, walking out of my car.
I lay my head against the steering wheel, finally feeling free.
Free to do what I want. I am myself once again.
I get out of my car, shaking slightly, and walk over to the front of my car.
I lift up the hood and see that Edward simply disconnected the battery.
“What an asshole.” I mutter to myself.
I connect the battery, thanking all the time I’ve spent in Jacob’s garage for teaching me more about cars than I ever thought I would care to know.
I got back into my car and drove to Sam Uley’s, knowing that I would be guaranteed to find some of the pack there, if not all of them.
I get out of my car and begin walking to the small house, hoping to see any of them.
I knock on the door, seeing the light peek through the door window.
Emily opens the door, smiling at me.
“Long time, no see.”
“I missed you guys.” My lip begins to quiver.
“Oh honey, come in.” She pulls me into the house, wrapping me in a tight hug.
I begin to sob, not realizing nor caring who else was in the room.
“(Y/N), what happened? Is everything okay?” Seth asks, running up to me.
I look into his warm brown eyes, nodding.
“Now it is. I feel so free. I miss you all so much.” I sob, walking into his arms.
After I pull away, I see Jacob and Paul sitting at the table, stunned at my appearance.
I sit down, explaining everything. How Edward kept tabs on everything I did, forbidding me to contact or see them, watching and controlling my every action. How he tried to stop me from coming here by disconnecting my car battery, assuming I wouldn’t know better.
“I should kill him.” Jacob seethed.
Paul nodding angrily.
“I think we should.” He agrees.
Seth looks down, rubbing circles in my back.
“Do you think he’s going to come back for you?” Seth asks me.
“No, I don’t think so. I’m more worried about the Volturi. But I don’t know if they would simply kill them instead of me, I don’t know.”
“Well, you have us. We won’t let anything happen to you.” Paul puts a warm, comforting hand on my shoulder.
Emily brings me over a cup of hot chocolate, sitting beside me.
“We’ll have to tell Sam when he gets back from patrol with the rest of the pack.” She places her hand over mine at the table.
“You should stay with us for a while.” Jacob suggests, earning a collective nod from the whole group.
“I can’t wait to see everyone else.” I give a weak smile, earning one mirroring back from the rest of the group.
“I know, we all missed the hell out of you. We were wondering what happened, but we couldn’t check on you with them around.” Jacob says.
“They’ll probably leave again.” Emily suggests.
And while I would miss Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle-- I knew it was what was for the best. I felt like this was my first breath of fresh air after drowning for months on end.
Suddenly, the door opens and all of us turn our attention to those walking in.
I look and see Sam, Quil, Jared, and Leah walking into the house.
I observed all of their shocked, yet excited faces… until my eyes met Leah’s.
I felt all of the air leave my lungs, the world stopped spinning around me.
If this meant what I thought it did, then my childhood crush had just imprinted on me.
“Hey. It’s been forever.” I breathe out, a small smile forming on my lips.
Leah looked like she had just seen a ghost, her mouth slightly agape.
“Hey. I missed you.” She smiles.
Quil looks between us with wide eyes, smiling like a maniac.
It happened, this is what was supposed to happen. Things finally made sense.
Jacob, who always knew about my feelings for Leah, smiled to himself. Low and behold, he had also known about Leah’s feelings for me that she had been hiding for quite some time, herself.
“I missed you, too.”
________________________
Word Count: 1899
#edward cullen#edward cullen x reader#esme cullen#carlisle cullen#Emmett Cullen#rosalie hale#alice cullen#jasper hale#bella swan#leah clearwater#seth clearwater#paul lahote#embry call#quil ateara#jared cameron#jacob black#sam uley#twilight x reader#leah clearwater x reader
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so thanks to hboMAX my pretty little liars obsession has started up again and when i watched pll the first time all the way thru (yes sadly it’s been more than once i have a life but also don’t) my favorite character was alison. as i’ve watched it more it changed (emily or spencer is prob my fav now) but going through tumblr, instagram, and even pinterest, i feel alison gets too much shit/hate from the fandom. so here i am, making a justification for her. if you really don’t want to see my side or pov then just keep scrolling because i don’t really want to see negativity in the comments (unless you’ll actually say something, a rebuttal?)
so let’s start off with alison being a small child and her household/family. we know how her parents would manipulate her and tell her lying is better than telling the truth. she’s had these really bad influences on her at such a young age (with secrets overflowing her house) and when you continue to have these influences on you as you’re mind is maturing, of course you’re going to eventually go through with them. now yes i know the other girls also had lying parents but were any of them as bad as alisons? i mean some things spencer’s parents kept and arias but they were also older at that point (middle of high school and up). i’m not saying it’s okay but they knew at that point in their life what’s wrong and right and for the most part they had been raised to not lie. alison wasn’t. eventually her lies caught up to her as well so even though she learned the hard way to tell the truth, she eventually did.
now we’re getting into the high school stage where there were MANY points as to why she would’ve ran away. if the writers wanted a better redemption arc for her i feel they would’ve shown her a little more broken in some scenes and such but anyways. freshman year isn’t absolute hell but it’s not fun either. having the mindset of making sure you’re not the one who will get hurt obviously forces you to have this wall and makes you a lot more mean than you really are. (i really feel this was a wasted potential by the writers not going more in depth about her mental pain but shit they didn’t do it with anyone tbh). her whole life kinda had build ups to her being so secretive and closed away (again if the writers went into more depth on this we would’ve seen maybe some trauma that causes her to be closed off and push everyone away. not wanting to show weaknesses) from everyone so it definitely wasn’t hard for her to find that bitchier side and let it off on everyone, not that it’s right, it just made her feel safe and protected. a main factor of this was probably being closeted. i myself am a bisexual girl so i know how it feels to question yourself the way she most likely did. it’s scary. really fucking scary. because you don’t know if there’s something wrong with you at first or if it’s just a stage and you’ll most likely pass it. it’s why i believe her relationship with emily was why she had no big deal leaving rosewood. yes we know she was being tormented by A before the girls were and she wanted to leave so she could be safe. but even with that there would need to be some other factors that kicked in to her actually leaving. A in the beginning for JUST alison was kinda like a bully right? i mean a little more extreme than that but it wasn’t as bad as it was when it started hitting with the other 4 girls. so if alison THE alison dilaurentis was being bullied by someone too scared to show who they really are, wouldn’t she just laugh some of it off? alison WANTED to leave before mona gave her the option. she was scared. and not just of A, but of who she was. and who she loves.
if we’re looking at what alison does for emily versus the other girls while they’re being tormented by A, you can tell she cares for her more. she saved emily more than anyone else. she said leaving emily was the hardest part of it all. because alison was in love with emily, just like emily was in love with her back. obviously running away and faking your death isn’t the best option for having internal panics, some people just don’t know how to manage it. especially being the bold person everyone sees and talks about. imagine seeing her walk out of some therapy session teary-eyed. she’d feel so weak in that moment, so vulnerable. isn’t that one of her biggest fears? people seeing she’s not as strong as she comes off to be and they can use that against her. her fear for being vulnerable also brings me to her being SO scared coming back to school after faking her death. ali, the queen bee, is terrified. this kinda brings to me childhood pain (personally this is why i thought of it lol rip). maybe her family thought showing emotions was weakness you know? and when you open up they kinda laugh at you and they’re like “you think you’re life is hard?? you’re a kid.” (i’m sure i’m not the only person who’s heard this mf bullshit bedore). where i’m going with that though, is it could’ve been placed in her head at a very young age (also this is so dehumanizing and traumatic damn but it makes sense) that you have to shut out all feelings and emotions. it really makes people numb and being emotionally numb as a child and teen is dangerous for brain growth and development. makes sense why it took her forever to feel safe and okay opening up to emily about her feelings and showing emotions around the girls. when you’re seen as this “bitch” who doesn’t make down from a fight, it forces you to turn emotionless.
so the way she acted out the night she went missing and her freshman year wasn’t ideal and it really wasn’t okay. but the audience never saw what she was going through mentally, hell even after that. we see it a little when she comes back and talks about the night she went missing. imagine your own mother burrying you alive. god the trauma that must STILL have on her. being under pounds of dirts, unable to move or talk. your own mother doing this to you to save someone else. i’m not trying to put it as she’s only been through things and no one else has cus of course that’s not the case. i just think people often dismiss her pain and trauma and just say “she’s a bad person and deserves the shit she’s been through.”
i’d also like to add her type of crowd she was around wasn’t the best sort of people. imagining being a freshman and hanging out with college kids who would throw some girl down a flight of stairs. i feel like that also had an impact on her mental health and what she believed was okay to an extent because i mean verbally bullying isn’t okay but at least sis never pushed someone down the stairs 😭 (worst thing she did is definitely blinding jenna. i really don’t know how to defend her actions for that one. you could say she didn’t know anyone was in there? or that she didn’t know she had- it was a firework right?)
last point i can think of: paige vs alison. of course i have to add this lol but my main point with this is both girls were mean to each other. did alison start it by calling her names and such? most definitely. do i think paige should’ve retaliated? to an extent. but she went as far as teaming up with others to have alison go to jail for a crime she didn’t commit. their revival wasn’t just one sided and again i think people often forget that. they’re continuously like going against each other at every chance they got. it was funny but also got annoying. ali would shit talk to paiges face then paige would go whine and cry about it to emily to turn emily on her side. i mean did we forget paige manipulated emily against alison? (yes ik alison was the manipulation queen when she was younger). really what i’m going with this is that they’re more alike than they’ll admit to an extent. me personally, i like alison and emison more. i never really liked paily but paige grew less annoying in later seasons. but when comparing them, i believe paige had more damage on emily than alison did. even when alison was ‘dead’ she still saved emily’s life at times (including the other 3 girls) and did things to protect them. i don’t remember paige saving emily just trying drowning her because she was a little jealous. another thing i know someone will try to bring up about them is how “alison was never happy for emily” well shit bro neither was paige 😭 i’m on season 7 right now and there were some times paige took a liking into stalking emily while she was dating that girl who worked in the cafe (sorry i can’t remember her name rn). and when emily talked about being with that girl she was kinda like 😐 k. alison is the type to speak or show her mind while paige seems to keep to herself then shit talk others behind their back. both qualities aren’t exactly the best so both ‘sides’ can go against each other for years on this. they’re just more alike than people realize.
anyways, there’s that. if you have any opinions (WHERE YOU’LL ACTUALLY ARGUE SOMETHING AND NOT JUST SHIT TALK ME!!) feel free to leave a reply. and if i left out something you want me to add in i will :) have a good day <3
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