#and went oh yeah I’m gonna fuck with this shithead

[whatohitsonfirewelp]

Bringing this back because of the show

You know while I do think Percy is incredibly powerful I still don’t think Ares was going full out when he fought Percy in the first book.

Like Percy was so unbelievably inexperienced still, it makes zero sense that he’d be able to pretty much beat a god when he still had trouble with monsters.

Like, yes he was by the ocean which absolutely helped him and he absolutely did better than most demigods would but I also think Ares was fucking with him.

This is the god of war, he wants Percy angry. He wants him bloodthirsty and to be a fucking true beast while fighting. But I don’t think he’s ever intended to kill him then, Percy was still a child of one of the big three and Zeus would be upset if only because he didn’t get to do it himself. We know all of them (particularly the sons) are fearful of Zeus.

Like I definitely don’t think he expected Percy to do that well and have that much power but at the end of the day I truly believe Ares was not giving it his all and was mostly fucking with Percy for shits and giggles.

Now, I definitely believe Percy could beat him in a fight now or at least get very close to it with Ares going full out. But then? Nah, Ares saw a chance to mess with a moody sarcastic little shit of a twelve year old and took it

[oimitocat]

STRAY KIDS REACTION….

… to boyfriend!reader being angry and they find it hot (nsfw warning) (hyung line!)

ᡴꪫ CHAN… was extremely similar to you. you’re a lay-backed person, sure sometimes you have episodes where you’re not exactly in the mood to socialize but still, you’re charismatic and let things slide more than he does. you always say it’s because you don’t have energy to entertain that stuff.

yet, seeing you angry — TRULY angry, was something he’d never think he’d get to see. so color him surprised when he hears you shout and pace. the furrow of your brows, your darkened eyes. you looked… good. that tone, he’d never heard it and… it stirred something in the pit of his stomach.

“something wrong?” he asks after a while of eye fucking you.

“company said i need to go on a damn hiatus because some shitheads are spreading a rumor. i could care less, why do they have to make it seem like i’m anxious or whatever?”

chan blinks. “rumor?”

“yeah, super stupid. all i did was call them to say i wasn’t happy with how our last show ended. dude, they literally couldn’t get my headset to work, i had to wing the timing and stuff. their lack of work effort pisses me off.” you groan.

“i know but…” chan pauses when you glare at him. he swallows, “hey, i mean a hiatus is good. you get to rest.”

“i don’t want to rest-“

“i get to have you all to myself without worrying about you missing out on your schedule.”

“if you’re bored, play with me. if you’re angry, take it out on me. you’ll have all the time to do so.” he grins.

you blink, “i- what?” and you can’t even be angry anymore… just frustrated. but chan will also take that.

ᡴꪫ MINHO… had the habit of annoying you and frustrating you sometimes, but never actually making you angry. as idol’s there is a lot of things that can drive you mad. minho for example hates wardrobe malfunctions. fans went crazy over some clips of him angry and upset over a few outfits and so have you.

you never really cared for much, at the end of the day you get a nice paycheck and you’re good to go. still, that doesn’t mean you don’t care about your job. so when he sees that your mic isn’t working and you’re more than upset at the lack of resolve from the sound techs…. he simply cannot look away.

even when you get off the stage, you’re glaring and absolutely not in the mood. everything you do is with anger— ripping off your headset, wiping off your sweat, loosening your outfit. goodness, you look delectable.

“you mad?” he asks teasingly, of course he has to tease.

“i’m not in the mood minho.”

oh! that anger had a pretty tone. “fuck,” he breathes out, pressing himself closer to you, “you gonna take it out on me?” and your eyes bored into him.

he definitely didn’t regret it later.

ᡴꪫ CHANGBIN…. didn’t know you could get angry. he’s only seen you be all soft and gushy. he’s seen you be defensive and stern but never angry. he’s literally making his way to the studio when he hears your voice boom outside the door. worried, he walks in and sees how your standing and yelling at the other producer.

“what’s-?”

“-how long it’s taken us to keep these files and you forget to save them?!”

the producer fidgets, “doesn’t change have a copy? he always has a copy-“

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN THE COPY IS THE SAME AS WHAT WE WERE ADDING TO IT YESTERDAY! you can’t recreate something that was authentic!” you pace, pulling at your hair, “shit man, i worked so hard on that!”

“y/n calm down,” he tries, “what file is it-?”

“changbin, i literally cannot right now.” and you leave.

in the end the file wasn’t deleted, just misplaced in the wrong folder to which it was saved. still, the lack of clarity pissed you off. you didn’t want to work that day and changbin was trying so hard to coax you. yet, seeing you mad was so good for some reason. changbin knew he could make you feel better (totally not feeling you with his hands? and you being angry was making things fun.

ᡴꪫ HYUNJIN…. doesn’t remember a time where you’ve been angry. he’s also never even wanted to. he doesn’t like noise and he remembers how you always say you blow up when angry. hence, when he hears you slam your fist on the desk, he jumps. you’re dramatic like him, so he tried not to think much of it except…

“are you kidding me?” he hear you say with an ominous tone. low and sultry, makes him pause. “so you’re saying that you’re wasting my damn time.”

he peeks over at, seeing you frown and glare at the wall while on the phone. he doesn’t think he’s ever seen that look on you… his mind starts to wander…. would that expression look at him? you’re talking, angry, clearly. and it’s so…

“why are you angry?” he asks when you hang up with an insult and throw your phone of the desk.

“cus apparently i have to do everything myself. why the hell would you-“ and he zones out, watching your angrily rant.

you plop down on the chair, angry. he stands and walks over to you, desire in his gut. “baby don’t be mad…” “well i wouldn’t if they did what i was paying them to do.” “-let’s get your mind off that, yeah?”

and boy did he.

[piratefishmama]

Beware The Thorns | Part 1

(a NSFW multi-part ficlet)

“Who was that Eds?”

“Mind your business, shithead” Eddie pocketed his phone, he recognised the number the moment it flashed up on his work phone, a device he always had on him regardless of where he was, he could be at a FUNERAL, and he’d have that phone on him.

In this instance however, it was merely a family dinner. Well… family and the Henderson’s, so yeah. Family. He’d excused himself upstairs and answered as soon as he was out of earshot.

Evidently, he’d been followed.

“I heard you say you loved them… are you seeing someone?” Eddie tried really hard to not be insulted by his tone, a weird mixture of disturbed amazement, with just a dash of disbelief for flavour. Was it that much of a stretch to see him dating someone?

Was it that unbelievable to the person he’d practically grown up with, that he could find someone who’d like him?

Maybe it was. Didn’t mean he had to like it; his job had kept him away from actually… dating anyone.

“Maybe I am, again, mind your damn business.” Of course they didn’t know what he was, what he did to earn his money, he’d spun some lie years ago about an online business because ‘rockstar’ had to… actually have evidence, he had an actual legitimate website to keep the lie going, nothing ever really went through it, but… it worked to keep the questions at bay.

Nobody asked, and he didn’t tell, he was a grown ass adult, he didn’t NEED to tell anyone.

Dustin sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat, good… he’d have never gotten anything out of him anyway “fine, fine don’t tell me… don’t tell meee, your only brother.”

“We’re not even relat—”

“The best man at your future wedding.”

“Since when was I getting marri—”

“The Wan Kenobi to your Obi.”

“What the—”

“I am happy for you though, the both of you! I hope you’ll bring him home someday, I’m sure we’d all like to meet him” Eddie’s eyes widened… he’d never… fuck … he’d never said anyth— “What, you think you’re all crafty? C’mon Eddie, you can’t even sit normally.”

“The fuck has that got to do with anything?!”

“Y’know… gay people… they can’t sit properly… in chairs…? Is that wrong?” at least that proved that Dustin could be uncertain about some things.

“You’ve been on that stupid app again, haven’t you?” He had the decency to look guilty at the very least. “The fuck have I told you?”

“It’s dumb and addictive and I should stop, BUT IT’S HELPING ME LEARN!”

“It’s filling your head with bullshit! Fine, I’m gay, what the fuck ever. Go back downstairs for the love of all that is holy, and just give me a minute to process that you’ve been theorising my sexuality based on how I sit, and don’t you DARE tell anyone.”

“Oh, c’mon Eddie! You’re old enough to come out now, you have your own place, your own business! Plus, we all love you, no judgement here, this is a judgy free zone.”

“I will rip out your larynx and shove it up your ass if you even THINK of telling them.”

“But… how will you know if i’m thi—okay I won’t say anything, i wouldn't say anything. Not my place.” Eddie had levelled him with a look, a single, rage squint look, a look which promised imminent pain if he did not take his nosy ass and remove it from his presence, and he’d accepted that look for what it was. A promise.

Not just a threat.

“I’m gonna have to go early, my… my boyfriend, will be home tonight, the ridiculous idiot never has food in so I’m gonna go sort that out.”

“You’re buying his food for him? Eddie… that’s… he’s not just using you for money is he cause that’s really bad.”

“No dumbass, he’ll give it me back.”

“Right away?”

“YES, right away.”

“Not just promises he doesn’t intend to keep?”

“Dustin, I will brutally murder each and every one of your characters in graphic detail within five minutes of every campaign for the next year if you do not—”

“Okay!” Hands up in surrender, Dustin took a step backwards, a threat to his precious characters was no laughing matter, even if Eddie would struggle to make that kind of threat happen, the risk was there! He still had to ask “is… is he good though?” Of course, Eddie could threaten all he liked.

Dustin was his little brother, or as good as! It was his job to be insufferable.

The question however, made him think, he could pick any of them, any one of his clients to mould this imaginary boyfriend from, maybe mix and match, bring him to life from attributes of all of them, that’d be fine right? Nobody but Dustin really knew he was dating so… he wouldn’t be introducing them to him.

Perfectly coiffed brown hair… a warm smile… big, strong hands, a constellation of pretty moles dotted in places Eddie knew far too well. There was no amalgamation of faces, no mixture of personalities to make the perfect one, just a soft smile, warm hands, broad shoulders, muscle, and perfectly soft, thick brown hair… his favourite.

“Yeah… he’s… he’s great, Dustin… you’d like him” big strong softie he was, and it was so easy falling into the role of his boyfriend too, he’d been paying for that package for what felt like forever, he felt like he knew the man inside and out, like the back of his own hand.

He was the only one to have paid for that package continuously for over more than a few months, even Hagan only paid for it every now and then, never continuously. He thought Steve would have gotten tired of him by now but… It’d been two years.

Some people expected MARRIAGE after two years in a relationship.

Steve Harrington seemed to want him more and more by the day and the surprising thing, was that the thought didn’t invoke the same level of panic that he were SURE it would if anyone else were to have those wants, those needs of him.

He felt… comfortable with Steve, safe with him. Like he could show hints of himself, the real himself without the fear of losing him, of putting him off.

“You look so dopey smiling like that, y’know? You must really like him, huh?” He’d been smiling? Fuck… “Well… anyone who can make you smile like that just thinking about him is alright by me, I’ll cover for you, you can go sort his food out if you want.”

This was fine… totally completely fine. Would be better if Dustin could actually keep his mouth shut but alas. Dustin had a history of foot in mouthisms that'd gotten them into trouble after trouble after trouble years on the trot.

Eddie probably shouldn't have continued to tell him stuff, but that was his little brother so. He had to.

“Uh… yeah… yeah I like him. Thanks, I’ll… grab my coat, just tell em I feel sick or somethin so I’m goin home” he didn’t say goodbye, Dustin probably did that for him, just grabbed his coat and snuck out like he used to do as a teenager when he simply couldn’t be bothered dealing with his fathers drunk ranting about queers being put in cages.

He did have to come to one very unfortunate conclusion after that conversation though. After seeing Steve instead of a mishmash of faces, after being unable to put a random face to the title and spin it as truth.

Feelings were there. Real feelings. The mushy shit. The wants for more that he couldn’t have. The Pretty Woman syndrome without the corny and frankly rushed happy ending.

It couldn’t continue anymore, what he had with Steve had to end. Feelings… real feelings… he couldn’t have real feelings for his clients. It put his whole career on the line, his way of life gone in an instant all because his heart had to go all gooey for someone who probably didn’t even give a real fuck about him.

This was fine.

After the evening was done… he’d end it, terminate their contract. It was for the best. Steve deserved better than him anyway.

Part 3

[zabala0z]

Welcome back to “I’m listening to season 2 of The Magnus Archives and yeah it’s official, season 2 is currently my favorite season”

Surprisingly some tamer episodes. By tame, I mean I didn’t shriek and pause every 5 minutes. Though some characters popped up again which I was excited about like yay reoccurring characters!

MAG 48:

Not much to note. But Gerard Keay appearance! Or maybe appearance since the man didn’t give a name but come on, he had long black hair, that’s Gerard. I was pretty happy he helped out Andrea. Like it’s clear Gerard knows some stuff but he doesn’t use his knowledge to harm people, he uses it to help them and for that, I am so thankful there’s one character in confident in. Okay not confident. I don’t wanna say anything or God forbid, someone is going to die or get “replaced”

He also said she was marked, whatever that means. I’ll prob figure it out later

MAG 49: The Butchers Window

All Pryor wanted to do was to get that bag 🫡 Also Jared Hopworth appearance! Low key I forgot about him until the name Jared was mentioned and then I was like “oh that’s that weirdo from the bone turners tale”. I had to read over the transcripts from that to refresh my memory and man, he was a shithead from the beginning. Also I like the signs showing of him testing his power like on that deflated rat (which might’ve been his pet?? It was implied the rat looked like a pet so I’m assuming it was Jared) and maybe his mom. Also totally screwed up that he (presumably on my end) killed Sebastian. Like they were childhood friends man 💀

But I find it hilarious that he used his power to steal bones from other people and make himself as tall and buff as possible.

MAG 50: Foundations

Not much to note. I usually zone out more during the old timey statements but I got the general idea. Robert Smirke appeared again, I’m wondering what’s his deal. They say his buildings have a higher percentage of supernatural occurrences and he was rumored to have suspicious religious values so my theory is that he did some deal with something and now his buildings are just fucking like that. Also he said like “Balance, Equilibrium. The hardest thing for an architect to achieve. Symmetry is easy, but does not, in and of itself, result in balance. To stir, yada, yada” so this guy is already a little weird.

Also Tim congratulating Jon is the funniest thing ever wtf. “Don’t worry, I’m cool. 😏😏😏 good luck boss” like god. I mean supportive friend???? I guess??? 😭

MAG 51: High Pressure

God I hate the ocean. On another note, Simon Fairchild is back. When Jon said the case number, I had to go through the transcripts to figure out when he appeared before (thankful I understand the very confusing system) and he was in Freefall!

Anyways, looking back, this guy is definitely evil. This like 85 year old has evil schemes to make people go through an open area of sky or ocean like bro. In Freefall, the instructors name was Harriett Fairchild so I’m assuming she was in on it or like related to him. For gods sake, Simon said to Robert, “enjoy sky blue” like this man is a bastard. He knew what was happening. And he did say something to Antonia before he went down which I’m gonna assume “enjoy ocean blue” or shit like that. I hate him. And it’s definitely not because I hate being alone and open spaces.

Also another thing to note; fake Sasha. She’s been staring at that table. Jon described it as a fractal and she described it as a web. Both things that have been brought up a couple times in this podcast. I had to search up fractals to figure out what it was. That one guy I think in “Burned Out”, his dad was super obsessed with fractals. I don’t know how it ties into the plot but they do in some way. Also Gerard Keay made that eye painting that was described to get more intricate and minuscule which I think is a fractal?? Again, I have no idea.

Jon said “Sasha” has been going to a wax museum during her extra long lunch breaks. I got no theories why because what. Although it’s interesting because wax museums are replicants of real people most of the time and whatever that replaced Sasha is a replicant of a real person. So. Yeah no idea.

Anyways, I think that’s everything! They were some pretty calm episodes compared to the last couple ones which I’m grateful for

[shadowpeachceo]

Shadowpeach incorrect quotes

Sun Wukong: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, that’s gay.

Sun Wukong: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

Sun Wukong : Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Macaque: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously not the real me.

Macaque : As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Sun Wukong: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should get you to a healer for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Sun Wukong: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Macaque : But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Sun Wukong: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Macaque : Is it working?

Sun Wukong: Go fuck yourself.

Macaque, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Sun Wukong: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Macaque : This is a lie.

Macaque : I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Macaque : THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Macaque : Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Sun Wukong: AS ENEMIES again?!

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: What are you in the mood for?

Macaque : World domination.

Sun Wukong: That's a bit ambitious.

Macaque : You are my world.

Sun Wukong: Aww...

Macaque :

Sun Wukong:

Macaque :

Sun Wukong: OH.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: I feel like doing something stupid.

Brotherhood era Macaque : I’m stupid, do me.

Peng in the background: *wheeze*

Sun Wukong: Listen, we’re done, we’re over! Okay?

Macaque : Whatever bitch, you ain’t never gonna find no one like me.

Sun Wukong: Yeah, that's the point shithead!

Macaque : This date is boring!

Sun Wukong: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Macaque : Then why did you invite me?

Mk, who's only homophobic when it comes to Shadowpeach: he didnt, he specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sun Wukong I'll do whatever I want!"

Macaque, to Sun Wukong : We had a date!

Sun Wukong: *aggressively points to Bai he and the Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

Sun Wukong: Did it hurt when you fell-

Macaque : From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-

Sun Wukong: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Macaque to Mk : Sun Wukong is playing hard to get.

Macaque : Little do he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Sun Wukong: I have feelings for Macaque.

MK : Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Sun Wukong: Look, last night was a mistake.

Macaque : A sexy mistake.

Sun Wukong: No, just a regular mistake.

Macaque : There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

Sun Wukong: Nope, there's 26.

Macaque : Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

Sun Wukong: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Macaque : You'll get the D later ;).

MK in the distance : Ugh!!!!

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: Macaque and I are no longer dating.

Brotherhood era Macaque : peaches, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re Mated.

Sun Wukong: Fight me!

Macaque : *gets on one knee and pulls out a ring*

Macaque : Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Sun Wukong: Macaque , you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?

Macaque , naked in Sun Wukong's bed: No, I absolutely do not.

Sun Wukong, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Sun Wukong: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Macaque : Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Sun Wukong: ...

Sun Wukong: You mean ring bearER, right?

Macaque : ...

Sun Wukong: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Sun Wukong: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Macaque : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Sun Wukong: I said within reason, Macaque . How about I murder that guy?

Macaque : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Sun Wukong: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Brotherhood era Macaque, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong, confused: I mean, this is my mountain, so yeah.

Macaque : Sun Wukong, you love me, right?

Sun Wukong: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Possessed Wukong: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Macaque : In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Possessed Wukong: I don't know, surprise me!

Macaque : You look good in that hoodie.

Sun Wukong: You know where else I'd look good?

Macaque , zero hesitation: My bed.

Sun Wukong, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Sun Wukong: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Macaque : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Sun Wukong: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Macaque : You always act stupid.

Macaque :

Macaque : Wait...

Sun Wukong: Wow, Macaque , you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Macaque : We literally slept together yesterday.

Sun Wukong: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Brotherhood era Macaque : We should be partners.

Brotherhood era Sun Wukong: You mean like, partners in crime?

Brotherhood era Macaque : Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

Sun Wukong: Bro-

Macaque : No, no, hold up, rewind.

Macaque : My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Macaque : Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Sun Wukong: Okay.

Macaque who, has never seen sharkboy and lavagirl : And make out during the scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Th-

Sun Wukong: The scary parts.

Sun Wukong: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Mei : Do you want to explain the text you sent Monkey King last night?

Macaque : It was autocorrect.

Mk: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me." To Monkey King?

Macaque : Yes.

Sun Wukong: Okay, but if your not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend?

Macaque : Dude- Its satire!

Sun Wukong: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

Macaque walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Sun Wukong, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Sun Wukong, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

[not-a-space-alien]

Magnanimous Moonrise & Savage Sunset Chapter 25MS

For this chapter, I thought it wouldn't add much to have two separate narratives. So this one is a fusion chapter! MM and SS are like this 🤝 Hope you enjoy!

Story masterpost

Note: this is NOT the end of the story, but we are getting close to a break in the narrative. I expect there will be 2-3 more chapters in this part!

Warnings for this chapter: Some casual misogyny, classism/racism(?) (if you consider "human" a race)

In this chapter: Getting away with murder, an important announcement from the director, and maybe possibly potentially getting through to a shithead teenage boy.

***

“Can we at least turn the television on, so he’s not just alone with his thoughts all day?”

Ari looked from Valen, sitting on the couch with a look of concern on his face, to Sebastian, still locked in the coffin nearby.  She sighed.  “All right, fine.”

Valen gave a joyous little wiggle, as though he really wanted to watch TV.

Ari took the remote and flipped the TV on.  It was on a news station.

“Do you have access to any nature documentaries?” he asked, excited.

Ari handed him the remote.  “Knock yourself out.  Just don’t buy any of the pay-per-view shit.”

She left the two vampires in the living room to go talk to the other humans in the dining room.  Bailey and Jerome had changed into their pajamas.  “We’re gonna hit the hay, okay?” Bailey said.

“Yeah,” Ari said.  “We all had a long night, but you two went on patrol, so you go first.  I’m gonna wake you up around four so me and Lex can take a turn, though.”

The two men absconded to use Lex and Ari’s bedroom.  “So I guess we just have one more day with Valen,” Lex said, sounding sad.

“Yeah,” Ari said, trying not to care.  She bumped Lex with her elbow.  “Come on, let’s go make the most of it.”

Valen was flipping through the channels when they came back in.  Sebastian had been watching the TV, but as soon as they came back in, he turned away, pretending not to be interested.

Ari plopped down on the couch, putting one arm around Valen.  “How ya doing, buddy?”

Valen gave a quick, nervous nod.  “I’m doing well.  Thank you, ma’am.”

“Good.”  She gave him an awkward pat.

Valen fidgeted with the rubberized buttons on the remote.  “So, Nick…”

“We took his body back to the base,” Lex said.  “We made it look like Sebastian killed him.”

Ari glanced at Sebastian.  “You don’t mind, right?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“Thank you,” Valen said, hugging his arms around himself.

Lex scooted closer.

The phone rang.  Ari groaned.  “All right, here we go.”

She got up and answered.  Valen clung to Lex and listened tensely.

“Yo.”  It was Cyril, one of the other hunters at the base.  “What the fuck happened to Nick?”

“Huh?” Ari said.  She’d been practicing the lie.  Just to make sure.  “I dunno, he finally grow some balls?”

“He’s fucking dead!”

“God I wish.”

“Bitch, he’s dead for real!”

“Really?”

“Yeah!  What happened last night when you came to drop off the coffin?”

“Oh.”  Ari let out an audible grimace.  “We didn’t actually go out last night to return the coffin.  We just told Nick we would to get him to leave.  He showed up to our house, and-”

“The fuck you mean you didn’t go out?”

“We didn’t go out, shithead!  Nick came over to harass us at our house, we told him we’d come over later to get him to leave, then we stayed home because fuck him.”  This was perfectly in character with the way they typically interacted with Nick and shouldn’t draw any suspicion.  “I didn’t fucking kill him, although I kind of wish I had.”  This with a wink at Valen that made the vampire flush and sink deeper into the couch.

Cyril could be heard cursing on the other end.  “So you didn’t see what happened?”

“We were at our fucking house, dumbass.  We didn’t see anything that wasn’t at our goddamn house.  I was fucking my girlfriend last night.”

“Jesus Christ.  You dumb cunt.”

“How’d he die?  Like what happened?”

“How do you fucking think?  The damn vampire he wanted to play with killed him.  I guess after that old one was weak for so long, he forgot a fresh one would be, uh, dangerous.”

“Right.”  Ari stood stone-faced for a minute.  “Well, anything else?”

“Uhhhhhhh-”

“I’ll take that as a no.  Don’t bother me again.”

She hung up.

Valen dashed forward into her arms, and she hugged him.  He couldn’t believe it.  They really thought it was okay that he killed Nick, and he was going to get away with it, and then tonight he was going to get to safety, to go home.

“Put a hold on the waterworks,” Ari said, and Valen wiped his eyes.  “You’re okay.”

Valen went back to the couch and sat primly, hands on his lap.  He looked over at Sebastian, feeling pleased with himself.  “That man who hurt us is dead, and we don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

Sebastian looked relieved despite himself.

They passed some time watching a nature documentary with Valen before the phone rang again.  Ari let out an even more exasperated groan.

She ripped the phone off the hook.  “What?”

“Ariana,” said a very serious voice.  “This is Director Griswald.” 

Ari straightened up.  “Ah?  Hello?”

Valen clung to Lex once again, all his nerves returning.  The director.  The boss vampire hunter.  Surely he wouldn’t be able to hear Valen, right?  He wouldn’t be able to tell Valen was there somehow, right?  Lex held him comfortingly. 

“You’ve heard about what happened to Nick?”

“Yeah,” Ari said, more nervous than she had been lying to Cyril.  “Hear he got burned playing with fire.”

“I’ve been informed you were expected to see Nick last night to drop off some restraints for the new vampire.”

“Y…Yeah, we were supposed to, but we ended up not doing that.”

“Why not?”

“We…  I’m sorry, Director G, we just really don’t–didn’t–like Nick, we didn’t think it was very important.”

She waited tensely for his response.

“All right,” he said, finally.  “It's not like Nick didn't have any restraints, and he knew how to keep the new research specimen secure. So you didn’t see anything last night?  No other information to give me?”

“No, sir,” she said.  “We were home all night.  We weren’t scheduled to go on patrol.  We had a night in.”

The director hemmed and hmmed.  “All right, Ariana.  Thank you.  Please call me if you think of anything or remember anything else.”

He hung up.  Ari replaced the phone, hand hurting from gripping it so tightly.  She let out an exhausted breath and came back over, sprawling out on the couch.  “Well, I think we might have really pulled it off.”

More waiting.  More nature documentaries.  Valen couldn’t seem to get enough of them.

And then the phone rang again.  Ari groaned, screwing up her eyes.  “For the love of-”  She trundled back over and picked it up.  “What?”

It was Franklyn, another co-worker at the hunter’s guild, one they liked better than Cyril.  “Ari, dude!  Director G is on the news!  Flip over to channel 4!”

Valen, hearing the conversation, fumbled with the remote and changed the channel.  Sure enough, the director’s stony visage was visible in front of a mic, as though he were being interviewed.  The banner at the bottom of the screen read DALTON GRISWALD, DIRECTOR, DEPT. OF NOCTURNAL SECURITY, which then advanced to the headline EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG?  Underneath of that was the ticker tape showing which counties had the most recent V alerts–it was always the same handful near the border.

“Thanks, Frankie,” Ari said distantly.  “I’ll call you back.”  She hung up and went to stand in front of the TV.

“-save many lives,” the director was saying, and Lex used the remote to turn the volume up.  “The experiments were certainly controversial, but we had a strong justification.”

“And why didn’t you make the public aware of it?” the interviewer asked.

“There was minimal danger,” the director claimed.  “Except to the staff members handling the vampire, obviously.”

“But how can you claim there isn’t any danger when there’s a vampire running around loose out there now?”

“Our guild members work tirelessly to protect the people we serve.  We’re spending the day checking for all the places where the escaped vampire could have gone.  It’s no more risk than the usual presence of-”

“Mr. Griswald, how can you-”

“Please let me finish-”

“But how can you-”

“No, no, let me-”

“Director, how can you-”

“Please stop interrupting me, Nancy, I’m trying to answer your question.”

The headline at the bottom changed to GUILD SCIENTIST SLAIN.  The director took a deep breath.  “The tragic loss we experienced today was the result of personal negligence, not our program with live vampires.  Nick was a very close, long-time friend of mine, and our work will certainly suffer without his contributions moving forward.  However, I can’t deny the risk inherent in such work, and even if I believe we have a firm justification and the ability to work safely with enhanced security, I can’t deny the public has all the reason to be nervous about it given what’s happened.  Therefore that’s why I’ve decided, starting today, I’m shutting down that work.”

“Yes!”  Lex and Ari stood, giving each other wild high-fives.

“Yes!”

“Yes!”

“There will be no more live captures,” the director continued.  “No one in our organization is prepared to continue Nick’s work, and the risk has proved itself to be too great.”

The interviewer made a face.  “There you have it folks.  We’ll be right back with more after the break.”

Ari flopped back onto the couch.  “Fuck yeah.  Fuck.  Yeah.  We did it.  Those jackasses really think Sebastian got loose while Nick was alone and killed him and ran off.  And they're not going to torture anyone else because of it.  Fuck yeah.”

Valen gave a few excited wiggles.  “We did it!  Haha!”  He tried not to think about the fact that no live capture program meant Lex and Ari would have killed him when they first met.

He glanced over at Sebastian and noticed how very unhappy he looked.  He didn’t seem angry anymore.  Valen turned back around, hands on his knees, thinking.  “Um, Ari?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think…  we could try letting Sebastian out again?  He looks a lot calmer now, and he still has stab wounds.  That can’t be comfortable.  He’s just been sitting there with them the whole time.”

“Oh.  Uhh, yeah sure I guess.”  Even she had to admit Sebastian looked kind of pathetic.  “Long as you can keep him under control like you did before.”

Valen nodded.  “I’ll handle it.  Leave it to me.”

Valen once again unlocked Sebastian and took him upstairs to the bathroom.  As soon as they were alone, Sebastian started crying, letting the tears flow freely.

“Oh, it's okay,” Valen said, handing him a tissue.  “You're all right.”

“I'm not all right,” he snapped.  “I'm hurt and hungry and-”  He'd been about to say scared, but caught himself just in time. 

“Let me help you,” Valen cooed.  “It'll be all right.  We're going home at sunset.”

Sebastian burst into fresh tears.  “I failed.  I failed.  Mother and Father will be furious with me.  Priscus doesn't have a worthy heir, and now my father doesn't either.  Everyone is going to blame me for the family’s predicament.” 

Valen took Sebastian's hands, firm and cool.  “You're under a lot of pressure.  It's not fair of them to expect so much from you.”

Sebastian brought his hand up to his face and wiped his eye on his shredded sleeve.  “But-but I'm purebred nobility.  I'm better.  I'm supposed to be better.  Better than commoners, and especially better than humans.”

Valen smiled at him and squeezed his hands.  “Listen to me, Sebastian.  When everyone wants you to be something that you're not, it hurts and it's okay to be sad about it.  And it can be hard to see through it to decide what you want, but you don't have to want the same things for yourself that your parents do.  There are lots of people out there who will love you even if you show up empty-handed.  There are people who will love you for showing up empty-handed.”

Sebastian scoffed.  “Who?  You?”

“There are more of us than you might think.  We're just not very visible.”  It was hard to tell Sebastian that when Valen had felt so, so alone as a direct result of trying to be more true to himself.  But he knew it was true.  It had been the thing to give him hope and courage.

Sebastian averted his eyes, sniffling.

“Come on, let's get you cleaned up, and I'll put some bandages on you.”

Valen helped Sebastian wash the blood off himself, then started wrapping him up.

Sebastian kept his eyes averted as Valen wrapped the wounds he'd inflicted on Sebastian’s arms.  “So…those humans really aren't your thralls?”

“No, they're not.  I'd consider them friends, if they want to call themselves that.”

“Did they lie to keep us safe?  Is that what they all meant about that guy on TV?”

“Yes.  They saved both of us from a horrible fate.”

“Okay, but why me? They're not friends with me.”

“They didn't want to see anyone at all condemned to such a fate.  They thought you could be saved. They're kind.”

“Well, that's stupid.”

Valen smiled at him faintly.  “And yet it's why you're here.”

Sebastian looked deep in thought.  Then: “What do you drink if they're your…friends.”  He said it like he still thought it was a bit ridiculous.

“They've been letting me feed on them because they didn't want me to go hungry, same as I kept you from attacking them because I didn't want them to be hurt.”

“I know how friendship works.  I'm not five years old.”

“Sorry, I'm-”

“You're not my mother.  You don't have to dote on me.”  He ripped his hands out of Valen’s.

“Do I have to be your mother to be kind to you?”

Sebastian's face almost broke.  He could count on one hand the number of people who'd been selflessly kind to him, with no ulterior motive, who weren't his mother.  “Well, it's stupid.”

“Come on,” Valen said gently.  “There's no one here to impress.  You can try being nice.  I won't tell anyone.”

“It's weakness.”

“It might feel ridiculous at first, but in the long run it makes me feel a lot better.  Maybe it'll make you feel better, too.”

Sebastian didn't make eye contact.

A few minutes later, the pair of vampires approached Lex and Ari in the living room.  “Sebastian has something he'd like to ask you,” Valen announced.

Lex turned off the TV.  Ari sat up straight.

“This is humiliating,” Sebastian mumbled.

“Go on,” Valen said.

Sebastian turned even redder, but he finally looked at Lex and Ari.  “I am very hungry.  May I please have some blood?”

Ari’s eyebrows shot up.  Lex looked delighted.  “Of course!  You can have some of mine!”

“Uhh…are you sure that’s a good idea?” Ari said, even as Lex slid off the couch towards Sebastian.  “Considering how much we dumped on the floor?”

“It’s just one time,” Lex said, waving her off.  “I’ll be fine.”

Sebastian reached out to grab Lex’s hair, and Valen smacked his hand away.  “Ah-ah-ah.  That’s not how it’s done.”

“That’s how it’s done where I’m from.”

“Well, we aren’t where you’re from, are we?”

Sebastian lowered his hand, once again looking chastised.  

Lex extended her arm out.  “Go ahead and bite my wrist.  It’s okay.”

That wasn’t how it was supposed to go.  Sebastian was supposed to bite her neck, as a sign of his dominance over her.  

But as he lowered his head and tried to make himself gentler at Valen’s direction, he found the blood quenched his thirst all the same.

***

Sebastian was still behaving himself at sunset, so they didn’t shove him back in the coffin for the drive to the border.

The border.  Valen could scarcely believe it.  The border, the thing he’d been trying to get to non-stop for the past few months.  The safety he’d only been able to dream of.  It was just being handed to him.

The van’s tires rolled to a stop in the dirt at the expanse of trees that filled the border.  Valen’s boots crunched over sticks, and he hauled his backpack out behind him.  Sebastian had been bundled up in a hooded jacket to hide the bandages and wounds he seemed self-conscious of.

“Well, here you are,” Lex said.

“Go on, get outta here,” Ari said.

Sebastian started walking towards the border.  Valen hesitated.

“One more hug for the road?” Lex suggested.

Valen nodded.

Lex came over and hugged him.  After a moment, Ari came up and did as well.

“You can come back, you know,” Lex said softly.  “I know it’s been… rough, but-  You’re always welcome here.”

Valen patted her back.

Ari finally broke the hug.  “Hah, I doubt he wants to see our sorry asses ever again.  Go on, big guy.”

Valen adjusted his backpack, looking unsure.

“Hey!” Sebastian shouted in the distance.  “Are we going or what?”

“I’ll call you to let you know I’ve arrived home safely,” Valen says.  “And I’ll… think about it, Alexis.  Thank you, both.”

With that, Valen turned and ran off, far faster than a human could ever hope to catch up.  Lex and Ari turned and wordlessly continued to hug each other, letting themselves cry now that no one was watching.  

***

Tag list <3

@aceouttatime

@annablogsposts

@cc1010foxy

@darlingwhump

@dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night

@dokidokisadness

@emcscared-whumps

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@nicolepascaline

@oddsconvert

@pigeonwhumps

@pumpkin-spice-whump

@some-thrilling-heroics

@soursagas

@thecyrulik

@the-scrapegoat

@whuarri

@whump-cravings

@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump

@whumpycries

@whumpsday

@writereleaserepeat

[italiansteebie]

Love on Screen

Episode Six: The Finale, Episode Five, Four, Three, Two, One

Dustin couldn’t help but smile as he watched the couple’s official announcement video. It was sweet, and chaotic, and full of sarcasm, just like he thought it’d be. It was probably his fifth time watching it, but the way they interacted was so endearing it was almost addictive to watch.  

—

“Hey guys! So, you’ve probably seen the clip of me and this weirdo by now, kissing at Robin’s party, and. We’re here to dispel any rumors, okay. Eddie, do you want to take this next part?”

“Sure, so guys. I know this might be hard to believe but… Me and Steve we… Are actually a couple.”

“Yeah! A couple of besties! Ha, you thought.”

“Stephano! I thought I was the chaotic one in this relationship,”

“Nope, I’m taking it over,” and he punctuated it with a sharp cackle.

“No but seriously, yes. We are dating, almost a year now. We never really hid it, like on purpose? I think we just decided to never really make any type of announcement ‘til now, and to be completely honest… We probably wouldn’t have said anything if that clip hadn’t been spread around.”

Eddie swung an arm around Steve, “Not that we weren’t ever gonna say anything, it just didn’t seem all that important to us to have a real… announcement about it, y’know?”

They both finished their statements, sharing a sweet kiss, before turning off the camera. “I think that went well,” Steve said, smiling at Eddie. “Yeah, it did, Stevie.” Eddie responded, smacking a wet kiss against his cheek. Steve laughed, wiping away the spit that Eddie left on his cheek. “I love you so much.” 

“Yeah. I love you, too.” 

—  

Long story short, their coming out was taken well. 

In fact, most people were calling them the ‘best internet couple,’ which. Nancy and Robin were right there but… Hey. If that’s what the internet wants, then well, who’s to change it. (Nancy and Robin were pretty salty, but they do have to admit that their friends were pretty cute, although Steddie wasn’t as good of a ship name as Ronance, I mean come on. It’s one letter off Romance). 

They still played into the whole ‘best friends’ thing, because hey. It was pretty fuckin funny, at least in their opinion. The couples content didn’t really change, besides the fact that they sometimes kissed in front of the camera, or while Eddie was streaming, chat always responding with some variation of “the fuck dawg?” Because apparently Steve was not only Eddie’s boyfriend, but the whole internet's boyfriend, which did not make Eddie jealous. Not at all. (Well, maybe a little bit, but he didn’t really have to worry about that).  

— 

Three years had passed, and Eddie and Steve had only grown in popularity. They made videos about DIY seats made of jeans, and how it looked to rescue elderly street cats, and they had a podcast called “Eddie and Steve, not Adam and Eve,” on which they usually shared really weird tiktoks on. Either way, Dustin absolutely loved it. 

‘Corrodededdie is going live.’ Dustin looked at the notification in slight confusion. Eddie usually doesn’t go live on Saturdays, let alone this late at night. Oh well, he guesses he shouldn’t complain. He taps on the notification, confused once more once he opens the app to a blank screen. “What?” He tapped the screen a few times, staring at his phone. He sighed, maybe it was just a fluke, so he moved to put his phone down when he heard Eddie’s voice finally float through the speakers. “Hey shitheads.” His tone was somber, and that was highly unusual for Eddie. He felt a pit in his stomach, something was wrong, what if he and Steve broke up? Oh god no. 

Dustin looked at the screen, seeing the sad expression on Eddie’s face, shit, was he right? Did they actually break up?

“I have some bad news,” Dustin felt his breath hitch. “Me and Steve… Are no longer boyfriends.” Eddie finished sadly, letting his head hang low. It was silent for a few seconds, and Dustin felt absolutely destroyed. He couldn’t begin to imagine how they felt. “Oh god,” He whispered, looking down at the screen. 

“That’s because we’re husbands!” Dustin’s head snapped up at the sound of Steve’s voice cheering the good news, and what was a low energy stream turned into something no less than chaos. “Oh thank god,” he said out loud, furiously typing in the chat ‘u scared the shit out of me!’ He watched with a smile as Steve and Eddie shared a kiss and showed off their matching rings. 

Eddie laughed at the chat, “Sorry guys. It was Steve’s idea to prank y’all.” Stve smacked him on the shoulder, “it was not Edward! That is slander,” he said, tone exasperated. “Okay, okay. So it was my idea.” Eddie finally relented. Dustin was positively giddy, the two really were perfect for each other.

“We did vlog the proposal and the reception for you guys, it’ll be up right after the stream.” Steve said, grinning. He and Eddie answered a few questions from the chat before eventually ending the stream, Dustin waiting with baited breath for the vlogs to be released. As soon as they were, Dustin launched the video. It opened with Eddie pacing nervously and Robin, who was presumably behind the camera, was trying to calm him down. “Is it too soon?” “It’s been three years, Ed. It’s perfect, he’s gonna love it.” Robin reassured. The video cuts to Eddie and Steve on a beach, they were a bit far away, Dustin guesses Robin was trying to record the moment inconspicuously. He watched as Eddie led Steve to a quiet area, shells and rose petals arranged ever so. He could quietly hear Steve comment “This is so beautiful,” and watched as he spun, facing the beach. Eddie took this moment to get down on one knee, “Steve,” He began, Dustin spotted Nancy on the other side of Eddie, taking pictures, he guesses. Steve turned around, putting a hand over his mouth in shock. “I have loved you ever since I did that 12 hour stream and Dustybun04 recommended your channel, and I am so glad I listened to him.” Dustin paused the video briefly, giving himself time for a minor freak out at the fact that Eddie mentioned his name. “Steve,” Eddie grabbed his hand, “Will you marry me?” Dustin watched as Steve nodded, laughing slightly, tears streaming down his face. Eddie stood, pressing a kiss to his lips, both of them wearing matching smiles.

It was only a moment before the video continued. He watched with great amazement as Steve too, got down on one knee, still holding Eddie’s hand. Eddie was already saying yes, and laughing before Steve could even pull the ring box from his pocket. “Well. It’s obvious we both have amazing timing,” Steve said, giggling, tears still streaming down his face. “Eddie,” He began, sniffling, “You know I love you, I don’t want to live a life without you in it. Will you marry me?” Eddie laughed, “Uhh. Let me think about it,” He joked, before nodding enthusiastically, “Yes, of course. Please.” Steve slid the ring onto Eddie’s finger, before standing, pressing another kiss to Eddie’s lips. At this point, Dustin was also crying, and he only cried harder when Robin and Nancy popped out from their hiding places to congratulate the two. Dustin wiped his eyes, sighing fondly. 

After a few seconds of Robin and Nancy hugging Steve and Eddie, the video cut to what looked like an absolute rager which Dustin could only guess was their reception. The camera panned to Steve and Eddie both dressed to the nines in their suits, “We’re married now bitches!” Steve shouted, the crowd of people cheering in response. The rest of the video was comprised of Eddie and Steve having a blast at their wedding, Dustin watched, smile growing painful for how long he’s held it, they danced, they partied, and Steve even threw the bouquet.

The video faded before Steve and Eddie popped up on the screen. “We’re so happy we can share this moment with you guys, and in fact.” Steve grabbed Eddie’s hand, “It was all because of you guys that we met really, so. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts.” Steve said, looking at Eddie like he hung the stars. “I’m usually not this sappy but we really do owe it to you guys that we even met. I don’t want to know a life without Steve, and y’all made it happen. I can only hope each and everyone of you meet your Steve.” 

The video ended with the two saying bye, and promises of regularly scheduled content as soon as they got back from their honeymoon. Dustin sat back in his desk chair. He couldn’t believe it had been three years since they started dating, Dustin had still been in high school. He felt like he grew up with them, and in a way, he kind of did. It was a wonderful moment to see the two have a happy ending, and it gave him hope for his own current relationship (of whom he met at Vidcon, in line for the corrodededdie merch line), he really thinks he found his Steve. And he couldn't be happier.

[taexual]

I was needing some serotonin and you came through, as always 🤭

Because obviously jk is the type to spend 0.5 seconds with his love, to feel like life is worth living, saying some shit like 'air? Oh yn breaths air *sights dreamily*'

“Yeah,” Jungkook said, bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement. “It’s the exact colour of her eyes.”

“Her eye—Jesus Christ,” Minjun groaned.

Just proving my point, once again

Minjun shook his head, half disbelieving, half resigned. He was not a doctor, and he would never claim to have any medical knowledge, but even his amateur eye could recognise lovesickness when he saw it.

Down bad is what we call it bestie, he's setting and beating his own record atp

Jungkook blew out the smoke with a heavy—and violent, too—groan, and it cut Minjun off. “I love her so much."

Girl.. Please I love them so much, oc really said, I'm gonna consume this man's every thought without even knowing, good for her 😌

Also this???

Closing the door of the dressing room behind himself, he abruptly remembered an ancient legend that his grandmother had told him—about Orpheus and Eurydice. And he knew, without any doubt whatsoever, that if he had to walk away from you without looking back so that the two of you could live, you would both perish.

He would always turn back to look at you one last time.

First of all, ouch, uncalled for :c

And second, jk is never escaping the Orpheus curse istg, first it was Art (onlyswan) and now you, yall are just on a mission to crush my heart and it shows

And man I love the plotting, Jude’s redemption arc (he had me anxious for a good while tho, the trust issues were showing) but he did great and I can't wait for Sid to eat his own shit :D

So, you had jokingly asked Jungkook if the Katana was the love of his life, too. And he’d responded, without missing a single beat, that it wasn’t. That you were.

He’d said it with a smug grin, so, of course, you assumed he was just teasing—because, in your defence, he often was—and you rolled your eyes and didn’t think much of it. But now, holding the keys to his bike that he’d given up, you accepted, finally, that he’d meant it, even back then.

Stop I'm tearing up, back when the bet was still going and all of that was going down, I kept debating how everything would play out, with the presence of that shithead, jk being his own enemy, and oc being unable to face her feelings for shit, but each day you prove to be an amazing writer, and through his actions, their attempts at communicating, getting Sid to jail obvs, and showing these moments of realization for each character, is just *chefs kiss*, it adds up so so well, and it has felt so natural going through this series c:

But back to this bitch

"He should have been grateful I even invited him to see me, he should have been fucking kissing my ass, but instead, he was trying to appear like a little angel to her.”

“He was—he was setting some fucking standard that I had to live up to. And why the fuck should I? I’m her only son. Who the fuck is Jungkook to her? Fucking nobody. He’s a fucking wannabe, that’s what he is.

I swear his soul dies slowly every time someone shows an ounce of decency and respect (not directed to him) in his presence, like how narcissistic do you have to be for this to be your thought process, my dude, get a grip, go to therapy, or fly yourself to the sun if you want, I'm sure his ego would like being the first there, considering he probably has the money to

Love oc constantly reminding us that she's a bad bitch, and that jk has every right and duty to go around bragging about her 🤭

Noticing the sight, the rest of the band members piled into the room, hollering war cries and jumping on the two of you in a chaotic group hug. They tousled your hair when they pulled away, and ran off, seemingly bouncing off the walls of the room as they went.

Ugghh, they're so freaking endearing, the definition of found family

And now for the continuation of jk and oc making my heart combust:

Jungkook did not feel like other people. He felt like you, as much as you felt like you. And right now, with the water running from his skin to yours, you felt calm. Easy. Solid, but serene. He was your safe space.

If you hear me screeching, no you don't

“You know, you say things sometimes,” you said, “and I know you know exactly what you’re doing.”

“Really?” His voice was exuberant. “Are you swooning for me, then?”

You grimaced. “I wouldn’t call it swoo—”

“Getting weak in the knees?”

“I don’t get weak in the knees.”

BUT I SURE DO, DUDE WHAT, STOP IT WITH THE FLIRTING, giving whoreish behavior 😑(respectfully)

“It wasn’t the bet that hurt me,” you said. “But you fixed every problem that did. We actually put one of them in the back of a police car tonight. And you and I learnt how to talk to each other in the process. Look at us now.”

YES LOOK AT YOU, I love this for them, this is what I aspire to be in life, yep

Also not you making me feel all proud and protective over fictional characters, Jesus

But yeah, if it wasn't obvious enough, I loved every second of this, I love your story, I'm gonna need an entire saga about this actually, spin offs, cameos, prequels and sequels, the whole thing (a special about Sid rotting in jail (or a mental institute) would be awesome as well)

I can't wait for the next one, I appreciate your work and the effort you put into these, which obviously pay off at the end, and I hope you're taking care of yourself, and enjoying life in the meantime <3

so i saw your ask as soon as i got it, the notification literally popped up before my eyes, and i was on a call with someone at the time but you bet i nodded and hummed without hearing anything for a few minutes, so i could read your message right away 🥹

i couldn't reply because Errands and then Sleep, but i want you to know that from the moment you sent this, i read it about a few hundred times, at least. numbers could be off by a dozen, i'm really shit at math

my point being, i love you so much that jungkook might have to pass down his Head Simp crown to me 🥺 seriously though, thank you for reading this and for taking the time to share your thoughts with me!!! if this story can be something that gives you the serotonin you need, i shall go to sleep happy every night

i was screeching the whole time i read this, that is all 🤍🤍🤍🤍

[ashley-slashley]

Holy Diver

Chapters: 1, 2, 3

Summary: POV: you have a crush on a catholic priest having a crisis of faith

Rating: M/Mature

Warnings: cussing, heresy, very long paragraphs

A/N: I’m definitely going to hell for this one. I’m blaming William Peter Blatty, William Friedkin, and Jason Miller for making Damien Karras a very loveable and friend shaped character. If you’re not cool with the idea of sleeping with a grief stricken and religiously challenged Catholic priest, I understand, and I highly recommend you not read this fic. I’m taking some creative liberties with both the exact time of year the movie is set as well as the map of the area the movie is set in. If someone is thinking “well actually” about this, you’re having redditor thoughts about a smut. What are you doing with your life?

Chapter 2: Uh, his name’s Damien

“I have an idea, but I just know one of your shitheads would do this just to get a reaction from me” I glared at my friends sitting across from me in our booth at the local bar. The hippie took the cigarette from her mouth and smiled with a devilish grin, the quiet geek leaned towards the table with inquiry, shit, they’re definitely going to do this. “Fuck” I whispered, “yeah, we know you wanna get fucked by your priest friend” the quiet geek said. “My brother in christ, will you please shut the fuck up for like five minutes?”. The hippie glanced up and back down, her smirk widened, oh no. I glanced in my peripherals, and, it’s just an older priest, maybe about sixty-something years old. He doesn’t really look like anyone, he just looks stoic. And he’s - sitting in the booth next to us. That’s it, I’m gonna jump off a cliff. I glanced up, and I can’t tell if he overheard the heresy I just said. Imagine taking the lord’s name in vain in a conversation about finding a priest attractive while a completely different priest walks by. Considering he’s probably old enough to be my father or grandfather, he’s probably heard worse than that - I’m not going to think about that. Who knows, maybe other people have found Not Dean Martin attractive.

“What’s your idea, anyway?” the quiet geek asked, “well, uh, imagine putting your number into the offering plate during the tithes and offerings section of a church service.” I whispered, not wanting to offend or accidentally rope the stoic man into the conversation - he doesn’t need to know about this shit. Hopefully he’s not the type to go up to a stranger and publicly ask if he can pray for them. Both of my friends busted out laughing at the concept, the stoic man just minding his own business. He raised his brow at me, I just awkwardly shrugged. I didn’t choose to be attracted to one of your colleagues, and it’s not my fault my friends are dying of laughter about this idea.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a dark figure of an average height holding two pints of beer. Aw shit. I can’t really excuse myself to use the restroom since that would look suspicious. I cupped my hand above my eyes like earlier, looking down at the table in shame. Finally my friends quieted down and noticed my appearance, “what’s wrong?” They kinda looked concerned, “can’t really say it, because, uh, Dean Martin has beamed down and apparently consumes Romulan ale” I whispered. Simultaneously, the quiet geek and hippie glanced behind them in their peripherals, and then resumed staring at me. “We can’t just sit here in a stalemate and listen in on their conversations, they’d know we’re up to some shit if we do nothing” I whispered, “if you keep whispering, they’re going to think you’re up to something, especially with keeping your head low and hiding your vision” one of my friends said. She’s right, I sat up and leaned onto one of my arms, propped up onto the table. “What to talk about when the man you have a crush on is sitting in the booth next to you? Especially if he’s in company with his fellow clergyman.” I thought, “what if we went through with that plan, what do you think would happen?” the hippie broke the silence. “I pick up the phone and impulsively tell him to go kill himself since my reaction to these types of feelings is automatically telling someone to die.” I looked into the hippie’s eyes, thankfully my voice didn’t carry, or so I thought. The forbidden fruit, god I’m going to Hell for this, tensed up. The phrase “don’t look at him” blared in my consciousness like the red alert sound whenever the Enterprise and her crew are in danger, I could feel his vision slowly notice my presence. The hippie wrote something on a napkin, and slid it to me. “Wanna go run to the restroom, and then come back and switch seats so we don’t look suspicious?” was written in black ink, “yes” I wrote on the napkin.

As normally looking as possible, we trekked to the bathroom so I can at least just internally scream in peace. “You have it down bad for him” the hippie said, “well no shit, Sherlock, I didn’t choose to live in the same area as an extremely handsome priest who I want in between my legs. Hopefully our friend will gain intel from the conversation, besides overhearing their reaction to my bullshit” I ranted. Thankfully there’s quite the crowd at the bar tonight, nobody should be able to hear this. I paced around the women’s restroom, trying to pad out time in my friend and I’s voyage. I wonder how everything out there’s going, it’s not like the priests are going to ask “hey, uh, what’s wrong with your friend”. The door opened, the geek was smiling. Oh god, what now?

“I got bored, so I decided to join you two. Also, why aren’t we outside? Your forbidden boyfriend and his friend are probably going to think we’re doing heroin or some shit.” the geek said, I just shrugged. I asked if she learned anything about Not Dean Martin, apparently, uh, his name’s Damien, and he wants out of being a priest. He’s doubting his faith. So, you’re telling me that man I have sexual desires towards is in a fragile state of his spirituality and could easily be manipulated into the lifestyle of an average man? Yep, definitely going to Hell for my feelings towards him. Considering he’s a Catholic, my thoughts about him are even more unholy. No, I have no feelings towards the whole contract you sign into when becoming a priest and having to give up human desires - unless that’s just monks and nuns, I wasn’t raised Catholic, so I’m going off what I’ve seen in movies and pop culture. The dude drinks and smokes, so, what other human acts is he able to do? “I am not taking advantage of his state of mind”, “but you want to, you were practically ogling the back of his head for fuck’s sake!” my geeky friend replied. “I will go to Hell for a lot of things, but getting fucked by a priest won’t be one of them” I left the restroom.

[mikeyisbrooklyn]

I have no idea how long I stare at him me? us? after the guys in the stereotypical suits close the interrogation door behind me. It must be too long, because he turns his head to me from where he sits in the middle of the room after sitting still for however long.

“Are you gonna take a picture or what?” His voice is just like mine, except it’s a bit…gruffer? Not in a drastic way, he’s still got my timber at the core. It just sounds like he stopped trying to lighten it to be heard better. It’s surreal to hear. I was always told I needed to enunciate better as a kid but I figured out years ago now that it was really just my voice was deeper than I thought it was. Maybe he stopped caring enough to be heard. Maybe he never did.

“C’mon man, is this universe’s me a mute or something?” Great, I irritated him before I even spoke a word. Well, if he’s gonna be snippy…

“Guess you’re the version of me that never worked through our anger issues.” I cross my arms and match his bitter face…which has less of an effect when it’s just my face. Damn this is weird.

“Nothing to work through. Anger isn’t an issue, it’s a tool. But maybe you’re just not strong enough to use it.”

“Yeah, exactly some shit I’d say at 15.” I straighten out and walk to the chair across the table in front of him. “Lucky for you, I learned to be patient with teenage me—er, us? Whatever. Point is, I’ve been on this big healing journey for years and I’m sure I can handle—“

“Goddamit, went from not a word to rambling. And you’re comparing me to a teenager? Middle school me called, he wants his disposition back.”

“Oh that’s a big word for Elmo. I was worried you would have a limited vocabulary considering the fact that you’re dressed like My Chemical Reject. What, are you a villain cause you’ve robbed a Hot Topic in every universe?”

“At least I don’t look like a Stepford Shithead. You’re wearing a pastel yellow polo and think you can talk shit? And are those boat shoes?”

“Hey! Pastel Yellow is the third best shade of yellow! And they’re Oxfords, not boat shoes, you heathen!”

“For fucks sake.” He rolls his eyes. “You’re pathetic.”

“Says the guy in handcuffs. Can’t be that great a villain if you’re getting caught.”

That must’ve struck a nerve, because quicker than I can blink, he jumps towards me. He’s only held back by inches—courtesy of the cuffs. I can’t help but jump back instinctively.

“Don’t fucking call me that!” I’ve seen myself angry before, but it’s always a bit weird—even when it’s just looking at myself in the mirror. I spent a lot of my life dissociating myself from my anger because I didn’t want to seem “dangerous”, so seeing my own angry face was more like locking eyes with an alien. But actually, literally looking at my own angry face… I think I used surreal earlier, but I need a new word. And I was the one ragging on him for a limited vocabulary.

“Don’t call you…villain?” I raise my hands, both in defense but also to show I mean no harm.

“Yes! I’m not a fucking villain! I let that shitty hot topic joke slide but you don’t get to call me that! You don’t even know why I’m here! What I’ve done!”

“Yeah, okay, fair enough. But in my defense, you were being a prick.”

“Oh God, so sorry. I’m handcuffed in a different universe where no one I know knows me, just the me that’s you. But yeah, I hurt your feelings. So sorry.”

“Alright, the sarcasm isn’t helping your case.”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you!”

We stare at each other for a few moments. Then I break the silence,

“So, are you gonna tell me what you did or was that outburst for nothing?”

“Fuck you!” He jumps at me again; I don’t flinch this time.

“You already said that, dude. We aren’t going to get anywhere bickering like kids.” I sigh and sit back in my chair. “Look, I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I don’t know if we have all the same experiences, but after all the unfair assumptions I’ve had to deal with in my life, I should’ve given you more grace.” I send a genuine look.

His face flashes a brief moment of shock at my apology. Then it settles into a frown. If I had to guess, he was hesitant.

“Thanks… but I don’t think I’ll be telling you anything, even if you are sorry.”

“Why not?”

“Cause they’re listening, doofus.” He didn’t make any particular moves to reference who “they” is, but he doesn’t need to. I sigh again.

“That’s fair. But I also don’t think shit’s gonna end well for you if I can’t get any info out of you.”

“I’ll be fine, I’ve gotten out of stickier situations.”

I chuckle softly. “Yeah, if you’re anything like me, I believe that full heartedly.”

“What, you break out of any government facilities lately?”

“Nah, unless you count playing hooky in high school. But there’s this guy I was ‘friends’ with that getting rid of felt like Mission Impossible so I figured it’s the same.”

He laughs at that. He looks almost like he didn’t want to at first, but he honest to God laughs. “Stupid fucking joke.” But he’s got a smile on his face I recognize. I remember the first time I smiled and meant it after years of faking it. It was relieving, it was raw, but small enough to be private and personal—like no one else was allowed to have it, like no one else could ever take it away again. He was smiling like that.

“Hey, it made you laugh. So that makes you a stupid fucker.”

He flicked me off. I return the favor. There’s an easy air in the room now, replacing all the tension.

“As much as I love my own company,” I begin, “if we aren’t gonna talk about whatever you did, I think we should save ourselves both the trouble and cut this short.” I go to stand but stick my foot out to press atop his in full view of anyone watching—my oxford pinning his combat boot to the ground softly but firmly. Trying not to draw any attention to myself as I do, I stick my hand in my polo pocket and pull out a small card. In the same motion, I bring him in for a seated hug that catches him off guard. Out of view of cameras and facing away from the obvious one way window, I drop the card to the floor behind the foot I have pinned. Standing up, I feign shock,

“Oh man, did I scuff your shoe? So sorry, here lemme just,” I bend to the ground and untie his bootlaces while shoving the card into the boot. Then I pull back with a shit eating grin, “ay yo, got your ass! Try not to eat shit when they walk you outta here, edgelord.”

He still looks lost as hell but his eyebrow is quirked, like he’s almost put it together. I turn from him and head to the door. It’s open before I can even knock on it. As it closes behind me, the agents don’t even give me room to breathe before they’re on top of me.

“It doesn’t seem like you tried very hard to get answers in there.”

“Hey, you brought me here cause no one knows me better than me right? And I’m telling you, I’m a stubborn son of a bitch. If he isn’t gonna talk, he’s not gonna. Not even torture could make him.”

“We’ll see about that.” He threatened. “Follow your escort out of the building. If we need you, we’ll grab you. And lastly, you didn’t see a thing, got it?”

“Aye aye.” The suit squinted at me but was satisfied.

As I left the building, I quietly thanked my bosses for insisting everyone make and carry around their own business cards. I thought it was stupid before but it came in handy today. Now I just have to wait for the call I’ll get when he gets out—when, not if, I’ve got faith in him—and he can stay at my place until we figure this out together. I’m not all that worried about being suspected for aiding and abetting, I think we’re both good enough bullshitters to come up with a plan for that. And it’s not like I’ll mind sharing the space, I already live with myself everyday.

I hope he tells me what he did sooner rather than later. The suspense is killing me.

Your are your normal, boring self. Today, however, you’ve been abducted by the government to interrogate a super villain from another dimension - Yourself!

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Kanaya Maryam, Karkat Vantas

Page 43

ROXY: mm hm

ROXY: mhmm

ROXY: ...

ROXY: yep

ROXY: ...

ROXY: oh yeah

ROXY: for sure

ROXY: you too jake

ROXY: thanks man

ROXY: yeah well let u know what were gonna do

ROXY: later

ROXY: poor guy

DAVE: whatd he say

ROXY: a lot of it was hard to make out due to all the sobbing

ROXY: but yeah its like we thought

ROXY: dirk borrowed one of his ships and gtfo

KANAYA: But Did He Say WHERE

ROXY: nope

ROXY: doubt he told anybody tbh

ROXY: in fact id say odds are even he doesnt quite know where hes goin yet

DAVE: why do you think that

ROXY: idk i just know the guy

ROXY: also like

ROXY: whats even out there??

ROXY: dudes got a ship and now hes haulin ass randomly about w rose to i dunno

ROXY: prove some sort of point?

KANAYA: What About Jane

KARKAT: WE AREN’T CALLING JANE!

KANAYA: Why Not

KARKAT: BECAUSE I WOULDN’T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD THAT COMES OUT OF HER FAT, FASCIST MOUTH!

KANAYA: Thats Stupid Im Calling Her

KANAYA: I Dislike The Woman As Well But I Will Leave No Possibility Unexhausted In Striving To Rescue My Wife From That Madman

DAVE: so uhhh

DAVE: phewww...

DAVE: rose and dirk huh

ROXY: YUP

DAVE: rose and fuckin dirk...

DAVE: damn

DAVE: so are they

DAVE: like

DAVE: man im never gonna hear the end of it if im the one to ask this question am i

DAVE: ive had too many fuckin goofy dumbass foot in mouth family blunders to be the guy asking this fuckin question

DAVE: and yet here i am

DAVE: asking it

ROXY: ????

ROXY: what r u talkin about

DAVE: you know...

DAVE: are they like

DAVE: TOGETHER?

ROXY: what????

DAVE: you know

DAVE: like

KARKAT: WHAT THIS DUMBASS IS ASKING IS IF THEY’RE DOING HUMAN INTERCOURSE ACTIVITIES.

ROXY: oh my god??

DAVE: karkat

DAVE: please

ROXY: omg...

ROXY: karkat theyre related

ROXY: humans dont do that when theyre related to each other ok

KARKAT: DON’T TALK DOWN TO ME. I’M NOT A FUCKING WRIGGLER.

KARKAT: I’M FAMILIAR WITH YOUR CONCEPT OF “HUMAN INCEST.”

ROXY: !!!

DAVE: yeah ok not to be that guy even though im totally being that guy

DAVE: if it never happened we wouldnt have a word for it

ROXY: i rly dont think...

ROXY: i mean

ROXY: they WOULDNT

ROXY: theres no way. it makes no sense

ROXY: for one... dirk is gay

ROXY: and isnt rose gay too???

DAVE: yeah idk if anybody knows what roses deal is exactly

DAVE: of all of us who couldve ended up eloping to have illicit incestuous relations they definitely wouldve been the last two idve put my money on

DAVE: and yet

DAVE: it sure is real fuckin weird what they seem to have gone off and done isnt it

ROXY: uggghhhh

ROXY: dont even say that

ROXY: just thinkin about it makes my skin crawl

KARKAT: YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING WEIRD ABOUT THIS.

KARKAT: LIKE, SERIOUSLY? THAT’S THE ISSUE HERE?

KARKAT: THE SHITHEAD WENT AND STOLE KANAYA’S MATESPRIT, APPARENTLY BY MYSTICALLY UNDERHANDED MEANS.

KARKAT: THERE’S PRACTICALLY NO LIMIT TO THE DIMENSIONS WE COULD BE GETTING ANGRY ABOUT THIS ON.

KARKAT: BUT HERE WE ARE INSTEAD, DOING THIS POINTLESS THING YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS DO WHEN IT COMES TO “INCEST.”

DAVE: us people??

KARKAT: I KNOW, I KNOW! I’M A FUCKING XENOPHOBE! LET’S JUST ALL AGREE I’M A BIG SHITTY XENOPHOBE ABOUT THIS, AND MOVE ON.

ROXY: jfc

ROXY: HAY KANAYA HOWS THAT PHONE CALL GOIN

KANAYA: Janes Chief Of Staff Has Put Me On Hold

KANAYA: It Seems My Solicitation Does Not Register As A Priority In This Administration

KANAYA: I Cannot Say I Am Surprised

KARKAT: TELL HER TO REGISTER MY HEAVING BULGE AS A PRIORITY!!!!!

KANAYA: I Will Not Tell Her That

KARKAT: ANYWAY, YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO FUCKED UP ABOUT THIS, THAT’S ALL I’M SAYING.

KARKAT: THIS IS OBJECTIVELY NOT THE WORST THING ABOUT THIS SCENARIO. IT’S NOT EVEN A REMOTELY NOTABLE FACTOR!

KARKAT: WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS? IT’S SO FUCKING PERFORMATIVE.

KARKAT: IS THERE SOMETHING YOU’RE TRYING TO PROVE BY CONSTANTLY COMPETING TO BE THE MOST SCANDALIZED BY YOUR OWN COMPLETELY ARBITRARY SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS???

ROXY: yo dogs i know we get up to some jank barrelbottom as fuck convos sometimes but this one..... I D even K anymore

ROXY: i know yr an alien and all but in these dire straits can we maybe not “riff” on the subject of fuckin incest

ROXY: fwiw the shit really does bug the hell outta me

ROXY: if i can confirm on behalf of my species that yeah the idea kinda sucks according to pretty much literally everybody could we agree to stop talkin about it

KARKAT: SEE, THIS IS WHAT I’M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!

KARKAT: YOU GREW UP ONE OF TWO HUMANS ON YOUR ENTIRE PLANET. WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET ANY FRAME OF REFERENCE FOR THIS SHIT!?!

KARKAT: ADMIT IT. YOU ONLY PRETEND TO BE BOTHERED BY THIS BECAUSE YOUR HUMAN SOCIETY TELLS YOU THAT YOUR PERFORMANCE OF DISGUST IS VIRTUOUS.

ROXY: ummmmmmmmmmmmm

ROXY: lmao

ROXY: dude

ROXY: no

KARKAT: ALSO, EXCUSE ME, BUT CAN I JUST FUCKING ASK...

KARKAT: SINCE WHEN DID YOU START COSPLAYING AS DAVE??

DAVE: dude

KARKAT: WHAT?

ROXY: lol

DAVE: do you even fucking know anything

DAVE: youre a ham brained bonerstooge who doesnt know anything arent you

DAVE: im very sorry roxy that my ham brained bonerstooge of a boyfriend doesnt know fuck all about jack dick

ROXY: its ok hes like

ROXY: fuckin right

ROXY: i get mistaken for u like... well its been happening

ROXY: i shoulda known lmao

ROXY: i really thought all the pink im wearin would help with that

ROXY: idk ill keep messin with it

DAVE: no you look great

DAVE: like super duper duper great

DAVE: just perfect like i could not possibly be more proud of your fashion choices

KARKAT: CHRIST.

KARKAT: DAVE, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE ABOUT TO KISS YOUR MOTHER JUST TO “PROVE ME WRONG”!

ROXY: !!

DAVE: first of all

DAVE: roxys not my “mother” anymore hes

DAVE: wait

DAVE: roxy did we actually decide on the protocol on what im supposed to call you

DAVE: i literally have no comprehension of the etiquette here

DAVE: because youre technically my bio mom but its not as if i literally came out of your vagina or anything

DAVE: and like

DAVE: well considering whats going down right now im not too attached to the sanctity of dirk being my dad

DAVE: you can formally replace him as my daddy right now if you want

ROXY: ummmmmmmmmm

KARKAT: WOW! THE WOKEMASTER IS ON FUCKING FIRE FOLKS! HE’LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!!!

DAVE: oh stfu

DAVE: what is your problem why are you acting like this

KARKAT: ACTING LIKE WHAT????

DAVE: like a huge belligerent dickhead

DAVE: are you craving attention is that it

DAVE: did i get you hooked

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

DAVE: i see how it is

DAVE: you got one hot hit of sincerity from your fresh boy dave and now youre itching in your pants every second you go without it

DAVE: you know if you want to hold my hand or some shit you can just do it now

KARKAT: I HAVE NO DESIRE TO DO THAT. AT ALL.

DAVE: come on our relationship doesnt have to be a ludicrous unending performance of emotional constipation anymore

DAVE: we got character developed bitch

DAVE: cmere

KARKAT: ??? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? GET AWAY FROM ME!

DAVE: no

DAVE: christ youre like a flighty little muskrat stop squirming

KARKAT: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU SMELLY BAG OF SHIT! I HATE YOU!

DAVE: no way no you dont

DAVE: you looooooooove me

DAVE: were gonna be together foorreeevveeerrr

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

DAVE: and im gonna profess my undying love to you in the form of a kiiiiiiiiiiiissss

KARKAT: NOOO!!!!

ROXY: awwwwwww

ROXY: u boys cute :)

DAVE: hey can you just forget you saw that thanks

ROXY: hehe

ROXY: thank u

DAVE: for what

ROXY: for doin somethin that turned that steaming dogshit fire of an incest conversation into somethin that just made me feel v v happy

ROXY: if only for a fleetin moment in these dark AF times

KARKAT: DON’T MENTION IT

KANAYA: If Jane Is To Be Trusted Apparently She Didnt Even Know Dirk Was Gone

KANAYA: She Doesnt Know Where He Might Be Headed Either

KANAYA: Or She Wont Tell Us

DAVE: well shit

KARKAT: I’M SO FUCKING SURPRISED.

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, THEN WHAT DO WE DO?

KANAYA: I Dont Know

ROXY: hey does anyone know where the hell john is

DAVE: oh yeah

DAVE: good question

KARKAT: WASN’T HE ON SOME “MISSION”?

KARKAT: WHATEVER HAPPENED WITH THAT

DAVE: that was a rose thing

DAVE: she was cagey as fuck about it

DAVE: and now shes gone so we cant even ask her

DAVE: so uh

DAVE: damn

KARKAT: HE’S NOT ANSWERING HIS PHONE.

ROXY: yea ive tried too

DAVE: oh yeah i forgot

DAVE: john would solve our whole problem wouldnt he

DAVE: just zap us all right into dirks ship with his retcon powers

DAVE: thats how that works right

ROXY: maybe???

ROXY: i think he should be here regardless and catch up with the situation

ROXY: gettin kinda worried about him

KARKAT: YEAH.

ROXY: i ran into terezi the other day and she hadnt seen him either

DAVE: oh shit terezis back?

KARKAT: WHAT??

ROXY: o yeah

ROXY: i didnt mention cause

ROXY: guess i just thought u knew?

ROXY: i assumed she woulda got in touch

DAVE: nope

KARKAT: NOBODY EVER FUCKING TELLS US ANYTHING!

KARKAT: IT SEEMS LIKE KIND OF A GIGANTIC FUCKING DEAL THAT TEREZI CAME BACK TO EARTH???

DAVE: kanaya did you know about this

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: I Also Assumed You Knew

ROXY: im givin her a call to see if she knows anything about all this

ROXY: aaaaand shes not pickin up either :\

DAVE: what the fuck is even going on anymore

KARKAT: UM

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS JADE DOING?

DAVE: huh

KARKAT: THAT’S CREEPY RIGHT?

KARKAT: TELL ME I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT’S CREEPY.

ROXY: yeh its a bit spooky

ROXY: thats how it is when she gets like this

KANAYA: What Is She Pointing At

DAVE: oh oh

DAVE: i think i know whats up

DAVE: shes tryin to say theres something important over that way

DAVE: is that right jade

DAVE: can you hear me??

DAVE: jade is it john?

DAVE: johns that way right

DAVE: you want us to go in that direction to find john

DAVE: is that it jade?

DAVE: come on

DAVE: what is it girl tell me

ROXY: omg dave

ROXY: youre treating her like a dog!

DAVE: ok yeah youre right

DAVE: i guess i fuckin suck

DAVE: but she IS a dog ok?

DAVE: a doggy girl whos trying to tell us something

DAVE: just lemme do my thing here

ROXY: .....

DAVE: jade give me a little yelp if johns that way and we should go after him

DAVE: just a little woof

DAVE: if johns in danger yiff twice plz

ROXY: DAVE!

DAVE: shhhhhh!

DAVE: maybe its not john that way maybe its...

DAVE: jade is it...

DAVE: is that where DIRK went?

DAVE: THATS IT

DAVE: thats the way dirk went and she wants us to follow

DAVE: ok wow

DAVE: but what about john

DAVE: is john safe?

DAVE: is john...

DAVE: does he have anything to do with whats going on?

DAVE: what about terezi?

DAVE: is like

DAVE: is john WITH them?

DAVE: jade is john on the ship with dirk and rose??

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT MEAN.

DAVE: it means...

DAVE: i think it means im right

DAVE: dont ask me how i know

DAVE: but i think i got the answers out of her we need

DAVE: dirk and rose are on a ship heading that way

DAVE: and for some fucking reason johns along for the ride

DAVE: we need to saddle the fuck up

DAVE: and wherever we go i think were going to need to bring jade along

KARKAT: RIGHT!

KARKAT: KANAYA, GET JAKE ENGLISH ON THE PHONE.

KANAYA: Okay

KANAYA: Why

KARKAT: BECAUSE WE NEED TO BORROW ONE OF HIS SHIPS.

KARKAT: WE’RE GOING TO GET YOUR *FUCKING WIFE* BACK.

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 Scene cuts to Britin having sex ‘OH SHIT. I was so focused on Brian, i lowkey forgot Blondie is also hot. Get it boys! (The scene is where Justin is on top of Brian riding him) okay, this had to be awkward to film, right? I mean I think I could do it since I’m not shy but this has to be awkward. Bro, if cancer didn’t kill him, Blondie’s ass is about to. (Brian says this has to be a top 5 and he pauses the ep) If this one is in the top 5, what are the other 4? The first time they fucked? After pride when they were all lovey dovey? Ohhh the office fuck? And um..I KNOW I KNOW! The one where blondie fucked Brian! Yeah, youre not slick Bri Bri! *starts ep again* BRIAN IS GONNA BE IN THE MARATHON?! HE is the renowned humanitarian? HES GONNA RIDE A BIKE THROUGH PITTSBURGH? i want to is a really good reason. CANADA?! THEYRE RIDING TO CANADA?! What the fuck? Wait, does that mean that they will ride bikes together? ADORABLE.’ ‘Okay Melanie. You can be hurt and a bitch but no need to be all biphobic. What the fuck? Please tell me this isn’t how gays are anymore towards bis.’ ‘DREW AND EMY ARE AT THE CLUB?! HE ACTUALLY WENT OUT FOR EM! Get it Em! Oh it was just a dream. He took him to an empty restaurant? Fuck him. Emy, I’ll take you out on a date!..fans coming up every two minutes? Who does this guy think he is? Oprah? Fuck him. Id get more fans than him, for sure. On to the next one Emy!’ The scene with Callie’s parents is happening ‘awww Hunter is nervous!! What’s going on? THEY READ HER JOURNAL?! WHAT HAPPENED TO PRIVACY? oh fuck both of them. HOW DID HE GET IT? That is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS YOU LIL SHITHEAD! Excuse you. So because he had sex with her daughter she thinks that gives her the right to know HOW HE GOT IT?! GIRL MIND YOUR BUSINESS cause this ain’t it. NO HUNTER SHUSH DONT TELL THEM SHIT.’ And now we are at spin class ‘so tell me again, why was I deprived of Brian and Justin being workout buddies? Brian baby, you cant do this. You have cancer! Or had. I no longer know what’s up with him. He’s not okay. JUSTIN STOP HIM SINCE HES NOT LISTENING TO ME. Although he listens to Blondie even less than me. Brian. Please stop. IS HE OKAY? Blondie go after him! Why isn’t Blondie going after him?’ ‘Oh no, did she find out Emmett is the other woman?! OH NO. This is all Drews fault. Well Emmetts also but still. SHE WANTS HIM TO PLAN THE WEDDING?! Oh no. Girl.. i think Emmett knows your man more than you know your man. Emy turn her down! You can’t be fucking the groom!’ And we are back to Hunter and Callie ‘HE TOLD THEM? So he fucked men, who hasn’t? I mean, I haven’t but like I think I could show Brian a good time.. what do you think? *looks at me like all this was normal* don’t look at me like that. I could do it!’ ‘Aw Brian and Justin…and Ted. Brian, it’s okay to not be able to do stuff yet. You just got healthy. YES DEBBIE! Finally something smart out of your mouth. Make him live a long life! *throws a fist in the air* YEAH BRIAN! LONG LIFE AND HAPPY AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT’ ‘NO EMMETT NO! WHY ARE WE BACK AT THE MOTEL? Why is no one is listening to me? Okay, i do agree that his career would go to shit if people found out he’s gay but bro. Chill. so he’s bi? *randomly sings bye bye bye by nsync and does the wave dance they do* so lindsay, hunter and drew are bi? Or is this illegal on the show? (Em breaks up with Drew) HELL FUCK YEAH! YOU DONT HIDE! FINALLY SOMEONE LISTENS!’ ‘Hunter you are breaking my heart! Nobody needs to know how you got it. It happened with sex that’s it. HUNTER I LOVE YOU’ ‘BLONDIE! Where is Brian going? Really? He’s still working out? Okay but that first shot before it shows he’s on a bike? Hot. Yeah, i said it. Hot. So he’s really doing this, huh? Well great now I’m worried for more than just cancer’ he then got up to call our mom and tell her that Brian is doing a bike marathon for charity and I quote ‘aren’t you proud? Charity mom! He’s giving back to the people. All while looking pretty’ I think it’s safe to say he has an actual crush on Gale at this point.

Bro, if cancer didn’t kill him, Blondie’s ass is about to. (Brian says this has to be a top 5 and he pauses the ep) If this one is in the top 5, what are the other 4? The first time they fucked? After pride when they were all lovey dovey? Ohhh the office fuck? And um..I KNOW I KNOW! The one where blondie fucked Brian! Yeah, youre not slick Bri Bri!

BROTHER IS ALL OF US. OMG

The Drew, Emy, whatsherface situation is so awkward but also sadly realistic! I hate it but I’m glad it was a storyline.

And yes being bisexual is fucking illegal on this show. Your brother’s right and he should say it. It’s so gross.

He has the biggest crush on Gale… he’s drooling over the sex scenes and the gym scenes. I’m dying.

[hintofelation99]

Bruce, handing Jason a present: Happy birthday Jaylad, I’m so glad you decided to spend this one with the family.

Jason, opening his present: Thanks B, it’s nice to- what is this?

Bruce: It’s a new bag, now you can get rid of the old one.

Jason: My old duffel bag is in perfect condition, why would I get rid of it?

Bruce: Well, I wouldn’t say it’s in perfect condition. It has some pretty bad stains…

Jason: Alfred got most of those out for me. You know that.

Bruce: Well, it- I just- for the love of god Jason you kept drug dealers heads in that bag!

Jason: Exactly, that just proves it’s a sturdy bag!

Bruce: But the bloodstains!

Jason: Are mostly gone!

Bruce: Just throw out the bag Jason!

Jason: No! It’s sentimental!

Bruce: It’s senti- what the fuck Jason?!

Jason: I’ve had that bag since I was a kid, since before you took me off the streets…

Bruce: Oh, Jason I’m sorry I didn’t-

Jason: Nah I’m just kidding I got it at Walmart after I cut off the first drug lords head and realized I had no where to put it.

Bruce:

Jason: Still not throwing it out.

———

Dick: Happy birthday Little Wing! I’m so glad you’re back and celebrating with us, I really went all out on your present this year.

Dick passes Jason a large box.

Jason: Thanks Dickface, I’m happy to-

Dick absolutely giddy.

Jason: Dick, is this my headstone?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: Did you steal my headstone?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: Did you really steal my headstone, wrap it up, and give it to me for my birthday?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: And you thought this was a good idea?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: …

Dick: So, do you like it? Or do you love it?

Jason looks at the headstone, face blank.

Jason: Dick, I- this- this is the best fucking present you ever got me, let’s go hang it!

———

Jason: So, Timmy…

Tim, on the bat computer not paying attention to Jason: What.

Jason: Y’know it’s my birthday, right?

Tim: Of course I do, why else would I be wearing all black.

Jason: Okay, hardy har har, a super boy t-shirt and black sweatpants don’t count as a mourning outfit.

Tim: Keep telling yourself that.

Jason rolls his eyes leans on Tim’s chair. He proceeds to subtly try to annoy Tim.

Tim: What? Did you come here just to annoy me or did you want something?

Jason: Well, now that you ask… what’d you get me for my birthday?

Tim: Nothing.

Jason, looking unimpressed: Really? You got me nothing?

Tim: Yup. Nothing.

Dick walks into the cave looking at some papers, not paying attention.

Dick: Wow Tim, nice job with that new community center! I still can't believe you were able to buy Jason's old apartment complex before they demolished it.

Dick looks up: Oh, hi Jason! Have you visited the Catherine Todd Community Center yet?

Jason turns to Tim who's basically glowing red. Tim tries not to make eye contact.

Jason: Did you turn my old apartment into a community center?!

Tim: No.

Jason: You fucking liar! How did you do that without me noticing?

Tim, whispering clearly embarassed about how much effort he put into Jason's birthday: You were off planet... and I was, uh, bored?

Jason: You are such a little liar you shithead, god fucking dammit Tim!

Tim: I'm sorry okay!

Jason: Why the fuck are you apologizing?! This is the best present ever you asshole!

Tim: Then why do you sound mad?!?!

Jason: IT'S CALLED BEING AGGRESSIVELY HAPPY ASSHOLE! Fuck, you suck... and I love you... you're a good brother... asshole.

Tim: It wasn't just me, Cass helped.

Dick: Cass has been coordinating the after school events, she's surprisingly good at it. Honestly it could be a future career path.

Cass: Maybe.

Everyone jumps.

Jason: Holy shit, when did you get here?!

Cass: Been here.

Cass passes Jason a brochure for the Catherine Todd Community Center.

Cass: Happy birthday!

———

Damian: Todd. I am told that it is tradition to give family members birthday presents. Here is yours.

Damian immediately leaves.

Jason, looking at the box and reading the letter aloud: 'For the next time'?

Jason opens the box.

Jason: YOU GOT ME A SHOVEL YOU ASSHOLE?!?!

———

Duke, passes Jason an envelope: Hey Jay, happy birthday!

Jason, slowly opening the envelope: Thanks Duke.

Jason looks at the two slips of paper and smiles.

Jason: Wait, what? Are these?

Duke: Two tickets to hear Margaret Atwood speak, I thought it might be fun together. I mean- uh, unless you don't want to- you can take Roy or some one else. I know we're technically brothers, but like-

Jason: Shut up Dukie-

Duke: Did you just call me Dookie-

Jason: Shhh, shut up, there's no technically about it. We're brothers and we're gonna go to this talk together and bond and shit.

Duke smiles: Oh, okay, cool.

———

Steph throws a book at Jason's head: Happy birthday asshole.

Jason, looks at it slightly confused: Wait, did you get me a fucking coupon book?

Steph: Yup, I'm not adopted, I don't get that good good Wayne allowance.

Jason, looks at it for a second then shrugs: Fair, wanna go to Olive Garden? I have a buy one get one entree?

Steph: Hell yeah.

———

Babs tosses a bag at Jason, and tries not to smile: Happy birthday.

Jason, pulls a hoodie out of the bag: What the fuck?

Turns the hoodie around to reveal a sweatshirt that says "Red-arse 4ever" With a giant heart.

Babs, trying not to laugh: Do you like it?

Jason glaring at her: I hate you.

Babs: Try it on!

Jason: Fuck you I'm not-

Roy walks in and sees the hoodie.

Roy: Babe! I love it!!

Babs starts crying laughing.

[xoxo-teddybear]

The Silent Treatment - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: slight angst, slice of life, crack(ish?), fluff, cursing

Summary: Bakugou is very much....an asshole. A shithead. A professional dick if you will. And Y/N, being his girlfriend is very much aware of that. So when he takes it too far, she has to make sure he learns his lesson.

A/N: just a quick lil cute thing, totally not spelled check

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

“Hey babe!” Bakugou said as he walked into the living room to find his girlfriend reading a book. He plopped down next to her and just relaxed in the feeling of the soft cushion. The little shit felt like messing with his girlfriend today.

Y/N had already been having a pissy day. After arguing with her boss, forgetting a few items back at the grocery store, and losing her new pair of headphones, she just wanted some peace with her cup of tea and a good book. Now, she has her loving boyfriend to comfort her as well. This day was surely taking a turn...right?

“Hi love, need something?” You asked calmly with the most melodic voice. Your voice. His favorite sound in the world. The sound of you just put a smile on his face which is a huge oxymoron to what this motherfucker is about to say.

“Nah, just wanted to talk to my princess,” he said while resting his head on your stomach, resting in between your legs and wrapping his arms around your waist. You awed at him but didn’t notice his little devil smile. “I had the best dream last night.”

“About what Suki?” You asked while petting his soft hair.

“You.”

“Awweee,”

“Yeahhh. You went mute for the day. Fucking paradise.” Once the words left his mouth you stilled your actions and felt your eye twitch in annoyance. Your hand on his head stilled and slightly tugged at it. In any other circumstance, Bakugou would’ve groaned at the tug (kinky bastard) but he was too busy chuckling into your tummy.

You exhaled roughly through your nose and pushed Bakugou off of you in a very polite way. He rolled onto his back onto the actual couch and watched as you crossed your legs, close your book, and pick up your tea mug.

“Hmph!” Was all that you “said” as you tilted your nose to the air and walked away. Bakugou just snickered as you left. He thought it was adorable when you were mad over tiny inconveniences and thought it was hot as fuck when you were yelling at him, but today, you won’t be doing neither.

—

About 30 minutes had passed and Bakugou had awoken from his nap on the couch. He fell asleep after you walked away but now missed your touch. He sat up, stretched, and went to find you. He walked around the house until he spotted you relaxing in the jacuzzi in the backyard. He grinned at your relaxed look and went to change.

A few minutes later Bakugou had came out to join you in the hot tub. Your eyes were shut as you relaxed in the bubbling water, and so Bakugou was able to get in without being seen. He relaxed into the water as he scooted closer to you, eventually grabbing a hold of your waist.

“Hi baby,” he said as he attempted to place you in his lap but you looked at him with an unimpressed look as you scooted away. “Y/N?”

You grabbed your towel and stepped out of the tub. You wrapped yourself in the cloth as you walked back into the house, completely ignoring Bakugou as he spoke to you.

“Wha- you’re just gonna leave? I just got in with you,” he pouted. He opted to stay in the nice warm water for a bit but once you closed the door he groaned and sunk deeper into the water. He let the water go just above his mouth and right below his nose as he blew bubbles into the tub out of annoyance.

‘The fuck is up with her?’ He thought to himself.

—

Time passed and Bakugou came out the tub. He went back to his room to change into some gray sweats and a black long sleeve (and yes he pulled the sleeves up a bit because he knew you found it attractive and if y’all don’t, well I do).

He walked into the kitchen and spotted you seemingly eating dinner. He noticed a plate for him but kind of frowned at the fact that you didn’t wait for him. He saw you placed the plate on the other side of the island, far away from you, and so he pulled the plate over and took the seat next to you.

“Hey, princess? You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” He asked but you said nothing as you just ate in silence. “Silent treatment huh?” No words.

“Baby, is this about what I said? I was only kidding Y/N,” he said as he tried to wrap his arm around your waist but you pushed it off and he groaned. “Fine. Be that way, you’ll get over it. Come talk to me when you’re done acting like a brat.”

Bakugou just grunted as he ate his dinner in silence right next to you. You finished before him and walked away after you washed your dish and this time it was Bakugou who snubbed his nose in the air at you. If it was the silent treatment that you were gonna give then it was the silent treatment that you were gonna get....sorta.

—

“BABYYYY PLEASSEEEEE!!” He whined while poking at your leg. You were currently in your home office typing away at your computer doing work when Bakugou came in about 25 minutes after he finished his dinner. He couldn’t help himself. He missed you.

You continued to ignore Bakugou as he poked and shook you for attention. You gave him nothing all day and he was getting close to his limit. Please believe he wasn’t getting shit after that brat comment.

“Princessss, c’mon! It was a joke baby, let’s go to sleep, yeah?” He begged. You looked at him with a bored expression and saw his smile as you finally gave him something. You turned back to face your computer and his smile dropped again and was replaced with a scowl. “Y/N, I was just messing with you. I love the sound of your voice and I love you. So quit ignoring me and come give me love!” He demanded.

When he noticed you weren’t budging, he stood from his seat and pinched the bridge of his nose as he mentally counted.

‘1....2...3,’

He gave in and forcefully turned your chair and threw you over his shoulder. You didn’t speak to him but you squirmed and shook trying to get out of his grasp.

“Aye, aye,” he smacked your ass to get you to stop, “quit it. I’m tired, and I want sleep, and we both know I don’t sleep unless my teddy bear is with me, so shush.”

You looked at him when he told you to “shush.” As if you hadn’t been doing that all day. He just squinted his eyes as he knew what you were thinking. “You know what I mean shitty woman!”

Bakugou stormed into your shared bedroom and dropped you onto the mattress. You didn’t even try to run away. You had decided that, yes, you are indeed tired but you refused to give a certain blonde any attention. You stretched on the bed and Bakugou was in awe of your cute state but quickly snapped out of his trance when you turned on your side and gave him your back.

Bakugou got into bed along side you and scooted closer. He pressed himself against your back but once he made contact, you scooted farther away. And so, he scooted himself closer again but just like before, you scooted away. This went on about 2 more times before you scooted and fell off the bed.

“Y/N? You okay, love?” He asked as he looked down at you. You popped up from the floor, on your knees and grumbled to yourself as you vented quietly. You stood up and continued ranting as you tried to walk away to sleep on the couch but before you could get away from the king sized bed, Bakugou grabbed your wrist and pulled you on top of him. “Ignore me all you want but I’m not sleeping without my cuddles.”

You sighed as you gave in. You allowed him to hold you but you refused to speak. Bakugou rubbed circles onto your back as he inhaled your scent but he missed the sound of your voice. The sweet sound that was something similar to honey.

“Baby...I’m sorry.”

You looked at him when he apologized and raised your brow. A verbal, genuine, apology from Katsuki Bakugou? This you’ve gotta see.

“I know I shouldn’t have said that to you and even if I was only kidding......it was pretty fucking mean. ..But I hope you know I love the sound of your damn voice. I love you, dumbass. And I would never ask you to stay silent because....*sigh* ‘cuz your voice, you talking to me, you being with me, and just you in general keeps me sane. So I’m sorry. Okay? And I love you..” he said with a growing blush as he stared at you with a flustered face.

You smiled and went up to peck his lips and then give him a loving kiss. He jumped at the sudden contact but quickly melted into the kiss. He smiled as he finally got to revel in the sweet intimate moments like this. The sweet moments he’s been missing all day.

“I love you too Suki.” Oh how he craved to hear your voice. He loved the sweet sound and missed your loving tone. He pulled you in closer and just held you tight. He doesn’t plan on letting go.

“I’m so sorry. I will never make you upset like that ever again.” He bargained but you only shook your head.

“Katsuki, I was just messing with you today. I had an annoying day and that little joke just sent me over the edge but you know I never take your mean quips to heart. You’re rough around the edges but that’s just who you are and I don’t mind it. I love everything about you, even if you’re a jerk sometimes,” you teased and flicked at his nose. You giggled as he whined and tried to soothe the spot you hit. “You don’t have to censor yourself around me. Okay?”

Bakugou smiled even more. He loves you so damn much. Not only did you know he was just a little abrasive, but you accepted him for all his brunt behavior. You truly did love him. “Thanks princess,”

He sealed the deal with a sweet kiss to your temple as you giggled at the warm feeling of his soft lips. He pulled you down to his chest as you both cuddled up for the night. You sleeping is the only time Bakugou will ever be okay with you being silent. But never again will he ever allow himself to get the silent treatment.

A/N: Guys, I’m so sorry. I’ve been in such a slump and I feel like im reaching a writers block. It’s not even like I don’t have any ideas, I do! And I even have multiple unfinished pieces in my drafts but I just don’t have any motivation to finish :( sorry Cubs, don’t worry, I’ll try my best to finish them as quick as I can. Idk, should I take a break?

I’m already in the middle of a story and I don’t wanna leave those who are reading on a cliffhanger.

[emwritesstuff]

housesitting | bucky barnes x reader

summary: Housesitting for Steve Rogers has many perks. The man has the comfiest bed you’ve ever slept in; his coffee machine is top tier; and he also pays for every single streaming service you could think of, because he doesn’t wanna miss anything.

You can hardly see how Bucky Barnes stumbling into his apartment at 3 am with multiple wounds is one of them. But I guess it might be?

notes: this is my attempt at a more ~comedy centered one-shot, with some making out in the middle because uh, who doesn’t like that? In other news, reader is Chaotic. Canon mcu (Infinity War/Endgame) is non-existent in this.  (word count: 3K)

warnings: language, mentions of blood, gunshot wounds, general patching up shenanigans, some making out/grinding but not quite third base

[PART 2: breaking and entering]

Housesitting for Steve Rogers has many perks. The man has the comfiest bed you’ve ever slept in; his coffee machine is top tier; and he also pays for every single streaming service you could think of, because he doesn’t wanna miss anything. An old popsicle thing, you assume.

It’s peaceful, too. The neighborhood is nice and quiet, the other tenants are either extremely polite or too scared of Captain America to make much noise. You’ve had very nice stay-cations at his place, where you were free to choose to binge The Office while eating an entire pizza in the spam of 2 episodes or taking advantage of the quiet to write your grad-school thesis.

So when a loud BANG almost makes you drop your coffee mug on the floor, your spidey senses are immediately on alert. You don’t care how many times Peter insisted that it wasn’t a thing, your arm hairs stood up and your heart started hammering on your chest all the same.

You contemplate squeezing under the bed, turning off the show that was long abandoned and hiding until whatever it is goes away, but before you can do any of that, a string of sharp cursing and soft thumps and thuds snaps you out of your fear.

Maybe it’s a burglar. You could take a clumsy burglar, easy.

Now feeling like Tony had just welcomed you into the Avengers, you hop off Steve’s bed and let your baby Yoda socked feet carry you stealthily into the living room, holding a table lamp as if it was a baseball bat.

Everything is quiet, with no signs of forced entry at the door (you remember someone on Law and Order using those words), and in the dark you don’t notice the bloody trail coming from the kitchen.

You’re imagining things, then. When was the last time you slept? You don’t even feel tired, but you know sleep deprivation always gets you all kinds of crazy.

It happens the second your arm falls to your side and your posture shows the slight of relaxation. A strong arm around your neck and a hand against your mouth to muffle the screaming.

In the quiet of Steve’s apartment building, there is only you shrieking and howling and thrashing against the hold of a stranger.

“Don’t fuckin’ move.” You still.

And then you bite into the hand that is muting you, immediately regretting it when your teeth sink into something hard. Metal? Concrete? Ouch. You resume your resistance, determined, and is shoved away.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Who the fuck are you.” His voice is gruff and dulled over the mask he is wearing, and as you’re taking this giant of a man in, you notice it.

The metal arm. The strapped leather jacket. The tortured blue eyes.

Winter Soldier.

The intruder is James “Bucky” Barnes, Steve’s best friend. That’s who the fuck it is.

“I’m Steve’s house sitter! I even have a key.” You say, with arms in front of you to signal no harm but inching closer to the table lamp with every step.

“House…sitter? Where’s Steve?”

“Who knows. Maybe a mission. He texts me, I come over.” You shrug, and put a chair back to where it was before it got knocked over.

“I don’t believe you. Where is Steve?”

“Listen, I don’t know, okay? I guess he’s just out for a few days. I don’t ask. He just lets me stay in here so I can water the plants and feed the Avengers.”

“The– the what?”

“The Avengers! The fish, see.” You point to the aquarium, where a handful of colorful fish swam peacefully in.

Peace. So much for your peace, because now what you have is a surly super soldier eyeing the fish tank like it was the most loathsome thing in the entire universe, except maybe for you.

“I hate this thing. Naming them makes it even worse.” He trudges back to the kitchen, stomping on the floor like he was on a parade.

So much for the other people’s peace, too.

“Hey! Sir. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s 3 in the fucking morning?” You sass, putting your hands on your hips when he retorts that yeah, he does know. “What are you even doing here?”

“Back from a mission.” He grumbles without looking at you, as if you’re the one who stumbled into his place in the middle of the night.

It wasn’t your place, but still.

“Don’t you have a house?” There’s a part of you that knows pushing the Winter Soldier’s buttons is asking for trouble, but your tired and confused brain decides to ignore it.

“You interrogating me? I need a motherfucking– ” He wheezes and nearly doubles over, holding on the door frame between the living room and the kitchen. You finally spot the blood, both on the tiles and seeping out of the Soldier’s jacket and pants.

He’s hurt. Shit.

“– first aid kit.”

“You need a motherfucking hospital!” You shrill, panic chilling your bones. You don’t do blood. Or any kind of wound, for that matter.

The man ignores you, opening up cabinets hastily. You huff, and walk past him to get to the actual home of the first aid kit. Steve’s oldest, closest friend and can’t even find a box with pharmaceutical supplies in his kitchen. You slam it on the counter next to him.

“You’re welcome.”

“Zip it.”

Just a look from him is enough to render you speechless, and not in the good, butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of way. You’re positive that one swat of that metal arm and you’ll be flying out of the window.

He begins by removing his mask, revealing a handsome face underneath, and you try your best to focus on how dark and menacing it looked while locked in that scowl of his. Then, he unbuckles his jacket and discards it on the floor, it coming to a stop next to your feet.

Oh man, he’s naked. Well, not really, just the incredibly toned, strong and muscular top half of him, but you stare wide-eyed as if he was.

“See somethin’ you like, doll?” He quips, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, and you turn your back to him, mostly to hide your own embarrassment.

“No.” You cross your arms resolutely, because you definitely don’t think he’s attractive. He is a rude, grumpy, private-property-invader-bastard. Doll. Yuck.

You hear a rumble come out of his chest. Is he laughing? Shithead. Other noises follow, wheezes, small grunts and the tinkle of metal on the marble counter.

A particular pained grunt makes you turn, and you see Barnes with his body twisted, trying to reach a bloody hole on his back. It would be funny if he wasn’t trying to poke a gunshot.

“Do you need… help?” You ask, against your own will, only to be met with his icy gaze.

“No.”

“Come on, you can’t even reach that.”

Another glare is shot your way, and you quirk your brow up. He did need the help, you think, because aside from the muscles and the sweat making him glisten like a delicious – wait what – glazed donut, the man looked like hell.

“…fine.” He slides a pair of surgical prongs, something you identify in your head as oversized tweezers, and you instantly regret your offer. Pressing an iodine-soaked cotton ball to a wound, sure. But not this.

He turns his back to you without a word, supporting himself on the marble. You think that he’s about to make a dent on the goddamn stone if he keeps holding onto it that hard.

“Ah, fuck. Shit. Fuck. Ugh, it’s so gross. Fuck.”

It’s the most horrifying thing you’ve ever done, but you try your best to get to the bullet quickly, so very thankful that Barnes holds himself perfectly still for you. “Got it!”

He lets out a long breath when you toss the prongs and the bullet on the counter with the rest and resumes his cleanup. So, he’s not even going to say thanks. Great.

You try not to think about how you still want to make conversation while you hurriedly scrub the blood from your hands, because aside from the hostility and him jumping on you as a meet-cute, the guy peeks your interest.

Steve has said Barnes is nice, too, and you believed Steve, because he’s basically incapable of lying. Or maybe because he’s pretty. Both, for sure.

With your hands now clean, you turn to him, mouth open with some kind of conversation starter that is immediately forgotten.

Oh man, he’s naked. For real this time.

Bucky Barnes has stepped out of his pants while you were overthinking by the sink, now standing in only a pair of black boxers. It’s like he feels you staring at his butt, because he turns to you with raised eyebrows.

“Last one’s on my thigh. I got it.” He’s holding the prongs this time, and you’re glad you don’t have to do anything, because your face next to that groin might make you go into spontaneous combustion.

“Yeah.”

He hums. You hope all of this is a fever dream.

“Isn’t there a med bay at–”

“Don’t like people prodding and pokin’ at me.” His comment makes you grimace. He’s the Winter Soldier, damn it. You know the stories, everyone does. Of course he doesn’t like being prodded.

He looks at you funny, probably because you went dead quiet. You don’t want him to think you feel pity, because you don’t, but god don’t you feel bad for poking him now, even if verbally.

“I’m gonna – grab one of Steve’s – uh. Dude you need to put some clothes on. Jesus.”

He laughs at you again, which you’re thankful for because anything is better than the awkwardness of the other subject. You pick up a black pair of sweatpants that was so deep in one of Steve’s drawers that you know he’d have to have bought it and never had the guts to put it on. This one would do just fine.

If there is one thing Steve Rogers isn’t, is a black sweats guy.

“Here.” You deposit the sweats and a white tee on the counter, one of the millions that you found inside the closet. Barnes was patching himself up now, bandages wrapped everywhere on his body.

Got his ass kicked good. You shudder when you imagine the state of the other guy.

He eyes the clothes, and saying nothing, returns to his task. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“I didn’t ask you to help me.”

“Yeah, but I did anyways! ‘Cause I’m stupid, I guess.” You almost hurl a dirty plate at him when he scoffs, muttering a yeah, guess you are. “God, why are you so grumpy?”

“Well you try being shot 5 times and see how cheerful you are after.”

“You got shot 5 times?!”

Looking at you from between his brows, the Soldier nods to the five mangled bullets sitting on the counter. You think about how you’ve made yourself a sandwich just hours earlier on the exact same spot. You want to puke.

Taking time to look around yourself, you can finally grasp the state of Steve’s ever-so-pristine kitchen, now a mess of dirty clothes, blood and your own few dishes from the night before. You don’t even think about what you’re doing as you move, gathering every single cleaning supply you can find, and start working on the cleanup.

You’re struggling, because obviously you’ve never done this before. Anyone can tell, from your soft abdomen and your severe lack of muscle, that you’re not an Avenger. Sure, you work with them, but you’re usually neck deep into advanced tech, not in the gym by any means. Also, you don’t do blood.

That means you have to think about something else, anything else, while you’re manically cleaning the floor. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, the Winter Soldier’s tight ass, four sheep, get it together goddamnit –

“Leave it. I’ll clean.”

You huff, he huffs back, and you look up at him.

“You got shot five times. Go sit down or something before you blow your back too, grandpa.” You call him that to assure yourself that he is old, like actually super old, and thirsting over him is weird. Even weirder when he’s all bandaged and bleeding. And still shirtless. Shit.

He mumbles something that you ignore, and stomps off. You think you actually did a pretty decent job with the cleaning, considering.

You need coffee. Definitely an entire bottle of vodka too, but there was no alcohol in this god’s good home, so you settle for the brew that you made earlier. You pour a mug for Barnes too, because you’re nice like that, and amble into the living room to find him slumped on a chair.

“Coffee?” You start, settling his mug on the table next to him.

“It’s almost 5 a.m.”

“Guess I’m up early for once. Maybe I should go for a run.”

He snorts, and opens one eye to inspect you from where he is. He reaches out for the coffee, using his metal hand, and you consider the two ways this could go.

He’d shatter the mug right then and there. Or, he’d throw it at you. Your jaw goes slack at what he actually does, sirens blaring loudly in your head. Truly astonishing, the most bewildering turn of events.

He drinks from it.

“Thanks. Quit staring at me.”

“Wow, Mr. Winter knows the magic words. Mr. Barnes. Sergeant?” You’re thinking aloud, abandoning any trace of sanity you’ve been holding. You even sit on the couch next to his armchair.

“It’s Bucky,”

Again, absolutely bewildering. You must be going insane.

“– and you talk too much.” He finishes, with an end-of-story tone, and returns to his rest. At least that felt like normality.

“Bucky. Bucky.” You roll the name on your tongue, feeling a weird buzz start to take over you. It grows stronger when you notice he’s looking at you, one brow quirked as if you lost your marbles. “You know, Bucky, this is definitely not how I saw my night going. Home invasion, playing surgeon – not my usual kind of fun.”

You get up, maybe because you decide that you – and Bucky – need a blanket, or maybe because you need a distraction from his chest going up and down like it’s got a business with making you want to touch it.

You’re not a slut, but who knows? Jim Halper would get it.

“You’re that kid, aren’t you? Stark’s assistant.” Bucky’s voice, low and husky, makes you jump. You look at him, your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

It’s surprising that he knows you, considering. He’s – well, he’s basically a celebrity, if ex-assassins could be considered that. You’re only Tony’s techie, and you and Bucky have never actually met, not even in the few parties you had attended to stop your boss from nagging you that you had to actually go out and have some fun sometimes, because you’re still young and cute and you need to enjoy yourself before you get saggy and bitter.

Jokes on him, you were born bitter.

“I’m no kid.”

“Nice socks.”

You wiggle your toes and it makes the ears of one of the baby Yodas move.

“Still not a kid! If you wanna be sad and wear your sad, plain socks, Bucky, that’s entirely your choice.” You said, pointing your index at him, making circles in the air with it to really get your point across.

Bucky smirks, and you go up to him with the two blankets on your arms. He’s blocking the door with that bulky body of his, and you raise your eyebrows quizzically.

“I’ll have you know – meeting Steve’s annoying, mouthy, pretty house sitter is not how I saw my night going either.” Bucky puts a doubtful tone on house sitter, as if he still doesn’t get exactly what it means.

You blink. You’re positive you heard it wrong. Is he… is this flirting?

“You think I’m pretty?”

“I called you annoying and mouthy too.”

“Yeah, I mean I know that much about me.” You chuckle, rolling your eyes. “The pretty part is new though.”

Bucky still hasn’t moved from the doorframe, and you find yourself staring up at him. He is inches away now, pupils blown wide in the darkness, and you can see a ring of steely blue around them. He licks his lips, and you’re drawn in.

The maelstrom in his eyes sends you spinning.

“I think someone should say you’re not see through, much less–”

Bucky shuts you up by pressing his lips onto yours, a slow, exploratory kiss, the tenderest he’s been all night. His metal hand rests on your lower back, making you shiver at the cool touch.

You’re all panting and eagerness when you cup his face with both hands and press your body against his. You need to deepen this kiss. You haven’t drooled over Bucky Barnes all night to keep things lovey-dovey.

He responds in earnest, pulling you closer. The flesh hand on the back of your neck is a stark contrast against the chill of the other. You and Bucky stumble from the corridor and back to the living room, knocking over a few of Steve’s decorations in the process.

“I don’t feel as bad for this one.” You mumble against his lips, stopping to look at a particular framed picture of Captain America in uniform, surrounded by every single counterfeit Cap in Times Square.

“S’ one of his favorites.”

You nod, you’re aware. Steve thinks it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

Bucky’s breath tickles the hairs on your neck when he continues.

“I hate it.”

“Yeah.”

You capture his lips again, and you two resume your chaotic redecorating. You’re thankful for Bucky’s strong arms keeping you from falling over, because at this point you’re not sure if your legs work anymore.

He takes you with him when he drops down on the same armchair from earlier, and the dizzy spell you find yourself in is broken when you hear him groan.

Right. He’s battered up and stuff.

“Shit, Bucky, I’m sorry–”

“No.” He pulls you close again, and guides your body to straddle one of his thighs. “Stay right here, doll.”

Doll. God-fucking-damnit.

His hand moves under the elastic band of your pants, oh my god you’re making out with Bucky-Hot-Piece-Of-Ass-Barnes in your wiener dog pajama bottoms, and finds the hem of your underwear. He pulls on it, and you yelp when he lets it snap against your side.

He laughs, and you vibrate along with his chest.

You find yourself grinding on his leg, sucking on his bottom lip, raking your nails along his shoulders, doing anything, everything for more, trying to burn the taste and the feel of him on your memory. He moves on to kiss your neck and you sigh, tugging on his hair and making sure you’re holding on for dear life.

Your eyes flutter open, enough to see the fish Avengers in their tank.

The Avengers.

Steve Rogers is an Avenger. So is Bucky, technically.

You’re making out with Bucky. One of his hands is on your boob.

This is Steve’s apartment.

You manage to sober you up enough, despite Bucky’s constant attacks of open mouth kisses and bites on your neck.

“I don’t think Steve would – if we–” You lift your head begrudgingly to look at him. “You know, on his armchair.”

“Right.” He didn’t seem convinced, but his hand moved up from your butt to your waist again.

Steve Rogers was probably miles away right now and still cockblocking you.

Even worse, his furniture was cockblocking you.

Stupid star-spangled IKEA shopper.

And his hot best friend. Who’s currently smiling at you in a such a way that makes you almost abandon all comradery towards Rogers and the sanctity of his place.

You debate getting up, but resign yourself to burying your nose in the crook of Bucky’s neck and just staying there, because honestly, when are you going to have the chance to do this again. Never, that’s when.

Also, he’s surprisingly comfortable for someone with a metal arm and such a jacked-up body.

“You’re sleepy.”

“No, I’m like, super awake.”

It’s a lie, because now that the sparks have flown and the rush of blood in your ears gave way to the quietness of the early morning, you feel yourself drifting, on and off, surprising yourself when you come to once and find that Bucky is still there, warm under you.

“Sleep, doll. I need it too.”

You shift, ready to let his rhythmic breathing lull you to sleep. The last 75 sleepless hours catch up with you.

“Bucky? If you want to break into someone’s house again sometime – I have a first aid kit too. Just sayin’.”

[ghost-ghost-baby]

Narcissist (alpha!readerxOmega!Bakugo soulmate au)

An: this is heavily inspired by the song narcissist by younger hunger definitely recommend listening to it!

An: BIG TY TO MY BETA FOR EDITING THIS ABSOLUTE MONSTER OF A FIC WE STAN!

Word count: 3.2k (ur welcome)

Summary: Bakugo being a little shit basically- Mina and Denki r sick of him- reader runs out of scent blockers-

Warnings: omegaverse, swearing, Bakugo being a dick, reader just thinks he’s hot, gets a bit spicy but nothing graphic, non traditional dynamics (subby alphas) drug use (weed)

You were in a familiar room, one you’d come to love since you’d started dreaming of it, and you sat on the bed and waited… any moment now.

“Oi, are you here, shithead?” The voice of your omega was dreamier than it was in real life; his harsh words unable to punctuate the tranquility of your dream.

“I always am, Katsuki!” You chirped, grinning as he slowly faded into existence. The black tank top and jeans he wears make him look far too good, and your brain short-circuited for a few seconds.

“I told you not to fucking call me that!” He growled, but you only laughed. Reaching out to grab his hands before he could stop you, you pull him down so you could kiss him. Any anger he had quickly melted away, and Katsuki had pulled one hand away to rest on your shoulder and pushed back. You got the point, you pulled away for air and leaned back on your elbows as you did. Katsuki followed and straddled you without a moment of hesitation. His mouth latched onto your neck and you let out a hum. With one hand gravitating to tangle in his hair, he gave you another push that had you lying flat on your back.

“Hey-”

“Shut the fuck up, don’t ruin this.” Katsuki bit down on your throat and you squeaked, although he licked over the mark seconds later to soothe it, and only pulled away to kiss you when you tried to talk again. You melted, let your hands wander down to his thighs, and had your thumbs rubbing absent-minded circles. Then, Katsuki was unbuttoning the shirt you had on, hands quickly trailing lower to-

“Y/N! Did you hear what Mr. Aizawa said?” Mina’s voice brought you back from the dream you had the night before, and you blinked at her as you blanked.

“No way I'm working with their dumbass!” Katsuki snarled as Kiri forced him into a seat at your table, and you turned your head to Sero with a questioning look. He usually knew what was going on in class.

“We have a group project for a presentation, Mr. Aizawa picked the groups-”

“Oh hell yeah, all my best bro’s working together? Sounds like fun to me!” Denki leaned over to hug you and Mina, and the pieces started to click together. You were working on an art project, with your mate, who hate-

“How could anything be fun with Y/n around, they fucking ruin everything.” Katsuki grumbled to himself, refusing to meet your eyes despite sitting opposite you. Kiri mouthed an apology to you from his seat next to Katsuki. Honestly, you had no idea why he’d decided to act like… such a brat really, but it was just an act, however annoying it was. The two of you were soulmates, he’d come around, eventually.

“Oh hush, Bakugo, Y/n’s a riot and we all know it! You’re the one who goes to sleep at like, 8pm” Denki came to your aid. The electric blonde then pressed a kiss to your cheek that had Katsuki gritting his teeth.

“So, what's the project, guys?” You flipped through your book to a fresh page, resting your chin on your hand as you waited for the others to speak.

“We have to show the versatility of styles and composition under a singular theme!” Kiri was the one that answered you, and the group immediately started throwing around ideas.

“I think we could do horror, a lot of horror artists have different composition styles and still manage to convey the-”

“Tch, that’s the best you could come up with? I’m not surprised, an alpha as shitty as you can’t be capable of any decent ideas.” Katsuki sneered, but you only smiled at him as the group agreed with your idea. Your omega merely grumbled and hunched over in his seat as the group discussed the different artists you could use as examples.

You’d stayed late to double-check something with a professor, and you were still flipping through your notebook as you walked through the unusually empty halls. You weren’t paying attention to where you were going, and before you knew it you ran into someone, the same someone who shoved you against a wall seconds later, but your fear subsided when you realised it was just Katsuki.

“Watch where you’re fucking going, dipshit.” Katsuki wasn’t even sure why he’d pushed you up against the wall, but being this close to you, touching you… it was..nice…

“Tch, god your scent is so weak, you smell like a fucking beta, how’d I get stuck with such a runt, huh? Some sick kind of joke.” Katsuki’s tone didn't match what he was saying. The way he leaned forward to rub his cheek over your scent gland definitely said otherwise, but you stayed quiet, he always found some excuse to scent you, but he’d usually get embarrassed and storm off if you dared to say anything.

“You’re pathetic, you know? Being this submissive for an omega, are you sure you’re not a beta? It’d make more sense.” You bit your lip when Bakugo pressed a kiss to your neck, only hesitating a moment before he started sucking a mark onto your skin. His words bounced right off of you because all you could focus on was how hot he was and how he’d subconsciously put his thigh between your legs and thank fuck you were on scent blockers, or you’d never hear the end of it.

“Really, you aren’t even going to try and defend yourself? You’re even weaker than I thought.” A growl next to your ear made you shiver, and Katsuki pushed away with a snarl when he was satisfied. He cursed at you again and warned you ‘not to tell anyone or he’d kick your ass’ (he wouldn’t) before he walked away, leaving you to walk home with your head completely in the clouds.

“What took you so fucking long, huh idiot?” Katsuki was on you the second you appeared in the dream, pulling you down into a rather ferocious kiss before you could say anything. He bit your lip when you didn’t open your mouth fast enough, swallowing any protests you would have made, and continued to kiss you until you were dizzy. “I’ve been waiting two hours…” He pulled away to kiss under your jaw, and if you didn’t know him so well you’d miss the insecure tone in his voice.

“Sorry, Midoriya wanted-” You stopped when Katsuki growled, biting down so hard you were surprised he didn't draw blood.

“Why the fuck are you saying his name here, huh? Are you tryna piss me off?” He pulled away to sneer at you. You opened your mouth to explain, but the words died in your throat when he unzipped your hoodie, and any coherent thought you had went out the window when he started to kiss your neck.

Everything was ready. The lounge room was set up, complete with snacks, drinks, and stationery for you and your friends to work on the project. They were meant to be here any second, and you couldn’t help but hover near the door to your apartment. You weren’t used to having people over and it still put you on edge having others in your space. But that thought left your head when a knock sounded on your door. You quickly opened it and were almost knocked over by Denki and Mina engulfing you in a hug.

“Thanks so much for hosting bro!”

“Awww you laid out all these snacks and stuff too! An omega’s gonna be really lucky to have you one day Y/n!” They pushed inside. Denki closed the door as Mina oohed and aahed over the setup, their praise had a slight blush rising to your face as you sheepishly rubbed your neck. Sero was next, quickly hugging you before he joined Denki and Mina, then Katsuki and Kirishima last. The blonde pushed past you without saying hello, but Kiri pulled you into a hug so tight you couldn’t breathe for a second, and was complimenting the setup as you took a seat. You tried to sit next to Mina, but Denki let out a whine and the pair was pulling you down between them before you had time to protest. Denki immediately leaned on you once you were settled. Katsuki couldn’t focus on the project, how could he, when his two dipshit friends were all over his mate. And you weren’t even doing anything to stop them! In fact, you were leaning into their hugs and giggling at every stupid joke they made! It had Katsuki fuming. Kirishima was the only one close enough to smell the angry shift in his scent, and he glanced between his friend and you, slowly putting the pieces together. You really had no idea what was happening, but Denki’s head was on your shoulder, and Mina’s arm around your waist as she asked questions about the project, giggling and pressing a kiss to your cheek whenever you got confused, which happened more than you’d like to admit. The blonde gritted his teeth when Mina’s hand went to your thigh, you were his! Nobody else should ever be touching you like that! You should know better! So when you excused yourself to grab something from your room, of course he made up some excuse about needing the bathroom so he could follow you.

The door to your room closed with a click, and you quickly spun around, expecting to see Mina or Denki, anyone except Katsuki to be honest.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He was seeing red at this point. He cornered you and made you stumble back until your waist hit your desk.

“Uh- getting more pens-?” You held out the pack of pens with a confused look on your face that only made Katsuki angrier. How were you so stupid? And so fucking cute when you were- he cut off that thought, he needed to focus on yelling at you. Not the way your brows furrowed and how you nervously bite your lip as you waited for him to say something. Wait- were you blushing? Fuck, maybe he should-

“Katsuki? Are you oka-“

“Shut the fuck up, dipshit.” He snarled. Then, catching you both off guard, he leaned forward and kissed you. Your eyes fluttered closed immediately. He’d only kissed you in your dreams, which was nothing compared to this, and you hesitantly placed your hands on his waist. His hands went to your hair to pull you closer, tugging it until you got the message and parted your lips for him. Katsuki let out a hum of approval as he deepened the kiss, why hadn’t he done this sooner? You couldn’t focus on anything other than how much Katsuki tasted like caramel, he didn’t taste like caramel in the dreams. You couldn’t help but whine when he pulled back. Another insistent tug on your hair had you tilting your head back, and Katsuki didn’t waste any time kissing over your neck. You were so lost in the feeling you almost missed the words he growled against your skin.

“You should know better, you’re mine. Other people shouldn’t be fucking touching you like that.”

“Do you think they’re like…. Finally-” Mina made a hand gesture that had Denki cackling, even Kiri cracked a smile.

“I hope so, it’s getting hard to watch all the back and forth.” Sero sighed, dropped his pen, and stretched.

“Yeah, have you seen how mad Bakubro gets though? It’s pretty fun to push his buttons like this!” Denki grinned as he leaned his head on Mina’s shoulder, and she wrapped her arm around his waist.

“I don’t know… Bakugo’s uh… stubborn, to put it nicely.”

“Your scent is weird… are you wearing a different perfume?” Mina leaned her head on your shoulder, arms wrapped around your waist as you glanced at Katsuki. After whatever the fuck had happened in your room, he’d gone back to acting like he hated you, so, you’d kept letting Denki and Mina do whatever they wanted. He had his eyes fixated on the work, and you turned back to Mina with a smile.

“Oh, sorry about that! I forgot to refill my scent blockers and my doctor’s not available until next week.”

“Don’t be sorry, bro! It’s nice, like really, really nice!” Denki came up behind you, throwing a quick glance at Katsuki before he leaned forward, crooning and rubbing his cheek over your scent gland, Mina doing the same a moment later. The pen Katsuki was holding snapped, his angry scent pumping out in waves as he glared daggers into the book in front of him, all too aware of you laughing.

You were hyper-aware of how strong your scent was, this was the longest you’d gone without scent blockers since you’d presented, and you’d lit a scented candle to try and cover it up. It hadn’t really worked, maybe you should light some incense-

“Y/n! Sorry we’re early!” Mina’s hand on your shoulder broke you from your thoughts, and you shook your head before you smiled. Denki cut you off before you could apologize about your scent.

“Damn Y/n! It smells like you baked cookies- oh my god did you bake-”

“Don’t be stupid, babe, it’s just their scent.” Mina shoved him inside, shaking her head as she followed and closed the door behind her.

“Oh! Of course!” Denki nodded, and he and Mina linked arms with you. They walked you over to the couch and sat you all down with grins on their faces.

“Uh… guys-?” You didn’t trust that look, it never leads to anything good.

“Well, since the project is like, 99.5% done-” Mina started, hand coming up to play with your hair.

“We thought we deserved a reward!” Denki interrupted, reaching into his bag and producing a blunt. You felt your own grin forming.

“Oh my god- is that from-”

“Shinso! You know he sells the best stuff on campus, I decided to splurge for my bros!” Denki looked incredibly pleased with himself, and you couldn’t help but tackle the blonde in a hug.

“Oh my god Denki, you’re the best!”

The three of you were blazed by the time the others got there. Sero happily bounced over to share the blunt, while Katsuki and Kiri just sighed and sat down with you. Katsuki’s eyes instantly zoned in on where you were lying on Mina and Denki on the couch. He was oddly silent as he tried to keep his cool, the nagging thoughts that had always been there slowly got stronger. He’d always had to be strong, people perceived him as weak just because of his dynamic, so he’d rejected the thought of being with an alpha, hoping for a beta or omega. Or you. You never made a big deal out of your dynamic, and always treated him as an equal. Then the dreams started. He loved you, he really did! But his whole reputation would go down the drain if he was claimed by an alpha, especially one with such a weak scent and mild presence. So…. he pretended to hate you in public because the two of you had your dreams, where nobody could judge him! Even if they did pale in comparison to real life. But lately… he couldn’t stop wondering… were you getting tired of waiting? With the way you were acting… the thought made his stomach turn and his canines come out. Especially since you had run out of blockers. Your scent getting stronger and stronger as the days went by. You were his alpha! You shouldn’t be scenting other people! Especially omegas! And you certainly shouldn’t be laying on them while you were ignoring him! You hadn’t even said hello to him! You were too busy getting high with those assholes like you didn't belong to him! You were his, it wasn’t fair!

Mina was the last out of the apartment. She kissed your cheek and winked at you as the door closed. The exhaustion set in as you leaned against the door.

“What the fuck was that?” Katsuki growled and made you startled when you saw him by the table. You only shrugged as you went to pack up the stuff on the couch.

“Denki got us some weed because the project was done-”

“Not that, dickhead! They were all over you!” He marched over to you, trying to ignore how good you smelled up close.

“And? We’re not-” You responded, and Katsuki was shoving you before he realized, ignoring the way you yelped as you fell on the couch. You sprawled on your back and glaring up at him.

“Katsuki! What the fuck!” Katsuki didn’t reply, eyes traveling over your vulnerable form. Flush rose to his face as he realized how provocative the position was, causing warmth to pool in his tummy. If kissing was so much better in reality, what would it be like to be inside you? Feel you clench around him and pull his hair when he hit your sweet spot? Would your thighs shake the same in real life when he just kept going? The omega didn’t even realize his scent had changed, he just licked his lips and stared at you with hooded eyes, fuck he wanted-

“Are you okay? You zoned out.” Fuck, when had you gotten up? You were so close now, your scent overwhelming. He never wanted you to go on blockers again.

“Fuck, Katsuki! Katsuki! Are you in heat?” It finally dawned on you. Katsuki’s scent had taken on a sweeter tone it didn’t usually have, and with the way he kept zoning out, it was obvious. Plus thoughts of him on top of you that wouldn’t leave your brain alone. Your question snapped him out of his daze, and the omega snarled at you, stepping back and stumbling when a jolt of pain went through him.

“Fuck off, like you could trigger-” His voice cut off as another wave of pain went through him, causing you to reached out to steady him without thinking. The omega was going to let out a growl but it quickly changed to a whine as it escaped his mouth. You pulled your hand back like it had burned, although your mate’s temperature was so high it wasn’t out of the question. You took two steps back and froze when a feral snarl ripped through the room, dark red eyes pinning you in your place.

“He-hey Katsuki…” Your voice stopped his growling, and it took every ounce of self-control you had to stay coherent as he advanced, your rut already trying to cloud your judgment. Your eyes darted around the room, maybe you could make it to the bathroom? Then Katsuki could ride out his heat and you could talk about it? yeah. Katsuki was only a foot away from you now, the grin he had on was somehow more unsettling than the snarl, and you shook your head to get some of your resolve back. Okay, three, two, one-

You made it maybe ten centimeters before Katuski caught you, and pushed you back down on the couch. He wasted no time sitting on your lap and tilting your face up to look into his eyes.

“You’re not getting away from me, Alpha. I know you want this. I should have done this months ago.” Sincerity shone through your omega’s lidded eyes, and you felt your small shred of resolve shrink away even more. Your hands flew to his chest to push him away.

“Ka-Katsuki it’s just- just your heat, you don’t mean-“

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t mean, alpha.” Katsuki was back to growling at you. His hands grabbed your wrists, pinned them down, and used his knees to keep them in place. He went back to cupping your face, red eyes boring into yours as he thought of what to say and a growl leaving him whenever you dared to look away. You were so, so obnoxiously pretty, it made it even harder to focus. Katsuki kept getting distracted by little details, like how your eyes shone and you kept biting your lip.

“You’re so fuckin stupid, ya know that? Of course, I fuckin want you, you’re my alpha- I don’t… I don’t care what other people think anymore, I just want you.” Katsuki’s tone was softer than you expected, and you could only gape at him as a blush quickly rose to your face. You knew he didn’t hate you, but hearing him say that lifted a weight off your shoulders you’d been carrying for who knows how long. The moment passed, all the softness went away as Katsuki leaned down to kiss you, and this time you kissed him back without any reservations.