#and we've told you this
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we're being forced out of our home (again) and into a much less secure and stable living situation and we're severely traumatized and haven't had a fucking day to catch our breath and what matters more to you is imposing your narc abuse rhetoric on us and implying that targeting our "narc abuse trauma" will fix us I'm going to fucking kill myself
#⛪.martyr#fuck you mom#we literally have npd#and we've told you this#she fucking hates us i can fucking tell#vent
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Siffrin: Hey, Stardust, any ideas for this loop?
@chipper-smol This is how I picture the start of 80% of their conversations going after awhile in role reversal au.
#isat#isat spoilers#loop isat#siffrin isat#TECHNICALLY#in stars and time#isatrolereversalau#rolereversalau#this has been in my head all day#listen they're still siffrin even if loopfrin told them everything siffrin would still find a way to say 'okay but how do you know MY-#-FRIENDS would accept me. We've done different things!!!' to which loopfrin apologizes to Loop in their head for having to deal with this#siffrin would rather chew their arm off than Talk About Their Feelings so uh. Might take a bit for them to get there even with loopfrin#im not redoing all the tags but loopsif is the name for clover star siffrin not loopfrin#i had a fifty fifty and beefed it ooop#my posts
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - Scala ad Caelum
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#scala ad caelum#scenery#my gif#man... this world is truly breathtaking#it's so unlike any other place we've ever visited in these games#there's such an impressive amount of detail everywhere you look#i can't help but wander the streets imagining what it'd be like to see it full of people crowding around the shops and chatting happily#it's so clean that it feels like it'd be some kind of wind powered utopia#as nice as it is it does feel rather isolated#especially knowing that (quick dark road spoilers) we're told that the neighboring cities are completely desolate#it's a rather unsettling fact because it all looks so maintained and sterile#what happened here...
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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it's kind of funny that we're back at the start, as it was known from the very beginning, as the story always was, the old lore: "the Divine Gate was built in response to the destruction and suffering of the Calamity as the Prime Deities realized was far too much and, as such, they needed to also remove themselves from Exandria to protect it from the ruin that the gods dwelling here brings"
#I'm almost shocked the Divine Gate lore is like Exactly As Billed like oh so it was precisely what was said this whole time??#for all the hype about like changing perspective and Discovery it almost surprisingly like... non-conflicting with the history we DO know#like this coheres precisely with my understanding of this as a tragedy and why it happened and the realizations that it resulted in#there's always a lot of “this campaign is Everything You Knew Was Wrong” but I keep being “wait we did or kinda knew this for ages tho”#and in the end this decision about “our presence here and our fights do cause mass destruction and suffering and we must leave” is like#well yeah we knew that was how and why the Divine Gate happened? legit almost surprised it's exactly as we've been told from the start#Critical Role things#CR spoilers
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ladies, I need to wander despondently across a foggy moor asap
#*this also applies to the not-ladies among us#y'all deserve a good pensive ramble across a moor in a really cool greatcoat#just be sure you don't turn it into anything vigorous#this is not the time to be Aragorn we are looking for Jonathan Harker pre-Dracula at best#in regards to the moor: a wind-swept cliffside would also be suffice#it would NOT do wonders for my health of course but hey#fortunately the bestie and I have plans to go hiking next weekend and if we don't have another option I'm gonna beg for the hemlock trail#I'd also take the cedar springs#I just need Nature that isn't the beach#in other news I am happy to report that the week is smoothing itself out somewhat#we're all still on edge but it's not as bad as it was and we've effectively kicked loose the pebble in the the shoe#my darling sister sent me a gift and told me to treat myself so I may get bubble tea after work#and I begged for tomorrow off so I can sleep and then spend the day coughing in peace#(this is such a bizarre cold. I didn't get any of the preliminaries outside of some sneezing)#(and then it was straight to my chest. not even a sore throat first! usually I get a lot of build up and can often get ahead of a bad cough#(thankfully my nose is not congested. I suppose that's the trade-off)#so I'll sleep in and then I may sort some of the filing I'm taking home from the office#by then I'll likely have completely lost my voice#AND I have ingredients for chili because for once I planned ahead. might even make some of my favorite rolls as well.#and then next week...I start a second job#(super simple and it's 2 hours max every evening. once I figure it out it could be an hour tops unless I decide to take it slow)#(the pay is great for the job and it'll give me something to do instead of just...I dunno...reading through the winter I suppose)#(sorry my head is in such a fog I don't know how I'm surviving work)#mine#greatest hits
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The Thai 🤝🏽 Taiwanese Communal Wardrobe item #1
Theory of Love ep 5:
En of Love: This is Love Story ep 1:
HIStory 4: Close to You ep 1 & 14:
My Secret Love ep 10:
Check Out ep 10:
Mama Gogo ep 10:
Kiseki: Dear to Me ep 9:
(all credit to @chickenstrangers for this one)
+ bonus not in a series but...
and...
#theory of love#en of love: this is love story#history 4: close to you#my secret love#my secret love the series#mama gogo#kiseki: dear to me#first kanaphan#the thai 🤝🏽 taiwanese communal wardrobe#<- it gets it's own special tag#we've crossed borders!#WE'VE BREACHED CONTAINMENT!#I'd been wondering if this might happen#and the scream I scrumt when chick (ken? kenstra? tran? anger?) told me#THANK YOU SO MUCH!#I figured I'd start a whole new list for clothes shared across these countries#hence this is number 1#let's find some more!#the thai communal wardrobe#huge thanks to the contributors - tagged in a reblog!#edited to add my secret love!#edited again to add check out!#edited again to add joong!
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giggles what if milo & sweetheart would play pretend that they dont each other at the wedding to just flirt with each other more shamelessly
#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted milo#redacted sweetheart#sweetheart: i dont believe we've met#milo (grinning): yeah i dont believe we have#sweetheart: shame. i'm good friends with the couples. they never told me they had a handsome friend like you.#milo: then let's get acquianted sweetheart#GRAAAHDGKAHSKS MALFUNCTIONS
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Michael and David in season 3 of Good Omens:
#where is the lie though#michael sheen#welsh seduction machine#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#good omens 3#good omens#why does this seem so plausible though#it's giving Ewan McGregor/Christian Bale in Velvet Goldmine continuing to have sex after the director went 'Cut'#also i still think there was a lot more to the kiss in S2 than we've been told#and possibly will ever know#curiouser and curiouser#also i am here for bisexual daniel craig. yes.#someone once said most of the acting industry is bi and welp#there you go#discourse#gif by me
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we sang in the aeroplane over the sea tgth ☆
#27% circle line with a lovely friend of mine rail tracks screeching etc etc u know the usual. im just gonna write down memories#a few weeks ago my friend read thus spoke zarathustra by the fire to the music she was dancing it was her silhouette#against the flashlight lit up gold and royal blues and tiger's silk i tried not to fall in love with her. in bordeaux we searched#for pomegranates he sent her 300 quid by the beach she cut it open with a knife her hand covered in red we each had a taste of her work#sweet red wet the sweetest grit. too barely clothed to go into the cliffside church they painted my eyes we painted hers#8 shots of gin she screamed joyfully IT'S ALIVE! at the book she said become the child i said i feel like a monster she said i was insane#i tried to believe her. fortified wine and later a red pen crossword defiled by humidity her hair in my hands two king sized beds#pushed next to each other she took her top off she told us to watch her arms raised up the musculature on her back was precise cut from#marble we saw oceans we saw the birds take cold baths the midnight sun over a wasp-infested pool our chemicals in their bodies#gold flakes dark skin gold cross shoulders against mine drawing some form of each other on the train i didn't hesitate#to say her eyes were beautiful over and over monks at the soapshop with titanium credit cards i loved you like i loved no other#he tied his hair up and walked us into the river he held a bullet between his lips i never held his hand he said what an honour#you own too much capital your mother thinks i'm a natural i realised i haven't told my mother i loved her in years she's always been mother#never mom i'll watch you watch seaweeds this is terminal akrasia i'll feel your fingers smear perfume on my lips your girlfriend grins#bite into the straw take the shot hold my hand get it all wrong draw in the sand kiss him right stab through leather shower in chlorine#you're the determinable vicissitude is all yours we won the Game AND the Battle AND the War i'm proud of you like crazy we feed each other#saffron cliffside lovers well-fallen brothers fat cats blue windows southwest sun ALife SynBio design aXAA grow us a city in silico#we've grown to the ends of glee fire-jumper ocean-eater sure-footed lists on lists hands on eyelids не устану искать тебя#...anyway ive put my face on this blog b4 but hiii again#feel free to rb btw the rants r not personal
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Wine drunk with no man to feel up
#this is the funniest joke i've ever made about this show alright it's alllll downhill from here#also god this is such a real moment. being told you look gay one time and making a whole Thing out of it. we've all been there girls#yes the last one is him telling gabriel to kill himself. that's such a real moment as well he really gets me like no other#open mick night#good omens#gomens#crowley#good omens 2#aziracrow#ineffable spouses#ineffable divorce
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okay so I was just reading a Bucky Barnes fic featuring my beloved Alpine and something just popped into my head. And it's that I'm certain Bucky would call his cat "ma'am" and "lady" with so much seriousness
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes headcanon#marvel headcanons#alpine#james buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#i just know alpine would be eating something she's not supposed to#and bucky would be like 'ma'AM WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT EATING CARDBOARD'#or she would be seating on his jacket#and he would have to leave for a mission or smth#and he would be like “ma'am we've talked about this'
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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Surface Things™
(+bonus)
#the caption is in reference to stav's header bc it makes me laugh#true in general but s4 especially goes absolutely wild with the hidden in plain sight messaging....#it's the number we've had it this whole time maybe the answer we're looking for is somewhere in this incredibly vague drawing (god#we need will) maybe it's hidden in the code (what you just said makes no sense) all i know is the answers are here somewhere#do have to be told everything? you're not a child#anyway.......... *angela voice* we're just having fun#mikesbasementgifs#surface things
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Illogical Musings From 'Pathways'
#(reference voice) I saw spocksjuul illustrate a scene from a star trek novel so /I/ illustrated a scene from a star trek novel#Varith is so cute in this scene~!!#Sek's hair looks like that as an executive choice on my end - he's trying something out#Varith's hair is described as 'loose ringlets' coming from his mother - same as Elieth#He's also described as 'a stunning child' who keeps SMILING to Tuvok's chagrin#I like Tuvok struggling to be a good parent - too strict and uncompromising which we've seen to be true in canon as well!#He still ends up being a very good dad - especially after being told to chill out a LITTLE dude. Goes to show you don't have to be PERFECT#to be good. With parents AND children <3#comix page#star trek pathways#novel experiences#st voyager#star trek#star trek voyager#st voy#bea art tag#[REDACTED] family photos
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"I hope you told your brother how much you loved him, because you're probably never gonna see him again."
"..."
"Was that too dark?"
"YES!"
"Sorry."
#mario movie#mario move spoilers#super mario bros movie#super mario bros#mario and luigi#super mario bros movie spoilers#cherrysip edits#i was gonna make a different gifset today but then i found that new trailer and WELL HERE WE ARE lol#TOAD SERIOUSLY CAN YOU READ THE ROOM HERE???????????#first time in the town was kinda funny second time was genuinely a bit upsetting to the point that i gasped when i heard the dialogue#mario would prefer you Do Not Say Things Like That!!!!!!!#he is no way shape or form emotionally prepared to grapple with the idea of his brother being dead or never being able to find him#that would end him. that would destroy him. he would truly not know how to go on. so that is just firmly Not a Possibility in his brain#(and now i made myself REALLY sad thinking about mario remembering this conversation a little later and wondering#when WAS the last time he told luigi he loved him????? he can't remember. he loves his brother more than anything and anyone#but he hasn't said it outloud in so long and the realization of that is extremely painful. there's some more angst for you!!!)#anyway this is just a compilation of all the significant scenes where mario and luigi are actually together we've seen so far and I CRY#also the brand-new one of them running through town!!! omg it's perfect#with mario doing unnecessary parkour and luigi just diligently jogging along on the outside and avoiding the mess#the characterization even in the tiniest moments like this is truly CHEF'S KISS#will be working on more gifsets because my brain just needs to stare at all this until the movie comes out lololol
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