#and we'd gotten there at 11

[horny-ex-catholic]

So last night I made out with my friend (hopefully soon to be partner. We're talking some stuff out) and aside from just being really fun, I learned I apparently really like teasing them and I may not actually be 100% submissive

[jinxed-ninjago]

"Gayle --"

"Don't defend him, Vinny, he's a conniving weasel, not a reporter!"

"Gayle --!"

"Oh, and I'll tell you another thing --"

"GAYLEWE'RELIVE"

[vitiateoriginator]

Didn't get the chance to post about it earlier but, today is Klaus' 11th birthday!!

Happy birthday my evil angel!! Every year I get to have with you is so precious to me. You may be a smelly old man now, but you're my smelly old man. I love you always and forever 💕💋💝

[skrunksthatwunk]

not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)

[scare-ard--sleigh]

okay like I had to make Tweaks to a tech article i submitted, which included writing up a meta title (of which i just grabbed the first half of the actual title) a meta description (the description you see on google that no one actually looks at) and bumping down the Grammarly 'plagiarism' score from 3% down to 2% (changing the wording around in 2 sentences) and i'm just like . why do we even have editors lmao like what are we paying those people for .

[kawuli]

you know, the thing that leaves me completely out of fucks for "don't vote" arguments, more than anything else?

the 2000 election

Bush won by Supreme Court decision. If they'd counted all the ballots in Florida he would've lost, but he successfully sued to stop the count.

We all learned what a "hanging chad" was. It was awful.

Less than a year later, airplanes flew into a bunch of big important buildings.

Nader got near record green party votes. Al Gore was the famously boring VP for Clinton, the guy who decided the way to win was to be a Democrat who acted like a Republican. Clinton and UK PM Tony Blair were the champions of neoliberalism.

why in the fuck would you want to vote for that guy? the dumb kid of the old president didn't seem too bad, anyway. he was a Compassionate Conservative! is that really so much worse than neoliberals?

it's hard to play alternate history with this stuff, but imagine if Al Gore had been president on 9/11. We probably still get a war in Afghanistan, everybody wanted that one except Congresswoman Barbara Lee, D-CA. I think it's a pretty good bet the US doesn't invade Iraq.

Can you imagine how much better off we'd be if instead of 8 years of a climate denier president we'd gotten the guy who wrote "An Inconvenient Truth"? If we'd managed even to do the wimpy version of cap and trade?

You can't KNOW these things. That was one Trouser of Time and we're down a different one.

But 537 votes in Florida made a hell of a lot of difference. I don't want to be one of the 600 or so people who were running late after work and didn't want to wait in another goddamn line.

Because you just never know what's going to happen

[call-sign-jinx]

Theodore Nott X Reader - What of it?

summary - you and theo were best friends. but when you both got accepted into hogwarts but sorted into different house. you made a promise to each other to stay together. after theo made new friends he broke his promise. now you and theo compete against each in quidditch and academically. until he badly hurts you in a match. will he change his ways? or stay the same person he now is?

warnings - the war did not happen, arguing, mentions of injury, mentions of hurting, slight hufflepuff hate, fluff

Main Masterlist Theodore Nott Masterlist

a/n - this is based off of this ask, hope y'all enjoy becos i LUV this idea. ta ta my lovelies! xx

theodore nott x fem!reader

Nott and I had a history. We used to be best friends. Our houses were very close to each other growing up. And we were both accepted into Hogwarts when we were 11. He had run to my house and banged on the door 'til somebody answered to see if I had gotten a letter as well. We were so excited to go to school together. We hoped, prayed and begged that the universe would put us into the same house as soon as we were in the castle.

When Nott was placed in Slytherin and I was placed in Ravenclaw, we both promised each other we'd still hang out together every chance we could.

We both kept our promise. Until he became close friends with Malfoy. That's when the time he'd spend with me began to fade into less and less amounts. Until we never saw each other outside of lesson.

Now, I'm glad he didn't keep his promise. He's turned into a right dickhead ever since he became friends with Malfoy. We're in 7th year now, he hangs out with Malfoy and his lot. And I'm friends with the Weasley twins, Luna Lovegood and Delilah Halifax from my Quidditch team, we also share a room along with Luna. Although I only have 4 friends, I'm fine with it. I like when my circle is small.

It's lunchtime in the Great Hall and all of us are sat together. Although we're only supposed to sit at our House tables, the twins sit with me, Luna and Delilah at the Ravenclaw table. Delilah couldn't have lunch with us today, she decided to get some extra practice before the game later today.

"So Y/N, you ready to get beat at our Quidditch match on Friday?" I shake my head and laugh at Fred's cocky behaviour.

"That's if we beat Slytherin today first. So you should be the ones getting ready to lose cause Slytherin is an easy obstacle to get over." Fred and George mock fear and huddle together. That's until they both had disgusted looks on their faces.

I turned to see who they were giving dirty looks to, and it was perfectly understandable. It was Nott, Malfoy and Zabini. Nott and Malfoy had disgusted looks on their faces while Zabini didn't show any emotion at all. Sometimes I wondered if he was a robot.

"You seriously think you can beat us? We're ten times better than you even if we had only three people on our team." Malfoy laughs at us, Nott along with him. God, they were so annoying.

"That's rich seeing as you got beaten by Hufflepuff last month, and not to be rude to them but we know how bad they are." Malfoy and Nott stopped laughing. Obviously struck a nerve there.

"They cheated, of course they were going to beat us if they were cheating." Hufflepuff did not cheat baring in mind. Nott looked me up and down with utter distaste all over his face. I put my middle finger up at him and turned back to Fred and George.

"It doesn't matter who wins, it's just a game." Luna says to the Slytherin boys, trying to diffuse the situation. They look at her and burst out laughing.

"Oh pipe down Loony Lovegood, go chase some fargles or whatever you call them." Nott's words make Luna look down in embarrassment.

I stand up from the bench and get toe to toe with Nott. I was pissed. I'm fine him picking on me but when he picks on Luna. That's when I get pissed off.

"You better walk away Nott, or I swear to God." I looked at him with pure hate. My nostrils were flared, jaw and fists clenched, my back rigid, shoulders pulled back. He smirked then scoffed at me. What a prick.

"Come on, wasting our time on freaks like them." And with that, they turned away from us and walked to their table. I sat back down with Luna and the twins, and fake gagged.

"Cannot believe I used to be mates with him." The twins laughed while Luna smiled and then continued reading The Quibble.

"I can't either, you're the complete opposite of him. He's a massive dickhead, and you're not." I laughed at George's statement. But when I actually thought about it. I always wondered how and why he became like this. I mean, a lot can happen in 7 years but he changed drastically in the first year and has stayed the same since.

-------------------------------------------------------

It was 5 minutes before the match started between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. I was quite nervous, I really wanted to win this game. I had my broom in hand and was practicing my breathing techniques to calm me down. I felt a hand on my shoulder and it was Delilah, one of my closest friends on the Quidditch team.

"You're going to be amazing Y/N, don't freak out. You're literally one of our best players." I gave Delilah a tight lipped smile and that's when I heard the music, signaling for us all to come out and onto the pitch.

Ravenclaw flew up first and we all took positions, I was a beater. Then Slytherin followed and did the same, Nott was a beater as well. I just knew he'll try to pull the little trick he did our last match against each other.

Last match, he got one of the Slytherin girls to put a jinx on my broom, causing my broom to try and throw me off of it, but I had a firm grip and luckily I didn't go flying.

The whistle blew, starting the game. I still couldn't get control of my breathing, I don't know what was wrong with me today. I focused as much as I could.

The game was going quite well for us, the score was 50-30 to Ravenclaw. To put it simply we were winning. No one on our team had gotten hit by a bludger, pushed off their broomstick or anything like that. Yet.

I saw a bludger going straight towards Delilah so I flew over to her as fast as I could and successfully hit it in a different direction. She nodded her head at me with a smile but the smile soon turned to fear.

"Y/N! Look-" Before she could finish her sentence I was hit in the head very hard with something and was knocked clean out.

--------------------------------------

I wake up in the medical wing, I had no idea how I got here and looked around to see if I could ask anyone what happened. Until I saw the twins, practically running to my bed.

"Blimey Y/N we thought you had died. Took a right hit didn't you?" Fred said, with that cheeky smile he and George always have on their faces.

"Did Ravenclaw win?" Was the first thing I said. God I sound like a right weirdo only caring about a game. Fred and George laughed.

"Jesus Y/N, that's the first thing you think about when you wake up?" I gave George a look and Fred elbowed him slightly while trying to hold back a grin.

"But yes, you did win. And Ravenclaw beat Gryffindor as well." I was confused. It's past Friday? How long have I been out for?

"Wait... What even happened? And how long have I been out?" I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head and realised my arm was in a sling.

"Nott hit a bludger to the back of your head. You were out in seconds. Then you went falling and falling and then you hit the ground and you'd be able to hear the sound it made from Luna's house." George explained to me, my eyes widened. What the fuck? I get that Nott and I don't like each other but that is low, even for him.

"And you were out for about 2 weeks. You've never been hurt that long it was like a bloody coma." Fred piped up. He then paused, as if he wanted to say something.

"What? Tell me." George and Fred looked to each other, silently asking each other if they should tell me.

"Nott visited you every day after the match." They both answered in unison. I didn't know how to react. Why would he visit me?

"Did you ever ask him why?" They both shook their head 'no' in unison.

"Didn't want to get a bludger to the head like you did Trouble." Fred's words made me giggle. But the question always stuck in the back of my head for the rest of the day.

Why?

------------------------------------------

It's been around three days since I woke up from my 'mini coma,' as the twins call it. Madame Pomfrey told me that I shouldn't go to Quidditch practice or move my arm until the potion she gave me wears off. Delilah checked up on me whenever she could though, she was very kind.

Luna has been by my side ever since I was allowed to go back to attending my lessons, said she "wanted to protect me." Bless her soul.

She was walking me to my potions lesson, which was second period, because she had a free period and had nothing else to do. While I was walking and checking my bag for everything I needed, she was skipping alongside me looking at the walls and everything around her. She was in her own little world.

When we finally got to the room I had to be in, dread filled my whole entire body. Snape had changed the seating plan and had placed me next to Nott. How wonderful.

I said bye to Luna and walked into the room, Nott was already there. And he was staring at me. God I really hope he doesn't take the piss cause after what he did I won't care that he visited me.

I sat down in my seat next to Nott and got my books and quill out. There was such an uncomfortable silence between us but I did not want to talk to him at all.

Snape began teaching his lesson like usual, until he said that we were making a potion. In the pairs we were placed in. Meaning I was paired with Nott. Could my day get any fucking worse?

We had to make a Wit-Sharpening potion. This is probably what I missed cause what the fuck even is that? And that is when I realised we had to talk to each other.

"You know what to do?" Nott finally piped up. Damn, didn't think he'd actually talk to me unless it was something rude.

"Not at all if I'm being honest." Nott nodded in response. I just stayed sat in my seat and let him make the potion, only passing him things if they were too far out of his reach.

The lesson went by quickly, thank God. And it was also break, so I'd be meeting the twins, Luna and Delilah in our usual spot at the courtyard.

When I reached the courtyard, all of them were already there and my usual seat on the bench was still vacant. Buzzing.

"Hey there girly." Delilah greeted me as she walked up to me and gave me a hug. We both pulled away at the same time.

"First day back going good?" My face answered her question. I looked exhausted and annoyed at the same time.

"Snape changed the seating plan so I have to sit next to the biggest dickhead I've ever had the displeasure of meeting." She immediately knew who it was and let out a slight chuckle.

We both then headed over to Luna and the twins and enjoyed our break. The twins were playing pranks on people, me and Delilah were talking about anything and everything, and Luna was reading an unnamed book. This is how we liked it. Although we were focused on different things, it was still spending time together.

Break then ended so we all had to go to our lessons. Luna and George had DAD, Delilah had Transfiguration, and me and Fred had a free period, luckily.

On our walk back to the courtyard, something popped into my head. And my first thought was to ask Fred.

"Why do you think Nott visited me? Do you think it's just because he felt bad?" Fred raised a brow at me, confused as to why I would even care.

"If you want to find that out, Trouble, you'll have to ask him for that. I groaned. I just wanted to find out without talking to him.

"Why do you want to know anyway? Think he likes you?" Fred gasped and put his hands on his mouth, when he finally took them off his mouth he asked, "Or do you like him?" I slapped Fred on the shoulder and gave him a dirty look. Of course I didn't like him, did I? All I think about is him, but only because he's a prick and all he does is be a dickhead towards me. That's what I told myself anyway.

"I don't know to be honest, it's just... In the past few years, he hasn't cared about a single thing I do. And now I find out he visited me every day while I was in the hospital wing." Fred nodded in understanding and we left it at that.

We finally made it back to the courtyard and sat down on our bench. But, as soon as me and Fred settled down in the courtyard after walking everyone to their lessons, Fred got called to Professor McGonagall's office. Great, he's going to be forever if it's McGonagall. Now I have to spend 2 hours on my own.

I thought I'd just walk around the castle and try and find a new place I haven't been to yet, but I've been everywhere we possibly could go when I used to skip lessons with the twins.

When I turned round a corner, I saw Nott, just leaning against a wall and smoking a cigarette. Gross. That's when Fred's words played back in my head. "You'll have to ask him for that." Maybe I should. Before I could even make a decision my feet were already walking me over to him.

He saw me, put out his cigarette, put his hands in his pockets then turned his body to face me fully.

"What? Want to argue with me bout some-" I cut him off before he could even say something snarky, which earned an annoyed look from him.

"Why did you visit me in the hospital wing?" His face went a shade lighter. He thought no one except Madame Pomfrey had seen him and he had asked her to keep it between them. Then he thought. The twins.

"What of it? It's a need to know basis anyway Y/L/N." With that he turned around and began to walk away. No. Now that I'm here, doing this, he is not walking away until I get an answer. I began to walk at a fast pace to keep up with him.

"Well I need to know, so tell me." It was hard trying to keep up with him, he had such big fucking strides it was hard to keep up.

"No. You don't." It went back and forth like this for around 3 minutes until I heard him groan and was then pushed into an empty classroom. He had locked the door when I had realised we were in a classroom and I was leaning against a desk.

"Why do you want to know so badly? This is the most you've talked to me in years and it's about me visiting you in the hospital wing?" I subconsciously scoffed. Why the fuck was he acting like I had been the cause for the end of our friendship?

"Well I'd have talked to you more if you had let me. But no, Theodore Nott is way too fucking good for me to speak to. You are the reason we stopped talking in 1st year. I tried and tried to keep our friendship, but you were too busy becoming bum buddies with fucking Malfoy. So just answer my fucking question so I can leave." Nott rolled his eyes at me, acting as if I had done something wrong.

"We are not bum buddies." I scoffed at him and raised a brow. I stepped away from the desk and took a step closer to him.

"That's all you got from what I said? God you really have fucking changed. Dickhead." Nott began to get pissed off. His eyebrows lowered and nostrils flared.

"Now just fucking tell me why you visited me." I kept repeating it to piss him off. He ran his hand over his face and looked like he was about to lose it.

"Fine!" His voice boomed throughout the classroom. I took a step back, my eyes wide. I had never heard him shout before.

"You want to know why I visited you? Because I care about you, more than you can imagine and I felt so fucking bad for hitting you with that bludger. I didn't even mean to! And before you ask how come I only just cared now I haven't stopped caring about you. Even when we weren't friends. And it's because I love you! I have ever since start of 1st year." What the fuck? My eyes widened even more and my jaw dropped. Well that was a bombshell and a half.

"I thought we hated each other. And why didn't you tell me this sooner?" Nott laughed, but had a sad look on his face. He took a few steps towards me, we were now toe to toe.

"Because I'd rather you hate me and talk to me, than for you to not talk to me or acknowledge me at all." I felt horrible. All these years. He hadn't hated me, but he had loved me instead. My heart shattered, I had never felt so horrible more than I do right now in my entire life.

"Oh Theo..." I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. I didn't know what else to do. He didn't reciprocate for a few seconds but then I felt him slowly start to hug me back. We stood like that for God knows how long.

We then both pulled away and just looked at each other. I had forgotten how beautiful he actually was. His eyes were a beautiful shade of blue-grey. His hair fell perfectly on his face. His jawline had looked like it was carved by angels. He grew up to be bloody gorgeous.

"I'm sorry... Y/N..." Never in my whole entire life had I heard Theodore Nott apologise. Not once. And now the first time I hear it, it's to me.

"I wish you had told me sooner Theo..." My hands move from his neck to the sides of his face. He gave me a small smile and a slight chuckle.

"How could I have told you? I fucked it up for myself. Especially when I said all those things to your friends..." I rolled my eyes, he raised a brow at me in confusion.

"If you just apologise, and actually mean it, then I'm sure they'll forgive you. They don't hold grudges once someone has apologised and realised what they've done." Theo sighed with relief. He looked to the side, as if he was thinking proper hard.

"What?" His eyes come back straight to mine, his face looks like he wants to say something but doesn't know if he should or not.

"So what are we then?" The question took me aback. I didn't know how to answer that.

"Well... I don't know..." I paused, trying to make a plan in my head. "If anything can we just take it slow? Need to wrap my mind around all this." We both giggled. We both looked up to each other and just stared.

I felt myself moving closer to him, and I could see him doing the same. We both paused until our lips were centimetres apart.

"Fuck taking things slow." And with that our lips crashed together. His hands took place on my waist and he squeezed it. My hands were still on his face so I tried to pull him impossibly closer than he already was. My arm hurt slightly, even though Madame Pomfrey told me not to move it I ignored it anyway. The kiss was passionate, but soft at the same time. I think Theo couldn't decide whether to be gentle or not. We both pulled away for air, I opened my eyes and couldn't help but smile.

"I'm sorry Y/N/N, I mean it. I truly am." I hadn't heard that nickname in years. Only Theo used to call me that. It was reserved only for him, I told everyone else who used it the same.

"It's okay Theo, I was just as bad as you." We both laughed and then hugged each other.

Did not think my first day back would go like this.

[spookwriter-xo]

Coppélia

Chapter 7 - The Lion's Den

Chapter Summary - Y/N Is urged to meet with some of the other women involved in high society to gain some close friends and she decides to drag Mia with her. Y/N starts to realize the boys may not be as friendly as they seem.

warnings: mentions of murder, Seonghwa injures reader (MDNI)

Series Masterlist

It had been almost two weeks since I had started living with the boys. Yunho and Jongho were still pretty stand-offish, not really bothering to make conversation unless absolutely necessary. Yeosang however, had gotten better.

I figured he was shy from the start, but after I thanked him for filling my wardrobe he started asking simple questions like how my day was. It wasn't a lot, but it was progress.

Hongjoong and San had backed off a little, not actively seeking me out like the remaining three. Mingi, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung were a lot more social, Wooyoung would come and find me the second they'd come home during the workweek to tell me everything before I left for the Society, at least what he could tell me anyway.

Seonghwa's gifts hadn't stopped, however, they had broadened from simple Gardenias (Though he kept fresh ones on the dresser in my room for me). Mingi often played piano after dinner, sometimes, he'd play something from the show or past shows just to see me dance.

He always smiled so brightly when I would.

Seonghwa was the one who suggested I go to a ladies brunch over dinner. I'd glance around at the others who made no objection.

"Ladies Brunch?" I ask.

"All the women that our allies are involved with get together once a month for a ladies brunch. You should go." Seonghwa explains, bringing his fork to his mouth.

"Are there many?" I ask.

"Normally there's around 10 or 11, depending on who's available," Seonghwa says. "You could bring a friend if you like, maybe Mia?"

I nod at the mention of Mia. It would be good to see her again and catch her up on everything in person. Besides meeting other women, hopefully around my age, would probably do me some good. Maybe some of them could explain what the men actually did.

And that's why I agreed.

"You think any of them are like... Murderers?" Mia asks me as we sit in her family's limousine. "I mean, they're involved in families known to be involved in the mafia so.."

She wasn't wrong. After I had invited her, Mia had one of Marks's friends dig up some information about some of the women we'd be meeting. Jeno Lee was always pretty good at that.

Kazuko Takanashi was the fiancé to the CEO of the SVT Association, Choi Seungcheol. A large modeling and fashion company much like the one my father owned, their rival if you will. She was beautiful and worked as a model for their more expensive pieces. I assumed her husband-to-be would only allow it as such.

Park Minji was born into high society, her father running a car company. She was dating one of the leaders of SKZ Foundation, a military company, Seo Changbin. She didn't do much, but there were rumors that she was an excellent hacker.

Those were the only ones I could remember from the list, but I knew there were so many more. I recognized some of the companies, a little surprised some of them were still running.

We arrived at the club we were to meet at, one owned by the husband of one of the women we were to meet, Nari.

"Mia, don't say anything rude," I warn, getting out of the car.

"I'm not promising anything." She quips, following me.

We head inside, it's empty aside from the small group of maybe six women sitting at a long table, laughing and drinking already. I glance at Mia who looks back at me, gesturing with her head to go towards them.

I hesitate before approaching slowly. Kazuko was there, and Minji too. They looked so much friendlier in person. I clear my throat, causing one I didn't recognize to look up. She offers me a kind smile before standing.

"You must be Y/N!" She says, approaching the two of us. "And you're Mia Hua right?" Mia nods in response.

"I'm Kate. Come sit." She says, gesturing to some empty seats. "It's just us today, the others couldn't make it."

I take a seat beside Minji, her dyed blonde hair shimmering in the overhead light. Mia sits on my other side, shifting in her seat. Kate starts to introduce everyone, and my memory comes back to me; Minji, Jaehwa, Asami, Kazuko, Liv, and Kate herself. Easy enough.

I knew Asami was the oldest based on what I remembered. She was born into high society much like Minji however, she runs her own company, a tech company alongside a friend of hers, Taeyong.

Jaehwa was the younger sister of Nari, I knew she had joined the military for two years because she 'wanted to scratch an itch'. I could tell it paid off, her tan skin and muscular frame seemed oddly attractive.

Liv was a part of the TBZ Association, a law firm. I could tell she was studying me the minute I sat down, her eyes unmoving and unblinking as they stared me down. Like a predator hunting prey.

"So, ATZ Corp chose you huh?" Jaehwa asks, her voice deep. "I heard you're a dancer."

"Ballerina." I correct, noticing the quirk of Asami's eyebrow. "I'm a Ballerina for the Ballet Society."

Kazuko takes a sip of her drink. "I went to one of your shows, you're quite good." She says, glancing at me. There was something comforting about her words, yet I kept my guard up.

"What's the show?" Minji asks, her Australian accent thick.

"Coppèlia I'm pretty sure." Kazuko answers, leaning back in her seat.

"Never heard of it." Jaehwa says, elbow now propped up on the table.

I listen to the women talk. They seem friendly enough, and at least three of them are anyway. Asami looks at me before finally speaking.

"Something you wanna say?" She asks, her eyes boaring into mine. "If you have questions you can ask."

A part of me felt relieved she'd said that, opening a door for all the questions I'd had piled up to spill out. Kate gave me a reassuring look, nodding slightly for me to speak.

"I'm... It's been a long time since I've been in this life." I start. "It's all so different now.. And they guys won't tell me anything no matter how much I ask."

"It was like that for me too." Kazuko says. "I was born in the bronx. When I met Seungcheol, none of his friends or even him would tell me anything about what they did even though I grew up on the other end of it all."

I listened to her. These women had come from all different parts of society. Some are working their way up, and some are fighting to survive even now. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea.

"When Seungcheol asked me to marry him, I told him no unless he told me everything." Kazuko continues. "Eventually, he caved when he realised I was serious."

"So I threaten them?" I ask.

"Definitely don't do that!" Liv laughs, finally speaking. Her voice was sweet. Maybe she was just shy. "ATZ don't take nicely to threats."

"So what do I do?" I ask.

"Ask us." Kate says, reaching a hand over. "We won't hide anything from you."

I nod, taking a deep breath before glancing at Mia, who seems a little too invested now.

"Be honest with me. Do they hurt people?"

"Obviously, it's the mafia." Asami says. "We have to kill to keep those close to us safe. Greed is evil, and those who let it consume them will always try to take what isn't theirs."

I stare at Asami, and the bluntness in her tone causes goosebumps to coat my skin.

"The boys kill, yes, but most of the time it's business or for protection reasons. There's some corrupt companies out there, ones that kill the weak for sport. Like Belluxe." Kazuko spits, my head snaps to her hefore quickly composing myself. My fathers company? Killing for sport?

"After everything that happened with Aurora, I'm surprised they decided to let another one in." Jaehwa says, causing me to perk up at the name.

"You knew her?" I ask.

"Of course we did." Liv says, her eyes softening slightly. "I miss her sometimes... She was always a voice of reason."

"She was a fool." Asami says. "Stuck her nose in something she shouldn't have. That's what got her killed."

My blood ran cold at Asami's words. Her tone was so indifferent, like she was angry.

Aurora was killed? Because she was investigating something? But what?

"Asami!" Kate scolds.

"It's the truth!" Asami barks. "Nothing would have happened if she'd just-" Asami stops herself and lets out a sigh before standing. "Excuse me." She mutters, heading off in the direction of the bathroom.

"You'll have to excuse her." Minji says quietly to me. "She cares a lot more then she lets on."

"Aurora was killed?" Mia asks. I'd spoken to her about Aurora the night of my first day living with ATZ. She was just as curious as I was.

"She was investigating some suspicious activity even when Hongjoong told her not to." Jaehwa says. "She got too far in and ended up getting herself killed."

"What was the suspicious activity?" I ask, glancing at Kazuko.

"Do you remember the Cobra?" She asks us. Mia and I nod. The Cobra was a serial killer who caused some grief to a lot of businesses years back. He'd kill runners, undercover workers, and sometimes even leaders in gruesome ways to get his message across. His tell; all of his victims were found with poison in their system.

"But The Cobra disappeared when we were kids?" Mia questions.

"He came back. Briefly." Kate says.

"Well, there were rumours." Liv corrects. "That's what Aurora was investigating."

Aurora was trying to catch a serial killer and was killed when she got too close? Why didn't the boys tell me this? Was there more to it?

"Enough about Aurora." Jaehwa murmers as Asami returns.

The topic shifted rather quickly.

It was almost 6pm when I returned back to the estate. Seonghwa was sitting in the living room, waiting for my return.

"How was it?" He asks, not looking up from the book he was reading, Frankenstein.

"Enlightening," I answer, my tone indifferent. I was upset at them. I'd learned more from women I'd just met in a few hours than the 8 men I had been living with for almost 2 weeks.

The girls had told me all about their work, giving me some idea of what was going on in the basement as well as outside of the house that I probably would never see.

Seonghwa recognizes my tone and sighs, marking his page in his book before setting it down on the coffee table. He stands, moving in front of me now, staring down at me with a cold look.

"How much do you know?"

"Enough," I answer, staring back up at him, I hear footsteps thud to a stop behind me, whoever it was listening closely. "Funny how I can trust complete strangers more than the men I'm supposed to be with."

"If you don't trust us, why did you come back?" The voice, Hongjoong, says from behind me. I don't jump at his voice, only turning to look at him. I had nowhere else to go. The answer was as simple as that.

On the second day of my stay, I woke up to all my things from my old apartment tucked away in the corner of my room. Wooyoung had gone to collect my things and speak to my landlord that night, at least that's what he said.

"You know why," I say, my blood boiling at the teasing grin on his face. Here we go again, being laughed at. Maybe I should have stayed at Mia's tonight.

"Dinners ready!" Wooyoung calls out from the other room. "Is Y/N home?" He asks, poking his head out from behind the connecting archway.

"You could have told me she was killed." I blurt out, my gaze on Wooyoung but my words are aimed at all of them. "Did you think I couldn't handle it?" I say, looking up at Seonghwa once again.

"They told you?" Seonghwa asks, his voice low.

"Yes, because unlike you they recognize that I can handle myself." I snap, poking his chest. Big mistake. He snatches my wrist, gripping it tightly. My eyes widen and I try and pull away, Hongjoong and Wooyoung make no move to step in.

"You listen to me," Seonghwa says, his voice coming out as a growl. The gentleman I knew was long gone now. There was something sinister in his eyes as he looked down at me, the size difference suddenly feeling a lot larger the tighter he held my wrist. "You won't ask any more questions about what happened. You will not go investigating it yourself and you certainly will not ask others. That includes our housekeepers." He says quietly, his voice low and threatening.

I glance at Wooyoung, his face void of emotion as he watches from the archway. Shit.

"If I find out you have, you'll never step foot from this house ever again. Say goodbye to Mia, the Society, everything." He warns.

"Seonghwa." Hongjoong finally speaks up. Seonghwa's knuckles are white from how tightly he was gripping my wrist. "Let her go. She's gotten the hint." Hongjoong says, taking a step forward.

Seonghwa lets go and I pull back, bumping into Hongjoong. I jump away from him, backing up into the foyer. I stare back at them with wide eyes, clutching my wrist as they stare back at me. A sick feeling overcomes me as I mutter out three words before scurrying up the stairs.

"I'm not hungry."

Mingi had come upstairs to check on me a few hours later. He carried a plate of food in his hands and his expression adorned a pouty expression. Surprisingly, I let him in.

He sets the plate of food down on my dresser before taking a seat on the loveseat by the window.

"Wooyoung told us what happened." He says, holding his hand out and glancing down at my wrist. I hesitate for a moment before letting him take it. His touch was gentle as he examined the light bruise, his eyebrows furrowing. "I didn't think Seonghwa would ever hurt you.."

"Yeah, me too." I huff, looking down at the ground. "I guess I was wrong to trust you all so quickly."

"Trust is human nature, it's who we gift it to that could come with consequences." He says softly, moving his hand from my wrist and holding my hand in his. I feel some butterflies flutter in my stomach as he does. "I'll beat him up for you tomorrow if you want." He says, causing me to snort.

"There's no need." I laugh, squeezing his hand which makes his eyes sparkle. At least I still had Mingi. I let out a soft sigh, moving to sit beside him. "Why are you guys so hesitant to tell me about her?" I ask, staring at the floor.

"Some of us want to," Mingi says honestly. "But it's a sensitive topic." He adds.

"I understand that," I say. "But that doesn't mean I'm not curious. Why can't I look into her death? I know it has something to do with The Cobra." I look at him and he looks at me.

"Why do you say that like it's personal?" He asks, his deep voice breaking through the brief silence.

I hesitate again for a moment. "Because it is," I say. Maybe if I'm honest with him, he'll be honest with me. But I didn't want to tell him the whole story, it hurt too much to even think about.

Then the realization hit me.

That's why they didn't want to talk about Aurora. It was too personal. It brought feelings to the surface that they wanted to forget about. It made sense now, and a feeling of guilt settled in my stomach.

Mingi must have picked up on my conflict of emotions, as he cups my cheek to bring me back to him.

"I won't stop you from finding answers." He says softly. "But that doesn't mean the others won't try. And I can't protect you if that happens."

I nod in response. It's like he knew already, my mind went back to the night we first met. He'd known I grew up in high society, did he know what happened to Chaluai?

"Thank you," I whisper, our faces not resisting the magnetic pull.

"For what?" He murmurs, not pulling away as he glances down at my lips.

"For understanding," I say as our noses brush.

Then, our lips met. The kiss was featherlike like he was scared to hurt me any further. When we pull away, he rests his forehead on mine briefly.

"Give them time." He says softly, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb. "They'll stop taking you for granted eventually."

With that, he stands, pulling away from me slowly as if a part of him was telling him to stay.

I watch him as he heads towards the door, offering him a goodnight before he shuts the door behind him, leaving me in the silence of my thoughts once again.

taglist

@bellaptv @arilevenatz @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @hecateslittlewitchling

@neuviloved @monstacheol @latisthegenderfluidwannabealone

@vtyb23 @bigbabygremlin @professormingiglasses

@pinuspot @astral-trashcan @ateezswonderland @joonhasjiminsjams @atzlordz @lightwxodd

[theboombutton]

Bad Fictional Data vs Fictional Bad Data

WARNING: This post will include discussion of a name that might be Alice Dyer's deadname. I won't be calling Alice by this name or using it in the context of that name being a pointer to Alice, but I will be using the name, uncensored, when talking about where and why the name appeared in chdb.xls .

----

You may know that as part of the ARG, the sleuths on Statement Remains uncovered a document called chdb.xls, allegedly a list that has something to do with The Magnus Institute. There's a list of names, ID numbers, first and last names, dates of birth, and information apparently related to each person's "score" in an assortment of psychological/personality tests. Three of the names in particular have stood out in a lot of analyses: Samama Khalid, Gerard Kaey [sic], and Connor Dyer.

You likely don't know that the commonly linked version of the spreadsheet, ported to Google Docs and linked in the TMAGP ARG Masterdoc, is presented out of order. (I'm guessing they didn't lock down editing until it was already all out of order from various people messing with it - totally understandable, this is not a callout post, thank you for making this easily accessible to people.)

But let me tell you about something I discovered by looking at the spreadsheet in its original order, and the almost certainly incorrect rabbit hole of theorizing it has sent me down.

Bad Fictional Data

Until episode 2 I had the same thought about the Dyer listed in the spreadsheet that I think most people did: that it was Alice's deadname, and that she had therefore been one of the Institute's young subjects. But after Alice had absolutely no reaction when Sam mentioned the Magnus Institute to her in episode 2, I now think this is significantly less likely.

Don't get me wrong: it's still reasonable to think that the Dyer listed in chdb.xls is Alice. Maybe she had some kind of supernatural experience that wiped her memory. (It probably wasn't that Alice was too young to remember, as the Dyer on the spreadsheet is listed as being at Piaget Stage 3, which occurs from 7-11 years old; but it's always possible that the Magnus Institute was using the names of legitimate psychological tests to hide their tracks when recording more esoteric data.) The point is, this isn't hard evidence that Alice has no connection to the Magnus Institute; it just made me go looking for more evidence.

I went back to the spreadsheet to look for more clues about whether or not this was Alice's deadname. What I found instead was some extremely sloppy fake data at the bottom of the spreadsheet.

For context, here are first ten names in the spreadsheet:

Note how each ID begins with the name's first and last initial.

Now check out the last ten names:

Not only do these IDs no longer always match their subjects' names, they occur in order: CD, EF, GH, IJ, KL, MN, OP, QR, ST, UV. The first names of each pair match the first letter of each ID, but many, though not all, of the surnames don't match the second letter.

My first thought was that whoever Rusty Quill had contracted to generate these names had gotten sloppy at the end of the list, created the IDs all at once using this alphabetical pattern, and picked names to fill in that roughly matched the IDs. But hey, we could use this to our advantage! Any name that was filled in as part of a series of IDs with an alphabetical pattern like this could be removed from consideration for red string analysis - we'd know they were meaningless fakes added by a lazy contractor, and not clues or characters that might show up again later.

Scrolling back up the spreadsheet, we can see the person generating the data having more care the earlier we go. We find the beginning of the AA/BC/DE/FG/HI pattern at line 136, but at first, the names mostly conform to the initials they've been given. JK09874 "Josie Jordan" at line 154 is the first break from the "first two letters of the ID are their initials" pattern; and breaks occur more often the further you go down the sheet.

Scrolling up to before line 136 (AA09911 - Aaron Atkinson), while the pattern isn't yet at AB/CD/EF/GH levels of obviousness, the first initials are still in alphabetical order. Zoe Hart follows Yara Logan follows Xavier Freeman follows Wyatt Edwards. The data creator skips a few letters - for example Niamh Fenton is followed by Phoebe Emmett, and S and T are together in the same line in Skye Travers.

We can follow this less-obvious version of the alphabetical pattern up to an abrupt break right at line 118, above which the IDs don't follow an alphabetical pattern at all. (They might follow a different pattern, but it's not one that I've found yet.) So that means we can discount all the names in line 118 and below as purely fake, generated lazily by a contractor, and not worthy of our attention for the purposes of red-stringing. Right?

What the fuck?!

(highlight is my own, it is not present in the original document)

My first thought was that the sloppy data generator had done the funniest thing imaginable, sending everyone on a wild goose chase about Alice's deadname just by having the name "Dyer" on the brain while looking for a surname that started with D. This would be Very Funny. No plot relevance, no implications, just the brain fart that launched a thousand theories.

My second thought was that maybe Connor Dyer was the last legit name on the list, and whoever started filling the rest of the sheet in with alphabetical junk data was inspired by the "CD" initials in the first place - whoever it was went on from there.

These are both valid thoughts! But I prefer my third thought:

What if it's on purpose?

Fictional Bad Data

There is a very obvious break between the set of data that doesn't look obviously* fake, and the set of data that is immediately identifiable as such. If we assume that this was intentional - and I want to reiterate that it all being unintentional is still a very real possibility here - why would someone at Rusty Quill want the data to be structured like this?

If the sharp dividing line between reasonable-seeming data and obviously fake data is intentional on RQ's part, it would suggest that we should take the data above row 118 as in-universe real data, and the data below row 118 as in-universe falsified data. It suggests that someone, either at the Institute or after its demise, was adding nonexistent children to the roster of The Magnus Institute. Why would someone want to do that?

There are all kinds of possible reasons, but here are a few off the top of my and my theorizing buddies' heads:

Financial fraud (institutional edition). If the Magnus Institute received funding on a per-child basis, they'd have an incentive to inflate their numbers.

Financial fraud (researcher edition). One or more people on staff were blowing off their child-analysis sessions and recording fake numbers for fake children. This would be ballsy as hell if they could be fired for it, but it was the Magnus Institute, so there's decent odds they couldn't be.

Scientific fraud (faking conclusions edition). The Magnus Institute in the Protocolverse claimed to be doing research on giftedness in children, which is the kind of thing that you'd normally publish in a scientific journal. It's not unheard-of for dickhead academics to falsify data to generate statistically significant results, since statistically insignificant results aren't going to get you published.

Scientific fraud (obscuring paranormal bullshit edition). If the Magnus Institute was using legitimate psychological test names to record Fear-related test results, it's possible their results showed different patterns from what you would expect from the real tests. They could have added the fake children to balance out the dataset as a whole.

Pseudonyms. The children are all real, the Institute just started using fake names for them for privacy purposes. They couldn't go back and change the names they'd already written properly for some reason. Probably something paranormal.

Those are all pretty interesting possibilities, and if we could narrow them down, it might tell us something about what things were like at the Magnus Institute before it burned down!

And the other big question is: why did RQ make the dividing line between the two sections, the first likely-fake entry, Connor Dyer?

One straightforward reason could be as a troll, a red herring to watch fans get in a lather over. And once the community inevitably noticed all the obviously falsified entries, RQ could eat popcorn and watch us lose our minds over whether or not that's even a real entry! (That sounds really fun, I would absolutely do that.)

But let's dig a little deeper, and look at what Connor Dyer being on the border between the real and fake entries would mean in-universe. Because of its position as the border between real and fake, it would be very easy for that entry to be accidentally included in the wrong group - a real research subject discarded as fake, or perhaps more interestingly, a fake research subject accidentally reclassified as real.

Remember, if a name is fake in the context of the Magnus Institute's research, that doesn't mean that the name itself is made up. If I was trying to think of a name that fit the initials CD, and those were the initials of my next door neighbor's kid, I might just write their name in as a lark. Especially if it was my first time trying to get away with falsifying information: this is a kid that verifiably exists and lives in the area.

My theory, supported primarily by my love for The Implications instead of actual evidence

Twenty years on, after all institutional memory of the fraud was long gone, trans icon Alice Dyer applies to work for the OIAR - an institution that (according to this theory) has an unofficial preference for hiring former Magnus Institute kids.

They are very confused when Alice proceeds to act nothing like a former Magnus Institute kid. It doesn't occur to anyone that her entry might have been falsified. What reason would anyone have to do that?

----

* Of course people with a background in data analysis or statistics will see immediately that even above line 118 this is a wild-ass dataset that would raise red flags for falsification, but at least it's not "the alphabet over and over" levels of obvious.

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Nineteen

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking, angst lol word count: 4.9k a/n: y'all i have been trying so hard to make this story good but i hope you wont kill me after this part. don't forget i love y'all :)

pov: layla

The rest of the school day flew by, having gym with Allie made it a little more tolerable and not having Mia lurking over my shoulder was relieving. I ignored the usual whispers and dirty looks, seemingly more frequent than usual and I assumed it was because people knew about Matt and I.

I didn't quite understand what we were yet, we'd only been friends for under 2 weeks and I'd already let him into my life more than anyone I'd ever known. It frustrated me how easily my walls came down around him and how much I let him affect me. I didn't even mean to but I knew I had pushed him away during lunch but part of me was relieved that I was still able to do that, still able to keep my walls up around him whenever I needed to.

As I exited the building, Allie by my side rambling about something I tuned out due to my busy mind, I slipped my cigarettes out of my bag and lit the end of one between my lips. I made sure to blow the smoke away from Allie's face as I slid the pack back into my bag as we made our way to Nate's car.

"I'll be quick," I called to Nate who was leaning against his car, talking to Chris who was leaning against the minivan beside Nate's car. Nate nodded, resuming his conversation with Chris as I tuned back into what Allie was saying.

"So what do you think? Green or white nails?" she asked me and I mentally cursed at myself for not paying attention as we came to a halt a few feet away from Nate's car.

"Why not do green and white?" I suggested, trying to cover up the fact I had zoned out and gone too far into my own head to realise what she was talking about.

"Oh, good point. What about you?" she asked, pulling her cheer uniform down as she shivered, the tights on her legs not seeming to block out the cold as much as she hoped.

"What about me?" I asked, trying to quickly puff down my cigarette so as to not make Nate wait longer than he already had.

"What are you gonna do with your nails? Oh and we also have to figure out hair and makeup," she said matter-of-factly and I let my mouth hang open for a moment.

"I hadn't gotten that far yet," I answered honestly and she nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"No need to worry. I love helping people get dressed up. We can look at some stuff on Pinterest and figure out what you want to go with your dress," she answered confidently and I nodded in response with a small smile. I had been off since lunch and I knew she could tell but I was glad she didn't say anything about it.

I felt something touch my lower back and I jumped, spinning around to see Matt looking down at me with a worried expression, "Can I talk to you?"

"We're gonna go in a second," I answered quickly and he furrowed his eyebrows as I continued to take hits of the cigarette.

"Just for a minute," he asked quietly and I heard Allie shuffled behind me.

"I'll leave you guys to talk," she said quickly before she scurried away towards Nate, Chris and now Nick. I sighed, turning back to look at Matt who had nothing but a confused expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" he asked and I looked down, avoiding his eyes as I let out a breath.

"Nothing," I answered shortly and he stepped closer to me. I automatically tensed and I could sense his concern radiating off of him.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to," he spoke softly and I felt guilt spread through my body but I didn't let it show as I continued looking at the ground.

"I'm fine, Matthew," I spoke blandly, finishing the rest of my cigarette before throwing it on the damp ground and squishing it with the sole of my shoe, "I gotta go."

"Layls," he tried to catch my attention again but I shook my head, walking towards Nate and Allie silently.

"You guys ready to go?" I asked and they both looked at each other briefly, a concerned look shared between them before they nodded, "Bye guys."

I waved to Chris and Nick as I opened the back door of Nate's car, sliding in without another word as Allie slid in the passenger seat and Nate jumped in the driver's seat.

I kept my focus to the left of the car, feeling Matt staring at me as he got into the driver's seat of his car and Nate waved goodbye to them before he drove out of the parking space.

+++

After spending 2 hours at the mall with Allie, I couldn't find anything that I could afford and I decided I would have to just make my own dress. After grabbing stretchy black fabric and Allie buying me a sweat tea, she decided she wanted me to go to her house.

"If you come over I can help you pick out heals and what you want to do with your makeup and hair!" she suggested as we waltzed down the mall back towards the parking lot where her dad was waiting for her.

"I don't know," I trailed off, my mood still off from my interaction with Matt. I had turned off my phone, not bothering to check it the whole time we were out because I knew Matt would try to message or call me.

"Please. We can drop you home after dinner," she pleaded, her words dragging out as the bags in her arms rustled. I sighed, running a hand through my hair before I nodded.

"Okay," I answered and she clapped her hands happily, fastening her pace as we reached the exit of the building. I trailed behind her until she walked up to a car which I could only assume was her dad's BMW.

"Hey Dad," she called in a sing-song tone as she approached the driver's window which he conveniently had rolled down, "Is it okay if Layla comes over for dinner and we drop her home after?"

"You couldn't have told me earlier?" he asked, his tone frustrated and I kept my distance, feeling like I was intruding on their conversation. I let them talk as their voices quietened before Allie spun around to face me.

"Okay! We're good," she said excitedly as she rounded the car to the passenger side and I followed suit, opening the back door before throwing my bag on the floor and sliding in.

"Hi," I tried to sound as polite as possible as I closed the door behind me.

"Hello," her father's voice sounded rough and tired and I took it as a queue not to talk further since he still sounded irritated. I kept quiet the whole car ride as her dad turned up the music, making it clear he didn't want to talk. Allie didn't say anything, only hummed along to the music as we drove through the busy streets.

Soon enough, we pulled up to a 3 story house that looked as modern as the White House. I jumped out of the car, looking up at the architecture in awe as I closed the door behind me and swung my bag over my shoulder. I didn't notice that Allie and her dad had already made their way to the door until Allie called my name.

She stood by the door, holding it open for me. I quickly jogged up to the wooden door and walked inside as she closed it behind me. I let my mouth hang open as I looked at the front foyer, the black spiral staircase travelling upwards from the white marble floor shone brightly from the chandelier.

"Mom we're home!" Allie called out to her mother, her voice echoing on the tiles as I looked up at the 2 stories above us.

"In the kitchen!" I heard a woman's voice respond, assuming it was her mother's. I looked around in amazement as I followed Allie through the foyer, turning to the right to find a huge open kitchen with a dining area right beside it, the table seating able to fit at least 10 people, "I didn't know you were bringing a friend over."

"Mom, this is Layla. Layla, my mom, Diana," Allie introduced us and I looked at her mother, smiling at her with a small awkward wave.

"Hi Mrs Finley," I plastered a smile on my lips and she gave me a short smile before looking back at Allie who was almost a spitting image of her. They had the same ginger hair, green eyes and short, skinny figures.

"You didn't tell me your friend was coming," she said through her teeth as Allie just shrugged, her mother's passive aggressiveness seemingly unphased her.

"It was last minute," Allie said, jumping up and sitting on top of the marble counter and her mother frowned, turning around from the stove where various pots seemed to be cooking over the gas.

"You need to let me know beforehand, Alison. You know this," she spoke sternly and I stayed in place by the door, not missing the way her mother scanned me head to toe. I pulled the pink sweater further down my arms to hide my tattoos that I knew she would despise.

"She's not staying over. She's just staying for dinner then we'll drop her home," Allie shrugged and her mother sighed heavily, spinning around to face the stove again.

"Al!" I heard another male voice call from the foyer and Allie rolled her eyes, grabbing a handful of grapes from the fruit bowl to her left as she threw a few in her mouth.

"What?" she called, the grapes still in her mouth as she crossed her legs and her mother spun around with a scowl on her face.

"Don't talk with food in your mouth," she mumbled before facing the stove again and I leaned on the wall beside the door, unsure of where to go.

"Where did you put my helmet?" I heard the same male voice enter the room to my right and I looked over to see a guy who couldn't have been more than 2 years older than Allie and I. He turned to look at me, his dirty blonde hair flowing as he did so and he smirked at me, "Who's this?"

"That's Layla. Off limits, Xan," she deadpanned and he snickered as he looked back at her, his green eyes shining in the lights over the kitchen, "I don't know where your helmet is. I haven't touched it."

"Fuck off. I know you moved it," he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and I noticed the myriad of tattoos scattering his tan arms. I scanned his outfit, noticing the fact that he was clad in bike pants and a white shirt, a leather jacket hung over his right arm.

"Language," Diana scolded him and he simply rolled his eyes again, throwing his head back.

"Do you know where my helmet is, Mom?" he asked, his voice slightly more agitated and he glanced over at me, giving me a smirk which I returned with a frown.

"I don't know, honey. Have you asked your father?" she sighed, spinning around to face him before she glanced at me again with a scowl still written across her face.

"He said he doesn't know," the boy next to me answered and Allie groaned.

"Xander, you're a grown man. You can find your own shit," she mumbled and Diana hit her thigh with the back of her hand lightly to scold her again.

"I left it on my bike and now it's not there," he threw his hands out in front of him in defeat and Allie once again rolled her eyes.

"Where do you need to go anyway?" she asked as she popped another grape into her mouth and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees.

"I'm going to Shawn's," he answered shortly and Allie raised her eyebrows before glancing between me and him.

"Great! That means you can drop Layla home on your way," she announced and my eyebrows instantly furrowed, giving her a confused look.

"I didn't agree to that," he quickly shut it down and Allie shrugged her shoulders.

"She doesn't mind, right Layls?" she asked and I glanced between the three of them.

"I can just walk home. It's really not that far," I lied straight through my teeth and Allie frowned, knowing I lived nowhere near her.

"It would take you well over an hour to walk home. I'm not letting you go in the dark," she argued and I shrugged, adjusting my bag that was still on my shoulder.

"It's fine really," I brushed it off and she shook her head, Xander now groaning next to me before he looked at me.

"Where do you live?" he asked, his tone short from the annoyance of his younger sister.

"Uh," I hesitated, feeling uncomfortable in the expensive house with such proper people, "South End."

"You are not driving through South End, Xander," Diana quickly interjected and he looked towards his mother with a frown, "It's far too dangerous."

A moment of silence fell into the room and I glanced between the three of them uncomfortably. Allie patiently waited for her brother's agreeance, Diana waited for his denial and I couldn't help but notice a shift in his features as he smirked and his body became less tense.

"Sure. I'll talk you home," he shrugged as he looked directly at his mother who stared at him disapprovingly, "You ever ridden a motorbike before?"

"Yeah," I answered shortly, feeling the tension in the air as he looked back at me.

"Cool. Good thing I have two helmets," he smirked before waltzing out of the room again and I looked back at Allie with a frown.

"What? Now I don't have to convince my dad and you don't have to walk in the dark. It's a win-win," she shrugged and I sighed, running a hand over my face as she jumped off of the counter, "Come on. I'll show you my room."

I nodded as she picked up her bags from the floor and waltzed out of the kitchen and I followed behind her. She made her way up the stairs and once we reached the second floor, she walked down the long hallway before entering a room on the left. I entered the room, looking around at the white bare walls and the sheer size of the place. Her room alone was the size of my living room and I noticed the grey queen-sized bed in the corner with the saude grey couch sitting in the middle of the right wall.

"Holy shit," I mumbled as I dropped my bag down to the floor, looking at the flatscreen TV on the wall at the end of her bed and the vanity covered in various makeup products scattered across it on the other side of the room, "This is massive."

"Yeah. I tried to fill the space as much as I could," she mumbled as she walked through the giant space, throwing her bags on the elevated mattress. There were two pastel pink bean bags on the floor at the end of her bed with a white throw blanket on top of them. A wooden coffee table was in front of the two-seater couch, littered with different books and a pencil case, the two pink decorative pillows on the couch pulling the aesthetic of the room together.

"This is like the size of my living room and kitchen in one," I let my mouth hang open and she jumped on her bed, pulling the various items out of the shopping bags lazily.

"You should see my parents' room. It's like twice the size," she rolled her eyes dramatically, "I don't know why they bought this house. There are four of us living here and we have three spare rooms. It's insane."

She sounded almost bitter at the fact her parents had spent so much money on the house, the extra rooms being a nuisance to maintain but I didn't even bat an eye since I was too in awe of the amount of space. I looked to the left to see a walk-in closet filled to the brim with clothes and accessories.

"Okay! Let's talk hair and makeup," she announced and I hummed, still looking around her room before I sat on her bed. She began scouring through Pinterest on her phone, saving various photos of hair and makeup for the both of us to get ideas.

+++

"So what do your parents do, Layla?" Diana asked, her tone short as her spoon scraped on the bottom of her bowl of soup. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, Allie sitting on my left with her dad at the end of the table, Diana sitting next to her husband and Xander sitting across from me.

"Uh, my dad is a mechanic," I answered shortly, only half lying. He used to be a mechanic but now he only works on cars of people he's buying drugs off of.

"And your mother?" she asked, her spine straight as she sipped on her white wine and I placed my spoon down in the bowl.

"Um, she's not around," I answered vaguely and her eyebrows furrowed.

"Whereabouts is she?" she asked, her tone condescending and Allie coughed loudly.

"Mom," she mumbled, frowning at her mother and I shifted in my seat once again.

"I'm just asking a question, Alison," she spoke so clearly and precisely that I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes at her poise facade.

"She left when I was little," I answered honestly, my discomfort obvious and Allie turned to me, an apologetic smile on her lips and I gave her the same back.

"What do you do with yourself? Do you work?" her dad spoke up for the first time since we sat down and I shrugged, swallowing loudly.

"I help my dad with his work sometimes," again, it was a half-truth and I could lie straight through my teeth easily around people like this.

"So you don't actually have a job?" he asked, his words slightly patronising.

"She's still in school, dad. Give her a break," Xander rolled his eyes dramatically and his dad frowned at him, his mouth permanently in a straight line.

"Did I ask you a question?" he asked rhetorically and Xander sighed, shaking his head as he continued eating the pumpkin soup.

"Um, no. I don't have a job yet but I'm going to get one once I finish school," I spoke as confidently as I could and he looked back at me.

"You aren't going to college? What job do you intend to get without a degree?" he asked with a frown still plastered on his face and I let my mouth hang open, unsure of my own answer.

"Okay!" Xander interrupted as he placed his spoon back in his bowl, "Are you ready to go?"

"Xander, you haven't even finished your soup," his mother pointed out and he shrugged, pushing away from the table.

"I'm done. Thanks for dinner, Mom," he said quickly and I looked at Allie as if to ask if I could leave. She smiled at me and nodded before turning to her parents.

"May I leave the table to see them out? I'll come back after," she asked, the properness of it making my skin crawl and her mother nodded.

"Thank you for dinner. It was nice meeting you," I offered a polite goodbye, the words sounding as fake as they felt and Diana gave me a tight-lipped smile that didn't reach her eyes. I quickly got up as Xander walked out of the room and I followed behind him as Allie walked behind me. I was glad I brought my bag down to the front door earlier so I didn't have to bother getting it earlier.

"I'm sorry about them," Allie said apologetically as Xander walked out the front door and we followed suit as I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it," I gave her a tight-lipped smile and she sighed, running a hand through her hand.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow?" she asked and I nodded, picking up my bag and throwing it over my shoulder, "I gotta get back before they think I'm gone too long. Let me know if Xan does anything stupid."

"I will," I let out a half-hearted laugh and I walked over to where Xander was leaning on his black, helmet in hand. I observed the bike, gasping when I realised what it was, "You have a Ducati?"

"I'm surprised you know what that is," he stated with his eyebrows raised and I shook my head, walking around the bike as my jaw hung open.

"Are you fucking kidding? I've always wanted a Ducati," I mumbled, my hand running along the shiny black metal and he chuckled, pushing away from the bike as he spun around to hand me the white helmet. I hesitantly took it, sliding my bag over my shoulders so it lay across my chest instead of on just one shoulder.

"Don't worry. I've had a lot of people ride this with me," he smirked cockily as he picked up the black helmet hanging off of the right handlebar.

"I bet," I mumbled, rolling my eyes as I slid the helmet onto my head. I grabbed the strap under my chin but it was difficult to click into place without being able to see.

"Here," he stepped around the bike and I let my hands fall to my sides as I tilted my chin upwards. He clicked it into place before tightening the strap and I let my head fall back down, the visor still being up as I looked up at him through the gap in the helmet. He tapped the top of my helmet before mumbling, "Cute."

"Just get me home without crashing before you try to flirt with me," I grumbled making him chuckle. He grabbed the black helmet sliding it over his head and clicking the strap in, tightening it quickly. He zipped up the pocket in his pants he had his phone in before sliding his gloves on.

"Out of all Al's friends," he said as he swung his leg over the bike and sat down, "You're already my favourite."

"This is gonna be a long ride," I rolled my eyes as I placed my left foot on the peg, swung my right leg over the bike and sat down on the small seat at the back.

"Oh by the way," he said loudly before he reached in the gap in the helmet to seemingly adjust something before his voice rang in my helmet, "I have comms."

"Oh great. Now I can hear you talking out of your ass the whole ride," I said sarcastically and his laugh rang through my ears. I flicked the visor down and he followed suit.

"You ready?" he asked and I hummed before he kicked the stand up. He turned on the bike, soon after and the engine revved to life, "You gotta hold on unless you wanna fly off the back."

"This is insane," I mumbled, leaning forward as I wrapped my arms around his torso and I heard his laugh ring through the helmet once again. I placed my chin on his left shoulder as he kicked it into first gear and we crept out of the driveway.

As we got onto the road, I instantly felt the cold wind pierce my skin through my clothes as it whipped around us and I tightened my arms around him.

"You good?" he asked through the headset and I hummed quickly, looking ahead as we passed multiple buildings quickly. My heart started beating with the rumble of the engine and a smile crept on my face as I thought of an idea.

"Can I lean back?" I asked hesitantly as I looked at the street lights around us.

"Let me turn left up here then you can. It's a straight road after that," he explained and I hummed, gripping tightly onto his leather jacket against his stomach, "Just move with my body as we turn."

"I know," I stated confidently and he let out another chuckle. After a few seconds, he slowed ever so slightly and we leaned into the turn before he straightened up again.

"You can lean back just don't stand up and don't lean back too far or you'll throw it off balance," he instructed me and my stomach filled with butterflies of excitement. I let my hands unravel from around his waist, still holding onto his sides as I leaned away from his back slightly. The wind hit me even more but it made me feel alive, it made me feel real.

My hair flicked behind me from the bottom of the helmet and I carefully let go of his waist. I looked ahead to see only one car ahead of us and it was far enough away that I could comfortably expand my arms out on either side of me.

"This is so fun!" I said excitedly as I leaned closer to him again, my arms being pushed back by the wind slightly. I heard a sound of amusement travel from him and I giggled to myself.

"You wanna go around this car?" he asked and I looked ahead to see we were approaching the car quickly. I let out a sound of approval, "Hold onto me."

I let my arms wrap back around his torso as he sped up slightly and within an instant, we zipped past the car with ease. I turned my head to look around at the buildings we flew past and the cars passing by us on the other side of the road.

"I don't know where to go from here, babe. You're gonna have to give me directions," he spoke loudly into the mic and I hummed, looking straight ahead again.

The next 10 minutes were spent mumbling different directions to him as my hands practically froze from the cold air and my hair tangled under the helmet. Soon enough, we arrived at my street and he slowed the bike when we were a few houses away from mine.

We pulled up to my house before he switched the engine off and put down the kickstand. He held out a gloved hand to help me get off the bike which I gladly accepted, swinging my legs off of the bike before I unclipped the strap and slid the helmet off.

"That was so fun," I smiled happily, certain that my hair was stuck up in all different directions as he slid open the visor to talk to me, "Allie never told me she had a brother by the way."

"She never told me she had such a pretty friend," he replied smoothly and I furrowed my eyebrows, a slightly amused smile on my lips.

"I'll let that slide for now because that was so fun but never do that again," I shook my head, handing him the helmet and he quickly spun around to attach it to the strap on the pillion seat.

"You have a boyfriend or something?" he asked as he turned to face me and I let my mouth hang open for a moment, unsure of how to answer.

"It's complicated," I told him honestly and I could see the smirk from under his helmet as he shook his head.

He looked ahead to where my house was before saying, "Is that your not-boyfriend?"

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked over where his eyesight was and I saw none other than Matt standing there with his arms folded. He had an unsatisfied expression written across his face as he leaned against his car, staring directly at me.

"I'll take that as my queue to leave," Xander said with slight amusement in his voice before revving the engine of the bike back to life and yelling, "Tell Allie I can pick you up whenever you need, pretty girl."

He flicked the visor of his helmet back down before giving me a salute and suddenly, he sped off down the road. My body ran cold at the sound of the nickname coming from his mouth, hating the way it felt compared to when Matt said it. I looked back over to where Matt was glaring at me and I quickly jogged towards him.

"Matt-"

"I don't wanna hear it, Layla," he shook his head, his words sounding like venom directly to my heart and I let my arms drop beside me.

"It's not what it looks like," I tried to explain as he pushed away from the car and let out a bitter laugh.

"Really? That's what you're going with?" he asked, a look of disbelief on his face as he threw his hands out in front of him, "You ignore me all day, don't answer any of my calls or messages so I decide I'm gonna show up to your house to sort this out and I see you get off the bike of some other deadbeat guy!"

"Deadbeat guy? That's Allie's brother," I furrowed my eyebrows and he raised his with a nod of his head.

"Oh cool. So you're just hitting it off with one of my best friend's brothers now?" he asked, anger seeping off of him and it only made me want to yell at him more but I didn't get the chance to, "I did nothing wrong and now you're off with some other guy doing god knows what. You didn't even try to talk to me."

"He was just dropping me home!" I argued and he shook his head, another bitter laugh emitting from his mouth as he swung the driver's door open.

"Don't come to my game tomorrow. I can't fucking believe you right now," he spat out angrily as he jumped in, slamming the door closed behind him.

I rounded the car as I yelled at the glass separating us, "Matt just listen to me!"

He started the car and within an instant, he drove down the street and I watched the taillights disappear in the distance as my shoulders dropped in devastation.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

tags:

@dsturniolo @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn @chrizznmetswife @ilovechrissturniolo1 @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @sturniolowhore @jebbie-project-blog @jaxyy219

[ciaomarie]

Part 1: What then?

Some seemingly innocent, but truly mind-altering information is shared in a staff meeting.

Short fan fic. Low-key Sydcarmy/The Bear fluff. Post-season 2. Canon-compliant.

Location: The Bear

Time: 10:05 a.m.

The restaurant had closed lunch service on a Tuesday for a "Development Day". The Bear had been open for 5 months and had a 2 month wait list! After Family and Friends when they had all banded together the Bear crew had gotten tighter than ever. Carmen had been a outsider in his own restaurant for a couple weeks, but soon the dust settled. Even Sydney came around after 3 weeks of his patient groveling. The duo was good and soon The Bear had become one of Chicago Tribune's "Best New Restaurants." However, with success The Bear was changing fast. They had hired more full-time front and kitchen staff, which was great. The downside was that "respectful communication" and "customer complaint management" was waning a little. Things were not terrible, but Richie for whom Ever set the bar in hospitality, The Bear should always be improving, not sliding backwards. Natalie, Carmen and Sydney agreed. They also wanted to discuss new menu changes and a to-go system they would be testing soon.

"Okay, people! Let's get started" Natalie said beckoning everyone to take a seat at the front of house.

Richie stood next her "casually dressed" in a button down blue dress shirt and dark grey slacks.

He began, "As you know The Bear is on track to paying off the loan and we're the freakin' toast of the town right now, but this is not the time to take a nap. We gotta keep our eyes on the prize. So first, up facial regulation as known as RBF awareness."

Natalie tapped his shoulder and whispered, "Richie, I love your enthusiasm, but I thought we might start with an ice breaker?"

He shrugged and continued, "But Nat, has a ice breaker. Take it away".

Natalie resumed.

"So, first we want to thank each of you for being part of this dream and making it fun, rewarding, and successful. As you know The Bear is a family business and since there's new faces here we'd like to get to know you better and vice versa. We'll start with a quick round of "Best and Worst". Just pick a question out of the cup and answer it. Please keep your answers to 2 minutes."

The first question went to Randall, a young man in his early 20's with dark curly hair and thick glasses that frequently fogged in the humid kitchen. He was the new assistant pastry chef.

"What was the best place I ever lived? Hm…Guam. My dad, Army, was stationed on the base and I lived there from age 9-11. I had like 12 friends just on my block and we were always playing soccer, swimming, or riding our bikes. It was awesome."

"Thanks Randall!" Natalie chirped.

The next went to Tina.

"Ok…what is worst advice I've ever been given? Keep your head down and do what you know. That's the advice I used to give myself. Thankfully I didn't listen because now I'm a sous chef!"

Sydney who was sitting near the front between Gary and Carmy, beamed at Tina who returned the smile with a little moisture in her eyes.

The next question went to Marcus.

"Best moment in the last year? It was training at Noma, in Copenhagen. It was my first international trip. I got to stay in a houseboat, explore the city, meet cool people, and figure out that I wanted to do this maybe forever."

The last several months had been really hard due to Marcus's mom's passing. He had returned to work after a week of mourning citing that he knew she wouldn't want him to sit at home now that she was no longer sick. Despite that he was getting better every day and had come up with several new popular dessert specials. Tina was seated next to him and patted his arm.

The next few questions went to new dishwasher, Chris, Fak, and then Gary.

Sydney drew the next question and winced upon reading it. It wouldn't be possible to lie because Marcus already knew the truth.

"What was my best meal ever? Well…it was this pork confit with onions and rhubarb. Then after I had this dish called Milk and Honey."

She kept her eyes plastered on the tiny strip of paper while she spoke. In her peripheral field she could see Carm turning slightly towards her, his cornflower blue eyes boring two holes into the side of her head.

"Sounds grand. Ok, Carmy pick a question" Richie ordered wanting to get down to business by 10:30am.

Carmy didn't seem to hear him. He was on another planet.

"Yo cuz, pick a question!"

He startled and drew a question.

"Uh ok. Best part of my day? Hmmm. Closing up."

It was now Sydney's soul's turn to exit her body. Every night, with few exceptions, she and Carmy ended the night in his office to debrief on the day, perform last checks, and close together.

After a moment she felt his eyes still glancing at her. Without turning she whispered, "Later." The last thing she needed was to look at him, and forget how much time was passing, giving Richie yet another reason to tease them. Not long ago he gave them matching copies of a workplace relationship etiquette tip sheet stapled to an OSHA industrial hygiene handout before leaving them to close.

She sighed, trying to compose herself. It was no big deal. So what that Carm knew he was responsible for the best thing she ever ate? Also, they're partner-friends so it's totally normal that his favorite time of day when is they are together…alone. Right?

UH OH.

[cherrycola27]

false god

Series Warnings: Mythology!AU. Language, alcohol, drinking. Military inaccuracies. Mutual pining, unrequited love. Allusions to full smut. Minors DNI. 18+. Individual chapter warnings will come as needed. Banner Credit @thedroneranger

Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

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Chapter 11: Call It What You Want

Two weeks had passed since the incident with the God hunters. After being checked by medical for his "fall," Bradley learned that his nose wasn't broken but severely bruised. He was put on desk duty, but it had finally healed where he could be in his jet again.

In those two weeks, he'd spent every night in your apartment in your bed. His clothes had even found themselves in your drawers, and his toothbrush was next to yours by the sink. His deodorant sat next to yours in the medicine cabinet, and his razor and shaving products were neatly tucked beside your makeup. Bradley had also helped himself to more than a fair amount of your expensive shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, but you didn't care.

You were busy in the kitchen, uniform on, and ready to go when Bradley strolled in wearing a pair of swim trunks and his favorite Hawaiian shirt.

"G'Morning, Angel." He said as he gave you a quick peck before grabbing a coffee mug from your cabinet and pouring himself a cup.

"It's a morning. If it were a good morning, I'd be going to the beach with you, Bob, Phoenix, and Javy. Instead, I'm stuck in a classroom until lunch and have to fly with Payback, Fanboy, and Hangman later today." You sighed.

A new class of Top Gun recruits had just started. It was a smaller class than usual, so the Daggers had been alternating Fridays when it came to teaching. It was great because it made every other weekend a three day weekend. Unfortunately, you and Bradley had been put on opposite schedules.

"Don't worry, Baby. You'll survive, and this afternoon, I'll come pick you up, and we will go get the Bronco and then veg out on the couch." Bradley assured you.

The Bronco had been in the shop getting some necessary maintenance, and Bradley had been your chauffer for the week, insisting on driving even though it was your car.

"Have you thought anymore about what I said? I mean, most of your stuff has migrated here the past two weeks. You've slept here every night, and your lease is coming up next week!" You say. You'd been trying to get Bradley to move in with you. You lived in the same building, and it didn't make sense for him to keep paying for his apartment when yours was bigger and better.

Also, if he moved in, you might finally be able to have sex.

In the two weeks since Bradley had given you the best orgasm of your life, the two of you had gotten more physical. He'd treated you to his hands, and his glorious mouth more times than you could count, and you'd returned the favor, but there was something about going all the way with him that made you apprehensive.

In the back of your mind, you were terrified of losing control and hurting him while you were in the throws of passion. But maybe—maybe the security that him moving in brought would help you overcome that mental obstacle.

Because he made you feel safe

Bradley sighs, "Angel, I love you, but I don't want us to rush into anything. My lease is up in two weeks. I'll really think about it. I promise. Now we'd better get going before you're late." Bradley pecks your lips and snatches the car keys from your hand in one swift motion.

He holds your hand the whole walk down the hallway, and in the elevator, he can't resist pressing you to the wall for some heated kisses.

His hand rests on your thigh as he drives you to base. He slides into your reserved parking spot and gets out before coming to open your door. He gives you a goodbye kiss followed by a playful smack on your ass as you turn away from him.

You spin around to shoot him a look, but you laugh instead. Just before you leave, you blink three times and check his lifetime counter. It's unchanged, like it has been for weeks. You breathe out a sigh of relief before heading inside.

.................

A few hours later, you're almost done with your lecture, and Bradley will be coming to base to bring you lunch after his morning at the beach. You're teaching away with Payback and Fanboy. You're just about to change the slide on your presentation when you feel a twinge of pain in your chest. Your mind snaps to Bradley.

No, he was fine

You'd checked this morning

You dismissed it and keep working.

Maverick is sitting in his office working on some paperwork when his phone rings. He doesn't recognize the number, so he answers quickly. His breath catches in his throat when the person on the other line speaks

Hangman is just dismissing his class for lunch today when Maverick runs up to him in the hallway frantically searching for you. Mav explains everything and sends Jake to your room while he scrambles to get to the hospital.

You have about fifteen minutes left in your lecture, and someone's phone has just vibrated for the third time.

"Who's phone is that?" You practically yell at your students. A junior lieutenant raises their hand and points out that it's yours. You apologize for your outburst and go to silence your device.

The moment you touch it, the pain in your chest comes back, and it rings again. You answer it, stepping out into the hallway.

"Hello?" You say into the phone.

"Hello, is this Commander Y/N Kolasi?" A woman asks you.

"Yes. Who is this?" You question her.

"This is Dr. Maya Tunner from San Diego Medical Center. I have you listed as an emergency contact for Lieutenant Commander Bradley Bradshaw." She says. Your heart drops.

"Oh my god." You breath out.

"Miss Kolasi, I'm calling to inform you that Mr. Bradshaw was in a vehicular accident and has been brought in for treatment. He's about to go in for surgery, and we need you down here as soon as possible." Dr. Tunner says before hanging up the phone.

The world feels like it's spinning in slow motion. How could this be? You'd just checked his counter this morning. Your knees buckle. You lean against the wall for support as you try not to cry.

You hear someone calling your name but you can't place it.

"Hades—Hades—look at me." Jake says as he grabs your arms to steady you.

"Jake—it's Bradley—he—he—" you can't speak.

"I know. I know. Mav sent me to get you. He's on his way to the hospital now, I'm going to drive you there. I've got your things from your office, let's go." Jake says as he gently loops an arm around your back to keep you steady as he walks beside you. You're distraught. Your hands were shaking and tears were streaming down your face.

Jake had to buckle you into his car because of how much you were trembling.

"I can't believe this is happening. This wasn't supposed to happen. I checked before he left. He was supposed to be okay!" You mumbled over and over again between sobs as Jake drove you to San Diego Medical Center.

"Hades, everything is going to be fine. Take a few deep breaths." Jake tried to comfort you.

"You don't understand! I checked! I made sure! He was supposed to be fine!" You practically shouted at Jake.

"Checked what? Hades, you aren't making any sense. You're upset. Just relax." Jake said, more confused than anything.

You let our a groan of frustration. You made sure Bradley's lifetime counter was fine. This wasn't supposed to happen. You shouldn't have ignored your feeling. If something terrible happened to Bradley, it would be all your fault!

It would be the second time you hurt someone you loved

Moments later, Jake pulled into the parking lot at the hospital. You bolted from his car towards the entrance. You charged towards the nurses station in the emergency room to find out about Bradley, but Maverick intercepted, catching you by your shoulders and turning you to face him.

"Hades, slow down." Maverick said.

You swallowed thickly as you faced him. New tears lined your lashes as you began to speak

"I don't know how this happened, Mav. I checked to make sure he was going to be okay before he dropped me off. Nothing was wrong. He was safe. It didn't—it didn't change. I wouldn't have let him go if it changed. It's all my fault, Pete. It's all my fault!" You babble out hysterically. Before you started to hyperventilate.

Maverick gave you a confused look. He wasn't sure what you were talking about, but given the state you were in, he wasn't sure if you knew what you were saying either.

Obviously, the news of Bradley being in an accident had you shaken.

"Hades, breathe. I need you to breathe. I can't have you in the ER, too, Kid. C'mon, take a few deep breaths with me." Maverick said as he did a few deep breathing exercises with you.

Once you had your breath semi-regulated, you and Maverick sat down in some chairs at a far corner of the waiting room.

"I spoke to the doctors, nurses, and police and found out what happened. A box truck ran a red light and slamed into the driver's side of your car. It was your car that he was driving? Right? Because I remember the Bronco being in the shop." Maverick began. You nod your head.

"Okay, so the truck hit the driver's side door, and the car behind Bradley tried to stop, but they ended up rear-ending him. The paramedics said it could have been a lot worse. But, they did some x-rays and a CT scan. He's got a concussion, some bruised ribs, and a broken clavicle. He's in surgery right now to repair it. They'll probably have to put a steel rod in, depending on the damage, but he'll be okay. It will take him a few months to heal up, but Bradley will be able to fly again once he's recovered." Maverick told you.

Your heart hurts. This explains why his lifetime counter didn't change. The accident didn't put him in a near death situation, but you still feel like all of this is your fault. Your a Goddess for crying out loud, you should have been able to predict this.

Bradley was the one thing you had in life that you truly cared about. If you couldn't keep him safe, what purpose did you serve?

None, you were usless

You spend what feels like forever in the waiting room before a nurse finally takes you and Maverick back to Bradley's hospital room. You get a hold of Amelia to make sure Cerberus and Hyrda get a walk in. Penny calls you to tell you that she's going to bring them to her house tonight to look after them because she figures you'll want to stay with Bradley overnight.

You thank her and ask her to pack you a few things to bring to the hospital, and she is more than happy to oblige.

Soon, Bradley is being wheeled into the room. He's still a little groggy from the surgery, but a dopey grin appears on his face when he sees you. His left arm is in a sling, but he reaches out his right one and makes a grabby hand towards you.

"Angel!" He slurs, beckoning you to him.

"Hi, Bradley. Hi, Love." You greet him in a weepy voice as you go to his side. Mav comes to stand beside you.

"You gave us quite a scar there, Kid." Maverick remarks.

"Sorry, didn't mean to." Bradley laughs.

"I know you didn't. I'm just glad you're okay. The doctor says they want to keep you here for a day or two, just to make sure you're healing well. Hades has already volunteered to stay with you, which figured as much." Maverick chuckles.

"What about Hyrda and Cerberus?" Bradley asks. Even after a serious car and a morphine induced high, he's worried about the well-being of your pets.

"Penny and Amelia are going to look after them. Don't worry." You assure him.

Maverick gives Bradley a hug before going downstairs to meet Penny to get your bag from her.

"Angel, M'sorry about your car. It's all smashed up now." Bradley apologizes to you. If he didn't have a concussion, you would have slapped him on the head.

"Love, I don't care about the car. I can get a new one. It can be replaced. But you, there's not another one of you in the world. I'll never be able to replace you, Bradley. All that matters is that you are okay. I love you."

Bradley nodded and cupped your face with his free hand. You pushed some of his curls off of his forehead and placed a tender kiss on it.

.................

Bradley spent two days in the hospital and was eager to get out. Maverick had retrieved the Bronco, and you'd called up an old car sales associate friend of yours. It cost you more money than most could fathom, but you were able to get an almost identical replacement of your Range Rover, right down to the paint job.

But the cost didn't matter. Being on Earth for a thousand years, you'd made good investments. You had more money than you could every spend in an eternity.

Bradley couldn't believe it when he was wheeled out of the hospital and saw your car waiting for him. He wanted to question you but thought better of it.

His injury helped you with the move in debate, though.

You told him it would be better for his recovery. You could take care of him. After all, he was on bed rest with strict orders for no strenuous activity for twelve weeks.

Bradley hated the idea of being down so long. He also hated the fact that it would be even longer before he could sleep with you. Sex wasn't the most important thing to him in a relationship, but if he kept this streak up, it was never going to happen.

He silently hoped that he would heal faster because he doesn't know if he can make it til March to have you.

You were excited that Bradley was moving in with you. To have a two bedroom apartment, he hardly had anything. It took you, Maverick, and the rest of the Daggers less than a day to pack up, move, and unpack all of his belongings. Granted, he was just moving from his floor to yours, but it still seemed like it went by fairly easy.

Bradley disliked the fact that you wouldn't let him help. He hated feeling useless. You did your best to help him through everything, but he was a stubborn man. He was so used to being on his own that it was hard for him to rely on someone else.

Just like you

But, both of you pushed through and found a good rhythm with each other. It also didn't hurt that your favorite way to get Bradley's mind off things was to give him a sloppy blow job. He wasn't a fan of not being able to return the favor, but you worked through that, too.

It took a little getting used to, but while he couldn't do much in the way of touching you, Bradley loved watching you touch yourself, so, when he was feeling down, you put on a show for him before treating him with your mouth.

..............

Finally, Bradley was able to go back to work. He still had to keep his arm in a sling, and he couldn't do much more than file some papers and proved support in the classroom, but it felt good for him to be on base after three months away. He was going stir crazy in the apartment.

Bradley was also attending physical therapy and getting stronger every day. He was counting down the days he was cleared for physical activity again. As soon as he was, he was clearing both of your schedules and not letting you leave your bed for a week.

He was going to have you in every filthy way he'd imagined and even some that he hadn't thought of yet.

He couldn't wait for the chance to strip you down and enjoy every inch of your body. He longed for the day that he could have you fully bare before him, and he could inspect every single one of the tattoos on your thigh and appreciate every detail, because now that he thinks about it, Bradley isn't sure if he's seen you totally naked. He's seen almost every piece of lingerie you own, but your full birthday suit was still a bit of a mystery to him.

He knows that you have something tattooed on your hip bone, but he's never seen all of it. Soon, he hoped, soon.

Bradley was shaken from his thoughts of your naked body when your fully clothed one appeared in front of him.

You were wearing your flight suit, getting ready for a training exercise with your class of recruits.

"Hello, Love." You greeted him warmly as he stood up from his desk to kiss you.

"I was hoping you'd come watch me fly, maybe listen in on the tower?" You asked as you batted your eyes in a way that you knew Bradley would find irresistible.

"Angel, I have so much work to get done before my PT today." Bradley told you.

"Please. I miss seeing you. I miss flying with you." You whined, hoping you change his mind. You looked up at Bradley with big doe eyes and bit your lip.

He sighed and shook his head. "Fine, you win."

"Yay! See you soon!" You cheered as you pranced out of his office. Bradley chuckled as he watched you walk away. You really did have him wrapped around your finger. And then, for a fleeting moment, the thought crossed his mind again. He thought back to his recent search history, and the important thing his mother had given him that was tucked away in a safety deposit box at the bank and how you always wore silver jewelry.

But then he told himself that it was too soon. You'd known each other for less than a year. You'd never even talked about what he was thinking about. Was it something you wanted? Because he didn't realize it was something he wanted until he met you.

Bradley doesn't allow himself to think too long about it, or else he'll start spiraling down the rabbit hole like he did a few nights ago.

Instead, he grabs his phone and water bottle a heads up to the tower to listen in on the training exercise.

He takes a seat beside Maverick who gives him a genuine smile.

You and Hangman have your classes set up in teams, working together to try and take the other down.

You and one of your students, Don, Bradley thinks is his call sign, are working against Jake and his student Gunner.

Bradley hears you and Don working together, trying to trap Jake and his wingman. He had to give it to the kid. He was good, not as good as you and Bradley together, but good nonetheless.

Eventually, the two of you end up taking down Hangman and his wingman, and Bradley doesn't hold back his cheers. Jake may be his friend, but nothing makes him happier than seeing his girl succeed.

Bradley and Maverick come out of the tower and make their way down to the tarmac. Jake is walking with his tail tucked in between his legs, mumbling about how he's losing his edge.

A few of the students pass Bradley, and he is waiting for you. He catches sight of you, chatting with one of the recruits. Bradley assumes that it's Don, who you were just flying with.

You've got your helmet off and have a big smile on your face as you speak. Bradley can't quite put his finger on it, but something doesn't sit right with him about your student.

He's tall, at least as tall as Bradley, and maybe a little bit broader in the shoulders. He's walking close to you, closer than he should be, and when he takes off his helmet, that's when Bradley sees it. The million dollar, panty dropping grin that he's seen Jake use more than once at the Hard Deck.

You're absolutely oblivious to it, but Bradley doesn't like it. An unfamiliar feeling creeps up inside him the closer the two of you get. Bradley can make out his features now. Don has dark hair and olive skin. He has a chiseled jaw line and piercing eyes.

You through your head back laughing at something he says be for shoving his arm. The sinking feeling in Bradley's gut flares up again as Don pushes you back. His hand a little lower on your arm than necessary to be considered friendly.

The two of you finally make your way up to Bradley.

"Lieutenant Holden, this is my wingman, Lieutenant Commander Bradley Bradshaw, call sign, Rooster." You smile as you introduce Bradley.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir, Lieutenant Jackson Holden. Call sign Adonis, but most people call me Don." The younger man induces himself with a wink.

"Nice to meet you." Bradley says politely.

Adonis, what a fucking douche bag call sign. It might be worse than Hamgman. This kid definitely reminds Bradley of a younger version of Jake. Now he's even more mad that he can't fly, because he'd love to knock him down a few pegs.

"That was some pretty good flying you did up there." Bradley says.

"Thank you, sir, but I can't take credit for it, Hades is a great teacher." Adonis says as he smiles at you again. You blush. "I've learned a lot from her so far, and some there are plenty of other things that she could teach me." He says slyly.

Bradley tries to remain composed, but this kid is really pushing his luck. "Well—" you begin, "Why don't we hit the locker rooms and meet up at the Hard Deck in an hour? Drinks are on me for winning today!" You announce.

The rest of your students cheer and peel off, Adonis lingers for a moment longer before leaving. Bradley immediately takes your hand in his and kisses you.

"So proud of you, Baby, but do you have to go out tonight?" He asks.

"C'mon, Bradley. It will be fun. Trust me." You say. And he did trust you, it was others that he didn't.

...............

The Hard Deck was filled with life when you and Bradley arrived. It took the two of you a little longer to get there because you had to help him get dressed and make sure his sling was secure. He couldn't wait to get it off next week.

Phoenix shoved each of you a beer the moment she saw you and brought the two of you over to the corner the Daggers had taken up residence at.

Bradley sat on a stool and sulked. The Hard Deck wasn't as fun for him right now. He couldn't play pool or play the piano. All he could do was sit and drink.

About twenty minutes after the two of you arrived, your students showed up. Adnois was the first to greet you. He had bought you a drink and handed it to you before giving you an overly friendly hug.

The kid was wearing a tight black v-neck shirt with a silver chain peaking out. Bradley felt that familiar pang of —not jealousy— Bradley didn't jealous—shoot through him as he watched the younger man's muscles ripple under his shirt.

Bradley couldn't help but feel bad. Every since he's been injured, his once toned body with chisled muscles had become—softer. He was still fit, but not liked he'd once been.

He took another sip of his beer and watched you chart with your students, Adonis still glued to your side. He was trying his best to flirt with you, but you were oblivious to it.

Thankfully, Phoenix came and grabbed you to be her partner for a pool game against Bob and Coyote.

Bradley cheered you on from the sideline as a few others—including Adonis, watched on.

You bent over to take a shot, and Bradley didn't miss the way the younger man's eyes raked over your form. How could he not?

You were dressed in a crimson top with off the shoulder straps. A tight pair of high-waisted black shorts over your ass. The way you bent over the pool table let Bradley know that you definitely weren't wearing underwear.

He noticed a few of your students wag an eyebrow at each other. Bradley was doing his best to keep his cool. You were their instructor. They should be more respectful towards you, not looking at you like you were a piece of meat.

He downed the rest of his beer and stood up. He was just about to give all of them, Adonis included, a piece of his mind, but Jake was pulling him to the side to ask him a question.

You'd finished your pool game at about the same time, and Adonis was quickly leaving his table with his friends to come and take up more of your time. You were sitting at on a bar stool, and he'd brought you another drink and was invading your space under the guise that the bar was busy.

You were about to look for Bradley when Adonis placed a hand on your knee to keep your attention.

You immediately pushed his hand away and were about to say something when Bradley appeared at your side with a fresh drink. He pushed his way between the two of you before curling his good hand at the nape of your neck and pulled you in for a hot kiss.

"Sorry, Angel, you just looked so pretty sitting over here, I couldn't help myself," Bradley said as you pulled apart.

Bradley turned back towards Adonis. "Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there, Donnyboy." Bradley smirked as he curled you against his side.

"No problem, l, sir—I wasn't aware that you two were a couple." He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"We don't really advertise it. People like to make assumptions, but we've been seeing each other for about six months." You tell him.

"Well—um— I think I hear Gunner calling for me. Have a good night, Commander, Lieutenant Commander." Adonis says before shuffling away.

"Bradley!" You exclaim as you push his good shoulder.

"What?" He looks at you innocently.

"You know exactly what." You shoot back. Bradley laughs and rolls his eyes at you. "I just didn't want that kid to get any ideas."

You gap at your boyfriend. You don't know if it's funny or sexy that he was jealous of one of your students. You take a look at his slightly flushed faced and puffed out chest and decide that it's sexy—definitely sexy. That's the only logical explanation as to why you're clenching your thighs together right now.

You grab Bradley's hand and pull him off his seat. You weave through the crowd and settle your tab with Penny before leading him outside. You're parked in a dark corner, and once you get to you car, you press Bradley against it for a heated kiss, which he happily returns.

"So you're not mad at me?" Bradley asks as you separate for air.

"Oh, on the contrary, Lieutenant Commander. I thought it was extremely hot that you were jealous. Never thought I'd see a little green-eyed Rooster appear on your shoulder." You quip.

"I wasn't jealous—I just needed Donnyboy to know that you were off limits." Bradley defends himself.

"I'm his instructor and commanding officer, I think he knows I'm off limits." You say.

"You're my commanding officer, too. Didn't stop me." Bradley counters. You huff out a laugh.

"Touché. But he's a twenty-something kid who has probably never made a girl cum in a his life. You're a grown man and the first person who hasn't let me down in a thousand years. There's no contest, Love." You tell him as your lips slowly dance across the scars on his neck and up to his chin. "You can admit that you were jealous, Bradley. I think it's hot."

"Maybe I was a little jealous, I didn't like the way he was looking at you. At least the kid has good taste, but he can be hot for teacher for someone else because I don't plan on sharing." Bradley practically growls as his lips find yours again.

You rub your hand over the fly of his jeans, and you can feel how hard he is for you. "Let's go home, Love. I plan on giving you the sloppiest of sloppy head so I can show you just how sexy I think you are." You whisper in Bradley's ear. He doesn't have to be told twice. He's yanking your door open before climbing in the passenger seat, ready to go.

Bradley is thoroughly keyed up by the time the two of you get home. He's practically dragging you to the bedroom, and slamming the door behind the two of you once you're inside.

You're moving painfully slow as you undress him, drawing out the process. Bradley is shifting impatiently from foot to foot. He's desperate to have your warm, wet mouth around his aching cock.

You've gotten him out of his shirt and shoes. Your hand moves to the button of his jeans. You grab his zipper and drag it down slowly. A whine, an honest to gods whine, left Bradley's lips as you did so.

"Someone's impatient." You smirked up at him as you slipped your hand into his boxers and grasped his length.

He was hot and heavy in your hand, his tip, leaking precum as you stroked him.

"Angel." Bradley groaned. You looked up at him with a mischievous twinkle in your eyes before dropping to your knees and pulling his pants and underwear down in one swoop.

Bradley's cock sprang free and slapped against his abdomen. Now that you were eye level with it, you could see just how needy he was for you.

The ridged veins were prominent as all seven and a half inches of him stood at attention. His tip was flushed, an angry red with a pearl of precum beaded on the end.

Your tongue darted out of your mouth and wet your lips before it swiped along his slit. Bradley's knees buckled at the sensation.

You chuckle as you spit in your hand and wrapped it around him, pumping his cock, making him even harder.

"Baby—please—don't tease me." Bradley breathed out.

"Me? Tease you? Never." You winked at him as you stood up. "Go get on the bed, Love." You instructed him.

Bradley clambered up the bed and propped himself up on the pillows. You climbed on the edge and crawled towards him. The way you were leaning gave him a perfect view of your cleavage. You wasted no time running your tongue along the vein that ran the length of his cock, before spitting on the tip and letting it run down. You took him fully down your throat without warning, causing Bradley to buck his hips into your mouth.

You gagged and constricted your throat around him as you bobbed on his member before swallowing around him.

God, Bradley loved how your mouth felt on him. You knew exactly what to do to get him hurdling towards the edge.

He watched his length disappear into your mouth over and over again. He was enamored by the way he could see the outline of his cock in your cheek as you took him.

Saliva pooled at the corners of your mouth and dripped down on him. He had to give it to you. You made good on your promise to give him sloppy head, but every now and then, he would catch sight of the perfect way your top pushed your breast together.

The red fabric barely keeping them contained. If you worked him any harder, he was sure they would spill out.

Bradley uncurled his good hand from the sheets and threaded his fingers through your hair.

He pulled you off of him with a pop. You rested your chin on his thigh and covered the underside of his length with barely there kisses, you looked up at him and smiled before sitting up on your knees and wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

When you sat up, his suspension that you weren't wearing a bra was confirmed because he could see the stiff peaks of your nipples straining against the fabric of your shirt.

"See something you like?" You asked him as he continued to marvel at you.

"Have I ever told you that you have the most gorgeous tits?" He blurts out. "A time of two." You smirk at him.

"Well, I'm telling you again. They are absolutely fucking beautiful shit—I wish I could—fuck—" He trails off.

"You wish you could what, Lieutenant Commander?" You probe him, knowing that using his rank will get him going.

"I want to fuck your titties." Bradley practically growls.

You let out a breathy laugh. "Okay."

"Okay?" Bradley questions you. You don't answer him.

Instead, you make a show of reaching behind your back and pulling down the zipper of your top. You slide it down your arms and toss it to the side. You step off the bed to grab the bottle of lube you keep in your nightstand before returning to Bradley.

You open the cap and seductively drizzle some of the cool liquid over both of your breasts. You close the bottle and toss it to the side before taking both hands and palming the soft tissue.

Bradley groans as you tease your nippes and trace your hands along the Greek letters you have tattooed under your breast.

Once they are sticky and shiny, you push them together before sliding them over Bradley's dick.

He arches his back so hard that he nearly comes off the bed.

You repeat the motion over and over, rolling, pulling, and squeezing your breasts around his cock.

A string of filthy moans and praises leave Bradley's lips as he thrusts his hip upwards to meet your movements.

He can feel the telltale sensation in his lower belly that he's about to cum. He grunts put a warning, "Fuck, Angel, I'm close."

"Come for me, Love, get me all messy!" You encourage him as you continue to work him over.

You pump him once, twice, three times before a deep groan reverberates from Bradley's chest and hot cum sputters from his tip, coating your breast and face in thick, white ropes.

You lick what you can from your face, and Bradley praises you for being suck a good filthy girl for him.

You quickly rinse off in the shower before helping him take one.

Once you're both clean, you snuggle up in bed together. You're content as you lay there with your head on Bradley's chest, drawing lazy shapes on his skin.

"Angel, can I ask you something?" Bradley breaks the silence.

"Hmm?" You hum back.

"Do you ever think about getting married?" Bradley feels you tense up in his arms.

You slip out of his grasp and sit up beside him.

"Married in general or married to you?" You ask him.

"Us getting married. I know we've only been together six months, but I've been thinking about it a lot." Bradley confesses.

"I've thought about it too. You, me, us in a house on the beach with a few kids running around. It's a beautiful thought. But—it's a pipe dream." You tell him. Bradley visibly deflates.

"What do you mean?" He's confused.

"Gods can't marry mortals. They can love them, have children with them, but not marry them." You say.

"Wh—why not? I don't understand." Bradley tells you.

"Marriage binds your souls together for eternity. That's how couples find each other in the Underworld. It's where the whole concept of soulmates comes from. Gods have immortal souls, and an immortal soul can't be bound to a mortal soul. We have different definitions for eternity. I'd marry you in a heartbeat if I could, Bradley." You admit with a tear in your eye.

"But—what about Hercules? He was a God and married a mortal." Bradley says.

"My nephew was a Demi-God. The best of both worlds. When Demi-Gods turn twenty-one, they can decide if they want to become immortal or human. He chose to be human for love." You explain to him.

You can see the hurt on Bradley's face.

"Bradley, Love, I may not be able to marry you, but I will love you for as long as you'll let me. We can live together, I can give you children if you want, I can manipulate my age so we can grow old together. And when we are old and grey, and you take your last breath, I can—well—I can make sure it's my last one, too. I can live a life with. I just can't be your wife." You let out a long sigh and search Bradley's eyes.

You can tell he is disappointed, but at the same time, you see the love he has for you. It hurts him that he can't make you his wife, but it doesn't mean he loves you any less.

"When it comes down to it, marriage is just a piece of paper, isn't it? As long as we love each other, the label doesn't matter. We can call it what we want." Bradley smiles as he pulls you closer to him.

You can feel the warm and love radiating off of him. It may not be perfect, but you wish you could stay in this moment with Bradley.

Because for the first time in your life, in this here and now with Bradley, you're enough.

It feels good to be enough

Taglist: @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @mayhemmanaged @wkndwlff @roosterforme @daggerspare-standingby @dakotakazansky @startrekfangirl2233 @hecate-steps-on-me @cassiemitchell @na-ta-sh-aa @katieshook02 @desert-fern @je-suis-prest-rachel @soulmates8 @diorrfairy @eli2447 @xoxabs88xox @djs8891 @roosters-girl @sebsxphia @rosiahills22 @dempy @callsign-magnolia @alchemxx @gretagerwigsmuse @withahappyrefrain @lt-spork @multifandomlover4life @beccaanne814 @bradshawsbaby @seitmai @kmc1989 @bcarolinablr @roosterisdaddy36 @itsdesiree86 @waywardhunter95 @hisredheadedgoddess28 @whatislovevavy @asshlyyyy @inkandarsenic @tomanybandstolove @jiminie-08 @dingochef @laracrofted @skipchat @sunlightmurdock

[utilitycaster]

The answers Marisha gave in this 4SD felt a lot more realized than in the past, which is good! But it still makes me feel like this character concept is incredibly ambitious and when juxtaposed with the various "I don't want to think anymore"/"go with the flow" statements I'm not sure she realized that.

The biggest example is that Laudna has two conflicting traits: she is extremely sensitive to betrayal, and she is very quick to trust even after experiencing a number of betrayals in her life. And when I say "conflicting" I mean that they are in conflict with each other, not that it doesn't make sense for a character to be a complicated person with traits that frequently work against them; in fact that's in my opinion a fantastic way to create a compelling character. But it feels like the why is only just starting to get explored in any capacity, and because of that even good choices raise more questions: why is this only coming out now; why so young a regression; why has it peeked out so weirdly and inconsistently in the past; why haven't the repeated betrayals in the past two months affected her mindset and made her more closed off. It once again makes me really wish we'd gotten a sustained outburst after the party reunited, because that would have made far more sense - a fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me situation.

I agree with the opinion that Laudna conceptually just fits far more with being an actual child herself - her desire to befriend children frankly comes off slightly weirder (not line-crossing or anything, just a little off) than it would had she died younger, as does her approach of dolls, and her failure to do anything with Delilah would make a lot more sense if she was at an age to be much more reliant. It would also make her inability to just blend into a city much more reasonable; no one is going to rent to a lone 11 year old. It really does feel that when the creepy child idea was rejected - which is a valid choice - it wasn't reworked sufficiently to fit someone who died in her late teens or early 20s.

I also don't really get the idea of her childlike nature being without malice. A pretty consistent theme for the various traumatic childhoods the characters of Bells Hells (and, tbh, past parties as well) has been the cruelty children are capable of - Ashton even says it in 3x78. Delilah being stuck with someone without malice would honestly lead to a situation in which Laudna was very trusting of her, which isn't the case, which again goes back to the conflict of betrayal as a trigger vs. being so quick to trust. Given that Laudna was frequently bullied and rejected as a kid, one would think she'd be aware of this. The specific example of Delilah calling Ashton a child and Laudna making him a doll still works wonderfully, but the overarching theme falls apart in places.

I think things have been on an upswing as of late, but ultimately we're at a point where, without some retcons I don't think Laudna will ever truly make complete sense because it's just such an intensive concept that did not get the work that required, and still feels reliant on a now-rejected premise.

[anarchictemptation]

So, I've had a bit of an emotional journey when it came down to getting these trolls uploaded and, uh.I'm sort of in a venty mode, so I'm doing a read more cut just so I don't bother people (TW for Drug Abuse and Suicidal Thoughts mentioned)

It became less of "lol, look at all these trolls I've had over the years, let's sell them" to a bit of a crippling "I did this to cope with what was happening to me and this is the financial repercussions of that"

When I joined the Homestuck fandom, I was 16. A long ago ex-friend had gotten me into it because he was an obsessive fan and I REALLY liked astrology at the time, so obviously what was gonna stop me from getting into this silly little webcomic? (Nepeta my BELOVED! Leo's for life!!!)

I've never really shared this with anyone outside of my CLOSEST of close friends, but I was in a really nasty situation. My parents were on drugs, deeply into it at the time of me joining Homestuck, and were basically nonexistent at that point of my life. They'd disappear for days at a time with no sign of them coming back anytime soon, so, while looking after my little brother, I'd get lost in this fandom and obtaining fantrolls was my own sick little kick

I wasn't creative at the time to really make my own, I'd just use sprite bases and all my own guys were basic as hell, but, when I found out troll adopts were a thing, I was OBSESSED

Some oldies might remember me being EVERYWHERE back in the day on DA under the unusualKitten alias. I was on every single page I could find trying to get at least ONE fantroll that someone had posted newly in the groups. It was amazing! I could drown myself in these guys I was getting and bury myself in art of them so that I could avoid the world that I was stuck in

Honestly, without that "distraction", I probably would've killed myself years ago

It was all I had in a shit world, it even led me making a short-time friend in my final year of high school, but it was fun

And then I grew up

Some things happened that involved me being the fucking savior of my family by dragging them out of that hell with my own two broken hands only for the sake of my brother. My mom got clean, my dad died because he couldn't get clean, I had been working a job in which case they'd have stolen my money almost every time I got it (like THAT was anything new), and we were just sort of stuck in limbo for a long time after that

I was still a part of Homestuck, but I wasn't A part of it anymore, if that makes any sense. Most I done was win a spot in the For Fans By Fans design contest with my Heir's Tears submission (Only 1 or 2 people bought the shirt and, two those people, I FUCKING LOVE YOUUUU, y'all are so cool), but I was pretty much dead in the water

Until I reconnected with my bestest friend

She helped me to regain the love again, as we'd rp a lot with all our different versions of canon characters bc we're maniacs (Which will ALL be featured in MSCOTT once I get back on the ball for writing it!)

And, as I sit here today, looking back on everything that happened 11 years ago, I've realized that things are a lot different now. I'm no longer the heavily traumatized kid I was back then, I have a life outside of the fantrolls I've hoarded over the years

And, yeah, it hurts seeing a lot of these guys go, it feels like a bit of myself is leaving with them, but that's not a part of my life anymore, that was a part of HER life

Don't get me wrong, I STILL love fantrolls and still have a handful of my own that I'll fight ANYONE over, but. I think it's time to let go of a past that I don't really want to be haunted by anymore

(But I hope this explains why I generate a LOT of fantrolls and then suddenly they're being given up as soon as something's done with them, hha, old habits die hard)

Thanks for readingggg, time to go cry a bittt!

[titles-and-pretense]

I lost my boy yesterday. Suddenly and without warning. There was nothing we could've done. It was quick, but painful.

From one moment to the next, my life and the one of my partner has gotten a lot darker. A lot lonelier. Sam was the cuddliest, friendliest, silliest cat in the world. We'd had him since he was 3 months old. He turned 11 this May.

There is no describing the pain in my heart. We watched his eyes dim. We watched him fall asleep. We stayed with his body for over an hour. When they carried him away, they ripped out a part of me and carried it along.

His sister sniffed the carrier when we came home. Our sweaters, too. We hugged him and petted him a lot, even after he'd... gone. So I'm sure she knows. She'll grieve too. All we can do is be there for each other, but it seems woefully inadequate.

My brain keeps trying to bargain its way out of the situation. Maybe if I buy his favourite snacks, he'll turn up and greet me at the door as usual.

Then I burst into tears again.

There is no pain like loss. And he's no longer there to lay on my stomach and purr away my pain, as he's often done.

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Death In Paradise And How The Show or Shows Have Unknowingly Made Beautiful Autism Representation An Eassay By An Autistic Person

Introduction

I never get this personal or sappe but hi I'm Mel and just recently I got my Autism diagnosis. Recently I've been trying to discover who I am and what parts were just lies after realising i have been making and trying to imitate and please people my entire life.

I started watching Death In Paradise at the end of Season 10 my Mum had it on the tv and I thought it was interesting so I started watching. I then watched the first Christmas special and fell in love even more before giving season 11 a watch. Really loved all the characters and especially loved the characters, the visuals and the mystery aspect. Infact it made murder mysteries/who dunnits become one of my special interests. Started watching Beyond Paradise and some of the earlier seasons with Richard Poole.

Two things have made me realise why I probably love Death In Paradise since I have gotten my Autism diagnosis.

1: I was discussing the series finale with a fan who has sadly but understandably deleted their twitter account about how all the DI'S especially Neville when he was flashing back to the scene he was arrested found myself relatable as I replay my memories like that.

2: Martha's breakup monologue as heartbreaking as it was to Humphrey because she's absolutely out of line since they could adopt but her gut reaction is absolutely right. She has treated Humphrey appallingly not communicating with him about his feelings till that moment and not being honest with Humphrey resulting in him being dishonest in return. I am a people pleaser and will often think about others happiness before my own and Humphrey impulsively agreeing to move to Shipton Abbott is a good example as he really struggled setting in. Martha is right Humphrey is awkwardly nice to everyone even the police commissioner who I would have no patience with.

Now I realise that I am invested in these shows not just for the mysteries and the who dunnit element but to see Autistic people like me have human struggles in a very stressful job.

Even though I'm on a very different career path to all the DI'S as an Autistic person I think all the DI's are Autistic and show their own unique struggles. This is why I fell in love with the character of the Doctor to. If the DI'S aren't cannon Autistic they're definitely Autistic coded and it's my headcannon and I'm over riding the bbc on this one because when we see the way Autism is represented on screen within other white male characters I can see that Neville, Jack, Humphrey and Richard ain't no Rainman or Sheldon Cooper or Good Doctor which is why I feel so represented through these characters.

So with from what I've seen I would like to break down each DI that has been on the show and essentially justify why I have head cannoned all of the DI'S as Autistic.

1: DI Richard Poole

There are so many things that make me think he's Autistic I'm up to S2 Episode 7 of Death In Paradise as I'm wanting to catch up and as soon as this man came on screen I knew that there was no way in heck that Richard Poole is just neurodivergent grumpy english man as Camille would put it. One of the episodes I related to was Season 2 Episode 5 because if there's one thing I struggle with as an Autistic person its giving people the correct comfort they need.

Which links perfectly to my first point.

1: Richard And Emotion

Constantly throughout the first two seasons we see Richard struggle to communicate his emotions and hide how he's feeling. When sad things come up in s2 ep 5 and when he's asked to hold baby Rosie for the first time he struggles to display how he's truly feeling and how best to react. It shines especially when he asks Dwayne how he comforted Camille. I think Season 2 Episode 6 and Episode 5 was the first time we'd properly seen Richard sort of embrace the sand and open up emotionally.

2: Sensory Needs

Similar to Neville he makes it very clear that he does not enjoy the loud festivals on the island. He seems most comfortable up in his shack secluded reading a good book and chilling out.

He also seems to wear no summer clothes on the island as despite the heat he only seems comfortable with suits. Personally I struggle with being in bare t shirts and shorts so I can definitely relate to the fact. Richard seems definitely like one of those people who doesn't climatise for the summer and will not wear coats in the winter.

Overall an absolutely amazing relatable character.

2: DI Humphrey Goodman

I haven't gotten to S3 with Humphrey yet but I can also see relatable Autistic Representation in him. This is all based on from what I've seen in Beyond Paradise Humphrey wants to please and get on with everyone so he often hides his own emotions and puts others first. I can also see that he stims, forgets stuff if there's a change in routine and burnout hits him hard. I think he was partly burnout as the falling out with Martha must have been quite exhausting.

Masking is a huge thing with Humphrey so in my head cannon I think people including Humphrey have dismissed him being Autistic as just him being quirky. In my opinion the beyond paradise finale and episode five showed just how much Humphrey represses his emotions and then when it comes to burst it's bad.

1: Masking and Socializing

Humphrey throughout the beyond paradise series constantly tries to hide his uncomfortableness with Archie being around and his feelings about Martha stopping IVF. I know he came around and was sincere in the finale but I honestly think he wanted to pretend he felt ok with it so he wouldn't lose Martha.

Social wise he is also very awkward with people and struggles to communicate what he wants them to feel. Fights and conflicts seem to also exhaust Humphrey. Talking to Esther in Episode Five he admits he doesn't know how to feel about Martha not wanting kids and can't stop thinking about it. Infact he's so distracted by his fight with Martha that he can barely help Esther with the case. I'm often overwhelmed with socialising and go away to relax and think things through is definitely a coping mechanism I use.

2: Stiming And Info-Dumping

A form of stiming I picked up from Doctor Who was flapping my hands about when I'm talking and rambling. Humphrey out of all of the detective's seems to do this the most even when not talking about the solutions to a case.

He also is very passionate when talking about his special interests. I also think the way in the beyond paradise series he pictures the crime in his head and relives it whilst explaining it to Esther is very not neurotypical I view memories and emotions in my head like that sometimes.

Overall a very relatable character regarding his social skills and his need to people please.

3: DI Jack Mooney

This is going to be very short as I haven't seen much of Jack Mooney due to the fact I'm on S2 of my Death In Paradise rewatch but even the three episodes I watched whilst it was rerunning alongside Beyond Paradise I got very not neurotypical vibes from him.

The episode where he's rooming with Dwayne shows his struggle to interrupt other people's emotions, read social cues and understand the right moment to intrude on a conversation. It's absolutely hilarious when he just walks in on Darlene and Dwaynes date without considering that it's not an appropriate time. Not to mention when he interrupted Dwayne from his shower.

Through all three episodes I saw I can tell that he really struggles with grief so Florence is a good friend that he can consol. She helps him realise what stuff might make the shack feel more comfortable and friendly, like having a record player etc.

If any Autistic DIP fans want to reblog this and share their own thoughts about why they headcannon Jack as Autistic.

4: DI Neville Parker

Ah Neville Parker a character that I can definitely see myself in especially after season 12. Although I started watching from half of season 10 I still have enough reasoning to justify my headcannon. The way Neville organisises his meds and takes rejection from other people shows. Although you don't have to be Autistic to experience and anxiety Neville from what I've seen definitely overlaps with both.

Similar to Richard he seems to really struggle with the environment but at least have the sense to not where his blazer all the time and change into island built clothes off shift. Season 12 shows that Neville has adapted so well to the island that if he was put anywhere else like a prison cell its nerve racking and difficult for him. Not to mention from my own experience I've switched off when I'm sad or when something too difficult to process has happened and Neville does just that at the end of S12 through the Sophie or should I say Rebecca situation.

1: Lack Of Red Flags + Social Cues

Season 12 showed that because of Nevilles desire to have a relationship with someone and get over Florence he was unable to ignore the red flags about Sophie until he was in jail for her murder. Ok I'm pretty sure not all of the neurotypical Death In Paradise fans didn't fall for Sophies scheme but like Neville I truly felt no bad vibes from her until the very end. I haven't seen the red flags till to late and its costs me my mental health.

Neville seems to really struggle how to communicate his feelings as also seen by his crush on Florence.

2: Stimming + Special Interests

Throughout the show Neville is very rigid he fidgets and waves his arms about enthusiastically when he has found out who the killer is.

Throughout the show we can also see that Neville is a passionate reader and loves Star gazing. He was absolutely thrilled to info dump about the famous star gazer that has been unalived. We see he struggles with stuff outside of his limits and will glady lovingly share fun fact with his team.

3: Emotions/Shutdown

As mentioned Neville tends to become quiet when he's upset and shutdown. We can see throughout the case in episode 8 he's not entirely there till he confronts Sophie for the final time.

Neville insanely loses his enthusiasm and energy after he's arrested. If you look back he does not instigate any of the conversations whilst he's in the cell unless it's Sophie. Most people would react screaming and yelling when arrested but Neville is just too shocked to move. As an Autistic person I've had a shutdown only once but I definitely relate that if I was arrested I would just be frozen in panic not wanting to upset anyone.

Being quiet seems to be one of Nevilles best coping skills when something immensely stressful has happened.

Again when he had that freeze frame recalling when he was arrested and who could have switched the keys it seemed very relatable and not neurotypical. Not to mention a lot of Autistic people have a high sense of justice which could explain Neds fearless anger and frustration at the end of Ep 7.

Conclusion

I think even if coded having Autistic representation that's not cis white man super intelligent with no struggles is impactful its also why I want a black or biracial DI on the show as it would be even more impactful.

Honestly all the DIS being Autistic or on the neurodiverse spectrum as a whole adds to alot of the fish out of water element of the show.

I highly encourage reblogs as i assume I'm not the only autistic or neurodivergent fan of the show.

-Melody-

They/Them