#and we will never get to the good convos as long as we are focused on critics who wouldn't like her even if she was Exactly Estinien 2.0

[tritoch]

Something that bugs me a lot in Dawntrail discourse is watching people who think they are defending the expansion argue away its best aspect. Because here's the thing: Wuk Lamat isn't like prior FFXIV characters. She takes up way more space than them. That's good!

A common thread you see in defenses is that people are complaining about things they were fine with earlier in the story. "Oh well actually Lyse was also the main character of Stormblood and people didn't hate her as much!" or "Heavensward is the story of Aymeric and Estinien and Ysayle, and the Warrior of Light doesn't do that much!" or "No one complained when Gaia jumped into the Eden raids, or when Emet showed up during Seat of Sacrifice" with the implied conclusion of "Wuk Lamat's not different from any other previous major character, your complaints have more to do with [sexism/transphobia/your crippling insecurity about not being the main character] than the way she's written." First of all people did hate Lyse. I get what you are saying but they very much did hate Lyse.

But Wuk Lamat is different. She's different because Dawntrail is unapologetically, full-throatedly her story. She is there at the start, she is there at the end, she is there basically all the way through except for a brief interlude. She is the character you talk to the most, she is also the character that talks the most. She has more of a complete arc than anyone else in the expansion. The antagonists develop much stronger direct and personal relationships to her than they ever do with you. Several major characters have relationships to you through her more than they do with you directly. At multiple points in the story you explicitly step back and are like "Go right ahead, queen, do the main character stuff." She 100% takes your role in certain ways. She's literally a new WL to your WoL!

and that's awesome! Like, holy shit! If you had traveled back in time and told me after Endwalker, "Hey, the next expansion will be almost solely and entirely focused on the character journey of a young woman, and she'll be nuanced and complex and allowed to fail but also allowed to succeed wildly, and her characterization will be interesting and her ideals will be very directly challenged, and she'll get to do some real classic 'sorry my noble opponent but I must stop you, even though I sympathize' shit, and the way she is framed won't feel excessively male-gazey, and she won't get stuck in the FFXII Ashe Miniskirt, and she won't just be someone you watch and clap for while the real protagonist and narrator is some random guy in her entourage," I would've been like "haha, okay, I like FFXIV as much as the next guy but I don't think it's shaken its baseline sexism off enough to do an expansion entirely about a woman and her personal growth and what makes her a good leader, especially after Stormblood's mixed reception. And CBU3 definitely doesn't have the guts to make her even more of a main character than any other prior NPC, and you didn't mention this part future time traveler, but I also don't believe they'll be willing to cast a trans woman in the role." And I would have been fucking wrong!

Yes, Wuk Lamat is the main character. Yes, she does get more attention than other NPCs, or even your Warrior of Light. And yes, that's totally fine, and even something to praise!!! You don't have to run from it to accommodate people who are looking for something to complain about!

[dangaer]

shi.n's amnesia later route is such an out of character experience bc wdym someone this cute shows me all the love they have for me and i dont healthily communicate with him that im feeling overwhelmed by it.

[c-t-r-l14]

And the Crowd is….Slighlty Confused!?

Ya’ll remember when Kendrick Lamar said, “I remember when you was conflicted”?

That’s me right now, ya’ll. I’m conflicted.

I’m conflicted as hell.

For the first time in six months, Alex and Gremlin sat down and had a proper conversation about the break up, how they’ve been feeling, and what they’ve been doing since then. And honestly, I couldn’t be more prouder of both of them. They were certainly tackling this subject with maturity—an aspect that they both begged of each other, but clearly lacked the last time they spoke. It was really nice to see them sit down and be amicable to one another, and honestly, my heart couldn’t help but soften by the way they interacted with each other. It reminded me of the good ol’ days. The peaceful times before everything went to shit.

On one hand, I really want them to have a happy ending. In the audio, you can just feel the mutual pining between those two; the way they both have been stalking each other socials, the way they’ve been thinking about each other non-stop, the way they find remnants of each other and the happy times they had in ordinary mundane things—the way you can tell how much they’ve missed each other. Like—I truly, truly felt the love. This was the conversation they should’ve had from the very beginning, and it pisses me off that they didn’t really talk things out after the first initial argument in part four. At the end of the day, all Gremlin wanted was reassurance, even though they went about it the wrong way. I think one of the best things about this audio was the fact that Alex gave them a lot of grace. He recognizes that Gremlin’s trust issues went deeper than they thought, and even realized that what they did that night was a lapse in judgement on their part. He took the time to understand their mindset when they made those accusations—how it’s hard to see anything differently when you’ve had your mind set on something, or—how sometimes when life is a little bit too good, you start to get suspicious—and start to find a reason why it could be an illusion. But, I think one of the biggest things about this audio was how he acknowledged how irrelevant he made listener feel. He reflected on his behavior during the campaign shoot he was doing with Natalie—and how he was fully focused on his work because he wanted to impress the higher ups—and it was because of that, he started to neglect listener. He started answering his texts less, he was spending more of his time at the studio, and by the time he got home, he was exhausted—so its not like they could’ve done much with each other, anyway. That neglect, plus him spending time with another woman—it made Gremlin spiral, and drudged up old memories and fears that they thought they’d put to bed. And Alex, after all this time—finally acknowledged that he was partly to blame for that spiral, and realized that he should’ve been more attentive to the person he loves.

Another thing I really love about this video is that we finally get a reason why he acted so strangely during the break up. Alex and Gremlin never really spoke about the cheating accusations after it happened, and like I said in my last rant—it’s very possible that it had been on his mind for a long time, but he just never told them how bad it truly made him feel until the break up convo happened—which caused his feelings to get the better of him. And, he acknowledged that because of this, it made him say some things that he really shouldn’t have said. Now, as a person who’s literally known for her hatred of Alex, I’m gonna give credit where credit’s due. I am very proud of Alex’s character development. I’m proud he reflected on all of the events that took place and the part he played, and unlike the last audio—he doesn’t make excuses this time around. He acknowledges the break up could’ve been handled better, and takes some accountability for his role in it. But that’s the thing—he only takes some accountability for his part, and it’s because of that I’m conflicted as hell.

Throughout this entire closure convo, it seems like Alex was kind of vague about the things he said during the breakup. He never once acknowledged the excuses he made, the gaslighting he did, or his hypocrisy during that entire conversation. And those three things were the biggest reasons why a lot of people do not like him. Like yes, he acknowledges that his emotions got the better of him and made him say ‘things he shouldn’t have’, but the main thing he did acknowledge was the offhand comment he made about Gremlin not being the “right person” for this relationship. On top of that, he made sure to go into great detail on the way Gremlin confronted him about the cheating allegations. Now, don’t get me wrong—Alex is fully within his right to tell Gremlin how they made him feel. At the end of the day, they had no right to violate his privacy or yell at them with accusations they made up based off flimsy ass evidence and their own paranoid theories—and I can understand why Alex was hurt by that. However, he never really went into depth about the things he said during the break up convo,either. He puts the gaslighting, excuse making, and hypocrisy under the umbrella term of ‘things he shouldn’t have said to them’, and that was something I really did not like. Because, one of the biggest reasons why Gremlin fully believed that the break up was all their fault was because Alex made it seem that way. He dodged the solutions Gremlin tried to give him with excuses, he demanded transparency from them and couldn’t even be bothered to do the same thing back, and used such roundabout language that made it seem like they were the only problem—despite his lack of effort and accountability. He doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that he tried to twist their anger for being the last to know about his job offer in a way that made them look like that they were mad that he got a job offer at all. And speaking of that job offer…WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU ‘NEVER TOLD THEM YES?’ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE ‘ONLY THINKING ABOUT IT,’ AND ‘WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT TO THE PEOPLE WHO MATTERED TO YOU FIRST?’ In the break up audio, he made it seem like he was actually going to take the job. Him taking the job was one of the biggest reasons why he broke up with Gremlin in the first place—because he was so sure that they couldn’t handle long distance! If he wasn’t sure about taking the job the day he broke up with them—then what was the point of the break up in the first place?? Why didn’t he at least take the time to make a decision about the job offer first, and then see what he could do about his relationship afterword?? Like—if he wasn’t 100% sure that he wasn’t going to go to States—why did he break up with them? That was the part that never made sense to me. I guess you could say that his emotions had gotten the better of him in that moment and he impulsively decided to break things off…but just knowing that he never had a definitive answer during the time they broke up makes the break up seem more stupid than it already was. I was so sure that he was going to go to New York that I didn’t even think that we were even going to get an audio where Alex tells Gremlin that he still loves them, simply because—number one—I thought he his decision to move was set in stone, and number two—he acted like he wanted nothing to do with them!

I just don’t know ya’ll, I’m hella conflicted. You can see how much he’s grown—at least in some ways. He’s finally starting to recognize his faults, and acknowledge the things he could’ve done better. I think my favorite thing about this audio was the fact that he didn’t let Gremlin take all the blame, and he even tried to give this relationship a fighting chance. However, his immaturity still lurks in the background. Because while yes, he does acknowledge some of his faults, he doesn’t seem to recognize all of them.

A part of me is still bitter toward him—and pissed as hell that they could’ve had this conversation the whole time if they just took the time to open their mouths and communicate. But, another part of me—a slightly bigger part—can’t help but forgive him. And that might be a shock to ya’ll—since I’m probably known as that ‘One girl who despises Alex so much that she makes unhinged rants about how much she hates him.’ But I think if he truly wanted to change, and is taking the initiative to do so, who am I to be mad at him? I think its a step in the right direction—and I’d like to think it’d be nice for him prove that he’s not the punk ass, bum ass, photographer bitch boy that we think is. Because, one of the biggest things I hated about him was the lack of initiative, because despite telling Gremlin how much he loves them, and how they make him happy during the break up convo—he never once lifted a finger to make things work.

But, I don’t see that now. If he wants to make things work, then—I mean—why not? Their love is just as clear as their red flags. And maybe a lot of ya’ll may think I’m a punk for thinking this way, but as much as I get up on here and talk shit, I’ve always secretly hoped that they’d get a happy ending together—one where they both worked things out. And they finally have a chance to do that now, both of them—in therapy.

Although I don’t think that’s gonna happen—because the crumpets are not having it.

Oh well. What’s important is that Gremlin got closure, and (hopefully) knows they’re not fully at fault for what happened, and Alex apologized—and to me, that’s all that matters.

Masterlist

[dceasesd]

Do you pirate comics? And if you do please gimme your piracy site mine isn't working😞

And could you give me asshole Bruce and Jason fic recs but specifically "I'm a selfish controlling man child and I love my family and will go to hell and back for them and will do anything to keep them safe" Bruce not "I'm an unfeeling man child who only cares for his narrow views of justice"Bruce

If you don't have any fics like this specifically I would gladly take any Bruce and Jason fics that doesn't bash either of the characters or their idles

i gotcha man i gotcha

i personally pirate all my comics on readcomiconline.li, which i find by typing the title of the comic and issue im looking for followed by ‘read’. usually it’s the first option!! it might depend on what country you’re in, though— i’m in the u.s. and it works for me but i’ve heard of people from other places having trouble with it :P

(also, be warned, readcomiconline.li has so. many. pop-ups. use at your own risk)

and oh my god i have so many thank u so much for asking i love giving recs so much (under the cut!!!!)

alrighty bruce and jay fics pls enjoy!!!

Clearly Calm and Keeping Terrorized by Batbirdies

this is one of my favorite fics of all time it’s so good!! it’s literally exactly what you’re looking for. i’d recommend reading the entire series for full affect, but a very basic summary of the plot is bruce goes to therapy and tries to unruin his familial relationships :-) this fic focuses on his attempts w jason. so great!

This Place we Built with Grace and Guilt by Cerusee

yeeowch this one hurts!! another one of my favorite authors, definitely also check out the rest of cerusee’s works, they’re great!! if i had to describe this fic in one word it would be GUILT

The Penny Drops, The Penny Dreads by Batbirdies

omg second batbirdies fic on this list they just get bruce and jay like no one else what can i say!!! this is the only wip on this list but it is very good and i can’t wait for more!! jason and bruce trying to figure out how to have a relationship w their contrasting class backgrounds

The Distance Between Us by AutumnHobbit

this is the one i instantly thought of when i saw ur ask— autumnhobbit is so good! bruce is traumatized and trying his best and that’s what matters

the city carries ruin in its hearts by nex_et_nox

outsider pov of bruce and jason’s relationship!! an interesting perspective, jim gordon is a surprisingly fun character to read!!

borderline by TheResurrectionist

this isn’t specifically jason and bruce and more bruce and everyone in the family, but there is some good jason&bruce dynamic. control freak bruce tries to stop being a control freak

Come Alive by captainozone

this is a young justice fic so if you haven’t seen the show you might be a tiny bit confused, but it’s essentially just a ‘jason comes home’ fic!! one of my all time favorites!

THIS ISN’T PUNISHMENT (I LOVE YOU.) by orphenusaki

orphenusaki i love you all your fics are amazing pls never stop writing!! this author is so great so id recommend checking out their other stuff as well, but this one features a long-needed convo between bruce and jason prompted by truth serum.

hope you like these!!!! thanks again for the ask <333 happy reading!!!!

[supercalime]

Hey! Because of the interviews we know Buck and Tommy are going to have some hurdles next episode which is going to cause Buck to spiral. Do you have any theories of what it might be?

Hi dear anon!

First of all I’m flattered to get questions like this on my blog. I love that other fans are interested in knowing my opinion, it makes me feel seen!

Now onto your question, tbh I don’t have any original thoughts haha. I’m reading a lot of what others are speculating and marinating it a bit until I can commit to it lol.

I’m absolutely terrible at predicting and speculating for the shows I watch. Which to be fair is fun in a way as i always end up being surprised when I get to see the episode.

All that being said, I have a few favorite theories that others have shared. I unfortunately can’t track them back down, just know that these should be credited to their original posters:

- it’s Tommy’s birthday and he doesn’t tell buck, so Buck wants to do something big with Tommy’s coworkers and tommy shuts that down, so Buck feels bad. In the end we see that tommy didn’t want a party because his coworkers aren’t a family like the 118. Then the 118 basically adopts tommy

- tommy says something about rejecting the idea of marriage (maybe his parents should’ve divorced but didn’t) and buck is taken aback since he kinda dreamed about the whole 2 kids and a dog thing. Of course it’s a misunderstanding and then tommy tells Buck that he did reject the idea of marriage, until Buck entered his life

- buck and tommy run into an ex of Tommy’s, whom tommy is still good friends with. Buck feels weird that they are still friends as he never had that with his exes (except a bit with Taylor but still). During his convo with Maddie and Josh, Josh tells him that most queer people are friends with their exes and that doesn’t mean they still have feelings, it’s more about keeping the community

- tommy had an ex who died (maybe while in the army, and they were a secret because of DADT). Buck feels inadequate as he keeps comparing himself to a war hero. That’s why he talks to Bobby, Eddie and Maddie, because all of them lost their spouses so they give advice

- Tommy finds out his dad died, he doesn’t want to go to the funeral, yet buck keeps trying to convince him to go because he thinks if tommy tries to forgive his dad he could move on, but tommy maybe lashes out saying he doesn’t want to forgive his dad and buck shouldn’t try to “fix” him. Later of course everything gets resolved and we see buck being less focusing on fixing on what he can’t control and tommy with his walls down

Final point! I promise! Hehe

I may be in the minority here (and I’d love to be wrong), but I don’t think we will get an ILY or a proposal for moving in together yet. Not because I feel like it’s too soon or anything, but because storytelling wise, it would be more meaningful if such milestones happened after a big thing, like maybe tommy gets hurt and after he wakes up in the hospital with a worried buck (and all the 118 there for him!) by his side, the I love you and/or moving in talk happens.

Anyway, this is way too long haha

Those are the ideas popping up in my head with the help of all the clever people in this fandom, what do you think?

[bitterduo]

STOP INFANTILIZING JAKE ENGLISH. STOP TREATING HIM LIKE HE IS FREE OF CONSEQUENCES.

Jake English is such an interesting character because the way he is written infuriates me (in a good way). I saw a particular text post saying basically that Jake English did nothing wrong and that Jane is an asshole for being upset at him. This is just… Wrong. I think a lot of people in general like to try and make Jake seem like he cannot do any wrong because he has neurodivergent traits and is heavily implied to be neurodivergent. This is not to say Jake was entirely in the wrong in some situations, but neither were his friends when they became upset at him. Because, guess what Tumblr, they are teenagers and teenagers are flawed as fuck.

The main thing I would like to talk about is the pages where Jane yells at Jake (starts at page 5521).

While obviously Jane’s passive aggressiveness did not help the situation whatsoever, she was very clearly upset at the fact that one of her only friends forgot about her birthday. After he realizes he forgot, he starts making up excuses. Obviously his forgetfulness is not his fault but I feel like Jane’s slight is definitely not unjustified.

Not to mention he doesn’t even say “happy birthday” to her once during the conversation and instead makes stupid quips and proceeds to dump his relationship problems onto her. Before then though, he goes on a huge ramble to try and avoid his problems (aka what he was initially going to talk about with Jane).

During his conversation with Jane where he should be moving on as he’s decided to, it’s obviously complete filler of a conversation where he repeated over and over how Jane is 16. He’s only talked to her about his issues for so long it’s obvious that he doesn’t know how to initiate in a normal conversation with her anymore. When she finally gives him the go ahead to say it (likely because she was tired of a nonsense filler conversation) he all too eagerly tells it as if he was just biding his time for when she’d let him speak. It’s an asshole move really.

Obviously communicating with your friends and being there for them when they are struggling is good, but whenever Jake seems to talk to Jane, it is only really about his problems. Not to mention, he never talks to the person he’s having issues with (majority of the time Dirk) and instead ghosts them for weeks on end.

Not to mention he’s the one to push her into the conversation.

If you actually read the conversation you will also notice that her messages become more sparse and short while Jake’s get longer while he rambles.

When Jake says “laying low” he means ignoring and avoiding Dirk’s attempts to actually try and talk. Not to mention he also insults Dirk by saying he is “needy” and that essentially saying he is tired of Dirk’s company.

And here we fucking are folks, the bread and fucking butter of this whole convo, the shit and jam. Saying that Dirk is annoying and that his “paranoid prophecy” (you know, the one about all of his friends hating him?) is going to come true, aka saying that he does hate Dirk and no longer even wants to interact with him. And guess what? Jake is not even trying to communicate with Dirk on the matter and is instead dumping all this shit ON THEIR FRIEND.

Anyways, let’s skip to when Jane starts getting upset.

In this scene, Jake is practically ignoring her until she basically begins screaming at him. Not to mention the two last messages from Jake are extremely dismissive and so incredibly un-self aware.

Again with his strange quips and being weirdly self deprecating and pity-ing towards himself.

You can very clearly tell she’s upset, reclaiming something she let be their thing but changing it to just hers. Instead of doing the rational thing which would be to apologize, continue this at a later date or ask what you can do to make it up, he focuses on the semantics of the phrase, trying to come up with a new one. This is very obvious that he’s avoiding the topic because he’s uncomfortable with the thought of facing these issues.

After that, on page 5528, she TELLS him the issue and proceeds to keep doing the thing that’s making her UPSET.

She then freaks out again and then Jake finally tries to do something smart by insisting that they talk about it tomorrow (something JANE insisted on EARLIER) and then when she gets more upset and Jake proceeds to basically Jane not to be upset (“Aw come on jane. be a sport.”)

TLDR; stop woobifying Jake English and acknowledge the fact that he also fucks up, just like his friends.

[alby-rei]

Growing Pains: Hand-Washing Clothes (IkeVamp; Sebastian & MC)

Prompt: Write a story all in dialogue, must include characters washing clothes. Characters: MC/You, Sebastian Word count: ~350 words Tags: Pre-relationship, Humor, MC is new to the housekeeper life a/n: Wrote this a while back as a warm up. When I saw this prompt, Sebastian came to mind instantly. I imagine they would've had this convo early on in MC's "recruitment". Figured I might as well show I'm still alive and writing! Consider this another entry in Memories of the Mansion. Back to Masterlist

~*~

“Why must Arthur always come back with blood stains on his collar?”

“If the blood makes you uncomfortable, I can do it instead.”

“It’s not so much the blood as it is the implication of what he’s doing.”

“Ah…yes. I can see how that would be unsettling.”

“When did you get used to washing blood of everyone’s clothes?”

“Hmm. Hold on, let me hang this to dry while I think…it didn’t long, maybe two weeks? I started working at the mansion after Sir Isaac joined, specifically because of his…side-effects to his vampirism. Blood wasn’t something that particularly bothered me, but it did take time to get used to the smell of Rouge in the kitchen.”

“I see… Aha! Finally got the spot to come out. Comte doesn’t pay me enough for this.”

“He pays you?”

“Good point. We should both demand a raise.”

“Speak for yourself, I’m perfectly content as I am.”

“That’s because you have access to all of his money as his butler.”

“As do you. You know he’ll never say no to any request you make. You may as well make good use of that.”

“If there’s anything I would ask for, it’s a proper washing machine…were those not invented yet?”

“If they were, we would have our own.”

“Ughhh. No dishwasher, no washing machine. Next thing you’ll tell me, the vacuum cleaner wasn’t invented yet!”

“…”

“…Sebastian, when was the vacuum cleaner invented?”

“For the last time, just because I’m from the 21st century, doesn’t make me a walking, talking Google search engine.”

“…Worth a shot.”

[Bonus scene]

“Now then, back to work. We’ll never get to washing the bed sheets if you’re this slow with the clothes.”

“There’s more?!”

“And then the linens, and then the—”

“And you’re telling me you did all of this by yourself before I came along?”

“Yes, as to be expected. I wouldn’t want our esteemed guests to be burdened by manual labor when they should be focusing on their work.”

“Most of them aren’t even employed! They just sit around and…actually what do they do all day?”

~*~

Back to Masterlist

[cloveroctobers]

RIO/OC/MICK — spring prompts 🦋

A/N: okay so I’m piggybacking off another idea that I still have in my drafts that was meant for the season of Valentine’s Day but…I lost all motivation to write during that time so here we are! Except I’m moving things further along, slightly this time in this piece and giving Mick a bit of a background so this is more mick focused.

Using this prompt list + numbers 21.) weekend trips + 29.) starting to heal & more prompts from [user: @corvase] 1. “how’s life?” “shut up we talked yesterday.” + 2. “you’re still on that?” “still on that..??? STILL ON THAT?????? I CANT STAND YOU???!!!(!;!” 3. “let me know now if this isn’t something you want to work through.”

S|N: Also featuring other characters from a few other shows that make a cameo here or are mentioned such as: BMF, The Have & The Have Nots, + The Cleaning Lady. + some slander on Beth, sorry!

Synopsis: Rio takes a weekend trip to the rural side to revisit a old friend who moved out of the country to further pursue her dream. What happens when Rio brings along open doors for the past?

︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶

Rio’s never been on this side of the town before (or rather this county) this was her showing him something new. He wasn’t much of a rural kind of person and he knew she wasn’t either but he was already aware that moving out of the country half of the year, influenced this new residence.

It was evident that she had company, with Rio finding two other parked cars beside her’s on the lengthy driveway. He hummed to himself, not thinking much of this as he made his way back to the front of the house, leaving him to think that the Tudor styled home could be featured in a “home alone” film. The man stood with his hands clasped in front him, lightly whistling as he silently surveyed the area around him.

The grass was still covered in frost but it was clear that spring would be arriving shortly, as the leaves on the hydrangeas bush caught his eye. His dark eyes drifted back to the front door which creaked open, revealing a smaller guy with caramel skin, curly hair, a tattoo on the side of his neck, and a blank stare.

He was confused as he pushed the question through his lips, “Can I help you?”

His tone was strong for someone who appeared so young. Something Rio was used to hearing himself way back when.

Rio dipped his head, getting a brief view of the brown almost golden entry way, “yeah, I’m sure you can. I’m a friend of Siobhán’s…she invited me for the weekend.”

The younger man’s eyes went into slits then, not liking the looks of Rio or his purpose of being alone with the mentioned woman, it probably had to do with the own tattoo on his neck and relaxed but sneaky demeanor, which Rio easily guessed his judgments. He could tell this kid was with the shits if needed and Rio didn’t need to take it there.

“That little red corvette yours? Or are you more of a Bentley kinda dude?” Rio tilted his head a bit, towards the back of the house where the vehicles sat, attempting to keep the convo light-hearted.

That’s when the shorter man sized Rio up menacingly, “who’s asking?”

Rio kept his hands clasped and let out a laugh, “I’m Rio man. I told you, I’m a friend of Siobhán’s.”

His lips curled at that, “Whatchu from Brazil or something?”

A smile broke out onto Rio’s lips at that, “Nah, I’m from here, Detroit. Born and raised. It’s just a name.”

That had that in common.

“Meech! Your cuz hooked us up with the good shit, so we don’t got to make this long ass trip back for leftovers.” A male voiced called out as he came up behind Meech.

This one was taller than “Meech,” possibly younger, brown skinned, sported a high-top, rocked some chains, he had more facial hair that sat above his lip and on his chin, and he was lanky compared in weight as he held onto two plastic bags.

He lifted his chin towards Rio, “Who the hell are they?”

Meech sighed as he leaned against the front door, “this dude says he’s a friend of Siobhán’s and he goes by Rio but he’s not from there…and I don’t know who the strawberry shortcake chick is beside ‘em.”

The lanky one was immediately suspicious as he shifted on his two feet, probably thinking about reaching for something. All he needed was the signal.

“I’m Mayor Elizabeth Boland,” Beth cleared her throat, holding her hand out for the two men to shake, “but you can call me Beth.”

“Look…” Meech started as he ignored her hand, “From what I gather, a dude like you who brings a snow bunny to my cousin’s door step ain’t no good news. So either you’re lying about what you’re really here for or you’re plotting and trying to get her involved in some shit—which she don’t need. So here’s my advice: don’t bother her with your bullshit or you’re gonna have to see me.”

Beth was lost for words at how quickly Meech was able to put that together. He was a complete stranger to her but once Rio heard his name, he put it together that this was Siobhán’s little cousin.

“That’s interesting because last I heard, Siobhán only sees you at family functions lately, which is strange since y’all used to be so close growing up…but now that you found new ways to make money too, you’re here at her house when she’s reaching the top of the fashion industry. That’s convenient huh?” Rio gave his perspective just as Meech read him and that angered the youngin quite quickly.

He was quick to grab at his belt making Beth inhale a sharp breath, “Ni—you don’t know me—

“Hey! What’s going on y’all?” Another voice boomed, making the lanky one nudge Meech as he sucked his teeth.

Meech let out a low laugh as he pointed at Rio in understanding. Before he turned sideways to reveal a bulky lighter skinned man, with a thick beard, oval eyes; muscular along with his arm tossed over Siobhán’s shoulders.

“Nothing,” Meech sent a gleaming smile at the pair, “Cuzzo, you got something at the door for you. He calls himself Rio and he brought a tag along that I’m sure you ain’t invite.”

The other man who held onto Siobhán glanced down at her, muttering something to her as she kept her eyes on Rio and Beth. She let out a soft sigh as she walked the rest of the length of the entry way, silently commanding that everyone watch her walk.

“How’s life?” Rio started, while Siobhán approached him.

The cocoa skinned woman with wide doll-like eyes immediately rolled them, “shut up, we talked yesterday.”

Which was true. She reached out to him on a Thursday afternoon to touch basis on when she would be expecting him the next day and she last saw him about a week ago for the first time in six months.

“Hi, Are you going to invite us in? It’s actually chilly out here so…” Beth let out a awkward laugh as Siobhán flicked her eyes back and forth between the two.

Siobhán bit her tongue as she let out a light laugh, her eyes saying just enough while meeting Rio’s eyes. His shoulders lifted innocently and before he could say anything else, Beth continued on.

“I’m guessing Rio didn’t inform you of my arrival…I can just go back to the hotel and let you two enjoy your time together.” Beth shifted the bag on her shoulder, ready to step back.

Siobhán hummed, “you’re here now so you might as well stay. It wouldn’t be very hospitable for me to kick you out right? so come in.”

Some more teeth sucking sounded but came from the man on the right. He didn’t agree with Siobhán’s method but he also didn’t know Beth Boland.

“Everyone this is Rio, a friend of mine.” Siobhán introduced him first before saying, “and his friend Beth.”

“Mayor Beth Boland.” The strawberry blonde boasted with pride.

“Yeah, we heard you the first time, Pippy longstocking.”

“Bryan!” Siobhán hissed, while Meech chuckled to himself.

That was a good one.

The lighter man scanned the room as he stepped forward to hold his hand out to shake the two stranger’s, “I’m Benny, nice to meet ya’ll. How’d you meet Siobhán?”

“Damn Benny, you staying for dinner to hear all that? Because Meech and I are about to slide.” Bryan told the older man who was keen on knowing this information.

Rio smiled, “Siobhán and I met at the park when I first brought my newborn son out in the next two counties over. It was my first day alone caring for him, while his mother had a self-care day and he wouldn’t stop crying until I rolled him out to the park. That should have been my first clue that boy loves the outdoors…anyways Siobhán was out there watching after some bad ass cousins.”

All eyes went to Meech who scoffed, “I know you’re not talking about me. Must of been Terry’s stupid ass.”

“Nah, it was you.” Bryan laughed.

It was actually all three of them but Siobhán didn’t want to burst their bubble.

“Shut up, B-Mickie.”

Beth added, “and we met through Rio…at a much later date when Rio’s son was able to run all over the place with a soccer ball. Just not through his son, however. Through much trickier terms?”

Siobhán didn’t miss the look Rio sent Beth’s way and wondered if that was a jab or not. Trouble in paradise? Who knows.

The raised brows she sent Rio was enough for him to realize that she was going to pry him later on that, for now they just had to get over this whole questionnaire.

“Trickier terms huh?” Benny crossed his arms, making Rio hum.

“Yeah man,” Rio stated, “we’re in business together.”

“You’re working with some mayor?” Bryan asked in disbelief before turning his attention back to Beth, “and what did you do before that?”

“I actually want to know that too since you’re giving me mini van mom vibes right now.” Meech asked, digging into his pocket to pull out a joint.

Rio snickered at that, making Beth carry on with a tight smile.

She redirected the conversation, “Well…How do you guys know Siobhán?”

“We’re family,” Meech stated the obvious.

Bryan huffed, “Friend of the family for practically my entire life.”

“And you?” Rio pried Benny who was staring at Siobhán who seemed much lighter than when he last saw her, not counting the week he saw her last.

“We’re also friends.” Benny stated but the smirk on his lips made Rio believe otherwise.

Beth perked up at that, figuring that tone also meant something as well, “oh, how lovely. For how long?”

“Damn she nosy,” Bryan coughed as he gave the signal to Meech, “let’s go.”

Meech removed the joint from his mouth to place behind his ear, “uh yeah not that this conversation is dry but it’s dry. Cuz, you seem comfortable with Rico suave and Mayor Beth so we’re gonna hit the road, we got some business to tend to.”

“Oh, okay. Let me walk you out.” Siobhán carefully spun in the entry way, leading the two boys away, she embraced them each at the door, lightly warning them to, “be good and to say hello to everybody else except cousin Charles.”

Meech snorted as he pulled away from embracing the girl, “you’re a trip, you know that?”

“I mean that.”

“I know you do.” Meech had his eyes burning on the back of Rio’s frame as he kept up the conversation with Beth and Benny, “if things get out of hand—

“They won’t.”

“You sure? I don’t know what they’re into but you don’t need to get wrapped up in their white collar shit. They’re gonna ruin your life when you’re already at the top and you don’t need nobody fucking with that.” Meech kept his voice low, however he wasn’t scared if anybody did hear this.

He already said his peace at the front door.

Siobhán smiled, “I appreciate you but there’s nothing to worry about. All I care about is mostly wedding attire…not the activities y’all like to get involved in.”

“So he is on that illegal shit too?” Bryan whispered-yelled at he got back in the conversation, “like what?”

“Dont worry about it,” Siobhán was firm, “I said I wanted you two to stay out of trouble.”

“Trouble can also lead to success tho, big cuz.” Meech winked while she scoffed, “let your friends know we may or may not be in touch soon.”

Siobhán gripped the twenty year old’s shoulders steering him away, “Bye Meech.”

“So you’re gonna kick your family out but not Bethany? I see how it is.” Meech joked before calling out, “Catch you later, Benny!”

Siobhán turned just in time to be engulfed by Benny himself, “I’m actually going to head out too unfortunately. I have a early morning at the shop tomorrow but I’ll be checking on you.”

“I know you will,” Siobhán gripped his forearms as he placed a kiss on her cheek before exiting.

She carefully watched as the men crossed the lawn towards the back/side of the house, climbing into their cars with a beep and wave as they pulled out of the driveway. Siobhán let out a soft sigh with a shut of the door before turning to the two guests awaiting her. Rio had a smirk on his lips that she ignored while she moved towards them.

“You two must be hungry, there’s plenty of food set up in the dining room.”

“You have a gorgeous house,” Beth trailed off as she followed after the host through a peach-painted sitting room, which contained some furniture, a piano and a huge sketch pad on a easel, “is this the room where you create your ideas?”

“Mainly yes. It’s one of the rooms that has the best lighting.” Siobhán informed as she took a seat at the table, followed by the two others.

Beth nodded, “I sense that. Do you mind giving us a tour later?”

“Theres not much to see, the house is dated and I plan on renovating it.”

“That’s a lot of work for one person.”

“I like keeping busy, I’m sure you know how that is.” Siobhán picks up a biscuit, drizzling honey onto it before taking a bite out of it with a mocking smile.

Rio cleared his throat, “regardless, I’m proud of you.”

“And I’m happy for you.” Beth told Siobhán as she reached for the tea pot.

Siobhán and Elizabeth weren’t the best of friends, in fact they didn’t have much of a relationship—which was fine by her. So Siobhán didn’t feel that statement was necessarily genuine. Mainly they were acquaintances that crossed paths because Beth, her sister, and their friend owed one of her best friends money and couldn’t cut ties with him. Elizabeth got a thrill out of this lifestyle and to learn that she was a mayor in the next two counties over was another power trip the housewife did not need.

Yet Rio still wanted her around.

Even when she put a bullet in him and she got one in return by someone Siobhán shared a personal relationship with.

However she knew when things needed to be let go of but she couldn’t say the same for her dear friend, Rio.

The doorbell chimed through the house making the thirty-two year old get to her feet. She figured it must have been one of the boys who forgot something. Which she kicked herself for as she yanked open the door to see Mick and a long haired Annie standing at her front door.

Together.

Again.

What the hell is going on?

“Hey,” Mick rasped, “…I take it you weren’t aware we were coming.”

“What? Don’t be ridiculous! I’m sure Beth let Siobhán know. You know my sister, always planning.” Annie said as she quickly held out a bottle, “We brought Prosecco. Mick said it was one of your favorites.”

Siobhán took a large inhale and exhaled as a small smile appeared on her lips. She held out her hand for the bottle, “thank you. Why don’t you guys come in? we’re having a bite to eat in the dinning room through the left there, next to the staircase.”

Annie stepped in first as she spun around looking at the interior, “sick house! It’s almost like the inside of the titanic with the grand staircase! Perks of being a well-known fashion designer, am I right?” She clicked her tongue, sending finger guns Siobhán’s way before carrying on into the easier way to get to the dining room, loudly greeting the other two in there.

Shutting the door behind them, Siobhán paused at the door, realizing that Mick lingered back, not analyzing the inside of the house much.

“I wanted to talk more at the reunion but there was a lot going on that night. I didn’t want to press you.” His hands were in his pockets but his eyes stayed trained on the woman in front of him.

Siobhán remembered all the emotions she was feeling when she saw Mick enter the hall with Annie on his arm. It wasn’t her place to question what was going on there or when Annie got out of jail but it did send her mind wondering! There was plenty of time for Siobhán and Mick to hash out their old business…once she found out that Mick’s been working for Rio for quite some time, she just didn’t fight to make it a priority.

She needed to create distance and the least Mick could do was give her that. He picked up on that and gave her what she wanted, keeping his focus on what he was being paid to do.

“And now you’re here…at my house…uninvited.” The sarcasm did not go unnoticed.

Mick shrugged his shoulders, “you’ll have to take that up with Beth.”

“I think I will but first…is she gonna pull a gun out on you if you go in there?”

Mick thought about it, “she might. I hear she keeps one in her purse now. It’s not like I’m scared though.”

“Never that…” Siobhán slowly made her way towards the stocky man, “just don’t want to deal with the cleanup.”

Mick blinked, “The place can use some updating anyways.”

Was this the way it would be between the two now? Walking on eggshells since they were unsure where the other stood? There was so much history there. It was sixteen years maybe? since they last saw each other back in 2005 when Mick decided to up and join the marines a month after they received devastating news…

“Jackass.” Siobhán scoffed, walking by him to enter the dining room where eyes set on the pair.

Siobhán set the bottle on the table before plopping down, eyes locked on Beth who gave a sheepish smile.

“Don’t blame Rio for this, it was all my idea. I wasn’t totally sure Mick would be here.” Beth placed her hand on her chest in sincerity.

“I wasn’t sure if I would be here either since there’s this thing called range on this ankle monitor but Mick found a way around that so… shout out to you, mick!” Annie beamed as she popped grapes into her mouth.

Rio had his mouth pressed in his hand, not entirely agreeing with whatever Beth’s approach was.

Siobhán laughed, “you have a lot of nerve showing up here when I didn’t personally invite you and you also felt like involving two other people. Will Ruby be showing up too?”

“She’s in Nevada, so no.” Annie chatted.

Beth sat up straight, “yet she knows everything and will always know what’s going on.”

“So tell us Beth, what is going on?” Mick asked.

Beth glanced at Rio, which annoyed Siobhán.

“Well as the new mayor…I have a proposal for you. I’ll need some new attire for press conferences and events I’ll have to attend; also for my daughter and Annie too.”

Annie raised her brows at this.

“Mick has some business with a french man that you’re friendly with that can help with the shipping process.” Beth continued.

Siobhán folded her arms as she listened to Beth poke around the point of this conversation, “not only are you imposing but you’re also asking me to make clothes for you and your family but want me to get involved with some French man? Why?”

“You spent half of the year in France so it only makes sense that we expand the business.” Beth got excited as she talked.

“Business that you have with Rio?” Siobhán confirmed, “so what does a mayor really want from the French man and my designs?”

Beth rambled, “We need more funding of course. I have to be a successful mayor so that I can continue running and making this the best damn town ever.”

Siobhán failed to cover her laugh, letting out a cackle at the pure audacity of Beth that Rio and Mick thought she snapped. Once she got herself together, she wiped at the tears at the corners of her eyes.

“So let me get this straight, Beth. You ran this idea by one of my friends…which I’m sure he told you that you needed to find someone else to do it. Then you reached out to someone who used to be his right hand man, which so happens to be Mick and also has deep history with me to what? Persuade me? Because we know the same French man who also does illegal shit? Because I’ll be weak in the knees and take Rio and Mick’s word over yours? I’ll trust them? And then to have your baby sister back in your bullshit when she’s fresh on house arrest?! Whew!! you are a whole new level of a selfish cocky bitch.” Siobhán declared all of this to the older woman with a wicked smile.

She reached for the bottle, getting to work on the top as she awaited for someone to say anything else to her.

Beth swallowed as she looked at all the faces in the room, Annie shook her head at her sibling, not knowing this was her intentions on being here.

“Go on, tell us more on how you plan to fuck up my life since yours continues to spiral and you don’t even see it.” Siobhán encouraged as she poured the Prosecco into a teacup.

Beth pulled the sleeves down to her blazer, “I…believe with your sketches sent over to the French man, he’ll send the product back to us, we’ll wear the final product, make profit with a resell and do the whole money-switch-a-roo and give the French man his percentage back.”

“And when he comes after us, that’s when Rio and I come in.” Mick summarized what Beth didn’t say.

“Yes. We send him a little money to make the product, Give it some exposure, resell it, pocket the money for ourselves and the fake money goes to whatever I need to purchase to keep Detroit functioning. Everybody wins.” Beth explained in a chipper tone.

Annie let out a low-whistle, “that’s risky.”

“Oh and there’s also one more thing.” Beth kept on going, “Dawn Roslyn Parker wants in on it. We ran into each other at a conference yesterday and she says she actually loves your designs.”

“Huh? You didn’t say a thing about her.” Rio quizzed, knowing the heated stares from Mick and Siobhán were fair.

Rio was also in attendance as Siobhán’s plus one for her high school reunion last week, so he saw Dawn just for who she is with what she pulled. It was clear she was going overboard on poking the bear and hornets nest.

Beth rushed out , “she only wants a small cut. I’ve got it handled.”

“No, the problem is you think you do.” Mick shook his head, now taking a seat beside Siobhán.

“What do I look like working with the woman who used Mick and I’s dead daughter and her dead sister, who was my friend that she murdered out of jealousy! at the reunion for a slideshow presentation as a way to credit her revamped ways? And Why would I ever work with you? The woman who wants to take advantage of anyone to get ahead? Y’all are not my type of people.”

“Well that’s funny…” Beth almost puffed up her shoulders, “you don’t seem to mind Rio or Mick or even your family members…Meech and Bryan or B-Mickie was it? I’m still trying to figure out what Benny is into, besides you.”

Her eyes flicked to Mick’s then, almost seeking a reaction.

He simply didn’t give her the satisfaction.

“Beth Boland,” Siobhán leaned forward at the table, “I’m going to tell you this only one time since you seem to misunderstand me. I will never stoop to your conniving level of mixed up version of success that you’re looking for. You’ll never be happy that way. I am in my healing era and I’m not going to allow you to disrupt that so…You’re gonna take your things and exit the premises with your bullshit, before I have to get out of character and put a split right in between those pretty eyes.”

Annie gasped, appearing shook at Siobhán’s unexpected words.

Beth held Siobhán’s stare for awhile. It’s not like she didn’t think she was capable, despite the whole whimsical aura and poised persona she had going on. After all she was connected to Rio and Mick so that had to mean something right?

“Okay,” Beth was bubbly as she pushed back from the table, “Time is ticking and the offer expires by Sunday so if you change your mind, I’m sure you know where to find me. Come on, Annie.”

Annie sighed, “I didn’t get to enjoy this meal, Beth.”

“I’ve had better.”

“Not with your weekly unseasoned prep meals. Be forreal, girl.” Siobhán fanned her hand at Beth who just rolled her eyes with a snicker.

“Annie!” Beth called over her shoulder again, not wanting to do the walk of shame solo.

Annie grumbled to herself, scrapping the chair back as she met Siobhán’s stare, “sorry about Beth she’s—Beth. Do you mind if I take something to go?”

Rio rubbed at his face in aggravation, “just go tinker bell.”

Annie shoved some items into her coat sleeve and into her jean pockets muttering to herself, “tinker bell is a new one, is it because I decided to grow my hair out? Don’t know if i like that one, Ree-Oh!”

Once the front door slammed shut, the three sat in the warm dining room in deafening silence.

“You knew she was gonna bring that shit here when Siobhán has a lot to lose. What sense did that make?” Mick started the conversation, which surprised Siobhán—she couldn’t lie, since Mick was usually the sit back and watch type before or if he said anything.

“I think Elizabeth is at a level that can bring in better business for me. Us. If I would have known that you knew this Frenchman too, Mick, I wouldn’t have went along with this.” Rio admitted.

Siobhán snorted, “so you didn’t turn down this stupid idea for the sake of your so called best friend? Yikes, Rio.”

“I had your interest at heart too. Success looks different for everybody and when we all pulled it off, you’d be better than you are now.” Rio gave his perspective.

Siobhán rubbed at the tension in between her brows, “By having a target on my back? Something about her doesn’t have you thinking straight. The Rio I know wouldn’t want my hard work to be jeopardized…unless you’re desperate because if that’s it, you would have talked to me first, privately or you’re really being controlled by Beth.”

“I don’t get controlled by anything. I run this. I’m watching her do her thing from the side lines. She came up with the idea, I just wanted to see how well she executed it.”

“With no regard for my well-being?”

“Of course. I wanted to see how far you’re willing to go to keep things clean too.” He pressed his hands together.

Siobhán fired back, “is everything a test to you? Is it all tactical for you?”

“Nah, that’s just life. Look ma, I don’t mean to disrespect you—

“Too late for that,” Mick commented, resting his elbows on the table as he stared at Rio.

Who sent him a mean side-eye.

“You just have to be ready for these situations. Like how you met with…what was her name, you know her since you met up with her first husband right mick?” Rio tried to rope Mick in who puffed out a laugh in irritation.

What was he talking about?

Mick rubbed at his thick beard and sighed as he glanced at Siobhán who was frowning, “I met with Arman Morales who was with or still currently with—I don’t know their situation— a client that you worked with. Nadia. Nadia Morales. You created a piece for her and in return she gave you a significant sum of money and some jewelry right?”

“Where do you think that dirty money and emerald came from? She runs a casino doesn’t she?” Rio quizzed, “you may run a clean business but not a lot of people do. She’s one of us.”

Siobhán shouldn’t ask how they knew this because of course they had ways. Rio was supposed to be her friend and Mick was her past yet they were keeping tabs on her every move. Some might find themselves secure with that but Siobhan’s always been her own woman.

“So you can snoop around in my business but you couldn’t speak to me six months ago?” She grilled the man to the left her, first.

Mick licked his bottom lip, “you’re still on that?” He replied.

Wrong choice of words.

“Still on that?” She repeated louder this time with a scrape back of the chair as she placed the bottle she was cradling back on the table, “Still on that?! I can’t stand you!”

And walked off from the dining room.

“See what you started? You and Beth just dump everything on everybody else and expect people to go along with it when you know that’s not Siobhán.”

“Careful, now. You’re starting to sound like Nick.” Rio taunted as he nudged his chin outwards, “Siobhán’s a grown woman, she can handle her shit. Now ya’ll need to go get closure so we can collectively decide what happens next.”

Mick exhaled ignoring the insult the man threw his way, “You don’t get to decide that.”

“You’re right I don’t but the both of you will feel better once you do. And believe it or not Mick, I care. Even about you too.” Rio pulled out his phone, but held Mick’s stare who scoffed, pushing back from the table in search of the long haired woman.

He didn’t have to look far as he went to the right from the dining room, into the kitchen. Mick peered around the corner seeing her at the kitchen sink, scrubbing away at a pan that sat inside of it. Stress cleaning must still be her thing and he found himself taking a inhale as he went back to the glass door to the dining room and gently pulled it closed.

Silently he moved into the kitchen, actually taking the time to look around it. There was a small hallway from which he came, the first door was also left open revealing the path back to the entryway of the home, the door to the right held a tan almost orange small room with a flatscreen, a sofa, decent lighting, and some plastic containers shoved against the wall underneath the window. It was a spacious home but still felt empty to Mick, which made Mick question how happy was she? Yes Siobhán purchased this home a couple of months before she decided to come back to the states, however it didn’t feel homey just yet.

Maybe it was Mick’s ego but he felt like he had a part to play in that.

He decided to take a seat at the corner island that was built into the wall of the kitchen. He wasn’t sure if he really liked this set up but it wasn’t his place to comment on what he liked or disliked about this home. The dragging of the chair, caused her to stop scrubbing away at the pan in the sink, glancing over her shoulder with the loose strands of hair that framed her face floated with her movements.

“What did you come here for?”

Mick folded his hands against the counter, briefly thinking about how he should answer this. He knew she wouldn’t appreciate any coyness from him.

“You say you’re ready to talk but it ain’t feel that way back then. I gave you the space you wanted.”

She let the pan slip back into the deep sink and whipped around, her hands gripping the sink behind her as she laughed, “what I wanted? I didn’t think you care what I wanted. You didn’t back when I was seventeen, you eighteen and running off to be a marine. I had to hear that shit from your mother and sister instead of you. You didn’t even bother to leave a note or write a letter or pick up the phone and just try to talk to me. You up and decided what you wanted, leaving me alone to bury our daughter.”

Mick molded his lips into his mouth, carefully listening. This wasn’t news to him, he’s known what he’s done. He’s lived with it and he also knew how to numb it down. It was the best thing for him to do before he ended up doing something really stupid. He wished eighteen year old him knew how to communicate better but all he was surrounded with growing up was screaming matches and that’s not what he wanted to do with Siobhán…ever again.

“You weren’t ever alone, you had my mother and my sister. You had your dad and your cousin-aunt Lucille to rally around you—

“I didn’t want them I wanted you! Don’t you get that?! I wanted the guy I created life with to just hold me down like I would have done him. I know losing our girl was fucking painful and it’ll always be…but I never thought you would have hit me with nothing but white noise. Our relationship was never like that.” She sniffed.

Seventeen year old Siobhán and eighteen year old Mick happened to be very vocal towards one or another. They shared a class with each other, goofing off and everyone knew they liked each other but they always had to one up the other. Mick was the first to ask her out but she declined all because she wanted to be the one to ask him first.

“I hear you,” Mick said, “I’m sorry I put you through that, truly.”

“Then why did it take sixteen years?” She was accusatory, “did you know Rio and I were friends before you decided to work with him?”

Mick felt his eye twitch at that. He understood where Siobhán was coming from but his actions had nothing to do with her.

“…let me know now if this isn’t something you want to work through.”

“What, Michael?” She used his government and that was something she rarely did.

Mick toyed with his beard as he spoke what he was feeling, “I can’t ever make up for that time…especially if you’re always going to feel a way about it. I was acting off hurt emotions and I know you’re still hurt too but I can’t be face to face with you if it’s going to be the same story on loop. I want better for us.”

“I can’t keep up with you anymore,” Siobhán placed her hand on her chest, feeling her heart thud rapidly against its cage, “one minute you’re telling me you’re trying to give me what you think I want, then you’re telling me you’re sorry, and now you’re telling me that you’re assuming that I’ll be unable to forgive you, just like that.”

“It’s okay if you don’t, I can learn to respect that but what I won’t do, is take you blaming me for our daughter’s death. I won’t be that punching bag, I gotta heal too.”

Siobhán felt her lips tremble, “I-I don’t blame you. Did you overthink that while you were away from me?”

“…it’s crossed my mind.”

“Well you’re a dumbass!”

Mick chewed on his lips, a bit vulnerable now.

“This is why I wished you just talked to me even if you couldn’t face me. A phone call, a letter. I would have told you that I never blamed you for what happened to her.” Siobhán expressed.

Mick rubbed at his face, feeling the weight of it all circling back around when he’s shoved it away for so long. “Kadene Solina Peraza…she would be fifteen this year. That’s crazy.”

“It is isn’t it?”

“I talk about her often with my therapist,” Mick pinched at the bridge of his nose to get his emotions together, “what she would be into, who she would look more like as she aged, since we all know she looked exactly like her fine daddy.”

Siobhán rolled her eyes, “you know what that means right? You’re the person that got on my nerves the most during the pregnancy.”

“Nah don’t try to downplay my genes.”

“Don’t want to hear anything else surrounding that,” Siobhán rolled her fingers around in Mick’s direction, making him snort out a laugh.

A actual comfortable silence filled the white once stuffy kitchen.

“You should come to one of my sessions with me…to fully close this chapter with some guidance…if that’s what you want?” Mick suggested.

Kadene wasn’t the only one he talked about and he was sure his therapist wouldn’t oppose to this as she already knew the tale of Mick and Bhán.

Siobhán scooped her strands of hair behind her ears as she exhaled, “I’d like that. Just let me know when.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.”

“So…can we hug it out or is that pushing it?”

Siobhán let a small smile crack onto her lips as she held out her hands, taking steps to meet Mick at the bar stool he sat on. He got to his feet, arms reaching up to lock around her shoulders as her hands crept to latch onto his back. Being in his arms again felt like how it always did, safe and warm.

And if he held on any longer she might have cried.

“I’ve missed you for a long time, Bhán.” He whispered as the side of his head rested against hers.

She did too, Mick meant a lot to her. He’s been in her life since she was fourteen and him fifteen back when he had wavy thick hair, one chest tattoo, and loved listening to big pun, Jay-Z and had the biggest crush on Ashanti…you just don’t get over someone like him.

Siobhán thought about mentioning Annie, not to stir things up but to get that curiosity to shut up. Yet she just wanted to enjoy this moment for what it was, before she had to get in Rio’s ass about this plan to cater to the new mayor.

“What a cute Kodak moment, so everything good in here?” Rio’s smooth voice interrupted, causing Siobhán to pull away and look over at the thin but tall man who leaned in the doorway.

Mick didn’t rush to let go of Siobhán, which Rio noticed as his eyes flicked to the position of Mick’s hands resting on the small of her back.

“It will be.” Was Mick’s response.

Rio pushed off the doorway, “Good, good. Love to see it. Shall we discuss business back in the dining room? Food’s getting cold and I’m getting kinda lonely back there.”

Siobhán sent a look to Mick and moved from his grasp as she roughly patted Rio on his chest, “you’ll survive. You always do. Also just to let you know, I’m starting to regret inviting your ass here.”

“I bet but let’s talk about it,” Rio was all high cheek bones and smiles as Siobhán walked by him, followed by Mick who shook his head at him, “I’m told putting your feelings all out on the table is a healthy approach.”

And so the three sat down at the dining table, facing each other, ready to say what must be said.

︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶︶ׂׂૢ ︶︶

Continue along with my spring anthology prompts here.

[strawberrymilk-sunshine]

Scared of you.

I'M BACK BITCHESSSSSSSSS

this was based on a convo I had with @kimberlyscout about life under the sea!

Warning(s): angst AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh and some undersea life headcanons

You and Azul have been dating for quite some time now.

To everybody else, it seems like you have a perfect relationship.

Hell, even to you it seems like you have a perfect relationship, but...

That's just because Azul is good at hiding his feelings.

In reality, your relationship is completely falling apart. But, Azul won't let you know that. He won't let you know how he really feels about you... because he wants to have a perfect relationship with you.

It happened so long ago.

He should be over it by now, right?

So why isn't he...?

You two were sat down in the cafeteria together. As always, you were eating octopus.

He loved how happy you looked when you ate it, it was your favourite food, after all... it makes sense that you'd enjoy eating it...

But he can't help but wince everytime you take a bite.

If he hadn't been so lucky that day... then that tentacle on your plate could have been from him.

But there's no use thinking about that! After all, he was lucky that day, he was able to get away! He shouldn't be thinking about this! He should only be focusing on how happy you are, your food isn't him and it never will be, it never will be...

...it never will be.

"Is something wrong, Azul?" You asked.

"Huh-? Ah, no... n-nothing's wrong, (Y/N)..." He insisted.

"Well alright... um, you're sure you're ok with me eating this...?" You asked. "I know you've said you are, but... you always seem so nervous when I-"

"No! It's fine! It's fine, it's your favourite food, and I'd hate for you to have to stop eating your favourite food just because of me!" He nervously laughed.

"Well... ok then, if you insist."

Azul quietly sighed to himself.

"What is wrong with me?!" Azul yelled at his reflection.

No transformation spell or potion is perfect, a mirror will always reflect the true form. The mirrors will always remind him of...

He punched the mirror.

He's not entirely sure why he did it...

Whatever. He has to go manage the Lounge. There's no use thinking of... all this.

"Ah, there you are, Azul." Jade said as Azul entered the Lounge. "We were very worried you would fail to show up tonight."

"I think I might need a day off next week..." Azul sighed.

"By the way, you know it's tonight, don't you? Floyd and I need our... payment."

"W-what?! No, that's not for another month!" Azul whisper yelled. "They haven't even fully grown back yet, just give me a bit longer!"

"Do you not value our friendship?" Jade asked. "If you do, then you will do it tonight."

"...fine."

You couldn't help but feel like you messed up earlier.

You want to let him know you're sorry for whatever you could have messed up.

He's probably at the Lounge, cleaning up and getting ready to lock up for the night. So you made your way there.

You entered the Lounge.

All the lights are off, and no music is playing.

It seems so different that you feel like you've never been there before.

...

Azul isn't anywhere to be seen.

But you can hear him... it sounds like he's in the kitchen.

When you opened the set of double doors, you saw him sitting on the floor, his pant leg rolled up to his thigh so he could bandage his leg.

"Azul-?"

He looked up in surprise, causing you to notice the tears in the corners of his eyes.

"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?!"

And that was when you noticed the two spasming black-and-purple tentacles on the counter, still oozing blue blood.

"What... what is this?! Are you ok?!" You yelled in a panic.

"Yes, yes, don't worry, I-I'm fine..." He told you, wiping his eyes. "It's... it's just a scratch, really, they'll grow back."

"Grow back...? What are you-"

"Well, because I'm an octopus I can... I can regrow my limbs. It's easy, don't worry. I'm used to this." He sighed as he stood up.

"So you can regrow your tentacles?" You asked, he nodded. "That's cool! Heh, with an ability like that I could use you as my own personal food supply~!" You said in a joking matter.

Azul fell to his knees the second you said that.

He looked so... shaken.

"What's wrong?! A-are you ok?!" You yelled in a panic.

"I... I can't do this anymore." He whispered as he brought his hands up to his face. "I can't do this anymore (Y/N), I can't date you anymore! We can't be together, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-!" He sobbed.

"Azul...? Are... are you ok...?"

"Get out of my café. NOW, (Y/N), I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" He screamed.

"Azul, calm down, what's going on?"

"I told myself... I'd never let myself feel like this again." He sighed. "So much for that. Do you know how hard life is underwater? No. You don't. You could never know. You could never hope to understand what I've been through."

"Your bullying? Don't worry, I understand that completely, I-"

"NOT THAT, YOU IDIOT! ...high class families live in civilization. The rest of our society is kill or be killed, eat or be eaten. I was lucky enough to grow up in civilization. There are many different kinds of merfolk, some more carnivorous than others... take the twins for example, they're morays; apex predators. Fish are sentient too, you know. It's illegal to eat fish under the sea, though some still do it..."

"Fish are sentient-?"

"That's not what's important, (Y/N)!!" He yelled. "You see, to solve that problem... octopus merfolk like me are... used as a non-lethal renewable food source. Some do it by choice for money, but... the majority are forced into it. I was almost forced into it. Sure, I was from a high class family, which is supposed to protect me from that, b-but I was still almost... I was only involved in that for a day, it shouldn't scare me anymore, right? What's wrong with me?"

"Azul, did you... really go through that?"

"DO YOU NOT BELIEVE ME?!" He yelled, inky tears falling down his face. "Come to think about it, that... that might've been the first time I properly met the twins. They... they saved me, from that terrible fate... but you know, of course they didn't do it for free. They wanted my tentacles. They made me cut them off myself, I remember their faces as I did it... they laughed at me the whole time. So they ate the tentacles and then brought me to safety... ever since then, we've had a deal. So long as I give them my tentacles every now and again, they'll... protect me." He sighed. "I didn't feel safe in my own home, you understand that?! Anyone at any time in any place could take be away again...!"

That was when Azul fully broke down crying.

"A-are you ok-?"

You immediately crouched down, and reached your hand out in some attempt to comfort him.

He slapped your hand away.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Azul screamed. "(Y/N), do you know why I never told you about this...?"

"No, I-"

"It's because I wanted us to have a perfect relationship. I didn't want you to have to give up your favourite food just because of something that happened to me so many years ago... I tried so hard to hide this side of me from you... I try my hardest to not appear like a... coward. But now I see that won't work. We won't work, (Y/N)."

"Please, we can work through this-!"

"No we can't. I'm sorry. Now get out of here and leave me alone. (Y/N), I... I'm doing this for you, understand? I want you to have a partner that can make you happy, one that isn't... scared of you." He paused. "That just isn't me."

"Azul, please-!"

"NO! GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN! GET OUT OF MY LOUNGE! GET OUT OF MY DORM! GET OUT, NOW!!" Azul screamed at you once more. "...please don't come back here. And if you tell anyone about this 'breakdown' of mine, then I'll make sure you never speak again. Understand?"

"But I-"

"GO."

You didn't mean for any of this to happen...

[umepnnn]

3DOLC x ROE — results.

challenge created by @starliet and @cleostoohot 🖤

sorry (and not sorry) for the long hiatus cuz i'm enjoying life :)

so a few days ago i came across several posts about their challenge and i decided to try it out ! i didn't plan to post or anything so there wasn't a "what i'll be manifesting" post, but the results were so insane i had too make one.

ଓ affirmations i used:

regardless of everything...

nothing can ruin my manifestations

i always manifest within 3 days or less

i have everything i desire

ଓ what i manifested:

always confident and friendly, good at socializing

that's exactly what i did. i feel like a social butterfly at school and it's easier for me to join in convos now. making friends and having small talk just became easier for me. and i don't overthink so much anymore

being more included in my friend groups

i have a group i hang out with at uni for like 4-5 months now but i wasn't rlly active until this challenge LMAO now i'm like so comfortable with everyone and felt more like a part of the group. it also went like this with my other friend groups that i just started hanging out since this year. i actually speak to people individually now woah :)

getting closer with an SP

idk i thought this guy was cute so i just included this and at first the situation was: he's close with my friends but he's not in any of my friend groups so we don't hang much at all. but then after 2-3 days since this challenge, our mutual friend suddenly ADDED HIM into the group out of the blue and we all started going out and he is SUCH A GENTLEMAN to me + he added my socials as well hehe

school is fun, assignments are easy & no stress

literally came to school to chit chat and i'm not stressed at all. i get my work done on time and everything goes so smooth fr. and the best part is my classmates are the sweetest ugh SCHOOL IS FUN (they are the uni friend group i just mentioned up there) and they'd always gather around my seat lol and we'd chat the whole class.

bright smooth clear skin

same skin care routine – skin clearer than ever. no longer uneven dark spots or small little bumps <3 smooth like a baby's bottom :) my mom actually thought i was wearing makeup when i literally just washed my face n removed all the makeup !!

no dark circles

i slept like usual but my dark circles rlly went away since this challenge i'm actually surprised (even tho it should go away cuz it's the law lmao) and usually they'd still show when i have my makeup on but now it's wayyy less noticeable

friends from other countries coming to mine so we could hang out

just went out with one the other day lmao so check ✔️ i guess

everyone cares about me and is very nice to me

yoo my friends were so patient and attentive to me and even the taxi drivers are nice, they'd start convos and not in a creepy way. everyone is so nice for real <333

ଓ what i did:

i just read the list and affirm whenever i can, mostly focused on the 4D and know it's inevitable that they'd manifest <3 cuz it's already mine the moment i think i have it. and honestly the "nothing can ruin my manifestations" line helped me a lot.

other than that i did nothing in the 3D. i never initiated anything. they all just came to me just ✨ like ✨ that ✨

i got most of my desires within 3 days but i still continued affirming after 3 days cuz like why not? it's like i'm doing the challenge again or sum but yes i still get desired results after that.

btw i also listened to quite a few subliminals alongside doing this challenge just because i can xD even for the same desires and like they both manifested but anyways i'll make a separate post on my subliminal results.

© umepnnn 2021 – all rights reserved.

[note from a later date //29 jan 2024]

i have been on a hiatus since then until now, because i was busy with a lot of stuff i didn't have much time to learn and post astrology stuff here ~

i am still busy as ever and i don't plan on coming back here anytime soon (mayyyybee idk) but i still come on tumblr quite often cuz i loveee our astrology & manifesting content

and somehow today i checked my draft and saw this whole post here from three years ago i'm like wuhhh totally forgot.

BUT! everything i said is true fr like the "friends from other countries coming to mine so we could hang out" last year literally TEN of my friends came to my place (they're from 4 different countries) and I even went on trips with some of them — mind u i havnt seen most of them in like 2 years at the time

trust me manifesting is sooo easy just think u have it and u have it

thanks for reading and stay healthy stay safe everyone <3 cya

[noahczreny]

i want to hear all ur rwrb movie thoughts x

OOF OKAY buckle up this is gonna be a long one. i'll put everything under a read more because i really really didnt like the movie and also it's gonna be spoilery

but i will leave my one opinion that has no bearing on anything above which is THEY FUCKED THE TURKEY SCENE WHICH IS ONE OF MY FAV SCENES IN THE WHOLE BOOK. i wanted alex to say "puttheturkeysinmyroomputtheturkeysinmyroomputtheturkeysinmyroom" to the fucking president and then have a complete meltdown about the gobble and it DIDNT HAPPEN

also i should probably mention that ive read this book like 7 times and it's my comfort read so im v close to the source material

i really feel like they took out all of the heart in the story. i was reading that variety article that said they wanted to take out everything that wasnt focused just on the relationship or whatever but everything in their lives is what makes the relationship so GOOD and relatable. they took out all of the angst and pining and buildup and made the characters so flat and i didn't believe a single thing about their relationship.

the characters truly felt like different people. alex had none of the desperation that he does in the books. we dont see him teetering on the edge of everything and barely holding it together while pretending everything is completely fine. we don't see him working SO hard to ignore everything bad in his life while pretending he's just this golden boy who has his whole life figured out. we don't see him working so hard towards his almost unattainable political goals while simultaneously trying to prove himself. we don't see his meltdowns and panic attacks and insomnia. we don't see henry being the boy who just wants to be a writer but is forced into this role that he doesn't fit into. we don't see him spilling his guts in emails because he can finally talk about all of the things he's kept hidden and found someone he can finally be himself with who doesn't just see him as the perfect little princeling. we don't get to see his deep grief and depression or his anxiety about being out in public and always being on display or the constant battle he has about his duty to his country and just wanting to be himself. he kinda just turned into this broy prince dude who was kinda concerned about being gay and also being a prince but also sorta didnt really seem to care?

the fact that they made alex kinda know he was bi before the story started also completely changed his entire character. we don't get to see him figuring out parts of himself with henry, we don't get to struggle with trying to figure out what it means to be bi and also want the reddest parts of the US to relate to him. we don't even get the convo he has with nora about him being bi, it just got turned him whether or not he likes henry which felt way less impactful. also, keeping his parents together made parts of the story not even make sense. like why the fuck did they go to lake house to meet his dad if henry had already met him because his parents are still together?

the secondary characters were also SO FLAT and basically nonexistent. the fact that pez was called percy the entire time annoyed me. like i know that's his name but i feel like they toned down his character so much and part of that was never calling him pez. bea was basically nonexistent and was just like the sweet little sister (which, also, why the fuck did they change the birth order??). taking june out was a HUGE blow to alex's characterization and the storytelling as a whole and nora was so bland. she's one of my fav characters in the book because she's so fun and chaotic and movie nora was just like ,, idk cool and chill and was a total different character. also making henry's mom just be absent because she's travelling or whatever and then not be there when they're talking to the king was such a weird choice. also don't get me started on miguel, i can't believe took out raf just to put that jealous fucker in. aghhhh. also zahra was much less of a boss bitch than she was in the books. when she called shaan and was all snippy i was like ma'am you sound SILLY right now.

taking out all of the mental health rep also made me really sad. so much of the story was exploring grief and depression and anxiety and adhd and addiction and that just didn't exist at all. if they wanted to just make it a love story then that's fine, but you can't tell me that two guys in their situations would be neurotypical and not deal with any sort of grief at all.

and the EMAILS. my god, who was fucking in charge of that change because i seriously c a n n o t. where was the poetry and the angst and the historical references? why were they just like "hi im in texas, miss you" and "im reading this cool book, miss you too". so much of their relationship development happens in those emails and there's so many iconic lines and we got none of that. it also made it feel way less impactful when the emails got leaked. was there really so many scandalous things in those emails? between these flat ass characters? you can't convince me anyone actually cared about those. also the fact that miguel leaked them made NO sense. what did he have to gain? he was just mad that alex didnt wanna hook up with him again so he decided to be jealous and petty? i don't understand. also if they didn't fuck the emails they wouldn't have had to awkwardly shoehorn the "history huh" line into the museum scene. i half expected alex to turn to the camera and wink like he was in the office or some shit.

they also changed the timeline enough that everything felt so weirdly paced. they apparently aged them up, which i didnt even realize when i was watching the movie, so the love story would feel "believable" or some shit, but why can't 23 year olds be in love? why do they have to be older? also henry being like "i want to be make love tonight" EXCUSE ME SIR? in this hotel room? book henry would fucking NEVER.

my last gripe is alex's coming out speech. first, why did they have to change it? the speech in the book was SO good and impactful and the one in the movie was just ,, bland? where was "love is indomitable" and "he is my choice" and "im the first son son of the united states and i'm bisexual. history will remember us"? also why did he make the speech before even talking to henry? he essentially outted him to the entire fucking world without even having a little chat with him first which was truly fucked.

WAIT MY ACTUAL LAST THING was why did their outfits suck so much in the show. where was alex's bomber jacket during the reelection? he looked like an office bro and i was not into it.

[echotunes]

Slimecicle characterization: (sorry this is a bit long)

* Mainly referred to as slime but close friends (Wilbur, Philza, etc.) almost exclusively call him Charlie

* He makes up slime related words a lot and will just make random noises

* Makes up songs a lot/ will replace lyrics of existing songs to whatever he finds situationally appropriate/ funny

* Does both goofy humor where he laughs at himself/ along with others and dry humor where he plays everything totally straight

* “Yarf/ I’m gonna yarf” (throw up)

* “My bones!” (When hurt)

* Doesn’t use emoticons in messages, no caps unless it’s the full word for emphasis, single messages with punctuation if needed (chat example: “we won the war. (qsmp)” vod 35:45 you can see his chat history with Foolish)

* He has a really extensive vocabulary and when making jokes will always switch up the phrasing/ use synonyms so as to not say the same words repeatedly

* He will make jokes to himself/ quietly and if no one heard it then he might repeat it once more but never more than that

* He makes himself the butt of the joke a lot, especially with new people. Only when he’s super close friends with someone will he makes jokes about them

* Literally king of the bit. Will take any opportunity to continue a bit or make a new one (breaking Roier’s windows, calling Phil old, getting “stuck” in the ghost maze)

* Mf is both easily distracted and laser focused, often at the same time and rarely aware of his surroundings

* He almost never responds to being hit when people are trying to get his attention, especially if he’s having a conversation with someone else (in general if he’s having a one on one convo with someone he’s practically blind to anyone else)

* Doesn’t move around when talking to the point that someone may leave his view and it might take a few seconds for him to move to see them again

* Despite being highly social he doesn’t like interacting with large groups that have multiple conversations going on (most likely cause it’s hard for him to pull focus) - he’ll often ask others to step to the side

* *After leaving a group* “I can finally hear myself think”

* He’s isn’t super knowledgeable about minecraft so isn’t aware of a lot of mechanics. He plays almost exclusively to hang out with people and doesn’t enjoy doing things alone

* Will play into his own ignorance for a joke - typically comically over exaggerated

* He’s super grateful for gifts and if it’s something that directly benefits him (amour, food, supplies) he’ll always ask if the giver is sure

* If he’s around quackity there is an extremely high chance of him getting manipulated

* Boy has pipes and while yes this does make him a good singer it also makes him a really loud screamer

* Loves to be silly and goofy and then pulls out the most gut wrenching angst/ trauma you’ve ever had the misfortune of witnessing

* When in serious situations will entirely drop any jokes and talks very sincerely/ more soft voice

Specifically QSMP

* Canonically can shape shift

* Was kept in a cage as a child and had abusive parents and multiple other siblings who are assumedly deceased

* Thinks very lowly of himself and doesn’t think himself deserving of any kindness shown towards him since accidentally killing Tilín

* Is an alcoholic and self harms (uses a taser to electrocute himself when he feels sad… which is often)

* Loves his family more than anything and actively talks about how much he misses them every time he streams

* Fights with Mariana are more humor based - like what’s the most absurd thing that can be said

* Repeats eggs’ names a lot when talking to them

* There’s natural gas in his mine that makes him hallucinate and forget things

(I definitely went a bit overboard with this so feel free to pick and choose what would actually be useful for the cheat sheet. Hopefully there’s some helpful stuff here 💙)

!! ty so much anon! I'm not much of a Charlie viewer so this is a big help I'll make sure to add it to the doc

[homosapiennns]

LET’S TALK ABOUT MR. SADIK ADNAN AKA UNCLE DILF OF HETALIA

Sadık is an unique name. I never met a Sadık in my life. It means loyal. Adnan is usually a name, not a surname. It’s an old name, people don’t name their sons Adnan anymore. Both names are pretty masculine sounding. “Sadık” is pronounced S, A in dark, Dı is read the same as the word “the”, K is normal. Adnan is pretty easy, all As in our language are the same.

Sadiq is not a real name, we don’t have q in our alphabet. But I understand that people don’t know this so I forgive u guys 😙

Do I like his name? Tbh the first time I’ve seen it I didn’t, but I like it now. I can’t imagine him having a different name.

I have a few headcanons of him!!!

First of all, this man is LOUD. Like he is not shouting obv, but he talks loudly, energetically, and a little fast paced. He is extroverted, he can carry a conversation easily, and I can see him being “the dominant one” in a convo if it makes sense. Like u don’t have to worry about finding a topic bc Sadık naturally finds it.

His voice is deep.

He is friendly, but he doesn’t share his romantic life if it’s not a close friend. I can see him being close w Balkan countries, Bulgaria especially. A lot of Turks came to Turkey from Bulgaria in 50s and 90s (bc yk Ottoman Empire was there) But I think his personal relationship with Balkans doesn’t get affected by foreign policies. Bc fuck governments and politics. Anyways LOL. He is friends with Russia too. I read some RusTur fanfics? I don’t even know the name of the ship but it was fucking hot. He likes Europeans, Germany is his fave, but he isn’t close with them. Greece will have his own section 😉

He lives in Istanbul, in Anatolia side. He just can’t escape this city he loves it so much even tho it’s overpopulated.

He likes fishing like every uncle ever. He falls asleep in front of his TV like every dad. He loves drinking rakı and eating the fish he caught w it. He loves to eat, he has a dad bod. When he’s drinking he prepares the table like this n people go insane for it, also he always pays the meal’s bills. His hospitality has no limits like this man can die of hypothermia if it means his guests are warm and tucked in bed.

He has ZERO drip 😔 he has a beard n a hairy body. Idk why but I can’t rlly imagine him with abs. Maybe Osmanlı (Im gonna use Turkish bc Ottoman Empire is so long bro) had an athletic body, but Mr. Turkey just doesn’t care.

He loveeees cooking. Ok so Turks hate takeouts unless u live alone. If u go to a Turkish household and suggest that u want to order a pizza they will act like u just cursed their entire family. Sadık is the same unless he eats kebap outside bc mmm kebap is yummy.

He is a Muslim, not a hardcore tho, he only practices it in Fridays the same way Christians go to church in Sundays.

LETS TALK ABOUT OSMANLI OMG. So yk Mr. Adnan is friendly softie etc etc. But Osmanlı was different! I think his personality changed after the Turkish War of Independence and the Republic has founded. He had to change himself, we the people had to change ourselves to fit the modern Western world.

But at it’s prime Sadık was crueler, focused on wars and fighting and conquering, making his Empire bigger. He has seen many things. Had to betray, manipulate. He was impatient, cunning, cynical. He was never cold though. I think he was always sincere, like yeah his words hurt but he was telling the truth. I don’t like portraying him evil, like a villain. He doesn’t have a bad heart. He knows how to have a good time if u are his friend.

I think he got THE drip bro. Like his clothes were the most expensive fabrics, sewn by the best tailors.

His sexuality hmmm well 🤔 I think he likes woman but Osmanlı was really gay at that time. Lots of gossips about bisexual Sultans. So I hc him as bi leaning to woman. He loves woman but he bedded many manyyyyy men yk. Especially when he was younger and sexier and he fucked some Sultans with their wives. Like casual not-so-secret threesomes in Has Oda, yeniçeri’s blushing listening outside of their door (Sultan’s main bedroom 😉) he probably wanted to sleep w women in harem too but he couldn’t 😔 no men were allowed inside.

I don’t ship TurGre. I’ve read fics, some I really like, but when I think about it I feel weird and uncomfortable. I like their dynamic as complicated frenemies. Sadık was never a parent to Hera. I think their dynamic was like Romano-Spain. Boss and ??? Child??? I think Hera never did housework though. Humans already did that. When Hera was little, he hated Sadık. But as he spent time w him, he liked him a little bit. Sadık taught him many things, but he never saw him as his “son” or “student” it’s just. It was a land under Osmanlı, and Sadık wanted to know him. He looked after him of course, and he enjoyed his company. Telling him stories, traveling Istanbul, talking philosophy. We all know Hera loves philosophy. I also think they didn’t spend a lot of time anyway, Sadık was too busy.

Today, they pretend to hate each other but they don’t actually hate each other?? Wowneifnifj. It’s like Turkey vs Greece memes. Like they make fun of each other but it’s teasing, it’s not mean, both went through so many things. They both suffered n they understand each other.

AND TURKEY TOUCHES PEOPLE. A LOT. He hugs n slaps n pokes. Hera is used to it. Turks are touchy in general, including men. No boundaries at all. I’m glad Hima put this in the comic :D

That’s all about the Istanbul gentleman 😙✨

[spikeinthepunch]

thinking real hard about that new content in Painful bc i really love it-- while Painful did work well without more blatant explanations on Marty, Lisa, or Brad's past, it also meant there was some stuff I just never learned if i didnt play First at least (and my second play through of Painful brought even MORE clarity to me), and well honestly I just enjoy the deeper explorations of these characters. I already rambled about this content in a 2am post messily but now I am thinking hard about the cycle of abuse- specific to Brad and the general theme of new content in general being about how deeply rooted abuse is, improvement of yourself, letting go of guilt & anger and the importance of love.

in order to better break down the new content and how it adds things to the story i transcribed the new content-- queen's campfire dialog, mad dog's campfire dialog, and two large pieces of dialog from the nightmare scene. parallels! parallels everywhere! I uploaded it as a text file if you want to read it all yourself :)

also this means this post will be long as fuck. there are so many cool things to connect here.

This new content in Painful does a lot to express the years of shit Brad went through that further fed his issues. And while most of this ends up focusing on Marty (which I do thinks its important to not just throw Lisa on screen, her purpose is still as being 'off screen' for effect) it greatly helps Brad's character and the flashback to Lisa and him playing together or their convo before Brad runs away- fantastic addition alongside Buddy's later instance of putting makeup on Brad (made me extra sad)- and it 'humanizes' Lisa more. She existed- she was a sister with a brother and they hung out and had fun and they talked. etc. They existed in the same house and they endured horrible things.

I feel like this new content kind of hammered in the family like... the affect of abusive families. And what Brad has been missing from a normal upbringing, what he's lost after all this time because of abuse, and what he is desperately trying to get out of Buddy. At the end of the fight with flesh-mound Marty (we will be talking about this A LOT), this part especially feels like it reflects Brad's inability to not see Buddy as the redemption he needs, what he feels is the only thing to save him:

But if you stop. …if you do this. It's over. Dead. You know what happens. We can't let her out. She… She's gonna hurt us so bad.

Which also, I think parallels to Lisa too-- honestly. so much of what alludes to Lisa works well for Buddy and vise versa, for obvious reasons.

But the nightmare really just... you really get the feeling for how fucking exhausting it is. Brad is so tired and he's trying so hard. But the thought that says he will be like his father feels deep rooted- its his blood, Marty lives inside him, he can't fight it hard enough.

this next section of the flesh-mound boss fight ending has a clear conflict in his own thoughts. He recognizes it's all so tiring and it needs to be let go. But then it turns into anger at himself. And more likely recalling the tough words of wisdom his father gave him (or his grandpa too)

I know you're tired. All this anger. These memories. So many scars. So many mistakes. It all stings… So let it all go. You don't deserve it. The guilt is gonna kill you. Why can't you just let go? Be a man. When they hand you their heart. You don't bare yours. You eat it. Consume everything. Puke it up. Then eat it again. Eat like a dog. You know it only takes one taste. You know better than me. It's so fucking easy. And if you never stop… It feels so good.

Fun fact! The "When they hand you their heart. You don't bare yours. You eat it. Consume everything." gets referenced slightly in the new Joyful content, where Brad's friends are trying to recall some words of wisdom which they only recall as "Sometimes you need to just... Eat your heart out. Or something." Which implies Brad likely told them this line to some extent.

Oof. Probably my favorite excerpt from the boss dialog. Consume Everything. Puke it up, eat it again.... You know it only takes one taste. You know better than me... Marty's own behavior comes out here as he encouraged Brad similarly in other scenes. He's the one that's is in fact forcing Brad to get a "taste" of this. (Look back at the 'father' epilogue in Joyful). But he also makes Brad think that this is always all on him- by giving him the responsibility of "this is how men should be", it takes blame off of Marty and puts it on Brad for not "being a man" and thus, repeating these behaviors in a way that is often told to him as justified and as the right way to act.

He is constantly guilted and programed to this behavior in an extreme way by Marty taunting him, belittling and validating his own abusive behavior.

Let me cut over to Mad Dog's campfire scene. Yep! I promise its related (to me).

[cut to here. He is referring to what (seems to be) something his father said.] When I'm ready to die. We fight. You have to beat me. Then you will eat me. A dog in a dog in a dog in a dog. Hellacious. Miserable cycle. Never stop. Make. Us. More. Madness is a small cost. For power greater than love. […] Strength is our family. [Scene pans down the cliffs showing more and more skulls of humans and dogs hiden under ground. the next text appears on screen]: I love you… But I really have to go. [At the bottom of the cliffs, a spider much like the Marty-spiders appears, but with Brad's face instead.]

While this is something Mad Dog is saying as if its something his own father said to him, it seems pretty clear you can see the parallel to Brad. Honestly its way too accurate to ignore lol. the first line is strangely similar to things Marty says in the nightmare fight, and the "Dog in a dog" clearly feels very similar to the "eat like a dog" in that earlier quote i gave. Whats even more weird is the scene is pans through.

(Again not taking away from Mad Dog's own story, just explaining the parallel). The skulls that become more and more in the dirt feel like a metaphor for all the years of abuse, and the cycle of it. Now the Brad-spider? That surprised me.

Taking-

I love you… But I really have to go.

Feels like something related to Buddy. And I think this as well because of the spider at the end. Marty-spiders always felt like they were supposed to show how his effect is always there and you might now know where. His abuse still exists even in the smallest form. For a Brad one to be shown like that- I would read into it as how Brad is still going after Buddy, while his behavior is in fact abusive.

The hardest of it all is the imagery and the use of plural dialog too is that we really get to see how Brad feels like Marty is and always will be a part of him and that's what makes it so hard to change. And considering the above I mentioned, it makes sense.

We can't handle that, Brad. It's too painful. I'm not ready. We'll never be ready! Don't fight blood! Please! I'm fucking scared!

The desperation towards the end fits the idea of letting go of Lisa in the regard that the grief for her is also ruining Brad alongside his need to have Buddy as a way to atone for his behavior towards Dustin in the past, and try to not be like his father. And getting rid of that source is terrifying because it means a lot of scary things to him. The "us" and "we" keeps forcing that feeling that Marty is part of him, and that it really wants Brad to keep holding on because thats who he is. It is what he has been for so so long and he is terrified of letting go of grief because its what remains of Lisa in his head. And that letting go of Buddy would mean he is losing that opportunity to be the father he needs to be in order to prove he isnt like his father. These two reasons to not let go aren't good! They are not ways he should be living and he HAS to let that go.

But hey, thats not all. Let's get through the sad as fuck analysis okay? It'll get better.

As you descend a long rope as child!Brad you start to read a poem of sorts that I can only assume comes from Lisa. This excerpt also pops up in Joyful...

No friends. No brothers. No fathers. No mothers. Just me.

This gets repeated three times. Its weird but it always made me feel uneasy, and I think that is because it kind of focuses on how Lisa ends up being the core. When you apply this to Brad alone, it connects in the way that Lisa is the center of his grief and how that cancels out so much else in his life. Though i want to point out real quick-- it applies to Buddy in an interesting way that fufills their comparisons with the statues you destroy in Joyful. Very cool. And for Lisa it applies very blatantly. (No friends (Berny), No brothers (Brad), No fathers (Marty), No mothers (her own absent mom))

there is a LOT to this poem and you should look at that text post I linked to read it all. So I am just bringing up a one other part.

Deep below. A dark endless sea. A pain slumbers. One we'll never flee. Give me the strength. Let your memories set us free. So that when next we meet. I may grow into a mighty tree. [...] I know this wasn't easy. Thank you. …And Bradley, Good luck.

Oh yes, a step back to the boss dialog here, it's relevant:

I know you're tired. All this anger. These memories. So many scars. So many mistakes. It all stings… So let it all go. You don't deserve it.

This perfectly reflect points I have made up to this point regarding the way Brad holds onto his grief and even the earliest lines of the boss is trying to show him that. It's interesting that as the very start he's being so forgiving to himself then is devolves into more anger-- but here, once Brad has regressed, Lisa is the one to remind him this. I think its important to recognize how Its not about getting rid of Lisa's memory at all and this poem being spoken from Lisa (assumed) fits that. It isn't easy to recognize or to do this, it takes a whole different kind of strength.

In that text file i transcribed the end conversation between Brad & Lise where Brad says he is going to run away, but I won't be referencing it here... Do read it/watch it though.

If you read this far, good job! Just one more depressing thing though! The actual last thing said in the nightmare is great actually- for story telling. Because of course if this whole dream was trying to show that Brad has let go... well, it would kind of mess up the ending still carrying out with Brad still seeming unchanged.

Bradley, my boy. It's just not that easy. You can't save her. You can't even save yourself. After all… I'm in your veins..

Yes, thats it- thats the last part in the dream, where Brad sees a small flesh-mound Marty in blood. It doesn't ruin the fact Brad had this long ass dream. Its a great look into his mind. And how it entirely loops back. He really just... he really is stuck. You can see how damn hard he tries. But this theme of it being "in your blood" is SO fucking strong and it hurts. Because I think we all know, its not true. You are not fated to become the abuser. But god you can see how hard it truly is to fight what has been beaten into you for so long.

Right.

So looking at the parts where forgiveness are present... This pops up a bit in the new content- from this, too another campfire scene. I think the forgiveness and love sprinkled in is important to notice. A lot of people in Olathe in general are alone and without family. Brad has already been... alone, however. His family situation left him without affection, and an upbringing that left no proper parent to attach to meant he'd already not receive the affection he needed in order to give that to others properly. He had no one, and when he did finally have someone- Dustin- he still never received the love he didn't know he needed because of what was taught to him. And he did it again to Buddy.

This is obvious when you get to the end of the game. When Brad wants buddy to hold him.

And, Queen's dialog with Brad pulls a lot more of that conversation to the surface.

Being held by someone you love is the best feeling in the entire universe. […] These men out here. All this strength. This power. Your respect… you can't take it with you when you die. It wont save you. It doesn't matter how powerful you are. No ideas matter. No experience matters. None of that shit that's consumed you your whole life matters. You're completely naked in the face of death. Its terrifying. Now, a good hug. That matters. Honestly, it ain't gonna change much… dead is dead. But the way i see it. You can die afraid. Lost in your own mind. Haunted by the guilt of all your mistakes. Tormenting nightmares wondering what comes next. Or… you can be in the moment with someone you love. Someone that makes you feel like nothing else matters. Nothing could be more important than feeling each other's warmth and love. No thinking. Just feeling.

Brad's earlier chat included him bringing up how he didnt let Dustin or Buddy get physical affectionate too- theres some earlier chitchat that you may want to see in a video. But honestly the realization of how little affection Brad has received, due to Marty's influence, makes things even more depressing when you see how hard it is to let go.

Everything, everything is tied together. He can't let go. So he cant end the abuse. So he fails to ever change. So he never receives the love he truly wants and needs. By the end of the game, when you have that option to hold him, that new dialog hits even worse. And I don't think it is even to try and sway people into hugging Brad. if anything it kind of just opened up to me why Buddy shouldnt need to hold him. And how it is honestly something so much deeper. His struggle has infected everything he wants in life that he just keeps failing to have.

It depresses him, it discourages him. I can't even find more words to explain how heavy the weight is on someone like Brad after years and years of horrible abuse and never getting the help he so much needed.

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?)

Warning: long. If replying is too exhausting, feel free to ignore this <3 I understand it dw

It's been years and I (f19) still can't talk or think about it for longer times without shaking. I've told quite a few peopleby now and sharing feels good but I wish I could take it back. I hate that I no longer have control about my memories once I've shared them. I am already shaking rn and I want to get over it. I feel my gaze kind of zonig out? Like my pupils are focused on a point that doesn't necessarily exist and everything else fades. People walk behind me or I make eye contact with someone and I suddenly hyperfocus on everything around me, I guess I'd call it episodic hypervigilance but I think that's a ptsd term and I don't want to take that away from them? Like how people use trigger so liberally, I don't want to contribute to taking terms and estranging them from their meaning.

I feel so guilty for constantly thinking people will hurt me if they hug me for a second too long or comment on my outfit or sth. In addition, I've found myself in a fwb situation 1.5 years ago (we were 17 and 19 back then which is legal) where she choked me without asking before. Which was fine because I probably mentioned that I was into that in casual convo before and we were drunk but I was so confused that she didn't ask. I was into it but it bothered me. And after that, I just needed proof that she wanted to assault me. Which isn't fair to her. Like, she wanted to try sth once and I said no and then we had sex later and she asked again while we were having sex and in that situation I couldn't bring myself to refuse. During sex eye contact and talking is difficult for me but I haven't explicitly communicated that to her. She would have definitely accepted a no btw. And I just found myself getting rly drunk on purpose to see if she would have sex with me anyway etc. and it's so messed up and I feel awful for it. There was also another time I explicitlysaid I wasn'tgoing to have sex with her that day and she tried to initiate it like two times anyway and I very clearly said no. After that she got it and I even teased her back because a part of me wanted her to try again, to hurt me and ignore my boundaries I ended the fwb thing eventually and didn't have sex since then, not even with my bf. I kinda think I don't want to? And I definitely don't want to be cruel by just thinking they're going to hurt me. I feel awful. She didn't do anything wrong, I'm so unfair.

Things have been better until recently. I'm trying so hard to just get over it. I go weeks without really thinking about it and then suddenly I remember when I was 15 and he 22 and we talked about moving in together once I start Uni. And I wonder how things would have been if I had stated with him. Sometimes I want to text him but it's gotten a lot better & less frequent. I'm still shaking.

I have had so many nightmares that I don't wake up anymore. I usually don't remember them. When I dream journal or sth I start remembering my dreams and usually they at least have bad elements and have included sa a lot, including me sa'ing other people younger than me and I hate myself for it even if I know it's just my fear.

I haven't had those in like two years though which is amazing. Atm I never remember my dreams and I'm so glad because I don't want to but I'm also so curious?

My memory too. It is foggy and I want to know what happened to me in more detail. But this is getting way too long, sorry :( I guess I'm worried I'm an awful person and I'd just like to be okay again and idk what to do. I feel like I'm too hurt considering it was nccsa and digital. I simultaneously feel like I'm not hurt enough because I have no trauma disorders or sth so maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Trauma is confusing and I hate it.

Hello,

It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of trauma responses. Dissociation, hypervigilance, toxic shame, difficulty communicating, body memories and relationship difficulties are all related to trauma responses.

Whether your psychiatrist/therapist/social worker diagnosed you with them or not. Not meeting the criteria for PTSD doesn't mean no trauma responses are happening. Personally, I might look for a provider who is more trauma-informed if this is something possible for you who might still work on your trauma story even if you don't meet PTSD criteria.

The idea that sharing the specifics of your trauma always makes you feel better is false. Being unable to talk about it without activation and feeling stressed is perfectly normal. And you can't make yourself feel it or not, it's a sign that you are having body memories.

Our bodies will react to the talking about the abuse and cause you to have things like shaking, having a dissociative response (vision changes), and yes hypervigilance. Hypervigilance doesn't only happen if you meet PTSD criteria and it very much sounds like that is what you could be experiencing. No one owns terms like dissociation, triggered or hypervigilance. Using terms incorrectly and or as a joke is when it hurts survivors and you are not doing that so you are not taking anything from anyone.

Someone choking you sexually, without explicit ongoing consent is assault. Talking about something outside of the situation and causally is not consent. Liking a sexual act when it's consented to do and talked about before, but not when it wasn't agreed to thoroughly makes sense. 

Many kink communities wouldn't even have been fine with you being there because you were seventeen. This situation was not you distrusting someone for no reason. What she did is wrong.

It also sounds like there were barriers to you fully enjoying the act, which makes sense in the context of having past sexual trauma and it sounds like you haven't fully talked through what is and isn't wanted in sexual situations. And you struggling with that makes sense, yes it can be good to talk but you're not at fault for having trauma responses during sexual acts.

I understand that things were somewhat better between you, but it does sound like you were not acting healthy. Getting drunk to try and pursue sex is definitely unhealthy behaviour, trying testing people to see what they will do is definitely harmful. It is something to be aware of and trying to get better is important. However, it doesn't make you a bad person as you are working to be better. 

Her trying to convince you to have sex after an explicit no, even if it was "only" two times is not good behaviour. I understand there was some trauma playing up and feeling like you need to be/deserve to be hurt. Her behaviour isn't then okay and you were having trauma responses. 

You are not being unfair, you were hurt in this relationship and being upset about that is normal.

Having memory issues and nightmares are both classic trauma responses. Dissociation can affect memory recall during trauma and nightmares about trauma or trauma-related content are common experiences for trauma survivors. Not being sure if you wished you remembered or not is a very common abuse survivor experience. 

Wondering what would have happened if you had taken other actions is just something common to people in general. That doesn't mean anything other than you're a person.

You can't brute force yourself better. I'm glad you have had periods of being less affected! Working on handling your trauma and working through these hard emotions can move forward to not have these episodes of worse trauma responses as well.

You are not a bad person, your pain is valid, and you deserve help and people to hold your story.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

[pretentiousbrownie]

can I just. ooooouuuuaaaagh for a second? it's been a solid couple of weeks since I was put on ssris for depression and anxiety (currently a low dose, then reevaluating to see if we've achieved the desired effects), and woooouuuuaaaagh, things have been wild (good way)!

first things first; emotional regulation has been back in check - feelings have been more stable and predictable, and my response to things has been proportional to the actual thing itself and not compounded with random, miscellaneous outlying things. good we love :3

I have been *way* more present and focused on things (just in general) - with people, with work, with activities, with reading and processing things, etc. that's huge to me! I've been relatively distant for a while, right? gatherings and activities have made me feel happy, but I just wasn't all there for them :/ now I feel like I am, or at least *more* so than before!

kinda with that, I've been able to tackle things with a sense of vigor and enthusiasm that hasn't been around for *longer than I care to admit*, so that's definitely an improvement ^.^ I can just sorta roll outta bed and do stuff !! sleep schedule has still been wonky, but it's slowly falling back into place and if/when I wake during the night, falling back asleep isn't as much of a chore/hopeless endeavor, so I'm definitely hoping that's a good sign

(also, dreams are back, and just about as lucid as they used to be, which for me is an awesome sign of my mental health - I've always been a vivid and fairly lucid dreamer, and when I lose touch with or stop dreaming, that's never a good sign for me. but heeeeey, they're back, so yippeeeeeee!!)

next up! in the general day-to-day, things like lucidity in speech (general cohesion and comprehension, how articulate I am, how willing and able I am to interact, the level of spoons I have to draw on, and the relative energy associated with each spoon) are all up! I cannot emphasize enough just how much this is an improvement; I love interacting with people. I used to be quite the extroverted personality, interacting freely w/ people, often unprompted, very chatty, and more than happy to engage in any random convo! it hasn't been that way for a while now, and even doing things like making phone calls had been putting quite the damper on my spirits and energy whenever I had to make them (which is usually pretty often w/ work and whatnot). now? little to no dread! muuuuch less energy expenditure! even if I am awkward or don't accurately connect with social cues, I'm less upset by that and can just power through calls again!

like hell yeah, we're back!!

obviously, they've had the intended effects; depression has been held at bay. anxiety isn't really as present, or is at least way more manageable. I'm more effective at work, I'm more present with my family, I'm able to give more of myself to any type of situation, I'm losing less time, I have more energy on tap, I crash less, I have to motivation to just kinda tackle things, and I don't think "no" or "not right now" has even really crossed my mind much lately - huuuuge w!

and on like a waaaaay more personal note - I kinda figured depression and anxiety and all the things rolling around my noggin could affect things like sex drive and all that too, right? like yeah, it makes sense

I may be thoroughly aroace, but I've always been super sex-positive, only lately I've just been unwilling and honestly unable to reciprocate, until now! like holy shit! having an actual sex drive again? fucking wild?? like girl, we are *so* back!!

(also also, sorry if you've been seeing my mass strings of rebagles that have been spicy/spicy adjacent - I've always enjoyed *art*, but now that I'm kinda getting that aspect of myself back, I'm like hey, I actually relate to the content, so shareeeeeee the arrrrrrts wahooo!)

but yeah no, it's been insane. it kinda came back and hit like a truck after god knows how long, and honestly, it's just been wild. teeheheheehe, it's a nice feeling to have

and hey, I've been lasting longer, so I know I'm not the only one happy with the change teehehehee ^.^

all this to say hey, I guess I didn't realize just how much my depression and anxiety and who knows what else has been affecting me, until it didn't? sure, they're still there, but it's like they stuck waiting in a perpetual queue at the dmv instead of beating me over the head with a bat, so that's nice :3

wish I'd done this sooner

now it's gonna be an issue of tackling my doctor (not literally, but eh, close) - gonna have to find a new pcp that doesn't believe hrt and gender-affirming care are "wrong"

but baby steps I guess

we'll get there soon enough !!

okay, love ya, ty for sticking around for this whole things

byeeeee!!