#and we were like great! none of us were involved here tho lmao

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

have finally reached that "staying out too late with friends" stage of life but the staying out late is the aftershow party of a theatre play and honestly i wouldn't have it any other way. and also! i made contact! relatively young person me n my friend clicked with (they work there and they're also queer and neurodivergent so. got along great) and we also taltled longer with that one actor i admire in every play i've seen him perform in and he's such a chill guy. theatre people are all so cool. it's So Cool

[scattered-winter]

ohhhh unpopular opinion rating!! lmao ok i will just let out saggome things cuz i too need to bitch to somebody, feel free to ignore this if you ain't feeling this tho ❤️ laugh love etc xD

1.) i liked the donor-not-dad storyline because it showed that no matter the circumstances of your conception and birth, you deserve to be loved unconditionally by your parents. i think that this will ultimately help buck to find peace with his own backstory 😭

2.) buck id not regress for choosing to date natalia?! we saw buck happily choose to only have an armchair for months after taylor (meaning he was okay with being alone), and he happily accepted his parents buying him a couch (showing that they are closer and buck is happy to have them in his life more). he went at his own pace, and we clearly see that by immediately choosing to get a new couch after the childbirth, he is finally at a place where he is ready for somebody new in his life. plus, he is the one buying his own couch, simply inviting natalia along, which is a beautiful metaphor imo

3.) alternatively, choosing eddie's couch would have been a regression even though buddies love to ignore that. buck said his past girlfriends "came with couches", meaning that those couches were not his in the first place and that none of them truly met them where he is at. we see that well with buck having no couch because taylor took hers with her when she left. buck choosing somebody else's couch again would have shown that he has not learned a lesson. so there.

3.) i think that natalia coming off strong at first is actually paralleling buck perfectly? he comes off strong, overshares often, and tends to overwhelms others. people judge her for it but… buck did worse in their second date lmao

4.) natalia stepping into buck's scary mess during the childbirth scene showed literally and metaphorically how she was willing to accept all of buck, his life and past and baggage

5.) the characters saying shit does not mean they are all-knowing! 🙄 yes, eddie said that meeting people on a call is bad, but we also know that bobby and athena met on a call and are endgame. we see these characters contradicting themselves a lot because that's how humans are. the fandom gotta stop taking the characters' words like the word of a god. the narrative's entire point is to teach them (and us) that their way of thinking may be bullshit sometimes

6.) i liked the finale. lmao 😂

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

SAY ALL THAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! god you're so right especially with the buddie/natalia stuff ohh my godfddd. gonna respond to these in the order u said them btw <3 because u have SO many good thoughts here and I wanna get into them

1) I also love the sperm donor storyline!! I was a little squicked at first but that was more of a "this arc has sexual themes involving pregnancy that make me, personally, kind of uncomfortable for ace reasons" than anything else. but once I got past that I LOVE what it's done for buck's arc!! and in the finale when he literally held a baby that he helped create in his arms, and the grief was tangible on his face, and then he handed the kid over to kameron??? POETIC CINEMA. I LOVE HOW THAT STORYLINE WRAPPED UP <333 and when he told connor to just love the kid?? when we all know how he was raised??????? auigghhh <33

2) and onto the couch thing!! I actually missed most of his dialogue w natalia at the end of the ep because I was still shaking from the stress and intensity of the emergency BUT I LOVE THAT!?!?!?! how he's choosing his own couch but letting her come along!?!? and that's such a great point about the metaphor of him being in a place where HE'S ready for someone in his life. and so he's letting her in but he's choosing his own couch because he understands everything the couch metaphor has been saying all this time. on GOD you are making me a bucktalia fan I'm obsessed with them <3

2.1). there's a phenomenon in this fandom where fans will outright ignore things in canon/twist it to fit the Buddie Agenda and the WORST thing is that the buddie subsection of this fandom is like a fucking HIVEMIND. the theories are made, sometimes even taking canon and twisting it around to Fit Buddie, and then everyone just takes it and runs with it. everyone freaks out abt the couch theory in particular. so you hit the nail exactly on the head with the couch metaphor thing because everyone LOOOVES to say buck needs to choose eddie's couch but that's exactly what he did with taylor!! and abby!!!! and everyone else!! just because it's eddie doesn't mean he's not just another relationship in a long line of relationships!!!! it's just. very telling how the fandom has blinders on when it comes to buddie. and yeah sure fandom is for crazy theories and having fun with them but there comes a point where the crazy theories are completely overtaking the entire fucking fandom so people who want to enjoy other characters just. can't.

3). well see the reason why natalia gets bashed for coming off strong but buck doesn't when he's literally done worse (I love him but it's true) is because natalia isn't only a Woman, she's A Woman In The Way Of Buddie. so clearly her only role in the story is as an antagonist who is actively trying to hurt buck 🤪 <- sarcasm. and also buck is the Fandom Sweetheart Who Can Do No Wrong so. there u go.

4). exactly!!!! I also think there's something to be said for natalia the death doula, who first connected with buck over death, walking in and visibly making that metaphor of rejoining his life even with all the wildness, during a birth. aka thee most powerfully symbolic act of life + new beginnings that exists. I don't remember the details exactly but I think she might have even helped deliver the baby, which just kinda makes me even more 👀 at the symbolism there <333 I'm LITERALLY becoming a bucktalia fan purely because of this ask because ur takes are soooooooo <333333333

5). YES!!!!!!!!!! I'd also like to add that for eddie, it's TRUE that people he meets on calls aren't necessarily great partners. he'd met ana before, of course, but it was when they bumped into each other on the call where they actually started seeing each other as a romantic interest. and well we all know how that turned out. so when eddie says this I strongly believe that that's why!! but you're exactly right when you say it's not necessarily the case!! eddie's just one guy, who has been affected by this in a certain way, and so of course he's saying that that's the given outcome because it's what happened to him!!!! but bobby and athena met on a call, and so did hen and athena, but both of those relationships are strong and solid!! imo eddie is a very unreliable narrator here because the thing with ana probably still stings, so he's just saying things without really thinking through that they might not be true for other people like bathena, and could potentially be untrue for others as well. there's just. an insane amount of fandom illiteracy the SECOND either buck or eddie are involved because all anyone can ever talk about is how much they want them to kiss. and also you're so RIGHT that people take things characters say as gospel truth when they're LITERALLY just people in a story.

6). YESSSSSS IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!!! honestly it's probably one of my fav episodes!!!!! my ONE SINGULAR gripe is that there wasn't a lot of time spent recovering, even for chim, eddie, and hen, who all had fairly severe injuries. they were all at the hospital one second, and then there was a time skip and they were all walking around fit as a fiddle. however I understand that they thought it was gonna be The Finale so they wanted to wrap up everyone's arcs as best as they could, and they didn't really have enough time to put in everything that they wanted to put. so the gripe is a minor one, and besides, I've added some ideas to the list of fic to write <3

send me an unpopular opinion and I'll rate it!!

[cloveroctobers]

ELLADINE SARABI

IG info/bio: @/ellasardineabi | 18.5k followers | Artist | i was born with glass bones and paper skin♡

25 years old

Born & raised in Cardiff, Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Father was in the n*vy and moved his family around a few times until he and his wife came to a agreement that it would be best for the family to grow up in one solid place

whereas he would leave for months at a time living elsewhere

Which was hard on the family at times since he is viewed as the rock of the family

He eventually left the n*vy after serving 20 years & was so thankful to, he hated it and how it messed with him mentally

He’s also of Iranian heritage

Her mother is of German heritage

Has her own restaurant that serves authentic German food

Both of her parents instilled hard work, discipline, generosity, and how to be practical in their children

Elladine is the middle child

Has a brother that is ten years older than her and then a younger sister who is seven years behind her

Canon: there is currently a discussion going on if they are going to bring their (maternal) nan/mam-gu home since the nursing home isn’t providing the proper care their nan needs

Her mother has a rocky relationship with her mother that she doesn’t like to discuss with her children but her husband knows all about it

Her nan has Alzheimer's and is becoming violent

it has become difficult seeing her most days

Elladine came into glassblowing after being involved in many classes in secondary such as workshop class

which became her fav since she was able to manipulate many materials such as metal, wood, and glass

She also took a auto body class which was interesting but she wasn’t too thrilled about it. Got away with a B- but knew she could do better if she really wanted to but she didn’t need the class to graduate so allow it

Currently works in a glass studio where her work is displayed/sold and she’s one of the main ones that makes great profit

has bought her own space for her own studio and is slowly making it to her liking with her assistant, yes she’s got one!

Hopes to be in that space within the next 6 months...it would have been a little sooner if we weren’t dealing with a global p*ndemic!!! but ya know life f*cking sucks sometimes!!!1!!:) especially if people don’t gaf

Moved back in with her parents so that she could not only help with her nan but get her studio ready, her parents approved since she was working towards something and realized her talent

I definitely see elladine going through a grunge phase and it probably still slips out every now and then lol

Her childhood room is still in shades of raspberry, gray, and a deep purple

always been plus-sized/fuller than the rest but it’s literally hereditary since her mom is built the same way who got it from her dad

Her family never made her feel ashamed as they shouldn’t and none of her true friends made her feel different since they were all of different sizes!!! besides who’s really friends with someone because of their bodies? Ur really ugly if that’s how u roll js

Always a respectful student and not too afraid to spark up a convo with you but can be a little nervous if the person is more of a “I have to warm up to you first” since she’ll feel like she’s annoying you if she carries the convo at first

Takes her time in relationships because she’s scared of getting hurt, cause breakups are not fun! Especially if theyre your friend on top of that

Although Friendship breakups are much worse let’s be honest here!!!

Has noticed that a few of her exes like to bring up that she’s controlling or too bossy in relationships and that makes her a little insecure since she doesn’t view it that way??

She knows what she wants and likes things a certain way, and she can see how it can kinda come off that way based on how she approaches/says things and tries to be better at toning it down and not being offensive to her significant others

Always has a plan and likes to follow it, she definitely keeps to-do lists on a daily

Takes trips to see Nicky often and vice-versa, every moment they spend together feels like it’s meant to be, even when it’s them just simply chilling in each other’s spaces, he’s truly one of her best friends and he feels like the missing part of her life

He offered for her to move in with him but elladine didn’t accept it since she wanted to be there to help with her nan and in fact—she wanted to be the one to ask HIM to move in with her

but if they make it long enough, they’ll go house hunting together...maybe

I get Shawn/Angela relationship vibes from them (boy meets world for those who aren’t aware of this couple and I’m not just saying this because they’re interracial as well lol) did I say this already about someone else? Brain fart lol

everyone relationship has their flaws so when they hit a bump in the road...elladine immediately wants to fix it but it comes off as more critiquing, moodiness/blaming the other

while Nicky can be defensive/argumentive/a little condescending on his end

To get through it, they normally go on a walk together in complete silence until they’re ready to speak again or they take a break from each other

I think words of affirmation is her love language

Taurus sun + Virgo moon + Capricorn rising?

“The girl on the motorcycle” is one of her fav films — no this is not metaphoric to her love life

Loves watching things with captions on since she always finds herself doing something else while watching anything (which irks Nicky a little bit but that’s just the way elladine is and he loves her so he deals with it)

Will rewind something if she missed it too

Canon: never had morning sex before

but can now say she has ;) & understands the pros people say about it and it outweighs the cons in her book

Will start the whole song over too if she missed her fav part in it

She also enjoys billiards since her brother used to work in a pool hall and when he had to watch her because she was “too young” in her words to stay home by herself he would take her there even tho technically she wasn’t supposed to be there but he was screwing his boss’s daughter so it was quite fine

her sister has a crush on Gary & ships elladine with him, which they joke about every now and then + he doesn’t follow her back, which is okay! Not a big deal but her sister keeps sliding in his dms (he’s now single)

She NEVER thought she would be on THE love island and wasn’t that confident that she’d find a real love that carried on outside of the show but Nicky has proven her wrong 🥲

She’s 5’5–5’6

Probably shops at Zara & top shop and has no issue picking pieces that flatter her “pear” figure, she loves all that is of her body: the pudge, love handles, cellulite and all (she’s very confident and won’t let anyone see her moments of doubt when it comes to her frame)

Loves mythology but will tell bill stfu if he comes near her trying to argue about anything in that subject

Very competitive and will rush through certain things, leaving one to think that she’ll fail somewhere but rarely does

If she’s not near or away from the mountains or the sea for long period of time she gets very moody!!! Guess that’s the Welsh in her huh?

Loves fireplaces, they’re super cozy and very romantic if you catch ella’s drift 😏

Probably smells like jasmine & pink pepper idk

Wants to travel to Iceland one day

Knows her way around a car but dreads having to get it fixed or fixing it herself?

Loves driving until her road rage kicks in? Oh you’re gonna go around her to get in front of her? Never that. She’ll always be in front of you and will break check you if you try her “Drewgi” she mutters

Early riser and goes to bed early too lol

She’s the crying drunk lmao

Automatically vieve has become one of her best friends from the villa but it deff didn’t feel forced like it normally would have just because their bfs have a podcast together, they talk about everything together. EVERYTHING! It feels like she’s the big sister she never had, yet they’re only a year apart lol

They have ft sleepovers and man is it fun!

Forgave lily but at the same time can’t fully see herself being friends with her like vieve tried to encourage before they went on the yacht...sorry everything can’t be Kumbaya over here sis

It sucks to say but it was easier? She doesn’t know if that’s the right term or not... for her to forgive rafi than it was lily and it’s fucked up but that’s the way it is. It’s not like she contacts him on seperate messages or anything like that! She’ll talk to him via group chat and that’s pretty much it. She knows it was all part of the show and production’s bs for ratings but that doesn’t mean it still didn’t hurt

Wishes him success on his shows/movies but doesn’t engage/watch them

What does she post? I feel like she posts maybe three times a month and a lot are outfit pics but tends to go live more so to chat with the people! She’ll also show all what glassblowing entails while chatting away! She loves that part and is pretty open about things but knows how to keep some things private

Personally wasn’t the biggest fan of season 1 but admits she wishes she had mc’s balls in terms of what she would have done if she was in elladine’s place when lily picked Nicky, “ugh! I wish I had her strength rising through my veins in that moment. Absolute riot. Adore her.”

‘“Licky” is a ugly ass ship name anyways so who’s really winning here?!’

Celeb crushes? Iwan Rheon, Henry Zaga, Anthony Welsh, jason derulo, & LaRoyce Hawkins

Listens to: soleima, Marisa Maino, Ava Max, poppy, Caroline polachek, Donny Hathaway, Phil Good, & SAINt JHN

Anthem — M.I.A. “Bad Girls”

[angelhummel]

Unpopular opinion

So I sat down to analysis the different seasons and decide which I like best, and I remain torn.

Season 1. Really great comedy bits including one line quotes. The first half of two thirds seemed to be all Rachel or Finn or Will or goddamn teenage pregnancy. It really was at its best when it was a Kurt’s story and all the brilliance that is Chris Colfer. Musically, it wasn’t the best though there are some very fine performances- mostly involving Kurt or Mercedes.

Season 2 I loved this season mainly because of Kurt, Blaine and the delight that became Klaine. Love everything Blaine and Warblers were involved in, Kurt’s magnificence again (As if we never said goodbye is just out of this world). A really good strong season.

Season 3 I loved the music throughout this season - so many highlights from the vast majority of the ND. But I agree that there were too many characters, too many sub plots, and in so many episodes the plot seemed just to revolve round the particular song they wanted to use. No continuity of storyline in many cases.

Season 4. I know this season gets a lot of hate but I think musically, there are so many gems. Obviously the Break Up was traumatic, but so on point musically. I really wasn’t invested in the newbies - love Unique completely and loved Jacob’s performances but wasn’t bothered about rest. Loved the episodes where Klaine were involved, I do and Girls(and boys) on film and fun episodes like Dynamic Duets, Diva and Guilty Pleasures. But hated so many of the rest, particularly the tail end.

Season 5. First half - loved the brilliance of the two Beatles episodes. Oh Klaine.... loved the Quarterback tribute, but then the Lima part just started to get tedious. I am out of the closet in respect of my love for the Puppet Master, but then I love Blaine and Darren is just great at comedy. Second half in NY was better, but couldn’t it just have one episode of domesticity and not arguments or drama? It really felt like a different writer every week and the remit was Klaine arguing. And the Rachel story just dragged on....

Season 6 The train crash.... though painful to watch episode 1, 3 and 5 was Chris and Darren at their absolute acting best. Great build up to A Wedding, but then I just got bored with the rest of the season. Absolute no nos - Blainofsky, Sue and Will’s vendetta, even Rachel/Will silibess, Sam idiocy, Child Star etc Musicalky this was very weak. Would have loved to have heard all the alumni sing more.

Phew -,sorry to ramble , this is just how I see the seasons!!!

Well I recently redid my own ranking of the seasons here so I’ll just go through this like a normal multi-opinion “unpopular opinion” post to agree or disagree lol. (Also seriously, never apologizing for rambling in my inbox! I’m happy for every long ass post I get, even if it takes me a while to answer!)

Season 1 - Neutral. I said this one was my absolute favorite but honestly it’s probably neck and neck with s5 for me. Even tho for the most part it was focused on characters that I’m not crazy about, it was still a fun watch for me. I just think there was something more simple and enjoyable about it in that first season where it was more offbeat. Wasn’t trying too hard to be woke or preachy or whatever. There’s still some offensive humor that makes me cringe or roll my eyes but idk. It was more offbeat and almost parody-like and I respect it for that. Also obviously I agree with Kurt storylines and Kurtcedes music moments being the highlights 

Season 2 - Agree. Again, there’s a surprising amount of stuff I dislike this season. But we have Kurt, we have Blaine, we have Klaine, we have the Warblers. You can’t hate this season

Season 3 - Strongly Agree. I hate this season lmao. Your critiques are mild but 100% valid

Season 4 - Agree. Literally I forget that Wonderful exists bc it’s sandwiched between so many shitty episodes. I forget there’s a good episode there at the end lmao. I love the newbies even if their drama is painfully droll and hard to get through. I honestly hate The Break Up lmao but on music alone, it’s probably the best of the season. There’s some episodes I really like but honestly I think I’m in the minority here. I know a lot of the most popular episodes that season, I’m not really a fan of :/

Season 5 - Agree. I adore this season, idk what else to say. New New York is my #1 episode over all, and I love all the NY stuff. There are a small handful of eps I can do without but my love for the rest of it overshadows that completely

Season 6 - Strongly Agree. One of the definite highlights of the season is just Darren and Chris being amazing actors. The improvised scene in the elevator?? And also lots of great Klaine kisses. I hate the majority of episodes this season, and even the ones I tolerate aren’t any higher than like 70s-80s in my episode ranking. The music is SO WEAK (except for Jagged Little Tapestry, the songs in that one are FIRE) and the humor just doesn’t work for me. None of it works for meee I hate it (:

[mieczyhale]

a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately

soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!

also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.

so

yeah

on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks

we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone) 

having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise)  my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better

i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.

josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy

trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)

ummm.....

OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough. 

so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol) 

lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.

i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so. 

but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.

SO

THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT

i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie) 

oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.

i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

[authoratmidnight]

For the "shit to ask people who write" thingy: 2, 4-5. 10-11, 19, 21

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Oh, I have one for this actually. This was for a story (original stuff) I wrote a looooong time ago. The two leads were supposed to be love interests. One of them did develop feelings for the other. But the other character, the MAIN CHARACTER. Just would not fucking develop feelings for the other guy aside from ‘friends’. It just, was not happening. And every way I tried just felt, hella forced. So, it ended up a sadly one-sided set of feelings.

Tho I *did* end up after the fact managing to write an alternate end that did accomplish the beginnings of this (and kept them both alive cause uh oops the og end had them both die)

4. what are some of examples of storytelling that inspires you outside of books?

The worldbuilding in Avatar the Last Airbender is just, it’s so good and so well done and so intricate. God I wish I could world build like that.

Also the super tight writing in FMA (the manga and Brotherhood). It’s so fucking *tight* and well wrapped up. Everything connects, there’s like, nothing left unresolved by the end and it’s just, I heckin love it ok? Also it’s world building is hella.

5. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Oh man. I’d have to dig through my stuff. Possibly writing Damien’s story. Damien was an OC I had created a LONG ASS time ago for RPing. But they RPs with him just kept fucking dying. So I said ‘fuck it’ and retired my boy from that life but I didn’t stop creating for him. I’ve got a fair amount of stuff for him planned out I just, haven’t done anything with it.

Idk why I haven’t written it yet, aside from there being a few gaping holes I haven’t filled and not really having a PLOT aside from ‘Damien’s life’.

10. do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

LMAO no, no I don’t. Just whenever inspiration/the mood strikes me.

11. if you currently write fanfiction or have ever written fanfiction, please tell us about the plot of the first fic you ever wrote

Well, if we want THE very first fanfiction I wrote then it would be a pokemon fanfic I wrote back when I was uhhh, however old I was when the anime came out over here. The plot was *very* basic.

A group of pokemon researchers/scientists discover a mysterious egg in the mountains so they bring it back to study it/protect it from poachers/hunters who’d want it. Then it hatches and SURPRISE it’s a baby Articuno. And they release it back into the wild (after I think driving off some rare pokemon hunters)

I even did illustrations for it too. And the entire word count was, probably less that this entire ask tbh. It was very basic. It’s probably floating around somewhere too b/c god knows im a packrat who can’t get rid of anything. Esp my writing.

19. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

Uhh, hmmm. Well I learned that head trauma cause seizures (even if you’ve never had them before). I also learned what a Japanese highschool graduation ceremony looks like.

And, it honestly depends. Sometimes I say ‘fuck it’ to accuracy and wing it but sometimes I’ll do some research (like when I wrote that one fic involving Takeru having DID, I wanted to know some things to avoid doing and also looked up anecdotes from people who do have it so I did some some research)

21. BIG ask: what do you think is the most important component of a good story?

Characters. Likeable ones. Esp your fucking MAIN CHARACTER. Since you know, the story is about them.

You can have a really great plot and setting and a fantastic writing style but like, if your characters, esp the main one, are unlikeable pieces of garbage, then your story is going to suck. That’s not to say they have to be GOOD people, no, you can write a story from the POV of a villain who can be the biggest piece of scum in the universe and the story can still be good.

Like, when the narrative (the author) says ‘this character is nice’ but then the writing and the character’s actions show the exact opposite. You don’t say ‘this character is a good character’ then turn around and show them being a horrible person to other characters and expect me to like them. Don’t do that. If they’re supposed to be nice, show’em being nice.

(The first example that comes to mind is the protagonist from the House of Night series of books. I’m following a blog that’s going through this series book by book and tl;dr the books insist the main character is a ‘good person’ and ‘so likeable’ despite showing her being rude, lazy, shallow, judgmental, a hypocrite, constantly slut shaming other characters while simultaneously cheating on her romantic partners, being low key racist and just, not a likeable character, yet we’re supposed to believe she’s such a perfect and kind hearted person and insisting she’s none of the things I just listed)

Tl;dr, I gotta fuckin like your protagonist, regardless of if they’re hero or villain, or else I’ll have no interest in continuing the story.

[tcmpcral]

full name.  basil

pronunciation. technically BAY-zil but my dumb disney-loving brain defaults to BA-zil lmao nicknames. dumbass, dumb as ass (these are, of course, all lovingly given to him by his brothers) titles.  basil the kicker, ‘our kicking basil’ courtesy of roh height.  5′11-6″

age. 23ish

zodiac. leo languages. whatever language they speak on his planet plus a few others

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.  red, white eye colour. black with yellow sclera skin tone.   body type.  very athletic and toned, but a little bit wiry tbh accent.  like majora below, he’d technically have one to an earthling’s ear, but they wouldn’t be able to place it dominant hand.  left posture. confident. has a definite swagger to his gait, and he sometimes tends to lean on one hip when he stands. other times, he simply has a very open, fearless stance scars. what scars he has are covered by fur tattoos. none most noticeable features. the fact he aint got no clothes on >:u possibly his doe eyes, which gives him a markedly more ‘innocent’-looking expression compared with his brothers

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  currently unnamed planet in U9 hometown.  an overpopulated city where it was easy for him and his brothers to ‘disappear’ quite often from under ‘human services’ noses birth weight / height.  he has no idea manner of birth.  just. the usual, i guess :v first words.  it was probably something like ‘bermo’ which was his babyish way of saying  ‘bergamo’ lmao siblings.  lavender, older brother, bergamo, oldest brother parents.  his father died at some point before he was born, so he has no memories of him. his mother either died or was separated from the three around the time basil was one to two years old (which means i need to edit A Thing i wrote recently rip), so his memories of her are fuzzy and nondescript parental involvement.  he was loved by his mother and treated overtly affectionately by her from the time he was born-- however, his time with her was short. from her disappearance on, he was raised by his older brothers, who did their best of course, but likely fell short in various ways

ADULT LIFE

occupation.   ??? whatever it is, it’s not fully legal current residence.  a small apartment with his brothers. thanks to a certain god’s influence, it’s a little more luxurious on the inside than one might expect based on its outward appearance close friends.  uhhh. his brothers. minca, at one point. and probably again eventually. otherwise, he has various. uh. basically casual drinking buddies, so i’m not sure he’d consider them close relationship status.  single financial status.  it’s okay. paycheck to paycheck, but. again, thanks to a certain god, he and his brothers are able to live rather comfortably driver’s license. unfortunately, yes  criminal record.  Yes vices.  impulsive, short-tempered, has a tendency to be irreverent without entirely meaning to (not that he’s not Trying to be, just that he’s not thinking about it), lacks common sense a lot 

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.   he personally identifies as heterosexual but tbh it’s bc he’s only had one girlfriend and hasn’t really thought about his sexuality in great depth. i could honestly see him being bisexual romantic orientation.   ??? preferred emotional role.  submissive |  dominant  | switch  |  unsure preferred sexual role.  submissive | dominant | switch  |  sex repulsed libido.  h-hahaa er. High turn ons.  i don’t. know yet tbh turn offs.  anything too Out There love language.  how do i. explain it. it’s not affectionate exactly, but it would be very obvious to his partner that he likes them, bc there’d be signs like his face lighting up whenever he spotted them in a room, or the fact that he invites them to go with him everywhere, that he’d rather spend time with them than with his drinking buddies, etc. he doesn’t actually do a lot of PDA, i think, bc i tend to see him as being a little more immature than that tbh, but there’d definitely be signs of affection and. adoration there relationship tendencies.  basil, at this point in his life, just wants someone he can have fun with. he doesn’t want commitment, he doesn’t want to think about the future (unless it involves daydreaming about visiting cool places)-- all he cares about is the now, and how he can have fun in the now. as such, he’s drawn toward those with like values and desires, and would be turned off by someone who seemed intent on ‘changing him into a better man’ or something similar

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. here we go again, renegades hobbies to pass the time.  sparring/fighting, drinking, parties, tagging along with his brothers, causing mischief mental illnesses.  avoidant behaviors but lbr mostly none physical illnesses.  none left or right brained.  right-brained fears.  failure, disappointing his brothers, losing his brothers, embarrassing himself in a way he can’t Come Back From self-confidence level.  ehh, tbh, it’s mostly high. he probably gets down on himself at times when he thinks he’s done something exceedingly stupid, but for the most part, he thinks pretty highly of himself vulnerabilities.  don’t. don’t pull his tail, that hurts. his loyalty to his brothers, the secret feelings he keeps to himself about his childhood if anyone ever figured them out tbh, his fears that he really is kind of dumb

full name.  majora pronunciation. MAH-zheruh nicknames. nurse baobei (an old one from shosa that majora absolutely hates to be called in public these days. not that he. loved it to begin with) titles.  has an officer’s rank of some kind? does that count height.  5′8ish

age. Advanced (TM) no sorry i just haven’t decided how he ages compared to humans yet :v

zodiac. capricorn n/a languages. whatever language his planet/region uses, as well as a few neighboring ones

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.  olive green, white eye colour. ???? skin tone.   body type.  slender, slim, but toned. certain joints like his wrists and ankles are very thin and frail-looking, however accent.  he’d have one to an earthling’s ear, but it’d be hard to place dominant hand.  right posture. generally straight, tho sometimes a little slouchy just bc he’s tired. while he was a military nurse, he wasn’t required to complete any kind of military training, so he doesn’t have the perhaps expected ‘soldier posture’ scars. what scars he does have are easily hidden by fur. has a scar on his upper abdomen leftover from a splenectomy tattoos. none most noticeable features. his ears are huuuuge

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  some planet in U4 lmao hometown.  a currently unnamed city on the coast. presently lives in a mountainous region in the northern part of the country/planet he lives on birth weight / height.  ~6 pounds, ~19 inches manner of birth.  something akin to twilight sleep first words.  it was ‘pig’ bc he witnessed one of his older sisters calling another child the term as an insult siblings.  four other siblings (two older sisters, one younger sister, one younger brother is the baby. he is the third oldest of five, right smack dab in the middle). his eldest sister is deceased. he is mostly estranged from the others and only sees them occasionally throughout the year parents.  Mother: jima Father: rougu, i haven’t quite decided what it was that they did just yet but whatever it was left them rather well-off financially, enough so that they were able to allow their children to pursue whatever interests and hobbies they desired (assuming they were proper, of course). their beliefs were steeped in traditions and conventional wisdom, and these are what majora grew up with and probably still to some degree practices to this day parental involvement.  somewhat negligent once he hit a certain age and was capable of helping with younger siblings and household chores, etc. his parents never were particularly affectionate with him, tho they encouraged certain interests of his (...martial arts, mostly) while discouraging others they felt tarnished his (read: their) reputation. this was especially true as he grew into his preteen and teen years and began showing behaviors they didn’t like

ADULT LIFE

occupation.   retired; former nurse current residence.  lives in a communal apartment setup. he lives at the end of the hall, is able to claim he has the largest room of the floor, and also has a nice little balcony attached to his room as well that he shares with the newly-married couple who live in the room next to him (who i’ve named chuan and cori). he’s quite fond of his living arrangement, despite what he may occasionally say otherwise close friends.  ..........shosa. that’s it. that’s literally it relationship status.  single financial status.  he survives on retiree and disability benefits........ but altogether, it’s not bad driver’s license. doesn’t need one. both. bc the city he lives in is compact enough to be able to walk everywhere and bc. Blind lmao  criminal record.  lots of curfew and truancy violations as a teen fjfiea;g  vices.  proud, aloof, withdrawn, set in his ways, stubborn, self-sabotaging

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.   generally identifies as homosexual romantic orientation.   homoromantic probably preferred emotional role.  submissive |  dominant  | switch  |  unsure preferred sexual role.  submissive | dominant | switch  |  sex repulsed libido.  middles toward low, even when coupled, but he’s not repulsed by any means turn ons.  ....like basil i’m. not entirely sure yet turn offs.  treating him like a doll?? does that make sense, listen he might like to dress up but don’t treat him like a mannequin. and don’t take advantage of the fact that he can’t see what he’s putting on, that should be obvious. Anything without his permission, ignoring his discomfort if it comes up, not letting him know what you’re doing before you do it gdi love language.  kinda stiff and awkward in the beginning, but he softens up soon enough. he never does get to be the type who is outwardly affectionate and forthcoming about his feelings, and particularly in public, will seem very distant and cool to his partner, but he is definitely the sort to enjoy being around a partner and seek their company quite often, whether it’s to accompany them about the town or simply to relax at home

relationship tendencies.  truthfully, romance just isn’t on his mind much these days, but he’s always gravitated toward those that he could spend time with and not necessarily worry all the time. he’s not like basil and wants only to live in the present, but he does need something or someone to ground him in the present, or he thinks himself into a nervous frenzy about the future, particularly nowadays at his age and at his level of dependence on others. he worries occasionally that he’s too much of a burden, and that his efforts to decrease his status as a burden only exacerbate it

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. cleopatra hobbies to pass the time.  fishing, listening to music/the radio, playing music occasionally (usually when he’s been left in charge of kids and they’re being little hellions rip), going to see plays and operas (even if he can’t appreciate the sets or costumes anymore, he can still enjoy the stories and acting, he supposes) mental illnesses.  none tbh physical illnesses.  some kind of anemia (think pernicious anemia), which results in fatigue and body aches, compromised immune system left or right brained.  left-brained mostly fears.  death, losing another sense, various small fears related to his blindness and his resulting vulnerability, being helpless/a burden, convalescent homes self-confidence level.  relatively high to moderate while he keeps his independence. when he makes mistakes or otherwise flubs up bc of his blindness, it tends to crash a little vulnerabilities.  his fear of both dying and debility/helplessness, frequent refusal to accept help, obviously he. uh. can’t see, tho his other senses help him out to some degree there, 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@uberoll-oystercrackers late night (early morning?) posting here but this is super nice ty and also again retroactively thank you additionally for all the long replies & kind tags you give

like really yeah it’s like, on the one hand, it’s fairly sucky having to have this thing where im always jumping the gun on considering someone Maybe An Friend and then having to remind myself / be reminded of the fact that like no probably not, which is true and yet sucks, which is just how some stuff is!! like sometimes stuff just is Not Good and is not ever going to Not Hurt, despite the fact you can kinda get better at living with it. and like this one isnt a huge deal even tho the larger problem of when ur like, lonely &/or isolated is kind of a whole real deal……

like it’s strange having these contradictory problems with it…..like, Being Myself has never really just been something i can Naturally do, so even just trying to be nice is like oh lord am i being ~manipulative~, and im always too prone to treat interactions like ive got to placate the other person, and then also just like….not having amazing social skills anyways in the sense that i know a lot of times i come across ~off~ to people and can’t really do a lot about that, but also, i feel like i’m always overcompensating for like, enthusiasm and just the fact i like to Get Silly and maybe i’ll act too cool~n~collected or come off like im trying to be all Smart and Smarmy and like jeez no……it doesnt help that when i was younger i generally preferred interacting with adults and so probably was trying to come across as clever and when i was wanting someone to like me i’d be real nervous and try to go too hard in seeming the opposite lol……oh the legacy of the time i found out my mom’s childhood friend who was funny and cool to us thought i was bookish (true) but like also snobby or something lmao like ah jeez i probably made too many sarcastic jokes about things….but oh well i was just like 10-ish at the time.

anyways tho i feel like that still kicks in and when i get the sense someone is cool and it’d be cool if they thought i was cool too i’m like Well So Then i gotta PLAY it cool!! and then like oh no am i coming across as a jerk? or an trying-to-be-an-intellectual?? i always have a lot of thoughts and i do go off when its like, also tied in to Opinions of mine, so im like, oh no am i coming across as trying to tell someone i think they should think exactly this?? or if i try to Be Witty and Tell Jokes are they just coming off as snarky b/c i hope not especially since a lot of times my actual Lighthearted Snark gets read as “i hate this and think its dumb af” lol. ahhhh i just do not know!! like, i wanna sort of dial back my Warmth b/c i can get enthused fast and i have a tendency to get too attached to ppl too fast, which really only sucks for me, but still!! yet i dont wanna rein it in too much and try to overcompensate and come off like im Eternally Unimpressed and don’t really care and etc etc and just…..idk its wild it’s hard to tell how i may be socializing awkwardly lmao ahhh….and on top of it all, i manage to be godawful at realizing when other ppl actually like me. like, that sort of sounds like The Opposite but i guess its just more of that problem of thinking that im going to always bother people….a lot of times it takes me like, months or a year (or two or three) to realize that someone who willingly interacts w me during that time probably does genuinely like me and is maybe a friend. wrow

uhhhh anyways lord that was all just. tangentially related. im Tangents

UH more to the point!!!! the good news is that yeah i don’t have to think “oh we’re totally real bffs” about anyone to really enjoy and appreciate Our Interactions…..and like i do have real appreciation and gratitude for basically all nice attention lol like, if a single reblog of smthing has kind comments, if someone cool just Likes a few posts, talking on occasion or like, ever at all. cuz for real The Little Stuff has always been a really good thing for years now, especially since there’s been plenty of times i havent really had anything happening In Person that was like….good interactions or ppl who were able to hear my actual thoughts and feelings about whatever and still be interested in interacting with me. cuz in terms of not being isolated and in what i find it easy to talk about and how, Online Interactions have been genuinely important and impactful in a positive way for like a solid decade now since i was able to be consistently Online and have my own accounts and stuff in the first place

so like yeah totally i really do appreciate stuff like that. i think its pretty incredible whenever anybody just like, thinks of me, and likes me. having None Of That Feeling is supremely trash and i so appreciate that i don’t have to feel like there’s nothing and that nobody out there in the world is aware of me, and yet i don’t need it to be that like, anyone is Constantly aware of me and like, intensely invested, cuz that’s just not how it goes lol and even kinda meaning a little bit to someone and having my tiny presence in their life be a positive one is a great thought and i really do appreciate it. Unfortunately for like….my entire life, The Contempt Of Others has been a consistent #thing i’m dealing with and it’s not great!! like yeah fortunately ive had the “felt so bad about myself that it eventually circled back around and now self loathing isnt too much of an issue for me” thing, but it still sucks experiencing it lol…..having any testimonials that like, whatever shit im talking about @ myself is fun to read, or i seem okay, or its fun to talk, etc etc, like thats fantastic really

and the kinds of leaf thoughts too, yeah, that kind of thing is nice to know too lol. i was hoping you were ok like, ten hours before i saw you posting again lol…..we’re out here……..

like yeah ldmbgglh whatever my weird problems are with being overexcited abt any Potential Friendship, and also being bad at realizing if people do like me, and also just being Weird and not great at talking, and overcompensating for whatever and maybe coming across too Coldly when rly im a fiery dumbass, wanting friends but also wanting not to be burned by getting ahead of things and being reminded that most ppl aren’t like, as starved for even just friendly interactions……..i’m better at navigating and handling it in some ways but c’est a m’ess!!! aaaggbfg

really what im trying to say is i do appreciate that sort of thing a lot yeah. i could very well Not be thought of by anybody and that would suck and the fact that i get to know that i am is a really great thing. maybe i couldve said this all better last night cuz i was kinda in my feelings abt Life a little but then also it was in a sort of déspresso way so, maybe this is okay lol….

also i worry i don’t express affection and appreciation enough!!! it’s not that i’m like Oh i don’t want to Commit to Being Friends ew…..it’s that i don’t wanna be the one pressuring someone else into being like uh oh i have to play up being invested in milo!! but then maybe my playing-it-cool just makes other ppl do the same thing or think i don’t care or something. like oh i appreciate this person a ton and think they’re great and they’ve been kind to me but if we only talk so often and obviously im not There for them and involved in their life in the way a ~real friend~ would be, maybe it would just ring hollow to say i love them, for example. lord lol……. it’s all “oh don’t dial down your kindness and affection” and yet also “but don’t wanna inadvertently push other people or Be Weird or get myself invested in something where i don’t mean as much to the other person not cuz they suck but because like, of course im just a fun internet acquaintance, which is fine!!” ahhhhhh the challenges. anyways!!!!!!!

the point is well i do like ppl yeah and i really appreciate ppl liking me. every now and then they do it online or even in person and thats just a Joy and i wish things were more secure!!! i also have to not even necessarily want ppl to get invested in me in case things go to shit too soon or whatever and it doesnt help that ~being open~ means talking abt depressingass stuff sometimes that like, i don’t mind being open about, but i also don’t want to put on other ppl. which, sidenote on that, im feeling relatively alright all these recent months even if im not technically thriving; it’s okay. it’s a hot mess! but that’s just How It Is sometimes!! it’s what it is. and ive had support from ppl in big and small ways that i know i could have had to go without and all the ways ppl are nice to me count for a whole lot and i have appreciated it, and do appreciate it, and will continue to appreciate it.

tldr 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[moodymurda]

think i lost my best friend

as a small child my first first best friend was a boy named omar. we met in daycare when we were two. we were the smallest in the class but had the biggest mouths. we ended up going to the same schools until 4th grade. at our elementary school anytime someone claimed me as a best friend, he would explain that we went way back to diapers and they weren’t my best friend lmao. 

in pre-k i met a boy named hakeem. (our mom’s ended up being friends, they still talk occasionally and sometimes my mom will tell me how hakeem and his siblings are doing. because she know my weird ass cares about that sort of thing). hakeem brought these lemon cookies everyday for snack. i liked them too but in strawberry, so he would have his mom get me some and he brought me those cookies everyday until we changed schools in first grade. we always sat together, did our work together, played together. we had other friends but we mostly did everything together. 

in first grade i had 2 best friends. a boy named franklyn and a girl named melody. melody moved away like 4 months into the school year but to this day i’ve never forgotten her. franklyn, i thought he was so cool. he was a really great artist.. for a 6 year old lol. he was real funny too. he had the funniest facial expressions. and he was real serious which i was entertained by because i’ve always been “silly”. 

in 4th grade i met a girl named shanelle. we were the shortest girls in the class and the smartest. we were really similar in general and we instantly clicked. it was a whole lil group of girls that i’d known since first grade. but shanelle and i ended up in the same class in 4th grade and we clicked idk. that was my mf girl. when i first moved to florida we talked on the phone every saturday for hours. i also met a boy named anias that year. he was one of my best friends too. he was also my first crush lol. unrelated but it’s interesting to look back at how i handled the fact that i liked him, because i still handle liking people that same way.

fifth grade was my first year in florida. it was real hard for me to make friends. the other day, my mom said to me she realized that in new york i never had to make friends. i have bout 5011 cousins, so that's built in friends right there. and they were my friends back then, they're my friends now. then most of the kids i went to daycare with, they went to my elementary school. so again i never had to make a friend really. i knew everyone in my life since i was a literal infant. 

but yea i did end up making friends eventually. got my first white friends ever lol. (one of their dad’s called me a nigger which is still hands down one of the weirdest things i’ve ever experienced.) i started to befriend more girls which was cool because before then i always had way more guy friends than girls. 

in middle school i went to one school for 6th grade, then another for 7th & 8th. in 6th i met my friend nijah. and she was my best friend then. she treated me like i was her little sister and i’m still grateful. she really looked out for my little ass and defended me no matter what. she was present after i got into my first fight lol. and even though i held my own, the girl had scratched my face. that shit set nijah off and she proceeded to beat homegirl’s ass even though i just did.

i struggled to make friends in 7th again. in 6th grade i went to the same school that most of my elementary friends went to, so again i didn’t have to make friends for real. i did make new friends but it was different because it was a group thing. not me alone trying to fit in somewhere. in 7th grade i finally got into a school i applied to in 5th grade but was wait-listed. i was and am very reluctant to speak to those i don’t know for a list of reasons. so i didn’t. i would just observe the people in my class. eventually these two girls named janae and keely who were best friends, kinda let me stick my ass in there with them. then i met bart and this girl dani. i remember marcus and i had ended up befriending one another bc our history teacher sat us next to each other when he was reassigning seats. (i remember every mf thing but marcus was also my second crush so naturally i remember every detail of that shit). so yea those were my friends. at the time janae was my best friend tho. she was the only other black girl in the class that would talk to me and didn’t think i was weird. it was because her ass was weird too lol. i didn’t act like the rest of the black girls and they really only spoke to me to make fun of me. which i knew, but i’ve never been one to entertain shit unless “you got beat my ass about it”. 

in 8th grade janae and i met this group of girls. morgan, dejahnna, atlantis, and jarvayssia. some shit shifted that year and morgan and dejahanna became my best friends. they were the first friends i ever hang out with outside of school. it made me feel so good to be invited to shit and to feel included. to feel like a normal ass 13 yr old felt amazing. 

so in high school there were two schools all the magnet school kids would usually apply to. stanton and paxon. with the exception of keely, bart, and a few other people i didn't mention here. every single person i was close with in middle school, went to paxon. what's crazy is most of my friends were going for stanton because in jax it’s the “better” school as far as ranking goes. i don't even remember why but when i toured paxon, i liked it more than stanton and i wanted to go there. it’s still funny to me that my ass didn’t want to go to stanton but was one of the only ones in my close friend group to get in. 

so yea at stanton is struggled. a lot. personally but also in the friend department. to put it plainly i had none. people didn't really talk to me or acknowledge me really. at first i didn’t mind it. but then having a fucked up home situation and having no friends just made me feel real shitty. there was that thing again, with people talking to me only to make fun of me. some of those same people would turn around senior year and try to be my friend senior year which was hilarious to me at the time. it was like they forgot how they treated my extra depressed ass back then. i met this girl chelsey in 10th grade and she was hella sweet. she basically forced me on her friends and they became my friends.

okay so anyway, in 11th grade i met a girl named ahmani. she was in my chorus class. i remember our first encounter, it was towards the beginning of the school year. stanton was playing paxon and it was the game everyone went to ya know. i wanted to go but my mom couldn't take me. so everyone is talking about it and someone asked if i was coming. i said no and why, ahmani ended up asking me what side of town i lived on. we realized we dead lived like 7 minutes away from each other. she offered to pick me up and bring me to the game w her. i was amazed that she was willing to, i know that dont sound like a big deal but to me it was. people weren’t nice to me bro. like ever. so for her to do that it meant a lot. she ended up being my ride every mf where. she is dead the reason i hung out w people outside of school w my friends. she took me everywhere with her. sometimes we would just sit in the car and talk or listen to music. we had a group of friends, it was 5 of us. but i was the closest with her. 

i admired her. i thought she was so strong and resilient. she's hella awkward but she owns it. she's low-key/highkey anxious sometimes but she works through it. no one i’ve ever met works harder to achieve shit than she is. she sings so beautifully. she is beautiful. she's a caretaker of basically anyone she knows. she is a light, she was my light for so long when i needed it. we’re pretty different but also a lot alike. we just worked. i always told her where i fall short she picks up my slack and vice versa. we might be a bit of a mess separately but our heads working together is unstoppable. we’re kinda a mess together too honestly but it’s us.

in college we didn't spend as much time together. we both stayed home for two years and went to a community college. we would hang out like weekly i think. i’m pretty sure we saw each other once a week at the very least. but then she went to orlando for university and i went to UNF which in jax. we didn’t talk all that much and i understood. i wasn't necessarily too busy, but thats because i just never am that fucking busy lmfao. idk the way i go through life is weird. i only make time for the shit and people i want to make time for. i refuse to do anything i dont want to. and that isn’t necessarily my best trait but I'm working on it. but yea i guess she was busier than i? idk when i don’t speak to people for a while i dont make a big deal. i tell myself it isn’t on purpose and i move on. i often tell myself not to apply more importance to my life than what is necessary. especially when others are involved. again, not my best trait but i’m working on it. 

so yea though our communication got limited i still considered her my best friend. when she would come to the city, if she had time we hung out. i always have time lmfao, always. again i know other people’s lives are more full than mine. well i assume so. anyway. we spoke on the phone. we were there when the other needed i think. i try hard not to need people. like not to call them or burden them with my issues. i try real hard. but when she needed me i was there. not to say i’ve ever needed her and she wasn’t there. because that isn’t the case at all. 

recently we planned to move to chicago together. a whole chain of events happened and now we aren’t. i’m still moving and i’m pretty sure she is too. just not together. the way it happened is really fucking with me. i don’t wanna get into it bc of privacy and shit. but i will say that i am hurt. im really hurt and im confused and im beating myself up over some shit that everyone keeps telling me isn't my fault. feels like my fault though. that feels like the only explanation. i dont know.

i’ve been thiniking a lot. about friends and how i never really had any. i just spoke to people so i wasn't alone or sometimes i just spoke to no one and made myself be okay with it. and now i have this group of friends and we’re like family. everyone that is my friend currently is my family. all of my friends i have currently i made over the internet. and i was bothered by that im not even gonna lie. it felt good to still have ahmani bc i would see her more than i see my other friends. i still have some i didn't meet yet. idk i just.. im the only person in my like personal life with internet friends. like in my family. and i felt like i just fed the fact that my family thinks im not even the least bit “normal”. then i started to feel bad. because it felt like that meant i was ashamed of my friends.and i’m not. i love them. i dont wanna lose any of them any time soon. and i’m realizing i dont need anyone’s approval to make those friendships “real” or valid. because they are real and valid to me. 

but yea i dont think ahmani and i will be friends anymore. or if we do end up being friends again, we probably won't speak for a while. i don’t know what that means. but losing a friend sucks a whole lot and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

[taeguboi]

BTS as... Punks

So hahahahaha idk why it posted my extremely incomplete draft earlier (bug with the app?) So consider that now deleted post as a preview hahaha

Requested: “BTS as Punks please!”

RM

activist

anything that's for a good cause

he's behind it

probably makes his own charity

for something close to his heart

and puts on punk events a few times a week

music

poetry

all kinds of food stalls

suitable for everyone’s dietary needs

the occasional street protest

quite laid back though

but the things he has done have had a huge impact on people’s lives

he feeds the poor at his music events

he takes in donations from people to aid the homeless

basically against those unfair imbalances you get in society

he wants to be in a punk band 

but at the same time it isn’t really for him

so sometimes he just grabs a guitar 

and busks with improvised lyrics 

things that are on his mind

things about the world at present

and the things the talks and posts about to people inspire writers of bands

kind of like a journalist

he knows everyone on the local punk scne

he’s been involved ever since he was a kid

smokes a fair amount like

“cool mate, cool beans... right, I’m just off out for a fag”

not many piercings as you might expect

like mostly his ears

and a few intimate areas...

always has colourful punk hair

probably a low key mohawk

several meaningful tattoos

because his family is everything

so is this one person in his life

some drunken tattoos also hahaha

couple of face tatts

always a gentleman to girls

if there’s a creep on the scene 

just tell him

that guy will be exposed 

and gone for good from this local punk scene

and beyond as far as his contacts can take him

he just wants a safe scene

will fend for anyone though really

has a local watering hole

go down to that pub on any afternoon 

and there’s 90% chance he is there

mostly just for the people

maybe buys only 2 drinks the whole time usually

but if he gets drunk

get your notepad and pen

he’s gonna throw 196489 contacts your way

so if your band are ever in need of a gig

you know who to call

Jin

at first, doing punk music is merely a hobby

but then it turns into something more

his pleasure in busking turns into a passion

a dream to make it with a band

so he gets together the best people he knows

and they fucking rock

no one can say a bad thing about Jin’s punk band

they rehearsed diligently for so long

so they sound so tight

he rocks the denim jacket

with all the patches

some badges too

a ton of badges are on his bag though instead

and stickers on his guitar case

a fan of every band he performs with

his guitar case is choc a bloc with local band stickers

so he doesn’t have a mohawk

but his bangs progressively get messier

occasionally he dyes them [example, like V’s green bangs in hyyh era]

he changes loads in little ways

like you leave school and he’s this ‘ordinary’ lad

but then you bump into him like 7 years later 

and wtf he’s stunning

like his aura changed

you thought maybe he’d go into like a business job

but he’s rocking the stage most nights a week

you can’t help but go support him more

and maybe something happens from there but that can be a story for another time

and so maybe he doesn’t get BIG with this band

but he earns a sustainable income

and that’s more than good enough

life is good

music, booze and girls

no drugs tho

wise in that sense, contrary to some punk stereotypes

kind of fluffy actually

some say he’s a poser

but he just likes to look good

and is aware how certain rougher looks just really don’t suit him

so that’s all there is to that 

actually that’s all there is to this

the end :P

Suga

probably a performer too

maybe more into the dub / ska kind of genre

full of stage presence and hype

when he has a message

he fucking gets it across

because he’s so assertive

as well as those catchy melodies

just messy af hair

doesn’t care for it to be any particular length or style

just keep it natural

in fact, fuck visuals

no dress sense whatsoever

like he has a green shirt on with pink jeans and yellow converse

sound is all that matters

so what else?

solitary

like he could be backed up by a band

but fuck that

if he has the equipment that can do it all then why not?

it’s easier to work alone

so he supports like 876 charity events

and has a big share of festivals

headline material

especially at the proper hippie festivals

great for people high af

great for drunkards

great for sober peeps too

you get it, great for everyone

apart from perhaps kids 

cos swearing

sometimes you need that bit of aggression in lyrics, right?

he’s not as aggressive as he might seem on stage

but something is pent up in there

and he is one rough boy

actually, a lot like badboy!suga

can handle anything

but can you handle him?

J-Hope

idk why I always imagine him as a skater

but here we go

in a skate punk band

bass player

can also do drums tho

backwards caps for life

that one band member you think is shy af

cos he seems so quiet

but the moment you say ‘hey’ and congratulate him on a good show

he can talk your ear off for hours

again no drugs

but plenty of beer

cos getting drunk is funnier

the world is a more enjoyable place with skate punk and alcohol

seriously it really is, take that from me hahah

graffiti projects

either for promotion

or to help like restless kids as a distraction or something

let’s just say that’s something he can relate to

may or may not be how he got into this whole skate punk stuff

so yeah will take any charity gig

doesn’t mind if venues pay him in beer

he would have spent the dollar on that anyways

all about living it up with his mates

bros before hoes

has a side band that’s like party punk

any excuse to get bros together

for a good old knees up

only bands of his close friends get played in the car

girls are quite interested in him

but lmao he’s having none of it

he just wants to embrace life

don’t need anything more than mates and family

but he writes really cool songs on the topic of love

you know without being too soppy with it being punk and all

but it’s fucking amazing

but no one knows where he gets the ideas from

no one knows where he gets his energy from either 

will jump off everything and anything

on certain days, he’ll climb everything and anything too

just a fun loving cool punk

Jimin

more or less that one guy you see everywhere on the scene

he’s not in a band

doesn’t really do his own music

but he’s a fan of his scene

every weekend, he’s somewhere to see punk music

be it the local pub for one of his faves

or a town centre for a punk charity thing

or even miles away to see someone he knows getting bigger

leather

with a few patches

piercings

all the ear piercings you could imagine

lips and tongue

used to have an eyebrow one

but decided he looked too generic

or like a chav

something or other

he knows he doesn’t have the most original look

but he can’t stand being too similar to someone else

if anyone in this room tonight is wearing a leather jacket and completely black clothing

he might just tear it off himself and / or burn it

abs and tatts are a good look anyone so doesn’t matter

probably works out to punk music

high school drop out

because he started to realize how useless it is

so he’s generally clever where it’s more relevant in life

saves money well

good paying job

can fund his love for punk basically

and each and every band he supports fully appreciates it

I’m sorry guys I swear there isn’t a not fluffy Jimin gif for me to use hahaha

V

so yeah I’m sorry if this turns out too similar to

badboy!V

because I literally made him a punk in that hc

I’m thinking he’s a lead singer of a punk band

that raspy voice works to his advantage

capable of hardcore punk genres

but prefers and sticks to a more rock n roll kind of punk

long hair

whatever colour he feels like this month

piercings galore

tatts galore

will put a needle anywhere on his body

lives on the edge

lives in the moment

yolo

arrests

protests

he’s done it all

cos fuck the law man

if something about society bothers him

he will speak up

fearless boy

will get his band a gig anywhere in the country

he has things he needs to say

thoughts to spread

only uses social media for punk

his profile is just of gig pictures of his own and sharing events

not your typical singer

kind of writes everything

the band just copy / pick up what he shows them

busks alone sometimes too

may or may not make extra dollar from sneaky acoustic gigs

but it’s not out of selfishness, no

he will always have a goal in mind

and good intentions

like he wants to band to afford professional recordings

or he wants to set up and event

that kind of thing

pay attention

to the things he talks about in his music

you’ll learn a lot

Jungkook

drummer

just needs to hit something

so as long as it isn’t people then great

basically the world screwed him over in some way at some point

and it made him rethink his views about the world

for ages it was restless frustration about it all

but then he discovered punk

the day he discovered his local scene

he wrote random poetry for days

the words had flow to them

but they were unconventional

and then a mate sees it

and he’s like “dude this is sick”

and a band is formed

likes a bit of everything

has friends he can go to the skate park with

has mates to mosh with at hardcore gigs

has friends he can chill with for ska

quite a late learner with the drums

but he must have a natural talent for it

because he becomes amazing in just under 2 years

can do any genre of punk

everyone wants him in their new projects

he’s the guy everyone needs if their guy quits

you know, the demand for Jungkook’s drumming is insance

fortunately he’s wise enough to just stick with the first 3 bands

cos like I say not only does he drum for them

but his creative input for lyrics is huge

just sit him down, give him a topic and bam

he’s just written you a verse and chorus

what else?

50% backwards caps

25% forwards cap

25% lost his cap

somewhat forgetful in areas other than drumming

maybe a bit of a stoner like

“oh yeah man! I forgot about that!

the way his cap is on does often depend on level of alcohol in his blood

forwards for business

backwards for sloshed party animal

breaks a lot of drum sticks by accident

breaks a few hearts by accident welp

I guess girls and guys just notice the muscle 

which he never hides well

cos of course as a drummer, you’re gonna wear a vest really

yeah, that’s pretty much it

[moonchildmuses]

📱for all our boys

me, every single time i have to write something involving any of these three: PLEASE BEHAVE, I’M BEGGING YOU.min, jae & nate: do y’all hear sumn???

min & ji

what were min’s 5 last sent texts to ji?

[ hubby ] not to be a snitch but,,,,,,,,,,,,, perhaps i’ve been informed of something and i just can’t keep this from u,, you’re my husband (shdjsdh mayhaps i dreamy sighed in front of the whole class) and i wanna tell you[ hubby ] [insert their shopping list here because min would literally do this all the time][ hubby ] anYWAY jae told me i could tell you as long as we both keep our mouths shut sO YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT TO DO.[ hubby ] he thinks it’s time to take the next big step,, he said he wants to adopt, so he’s gonna tell minho tonight!!![ hubby ] BABY I AM SO EXCITED I CAN’T WAIT FOR THEM TO BE DADS!!! WE’RE GONNA BE UNCLES!!! AND OUR JINSOO IS GONNA HAVE A LITTLE COUSIN!!!

what were min’s 5 last unsent texts to ji?

1 — [ hubby ] damn baby,, are u a piece of art? because i’d like to nail you up against the wall ;))

2 — [ hubby ] wHERE IS JINSOO’S PLUSHIE nvm it was under his bed

3 — [ hubby ] fuck. i can’t stop staring at your ass. i can’t wait till we’re home alo

4 — [ hubby ] [another shopping list he didn’t send because someone called him and he forgot what he needed] 

5 — [ hubby ] i was literally about to send you a sexy pic and one of my students decided to ask me something :))))) I’M GONNA FAIL HIM :)))) AND DON’T TELL ME I AM A PETTY ASSHOLE, I ALREADY KNOW IT

what was min’s last snapchat for ji?

here it is!!!

contact photo

here!!!

how many times has min called ji this week?

honestly i would say zero but,, min is the type of person that would call him during his lunch breaks like “hi, i know i saw you 4 hours ago but i’m tired and i just wanted to hear your voice“ i’m not crying, you’re crying!

how many calls has min missed from ji?

none, obviously 

jae & minho

what were jae’s 5 last sent texts to minho?

[ my other half ] ok i was listening to one of your songs at work and someone said “yo,, that’s some cool music”[ my other half ] ofc i was like WELL OF COURSE!!! that’s my husband btw! i’m a lucky man,, i know ;)[ my other half ] aND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY TOLD ME????[ my other half ] “no way YOU are married to jung minho”[ my other half ] so i showed them pics of us and that’s how i dragged my boss’ teenage daughter :D she deserved it tho

what were jae’s 5 last unsent texts to minho?

1 — [ my other half] I FELL ASLEEP AT WORK AND I HAD A NIGHTMARE,, FOR SOME REASON I COULD ONLY SPEAK IN A SQUEAKY M*N*ON VOICE AND YOU WANTED A DIVORCE JKSDJSKD 

2 — [ my other half] pls never divorce me :((

3 — [ my other half] hi love. can i ask you a question about some headphones?? just like the ones you had in your studio! i’m asking for a friend.[ my other half ] HAVE* in your studio haha stupid autocorrect

4 — [ my other half] HI MINHO IT’S ME, YOUR FAVORITE LOONA STAN, MIN

5 — [ my other half ] [a shopping list written by min, but half of it are kinky items]

what was jae’s last snapchat for minho?

here it is!!! 

contact photo

here!!! (but it used to be this)

how many times has jae called minho this week?

i’m not sure jae is familiar with the concept of phone calls (i’m gonna say between 1-5, but only if it’s really necessary)

how many calls has jae missed from minho?

lbr, minho would be a normal person like us and he’d text him. we love minho.

nate & nico

what were nate’s 5 last sent texts to nico?

[ MY garden gnome ♡] hi :(( i’m bored :(([ MY garden gnome ♡ ] take me out on a date!!! i miss u :(((((((((([ MY garden gnome ♡] lol wait,, someone just tried to hit on me[ MY garden gnome ♡ ] they insisted but then i said the magic words and they left me alone! it was great uwu [ MY garden gnome ♡] HELLO????? PAY ATTENTION TO ME

what were nate’s 5 last unsent texts to nico?

1 — [ MY garden gnome ♡ ] yoU WERE THE CUTEST LITTLE BABY SJDKSJDKS YOUR MOM SHOWED ME SOME PICS AND L M A O GUESS WHAT??? I HAVE A NEW LOCKSCREEN

2 — [ MY garden gnome ♡ ] omg did u see what the kims are wearing? that’s def last season,, ew.

3 — [ MY garden gnome ♡ ] I HAVE SOME GOSSIP YOU NEED TO HEAR IMMEDIATSDJSLDJ oH MY GOD STAY WHERE U ARE

4 — [ MY garden gnome ♡ ] sdhsjdh not gonna send this but,, you look so handsome tonight and it got me feeling some type of way,, like i lowkey wanna spend the rest of my life with you lmao

5 — [ MY garden gnome ♡ ] hahailoveyousomuch!!!iwishicouldkissyourightnow!!! (translation: haha i love you so much!!! i wish i could kiss you right now!!!)  

what was nate’s last snapchat for nico?

here it is!!! 

contact photo

here!!!

how many times has nate called nico this week?

nathaniel isn’t like the rest. nathaniel probably calls nico at least 10 times a day. don’t be like nathaniel.

how many calls has nate missed from nico?

none?? unless he was busy, i guess!

[whetstonefires]

d gray man liveblog part 4! (part 1)(part 2)(part 3)

No but seriously, Cyril Camelot is the English Foreign Minister and just staged an assassination attempt on himself for an excuse to declare war on the people he just spent a while negotiating an agreement with.

Why? In what way does this benefit the Noahs?

(...why is the name of the country censored, I feel like hoshino-san just didn’t want to try to come up with a plausible European country for England to go to war with in 18-mumblety.)

I mean Bookman says tragedy breeds akuma in his analysis, but they took Japan while it was so emphatically not at war that it had zero foreign relations at all; war is clearly not necessary for the Earl’s bargains to go through apace.

Cyril kind of looks like he just does this shit for fun.

...”the evil man who made the world his enemy” is a fascinating choice of words, Tykki Mik, I really wonder very hard about you.

And you’re right, when he’s not wearing his balloon costume, and talking normally, and buying flowers from little girls, he looks normal! Weird how that works.

Question: is that umbrella he declined so he could walk in the rain Lero? Does Lero have to share the Earl with other umbrellas outside of official monster business, or disguise himself as a normal bumpershoot when out in public? Is that servant another disguised akuma, or a normal person who has no idea?

...it’s probably an akuma.

YAY KRORY WAKE UP!

why so many chain. it’s not like he lost track of who his enemies were in that last fight, even when he was made of blood. rude to chain.

aw he cry. he cry! ;_; he cry for his friends!

this is the kind of sad boy i like. he can be annoying but not in, you know, a murdery way.

holy shit creepy ghost girl?! i...logically must have read this part before but i don’t remember it, damn i was bingeing like a mad thing.

where...where did the poison come from. why is Krory’s arm sticking out like that. what is going on.

Why Are The Order So Bad.

aaaaand cut to the kind of random hijinks that seem intended to lift the mood but tbh they’re kind of too grim in their own right.

lmao alternately this is an excuse to draw kanda and lavi as chibis and Allen with long hair.

If it’s not because of structural damage, why are they moving to a new base? No one’s said anything about the new headquarters being any more secure against frickin’ teleportation. Maybe the Pope just wants the Order distracted with moving chores?

(I like referring to the higher-ups at the Vatican as the Pope; I realize we have no actual evidence the actual Pope even knows any of this is happening, but if hoshino is gonna be having people shout that other people are ‘property of the Pope’ i’m gonna use the word Pope as often as I can get away with because

1) it makes the whole thing more ridiculous b) it emphasizes the European Gothic Via Japan vibe going on here which is at least 20% of the entertainment value and thirdly, ‘Pope’ is fun to say.)

Oh, right, Allen’s ongoing identity crisis! (it only gets worse from here, kid)

The bosses were logically correct to make Cross Marian do his ‘report to Vatican and be responsible’ part before giving him the pay-off of ‘allowed to talk to Allen’ because otherwise he’d just fuck off but damn it’s hard on the kid, being left hanging.

I absolutely do not believe for one second this business with Mana’s past and secret motives was planned before the series started, but that’s honestly for the best; it’s more wrenching when we didn’t have any more reason than Allen to suspect something was off.

...i like when nice clowns adopt people tho... :o(

not telling the brass or their stooge about your creepy extra reflection was a Good Call.

yes link really truly allen is a good kid who is not plotting evil shit. sheesh.

more Potion Accident gags, i’m sorry, i can’t keep up with your taste in mood whiplash and i never liked most slapstick anyway. the bunny ears are. strange.

...never mind who made the ‘talk like a cat’ potion, who packed that box Miranda spilled; that is such an absurd chaotic collection of items organize your shit people. eesh.

Lmao everyone’s #1 creepy ghost theory is, Komui Playing A Dumb Prank.

...okay, Allen’s reaction as the Matron gnaws on his arm, and the fact that everyone’s first assumption is that Allen has annoyed this very sensible woman to the point that she is communicating via teeth, manages to be funny but noooooo, why would you, not Awesome Shoes Lady after she made it through the Level 4 Akuma attack unscathed, come onnnnnn.

okay, uhhh...contagious vampirism zombie thing...lmao everyone gets worried about matron when she bites Miranda, everyone is super embarrassed when Miranda bites Noise, this is just some impressive Not Realizing Shit’s Fucked guys.

okay, zombie horde of various survivors of all the recent massacres.

uh, if this weren’t being dropped at a time of total emotional exhaustion, it would work better. it’s already working better the second time around for the fact that i took a break after the last arc.

considering it comes out monthly and we had a Noah interlude, it probably worked in the original context just fine, but daaaaaamn did this storyline piss me off the first time, all i even remember about it is the rage.

:D Lenalee rescued Tiny Kanda. Who for some reason can interpret her ‘nyah’ sounds.

...how is a stimulant drug contagious via biting.

i remember the first time i read this i naturally assumed the biting disease was derived from Krory. that still would have made more sense.

robot eats notebook, lol...bickering...”my pride won’t allow me to become a zombie” yes allen excellent logic you weirdo.

okay i’m done checking back in when slightly less stupid shit starts happening....

okay never mind the robot’s fireworks blew Allen through a wall, where Krory was suffering in chains, and then the blanket spontaneously combusted, and then there was somebody with an axe...

...and then Allen wakes up and is informed he was knocked out and concludes Krory’s situation was a dream oh come on.

krory is at the door! but being creepy! the robot refuses to open the door out of self-preservation! allen seduces the robot into risking its life!

...

‘this is nostalgic’ with the hero face on i can’t.

okay, so it was Krory, who apparently swallowed the entire bottle of poison, lid included? for some reason?

oh great there’s a parasitic zombie ghost thing riding Reever and sticking its face out his stomach. horror! nope, now played for laughs.

aaaand suddenly veering back into pathos. bonus info about evil human experiments!

...aaaaaand touching bonding moment for the Lees. Aww.

Not only is Komui protective and self-sacrificing, when he isn’t being psychopathic, he has absolved Lenalee of his having sacrificed his entire life to watch over her after she was kidnapped into this.

then a stupid gag! and the ghost does a creepy jealous possession thing! and meanwhile everything is on fire.

et cetera, mood whiplash back and forth at least once every other page...komui starts reciting from memory the names of every single person killed in the Order’s human experiments...

...i don’t think the names are intended as an additional gag, but most of them are fairly odd and many downright improbable, though none truly syllable-mashing outrageous. I’m rather fond of Asia Smet and Oona Boelyn.

a page and a half of heart-rending pathos, and then the robot falls off the ceiling with a huge syringe of ‘vaccine’ it synthesized from Krory’s blood because he was the first infected by the...stimulant...egad, that’s not how any of that works.

and then, and then...anyway then everyone was zombies and the boss from China came in off-panel and fixed everything, as you do.

i truly hate you hoshino katsura, all the more for the fact that i genuinely loved about 15% of that parade of neck-wrenching bullshit.

anyway! that’s all over and done with, we are now on a boat being cute, because allen is using the stolen teleportation Ark that only he can drive to open a door between the old Castle headquarters and this...uh...cave? that they’re moving into.

...oh hey Shadow Of Allen (XIV) is now sporting wings remarkably like the ones Krory had during his drugged vampire zombie freak-out. i bet that means nothing whatsoever.

man whenever Leverrierererererer turns up i hallucinate ominous music. smug assholish ominous music. slimier sounding than the Imperial March, you know?

that’s not just my biases, hoshino-san lights the panels very effectively to create that effect. egad, he’s going to be in command??? is that why the move, because it was easier to undermine komui’s authority if he was removed from his entrenched power base?

...we just covered last chapter that that castle was a leverrier family fortress originally tho. huh.

excessively creepy secret Pope police involved in isolating and depowering Allen.

also lol that is very Japanese-style religious magic going on, that is not what a Catholic ritual binding would look like at all. not that they have as much settled precedent, their demon-fighting standards run much more toward ‘make it go away.’

aw shit komui’s right there and he can’t do shit, best he can get is a promise that ‘if Allen is a good child’ he won’t die.

flashback! aw man allen the first lesson mana ever taught you was to make peace with the dead and let them lie. should’ve listened.

...man allen was a grouchy brat. i wonder what color his hair was, before it went white. haha apparently he acquired his adoptive dad by running away from the circus with him.

pfffffft little allen hated clowns, that achieves the level of actual irony...welp, suicide joke.

aw shit mana was too burned out on grief to cry for his dog but allen could, for the doggie that licked his hand once. imma cry now.

whoa actual conversation with Cross Marian! under the supervision of papal ninjas (known as Crow) within a magic cage of paper. and wow! an actual answer to a question! unprecedented!

...it isn’t labeled which of these kids was Mana and which was (the most recent incarnation of??) the Fourteenth but imma hazard a guess that the one with hair that matches little Allen’s is not Mana.

oh also Adam Puddinghead killed the 14th, i don’t think we officially knew that until now? or maybe it came up when he blew up Edo i don’t recall.

oh my god i was definitely bingeing too hard last time; by the time Cross Marian started referring to the 14th in the second person to Allen my capacity to be astonished or distressed was burned right the fuck out. i was just like ‘yeah yeah figured get on with it.’

it’s actually a pretty dramatic scene, but it’s weird to be getting this shit in straightforward exposition after all this absence of any information at all.

wait “the human implanted with” ... “the host for his revival” ... i can’t tell if Cross Marian is referring to whatever the normal noah transfer process is or some way 14 found of circumventing that.

ohhhhhh man this title page has tiny clown Allen and it is the cutest shit ever.

did i ever tell you guys one time when my mom was two and a half, she had her stage debut as the cutest little pigtailed clown? and she ran onstage toward her daddy just like they’d practiced and the whole audience burst into delighted laughter.

and Tiny!Mom turned to look at them in appalled horror, and u-turned right back around and ran offstage again.

no one had successfully communicated to her she was going to be laughed at by a bunch of strangers. possibly they didn’t expect a toddler to mind.

oh sure Cross Marian, tell the kid the horrifying truth about himself and his dad in the most overdramatic way possible, in front of witnesses, and then when he dissociates in horror just beat the shit out of him until he resets.

the amount of playing abuse for laughs in this series is one of the many emotional strains that led me to drop it the first time.

it’s honestly a contest sometimes who i currently hate most, Marian, you or Labradorito or the Earl. Ech.

‘no idea’ tch. but if you’re saying he implanted his memories into Allen before he died, then...the Earl caught up with the 14th really recently, then?! How long were he and Mana on the run? I totally forgot these details, wow. i suspect some of them will turn out to be false.

...why the fuck are you saying it like this? bastard.

wow CM you almost look spooked by the fact that allen cares more about the possibility that his dad never actually loved him than the prospect of having his mind eaten.

maybe he’d care more about the mind-eating if the 14th was the Earl’s ally instead of planning to use allen as a weapon to kill him? allen is already using himself as a weapon to kill the Earl.

oop, way to get him back on target! “what if i told you you’ll kill the people you care about?”

aaaand cut.

that was like ten chapters’ worth of blather, i need to get more efficient.

[vaguely-gestures-to-the-void]

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Spoilers below. Please correct me if I slip up. I am in no way shape or form educated on ANYTHING to do with the making of films, how to critique this stuff etc, this is all just my opinion. If I haven’t covered a scene, it’s probably because it’s already been covered much better than I can. This is my extended episode 1 review.

Episode 1: GLORIOUS PURPOSE

Pre-title scene

The scene titles looking like a train station combined with the scrolling through time is such a cool stylistic choice.

The music is familiar, but followed by an alternate shot of Loki as Cap. A different perspective of something known, how fitting. FYI, I’m going to mention music a lot.

Love how no one questions the Hulk terrifying people.

This is the last time Loki will hear Thor call his name, or speak to him. Oh darn, I made myself sad.

Marvel studios logo

The Marvel logo changing colours + Loki theme finally taking the centre stage. I love it.

The comments made on Loki soundtrack videos saying ‘I see that the Mandalorian soundtrack has become a genre’ are so accurate it hurts. Shout out to Ludwig btw, he deserves all the awards for his soundtracks.

My thoughts so far: This part is setting up the general shift in tone from what we’ve seen in past Marvel projects, even the other shows. It reaffirms the audience’s subconscious that whilst we are familiar with the characters, there’s new twists up ahead, subtle hints to oncoming mischief. Props to the entire team behind the series.

Gobi Desert Scene

As much as I liked the opening bug crawl, the following interactions look a bit CGId. I’m being picky, they really are gorgeous. It’s also difficult after having seen the Mandalorian, but that show really paid attention to scenery as it was an instrumental part of the story, whereas here it’s just one scene and all the others are stunning.

The parallels to Tony in the desert. Loki immediately rips off the muzzle (?).

I just watched the scene and yes, Tony rips off the mask immediately.

Also I think I would have definitely had a crush on young RDJ.

And Gwyneth Paltrow (GOOP LADY) if I didn’t know her now.

Props to Tom Hiddleston’s acting. Loki’s face when he sits up is just pure confusion but with the signature hint of indignation that I’d expect from his characterisation at this point.

The rock lmao.

THE MUSIC WHEN B-15 (MY QUEEN) APPEARS. HELL YEAH!

Also props to the supporting cast of minutemen, where does Marvel find these people? They’re so well choreographed, they all move perfectly and it’s a joy to watch.

Love the time doors honestly.

I couldn’t have been the only one who thought that the temp pads were Samsung phones for a sec right?

Lol is that unintentional foreshadowing about the TVA? Jk I’m just clowning.

Has anyone spoken about what the Temp pad showed?

My theory is that ‘Units’ refer to a predetermined rate of change [e.g. m/s] where one unit = one increment of change.

The steady rate of change here is interesting. I’ll talk about it more at the end of the next episode.

I love the music, just the slow ticking increasing in pace and the dramatic flares brought on by the strings (I think), simply divine. Natalie Holt got it spot on and props to Tom Hiddleston and literally everyone involved for understanding the importance of good music with this series. I’ll talk about this in depth in the next episode, just wanted to mention it when it first started that I noticed.

In retrospect, I can definitely retract my critique of the background in the scene. It holds up well now that I’ve rewatched it.

B-15 doesn’t get enough love. Shout out to Wunmi Mosaku, she’s a trooper and I’m here to hype her up.

Also y'all I just checked the cast list and ???? Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner and Tessa Thompson are on it?????? MARVEL TF IS THIS WHAT TOM MEANT BY EP 4 BEING WILD I-

Tom’s acting chops: The face moment. You know the one. It’s pretty incredible.

Theory from me: the reason that Loki doesn’t see the hit coming is because B15 was moving unnaturally fast.

It’s the immediate change in the music to reflect the audience’s reaction at the standard fight scene taking a strange turn for me lads.

B-15 doesn’t smile, which I think is in character for her.

She’s seen this shit wayyyy too many times.

We’re not even five minutes into the first ep and a) I’ve waffled this much, Gods, and b) the music has changed at least 3?? Times to reflect what’s happening. I love it.

My theory about resetting the timeline: the reset charges get rid of anything in the immediate vicinity of the branch, pretty much a mini-apocalypse of the timeline. If everything is erased, none of it matters. Does that make sense?

Taking away the Tesseract while yes, it serves a purpose with showing Loki the might of the TVA later on, also reflects how nitpicky the TVA are about their time-keeping. They do everything in a very orderly fashion, but as we see later, the outdated nature of things is very human.

The TVA - the elevator thing

Man I love the TVA’s look. Someone (and I’ve heard that Kate Herron was also very particular about the set design) went to extraordinary lengths with every single scene, not just this one, but the one before as well.

Heck I just want to appreciate how much of a visual feast this series is. Good on ‘em.

The shots changing angle is also very interesting. They switch it up between one-takes, close-ups of differing extremities and it just keeps the flow fast-paced, ya know?

Watching Loki run was hilarious.

“Sounds dumb.” - Casey, Null Time Zone.

This weird robot is what I think of when the TVA is mentioned. Advanced tech mimicking a retroistic 70s feel.

The cat’s adorable.

The clock. The cup. The placing of props. Impeccable.

The clock’s hands don’t move whilst they’re on screen.

The realisation on his face when he eyes the stack of papers.

Why is the wall so badly scratched???

I love that the signature is in character. I have a huge thing for attention to detail lmao.

Again, why are all of the walls so scratched? If they could talk, I’d presume it’s just a set design choice but it’s interesting that they did that.

Does anyone else want a TVA sweater vest?

Tickets

The opening zoom in on Loki combined with the consistent brown-orange colours of the set makes the room look uniform and encompassing. I love how the lights are always placed in a repetitive manner so rooms are given the illusion that they go on forever.

Lighting here creates depth, but whilst the lights form a ceiling, we can’t actually see how they’re suspended and I think that’s neat.

The posters. Yes.

This is the first time I noticed the different minutemen uniforms. This one’s half orange-red and black. Pretty cool imo.

Shout out to Tara Strong and the entire animation.

The butterfly was a nice hint to the butterfly effect, and the music is perfect as always.

The wooden walls in the background of this shot. How very 70s.

The reflection showing the guy getting pruned is pretty cool.

Again, another clock with no movement on the wall.

The first 11 minutes are up and we’ve made it to the title! If you’ve read this far, congrats.

1549 Aix-en-provence, France

Just speculating, we’re in a church with an initial high-angled nearly bird’s eye view and then a cut to one looking up at Mobius. I guess it means even if we think as viewers our perspective is omniscient, we’re not spared from the mystery in this series.

Who’s in the stained glass window?

I love how they tie in a detail as small as the gum. It just goes to show when you haven’t got much time, every character interaction is meaningful.

Props to Owen Wilson, he really sold Mobius to me.

Mirrors in a church showing the devil behind Mobius. Or on his side.

Time court 37

The time court 37 really reminds me of train stations.

The chairs remind me of pews. They sure are reverent of the Time keepers.

The lighting is a cool, bluish tinge for the first time I’ve noticed. Especially on Ravonna (MY LOVE!).

B-15 knows Loki’s clowning lmaooo.

Ravonna isn’t here for it either.

Ravonna’s nailpolish is a very nice shade of brown.

Theory: Resetting is ‘being brainwashed for the TVA’. Not very original, but it’s interesting that the TVA thinks that Loki would be useful as a worker, unlike the guy who got pruned earlier.

The TVA exterior is amazing. It also extends forever in all directions, even down.

Time Theatre 25

What is that elevator music??

“I thought you didn’t like to talk” Ragnarok, anyone?

Loki reading the ‘Time theatre’ sign whilst rambling. Gotta give it to him, he’s always aware of his surroundings.

The little TVA logo on Mobius’ shirt.

Shout out to whoever did the costuming. Personally, I liked the shirts with no collars, and the armour of the minutemen and Hunters came off to me as practical but not ignorant of the branding that the TVA likes.

Theory (bear with me): Once you’re a part of the TVA, you’re not collared anymore, though there is an appearance of that on the shirts.

Seriously tho, what are those shirts like? Mobius doesn’t have a collar.

Why do the ties just… end?

Neat details:

Holo projector 35.

The lights being reminiscent of skylights but still leaving the characters in the dark. “The sun will shine on us again, brother.” Not yet.

The reflection of the projector in the table/on the ground.

Loki: *turns away.*

Mobius: *sips Josta.*

Seriously, the lighting is great. Loki moving in and out of the shadows? Great way to show his mistrust/ unease of the situation.

The illusion speech is the last time we really hear 2012 Loki in my eyes, mainly because Mobius really gets into the cracks of who Loki is and then there’s action.

The ‘I was- I am” Freudian slip is perfection.

Side note the music’s changed yet again. It’s definitely setting up the more mournful tones for seeing his mother’s death.

I find it interesting that the door is partially in the shadows.

Doors are symbols of opportunities, barriers and both death and birth from what I remember of high school English.

From what I know in interrogations the person being interrogated is allowed to sit with their back to a door. Initially, both Loki and Mobius are sideways, equidistant from the door. When Loki wants to run, he edges closer to the door, even if it is just to make a point. Excellent blocking in my eyes.

Oh man, Mobius’ little gestures.

“Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself.” I really don’t have to talk about the significance of that line, do I?

Frigga being stabbed in the back. Little solace to a dead man? Ouch. That hurt me too.

Loki’s wounds heal unnaturally fast, because he’s no mortal.

Mobius really drives home the last point. Who says ‘like you did your mother” ??? Owen sold how Mobius can influence Loki's mind.

The ‘best versions of themselves' line and showing Thor must have hit Loki hard. He spent two movies trying to prove who he is, measuring himself against Thor. And then he sees them both working together and being equals.

Loki’s escape

Wunmi and Owen’s line delivery is unforced and charged, completely in character.

Mobius looking under the table is hilarious to me.

The music.

The tidy cubicle = healthy timeline is a bit contradictory because they’re supposedly in the null time zone but okay.

Is no one going to mention the taxidermy ferret?

Loki just had an identity crisis. His ‘gut you like a fish’ seems in character.

The dude’s really questioning everything he knows lmao.

Casey’s ‘what’s a fish’ was really our first hint that not everything is what it seems to be at the TVA.

It amuses me that Loki’s on his knees when he gets the Tesseract.

I’m sure someone’s pointed it out already, but given that Loki takes back the Time Twister, it’s possible he could have stolen an Infinity stone.

Again, point’s already been made but Loki seeing the Infinity stones is what sells the power of the TVA.

Please, the rest of the office not giving a damn when one dude’s having some drama is hilariously on point. They really said ‘not my problem’.

Loki’s future

The screen on the table showing what he’s rewinding as it happens.

Btw if you pause any moment during that, you’ll see a scene.

A quick note on Loki’s characterisation:

He’s been through a lot in a very short period of time, quite literally finding out that his actions don’t have any consequences. He’s lost all autonomy, especially as a god who probably believed he was not as restrained as mortals. More on this in later Eps.

I really liked Ragnarok because it showed Loki and Thor’s maturity; they had to step out of legacies that were thousands of years old and come to terms with a universe that was much bigger than them. It also fleshed out their relationship as brothers, but not at the expense of who they were. Loki still is a schemer, and he talks more because he has less to hide in my eyes. He’s no longer just a villain, and that can’t be shown by just actions, especially in his own tv show.

Loki’s little laugh when Thor talks about giving him a hug. Man that was sad.

What shouldn’t be forgotten is that Loki doesn’t know how it ends. He doesn’t know whether Thanos gets defeated. For all he knows, he died in vain and left behind a brother with no family.

The collar says DANGER.

This is the scene that really nails it home to Loki that his purpose in life was to cause pain. He found out his glorious purpose in that timeline, he’s conflicted as Sylvie points out in Ep 3.

When Loki talks to Mobius, they’re both in medium shots. They’re on the same page.

Loki’s delivery has changed when talking about the 'illusion' but Mobius hasn’t. That may change in the later episodes.

1858 Salina, Oklahoma

Others have covered this better.

Sylvie’s theme is similar to Loki’s but not identical.

It’s got sinister tones which change throughout the series.

I love how you can see the images of the minutemen’s past and future as they walk through a time door, they literally step through time.

I’ve got a whole other post on the end credits scenes. Cheers if you read this all lads.

Ep 1 review

All in all, this was a scene-setting episode. One of my friends texted me and said ‘Loki really went through ten years worth of character development in minutes’ and I think that sums it up pretty well. It’s a great set up, but the next episode is where the plot begins to progress. Really enjoyed it. There’s not too much that was aided by what we know from ep 3 besides Casey’s fish from what I caught.

See y'all next time, if there is anyone reading this. Look after yourselves!

[opulvnts-blog]

the war is over ??  the day is Finally here ?? ( vine kid vc ) sup fuCKERS ! . im sahar, 20, est n’ i suck major ass tbh and i have nothin’ interesting to say abt myself except that i’ve eaten chocolate chip cookies three times in one week and i hope i choke one day , and i love everything about sad movies .  !!! god now since this rp is open ill die for ur mfing characters, fuck me up with them plots . plz like this and come and plot w me ,   u won’t regrat plotting wit me cuz i’ll show u a good time boo boos . ps . i wrote this at 4 am so y’all better tell me smth nice about kennedy or im fucking done . ily all .. 

shes a vegan. wont tell anyone bc she vv reserved . like if u asked how are u she will say smth like ‘ fuck ouuta here fucking fuckboi ‘ and like whenever u get her very pissed off she will say fuck in every single sentence . like ‘ yo dude what the fuck ?? what in the actual fuck are u fucking kidding fucking piece of shit oh my fucking gof fuck bitch” she’s not a bitch or anything she just … toO MUCH ! she also thinks of herself as superior . at times, she can even come across as sickly sweet or just kind in general . SHES incredibly wise and have good judgement when it comes to the people in their lives or the situation at hand. they may not necessarily be too book smart but it’s definitely balanced out by the extent of their street smart/wise. if she’s got an opinion, you can guarantee she’s going to voice it to the highest of volumes. it doesn’t matter whether you’ve known her for 10 years or are complete strangers on the street, she won’t hesitate to share her opinion on the matter. especially if she disagrees with yours. she’s assertive, awfully blunt and arrogant. 

HERE ARE SOME VINES THAT I ASSOCIATE WITH KENNEDY :  HERE  . HERE. HERE ANDHERE  

OK NOW OFF TO HER BIO !

her dad was a very quiet man who was soft and kind and just a goof and she was… the opposite. they got along great when she was a kid but as soon as her teenage years came she just turned into a rebellious ball of shit tbh. her dad could not handle her, even tho he tried his best. he wasn’t the yelling type at all and he’d try to make her realize she was a handful thru calm words but KENNEDY was just yolo. she wasn’t good in school. absolutely sucked at math and any science. didn’t kno the difference between geometry and algebra until 8th grade, thought she was doing the same shit. basically every science is the same. but !! she was v good in english class. like, that was her only good subject besides PE bc she was sporty as fuck and got way too intense about it also she was lowkey a bully but only bullied boys because she felt a strong need to make them suffer and she has a lot of good memories about it  jhdjsdns

 JHGDFGHSYCTG like deadass would beat guys up and be like cOME ON MY GRANDMA COULD FUCKNG TAKE U !!! she would make them m i s e r a b l e things were always kind of tense between kennedy and her mom they never really got along ??? her mom rlly resent kennedy for who she is  even though kennedy really mfing tries to be a good person for her mom to accept who she is as a person.

things got a little better  when kennedy was 6 and her little brother mikkel was born. except………things only got worse a few years later?? there was an accident where mikkel got hit by a car when kennedy was walking him home from school.obviously the entire family was grief-stricken. they just lost their 6 year old son. it was awful. kennedy’s mom blamed herself, kennedy blamed herself and her dad blamed kennedy too. they moved around a lot after their son, kennedy’s brother died,, to different states but never out of the us and it was like none of them could rly talk about it with each other either. her parents started to fight a lot and they each had different ways of dealing with their grief. her mom went out on some crisis and had a string of affairs , while her dad turned to alcohol and abuse to deal with his grief.

her dad left her mom, after the incident. her mom got rlly fucked up like she will go to parties and act like she was 18. kennedy  lived with her mother who appeared to be involved in a few crimes . kennedy appeared to be more responsible than her mother at this point lmao . they got into a car accident under the influence of them celebrating her mother’s birthday. kennedy wasn’t the one driving, but she switched seats with her mother so she wouldn’t get in any more trouble which led to kennedy going to jail for a but bc she was underage .

the cops were like well shes has no one speical so lets leave her with her dad . her dad rlly couldn’t take care of kennedy because well .. he was a mess. he was always pass out on the couch with beer stains on his shirt and a pizza box on the floor.  mia was basically an accident/surprise to her father. he had no desire whatsoever to have kids after her brother’s incident.

 sometimes kennedy would come to school with bruises on her face. she remembers the snatches of convos between girls warning each other to steer clear of the leach, and wonder what they would say if she told them that everytime her father gets drunk she’s not sure being her father’s daughter will grant her immunity. She knew people could tell with one glance, one look, one simple instant. It was her eyes. Despite the thick makeup, they were still dark-rimmed., haunted, and sad. Most of all though, they were familiar. The fact that we were in front of hundreds of strangers changed nothing at all. She spent a summer with those same eyes-scared, lost, confused-staring back at herself. Anyone she was close with would have known them anywhere. she couldn’t sleep at night knowing that her parents will abuse her for anything that she will do. she spent countless of nights staying up, making sure that she wouldn’t have any slip ups in the morning when she woke up

 she spent the rest of her senior year shut off from the world as she grieved not only her brother, but the girl she used to be. she’d always been expected to go on to university & do something that would make a hell of a lot of money, but as her classmates got busy filling out their college applications, she holed up in the school’s auto-shop, learning how to work on cars.a few months after graduation, her grandfather passed ( of natural causes, thank god ) & she received a hefty inheritance. her classmates and teachers, lmao,  watched in horror as their precious gem of a daughter shelled out thousands of dollars to purchase her own garage, with plans to become a mechanic. she's not rich,  but she does have her own money . gives her a opportunity to say ‘at least i got here all by myself and not with mommy’s or daddy’s money’ heh…. 

kennedy  is somewhat emotionally stunted. her remaining friends from high school have all gone their separate ways & she hardly speaks to any of them. she’s dabbled in a romantic relationship here or there, but most of them have ended badly. basically? she’s a disaster. 

[ksmingyu-blog]

*waves* late to the party is my middle name aight lets get this party started kiddos hihi I'm Koko and ecstatic to be here at last~ do come say hi to my slow ass and my unfortunate child Mingyu -- he's just gone through some rough stuff but hides it behind a confident indifference & smiles & being too into other people’s business etc you’ll see--

anyhoo profile here (wip tbh) & background.. to remain undisclosed cause it's trash you don't need it, live in the suspense ha. take a look at my rules tho thanks I'm working on the rest bear with me, a snail supreme. do proceed forward for some random tidbits of info I guess?? also come plot with me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

so ye his family is mega rich and he's super spoiled always got what he wanted, mainly because he just asked for it ( nicely mind you he ain't one of those whiny sons of bishes ) and his parents were the worst they set little to no limits and apparently were incapable of denying him anything ever. not that he had to fight for stuff to begin with lmao

buuuut they were also very distant when it came to anything else other than making sure he was dutifully studying, which they put aggressive focus on. keyword 'aggressive'

used to accidentally say insensitive shit to people because he had no sense of tact back then honestly all his parents ever commented was how cute he was and gave him a pat on the head while sneering at the 'lesser beings' like what type of adulting

this all totally flew over his head though he never meant anything bad by the words and he just wanted to be friends with everyone and wished everyone was happy and had all the things he had bless this boy

he shared a lot of his stuff with his lil sis too simply because he wanted to. Mingyu adored her to space and back -- still does

the only loving, genuine, healthy and lasting relationship he's ever truly had is with his sister. would die for her. no hesitation.

literally his childhood as homeschooling started was just STUDYSTUDYSTUDY seven days a week his parents and teachers pretty much ran him to the ground before boy was even eight

he went to private schools for middle & high school. mostly focusing on studying still but as he had more freedom to do as he pleased without having anyone monitoring his every move he started making friends and stuff and wanting more-- it was a ride to say the least, he learned some wanted to befriend him just for his money which was hurtful tbh but also he doesn’t blame them?? much? only thing that really got to him in the long run was that everyone wanted something from him and had ulterior motives so he’s definitely prone to having some trust issues.

fast forward some years and his life is pretty much set for him by his parents and Mingyu has no say in it whatsoever, he will go to the school they picked ( paid their way in because honey you're great but we can't take risks this is very important for your future and interests... ) and major in what they want and get a damn scholarship if it kills him and he's realized there's no way out this is his price for having everything, he's living just to fulfil his parent’s goals and whims

so he acts like the good son and starts college and studies like mad because that's what he's accustomed to but also almost out of spite and sense of justice and wanting to show them-- show everyone who whispers behind his back about how he got into the school that he'll earn the grades by himself thank you very much

but he's so angry?? still?? and he's not the only one okay yeah so this small squad forms of all these justice seeking kids who never wanted this crycry ( i feel the need to point out Mingyu was partially happy to be in such a prestigious school but none of it was him ) and they start plotting all kinds of shit right yeah lets just say it got out of hand fast. real fast. if he learned something from the experience it was that money can buy you a whole lot of things, fun and pleasure, friends, but it doesn't buy you out of trouble. especially when it's made public-- BUT so hey keep in mind tho this was swept under the rug quick so it didn’t really spread anywhere.. save kids telling it forward but anyway you're curious aren't you hA keep guessing

he's humiliated, kicked out of the school right before Christmas, and now his parents are raging and a breath away from actually disowning him -- lbr they would neVER, just to save face. but they give him a last chance to redeem himself months later-- funny that, he's back to where he started, except in a worse school, with less value, less of everything, no friends ( not that he would call the ones from before any such now, fake hoes the lot of them ) and this time he has no support to speak of from anyone, much less parents beside a small fund ( let it be said this 'small fund' is still ridiculous compared to anyone struggling with their income like... his family has such distorted concept about spending money ) and orders on what they expect by the end of this school career at Keisung. namely that he's learned his lesson or some shit honestly Mingyu is over it by now he's just focusing on surviving and pawing way for himself and trying to find some resemblance of reason behind this entire farce

RELEVANT INFO;; throughout the 2 years he's never gone home for holidays, he never gets calls from his parents or anything else, only his sister keeps in contact with him regularly and has even visited ( in secret ). but his mom does text him when there's some important event he's expected to attend because they still expect certain things from him and his future. so he might be gone a random night and be EXREMELY moody/snappy/sensitive the next day...s. ye. it is not spoken of. don't ask. he wont tell anyway. it just fucks him up a lil, being any amount of time in the presence of his parents is like taking three steps back and he needs to bounce back from it. honestly this boy needs therapy. a way out. something. friends.

tbh he's in the way to becoming good in compartmentalizing, instead of dissociating which is.. good? I guess? progress??? like boy is so out of touch with his emotions to begin with don't even get me started-- it's kinda unstable progress all around he gets these pouts of sudden EMOTIONS and then tries to smother them bc he's so used to thinking he's not allowed to feel or express any of it

freshman year was utter hell for him, beside feeling dead exhausted over months of.. abuse, to put it nicely, and focusing more on healing and trying to adapt and keep afloat-- he also quickly learned to keep his mouth shut and stay in his corner and avoid any more trouble than he's been in already because it really did nothing to help his nerves-- the damage was done though and he was a target for a while until the storm calmed and he was more or less forgotten

just to twist the knife in his lungs his parents donated to the school and it was made public :)

by the end of the first year he made a resolution, refusing to step down and act a coward any longer, gaining back lost confidence ( be it fool's kind ) and tried to make himself an actual presence within the Inferiors, a title and group he detested before-- still does but tries to accept now cause there's little else he can do and isolating oneself is less than safe in this school. which is something he did throughout the first year pretty much. I mean a lot of it was also because he didn't have the energy to deal with people, needing space and shit

so yeah now as he's close to his junior year Mingyu has been making a name for himself sorta nothing grand but he's been more involved, more out there, giving less fucks yet still very cautious but that is only healthy in this environment

following that he's now stepping in as a second in command of the inferiors!! fun times I'm sure. also I totally assume the previous one was a senior who graduated? yeah roll with it

basically he tries to steer clear of conflicts while promoting healthy self assurance -- and not caring about what any jealous idiot spits at you-- giving a helping hand to the younger ones cause from own experience he's decided he might as well do something about this crappy social construct ruling the academy that does no good for anyone. but also if you come for him, if you come for ANY of them, he ain't gonna make it that easy

also he's a newly appointed student council treasurer, calling out shitty financial decisions by everyone and anyone cause while he likes to spend and throw his own money around ( old habits die hard ) for simple pleasures he's smart enough to know to do such only because he can afford to

he's totally a justified asshole about it too if you're trying to start beef when before he stayed silent and just took it now he's barking back he's taking none of that shit anymore oh you're a piss poor envious monkey too bad bye. all the while smiling cause he was raised with proper manners >_> but if you're really actually in need of money and ask nicely he might help. just might. not necessarily for free but ya know

joined the taekwondo class halfway through sophomore year. try him bitch. I dare. actually pls don't he's a sensitive soul in need of some lovin ha HA.

anyhoo backtracking to boyhood-- parents made him take piano lessons for no other reason that to boast BUT SIKE he really got into it and once he had that down he was allowed to pick another instrument. Lemme tell you he's basically a pro pianist he's taken lessons and played it for over 14 years-- except he stopped awhile back cause it's so.. bad memories. even tho he loves it?? it's just a mush of conflict ok. another one he's quite handy with is cello with more than 7 years of experience. tried violin for a good 2 years. later on got interested and switched to traditional korean instruments of which he's played the komungo about 6 years, and haegeum since he started at Keisung pretty much.

music is kinda like an escape. not kinda, IT IS.

his music taste is just all over the place too don't even ask me he likes all sorts of glitch hop and chill edm and synthwave and jazz and post-rock and hiphop meets classical and indie plus some kpop groups

speaking of, he's done a handful of piano and cello covers of popular and less so songs that he posted on youtube over some years back honhon

I'm absolutely going to make this a plot in the future someone should nudge him back into playing piano too, or better yet lure him into creating a band or some shit

has a decent singing voice, it's not trained despite having taken a few lessons but he's ridiculously insecure about it lmao you'll never catch him doing anything more than humming and mouthing words.

also his recommendation for any song mixing regardless of genre will deadass be "needs more stringstrument"

did ballet for 5 years could probably dropkick you without a hair out of place. not that he would. unless you give him reason to. that wasn't an invite

likes drinking, doesn't smoke, has tried party drugs here and there but--- as this all is part of what landed him in this mess he's a little more.. careful. 'little' being relative word here

motto might as well be "party hard, live harder" or something.  which isn't as healthy as it might sound

so music acts as a de-stressing tool sometimes but also sex works he's not picky-- I mean yes he is with bed partners if you don't know what you're doing don't even bother. kinda freaky. and mouthy. but very attentive?? I'm just. gonna. leave that as a notion.

a health preacher to a point, will bitch about everyone's unhealthy habits. regularly exercises and eats all his veggies too. but also the kind to forget to eat for hours cause he was "too busy studying".

gets headaches though if he overworks himself, prone to stressing when he's overwhelmed

he's lactose intolerant jsyk

drinks coffee like it's oxygen -- contrary to popular belief he's not a regular at the nearest Starbucks, but instead visits this smaller cafe that makes bomb sea salt cream iced coffee he orders with coconut cream & half coconut sugar half whatever flavored syrup he's craving, with 2 shots of espresso.... yes. pretentious as hell but it's tasty sue him

lovesloveslooooves to play overwatch! tho he's not the best when it comes to technique and stuff but it's just fun ey for those who know anything about the game his fav heroes be d.va ( obviously ) sombra, zenyatta, lucio & symmetra ( more lore wise than playing -- meanwhile mun is all up in her ass in both aspects )

idk this is a damn novel already you get the idea ye just come to me so we can plot uwu I’m totally down and in fact craving for some pre-est too *winkwink*

[midnightliar]

the beautiful, luminous, inimitable @violaeade​ tagged me for 50 book questions!

1. What is your favourite book and/or book series of all time?

oh maybe everything leads to you by nina lacour! it just really gets to me

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages?

uhh idk what’s the longest harry potter book bc probably that? i dont... read books that long usually

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date)

ummm i think and then there were none by agatha christie? i dont keep track by time tbh but i dont read that many old books bc i tend to have trouble reading them

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not?

the raven cycle lol

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?

oh god most of them? 99% of the lesbian ones for sure. percy jackson would make an excellent animated movie series imo. i’m clearly biased but tasu/teota would be great on screen. 

6. What is your favourite stand-alone book?

most of the gay ones i read are standalones and theres so many good ones... i already said everything leads to you but we are okay and you know me well are also extremely good! of fire and stars killed me as well. 

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading?

god. straight ones? ones that i heard are racist or homo/lesbo/bi/transphobic, but in general i’m picky abt what i read bc i don’t read that many books.

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading?

i was gonna say i don’t feel guilty about not reading books i don’t like/don’t want to but that’s a lie- babe if ur reading this i am SO sorry i never finished the last chaos walking book

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth?

most of them lol that’s what i get for living in america. i read we are okay pretty recently which takes place in new york, the state i was born in, so that’s a bit more specific.

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of?

i have 2 copies of redwall for no reason other than my high school library was selling one for a dollar so i bought it even tho i had it already. i have a couple copies of some of the a wrinkle in time books bc i got some of them as gifts a bunch. 

11. What horror book made you really scared?

omg i don’t read horror but that one skulduggery pleasant short story about bubba moon or whatever freaked me the fuck out tbh

12. What book do you passionately hate?

um i haven’t read enough terrible books to say i hate them that passionately? but i rly kinda hated trc. oh yeah i read the first c*aptive pr*nce book in hs on the recommendation of a friend and it just made me so uncomfortable the entire time i really. did not have a good time with that one and i wish i hadn’t read it

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it?

skulduggery pleasant! theres 9 books plus short stories i still can’t believe i read all those

14. What book gives you happy memories?

aw sabrina answered this with the flywheel by erin gough and i have to say the same bc she sent it to me for my birthday, full of annotations of thoughts and jokes she made herself AND got it signed by the author, and i’ve uhhhh never felt so loved in my life

15. What book made you cry?

oh the book thief for sure. everything leads to you made me cry a bunch while rereading it even tho its not sad? thos were love tears. that happens a lot actually.

16. What book made you laugh?

skulduggery pleasant! there’s so many good lines in that one. my dad used to always hand me a book he’d just read and tell me to read a certain chapter he found hilarious but i never read the whole book but he always found hilarious memoirs too.

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character?

lmaoo like all the books i read are gay? the abyss surrounds us/the edge of the abyss have really unique lesbian characters because they’re so angry and vindictive and dumb and interesting and DRAMATIC so that one gets a shout out

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it?

what the fuck is that (ok i legit just finished reading when the moon was ours by anna marie mclemore tho bc my gf rec’d it and it was p good)

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it?

does fantasy count? bc then of fire and stars. uhh chaos walking is on a new planet. a wrinkle in time involves other planets too! wow i’m crushing this one

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?

the raven cycle lol i thought it was a finished trilogy when i started the first book so i just never read the last one and i am so relieved

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured?

not really? i don’t really feel pressure, i value recommendations from my girlfriend friends way more than things that are trending or popular. i’ve read a couple that i blindly picked from internet lists that i didn’t care for tho but that was really a while ago

22. What famous author have you not read any books by?

pretty much any author we were supposed to read in high school. any classic or even modern famous author i probably haven’t read. i’ve read like a dozen books ever

23. Who is your favourite author of all time?

tbh nina lacour is really up there. when i was really young it was definitely gail carson levine. i rly loved anne ursu’s books as well.

24. How many bookshelves do you own?

only one! and a bunch of boxes that i never unpacked after we moved like 3 years ago. my mom wants to put a big wall bookshelf in our house somewhere bc this one didn’t come with any like our last house did but who knows if that’ll happen.

25. How many books do you own?

are u trying to make me count?

26. What is your favourite non-fiction book?

ohhh i don’t read much of this genre. i always avoided it as a kid and i’ve been meaning to get into it more but i haven’t yet. i’m really looking forward to reading a sally ride biography tho

27. What is your favourite children’s/middle-grade book?

the chronus chronicles by anne ursu were my JAM in elementary/middle school omg. i also really loved the may bird series which i didn’t read until high school.

28. What is your next book on your TBR?

i’m about to start georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit finally! my gf bought me 10 things i can see from here and i love her so whenever that arrive i’m probably gonna devour that. i want to reread a wrinkle in time soon since the trailer comes out this weekend! plus a million others

29. What book are you currently reading?

i literally just finished when the moon was ours which felt like it took me ten years to read and i haven’t started another yet but it’ll be georgia peaches bc thats the other one i got from the library and i already had to renew them haha

30. What book are you planning on buying next?

um this old west lesbian novel called backwards to oregon! i’ve been craving westerns lately but as always i’m also craving gay content

31. What was the cheapest book you bought?

i used to buy a ton of old paperbacks, usually goofy looking sf or fantasy novels from library sales for dollars or quarters so definitely those.

32. What was the most expensive book you bought?

i can tell u the most expensive book i got for free was a beautiful bound collection of hg wells stories that i just got from some book at bea before it was bookcon lol

ones i actually paid for... do art books count??

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series?

nah i usually have no intention of reading the book if i watched the show/movie first

34. What is the newest book you have bought?

akdjghksjgh a lesbian western novella called from the boots up for a few bucks on kindle

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?

the rest of the gay books i’ve bought but haven’t read yet! not your sidekick and labyrinth lost, i’m VERY excited to reread a wrinkle in time and i also really want to read stone butch blues

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc)

crush by sr silcox has the cutest lesbian teen summer romance AND one them is secretly a rock star avoiding her fame bc her controlling dad was turning into HIS dream instead of HERS akdjghksdjgh its fantastic i adored it

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it?

oh no i’m dumb as hell

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born?

for some reason dave at night by gail carson levine popped into my head first? that was my favorite as a kid and i reread it all the time and i think it took place in the 20s or 30s with all that good good jazz shit

39. What book offended you?

hm not sure how to answer this one

40. What is the weirdest book you have read?

idk the may bird series was pretty weird. gone by michael grant? i read the first for a high school book club and i just could not get into it or understand it even a little

41. What is your favourite duology?

ditty the abyss surrounds us & the edge of the abyss !!

42. What is your favourite trilogy?

wow i really haven’t read that many trilogies esp ones i loved. i guess may bird or the chronus chronicles then!

43. What book did you buy because of its cover?

the maze runner! also bc i heard it was good but i hated that book so

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover?

honestly i can’t think of one rn

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?

nope! i also hated poetry as a kid and have only tried to get into it recently. i have a book of sappho’s fragments and i want to get tracy k smith from the library but thats about it

46. Do you own any colouring books based off other books?

nope

47. Do you own any historical fiction?

thats possible

48. What book made you angry?

the maze runner really did?? for some reason and i don’t get mad that much but it just really had me steamin. sabrina also said grasshopper jungle and i’m inclined to say same lmao. i haven’t read it but seeing all the lesbophobia in not otherwise specified recently made me really mad and also upset

49. What book has inspired you?

aw inspired is a serious word to throw around. the miseducation of cameron post, idk if it “inspired” me but it was my first lesbian novel and that really did a lot for me.

50. What book got you into reading?

i think it was a wrinkle in time! or maybe roald dahl books before that, but a wrinkle in time was definitely up there, and maybe the shadow thieves by anne ursu

i’m tagging @reading-takes-you-places and @mywomensworld and anyone who wants to! i don’t talk to many people here but if you follow me and want to, go for it!