#and we still have a whole year and some months on the lease

[rotten-rabbitx3]

Hello everyone. Like usual, I hate ever having to make these kinds of posts. However, I’m desperate. You can call me Wiley. I have a spouse, and we live in a rent house together with our four pets, a dog and three cats. We have gotten these animals through out our years together. Currently, we live alone in the house we’re renting. When we first got the house, this was not the case. Unfortunately, our roommate moved out after some very unfortunate circumstances, and since he was not on the lease, it was an easy transition. This initially wasn’t a problem as our two incomes could still pay for everything. However, soon after, my spouse had a bad medical scare, which meant ER visits, consults, and then a surgery in October that didn’t go as planned. Because of this, they are going to have to get ANOTHER surgery down the line. Even with insurance, we can currently not afford this. Anyways, Their job at the time thankfully allowed for a medical leave of absence. Where we’re from, FMLA is unpaid. So I was paying rent, bills, everything, on my own while they had surgery and recovered. During their recovery, literally on day two and three, they had to go back to the ER. They were then kept there for five days, being watched like a hawk as there was a potential for them to go septic. Finally, they got to come home, and officially try and recover. This was around 6 weeks of one income for the household. When they went back to work however, we quickly realized it would be impossible for them to continue working. Because of the surgery going wrong, and then again being sent to the hospital because said surgery went wrong, they now have a BUNCH of new medical issues. This has made work impossible for them currently. So fast forward to now, February 2025. I am still the only income in the household. Now while I would be more than okay with this, unfortunately our savings are now completely gone and I don’t make enough to keep us afloat much longer. This could be our last month where I can actually pay our rent and bills. I want to be able to keep the house, and keep my animals I mentioned prior. We have looked into rehoming them as we know it would be best, however, got no bites. And unfortunately, each of our animals have a medical condition of some sort that needs to be taken care of, and therefore we are not comfortable with sending them to a shelter. These animals are extremely important to us, so we want to be able to keep and care for them properly. Usually as an artist, I would take commissions. But as of right now I am not able to do so. Please, if anyone is able, we need your help. I will be linking my ko-fi. Thank you all for your time and consideration, and please spread the word

https://ko-fi.com/wiley0309

[nyoomfruits]

‘shush’ maxoscar or lestappen!

[ shush ] for a kiss to silence the other party

“The lease on my apartment is ending,” Oscar says, drops it in the middle of Max’s weirdly fond rant about the cats having developed the ability to open doors and using it mostly for evil. They’re sitting on the couch in Max’s apartment, Max’s toes tucked under Oscar’s thigh, Oscar’s feet resting on the little pouf in front of the couch. They’re both holding a half-eaten plate of stir fry, one of the few dishes Max can make without making Oscar wince repeatedly, half-watching an old episode of Friends on the TV.

“Oh,” Max says, frowns. “The Monaco one, you mean?”

Oscar nods. He got it last year, when he was in his second year of F1 still, and even though he’d just signed a multi-year contract with McLaren, it had felt presumptions, to assume this was going to be his home for a long time. And so he’d rented an apartment, just for the year, and see how he felt after.

And then Max had happened, right after the Hungary Grand Prix. Oscar had bumped into him at the party, mixed feelings about his own win, Max angry about his race, and they’d collided in something that was really only meant to blow off steam, on both sides really.

But then it had happened again. And again. And again. And then Oscar had started sleeping over at Max’s place more and more. They started spending time between races together, they started spending all of their time between races together. Oscar has a key now, to Max’s place, right next to the keys to his own apartment. One he hasn’t really been to in the past three months or so.

One of which the lease is ending soon.

“Yeah,” Oscar says. And he’s not asking any questions, because he’s bad at asking these questions, but Max has always been exceptional at reading him, so.

“Well, we will have sell most of the furniture, I think,” Max says, placing his fork down, because he still refuses to try and eat noodles with chopsticks. “Unless you want to keep some of it. But I hope not. That couch is quite ugly.”

“Thanks, Max,” Oscar says, but he can’t help but smile behind his own bite of noodle. It is a bit of an ugly couch, truth to be told. He hadn’t put that much thought into styling his apartment, just let the stylist at the store decide what he needed.

“You’re welcome,” Max says, smiling. “Anyway, do you think we would need a truck? Your clothes are mostly here already, we’ll have to take some of the decorations and stuff, the trophy’s obviously. Do you still have those plates from the one time I actually came over to your place for lunch? I quite liked those, maybe bring those. Maybe a truck is a bit much, I can ask Lando, he has this ridiculously large Range Rover for some reason, he might let me borrow it, we can shove all the stuff in the back. It’s not that far from your apartment to here, so it’s shouldn’t take us that long-“

And that’s, belatedly, when it hits Oscar. What Max is talking about. Why he’s so concerned about Oscar’s furniture and how he’s going to move it all and what he’s going to keep. Because to Max, the only really logical explanation is that he moves here. All Oscar had wanted was to open the conversation, talk about their future maybe. But to Max, their future has always been crystal clear.

It’s them. It’s here. It’s forever.

Oscar purposely puts his plate aside, leans forward, slow deliberate, takes Max’s plate away from him as well, and then, right in the middle of Max’s rant about Oscar’s decorative bed pillows, kisses him full on the mouth.

“Hey,” Max says, when he pulls away, looking slightly confused. “What was that for?”

“I love you,” Oscar says, because he doesn’t really know how else to say ‘I want that too’ and ‘thank you for everything you are’ and ‘you are my favorite person in the whole world’.

Max smiles, slow and soft and fond, and presses another kiss to Oscar’s lips. “I love you too,” he says, and then, just because he’s Max, adds, “Roomie.”

Oscar laughs, one that releases all the tension he’d been feeling about bringing this up, let’s his head fall forward against Max’s chest, takes in the familiar scent of laundry detergent and Max. “Don’t,” he warns.

Max laughs too, rubs his hand over Oscar’s back as Oscar picks his head off of Max’s chest and leans in for another slow, long kiss.

Roomies. Oscar will take it, if that means he gets to have this.

[samwellwinchesterthebrave]

BuckTommyFluffebruary day 9: Moving in Together

Day 9 of the challenge by @bucktommyfluffebruary

Our Place, Our Home

Read on ao3

Rating T / Words 1522

They were sitting on the couch in Tommy's house, a movie playing quietly on the tv. The only light came from a nightlight Tommy had installed in the hallway after he'd stubbed a toe one too many times in the night and the tv itself. Evan’s head was resting on his shoulder and Tommy was slowly working his fingers through the soft curls near his temple.

Things were going well, this time around. Their second six month anniversary had been a few weeks ago. They'd celebrated by going out to dinner (definitely not Micelli's) and exchanging small presents. Tommy had gotten Evan a book about his latest research fixation. Evan had gotten him paints for a hobby Tommy was picking up again. They were both delighted and had shared a kiss over the slice of molten brownie cake they’d ordered to split. The paints were perfect for the painting Tommy was working on now, in fact.

One he hoped would celebrate another milestone.

As the movie came to an end, neither made a move to turn it off. The credits rolled and the screen shifted back to the dvd menu, music playing quietly. Tommy turned his head to kiss the top of Evan's head. He didn't stop the slow movement of his fingers in his hair but it was hard to keep them steady. Butterflies roiled in his belly as he contemplated the question he was thinking of asking. Then, Evan turned his head a little deeper into Tommy’s neck, letting out a little pleased, purring sound. The warmth that spread through Tommy’s body eased some of the nerves.

Yeah. He wanted this. Wanted Evan. Forever. Now to see if he wanted it to.

He resolutely did not think about the fact that he was mirroring their first six month anniversary.

“Hey, Evan?” Tommy asked as Evan's breathing settled into a deep, slow pattern. “You still awake?”

“Mmm,” Evan hummed back, nuzzling his nose against the side of Tommy's neck. “Why?”

“I was talking to Howie the other day and he mentioned something,” Tommy started, struggling to keep his voice even. He didn't stop playing with Evan’s hair, taking some comfort in the soothing motion.

“Yeah? What did he say?” Evan asked, leaning back enough to meet Tommy’s eyes.

“He said that you were complaining that the lease on your place is up in a few months and they're upping your rent,” Tommy replied. He swallowed hard at the sudden intense expression in Evan's eyes. So he hurried on before he could back out. “And, if, you know, you didn't want to deal with it anymore, ah, maybe you could move in here? With me? Have it be our place?”

“Our place?” Evan repeated softly, the hand he'd had resting on Tommy's thigh tightening.

“Yeah, if, if you want,” Tommy nodded. “I know it's only been six months since we got together again but we've known each other for over a year now. I love you and I want to make a life with you. If you want. Maybe. If it's not too fast.”

“Too fast?” Evan chuckled then pulled Tommy in for a sweet kiss. “It's not too fast for me at all, sweetheart. I wanted us to live together the first time, remember? But are you sure? This isn't too fast for you? I can deal with my landlord, much as I might complain.”

Tommy kissed Evan again then leaned back so he could see his whole face. He needed to see what expression he had, what was in his eyes. Was he humoring him? Or did he really mean it? But all he saw was an earnest happiness on Evan's face. Tommy breathed out a sigh that released the anxiety he'd been feeling. The butterflies in his stomach settled and the warmth flamed along his limbs. He cupped Evan's cheek, rubbing his thumb along his cheekbone.

“It's not too fast for me. I want this, I want you here. So, is that a yes?” Tommy asked softly, a smile tugging at his lips. “Will you move in with me, Evan?”

“It's a yes,” Evan smiled and leaned into Tommy’s hand. “I want to be here. I'll definitely move in with you.”

Before Tommy could do more than smile wider, Evan lunged at him. He wrapped his arms around Tommy’s shoulders and crashed their mouths together. While they kissed, Evan used his weight to push Tommy down onto the couch. They kissed for a while, hands roaming over backs and down arms. Then Evan pulled back and stared down at Tommy with an expression that was half stricken and half anticipation.

“I'm gonna need to make so many lists,” Evan breathed, his voice hoarse. “Like, so many. Stuff to keep, stuff to donate, stuff to give to family or friends...”

“Not right now,” Tommy said firmly. He pulled Evan back down and whispered against his lips, “I have other plans for you right now.”

Evan laughed, kissing Tommy again, perfectly willing to be distracted.

~*~*~*~

A few months later, Tommy reflected that it was a good thing he loved Evan as he hauled boxes into the house. Standing in the kitchen was Evan, a few of the threatened lists in his hands. He smiled as he saw the word Kitchen written on the boxes in Tommy’s hands.

“Hey just set them down here and we can figure out where things go later,” Evan gestured at the kitchen table. “Is that the last of them? After my last trip, it only looked like there were a few left.”

“That's all of them,” Tommy sighed.

He headed to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. He closed his eyes and drank thirstily, tilting his head back. A few errand drops escaped his lips and tracked over his jaw and down his throat. He was distracted enough that he didn't see the sudden hungry expression of Evan's face. Though he did hear the small groan that rumbled in his throat. It was familiar and Tommy smirked as he turned his head and opened his eyes. He caught his breath at the sheer want on Evan's face.

“See something you like?” Tommy teased, tilting his head to the side a little. He felt another drop trickle over his neck and watched Evan's eyes follow it.

“Absolutely,” Evan declared, dropping the lists on the counter. Then he crowded Tommy back against the fridge and licked the droplet off his neck. “I think unpacking can wait, don't you?”

“Mmm, a bit,” Tommy murmured, catching Evan's lips in a kiss he deliberately kept light. “First, I have something for you.”

Tommy took Evan's hand and led him to the bedroom. There were boxes scattered here too but none on the bed. Neither of them had wanted to have to unpack anything to go to sleep later. Pushing Evan back towards the bed so he sat, Tommy made a waiting motion with his hands. Then he headed into the bathroom. Under the sink, a sure place he didn't think Evan would look in just yet, waited a square wrapped in pale blue tissue. It was about the size of a hardcover book, though much thinner.

When he brought the present back into the room, the butterflies filled his belly again. While they had decided to wait to have Evan fully move in until after his lease was up, Tommy was thankful for the extra time. It gave him the chance to perfect this gift. He held it out to Evan then sat next to him after he took it.

“For you,” Tommy murmured, nudging Evan's shoulder with his own.

“Tommy, I... I didn't get you anything,” Evan stammered, holding the present and staring wide-eyed at Tommy. “I, uh, didn't even think about it.”

“It's okay, I wasn't expecting one,” Tommy smiled then laughed. “Besides, it's my house. I wasn't the one who moved.”

“Okay, that's a good point,” Evan shook his head. “But thank you. I'm sure I'll love whatever it is.”

“Open it and find out,” Tommy urged, nudging Evan's shoulder again.

Evan nodded and tore into the tissue. Once it was all off, he held the square of canvas and stared at it slack-jawed. It was a painting of a picture Maddie had taken of the two of them. They were standing on the beach near the boardwalk. The sun shone above them, throwing gold highlights over both of them. Tommy was laughing, his head thrown back. Evan was looking at him with an adoring expression, his mouth wide in a pleased smile.

“It's... it's perfect,” Evan whispered, turning to Tommy with glistening eyes. “Did you make this?”

“Yeah,” Tommy said, a touch of pleased pride in his voice. “So, you like it?”

“Yes!” Evan exclaimed, setting the painting on the bed and pulling Tommy into a hug. “I love it, thank you. Where can I put it up?”

“Wherever you like,” Tommy offered, pressing a kiss over Evan's birthmark. “This is our place now.”

“Our home,” Evan whispered, tucking his face against Tommy’s neck. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Welcome home, baby.”

[angryschnauzer]

January 11th 2024

Yeah its been a while since i updated. I haven't had the energy to if i'm honest, but here we go.

Hubby had his brain surgery end of November '23. The tumour they took out was a nasty one, somewhere between the size of a golf ball and a kiwi fruit. The wound has healed well with little to no side affects apart from some double vision, but he was checked out for that and it is a common after affect of brain trauma and was remedied with an eyepatch for a few weeks.

We met with the Neuro Oncology team at Royal Marsden Hospital in London. They are one of the best (if not the best) cancer treatment centres in the whole country, and we worked through a treatment plan.

Just before Christmas hubby was also cleared to have shoulder reconstructive surgery (he broke his shoulder bone in the original seizures back at the end of October '23). There was a really small window of time between it being enough time after the brain surgery that he could go back under general anaesthetic, but also enough time to mostly heal before he started Radiotherapy and Chemo, so just 5 days before Christmas hubby was in and out of our local hospital in a single day to have that surgery.

Christmas was a quiet and subdued affair. I also herniated a disk in my back the day Hubby had surgery (i was clearing the deep freeze out ready for grocery delivery), so it meant both he and I were dosed up to our eyeballs on strong painkillers for most of the holiday, and Little Dude spent the majority of the break either playing video games or building his new lego sets.

Two days before Christmas i also had to have emergency dental work (i had been grinding my teeth and had previously cracked a tooth) and whilst i was in the dentists office some utter idiot crashed into my car. That was the last thing i needed but i simply handed it all over to my insurance company (who are aware of my husbands situation) and they arranged a hire vehicle and sorted repairs.

Onto the start of 2024. This is the first week of Radiotherapy and Chemo for Hubby. He is getting very tired and fatigued already from the Radiotherapy, but thankfully no nausea from the chemo as yet, but that could change over time. He is scheduled for a full schedule of 6 weeks of this dual treatment, where we are having to visit Royal Marsden every day Mon - Fri for the six weeks, and then he also takes the chemo 7 days a week for the six weeks.

He'll then have 4 to 6 weeks 'off' treatment for his body to relax and recuperate, but will have scans and MRI's during that time to gauge what further treatment will be, but its likely to be just chemo but a stronger dose, but no radiotherapy. The chemo is to be 3 weeks off one week on, so a 4 weekly cycle.

The one thing we have discovered isn't done is prognosis's. When we first got to Royal Marsden we were shocked as they started talking about years, and explained that although it was a really nasty tumour, it was found very early and whilst it was still relatively small for its kind. They've discussed things like 'this years treatment plan then we'll look at next years', and also for a while Hubby was being considered for a clinical trial which candidates who have prognosis's of 12 months+ are only considered for. In the end he didn't meet the criteria (his cholesterol was too high). The Macmillian Nurses also have been talking to us about Mobility Car assistance schemes where you can get govt assistance financially and get an adapted vehicle on a 2 year rolling lease. All these timings are reassuring in one way, but worrying in another - we have no idea what the future holds and it really does cement in stone that our time is limited and could end any moment, and makes it very difficult to make any long term plans. You don't realise how much of your life is preplanned until you end up in this situation and aren't sure if you can book your kid onto the school residential trip in 5 months time.

Should anyone want the mundane daily day-to-day life updates you can follow me on my personal instagram @simone_with_an_e its generally a load of utter boring bollocks, but i try to keep it updated daily with updates when i can as its a lot easier to do 1 short paragraph than a big update.

For me my mental health is a little better now that i've had time to process Hubby's diagnosis and that he is getting treatment. There are still days or hours when i fall apart, and it could be something as simple as listening to a song on the radio as i drive back from dropping Little Dude at school and i realise the song would be lovely at his funeral. I end up having to pull over and have a cry whilst switching the radio off. I'm loosing weight and aging quickly, my hair is turning grey from stress and i realised i've aged about 15 years in the last 3 from stress. My appetite comes and goes, and things like red meat now turn my stomach and i can't digest it. But i also haven't drunk alcohol since the day before Hubby had his seizure back in October. I feel like i need to stay 'alert' in case i need to rush him to the hospital for something. I don't miss it as such, but I miss the ability to fully relax. Its hard to describe but i feel like at the moment i've lost myself and am just functioning to care for those around me, going through the motions as such.

Anyway, this has been a long update. I do still lurk here, you may see me pop up in notifications liking something, but at the moment i don't feel its right to start putting fandom stuff back on here yet. I do hope to get back to writing at some point. I miss it and the unfinished stories plague my mind as i have such lovely plans for story arc's and really want to finish them.

Take care all,

Schnauz

xxx

[sweaterkittensahoy]

What 2025 looks like vaguely

I gotta get this hip shit figured out. My bad hip is still aching daily, and I am definitely spending more time doing the PT exercises that move the joint back into place than I used to. Had to do it first thing this morning, in fact, because I woke up and a spot in my foot ached that only aches when there's referred pain from my hip. The good news, the exercises did the job. The bad news, that's the third or fourth time this week I've needed to do those exercises. So, I have to get that shit unfucked.

I also have to call the radiology clinic to schedule for the follow-up to the special mammogram/ultrasound because my boob meat shifted after surgery, and now there's a spot that looks iffy via the regular mammogram. I did the first round of the special testing and basically disassociated the whole time (I have PTSD around any sort of cancer shit), and this is just the follow-up. But I just got the final part of the billing from last time figured out right before the holidays, and then the holidays, so now I have to call them to set the appointment. Then I have to call my GP to schedule the annual that got cancelled on me several weeks ago that they were supposed to call to reschedule but haven't, and I also need them to reset my portal password so I can actually get the referral information for the ADHD testing that I tried to set up last year, but then forgot about for months at a time because to get the info, I'd have to call the clinic for the password reset, and I had the boob scare and now the hip pain increasing so it's been hard to focus on the whole 'need to set up testing for a whole new fucking thing'.

No joking about how ADHD vibing that story is. Sean has it covered (he has ADHD, so he fucking knows).

Anyway, that's the health shit that isn't 'need to find a therapist again' because look, I can only do this shit one or two bits at a time, and I'll knock out three things at once (boob check, hip referral, testing) by making the first phone call, then making the second phone call, so let's just put a pin in a therapist until I've had my delayed annual.

House-wise, we have decided to stay where we are. We did like the townhouse we saw a whole lot and we could absolutely swing the rent increase no problem. But if we stay where we are, we get to stay in the neighborhood we like very much and the rent increase even going to a month-to-month lease is still noticeably less than what the new place would be. Sean's going to dedicate some time to researching how the fuck one buys a house or condo or just a dwelling, let's say. And we're going to focus on decluttering and also upgrading some of our furniture. We don't have an issue with keeping things we don't want, but we do have an issue with keeping things neat and like, dusted. So, that's the focus. Cleaning and dusting and being realistic about what stays in the house. I've actually gotten pretty good at going through my stuff every few months and removing things I realize I really don't want anymore, but with our limited storage options in the apartment, it's kind of an ongoing battle. Getting rid of all my heels last year helped a lot. The shoe storage hanger in the office is no longer needed, so that space feels slightly larger, which is nice. But there's yarn and books and jewelry that all need sorting, and we want to replace the coffee table and my side table with options made of real wood.

There's a vintage furniture place we love that also does custom builds with a mid-century vibe. We replaced my previous desk with a custom-sized desk from them, and they also do coffee tables that you can just grab up off their show floor if they're the right size. The side table will have to be a custom order because I want basically what I have but longer, so I need it to be a very particular height. Honestly, I may just deal with a pile of notebooks and crochet hooks for a few weeks and just take them the current side table to build against. It's not as cheap as hitting Ikea (and we love Ikea), but it's also built of solid wood and metal legs, so it'll last forever, and the designs are clean, which I love.

We also have con in March, as always. Very much excited for that. Currently no other travel plans, and after the intentional trip down south for a visit last year, then us traveling together in July and then Sean having to go alone at the top of December for the grandparent funerals, I'm happy to stay close to home as long as possible.

Bean's got to get a teeth cleaning, which we're planning for in April, most likely. Our wedding anniversary is in May, and I think I wanna either plan a proper Staycation or maybe spend a weekend up the mountain or out at the Gorge. That's all still loose and does not require effort at the moment. Honestly, until after con, I don't need to put any hard thought into any plans. Con is fucking awesome and also a LOT. I can't wait but also it's about a two-week recovery time after just from the casual social aspect of being surrounded by people the whole time.

Anyway, that's 2025 to start. There's crochet plans, but let's be real: that's a whole different post.

[lamardeuse]

lay my body on the line

by lamardeuse

911 || Buck/Eddie || Rated T || c. 2700 words

Written for @911actions thanks to the kind donation of @oliversbuck. Hope you enjoy!

Prompt 408: While on call, someone attacks/hurts Buck, and Eddie gets protective (Include lines for Eddie saying, “Buck, it’s me. It’s Eddie.”)

There were days, Eddie felt, when getting out of bed was a mistake.

Of course, he always got out of bed anyway, because there was work to do or groceries to buy or a fourteen-year-old to feed and drive to school – but that didn't make it any less of a mistake.

It didn't help that staying in bed had gotten a lot more appealing lately. And some mornings Eddie found it literally hard to move, like when there was a tree trunk of a thigh slung across his legs.

“Hey,” Eddie said, shoving ineffectually at the owner of the tree trunk in question. “Wake up.”

“Hnnnfffnhhh.”

“Time to get up.”

“Five more minutes.”

“You're worse than Christopher.” Eddie kissed Buck's forehead. “Fine. Five more minutes.”

With a hum of satisfaction, Buck laid his head on Eddie's chest and closed his eyes again. Eddie stroked a hand through Buck's hair and tried to ignore the pounding in his chest. For weeks now, he'd been putting off this conversation, but the warm weight of Buck in his bed – a bed he’d been thinking of as theirs for longer than he wanted to admit – spurred him on.

“So I've been thinking.”

“Yeah?”

“You've been spending a lot of time here the last few months. In fact, you're here more than you're at your own place.”

Eddie felt the exact moment Buck's whole body went completely still, but now that he'd started he couldn't stop. “I don't know if your lease is up soon, but you could – I don't know, maybe if it isn't you could sublet? I mean, if that's something you want to do.”

Buck raised his head slowly. “Eds,” he rasped. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

Eddie bit his lip. “Are you saying it's a bad idea?”

“No, I'm – it's just kind of a surprise. It's only been four months.”

“This has been your second home for years, Buck.”

“Are you – are you sure about this? You told me you asked Marisol to move in too quickly, and asked her to move out before she had a whole box unpacked.”

“And you asked Taylor to move in with you because you didn't want to come clean about Lucy.” Buck flinched slightly; Eddie cupped his jaw and swept a thumb over his cheekbone. “I know neither of us has a great track record, but – that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.”

Buck’s gaze searched his face for a few seconds, and Eddie could feel his pulse rate approaching imminent stroke territory. As Buck opened his mouth to speak, Eddie panicked.

“You don't have to answer me now, okay? Just – think about it.”

Buck stiffened, then nodded. “Sure, I’ll – I’ll do that.” He gave Eddie a quick kiss before pushing himself upright. “Guess that five minutes is up. Mind if I hit the shower first?”

“No, go ahead,” Eddie murmured.

As soon as Buck closed the door behind him, he rolled over and tried to smother himself with the pillow. To his great disappointment, it didn’t work.

read the rest at the AO3

[janicho88]

When It All Falls Apart - Chapter 11

Pairing- ex!Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 4,674

Warnings- Some language. Dealing with a breakup. Sad reader. Angst, If I missed something let me know!

A/N-II'm interested to see what you all think about this one. Jensen is wrapping up his time in Toronto, and this brings a visitor to Austin. A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural.  Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns.  Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right?  While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere.  Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

The nice thing about your first day on Walker?  It was everyone’s first day.  When you joined Supernatural, they had already been working together for a couple seasons.  You were the new kid who had to figure out where she fit in on her brother's playground.   

There were a few scenes with the whole Walker family, so you had a chance between takes and set ups to get to know your new cast mates.  You and Keegan, hit it off.  During one of the breaks, you can’t help but ask what it was like working on Pretty Little Liars.  He laughs at that.

“Dude, that show was my guilty pleasure.  Please?” you plead.  “Did you know the ‘A’ secrets ahead of time?  What were the girls like?”

“You do know the show wrapped right?  Like a few years ago.”

“Yes, I saw the finale.  It was nuts.”

“It was,” he laughs again.

“Please Toby won’t you share?” you ask with a laugh.

Shaking his head at your use of his PLL character’s name he responds, “maybe another time when I don’t have to be Liam in a few minutes.”

He takes some pictures and behind the scenes videos and posts them on his Instagram, announcing the first day of filming, tagging you, Jared and a few other cast mates.

The rest of the work week goes by very quickly.  Before you know it, it’s Saturday and you are loading up your car and Jared’s truck with the rest of your things.  The four of you make the trip over to your new place.  You and Jared start to unload his truck while Gen and Tom watch,  stepping away from the  truck a box is taken out of your hand, shocking you.  Turning you see Jeff holding it with a smile.

“Surprise.  Couldn’t let that one over there take all the credit for helping you.  Plus, I have to know where I can find my little sister too.”

You laugh at that, “Thanks, I appreciate the help.  Ulterior motivated, but still help.”  Grabbing another box you lead them all upstairs to your new apartment.  

Unlocking the door, you let them all in before following.  You don't notice the look Jared and Jeff share.  Gen bites her bottom lip as she looks around before raising her eyebrows at Jared.  

“It’s small in here,” Tom is the first to speak.

‘Yeah, but it’s just me, so it’s alright,” you tell him.

“It’s cute,” Gen finally speaks up.

Jared doesn’t want her carrying anything, so she and Tom stay in the apartment and she begins opening some of the boxes of clothes while the three of you carry in the rest.  It doesn’t take long to get everything inside.  Some of your things are still at still stored at your brother's place.

“How long of a lease did you sign?” Jeff carefully asks once everything is unloaded..

“It was only available for four months.”

“Good,” he answers without thinking. “To know, so you won’t be able to hide from us,” he quickly finishes

“I don’t think you could hide from anything in here,” Jared mumbles, but you don’t hear him.

You had gone to help Gen in the bedroom area and come back to your two brothers in the kitchen.  It looks even smaller than before with them standing in it.  You finally get everyone to clear out, and you are alone for your first night in your new place. 

It was a restless night; it will take some time to get used to a new place, especially one with so many outside noises.  There is a text from Jared asking how your first night went, and you respond before walking to the kitchen.   The empty cupboards and fridge dictate your plans after a shower.  Heading to the grocery store, you grab what you need to get you through the week. 

The following week has you scheduled for four days of filming.  You spend your off days in your apartment, or at the onsite gym and pool.  Gen and Tom stop by on Tuesday, your nephew was having a hard time not seeing you as frequently as he had become used to.  He asked for a snack, but wasn’t happy with what was in your cupboard. Protein bars just aren’t his thing apparently.  On Thursday you receive a text from Kenzie.

Mack-Hey lady!  How are you doing?  I’ll be in Austin this weekend, are you free Sunday?

You- Hi Kenz, I don’t know of anything going on.

Mack- Great! Are you up for grabbing lunch or shopping? Something?

You-Yeah, sure.  Whatever you feel like.

You haven’t talked to her since your birthday.  You’d be lying if you said you weren’t nervous about seeing her now that you and Jensen were no longer together.  She had to know by now right?

Tom comes to set with Gen on Friday, he walks over and hands you a bag when you finish filming your scene.  

“Thanks bud, what’s this?”

“It’s for your new home.”

You open it up and find a big box of goldfish crackers inside.

“Oh, uh..thanks Tom.”

“Dad says Unca Jensen comes home this weekend.  Now you have something for him, not those yucky bars.”

“Great.  Thanks.”

Gen gives you a side hug as he runs to his dad.  “Sorry, we haven’t explained the break up to him yet.”

“That’s alright.”

Jared, carrying Tom over his shoulder, makes his way over. “Hey, we’re doing tacos tonight.  Do you want to come over for dinner?”

“Thanks, but I have plans tonight.”

“Plans? You never have plans.  What are they?” your brother pushes.

“None of our business,” Gen answers while pushing him away.  “We’ll see you later, Y/N.”

So your plans might have been watching movies with a bag of popcorn on the couch, but they were still plans right?  You could handle being on your own again just fine.

Up in Toronto, Jensen is going through his apartment.  Checking that he has everything all packed up. Filming wrapped the day before, there is a get together tonight and then he is out of here tomorrow.  A majority of his things were shipped out earlier in the week.  He just has two suitcases and a carry on going back with him tomorrow. The benefit of renting a fully furnished place, there isn’t as much to take or bring back. 

Not finding anything he missed, he sits down on the couch next to his carryon.  Pulling open the front pocket he removes the black box he has looked at every night since he found it.  In a way it has become a reminder of his failures.  Just over a month ago he would have been excited to be going back to Austin and being with his girl.  Now he was just going back to Austin.

Jensen is standing next to one of the bars set up around the room that evening, when Eric finds him.  

“How are you doing?” his friend asks.

“Alright, you?”

“I’m fine, but I’m not the one with problems at home.  Ya buy your knee pads yet?”

“You’re hilarious, Eric.  I’m not sure what’s going to happen there.”

The two talk for a bit before Eric moves on to make his rounds among the cast and crew. He talks with Karl and Chase, before they move on to other groups.  Claudia keeps seeming to pop up at his side, but he isn’t up to talking much with her.  When Jensen feels he has been there for a suitable amount of time, he says his farewells.

He crashes on the couch that night, his bed already stripped.  The next morning comes too soon as he quickly showers and throws on travel clothes and a hat to head to the airport and his early morning flight.  

Thankfully, there aren’t too many people at the airport at 5 am, and he is able to get through check-in and security without too much of a wait.  Finding a coffee is the first thing on his list once he’s past security.  Taking a muffin with him, he slowly makes his way down to the terminal to wait for the flight to board.  The closer it gets to take off the more the seats fill up.  He pulls the baseball cap down a little lower to try and avoid being recognized.  

The three and half hour flight is a rougher one, good thing he’s gotten used to flying over the years.  He is surprised to see Mackenzie waiting for him after he grabs his luggage, he had been planning on just grabbing a taxi to drop him off a few houses down from his.  She walks over to give him a hug and grabs the handle of one of his three bags.

“Hey, how was the flight?”

“Awful.  What are you doing here?”

“Good to see you too, brother dear.”

“I just wasn’t expecting you.”

“Mom told me you were flying in, and gave me the flight details.  I didn’t think you had anyone else picking you up.”

“Yeah, not this time.”  Neither one brings up that it should have been you there instead.

The rest of the walk to the car is a quiet one, once it’s loaded they are off to his place.  Before she can start asking questions, he turns the radio up to discourage conversation.  Luckily, she lets it go, he just doesn’t know the reason she didn’t put up a fight. Once Kenzie pulls into his  driveway she gets out and grabs another bag from the backseat, along with one of Jensen’s.  He gives her a questioning look when he notices it while walking to the front door.

“I’m crashing here tonight, I need some catch up time.  Figured, I could help make sure the house was in order before I left.”

“Did mom just mention that I was coming home, or she send you down?”

She just smiles and continues past him to the door.  “Are you going to come open this or what?”

“This why you didn’t push to talk in the car?  You knew you weren’t just going to drop me off.”

“Whatever would I push you to talk about?” she questions with a smirk.

With a shake of his head, Jensen unlocks the door and heads inside to shut off the alarm. He sets his bags by the stairs and heads to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen. He walks past the counter, pauses and turns back to look at it.  Sitting near the edge is a house key and a garage remote, the ones he gave you.  He stares at them a moment before continuing to the fridge, but instead of pulling out a water he walks out of the kitchen with a beer.

“Little early for that, don’t you think?” his sister questions.

“It’s almost noon in Toronto right now,” he replies as he sits down on the couch.

“You want to talk about it?” She asks, sitting across from him.

“Toronto’s a nice place, but I’ve been there before.”

“I didn’t mean the city, Jay.”

“The cast? The show?  They were both great, but mom is so not allowed to watch.”

“Jensen, I was referring to Y/N and you know it.”

He’s quiet before replying to Mack, “next topic.”

“Jay, what happened?” she softly pushes.  “When you were home Father’s Day weekend, you said everything was good.”

“Why did no one tell me it was Father’s Day weekend?” He tries to change the subject.

“I guess we thought you knew, and would be home that weekend for Y/N’s birthday anyway.”

He looks at his sister, “You knew it was her birthday?”

“Mom and I knew it was on Saturday, yes.”

“No one said anything.  But you both asked if I saw her, you could have said why.”

“Really?  We both thought you knew,  you were always on top of those things especially with Y/N.  When you said you were busy Saturday, we figured it was with her.  When we talked to Y/N that day, she was here waiting for you to come home.  She told mom she thought you saying you had meetings was to surprise her.  Not one of us ever expected you to forget her birthday.”

Hearing this, Jensen felt even worse than before about forgetting your birthday.

“What happened?”

Hanging his head with a sigh, he shrugs.  “I don’t really know.  I guess time went faster than I thought.  I knew filming was coming to an end in a few weeks, but I still didn’t put it together that it was already into June.  Not until I was back on set the next week.”  

“Did you talk to her about it?”

“I meant to.  Guess I had it in my head that I did, but I found her gift in my safe last week.  I never gave it to her.”

“Did she really come up to Toronto to break up with you, like that chick said in the interview?”

He looks up in confusion, before it dawns on him. “You mean Claudia?  I don’t know how she even found out about it.  Jared said he and Gen were hoping things would be better if she came up and saw me, so I guess breaking up wasn’t her intent when she arrived.”

“So something happened when she was there?”

“I guess.”

“Care to elaborate?  Something tells me that’s a big part of the story.”

He gives her a brief recap of that weekend, he had work things, she was on her own.  The group went out for dinner and Kripke ran into her and invited her along.  “I might have been upset about that, and maybe didn’t handle it in the right way,” he finishes up.

“What’s not the right way?”

“I might have pushed her to leave the restaurant.”

“Jensen, you didn’t.  You friggin idiot.”

He nods, “when I got back to the apartment her bag was packed and she was waiting for me.  She said,” he pauses as he wills the tears forming away, “that she couldn’t do whatever us was, didn’t even know what we were anymore.  That she wasn’t important to me.  My life was too busy and she didn’t fit in it anymore.”

“What did you say when she said this?”

“That I didn’t know what she was talking about, and everything I do is for the two of us.”  In a quieter voice he says, “might have told her to be out of the house before I got back too.”

Mack is quiet as she takes in everything he said.  

Jensen continues before she can speak.  “Talked to Jare at the last convention.  He said she’s been hurting for a while, because of how things were.  I never saw it.”

“Wow.  One, you’re an ass.  Two, you didn’t have any inkling she was feeling any of that?  Had she mentioned anything before when you guys talked?”

He hangs his head once again, “That was the other thing they both said, we didn’t talk anymore.”

“Is that true?”

He just shrugs, looking around the room.  His eyes settle on the dvd laying by the tv.  It was the last one you two had watched together.  

“I just always thought you two would be forever,” Mack comments. 

“Me too, already bought the ring.”

“You did?” 

He just nods.

“Are you going to try and fix things?” 

“She deserves better,” he finally mumbles.

Mackenzie doesn’t get anything else out of him.  Leaving him alone for a bit, she works on dusting and vacuuming before coming back to try and get him to go to the grocery store with her, but he won’t leave the couch.  His bags stay by the stairs, and she notices he is on his third beer before she leaves for the store.

Returning an hour later, he is still in the same spot.  The third bottle of beer was the last one in the house, so at least he didn't have anything more to drink while she was gone.  The only thing different is the jar of peanut butter and spoon sitting in front of him.

“Alright, time to take your luggage upstairs.  Come on, let’s move.”

She finally gets him upstairs, and starts on a light dinner while he’s busy.  The rest of the evening is a quiet one.  Mack isn’t sure if she should be surprised or not over how bad he is taking the breakup.  She can’t help but wonder what kind of shape you are going to be in tomorrow.

When your alarm goes off Sunday, it takes a moment for you to realize why you even set it.  Oh yeah, shopping and lunch with Kenzie.  Dragging yourself out of bed you make your way to the bathroom to get ready. 

A text comes through while you are drying your hair.

Mack-I’m almost ready, do you want me to swing by and pick you up?

You- You don’t have to do that.

Mack- I want to, that we can spend more time together.

You- If you’re sure.

After entering your new address you hit send and quickly finish your hair and makeup.  As you are making sure you have everything you need in your purse, there is a knock at the door.  Opening it up, you find a smiling Mackenzie on the other side.  She gives you a hug before walking in and looking around.

“This is…um.  Where’s the rest of it?” she finally asks.

“Good to see you too, Kenz.”

“It’s always good to see you, Y/N.  But seriously, is there more to this place?  I’m standing in the living room and so are your kitchen and bedroom.”

“It’s not that bad,” you defend.  “There’s a pool and a gym that I have access to.”

“Great.”

“I was just checking my purse, then I’m ready.”

Throwing the apartment keys in your bag after locking the door you follow Kenzie out to the car.  She doesn’t ask any questions as she drives to Barton Creek Square, just talks about what she has been up to lately.  After she parks at the JCPenny’s entrance the two of you get out and head inside.  

Walking through the department store, you browse the first floor before riding the escalator to the second.  Mackenzie is looking through the toddler clothes for her nephew Levi, while you find yourself wondering over to the baby department.  You don’t hear her walk over to you, as you are looking through the bottom shelf.  Noticing the feet beside you, you look up at her sad face.

“What’s wrong?” you question, standing up.

She just shakes her head.

“I’ve known you too long for that, what’s up?”

“It’s just, I didn’t used to think it would be too much longer and I would be picking up these for your and Jay’s baby.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up, I just...”

A sad smile spreads over your face, “There have been a few that have caught my eye, where I’ve thought Jens would love this one.  I get it.  Let’s get out of here.”

After both of you pay for the items you picked up, you walk out into the mall’s second story.   Checking out the shops as you pass, nothing catches your eye before you reach the center of the mall. 

Deciding to walk toward the end with Dillard's first, you turn to the right.  Browsing through a few stores, you once again make your way to the middle and head down to the other end.

“California Pizza Kitchen, was down this way right?” Mack asks.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Want to grab lunch?”

“Sure.”

You walk down one side and look through those stores before coming back up the other aisle.  You don’t know who you forgot about the store right next door to the restaurant.

Coming up to the Dallas Cowboys Pro Shop, you stop.  Kenzie is almost to the restaurant when she realizes you aren’t with her.  Turning around she sees you staring into the previous shop.

“Did you want to go in there first?”

“No, no, I’m good.”  With one last look you make your way over to the restaurant.

As you order drinks and food, Kenzie can pick up on a dip in your mood, just like in JCPenny’s.

“What’s on your mind, and before you say nothing, remember I know you too.”

Giving her a small smile, you look down at the table as you answer.  “I don’t think I’ve made a trip here where I haven’t gone to the Pro Shop and picked something up for Jensen.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“The store?”

She gives you a bitch face, “Oh my god you are as bad as my brother!”

You give her a tight smile and look around the crowded restaurant. “Not here.”

Mack understands what you mean, “Alright, I’ll let it go for now.”

She asks about Walker, and the Netflix mini series that wrapped up.  You ask how Jeremy, her parents, and brother’s family are.  Jensen used to keep you up on all of that.  Conversation died down when the pizza and bread arrived.  The leftovers are boxed up when the two of you are finished and put in a bag to go. 

Having walked the second floor of the mall, you take the escalator down to the first floor to check out those stores.  After browsing Bath and Body Works new scents you manage to leave that store empty handed.  A new pair of workout shoes, and some workout pants are all that catch your attention.  It was obvious to Kenzie, your heart and mind just aren’t into this shopping trip. After a quick stop at the Cheesecake Factory for dessert to go and Soul Popped for some popcorn, the two of you are on your way back to your place. 

Jensen receives a call from Jared, while Kenzie is out doing whatever it was she had to do this afternoon.

“Hey man.”

“Hey Jare.”

“Um, So are you back in town?”

“Yeah, got back last night.”

“That’s…that’s good.”

“Yeah.”

There was a little bit of awkward silence the two of them didn’t usually have.  It seems like they aren’t really sure where their friendship stands.

“Well, Tom keeps asking about you, and I told him I would call and see if you wanted to come over and hang by the pool?”

Jensen bites down on his lip as he thinks over the invitation.  It used to be a no brainer, but after the conversation with his sister yesterday he really doesn’t think he can face Y/N right now.

“I miss my little buddy, but I don’t know if today will work.  Kenzie’s in town today.  She had something to go out and do, but I expect her back anytime and I don’t know what she has planned.”

“Oh, alright.  Have a nice time with your sister.”

“Thanks.  Maybe we can take him down to the park he likes one day this week?”  Jensen throws his head back, usually it’s you taking Tom out with him.

“Sure, I’ll check my and Gen’s filming schedule for this week and see what we have going on.”

“Sounds good.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later then Jackles.  Have a good one.”

“Thanks Jpad.  See ya.”

Mack pulls into the empty parking spot near your apartment and hops out.  She grabs the leftovers from lunch while you carry the cheesecake and your purchases.  You set the shopping bag on your bed and take the dessert to the kitchen where she is already putting the pizza in the fridge.  She starts opening the few cupboards looking for plates and utensils for the cheesecake.  You help her out before you both move over to the couch.

“Alright now are you ready to talk about it?  And if you even think about saying, ‘about what,’ I’m going to scream.”

Setting the barely touched desert down, you sit back on the couch and look at your friend.  “I guess I just don’t fit in his life anymore.  I think he’s ready to move on to his new co-star anyway.”

“For what it’s worth, I think my brother is a major idiot, but he hasn’t moved on to anyone else.” 

“I was… was just convenient when we were working together in Vancouver.  He never had time to talk anymore.  I had to call him, I think he’s called me once in the last few months.  I went to see him, and other things came up that were more important than spending time together.”  You shrug not sure what else to say.  

“What could have been more important than seeing you?” she questions.

“Going out with his castmates for drinks or golfing.”

“Shit, I’m sorry for all that.  I really am.  Mom and I were so surprised to hear you two broke up.”

You just nod your head. “I wasn’t sure what he’d tell you.”

“We heard from the interview.  Honestly, he has barely talked to any of us lately either.”

“Oh, so you heard I went up there just to break up with him.  That’s not how it happened.”

“I know.”

You stop and stare at her.

“He talked to me a little bit last night about Toronto, and what happened that weekend.  Eventually he told me what he did and what happened.  I don’t blame you at all.”

“Thanks.” 

You can’t help the tears that begin to flow.  Kenzie puts down her plate and scoots closer to wrap you in a big hug.

“I really thought he was it for me, you know,” you manage to get out between sobs.

“I know, I know, honey,” Kenzie squeezes you tighter and curses out her brother in her head.  

When you finally calm down she moves back.  You get up to go wash your face.  She has the television on Hallmark when you return.  The two of you watch the Christmas in July movie in silence while you pick at your cheesecake.

“Okay, but what is the deal with this place?” she finally asks.

You look around and shrug.  “It came fully furnished.  I sold all my furniture when I moved to Texas and in with your brother.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, his house was set.  We didn’t need the hassle of moving more than my clothes and personal items.”

“So that’s why you got this place?”

“Yeah.  And it didn’t need a long term contract.”

“So are you still looking for another place?”

Biting your lip you study the blonde in front of you.  “Can you keep this to yourself?”

“Of course.”

“I’m thinking of moving back to L.A. at the end of the year.”

“What! Why?”

“Because everything here reminds me of your brother.  I just can’t handle being reminded of him all the time.  Being with Jensen was the reason I moved here in the first place.”

“What about Walker?”

“I think I’m going to see if they can scale back how often my character is on.  Maybe be just a guest star or something.”

“Oh wow.”   A minute later she softly asks, “Do you still love him?”

Closing your eyes and shaking your head you almost whisper “I don’t want to.  I shouldn’t, he’s probably already moving on.  I just can’t get that through to my heart.”

There isn’t much more said after that.  The movie neither of you have been paying attention to, finishes, and Kenzie gets up to leave.  She gives you a big hug before descending the steps.

“Call me if you ever need anything.  I’m still here for you, so are my parents.  Love ya girl!” she calls out.

“Thanks Mack.  Same goes for you.  Love you, drive safe!”  You watch her pull out before heading back inside.  Grabbing a bag of popcorn you collapse down on the couch with your Hallmark movies for company.  When the heroine eventually finds her Mr. Right, you can’t help the tears that fall thinking how you lost yours.

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 12

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[charlesandmartine]

Monday 7th October 2024

The day started a little slowly partly due to the realisation of exhaustion but hey, there's a city awaiting outside. First stop was a so called initiation to HK, a visit to bakehouse. This baker's outlet seems to have something of a reputation and anyone who is anyone needs to be seen there, and has their photo taken holding a bakehouse blue bag. So we had to do just that having purchased a couple of croissants and a sausage roll. Breakfast done, we set off for Kowloon Walled City. Today this is a peaceful garden but hidden behind this facade lies an intriguing history. The British occupied HK in 1841, but in Kowloon 1846 the Qing government started to build a walled garrison city. So far so good, but of course in 1898 the British government signed a 99 year lease on HK. Accounts kind of differ, but the jist seems to be that the walled city was forgotten in the general rush to sign on the dotted, and both sides kind of thought it must surely be theirs. What seems to have happened is that the Qing soldiers were politely invited to leave by the British. Things were about to heat up, but skirmishes were happening elsewhere which became a bit of a distraction for team Qing. Somehow post 1899 the Walled City became somewhat overlooked in the law and order department as well. Between 1941 and 1945 the city was occupied by the Japanese; during this time the walls and watchtowers were demolished. After the war, still without government supervision, living conditions deteriorated even further; illegal buildings went up at a phenomenal rate and vise, drugs, prostitution and lawlessness abounded until 1987 when the British and the Chinese governments finally said, enough's enough, let's knock the lot down. At this point in time 40,000 people lived and worked here but in absolute squalor. And then finally the area came under the law and jurisdiction of HK. The almshouses are just a few of the original buildings remaining, but its history is now recalled and recorded through the gardens and exhibitions. A great visit.

A taxi ride away was our next port of call; The Ten Thousand Buddhas Monastery on the mountain behind Shatin Pai Tau village. The Monastery was founded in 1949 by the Rev Yuet Kai and was completed in 1957. The Reverend sadly passed in 1965 but he left very clear instructions of what was to happen. His Monks being generally of a good and obedient nature did as they were told, which was to dig him up after 8 months and they found, just as he predicted, his body was completely unchanged! Rather than just agree that frankly he always did look a bit thin, they covered his body with Chinese lacquer and gold leaf and then popped him in a sitting position in a glass case in front of the altar where he still was this afternoon. And jolly well he looked too, although with slightly too much make up on I'd say. To both sides and behind him are some 12,800 little Buddha statues; each unique with a different posture. We think they most likely represented a life each.

On the site are 5 temples and 4 pavilions. The steep pathway leading up to the temples is lined with 500 life sized gold Buddhas. The whole thing was fascinating and such a contrast to the visit to the Walled City. However, perhaps our next port of call would prove even more of a difference.

A taxi conveyed us on to the HK Museum of History, or the History according to the Chinese Government.

This exhibition celebrates 75 years of the People's Republic of China. As an exhibition held in HK clearly it was a golden opportunity to put a bit of a spin on the thing to convince everybody that all's good and things are going to get even better! Now to start with there was some English on the exhibit boards. Then it became all Chinese but with just a little tiny title line in English. So we were now rather limited in understanding. A reasonable synopsis would be this. China has achieved this huge amount in 75 years: Economic success, eliminated poverty, eliminated unemployment, increased health, on track to make China number one educator in the world, built the longest bridge in the world, is feeding its people, eliminating homelessness, provided safety for all its citizens, built a huge navy, built the largest train network in the world, is eliminating fossil fuels by investing heavily in renewable technolgies, being the world experts in nuclear power, conserving water with new dams...... and so it goes on. All in all we have done a jolly good job! In other words, a utopian dream. To make sure we all feel even more cosy, the point is well made by firmly establishing the link between HK and the motherland. Just as you are leaving, to ensure you are fully signed up we have ' National Security is the bedrock of national rejuvenation. Social stability is a prerequisite for building a strong and prosperous China'. Sounds like a contract to me!

Well I'm right there with them with that! The 3D film about warships and other big achievements was also very good.

This has been a great day, action packed. To finish it Liam took us to a fantastic restaurant below the Standard Charter Bank office tower; MOTT No.32 Hong Kong, one of the most awarded Chinese restaurants in the world, its website says. It owes its provenance to its namesake in New York. It was a great meal, tucking into lobster, pork, beef and a whole duck, washed down with an extremely expensive SB. Delicious. We are very grateful to Liam and Almond for so generously showing us their HK and also their hospitality these last few days. Tomorrow evening we fly to Sydney, but we shall return to HK in January on the way home.

ps. No calamari tonight

[the-empress-7]

What what face can Charles reprimand Harry when Camilla has been busy promoting her own son, the chef/journalist for the past couple of years. He is a almost a permanent fixture on events related to the queens reading room. Has been since 2020. Her twin sister Anabel is seen lording her royal connections everywhere. She is supposedly an interior decorator for Charles various vacation homes. So Charles cannot, with his full chest, ask Harry to stand down.

And you know, it's not even the hypocrisy. I'm pretty sure that Harry does have some sort of a deal with his father, always had. I think he still gets some money and some sort of a royal endorsement. The only public punishment he got was taking away his military titles, and he was probably given a pretty cushy deal in return for it. The palace, the staff, the advisors, the senior royals can't possibly all be collectively THAT stupid and THAT blindsided every single time, every 6 months.

This is not a case of the boy crying wolf. This is a case of the frog slowly being boiled in a cauldron and being none the wiser. We, the public, are the frog.

The taking away of the honorary titles wasn't even a punishment, it was simply an unavoidable consequence of Harry "quitting".

The closest thing to a consequence was not renewing the lease on Frogmore Cottage, but then again the whole reason they got that lease to begin with was because they became full time working royals upon getting marries. So again, the FC eviction wasn't a punishment either, it was simply an avoidable consequence of them "quitting".

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

—1D Monthly Fic Roundup—

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for February 2023! Below you’ll find 1D fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup​. You can find all our other posts here.

Happy reading!

＊ Promise That You Won't Forget We Had It All by @crochetsunsets [E, 33k+, wip, Harry/Louis]

"Louis understood one thing to be true above all else. The summer brought with it a stream of possibilities. New faces meant new friends, even if just for a few months at a time. New friends meant new experiences. New experiences, for Louis, indicated that life was, undeniably, worth living–not everything always had to be the same. And, as May would soon fade into June, Louis promised himself that if life came calling, he would follow the path offered by its song."

or Louis lives and works in a small, ocean side town. Left desolate for the majority of the year, warmth breathes life into Kingston each summer as tourists and part-time residents alike fill the town limits. Harry hasn't been back for the summer since he was a teen, and where Kingston appears to have remained the same, he has a lot to learn about the residents who have changed.

A series of long summers.

＊ Melting into You by cherrylarry / @beelou [T, 1k, Zayn/Liam]

The front door to their house closes and Liam sighs with a smile, He turns to Zayn standing next to him and kisses him on the lips. “A whole weekend to ourselves. Can you believe it?”

“It doesn’t quite seem real, but it is.” Zayn says, going in for another kiss.

“It’s still early. Our reservation isn’t for another four hours,” Liam gets in between kisses. Zayn pushes him against the door. “What are we gonna do?”

“Oh, I have some ideas,” Zayn says, moving down to kiss Liam’s neck.

＊ A Deal by @allwaswell16 [T, 898 words, Harry/Louis]

Slytherin Harry Styles spends his free time drawing down by the lake. Unfortunately, he can't show anyone what he's drawing because they're all of Gryffindor Louis Tomlinson.

＊ Backstage at the Grammy’s by @neondiamond [M, 882 words, Louis/Harry]

There’s someone waiting in Harry’s dressing room after his performance at the Grammy’s.

＊ Literally Falling For You by @neondiamond [E, 5k, Harry/Louis]

After five years of being together, Louis decides to propose to Harry on his birthday, and he needs everything to be perfect and sentimental down to every last detail. When his plans get derailed at the last minute, he decides to postpone the proposal on Valentine’s day instead. It’s just as amazing as he’d imagined.

＊ You Can Hear It In The Silence by Imogenlee / @imogenleefic [E, 234k, Louis/Harry]

When Harry Styles received acceptance into a post-grad degree, he knew he could no longer afford his flat leaving him with three options:

1) Moving back into student halls. 2) Becoming homeless. 3) Moving in with his best (and only) friend, Niall, and three of Niall's other friends. He ended up choosing the third option. But it was a close race. Shame one of his new housemates reminded him why he only has one friend. If Louis Tomlinson had to choose one thing couldn't stand, it would be pretentious tossers, having grown up around enough of them. If he had to choose something he couldn't live without, it would be his friends. So he was proper thrilled to move in with his best mates and a couple of other lads. That was until he discovered one of them was the archetype for a pretentious tosser.

In the interest of seeing out the twelve-month lease without killing each other, they both try (debatable) to get along despite believing they were opposite in almost every conceivable way, each having the communication skills of a cucumber, and secrets that had no business be kept secret.

＊ I Choose You by @disgruntledkittenface [NR, 3k, Harry/Louis]

Louis is exhausted during a busy time at work. After a long commute home, the last thing he expects is for Harry to have a surprise for him.

＊ Wed’n Walk (Or, We Went to Amsterdam Together) by @hellolovers13 [E, 11k, Louis/Harry]

When Harry had first started planning his honeymoon to Amsterdam, he had not envisioned ending up there with his best friend.

Or getting fake-married to him for 24 hours.

＊ Unplant by @hellolovers13 [M, 4k, Harry/Louis]

Please do not disturb my plant She needs 2 hours of sunlight a day and I live in a sunless flat I’ll be back to collect her soon Thank you and stay well.

or Louis should've looked where he was going, then he wouldn't have to desperately try to save a little flower now.

＊ Brit's AU (The Kissing Game) by @hellolovers13 [E, 1k, Louis/Harry]

Lewis' quest to reunite One Direction via kiss

＊ Punxsutawdry Filled by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright [E, 2k, Louis/Harry, Louis/everyone]

Louis’ Groundhog Day special is more a nod to the movie than the holiday itself, and it’s got almost everyone on edge.

＊ just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright [E, 4k, Zayn/Harry]

Zayn worries she isn't enough of a giver in bed. Harry is determined to make her understand that all she wants Zayn to do is enjoy receiving.

＊ out of control by me_her_themoon / @dreamersdivin-headfirst [E, 2k, Harry/Louis]

They’ve always been into kinkier stuff than most, whether it’s bondage or piss (they dabble occasionally), they try not to shy away from things other people may deem weird. They just don’t care.

So, after Louis texted their friends and family that they would be unavailable for the entire day, Harry’s been in this position ever since.

＊ Invisible String by BoosBabycakes / @boosbabycakes28 [E, 84k, Louis/Harry]

Louis swears on his life that that man came out of literal nowhere and he thanks each lucky star for having good breaks in his car. This strange alpha also happens to be the most beautiful being Louis has laid his eyes on.

For some unknown reason, the omega feels safe around the alpha. It might seem strange, but you can't always explain why or how things are the way they are. All you can really be sure of is that they happen for a reason. There's a higher power (call it what you want) that knows better and definitely knows more than you do.

＊ Two Hearts In One Home by @enchantedlandcoffee [T, 5k+, wip, Harry/Louis]

Best friends Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles have been living together for almost 3 years. With Louis' YouTube videos mainly featuring challenges, vlogs, and tutorials, his best friend is unknowingly a common topic on his channel (with his identity hidden) leading his viewers to believe that they are dating. What happens when Harry's childhood friend, Niall Horan, returns from Ireland and turns out to be one of his biggest fans and sends a tweet that turns his life upside down?

＊ There's no one I love more in this world than Stanley Tucci. by @enchantedlandcoffee [G, 425 words, Harry/Louis]

Both Louis and Harry have a 'freebie list' of celebrities they could sleep with if they wanted to without repercussions. What happens when Harry meets one of his celebrities, Stanley Tucci, at the Brit Awards and comes home late at night.

OR The one where Harry Styles loves Louis Tomlinson a bit more than he does Stanley Tucci.

＊ hello, lovers by eynap / @panye [E, 2k, Niall/Shawn]

Name: Shawn Age: 24 Pronouns: He/him Desires: light praise kink, light daddy kink

Oh. He could do that. Probably pretty well, too. Niall sits up on his bed a little taller and adjusts his headphones, pressing the green accept button.

Or, Niall is a phone sex operator at Hello Lovers hotline, and Shawn is his last caller on Valentine’s Day.

＊ feel my body come alive by eynap / @panye [E, 10k, Niall/Shawn Mendes]

Shawn feels his breath pick up and his heart rate skips a beat. His throat starts tightening up and he thinks he’s probably going to have another panic attack.

“How could I forget them?” Shawn says, defeated.

“It’ll be okay,” he hears Niall say distantly in the background. He can’t focus too much on anything other than the fact that he’s going to have to experience the one, awful thing he’s been running from for the first time in years.

Or, Niall and Shawn are meant to be on a long weekend trip to celebrate their six-month anniversary, until they realize Shawn forgot his suppressants at home.

＊ Teach me how to love by @perfectdagger [E, 70k, Louis/Harry]

Louis can’t believe he’s third wheeling, again, so he scans the bar trying to find something better to do.

And as he does, he recognizes a face.

That face looks angry, almost fuming and Louis takes a gulp from his beer and looks to the other side, pretending he didn’t even see the bloke, pretending he has no clue who that person coming over his way is.

“You’ve told everyone and their mother that I’m a bad fucker?!”

That’s how Harry greets him.

Smooth.

Not really.

The one in which Harry is bad at sex and Louis spreads it all over town and to make up for it, decides to help him with no agenda of getting anything from it, but in the end, he ends up getting more than he bargained for.

＊ (your smile is) on every face by @justanothershadeofblue [T, 5k, Harry/Louis]

Harry streams the whole thing, too overwhelmed to sing along, clutching his phone above his head as Louis whips the fans into a frenzy, playing both sides of the stage before staking a claim to the middle. Niall is shouting along beside him, lost in the madness and dancing something formless and frantic and free. Harry doesn’t even notice the pins and needles in his arm until the encore break, tears springing to his eyes as he switches hands and lowers his arm slowly, letting the blood rush back into it. He bites back a sob and glances at the screen. Maybe he could stop streaming, use his phone hand to massage some life back into his poor arm.

Harry blinks. There are fifteen thousand people watching his stream.

＊ Awaken As Mine by thinlines / @thinlinez [E, 9k, Louis/Harry]

Cypress and roasted almonds. The scent Harry breathed in was comforting and alluring. It made him want to get closer, to roll his neck against the wolf’s, to mingle their scents. This wolf was an alpha, his omega whispered to him. Without a doubt.

OR Omega Harry was sure he had found his alpha, but how to get reading crazed, bookworm Louis to look twice at him was a mystery for the ages.

＊ Leather Over Lace by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus [E, 4k, Harry/Louis]

Harry wasn’t planning for his trousers to rip on stage. He also wasn’t planning for everyone to see his lace knickers when it happened. But what he really wasn’t planning on was his boyfriend punishing him for it.

＊ Fringe & Flogging by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus [E, 5k, Louis/Harry]

Harry was good this time. He didn’t wear his lace knickers; he didn’t tear his trousers on stage. But his revealing outfit and less than family friendly performance still had the night ending in ripped clothing, this time at the hands of his jealous dom.

＊ Never Thought I'd Be Missing the Heat by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus [E, 5k, Harry/Louis]

Harry has always hated cigarettes, but when that’s the only piece of Louis that he has left after their breakup, he ends up chain smoking while touching himself to try and get that taste of Louis back.

＊ You Earned It by crimsontheory / @ireallysawanangel [E, 11k, Louis/harry]

“Look at you,” Louis praises, his eyes slowly roaming up and down the length of Harry’s body with such possessive eagerness that it suddenly makes Harry feel shy and flustered. He can feel his skin burning underneath Louis’ intense gaze. “I guess you’re my grand prize then?”

Harry nods in response to that since it’s all he’s able to do at the moment. He’s not even going to risk opening his mouth because he knows he won’t be able to form a single coherent thought.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Louis continues, removing his hand from behind his back and holding up the sleek black remote directly in Harry’s line of sight. “I forgot to switch it to the final setting and if I remember correctly…“ The corner of Louis’ mouth quirks up into a devilish smirk causing Harry to shiver. “This setting is your favourite.”

Harry watches as Louis’ thumb hovers over the button, his stomach fluttering in anticipation. When he feels the vibrations change, his mouth pops open in bliss as he gasps, his wrists yanking hard against the velvety handcuffs.

Or, Harry plans a scavenger hunt for his husband on Valentine's Day.

＊ when we're finished saying nothing by @disgruntledkittenface [M, 3k, Harry/Louis]

Louis has barely woken up when she realizes that Harry is still mad from the night before. The silent treatment that Harry prefers when she’s like this isn’t going to achieve anything, so Louis gets up to apologize only to find out there’s more going on with her mate than she thought. That’s when her instincts take over.

An alpha/alpha AU inspired by Written All Over Your Face.

＊ count me in by @disgruntledkittenface [NR, 3k, Zayn/Harry]

Zayn wants to propose to Harry, but she can’t find the right ring. Niall and Louis are no help at all.

Actually they help a lot.

A secret soulmates follow-up to enough to make a girl blush.

＊ In the night when the lights are low by Anonymous [E, 1k, Louis/Harry]

Harry just wants to finish his special Valentine's day broadcast in a memorable way.

Then he gets a message that makes his heart flutter.

＊ I was yours and you were mine (let's try it again) by Kikiberoski16 / @larrysballetslippers [E, 23k, Harry/Louis]

Seconds later, Louis pushed him against the wall, startling Harry. Louis leaned in and whispered in his ear again. “You changed a lot, baby boy. Used to be so obedient. Now you're just a brat.”

Harry gasped; he couldn’t believe Louis would call him out on his behaviour when Louis was the reason he had to change. “Haven't been your obedient baby boy for a long time.”

“Did you become someone else's brat then?” Louis’ voice almost sounded like a growl. It was deeper than Harry remembered. It made him realize he’d never seen Louis angry.

Or, after many years of working in the modelling industry and putting his past behind him, Harry was completely taken aback when his old feelings for his ex, Louis, resurfaced. He wanted to be his good boy again.

＊ Devil in my brain, whispering my name by @lunarheslwt [E, 9k, Louis/Harry]

“Tell me, angel, are you curious? To know what it’s like, to be touched…” Louis tapped his lip lightly, “here?” A short, harsh breath fanned across his finger. “Or,” Louis drawled, bringing their hips together with a sharp pull, making Harry gasp once again, louder, “here?” “Louis…” “Or maybe even,” Louis skimmed a taunting hand past the curve of his clothed arse, merely grazing, “here?” Harry shuddered viscerally. “Please.” “So polite, so proper,” Louis mocked, “will you let me taint you just a little, hmm? Let me show you how good it feels to give in to temptation?”

Or, Louis, a demon, shows Harry, an angel, just how good it can feel to give in to temptation and sin.

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey Zoomer anon]

You know I been thinking about the handling of abuse and dysfunctional family and how for some reason a lot of people just realizing the generational trauma…is there any millennials abuse survivors around? Were you taught to be narcissistic as fuck?

Me getting in social media: Man I hope I can find other people like me- why the fuck do most supposed abuse survivors have MY abuser narracism and victim complex?

Also people complain about how many villains these days have a sob story or a “redeemable” enough…actually I think a figure out

You see a lot of leftists are upper middle class people who grew up in a black and white society. They didn’t see the flaws of America until the 08 crash and going to college. Hence why they bitch about American imperialism

But when you a black person who learn their grandmother was a crackhead…and seeing generation after generation of single mother raising…

The left: You know that America did a lot of evil shit?!

Me: I was born on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr ASSASSINATION! And my elders hammer down the rights I was born with were the PRIVILEGES during their childhoods

Sorry set up, so imo a lot of leftists grew up in the Hollywood oversimplified views of history, especially WW2, its miracle that allies didn’t start killing each other after Hitler died

But anyways, I think a lot of writers was to show that many villains have legit grips…but that like many fractions in history

Germany was fucked over by the Treaty of Versailles hence why Hitler and the Nazis gain power. Many criminals organizations was created to the lack of support and resources government created

Didn’t we all learn that but mid teens…or did these modern writers only knew the PG versions of historical events because of their shitty colleges and schools.

Thank fucking god assassin creed and hetalia encourage to research history and society more than the coastal fucks (not you) who make more in a month than I do in a year

There's trauma and abuse in every generation, we all just process it differently, tail end Gen-X and millennials were the ones who managed to finally make getting help a bit more ok, we still had things like Prozac Nation but managed some big strides there, but we were also guinea pigs for treatment and coping styles as well as classification.

There's that and the internet has a think about making all that shit currency you can trade for validation points.

Also people complain about how many villains these days have a sob story or a “redeemable” enough…actually I think a figure out

That's not new, though people have gotten more aggressive about it lately.

Post on here years back 'the only good nazi is a ex nazi' that one started up a whole world of discourse from the 'I want to hold people responsible for life' crowd, they get mad when someone turns their life away from hate and then proceeds to get other people to walk away too.

Not sure why, instead of one less nazi there might be dozens less as a result of their actions, some people would rather go with violence I guess.

Look at the folks that called Daryl Davis a white supremacist.

Sorry set up, so imo a lot of leftists grew up in the Hollywood oversimplified views of history, especially WW2, its miracle that allies didn’t start killing each other after Hitler died

Stalin knew better, given how much of his stuff was lend/lease.

Didn’t we all learn that but mid teens…or did these modern writers only knew the PG versions of historical events because of their shitty colleges and schools. Thank fucking god assassin creed and hetalia encourage to research history and society more than the coastal fucks (not you) who make more in a month than I do in a year

gotta look round and find the good stuff, then get other people involved in it.

If you do things like YT music or Spotify and take the free option you'll sometimes get a advert that's just some bands song, the record companies pay for that so they can wear people down and try to get that song stuck in their heads no matter how bad it is.

The idea crosses over into a lot of media, if they can make something seem like something everyone is involved with peer pressure and the need to be included takes over.

There's so much psychology involved in marketing, it's nuts.

Gotta manage to grass roots the actual good stuff, or at least the stuff you like and would like to see more of, if there's money to be made off of it someone will make it.

[krikeymate]

We’ve seen just a tad bit about this conversation in 5, but how do you think the talk about moving went between Sam and Tara? What decisions were made? I can imagine it was Sam’s idea to keep Tara with her in the same apartment. Do you think they discussed where, how, when, with who? Also, Tara’s education would’ve been a good subject don’t you think.

I think - and this is based on nothing except it would be tragic - that the friends (pre-5) had all decided to go to Blackmore together when they graduate: Tara, Chad, Mindy, Amber, and Wes. Liv was new so maybe her as well but maybe not. They had all these plans, they had already applied, and they were ready to go. After 5, those left decided to continue those plans, they hadn't even applied anywhere else. I've decided it adds another layer of tragedy to Tara's character that she can't escape the past, because she's literally living in the plans they made.

I had a whole paragraph where I asked what the fuck is up with how school admissions and graduation works in the US. I deleted it because I've educated myself. So, I was under the impression that the gang had to have graduated early, but it looks like that was wrong! This is for the non-Americans like me, the Americans reading this probably already know. Apparently, high school graduation happens in May/June. The summer semester they moved to New York for like 6 months ago, is in fact an optional semester that happens over the 'summer break' that students can take for extra credits to help them potentially graduate sooner. So, the gang basically went straight from high school directly into their higher education without a break.

The reason for that, who knows, maybe due to the circumstances they didn't quite meet the requirements for entrance but were permitted continued entry into Blackmore on the provision they take the summer semester to redo or catch up some required exams or whatever. Like how in the UK you can redo GCSE's (or O levels as they're once again called) whilst doing your A Levels.

Moving-wise, I don't think either of the girls ever openly questioned their living situation. I think Tara just talked to her about her plans to go to Blackmore - maybe she received a letter - and then the next day Sam is showing her some online adverts for apartments. Tara's so relieved that she does this. She didn't want to bring it up, to ask these difficult questions of what happens next, terrified of the answer. For Sam it was never any doubt that she was going to follow and that her sister would stay with her.

It still doesn't make sense that they had a third roommate in 6 so I'm going to say that maybe Mindy was supposed to move in with them but they didn't realise until they got there and signed the lease that actually Mindy is required to live on campus as a first year. Tara is too, but the special circumstances of the situation, and given that she and her sister have become the center of an online conspiracy and a book, the school quietly decide that it's better that she does live off campus.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

I'm having a bad day

I've learned that I hate driving in this town. The last time I lived up in Gainesville I didn't have a car so I took the bus or walked everywhere I needed to go and didn't think much of it. Now, I've discovered that everything I loved about driving in the Keys is competlely absent from this town. In the Keys, there are almost no stoplights, just open stretches of highway for miles at a time, so you can maintain a constant speed the whole way. I've been back here for two days and I have yet to drive through a single green light. I have hit nothing but reds; that's not hyperbole, I mean it, even on stretches of road where the light is green 80% of the time, I still seem to hit it during the other 20%. Nothing but stops and starts! And the radio stations suck! Down in the Keys it was mostly classic rock which I could get into, but up here it's nothing but bro country, Taylor Swift, and conservative talk radio. Everything is a one way street up here. Every stoplight says NO U-TURNS or NO TURN ON RED, so if you take one route to get to the store you have to either take a different route home or drive half a mile out of your way to find the next available opportunity to turn 180. There are so many needless curbs between parking lots, so you can't cross directly over, you have to get back onto the main road and find a one-way entrance. I am no longer a student, I had no idea how inconvenient everything is up here. I am completely out of my element. I feel claustrophobic and agorophobic at the same time. I feel like a little kid who has lost sight of his parents, I want to cry. I have an 11 month leasse, I need to be able to support myself, so I'm praying that things improve soon. I need to find a good job so I have something to do besides mope all day.

My roommate is a fucking weirdo. He didn't introduce himself, he didn't give me his name when I introduced myself, and when I went to shake his hand to say hello he grabbed mine with his thumb and index finger and jiggled it. He lives in complete darkness, turning off every single light even to cook. He's been sniffling non-stop for the entire time I've been here, so he's definitely sick but I don't want to ask with what (my mom says covid makes light hurt, but I haven't heard that from anywhere else). He ate some of my food without asking, and the entire kitchen is swarming with roaches. I called the front office when I moved in, but they ignored my calls, they aren't open on Sunday, probably aren't going to be open tomorrow for Labor Day, so it'll be Tuesday before they do anything. I got a can of Raid and sprayed half the kitchen, and one of the cabinets had a dozen roaches in all the pots and pans. I put them in the sink and sprayed the hell out of all the drawers. I asked him how long he's been living here, he told me over a year, then I asked him when was the last time he cleaned, and he said he didn't remember. He had the audacity to say, and I quote, "we [his old roommates] didn't really do that kind of thing." The trash smells horrible, there's no lid so there are roaches pouring out of it too, and he says the pots and pans are not his, that they came with the apartment, so he's not going to be the one to clean them. I have my own dishes which I am keeping in my room because of the roaches, so I'm going to ask the leasing office to either let me move somewhere else, or move him, or do something about the bugs, and if they say the pots and pans are not part of the lease then I'm going to assume they are derelict from a previous tenant and I am going to throw them away.

I just got settled in. I just set uo my big heavy bookcase, I just started unpacking all my odds and ends, it will be a huge hassle if I have tp repack everything and schlep it all down two flights of stairs, stuff it all back in my car and make multiple trips to a new unit, almost certainly up another two flights of steps. My sisters didn't have any of these problems when they lived at this complex. They really enjoyed it, but my experience has been a horror show from the start. I keep all my food in gallon sixed freezer bags, but none of the zips stay zipped, so I don't want to eat anything I know roaches have ahd access to. I don't even want to drink the tap water, I don't know if it's potable. I'm scared and tired and I feel nauseous just being here. I've gone through almost an entire 24 pack of bottles in 2 days...

There are a ton of sidewalks in this complex, but whenever I go out, people will cross to the other side of the road to avoid me. I feel like a hideous fucking beast, I can't even go out in public without being shunned by strangers. I don't belong here. I didn't belong down in the Keys either. Down there was at least familiar, I felt safe, but up here I'm spiraling out of control. I have no support network. My sisters aren't helping because the older one is a histrionic narcissist and the younger two are drunken tiktok zoomers who I have absolutely nothing in common with.

And to top it all off, I bumped into an ex today. I haven't seen her since 2017, haven't spoken to her since 2018, but the second day I'm back up here we just so happen to cross paths. She didn't even say anything to me, I was just eating at a table, and I looked up and she was staring at me, and I didn;t even have time to register who she was before she left. She looks different. Older. Mature. She's married, I heard that through the grapevine a year or two agfter we stopped talking, but I think she might be a mom now. She's a brunette, but she always dyed her hair bright red when we dated, and now she apparently dyes it black. She is a proper funtioning adult, and I'm floundering like a child, compeltely listless and alone. What are the fucking odds we see each other? She was the first person I was really in love with, but she never loved me back, I was just a guy she dated for a few months because she didn't want to be single. I'm in a worse position than I was back when we dated in college. I know for a fact she's not thinking of me right now, she probably just thought "huh, haven't seen him in a while," and then moved on. Didn't say hello, didn't smile or scowl, no emotion at all, just a blank stare of recognition and she was gone. I'm a nobody to her. I got over her shortly after I learned she got married, but now she's living rent free in my head. I hate being recognized. I hate having my reputation precede me.

I am not doing well...

[justawolf17]

A Moms Story

Hi everyone,

I ask myself what am I doing here? What am I doing with my life? When I was young, I seemed to have everything figured out, but what I didn't know was just how my life would actually turn out. I wasn't a great student; I always had a problem with authority and being told what to do. I've had an attitude my whole life and thought I knew EVERYTHING. Here I am 33 years old and now know I never knew squat. I graduated high school just barley, I failed 2 required test that was needed to receive my diploma and when I walked across that stage on what should be your first proudest accomplishment, I was given a piece of paper instead of a diploma stating I still needed to take the required test to complete my schooling. I went back to summer school as a "graduated" senior to finish these testing's, wait weeks and then did I receive an actual diploma. I thought I was on top of the world then. 18 years old and now no one can tell me what to do. I started college but since I wasn't a great student and I had more flexibly now and no mom making me to go to school I fell behind, missed too much class and couldn't catch back up so I quit... a feeling that become too easy for me. I went to work and through the years continued to quit when things felt too hard. I partied to hard, fired from jobs, tried going back to school a few more times and quit each and every time. I struggled my whole life, and it all goes back to that moment I first quit at something.

At 28 years old I become a mom, there is no feeling in the world to compare to that first breath your child breathes, that breathe of relief that they are okay. Then sets in reality, it is no longer just you anymore, it's you being able to provide for a child who is helpless and depending on you to feed, change, bath and cloth them every second of everyday. I tried going back to work 8 weeks after my son was born, he stayed home with his dad while I worked and when he was old enough, he went to daycare and that feeling of leaving your child with people you do not know just took over me. I decided to quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom. That was the best years of my life. I was there every day for my son, from the minute he woke up until he went to bed. He is my best friend. However, money doesn't grow on trees and with 1 income and 3 people to support my husband struggled and we struggled. We did what most of Americans do and that is look to the government for assistance. We were given WIC for formula, food stamps for food, and Medicaid for myself and my son. I grew up struggling, living in bad neighborhoods since that's all my mom could afford, I refused to raise my kids in that same environment yet here we were living the same life. We had some moments things were okay and great but more moments of struggling and crying.

At age 30 I had our second son, reality set in again, we now have a family of 4 to support. How are we going to do this? How are we going to afford the things we need. My second son was born 2 months before the corona virus pandemic took over and everyone was on lock down and jobs were not hiring, people were getting let go, many people died, and the world wasn't the same. Here we were with a 2-year-old and a newborn in the midst of a worldwide shut down. My husband had lost his job and was taking many odd jobs just to keep us afloat. We also at one point got evicted from our home but luckily, we made the rent just in enough time and made it through our lease. Times have been tough for us, but times are also tough for the rest of the world. I think when you become a parent all you want is to give your children the life you never had. The life they deserve. I don't write this blog for anyone to feel sorry for us. We are 3 years later, and I can't say we are perfect, but we are better than we were 3 years ago and isn't that what life should be like? Continue to grow and lean? We trusted in God, and he's always prevailed and granted us with many things in life and HE continues to bless us daily.

If you've made it this far, I thank you. I am now 33 years old, working a part time night job to avoid daycare cost for my 3-year-old while my husband works days. I have found something to keep myself busy during the day to bring in extra income. As a mom the motivation to hustle never ends. I want to give my children the best life I can. I started working as an amazon affiliate and this is making a small commission when someone purchases items through my amazon link. I'm asking everyone to check my link out and support this small business I am working on. I'm far from where I want to be, but I no longer give up when things get hard. I want to show my kids what never quitting gets you, I've made mistakes, I'm not perfect but I will try every day to be better than yesterday and do better than before. Please show your support by checking out my link, sharing my story and help me reach my goals.

"Having a strong mom is like having a best friend that can carry you when your legs are too tired to walk.” – Unknown

[transcendentalmaggot]

Rip. My landlord is giving us 30 days to find a new place after renting this dilapidated, run down house for roughly 10 years. It’s not completely surprising as he had the lease changed to be month-to-month at renewal so it did signal he was looking to sell. They’re knocking down all of the rental houses in this part of town and building 2 houses on the plot that are going for ~1M. I’m not overly upset as this house is in utter disrepair and we had to fight this “passive income” do no work or repair dirtbag for months to install a handrail on our stairs. But packing and moving in 30 days is going to be incredibly stressful. I don’t know how I’m going to manage the physical aspect of packing on my own with my health the way it is.. my Dad has a ton of stuff and while I’ve lived elsewhere for many years he has been settled in here.

I’m still working with DSV and when I mentioned I may have to move to a different part of the state I was told this incredibly slow process would have to start again with a new counselor from a different county.

I don’t think moving will be the worst thing in the world but I am so damn tired. I’ll probably have to figure out a whole new set of medical providers which is the other caveat involved. My Dad is also considering moving to a different state and that would involve a whole other slew of complications to my trying to become a disabled person with some measure of autonomy. I feel pathetic and helpless and I know it’s the depression sinking what little hope I have left but at the end of the day I wish my problems would at least remain as they are.. I can’t even write or think right now. I guess all of us are just holding on as best we can.. I hope for more gentle moments soon.

[insufficentskill]

next was my ex-husband. lets call him marco. I met him on another mmorpg, and we didn't click immediately but he came to visit me and yun because he was close by. we met somewhere public, and when i saw him it was love at first sight.

despite experiencing it myself, i dont think love at first sight is real. its stupid and shallow. anyway, he didn't like me. he liked yun, and she told him to date me instead.

there is your red flag number one, cause he asked me out. i was over the moon, i was so excited and i liked him a lot. we watched bad horror movies and it became our thing. he was good at the game and i enjoyed his company. I told him that long distance was too much for me, as he lived several states away. he agreed, and we kept talking.

another one of our friends, lets call him doug. also really liked me at the same time.(this will be important later) he was funny, but bad at the game and super immature. i didnt want that, marco was down to earth and real you know?

we talked some more, and he moved in with doug who lived in my city. things were good for a bit, we all played the game together and marco and i would watch bad horror movies. but doug liked me, and i felt bad because i did not feel the same.

marco and i went out on dates, and i dressed like a woman. short skirts and revealing cleavage, even tried makeup and doing my nails. i never felt pretty, but everyone said i looked nice. marco liked it. by our second date, we were sitting in his car infront of my house just talking, and he randomly leaned in to kiss me. i moved away, i wasn't ready. i told him my first kiss was stolen from me, why would he try it too?

he did, he held me still and kissed me. i didn't consent, i wasn't ready but he didn't care. after that, we went to a hotel and i saw a dick for the first time. it was fine, i had no problem with sexual intimacy with him after that. it was starting to feel like kissing me was just... an easy way in or whatever.

anyway, things finally hit a boiling point with doug and he kicked marco out. he had nowhere to go in a city he just moved too, so he moved in with me. we were together for three months when this happened.

it was nice, we were comfortable. he didn't like me spending time with yun, but i told him to fuck off(nicely). i got him to understand he isnt my whole world. it felt nice to resolve an issue and not break up because of it.

when we moved out for the first time, it was with a co-worker. a two bedroom apt and it was fine. it was nice to be away from my family, and we had a place to call our own. marco wanted a dog, i told him that i cant give a dog the affection it needs so it would be his dog. he agreed.

at the end of the lease, we had to move back in with my mom. when we were packing for it, marco threw away the pots and pans gifted to me by my grandmother(the cool one), the plates and bowls gifted to me by my sister, and the keurig gifted to us by his mother. even gave away his fucking dog.

when i asked him why, he said it was because my mom already had those things. why would we need them? i was so mad at him, but i dont like being mad. so i bottled it up, and forgave him.

we had a vacation to orlando florida, universal studios. it was so much fun, but we couldnt fucking afford it. i pulled out every stop, but we had to borrow money from my mom to afford the drive home. he proposed to me there, at mr magoriums chocolate emporium. it was nice, it was sweet and we got free dessert.

we got married a year later, after dating for 3 years. i... didn't want to get married. my mom asked me if i did, and i said yes. you know, like a liar. she said i didn't have to get married, that we could just have a big party with my friends. it was...expected of me, right? get married, have his kids and die? we got married, and the whole day i felt like the worlds greatest actor. i did love him, but the whole... bride thing wasnt for me. i know why now, but i didnt then.

we move out again, this time to our own place. its small and homey and its ours. it felt so nice to have our own space again, to decorate it how we want and do whatever we want. for a year, everything was great. i started playing dnd, and he got jealous i was going to some random dudes house to play dnd. so i asked him to join, i learned to play pathfinder 1st edition and it was the most fun id had in ages.

we played with two other guys, lets call them karl and nick. nice guys, a little redneck, but sweet. then we got the news that marco had hereditary high cholestoral, and if he didnt change his diet- he'd have a heart attack. i was so scared, i loved him. but you know what my primary thought was?

i was on birth control, but he would knock me up and then die.

so i tried to learn how to cook, i made him low cholesterol meals and tried to get him to exercise. i coiuldn't do it with him because im still working 6 ten hour shifts, but i do it too. i eat the meals, we do it together.

except, he isn't doing it. says hes tired. hes working 12 hours a week, and is the only one at his job that could apply for a new opening, but he wont do it. says he doesn't want too. sits at home and plays games all day, and complains that he misses me. so i tell him i work 60 hours a week to pay for our apt, and i spend the whole day sunday making these prep meals that you dont fucking eat.

he says he still misses me, i shrug him off. he doesnt do the dishes, i get to do that when i get home. he doesn't do the laundry, "you don't like the way i fold the clothes" so i do that too. he got another dog, and i have to walk her too.

this is what im supposed to do. im the wife, im supposed to take care of him. but im also providing and im so, so tired. all the time. i get home, and i write with my best friend. i dont have the energy to do anything else.

it all came to a head when i saw a transaction on our shared bank account(yes, i learned my lesson) for 150 to door dash. keep in mind, this was when doordash was new and was actually somewhat affordable. 2019. i was furious.

but i dont like being mad, so i bottled it up and said id just ask him when i got home. i get home, i ask him. calmly, so calmly. like i am not about to fucking explode.

and he says to me, verbatim- "I wanted desert." he ordered breakfast, lunch and dinner from the Cheesecake factory. with the money that ive been making.

listen, i could have forgiven him if he had saved me a slice.

"I saved you a slice, but i ate it."

i felt so angry and disrespected that i decided right then, i wanted a divorce. it wasn't worth it. i loved him and i wanted to make it work, but i refuse to be disrespected like this. so i handed him divorce papers, he cried and pleaded with me.

i didn't cry. it made me look heartless, but i couldn't. i divorced him, his mom came to pick him up, we divided all of our things

and he didn't even take his fucking dog.