#and valentina is my ego

[supernova-rsrcs]

so uh that happened

i'm ru paul's bitch once again, congratulations to me for my fucking third breakdown this week :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[colie-nne]

first moments drive to survive | se4 r.2022

pairings: formula 1 grid x fem driver!oc

warnings: a bit of swearing | This is quite a long one

a/n: lines in bold and italics are the lines of journalists or the show’s narrator, and indents are radio moments or interview clips.

Ep1 : Clash of The Titans

Four rookies entering Formula 1 this year.

Valentina who was sitting in her team’s uniform waves to the camera. It was cut short when it shows Yuki with his clapper. “My name is Yuki Tsunoda.” Haas’ Mick, “Mick Schumacher” and Nikita, “Nikita Mazepin, Haas Formula 1 Team” It then cuts to Val just staring, “Is it rolling?” she inquires after the prolonged silence. The crew laughs before beckoning her to introduce herself, “Yeah, go on” She clears her throat, “Hi, I’m Valentina Corbyn and I drive for Alfa Romeo.” Closing the clapper board a little bit too hard as she visibly flinches, “Oh!” The people behind the cameras laugh before it cuts to a different set-up.

Pictorial on the track

7:21

“Eye contact with the cameras,” the photographer calls out to get every drivers’ attention. The video however zoom in on Valentina who was leaning on the car.

Spotting the camera she tries to send a disapproving look, pointing to the camera man as she shakes her head. The camera shakes in response.

7:34

There’s a lot of male pride and ego flying around… Val’s laugh is the first thing heard, “and I’m here to balance it!!” Exaggerating her actions as she points to herself. "Ooo, I just gave myself an ick, with what I've done there."

7:58

Showing a thumbs up, “You guys are good. Everyone’s all good,” the photographer ends their session as he walks away.

In the background, however, the well-known chaotic pair are at it again. This time Lando is seen fist-bumping her, walking side by side back to the garage. Val stopped in her tracks after he whispered something to her, and her expression showed faint shock at whatever that was. She completely faces him before playfully hitting his abdomen.

The action pushed Lando back and bumped into Carlos, who was behind them. Like a fed-up older brother, he just shakes his head and wraps an arm around Val’s shoulder, urging her to rush forward.

BAHRAIN Are you happy? Her look of confusion’s evident on her face, “Like the with the results of the race?” She makes sure with the person interviewing her. In which she gets an approving nod on her end. “From starting in 9th then to p5? Of course, very. It isn’t what we expected for my first race but it’s something that I’m happy this early on” Do you plan on placing higher? Quirking up a brow, “Yeah, I hope so. No driver is ever satisfied in their position unless they’re at the top. But I’ll take my time before I show the world more of what I got… at least, that’s what Kimi told me.” Val finishes with a refreshing smile directed at the camera.

Ep 2: Ace in the Hole aka a look into Lando and Val’s friendship 

5:25

Lando and Valentina’s friendship started way back before their karting days. This year despite being rivals on the track, you can say that they’re quite the opposite off-track, in some way or another.

Panning the view to Val, hiding in the shade, she scrunches her face as she looks at Lando, about to swing the golf club for the nth time that day. Max, a mutual friend of theirs, motions her to come closer.

Pushing herself off the cart, Lando takes his chance to swing. After taking a couple steps closer, a groan erupts from him, earning him a chuckle from his friends.

“That’s quite a bad hit right there, innit?” Val teases him as soon as she’s stood next to Max.

Moving to get his turn, Max agrees with her while getting in position, “Yeah, you’ve had a shocker there, mate.”

“Shut up, the both of you,” Lando grumbles before jokingly kicking some dirt towards Val’s direction, causing her to shriek in displeasure.

6:14

Walking back near the cart, Max brings up Lando’s new teammate, Daniel Ricciardo. “So how are you feeling about Danny Ric this season, mate?… Confident?” Val, who is seen sitting on the grass, turned to look at Lando's expression.

Shrugging, “He’s obviously a good driver. Seven-time… Seven-time winner?” He said before looking at Val who is nodding at him.

“I got faith in you, buddy,” Max finishes as he takes a swing for his turn. Seconds later, it was Valentina’s turn to swing. Clearing her throat, she points at Lando before imitating Max’s tone, “I’ve got faith in you too, mate.” Swings the club… and intentionally misses the ball.

Lando stood there looking at her in faint disbelief, “You didn’t even hit the ball”, gesturing to the still intact golf ball and tee.

“Yeah, 'cause I also need to have faith and win myself.” She told him, as a matter of fact, before making a proper swing.

What is it about your and the Alfa Romeo rookie's relationship? Chuckling at the question, “Val? We’ve known each other for quite a while, probably half my life, more so hers. She’s like an itch that you can’t get rid of… but in a good way. Vali’s been one of the constants since before karting, as am I to her, so I’ll say we have a good ass relationship.” He ends his statement with a fond smile. What does it feel like to see her joining formula one and being rivals on track? Sucking in a breath, he wears a cheeky smile as he answers, “Seeing her come up on here and race us, makes me feel accomplished. Just 'cause I’ve seen where she’s started… And we’ve experienced a lot of things together with the others, so to get a chance in Formula 1, it’s more of like a win for the both of us, really.” “To being rivals it- we’re both really competitive people, too competitive as I might say so. But a race is a race, a win is a win, at the end of the day- or a race really, we’re still friends, nothing's about to change.”  Raising his eyebrows teasingly, “We’ll just have to prove who’s going to one-up the other this time.”

Ep 3: Tipping Point

MONACO

In the last five races, you’ve started up in p5 and then p3 in Portugal. In this race however, not only did you manage to outsmart the Max Verstappen in that last corner, but you have also won your very first Grand Prix, this early on in your career. How do you feel about that? Val, who was sitting back on the chair, smiled widely when asked about her unexpected win. “Honestly, it still hasn’t sunk in. It’s been like 2 or 3 weeks. But I feel great as a whole, makes me feel good about myself, like an unexplainable tingling sensation that happens throughout my body.” She said, wiggling in her seat to show the feeling. You have also celebrated with McLaren’s Lando Norris, who we’ve just known is a very close friend of yours. Taken aback, “Really? You’ve just known… isn’t that like common knowledge for you guys at this point?” She questions with a light voice before continuing. “Jokes aside. It’s amazing, it feels amazing to actually stand on a podium with one of your closest friends. Cause after all that daydreaming as kids you never would’ve thought you would reach the top this early on in your career..” And since then you’ve never dropped out of the top 5. “Yeah, that’s what keeps me awake at night. It’s become a “wow” factor for me as the season progresses. Never really thought I’ll be with the people I looked up to growing up, but now that I’ve stood- is standing, rather, next to them I feel like I’ve reached the next step or like phase of my life and that, along with this Grand Prix win, would help me become a better driver and a person as time passes.”

Ep 4: A Mountain to Climb

You’ve entered this season with two rookies and reports are already saying that you’re offering Alfa Romeo’s Corbyn a seat in Haas this early on in the season. What has Haas' Guenther have to say about all this? “I- uh, she’s good despite being a rookie, even better than some…” he looks around, giving them "the look" that says everything about what he means, “but I have a reason to believe our... negotiations will be on hold. Like how she did with her team in the last two years.. she uhm-”

With McLaren’s shoot on hold, Guenther takes his chance to walk right behind the team to have a small chat with Val who was once again wandering around the paddock.

The rookie still chatting up her closest companion, Lando, looks off to the side when her name was called. Lando, taking his chance, shoots her arm. Receiving a groan from her.

Guenther who was now closer to them call back her attention, “Hey, you. Answer my call yeah?”

She laughs knowing the meaning behind his words, but being the cheeky person that she is, tilts her head before innocently saying, “My phone isn’t on me. I’m sorry, I guess?”

Back to the interview, Haas’ team principal can only drag a hand down his face while letting out a breath, “That would be true if she’s been in contact with us, but she isn’t, so no.”

Ep 5: Staying Alive

Zooming in on Val congratulating Lando and Danny on their 1-2 Monza Win

The camera zooms past all the McLaren employees to show Valentina rushing inside towards Lando who’s still in the team’s garage after the podium.

Her voice, barely audible is heard over that chatting in the room, “Norris!!” she reaches up to take him into a hug, which Lando reciprocated. Letting go, Val pats his shoulder a wide smile on her face, “Well done, mate! McLaren be getting that 1-2 win, yes?”

Giving the younger one a never-changing appreciative smile, he pats her hand on his shoulder in return, “Yeah…” Their conversation fades out as Lando walks her out of the garage to where the rest of the drivers are.

Finally seeing the other McLaren winner, Val quickens her steps offering her hand out for a fist bump with Daniel, “Well done to you too, Ricciardo!”

He pushes her sideways by his hip, “Aww, isn’t that sweet. But don’t push it, kid. You’re just saying that, so I’ll congratulate you on your next win.”

Releasing an exaggerated gasp, she looks at the other two drivers, Carlos and Lando, “I am not... but you did say next so...” Fading out the conversation, she tries to kick his shin, which he did evade.

Ep 6: A Point to Prove

A driver and their engineer's radio moments are one of the most awaited when it comes to Formula 1. And to say that Val and her engineer Alejandro's radio moments are entertaining is an understatement.

HUNGARY The whole Turn 1 drama but in Val’s POV

It’s lights out and away we go

Corbyn-Alfa Romeo oh... my... gosh... Alejandro... Keep position, multiple crashes in turn 1 Yep.. so early in the race, guys. Too early

Corbyn trying to take advantage of the chaos and- OH NO! Being pushed on the rear by the McLaren...

The Aston Martin into the Ferrari, the McLaren and the Alfa Romeo

Corbyn-Alfa Romeo Holy shit, that did not just fucking happen Language Sorry sorry  Copy, Val. Red flag then Lap 3. Box please, Box Okie

Ep 7: Growing Pains

So far, the fellow has been the only one to raise Alpha Tauri’s Yuki Tsunoda’s spirits after a temper tantrum. And to say that isn’t a shock actually, with both drivers having fits on track you can say that the other actually handles themselves better. 

Standing by the door, Val currently has a clear view of the paddock’s entrance. Seeing Yuki’s familiar stature walking towards the building, she races both her arms up, as he enters, to get his attention.

Clearing her throat, she lets out the phrase she’s been practicing all night just to race Yuki’s spirits. It sort of became a thing between the two young rookies.

“Hey, Yuki-san!! Kyō no rēsu no junbi wa dekite imasu ka?” She said laughing at her broken Japanese. In response, Yuki laughed at her attempt and gave her a high five before responding and walking further away from the camera. (Are you ready for today's race?)

Ep 8: Dances with Wolff

Belgian Grand Prix - Qualifying  

Corbyn-Alfa Romeo Val, red flag ahead, slow down. Vettel’s still half a second behind. What’s happened? …. Ale? …Norris has had a bit of shunt in Eau Rouge exhaling loudly Fucking hell should’ve called this off earlier.

Seeing the wreckage, the rookie is seen stopping a close few feet away, before getting up from her seat. Norris shook his head at her actions.

Corbyn-Alfa Romeo No, Val, the race is still a go. Continue on, he’s fine The hell he is... shitting, FUCK! Calm down, he’s fine safety’s on the way she waves her hand, asking if he’s ok You guys are fucking kidding me, should’ve prevented this earlier Copy, copy. Vettel had shared the same thought. who’s now directly behind you and Val, language, please. ok... ducking bum heads they are.

Ep 9:  Gloves are Off

QATAR

We’re in the desert. We’re in Qatar for this year’s brand-new circuits in the Middle East

The few-second clips has shown Mercedes’ Toto Wolff arriving, Checo and his team on the track, Carlos and- rather Carlos’ team can be seen scurrying around the place, trying to find their missing driver.

A few minutes in and the drivers and their are getting ready for today’s practice. Buxton's voice in the background is heard as the hunt for Carlos Sainz is starting,

Valentina has clearly been a fan and paddock favourite ever since her debut. The way she fits in with the other 19 drivers who clearly dominate the area is surprising. Throughout the season Val has shown how capable she is as a rookie driver deserving of her seat, her confidence and attitude on track are what keeps her in the positions she’s currently at. And with the outstanding results she’s been getting, there’s no doubt she’ll be getting some contracts on her desk. But what these people forget is that this astonishing driver is the youngest on the grid at only eighteen...

Zooming in, a very peculiar situation can be seen inside the Ferrari motor home. A driver who clearly isn’t supposed to be there is currently on the couch, sleeping with Ferrari’s missing driver. 

Valentina is seen still wrapped up in her team’s jacket, leaning toward her fellow Spaniard who lets her, despite being called by his team a couple times. Seeing the camera recording them, Carlos places a finger towards his mouth gesturing for them to keep quiet as he points it to Valentina. 

This is a sight that the whole Formula 1 community has come to cherish.

For the second time in the series, Will Buxton, a known F1 journalist talks about another possible driver change, now for Red Bull Racing. Other than the fight for the championship, Alfa Romeo has had a massive comeback, currently running for fourth place verse McLaren. Points have been increasing, the majority coming from the rookie, Valentina Corbyn, who has scored the most points than the other three… Adding to her tremendous starting career as an f1 driver, Valentina not only has had Haas coming after her, but Red Bull Racing’s Christian Horner has also been a frequent guest at Alfa Romeo’s motorhome. With Red Bull only having signed Sergio Perez as their driver this season, is he ready to lose his seat to the 18-year-old that fast? “Bonjour”  “Bonjour” Red Bull’s Christian Horner greets the journalist in front of him. “There seems to be a high level of tension between the drivers, the team principals, and now the newly signed and rookie drivers. Is it good for Formula 1 or is it a bit—“ Cutting him off Christian answers, “It’s a competition, you know? It’s not a kids club. And you know, we operate in different ways. Toto will shout and scream at the camera. Maybe I’m a little bit more, calm.” “Other than that, rumours have been circulating that you’re in the process of having Alfa Romeo’s Corbyn sign in with Red Bull for next year’s season. What does that mean for Perez?” With a neutral stare, the Red Bull team principal crosses his arms to his chest, “Contracts are what keep a driver’s career running aside from their skills. Valentina’s a very skilled driver so if she does end up with us, the media isn’t going to be announcing it to the world.”

Ep 10: Hard Racing

Interview cameos can be fun from time to time. But when two youngsters are in the same room, the fun comes first before you can even start something.

0:21

"Right!"

"Testing, three, four. Nutsack, five, six," Daniel started as soon as he sat down.

Lando, who has his foot in the air, can be seen trying to swat something, or rather someone, with his other slipper.

Pointing to Val, who was by the door, "Oi get her out. What the hell you’re doing here, anyway?"

Shrugging, she just raises her hands in surrender, "Don’t worry Lando, I've seen weirder stuff that you do."

Throwing his slipper at her response, the video pans as she's seen exiting the room.

Sighing at her antics, "Ok… Action!"

2:59

Who’s your money on? Smiling, Daniel shakes his head, "I’ve gone back and forth. At this rate, it’s a flip of a coin," he said, voice filled with hesitance. George, contrary to Daniel, went with a straight answer, "I think Lewis is gonna get it." Along with Lando, who was quite happy with his response, "I think it all points to one person… Max Verstappen" Pierre, with confidence, "Lewis and Max won’t see the second corner." Valentina, however, didn't give a clear answer when asked. She's caught off guard by the question as she stopped tying her hair up mid-way. "That is a dangerous question. If I want my dad to kill me, I’ll have to answer Max… But if I want Hor- a certain someone to get mad at me, I’ll say Lewis... You know what, let’s just wait and see." She concludes with that know loved smile of hers.

Welcome along to the final round of this 2021 season.

The clips show a range of drivers getting ready in their own garages, all went by smoothly before it ended with Alfa Romeo's final driver.

Val, having a hard time zipping her suit up, points to the camera mouthing, “See you soon on the podium!” Winking, after she's zipped up with the balaclava on her head before securing her helmet in place.

[starleska]

[stepping over the picket fence from my backyard into your backyard, like I’ve learnt anything about Despicable Me or Maxime since my last ask besides it is, indeed, the masc “le Mal” and not the feminine “la Mal”]

Hi, hey, howdy, don't worry about getting to this ask quickly or replying or anything, you take care of yourself, do what you need to do, do what you want to do 💕 I'm going on a thought experiment, a couple of thought experiments. <3 

but I was pondering my orb or taking a four hour nap or whatever you wanna call it and like. Is flustered, needy Maxime a new concept???? Not something that’s been greatly considered????? Bc tbh, he always gave me those vibes. For some reason. Like “Oh yeah, of COURSE he’s clingy and embarrassed and blushy and etc etc”. I’m not even sure why I was so sure but it just felt right. 💖 Surely…I wasn’t…projecting any type of …”personal biases” upon himAHEM so sorry, allergies. 

That big coat is for hiding and he totally can just, dissappear in there and hide from the world. He could pull the coat up and his head in and hope he can cover how read his face is. Like don't look at him rn, he's so vulnerable and uncomfortable about it bc he's used to being so big and impervious, but also don't go away, bc he likes you sm and this is so nice and he loves being adored. But also it's so much!!!!!!!!! Vicious cycle.

I'm a Blushy Needy Maxime truther. Or liar. I'll leave it to the people who've actually seen the movie to decide. Just the bigger the ego, the harder they fall, thats what I always say. Don't fact check that. 

What do you reckon flusters him most? Nice words? Physical affection? Teasing? Gifts? All of the above? I feel like it could be anything. 👀 or maybe it’s none of the above. 

Maybe I underestimate him, maybe he's got better composure than I assume, but every set of armor has a weakness! Anyone can get flustered, Maxime can get flustered, and tbh he probably should get flustered. Where there’s a will there’s a way! …Maybe Valentina would help. Either way I KNOW THAT GUY IS GETTING FLUSTERED I know it 

Accidentally a little overboard with the teasing and flustering and he gets all in a huff, giving the cold shoulder. You gotta say you’re sorry and wrap your arms around him, and in an ideal world he’d hold strong to his grudge until he felt you’ve paid your dues, but he can’t help but melt into your embrace. He compromises, turning back to you, burying his still-hot face into you and refusing to look at you instead. His arms tight around you, not letting you go even long after you assume all is well. His ire is still on you, you know! You owe him a lot for all that trouble you put him through! And besides, he still feels lightheaded from all this blood rushing to his face. You must let him stay in your soft, supportive embrace for just a moment longer. You wouldn’t turn him out now, would you? After you did this to him?  For shame. 

(He is Not intending to let you go anytime soon, he is making up all the excuses)

…hm…I may be talking in circles and not saying much of anything. I also feel like I’ve Greatly Exposed myself today. I gotta go disinfect my ear piercings…I gotta wash my neckties….I gotta refill my mint essential oil diffuser to keep away…the….the bugs…ahem…I gotta make a Pokémon team for Normal Reasons. 

I'm also once again coming to you cold, literally standing next to an actual oven for warmth like a Victorian child when my jacket is on a chair literally just one Maxime away. I’ve Got to GO. I CANT KEEP BEING LET OUT OF CONTAINMENT LIKE THIS. Thank you for listening to my TEDTalk/hostage situation. If anyone asks, I was never here. Take care, you’re great <3 

[Runs away, jumping fences like I committed a crime here.]

not you dropping an entire three course meal and dessert into my askbox, á la mode!!!!!!! 🙈💖💖 for someone who claims they don't know anything about Maxime, you certainly have put a lot of thought into this message...😉

you know, at the time you sent this ask I would've said that flustered, needy Maxime is a new concept, but we've had an amazing wave of art for him over the past week and there's so much of him being all cute and blushy 🙈🙈💖💖 i think it's that he is so easily angered and hates being called cute…he's total fluster-bait!!! we NEED to make him blush 🥺 AAAAA ohhh my god the idea of him wrapping his coat around himself and hiding is so soft!!!! no no you are SO onto something because Maxime is so horribly arrogant and confident, he's a bully who loves the spotlight and desperately wants attention…so wouldn't it be interesting to finally hit that sweet spot and get him wanting to hide? i really do think overt affection like that would make him curl up, and if you did it in a pointed enough way, his face would light up like a traffic light 🥰💖 i think that Maxime is probably really unprepared for anyone who is able to match his energy. he's looking down at you all heavy-lidded, boasting about himself and casually belittling you, but you shoot back with a well-aimed flirtation and it just. hits him like a truck. his cheeks warm, he starts to stammer. he desperately tries to recover, but he's actually looking for an out because he needs to find somewhere to breathe and quiet his beating heart 👀💖 YOU ARE CORRECT Valentina would so get involved!!! you've probably seen us talk about Valentina a bit before, and our wishes that she'd had more dialogue/character development in the movie…but two things that are very canon about Valentina is that she loves cute things, and she also thinks MAXIME is really cute 👉👈 i am certain that behind closed doors those two lavish all kinds of attention on each other, and Valentina turns Maxime tomato-red every time!!!! squealing no no no please don't be embarrassed i LOVE this!!!! gahhhh i adore that quick possessive flip from being so embarrassed and curling in on himself to it being something where he desperately wants to keep you, he can't let you go…!!! oh, my heart 😳😳😳 it's going to sound so silly given all of the stuff i've made for Maxime and being a selfshipper but i adore him so much that i STILL get so incredibly squirmy even trying to imagine any degree of one-on-one discussion with him, let alone contact…!!!! it's taken me a week to answer this ask for exactly that reason 🙈💖 so THANK YOU for fueling my brain i am going to chew through my hoodie sleeves now 😳😳😳 cackles. are we both sufficiently dead now? did you manage to do all of those convenient excuse-related things (including making the Pokémon team which i would LOVE to hear about)? 👀 it's OKAY lovely, open yourself up!!! there are no rules when it comes to loving characters - who says we can't adore many at once?! 🥰 thank you for always sending the loveliest, most interesting asks!! i've been mulling over this one for a hot minute and it's really, really cheered me up after a tough month, so big big hugs 🫂💖💖

[marcmarcmomarc]

Miraculous

Chapter 11: Lila’s Evildoing

(In Paris, Lila stares out her window. Mrs. Rossi comes in.)

MRS. ROSSI: Hey, Lila.

(Lila doesn’t look at her.)

MRS. ROSSI: I know you’ve been dishonest with me about so much. And I think it’s important that we talk about it.

LILA: I suppose, but not now.

MRS. ROSSI: I see. I’ve gotta go. Ciao, mi bella.

(Mrs. Rossi leaves. Lila glances back, then smirks. She jumps out of her window to the street right outside her house. Later, she arrives at an alley.)

LILA: Alright. Whoever you guys are, you can come out now.

(Evelyn Deavor, Morag, Smek, Velvet, Shelbourne, Henry J. Waternoose, Randall Boggs, Johnny Worthington, Victor “Vector” Perkins, Balthazar Bratt, Eduardo “El Macho” Perez, Scarlet and Herb Overkill, the Vicious Six, and Bela step out of the shadow.)

LILA: Ah, fellow villains, I see?

EVELYN: I’m Evelyn Deavor. My do-good brother created DEVTech and brought Supers back into the light. I attempted to keep them illegal by making them look bad with hypnotism. My alter-ego was the Screenslaver.

MORAG: I’m Morag. I was the rightful ruler of Scotland, and then the Loud family ruined it for me!

SMEK: I am Smek. I was captain of the Boov race until Oh became the first Boov to run toward the danger, toward a Gorg ship, and took over.

VELVET: I’m Velvet. My brother and I were music stars who used Trolls to boost our singing, until that little scab Queen Poppy and her boyfriend exposed us and got us arrested!

SHELBOURNE: I’m Shelbourne. I was the mayor of Swallow Falls. But then Flint Lockwood and his food machine saved the town.

WATERNOOSE: I’m Henry J. Waternoose. I was the CEO of Monsters, Incorporated, before James P. Sullivan exposed that I would kidnap a thousand children and extract their screams to keep Monstropolis’ power running before I’d let the company die.

RANDALL: I’m Randall Boggs. The second-best Scarer in the business. So close behind Sullivan. I also made the Scream Extractor to assist Waternoose’s scheme.

JOHNNY: I am Johnny Worthington III, president of Roar Omega Roar. Boggs and I attempted to work together to make Laugh Power look bad to stick it to Sullivan. Unfortunately, my assistant ratted us out.

VECTOR: I’m Victor Perkins. I call myself Vector. After I stole the Pyramid of Giza, Gru tried to one-up me by stealing the moon.

EL MACHO: Yo soy Eduardo Perez, aka El Macho. I once worked with Agent Gru’s scientist to make indestructible killing machines out of his Minions.

BRATT: I’m Balthazar Bratt. I was a star on an 80’s TV show, Evil Bratt. But then Hollywood rejected me once I hit puberty and had a growth spurt.

MAXIME: I am Maxime Le Mal. I’ve wanted to get my revenge on Gru since he upstaged me at the school talent show.

VALENTINA: I’m his girlfriend, Valentina.

SCARLET: I am Scarlet Overkill, the world’s first female supervillain. I wanted to overthrow England and have the crown for myself, but the Minions betrayed me.

HERB: I’m Scarlet’s husband and master of gadgetry, Herb.

BELLE: I’m Belle Bottom. Leader of the Vicious Six.

JEAN-CLAWED: Jean-Clawed.

SVENGEANCE: Svengeance.

STRONGHOLD: Stronghold.

NUN-CHUCK: And Nun-Chuck.

LILA: Isn’t that only five of you?

BELLE: Wild Knuckles. He was our leader, before we abandoned him.

BELA: I am Bela. Normally, I don’t work with humans, but any enemy of Dupain-Cheng is an ally of mine.

AUSTIN: And I’m Austin Holden, aka ASLB247. I once tried to reveal Ladybug and Cat Noir’s identities at a panel and was humiliated by them for it.

(Meanwhile, Hawk Moth’s lair window opens.)

HAWK MOTH: Ooh. An embarrassed fan who wishes to reveal Ladybug and Cat Noir? Easy akuma prey.)

(A white butterfly lands in his open hand. He turns it into an akuma and sends it out.)

HAWK MOTH: Fly away, my little akuma, and evilize him!

(The akuma flutters over the city and eventually reaches Austin’s sword.)

LILA: Check it out, Austin. An akuma.

AUSTIN: Hawk Moth, I am Austin Holden. Ladybug and Cat Noir’s Miraculous you want? Their Miraculous you’ll get.

HAWK MOTH: And you will be able to track them down as The Huntsman.

(The purple akuma smoke engulfs him, then dissipates, revealing him now wearing his Huntsman cosplay.)

LILA: Ooh, cool look. Round out!

(The villains surround Lila, having elected her as their undisputed leader.)

LILA: We are gonna fight hard for this territory and it’s ours. But with these mouth-breathing fools serving as cover, we won’t get it.

SMEK: As of now, Adrien and his group have already tried one attempt to get Marinette back. They are in the midst of making another, but no matter how much they try, she’ll never be convinced.

LILA: Nice. Meanwhile, we’re here about to make this city our own. Small turf, I know, but it’s all we’ve got. I wanna hold this city like we always held it. With skin! I say I want us evil folk to sail, to hold the sky!

VECTOR: Then rev us off. Voom-va voom!

VELVET: Chung-chung!

RANDALL: Cracko, jacko!

EVELYN: Pam-pam!

BRATT: Riga-diga-dum!

LILA: OK, fellas, we’re taking this city!

LILA: (SINGING) When you’re evil, you’re evil all the way From your first felony ‘till your last dying day When you’re evil, let them do what they can You’ve got brothers around, you’re a family man You’re never alone, you’re never disconnected You’re home with your own when company’s expected, you’re well protected Then you are set with a capital V Which you’ll never forget, like the birds and the bees When you’re evil, you stay evil

LILA: Now, contrary to Smek, I’m taking a wild step in the dark that Marinette will be back eventually, but by then, we’ll have taken over. Too late for them.

SHELBOURNE: Of course.

EL MACHO: So what is your idea?

VELVET: It won’t be easy taking this city over.

LILA: No sweat. You guys are some of the strongest villains in the multiverse, and these guys give in to anything. Just scare them and you’re on top.

HUNTSMAN: Great!

MORAG: Then this will be good.

BRATT: Operation Take Over Paris begins!

VECTOR: Oh, yeah!

RANDALL: When you’re evil, you are most feared in town You’re the gold medal champ with a heavyweight crown

EVELYN: When you’re evil, you’re the swingin’-est thing Little boy, you’re a man, little man, you’re a king

VILLAINS: The villains are in gear, our cylinders are clicking Those freaks will steer clear, ‘cause every Parisian’s a lousy chicken

(They walk through the city, scaring civilians as they go.)

VILLAINS: Here come the villains, like a bat out of Hell Someone gets in our way, someone don’t feel so well We are villains, little world, step aside Better go underground, better run, better hide We’re drawing the line, so keep your noses hidden We’re hanging a sign, says, “Visitors forbidden”, and we ain’t kidding Here come the villains, and we’re gonna beat every last peasant on these dirty bugging streets Each peasant on these dirty bugging streets

LILA: Alright, villains, let’s get to work!

[blondie20000]

Challenge - Bucky Barnes x Yelena Belova

"Well..." Bucky clears his throat. "This is awkward."

"It's not awkward."

"Really? Well for starters there's not much leg room?"

"Not my fault you are so fucking tall."

"Me? I thought your ego was taking up the space."

Yelena glares at him. Bucky faced her with a smirk on his lips.

The mission was simple go in, gather intel and later regroup with the others and plan their next steps. Yelena wanted to ride this mission solo but Barnes decided to tag along insisting she needs back up. The White Widow protested tried everything she could to get out of this but unfortunately the others all thought it was a good idea. Yelena even turned to Alexei silently pleading for him to step in but instead he nodded and agreed that it is a good idea.

This happened to be the one time where Yelena hoped Alexei would develop some sort of fatherly instincts and go into a crazy fit at the thought of his baby girl being alone with a guy and not just any guy but the fucking Winter Soldier but no Alexei was all for it.

Well screw him.

As soon as they stepped off the helicopter Yelena told Barnes to stay out of her away she wasn't in the mood for social chit out and she most certainly wasn't in the mood to deal with him. Yelena didn't hate Bucky he was more of a pain in the ass than anything they always argued, always competed against each other, and that smirk that damm smirk he kept giving her irritated the Hell out of her.

He is giving her that annoying smirk now as they are pressed against each other in a closet. His back is up against the wall with her leaning into his chest. She tried to wriggle and find other positions but everywhere she went she found herself face first into his chest.

Fuck!

He had the nerve to say this is awkward?

It's worse for her!

Yelena wasn't going to blush or be embarrassed no way not in front of him. She would happily give him a good kick if there wasn't people outside.

Yelena couldn't understand how this happened. Valentina said Helge and his men would be out at a meeting and they won't suppose to be back until the evening so why the Hell have they come back early? She knew needed to contact the others but she feared she would raise suspicion and increase their chances of getting caught.

Yelena shifts and tries to lower herself to the ground but she ends up smacking into his crotch.

Argh!

Just what she needed.

"You can't get enough of me." Bucky smirked down at her.

"Shut up." She whispered. "If those assholes won't outside you would have no dick by now."

"Thinking about how you will handle my dick is kind of a turn on."

Yelena goes back up. She is back against his chest again but at least that's better than his crotch.

"I suggest you sleep with your eye open tonight." She warned.

"Is that your way of a invitation Belova?"

"In your dreams Barnes."

"Would be the most pleasant dream I ever had."

Yelena grits her teeth. This guy does not know when to shut up.

"I knew I should have gone in alone."

"And get yourself killed in the process?" His voice turned serious.

"I can handle myself I don't need a knight in shining armor to save me."

"You got to let us help you Yelena."

She looks up at him and let's out a scoff.

"You mean you want to help me?"

"We're a team yes?"

"Unfortunately."

He sighs.

"Look I get that you hate me..."

"Never said that."

"So you don't hate me?"

"Never said that either."

"You never give me a straight answer."

"Thought you loved riddles."

"Depends on the type." He is looking down at her again. "I do like a challenge the ones where you have to remove it layer by layer."

She raises an eyebrow at that.

"That so?"

"They are fascinating, fun to explore."

"You are a patient one I prefer to go straight for the kill." She nodded.

"Why the rush?"

"Saves the time."

"True but it also kills the enjoyment. The build up, the suspense as you drawing close towards the answer." His eyes skim her up and down. "When you finally get what you want, it is a achievement, all that effort has truly paid off."

Yelena taps his chest and shakes her head.

"Sometimes the big reveal can be disappointing all that build up for nothing."

"I only search when I know it will be worth it."

"How do you know it will be worth it?"

"I just...I just know." He exhaled. His hot breath hits her face.

Yelena did her best to keep her face blank. Judging by the small tug of his lips she knew she is blushing. Damm it she is blushing.

Yelena turns away and looks through the gap. Helge's second in command Boris dismisses the meeting and orders everyone to leave. Moments later Boris grabs his coat and leaves with the others.

Good.

Yelena knew they could leave but for some reason she found herself still in the closet with him. He hasn't attempted to move either.

"Well?" She asked with a huff.

He motions with his hand.

"Ladies first."

She laughs at that causing him to frown.

"Manners will not get you far White Wolf." She slaps him on the arm and steps out of the closet.

"I disagree." Barnes tilts his head. "Got a good view out of it."

The scowl is back on her face again. He chuckles and steps out.

"So where shall we start?" He asked changing the subject.

Yelena ignores him and begins looking through the drawers.

"Quit looking at my ass." She warned him as she shoved the papers out of the way.

He responds with another chuckle.

Minutes later Yelena finds a booklet and picks it up.

"Hey check this out." She turns and finds herself back against his chest.

Yelena growled under her breath.

"Do you mind?"

"You just can't help yourself." He grinned. She glares at him. "What am I looking at?"

She shrugs it off and shoves the booklet in his hands.

"Here might be a lead."

Bucky takes the booklet. He leans against the desk and starts to read it. Yelena's eyes linger on his arms. His prosthetic hand trails along his chin as he studies the writing. His eyes are deep in thought. The White Widow snapped out of her trance when his eyes shift on to hers.

"Looks legit." He then nods. "Good job."

"And I didn't even need you." She waves him off. "I was fine like I said I would."

"You look hot to me."

She gulped at that.

"You look like you need some air?" He added.

"Right? Yeah course. It is quite warm in here."

"Really?" He frowns. "Thought the opposite."

"Cold?"

"Very."

He places his prosthetic hand on her arm to make a point. Yelena shivered at the contact but she didn't pull away instead she looks up at him. His eyes meet hers. Yelena swallows and her mind is screaming at her to back off.

Yelena takes several steps forward.

He waits for her.

She cranes her neck up to look at him. He looks down at her.

Waiting.

Her mind continued to scream no.

He gives her a knowing look.

She presses herself against him.

Still screaming no.

He raises an eyebrow.

She tilts her head.

"Don't make me fucking regret this."

"You won't." He said with such confidence Yelena actually believed him.

That did it.

She shuts her mind down and let's the natural instincts kick in.

Then she locks her lips with his.

He kisses her back.

Yelena wraps her arms around him and pulls him in. Bucky growls and holds on to her tight. The pent up emotions all came flooding out, their desire for each other overrode everything else.

Seconds later they both pull away and gasp for air. Bucky scoops her up by the waist and lies her down on her back on the desk.

No going back now. She thought as he climbs on top of her.

Yelena removes her zip and allows him to pull her suit down. Once that is done Bucky removes his belt and lowers his trousers.

Yelena wanted all of him. She grabs on to his jacket and tugs at it wanting it off. Bucky smirks at that.

"Eager I see?"

"I can easily change my mind Barnes."

"And resist me?" Bucky places his hand on his heart. "That's not happening."

"I'm not like other girls." She presses her boot against his boxers. "You could still walk out of here without your manhood."

"Like to see you try." He challenged her.

She smirks. Her heel digs into him.

"Shouldn't challenge me White Wolf."

"Whatever you say White Widow."

It wasn't long before he started kissing her again. Hot and fierce. She responded with a moan. He pushes his tongue in and rolls it along with hers. Suddenly he pulls away and flips the White Widow on her stomach. Yelena gasps in surprise.

"Assh..." She is cut off as he kisses her neck.

"Hmm." He hummed. His hands move to her ass. He gives her a cheeky slap on the ass causing another gasp to come from her.

"You were saying?" He grinned in her ear.

"You are enjoying this." She replied.

"I did say the wait will be worth it."

"Sorry to disappoint but there's no prize."

His hand goes to her breast.

"Sure about that?"

He squeezed her nipple causing her to moan. She now understood about those rumors of Sergeant Barnes being a womaniser back in the day. He continued to tease her and smothered her with kisses. Yelena tried to stop herself from smiling but she couldn't help it.

"She smiles." He pretends to gasp.

She tried to hide it but he shakes his head.

"It suits you. Its a lovely smile."

There was no teasing he is serious she can tell. That compliment caused her smile to widen.

Yelena then felt the tip of cock pressed against her. He leans forward and brushes the hair away from her face.

"You okay with this?" He asked.

Womaniser but respectful? Hmm?

"I am." She nods to him. She turns her head and smirks at him. "But are you?"

A sharp intake of breath comes from him when her fingers brush against his cock.

"Hard already?" Yelena scoffed. "Has your previous affairs ever got a reaction this quick out of you? Should I feel honored?"

Bucky said nothing.

Yelena then feels his hand circling her entrance.

"Wet already?" He said with amusement. "Has your previous affairs ever got a reaction this quick out of you? Should I feel honored?" He repeated his words back at her.

She inwardly groaned.

Damm.

"I have never met someone like you." Bucky then said. "So feisty so challenging. Did I say I like a challenge?"

"You did. I like challenges too I'm also a gamer."

"Really?"

"Hmm and if you don't get inside me right now I'll set the alarm and ensure Helge's guys find you butt-naked in their office. What a sight that would be."

"Someone doesn't play nice."

"Who said anything about the game being fair." She gives him a devilish smirk. "Now come on soldier boy buckle up."

She pushed her ass against him. He might be on top but she is damm well giving out the orders here.

"As you wish Miss Belova."

Yelena suddenly gasps as she feels him go inside her. Before she could process what is going on Barnes then starts to pound into her.

He went straight into it fast and aggressive releasing all that energy on to her. Yelena cursed in Russian. Barnes pushes into her with full force his cock slides deep inside her. Yelena grips the edge of the desk as he continued to rock her.

"Usually I like to take my time." Bucky leans forward. "But we are on a time limit so..." He kisses her cheek and pulls at her earlobe. Yelena moans with pleasure. She nudges her head and brushes against his growth. "Hmm." Bucky smiled.

Yelena turns and bites his lip. He groans. Yelena raises her leg and strokes his thigh. She pushes her tongue in his mouth and kisses him until it makes them both dazed.

"Yelena." He mumbled into the kiss. "Yelena." He repeated her name sounding more urgent. His need for her consumed him.

Bucky eventually pulls away and this earned another hard thrust from him. Yelena's legs drop and she is back flat on her stomach again completely at his mercy.

He laughs and grasps her ass. He slowly pulls himself out of her then quickly slams back into her again.

"Eбать!" (Fuck) She again cursed in Russian. "James!"

Another thrust.

"Oh my God!" She squealed.

He chuckles.

She covers her mouth with her hand not wanting to give him any more satisfaction but Bucky removes her hand and shakes his head.

"Don't stop." He said his voice becoming breathless. "I like it. The sounds you are making it is...It is so fucking hot and so..." His voice lowers. "Cексуальный." (Sexy)

She held her breath as the words travel into her ear. Hearing Barnes complimenting her in Russian made her suddenly weak to her knees.

Damm him for making her like this.

He is next to her grinning again.

"Bastard." She said but it came out weak and needy. This only made her groan.

His grin widens.

Eventually Yelena started to feel the fire forming at the bottom of her belly. She is close but she wasn't going to beg no way not to him so she squeezes her eyes shut and tries to hold on as much as she can.

"Yel." Yelena can feel Bucky trembling as he spoke. "I need to..."

Oh yes finally! She thought.

If she is being honest she couldn't hold on much longer.

"Fire away White Wolf." She tried to joke but with the burning feeling inside her the joke ended up coming out quite desperate and oh God did that sound like a beg?

Argh!

Bucky increases his hold on her. His strong arms wraps around her. Yelena feels the heat from the flesh and the cold from the metal. She found it disorienting and it ended up driving her over the edge.

Yelena bites down on her lip and stops the scream that threatened to form in case anyone heard. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she let it all out.

Barnes buried himself in the crook of her neck and grits his teeth as he too rode his orgasm out. Minutes later Bucky loosens his hold on her and they both lay on top of the desk panting and trying to catch their breath.

"Damm." Bucky managed to spit out. He takes another deep breath and shakes his head. "That was something."

Yelena does a small nod.

Something they can both agree on for once.

As Yelena gets dressed she turns to the White Wolf and says.

"We never speak of this again what we did does not leave this room understand?"

Bucky nods his face serious.

"I understand."

She throws her backpack on.

"Your dick has survived for now."

"For now?" He raises an eyebrow at her. "Are you saying there will be a next time Miss Belova?"

"I never said that."

He smiles and looks down as he puts his boots on.

"Whatever you say doll."

She glares at him.

"Don't call me that."

He gives her an innocent look.

"Okay."

Yelena rolls her eyes and sighs heavily.

"Come on let's get out of here." She said moments later.

...............

"Oh my God am I seeing things or is Barnes actually smiling?"

John Walker greeted the duo with a big grin on his face.

"Walker." Bucky said formally.

"Hey!" Yelena nods to the other Super Soldier. "We bring gifts."

"Great." Walker nods. "The others are next door."

Yelena again nods. She gives Bucky a small smile then goes and joins the others. Walker's attention turns back to Barnes again. He raises an amused eyebrow.

"What's got you in a good mood Barnes?"

"It's certainly not you." Bucky responded sarcastically. He then turns away and follows the White Widow

Walker places his hand on his chest and pretends to look offended.

"Ouch."

"I knew you would make it." Alexei greeted Yelena with a hug. "Well done soldier." He slaps Barnes on the back.

Bucky forced a smile followed by a nod.

"What did you find out?" Ava asked.

Antonia raises her head and waits patiently for the meeting to begin.

"Yes." Walker enters the room with his hands clasped. That shit-eating grin remained on his face. "What did you two love birds find out?"

Bucky coughs at that.

"Sorry did I say something wrong?" Walker gives a knowing look followed by a smirk.

Yelena felt the blush creeping back again.

Walker folds his arms and let out a "Oooh."

"Let's stick to the plan U.S Agent." Ghost glares at him.

"Yes let's do that." Yelena slams the papers down and begins explaining what her and Barnes have found.

Walker kept his eyes on Barnes.

Bucky is trying everything he can not to look at her ass.

It is very hard not to when her suit is so freaking tight.

Bucky grits his teeth and tucks his head into his folded arms.

Walker grins.

Alexei is oblivious.

When Yelena is done Walker is the first to speak up.

"Fascinating."

He wasn't referring to their discovery.

Bucky wanted to punch him.

"You guys should do more missions together." Walker nods. "You make a good team...Quite a pair."

Another blush went across Yelena's face. Ava seemed to caught on what is going on. She lowers her head and smiles to herself.

Taskmaster continued staring blankly.

Alexei nods along agreeing with the U.S Agent.

"Absolutely."

The bastard is still oblivious.

"I swear to God." Yelena groaned out loud.

"Shut up Walker." Bucky growled.

"I could always be third wheel." Walker offered.

"No!"

"You prefer privacy got it." Walker winked.

"I would prefer to throw you out of the window." Bucky glared.

"I would happily help you do that." Yelena chimed in.

"Okay." Walker raises his arms in surrender. "Look I'm happy for you both I'm serious I'm glad the mission went well." He smiles. "Congratulations I say."

Both respond with an eye roll.

"Anyone want some food? I'm starving." Walker changed the subject. The mischief glint remained in his eyes.

"Count me in." Alexei nods. "Hey Barnes." He puts his arm around the White Wolf. "Did I ever tell you the time when I..."

Bucky tuned the Red Guardian out as the big man led him out of the room. Barnes looks helplessly at Yelena. Yelena gives him a stern look followed by a subtle gesture to his balls.

Right manhood at risk here.

Or was it an invitation?

That woman never gives a straight answer.

Bucky smiles to himself. He is okay with that.

He loves a challenge after all.

The End

[forgottenedmund]

Unannounced Arrivals | Edmund & Eithne

It was no way for a prince to behave, but somewhere between the palace and the Malconaire estate, those lines seemed to blur. Whatever sense of decorum Edmund had, it diminished the closer he was to their home. It was one of the many appeals of their home: Edmund felt freer here, somehow, and more at peace (even if that was occasionally interrupted by the general presence of both Valentina and Cassimir).

Edmund had challenged his brother for a race — knowing full well Arthur didn’t know the shortcut Edmund had only just discovered. Perhaps this advantage known only to Edmund may count as cheating, but he was of a firm mind that it would do Arthur’s ego good to loose at something athletic to his younger brother.

It was Eithne he saw first and while his main attraction to the Malconaire estate was her younger sister, Rose, Eithne was certainly his next favorite of the sisters (it was clear Brigit loathed him and Aoife was often intimidated -- neither made for exceptional conversationalists). It was a bonus that speaking with Eithne also gave Edmund a chance to tell her any number of embarrassing stories about his brother.

Eithne was out amongst the kitchen gardens (Edmund assumed she must be there on a stroll -- he did not realize she was there surveying the inventory to determine what they might be having for supper).

"I’ve come to tell you, my brother is hot on my heels. If you wish to escape his notice, you have been warned."

He gave her a wink as he dismounted his horse. He knew that Eithne did enjoy his brother's company, regardless of what he said, and while he did get some kicks out of making Arthur seem ridiculous, there would always be a part of him that did want to see him happy -- and who better than Eithne? With all of her down-to-earth sweetness that was such a stark contrast to anything that was to be found for Arthur at court.

[super-marihoes]

I haven't been drawing recently and I don't want to abandon this blog lmao so here's some headcanons. (Its mostly the bowser family)

CW: cursing and inappropriate themes

Bowser:

He wears dad glasses 👓

He's bisexual

He was a fucking menace before Junior was born, probably ran from the cops

Architecture nerd

He's got sinus issues (based on lil snotty bowser from yoshi's island)

Probably gets pegged because hes a simp

Peach:

She's also bi

Monsterfucker

The kidnappings are a publicity stunt bc she and Bowser wouldn't be allowed to be together otherwise

She was scared to be a mom at first but adopted Junior and is a proud Mama

Loves sweets

Shes peach shaped and I'm dying on that hill

Junior:

That kid has undiagnosed ADHD

Ligitimately didn't know what a mom was before Peach

Prefers to be called Junior

He has no biological mom, he was made by magic on accident

He's super smart for his age

Luigi:

That boy is gay, and i really do believe that

He and daisy have gay/lesbian solidarity

He knows about the kidnappings and the true reason behind it

Very trustworthy king

Polterpup made him less scared of ghosts

Always had an interest in the paranormal but was too scared to pursue it before Luigis Mansion

Gets overshadowed by Mario but doesn't really care

Mario:

Im gonna be honest i dont like him too much

He and Pauline are secretly together after Odyssey

The games are actaully his retelling about what happened and are sort of exhaggerated

He's actually a terrible plumber

He's got a big ego but he's working on not being an asshole

Daisy:

Thats a lesbian if I've ever seen one

In my brain she's hispanic

She's Peach's bestie and Junior's Auntie

Lives all sports and gets WAY too into it (shes just like me fr)

Bowser's golfing buddy

Scares men

Rosalina:

Shes trans 🏳️‍⚧️

Loves big ole sweaters

She, Daisy, and Peach have tea parties all the time

Some books and a cup of tea is her ideal night

Collection of big crazy earrings

Pauline:

Valentina ALLY!

She sang at Peach and Bowser's reception

Something primal inside of her wants to peg the shit out of Mario

They were exes but got back together

She said "i can fix him" but actually kinda does

Is the one that eventually tells Mario that Peach is getting sloppy toppy from a lizard

Kamek:

Who is that little gay man in the blue robe?

He's kinda crazy

He unofficially adopted Bowser

They have a very distant relationship, Kamek spoiled him with things but wasn't there very often in the emotional area (thats why hes yk like.... that)

Has a "foxy grandpa" t shirt

The Koopalings (im doing them all together):

They're Bowser’s distant family but he treated them like his niblings after their parents passed away

Ages in this order: Ludwig, Roy and Morton (twins), Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, Larry

Ludwig and Wendy have gay/lesbian hostility (affectionate)

They each have their own instrument that they excell at

Instruments go: Ludwig- piano, Roy- bass, Morton- drums, Wendy- clarinet, Iggy- ukulele, Lemmy- the motherfucking banjo, Larry- lumatone (hes gotta be quirky and different)

Lemmy talks in sign language

Morton has brain damage (hes just like me fr)

Toadsworth:

Hes old

Took care of Peach after her parents died

He micromanages everything Peach does

He knows that his daughter is getting dicked down on the kidnappings but is in denial

DE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT YOUR DAUGHTER IS A MONSTERFUCKER

He comes through in the end and supports their relationship

Thats all :)

[cyb3rscoups]

The Glory AU (3)

Wrote this while listening to the most high note packed bubblegum kpop thats ever existed.

Wanna be tagged? LMK in the comments <3

Other parts of 'The Glory'

Attuma relentlessly taps his foot, creating a redundant knocking sound against the floor of M'Baku's office. He hated having to come there. The police station was too familiar to him and his early years.

Before he discovered the fight club, he took the act of punching people in the face to the streets where he was caught more than a dozen times giving his comrades black eyes and broken ribs. By the time he was 20, he was an overly familiar face to the holding cells and handcuffs. He never had any charges only thanks to Namor and the money he kept to hush people up.

But now, he only came there to prod Chief M'Baku into 'accidentally' wiping his juvenile record so he could start from scratch in a way.

"Brother is director over one of the biggest and best hospitals in the country. Your best friend is chief of police. And you...do what? What do you do, Attuma?"

"I gave you that split lip and tattered ego."

"Your mother must be so fucking proud." M'Baku swiped his tongue over the bandaged cut mindlessly before going back to his computer. "And obviously, this woman isn't an imbecile like you. All she's got is a police report from like 2009 and she's your age so...16 years old?"

"What the hell did she do at 16?" Attuma, jumped up and rounded the oak desk, leaning over M'Baku's shoulder to take a look for himself.

"Not what she did. Some one brought her to the station because of some pretty nasty bruises and shit she had but she didn't say a word when asked what happened."

Attuma's jaw ticked as he squinted at the report. "Move." He started to push M'Baku out of the chair gratingly until the man gave in from a grunt and stood over him while he took the seat.

He must've scrolled through the same information for at least five minutes before he brought a brutal fist down on the keyboard in anger. His chest heaved as his striking glare shifted to M'Baku who only rolled his eyes.

"Don't fucking go there, Attuma. It's not my fault she doesn't have a record!"

Attuma's temper was nothing new. He had a big tendency to go overboard and if things didn't go his way, he never thought with the morality in his head. For example, the only reason he knew the little information he just got about Okoye was because he stole the glass she held from the bar and had M'Baku scan it for her fingerprints.

Now that it seemed his delusional efforts were in vain, morality was out the window and run all the way down the street.

"You really gonna make me punch it out of you? So fucking childish sometimes." M'Baku grumbled and started to roll the sleeves of his shirt up to his forearms. "Bring it on, kid."

Attuma had a hint of a smirk before he swung at his friend, only being met with a blow to his stomach, making him double over and groan.

"Fuck!" He held to the desk. "Alright shit! I'm cool!"

"Good. Now get the fuck out of here."

------

Everett Ross. It seemed that Valentina got her highschool wish. She married well and Everett was quite high up in the social hierarchy. Now, whether he earned his spot or bought it was up for heavy debate with him. Nevertheless, Valentina made sure to marry him quickly and loudly so she could maintain her status.

They were the perfect family; Valentina, Everett, and their five year old girl, Harlow. One that Okoye hoped that they had raised well. She needed to be perfect and pliable for the cause.

She found the prestigious private school that they had enrolled Harlow in and promptly black mailed the principal into a job. Now, she was head teacher of the adorable kindergarten class.

"Good morning, kiddos." Okoye smiled as she leaned against the wood of her desk.

"Good morning, Miss Okoye." They beamed back in perfect unison, fidgeting and giggling in their seats.

"Who would like to tell me what they did this weekend?"

Instantly, the tiny hands shot up as the stories of the weekend began to crowd their brains and threatened to bleed through their eyes if they did not get a chance to speak.

"Miranda! Let's start with you." Okoye pointed to the brunette sitting a few chairs to her left and the girl squealed in excitement.

"Ooh Mommy and Daddy and me went shopping! I got a build-a-bear!" The girl gleamed with happiness as her feet swept the floor from her forceful kicking.

"That's beautiful! Dillon, how about you?"

The boy stood up sending his chair back with a squeak as he began his recall of memories. "I went fishing with my Uncle!"

"Ooh how many fish did you catch?" Okoye began to inquire.

"Two! But we let them back out when we were finished." Dillon shrugged as he dragged his seat back to his desk and plopped into it.

"That is great, Dillon. It is very important to not interrupt the environment and let nature do its job."

The kids hung to her every word with mouths agape and sparkling eyes of wonder. Suddenly, Harlow's hand went up and she waved it like a fish out of water before Okoye acknowledged it.

"Yes Harlow?"

"What did you do over the weekend, Miss Okoye?"

Okoye shrugged. "I visited some old friends from when I went to school."

It was true. The alumni awards were held just the Saturday before and Okoye had the pleasure of facing her old peers again. It was almost satisfying as they didn't even recognize their dearest Koko at first, greeting her as if they had never met before.

"Oh no. This won't do." She sucked her teeth at the trio, standing in the same spots as if they hadn't moved an inch since 2009. "You can't forget me. It won't be any fun if you don't remember me."

"Excuse me?" Valentina's tone had darkened as a tilt of her head gave away her annoyance at Okoye's arrogance.

While, the other alumni of Fredrick High had gathered by the long table of food and drinks as the interaction went on. It was almost an illusion of sorts. To the isolated group, it was like they were the only ones there but they mustn't forget, this time, there's an audience.

"Don't be coy, Val. It's me, Okoye."

Okoye could've watched the color drain from their expressions a thousand times and it never would've gotten old. "Hang on a minute. Okoye was the one that died right?" W'Kabi mumbled to Erik who rolled his eyes at the clueless man.

"No you idiot. Aneka died. Koko dropped out." Erik sneered.

"Ah!" The light bulb over the poor man's head flickered until it shone in recognition, "Now I remember. I had a lot of fun with you, Koko." He chuckled.

Valentina scoffed as she stepped to Okoye. "You've grown up." She smirked.

"You've grown old." Okoye feigned a smile. "How's your husband and kid? Bet you're the best housewife."

An audible laugh from her then and a look of pure disbelief at her words. "Bold too! You see this Erik?"

"Mhmm." Erik smiled as Valentina continued to get closer to Okoye, allowing her stiletto heels to meet her sneakers.

"You listen here, girl." She leaned into her with piercing eyes. "You were a loser then. You are a loser now."

"Who me?" Okoye doubled over in exaggerated laughter as the other looked on, half amused and quite convinced they were losing their minds. Once, her laughter died down, she sighed. "I'd watch what you say to me considering I have sweet little Harlow right under my thumb."

Again, Valentina went white as a ghost. "What about my kid?"

"The kid that I teach everyday? Tell stories to? Make sure she learns her right from her fucking left. That kid?" Her smile only grew as Valentina pigmented red with anger and fear.

"You stay away from my child, Okoye." She growled out, venom spitting from her lips

"Why? You must be scared. Hm...maybe I should enlighten her about who her mother really is. Show her the things you showed me."

"You crazy bitch!" Valentina screeched and Erik moved to hold her arms, soothing her spilling anger as he leaned into her ear

"Val...They're watching."

Surely enough, the scene had been witness by their class as they muttered their suspicions among themselves.

"Fuck who's watching." She snatched her arms from Erik's hands, glaring at him to retreat before sneering at Okoye. "I will kill you, Okoye. Just like I should've back then." She muttered.

"Yeah you should've. But you didn't, so, let me tell you what to prepare for since you let me live and sit in my pain..." Okoye raised her hands, landing them on Valentina's shoulders and swiping away the dust on her jacket before tugging at it so they were close enough for her to whisper, "Hell on earth, bitch. And trust me, I'll make sure it burns."

With a laugh, she shoved Valentina back hard enough for her to stumble and lose her footing. "I'll see you around, Val!"

@pilesofpillows @loeysaeri @hottie-hotch @xblackreader @faatxma

[kosovareasllani9]

Holy moly season finale thoughts!

Albie his Dad and Grandfather are all trash. Albie is a little spoiled rich boy who was just like yeah she played me nbd after coercing his pathetic dad to drop 50k.... And was Grandpa screwing Mia this whole time???! Hope they crash and burn in life, gotta watch out for guys like this ladies!!

Tanya Tanya Tanya.... My jaw dropped during the boat scene lol like whaaat happened! Part of me thinks the gays weren't going to hurt her and she just got paranoid but... I'm thinking they were gonna kill her. I'm just not sure why they didn't do it earlier? Why make a personal connection? Why take her to all these luxurious places just to kill her? Why not just kill her on the first boat ride there? Take out Portia too why not there's no reason to keep her around.. I honestly thought Greg would be on the boat to somewhere but nope! I wonder what the guy that jumped must think though, and what Jack thinks when he finds out!! So many lingering plot points! I do feel bad for Tanya but I'm still a little shocked she didn't put at least some of it together earlier, I thought she had moments of clarity but I guess not.. and the sound design of her hitting the rail 🤮🤮🤮🤮💀

Portia needs to find a new city to live in, new job, work on herself and stand on her own two feet before thinking about starting and relationship. But no, she goes back to Albie after a traumatizing event... Ugh

I like to think Daphne didn't do anything with Ethan. She's already got her trainer and kids, I'm not sure why she'd believe Harper slept with him after their girls night out... Idk I don't think anything happened. Maybe some oral to boost Ethan's ego but nothing more. I lived that Cameron was all sad at the end though in the airport, he's now beta dog compared to Ethan lol

PS: Daphne saying next they'll do the Maldives LMAO

Ethan and choke though, insecure lame excuse for a man.

Harper.... Idk she shouldn't have lied. I'm upset they had her lie in the first place, didn't seem on character since she told Ethan about everything else Cameron had done throughout the vacation. But she got a great lay so... I guess if they are happy then all is well, right??

Valentina will hopefully go to the lesbian bars and gain confidence in herself and find herself a girlfriend! I was very cute when she was finally nice to Rocco, good character development!

Lucia..... Idk.. not my favorite character but I guess she got what she wanted so.. good for her? One day it'll bite her but until then, good for you.

Mia needs to watch her back with Giuseppe!! I'm impressed they had time to bring him back tbh, but I'm happy for her. Got a cushy singing job and is rolling thanks to Lucia. I really hope good things happen for her!!

Great finale, not remotely what I thought would happen but I still loved it!!!

[ninas-gf]

OMG okay alright thinking blorbo thots rn ajsksksj.

so my icon is Narda Custodio, the human (or more accurately, half human, half alien) counterpart of Darna, her superhero alter ego :).

i know i know, they just switched up the letters of her name but it's so dumb it's good LMAOO.

also, here's a side by side comparison to narda and darna, honestly, even i wouldnt know they're the same person sjdmsm. like. are you sure this god like alien is this cutie emt ?? come on now.

she just got captured and got bitten by Valentina (her gf's alter ego :P) but somehow she's still slaying

here's her being handsome :D

here's her with her gf (yes she's small, she's like 5'2 or sumn)

i would love to talk about her more but i fear i may have gone a little overboard in answering your one (1) question :D

noooo don’t worry, my askbox is actually just a giant playpen for people to ramble about their blorbos endlessly !! 👍

you’re right though, she is super handsome (it’s the belt and the tucked in shirt i think…)

anyways feel free to tell me more about her 🎤

[dreamgrlevl]

closed starter for @illicitlcve ft. kimi

she shouldn't have let herself get talked into drinking with her co-star, especially after landing the role that many other starlets had been vying for, valentina included. however, one too many jabs at how she was so reformed and such a bore now had kimi bristling at the accusation. sure she had been a bit wild in the past, and she'd gone through an extensive image rehab thanks to her publicist, and her families wealth. but that didn't mean she was boring now. her ego ultimately led her right into the trap that was being set, and now she was one too many drinks in with valentina and putting all the hard work to turn herself into america's sweetheart at risk. "noooo i don't think i should drink anymore." she giggled rolling her eyes at the insistence that she just have one more drink. leaning against the other female she sighed heavily, eyes blinking heavily as she placed her head on the other's shoulder. "i'm going to get in soooo much trouble if my team finds out i let you talk me into partying tonight." she said, words slurring slightly. never once did kimi consider that maybe that damaging that reformed good girl image was exactly what valentina intended.

[makmalaon]

The Angel Of Death (Our Holy Saints Of Death 2)

I find that everyone is more or less the same. Everyone’s engulfed in their own egos and biases about the world. It doesn't matter where I travel.

A few dozen teenagers scattered in my aunt & uncles backyard in a Houston suburb. Everyone was high on weed or nitrous with breaths smelling like beer and or tequila. Police sirens blared throughout my relative’s home and to the neighbors next door. The sounds of a local gangbanger rapping over a drill beat about selling drugs and killing people blaring on the speakers. 

Everyone ran out the back or hopped a fence to neighboring houses. I was high off a cocktail of drugs and it was all a blur. I passed out. I woke in a hospital with my uncle yelling at someone on his phone next to my bed. 

“She’s wild. Out of control. We can’t have her around the kids. They look up to her and she then she does shit like this. She’s gotta go.” 

“No. Dad please. Nobody got hurt. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Said Maria, their youngest daughter. 

“She embarrassed us infront of our neighbors. Our lives are practically ruined. I know they’re talking shit about us in their groupchats. Excuse my language.” 

“You’re so dramatic tio.” 

“Girl.” 

He walked off and his boots clacked as he knocked over a tray of food by the table next to my bed. It looked like something a guy vomited at the party last night which made my stomach tense up. The smell was a mixture of diarrhea, tamales and Modelos which refused to be forgotten by my nostrils. It made me want to faint. 

My room was the size of a one bedroom apartment. Outside the window was a view of downtown Houston from the third story of the hospital. My aunt cried as my cousin wrapped her arms around her. 

“Valentina, are you okay?” Said Jane. 

“What happened?”

“You passed out in the backyard when the police came to break up your party. You looked like you were dead so they called an ambulance for you.” 

“You had us worried sick. Your parents are having a mental breakdown because of you.” 

“Have they tried praying away the stress?”

“Not now.” 

“They don’t really believe in mental health so I don’t even think they see it as a mental breakdown. It’s probably the devil or some stupid bullshit like that.” 

“Now’s not the time for your snarky disrespectful teenage nonsense. You’re leaving for Mexico city tomorrow afternoon. We already booked your flight for you.” 

“I’m sorry. I tried to tell my parents to give you another chance but they won’t listen.” 

I couldn’t care less. I hated it here in America. The people in Texas were fat, racist, dumb and southern hospitality only extended to white people. Houston was supposed to be some sort of liberal utopia compared to the rest of Texas but the average person here were awful too. They used the word “Mexican” like it was a slur. The food here was covered in oils and butter with major portions. I loved making money in dollars by scamming, shoplifting, robbing and selling drugs. I made over thirty thousand USD in the 4 months that I’ve been here which should be enough to pay for my college tuition.

The only thing I’ll miss about this godforsaken country filled with gullible entitled low IQ losers is how easy it is to make money. There’s always a new method around the corner. I hear Americans complain about immigrants stealing their jobs or making some sort of excuse for being poor but the fact of the matter is that most of them are entitled, lazy and stupid. Most of my Mexican relatives here were poor, uneducated and exceptionally dumb but they always had a way to make money. If the people of this country get beaten in the job market by people like that then the problem is them but of course most of these idiots can’t admit that to themselves so they have to resort to racism and xenophobia. 

I saw some people using the same rhetoric in Mexico but towards the slew of so-called digital nomads gentrifying parts of the city and to dehumanize migrants from south or central America. 

I ate a mega-dose of edibles and did whippets last week. I couldn’t stop thinking about how America was a dying empire. I kept seeing visions of buildings on fire, people rioting and political extremists fighting one another near government buildings. My mom used to think I was a mystic but she did a 180 once I started acting out around the time uncle Paulito got released from jail. He was sentenced to twelve years in prison for sexually assaulting a college freshman walking home from class. His defense was that the 18 year old shouldn’t be dressing in such a skimpy fit if she didn’t want that kind of attention from women. She wore a white tank top, white tennis shoes and skin tight jeans. I was shocked when my parents took his side. My mom believed that he was misguided and needed to repent in the eyes of the lord. My dad believed that the girl was lying and that she was trying to get men in trouble by dressing that way. 

I had some resentment towards my parents for being such meek religious pushovers but I couldn’t take them seriously after this whole situation unfolded. The sex pest uncle needed a place to stay after prison so my parents offered to take him in. I was 12 years old at the time. The little respect I had left for them disappeared and I started hanging out with the burnout kids. After a few weeks I realized they were a bunch of morons who were more concerned with getting high and looking cool than actually accomplishing anything. 

My goal since I was a child was to become a millionaire and I didn’t care how I’d do it. I know I didn’t want to be poor like most of the people in my family or working class like my parents who lived paycheck to paycheck throughout their lives. 

They both worked 12 hours a day while my grandma looked after me and they always preached hard work despite never being able to move out of the slum they grew up in. Neither of them have ever missed a day of work and they were never late. Mom worked various retail jobs throughout my life and dad always worked some sort of strenuous manual labor job. 

She had some sort of personality disorder which she sought 0 professional help for and dad’s knees are on the verge of giving out. They both have chronic lower back pain and they don’t have any medical insurance. They both opted out of seeing a doctor and instead resorted to this faith healer they met at church when I was a child. They have the two of them rub essential oils on their backs then have them recite some prayers. My parents thought they were cured but the crippling pain returned every few weeks. The catholic shaman suggested a visit every couple of weeks where he would sell the overpriced oils and unlicensed massage services. Mom loved these services while others.

I arrived at Mexico city international airport with nothing but my backpack full of clothes and a bunch of cash and weed carts in a hidden book safe mixed with a bunch of American snacks in my luggage. 

Mom, dad and aunt Viviana were waiting for me. She wore a black satin dress, Louis vuitton millionaire sunglasses and red Louboutin heels. She had a red Chanel classic handbag and had gold jewelry on each wrist, finger, ankle and wore a gold Tiffany curb chain necklace. Heads turned as she ran towards me to give me the tightest hug I’ve ever received in my life. 

The smell of vanilla and flowers overpowered my nostrils. 

“Oh my God Valentina baby I missed you so much.” 

I teared up. I hated just about everyone in my fucked up dysfunctional family but she was my favorite aunt because she’s hands down the coolest person I know. During elementary school when the teachers asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up, I said I wanted to be like her. I looked up to her because she made it out of that slum my kin were stuck in. She’s also the prettiest and best dressed person I know. Most of the girls in Tepito knew her and looked up to her. My parents resented her because they thought aunt Viviana was a bad influence and they believed that she worshiped the devil or she was some sort of evil witch. 

“Get in the car right now. We have so much to talk about.” 

“We were so worried about you. Oh dear lord what’s gotten into our precious daughter.” Said mom as she clasped her hands together with a rosary in her hand. 

“Ease up on the poor girl. She just got off a flight and she was just discharged from the hospital. Are you hungry?” 

“The food here is overpriced. We have food at home.” Said dad. 

“You’re such a cheapskate. I’ll pay for our meal.” 

“No. You’re not gonna reward this hoodlum after what she’s put our family through.” 

“I’m starving but I don’t want any American food. I’m sick of it and it made me fat.”

“Girl don’t be ridiculous. You look skinny. Anyway, let's stop by the taqueria near the house. They have some decent tacos.” 

“No. She’s gonna march in her room and she’s gonna stay there until she learns her lesson.” 

“What the hell is wrong with you big brother? That’s child abuse your weird old man. You look like a gay pornstar from the 1980’s with that mustache and mullet combo. No wonder your daughter doesn’t respect you.” 

“She’s our child and we’re gonna do whatever we want with her. And don’t talk about adult stuff around her.” 

“I hate you. I wish I lived with aunt Viv.” 

“You don’t want to live with me.” 

“Yeah she probably has a bunch of weird guys coming in and out of her house.” 

“Oh so now that’s a problem but not when you let that pedo uncle stay with us?” 

“He’s family. He said that girl was lying and we believe him.” Said mom.

“Then why did he go to prison?” 

“Because the criminal justice system in Mexico is broken and our country wants to be like America so bad that we started adopting that evil woke culture of theirs where women can do no wrong and all men are evil.” 

“Mom, you don’t seriously believe that.” 

“It’s true. Even if he really did it then he already paid his dues in the eyes of the law and he said he’s been heavily devoting himself to Christ.” 

“Oh right because religious people definitely aren’t weird pedos and sex criminals.” 

“That’s enough. What’s gotten into this daughter of ours. Goodness. I’ll pray for you even harder tonight.” 

“You can pray all you want. I’ll always hate that abusive pedo pig and I know he’ll never change because people like that never really do.” 

“Let’s all calm down. Let me grab some coffee with my niece somewhere in the airport while you two go somewhere to cool off too.” 

My parents agreed even though they bickered with one another over what they should do with me. Auntie talked to me about being less reckless about my activities and to stop wasting my time with petty schemes. She told me that I needed to surround myself with powerful and successful people, especially men. They told me not to waste my time with loser boys because they’re going to leave me broke, heartbroken and probably pregnant with little financial support. 

Whenever I asked her what she did for a living and how she made it out of the slums, she would always change the topic. 

“Once you’re grown, I’ll tell you.” 

Everyone suspected she was some sort of high end escort and had more than a handful of rich sugar daddies who funded her lifestyle. On her social media pages, she always posted about being in some foreign country and she always stayed at 4 or 5 star hotels.

I wouldn’t judge her if that was her line of work but that’s not something I could ever do. I despised being around men for any meaningful amount of time and I hated catering to them. She thinks of me as her sweet niece who’s straying from the right path but I’ve known since I was a child that I would never become some corn functional members of society like my parents because they do exactly as they’re told and what’s expected of them based on what Mexican culture dictates but it gets them nowhere meaningful. 

They go to church every Sunday and they’re still the most miserable, hateful and unlikable people I’ve ever known but they mask their bullshit behaviors under layers of superficial kindness, compassion and empathy. Most of the people from the shitty church are just like them too. The pastor seemed like some sort of predator or abuser too. He glanced at me all the time and he even made a comment to my parents about me developing into a beautiful woman while looking at my breasts. When I told mom and dad about it, they told me to not wear such revealing clothes next time we’re in church. I wore jeans, sneakers and a long sleeve tank top which didn’t even reveal any of my body parts outside of a tiny bit of my lower stomach. 

I had enough money saved up to move out and I made a plan to rent a place in Polanco using an identity I stole from a person in Katy, Texas. I was at a Walmart parking lot and this woman was screaming at the top of her lungs while flailing her arms. A bunch of her stuff spilled onto the parking lots as she ran away from security. I picked up her wallet which had her driver’s license and social security number. I tried looking her up but couldn’t find any information outside of an inactive facebook page where the last post was complaining about her being potentially homeless. They had a terrible credit score and seemed to be deeply in debt. I used these pieces of ID to open a bank account with a credit union which had terrible security. I did cashapp flips and other petty scams on social media. They’d transfer the money to my friend’s account who was a pro at bank drops and he’d send the money around until it got to my account. I had 22790 USD on this account after spending a few months in America. 

I learned about scamming on social media after this guy at a party my bestie threw kept trying to recruit people to work on his credit card fraud scheme. I befriended the guy, partied with him and through the information he gave me I was able to learn how to figure things out on my own. He told me which sites to go to where I could learn about the industry and some of them were on the clearnet while others on the dark web which seemed scary to me at first but it was actually pretty tame compared to what the media reported on because most of the things I saw were related to drugs or fraud. Pedophilia and gore were also huge on the darknet but there weren’t really any sort of hitman for hire services or red rooms because according to one user from the fraud forums I browsed it was too hot due to the authorities cracking down heavily on that type of behavior. 

“Girl what’s been going on with you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I heard you were doing all types of drugs. Word is you’re doing other stuff too.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh c’mon. You know you can talk to me. Your family in Texas told us they heard you sold drugs, shoplifted, scammed and did all sorts of stuff.” 

“If I did then I shouldn’t talk about it right.” 

“You can talk to me about anything. I wouldn’t judge you for it.” 

“I sold drugs. Scammed some people online. I shoplifted and did credit card fraud. I stole some person’s identity and I’m going to use it to rent a nice apartment somewhere in CDMX.” 

“Wow you’re crazy. Don’t use someone else’s identity. You’ll probably get caught. Nobody’s going to believe you’re an adult.” 

“I can’t live with my parents anymore. I hate them so much.” 

“There’s no way they’ll let you live on your own.” 

“Well I think now they will. They seem like they hate my guts.” 

“If they say no then they’ll get the police involved, they’ll find you and then arrest you for stealing someone’s identity.” 

“I think I’ll actually kill uncle pedo if he looks at me the wrong way.” 

“I asked your parents if I could be your guardian. Your mom seemed like she was on the fence about it but your day outright refused. If they let you move out then I’ll rent an apartment under my name.” 

I hugged her. She always came through for me when I needed her the most. I loved her more than anyone or anything in the world. 

As soon as I got home I started packing as many of the things I needed into my luggage and backpack. I resented most of my clothes after moving to America because I got them from the market near Tepito and they seemed cheap now that I got a taste of the brands Americans liked. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m moving out dad. Don’t try to stop me.” 

“Where are you gonna go? Who are you staying with?” 

“That’s none of your business.” 

“None of our business? You’re our fucking daughter.” 

“Language honey.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I have enough money to stay at Airbnb’s and hotels.” 

“What about school?”

“I’ll still go to school. Don’t worry. I’ll get a college degree. I don’t want to end up working low wage jobs like the two of you.” 

Dad grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. I pushed him off me and grabbed the pepper spray from my purse. He dropped to the ground streaming in pain. My eyes teared up. The smell was unbearable. I grabbed my backpack and ran out. A cab was parked a block away and I got inside then told the driver to get me to the city center as fast as he could. 

I’m at a 4 star hotel near the airport. I used a stolen credit card I bought of a site to book a room for a night. I’m messaging a bunch of weird men on my fake social media accounts. One of them offered to pay for my flight and accommodation to Cancun. Another one said they would fly me out to Los Angeles to have dinner. 

I paced around my hotel room as a reggaeton playlist I made was blaring through my portable speakers. I lost track of how many times I took a puff from my mango flavored vape. I got 7 missed calls from mom and aunty Viviana messaged me an hour ago. A plane took off and my eyes were drawn to it. I needed a break from Mexico city. I’ve only been to the surrounding areas and my parents took the family to Guadalajara when I was 6 years old. I wanted to go to a place with lots of tourists so I could scam them without feeling any remorse, especially if they were American. Aunt called me and a pit in my stomach made me answer even tho I wanted to ignore her. 

“Oh my god baby girl what the hell happened?”

“Dad was getting handsy with me so I pepper sprayed him. “

“You’re crazy.” 

“I thought he was gonna hit me or something and I wasn’t about to let that weird old man do that to me.” 

“Where are you now?”

“I’m at a hotel. I have to leave the city for a bit because I can’t be around them.” 

“Where are you going?”

“I might be going to Cancun.” 

“I’m there right now for the next few weeks. Come visit me.” 

“I don’t want to bother you.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous.. You know I’d do anything for you.” 

I’m at the Cancun international airport and from a distance I saw the only family member I trust with a brooding and bald muscular man who was about 5 '9 wearing jorts, wheat colored work boots and a white tank top. She ran towards me while wearing her white designer platform sneakers and athleisure clothes. 

“Oh my god you poor thing. I’m sorry I look so gross. I just got done working out.” 

“Stop fishing for compliments babe. You know you look hot.”

“Ew shut up. You’re being weird and gross.”

They were side by side and he proceeded to grab her by the hips then pulled her towards him but she pushed him away. Her face was red as she started smacking him in the face. 

“Go be useful and throw this bottle in the trash.” 

“Who’s your friend?” 

“That’s Gabriel. He’s like my boyfriend or something like that.” 

“Yo babe check this out. Kobe.” 

He was about 12 feet away from the recycling bin as he did a jump shot like he was in a basketball game. The bottle flew past the bin and hit a baby in a stroller. It was getting pushed by a woman passing by. The screams of the crying infant verberated throughout the airport. He ran the opposite direction. 

“He is such a fucking idiot. I’m sorry babe.” 

“He’s kinda funny.” 

“He’s fun to laugh at because he’s so dumb. More like a court jester instead of a standup comedian.” 

“He’s pretty swole.” 

“He’s the beefiest guy I’ve ever been with. I usually go for skinny guys but he’s different.” 

“Aw you like him.”

“Ew don’t be weird.” 

A group of tourists with American accents started yelling at a front desk agent in English. That along with the crying children grated my ears. 

“Why are you crying?” 

“I don’t know. There’s just so much going on right now. All the stuff happening at the airport is making my head spin.” 

“Ok let’s get out of here. First I gotta find that roided oaf. He drove me here.” 

There were signs all over the airport about the A/C not working. The smell of sweaty people made me want to faint. I stepped out to vape while aunty was on the phone yelling at her man. My hands were shaking. Shivers went throughout my body. I tried to do some deep breathing exercises I learned from a therapist I saw for 1 session in America. My gay friend Diego wouldn’t shut up about therapy whenever we smoked and he went on about how life changing it was. It didn’t really do much for me. I felt like I was paying someone to listen to me bitch about my problems. Whenever the mental health professional offered me solutions to my problems, it made me feel angry and bitter. It was condescending to think that some breathing exercises and worksheets could fix my dysfunctional family. My independent self didn’t need some old person who got paid 200$ an hour telling them that their feelings were valid and that all I needed to do was to love and accept myself then move on. I figured that out on my own when I was a child. The whole thing was a waste of money. No amount of sessions would get rid of my violent urge to kill all the losers in my stupid fucked up family. 

“Where the fuck were you?” 

“Sorry babe I had to get some KFC. I needed the protein. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve eaten anything and I felt my body go catabolic.” 

“You stupid meathead. You made my niece wait in this hot ass airport with all these weird nasty people.” 

“I said I was sorry babe. I’ll drive extra fast to make up for it.” 

“You’ll get us killed.” 

“I’ll fast and furious this shit. Don’t worry about it.” 

We’re on the highway and Gabriel’s going about 120 mph on his dodge charger. Aunty yelled at him throughout the whole ride and told him to slow down but he just kept laughing at her. I zoned out and the whole ride felt like a blur. I couldn’t stop thinking about my next move. Scenarios about reconciling with mom and dad replayed in my head. As much as I hated the two of them, there’s a part of me that believes they can change. My catholic upbringing made it hard for me to see anyone as irredeemable even though I know that there are people who are so fucked up that they don’t deserve to roam around free because they’re a bunch of abusive and predatory assholes with no will to change. 

“You can stay here for as long as you want until things die down with your parents.” 

“Wait really? Babe we never talked about this.” 

“This is my apartment. You don’t even pay rent.”

“Yeah but still.” 

“We have a guest room for a reason.” 

“Thanks for the offer aunty but I can’t stay here for too long. I need some time alone to think things through.”

“Where are you gonna go? What are you gonna do?” 

I didn’t have a plan. I had no idea what I was doing and I had to constantly remind myself that I wasn’t in Mexico city anymore. It was nice to be around someone familiar but I don’t want to be a drain on the only person in this world that I loved and respected. 

“I’ll stay with friends in Guadalajara. I always loved it there.” 

“Let’s grab something to eat first. There’s this great Korean spot a few blocks from here. You like Asian food right?” 

We’re eating Korean barbecue and this hole in the wall restaurant. There was an assortment of Japanese decorations all over the place. The employees were a mix of Mexican and Chinese immigrants because I heard the Asian workers speak Mandarin. The food was fine. The Kimchi tasted like it was store bought. The food here was nothing like what I experienced in Texas. It seemed like a watered down version of any sort of Asian food I’ve tasted. The menu was filled with Mexican and Asian fusion foods. There wasn’t anything too unappetizing but they sold sushi burritos which made me nauseous. Apparently it was one of the most popular sellers on their menu because I saw more than a handful of people enjoying it. 

I felt uncomfortable being the third wheel to my aunt and her partner. She tried her best to include me into each conversation they had but I couldn’t muster anything other than one word or short responses. I wanted to crawl up in a ball and die. She seemed gleeful in their arguments with one another. They reminded me of an elder couple who were lost in their own little world and exhausted every possible conversation available so they spent most of their time arguing over little things. I’ve never seen her expressing this many emotions over a man. She always told me that she saw men as nothing but piggybanks who were incapable of ever loving a woman in a way they deserved. It didn’t seem like a great way to think about half the world population and I felt like I would be miserable if I ever believed in something similar. Throughout my life I saw aunt Viv as a strong and independent figure but there were times where it felt like it was a mask. She would slip up and I’d often think about how lonely she must feel underneath it all. She always expressed to me that romantic love was a delusion created by men to keep women subservient and that anyone who believed in the notion was a fool. Even if she was right, I always told myself that I would break the rules and make myself the dominant one of a relationship. I wanted to be the center of a man’s universe where they served me and fulfilled every desire. This wouldn’t seem like love to most people but others' opinions of my life bore no importance to me since most people were selfish and self-important. Every thought or belief was an expression of somebody’s biased worldview and life experiences which shouldn’t affect me at all since these weren’t concrete truths. 

In my home life my parents bombarded me with made up rules and imposed stupid standards on me under the guise of religion and culture. Their friends at church were also gossipy and judgmental control freaks who felt the need to have an opinion over every little thing. They were morally righteous but turned a blind eye to everyone in their circles who went against these principles and made every excuse imaginable for these people. More than a handful of people from the church were exposed for being predator, abusive, creepy and I’m pretty sure at least half of them were pedophiles because whenever I played with the other kids during Sunday school, we’d make fun of all the weird touchy adults which was almost the entire congregation. 

One 12 year old boy killed himself after accusing another member of molesting him in the parking lot during a bake sale while everyone was indoors. The 50 year old man and father of 2 boys and 1 girl within similar age ranges lured the preteen into his car by asking for help unloading boxes then pinned him down in the backseat. He told his parents who went to the pastor but he asked for proof and that family wasn’t able to provide any so they were ostracized from the church for causing drama as the members there put it. A handful of boys came forward to say that the same man rubbed their shoulders or legs inappropriately but most of the adults agreed that it was just part of Mexican culture. The rapist’s name was Alexandre Alejandro Flores and he attended mass every Sunday with his family. Some of the members urged their kids to keep a distance from the man but nobody ever spoke up or confronted them about it. The kids called the man Lex the pest and bullied his kids relentlessly. Word got around to the middle school they attended and kids would throw rotten fruits at them during lunch, stuffed them into lockers and physically assaulted them during recess or after school while they waited for the bus. 

Gabriel started flexing his biceps after fixing his plate of mongolian beef, korean fried chicken and rice. Viviana was fixated on his arms. 

“You’re so weird.” 

“C’mon look at how freaky my arms look. All veiny after the gym”

“You’re embarrassing us. There are people everywhere.” 

“They’re not even looking over here. Maybe if I did a front double bi.” 

She started punching his arm and smacking his head as he swatted her hands away. 

“Is everything ok with your meal sir?” 

“We’re ready to go.” 

I offered to pay for the meal but she pulled my hand away from my purse as I reached for my wallet. She always insisted that men pay for meals and just about everything for a woman because they invented those stupid bogus chivalrous rules to subjugate women under the guise of doing nice for them and everything was set up against the feminine so it was the least they could do. I agreed with her and I always expected every guy I went out with to pay for me even if we’re just friends hanging out. When they asked me to pay an equal share then I’d tell them everything is inherently biased against my gender and if they argued with me I would never speak to them again. 

While in the car, she leaned in and placed her head on his shoulders. It made me teary eyed that somebody as jaded as my aunt found some variation of love even though she wouldn’t ever admit that she loved him. I wanted a guy who was similar but with a nice full head of hair, a prettier face and a higher IQ. 

As soon as we got back to the apartment, the bald man jumped on the couch then sprawled out as he unbuckled his belt. 

“You’re being gross. Go do that shit in our room.” 

“This is my home. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” 

She threw her purse at him and the two of them headed to their room where I heard a lot of shouting. After a few minutes they went silent. I sat on the couch scrolling through my phone. My mind went blank from all the options I had. On one hand I liked that I was free from my parents but I hated the way things played out because I was gonna miss all my friends from middle school. I was a little excited to start high school and I was sad I wouldn’t see my friends. I wanted to tell Sarah about all the money I made and all the cute boys I hooked up with in Texas. I wanted to know if Maria was still stuck in her on and off toxic relationship with Jose. Some days I wanted to be an average teenager but I knew that’s not the path God laid out for me. 

I worried about aunty and hoped she wasn’t getting murdered so I knocked on the door. When she opened it I saw a 4 foot statue of a skeletal grim reaper with mini statues, flowers, tequila and chocolate on an altar next to the bed. Her hair was disheveled and her face flushed as she cleared her throat.

“Is everything ok girlie?” 

“Yeah I was just checking to see if everything’s fine on your end because it was too quiet.” 

“Everything’s fine. We were just talking things out.” 

He laid on the bed and snored so loud I could hear faint sounds of it while I was in the kitchen. 

“I’m gonna head out and get some things at the market.” 

In the living room I paced around while taking a puff from my weed cartridge every few minutes as I looked at the TV which was on the local news. They talked about a local police officer getting murdered and how it could be linked to the cartel. They showed a video of the man’s corpse on the side of the road with two bullet wounds in the chest but his face was blurred. 

My brain was stuck in a loop of thinking about whether or not I should live the life of a traveling scammer vagabond going from one foreign country to another or whether I should go back home and try to salvage the situation with my parents. I truly wanted to do well in school and get into a top Mexican university to study computer science because I didn’t want to end up in a cycle of poverty and work menial jobs like my parents. 

After pacing for what felt like hours, my body was exhausted and I was couch locked. My stomach grumbled but I didn’t want to get food. Even getting up and going to check if there was food in the fridge seemed like an impossible task. 

“Where’d your aunt go?” 

“She said she went out to get something at the market.” 

“It’s dark out. She shoulda been back by now. She’s not answering my texts or picking up the phone.” 

I spaced out on the couch looking at the ceiling while the short stocky brute stepped out of the apartment. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. 

I woke up to Gabriel yelling. 

“Is everything ok?” 

“I can’t find Vivianna. I called everyone we know and drove around town.” 

“Maybe she’s busy with something.” 

“She’s never gone more than a few hours without at least texting me.” 

My mind replayed a conversation I had with her where she talked about how she kept weird men online company for money. I assumed she was doing some form of online sex woke but she was probably too embarrassed to outright say it and she probably felt like I was too young to talk to about something like that. She complained about having to deal with strange men being obsessed with her. She claimed that a few of them were stalking them but that she felt safe with Gabriel by her side. Auntie told me that most people online were a bunch of nerds who were all talk and she felt confident that she could handle them if they ever tried to confront her in person. 

The TV was still on and the weather person talked about cloud skies in the morning and afternoon. 

“I’ve been up all night and I don’t know what to do.” 

“Should we call the police or something?”

“She hated the police and she wouldn’t want that.” 

“I’m sure she’s fine. She disappears from time to time. I’m sure she’s ok somewhere.” 

My stomach grumbled loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“Are you hungry or something?” 

“Yeah I haven’t eaten since we went to the restaurant.” 

“We can head to that cafe the two of us usually go to a few blocks away. Maybe someone there might be able to help us. They know her over there.”

I ordered an iced coffee and chocolate croissant as the man went around talking to the workers and the people at the shop. 

“Nobody knows anything. Somebody mentioned hearing about the police finding a dead body by the tourist area with all the 4 star hotels.” 

I coughed as crumbs of the croissant littered my lap and spread throughout the table. 

“Do you think it was her?” 

“I knew I shouldn’t have fallen asleep and went with her to the store.” 

“This isn’t your fault. Maybe she’s just busy meeting with friends.” 

“She would never go off somewhere without telling me. I’m such a useless idiot.” 

The image of such a muscular man displaying this much emotion made me want to burst out into laughter but I didn’t want to be cruel and insensitive. He reminded me of some of my gay friends but I don’t think my aunt's boyfriend was a homosexual. Maybe he was bisexual or just a really emotional metrosexual man from all the exogenous hormones he injected in his body. 

I learned how to take over people’s phones and machines using a method my online hacker friend showed me. It was easy enough to get people to download a pdf file or open a phishing link but it made me feel creepy doing that to people I know. I have this urge to know everything about everyone around me at all times. I imagined what that one therapist would tell me and how it was some sort of defense mechanism I developed from years of childhood trauma. When I took over my creepy uncle’s laptop, I found out that he spent all of his time online looking up porn with barely legal teens. I didn’t find any sort of illegal material involving minors but I think that’s because he was a lot more careful with his sex crimes rather than him not having the urge to look at underage girls.  

“Now landing in Mexico City. The local time is 1:30 p.m. The weather is gloomy with heavy rain in the evening. I hope you enjoyed your flight folks and have a wonderful day.” 

It’s been over a year since I returned to this city. I spent a year in Cancun scamming tourists and doing various other schemes. I had a credit card fraud ring running where I paid taxi drivers and minimum wage employees working in shops around touristy areas to install skimmers. 

I hated these stupid gringos coming into Mexico and treating it like their personal playground. Most of them were poor or middle class at best but they walked around this country with an air of superiority. They didn’t bother learning the language or the customs and they looked down on the locals. The banks gave them their money back after a few weeks so there was no harm and no foul. I saw what I did as karma for gentrifying cities and shitting them up like a bunch of pale faced rats who reeked of mayonnaise. 

I made over 600 thousand USD over the course of the year. It made me feel good knowing I’d never have to work another day in my life in the next 5 years. I invested the money in some local businesses to clean the money. I owned a laundromat, 2 taco stands, an ice cream truck and I owned half the stores at the flea market 4 blocks from Zona Hotelra. All the beauty, home decor, electronics and vintage clothing stores belonged to me. I would use the cards I got from the tourists to buy merchandise then hire locals to run the stores. I’d pay them double the market rate. I also used clone cards to withdraw money from ATMs. Most of the cops in the city were crooked and easily bought off. Gabriel helped me with the business. Underneath his goofy and airheaded personality was a personable and charismatic leader that a lot of the locals looked up to. He had this ability to hyperfocus on any task put in front of him. He abused adderall but since I went through a 1 gram weed cartridge each day, I wasn’t in any position to judge him. 

“Valentina. Is that you? You look like a grown ass woman.” Said Maria. 

I kept in touch with Maria and Sarah because they were my two closest friends since elementary school. Maria was done with Jose and she’s obsessed with Kpop now. There’s a college guy from Korea named Andrew that she won’t shut up about. Maria was busy with school and working at her parent’s convenient store. I told her about the money I was making and I was gonna ask her to work for me because she seemed tired from having to deal with her parents. 

We went to a starbucks in the airport because the girls were dying for coffee since they said they barely slept after partying the night before. 

“I heard you were like a cartel drug boss or something.” Said Maria. 

“Girl shut up. Don’t talk about that here.” 

“It’s so loud and busy here. Nobody’s gonna hear us.” 

“I’m not in any cartel. That’s crazy.” 

“You keep flexing crazy amounts of cash in our group chats and you’re always high as fuck of those fire ass weed carts.” 

“Do you know where I could get some adderall?” Said Sarah. 

“Bitch what the fuck? Isn’t that stuff like Meth or something.” 

“I need it for my ADHD and there’s a supply shortage right now so it’s hard to get some.” 

“That shit isn’t real. You spend too much time online on those kpop spaces and that’s why you’re all retarded now.” 

“You’re so fucking dumb.” 

Sarah grabbed her blueberry muffin and licked it. 

“Ew you’re fucking nasty fuck you.” 

Everyone’s sweating in this one bedroom apartment full of strangers. I heard about Chino but wasn’t too familiar with the others. He seemed a little naive but I could tell by his dead eyes that he’s killed someone before or at the very least gone through severe traumas. Once you murder somebody it leaves off this tell. I’m not sure if other killers developed similar abilities or if it was just me. 

He looked like one of those Kpop idols in the face but he had Lucha's body. 

There are exceptions to the rule of course like Leo who was so clean cut and mild mannered that one would think he worked at an office. He could kill someone without blinking and it didn’t seem like he felt bad about anything he did. He always claimed to be motivated by something divine and what he did was whatever was best for humanity. The deeper you peeled the layers behind that man, the more insane he seemed but he was a good person deep down. 

This old bastard won’t shut up and as soon as I saw the opening, I pulled my gun out and put a few bullets through his skull.

That look on my future husband’s face gave away that he had a weak stomach. He was no longer in the room with us mentally, emotionally or spiritually. I held him and pressed his head against my chest. He sniffled and his soft skin pressed against mine made my pussy soaking wet. 

After the cleanup crew arrived, I asked him if he wanted to come to my place and hang out. As soon as we got to my place, I grabbed his cock and leaned in for a kiss. He didn’t hesitate to kiss me back and press me against a wall. 

Once our first session was done, we smoked a blunt and some cigarettes then went on until I ran out of condoms. I didn’t want him to leave, even if it was to go to the convenience store across the street. I told him to fuck me raw. I didn’t care if he got me pregnant. He’s mine. Nobody else could have him other than me and anyone who tried to steal him from me deserved to get their ass beaten or murdered. 

I remembered Maria telling me that with some guys you just know they’re husband and baby daddy material. She considered herself a love witch who worshiped La Santa Muerte in the red aspect along with Aphrodite and when she told me that I thought she was a dumb delusional weirdo but seeing how some men fall in love with her within minutes of meeting them changed my mind. One man left his family and gave her his month salary just to take her out. She didn’t even care. The man tried to rob a bank to afford her attention but he was in jail. She wrote him a letter from time to time because in her words he was a useful idiot who would do anything for her no matter how she treated him. Maria had at least a dozen men at her disposal at any given time. She was the ugly duckling for most of her life but then she started experimenting with witchcraft and glamour magick then out of nowhere she looked like an Instagram model. People accused her of using filters or photoshopping all her pictures online but once they met her, they realized that her skin glows naturally and her curves are natural. I texted her about Chino while we were in a cab on the way to my apartment and she told me he was the one for me. I trusted this evil witch with anything related to love, lust and men. 

His voice, hair, body and the way he carried himself gave me butterflies in my stomach. If I saw he walking around then I would think he was nothing but another self-absorbed gym rat douche but Willie told me that he was battling homelessness, mentally ill and came from a dysfunctional family which made me want to take care of him in a way that nobody else could. He told me how selfless he was and how he’d help the homeless. 

I've only been with a handful of guys and they were all the same. They didn’t understand the concept of empathy or compassion and they were self-absorbed no matter how big, tall or how they presented themselves. One guy was a sensitive artistic type who turned out to be a covert narcissist and pathological liar who’s manipulate girls into sleeping with him by pretending to be in tune with his emotions but once you got to know him, he was just another egotistical asshole. Another guy was a gym rat who surprisingly had a big thick cock but his entire life revolved around the gym and he spent more time posing in front of a mirror then nurturing an interesting personality. 

The last guy I was with was a tall, skinny and average looking nerdy type of guy who was studying to be a doctor. He was smart but after the honeymoon period, he did everything he could to make everything about him. Everything was a weird power game. I picked up on it after 3 weeks of dating him. Whenever he felt threatened by a guy he’d single out something that he thought was would make that person insecure then harp on it until he felt like he got one over on them. It was fun at first but he kept doing it and it made me think he was an annoying insecure loser. He was lousy in bed and had a long skinny dick which felt like a pencil going in and out of my vagina. 

He held me in bed and I felt so safe. 

“You keep staring at the scar on my stomach.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.” 

A wave of disgust overcame me as the tone of voice never came out of my mouth for anyone ever before. 

His dick was the perfect size. Girthy and long enough to rub my cervix. He ate my pussy like nobody I’ve ever met and I’ve hooked up with two girls. Once when I was drunk at a party and wanted to know what it felt like and another time I dated this gorgeous half Mexican and half Colombian model for about 3 weeks until breaking up with her because she was too obsessed with me. She stalked me and everyone I knew. She wouldn’t let me have any friends and she would install spyware on all my devices to track me. It was fun for a week and then it became overwhelming. That sort of behavior is only fun when I do it to someone else. 

“Does it freak you out?” 

“No I like it.” 

“You don’t have to lie to me.” 

“I’m being serious. I think it looks good. Honestly. How did you get it?” 

“My dad used to beat my mom whenever he had a bad day. I stood up for her and it pissed him off even more so he beat the hell out of me.” 

I held him closer to me but he pushed away. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to dump that on you.” 

“I was the one who asked about it.” 

“It was weird of me to bring it up.” 

“I don’t think it was. I’m actually flattered that you would be comfortable enough to share that with me.” 

“I barely know you.” 

“I mean you saw me kill a person in front of you. That’s a really intimate thing to share with someone.” 

“You’re funny.” 

“Was that your first time ever seeing someone get killed?” 

“Not really. I’ve seen people get stabbed or beaten to death while I was homeless. The more I see it, the harder it gets for me to witness.” 

“Why? Isn’t it usually the opposite?” 

“Life is the most precious thing on this planet. Nobody really has the right to take that away from anyone.” 

“You picked the wrong line of work.” 

“I’m trying to change things.” 

“So what do you think of a murderer like me?” 

“People are more than the things they do. Nobody’s irredeemable.” 

“I go against everything you stand for.” 

“To be honest, that guy seemed like a massive piece of shit. He probably deserved to die.” 

“So some people are more worthy of livin than others.” 

“There are always exceptions to the rules.” 

“I know. I was just messing with you.” 

“I hate when you do that.” 

“I’m sorry.”

What’s wrong with me. I don’t apologize to anyone ever. Something about his presence turned me into a different person. I knew that he could snap my head in half with his bare hands without trying but it made me feel special knowing he would never do something like that to me. Deep underneath his sweet exterior, I sensed a great deal of rage and trauma waiting to be unleashed. I can’t wait to witness that so long as it isn’t directed at me. If it came to it, I could kill him with no hesitation but I know it would eat me up inside afterwards. I’d miss seeing his cute face, his big juicy cock and that talented tongue of his. 

I’ve known this guy for less than a day but I knew he was going to be an important person in my life. If he ghosted me I would murder him. 

“You seemed so natural doing what you did.” 

“They don’t call me the angel of death for nothing.” 

“How did you get that nickname?” 

“I’m the best sicaria in all of Mexico.” 

“That’s bold of you to say.” 

“It’s not just me who says it. People gave me that nickname after I killed some really powerful people.” 

“What was your first time like?” 

“It was cathartic because the person I killed really deserved it.” 

“What did they do?” 

“They killed the person who mattered the most to me.” 

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened and who were the people involved.” 

“Some weird obsessed stalker murdered my aunt. She was a content creator and got lots of weird fans. One day she went to the store then never came back. The cops found her body near a hotel in a touristy area. I hunted the guy down and after that I kept on killing anyone who got in my way.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that. That must have been so tough for you.” 

“It took me so long to get over her death. Nothing beats the feeling of avenging her death.”

“How many people have you killed?”

“I lost count.” 

“You’re scary as hell. If I didn’t know this about you, I would think you were just a sweet and pretty girl.” 

“I can be sweet just like I can be mean, scary and vindictive. It all depends on how somebody treats me.” 

“Is killing your main way of making a living?” 

“I own a bunch of businesses?” 

“Are they drug related?” 

“Most of them are legit. I’m in control of most of the adderall, speed  and ADHD meds circulating in Mexico and most parts of the United states.” 

“Why ADHD meds?” 

“My friend has that condition. She told me how there was a shortage and a large demand for them. I capitalized and at the same time I figured I’d be helping an entire community of people get their meds.” 

“I have ADHD too.” 

“No wonder you’re good in bed. She told me people with your condition were great at fucking.” 

“I don’t know about that.” 

“I hate how you can never take a compliment.” 

“They make me feel weird.” 

“Are you a masochist or something?”

“What the hell? You’re being weird.” 

His look of embarrassment was so cute. 

We went to watch the Joker movie in theaters and I pictured myself as Harlequin while he was like a more socially acceptable version of Arthur Fleck. They have a similar backstory. After the movie he told me he really related to the main character of the movie. We were smoking in my car outside the cinema and he was telling me how he used to have a therapist who dropped him as a client because the government quit funding the nonprofit he went to as a teen and the whole program got shut down. I got on top of him and started kissing him while grinding on his dick. I hit the steering wheel and the car honked as a group of middle aged people walked by. 

“Good thing your windows are tinted.” 

A block away there was a mini food market and we stopped to have some tacos and elotes. 

“You two were at the theater a few minutes ago. I saw what you two were up to.” 

“What?” 

He got in that man’s face without a moment of hesitation. 

“Bro chill. I’m not judging your freaky asses. Just be careful next time. There were people there with their families and shit.” 

This middle aged man in baggy jean shorts, dusty white basketball shoes and white tall tee was making me uncomfortable. 

“Mind your business old man.” 

“Alright whatever bro.” 

He walked away but we spotted him smoking a cigarette in the parking lot while on the phone since the food stands were so close to where the cars were parked. 

“He’s a sicario.” 

“That old bastard? No way.” 

“I remember reading about a notorious hitman in this area who wore a similar outfit. Isn’t it weird that he followed us here from the movie theater?” 

“He just looks like any other creep. He probably wanted to join in.” 

“Don’t ever doubt my intuition. I’m always right about these things.” 

“Go talk to him. I’ll figure something out.”

He walked off as I held my street corn on one hand and my vape in the other. 

I made eye contact with the man while I approached him. My legs felt heavy and he kept looking at me from head to toe. 

“Where’s your boyfriend? Did he leave you here to meet with his boyfriend or something?” 

“I think he went to the bathroom. Are you hungry?” 

“Actually I was about to grab some elotes but if you’re offering.” 

He took the stick off my hand then took a bite with bits of corn and cheese falling on the ground. 

The sound of a gun getting clocked. 

“Who do you work for?” 

“What the hell? Look buddy I’m poor. I have about 200 pesos in my pocket and I was about to buy dinner.” 

“Get in the car and start driving. Don’t look at me. I’ll shoot you if you don’t comply.” 

We’re driving on the highway and we’re heading to the outskirts of town. It’s freezing cold and shivers went throughout my spine. Nobody spoke a word for what felt like an hour. I’m in the front seat while Chino was in the back with the gun pressed against the back of the man’s head. 

The roads were pitch black now and we could hardly see the road. Nothing around us but the desert. 

“Stop the car.” 

The three of us got out of the car and the man had his hands up. 

“I’m not who you think I am.” 

“Why did you follow us back there? Who are you working for?” 

“I was hungry after watching that Joker flick. It was an emotional experience for me.” 

“Stop fucking around. I’ll shoot you if you keep fucking with us.” 

I patted the man down and grabbed the pistol around his waist. He emptied his pockets and I snatched his wallet and keys from his hands. 

“I like to keep a gun on me for self defense. I live in a really bad part of town.” 

He shot the ground about 2 inches from the fat middle aged man’s foot. 

“I’ll ask you one more time. Think really long and hard about your answer.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about man.” 

He left off another shot and hit the man on his right knee. The two of us were by the side of the car as the stranger collapsed on the ground with the headlights pointing at them. He screamed while holding on. 

“Fuck ok. Look, I don't have a boss. I’m like a freelancer. Some guy hired me to follow the two of you.”

“What did this guy look like?” 

“He was bald and had pale white skin. He was probably like 5’10 and really skinny. He wore an all white suit with black loafers. They looked fancy.” 

“What else?” 

“I don’t know what else you want me to tell you. I think he called himself Zeke or something. He had a Z tattoo on his neck.” 

Another loud bang as the man collapsed on the ground. 

“Why did you do that?” 

“He lied. He was sent to kill us. The guy who hired him was probably part of the Zetas.” 

“Why kill him?” 

“We have to appear strong and send our enemies a message. These people are animals. The only language they understand is violence.” 

“Aren’t you supposed to be a pacifist or something?” 

“That’s Leo. He breaks his rules from time to time.” 

He got in the driver seat and as I got in the car I leaned over. His face partly visible . I grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. You’re mine. I kissed him and I knew this man was always going to be by my side. 

[reginaregen]

Zelena - Antidote

The Avengers tower was witnessing some action. Tony roared at Bucky on the video call "Where's my damn wolf woman?!"

Bucky simply shrugged "Maybe she found some rich alpha with forests and is mating with him? After all, I'm sure she's mating with you because you're rich too."

"Shut the fuck up or I'll make you!"

Steve grabbed Tony by the shoulder "Hey! What did I say about treating each other right?"

Tony shrugged like a child "Then don't let him to talk like that about my bride!"

Steve made a gesture with his eyes to Bucky. It was a silent order to make him "apologize".

"I apologize in advance for not stopping your bride when she jumps on me." Bucky said in exasperation.

Tony cursed again,as Bucky saw Steve trying to catch him and he ended the video call. He was all alone in the large conference room now. He inhaled the smell of the wooden furniture around him. He really loved this conference room!

Where was Tony's stupid bride? Maybe he should send someone to get her…

"James Fucking Buchanan Idiot Barnes!"

Bucky could feel the hairs on his body standing on end. Whether this was a natural reaction to the centuries-old feud between werewolves and vampires or a result of Bucky's hatred for Tina, he couldn't decide.

He turned around in a huff - not the last thing he had expected to see - and saw Tina standing naked in front of her, her body covered in blood.

"Fuck!"

Just as Tina was about to jump on him, a gust of wind caught her. The gust of wind was none other than Pietro.

"I'm glad to see you. But I'm happier to see you naked. Wow!"

Tina didn't want to return Pietro's hug. She didn't want to stain his clothes with blood either, but seeing Pietro always calmed her down. They had always been best friends since their years of torture in the mutant rooms. Pietro wrapped a towel around her as he hugged her. "Welcome home, Valentina."

This was something they said to each other. Their friendship, which had grown stronger over the years, felt so safe that when they saw each other, they felt like they had come home after a long journey. Tina had said it first. When he returned to his cell after a long night of torture, Tina had escaped from her own cell and was waiting for Pietro in his cell. Pietro ran to her and hugged her. When Tina, who was tiny in his arms, said, "You're finally home," he was surprised to realize how much peace Tina's tiny body gave him.

Home was not a place. Maybe it was a feeling or a person, but it was never a place.

Tina snuggled up comfortably against Pietro as Wanda and Vision entered the conference room. Wanda grumbled, "You two should get a room."

Vision asked Bucky softly, "Did you know Tina had to kill twenty vampires?"

Bucky laughed. "Do I look like an idiot to you? There's no other vampire here but me. And I haven't hunted in years."

How did Bucky become a vampire? Well, it's a long story, but to put it briefly, it's the result of a Hydra experiment.

Tina cursed. "Do you think I came here because I like to walk around naked and covered in blood, you stupid bastard?!"

Bucky grumbled. "You're sleeping with Tony, no one told you you were normal."

Pietro said to Bucky, "Enough!" "Can't you see she's hurt? You're obviously not very good at keeping things safe here."

"Go play with your Legos, Maximoff! I'm the only vampire in this forest. Valentina's obviously trying to get attention…"

Bucky, stunned by the slap to the face, reached out to grab Tina's hand, but froze when he saw the girl crying.

"They killed a baby and three kids. You're still fighting your ego here." The girl fell to her knees. "I couldn't save them," she muttered. Her crying was getting louder. "We're going to need an antidote," Wanda said as she picked the girl up. Her heart ached as she looked at the teeth marks on Tina's shoulder. She also had marks on three other places on her arm.

Bucky growled. Pietro grabbed the man by the collar. "Now!"

"Take your hands off me or I'll rip off that empty jelly box head of yours you're carrying across your shoulders!"

Wanda hissed. "Try it if you dare!"

Vision tried to smile nervously. "Mr. Barnes, why are you so quick to…"

Bucky rolled his eyes and quickly walked over to Tina, who was sitting on her knees on the floor. He grinned with confidence. "You want my blood, little wolf?"

Tina clenched her jaw tightly, her anger beginning to shake.

Bucky grinned at her cruelly. "Beg for my blood, then. Beg for my dirty, disgusting vampire blood, and your life may be saved." he said while referencing how vampire blood was something unholy for wolves.

The next second was too fast even for Pietro.

Tina had already begun to transform again when Bucky collapsed to the ground with a bite to her neck.

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

I got my first React Native PR submitted and I’ve received some good feedback.

On the whole it’s fine. I still find the syntax extremely strange but I’ll figure it out.

I still very much prefer Swift and Xcode to TypeScript and VSCode. 😃

Barack Obama

Joe Biden has been one of America’s most consequential presidents, as well as a dear friend and partner to me. Today, we’ve also been reminded — again — that he’s a patriot of the highest order.

Thank you President Biden for serving your country. ❤️

Robert Reich

Let me add my words of gratitude to Joe Biden for doing something Donald Trump is incapable of doing — putting his country over ego, ambition, and pride.

Biden bowed out with grace and dignity.

Yes, yes he did. Now let’s all get behind Kamala Harris, make her the 47th President of this great nation, and save Democracy.

David Gilmour • Mediaite

MSNBC host Rachel Maddow flipped the question that has long chased Democrats of presidential candidate age and capability on Republicans Sunday night after President Joe Biden announced he would no longer run for re-election, calling out former President Donald Trump as now the “old man in the race.”

It’s time for the media to ask the Orange Man to withdrawal from the run for President because of his age and his lack of mental capacity to properly do the job.

Luke Deniston

This is the story of a process that died, and the tale of what we went through to track down the killer and bring it to justice. More accurately, it was a process that kept dying, but that hurts the analogy I’m trying to go for here so just bear with me.

I worked with Luke at Agrian. He’s super smart and kind and I love this story. Luke, if you read this, I hope you wrote that entire story yourself? It’s awesome.

Jess Weatherbed • The Verge

Despite Apple’s claims that most consumers will only consider purchasing vehicles that support CarPlay, Rivian says it still doesn’t have any plans to adopt the iPhone mirroring system. Talking to The Verge EIC Nilay Patel in today’s episode of Decoder, Rivian founder and CEO RJ Scaringe likened Rivian adopting CarPlay to Apple choosing to use Microsoft’s Windows operating systems instead of developing its own in-house iOS and macOS alternatives.

I like this take and comparison. Apple has a desire to be the primary control center for the car and that seems wrong. They also want the car company to make sure Apple is called out as the provider of the in car system by not changing things like fonts on the in dash system. That would mean the cars branding wouldn’t match the companies. That’s not good.

Wouldn’t it be cool to work on an embedded in dash system? I think it would.

The Futon Critic

“HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET” ARRIVES ON PEACOCK AUG. 19

YES! I loved me some Homocide: Life on the Streets and I’m glad it’ll be available for streaming. Too bad I don’t have a Peacock subscription. Might have to convince the boss we need it for a while? 🤔

M.G. Siegler • Spyglass

Apple Should Buy HBO

I like this idea, especially if Apple would commit to funding HBO original content so we may get the next Sopranos, The Wire, or Game of Thrones.

Isabel van Brugen • Newsweek

Valentina Bondarenko, a top Russian economist, has died at the age of 82 after falling out of her apartment window in Moscow, Russian state-run media reported on Tuesday.

It’s so strange how many folks fall out of windows in Russia. It’s a downright epidemic.

I suspect if Orange Man wins the Presidency we’ll see this strange affliction migrate to America.

Jowi Morales • Tom’s Hardware

Windows 3.1 saves the day during CrowdStrike outage — Southwest Airlines scrapes by with archaic OS

I find this extremely difficult to believe. I actually liked Windows 3.1 and it’s the OS Visio was originally written on, so it’s pretty near and dear to my heart. Thing is, it’s a 16-bit OS, but it was quite capable. I’d love to know more about this setup and how in the world do they keep it secure? The network support in Windows 3.1 was mediocre at best. Did it even support HTTP? I don’t have the slightest clue.

Gil Duran • The New Republic

Where J.D. Vance Gets His Weird, Terrifying Techno-Authoritarian Ideas

I’ve never heard of Curtis Yarvin but he sounds like a real piece of work. This dudes thoughts are as bad as Nazi Germany’s “useless eaters” program. Pathetic and disgusting.

He’s the one that needs to go away with thinking like that. 🤬

Elizabeth Lopatto • The Verge

The moral bankruptcy of Marc Andreessen and Ben Horowitz

All the billionaire bros in the Silicon Valley need to get their act together. They’re ready to throw democracy away so they can become richer? How much money do you need? The answer must be all of it!

Again. Pathetic and selfish to allow an entire nation to be destroyed because you want to make a buck. Don’t be surprised if someone shows up at your place looking to beat your ass. No, that’s not a threat, but I can imagine someone feeling that strongly about it. I mean, hell, someone has already tried to take out the Orange Man. I don’t suspect it’ll be the last.

Stu Sjouwerman • KnowBe4

TLDR: KnowBe4 needed a software engineer for our internal IT AI team. We posted the job, received resumes, conducted interviews, performed background checks, verified references, and hired the person. We sent them their Mac workstation, and the moment it was received, it immediately started to load malware.

This story is fascinating. At WillowTree we’ve had a couple candidates try to get through by hiring someone to do the technical parts of the test for them. They’ve been caught and I’m not aware of any getting through. I suspect in our case they just wanted a job they didn’t have the skill for. In the end they’d have failed and been let go so I’m not sure why they went through the trouble.

Steven Vaughan-Nichols • ZDNet

Several European countries are betting on open-source software for their technology. In the United States, eh, not so much. In the latest news from across the Atlantic, Switzerland has taken a major step forward with its “Federal Law on the Use of Electronic Means for the Fulfillment of Governmental Tasks” (EMBAG). This groundbreaking legislation mandates using open-source software (OSS) in the public sector.

Here’s the thing about this. If someone finds an exploit in Linux they’re gonna leverage it until they’re caught. Something like the CrowdStrike disaster could happen just as easily in open source software. Companies just don’t have to pay to use it, don’t have to contribute their changes back to the community, or support the maintainers of the software.

It’s a good deal for corporations.

[the-perfect-world-of-valentina]

journaling my joy . . . ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ

៚ valentina (ne/nen)

៚ lvl. 18

៚ local it-girl, angelic babydoll, reader, writer, toy collector, and sub maker

៚ this is a lifestyle and healing journey blog, basically an online diary

៚ coquette, dollette, wonyougism and other nice things

DNI: terf/swerf, abdl/bdsm/nsfw blogs, pro-ed, anti-LGBTQ+/anti-MOGAI, pro-ship, pro-inc*st, anti-endo, (NO)MAP/PEAR/supporter, anti-agere, trump supporter, anti-feminist, anti-BLM/anti-ACAB, abrahamic religions (there's nothing wrong with this one, it's just a trigger for me), will add as i remember other nasty people

this is an alter ego method manifestation blog | my main is @milkchuu

[valentinahq]

" i wouldn't say a bodyguard--just a friendly face that might keep him away from me just in case he's still lurking out there? " the brunette retorted with a sheepish smile. valentina was probably just being paranoid, but she'd rather not be on the headlines of the aurora bay newspaper after being found dead in some ditch.

as they began to walk, she made a conscious effort to keep her gaze fixed ahead, refusing to succumb to the temptation of glancing around every corner. however, a sense of caution lingered in her mind, prompting her to lower her voice as she spoke. " well--you know how drunken idiots can get handsy. let's just say i wasn't afraid to use my own hands either. left quite the mark on his cheek," she added, a flicker of satisfaction crossing her features at the memory of the confrontation. men and their fragile egos, she mused inwardly. " i'll owe you big time for coming to my rescue. " // @cassius-banks

Cassius' brow cocks, mild concern taking over as Valentina continues to speak. "So you're saying I'm just a glorified bodyguard." Glancing down at her as he allows her to hold onto him, his shoulder relaxing into it smoothly as she tangles her arm with his.

"Jesus. What'd he do?" He questions, now further concerned — if not even for her, but he wasn't really up for a fight this morning, especially one that wasn't of his own making. "If someone swings for me—" he begins, looking down at her again. "— well, you're lucky I like you."

( @valentinahq )