#and up until that moment I thought that christianity was as dead as any other old bunch of myths

[tenok]

.

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Three

Day: Thursday, January 4th Time: 7:20 PM EST

"What did I say yesterday?" Neil asked her. "Why did you react like that?" It didn't take her long to remember. "About the knives, you mean." When Neil nodded, she turned her hands over and considered her palms. "You remember I told you I used to be in a gang? There was a man there who went out of his way to hurt me. He liked knives and kept a half-dozen on him at all times. I couldn't defend myself by normal means, so I learned to fight with knives, too. I practiced for a year before I finally bested him. "'Bested'." Renee contemplated the word choice for a few moments before saying, "He didn't survive the fight. Boss helped stage the body so we could pin it on a rival gang and I was promoted. I kept the knives through my trial and my adoption. I wanted to remember what darkness I'm capable of—and what darkness I'm capable of surviving." "You did what you had to do," Neil said. "If he lived he would have come back for you." "I know," Renee said, soft. "There were other girls before I caught his eye; there would be girls after I left. But I didn't do it for the greater good. I did it because he wronged me personally and I didn't want to be afraid of him anymore. I regret what it did to me more than I regret the necessity of his death. I felt no horror when I watched him die. I was proud of what I'd done to him. "I told Andrew what I did," Renee said. "The next day while I was at class he broke into my room and took my knives. When I asked for them back, he said I was lying to myself. If I wanted to remember, I wouldn't hide the knives in my closet like a shameful secret I couldn't revisit or let go of. They weren't doing me any good, so he said he would carry them until I needed them again. "I let him have them because I trusted him not to use them," Renee said. "I thought he understood what they were supposed to be: not weapons anymore but a symbol of what we've overcome. I didn't ask him for his reasons. I knew he would tell me if he wanted me to know." The obvious answer was Drake, but it didn't add up quite right. Neil turned it over in his head, working his way through it, and thought about the scars on Andrew's forearms. Who had Andrew survived: Drake or himself? Neil wasn't going to share that idea with Renee, so he said, "So those knives he brings everywhere are yours?" "Were mine," Renee said. "He was right; I don't need them anymore. If you need them, he will give them to you, and I will teach you how to use them." She wasn't smiling anymore. Neil studied her calm expression and knew she meant it. She'd put her faith in mankind and her Christian piety on hold and show him how to cut a man open throat to groin if he asked her to. Neil was starting to understand why Andrew liked her. She was crazy enough to be interesting. "Thank you," Neil said, "but no. I don't want to be like—him." He didn't say he'd used knives before; one couldn't grow up a Wesninski without having a blade pushed into his hand. Nathan didn't have the time or patience to teach his son but he'd put two of his people to the task. Luckily Neil left home before he progressed past cutting up hunks of dead animals. "Of course," Renee agreed. She waited a moment to see if anything else was forthcoming, then got to her feet. "I shouldn't keep Allison waiting, but if you want to talk more later you know where to find me." "Okay," Neil said.

Art used with permission by Aymmidumps. Thank you @aymmidumps

[souredmelons]

you left funny tags on my michie/holyghost post so ill explain the thought process behind it because. i just read the most depressing grace fanfic ever and i need to talk about something funny rn.

anyways so yeah npmd timeline but no prank, max redemption blah blah blah the typical setup.

but then michie gets together and grace is still thinking about max so she just starts fucking SPIRALLING and goes insane with religious guilt because she convinced herself she's guilty of adultery.

and at one point she just goes, "fuck it, im gonna be the only one to go to hell because of max" so she starts third wheeling ALL THE DATES.

then one night she's throwing stones at richie's window while he's alone with max and just has to admit to richie that she wants to make out with max because he's so pissed at her for always interrupting and he's just like "do you. wanna like. share max or something" and she LOSES IT, immediately contacts her parents and learns that her parents are asexual homoromantics in a lavender marriage without ever fucking noticing.

cue grace climbing up richie's drainpipe and just absolutely SCREECHING the lyrics to "dead girl walking" from heathers (ruth told her about heathers because. uh idk honestly you could include ruth in the polycule/chain too lmao)

can you tell i love crackfics and humour and stuff

hii I finally got time to answer this!! I'm glad you appreciate my tags lmao

I've never thought of Grace's parents as being in a lavender marriage before?? though now thinking about it, I can see it with their moments in NPMD with the "I wasn't much older than him when I was carrying your books, Mrs. Chastity" and them being uncomfortable about talk of sex/sexual thoughts. I know the intention is them being Christian conservatives, but I'm going to hit them with the queer beam along with you that they're sex-repulsed aces 💥 I do wonder if they're in any other relationships since it's a lavender marriage. I don't know much about their ships specifically, but we got a whole lot of characters to work with in Hatchetfield!

Grace self-sabotaging so she's the only one "going to hell for adultery" to save Max and Richie is noble yet hilarious, because it's just Grace's religious guilt speaking and her 3rd wheeling them while not confronting her actual feelings is some method to mitigate that guilt... until her Dead Girl Walking moment because my girl just realized Sharing is an Option and My Life is a Lie (sorta. but hey it's also a parallel to canon). Max has two hands and they fit Richie and Grace's ☝️

dude I also love crackfics, but my utter FAVORITE is crack treated seriously!! give me a fic of Max seeing through the 4th wall with a dash of angst of unreality, but also him being silly and using that 4th wall ability in a prank but no death au where he integrates with the nerds a little Too Well. I feel we can really play into Grace's comment of "he's just a nerd in diguise!" with their interactions and the added context of our world and theirs

[melit0n]

for the lyrics thing: “there’s something in the way you lay / that makes the dead switch graves / you take your leave” from Jericho. is “you lay” a euphemism for sleeping around (so the person is so sexually active that they make the dead roll in their grave)? or is it saying that the person is so wonderful that they can even move the dead? i’ve never been able to figure it out so i’d love to hear your thoughts!

I was hoping someone would ask about the Two ep! Just my luck, thank you anon <33

In the UK, and in America as well I'm pretty sure, "lay" is used as slang for having sex with someone, so you're right on that part, definitely. However, the line "there's something in the way you lay" brings both negative and positive connotations to me. He's saying 'there's just something about you. The way you look like that.' There's either a sense of stillness and serenity with it; a calm brought about by the way they lay, possibly asleep next to their partner.

On note of the next line, which I'll talk about in a moment, a large amount of people are known to 'sleep like they're dead', and others note that having Sleep Paralysis feels like death. The Dead are often confused for the sleeping as well, as long as they don't have any noticible abnormalities.

Even though two is quite sexually charged, I mean hey, take a look at Nazareth, I'd like to go with it being they're just so wonderful, or, in the least, appear to be so.

"Enough to make the dead switch graves" Is a stupidly powerful line. Whoever this is is just asleep, or sleeping around, and they have enough authority to make the dead switch graves.

In addition to this, a typical euphemism you may hear is 'make the dead roll in their grave'. It's one thing to do something so disgusting that you make the dead roll around, but this is something enough for these corpses to get reanimated, dig their selves out, get up, walk to another grave, and switch. This person's mere existence is potent enough that it causes the deceased to get up and leave.

It gives the vibe of a shift in the natural order of things, if that makes sense.

Plus, plus, in Islam (I know, I'm back at the religion again, bare with me lads), after a person has died, it is believed they will rest in their grave until The Day Of Judgement where they will be full body resurrected and either be taken to Paradice or Hell. Aka, the corpse will be reanimated to be eternally judged. There's also a similar idea in Christian theology; some denominations believe they die and either straight up go to Heaven or Hell, or will wait in their grave to be reanimated and judged on Judgement Day. Just something to think about.

Further, Jericho is the 'oldest city in the world', and makes an appearance in the Bible and the Qur'an; Israelites conquer the city and destroy it's protective walls. Nazareth was the home of Mary in the Bible and also where she received Annunciation. Calcutta is the old name for the capital of British India (now called Kolkata). Overarching theme of big cities with violent histories.

Lastly, we have "you take your leave". It's sung in a very final tone, if you get what I mean. Basically a 'you leaving isn't a big deal...but it means a lot to me. You've hurt me; again.'. There's not much to analyse here; it's simple and it's final. Whoever this is is gone, either 'dead' and so thoroughly disgusted/angered by Vessel that they've reanimated themselves and walked off, and Vessel will spend his time dissecting old encounters and feeding off of whatever he can salvage.

On the note of 'death', a bed can also be a grave for some people, either a metaphorical one or a literal one.

[mysterycharacterflowers]

Round 2; A bouquet of poppy, zygopetalum, echeveria, dandelion, yucca, twinspur , lotus, tagetes, ursinia, purple hyacinth and hibiscus Vs A bouquet of blue and purple daisies, desert lilies and black tulips

If you know who they are, or you are pretty sure of it, please don't tell until this poll has ended!

First, let's talk about the bouquet of poppy, zygopetalum, echeveria, dandelion, yucca, twinspur , lotus, tagetes, ursinia, purple hyacinth and hibiscus

Meaning and why these flowers were chosen: Poppy, for fertility, remembrance, strength, hope, resilience, sleep, and peace. When we meet her, she is stumbling through the wake of her trauma--including grief for both herself and her dead child— without any real goal of recovery, trying to cope through substance abuse, but over a long hard walk she gradually uncovers her inner strength Zygopetalum, for fertility and spiritual connection between people. Fertility is relevant because her pregnancy as a young teen overturned her life; spiritual connection, meanwhile, doesn’t apply in a soulmates way like would be typical for this flower, but instead as a moment of profound enlightenment that she experiences and later relates to someone who very nearly understands. Echeveria, for endurance. She’s been through a whole lot, curled up in a ball, got back up and kept going. Also because it’s one of a few plants called hens-and-chicks, and she was a mother. Dandelion, for determination, joy, and youthful thoughts. She’s just a teenager with big dreams, a love of stories, a history of tomfoolery, and a not irreparably broken soul. Yucca, for new opportunities, loyalty, and purity. She has to leave home to find hope; she is a good friend, or at least she’s trying very hard; and she’s certainly not ‘pure’ by her conservative quasi-Christian mother and culture’s standards, but whose fault is that and what does that mean anyway? Twinspur, for fidelity and friendship. She reconnects with an old friend and tries to accept who they are, their journey, and what they’ve done despite the rift in her since she last knew them; she also ends up befriending/befriended by someone she justly punched in the face before, so there’s that. I also chose this flower by its name because she’s a twin; that’s also complicated. Lotus, for spiritual growth and transcendence. She went looking for it, with her friend who was far more interested in it than she was at first, and she certainly found it even the transcendence suffered for it. Tagetes, for faith (and use in religious contexts), creativity, jealousy, and loss. Religious faith is very important to people in her life and was formative, in an abusive manner, to her in the childhood she’s only partly left; her mother clung to fundamentalist religion in a time that had seen a lot of change, and because of this shamed her all the more for her perceived transgressions against polite society. (After experiencing that, she wound up trying to combat religion-backed colonialism and generally being unwilling to let others be hurt with religion as the weapon like it was for her.) Creativity is a central part of her mind—she pranks, she explores, she lets herself become enveloped in possibly silly ideas and fascinations. Jealousy is something she has for those with more privilege getting into situations not unlike hers and getting away with it, and for those without her knack for getting into trouble (and thus getting, in this case, unjustly punished); in other words the jealousy is for her siblings. The loss part is probably clear by now—loss of her child, loss of faith of varying kinds, loss of social acceptance. Ursinia, for temptation and innocent love; she fell for a man not the least bit worth it. Purple hyacinth, for playfulness and regret; connected in this case since her playful, adventurous nature was a part of what she was shamed for, loosely speaking, when her pregnancy came to light and with the aftermath. In other words, she was too much to be considered a good girl to begin with. Hibiscus, for youth, first love (little good though it did her), and the shortness of life; she was a child giving birth to a child who didn’t survive.

Description: A young woman—eventually admirable, never despicable—with a bad reputation kept small, a self-sabotaging streak that can’t compete with the actual sabotage other people deal to her, and quite a lot of self-loathing her parents don’t care or know to help her process. Desperately needs to be told that what she went through wasn’t funny, actually, but doesn’t know that until it’s actually said. The daughter of a lawyer and a miserable housewife, and it shows. Wildly eccentric when she’s not forcing self-effacement; gets more philosophical as she goes, and unlearns the hatred she was taught for her supposedly sinful body. Once constructs an alter ego whose name is a crude joke, but completely accidentally on her part. Chaotic good

Check their post here

Now, let's talk about the bouquet of blue and purple daisies, desert lilies and black tulips

Meaning: Desert lilies (redemption, resurrection) Black tulips (strength, elegance) Blue/purple daisies (blue: loyalty, trust, peace; purple: thoughtfulness, having fun, unity) Why these flowers were chosen: The desert lilies and black tulips symbolize his outside demeanor, someone intimidating and poised. (Plus, desert lilies are often grown in the desert, where the character resides.) On the other hand, the daisies show who he really is inside, being loyal, thoughtful, and caring. Plus, all the flowers match with his main color scheme! Description: A man in a very high position of power, with a reputation for being ruthless and willing to do anything to carry out his work. Because of this status, he's become very aware of himself and the fear that surrounds him, to the point of breaking his typical mold to lighten the mood (in his own, very cringey way) when things are looking glum. You'd be surprised to find out how thoughtful and genuinely kind he is; you'd also be surprised to find him at a local card game tournament, just less so. Seriously, he never shuts up about it. He has a big heart for those he cares for, though he acts practically heartless around those he doesn't. He has a terrible sense of humor and is the purest definition of a nerd, but he can still pack a punch when needed. He's even transgender (headcanon)

Check their post here

[autumnleaffay]

Mare made Death

(TW, death at the end)

Sverige wasn't even thinking about the nightmares when they started.

As a nation, he had already had experience so much. Nightmares were sometimes unavailable.

One thing that striked him as weird was that all 5 of them had the nightmares. At first, no one revealed to the others their nightly fright. Well, with the exception of Island, but he was still young. His body barely the physical age of 5. But Norge would always stay with him.

Norge. The ever so devoted big brother. Sverige was envious of Island sometimes, envious for Norge's attention. But alas, he was just a brother by oath from the old times.

The Union has taken it's toll on all of their relationships. Sverige fears that the void that is being ripped between them is growing by the days until they will all inevitably break apart.

On this particular early winter morning, by odd chance, all five found themselves in the great room. The fire roared in the fireplace, started by a still shaken Finland. Danmark looked like he was about to puke. Island still had tear stains on his face.

And Norge? Norge still looked half dead. The toll of the Black Death leaving its scars even after years pasted by. That once strong viking, the fiercest raider is now reliant on a walking stick.

With a trembling voice, Finland mumbled out: "Do you guys also woke up from nightmares?"

"I don't get nightmares!" Danmark intercepted immediately, just as Island started to wimmer again. Norge gave both Finland and Danmark a sharp glare while handing Island another cup with warm milk, honey, and lavender.

He had to hold the cup with both hands, another sign of his weakness. But Sverige thoughts were halted as Norge continued to talk:

"We have a Mare in the castle."

Danmark let out a laugh, Island looked at his brother confused and Finland was deep in his thoughts.

Sverige, of course, knew what Norge meant. He grew up together with Danmark and Norge. All three shared the folk tales. Though, Norge and him were always closer...

Anyways, he was also the last to leave his heathen past and become christian. Uppsala had been the last stronghold.

Finally, someone, Finland, spoke up: "A Mare is a creature of the folk tales. Riding on people in the night, giving them nightmares, or worse -"

"We have to find it and get rid of it before it can do any harm!" Norge nearly shouted, scaring Island. The little boy was shaking as his brother started to berate and lecture on the danger of said Mare with an increasing volume.

Danmark intercepted. He always needed to have the final word nowadays.

"Stop! Norge, you are delusional! Firstly, you are scaring Island. Secondly, it's the middle of winter, Jul is nearly upon us. Of cause the darkness takes its toll on us!"

He looked at Island and spoke with a softer voice: "Finish your milk lille dreng. Then we will make sure there are no scary creatures in your room, so you can sleep while I watch."

Norge was about to protest, as Danmark continued: "You Norge need to rest, you are clearly stressed and overwhelmed with your sickness and taking care of Island. I'll take care of him. Sverige!"

Now Danmark got his attention.

"Sverige, take care that Norge rest up."

Than Danmark pointed at Finland:

"And you! Make sure that the fire is properly taken care of."

"Why should I?" Finland's eyes had a rebellious glint. "You didn't ask me properly or said my name!"

Danmark's hand became a fist, but one look at Island's big and scared eyes saved Finland from his rebellious acts this time.

"Sauli, or so! Handle the fire."

With that, Danmark went and picked up Island, who by now had finished this milk and was yawning again. The moment Danmark had the little nation in his arms Island rested his head on Danmark's shoulder. Together they left the great room.

Finland scoffed as they left: "That was NOT a please. But at least he tried to say my actual name, unlike you, Ruotsi!"

With that Finland, well, Suomi turned to the fire, ignoring the two others left in the room.

Norge had become quiet during Danmarks berate. He seemed so small and weak. Sverige just wanted to protect him.

"Norge-"

"Just bring me to my room. Please Sverige. Don't make this hard."

Silently, he nodded and slowly put his arms under Norge. The man was now so skinny that he was basically a paper weight in Sverige's arms.

As they reached Norges chamber, a fire was already lit, and the bed warmers had been doing thier works aswell.

Sverige carefully placed Norge in the bed. His hands lingered on his old oath brother just a second to long, but Norge did not say a word about it. He just looked Sverige deep into his eyes.

"When will I ever be seen as your equal again. And not a trophy for you or Danmark?"

Sverige wanted to protest, wanted to say that Norge is not a trophy. But... he was right. The passing of time has made 3 oath brothers into adolescence and eventually into young adults with feelings and desires.

Two of them have grown with power, and one got struck by the plague.

Two have developed feelings, and one became the object, the trophy of desire.

Sverige wanted to do the right thing, apologise, anything but what he did in the end.

The bigger part of him, the one that was fighting with Danmark more and more on a daily basis, the one lusting for land and power, the growing empire took control as he kissed Norge cheek.

As if stuck by lightning, Sverige stood up, backed up to the door. His own cheeks flaming red.

With a quick and hastly: "Sorry, rest well." Sverige was out of the door.

Norge's hand moved up to his cheek, a rose tint coming to his face.

"If he wasn't so blunt... at least a good memory before I have to go through the pain of dying and coming back."

Norge was right. The Mare was present, and they left a single doll in the great room. An Oman of death.

That following new year, nearly every human servant of the castle and all the nations came down with a bloody caught.

Many died. Including one nation. The one already weak by the plague.

~~~~~~~~

Hiiiiii!!! A teeny tiny bit SuNor anyone? Btw, I do multi ship. History is complex, and the relationship between nations are ever changing! So I love to be open on that part. (Yes, DenNor and SuFin have a special place in my heart, but that doesn't mean I don't indulge in the others aswell!)

This story is not based on a specific historical moment but rather a folklore creature of the Mare. Link:

Other things mentioned:

Kalmarunionen (again lol)

Norway losing between 60-65% of its population during the Black plague

Uppsala as a heathen stronghold

"Lille dreng" - Danish for little boy

Suomi and Ruotsi - Finland and Sweden in Finnish

Bloody cough? Tuberculosis!

[writingformeandyou]

An Amic Recap

The smile that came to my sleepy ass face when Mod Vic posted, tho. I was extremely happy to see Vic pop in for a moment and decided that I should probably provide a recap of life as well. It’s got its highs and lows, but I just want people to know that they cannot gloss over things like abuse and mental health.

Quick TL;DR: College student that does not know what sleep is somehow is doing decent. Also, mental health is a thing and abuse from parents should not be excused. 

Quick P.S: I  am realizing that the stuff I have written for the abuse might be triggering so the paragraphs following 2022 before going into 2022-2023 is the worst of it as that’s what goes over me being disowned. 

So, let’s start from 2020. The year of chaotic madness and me graduating and going to college. This year was rough, I had really bad point of views that I should not have had provided my my Trump cultist parents. I honestly did think that Covid was the “Chinese flu” and that span of thought didn’t undo itself until I got into college. I was just generally a really upset kid stuck around the wrong people 24/7 that was sad that I’d miss out on my senior experiences. 

Heading into college I felt sick as hell. I had doubts and the whole way I was teased about how I legit seemed on the brink of throwing up. I didn’t think I could do it. My whole high school experience was being compared to my younger sibling and being a C and D student. I was terrified... but then again I knew I had to do it. This was probably the only way I could get away from my parents and their year long groundings, physical punishments, thievery, etc. that final semester of high school was my best with me having my first AB streak since my elementary experience. 

Finally came college, I was very reclusive that first year; a habit formed by living with my parents during covid. I did occasionally go out but as soon as my roommate went to move in with her roommate of choice it was just me and finally I could hide. Finally, I could breathe. I was developing such terrible insomnia at this time and had to start taking melatonin supplements to keep my crap together. Also, I finally brought my PS4 with me, and FFXV became a very grounding game as can be expected. And, seemingly terribly my academic advisor starts a discussion about how I might have ADHD. I felt such terrible shame thinking that I could be one of those kids and avoided it. 

Somehow, I survived the 2020-2021 school year and continued on from there.

2021-2022 my parents start getting weird. I stopped going to church years ago after seeing the harm that Christians do to people and start acknowledging my religious status as Agnostic. They start telling me to go to church, that the rough church going experiences I had in the past isn’t an everywhere thing but I simply respond that there’s some things in the bible that I just am not in agreement with and it’s for the best that I don’t go to a religious group setting. Also, I added that evolution would have to be pried from my cold, dead hands because that has been a topic of interest ever since elementary and I basically got jumped at church as a young teen for saying that I thought god triggered evolution. 

Throughout the year I am questioned when I will get married though at the oldest I am 21. I’ve officially come to the conclusion that I will not marry until I am out of college and other things are coming to mind. For example, I have finally accepted that I am bi. It was a relief when that clicked completely and when I finally accepted that I couldn’t just be that good Christian girl anymore. I came out to my parents simply as they were teasing me about a woman from a movie and how I must think that she is hot. It is likely that the teasing came because my adult younger brother ran away shortly after my graduation so they missed being able to tease in this way. They laughed at me but I was really happy, I thought that this was a win and honestly I didn’t want any assurances that I was ok. I thought that they loved me after all. 

This summer, I started a job at a place I grew up going to. Things start getting really weird. My parents try to hook me up with their friends (the youngest of which being 25) and I start getting chewed out for my dad having to see me in “lewd” ways by me wearing the occasional tank top or leggings because I started to occasionally work out. I muted my stepmother because, more often than not I’d be harassed by cussing text messages that I’d rather not revisit. At this point, I have broken down at work multiple times, and my coworkers start becoming extremely concerned for me. My boss pulls me to the side one day and tells me that while I have room to grow she has seen that I am a capable woman and that I need to do whatever I can to survive the summer. She also brings up a discussion about parentification because I was always on standby with my phone for my kid sisters. Also, since I felt safe with her I brought up a discussion about me potentially having ADHD and she pointed out that girls and women present differently and that from what she has seen she thinks I could fit the mold as well.

2022, the school year is on the brink of coming along and I have an ominous feeling. Two days before move in I had a nightmare with zombies and a lot of loss. It seems like it’s something so little but having dreams like that back in high school for me usually meant a hell of a time was to come and that I need to prepare for some literal emotional damage. This time though, I ignored it cause it had been so long since the last one that I had to just be dreaming.

One day before move in, I make a life changing choice. I got in contact with my younger brother that ran away and offered to give him our Xbox 360 that was gifted to us specifically by a relative. I didn’t have the space and recently got the most recent Xbox. I then take it to a friend of his and head home to see my parents. A lot of this I’ve blocked out but they accused me of stealing from them, started saying nasty things about me being bi, and even equated me to a pedophile. They sent me out, telling me to not come back until I had the damn console back and threatened to call the police.

This was the most scared that I ever was. My father was never that aggressive to me and my kid sisters were horrified. I knew that I had to contact someone to save my ass quick and called a guy friend from college (specifically my college roomie’s bf) so he started rushing to pick me up asap. I got the console and then threatening messages came. I called my previous academic advisor, terrified and confused about what to do cause my friend would have been another 30 minutes. She talked me through the whole thing as I spoke terrified and sob broken words. What she said next was get a friend from town to save me so I wracked my mind and immediately messaged a friend that I now consider to be a dear sister. At the time she wasn’t 100% a friend but we could talk cause she was the sister of a friend but that friend was out of state for college. She told me to head home because of the threats and that she’d be there soon. So I did, I went to that hellscape.

I was numb as all of the yelling happened. As he threw stuff and accused me of stealing more from him. I didn’t even get everything of mine, but at least I got the most important stuff. I didn’t cry, all I really did was say “uh huh” or “ok.” Now I know from my counselor that this was a trauma response. I remember hearing him yell something about my friend being there, he was probably pissed that I took steps to make sure I wouldn’t just be kicked out or on the brink of being murdered without a witness.

I remember they yelled at each other. He accused her of making me a gay degenerate, etc. but I couldn’t help but to internally laugh because she’s a Catholic that goes to church every week. She’s one of the few religious people that I’ve met that does not immediately hate or ostracize those who are different. He threw my boxes of stuff, damaging one and making all of my books spill onto the lawn in the process. I wonder if the neighbors that already disliked him disliked him more after that day because I was the one member of the family that talked to the “enemies.”

Things zoom by from there. I was terribly sick and couldn’t stomach the ice cream I was given, I got a hug from my now adoptive parents, hugged my now sister, and hugged my college friend before he took me home to my dorm. That night was too damn quiet. I couldn’t stay in my room alone and went to the basement lounge with my Xbox and played Stardew Valley. I remember being terribly annoyed when some drunks came around and watched while making loud and bothersome comments, but with time their presence brought me repose. Eventually they left, and one of my best friends from home, a guy that my parents desperately hoped I would get with, messaged me and we talked for hours as he assured me that I had a place with him and his family if need be.

Before anyone asks, no I did not date him. We dated back in junior high and HS for a time but stopped both times. We both have agreed that we are siblings by heart so dating just feels odd. I think that is one thing that angered them, that I could feel so safe with a man who was not going to become a significant other or something. 

Finally, 2022-2023. Things were hit or miss for a while and I remember people watching me closely and asking if I felt any urge to self harm. No, I did not. I’d come too damn far to let those feckers ruin it all for me so I wouldn’t. I just immersed myself in college more. One day though, I remember seeing a car that looked like my stepmom’s driving in front of the dorm as I was walking with my girls to the car. My knees fell out from under me and I became a blubbering and crying mess with the thought of “I am in danger. They’ve finally come for me.” I remember my two friends clinging onto me, telling me that I was ok and that it wasn’t them. Good news is we had preexisting plans to go out to get me comfort food so perfect timing I guess.

Every week I met with my current academic advisor, making game plans and figuring things out. Eventually, I even found myself kinda enjoying the poetry class that I thought I’d hate because I could use it to vent my frustrations. With time it was almost time to leave for winter break and I was praised by my advisor and told by him that he didn’t think that he would know anyone ever again who could face such adversity and still take on a double major, a minor, and other college related things with a job. Around this point I was also asked by a friend about what I would do about my surname since it is my father’s and I don’t plan to marry anytime soon so I responded honestly, “I am stealing it and making something out of it.” 

Cue winter and I visit the UK for study abroad. By this time I have 100% concluded that I will never extend the olive branch to my father or stepmother. To hell with them! Whenever my brother would do so they would complain about him and joke at his expense, I know my position in things. I am not playing their games. Also, at this point I am reembracing liking fandoms and other stuff like that because I had a mental block to all of those things for a while due to my parents belittling me and telling me that as an adult I shouldn’t like them. 

Now I am 22 years old. I am nearing the end of my junior year of college and am amazed that I have made it this far. Back in junior high I swore that I would drop out of high school and yet here I am even when my parents tried their damnedest to get me to drop out. I have family and I am loved by many and have learned that a long time ago I lost my family member status. I am now learning what it is like to be a true family member and am honestly finally happy though there are hard days. 

I have been praised for the start to my history senior project and have been told that there is a chance that I could possibly publish my findings. I have my fingers crossed because imagine the family disappointment publishing something. Damn, I’d leave a copy at those feckers’ house! 

So yeah, chaos over the years. I have hope for the future no matter how scary it seems. I have not gotten the ADHD diagnosis yet cause I am terrible about going to the doctor and in general have found a way to make this weird spaghetti coding in my brain work with being a student, finally. A small part of me wishes I could brag about my successes to those problematic people, but I just know they’ll take the credit for making me finally grow up by kicking me out and disowning me. Nope, they aren’t getting that credit because I am the one who learned how to function while they tried to steal my ability to do so. They should have noticed that year long groundings in high school weren’t really that efficient in anything but giving me the chance to learn how to be sneaky.

Anyways, that’s about it. Now that I am healing from them and the things that they have told me I might have to consider writing again. I cannot and will not make promises though because I’ve done that many times and it’s just mean to offer something and not provide. Also, I’ve been playing FFXV: War for Eos on my phone so if you’d like to play join me and my guild (Bros) Choco Bros. I am not the leader but we’d be happy to have more people who love FFXV. 

Also, a final thing since I am amused by this. I started watching Trigun and um... I think I have a type. 

[scribeforchrist-blog]

What’s Your Story?!

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Zechariah 2:13 Be still before the Lord, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling.”

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VERSE OF THE DAY 

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2 Samuel 24:17 When David saw the angel, he said to the Lord, “I am the one who has sinned and done wrong! But these people are as innocent as sheep—what have they done? Let your anger fall against me and my family.”

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SUBJECT: What’s Your Story?!

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM HEARING GOD 

I AM OBEYING GOD 

I AM STRONG 

I AM MIGHTY 

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READ TIME: 9 Minutes & 6 Seconds

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THOUGHTS:

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 It is often said that everyone has a story to tell, and their unique journey shapes who they are. But many fail to realize that the only way to tell this story the right way is by following God's will. Sadly, many of us stray from His path and make our own choices. Looking back on my life, I can attest to experiencing difficult and joyful times. Yet, every single moment, whether good or bad, has brought me to where I am today. It may be challenging to see the bigger picture on our journey and even harder to comprehend that our life is a story waiting to be shared with others. It is, in fact, our testimony, a testament to our faith and trust in God's plan for us. Keeping this in mind, we can find comfort in knowing that the greatest author is writing our story.

    To truly walk in the Lord's way, we must listen to His voice when He speaks. Some may argue that God has spoken numerous times, yet we have not acted upon His words. This could be due to our reluctance to trust His guidance and follow His instructions fully. However, when we look at the story of Joseph in the Bible, we see that he did not hesitate or second guess when the angel instructed him to leave. He simply obeyed and moved without question. We should adopt one of unwavering faith and obedience when God speaks to us. By following in Joseph's footsteps, we can truly walk in the Lord's way and experience the blessings that come from trusting in His plan for our lives.

 

Mathew 2:13 When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.”

 

Verse 19 After Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt 20 and said, “Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the child’s life are dead.”

    Each time he rose and departed, he did so without hesitation. There was no questioning, no fussing, no anger. He simply followed their command. It's a reminder that sometimes we need to let go of our agendas and listen to God's will. For some of us, this means following a path that may not align with our plans but ultimately leads to a complete and fulfilling story. Others may struggle as they try to force their story to fit their desires, causing pain and hardship. But God wants to complete us in every way and show us His path. Even when it may be difficult, as it was for him to move a baby and another person, he did so without hesitation to follow God's will. This is how you trust and surrender, knowing that God's plans are always greater than ours.

     Trusting and believing in God's plans for our lives can be difficult, especially when faced with challenges and uncertainties. The fear of the unknown can cause hesitation and second-guessing, making us question whether we should continue faith in God. But when we do this, we do not truly trust Him and His promises. Just like in any healthy relationship, we must have trust and faith in our partner, and the same goes for our relationship with God. He expects us to walk in His holiness and strength, and it can be a struggle when we want to rely on our understanding. However, God wants us to let go of the world's ways and fully surrender to Him. This is when our true story begins, and His voice becomes our guide. Let's not allow the devil to distract us or make us doubt; instead, let's have unwavering faith in God and His plans for us.

   2 Samuel 24:2 So the king told Joab and the army commanders, “Take a census of all the tribes of Israel—from Dan in the north to Beersheba in the south—so I may know how many people there are.

  This is what disobedience looks like. David was told not to count the people, but he did anyway; he wanted them all counted after he was told not to do this. David didn’t care who he offended, and he didn’t listen to anyone. 

  Verse 3 Joab replied to the king, “May the Lord your God let you live to see a hundred times as many people as there are now! But why, my lord the king, do you want to do this?

 As a wise and trusted advisor, Joab tried to stop his friend from making a grave mistake. He knew that sometimes we don't hear God's voice audibly, and His warnings can also come through other people. However, it is ultimately up to us to listen to the voice of God and heed His warnings. We must be open to receiving guidance from others and be willing to let go of our desires to follow God's will. It takes true humility and a deep relationship with God to hear and obey His voice, but it is crucial to avoid making harmful decisions. So I implore you, do you truly hear the voice of God? And more importantly, do you listen and follow His guidance even when it goes against your desires?

   Verse 10: But after he had taken the census, David’s conscience began to bother him. And he said to the Lord, “I have sinned greatly by taking this census. Please forgive my guilt, Lord, for doing this foolish thing.”

  David knew what he did was wrong, and he knew he had sinned against God; he asked God to forgive him for what he had done; sometimes, when we don’t listen, it can cause other people around us to be affected that’s why Joseph listen to the angel because Mary and the baby would’ve been affected with his disobedience, but David didn’t think who he would affect, and that was the people.

  Verse 15: So the Lord sent a plague upon Israel that morning, and it lasted for three days. A total of 70,000 people died throughout the nation, from Dan in the north to Beersheba in the south.

 The story of one man's disobedience leading to the death of 70,000 people due to the chosen punishment of the plague is a harsh reminder of the consequences of our actions. David had three choices from the Lord, and we are given choices daily. It is a sobering thought to imagine how our disobedience can impact ourselves and those around us. That is why it is crucial to listen to the voice of God and heed His guidance. We must not let our pride get in the way and prevent us from hearing His voice. It is a lesson to be humble and obedient to God's will and not let our desires and ego lead us astray.

     ***Today, we discussed hearing God’s voice and listening attentively when He speaks. While we may have our methods of doing things, when God speaks to us, informing us of our wrongdoings or guiding us towards His will, we must pause and submit to His leadership. Joseph, for instance, allowed the angel of the Lord to guide him, while David’s disobedience led to dire consequences. Let us be cautious in our actions and strive to align them with God’s will. 

  Verse 17: When David saw the angel, he said to the Lord, “I am the one who has sinned and done wrong! But these people are as innocent as sheep—what have they done? Let your anger fall against me and my family.”

    David understood his mistake and took full responsibility. He wanted the punishment to be on him and his family. Often, we resist accountability for our actions. However, this demonstrated David’s character—he was a fair and caring man who cared about those he affected. Do you care about the impact of your actions? Do you want to strive to listen to God more? If so, ask God to allow you to hear Him when He speaks. 

©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, we come before you with a grateful heart, thanking you for everything you have given us. Your love and mercy humble us, and we ask for your forgiveness for any sins we have committed. Please help us hear your voice when you speak and be obedient to your will. We know your plans for us are greater than we could ever imagine, and we trust your guidance. We pray to continue to grow in faith and follow your path. In Jesus' Name Amen 

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REFERENCES 

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+ Leviticus 22:31: “So you shall keep my commandments and do them: I am the LORD

 

+ Deuteronomy 6:25 And it will be righteousness for us if we are careful to do all this commandment before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us

 

+ Joshua 24:24 And the people said to Joshua, “The LORD our God we will serve, and his voice we will obey

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FURTHER READINGS 

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Proverbs 24

Genesis 48

Exodus 26

Leviticus 15

Numbers 27

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[districtfourmermaid]

#just to whisper my own little gripes with the poetry since this particular Raven quote contains it #enough of the Covey songs had small tweaks here and there to better fit Panem #But despite the fact that we are led to believe religion is no more in the Panem we know there are so many explicit references to #Christianity that the Covey let slip through the cracks #heaven and angels sure you could make up whatever vague thing LD said #but the fucking capitol G God some other references are just too much #| don't buy it

^ your tags!! yes!! I was already surprised by how much outright religious talk there was in Sunrise! like Haymitch canonically knows what heaven and angels are? *and* believes in said afterlife? whereas to Katniss the paintings in the justice building are just fat children with wings (which was so telling and charming! imo)? Idk, I can't put my finger on it but it seems like world expansion in the wrong way where it shifts everything closer to ours. don't get me wrong, I like the idea of there being remnants of religion, like D2's bread crumb ritual for their dead. but angels and heaven are very specific and I always thought it interesting how the series was scrubbed of it until now

Thank you!!!

Yes, I really enjoyed the D2 funeral practice in the Ballad and the D4 and D12 wedding rituals in the Trilogy. Those felt like interesting ways in which people would organically fill in the cultural voids and have some sense of tradition, even if it isn't Religious.

With the D2 funeral thing and the references to heaven/hereafter in Lucy Gray's songs, it made sense in time. Like these more spiritual ideas and references felt more plausible 64 years pre-Trilogy, given the lack of any of that in the Trilogy. But to have so much of the Christian references left intact in the Poe quotes and more in-depth discussions of the afterlife between characters in Sunrise did not feel like they fit in that 24 years pre-Trilogy time frame. I would have expected the religious references to decrease in those 40 years, not increase, especially given Katniss's "winged babies" moment and the total lack of spiritual elements in the D4 and D12 wedding rituals.

[descriptivestats]

Idolatry pt 1

The greatest sin in the world has one name. From it come all the other 7 deadly sins - greed, lust, wrath, gluttony, pride, envy, and sloth. How it disgusts me to see their names written again. It is so simple to follow God if you just avoid the 7 deadly sins. Simply be in moderation. Simply clean your disgusting room and car. Simply do not sell your body. Simply do not wish to own real estate which you do not need. Simply do not put yourself above others who are noble too. Simply do not covet your neighbors wife. The lessons are so simple, so why does the corpus not follow them? Because they have been misled by the Devil.

The Devil is crafty and has created one all encompassing sin. He made it so that it can take any form and is hidden in anything. If one's faith is not stubborn like a rock, like a stone, like an unmoving floor, then he will find himself again losing to the greatest creation of the evil angel. The evil angel, who is named Lucifer, has but a small flashlight, nothing more. He takes this flashlight and shines it on ordinarily dull bodies and says worship this meaningless item like it is gold or diamond. Like I have taught you to worship things which are not God. Worship the home, worship the woman, worship the child. I spit out these incredulous words, these faithless diversions.

The world is not ready to give up Idolatry. That is its name. Even now, the men worship their wives and buy them endless gifts. They buy them homes, worthless gems, worthless clothes. They say you are my God. They worship even images of them, putting them on their phones and walls. Disgusting men, who have committed the greatest and most slippery sin. The men worship the bible and use its words to justify unholy actions. The bible says to wage war on Jerusalem, so the United States tries, though they are really the Christian kingdom, to take it from the wretched Jews. The wretched jews take it from the zealous Muslims. In the end all these races are wretched. The separation between those who believe in God is also Idolatry.

The Jews worship the lesser Moses. The Christians worship the lesser Jesus, even calling him God. The Muslims worship the little Mohammed, calling him the word of God. All these prophets do not share in the sin of the bodies of these religions. All these prophets worshipped only God. They were awarded special human abilities because of their belief in God. The corpus of "believers" remain stubborn in their sin, which is a noble quality, but only when it is turned towards the God. The Christians worship the Idol Jesus, the rockstar, the musician, the peaceful Jesus, when Jesus was never peaceful. They hang his dead corpse on the walls of their homes, worshipping even his failure, which he amended in his lifetime, by talking to God, who gave his loyal son a second chance on this Earth. The Jews worship a messenger of God, who performed miracles only given to him in the permission of the leader of the Universe. The singleton, who awards power to those who move with the holy spirit, body, and mind of God. The Muslims worship not even one who could channel the magical abilities of the supernatural, a simple human on Earth, who spake the words given to him through God,

In this we see something beautiful. The Muslims worship a Mind king, the Jews a soul king, who found himself in the desert until he could feel the winds of God, and the Christians, a body king, who could perform physical feats of greatness. But they all worship only a single child of God and cannot conceive the greater king, the God. Simply believe in God, that is the only instruction that all people must follow. If God writes his name on any thing, any thought, any book, any smell, any sight, any mountain, any music, any bush, then it is him, so listen to him. When he is silent, do not act. Become an instrument for the one who psychically communicates with the Universe at all moments. Follow God.

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Daily Devotionals for Monday, April 22, 2024

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 14:32-33(KJV): 32 The wicked is driven away in his wickedness: but the righteous hath hope in his death. 33 Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is amid fools is made known. Proverbs 14:32-33 (Amp): 32 The wicked is overthrown through his wrongdoing and calamity, but the (consistently) righteous has hope and confidence even in his death. 33 Wisdom rests (silently) in the mind and heart of him who has understanding, but that which is in the inward part of (self-confident) fools is made known.

Thought for the Day

Verse 32 - The wicked person is destroyed by his evil doings, since men reap what they sow. The righteous have an entirely different fate. When we belong to God and are “born again,” we do not have to be afraid when we face death. The One who has conquered death is with us, as we make the transition from this life to heaven. The most wonderful promise that belongs to every Christian is that we shall not taste death. Yes, our body dies, but the spirit of every believer in Jesus Christ lives on and will meet Jesus and their loved ones who knew Him in heaven. Then, at the resurrection of the dead, we shall rise and receive our new immortal bodies.

“Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:51-57).

During His ministry on earth, Jesus had the power to raise the dead, as seen in the story of Lazarus (John 11:21-45); but at some point, those raised from the dead, died again. Jesus just saved them from premature death. Many have been raised from the dead throughout history by Spirit-filled believers; however, only one was resurrected from the dead and that was Jesus Christ! By His death and resurrection, Jesus conquered death and hell for all who believe in Him. The resurrection of the remainder of the dead will not occur until Christ returns to the earth to judge them. For Christians, there is no longer any fear of death because its power is broken through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Praise God!

Verse 33 — God's wisdom resides within those who belong to Him. Because of this, we have access to His wisdom and knowledge for the answer to any problem. Self-confident fools will eventually show themselves as such; for what is in a man will at some time or other surface for others to see. All who desire to know Christ do not need to remain foolish and self-confident. If we seek Him, He will give us the power to follow and obey Him. We will not need to fear death or hell, for those who know Christ and love God has the promise that they will be with Him eternally.

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear heavenly Father, thank you for the promise of eternal life. I am so thankful that my name is written in the Book of Life. Lord, I pray that every member of my family comes to know You and the power of Your resurrection life. Thank you, that as Christians, when it is our time to cross over into heaven, we do not have to fear. Death is the last enemy we shall face, and because You have overcome death and hell, we will not even feel its sting. Lord, we are grateful for the promise that we shall once again see all of our loved ones who are in Christ because they live in You. Lord, comfort those who have lost loved ones with the knowledge that they shall indeed see them and love them again in our heavenly home. I ask this in Your Son, Jesus' name. Amen. From: Steven P. Miller @ParkermillerQ,  gatekeeperwatchman.org Founder of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups, Sunday, April 21, 2024, Jacksonville, Florida., USA.  X ... @ParkermillerQ #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO, #Ephraim1, #IAM, #Sparkermiller, #Eldermiller1981 GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Sparkermiller.JAX.FL.USA

[c0exiist]

It all happened too fast. 

One moment she was simply being playful with Cedric, talking about their time sabotaging Nancy Carter’s grandmother on behalf of her own, the next thing you know a beautiful ring was suddenly presented in front of her. Tatiana was completely caught off guard to the point where she was at a loss for words and normally, she had something to say. Was this something she expected from Cedric? Yes, but she didn’t think she’d be on the receiving end. “—Wait, am I some kind of rebound?” The way he spoke of Violeta finding a new crush and not even liking the guy she was dating had her thinking that if Christian wasn’t in the picture, would he have still gone for her? “I refuse to be your last resort just because I’m your best friend.” She wasn’t offended as she knew he didn’t have any bad intentions, but she also knew her worth to the point where she would not stoop low just because a man (even if she was crushing on him for quite some time) suddenly wanted her. 

Tati’s expression faltered once Cedric brought up his grandfather and how this ring was meant to be her’s. An ache in her heart crept up as she wondered how long did he realize she was the one for him. Was she the fool that didn’t realize it this whole time? Or was she in denial to the point where it cost them time? “Ced…” she whispered out, but immediately stopped as revealed the truth of how he felt about her. Since they were fifteen? She was young and didn’t have time to think of a serious relationship when she was so hellbent on making a career for herself. “Why didn’t you…” And then she stopped, because she thought of the many times they were together, he always did treat her right and in the end, he was the one that would always be there despite the distance or decisions she'd made up until now. However, she kept assuming it was because they were good friends. On top of that, she didn't want to ruin their friendship as it was far of a greater loss than him falling in love with someone else.

"You're insane." she blurted out before breaking out into a smile. "You can't be serious, like...a lifetime? With me?...Forever?" Despite Tatiana's disbelief, she knew Cedric was dead serious and her gaze softened as she glanced at the ring and back at him, "You know, I've always had feelings for you. I just...didn't want it to ruin our friendship. So I buried myself in work or tried to move on to other men. They either said I was too much or too distracted and every other name in the book." Guilt washed over her as she thought about the choices she'd made when it came to their relationship. "At one point, I even tried pushing you away thinking that it would be the best solution, but that ruined me. All my feelings always went back to you." Tatiana's jaw clenched slightly as she shook her head out of disappointment due to her next thought, "Then you bring up other girls and how you need advice, like with Violeta and then I go through the whole cycle that I'm delusional for even thinking we even have a chance because again, we're just friends..." Dark hues became fixated on the ring as she grimaced and thought of what his pawpaw had mentioned, "Perhaps he did know, but what made you realize it now?"

Violeta? Shit. His stomach dropped as she asked about his supposed crush. He supposed it was obvious. His cheeks burned. Could he even more humiliated? Probably. "Violeta's fine," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. "She's actually dating someone now. Guy named Christian." He couldn't help the disdain that crept into his voice. "If you ask me, the guy's a complete tool. But hey, can't stop her from doing what she wants." It honestly didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. Then again, every time he was Tati, everything fall to the wayside. His focus was on her, wholly. Nancy Carter's garden shenanigans were safer territory. Those childhood memories anchored him when everything else felt uncertain. How did Tati still remember every detail like it happened yesterday? "God, we were little demons, weren't we? Poor old lady never stood a chance against us." He laughed, grateful for the temporary distraction from his racing heart. "Remember how you convinced me that pouring salt on the soil was 'scientific gardening'? I believed every word. Would've believed anything you said back then." Still would, if he was being honest. All this time and his heart still did cartwheels when she smiled at him.

When she asked for a ring, the bottom dropped out of his stomach. Oh god. This was actually happening. Not the joking deflection he expected. His mouth went dry. "I have one," he admitted quietly, hand trembling slightly as he reached into his wallet, behind his ID where it had been hiding for god knows how long. The ring was nestled in a worn velvet pouch—a vintage sapphire surrounded by tiny diamonds in a delicate gold setting. He'd lost count of how many times he'd almost worked up the courage to show it to her. "My pawpaw gave this to me before he died," he said, voice barely steady as he placed it between them. "Told me I'd know when it was time to give it to someone." His throat tightened as he added, "Think the old man knew all along it was meant for your hand." 

Her second question hit him like a physical blow. Was he sure? About spending a lifetime with her? The thought of it being anyone else had never even occurred to him. "You asking if I'm sure about you?" He swallowed hard. "Tati, I've been sure since we were fifteen. Just took me all this time to get my shit together enough to say it." His fingers itched to reach for her hand again, but he held back, terrified of pushing too fast. "Not gonna lie, you're gonna be a headache," he said with a nervous laugh. "But you've been my favorite headache since we were kids. I'd rather argue with you for the rest of my life than get along with anyone else." He must be out of his mind, putting this all out there like he was ordering coffee. Women were supposed to want romance and grand gestures, but he was banking everything on the hope that twenty years of friendship meant she knew his heart better than that—that she could see past his clumsy words to the truth he'd been carrying around as long as that ring.

[mysterycharacterflowers]

Round 1; A bouquet of poppy, zygopetalum, echeveria, dandelion, yucca, twinspur , lotus, tagetes, ursinia, purple hyacinth and hibiscus Vs A bouquet of amaryllis, dicentra, red spider lily and white roses

If you know who they are, or are pretty sure of it, please don't tell until this poll has ended!

First, let's talk about the bouquet of poppy, zygopetalum, echeveria, dandelion, yucca, twinspur , lotus, tagetes, ursinia, purple hyacinth and hibiscus

Meaning and why these flowers were chosen: Poppy, for fertility, remembrance, strength, hope, resilience, sleep, and peace. When we meet her, she is stumbling through the wake of her trauma--including grief for both herself and her dead child— without any real goal of recovery, trying to cope through substance abuse, but over a long hard walk she gradually uncovers her inner strength Zygopetalum, for fertility and spiritual connection between people. Fertility is relevant because her pregnancy as a young teen overturned her life; spiritual connection, meanwhile, doesn’t apply in a soulmates way like would be typical for this flower, but instead as a moment of profound enlightenment that she experiences and later relates to someone who very nearly understands. Echeveria, for endurance. She’s been through a whole lot, curled up in a ball, got back up and kept going. Also because it’s one of a few plants called hens-and-chicks, and she was a mother. Dandelion, for determination, joy, and youthful thoughts. She’s just a teenager with big dreams, a love of stories, a history of tomfoolery, and a not irreparably broken soul. Yucca, for new opportunities, loyalty, and purity. She has to leave home to find hope; she is a good friend, or at least she’s trying very hard; and she’s certainly not ‘pure’ by her conservative quasi-Christian mother and culture’s standards, but whose fault is that and what does that mean anyway? Twinspur, for fidelity and friendship. She reconnects with an old friend and tries to accept who they are, their journey, and what they’ve done despite the rift in her since she last knew them; she also ends up befriending/befriended by someone she justly punched in the face before, so there’s that. I also chose this flower by its name because she’s a twin; that’s also complicated. Lotus, for spiritual growth and transcendence. She went looking for it, with her friend who was far more interested in it than she was at first, and she certainly found it even the transcendence suffered for it. Tagetes, for faith (and use in religious contexts), creativity, jealousy, and loss. Religious faith is very important to people in her life and was formative, in an abusive manner, to her in the childhood she’s only partly left; her mother clung to fundamentalist religion in a time that had seen a lot of change, and because of this shamed her all the more for her perceived transgressions against polite society. (After experiencing that, she wound up trying to combat religion-backed colonialism and generally being unwilling to let others be hurt with religion as the weapon like it was for her.) Creativity is a central part of her mind—she pranks, she explores, she lets herself become enveloped in possibly silly ideas and fascinations. Jealousy is something she has for those with more privilege getting into situations not unlike hers and getting away with it, and for those without her knack for getting into trouble (and thus getting, in this case, unjustly punished); in other words the jealousy is for her siblings. The loss part is probably clear by now—loss of her child, loss of faith of varying kinds, loss of social acceptance. Ursinia, for temptation and innocent love; she fell for a man not the least bit worth it. Purple hyacinth, for playfulness and regret; connected in this case since her playful, adventurous nature was a part of what she was shamed for, loosely speaking, when her pregnancy came to light and with the aftermath. In other words, she was too much to be considered a good girl to begin with. Hibiscus, for youth, first love (little good though it did her), and the shortness of life; she was a child giving birth to a child who didn’t survive.

Description: A young woman—eventually admirable, never despicable—with a bad reputation kept small, a self-sabotaging streak that can’t compete with the actual sabotage other people deal to her, and quite a lot of self-loathing her parents don’t care or know to help her process. Desperately needs to be told that what she went through wasn’t funny, actually, but doesn’t know that until it’s actually said. The daughter of a lawyer and a miserable housewife, and it shows. Wildly eccentric when she’s not forcing self-effacement; gets more philosophical as she goes, and unlearns the hatred she was taught for her supposedly sinful body. Once constructs an alter ego whose name is a crude joke, but completely accidentally on her part. Chaotic good

Check their post here

Now, let's talk about the bouquet of amaryllis, dicentra, red spider lily and white roses

Why these flowers were chosen: amaryliss flowers! big personality! and her dress is red. Dicentra. cause if she never tried to marry other character she wouldve lived, and with the dripping part looking like blood or water, she fell into the river. Red spider lily, Not only is it representive of death (and rebirth) anither BIG red flower also white roses because theyre extemely common wedding flowers, and she dies on her wedding. Description: She's an impulsive and vibrant woman who is constantly doing something. She's the type of person to get her entirely family kicked out of the club for being there, but sneak in anyway.

Check their post here

[lovesickheize]

mr insanity. ,˖ 𓆟  𓆝  𓆟

dpr ian (christian yu) x gn!reader

when two mentally unstable strangers find comfort in each other's presence.

⊱ ─────────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ───────── ⊰

wc: 970

tw! this fic might be triggering for some people. it's not extreme, but it is based on the two characters' mental instability. this is pure fiction.

this fic is inspired by dpr ian's music, especially his first album. my main inspiration was the music video and the lyrics of "nerves", so i'd recommend listening to it, while reading this.

▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔༺ ᨦ♡ᨩ༻▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔

and i'm sorry i was hurting too much to know that you were standing right there.

it was a moment of spark in the aeonian darkness.

you were sitting on the cold surface of a tunnel's pavement. it was raining hard outside, but you were too invested in your cigarette, diet coke and music to get scared by the thunder.

there was noone around, people locking themselves in their houses to save themselves from the undying storm. you couldn't care less about the cold. you couldn't care less about anything to be frank.

you were just sitting there, body too dehydrated to shed a tear, in a white t-shirt and sweatpants. life had been such a pain in the ass that month.

you chuckled suddenly, the sound leaving your mouth too sad for a laugh. it was ironic, how a song playing on your 'nostalgia' spotify playlist could describe your life so accurately.

you felt a presence approaching your body. head never turning to acknowledge the person that had just sat right next to you. the mysterious person took off their jacket and placed it on your shoulders. you hadn't noticed you were trembling under the ice cold air up until then.

"thanks." you mumbled, still not looking at the person.

they didn't reply, instead pulling something that sounded like a lighter. you caught a cigarette between their tattoo-filled hands with the corner of your eyes.

"i'm ian." they said.

you finally turned your head, the man in front you looking as dead as you did. "i'm y/n."

a comfortable silence took over once again, joining the sound of the storm. a couple of cigarettes later, you looked at him.

"do your tattoos have a meaning?" you asked the person who you now knew was named ian.

"some of them do, some of them don't. this is my favourite." he lifted his t-shirt's sleeve a little to show you the bald man on his left shoulder. "it's a man who looks at his own brain and realises it is limitless." his voice was deep and raspy, probably because of smoking.

"does it symbolize something?" you asked.

"it's just... you know, overthinking. if our brains weren't limitless, we wouldn't think so much, intrusive thoughts wouldn't dominate our already repetitive grey lives..." he said.

"agreed." you replied, tracing the lined man with your fingertips. "it's really pretty."

"do you have any tattoos?" ian asked.

the hand that was tracing his tattoo was now traveling up your body, reaching your hair and moving it to the side. "i got this crescent moon under my hairline a couple of years ago."

"what does it mean?" ian looked at it, eyes admiring the black lines.

"i just love the moon. ever since i was a child, i liked staying up late and looking at it in silence. it comforted me. still does."

"so beautiful." he murmured.

"you know, the moon usually symbolizes illusions and deception, but i view it as a lonely star. it reminds me of myself when i was a teen. a bright positive person in the middle of darkness and evil. but i never was as strong as the moon, i couldn't bear the malevolent nature of our society, i ended up breaking. that's why i look up to the moon. it's strong and confident. just what i wished i was."

you hadn't noticed how his eyes were stuck on you. "wow." was all he could say. "i'm sorry, i probably talk too m-"

you were interrupted by his lips on yours. you responded to the kiss, letting his tongue enter your mouth. the kiss was passionate, you felt hungry for the feeling he was offering you. his hands made their way to the back of your neck, one of his fingers caressing the moon on it, the other holding your hand. your free hand was intertwined in his soft hair, holding him close.

how a stranger could make you feel so much stuff after such a long feelingless period of your life you couldn't understand. it had been years since the last time you genuinely felt something so intense.

he pulled away, both of you catching your breath. "wanna go for a walk?" he asked.

your hand was still being held by his, you nodding positively. the two of you walked past the tunnel, cigarettes, diet coke, headphones, everything long forgotten behind. you were walking in the rain, knowing damn well it was just the two of you and the water-filled clouds.

you danced in the rain. it had been such a long time since the last time you flashed a smile that was so real. he looked at you being happy, almost dead, but still happy. he turned you around, you held his hands so tightly, he also seemed fine for a moment.

after some time, exhausted as you were, you moved closer to him, leaning your head on his wet by the rain chest. his arms wrapped around you, holding you as warm as they could, soaked as he was.

the rain was still heavy, but you didn't care. he didn't care.

that's all you could remember from that night moments before you left everything behind. the only night you felt genuinely happy, forgetting how cruel life is.

"thank you for making me feel." he whispered

the car's wheels were forced to turn, leading the car towards the hill.

welcome to the show. so, can you stay a little longer, just until i know you see me standing here?

[intothemultifandom]

in spite of what critics are saying about the last few episodes of the the walking dead’s 11th and final season, there were a few things that just hit different especially with the finale: 

SPOILERS FOR TWD “REST IN PEACE” 11.24!!

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daryl barricading judith in the hospital the same way shane did to rick in 01x01 – like father, like daughter and even brother because he also carried her the same way rick carried carl when he got shot

 actually, daryl carrying judith into the hospital to save her life vs how he carried beth out after she was killed. the FEAR he must’ve felt given the last time he carried someone in/out from the hospital.

any scene between them + carol (keeping this short bc i can write a whole novel about their scenes) 

luke dying & being comforted by magna, yumiko, connie & kelly (his og group) during his final moments; even though he wasn’t seen for most of the season, dan folger’s acting + that of nadia hilker, eleanor matsuura, lauren ridloff & angel theory was TOP-TIER 

people always die in twd, but up until luke, the newish members of the group didn’t really suffer a sudden and harsh loss like the group from earlier seasons until now

that’s why his death + the group’s raw grief hit different when you consider how this is the first time we’ve seen them have to mourn one of their own so suddenly and with walkers literally banging on their doors

the team up of eugene porter & gabriel stokes = the two characters who, at one point of the story, were the weakest and most cowardly members of the group. i mean, the parallels of how they started vs. how they ended are insane:

eugene, who lied to abraham and rosita about knowing how to cure the infection almost making himself a martyr by telling the truth about the common wealth’s corruption, and 

gabriel, who locked his congregation outside his church to die being the first to open the gates for everyone even when pamela’s people had their guns pointed at him 

if twd did anything right, it was the development of these two characters

even if i didn’t know christian serratos chose rosita’s ending, i still would’ve thought she had a fitting end as one of the original (and last) big hitters for rick’s group on the road

it wasn’t painful and gory like abraham or glenn, shocking like sasha’s or even bittersweet like carl’s in the midst of war– rosita dies a dignified and otherwise peaceful death after all the bloodshed is said & done

she sees her people are safe, knows her daughter’s in good hands and finally lays to rest after fighting on the frontlines for so long

even with her gone, her final interaction with eugene at her side really cements that he is her and abraham’s legacy because “i’m glad it was you at the end” 

(someone make baby rosie looking up to older coco because her mom was her namesake + uncle eugene canon right now) 

this post-war celebration dinner mirroring the what-if dream dinner from 7x01 about what could’ve been (credit to this article for the pic: here) also makes rosita’s death so poignant to me because negan had likened the dream as something that wouldn’t ever happen

it’s not the same exact group and it wasn’t exactly her dream, but the sentiment remains the same

in the end, peace was possible for the alexandrians after all & i’m so glad rosita got to see this before she went & re-joined the others who are no longer at the table 

negan & maggie now established as two sides of the same coin: motives, beliefs and and now shared trauma of being unable to stop their partner from being killed (or almost killed, in negan’s case) as they’re about to start a family

maggie was never going to forgive him for what he did, but that in itself gives so much more substance to their spin-off and i can’t wait to see it happen 

rick “we are the walking dead” grimes + michonne “it’s true. forever” grimes – welcome back. 

[landinoandco]

Hey could you do one with max verstappen, where the reader a fight about him not helping around the house (witch he doesnt do because he is just tired from working hard but the reader dont know) so they yell at max and he suddenly walks away but then they find him crying in bed, because hes overworked and feels like hes never gonna be good enough at being a driver and the readers boyfriend. And feels like he can only dissapoint the reader, his dad and cristian. But the reader comforts him. Tnx

Because I'm not good enough...

Max Verstappen x Reader

Warnings: angsty

Word count: 2 k

Requests are open :)

You were sat at the dining room table, staring out at the empty seat in front of you. Your arms crossed across your chest and your lip in between your teeth. You had been sat there for an hour - in the grand scheme of things an hour didn’t seem like such a long time but it was his final warning and an hour was just long enough to allow for your anger to boil over.

Dinner was in the fridge - the same dinner you had cooked an hour ago, your phone lay screen up on the table - the same phone you used to call Max two hours and a half hours ago, he told you he was on his way home. Home whilst you were in the UK was 25 minutes away from the Redbull HQ. This was becoming a regular occurrence, some nights he would come home so late that you had already taken yourself to bed. The atmosphere in the house seemed to freeze over whenever he was around even though you were yet to come out of summer, there was something hanging over the pair of you - unspoken feelings and as of now a red hot anger that threatened to escape from your usually composed nature.

Ever since the championship had taken a turn in the favour of Redbull, Max had started to become much more distant. It started off with him not inviting you along to the races, leaving on the Wednesday before race weekend and sometimes not seeing him until the following Tuesday and that was on a stand alone race weekend. On the triple headers, it could be nearing two weeks until you two were spared 5 minutes alone and even then it was a brief conversation before he rushed back to the factory or to train.

You thought you knew what you signed up for and since yours and Max’s relationship and that was three years ago so you thought you had seen it all - been through it all with him, witnessed every high and every low. This was a new territory and you knew that if it wasn’t tackled soon -

The click of the door lock echoed in the hallway, you straightened in your seat - eyes locked ahead of you and your knee bouncing.

Max sighed loudly and wiped his hand over his face, it had been a long day - he had been at the factory up until Christian had invited him out to lunch, it was nice to catch up with his boss and Max felt like he owed the man so much; guiding him through the years that had led up to the moment they found themselves in. Max felt like over the past years he had matured as a person, sometimes still short tempered but being an F1 driver it wasn’t necessarily a bad trait. After his lunch with Christian, his dad had called him - the less said about the conversation the better. By the time you had called, the last thing he wanted to do was come home and risk upsetting you. He had taken himself on a run - to clear his head and focus on what he was going to say to you because he felt like something definitely needed to be said.

He also owed a lot to you, you had put up with so much over the years and standing by his side even when he had made a mistake - although you were very quick to tell him when he was in the wrong. You seemed to be on his level, a blunt and forward look at life - there was no time for dawdling about when you had things to be done. Life was short and there was no time to waste.

Recently however, he was putting so much pressure and stress on himself about work that the hours slipped away from him and so did the time spent with you. He felt the atmosphere change around the pair of you - as though he was always walking on thin ice, the cracks beginning to show. The guilt he felt was nothing like he had ever felt before, all he wanted to do was talk to you but he was scared of pushing you away - which is ironic because not talking and letting the pent up anger build up was having the same effect. He was never that good when it came to talking about how he felt - as much as he wanted to he felt as though he would be a burden and that he would put too much pressure on you. He could never tell you what he really felt like inside. It was embarrassing, he knew that a professional athlete should never feel what he felt. It weakened him and having weaknesses in a sport like Formula 1 was not an option.

Max shrugged his coat off and walked through to the main room of the apartment - the room where you were sat waiting to pounce as though he was your unsuspecting prey.

He offered a tired smile, in response he got a sneer. Swallowing hard, you felt the anger take over, like some monster escaping from a cage.

“I have been sitting here for an hour, Max -” You shot to your feet, pointing at the table, your voice cracked slightly. “For months, you’ve been leaving me - it’s me who’s been cooking for us both, cleaning, washing - everything, Max. By myself.” You were shouting now, your heart threatening to break free from your chest. Max just stood there, a blank expression on his face - his gaze fixed to the ground. “I don’t understand what went wrong, Max. We were happy, hell, we spoke to each other. Now, I’m alone. In fact, I may as well be alone if this doesn’t change.” The words had fallen out of your mouth before you had any time to consider them - or the consequences. Your eyes went round with shock and you fell back to your seat. A loud silence filled the room.

Max, too, had not expected the words that had initiated the silence. He opened his mouth, eyes still on the ground, then closed it again before raising his head and looking you dead in the eye.

“You don’t mean that.” He managed to mutter, barely being able to raise his voice any louder. He felt a tired emptiness, this was the last thing he had wanted to happen.

“That’s all you have to say to me.” You rounded on him again, angry tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

“No - I -” He stuttered, then closed his eyes, inhaling slowly, “I just don’t think we should talk things through whilst you’re angry -” He saw you about to interject, when he raised his hands. “You have every right to be. That’s not what I’m saying. I think we should wait to talk about it so we don’t say things we are going to regret later.” Max could feel his throat constricting, he was battling to keep his emotions at bay.

You sniffed and nodded slowly, placing your head in your hands - hot tears escaping and shoulders tensed.

Max swallowed thickly, his eyes swimming with tears. He made a move and after no interruption left the room. He had only made it to the stairs before he collapsed, the fatigue getting the better of him. He was such an idiot, a fact he was certainly aware of now, how could he have let things get this bad. Did that make him a selfish person?

He couldn’t hold it in any longer, a harsh sob escaping from his mouth - fingers shaking and his head a loud mess.

As soon as Max had left the room, you had gotten up to get some water - when you paused, a sound catching your attention - a deep sounding sob. You waited, a line appeared between your brows. Slowly and carefully, you inched towards the door - waiting with baited breath for the sound again.

It was coming from the stairs and there was only one person it could be. Regret instantly pooled in the pit of your stomach, you hadn’t meant for him to cry. You were just so angry and he needed to know that.

“Max.” You called out softly, unsurprisingly there was no response. You went in the direction of the stairs and hunched over in front of you was your boyfriend - attempting to stifle his sobs. You rushed forwards, placing your arms around his shoulders and pulled his body into yours. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around your waist. You kissed the top of his head, stroking his hair as he continued to cry - you allowed him to empty his emotions out; some tears of your own betraying you entirely.

“I’m sorry, I really am.” Came a muffled voice. Pausing, you released your hold of him and placed your hands either side of his face - offering him a watery smile. Then, using your sleeves you wiped his tears away - he watched your every move, waiting for you to say something. When you didn’t, he braced himself - lips trembling; he knew it was now or never. He had to tell you how he really felt.

“I’m not good enough.” He stated simply, his eyes glossy. Your forehead furrowed. “I’m never going to be good enough to take the championship, I’m going to let everyone down. Everyone that has ever believed in me - it doesn’t matter what I do, how much work I put in - I’m never good enough. And you -” He paused, meeting your gaze, a lump forming in the back of your throat. “I keep letting you down, time and time again. I was the one who caused this, I’m never going to be good enough for you.”

“If you believe that -” You began, kissing the newly formed tears away, “Then I will eat your race shoe.” You moved to sit next to him on the stairs, pulling him into your side. “Why didn’t you tell me that’s how you felt.”

You felt Max shrug, the side of his head resting on yours. “I didn’t want to burden you with all of my problems, you already put up with so much.”

“I will always have time for you, Max.” Grasping his hand in yours, “You are enough, you are more than enough. You are Max Verstappen, the fastest, strongest guy I know.” You chuckled lightly, “I know it may sometimes feel like that and that’s ok. You are putting yourself through so much - maybe, it’s time to give some consideration for your personal life. It’s unhealthy to work all of the time - then we run into issues like these.” You spoke softly, almost whispering but you could tell he was hanging onto every word you spoke. “I love you, Max. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You admitted, turning your head to look at him. He chewed on his bottom lip, processing your words.

“I love you too, more than anything.” He murmured, placing his forehead on yours. You lifted your head slightly to leave a soft kiss on his nose, earning the corners of his lips to quirk up.

Closing your eyes, you relished being in his arms again, to have him close to you. You had missed it. You had missed him. Both of you knew you had a lot to work through, that it wouldn’t simply disappear but both of you were going to do it together. Hand in hand. And that was more than enough.