#and until then i just need to be a Normal Person About Everything if i feel like it or not
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
ONLY NEED ME - Spencer Reid x Reader
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/486fae44685181a6f32f68768c069e74/e3c2ba5df098d704-89/s540x810/3e23dd68e32a4d551d0c8f2288de7ff29be492a0.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/06bfafc4459f3d55a4ac2ed51fe8fab6/e3c2ba5df098d704-1c/s540x810/0cd454172c5181ffd5eeeb9c1c71bf7870bdd029.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d1644bbb381eaba9775dd5c8b1b19c98/e3c2ba5df098d704-cc/s540x810/59ecdfedc3bba60516ddffc3086979fa3049c2fe.jpg)
About: You were scrolling on your phone, swiping left and right on tinder to find a date. Spencer finds you scrolling on your phone and asks what you’re doing. So you tell him you are looking for someone to hookup with. He decides to show you that you don’t need anyone but him.
Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, oral (f), pussy drunk Spencer, jealous spencer
Word Count: 2.4k
A/N: happy valentine‘s day my little sluts. although this isn’t valentine’s day themed, let’s pretend that it is lol. i hope you guys enjoy!
It was a rare day when there were no cases and yet, you were still required to come into work, just in case something happened. Usually, these days consisted of paperwork, going over recently solved cases to ensure nothing was missed and that everything had followed protocol. But for a team that is so action-based, having to do paperwork was entirely boring for everyone except Spencer, who was engrossed at his desk, the one across from yours, reading every file intently.
Meanwhile, you were sitting at your desk, mindlessly scrolling on your phone. It had been a long time since you had sex. With your line of work, it’s hard to find time to do anything outside the realm of your job. So you were doing what any normal person would do nowadays: resort to dating apps. You were scrolling on Tinder, mindlessly swiping left and right on people you thought were and weren’t attractive. You stopped at a certain profile, trying to decide if someone was cute or not and if you’d actually be willing to have them in your pants.
JJ walked past your desk and glanced at your phone. “Oh? Who’s this?” She asked, standing next to your chair.
You glanced at JJ before looking back at your phone. “Some random guy,” You said, showing her your phone. “Do you think he’s cute?”
JJ shook her head no, a small grimace on your face. “You can do much better, sweetheart,” She said, her grimace becoming a smile. “Are you finally looking to meet someone?”
You laughed, shaking your head no. “I’m just looking to get dick,” you replied bluntly, giving JJ a cheeky grin.
JJ laughed, nodding her head. “I get it,” she said, sighing. “Will and I haven’t had our alone time in weeks,” She rolled her eyes.
You pout in sympathy before swiping away the guy on your phone. “Do you want to help me look for the perfect person?” You asked.
JJ nodded her head, grabbed a random chair, and pulled it up to your desk. “Hell yeah, give it to me,” She grinned as she looked over your shoulder at your phone.
Unbeknownst to you and JJ, Spencer, though his attention looked as though it were on the files, had a frown on his face. To anyone, it would look as though he were deep in thought. But actually, it was due to listening in on your conversation with JJ. Why did you have to resort to some stupid dating app? Shouldn’t you know better than to trust random strangers on the internet? That’s like kind of what your job is about. Spencer felt a gross feeling in his chest, something he hadn’t felt before. Perhaps he’s been attracted to you since you joined the team some time ago and the idea of you seeking someone else for pleasure made him jealous. Not that he’d actively admit that.
As you and JJ sat there, talking and giggling with one another about random people you see on your phone, Spener bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his attention on the files in front of him. His jaw was clenched, and his hair tousled all over the place. It wasn’t until it was finally time for everyone to go home that he could get some peace and quiet. As everyone, including you, exited the bullpen to go home, Spencer remained alone with his thoughts for a little while longer.
He thought about you going on a date with some random person. How you’d get yourself all dolled up and beautiful for some random loser who likely wouldn’t even know where the clitoris is. Spencer may not have the most experience in the world but he definitely knows where the clitoris is located. He groaned to himself, realizing that his jealousy was consuming him. He rubbed his eyes before sitting back in his chair. And then, Spencer came to a sudden realization, causing him to quickly stand up and grab his satchel before leaving the Bureau.
You were in your apartment, sitting on your couch as you looked through the television channels. You were dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, your hair mostly dry but still a bit damp from the shower you took when you had gotten home from work. You were originally going to see about possibly going on a date tonight but instead, you opted to stay home, too exhausted to really want to go out and meet anyone.
You didn’t particularly care to actually date anyone. Your desires are always laid elsewhere, with a very specific coworker you had. And unfortunately, you could not have this specific coworker as it would break so many Bureau rules. But you were allowed to have your thoughts, thank you very much. And if those thoughts included thinking of Spencer pounding into you and whispering praises into your ear then that was your own volition.
It was currently eight o’clock in the evening when there was a knock on your apartment door. You glanced at the clock before standing up from the couch and walking to the door. You looked out of the peephole, seeing Spencer standing there looking a bit disheveled. You opened the door, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion as you looked at the brown-haired man in front of you. “Spencer…?” You asked. “What are you-”
“You know, some people use dating apps to target potential victims for violence or sexual assault,” Spencer interrupted you. “Which is why you shouldn’t use dating apps.”
Your look of confusion remained on your face. “You know, that could’ve been a text,” you replied sarcastically.
Spencer bit his lip, looking at you. “Maybe,” he replied. He looked you up and down, taking in your appearance. You were always so beautiful at work, dressed in mostly professional, sometimes casual clothing with light makeup on your face. But right now, you were ethereal. Dressed in lounging clothes with your hair perfectly natural and no makeup on your face. At that moment, Spencer didn’t understand why you even bothered to get yourself dressed up each day when you were perfect just the way you were.
“Why are you here?” You asked softly, noticing the way Spencer was looking at you. You didn’t question it, however.
Spencer remained silent for a few seconds, trying to think of a proper response to give you. He hadn’t completely thought this through when he made the sudden decision to visit you. Finally, he spoke, “Do you want me to leave?”
You shook your head. “No!” You responded immediately. “I just- I’m surprised you’re here is all.” You bit your lip nervously. You hadn’t invited Spencer in yet and that had suddenly dawned on you. You moved to the side, allowing Spencer to step inside before closing the door behind him. You leaned against the door, looking at Spencer as he turned to look at you.
“You shouldn’t resort to dating apps,” He spoke. You furrowed your eyebrows at Spencer, confused as to why he would come here just to tell you that. Just as you were about to respond, Spencer cut you off by speaking once more. “Not when I could help you.”
“What?” Your voice came out more hoarse than you intended.
Spencer cleared his throat, the only sign that his confidence had slightly diminished. “If you need someone to pleasure you, you don’t need to use dating apps when I’m right here,” he said again, rewording his earlier statement.
“Are you saying you want to have sex with me, Spencer?” You whispered, biting your bottom lip.
Spencer moved closer to you until he was right in front of you. “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he murmured, licking his lips. “Is that okay?”
“Y-yes,” you stuttered.
Spencer nodded his head. A silence overcame the two of you before he spoke again, “I’m going to kiss you now.”
“Okay,” you responded.
Spencer leaned in and gently kissed your lips. It was nervous and hesitant, as if unsure if you’d actually want to kiss him or not. But when you kissed him back, Spencer became more sure of himself as he kissed you deeply. He brought his hands to your cheeks, cupping them. The two of you moved in sync, kissing one another slowly. Eventually, Spencer pulled away slightly to look into your eyes as you stared back at him. The gaze the two of you had held a hunger that neither of you had admitted to yourselves in the entire time you’d been working together.
Spencer kissed you again, this time more roughly and hungrily. A soft noise escaped your lips from the roughness but it wasn’t unwelcome whatsoever. As the two of you kissed, you gently pushed him around the apartment to try and get to the bedroom. Spencer accidentally bumped into a side table, causing a vase to fall to the ground but luckily it didn’t break. “Whoops,” he said, pulling away from the kiss to look at it.
You put a hand on his chin. “Don’t worry about it,” you said as you pulled his face back to yours. The two of you continued moving throughout the apartment until you reached your bedroom. Spencer’s lips left yours and began kissing your jawline, making his way down to your neck. His touch was like feathers as he lightly kissed along your skin. His lips brushed against your pulse point, sending a shiver down your spine and causing you to clench your thighs. An action that wasn’t missed by Spencer.
“Needy?” He asked against your skin.
You nodded your head. “Very,” you whispered.
Spencer let out a hum as his hands moved to the hem of your shirt. He slowly pulled the material up, moving his head away from your neck so he could pull it off of you and tossing it to the side. You weren’t wearing a bra and Spencer couldn’t help but just look at you. “Can I touch you?” He breathed out, eyes locked on your tits.
“Yes, please,” You replied breathily.
He didn’t hesitate to use both of his hands to massage your tits, feeling the flesh in his hands. He thumbed your nipples, causing you to moan softly at the feeling. “You know, some women can orgasm just from having their nipples stimulated,” he murmured, eyes fixated on your breasts.
You let out a small laugh. “I don’t think I’m one of those people,” you exclaimed.
Spencer let out a hum as he leaned down and captured one of your nipples into his mouth. The action caused you to let out a whine as he tongued the nub, his hands still massaging your boobs. He moved to the other nipple, doing the exact same thing. Your cheeks were warm as felt the sparks of pleasure being sent down your spine. Eventually, Spencer pulled away, pressing gentle kisses along your chest before returning up your neck and to your lips.
He guided you to your mattress, sitting you down at the edge of the bed as he pulled away from you. You looked up at Spencer, watching Spencer as he got on his knees in front of you. “Do you want me to continue?” He asked softly.
You licked your lips, nodding your head. “Yes, please,” you murmured.
And that’s all Spencer needed to put his hands on the waistband of your sweatpants and pull them down, tossing the material to the side. You weren’t wearing underwear underneath, causing Spencer to let out a soft hum of approval. “I want to taste you,” he said, looking at you with his puppy brown eyes.
“Please do.” You whispered, biting your lip as you spread your legs for Spencer, revealing your cunt to him.
He let out a groan, his eyes immediately moving to look at your glistening pussy. Without hesitation, Spencer dived in, licking a strip down your slit and then back up, causing you to moan. Spencer hummed against your cunt, his eyes fluttering closed as he tasted you. His tongue began lapping around in figure-eights, teasing your clit with each flick. If you had told yourself that your night would end up with Spencer on his knees, eating you out, you would’ve laughed. And yet, here you were.
Spencer made out with your cunt, his lips moving against your pussy like you were the sustenance he needed to live. His lips wrapped around your clit, sucking on the nub. You let out a loud moan, bringing your hand to Spencer’s hair and tugging on his curls. The action alone caused Spencer to whimper against your cunt as it encouraged him more.
You were whining and moaning, relishing in the pleasure Spencer was giving you. No one had gone down on you in so long and you had almost forgotten what it had felt like. But Spencer? He was built for this. His face was sculpted to eat pussy. If you could live with Spencer’s head between your thighs for the rest of your life, you think you’d die a happy woman.
“Oh my god,” you whimpered, throwing your head back. Spencer hummed against your pussy, his tongue dipping into your hole while his nose rubbed against your clit. He was breathing in your cunt, drunk on your juices. You could feel yourself getting closer, causing you to buck your hips. “I’m gonna cum,” you whined. With a slurp to your clit, you gasped and let out a choked moan, thighs clamping against Spencer’s face as you arched your back. “Spencer!” you moaned his name as you came.
And when you finished, Spencer pulled away from your pussy. His face was glistening with your juices as he looked at you with a smirk. “You’re so beautiful,” he said huskily as he gently rubbed your thighs. “Did I do good?”
“So good,” you breathed out, smiling at Spencer.
“Then you don’t need anyone else, right?” He asked, standing up.
“I only need you, baby.” You replied, looking up at Spencer with a dazed look. “Now fuck me.”
Spencer grinned, undressing himself before crawling onto you. “Gladly.”
And after that, you begin a new journey with Spencer where you explore each other’s bodies. Why do you need to use dating apps when all you need is Spencer?
#criminal minds#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds smut#criminals minds x reader#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#criminal minds x you#criminal minds x reader
623 notes
·
View notes
Text
modern!sevika - cute/silly hcs
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/daab60cabdf3c7f2509709442223b434/71cb4ddf46dde08a-18/s540x810/892dda77d9d35d92fd2338b165add42307a1a0cb.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f23fb1eb5b39faf4535b68e9fcc8ac74/71cb4ddf46dde08a-5b/s540x810/6fa58c2627cf9e52d15f1370b78ddd55cf550e53.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c127f303f54ff27b652502d5c19dfedd/71cb4ddf46dde08a-3a/s540x810/8bdfed40e55e2fcafede36a964b8c177348bfa74.jpg)
(that picture,, shes so precious jdhjfsdhnd)
will walk confidently into the room and stand there staring blankly, completely forgetting what she came in there for. sees you and gives you a kiss on the forehead. leaves. 5 seconds later she comes back, grabs her prosthetic arm, and walks out again
lowkey likes when it snows and the streets are icy because that gives her an excuse to make you hang onto her arm in order not to slip (she never slips)
rarely dreams, and when she does it's mostly nightmares, but sometimes she sleep talks the most random things. you wake up to hear her mumbling something like "the chicken is crisper when it's burnt, but i don't want your oil." will also answer you in her sleep if you ask her follow-up questions. remembers none of it in the morning.
or she'll just swear in her native language and you've picked up enough Hindi to wonder whose mother she is cursing.
gets car ad jingles stuck in her head periodically and is always humming something under her breath as she works or vacuums or whatever
has incredible navigational skills when walking or taking public transport but somehow gets lost every time she drives. google maps is the bane of her existence.
falls asleep in front of the TV at 9:30 sharp like a middle aged dad. i mean the TV could be on full blast, in the middle of a climactic action scene and she's knocked out snoring. but when you wake her up to get her into bed she will not be able to fall back asleep until well past midnight
whenever she sneezes and you automatically say "bless you" she NEVER FAILS to give you a deadpan look and say "i am not blessed."
will cackle at bad jokes long after you stop even pretending to find them funny
she's an unwilling morning person. always up early but never happy about it.
when she's stressed she just disappears and fixes something. one time she replaced all the handles of every sink in the house
reads almost exclusively non-fiction books on mechanics, neuroscience, and roman history.
has awful hearing and makes you repeat yourself 23 times every time you say something to her from another room...
...but then gets irritated if someone makes her do the same thing.
loses everything somehow. her keys. her glasses. her arm. her left boot. her books. her other boot. her wallet.
(and she never fails to give you a heart attack about it. she'd say in the most casual fuckin voice, "i swear my wallet was just here." and you take off searching for it only for her to find it in her pocket)
sometimes you have cozy nights in together: bake cookies, burn incense, smoke a joint. she is extremely sweet when she's high. she can't stop giving you little kisses all over and tells you huskily that you're the best thing that ever happened to her.
but also in her normal state she has a habit of bluntly saying things that hurt you unintentionally. like when you need her to give emotional reassurance, but she gives you a stone cold solution instead.
she's learned this hurts you and tries to watch her words. not always successfully, but you know she tries.
will never touch social media and no amount of teasing, begging, persuading, cajoling will get her to change her mind.
does not particularly like kids but has a sixth sense when it comes to looking after them. like one time at a family barbecue she caught the little kid of your relative when he fell off a tree branch, single-handedly, purely by instinct. he might have broken a bone otherwise or worse. she becomes something of a local legend for that event.
has the funniest bedhead in the mornings like her hair sticks out everywhere. you want to take a picture and use it as her contact pfp but you also don't want to die
will do the taxes with ease but she's uncomfortable with customer service phone calls. every time you need to contact an agency about something she stands next to you like a nervous kid while you argue with the sales representative.
drinks way too much caffeinated tea and coffee. refuses to cut back on caffeine because of the withdrawal headaches.
will trip over literally anything. and bump into everything. never feels nor remembers where the bruises come from. kicks doors shut and flings them open and always breaks the hinges. she doesn't do this intentionally, she just forgets her own physical strength.
#in another life i would have loved to just do laundry and taxes with you"#i'm so tired#i love her tiredly#sevika#sevika arcane#sevika x reader#sevika x you#sevika headcanon#sevika imagine#sevika fluff
469 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why Hotguy (Probably) Isn't Possessed: A DDVAU Post
.... Or at least why it would be a bit biased to say that is the case right off the bat just cause the blorbo said something you really didn't like.
(NOTE: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR DDVAU) (Also the images I've used are all from the comic, go take a look either on Tumblr or Webtoons)
Part 1: Would This Face Lie To You?
Yes. Because everyone has the capacity to lie, and Scar canonically has a silver tongue. Look at 3rd Life and try to tell me otherwise. I will laugh at you.
But the difference is framing. In 3rd Life and nearly everywhere else this silver tongue of Scar's is used, it's in a silly white lie way at best and simply to win a game at worst. Hell, even in other works I've seen it's primarily used to benefit others, not himself.
For this reason (among others that vary from person to person that I won't elaborate on here cause that's complicated), it becomes much easier to believe that Scar here isn't acting normal. He's tapping into his cunning side with much more ruthlessness than we're used to seeing from him normally, and thus we grasp for any other option. Not only that, but the Motherspore Incident gives us the perfect excuse for his behavior, especially with what is said at the end.
Was the target truly Grian, or were they trying to get at Hotguy? We won't know for sure until later, but the idea of him getting possessed is something for the copium to take advantage of, and as such it does so.
(Even for me. I have almost an entire two-monitor screenshot in which I copypasted almost every detailed Hotguy face to analyze and make a decision based on the expressions compared to the latest volume. This I will get into in the part dedicated to his expressions and why they matter for both sides of the argument.)
Either way, assuming someone who is known for using that silver tongue of his to get what he wants isn't doing that of his own free will, even if it feels unkind or out of character at first glance, isn't exactly the smartest thing.
Part 2: The "Pragmatic" Approach Is Not Kind
Aka, "local utilitarian explains the logic behind being a dick in this scenario", or "devil's advocate except the supposed devil is just a blorbo getting into real blackmail".
So, let's first consider Hotguy's primary options for how he could've taken that interrogation, and their effects. I'll list these in order of action taken against Grian for simplicity's sake:
Leave Grian alone entirely. At first, this looks like the best option. Grian needs time to heal, and Hotguy just barging on in like that is stressful at best for someone who'd just been told he got possessed and tried to kill people. But this temporary peace would come with consequences. With no one to tell the public otherwise, Grian would likely get arrested for hiding his status as a mutant from the government. So this one is simply not worth it.
Reason with Grian. This is the option most likely expected from Hotguy before the page rolled around. It gives him a chance to exercise the softer side of his silver tongue a bit more, and is a significantly less aggressive way of trying to get the information he needs to protect the public. The issue with this is that Grian is not cooperative. He does not like Hotguy very much, and definitely would give as little information as he possibly can to what is basically a cop. "Everything you say can and will be used against you," and all that jazz. He's also pretty much immune to Hotguy's charm, so being niceys won't change that. Essentially, no matter what way he goes about it he's going to have to deal in something that Grian actually cares about.
Blackmail Grian. This is the choice Hotguy made, and he didn't sugarcoat it very much either. I'm thinking the reason he did could be related to how he knew simply reasoning with Grian wouldn't work; had he really gone in with the honeyed words, Grian would've told him to cut the bullshit even sooner. This, while more visibly putting Grian in a spot of bother, isn't actually that much more dangerous for him than the other options. I've already explained why the first option actually sucks, and the second option relies on Grian trusting Hotguy (which he doesn't). It also gives Hotguy two things simultaneously: information (his priority), and keeping his friend out of jail (so long as he cooperates, which he has). The second thing may or may not be important to him, but it's still an added bonus. This is the option in which Hotguy is guaranteed to get the most information about the incident.
Turn Grian in immediately. If you hadn't realized there was a worse option than 3 then surprise! There is! This is the option that I believe would actually be out of character for Hotguy. Even if he wanted Grian imprisoned for whatever reason, his priority would still be to get information, nothing else. And there's no guarantee Grian would tell absolutely anything in custody, let alone anything about the incident. It would take potentially blackmailing him here to do it, and that feels like a step too far. Hotguy only needs information, and he knows stigma too well to truly take part in it, especially if it probably won't net him what he needs. So, not that option either.
In all, Hotguy's choice was the only one that could truly get him the yield he wanted: information on the attack in hopes he could prevent any further ones. Do I think he went too far? Yes. Absolutely. He should've stopped with his threats the moment he stopped asking actual questions about the incident. There was no reason (in my opinion) to continue with them.
But for the most part, I believe this isn't a man possessed, just a cop seeking intel. Speaking of.....
Part 3: "Duty"
Sorry guys, superheroes funded by the government are technically cops. This makes Hotguy a cop. Your blorbo is a cop.
In all seriousness, Hotguy does in fact have a job, and as such it is his duty to protect the citizens of the city from the bad and such, blah blah blah. This includes Grian, since he was possessed by the bad and not the bad itself (as such that makes him a victim).
The question, however, remains. "How best does one protect an entire city?" I've answered this already with Hotguy's highest priority in the interaction with Grian: information. To get this information while protecting the most citizens, he must threaten or harm at least one no matter what he does. Because simple threats harm the least, his answer is to threaten two for the sake of maximizing the future harm reduced.
It is, once again, a utilitarian stance on things. But if your goal isn't to be strict to the rules, that's how choices should be made: Not with biases, but with thought given to all options and all those affected.
Now, does his duty state he should be that much of an ass? No, but I already went over this. "He made the best overall choice but he should've been more considerate." It doesn't get much simpler than that.
Part 4: Expression And Tone - The Other Argument
Here we go. This is what originally inspired the making of this post, as an argument for the side that claimed Scar was possessed.
The reason behind it? I'd noticed a significant shift in Hotguy's expressions even without going through each individual page. As someone who cannot read body language for shit usually, this was a pretty significant indicator that something was wrong for me.
Upon further inspection and reflection, this isn't quite the cause for alarm I'd thought it was, but it's still one of the better arguments for Scar being possessed so I'll elaborate.
Before the Motherspore Incident, each of Hotguy's expressions that were close enough to the camera to be drawn properly showed at least one eye through his visor. There is exactly ONE exception to this in my eyes, and even that one can fit in with my claim here: Hotguy's action shot in Chapter 7.
Here, the panel is big enough that if it was any regular panel it would likely show his eyes, but the visor is too small to really draw good eyes for the panel here, not to mention it would probably take away from the composition. But that's not what's important here; that honor goes to the fact that this is the only instance of a bigger panel in which Hotguy's eyes are not shown.
.... Up until Motherspore, that is.
Here, this makes sense: The eye in the first one would get in the way of the text, and in the second one his hair is covering his visor. The third is an action shot, similar to the one in Chapter 7. These make sense.
But then... something shifts once the fight is over and Hotguy carries Grian out. Once he reaches the outside, the amount of times we see his eyes, his expression? TWO.
Both are heavily simplified, with specific intent on making his expression clear on a small panel, but in every other panel from that point on in the chapter show him with the visor covering his expression.
And that's when we get into Chapters 14 and 15. This is when the shift becomes obvious. Instead of all his expressions on large enough panels showing at least one of his eyes, instead we're given almost the exact opposite.
This is the only. I repeat. The ONLY larger panel in which both his eyes are shown (when he has the visor on) since the end of Motherspore.
It's almost the only panel in the entirety of the chapter like that, but there's a singular smaller panel here with both his eyes:
That's it. Everything else has the way his expressions interacting with his visor the exact opposite way from the entire rest of the story so far.
This is why I thought he was, in fact, possessed at first. It was such a dramatic change that, when you don't consider the other reasons why this could be the case, it feels wrong. It feels like he could be possessed.
Especially if you consider this as related to it:
It just feels, if you compile everything together and build that argument, as something that could be plausible.
Plausible, not guaranteed. But plausible nonetheless.
But what could go against this? The tone.
Because, before Motherspore, this whole thing had a much more lighthearted tone. Hotguy had a much more lighthearted tone. Then he has to handle Motherspore. Then, the public, after a fight that made him require backup (true backup, unlike what we see from Cuteguy).
He puts on a mask to the public. That's what happened at the end of Chapter 13.
And then again, when facing Grian. He cannot slip up, cannot let Grian notice who he is or even consider it. He puts on a mask to ensure he can get what he wants safely. That's why we only see his eyes open behind his visor the one time, when Grian cannot look at his face.
He's taking a page from Cuteguy's book, in a way. Not the newest trick in any book, but I figure y'all'd like the connection.
Part 5: In Conclusion
Is Scar possessed? No, probably not. There's always a chance, but it's more likely that everyone got a bit blindsided by the cutthroat way Hotguy handled interrogations.
Remember that characters can make bad or mean decisions! Even if that character is meant to be a good guy, they still can make these choices, mistake or not. Sometimes, it's the best decision they can make. And sometimes, they just went about it in a way they probably shouldn't've.
Either way Hotguy's going to pay in spades by however Cuteguy's going to handle meeting him again, probably.
Bonus: All those copypasted Hotguy faces, for your enjoyment and my going bonkers insane
(There are no notes written down here because I am bonkers on the level that my brain moves too fast to type it all down.)
(ONCE AGAIN, the images I've used are all from the comic, go take a look either on Tumblr or Webtoons)
#wildyspeaks#longpost#ddvau#ddvau hotguy#desert duo vigilante au#ddvau grian#ddvau theory#this took me 4 and a half hours to finish guys#please read it I nearly forgot my homework for this#going to pass out now methinks#nini y'all#ddvau spoilers
19 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello... please consider... yakumo in:
the classic traditional style qipaos
the modernised and modified ones
bonus: modified hanfu
he would look wonderful wouldn't he? all the more delectable and sashimiable?
ahaha...ahah...AHAHHAH.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
#feesh answer#the more i scrolled the more manic laughter leaked out of my face. exolkoiddeploded really#i had no images to accurately convey my emotion. so i had to make one#BEHOLD! MY PHOTO COLLAGE SKILLS!!!!!!🤣#did you really just have yakumo-coloured outfits ready and waiting somewhere in your storage??!#your curation feels like a personal attack even tho i know you just out here doin things for You#me normally: i want the most obnoxious ridiculous over the top colour combo and clashing finalfantasia10000belts mess----#me now: ok but there's something about that 3rd modern one. it's. so simple. but. i. but i......#i need him to be cute and helpful in the traditional ones. i want him walking around in the garden just sniffing pretty flowers#wait no i want him in one of th emodified ones just absolutely DESTROYING eiden's ---#waiT no I want him IN THE FLOWING ETERNALGARMENTS WITH HIS GLOWY EYES AND SOBBING POSSESSED DEMEANOUR BUT NOT ACTUALLY POSSESSED#so just glowing and crying. got it#WAIT NO-#god it's like all the things i used to be meh about or go 'what kinda character design is this'#now i'll see it on yaku and it's.....well......#those maiden buns? the lil twin baobao or whatever? hated thsoe things forever and always#then someone will put em on yakumo and suddenly everything is fine#WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THE LIL. ORBS ON HIS HEAD. I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE WHO WEARS THEM.#ONLY LITTLE GIRLIES. IS IT INAPPROPRIATE TO GIVE YAKU THE BUNS#BUT I. IF HE DOESN'T WEAR HIS HAIR LIKE THAT.#i will straihjtt up put steamed buns on his head#and force him to stay still and balance them#until i finish eating them all#it's a game of pile bread on the snake#i will require a stepladder#nu carnival yakumo
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just got a rude reminder about how great it is to never have children/ be an only child.
There's too much drama involved with dying, apparently.
#when grandaddy died. everyone was arguing over this and that. speaking over his widow and trying to plan his funeral instead of her and his#two daughters. three people who truly knew and listened to him. My mom was almost forced out of the first row at the funeral service by her#step brothers. mom and I got cheated out of things that were bequethed to us. and there was a lot of fighting.#my brother died and his son wanted some ashes. Momma didn't know until it was too late bc my nephews mom and her family wanted to start shit#he was not allowed to come with us to the graveyard. they forced him to leave before he could speak for himself.#some old man just died and my mom's friend (who made herself the center of attention at my brother's funeral) just called bitching and#cussin about some body shooting a dog and starting all kinds of shit over dogs and land and all that jazz like#and watching Dallas... both J.R. Ewings are obsessed with money. land. succession. and inheritance. and they always start trouble over that#Miss Ellie's brother came around bc he was dying and wanted to spend his last days with his sister while Jock and Jr started shit about land#ownership. Garrison didn't want Sourhfork even though HE inherited the ranch like. bro#how am I the only normal person in this shitshow?? I have Bipolar AuDHD!?!?!?! I halluncinate! BRO!!#death#inheritance#succession#family drama#ugh#tbh#even if my brother was alive I feel like there would be less drama between him and I.#I think I'd just take what I wanted and leave the rest with him. Is that what Mama wants? Absolutely not...#but I don't care. We can't take anything with us when we go. It'll all end up in a dump. antique shop. or collector's house anyway#none of it matters#most people never leave a mark on the world and THAT'S OKAY! we don't have to be remarkable to have worth right now#everyone will die when it's time for them to... no need to kick up a fuss.#the land might end up ruined or sold to the government or developed into something amazing. so what?#you're dead! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT!! that's the beauty of it all!#the shortness. the finality of it all. Life's too short for bullshit. You gotta party like it's your last day. every day.#one of the most rebellious things we can do in the fave of facism is to live true and unbothered (i know it's difficult)#if They want to suffer. They can. Don't submit in advance! I believe in Hope. It's all we have#I'll get my top surgery in time. I'll make my transition! I'll pick a name!! I believe in a future where We can live happier!#because I love humanity! I love the Earth and everything she has to offer. The endless beauty of living in spite of it all
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2e91ca8bfd35eb9251802ebb646514ed/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-71/s540x810/038986565a9633d44e09af26f52ed18f17e0f8d6.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8f7a3854c2fe53a3e44fa43b892d0fb3/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-b5/s540x810/ec7fcbc7ff40b53662a794a96e29bdf1d67f3573.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b5d4fe39e3b73473c2b13fed2486f8eb/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-50/s540x810/d970a897402ff207cfd4cfddd43b23786e6476c9.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/eff39e995279dc9187561ecd74958b76/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-22/s540x810/1a1f220e2be501f6189e408b22234f16484d3a95.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/17a85e1b876c87b5129873a855c38705/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-ec/s540x810/a76960f97a75bb8e1a0a9df379a7bcd64ea1454b.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d865d1c1b3d05c1e4e5847045951b9ee/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-ae/s540x810/89874a890a58c499367beecb15cc9018446427b0.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d2180605a55b2f3889425498c72fe6c2/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-db/s540x810/5dd29e7f1142311b3cacd88dede0a83cf000708b.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4dbf380379e87d9c2764c5ad6e8316a6/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-a7/s540x810/fe27b367ea0eeb3e03100558ff92be30e75057cf.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4e5390bd2f0ae5e92bae869e6ea7da53/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-15/s540x810/79240460fc4d94b2ba7eef0f46956982c31794aa.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/77f58bf99abcd348fa130e0c1e189827/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-3c/s500x750/174c97866b28a7b397afd325950534bece1f4231.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0f26d3576639a68fbb4e50094b96767e/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-72/s540x810/5730dff7c67d802ae464ba89e0ef9e2abcb77c79.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4862bcf2eb42d64601dc7875e953c2e0/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-62/s500x750/1da9cb4cbfe6acbe953f9a65eeca993e4aee5d25.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/373d062d7ef8260eeaddc22a70932fac/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-bc/s540x810/902bb808c68d63ee8779fb4cd12e6245295842fa.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1f66b0ea80abcd9cb05f1ee7593bee72/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-c3/s540x810/c2ce3c262162f274811e0f214149c5291ea2f7c3.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9480a360c56873f515d36d21d360c64e/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-b6/s540x810/e9847d9c0d148db8b080a35f956115c87f0246ff.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c24aa97e4027825d891f7f13015bfb6d/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-5c/s540x810/fc7a4e9f9af38fc0962344be8adba8e5583e4d8b.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f7dae0ba6df044ba5be94b32d235bf4f/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-39/s540x810/12566fee6294de45f483366ab17c740b407febb8.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/389450fa231d5277b93542cd8247e1b6/cb747c48a1fe8b9b-c2/s540x810/39128335acabf115487068d35c142725ef3ac9b8.jpg)
Substance, Shadow, and Spirit [remixed, abridged] by Tao Yuanming
#liv in the replies#patrice bergeron#boston bruins#brad marchand#do you ever think about how brad marchand said that when bergy retired he would retire or are you capable of normal thought i'm not at all#please say a gratitude for both my sanity& y'all that this poem (which has been saved in my camera roll with the vague idea of using it for#??? long) & not one of the poems i had saved for carey for a really long time & remixed & everything with another poem until i found a poem#that absolutely murdered me in cold blood but there is an alternate universe where i did& then had to explain my unhinged thoughts to you.#anyway how are we feeling about bergy retirement. pspspspsp sara & luna are y'all doing okay like. the doc title for this one was#patrice the hockey player means a lot to me but patrice the person means so much more#which is why the end line of the other poem was so *%"@^)! (you love / what you are) because patrice does. like he is a whole ass good huma#& now since no one asked i need to tell you all the details about everything also y'all please clap i made an edit with NO baby pictures#although i did find one & save it & minimal genres of photo i always use in edits because they're my taste & aesthetic but anyway.#when i saved the first photo and marked it as one i wanted i accidentally wrote “how will he know they love him” which is not the line but#makes me feel feral about patrice & the rest of them all had hurtful names too but also. the third picture is literally a CELLY like brad#just scored a goal & he is clinging to bergy for dear life with that shit i saved that as “oh the agony on his face for unendurable”#& yes it is one of my cliches to have a draft day picture but in my defense the lifelong bond that patrice has/d with boston deserved to be#there even if i put in the love story & YES that picture is from the 2011 playoff right below it shared joy & pain & i couldn't tell you#when the brad marchy photo for together forever is except for the fact that i saw it & just the gut punch of oh my god the way he looks at#things men will praise you for is the stanley cup. duh. but i love the contrast of “some deed” being the stanley cup but then#bergy's choice to do noble deeds (ends up still earning praise &that's my note to his efforts outside of hockey we love a supportive captai#should also mention the first two i came up with & had the photos i knew i wanted for were the first and last one alskaldk but i KNEW i#wanted chara somewhere in the paragraph about leaving & then while i was looking found the one of bergy playing tuukka on accident & yes#i do have to make goalie jokes every time. no reprieve . no dice/no deal/no goal goalies have no rest/reprieve etc etc the one that killed#me though was looking for a patrice award pic & i wanted basically the one that i got for “how will you know any will praise you” & instead#also got the picture of patrice winning the some community hero award for charity work that he does & i love him mama & of COURSE that puck#is from bergy's 1000 game who do you think I am (if you guessed sleepy and emotional about patrice you'd be right) and ALSO please be ready#for all the patrice posts/bruins posts that have been sitting in my drafts to be released on this occasion of patrice retirement#I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT TUUKKA ALSO RETIRED THAT’S WHY HE WAS ON WISE OR SIMPLE NO REPRIEVE AND THAT LATE OR SOON WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE#CHARA BECAUSE CHARA LEFT FIRST TO GO TO THE CAPS AND THEN LEFT IN RETIRMENT HE LEFT SOON BUT NOT FOR REAL THEN LATER LEFT FOR REAL (RETIRED)
53 notes
·
View notes
Text
Had this moment of extreme anger and aggression out of nowhere and ended up hurting myself and then i wrote about it, went out to get some coffee, chatted w the coffee lady for 5 minutes, watched an episode of amphibia and now i feel weirdly refreshed and hopeful about life and the future??
#self harm cw#idk if i consider it sh because i really just slapped my thigh a bunch of times until it bruised a little#like there's no blood nothing serious happened i just wanted to break something#then i found a bunch of scrap paper and i tore it to shreds before i did anything stupid with the scissors on my desk#looking forward to this tattoo appointment so bad. i'm hoping to 1) get something so pretty it will make me happy and calm me down#whenever i look at it 2) to get something to pretty in my left forearm that it will stop me from doing anything to it to not risk ruining it#and 3) hopefully feeling all that pain will like... discharge everything in one go so i won't want to hurt myself again for some time#thinking about all the things that made me feel bad was the only thing that got me through my wisdom tooth removal surgert#like yes... yes... pain and suffering... i deserve... hurt hurt hurt#anyway two gone! only two more to go#in one hand: it's a genuinely helpful way to handle pain and pain is inescapable a lot of the time so having a mental resource to protect me#is pretty cool actually#on the other hand: oh my girlfriend is gonna cry so much when she finds out. i know it's not good or normal or healthy#i really need to talk about it with my therapist. idk why i get so angry. nothing happened#i'm just glad i was alone and there was no one i could take my anger out on. because that someone is usually my girlfriend#and i love her so much i never want to hurt her#i felt so proud of myself when she told me one day she thought i wasn't an angry person at all#that i rarely ever got mad#like... yes... yes... i have succeeded... at making myself appear harmless... this is everything angsty teenage me ever wanted...#personal#when does this therapy thing kick in guys#maybe i just need to tattoo my whole body so i won't do anything to it#for now: toothless tattoo on my arm will protecc it from my crazy brain. hopefully.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
~ ~ ~
#so glad things are back to good with my bestie#turns out I was depressed and anxious for nothing and my hormones were making everything worse#because earlier I talked to him about how I was feeling badly lately and like he only wanted me around for convenience#and he reassured me that wasn’t the case and apologized for making me feel badly before#all I really wanted was to be heard and respected and reassured and he gave me all of that so easily#I’m trying to remember that I have good friends that I can be safe with and talk to without it becoming a problem#the past trauma tries to tell me it’ll be an issue but then things turn out fine and I get to heal little by little#and he was so sweet when we were on shift together cause he brought my food from the cafeteria to my office#and got me strawberries which are my favorite fruit (caf had some packaged to take)#made the effort to text with me when he wasn’t here and then also came to sit with me for about an hour and a half up until his shift ended#we printed out cute Halloween decorations for him to put up in his little office area since he likes the decor I put up in the ER#we sat and made jokes and talked like normal#and before he left he gave me a big hug and a tight squeeze#just really made me feel loved in the time we had and showed he did listen to me and is making an effort to help me feel better#and now I’m babbling just cause I’m happy and relieved and feeling better but yeah#very grateful to have a good best friend who listens and makes me feel safe and cared for when I need it#personal
1 note
·
View note
Text
btw u guys have to promise to not be mad at me for becoming ur turtle mutual. please
#shut up dave#IM LIKE. NOT NORMAL ABOUT THEM. AND THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME#i nEED a special interest to consume my every waking thought in order to thrive#and after i grew out of homestuck its like i lost my spark its EXCRUCIATING.#what do you MEAN i cant draw 3 comics and 2 full piecesn write 50 page essay in one day every day if im not insane abt some piece of fictio#outrageous!!!!!#and as much as i wish i could. i cant Choose or induce this thats not how it weorks we all know this#i TRIED to make miraculous my next big thing after hs it did not work!!! im still insane abt it! but its the#watching trrailers frame by frame making longass analyses and tracking down the exact car in one scene type of insane.#sure ive made art n comics its still one of the things i was and am more invested in than about 60-something of my other media interests#but GOD then rottmnt hit me full speed. i am FEELING this one. i made art AND the characters i was scared would be impossible to draw#turned out to be. so easy? like i did a great splinter first try and thats HUGE for me usually my first attempts suck#until i develop a personal touch for their design#the style of the show is just sososo good for me. theyre my best friends now. and i INTEND to make that clear to EVERYONE#bc im still feelin lonely!!! despite everything!! and i dont want to!!!!!!!!! and im making it everyone elses problem!!!!#anyways like as i said. ur not allowed to be mad at me. please please. ive always been annoying this is just a new arc#and u have to put up wirh it. or ill cry. thanks.
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
just another diary entry obvs
#i still feel so sad#yk i mean i take things very deeply very personally im sure some people remember may '21 lol#but this is just very hard for me because im so confused#why would you let resentment build towards someone about something they dont even know theyre doing to bother you#to the point that youre hurting the other person and they dont even know why for the longest time#it hurts a lot it wasnt even addressed at all until i brought it up bcs i couldn't stand not knowing and yet feeling so hurt and confused#i needed to know it wasn't in my head and i was right#but now im second guessing everything they talked to me so normally said they care about me all the way up until the day before#but ive felt the distance for a while so do they love me like they said or was that not true#if they dont then im such an idiot i really care about them i really respect them and love them#idk im really hurting very badly#really stupid for a 25 yr old to feel so hurt because they annoyed someone#but i just wish it was addressed sooner and for someone who prides themselves on being open and honest and direct..#it feels like they maybe just didnt care enough to talk to me about it.#so yk maybe they dont care about me.#which also feels like an offensive conclusion to come to about them when they dont lie and value honesty and openness so much#i dont want to think they dont love me bcs i do think i know them pretty well i do think theyd never lie about that#but maybe ive only convinced myself of that because it would hurt far worse if they didnt#whatever anyways im so stupid and i know i must have fucked things up by being too much again.#ill leave them alone and the hurt will ease up eventually#their friendship has meant a lot to me theyve done a lot for me i dont want to lose it completely i really dont#i just dont regulate well how much i care for my friends and its too much sometimes its one of the worst things about me#but i genuinely want my friends to know theyre loved and thought of and cared about and i mean it#and i cant always tell when i hit overbearing so i fuck things up.#anyways i am sorry i made someone i care about feel overwhelmed and i regret that i made them uncomfortable for i dont even know how long#im hurt but thats the worst thing i couldve done#okay ill shut up now stop talking about it its just still fresh to me obviously cant talk abt it on twt and they dont follow me here#i needed to vent without my irl friends 'fuck them' attitude bcs theyre a good person and friend and it does feel like its only my fault#for the most part anyways minus yk the communication bit#but we'll circle back to the do they even count us friends doubts and we dont need that ill move on now needed to get it off my chest
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
current mood:
#it's about people who have gone through events that are uncannily similar but have dealt it both the events and the aftermath in#drastically different ways. one of them was surrounded by people who didn't look and sometimes didn't act the part but ultimately meant#only well and the other only had one person who cared about him near him and not even that person was in a good enough place to give him#that sort of empowerment‚ the strength to try and fight against impossible odds and an inescapable situation#and i've seen takes (don't remember where) that state that rai is ultimately so much stronger than v because he managed to free himself#from the shackles of his assigned fate whereas v 'failed' to do so but like... i believe that v is equally as strong for just... existing.#and maybe the world would've been better off if he had died as soon as he learned the truth but he lived because he wanted to see a better#world and believed that him being stripped of his identity was a small price to pay for a better world but what makes him even stronger in#my eyes is the fact that he KEPT LIVING even when he realized that there was no way to make things better from his position as much as he#wanted to and when he saw that everything was going to hell and that he was doomed to just... stay there and be trapped and be forced to#work for ideas that directly oppose his own#and DESPITE ALL OF IT‚ HE KEPT HIMSELF ALIVE (until nato called and said ''hey bibo if you don't respond to the allegations we will nuke#your house'' (referring to V's OH) and bibo just. did not answer. and threw v under the bus and let him die like he was nothing#like i need you to understand this man has the mental resolve of joy herself but you aren't ready for that talk#look point is i think that if they were to ever meet rai would initially not like v at all and couldn't exactly pinpoint why he doesn't#like him - he's polite‚ relatively kind‚ a bit sassy at times‚ and really quiet‚ which in a way mirrors his own mannerisms - so he has no#clue as to why he /doesn't like him at all/ (and of course rai being rai would be polite in turn but he'd never be earnestly amiable)#UNTIL one of them tries to start a conversation about more mundane topics like music or movies and as they exchange opinions rai realizes#that he really doesn't have to bother with the whole thing about resolve and determination to pursue your own goals and differences in#ideologies and that he can just talk to this guy as if he were one of his friends from nyc from back when life was relatively normal#(aka before big shell and when the memories of his past were artificially surpressed HMM PARALLELS YES)#in conclusion v is less anti-raiden and more the second coming of joy and also the two of them would (eventually) be friends and talk about#film and music. rai would absolutely DIG some of the 80's stuff v listens to. thank you for joining me on yet another episode of 'insanity#with fionna'#zeta gear tag#i wrote a lot here and i've made some good points so in the tag it goes
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
feeling guilty about buying shoes after wearing ones with literal holes in them for weeks now. i hate everything :)
#i hate hate hate spending money i put off buying new shoes for MONTHS until i couldn't any longer#and i need good shoes to work because i am on my feet constantly so it has to be a good brand#not the cheapest been there done that my feet hurt and my spine hurt and everything hurt#so i just spent like. more than i ever spent on shoes 😭 and i feel so guilty i wanna cry#i hate capitalism#:)#and i hate how my life went that now i feel guilty about the most normal thing ever#personal
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
man the little mental categories I have for “this is a universal human experience” and “this is something Specific” are. incredibly wrong sometimes. and it’s not even that I’ve just assumed a lot of specific things are universal, or vice versa, but it goes in both directions!!! and I don’t realize something I learned was wrong unless I actively think about it/am presented with additional information to change my perspective!!! This sucks!!!!!
#I know that this is normal to an extent but#there are some things that I thought were Fine that Really Aren’t!!!!#like I thought that throwing up blood was Not That Bad because I did it multiple times as a kid#so it just registered as normal to me!!!#and I didn’t talk to people about it so how was I supposed to learn that that’s usually a sign of more serious concern???#also I do actively want to Know Correct Things which is why this bothers me#and it’s also embarassing sometimes ;m;#and I’ve written them off as headaches because they’re always called headaches#but my head pain?? might actually be migraines????#because I commonly suffer from a lot of migraine symptoms..#but I just wrote it off as Normal Headache Symptoms being exaggerated#but I have gotten constant headaches for years#with varying levels of pain#(I’ve had multiple that were so bad that looking at any light made me feel horribly nauseous)#and also other stuff#BUT I DIDNT GIVE THIS ACTIVE CONSIDERATION UNTIL I CEMENTED MYSELF AS A HEADACHE SUFFERER#WHICH DOESNT REGISTER THE SAME WAY AS A PERSON WITH GETS MIGRAINES#it’s so stupid and I should probably tell a doctor about this but oh my god#it’s kind of funny because of being hashtag queer but I have like#a thing with labels#where I’m scared to outright identify with one if I don’t think about it for a very extended period#(as in I won’t mention it because I’m spending years making sure that I’m certain)#which is dumb because A: my identity has never really felt static#and B: I have zero issue with people trying out new labels and discarding them or using a bunch of them etc etc#it is ONLY a hang up when it’s myself#oh yeah it’s because I feel like I need external validation to do Basically Everything#I’m working on it#in several little ways#I’m trying to be better I’m not just!#venting about a situation I can change without actually doing anything to help myself! ;w;
0 notes
Text
Yes ask your friends for help, and I just wanna add there's no age limit on asking your friends to help you. I know that with age people think like they should be more and more self-reliant, shouldn't be "accepting handouts", shouldn't be bothering their friends because they have kids or jobs or houses. But don't forget that with growing self-reliance of your friends also usually grows their capacity to help! As does yours, when you get out of the bad place you are now, you can keep the help chain going.
everytime i see someone promoting crisis lines i just remember the times both a suicide hotline and a domestic violence hotline hung up on me lmao
#for example my mum's friend will be staying in our spare room this summer#yes this lady in her late 50s will be staying in the spare room of 30yo lesbian couple with a baby on the way#we don't mind this lady helped my mum to organize stuff at our wedding and I've known her since I was a baby#she is in a bad situation because of an abusive relationship and her old flat being under heavy reconstruction rn#and yes when the baby is born we will be accepting handouts left and right because a young couple with a baby always should#baby stuff (at least in my country) normally cycles around the community until it falls apart#it's all things you usually need for a few months or a few years tops and it's expensive and difficult to store#so usually even before your own kid grows out of nappies and strollers somebody already gives u an echo about another person expecting#and you go “brilliant I can give them this and this and this but only probably like in a year?) and you just set everything up#and this is the whole point of community - to help eachother
18K notes
·
View notes