#venting about a situation I can change without actually doing anything to help myself! ;w;

[toastspirit]

man the little mental categories I have for “this is a universal human experience” and “this is something Specific” are. incredibly wrong sometimes. and it’s not even that I’ve just assumed a lot of specific things are universal, or vice versa, but it goes in both directions!!! and I don’t realize something I learned was wrong unless I actively think about it/am presented with additional information to change my perspective!!! This sucks!!!!!

[queerautism]

I'm sorry if I'm bothering, but I need someplace where to vent. I'm mostly writing this in one go, may misuse therms or repeat same thing too much. English is not my mother language. I'm not spell checking.

I was gonna share here sometime about how I think my "headspace" seems to be a mix between a paracosm and a system, having a mixture between para's, imaginary friends and actual "headmates" (equivalent of alters in this situation. There's no way all 1000 (questionable number, there have been 1000 different paras here, just not at the same time) of my paras are headmates, but there's some singular individuals who are deeply intertwined with who I am, mainly my paraself/parame, who mostly works as a connection between the world outside and my head space (plus she changes behavior and morals depending on the situation, maybe like medians? I'm writing everything in one go, can't search terms) and an headmate who has a role of giving a friendly opposite view of situations, almost like a different perspective. Everyone in my head is aware they aren't real (in the sense they are mostly fictives and are part of a fictional story), but we mostly tend to avoid mentioning that.). I didn't send something like this sooner cause I was afraid I would take too long to write.

However, I felt compelled to send a message today cause my college teacher seemed to trigger some sort of depersonalization in me (and other insecurities, but it isn't relevant now). I wasn't working nor started the supposed work that most people have been middway in doing, that day I barely did anything (was working for another subject I prefered) and he asked me if I was present today or if he should mark me as absent. That lead me to basically question how I've been mentally present the past weeks, and I basically didn't remember the past month as myself (I remember partly the things I did, but I didn't remember it as if I did them. I was having very bad breathing problems caused by anxiety, so I wasn't in a very good mental space). So I was pretty out of it, to the point I never managed to answer.

This isn't the first time I've disassociated, but the other time it was mostly similar to derealization and not depersonalization. Last time it happened, the "helper headmate" (gonna change the name later, I don't want to refer to him by his actual name cause fictives) would basically ask basic questions about myself to get me focused on something. The other paras would sound very far away, but could mildly communicate with me. The diassociation would last around 2 hours (cause it was mostly caused by going to a full gymnasium to do PE and it would end a short time after the class ended). Then everything would go back to normal.

This time however, the "helper headmate" never came to help. There are times where I am free from my paracosm, but not only do I not notice those times, but when I notice what happened (after the paracosm came back), I wouldn't remember anything I was thinking during that gap, like I was going on autopilot while still interacting fine with everything. When I had that depersonalization issue, I lost contact with my paracosm. Only when I left college to go home is that I realized I couldn't contact with any of them at all. I'm currently panicking silently cause I literally haven't lived a single moment in my life without the world inside my head and I don't know how to function without it. Even if they are sort of system or not, they wouldn't leave for something like this, this would at max make them want to stay more. They're my friends, and even if they complain sometimes it's all very light-hearted and barely malicious.

I heard them for a second while I was writing this but it didn't happen again, I tried to hear one song to induce it and nothing happened. I can't have them leave me.

I'm gonna try to check context of them (they're fictives, I'll keep repeating for good measure) and listen to more songs to see if I can induce them back. Really would love advice or reassurance, but honestly writing it here is good enough for now.

|| Gaiola~Anon || He/They/She (preference in this order) ||

Hi there. Honestly it sounds like a really distressing situation, I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't talk a lot about my own paracosm but it is absolutely very much intertwined with my system's innerplace. I'm not sure how I'd cope without it all.

I think the best thing you can do is try an stay as calm as possible, get some rest, and be kind to yourself. I very much doubt this is forever. It's going to be okay.

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Moving on from Routine, let’s look at Emotional Self-Care. This is Self-Care that you use to improve your emotional stability. This is what Emotional Self-Care can take the form of (though I do not use all of these; I will talk more about the ones I use):

Comfort Food

Taking a “mental health day”

Napping and/or Sleeping In

Binge-Watching Comfort Shows/Reading a Comfort Book/Listening to a Comfort Podcast/Comfort Music/Comfort Video Games/Etc.

Long Baths

Venting

Reflecting on the Good

Meditation

Taking a Walk Outside or Hitting a Treadmill

Turning away from Social Media

Lighting a scented candle

Giving Gifts

Crying/Screaming/Emotional Outburst

Breaking Breakables

Playing with and/or Petting a Pet or Animal

Telling Other People You Don’t Want To Interact With Them (Right Now)/Boundary Setting

Taking care of Plants

Journaling

Cleaning

Treating Yourself (non-food)

Every time I googled “emotional self-care”, I got some things like “set boundaries”, “learn to say no”, and “create a support system” – all of which are very good things, but they don’t really fit the quick regulation criteria that I’m going for here.

So, which of these do I personally use? Comfort Food, Mental Health Days, Sleeping In, Comfort Media, Venting, Reflecting on the Good, Meditation, Hitting a Treadmill, Scented Candle, Giving Gifts, Crying, Animals, Boundary Setting, Cleaning, and Treating Myself.

I’d take care of plants but right now I don’t have a good space for plants.

I’ll look at comfort food last, because I have a list of food.

Mental Health Days, I usually try to schedule ahead of time, around days or times I know are going to be hectic. I know that after a convention, for example, I need “cooldown days”, so usually I will take the following Monday-Wednesday off from work to cooldown from the convention.

If I don’t know ahead of time, I do feel comfortable enough to call in sick, but I vastly prefer being able to plan it, simply because of who I am as a person. It is sometimes a necessity. Sometimes there is just too much going on, and I need to step away from everything. Usually on these days, I will sleep in, or sleep for most of the day, with the promise to go back to normal tomorrow – and that is how it should be.

These are tricks to put you back in line in caring for yourself! To get you back to normal!

Now, most weekends I do sleep in a little. I wake up every day at 6am, so on weekends, I will absolutely let myself sleep in to like, 9-11. It’s a good thing I have this blog on a schedule.

Binge-Consuming Comfort Media: I do not consider this the same as observing New Media, because often for me that is a Personal Self Care, and not necessarily Emotional Self Care. It can be, but more often than not, it gets my thinking fired up and engages me in a wholly different fashion. For example, I consider playing Final Fantasy XII to be a “comfort game”, but I will not consider playing Elden Ring for the first time to be “comfort”, so much as Personal, because the former I have already done, while the latter is something new and is creating new experiences for me. One regulates my emotions, the other does not do so in a foreseeable fashion. In new games, I do not know the experiences I will have, whereas with old games, I can predict them.

I will usually use Binge-Consuming Media in downtime that I have nothing else to fill, but do not have the energy to try something new right then (usually with the promise that I will return to new things in the near future, usually the following day when this happens on a weekend, or the next weekend if this happens on Sunday). Binge-Consuming Media also tends to occur normally on Weekday Evenings, as I tend to lack any desire for new media after work. It thus helps me to stay in a calm mood throughout the night, and prepares me for the next day of work by maintaining mood, rather than changing it.

Venting has to be done with care; I have friends I can vent to, but the vast majority of them only end up aggravating me more when I vent to them. Venting is something I tend to reserve for after I’ve figured out what I’m going to do, and I just need someone else to know my pain, because very rarely are people actually able to give me decent advice. Yet, venting is still useful because it lets me finally express it, and lets other people into my life, which is healing, and allows me to move forward without feeling like I’m keeping a secret.

Akin to that, reflecting on the good is a bit more of a solitary action, but it’s useful to remember that a “bad day” isn’t a bad life. To think of the people who love me, to think of the good things that did happen, even amidst the bad, and to remember there are more good things to come. After a particularly bad day at work, remembering good things, good phone calls with customers, and just good people, is always helpful, and can prepare me to continue through the rest of the day.

Meditation is something I try to do every day, and I do feel that it helps me focus on the moment, as well as helps me work through my thoughts when I’m not meditating.

Back when gyms were safe, hitting the treadmill was great for days I just couldn’t fucking convince myself to do my weight training. It still got me in the gym, it still got me exercising, and it helped me beat out the anger while listening to a podcast or music. I felt like I could breathe. I miss this, a lot, and I look forward to being able to return to this, or getting the “Just Dance” games for my home so I can do a similar thing, without going to the gym. I was then usually able to resume weight lifting the next day – and it kept me from breaking my streak of going to the gym, back in the day.

Aromatherapy is just a thing. I enjoy it, it helps me, and I love candles, haha.

Giving Gifts is also something I like to do. Making other people happy, makes me happy, and this is often a surefire way to do that. It can be as simple as a bit of chocolate, it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Of course, I have to make sure I am financial stable enough to do that.

Crying – when I need to. Sometimes I will have to kind of force it, by putting on a movie I know will make me cry, because just bursting into tears from stress without additional stimuli can be hard, but once it’s done, it is so relieving, and it allows my brain to start to function again without feeling as much in a daze.

It’s true I do have pets, and they’re kind of around me everyday, so this is more of a routine one – the animals are a constant source of comfort, but if you don’t have pets, visiting a pet store may be beneficial to give their animals a bit of affection, or going to an animal shelter. Or perhaps watching cute animal videos if those aren’t options.

Boundary Setting is also important. While sometimes, it can be good to help others when you’re going through a thing – I find it helpful sometimes – at other times it is just too much. Being clear on that, and also giving your friend some idea of when to “check in”, is good. It also lets your friend know a bit of a time period, so they know it isn’t a permanent block on conversing. Being open and clear about your situation can only do you good when it comes to your friends – and checking in with them when you’re ready!

Cleaning is oddly enough something I do when I’m preparing for something that is Good. I feel like I must cleanse the area in preparation of the New Good Thing. I will do this when I buy a new gaming console, or a long-awaited game, for instance. It makes things feel fresh and rejuvenated. It lets me walk into the New Thing as if it is a New Thing, and it starts it off on good footing. Some of the anxiety and anticipation of it, is quelled.

Treating Myself, when it’s non-food items, is usually things like clothing for me, or new PJs lately. I will also invest in books I plan to read, one day, eventually, cute Star Wars things, shows and/or movies to watch that are new, or things that generally speaking bring joy into my life. Sometimes emotional regulation, is also about reward. If you’re doing good in your life, you absolutely SHOULD be rewarded for it! Otherwise, why bother with balance and moderation? Why not live a hedonistic lifestyle? That would be far more pleasant if balance and moderation don’t have rewards. Not all emotional regulation is just to stop being sad, it’s also to be vindicated and celebrate good events. Celebrating IS regulating, when it calls for it, obviously. So I’m not encouraging here spending your money on whims because you are sad, but spending it more when you’re happy, and doing good.

And then we get to Comfort Foods. What do I use for comfort foods?

Chipotle Gouda Pasta Salad

Lime-Chipotle Pasta Salad

“Chicken” Fried Steak (Scare quotes because I’m a vegetarian so it’s fake meat)

“Tuna” Salad

Cheesecake, particularly raspberry white chocolate, or turtle.

Ice cream, particularly from Cold Stone, but usually either Rocky Road or Raspberry with Chocolate Chunks. There’s also Love Potion #9 which I have to drive a significant distance for….

Extra Lattes (note the extra – I already have these planned in with my meal plans).

Hot Chocoalte

Potatoes O’Brien and Gravy

The idea behind Comfort Food: Eating tasty food often restores a mood, or at least puts us in a better mindset. They aren’t always the healthiest things, though they aren’t necessarily unhealthy. They have to be done in moderation, as you see I indicate with lattes it’s “extra” lattes that go on the comfort food side. I usually have two decaf lattes a week, one on Wednesday, and one on Friday.

Comfort Foods are for a “limited time”. An extra latte means I don’t get one the following day, or I don’t get one every single day of the week. I take the comfort it offers when it’s needed, and resume my usual drinking habits.

Things like Pasta Salad are for weeks when I need a bit of help, or when I’ve done good, because they’re multiple serving things. So like, my birthday week, eating a pasta is good. Or a week where everything went to hell, and I can’t focus on making something “new” and I just need to eat – but then it’s right back to normality after that week. This is not have pasta for an entire month, this is a way to set intentions, and work on orienting myself back to normal with food I love, and food I can make with my eyes closed.

Single-serving things, like cheesecake or hot chocolate, are usually Reward self-care. Like fuck yeah, I did great, I should give myself a little treat. It encourages my good behavior, and does not become an indulgence. It also ends up “planned”, and so the rest of the meals work around that indulgence so I don’t go overboard with it, either.

Knowing what foods, and what I use them for, helps me to use them when they will be most beneficial for me. Things like “extra lattes” also makes me think: Do I really want to do this now, or wait until the day I’m going to have it? Is there a reason I need it now? What will I do after I have it? How does this impact everything else in the balance?

So these are kind of the “quick trick” emotional self-care tools I use. Obviously, you should try to have a steady way of regulating your emotions, but shit happens. Cars break down, work days suck, friends are angry, people die…we need to have tools to get “back to normal”, or close enough to normal.

And you should also, absolutely, take time to treat yourself in self-care! If you don’t reward yourself, what’s the point in being “balanced”, and not just living a hedonistic lifestyle? That’s why comfort food as rewards is a thing! It’s why you can use these as rewards, if it helps, for doing good!

These are just what I do, and what I suggest. These are ideas to get you thinking about what you could put on a list, and how that could help you. If these same ideas work for you, great! If not, you just have to feel out yourself to determine what will help you! Brainstorm with your loved ones!

[sassysweetstories]

where i belong

Request: “TW imagine the reader is Scott sister who is a wolf and a painter which helps her cope and vent and stuff and she wants her art work to haunt them and the reader has feelings for Theo which some how the pack found out about and stuff and the reader is misunderstood just as Theo is and understands him better then the pack and she's scared to death about losing him and Theo is the readers first love and stuff like that and the reader only wants her happiness w/ Theo and not be controlled so much by the others and things like that And one of the things is she doesnt ever regret loving Theo bcuz  he was there for her when the pack tuned her out and stuff like that.”

Ship: Theo Raekan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, yelling, fluff, cussing, etc. 

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to owners. 

Tagged: @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw@anamcg317@bellasett @queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist @beingmadinwonderland @princessisabelle19@violence-and-velvet@lachicadelamanzana @teenwolfbitches2

Your P.O.V

The blood red paint dripped down the canvas. Not as thick as the liquid that ran under my own skin. I let it fall carelessly before tugging it back up towards the sky. Dark, thick black and grey clouds cascade on the backdrop, giving the audience an ominous feeling. At least that’s what I was going for. Whomever sees this painting; man, woman or child, could perceive the image entirely antithetically. To everyone else, it could seem malicious or even too dark for the normal eye. But for me, it was an escape from the nightmares that plagued my own head. 

I’m so intertwined in my own world I almost don’t even notice the packs presence till one of them nudges my shoulder, half scarring me to death. “Jeez, (Y/n). That’s a little dark, don’t ya think?” Liam looks down at the painting with fright and disgust. It takes everything in me to not smack him outright. Scott doesn’t come to my aid, choosing to not say anything at all. Even though I shouldn’t, I still hope my older brother can support me on something, especially my painting abilities. Malia tears into it, without mercy. 

“Why do you always draw things that are dark? It’s not like anyone died. I mean, jeez. It’s so depressing.” She shrugs, as if what she’s saying is the gospel truth and should enlighten me. 

I sit up, back as sharp as a blade. I will not cave in and beg for validation. I won’t get on my knees for these people. Suddenly a new body makes its way into the art room and I wish he hadn’t. Theo Raekan looks at the group before his eyes fall on me. Stiles glares at him, clearly frustrated with his only thirty-second presence. He ignores him, more focused on me and the painting than the hungry eyes that want to tear us both apart. That seems to be another thing I have in common with the young boy. 

He pulls up a chair and slides it next to mine, knee grazing my thigh and I glance down to hide the blush that’s made its way onto my cheeks. I don’t want to hear what he has to say. I don’t think I could bare the negative feedback. It pains me enough to listen to the people I thought once to be my friends. I could never hear it from him. Not from the boy I’ve fall hopelessly for. I close my eyes, awaiting for him to rip me apart the same way the others do. But when he opens his mouth, I hear something very different. 

“It’s beautiful.” 

His voice is so soft and gentle, I almost don’t recognize the tone to belong to him. The others gawk outright but he presses on, almost pouring salt into a wound all of them seem to bare. 

“This painting is absolutely exquisite, (Y/n). Let me take a guess. These two are lovers-” Pointing to the grey people, outlined with red and yellow hues to show fire across their bodies. “But they’re being torn apart due to other people. They want to be together but they’re forced apart and broken down themselves until they’re no more.” 

This time it is my turn to outright gawk at the young boy. And to think I couldn’t fall more in love with him. He understood the message I was trying to send. So much so, that I believed that at some point in his life, he felt it too. He smiles down at me, glancing back at the painting. 

“I didn’t know you could paint so well.” I blush and can’t seem to hide it no matter how hard I try. He compliments me effortlessly despite the group of people glaring down at him with distaste. “I mean it. You’re smart, funny, gorgeous and a phenomenal artist. I would love for you to come by and paint something for me actually. Would you be interested? I promise I’ll pay.” 

But before I could say anything, I’m forced out of my seat and pulled away. “Absolutely not.” Stiles says, completely fed up with Theo even though he’s done no harm. I rip his hand off my arm and push him away. “Get away from me.” Growling lowly before grabbing the painting and Theo’s hand. Though my heart beats a million miles a minute, I stop outside of the art entrance and hand him my number. 

“Call me when you want me to come over. F-For the painting, I mean.” 

He smiles and I try not to swoon. 

“Of course, honey. How about tonight at seven? I’ll order your favorite pizza as thank you. I’ll be giving you money for the painting as well and you can’t say no.” 

His joking authority sends chills across my skin and I nod, bidding him farewell. The next few nights I spend them with Theo, eating food and painting a description he showed me the first night I came over. As time passes, I notice things change between us. Slowly but surely, Theo opens up to me, and I to him. We have created a level of trust and respect for one another. So much so, that he chooses to sit with me most days at lunch, even walking me to class when his are on the opposite side of the school. I know I shouldn’t over think it, but I can’t help myself. Wishful thinking and all that. 

I shove my books back into my locker, replacing them with new ones. But just when I do, a large hand shoves the door to a close. The pack glares down at me and suddenly I feel very small. “W-What?” Stiles is quick to provide an answer, as always. 

“You can’t be around Theo. We don’t trust him. You need to end your little childish crush and stop before you get yourself hurt.” 

Malia and Liam back him up, firing the final blow. “You’re so naive to think he’d want to be with you. He’s using you, (Y/n).” 

The claim is outlandish and disgusting; plain and simple. Though this situation is nothing of the sorts. I look at the people who stand before me. A few days ago, I was looking but not seeing. And suddenly the world seemed oh so very clear. Without thinking, I laugh so hard I have to put my hands on my knees to keep myself afloat. They look at me with confused eyes as I collect myself before speaking with confidence. 

“Theo is the only person who has ever given a damn about me. Don’t you dare stand in front of me and lie to my face. You are all selfish, bastards. He’s the only person who has ever cared for me, asked me how my day was, basic things and went farther than all of you combined. You’re all worthless and I choose him over any of you, any day.” 

I don’t let them speak and walk to Theo’s side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, smirking. “Damn, babe. That was brutal.” 

I couldn’t help but smile, wickedly. “Well, I only treated them the way they treated me. I deserve better.” He nods in agreement and approval. “That’s my girl.” Theo peppers my cheeks and forehead kisses, fawning over one another. This was where I belonged. 

(I hope you guys liked it! PLEASE COMMENT BELOW!!) 

[lore-a-lie]

Chapter 3, Act 3: Neo World Symphony

Daily Life

When Kaede, Kaito, Kokichi, and Ryoma made it to Kibo’s pride and joy, as Kibo predicted both Gonta and Korekiyo were there waiting for them. But neither of them looked particularly comfortable around the machines; Korekiyo in particular kept glaring at one of the ceiling’s vents as if it was solely responsible for his discomfort. Kinda like how Kaito kept giving the hallways outside panicked looks. (But not me for a change! Honest.)

Kibo was too busy to notice; he was fiddling with some of the wires hanging off the machine instead of telling everyone what this was supposed to do. If Kaede had to guess, he was probably trying to buy time for Tsumugi so he wouldn’t need to explain the same things over and over.

“Must we all really be involved with this showing? I have no interest in modern technology, which also applies to this… “X Box” of yours, Kibo. This is hardly a time for games yes?” Korekiyo asked.

“...Dude, you can’t be serious.” Kaito said, looking completely dumbfounded.

“It’s a large cubical computer with an “X” on it and headsets attached to it, what else would I think it is?” He replied, tilting his head a bit as if hehe were confused about why Kaito now had his face in his hands. (Obviously not that! How could a game console ever be this big and mass produced? Even I knew that.)

“W-while you are right in that it is something of a game system, it’s more complicated than that! And while our situation is obviously serious isn’t escapism good to help humans in stressful situations?”

“Escape-ism? Kibo found way out in that kon-poo-ter box?”

“In a way yes! But please, let us wait for the others before we get to into it.”

Kibo was obviously nervous about what his friends would think about his work and went back to making sure everything was still as it needed to be for this demonstration. Kaede and the others didn’t need to wait too long at least, as an out of breath Tsumugi fell through the door a moment later.

It looked like she had tried leaning on the door before it opened by itself, so Tenko needed to catch her before she landed on the floor as Angie giggled. It looked like Tsumugi had run all the way outside to get these two, but the run back hadn't affected either of her more hyperactive companions at all.

As Kibo double-checked that everyone was there and that there would be enough visors and chairs for everyone and he started to explain.

“I realize this may seem suspicious to some of you, seeing how this technology was granted to us by Monokuma, and one of his cubs, Monosuke, helped show me how this program was meant to work. But I assure you, I took every step I could to ensure that the other world this opens up to us will be completely safe! What began its existence as a “killing game simulation” is now merely a “simulation” with little to no risks for its users that even Monokuma can’t interfere with.”

Kibo looked nearly as proud giving this introduction as he did when he was trying to brag about his inventor’s ingenuity or his own features.

“Wait, what? C’mon man, why would you tell Gonta this is some type of exit then? You just said this was something that was meant to help kill us!” Kaito shouted, looking frustrated about getting their hopes up for nothing.

“I didn’t say it was an exit, I said that you could see it as a way out! Your mind leaves our current school setting and enters a safer space for us all to interact in. No Exisals, no Monokuma, no risk of motives.”

“So it’s just like a virtual world, like the Matrix?” Tsumugi summed up, nervous but clearly interested.

“Basically, but it should be incredibly realistic for all of you. I only say “should be” on the off chance my sensory input data works a bit differently than for everyone else, but I can tweak things if I need to! This includes any changes you’d like me to make for the avatars you each will have in there.”

“Neat! Sounds fun. But do we allll need to do this? I mean if Kiyo wants to stay out why not let him?” Kokichi said with a cruel Cheshire cat grin, as Korekiyo looked hopeful at the suggestion.

“I would very much prefer he in particular comes with us actually." Kibo said. "While your consciousness is hooked up with these machines you won’t be able to feel your real bodies anymore in favor of moving your avatars, so even with Gonta’s supervision not including him could be… ill-advised.”

“What’s an “ah-vuh-tar”?”

“A physical incarnation or embodiment of a deity or concept so that it may interact with the world as we know it. Very commonly found among various religions, this word specifically relates to Hinduism. In virtual contexts, it refers to how humans may interact with the worlds created in these spaces, as in essence humanity would all be considered “gods” to those made specifically for their entertainment.” Korekiyo quickly supplied, cutting off Kibo's attempt to explain.

“... Gonta not sure he understand.” Gonta admitted as he scratched his cheek, much to Korekiyo’s disappointment. Before he had a chance to try again Kibo offered a simpler explanation, ignoring the room’s chuckles.

“Uhh… It’s like I made a smaller Gonta for you to control in the world in the box, since you wouldn’t fit.”

“Oh, okay!” Gonta said with a smile, while the probably pouting Korekiyo gave Kibo a bitter look. The robot responded with a nervous shrug, which did little to stop Angie or Kokichi’s laughter.

With a resigned sigh, Korekiyo took a seat. “May we please get this over with quickly then?”

“H-hey, we didn’t agree we’d even be doing this yet so don’t you menaces go making decisions for us!”

“Indeed, indeed! Atua doesn’t trust anything with Monokuma involved either. Angie can understand wanting others to experience your work firsthand, but are you sure it’d be safe? How do we know he didn’t hide a motive in there to take us by surprise?”

“I checked everything, there is no way he could have something like that still in there, and if I did find anything I would have told you all. I highly doubt there’s any way left for me to make this system safer for everyone. I deleted absolutely everything that I thought could ever be used as a weapon, nothing can be broken, and I don’t believe the avatars should be able to take any damage.”

“You don’t believe they can?” Tenko incredulously asked.

“I couldn’t test things too much by myself! But I wouldn’t ask this if I had any doubts about your safety.”

“At least try it you two. If we all stay together what’s the worst that could happen?” Kaede asked, trying to convince them.

Both girls looked pointedly at Korekiyo, who in turn looked at her as if to ask what else could she expect. Kaede just glared at him, while Kibo looked like he had a solution but didn’t think he should mention it yet. Not that Kaito needed to hear it to get back onboard.

“Yeah, we should have faith in Kibo! He’s not the sort of guy to lie about technical stuff.”

“Or at all.” Ryoma teased.

“Pfft, Not well at any rate. It’s not like a robot like him could intentionally put humans in danger, riiight?”

“I told you already Kokichi, I’m not entirely three laws compliant! The professor feared it could create loopholes that may harm my mental development or sense of self-worth if he made them impossible to disobey.” (Wow, that didn't help as much as Mr. Idabashi was hoping then. Poor Kibo.)

“It probably would have been better for you to have gone with that excuse, Kibo. But your honesty also plainly proves your point, doesn’t it? I believe you at least!” Tsumugi agreed, with surprising conviction for a change. (Or maybe it isn’t. Technically this could make us all 2D, or “fictional”, for real right?)

“It’s not that we don’t trust what he thinks he did, but it was the degenerate Monokub that helped teach him how to change Monokuma’s program and he’s still new at this on top of that! But if it means so much to him… Fine. I’ll do it,” Tenko reluctantly grumbled. “But if anything goes wrong in there someone’s gonna pay big time when we wake up!”

“Nothing is going to go wrong, I promise! I honestly believe you all will greatly appreciate this.”

“This isn’t more of your “inner voice” stuff, is it? Haven’t we all moved on from that Atua-type nonsense?” Kokichi asked, obviously trying to get a rise from Kibo again. And as always he got one like clockwork.

“Of course it is, and this has nothing to do with Atua. My inner voice wouldn’t steer me wrong. And while I no longer believe in it either it’s still very rude to dismiss Angie’s beliefs as being “nonsense”!”

“I’m just saying Pinokeebo. For us humans, hearing voices isn’t exactly a good sign of anything.”

“Just because your conscience has given up on you doesn’t mean the rest of us are crazy for having one.” (I’m not really sure I’d call that an “inner voice”, but Kibo is a robot. Maybe that’s just how it is for him.)

Kokichi gave Kaede a scowl when he heard her giggling, but he let Kibo have this little victory and took a seat. It wasn't like he was normally good at comebacks in the first place, and Kibo looked so proud of this.

With all of their biggest concerns addressed as well as they could be, everyone still standing found their own chairs and started setting up the visors the way Kibo told them too. Kaede was a bit confused as to why Kibo hadn’t put the red and blue cables into the ports already, but he claimed it was because he didn’t want to risk making a tripping hazard for anyone as he helped make sure no one made any mistakes.

Gonta nearly did thanks to Angie distracting him for a bit, as he initially put the red “consciousness” cord in the left port that was made to handle the blue “memory” cord, but the mistake was quickly found and corrected. When Kibo was satisfied that everything was finally ready to go without incident he told everyone to put the headsets on and press the button near their temples to enter the simulation.

He quickly mentioned he’d be the last to arrive as he wanted to make sure no one was experiencing any difficulties before going in, since their bodies would be relatively defenseless and wouldn’t feel anything in this sleep-like state, but that was the last Kaede heard before the world went black.

It was an odd sensation, watching as the data passed her by. She expected things to be instantaneous, but there she was, staring at the Ultimate Academy’s handcuffed and scarred emblem with a “Welcome to the Neo World Program” message in the corner of the startup screen.

Something about the name felt familiar, and not just in regards to this machine. But before she could place it a feeling like a flashback light’s vertigo overtook her and she found herself in a parlor.

It was comforting to see she wasn’t alone, as Kaito, Ryoma, Tsumugi, and Gonta appeared at around the same time she did. But they all looked… Different. Her pants were gone in favor of her skirt for starters. And everyone else was… well, cuter, for lack of a better term.

It was like she woke up to find themselves in her Magical Melody game she and her sister would play, with how small and round they all were now. Tsumugi would probably describe this as them being "chibified" if Kaede remembered right. Only these designs might have been even more simplified than any game she'd ever played. And for whatever reason Ryoma looked a lot taller, but he didn’t actually change much otherwise, so the feeling was just surreal. She didn’t even need to look up as much to see Gonta’s face either.

“... Is this what being tall feels like?” Ryoma asked as he looked around, and adjusted to being at eye level with everyone else for a change. His beanie’s horns almost looked like cat ears now with how they‘d been squatted down, which made Kaede giggle and got Ryoma trying to hide his blush.

“I think you mean more like “being average size” in your case. But I was expecting something different too...” Tsumugi said mostly to herself, her disappointment clear as she slouched and stared at the ground, ignoring the almost offended look Ryoma sent her way for her comment. She even got those comical blue lines floating above her head as she did it, like one of Dr. Shrunk’s expressions.

“This feels weird. I can move this avatar so freely it’s like it doesn’t even matter what condition my body was in before.” Kaito said as he did some stretches to prove his point. (Why didn’t he say so sooner?!)

“What condition are you talking about? Did you pull a muscle during last night’s training or something? Jeez, you should tell us when something like that happens you know!”

“Y-yeah, that’s it. Sorry, I didn’t wanna to worry ya.”

“Liar. Like you ever do enough during training to pull or strain much of anything.” Ryoma jokingly scoffed.

“Hey! Come one, don’t be like that-” Anything else Kaito might have wanted to say was cut off by Korekiyo’s arrival, much to Gonta’s relief. Korekiyo was a lot less pleased by this development.

The second he showed up it was like he was on edge, looking around like he was missing something before taking in the state of his new body. Which didn’t improve his mood any. “... I want to leave.”

“No! Kibo say he want to show friends his ver-chew-ul world, so we stay! Kiyo barely here at all, he at least need to thank Kibo for making this for friends.” Gonta scolded him, so Kaede followed suit too.

“Yeah! No need to be so quick to judge it.”

“But everything’s so… quiet now. Warmer too. I don’t like this.” (What’s he talking about? This is the same temperature as it was in the lab, and I thought being warmer would be a plus to him anyway.)

Before Kaede could ask what he meant Kokichi, Angie, and Tenko arrived at the same time, like Kaede’s group did.

“Oh~ so this is the Virtual World huh?” Kokichi started rambling with his little nods and Mm-hmms as he took note of everything around him, toying with the loose belts on his avatar a bit as he did so. He started walking around the room, getting a look at everyone else’s avatars, before he stopped behind Korekiyo with a wicked smile on his face.

Korekiyo barely had a chance to respond before being punched in the face, given the lack of their previous height difference. Angie laughed at that while Korekiyo rubbed at his cheek where he was hit.

“What exactly was THAT for?” (You want the full list? Because we all know you’ve had it coming.)

“Kibo said avatar’s couldn’t be hurt riiight? So I’m just testing that to see if it’s true! Soooo, did it hurt?” Kokichi asked with a grin as if he already knew the answer.

“Of course it did. However I believe he phrased it as making them immune to damage, not pain, so I’m not sure this disproves his previous claim. But you could have just pinched yourself to test this, yes?”

“Nope! Doing it this way shows our senses are connected in here, since we know I didn’t actually punch you. Besides, that trick never worked when I dreamed either, so what’s the point?”

“I see, I see. This place could be considered like a shared dream, couldn’t it? A peaceful dreamland we can enter by sleeping in our own paradise~” Angie hummed to herself.

“If this was Tenko’s dream there definitely wouldn’t be any males in it. But I love how CUTE we are now!” Tenko gushed as she bounced around, getting a look at everyone while nodding her head appraisingly at each of the girls.

And speaking of males, with everyone else accounted for Kibo finally entered the simulation. But his avatar was the most different by far.

His eyes were blue again like they were before Miu died, and the robotic lines under his eyes were gone. He was also wearing a fairly normal buttoned-up school uniform, instead of having his robotic parts exposed and styled to imitate one. There was even a pair of black gloves to hide his hands from view.

It was like he was trying to look more “human” in here, despite everyone else being made to look largely the same. Kaede wasn’t sure if using a virtual program to change himself like this was ironic or upsetting.

“So, what does everyone think? If anyone has any issues with their avatars appearances I can easily make some changes for you later, like my own. I just thought some equilibrium might be appreciated, and making their designs like this made them a lot easier to edit than what the system already had for us.”

“You mean in terms of heights?” Kaede asked him, looking between Ryoma and Gonta again.

“Well yes, that too! But all of us also have the same strengths and speeds, so we’re on equal ground. It’s not like anyone should really need them in here, since nothing can be broken.”

“W-wait, so Mini-Gonta weaker than real Gonta?! Then how Mini-Gonta protect girls from Mini-Kiyo?!” Gonta nearly shouted, while Korekiyo perked at this information.

“O-oh, not to worry! Kiyo’s avatar already has some personal adjustments to it. If he comes into contact with a female avatar, for any reason, he’ll be paused for as long as he’s touching her and for a brief window after it stops. This way Tenko’s not the only girl fully capable of defending herself!” Kibo quickly explained. This did little to comfort Gonta, and Korekiyo merely shrugged as if he saw this catch coming.

“Did that mean you had to make me weaker too though?... YOU REALLY ARE A MALE AREN’T YOU?! MASTER WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!”

“No he wasn’t, there was no way he could have known this would happen. You’re just way too gullible.” Kaito replied in a teasing tone.

“So you knew about the way our senses would connect, and thus our avatar’s ability to feel pain yes?”

“A-ah. Right, I did leave that out didn’t I? I mean, I haven’t been able to test that much so I didn’t want to worry anyone. The program directly affects the brains of everyone in it in real time, and by affecting the brain every sensation that you think should be occuring in here, like pain, will actually be felt by you. This applies to all five senses, and it’s hard to get rid of any impulses that might be read as negative feelings.”

“Doesn’t that mean that if we think something should have killed us we really could die?” Angie asked.

“I really don’t think so! I mean, even if you think you should be in pain if you can’t see an injury on your avatar that should help right? Please, let’s not linger on this stuff right now. Let me show you the map! So you can all get a better idea of what this world is like.”

Kibo led them all from the room to the main hall to explain all the other changes he’d made to the program, clearly ecstatic to finally have something to show off for himself. And from what Kaede could see he had every right to be. She wouldn’t be surprised if the only other person who could have gotten this program working and made it so (relatively) safe for them would have been Miu herself.

He may have even solved part of their problems with what to do with Korekiyo if this all worked out. The world he had here might not have been that large in the grand scheme of things, but if he couldn’t attack anyone he wouldn’t need to be watched like a hawk. It could give him, Gonta, Ryoma, and Kaito all more freedom in a sense, which everyone could use more of in this hell.

She was impressed by the map she could see at least. There was a church to the left of the mansion they were currently in, that could probably be seen from the dining hall, and even a forest behind them. She wasn't sure where the bridge over the rightmost river could lead to, as there were just squiggles beyond there. There were more squiggles at the end of the road past the church too, which Kibo kept calling it a “loading point”.

However, as he was explaining what he meant by “loading point”, there was a knock from the salon door.

Tsumugi was the first to respond to it, but everyone had a similar thought. “... Huh?”

“Are there NPCs you haven’t gotten to telling us about yet Kibo?” Kaede nervously asked.

“N-no! I mean the program does have the ability to make those in theory but in practice they were way too complex for me to get my head around. We really should be the only ones in here! Monosuke said not even Monokuma or his siblings would be able to harass us since they aren’t compatible with it.”

Everyone was panicked at Kibo’s admission and stayed as far from the door as they could. According to the map there was only one way out of the salon so whoever was inside had nowhere else they could go.

But the figure that did eventually come out wasn’t someone they could have expected.

Kaede looked to her left just to make sure Korekiyo was still there, before facing this anomaly again. He looked to be in just as much shock as everyone else at the sight of his slightly disoriented doppelganger.

“What is going on Korekiyo?” The person with his face asked. But it wasn’t in his voice, though it spoke with the same sort of cadence he had when he used his falsetto at the party rather than his natural register. It was clearly a woman’s voice now. One they had all heard once before, using his full name.

“S-sister?” Korekiyo said, nearly breathless as his eyes darted between her(?) and Kibo, looking for an explanation. But Kibo clearly didn’t have any, if he was even able to follow what was going on.

As it dawned on him that this wasn’t some sort of sick joke he wasted no time going over to his once dead sister and embracing her. Which was still pretty odd looking with Kibo’s avatar designs contrasting with Korekiyo’s normally creepy appearance, and both of them looking identical didn’t help matters.

Kaede tried not to listen to the whispering between the two that closely, which was made easier by having the confused conversations between her friends to focus on instead. It seemed rude to intrude on this unusual reunion.

“Ooookay, will someone explain what’s going on and who the hell this is now? Because I’m confused.” Kaito spoke up when it looked like the two had finished talking amongst themselves.

“R-right, my apologies. Everyone, this is my older sister-”

“And that’s all they need to know. Also, you’re stuttering again Brother. Do try to get ahold of yourself.”

“I… Beg your pardon? I was only going to introduce you to them.”

“And I have no such desire to be put on such casual terms with your bullies, brother of mine.”

“Then how are they supposed to address you Sister? Please be reasonable. And I’m fairly certain that’s a gross oversimplification as well, they are all well within their rights to be distrustful and angry with me.”

“They’ve threatened your life on more than one occasion now for crimes which aren’t even as severe as those of some of their other so called friends. Not to mention one that has proven to be to everyone’s net benefit thus far. And this is ignoring how they’ve been inclined to keep you at arm’s length even before that... minor episode. I do believe our surname should more than suffice for this situation.”

“Kirumi’s murder was no “minor episode”, and now we have Monokuma focused entirely on us!” Kaito interrupted, despite looking almost as ill as he did when the Necronomicon came up.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about how particularly rude you were at the party either, you blowhard!” She countered him with a glare as she removed her mask. Unfortunately for her any intimidation this could have had was undermined by the red blinking lines that appeared over her head to show her anger.

Apparently Kibo had tried his best to recreate Korekiyo’s face underneath it, but since the only time he saw it was at the party the resulting form still had his lipstick. Not that she’d be able to that know yet.

The way it suited her more than him wasn’t lost on anyone else watching though, particularly not Korekiyo himself. But Korekiyo’s face was harder for Kaede to read in the simulation than in person.

“Woah-woah-woah, how do you know this stuff in the first place? And why are you not dead!?” Tenko asked as Kaito began taking a position more behind Ryoma to avoid Korekiyo’s sist- err Miss Shinguji’s wrath. And Kaede had thought Korekiyo was weird before. (And it’s the last person I ever wanted to meet.)

“Because of my beloved baby brother of course.” She brushed her fingers through his hair as she rested her head against his. (Okay Korekiyo having his big sister back was almost sweet but this feels super weird. No wonder he comes across like he has a complex if this is how she normally acted before.)

“Yeah you’re gonna have to give us more than that lady.” Kokichi deadpanned.

“I… suppose there is no other way around this, is there? I assume she’s been the 17th “student” the Monokubs had referenced before, and as they said she’s been here for quite some time now. I do believe I had mentioned having been host to spirits in the past yes? This is whom that event was referring to.”

“I’m still here because he wanted me to be... In addition to some less pleasant circumstances. This is actually my second time having the chance to speak with you all directly. Not that most of you noticed.”

Tenko’s jaw dropped as the gears began to click in her head before sharing her conclusion. “... KIYO REALLY WASN’T A DEGENERATE MALE AT THE PARTY!” (... What? But… I… Huh??? My head hurts.)

“Oh! Gonta see. That why Kokichi thought Kiyo’s lying ticks kept changing. Kiyo’s twitchy side is different from Kiyo’s sister’s twitchy side.” Gonta said softly, as if mostly talking to Kokichi beside him, before the lair tried covering his mouth with his hands.

“Shut UP Gonta, nobody needs to know about stuff like that yet!” Kokichi quietly hissed, looking around as if hoping no one heard what Gonta said. (Lying ticks? You mean like tells? I’ve heard of those before. Was that what Kokichi has actually been trying to teach him about? To keep him from being tricked?)

To Kokichi’s relief it didn’t seem that anyone else did as their focus was more on Shinguji and Tenko still.

“My little brother has NEVER been a “degenerate” you moronic misandrist! Cease your slander.” (Okay no, I’m pretty sure being a remorseless serial killer counts. But you’re probably not much better either.)

“Sister that is really uncalled for. We don’t know why Tenko takes such issue with men still but I’m sure she has plenty of fine reasons for it beyond her Master's teachings.” (I’m pretty sure she really doesn’t. Or she’s just one hell of a hypocrite. I mean why else threaten to hurt or kill my friends for being guys?)

“Justifications are not excuses Brother. My statement stands as firm as it does for the other sexist swine.”

“I believe you are blowing his chauvinism out of proportion. If memory serves Kaito even brought more girls than he did boys when he first tried to make a plan to directly fight back against our captors yes?”

“Did you hear the way he spoke to me, thinking I was you? Did you see the way he reacted to us!?”

“To be fair, trying to make our switches as subtle as possible, without compromising your freedom, was part of the idea was it not? I was honestly more surprised his reaction was part of the minority there.”

“Korekiyo, being surprised people were less horrid than they could have been is never a good thing.”

Kibo cautiously spoke up, to try and curb the sibling’s arguing. “... Do you two need a moment? I could continue showing everyone else around and fill you two in later.” (YES! Thank you Kibo, save us! Wait...)

“Yes, that would be greatly appreciated Kibo. Would a warden still be required for me?”

“I can just wait outside of the salon and they can talk in there if you want. That should work since I can pause both of them if I need to, right?” (And maybe figure out what’s going on here. Just because our strengths have been equaled that doesn’t mean Kibo altered how strong some of our senses were.)

“If you really want to Kaede. But do you really want to? Not being a danger to others was the point of that feature, so I’m not sure a warden is really needed anymore at all.”

“Yup, don’t you worry bout a thing!”

And if I’m outside the door I can listen in and see how any of this fits with the whole “friends” thing. I mean she’s making it pretty clear she doesn’t like any of us, so would that mean Korekiyo’s lost his reason for killing people? Or is this part of an act? But his reactions here have been genuine I think.

“What exactly does she mean by “pausing” us, Brother?”

“Ah. Kibo said he made these digital bodies with a particular quirk in my own, and as you seem to be stuck with my design it would stand to reason it applies to you as well. If we come into physical contact with an avatar that is considered female we won’t be able to move for a brief period of time.”

“Pardon? But I’m touching you just fine.”

“Because you are using my avatar, so it’s considering you to also be male as I understand it.”

“Now that’s ridiculous, why would it-” Miss Shinguji began as she brought a hand to her heart as if she were offended before stopping herself as she noticed something wrong. She tapped at her chest again, before looking down at her hands. Or rather seeing what wasn’t under them anymore. “Oh. That’s new.”

“Huh~ How is that “new”? Didn’t Missy Sissy say she took over Kiyo’s body outside too?”

“What did you just call me? ” (Oh god we’ve actually been dealing with the less horrifying sibling up until now haven’t we? And he doesn’t actively hate us, he’s just a horrible person. This… doesn’t sound good.)

“Moment to talk first, addressing Angie’s antics later if we may?” Korekiyo “suggested” as he urged her through the door, sending Angie a glare over his shoulder best he could as he tried to pacify her state.

Kaede gave a bit of a wave as the others headed towards the dining room before settling next to the door. Ryoma seemed the most reluctant to leave her there alone, but Gonta urged him forward anyway. A little weird, since normally the positions of the two would be opposite, but she wasn’t complaining.

Instead she closed her eyes and focused on listening to the siblings inside. It might still be rude, but this was more a matter of safety than her own interest at this point.

Korekiyo’s voice was as soft as a whisper as he began their conversation. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I know. I’ve missed this too. I nearly forgot what my own voice really sounded like, it’s been so long.”

“If… I may ask, why are you so hostile to everyone? Do the girls here not all live up to your standards?”

“No, no it isn’t that. However it’s difficult for the dead to not envy the living, so I don’t wish to struggle trying to smother that feeling by befriending any of them before you can arrange for a true introduction. You understand, don’t you? It’s like how I could get rather… contrary in regards to your traveling before.”

Well so much for that hope. And now I know she’s definitely as much a part of his crazy schemes as he is, instead of just trying to make excuses for him. But if being around the living upsets her why doesn’t this apply to Korekiyo? Because he’s her “host”? Or because they’re related and been together for so long?

“I see. Sorry, Sister. But still, aren’t you going a bit too far? You know they are all good people at heart.”

“Good people wouldn’t even give the notion of killing you over something so inconsequential a second thought. And yet the people here who don’t openly endorse such a thing can be counted on one hand.”

“Seeing good people pushed to such extremes was part of what I was hoping my discovery would cause, so must you blame them so harshly for that? Murder is hardly a sin that should have carry no aftermath.”

“Your safety matters more to me than your pet project, Korekiyo. At least one of us should keep your well being in mind. But fine, I’ll try to be less… disdainful of those “friends” of yours for you. Within reason.”

“Thank you so much, Sister. And might you consider at least letting some of the girls here get to know you a little better in the meantime? Since I likely won’t be able to make any “arrangements” for a while still.”

“I might. But don’t be too surprised if encouraging me to do so makes me reconsider the exception you tried to make for Miss Akamatsu. Just because she changed her mind doesn’t mean I have yet, and she’s still the girl here who’s been least spiteful towards you. Truly impressive of her, all things considered.”

“Except Tsumugi you mean? She’s one more for avoidance than aggression, so she hardly changed at all.”

“... Technically I suppose that’s true. But from what I’ve seen of her I’m not nearly as interested in Miss Shirogane in the short term.”

“My apologies, but what exactly did she do wrong? She’s passionate, humble, and clearly talented in the ways of making various types of clothing. So you’d have at least that interest in common, yes?”

“Irreconcilable differences of opinion.” (... Please tell me this doesn’t involve Tsumugi’s “shipping” or something like that. I’m not sure I could handle it if things got that stupid with these lunatics.)

“... About what, pray tell?”

“Cultural reenactor erasure.” Her voice sounded, clear and as deadly serious as can be. Kaede couldn’t be sure at first if the long pause was real or just her losing focus while she brought a hand to her face.

Okay yup this is definitely Kiyo’s sister. Maybe I should I have been broader about what sort of dumb I didn’t want to deal with today. ‘Cause I’m not sure this is that much better than the shipping alternative.

When Kiyo did speak next it was clear he was also baffled. “I’m… afraid I’m not quite following, Sister.” (Thank god, at least he’s still normal enough to see how stupid this is too.)

“Her petty “Cospox” must be a fictional construct so she couldn’t be accused of impersonating anyone in this game. Anyone truly concerned with cosplay as an art that serves as an expression of their love for a subject has no reason to try gatekeeping against those who merely have a different preferred topic!” (What? I mean this sounds ridiculous, but also why would Tsumugi ever feel she needed to go that far?)

“... Are you accusing Kaede of lying about what she saw then?”

“No, her honesty isn’t the one I’m doubting. I’m quite confident that the effect was staged, as anyone sufficiently skilled in fabric work and special effects could do it. Either through the placement or prior knowledge of materials she would have a genuine allergic reaction to in order to sell her idea or clever quick use of makeup, as most people wouldn’t want to look too closely at another person’s pain or ills.”

“Might this be something we should bring up to the group then? If there are concerns of a mastermind being hidden amongst ourselves, one of our number still hiding the true scope of her talent would be most suspicious yes?” (Or maybe I should. It’s a fair point at least, if it’s really true. But it’s Tsumugi!)

“I hardly think it’s anything so drastic, Korekiyo. I merely have no desire to argue with her over what should and should not qualify as valid forms of costume play until we really have the time for it.”

Kaede didn’t need to wonder what she meant by that. Time shouldn’t really matter for the dead.

“I see. I’ll… see what I can do to give you both that time then, when I’m next able to.”

“Would you? Thank you Korekiyo. I know you won’t disappoint me.”

The next thing she could hear was a soft organic click and a hum, but Kaede couldn’t be sure what the source was. In another situation she may have mistaken it for a kiss, which would be kinda weird here.

At least she thought it would be, platonic family kisses aren’t really a thing she’s ever been used to, but if she remembered right that was more common in Europe or something. It could be something they picked up from Kiyo’s travels. Assuming that if she did guess it right that the kiss was actually platonic.

Wait why would I even think that?! Of course it is!... But Kiyo never actually said he didn’t have a sister complex, did he? He just got mad when people would accuse him of it. Or maybe the wrong sibling has the “complex” here, with how protective she’s being towards him- GAH brain stop it! Not going there.

No matter how weird something about the two of them feels, it’s probably nothing. Her being so touchy could just be related to how long she’s been dead. It might feel different to touch things for herself again instead of using Kiyo to do it. I really don’t want to think about what this means about the party crush...

“...Brother, if unit Kay One Bee Zero designed you to be male why are you still wearing my lipstick?” (WHY ARE YOU NOT HELPING ANYTHING?!- Easy Kaede, maybe him taking off his mask made that sound. Perfectly innocent explanation. I mean there’s no need to wear it around his own family right?)

“Sister, please don’t actually call him that. I’m fairly confident that’d greatly upset him. It’s only because of him you are here, even if only as a glitch in his system caused by our unique situation. The least you can do is use his creator’s family name for him, yes? He probably just included it because he’s only seen my face with it on. We likely both have your nail polish on under my bandages too for similar reasons.”

“Oh? That’s comforting at least, I merely took your mask off out of habit before. It’d make things go more smoothly for us if we give your friends visual indicators for which of us is which, no?”

“Tell me you aren’t just suggesting this to trick them by switching later. You don’t sound like me anymore so that ruse would end as soon as one of us speaks. And neither of us could keep quiet for that long.”

“... Fair point. I guess we’ll need to settle for only playing that game outside. Shall we rejoin them now?”

“If that’s what you want, then by all means, let’s.”

Kaede tried not to seem suspicious when the two finally came out, but if she failed they didn’t call her out on it. Kiyo’s mask was back in place and Miss Shinguji’s bandages were off, so they were easier to tell apart. With everything in order, the three headed to the dining hall to regroup with the others.

It sounded like Kibo was explaining minor tweaks he'd made to the program in the kitchen since he didn’t have the maps from the entrance to show things off, and specifically going into why the program was made to accommodate certain expectations for what a mansion should have, even though for avatars they wouldn’t work. Eating wouldn’t do anything to mitigate a person’s hunger, and at Tenko’s bizarre prompting he pointed out trying to use the bathroom would likely cause an accident in the real world.

Shinguji got an odd look in her eye as Kokichi pointed out how weird it was to make toilet paper that couldn’t tear. She pulled out her bandages, gave them an experimental set of tugs, and gave a malicious grin at the back of Tenko’s head. Which fell as soon as Kiyo snatched them from her hands.

Luckily for the two of them, no one but Kaede noticed this brief exchange, helped by Kiyo placing himself between his sister and the others. It didn’t stop her from scowling at him, which was nearly enough to make him cave in and return them to her before Kaede intervened and took them away herself.

Shinguji was even less pleased with the realization they still had an audience, but Kiyo looked rather relieved that he couldn’t be the focus of her displeasure anymore. (I’ll definitely need to tell Kibo to simplify those handwraps into gloves or something later, so they can’t be used to strangle anyone.)

In an effort to move on Shinguji chose the most recent lull in the conversation to pose her own question. “I don’t suppose you have an explanation for us too, Idabashi?”

“Huh? Do you mean me? W-well, that depends. I mean the visors are meant to import your consciousness into the program, so I suppose if Kiyo entering the program caused you to take over his body shortly after, it just automatically went through the process again. Which is probably a good thing, as if you tried taking the headset off I’m really not sure what would have happened to either of you.”

“You aren’t really buying her being a ghost in the machine, right Kibo?”Kokichi teased.

“Why not? I mean if they kept exchanging information between themselves mid-party this can’t be a case of Dissociative Identity Disorder, right? At no point did either of them show any signs of confusion, as if they lost time while the other was in control. If they had we would have noticed this all sooner.”

“Huh? But can’t they still “talk” to each other with DID?” Tsumugi asked.

“I believe that’s only in outlandish and inaccurate depictions in the media Miss Shirogane, be you referring to “talking” as either a mental or physical process. Leaving notes or recorded messages is obviously a different story, but multiple alters can’t all be “active” at the same time last I checked.”

“O-oh. I see. I… Didn’t know that.”

“That doesn’t rule out something like schizophrenia though!” Kaito spoke up, probably looking for ANY explanation that didn’t prove anything occult existed.

“Hearing voices is one thing, the voices being able to act on their own accord through the one hearing them is another I imagine. I did research as much as I was able to ensure Sister’s explanation fit. It wouldn’t have surprised me in the least if my grief over her passing had driven me mad after all.”

“It’s not like this matters anyway right? She’s clearly here now, so whatever Miss Shinguji is she’s “real” enough. I’m certainly not going to look a gift horse in the house if it means we get another girl!” Tenko pointed out and gave Shinguji a welcoming smile. (WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BAD JUDGE OF CHARACTER?!)

“Right, right~ And now that we’re all back together you can start going over bigger areas of your “world”, right Kibo?” Angie urged as she turned Tenko away from Shinguji and started marching her forwards.

“Right! So, let’s see… Well, with everything else going on the outside might be better left to tomorrow. For food breaks and everything, I wouldn’t recommend anyone else staying hooked up to this for too long. I’m a different case as I can even charge my batteries while my mind’s still in the machine. Hmm… I haven’t explained the logging out process yet, right? We could either go back to the salon for that, or you can all get an idea of what the area outside the mansion is like by heading to the roof if you’d like?”

“Let’s have a quick look at the roof and then call it a day then!” Kaede offered, which seemed agreeable to everyone. But when they did get to the door at the top of the stairs it became a slightly different story.

It was snowing! Like, actual snow! It was one thing to see a mostly white map and another to see it in person.

Any excitement Kaede felt about the change of scenery was quickly dwarfed by Kaito’s, and surprisingly enough Shinguji’s as well. Though her brother was a lot less pleased about this development, as he appeared to be turning blue out of disgust.

“Whoa! It’s snow! Look, Ryoma! SNOW! Did you ever think you’d see this again?!” Kaito exclaimed, like an excitable puppy experiencing it for the first time, while Ryoma merely shook his head and chuckled.

“And it’s cold! Actual cold, and wet too! It even smells like winter here!” Shinguji agreed, all smiles as she gracefully danced a bit, before realizing the person she primarily enjoying this with was Kaito. When he came to the same thought both paused in their merriment as they glared at each other like squabbling children.

At least before Tenko and Angie interrupted, knocking them over, made stranger by how the pause effect meant Shinguji was stuck mid-air from the impact for a moment. The moment did give Tenko the time to pose her so she wouldn’t fall on her face after she got over her initial confusion, while Kaito was left a grumpy pile on the floor as Angie laughed at them both.

Kaede nearly missed Kiyo’s reply over the sound of her own laughter, but there was no mistaking the pain in his whisper or sadness in his eyes as watched them and he clenched his fists. “But it’s all so fake.”

No one else seemed to hear him, as Gonta and Kokichi took off to look at the binoculars on their left while Kibo showed the nearly empty storage room to Tsumugi to go over how many objects he deleted.

“Kiiiibo, d-did you have to make the snow so-so cold? Angie would like to pl-play too, since she’s never s-seen snow before, but she’s really not dressed for this!” (Poor Angie, her teeth won’t stop chattering.)

“I’d also appreciate my ability to feel the cold lessened if you could,” Kiyo called from his spot near the door.

“Of course, sorry I forgot about that. I’ll see what I can do since I don’t think it’d be good for you to lose the sense entirely. Pain may not be pleasant, but it’s useful, and I think keeping the pleasure centers working is important.”

“Kukuku, now that sounds fun.”

“Hey, no fair! Kiyo said I wasn’t allowed to say any Miu type stuff anymore, so you can’t either! No double standards!”

“... You all do realize that the avatars aren’t detailed in, um… “that sort of way”, right?” Kibo said as he blushed and twiddled his fingers, oddly lacking the steam that would show up when he got like this in the real world. “I kinda forgot that was a thing, Sorry!”

“Oh? So that’s why his body isn’t as different to me as it should be. No matter. That just means we’d need to get a bit more creative, no?” Shinguji teased, though while Kibo sputtered indignantly and Kokichi snickered at his expense, Kiyo tried hiding his blush with his hand and groaned.

“A l-little cold is fine! Like an air-conditioned room would be simply d-divine~”

“Isn’t this place artificial enough as it is? Can we all please leave now?”

“Come on Korekiyo, it isn’t that bad if you give it a chance. When was the last time you even saw snow?”

“About six months ago I’d assume, give or take,” came his dry response.

“Pssh, liar. You keep scheduling trips away whenever the winter months come around,” his sister continued to tease.

“As I now have reason to believe that acting as your host means I’m often colder than those around me are, I’m very sorry if you felt slighted because of that but I don’t think I was out of line for doing so.”

“It’s fine, at least this place helps me make up for lost time. Though Idabashi, why aren’t we leaving any marks in the snow?”

“Oh, that’s a good point! If footprints don’t appear that means we can’t make snow angels later either!” Tenko exclaimed, and began to mime how exactly they worked to Angie after she whispered to her.

“Sorry, it’s a feature from the killing game simulator I can’t override. To make it harder to find murderers in this classic “closed circle” setting I assume,” he said, making the three girls’ faces drop.

As if to test something Ryoma took some snow and rolled it into a ball before rolling it down the sloped roof, and watched as it grew bigger as it went down despite not leaving a trail behind it. “Snowballs still work though, so you guys could prolly make snowmen or something if that will help.”

“We could play “war”!” Kokichi shouted, which made Tenko smile and whisper something again to the confused Angie until she brightened up too.

“What? No, war bad!” Gonta objected, appalled.

“He doesn’t mean an actual war, just a large-scale snowball fight with snow forts and stuff! It’s harmless fun Gonta, I promise.” Tsumugi assured him, before giving Ryoma and Tenko a glance. “Especially if no one can really throw any fastballs now.”

“Ugh, why’d you have to remind me? Where’s the fun in that if you can’t send one of these degenerates flying with a pre-emptive strike?”

“You can still pour snow down their necks or put rocks in the snowballs though. That’s always good for a laugh no?” Shinguji offered with an otherwise innocent looking smile.

“... I vote both Shinguji’s are banned from playing now,” Kokichi said with a nervous look on his face, while Shinguji crossed her arms and pouted which wasn't helped when she saw Kiyo happily nodding with that suggestion.

“I vote we find a better name for her than “Shinguji” too! It’s long and weird.” Angie chimed in with both hands raised above her head as if on a rollercoaster.

“Excuse me? No. Names have a power to them and I won’t have you disrespecting mine. Or ours rather.”

“But it’d make things sooo much easier. Like how about… Miyadera? That’s kinda the same as “Shinguji” right? And it kinda sounds like “murderer” in English too.” Kokichi said, leaping at the chance to troll his fellow troll.

“... Korekiyo how have you not killed him yet?”

“If I killed him wouldn’t we both still be stuck with him?” Kiyo replied with what was probably some sort of smirk.

“Ah, nevermind then. The annoying púca lives.” (The what now? Like that silly cartoon about the girl with a crush on a ninja boy?)

“W-what’s that supposed to mean?! Are you telling us Kiyo’s been killing girls to make a dead harem?!” Tenko shouted, looking ready to attack him for her assumptions. (And why shouldn’t she be for once? She’s not really wrong or anything based on how he described it to me. Still, what the heck's a "pooka"?)

“Of course not, don’t be so crude-” Kiyo started, face red with anger, before his sister chimed in.

“Of a mostly platonic sort yes! More for me than him of course, which is why he uses my standards instead of his own. He’s far less picky.” She was practically beaming while he gave her a blank stare.

“... Sister, I’m not comfortable with you addressing your friends like that.”

“Well Kirumi’s not comfortable being my friend yet, so I think that balances out. She’s still a workaholic, so it’s taking time for her to adapt.” She countered with a wink, which only made Kiyo go pale. Er, paler.

“Seriously, that’s what this was all about?! Making you “friends”?” Kaito nearly shrieked, horrified. As was everyone really, though Kaede and Gonta’s reactions were less surprised than the others.

“Yes, so what? Would you rather it be something more crude, like his own pleasure being his motive? At least he knows I take good care of the lives he sends to me, very few have such comforts for an afterlife.”

“So you think that makes this okay?” Ryoma challenged, eyes dark as he glared at them both.

“Of course it doesn’t! But neither was leaving her as lonely as she was. Possession would only help for as long as I’m still alive, so it was clear a more… permanent solution would be needed to ease her pain.”

“I… don’t think anything good will come of this conversation. Shall we all just log out now?” Kibo offered.

No one was in the mood for playing anymore, so everyone agreed and began going down the stairs one by one. It was almost like they were being filtered, so only one person could go through a door at a time.

“Why not just keep them both here?” Kokichi asked with a cold glare as they reached the salon.

“I told you, I don’t know how that might affect a human! But this does provide a safer means for Kiyo to have a larger degree of freedom, without putting the lives of others at risk, doesn’t it?”

“So, this is the hell you devised for me as punishment for what I did to Kirumi?”

“It’s not like that! I just thought it would help. And if your sister’s here it isn’t that bad, is it?” Kibo asked, looking like he could nearly cry over how his attempt at a kind gesture was being twisted.

“... No. No, it’s not. And I do thank you for your consideration, Kibo. But everything else about it will take more… “adapting” to.”

“I understand. It’s all a bit too sci-fi for me too at times. And there’s still so much left to show you all! But for now, the logout process. In order to log a person out their name will need to be said into the phone you see there. It doesn’t have to be your own name either, just in case someone got stuck or something. But this is the only landline the simulation has in it, which is why it’s also the room you’d log back into.”

As Kiyo’s process seemed the most likely to cause more glitches, and he wanted to leave the most, Gonta wanted to be the first to test it, so that someone would be there to make sure everything stayed safe when Kiyo woke up on the other side, and still be one of the first to get out. And it seemed to work at first, as he disappeared with a bright light just like Gonta had, in much the same way they initially all appeared.

Except his sister was still with them, and Kibo wasn’t sure about how to fix that.

“I may not need to sustain myself the way the living do but I would much prefer to not be limited to this place either, unit Kay One Bee Zero. I recommend you fix this soon.”

“HEY! I’m not a “unit” and don’t call me that! I-I know I need to fix this! I’m just not sure how exactly we need to tell the program to let you out too. I mean you didn’t need to press the button right?”

“Correct. I wasn’t paying too much attention to your little demonstration, but after Korekiyo disappeared with no sign of returning, I took over his body to find out what happened only to see an odd series of computer messages and woke up in this place.”

“Well, it could be good for you to stay in here. This way you could try making friends in a much healthier way than that- than your brother tried to do for you.” Tenko suggested, catching herself at the ghost’s glare. (Oh no. Bad idea Tenko, just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean you can trust her at all!)

Shinguji looked ready to snap at her, before thinking better of it with a grin that had more malice than she likely intended to show. “You may have a point there if you wish to try spending more time with me, Miss Chabashira. It’s not like I’ve really had a chance to get to know you, without your cruel bigotry.”

“S-sure! And a bit of distance would probably do you both some good from what I’ve seen! I mean the way you two treat each other… Doesn’t exactly seem sibling-y. No offense!” (HOW IS THAT NOT OFFENSIVE TO BRING UP EVER TENKO?! I mean you’re not wrong , but it’s still super creepy!)

“No, I understand. You heard before, he’s the only company I had for quite some time before my end. Whether I liked it or not. And well, you know what they say. A brother is a poor substitute for a lover.” Shinguji said, voice smooth as silk as she… flirted with Tenko? Tenko certainly seemed to think that’s what this was. Her face burned crimson and held her hands up as if in surrender when the former leaned close to her. Close enough that Kaede suspected she forgot the avatar's pausing trigger again.

Before things could go any further, not that they could without freezing her, Tsumugi felt the need to correct what Shinguji said with a cold, serious expression on her simplified face. “You mean “son”.”

“What are rambling about now?”

“The line was “A son is a poor substitute for a lover.” And a “poor substitute” is still a substitute, isn’t it?”

“Well, what do you know, the otaku does know at least some true classics. So, what’s your point?” Miss Shinguji’s grin was nothing but ice as she dared the girl to accuse her of what they probably all suspected by this point. (I can only hope everyone’s hoping this isn’t true just as much. It’s just so… sick. And gross.)

“My point is you’re not saying “no”.”

“And why should this matter to any of you? Particularly you, Miss Shirogane. You strike me as the type to be more than interested in these sorts of relationships .” (EWWW. Nononono. WHY?! EVEN IF IT’S A LIE, WHY GO THERE?! Goddamnit both of you, what the hell?! Isn’t two sickos enough? Fucking anime.)

“T-that’s different! I’m an only child after all! Ages and relations don’t matter if they’re all fictional-” (THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY OF THAT SHIT OKAY TSUMUGI, YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO CONFIRM THIS!)

“Hypocrite.” Shinguji hissed with so much hate the word felt like a curse. “I know what you are. You can tell yourself all the lies you like to make yourself feel more at ease over your “taboo” interests, but make no mistake. Fiction isn’t just a harmless means of expression when it encourages “unhealthy” mindsets. Out of everyone here, if you start tossing stones your own glass house will take just as much damage.”

Kaede took a deep breath before asking the one thing she really didn’t want to. “So, it is true?”

“So what if it is? Is there any point in denying it at this point, Miss Akamatsu? Why should this change anything? Aren’t you all just glad to have yet another “moral” reason to hate Us?”

“Why the hell would we?! We don’t want to dislike him! Or, uh “you”? Fuck it, you know what I mean. Both of you just keep giving us reasons to distrust you! I mean hell, are you listening to yourself? You have to know how wrong this is!” Kaito challenged back, despite obviously being disturbed. On more levels than one, considering what he’s talking to right now.

“If we don’t intend to procreate, why exactly is it “wrong”? Did that make Izanagi or Izanami “wrong”? Zeus or Hera? Obviously yes, humans indulging in relations like the gods only begets genetic misfortune in the long run. But that hardly kept royalty with the “divine right of kings” on their side from wanting to keep things “in the family” so to speak, no? And it’s not like I had many options to choose from before.”

“You’re the one who said “justifications aren’t excuses”, so why are you doing the same thing huh?! You can’t just pretend genetics are the only issue here, power dynamics are too! The breach or exploitation of trust. The drastic change of expectations and boundaries. Not to mention how hard it makes the idea of “consent”. No matter who pushed for it, with your extreme situation could the other really say “no”?!” Kaito shouted back, looking like his anger was outweighing his phobias for the time being. (If she isn’t a ghost what would that say about any of this? This is so screwed up. Would this be more or less disgusting if she’s just an overactive figment of Kiyo’s imagination after all?)

“Well, why should that matter to you?! Even if it started out of pity he clearly came around eventually. If both parties are happy what else should matter? You aren’t going to claim you care about him are you?” Shinguji snapped back, hair wild like a ball of writhing snakes and eyes nearly glowing in their intensity. She leveled her glare at everyone, as if looking for one to claim she’s wrong, that felt like it froze them in their tracks like a monster of myth. (No wonder Kiyo said it was a favorite. The resemblance is uncanny.)

But before the argument could go any further another light flashed and Kiyo was back in the room. He looked about as disoriented as Shinguji did when she arrived, like he was barely able to hold himself up.

“Huh? Kibo, why didn’t that work?” Kiyo began asking before he started to process the looks the others were giving him. “... Did something… Did I miss something?”

“Nothing dear, nothing at all.” His sister replied as she helped hold him steady, taking his hand in hers.

“What? Then why are they all looking at me like-” There was a panic to his voice Kaede wasn’t sure she ever heard before. Not during his motive video, and not during the last trial.

She understood the look in his eye this time. He was afraid of them, as the realization dawned. “... You…  didn’t?” (After scaring the rest of us for so long it should feel better to have it go the other way, right?)

“Apologies brother, I shouldn’t have doubted you when you said they could be quite clever. Would you have rather I lied?” She asked, smiling like nothing was wrong. As if daring him to deny her in a final effort to save some face. Knowing he never would, not with the way he adored her so much. Too much.

“I… see. So no more use hiding it then?” His voice was quiet, as if hoping they wouldn’t hear how nervous this change made him.

“Well, to be fair neither of you did much to hide anything! Like… EVER,” Kokichi snarked.

“Shaddup Kokichi! Let’s just… Focus on leavin’ for now, okay? Any ideas why Kiyo came back Kibo?” Kaito snapped, trying to focus on anything else.

“I think I do. As long as one mind’s still in the machine their body can’t wake up I think, so logging only one out will just result in a loop like this. And if she has his avatar, using his name might work to log them both out. So let’s just try that, and if it doesn’t everyone else can go while I stay and work this out.”

Kibo’s theory seemed right on the money, as this time when “Korekiyo Shinguji” was said into the phone it was his sister who vanished instead of him. Before he had time to panic over that he was logged out in the same breath, and after giving it a minute to assure them neither would be poofing back Kaito was the next to leave.

After Kaito went Ryoma, followed by Kaede and Tsumugi, while Tenko and Angie left right before Kibo so he could catch any other errors that may have occurred. But nothing did for a change.

The only oddity to be found was when they woke up to see Kiyo with his mask off again. Or rather his sister, judging from her painted smile and colder gaze, sitting beside a very confused looking Gonta. Explaining this mess to him later was not going to be pleasant. But her voice was different when she spoke this time, now that she was back to using her brother’s falsetto as a pale imitation of her own.

“I hope you understand if He’s not really up for conversation right now. If there’s no need to hide anything from you all anymore then there’s no problem with me showing up more often, no?”

“Hell yeah, we have a problem with that, brotherfucker! We have enough crazy judgy bitches in here.” Kokichi was quick to claim, earning him her ire again. But this time she kept calm as she replied.

“I’d be more respectful of your elders if I were you, brat.”

“Pretty sure being dead makes ages a biiiit of a moot point.”

“I disagree. While I may have died before I could graduate, and thus “count” as a student, had I not I’d be 23 right now. I’m reasonably confident that makes me the eldest “student” here, as disgraceful as it is.”

“... Wooow. So we got ourselves a case of incest, necrophilia, and statutory rape on our hands! You take the evil bitch cake, that’s for sure. No wonder you’re both so fucked up, with Kiyo having your voice in his head for so long. Did you start telling him to kill people for the funsies, or was that just his brand of evil?”

“Excuse me?! Strictly speaking, the defilement of any bodies has never occurred between us, and if you do wish to claim my age “shouldn’t count” I would still be 17!  So I’ll ignore that last bit of slander for now.”

“It’s only slander if it’s a lie you know, and if you think of yourself as being 23 while your brother is still a teenager I think it still counts. But no matter what the answer really is I’d say you’re both still to blame. Takes two to tango and all. Standing or sideways.”

You do realize if they were intimate before she died he couldn’t have been older than 12 or something right Kokichi!? Assuming Kiyo’s 18 now, which I’m not sure he is. Blaming both for his murders and trying to kill me I understand, but not anything sexual, that’s her fault regardless of who wanted to start it! … Wait, if Kiyo was that young, or younger, when she died was he lying about when she made his uniform?

“Stop talking you two or I’ll make you! Can we all just go now?! It’s late and I’m feeling pretty nauseous.” Tenko said, thoroughly uncomfortable by this conversation.

“Yeah, I agree. Let’s all just call it a night. We can deal with…” Kaito took the second to pause before vaguely gesturing at Shinguji, with a hand to his mouth as if trying to hide how sick he felt. “This, tomorrow or somethin’. ‘Cause we might need a change in the containment plan from now on.”

Angie was the first to leave with that option made available to her, and the others quickly followed suit. She must have been really unsettled by everything, since she'd gotten so quiet. But if she needed any help Tenko was probably the person best able to do it right now, rather than Kaede. Maybe Angie’d be able to help encourage Tenko to stop being so open-minded to people just for being girls while they’re at it.

But before bed, Kaede went by the wisteria again for Ryoma and Kaito’s nightly training, despite Gonta’s vain attempts to encourage following Angie’s nightly curfew before he was dragged off by Kokichi.

As it turned out the pants didn’t help much at all, and sit ups were only slightly easier on her body than the hell known as push-ups. But she still managed to do more reps then Kaito did. Which admittedly wasn’t saying much, particularly not with how having a “ghost” among them was still affecting him, but helped her confidence a little anyway. (Err, wait. Are they “reps” or “sets”? Stupid weird exercise terms. At least with everything going on it’s easier to ignore Maki’s absence now. I’m sorry Maki. I couldn’t help you.)

“Come on Kaito, is that really the best you can do? You’ve still got a ways to go as an astronaut trainee if you can be outdone by a rusty prisoner and a pianist. She even got dressed up just to show you up.”

“H-hey, it’s not my fault! It’s, uh… that pulled muscle acting up again!”

“Where, on your funny bone? ‘Cause it’s sure not anywhere that involves actual work.”

“Ow, you sure they didn’t call you “Killer Tennis” ‘cause you always go for the jugular?”

“At least I had the skills so that I was known for something Captain Usopp.”

Kaede couldn’t help but laugh when the two started bickering. (Pretty sure the only reason he acts so lazy with these is to make us laugh. What else could it be? He can’t really be sick and hiding it, right?)

“Ya know what? Why don't we take a break and just talk tonight?”

“And so the guy who roped us into this nonsense finally gives up. What’s on your mind?”

“I dunno, you’re not supposed to have a topic in mind when you do this sorta thing, right?”

“What? If you don’t have an idea to serve how do you expect anyone to react to it? All a conversation is a back-and-forth of ideas you know. Someone has to put things into motion.”

“... Was that a tennis pun Ryoma?” Kaede asked with a sly smile. Ryoma took a moment to go over what he just said before laughing at himself.

“Old habits die hard I guess.”

“Hm, well here’s a question: Next time we have the time ya wanna try teaching me some piano Kaede? I’m pretty sure I asked you about it before. We could even do it in place of training one of these nights!”

“That depends. How serious were you about using it to talk to aliens?”

“...What?” Ryoma asked, holding back a laugh that nearly lost him his candy cig.

“Dead serious! Music can communicate beyond language barriers!”

“You really liked Macross as a kid or something, didn’t you?”

“Don’t you go dissing Minmay on me man, at least I’m not stealing finishing moves outta manga.”

“Hey, of all the crimes I’ve committed no one's ever tried getting me for copyright infringement.”

“Yet.” Kaito shot back with a cocky smile.

“I don’t think copyright laws even work like that, you guys.”

“Still, is that a yes? Not for tonight of course.”

Ryoma leaned over to her and stage whispered. “Just let him have this excuse to be a lazy bum. We all know he’s just scared that if you keep practicing you’ll be able to deadlift his ass one of these days.”

As Kaito sputtered and started giving his tall tale excuses again Kaede could only laugh.

“You could always ask Kaede to try teachin’ ya something too you know.”

“Yeah right, because clearly I can reach all the keys and foot pedals no problem. Pretty sure I’ll pass.”

“W-well I mean for duets that isn’t really true! Since when you have another person you don’t need to focus on as large of an area on the keyboard after all. And those pedals aren’t always needed either.”

“Heeey, now there’s an idea-” Kaito teased as he ribbed his friend some more.

“Shut up.” Despite his harsh tone Kaede was pretty sure Ryoma had started blushing again, but she wasn’t really sure why. (I mean sure it’d be a beginner duet but there’s nothing to really be embarrassed about. Should I offer to teach him with a smaller piano or something outside? Hopefully one that’s tuned right.)

She hardly noticed when it was time for them to head back to their dorms as they hashed out some ideas for future piano lessons. Hopefully they wouldn’t all just end up being idle talk, but even if it was at least it was fun. Maybe it’d even open the door to watching Kaito and Ryoma play a tennis match soon too.

Though I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to play it myself. I mean, I’ve never really been allowed to since a pianist can’t really afford to let anything happen to their hands. I’d even need to sit out in gym a lot. … Probably why it’s still so hard for me to keep up with these athletic types. Even Kaito’s holding back. I think. Why else would he offer to train with us so late at night if he really wasn’t able to do it himself?

It was all almost enough to forget the chaos of the day by the time she got to her dorm. But when she did, she saw Monodam’s “bed” was still untouched with the little Monomi doll she'd tucked into it the night before, and it all came rushing back. She hadn’t even been in the mood to do her doll checks anymore.

Hopefully that wasn’t a bad sign of anything. Sure, she’d felt kinda… empty at times, but with everything going on Kaede figured that should be expected. Between the flashback lights, and Kiyo-

When exactly did I start thinking of him as “Kiyo” again? It’s not like I’ve forgiven him at all. But it is shorter and who knows what Angie and Kokichi might try as far as “naming” his sister goes. God that’s a mess...

Kaede shook her head as she went to bed, but at least it felt like it didn’t take long to sleep this time.

That just made Monokuma’s visit and pestering about her Love Key all the more annoying though. But despite her nearly literally kicking him out he didn’t seem bothered by her anger. If anything he just found it all the more amusing, for whatever sick reason he had this time.

But whatever it was she decided to ignore it and get whatever rest she could. She’d probably need it.

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[srlkiller]

today was a lot. i had a 1on1 therapy thing that was supposed to be like an INTRO TO UR RECOVERY WOO!!! LETS GET UR MENTAL HEALTH IN CONTROL!!! But instead it turned into me having 4 panic attacks constantly crying while venting to a social worker in a room w no air con for 2 hours about ‘how my month has been’ and ‘why i haven’t been attending any of my group therapy?’ well sue sweetie.. u asked me…n boy did i give u the answer ur career as a social worker has been WAITING 4!! then i got my 1st covid shot & briefly spoke to my doctor who was rude asf so i was like ok today fucked. Centrelink also called me and told me wrong info which fucked me over. then i see my dad calling and im like OFC HE IS!!massive fight as per n he hangs up but then continues via text bc hes petty asf.

BUT not as petty as my mom bc that is literally how the fight started. bc of her. like this bitch omg. she purposely runs off to my dad and tells him every little thing i do ‘wrong’ bc she knows his temper and how afraid i am of him due to past events so she uses him to basically do her dirty work for her n ‘scare me’. like that’s how manipulative and fucked up she is in the head. she made up a whole ass lie and told my dad that i said to my mom the only reason i was trying to stay in contact with my dad was so that i remain in his will as like the sole beneficiary or whatever….. how sick and twisted must you be to lie to someone directly in their face about something so serious INVOLVING UR OWN CHILD that you share with that person????? i would NEVER! say that about my dad. EVER. this happened months ago btw. as soon as i spoke about it w my dad and i was like “what.. dad i would never say that you know i don’t give a fuck about money like that i don’t care about your will why would i even be thinking about your will?” he was like wait actually that’s fucked up ur right. It was actually HER who made that comment. she got my dad to go and fix fencing at my nans house for free (using him) n my dad mentioned he had a girlfriend. my mum came home & SAID TO ME “u better hurry up and get in ur dads good books now that he has a gf.. before she gets a hold of his will and u end up w nothing” and i simply told her that my dad would never take me off his will regardless so why say that to me. once she got exposed she backtracked and was like “oh it was just a joke” & both my dad and I were both saying that even as a joke how is that funny? how does your mind even start to think in that way? how is this funny to you? then she flips it. her scripts are so repetitive now that ive caught on that i can actually predict what she’s gonna say before she opens her mouth. she manipulates u into thinking ur reality isn’t correct.. saying things like “ omg ur over reacting lol ur so dramatic no wonder no one takes u seriously in life, grow up, i have no idea what ur going on about, have u taken ur medication for the day, have u lost it, are u high on something?” like what in the fuck?

i never once mentioned anything about anyones will.. when i was younger i made the mistake obviously of telling her that my dad was leaving me his house. when my nans will was getting exposed she became overly obsessed w wills in general and changed hers. im guessing behind my back she has actually taken me off now but i don’t want her dirty ass money which is stolen from my accounts anyway. my nan left all her grandchildren a large sum of money that was supposed to be equally split among us, its now been over a year since my nan passed & i noticed a group text come up on my moms phone from her sisters talking about what they did for their children with that money. one of them paid off their entire hex debt so it must be a substantial amount. i have not seen a cent which means she has taken it for herself, put it in her name and placed it into a secret account without my knowledge. if it’s as much $ as i believe it is, this could seriously help me move out and better my situation which she constantly tells me she wants me to get the fuck out ect. yet you are holding the key to the door in ur hand? that’s twisted and very sick. they fought for a year over my nans money and all i asked for was an old XXXX gold stubby holder that was my grandads bc it was very sentimental to me. instead, they chose to have a garage sale and sold all of my nans things and sold that stubby holder to a random person for 20 cents………. i was in shock when i found out.. and they laughed and were like get over it omg it’s just a stubby holder you can just buy another one. these people are so fucked up but they all made me feel like i was losing my mind my whole life. money isn’t shit without sentiment. i could have given you 20 cents if you need that shit so bad. im only attached partially to these evil ass roaches by some genetics but to me none of them are my family. not once have i ever felt cared for, loved, accepted, safe or happy in their presence. i am only ever wanted when they can gain something from me. that is not family. my grandad was big on family n my nan and my grandad are the only two people i claim as family from my moms side. my nans two blind siblings who i admired & adored + a few of my grandads siblings were the only ones who actually showed interest in getting to know me & didn’t look down on me in any way. i was never considered ‘less than’ or not good enough yet i was the family disappointment to my mom and her sisters. but they have never seen her like i see her. the way she acts in front of family is not the person i know. she’s very good at acting. the way she pretends to be a ‘mother’ in front of her own family is actually scary. she’s like the ultimate con artist except she’s too fucking dumb to actually scam people and get rich off of her ability to manipulate whoever she wants. what a shame ur not intelligent.. that sure must suck huh. my nan gave me that maternal love i never had from my mother and my grandad was always that man who held us all together as a unit. when he got sick everything changed and started to go down hill. they had to give up their entire property, his big beautiful garden and vegetables he was really passionate about, the horses and land ect. my nan planted a rose bush and it grew big and blossomed big red roses and she said this is for you, my little rachel rose 🌹 🥺 she said she wanted to take the whole ass bush w her and replant it 😂 but my grandad was like we are not taking a fucking huge ass rose bush w thorns in the car w us Gloria.. i only remembered this today during that therapy session and i hyperventilated so bad n just started crying.. bc i couldn’t believe my brain had blocked that memory for so long just to recover it now that she’s no longer here to share it with.

i can feel the love my dad has for me even when he’s temperamental.. you can see it in his face and his eyes. when i look at my mom i try desperately to find some sort of just fucking anything and… i see nothing. i can tell that she doesn’t feel anything. but she does for other children. just not me. so i know she isn’t a heartless bitch and is capable of emotions of all sorts.. but anything to do with me it’s almost like im invisible or she cannot see fault in her self. she cannot in any way accept anything she has ever done, she has never said the words ‘I’m sorry’ for anything ever in life involving me, she has stood by (literally stood and watched) while her own sisters verbally abused me as a minor calling me out my name AND one even texted my best friend at the time who was about 14 saying that i was a bitch. meaning my mom gave my aunt my friends number to text that message.. my friends mom was livid about this bc what grown ass woman texts a random 14 year old girl paragraphs of shit like that swearing at them and saying that their friend is a rude ungrateful bitch. her mom reacted as a mother should. as i would love my mother to stick up for me just once in life.. u kno.. ever? i still remember my first SUI attempt at like 16 after being abused and this person told me they were leaving and coming back so i had about a 10 min window of time and i panicked as any 16 young girl home alone would.. i called my mom for help bc ur parents are supposed to protect you. her wording was “well what did u do to make him hit you?” “you know that you deserved that”. i was in disbelief that she would react like that.. she was talking so calmly while i was crying hysterically having a panic attack telling her this man was coming back in 10 mins asking her to please help me.. and all she could say was.. “you probably deserved it”. ive never been the same since then tbh. im not blessed enough to be a parent yet, i may never be.. but i know for a fucking FACT that i would NEVER say any of the shit that she says to me to ANY child let alone MY OWN?!?

you had me at 36 years old. you had time to think about this and evaluate whether you thought you would be able to care for a child and make a good parent. If you “didn’t want to deal with me” then you had other options.. you could have sent me to foster care, you could have adopted me out, you could aborted me, shidddd you could have mf swallowed me bitch let’s be real. no, you chose to have a child. there’s no 18 year contract.. she loves to play that card. “UR AN ADULT NOW”, what about me makes me an adult, my age makes me an adult to you? yet you’ve kept me so childlike, so codependent & haven’t taught me basic life skills despite me asking to learn. like im deadass watching YouTube videos to teach myself basic ass life skills… that is sad as fuck. when im 48… guess what??? i am still your child and unfortunately for me!! you are STILL my parent. there’s no changing that bc you made that choice. you can’t just b like yeah i change my mind nvm i want to return it…… like that is really her attitude. i was born with a lot of health issues that have escalated a lot and only continue to get worse with age both mental and physical. guess what tho… if ur child is born with defects u don’t get to just b like omg ew i don’t want it now this one’s too difficult. like trust me.. if i was one of those lil sperm rn i am not about to fertilise u for NOTHING if this is the consequence I’d rather jus keep on swimming lmao.

[a-writers-block]

𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐏𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

[7] The Reader and The Rebel

“You what?” Gio asks in an exasperated tone.

After a long walk away from the market and introductions (without revealing Gio’s real identity), Rama slowly broke down the details on why he’s been out of the palace and wandering off alone.

Rama seems to doubt himself as an ideal king for the kingdom. Every other fabric of his existence isn’t what his people need, it’s the strength to protect them from the evil that lurks on the surface. It was a prophecy a long time ago that three wives will bore children that would keep the peace in the kingdom. One of these children, Rama, shall lead an army and eliminate the demon, Ravana.

But how could Rama ever do such a thing without the physical strength of a true warrior? Ever since he was a child, he was the perfect son. As he grew up, he began to feed himself with words of the gods and got a hold of a formidable strength but one day, he suddenly felt ill and weakened. His body changed as if a sorcery happened.

Since then, everyone in the kingdom was terrified as soon as they laid their eyes on the chosen lad.

Since then, his wife never looked at him the same as before. Even with her kind gestures towards him, he can sense her doubt of him as a ruler and a savior. A sudden flash of her screaming as he pleaded Rama to save her from the monstrous figure of Ravana came into his mind. He wanted to save her… but he couldn’t.

“No one in the land deserves a leader as such and thus, here I am. Trying to find my ulterior purpose.” He stopped walking and sat on a dusty seat. He looked up and saw the city above them, “The prophecy wasn’t valid enough to believe in. I am no king, nor a warrior, nor a savior, but a mere human now.” He took a deep breath and washed off the feeling.

Gio, now calmed down from the story, stared at him in remorse. According to the poem, the author sculpted Rama as a tall man with impressive features such as deep-toned muscles and limbs, a massive jaw and ample chest, with defined collarbone, a well-proportioned frame, big bright eyes that is sweet and divine, and a soft skin with a lustrous dark complexion.

His walk is firm and powerful that everyone respects and follows. He is confident with himself and is trained to become a warrior.

But without the page of his story, Rama cannot have all those things.

Gio slumped next to him.

“Don’t say such a thing. You are a king. Your purpose is to save the kingdom from its impending doom. No one can ever do that except you.”

“Look at me.” Rama pointed out, “Is this what an ideal king, who’ll save the kingdom, should look like? How can I help them with my weak bones and structure? I can’t even protect my wife.” Rama’s voice cracked. The picture of his wife, Sita, being abducted by Ravana was still fresh in his mind.

“You might have lost your physical strength but can’t you see? Your virtue as a king is still inside you. Nothing in this kingdom needs more than a person with the will to protect them. What you have inside is what matters.”

“You don’t understand! You’re being idealistic on how to end this misery,” Rama rests his hand on his chest, “I’m trying to be practical. I cannot save this kingdom nor my wife with just my virtues.”

“But protecting them is your duty. You’re running away from your destiny. Is this how’ll you pay the gods for creating you? They made you with a valid reason and now, you’re keeping yourself from doing it? You’re leaving them on their own?”

“What do you know about my responsibilities? You don't know how big this is for me. And without a strength to fight? You know nothing about my struggles.”

A beat.

Gio laughs sarcastically, “Sir, I believe I have my own responsibilities, too. How could you insult me with my lack of knowledge about yours? Do you know mine? You know nothing! I don’t have much knowledge myself but look at me,” he pointed to himself, “I’m here now, walking on eggshells as I try to figure things out. You don’t know anything about me.”

A beat.

“I think you’re leaving them because they can’t accept the changes in you.” Gio continues.

That made Rama think for a moment and then look at the reader dead in the eyes, “Isn’t it unfortunate that what they used to see in someone will just suddenly disappear?” A hint of distress in his voice.

“I was scared of how they would react to my changes. It seems like... they only wanted me in use for something. I was the perfect son after all. I followed every rule and prophecy in my life. But will it all make sense if I have nothing?”

A beat.

Gio didn’t know how to respond. He couldn’t just convince Rama to embrace his duty as a king with this talk. The man is at the bottom of his doubts as a ruler that they interrupted his decisions. Rama wants to help the kingdom; he just doesn’t know it.

Rama began to walk away from him.

“W-Wait! Where are you going?” Gio followed his pace.

Shades of trees overshadowed them as they went into the depths of the woods. Gio, drowned in his thoughts, didn’t realize that they were already near a river and beside it stood an enormous tree.

“Calm myself down.”

Gio was rooted in his place as he stared at the tree in awe. Rama sat beside the tree and started washing his face with the cold water from the river calming himself down from his outburst earlier.

Rama sighed.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

“It’s alright, sir. We gotta vent out once in a while.” Gio shrugs.

“It’s actually my first time doing that.” Rama chuckles, “It’s actually felt nice.”

“I, for myself, do venting as a hobby.”

Rama’s brows furrowed, “Come to think about it, we’ve been talking about my life but none was shared with yours.”

Gio smiles, “It's an unbelievable story, trust me, sir. But one thing’s I wanna assure you, I’m a friend.”

“I know.” A confident voice laced between Rama’s words.

“You know?” Gio jokingly asked.

“I’m still an incarnation of Vishnu. I can tell.”

A beat.

A sudden whoosh of the cold breeze washes Gio’s face. The sun is almost done setting. The shade of the blue sky darkened as stars became visible in the skies. The moon lit behind the enormous tree that had Gio asking.

“Did you grow this tree on your own?” His voice was curious.

Rama answered, “No. It happened that I saw the tree just standing there when I went out to hunt for food. Since then, I started to care about it.” Rama smiles, “Once, my wife got jealous of whatever I come back here for. If she only knew…” Sadness crossed his eyes, “If only I could tell her now…”

“You can.” Gio said, convincingly.

Gio stood up and slapped his hands together and it echoed through the woods.

“Are we having this conversation all over again?”

Gio sighs, “I’ll help. At least let me.”

Rama directed his eyes on Gio and all he could see was a man determined to help him. How could someone be so confident over a situation that is hopeless?

“How?”

Gio began to walk back and forth, a habit he has inherited from his mum when he’s thinking about something. He’s trying to remember Sharma’s words; the prophecy, the process of collecting the pages, his power.

These words are not embedded on a mere paper but objects that reflect the character’s desire.

Desire…?

Objects…?

Strength……

All of a sudden, a low growl echoed through the woods. Screams of terror came after.

Rama recognized that voice. He abruptly stood up and looked around. The moonlight glances between the trees. An ominous wind blew off as magnificent stomps shook the ground.

Sita.

Rama ran through the darkness and searched for the voices. He called out for Sita’s name. Gio, on the other hand, tried to calm him down, “Sir, please. We mustn’t attack without any plans. Besides, in your current state, you’re dead if the monster touches you.”

“But my wife…” He tried to reason out.

“I know but…” In a stroke of a moment, Gio had a realization, “Let me figure something out.”

In a confused and frustrated manner, Rama looked at him as he approached the gigantic tree. Gio’s hands travelled through its magnificent barks searching for something. Something that could complete the story.

Words.

Rama wanted nothing but power to help the kingdom and his wife. If his intuitions were right, the tree that Rama’s been taking care of all this time… symbolizes strength. Rama’s strength. The attachment of the chosen one to the tree makes it believable that the tree contains the lost page.

At that moment as Gio traced the lines on the trees, the moon lit above him. Jackpot.

But the sequence of events happened so fast that the ground once again shook and a gigantic monster was already approaching them. Ten heads popped out of the bright moonlight, arms were strong and firm. One of them was holding Sita.

“Rama!” The demon’s voice boomed.

Rama tried to dodge the demon. He took out his sword and tried to hold it with all of his might. His eyes flared with determination as he ran toward Ravana. But without even putting a lot of effort, the demon slapped Rama off across the trees. The demon laughed.

“I cannot believe the Vishnu entrusted the kingdom to a weakling like you.”

Rama plunges his sword into the ground as he stands with his bruised weak body.

Gio didn’t know what to do. He found the texts but what now? He just stood there and watched as Rama sacrificed himself and kept throwing worthless attacks on the demon. Gio’s heart pulsed. Another set of voices putting him in a stressful and anxious state. Then a ringing sound of Sharma kept playing in his head.

What you do best is the power you shall take a hold onto.

What…What else can he do best except… to read.

The words were meant to be read.

Gio took a deep breath. It’s all or nothing. He began to read the words inscribed on the bark. The tree began to release a golden glow as the words popped out of it. His eyes searched for the movement of light as it passed through the air right behind him.

Rama huffed. Bruises’ color began to darken as he stared with his swollen eyes at the demon who’s trying to force Sita on him. The anger was visible in Rama’s eyes. A sudden electricity washes over Rama’s body. A bright light passes through his skin. He felt light as a feather but strong as a buffalo. His arms and legs thickened, his chest began to take shape, His hands traced every muscle that came into him.

He’s back.

Rama grabs his sword and with a loud growl, he charges towards the confused monster and strikes him on his throat. Just like that, screams came out of the monster’s mouth. Rama pulls down his sword down the monster’s heart. He then cuts off the arm that is holding his wife.

Gio approaches the lady and helps her away from the dead body.

----

As the sun rises, Gio watches Rama and Sita’s retreating figure as he goes back to the kingdom and Sita embarks on her own journey. Gio smiled. Be like Rama, they say. Someone who is virtuous, heroic, and true. Some also say, Be like Sita. Someone who is strong and makes her own destiny.

“I don’t know how it all happened but I’m glad I trusted you. You truly are a great help for me. I cannot thank you enough.” Rama offered Gio a piece of gold.

Gio declined the offer, “Gold is nothing compared to the trust you have given me, Sir.”

Rama looked at him with awe and then smiled.

Gio stills as he felt someone grab the hem of his emerald robe. A child.

Gio leveled the child and smiled which the child returned.

“Thank you.” The child says as he looked at the two characters of the story went their own separate ways. Gio was confused at first but then a realization hit him.

“I am honored to be of your help.”

A chapter closes and once again, Gio embarks to his next quest.

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