#and unpack some stuff )

[customboytoyz]

i had a moment earlier where a (very white and incredibly annoying) person was ranting to me about trans guys in our circle being "too masculine and shoving masculinity in everyones faces"

and im literally sitting there feeling like peter parker. Like bitch.... if you only knew what im known for on tumblr.........

[seilon]

i wonder if in a hypothetical season 2, where charles continues on the trajectory he seems to be on at the end of s1 and gets progressively more and more flirty and showy with edwin now that he knows edwin’s into him and all that– if edwin would A) be absolutely smitten and flirty and almost giggly in response to the point where the others would have to snap them both out of their tension-heavy gay nonsense in order to get them to focus on literally anything, eventually culminating in the tension abruptly breaking when one (or both) of them just can’t stand it anymore and kisses the other. B) flattered and flustered at first, but sooner or later starts building up a frustration that eventually explodes in charles’ direction over how he keeps teasing him, acting like he reciprocates and making it feel like he has a chance when he “knows” he doesn’t, making it a cruel and painful reminder of what he wants and can’t have– which charles, impulsive as he is, cuts short by kissing him in such a way that the reciprocation is undeniable.

either way that gayass tension is gonna have to come to a head and i wanna see it so bad i wanna see it sosososososo bad

[danaclese]

On Charli Ramsey being Hawkeye

Hawkeye was the first superhero to make me feel seen as a hearing impaired person and to know that the mantle of hawkeye is doing the same for somebody else out there now has me in tears.

I hope the character is handled correctly and has good stories for a long time.

[cienie-isengardu]

Ghostface: You died once. Wanna do it again? Noob Saibot: If needed to kill you, yes.

[nightly-valkyrie]

Woe, more Randgríðr upon ye 🫴

Art once again from: @tanuki-pyon

I love getting pride commissions of them. Even if their story is sad, seeing them get to have joy makes me happy :))))

[bonefall]

maybe with the ending.. make it be like the link between Breezepelt's leaving to join Kin and his POV in AVOS? of course from Nightcloud's perspective but

like. she would be injured and recovering away from the clan. but they would be unaware that she is alive and like in canon assume she died and hold her a vigil. Breezepelt, who is already at low point, taking it very badly - yes he was pushing her away bc he was hurt and angry and started taking it out on her, but.. it's still his mom. his Mi. and she is dead? or is this stupid clan just going to believe this to make it easier? are they really giving up on looking for her, or her body??

i can see Nightcloud being the one of very few, if not THE Only one, things that kept Breezepelt in WindClan at this point. and without her, what's the point? it's not like anyone else likes him. the link is gone and they buried it in a bodyless vigil. so it's what pushes him to actuall take the step and leave.

not sure how well it would align with the timeline and events. and how soon Darktail was assembling cats from other clans like Breeze. but i think it would be interesting and heartbreaking if at the end of her SE, Nightcloud just arrived back to WindClan and asks where Breezepelt is and someone tells her.. he either was missing since this morning or just left the clan earlier the same day. like, just have them miss each other by a hair.

I'm thinking that the second-to-last chapter is her with Pickle, having a bit of a sabbatical to unpack everything that happens through the story. Mostly because I want to throw her into some kind of pretty garden as a nice setting for this lmaoo

A LOT of BB stuff is being added to Nightcloud's Pannage that wasn't in the main series; Hillrunner's abuse, her mentor Addersong, several expanded little background characters now complete with their own side conflicts. I think what I can bind all these things with is Nightcloud considering what a Clan means.

Because of her new reputation, I'm noticing I'm writing scenes where she's intentionally doing and saying things to try and sway them. While also grappling with her resentment towards them, and things she can't change.

There's a bit of a melancholy air so far, so I'm starting to feel like the best ending is just having a bit of space to herself to think. Ultimately, she decides that it's more than Breezepelt or Crowfeather that binds her to WindClan. It's the life and connections she COULD have.

WindClan cats are also quite religious next to other Clans, so I really do mean "sabbatical." I'm going to have Addersong die of old age shortly after they reconnect, so she's in Pickle's Garden talking to her new friend, choosing cats she's lost to pray to as patron spirits to give her the traits she feels she needs, and just recovering both physically from injury and spiritually from turmoil.

So all that to say; it works well that by the time she gets back, Breezepelt has joined The Kin. He was one of the first to join when he started calling for members anyway, so having Night be gone for about two or three weeks sounds appropriate.

[mirror-and-mind]

I had a horrible nightmare where a bilingual fan came out and said that no way would anyone who didn't speak Japanese ever be able to understand Karakasa, because there was too much subtle nuance in the Japanese dialogue that could never be translated into English. Woke up in a cold sweat.

[acearchivist359]

so . tmagp 21 …….. what the fuck just happened

[bluestjayy]

Move complete 😭

[think-queer]

If you view any group of trans people as essentially "hysterical whiny women afabs who don't have any real problems and need to shut up" then please stay far far away from me

[dollypopup]

penelope, intentions, privacy, and the infantalization of innocence

or: a call to see Penelope as the complicated character she actually is

there has been, for some good time now, a sense in the general fandom space that hinges on Penelope being a perfect angel who did everything she did out of altruism, or a feeling of separating or minimizing her actions through Whistledown, divorcing her from her decisions (in the classic 'she had no choice' or 'no one listened to her as Pen' fabrications). and i am here to, once again, beg for a nuanced look at her, and in particular those who cared for her whom she hurt deeply

let's dig in

Lady Whistledown is Penelope's coping mechanism, and it is clear from the first article she wrote. Penelope is posturing, putting on a front. This first article is the root of her intentions, the core of what she hopes for, and the mold for which she wishes to be. Just read some of these lines

I know people better than they know themselves. I can see what is happening behind closed doors better than those behind them.

This is an act, a falsity. Penelope *doesn't* know more about people than they know about themselves. How could she? She is largely ignored by the general populace. She wrote this article before she was even out in society. She had little access to balls or information, her sisters debuted with her, and her mother and father weren't particularly popular members of the community. What Penelope knew of others, she knew from external observations.

This is where the falsification first begins: she can't possibly see what is happening behind closed doors, but she wants to. Penelope is an outsider wanting to look in, wanting to look in so deeply that she understands and knows others in intimate ways without putting in the hard work of gaining their trust. LW being published before Penelope is out in the general society is proof of Penelope's powerlessness in the general scheme of Mayfair: and she has a right to feel that way. She is not particularly cared for in her own family, nor is she listened to by them. She is angry. Her friendship with Eloise is one in which two girls who are both frustrated with their circumstances come to meet.

The fact that such a thing could be printed with, essentially, her allowance, is also proof that she is disregarded as she is. No one notices when she is gone, she is, by and large, invisible. As such, she doubles down on the power fantasy of Lady Whistledown.

Do not try to close your doors tighter to protect your privacy as I may already be inside. And thus I will slowly get inside each and everyone's head.

I don't know about you, but reading that is chilling. Though of course I am taking it with the modern perspective of living in an age where privacy continues to be stripped, there's something particularly cruel about insisting that you are inescapable. It's written in a way that is intended as a threat, followed by

No need to panic, I will be fair, gentle reader

and this is where Penelope's intentions come in. Do I believe she genuinely and truly wanted to be fair? Yes. Do I believe Penelope has a well developed sense of what fairness entails? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And she's not SUPPOSED to. Because Penelope also perpetuates her own invisibility, even in the midst of her pride in writing Whistledown. Penelope punches down repeatedly, but she does not think she is doing so. For Penelope the person, she is 'exposing the truth' in a general sense of hard hitting journalism, but Lady Whistledown, her persona, cultivated a power others don't have. When she wrote of the unnamed Modiste unfavorably, she ran her out of business: because LW has the power and privilege of being heard, the power and privilege to ruin lives and reputations, to sequester people to bad opinions and derision.

And one of the first people she does this to is her mum and her family, including herself. In the very first LW article, she mentions only the Featheringtons and the Bridgertons, along with one other lady, Miss Boltenston, who Penelope writes would be best for a suitor who prefers bedtime conversation as opposed to other activities.

Three misses. Foisted upon the marriage market like sorrowful sows by their tasteless, tactless dear mama-- the luckless souls.

Then, when discussing the Bridgertons, the only people who have been seen as being genuinely nice to her, she writes that they're perfect, full of refinement, "four perfectly handsome sons and four perfectly beautiful daughters. Yes. Perfect, indeed"

but this isn't meant to be a compliment. In particular when we go back and listen to Eloise's hunt for LW and her conversation with Penelope at her door.

"Whistledown is someone free and unencumbered by society, she is a single woman of means, better yet she is a widow who would be invited to all the events but not paid any attention, so while you are at the ball-"

"Eloise I do not care! People have real problems, mature problems, problems that have nothing to do with the secret identity of some silly writer. " "And you are so mature now?" "I am of age, I am out in society, therefor I have more important mature things to worry about." "Like what?" "Like marriage." "You do not care about marriage." "What if I do!? I do not expect you to understand. Not everyone can be a pretty Bridgerton."

There's a resentment that Penelope has for the Bridgertons. She loves them, absolutely, but we can't sit here and deny that Penelope isn't jealous and doesn't discuss it or dig deeper into those feelings to unwrap or unlearn them. There are reasons for it, of course, but this is a facet of her character that often gets overlooked. And it keeps her from opening up. To Colin and to Eloise.

I exhaust of the perfect Miss Penelope Featherington, always the victim of other people's harms, always doing everything she does because she's such a #good person. It leaves the door shut to her growth. Penelope has good INTENTIONS with bad outcomes. She hopes that she will, herself, not be corrupted by the power she so criticizes others for misusing, but she falls into the same pitfalls and that is compelling as hell to explore.

My intention is not to shed any blood but to shed some light on the true events in our society. My words, though might be hurtful, are not meant to be mean. They are meant to be fair . .be prepared to hear the truth about yourself and your kin.

I'm glad she acknowledged that her words would be hurtful, though she hides behind what she intends as opposed to the outcome. Because she absolutely did shed blood, she genuinely could have killed Marina with what she published. And after she does so, she comes back from it still owning that bloodshed, for she writes things such as 'sharpening my knives for you' and hailing her pen as a weapon. There's no indication she wrote to her cousin or offered any support or condolences. She has to ask Colin how Marina is doing, as though she does not know on her own.

Penelope wants to be a good person who does good things. But goodness is not black and white and Penelope falls deeper and deeper into her LW persona internally whilst pretending she is unchanged on the exterior.

There's a line in the book, when she says 'Maybe I grew up' and that's what I need from her in S3. This is, largely, a very long essay more so in response to a fandom version of Penelope than the real Penelope, because the show does show her actions as being wrong. Penelope cries and agonizes over her choices because she knows they aren't good, but she does them anyway because her idea of what should happen matters more than other people's agency in their decisions.

People talk about how Eloise was a bad friend to Penelope, how she didn't listen to her, but in reality, Penelope did not actually talk to her, save to tell her she has different life goals than Eloise does. So many moments in which Penelope could confide in her that she does not take.

In particularly, I think about after Penelope's father passes, and Eloise visits her. This comes at the heels of Penelope exposing Marina's pregnancy to the ton and publicly destroying Colin's engagement to her, as well as Eloise saving her from being caught by the Queen.

"The ones we love have the power to inflict the greatest scars. For what thing is more fragile than the human heart?"

And then Eloise comforting her. Telling her

"I am here, Pen, to help you to find a reason every day to enjoy in the absence of your dear Papa. I know you shall miss him."

to which Penelope replies with

"Share something good. What happened with Whistledown? Did you save Mdm. Delecroix?"

No discussion of how she actually feels, only a deflection, even as Eloise assures her she has a friend. But Penelope already knows what Eloise will tell her with this response, and also knows that she has the wrong idea of who Whistledown is, but she would rather have a conversation she knows the outcome to than spill open to her closest friend. That's lonely as hell. Penelope forces herself to be apart, as well. It's a behavior she needs to unlearn.

Penelope keeps her own secrets but cannot allow others to do so. She spirals in what she perceives to be her own powerlessness whilst her actions have the most impact, good and bad, upon near everyone in her vicinity.

Eloise tells her: "You are my friend, and I do not wish for secrets to set us apart" and though Penelope agrees, she does not confide in her. Even when it comes to Eloise's relationship to Theo and her burgeoning romantic feelings for him, something she confesses to Penelope, asking if she can relate, Penelope does not offer the same vulnerability. Instead, she insists that people already know about her relationship with Theo, and Eloise trusts her, though it's untrue. No one else was talking about Eloise and Theo, and yes, Penelope writing about her as LW was wrong and awful, but a more intimate pain she inflicted was that Penelope was encouraging Eloise away from him and away from her own feelings.

Eloise even tells Theo: "People are already talking about us" when they almost kiss as a reason for them to stop seeing each other. But no one is. This is a lie Penelope tells Eloise.

and this takes me to the final act of it all: People DO listen to Penelope. The people who MATTER listen to her and encourage her. There are constant discussions of how Eloise does not listen or how Colin didn't listen, but looking back at those conversations and interactions: Eloise and Colin listen to Penelope very closely, in fact.

Eloise repeats things Penelope says to her, trusts what she says. Yes, she is often talking to Penelope and 'using her as a sounding board' because that is what friends do. Balance comes when both parties do so. Penelope does not do the same back. She does not discuss, she does not say what she means, what she feels, what she believes.

And she does the same to Colin. Colin who wrote her letters for months. Colin who recognizes her intentions. Colin who talks to her about his hopes and plans, an action she does not reciprocate up until S2 when they talk after the botched wedding. Even when Colin asks how she's been after they meet for the first time that season, she lies and says it's all fine. This comes from an assumption from her that he doesn't care about her because he doesn't love her romantically, but Colin obviously cares a lot for Pen. Even in S1 he cares about her deeply and earnestly. I don't understand the narrative of him not listening to her, because I think he listens to and hears her more than almost anyone else does.

Even in this conversation

"I believe you deserve to know" "Is there something on my face? Has it been there all evening? It has hasn't it? Sorry, go on." "I have wanted to talk to you since the engagement was announced but we have always been in company" "So this is something about Marina?" "Her heart belongs to another." "What?" "His name is Sir George Crane, he is a first son, a soldier, they rent the neighboring properties in the country, I am sorry Colin, but I have seen their love letters. I thought you should know before it is too late." "You really are very good, you know that? Do you think that I would care she had fond feelings for another before we met? It would be rather rich of me considering I've flirted with half the girls in London at one point or another." "No, you misunderstand, this was no mere flirtation, Marina loves this man, she loves him still." "And yet she is marrying me."

This conversation is often cited as proof that Colin doesn't listen to her, but reading it: he is listening very clearly. She told him Marina loved someone else before, he replied that it doesn't matter (can we take a moment to applaud him for this, also? that's a really mature response from him) and then when she tries to clarify, she does so by telling him that she loves someone else. But that's not what she actually wants to say.

What she's saying is to dissolve the engagement and she believes Colin the kind of person who would cut ties with someone who loved someone else before, but he isn't. It's not that he isn't listening to her, it's that he IS and he isn't responding in the way she wants. This scene is ALSO Colin asking Penelope to understand him, to understand his choices, to support him as well. He ends this conversation with a plea: Trust me, Pen, do not fret. Asking for her to take him seriously. Instead of trusting him, trusting him to his decisions, trusting him with the truth, she instead takes matters back into her own hands.

Because what she publishes is

"As if the Featheringtons did not have enough to be dealing with, Miss Marina Thompson is with child. And she has been from the very first day she arrived in our fair city."

That is HEAPS different from what she talked to Colin about, but it solidifies her innocence to him, because at the core of it, she wants PARTS of what Whistledown is, but not all of it. She WANTS Colin to see her as good and she wants to have a soft love story with him, all at the cost of who she actually is. She sanitizes herself for Colin because she does not understand or cannot face that he already has affection for her as she already is, that she can trust him for who HE is. He isn't in love with her (yet) because she hasn't shown him who she is in her entirety, but he DOES love her, regardless.

(Which I think is so beautiful. Here is a person who refuses time and time again to be open and vulnerable (because of her own trauma and complications, no shade, we've all been there) and yet he sees that she's special and keeps opening the door for her to talk to him. Let it never be said that Colin doesn't have a special place for her in his heart, regardless of a SINGULAR comment of his that she heard out of context)

Colin and Eloise are constantly asking how she's doing, constantly leaning in to see what she says, and the brief moments in when she confides in them, they obviously keep it close and recognize those moments as being special. It's Penelope who has to contest with the mortifying ordeal of being known: and that is her character arc. Her character arc is not that she did nothing wrong because no one else would listen, they do, but even when they don't (and Marina doesn't HAVE to listen to her about dissolving the engagement. Marina had to look out for her own wellbeing and the wellbeing of her future family and she had every right to considering everyone proved to her that no one else will) Penelope has Eloise and Penelope has Colin, two people who care deeply for her. Who she has written about and betrayed trust in. Who she needs to apologize to and make amends. And no, an apology is not 'I'm sorry, but I did it because X', Eloise didn't want excuses from Pen, she wanted accountability, and she was right to demand it.

Because the beautiful thing is that we have ALL hurt our friends, we have all been the bad friend, and we have all fucked up immensely, and such things make us human and capable of change, something Penelope is continuously denied as a character in the uwu perfect baby narrative that gets cultivated.

I think this quote sums up her dissonance very well

"Perhaps I will come forward one day, though you must know dear reader, that decision should be left entirely up to me."

at the end of it, this is a conversation about trust and agency. Penelope upholds her own privacy, her own right to secrecy, and denies everyone else the same, including people who adore her. Colin and Eloise and Marina all become villains in this light as opposed to what they actually are: People with their own wants and dreams who also deserve their own right to privacy. And my personal hope is that with who LW is in the show, Penelope recognizes that she doesn't need that persona as a coping mechanism. Not in her friendship with Eloise and not in her romance with Colin. She does not need LW to be heard because she *is* heard. She only needs to say what she really means.

In her very first article, Penelope writes

"Hiding behind this paper is a brave person who can protect herself with a pen."

but when Eloise tells her she is "Sequestered here in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town, all because you are too scared to stand up for yourself in reality" she takes that to heart and gets defensive and furious because at the core of things, it's TRUE. it hurt her *because* it was true. Penelope does NOT stand nor speak up for herself in the light, only in her writing. and it doesn't have to be that way.

her character arc is growing to the point where she can do so. where she no longer needs LW to speak on her opinions or how she feels, where she doesn't rely on it. her character arc IS to become brave. people ALREADY like her. they already see her insight as valuable. LW is a coping mechanism Penelope used because she thought no one else listened, but they prove her wrong and she has to grapple with that. she is loved and she needs to learn to accept it. she is loved and she did bad things. she can make mistakes and still be loved. she can own what she's done and know she is surrounded by people who care for her to the point of accountability.

and isn't that just so much more satisfying?

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

Some doodles and thoughts as I narrow down a path for fob farms

[chirpsythismorning]

One of these day I’m gonna make a post that compiles all the evidence for gay, bi and unlabeled Mike that exists on the show bc ppl that deny any evidence whatsoever for one side or the other are hilarious to me.

[heartfall-syndrome]

I had a really bad nightmare last night, and now I have a very strong urge to make an illustration of it.

I’m not sure if that’s normal but I’m gonna do it anyway :]c

[cartoonybus]

pnf revival hope: no more of this shit

[traegorn]

You may be asking yourself "Is that one unhinged anon still in Trae's inbox ranting because Trae said 'maybe don't work with Lilith'?"

The answer is yes. Yes that person is. I'm just not answering them right now until they actually give me something I can be funny in the responses to.