#and unequivocally happy ending for them for the season :>

[edwinspaynes]

Okay, so. I am very happy to inform y'all that I am beginning work on the first "episode" (chapter) of my Dead Boy Detectives season 2 fic today!

It has two potential working titles, both lyrics from Taylor Swift's Fresh Out the Slammer. I am not going to reveal them because I haven't selected which one I'll be using yet.

It will have 9 chapters. The official case titles are:

The Case of the Weeping Walls

The Case of Niko Sasaki

The Case of the Choked Cheerleaders

The Case of the Scorned Son

The Case of Hell's Own Track

The Case of the Shredded Tapestry

The Case of the Separated Soulmates

The Case of the Great Fire, Part I

The Case of the Great Fire, Part II

Each chapter will also come with a fun feature, but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about that yet. :)

IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAGLIST FOR THIS FIC, PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS POST. I will tag everyone who wants a tag, but only if they comment since that's how I'll keep track of the list.

Next question because I know this is going to be an extremely expansive and time-consuming project:

I would still post my usual DBDA content, including other DBDA fics, on this blog. The other one would be exclusively for longfic-related updates.

I would probably still reblog the chapters I post there onto this blog.

Finally, something for you to enjoy: a playlist for the fic! This is very short and uninteresting, but it will be an ever-evolving thing that probably gets long eventually, so please follow it if you're interested :)

A few spoilers under the cut that might impact interest (endgame ship, etc)

Unequivocal Payneland endgame (they're soulmates your honour)

Palasaki and NN/Kashi endgames

Happy ending for The Cat King, who plays a big role in the story

No Sandman crossovers besides potentially a Death appearance (I do not know Sandman well enough to include them)

BAMF Edwin scenes ;)

No Esther or Monty (sorry!) - there is a new OC antagonist

I'm currently trying to find a place for Jenny. I want to include her, but she will likely only have a few cameos since I can't for the life of me think of a plotline to involve her in.

I will be keeping up with Yockey-posted spoilers and incorporating them into the story when possible (so, Niko is the Principal, etc)

[agustdiv1ne]

❦°｡9:51 p.m. (m) — choi soobin

genre: dark content, mdni!!! ageless blogs dni!!!! serial killer!soobin, fem!potential victim!reader, thriller, light smսt

wc: 3.5k

warnings: talks of murder (but none actually occur), slight coercion, oral (m receiving), drugging, violence, weapons, blood, general insanity....

this fic contains dark content. please heed all warnings above and read at your own discretion.

soobin’s favorite color is red. 

he’s quite obsessed with it, really. his favorite shirt is a maroon button-up, his phone case has crimson details…he tries to look for it everywhere when he’s out and about, he surrounds himself with it at home. his favorite time of year is when the humid summer fades into mild autumn, as the change in seasons brings with it ruby leaves and dying trees — oh, death. in addition to the fiery shade, soobin finds himself enamored with eternal rest. it’s just oh so freeing, an end of a cycle, a path to purity. there is nothing more pure than the act of shedding the mortal skin to find a higher meaning — to be reborn. 

soobin likes helping people be reborn just as much as he likes the color red. 

but only people he finds worthy: the innocent ones, the ones who have placed too much trust in a world that is wrought with cruelty and had their hearts ripped out in the process. those are the ones who need saving, he thinks, and he finds great happiness, an overwhelming sense of pride, in being the one who can save them. it’s fate that brings him into these people’s lives, after all. something has chosen him to guide these people towards a greater path, to help the weak and downtrodden, the ones looking for betterment. there is no doubt in his mind that would cause him to think otherwise.

he adores helping people, but he wishes that they were just a bit more sympathetic to his cause. it’s not as if he enjoys hurting them, but his methods are the only way that any of this can be accomplished. no matter how much he tries to explain, they always scream and cry and beg to be let go, they always try to run away even if they’re bound…they don’t understand that all he wants to do is take them to a better place, yet they make it so difficult for him to be nice, to keep his composure. they always make him resort to extremes — but at the same time, he can't be too disappointed when they struggle. 

blood is unequivocally beautiful to him, after all.

the city has faded into darkness since he’s begun unwinding from the work week. soobin’s office job provides him with little joy and nothing to look forward to, so he often spends his nights taking walks about the city. sometimes, he’s looking for something, someone; and sometimes, he simply allows the cool air to soothe him, wandering without a particular goal in mind, just living. breathing. being. 

tonight, however, the former rings true. it’s been too long since he’s last aided a stranger. his previous succor occurred over three months ago, and the empty, unfulfilled feeling within his chest has chipped away at flesh and bone until nothing but a gaping cavern remains. it’s time to fill that aching void up again. he loves people, he loves helping them. it’s the only thing in his life that makes him feel truly alive. doing this is as vital as his need to breathe, to eat.

as he continues to stroll along the fog-shrouded road, he eventually spots his next potential project: you’re stumbling along the sidewalk in front of him, sobs ripping themselves from your throat so loud that he can hear them despite the significant distance separating himself from you. dressed in a creamy white coat and light wash jeans, you look like an angel from behind. he wonders what your face looks like, fresh with tears and red-rimmed eyes. where are you headed at this hour — alone, no less? more importantly, what’s gotten you so worked up? do you need his help? evidently, you might. it wouldn’t hurt to check on you.

quickening his pace, his long legs begin to close the distance between you and him. despite his intentionally loud footfalls, you do not seem to acknowledge his presence behind you as he approaches. you should be more careful; you never know who could take advantage of your vulnerable state, although he is grateful that he is the one to find you. he has only your best interests in mind, unlike the rest of the selfish population of this city. you don’t turn around even when he’s finally a mere few feet away, so lost in your own little world that its real counterpart has all but fallen away. 

“miss?” he calls, deep voice ringing out into the chilled air. an air of friendly concern is apparent in his timbre, and it’s not a lie. he really is concerned for you. “are you okay?”

your entire form jolts, feet coming to a halt as you spin around to face him — and oh, you poor thing. streaks of watered down mascara mar your cheeks, eyes round and bloodshot and glinting with tears beneath the streetlight above. your hands come up to wipe under your eyes in a weak attempt of hiding your current emotional state. evidently, it fails, gray spreading further across your face as he blinks at you, wrinkles forming between his brows while he waits for a response.

“i’m— i’m fine, thank you.” while your words are meant to placate his worry, your quiet, warbly tone is less than convincing. he decides not to pry too hard — you look halfway ready to flee as it is — instead opting to remain in place as he drinks you in. indeed, you look like an angel. even with your puffy eyes and kicked puppy expression, he finds you lovely, your voice soft and delicate like wind chimes. the overwhelming urge to wrap you in his arms, to keep you safe from the world, flashes through his body. he pushes the feeling away. he can’t scare you away if he wants to learn more about your situation, whether or not you are worthwhile. 

“are you sure?” he gently asks. for a second, your eyes blink up at him, less guarded now. soobin is well acquainted with his effect on women, the softness he holds in his voice and gaze, the openness of his features that must scream trust me. he can tell that he’s got you when you toy with your bottom lip for a moment, gaze trailing off towards the side of the side as you decide to continue this conversation with him. you easily could have walked away, or even told him to leave you alone, but you don’t. you don’t, and he feels his heart pound in excitement because of it.

staring down at his shoes, you murmur, “yeah, it’s just— it’s stupid, actually, nevermind.”

“well, it surely can’t be that stupid if it made you cry.” and your upset mask cracks just the slightest bit. so pretty. so, so pretty. your smile causes every single nerve ending in his body to tingle. a smile forms on his own face, and something in the air between you changes in that moment. a mutual understanding that you won’t be explaining the reason behind your tears right now, but some company would be nice. 

a convenience store lies maybe twenty feet up in the road, and he falls into step with you once you ask if he’d like to grab something to eat there. he quickly learns that you prefer the veggie triangle kimbap over any other flavor and that you have a borderline strange obsession with banana milk, but he still hasn’t learned your name. as you continue talking, the realization eats at him. he likes you, he thinks that you’re sweet and kind — too kind for this world. you deserve better. if he continues to get close to you, maybe you’ll be understanding enough to accept what he’s trying to do here. soobin can be quite patient, after all, and you seem more than worth his time. however, his first step in this plan is to learn your name. 

leaning against the counter next to him, you beat him to the punch. “i never got your name.”

fuck, your voice sings so prettily in his ears, and you look so shy, so demure just asking that. how sweet you are. all he wants to do is wrap you up and protect you, hold you close and shield you from everything terrible. instead, he swallows down a mouthful of ramen and gives you a charming smile. “soobin. choi soobin.”

“that’s a nice name,” you say, innocent eyes peering up at him. the redness has receded to the edges of your scleras, the puffiness of your face slightly calmed down. he’s made you feel better, but he knows he can eliminate all sorrow from your life, if you’ll allow him to.

“i’m sure yours is prettier,” he says, voice trailing off at the end. with a playful roll your eyes, you provide your own, and his grin grows wider. “ah, i was right.”

the flustered press of your lips is enough to tell him that his plan is working so far. your naivety is endearing to him. it makes everything easier — even better, when he asks to walk you home after citing potential danger, you accept without a single hint of doubt, eyes wide as you comment that you hadn’t thought of that. so sweet, so trusting. no one else will be able to hurt you now that he has set his sights on you.

“would you…like to come in?” you ask as soon as you reach your building, shyness returning in full force. hope drips from each word, your fingers nervously fidgeting at your sides. he can’t help but accept your offer. he’d honestly be a fool not to.

your apartment is a modest one-bedroom with a small living room, a living room in which he finds himself in as you busy yourself in the kitchen. trying not to stare too hard at your form over the small island that separates the two rooms, he busies himself with picking at a loose thread on the couch. for some reason, nerves eat at his stomach, festering there like a swarm of wasps. he’s never had someone invite him into their home so early on. this is new, different — he’s not sure what to do with himself. 

“could i offer you some water? or tea?” you call. he swivels his head to find you looking at him while waving a teapot in the air. the moment you realize what you are doing, you drop your arm, your free hand coming up to scratch your cheek. 

holding back a chuckle, he offers a kind nod. “tea sounds wonderful, thank you.”

this seems like the correct choice, if your wide grin is anything to go by. would you look the same if he tells you what he plans with you? would you understand? he’s not sure yet, but he will learn with time. so far, you’re his favorite, even if he’s known you for less than an hour. you are the closest to being untainted. perhaps it’s a selfish desire, but keeping you around for a bit longer than the others wouldn’t be so bad. he ponders if he should just take you with him now just as he did with all the others. he’s got a packet of pills in his trouser pocket waiting to be used, it would almost be too easy to slip one into your drink given your acute lack of awareness. at the same time, he has learned from his past mistakes; patience will bring his plan to fruition. this is just the beginning.

a mug of tea appears before his eyes, and he swallows down a flinch before he’s reaching out to take it from you. your fingers just barely brush against his, nearly making him drop the mug. your skin — it’s soft, warm. he wants to feel it more, have his palms run over every one of your curves, feel your chest against his as he takes you…he swats those thoughts away as he shifts uncomfortably. 

silence fills the space between you, a blanket over his head meant to suffocate him. he takes a sip of the steaming hot tea, a dark, cloudy amber in a pompompurin mug that just seems so you. the tea itself blooms sweet on his tongue, notes of honey and lavender coating his taste buds, his muscles relaxing into the couch as he continues to sip the liquid, eventually downing the rest. he glances over to find that you have shrunk into yourself, sock-clad feet curled up onto the couch while your hands grip your own mug close your chest. 

“i’m going to go to the bathroom, i’ll be right back,” you say suddenly, placing your mug on the coffee table before scurrying off. the bathroom door slams shut, the lock clicking immediately after, leaving him alone. he stares at your mug. the item taunts him. come on, put something in there. mix it up and take you now. 

he shouldn’t. he should be patient, but the opportunity is right here for him to take. you’ll be understanding once he explains everything to you. you’ll be different from the others. 

so he slips a pill from his pocket and drops it into your mug, watching the capsule dissolve into the transparent liquid. the slight change in color and opacity doesn’t worry him — it’s not as if your perception is that acute. when the sound of your approaching footsteps forces him back to his side of the couch, his heart begins to pound against his ribcage so hard that he fears it may burst. keep it together. you won’t notice. 

instead of plopping onto your original seat, you make the bold decision to sit down right next to him, facing him. biting your lip, your eyes flit to the floor, then back to him. an invisible magnet pulls you closer. once mere millimeters separate your faces, he pauses, staring down at the way your chest stutters, so close to his own. he should stop this — he just met you, but the way you trust him so easily is doing things to him that he’s never felt before. this twisting feeling in his stomach…it’s so sweet, and you’re just so cute. he wants to protect you. he wants to use you. 

it’s unclear who commits first, but his lips are pressed against yours. softness is the first thing that he registers, then the uncertainty that freezes you against him. a hand moves up to cup your jaw, holding you close to him as he moves his lips gently against your own. slowly, you begin to reciprocate, lips parting to allow his tongue to slip into your mouth. slow, soft...it’s everything soobin has wished for in his lonely life. this kind of connection, this gentle intimacy that is now filling that empty hole in his heart that has always yearned to be filled. he has kissed others before, yes, but he’s never felt like this.

the feeling is quickly becoming too much for him, especially now that your hands are sliding their way towards his waistband. pulling away, he grabs your hands, holding them as holds your gaze. “you don’t have to. i know we just met—”

“but i want to,” you pout, wide, pitiful gaze burning through his as you slip off the couch and onto the wooden floor, your hands leaving his to rest on his thighs. “don’t you want it too?”

he shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, but the sight of you on your knees between his thighs with a cute little pout gracing your lips makes him wonder what you would look like with his cock shoved down your throat, tears streaming down your face as you choke on him. 

pawing at his thighs, you plead, “please, soobin? you helped me feel better, i want to make you feel good too. please?” 

you might just start crying if he doesn’t let you — and he would hate to be the reason why, so he gives in with a nod, helping you unzip his trousers and shove his boxers down his thighs, revealing his hard dick to your eager eyes. your hand looks so small compared to him, barely able to wrap around his girth as you begin to pump him, lips wrapping around his cockhead and your tongue slipping into his slit to taste the salty precum gathered there. he groans, head thrown back against the couch as he resists thrusting up into your mouth. 

“so good, fuck,” he groans, his voice trailing off into a moan as the pleasure begins to build, your hums against his cock sending him straight towards euphoria. suddenly, your head lurches forward, taking as much of him into your mouth as you can, your hand pumping what you are unable to fit. his eyes roll back into his head, staccato moans leaving his lips while you bob your head up and down, your throat contracting around his cockhead before you’re pulling yourself off with a cough. 

he tries to move his hand to caress your hair, to give you some semblance of comfort, only to realize that he can’t. his arms won’t move, nor will his head, or his legs — or anything. wait, what the fuck? what’s going on with him? all he can do is sit there and watch as you continue to pump him faster, licking up his precum at his tip until he cums in weak spurts into your mouth. he can’t even cant his hips, and he can barely feel his orgasm wash over him, numbness spreading across his body. humming, your eyes flutter shut as you swallow his release. when you look up at him again, the glint within them has changed. darker, cunning. 

“i know your secret.”

when he doesn’t respond — his mouth won’t move — your smile grows sharp, predatory. moving to stand between his legs, you lean down to his level, brow raising when his attempt to speak results in unintelligible groans. “aw, cat got your tongue? that’s fine, makes all of this easier for me.”

all of this? what the hell are you talking about? why can’t he move? 

you seem to recognize the confusion swirling in his umber irises, booping his nose with a manicured finger before you’re turning around and reaching for your mug. inspecting it’s contents, you take in the cloudy liquid before your focus returns back to him, amusement apparent in your tone. “you tried to drug me! that’s so cute!”

setting the mug back down, you slink back over to him. 

“y’know, soobin, i thought you’d be smarter than this,” you pout, sitting next to him and throwing your legs over his lap. no matter how much he wills himself to move, he’s frozen. all feeling has left his body, not even the sensation of your nail gliding along his cheek registers. “drank all that tea and didn’t even notice, you poor thing. can’t speak, can’t move, whatever are you going to do now? can’t kill me like the rest of them now…”

oh, fuck. you know — you’ve known this entire time. you’ve lured him into your trap, and he fucking fell for all of it, didn’t even question why you invited him in so easily, why you weren’t worried about a complete, potentially dangerous stranger being in your home. he couldn’t have planned for this outcome if he tried. 

“you got too cocky, baby,” you giggle, right hand reaching between your legs and into the cushions, coming up with a large knife. “never thought someone like me would pull a stunt like this, did ya? isn’t it exciting being the victim for once? i just love the thrill.”

“and you know what else i like, binnie?” you coo, tracing the silver blade against his jawline. muscles melted into the couch, soobin can only emit fearful grunts as you dig in and break skin. blood bubbles up to the surface of the wound before spilling down his neck. fuck, you cut him deep, but he can barely feel the pain.

a snap of your fingers guides his attention back to you. “i love red, just like you.”

swiping a finger through the blood dripping down his neck, you bring it up to your lips and suck, moaning at the iron-rich taste. you’re the farthest thing from the innocent lamb he painted you as. you’re fucking psychotic, pupils dilated and grin so wide your lips may split at the corners as you climb into his lap, knife now pressed against his throat. he’s completely at your mercy — your prey. cornered, nowhere to go.

“i think we’re gonna have lots of fun together,” you coo, pressing a venom-laced kiss against his lips, the bloody blade cutting into him once more. “don’t you think so too?”

masterlist

© to agustdiv1ne. do not copy, repost, steal, and/or translate.

[cecilysass]

The Penultimate Partner Episode: Analyzing the Second-to-Last Episodes of Seasons 3-7

So I was thinking about the show’s tendency to do an episode that is explicitly about the Partnership—about the deep abiding bonds between Mulder and Scully—right before the season finale.

This doesn’t seem to happen in season 1 and 2 (the penultimate episodes are Roland and Our Town, respectively, which don’t seem to play the same role). And something different is happening in season 8 and 9, so I don't think they fit as well.

But during the show’s peak popularity, seasons 3-7, the second-to-last episode seems to be setting up baseline emotional stakes for whatever plotline is about to hit. These episodes are giving us the state of the partnership, reminding us how devoted they are to one another. They also tend to have to do with one or both partners having a distorted perception on reality that requires the other partner's intervention in some way. I’m calling them the Penultimate Partner episodes.

So can we look at the themes of each of these Partnership episodes and see development over time? I think yes. It’s gonna be long. I rewatched them all, so buckle up.

Season 3: Wetwired - partnership as trust Season 4: Demons - partnership as loyalty Season 5: Folie a Deux - partnership as shared madness Season 6: Field Trip - partnership as touchstones Season 7: Je Souhaite - partnership as happiness

Season 3: Wetwired  (right before Talitha Cumi)

This episode, like several in the Penultimate Partner episode category, involves a X-file that distorts perception. Because Scully can’t trust her own senses due to the mind control, she also can’t trust Mulder, calling into question the key tenet of their partnership. (And by season three, they have definitely established trust as the bedrock.)

Her gradual mistrust of Mulder in this episode is tense and painful; you can see on her face how much she argues with herself about it even as her mind is tricking her. Others who fall victim to this mind control phenomenon wind up murdering their romantic partner, but in the end of the episode, when they’re discussing what happened in the hospital, they both seem pretty unsurprised that Scully’s paranoia focused on Mulder. They both know, late season three, how crucial trust is between them. They understand that it’s Scully’s worst fear that Mulder would betray her. It’s not even news to them.

What Mulder’s worst fear might be is also hinted at, although it’s unsaid. He’s furious that her life is put at risk by the mysterious informant. When Mulder believes Scully may be dead and he’s going to identify her body, his reaction is chilling. He seems to completely shut down emotionally, not even showing any reaction to the Gunmen. Tellingly, when he is offered a choice between getting answers and going to ID Scully’s body, he doesn’t hesitate—he chooses Scully. (Sometimes people claim Mulder doesn’t show this kind of commitment to her until much later, even until Home Again in season 10, so it’s interesting to see it so unequivocal here.)   

I want to say that Scully’s anxiety about trusting Mulder in this episode is foreshadowing aspects of the cancer arc in the next season, but I don’t think that’s really what’s happening. This episode seems more like an entirely season 3 cap to the Anasazi / Blessing Way / Paperclip storyline, especially the murder of Melissa. Scully’s paranoia calls back Mulder’s in Anasazi, and Scully explicitly blames Mulder for her sister’s murder when she’s drawn a gun on him. Even just the fact that we're there with Maggie, who has a picture of Melissa displayed prominently, tells me that loss is supposed to be on both partners' minds. (Actually, the interaction between Mulder, Scully and Maggie is pretty amazing in this scene; they’re an emotionally complex trio who seem to be communicating on some other level. I love how when Mulder and Maggie are talking to freaked-out Scully they almost sound strangely unreal, almost like they really are speaking falsely. It allows us to imagine the scene as it looks from Scully’s point-of-view, as a massive betrayal.)

Wetwired is, technically, a mytharc episode, as this whole mind control thing seems to tie back into X and the Syndicate. Personally I think the episode’s ending, emphasizing the mytharc-related plot and X’s involvement and whatever tf was happening there, was a little misguided. For my tastes they would have done better to play up the more personal, character-based themes a little more. But I also think this episode was the first real Penultimate Partner episode, and it was setting some patterns that were going to be expanded on.

Season 4: Demons (before Gethsemane)

From the cold open, we can already tell this is already a more personal episode than Wetwired. Mulder is the one having perception problems now; he wakes from a disturbing dream, covered in blood, muddled memory. This is also technically a mytharc episode, but much more concerned with direct impact on character than Wetwired was. 

Scully instantly rushes to Mulder’s aid—walks right into his shower, for heaven’s sake—and absolutely never wavers in loyalty to him, even when he looks real, real guilty and a "rational" person would be suspicious. She is in fierce, must-protect-Mulder mode throughout this entire episode, from the moment she shows up palpating his head with her hands to her back-off behavior with the cops to her badass cold “I know what you do” comment to Dr. Goldstein. She also helps Mulder see through his distorted perception, telling him "this is not the way to the truth" as he holds a gun on her.

In this Penultimate Partner episode, we see something more than simple trust going on, although there’s trust, too. Maybe the word is loyalty or devotion. We see Mulder coming apart and Scully completely and utterly devoted to him. It’s actually very clear foreshadowing for the following week’s episode, Gethsemane. Mulder isn’t stable, and he needs Scully to keep him from “los[ing] his course,” as she says in Demons’ end narration. Gethsemane will follow up on the Mulder losing-his-course idea, and also will explore the idea that Scully’s bottomless support of Mulder isn’t always good for her. (This idea is voiced especially by Bill.) 

There are some ways in which this episode is a neat little bookend to Wetwired. In Wetwired, Scully flees to her mother’s house, desperate and paranoid; in Demons, Mulder, similarly unhinged, seeks out his mother at her house. In Wetwired, Scully sees things that aren’t there, and in Demons, it’s definitely implied that Mulder may be seeing things in his past that weren’t actually there. In Wetwired, Scully pulls a gun on Mulder, and in Demons, Mulder pulls one on Scully. 

I adore this episode, even though it’s definitely vulnerable to the critique that Mulder acts like a self-obsessed loon and Scully a hopeless enabler lol. Especially because it comes before the Gethsemane / Redux three parter, I wish the episode would have explicitly connected his behavior to the cancer arc, as I feel like that would have made his wild choices seem more understandable. If he felt like he needed to find answers faster because he knew Scully’s time was running out and he saw it all tied together with her fate, then we would get why he was acting so rashly. It would also tie more nicely into Gethsemane, which misleads the audience into thinking Mulder has killed himself, in part, because he believes she’s been given cancer to make him believe. But again, I love this episode. Scully showing up and putting that blanket around Mulder when he’s shaking. Her hugging him at the end when he’s desolate on the floor. This shows a partnership that’s been through Paper Hearts and Memento Mori—that’s moved beyond trust alone.

Season 5: Folie a Deux (before The End)

This is another episode about perception—about one partner seeing things the other can’t. Unlike in Wetwired or Demons, however, in this episode the altered perception actually represents the real truth, something everyone else fails to understand. The episode plays around with the tropes of earlier episodes like Wetwired, at first encouraging us to think that it's a delusion that Pincus is a monster, but then convincing us, through Mulder’s eyes, that the delusion is actually reality.  

As other people have observed, this episode ends up being a nice little metaphor for the whole show: Mulder knowing what no one else does, being ostracized and considered insane, asking Scully to find evidence to corroborate him and ultimately convincing her to believe him and see what he sees. Their partnership is, quite precisely, a madness shared by two. 

It’s a monster of the week, not a mytharc, so there’s no distraction of elaborate mytharc plot, just characters and monster. And this is a Vince Gilligan operation, so our focus is definitely on character. From the first scene with Mulder and Scully, we sense that we’re going to be talking about the partnership. Skinner gives them an assignment in Chicago that Mulder doesn’t think is worth it, and he complains in a particularly self-centered way to Scully, which she observes (“You’re saying I a lot.”) The episode is going to be very explicit that while Mulder might be monster boy, they are in this unhinged partnership situation together. Another important moment comes later, when Scully is calling the perp crazy for thinking he saw a monster, and Mulder says, “Well, I saw it, too.” Scully’s careful about-face after that, her delicate avoidance of implying she thinks Mulder is actually crazy, is part of the dance they’re doing at this late season five stage of their partnership. She doesn’t quite believe him, but she doesn’t knee-jerk not believe him either. 

And the foreshadowing of what’s to come in this one, whoo boy. Most obviously, we must acknowledge that 1013 knew exactly what they were doing when Mulder tells Scully “you’re my one in five billion.” A mere seven days from now, a mysterious beautiful ex who believes his theories is going to show up to immediately cast doubt on that claim. And this episode is also toying with the question of whether Scully actually does always back Mulder up when it’s important, when she has to accept she saw something illogical. At the end, does she tell Skinner she actually saw a giant bug in Mulder’s hospital room? We don’t know, but I think it’s implied she doesn’t. That’s all presaging what will happen in The Beginning coming off of Fight the Future. It’s Scully’s little way of resisting the madness, but it also hurts Mulder and damages the partnership, which will be a problem in season six. 

Season 6: Field Trip (before Biogenesis)

Full disclosure: this is my favorite episode. So I’m going to make some big claims about it. This is the ultimate Penultimate Partner episode—the one that best knits together what it wants to say about their partnership and what it wants to establish for the finale. It's a monster-of-the-week episode (another Vince Gilligan ep, with John Shiban) but refers to the mytharc often. It’s also one of the best episodes about their partnership, period. 

This is yet another episode about distorted perception. This time, however, under the influence of a giant mushroom, both partners are unable to perceive clearly, to determine what is real and what is a lie. And when they’re confused, they critically turn to one another to help them see what the truth is.

Coming off of season six, the partnership is rocky. Mulder is frustrated that after so many theories of his have borne out, he still can’t get the benefit of the doubt from Scully, something he explicitly says in the dialogue here. Scully has felt like she’s not been trusted or heard, like Mulder has turned to others (Diana Fowley, for example) rather than his partner.

This is an episode about how they absolutely need one another to be able to make sense of the world—that individually each of their points-of-view are not enough. In Mulder’s hallucination, Scully accepts his claims about alien life forms too completely, not applying enough skepticism, not pushing back against him. In Scully’s hallucination, a world without Mulder, everyone is unacceptably unquestioning of the status quo, refusing to dig deeper, lacking Mulder’s critical acumen and drive. Neither partner likes the feeling of being unopposed, and it makes both of them suspicious about the hallucination’s reality. They may think they want their own view to prevail, but they need one another to be a whole person.

The theme of what’s real and what’s not – and needing one another to discern the truth–is exactly what is picked up and developed further in the Biogenesis-Sixth Extinction-Amor Fati arc that follows this. Scully’s skepticism has to stretch to incorporate more of Mulder’s worldview to make sense of what she sees in the Ivory Coast, and of course, Mulder calls on Scully’s worldview to see through his misleading dream world in Amor Fati. In fact, you could argue Field Trip is really about the idea that Mulder and Scully are one another’s touchstones—the people they need to know what’s right and real. 

Incidentally, this episode also plays around with some of season 6’s other subtextual throughlines: Mulder and Scully’s anxieties about possibly entering a non-platonic relationship, their unease about what a normal, domestic life might even be for them. For the entire episode they’re directly compared and juxtaposed with the Schiffs, a young married couple who died on Brown Mountain. The Schiffs are a tall man and a redheaded woman. They even die hallucinating lying together on a hotel bed after she asked him to “hold her” (although I do seriously doubt 1013 was intentionally foreshadowing a full year ahead). The last shot is of Mulder reaching out to take Scully’s hand across the ambulance, suggesting a kind of partnership beyond just, you know, partnership. Which takes us to the next season.  

Season 7: Je Souhaite (before Requiem)

Truthfully, I don’t think this episode fits quite as well in the Penultimate Partner category. It doesn’t share some of the same traits as these other episodes—it’s not quite as notably about perception, for instance—and it’s not fundamentally about the partnership in the same way. But it does end up commenting on their partnership (even their relationship, really) as part of its theme, so I think we can include it—especially because its position right before Requiem ends up being important. 

Je Souhaite (btw, written and directed by Vince Gilligan) has a bit of an unsettled feeling to it because it was kind of treading water, waiting to see what happened with DD and the series. Nothing too monumental could happen with the partnership or the plot because it wasn’t clear to anyone what would happen next with the show: whether it would end or continue, whether DD would be involved or not.

So we have a story about Mulder and Scully making peace with not having a significant impact on the world—e.g. not bringing about world peace, not introducing invisible bodies to science. Instead, they are content to delightfully share a beer and comment that they have made one another “pretty happy” (as Scully says about Mulder). Through the jinni character, they seem to take the lesson that they can enjoy being with one another, accept the simple happiness that their relationship brings them. Rather than wish for success that comes too easily, they take joy in the little things with one another.

Comparing this episode to the Penultimate Partner episodes that come before, we can really see how Mulder and Scully’s dynamic has evolved by season seven. We have a Scully who is much more open to supernatural phenomena, for example, and whose skepticism seems more like a reflex or a defense mechanism now. Scully’s move towards belief is partially reflected in the plot of the episode: the X-file here really isn’t even science fiction. It is just straight up fantasy or magical realism. Aside from Scully's brief mention of a disease to explain what happened to the mouthless man in the cold open, no plausible scientific explanation for the jinni's long life or wishes is really even floated.

Scully is delighted by the discovery of the invisible body, and Mulder is visibly delighted by her delight. He’s also frustrated by her retreat into doubt when the body disappears, of course. But even the reversal into her old skepticism is half-hearted, as she soon after she's engaging in discussion with Mulder about what his final wish was. This is consistent with the overall blurring of the old hardline believer-skeptic dynamic we see in season 7. It’s also peeking ahead to Scully’s coming role as resident basement believer in season 8. 

The last scene, with the beers and Caddyshack, is meant to be a callback to djinni Jenn’s comment that she wishes she could “live my life moment by moment... enjoying it for what it is instead of... instead of worrying about what it isn't.” Mulder, we see, is taking a cue from her. (And good for him, as we almost never see these characters do this. Except on rare baseball-related occasions.)

However, this episode’s position right before Requiem—and right before the events of season 8—ends up giving this scene a real bittersweet bite. We know, after Requiem, that they were probably a romantic couple at this time. We know, after Requiem, that this time is going to be their last happy time together for a long while. Later in season 8, we learn that one lingering wish of Scully’s in season 7 is that she wanted to conceive a child with Mulder. And of course we know, after Requiem, that she gets her wish—but with a vicious catch, with a terrible side effect, much like what happens with the jinni’s wishes. 

So that’s my academic thesis on that. I know others have pointed out the existence of this type of episode before. What did I miss? Do you think I am wrong to leave out seasons 1, 2, 8, and 9? Why do we think these episodes focus so much on distorted perception? Interested to hear others’ thoughts (if they make it through this lol).

[books-and-omens]

OKAY OKAY MORE EPISODE 1 NOTES (here be spoilers for the whole season)

The first few episodes were so... light-hearted, weren’t they, in so many places. I laughed out loud frequently, sometimes through tears.

Of course, in other places they were filled with deep disquiet.

I’m rewatching the whole season now, bit by bit, and the sense of disquiet only grows.

In the present day, we start with Aziraphale being happy. Happy enough, anyway; happy with the status quo, with having a little freedom and being able to live among the humans. In the first scenes, Aziraphale is delighted that he can do a good deed, helping Maggie. “I’ll just take those Shostakovich records and we’ll call it even,” he tells her, beaming.

(He also says, “I’m very good at forgiveness. It’s one of my favourite things,” and given everything—oh, this is disquieting already. Aziraphale, what do you think forgiveness means?)

I love the whole “wrong bench” exchange.

I love Crowley caring about the health of ducks.

I adore Muriel finding the matchbox, a material object, and her little excited stomp-stomp-stomps.

Gabriel’s arrival is very funny. Side note, there’s a fly in the box; on first watch, I suspected it of being Beelzebub’s spy, but—well. We know how things turned out.

And another bit that I love, and that in retrospect breaks my heart, is Crowley saying, “is it something I can help you with?” as he evaluates Aziraphale’s distress and connects the dots.

He’s there for Aziraphale. Unequivocally on their own side. And just—

The lightning scene was EXCELLENT. The apology dance… oh, they are so absurd and so married.

And despite that latter, in the last four hears they clearly haven’t talked about the really key things: what they are, what each of them wants and hopes for and needs. They should have been able to talk, no?

Should have been able to, and could not.

God, they are really terrible at this.

They did not know they needed to talk. And… they were both afraid, I suspect, of the conversations themselves upsetting one part of the fragile balance between them. Of losing what they have in each other.

They didn’t talk. They had four years, and no time at all.

So all this while, they’ve been on the same side but not; all this while, they were saying different ‘exactlies’.

At the end of the episode, they come together. For a miracle—and it’s rather symbolic, isn’t it, that when they work a miracle together, it’s so powerful that it literally goes through the roof.

There is... so much here. So much. Oh my heart.

[invisiblerambler]

Shapiro and Luka are the Logical Alternatives to Carmy

Notice I said logical. Shapiro is a version of Carmy that is less driven, less visionary, and more traditional. He doesn't have any kind of vision for his own restaurant, he is leaving the 'vibe' completely up to Syd. He is I'm sure very talented, but doesn't have what Carmy has. It may be a partnership, but if Syd is coming up with everything for someone else, she may not even be the face of it. If she picks the path with Shapiro it is safe, it is logical, and it would boost her career, but it's not daring. For all of his faults, The Bear would cement her legacy. It pushes boundaries in fine dining (at it's best) that I don't think a restaurant with Shapiro would. Not to mention, will Shapiro push her the way Carmy does? Almost undoubtedly no, because he already praises her unequivocally. That's not actually what she wants. Syd's entire conflict this season is picking something stable and logical over the thing that she's passionate about. The Bear after all is the thing, the potential restaurant with Shapiro isn't because it doesn't represent the same type of passion or challenge as The Bear. I saw someone say (apologies I don't remember who) that S1 Syd would have already taken the agreement. Personally, I don't agree with that, because at every turn, we have seen her make the passionate choice not the logical one.

Carmy even clocks it when she comes to stage, he knows just as well as she does that she could work almost anywhere she wants and she chooses The Beef, chooses him. Her coming back at the end of S1 isn't logical. Most people would run far in the other direction, but not only does she come back, but she commits to creating and running a restaurant with this person.

Up until friends and family, Sydney has to defend her choices to her father at almost every turn. There's no money, no firm commitment, and she doesn't even tell him about the partnership agreement, probably because she doesn't want to know what he has to say. Not because she thinks he'll say she shouldn't do it but because he will affirm what she already believes, which is that The Bear is the thing.

It is incredibly hard when the people you want most in your life to tell you not to do something, and would expect that from him, say exactly the opposite. I think that's why she hasn't told him she doesn't want to sign. She doesn't want to get into it. Which is understandable!

Now, Luka. Listen I am firmly on team whatever makes Syd happy, and if them having a cutie little fling will make her happy, which I think it would. I would love it, and on top of that I want to see Carm be jealous so bad. That man has no poker face and it would make me howl in delight. Luka has also done the work and literally as Syd says repurposed his trauma. He represents what Carmy can be if he figures out his shit. And I think he wouldn't be a placeholder, but could be illuminating for everyone about what they really want. Let Syd be happy for a second to figure out what's really going on! I see nothing, nothing wrong with that. Like Cicero points out, Carmy is like a 3 year old with too many crayons. LET'S TAKE SOME CRAYONS AWAY AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

[haveyoureadthisscifibook]

Hey! What books by POC got a majority yes result? I'm interested in reading more by authors of color but when I used the be loathed Tumblr search function the only posts it brought up as tagged 'result: yes' were by white authors. Also, any personal recommendations for sci fi by POC?

hello! don’t mistake the stats — no books by authors of color have gotten a yes result either here or on the fantasy blog, and I don’t think any are likely to at this point (if Jemisin’s The Fifth Season couldn’t do it on the fantasy blog, I highly doubt anything else will); authors of color simply have an average yes percentage here that’s only slightly lower than the average percentage for white authors.

I’m happy to give my own recommendations, though:

any of Samuel R. Delany’s sci-fi. I think Nova is maybe the most approachable starting point (and quite good in its own right), but if you want to jump off the deep end, I think Stars in My Pocket Like Grains of Sand is the greatest science fiction novel ever written; whether or not one agrees with that statement, I think it is pretty unequivocally the most science fiction novel ever written, by which I mean that no other book I’ve encountered or heard of has made such a thorough use of everything science fiction can be and do as Stars.

I also would be remiss to not recommend Octavia E. Butler; I’m personally not a huge fan of her books, but I do think every sci-fi reader should read at least one of them. the Earthseed duology (Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents) is probably most-discussed in recent years because they seem to parallel current developments in US politics, and the Xenogenesis trilogy (first book Dawn) is also considered a classic.

the elements of it that read as (at least potentially) science fiction upon publication now read as fantasy, but if you’re interested in something older, Pauline Hopkins’s Of One Blood, or The Hidden Self is an early work of science fiction/fantasy by a Black writer — it was serialized in 1903. it’s part lost world narrative, part last gasp of (pseudo)scientific mesmerism/animal magnetism theory, part troubled romance (caught up in turn-of-the-century racial politics).

Zainab Amadahy’s novel The Moons of Palmares is a cool (though a little short) novel about a racially diverse mining colony trying to break away from Earth’s capitalist / colonial domination.

I’ve enjoyed several of Aliette de Bodard’s Universe of Xuya books, which are mainly short — I think the first I read was On a Red Station, Drifting, and I also enjoyed The Tea Master and the Detective (even though I often don’t really care for Sherlock Holmes adaptations) and The Citadel of Weeping Pearls.

if you like science fantasy, I loved Jacqueline Koyanagi’s Ascension when I read it back in 2014. it hits a lot of ~found family~ notes that I think would appeal to what people on tumblr (say they) like.

I also would recommend any of Yoon Ha Lee’s books; I think the best starting point for his work is his short story collection Conservation of Shadows, which is incredible and also contains “The Battle of Candle Arc”, which I think is the best intro / preparatory reading for his Machineries of Empire trilogy (first book Ninefox Gambit), which is excellent (though very dark) but can be challenging to get into.

I read and enjoyed a lot of Nnedi Okorafor’s books in the past, although I haven’t read most of her more recent stuff, and I would particularly recommend Lagoon, as well as her short story collection Kabu Kabu, which includes some excellent sci-fi stories, especially “Spider the Artist” (also available online).

if by any chance you read Spanish, I can’t recommend Edmundo Paz Soldán’s Iris highly enough — incredible, deeply fucked-up novel about an anticolonial war in a corporate dystopia somewhere in ambiguously Latin America-slash-Oceania.

also “authors of color” isn’t necessarily the right rubric for these, since he’s Wajin in Japan, but if you like military sci-fi I’ve been really enjoying Tanaka Yoshiki’s Legend of the Galactic Heroes novels, although tragically Tyran Grillo’s translations of the middle novels are very bad.

Masande Ntshanga’s Triangulum was something I’d picked up entirely on spec at a bookstore a few years ago and it absolutely blew me away — I’ve been recommending it to everyone.

if you liked The Locked Tomb and ever found yourself thinking, “what if this decadent space empire ran on sex magic instead of necromancy”, I’d highly recommend Bendi Barrett’s Empire of the Feast

and some other short fiction collections (some with the same caveat re the utility of “POC” as Tanaka Yoshiki):

Gillian Ybabez, Homeward Bound, and other stories includes some sci-fi and some science fantasy, published as part of the now sadly defunct Trans Women Writers Collective booklet series and is still available through its successor, River Furnace.

Ted Chiang, Stories of Your Life and Others (now sometimes titled Arrival)

Hassan Blasim (ed.), Iraq + 100

Basma Ghalayini (ed.), Palestine + 100

Sofia Samatar, Tender  — Samatar is imo the greatest living fantasy author, but this collection is also about 50% sci-fi and she’s just as good at sci-fi.

most of it is realist but I have to mention Leanne Betasamosake Simpson’s This Accident of Being Lost, which has two excellent sci-fi stories (“Big Water” and “Akiden Boreal”); Simpson has imo perfect prose — never a word out of place.

Sunyoung Park and Sang Joon Park (ed.), Readymade Bodhisattva

Michel Jean (ed.), Wapke, which was originally published in French but is apparently now also available in English

it wasn’t all my preferred kind of specfic, but Chelsea Vowel’s Buffalo Is the New Buffalo is worth a read in any case.

[myrtlefics]

Author Rec List: TheGoblinMatriarch

@thegoblinmatriarch has such a talent for characters who you want to spend ages with, even if you need to spend part of that time shaking sense into them. They’re so vivid and human and just absolutely sing in their thoughts and dialogue and actions, and there is a common thread of humor and joy that makes reading her work unequivocally delightful. Here are a few of my personal favorites!

Drarry:

Merely Players (27k): Harry and Draco enemies-friends-lovers via acting class, tagged “Their friends are all cheerful little shits” which I think really gives you a sense of the vibe. A joy and a delight.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36491242

Believe: The Gentlemage’s Game (27k): Did you know someone could just make up an entirely new wizarding sport where the field is a board and seasons change and take the rules with them? A Ted Lasso/HP crossover with a clueless Harry taking on a coaching challenge and journalist Draco trying to figure out what’s going on.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38261215

…And They Were Co-Teachers (31k): Some of the best OCs of all time. Perfectly shitty teens shipping their teachers, an amazing new set of colleagues who are Not Here for Harry’s crap, a fraught journey to a happy ending. Absolute banger of all time right here.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40751949

Moaning Myrtle, Matchmaker (7.5k): Myrtle is a good friend and number one member of the perpetual teen girl squad, and she is determined to help her pal Draco woo their common crush. She’s got the best intentions and the worst advice, and this fic is on rotation for me whenever I need a lift.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36788641

Bonus:

Always Up for a Good Time (4k): “Have you ever thought to yourself, ‘Wow, Alexis would be weirdly great at time travel?’” Just the most fun, as anyone who knows TheGoblinMatriarch or Alexis Rose would expect.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39616875

It was such a challenge to pick favorites out of the absolute generous abundance of gems she has dropped!

[carlos-in-glasses]

Nice Ask Week! Cig, I have some Lone Star Season 5 would-you-rather style questions for you!

1.Would you rather have Carlos as a Texas Ranger OR Carlos still working for APD but away from TK for 3-4 episodes on an undercover mission?

2. Would you rather have the search for Gabriel's murderer wrapped up in a few episodes OR have it stretch over the entire season?

3. Would you rather have Carlos sitting by an injured TK's hospital bedside OR have TK sitting by an injured Carlos' hospital bedside?

4. Would you rather have TK and Carlos angstily fighting for three whole episodes but culminating in a scene that the entire fandom agreed was unequivocally better than the soulmates scene and the proposal combined OR have no internal relationship conflict the entire season but also no new Tarlos scene that would warrant a place in the top 5 best scenes?

5. Would you rather have a season 5 consisting of lots of incredible Tarlos scenes but including one brief but questionable Tarlos storyline you didn't like very much OR only really good Tarlos storylines but with half the amount of Tarlos screen time?

Ooh thank you Anne! ❤️

Omgggggg. Ok. Bloody hell. I don't love the idea of Carlos as a Texas Ranger (although I'm very on the train of thinking that he is either a detective or ranger in s5, due to lack of bts). Sooo...I'd actually go for the second option but only if it meant they were very much together in all other episodes that provided plenty of Tarlos content. And the writing would need to be mint. If that wasn't to be the case...ok I'll take the Texas Ranger thing, but only until he finds Gabriel's killer and then switches jobs again.

I'd rather the search for Gabriel's killer was an entire season arc if it meant TK and Carlos (and the 126) were working as a team to solve it over time. If it's that Carlos is estranged from TK, then I'd want it wrapped up over a shorter arc.

I honestly don't have much of a preference here, but I think I'd opt for Carlos sitting by an injured TK's bedside, reflecting on all the things that have happened. I think it could be an amazing parallel to Push.

THIS is so hard but I think the first option! I'd hate it to begin with, not knowing that it would be resolved, but once it was resolved I'd be screaming like a banshee that it's the best TV I've ever watched. I love it in fics when they fight because I trust the author to give them a happy ending, so it would be a similar thing here (except I do have some trust issues with the show.)

I reckon I'd go with the first option here too. It's basically what season 4 was for me, but I got through that and ended up having a great time overall.

Thank you! This was fun!

Wedding smoochies!

[chainofclovers]

ted 😭

Season 1: We see more-than-a-glimmer of the hidden depths and pain, but his story is one of connecting, exploring, forgiving, and committing to a new place and to new people

Season 2: Ted's anxiety disorder forces him to take stock of his past, and he has to turn inward to very painfully connect, explore, forgive, and commit to himself

Season 3: Ted can no longer separate his life in London from the choice to be away from his son, and it weighs him down, detaches him, drains him. He makes the right choice; there is happiness; it's intentionally and unequivocally a sad ending. All the characters' happy endings are suspended in amber (even as we do get the mercy of understanding how they might live them)

[cherish--these--times]

I don’t mean to bring people down, but I think next episode will be a turning point for TedBecca. And by that I mean, if we don’t get substantial evidence that either Ted or Rebecca are starting to officially realise their feelings for each other, unequivocally, canonically and not just hinted at, it’ll probably mean it’s not happening. There’s a momentum following Amsterdam, a wave of positivity that should truly be the catalyst to bring them towards their own happiness. And there’s only 6 episodes left. It makes sense for it to happen this week, if at all. And go from there until the end of the season. Fingers crossed.

[carladuquette]

I see a lot of the Patrick/Ivan fans are sad, angry, heartbroken, you name it. And I feel you- my fav Elite canon ship did not end up together either. Then I started thinking and realized: This show is really not in the business of happily ever after. Hardly anyone we see in a relationship at some point leaves the show with said relationship intact. Once I obsess over sth, I can't let it go, so below you find all Elite relationships and whether the people involved were still together the LAST TIME we see them on the show.

The list goes chronologically by season the relationship started. Only canon, only people who could charitably be described as having a semi-longterm thing (sorry, Val/Rebe, drunk attempted hook-ups don't count), leaving out the abusers. If I forgot anyone, lmk. For the purpose of this, I'm assuming that the s6 finale was the last time we've seen the Blanco siblings.

You'll see the track record is pretty dire 😅 Without further ado, I give you

The Complete "Are They Still Together?" List, Elite edition

Marina/ Samuel – no

Marina/ Nano – no

Lu/ Guzman – no

Carla/ Polo – no

Carla/ Polo/ Christian – no

Carla/ Christian – no

Nadia/ Guzman – no

Omar/ Ander – …eeeh?

Lu/ Valerio – no

Carla/ Samuel – no

Cayetana/ Polo – no

Cayetana/ Polo/ Valerio – no

Carla/ Yeray – no

Nadia/ Malick – no

Omar/ Malick – no

Rebeka/ Samuel – no

Rebeka/ Mencia – no

Ari/ Guzman – no

Ari/ Samuel – no

Ander/ Patrick – no

Omar/ Patrick – no

Patrick/ Ivan – no

Rebeka/ Jess – no

Cayetana/ Felipe – YES!

Ari/ Nico – no

Isadora/ Didac – tbd

Rocio/ Bilal – tbd (if what they have is "a thing")

Sonia/ Nico – tbd

Kudos to my girl Caye - she and Felipe are literally the only ones so far to walk away with an unequivocal happy ending.

In conclusion, we've all been personally victimized by Elite before [insert Mean Girls gif].

[messymindofmine]

 I have so many thoughts about 4x12 and I still don’t know if they’re completely coherent. I absolutely loved it. I loved the communication between TK and Carlos and the growth we got.

I know that a lot of people were upset with the promo bc we see Carlos resorting to his old tactics of deflecting and avoiding important conversations. It’s ok to be upset about that. The truth is we have seen Carlos regress in a way this season. As much as I love the development we have seen for him this season, I think people are allowed to be frustrated with him at certain points. In fact, this season is actually the first time I have ever seen people be truly upset with Carlos over anything. I’ve said this before but I really do think that Tarlos needed to have a conflict where Carlos was the one who was unequivocally in the wrong in order for a lot of people to understand that Carlos has always had flaws. What we see in Carlos this season has always been there. But just bc people get upset with him at certain points does not mean that they don’t want to see his character develop or that they only want him as a support for TK or whatever. People are allowed to be frustrated and say that TK deserves a partner who is honest with him and willing to have important discussions. Carlos kept his marriage secret from TK for their entire relationship and we never even see that being acknowledged as wrong. People were understandably upset about that. But then they were satisfied after 4x02 bc we got to see them talk and we saw Carlos open up to TK in a way we’ve never seen him before. But then we see him become all cold and distant towards TK after Iris goes missing and we see TK drowning in guilt that he doesn’t even deserve with nobody to tell him that he did nothing wrong. In the end of the episode, Carlos straight up lies to TK about spending the night with TK even as TK is sitting at home feeling terrible. Carlos did hurt TK with his behavior. We should be able to point that out. Yet we never see that being acknowledged either. So people were upset about that as well. But then we had TK and Gabriel team up and rescue Carlos and people were happy again. The thing is though that we never see TK’s feelings being acknowledged at all during that time and I think that fed into the frustration over that scene in the beginning of 4x12 for a lot of ppl when we saw the promo. In that scene, it was like Carlos was still resorting to his usual avoidance tactics even after everything that happened earlier this season and I can understand why that would be frustrating for people. Especially since any time we have seen a conflict between Tarlos in the past, there was usually equal blame to share yet TK was the one who bore the brunt of it. This goes all the way back to 1x02. Carlos is the one who crossed a boundary and refuses to acknowledge that even as TK tries to (albeit not in the best way) explain that. Yet people were raging at TK then. This continued throughout s2. And then we had the breakup in s3. People were raging at TK even before we knew what had actually happened. And then the fact that Carlos had bought a home for them without talking to TK about it was almost completely overlooked. But Carlos gets to express his hurt without any acknowledgement of his own role and we see TK express his regret while we don’t see any of that this season with the marriage or with Carlos’s behavior in 4x03. It didn’t help that even the writers refused to acknowledge that Carlos had done something wrong by keeping his marriage a secret for so long. I suspect that this latent frustration also fed into the frustration with Carlos in the promo scene. Fortunately, the frustration towards Carlos seems to be pretty fleeting and calms down quite quickly. The hate against TK just doesn’t seem to go away. And I don’t think we can just write it off as TK stans only wanting Carlos to be perfect and not caring about his development. If that were the case then where are all the comments about TK not being good enough for Carlos coming from? Or how TK is so selfish? Or how Carlos should have made TK work to earn forgiveness after the breakup? Presumably that’s not coming from TK stans. I do think that there are people who are upset that Carlos’s flaws are being dug into this season but there have always been people who bristle at even the vaguest criticism towards Carlos. I’ve seen people express their discomfort over Carlos being a police officer get attacked. It honestly feels like Carlos is one character that we are just never allowed to criticize at all and I truly don’t think you can just write it off as TK stans wanting Carlos to be perfect. That being said, I am really tired of people trying to pit TK and Carlos against each other. A relationship is not a competition and TK and Carlos have no desire to compete with each other so it makes zero sense for fans to be doing that.

I absolutely love how we got to dig into Carlos’s insecurities more this episode. It’s important to remember that even though Carlos is a very important character, he isn’t really a *main” character in the way that TK and the other 126 members are since the show is ultimately about the 126. That’s why it’s taken a bit longer to really delve into his character. Although, they did start doing that in 2x04 and have continued throughout s2 and s3. But this season is where we are really getting into it. Really they could’ve just as easily made TK be the one not wanting kids and I suspect people would’ve been just as (if not more so considering how people are already so quick to lash out at him) upset with him but I like that they had Carlos be the one not wanting kids bc it actually does make sense. I suspected that his hesitancy to be a parent had something to do with his relationship with his father and that’s exactly what we see. I think it’s very poignant that Carlos says he’s never actually spoken aloud about this subject when he was talking to Andrea. This is what happens when someone spends their whole life feeling like they’re not allowed to express their emotions. Carlos clearly grew up in an environment where heavy topics were not talked about and talking about feelings were not encouraged for him. For someone who is quite a sensitive person, this would be a very painful thing to grow up with and it has clearly left a very deep mark on Carlos. And realistically speaking, it may not be something that ever really goes away. He may always struggle with opening himself up and talking about uncomfortable topics. But that’s ok as long as he’s at least willing to try bc a relationship can’t work if one person just refuses to even try to communicate properly. In the promo scene, TK does try to talk about it. He’s shocked that they haven’t had this discussion and is trying to get Carlos to talk about why he doesn’t want kids but Carlos just keeps deflecting. TK is also reacting to his own insecurities in this scene and that made it even more difficult. Even the reasons Carlos listed for not having kids were blatant excuses since he doesn’t even like to sleep in or travel and this likely fed into TK’s insecurities. Even Andrea called him out on this in the end. Both were struggling to communicate properly in that scene and that’s a totally normal thing. Even the most well-adjusted individuals are going to behave in less than ideal ways sometimes and even the strongest of couples are going to have moments of miscommunication and disagreements. Sometimes it’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. Both TK and Carlos are completely valid in this case, they just weren’t able to communicate their feelings properly in that moment. But then they decide to take a break and seek out help from others. This is particularly a moment of growth for Carlos bc he seems to have sought out Andrea for help. This is the same person who didn’t even tell his parents he had a boyfriend not that long ago and has grown up feeling like asking for help was a sign of weakness. And I think this is actually the first time we see Carlos’s tendency to avoid being blatantly pointed out. Carlos does try to deny it but Andrea doesn’t let him. And we see Carlos finally admitting something he has never even spoken out loud before. I can see how seeing Owen and TK would make Carlos reflect on his own relationship with his father. However imperfect of a parent Owen is, there has never been a time where TK hasn’t felt like he couldn’t go to his dad for help. Nor has there ever been a time where TK hasn’t felt safe in expressing his emotions to Owen. And when Owen is present in TK’s life, he’s actually a pretty great dad. Neither Owen nor TK are at all afraid to be affectionate with each other even if they’re in public. Owen also gave Carlos the support and approval that he has always yearned for from Gabriel. Carlos specifically says that he didn’t even have a relationship with his dad until 2 years ago so while he may feel better about where he and Gabriel are at now, it doesn’t just erase the hurt and the distance between them that existed for so long before that. And it’s not very realistic to expect Gabriel to change completely now. Realistically, he will probably never be able to get to a point where he’s comfortable expressing his own feelings and being affectionate in the way that Carlos wishes and that really sucks. Even if Carlos does get to express his pain about how Gabriel’s behavior after he came out affected him and Gabriel apologizes, thing may not automatically be fixed between them. However, that does not mean that Gabriel can’t still let his son know that he’s proud of him. After all, he did it in 2x08 and in 2x12. And Carlos may never get to a point where he is completely comfortable opening up but the fact that we see him trying in this episode shows that he is capable of growth. If he can at least stop avoiding important conversations then that will be tremendous growth. He opened up to his mother in this episode and realized that he needs to be honest with TK about why he’s so hesitant to have kids. And he does just that. And TK immediately accepts it and him bc TK loves him no matter what. TK knows Carlos’s heart, all he needs is to see that Carlos is at least trying to be open with him. And as soon as Carlos does, TK happily accepts it. You can see the way it looks like Carlos had had a heavy load lifted off his shoulders at the end as they embrace bc he finally feels like he can let that pain go a little and still be loved and accepted by TK. And he even offers up a compromise. As funny as the whole lizard thing is, it says a lot about how Carlos who was so against the idea of having a lizard in the home initially actually went and got a lizard for TK. I’m actually glad that this conversation was left open-ended and not necessarily resolved. Carlos may well change his mind at some point or he may not. Either way it’s fine bc he knows that he’ll have TK by his side no matter what. And TK knows that Carlos not wanting children isn’t a reflection on how Carlos views him. That was the actual root of his feelings in this episode. He took Carlos’s behavior at the beginning as Carlos thinking that TK would make a bad father. And then we see him expressing his fear to Owen that Carlos doesn’t think TK would be a good father bc he’s an addict. This is a perfectly legitimate fear bc it’s something people deal with IRL. There are lots of people out there who fear that won’t be good enough partners or good enough parents bc of their addiction. I’m glad that this was brought up. I also like that Carlos’s parents apparently know about it and are supportive. I especially like that we get to see Carlos say that he believes in TK’s recovery with all his heart. That is so important bc no matter how much TK may doubt his own strength and his own abilities at times, Carlos has never had any doubts whatsoever. 

As for the people who are upset about Carlos saying he doesn’t want kids bc they feel that it ruins their fantasy of dad!Tarlos, remember that the beauty of fanfic is that you can give yourself what canon isn’t giving you. There are plenty of wonderful dad!Tarlos fics out there already. Even if they end up never having kids on the show itself, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still enjoy the idea and write or read fics about it. 

I’ll be honest, I actually do agree with Carlos about them not having kids at least for now. After all, not having kids is a decision you can go back on if you so choose. You can’t go back on the decision to have kids. And if you do have kids before you felt ready, then that can lead to a whole bunch of other issues. And as we see, TK wasn’t even really upset about Carlos not wanting kids so much as he was about the fact that they never talked about it. He felt that it was a poor reflection on their relationship that they didn’t and that the reason they didn’t is bc Carlos thought TK would be a bad father. As I’ve said before, this is not a situation of who’s right and who’s wrong. Both Carlos and TK are completely valid. Also on a more personal note, I would much rather see them just be a married couple for at least a couple of seasons. They’re both very young and they have time. Now that the conversation has at least been opened up, they can always revisit it later on if they want. 

All of that said, the only thing that I want to say is that I hope people can take this episode as a reminder that just bc things look a certain way in the promos doesn’t mean that it’s the way things are actually going to transpire. We were told right from the start that all roads lead to the wedding so maybe we should just hold onto that instead of getting caught up in our knee-jerk reactions. Because the thing about knee-jerk reactions is that they are fleeting. The problem is when we start sharing those reactions online, other people see them and have knee-jerk reactions of their own. The next thing you know, everything snowballs and people end up getting their feelings hurt. Fandom is meant to be an escape, it should not be a source of stress. People are allowed to feel however they feel in the moment but it’s also a good idea to remember that how we feel in the moment may not be how we end up feeling later. And remember that the whole point of these promos is to incite a reaction so of course they’re going to give us the most dramatic stuff and not let us know about the resolution until the episode itself. I honestly do wish that they would stop releasing Tarlos promos all together at this point bc I actually get stressed out by them too. But since that’s probably not going to happen, the best advice I can give to everybody (no matter what your feelings are) is to just take a deep breathe and remember that we don’t know the full story. After this episode, I think it’s safe to say that we are getting meaningful development and we can trust the writers to provide us with good character growth even if the storytelling is questionable at times. After all, this episode was hyped as a top 5 Tarlos episode and people were so skeptical about that after the promo yet that’s exactly what we ended up with

[aceofnace]

I'm honestly expecting the worst and the best from the final 3 episodes. On the one hand I'm thinking there is no way they're giving Nancy a soulmate that's not ace even if they thought there was a fifth season, he's some version of ace or something similar, they can't just not give us nace soulmates after they hinted at it, and there are some signs there is some sort of connection btw ace and Tristan, the writers know how much we love nace and they also seem to love them. On the other hand I think I'm being delusional and I'm going to get my hopes crushed and there is no way they're going to do two supernatural secrets related to nace what with the black door also coming into play???? Idk idk 😐😐😐😐 I'm kind of spiraling out of my mind

First of all, your thinking is correct: they're not giving Nancy a soulmate who is not Ace, especially not a character who was introduced this season and has only been in 4 episodes (2 of which he was only seen in minimally at best). One could claim, "well, but they didn't know it was the last season, so maybe they had bigger plans for Tristan for future seasons" but I really don't think that's the case. The writers have known for a long time now that Nace is where it's at for this show. A majority of the show's vocal fans online ship them. Nace is even one of the main reasons why a lot of people have started checking out the show in the last couple of years. The chances that the writers decided in the 11th hour, "screw those Nace shippers, we're gonna make some rando the love of Nancy's life!" are very, very slim. I know some people don't trust these writers for whatever reason, but I do. I at least trust them to give us the Nace endgame they've been working toward since early season 2.

Now, on the off chance they did make Tristan Nancy's soulmate, I think maybe he'd just be one of her soulmates (remember Nancy's "maybe we get more than one" comment to Carson in 3x13), and Ace would be another one. And she'll choose Ace. Nancy always chooses Ace. Not only in this lifetime, but in probably every lifetime before. But again, I'm not sure Tristan will turn out to be a soulmate. Because I still have my suspicions on exactly who/what Tristan actually is. And now some people are starting to look into the lyrics of songs that have played during Nancy and Tristan scenes and it's making them question his role in the story even more.

I don't think you're being delusional at all. You say "there is no way they're going to do two supernatural secrets related to Nace", but why not? We all thought there was no way they would keep giving us steamy Nace scenes that turned out to be dreamscapes/nightmares/hallucinations, yet they did (as frustrating as that was, haha). And the fact that this curse and them getting together has been dragged out until the series finale means that their love is a big, important part of the overall story. No ship with some new, random character is going usurp what has been built up with Nace for ultimately 4 seasons now.

Believe me when I say I've never felt more confident in my life that two characters were going to be endgame. And not only endgame but futuregame as well. I think the series will end with us knowing unequivocally that Nancy and Ace are madly in love and always will be. And that once they are together, that's it. There will never be anyone else for either one of them ever again. I believe that is what all of this is leading up to. And some people will complain (and rightfully so) that we didn't get enough sweet, romantic, domestic moments with them as a couple, but it is what it is. The show could've been canceled after 3x13 and we would've been left with the knowledge that Nancy and Ace were cursed for eternity and would never get the chance to live a happy life together. On 8/23, we're at least going to finally see them happy and together, and I will cherish that no matter how brief it may be.

[coppermarigolds]

After sleeping on it (a little, because I spent most of the late night/early morning hours stewing in angst), I’m feeling a little calmer about Caryl and their ending.

Are AMC the biggest cowards in history for denying them a kiss? Yep! Were mindboggling choices and inexplicable lines of dialogue spewed out in service of setting up a solo spinoff nobody asked for? Yep! Is it what longsuffering fans deserved after 12 years of teasing? Nope! Will I watch one second of Cirque du Daryl? I would sooner rip out my own spine and hang myself with it.

But. When I step back and try to look at it with clear eyes, two things are true. One, we honestly got a lot more than I expected given the trajectory of season 11. I was just hoping for interaction between them that didn’t center on plot points or the kids. I never even dared hope for them to, finally, exchange “I love you.” 

And two, even with a substandard ending? They have far, far more than most ships ever get. I’m in my 30s so I’m old by fandom standards. I’ve been shipping and writing fanfic for over two decades, so I’ve shipped a LOT of pairings. Last night, I was thinking over the long list of fictional couples that have given me happiness over the years, and I STRUGGLED to come up with even one that a) was canon, and b) had an unequivocally satisfying, happy ending. I’ve had one or two that came close, but even then, there was drama or uncertainty of some kind. I wrote thousands of words of fic for a pairing that only ever lightly flirted in canon. I wrote thousands of words for a pairing that consisted entirely of meaningful glances and invaded personal spaces, but without a spoken “I love you” or anything definitive. I wrote thousands of words for a pairing that was canon but ended when one of them decided to sacrifice the other in a battle. 

Caryl got more than any of those pairings did. Is it enough? No. But I’ve done more with far, far less. I guess that’s the positive I’m holding on to right now.

And, honestly? No matter the fandom, if it’s even semi-sizable, the fanfic is usually better than the canon writing. Because fans can do whatever the hell they want without operating under the constraints of execs/producers/actors who wouldn’t know good storytelling if it bit them in the ass. 

[inkofamethyst]

June 26, 2023

Hm.  It does, in fact, seem that I have expelled most of my terror into that last post.  Now it kind of sits as a numb, low hum at the back of my mind instead of endless, tormented howling.  Figuratively, of course.  Anyway, the worry is still there, here, but just not as dreadfully centered.

My photo-friend, a former psychology major, once told me several years ago that catharsis was fake.  That there was no such effect documented scientifically.  That me journaling my negative emotions was only making them stronger, not somehow releasing them.  Time and time again, I feel that I must be proving scientific literature wrong.  But hey, that’s what a scientist does, right?

Now, I confess, I have, some winters, felt so dreadful that I listened to nothing but sad and angry music and isolated myself for months.  That was not catharsis.  That was wallowing.  A depression somewhat aided by the shorter, colder days, in addition to personal and/or international despair.

Maybe, then, true catharsis is just for me.  Some secret method of shedding the negative.  When I’m not in a self-created environment of it, that is.  If I’ve filled the box I’m in with negativity, shedding the negative from my skin won’t remove it from me, but add to the scenery.

Okay, enough with the philosophizing.

I finished watching Manifest with my dad, and I think the ending really, really delivered.  I mean, the show was textbook Lost-esque: large ensemble cast of unique characters experiences a mystery-riddled ordeal together, somehow isolated from the rest of the world.  There are clues and connections and buildups and twists and throwbacks and central characters and peripheral characters, all of whom we grow to know and care about.  I think the main difference between the ending of Manifest and Lost is that the characters in Lost were suck on that stupid island (I mean it was an interesting island, but it was, by nature, isolated).  Anything they did was stuck on that island.  There was literally (pretty much) no impact on the outside world once they boarded that plane.  They were all unknowingly fighting for a spot to be the protector of some special island that was only important, from my recollection, because Jacob said it was.  Because it contained the Man In Black and kept him from destroying humanity like some sort of Pandora’s Box, or something.  But, in its finale, Manifest demonstrated that the ensemble’s ordeal had a greater purpose that clearly and actually impacted themselves and their world.  I think I teared up when Lost ended because those iconic final few shots with Jack and seeing the cast all together again and happy after seasons of trials was a little emotional.  Sure there was some growth: Sun and Jin, most notably, Hurley...  But the characters in Manifest all grew and exhibited their growth clearly in those final minutes.  Sure, the show got a little wacky, just like Lost did, in mixing science and reasoning with magic and faith, but it was entertaining and interesting, with an ending that was heartwarming and, in my opinion, beautifully satisfactory (though my father did guess what would happen after they boarded the plane that final time, but he’s seen a lot more television than I have).  Four seasons is a reasonable length (it’s the only show I’ve watched from the beginning of college to its end, actually), and I would recommend it to Lost-lovers.

[edit: one thing about Manifest though, and maybe it’s just that I was raised Christian and live in a Christian-dominant culture, but I found an interesting Christian-y bend to the show.  And I’m not talking just about Angelina’s character background or the whole Romans(?) 8:28 thing near the beginning, but across the show and even in the finale, the idea of a sort of eternal, infinite punishment for finite crimes is a very Christian thing.  Now, don’t get me wrong in the slightest, seeing unequivocally bad, unrepentant people suffer feels immensely satisfying.  That’s because I’m human.  It’s that instant reaction.  But, after thinking about it just a little, it’s just kind of unfortunate, honestly.  I think a less satisfying but, perhaps, more just ending would have been those bad people not being able to recall or in any way use the growth that could have occurred during those five years, unlike the protagonists.  But to an audience, and as a piece of fiction, it might have seemed too lenient.]

Lost changed the game in television.  But it’s hard to maintain a position as both the first and the best as time goes on.

Today I’m really, really thankful that I feel less worried.

[brinconvenient]

Watching the season finale of the first season of "The Good Place" was an absolute light bulb moment for me. I instantly regretted that I could never experience that episode and that season for the first time ever again.

Wonderfully, though, knowing the events of the episode only makes a rewatch more rewarding.

The other moment I can think of is the climax and denouement of "Where The Red Ferns Grow" by Wilson Rawls. It was the first time a book ever made me cry (I was 10). It was the first time I ever felt betrayed by a narrative, but that was due to my expectations and not to anything about the quality of the writing. It was the first time I learned that a happy ending isn't always uncomplicated, or even unequivocally happy. "Bridge to Terabithia" was the second book to give me that exact same experience and I read them a month apart. I'm only barely emotionally recovered 34 years later.

In all of the experiences above, the thing that makes the emotional, mental and visceral reactions truly impacting is that the event was completely and genuinely earned by the narrative. There was no twist or emotional left turn that happened only to create drama or tension in the narrative. It wasn't cheap, it wasn't thrown at you out of the blue. It was set up by giving you the audience the time and justification to become emotionally invested in the narrative, the characters, the setting.

That is the dragon I'm forever chasing.

I'd love some input from anyone reading this!!

You're in the middle of playing a game, watching a show, reading something, or maybe just finishing it up. You're hit by the realization that you're currently in the middle of something special. Something that ticks all of the boxes for top-tier content that you have. Something that makes you think. Something that makes you feel. Something that you won't ever be able to experience for the first time again. Something that will become a standard you hold everything else to. Something you won't ever forget.

What is that something for you? What do you call that feeling? Gush about it! Give me that wordsalad. Go feral homie, I wanna know!