#and trying to use my student status to do interesting things even though it would push back finding full time employment

[creativecupcake]

Oh Goddess Beyond

Welcome to my new series. This is a yandere/self aware AU for Twisted Wonderland. Just wanted to give a heads up on the Yandere stuff since it is more of a slow reveal. All characters (minus Ortho) are 18+, and all students will be love interests. Debating if my Yuu will be a love interest or platonic, let me know what y’all think.

Chapter 1 - The Champion of Wonderland

Part 2

Yuuto didn’t know how to explain it, but Twisted Wonderland had felt oddly safe and comforting since he had arrived. He didn’t belong, his memory of home was oddly fuzzy, and he had faced monsters and overblots left and right since he arrived, but he’d always felt some kind of…presence that told him he would be ok. But there was also a deep longing, a sense that something, someone important from him was missing. He’d often play with the charm on his braid and feel a sense of comfort, just like he had when he asked his friends to call him Yuu instead of his full name. 

He’d actually really enjoyed learning from all of his friends about their world and the different lands that they lived in. But there was one thing that seemed to tickle his brain, everyone had brushed over it as such a common thing. The Goddess. Not a goddess, not one of the goddesses, THE Goddess. Someone above even the Great Seven. He’d gotten hints about her as he’d explored the world. Riddle and Trey mentioning that one rule had been key because the Queen of Hearts got it word for word from the Goddess herself. Ruggie mumbling about how the Goddess wouldn’t stand for this when seeing a starving beastman in the market. Floyd had actually gotten rather violent when another student in the lounge said that the Goddess preferred their land to the cold damp oceans. He didn’t want to remember how pissed the Octotrio had been about that comment. After Jamil’s overblot, Kalim had mentioned how the Goddess had opened his eyes to the truth and he would do his best to understand Jamil. He heard Ortho wonder about how the Goddess would feel about him right before the overblot on the Isle of Woe. And after they had all been freed from Malleus’ magic, the defeated dragon had sobbed about how he had failed to see the Goddess’ love in his own family.

That led us to this moment. In the aftermath Yuu had finally asked someone to explain who this goddess was to him. Well, that sure opened a can of worms! All of his friends seemed to have forgotten, again, that Yuu wasn’t from Twisted Wonderland. They told him how the Goddess was taught to children before they even started school. She was such a part of their lives, that it felt like they didn’t even have to explain who she was. They agreed to meet in the library tomorrow to give Yuu the FULL story of her.

Yuu wouldn’t say it out loud, but he was surprised to see everyone gathered in one place. Some, like Leona and Ruggie, explained that they wanted to make sure that they were able to represent their country’s views on the Goddess. Turns out each region and kingdom had different views of the Goddess. And these portrayals were reinforced by her different interactions with each of the Great Seven, and a few other historical figures. He was able to get some consistent ideas though. She was kind, cared for the treatment and equality of her people, always strove for improvement, and did not discriminate in any form against her followers. The worship of her also varied pretty widely and it led to some rather heated arguments between the dorms.

Yuu finally asked why he hadn’t seen any pictures or statues of said goddess, only to be told that her image was so sacred that most did not try to depict her directly. Most art of her true depiction were in churches and other sacred places, but plenty of art was meant to depict how the people saw her. However, there was one picture of her true form that was mass produced, it showed her and her champion.

That word sent jolt down Yuu’s spine. Champion? They had never mentioned a Champion. Lilia was the one to say that the Champion came from an ancient prophecy. The Champion was the Goddess’ companion, who eased her great loneliness when she created the beginnings of Twisted Wonderland. She told the Great Seven that her Champion protected her from all, and that they would lead the Goddess back to their realm when it was deemed safe. 

Malleus used magic to bring a book to the group as he took over the explanation. Centuries ago a great painter felt the presence  of the Goddess and heard her whispers in his dreams. She called for him to paint a portrait of her and her champion, one that she would bless so that only they could see her true face. A painting to be spread around the world to help her champion be known to all. And with that he laid the open book on the table in front of Yuu.

Choked breathes seemed silent as the group began to argue again about who the Champion could be. Yuu felt himself disconnecting from the world around him. It all made sense, the safe presence that made him felt comforted and calm, the familiarity of this world, even when he knew he had never been here. He knew this face. He knew HER face. 

“A-Amira,” he nearly sobbed, silencing the room. All eyes turned to the magicless prefect, many seething, no one spoke the Goddess’ given name! She was sacred! 

“Child of man-” Malleus started, trying to keep his tone from bristling, only to be cut off by a happily sobbing Yuu.

“That’s my friend Amira!” Yuu hiccuped, holding up the book to show the group. To all their surprise the painting seemed to change, like a fog lifting before them it shifted to reveal the face of two smiling children, one was the Goddess they had all known from birth, and the other… none other than the prefect who had befriended them over the year. 

Many of the boys collapsed into chairs as they came to the realization that Yuu was the Champion. As they looked back at the time in Night Raven College certain things seemed to finally make sense. 

“I’ve felt it before, the Goddess’ presence” Leona was the first to speak up, calculated eyes glancing around the room. “Since prefe-the Champion arrived I’ve felt the Goddess’ eyes on me. Encouraging words telling me to attend certain classes, cheering me on as I fly.”

“D-do you have dreams about fighting and practicing magic too?” Deuce cut in. “I… I’ve had dreams about us having duels against monsters, shadows, sometimes I even fought against you guys or with a clone of myself.” Murmurs of agreement went around the room, slowly coming to a realization. 

“The twins and I have felt the same. The strong pull of the Goddess to lessons, encouraging us to…fly-” Azul and Jade made faces. “But Floyd mentioned feeling her and even hearing her during the Cooking Crucible.” Floyd’s face seemed to smug, looking at his brother and friend like they had to finally believe him. 

“A-after the whole deal with the Isle of Woe,” Idia started off, refusing to look at anyone. “I dreamt of fighting with Ortho and Prefect, uh, Champion to defeat my Overblot. I heard her voice telling me how things. Like that I could beat the darkness. That I didn’t need to hold back, and let all the hurt weigh me done…talk about charisma 100, put all my power into that boss fight.” 

Each of them added small stories, fighting the overblots, struggling in classes; dream battles. As they seemed to come to terms with the situation, they turned back to Yuu, who was staring at the book in his hands with longing. The missing piece, he had found it, but where was she?

“The Sorcerer of the Sand said that the Goddess gifted the Champion her icon,” Jamil mentioned, scanning Yuu for anything that could stand out. “That it linked them together even between worlds.” 

Yuu was starting to feel his heart ache, anxiety slowly clawing at his chest and up his throat. He didn’t remember! He knew her face! He knew her name! He KNEW her! But he couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t he remember anything? Desperately, he began to fidget with the charm on his braid, feeling it the questioning eyes burn into his skin. As he opened his mouth, thinking of what he could say, he felt warmth slowly blanket his body. A gentle glow encompassed the charm between his fingers, dim pink light taking over the room. All the boys felt their anxious and negative thoughts wash away. They felt a calmness they only felt in the Goddess’ sacred places. It was safe, it was soothing, it felt like they were held in a friendly embrace.

As the glow faded, they had no doubts. Yuu was the Champion, and he led the Goddess’ presence around the world. The prophecy was real, so how would their goddess return? Why was she not here?

”We should bring this to Queen Maleficia,” Silver began, thinking of the next steps.

“And why should we do that?” Vil took over, standing up as Rook followed him. “It’s obvious Our Lady of Beauty sent her Champion to Night Raven for a reason.”

“As much as I dislike agreeing with the beauty queen, he’s right.” Leona stood, Ruggie smirking as he followed, and Jack standing between the two dorms. “The Goddess sent her Champion here, with no memory for a reason. He’s able to interact with students of all lands and backgrounds. We all know the prophecy states that HE will lead her back to us.”

“Child of- no, Champion, where do you stand?” Malleus asked, bringing Yuu out of a dazed state.

“I…I want to bring her to Twisted Wonderland.” He started, thinking about all the times he had sensed her warmth. “She would love this place,” he smiled, staring back at her painted smile.

“Then let us bring our Goddess home.”

They had discussed a plan for hours, long into the night and missing curfew. This drew the attention of the staff, as most of the Housewardens and Vice Housewardens were quite responsible. Breaking the news to their teachers and headmage felt surreal. Many had faked being the Champion over time, they brought up doubts and questions, only to be shown the revealed painting and the now enchanted charm in Yuu’s braid. 

“To think I would live to see this day,” Trein shakily breathed, as he and Lucius collapsed into a chair. 

“The Goddess’ eyes have been upon us this entire time,” Crewel nearly retched, thinking of all the things she could have seen. 

“Does that mean we’ve been housing the Goddess’ Champion and her eyes in Ramshackle?” Vargas brought up, all eyes snapping to the flustered headmage.

“The Goddess… in Ramshackle, oh what have I done,” the bird began the rant like a madman.

“So, what do we do now? How do we prepare for her perfection?” Crewel asked, turning to his students. 

“Yuu is her Champion, so we think he is the key to it,” Ace began, slinging his arm around Yuu’s neck.

“We have estimated that the magic mirror he has mentioned in his dorm is a 99.9998% match for the way to get back to the Goddess’ rest realm.” Ortho cut in, bringing up a hologram of all of their plans and observations. “But we need to do some research on the areas that we are lacking knowledge. Even with OP characters like Malleus Draconia and Leona Kingscholar we can not risk breaking the gateway back to the Goddess without proper preparations.”

“Not to mention that gives us time to prepare not only NRC and Ramshackle for her everlasting beauty,” Rook interjected, looking at Vil and Crewel. “But we can perfect a room dedicated to her rest and gift her a full wardrobe.” Oh how the fashionistas began to dream of designing the literal goddess of beauty and perfection their own creations.

“And since Yuu seems to be regaining his memories we think it best to give him some time,” Jade smiled, wider than anyone had ever seen. “That allows us to get the best for our Goddess and learn what we can from Yuu’s memories.”

Trein stood up, his hands on the table as he drew the room’s attention to himself. “If you are all right and the Champion has been sent to Night Raven for a specific reason then we must prepare. If her light has gifted us the chance to be the ones to greet her then we must take all our precautions to make sure that we meet her desires.” He met eyes with all in the room, an aura of determination swelling within them. “For tonight we keep this between us, she has given us this gift so we must keep it close to the chest. I will work with Mr Ashengrotto to work on a contract to get the assistance of the other students as this will be an arduous task and we will need all hands. The ghosts on the other hand-”

“Well now me and my friends from the other side have taken care of the end.” Sam’s voice cut through, entering the library with Grim at his side.

“Hench-human! I thought you were gonna be talking boring history and things. If I’d known you were going to get a cool title and talk about Momma Goddess I woulda schooled y’all.” Grim cheered, hopping on Yuu’s head.

With that, the group agreed to spilt up for the night and meet up tomorrow to delve into the plan and see what would need to come next. 

Well there’s my intro chapter for this story. I would like to thank @kiame-sama and @writingforatwistedworld for inspiration on this story. I’m currently working on a sketch for my Yuu (Yuuto) and you’ll be seeing Amira (the Goddess) and the boys’ plan in the next chapter. I hope you all enjoyed and if you have any questions about the AU or the characters feel free to ask.

[lookingforyn]

Hi! Could you please do headcanons for Byakuya togami with fem reader who is the ultimate princess, please<3

(Ignore how that's sonias ultimate 😭)

Definitely!!! I love these Byakuya requests he’s amazing 😔❤️❤️

Hey for fics like this were it’s simple headcannons would that be considered fluff or neutral or not label it at all? Idk please send suggestions on what to call it cause I wouldn’t say this is fluff but idk what else to label it would really appreciate feedback thanks!! 😭😭😭

Byakuya Togami x fem reader who is the ultimate princess

SFW, headcannon format, fem reader/pronouns, killing game setting

━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━

• He doesn’t insult your talent unlike the others but that doesn’t mean he’s not insulting you. He thinks he’s more deserving of the title of “noble” (I mean he basically runs/owns the world so-) contrary to others belief that he was just born with a silver spoon in his mouth he had to fight for his name his whole life let alone how important his job is to the world. No, you were born in a family of royals that taught you exactly what to do without sweating a drop you only have that title because your a teenage princess and Hopes Peak wants high status students to enrol. You’re not on my level unlike what people think, I’ll rip down the curtain of lies you hold towards your subjects, this is going to be interesting.

•The other students adore you, you have the presence of a Disney princess how graceful and sweet you were to everyone including Byakuya. Although you have respect for yourself and know how to handle issues you haven’t snapped at him unlike Asahina, instead you practice gentle parenting with him though it never works the way you want it to he doesn’t bother you as much as when you two first met not wanting to be treated like a child. He has authority over society itself and YOU show up and have the audacity to treat him as if he’s going in time out? Not a chance with him no matter what your ultimate is

•You also make everything so boring for him. Anytime confrontation is at rise you come in and smooth it all out, he especially hates this in trials. The most interesting game he’s played in a while and you take all the tension and rivalry out of it by your ability to control them like sheep, it’s pathetic how they eat out of the palm of your hand with such blindness although he does have his ways of stirring the pot

•He tries to avoid you whenever he can cause you always make the effort to sink your hooks in him to gain his submission (at least that’s how he sees it) Mondo would make a threat at him and there you are in front of the boy with sternness “There is no need for such language, those insults get us nowhere we need to stick together and that means we need to get along at least tolerate each other. You two are intelligent enough to try hm?” You say with a kind and genuine smile melting Mondos heart with your speak. “Yea that works…” he says looking away from you with a blush on his face “Your words mean nothing here, this isn’t some team effort exercise, it’s kill or be killed with only one victor and by observation of all of you the answer is too easy.”

• You’re just too… bland. Your positive and loving your fair to everyone yet stand your ground and hold your authority and your intellect in the trials does surprise him. You’re too cheesy for him your sweetness rots his brain from all of your idiotic parenting.

•Yet you never give up on him. Your too cheesy always ask if he wants to sit at the table with the rest of them no matter what he says you’ll ask again tomorrow. You complement his intellect in the trials and in how he runs his corporation even asking for tips on financial business with other countries but to no avail. You even ask if he wants tea when you brew a pot in the kitchen, all of it gives him a headache and you don’t gain anything out of your little mission it even makes things harder on you with how Toko and Genocide threaten and belittle you with how protective they are with Byakuya but you never give up, maybe you are that pure of a person

•You always resemble a little girls doll, dressed in ribbons and lace your tiara sparkling like glitter in the light. No wonder everyone loves you, like a little girl staring through the glass of a toy shop in aw of its design, well your facade won’t work on him he doesn’t see your beauty the way the rest of them do he just sees you as what you are, just a pretty doll nothing more nothing less yet even he peaks his head up when you enter the room it fills him with disgust of how even he can’t help but to stare at how elegant that dress is and how your hair flows like silk

•Well let’s just say he doesn’t like you but he does get mesmerized by you from time to time it’s just the way you are, though it will take a while there is a soft spot that you can work with to make him at least tolerate you just keep doing what your doing and let him come to you when he’s ready :)

[animeomegas]

My favourite is Riddle as well. I really like him because I’m a sucker for characters like Riddle that start off as really rigid and strict and then learn how to let go a little bit. His story with his mother is super interesting and sad so seeing his growth across the game has been great. He also has the perk of being the first person to overblot so he’s had more time to grow compared to the later overblotters.

I think Riddles mother would probably be an alpha. Considering her high status and authority and some get attitude towards others like Treys parents (I think she berated them for like 2 hours) her being an alpha fits her well I believe. I don’t think her treatment of Riddle would honestly change too much because of him not being an alpha but she would probably be a little stricter.

I don’t think nesting would be straight up banned since Riddles mother is a doctor but I do think there would be rules. Like the materials are ones she choices herself, no toys or plushies as she views playing as a waste of time, Riddle wouldn’t be allowed to nest for very long so it doesn’t cut into his studying time. I could see her using it as a punishment if Riddle doesn’t listen and potentially even taking it away entirely after she catches him at Treys family bakery.

I could see Riddle becoming insecure about being an omega because of his mother, even if she didn’t mean for him to. Considering the students at nrc Riddle being an omega would be something others would use to not take him as serious as someone with authority. Also if his mother did use nesting against him he’d probably avoid it after going to nrc since it would have a lot of negative feelings attached and he’d also view it as a waste when other omegas around him do it.

Riddles alpha would definitely need to be patient and help and support him as he works through his thoughts on nesting and his trauma from his mother.

Omg I was only planning on writing a little bit of things but it’s been almost an hour hope you enjoy my thoughts😭

I love all of this, yes!!! Thank you for sending this to me, I love Riddle so much!

Riddle's character arc is so compelling, I agree. His mother being an alpha makes a lot of sense, as it would provide her with more social clout, as well as bolster her sense of authority, although I think it might be more subconscious for her, or based on the way others treat her, than any conscious belief that being an alpha makes one better.

I agree with you that she wouldn't treat Riddle differently for being an omega though. I think some people have the inclination to make characters like her all around bad, but I think keeping her negative traits consistent is important. She's obviously a believer in meritocracy, so primary or secondary genders are meaningless to her, success and academics are the only metric she cares about.

I LOVE your interpretation of Riddle's nesting being controlled but allowed. I imagine his mother put time limits on his nesting, almost treating it like a necessary life chore, such as bathing, that had to be done but shouldn't interfere with the more important parts of life, like studying.

So she does view it as normal and needed, but I don't know if Riddle internalised her behaviour in that way. I think he viewed it as something that got in the way of doing what he needed to do to make his mother proud and keep his anxiety down. Nests don't make him feel better, rules do. This is why he rarely does it at NRC. He's too busy.

And her choosing the materials herself and presenting them to Riddle to use is so in character for her. She picked out the 'right' materials and gave it to him, no arguments. If he had an alpha or friend to support him in trying to nest himself, I think he'd feel really overwhelmed by all the choice and lack of rules.

Also, hear me out, what if the only time Riddle was allowed to nest indefinitely was when he was really sick? His mother, being a doctor, knows full well that omegas recover faster when they feel safe and comforted, so she is all for him nesting so that he can recover faster.

Once he's in NRC, he only nests if he's very sick. It's the only time he can convince himself it's needed.

I don't see Riddle being insecure about being an omega, but I do see him doubling down even more with his harsh authority because some people used to challenge him just because he's an omega. By the time he's housewarden, no one makes that mistake anymore.

A patient, emotionally intelligent alpha is a must for Riddle. Someone who knows when to push him into making his own decisions and when to provide arbitrary rules and framework to make him feel more comfortable.

Honestly, I love him so much, I just want the best for him 😭

(My answer turned into an essay too, I hope you don't mind XD)

[paingoes]

cute delta things i didn’t get to focus on as much as i wanted

ie my underrated facts and as of yet unused whump ideas :)

-he literally faints all the time when using his powers and needs to be carried back out. mostly by simon. sometimes by paris :)

-martino has med students!!! they pop in sometimes i never really acknowledged them directly tho. theyre older than delta but not by that much. he is basically a case study to them but some of them do try ti get close and immediately get demoted/reassigned because of “inappropriate attachment”

-i had this idea for martino taking delta to a medical conference. delta having to be on display/used for tests w really green and overexcited students. extremely awkward stay at the conference hotel. delta is probably high for a lot of it tbh.

-also. delta is on a ton of medications to keep his powers elevated. he is only vaguely aware of this. its actually kinda considered doping in universe so most people are NOT aware of this!!!!

-simon and martino fighting more. i like the idea of simon being gentle w delta and martino going out of his way to try and counteract it and dehumanize him again to preserve his conditioning

-simon and paris talks. simon is way too much of a pussy to confront paris head on and i think they generally get along fine? becuz simon is a bystander. also paris pretends not to remember either of the handlers names even though he definitely knows them.

-delta is totally starved for affection but he would not accept it from just anyone i think hes actually kinda picky about it bizarrely enough. hes v distrusting and when his internet friends tried to be nice to him his response was invariably “just fuck off”…. and he actually likes them he just gets mad anyway cause he cant handle it 😭

-delta and paris kinda just hang out sometimes LOL…. paris always (correctly!) feels like hes in an adversarial environment whenever he has to go anywhere for work and delta is usually the only person there he trusts so if theyre not doing anything else its just gossip time.

-incidentally ^ delta was really deliberately not taught anything about history or politics or ethics at the institute because they didnt want him getting ideas but paris is heavy into that stuff and complains about it so much that delta just picks up on it. he absorbs info like a sponge its why he was such a good whistleblower.

-to me this is obvious but paris’s chillness-over-time graph is a bellcurve. like he is AWFUL at the beginning and awful at the end but in the middle he got very close to actually chilling the fuck out. he barely knew delta in the beginning and i think he did v much warm to him overtime and loosen the parameters of their relationship a lot. this is peak chill time. the assassination ruined everything but paris still… liked delta afterwards he was just insane and dangerous and delta was at ground zero of that. 

         (sidenote: some of the early paris chapters are so bad in terms of what he did and how he was written i actually feel the need to retcon some of it? it took a while for me to hit my stride w him, take the early stuff w a grain of salt)

-anyway. people LIKE delta. even though he doesnt talk hes v cute and unflappable in a way that’s very endearing to people even in empire. people do definitely go out of their way to fuck w him and its dehumanizing and they shouldnt do it but its not necessarily mean-spirited a lot of the time they just think hes interesting.

-sometimes it is meanspirited though. wanted to write something w misc soldiers trying to bully him. cause delta is obviously v submissive and incapable of defending himself but he’s also not trained to obey just anyone. in fact he would have some v large objections to that! (also an excuse to write protective paris at the end lol u know theyre dead)

-more simon carewhumper status. i wrote destroyer before i knew almost anything about whump like i didnt even know what a “carewhumper” was when i wrote it so i was surprised to see someone tag it w that. i guess it’s technically true! anyway i feel bad i let simon fall so much to the wayside. i think delta deserved more comfort over the events of destroyer and his relationship w simon really was very important to him so its on my list.

-thorn era sickfic. maybe the same psychic fever that makes him loopy? might be good for a non-canon bonus i cant tell if it would be more hurt or comfort yet

-this is a lot to get into but if i had to explain the way delta’s powers “worked” i would say that his only true ability is being a conduit. he is not really producing anything he is just tapping into something that is already there. it is not a meaningful difference to an outside party but in terms of what it feels like to use them….. its very psychedelic and psychospiritual and trippy. wouldnt recommend. also i really liked the tag that called delta a mage. its cute bcuz he actually loves pulp fantasy. he would like that :)

[bunnydracula]

hello, huge admirer of your work & words in general

do you have any advice/ just thoughs for artists in their early 20s trying to make a living off of their passions in the current climate? i think you have very interesting perspective

thank you for the lovely message! i must admit though this entire question is made up of phrases i generally (but compassionately, not indifferently) shrug my shoulders at.

i’m never sure what to say to people asking for career advice specifically, especially people whose particular circumstance and desired field i don’t know. i’m also not sure what to say to anyone in their early 20s that has to do with that life period in particular, since it’s so different for everybody. i have good friends in their early 20s as well as comics students that age, but i don’t have age-specific wisdom for them since i’m not that much older than they are! my early 20s were spent beginning my transition and working a string of back-breaking jobs that i would happen to quit at precisely the right time to qualify for lockdown-era increased unemployment benefits (BERNIE BUCKS!!!!). remember how the united states showed its hand that it could use all the superprofits that it extracts thru blood all around the world to create a cushy welfare state for millions of people but only did it for a few months (partly because it sought to increase repression again after the george floyd uprisings)? anyway.... during that brief period of financial peace i was able to shape up my portrait skills and find the beginnings of my voice as a cartoonist. i wish i could gift that to everybody. every person deserves periods of quiet to figure out what they're doing. the truth is just that i got very lucky. so i'm not interested in being an aspirational symbol if anyone is under the impression that my advice can guarantee an artmaking practice that might resemble the one i have found for myself. i guess when i think about your phrase, "make a living off of their passions", i just want to reassure you that no matter your circumstances, the value of your passions is not dictated by your ability to make a living off of them. like let's just unpack the phrase "make a living" and pause for a moment to feel just a smidgen of how violent this cultural pay-to-play arrangement is. whenever possible, you should make money in whatever way will crush your spirit the least while meeting the needs that you have. my priority is always pursuing the maximum amount of freedom; sometimes that means freedom from losing my mind about rent every month, so i need to pick up a few shifts as a house manager at a local theater. sometimes that freedom means thinking about hot draculas the entire time i'm working at the theater. sometimes it means ending a project! i also really want to encourage every artist, if i possibly can, to attempt in their every day life and in their work to divest from the REAL CAREER vs. HOBBY psychic binary as much as possible. always. forever, until the distinctions explode. the truth of the matter, as i understand it, is not just that the best things in life are free or fucking whatever, but that the most meaningful ways you can spend your time do not necessarily involve deliberately optimizing your goddamn personal brand. you never need to be embarrassed about not spending enough time doing art, as if your status as an artist is paid for in any kind of labor that you can simply increase until the A in Artist becomes capitalized. to believe that would require a belief that everyone who is universally regarded as an Artist has simply worked hard enough. that's a myth and we know better. what horseshit! and as an adult i have also learned that periods of deep rest are often more enriching to me than periods of work. and even when i am employed up to my gills i am always cultivating the wise and endless spirit of a NEET. i am passionate about my art but i am also passionate about my life, and i welcome art in when it is actually viable and beneficial for me to do so. the only actual art-career-specific advice i will tell everyone though is: think bigger than fame as a protective suit (like, thinking that if you can just get a big enough audience you will be OK forever) and solo-written graphic novels (or whatever the "look what i did all by myself" equivalent is in your industry) and the fucking psychic wedgie that is relying on commissioned illustrations to survive.

there are grants that you can discover via many search engines that may allow you to fund the art career you actually want. do you want to teach? you get to teach. do you want to host reading nights? you can do that, too. i cannot tell you how much time i wasted trying to squeeze the things i was actually interested in into an "art career" shape that had little to nothing to do with what actually fed my life.

also: other artists are the greatest gift to all artists. your contribution to something is never diminished by another person's work. i think the best way to come back to this for myself as a cartoonist is to just initiate jam comic sessions (drawing panels back and forth to create one-page stories). little else brings me back down to earth as fast as passing a piece of paper back and forth with @tomb-of-madeline lol

i hope any kernel of this is helpful to you. i wish you the best on your journey, and i'd love to know what you end up making if we connect again anytime in the future.*

*there is no deadline to anything i have said here. you do not need to impress me ever and certainly not anytime soon.

oh and if you are a comics person i have a three-part lecture available to watch for free called experimental mini-comics for all! a lot of what i’ve said here is also there if only in spirit lol my attitude towards artmaking is fairly consistent in these regards

ezra

[a-goumang-ripoff]

Confusion, Uncertainty, and Bafflement: A Rant About Goumang

So I've decided to move on to my next rant and thought that I might as well get my namesake out of the way. Funny enough, Goumang is only my favorite sol because she is such a weird character to think about, none of the sols can get my voice nearly as loud in a rant as Goumang does. She confuses me to no end, and I think that confusion is the most interesting part of the entire game for me to think about. Also, her design is so fucking cool, I love Nine Sols' character designs so much but to literally make this cat person into a harpy via genetic modification and prosthetics is such a badass idea, I wish I thought of it myself tbh.

So, to start off this rant: Goumang's position within Nine Sols. She is intended to be the second boss you face in the game, though can be the third (which I heavily recommend, I hate that fight without air dash) and I believe can be the first boss, but I am unsure about that. She is an early-game threat which we learn quite a lot about in her area, and the game holds back nothing by this point giving her what I would argue to be the most disturbing and gruesome end in the entire game, which almost none of the other sols can compare to. I do believe her status as Eigong's other student was stated in her area, but it was something that was lost on me as I wasn't sure what the game meant, I assumed she was one of several and they just happened to be at odds. However there are little features around the game which really paints her to be Yi's rival.

Beyond being Eigong's other student, she also has a passionate hatred for Yi which is far more intense than any hatred the other sols have with one another, and Yi clearly shares this hatred with how he decides to end her, though he keeps himself level-headed in her presence otherwise it seems. She talks to us about the plan she had if she was chosen over Yi, the way she acts in the holograms at the end of the game is painfully antagonistic, and even that picture Eigong has by her eternal sanctum of the two of them together. It weirdly feels like the game is trying to build her up as Yi's rival, but we know Eigong is the true rival fight in the game, not to mention Goumang is dispatched within the first half of the game. I have to ask why the game pushes this so hard. I understand she is realistically physically weak and lacks combat prowess; as Jiequan says, she's just a farmer. But I think I would have preferred her place in the game to get moved up and to treat her more like Yi's rival. It doesn't feel unrealistic for her to learn the same martial arts Yi did at Eigong's recommendation; if anything, it makes more sense for Goumang to take up the idea granted her past.

Another thing which confuses me about Goumang is the mismatch between her backstory and her behavior in-game. Her backstory consists of her growing up seemingly poor in a place that is already in constant famine, then being implied to pull herself up by her bootstraps and become one of the most skilled biologists in Penglai. Her motivations are shown clear to us: she wants to end world hunger on Penglai and had the means to do it with New Kunlun's aid. The servants she has she shows to have actual compassion for (though the way she views them is very much as lesser beings which is not great) and, in the Nine Sols prequel comic, she is shown to be quite a kind person, giving a little girl food and a ride for a mistake that is hardly even hers. And yet everything we see beyond her memories shows her to not only be a jealous bitch who thinks herself better than everyone and seems to pamper herself at any opportunity, but also hold fascist/fascism-adjacent ideologies.

"Optoberries, apemen, even our fellow solarians... they all need greenhouses and incubators. Sacrificing a little freedom and yielding to your superiors is the path to a perfect society[...] The truth is, the weak fear the truth and cannot make choices for themselves."

I know that having a shitty past doesn't automatically make you not become a shitty person, but to hammer in the idea that she had an awful childhood filled with suffering and holds a variety of selfless aspects of her character only to make her act childish and needlessly bitchy just doesn't feel right, it feels like there's really something that we aren't being told. I would be happy to shrug it off as potentially seeing Yi as someone who doesn't deserve the position he got because he had much kinder beginnings than her, but between her childish behavior before the game's confrontation and the fact that she doesn't bring that up in her monologue (instead simply mentioning that she wanted to be chosen over Yi, making it jealousy rather than simple hatred) makes it just feel weird.

On a lighter point, it feels quite a bit odd that she is The Sex Character in the game, especially with how heavy they lean into that. Everything about her just feels sexual. I mean, firstly, she is the only solarian I've seen to wear literally no pants, and her legs tend to be blocking her crotch in a weirdly intentional way. Like, it'd be one thing to do that but have her not have anything between her legs, but it makes it way weirder that her crotch is being constantly blocked, it feels like it's trying to imply her pussy is just out there at all times (and no one cares, which makes it funnier). The two times you can actually see her crotch, there is shading which makes it way too harder to discern anything (yes, I looked, this was a traumatizing realization and I needed to confirm it fully). She also is clearly dominant in both an almost hierarchical sense and a sexual sense, you can literally make Yi call her out saying "you just dominate people for pleasure," and she won't even deny the pleasure part, just corrects Yi on the fact that she's "protecting" instead of dominating. How much more on the nose can you get?

Also, I'm not sure if this is just me or not but doesn't her 'death' scene have a really odd vibe about it? The fact that it's a mind control collar is bad enough, but the way Yi tilts her head up and the gasp from her that plays all makes it even weirder.

The echoes of "mama" from her servants make it only worse. Normally I'd think it's a funny coincidence that ignores sexual contexts around the word, but that quote about dominating people for pleasure makes it feel intentional. The whole thing just feels like a Guro scene and it really twisted my stomach when that got combined with my own issues over leg injuries (I can't believe there's TWO leg injury scenes in the game, not a fun time for me).

Though the weirdest part for me is that I feel like there's a much more prominent candidate for being The Sex Character, that being Nuwa. The drug club she runs genuinely feels a step away from being a sex palace, especially with all the pink imagery (and those dancers). The instrument she plays looks genuinely phallic and the way it's played, with her mouth against the tip, doesn't help. Yet I feel like they leaned away from it quite a bit compared to Goumang. Though, I suppose the incest stuff that surrounds Nuwa and Fuxi may have pushed them away from doing that. Lady Ethereal even seems to have a bit of that stuff going for her... okay I'm starting to realize most of the prominent women in this game have sexual stuff related to them.

Moving on from that startling realization, the last thing I want to talk about is some of the reasoning I've gathered on why a lot of these choices may have been made and how I think Goumang could be improved as a character. One of the major reasons why I think there's such a mismatch in backstory and personality is that I believe they started to write her character and backstory, but then determined how they wanted to use her afterwards. Her fascist ideas and the literal slaves she owns makes her especially gruesome death feel like a jab towards fascist governments and more than likely directed towards the Chinese government (see my previous rant for more context on this). Another reason that mismatch might be present, potentially in combination with the previous one, is that RedCandleGames may have realized that she was being made too good of a person to be one of the sols that are killed, so a sudden shift occurred to make her seem just as crazy and evil as the rest of the sols are.

As for her odd implications of being Yi's rival? My main theory is that it was unintentional, obviously Yi's mentor should be his actual rival, Goumang may have just been placed as her other student to give more reason for her gruesome death or as another way to put her in a more evil position, and then an unintentional rival dynamic was built from that. It also possible she may have just be intended to be a rival fight or have more presence than she does (though, the sols seem to all have a pretty equivalent presence overall). But this is just speculation pretty much.

I think there's quite a few ways to improve her character. For one, I think she could be leaned over towards a less evil standing. I feel as though Yi could have started the game off a lot more evil than he did, it feels like a major portion of his character growth occurs with his time in peach blossom village before the game starts, we don't really get to see him go from hating humans to wanting to protect them, it's an implied shift. I'll likely touch more in depth on this when I rant about Yi, but if he were to be placed in a more evil position, he would have better reason for deciding Goumang is worth killing if she is put in a better standing. Alternatively, go a little more in depth on her backstory, it feels like it's only one step away from being fully believable, if they showed us something which actively made her change ideologies or gain new ones that orient her where she is in the game, I wouldn't feel that mismatch would be as strong as it is.

Overall, I find Goumang's writing to be quite shallow, her personality in-game doesn't feel like anything unique, it feels like a character I've seen several times in the media I've consumed (ignoring the whole fascist thing). If her backstory and personality weren't so mismatched, I believe her writing would have a lot more depth to it and I would feel much less confused about her. I also feel as though she could have been utilized very well as a rival to Yi, though that is a much farther-reaching concept than the changes I've suggested for her writing.

I'll be honest I didn't think I'd talk for 3 paragraphs purely about sex, I was intending to leave it at one but it's just so weird to me that she's used that way. Not that I'm complaining, check my blog's title. More than likely I'll post a follow-up rant on this one which is more about a lot of my less serious thoughts on her, ideas I have of remaking her character and such, just fanon/headcanon bullshit.

[bronze-and-silver-keys]

This is Shadow Mac and Cheese anon once more. I've hit a bit of a snag when it comes to Sonia's execution. Basically everyone else was easy to plan out, but I've only got like two or three things about her and I'm struggling to mesh them together cohesively into something properly dramatic. Looking things up hasn't provided me with anything new either. I feel like relying on her being a princess would be the easiest way to go about it, but for the others I've been actively not focusing on their talents in favor of personal shortcomings. I could exploit her relationship with gundham, but I already did something similar in a different execution. Any suggestions?

Hmm that's quite the conundrum, Shadow Mac and Cheese Anon. Let me think.

Spoilers for SDR2

Looking through her wiki, there's not a whole lot in her past that you could exploit for a despairing execution.

She didn't have any friends when she was younger because of her status, so being a Hope’s Peak student was her first chance at that. Over the course of the killing game (which is the only interaction with the others she would remember in that scenario) she became most attached to Gundham and was trusted with the Devas' care after his death.

Something I point out in one of my ghost au posts that's in my drafts is that she has a reason to feel guilty/responsible for at least some part of the murders that happen from chapters 2-5:

When in the library with Hajime and Peko, she excitedly talks about her interest in serial killers, specifically Sparkling Justice. This then gives the idea to Peko of exploiting this serial killer's existence to get herself voted as the blackened and save Fuyuhiko (which ultimately fails). Even Peko just knowing about Sparkling Justice and using it in the murder plan, Sonia would feel partially responsible, even if she just wanted to share her interests with people that she wanted to be friends with.

Sonia told Hiyoko there was a mirror in the music venue that she could use to tie her kimono sash in, and this ultimately led to Hiyoko's death. A case of wrong place, wrong time that wouldn't have happened if Sonia didn't tell her about the mirror. Sonia could definitely feel like she led Hiyoko to her death.

She wouldn't exactly feel responsible for Nekomaru's death, but probably for Gundham's actions. They became even closer during chapter 4, and that friendship motivated him further to get everyone out of the funhouse, even at the cost of his own life. I think that if he wasn't as close with Sonia as he was in that chapter, he wouldn't have committed a murder. (That's my interpretation at least) She could feel like her efforts to get closer to him drove him to sacrifice Nekomaru and himself for all of them.

And finally with Nagito's death, she wasn't present the whole time, but she did know that the bombs Nagito planted were fake. This information ultimately led to Chiaki being outed as the traitor and being executed as the blackened. Maybe if she shared that the bombs were fake earlier, then Nagito and Chiaki’s deaths wouldn't have happened?

Overall, it seems her efforts to make friends with her classmates could make her feel like she was partly responsible for what happened. She just wanted to share her interests with Peko. She just wanted to help Hiyoko and provide her some comfort and independence. She just wanted to be friends with Gundham. She wanted to do her part in trying to find the bombs, but sat on information that might have stopped the deaths of two of her classmates.

Putting that into an execution is tricky.

You could go with a classic queenly execution. Beheading in front of a crowd. Burning at the stake (though that's more for a witch, maybe a traitor? She could view herself as a traitor because of everything) but Celeste already used that.

It does list in her wiki that her relationship with Gundham really strengthens after the remaining students ride the roller coaster. You could go with something that utilizes the roller coaster, the true beginning of her friendship with the person she felt closest to being the catalyst of her death. The roller coaster could get stuck in a loop, hanging her upside down and sending blood rushing to her head, which is agonizing. It does seem out of place for a princess, but it plays into her guilt.

There could be a mechanism on the roller coaster that she has to catch just in time to make it stop, but she keeps missing and missing, being forced through the track over and over, getting stuck upside down in that loop over and over again. There could be standins for everyone that died in the coaster car with her, and they fall out in the same order they died and crash to the ground every loop that happens. Byakuya and Teruteru are the first to go. By the time the second loop starts, she realizes what's happening, and tries to stop it. And fails. Mahiru and Peko fall. She tries again. Ibuki, Hiyoko, and Mikan fall. She tries again. Nekomaru and Gundham fall. She begins getting desperate and distressed with more and more blood rushing to her head, leaving her disoriented. She tries again. Nagito and Chiaki fall out. She tries one more time, about to pass out and struggling harder than before, but the car gets stuck upside down until she finally falls out and dies from the impact.

Whoa. Sonia analysis moment.

[scorching-earth]

the only thing that gave me interest. pt.2

Buddy’s eyes fluttered open. She one hundred percent expected to be on the cold hard floor of the room her mother put her in. yet the moment she woke up the ceiling was wood. “So it wasn't a dream…” Buddy said, she started to sit up slowly. Looking over at the walkie talkie Buddy grabbed it. ‘This will let me talk to Yuu.’ Buddy put the device to the side of her face. Pressing the button Buddy inhaled. 

Yuu’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Ace. “say that again.” Yuu asked with a very pissed expression. “I said you're a sucker, magicless, and a janitor! Your life must suck and now you're taking care of the dead weight student. who mined you isn't in any dorm since they never had the mirror look at them. Like what do you even bother at this point.” Ace said nonchalantly. Grim the cat who had made a ruckus not only in the Ramshackle Dorm but also at the entrance ceremony was now staining beside Yuu. “I’ll give you one more chance to take back what you said bastard. You can insult me all you want but you're not allowed to insult my patient.” Yuu said, taking a few steps towards Ace, Yuu towered over Ace. Yuu’s hands were in his pockets. “What do you mean, oh you mean the person who was in that crappy coffin. You know, I heard a rumor that the coffins you arrive in represent your personality. That must mean they have a shitty personality, just like the fur ball over there.” Ace said with a smug look on his face. Yuu had enough, he gave that asshole enough chances. Winding up a punch, Yuu was ready to rip this Ace a new one. That was until the walkie talkie alerted him to Buddy trying to talk with him. Yuu immediately changed his stance looking away from Ace Yuu took the walkie talkie from his pocket. 

“Meah how dare you insult me like that, that coffin wouldn't even touch my magnificence.” Grim said mad, Yuu ignored the insult all for the sake of Buddy. Putting the device to his ear he pressed the receiver button. “Yuu?” Buddy’s voice was a lot more static, and she sounded tired. Yuu was relieved though. “Buddy hay! Are you ok?” Yuu asked, worried. “You're real… I’m still here in this dream… it’s so good to hear you.” Buddy said with a sob. “Hey, it’s ok I’m helping you ok? Has Crowley come by?” Yuu asked. “Yah just before I started talking to you. He came in with paperwork. I've deduced that the money here has the same monetary value as yen. While I don’t use yen very much, I can still make plans for the school. Budgeting may be an issue since I don't know what half of these classes are” Buddy said in a slightly strained voice. “Oh that's good, is there anything else you need? Are you in good health?” Yuu asked. “Yah, I think I’ll be just fine… well uh talk to you soon?” Buddy said it was reassuring to hear from her. “Yah I have something to deal with as well… bye.” Yuu bid adieu. Yuu turned off the walkie talkie. Yuu turned to meet Ace’s face only for Ace to look horrified. “Bastard. You’ll pay for what you said.” Yuu said, grabbing Ace by his collar. “Yuu!” Crowley raced towards the teen and pulled Yuu off Ace. “What is wrong with you Yuu?!” Crowley asked in a very frustrated tone. “That bastard insulted Buddy!” Yuu yelled. “Who- who are you talking about?” Ace asked. “That “dead weight” is Buddy.” Yuu said, kicking towards Ace. “Yuu calm down, you're letting anger get the better of you.” Crowley said. Ace was relieved that Crowley was holding Yuu, because Ace would never forget the Expression Yuu gave him. Pure unfiltered rage, talking to this Buddy person made Yuu even more mad at Ace.

Crowley was told by a student about what happened. Yuu nearly punched Ace that was until Buddy called him. The problem was Grim then took over and tried to burn Ace. Ace had used his wind magic to redirect the fire. Unfortunately Ace burned the statue of the Queen of hearts. Crowley had just about enough. “All three of you will clean a hundred widows. Yuu you threatened one of the students, Grim you attacked one of the students, Ace you destroyed school property. These grave offenses will be absolved once you three clean the windows.” Crowley said letting go of Yuu, who had by now calmed down. “... you're not off the hook.” Yuu said, giving Ace a side eye. That side eye gave Ace chills. 

Buddy sighed as Crowley left. Buddy looked out the window. She fell out of her bed, Scrambling to the window Buddy’s eyes widened. “The sky is clear. Just like dad said.” Buddy spoke out loud. “Shouldn't you be resting?” someone asked Buddy. Buddy turned to meet the other person’s gaze. “Ah! Um, who are you?” Buddy asked. “Ah, where are my manners? I’m Cater Diamond.” Cater said. “Un Buddy. I’m Buddy.” Buddy said, rubbing the behind her head. “You should probably lay back down. you can look out the window all you want when you get better dear.” Cater said with a wink. “Oh uh… yah. I still have a bit more work to do.” Buddy said, pulling the covers on her legs. “Soooo… Whatcha doing?” Cater asked. “Ah! You haven't left?” Buddy asked. “Should I have?” Cater asked. “Probably, besides all I’m doing is accounting.” Buddy replyed "really the first day is for first years to understand the school. So to a third year like me can just do as I please." Cater explained. "Ah I see, unfortunately I don't know if I can go to this school. I don't remember having any level of magic before so I'll probably stay as the school's accountant for a bit." Buddy explained. A nod of silence passed before it was broken. "Ah so um you think your like that Yuu guy?" Cater asked. "Most likely, but I don't even want to go back. The sky is clear and the grass is green. It's even more beautiful then my father told me." Buddy said. "So uh do you have any other skills?" Cater asked, whatever Buddy was saying it probably had some sort of meaning behind it. Some sort of depressing meaning. "Oh I'm pretty good at tarot reading. If you want I can do a reading for you." Buddy said taking two deacks of cards out of there bag.

Buddy shuffled the cards together. "Now I need you to shuffle the cards. These cost me a fortune so please be careful with them." Buddy said handing over the cards. "Oh uh… why do I have to shuffle them though didn't you just shuffle them?" Cater asked. "I'm doing a reading for you. Call it personal touch you can even shuffle the cards you want to see. It's all your choice." Buddy said with a soft smile. "Ah ok I understand now." Cater said. He decided to do a flashy shuffle one that let him show off this skills. "Impressive. Ok now I need you to set the deck down and set one card above three others. Make sure there face down don't want to ruin any surprise." Buddy said instructing Cater on where to put the cards. "Like this? Cater asked. "Exactly like that. Ok I'll flip the one above the three cards here. This card represents you." Buddy said flipping the top card to reveal the four of pentacles. "Well this is an interesting card to pull." Buddy looked up to see Cater's expression. "Hm do you know anything about tarot cards?" Asked Buddy. Cater just looked away. "Playing cards are based off these cards you know." Buddy said placing a finger on the four of pentacles. "This card is the four of diamonds." Buddy said catching Cater's surprise. "If I'm reading this right you highly connected to the playing card the four of diamonds. This card represents financial security. Your family works in money." Buddy said as Cater's expression became that of bewilderment. "How did you know all that?" Cater asked. "The card told me." Buddy said like it was a fact. "I'm getting kind of nervous. So what exactly are the other cards meant to be?" Cater asked. Buddy flipped the first of the four cards. "The fool represents the beginning of something this is your past. Since school has just started up again your probably a bit stressed. I totally understand if you need to take time off, and relax since your now a third year people will probably look to your guidance. that's probably going to be a new feeling for you to deal with." Buddy said with pinpoint accuracy. "Ok you have to be doing something. There is no way you would know that." Cater said nervous.

"All I'm doing is reading the card. It tells me everything I need to know." Buddy said. Flipping over the next card. Buddy's expression dropped seeing it. The tower. "... This is your present what's going on now. Your going through a lot of turmoil and your views are being challenged. Something is destroying your life so to speak, or is it someone." Buddy asked. Cater's expression wasn't a happy one. "Someone is making a mess of what you believe in. There destroying what you worked so hard to build." Buddy finished, Buddy's hand hovered over the last card. "Hay before you flip the last card over tell me what spell your using." Cater asked. His expression was dead serious. Looking at Cater Buddy smiled. "I'll tell you after these events transpire, ok?" Buddy said flipping over the last card. The Knight of cups. "There's no need to worry. Someone will help you, so to speak a white knight will come and save you. Whoever is destroying your life will be stoped by maybe a close friend." Buddy said with a smile. "... Your telling me that I'm going need to be saved #lame." Cater said with a sigh. Buddy looked shocked at the use of hashtags. "Well if you don't like it change it. These aren't set in stone and you can always take charge if you don't want to be saved." Buddy said leaning back in the nurse bed. "I really do what to know what spell you used." Cater asked. 

"It's just outsider perspective. All I did was read the cards and tell you what they told me." Buddy said taking the cards form the reading and put them away. "I'll figure out what spell you used. When I find it I'll do a reading for you." Cater said. "Sure thing. I'll be waiting till then." Buddy said as Cater left the room. "he'll probably forget about this. Everyone dose." Buddy said taking a cigarette form the pack in her bag. She put one in her mouth, and lit it. "... All I did was look at the card and then look how you reacted. That Diamond on your face didn't help either. It's like you never even thought that I wasn't using magic." Buddy said with a sigh. Throwing the rest of the pack back in the bag. Exhaling Buddy looked out the window once more. "It really is beautiful." Buddy mudders. As minutes passed and Buddy fished work quickly. Having used the cigarette up Buddy panicked for a second on where to snuff it out. using the underside of the side table then dropping it behind the bed she felt a lot better after the smoke. Yet now she was left with nothing to do. Leaning back Buddy looked at the walkie talkie. Pressing the button on the device she waited, Nothing no pick up. Buddy wanted to cry Yuu had been so nice to her why wouldn't he pick up now? 

After several failed attempts at trying to call Yuu. Buddy was about to reach for another cigarette, but was interrupted by Crowley. "I've come to pick up the paperwork you filled out." Crowley said. "Uh um right here." Buddy headed over the small stack of papers over to Crowley. Crowley looked at the papers for a moment before looking back at Buddy. "These are very detailed. I'm shocked how much you were able to get done in such a short time." Crowley said. "I'm smart that's all." Buddy said bluntly. "Well you rest up now. We can't have your wounds getting worse." Crowley said. "Yuu wouldn't pick up my calls. Do you know why?" Buddy asked. Crowley's face became grim. "No he should have had it on at all times since he's just doing some janitorial work. I'll go check it out." Crowley said. "Please do I'm going to get some sleep now ok?" Buddy said, pulling the covers over her body. 

Crowley quickly walked out of the infirmary. Even though Yuu probably fished cleaning the windows but checking the cafeteria would be a good place to start. In Front of the doors to the cafeteria Crowley heard something "If the head mage finds out." Crowley quickly opened the doors to the cafeteria. "If I found out what?" Crowley said. The three students look like they have just been caught red handed. But Crowley was more concerned about the now broken Chandler. "What did you three do!" Crowley yelled. "Uh I'm so sorry headmage I'll pay for the damage." One deuce spade said. "With what money it took a billion madol to make it and it will take just as much to fix it!" Crowley said. "All four of you will be expelled!" The headmaster yelled. "Uh but I'm not a-" Yuu was cut off. "Quite Yuu did I not say that those walkie talkies were given so that Buddy could contact you whenever they needed something! Yet for some reason every time they tried to contact you, but you never picked up." Crowley said his hands on his hips. Yuu looked down in shame. “I… have no excuses. I turned it off so it wouldn't bother me.” Yuu said, biting his lip. “I’m sorely disappointed in you.” Crowley said his eyebrows furrowed. “Well. I’ll have to expel… you two your Ace Trapola. You with the dark hair. State your name.”Crowley demanded. The boy with dark hair looked down. “Deuce spade.” Deuce said. Crowley thought for a moment. “I will expel you both Yuu. while your services to the school have helped one of our students. I will have you leave the premises. you are no longer in employment.” Crowley said in a serious voice. Yuu fell to his knees. “God dammit... Crowley, plese, I’m begging you. Tell me how I can stay.” Yuu said his head to the floor. Ace, Deuce, and Grim looked shocked as Yuu was prostrated at Crowley’s feet. “Ah! What- what are you doing Yuu!” Crowley said, taking a step back. “Please I’ll do anything to keep taking care of Buddy until they make a full recovery. I’ll leave after their batter. Dammit man I’ll do anything.” Yuu said as tears streamed down his face. “Dude… uh yah headmage we want to stay.” Deuce said, looking a little nervous. Crowley looked at Yuu distressed. “Stand up Yuu. I’ll give you one chance to rectify this wrong. Get me a magestone. That was the most expensive part of the chandler. And with the budget Mx Buddy gave me there is enough for the reapers if we exclude the mage crystal.” Crowley said looking as Yuu got up. “Where can we find one?” Yuu asked. “Erp… man Yuu bounced back quickly.” Ace said. “Well I’ll give you till next morning. You can find a magestone at the dwarf mine, use the dark mirror to get there. I will not wait a minute sooner.” Crowley said walking out of the cafeteria.

[ambarthecancer]

Notes on being 30

I’m turning 31 in a week, I’m excited, I love my birthday and I love growth and change. Before my birthday I like to reflect about the year I’m leaving behind in hopes of entering the new year with perspective. It has been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least,a lot of good came in too and I’m learning from my mistakes, recovering from the pain and grateful for everything else.

Here are some thoughts, notes and humble advice on being 30:

I often tell my younger friends “make sure you get to your 30s with savings if you can”. I give this advice not in a “finance bro” type of way but in a “have money that can buy you some freedom” type of way. Freedom can be getting psychological/psychiatric help, a solo trip abroad, swimming classes, a year off work, whatever freedom is to you, save for it.

In my case, I landed here with no money, but since the universe works in perfect mysterious ways, I got fired from work and with the severance money, I bought myself 3 months off. I paid my credit card, I paid my student loan 3 months in advance, I started going both to the therapist and the psychiatrist to get the help I so desperately needed. It was the biggest blessing since I’ve been burnt out from work and life since summer 2022 and allowing myself time off without worrying about my live-hood was just exactly what I needed.

“Your new life will cost you your old one”

On a karmic level, your past comes creeping at you, all the lessons get back to check if you finally learned. I repeated a lesson from a decade ago. This time it took me less time to remove myself from the equation, even though it was even more heartbreaking than the first time. I learned my lesson the hardest way possible, it cost me blood and tears, but I did and for that I’m grateful. Life keeps showing us the same lessons until we learn, and it is important we do so or else we suffer.

On a lighter note, personally I feel very authentic at 30, I carry myself and all my past versions with honor and respect. Almost everyday I think teenage me would absolutely adore me, I’ve become the woman 12-17 years old me wanted to be. The greatest gift is that I like myself a lot, I like my own company, my sense of humor, my integrity, I like myself and the woman I’m constantly becoming plus I feel way cooler and more interesting than I did at 20.

I still have many fears but they are different now, I'm in less of a rush with everything, I started enjoying things more. I kind of understand why my mom made me say hi to people that met me as a baby. Life is about little moments, sharing with others and acts of kindness.

5 years ago I also realized something that has helped me navigate life and my 30s since: the most interesting thing about people isn't their job, their socioeconomic status, the money in their bank account, but the person they are and how genuine and kind they are. So I focus on that on being a better version of me.

Life is a journey to self and awareness, carry yourself with grace, be kind and fair, I wont say nice, but fair, because nice doesn’t really get you anywhere.

Anyhow, I’m alive so my life is in constant progress until the day I die. I'm not fully healed, I’m not fully aware, I’m not fully there, I’m just living. I have insecurities issues, self worth issues, I hold grudges, I’m bitchy and mean, I say hurtful things, I’m not a guru or guide of anything, I’m just a girl a few years older that wanted to share all of this.

30 is not an ending, it is a beginning and it is actually the right time to start over. Do not be afraid. Welcome life and every year on this beautiful earth with grace and try your hardest to find some joy in all of the small things.

[cadybear420]

Some people have different takes. Not on everything. But on some. So some of what you may deem as “problematic” may not be problematic to someone else. Or the way you interpret something may not have be the same experience for someone else. It’s like with QB: some people deemed Ian/Ina and MCs relationship problematic. Others didn’t. I played TCH and I in no way felt like Kieran “abused” MC at all and know others who don’t feel that way either. If people made certain choices that made their playthrough different, that was their experience. In my playthrough and experience, that didn’t happen. You can’t tell people they’re ignoring something problematic just because you feel that it is. And that’s where a lot of the issues arise here is when people try to force their opinion and line of thinking on others, and it happens on both sides. Again, everyone experiences and interprets things differently, especially when it comes to fictional stories and their characters.

Some people have different takes. Not on everything. But on some. So some of what you may deem as “problematic” may not be problematic to someone else. Or the way you interpret something may not have be the same experience for someone else.

True, but here's the thing. As I said in my previous post, people are entitled to their opinions. I am a firm believer in having different opinions and interpretations of media.

For example, some people see Ajay from HSS:CA as an irredeemable, rude, and unsympathetic character. Others (myself included) see him as a character who is fleshed out, has demonstrated character growth, and is kind of a victim of lazy writing. I don't agree at all with the people who see him in a negative light, but that's their opinion and experience. Even though I think he's "objectively" an okay person as a character, I can understand why many others would dislike him.

But there also comes a point where you go from just having a different opinion or experience to just straight up getting stuff wrong. For example...

It’s like with QB: some people deemed Ian/Ina and MCs relationship problematic. Others didn’t.

It's a student-teacher relationship. I'd say that still counts as objectively problematic. Even though there may not have been any outwardly predatory behaviors or abuse with it, it's still problematic to a degree because of the inherent status and power imbalance that comes with it.

If MC and Kingsley's relationship were a real life situation? If they were a real life student-professor relationship? It would be 100% problematic and would not fly at all. Anyone who tried defending it would get (rightfully) derided.

But as we all know, MC and Kingsley are fictional characters. We can enjoy such a relationship in fiction because, well, they're all clumps of pixels and no real people are directly getting harmed. It's a silly fictional fantasy.

But regardless of whether or not we enjoy the fantasy, we can understand that such a relationship would be completely inappropriate IRL.

I played TCH and I in no way felt like Kieran “abused” MC at all and know others who don’t feel that way either. If people made certain choices that made their playthrough different, that was their experience. In my playthrough and experience, that didn’t happen.

To be fair, the physical abuse scene is a determinant scene. It only happens in one premium scene in Chapter 2, and only if you choose an option that is marked as being more "kinky". In that scene, Kieran basically shoves MC's face onto the ground. I myself did not take that diamond scene, but I do know of its existence, so that's why I bring it up.

Needless to say, we all know it's not okay IRL. Physical abuse from a supposed love interest is objectively problematic. Some of us may not mind it so much in a fictional story, but we all know if it were an IRL relationship, it would be 100% not okay whatsoever.

And even if we pretend that the physical abuse aspect doesn't happen at all in the story no matter what (since it is a determinant scene)... Kieran still kidnaps and enslaves the MC- this is a set part of the story that is not determinant. And needless to say, this is also something that is an objectively abusive behavior that wouldn't be okay at all IRL.

Some may personally not have a problem with Kieran's behaviors themselves, or even personally enjoy it (fictional darkfic fantasy after all), and that's okay! That's their personal opinion and experience. But no one in their right mind would be saying that Kieran's behaviors are okay or unproblematic.

And that's not even getting into PB's piss-poor handling of how they incorporated these themes into the story, what with their poor content warnings. Stuff like kidnapping and physical abuse can be outright triggering for many players. I myself may not have felt uncomfortable with it, but many other players might. Usually because abuse and kidnapping are things that can happen in real life and would have real harmful consequences on those who experience it- hence why it's objectively problematic behavior.

And once again, keep in mind that I'm saying all of this as someone who did enjoy TCH. I liked the story, but I know that Kieran's behavior is objectively problematic and would not be okay IRL.

You can’t tell people they’re ignoring something problematic just because you feel that it is. And that’s where a lot of the issues arise here is when people try to force their opinion and line of thinking on others, and it happens on both sides. Again, everyone experiences and interprets things differently, especially when it comes to fictional stories and their characters.

Except this isn't a matter of "me" thinking the behaviors are problematic, or anyone "thinking" the behaviors are problematic. A lot of the behaviors portrayed from LIs like Kieran, Reagan, Bastien, etc. are objectively problematic.

Kieran did kidnap the MC. Bastien did kidnap the MC. Reagan did text MC BSDM-charged messages barely an hour after their first meeting. All of these are things that did happen and all of them are objectively problematic behaviors.

And if you still enjoy these LIs? If you enjoy reading about their toxic behaviors? Guess what? That's okay! And you shouldn't have to push these stories as unproblematic just to justify your enjoyment of them. Just go ahead and enjoy them. I don't care. It's your taste. As long as we understand that a lot of their behaviors are objectively problematic and that PB handles it horribly.

[thesirencult]

The post was inspired by the plenty videos I see circling online, of people who are preaching a certain narrative to the young kids. "You don't need a degree." "Good students end up working for bad students." "Book smart doesn't equal street smart or business savvy." Even though I agree that you don't need a degree to be successful or make money, it occured to me that wealthy people who do not have degrees, as they started their businesses early on, send their kids to school. So, the goal of that post was not to talk about the rich kids and their wealthy parents but to remind young people from low to middle class families that successful people do not always practice what they preach and that formal education and trying to be a "good student" shouldn't be looked down upon. Plenty of good students end up making lots of money and building/running businesses. Even if they don't make it this far, they find nice jobs.

When we are talking about rich or wealthy people we are not only talking about people with $100 million in the bank or billionaires. We are also talking about high earners or wealthy business owners who could make high six figures each year and more.

Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos do not have to send their kids to school. Harvard would love a "Bezos" to attend Harvard Business School. Why? Well, imagine the son/daughter of the legend of commerce choosing your school to study at. So, "generational wealth" at this level (or an even lower level) means that someone doesn't even have to show a college degree. All they need is their name. People with this kind of wealth do not have to send their kids to college to network with other rich kids. They have been running around in those circles since the day they were born.

Second of all, I'm European. In Europe we have affordable and in some countries, free undergraduate programs. Lots of rich kids attend those universities and do not attend colleges that require payment. I have an acquaintance with lots of money. His parents sent him to a prestigious college to get a degree in Business Administration. He never got the degree. Now, his brother is running the business and he is the side man. Their parents are not happy about him dropping out because : a) He showed lack of discipline. b) He wasted their resources.

In the States degrees have "prestige" because you pay for them. People equal money to status. But what about Europe? People think of status not just as wealth but also education and character. I bet that's how people who are doing good for themselves think about formal education.

This is why rich kids learn how to play sports. It teaches them things. It's not just about networking or getting a medal. If someone has a network due to daddy's money but they get drunk and embarrass daddy on a dinner with one of the "connections" their social credit diminishes.

I agree with you. Wealthy people know that you can learn anything you want from the comfort of your own home, yet they keep choosing the best teachers and the best universities and the best coaches.

Poor and middle class people can also use school as a vehicle to a higher status or for better employment opportunities.

I used to work at a luxurious hotel as a server. An older gentleman who owned a cement production plant asked me if I'm attending university and was interested in my studies. He made it known that his son also studied philosophy for his undergraduate degree.

We started talking during my shifts and he told me how he experienced the "dot com bubble". I told him "I'm studying trading right now and I'm using *specific app*". He then proceeded to ask me to repeat the name cause he wanted to send a message to his kid so he could learn about trading stocks and commodities.

Of course rich people use the internet to learn things. It's very efficient.

Someone could make great desserts and get all their recipes and techniques online, that doesn't make them a pastry chef though. I trade stocks and doing pretty well, that doesn't mean Goldman Sachs would choose me over someone who trades stocks 80% as well as me AND has a degree in economics.

We have to stop overlooking the power of formal education. Even at grade school, good teachers teach you how to be disciplined. You learn what's the best way you can study a specific topic. They teach you manners. You get to give presentations. You learn a little bit about history and a little bit about math. You then have to choose to use critical thinking and venture off on your own.

Imagine! On top of that schools and universities also give you a precious "piece of paper" for social credit.

When shit hits the fan, everyone will turn to the lawyer or the accountant to fix things and I'm sure they are going to look for one with a degree 😉.

There is a reason most CEOs are engineers. Transferrable skills. They've learned how to solve problems efficiently. They are logical, practical and methodical in their process.

School and university can give you great foundations that you can build upon. Doesn't matter if you are rich or poor.

In the age where kids are bombarded with the message "school is useless" and "you don't need a degree" I just wanted to offer a different perspective and encourage young people who want to get a specific degree to pursue it. There are lots of affordable online undergraduate programs too.

Thank you for adding important points to the conversations and opening up again this dialogue on such an important subject 💕

EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT

If a degree is a "piece of paper" and rich people don't need that, why do they send their kids to the most expensive schools and universities?

They could network at the country club, why at university?

Because education IS important. That's what they don't want you to know.

Education is freedom.

[ursbearhug]

THAT ONE MOTHERFUCKING TIME I *DON'T* NEED TO GO INTO THE OFFICE NUMBER 7 THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING QUEUE TO IT! Are you FUCKING kidding me?

Also I want to somehow ramble about that stupid clown class we have, for some godsforsaken reason, on classical studies of all places; social campaigns.

To pass the class we have to prepare an entire campaign, down to a t, with all the stupid ass details, like cost, where, when, what form et cetera. So in the fit of rage, since this class is blatant and outrageous waste of my time and braincells, I made almost finished plan (without the cringe details, because literally nobody gives a shit) about teaching boys how to sew. This alluding to this one tweet where a guy jokes about girls learning how to do make up rather than cook - since he can't or won't eat foundation - and getting clapped by a girlie wishing death upon mankind when they die out of starvation because they refuse to use their own two hands to prepare their own meal. Though the focus was on boys mainly, I wouldn't turn down other interested. As this thing is also a group project that part of it has been lost in the translation.

I personally think her social justice warrior brain would overheat, combust and explode if I as much as suggest that men are fucking stupid and treated like children, no matter their age, status or occupation; and should not be spoonfed and treated extra nicely till the heat death of the universe. Sitting through most if not all of her lectures truly feels like Virtue Signaling up to whazoo. I don't know. I don't feel the need to brag about how good of a person I am if it brings nothing to the conversation. I fail to see these as example either, since example is meant to show correlation or similarity between situations.

But she also called this project 'repetetive' because somebody else in other group had similar one. Okay, and? Ever heard about panantropolic ideas? And even if, I was on this turf first because these kids are 18. So if somebody's supposed to adapt to others, then it's not going to be me. I will be cringe boomer in this case. And also also literally who the fuck cares? I'm trying to pass this class in as little effort and as quickly as humanly possible. Miss me with your originality complex, I'm classical student, I've never heard of it. Take your cringe ass romantic (the period, not the quality) ideas out of my face, you fucking cringe normie.

Cringe ass subject for cringe people. You can't change my mind.

One hour update;

You'd think, or at least assume, that with how 'progressive' today's society is, talking to children wouldn't be such a forgein concept and "ugh so 2016". But it seems like talking to children is still as unattainable and unfathomable as it used to. Maybe instead of forcing your child off of the door frame and have them screem their lungs off in horror, sit down with them and talk about their feelings and fears. Hospital can be scary but doesn't have to be. Talk with them about the procedure. A lot of our fears are really blown out by unknowable and inexperience. For instance; needles don't hurt nearly as much as people make it out to hurt, but that doesn't make them painless either. Yes doing certain thing hurts or is really uncomfortable, but it can get worse untreated. Children are really smart and they can understand human speech, so maybe utilize it and talk with your kids about whatever and everything. Hospital visit really doesn't have to be nightmare fuel.

I don't know the time update:

I think more people, who are not cis men, could use some of the delusion and audacity of most generic white man. "Oh nobody would date me". Believe im yourself sweetcakes. There are like at least 10 alpha males for every shy beans like you, that never have and never will satisfy a woman, let alone be able to form normal, healthy and flourishing relationship with anybody. And also remember that endgame is either; crush your enemies, watch them tremble and hear the lamentations of their widows or having a family. It's pretty much the same.

I have finished my healing process. With the stamp and all. I guess I just have to learn to live with the massive scar it has left.

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

Light From Uncommon Stars, March

I have this sort of sense lately that the hardest point of practice, in any craft, is the strange twilight period shortly after you get your first teacher or mentor. It's really hard to reconcile the joy of being noticed for your skill and the subsequent clash of ideals. The way your two personalities battle one another, the way you attempt to hold onto your own spark and how the mentor must impart technique. It's why the best teachers are the ones who can put their ego aside. To avoid the temptation to make a stone statue of legacy and instead nurture a flower. That is, to bring out their student's best self.

This book really brings out a lot of personal feelings, pardon me.

This is why I like this month of chapters, though. It avoids the pitfall of a teacher honing their student into the perfect weapon and instead focuses on trying to get Katrina to bloom. But there's a hurdle, there's a key miscommunication so far where both violinists hear the same song, but they have to get through the barrier of language and preconception to get there.

Poor Lan is having nightmares. I wonder if this is her first time having to deal with them or if her species also has them. If she knows that this extended torment isn't natural and is a symptom of the pains she won't speak to anyone about. How could she? She's the captain. She's Mom. I see more of that thing, the inherent disconnect between Shizuka and Lan, that even though they comfort each other they also grate on the topic of music. Once again, Lan's world is too large for something as silly as sounds. And yet the thing that drew her to Shizuka in the first place was a voice. But for right now she's scrambling so hard to live that she hasn't listened to what's around her. Or Shizuka's order for Hainan chicken. Once again Lan has seemed to confuse perfection of form over personal taste without realizing. After all, why care about sounds from a wooden box when there's a-

I'm sorry is this thing she's fleeing called the Endplague?? That sounds... ominous.

Let's talk about Lucy Matía the luthier taking care of Katrina's violin. I never even knew there was a word for someone who works on stringed instruments, but it's a fun one. We did meet her last month, but we get the bulk of her now, this young woman who had to secret herself just to overhear gasps about violin-making. It's so interesting to hear about the little ways she's changing Katrina's violin. To put so much effort into what the music world would call a trinket. What another luthier already called junk. It's a microcosm of the story itself though, isn't it? Putting effort into something someone says is silly because it has meaning to you. I really love that about this story, an idea so close to my heart is represented in full here. And in these scenes, with Lucy making the violin the best one it can be, reading bits of Katrina in it and tuning everything to make her shine. All under the weight of a legacy that was denied to her because she happens to be a daughter and not a son.

Legacy. That thing that keeps the beloved traditions is also the thing that can stifle new passion. Exactly like mentorship when it's ill-used.

Speaking of that mentorship, by chapter's end Katrina as been brought in about Lan's secret and provided a studio for her passions. It seems Shizuka has figured out the first steps into making her blossom. So what if it's Youtube and game music when that's what speaks to her at the moment? As for the events that led up to this...

I do want to talk about this more in an aside. The scene of Katrina being caught while camming. Prescient once again, this one. I can appreciate Katrina picking out her viewers by username, the ones with Bible verses or likely cops, or any number of clues that they're probably someone who would, "beat her in a bathroom." Another distressingly common queer truth is that the same people who will jerk off to you each and every night are also the ones who despise your existence the most. Their lust is your sin to bear. It's why the scene of sex work is so similarly hard-hitting to me, I can feel the... anxious-yet-bored kind of danger from it. Peril glossed over as though it were an inconvenience because it's so common. And yet with that despite also comes some small satisfaction at being desired. That yes you are beautiful in at least one of the ways people can be. It's simultaneously an ego boost and a detriment, affirming and reductionist. I suppose in this sense, it really is like a one-night stand.

It's probably why I like Shizuka's advice on the matter. There are many ways to fuck on camera, or on a stage. The goal is to go beyond that one-night stand and become larger than life. It encapsulates a kind of feeling I would probably disservice by putting into other words, but the sense that you... are worthwhile enough, beautiful enough in so many ways that your passions are worth more than a handful of dollars and a few less tissues in the world. Worthy of being a lover instead of a fuck.

Again, probably a disservice to explain, please excuse me again. You can come back now if you skipped around a bit.

What I want to end on is this line, from Shizuka's perspective:

"It hurts to lose one's music. However, it is far worse to play a music that one can never share."

This is the line that hit me like a sack of bricks. It's what I've been feeling over this half-a-novel of mine I can never get right. I understand better than ever what Shizuka sees in Katrina, I'd kill for someone who could hear that same story that's rattling in my head. Who might have a different way to say it but could help me define what it is I need to move forward. If nothing else just to know I wasn't alone in hearing it.

This book's too personal already, shit.

[chaos-coming]

Ok ive decided i hate my job (not new) and i hate the dumbass students at my university (also not new. Entire campus chock full with blond dreadlocks and lederhosen), theres no grad student culture here and im too old to be hanging out with bachelor students who dont know anything (the central european university system is trash and also only 3 years) and have seen exactly their 100km of the world (plus or minus that one trip to se asia that umbued in them such insufferable arrogance) and whose definition of activism begins and ends with throwing a solidarity party (where the donations pay first for the cost of buying booze instead of actually going to a cause)...

But i digress (read: lost my train of thought partway through ranting about these provincial snobs). What im trying to say is besides hating my university and most of the idiots in it, i think im just done with the student scene in general like im sick and tired of being at the mercy of the exam schedule, and the peter pan never wanting to face the real world mentality of everybody there. I need to be surrounded by people looking forward not trying depserately to cling to a moment that may already have passed

[suiana]

Can we get a delinquent yandere fic?

I love your writing so so much, I can’t get enough of it!<3

sounds super interesting! btw I'll be doing headcanons instead of a fic because headcanons are more of my speciality 🥲 I'll try writing a fic soon though

✎ yandere! delinquent headcanons . . .

✎ warnings . . .

― violence, possessiveness etc.

(gn! reader x male yandere! oc)

✎ yandere! delinquent who absolutely hated your guts. fucking hell! why did you, the student council president, have to always interfere in whatever he's doing?! don't you have better things to do???

✎ yandere! delinquent who always has a scowl on his face when he comes to school. god damnit! why were you the one on duty checks almost every single day?? you keep making him tuck in his shirt and it looks fucking nerdy! you're such a pissy president, god!

✎ yandere! delinquent who always lands himself in detention because of his violent actions against you. but he didn't expect you to be so strong? how can you, a tiny and annoying president, block his slap??? he's so much bigger than you too??? how do you have so much strength in your body??? why does he find it sort of hot??? must be the hormones...

✎ yandere! delinquent who fell for you after you absolutely demolished him in a taekwondo match. what the fuck?! how the hell did you manage to win against him?? you even have a black belt??? that's so hot???

✎ yandere! delinquent who doesn't really hate you that much anymore. he starts treating you with more respect and a hint of gentleness. he still hates you but not like he used to. when I tell you, this delinquent absolutely LOVES people who are physically stronger than him

✎ yandere! delinquent who is always requesting for a rematch. like he would literally just barge into your class in the middle of a lesson to get you to fight him. and then he gets humbled. badly. it's a vicious cycle unfortunately. delinquent must be a masochist or something...

✎ yandere! delinquent who is always rejecting the idea that he fell for you. he just finds you interesting, that's all! he's a big tsundere.

✎ yandere! delinquent who, despite claiming he has no feelings for you, is always beating up people who are infatuated with you. why does he feel so much rage when someone other than him likes you? it's cause you like them dumbass!

✎ yandere! delinquent who tries to impress you by showing off new skills during your rematches. he thinks it'll win against you but he's horribly mistaken. like, hah! take that president- *gets pummeled down by someone way shorter than him*

✎ yandere! delinquent who now looks forward to school, his daily detention sessions and your frequent taekwondo rematches. god, you're so hot??? just fucking beat him up already???

✎ yandere! delinquent who always wants your attention on him at all times and uses his status as the school's troubled delinquent against you. like, hello??? he's causing, uh, trouble!! he never thought he would be this needy for someone he supposedly hates...

✎ yandere! delinquent who threatens everyone who tries or even thinks of hurting you. like, only he gets to do that to you! got that? though it's usually him that gets hurt but whatever.

✎ yandere! delinquent who is just so in love with you but totally rejects that idea. you're just his cool sparring partner...who's super hot...and sexy...wait, why's he thinking about you like this?!

✎ "oi president! I demand a rematch! right now!"

[writingseaslugs]

Diasomnia Romantic Headcanons

Writing Diasomnia was a struggle. I even read up to the first chapter of Book 6 and all their Vignettes and still had some trouble. I love them all, though. Also big shoutout to @treysimp for helping me with Sebek. They explained their thoughts on him, which helped me get the writing flow going. 

A quick heads up when it comes to Lilia’s last bullet point…this is a headcanon. It’s how I perceive the character going off what he says in-game. I go into a little more detail in my post about how I see the world, but ya. Just a heads up, I think Lilia can change his form, and the one he presents in the game isn’t indeed what he looks like.

Disclaimer: All characters in this series is aged up. For more information about my version of this world and the type of reader you can expect, please do a quick read of THIS post. Beta read by Grammarly and it’s trying its best.

Heartslabyul | Savanaclaw | Octavinelle | Scarabia | Pomefiore | Ignihyde | Diasomnia (You’re Here)

Romantic Headcanons

Malleus Draconia

Malleus is originally going to find you interesting in the fact that, unlike every human on campus, you hold no fear in your eyes when you first see him. To you, he was just another mysterious student on campus. You even gave him a nickname that, to most, might’ve been embarrassing, but to him, it just meant you didn’t know who he was. He can just talk to you freely, which is like a breath of fresh air for him…he almost doesn’t want you to find out who he really is at first, but that feeling would probably quickly leave him. If this child of man was afraid after hearing his real name, it isn’t worth his time.

Your nightly conversations outside of Ramshackle dorm are going to slowly evolve into walking around campus with Malleus under the cover of shadows. You never run into any students on these walks, and Malleus is more than happy to tell you about every single Gargoyle there is on campus during your walks. He even points out a statue or two that’s supposed to imitate the Gargoyles to create symmetry but doesn’t actually serve any purpose. You’re going to be finding out a lot about the school, but that’s fine. His voice is so soothing you could probably listen to it all day. You find it odd when he begins guiding you in a different direction on your walks, almost as if he’s trying to avoid someone.

Malleus is going to realize he has it down bad for you at the festival when you discover who he actually is, only to immediately continue calling him by that silly nickname you gave him. He’s more than happy to let you continue using it, don’t get him wrong; he finds it wonderful that your demeanor didn’t change. His feelings for you only begin to increase, especially when he forges a nightly visit, only to have you at the door of his dorm asking to see if he has time for an evening stroll. It was then that he realizes that this child of man is something else.

Malleus has an imposing aura surrounding him at all times, which wards off anything from trying to cause you any harm. You’re one of the most protected students at the school at this point. Of course, Lilia will also be watching over you from the corner of his eyes when he spots you in the hallways. Silver and Sebek will also be careful around you and stop anyone from trying to cause a ruckus. Nobody at the school knows why these three members of Diasomnia are now so protective over you since it’s not exactly common knowledge that you’re one of Malleus’s close friends.

Despite Malleus knowing he seems to like his child of man, he probably won’t be doing anything about it. Lilia had always spoken about fleeting crushes and how they develop, and this is what Malleus assumes it will be. A simple “crush” that he will soon get over and continue being friends with you. He’s mainly going to be thinking this way because he simply doesn’t know the first thing in courting a human or how they show their affection. To him, you’ve never once shown romantic interest, and he’d rather not push that on you if you weren’t interested. Lilia is the one that has to point out to Malleus that the human is very clearly interested in him and almost breaks out a power-point of all the times you’ve seemingly done something to flirt with him, only for him to think of it as a friendly human gesture.

Once he’s made aware of this fact, he’s going to begin courting you in a more fae-like manner, which can be very confusing for you. Once again, Lilia is going to have to jump in. It’s almost painful for the “old man” to watch this awkward flirting where neither party realizes what’s going on. Lilia will probably corner you and explain flirting with the fae, and once it clicks, it’s go time. The easiest way to let Malleus know you return the feelings is simple. Either flat out tell him or ask him to lean down closer so you can tell him something, then grab the lapels of his jacket and give him a kiss. It’s very clear in the message you’re sending.

Malleus is going to always have some form of physical contact going with you when you’re together. Normally it’s a single hand on you, on the small of your back, as he guides you places. Sometimes he requests your hand, or he lets you hook your arm around his as you two continue. When you’re sitting there, one hand might be on your thigh, mindlessly rubbing circles into it. He enjoys holding these small moments of contact with you, and feeling your warmth radiating gives him a sense of calm.

Since Malleus is normally never seen outside of classes, people don’t know you two are going out. Even if you mentioned dating Malleus, students would laugh in your face and call you a liar. Not like it really matters to you whether they believe you, but if they were going to laugh, then why ask if you were seeing someone? Everyone sings a whole new tune one day when you ask Malleus to walk you to class since you wanna see him more in school. He always holds his arm out like a gentleman for you to grab onto. Everyone in the hall is going to be staring in shock until Sebek begins shouting and biting their heads off while Silver tries to reel him in. Despite all that, it still makes for a pretty cute scene in your mind.

He is very much in love with giving you kisses all the time. Sometimes just quick pecks when he sees fit or a kiss on the hand or forehead. His favorite is bending down and tilting your chin to meet his own. Leaning over for a kiss and barely brushing your lips before standing back to his full height. Nobody is taller than Malleus (and if you are, praise be). So there’s a good chance if he teases you with a kiss and then stands up, you’d have to climb that man like a tree to get a proper smooch for him. If you actually attempt that, he’ll be laughing at you before helping support your weight as he picks you up and smothers you in kisses.

He’s very much into physical touch, so cuddling is going to be something to get used to. He might bring one of his special pillows and keep it over at Ramshackle for his horns. Either way, he’ll be pulling you against him, either spooning you, letting you spoon him, or his personal favorite, laying on his back with you pulled on top of him, your head resting on his chest. His chin will be right on your head while he holds you and talks about his day, or he partakes in his favorite activity, which is listening to whatever crazy shenanigans you’ve been up to. He’ll do this until you’re asleep on him and just spend the night. He knows Lilia will deal with his overprotective bodyguards.

Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia was intrigued by you at first. This little human is now taking residency in the old abandoned building with no magic and a monster as their only friend. Not to mention how easy it was for him to scare you the first few times with your lack of knowledge of magic. Teleportation was a new concept to you, and Lilia loved to use it to spook you. He had been serious the first time he met when he offered you a spot at the table to talk to them. He just never expected that this jumpy human would soon be the object of his affection, but when Lilia realized the feeling inside his chest, he knew he couldn’t deny it.

At first, nothing is going to change with him and how he acts around you. The only real difference is coming over to you more and more often. Popping up behind you and teasing about how easy it was to startle you. Even playing mind games and sometimes tricking you. He founds your reactions to always be refreshing, especially your problem-solving skills. While most students would default to using magic to solve their problems, you had to actually use your head and figure them out. So riddles and mind games were a personal favorite of Lilia’s to try out with you.

Soon Lilia will be inviting you to the dorms more and more often. Normally under the guise of how it’ll be fun, and maybe you could try out some of his newest creations. Not to mention Malleus has taken a liking to you, so of course, it makes sense to visit the dorm where it’s safe. Just be expecting that whatever Lilia offers you that day, whether it be a board game or him cooking…that’s going to happen. So on days he offers to prepare you a home-cooked meal that he slaved over…maybe avoid visiting. Or do and try your luck and not die. Maybe you could convince him to let you cook with him and try to salvage whatever atrocity he’s trying to whip up.

You’re not going to realize it until it’s too late, but Lilia has been slowly making you swoon this entire time. Even those soft and lingering touches will be melded inside your mind for quite a while. Once Lilia notices that you’re finally falling, he’s going to keep teasing you more and more. He’s going to make it so obvious that he’s clearly in love with you that even if you’re the densest person on the planet, you’re going to know. He won’t confess, though. No, he’s going to keep this up until you reach a breaking point and confess yourself. Just expect him to call you cute and squish your cheeks before kissing you in a response to your heartfelt confession.

Be prepared for even more teasing once you’re in a relationship with him. His biggest source of entertainment is to make you as flustered as possible. He finds you too cute to not tease you all the time. He’s also going to make fun of how you’re clearly into older men and will verbally ponder if he needs to be worried about you being around Trein since you “Clearly have a thing for Dilfs.” It’s okay to smack him for that, or you can just go along with the teasing and inform him that you’ve only had “fleeting thoughts” about doing that. Those responses are why Lilia fell for you in the first place, after all.

Depending on his mood for the day, he might offer you up his arm in the hallway when walking with you to classes. On other days, he might be the one clinging to your arm. It really does depend on a day-to-day basis. If you’re shorter than him, he might make it difficult to walk by being right behind you with his chin on top of your head. Your feet will practically be on top of his as he guides the way and laughs at your struggle. If you’re taller, then he’s going to be floating to do the same exact thing, but he might float just a bit higher to rest his arms on top of your head as well. Might even pinch your cheeks if you’re frowning at his antics to get you to laugh along with the ridiculous scene.

Lilia is going to be playing a game with you where he tells you some outlandish story from the way in the past and then asks if he was telling the truth or not. He’ll be on his toes as he awaits a response, wondering if you’ll guess right. The trick is that he’s always telling the truth. All those insane stories, you sit there thinking, “No way this happened in history.” Did indeed happen. He might even have a few photographs to show you. His stories never cease to entertain you, but you wish he wouldn’t tell you random facts about a period of time when you’re also learning the same thing in history. Not because they’re not fun stories…but when you take the test and realize you have to struggle between written history and Lilia’s memories…well, it can get muddles in your head.

Upside-down kisses. The bat dad is going to sometimes pop up upside down in front of you only to give you a smooch before leaving. You’re always going to be in a daze when this happens, and if it’s in front of your friends, they’re going to be so confused as to what they witnessed. Lilia is very much into PDA, but he does remember to keep it appropriate. He won’t be stealing breathless kisses that leave your legs feeling like jelly in public. Small kisses, though, or wrapping an arm around you are on the table.

He’s big into cuddling with you. At Diasomnia, it’s either you’re in his lap, or he’s in your lap. The same goes for Ramshackle, and his favorite moments are getting to go to bed with you while you’re in each other's arms. Lilia tends to cling to things in his sleep, so even if you are asleep on opposite ends of the bed, in the morning, you two will appear more like a pretzel. Sometimes you’ll even go to bed alone, and in the middle of the night, Lilia teleports into your room and crawls under the covers with you. Waking up to his face when you know for a fact he wasn’t there when you went to bed can be shocking, but not unwelcome at how peaceful he looks asleep (even if he’s a big faker because we know he woke up the moment you shifted).

It’s known that Lilia likes to use his boyishly good looks to get things, and most of the time, he’s just playing around. When he mentions he can change up how he looks at will, it makes you wonder a few things. Mainly if this cute boyish look he’s got going on is what he really looks like. Voice it, and he’ll laugh before dragging you to his room and making you close your eyes. When they open, you’re going to notice a few things. Number one, his hair is surprisingly long. Number two, his features are a lot sharper, and instead of boyishly good looks, he now has a more regal appearance. The most notable difference? Lilia…are you the same height as Malleus…or are you taller?

Sebek Zigvolt

He’s not going to realize he likes you at all. He just assumes that his heart races when he’s around you is an adrenaline response since normally when he’s with you, something always happens. He just assumes his body has adapted to it. Is his face going red when you compliment him? Clearly, you have some sort of cold, and you’ve managed to give it to him in .5 seconds, and now he’s ill. It’s not a blush, he’s burning up from a deadly fever that you give him whenever you’re around that also happens to go away when you disappear. Perhaps it’s a curse of some kind. Clearly, it’s not his own infatuation with you.

Oddly enough, it’s not Lilia who has to interfere this time around; it’s Silver. It’s painful for everyone close to Sebek to watch the utter denial he is in at having a crush on you. So Silver is the one who explains to Sebek that you don’t have a fever curse cast on you, and it’s not adrenaline that he keeps blaming it on. He simply has a crush on the Ramshackle prefect.

Even more denial over the fact that he’s crushing on a magicless human. How could he fall for someone like you? I mean, sure, you’re amazing, always in his corner, don’t tell him to shut up (might ask him to lower the volume but never in a rude way), and is fine when he trails after them like a lost puppy. He’s realizing maybe this is how his mother felt when she met his father. He’s also in a conflict about how being in a romantic relationship would drag him from his duties of being Malleus’s bodyguard, but Lilia is quick to explain even Knights are permitted to have a love life.

When he decides to finally try to “make you swoon,” as Lilia so kindly refers to it as he’s going to be awkward. It’s almost like a mission he’s just accepted where he has to win you over. He’ll try to hold doors for you but use a bit too much force and make the door slam against the wall as he awkwardly shuffles out of the way to let you pass. He might even try compliments, but they’re going to be the weirdest thing. “Ah, the cowlick on the back of your head is extra springy today!” He is trying.

Sebek’s confession will most likely be accidental. You two are just hanging out, and you ask him why he scared off that group of Savanaclaw students that, in hindsight, were trying to pick a fight with you, but you didn’t notice the hostility due to being used to it at the school. He’ll comment about how “If a knight can't even protect the love of his life, how can he protect his own master?” before realizing what he said. Want to make the poor boy malfunction? Grab his tie and drag him down for a quick kiss and tell him you love him, too, as your lips are still brushing against his own. His brain might stop working for a while. You might need to call Lilia because you broke him.

What he lacks in experience, he makes up for in spirit. He is always honest with you, even if you don’t want him to be. The good news is, most of the time, it’s very good things he’s commenting on. He’ll comment if you look breathtaking one day or how your eyes have a spark that he adores. He’ll also comment that the drool on your cheek when you wake up compliments your drowsy expression, though, so just be prepared for those awkward compliments. The good news is he is loyal to you, so you never have to worry about him hiding something.

PDA is considered inappropriate in his eyes, but he sees no harm in escorting you to your class after he finishes making sure Malleus is safely on his own. Might even have you tag along on his duties protecting Malleus, which you never mind since Malleus is also a good friend of yours, so it’s like a mini group hangout. Once Sebek’s master is gone, though, he’ll shyly offer his arm for you to hold onto and takes you to your class. If you give him a quick peck on the cheek, he won’t bite your head off, but expect to have his staring with wide eyes as you enter the classroom, a hand on the cheek you just kissed, and cherry red in the face.

Overnight cuddles are almost exclusively set in Diasomnia. Sebek needs to be close to Malleus if he needs protection, and he feels like he can’t do that if he’s always staying the night over at Ramshackle dorm. This is fine, though; his bed is more comfortable than your dorm's. The only issue is sometimes when you’re talking late at night, his volume might rise to a shout and disturb other residents. Lilia might gently urge him to visit you at Ramshackle and assure Sebek that he will personally guard Malleus that night, so there’s nothing to fear. Since it’s only Grim in Ramshackle, it’s fine to be a bit noisier as you talk about your day, so that’s a bonus.

He’s now going to be the guard dog of two people, and students are going to realize this very quickly. If Sebek isn’t with Malleus, then he’s going to be right next to you. If someone looks at you wrong or treats you with disrespect, they get an angry crocodile to deal with. Thankfully, he’s easy to reel in when worked up if you just place a hand on his arm and tell him it’s fine and to go somewhere else. He’ll always respect your decision and leave the student with a warning that if he tried that again, he wouldn’t let it go so easily.

Sebek is going to be stiff and awkward with the display of affection. Compliments come easy to him. He just speaks from the heart. Wrapping his arms around you and nuzzling his face into your neck? That’s something he isn’t used to doing and will take some warming up. Be the one to initiate it the first few times in private, and he’ll be better. Might even be the main instigator when it comes to kisses when it’s just you two. They’re always gentle as well; he enjoys cupping your face in one of his hands and drawing you in. You can always feel his smile against your lips as he pulls away from you.

Silver

Silver is going to slowly realize that he’s falling for you. The first sign that he might like you more than a friend is when he realizes he’s a little more awake around you. He doesn’t find himself growing as tired and getting into one of his sleepy spells. He’s just going to be a little more alert hanging out with you, almost like he doesn’t want to miss a single moment of your time together by falling asleep. His body's unconscious way of informing him that he likes you.

This isn’t to say he’s not going to be napping around you. Whatever condition he has won’t magically disappear once he falls in love; it just isn’t happening as often if you’re in the room. When it does happen, he feels comfortable enough to lean against you and doze off. If you offer your lap for him to sleep in while you’re reading or studying, he’ll be grateful and take you up. He’ll be out like a light but definitely dreaming about you. Run your hands through his hair, and he might even find himself nuzzling into your touch while still asleep, something that is honestly adorable.

Lilia is the first person in Diasomnia who realizes that Silver is in love with you and fully supports his son’s decision. Lilia has seen how you treat Silver, and he couldn’t think of a better partner for his son. This doesn’t mean Lilia won’t be teasing Silver about his crush. He’s even going to be inviting you over to the dorm for some tea and snacks after class as he tries to wingman for his son. Not that Silver needed it, but he doesn’t appreciate having more time with you. However, Silver is going to warn you not to try the snacks if Lilia made them. He doesn’t need you dying on him.

Cuddling is a step that will be happing before you enter a relationship with him. Yes, he’ll be asleep on your lap, but sometimes it’s more than that. If you two are studying in your room, sitting on your bed, and he grows tired, he might wrap his arms around your waist and drag you down for a nap. It’s a much-needed one, in his opinion, with how much you’ve been pouring over your books for the last few hours. Besides, he’s great at cuddling and will drag you against his chest and prop his chin on top of your own as he falls asleep. His soft hair might tickle, but honestly, he has a faint scent of lavender on his skin that lulls you into a deep sleep as well.

His confession is going to initially be an accident. You’re going to be at the dorm, and he’ll be leaning on your shoulder after falling asleep. He’ll murmur your name, and you think for a moment he’s woken up but looking at his face, he’s still passed out. He’ll murmur a small “I love you” in his sleep that is sure to set anyone’s heart pounding. Later on, when he’s awake, if you ask him about it, you’ll notice his cheeks becoming a bit pink as he explains he meant to tell you properly sometime in the next week, but this works as well. It’s a cute and genuine way of confessing.

He’s still a well-trained bodyguard, so expect him to have a protective side for you. When he’s not guarding Malleus, he’ll be more than happy to hang out by your side. He’ll be like your own personal escort to and from classes and even offer to walk you home at the end of the day. You want to go shopping, but it’s getting dark outside? Don’t even think about it unless you’re calling up Silver to see if he’ll be able to go with you. He likes protecting you, which gives him a little pride whenever you ask him to go with you places. He knows you’re probably perfectly safe on campus, but he still enjoys doing it. Maybe put his training to work when you get in a small scrap with students in another dorm.

Silver is a little indifferent when it comes to PDA. He doesn’t like or dislike it; it’s just part of the relationship. Or so he says, but he will melt when you hold his hand walking through the school. Small but lingering kisses are also something he adores, and the small pink tinging his cheeks is enough to let you know he’s not totally indifferent to those things. He might even initiate them himself, but he definitely prefers most things behind closed doors. He doesn’t like it when others can see those flustered expressions you make when he wraps his arms around you and drags you close, cupping your head and pulling you in for a series of small kisses. Those are for his eyes only, and he’s planning on keeping it that way.

Come spend time with him while he’s training. He might not be a showoff, but he won’t be opposed to you seeing his skills with a sword. It’s something to swoon over, and Lilia always is telling him that people like others who have special talents. Not to mention he’s a different person in training; you can’t keep your eyes off him. The way his body moves in instinct alone is impressive. He’ll also see if you want to join him for his club activities and go on rides with him. He’s going to find the most sturdy horse, so it’ll have no issue holding the two of you.

He’ll often find himself going to bed with you. It’s a calm and peaceful time; he really likes it when he can stay awake longer than you and just see how peaceful your face is. He’s been told by others that he has a certain beauty to him when he’s asleep, and he always thought it was odd. Seeing you like this changed his mind. He can see the appeal of how relaxed your body and face are. He also loves early mornings, especially if you wake him up with small kisses along his cheeks and neck, maybe a few on his lips. You being the first thing he sees in the morning while the sunlight is beaming down on you? Best wake up.

You’ll be dragged to his table for lunch at least once or twice a week. He understands you have friends and won’t pull you away from them, but he does enjoy you having lunch with him and his other dorm members. The Diasomnia dorm is his family, both literally and figuratively. He wants you to be close to the people he loves most. He always gets the same thing for lunch since it’s his favorite, but he doesn’t mind if you offer him a bite of whatever you’re having. He still wants his favorite meal, but a bite or two of something different helps expand his palette.