#and trauma.... what i crave is deep connection....

[rottingbvnnyheart]

i love so much that im willing to endure whatever sex that comes with it, and i just fantasize about someone loving me so much that they wanna be with me even if i dont wanna have that much sex

[thestarssecrets]

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

Astrology Observations

•all of these are purely my own observations and opinion.•

TW: mention of body issues and dissociation

Leo Risings almost always have some sort of body issue trauma or confidence issues.

Libra Mercurys when meeting people all have this certain type of awkward laugh like a “pff” noise and humm a lot in agreement even when they don’t agree. (this is more tailored with virgo and gemini placements in the mix with it but if you’re a libra mercury and this resonates without those lmk!)

Mars and Saturn in the 1st house when unhealed makes everything a competition. They have to be “successful”. If that means knocking you down a pegs or talking shit about you to make them feel better about themselves…they will do it. If it’s in Leo they have to have all the attention. If it’s in Aquarius they will act unbothered and aloof but talk mega shit about you. etc. whatever sign these planets are in it causes friction. there is a constant yearning to push but saturn restrains it. They might feel like they have to be constantly be in action or “maintaining” their image to be enough. This causes a more than deep inner frustration when they see someone achieving the things they want.

Gemini Sun in the 11th I feel like fits the stereotype of “gemini being two faced” the most. Their ego is constantly changing from the information and energy they are absorbing from other groups of people. Very chameleon like. If they don’t have a strong sense of self, or other planets in the chart that suggest this, i feel like it could lead to identity/self image issues. Same for the 7th house but i feel like the 11th house is more pungent. It’s not just personal relationships it’s community and the social world as a whole.

12th house placements are the worst when it comes to reflective people. The 12th house often holds things that are hidden from ourselves. Thinking about it on the chart wheel, the 12th house is right above the 1st. Almost as if it’s what guides us but it’s unseen. If there’s any personal planets in the 12th house and they are aspected heavily it could show us repressed issues that control the persons life without their knowledge of it. Whenever they meet people that force them to face themselves it’s particularly hard for these natives, not because it’s hard information to swallow, but because the information and emotion that comes with it can be confusing as a whole. From my experience they often shut people out or avoid them completely because they aren’t ready to face those issues.

Virgo Moons often have mothers that are self critical. I’ve noticed the mothers of virgo moons have body issues and obsessed over it. This can lead them to unconsciously pick up on these critical,self improvement mindset. it’s very important for these natives to be aware of the relationship to the mother and themselves. i’ve also met other virgo moons and this remains true!!

8th house moons need to feel understood more than any other house moon placement. They feel deeply and crave soul-level connections. day to day connections are probably draining for this person. to feel emotionally stable they need a person that gets them completely,fully,and nakedly. trust and authenticity is vital to this native.

Almost every scorpio moon i’ve met are disconnected from their feelings. personally i’ve never met one that didn’t feel distant emotionally. this could be because of their protective nature emotionally or because their emotions are too intense for them to feel themselves. either way it’s very interesting to see, coming from a scorpio rising, how scorpios energy works. my sister and boyfriend both have scorpio moons, the two closest people in my life, and there is always still a sense of mystery there.

Moon in the 12 house often repress their emotions so much it could lead to dissociation. I don’t have this placement myself, but i recently met someone that gets my emotional energy like no other and she has her moon in the 12th house. Some issues that come up are knowing you feel a lot and deeply but it’s just out of reach for you to truly get to the “bottom” of the feeling. Feeling so overwhelmed that you don’t know how to react in a moment that would normally prompt a reaction. Taking on people’s emotions because they “sense” the emotions others aren’t verbally voicing.

10th house stelliums especially with saturn feel like they have to achieve something career wise before they do anything else in life. It could be from an outside force or themselves, but it’s very important for these natives to understand that their success is not directly tied to who they fundamentally are. It’s okay to fail and it’s important to try re define what success to this native actually looks like.

If you have Uranus or Neptune in the third house you might randomly get spiritual downloads or hits from writing, driving in your car, listening to music, words standing out from listening to someone’s conversation, radios, school work.

Sagittarius Moons depending on what house and how it’s aspected can be deep feelers. They feel most comfortable focusing on the bright side of things and making light of situations, but the need to find meaning and purpose to an emotion is still there, just like any other sagittarius placement. If they find enjoyment in finding meaning to their emotions they could start to feel comfortable processing deeper complex emotions. they might intellectualize emotions on a more negative note.

•that’s all for now! if you have any questions feel free to shoot them!

pictures: Meawbin The Creepy Cat

Information: thestarssecrets. do not steal.

[novy2sirius]

৻ꪆ my interpretation of venus synastry overlays

venus is the planet of romance and is related to socializing/creating relationships as well. when your venus is in someone’s house it can tell about the connection you have with someone, how close of a relationship you have with them, and how well you two get along in general. do not copy my work or rewrite this on your socials <3

♡⃕ venus in 1h synastry - romantically the venus person falls hard for the 1h person with this synastry. the venus person has strong attraction to the 1h persons appearance and personality. platonically this aspect indicates the venus person adores the 1h person and wants to befriend them (even in a non romantic situation). i would say this is one of the most beautiful aspects for romance though because it makes the venus person completely fall in love with who the 1h person is, simply for them just being them. there are times when you see this aspect in a friendship where the venus person will be very jealous of the 1h person though

♡⃕ venus in 2h synastry - romantically, the venus person feels stability in their life when the 2h person is around. the venus person feels drawn to the 2h person because they make them feel calm and at peace. the 2h person may buy a lot of gifts for the venus person which the venus person adores. this aspect can also indicate bonding over your traumas together because you share similar life experiences. platonically this could also be a good aspect if both people are patient. it can create strong care for one another and admiration for each other

♡⃕ venus in 3h synastry - the venus person loves listening to the 3h person talk (about anything) and adores them. this can indicate the venus person finds the 3h person very charming. there is a possibility of this manifesting in a negative way depending on the other aspects involved in two people’s synastry. it could indicate at worst lots of drama and gossip being spread about the 3h person by the venus person since venus is also associated with socializing (not just romance) and the 3h is associated with gossip

♡⃕ venus in 4h synastry - the venus person adores the comfort they feel around the 4h person. this can indicate feeling at home when you’re around someone and not feeling like you need to put on a show. this synastry is often called “boring”, but that’s only the case if you’re someone who doesn’t like emotional security in a relationship and is looking for a romance filled with constant ups and downs and chaos (fatal attraction vibes). this synastry is more like soulmate vibes. peace. care. affection. the opposite of how toxic relationships can be, of course depending on what your other aspects are in your synastry together

♡⃕ venus in 5h synastry - the venus person craves attention from the 5h person and loves spending time with them. this can indicate feeling really happy with the 5h person and wanting to be around them all the time. the venus person usually finds the 5h person to be very entertaining, funny, and attractive. at worst this could indicate more short term love if there aren’t other synastry aspects indicating something long term. this aspect can also be really good for sexual chemistry

♡⃕ venus in 6h synastry - the venus person’s life improves a lot when surrounded by the 6h person consistently. the venus person adores the 6h person for their healthy and put together life style or may have the urge to improve their life because they’re motivated by seeing the 6h person doing so. at worst this can indicate being too judgmental toward each other or critical. possibly loving the 6h persons pet more than them as well because humans suck (not talking from personal experience or anything)

♡⃕ venus in 7h synastry - this is one of the best aspects you can have for romance in synastry. this indicates a long term relationship and having mutual deep admiration for one another. you likely both want to be committed to each other and truly put in effort long term rather than just relying on the feeling of love to guide you in your relationship. this aspect could also indicate an enemies to lovers dynamic. platonically, this could indicate being enemies at worst, but at best having lots of love for each other

♡⃕ venus in 8h synastry - this aspect is over-hated in my personal opinion. yes 8h energy can at times bring hatred, but the 8h also is associated with things like magnetism, intimacy, and infatuation. sure when unhealthy (low vibrational) this aspect could bring unhealthy obsession and attachment to one another, but at best it indicates having a super close bond in which you feel like you can tell each other anything and feel you can trust each other deeply. this is also good for sexual chemistry. platonically, it could indicate a toxic friendship sometimes, but when it manifests in a higher vibrational way it can just indicate a friendship with lots of loyalty

♡⃕ venus in 9h synastry - the venus person admires the 9h person for their free spirited nature. this can indicate two people having a lot of fun with each other and laughing a lot together. it can also indicate a long distance relationship or traveling a lot together. this is a fun aspect, but it can also indicate lack of committment at worst

♡⃕ venus in 10h synastry - this can be a big indication of dating similar to venus in 1h/7h synastry. people always describe this aspect as working together and falling in love and things like that, which can be true, but there’s so much more to it than that. the 10h is associated with status (including relationship status), so this can indicate when meeting there’s a change in both of your relationship status’ and you begin dating. this can also indicate the venus person admiring and having a crush on the 10h person before even meeting them

♡⃕ venus in 11h synastry - this indicates being soulmates since the 11h is the house of soulmates due to derivative astrology (especially if you both have this aspect mutually). it can also indicate a friends to lovers situation or meeting online and being online lovers. platonically, it can indicate being online besties or being really good friends in general. at worst it could indicate chaos in a relationship or disloyalty occurring since the 11h is associated with rebellion

♡⃕ venus in 12h synastry - this aspect can indicate the venus person secretly admires the 12h person or is very fascinated by them. platonically, it could mean the venus person is very inspired by the 12h person and wants to do things they do all the time (at worst copies everything they do too much). romantically, this can indicate intense spiritual love and that you may have known one another in a past life. it at worst could also indicate lots of lies or secretly hating one another and not finding out about it till later

[ghostlyferrettarot]

🖤✨️Venus in the houses✨️🖤

❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️

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♥︎Venus 1st house: charming people with a flirtatious aura. They know how to get people attached to them ; love to compliment others but expect double the praise in return, they know they are a catch. This individuals are usually the life of the party, the one who unites the relationship/friendship group.

♥︎Venus 2nd house: This is the house of finances, so these people prefer to be pampered by their loved one. People with strong values and respect, they expect the same from their partners. They don't play, they want stability and seriousness in a relationship; most loyal and supporting persons ever.

♥︎Venus 3rd house: really flirtatious and persuasive. They value new experiences, they are attracted to other's personality and interests. You have to keep them entertained, they have an adventurous nature and can get bored easily when it comes to a routine.

♥︎Venus 4th house: These individuals have a really harmonious and protective nature, a fairy-like aura to them. They value comfort and openness in a relationship, they want to feel the love of their partners and create a special bond with them. These people tend to attract people with mommy and daddy issues, with an "I can fix them" vibe.

♥︎Venus 5th House: These are my luxurious people, they have high standards and don't care what anyone has to say about it. They are in love with love, their cheerful nature attracts them towards creative people and people who are in a position of fame or success. They are the muses of artists.

♥︎Venus 6th house: These individuals tend to manage many things at once, they thrive on self-improvement. Their love language tends to be acts of service, they are also attracted to truly selfless people. They can spot a lie from miles away, value trust, and expect the same from their romantic partners. They forgive but they never forget.

♥︎Venus 7th house: They have an attractive and persuasive personality, they are tolerant and charismatic. The 7th house is the house of agreement and partnership, so your luck will probably change after your marriage, your significant other may play an important role in your life. These people crave love and genuine connections.

♥︎Venus 8th house: They are very sensual and intimidating; tend to have stalkers and admirers. They value deep connections, people who truly understand and accept them. People with some type of trauma are attracted to them. You may be interested in occult sciences and have healing powers.

♥︎Venus 9th house: They have a happy aura and an adventurous character. These individuals are attracted to optimistic and adventurous people, those who value their beliefs and want to take risks with them. Venus in the 9th house attracts many foreigners as it may indicate a lot of travelling, you significant other may be from another country.

♥︎Venus 10th House: The 10th House governs public image, career aspirations, and career achievements which makes these individuals attracted to status. They are goal-oriented, always looking to improve, and expect the same from their partners. You will want to live a high-profile life and connect with influential people.

♥︎Venus 11th house: They have a calming and jovial personality. Easily attract many friends who would want to work and connect with you to grow your business. These are my "friends to lovers" trope, they value friendship over romance, which attracts them to those closer to them.

♥︎Venus 12th house: These are my artistic people, they have a lot of passion and compassion. They tend to be attracted to spiritual or helpful people. They value connections and are naturally drawn to others; They find much comfort in helping those around them. They are looking for a partner with good character and empathy.

[movingthisblogcelestialtarot11]

Synastry indicating obsession

Hi friends! Today we’re looking closely at synastry indicating obsession or infatuation with someone. Not necessarily only romantic! Please like reblog & comment to boost this blog 💕

Venus 1h— Infatuation with how the Venus person carries themselves. You want to know how they style themselves, how it looks like it’s made for them—the clothes they wear, hair, makeup, etc. they have what you want which makes you even more attracted to them. This can also turn into idolization for the Venus person. In your eyes the Venus person is talented—skilled and charming. Its as if the Venus person has no flaws. This can easily turn into self comparison with the Venus person which is unhealthy.

Moon 8h— First it feels fated. It feels as if ya’ll have known each other for a long time. Deep innate curiosity to learn more about each other, yet there is so much that remains hidden. Disillusionment within each other is common here, both people may not know who they really are and self sabotage comes up in the connection to be healed. This type of synastry is deep and reignited past pain and trauma. Old attachment styles come up—making it harder to leave the moon person. The moon person can shut off emotionally from the house person, leaving the house person craving more connection. Lack of boundaries—the house person may not leave until there is significant emotional hurt. The connection also struggles with being hidden or people cant know about it. An aspect will always remain hidden. Emotions or not wanting to put a label on the connection.

Saturn conj. Venus— Hot take—I know a lot of people see this as a marriage indicator. And maybe it is, I won’t deny that fact. From my observation, I’ve had this synastry twice and did not necessarily lead to marriage, just lessons to be learned. Usually the Venus persons old attachment style gets triggered. They feel alone and unfulfilled in themselves, not necessarily because of the saturn person. But their inner child is wounded & so they look to the saturn person for stability, strength and protection. Codependent behaviors can be enabled because the venus person does not know how to create internal balance. Father wounds come out in this type of synastry the most. Saturn person can also shut off emotionally from the venus person and be avoidant towards intimacy—feeling afraid to be “vulnerable.”

Venus-pluto— The venus person feels instantly attracted to the pluto person. Or vice versa—both people are affected. Chemistry, sexual tension. Yet underneath hides pain and trauma—which controls the two in the connection unless both heal from it. Very possible both carry pain regarding toxic masculinity & toxic femininity. But still feel drawn to each other because it replays their past—which the two got too comfortable with. It became easy to settle with what they knew than to find actual safety. Lots of transformation, personal power can result from this. Usually this connections ends in shambles, disgust, or never talking ever again. Usually the pluto person ends up hurting venus person—cheating, spreading rumors, jealousy, etc. so much more! Its as if they both cannot get enough of each other yet its “forbidden,” or “taboo” to be in the connection. There is an aspect that the connection has to remain hidden—until it becomes revealed.

Jupiter 8h, Jupiter 1h, and Jupiter 4h- Controversial, but Jupiter can indicate our indulgence. If Jupiter sits in these places especially the 4h its likely the house person will automatically crave a bond and connection with this person. While its sweet—this can turn sideways. The house person becomes comfortable in their old ways and habits, because the Jupiter person can enable their codependency. An indulgence of self victimization—learned helplessness. Jupiter 4h makes house person crave a family they didn’t have, so they cling to the fantasy of it all. Dismissing red flags from the Jupiter person. Jupiter 8h makes the house person want to be consumed by the idea of unveiling the Jupiter person. Wants to know all their secrets, and analyze everything of them. Too much to the point of neglecting themselves. If the Jupiter person leaves—house person will adopt their traits and such. Its a way of holding onto what they wish they had internally—they project their desires onto the Jupiter person.

Planets in the 12h— Immediate attraction & curiosity. The connection can feel fated, or meant to be. The two experience intense highs and lows in the connection because of the lessons. Almost always its a lesson of boundaries and saying no. Usually in these connections, there is a lack of commitment or unavailability—yet the house person craves the moon person for that “deep connection.” The house person feels understood in ways they never had before, so they cling hard to what they receive, even if its unhealthy. Periods of no contact—avoidance, shutting down emotionally is common. Usually the strength of the connection is also tested by people around them or external factors. Gossip, rumours are spread to distort both perceptions of each other in the connection. Eventually one person realizes someone is not being who they say they are—and leave.

Sun 1h— House person is drawn to the way sun person carries themselves. Idolized them, places them on a pedestal. Gives the sun person the privilege of being seen as “more,” even though we are all equal. The house person can strive to be as unique and talented as the sun person & can overdo it. Easy for the house person to compare themselves especially if they are struggling in an area where the sun person is great at. This has potential to become an amazing connection, however.

Mars—The house person can feel isolated or lonely simply because the mars person can come across aggressive. Yet the mars person is captivating, exuberant, and full of life to the house person despite the toxicity. There could be misogyny, sexism, manipulation tactics here. Lots of sexual undertones as well—since it represents action. The house person feels “alive” with the mars person because of their energy, and finds themselves being pulled in very fast. Instant attraction vibes. The two can play a game of “playing hard to get,” which makes it more thrilling—yet there was no commitment to stay in the connection at first. The house person is enamored and hooked onto the charisma of the mars person—willing to toss away their boundaries. The mars person can reenact a lot of toxic behaviors the house person experienced, finding themselves all over in the same position. Lots of competition between the two, to be better or higher than the other. But both are constantly on each other’s mind—which is where the obsession starts.

Thanks so much for reading ya’ll! Highly appreciated it. Hoping to hear y’all’s perspective kindly—I love listening! I love these flower pics. Ima use it again sometime lol.

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[raekensluver]

dangerous attractions (3)

PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE

description: your mysterious new neighbor, spencer reid, turns out to be an agent for the fbi, and you get tangled up in his dangerous life.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

contains: 18+, Minors DNI, mutual pining, fingering, unprotected sex, p in v, r is implied as being shorter than spencer.

song rec: reflections by the nbhd- "i never knew somebody like you, somebody."

w.c: 3.1k

an: thank you so much for the love on my recent publishings!!

over the next few weeks, spencer became a constant presence in your life. he would come over every time he got off work, his eyes searching yours for any signs of fear or trauma. his visits grew longer, his smiles more genuine, and the quiet chess games evolved into deep, late-night conversations about everything and nothing at all.

you found yourself drawn to his world—the complex puzzles of human behavior that he solved every day, the quiet strength that allowed him to face such horrors and still come home to a quiet apartment. he spoke rarely of his cases, but the few details he shared painted a picture of a man who cared deeply for the people he was sworn to protect.

his visits grew more frequent, and with each one, the tension between you grew stronger. it was as if the danger had drawn you closer together, the shared experience of fear and adrenaline forging a bond that neither of you could ignore. you began to crave the sound of his footsteps in the hallway, the gentle knock on your door that signaled his arrival.

spencer noticed the change in you, the way you leaned into him when he spoke, the way your eyes searched his for reassurance. he offered comfort without words, his presence a silent promise that you weren't alone. he would sit with you, not saying much, just being there—a steady anchor in the storm of your thoughts.

one evening, as you sat side by side on your couch, the air grew thick with something unspoken. the tension was palpable, a live wire connecting you both. spencer reached for your hand, his touch sending a jolt through your body. your eyes met, and for a moment, you could see the weight of his job, the toll it took on him, the loneliness he carried like an invisible shield.

you leaned into him, your head resting on his shoulder, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your cheek. "thank you," you murmured, the words feeling inadequate for the comfort he brought.

spencer squeezed your hand gently. "for what?" he asked, his voice a soft rumble in the quiet room.

you tilted your head to look at him, his eyes searching yours. "for being here," you said, your voice barely a whisper. "for… everything."

his gaze softened, and for a moment, the weight of his job, the intensity of his world, seemed to fade away. "you don't have to thank me," he said, his voice gentle. "i just want to make sure you're okay."

you felt a warmth spread through you, his simple words resonating deep within. "i know," you whispered. "but i do. i don't know what i would have done without you."

spencer's eyes searched yours, and you could see the conflict within him—his desire to keep you safe at arm's length and the growing bond that was drawing him closer. "you're strong," he murmured. "you're much stronger than you think."

his words were like a warm embrace, and you found yourself leaning into him, craving the connection that had been building between you. "i'm scared," you admitted, the vulnerability in your voice surprising you.

spencer's gaze never wavered. "i know," he said softly. "but you're not alone."

his hand cupped your cheek, his thumb gently wiping away the tears that had begun to fall. his touch was tender, a stark contrast to the world he lived in. you leaned into his palm, feeling the warmth of his skin, the solidity of his presence. without thinking, you leaned forward, your lips brushing against his.

for a moment, time stood still. then, with a groan, spencer deepened the kiss, his arms wrapping around you. you melted into him, the fear and confusion of the past weeks coalescing into something warm and comforting. his kiss was urgent, hungry, as if he had been holding back for so long, afraid to let himself feel.

you responded in kind, your hands sliding up his chest, tangling in his hair. the world outside the apartment faded away, leaving only the two of you, entwined in a dance of passion and relief. his touch was gentle but firm, his body heat seeping into yours, chasing away the chill that had taken up residence in your bones.

the kiss grew more intense, your breaths mingling as you explored each other's mouths with a desperation that was both thrilling and terrifying. the line between friend and protector had been crossed, and you weren't sure if there was any going back. but in that moment, you didn't care. all that mattered was the feel of his arms around you, the warmth of his embrace.

spencer's hands roamed your body, his touch sending waves of heat through you. you felt his need, his desire, and it matched your own. you had never been so alive, so present in the moment. the chaos of the recent past faded away, replaced by the rhythm of your hearts beating in sync.

his hands found the hem of your shirt, and with trembling fingers, he began to lift it. you helped him, eager to feel his skin against yours. as the fabric was peeled away, you felt a sense of exposure, but also of liberation. there was no room for fear in the face of such raw passion.

his touch was gentle yet firm as he traced the lines of your body, his eyes drinking in every inch of you. you felt the warmth of his breath against your neck, his lips following the path of his fingers. a soft moan escaped your lips, and you knew that you were lost to this feeling, to him.

you straddled him on the couch, your legs wrapping around his waist. your bodies fit together perfectly, as if you had been made for this moment. his hands found your hips, guiding you closer, the heat between you building. the fabric of your clothes seemed to be the only thing separating you, a barrier that was quickly becoming unbearable.

his kisses grew more urgent, his teeth grazing your neck, sending shivers down your spine. your own hands explored his chest, feeling the hard planes of muscle beneath his shirt. you could feel his heart pounding in time with yours, a symphony of need and want.

his fingers deftly unhooked your bra, and with a sigh, you let it fall away. his eyes searched yours for permission, and with a nod, you gave it. he cupped your breasts, his thumbs teasing the sensitive peaks. a gasp escaped your lips, and you leaned into his touch, feeling more alive than you had in months.

spencer's mouth found yours again, his kisses deepening as his hands continued to explore. you could feel the tension in his body, the coiled energy of a man who held the weight of the world on his shoulders finally letting go. you mirrored his urgency, needing to feel him, to connect in the most primal way possible.

you reached for the buttons of his shirt, fumbling slightly with trembling hands. he took over, his movements swift and sure as he undid the last button and shrugged the shirt off, revealing the expanse of his chest. your eyes took in the sight of him, the muscles honed from years of training, the scars that told a silent story of battles won and lost.

spencer flipped you around so that your back was pressed to his chest, his arms wrapping around you protectively. you gasped as his skin met yours, the heat of his body searing into you, his chest a wall of warmth and strength at your back. his lips trailed down your neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin, sending delicious shivers down your spine.

his hands roamed over your body, his fingers deftly sliding under the waistband of your panties. with a gentle tug, he removed the last barrier between you, tossing the fabric aside. you could feel his breath, hot and ragged, against your ear as he whispered sweet nothings, praising your beauty, your strength. his words were a gentle caress, a balm to your frayed nerves.

his fingers found their way to your cunt, the softness of his touch making you gasp. you were wet, slick with desire, and he took note of it with a soft groan, his praise turning into a murmur of wonder. "you're so beautiful," he whispered, his fingertips tracing your folds with a feather-light touch. "so wet for me."

his words sent a shiver through you, and you arched your back, pushing your ass against his hardening cock. he took the hint, sliding a single digit inside you with a gentle pressure that had you moaning his name. "yes," you breathed.

spencer's hand moved with the rhythm of your hips, his finger curling inside you, hitting that spot that made your eyes roll back in your head. you could feel your walls tightening around him, desperate for release. "you're so wet," he murmured, his voice a dark promise in your ear. "you want me, don't you?"

you nodded, unable to form words as he added another finger, stretching you deliciously. "yes," you gasped, the sound barely audible. "more."

his strokes grew more deliberate, his thumb finding your clit and beginning to circle it with a firm pressure that had you panting. "you're so perfect," he whispered, his breath hot against your neck. "so responsive."

your hips began to rock in time with his hand, the tension inside you building. "spencer," you moaned, his name a plea for more. "yes," he murmured, his voice low and urgent. "let me make you feel good."

his fingers worked you with a skill that left you trembling, his touch both gentle and insistent. your body responded to his every command, your slickness dripping down your thighs. "you're so wet for me," he said, his voice thick with lust. "so fucking perfect."

his words were a catalyst, sending you hurtling towards climax. your eyes squeezed shut, your head thrown back, your mouth open in a silent scream as the orgasm crashed over you. your muscles tightened around his fingers, pulsing with the intensity of your release.

spencer held you through it, his arms tight around your waist, his mouth moving from your neck to your ear, whispering sweet nothings that only served to prolong the pleasure. when the tremors finally subsided, you collapsed against him, your breaths coming in gasps.

his hands remained gentle on your body, the urgency of the moment giving way to a tender care. he turned you in his arms, so you faced him, and kissed you softly, the passion of moments ago now a gentle warmth that wrapped around you like a blanket. "are you okay?" he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

you nodded, your eyes never leaving his. "yes," you whispered, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. "more than okay."

spencer's smile grew, his eyes filled with warmth. "good," he murmured, his thumb brushing over your lower lip. "because i've wanted to do this for a long time."

his kiss was gentle, a stark contrast to the passionate maelstrom of moments before. it was as if he was memorizing the taste of you, savoring every second. your hands slid up his arms, feeling the muscles flex beneath your fingertips. you felt cherished, protected—like he was trying to erase the fear that had taken up residence in your soul.

spencer laid you back on the couch, his body hovering over yours. the cushions sank beneath your weight, the fabric warm and welcoming. his eyes searched yours, making sure you were ready, that you wanted this as much as he did. your nod was all the invitation he needed.

his hands moved to the button of his pants, his eyes never leaving yours. with a slow, deliberate movement, he unzipped them, the sound of his zipper echoing in the quiet room. he slid the fabric down his legs, revealing his erection, straining against the fabric of his boxers. your eyes widened, taking in the sight of him.

his cock was thick and hard, a testament to his desire for you. you felt a thrill of power, knowing that you had elicited such a response from this man who faced horrors on a daily basis. "spencer," you murmured, your voice thick with want.

his boxers followed the path of his pants, and he positioned himself between your legs. his cock nudged against your entrance, the heat of him making you ache for more. you reached down, wrapping your hand around him, feeling the pulse of his desire. "you're so beautiful," he murmured, his eyes never leaving yours.

you guided him inside you, his thickness stretching you deliciously. he pushed in slowly, giving you time to adjust, his eyes never leaving yours. when he was fully seated, he stilled, his chest heaving with the effort to hold back. "are you okay?" he asked, his voice a gentle rumble.

you nodded, your eyes never leaving his. "yes," you whispered, the single word a declaration of trust. spencer's gaze searched yours, his expression a mix of concern and desire. with a gentle nod, he began to move, his strokes long and slow, as if he was savoring every moment.

you gripped the couch cushions, your body responding to his rhythm, your hips rising to meet his. the friction was exquisite, the fullness of him inside you filling you in a way nothing else ever had. his eyes remained locked on yours, the intensity of his gaze making your heart race.

his strokes grew deeper, his pace increasing, as if he couldn't get enough of you. you felt your second orgasm building, a slow burn that started in your core and spread through your body like wildfire. "spencer," you moaned, his name a prayer on your lips.

his eyes searched yours, the concern in them morphing into something more primal, something that told you he needed this just as much as you did. he leaned down, capturing your mouth with his, his tongue delving deep as he thrust harder, faster. you could feel the tension in his body, the way his muscles tensed with each stroke, the way his breathing grew ragged.

his hand slid down your body, finding your clit once more, his thumb circling it with just the right amount of pressure. the sensation was overwhelming, the pleasure building to a crescendo that threatened to consume you. you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, needing more.

spencer's movements grew more urgent, his hips driving into you with a force that had you seeing stars. your moans grew louder, filling the room, echoing off the walls. his own breathing grew ragged, his eyes never leaving yours as he claimed you, as if he was trying to memorize every line of your face in the throes of passion.

his thumb circled your clit, the pressure increasing, and you felt yourself teetering on the edge. "spencer," you gasped, your nails digging into his back. "I'm going to—"

"come for me," he murmured, his voice a command that sent you spiraling over the edge. your body arched off the couch, your orgasm ripping through you with a force that left you trembling. he watched you intently, his eyes dark with desire as he felt your cunt pulse around him.

spencer's own release followed quickly, his hips stuttering as he buried himself deep inside you, his warmth filling you completely. his eyes never left yours, the connection between you unbroken even as the world around you spun away. your bodies remained joined, the aftershocks of pleasure rippling through you both.

for a moment, you simply lay there, panting, your hearts racing in sync. the quiet of the room was a stark contrast to the tumult of emotions inside you. spencer's weight was a comfort, a reminder that you weren't alone in this. that despite the chaos that had entered your life, there was still warmth, still passion.

but reality had a way of intruding, and the sudden buzz of his phone on the coffee table was like a cold shower. he pulled away with a groan, his eyes filled with regret. "i have to go," he murmured, his voice thick with reluctance. "work."

you nodded, understanding all too well the demands of his job. "be safe," you whispered, the words carrying a weight that seemed to hang in the air.

spencer kissed you gently, his hand lingering on your cheek before he reluctantly pulled away. with a sigh, he began to gather his clothes, his movements efficient and methodical. you watched him dress, the sight of his muscles rippling beneath his shirt as he buttoned it up. his eyes met yours, the warmth of the moment before replaced by the cool detachment of a man preparing to face the world.

you sat up, feeling the ache of his absence as he stepped away. your own clothes lay scattered around the room, a testament to the passion that had consumed you both. with trembling hands, you began to dress, the fabric of your clothes feeling almost foreign against your sensitive skin. the cotton of your shirt was rough against your nipples, still sensitive from his touch.

spencer watched you, his eyes lingering on your body before he turned away, focusing on his own clothes. you could see the struggle in his movements—the desire to stay, to hold you close, warring with the duty that called him away. it was a dance you were both too familiar with, the push and pull of your newfound intimacy and the cold reality of his work.

once dressed, he turned back to you, his expression one of deep apology. "i'm sorry," he said, his voice low and filled with regret.

you took a deep breath, trying to still the racing of your heart. "it's okay," you assured him, knowing he had no control over the demands of his job. "you have to go."

spencer nodded, his eyes searching yours one last time before he bent down to kiss you—a kiss that was at once gentle and filled with the promise of more to come. it was a kiss that said 'i'll be back' without uttering the words. his hand lingered on your cheek, his thumb brushing away the last of your tears. "i'll check on you later," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

you watched him go, the sound of the door closing behind him like a final punctuation on the intensity of the past few minutes. your body still hummed with the aftermath of pleasure, but your mind was a whirlwind of confusion. what had just happened between you? was this a one-time thing, a product of the fear and tension of the past weeks? or was it the beginning of something more?

[veerbles]

Pynch Fic Rec Wrap-Up

35 fics you would be doing yourself a favor by reading. divided into 5 (+1) neat categories for your convenience.

GOATs

the best to ever (ever ever) do it.

Free as a Bird by pinkhorizon rating: M | wc: 31k (10 chapters) | musician au this fic is at the very top of this top tier list not because my heart was pounding and I was giggling and teary-eyed and overwhelmed and emotional throughout it - although it's all true; but because I obsessed over it non-stop for a week after reading it, and still think about it with alarming frequency. this is, truly and embarrassingly, my roman empire. if you ever read an au from this fandom, please dear lord: let it be this one.

Ronan is the lead guitarist of the Ravens, and Adam is a roadie. Romance ensues.

Friends We Keep by pinkhorizon rating: M | wc: 56k (10 chapters) | non-magical future this section of the list only has three recs, and this is the second one by pinkhorizon. this is not by mistake. in this case, ronan and adam are occasionally friends with benefits but continuously deeply in love; this fic gives you the kind of good pain that puts a lump in your throat but keeps you so, so hopeful for that happy ending because it earns it. for bonus points, it deals with mental health issues and trauma and just all the heavy stuff from canon in a truly superb way.

Adam doesn’t know what he wants, and Ronan wants whatever he can have.

Fall Back by flightspath rating: E | wc: 14k (6 chapters) | college au unlike free as a bird, I didn't fall into obsession with this fic immediately. I read it once and enjoyed it, found myself craving a reread shockingly soon thereafter, and loved it more and more each time. I only noticed how special it was when I easily passed the 10+ rereads. much like adam and ronan in this fic, friends with benefits whose feelings creep up upon, my deep pure love for this fic creeped up on me.

Adam, at the library, scanning books with a pen behind his ear. Adam, trudging across the quad in the snow. A recurring dream, all throughout fall semester, a bright spot in Ronan’s days.

Canon Compliant

* compliant with the original series; I tend to ignore td3's existence.

Of Being the Tenders of Gardens by shaenie rating: E | wc: 85k it's honestly beyond my comprehension how this fic isn't its own classic in this fandom, if only for its arguably unparalleled focus on the magic system and adam's powers and the connection to cabeswater. in short, it's a post-canon take on adam and ronan trying to bring cabeswater back, but not by dreaming a new one.

It's Adam Ronan takes to what he thinks might be a remnant of Cabeswater first.

Rock Me Like by zephfair / @zephfair rating: E | wc: 6k I read many fics about different aspects of adam and ronan cohabiting during the summer after high school, but I specifically liked how this fic alludes to their different upbringing in the more practical ways.

When bad weather threatens the Barns, Adam does his best to take care of his loved ones.

negative capability by smileymikey / @smileymikey rating: G | wc: 3k the general consensus is that these two find it easier to communicate through touch than through words, so I really liked how this tackles the way touch may present its own issues as well.

If Adam were poetic, he and Ronan would be spinning planets, constantly drawn together by gravity and the sheer power of the universe, sometimes aligning so they would be both at the furthest points of their orbits at the same time with millions of miles of emptiness and dust between them, but sometimes aligning so they would be at the other edge of their orbits, hovering inches away from one another, the dust between ionised and pulsing with tension. But he’s not. So they’re just assholes.

lavender and burning skin by deathlessaphrodite rating: E | wc: 8k very early in their relationship, spending time in the barns with the lynch brothers and fumbling around sex and communication the way god intended.

To: Adam Parrish From: Ronan Lynch Subject: (no subject) come round tonight? not if you’re working obv r. Adam stared at the email for several seconds before he could even begin to comprehend it. Ronan Lynch and email did not belong in the same sentence.

Between Eternities by BeautifulSoup / @thebeautifulsoup rating: T | wc: 12k (10 chapters) actually fucking brilliant vignettes of moments from the year after trk ended.

The world is waiting for them. Not the world they saved last night, but the other one. The solid, undreamt and undreamlike world of Aglionby and Ganseys.

Wringing Out the Hours by quietcoast / @sentimentalspiders rating: T | wc: 8k one of the very few future fics which gave me that exactly-right feeling.

It felt irresponsible to leave. He had willed the thought away, and breathed in the sleep-sweat of Ronan’s neck instead. He thought about the scratch of Ronan’s jaw, and the soft fury of his mouth. He thought about how far into the drive his first exit would be. He thought about Opal, who had hidden herself in the enthusiastic buttonbush that grew alongside the house; she had taken to crouching there whenever it looked like Adam and Ronan were doing things related to Leaving, and had gnawed an entire branch clean. She watched them as they swayed and whispered, and Adam had thought she would stay in the bush and not come see him at all, but he was wrong: at the last minute she had been unable to stand it, and had burst out to wrap herself around his legs. It was impossible to leave them. He had gotten in the car.

The hang of being alive again by Goshen (applecrumbledore) / @goshen-applecrumbledore rating: E | wc: 13k I can say with a good amount of authority that I've read every single iteration of immediately-post-canon pynch, and every single take on their first time, and this is just the most heart-stopping and disarming and gorgeously written one of them all.

Falling for Ronan had felt like going to speak at the same time as someone else after a long silence, two people bumbling over their words to say, no, sorry, go ahead before one of them says what they were going to say.

Roses in Between My Thighs by orphan_account (*) rating: E | wc: 6k I marked this with an asterisk because technically speaking, it's not canon compliant - it was written before the series was completed. but its grasp on the characters is so good that it's honestly impossible to tell it wasn't written post-trk, so I'm counting it.

Four things that could have ruined them but didn't.

Canon Divergence/Non-Magical

where the setting is close enough to the original universe, with minor changes.

Never Knock by burn_it_slow / @burn-it-slow rating: E | wc: 28k | non-magical adam goes off to college and unintentionally loses touch with his best friend ronan, all the while realizing he's in love with him. a summer later they meet again. also: all the emails adam never sent, but probably should have.

“We good here?” Ronan sweeps a knuckle across his lower lip and glares at Adam as if daring him to say something about… any of this whole situation. Whether it’s the destroyed car, the forgotten phone number, or the gratuitous kiss from a super hot dude with an expensive motorcycle, Adam can’t exactly determine.

A Strange and Complicated Thing by ungoodpirate / @ungoodgatsby rating: T | wc: 39k (12 chapters) | non-magical a retelling of select parts of a non-magical canon if adam and ronan started sneaking around to hook up first and became friends and boyfriends later - with a slow and excellent build of emotional intimacy.

Didn’t Adam Parrish deserve nice things? Didn’t Adam Parrish deserve to be pushed against the back wall of Boyd’s and be kissed like he was addictive by a boy who had the cheekbones of a model? Didn’t he deserve hands grasping at his waist with an eagerness to be held close that Adam had never known? Adam Parrish didn’t have many nice things in his life, and he wasn’t going to question this one that had happened unanticipated this one random, Saturday afternoon.

every dream i've ever had has been of myself by cloverspies / @parrishh rating: T | wc: 8k a different version of how their first kiss could've gone that literally had me breathless and kicking my feet.

Chasing down a mysterious address left behind by a dead psychic was much more attainable than getting ice cream, which was all sorts of messed up but also the truest thought Ronan had had all day, so he shifted into reverse and peeled out of the two spots the BMW had been taking up without even bothering to glance at his mirrors. He was already burning rubber, practically drifting around the corner of the parking lot exit, when he asked, "Where to?"

Every Stupid Little Thing by Diana_Dreams / @diana-dreams rating: M | wc: 10k a canon-divergence vaguely placed in the timeline in which floundering teenagers struggle through expressing their emotions. more importantly, this has a first kiss car scene that still lives rent free in my brain.

Courting. Jesus. It sounds like an awful joke. Parrishs don't court. They get girls knocked up and beat the shit out of the people they're supposed to love.

Alternate Universe

A Moment in Time by pinkhorizon rating: M | wc: 132k (20 chapters) falling in love, getting together, breaking up, pining, getting back together, all crafted by pinkhorizon's masterful hand. if you're still not convinced to read all of their works: why, and also, do.

Ronan likes being alone. Adam's looking for summer work.

(i’ll clean up) the mess that you are by ecoterrorism / @bartskull rating: M | wc: 5k there's just something about baseball au's and soulmatism.

It will work because Adam willed it so. Even when Ronan doubts God, he still knows better than to doubt this.

go running by thesehands / @ahotknife rating: E | wc: 72k (5 chapters) emotionally unavailable rich professional adam starts having kinky sex with his co-worker's brother ronan and somehow convinces himself there are no feelings involved. then it blows up in his face.

most of the time, ronan takes his crucifix off when they have sex. sometimes, he doesn't. sometimes, adam thinks he might be ready for a relationship. most of the time, he doesn’t.

light by paintedpolarbear rating: T | wc: 3k a paramedic au with the tangible sort of attraction that makes you want to read meet-cutes in the first place.

When the tones drop at four in the morning, Adam briefly entertains the fantasy of rolling over and getting more sleep. Then he puts his boots on.

seek ye the living by charactershoes / @charactershoesfic rating: T | wc: 40k (9 chapters) a fleabag au that I enjoyed with all my whole ass self despite committing the cardinal sin of not really enjoying fleabag. this deals with grief and religion and god-slash-magic and purpose versus autonomy in a way that changed my interpretation of trc forevermore.

Ronan says, “What’s the church’s stance on fratricide?” “Frowned upon,” says the almost-priest. He’s got a remote, orphan-eyed face like something off a prayer card, but his voice is as Henrietta as cicada song. “Although there’s precedent.”

gets late early by charactershoes / @charactershoesfic rating: G | wc: 18k I've already made my point about baseball au's and soulmatism, so let me add this: there is just something about authentic depictions of teenage boys and their repressed emotions. also, like, essentially everything by this author is gold.

That year, Ronan was Declan Lynch’s Little Brother, The Kid With The Dead Dad. That year Adam Parrish was The Public School Kid. That year Adam Parrish was God’s Gift To Southpaws. That year they went to the league championship and blew it badly. Next year, Ronan was Academically Ineligible. Next year, Adam Parrish was gone. Now, Ronan is a senior and starting catcher on the Aglionby Ravens. Now, Adam is back on the clubhouse bench, tightening the ragged laces on his cleats.

A stillness at once awful and sublime by Wisteria_Leigh / @purrincesscatitude rating: T | wc: 18k adam experiences a crisis and applies to be a fire lookout on an isolated mountaintop in montana. this is a truly remarkable lesson in interweaving canon into a completely alternate setting, which manages to be both beautiful and poignant.

It’s a momentary lapse of emotional regulation, if one is generous. An absolute fucking meltdown, if one is honest. When Adam comes back into his body, he’s lying on his bed, empty styrofoam staining his duvet with red chili oil, blank-eyed scrolling through his LinkedIn feed of job openings at Harley-Davidson for motorcycle engineers. He doesn’t want to work for Harley; he’s got brand loyalty to Honda. Also, being a mechanic again would be backsliding, and he is absolutely, most certainly, not backsliding. No, he just needs a sabbatical. A break from reality. Something temporary. Remote. Far from Virginia. Then he sees it: "Fire lookout."

The Course of Certain Stars by quietcoast / @sentimentalspiders rating: T | wc: 9k truly an exemplary take on adam's characterization and the existence of demons and the catholic church.

Once upon a time, Adam Parrish had not - if you’ll pardon him - given a good God damn about God or the devil. At eleven, Adam took for granted that praying did not mean an answered prayer. At twelve, he understood that devil was just another word for the man who lived in his house and shared his eye color. At thirteen, Adam realized that, actually, he was fucking wrong, that the devil was literal and maybe so was God. He knew this because one day, a demon crept into his parents’ trailer. As an adult, unmaking the rules of good and evil consumed Adam Parrish. Proving his experience was the undercurrent to everything he did. That was why it was so absolutely fucked up that when he did finally encounter a demon for the second time, he wasn’t even trying to do it.

Careful the Tale You Tell by shinealightonme rating: T | wc: 26k (4 chapters) if there's one thing I like, it's trope subversion. this had that misty, fairytale-like grimms vibe and incredible relationship development, but more notably, it managed to not be at all what I was expecting.

Ronan makes a deal with a witch. It's okay, though. He'll never have to go through with his end of the bargain.

This Is Canon To Me

a collection of short fics-turned-headcanons that you could not pry from my cold dead hands.

How To Train Your Fire-Breathing Reptile by pinkhorizon rating: T | wc: 1k if you weren't hoping for this during the end of tdt, idk what is up with you.

If you asked Adam, Ronan's latest dreamthing is absolutely not a dragon. (If you asked Ronan, it totally is.)

worship by ssstrychnine / @oneangryshot rating: T | wc: 1k do you ever remember that ronan canonically worships adam like his god. because I sure do.

ronan dreams stained glass.

oreos and peanut butter by lizpaige / @lizpaige rating: G | wc: 1k this is actually bronan in a pynch disguise, and I fully mean that in a complimentary way.

Adam shows up at Monmouth after work and Gansey is breathing into a paper bag while Blue pierces Ronan's ear with a sewing needle and an apple Parent Trap style.

Dog Days by cheeryos / @cheeeryos rating: T | wc: 1.5k I legitimately wondered about this while reading trb and was sad it never came up again.

Ronan picks up a surprise for Adam.

Unfold Me by cherishadamparrish / @cherishadamparrish rating: N/A | wc: 1k the idea of ronan pulling embarrassingly mushy things out of his dreams, especially after they have sex, is so important to me (you can also find this scenario referenced in another fic on this list, and it's great both times).

The entire bedspread was covered in a canvas of rose petals.

like a dog with a bird by charactershoes rating: G | wc: 3k so many attempts have been made at what this conversation would be like, but none have stuck with me quite as much as this one, so this is the Canon one to me.

The bruises at Ronan’s neck are fading, the pools of dark green and purple dispersing. Adam knows intimately the phases of a bruise, how the brutal press of fingers washes out dingy and yellow. Still, if he looks, he can discern where his nails bit in, where his thumbs pressed hard against Ronan’s windpipe.  “I’m sorry,” he says. His hands shiver.  “Don’t start,” Ronan says.

out of the dark day, into the brighter night by York / @ellipsesetcetera rating: G | wc: 4k I always wished we'd seen more of their st. agnes sleepovers and their burgeoning friendship moments.

"Blink and you'll miss it. I'm not doing this shit all night, so when it does happen, don't be fucking daydreaming and gripe about it later like some —" "I won't miss it," Adam promised. "It's not a circus act." "Ronan. I won't miss it."

Honorary Mentions

made me laugh / surprised me somehow.

i told the moon about you by broyals rating: T | wc: N/A (10 chapters) mixed media fic, told through fake social media images

ronan lynch and adam parrish grew up together on the set of the strange case of jane armstrong, and as their careers took very different paths the media couldn’t help but compare them every step of the way, creating a rivalry that wasn’t quite there. as they accidentally feed into the rumors, they must now get along publicly to dispel them, and get to know each other once again.

vanitas vanitatum, omnia (pro Adam) by JayJEx rating: T | wc: 11k in a truly unhinged post-canon universe that somehow almost feels plausible, ronan becomes instagram famous.

“You can’t really blame him,” Ronan hears Adam shifting on the other end of the call, like he’s moving into a more comfortable position. “You’re using your phone. Willingly. That’s gotta be, like, a sign of the apocalypse, or something.”

should've left my phone at home ('cause this is a disaster) by shinealightonme rating: T | wc: 4.5k the only thing you need to know is that I laughed out loud through the vast majority of this fic.

Most of the interesting customers that Adam meets are terrible interesting rather than fun interesting. The hot guy who can't keep a cell phone alive might be both.

[millysastroblog]

Random Astro Theory’s

🔭I have a theory that Saturn's influence on relationships doesn’t necessarily mean someone will marry later; in fact, it could indicate the opposite. In the charts of some people I know, I’ve observed that when Saturn is in Cancer aspecting Venus or in the 7th house, there tends to be a strong focus on long-term, serious relationships that can lead to marriage. These individuals prioritize stable, equal partnerships, and while they might be late bloomers, once the time is right, they are committed for real. This could also apply to someone with a Venus-Jupiter aspect in Cancer or Cancer in the 7th house, who might even experience family-arranged marriages or similar situations."

🔭Plutonic Synastry/Composite isn’t about love in the way we typically think of it—it’s about transformation through intensity. It's like entering a vortex that forces you to confront the deepest parts of yourself. This connection is a catalyst for deep inner work. You get caught in this whirlwind, feeling that intoxicating rush of what seems like love, but it’s really more of a temporary trap that pushes you to face everything you’ve been avoiding. It’s like a snake that slides unnoticed through your at first, suddenly strikes with a sharp, unexpected bite. The sting feels like betrayal—like you’ve been deceived or hurt, and the trust you once had is shattered. But that venom coursing through your veins? Its something that you needed, even if it feels like it’s killing you in the moment. The poison is your awakening, forcing you to face your deepest fears and wounds.The process is messy and painful. It’s like being in a pressure-cooked cocoon, where the heat of it all brings everything to the surface. All the things you didn’t want to deal with fear, trauma, insecurities come pouring out. But once it’s all released, you are left with a new self, one that’s been purged, cleansed, and rebuilt from the ashes. You come out stronger, more self-aware, and ready to take on the world, like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon. 🦋🦋🦋

🔭I feel like Gemini and Pisces are similar in the way they’re often disliked or called "flip-floppy" or "fake" due to how broad, diverse, and unrestricted their worlds are. For Gemini, ruled by the twins, they don’t just have one way of doing things; it’s always split into multiple opinions, perspectives, and options. Whether it’s the information they share, the people in their lives, or even their choices in food, clothes, or money, they will figure things out in different ways. It’s easy for them to get bored and restless if something doesn’t stimulate their mind or offer something new, which is why they can quickly drop things, change their minds, or shift their personalities. So, if a Gemini flips on you, it’s usually because they’re bored.

As for Pisces they often don’t know themselves fully they just know that their reality is more fantasy, where they can take different forms, shape-shift, and be whoever they want. Because of their vivid imagination and deep sensitivity, they easily adapt to their environment, people, or situations, but often only if it serves their so-called limerence or false reality. Once that illusion is cracked and no longer meets their expectations, they can easily disengage or withdraw."

🔭Venus conjunct Chiron is a placement that gives someone a pure heart and soul when it comes to relationships and connections. These individuals have a unique way of accepting, nurturing, and understanding others in a meaningful, deep way. They’ve been hurt and betrayed many times, often feeling inferior. Most of the time, they've gone through a difficult, painful phase in life, only to suddenly transform into something beautiful, like a swan emerging from the struggle. They are often misunderstood and incredibly adorable, yet carry an air of quiet strength. People with this placement tend to crave love but often feel unworthy of it, which can lead them to attract unbalanced or unequal relationships. Despite the hardship and challenges they face, they possess an incredible capacity for forgiveness and empathy for others. There's a special allure or charm they exude that effortlessly draws people in. Over time, their biggest lesson will be to learn to value themselves first, to feel whole without relying on external validation whether that’s money, beauty, or luxury so that they can attract the right kind of people into their lives. In doing so, they also teach others how to do the same.

🔭Chiron doesn’t necessarily mean that you will suffer in one specific area of life forever. Since Chiron orbits between Saturn and Uranus, it takes on qualities from both planets. Saturn is about longevity, hard work, and the lessons we learn through persistence. As such, Chiron's energy can be challenging, especially in the beginning. It brings harsh and painful lessons that are meant to help us grow as individuals. However, the pain and suffering tend to lessen over time as we gain wisdom, knowledge, and maturity traits associated with Saturn. If someone doesn’t reach a certain level of enlightenment or growth, the cycle can repeat in the same, difficult way, as Saturn teaches us that growth comes through effort and time. But just like in the example above, there’s the potential for a breakthrough with every Chiron placement. These breakthroughs can be sudden and drastic, unlocking an evolution in our consciousness and allowing us to integrate healing in this life.

🔭The Midheaven (MC) shows how people perceive you when they first meet you, not how they view you over time. The 10th house, which contains the MC, is the highest point in the birth chart. Initially, people will see the energy of your MC placement, but as they get to know you better, they can start to appreciate the traits of your 1st house, Ascendant, or Sun sign.

Example: I have Capricorn on my 10th house/MC, conjunct Mars, opposite Saturn.

The Comments: "You look mean, you have resting bitch face, you seem so closed off, I didn’t know you could be nice." These are some of the first impressions I hear when people describe how they first saw me. I also get a lot of comments about my body and face being beautiful, but despite that, people don’t tend to like me right away. And honestly, I kind of get why.

🔭The negative expression of Neptune can be described in just few words in correlation to the planets :

Absence , disillusionment, deception of…

Sun: your Dad

Moon: your Mum

Venus: your Man/Woman

Mercury: your Perception

Mars: your Power and Will

Jupiter: your Beliefs

Saturn: your Limitation

Uranus: your Freedom

Pluto: your Control and Obsession

ASC: one Self

MC: your Public image

~•Milliy•~

[tarotofhope]

PAC: ♫ What is the Importance of Music in your Life? ♫

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

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Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

𝄞 Pile 1

Cards: The Emperor, The Hierophant Rev. clarified by The Knight of Swords, Ace of Wands, 6 of Cups, The Empress.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. You could be listening to music for encouragement and upliftment so it could be motivational songs or therapeutic music such as white noise, lofi songs, slow romantic or sad songs, asmr audios or videos, or any kind of soothing music. This could be because you have some mental trauma or you have been hurt. You could also like metal, punk rock or rap songs. You could also be someone who likes to dance a lot or is a good dancer. For some of you here, your taste in music could be bad according to people, you might be getting negative remarks from some people about your playlist or I'm also getting this very specifically that some of you could be listening to religious music which do not belong to your religion/community, so again, people of your community/religion might be taunting you for this. You might be the one to share your favorite songs or playlist or suggest your favorite band to your friends or people who might be unaware of certain awesome music.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𝄞 Pile 2

Cards: The Chariot, 10 of Pentacles, 4 of Swords Rev. clarified by 3 of Swords, King of Pentacles and Justice.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2. Do you guys feel abandoned and lonely? I'm also getting that there could be a personal problem related to your family/close ones because your choice of music is highly related to this. I mean to say, you could be listening to songs which have an emotional depth, very strong, heart-piercing and fulfilling, where you relate your emotions, where you feel seen, heard and valued. You could also be someone who just couldn't travel without listening to music, you always have a earpiece or a headphone on. You believe you just can't function without music. Dancing might not be much your thing. You could be someone who's a fan of some band or a group which has a family like bonding rather than just being together for work sake, because you could be someone who craves deep bonding and connections yourself. You use music like an escape mechanism from your harsh reality. You could be someone who goes to sleep listening to slow and sad songs. You also get very annoyed when you're too busy in work and you just can't take some time out to listen to songs.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 2.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𝄞 Pile 3

Cards: Ace of Pentacles, King of Cups, 2 of Wands, The Devil clarified by Queen of Swords, The Empress Rev clarified by Strength, Queen of Pentacles.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3. You could be someone who's very creative and talented when it comes to music or music/dancing could be your hobby and you're trying to polish your skills. I'm getting that you're someone who earns through music or has a strong desire to convert their music hobby/talent into a profession and you're very serious about it. Some of you could already be famous singers and musicians and are very popular while some of you could be struggling musicians trying to showcase their talent on social media or by travelling to different places, participating in competitions here and there. For some of you, this talent/hobby of yours is not supported by your family so you still went on with it and took your chances, you stood for yourself bravely, so even this might be a struggle. For you guys, music is food for your soul, you find your strength in it. For those who are not being supported, music has always filled up the void for you(for the lack of support and understanding), almost like an actual person. You think you were born to be a singer/musician/composer/lyricist/dancer and you can't live without it. You could mostly be listening to country, folk, pop, jazz or classical music.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 3.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𝄞 Pile 4

Cards: The Lovers, 9 of Wands, Temperance, 2 of Pentacles, 4 of Pentacles, Queen of Swords.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. You are someone who could be into romantic songs. You might like to dedicate songs to your romantic partner. You listen to songs because it balances your daily routine or hectic schedule. You might also listen to songs that talk about seeking revenge or talk about being cool, cold and sassy. This might be your way to get frustration out of your mind. You could be a very busy person so you listen to songs just to chill out and take a break from the stress, nothing more than that. You might really have to take some time out for a break maybe because you hardly get a break. You might also not be open to listening new songs. You might have a fixed routine as well as fixed choices when it comes to music. You are very picky and choosy when it comes to your taste in music. You might think that other people have a very weird taste in music and it might annoy you. For a few of you, you might be confused as to what kind of music you like or dislike, you don't have fixed choices, you might be very moody and listen to music less frequently. Some of you might like singing and dancing equally.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

𝄞 Pile 5

Cards: The Magician, 7 of Pentacles clarified by 2 of Swords, 4 of Swords, Queen of Wands, King of Cups and 10 of Swords.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5. You might be someone who listens to all kinds of music, all languages, traditional classic as well as western, from instrumentals to music box, asmr to lofi, party songs to devotional songs, etc. you listen to everything. You might also be very moody. You might be good at both, singing and dancing. When you're sitting idle and you're confused as to what to do, you think of doing different things(you might be very creative or multi-talented), but you end up listening to music. You need your peace of mind when you're indulging yourself into music, you don't listen music while doing other chores because you may mostly listen to music which makes you feel extreme emotions. You believe music can heal you. You always need your focus at one point, maybe you're not good at or don't like multi-tasking. A funny thing happened while shuffling for this pile, I have a little black kitten and he thought I was playing with him when I shuffled the cards, so he came and put his little paws on my cards and it's funny yet adorable how The Queen of Wands jumped out for this pile(I was using the Rider Waite deck), the queen has a black cat sitting right beside her feet. I was getting a very specific message with the black cat, that some of you may have a guilty pleasure or really love to listen to horror themes, horror music, creepy music box or you might also like creepy pasta, horror movies/shows/series/games/podcasts, horror/mystery novels.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 5.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

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[bamfkeeper]

Above.

RQ: 'Hello 👋 I was hoping your requests are still open and I'm not too late! I know my oc Haven is very specific, and I completely understand if you need to work around. I wanted to request a fic centered around the idea that Haven returns to earth in their Seraphim form with like a whole new bunch of traumas, and they think Kurt will not like them anymore because they're a freaky-looking angelic alien with seven eyes and shit. I hope it's not too much, I completely understand if u ignore this request, lmao.' - @ladylorem

Pairing: Kurt Wagner x GN!Reader // Warnings: None

A/N: My very first X-Men oc was a 'fallen seraph' so your oc really brings me back. I love them, and I'm happy to write this for you. I hope I do a good job, I took some liberty since oc work isn't something I am currently doing, but it will heavily be based on the scenario you gave me. No specific names will be used in this. Also tried a new writing style <3 WC: 2.4k

Deep breath...shit.

You sat up slowly, your eyelids fluttering open as consciousness gradually returned. A deep, pervasive ache radiated through every fiber of your being, accompanied by a disorienting fog that clouded your thoughts. The pulsating pain in your head served as an unwelcome alarm clock, forcing you into full wakefulness. As your senses sharpened, you became acutely aware of your surroundings, taking in every detail with newfound clarity.

An unfamiliar sensation coursed through your veins, a palpable energy that seemed to hum just beneath your skin. This newfound power, a direct result of your celestial descent, both exhilarated and unsettled you. The transformation you had undergone during your otherworldly journey altered you in ways you had yet to fully comprehend, including your physical appearance.

As the initial shock of your awakening began to subside, a single thought crystallized in your mind: Kurt. The overwhelming desire to find him, to see a familiar face in this sea of uncertainty, consumed you. Yet, even as you yearned for his presence, a nagging doubt crept into your thoughts. How would he react to your metamorphosis? Would he recognize you? Accept you? The fear of rejection battled with your need for connection, leaving you torn between seeking him out and retreating into solitude to process your transformation.

You stood on wobbly legs, reminiscent of a newborn fawn taking its first, shaky steps into the world. The sensation coursing through your body was an enigmatic blend of strength and weakness, as if a potent mixture of adrenaline and warm gasoline was flowing through your veins, igniting every nerve ending. You felt hot, your skin almost smoking and emitting waves of warm rays that coated you from the cool night air.

Your physical form had undergone a transformation, taking on what you could only describe as a more... biblical appearance. Though you couldn't discern the exact nature of your new visage, you knew it was likely most who gazed upon you would react with fear.

All you yearned for in this moment was to see Kurt, nothing else mattered. The ordeal you had endured left you craving the comfort only he could provide. You longed for the familiar warmth of his embrace, the gentle strength of his arms encircling you, creating a sanctuary where you could momentarily forget the events that had transpired. Your heart ached for the soothing words he always seemed to know how to offer, his voice a gentle blanket to your frayed nerves and turbulent emotions.

"Kurt..." you whispered softly, your voice barely audible as you set off on your quest to find him. The unfamiliar surroundings did little to deter your determination. Despite having landed in an unknown location, a mysterious force seemed to guide your every step. It was as if an invisible thread connected your heart to his, pulling you gently but insistently in the right direction. Your intuition, honed by years of connection and shared experiences, acted as an unerring compass, leading you through the unfamiliar terrain of the thick forest.

As you navigated, your thoughts drifted to Kurt. You couldn't help but reflect on the unique bond you shared - a connection so profound that it transcended physical distance and the constraints of the ordinary world. He had always been the one person who truly understood you, who held your heart with a tenderness that both comforted and amazed you. He was the first person, first mutant who didn’t try to hurt you. Instead, he approached you like a person, talking and making you feel more at ease despite your first introduction to the team. He made you feel safe.

When you finally reached the mansion, exhaustion had overtaken you. Your body felt like lead, weighing you down with each step. Fatigue clouded your mind, making even the simplest thoughts a struggle. A gnawing hunger twisted in your stomach, reminding you of how long it had been since your last meal. Damn, some of Kurt’s cooking sounded great right about now. The biting cold had seeped into your bones, causing involuntary shivers to run through your frame. All you could think about was the warmth and comfort of Kurt's bed, imagining yourself wrapped in soft blankets, safe from the harsh world outside.

With sheer determination, you willed your leaden legs to keep moving. Each step was a battle against your body's desire to simply collapse where you stood. The mansion loomed before you, almost taunting your weary state. Just a little further, you told yourself, even as your muscles screamed in protest. Finally, your strength gave out.

Unable to take another step, you felt your knees buckle beneath you. The world tilted, and you found yourself falling forward, your hands and knees sinking into the damp, cool grass of the mansion's lawn. The moisture from the ground seeped through your clothes, you swayed and ended up falling over on your side. The world faded to black after that, and you felt all the pain disappear.

When you regained consciousness, your numerous eyes slowly flickering open, you found yourself lying in the sterile environment of the mansion's infirmary. Not the best place to wake up to…it didn’t exactly have a good record in your mind. The stark white ceiling above you gradually came into focus as you blinked away the lingering haziness of unconsciousness. As your vision began to clear, you noticed a blurry blue figure standing nearby, its presence both comforting and familiar.

Your mind, still foggy from whatever ordeal had brought you here, immediately conjured thoughts of Kurt. With a surge of hope, you attempted to speak his name, your voice coming out as little more than a hoarse whisper. However, as you blinked more forcefully, willing your eyes to cooperate and bring the world into sharper focus, the blue blur began to take on a more distinct shape.

As the figure's features became clearer, a wave of disappointment washed over you. The furry blue form standing at your bedside was not the lithe, acrobatic shape of your Nightcrawler, but rather the broader, more imposing silhouette of Beast. You couldn't help but let out a small sigh, your expectations dashed even as you recognized the concern evident in Hank's intelligent eyes.

"There we are, take it easy now...you're okay. Just exhausted and a little weak. Nothing some rest and medicine won't help." Hank noted, his voice gentle and reassuring. He maintained a respectful distance, carefully observing your condition without encroaching on your personal space. His medical expertise was evident in the way he assessed your state, but he was mindful not to overwhelm you with too much attention or proximity. He understood that in your vulnerable state, even well-intentioned gestures might be misinterpreted or cause discomfort. Especially knowing your history with him and the others.

Despite Hank's soothing words and professional demeanor, his voice seemed to fade into the background of your consciousness. Your mind was singularly focused on one person, the one you desperately needed to see. The concern etched on Hank's face barely registered as your thoughts raced, wondering about Kurt's whereabouts and whether he was aware of your current situation. The urgency to connect with him overshadowed everything else, even your own physical discomfort.

"Kurt...I-" you managed to utter, your voice weak but filled with longing and concern.

"He's coming. I promise," Hank interjected quickly, his tone reassuring and firm. He recognized the importance of Kurt's presence in your recovery and sought to alleviate your worry with this simple yet powerful assurance.

The door swung open with a sudden creak, and there he stood, your beloved Kurt, framed in the doorway. His striking yellow eyes were wide with concern, brimming with a mixture of worry and relief as they locked onto your form. Without hesitation, he rushed into the room, his movements urgent and slightly clumsy in his haste. He nearly stumbled over his own feet in his eagerness to reach your bedside, his tail swishing anxiously behind him.

In an instant, he was at your side, his hands enveloping your own, having ripped off his gloves so he could feel you. His grip was gentle yet firm, conveying a multitude of emotions through that simple touch. You could feel the slight tremor in his fingers, his concern ran deep and he looked as though he had seen a ghost, like he believed you died. The warmth of his hands felt nice against the cool, sterile atmosphere of the room, providing a comforting anchor in the otherwise clinical environment.

Kurt's lips parted, and for a moment, he seemed at a loss for words. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, thick with emotion. "L-liebling..." he managed to utter. His gaze never left yours, silently communicating all the things left unsaid between you.

His expression remained steadfast, never wavering for a moment. His eyes meticulously scanned your appearance, taking in every detail with a mixture of confusion and worry etched across his features. However, contrary to your expectations, there was no trace of disgust or fear in his gaze. Instead, his eyes held a depth of emotion that spoke volumes.

"D...Don't...scare me like that..." Kurt finally managed to articulate, his voice barely above a whisper as he swallowed thickly. The words seemed to catch in his throat, as if he was struggling to voice the tumultuous emotions swirling within him. "I was...so afraid I would never see you again. I had no idea where you had gone off to," he continued, his voice cracking slightly with the weight of his confession.

Though his words carried a hint of admonishment, as if he was attempting to scold you for your disappearance, the underlying pain in his voice was unmistakable. The tremor in his voice betrayed the fear he had experienced during your absence, and the palpable relief that washed over him now that you were back in his sight.

"I'm sorry...you're not...afraid?" Your voice quivered with a mixture of disbelief and vulnerability. "Look at me now. I look utterly..." Your words trailed off, unable to find the right descriptor for your current state. A tumultuous blend of emotions washed over you - sadness at your appearance, anger at the situation, and confusion at his unexpected reaction. You had braced yourself for revulsion, for fear, for any number of negative responses.

Yet here he was, his eyes filled with nothing but genuine concern. It defied all your expectations, leaving you feeling both comforted and somehow more exposed. "Why are you so concerned despite my appearance?" you found yourself asking, your tone a blend of wonder and wariness. "I was certain you'd react differently, that you'd recoil or..." You left the sentence unfinished, the possibilities too painful to voice.

But contrary to your fears, he sat there unwavering, his worry for you evident in every line of his face, in the way he leaned towards you as if wanting to offer comfort but unsure if it would be welcome.

"Why would I care about your appearance? I... I mean, yes, you do look different, but that's not what matters," he said, his voice filled with sincerity. He slowly reached up, his three-fingered hand gently caressing your cheek. He allowed his fingers to tenderly trace the contours of your face, memorizing every new detail. A soft, reassuring smile spread across his lips as he gazed into your eyes.

"You're still... you," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. That gentle smile widened slightly, revealing his pointed canines, "The essence of who you are, your spirit, your heart - that hasn't changed. And that's what truly matters to me."

His eyes sparkled with warmth and understanding as he added, "Besides, mein Engel... I'm blue from head to toe and have a tail. Who am I to pass judgment based on appearances? We're both unique in our own ways, and that's what makes us special."

You felt a wave of relief wash over you as that particular stressor dissipated, leaving you with a sense of renewed calm. Kurt remained silent for a moment, his eyes filled with relief that you were okay and compassion as he knew your mental struggles were flaring.

Then, with a gentle voice that carried the weight of his sincerity, he spoke up again, "And whatever else you're grappling with, whatever challenges you're facing... I want you to know that I'm here for you. Not just now, but always. No matter where life takes you, no matter how far you might wander, I'll be here, waiting. You are the beating heart of my existence, the love that gives my life meaning. In me, you will always find a sanctuary, a place of unconditional acceptance and unwavering support. You are my home, and I promise to be yours, forever and always."

"I... I'm at a loss for words. Your reaction is so unexpected, given my altered appearance and... the events that transpired." You murmured, your voice barely above a whisper, thick with emotion. "I love you too, more than I can express. I'm truly sorry for my sudden disappearance. There were...complications I needed to resolve. But now, being back here with you, I'm relieved. Seeing you, seeing how you look at me...nothing has changed, has it?" You let out a sigh of relief, your hand weakly reaching and holding onto his.

"I've missed you. You've always been the one person who could see through my façade, who could truly understand me despite everything. Your acceptance...without any kind of ill thoughts, it means everything to me."

"As do you, liebling...Ich liebe dich. I am here now, you are not alone anymore," he whispered tenderly, his voice a soft caress in the quiet room. With gentle movements, he carefully shifted closer, the bed dipping slightly under his weight as he settled beside you. His arms enveloped you in a warm, comforting embrace, pulling you against his chest with a tenderness that spoke volumes of his affection. This was all you wanted…his arms tenderly holding you. "You've been through so much, mein schatz, but I promise you, those days of loneliness are behind you now. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Let me…"

His lips quirked into a playful smirk, a mischievous glint dancing in his eyes as he added, "Besides, now you have more eyes to gaze into, hm? Twice the charm, wouldn't you say?" His attempt at lightening the mood was met with a gentle swat to his chest, your hand connecting with the soft fabric of his uniform.

"Kurt..." you murmured, a mix of exasperation and fondness coloring your voice. "You absolute dork." Despite your words, a smile tugged at the corners of your lips, betraying the warmth that spread through your chest at his endearing antics.

Thanks for reading.

*BAMF*

dividers by @/adornedwithlight

Cover image: Nightcrawler (2015) # 10 ; Pinterest

[0viraptoraskblog]

heyy i was just wondering what you think how ren would react if someone is js straight up obsessed with him. for example imagine ren after kidnapping mc, being BOMBED with appreciation and love and not minding the fact they straight up got kidnapped lolo i also wondered what ren would do if he found out that mc has witnessed simillar trauma like he did

Sorry I got behind on my ask box, I’ve been pretty busy. Let’s get into it though!

For the first question, I think he’d be pleasantly surprised. When he kidnaps you in BTD2, he’s looking for someone to ‘replace Strade’, (although this time they will be the one in the collar). He seems to already have an idea, or hope, of how it will go. When he shocks you on the first day, he says it’s for ‘training’— if you already show signs that you’re behaving the way he wants, there’s no need to train you.

Ren wants to be the one in charge now, yes, but he also wants a relationship. He convinced himself that what he had with Strade was love, and he wants that again. If you show up showering him in affection, he’d no doubt be surprised; but it makes him so happy! He definitely found the right person. He’d waste no time being affectionate in return, glad to finally have someone who wants him.

He’d grow seriously attached in no time. Having someone return his efforts gives him life. He makes you home cooked meals, making sure to always have your favorites on hand. He buys you things, talks about your interests with you, cuddles you of course. He’ll quickly become just as obsessed as you are :)

It might make him easier on you, too. If you already love him like he wants, that means less or no basement trips, because he has no need to train you.

For the second question, I think it would give the two a deep understanding that Ren doesn’t have with anyone else. Yes, he can share stories from his past, but no one really gets it. Finding someone who’s gone through similar things would make Ren feel a connection towards them.

Finally feeling understood, I don’t think he’d want to let you go. If you just met normally, I’m sure he’d insist on being friends and staying in touch. After all, he’s never had anyone who knows the real pain of what he’s been through.

If you were kidnapped like his normal route though, there are a few ways this could go.

Let’s say everything was going as usual, and then you somehow got on the topic of sharing your traumas. It depends on how Ren is feeling (whether he’s leaning towards a good or bad path). If he was feeling cruel, he might continue with his plans, claiming that you already know what it’s like, so you should have no trouble behaving. He might enjoy having that control, relishing in being in charge for once. If he’s feeling nicer, or even neutral, I think it would awaken something in him. It would bring back the memories that he tried so hard to shove into a box, but for a better reason— you get it. He’d probably be more gentle and patient with you. It’s even possible that he abandons the chains altogether. I think that’s the most likely answer. He craves that feeling of understanding. He shares something with you. How could he repeat that cycle when he sees himself in your eyes?

Ren is a complicated character, because there’s so many different branches his story can go on. These are just the ones that I thought of, I hope I answered ok ^^

[snabie]

When I see another person call Giorno boring I swear-

This guy was left all alone at night when he was two years old - on MANY occasions it seems. The ages between 0 and 4 are crucial for a child’s development. Such upbringing most likely caused him three very early core memories.

I’m not safe, my mother doesn’t care about me, and my feelings don’t matter.

This two year old boy stopped crying for his mom because it was useless, so he just sat there and trembled. He lacked the parental love and safety that every child should have, especially in such early years. Because he never felt truly safe, he became observant. Defensive. Who was going to keep him safe if not himself? He had to learn to watch the world around him in order to protect himself.

Then comes his stepfather who beat him for exactly that. For observing too much. Giorno watched and waited because he never knew whether he was safe or not. And this man made it even worse. On top of emotional neglect came physical abuse, as a reaction of an already present trauma response - which intensified said trauma. Even while being beaten, the now four year old child didn’t cry. Because he knew it was useless and wouldn’t get him anywhere. The beating wouldn’t stop even if he cried. He didn’t even scream, he just yelped. He never talked back. He never fought back. Regardless of what happened to him. Because it didn’t get him anywhere.

At 15 years old, Giorno still hates useless things. He hates repeating himself. Yet, you can tell he has done some healing. Thanks to the friendly gangster he has met in his youth, he has learned that he’s (at least somewhat) worthy of respect. He has learned that trust is possible and that good deeds don’t go unnoticed. As Golden Wind progresses, he trembles at Abbacchio’s death, at the realization that Bruno is already dead, and even sheds tears at Narancia’s death.

But childhood trauma sits deep and can take a lifetime to overcome for some people. For Giorno it’s simply much… safer to keep his emotions hidden. To take things into his own hands, and to act as a safety pillar and a beacon of hope for others because he didn’t have this person when he needed them at his most vulnerable. Very often he takes the role of a quiet, but strong supporter, because that’s what he would have needed the most. That’s what the unnamed gangster was to him in his youth. And yet, the traumatized boy is still an observer. A do-er instead of a feel-er. He definitely feels a lot of things. But feeling isn’t safe. Craving affection, connection, relying on others, it isn’t safe. There is a desire for these things, but perhaps the traumatized part of him still kind of blocks him from forming deeper connections, out of fear.

The little boy in him is still terrified of being alone, abandoned by someone he cared for, and crying out to a void that won’t respond.

[madamspellmans-met-tet]

some ramblings and personal stuff on wlw age gap relationships…

over the years I’ve seen some debate over power imbalances and all and appropriateness. my brain doesn’t function well enough to write an articulate essay but this is my experience.

I think it’s kinda become evident that I’ve been through a lot early on. What this kind of prolonged trauma and being forced to grow up quickly does is that it ages you mentally. At least it did with me. I was never able to form deep attachments to my peers and always ended up with female adult friends. I just instantly click with them. These were all purely intellectual relationships. I was just always able to relate to them more, cared about the same things etc. so the argument that when you have an age gap you aren’t in the same stages of life doesn’t really apply. Because I was over teen drama and angst when I was 11 and this trend continued. Now with my health issues on top I relate a lot more to seniors and share so many more experiences with them than with people my age. I still have friends my age but I tend to not feel as understood because how could they?

The women I’m interested in tend to be 40+ but even there it depends on how emotionally mature they are. Some older women have the maturity of a teenager. And that’s okay, but not for me.

I had one situationship with a woman in her 30s but who also was mentally older due to experiences and then a very happy long term relationship/engagement with another one until life fucked things up for us. And we had an equal power balance if not tipped to my side a little. Because it’s not about age it’s about maturity. Most of the time the age difference wasn’t even noticeable.

Due to the things I’ve been through and am still going through I just don’t care for petty drama and emotional rollercoasters. I’m too tired for that. I just want peace and a relationship full of stability and love that I can feel safe in. Clear and open communication, no mind games, reflection, finding solutions. I don’t do well with people who are passive, unreflected or don’t know what they want in life. Older women tend to have that figured out already, at least those I’m interested in. People my age and even those 10 years older often aren’t there yet.

However, of course I have my preferences, so I do like in the older women I’m attracted to when they’re able to take charge on occasion, especially in a bedroom setting. But I don’t want to be coddled at all times. In fact, when I’m going about my day, am outside the house or with other people I’m quite dominant myself and wouldn’t let anyone control me. But I have my soft, fragile moments, especially when I’m mentally or physically unwell, and that’s where I need someone to recognise this shift and take care of me because I’ve been fighting on my own my whole life and crave to feel safe enough with someone to be able to drop the tough act and let myself be protected and comforted. For some reason, older women tend to see through me quicker and push my buttons the right way to get me into sub space.

all that to say, power imbalances aren’t created through the age difference itself but trough differences in mental and emotional maturity. and if you’re on the same level there, you can have a healthy relationship. some people simply do have a lot more in common with those older than them, been through more shit, and can’t form this kind of connection with peers for this reason.

*obviously all this is about legal ages

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

The Evolution of Passion: Culmination

Decided on a more meaningful steep for this one. Phoenix Rising . calendula, wild cherry bark, green tea, rooibos, rosehips and orange peel.

I got an ask (truncated) from danmeiljie " thoughts about what happens in the woods in act 1, and how he initiates with his partner in the graveyard in act 3, But i was curious if you made any connections to his emotional journey and how that's reflected in these different sex scenes and his role in them."

This is my opinion analysis of the graveyard scene. This one might trigger some people. Please read with caution.

WARNING: Game Spoilers, Topics of Sex, Abuse, and Adult themes/Language. Not underage appropriate.

This is not fact, just opinion based off my own and game experience. As always, how anybody cannons their relationships or behaviors is perfectly right! No blame, no shame, it's your game.!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raise your hand if you died here. And I don't mean just a "little death".

Gods, the level of impact this confession had was intense given his avoidant nature throughout the game. I equate it to that moment when someone says their pet doesn't like anybody and they decide to sit in YOUR lap. Those moments are pure wild magic. And so was this one.

Taking Tav to the graveyard is another planned move. But not to manipulate them. And, in my opinion, not to seduce them either.

Thanks to Tav's help, he is finally free of Cazador, but he wants them to bear witness as he frees himself from one more captor.

"Maybe, but he did take it. There's almost nothing left of the person I was. Just a name on a rock. For nearly two centuries I stalked the streets like a ghost. While the person I was lay here, dead and buried."

Astarion's first victim was someone he never really forgave himself for unwittingly handing over to Cazador to be consumed. Himself.

To me, his grave is a symbolic reference of who he thought he should have / could have been still buried deep within his subconscious. A person he barely remembered, but still grieved for. Lost and decayed under centuries of abuse. Decades of being whatever Cazador said he was. Sad, pathetic, little, owned, nothing. Hollowing him out into the ghost he felt he became.

Some of the worst prisons and punishment's you can imagine, exist within our own minds. The wardens are the echo's of others belief system. The whips are others' opinions of you. The bars are your own acceptance of it.

"I can't be what you want to see in me."

And what a relatable and lamentable ponderance for a lot of us. Who would we be without various trauma painting our minds and bodies in ways that distort our own view of ourselves?

Would we be more social? More trusting? More loving? More loved? More worthy of our own consideration? More successful? More satisfied? More... alive?

" This place reeks of death and I want to feel alive again."

It is a very rare thing to find someone who is willing to walk alongside you during your "Frankenstein" phase of healing. The chaotic mess of putting yourself back together and figuring out how to function in the new arrangement. The emotional scars slowing our motion. The rage fevers , the imposter syndrome infections, the weeping wounds that bleed on those who didn't cause them, the pain that drives us into a self induced isolations.

"Iv always been alone. I don't see why that would change now."

*frowns into cup with deep understanding.*

But for Astarion, Tav came along.

Understanding that when he growled and snapped it was because he was scared. So they were patient.

Understanding that he craved companionship, but was untrusting of it. But they cared anyway.

Understanding that his vampiric nature didn't make him inherently bad. So they trusted him. Objectively stupid as that was.

Understanding that his need to feel powerful and in control of everything was a grasp at never wanting to feel helpless again. So they helped him feel safe.

Understanding that he couldn't see the good in himself through his blinded eyes. So they offered what they saw of him.

"You saw something in me. Someone else I could be."

What is that? If not love.

It is said that we don't actually fall in love with people. We fall in love with who we become within the love they give us. What he wants is not just Tav on the physical level, but to continue feeling alive within the safety of their love for him.

Accepting that he has always been more than what others made him to be, he now has the strength to not only say goodbye to the idea of who he should have been, but also lay to rest the person he created to survive. Giving honor and forgiveness' to that persona, and making way for the birth of the person he wants to become.

The Star of Bethlehem flower (Ornithogalum umbellatum) symbolizes purity, innocence, honesty, hope, and forgiveness. 

HE gets to choose who he becomes going forward. What was done can not be undone, but he can choose what to do with it. What meaning the sacrifice will have. What the knowledge of it does to him. It has always been in his power to transmute that poisonous experience into something different, something powerful. To rise from the proverbial ashes to be born again. He just needed someone to remind him of that fact.

Consider yourself reminded as well dear reader..

This included reclaiming and repurposing his view and use of desire. Thus his proposition.

"with everything that life has to offer."

If you boil it all down to its base essence, sex is an act of life. Not only intended to create life, but also used to heal and offer connection. When used properly, of course. This has been quite lost in modern times. And this reason, to me, is why most SA survivors never fully walk away from sex. The desire for that intended connection is still there. So his seemingly misplaced flirt of "If a night of passion is on offer, I could be persuaded," actually does make sense here.

He is being cheeky, as he is known to be, but he also wants Tav to know that he trusts them and feels good about them desiring him as well. "I could be persuaded" mirrors Tav's "You don't have me yet." line the first night you are together. Its meant to be a bratty but fun flirt. Very "Oh, I would love a night of passion, but do give me all the reasons why you desire me. No seriously, tell me what you love about me. Wait, maybe you should write it all down."

Also, with Cazador stabbed, eviscerated, beheaded, shit on, burnt, and yeeted off the ledge into the abyss, he is safe to desire Tav now. Sex with him no longer equates to a death sentence.

Unlike the first night in the woods, or the second night at the grove party, Astarion and Tav have developed real intimacy (into me see) between each other. There is no need for power plays and theatrics here. No need to be half naked, using his body as a tool of seduction. No need to be grandiose using pick up lines to entice.

Instead he is fully clothed and mirroring Tav in a kneeling position. Symbolizing their equality in this moment. A very humble " I want all that you are." on his lips.

If I had to categorize MY Astarion into a sexual subtype. I see him as Pan: demisexual. The bond he feels with Tav is strong and for a demi, that is very seductive. You love him too and that makes him feel safe, seen and...well...

Aww..that's so sweet. But, why does he push Tav down?

There are various possibilities for this. If Tav rode him to the ground in the woods, it could be a turn about is fair play move. I mean, very fair if you ask me.

Or, it could be a loud and clear demonstration of him proving he is the master of his own desires now. Its straight forward dominant behavior. No games, no posturing. He pushes Tav back as if impatient to have them submit to him. Crawling up their body, caging them in with his arms and giving them full on, raw, naked, unadulterated eye contact. Claiming their mouth eagerly with is own. Spreading them open to him with his knee. Declaring that they are his and he is in want.

His first blood, first love, and first time in his new life.

Mercy...

It was Tav who wanted to wake up next to a handsome virgin every morning. Right? *wink*

Happy chosen birthday my beloved elf.

Now, for you dear reader.

One thing I want you to remember when you start feeling sad or hopeless that Astarion is not real. That there is no Tav out there for you, remember that you are Tav. You loved this damaged mess in all his undead glory. Which means you have the capacity and ability to give that effort, kindness, love and patience to yourself as well. Not having someone does not mean you are unlovable or unworthy. It just means its not time yet. You may still still have quests to complete and dragons to slay. Or maybe you are the dragon? Hoarding riches and eating idiots who venture too far into your domain. Either way, its all part of being alive. Neither good nor bad, until you deem it such. Chose joy when you can.

[darlingdekarios]

soothe this soul.

RATING: mature [canon themes] — LENGTH: 2,976 — Gale x DarkUrge [gn!reader]

CONTENT: hurt/comfort, trauma, set during act I after the goblin camp before adventuring onward, fluff [gentle touching, hand holding], self-harm, Gale talking Durge through big feelings, canon-accurate dark urge memory loss, mentions of corpses/blood, no pronouns used but reader is described as having nails/claws

Gale offers you peace in a moment of darkness.

Quiet is what you needed tonight - you'd decided that hours ago, practically the moment the day had started. Still not managing to get a complete night of sleep and increasingly unable to silence the depraved thoughts in your mind, just an hour beside the water of this camp before the adventure continued on tomorrow would have done you some good.

At least that was the conclusion you'd come to for yourself. Fate seemed to have other plans for your time, however.

Or perhaps it was the will of one singular man.

“I have noticed you often skip over introductions…”

There was something soothing about his voice that even you were not immune too, his gentle nature balancing your violent one like cool waters on a raging flame. If it was going to be anyone interrupting your alone time now, it was befitting to be him, at least. If it had been anyone else, who knows what the consequences could've been.

“Please, not now.”

Your voice was marred with the kind of pain he was familiar with - ever-present, unignorable. Spoken through gritted teeth, your lack of patience was evident in every syllable. He'd never tell you he pitied you, but that didn't make the statement true.

“Forgive my insistence…” his dulcet tone filled your ears like the flow of a river, sustaining and forever. If his words could replace the urges perhaps some of your problems would subside. “But if not now, then when? We can all tell you’re avoiding something. Wyll and I agree that -“

“It is wonderful to hear I am the topic of camp gossip."

“It’s not like that,” you didn't know previously that one human could sound so believable - so honest. Though some of your other companions had taken him hiding his condition as a lie you never had, understanding his reasoning and trusting him through it all. You had no reason not to trust him now. “We care. For you. I care for you a great deal. I see how it…whatever it is…wounds you and festers at your soul each time we are somewhere new.”

“What is your point?”

The defense mechanism like a rose's thorns - if they didn't get close enough they couldn't be hurt, and your sharp demeanor was without a doubt a way of keeping everyone far enough away from you to keep their blood from spilling.

Gale, with increasing insistence of late, seemed determined to feel the softness you could offer too - he could see it in the depths of your eyes, just within his reach. He'd not stop until he earned the chance to be delicate with you.

“That I want to know you,” even now he was so delicate - had anyone ever been so with you before? “That I want to help.”

You could've drowned in the pools of sincerity in his eyes.

It had been hard to hide Alfira, and even harder since not to come clean to Gale - with each passing moment it was increasingly difficult to ignore the new urge that had formed within your being, a new desire that influenced your decisions. You craved something you were almost certain was new - connection - and you yearned for it with him.

Honesty was the first step - in these things, it always was. With Gale, you were fortunate to have seen in the darkness that festered within him when he allowed you a glimpse at the Orb, feeling the familiarity of a deep abyss. Though you were quite certain the darkness within you was much worse, much more primal and instinctual in ways he could never be, it was some comfort that he could look at you like this now - sweating, shaking, and neglecting to give his words a fitting response - and hardly bat an eye.

But how long would that be the case if you opted for complete honesty, and at this point could you even stop it? If allowing him to see into the void was inevitable, why deny what came closer with each tick of a clock?

A deep breath prepared your lungs for speaking truths into the night that you wished to keep buried in the depths of your wretched, dark heart.

“You've heard me introduce myself as The Dark Urge. That is all I can remember of myself. I crave murder and death and…corpses. Piles of my victims bruised and bloody displayed like a museum…crimson pools running warm then cold…"

Your words trailed as you clenched your eyelids tight, your nails beginning to dig into the tops of your thighs, seeking the focus that sharp pain would bring - so deep that blood quickly began to paint the tips of your fingers and your thighs.

You often felt Gale's bravery was to be commended, far more than it was by your companions. He'd never seen combat, never needed to face violence head on and take it for what it was. And yet, despite his inexperience he was still fearless with you, one of his gentle hands reaching out to lightly rest atop your shoulder.

Taken off guard your nails stopped their assault on your own skin, eyes wide as your puzzled face met his - patient, understanding, eyes soft and lips pressed into a thoughtful line as he awaited you to fully return to yourself.

"But though my mind is overrun with voids and seldom dreams up more than pools of blood…I want to be more than that. I think I am more than that…or that I once was, perhaps.”

It felt wrong to speak against the Urges, like you were lying to yourself and pretending to be someone your instincts proved you weren't, but it was the truth - it was you, no matter how deep within you had to pull it from. Gale, no stranger to darkness within and the chasm of emotions it could construct in one's heart, recognized how hard it must be for you to be vulnerable - after all, he had been in that very position merely days ago.

“I think you’re more than that already, despite everything. And if you disagree then we shall work together to make you see yourself the way I do."

Every sentence he spoke was saturated in a promise renewed with each word. You could feel the pull of your eyebrows coming together tighter, an expression that would do nothing to aid the headache that raged within your skull, but the only one your face could settle on as you pondered what you'd done to deserve such a kindness.

If you did even deserve it.

"I’ll help you. Through any urge along the way, say the word and I am at your side."

You remained utterly speechless under the power of his words, your expression still every bit as pained and puzzled than it had been when he first interrupted your time alone. What bravery it took - the same echoed now as his hand covered yours atop one of your thighs, the warmth seeping into you, wrapping you like a blanket during shock.

A quiet sigh passed your lips, defeated and communicating so much more than what your words could. A gentle squeeze to your hand, the softening of his eyes - you'd not be surprised if this was some sort of spell, if you didn't know better.

“I just don’t know how many more people I can introduce myself to this way,” as you finally met his eyes in full he was struck by the sight of tears sparkling in your eyes, the façade abandoned allowing him to hear the shake to your voice as your breathing picked up. “You apologized for your improper introduction, yet it is I who can’t even remember something as fundamental as my name. I know I have one, I can feel the echo of it in my mind…but it's just not there. Or perhaps I was a monster never deserving of one.”

For all of your companions' issues, Gale knew that what you faced was unlike anything any of them could relate to. Being unable to remember something as basic as your name and only experiencing your past in bloody glimpses of wicked memories - there was nothing he could say, so instead he listened.

"And I worry that I will hurt one of you," each word pained you more than the last, each one adding to the risk that he would leave - that he would come to his senses and see you for what you were. He certainly seemed to be trying, judging by the intensity with which he continued to gaze into your eyes. "That I'll hurt…you, Gale. I don't want to hurt you."

Sympathy - feelings of pity or sorrow for someone else's misfortune. You could see it filling his eyes as he squeezed your hand again, moving closer without hesitation so his free hand could raise to your face. He caught a freshly falling tear with his thumb, a delicate touch you recoiled from, your eyes wild with question and panic for a moment before they glazed over, warming under his touch though you remained so frozen you weren't breathing.

Sympathy was joined by patience and hope in his eyes, and he waited, hoping. Unimposing and unintimidating, free of judgment - willing to be so until you gave a sign to be anything otherwise.

A stiff nod was good enough.

His hand cupped your cheek fully, the feeling of your skin against his always enough to bring the softest of smiles to his face, no matter how fleeting it was. Cherishing the new feeling for a moment he did little more than that beyond the gentle stroke of his thumb across your cheek for several moments.

No monster he had read of melted so under the touch of a human - leaning into his touch further, you continued to prove he was right about you.

"We all have monsters inside of us. That doesn't mean it's who we are," admittedly, it was hard for even him to find the right words right now - particularly with his focus on you, the warmth of your skin against his hand, the way your jaw was unclenching and your features calming. A quick glance confirmed you no longer clutched your leg, and for a moment your hands were not shaking - because of him. "And it's not who I think you are. No matter what your name is, no matter who you once were: I see you."

A sentiment echoed in your mind - had you ever been cared for like this? Whatever the truth to that question was, you could feel how addicting it could be to be soothed by him.

“You must be tired,” it was a lazy - and obvious - interruption, a distraction from falling much further into his delicate grasp, parts of your mind still fighting against vulnerability, an instinct that had probably always been within you not to trust trying to set you on edge again. “I don’t want to keep you from rest.”

If he was aware of the hint you dropped in trying to return yourself to solitude, he opted to ignore it - not out of disrespect for your wishes but in hope you'd change your mind, hoping his presence could offer an enticing alternative.

If offering his presence to you would bring you any amount of comfort, he had to try. If it meant he'd have to bashfully ask Shadowheart for healing before sleep found him - so be it.

“Your company is well worth a little less sleep,” he desperately hoped you wouldn't mind that he was trying to lighten the mood - when your features curled into the slightest smile, he decided it was actually what you needed. Whatever you needed of him, whenever you needed it. How funny his very soul had adopted that new mantra so fast. “Or a lot, depending on the evening’s activities. I'd be grateful to enjoy your company a while longer, if mine isn't unwanted."

Your smile spread a bit more, cheeks heating up over his flirtations, your heart fluttering faster in your chest as you avoided his gaze briefly, taking the steady breath your lungs had been begging for, repeating it once more for measure. He matched the second with you - just another way to show he was here with you, supporting you.

Even still, you could only nod your response for fear of the words that may leave your mouth if you opened it.

The thing about Gale - the thing that made it more near impossible with each day he displayed it - was that as much as he loved to tell you what he could offer you he loved to show you even more, even if it meant sitting in complete silence for the next couple of hours. The time passed calmly with him beside you like this, offering you a pillar of strength to lean yourself upon in both a figurative and literal sense, his warm hold irresistible.

He accepted you leaning your head against his shoulder as quietly as you offered it, wordlessly deepening the embrace by wrapping an arm around you. If that was all that was offered you'd not hear a complaint from him, the gentle affection more than enough to fill his stomach with butterflies and heart with what he hesitated to call love.

When one of your hands lifted to rest on his thigh, the hesitation was gone. Love - at its most basic definition, an intense feeling of deep affection. How could he even attempt to describe the way he felt toward you with any other word, not yet finding one in the many books throughout his life that would describe the feeling nestled in his chest as sufficiently.

The sun sparkling against the water turned to stars dancing across its surface instead, the noise of your companions behind you fading as what was clearly hours passed. Your eyes had been closed for a while now, so long that you didn't notice - or at least didn't move - when Wyll had approached with food, unknowing that Gale silently waved him off.

There would be food in the morning, his stomach could wait if that was the sacrifice for your comfort. Comfort which he hated to disrupt - though after a while, the hard ground was far too unkind to his aching joints.

"Are you ready to try for some rest?"

Your eyes opened and you twisted your head to look behind you, at the very companions who were now settling onto their own bedrolls or into their tents for the night. Even in the dim light he could see the trepidation in your face, sense the tension thickening the air around you again.

How desperately he wished to resolve it, offering the only solution his heart could think of before his mind could catch up.

"Perhaps alone tonight…in my tent, beside me?"

The Wizard of Waterdeep blushed the moment the proposition left his mouth, and you'd fallen for him all over again. You nodded, and in that moment gave him everything he needed as a thank you from you.

You were both exhausted, so the motions of returning to Gale's tent blurred together - he stood first, offering his hand to you and pulling you to your feet, hand staying in yours as you walked through camp. He shot Astarion a look of warning when the Pale Elf raised his eyebrow when you walked past, entering Gale's tent without a word.

Explanations would certainly be expected in the morning, a fact made clear by the vampire's expression as Gale collected your bedroll before joining you in the solitude of his tent, closing the flap to separate the two of you for a while. Soon enough, you'd both found what felt at least a little like a word that made you both feel sick for profoundly different reasons - home - as you lay beside one another.

It was a longing gaze - you were desperate to hold his eyes in the hopes you'd see them tonight in your dreams rather than debauched things you hoped weren't memories, while he was desperate to memorize your face as he remained ever-aware of the looming apocalypse in his own chest.

A pair of your hands met between your bodies, his resting atop yours, calming the subtle and ever-present shake. Thumb brushing against your knuckles, he lulled you back into a subdued state, happily indulging you when you asked him to tell you a bedtime story from Waterdeep.

Though he spoke, he was the one to drift off first, blissfully so beside you. No matter how safe it felt to be beside Gale, no matter how much warmth filled every bone in your body - sleep would still avoid you for a while yet, and you'd be left with your thoughts and his sleeping form.

As the night continued to grow darker, as would your heart — if you even had one — and mind. It was dangerous to tempt nature like this, a steak dangled on a stick before a wolf. He would make the prettiest corpse - his own blood would paint his skin like the fine canvas it was and you'd view it as the exhibit it was, art in a museum entirely curated for you. How beautiful he would look, how sublime, how utterly delicious…

Ultimately, the urge to see him lying beneath you as a beautiful, wide-eyed body was quieter than the urge to see his eyes honey in the fire and the tousle of his morning hair as he passed you breakfast, expression eager to see your reaction to a meal prepared by him. You'd sooner remove your own hands before you used them to hurt him.

Seeing his chest rise and fall as he slept tonight and hearing the ring of his laughter tomorrow was worth far more than anything your sick mind tried to force you to see.

masterlist. baldur's gate III masterlist.

[bright-side20]

Azriel is someone who is deeply haunted by his past. He experienced severe traumas and went through a period where he fell into a deep, cold, and isolated emotional state. To cope with his past traumas, he distanced himself from feelings and connections. This emotional numbness made it difficult for him to open up and connect with others.

He built an ice wall around himself, believed that he was unworthy of love, and hid his true self behind the Shadowsinger and Spymaster reputation. He rarely showed who he truly was. Until Elain, the sunshine girly, came and started melting that ice wall. She allowed him to be himself from their first meeting when he spouted poetry in response to her simple question. She saw him for who he really was and didn't judge him for the shadows or his job. Even her gifts for him weren't related to the warrior, they were related to his well-being, telling him, I see you, I care for you. With her, he was able to be the gentle, loving, and caring male he is. He could effortlessly drop his shields and always be his true self around her. She is the sense of coziness, normality, and acceptance he needs and craves in his life, and that's exactly why he fell in love with her. That's why he thinks that the Cauldron is wrong, because he feels that she is his soulmate. He was able to emotionally connect with her to the point that he had to change the house because he knew if he kept meeting her, he would act on his emotions and defy the laws and fate to be with her.

This also explains his inner conflict about her. He thinks that he's unworthy of her and that when she learns about his past and what he does in his job, her feelings for him might change. But Elain has spent her life being judged based on her appearance and hobbies, not her essence. So, she relates to and understands Azriel's desire to be seen and loved for who he truly is.

Elain is capable of accepting him for who he is and giving him the unconditional love he needs because what she cares for is the male who saw her, listened to her, and understood her when no one else did. The male who risked his life to save her, trusted her with his precious dagger, respected her efforts in preparing and serving food, and stayed up late listening to her talk about her hobby. Elain experienced the process of falling in love with Azriel, which is what she wants and values more than any preordained bond.

Elain and Azriel are simply compatible. They can live in the middle of chaos and still create a comfortable, loving environment for each other. They see each other; they can be home for each other.