#and totally works out for me everytime

[selfshippinglover]

Vent ignore

[galactaknightyaoi]

When I first got into Kirby, I didn't expect to like, actually get into it. I thought it'd be like any other hyperfixation I'd had up to that point, that it would go away within a few months and I'd never think about it again.

Given I was so deeply in denial, I didn't care about being fully accurate and had some stuff that was really goofy and/or underdeveloped and unexplained. Stuff I'd made up to just work for the limited time I would be there.

Still, I came up with a few headcanons that I got attached to, and when I started realizing this was here to stay, I still chose to be stubborn and had to work backwards to keep these stupid headcanons, but adapt them into something a bit more fitting and polished.

It led to some cool stuff, like for example, my orbs aren't very magical, this was something I had settled on early on. But after I got invested, I had to think about what that actually meant and the implications of it like, how can they do this without magic? And what about that? What about this canon thing, how do I explain it?

I found decent enough explanations for all of these. But as a result of my unserious beginnings and continued stubborness, now I get really embarrassed at the time to actually talk about my headcanons and the stuff I've come up with.

Because what do you mean your Galacta Knight is half-dragon?

[causenessus]

he's so pretty

[baaad-omens]

now don't get me wrong i love fanart of jon with the fabulous outfits lots of accessories and long luscious hair as much as the next tma fan but the jon in my brain is far too pathetic for anything but years old stained and torn up jeans. and hair that hasn't been cut in years and looks like it hasn't been washed in about as much time. i enjoy the vision though

[love-fireflysong]

You guys should be SO proud of me right now. This is officially day 3 of me walking down to the river to do some writing and I've been getting so much writing done 😤

[pulluppuddles]

i actually love being 25 and feeling confident in my opinions and not worried about numbers anymore which is funny because this is also my most popular account yet and 18 yo me would be pouting so hard 😂 anyway im glad that i could create content that people enjoy as surprisingly as it is to me and im glad that im trying to make kink friends again 🥺👉🏻👈🏻💕

[quarantineddreamer]

shoutout to the Andor soundtrack for helping me through my first solo injection on the new (far more painful) med 🧡

[randomcollection-o-stuff]

Listening to Nero's Day at Disneyland to calm down ::)

[bloodyarson]

not to derail but i think the reason why american english is so easy to learn and to speak for a lot of people is exactly because correct enunciation doesn't matter one bit really. as long as you make a noise that has the right vowels and kinda similar consonants people will understand what you're saying 90% of the time. and so i think, other than imperialism of course, this is one of the reasons why english is everyone in the world's "common tongue" now. even with a really thick accent english is still understandable, way more than most other majorly spoken languages. i mean, just fucking take a listen to french! or don't actually unless you want your ears to start bleeding.

so yeah in conclusion i think the reason why english is the language everyone learns and communicates in is because of this specific lack of a need to properly pronounce things, making it so much easier than most other languages for non native speakers. :)

americans be like i’m looking at myself in the meer

[yameoto]

college fuckgirl!caitlyn hcs (+ basketball star) who is totally whipped for u and doesn’t know what the hell to do about it

fuckgirl!caitlyn, hardtoget!reader, sub!caitlyn, for once not pure jerkoff material, she likessssss you.

▸ not the notches in her bedposts type; caitlyn doesn’t brag about her conquests. she’s classy like that. she does strut about the halls, exuding a casual sort of elegance that has girls falling over their feet. remembers all their names. grasping her solo cup between slim fingers like a wine glass and smiling over the rim. cryptic and beautiful and so utterly entrancing that she’ll have girls’ who were cursing her name two moments ago bent over the bathroom sink, with just a drawl of their name, followed by a “right?”, even if they know they’ll be discarded like yesterday’s trash.

▸ excellent in bed. obviously. charm isn’t everything. she also has a talented tongue and fingers and the stretch of her cock. priorities the girls’ pleasure because good manners have been beaten into her since she was born and she likes the way it feels to fuck into a pussy sopping in cum, gliding in the silky trenches of fiercely clenching folds as they scramble into the sheets and moan her name, fucking the nerves out of them.

▸ and then; you. she wants to fuck you so bad it’s driving her insane. caitlyn doesn’t brag. she doesn’t have sex for the sake of having sex. she just does—often. and she does it well—which has had her gain a teensy-tiny reputation for it. that doesn’t mean she’s a complete ass! doesn’t know why you hold it against her. she’s not some meathead jock trying to get her dick wet. she’s the star of the team, top of (most) of her classes, and shoe-in for valedictorian. plus, she’s rich. and pretty. and just—totally fuckworthy. everyone knows it!

▸ decorated basketball player. plays shooting guard like she was born for it; all lean limbs and sinew as she glides about the court like a koi fish in the water. oh, and she’s a show-off, too. avoids saying corny shit like “this is for you,” even if she really, really wants to—but when she spins on the court and hurls a three-pointer—and her eyes flick up right to you in the stands, intense and focused. that’s when she mouths. “that was for you.”

(jogs up to you afterwards, sweat dripping off her brow and down the long stretch of her neck, as she airs out her jersey with that cockily arched brow. can’t resist the grin on her face. 21 points to her name—meeting your eyes everytime. it falls at the unimpressed look on your face.

“you had to wait til’ after you made the shot?”

“well, i’m not gonna dedicate a losing shot to you. that’s lame.”

“you are lame.”

“objectively untrue.” caitlyn frowns, ball still curled under her arm as she paces after you, as you stride off the bleachers, and if there’s a little whine in her voice there isn’t. “you know, there isn’t a girl on this college who wouldn’t be dying to get under me.” she says it so matter-of-fact, in that irritatingly attractive accent of hers, and even though it’s true it doesn’t make her sound any less like an asshole.

“i wonder why.”

“darling.” whiney, whiney, whiney.

“dickhead.” and if you sound just a little smug that you have caitlyn kiramman wrapped around your finger, that’s just for you to know.)

▸ caitlyn just doesn’t get it. how can you possibly not like her? or at least find her attractive enough to at least want her a little bit. she certainly wants you. she’s at a loss. usually, a bat of her lashes, a whisper of her name is enough to get anyone’s legs splayed wide open for her. when you don’t, she has no fucking clue how to work you. starts lingering just a few desks from you at the library, to catch glimpses of you studying (and yeah? caitlyn looks a little cute like that; glasses perched on the tip of her nose as her brows furrowed in concentration, tongue poking out as she thinks about the pretty lilt of your jaw whenever you fix her with that im-so-sick-of-you look.. the way your arm muscles stretch behind your head when you yawn like a cat arching it’s back up for a scratch.. the way your voice sounds a touch raspy whenever you’ve been staying up super late studying and grant her the mercy of your husky, velvet undertones telling her to fuck right off… has to release a deep, long, wistful sigh just thinking about it)

▸ it goes on like that, for what feels like forever. caitlyn niggling her way into your day-to-day life as you begrudgingly entertain her. following you around like a lost puppy to the point where it starts rumours.

(she’s been sitting three seats away from you on the table for the past half-hour. sneaking glances every so often as she rereads the same paragraph over and over again, before she clears her throat and asks, chin held high. “so.. what’d you get in that test?”

shit. did her voice just crack?

the so-called legendary mystique of caitlyn kiramman really wears off when you realise how hopelessly awkward she can be.

you take pity on her, lips quirking as your gaze slides to meet hers, exasperated. yet, you answer her anyways. “92%.”

she hums, fingers drumming against the table. “uh—nice.” oh. now she’s blushing. you can also tell it’s taking everything in her not to let her own 100% bubble up and out of her lips, because she doesn’t want you to think she’s conceited. you know she’s totally itching to say it, though. wants you to know. it’s almost cute.

a sigh. you move the bag off the seat next to you. “c’mere.”

caitlyn’s head snaps up, and her eyes are really so very beautiful, all wide and starry in disbelief. “what?”

“hurry up, superstar. don’t make me regret it.”

caitlyn straightens, and then hurries to take the spot beside you, cheeks burning. she squirms a little in her seat, and the gleam of amusement only makes her want the ground to swallow up because god, she’s never acted like this with anyone. she’s caitlyn kiramman! cool, composed, collected; an energy that takes up the most space in the room, makes girls’ knees buckle, has boys stammering with just a smile. and yet, you have her melting in a puddle with the barest glimpse of your attention.

..fine. maybe she doesn’t just want to fuck you.

"don't piss your pants, kiramman." you say, without missing a beat, pen still scrawling away notes. "i don't bite."

caitlyn splutters for a response, and.. hey! that's her line!

oh. she’s so, so screwed).

fuckgirl!basketball!cait (record-time) blowjob

[bbrattywise]

SEEKING VALIDATION FROM THE 3D IS SOOOOO LAST SEASON

HEAR YE! HEAR YE! ladies & gents, boys, gals & non-binary pals, i present to you another post brought by urs truly, @bbrattywise : this post was ib: this reddit story

anywho, intros done, let's cut straight to the chase, i think the reason why most ppl struggle with validating themselves from the imagination is we're scared its "lying to ourselves" & its "being delusional" *red buzzer to both answers because those are FAR from right!!*

1) the imagination is REAL, realer than this reality in a sense that whatever u persist in the imagination will quite litreally materialise into ur 3D (because thats litreally how the law of assumption works. You assume in ur imagination/4D and it materialises into the 3D, ya get me??) So no matter what, ur dominant thoughts/assumptions (a.k.a ur dominant thoughts u persisted in ur imagination whether thats being tiktok famous or having ur dream yacht) have no choice but the manifest into the 3D.

2) u not feeling happiness/any sort of positive emotions when visualising/imagining living in end w/ ur desire ≠ it being fake. Because obviously, u having something = u being quite used to it so ofc u are not gonna feel all giddy everytime u think about it. Thats totally normal!! that is the same principle for experiencing "negative emotions". You experiencing any sort of emotion doesn't change the fact that you ALREADY HAVE ur desires in ur imagination, so chillax buttercup! you are not doing anything 'wrong'.

3)"but how do i imagine having my desires?" pls dont overcomplicate yall, i swear its as easy to do as it is to say. Basically pick what u want & acknowledge it being in ur imagination. For example, whenever i be stressing about the 3D i be like "oh yea, i already have it in the imagination which is my true reality" and go about my day. Its as easy as thinking, think as u already have it (because that is quite litreally the case). As Neville Goddard says "creation is finished" which i love falling back to whenever i am in doubt because once you've imagined ur desire, thats it. Thats all you gotta do.

4) find ways to make ur imagination ur fun place. When i started utilising the imagination, i was like "huh, wdym i can litreally imagine WHATEVER?!!" lemme tell u, the imagination is limitless!! It's like playing sims 4 without the restrictions put in place by the developers. You make DA MF RULESSSSSS!! Wanna visualise owning a pet dragon?? the sky's the limit!! its so fun picking things & living out ur imagination knowing that it materialises into the 3D regardless <3

the law of assumption (though a mundane, universal law) is such a beautiful thing to be aware of so utilise this information. Don't dwell in old circumstance because you're scared of change. Trust me, take this leap of faith and really have fun with the law of assumption. After all, its practically a life cheatcode, might aswell use it, right?

divider creds:

[ghwosty]

Sooo. I made Chris Cornell in the sims, does anyone wanna see?

Not waiting for an answer

him

[foxika]

the amount of damage the final panels from this page have done to the clone side of tumblr fandom

So question..how the fuck are the clones not Mandalorian when Boba is? When Jango is? Or did Disney decide that they aren’t anymore (Jango and Boba)?

I thought they had made Jango Mandalorian and then took it away and then brought him back in. So wouldn’t the clones, who hold his DNA be Mandalorian?

If Boba is Mandalorian, the others should be also.

Wait! Does this mean Jaster isn’t Mandalorian either?

[atrirose]

⠀⠀⠀ ONLY FOR YOU ε🪴⁺ you making them flustered

synopsis : things you do that makes them flustered

ft . bf ! enha x f ! r cw. kissing, skinship .. sfw, fluff ✶ wc. 1k ◜ ◝ seiu : hope you enjoy ^^ its the enha pov of my pervious post that ik i did long back but its alright.

HEESEUNG

his hearts melt when you reassure him, tell him you are proud of him or compliment him, he is a sucker for it, could be any moment and he would just turn into a puddle for it.

he looked at you in disbelief as you emptied his portion of cake that he baked “yn, that was mine you already had yours” he pout, on the verge of tears “baby you baked so good it was so yummy i couldn’t control myself sorry but you are such a great cook” if he had a tail it would have been wagging right now “you think so? oh my okay you know what i will make more for you, im glad you liked it” he rubbed his cheeks on yours , while you celebrated escaping that.

“i’m proud of you hee” you plop yourself next to him as he put his head down on your lap “you did great out there” after a long day work these words are his favorite to hear, it makes it all worth it. he looks at you big eyed

“you make everything fade into the background”

JAY

pda and sweet or flirty messages always gets him smiling, though jay likes to keep it nonchalant and cool on the exterior but if you hold his hand or kiss his cheek in the public his ears will turn read despite his best efforts to stay cool “we are in public my love” he whispers “so what” you smile.

also giggles when you text him, tries his best to not show or answer your text in a fraction of a second and focus on his work but he fails miserably everytime “today was so tiring, i want to stay home with you always” collapses on you, hugging you tight “and you are a meanie too, teasing me like that” you giggled at his whiny voice “you can always come home jay”

“i could spend a lifetime just watching you.”

JAKE

being centre of attention by you, he loves attention but from you only, it makes him giddy “then this step was a little difficult but i worked hard on it, so i guess im good now, maybe?” you were doing your work but jake bust in to show his new dance to you so of course you had to give up everything and watch him “it’s really clean jake you did a great job” you got up from the sofa and pecked his cheek.

his whole face got red, not like you haven’t kissed his cheek before but nothing gets him like you sweet compliments and your dreamy eyes giving him 100 percent of your attention, even if he is trying to pull something stupid.

“i must be dreaming because there's no way you're real.”

SUNGHOON

wearing clothes he picked out, sunghoon takes pride in knowing his girl better than anyone, no surprise he picks up on your dislikes and likes, he tries his best to style something that makes you feel like the most beautiful “i was out yesterday and i thought this white dress would look great on but then i saw this necklace and then i thought its the prefect match so here” he smiles,“thank you so much i love these kind of dresses you know me so well” you hug him, inner him is jumping and rolling.

“i’m ready hoon let’s go” he turns back to see you wearing the dress he bought you “oh my goodness, how can you look so beautiful effortlessly” you giggle at his compliments, he is a gone case, a loser if you may, for you. totally smitten and starstruck.

“how am I supposed to look at anything else after seeing you like this?”

SUNOO

loves handmade gift, it gets his heart racing, he feels the most special when you sit to crochet after learning it online, even though the heart bag looks more like a square he would accept it lovingly, in fact he is the most happiest you would ever see him, he would be seen with that bag at every given moment “i love it no please” he said as you tried to take back the bag “but it’s embarrassing sunoo” , he is the type to have all your handmade cards and notes stacked in a box, polaroids of you and him, all your favorite memories to look back to.

“anything you make for me is never embarrassing, i will treasure everything with my whole heart”

JUNGWON

making direct eye contact or looking at him heart eyes when he is talking, nothing gets him all blushing mess, ears red, hiding his face like you do, you always look at him lovingly, humming and nodding, listening carefully. randomly touching his cheeks or tucking his hair behind his ears, gracing his ears “go on hun”

“no” he said burying his head in his hands, all flustered and red “why not” you giggled “because you are teasing me” he huffed glaring at you “stop playing yn”

“sorry won you just look so beautiful when you talk” you bite his cheeks “ow meanie” — “what were you going to say”

“you are so stunning i forgot what i was going to say”

RIKI

pulling him by his tie to kiss him , him being tall is extra fun when he can tease you when you try to kiss him “riki please” you tip toe to reach his lips only for him to smirk and not help you “please what yn?” you pout at his smug face boasting his height “bend down” you pulled on his tie which caught him off guard, your lips smacked on his.

his hands snaked around your waist to pull you closer him, your body flushed with his, your hands still gripping his tie “you can really make anything possible huh?” he giggled , cheeks red “you can let my tie go now” he tired to free his tie trying to hide the fact his heart is beating so fast “now you get how it feels to me teased” his hands still on your waist, he kissed your cheeks.

“how did i get so luck to be with someone like you”

[xnalux]

streamer!vi hcs

part 2 part 3

my first time writing hcs so

warnings: none, fem!reader

pictures are from pinterest and they're not mine

streamervi: her streamer name is @/vistandsforviolence

streamervi: her rooms is a fucking mess, the walls are filled with mishmash of posters, stickers and colorful doodles jinx drawn on the wall herself. The floor is a sea of tangled cables, snaking around piles of discarded energy drink cans, scattered notebooks filled with doodles and half-written to-do lists. Her bed is a disheveled mountain of blankets and pillows with one corner serving as a laundry basket for her favorite band tees and worn-out jeans. It 100% stinks in there.

streamervi: set up is even worse, her streaming equipment is scattered across every available surface: a webcam held together by duct tape and hope, a ring light that flickers with an eerie glow, and a microphone that's seen better days. The desk is a minefield of controllers, half-eaten snacks, and sticky notes with hastily scribbled gaming strategies.

streamervi: has the wors wifii, she would probably stream better from a cave in the middle of nowhere.

streamervi: if jinx is home when she is streaming, everytime vi leaves the stream to go to the bathroom or get some snacks, jinx run in her room and takes her place ''hello guys it's jinx again, the cooler sister here to reveal all the dark secrets of vi'' and it would end up with vi wrestling a screaming jinx out of her room ''SHE WET HER BED TILL MIDDLE SCHOOL''

streamervi: she plays dark souls sice she started streaming ad still hasn't finished it (probably destroyed 25 controllers playing it). Everytime she dies, which happens more often than she'd like to admit, she slams the controller down on the desk screaming ''I'm done with this shit man'' but dives back in the game thirthy seconds later with a "alright, Dark Souls, you think you've seen anger? you ain't seen nothin' yet!"

streamervi: she totally cried all her tears playing the last of us and has a crush on ellie always making comments throughout the gameplay ''man she is so hot'' ''look at those arms'' ''if she is not ellie i don't want her''. She giggled watching the dina and ellie couch scene ''get that girl ellie!'' and a second after when she got in a chasing part of the game she bacame an anxious mess ''i want to go back to banging on the couch, i want to go back to banging on the couch''

streamervi: hates horror games but the chat is always requesting them because her reaction are hilarious. Everytime she plays an horror game her hands get sweaty and she secretly lowers her headphones's volume because the soundtrack makes he anxious. She suddendly start reading the chat every two second just for an excuse to pause the game and end up bickering with them

@pinksmasherz ''guys she is scared shitless, she alredy paused 10 time and it's only been 15 minutes lmao''

''you know who was scared? your mom when she gave birth to you'' before literally jumping from her seat ten seconds after and close the game.

streamervi: totally posts thirst traps in her ig stories and brags about the numbers of girls who liked it during her streams. She shows the pictures to the chat and smirks ''bet you losers want to be me so bad''

@sapphicnightmare: ''delulu is the solulu''

@zaunfinest: ''bet she never had a girlfriend in her entire life #vstandsforvirgin''

@getjinxed: ''I'm her sister and i can confirm she is a loser and a virgin #vstandsforvirgin

''Powder get the fuck out of my stream or I'll tell vander you blew up the mcrowave again''

@getjinxed: ''#worstvirginsister

streamervi: who totally has a crush on you since you two got matched up playing valorant. vi was being her usual self, she started talking a mile a minute and cursing at the enemy team as she got more and more worked up. you found her endering so when she complimented you about a skilled heal ''Nice one!" you decied to turn on your mic ''thanks'' she suddendly got into gay panic as she heard your voice and ended up dying

Her chat went wild

@piltiegoth: "very smooth"

@Ekk0:"Looks like she's finally found someone who can shut her up!"

@zaunfinest: "she is totally blushing, what a loser"

@getjinxed: ''#vstandsforvirgin''

''not that hashtag again''

streamervi: who silently sends you a friend request as the game ended. You became a constant in her lives, she always askied you if you were up for a game together even tho her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink, visible even through the webcam's glow every time you said something and she stumbled over her words, calling you "dude" one second and then switching to "bro" the next, as if trying to find the perfect term of endearment.

streamervi: when you two finally exchanged ig she was having dinner with powder and vander and almost choked staring at your picture. powder peeked to her screen from where she was seated next to her.

''who is @pixelprincess? wait isn't she that girl you always play valorant with during your streams? the one you've got a crush on?''

powder asked her munching over a chicked wing as vi got red faced

''i don't have a crush on her''

vi said but the words came out high pitched and totally fake

''yeah right, you always try to act cool when she is playing with you lowering your voice and shit, loser''

powder snikered as vi just got even more red and glared at her

''she is totally out of your league sis''

streamervi: who after months of pining after you (even the chat was tired of her loser crush on you) and powder threatening to reveal her baby naked pictures on the internet, finally asked you on a date. you met in a cafe downtown, she was so nervous she ended up talking the whole time and spilling her coffe all over the table. By the end of it she was sure you were going to block her as soon as you got home and never talk to her again. After she insisted to walk you home and you were standing in front of your home she took a deep breath.

''Listen I'm so sorry about the coffee. And the talking. And just… everything. I promise i'm usually not such a mess but i'll understand if you if you'll never want to see me again...''

she started rambling and only shut herself up when you planted a quick kiss in the middle of her cheek

''I liked it''

you smiled at her as her cheeks flushed and she brought a hand over the skin you just brushed with your lips.

''you liked it''

vi repeated as she stood stunned watching you nod your head, your pretty smile never leaving your face. And in that moment she knew she was a goner

streamervi: who the night after she kissed you for the first time, not a kiss on the cheek, not a peck but a proper kiss turned on her stream still high on dopamin from your date just to scream

''LESBIAN WON AGAIN!''

as she stood in front of her screen with her fist raised in the air and a stupid grin on her face.

''are u hearing this guys? sorry to break the news like this but i'm oficcially off the market ladies''

@sevikunt: ''she probably kidnapped her''

@viktorious: ''trolling''

@chadjayce: ''I refuse to live in a world where she actually get laid and i'm still single''

@pixelprincess: cute ♡

@getjinxed: FUCKING FINALLY

vi was staring at your message in the chat with a stupid lovesick grin on her face

@getjinxed: oh no she is even worse than before

[moody-alcoholic]

On a Wing and a Prayer

Part 3 - The First 24 Hours

This 'short' dribble is getting out of control. Also reader is a medic now... I have a thing for medical dramas.. CW: PTSD, mental health, panic attacks, little bit of comfort.

Previous parts - masterlist - next

You don’t want to stay in the med-bay. You want to get out of the sterile room to somewhere you feel comfortable. Which is hard to find while you’re still stuck on a base. You go to your room trying to ignore and avoid as many people as you can. 

You catch people whispering out the corner of your eyes, there’s probably not been anything this interesting happening in months. It’s not everyday special forces turn on one of their own, it’s not everyday they torture one of their own. 

You make it back to your room. It’s just the way you left it. Now it feels empty. 

There would be times when you would come back from a long day of training to find Simon laid on your bed with a cigarette between his lips, or Johnny sitting crossed legged with a book ready to talk your ear off about his day. 

That’s never going to happen again, you never want them in your space again. When you make it over to the bed you see a letter with your name on it. You recognise the handwriting it’s John’s. You don’t want to open it, your eyes go to the trash bin in the corner of your room. That's the only place it belongs. 

Your curiosity gets the better of you though. 

You sit down picking it up, your hands shaking, you’re holding your breath as you open it. You don’t even make it past the first line of the word vomit apology before you don’t want to read it any more. There is no use in them trying to reconcile with you. You fold it closed. Simon’s lighter is still there on the crate you turned into a bedside table. You pick it up, it makes you mad. 

You hate them, you hate what they put you through. You thought they loved you. You thought they would be on your side believing everything you said. Instead they hurt you, over and over for days. You found out from Kyle it had been 4 days. It felt longer. 

You bring the lighter up to the letter and set it on fire. You hold it in your hand watching as the flames disintegrate it into nothing. You drop it on the floor when it's about to reach your fingers and stamp it out. The knock at your door makes you jump. Your heart is pounding in your chest. 

“It’s me.” Kyle calls. You walk over opening it. He smiles at you but you don’t smile back. 

“He’s awake. He’s asking for you.” Kyle says. You let out a sigh of relief. He made it, thank god he made it. You follow Kyle in silence back to the med-bay. You walk past the room you slept in last night. Well slept wasn’t really the right word. Everytime you close your eyes, you're back in that room, with the snakes and the water. Two hours you think you go in total, spent the rest of the night having panic attacks until a nurse found you sobbing in a corner. 

The doctor wants you to speak to a psychiatrist. ‘Yeah? So I can be discharged? I want to work.’ That was met with sighs and a prescription for sleeping pills. Kyle stops just outside Johnny’s room. He turns to you and sighs.

“John and Simon are already here.” He says, it makes your stomach twist. You haven’t seen them since you left the room. You don’t want to see them, but you want to see Johnny. 

“It’s okay.” You lie. Kyle sighs again, you can tell by the expression on his face he’s sorry. 

“They don’t want to tell Johnny about what happened. They’re worried it will upset him. He’s only just woke up, the doctors want to give him a few days. Make sure he’s stable.”  

“Is that the doctor's decision on John’s?” You snap. You’re mad, you don’t want to lie to Johnny. Kyle doesn’t answer, instead he presses his lips together running his hand over his head. You sigh looking into the room, you can see John and Simon stood by the bed blocking your view of Johnny. 

It doesn’t matter who said it, they're right. Johnny needs rest, he needs to recover, he’s been in a coma for almost a week any stress could be dangerous. 

“I won’t say anything.” You say letting out a breath. Kyle smiles and reaches forward to grab your hand. You move it away so he can’t crossing your arms instead. You have to calm down or it’s going to be harder than it already is. 

Kyle walks in the room and you follow after. You try not to look at them but you can’t help it. Luckily Johnny pulls your attention away.

“Where have you been hiding lass? I thought you'd never leave my side!” He calls as you make it round to the other side of the bed and hug him. He groans in pain as he leans forward. You hope he can’t feel how hard your heart is beating. 

 “We were worried, for a while it looked like you weren't going to make it.” Kyle says as you break away from the hug. 

“Pff, not when I have the best medic in the world looking after me.” He says winking at you and grabbing your hand. You squeeze it tight and force a smile at him. It feels unnatural, it feels wrong, everything about this feels wrong. 

“What happened?” He asks suddenly, his eyes creasing together, his face going dark. You’re holding your breath, it feels like everyone in the room is holding their breath. He holds your hand up. You still have the hospital tag on. Shit. Panic rises in you. You don’t know what to do. You open your mouth to speak but words don’t come out.

“She hit her head.” Kyle says. You let out a sigh of relief as his hand finds the small of your back. 

“They wanted to keep me in for observation.” You follow up hoping he can’t hear the shaking in your voice. You look up at John and Simon, the colour drained from their faces. Simon clears his throat and Johnny turns to look at him. It gives you a second to squeeze your eyes shut and wish you were anywhere else. 

“You been pushing her too hard again?” Johnny asks Simon tutting. 

“Only what she can handle.” Simon says, it sounds cold in your ears. You feel sick bile rises in your stomach. You need to leave, your hand is sweaty, you pull it away from Johnny. You’re glad Kyle’s hand is on your back because without it you think you might pass out. 

“I have to go. Got this new rota that's kicking my ass.” You say trying to keep your voice level. It sounds so unnatural. You swallow trying to get the lump forming in your throat to go away but it wont. “I’ll come see you later. I promise.” You back up from the bed as Johnny looks confused. 

You can’t be here. You almost want to sprint out the room but you keep your calm walking out normally. When you leave and close the door behind you, that's when you run. 

______

You’re standing outside the washroom with a towel and a toothbrush in your hand. You want to take a shower scrub the layer of grease that's formed on your skin. You tried, you tried to take a shower in the hospital, the water brings flashbacks. Great, now you’re afraid of water. 

You have to get it together, if you can’t you’ll be sent home on leave, or worse discharged. You want to work, you enjoy work. Maybe not the people you work with but you’ve already thought about a transfer. You doubt John will have any issues with that, and if he does well there are always people above him. 

“Hey.” Kyle calls making you jump. He frowns coming towards you. “Didn’t see you at dinner, is everything okay?” It looks like he already regrets that question, no nothing is okay. Everything sucks and all you want to do is take a shower. 

“I want a shower.” You say looking back at the door. 

“Is someone in there? I can kick them out.” he offers, you sigh, shaking your head. He seems to get it and you hear him sigh. He steps up next to you putting his hand on your back. 

“I can help,” he says. You shake your head forcing yourself to be strong as your lip quivers. You have to try and do this alone. Your knuckles turn white as you grip your toothbrush as hard as you can. 

“I’ll watch the door, make sure no one comes in.” He says rubbing your back. You smile at him and nod, stepping into the room before you change your mind completely. 

The place smells damp as the automatic lights flicker on. It’s only been you and the rest of 141 using this space so their stuff is everywhere. You start to realise things about the room you didn’t even see before. It’s windowless, there’s a loud hum of vents. The place smells of aftershave and soap. 

You walk over to one of the showers, hanging your towel over the half wall. You’re stripping your clothes before you can stop yourself. This feels like a routine, showering in the freezing base showers only this time the thought of turning the showers on makes you feel sick.

You keep telling yourself you can do this, repeating the mantra in your head if only to keep your mind occupied. You’ve been taught how to deal with PTSD and triggers, what's the best way to help, or stave them away. You don’t have PTSD, you remind yourself. You’re just going through a rough patch.

As soon as you can get away from 141 and have a good night's sleep you’ll feel better. And now Johnny’s awake, that's one less thing to worry about. You reach over and twist the hot tap on. The water hits your arm and you pull it back like you’ve just been burned. 

You can do this. It’s just a shower. Kyle’s watching the door. No one can hurt you. 

You suck in a deep breath and stick your leg in, the water is surprisingly hot for once. That’s good, it will make things easier. One step at a time. Your hand and arm go in next, your breathing picks up, goosebumps rise on the parts of your body still exposed to the air. Now you’re shaking. 

You let out a long breath forcing yourself to move into the water. You turn letting it run down your back in an attempt to get the shaking to stop. It doesn’t work. Now you’re frozen you can’t move. You try to focus on getting your breathing to steady but it’s not working. You have nothing to distract yourself with. 

You force your eyes closed, that just makes things worse. Fear rises in you, you don’t know why but your head tips back. As soon as the water hits your face it’s like you don’t know where you are anymore. You’re not in the showers, you're back in the room. The water drowns out any sound in your ears. You don’t know what’s happening anymore.

The next thing you know you’re on the floor, your head throbs. There’s commotion, a noise you don’t recognise and footsteps. You open your eyes with a sob as tears escape. You turn, you must have slipped, Kyle is turning the shower off. He picks up your towel and comes over to you, bending down and wrapping it around you. He doesn’t say anything, just kneels down on the wet floor pulling you into his arms. 

You sob in his arms as he holds you tight. You get it all out, all the tears you’ve been avoiding over the last 24 hours. Maybe this is what you needed: a good cry. 

Kyle doesn’t let you go. Eventually he starts rocking you, stroking your hair, kissing the top of your head. He tells you everything will be okay. You want to believe him, you so badly want to leave this room and everything will be magically better. 

It won’t be though, and it won’t be for a very long time. 

As you calm down and your body stops shaking, anger burns in you. This should never have happened to you. Especially not by the people you love. You hate them, you never want to see them again. Kyle notices your change in body language and silently helps you to your feet. 

He walks you across to your room, closing the door behind him. 

“Want me to stay?” he asks as he helps you over to your bed. You nod looking up at him, he strokes your cheek smiling. “I’ll be back in a second.” He says going to leave the room. 

You don’t want to be alone, not right now. Maybe with Kyle here you can get some sleep. Or maybe it will be worse, right now you’ll try anything. You look over at Simon's lighter still sitting on the crate. You pick it up, turning it over in your hand before dropping it in the trash.

You never want to see them again.

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I could have kept going. I don't know when to stop... This is what happens when my main fic is on hold. I need a million projects or I get bored XD Banners by firefly-graphics