#and to want to deny access to any of it for those reasons is literally braindead

[cainite-bite]

i love when dumbasses are like “we should ban transitions because what if/this one person regretted doing it” because like..... I regretted my gallbladder surgery to get it removed- should I advocate to have it banned so no one else can have it done? I have known 7 people who have regretted surgery for a knee, should we just say because those 7 regretted it (and there are plenty more out there) that we shouldnt allow anyone access to it?

[a-polite-melody]

“And are the people saying that it’s easy for trans men to transition in the room with us?”

Uh yeah, actually.

Most all of the recommended reading that people denying transandrophobia have been giving out (assuming we can’t have read these things already) include somewhere within the text something about how trans men had an easy time transitioning and being stealth/blending into cis society as the reason that trans men don’t appear as prominently through history as trans women and the reason why trans men don’t face as much overt outward violence from society.

The actual reason for those things, of course, isn’t that it was or is any easier for trans men to access transition or to pass, but because some of the most prominent ways trans men are targeted is through erasure and infantilization.

But anyway, the fact that people are trying to go ���lmao no one says trans men have an easier time transitioning,” while literally shoving things that say exactly that in our faces as recommended reading material makes it even more obvious that people don’t want to actually read or engage with any trans theory, they just want to know which of the theory is the right stuff to throw at people when there’s a disagreement.

[lycandrophile]

building off of this post, people love to say that “trans men want to keep going into in women’s spaces after they transition because they just want to have the best of both worlds!” but in my experience, there are four main reasons that a trans man might use a “women’s space” after they transition:

it’s an important resource that’s being arbitrarily gendered and we need to use it regardless of which gender is “supposed to” be using it.

it’s a public facility where we’d be significantly less safe in the men’s version and we have to choose our safety over our desire to not be misgendered.

it’s a social space that we’ve been in since before we transitioned and we don’t want to suddenly be cut off from our friends and support system.

the trans man in question is multigender and is also a woman, or maintains some other kind of connection to womanhood alongside their manhood.

do any of those sound like “evil men rubbing our dirty little hands together making plans for how we’re going to get male privilege without losing access to women’s spaces” to you? they sure don’t to me!

i think it’s pretty reasonable that we want to transition without losing the ability to access the resources we need, keep ourselves safe, keep up the relationships we’ve built, and express all facets of who we are. all of those are really, like, pretty basic parts of having good life and we shouldn’t be expected to give them up when we transition.

and honestly, if you claim to care about trans people, you should not be so attached to the gendering of these spaces that you’re willing to deny trans men those things for the sake of upholding gender restrictions. anyone who prioritizes the sanctity of gender segregated spaces over the safety, health, and well-being of trans men is a fucking transphobe. (yes, even if you’re trans yourself.)

and that’s what really gets me about all of this — the vehemence with which people are willing to defend those spaces being entirely and inflexibly gendered, despite how enforcement of gendered spaces has hurt trans people time and time again. gendered spaces have literally always been set up in ways that force trans people to break the rules; some trans men might break those rules in ways that don’t make sense to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for us to do so! it just means you might feel weird about it and that’s okay, discomfort won’t kill you.

“but using women’s spaces after transitioning to male defeats the purpose of transitioning! the whole point of transitioning is to be able to live as a man!”

and who are you to tell trans men what the point of our transitions should be? what if the purpose of us transitioning is just to live the happiest and most fulfilled life possible, and forcing ourselves into unsafe spaces or denying ourselves access to important resources or cutting ourselves off from important people in our lives or pushing down the more complex parts of our genders would “defeat the purpose of transitioning” for us? what if being able to go where cis men go is just one part of a much bigger journey, not the end goal?

if you really want to talk about “defeating the purpose,” let’s talk about how policing which gendered spaces trans men can access defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from policing which gendered spaces trans people can access, because it allows the policing of trans people in gendered spaces to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether. let’s talk about how using “evil men invading women’s spaces” rhetoric against trans men defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from using it against trans women, because it allows the rhetoric to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether.

the point of saying “let people decide which gendered space is right for them” isn’t to make sure everyone uses the one aligned with their “true gender,” it’s to let people do what’s best for them without punishing them for their choice. sometimes the best choice is one that seems wrong from the outside, and you need to learn to live with that.

i just think we as a community need to be more hostile toward people who think upholding the sanctity of a gendered space is more important than giving trans people the freedom to move through the world without being punished for existing in those gendered spaces. that kind of thinking is fucking dangerous and it’s weird as hell that some of y’all are so comfortable with it being directed at us.

moral of the story: stop giving so much of a shit about where a trans man decides to piss or see a doctor or hang out or whatever else. even if you think he doesn’t belong there, he probably has a good reason to be there anyway, and that reason is frankly none of your damn business.

[pierretasha]

"The fact that the Great Comet Epilogue implies that Pierre got sober will never fail to make me cry." wait what? I didn't catch that vibe at all? I'm so happy for him, do explain?

Ha, well I do admit it's mostly projection. It's this verse, mainly:

I view it in the most literal context. Pierre is sober now but still struggling with the temptation to return to alcohol.

I've had my own struggles with alcohol and drug abuse, but am almost... 6? years sober now (yuuup i was an underage alcoholic! and do not have an official sobriety date because it's hard to label "when i gave up for addiciton reasons" vs "when i literally indulged last", but either way, it is 2025 and 2019 was the last year i touched anything whatsoever, even if my "last" use varies in context and i dont have an official date for anything), well technically im California sober as I occasionally endulge in weed, but that was never an addiction for me so I don't count my occasional use in that as a relapse.

Anyway lol enough about me and my own mental health, basically I just found that line in particular to be about mental illness in general, especially addiction! Perhaps I was a bit inaccurate to say that the Epilogue fully implies it - as to my knowledge there is no indication in the song nor in War And Peace if Pierre gets sober or not -- send a follow up in a few days maybe when I have access to my book so I can confirm/deny the W&P thing! I'm out of town now for work :> But I find the epilogue, as a whole, to be about Pierretasha HEALING. Healing TOGETHER. And I think Pierre sobriety is a part of that :)

Obviously say this with bias - I struggle to see a non-sobriety interpretation of it, if that makes any sense at all? It could just be he's still mentally ill in general, but keeping those thoughts at bay? But because so many of Pierre's songs and Pierre's arc in general involves him drinking, it's not so hard to interpret it as him giving up the drink - especially as a parallel to Dust And Ashes, a drunken soliliquy that ends with him wanting to wake up and fall in love. And in the epilogue, hes done that.

I hope that made sense and was not too overshary!

[rvllybllply2014]

Davron college au?

Davos is a non traditional student, Willem cut him off after Davos got caught fucking some random guy in a back alleyway. He couldn’t deny it, Willems friend has taken a picture of him, his face was clearly shown along with his pants pushed down. Willem wasn’t completely comfortable with Davos fucking men and women, out of sight out of mind for him. Hell he didn’t even care that Davos was out being the biggest slut as long as he kept it behind closed doors.

But the fact that he was literally caught with his pants down balls deep in man,in a back alleyway was the final straw for Willem. He stopped funding Davos’s college education and lifestyle, he did allow Davos to move back in with him. Davos thinks it’s because Willem felt bad for forcing him to drop out with one semester to go but it was really because Willem wanted to make sure Davos couldn’t embarrass him anymore.

So Davos is thirty by the time he’s saved up enough to re enroll in his program. The university tells Davos that he’s lucky if he’d waited any longer he would’ve have had to retake all the classes, but since he’s only a semester and a couple of credits short he’ll be able to graduate in the winter.

Davos gets along well with two of his three professors, but his other professor is Aeron. The other professors are old which makes it easier to respect them, but Aerons young and hot. It’s hard for Davos to pay attention in class when all he can think about is getting on his knees for Aeron to get an A.

It’s gotten to the point of Aeron telling Davos he needs to see him during office hours.

Aeron tells Davos that this might only be his third year teaching but he’s not an idiot. Davos starts to deny everything, he’s not failing the class not even close, sure he could be doing better but that’s not the point. Aeron holds his hand up to stop Davos, he tells Davos that he’ll be damned if he allows Davos to fuck up tenure track, simply because he’s a Bracken and Davos is a Blackwood.

Davos is too stunned to speak at first, but once he processes what Aerons said he tells him that Aeron has it all wrong. The reason Davos grade is lower than everyone else’s is that he finds Aeron stupidly sexy, they’re the same age, and all he can think about is being a naughty student. Maybe Aeron could bend him over his desk and spank him, then fuck him? Or maybe during office hours Davos could be on his knees with Aerons dick in his mouth while he helps other students.

It’s only at Aerons shocked face that Davos realizes that he said all of that out loud. Aeron also likes Davos and those fantasies sound hot as hell to him too.

So Aeron challenges Davos to pass his class with an A through hard work and then he’ll fuck Davos like the good little boy he is.

Davos graduates on time at the winter break. Aeron keeps his promise and fucks Davos so good that Davos is begging for Aeron to date him. Aeron takes pity on Davos and agrees to date him. Willem also allows Davos access to his money again, he’s finally stopped whoring around and bringing shame to the Blackwood. Willem would’ve preferred if Davos didn’t get with Bracken but he’ll take Davos settling down.

[invinciblerodent]

... so does anyone have any clue on how undeath is supposed to affect elven souls?

Because I have been building my own elf character, and thinking about this a lot, and it's a thought that just will not leave me (hard not to think about this with an Astarion romance), so it's time for another one of my navel-gazey thinkpieces i guess lol.

Like, my main source is Mordekainen's Tome of Foes, and that book states clearly that elven souls are immortal. Their numbers are more or less fixed, or rather "capped" (that's why they haven't "outbred" every other race even with their long lifespans), and each elf currently living is the reincarnation of an elven soul that's already been to Arvandor (their afterlife) at some point, and then returned in a new body. That's why they have such few children: because a birth is as much a joy as it is a sorrow. It's both the arrival of a new life, and the death of another- either decades, centuries, millenia past, or as soon as barely a few months ago.

As a quick and dirty run-down for those who don't really want to wade into the lore (I don't blame you, it's murky in there), early in their lives and when they are nearing death are the times when elves are most intimately connected to their previous lives, and in their sleep-trance (their "Reverie"), these individuals can call upon memories of those past lives. The young elves relive exclusively the experiences and adventures of their immortal soul until their second or third decade- then, slowly, those memories become interspersed with those from their current life (the First Reflection, the first time that happens, marks the start of their "adolescence" of the mind essentially- they are physically fully mature by then), until roughly the end of their first century, which is when their access to these primal memories is cut off. From that point forward, the elf loses access to their previous lives. This is called the Drawing of the Veil, and from that point forward, the elf may only relive events from their current life in their trance, right until they start nearing the end of their natural lifespans some 600 years later.

This is all fairly clear in the case of a living elf.

But what happens if that immortal elven soul, that's so intimately interconnected with the afterlife and the very passage of time, finds itself suddenly housed in an undead, unaging, immortal body? How does that change things?

It's got to change things, no?

Like this is such a specific thing, I don't believe specifically elven intelligent undead (that is also a protagonist about whose soul we are supposed to care) has been written about super extensively in the sourcebooks, but my guess personally is that the moment of undeath, it... severs the bond of the soul to Arvandor. This is not unrealistic, as that bond can break for many reasons: Drow for one are never invited back and die true deaths with no way to be reincarnated, and so do elves who have turned to gods outside of the Seldarine. (.... that also means that, with the drow's propensity for casual murder, the number of elven souls available for rebirth is in a constant and steep decline, but that's a whole other thing.) (I've no clue what this means for the Seldarine drow. I wanna say that they can gain admission back, but that's just me being an optimist, I've no recollection of a source literally confirming or denying that.)

This loss of the primal memories, it's said to be a traumatic experience in itself, even if it comes naturally, as just part of the elven life cycle, and it coming on the heels of such a profound upheaval of one's life (such as being turned into a vampire), it may just be the least of the person's worries... but it would explain some things in a way that goes beyond the traumatic experiences of Astarion's current life.

If that moment of being cut off were to happen before the elf would naturally lose their ability to access primal memories, I assume that they would... be forced to more or less "grow up" (at the lack of a better term) in an instant. And to be denied roughly half the time you would have otherwise had for regaining experiences and memories from your past lives, it's got to leave one a bit... emotionally stunted, when compared to a living elf of a similar age, who had time to go through their natural life cycle as one should.

(Which, it's not a huge reveal that I believe our guy to be emotionally immature, and a bit stunted in his emotional growth. That's, like, clear, and I don't mean to say anything to the effect of "ooooh, he was so youuuung, still an uwu baaaaby---" no, we're unequivocally talking about a fully grown, adult man lol, but specifically in the case of how this all relates to this weird trait of elves, it's still interesting to think about this odd dissonance that... may very well exist between a living- and an undead elf.)

Hell, my personal little theory is that elven intelligent undead (like vampires, who do retain a soul within their bodies) specifically, while they do go into a trance and have dreams/nightmares/memories of their current lives, may just even lose the ability to recall events from their pre-undeath life (beyond conventional memory, meaning that they can't strengthen those memories and are bound to eventually forget them) as well, as evidenced by Astarion not remembering his own face, or what color his eyes were once. (You can't tell me that while he was alive, he didn't spend a shitton of time looking at his own face. If he could relive pre-undeath memories, he'd know these things, or would be able to recall them if he wished.)

There would be something... strangely tragic, in this kind of isolation, for an elf. By becoming a vampire, you'd become undead first, and an elf.... somewhere way, way, way down the line.

As a fairly young undead elf, you're somehow simultaneously ancient, adolescent, and middle-aged, and also pretty much confined to a singular existence of nothing but pain and abuse, with memories of a distant childhood slowly fading just out of reach, knowing that... this, this is just your soul's lot now. That a significant part of your fey heritage, your very ancestry as well as part of your immutable essence, has been torn from you in just one moment, in exchange for preserving this current life, as a simulacrum of itself. And now there is no next life, because this one is one without a natural end, and Sehanine Moonbow will now never invite your immortal soul back to Arvandor to be reborn, because it's been cut off from you, and your very body is holding you hostage. Six, sixteen, or sixty centuries can come to pass, and still nothing is going to change... unless you die, in which case you're just dead, like any non-elven creature.

Anyway, there's no real point to this, or a conclusion to be drawn, beyond just... fuck, man, they couldn't have made this fucker more of a tragic figure if they tried.

(...... Fun fact, Silvanus is not part of the Seldarine. So unless he maybe turns to worship Rillifane Rallathil instead, Halsin's soul would not be reincarnated either. But he seems to have made that decision himself and he seems content, so I'm guessing he's just cool with it.)

(I'm not fucking touching half-elves now, you can't make me, that's such a fucking can of worms oh my god)

[jackdaw-kraai]

Hey, Jack? Do you have any advice for dealing with those who do nothing but demand updates for your fics? I'm pretty sure most writers have to deal with this crap, it's just… I have one reasonably popular fic that's been on hiatus for over a year, and it feels like almost every comment I receive is just another demand for an update. I'm starting to regret ever posting that damnable fic in the first place. I don't want to delete it, that would be cruel to the other readers, but I'm already stressed as hell, I already felt guilty for the long hiatus, and these constant demands just kept grinding me down to the point I can't stand to even look at this fic, much less continue writing it. So… any advice?

Oh I have different tactics for different platforms, so I'll give you some tips for all the ones I use and how they synergize. First of, on Ao3, I generally put something in the notes like "writing takes a long time and real life doesn't always cooperate, so be patient. I'm the one actually working on this, so you can deal waiting for me to pour my labor and passion and time into this. Cool? Cool. If you can't be cool, I'll block/mute/freeze you." Then, I put places in the notes where they can find me outside of Ao3 like my tumblr and discord and explain what they can find there, usually this will help redirect. Then, once in a while, I'll answer a comment if I'm feeling like it like "life is still busy, working on this is still fun but very labor intensive in order to make it, ect". If they get pushy, I block them.

On tumblr, if people get pushy about it in the asks, I block them. No question about it, I block them. Once in a while I'll publish one of them with either a compassionate, curt, or snarky explanation depending on my mood, but I don't give all of them the time of day because oh my gods, who has the time once you ask box hits the triple digits?? I also keep a pinned post on my blog with links where you can find my stuff, so people can easily locate it instead of pestering me about it.

On discord I'm most active, so there's a lot of info to find there, but also, there's a lot of friends there who can help intercept anyone asking questions like that and inform them "writing takes time, cool your heels." Having a good moderating structure also helps with this, as well as spoiler channels where you can rant about your progress to people who are willing to be spoilered, or point at to people who aren't down for spoilers but still want info like "them's the rules for the info, if you don't like it, tough tits." I also flat out have a rule amongst the server rules list (mostly stuff like "don't be a bigoted cunt," "don't air your dirty laundry in #general," "if I catch you being a creep to minors, I WILL call the cops on your ass") that says "don't harass the author" and enforce it by having the server closed to anyone who doesn't tick the little box at the top saying "I have read the rules and agree to them." You very quickly get a self-selecting audience that way that knows you won't take their shit.

Key to all of this is to assert yourself and be willing to step on toes to make people back off and give back your personal space. You can't be shy about setting your boundaries, and you don't have to be polite to people crossing them. Even the kindest celebrities often have bodyguards for this reason, and while we may not be celebrities, we can be our own bodyguards enforcing our boundaries. Try giving people a space they can go for information, but information that's given on your terms, not theirs. Pinned posts and A/Ns and the like are excellent for this. And finally, just block people. Literally just block people, even if they're fans. If people make you uncomfortable, remove them from your space, you can literally just do that. You don't owe them access to be able to harass you, and if they can't be polite about this, you can deny them access to you, period.

Fans are a lot of fun, and I love interacting with them! I met some of my best friends as fans first, and they're lovely folks! But you gotta stick to your boundaries in order to keep it fun for everyone, and make sure you state them loud and clear. And if people pretend to not have heard them, you can remind them this isn't a court of law, and even if it was, ignorance of the law is not defense of breaking it. Evict them from the premise without further notice if they won't comply.

[lumi-klovstad-games]

Hey, 343. We call "expanded universes" that for a reason.

It also hurt for those of us who actually LIKED Fireteam Osiris and saw potential in the characters. Halo 5 sets up a neat "Brothers in Arms" relationship between Chief and Locke like Chief had with Arbiter in 3, maybe even a little bit of Master & Apprentice, with Locke standing to learn a lot in the days and battles to come from the much older and more experienced Master Chief. But then the next game comes and... wait where is everyone? 343 wants me to buy more books?! A lot of fans already had to buy half a library's worth just to grock Halo 5, and here's 343 repeating that mistake again!

The Halo games really have just become a means by which 343 plugs the Halo novels. "There's a book that explains that" is the constant refrain I hear these days. No. I WANT THE GAMES TO EXPLAIN IT. The games are the only thing literally EVERY Halo fan buys. EXPLAIN IT IN THE GAMES.

I will give the audio logs in Infinite SOME credit for answering SOME questions I had, but mostly it was used to introduce irrelevant subplots that actually WOULD be better as a novel. Escharum doing his damnedest to keep the ragtag and ill-fitting family that are the Banished together with the disappearance of his protege Atriox, a warrior who was like a son to him, knowing full well he doesn't have Atriox's charisma and he can't maintain the cult of personality Atriox cultivated at the core of the Banished in the same way? Or a fireteam of Spartans, feeling lost and surviving without any real support, realizing that they'll likely die one way or another, deciding to risk it all on a single desperate all-or-nothing Hail Mary attempt at cutting the head off the snake, only to fail, with their only monument being their broken bodies, and their armor that Chief has to scavenge for gear with little if any knowledge of what happened to his comrades? These are plots TAILOR MADE for a spin-off novel. But instead a HUGE CHUNK of the total audio logs gets devoted to this kind of stuff, instead of explaining where Blue and Osiris are, if they survived, and setting up a reunion in a later story — you know, something actually relevant to Master Chief's story that connects with the plot players are already familiar with.

I get that 343 wants the Halo Universe to feel like this big connected thing while keeping the "mysterious" feel of the original trilogy, but for 343 that takes the form of locking players out of the loop: deny the players critical information necessary to understanding characters or the plot (even if the players can operate without that information) and then demand they cough up $8-15 a pop to gain access to that information (or just wait until Halopedia editors inevitably do). What they keep forgetting is that the original trilogy told players everything they needed to know as the game naturally progressed. The Bungie novels were interesting and sundry, but nothing they related was essential — not even The Fall of Reach (often considered the most important book in the expanded universe) was necessary to understand anything in the games proper. And then, when Bungie actually made a GAME about Reach, they made a point to showcase a separate cast of characters on a different part of the planet, playing a different role in the battle, with an entirely different team dynamic, all for the express purpose of keeping it so that the book wasn't essential to understanding what was going on. That's the secret that 343 just doesn't get: keep the books interesting, but keep them at arm's length — the GAME should tell the players everything they need to know.

More than game mechanics or graphics, if 343 can learn to tell stories in the games the way Bungie did, and learn to keep the books away from the games, then that alone will MASSIVELY improve Halo's appeal and bring back much of what was lost.

[hyperlexichypatia]

Y'know, one thing I honestly struggle a lot with as a disabled person is like... with certain things I experience, where do I draw the line between "there is a very literal physical set of phenomena occurring in my neurological and related bodily systems that is responsible for my experience of these physical and emotional/mental events" and "these events are being influenced or caused by external stimuli, often related to class dynamics and oppression" and even "said class dynamics and oppression are responsible for much of said physical phenonena within my bodily systems, as they are simply an interaction/reaction to said external stimuli".

To me, it's like the nuance between how "choice feminism" is used to shut down very genuine real critiques of misogyny and patriarchal beauty standards (which are so deeply rooted in racism and white supremacism), but have also been misused to ironically deny women any autonomy whatsoever, rather than striking a balance with "these systems are fucked, much of this stems from a place of coercion and misogyny, and not acknowledging that can feed into it, but as a marginalized class within that system women (and gender minorities in general) do still have the right to decide how they want to respond to that and informed consent still does matter" if that makes sense?

I feel like I'm not able to exactly address the root of the issue for myself with disability but I think it has some to do with the social model of disability, some to do with the way cartesian dualism has been used to divide the disabled community, and some to do with how I am both anti-psych and anti-phys (the institutions including the biased science as it currently exists, not say, medication or treatment).

It's like... okay I tend to look at my own disability through a mixed medical-social lens. In a "perfect" world, neither medical knowledge nor treatment would be gatekept. I'd be able to get medication for things like what are now labeled ADHD, POTS, and MCAS, including getting compounded medication without having to have an official diagnosis of MCAS (seriously, who does it hurt other than insurance company bottom lines to just make a med without corn or milk sugars/proteins or dyes as filler ingredients -_-).

I would still, however, be disabled. I do understand that that is covered under the social model's definition of "impairment", but I also take issue with the relabeling of disability. It seems oddly euphemistic in the same way that "differently abled" does - defining disability itself as only the social access barriers that cause people to be unable to live a satisfying, fulfilling life including with "impairments", to me ignores the reality of those of us with more severe symptoms and higher support needs.

As I saw someone say so well, "chronic pain is still gonna hurt." But it's also that the pain itself is still going to significantly impact my quality of life, even with full access to treatment and meds. My symptoms are still a physical reality within my body, causing distress and dysfunction, and disabling my ability to engage in certain activities - not just "impairing" said ability. It still would have a significant negative affect in my quality of life, outside of my control. And here I am referring to activities in again, a "perfect" world, where the only reason to do them is out of pure, uncoerced and uninfluenced desire.

There's also the way that rather than actually depathologizing what we label as mental illness, its ability to be profoundly disabling and its very nature as occurring physically for whatever reason has been ignored in order to be neuroableist and sanist against neurodisabled people.

I am firmly for self-labeling, and firmly against the forced labeling of any trait as "abnormal" and "unhealthy". I do think even for self-labeling, it's important to question the premise behind many labels and explore more deeply what you are actually using said labels to mean.

I have talked at length about what "demedicalizing DID", as an example, actually entails, and how it actually increases access to resources and treatment for those that want to pursue those things.

The labels themselves are social, even if they are categorizations for material experiences in many cases. The line gets blurrier with psychiatric labels, as the experience is essentially an internal abstraction of physical phenomena, and the categories themselves are significantly more arbitrary without that solidly material basis.

"Trauma" is used as a label to essentially put the onus of class oppression on marginalized people. Things like "dopamine" and "seratonin" at this point are little more than neurochemically-named horoscopes, in a discipline I already refer to as "the astrology to neurology's astronomy" - and noting here, that neurology and medicine in general are still themselves more partially social than the significantly more mathematical discipline of physics I compare them to.

I also have a reactivity to things that I perceive (or misperceive) as divorcing "mental illness" or "neurodivergence" from any kind of physical basis. It's why I think I was initially confused about your use of "pathologization" - my own bias causing me to struggle to see the difference between what ultimately are very clearly different understandings.

It was, "We should question the categorization of certain experiences as innately pathological, meaning abnormal, unhealthy, and to be suppressed," versus "Mental illnesses are diseases of an abstracted mindsoul, with no physical basis, and can therefore be 'overcome' with a minimum of effort and can never be profoundly or physically disabling".

Which, to be clear, I didn't at all think you were saying the latter. More that I struggled to recognize the former because I had not yet divorced "physical experience" from "specific pathologizing label" in my head, and ironically seeing it laid out so clearly threw such a wrench in that existing perception that I had to go in and decouple/detangle the two to get things going again.

Really, though, it seems it's once again about informed consent in a society where "choice" is so deeply and insidiously influenced by prevailing hegemonic attitudes. It's "if you're going to label yourself disordered, it is still good to question the very premise of that label".

In a world with no access barriers and oppression, I would still have some of the same physical experiences I have now. With unrestricted access to medical treatments that directly interface and alter my biochemical processes, I would still likely not be without what we now label as "symptoms". Certainly, assuming I grew up in that world, "trauma" might very well be an unrecognizable concept as to what it is considered in our reality - assuming it even existed in any meaningful way at all.

I guess it's just - where is that balance between acknowledging the extreme influence of current societal norms and ideas about disability, the way the very language we use to talk about them is steeped in those biases, misconceptions, and assumptions, and the way that a physical result is treated as the cause itself; with the existence of varied experiences of abstracted neurological phenomena, having/creating language some need to help define and understand ourselves, and those societal causes still engendering a physical result?

Is it in the connotation? Is destigmatizing the concept of disability and "disorder" (as meaning "causing distress and/or dysfunction as defined by the person experiencing it") and stopping their misapplication enough? I admit, when my disabled identity has been repeatedly denied by ableists, my instinct is to cling to the labels that say "yes, this is an experience that makes me not able to achieve my own personal desires and goals and causes me distress".

While the concept of "ab/normalcy" is deeply unhelpful and often harmful, there are times when I at least want to say "my material experience is not the same as yours despite your insistence that it is" to people who identify as abled, who have described their perception of my experience as something oppositional to my actual experience. Not abnormal, but not identical, either.

Maybe that's getting off in the weeds. I guess just... at what point does acknowledging my own experiences as a significantly overlapped venn diagram of innate physical and purely societal causes meeting at mixed causes and societal causes of physical results, cross the line into mislabeling societal forces as innate physical events.

Is it just divorcing them from the greater context of society? It is the reversal of causality? Is it the lack of acknowledgement that the way we label these experiences is inherently tied up in the social environment surrounding them? If I view some of my experiences as entirely unrelated to and uninfluenced by that social environment (at least to the extent that is possible), while still being a natural variation in neurology (or physiology) that is itself neutral overall regardless of how I experience it, is that enough?

Is viewing the things labeled as ongoing "trauma" and "mental illness" as a natural and rational response to class oppression a factor in depathologization, as long as we also acknowledge that the labels of "trauma" and "mental health" themselves carry meaning and bias and connotations that don't uphold or even contradict that belief?

I dunno. Maybe I'm just stuck in stubbornly not wanting to give up labels I've been forced to fight for because I'm scared to admit that I could have been fighting for not having them at all while still having my needs met in the first place. Maybe I am just struggling as someone who can't actually process or understand their own experiences without language to integrate a new understanding of that language into my paradigm. Maybe some parts of us are still reactively misinterpreting "question and examine how the language we use is a social construct and how that has been wielded against marginalized identities, including your own" as some sort of threat to our autonomy and in particular self-determination.

I may very well be afraid of and biased by those things, but the one thing I'm not scared of is examining that and admitting it's a possibility.

I guess I'm sending you this ask in particular precisely because you've articulated precise analyses of these subjects so clearly. I'd love to hear your thoughts, if you're willing.

Oh, this is the ask I thought I'd lost!

So, before I start, my own bodymindbrain is VERY compromised by COVID right now. I am living that physical illness affecting cognition life.

This is a great question and I'm really struggling to come up with a thoughtful response, because so much of it, I just don't know. I have no idea "how disabling" any of my disabilities would be if I lived in a society that accepted and accommodated differences, because I've never lived in a society like that and I can only vaguely imagine it. I know that part of that goal is making it so that the supports we receive (medical, social, or otherwise) aren't contingent on any particular label or any particular concept of "disorder." And also that they're never an excuse to infringe on someone's autonomy.

On the language of it all, I'm always struggling to refine my own use of language, but it's especially frustrating because any potentially radical/liberatory use of language gets co-opted and appropriated by pathologization (like "neurodiversity," "Mad," or "anti-psychiatry"). I've left so many groups that I thought were about rejecting pathologization that turned out to be about "recovery" or "healing" (which is fine for people who are interested in those things! I'm just not one of them!).

I also struggle with my own... parts of my mind/emotions that are distressing to me... and I struggle to find words for that that aren't part of the pathology paradigm like "mental health," and also aren't spiritual because that's not what I believe. I just don't know the words. I know that I have anxiety attacks and it sucks and I hate it, but I don't know good overarching terms for "The experience of having profoundly unpleasant unwanted emotional states" or "The attempt by various means to mitigate or remediate profoundly unpleasant unwanted emotional states."

Your question is better than my answer, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm glad you asked!

[image-thot]

Would a request for PLATONIC! Yandere! Bad Batch headcannons with a preferably teenage reader be acceptable?

Ok gonna be honest when I saw your request one thing came to my mind " Two of those works don't belong that close together." But never one to back away from a challenge I shall do my best 👍 Also sorry it took so long with this one had some stuff come up in rl that stopped me from writing for a bit.

Warning ⚠️  It's been ages since I was a teen so my depiction of one may be off 😅 

Overall 

• They all see you in a similar way to Omega however as you are older than her, they know a lot more risks and have a harder time keeping you close/dependent on them.

• They'd prefer that you stay on the ship during missions, especially if one of them can stay behind and watch you.

• If they can't be prepared for what can only be described as being grounded to hell and back. Starting with Tech locking down the ship, no one is getting in or out of that thing. Echo has hidden away any of the dangerous items and Wrecker has put out some fun but safe things for you to do after you finish the list of chores Hunter has left for you.

• It's not all bad however, after a while they did think it best to use you as the emergency pick-up driver. Tech taught you how to fly and operate the ship under emergency scenarios, yes Hunter was present during those and yes he almost had a heart attack.

• Sometimes their styles do clash when it comes to how they want to treat and spend time with you, for example, Hunter is a lot very blunt when than Echo is when it comes to protecting you (think of Hunter as the Overprotective father and Echo as the kind but Overprotective Mother).

• Omega and Wrecker are the only two that don't but-heads over their needs for you, they are both clingy but they were like that before you joined them so they are used to being around one another that it would feel weird if either one of them wasn't there with you as well.

• Crosshair often gets into arguments with Echo and Hunter usually over something Crosshair wants to do with you, for example, Crosshair doesn't mind taking you on missions with him. He's often perched away from the fights and wants you to watch him work, maybe even show you a trick or two. Hunter and Echo strongly disagree with this and have had some physical altercations over it.

Hunter

Type: Overprotective 

Hunter can't be classed as anything but overprotective when it comes to you.

He wants to keep you safe and will do everything in his power to do so.

Which makes him the worst in the group.

 Why you may ask, well those keen senses of his. He can tell the moment something changes with you, then he's on you faster than you can say oh no. It can be literally anything as well, he knows what's normal for you and what's not. So even the smallest change in your vitals, behaviour, hormones and scent and it’s all 21 and counting questions.

If you happen to be a girl... Yeah if you've already had your first visit from aunt flow, you’re in for a real treat. Of course, he knows what it is but it takes a two-hour talk with both you and Tech to assure him that the process is completely normal. Still doesn't stop him from going into red alert (pun intended) every time it happens.

He does, however, respect your privacy, if you ask him to leave you alone for a bit or deny him access to your room he respects it. It doesn’t mean that he won't be listening in on you in other ways or that he won't bust down the door if he feels you're in danger.

Echo

Type: Overprotective 

Like Hunter, Echo is very protective of you in a mother goose sorta way.

He’s a lot more gentle about it than Hunter is, to you at least. To everyone else well I didn’t say goes for no reason.

He’ll often explain why he does/suggests something when it comes to keeping you safe and with them. For example, with a mission, he doesn’t stop at “It’s too dangerous” but goes on to say why specifically that mission poses a risk to you "It's too dangerous because it involves x which you haven't trained for that" etc.

He'd come off a lot more reasonable and a better listener than everyone else.

He's reasonable yes unless it involves current/former Separatists.

If there happens to be a mission that brings them into contact with them be prepared for him to not let you out of his sight and to go full lockdown mode. 

To be fair he has a valid reason after what they did to him he doesn't want it happening to you, he just gets a little too carried away with that.

Tech

Type: Manipulative 

He'll manipulate you with facts (I could just stop there but he's me boy so).

To put it simply anything that you think/want to do that would in his opinion be bad for you, he somehow has a fact that proves it's wrong. Even if the information is slightly skewed.

It's not like he's completely making up data, he's simply not revealing the entirety of it. Honestly, you'd think it would bother him but when he first started to use facts to persuade you they were all very much true. The only problem was that after a while he was running out of relatable factoids to use.

Like the rest of the squad, he is protective of you, in his own unique way. Yes, he would 100% get into a fight if needed for you but he also prides himself on preventing that from happening in the first place.

It works 99.9% of the time, mainly due to how persistent he is about it. It's easier just to do what he suggests rather than argue against him, it won't take you long to learn that. If you do manage to outlast him be prepared to face smug and sarcastic Tech. Don't get him wrong he's still going to fix it but not before/after he makes you feel bad first.

Honestly, he doesn't change too much, he seems a lot more interested in your health and well-being than his brothers. But aside from that to anyone else he could appear to be his normal self.

Wrecker

Type: Clingy 

Literally wants to be around you 24/7

He's the big bro that may be 1000% too Overprotective but will at least attempt to make up for it with tons of fun

He is the first one to go with you for after-mission snacks or to go out for a little bit of RnR. He's also the first one who's going to start a fistfight in the name of your honour or minor inconvenience 

He can be a bit impulsive and forget that he is way bigger and stronger than you, often leading you to either be dragged along with him or being crushed by his inhuman strength.

He tries not to use his impressive strength to do you any harm and he will try to avoid using it to get you to do what he wants, but at the end of the day, he isn't going to totally cut that option off.

Crosshair

Type: Stalker/Possessive 

Crosshair is the group's cat you could say. He loves your attention and company but at the same time also likes to have his space.

It often leads him to be caught between wanting you to hang out with only him and him wanting to be left the hell alone.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t going to keep an eye on you when he does have some solo time, he will watch you like the hawk that he is.

So expect if Hunter doesn’t know something about you then Crosshair certainly will know it.

He wants to teach you how to shoot properly, unfortunately, that is a no from both Hunter and Echo. It also doesn’t help that he is the world's worst teacher, despite being observant he forgets others aren’t always as quick learners as him.

He has numerous amounts of times suggested that you be assigned to him during missions, after all, he is often up and out of harm's way. 

He can be borderline clingy in public, but that’s mainly his strong dislike of regs with the small (very large) fear that you will be taken away from the group. 

(sorry that some of these are way off my norm, my brain was having a lot of trouble writing this.)

[obsessedwithceleste]

I'm baaaackk (did you miss me?) Have I been saving posts to spam reblog these past several days? yes. Have I been stalking my moots and lurking about? Also yes. But let's all be so serious for a minute.

Why was I gone?

As some of you might know, several days ago I found my works being shared on a slytherin boys TikTok account (@Slytherin_BoysFanf1c) who was claiming to have written MY work themselves. They didn't even bother re-writing or copy/pasting- it was literal screenshots off Tumblr with the same banners/dividers/everything. To be clear- I do not share my works on TikTok, any account on TikTok that has my work posted is not me and does not have my approval. I ended up making the mistake of asking this person to remove my work from their page to which they refused, and denied the work being stolen. I opened a ticket/report on TikTok and their account ended up being disabled from the platform.

By the next day, this person had tracked down my PERSONAL Instagram account (which I admit was a public account) and began harassing me.

Obviously this was an extremely stressful encounter, and not one that I ever thought I would experience. I did end up immediately blocking and reporting their account, and have not heard from them since, but please understand why I took a couple days to decompress and step away from everything.

The reason I share this with you all is because this was a very real and scary reminder for me that the internet can be a very dangerous place, so ALWAYS be careful with what you post and take this as a reminder of how easily information can be accessed.

I also want to reiterate what another writer said here a few days ago which is that I do provide all of my content on this site FOR FREE and I will lose nothing my just not posting. (other than validation, but I assure you all I'll survive). It is so, so disgusting to steal content, and even more so to track down someone's personal information. I admit that there were steps that I took that were wrong, like commenting with my personal TikTok account, or having a public Instagram page, but for real, it should be a given that those things aren't an invitation for harassment. Let's all act right and not be mean to strangers on the internet okay? Okay.

[owlbelly]

man i can't stop thinking about that antidepressant post going around (this is really long & not happy)

the one that started out as someone comparing taking their SSRI to taking insulin or thyroid medication, & turned into other people linking all the studies showing that the serotonin deficiency / "chemical imbalance" theory of depression has been pretty well debunked & that doctors/scientists don't really understand how a lot of psych medication works, particularly SSRIs, so you can't really compare taking a medication for something your body actually physically lacks or that's correcting a chemically measurable problem to taking a psych med that isn't doing either of those things (no one is measuring your brain chemicals & there's no agreed upon baseline for something like seratonin - a re-uptake inhibitor isn't making you make any more of it either it's just prolonging its effects in your system)

like. idk. i understand that the science is demonstrably faulty & that advertising campaigns for medications are the reason the popular conception of innate "chemical imbalance" persists even among doctors! this is not new information to me & it's obviously critical to talk about it & continue to do research.

but i also feel like there has got to be a way to talk about it that doesn't implicitly shame or, idk, outright deny the experience of people for whom taking SSRIs has been life-improving or even life-saving? "this stuff doesn't work the way they tell you it does" is one thing, but it so quickly seems to turn into "this stuff doesn't do anything at all (except hurt you)" which is...literally just not true. we can question whether or not medication is the best choice for someone, we can criticize the intersection of capitalism & medicine that's resulted in poorly understood medication with serious side effects being pushed through to sales, we can talk about how structural/societal change would help most of us MUCH more, etc. etc.

but for some people nothing else works, or nothing else works without an additional boost, or nothing else is accessible (which is fucked). these are shit circumstances. idk i think the wording on that post was like "it's fine if you feel like they help you but don't spread this misinformation about depression as a chemical imbalance" & i guess "it's fine if you feel like they help you" always reads to me as "okay sweetie, you have the right to enjoy your poison placebo." clearly they fucking do help sometimes. we don't know how exactly & we should be concerned about lying corporations & shitty institutions, but like...some people are clearly getting results from them. not all of them good results! but good enough that we can function & live, otherwise we wouldn't take them.

lmao maybe i just don't know how to not feel like shit about any discussion of SSRIs, since i have taken them longer than almost anyone i know (almost 25 years) & from a young enough age that they've possibly shaped the development of my brain in ways that no one really understands & the side effects have definitely shaped my life & i have never been able to function without them! maybe i never will be able to now. was it wrong for them to be prescribed to me in the first place? idk i was pretty set on being dead at that point. maybe i would have been okay, maybe not. i've tried to taper off them multiple times, both with doctor supervision & without. it fucking sucks & i stop feeling like living. should i do it again & stick it out to the point of wanting to die because "depression isn't actually a chemical imbalance" & i am just a duped pawn of big pharma?

or am i SSRIs Georg now, who has been taking Prozac for a quarter of a century & does have a resulting "chemical imbalance" & is an outlier, should not have been counted

sorry i hate this i hate being both critical of & also dependent on psych meds, i hate the way everyone talks about it. people who are pro-meds always act like no one is ever forced to take them or stigmatized for not taking them & that the science around them is clear-cut, people who are anti-meds always talk like there's no stigma around taking psych medication (lmao! even antidepressants!) & also like they're just shit placebos for idiots.

i super hate not knowing what 25 years of SSRIs has done to my body & also being pants-shittingly terrified of trying to remove them from my life. it all fucking blows i just want to see a little more compassion for all of us trying to survive here in whatever way we can

[compassionatereminders]

Yeah the reason it's so hard for people to get ADHD medication is because they have such a strong reputation for being used recreationally. Obviously in an ideal world it wouldn't be an issue. But it took me literally 2 years to be prescribed adhd medication because there was apparantly a "pandemic" (their words, it was precovid though) of people selling their medication. So even though you're not the one denying me the medication (which is where the blame lies) I think it's disingenuous to claim that your actions don't have an impact.

It's impossible to live in a way that's even close to being 100% ethical bc society is fucked and people need to be able to have fun. But personally I consider it in very poor taste to argue that by boasting about doing these stimulants you're somehow contributing to the destigmatization of drugs. If you believe your words/actions have the power to contribute to this goal, why do you refuse to accept that they also have the power to provide ammunition for those who seek to restrict access?

Basically I just don't think any individual drug user should be blamed for the systemic societal issues and laws surrounding drug use. I think that making the argument "your decisions about drug use is creating the stigma" is part of the problem. Yes, my words can be used as ammunition for people who want to blame individual people for systemic discrimination, but I think we need to move past the "you are ruining this for others with your own personal behavior" and settle on "society and criminalization is ruining this for everyone." And I think that me being pro drug use visibly and openly on this blog does more good than harm. You are free to disagree. But I don't think ADHD medication would be easier to access if I didn't post about drugs. And I think part of the issue is that we are still blaming individual drug users for the stigma surrounding drug use.

[fireheart223]

I finally decided to redo my Tabaluga AU (which I've finally given the nickname of, "Raise A Dragon"!), same concept ofc, but with just some slightly different designs! So enjoy the long post, I guess!

Here's Tabaluga! (The Taba-boy!!!) His cheeks, pupils and belly are blue and his eyes and cheeks slight sparkle blue, and his heart is also literally frozen, yet, he is somehow still alive.

These are all after effects of being deep-frozen before he was born. He has been raised by Arktos and James his whole life, and he thinks his species died out bc of some kind of accident or smth like that. Despite the two people who he was raised by, he has a heart of gold, and is very reluctant to hurt anyone or anything, finding it extremely hard to carry out his fathers' (especially Arktos') orders of destruction, but he does them anyways because it's what he's been taught to do.

He keeps seeing a shadowy silhouette of someone that looks similar to him in his dreams every night (Tyrion!). It doesn't seem to make noise, but it moves its mouth as if it is speaking to him, or at least, is trying to. Tabaluga often wonders who the shadowy dragon is is. He mentioned it once to Arktos, and then never mentioned it again because it seemed to cause Arktos to have a panic attack.

Tabaluga loves to explore Grünland a lot! At first, he was allowed to basically go anywhere in Grünland but Drachen Rock (As in this AU, unlike the actual cartoon, Arktos is very aware of Tyrion's spirit and does not want Tabaluga to find Tyrion for very obvious reasons lol. Him and James also put a sort of fence (like those ones at school that you can try to shove your in to climb but are barely to small to fit in) in front of any entrances to the River of Time so Tabaluga can not get in there and find out about the past that way either. Thankfully, the River is still flowing just fine.). But recently, Arktos has become much stricter with Tabaluga, starting to deny Tabaluga access to even places the dragon had been allowed to go to before. This newfound strictness has only made Tabaluga's identity crisis (and along with it), his mental health, worse too. This has caused Tabaluga to start disobeying Arktos in an attempt to find out more about the truth of who he is and what happened to his species. So far he has not been able to find out much, but one day, potentially, he might just find the horrible truth of what happened to his species.

Here's Arktos and James, who I have basically turned into their Season 1 counterparts with only slight additions to Arktos. James is very gay for Arktos and quite shy about it, and Arktos is just fucking oblivious to James' crush on him.

In this AU, they managed to find out about Tabaluga's egg and stop it from hatching by deep-freezing it. They take it back and just when Arktos is about to destroy it, James gets the idea of raising the dragon instead because of how powerful dragons can become. After some slight musing, Arktos accepts the idea and they raise the dragon. The reason Tabaluga is called Tabaluga here in this AU is because Arktos recalls a time when he and Tyrion were still friends, that, Tyrion, one time, mentioned he wanted to name his son Tabaluga, and Arktos decides to name the dragon that in some sort of attempt at irony.

After so many years of raising Tabaluga, Arktos has started to think of Tabaluga less as a tool of power, and more as his own son, not that he'd ever admit it. However, Shouhu's words of a new chapter beginning in his life, one that will last a thousand years is always haunting Arktos, as Arktos believers that new chapter Shouhu was talking about was him discovering and now currently raising Tabaluga. This has caused Arktos to fear the possibility that when Tabaluga is 10 (1 dragon year equals 100 Greenland years), he is going to discover the truth and leave. And as a result, Arktos has become more stricter with the dragon, especially when it comes to exploring Grünland. But this strictness might potentially lead to his downfall if he doesn't stop.

James considers Tabaluga his son as well, but more openly so than Arktos. James is also much less strict with the dragon than Arktos. He sees the danger of Arktos becoming more strict with Tabaluga, as he can tell it's causing the young dragon to disobey, and James tries to get Arktos to become less strict with the little dragon, but Arktos will not listen to him (or anyone else for that matter) about his strictness on Tabaluga out of pride and the fear that if he even just slightly eases on the strictness before the dragon is over 10, Tabaluga will immediately go out and find out about the truth.

James, as the years have gone by, has also gained confidence enough to occasionally try and drop a hint to Arktos that his feelings run deeper than just simply loyalty. And Arktos has actually become a little less oblivious and started to pick up on James' crush on him, albeit he only notices it occasionally.

Here's just random other doodles of this AU!

The first doodle was just an experiment with album design style, but then I thought of my AU and l got the idea of redesigning Arktos for this AU. Once I decided to redesign him, I drew the other two sketches and then decided to redesign James as well because, why not, and also for the same reason I redesigned Arktos, that being them looking too similar to my main Tabaluga fanon/canon/AU designs for them!

Poor Tabaluga in this AU has an ongoing identity crisis. He wonders if he is really the Prince of Eiswelt or if he is the last of his kind. Honestly, if he ever were to find out what happened to his species, he would need lots and LOTS of therapy.

And finally this doodle (which actually features an actual design for Tyrion!)! This scene is a little doodle is of a point where Arktos decides to go to Drachen Rock to mock to Tyrion about how well he's raising the dead dragon's son. But Tyrion isn't even bothered, in fact he's amused! Because as Tyrion points out, it's quite ironic that Arktos is raising the last child of the species he swore to destroy. By the end of the scene, and Arktos is leaving, he is strating to have internal conflicts on whether or not he's actually starting to get attached to Tabaluga as his son more than a tool for power. Basically, Arktos starts to wonder if he has started to think of Tabaluga as his son.

(Also I keep saying ''potentially'' to signify events that have the potential to occur in this AU at some point, but at the same time they have the potential to not occur. I know, confusing, but just stick w/ it)

[arcplaysgames]

I gave Margaret the fiery cat mount of a Hindu goddess and she immediately wanted to ride it. Margaret is great.

Also, randomly, look at Kanji's fucking Strength stat. Jesus fuck. If you put him in a fight with Akihiko, I don't know what would happen. Like, Aki's hot mad-on luck and crits but Kanji has almost 600 HP. It's fucking wild. /smooches my lightning bruisers

After Naoto's rescue, SOMEONE in town was upset again. Who the fuck is that! I don't know! IS THAT YOU ADACHI? It's probably not Adachi.

Naoto, if you want to make those folks shut the fuck up, Kanji and I are ready and raring to go, just say the word homeboy.

wow finally someone remembers some actual details. Naoto was

Wait sorry I'm having a brainwave. Yukiko also mentioned the doorbell ringing, and she was grabbed when she went to answer it. I could've sworn Rise said the same thing. It's always someone coming right up to the door and ringing it in broad daylight, and managing to carry the person off without being noticed.

Does this town got any disgruntled taxi guys, UPS drivers, or pizza deliveryfolk? But really, this is always happening at a doorbell, so its someone who is super innocuous. But not Adachi bc he was busy when Rise got grabbed. And Naoto says besides Mitsuo killing Morooka, it's all the same dude.

Access to chloroform is weird. Who would have that. I would google "can you make chloroform at home" but I don't wanna be on a watch list.

stares at wall

that's super weird. Like, big screen TVs are not common in Inaba. There's a reason the party has to go to Junes to get inside, it's one of the only options large enough.

But also, idk if its a red herring or not but there was a big deal made in the beginning by Teddie, telling Reverie and Yosuke "make sure you come in here or I might not find you." So I would assume each victim was thrown into the TV at a different location? But.... maybe not? We've literally never entered the TV through another path.

Okay, Yukiko? The "and she's a girl" like oh man a GIRL? Fuck, then OBVIOUSLY there was nothing to be done but get kidnapped. Yukiko, fucking KANJI GOT KIDNAPPED. Kanji, who definitely weighs more than anyone else on the team and 25 lbs of it is metal chains and studs. Come on.

But also, I never would have called fucking Yosuke to just be rolling with Naoto not being Girl and being surprised to be reminded. And Naoto sounds pleased to get the admittedly juvenile boyish compliment.

Anyway.

One, Naoto is the smartest motherfucker here. Two, Yukiko, you're HILARIOUS.

Kanji, you are fist-fighting Junpei for Best Character in Persona right now.

I continue to be denied "what the fuck is teddie" answers. Tho everyone discusses Personae and Shadows, and Naoto mentioned an unofficial secret report they got their hands on that mentioned Persona as shadows-plus-ego and shadows as suppressed power of humans. Which I don't know if we've been told that explicitly yet, that persona are the same as shadows, but it feels like I knew that.

YOSUKE HANAMURA YOU HAVE BEEN DOING SO WELL AND NOT BEING AN AGGRAVATING LITTLE SHIT, COME ON BRO.

Okay, Rise, I'm so sorry about the idol industry. Like, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. Jesus fuck, you are 15, and the info has been public for "ages." I'm sorry.

ALSO NAOTO USES A BINDER: CONFIRMED. /high fives self

[blarrghe]

trying to develop Rune's personality bc my first playthrough of an RPG always feels a little bland as I learn the game mechanics and make too many decisions that are just what seems fun/interesting and not ~roleplay~ so here are some notes to make her more Character so that she can make Bad Decisions. Just rambling. Screenshot of Rune looking derpy at the end <3

--

Race: Mephistopheles Tiefling

Class: Warlock

Background: Charlatan

Using that to inform things I think she needs a backstory of being kind of a long-standing capital A adventurer. She's not a Baldurian but she's been through Baldur's Gate a few times so sometimes she takes those dialogues, mostly when it's like "oh yeah I know that bar" and less when it's contemporary important figures because the last time she passed through was like a decade ago.

No qualms with lying or mind-reading, she's got warlock powers for a reason.

I think she likes to pretend to know things, esp about magic. Maybe secretly wishes she was a sorcerer. Using that one time she tried to magic a lock and then wound up punching it instead to inform the character trait 'full of shit about magic'. She tries, but when all else fails she's just naturally very strong and intimidating looking. She has a secret "real name" but goes by Rune because it makes her sound like a Magic Expert. She's like if a circus strongman left the circus and went around pretending to be a professor and selling trinkets.

Entered into a warlock pact to impress a former lover? And fellow performer? I think maybe she wanted to add some fun fiery devil magic to her act and made a pact and then idk ran away from the circus when shit got real. Yeah let's just say that Rune was a circus performer in her (younger) youth.

Soft spot for kids. She was an entertainer after all, the laughter of children gives her life. Kids love the over-the-top scary devil magic stuff and when she leans into it the response is delighted squealing instead of the more Adult critical side-eye. Super hokey sense of humour too. Had a whole teachable moment with that kid selling rings in the grove.

Tiefling racism mostly just rolls off her like. She doesn't feel a ton of connection to their culture (raised by circus performers, maybe a few tieflings but it was Diverse). But not above leaning in to the rep where it suits her. Just doesn't feel a whole lot of attachment beyond a bit of guilt here and there.

She let the pain guy hit her with the "advanced techniques" at the goblin camp. I do not know if she is precisely Into That but she's got a high pain tollerance and a huge daring streak. Flame swallower sword juggler strongman just wanted to see if she still got it. Also the draw of getting any kind of arcane perk just lights her up.

I haven't picked a romance bc I don't think I've even met all the options yet but I do think she might like to see what tricks Gale has. Asterion clearly thinks she's hot but I can't see her hitting that. I CAN see her teaming up with him for just the biggest baddest cons though. She doesn't mix business and pleasure she learned that lesson ;) so.

I can see her hooking up with Shadowheart but just because she's like, really pretty. Rune is still hung up on her bardic ex-lover from the circus (aka the halfling bard I made in early access and didn't really play) and just sampling the fruit idk.

Fundamentally she's a pretty good person. Squarely in the chaotic good camp. Wishes she were a true chaotic neutral and she'll lie or threaten for profit literally any time but actual death and violence makes her pretty squeamish. It's all showbiz baby!! Little reality denying freak <3

I gave her those gnarly facial scars so lets say she has some deeply burried childhood trauma (so repressed that even idk what happened) that makes her a bit of a danger magnet/risk fetishist, super protective of kids, and rigidly opposed to mass acts of violence.

Ok this is fairly solid (and close enough to my usual archetype to be easy to roleplay lmao) here's my gorl:

every time I catch her in this pose her right eye is just a little squinty lmao. lazy eye resulting from a torch juggling incident idk.