#again a lot of people with the knee surgeries are on that boat

[cainite-bite]

i love when dumbasses are like “we should ban transitions because what if/this one person regretted doing it” because like..... I regretted my gallbladder surgery to get it removed- should I advocate to have it banned so no one else can have it done? I have known 7 people who have regretted surgery for a knee, should we just say because those 7 regretted it (and there are plenty more out there) that we shouldnt allow anyone access to it?

[thebiscuiteternal]

“A Bird in the Hand” Friendship <3, Mutual Interests (Sorta Not Really), Hidden Identities, Kidnapping, The Ship Is A Huge Spoiler Sorry

__________

Having decided he was going to lose his mind if he had to listen to the constant chatter about scores and techniques for one more moment, Nie Huaisang quietly slips out of the dining hall and heads out into the early evening air.

Just a little time to himself to clear his head, that’s all he needs. A short walk, and then he’ll go back. If Da-ge gets upset about him wandering off here… well, he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. 

Movement in the bush next to him startles him a little, but not enough for him to miss that the small reddish-pink form darting out of the leaves is flying very oddly.

Wing damage at the very least, he calculates. If he doesn’t intervene, it’s probably going to be a predator’s meal soon.

Concern replaces his earlier exasperation; he changes course from the path he’d been planning to take and begins tracking where it might land next instead. 

---

The erratic flight pattern makes his task a little more difficult, but there is still a bit of light left in the sky when he finally snares the wounded and bedraggled puff of feathers -a rosefinch, one he hasn’t ever seen this particular color and pattern of- and very gently deposits it in his lap. 

“Shh, you’ll be fine,” he soothes, carefully rubbing the poor thing’s cheek with a fingertip to calm it down before reaching into his sleeve for his usual pouch of supplies. “See? I’m here to help.”

Once the bird is gorging itself -no, himself- on seeds, he begins inspecting and carefully cleaning the injuries. He was right about the wing, plus there are nasty cuts to a leg and another to the neck. Claw marks, most likely. “Poor darling, you must have just escaped a cat,” he coos softly as he takes out thread and thin strips of cloth.

“Interesting.”

Nie Huaisang only just barely manages to avoid jostling his patient when he jumps slightly at the unexpected new voice, then freezes when he turns his head to find a young man wearing red and white robes. “Ah! I’m sorry if I entered a restricted area, I just-”

“It’s fine,” the Wen stranger says with a smile. “You haven’t left the guest territories yet.”

“Oh… good. That’s good.” The rosefinch cheeps in his lap and pecks his hand and he looks down and clicks his tongue as he resumes threading the needle he’s holding. “Demanding now that I’ve been nice enough to feed you, aren’t you?”

“May I observe while you work?”

He doesn’t hear the Wen disciple move at all, so when he looks up and finds the young man standing barely a step away, he has to restrain himself from scooting away on reflex. “Er- I suppose? Most people don’t want to,” he says, watching as his new companion takes a seat on a rock next to him.

Up close, there is something slightly unnerving about him. It's the same feeling he notices when Da-ge is trying to intimidate people around him less, like there's something big and dangerous being forced into a too-small hide.

Nie Huaisang swallows and ducks his head, reaching into the supply pouch to produce more seeds for his patient. He finishes prepping the needle and gently coaxes the rosefinch into a better position, feeling an intense gaze on him all the while as he begins the first neat, tight stitches. The bird makes an unhappy noise of pain, but more seeds and petting keeps him from attempting to escape and he only cheeps grumpily to himself as Nie Huaisang works.

"You're very skilled to make it trust you so easily."

Despite himself, he feels his face heat at the rare compliment. Though Da-ge and their cousin Nie Zonghui often try not to get bored whenever they visit the aviary, the only person who’d ever actually been interested in watching this sort of thing was-

He bites his lip and shoves that thought aside. “It’s a lot of practice in patience, mostly,” he says as he finishes with the leg and turns his attention to the wounds that might need to have feathers clipped for proper treatment. “You have to learn how they work, how to follow them without getting them so stressed they accidentally hurt themselves worse, observing flight patterns, all that.”

“Seems like a lot of effort to put in for someone who so infamously avoids it.”

Nie Huaisang stiffens, then forces himself to calm down.

Stupid. He’s wearing Qinghe colors and this disciple probably just saw him hanging around Da-ge. He’s not hard to identify, and his reputation… well.

Still, the unease lingers, though he tries to shake it off by remaining focused on his task. By now the rosefinch is comfortable enough with him that he’s able to gently remove some damaged and bloody feathers. “I just… I like doing this. That’s all.”

“Understandable. A reward only counts as a reward if you want it.”

It’s gotten dark enough for people in the buildings down the path to begin lighting their lanterns, but he’s well-acquainted with working in such conditions. He finishes the neck and wing injuries quickly, the strange disciple remaining in his spot for the duration. 

“There we go, all ready to get better,” he croons sweetly, coaxing the finch to his shoulder, where the bird snuggles into his collar. 

An elegant hand reaches into his view. “May I?” the disciple asks.

“If he’ll let you,” Nie Huaisang says, tilting his head to give space. The rosefinch is having none of it, however, and ducks to hide under his hair with a grouchy little squawk, tiny claws pricking at the nape of his neck. “Or not. Sorry about that.”

The other man’s lips curve in amusement as he draws his hand back. “It’s fine. Patience, as you said.”

Nie Huaisang begins packing up his pouch. The unease from before has faded into a more readily ignored feeling, especially since the disciple hasn’t actually done anything to deserve it. “Do you want to walk back to the pavilion? Da-ge won’t be happy if I stay out much longer. He’s probably not happy with me for staying out this long already, actually.”

“I appreciate the offer,” the other man says as he stands and needlessly dusts his clothing. “But I live in a different part of the compound.” Another smile, slow and interested in a way that makes Nie Huaisang’s face grow warm again. “There are still two more days left in the tournament. Perhaps we’ll cross paths another time.”

“Ah- well- shouldn’t I know your name, then? You already know mine.”

The strange disciple bows, smooth and sharp, not even a fold of cloth wrong. “This humble one is simply Han-er. I look forward to our next meeting, Nie-er, gongzi.”

It is only later, after Nie Huaisang has returned to his own room with the rosefinch, that he realizes somewhere the ��perhaps’ had become a certainty.

---

They do cross paths again, more than once, in fact. 

After the second encounter, Nie Huaisang can’t help but notice that Han-er always seems to find him when he’s entirely alone. 

A spy, maybe? 

Maybe not. He’s been keeping track, and Han-er has never asked him anything particularly pointed about Da-ge or their cousin or anything about them that might be considered ‘vital information’, just the occasional offhand curiosity about their relationship dynamics. Their sects may be on bad terms -very bad terms- but Han-er has been nothing but polite.

By the time of their fourth meeting, he feels guilty for ever having had such suspicious thoughts about the man.

“And how is Minsheng doing this morning?”

“Besides being crushed under the weight of such an auspicious name?” Nie Huaisang asks cheekily, earning another of those amused smiles.

“You cannot deny he has earned it.”

He can’t, really. Once no longer in constant pain, Minsheng has become chatty enough that the finch has received at least one threat of being roasted and eaten.  “He’s recovering at a good pace. I worry about taking him home, though. With the differing climate, he’ll be miserable while his feathers are growing back in.”

Han-er inclines his head and looks away. “Why not leave him with me?” he asks after some consideration. “I do not have your experience, true, but our time has been... enlightening. And he likes me well enough, now.”

It’s… not a bad idea, really. If Nie Huaisang changes the bandages again just before he leaves, all that should be left to do surgery-wise would be to remove the stitches, and he’s seen that Han-er has a steady enough hand for that… “I can draw up some notes for you this afternoon and deliver them and Minsheng before the closing ceremony, would that be alright?”

“Perfect.”

---

He doesn’t actually see Han-er again before his sect departs to go home to Qinghe, having been forced to leave Minsheng and his notes with a guard who’d smirked at him in an extremely discomforting way. It brings back the troubled feeling lurking in the back of his head and leaves him unsure whether he’s unhappy to have missed the meeting, or somehow relieved. 

When word comes several days later that the Cloud Recesses have been burned, he decides on relief.

---

His stomach churns unhappily in a mix of unsatisfied hunger and nausea as they’re dismissed back to their cells after another day of grueling work and so very little food. Each step feels like he’s trying to slog through knee deep mud, and by the time he makes it to their designated hallway, he’s starting to feel dizzy.

Something… something’s wrong. Had the food been spoiled? But no, no one else seems to be...

“Young master?” asks one of the other Nie disciples.

“I’m fine,” he lies, even as it feels like the floor rolls under him like the deck of a boat.

He falls and doesn’t remember hitting the ground.

When he opens his eyes again, the disorientation persists. Something noisy is going on nearby and whatever he’s lying on, it’s too comfortable to be the paper-thin pallet mattress he’d been subjected to for over a week.

This isn’t his cell… Where…?

What is that noise?

Confused, head swimming, he tries to sit up and finds that his hands have been bound behind his back. Before he can start to panic, gentle hands squeeze his shoulders and assist him in rolling over. 

He dimly registers that the sound he’s hearing is the chattering of a bird.

But why would there be a bird-?

A familiar figure leans over him, long fingers sweeping his hair out of his face and down his cheek in an affectionate caress. For the briefest moment, he is grateful to see the face of… perhaps not a friend, but at least someone he knows.

Then ice cold terror seizes his insides when his eyes register the crown on the man’s head.

The Eternal Sun.

“Tell me, little bird,” Wen Ruohan says, smile sharp as a knife’s edge and gaze hungry. “Was I patient enough?”

__________

((Author Note: Okay, so, like, if I’m not remembering wrong, Novel!Ruohan is described as ridiculously young-looking because of his high cultivation. Like, we’re talking 19-ish even though he and Jin Guangshan are the only Great Sect leaders who have at least one fully adult child at the time of the Phoenix Mountain competition. So I thought, what if he leaned in to it? Suckered the other sects by having an older proxy take his place at meetings and conferences so that no one actually knows what he looks like except for some of the Wen Sect’s inner circle?))

[sweetsubharry]

hi! do you have any fic recs of like really fluffy one shots

Hiya!! yes I do!! Aren’t they just the best sometimes?? Sorry this took me a few days to do! I had over 260 fics to go through on ao3 just under fluff (I really need to tidy my bookmarks!)  💖 There’s 79 in this list so it’s a long one!! ^-^

please stay safe and read the tags everyone! :)

freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this by rosesau

Harry (not so) secretly crushes on the cute footie player and fills pages with sketches of him.

Thunder started it by booloveshiscuppycake

Harry's always been scared of thunder storms. But louis' always been there to comfort him. Friendship and comfort turn into love. (Fluffy as shit)

but he cant be what you need (if he's eighteen) by lingerielarries

“I need you to do something for me.” Harry said, pinching his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger.

“It seems like you’re asking me to kill for you, H.” Louis laughed nervously.

“It’s nothing that drastic, I promise. It’s just. I don’t think it’s a secret that I’m not a.. normal eighteen year old.” Louis furrowed his eyebrows at that, narrowing his eyes at the younger boy.

“Are people giving you a hard time?” Louis wondered. Harry shifted in his seat and brushed some of his fringe off his forehead.

“Yeah, that’s. That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.” Harry swallowed nervously. He could feel the sweat pooling at his hairline so he wiped it with the sleeve of his sweater. “I need you to uhm, pretend to be my boyfriend.”

or

the one where harry is sick of getting bullied and casts louis as the hot punk boyfriend to scare them away. louis needs harry to return the favor.

punk!louis and flowerchild!harry

the love is ours to make (so we should make it) by lingerielarries

“I’m.. Harry. I nanny? For Ernest and Doris?” Harry responded.

“A nanny? How old even are you? You look twelve.” Louis remarked. Something caught Louis’ eye, and a closer look revealed that Harry had a coat of pink nail polish on his fingers.

“Nineteen. I’m nineteen.” Harry replied.

“Right. Nineteen, wears pink, flower crowns and paints his nails. Who the actual fuck did my mum hire?”

or

the one where louis takes some time off from life to return home, only to be met with a strange boy in pink and a flowercrown as the nanny of his siblings.

All I See is You by ElegantSurrender

Even with the blood gushing from his nose, he couldn’t keep his thoughts on anything but the boy in front of him. He was just so… pretty. He smiled to himself, which only seemed to worry his boyfriend more.

“Why’re you smiling?” Louis asked confusedly, moving Harry’s bloody hand away, and replacing it with his, pinching his nose shut with a tissue. “You’re bleeding, and you’re fucking smiling.”

“Seeing you makes me happy.”

(or the one where Harry has a bloody nose and Louis takes care of him, and Harry really really loves Louis)

Pretty Blue Eyes (I don't care about the nightmares) by justgotowisharder

Harry has nightmares, Louis hates sharing the bed, they end up talking about dreams, they read Freud and they fall in love in the process.

Breathe by dontlietomehoney

Harry has an asthma attack and Louis is scared to death. What follows after though, scares both boys, pulling them apart and bringing them together.

with your love we could breathe underwater by luminescents

Harry’s brow furrows, a look of confusion spreading over his face. “But I am real. I exist, see,” he says, raising a hand out of the water and wiggling his fingers at Louis.

Louis finds himself relaxing a bit. Harry seems harmless really. And he’s quite cute, for something that’s not supposed to exist. If Louis is indeed having a hallucination right now, at least it’s a cute one.

AU where Harry is a mermaid, Louis is a human, and they both discover a lot more than they anticipated.

yes, you make my life worthwhile by orphan_account

Harry whispers to him that this feels like every dream he’s had for the last three years and Louis kisses his temple, behind his ear, across his cheeks and by the edge of his jaw. He runs the back of his finger across Winnie’s sleep-warm cheeks and sighs, the weight of the world finally off his shoulder.

Louis' a pediatrician, Harry's a preschooler teacher, and they're having a baby.

Weigh Us Down (We're In Love) by orphan_account

Harry’s eyes widen slightly at that. “We’re friends?”

Louis nods eagerly, smiling even wider. “Of course we are! You’re like, my first ever friend here. We just moved in, you see. Did I already tell you about that? Anyway! Maybe you can stay for dinner and I can show you my toys?”

Harry smiles. “You’ll let me play with you?”

Louis nods again, excited. “Of course!” He looks thoughtful for a moment, and then he’s slipping off the couch and crouching in front of Harry. “Oh, and Mum always kisses my wounds after she fixes them up. It makes me feel loads better all the time, so.” He leans forward and puckers his lips, pressing them over the bandage on Harry’s knee.

(harry and louis first meet when they’re eight and ten. this is their story throughout the years.)

Breathe by Jade_eyed

Can you write a Larry high school AU where Harry's a sophomore and Louis' his senior boyfriend and Harry's being bullied during class and has a panic attack and all he's saying is 'Louis' so someone goes into louis' classroom and gets him and louis' like freaking out when he finds out and just really fluffy and stuff i just need this okay

[ I changed it a bit , I'm sorry babe I tried. :( ]

Cause If You Let Me, Here's What I'll Do by stylesforstiles

Five times where Harry is Louis' baby

Zero Means Nothing When I'm With You by StripedAndBowtied

Louis doesn't know what he's looking for until he finds it.

Harry just knows he may defy his gender norms, with his height and clumsiness, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want litters of pups running around while he does domestic things all day long.

In other words, boy meets boy and no one can stop pining.

All my senses come to life by erikaeurekajoe

And it was true. Harry's senses were all coming to life, on overdrive in fact because a handsome blue-eyed stranger was holding his hands.

Because of Louis Tomlinson's Arse by AggressiveStress

One in which Harry is a clumsy Uni student that first sees Louis leaning over, picking up his things with his arse very prominent. Harry then falls down the stairs and Louis- wearing a nice little beanie- helps him back to his feet.

In All Its Imperfections by BriaMaria

From: Louis Tomlinson To: Undisclosed Recipients

Hello!

I’ve asked the front desk and you lovely folks are the ones who are on the same level as me in the car park. I found a to-do list today that looked somewhat important because it has lines of poetry scribbled at the bottom that seemed like they might be for a card project. The stationary has a moose in a canoe at the top of it (and he is quite adorable). Let me know if it’s yours!

Cheers!

“Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Harry whispered, his eyes darting over the sentences again willing them not to make sense. They did, they did make sense. “Oh. My. Bloody. Fucking. God.”

The next thing he knew he was on the floor, staring at the ceiling, with a very concerned Liam hovering over his head.

"What happened, mate?" Liam asked.

Harry just pointed to his computer.

Liam bent over Harry’s desk to read the email. “What? This isn’t bad. Is that your to-do list? Did you finally come up with the inside text for those cards?”

“Leeyum" he groaned. “It’s what’s on the list.”

“Oh,” Liam paused for a beat. “Is it dirty stuff?”

Harry nodded.

There was more silence. And then, “Dirty stuff with Louis?”

Delirious in Love by yourpricelessadvice (orphan_account)

Louis is there for Harry waking up from minor surgery; he wouldn't miss it for the world. For two reasons.

Stars Will Align For Us by 2tiedships2

"The serial monogamist is single," Niall said by way of introduction when he sat down across from Harry in the canteen.

Harry sipped his chocolate milk. "What are you going on about?"

"Your alpha dream boat," Niall said. "That tiny little footie player? I heard from Hannah that he's broken it off with his boyfriend so he’s single and ready to flamingle. Now's the time to make your move."

Harry sipped his chocolate milk harder to keep himself from replying.

Or the one where Harry is an omega at a loss of how to get past his pining and gain the attention of Louis...especially considering the alpha is always in a relationship.

(twenty minutes later) wound up in the hospital by callmelover

“Baby, I think a quick trip to A&E might do you some good, hm?” Louis keeps his voice as calm as possible. He doesn't want to startle Harry or make him scared, but he knows that Harry’s fever is too high and he can't risk Harry choking himself into another attack when he's so poorly.

He hears a sharp intake of breath come for Harry and he knows Harry is starting to panic. Louis moves his hand from Harry's hair to his back, rubbing circles into his sweat-soaked shirt.

“No, no. Shh, don't worry, darling. Everything is okay, you’ll be okay. I just know that the doctors will be able to make you feel much better much sooner than I can...Just want you to get healthy as soon as possible, okay?”

-

or the one where harry has the flu and louis is a protective, nervous-wreck of a boyfriend

You live in my heart by styleztomlinson

As soon as they’re done with their set, Louis only has one thing on his mind and that’s to get out of there as soon as possible.or,Harry is sick during their performance at the iHeartRadio festival. Afterwards, Louis takes cares of his baby, and dotes on his husband.

Take Care by secretlylarry

Louis really does love to take care of Harry when he's sick.

if we got nothing, we got us by tumsa

Harry is Louis' baby and he's sick as well.

Peppermint and Lavender (and Coffee) by 2tiedships2

“He was there again,” Louis announced by way of greeting. “Lottie was right and she can never know.”

"What the fuck are you talking about?” Niall asked as he snapped his laptop closed.

“The omega, Niall. He was there today. Just sitting in the corner looking pretty. Or at least his back is. He hasn’t turned around when I’m available to see. I know he’s beautiful though.”

"Okay?” Niall questioned. “What does that have to do with Lottie?”

Louis let out a huff. "She told me I shouldn’t work at a coffee shop. She was right.”

Or the one where Louis might have met the love of his life in a coffee shop. But that’s not how it’s supposed to happen.

So Long I've Been Waiting by kikikryslee

Niall held up his glass in a toast. “Cheers.” Harry stared at Louis as he brought the glass up to his lips, unsure of what to do. It wasn’t like he could refuse the drink, but he certainly didn’t want to have any champagne. Louis monitored everyone else, and as soon as they all had their heads tilted back, drinking their mimosa, he reached out and knocked Harry’s glass right out of his hand, sending it crashing to the floor. “Oh, no!” Louis pretended to be shocked at what had just happened. “Harry, you’re so clumsy. You dropped your glass.” “Yes,” Harry said seriously. “I am very clumsy.” --- Or, the one where Harry and Louis are having their first baby, and keeping it a secret until the end of the first trimester is a lot harder than they thought it would be.

Nothing's Gonna Stop Me But Divine Intervention by kikikryslee

“So… what’s next on the soul mate search?” Louis asked. “I don’t know,” Harry answered. “Whatever I’m doing isn’t working. I’m not finding him anywhere.” “He’ll get here. I know it." “Yeah. I know he’s out there somewhere; I just have to figure out where.” --- Or, the soul mate AU where Harry overthinks everything having to do with finding the love of his life, and Louis doesn't think there's a Mr. Right for him at all. It takes them a while to realize that their soul mate is the person they want it to be: each other.

We Made These Memories for Ourselves by supernope

Breath held, Harry squints his eyes open and focuses on the first stick. A blue line. Harry breathes out an unsteady breath. He’s pretty sure he read that one blue line is a negative, but he fishes the box from the bottom of the pile just to make sure.

“Negative,” he confirms, voice echoing around the small room. “Next.”

Now that he’s feeling a little less shaky, he scans the rest of the tests at once, is met with a headache-inducing mixture of pink plus signs and blue double lines. His heart rate picks up until it’s pounding triple-time in the base of his throat and the pit of his stomach, thundering in his ears and throbbing in his temples. He flips over the rest of the boxes slowly, but he knows what they’re going to say before he even looks.

[or, Louis is a footballer, Harry owns a bakery, and they're having a baby.]

taken by the wind by scrunchyharry

When he decided to move to London with his sister, Harry thought he would finally get to learn how to control his magic. He couldn't possibly have predicted that he would fall for her neighbour.

Or the one where Harry is a clumsy witch and Louis is making everything worse just by existing.

Piece by Piece by SadaVeniren

He rubbed his hand over his lower stomach and closed his eyes. Louis was going to lose his fucking mind.

(aka Harry tells Louis he's pregnant and it goes as expected)

And We Linger On by stylesforstiles

Harry is pouting. Louis takes care of him

There's a Hole In My Soul, Can You Fill It? by stylesforstiles

Sometimes Harry is so tired. Louis always wants to fix it.

one glance and the avalanche drops by Wankerville

It's strange, honestly, having someone so gorgeous in his kitchen, and not only physically gorgeous, but, like, the everything else gorgeous. The type of gorgeous that Louis wants his life to always be covered in. The type of gorgeous he wants lying in sweatpants and an old t-shirt on his couch when he gets home from class. The type of gorgeous he wants to have shoving crisps down the front of his shirt. The type of goddamn gorgeous he wants to kiss, and coddle, and like, love.

Which is ridiculous- he doesn't know him. Pfft.

(or an au wherein louis buys a christmas tree and harry is the boy in leggings who delivers it. they are a christmas classic.)

Do Not Falter (There's a Star Ahead) by LadyLondonderry

It's Christmas Eve, and every single one of Louis' family members are crowded inside his little flat. Really, what more could he ask for on his birthday?

The present he never knew he wanted - in the form of an omega from his past - might just make this his most memorable Christmas.

Right Here Waiting by lovelarry10

Louis and Harry are expecting a baby. Harry's heavily pregnant and nesting madly, determined to make their home ready for their baby.

Blow Out the Candles, Baby by iwillpaintasongforlou

Louis' been planning Harry's 20th birthday party for weeks, and Harry's too sick to move. Louis might be the kind of sap who tries to nurse him back to health with cuddles and jokes and cupcakes for two.

Never Let You Fall by iwillpaintasongforlou

Harry slips on stage and gets a minor concussion, and Louis insists that he spend the night in the hospital just in case. He then turns into a protective baby lion because that is his Harry and he'll be damned if anything happens to him on Louis' watch. Harry rolls his eyes a lot but doesn't really mind.

Asthma and Bad Jokes by Larry_Klaine_Stylinson

When Harry has an asthma attack on stage, Louis has to go and help him. He leaves Niall in charge of keeping the audience entertained.

All I Need is Oxygen (and You) by lululawrence

There are only two ways to navigate Bloomfield High School: become popular or make yourself invisible.

With the help of his best mate Niall, Harry’s introduction to high school hadn’t been half bad. Despite being a “bandie” – the lowest of the low in the ancient hierarchy of high school –Harry had somehow managed to survive freshman year relatively unscathed. So naturally, Harry would have been perfectly happy to resume his position of invisible trombone player number four for the remainder of high school. But one day something drastic happened, something that would change the course of Harry’s entire existence (probably).

It was the last football game of his freshman year, and the band was back in the stands after performing a rousing rendition of Bloomfield’s alma mater during half time. Harry was gracelessly wiping the slobber from the mouthpiece of his trombone when he saw him.

Louis Tomlinson.

Or...a High School AU where Harry is a bandie and Louis is the epitome of cool, so naturally, Harry must find a way to get his attention and win his affections.

i’d burn this city down to show you the light by you_explode

Harry's a sheltered rich kid and Louis's a punk with a heart of gold. They meet when Louis breaks into Harry's house, Harry obtains an instant and all-encompassing crush, and they spend the summer falling into a whirlwind romance.

put your head on my shoulder by wayfared

Niall gives Harry until the end of marching season to either a) make a move on Louis Tomlinson or b) get the fuck over him. Either is easier said than done. Basically, your High School AU with a drum beat.

we should get jerseys, 'cause we make a good team by ellisaco

Harry's not very good at football, but he's aces at cheering Louis on.

Snow by hlftanna

Louis hid something from him. Harry was 100% sure of that. He knew him better than he knew himself. And. He. Hid. Something. From. Him. Harry just hasn't figured out what. Because if Louis wanted to hide something from anyone he usually succeeded because he was Louis Tomlinson.

Use Your Words by zedi

based off this prompt: collage au where jock!harry always serenades flowercrown!louis with love songs in their music class. what nobody knows is that harry actually kinda means the words he sings.

But instead it's Louis as the jock and Harry as the flowerchild because I do what I want.

see the truth (it's me for you) by orphan_account

If you asked Louis the first day of his French Literature class what he’d be doing on the last, he’d probably never have guessed it would involve helping a poorly Harry Styles study for the final exam. Good thing he’s not a betting man.

(Or the one where Louis and Harry spend an entire semester ignoring each other after a one-night stand, only to come face to face when Harry manages to catch the stomach flu during finals week. Sometimes fate is funny like that.)

calling out for somebody to hold tonight by heartinsidemine

“Dunno why I can’t sleep,” is the first thing Harry says into the still, quiet night.

“New flat, new noises,” Louis murmurs, finally setting the kettle on the stove and turning properly toward him. “New responsibilities, too, eh? Second year, you’re working your way up in the world.”

Harry rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Nothing’s really new, though, is it? I mean, the location, but… I’ve got the same job I had last year, same basic courses, same workload…” He sighs out, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You and me are in the same boat, though,” Louis murmurs to him. He hates seeing Harry like this, even though rationally he knows that he can’t do anything about Harry’s insomnia. “Finding it difficult to sleep myself. Was gonna turn on the telly, maybe the cooking channel until I fall asleep. Care to join me?”

He doesn’t think twice about the offer before making it; it only makes sense. They’re both exhausted and they both sleep better with a cuddle, and anyway Louis would absolutely rather have a conversation partner than only the walls of his room for company.

Running Down To The Riptide by sweaterpawstyles

"I can't give you your present yet, Lou."

Louis furrowed his brows. "And why is that, my love?"

Harry smiled at his lap. "Because your present is under my sweater," he pulled his free hand that wasn't laced with Louis' and gently laid it on his stomach. "I'm pregnant."

Or

It's New Year's Eve and Harry has a surprise under his sweater

Song For The Springtime by sunshiner

“Cherry blossoms,” Harry mumbles. “The solution’s cherry blossoms.”

Uni AU.

the happiest place in our universe by tippytoetomlinstyles

Harry holds Louis’ hand and looks around at all the exciting and beautiful things and Louis looks at him because he finds him the most beautiful and exciting thing there is.

or the one where Louis takes Harry to Disneyland and Harry convinces Louis to wear Mickey Mouse ears to match his Minnie Mouse ears.

Made From Love by lovelarry10

It's almost Christmas, and amongst the preparations, Louis' realised something about his husband Harry.

Harry, however, seems to be oblivious.

Louis' determined to open Harry's eyes and make him realise the real magic that's happening this Christmas...

Another Constellation to Trace by screwstyles

Louis wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m winning that bet.”

“What bet?” comes Niall’s excited voice from behind them, followed by footsteps. “I wanna be in on the bet!” he shouts, prompting Harry to quickly roll down his shirt sleeve and straighten his shirt where it’s still crinkly after Louis’ hands.

Niall takes one look at them and purses his lips in a tight line. “Were you guys making out again? Isn’t the fire meant to die down a bit after eight years?”

“Trust me, the fire is still very much alive,” Louis winks at Harry. “One could even say it’s cooking something.”

-

Mpreg AU: Louis and Harry bet on who can keep Harry's pregnancy a secret for longer. Neither of them is particularly good at it, and it doesn't help that their soulmate tattoos make it even harder.

another pair of feet by honey_beeing

where Harry is pregnant and Louis is an oblivious idiot.

We Were Made to Love by supernope  

“Everything all sorted? Need help with the buckles? I know they’re a bit tricky in this compartment.”

The voice startles Louis out of his daze, and he turns toward the voice to let him know he figured it out. When he catches sight of the owner of the voice, though, his response dies in his throat. Whatever he had imagined the conductor of a children’s train that rides around the shopping centre in Leeds would look like, this is certainly not it.

Leaning through the window, arms folded across the sill, is a green-eyed angel with cherry red lips stretched wide in a smile and dimples flirting in his cheeks. A black conductor’s hat is the only confirmation that this is not some gorgeous stranger who’s come to flirt with Louis through the window of a children’s train, but is just a man doing his job.

[or, Harry drives a kiddie train in the shopping centre for the summer and is obsessed with babies, and Louis never stood a chance.]

here comes the sun by orphan_account

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Louis promises, his pink, chapped lips moving slowly in the cold. It matches the beanie on his head—pink, because they found out this morning that they’re having a girl and that’s just.

Harry’s going to be a dad. To a little girl. Five months from now he’ll be holding her in his arms, and she’ll be so lovely and small.

They’re going to have a spring baby and she’s probably going to have Louis’ eyes. What a blessing that would be. Harry crosses his fingers on the hand inside his pocket, hoping that she does. He’ll love her either way—blue or green or even brown eyes, it doesn’t matter—but he’d really like them to be blue, he thinks.

[Harry is a pediatric specialist, Louis is a neurosurgeon. All they want is a baby.]

So Put Your Hands In (The Holes of My Sweater) by Kat_rawr

“Are you gonna kiss me then?” He asks so quiet he isn’t even sure Louis heard him.

“I think it’s bad luck if I don’t.“ Louis’ breath is hot on Harry’s skin in the cold air. They stand in the dark; Louis’ face only lit up by the yellow-ish light from the street light a few metres away. The light over the door of their building hasn’t worked in years.

“Okay,” Harry says, and of course his cheeks heat up. There are definitely butterflies in stomach and his mouth is definitely dry.

or,

Harry and Louis go on a lot of not-dates

A Little Kind of Magic by Star55

A tiny tale of Louis' Very Important Birthday and Christmas at Hogwarts that Harry loves celebrating with his best friend whom he absolutely is not in love with. No matter what Niall says. (He's a little in love with Louis.)

it tastes like you, only sweeter by EmmyLouWho

Sometimes Harry hates being a second year, like when all his older friends get to go to Hogsmeade and he has to stay behind in the castle. Luckily, Harry has a Louis to make everything better.

For the prompt: “I’m not allowed to go to Hogsmeade but you always tell me stories about it and bring me candy from Honeydukes”

Sun-Dappled by QuickedWeen

Louis and his best friend Harry are in their seventh year at Hogwarts, facing down their future together. Louis has been in love with his best friend for as long as he can remember, and he begins to feel a sense of urgency as the second semester begins. Finally he hatches a plan to tell Harry about his feelings on Harry's birthday.

Sweet Like Sunshine by orphan_account

When Louis saves him from some seventh years bullying him on his lack of Quidditch skills, Harry takes offense. Louis offers to teach him to make up for it. They fall in love somewhere along the way.

Featuring one exasperated Niall, trips to Hogsmede and many flying sessions.

Follow Me Down This Time by supernope

Harry first noticed Louis in his second term at Hogwarts, and despite three years of inventing ways to stumble across Louis, he's never managed to actually work up the courage to speak to him. Also known as, self-indulgent Hogwarts AU, because every fandom needs Hogwarts AUs.

For Reasons Wretched and Divine by panicmoonwalk

Niall’s head was sitting in the fireplace, wide grin lighting up his features as flames licked the bright tips of his hair. Louis promptly dropped his tray at the sight.

“Bloody hell!” He yelled, half at the sudden appearance of Niall in the fire and half at the scalding cocoa he’d just dropped on his bare foot. “What are you doing?!”

Niall just continued to grin, clearly highly amused by Louis hopping on one foot and desperately trying to search for a weapon he could use to beat his friend’s head out of the fireplace.

“Well,” Niall began. “We’re going on an adventure!”

Or, the one where Louis and Harry’s Christmas holiday at Hogwarts is rudely interrupted when they’re dragged off on a tropical wizard’s vacation, featuring some angry centaurs, a spell gone wrong, and the ‘weirdest birthday anyone’s ever had. Ever’.

Loving with a Little Twist by hrrytomlinson

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know Niall! I just promised my mother I’m bringing my boyfriend - a boyfriend I don’t have - to Thanksgiving dinner. What should I do? I can’t call back and be like, ‘Oh yeah mom, that boyfriend I said that I have, I don’t actually have. Sorry to disappoint you.’ My life is ruined.” Harry returns to suffocating himself with the pillow.

Niall laughs and Harry growls at his best friend’s unwarranted happiness in this life-ending situation. Harry is fucked. Fuck. He needs a boyfriend. Fuck.

(or a thanksgiving themed fake/pretend relationship au)

everywhere (i wanna be with you) by itiswhatitisbutterfly

Harry and Louis meet because they have terrible friends, they fall in love because something feels right in a world of uncertainty and shifting grounds. Louis is an actor and Harry is a model at the top of his game, the best things in life are the most unexpected ones and the things that hit you when you are least expecting it.

Featuring winter in London, nights in Paris, early mornings in New York, burning heat in Monte Carlo and an enduring love spent transcending four corners of the globe.

on a wednesday, in a cafe by wreckedboyfriends

“What can I get for you today?” he asked without looking up, arranging the last of the pastries.

“Have any recommendations? Never been here before, actually.” Harry hit his head on the top of the case in his haste to look at the source of the voice. It was a really beautiful voice, small and high and just lovely, if a voice could be lovely. Harry thought so. “Alright, mate?” the man asked when Harry finally composed himself, rubbing the top of his head as he took his place at the register.

Harry opened his eyes, and fuck. If Harry had thought his voice was lovely, the man himself was on a whole other level. “Alright, mate?” He repeated and shit. Harry had been openly staring for quite awhile, hadn’t he?

“Yeah,” Harry replied, and it came out sounding like a semi trailer running over gravel. He cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he repeated. “Um, the cherry danish is quite good, I think. ’S my favorite.”

The man smiled. “One cherry danish it is, then.”

OR Harry’s spent the last year with six locks on his door, a pair of too-flamboyant boots buried in the back of his closet, and insecurity issues the size of a mammoth. Louis changes some of that, but Harry changes the most.

I Long For You by AnotherAnonymousWriter

Thirty minutes later, he's sat on a bench in Hyde Park with a book in his lap and a travel mug with hot tea in his hand. Not far from where he's sat, a group of boys are playing football and a bunch of children are chasing each other. Life is good.

Or at least, life is good until he hears a familiar “LOOK OUT!” and sees a football flying in the direction of his face.

And then everything is black.

(Harry gets hit in the head by various objects and falls for a boy with blue eyes.)

Let It Snow by thebrainisafunnyplace

Bakery owner Harry Styles is always cold, until he hires local university student, Louis Tomlinson to work as a cashier. When the storm of the year hits, the boys find themselves stuck together inside the bakery the night before Christmas Eve. Luckily, they have each other to keep warm.

everything i can arrange, every part of me you change by orphan_account

“Don’t you try that shit with me,” Niall spits the second he reaches Louis, pulling off the hood with force. “What the hell is this?” He plops down next to Louis on the empty bleacher and unceremoniously pushes a sheet of crumpled paper in his face.

Netflix and Chill Buddy Application

It’s like no matter how hard Louis tries, he can’t seem to run away from this stupid fucking flyer. All the girls (and some of the boys) in every one of his classes have been talking about it all week. It’s on every wall of every building on campus. Louis went for a jog last night and he nearly tripped and died over a loose one on the football track.

[Harry needs a big spoon and Louis refuses to let anyone steal his position. Based on this post.]

No words by becharlatan

Harry is a music student who never talks because he's a total introvert. Louis happens to bump into him by accident and as if like the constellations, the two have aligned their paths together despite their differences.

Sun Emoji Moon Emoji by mybeanieandme

For the prompt:

University!au: Harry works at a cafe as the busboy and Louis just really wants to get to know him. (Louis pines for an insecure Harry for a semester)

nonstop earthquake dreams of you by lumineres

And there's heat behind it, blazing, plasmatic, like stars crashing together, like an explosion in space, like a supernova, like a black hole--everything else sucked out of existence. There's no bed and there's no pillow and they're not lying down, just floating somewhere, somehow, and there's no room and there's no X Factor house and there's no Niall snuffling or Liam's deep, even breathing and there's no wind or traffic outside and there's no hum of the heating unit and it's all just Louis. All encompassingly Louis.

or, harry falls hard and finds louis already at the bottom

Kiss From A Rose by lovelarry10

Harry is the quiet one in the office no one ever notices. Until Louis does, that is. When notes start appearing on Harry’s desk, he ponders who is behind the kind words, oblivious to Louis’ attempts to get his attention...

Black Cat by lalune15

Inspired by this tumblr post (not asked or requested): fic where louis works at a haunted house jumping out at people and harry’s friends drag him along even though he doesn’t really like haunted houses. when louis jumps out to scare their group, harry freaks out and accidentally jumps into louis’s arms. louis just squeaks. harry ends up sitting there with louis the rest of his shift and totally doesn’t come back every night after that.

Be Mine, For Always by zams

Louis is happy when Harry is happy. That's what Louis wants, and so when Louis starts feeling weird when Harry cuddles with Liam, Zayn, or Niall instead of him, he keeps quiet. But the burning, uncomfortable feeling Louis gets deep in his stomach when he sees Harry contentedly nuzzling Liam's neck, or Harry's arms and legs tangled around Niall like an octopus, or Harry's face smushed in Zayn's stomach as Zayn plays with his hair only gets worse as the days go by.

Loosen Up My Buttons by softfonds

The beautiful man opened this bakery about a year ago. He remembered the exact day he came: a glum, rainy morning in the middle of February, which instantly turned brighter the minute he saw him. The man had come in with some paint buckets and tools, and Louis doubted he would be able to fix up the drab place all by himself. But as he walked down the stairs at the end of the day and saw the man standing there in the middle of a gorgeous pink and white shop, clearly proud of his work, Louis fell in love at first sight. If only he knew how to talk to him.

Usually, Louis knew how to flirt. He prided himself on it. But every time he looked at the beautiful man, he completely forgot how to form sentences, and there was no way he could go up to him only to make a fool of himself. That was the last thing he needed.

Or, Louis owns a tattoo shop called Pretty in Ink, Harry owns a bakery called Rolling Scones, they haven't been introduced, and Valentine’s Day seems like the perfect opportunity to finally talk to the man Louis has been pinning over for the past year. And they both end up with more love than they bargained for.

Coffee Cups and Football Boots by kimtaedumb

Harry’s stood behind the counter again, but this time he’s painting his nails. Louis strolls up to the counter and, thanks to his no brain-to-mouth filter, blurts out, “Isn’t that a little girlish, Haz?” leaning closer to inspect.

Harry lets out a little huff as his hand slips, “Oh, damn, now I’ve messed it up,” he pouts and turns to Louis, “Why should making myself feel pretty be girly?”

Louis holds up his hands in surrender, “’M not judging, jus’ curious is all.”

(The entirely cheesy and cliché Christmas AU, in which Harry doesn’t give a damn what people think about him – mostly – and Louis may be a little bit in love.

Alternatively, the one in which Harry owns a café that’s barely scraping by and Louis is a footballer and he takes Harry away for Christmas.

Featuring Zayn as a cocky little shit that most definitely needs to be put back in his place, Niall as the loveable Irish dude who drinks too much and flirts with Zayn more than the average girl, and Liam who loves everyone but hates them all at the same time.)

you make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong by orphan_account

“Curly?” Louis says, stepping into Harry’s sight. “You okay?” Harry looks up from where he has two things in his hands, a thick winter coat sized for a newborn, and a sweatshirt fitting a grown man such as himself. He looks up at Louis, stricken, and holds them out for him to see. “They’re the same price,” he says. “They’re both forty dollars! Forty dollars for such little material.”

(or, Harry is pregnant and stops at the mall to buy cheap baby clothes. Louis has extra money from working a long shift, and he can't think of a better way to spend it than on him.)

you were the ocean, i was drawn into you by by orphan_account

where harry takes pictures and worries too much and louis plays guitar.

i'll be your sunflower by scagnetism

“What do you think’s gonna stop us now?” Harry says cheekily, laughter in his voice as he looks up at Louis. “Something’s gotta get in our way like always, doesn’t it?”

“Ha,” Louis grins, kissing his cheek and holding open the door for him as they make their way toward the car. “Nothing’s gonna interrupt us this time. ‘S gonna be perfect, just like Pumpkin.”

Or, a few interruptions aren't going to stop Harry from having a perfect pregnancy and having the family he and Louis have always dreamed of.

Send Me Your Pillow (The One That You Dream On) by flowercrownfemme

Harry is embarrassed to realize he's nesting but can't stop stealing Louis' things for his nest.

Short fluffy o/o gaybo drabble with lots of cuddles and softness and sock stealing <3

As one we are everything/We are everything we need by louloubaby92

Harry finally marries the love of his life. He's got the mating mark, he's got Louis' ring on his finger.

And now, he's on his honeymoon. Louis is but a door away, waiting for him.

Honestly, he doesn't understand why he's nervous.

only guilty of loving you by sweetrevenge

After Harry gets set up with his co-worker's alpha friend Louis, he's expecting some pleasant conversation, free dinner, and maybe a new friend. What he doesn't expect, however, is that Louis' arrival in his life begins a life of crime Harry never knew he had in him.

A You've Got Mail!AU with a twist.

[hurricanery]

If the Sun Comes Up - pt. 1

Apologies for the long A/N: This is the start of an AU fic inspired by this prompt & this prompt. It follows Amelia & Link, along with many others, in their first year as interns at seattle grace hospital. Thank you for sending character requests about this one! I settled on a few, but other characters are likely to show up later on as residents/attendings. Also, sidenote: this is completely an AU, meaning I just kind of grouped people together based on my interpretation of age (not that age really makes sense in the greys world anyways). This chapter is somewhat boring, basically just a set up for the characters and dynamic of the story. Thank you as always for feedback and prompts <3

In summary, the main interns in focus are: Amelia Shepherd, Atticus Lincoln, Maggie Pierce, Winston Ndugu, Jo Wilson, & Lexie Grey. The ship this focuses on is Amelink <3

_______

That's how it starts

We go back to your house

We check the charts

And start to figure it out

_______

(Hour 1)

“No, no, no,” she mutters impatiently, hastily climbing out of her car, her jacket catching in the door as she slams it shut. “God dammit, son of a-”

She tugs her jacket free and sighs in exasperation as she begins walking at a pace that could quite possibly challenge olympic level speed-walkers.

Amelia Shepherd was a lot of things.

Sharp. Cunning. Confident. Prepared. Most of the time.

But, throughout her lifetime, she’d also been described in less elevating ways. Unpredictable. Impulsive. Irresponsible. She laughs bitterly when her mind settles on the last adjective, as she scurries through the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital.

Because she was a lot of things. And late for the first day of her surgical internship was now getting added to the list.

_______

“Pierce, Lincoln, Wilson, Ndugu, Grey, Shepherd!” Chief Webber’s voice booms through the chaos of the crowded locker room. Interns begin stepping forward as their names are called. “Pierce, Lincoln, Wilson, Ndugu, Grey, and Shepherd,” he beckons again, “Your assigned resident is Dr. Karev.”

Alex scowls intimidatingly as five out of his six interns approach him by the door.

“Let’s move,” he mutters, starting to walk swiftly through the corridor of the hospital while the interns trail behind him.

“I have five rules,” he stops walking suddenly, and the sound of halting sneakers squeaks behind him. “First rule…” He trails off, turning around to look pointedly at each of their faces. “There are five of you here, who’s missing?”

The group looks between each other in confusion, shrugging amongst themselves. Alex peers down at each of their ID badges.

“Where’s Shepherd?”

More shrugs.

“Where’s Shepherd?” He repeats, louder this time.

“I’m here, I’m here!” Amelia’s breathless voice chimes distantly behind the group as she jogs to meet them. She comes to a stop, huffing out a breath as she pushes strands of her long, dark hair out of her face.

Alex glares at her, arms folding across his chest.

“Okay forget the rules, we’re out of time,” He growls. “You five,” He looks between those of his interns that were on time today. “You’ll be joining me in the gallery for a groundbreaking surgery.”

There’s excited murmurs throughout the group.

“I’m serious. The surgery you’re about to witness….you will likely never see anything like it again. You will be silent. You will take notes. And you will not embarrass me.”

The excited murmurs turn to anxious nods.

“Shepherd,” Alex continues, an evil smirk taking over his expression. Amelia gulps. “Your last name is not going to save your ass right now.” He laughs. “I have this dude who’s taking up a bed down in the pit. He won’t stop throwing up. He’s a junkie. You’re gonna go clean him up, give him an IV, and send him home. And then maybe you can come find us.”

Amelia sighs, stepping forward slightly to defend herself. “Are you sure? Don’t you think I should see-”

“I didn’t ask for a response,” he interrupts her. “I asked you to head to the pit.”

Amelia blinks, her hands dropping to her sides in defeat. She watches as the rest of her intern class hurries off to witness a groundbreaking surgery without her.

_______

(Hour 8)

Amelia slowly shuffles through the dimly lit basement of Seattle Grace, following the sounds of her fellow interns’ voices.

“Ugh, Atticus,” Jo laughs loudly. “Call him Link. I have never heard anyone call him Atticus.”

Jo’s laugh echoes through the hallway and Amelia uses it to guide her.

“Sorry,” Lexie giggles in defense. “It’s not like I knew that. Not my fault you all know each other already.”

Amelia finally approaches. And sees everyone sprawled out across the abandoned hospital bed in the hallway. The bed rests against a large window by the vending machines.

“Who all knows each other already?” Amelia huffs as she slides down against the opposite wall, settling herself on the floor and leaning her head back in exhaustion.

“Everyone, apparently,” Lexie responds as she takes a bite of a granola bar. “Maggie and Winston went to Tufts together. Jo and Link did the same undergrad program, and even worked at the same restaurant. I’m the loner here.”

“Well,” Amelia mumbles, eyes closing as her head rests against the wall. “I’m a loner with you, then.”

“Yeah, except for the fact that you’re a Shepherd,” Lexie laughs.

“And you’re a Grey!” Amelia bites back playfully. “We’re in the same boat here.”

“Wait, you’re a Grey?” Maggie gasps, practically choking on the handful of chips she’d just consumed. Winston leans forward, concern crossing his features as he rubs Maggie’s back. She slowly gets a grasp over her coughs. “You’re a Grey, too? Like….Meredith Grey?”

“Yeah….I’m her sister….” Lexie frowns. And Maggie’s eyes go wide. “What’s wrong with being a Grey-”

“Is everyone here somehow related to an attending or resident?” Jo interrupts, rolling her eyes in disbelief. “What in the nepotism….”

Maggie settles back in her seat, her eyes still wide as Winston watches her. Quiet falls between them all and Amelia resumes her previous position, eyes coming to rest as she leans back against the wall. She listens to the voices among the group as the conversation picks back up.

“I heard that every year, they pick the most promising intern on the first day to scrub in on something.” Jo announces. Amelia’s adrenaline kicks in a little bit at this information, but she keeps her eyes shut.

“During our first shift?” Lexie gasps.

“Mhm.”

“No thanks,” Lexie mutters. “I’d definitely screw something up.”

“I might ask Karev about it,” Amelia can hear the smirk in Jo’s voice. “Try and get a leg up on it.”

“Nah,” Link cuts in. “Don’t do that. Whatever happens, happens. You wanna be a shark about it?”

“Okay, Mr. ‘go with the flow.’” Jo laughs. “That kind of attitude is not going to get you anywhere.”

The comfortable silence that fills the hallway again makes sense. It reflects everyone’s current exhaustion.

But then a question gets voiced, and it takes Amelia a moment to realize that the question is directed toward her.

“How’d your patient in the pit go?”

Amelia’s eyes snap open as she searches for the face that voiced the question. Her eyes land on Link’s bright-eyed and sympathetic gaze.

“I….didn’t end up discharging him.” Amelia mutters. And she watches as Link raises his eyebrows at this information.

“Karev is not going to be happy about that.”

“He….uh,” Amelia sits up, bringing her knees to her chest as she explains. “The patient….he’s not a junkie.” She outwardly cringes at the word. “It’s not withdrawal. It’s something else.”

“What makes you think that?” Jo inquires doubtfully.

“His symptoms,” Amelia mumbles, somewhat self-consciously. “They’re not withdrawal symptoms.”

“Maybe Shepherd’s right,” Link offers, a kindness to his voice that surprises Amelia. She expects him to be more arrogant. Or maybe a little full of himself. Just based on his looks. But, everything she’s heard from him so far, has been nothing but positive.

“You going to tell Karev you didn’t discharge the guy?” Jo questions.

“I am,” Amelia responds matter-of-factly. And the hallway grows silent again.

“I could just take a nap right here, right now….” Winston eventually mumbles out.

And there’s a general hum of agreement. Before the quiet moment is interrupted by a chorus of pagers going off.

_______

(Hour 12)

They finally get a lunch break. And by the time it comes around, Amelia isn’t even hungry. After being vomited on in the pit all morning, her appetite is completely diminished.

She walks through the hallway towards the cafeteria and sees Maggie walking a few feet ahead of her.

“Hey!” She catches up to her.

“Hey,” Maggie smiles. “You grabbing lunch?”

Amelia just groans, shaking her head. “Not after the morning I’ve had, no.”

Maggie gives her a sympathetic look before she stops in front of the bulletin board outside of the cafeteria. Amelia watches curiously as Maggie pins a flyer to the board, then she reads the posting.

“You’re looking for roommates?” Amelia inquires, slowly becoming more animated as the idea settles in.

“Yeah, I have three rooms to fill in my apartment. My other roommates moved out but I want to re-sign the lease.”

“Um, wow,” Amelia is stunned by the obviousness of it. “Okay, me? I will be a roommate.”

They continue walking towards the cafeteria and Maggie turns to her, giving her an incredulous stare.

“We’re in the same intern class….” Maggie frowns. “We’re going to be around each other literally 24/7….you wouldn’t actually want to….live together, too?”

“I would,” Amelia persists. “I’m….crashing on my brother’s couch right now,” she mutters, embarrassed by the confession. “I would quite honestly rather live anywhere else.”

“I barely know you.” Maggie exclaims in disbelief.

“So! I’m great. I’m...I’m the best. Best roommate ever. I promise you won’t regret it.” Amelia grins hugely, wiggling her brows, trying to sell herself. And Maggie laughs, shaking her head.

They sit at a table, and Maggie unpacks the lunch she’s brought with her.

“Really,” Amelia tries again. “I’m a clean person. I do the dishes...most of the time. I pay rent on time. Always. And I’m fun, and-”

“Okay!” Maggie laughs. “Okay. You….you’re overselling it now. You can have one of the rooms.”

“Yes!” Amelia loudly squeals, and the outburst makes heads turn throughout the cafeteria. She quickly pipes down. “Sorry….you won’t regret it.”

Maggie just shakes her head, taking a bite of salad.

“So….” Amelia speaks up again after letting Maggie get a few bites in. “What do you have against Meredith Grey?”

And similar to earlier, Maggie almost chokes on her food again. She slowly works on swallowing her bite of salad before she speaks.

“I don’t have anything against Meredith Grey,” she mutters.

“Ha,” Amelia laughs sarcastically. “Your eyes just about burst through your head earlier when you found out Lexie was related to her. What’s up?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Hey, we’re roommates now. Spill.” Amelia folds her arms across her chest, leaning back in her seat.

Maggie glances around the room before she leans in, beginning to speak softly. So softly Amelia almost doesn’t hear her. “I came here….to Seattle Grace….I applied for this internship because my birth mother worked here. She was kind of….like a legend here.”

“Okay….”

“And I didn’t think I’d actually land the internship….”

“Okay….”

“And then I got the internship and….and I didn’t think I’d actually see her, or be working with her-”

“Who? Your mom?” Amelia interrupts.

“No,” Maggie breathes. “No….Meredith.”

Amelia just frowns, still not understanding how this ties together.

“Ellis Grey is my birth mother.”

And now it’s Amelia’s turn to choke on her food. Except she’s not currently eating anything. So, it’s more like she’s choking on air as she grips the edges of the table in shock.

But before she can voice her surprise, Winston approaches the table, sitting down to join them. And Amelia breathes out a huge breath. Glancing at Maggie and miming the motions as if she’s zipping her mouth shut.

Winston definitely notices the strange energy, and he looks between the two in confusion.

“I’m….” Amelia pipes up. “I’m going to go check on my patient in the pit. You two enjoy lunch.”

Amelia stands up, winking at Maggie mischievously, before heading for the door.

_______

(Hour 16)

16 Hours in and Amelia finally decides it’s time to eat something. She’s been on her feet all day, running labs and doing scut work for Karev. The patient she was supposed to have discharged earlier, is currently waiting on the neuro consult she’d ordered. So it feels like the perfect time to take a small break.

She’s been so busy, she’s barely even thought about food. Her stomach rumbles loudly as she makes her way back through the dimly lit basement, seeking out the vending machines she knows are down here. She could have picked any of the vending machines in the hospital, honestly, but she’s chosen this route because she likes the quiet, and hopes to have a moment to herself to unwind.

She rounds the corner, letting the subtle hum of the vending machines bring her comfort. But the moment doesn’t last.

“Hey, Shepherd!”

Amelia jumps, clutching a hand to her chest as her eyes settle on Link, where he’s once again sitting on the abandoned bed in the hallway.

“Shit, you scared me.” She exhales shakily.

“Sorry,” he smiles, then turns back to the textbook in his lap.

Amelia walks past him, continuing towards the vending machines. She considers the options in front of her, before deciding on a granola bar and an energy drink.

“You kind of stole my idea,” she mumbles as she turns around to face him.

“Hm?” he looks up from his book.

“I was going to come down here, and be all quiet and alone for a minute,” she smirks.

“Well, great minds think alike, I guess?” He laughs. “You can sit.”

Amelia gazes up at him through a pointed stare, biting the inside of her cheek as she weighs her options. She truly had been seeking a peaceful moment to herself before she realized Link was down here.

“And I can be quiet,” he adds, watching her think it through.

But she decides. She gives in and climbs onto the mattress, resting her back against the wall. She yawns hugely as she settles in a comfortable seated position, legs outstretched in front of her, mirroring Link’s current position.

“Those aren’t very good for you, you know,” he smirks, nodding towards the energy drink in her lap.

“What are you, a doctor or something?” she bites back sarcastically.

“Trying to be.”

Amelia smiles, popping open the drink and taking an exaggerated first sip. Link just shakes his head at her, turning back to his book.

Amelia sighs a few seconds later. “Is it just me....or do you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing?”

Link turns his head to the side, lifting his eyes from his book to her tired expression.

“I get that.”

“I mean,” Amelia lets her head roll to the side too, in his direction. “I was top of my class at Harvard. I really thought I’d have an impressive first day.”

“You….were late this morning….” Link stifles a laugh, squinting at her.

Amelia rolls her eyes. “Yeah….not off to a great start. You’re right.”

A moment later Link slams his textbook closed, muttering something about trying to squeeze in a nap while he can. He leans his head back against the wall, letting his eyes shut.

“Oh, come on,” Amelia mutters playfully. “Sleep is for the weak.”

“Sleep is extremely important,” Link responds, eyes still closed. “And I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my eyes.”

Amelia laughs under her breath. “Sure.”

“Really,” he continues. “Resting your eyes? Feels fantastic. You should give it a try.”

Amelia doesn’t respond to this, instead taking another sip of her drink.

“Afraid you’ll fall asleep?” Link inquires a moment later, opening his eyes to glance sideways at her.

“No. I can rest my eyes without falling asleep.”

“Sure.”

Amelia watches as he resumes his previous position, his eyes slipping closed as he rests against the wall.

“Is this some sort of competition?” She mutters.

“I’m not competitive.”

He’s smug, Amelia thinks, as she stares at his restful expression. She sets her drink on the windowsill behind her, and lets her own eyes come to rest. It feels good to close her eyes. Way too good.

A moment later she hears Link whisper “I told you.” At least she thinks that’s what she hears. Her consciousness is beginning to slip away from her. And it’s hard to pull herself out of it, or to even think about separating exhausted imagination from reality.

When Link’s pager goes off several minutes later, his eyes shoot open. The sound of it doesn’t even cause Amelia to stir. He turns to look at her. Her long hair covers half of her face, but he can tell by the pattern of her breathing that she’s fallen asleep. Link smiles to himself, deciding not to wake her. She had initially come down here seeking a moment to herself, and Link was going to let her have it. His pager beeps again and he stands up, quickly on his feet and moving through the hallway.

_______

When Amelia eventually wakes up, she has no idea how much time has passed. The first thing she notices is that she’s alone now. Link’s abandoned textbook sits open next to her. It’s much darker in the basement now, with less light coming in through the window. She frowns, checking her pager.

And that’s when she notices the red blinking light.

Signifying her pager is dying. Or needs new batteries. Or something. She doesn’t know. It’s her goddamn first day and she has no idea how this works.

She curses to herself, springing up from her seat and practically running towards the stairwell.

_______

By the time she reaches the pit, she’s completely out of breath. Her eyes scan the ER, trying to locate her patient from earlier. The patient she was supposed to have discharged. But instead of following Karev’s orders, she had called a neuro consult, because she knew that the case was something more. And now, as she stands in the ER, she completely regrets her decision to venture off to the basement and wait for a confirmation page from neuro. That decision was currently biting her in the ass.

Because now her eyes settle on the current situation.

She watches as Karev begins transport of her patient. Her mouth drops open, stunned as Karev kicks the hospital bed into movement, beginning to transport her patient to the OR. She grows even more stunned as she watches Link grab the rails on the other side of the bed, moving with Karev towards the elevator.

“Wait,” she steps forward. “Wait! That’s my patient, what-”

“Not anymore,” Alex growls. “It’s a tumor, Shepherd. No longer your case.”

“Right,” Amelia keeps pace with them. “I’m the one that called the neuro consult. I knew it! I knew that-”

“Shepherd-”

“That’s my patient!”

She stumbles backwards a bit as they navigate the bed to enter the elevator. She makes eye contact with Link as she watches them step into the elevator.

“Like I said,” Alex mutters, pressing the elevator button to the OR floor once they’re settled inside. “Not anymore. Maybe answer your page, next time.”

Her shock turns to anger as she holds eye contact with Link, and Karev’s words settle in.

“Beds 1-4 need stitches, can you manage that?”

The elevator doors come to a close and irritation flashes through her hot and fast. Because Atticus Lincoln, mr. ‘I'm not competitive,’ had just stolen her patient. Tricked her into falling asleep and then stolen her surgery.

_______

She tries to suppress her anger as she does scut work for the next few hours. As the time passes, she focuses on her bedside manner, and tries to improve her suture technique. Her anger subsides, and it gets replaced with disappointment. Mostly disappointment in herself. Because this was nobody’s fault but her own.

This was a surgical internship at one of the top hospitals in the country. It was allowed to be competitive. They were allowed to be sharks.

By the time she discharges her last patient in the pit, she’s feeling a lot of things. The feeling that stands out the most though, is the exhaustion.

_______

(Hour 24)

Amelia basically moves on autopilot as she exits the locker room, shrugging her jacket on and moving through the hospital’s corridor.

Her eyes feel heavy and all she can think about is going home and immediately going to sleep.

Her anticipation is interrupted, though, when she sees Link walking a few feet ahead of her. She stares at the back of his head, trying to remember any of the angry words she’d had for him earlier. But she’s just so tired, and she’s drawing a blank.

He comes to a stop in front of her, pausing in front of the bulletin board just outside of the cafeteria. Amelia slows her pace as she watches him read something on the board, and then he’s ripping off part of a flyer.

She catches up with him, not managing to walk slowly enough to avoid him completely. He notices her approach and almost instantly, a remorseful expression takes over his face.

They fall into step with each other. And Amelia clears her throat.

“Will you at least tell me how it went? With the tumor?”

Link nods sheepishly. “He’s in recovery now. The other Dr. Shepherd, who I’m guessing is your brother?” Amelia nods. “He removed it all, no problems.”

“That’s good,” Amelia mutters.

They approach the exit, and Link holds the door open as they make their way into the parking lot.

“I didn’t mean to steal your surgery, you know,” Link speaks up again, his tone apologetic. “I just….answered the page.”

Amelia smirks.

“Don’t feel bad. If you want to be a shark, be a shark.”

Link genuinely looks conscious-stricken at her words.

“I’m kidding,” Amelia adds. “It was pretty much my fault.”

Link looks down, crumpling the paper he’d taken from the bulletin board, and twisting it in his palm.

“What’s that?” Amelia inquires.

“Roommates wanted,” Link exclaims, smoothing out the paper and reading the brief description.

Amelia’s face falls.

“No,” she’s laughing now. “No way.”

“What?”

“You can’t be one of our roommates.”

“Who is ‘our’?” Link frowns.

“That’s Maggie’s ad,” she laughs. “And I already claimed a room, so I get a say here.”

“Well I think I’m going to inquire with Maggie,” Link smirks. “I just so happen to be looking for a new place right now. So, I kind of feel like I was meant to see this,” he holds up the paper.

Amelia sighs.

“I’ll get to her first,” she mumbles, beginning to turn towards her parked car. “And give her my input.”

The sun is starting to come up. 24 hours since the last sunrise. 24 hours since the start of their first shift. Amelia gazes up at the sky, grateful that it’s over. But grateful that it happened. Grateful to have the first day under her belt.

“Shepherd,” Link interrupts her thoughts. “I think I’ll be getting to Maggie first.”

“Huh?” She turns to him, and notices how he’s started walking in the opposite direction.

She catches up to him.

“We’re going to Joe’s,” he states, as Amelia steps into pace with him. “The bar across the street. Apparently it’s open 24 hours….but that’s on the down-low.”

Amelia halts, coming to a standstill.

And Link frowns, slowing to a stop when he notices her hesitation. “Jo, Maggie, Winston, Lexie….everyone, I mean. To celebrate a successful first shift?”

Amelia’s heart sinks. She hates this part. Hates having this conversation with anyone her age.

“I don’t drink,” she admits, clawing her palms with her fingernails as her arms drop to her sides.

“Okay,” Link says simply. “They have food there, right?”

She has to question whether she’s heard him right. Because she was waiting for the ‘why not?’ For the confused stare. Or for the uncomfortable chuckle. Which he offers none of. She was so prepared for the interrogation, that his reaction actually stuns her a little.

“Or music?” Link adds, when he realizes that Amelia is stuck inside her head a little. “Food. Or music. Or games? Shepherd, I know I said I’m not competitive, but that’s a whole different story when it comes to darts-”

“Okay,” she finally breathes, trying to hide her smile.

“Okay, you’ll come?”

Amelia nods, starting to walk again. Link catches up with her and she guides them towards Joe’s. They cross the street just as the sun comes up.

//

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Chapter 11

Hi all,

Chapter 11 is here. So far this is my favourite. Rowan and Aelin go on the adventure he promised her and... well... there is fluff. Almost 5k words of fluff.

Aelin get to listen to Rowan's favourite groups. One of them is called Peat and Diesel. The guys are from Stornoway and I LOVE them. Their music is super original and fun. In this youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZM6qAiZZKA you have an introduction of them. Listen to their accents and you have an idea how people on the Western Isles talk and the guy with the red jumper (Innes) has the kind of accent that Rowan has in the story. 3 of my favourite songs: Western Isles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo2zuDxqf6A This video is hilarious and the guy go around Stornoway. My Islands: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoLBnk05ris&t=89s Stornoway: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efx_4YxLFRc

Peat and Diesel have been a constant soundtrack while writing this fic.

The second group are Runrig. Alas they are now retired but they have been playing for decades and they are the first Scottish group I have discovered once I moved to Scotland. I have seen them live and they were incredible. They sing in both English and Gaelic.

Happy reading and for once may the fluff be with you <3

-------

At 6am next morning, Aelin was in front of her house with her backpack strapped on her shoulders and all ready to go. The forecast for the day was meant to be wonderful with really high temperatures for Scotland. A heat wave, the meteorologists had announced. She was wearing shorts and a nice polo shirt and a baseball cap with a Saltire on that she bought at the tourist office. She probably looked ridiculous but she did not care. A text from Rowan came, announcing that he was on his way and five minutes later his car finally arrived. “Took you long enough.” Aelin commented while jumping in the car. “I was my aunt’s place to gather food. And knowing you, it had to be a lot.” Aelin punched his arm and he laughed in response. Once at the terminal they parked at the front and they both went inside the terminal to buy the tickets. Aelin was about to go ahead and order them but Rowan blocked her “my treat.” He said. With tickets in hands they returned to the car and joined the queue of vehicles ready to check-in and board. “This is so exciting.”

“Only a tourist like you would find the embarkation process exciting.” He joked and flipped her hat with his hand, making it fly. “And this tourist here is going to get a fridge magnet as well.” She replied while putting her baseball hat back on in defiance. Around 7.30 it was finally time to get on board. After they left the car on the car deck they climbed back on the passenger deck and Aelin dragged Rowan outside. “No way I am staying cooped up.” “It’s going to be cold.” He told her zipping up her jacket in a very protective manner. “I spent the entire journey here on the deck. And it was a bit cooler than now. You point is not valid.” He raised his hand in defeat “It’s your freezing ass.” He removed his windbreaker and Aelin noticed that her was wearing the university of Glasgow hoodie that she had stolen from him. “That’s my hoodie.” She protested. “You asked me to make sure it smell like me again. I am just following procedure.” She snuggled to him and inhaled his scent “A couple of more days, then it’s mine again?” Rowan laughed “Fine.” The ferry finally started to move and Aelin turned to the aft side of the boat and very dramatically she started waving at the people at the pier. Rowan followed her. He hadn’t been this excited by a trip in ages. And it was all thanks to her. Aelin leaned against the handrail, her face half turned and her hair flowing freely and in that instant Rowan took his camera out and snapped some picture of her. “Someone had a fancy camera.” She took a step to him to have a look at the picture he had just taken and was impressed. They were super good. “I am just the modern brat who uses her phone.” And she snapped a picture of him smiling. “Yes! I got a good one.” She was planning to take a lot of pictures of Rowan. Lysandra had asked her for some proof that this mysterious man existed and she was going to show her friend. An hour and a half later land was in sight again and they got ready to disembark and Aelin could not contain her excitement and not a long later they were on the road again. Rowan had attached his mp3 player to the car stereo and started playing some music. “This band is called Peat and Diesel, they are from Stornoway and they are one of my favourite groups. I met them once and they are hilarious and very down to earth and their music is brilliant if you are from there, you can relate.” Aelin listened to the tune and had to admit the songs were great. She started to dance in the car and Rowan laughed. “They are awesome.” “They are playing this year at HebCelt I have tickets for their concert…” he offered. “I am coming.” Then she stopped herself “If you want me, of course.” “I’ll think about it.” And he gave her a huge grin. “This song is called Stornoway….” He told her. “I love their style they add the accordion added to rock music. This is brilliant stuff.” “Good,” and his hand went on her knee. They drove for about five minutes, just enough to get out of the town and Rowan pulled over. Aelin was speechless the landscape around her was of barren mountains and in front of her lay this amazing beach. She got off the car and ran out and sat on the bench on the side of the road. The silence around her was incredible. Rowan was at her side a minute later. “This is Ardmair beach.” The he took her arm and pointed ahead “Those over there are called Summer Islands. You can take boat trips to visit them.” Aelin leaned against this shoulder and inhaled his scent mixed with the one of the sea. For ten minutes they sat in silence staring at the sea and listening to the seagulls. “Come on… we still have a bit to drive.” While on the road Aelin’s phone rang and was happy to see it was Lysandra. “Hi darling.” “Hi babe, quick call because I don’t have much time. Aedion and I have a surprise.” Exclaimed the woman at the other end. “Lys, please don’t tell you are pregnant already.” Lysandra laughed “No, Aedion and I have taken holidays.” Aelin grinned “So you are phoning me to tell me that you and mister hot hands are taking two weeks off to have crazy sex? Gee stop bragging.” She turned her head and noticed that Rowan pretended not to listen. In response she put a hand on his leg and his breath hitched at the contact. “No. We re coming to see you. We want to see all those amazing places.” Aelin screamed and almost gave a heart attack to the man at her side. “Ae, I have two minutes. We are coming up soon. I will text you all the details but we are staying for two weeks.” “Good text me everything and we’ll get some adventures organised.” Lysandra squealed on her side of the phone and then hang up to go and have fun in surgery. Aelin looked at Rowan “Lysandra and her boyfriend are coming up for two weeks.” “Given your screams I guessed it was something like that.” She squeezed his leg again and went back to admiring the landscape being amazed at every single corner. An half an hour had passed when Rowan stopped the car again and parked in a small car park. Aelin’s mouth fell open when she noticed the ruins of the castle on the loch. “That is Ardvreck castle.” He told her, getting off the car. Aelin followed and took the hand he offered. “When will this country stop to surprise me?” “Never.” Admitted Rowan “and this part of Scotland is one of the most stunning and the northern we get the wilder and unspoiled it gets.” “Ro, this is incredible.” She left his hand and started walking to the ruins. For a moment he just stared at her in admiration. Stared at her legs and the rest of the ensemble. Lyria had called her a stick, but Rowan disagreed. Aelin had curves and he was dying to get his hands on every single one of them. She turned around and called him and he woke from his revelry. Alas, they did not have the place to themselves and a group of tourists was walking around the ruins as well. “What do you think?” He asked joining her. “I want to climb on it.” “Well, you can’t.” Aelin grumbled something and Rowan let her explore the site. Five minutes later he noticed her talking happily with the group of German tourists. He was jealous of the simplicity with which she could talk to people. When she came back to him she had a smug smiled painted on her face “what did you do?” Asked Rowan expecting the worst. “One of the lady was asking about books. They are coming to Stornoway next week so I told her about our shop.” Our. She probably didn’t even notice the pronoun she used but Rowan felt a deep sense of pride and joy and his traitor mind reminded him that Lyria never called it like that. It was always your shop and when they had fights she would add a damned for emphasis. “We don’t have books in German.” He whispered. “Oh no, she is looking for books in English to practice.” Aelin took his hand “thank you for taking me here.” “The adventure is nor over yet.” He started walking. They crossed to road and he started to walk on the grass and followed the small river. They walked for a bit and then Aelin spotted some small waterfalls. The land was on different levels and the path of the river was broken, thus creating a small series of waterfalls. Rowan sat down on a rock and began opening his backpack. “Lunch time.” Aelin was at his side in seconds. He had made sandwiches for both. That morning he had woken up early and he had prepared a lunch for both. “It’s not a lot but we’ll eat when we get to Lochinver. There is a place where they make the most amazing savoury pies.” “You really know how to woo a woman.” She grabbed the sandwich he passed her and sat down in silence and stared at the water flowing down from the mountains. “Do I get to meet Lysandra?” Aelin munched faster and nodded “She will kill me if she doesn’t get to meet you.” Once done eating Rowan stood and offered her his hand “Come, let’s go. We can a have a long break after we arrive at our final destination. And we need to stop for pies too.” In a second Aelin was up and they walked back to the car. It took them fifteen minutes drive to reach their next stop and Aelin was giddy. Rowan had put more music on and she had discovered another of his favourite groups called Runrig and she fell in love with them. They also sang in Gaelic. She made a mental note to get all this groups from him once back home. Home.Because that’s where she was. And it felt right. A few houses and the hint of a village appeared out of the window and Aelin guessed they were arrived. Rowan pulled into the petrol station “Sorry. My car needs to eat as well.” And he gave a wonderful smile. He was always smiling to her recently and she wished he could do it all the time because it was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen. Five minutes later they moved to the car park next to the petrol station and Rowan again offered his hand to her. The Larder was the name of the bistro they were going to. They went inside and sat at a table. “This one is on me. In the end we didn’t finish the meal after winning the bet, so that’s me now buying you the meal I owed you.” “Ro, you don’t have to.” He put a hand on hers and squeezed gently “I know, but I want to.” They were eating their meals when Rowan broke the silence “The local high school asked me to join them on a part time basis as swimming instructor.” Aelin’s hand stopped half way to her mouth and looked at him “No way.” He nodded and she saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. “How do you feel about it?” His hand deposited his fork on the plate and he leaned back on the chair sighing heavily “Torn.” A hand ran through his hair “I want to. I miss it so much. But I don’t know if I can.” Aelin grabbed her chair and moved closer to him and grabbed his hand in hers “Give it a go. Tell them you want to do a trial lesson. See how it goes. How you feel. Then decide.” “It would be for just two mornings a week, and the extra money is a plus.” He gave her a faint smile. “And I will look after the bookshop, so don’t worry about not being able to open. If you trust me, of course.” His face leaned closer and for a brief moment the space between them was very minimal. “I trust you.” Her hand all of a sudden had a life on its own and she found it going straight for his head and ran it through his hair. At the touch he closed his eyes and hummed very lightly. A second later Aelin retracted her hand and blushed furiously but he did not seem mad at the gesture. Quite the opposite, he had a very satisfied grin on his face. She was probably beetroot red just now, but it felt so good. They left the bistro and walked a bit along the promenade in the village, but she was dying to see the next stop and Rowan noticed her urgency. “Fine, fine we’ll go.” She ran back to their car while Rowan took his time walking just to annoy her. “You are such a grandpa.” Fifteen minutes later they stopped in car park and once out of the car she could spot a beach in the very distance and excitement cursed through her. She grabbed her stuff and was all ready to go while Rowan was doing his best to move so slow that a sloth could beat him to it. “Whitethorn!” She barked through gritted teeth. “Such an impatient woman.” He finally locked the car, picked his backpack from the ground and joined her. “I can see a beach. I have no patience.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him. Once they finally reached the sand, Aelin stood transfixed. In front of her opened a bay with sands so white it hurt her eyes and with the waters of a turquoise that could not be real. She was speechless. Also the beach was empty and they were the only two there and that was a bonus. “Welcome to Achmelvich beach.” She finally managed to move, dropped her backpack, removed her shoes and ran to the water. Rowan grabbed her stuff and moved it closer. He lay down a towel and sat down watching her play in the water with the unbridled joy of a kid. She was carefree and she was beautiful. “This is amazing.” She shouted at him while walking the length of the beach. Ten minutes later she was on her way back with a smile that melted his heart. “I just wish the water was not so cold because I’d die to have a swim in those waters.” Rowan patted the towel beside him. Aelin sat and then lay down with her head on his thighs and looked up at him and wondered if she had gone too far but he didn’t seem to fussed. They had been getting much closer but she still wasn’t sure how far she could go with her affections. She almost had a heart attack in the bistro when she brushed her hand in his hair. “Ro…” “Hm?” His voice sounded peaceful and she looked up and noted that his eyes were closed and he had a peaceful smile on his face. “Where do we stand?” “What do you mean?” “You and I. What is this?” Rowan sighed. He had been asking himself the same question for a few days now. There was definitely something there. Something more than friendship, but he could not define what it was exactly. “Are we friends? More? A couple? Because we have been behaving like one.” His hand brushed her hair and traced the line of her forehead “I don’t know, Fireheart.” She sighed and felt the same frustration as him. “You still have Elias. You two are still going out.” “We are not…” she paused “I mean, we are not a couple. And I need to talk to him.” She lifted her hand and with the back of it she brushed his cheek. “Why don’t we take it slowly. See how it goes, figure out our feelings and not put a label on it just yet?” He looked down at her. He could do that and it was probably the best way to go. Not rush things for once. Take their time. “But can I still do this?” And his hand traced her arms then reached her neck. His thumb continued his journey to her lips and brushed them gently while the hand cupped her cheek. Then he bent over and placed the chastest kiss in history on her lips and Aelin’s heart raced madly in her chest. It was brief and barely a kiss but it sent shivers all down her spine and she wanted more but she didn’t press. The hand left her cheek and moved down again tracing the length of her arm, until his fingers twined in hers “I like doing this.” “We can just be Aelin and Rowan for now. Status undecided.” And he heard her chuckle. Aelin nodded “A Buzzard and his Fireheart. What do you think? Way more epic.” She offered as an alternative. He brought her hand to his lips while still in his and kissed it “I love it very,” a kiss “very,” another one “much.” Aelin giggled and then her stare turned serious again “I am not going back to London.” And he stared at her almost understanding the weight of her admission. A selfish part of him had been hoping for that. Another reason why he didn’t want to make things official with her. He could not bear the idea of getting into a relationship and having to let her go back to her old life. And the idea of a long distance relationship was out of the question. “I feel like I don’t belong there anymore.” She continued and he let her “Not when I am currently living in a corner of paradise, where life seem to have slow down to a point that on the islands everything is closed on a Sunday. Where there so much nature around me and I feel like a can breath again. After a month I crave all of this desperately and the idea of going back to my old frenetic life… I don’t think I can do it anymore.” She closed her eyes and a pained expression was on her face “I can’t go back to all that. And definitely not to my old job.” Another deep breath “I have been looking for jobs here, at the hospital, but there is nothing at the moment.” “Aelin, that’s great.” He caressed her head “Something will come up. There is always a shortage of doctors on the islands.” “Will you be mad at me if I leave the bookshop?” Rowan gave her a huge smile “No. You go and follow your dream. If a job comes up you go for it.” And he meant it. Lyria had left him because she was bored and the job was only a way for her to make some money. Aelin was different, she would be going back to her dream job. And the fact that she asked meant she cared. “I can come and help from time to time, you know? Your display need my mastery touch.” Rowan erupted in laughter “My displays were doing okay before you arrived.” “Aye, but now they are doing great.” She sat up in front of him and resisted the urge to kiss her, more deeply this time. He shook the thought away and stood “Come, there is another thing I want to show you.” They grabbed their stuff and Rowan began walking on the rocky formation until they reached what looked like a small fortified construction. “That’s a weird building.” “That’s Hermit’s castle. Europe’s smallest castle.” He helped her navigate safely the rocky formation. “Gee, that is small.” He came behind her and his arms went around her waist “it’s quite a fun place and the views are incredible.” He grabbed her hand and pointed at the mountains at the horizon “that peak over there is called Suilven.” Aelin turned to face him “Can we go inside this castle?” “I knew you were going to ask it.” He took her hand and guided her back to the entrance “Be careful, it can be slippery.” She followed him into the entrance and noticed that he almost had to bend over to get access and laughed at him. “The joys of being short.” She mocked him. They spent a bit of time exploring the ruins “This is one of the weirdest places I have ever been to.” Once they were out Aelin sat on the cliffside and enjoyed the view. Rowan towered over her and was taking pictures, mostly of her when she was not looking in his direction. When her expression was natural. He sat beside her “You have three options now: one, we go to Clachtoll beach nearby, a bit smaller but still super lovely. Option two we get back into the car and we drive to a lighthouse, three we do both but we can’t linger too long because we have to drive all the way back to Ullapool for our ferry back home.” “I’ll take three.” “Good. So, get your arse of this rock and let’s go.” She jumped on her feet and followed him back to the car. Five minutes later they had reached their next destination and she was glad Rowan was the one driving. The roads were far too small for her and although she was getting used to it, she was still very apprehensive. He, on the other hand drove with the experience of someone who had driven along those small roads all his adult life. They took a nice stroll on the beach and Aelin again had to walk in the water and Rowan followed her. “We should come back to this part of Scotland… for… a longer vacation.” His eyes bulged in surprise and his heart fluttered. She was already thinking longterm and he realised that probably they were more involved than either of them had the guts to admit. Truth was… he had been thinking about something like that all day. Having a proper holiday with her and show her the north west of Scotland. Show her some of his favourite spots. “If you are deemed worthy of having me as a tour guide.” He joked and with his foot he splashed her on the legs and as revenge she did the same. “Such a mean old man.” “And you are a brat.” But you are my brat. “Come on menace, out of the water. I want to go to the lighthouse and then on our way back.” “Yes, sir. At your orders, sir.” She gave him a military salute and in her response he pushed her out of the water . “You will be the death of me.” And shook his head on his way back to the car. Twenty minutes later they reached the lighthouse and its position was just as dramatic as the one at the Butt of Lewis, with the Minch right in front of her. The wind had picked up and it was cold again. As if on cue Rowan arrived with her jacket in his hands “Put this on,” he pulled the jacket around her and zipped it up “Don’t get sick because I am not playing nurse with you.” And he grinned at those words. Mean her lips mouthed to him while he worked on the zip and for a second he stared at those lips and thought about the chaste kiss he had given her on the beach. He had a different idea altogether about what he would do to them. They reached the edge, and Rowan pulled her against his chest “Be careful, it’s quite a drop and the wind is savage. Stay away from the edge.” “You don’t need a jacket?” “I am used to this, I am fine.” He hugged her tighter and she enjoyed the heat emanating from his body. “See over there? That thin stretch of land?” He pointed at the horizon. The wind had cleared the sky so much that she could see land on the other side of the Minch. “That’s home.” At that word she put her hand on his and squeezed. She was enjoying the view but when she started shivering Rowan pulled her to the car “It’s cold. Plus we have an hour and a half drive back to Ullapool and I want to be there in good time for the ferry.” The drive back felt like it took longer than on the way out, probably because she knew the adventure was almost over and she wanted to spend even more time with him exploring. They made it back to Ullapool with a few hours to spare and Rowan showed her around the town and he took her to the town’s bookshop and they both ended up buying some books, like the two book addicts they were. Then Rowan took her for a coffee when he noticed her shivering and bought her a slice of chocolate cake. An hour later they were back in the car and in line to get on the ferry. “I really like these Peat and Diesel guys.” She commented while listening to his music. “They make me want to dance.” Rowan in response extended his arm and caressed her head and she almost purred. Once on the boat they stayed inside. The weather had turned all of a sudden and the wind had become quite bad and it was far too cold to be on the deck and Rowan convinced Aelin to take a seat and stay inside. He took a book out while Aelin leaned against his shoulder and almost instantly fell asleep. An arm went around her shoulder and pulled her closer to a more comfortable position and relished in the beauty of her body against his. The book forgotten, he now stared at her and her face was one of pure bliss. His thumb very gently stroked her cheek and then turned his neck and kissed the top the her head and lingered there for a moment inhaling her wonderful scent. She had been so cold that she had reclaimed her hoodie back and he was more than happy to oblige. He was tired of restraining himself. He realised sometimes that day that he was done pretending he did not feel anything for her. He wanted her. Badly. But until she had sorted her situation with Elias he could not do anything. And a pang of jealousy surged through him. He tried to read one more time but his mind could not concentrate, so he closed the book and decided to take a nap as well.

“Aelin,” he shook her gently as soon as the boat had started the docking procedure “we are almost home.” “Hm?” Then Aelin looked outside the porthole and noticed the familiar image of Stornoway’s marina. “Shit, did I sleep the whole time?” “We both did.” Rowan stood and gathered their stuff “Let’s go.” Rowan drove her home. It was past 9pm by the time they got back but it was so bright it was day but she felt exhausted. She had the most amazing day with him. “Rest, and I will see you tomorrow.” She brushed his hand and wished him a good night. Once back in the house she collapsed on the sofa exhausted. She finally remembered her mobile and when she looked at the screen she noticed two missed calls from Elias and a few text from him. It was Sunday for him as well and he was exploring the city and he had sent her some picture of places he had been and the complained that he missed her and that adventures without her were boring. Then she read the last message and her heart sank. He was coming back in a few days in the afternoon and he had invited her to dinner.

She threw the mobile on the sofa and went for a shower. And the more she thought the more she could not find a way to leat him down without hurting him.

[purpli-writes]

With Every Cough My Love For You Blossoms

Summary:

Makoto Naegi refuses to confess his love for Izuru and Hajime.

If only he wasn't suffocating on flowers.

You can read it on AO3 here

Makoto gagged on two different colored petals. Kyoko’s hand was comforting as he coughed the flowers out.

Dark red and orange met both of their gazes.

“You still haven’t told them?” Kyoko asked although the answer was already obvious.

“I don’t think I will,” Makoto said as he wiped his mouth. “There’s no point, anyways…”

“You won’t know unless you try.”

“They already have a lot to deal with,” Makoto argued. “There’s no way they’d accept my confession.”

“Makoto,” Kyoko said, sighing as she examined the petals on the ground. “There’s no way this isn’t going to get worse, and when these petals start coming out as whole flowers you aren’t going to be prepared.”

Makoto got up, glaring at the petals and stomping on them.

“Like I said, there’s no way they’d accept my confession. So it’s much better to just keep my friendship with them.”

“Then you’re going to have to look into the surgery,” Kyoko responded coolly. “Assuming you don’t want to die, that is.”

“Of course I don’t want to die…!” Makoto protested. “But the surgery…”

“Then look into confession, Makoto,” Kyoko said, turning to walk away. “Those are your only options, so you better choose quickly.”

Makoto decided to not heed Kyoko’s advice. There was a lot of work to be done before they left for the mainland.

Or there would be if Byakuya didn’t know about his ‘ailment’.

“You can’t actually believe we’ll let you work,” Byakuya began. “It would be stupid if we let the Ultimate Hope die, even if it is you .”

“I’m not going to die by working, Byakuya!” Makoto complained. “It’s not like you don’t need the help…!”

“As if we need your help,” Byakuya said. “You’re useless here, Makoto.”

“Is there something else I should be doing?”

“Yes,” Kyoko interrupted. “Confess already.”

“N-no way…!” Makoto responded. “You can’t actually-”

“If they reject you,” Byakuya said. “I’ll pay for your surgery.”

Makoto frowned, it wasn’t only the rejection he was afraid of. If he had the surgery, would he still want to be friends with Izuru and Hajime?

He didn’t want to seem shallow, but he felt that his strong attachment to them came from his crush.

Before he could ponder his situation anymore he was coughing, violently.

Sharp pain forced him on his knees and in moments, Kyoko was at his side once again.

“It’s getting worse,” Byakuya remarked.

A few petals left his mouth and Makoto gagged at their exit, relieved at the same time.

“It’s not that,” Makoto replied, voice hoarse. “It’s just that there will be more of them.”

“This only proves our point, Makoto,” Kyoko said. “You need to confess or receive medical attention.”

“Confession would be his best option,” Byakuya said. “The Future Foundation will want to see him as soon as we come back.”

Makoto frowned, knowing his friends were right.

“I’ll be fine, guys,” Makoto said. “Usually the disease takes months to become even close to fatal.”

“You’ll have a harder time,” Kyoko replied. “Most people don’t have to deal with so many petals.”

“You’re already forcing enough on us, Makoto,” Byakuya said. “I don’t want to deal with you passing out on the way back to the Future Foundation.”

“I’ll think about it,” Makoto lied, already knowing he’d never confess.

Byakuya and Kyoko didn’t look convinced, but there wasn’t much more they could do.

Kyoko helped Makoto up, giving him one last look, “Please, at least consider it.”

Makoto nodded, deciding to head towards the beach.

They had two days left at Jabberwock before they needed to head back to the mainland. 

I might as well enjoy my time with Izuru and Hajime , Makoto thought. If nothing else, I should remember these feelings before they’re surgically removed… Is that how it works…?

On the beach, Makoto was surprised to see Izuru and Hajime already there.

Izuru had made them keep the long black hair, much to Hajime’s dismay.

“Izuru, Hajime!” Makoto yelled as he walked up to them. “How are you guys?”

“Makoto,” Izuru said. “We are… fine.”

“Are you sure…?” Makoto said, looking at Izuru and Hajime once more. “You don’t sound too sure…”

“Ugh, what that asshole means to say,” Hajime said, taking over. “We're a bit worried about you, Makoto.”

“H-huh…?” Makoto said, hand going for his cheek, an old nervous habit he had yet to beat. “Worried about me…? I don’t understand…?”

“Your physical appearance,” Izuru began to explain. “You’ve been looking weaker and overall more nervous.”

“Really…?” Makoto asked. “Because there’s been nothing going on at all…!”

“We never implied there was,” Izuru responded, lowering himself to look Makoto in the eyes. “However, you just revealed that there is something ‘off’.”

“Huh…?!” Makoto yelled at the close contact. “I did…?”

“You have obvious tells,” Izuru comments. “Are you going to tell us or are you going to make us guess?”

“I mean… it’s nothing important,” Makoto responded quickly. “It’s just about the Future Foundation.”

“You’re lying,” Izuru said. “A plain and boring lie at that.”

“What…?”

“There is something else bothering you,” Izuru said. “Something more important.”

“You’re right,” Makoto admitted looking away. “But, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Hajime said. “Why wouldn’t you want to talk about it…?”

“It’s personal,” Makoto said quickly. “And it’s not the reason I came to see either of you anyways.”

Izuru and Hajime didn’t respond, they looked at him with the same expression Kyoko and even Byakuya had given him.

They were worried.

“I only have two days left on the island,” Makoto continued. “So I want to spend them with you two if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is,” Hajime answered. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Makoto smiled sadly, “No reason.”

After talking with Izuru and Hajime, Makoto decidedly felt worse. He wasn’t sure if it was the flowers pressing in on his lungs or the fact that he might never feel the same way towards Izuru and Hajime if he got the surgery.

It’s not an ‘if’ situation though, is it? Makoto thought. There’s no way I can confess without ruining our friendship…

As Makoto met up with Kyoko and Byakuya again, he felt another cough coming in. Like before, when Makoto went down to cough, Kyoko was right by his side.

He thought he could hear her muttering about how his stubbornness was going to kill him but he pretended otherwise.

“We should get you back on the boat,” Kyoko said as she helped Makoto to his feet. “We can all call it an early night.”

“Tch,” Byakuya said. “Once again my work is stopped because of Makoto.”

“Sorry about that,” Makoto remarked weakly. “I’ll owe you one, Byakuya.”

“You already ‘owe me one’, Makoto,” Byakuya replied. “Several ones.”

Makoto laughed slightly as Byakuya glared.

Once on the boat, Makoto fell asleep easily. Exhausted from so many coughing fits, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

“Makoto,” Kyoko’s voice was soft, as she shook him awake. “Today’s our last day.”

There was more in her tone, desperation, he thought.

“Already…?” Makoto replied groggily. “I just fell asleep a few minutes ago.”

Kyoko shook her head and smiled slightly, “That’s how it always feels for you.”

“Where’s Byakuya?”

“He already left for breakfast with the Remnants,” Kyoko said. “He decided not to ‘waste any more time on you’.”

Makoto nodded and got ready to leave with Kyoko. 

Breakfast was uneventful, ignoring the fact that both Byakuya and Kyoko were staring holes into his head.

Sighing, Makoto realized they weren’t going to leave him alone until he at least tried to ‘confess’ to Izuru and Hajime.

After breakfast, Makoto went to talk to Izuru and Hajime.

“Makoto,” Izuru began, once again. “Are you here to talk?”

“Not only that,” Makoto admitted. “But I need to talk to both of you.”

“Both?” Izuru asked. “What do you have planned, Makoto?”

“Nothing,” Makoto said, and that wasn’t exactly a lie. He didn’t even know if he wanted to confess, but there was no time like the present.

“Alright,” Hajime said. “You’ve got our attention, Makoto.”

Makoto blushed, as he looked at their shoes. 

How am I going to say this? Makoto thought. What did I get myself into?

“Nice shoes,” Makoto mumbled.

“Is that it?” Hajime asked, sounding almost insulted.

“How boring,” Izuru commented.

“N-no…!” Makoto yelled, face fully flushed as he looked them in the eyes. “I’m in love with Izuru Kamukura and Hajime Hinata!”

“Wha---?!” Hajime yelled, staring at Makoto shocked.

“An interesting development,” Izuru said.

“I know you don’t have to like me back,” Makoto said, looking down at their shoes again. “But if I didn’t let you both know now, I know-”

Before Makoto could get any more words out, he was suddenly engulfed in a hug.

“Please, shut up,” Hajime said while blushing. “I don’t want to hear about your confession…”

“H-huh…?” Makoto replied although it was muffled by their shirt.

“It’s his way of accepting your confession,” Izuru replied simply. “I also accept your confession as well.”

“Really…?” Makoto asked.

“Obviously,” Izuru said.

“Ugh, can we not talk about the ‘romantic’ stuff?” Hajime complained although it was obvious his heart wasn’t in it.

Makoto smiled, and he noticed his chest felt lighter. 

“So, they finally confessed their feelings,” Byakuya said. “Now we can all move on with our lives.”

“Byakuya?!” Makoto yelled, moving out of Izuru and Hajime’s arms to face a crowd.

“It was a wonder you confessed at all,” Kyoko said. “Although it was a bit on the loud side.”

“Jeez, if only I could be that way with Miss Sonia…” Kazuichi commented sadly.

“Why are you all just watching…?!” Hajime yelled.

“I mean, could ya really expect anything else?” Akane asked. “This is the most interestin’ thing on this damn island!”

“How predictable,” Izuru said. “Why did you expect anything different?”

“He is the most correct!” Sonia said cheerfully. “We are your friends, so of course we’d watch!”

“I mean fuckin’ hell Makoto, I didn’t know you could even be that loud,” Fuyuhiko said.

“H-huh…?” Makoto said. “Was I really that loud…?”

“Yes,” Kyoko and Byakuya answered.

“Man,” Akane said. “If only I could get more excited over things like that.”

“You should not give up hope yet!” Sonia said. “Obviously Makoto was working very hard to reach his romantic goal!”

“Maybe we should give them some space,” Fuyuhiko said. “They obviously want it, anyway.”

“Yeah,” Kazuichi agreed. “Maybe Miss Sonia and I could spend some time working on our ‘romantic goals’.”

As the group dispersed, Makoto put his head on Izuru and Hajime’s chest. “That was so embarrassing…”

“Tell me about it,” Hajime agreed.

“It was interesting at the very least,” Izuru said. “Especially when Makoto started yelling…”

“H-hey…!”

Makoto began to bicker with Izuru and mostly Hajime, but he couldn’t complain in the slightest.

It turns out Kyoko wasn’t wrong when she said he should at least try .

[kxhlzn]

[i.] the birdwatcher & his lover.

➳ synopsis: it's the summer of '89, and you discover new things about yourself— some good, and some you wish you could swallow and never see again. dealing with the newfound confusion of sexuality, you must learn the ins and outs of friendship and what it means to grow up.

➳ genre: coming-of-age drama, fluff, crack, angst, slow burn romance, lgbtq+ themes.

➳ characters/pairing(s): eventual stanley uris/reader (main couple), unrequited!beverly marsh/reader, eventual richie/eddie (possibly unrequited), eventual bev/ben.

➳ wordcount: 3.2k

➳ warnings: profanity, partial nudity (the lake), slight angst.

➳ song recs: "beverly" from the it soundtrack & "she" by dodie.

➳ author's notes: hi hi hi! this is my first fic on tumblr and honestly i'm a bit anxious about this bc i haven't written in ages lmfao. this is a series, so pls don't hesitate to send in asks and the like! nothing is set entirely into stone yet. please note! the characters are fifteen in this, and pennywise doesn't attack derry at all; so georgie is alive and well and chasing paper boats in the rain. richie & reader are both bisexual, ben & bev fall in love as kids. reader and bill are vv close but platonically.

June, 1989.

the first time you meet stanley uris, he is perched on a oak bench planted in the middle of derry park, his bruised knees pressed together in order to keep his journal steady. his chin is pointed to the heavens, eyes searching the clouds, a curious glow in them; cheeks dusted a light pink, he was angelic, the sun's rays a dull comparison to the golden glow of his messy curls. the boy had a nervous tick of tapping his pencil against the yellowed paper in his lap, followed by the curve of his brow when he noticed a bird flutter overheard.

you, at age eleven, were fascinated by him, and lacked a filter to save you from your mouth. it's almost as if the hinge of your jaw had lost a screw, and you feared if it hung open too long a fly might seek entrance there. of course, it would have been entirely avoidable if you hadn't sat your butt right next to him, and stuck your nose right where it didn't belong: in his journal.

"your handwriting is pretty, but your drawings can use some serious work. is that supposed to be a bird? it looks like it's having a heart attack," you had said, tilting your head, "the wings are too jagged and the legs too... sticky, you know? not like sticky like honey, but sticky like... you know, sticks? are you mute or something?"

your blank stare forces stanley's hand to shoot to the back of his neck as he tries to find the words to attend to all of your commentary. his mouth opens and closes a few times before you roll your eyes dramatically, slumping into the back of the bench. stanley clears his throat, eyes falling to the ground.

a silence ensues, and you glance from his crestfallen expression to the drawings. "and, uh, his eyes are buggy; they look like fat marbles. they're taking up his whole face."

stan releases a breathy laugh, and he raises an eyebrow at the graphite drawing in front of him. "they do, don't they?"

you mirror his laugh, and nod solemnly. "there's no saving them," you say, and decide to tell him your name, outstretching your hand proudly.

"stanley," the boy replies, meeting your grip and giving it a good shake. "uh, you know a lot about drawing. could you fix him?"

you hum, taking the journal from his lap and dropping it in your own. you tilt your head at the sketch, putting your chin in your hand. "it's going to be a tough job, but i think he'll survive. scalpel, sir?"

he hands you the yellow pencil, sharpened down half its original length. "anastesia? or uh," you inquire, not aware of how to spell or pronounce the word, "the stuff that doctors give people during surgery."

"anesthesia," stanley corrects, pulling a pink eraser from his pocket and giving it away.

"yeah, that," you bring the eraser down and the bird lines are soon gone, but the remnants of what was stays behind on the paper. "your lines are really hard. you've prolly got heavy hand, you know. but don't worry, i do too."

the next few minutes are in comfortable silence, save for your absent-minded humming. stanley leans over your shoulder, but not to the point of invading personal space, studying each pencil stroke gracing the journal. he makes a comment about the structure of the real-life bird, and you nod your head in agreement. the two of you synchronize nearly perfectly — you sketch what he tells you to. you aren't very observant to the outside world, but you focus on details in your drawings. stanley will mention that the creature has a stray mark on its beak, and you pencil it in without the graphite being too dramatic, which stanley is quick to do in his work.

after an hour of chatting and working, you are sitting on the back of the bench, feet placed comfortably on the seat. you are talking on and on about a story that happened during your english class, and you don't refrain a single detail. stanley listens intently, body slouched forward over his journal as he writes physical descriptions of the bird next to the drawing. he checks the time on his watch, and nearly jumps out of his seat. he swivels around, eyes blown wide, but you don't seem to notice as your arms wave about, mimicking a girl in your class.

stanley barks your name, which sounds sweet on his tongue, he realizes. when you focus on him curiously, he looks guilty. "i have to go. i was supposed to go to my friend's house so we could go to the quarry together. uh, unless you want to.. go?"

you grin, hopping onto the soil beside him. "for sure!" you hook your arm in his, and skip forward a few steps.

"wrong way," he says sheepishly.

you turn around, now exceedingly confident. "onward, steed!"

the next few years, up until freshman year, you are best friends with stanley uris and his gang of friends; bill denbrough, richie tozier, and eddie kaspbrak. bill was the kindest of all of them, a sensitive boy with a heart of gold. his love for art made him an easy companion, and you grew very close the summer of 7th grade, spending many hours a week at his house simply talking and making art. his little brother is like your favorite person, the little squirt constantly bugging bill about when he'll see you again, and telling bill he likes you better because you'll play with him.

eddie is a mother hen to you, warning you about the dangers you put yourself in on a daily basis. you are more reckless than the other boys, so it's common to see eddie turn an ugly shade of purple when he witnesses you do something exceedingly ignorant. with your asthma, he can relate to you, but you personally believe the inhalers you have are pointless and there's no need to rely on them, but eddie disagrees. when he takes a puff from his emergency inhaler, which is more of a daily one, he tends to shove one in your mouth too for simple sake of anxiety. you've found that he calms down when you play with his hair or give his scalp a light scratch, his voice lost in the serenity of it all.

ah, richie tozier; you two are scarily similar, and everyone is aware of it. he's of course referred to as "trashmouth", and you're known as "loudmouth", as richie has a tendency to speak inappropriate things, and you just keep speaking and can't properly whisper to save your life. a major difference between the two of you is your vulnerability, naiveness, and positive charisma. his talkativeness is characterized by sarcasm and the "class clown" stereotype, while yours relies more on really just being a chatterbox, whose thoughts spill out at rapid speeds without being filtered by your brain. fortunately, it's easier to make friends this way, and you tend to be the ice-breaker of your friends. richie, personally, admires this about you and thinks of you as an "innocent little ball of sunshine", and likes to put his arm on your head to show his dominance.

your relationship with stanley uris is a bit complicated; of course, at first, it was unproblematic being friends with him, as you were easy opposites. you spoke into the space that he was too quiet to fill, and it was comfortable for the both of you; you got to speak your mind without interruption, and stanley was able to have company that didn't force him to interact gregariously. however, as you grew with time, he found your carelessness to be irritating, as he hated feeling he had to be anxious all of the time; stanley enjoys turning his alarm off, and running on low function, and he thinks it is hard to do that when you're jumping off cliffs, climbing on slippery rocks with your eyes covered, and provoking bullies three years older than you. he finds you irrational and childlike, which is difficult for him to grasp as an inherently strategic and analytical person. you are a glass half full, and he is glass half empty. he prefers to consider the consequences, and you have a tendency to wait to find them out after you commit the deed. he has his future planned, and you want to live in the moment; you enjoy surprises, new opportunities, as there is something entirely boring about being sure what you plan to do each day. sometimes, you believe stanley wakes early, dresses in the outfit he put aside the night before, and takes a seat to write down a schedule. you shiver at the thought. unfortunately, the disagreements put tension on your friendship, as hanging out periodically ends with an argument, and one of you stomping out to rant to one of the others. you sincerely care for each other, but also find each other extremely irritating when the situation calls for it; which is becoming increasingly habitual as you grow taller with age.

but you also find him to be beautiful.

you're fifteen when you properly meet ben hanscom, beverly marsh, and mike hanlon. it's also the first time you felt something strike deep in your gut for that particular redheaded girl, and the way her newly chopped locks curled at the ends. she had tucked your hair behind your ear as you wrestled with the button on your overall shorts, and took your hands in hers, pushing them aside so she could slip the button through the hole properly. she was so graceful, elegant even, in the way she held herself. that day, you labeled the twist of your insides as insecurity, nothing else.

it was a mix of many things, you realized a long time after. insecurity, deep-rooted sexual confusion, and jealousy.

beverly is the first to jump off the cliff and into the lake below. after aiding you in your clothing disaster, she slips her creamy overdress from her shoulders, and gives her arms a good shake. she departs with a glance back at you, the sun beating down on her hair like fiery red flames, and her icy eyes contrasting its intensity. suddenly, you feel so small; so plain. before she could see your lip quiver, she was in the air, high like an angel, before falling towards the murky waters.

the stars in bill and ben's eyes, and the admiration in the rest of theirs, erupt a cacophony for you, striking your heart like a harsh note: these aren't your boys anymore.

bill jumps next, and then the others, eddie last. the splash sends spikes in your spine, but it's a warm hand on your shoulder that kick-starts your body. sandy curls appear in front of your face, tilting to reveal the kind eyes of stanley uris. his mouth is shaped in a firm line, a bit disappointed by your lack of enthusiasm. he seems to be at war with himself.

he stays silent for a moment, eyes searching the sky for the right words. "i want to go last," he finally breathes, seemingly triumphed in his verbiage, "i don't want them to see me cross my fingers behind my back before i go."

you laugh softly, relieved. you are grateful knowing he wasn't going to pry in your hesitation, or your brief self-consciousness. even when the two of you bicker, you hold high respect for stan; he's a boy of few words. he isn't shy, and certainly isn't bashful; he simply chooses to speak sparingly, believing that the chattiest voices aren't always loudest. he doesn't word vomit to fill the silence; that is how you know his words are meticulously chosen, like pieces to a greater puzzle.

stanley's thin frame makes no unnecessary movements, but rather awaits yours. his hand has long since abandoned your shoulder, and rather is cuffing his other calmly in front of his hips. the lack of speech isn't menacing or awkward, but instead a bit comforting; it gives you adequate time to finish undressing, tossing aside your socks and shoes. you pull the loose scrunchie from your hair, and give yourself a silent nod in reassurance.

"promise not to tell?" stan says quietly when he's sure you're more stable, curious eyes searching for yours.

"pinky promise," you insist, holding up the smallest finger on your right hand. when his wraps around yours, you toss him a childlike grin. "i never break them."

and then you're gone, cascading down towards the green waters, each wave crystalizing in your descent.

"i know," stanley whispers to himself. little do you know, he has the same epiphany you had just seconds ago, aweing after beverly.

he crosses his fingers behind his back, and steps off the cliff's edge.

air reaches your lungs when you pull your head above the surface, and you gather your sopping hair from your skin, laying it against your neck. you face the sky, and stan's dive is a flash of gold: like a bird, graceful in it's dip, his curls like its wings.

you find yourself wanting to ask him what it's like to fly.

—

on a boiling day in the middle of june, you and the others spend a day in the quarry again, but instead have a picnic by the rocks rather than racing back into town for a snack at eddie's house. it was mike's idea; he hadn't told anyone until he showed up early that day, sweaty and beaming with a quaint basket and blanket tucked under his arm. you felt a bit guilty, honestly— you wish he would've told you so you all could pitch in.

he seemed ecstatic, though, setting it up, so you couldn't bring yourself to mention that.

beverly says she wants to sunbathe with you, so you agree with hot cheeks and position yourself awkwardly next to her, posture straight with your knees tucked under your arms. your stiffness goes unnoticed by her, thankfully, so you're able to admire her form in peace as she stretches her limbs out with a soft sigh. compared to her, you feel unbearably rigged, unbearably not feminine. a thought crosses your mind that her own feminity outshines yours so much that the boys must think of you as one of them, minus the third leg, and with twin petals blossoming on your chest.

the boys are curled around their usual spots, the multiple boulders a few feet from your seated position, chatting carelessly. mike is discluded, lost in preparing the perfect picnic for you all. perhaps if you had noticed the simplicity of it all, you wouldn't have blurted out something ignorant to force a tension in the summer air.

"do you guys think i'm pretty?"

the conversation drops briefly, takes a soft roar, and then entirely ceases as seven pairs of eyes draw to you, including mike and beverly. the red-haired girl has a smirk on her lips, tilting her head ever so slightly as if to test your patience and purpose.

bill clears his throat gently. "u-um, well, yeah of c-course.. w-why wouldn't w-we?"

you shrug nonchalantly, and the others eyeball each other, pleading for another to say something else. eddie and ben slyly play rock paper scissors for a sacrifice.

richie whistles lowly. "this is gonna be good."

your face's temperature soon begins to rival the sun as your breath hitches in your throat, attention turned directly on beverly, as though her presence might calm your nerves. it doesn't. your lower lip is caught between your teeth, as you grow progressively more embarrassed of yourself the longer the others stare.

beverly smiles gently, her intensely blue eyes never straying from yours. "i think you're the prettiest girl in the world."

you sputter suddenly, adjusting your aviators, and spill out something along the lines of "i have to go take a piss", and skitter off in the direction of the woods. you curse yourself the entire way.

richie laughs, breaking the tension. he pats stanley's bare back roughly as the lanky boy stares at the trees you disappeared behind. "and the hits just keep on coming."

"beep beep, richie," eddie scolds, and richie winks at him, suggestively nodding towards him. eddie rolls his eyes and his gaze drops to his feet.

"sandwiches, anyone?" mike whimpers, a lopsided grin as he holds up a loaf of bread. stanley gently pushes past him and disappears into the brush.

"well, i, for one, would like three," richie replies, slapping his thighs as he stands.

eddie mumbles a word or two about richie being "as selfish as ever", and makes his way to mike also. beverly is a bit quiet, and bill chooses to sit beside her; his hands fall to his knees, rubbing them subconsciously.

"u-um, you didn't do a-anything wrong," he says, aware of the deep concentration beverly has. he can usually tell when everyone is upset or has something on their mind. "she's j-just been a l-little self conscious lately."

"please," beverly whispers, lifting her head to the sky, "i can tell she's been different around me. i must have said something to offend her. i should apologize—"

beverly pulls herself up, dusts off her legs, and is yanked down by bill's shaky hand.

"d-d-don't—" when the girl steadies, he continues, "let them b-b-be. if y-you really did s-something to h-hurt her, s-s-stanley will f-find out. trust him."

the greenery is exceedingly massive— miles and miles of towering woodland, filtering in streams of sunlight, rocky terrain around every trunk. you find yourself breathing heavily while seated on a boulder that is tucked away behind a ledge, facing the opposite way of the opening that your friends are at. elbows pressed into your knees, you put your face in your hands.

the air is tightening around your throat, and your uneven breaths become wheezes. you fist your hair in frustration, and smooth it down seconds after. this turns into a cycle, as you calm your wild nerves. fuck. are you allowed to think of her like that? you inhale deeply, the scent of soil filling your senses.

twigs crack in the distance, rapidly approaching feet obliterating the silence that has so graciously aided you in your toxic thoughts. you run your hands through your hair, and then fist a handful at the scalp. you smooth it out tenderly. when the footsteps are extremely close, slow down their pace, and stop entirely, you squeeze your eyes shut.

"go the fuck away, bill, i don't need your lect—" you bark, waving him away, but are cut off by long arms wrapping around your neck. your anxiety washes away, but you make no effort to embrace them in turn. your hands become fists, with no fabric of a shirt to grasp. you don't notice the tears racing down your face until your eyes and cheeks burn furiously, and your throat is caught up in sobs. when you peek, the sight of stanley's dusty curls in your peripheral sends waves of numbness and comfort over your skin.

your thoughts become hazy once you've lain your head against the bone of stanley's bare shoulder, and you feel a weight on your body lift from you— and transfer to him.

you swear you can hear faint whispering, voice cracked and vulnerable: "it's okay, it's okay, it's okay."

the part that leaves you aching for days in the future, is that you're not sure he was talking to you.

➳ i hope you liked it! it's a bit short but idc cuz i'm tired.

[megalony]

Second chances- Part 4

Here is the latest part of my Billy/ Four, 6 Underground series which I hope you are all enjoying so far.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy

Series taglist: @multi-fandom-iimagines @dreashappyworld

Summary: (Y/n) believes being in the group is her second chance and Billy starts to believe it was his chance too as it brought (Y/n) into his life. But their newest mission is far from easy.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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"How's it lookin'?"

(Y/n) couldn't help but roll her eyes when Billy walked straight behind the curtain without even asking. She wasn't sure whether he would have done that or not if they weren't together but it didn't really matter anyway. He had seen her naked so seeing her stood in her underwear and shirt wasn't going to be much different now.

The blond had his hands stuffed into his pockets as he walked over to where (Y/n) was standing. They were on the plain on their way to Turkistan and (Y/n) had come to the back of the plane to check that her stitches were still in place and that her hip was going to be okay for the next phase of the mission.

"Grim, but it'll have to do." (Y/n) responded, resting her weight on her good leg as she leaned her head to the side, watching Billy approach her. He stood by her leg as he had his eyes fixed on her left hip. The bullet thankfully hadn't been a direct hit but it had shredded past her side and split her skin open. Dark navy blue stitches were holding the wound together but it was beginning to bruise, it looked nasty.

"Shit." Billy had the urge to reach out and trace his fingers over the wound but he held back, not wanting to cause any pain or aggravation.

(Y/n) couldn't complain though, the surgery to have the metal plate fitted had been much worse than a simple bullet sliding past her skin. She had been rather lucky that the bullet wasn't a direct hit because it could have shattered the metal plate or dislodged it or made the actual bone shatter. She had gotten off lightly.

"Could you?" (Y/n) held out a roll of bandage to Billy, a small smile on her lips when he skimmed his fingers along the back of her hand before he took the item from her.

Billy realised she must still be in some sort of pain despite the medication he knew Five had given her because she wasn't putting her full weight onto her left leg. Billy knew what it was like to walk on broken bones and to suffer from injuries, when he had had his fall and One found him, Billy had a lot of injuries. He had broken his ankle, dislocated his knee, had a slipped disk in his back and he'd broken one of his hands. Yet he had to carry on and walk and move around with those injuries and it had been hell for him.

He didn't know what kind of pain (Y/n) was feeling but he knew this mission tomorrow wasn't going to help her very much. It was going to aggravate her hip if she had to be running around and dodging bullets and weapons and people.

But Billy also knew there was no way anyone was going to dissuade her from doing this mission.

Bending down on his knees in front of her, Bily patted her thigh with a smirk to silently ask her to part her legs so he could start wrapping the bandage around her hip. With the placement of the stitches being rather high up, Billy couldn't really bandage much of her hip and (Y/n) knew that. But she needed binding around her hip so the pressure and tightness would keep her joint working properly. It would make it easier to run if her hip was secure.

Billy started to wrap the binding around her hip as high and tight as he could manage before he started wrapping the bandage around her back and stomach. It bound more of her stitches that way instead of going around her leg and it would keep both hips tight and in place without obstructing her movements too much. (Y/n) handed Billy a safety clip when he was finished and he pinned the bandage in place before standing to his feet.

"Thanks."

"No problem." He responded with a smile and a shrug before he leaned down to capture her lips with his own since they were behind the privacy of the curtain.

When they pulled back, (Y/n) reached over for her trousers as Billy leaned against the wall, not even trying to act like he wasn't watching her get dressed. (Y/n) felt a smile tugging at her lips when Billy reached over and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest when she was doing up her zipper.

"You never told me why you have the plate on your hip." He commented as he realised he knew about her getting shot close to her heart with the bullet that was now hanging around his neck. But he hadn't asked about her hip when he learnt about it or afterwards. (Y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck as she leaned her forehead against his own.

"Nothing special... car accident five years ago, it fractured my hip and I couldn't walk from the pain. The plate stopped the bones from creaking and splitting when I moved and kept it in place when it healed." There was no big story like with the bullet. (Y/n) hadn't been shot when on a mission and she hadn't been doing anything brave or incredibly stupid, it wasn't a big explosive story to tell. It was a simple accident that resulted in a rather bad injury.

Fractures were generally worse than broken bones and (Y/n)'s hip had been fractured in such a way that when she walked her leg would give out and the pain would be overwhelming. Having the plate fitted meant that it made her hip stronger and stopped the fracture from getting worse so she could walk. It dulled down the pain significantly and it helped the joint to heal but it was for life. If (Y/n) had it removed then her hip would be significantly weaker and she would be prone to another fracture or a broken hip.

"Just curious." Billy responded with a shrug before pressing another rather bruising kiss to her lips. He wanted to know (Y/n), the old her, the real her and he loved hearing the stories about her life. They were much more entertaining and fulfilling than the small stories he could tell (Y/n) about his own life.

Billy was a thief by trade, he had always been a thief and he had been extremely good at what he did. He could scale the buildings and climb the roofs and towers to escape the authorities. It just so happened that the biggest steal of his life was the one that ended his old life and brought him here.

"We'll be landing soon." (Y/n) mumbled against his lips, earning a groan in response. Moving his head, Billy tucked his face into the crook of her neck as he held onto her tighter. He was ready for this mission, as ready as he could be and he was ready to get it over with and hope that he survived. But he would rather stop time and stay in this moment, just for a bit longer if he could manage it. Little times like these were rare but they were the moments Billy was rather falling for like he never thought he would. "You're gonna have to take that off, Billy."

(Y/n) spoke quietly and she could see her words confused him until she gently tugged on the chain hanging around his neck. The chain was metal and so was the bullet, if Billy went on the boat tomorrow with that around his neck he would either have his neck sliced or the chain would rip or drag him against the wall.

"I know," He sighed as he reached up to hold onto the chain he had grown extremely fond of recently. "But I don't want to... I'm starting to believe it has some luck to it after all." Billy knew that deep down it wasn't the chain that he felt was bringing luck to their situations, it was (Y/n). He had something to believe in now and that was her. The chain was his connection to her and he knew he had a second chance at life like she did, he didn't want to take the chain off in case somehow, it took that second chance away from him.

He wanted this, he wanted to be in this group and to be with (Y/n) and do missions with her. But he didn't want anything to happen or go wrong during the mission that would jeopardise that or take her away from him.

"You own it now, Billy. Just because you won't be wearing it doesn't mean it won't bring you luck." It was still his possession and whether he had it hanging around his neck or stuffed into his bag for safekeeping, it was still his and it could still give him some luck or belief no matter where it was.

"I hope so."

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"You're sure this is going to work?" (Y/n) questioned as she pressed a hand over her mouth to try and calm down her breathing. They were one hour away from getting on the boat and she was not ready for this.

She and Billy had gone to the satellite station the other day and put a reverter into the wiring so that the could override the system in about half an hour and that had gone well. One and Seven had gone and gotten control of the power grid and Three and Five had gone to the monuments in the city and placed explosives there which they would set off any moment now.

Those days leading up today had been fine because they weren't life-threatening like today was going to be. If they even managed to get onto the boat, they were going to put themselves in the kind of danger they were unlikely to come out of.

(Y/n) knew what she had been walking into with this mission but somehow it wasn't sinking in until now that this could cost them all their lives. She had nearly lost her life once, she didn't want to do that again.

"No." One responded, a rather worried expression on his face as he tried to smile but it didn't quite work. He didn't know how far they would get with the plan but he was certain they weren't going to make it out of this alive.

"Nice, that's really comforting." Billy deadpanned as he raked his fingers through his hair, brushing the curls back on his head as he felt his own nerves running wild. He wanted the chain to be back around his neck so he could hold the bullet and try and find some sort of comfort or luck but he had already taken it off and put it in his bag. The chain was safely tucked into his rucksack back on the plane for when they went back, if they even survived this mission.

"I'm not your mother, you don't need me to comfort you." He snarked back before sighing. "Alright, anyway. Five is on the boat already and Three is waiting near the president to follow when he leaves. It'll take us an hour to get to the boat. Once we're on the boat, Two, you can't go down below the kitchen level or you'll be too close to the magnets and it will be too hard to isolate you with all the metal down there."

(Y/n) nodded her head but she bit down on her nail out of nervousness. It had been bad enough on the plane when they had tested out the magnets, the boat was going to be so much worse.

There were going to be four magnets on the boat and (Y/n) was going to feel the magnetic pull of all of them. She was at least going to be able to move around this time without being pulled into the wall or smashed into anything. (Y/n) couldn't help but feel nervous about going on the boat more because of the magnets than anything else because One had promised he had fixed the phone but it could still go wrong.

"Come on, let's get this show on the road." Seven stated before he headed over to the jeep and got in the driver's seat.

"I think something's going to go wrong." (Y/n) whispered the words so quietly that Billy had to lean closer to check he had heard her right. He reached over and took her hand tightly in her own as he guided her to the jeep, the pair of them climbing in the back.

"Something always goes wrong but we've been alright so far, right?" Billy pulled at the scarf around his neck so he could actually talk and breathe through the heat that was swarming through the air. Each mission had been a shitshow so far but they had done well all things considered. They had made it through each phase of this mission with hiccups and disasters striking along the way. This would be no different.

"We lose Six and we nearly lost you. I don't like this feeling, Billy." (Y/n) tightened her hand around his as she leaned her head on his shoulder, trying her hardest to stay calm and hold herself together but it wasn't working.

They had lost Six in Florence and it had hit (Y/n) hard because she didn't know anything about him. He was meant to be one of the team, their friend, their family but they had simply dumped him overboard and acted like he never existed. (Y/n) didn't want to lose anyone else and she didn't want to die herself but she couldn't stop the feeling inside of her telling her that something was going to happen.

They had almost lost Billy back at the tower when he couldn't get on the zipline and then when he was compromised on the building. If Seven hadn't of stood up with (Y/n) and gone against One then Billy would have been dead by now and they would have lost another member of the team.

What if someone else was to die or get compromised this time around?

"We walked into this knowing we could die, but we're all in this shit together this time. If you're compromised, if I'm compromised, if someone's in trouble, we'll come and get them. It'll work out, trust me."

They had the free will to go and save someone this time around and One had agreed to that. He knew they were going to go back for each other and help one another out if they needed to and he wasn't going to blow his top if they did. They could look out for each other better so that meant they had a slightly better chance of getting through this mission.

"I hope you're right."

[cholie]

The Red Pearls - A Pirate Au

This is a oneshot about my personal friend group, all for fun^^ I might make more in the future. Sorry in advance if there’s a lot of spelling errors, I’m wiritng this in the middle of the night haha.

Age, names and appereance are not completely accurate to any of us.

Trigger warning: Blood, mention of physical abuse also mention of death and scared of someone dying, a lot of people being stabbed, shooting, drinking. Fill me out if there’s anything needed.

Genre: Angst, fluff, not a sad ending tho.

Word count: 3,1k

Year 1580

"Phew, atleast we got away safer than last time" Nerina blurted out looking at her captain.

"Yes indeed, we woulden't want it to be like last time, Hope almost burned down the cannons" Julie said, the two went quiet before laughing again.

On the pirate ship Aurora ruled by The Red Pearls are the captain Choi Julie, with strawberry red slight curly hair, her roots covered by a black hat, a worn big white blouse covered by a black corsetbelt that's been sitting tight on her tiny waist with a gun in her belt, black trousers that hugs her legs with the matching black-brown boots and a long worn red jacket. She has an eyepatch over her left eye while everyone can see how black her right eye is, you had to be very close to be able to see her pupil.

Julie is the oldest at 25 yet also one the shortest at 157cm.

The sailingsmaster Nerina Lamora, her outfit is similar, the blouse is more loose and her corsetbelt isn't that tight, in it she has a sword and a gun, her hair is brown and goes to her shoulders with one side covered by rings in her hair in a braid, with is she has bangs that goes a little over her forehead. Nerina had the most mysterious green eyes anyone had ever seen which made her appear very mysterios and charming.

Nerina is one of the youngest with her age of 22 and the next tallest with her height of 168cm.

"Guys have you seen Mimi?" The master gunner Hope walks over to the two girls, they're wearing a  worn beige blouse with a long black skirt with some black pants under and some black boots, they had a red corset around their waist that went right under their chest, they have one blue and one green eye, they also have a dimple on their right cheek. Their hair is short, black and with a side cut.

Hope is the youngest of 20 and also the tallest of 170cm.

"I'm here!! I'm here!!" Mimi yelled to the three running over to them pancing and trying to focus on her breath, looking up at them and laughing a little. The quartermaster Mimi Marleen was wearing like the rest, a white worn blouse, except this was a little tighter and was scuffed up to her elbows on both sides, a brown vest stopping at her chest that was a little tighter with two bigger daggerts in it, down her neck was a long necklace, with some black pants that had a slight hint of dark green in them scuffed under her vest to create a neat look, she wore some black boots that went up to right under her knee, she had long blonde hair in a half updo, some frontpieces sticking to her forehead because of the sweat as the sun was high up, she had blue eyes and a freckles giving her a cute look.

Mimi is 22, older than Nerina and is 163cm, even though she isn't near being the youngest she's the cutest on board and acts like the littlesister to them all.

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Year 1566

It was night on the island of Cuba, Julie was running off her dad's ship, praying that she wasn't gonna be caught by one of the workers on the ship, she was tiny and very sneaky so luckily she got away with small scracthes from when she had hit some of the rocks on her way away.

Julie was abused a lot physically by her uncle and her dad, she did get a lot of fighting and survival skills  out of it by always watching them fight and in the night doing it herself in secret hoping she wouldn't get caught, she had lived on sea almost all her life, her mom died when she was 2 so she dosen't really remember anything.

Julie had been running for a long time finally finding another beach, she noticed a bar and with her little money she could maybe be able to find some food and some water. When she got inside she looked around noticing people in the tavern, in the cornor were two ladys and two men, they looked like they were having fun, not anything Julie got concerned about, she heard a high shriek from the other end of the bar and saw two men, looking down at this small girl who they had their hands on.

Julie ran over and pushed the girl behind her while she took her little daggert, pushing the daggert into the man who had the girls arm's leg, he shrieked in pain and his friend wasn't focused on the two girls anymore as they both ran out of the bar, over to a bush and hide behind it.

"Thank you.." The girl said to Julie.

"You're welcome, but you were very close to being slaughtered and god knows what else they were gonna do to you" Julie said to her concerned.

"My name is Mimi Marleen, what's your name?" The girl named Mimi said to Julie.

"Choi Julie, pleasure to meet you, now we should probably get away" Julie said looking at Mimi, noticing her wear, she had a pale blue skirt that went from her waist down to her legs, she had a very old white blouse and a brown vest that went over her tiny waist and up along her shoulders and back, her hair was blonde and loose, she looked tired and dirty.

"Are you okay?" Julie asked Mimi, Mimi looked at her crooking a small smile and shook her head.

"Not really, I was trying to steal some food since I haven't eaten at all today" Mimi said, Julie took her smaller hands in hers and promised it was gonna be okay and so it was! Julie and Mimi stuck together through thick and thin, Julie learned how to properly survive on land as she had been living on the sea her entire life, Mimi learned how to defend herself and fight, they learned to be quicker and smarter in how to steal food, since they didn't have a lot of money for things.

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Year 1570

"RUN MIMI" Julie shouted to Mimi, they were running for their lives, for the first time in 4 years had they encountered Julie's dad's crew and her worst nightmare, her uncle. Julie's uncle caught Julie, stabbed her in the eye but Mimi was quick to react and pulled out Julie's daggert and stabbed the uncle in the leg before pulling Julie out and running away, the uncle gasped loudly and winched in pain as to how deep Mimi made the cut.

"Julie, please are you okay? Please don't leave me" Nerina approached the two girls she just saw running out of a bush on the beach of southeren La Florida.

"What happened here?" Nerina was quick to answer, her flowy pink dress touched the sand as she sat down on the other side of Julie.

"We were running away from her uncle and I think she got stabbed in the eye, she woulden't let me see and she won't asnwer me right now" Mimi cried out, playing with her fingers.

"Hey it's gonna be okay, let me take you both to my room and let me fix her up" Mimi's eyes began to lighten up, because never in a million years did she want to loose one of the people that became very important to her and especially now when Mimi dosen't really have anyone else, theyre not in havana anymore and Mimi woulden't know how to get back.

When the three girls arrived in Nerina's room she was quick to fix up a lot of surgeon's stuff, she realized how bad her eyes was, there was a lot of blood spilling out, she took the eye out and began fixing her, sewing her eyes together as they formed a big scar. Nirena was as a small kid taught how to perform surgery's and by the age of 12 she was very helpful to many people, she took a glance over at Mimi and saw her sleeping in a sitting position and couldn't help but smile, it's nice they have each other. Nerina fixed Julie up and got a light eye patch she could take over the left eye to make sure nothing bad would come in from the winds, she went over and began fixing Mimi up from all the scars she had gotten from the rocks she probably had fallen on.

It was morning and they had all awoken, Julie had the wprst headache she had pobably ever experienced but Nirena was quick to help her and clean up her scar.

"I'm Nerina Lamora! It's a pleasure to meet you both" Nerina took out her hand and both Julie and Mimi shook them.

"I'm Choi Julie, and this is Mimi Marleen, we just recently came from Havana by hopping on a random boat and to be honest, we have no clue on what we're gonna do from now on" Julie said, Mimi nodding along to every word spoken.

"My parents work in the big business that's so popular to talk about these days, I come from Havana but I'm barely home, I'm always here in this house and I kinda miss being at home but mom and dad dosen't say anything to me other than 'there there, just sit and be pretty, we'll talk when we get back' but we never talk" Nerina said, a frown forming on all of the girls faces.

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Year 1573

Three years after their meeting with Nerina they had quickly become good friends with her and had found a place to stay, Nerina had finished her education and had made her parent's very proud while Mimi and Julie had been making a plan on stealing one of the ships and getting out there, they knew it would most likely be impossible without people so they befriended five others who seemed to have taking a huge interest in their plan and followed them throughout the three years, all of them not wanting a big role on the ship but just wanting to be free from their lives and live on the sea, they trusted Julie, Mimi and Nerina a lot.

"They want me to take over the business" Nerina said, her voice choked up in tears.

"Do you want to?" Asked a worried Mimi, Nerina shook her head letting herself fall into Mimi's arms, Julie being worried while going over to hug them.

"Come with us, I know you might think it's one of the scariest things but we promise you we'll keep you safe" Julie said, comforting Nerina, Nerina nodded.

"Wait really??" Mimi shook up, a big smile formin on her lips.

"Yes, I would rather go with you than keep on being stuck here and I'm getting tired of being the pretty perfect girl" Nerina said, all three jumping up and down in happiness.

The evening after went better than expected, Nerina had packed a big back with food, a lot of water, surgeons gear and everything that they needed before handing it to one of he other crewmates and dissapearing out in the evening with them all, they found a pretty big ship and with the skills in fighting and weapon they were well prepared.

They arrived on the ship and got rid of all the guards and secured the whole ship and accepted all the others on board.

"All the others are in the nearby taver- Did you just knock all those men out and throw them over to the shore?" Nerina said, a confused look on her face as all the five people nodded laughing at how how impressed she was. They all managed to escape the city and flow out to the sea, Julie sat down in one of the rooms sobbing quietly as Nerina went inside.

"Hey Julie, what happened?" She asked concerned on why her friend was crying when they just managed to get free.

"This is actually my dad's ship, they didn't have a lot of people on it and I know it from every angle so I decided it was this ship we were gonna take" Julie said, making a little smile on her face.

"I threw a lot of his stuff overboard and cleared the 3 main bedrooms so they looked more fresh, theres a bedroom with 4 beds if you want it to be your surgeosn room?" Julie asked Nerina.

"I would love that, I don't wanna be a main surgeon on here to be honest, I love climbing and looking out at the sea and looking at maps" Nerina said.

"You could be the sailingsmaster? You're pretty good with maps and can find out a lot of stuff easy and you're probably also the only one of here that can read fully" Julie said to Nerina.

A couple of months went by and they had painted the ship a darker brown while letting it be prettier, and taken the flag down, they had costumized the rooms better and having a big room where the five other crewmates asked to sleep. Julie had been choosen to be the captain with her knowlegde and respect. Nerina had been choosen to be the sailingsmaster and Mimi had been choosen as the quatermaster.

While sailing away from Port Nelson to Nassau they realized there had been a shipwreck.

"Wait theres a person there, we gotta go look" Julie half yelled to her crewmates, they got a boat ready and began sailing over to the body and seeing that they we're lying on a big piece of the boat, unconcious, Mimi quickly got gtip in the body and with help they got them on their boat, doing cpr, hoping that they would still be alive.

They began coughing water up and looked at the girls in utter confusion.

"Uh.. Hi" They said looking at the three girls, Julie waviing to them and explaining everything they had witnessed.

"Oh.. I'm really cold actually" They had said, they all quickly began sailing back to the ship and got them covered in a blanket in Nerina's surgeon room.

"So tell me, what's your name?" Julie had asked, Mimi had a huge smile on her face, making them know that no one of them would hurt them.

"Hope Wegryn, a now former gunner on the ship that wrecked, I'm 13" They finished, Julie being in shook.

"13?? How experienced are you?" Julie asked.

"I've been down at the gunners all my life on sea, so I would say pretty experienced" Hope said.

And just like that they had a new master gunner, Hope was a natural.

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Year 1580

After now 7 years on sea as a crew they were wanted from the left and right, they we're famous elite pirates and their bounties we're higher than most pirates. They got their name from when a stranger had encountered Julie as a red pearl, she decided that they all were pearls, special and filled with rage from their past lives, so the red pearls suited them just fine.

"Come one! the tavern isn't gonna wait all day is it?" Hope said to the three girls.

"Well actually it kinda is-" Julie started before being dragged by her fellow crewmates towards the tavern, them ordering the usual rum and starting to dance all around the tables. Julie and Mimi were probably the most dangerous of the four as they had shot more people than they could could count to, they didn't do it because they were filled with rage they did it to prevent poor girls to be treated like they were, maybe a little aggresive but they always made sure to get the girls in safe hands afterwards.

Hope and Nerina we're an iconic duo as Hope would usually flirt with the guys in the tavern that earlier had touched some of the boys and girls inappropriate places and ofcoruse they got away with it, they had their techniques, and after getting them in the cage Nerina would come over and smack them stealing their money and running out of the place back to the ship. They definently weren't someone to be messed with, they would make sure to make your life a living hell if you did anything that was innapropriate.

"You know, I really love you" Mimi called to Julie, they had their usual flirting whenever they got drunk with each other, it wasn't meant in anyway serious they were just very happy for each other. Julie went over and gave Mimi as kiss on the cheek and downed yet another glass of rum, spotting another captain in the other end of the room, blushing lightly when they got eye contact.

"Maybe you should come with me for a bit" Hope said to one of the gross men who leaked of a cheap whine and smelled abseloutly disgusting, Hope could never see themselves with anyone like this, their standarts are way too high.

"We could have a fun night babygirl" The man said, running hands down Hope's hips, Hope almost gagged all over him of the thought of him. Before Hope was being touched anywhere else Nerina came into the smaller room and smacked the man with a bat she had found earlier taking it with her because she knew she would need it later on.

They took the money from the man threw him on the beach further away.

"What up cap? Looks like you got enough" Hope said laughing at how red Julie was in the face.

"It matches your hair" Nerina said bursting out laughing at her comment making a few people look at them, being a little disturbed.

"I got the money from the man, ugh he was so gross to Hope" Nerina continued and they both sat down on the two other chairs.

"Amazing, this was definently a thougher one you've encountered Hope, you're very good" Mimi complimented Hope, she laughed a little and smacked her entire body over Hope, making all of them laugh a little, Mimi was really cute.

"What got you so red cap?" Hope asked Julie who had calmed a little down but before she could answer Mimi interrupted.

"Choi Julie here my friends saw a very handsome man in the other end of the room, he has a brown mullet and a very cute smile" Mimi said making Julie once again red as she decided to hide her face behind her hat this time.

Nerina looked over at the guy having the times of his life with his seven other crewmates, he indeed was very cute.

"Well cap, we're gonna stay here at Nassau for a long time, so if you don't get mannered up today, let's try and get you into the flirting game tomorrow" Hope said, they all downed a glass of expensive wine and nodded. They decided to go back to the ship, Julie on the way out catching a warm smile from the other captain and smiling back before going with the others back to the ship.

[smol-and-grumpy]

Dear Dean (Chapter 16)

Re-post

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC (Jamie Blum)

WC: 7.1k

Summary: After taking Saint Lo, by sheer dumb luck, Lieutenant Dean Winchester from the 29th Infantry Division, Baker Company, received a truckload of replacements for his platoon that was falling apart. Little did he know, that one recruit would change his life forever.

Chapter Warnings: Angst, fluff but also a lot of hope

SERIES MASTERLIST

April 29th, 1945

“What’s your name?”

Dean looked at the soldier who had a tight grip on his arm as he walked him out of the camp. There were American soldiers everywhere, and they loaded up the POWs into deuce-and-a-halfs.

“Winchester. Dean Winchester.” Dean replied, his mouth felt dry.

The soldier stalled to scribble something on a piece of paper. “What’s your rank? Which was your company?”

Dean took his time to remember. “Lieutenant,” He began to speak. “Lieutenant Dean Winchester, 2nd Battalion, 116th Regiment, 29th Infantry Division. Baker Company.”

“Alright,” He scribbled it down before he guided Dean to the truck. “You’re going to be alright, Lieutenant. We’ll get you checked up and if there should be anything you need, just let us know.”

“You should take care of the others first. I’m okay.” Dean said as he looked around. There were prisoners and soldiers everywhere and it was hard to keep track, but there were people who needed help more than he did. He was walking and talking, he was alright.

“Sir, we’re going barrack by barrack. It’s alright, you just let us take care.”

“My.. shit,” Dean wanted to turn around, run back to his barrack to retrieve the letters that he had stuffed into a musette bag. “My letters, I gotta go back for them.”

“No problem, sir. They’re all here.” The soldier patted the bag that he hung around his shoulder.

“Oh,”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to leave important things, behind, would we. I know how important these are.” He smiled to him. The soldier waited until Dean was sitting in the deuce-and-a-half. He saluted Dean before the truck drove off with Dean sitting there, clinging to his musette bag.

May 1st, 1945

Everything happened so quick. Dean thought he was dreaming. The liberation. Prisoners cheering and then the long drive in the bed of the truck until they brought him over to England for a check up.

“Shit, your leg is fucked up.” The doctor said to him.

“Tell me something I don’t know, doc.” Dean replied dryly. He didn’t want to actually stay there longer than he had to. If he had a say, he’d be on a freaking boat sailing towards homeland right about now.

But apparently, that wasn’t good enough for them to let him go. “We have to fix it properly.” They were so adamant to fix things. As if they were trying to make good on leaving him behind. There was no other option for Dean than to undergo a surgery, let them break his leg again and put on a cast so it could grow back properly.

However, they were so understaffed that they could only get him into surgery in two weeks time, since his case is not deemed a priority.

He met Harvelle though, so that was a good thing. Harvelle saluted him when he came to stand before him in the hospital corridor. He looked good. Dean thought he looked excellent for what he went through.

“Sir.” Harvelle said and Dean could see the glimmer of tears in the sergeant’s eyes.

Fuck this. Dean thought to himself and pulled Harvelle in for a hug.

They spent the afternoon together, sitting and talking.

“I’m going home.” Harvelle said, a grin on his face.

“Yeah, you go there, tell them I’m coming, too.”

“I’m so glad I ran into you, sir.” Harvelle got up to his feet and he faced Dean. He saluted one last time and Dean did the same. “It was a pleasure and an honor to serve with you, Lieutenant. I’m glad you were my leader.”

“Oh please, no chick flick moments, alright?”

They both chuckled behind tears.

“Tell Bambi hi from me, alright.”

“Yeah. I will.” Dean didn’t want to tell Harvelle that he didn’t even know if Jamie wanted to see him. He didn’t know if Bambi was still waiting or not. He was going to go there anyway, even if it was only for him to give her the letters. He wasn’t writing to her anymore. Hadn’t been since he was liberated. He would rather talk to her in person.

June 21st, 1945

Dean sat on a bus, riding towards Trenton, North Carolina with a weird feeling in his gut. He had to stop over night and booked himself a small motel room, but he couldn’t sleep. Counting sheep did not work at all. His mind was racing around Bambi. He wondered how she would react to seeing him again, but most of all, if she’d remember him at all.

He contacted Cas and caught up with him while he was recovering from his surgery. He begged for Cas to give him Bambi’s address. Cas was doing great. He’d been promoted to Captain after Dean was reported MIA. He still had a long military career ahead of him, and he was going to stay in Germany for quite a while longer.

Dean still had a cast. He was impatient to get on a ship. They said that it would take another two weeks until he could take it off, but he couldn’t wait. He thought that he had waited long enough.

He walked weirdly from the bus station to Jamie’s house and people were staring. To be fair, he couldn’t blame them. His cast ended just below his knee. He had his uniform pants cut off just above the knee and there was a patch of exposed flesh, but yeah, Dean simply didn’t care. The bar of shame was only so high as people would allow it and honestly, Dean’s bar was non existent. He’d lost all of his shame back in Germany, at the latest when Benjamin came barging in when Dean was jerking off to Bambi’s picture.

His heart was beating out of his chest when he walked down the driveway of the house. He was sure it could be heard from miles away. It reminded him of the rhythmic sound of army boots on dirt roads that used to calm him.

The house still looked like in the picture that Jamie sent him. It was a beautiful evening. The sun was still high in the sky and the wind carried a salty tint to it. Dean saw the mailbox. Blum was painted onto it in uneven and colorful letters. They probably did it while they were still kids, or Jamie did it. He figured he should probably not mention it to avoid a dig in his rib cage.

He walked up to the mailbox and his eyes fell to the porch. There was a man sitting in a lazy chair.

Dean gulped, swallowing down the anxiety that burned in his throat as his eyes settled on a newborn baby in the man’s arms. Dean could’ve died right there.

She moved on. She’s a mother. 

Dean could see that the man’s right leg was missing. Probably a veteran like he was. It made sense that Jamie would find comfort in someone who knew what she went through. Dean just wished that someone was him.

The man eyed him up suspiciously, and he already had a hand on his stick, ready to stand up and probably chase him away.

Dean stalled for a moment.

“Good evening, sir.” He was there for a reason, after all, whether she waited or not. He wouldn’t break his promise to her. It was the least he could do. Dean began to stutter. “I..uh..I-I..I’m looking for Jamie.”

“She’s inside.”

Shit, why did he think that coming there would be a good idea? She probably didn’t even want to see him. Clearly Jamie moved on, and Dean was happy for her. He really was, but it hurt nonetheless. He had a hard time staying straight faced.

“Should I call her?” The man asked.

“I..uh..no, no. That’s okay.” Dean walked closer and leaned his stick against the house, before he opened up his bag that he still had slung around his shoulder.

He fished out the letters with trembling fingers. He didn’t know why he was so clumsy all of a sudden, but he dropped half of the pages. They fluttered to the ground in what felt like slow motion. When Dean tried to retrieve them, his bag hit the ground, sending his stick onto the ground, too.

He left the bag and everything on the ground and came up red faced. Dean felt his ears burning up from shame. Guess the bar wasn’t that high after all, huh? His fingers tried to sort themselves through the pages of letters, careful not to mess up the order. He knew the man had to want him to leave. Dean looked like a bumbling idiot, shuffling papers on his hands and knees in front of his old flame’s home, staring straight into the eyes of her new husband and child. “I.. shit, I just wanted to give her these, sir.” He was still sorting it through when the man called in for Jamie, the newborn still sleeping peacefully in his arms.

Dean could hear footsteps on the inside, and shit, Dean wasn’t prepared. He suddenly wished his leg was healed so he could run. He rehearsed it in his head, imagined their reunion, but he had never imagined what he would do if he saw another man with a baby on her porch.

She was coming out, and Dean was still awkwardly sorting through the letters.

Shit, his heart was beating out of his chest. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like seeing her anymore. He felt like he was making a huge mistake. After all that time and everything that he’d been through, he knew that his luck wasn’t good enough to have things go well. You get what you get.

“Doesn’t matter, sir. I’ll be..I’ll just see myself out. I’ll be out of your hair in a bit… I… uh… I just wanna leave them here.” Finally he rearranged the letters and placed them onto the stairs. He put a stone he found on it as not to let the wind carry the pages away.

Dean picked up his bag, his stick, and he was already turning around when he heard her voice.

“Dean?”

Shit.

Dean closed his eyes at the sound of her voice.

He didn’t know if he should turn around. Didn’t know if he wanted to see her, because if he saw her, he would have a fucking damn hard time walking away from her. Dean knew that much.

“Dean, is that you?”

He still had his eyes close and breathed in and out. He never thought it would be so hard to turn around and see her again.

“Dean.”

Her voice was shaking, and Dean had to. He knew that he had to turn around.

He swallowed down the tears that were biting in the back of his skull, because he didn’t want her to see him cry.

And then he turned.

Jamie stood on the porch, and she looked as beautiful as ever. No, that was a lie. She was more beautiful now. She had curves and her hair was long. She was not the private anymore. She was a beautiful girl with a sundress that complimented her eyes. The eyes that were still the same size and oh god, that smile that made Dean’s knees weak.

She let out a squeal of excitement before she ran down the steps and flung herself into his arms, and Dean wasn’t prepared. He dropped his bag and stick quickly and he wrapped his arms around her. He wasn’t steady on his leg, but he managed to not fall on his ass when she collided with him.

She wrapped her legs around his body, hooking her bare feet at his back, her soles digging into his spine. His arms wrapped around her, holding her up, and one resting on the back of her neck as he pressed her closer. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and cried. Dean felt her tears streaking his neck and fuck, he cried, too. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent that she carried. It wasn’t camouflage cream and war. It was sweet Summer breeze and flowers.

Bambi looked at him as she cradled his cheeks between the palms of her hands. She trailed her fingers across his face, painting his eyebrows with the tip of them, connecting his freckles, and she looked at him so intense, as if she didn’t believe that he was there. She kissed him then, and it felt like something Dean has been waiting to do for so long. It was sweet and reminded him of honey. It was just the two of them in the entire world.

“It’s you.” She muttered when she parted and rested her forehead on his. “It’s really you.”

“I made it.” He sniffed. “I promised.”

“You did.” She smiled, kissing the tip of his nose.

And then it was like she remembered something. “Sam?”

Dean closed his eyes as another flood of tears were stinging at them. “No.” It was the only thing he could say, and she understood because she hugged him tighter, letting him bury his face in the warmth of her hair and neck. Dean cried.

“I’m sorry.” She said over and over, and Dean nodded. He knew that she was.

Jamie didn’t ask where he was and what took him so long. Never asked why he didn’t answer her. All of it didn’t matter at the moment, and Dean was glad because he wouldn’t know how to begin to tell her about all the things he’d been through. She’d read it in the letters, he thought.

After a while, she writhed herself out of his grip, and Dean put her back down. “I’m sorry, I should have said that I’m coming. I just.. I’m not staying. I just wanted to drop the letters.” Dean pointed his chin towards the letter, well aware that the man was still watching them. What kind of man lets his woman kiss another man right in front of him? Dean figured the guy should kick his ass, but he was grateful that he didn’t.

She picked up the letters and walked back to Dean. “You never got the chance to send them.”

“No.”

She nodded at him and then her free hand found his, and she laced her fingers through them before she smiled. “Come on, I want you to meet someone special.”

Someone special.

It felt like someone shot a hole through Dean’s heart. He didn’t want to back out now, though. He’d come that far. Jamie was still someone who kept him alive, and the very least Dean could do was being civil about it.

He climbed up the porch, his cast banged against the wood, and he told them that he was sorry for the loud noise he was making. He was afraid that he would wake up the baby.

Dean stood there, facing the man, and the baby in the man’s arm was still sleeping peacefully. What an angel.

“Sir, you’re Lieutenant Winchester?” The man asked him and there was an excitement in his voice. Something Dean couldn’t miss.

“Yes.”

“Well, shit, Jamie. He’s even better looking than in the photograph!” The man grinned brightly and looked from Bambi back to Dean.

Is he? Dean didn’t know, he thought he was probably doing alright again. He’d lost a lot of weight, but it was slowly coming back. He’d been eating for three lately and sun did kiss his skin good on the way over on the deck of the ship.

“Shut it.” Bambi said, taking the newborn from the man’s grip, and Dean smirked when he saw her blushing.

The man saluted him then. “Sir, thank you for your service and for looking out for my sister.”

“Sister?” Dean was confused.

“Yeah, sister. Come on, don’t tell me that you still don’t know that she’s not a man.” He joked and started to laugh while Dean looked at Bambi with wide eyes. Bambi laughed too, leaving Dean puzzled.

“That’s Jameson, Dean. They found him, dehydrated and weak. He’d been shot and the leg already started to stink.”

Dean could feel his heart making somersaults.

“Like cheese that’s way over the date, sir.” Jameson added, and Dean frowned at the comment.

“James! Ew. We didn’t need the details.” Bambi laughed at her brother. “Anyway, they patched him up real nice, but he lost his leg. I’ve just been informed about it a couple of weeks after I got back.”

“Shit, Jameson. Nice to meet you.” He held out a hand for Jameson to take, but Jameson opted for a hug instead. “Oh, alright.” Dean chuckled and patted Jameson’s back.

“Was that the big news you wanted to tell me in person?” Dean couldn’t help but remember the last letter she sent out to him.

“Yeah, that. But also, this.” She held out the newborn for Dean to take. He looked at the child with wide eyes. He didn’t know how he should hold such a damn small baby.

“I..uh..I shouldn’t. I’ve never…” Dean didn’t want to drop it, especially since he felt like he was having an extra clumsy day.

“Come on, it’s not that hard, Dean.”

“Yeah, just put your arms like that.” Jameson showed him, folding his arms in front of his chest, and Dean mimicked Jameson.

Before Dean could say anything more or tell Bambi that he wasn’t ready yet, she laid the newborn into his arms. He couldn’t help but looking at it and kinda try to hold onto it tight.

Dean marveled at the baby in his arms. He studied the baby’s face. He couldn’t unsee that it had faint freckles, and the tip of the baby’s nose was shaped like his. The baby yawned and blinked a couple of times before it drifted back to sleep.

“It’s a girl.” Bambi said. “Her name’s Hope.” She stood here, hugging herself as she watched Dean with the baby in his arms, a warm smile on her face. “Because I never stopped hoping that you’d be coming back. I never wanted to lose hope so that’s why I will always have Hope to remind me.” Jamie brushed away the tears that fell down her cheek.

It dawned on Dean then, and he gasped. Suddenly his knees felt much weaker than before. He walked to the chair, shoving past Jameson. He was sorry, but he needed to sit the fuck down.

Dean took a seat in the lazy chair, little Hope still tight in his grip, and his arms were cramping because he was afraid he’d drop her. Jamie came to sit on the arm of the chair.

Dean needed a moment to rest, to clear his mind, and he wished he had his hands free to rub the bed of sweat off his face.

“I-is she?” His voice came out a little strangled, a little shaky.

“Yours, Dean.”

Dean’s eyes started to tear up. His vision blurred and shit, he really wished he had a hand free to wipe it away before it would run down his cheeks.

Bambi’s fingers were there quick, though. Brushing the tears away as they about to drop down and Dean sniffed.

“How?” It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her. It was really more like how?

“I don’t know. Guess my body still worked, even though I haven’t had my period for years.”

“When?” Dean’s mind couldn’t form more than one word at the moment, but thankfully she understood him.

“She came early. May 13th.”

“Shit.”

Dean thought back. He was out already. If he would have gone back straight away, if they would have let him, he would have been there. “I’m sorry. I was out of the camp by then. I was having surgery in England on that day. I… shit, I should have just.. shit, Jamie I missed it. I’m sorry.”

He looked up into her eyes, and she was smiling down at him. “It’s ok.” Her hand squeezed his shoulder and Dean looked back to the little girl in his arm. His little girl.

“Would you like to stay?” She asked him.

He looked back up at her, his heart started to beat faster because those were the words he was hoping to hear for forever. “If you let me, I’d love to, yes.”

*

After dinner, they sat comfortably on the couch which turned out to be Jameson’s bed, because he couldn’t take the narrow stairs up and down on his own.

“Couch by day, my bed by night.” Jameson declared, and he was so proud of it when he showed them how the couch folds out to be a bed.

Dean was still holding his little girl in his grip, she was sleeping so peacefully. He was afraid that if he let her go, she’d be screaming bloody murder. He remembered how he was holding Sam when Sam was still just a baby and every time he’d put Sam down, Sam would cry for him to take him back into Dean’s arm.

“Dean, you ok?” Bambi asked when she finished clearing the table, and it pulled Dean out from his thoughts.

“Huh?” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, no, fine.”

She smirked at him. “Just..uh.. you look a little stiff, there. You sure, you alright, Lieutenant?”

Dean looked from the baby up to Bambi who came to stand in front of him. “Yeah..uh.. I.. well, not going to lie. I’m sweating bullets here, and I think I have a cramp in my left arm. But I’m fine, alright. Everything’s fine.”

Jamie pulled a face before she laughed at him. “You know that you can relax, right? You’re not going to drop her.”

“How do you know?” Dean ask snappishly.

Bambi dropped to her knees in front of him. “Because I trusted you with my life, and I trust you with hers. Relax, Dean, alright?” She put her hand on his thighs and rubbing against it. It strangely helped to calm him down.

“Alright you two lovebirds, I’m out. Don’t wait up.” Jameson called out. He secured a prosthetic leg around to his thighs and walked awkwardly to the door.

“Wait, is she here already?” Bambi asked her brother, following him to the door.

“Not yet but I’ll wait on the porch.”

“Take care alright, I’ll have your bed ready for when you’re home.” She kissed Jameson on his cheek before he walked out.

“Where is he going?” Dean asked when Jamie came back into the room.

“He has a date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah, apparently the girls are swooning over him. I mean, he’s lovable, a war hero. They even come here to pick him up. Can you imagine?”

Dean was laughing. “He’s getting around, huh?”

“Ugh..tell me about it, but it’s good. It makes him forget that sometimes, he doesn’t have a leg, you know. And of course it makes him forget the war and that we’ve lost all we had in there.”

“Yeah.” Dean knew what she meant.

“So,” Jamie clapped her hands together. “Do you maybe wanna take a shower and take the day off your skin? You’ve been traveling for so long and don’t forget the sweat of fear when you thought that Jameson was my new man.”

“I didn’t.” Dean gasped, and he tried not to blush.

“Of course you didn’t.” Bambi made a face and nodded at him with a grin. He wanted to shut her up, preferably with a kiss.

Dean shook his head. “I didn’t.” He protested. “Oh, shut up.”

Dean thought about it. He’d really been sweating bullets since he arrived by ship. He was so nervous and anxious the whole time, and it was all for nothing. “I’d love to take a shower..but.. uh..”

“I can take her while you shower.”

She was already there, taking Hope from his cramping arms and oh god, the relief was so good.

“No, I just.. I would need help, with the cast and all. Or if you have a bathtub then I only need help in getting in and out.” Dean couldn’t lie. He felt a little embarrassed that he needed help to do the simplest of things.

“Lieutenant, who would have thought that one day I’d have to help you wash yourself.” Jamie reached out a hand to help him up from the couch, and he stood on wobbly feet before he laced his arms around her waist for stability.

“Shut up.” He mumbled before kissing her.

*

Dean sat in a hot bath, and it did wonders to his aching bones. Jamie helped him in with stupid remarks, but little did she know that Dean missed it. He didn’t even know that he’d missed her wise assery, but there he was, smiling to himself. She went down to prepare Jameson’s bed while Hope was sleeping in her crib.

She came in again after about ten minutes. “You still okay in there?”

“I’m almost done and ready to be served.”

“Yeah. Ha-ha. You’re still not funny, you know that?”

“Shut up, Jameson liked my jokes.”

“That’s only because he’s scared of you.”

She came to kneel next to the tub before she leaned over to give him a kiss. Dean wanted to move but the leg with the cast was draped over the edge of the tub and if he moved, he would fall in and probably drown.

“How did you shower in England?” Bambi asked as she took the sponge that was swimming on the surface and began to rub along his arms.

“Nurses.”

She chuckled. “You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Not really. They were so annoyed with me, I could tell.”

“Why’s that? Did you asked them to clean your pipe while they bathed you?”

“Fuck you.” He pouted at her, and she giggled at that.

*

After the hot bath, he settled into Jamie’s narrow bed, laying on his side waiting for Jamie to shower and nurse Hope in the next room.

She came in, her bathrobe secured tight around her waist.

“She sleeping?” He asked groggily. It had been a long day.

“Shhh, don’t jinx it.” She said and climbed into bed with him her hair was still damp. It smelled like grass and meadows. Dean could imagine smelling this for the rest of his life. He’d rather have that than camouflage cream and nicotine.

She rested her back against the headboard as she began to read through the letters. Dean was drifting in and out of sleep while Jamie sat there and read. He was a little embarrassed that she read it in front of him, but that’s just how she was. Every now and then she searched for his hand and squeezed it tight while he could hear her mumble something like shit and fuck the whole time paired with occasional aww’s and ooh’s.

“I’m so sorry.” She said to him, and he squinted his eyes open.

“It’s alright. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But still.” She had tears in her eyes, he could see it in the dim light of her night stand lamp.

“Shhh. It’s alright. I’m here now.” He pulled her down, letting her curl up in his arms as his hand stroked over her damp hair.

“July 7th.” She said.

“Huh?”

“My birthday. July 7th.” She looked up at him. “When is yours?”

“January 24th.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to wish you a happy birthday.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Happy birthday,” She sat up a bit, smiling as she kissed him.

“Best birthday present ever.” He chuckled against the kiss.

“I have something for you.” Jamie got up and out of bed and walked to her desk drawer. She fished out something and walked back to him. “Hold out your arm.”

Dean did what she asked of him and let her put something around his wrist. It was a leather bracelet with a medallion hanging from it. Dean had to look close to see what was engraved on it. It was a simple “J”.

“Just so that if you ever get lost you remember who to come home to.” She laid herself back down and Dean marveled at the bracelet. “To me, or Jameson, whoever triggers your fancy, Lieutenant.” Jamie shrugged and Dean laughed out loud before he put his arm back around her and kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you. Really best birthday present ever.”

She curled up perfectly against him, her head resting against the crook of his neck. Her spot. Dean could feel her breathing in the scent of his bare skin. It was too hot to wear a shirt. He missed that, sleeping in only his underwear. It had been almost 6 long years since he last did that.

“You smell good.” She said, breathing in and out and Dean chuckled at that comment. It was the first time they were together with no war between them.

His hand brushed the locks away from her face as he cups her cheek in his palm, pulling her in for a kiss. “I’m here like I promised I would be.”

She grinned into the kiss. “So, Benjamin, huh?”

“Shut up.” Dean mumbled against her soft lips.

“I never heard from Sam. You know,” she began to speak, her voice gentle. “I began to worry when I didn’t hear back from you. I thought something terrible must have happened and then when months went by without a letter, I thought that you moved on. Maybe found someone else. Some other cute private from your platoon.”

She made him chuckle a little.

“And then Tran wrote me, telling me that you, Harvelle and Barnes have been MIA. I never gave up hope. I always knew that you were still out there. Like I knew that Jameson was still alive. I never stopped loving you, or believing that one day you’d find your way back to me.”  

“I gave up on you.” He said, feeling a pang of guilt of what he wrote in his last letter.

“Only when you thought that you wouldn’t get out of there. I get that. No hard feelings.” She smirked, kissing him.

“Oh, I’m feeling hard, alright.” Dean chuckled and then he rolled himself on top of her. His knees balanced his weight, and it was a little hard doing all this with a cast on his freaking shin, but he managed. He pressed his body down to her, careful not to crush her but enough to feel her close.

“Lieutenant! You packing? In my house?” She looked at him, gasping, her eyes wide as she felt him hardening on top of her. Her hands were resting on his chest, her fingers grazing his nipple, making him hitch his breathing.

“You like that, huh?” She had a cheeky grin on her lips before she pinched gently at his nipple again, making him moan out a little.

“Shit.” He chuckled. “I’m a little sensitive there, yeah.”

Dean moved lower, his deft fingers unknotting her bathrobe. He pulled it open and then he lowered himself, kissing a trail down her jaw, sucking at her throat until he sucked in her nipple. She still had the faint taste of milk around her areola, but her breasts felt soft. She’d been drained by Hope.

Dean moved lower, and he felt her hand fisting in his short hair. He’d cut them in England to the lengths he had when they first met. He thought that it was a visual aid so that she would remember him.

He went lower still, kissing a path down her stomach that was still well rounded from giving birth to his child. She was perfect.

Dean pulled down her underwear with his teeth and pulled it off her legs before he settled in between her luscious thighs. He looked up to see her watching him, propped on her elbows, her bottom lip between her teeth, her one hand stroking the top of his head.

“Fuck, Bambi, been waiting forever.” He growled, hovering above her pussy, his nose brushing against the faint curls of her pubic hair.

She gripped his scalp tighter. “Just be careful down there, alright. I’m still a little sensitive. Hope’s head was very big.”

Dean chuckled, blowing hot air out against her wet pussy. “Wonder where she got that from.”

He winked at her then before he took a swipe through the middle, parting her folds. The scent of her strong on his tongue, and he loved it. He drank from her like a starving man, exploring her hole with his tongue while she writhed and dug her nails into his scalp.

“Shit.” She was breathless. Dean sucked at her nub, humming against her pussy, making her shake apart under him.

He looked up at her as she came down from her high, brushing the excess wetness around his mouth away with the back of his hand before he smiled at her proudly.

“Come here.” She pulled him up by his hand and shoulder, locking her thighs around his waist.

Dean stripped off his underwear before he crawled back up and positioned himself above her, his dick leaving wet trails along her thighs.

His hard cock slipped right into her without much help, and Dean had to stall. The sensation was overwhelming.

“Shit, I won’t last.” He breathed out, hitting his forehead to hers, their nose bumping.

“Sir, I think you never do last with me.”

“Fuck you very much. Ha-ha. No seriously, I haven’t had sex since the last time we saw each other and fuck, Bambi, it’s better than I could have imagined. Better than I ever knew. Being inside you, I mean.” He started to thrust his hips slowly.

She threw her head back in a fit of laughter, and Dean thought that it was the most wonderful sound he’d ever heard.

“Also, It’s weird.” He said.

“What’s weird?”

“Doing it with you, you know. Horizontal and all. On a freaking bed…”

“Sir? Shut up and fuck me.” Jamie said, pulling him down by the back of his neck.

Dean kissed her, his hips thrusting against her as he whispered “Yes ma’am” against her lips.

He moved his cock in and out, finding a rhythm despite having the cast. They soon found one, and she couldn’t resist pinching and rubbing over his nipple, which in turn almost made Dean lose it.

“Bambi, fuck, I’m..” He was holding himself back. He’s going to fucking explode from sheer pressure.

“Come in me.” She said and Dean’s eyes widened.

She giggled at that. “Dean, we already have a baby together. I’m still nursing. We’re good. And if there should be another baby, it’s not like it’s going to end us.”

He knew that she was right, and fuck, he never thought of having a baby before, but he wanted for Hope to have a sibling. Maybe even have a lot of little Jamie’s running around the house.

“Fuck,” She pulled him down to her, kissing him as he moved faster in and out of her tight and slick heat. “I love you.” He mumbled against her lips and his breathing hitched as he came with a heavy groan.

He breathed hard, kissing her cheeks and mouth before he moved off her after some time, settling himself next to her. He pulled her close and held her in his arms. Dean ran his fingers along her naked back, as she curled up against him.

“What now? Do you, I mean, do you want to move in?”

“Would you want that?” Dean kissed her nose, his heart pounded hard, and he told himself that he should get back into shape soon. And on the inside, he hoped that she’d say yes.

“If you don’t mind that Jameson is staying here, too?” She painted figures on his chest, giggling as she brushed against his nipple and watch him flinch.

“Aww, he thinks I’m handsome and funny, he can stay.”

“You are not funny.”

“What do you mean? I’m hilarious! Jameson laughed at all my jokes during dinner.”

She lifted her head to roll her eyes at him and Dean couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

“I still need to go back to Lawrence and sort out the house. I need to get my belongings and Sam’s.”

“Of course.”

“I’m going to see Trenton’s mom tomorrow. I promised her to come by, and I can’t tell her no. So if you leave, you come back, alright?”

“You still seeing Trenton’s mom?”

“Yeah. She only lives two hours away and Trenton was her only son. She knows about me. I mean, I told her. I couldn’t lie to her. She approves. She was a great help when I was pregnant before Jameson was here. She’s like the mom I never had. I’m taking Hope to see her for the first time.”

“So, what do you say if I come with you? I mean, I’m not on a schedule and can go back to Lawrence later.” He kissed her forehead. “I wanna meet Trenton’s mom too.”

“She would be delighted. I told her about you, too.”

“Does she think that I’m handsome?” Dean couldn’t help but grin.

“She thinks that you’re a dreamboat.” She giggled. “Wait, I don’t think you should come because then she’ll be all over you and who knows, you might stay with her?”

“Oh shut it, Bambi.” He said, pinching at her cheek. “Fucking love you, alright.” He kissed her again and shit, he really did love her.

He closed his eyes and she hummed a sweet melody while she stroked his face, making sure that he’s not an illusion. That Dean wasn’t a dream.

Before Dean drifted off to sleep, he smiled to himself, because that was everything he wanted. It was something he dreamt about all those months. It was something he fought for, even in captivity. Something everyone told him that he deserved. Something Sam would have wanted for him.

*

Dean woke up with a start, drops of cold sweat beading on his forehead.

Shit, he’s late for sentry.

He looked around, his hand fumbled on the ground to find his helmet but instead of finding the metal of his helmet, Dean found the body of a sleeping Bambi next to him.

He chuckled to himself and let out a sigh of relief. He was in her home. She was his home. The war was over.

Dean slipped out of the bed. He needed to air his head, because there was no way he could go back to sleep. He put on a shirt and found his underwear on the floor. He tried to be quiet, as he limped to the door.

The house was quiet except for the snoring sounds of Jameson downstairs.

He walked to the room next door to Jamie’s and went in.

Hope was sleeping in her crib, and he just stood there, his hand gripping the crib to steady himself. His eyes fixed on the little bundle of joy. Dean was still mesmerized. He couldn’t believe that he created a little human. He smiled and watched her sleep.

Maybe it was the gust of wind outside the window, maybe it was his loud breathing, but Hope woke up, her eyes opened and closed. She started to get uneasy.

“Hey, hey, hey… shhhhh,” Dean placed his hand on her little body, “I’m here sweetheart. You go back to sleep, alright?”

Hope was still going strong, and Dean knew that it would only be a matter of time until she would start crying louder. He took her out of her crib, carefully holding his hand the right angle to support her head and then he embraced her close to his chest.

The nursery was not furnished except of the crib so he walked the couple of steps to the next wall and slid down. He sat there, Hope in his arms as he began to talk to her.

“Shhh.. I’m here.” He whispered again as he rocked her. “I wasn’t here before, but I’m here now.” He gently stroke her cheek and brushed against her lips with his finger. To his surprise, Hope began to suckle at his pinky and Dean couldn’t help but smile at that.

“It’s probably not as good as mommy’s breast, huh? But how about you and me, we both let her sleep a little?” He smiled. “You know, Daddy’s been to war. I didn’t know about you. If I would have known, I would have fought harder. I would have come home sooner.” Dean exhaled. “But Daddy’s here now. Alright? I’m not going anywhere. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise.”

Dean took a deep breath.

“One day, I’ll tell you what you want to know.” He was fighting back tears. “Especially about your uncles who fought bravely. There’s your uncle Sam. He was my brother. Shit, Hope, he’s gone, and I miss him every day. Your mom also suffered losses. There’s uncle Jim and uncle Jack who didn’t make it. We’ll make sure that you know about them.” Dean blinked as a tear rolled down his cheek. “I’m sure that they’re watching over you from above, sweetheart.”

“Hey.” Jamie was standing in the doorway, her bathrobe secured around her body, and she smiled at Dean with teary eyes.

He blushed a little and wanted to ask her how long she’d been standing there, but he didn’t. “Hi.”

Bambi came to sit next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. “Nightmares?”

“Yeah.”

“I know. I’ve been having them too.”

Dean tilted his head a little, kissing her forehead.

“I like the idea of telling Hope about her uncles.” She whispered.

“We have to.”

Hope stopped suckling at Dean’s pinky and was about to start crying out. Jamie took her from him. “Feeding time.”

She unlaced her bathrobe and took out her left breast for Hope to take. Jamie made a face when Hope startle to suckle, and Dean frowned. “You okay babe?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just, she can suck pretty hard and it always almost making me dizzy at the beginning.

Dean experienced it on his pinky how hard Hope can suck, and he felt for Jamie.

She started to chuckle then and Dean looked at her. “What?” He asked.

“You called me babe.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“Well, you are a total babe, so.” Dean shrugged, his eyes trailing from her face down to her breast and Jamie changed breasts, docking Hope on to her other one. The nipple that was sucked on was all slick, big and raw. Dean shouldn’t be that turned on, he really shouldn’t.

She let out a soft chuckle again when she saw that he was trying to shift, concealing his slowly growing boner in his underwear. “Dean, does it turn you on seeing me nursing Hope?”

“How do you know?”

She laughed faintly, holding Hope up to burp. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

“Sometimes I’m scared that you do.” He said, kissing Hope, breathing in the scent of the small baby that made his heart full; and then he craned his neck to kiss Jamie, inhaling the scent of home.

..The End

(maybe)

[newstfionline]

Headlines

Trump administration backs off plan requiring international students to take face-to-face classes (Washington Post) The Trump administration on Tuesday dropped its much-criticized plan to require international college students to leave the United States unless they are enrolled in the fall term in at least one face-to-face class. The abrupt reversal, disclosed in a federal court in Boston, came a little more than a week after U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement issued an edict that stunned U.S. higher education leaders and students worldwide. Under the July 6 policy from ICE, international students enrolled in U.S. colleges and universities for the fall semester faced a mandate to take at least one course in person. Those students, ICE said, “may not take a full online course load and remain in the United States.” That mandate posed a major obstacle to plans for online teaching and learning that colleges are developing in response to the novel coronavirus pandemic. Harvard University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology had sued to block the new policy. In a hearing in that case on Tuesday, held before U.S. District Judge Allison D. Burroughs, the judge announced that the schools and the federal government had reached an agreement that made the lawsuit moot. Separately, 20 state attorneys general had also challenged the guidance in court in recent days.

Patients are still delaying essential care out of fear of coronavirus (Washington Post) Jim Johnson was elated when his hip replacement, canceled in March along with other elective surgeries, finally was performed in May. For months, his pain had been so severe he couldn’t sleep, golf or do his job. Just a few weeks after the operation, he tossed his cane away. Hospitals and doctors practices across the country are hoping there are a lot more Jim Johnsons out there—patients willing to shake off fears about the coronavirus and come back for tests and treatments put on hold early in the pandemic. Yet persuading them to return for non-emergency care is a tricky message right now, with the virus slamming the South and West. In parts of Texas, Arizona, Florida and other states, elective procedures have been halted again. For some patients, the spike in infections is reigniting fears about catching the virus in a hospital or a doctor’s office. Doctors worry that could undermine their efforts to win people back, and lead to more lives being lost from other, often preventable causes, such as cancer and heart disease. Doctors say “elective procedures,” including for cancer, can’t be delayed indefinitely without ill effects. Hospitals, meanwhile, see orthopedic, cardiac and cancer surgeries as their key to survival after losing billions of dollars on the shutdown of lucrative procedures.

Global surge in coronavirus cases is being fed by the developing world—and the U.S. (Washington Post) When the United States began shutting down this spring, a virus that emerged months earlier as a mysterious outbreak in a Chinese provincial capital had infected a total of fewer than 200,000 people worldwide. So far this week, the planet has added an average of more than 200,000 cases every day. The novel coronavirus—once concentrated in specific cities or countries—has now crept into virtually every corner of the globe and is wreaking havoc in multiple major regions at once. But the impact is not being felt evenly. Poorer nations throughout Latin America, the Middle East, South Asia and Africa are bearing a growing share of the caseload, even as wealthier countries in Western Europe and East Asia enjoy a relative respite after having beaten back the worst effects through rigorously enforced lockdowns. And then there’s the United States, which leads the world in new cases and, as with many nations that possess far fewer resources, has shown no sign of being able to regain control.

Rules once lifted are reimposed to try to curb new outbreaks (AP) Virus restrictions once lifted are being reimposed, shutting businesses and curbing people’s social lives as communities try to curb a disease resurgence before it spins out of control. Residents of Australia’s second-largest city were warned on Wednesday to comply with lockdown regulations or face tougher restrictions. Melbourne’s 5 million people and part of the city’s semi-rural surroundings are a week into a new, six-week lockdown to contain a new outbreak there. Indian authorities will impose lockdowns in high-risk areas in nearly a dozen states as the nation’s coronavirus caseload approaches 1 million. Renewed restrictions took effect in Hong Kong on Wednesday, with public gatherings limited to four people, restaurants restricted to takeout after 6 p.m., and a one-week closure for gyms, karaoke bars, and selected other businesses. Masks also are mandated on public transit for the first time, with the non-compliant being fined. In the U.S., places including Washington state are delaying timetables for reopening their economies. Gov. Jay Inslee said counties will remain at their current stage of economic reopening at least until July 28.

Chaotic protests prompt soul-searching in Portland, Oregon (AP) Nearly two months of nightly protests that have devolved into violent clashes with police have prompted soul-searching in Portland, Oregon, a city that prides itself on its progressive reputation but is increasingly polarized over how to handle the unrest. Divisions have deepened among elected officials about the legitimacy of the more violent protests—striking at the heart of Portland’s identity as an ultraliberal haven where protest is seen as a badge of honor. Small groups of protesters have set fires, launched fireworks and sprayed graffiti on public buildings, including police precincts and the federal courthouse, leading to nearly nightly clashes with police who have used force that’s caused injuries. Similar unrest engulfed many U.S. cities when Floyd died after a white Minneapolis police officer pressed a knee to his neck on May 25. But in Portland, which is familiar ground for the loosely organized, far-left activists known as “antifa,” or anti-fascists, the protests never stopped. Lost in the debate are the downtown businesses racking up millions in property damage and lost sales and the voices of the hundreds of thousands of Portland residents who have stayed off the streets. “The impact is terrible because what people have seen on the TV ... has scared people who live outside the downtown. They feel it’s that way 24 hours a day,” said David Margulis, who said the protests have caused sales at his jewelry store to drop more than 50%. “I talk to people, on the phone, who tell me: ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever come downtown again.’”

Drug cartel ‘narco-antennas’ make life dangerous for Mexico’s cell tower repairmen (Reuters) The young technician shut off the electricity at a cellular tower in rural Mexico to begin some routine maintenance. Within 10 minutes, he had company: three armed men dressed in fatigues emblazoned with the logo of a major drug cartel. The traffickers had a particular interest in that tower, owned by Boston-based American Tower Corp, which rents space to carriers on its thousands of cellular sites in Mexico. The cartel had installed its own antennas on the structure to support their two-way radios, but the contractor had unwittingly blacked out the shadowy network. The visitors let him off with a warning. The contractor had disrupted a small link in a vast criminal network that spans much of Mexico. In addition to high-end encrypted cell phones and popular messaging apps, traffickers still rely heavily on two-way radios like the ones police and firefighters use to coordinate their teams on the ground, six law enforcement experts on both sides of the border told Reuters. Traffickers often erect their own radio antennas in rural areas. They also install so-called parasite antennas on existing cell towers, layering their criminal communications network on top of the official one. By piggybacking on telecom companies’ infrastructure, cartels save money and evade detection since their own towers are more easily spotted and torn down, law enforcement experts said.

Massive flooding in Southern China (Foreign Policy) Floods in Southern China are a recurring threat, but they are worse than ever this year—with some 38 million people evacuated and at least 141 dead. Rainfall has been double than the predicted amount in many places, threatening millions of lives and numerous important cultural sites. Thousands of soldiers have been dispatched to help shore up defenses against the rising tides. Water control has been a preoccupation for every Chinese ruler, and it will only worsen with climate change. China’s worst-known flooding, in 1931, killed over 2 million people.

South China Sea positions (Foreign Policy) The United States has dispatched two aircraft carriers—likely to be backed by British support—to the South China Sea, increasing the possibility of a regional flash point. It has also declared its formal alignment against China’s disputed claims for the first time, saying that it would use “all tools” to oppose them. In the last decade, China has made significant gains in the South China Sea, building a formidable infrastructure of artificial islands to act as bases while strengthening its naval militia. It is also increasingly aggressive in challenging rival claimants, including stalking Vietnamese oil ships and clashing with fishing boats. The U.S. move is long overdue, but it’s also risky: Xi stakes considerable credibility on the South China Sea claims, and there’s no likelihood of Beijing backing down. The pressure on Chinese officials and military personnel to demonstrate their nationalist enthusiasm is growing, increasing the chance of serious conflict similar to the deadly clash on the Indian border.

Trump signs Hong Kong sanctions law (Foreign Policy) On Tuesday, U.S. President Donald Trump continued a week of moves against China by signing a new law that imposes sanctions on Chinese banks doing business with Chinese officials involved with new national security laws in Hong Kong. The president also signed an executive order, largely mirroring existing policy, that revokes the special treatment Hong Kong had received from the United States under the “One Country, Two Systems” doctrine.

Red alert in Tokyo (Reuters) Tokyo raised its coronavirus alert to the highest “red” level on Wednesday, alarmed by a recent spike in daily new cases to record highs, with Governor Yuriko Koike describing the situation in the Japanese capital as “rather severe”. The resurgence of the virus could add to the growing pressure on policymakers to shore up the world’s No. 3 economy, which analysts say is set to shrink at its fastest pace in decades this fiscal year due to the pandemic. “We are in a situation where we should issue warnings to citizens and businesses,” Koike told a press conference, urging residents to refrain from unnecessary travel.

Lebanon looks to China as US, Arabs refuse to help in crisis (AP) Facing a worsening economic crisis and with little chance of Western or oil-rich Arab countries providing assistance without substantial reforms, Lebanon’s cash-strapped government is looking east, hoping to secure investments from China that could bring relief. But help from Beijing risks alienating the United States, which has suggested such a move could come at the cost of Lebanese-U.S. ties. A tiny nation of 5 million on a strategic Mediterranean crossroads between Asia and Europe, Lebanon has long been a site where rivalries between Iran and Saudi Arabia have played out. Now, it’s becoming a focus of escalating tensions between China and the West. In recent months, the Lebanese pound has lost around 80% of its value against the dollar, prices have soared uncontrollably, and much of its middle class has been plunged into poverty. Talks with the International Monetary Fund for a bailout have faltered, and international donors have refused to unlock $11 billion pledged in 2018, pending major economic reforms and anti-corruption measures. Left with few choices, Prime Minister Hassan Diab’s government—supported by the Iran-backed Hezbollah and its allies—is seeking help from China.

[ms31x129]

Abandoned Son

MSR/angst   Pre-Season 10, some IWTB  

Having his name officially cleared, working on a case putting his talent to work on something substantial and not squirreled away in his office den had invigorated Mulder. Scully wanted to be pleased that he’d shaved and gotten dressed properly. Standing before her was the Mulder she fell in love with and she was scared - would he want to return to the FBI? And if he did would he expect her to follow?

Somehow, someone had pulled some strings 3 years ago and Dana Scully was able to come out of hiding and re-establish herself. She’d not chosen the FBI instead she’d chosen the road not taken - going back to her roots in medicine.

Mulder had supported her 100% although he had questioned her multiple times about her choice of pediatrics. Maybe he was right she’d chosen the specialty to help other couples children when she couldn’t help her own. Still, it felt right and if she didn’t feel that spark of excitement anymore - like solving cases with Mulder - she was fairly content.

Except this case was not what she wanted to work on. Missing people and a pedophile priest wanting what? Redemption? Psychic abilities aside she wasn’t in the mood for any of this, the seedy part of life she’d left behind. At some point Scully began to wonder, was Mulder pulling away from her or was she pushing him away? Why wasn’t she enough for him? And did she have a right to feel that way?

The case spiraled into an unexpected harvesting of organs, Mulder missing, then finding her car had plummeted down a hillside. With Skinner’s help they stopped the criminals and saved one victim. Mulder wasn’t as lucky he ended up injured with a Grade 2 concussion, 4 broken ribs, near hypothermia and numerous scrapes and bruises. And there it was, Mulder in the hospital again, sleeping now and her keeping watch from the plastic chair in the waiting room across the hall drinking stale hospital coffee. Skinner had stayed, silently lending his support with his presence until she heard her mother’s voice, “Dana? How is Fox?”

That was all it took for the damn to burst, Skinner quietly leaving the room. “Oh, mom…” Margaret Scully sat and took her daughter in her arms letting her cry. Scully composes herself and after a few minutes and took the Kleenex her mother hands her. “Why mom, why does this keep happening…. I thought this was all behind us.”

“Dana? There’s more going on than just Fox being injured isn’t there?” Scully nods and starts to speak.

Mrs. Scully looks at her daughter with tenderness, but also resignation she knows what she is about to say will not be what her daughter would want to hear. It had taken a lot of forgiveness on her part to accept Dana’s decision to give William - her grandchild - away and their relationship as mother and daughter is forever changed, but healing.

“Dana when I married your father I knew the type of man he was. Perhaps I didn’t fully comprehend what being a Navy wife entailed, but I loved him. Even when he was miles away, that was his job - what he’d chose to do for a career and he was good at his job.” Mrs. Scully covered Dana’s hands with her own.

“And Dana from what you’ve told me Fox has a talent for solving crimes. I experienced his fight first to find you and then you put that thing in your neck because you trust him - and love him. Is it fair for you to expect him to sit in that house alone while you’re at work? Shouldn’t he be doing what he’s good at?”

Scully spoke so softly Mrs. Scully didn’t hear her. “What Dana?” Scully took a long shuddering breath. “If I’m not enough for him, if the life we have together … I, I have to let him go. Oh mom, I just don’t know if I can be supportive if he chooses the FBI.”

Mother and daughter were interrupted by a nurse. “Dr. Scully? Mr. Mulder is awake and asking for you.” Margaret Scully stood and took a step toward the door. “I’ll go check on Fox if you need to freshen up a bit.” A moment or two passed before Scully stood as she was passing Mulder’s room she saw her mother through the glass with a gentle look on her face speaking to Mulder as she touched his cheek.

Mulder healed physically, Scully performed the final surgery on Christian and Mulder was true to his word. They got away - just the two of them. Unfortunately the beginning of the end had already begun for them.

Two weeks in the Bahamas. Walking through the hot sands of the beach holding hands. Swimming, boating in the blue waters of the ocean. Sharing exotic fruits and icy alcoholic beverages - making love everywhere over and over. The little paper umbrellas became their signal, Scully had started twirling hers and licking her lips while sliding her hand up Mulder’s leg and whispering suggestively all the things she would like to do to him. Scully might be fanning herself of running an ice cube across her chest and Mulder would begin opening and shutting that little fan before running his tongue along her neck and tasting the salt of her sweat. He would then take her lips in a kiss more intoxicating than the drink she’d just consumed.

Back at the unremarkable house things seemed better for a while until the day she came home and Mulder was gone. He hadn’t called her or left a note. When she got up the next morning he was asleep on the couch. Scully decided not to wake him, got ready for work, she paused at the couch bent over and ran her finger-tips through Mulder’s hair. She finally leaned over to kiss his cheek before leaving for work.

As soon as the door latched Mulder’s eyes opened and he got up and headed for the shower. When Scully got home at Noon it looked like a cyclone had went through the house. File boxes everywhere, papers haphazardly refiled some strewn about. What was he looking for?  She slowly walked into the office, Mulder’s pc screen displaying the website adopted.com. She felt like she’d been punched as she sank into his chair and quickly looked at his browser history.

The states rules and regulations on adoption. Some websites about private adoption. The hours for the County Clerk’s office.

She finds him in the bedroom more File boxes littered the room. Mulder didn’t look at her, “Where is it, Scully?”

“Where’s what, Mulder? What are you looking for?” She needs him to say it - out loud would make it real.

“We don’t talk about him, Scully…why?” Mulder looks up at her, his eyes haunted.

“I, I … I just can’t Mulder. It’s too painful for me.” Scully feels the tears ready to fall.

“What about me, Scully? I had so little time…”

“Don’t do this Mulder… don’t do this to me… to us.”

Mulder stands and starts pacing, he stops in front of her. “I want my son, Scully. I want our son.” Scully’s mouth opens, but Mulder cuts her off. “I need his birth certificate to file a petition. A petition with the state to unseal the private adoption and I need to know who helped you facilitate it.”

“Mulder… it’s impossible.” Mulder finally grasps Scully by the upper arms and gives her just the tiniest of shakes. “Nothing is impossible, Scully - he should be with US - his father and his mother. I know you don’t believe in what I learned at Mount Weather… he should be with us at the end - or not. It’s not too late.”

Scully walks out of the room, a few minutes pass and she returns with the birth certificate. Wordlessly she hands it to Mulder. He looks down at it a smile gracing his face and he kisses her gently. “I’ll be back Scully with the paperwork we’ll need to fill out. The county clerk just needs proof, before anything else can proceed.”

Scully sinks to the bed, listening as Mulder’s steps echo down the stairs and across the living room. The front door opens and shuts… she is sobbing into her hands by the time she hears the car moving down the dirt driveway. She’d been so afraid of this day coming, she’d prayed it never would. Everything, everything they’d built together. Whatever peace she’d managed to achieve over her decision … it’s over now. She knows it deep in her soul.

She lays down and cries herself to sleep. She startles awake her nightmare fading and looks at the clock- 7pm. The window is open and she hears the frogs and insects starting their nightly symphony. Scully rubs her forehead, gets up and goes into the bathroom.

She finds Mulder at the kitchen table, the Birth Certificate in front of him and another form. She knows what it says. As she gets closer Mulder is holding a snapshot of William. She remembers Frohike down on the floor with the camera and William learning how to perform the baby version of a push up. It had been one of her favorite photos.

Mulder’s voice when he spoke was angry, accusatory, “Why didn’t you tell me, Scully?” The words are trapped in her throat. Mulder stands suddenly the chair tipping backward and crashing to the floor, Mulder has the paper in his hand and is waving it in front of her, she takes a step back and then another. Mulder advances on her until her back hits the wall, her palms end up resting on his chest. Usually her touch calms him, arouses him, but now it seems to inflame him.

“How could you, Scully?”

“It was the only way to be sure. The only way to make the adoption completely unbreakable, and untraceable.” She whispers her answer.

Mulder slams his hand against the wall beside her head. Anger fuels his voice and tears begin coursing down his face. “I DIDN’T abandon MY SON! GODDAMMIT, SCULLY!” Mulder slams the wall one more time, Scully cringes instinctively, before storming across the room throwing the paper back onto the kitchen table and picking up William’s picture his fingers tenderly tracing the image forever frozen in ink on paper. “You did this. You gave away our son…You gave away my son.”

Mulder collapses to the floor on his knees he looks up, Scully remembers doing the same thing after finding Mulder’s body and realizing her only hope for saving him was gone. “My son… William!… oh god… I want my son…” Scully can’t bear to listen to Mulder’s agony any longer. She walks slowly past him and the table with the document staring accusingly up at her.

Termination of Parental Rights - Granted Father - Fox William Mulder Allegation: Abandonment

Scully packs an overnight case, she should have told Mulder all the details regarding the adoption. How in order to make it airtight she had to have Mulder’s parental rights terminated legally.  Maybe she hoped to never have the conversation, maybe she harbored a little anger that Mulder wasn’t there to stop her. She hadn’t even been the one to break the news to him, like a coward she’d allowed Skinner to be the one to tell Mulder.

Will Mulder listen to her now?

Mulder is still huddled on the floor when Scully comes down the stairs. She kneels beside him and drapes her body over him, her cheek against his back and he shudders, but doesn’t protest her touch. Scully is transported to another time - another night when they were in this same position, Mulder battling induced demons of the mind while cancer was her own.

“Mulder? I need to explain. Will you let me?” Scully can feel him shaking his head no. “Okay, I’m not going to give up. I should have told you everything and I will. I just need you to give me a chance.”

“I just can’t… hear … not now, Scully.” Mulder mumbles his reply into the floor. Scully sits back on her heels, but keeps a physical connection by rubbing circles on Mulder’s back. “Okay… I think it might be for the best if I spend the night at my mom’s - Mulder… is that what you need?”

“I need William… my  son … “ Mulder breath hitches and the sobs begin anew, “Please, Scully I can’t … talk … look at you right now…”

Scully slowly stands and collects her suitcase along the way, fighting her own tears she opens the door. Her hand is still on the knob, she hates leaving him like this, Scully knows she has to try one more time. “Mulder…?” No response no acknowledgement. “Okay then…” Stepping across the threshold Scully pulls the door shut and places her palm flat on the wood “I love you, Mulder,” she whispers.

Mulder unfolds himself and rolls onto his side. The sounds of a car door shutting and tires on dirt float to him. One part of him wants to get up and run after her - stop her - this woman he’s been in love with for almost half his life.

The other part is crashing, feelings - past and present - experiences rising up all around him. He’s drowning in sadness. He’s drowning in the pain of unrealized dreams. He closes his eyes and he’s drowning in pain from all the torture at the hands of his enemies on the ship. Pain. Needles and blades. The whir of a drill, screaming until his voice was hoarse - seeing the saw blade lower until it splits his sternum - his own warm blood spraying into his mouth, nose and eyes.

Nooooo….. Nooooo…… Stop…… Scu-lly……

Mulder can no longer suppress those feelings, sounds and images assaulting him and they rise up - a tidal wave of emotions that pull him under into the darkness of his own eidetic memory….

The End….

Note: This idea came from a discussion with other fans about how long Mulder and Scully had been separated when we saw them in MS1 for the first time. What if it had been several years instead of months? I hate they were apart to start with and what exactly put them on that path something much more personal to both of them might have triggered it and this fic was born.

*Many many thanks to the awesome @cultureisdarkbeer who waded through my horrible grammar and tenses and making great suggestions . Any remaining errors found are all mine. P.S. I know she’s diligently working on the next chapters of Rooted in Friendship - I know I can’t wait!

[pinupghoul]

Weird personal post just for my own memory sake

So I broke my ankle for the second time in two years last Saturday during a roller derby clinic my team was hosting and I want to write out how it’s been so I could remember it in detail. Hurting yourself like this is something that people don’t really explain when you ask what it’s like. Maybe people forget which is why I want to write it all out.

When I broke I was going in for a hit. I was the pivot and wanted to get a girl I know is a hard hitter out of my jammers way. She hit me back (I’m convinced illegally since she was facing non derby direction) and somehow instead of just falling backwards I fell back but heard three snaps. I immediately knew I broke my ankle. I hit the ground and said “Carrie you just broke my ankle” no tears or anything. Refs and everyone took a knee and they splinted me up and I stood with someone’s crutches and was driven to the hospital. I wasn’t there very long and had x rays taken on my ankle and my knee. I had a break up on my fibula where I said it hurt the most and a break lower on the “knuckle” parts of my tib and fib. The doctor didn’t have to set anything so he put me in a splint and I went back to the clinic to score keep for the last game. The pain level was manageable to say the least. I didn’t take any pain meds the day of, the next day or the day after. I saw an ortho and he said I would need surgery to make sure my ankle is actually on right. They put a new splint on me and that was that. Still no medication. I had surgery on Thursday August 29th and right before that the pain was mostly in my upper calf, like a leg cramp kind of pain. I just wanted to stretch my leg and my toes out so badly. The worst part of course pre surgery is feeling the bones shift when you move around. 🤮 I was up most nights because of the pain and not being able to get comfortable but obviously I managed. The day of the surgery I went in around 10:30am and got my paperwork taken care of and was put into a room where I laid in a comfy hospital bed (my favorite) and the nurses sterilized me and set up my IV. I took my time in there to relax because I hadn’t been able to sleep much before this. Eventually I was wheeled into pre op and met my anesthesiologist. Real nice dude who walked me through my nerve block and everything. I’d never had one before and it was definitely interesting. They took an ultrasound machine to my leg and a needle as long as my forearm almost to get deep in my actual nerve. It didn’t hurt much except for one point it felt like someone torched my foot for half a second. It hurt bad but for only an instant. By then the drugs in my iv are kicking in and I’m feeling amazing. They take me into the operating room and there are tons of people in there. They were all so nice and happy and I got myself onto the table and they positioned my arms in a good spot and one of them put an oxygen mask on me and said “this is just oxygen” to which I replied “JUST oxygen?” And I breathed once, but it was hard to breathe deep, then I breathed in one more time normally... and then breathed in a third time deep........and then woke up in recovery. At this point I actually don’t really remember waking up in the recovery room. I don’t remember going from recovery to my last room. I do remember opening my eyes and someone asking if I can open both of my eyes lol when I got to the last room I remember being in, my friend Hanah came to get me and I had some jello which was the best jello I’d ever had and some water. I talked to her till I was coherent enough to get dressed and leave then we went and got some Thai food. I appreciate her so much. Because of my nerve block I actually couldn’t feel my leg for the rest of Thursday and all of Friday. So during this time I tried to do as much around the house and moving around as I could. However my leg was pins and needles-y kind of numb. Aaaanddd I was paralyzed. Literally. I couldn’t move my toes or foot AT ALL, which is terrifying. Finally by Friday night I could move my feet. The pain had begun because the pins and needles were getting worse and regular feeling was coming back.

Saturday Travis and I laid in bed and slept off and on until about 4pm. Sleep, wake up, have sex, fall asleep. Rinse lather repeat. Finally we actually got up and sort of cleaned the house a teeny bit then went to his friends house. Actually his fried Aaron’s parents lake house. We got there around 8pm and just sat out on the patio looking out on the lake. Real talk, it was so fucking nice. Throughout this time I’m regularly taking my medication because of the soreness I feel in my leg. It’s sore and I can sometimes feel the actual pain of the incisions. It hurts bad enough that I’m looking forward till the next time I can take sometime about two hours before I can take it again. The feeling of my leg being on fucking FIRE when I stand up started sooner and wasn’t as bad as the first time I broke my ankle. Thank god. A lot of it is just trying to get comfortable and not put too much pressure on any one sensitive spot.

Yesterday (Sunday) we went back to Aaron’s house around 1 or so and had food. I was pretty fucked up on medication but not totally out of it, just really really tired. We sat outside on the porch again and eventually went out on their pontoon boat and went around the lake for about an hour and a half. I’m so happy and thankful that Aaron and his family were incredibly helpful with me only having one leg to get on and off a boat with. It’s sort of embarrassing needing grown men to lift you in order to do anything. Also, I guess I should note that this time around I have been using almost exclusively a knee scooter. I think it’s been helping me in a lot of ways. Bending my leg more, wanting to be more mobile, etc. yesterday is also when I started supplementing my medication with cbd oil. It’s a 500mg tincture and honestly I don’t think it’s doing a damn thing for me. The pain is still very rough to get through without my regular Norcos.

Now today, Monday, Labor Day. Travis is off so we’ve been sleeping sexing sleeping again and slept off and on until around 1pm today. I have also discovered that my vibrator is like a little tens unit and makes the pain in my leg almost nonexistent when I use it! I’ve been taking collagen supplements and comfrey as well. Once again all I want to eat are burgers!! Big juicy cheeseburgers. And everything I’ve eaten has been the most delicious thing I’ve eaten which makes it even better. Food hasn’t hit this hard in ages.

Today the pain is more of a moderate to almost severe “discomfort”. If I said pain, I’d say mild to moderate. Manageable with one pill only. The swelling in my leg has gone down immensely. I can tell in how my splint is fitting me. I’m excited to see how I feel tomorrow for sure. Tomorrow I’d really like to go to the gym with Travis and do some upper body stuff or abs or whatever I can really. I just want to stay active and in shape where I can.

[jengis-morrangis]

With Age Comes Wisdom

Howdy all! This is the first fic I’ve posted so I decided to kick it off with something light and fluffy. This story in particular isn’t really cesty but eyy there’s more stories to come. I’ve got a few other ideas I’ve been working on for a while that I’ll hopefully be posting soon. I got my wisdom teeth removed a while back and decided to write a little story related to it. Enjoy the fic!

“Alright sweetie, I trust you with this, but make sure your brother doesn’t mess with the stitches in his mouth or do anything that might hurt himself. And be sure to change out his gauze regularly and that he gets plenty of rest.” Ms. Pines said worriedly over the phone.

“Don’t worry, mom. You can count on me to watch after Sir Dippington. But can I have tell him to do the lamby-lamby dance while he’s on the anesthetic? Just once?”

“Mabel!”

“Just joking.” She said assuringly. “I’ll be sure to keep an eye on him.”

“Alright. And Mabel, be careful around him when he’s on the anesthetic. He might stumble or fall if he loses balance, and since he’s bigger than you he’ll be hard to adjust. Just make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.”

“He’ll be fine, mom. I promise.”

Mabel heard her mother sigh over the phone. “Okay. I love you, sweetie.”

“I love you too, mom.” Mabel hung up the phone and put it in her pocket. She looked around the neat waiting room to find a pile magazines messily stacked on one another. She picked one up at random and started to read. Since it would take Dipper several days to recover, it was agreed that he would get his wisdom teeth removed at the start of spring break to assure he wouldn’t miss any school.

She was flipping between articles when a nurse walked out and told her they were done with the surgery. She put the magazine down and followed the nurse back into the room to find Dipper woozily looking around the room. He closed his eyes and passed out, causing the doctor to tap him on the arm to wake him up, only for him to fall back asleep. Mabel walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked up at her. He opened his eyes wide, and gave her a smile of bloody teeth and swollen cheeks. “Hey dea Maubel.” He tried to say.

“Hey there, Dip Dop.” She giggled.

Mabel sat down in a chair next to him as he continued to wake up. “Goss Maubel, you look show preddy.” He said with an awestruck look.

Mabel felt herself blush slightly from the look on Dipper’s face. It was clear that he really meant it from how amazed he was. She knew from what she’s been told that the anesthetic they administer makes people more talkative. He began playing with her hair as she sat next to him, twirling her chestnut locks around his index finger and pinching it between his thumb as the doctor briefed her on what they had to do to ensure he would heal properly and what precautions to take. She had to force herself to focus on what the doctor was saying with Dipper twirling her hair. Once he was finished with his directions, the doctor gave her extra rolls of gauze and medication, as well as Dipper’s wisdom teeth in a sealed container. She thought they would make a great addition to a friendship bracelet for Dipper, but realized that he likely wouldn’t appreciate it.

She helped Dipper to his feet and thanked the medical professionals as they departed from the office. She guided him all the way to the car and buckled him into the passenger seat.

The drive home gave Dipper plenty of time to yammer on about nothing in particular. Mabel thought it was adorable when he complimented her about how cute she was or how much he loved her sweater. There was a lot that she couldn’t understand through his mouth full of gauze, but she nodded and agreed with whatever he said to humor him. Partway through the drive, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called a friend from school to apologized for something minor he said when they were eleven that his friend didn’t remember, before Dipper told him he was busy and that he had to go. He must have forgotten that he was the one who called and not the other way around. She made sure to record him in case he wanted to see it later, or for blackmail material. Maybe both.

Upon their arrival home, Mabel turned off the car and came around the other side to help Dipper out. He stumbled at first, but she managed to help him and the way up the steps and into his room, where he promptly took off his shoes and flopped down on his bed. Mabel wrestled his legs onto the bed and wrapped his comforter around him. She lowered the blinds over the windows before giving him a kiss on the forehead as she tucked him in. She left his room and made herself some eggs and sriracha for breakfast, since it was only around 9AM and they left before eating. She made sure to feed Waddles and Mittens, and give them some attention before starting on her chores. In not too long, she cleaned the dishes and started a load of laundry, along with several other tasks before she decided to take a short nap.

She dreamed that she was in an old-timey cartoon, whistling as she steered a steamboat down a river. A growing vibration in the world slowly tore her boat apart, but she was at peace with it as she started to float with the shreds that remained. Someone must have turned off the gravity.

She awoke from a consistent subtle thumping downstairs, and could tell from the vibrations in the walls that it was the cleaning cycle ending on the washing machine. She stretched out her limbs and tiredly stood up to investigate the source of the ruckus. Walking down the hallway, she could see Dipper’s door was open and he was gone from his previous place on his bed.

She descended the steps in search of her brother. The kitchen and living room were empty. She assumed he must have been in the bathroom upstairs, as she realized the door was closed. She decided to move the load of laundry into the dryer. As she approached the laundry room, she heard a faint whimpering that grew louder as she approached. When she opened the door, she was met with the sight of her brother, collapsed on the laundry room floor on his knees, sobbing as he shifted through the sopping wet laundry from the machine.

“Maubel! Maubel, whea ah you?” He cried through his gauze. Mabel felt her heart swell. Even in his current state he is still trying to be the protective brother and make sure she was safe.

She walked over to him and he notice her legs out the corner of his eyes. “Hep me loog for Maubell! Pleath!” He sobbed, not looking up to see who the legs belonged to. Mabel bent her knees, coming down to his level and turned his face to look him in the eyes. He paused for a moment, and his sobs became quiet. After a moment of processing the situation, he wrapped her in an exhausted hug and his sobs became louder, but not as loud as before. He leaned his weight on her, bringing her to the floor and cried on her shoulder. “Oh my god, Maubel! I taught I would nevah she you again! Am tho glad yuh okay!” He cried with relief. Mabel felt her mouth curl up into a wide smile. For some reason she thought it was really sweet of him to look for her and make sure she was safe, despite the mess.

After several minutes of letting him cry, Mabel carefully led him back upstairs and helped him change into a dry and clean pair of pajamas. She tucked him in again and waited until he was asleep to go back downstairs and clean up the mess of water pooling in the laundry room and loading the wet clothes into the dryer. She was surprised by how exhausted she was as she changed into a dry pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, since she was wearing her pajamas when Dipper gave her that sopping wet hug.

She went back into Dipper’s room to be sure he was asleep. She knelt down by the side of his bed, kissed him on the forehead and he hummed in response. She stood up to walk out and sleep when she felt Dipper tug on her hand. She looked down to see him shaking his head with his eyes still shut. “Pleath done go, Maubel.” He moaned. Mabel giggled in response. He was so sweet like this. He was always so protective of her, wanting to make sure no harm came to her, and here he just wanted to be close to her and make sure she was okay.

“It’s alright, Dip. I’m not going anywhere.” She assured as she slipped under the comforter, facing him and wiggled under his arms, which he wrapped protectively around her. She giggled as he planted a puffy-cheek kiss on her cheek and pulled her closer.

“I lub you, Maubel.” Dipper said tiredly before drifting off into sleep.

“I love you too, you big dork.” Replied Mabel as she wrapped her arms around his larger frame and snuggled her head into the crook of his neck, feeling his chin on her forehead. She knew soon they’d have to wake up, change his gauze and give him the antibiotics, but for now she could just enjoy cuddling time and think about how excited she was for when she had to get her wisdom teeth removed, and he would have to look after her.

[daarntootin]

I’m gonna talk about A Lot of Stuff

And it isn’t going to be.......pleasant? But I’ve got it all bottled up and I need to get it out and I forgot how to make a readmore cut on tumblr mobile so I will tag it as best I can. It’s largely gonna be medical so if that bothers you feel free to skip. Feel free to skip in general this really is just for me.

So. January. Literally the first of January one of my little brother’s (the older of the two) developed a panic disorder around death. Specifically dying in his sleep. He can’t be left alone. He’s panicking damn near non-stop. We take him to the hospital several times but because he’s not a threat to himself or others they won’t take him past giving him an Ativan in the ER. At one point I missed work because he was having such a bad panic attack he completely disassociated and didn’t think anything or anyone was real, I had to physically lie on top of him and hold him down because he was trying to run and we didn’t know where to. He screamed like he was being burned alive. I can still hear it.

Around April we seemed to get it under some semblance of control (boy howdy when meds help do they ever help).

Also in April I started a new full time job. This is both the first full time and first office job I have ever had.

And then it’s May. My dad isn’t...doing well. He’s legitimately old so that’s disconcerting. And then he sits us down one night and tells us we was told in February his cardiologist told him the heart valve he had replaced like 12 years ago needed to be replaced again. Which is a thing we knew would need to happen but they last for 15ish years so we weren’t overly worried, and his cardiologist told him he had till towards the end of the year before it would be a problem. Turns out he did not have towards the end of the year. He had two months from that appointment before the valve all but totally failed. He had to go to the ER, his legs were so swollen and his heart was struggling so much to circulate his blood that his calves were leaking lymph fluid.

In the ER his heart rate was under 40 beats per minute, his whole body shuddered when he exhaled. He was pale. He wasn’t my Dad.

They transported him to the Cleveland Clinic. They did a catheter to check out his heart. No one helped him after when he tried to stand to go to the bathroom, he was dehydrated, his blood sugar was low, he’d just had a camera shoved inside his veins. He passed out, fell, and he was caught on the very last minute. But not before he fell and caught his full weight on a previously injured knee. He was immediately unable to bare weight. The knee was never properly checked.

He had surgery. It was supposed to be 3-4 hours long. While it’s heart surgery, heart surgery in the Clinic is pretty routine, simple. We weren’t worried.

His surgery took 8 hours. They replaced one valve entirely, and repaired two others and all but the entire right side of his heart was worked on. We later found out during surgery he had a small stroke impacting his right hand’s mobility. They kept him under overnight as he tends to react violently upon waking with a ventilator in his mouth. Which. Fair.

He ended up being in the ICU for just over two months. During which time he aspirated due to a feeding tube moving from his intenstines into his stomach. He almost died.

They then kept him on a vantilator for a full week, his lungs were so irritated from the aspiration and it turns out an upper respiratory infection.

All during this I was working 40 hour weeks at home alone. By myself. My mother and my brothers were in Cleveland. I got a call from my youngest brother when my dad aspirated. I answered the phone and he was sobbing.

I finally got to see him in June. He was out of the ICU and in step down. He was delirious. Said a building was a sail boat off the coast of Mexico. He barely recognized me. He had to be watched because at one point after the aspiration he’d had a tracheostomy and ripped out the valve in his sleep. Despite having someone “watch” him at all hours of the day, he pissed himself several times and the babysitter didn’t notice. Several of these people would use the clinic computer to shop.

Eventually he came back home. But to a rehab center for his knee and hand. He couldn’t even hold a phone in his right hand and still couldn’t walk. He then moved to another rehab center that started him in intensive physical therapy.

One night while we were there my mom was rubbing my Dad’s neck. She felt a lump on the side of his neck, I chalked it up to a blocked up lymph node. His doctor didn’t know what it was but wasn’t concerned by it.

He came home home after that. He uses a walker and a wheelchair still. He has to use a chair to shower. He’s almost the man I remember. Which I know isn’t fair to him, but I can’t help but feel that way.

One night he layed down flat in bed. My mom noticed a lump on his chest. Surgical hernia. We apparently aren’t worried about that. The lump on his neck though. It kept getting bigger.

Two weeks ago we found out it’s cancer. That weekend we found out it was stage 4. Then that Wednesday we found out that the scoring they use for head and neck cancer changed in January and it’s actually stage one? I don’t know. The biopsy tested positive for two kinds of cancer. I don’t understand it.

And now it’s almost October. I have some kind of head cold. It’s fashion week in my office starting Monday?

I don’t know. I don’t understand anything.

I’m scared.

But so is my dad. My mom. My one brother can’t sleep alone and the other is having problems. So I’m the rock. I’m the one this whole family is tethered to.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just under 2 years now. I love him more than everything. We’re trying to look for an apartment but with everything that’s happening I can’t even really think about it.

I’m drowning. Every time I come up for air I get sucked back in. And it’s not like I don’t have a support system. I have amazing friends and Glen is amazing. But I just. I’m just drowning.

[freetobefit4life-blog]

Blog 4: A journey up the mountain called healthy living: Meet the blogger

Hi everyone! Over the past few weeks we’ve touched on a few topics in the health industry. Due to the limited amount of time this blog has been open, I’ve tried to cast a wide net over a few topics in the field of healthy living and hit the big parts of a journey up the mountain called healthy living. In case you missed my last few posts, here is a quick recap on what we all covered. Week one is about taking the first step up a mountain called healthy living and showing acknowledgement in the process. Week two touches on a booming fitness industry trend/lifestyle, CrossFit. My third post leaves a few golden nuggets of advice for getting started in the right direction with a some tips and tricks on living healthy. Finally, this last blog post is taking a “meet the author” stance as I tell you about my personal journey towards healthy living. These past few weeks have been more focused on being educational and broad, so now it’s time to hopefully be inspirational by showing it’s always possible to make a change.

The start of a bad lifestyle:

Growing up, I was always one of the larger kids at school. We played kickball, tag, basketball, baseball, etc. all at recess and then back to class. When I would go home, the first thing I’d do is turn on the TV and sit there. Hours would pass and then I would either be playing video games or watching TV until it was time for me to go to bed. I was always into video games growing up and looking back, it distracted me from a lot of other things out there in the world to enjoy. My daily lunches were packed as sandwiches and chips with my Pokémon cards in my pocket.  I was just a little kid with no idea of what I was putting into my body and the habits I was creating. I played sports like volleyball and basketball, but always seemed to be less athletic than the rest of my classmates. Then to top of things, I had come to find out I had athletic asthma, not exactly a prime condition when you want to be running around with your friends playing sports.

High School: The start of a change.

As high school came, I had finally grown out of my athletic asthma. This may seem like a great thing, and it was! However, my years of sedentary lifestyle had caught up to me. The summer before freshman year I had decided to do the summer gym session as well as the strength and conditioning class I needed for my high school requirements. For the next eight weeks I was in gym class for a three-hour time frame five times a week and three days a week I was going through strength and conditioning. I can’t explain the exhaustion I felt being so out of shape. I would get done late morning around ten-thirty and go home only to fall asleep from the exercise I had just completed.

Entering my fall semester of freshman year, I was about 5’8” and 220lbs. Now as I’m sure you can picture, I was not exactly what you would call in shape. I was determined to make a change as it came to be that most of my friends in high school played sports and/or were athletic. I started working out with one of my friends and through growing up and getting taller as well I began to thin out. Many of my friends played football, so a lot of our workouts were strength based and had a little bit of cardio as a warm up. I also began cutting out certain things from my meals like chips and soda.

Swimming away:

Fast forwarding to my junior year, I was still overweight and contained small amounts of muscle mass. I remember sitting in the library one day for a class with one of my friends and discussing it. I told him I was looking to go on a stricter diet and do a sport like wrestling. My dad was a wrestler growing up and always talks about how good of shape he was in and the cuts to lose weight for tournaments. He looked at me like I was the dumbest person that he had ever seen. I still remember when he turned to me and said “don’t be a wrestler, join the swim team. You get to eat as much as you want, get in shape, and lose a ton of weight.” It was like I had just got struck by lightning. The next week, I signed up for the swim team and started down the road to one of the most monumental moments of my life.

For those of you that did swim team in high school, you know that season runs through the winter months of November, December, and January. Throughout these three months we swam roughly 3-3.5 miles a day and had drylands three times a week. Drylands are core and bodyweight movements designed to make you a stronger swimmer. The only off day we had was on the day of a meet (competition). In addition to the daily 3-mile swim and three days of drylands, I was also still lifting weights with one of my friends who happened to be a captain of the swim team. Now this may seem like a ton of volume, but I was determined to make a change and when it came time to go practice I felt energized. At first, I started falling asleep in my classes, but by adding more food into my diet I was able to scrounge up enough energy to make it through the day.

Finalizing my first and only season as a swimmer, I swam over 200 miles in three months. Starting out the season I weighed about 195lbs. at 6’4”. Ending the swim season in January, I was 153lbs. I had lost near everything my early age sedentary life had packed on and was now in a different boat. I needed to gain some muscle mass! This realization began the start into another monumental moment in my life: CrossFit.

CrossFit and my future:

The spring after my junior year I was looking for a way to stay in the shape I had gotten to from swimming and stumbled upon CrossFit online. At first my parents were extremely cautious as they had the normal worries of it being too dangerous for me to try, but eventually they came around. Unfortunately, a week into my start, so did my prior injury. I had always had knee pain, but just assumed it was from tight muscles, not a torn meniscus. I had to undergo surgery and physical therapy, enduring a long four months of laying around doing nothing right after I had gotten in shape! I spent my days watching CrossFit videos and eating healthy food, anything I could to prepare myself for the day that I could finally go back to start again.

I began my CrossFit journey and gained back much of the weight I previously held in the form of muscle. Over the past four years I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of four CrossFit communities, compete in several CrossFit competitions, and go on multiple trips with the friends I’ve made through the gym. I traveled to Colorado, Utah, Missouri, and a few other places all with CrossFit at the source. It has become a staple in my life as a means of healthy living through nutrition, exercise, friends, and travel. It is also how I came to realize I wanted to pursue a doctorate in Physical Therapy after finishing my undergraduate degree.

Still climbing:

My journey to healthy living started with high school, and really kicked into gear with swim team my junior year. I remember the day I woke up and decided to make a change. Obviously given my age it was a little more drastic than most people’s goals or changes will be, and that’s ok! I started with just cutting out small things like chips and soda, and for a lot of people that’s a health change that makes a big difference! Like I said in the previous blogs: the steps don’t have to be leaps, they can be baby steps. So long as they keep you moving forward. The big changes of my journey have occurred over the past five YEARS.  Notice years is capitalized. I talked in the first blog I ever wrote about how healthy living is a journey up a mountain. Journeys are long processes. Don’t expect things to happen overnight, you can make great progress in just 12 weeks by staying disciplined and remembering that what you’re chasing is a worthy fight! Enjoy the journey, make some friends, and start your climb up a mountain called healthy living! I promise it will be worth the effort.