#and this time it's absolutely my own fault

[steviewashere]

CW: Infertility (Coming from my own experience just...with a uterus.)

Thinking right now about Steve who wants his own family really bad, but finds out he's 100% infertile.

He only finds out after a failed marriage. His first marriage. Has a beautiful, wonderful, just absolutely incredible wife who accepts everything about his past—stuff he won't talk about and otherwise. Yet, the one thing they knew for certain was a definite in their relationship was children. However, for some reason (that I don't have), his wife rejects the idea of adopting children. So they try. They try and try and try.

Eventually, they get their eggs and sperm analyzed. Her eggs are healthy, her uterus is fine, no complications associated with her ovaries.

Steve, in his next visit, finds out he's infertile. It's not genetically caused. His parents were very fertile, just decided to have only one child. And—maybe due to some Upside Down bullshit; bat bites being untreated, injuries being too traumatic—his sperm production and his sperm vitality are completely destroyed.

He's devastated, of course he is. Brings it up to his wife. They agree to go their separate ways because this was something they both wanted, but now can't have.

And then he just floats about for a while. Quiet and disheartened.

He goes back to Hawkins and bumps into Eddie. Now, I'm thinking, personally, that this isn't some romance story. They're strictly platonic in this scenario (for now).

They get to talking and somewhere in the conversation, Steve's infertility comes up. Eddie tries to gently explain to him that there's other options to have children. "Foster care," he says, "it's where I was for a while. You can adopt from an orphanage, from a hospital. There's always the option for surrogacy, y'know. A lot of different"—

"Eds," Steve interrupts, "I appreciate this, but I...I don't want to talk about it anymore. It hurts too much to think about."

"Sorry," Eddie apologizes.

Steve just shakes his head, resigned. "It's not your fault," he murmurs, "guess I'm just upset that my body doesn't work the way it's supposed to."

"Not everybody's works the way it's supposed to, Steve."

"Yeah," he whispers, "but I was sorta hoping my own would."

There's a lull in the conversation. A long while of just silence and a cigarette being passed and the gentle rustle of trees around them. Outside, in the Forest Hills trailer park, staring down a set of rusted swings.

"How do you think I should handle this, Eddie?"

"Hm?"

"This...this body issue. What am I supposed to do about it? I'm, like...like grieving over nothing."

"You grieve, Steve," Eddie answer simply, "you get angry and you cry. That's all you can really do."

"I don't want to be angry, though. I want...I want to be happy. I want my dream to come true! I want"—he sighs and swallows and looks on ahead of him. To a place he once visited constantly when he still lived full-time in Hawkins, not just passing through. Out on a town that he once called home, a place where he couldn't be the person he wanted to be. Couldn't get what he needed.—"I want to love my kid in a way I never got."

And Eddie looks to him. To his profile. Shuffles closer, cigarette out on the porch. Arm wrapping over Steve's shoulders, tugging him in. "I know," Eddie whispers, "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm really, really sorry."

"It's not your fault, Eds."

"It's not yours either."

He keeps staring out. To a place that was hopeful. Where his dreams bared new. When things seemed reasonable and he could face everything head-on and knew exactly what he wanted for himself. A future of laughter and soft lullabies and hugs warm enough to soothe the world.

There'll be other chances. But not now. Not when he's like this.

"I know," he merely mutters, "I know."

[27daisuki]

Hello again! I recently added subs to the dmmd stage plays (except Ren's! i do not take credit for that). Originally i only had 4 routes, but I received Mink's and ViTri's routes and just finished subbing! (thank you @minkiemoo for sending them to me!!)

They're all updated on the same Google drive that i posted before but I'll repost it here

I hope you all enjoy!! please let me know if I missed anything or if it's not working (I didn't finish subbing the post credit conversations but i wanted to get the rest of the play out there first)

translators notes and general thoughts below if u care

Woo!!!! I'm so happy i got to watch all the routes and I'm very happy to make it easier to consume for English speakers! the game blew up in 2014 on tumblr from a fan translation iirc? so I think it's only fair that I do my part now that I'm at a level of fluency where I can do that too! my goal since i was a kid to be able to watch/play things in jp without subs or translation, and i think i only recently realized i can do that now lol

it has been a very long time since I started learning jpn (i believe in total it has been 18 years on and off 💀 god) and i just wasn't confident in my skills but when i was watching Ren's route (it was the only one available overseas without vpn shit and had subs) and no shade to whoever had to sub Ren's route but i noticed some subs were just straight up wrong? (there's a part where aoba is looking at a screen at toue's speech and it was just all wrong) so i think that coupled with having friends that also like dmmd and wanted to watch the other routes inspired me to do my own damn subs lmao 😂

I'm absolutely not saying my subs are perfect, I'm sure there are spots that aren't 100% accurate (mostly because i can't 100% hear exactly what syllables they're saying sometimes because they talk so fast or just the audio quality or mumbling lol noiz I'm looking at you), but if i was unsure at any point I'd cross check the game lol if anyone notices any point where my subs are inaccurate, please let me know! i take no offense and honestly would love to be corrected so i can know for the future

also lastly, i did wanna touch on my strategy for subbing! jpn and English don't translate very well to each other all the time so there are some things that are said in jp that if i wrote literally in English would feel awkward or be hard to understand, so for some dialogue i tried to convey what they were saying with phrases that would make more sense to an English reader. So if you hear some sentences/words and you're like, wait that's not 100% exactly what they said, there's a good chance I know and i made the choice to translate it differently. it can be really hard to know when to leave something literally translated and when to localize it, or how far you should change the wording even if you keep the important information in a sentence, and which words i can leave out because of how fast they talk😭

jpn is also a very context heavy language, which means they leave out words in a sentence because it's implied that they're still in the sentence but you're supposed to fill them in. so there are many times where it sounds like in jp, they say 2 words, but it could really actually be like 6 because they're assuming you filled in the other 4 words. English you can only really get away with so much not said, and it can feel a bit weird when u read 6 words on the screen but hear the actors say 2 words lmao but just trust me on this, i promise I'm not adding words outta no where😂

one example: when Mizuki is holding a knife to Tae, he says 後悔すんなよ which literally means "don't regret this", but with the full context he's saying something close to "don't regret this because it's gonna be your fault your grandma dies" which obviously is a lot more than what he said and I can't write all that on the screen for 2 seconds. The best equivalent to this (imo) was too write "You'll regret this", because even though it's not what he said in jp, it still gets the point across to english speakers and eng speakers can fill in the blank that he'll regret this because he didn't take Mizuki's threats seriously. It's less words and it's easier to digest in the few seconds that you have to read the sub

anyway i just want it to be known that i put a lot of care into these subs and thought very hard about how I translated each sentence, so i hope that you can trust my work!

Thank you again for all the kind words! I hope you enjoy the plays!!

[iloveelvisss]

"Oh, don't stop on our account."

Prompt writing!! I found a prompt list on Pinterest, and I wanted to try one of them. Lmk if you like it and want more prompts, oh and give me prompts if you want!! Xoxo, your author <3

Arguing. That's what you and Elvis were doing, and the best part? You had both forgotten that you had company, and said company just so happened to be the author doing a book on your marriage.

"I oughtta wring yer neck, woman! Stop accusin' me of shit that ain't true! It ain't an affair if ya knew the whole time!"

"Oh?! Is that right?! Ya think that I was just happy as can be that my husband was fuckin' his backup singer?! I only knew 'cause she thought I wanted to leave ya!" You were far beyond shouting, so it was more properly full on fighting— not just arguing.

The author looked back and forth between the couple in front of her, eagerly listening to everything that spouted from your mouths. The King and his sweet lil' Queen weren't as perfect as the press made it seem.

All she had asked was what your thoughts were on all the traveling Elvis had to do for his career, and she unknowingly sparked a dorment flame within you. Memories of the phone call that you accidentally answered that day— Kathy Westmoreland's innocent voice telling you thank you for letting her experience Elvis' love too. Poor woman had no clue you were in the dark— she was in the dark too. And when you confronted the man himself, he said he forgot to mention he was seeing someone like every other time.

"Baby, I didn't plan on keepin' it from ya like that! And it ain't my fault she made her own assumptions! I never told her we weren't happy, she just thought we weren't!" Elvis tries, and fails, to grab your flailing hand. You yank it away and smack his hand away from you.

You run your hand through your hair, messing it up. "The fact that ya let her assume that is just as bad! I would've let ya pursue her if ya had just asked! I would've happily told her how I felt if ya had just let me know ya had another gal! I ain't one to judge ya for yer adventures, Elvis, ya know that! But being lied to hurt me!"

"And I said I was sorry, Satnin! That should be the end of it!"

Your eyes snap up to his immediately, the anger absolutely radiating off of you in waves that could rival the ocean. "End of it, huh?! I couldn't'a said it better! I'll serve ya the papers as soon as I can!"

You turn and get three steps to the arched threshold of the living room before you're yanked back. Your face flies into his chest before he grabs it and holds you steady.

"Now you listen here, woman, and listen good. I. Am. Sorry. But, so help me, if ya ever threaten me like that again, ya won't walk for weeks. I'll tan yer hide somethin' nasty, y'hear?" He lowers his head so that he's eye level with you, and his voice evens out to an almost scary calm.

And then it seems to hit both of you, your heads slowly turning to the one-woman audience. The look on her face makes you think all she needs is a coke and a popcorn, and she'd be all set.

You go to apologize or say literally anything to save you and your husband from the hole you've so obviously dug for yourselves, but she raises a hand and stops you. Her response shocks you, "Oh, please, don't stop on my account."

And the smirk that accompanies her statement is simultaneously friendly and wicked.

You can't help but feel as though the book that is due to come out in a year will have a chapter documenting this... interesting insight into the lives of the world's power couple. It makes you wince in premeditated embarrassment. And yet Elvis just laughs— a hearty laugh, and it only enables you, and soon all three of you are giggling like children.

I know it’s super short, sorry! But I liked it, and wanted to get it out before I started hating it. Please either comment or leave requests in my inbox if you want!! I’d like to do more prompts or even just requests for regular fics. Love all of you, my lovies!!

[mercy-misrule]

mouthwashing spoilers, discussion of fictional sexual assault, fictional abuse of a disabled person, references to real life injury

This is a weird rambling thing, informed by my own experiences. I am a sexual assault survivor, but I am also a survivor of life threatening accident that left me entirely physically dependent on medical staff with a long recovery time. I am aware that this is not a pov a lot of people have, and it means I'm thinking about things a little differently.

If you haven't experienced the healing process from a life threatening injury, its hard to explain. But here are some thoughts.

So one of the things that I think is interesting about the fandom reaction to Curly is an odd thing I've seen. A fanwork thing where people write Curly as a victim of sexual assault by Jimmy where the result is that Curly is a more sympathetic victim, a 'real victim'.

This isn't all fiction exploring this, and this isn't stated in their texts, nevertheless, it's impossible to read otherwise.

And I get it, I get why people are exploring that as an option, as a concept. Maybe its revenge, maybe its more relatable, maybe it's simply because that's a fictional concept that they want to write. And that's a creator's prerogative. This isn't me criticising what people want to explore.

What bewilders me is that it makes me feel like people missed the hugely sexual implications of Jimmy's assault and continued violation of Curly's bodily autonomy. It's like, folks are you reading this right?

So Mouthwashing has textual sexual assault, it's right there, Anya is the victim of Jimmy's violence. He attempts to take away her life by crashing the ship, he attempts to remove any choice she has in what happens to her body after she reveals she is pregnant.

He does not care about her, it is pointed what a non-person she is in his eyes. He only cares about his reputation, his control over the situation, what people say about him. His job, his prospects, all of which are dependent on Curly.

And Mouthwashing has textual violation of a disabled person's bodily autonomy. Jimmy hurts Curly when forcing him to take his meds, beating him at one point, where in the end Curly is weeping.

A man who wants nothing but control, couldn't control Anya or Swansea or Daisuke despite his best(worst) efforts, but he has absolute control over everything with Curly. Curly is moved without his consent, touched without his consent, treated like an object, like food, tortured, and finally 'saved'...without his consent.

Without a voice other than cries of pain, or hissing laughter, Jimmy has the control he needs.

And look how his attitude changes towards Curly the more control he has over his body. When Anya is still around, he's swearing at him, beating him into needless submission. As the game progresses, Jimmy starts to hold Curly up as this object of salvation, as this vessel through which all of Jimmy's faults and guilt are washed away.

This focus, this obsession, the alternating between berating and violence and idolisation is subtextual in its sexuality. But it's there. Even when you move past the obvious mirror of violence of Jimmy standing over a helpless Curly in bed, hurting him, putting his hands on him.

We already know that Jimmy assaulted Anya while in her bed, she tells Curly this implicitly when she asks about the lack of locks on bedrooms.

What I find interesting about this all is that we do not see the violence Jimmy inflicted on Anya. We see the aftermath, we hear his words, and we see her reactions, but we do not see the act.

And its a very good and frank piece of storytelling, about the mundane horror of day-to-day life living with your abuser. We don't need to see the instigating act, the central piece of violence, because we are seeing everything else.

Whereas, this game is all about witnessing exactly the violence Jimmy inflicts on Curly, and contrasting it with the absolute indifference he has for Anya, his other victim. He fixates on Curly, he's got nothing in his head but Curly, and any other thought that tries to creep in, we watch turn into nightmares that he's desperate to run away from.

It's almost like watching Curly be brutalised is a stand in for the brutality that Anya experiences. Not as a revenge or anything, but as a story beat reminding you that this is happening, has happened, will happen again. Jimmy will always be hurting someone.

But what I think is fascinating is that there is this (I am not talking about shipping. This is not meta about shipping) almost romantic displacement of affection from Jimmy to Curly, shocking in its intensity to the same level of his disdain and apathy towards Anya.

It's a mirror of how Jimmy feels about himself. He views Anya as a failure, not competent, and that's how he is in reality. He puts all his failings on her, he lashes out at her, blames her for Curly's suffering, for his potential punishment.

He praises and berates Curly because he wants to be what Curly was. A respected captain, a person that people are happy to be around. But he berates Curly because Curly isn't what he views as his ideal self. Curly doesn't throw his weight around like Jimmy wants to, Curly is passive and a people pleaser. Jimmy doesn't respect him, even as he wants to be him. He doesn't respect Curly because of the the way Curly gives into him, supports him.

There are so many moments of desperate horror in this story but I keep being drawn back into the unending nightmare of Curly being dependant on people disintegrating around him

Anya withholds treatment, not maliciously, but she does, because it's too triggering for her. And then Jimmy steps in and it's always bad, even when he's not trying to make it so.

Curly lays there and sees the ramifications of his inaction, his cowardice and then is revictimised over and over, humiliated over and over.

The best chance of care he's got is a woman he fundamentally failed, harmed in unbelievable ways and is now being terrorised by the man who hurts them both and she keeps asking Jimmy to hurt him.

And he has to sit there as she does, as she eats the only things that are making his existence survivable, and he's responsible for it! He gets to watch the consequences of his inaction, he gets to lay there and watch a woman die and he doesn't get to do anything else except exist until Jimmy appears again , which is worst of all.

You don't get to pick your carers, at some point. Sometimes it's people you feel a burden too, or people you've hurt, in a hundred different ways. And sometimes it's people who've hurt you and still tell you how much you mean to them, how important you are to them, how much they love you. And they don't stop hurting you or other people and you. Cannot. Stop. Them.

[bustybounty]

Because you helped a elderly witch cross the street, she has given you the blessing of perfectly fitting genitals compared to your girlfriend and increased stamina to go as long as you need to satisfy her. That same witch however had placed a curse on your girlfriend on a different occasion after she insulted the witch. This curse makes it so that everytime she cums, she would grow just a little bit so she would always need a bigger rod to satisfy her. She also made it so the time she can go without sex becomes shorter and shorter. Up until now you havrn't had any issues with this, but it is starting to become cumbersome for the both of you.

Her behavior was noticeably different than before, rubbing my inner thigh a lot, whispering in my ear, doing things she'd only do when she was extremely horny...except that was really becoming the norm.

At times it was obvious that she was wet due to the coloration of her pants around the crotch area.

Of course, not wanting to always leave her seeking pleasure and not getting any, I made sure to get things rolling for both of us, and thanks to my blessing, things couldn't be easier.

Whether it took minutes or hours, I'd always be able to fuck her and stretch her out just a bit to give her the most bliss possible! However, something that was uncommon but started becoming regular was her asking for second rounds, third rounds...her arousal was really getting the better of her.

Though I couldn't say I wasn't at fault either, after all, due to how she was affected by her curse, she was growing larger, taller, a wider, deeper hole, wider hips, all perfect for taking bigger and bigger cocks. Which resulted in me having to satisfy her further with the swelling I was gifted with. While the blessing was, at first, only positive, with how much she was growing, becoming a full on minigiantess, it started also becoming cumbersome on its own, having to carry a massive bulge in ill fitting custom clothes just to go out in public to do absolutely anything.

And even in public, my girlfriend, who wasn't one that really thrived in showing public affection, was really keen on it all of a sudden, even if that affection was more often than not, intimate and sexual in nature. Not just kisses, but full on makeout sessions. Not just hands over the hips, but over the butt, thighs, and sometimes even outright touching either mine or her private areas.

I couldn't say I wasn't in love, she was still the same woman I fell in love with, just hornier! Though, to be fair, with how much I was growing, I was getting hornier too...

At this rate, I'm going to end up with a skyscraper dick for my building towering, giantess girlfriend...I wonder if the witch will reverse things at all... though I feel like she might have made this whole thing completely permanent... Oh well... I'm mostly worried for the city, because when I end up cumming in her, her cumblimp of a gut will surely cover the entire city in a pure show of lovemaking quality <3

[lotuseaterwhowistlesthedark]

God I really want to fucking kill myself.

Tw. Rant. You don't need to read this. I'll get over it and solve this myself somehow. Don't worry

My mom hands all the house cleaning work to me because she had a hand accident on her right hand and a couple years later due to her medical issues her left hand was also damaged

Not when I say damaged I mean fucking hurting when strained too long. NOT I CANT FUCKING DO ANYTHING BECAUSE MY HAND LIGAMENTS HAVE BEEN TORN.

So as I was saying. The house hold chores have com crashing on me.

I live in a huge house where absolutely no one wants to fucking help. Fuck not even me.

Even before my recent shifting to the new house a few months age no one helped r kept the house clean. So when I say I was raided in an unorganised house I mean it.

It means laundry thrown inthe washing machine and hung up only the next day. And when the cloths are dry no one folds it. EVEN TO THIS FUCKING DAY I DO BOT KNOW ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF HAVING A CONSISTENT CLEAN HOUSE.

like we'd clean it one day but we'd be like the next two days later "Oh it's clean enough" and never clean again.

Or not having a clean stove because people let the milk flow out of it one to many times without cleaning it or makeing food on it and since it's the fucking stove no one cleans it up cuz why would they it's someone else's job, this happened in my house way way before my mom's accident.

My mother says I need to sweep and mop the house regularly but I can't do that because no one has taught how to. I know to do it but I don't know how to stay consistent. I learnt it on my own.

I expect my mother to clean the stove, and maybe fold the clothes, it doesn't need that much hand power but I'm expected to do it because the only young person inthe house and I'm the only one injured.

Everyone in my house is fat because no one taught me consistency of going and working out.

Ever since my childhood I'm not allowed to play with boys. I'm not allowed to stay out of the house after sun down. If I come home late I can't go to play for the entire week or two.

And no one taught me how to study properly. I agree that my mother claims that she say with me until 6th grade but I tend to forget traumatic incident or fights so I don't remember it at all....

Fuck me.

There's only so much I can do.

Fucking fuckdy fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCKING KILL ME ÀJSVFOSBELSIFBDOANDUD....

I don't fucking know what to do not.

Why do I feel so so sad about an unclean house.

What is wrong with me.

WHY AM I CRYING WHEN ITS ALL MY FUCKING FAULT?!?!

IM SUPPOSED TO FIX THIS.

I CANT BLAME MY PARENTS ITS THEIR FIRST TIME TOO.

HOW DO I FIX THIS

WHY DO I HATE MYSELF

HOW FO I FIX THIS.

FUCK.

as usual.... I'll figure it out, yes I'm fine I just needed to rant.

Thank you from reading

Bye

[jewishicequeen]

I really don't know anymore

I made plans for Purim. They got cenceled for war reasons.

I made new plans, was even more excited. Crushed the fucking car and we can't do that either now.

Started making even more plans and the doctor put the next review ON FUCKING PURIM

I am so mad I wanna hit something. I am so fucking mad. And my mom just tells me it is what it is and she's right, but

I'm allowed to grieve? I'm allowed to want something and be mad when I lose it? I'm allowed to get mad at myself because it is, without question or doubt, my fucking fault and my fucking mess?? Can't I at least aknowlage this???

[mydream-synopsis]

togame wearing grey sweatpants and you can't help but Stare at his bulge............

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[faggotcitosis]

i watch the umbrella academy very casually with no emotional attachment or reaction but seeing elliot page always irks me bc i am reminded about the fact that when he did that stupid magazine cover shirtless you could see his fake abs in high detail which looked unbelievably ridiculous attached to how skinny the rest of his body was

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

damn... kinda mad i didn't die in my dream last night... could've added another method to the list

[vreemd]

it's so. weird how you're not allowed to be therapy critical or anti therapy even if you've yourself been in therapy for 15+ years and it was completely useless or even detrimental. and you see other people like you going down the same path. therapy does not work for everyone and it's a huge fucking money and energy sink.

like especially when it comes to cptsd I just personally feel like that is literal physical brain damage. talking about it has the same effect as talking extensively about a broken leg and pretending it doesn't need a splint.

like a physical injury needs rest. you're not going to keep purposely dislodging an open fracture expecting it to magically heal so why do this exact thing to trauma sufferers. useless.

[mojaves]

CALEB HARRIS, CORPORATE ENEMY - €$100,000 REWARD FOR ANY INFORMATION PROVIDED ON HIS CURRENT LOCATION

[deus-ex-mona]

the constant emphasis on the can of alcohol though… it’s like it’s telling us that yuko’s too deep in her vices/self-indulgence that she’s completely oblivious to how much her younger son loves and cares for her…

[peterbwatsonparker]

things that annoy me about fanon portrayal of peter parker #1265

inability to properly portray his superpowers and also skills. guys. guys. why is he getting knocked around by like. 5 run of the mill crooks. guys. why did he break his arm falling a grand total of two stories. guys. how is he actually getting beat up getting hit by sir normal ass man. guys. why is he seriously out of commission for over a week.

just say the only powers you remember are wall crawling and spider sense and go

[marsixm]

u know that whole "theres a whole world out there we're unaware of" thing that usually gets applied to like, unheard of network tv shows, the zynternet, suburban family trends, etc? thats how i feel when i hear about like, in person events or whatever via some random reel, like showing some massive hyper specific event with like hundreds of people doing some activity or at some place w zero context or explanation, seemingly in america just like me, that i have never seen or heard of in my life. like where did this come from? was this always a thing? is this a thing that only popped up in the last 3 years like a lot of weird specific trends? im not judging im just confused 😭