#and this thing where i am trying to express my enjoyment of something in public where people can see it is. excruciating. for me.

[a-memory-a-distant-echo]

NO WAIT i'm hijacking this post because i saw the tags on prev and realised that i've literally just had to tell several different people to please go read the writer's first fic in the mlc fandom, the floating clouds, no resting place, because it is SO GOOD and if op won't link it directly, i damn well will.

it's just. it's very good. please go read it.

wip wednesday, mlc fic snippet

It is technically Thursday for me already, but only by 20 minutes, so *slides this in under the wire*

This is from the sequel to the floating clouds, no resting place if I ever manage to kick it into shape. Feat. Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng, but my difanghua agenda is alive and well.

"A-Fei." Li Lianhua swallows, then tries again. "Feisheng." That wins him a tart little huff, like the dry husk of a laugh that got caught in Di Feisheng's throat. "No one calls me that." "What would you like to be called, then?" As diversions go, it is more of an accidental tumble than a deft sidestep. "I could ask you the same thing." The thing that Di Feisheng truly wants to know—the thing that haunts his every step—is layered underneath. Who is Li Lianhua now, in this new life of his? Where is the man Di Feisheng once knew like a shadow knows a body? "I—" Li Lianhua hesitates. It is a newfound relief to do so without artifice. But Di Feisheng has earned an answer. "I am Fang Xiaobao's friend. I am your friend. And I'm afraid He Xiaohui will start calling me her son-in-law any day now, though I'm tragically unlikely to ever continue her family line." Di Feisheng shakes his head. His husky laugh curls around Li Lianhua's heart. "Your affairs are a worse mess than mine, Li Lianhua." And there, again, he is gently pinned by a beloved eye, heard by a familiar ear. What a strange thing, to be so known. He could, perhaps, get used to it.

[max1461]

Here's my other problem with tumblr discourse: even when I make the context/intended interpretation of a post really explicit, people ignore this context and respond to it in like... for lack of a more charitable term, a discoursebrained way.

So a while ago I made a post about some ethical intuition I had, and at the top I put a huge disclaimer which said something to the effect of "this is just an expression of my feelings, it's not meant to be a philosophically airtight position, please don't take it as such", followed by a readmore and then the actual post. Why did I do that? Because I figured that if I didn't, people would nitpick it in various technical ways that missed the basic point. Lo and behold several people still did that, and when I replied basically restating the disclaimer, one of them said "oh I didn't even see that. Well I think if you post a half-baked thought online I retain the right to nitpick it".

I guess that's true. My blog is public. But the point is that I want to use my blog for certain things and not others, right, that's what I'm attempting to do. And people seem actively resistant to my attempts to guide the discussion on my blog in certain directions, which makes blogging less enjoyable. Of course some people will always do that, that fact doesn't bother me, but it feels like the irrelevant/point-missing discourse so often overshadows the meaningful discourse that I start to feel less of a desire to put in the effort.

Like, the point of issuing that disclaimer was to say, as explicitly as I could manage, "I am trying to have a discussion about feelings and intuitions here, I am aware there might be ways these intuitions are not fully consistent, but that is not the discussion I'm trying to have". But even so explicit an attempt to specify a conversation topic does not work; the discourse machine demands a certain kind of engagement and that is the engagement every post will get no matter what.

I don't want to put the person who missed my disclaimer on blast: it's honestly an error that anyone could make and on its own it's no big deal. If said person is reading this: you didn't do anything wrong and I am not mad at you, to be 100% clear.

It's not a one-off mistake that bothers me, it's the fact that this is how discussions on here so often go that putting in the effort to discuss things productively often feels wasted.

Another example of this that... if you go through my #society tag, you will see a lot of uncertainly in my phrasing. You will see me say a lot of "it seems like we should..." and "we should find some mechanism to..." and so on and so forth. Why? Because, as I've mentioned before, I've gotten a lot out of political discourse on here. When it's good, I actually find it quite good. But it's good when it has a constructive or collaborative tone, when I am bouncing ideas or thoughts back and forth with someone. Generally I am trying to invite this kind of discourse.

Sometimes, again, I say it really explicitly. I don't have them off the top of my head, but I know there are quite a lot of #society posts where I've said something quite straightforwardly to the effect of "here are some niche social/political issues I've been contemplating, does anyone have any ideas for how to respond to them". Obviously there's a spectrum in how explicit I am about this, but even when I'm really clear, most of the responses I get are still "discoursebrained", in the sense that they seem antagonistic and generally more interested in saying "X guys are cool and Y guys are lame" than in productively engaging with a set of ideas.

Even if you disagree with my claims or my premises, there is a way to state that which adds to a conversation instead of shutting down a line of inquiry. I am always trying to invite this type of mutually-productive discussion, and I so rarely achieve it.

Over the years my methods have changed. I come from a background of like, forums for specific nerd interests. Those places are plenty contentious, full of plenty of drama and disagreement. But ultimately, I always still felt that productive discussion was valued above destructive discussion; that because we were all united in a common goal of [doing our nerdy hobby], a comment where you build on someone's idea to say something useful to others or to introduce a new insight was generally valued above one where you just said "you're wrong for such and such reasons, hah!" or even "you're right for such and such reasons".

Coming from this background, I assumed this would also be the case on tumblr, and that I would not have to put in any extra effort to invite this sort of discourse. Alas, this was not true; even long and thought-out replies from respected discoursers often just amount to "here are the guys I agree with and here are the guys I disagree with, for such and such reasons". This is lame and boring and not appealing to me.

So over the years I've tried to be more and more explicit about what types of discussion I am trying to have, I've tried to tee up the sort of interactions I want as much as possible, but it hasn't really worked.

The problem is not strictly the quality or measuredness of the responses or their tone or anything like that. These are the things most people focus on when they critique the discourse, but I think they miss the point. The problem is that most responses don't seem to be intended to advance a mutually-productive discussion, they don't build on the base of what they are responding to, they just make various assertions and statements of allegiance in the vicinity of the material they are responding to and call it a day.

Maybe this is too harsh. I'm sure I do this too. And it's not always bad. Sometimes I use someone else's post openly as a jumping off point to elaborate my own ideas (although I try to be careful about this, and also make it somewhat clear that I am doing it), and this can be productive. I do actually want to hear people's ideas. It's not any single instance of these things I'm complaining about, it's just that discoursey responses seem to drown out all other types of discussion, even when you are really clear about what type of discussion you are trying to have.

So that's my complaint.

[whimsibeee]

🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

4 things I am super passionate about:

this is probably coming out of left field, but I am super obsessed with historical clothing. My favourite period is the turn of the century (late Victorian and Edwardian) because I love love love puffed sleeves, but recently I've really been into the 1840s in terms of silhouettes and techniques. I sew and it is one of my biggest goals to start making historical clothing for myself. Where will I wear it? Who knows?

I also am very very passionate about gothic literature (gothic anything really). I adore Jane Eyre and Rebecca, and I've really been loving some newer gothic books (I've recently become a fan of Ava Reid, for instance). I just love the spooky, dramatic vibes, the focus on decrepit locations and morally ambiguous characters. I think nothing would please me more than to live in a haunted manor in the countryside harbouring a deep secret...

I am very passionate about sharks! I wish I had access to more conservation efforts (cries in landlocked), but I feel very strongly about protecting them and about changing the public's view of sharks. I think they are so so cute and also very important to the ecosystem and I wish they didn't get such a negative reputation for just doing what they've been built to do.

Lastly, I feel very passionately about the idea that everyone should have a creative hobby. Personally, I write, knit, and sew, and I have been trying to get into crochet and embroidery. I just feel like having an outlet to express yourself, as well as being able to make something of your own from nothing is something that is so valuable in our current world. Being able to slow down and create something through effort, willpower, and passion is necessary in a world where everything is constantly sold to you on the basis of ease and accessibility. Being able to make something just for the enjoyment of it is so empowering when your value is often reduced to that of a "consumer." I think that everyone should have a creative hobby, whatever it is, just so that they remember they have that power and value inside themselves.

[marijanetunes]

the worst thing in my opinion is when someone takes you to task over being autistic in public and is like “you were in the wrong in every social interaction i’ve observed you in, and the ppl you talked to were upset by your behaviour. they didn’t tell you about it and i chose to keep this a secret from you for months so you’ve been unknowingly digging your own social grave with everyone you’ve spoken to over the last year. i know you think you live in some fantasyland where everyone is perfectly honest at all times but you’re wrong, and everyone is mad at you.” and then you’re like “damn, not only are all my acquaintances pissed at me, but my allegedly close friend thinks i’m so stupid that i believe nobody is ever deceitful. this has been a blow to my confidence and i am feeling apprehensive about participating in social situations. i feel like a failure.” and then your friend is like “awww cheer up buddy! actually everyone thinks you’re so cool and now theyre all upset because you’re not interacting with them as much!” and you’re like “that makes no sense and i feel like i cant trust you because you just delivered an itemized list of all the things i did to piss people off over the last several hangouts and acted like it was a grave dishonor that needed to be corrected.” and your friend is like “you know what your real problem is? you just need to have higher self esteem :)”

like you really cant win for losing bc if you’re even moderately capable of having a normal grown up interaction, you’re expected to perform in a totally neurotypical fashion at all times. and when you express that this is too difficult for you, you’re either told that everyone experiences the exact same struggles as you and you need to get over yourself, or you’re treated like a child who needs the most basic fundamental tenets of human society explained to them. like no sorry i actually did get bullied in school enough to pick up on the fact that social interactions have different rules and expectations. i’m well aware that there are certain ways that certain people need to be treated in certain situations. i am just struggling to perform these roles with the same level of accuracy as other people and i have a limited bandwidth and, i cannot stress this enough, i have a history of being mistreated by my peers that adds fuel to the fire.

and tbh like the number of times other people are rude, disrespectful, insulting, and otherwise inappropriate towards me that i’ve just chosen to shake off because i know that some people have bad days or its not worth fighting about or what the fuck ever. like it really feels sometimes like there’s a strict set of rules that only i have to follow because everyone else seems to be able to get away with it.

or like yesterday with my parents its like. ok. imagine you come to the apartment of someone very close to you to talk to them about something innocuous. when you walk in you notice that the apartment is very messy, and the person living there is acting embarrassed and trying to shove things around to make it less of a disaster. they are still in their pjs even though it is past noon. their hair is a mess. so you ask them how work is going. they say they don’t want to get into it because its making them anxious and they are trying to get things done. you press them for info and they reveal that their job security is in danger. they also reveal that they are struggling with physical health issues and having a difficult time getting medical attention. they also express that the combination of mental stress from work and physical stress from this health issue is making it borderline impossible for them to have enjoyable leisure time or even complete basic self care tasks. at this point they are in tears.

during this conversation, you have also noticed that some of the problems they are experiencing at work may be due to miscommunications related to autism. you have a few ideas of things they have done wrong and could be corrected about.

do you:

a) console them and offer to help with some tasks so they can get their mind off of things, and table the discussion about what they can do to improve their personal skills for a time when they are not actively sobbing and surrounded by dirty laundry?

b) say “you know what your problem is?” and start giving them extremely blunt advice that you don’t even give them the courtesy of compliment-sandwiching or otherwise softening the blow in any way, and then leave immediately when they tell you they’re too stressed out to take in advice?

like its as if because i struggle with social cues, people think that pleasantries or niceness will have no effect on me so they might as well just cut straight to telling me everything i’m doing wrong. god forbid i match their energy and give them critique in the same exact way though, don’t you know you’re supposed to play nice you dumb fucking autist????? i’m actually so sick and tired of it all.

being autistic is so annoying i actually wish i could blow people up with my mind. imagine you went to a party and everyone else there was wearing a blue shirt. next week you’re at a different party and everyones wearing a pink shirt. next week its a green shirt. so you pull someone you think is a close friend aside and go “hey, i noticed everyone at this party is wearing the same coloured shirts all the time. and they’re not really willing to talk to people who aren’t wearing the right colour shirt. is there some way i can find out in advance what kind of shirt everyone is wearing so i can participate?” and your friend is like “well :) you need to be more empathetic and understand that everyone is wearing these shirts for a reason :)” and you’re like “yea i get that. i’d like to know what the reason is, so i can figure out if i should be wearing the shirts too.” and your friend is like “wooooow you’re being so literal. you cant just expect people to tell you the reason they’re wearing the shirts. thats really personal.” and you’re like “yeah totally, i’ve been trying to just talk normally to other people at this party to see if i can find out from context clues, but nobody wants to talk to me because i’m not wearing the right shirt. and ive managed to figure out the shirt thing is sort of not supposed to be discussed openly so i’m asking you specifically because i thought we were friends and could be honest with each other.” and your friend is like “well its not really about the shirts, you just need to be more attentive and then they’ll want to talk to you.” and you’re like “ok yeah well i thought i was being attentive, but clearly it’s not working for me and i can’t get to the bottom of it, and the only thing i can see is the shirts. do you have any other advice for me on how i can not be ostracized at this party?” and your friend is like “people like it when you smile and ask them questions about themselves :)” and you’re like “i tried that and they just looked at my shirt and scoffed and didn’t want to talk to me. and that seems sort of rude in my opinion.” and your friend is like “well have you considered that they think its rude that you’re not wearing the right coloured shirt?” and you’re like “i did consider that. thats why i would like to know how i’m supposed to know what colour shirt i should be wearing” but your friend didn’t hear any of that because they started talking to some other people in the same coloured shirts and they don’t introduce themselves to you or even look at you and you are like damn ok i guess nobody at this party wants to talk to me so you go home and the next day your friend is like “heyyy everyone at the party was really hurt by the way you didn’t even try to talk to them” and i wish i could blow people up with my mind!!!!!

[just-dreaming-marvel]

A Secret Love

MAIN MASTERLIST

MARVEL MASTERLIST

Tony Stark x Writer!Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,780ish

Request: Tony Stark x writer!reader where they have been in a relationship for years but the avengers don't really notice until they see her name on a book hyphenated with his? Thank you so much!

Warnings: allusions to sex

Notes: I hope this is enjoyable! (I’m actually questioning how good this actually eyes.) Please let me know thoughts/reactions!

Tony felt like his habits were rubbing off on you. Yes, he had been in the lab for almost twenty-four hours but, as he pulled up to your apartment building at two in the morning, he could see your bedroom light still on. He sighed, shaking his head as he parked his car. He slipped on the baseball cap and sunglasses he had sitting in the passenger seat before getting out of his car.

As Tony headed up to your apartment, he was reminded yet again of why he so desperately wanted to move you to the Tower. The place had no security, the elevator was constantly breaking, and he was pretty sure the neighbor across from you was a serial killer. He had tried and tried to convince you to move, even to just a nicer apartment with security if not the Tower, but you refused. He would have let it go a lot sooner if you weren’t his secret wife.

You were an author, almost ready to officially release your very first book. The two of you had met at one of his parties over a year ago. You had been dragged along by Natasha, having met her in a club a few months prior. Tony had immediately taken interest in you while you, knowing his reputation, had been wearier of him. If Tony was one thing though, he was persistent especially when he absolutely wanted something. And he wanted you more than anything he had ever wanted before.

Once you agreed to the first date, things quickly took off from there. Your relationship grew at a fast pace, though no one knew any better. You had expressed early on in your relationship that you wanted to keep it a secret until your first book was out. You wanted to do the work yourself to get it out without having people believe that Tony helped with any part of it. Tony was surprisingly understanding, really only caring if he could still be with you.

You hung out with Tony and the Team often at the Tower. Tony and you snuck kisses and other small touches here and there and were extremely careful to not get caught. You had quickly learned that, even for a group of spies and superheroes, none of them could truly keep a secret, especially from each other.

It was about two months ago when your and Tony’s relationship really shifted. He had gotten back from a mission that really shook him up and all he wanted to do was see you. So beaten, bruised, bloody, and still in his suit, Tony stumbled into your apartment. He quickly pulled you into him, kissed you with a passion you had never experienced before, and told you to marry him. You quickly responded with a yes and the two of you were secretly married at City Hall later that day.

Tony was never known as a truly patient man. He was trying for you, but he was counting down the days until your book was officially out to the public and you could move into the Tower. Opening the door to your apartment with the copy of the key he had, he quickly slipped in and took off his hat and glasses as he closed the door behind him. Tony followed the faint light emanating from your bedroom to find you hunched over at your desk, working on your laptop.

“Honey,” his voice was full of love yet was in a reprimanding tone. He came over and placed his hands on your shoulders, starting to massage out the knots. “You should be asleep.”

“In a minute,” you mumbled, focusing on the screen. “This has to be done and submitted before seven am. I can’t miss this deadline or my book will be pushed back two more weeks and I can’t have that because my lease will then be up and I can’t move into the Tower until the book is released and—“

“Okay, okay, slow down, honey. You’re starting to panic. If you don’t make this deadline, that’s okay. We will handle this. You moving into the Tower before the book comes out won’t do you any harm.”

“You don’t know that! It could ruin the entire release plan and then my publisher will throw a fit! And then I will probably be blacklisted and no one will ever want to publish another one of my books ever again and—“

“Honey, honey,” Tony turned your chair around and squatted down so that he could force you to look at him if you tried to hide your eyes from him. “You’re spiraling. You’re tired and overwhelmed. You need to sleep.”

You shook your head. “I need to finish it.”

“No. I’m using the husband card since I am unable to as often as I would like. You are going to bed.”

“But—“

“No. You are going to bed, even for just a few hours. It will help.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead. “Let’s go.”

Tony was grateful that you let him pull you from your chair and guide you to your bed. He threw the covers back before you slipped in, allowing him to then tuck you in. Quickly, Tony turned off the lights and crawled into bed behind you. He pulled you into his chest only to realize that you had already fallen asleep. He smiled softly to himself before kissing the side of your head and falling asleep himself.

~~~

You would never verbally admit this, but Tony had been right. You had needed sleep. When you woke up four hours later, your mind felt a lot better than it had when Tony found you. Glancing at the clock, you figured out that you had about an hour before your deadline and felt the need to get back to work. You eased yourself out of Tony’s arms, to not wake him, and tip-toed over to your desk.

Before you knew it, you finished what you needed to on your book and submitted it. You glanced at the clock to see that you had ten minutes left to spare. Smiling triumphantly you leaned back in your chair before turning it to face Tony. Your head feel against your shoulder as you watched him sleep. Your husband rarely ever got a good night’s rest, especially one that allowed him to look as peaceful as this.

Eventually, you pushed yourself off the chair and crawled back in beside Tony. You wrapped your arms around him and pushed one of your legs between his, trying to be as close to him as possible. Tony’s body moved closer to you in response. He let out a hum as his head found its way to bury in your neck. You giggled slightly, kissing his head.

“Morning,” Tony mumbled against you, arms wrapping around you.

“Morning, sweetheart,” you replied, one of your hands coming up to comb through his hair.

“How long have you been up?”

“Only about an hour. Finished what I needed to.”

Tony looked up with a proud glee in his eyes. “I knew you would.” He pecked your lips lightly. “Should we celebrate?” A mischievous glimmer filled his eyes with a matching smirk to go with it. “I know a way that usually gets a pretty great reaction out of you.” 

One of Tony’s hands began trailing down your side to the band of your leggings. You licked your lips as you began to feel the need between your legs.

“Please,” you whimpered. “Show me how proud you are of me.”

“It would be my genuine pleasure.”

~~~

“Hey Y/N!” Steve greeted you when he saw you exit the elevator. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be busy with your book coming out.”

“Oh, I am,” you responded. “Press starts in the morning. I just came by to talk to Tony real quick.”

“He’s up in the lab.” You turned to head toward the staircase that would lead to the lab on the next level. “Hey Y/N,” Steve called to stop you.

“Yeah?” You turned back to face him.

“I know it’s really none of my business. But have you and Tony ever considered a relationship? You are really good for him. He’s changed—for the better—since meeting you.”

“Yeah,” you smiled, trying not to laugh, “I’ve thought about it. I just have wanted to get my book out first.”

“Makes sense,” Steve nodded. “Sorry if I pushed too much.”

“You didn’t, Steve. Don’t worry.”

You left Steve and headed to the lab. You were thankful to find Tony in there all by himself. He was hunched over his workbench, fixing something on his suit. You came up from behind him, wrapped your arms around him, and kissed below his ear.

“Hey there, hubby,” you teased in his ear. 

Tony smiled, dropping the supplies in his hands. “Hey, wifey,” he replied. 

He cranked his head to be able to kiss you on your lips. As you kissed, you loosened the arms you had around him, allowing him to turn to face you.

“How are you feeling?” Tony asked when the two of you finally separated. “Are you ready for the press tour?”

“I think so,” you responded. 

“Are you ready for the world to finally know about us?”

You nodded. “It will be an adjustment for sure. But yes. We shouldn’t hide this any longer. The Team isn’t going to be happy that we’ve kept this from them for so long.”

“They’ll get over it.” He kissed you sweetly again. “I’m going to be by your side the entire tour. I’ve already worked it out with Pepper.”

“Does she know about us?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “But it’s Pep, so probably.”

“Right,” you gave a firm nod. “Are you staying and my place tonight? I need help packing and then—“

A loud siren interrupted you, paired with red alarm lights. Tony quickly let you go, heading for one of his suits on the wall as Steve and Natasha came rushing in.

“There’s an attack in Europe!” Steve exclaimed.

“Of course, there is,” Tony muttered.

“Clint’s prepping the quinjet,” Natasha stated. “Everyone else is getting their things together.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to keep your emotions together. You always struggled with Tony going away on missions, but today was different. Right now was big time for you. You wanted Tony—your husband—by your side. But of course, neither of you could choose when the bad guys would attack.

“Sorry for interrupting your visit, Y/N,” Steve apologized, “but we need all hands on deck for this one.”

You forced out a brief smile. “It’s no problem,” you replied. “The world needs their heroes.”

Steve nodded, still looking sorry before his eyes moved to Tony. “We’ll meet you down at the jet.” He and Natasha quickly rushed out.

You sighed, shoulders shagging as your head hung. Tony hated how he had no control over leaving you. It was doing it for you—keeping the world safe—even though he knew that it would hurt you. He came back over to you before entering his open suit. His hands rested on your arms, thumbs rubbing against you.

“I promise that I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said, sorrow in his voice.

“Just… stay safe. Please,” you begged, meeting his gaze. “I can handle the tour. I just can’t handle you not coming back.”

“I will always come back as long as I have you to come back to.” He leaned in and kissed you lovingly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

~~~

“So, Y/N,” the female news anchor started, “your first book is just about to release digitally in the next few moments, with it to release physically next month. Are you ready?”

You took a deep breath. That question was more of a loaded question than the anchor even knew. Where you ready to reveal the truth about your relationship? To be more than just a new author, but to be Tony Stark’s wife? 

“Yes,” you finally responded with a smile. "Yes, I am.”

“Let’s do it then,” the anchor responded.

The cover of your book appeared on the screens around you. It hadn’t been revealed yet, to keep your relationship a secret, but now there it was. It was staring back at you, the cover with your name at the bottom: Y/N L/N-STARK.

“Stark?” The news anchor read aloud. Her brows furrowed as she looked at you for an answer.

“I guess it’s better late than never,” you smiled, knowingly.

~~~

The news traveled fast. Your interviews were now more focused on your relationship with Tony and how the two of you were able to keep it a secret for so long, and less on your book. You weren’t too mad though. Turns out, you really enjoy talking about your relationship, especially after not being able to.

The Team were the ones kept out of the loop. Multiple things went wrong on the mission, causing them to not have access to anything that could break the news about your and Tony’s relationship to them. They were gone, without a word, for two weeks. This caused you, unfortunately, to have to do the entire press tour yourself. You knew that Tony would quickly make it up to you though, knowing that you had wanted him there.

Happy and a few other Stark assistants helped you move your items into the Tower while the Team was still gone. This allowed you to change some things around in your new shared room before Tony came home and tried to pick a fight with you about the changes.

“Does it seem like there’s more press outside the Tower than normal?” Bucky asked, looking out the window as Clint went to land the quinjet on the Tower’s platform.

“It does,” Steve responded, noticing it as well.

Tony couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face. He knew what the press was doing out there and that meant that you were in the Tower. You were finally home and he could finally tell the world that you were his.

“What did you do Stark?” Sam asked, seeing the man’s growing smile.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Tony responded.

Natasha groaned, rolling her eyes. “I am too tired to put up with your antics today,” she said.

“Oh, I think you’ll like this one.”

The quinjet landed and Tony was the first one to saunter out. He immediately went searching for you. The Team followed him, curious as to what was going on. They ended up in the main common area, where you had piles of your book on the large dining. You were sitting at the table, signing books. Your head snapped up when you heard people coming.

“Tony!” You squealed. You hopped up, rushed around the table, and launched yourself at him.

Tony chuckled, catching you easily as he stumbled back slightly. “Hey, honey.”

You brought Tony in for a long-awaited kiss, not caring who else was in the room.

“I knew it!” Clint exclaimed.

“Huh, guys,” Steve caught the group's attention, holding up a copy of your book. “Did we sleep through the wedding?”

Natasha quickly ripped the book from Steve’s hand. “What the hell?” She questioned.

You and Tony had finally stopped kissing and were standing together, holding each other close as you watched your friend's reactions. They all turned to face you, varying degrees of emotions in their eyes.

“I guess we should officially tell you that—“

“Y/N and I have been married for a little over four months now,” Tony quickly cut you off. “And we will be answering questions tomorrow or you can feel free to watch the interviews that I’m sure she has out there already answering questions.”

“But—“ Steve tried.

“Nope,” Tony shook his head. “I’ve been away from my wife for too long and need some time alone with her.”

“Sorry,” you smiled at the Team. “I’ll make sure to answer your questions in the morning.” Tony began ushering you to the elevator.

“You better!” Natasha shouted after you both. “I am owed! I introduced the two of you!”

“FRIDAY, please lock down our floor as soon as we’re there,” Tony said. “We don’t need Red storming after us.”

You laughed. “I’m sure she’ll get in if she wanted to,” you told him with a pat on his chest.

His eyes drew dark with lust as he pulled you closer to him. “Well, then I guess we should be sure to give her a show.”

[rnisa]

NSFW Death Note Headcanons 

content warnings: hard kinks and fetishes - there may be content you do not like to see. if that’s the case, don’t read it if you cannot separate fantasy from reality. i am entirely self-projecting LOL

characters included: Light, L, Misa, Near, Mikami

a/n: i headcanon every charatcer as bisexual = me projecting again, but i genuinely don’t really care about sexualities much. but you can h/c them as whatever you like when you read. very few headcanons may be gender-specific! if one doesn’t apply to you then just skip over. important: assume these are all kinks between healthy individuals that have discussed it prior. you can be  kinky & healthy. consent is sexy. if you can’t understand that, then i don’t know why you are still reading...

˖ ⁺ .︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦˖ ⁺ .

Light Yagami

★ I gave my content warnings, so I mind as well do the worst of them first: Light has a misogyny kink for sure. He doesn’t really hate women; it’s about the power dynamic. 

★ He very much craves control, and it gets him off. As such he likes most kinks where there is a power dynamic. 

★ He swears he isn’t into petplay, but Light would love to have you leashed up, tugging on your collar to pull you closer to him. Whether he just does it for the heck of it, or he’s using it to push himself deeper into your mouth, he loves it.

★ Not into being called “d addy” or anything, but he loves being called “Sir,”.

★ Light is very good at what he does, I would never want to hurt you so much, but he thinks you could do with some ‘gentle’ choking.

★ Loves to manhandle his partners: he’s pretty strong, so between throwing you on the bed and picking you up to f uck you against the wall, expect to be moved around like a doll, a bit.

★ Prefers the “reward” system. If you’re “good” and do as he says, he will in turn reward you with the things you want. 

★ If you’re “bad”, he will consistently edge you and refuse to let you cum.

★ If Light was extra satisfied, you will be rewarded in cuddles without you needing to ask him.

★ Good/Not Kira Light will have mostly similar kinks but actually be loving and gentle with you during the daytime.

★ With prior consent, he would ask if you wouldn’t mind waking each other up by doing something sexy. I.e., you touching him to wake him up in the morning, and him doing the same for you in return.

˖ ⁺ .︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦˖ ⁺ .

L Lawliet

★ L’s libido is honestly very low. 

★ His kinks are a bit more... unique? Just like he is, I suppose.

★ L would love to just watch you play with yourself - whether he’s in the same room as you or watching you through cameras, or a hole in the wall - sometimes he will touch himself, other times he will not.

★ He gets his spiciest usually when you’re the most tired, for some reason. 1-4am are peak h orny on main hours for him.

★ Loves to tease you in public, subtly. If you’re sitting next to or across from him and he knows he can get away with discreetly touching you underneath the table, he will. He won’t have an expression, but you will.

★ Really, really likes phone s ex. For him touch is great and all, but the most important thing is the buildup. L likes a lot of unique kinds of foreplay.

★ Foot f etish. No I don’t have one but that shit’s funny as fuck.

★ Most of L’s enjoyment, as I said before does come from foreplay. He enjoys touching you the most with his hands, he loves to tease you to see his reaction. 

˖ ⁺ .︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦˖ ⁺ . Misa Amane ★ PEGGING!!! Misa loves to peg, or get pegged. When she’s in a more dominant mood, she loves the idea of someone much bigger than her being the submissive one. 

★ Now Misa is a switch, hands down.

★ Bottom? Top? She will switch right in the middle sometimes.

★ She really enjoys a brat tamer - Misa will be a brat and put up a hissy fit, until she is “put in her place” and “tamed” to a more submissive state.

★ Enjoys having your sessions recorded to get back off to later on.

★ Not fond of hurting her partners - she won’t do it, unless you ask she will try. But her boundaries for that only go so far. I think she would only be fine with doing some light spanking/slapping to her partner. And stepping on them if asked.

★ Loves being slapped, herself. But not too hard...

★ She loves it when people ask her to step on them - she happily does, with her big Demonia boots. She’s not sorry.

★ Misa is big into giving, and receiving oral. She’s extremely good at it.

★ Loves vibrators - on you, or herself. 

˖ ⁺ .︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦˖ ⁺ .

Near 

★ Oh god why am I writing this. Why am I writing for Near.

★ Uhhh

★ Probably the only wholesome, non-degenerate one here.  I think it’s very easy to excite him and he tries his best to hide it.

★ Bottom.

★ He so desperately wants to be the top, wants to dominate you, and to be honest...he does talk a pretty good game! He’s very good at dirty talking - better over the phone, or through text. But when it comes down to it, he’s a bit lost as to what to do. So you have no choice but to take charge.

★ I do think he will be interested in sex, but very embarrassed. Sadly he kind of worries a bit too much about how well he’s doing/his body to really enjoy it.

★ Prefers the lights off; he needs a lot of positive words of encouragement. With this I think over time he could become more comfortable, with the right partner who nurtures and helps him.

★ Will ask you for nudes a lot. Will he send one back? Nope.

˖ ⁺ .︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦︶︶꒷꒦˖ ⁺ .

Teru Mikami

★ He has the biggest humiliation kink.

★ Loves being degraded and insulted. I think he would cope with his horrific bullying as a kid, in this way. 

★ Teru enjoys being insulted... call him anything from  “pathetic,”  “loser,”  “incel,”  “creep,”  and it kind of gets him going. 

★ I can see him using those kinds of services where he pays people to ignore him. 

★ He is into findoms (financial domination); typically where (usually wealthy men) give (usually women) money for no reason, or absolutely nothing in return. Can be expensive gifts, a large amount of money - without any sex ever taking place. I don’t get it but my friend literally does this for a living???

★ Overall Mikami is just a hardcore simp. He would do nearly anything you ask, he only wants to make you happy. He doesn’t really have much, so he considers you his most prized possession.

★ I think even at default he’s more inclined to be a yandere. He is obsessive over you, possessive, and it’s very unhealthy. He will go through your phone/email, anything. Very insecure about seeing someone so much as like your Instagram photos.

★ A relationship with him is already fairly toxic, but after you have sex? This man is already talking about getting married, having/adopting kids, and planning the life you have together.

★ If it’s Mikami after he gets the Death Note, it just amps up the toxicity. Almost impossible to get away from him, and be careful about who you talk with. If someone is a little too friendly with you, and he feels even the slightest bit threatened...

[dangantums]

I’ve come back from the dead to present something I wrote just a few minutes ago, loosely based off of a rp I’m doing. Enjoy! ;)

Most Perfect Person For Me

An Ishimondo fic - Written in Mondo’s POV

CW: definitely spicy

Mondo’s POV:

A sudden crash of silverware on an empty plate awoke me from my haze. “The fuck’s goin’ on?” I thought to myself before I realized where I was again. I was sitting in a dimly-lit restaurant, in a booth out of view from other folks. I guess Taka and I were on a date, or something.

Oh yeah, speakin’ of Taka…

I turned my head to look over at him, now noticing that he was slumped back in the booth. His hands were resting on top of his gut (which was really fuckin’ bloated) and his eyes were droopy. The poor thing looked tired. After all, he had just eaten an entire large pepperoni and sausage pizza by himself. And he was drinking soda, to top it all off. My attention then focused on his uniform. His uniform was hanging on by a damn thread; each button looked like it was about to pop off, and his belly poked out from underneath it. I could hear the bloated mass let out an upset gurgle under his palms.

As my gaze fell on Taka’s pretty face, his cheeks suddenly puffed out as the gurgle made its way up his throat. His bright red eyes shut instantly as a closed-mouth belch happened. It was still loud enough for me to hear it; which, I admit, excited me more than it should’ve. But how can you not feel excited when the overly perfect pretty boy loses his composure?

“I apologize,” Taka groaned, his hands rubbing the sides of his fat gut. He sounded out of breath. “I-… Phew… I’m stuffed.”

“It’s fine,” I said, clearing my throat. Damn it, I sounded like a bumbling idiot. Everything Taka did just drove me wild. “I guess ya’ liked the pizza, eh?”

The moral compass nodded, his eyes opening again to look at me. He looked so tired, yet so innocent. If we weren’t in public, I would’ve-…

“I can tell,” I chuckled, a smirk appearing on my face as I tried to erase those dirty thoughts from my head.

I planted a kiss on the side of his head before I let my hands move to his stomach. Taka’s belly felt drum-tight, and not flabby like it usually was. My hands started to work their magic as I rubbed his belly, trying to feel all its surfaces. A quiet moan escaped Taka’s lips, obviously enjoying the rubs I was giving him. I gave him another kiss, this time on his rosy red cheek.

Another upset gurgle from Taka’s belly met my ears. I looked up at his face to see his mouth twist into an upset expression. Before either of us could react, a hiccup and a fairly large belch fell from his mouth. I pulled my hands off of his belly, before another noise entered my ears.

Pang! Pang! Pang!

I looked back down at his stomach only to realize each button on his uniform that was holding his massive belly was now popping off. One by one, they hit the table, then fell onto the floor. Neither of us could do anything but watch; although, only one of us was watching out of enjoyment.

Once the scene was over, I slammed my fist onto the table, biting down on my lip and crossing my legs quickly. “Fuck,” I nearly said out loud, my mind being completely clouded with more dirty thoughts. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever fuckin’ seen!”

His belly looked so perfect. It was smooth, yet pulled completely taut. It was a pale white color that matched his skin tone— except for the section right around his belly button, which was a light pink color. I spotted some small stretch marks on the sides of his stomach. I also took notice how his belly sat on his lap, like a damn beach ball or something. It was so fuckin’ perfect and cute, and was definitely something I’d like to see over and over again.

“Oh my god!” Taka suddenly cried, his hands clasping over his mouth in pure horror. Although, he still looked exhausted, and maybe a little excited as well. “I-I am so s-sorry! Give me your coat—!!”

Taka whimpered. Then, he suddenly reached around me and grabbed my coat that was hanging off the booth. I took one more look at his belly before he put the coat over his lap. Another hiccup jostled his body, probably due to all of the sudden movement, before he hid his face behind his hands. D’aww, what a cutie.

“It’s fine, relax,” I tried to comfort him. How was I supposed to tell him that that was the most amazing fuckin’ thing I had ever seen? “We’re gonna go home soon, alright? I’ll take care of you, rub yer’ belly in bed for a bit, huh?”

My lover slowly nodded, not moving his hands from his bright red face.

He truly is the most perfect person for me.

[screamin-abt-haikyuu]

Asahi accidentally tells you his feelings in front of the entire team (Part 2)

Continued from Part 1! I would suggest reading it first before proceeding!

Asahi accidently blurted out the L-word as Y/N was rushing out of the club room. He does not know if Y/N heard him. But the entire Karasuno VBC did. Is the gentle giant going to get through this without crying dying making a mess?

Asahi x gn! reader || Sfw Genre: Comedy and fluff at the end Word Count: 1.5k+

The entire Karasuno team is looking at Asahi in stunned silence. They all heard him say he loves you. 

However (fortunately or unfortunately for him), you did not really hear what he said. The entire club’s eyes are glued to the club room’s open windows as they watch you sprint away, eager to make it in time for your movie.

Asahi’s eyes are open wide and he keeps opening and closing his mouth but no words are coming out, he is simply gaping like a fish and making incomprehensible noises. His face is so red and hot that one could make their entire breakfast on it. 

Asahi: I-I-I d-didn’t m-mean t-t-to s- NOYA?! TANAKA?! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!?!

Noya: *in between sobs* Asahi-san, you have grown up so fast!

Tanaka: *loud noises that seem to indicate agreement with Noya* *violent sobbing*

Suga intervened: Oi, you two, stop it! Your cries might catch Y/N’s attention.

Meanwhile, Hinata has run over and climbed on to the club room’s window and is now shouting live updates of your whereabouts. 

“Uwaaaah Asahi-san, I do not think Y/N-san heard you. I can see them running towards the gates.”

Kageyama kicks Hinata, “BOKE, don’t shout their name from the open window, they might hear you, you BOKE!”

“BAKA, Kageyama, you don’t have to kick me, I am only trying to help!”

At this point, Tanaka and Noya are rolling on the floor and crying violently, Kageyama and Hinata are trying to kill each other while Suga and Daichi try to separate them. Asahi is staring at the floor, wishing for a hole to open up and swallow him. The rest of the team is just standing around in silence, trying to absorb the mess that has happened in the last 30 seconds. 

So, you know, a usual day at the Karasuno Volleyball Club.

This is what is going on in Asahi’s mind right now:

“It’s certainly a relief that Y/N did not hear me. Or did they?!?!? and they just pretended to ignore me so they wouldn’t have to answer?!?!?! After all, it has only been 4 months, I do not expect them to love me so soon. What if this scares them off?? If they really did not hear me, that would have been great if the entire team hadn’t heard me say it. And knowing these people, I am sure Y/N will know about this before tomorrow. WHAT IF THEY HEARD ME AND THEY FREAKED OUT AND RAN OFF AND WILL NEVER COME BACK? -” and on and on it went.

"Uh-Oh”

Suga’s words snap Asahi out of his overthinking trance (good timing, I should say, because at this point he is seriously considering shifting to India and becoming a monk). He looks up to see Suga looking out the window. He pales.

//~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What have you been doing since you ran out?

“Shit, I’m going to be late if I walk there. I will have to run if I want to make it in time. The theatre is not that far, though, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

These are the thoughts going through your head as you sprint away from the club room. As you are running, your mind wanders back to Asahi (as it usually does). You have a tendency to replay every moment with him in your mind and you are thinking back to the conversation that had just taken place. Asahi had looked so cute when you were handing him his hairband. You couldn’t wait to see him tonight and you had told him that as you had run out of the room. And it seems so had he-

And then it registers. 

Wait-

//~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A very loud -WHAT?! resounded through the room. It was your voice. And even though it came from the outside, it felt like the entire room shuddered. The sound sent chills through Asahi’s spine and he started quaking in his shoes.

Suga: Uh Asahi, you have probably already realized this but Y/N seems to be running back in this directio-

The club room’s door slams open with such force that it makes everyone jump. You stand at the doorway, panting loudly, with the most incredulous expression on your face.

Asahi is dead now. I am sorry to say but his soul has left his body and it will not be returning. Let’s all come together to pray for his peaceful departure.

You look at Asahi. His face has drained entirely of its colour and he looks ready to pass out. You can almost see steam coming out of his ears as he stares at you in absolute horror. 

“D-did you j-just say you love me?” you manage to gasp out your question as you try to steady your breathing.

Asahi is dead, Y/N, dead people do not speak. 

He is shaking as you walk towards him. The expressions on his and teammates’ faces have already answered your question.

Even though Asahi is terrified out of his mind, he is trying to read your expression. How he chooses to answer right now is probably going to make or break your relationship. 

In between all the confusion on your face, he sees a hint of something else in your eyes: Hope.

You stop in front of him. You ask him the same question again, but much more calmly this time now that your breathing has somewhat normalized.

As he continues to try to read your expression, he realizes you are not mad at him. Instead, there is a slight earnestness in you. He calms down a bit.

“Y-yes.” he says, barely meeting your eyes.

“Do you really mean it? Or was it just a slip of your tongue?” you ask, hopeful, but also bracing yourself for the worst. What’s worse is that this is all happening in front of PEOPLE and all of their eyes are on you both. This is bound to make Asahi want to nope out of here. But the damage is already done and all you can do right now is wait for him to answer.

“I- I mean it (your heart soars for a second) but- (aaaand there it comes crashing back down).”

Asahi’s eyes are back to looking at the floor now and his fists are clenched. 

“but this...this is not how I wanted to tell you. I wanted to make it special for you. But I fucked this up too.”

You did not know what you were expecting him to say but this was certainly not it. Your eyes widen in surprise.

“And I- I understand if you do not feel the same way. Or if you want to b-break up with m-me.”

His voice cracks at the last sentence and even though he’s looking down, it’s not hard to figure out that he is holding back tears. 

“Special for me?” you say as you close the distance between you and him. You use your hands to cup his face and tilt his head up so that he is looking at you. His eyes are full of tears that threaten to fall at any second. 

“The only thing I need for it to be special for me is YOU. I do not care about where you said it, or how you said it. I just care that you said it. That’s the most special thing you could have done for me. You are the only thing I want and need. Everything else is just secondary.”

You wipe away a tear that has fallen from his eyes. 

“However, to make things even: I, L/N Y/N, standing here at Karasuno High School, in the Volleyball Club Room, surrounded by the weirdest audience ever, (why are Tanaka and Noya hugging and crying?? Why does Hinata seem to be in the middle of pantsing Kageyama??), would like to tell you, Azumane Asahi, that I love you too.” You kiss Asahi on his forehead, rubbing comforting circles on his back and give him a big smile. “Was that special enough for you?”

“Yes!” he exclaims, as he throws his arms around you and pulls you in for a short but passionate kiss (something he has never done in public before). His tears are now freely falling but he smiles the biggest smile at you and everything he wants to say to you, all the love and gratitude he has for you, you can see in his eyes. “I love you” he whispers as he loosens his hold on you. 

“I love you too. Can’t wait to see you tonight.” 

You are horribly late for your movie but you don’t care anymore. However, you do know it is important for your boyfriend (WHO LOVES YOU BACK!!) to focus on volleyball. So, you use the movie to excuse yourself and you finally walk out of the room, with the biggest smile on your face. You cannot help but laugh as his teammates almost blow the roof off the place with all their yelling and cheering for him as soon as you leave. 

Suffice it to say that even though you did “see” the movie, you still have no idea what it was about.

FIN

HOPE YOU ENJOYED

Oh my god I finished it. 

This was so enjoyable to write for me I cannot. I don’t think it was too bad for a first attempt??? I’m???

Please do not repost without permission.

Likes, reblogs, follows, comments are much appreciated. 

Pls lmk if you would like more content like this. 

Buy me a Kofi! <3

[stopeatingwhales]

the 1995 brits (pt. 2) x damon albarn & liam gallagher

ok this has nothing to do with the brits bc now its about glastonbury 1995 i just didn't know whether i should rename it lmaoo okay enjoy x

Pairing: 1995 damon albarn & liam gallagher x reader

Warnings: none at all

Word count: 2.495

part one

༉‧₊˚✧

The Glastonbury festival was always one of the best gatherings for music every year. All the best acts in the music would all be invited to perform, and it was amazing. It formed a unity, a connection between the fans and the artists, the creators and the consumers, morphing an atmosphere which only gentrified the solidarity and wholeness the nation felt when they all held adoration to the same album, same songs, singing the choruses from their hearts, with their whole being. It was a spiritual connection with the audience; you weren’t singing to them, you were singing with them. Nothing got as good as Glastonbury - a concert size any larger you would begin to feel detached with the audience - and boy was it a good feeling to be invited this year. Our band had blown up massively, and to be able to perform on the main stage, celebrating the summer and the true joys that music is able to provide and attain, is more than just doing your part. It’s a humbling experience; the lyrics that may have seemingly been written down as a daft thought on the back of a napkin whilst you were sitting having a coffee, relaxing in the tedious cycle that is life, being chanted back to you, shows the true connection those can have with simple melodies and lyrics. Once it’s released in any format, the music, the lyrics, the melodies, they aren’t yours; just as a book, once released, is not the authors’ anymore. It possesses the ownership of the public, that who purchases it, wears it out, listens to the songs back to back to memorise every single lyric and adlib. The songs become the nation's songs, they become the mere link to a dozen memories of each and every person, which they would take to their grave, remembering the good times, and potentially the bad. The true power of music is that it forms a connection - not just with the artist, but with yourself. You can relate to whatever has been said, you can understand yourself just that bit more which allows you to grow as a person, and mature and better into the person that you were set out to be.

I was standing backstage, currently watching the performance lead by Blur, trying to hide from any form of authority who would know that I wasn’t supposed to be back here yet. My band was on in a few hours, so I wasn’t permitted backstage, the only people allowed being the group that was on next. As I admired the performance being put on by Damon and the rest of the band, mumbling lyrics every now and again of songs that I had known from their albums, I felt an arm snake its way around my waist, the grip of the person’s palm squeezing my hip slightly. “Now how come I haven’t seen your pretty face in a while?” said Liam, who was grinning at me widely.

Since the Brit awards, I forced myself to stop partying as much as I used to, due to the addiction that had been stemming from my consistent use of drugs and alcohol. It began to take its toll on me entirely, and I hated the lifestyle that I had started to inhabit. Sex, booze, drugs... they all seem so wonderful, and seem to be fundamental elements that could provide an enjoyable time, don't they? But with repetitive use of such recreational activities, it would not only initiate the worst hangovers, but would also form a pit of longing in the body, endured with your attempt to fill it up with all the illegal pharmaceuticals to make you feel whole again, but of course, the happiness only lasts for a short while before you’re passed out on a couch, waking up at 5 in the afternoon with a raging headache and the only access to pain medication being a five minute walk to the nearest corner shop because you had finished it all. And to your surprise, the pit only got more deep and paining. It was ironic; the drugs designed for jubilation, euphoria, fulfillment, started to make me feel worse than I had already done previously. “I’ve just been caught up with working on the new album, so I’ve been too focused on that to be going out like I used to,” I replied, a grin masked over my lips. It was far from a lie; my band were currently working on our third album, and it had been quite an interesting experience as we were reinventing our sound, though wasn’t the main reason I had avoided all clubs in sight. “You miss me?”

“Course I do, you’re the only girl I know that’ll go as hard as the rest of the lads,” a frown painted over his face as he looked down on me. “It’s hot, y’know.”

I scoffed, my smile still evident on my face. “Oh Liam, you’re going to make me blush!” I joked, placing my arm around his waist. We both carried on watching the performance being led by Damon, who currently had the crowd screaming over the top of their heads at Girls and Boys. Oasis were on after - even these concerts were chipping in on the mess of their feud. “You nervous?”

“Me? Nervous? Never.” Liam replied, snarling at my question.

“Really?” I asked, diverting my stare to look up at Liam, my eyebrows raised in a sarcastic manner. Even though it wasn’t evident from his facial expression, everybody would be nervous. Especially if you were performing on the main stage in a few minutes.

“Okay, maybe a little bit.” He mumbled, staring at Damon with a look of disgust on his face.

“Knew it,” I grinned, allowing my hand to run up and down his back as a form of comfort to soothe his nerves. The tight grip he kept consistent on my waist proved that he felt tense. “You’ll be amazing, you always are.”

“You hitting on me?” he quickly fired back, cocking his head to the side as he admired me, his gaze flicking to my lips every now and again.

“Of course I am.” I sarcastically replied, rolling my eyes at Liam’s child-like characteristics. By now Blur had finished their set, leaving the crowd screaming and waving things in the air as a form of goodbye. Me and Liam stayed put in our place as the four boys waltzed off the stage, me congratulating them as they walked off one by one. Damon was the last to walk off, and as he began strolling off the stage proudly, our eyes connected, causing me to dart my stare away from his robust glare that had reflected off of his orbs. Knowing of his distaste in Liam, I brushed it off immediately, remembering the pettiness of their argument the last time we had all been together at the Brits. I heard Liam utter some profanity under his breath after Damon walked past us, but I chose not to question him on it, full-well knowing it was either wanker or cunt.

When the rest of the band turned up and Oasis were on cue to go on, Liam quickly detached himself from our embrace, pressing his lips to my cheek, grinning at me widely. “Don’t miss me too much!” he shouted as he walked onto the stage, causing the crowd to erupt into a fit from the mere sight of the band getting themselves ready - Liam just standing there cooly, picking up the tambourine left on the floor for him. I marvelled at the band as they began their set, instantly grinning as soon as Liam began singing the lyrics to Rock n Roll star. Let’s hope he’s not walking off stage this time.

I continued to concentrate on their performance, oftentimes laughing as the crowd progressively got more and more rowdy, screaming the lyrics as Liam sang them, as if Noel’s backing vocals weren’t enough to keep the song going to its full potential. “I wonder when you’re going to realise that you like me.” I heard a voice mutter from behind, causing me to abruptly turn my head, even though I knew exactly who it was. My eyes were greeted with the sight of Damon, a small smirk illustrated on his lips as he glued his eyes on mine - just like he had done before when he walked past me and Liam.

“I’m sorry?” I scoffed, raising my eyebrows at his clearly egotistical assumption, though I couldn’t help but resist a smile to contract on my cheeks as I gazed at him. Much like me and Liam, we also hadn’t spoken since the Brit awards, and it would’ve been a lie if I hadn’t wanted to talk to him again. Despite the fact that there was a certain tension between us that, from each meeting, seemed to intensify, and was something we were both clearly aware of, I ignored it entirely - even if my bandmates had teased me religiously every time they saw me have an encounter with him. Go out with him already! You two are constantly flirting!

Moving away from where I was standing, I made my way over to him to be able to talk over the loud music seeping out of the speakers, instead of shouting at one another. We then exited the backstage area together, welcoming us to the view of a plain grassland where a couple trailers had been parked, both of our bands included. Eventually, we walked to one of the random trailers, assuming it was his one, and stood against the shiny metal impediment as we shared a cigarette.

“Don’t act like it’s not true,” he replied casually, him reciprocating my grin as we began to walk further into the backstage space. “I saw the way you were eyeing me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I replied, attempting to act oblivious towards his statement. I could feel him gawking, focused on me as I admired the blooming sunlight that casted out towards us, the light so bright that it caused my eyes to tear up slightly. The music was still very much audible, and the screams of the many thousands jammed together in the mosh pit were still extremely loud.

“Oh, but you do.” he mumbled, causing me to shift my view to look at him. He had now fixated his stare onto the sun, the cigarette softly placed between his lips as he inhaled quickly before taking it out and allowing the built-up smoke from his lungs to escape into the atmosphere. Dropping the tobacco roll onto the ground, he placed his foot over it in order to burn it out, then turning his head to fixate his gaze onto mine. A brief moment of silence passed as we admired one another, the atmosphere carrying an element of apprehension as to what was about to occur between us. Through my peripheral I saw moving his body slightly to come closer to mine as he lifted his back off the metal surface and stood in front of me, my gaze not daring to leave him. Our eyes maintained strong eye contact as I felt my cheeks began to heat up furiously, followed by my attempt on telling myself that it was simply due to the sun’s radiance that my face held such warmth, almost as if to doubt the feelings, the tensions that had constantly piled up every time we had seen one another.

Our noses touched as our faces then became inches apart, my eyes focused on Damon, who kept darting his eyes to my lips every few seconds. Tilting his head slightly, he leaned his body forward, softly pressing his lips onto mine. We stood there for a few seconds, to allow the moment to truly sink in. His hands were gently placed on my waist as I placed them on his arms, like a form of support to allow myself to stay upright. After a while, I snaked my hands around his neck in order to deepen the kiss, the warmth of his lips colliding against mine sending shocks all around my body - the moment didn’t feel real at all. It was as if this entire time of me knowing of him, interacting with him, being in his presence, I had attempted to avoid myself catching feelings, not getting myself engraved in a situation with another musician, but due to my mind forcing such a hindrance, it became an inevitability - I caught feelings for Damon Albarn.

As we pulled away to catch our breaths, Damon leaned back, sneaking his arms around my waist as he looked down on me. “You liked that.”

“Shut up.”

“Can’t wait for Liam to find out about this.” he grinned, playing with strands of my hair as I glared at him. I knew he was aware of the glare I was giving him, because he seemingly began to grin even wider.

“He won’t, because you’re not going to tell him.” I replied bluntly, placing my hands on his chest as I began to draw little circles over his shirt. It felt so surreal, yet so normal - there was a certain amenity shared between us proving that what was felt in the past was indeed real, and indeed reciprocated.

“Always knew you’d give in one day.” he mumbled, a devilish grin painted on his lips.

“Really?” I scoffed. “Even when the tabloids were convinced me and Gallagher were an item?” I asked, staring straight into his eyes. I noticed him frown slightly after the question left my mouth, my lips attempting to form into a smile as I broke off his smug persona.

“Well it looks like you’ve left Liam to be with me.” he grinned, our eyes connecting once again. I took his hand away from my hair to interlace it with mine, holding it close to my chest for Damon to be able to feel my heartbeat. Even though anybody could have opened their trailer door and witnessed us in such an affectionate state, none of that seemingly mattered to either one of us. Everything that had occurred between me and Damon felt so perfect, to the point that I would want somebody to come and witness the true beauty of this moment. There was a strong feeling in my chest that I wanted him to feel, to understand, that what was occurring between us truly meant something, and wasn’t just a silly little play to mess with my feelings.

“Liam’s not that bad you know.”

“I’m just joking, love, don’t worry.” he mumbled, bringing our interlaced hands to his face to allow him to kiss the back of my hand. “You wanna go get something to eat before you head on?”

“Sure, I’d love to.” I said, forcing us to detach our bodies from our embrace and walk over to one of the food stalls, hand in hand.

[leo-interactive-fiction]

Something else I haven't seen before. What would the MC's parent from each background think of the ROs? Who would they approve of and who wouldn't they? I guess in the case of orphan MC, what would E's parents think? Since they kinda maybe vaguely adopted orphan MC?

Hmm, interesting! Since I did the opposite, I should have seen this one coming haha

-----------------------

Storm's comments:

E: "Rose has had that expectation for some time. This is preferable to the alternative. I know you will be in good hands. Rose raised them well."

R: Your father doesn't mince his words, a clear disdain evident, "Valleford. See that you don't take after your father, or there will be less than pleasantries next time we meet."

L: "Scio. I assume your father...?" Storm's lips pull in a small frown as L gives a small nod of confirmation, "I understand if you cannot forgive me. Your father is a significant asset to the Hospian war effort. If I find him, I will kill him."

V: "You've seen enough at your age," Storm says quietly, looking into the hollow glint in V's eyes, "I'm sorry. Those were battles that should have ended with my generation, not yours."

P: Storm's brow furrows as he makes a cordial greeting, "I assume your father is well? He does not speak of his second child often, but you seem more spirited than the other. That will make the greater difference when it matters."

M: Storm's brow furrows as he makes a cordial greeting, though there's little sentimentality in his voice, "I assume your father is well? He expresses confidence in your upbringing, but I can't say I share the sentiment. You lack something fundamental. Something to drive you to achieve more than what's expected of you."

Ra: Storm's eyes lock onto Raven with a harsh intensity, "Your eyes are filled with blood and you conceal weapons. Tell me your intentions or I will kill you right now."

S: "I admit I am unfamiliar with Orden. The conflict never reached that country, but I understand there are many hardships there already," Storm says, looking the brightly grinning student up and down before his lips pull back in small contentment, "You come out better than most. You have impressive strength."

F: Storm holds a frown as he takes in the vivid green hair, "Many allowed Frenza to claim their distance due to their significant contribution to Triaina's independence, but it doesn't absolve you of everything," he says in warning, "Don't step over the boundaries you've been afforded, or the military will have no choice but to respond."

------------------------------

Scurra's dialogue:

E: Scurra makes a grimace as he recognizes E, "Damnit, you've gone and done it now," he grumbles as he pulls out his wallet and hands a fold of bills to E, "Give that to your mom, will you? She's worse than a debt collector with bets..."

R: "Valleford! There's a name I haven't heard in a while. I knew they had a black sheep in the family, but I guess they couldn't take away the infamous good looks," Scurra chuckles, his eyes lightening reminiscently, "They've put me in a good bit of trouble on more than one occasion. I guess I should consider it a family curse now that MC is involved with you."

L: "Oh, I know those eyes," Scurra says wistfully, "Coming to find the world is a bigger place than you imagined, aren't you? It's even more expansive than that, too. I had that same look when I traveled overseas. I hope MC is being a good guide for you," he looks to you, and gives a knowing wink.

V: Scurra gives a meandering hum as he looks at V, "I've been all around, but I've only seen natural hair color like that a handful of times. They all had your same stare, too." He closes his eyes thoughtfully, "None as young as you though. I hope you're the last I have to see with those eyes. They're a bad omen."

P: "A fiery one, aren't you! Has no one ever told you not to say bad words in public?" Scurra laughs, "You should stop while you can. You're so transparent with your feelings that I almost mistook you for a window, so there's no point to pulling a tough act."

M: A small, genuine smile rises on Scurra's lips as he inspects M, "How interesting. You're so similar to your twin, but you're definitely the better actor. As I think about it, you remind me of MC's mother in many ways..."

Ra: "What are you doing here?" Scurra frowns, staring harshly at Raven. A silence passes and eventually he looks away, messaging his jaw, "Oops, guess I was mistaken. You looked a little like someone I know."

S: "You've got Orden written all over you, don't you?" Scurra says cheerily, "It's been a while since I've visited, but I have to say it gave me the most enjoyment. You all certainly know how to keep it lively."

F: "Your family has always been so hauty!" Scurra covers his mouth to suppress a chuckle, "But I think it would be a mistake to talk down to everyone you meet. I happen to be on great terms with your mother. If I took the opportunity, you two would have been siblings!"

------------------------

Xero's insight:

E: He smiles warmly to E, "It's good to see you again. I'm afraid there was little I could do for you: your mother has already found out about your relationship. I expect she'll make it as embarrassing for you as possible, if I know her well. I hope you're mentally prepared."

R: Xero studies R with a faint curiosity, "I'm afraid your father and I are on less than speaking terms due to some...past difficulties, but I understand you are more than simply your father's child. You may be villianized for your differing viewpoint, but aren't we all? I don't find it is so bad," Xero gives R a knowing small."

L: Xero's eyes widen upon seeing L, then falls into a soft smile, "To think history would repeat so aptly. To see you two now reminds me of my own school days," Xero closes his eyes and releases a light sigh, the smile still present, "I pray you'll also find the same happiness I did, and that it lasts longer."

V: Xero's grip tightens on an file in his hands as he sees V, his voice meticulous, "You are...Wolfe, correct? I'll admit the what I've heard and read of you is...less than appealing, but," he casts his gaze between you and the ex-Jagd member, a faint smile growing on his lips as V steps cautiously between you. "You seem to have a strong sense of duty. I hope you will be a good pillar for MC."

P: He looks disaprovingly, "In my field, words are paired with intention. To speak is to lay bare your thoughts. Why would you neglect your intent by forcing a negative connotation where it doesn't belong?"

M: He seems slightly more on edge than with P, "I don't believe I should offer my approval to someone unwilling to determine a focus. It's a testament to your negligence."

Ra: Xero crosses their arms, his face skeptical,"Marriage? Your lack of detailed forethought and hyperfixation gives me the impression of an unhealthy mind. As it stands now, I will refuse to give you my blessing."

S: "I'm afraid I'm ignorant to everything Orden related," Xero says sheepishly, "I am happy to learn all that I can, though. Perhaps you would like to bring your family at some point? I would be happy to host them here." Xero smiles warmly, clearly unknowing of the chaotic rabblerousing he's invited into his home.

F: "Ah, the royal line," Xero says in recognition of F, "Your own mother was a classmate of mine as well. To think one of her children would grow so closely with mine. Please give her my regards, would you? She has always kept herself closer than others, so I was happy when she took an interest in my friend. He's a lucky man."

---------------------

Mr. Razor's thoughts (if he was alive)

E: He bows his head gratefully, "Thank you for taking care of MC all this time. Your selflessness has saved me a lot of worry, and I doubt I'll have any more leaving them in your hands."

R: Razor's eyes bore a hole through R, "To defy your father was a considerable risk. And not knowing what the academy had planned for you, you still allowed yourself to be incarcerated for an indeterminate amount of time," Razor taps his fingers to his chin, a smile spreading over his lips, "I enjoy those that stick to their principles, but what say we work on your jailbreaking?"

L: "Your father's quite an important man. He's lucky I was never contracted to kill him," Razor says matter-of-factly. A chilling air of silence deafens the room until Razor holds up his palms, "Just kidding. I've never killed anyone. They all died mysteriously."

V: "How's Jagd doing?" Razor narrows his eyes keenly on V, "I'm surprised they were able to bounce back after what I did to them. I guess they filled the empty spaces with whoever was able...or moldable."

P: Razor smiles sadly, "It must be difficult to be given another person's expectations and do well with them. You're like a fish trying to climb a tree. But I enjoy how far up you've climbed despite that. Would you like a reward? I know, how about...your father's weakness?"

M: Razor seems disinterested, "You're not worth the words, Crater. You're nothing more than what your father made you to be: a simple shadow to live vicariously through."

Ra: Razor's eyes have an approving glint, "The one that slipped through the cracks. How very odd. MC's mother was quite odd too. It's an endearing quality, isn't it? Yes, I think you'll make a perfect companion for MC. You've already been looking over them all this time, haven't you?"

S: "Earnestness is one of the first qualities people tend to throw away when faced with hardship. It is impressive to see how you've progressed through your poverty and discrimination so aptly. Perhaps you have a hope that things will get better?" Razor's mouth spreads in a wicked smile, "I do enjoy seeing how people struggle for such a small glimmer of light. I think I'll offer my aid."

F: "Ah, it's always cute to see people play at royalty," Razor smiles at F's exasperated face, "Why do you seem so angry? Do you actually believe your position has meaning? I'll assure you it doesn't," Razor casts a darkening stare towards the royal, "To me, you're no harder to kill than a beggar on the street. The power you attempt to flaunt means nothing, because in the end it does nothing to elevate you beyond a simple street urchin."

----------------------

End

Thank ya for the ask!

[saladejin]

Admire | 07

Seokjin x Fem!Reader | arranged marriage!au, husband!Seokjin | Strangers to lovers, angst, self discovery, loneliness in luxury, touch starvation (eventual smut), eventual domestic fluff

Summary: You’d never needed anyone else. Growing up alone, living alone, existing alone. It all came naturally and effortlessly, quite like breathing. That was until your somewhat distant parents finally decided it was time to make good on a promise. One they’d made before you were even born.

Warnings: Things are getting a lil saucier

Word Count: 5k

A/N: Whew, finally we’re up to date. I FINALLY got around to re-editing and revamping this latest chapter, but once again I’m sorry for the delay on it. Now I can start focusing on my wips :))

<< masterlist

»»————- <<prev | next >> ————-««  

The driver bid you both a chaste farewell and soon you were making your way up to house both of you had grown used to sharing. These days, it was simply your safe space, a place you’d slowly begun to warm up to, where you could live and work peacefully in the unimposing presence of your husband, who worked equally as hard for his family.

This was your place to finally belong, the stupidly large mansion that could house ten more of you plus your family with ease, but alas it was still your mansion.

Our … mansion. 

You couldn’t recall the moment where you’d begun to think of it as a home rather than a house. In your mind, it wasn’t really the house itself, but rather the people who lived there that made it a place you could truly call home.

You looked over to Seokjin and suppressed a sigh of built up emotion. The man was currently bringing most of the bags inside without a hitch, making use of his broad shoulders and hauling weight as if he weren’t wielding enough hierarchical power to get it brought in for him by the driver. Watching the scene only reminded you of how much had changed during your time away. 

For one, Seokjin had shocked you with how easily he’d adapted to the different atmosphere and routine. There were no complaints from him about accommodation, food, or even the over-the-top rowdiness and friendliness of the company. He’d taken it all on board with a curiosity you honestly found adorable, and even adopted some of the various mannerisms. Watching him carrying all the luggage inside was just an example of his new way of living, one you chose to call ‘like a normal person’.

You were also growing closer somehow. The usually stoic man had opened up significantly, and you were discovering new things about him just as quickly as he discovered them himself. For instance, he found an enjoyment for cooking after helping some of the uncles with their traditional barbeque, he’d shown interest in acquiring a guitar for himself as soon as he could, and he was becoming more talkative as he began relaxing his hold on the professional barrier between you.

It was as if he was finally allowing himself to live the kind of life he always wanted. No luxurious parties, no expectations, no having to save face with every public outing. You were a messy mixture of nerves, uneasiness, and excitement at the prospect of getting to know Seokjin for who he was.

He had to discover who he was first, though.

“Dinner will be delivered soon.” His voice filtered out from the kitchen area distantly, and only then you realised you’d been standing in the front entrance in a daze. Lost in your thoughts like a fool. Even so, it was hard to miss the odd note hidden deep within his tired voice.

“Why do you sound disappointed? Is it not what you wanted?” you queried while leaving your bags at the front door for someone to collect later. You made your way into the living room with probing eyes, trying to find where his voice was coming from before spotting his black mop of hair scattered on the back of the lounge.

He didn’t respond at first, only met your gaze with his own investigative ones. You sat down heavily on the other lounge with a sharp exhale. Seokjin drummed his fingers against the leather while lifting one leg to cross over the other elegantly, and you knew he was just trying to avoid talking about what was on his mind.

“You can tell me, you know.” You rolled your eyes at his silence.

He ran both hands through his hair roughly and you almost felt breathless at how messy he’d made himself, like he’d just rolled out of bed. Considering you were both still in your casual clothing from the road trip, it was a sight that made your whole body tingle with a fondness you couldn’t explain. You were just beginning to see more of his hidden personality, and that made you happy in some indescribable way.

“I don’t know, I was hoping to actually try and cook something for once. Like hyung was telling me…”

“Oh? there’s that word again,” you chuckled, trying to ignore the happy swell in your chest after hearing that he wanted to try cooking the same things from a few nights ago, “and you can get the grill out tomorrow night if you want.”

“Hmm, I’ll see how I feel. Anyway, what word?” he asked while sitting back and continuing to run his hand through his hair lazily, expression puzzled. You felt so annoyed at the longing you felt to be the one doing it for him. You had been wondering what his silky looking tresses had felt like for the longest time.

“Is it ‘hyung’?” You smiled in embarrassment, mouthing out the word carefully to try and pronounce it in an acceptable manner at least, though you could never hope to sound fluent right off the bat. Seokjin’s eyes fell to you as the word left your lips, the small lifting of his cheeks being the only hint that he was trying to suppress his amusement. The way his cocoa coloured eyes sparkled at the sound of his native tongue made your heart squirm.

“It’s a good attempt, but no it’s pronounced more like ‘hyeong’. Try it.”

“Hyung.”

“Yeah, that’s … better.”

You hid your grin with the back of your hand, eyebrows shooting up at his unsure sounding feedback. He even managed to crack a tiny smirk of his own, his full lips making him look even more model-like under the soft lighting of your living room.

“Hey, how am I meant to get it perfect straight away? Besides, I forgot what it means already,” you huffed, and brought your legs to tuck comfortably underneath you.

“It’s just a term we use to refer to older males,” he explained, letting his head fall back against the seat slowly. Seeing his eyes fluttering to a close made you wonder how tired he must’ve been feeling. After spending so much time interacting with strangers, and driving, and pretending to be your husband, you supposed.

The jarring noise of the doorbell brought you to your feet, and you went to collect your dinner from the front door as Seokjin gave a quiet nod.

Now that he’s brought it up, I think I’d prefer a home cooked meal too.

“So, am I meant to call you ‘hyung’?” You laughed inwardly while making your way back to him. You were excited to learn more about him now that he was opening up and unfurling in front of your eyes.

He had to purse his lips slightly to avoid smiling again. “No, and please don’t. It would feel way too odd to hear that from you.”

“Oh.” Your heart cracked a little, thinking of course he wouldn’t want his foreign partner to try and so poorly imitate something such as his native language, something he considered close to his heart and home. “Ah, sorry. I didn’t think-”

“It’s okay, it’s just that Korean women don’t use ‘hyung’. If you are female and want to refer to an older male, or partner…” He seemed to hesitate, as if rethinking his decision to elaborate on the subject at all. “Then you can call m- you can use ‘oppa’.”

You swallowed a mouthful of steak before attempting to copy him. “Oppa?”

Seokjin blinked before giving you a tiny nod. Not a single second passed before he was focusing back on his food, the conversation apparently hitting a weird place for him.

“I don’t have to go around calling you that. It’s not like I’m trying to adopt another culture,” you clarified for him, noting how his shoulders seemed to relax at your gentle tone. “I only want to understand you better, Seokjin.”

His hands faltered in their movements to cut the tender steak on his plate. You didn’t catch any change in his expression, as expected, but his eyes gleamed with something you could only describe as appreciation. A few months ago, neither of you probably thought you’d end up sharing your ethnic differences with one another over dinner like this.

The house had always been so silent with just the two of you, and your mind kept thinking back to your old home where there were always maids, cooks and butlers milling about. It struck you as a little peculiar, so you decided to ask.

“Sorry to change the subject, but why is it that your mother requested there to be no live-in staff here?”

Seokjin continued to eat slowly but looked up with a thoughtful gleam in his eye. “I was confused too, but she always brushed it off. Something about family traditions requiring minimal interferences? I didn’t really get it since I’d never heard of said ‘tradition’, but I never really understood her methods anyway.”

Oh…

Your face burned as you understood what he was saying. It was almost laughable, how oblivious he was to his mother’s implications. The thought probably never crossed his mind that she could be referring to the two of you having sexual relations in some way. Well, why should the thought cross his mind?

This was never meant to be anything more than a fake relationship, an array of masks worn only to fool them into believing it was true. It was easy to understand why his mother would think accordingly. You had been trying to trick her, but perhaps you’d been just a little too convincing.

“Yeah, weird huh?” You cleared your throat, offering to take up his dish as you both finished off the meals. The case of the understaffing was forgotten as you moved back to where your husband was half sprawled on the couch, but now the quiet hum of the television accompanied the room and you were thankful to have something filling the silence. Even if it was something was simple as slightly muffled voices from the people on the big screen.

You plonked back down on the leather and felt relaxation crawl up your spine in the best way. You were slowly beginning to believe that there was almost nothing better than this. Spending a night at home with someone you cared about, watching a movie or TV show, nice and warm and comfortable.

You briefly registered that in your current position, Seokjin’s arm that’d been outstretched along the back of the seat now rested just behind your neck. You thought nothing of it, knowing he sure as hell wouldn’t, but let your imagination take the reins at all the possibilities presenting themselves.

Imagining a smile tugging at his lips as he brought his arm down to drape across your shoulders. His warm hand as it cupped your jaw, a gentle thumb drawing tiny circles into the flushing skin along your cheekbone. You imagined the feeling of your smaller hand travelling up the hardened expanse of his clothed chest, feeling the lean muscle and taut ridges underneath the flimsy barrier separating skin from skin.

You felt your face flush further in surprise when your daydream was snapped away into thin air, the cushion underneath you squeaking as he suddenly moved from his slumped position.

“I’m about ready to call it a night. The driving must’ve taken more out of me than I thought,” he said while sporting a grunt of effort, his face wincing at the pop of his joints once he stretched his long legs out. As he brought his arm inwards to follow suit, you felt the slightest brush of his fingers graze your neck. The small shudder that racked your body from the sensation was instantaneous, and you knew that your shameless imagination from earlier had made the cravings for his touch worse.

Unintentionally, your body shifted to try and follow his hand before you managed to will yourself into a stiff, unmoving statue.

Shit, what was that?

You closed your eyes and blew out your cheeks in annoyance, directed at nobody but yourself. Was it really all becoming too much for you the handle at this point? When had you become so … pathetic and needy? This wasn’t like you at all.

It was only then you realised Seokjin hadn’t moved since your loss of inhibitions. You wrenched your eyes open and glanced over to him, knowing full well that his observant gaze had seen the entire display from beginning to end. Oh God no!

“(Y/n), I’ve been thinking,” came Seokjin’s voice through the robotic sounding laughs emitting from the speakers of the television. He was holding his arm awkwardly in the air just above his own lap, as if it had been electrocuted and was no longer capable of moving.

“About what? Oh, when is our next event? I forgot to ask you earlier,” you uttered faintly, trying to cover up your reddening face with one hand. There was no way he was going to let what happened slide, you knew just by seeing the pointed look in his curious dark eyes. He lowered his arm and kept his eyes fixated on your jittery form.

“Not for ages, but anyway that’s not what I was thinking about,” he said with a lazy mumble to his voice that was honestly just a little too low, teetering on seductive but obviously unintentional.

You mentally implored him to forget your stupid reactions. It was getting out of hand and you were already trying your best to rein yourself in.

“Oh?” You raised a brow, waiting for the inevitable questioning that was surely coming your way.

In all honesty, you just wanted to go shower and sleep for the next week. During the trip you’d had so many restless nights, being too caught up on the whole sharing a bed situation. It got better as time went on, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren’t meant to be there in between the sheets with him. Every time, you held yourself back from the urge to touch him and shuffle closer to his side.

Rein it in. Rein-

Seokjin finally parted his lips in to respond, “It’s just that I can’t help noticing how you get lost in your thoughts lately, along with all the other odd reactions. You keep getting this look on your face, like you’re longing for something, and I can’t help but think back to what you were saying at Taehyung’s party.”

Okay, well this was a bit more than you expected. You felt shivers of humiliation travelling up your skin at the thought of him noticing your fantasizing, of all things. Were you really becoming that obvious even in a state of subconscious? Damn, things were really worse than you thought.

“What? At Tae’s party?” you murmured, trying to awkwardly laugh it off in the process. How did he manage to call you out like that with the straightest of faces? It was almost unfair that he could be so serious and not become affected by these things.

“Yeah,” Seokjin continued. “How you said you craved human touch all the time because the way you grew up left you wanting. I realised during the trip, how content you looked when you were receiving affection from your family members … and me.”

You snapped your eyes up to him, looking to see if his expression would give anything away about what he was thinking even though you knew it was futile. To your shock, his face actually wasn’t the same blank slate you were used to seeing when he pondered. For the first time, you saw him show slight apprehension as he nibbled on his plush bottom lip.

‘And me’ he’d said. You were suddenly thrown back to that one night in the motorhome, which honestly seemed like a mere fever dream, where he’d run his hands along your body and held you close for the first time. That first night you had shared the same bed, and all the dams had broken within you.

It was the night I opened up to him, and maybe that was when he decided to do the same.

“So, I want-”

He cut himself off and sat forward, looking so bewildered and lost that you were beginning to grow concerned. At the recollection of all these memories, you were already feeling vulnerable and ashamed. His vagueness was not helping you keep your shit together.

“I want you to show me what you mean. What are you asking for when you say those things?” He finished by clasping his hands together and looking up at you as hopefully as he could, which was minimal for him. You couldn’t really believe your ears at this point.

“Show you?” you repeated in disbelief. “H-how?”

“Show me what you need,” he rephrased, straightening his back slightly and fiddling with his fingers.

It was a cute little habit you’d never seen before, but your brain could barely register that when you were already reeling from what he was saying. He was close enough that you could catch the scent of his faint cologne, and it was making your head spin faster and faster. The quiet sound of the television faded out as you focused on his beautiful eyes right in front of you.

“You want me to touch you?” You tilted your head, feeling like you were having an out-of-body experience when he nodded to confirm your suspicions.

“If that’s what you want.”

It was strange, not knowing whether to feel happy or whether to feel humiliated, or relieved, or even saddened; all because of your neediness that he’d seen way too many times.

“Okay.”

Your shoulders sagged in a strange sense of defeat. This whole impasse had been your weakness from the start, and now it was finally coming to light. You were ready to help him understand things from your point of view, and maybe he would start to see why you’d been acting this way.

He’d grown up in a similar environment, even despite some stark differences. Why couldn’t there be just a small chance that he might relate somehow?

“What do you feel when you get close to another person?” you asked softly, untangling your feet from under each other and resting them squarely on the ground in front of you. It was intimidating to look up at his looming figure this boldly, yet being so close to his body heat only seemed to put you more at ease.

You wanted to fall into him and have him cradle you in his arms, but you knew that if you were going to show him the right way, you needed to take it slow.  

“I don’t feel so different. It doesn’t happen often, actually,” he mused while keeping his eyes focused on you. “When I see my mother at galas or balls, I suppose it just feels like I want to get away.”

You stifled a chuckle at the thought of his mother’s smothering putting him off. It was like that for so many kids out there, but you couldn’t share that feeling when it was lucky for you to even see your mother once in a while. Seokjin’s tensed frame seem to falter slightly when you knowingly smiled up at him. Gone was the shyness, the tiptoeing, the never-ending feeling of restraint.

This was your husband in front of you, and now he was asking you to touch him.

“That’s understandable Seokjin, but I mean in other instances where it’s perhaps more welcomed, or even instigated mainly by you. Say, you see your brother after a long time, so you hug him. Yes?”

The man’s black hair bounced slightly as he nodded. You hadn’t made any moves to be closer to him yet, and you could sense his confusion, but truly it was best to go gradual for him to understand. Rather than you just throwing yourself at him in a barrage of limbs.

“How does that make you feel, compared to how you feel normally?” you tried again, your eyes wide with a curiosity that probably burned even brighter than his. A month or so ago, you never would’ve thought you’d be having such a close and intimate conversation about his relationships.

Clearly, the road trip had not only changed you both in multiple ways, but it had also changed the very dynamic tying you together. The foundations of your relationship, and what it meant to each of you. The man sitting before you now was nothing but a far cry from the man you’d once faced at the altar. As foolish as it was, you could not be prouder of him.

“I suppose I was taught to just do it in certain situations. I never thought about how it made me feel,” he offered in a low voice, brows furrowing as he tried thinking about how he could be more helpful. The slight pout to his pinkish lips had your heart beating erratically.

“Seokjin, do you care about me?” you asked, and time drew to a stop.

This was the kind of question you told yourself you would never ask him. It was almost impossible to answer considering your circumstances, and the owlish look in his eyes told you that you were right in thinking so.

“Yes.”

Your world resumed spinning, but the silence continued. Honestly, you didn’t think you would have kept it together if he’d answered no. You loved him, that much you were sure of, but before the holiday you had been confused about whether you cared for the man so strongly out of your pure desire for close friendship and companionship. You weren’t dense though. These feelings were far more than that, and you were an idiot for entertaining them.

You stared into each other’s eyes, trying to read foreign minds and figure out what it all meant. He cared about you, and you cared about him. That much was a given, but the true depth of that fact remained a constant unknown. He exhaled sharply, almost as if he couldn’t really believe he’d answered so sincerely. So quickly.

“I didn’t think I would, but since the beginning you’ve turned out to be quite different than who I thought I’d be married to. My life … changed, but it was seamless and easy compared to the complicated mess I thought I was going to have to deal with,” he explained with sad eyes. His gaze had been trained on the floor since he’d given you ‘yes’ as an answer.

You shifted closer and brought one hand up to lift his lowered jaw, angling it to face you so you could see his inquisitive eyes once more. His large hands remained clenched in his lap, unsure of what to do at this point.

“Seokjin I care about you too, so you don’t have to feel like you’re on your own here.” You laughed quietly, noticing his shoulders relax as you moved your hand up to rest on the side of his face. Your fingertips buried themselves into the shorter strands of his hair.

If only he knew the true extent of my feelings.

You cleared your throat, trying to push away the intrusive thoughts before they took over, and switched your teacher mode on quickly. “This is a … type of contact that you can kind of do anytime, and you can even play with the person’s hair, or just kind of massaging gently.”

You demonstrated by slowly bringing your hands up to run through his marvelous black locks, lips parting in amazement at the feeling of his soft hair you’d always imagined combing back with your fingers. Your other hand shaped itself to his face as you tried your best to stop yourself from leaning any further forward.

You couldn’t kiss him like this just yet. Not when it would actually mean something to him, for the first time.

“Why do you say ‘the person’s’? You know I wouldn’t have the nerve to try this with anyone else, right?” He murmured unexpectedly; his eyes somewhat nervous at what you were implying. You were quick to push your surprise away and nodded, because it was the only response you could think of.

He took a small but deep breath to regain himself, letting his stoic persona continue to melt underneath your touch. “May I?” he asked in a soft voice, and once again all you could do was nod your head.

He brought one of his hands up hesitantly and you couldn’t help a small fond smile at the way he was concentrating so intently on the movement. As soon as his hand made contact with the skin of your cheek, you couldn’t stop yourself from leaning into it. He watched in wonder as your eyes fluttered shut, his other hand now carding itself through your slightly messy hair.

If you’d been a cat, you were certain a distinct sound of purring would emanate from your throat.

He smoothed all your hair back until it was no longer ruffled, and then brought both hands back to cradle your face once more. You didn’t realise you’d been leaning forward and running your hands up his chest until the moment you reached his shirt collar, and your eyes zeroed in on the expanse of his neck just long enough to see his Adam’s apple bob up and down in a hard swallow.

“Um, now you can touch a bit lower if you want. Or just hold my hands if you’re more comfortable with that,” you breathed, trying to bring your thoughts to a focal point while removing your hands from him sharply. He looked so picturesque up this close. You just wanted to stay in this position for hours upon hours.

“Like this?” He voiced hoarsely. You tried to keep your breathing normal as one of his hands fell down to encompass yours, but the other traced the line of your jaw before gliding downwards and brushing against the tender skin of your neck. Just has he had in the beginning before all of this had started.

“Yeah.”

You almost whimpered at the tingling sensation, but kept it in for the sake of the exercise. This man was absolutely dangerous for your wellbeing. It wasn’t even his actions at this point, just his undivided attention and careful eyes tracing over the curve of your figure that had your insides turning to jelly.

“That’s probably enough for now. I can hear your brain working,” you spoke and let out an airy laugh when his fingers hesitated in their descent. It was as if he was trying to compute too much information at once, and somehow, the way he was trying his best was oddly charming.

He grunted. “I’m just- I’m trying to understand you.”

“I know, and I appreciate it,” you responded with a genuine smile, noticing how his words mirrored your own from earlier back when you’d butchered his native tongue. “Now I don’t know about you, but I’m so exhausted I could pass out.”

“Yeah, now I’m really calling it a night.” He cleared his throat with a sigh, mind clearly burning out from the overload of new experiences.

He stood from the couch so suddenly, a stiffness taking hold of his movements. Just what was going through his head at a time like this? You missed his close proximity almost immediately.

Like a robot programmed to move, you also heaved your body up from where it was beginning to sink into the cushions. This whole turn of events seemed unreal, and you could feel your heart still throbbing in your chest at the feeling of Seokjin underneath your fingertips. He had been so warm and had looked so beautiful.

You ran your fingers through your hair as the silence permeated the air, the only sounds being your husband's gentle footsteps as he packed away a few things around the house. You gathered your own bags from the front door and sluggishly traipsed towards your bedroom at the opposite end of the hallway.

I don't want to be on my own.

The invasive thought made you take a few shaky steps back. You were ready to put everything at risk and confess to him how lonely and in love you were, yet to your surprise the sound of his voice softly calling your name made you falter in your tracks.

You stood in the doorway looking outwards as he loitered in front of his own bedroom door at the opposite end, one large hand resting on the doorknob as if he'd been hesitating to open it.

"Did you hear me?"

You relaxed your stance, a sudden embarrassment beginning to settle in at how eager your movements were. "Yeah? What is it?"

Please let me stay with you. Please let me-

"Isn't it - doesn't it seem strange?" He seemed to inwardly backpedal all of a sudden, his pretty eyes falling to the floor and his slightly down-turned nose twitched in regret. "I mean, sorry if this is weird, but after sharing a bed for the entire road trip, doesn't it feel strange to suddenly go back to our own rooms?"

“Ah.” You somehow managed to suppress a hefty sigh of relief, pure ecstasy shooting through your body like some special brand of heroin. You tried to bump up his courage with a reassuring smile. "Jin yes, I still want to spend the night with you."

His eyes rose from the floor as the burden lifted from his mind, shoulders seeming to shake free the stiffness that had taken hold of them ever since the couch fiasco.

"I'm glad. Come over here then."

Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.

[rainbowsky]

Another delicate thing about fake ships. (I'm not talking about our YiZhan. They are real. For better or worse certain (dangerous) evidence have reached public eyes. We all know it, many have seen it). But certain ppl new to c dramas might not know that actor CP is just part of the show. I didn't know when I started. Then those people invest a lot of time $ and emotion into that CP believing it's real. And get the rug pulled from under. It's unfair to those naive ppl and it harms certain ppl. Like it or not some get really invested. To hurt them is cruel and triggering. It can feel like rejection and I really wish actors wouldn't partake in this. To profit off ppl's beliefs is cruel. Again. NOT yizhan, two men in a very real situation.

These are in reference to a previous post. More under cut.

Discussion of fake ships, fandom rivalries and insecurities around whether BJYXSZD.

Anonymous asked:

Semi agree that I don't follow other CP. but when others do fake cp and claim "evidence" even when it is flimsy. It makes me question myself and I hate that. There's so much hard evidence for xz and web. When others have "evidence" too and it seems so forced and fake, not to mention copied from yizhan, idk it makes me feel bad. Like maybe we're all crazy. I wish other dramas didn't do that. Be real. Don't fake it. The other men have gf's. It's just derivative and I think that's why ppl get offended. Web and xz seem serious about their life together and for others to profit of their realness... It just makes me question it. If we have evidence and those fans truly believe they do too... Either we are all right, or maybe we are all wrong. And I hate to deny web and xz. So it's hurtful. I hope someone can understand my feelings.

Sorry for the grouping of messages but I don't want to give this too much airtime because it can lead to hurt feelings from people who support other ships, and because this isn't what my blog is about. It's about GG and DD.

I try not to judge anyone harshly when it comes to fan service and CP marketing. It's a cutthroat industry and I think we can all see that. But I feel that making a CP seem real just to profit off of people for a while and then breaking their hearts... it's not something I personally feel comfortable with. It strikes me as unnecessarily cruel.

However, we don't know what's in people's contracts so we should be careful about judging anyone or being nasty. In the end people are just doing their jobs, whether we like it or not. And some fans enjoy it. Live and let live.

As for other actors being 'derivative' of GGDD, I completely disagree. It's not like GG and DD invented the CP. The whole concept was there long before them, and will likely be there long after. Even in cases where there were similarities to what GG and DD did, I don't think it's something to get worked up about. We don't own GG and DD's interactions as some sort of IP we need to protect.

I said this back when people were fan fighting over the BL CPs, that it's ridiculous and awful to fight over something like this. We should all be on the same side. BL stories are not easy to create or air in China - we all know that more now than we did back then - and the more BL stories that get aired, the better for everyone. The better for the market, the better for fans, the better for queer people too.

History has shown that cultural shifts can lead to legislative shifts. As queer stories become more mainstream, the demand for rights - and the public's appetite for seeing those rights observed - becomes stronger, and positive change happens. It is, in fact, likely a big part of why these types of stories are being cracked down on. Some people don't want that change.

If we care about these issues we would do well to support all BL projects and everyone who is willing to stick their neck out and make those projects happen, not just our particular biases.

Not only that, but fan wars are harmful to GG and DD, harmful to any celebrity whose fans are 'out of control'. I have been preaching this for a couple of years now, but here we are in 2021 and what have we seen? Artists being cracked down on for the behavior of their fans. Rules coming out to clearly state this, hinting at harsh penalties.

So please, people - take it to heart. There is no war that you don't CHOOSE to create. This isn't a competition. There is room for everyone to have fun, be happy and enjoy their fandoms in whatever way they choose.

Everyone has the right to their perspective. I said this the other day. No one is obligated to believe BJYXSZD, and similarly, no one is obligated to disagree or debunk. If people are enjoying their CP, that's their right. Let's not get smug and dickish about things. We aren't in competition.

One other thing I want to add: We should be willing to question ourselves, question our evidence and re-evaluate things from time to time. It's just part of being a rational human. Insecurity about what is 'real' and what isn't - all of this is pointless and IMNSHO, unhealthy.

Bad feelings should never make us into bad people. Bad feelings should never make us do or say bad things.

Insecurity is understandable at times. We're all human. But I urge fans to try not to take everything so personally, and to not get our identities as human beings wrapped up in whether BJYXSZD.

Whether GG or DD are real or not - this doesn't make me crazy or stupid or naive. I believe based on the evidence I have. If I turn out to be wrong about it - ME, who has this blog and spends an enormous amount of time on GGDD - if it turns out to all be wrong, my life won't shatter. I won't curl up in an embarrassed ball and die.

I get a hell of a lot of enjoyment out of this fandom. That enjoyment is real. My love for GGDD is real. I am a person in the world. I don't live and die over whether BJYXSZD. Neither should any of you.

My love for GGDD doesn't come from them, it comes from me. It's not about them, it's about me. It's about my heart and my appetite for sweetness and connection. It's about my politics and what I stand for and support. It's about everything inside me.

If their relationship was proved to be fake, or if it was to end, that wouldn't change a thing for me. I would still be the same person with the same heart. I would still have the same values and drives. I might be sad, of course, or even hurt a bit depending on the circumstances, but it wouldn't change who I am or what I'm about.

I will never be ashamed of loving someone. I will never be ashamed of sharing my heart or letting something touch my heart.

I won't be taking any more asks on this subject unless they bring a substantially fresh perspective that hasn't already been expressed. I apologize in advance if you send me something that I don't reply to/post. This is just a boundary I have with asks like this.

[fyeah-bangtan7]

j-hope: “I’m not the kind of person to settle for their life as it is”

j-hope himself hasn’t changed since the days before his debut. The way he treats others, the way he feels about BTS, his passion for dancing—they haven’t gone anywhere; only their breadth has changed, along with the breadth of his deeply-held beliefs, his will, and his dreams.

“Butter” has been a huge sensation in the United States. j-hope: I did work hard preparing for it, but whenever I try to embrace an unintended success, in my mind I’m always like … It’s like half happiness, half a feeling that makes me think seriously about what I accomplished. There’s a sense of responsibility that comes along with such an honorable achievement. ARMY’s done so much to keep us at number one, and I’m incredibly thankful for that. At the same time, I also realized that our names are becoming known to more people in the world of American pop music.

It seems like the bigger the success is, the more things you end up thinking about. j-hope: In the past I would just humbly accept it, and it was something I worked hard for so I was happy to accept it—and that was somewhat immature, I guess, but now it’s different. I’ve been working constantly for over eight years, and it hasn’t been easy to achieve so much in that time. So from now on I’m tacking a question mark onto how I should carry on and maintain things the way they are and what attitude and stance I should have right now. It’s homework I haven’t been able to figure out yet, basically.

What effect do such thoughts have on the way you express yourself as an artist? j-hope: I’m also a performer, and I don’t think I take any performance lightly. Ever since we did “Dynamite,” the number of times I go over my performances after they’re done has gone way up. I felt like I’m responsible for making the dances stand out, so I thought I have to try my very best for that aspect. You don’t want to underdeliver on a performance when that many people are sending out their love to you. Each and every one of the members thinks so, and I think we’ve created an atmosphere for our practices where we are able to see how important these things are. After all, even if we don’t show it to one another, we all know how important it is to practice our performances.

It seems like there must be an atmosphere of understanding in the practice studio. j-hope: We used to have to practice for a long time, again and again, to sync up with each other. We’d practice for around 10 hours, review our performances, take a break and then get right back into it, rest some more and do it again. That was then, but now, after all that experience, each member knows where they need to focus, so we coordinate our dispositions and make intense breakthroughs and do what we need to until it’s just right, and then we take a break we really take a break. Now we don’t even really have to think about it. So it’s like, All right, let’s do everything we have to do quickly so we can hurry up and get some rest. This part doesn’t seem right though? Let’s get through this quickly. That’s how we do it. We’re more efficient about work and practice now.

Did that have an effect on you individually as well? As you think more about your performances, the parts you concentrate on might change. j-hope: The dancing is important, but I think I came to realize just how important the visual aspect is. The reason I change my hairstyle or whatnot so often these days is because I want my appearance to blend naturally with the song. Since I’ve always been a dancer I just kept working hard at the things I could do best. But obviously it’s important not to go overboard with the visuals, so I kept an eye on it and adjusted it for each performance. That’s the most important part.

Your dancing in “Butter” is one thing, but it’s also a performance where you need to demonstrate your character. What were you hoping to show off? j-hope: I wanted to show how much I’ve grown in “Butter.” The style is bold and revolved around well-tailored suits and the whole thing felt sexy. I tried to get that across as much as I could. And I learned a lot from watching the members who are good at expressing that. I took all the different ways I thought of that I could try out and melted them all down together, smooth like butter. (laughs)

What’s going through your mind when you’re performing, especially when the spotlight’s on you? Like when you do that attention-grabbing dance break full of slow movements in “Butter,” or the solo disco dancing you did for the “Dynamite” dance break at MMA 2020. j-hope: My mindset doesn’t change. When the spotlight’s on me, that’s an opportunity for me, in a way. It’s a chance for me to shine among our team and its seven amazing members, so I’m always on the lookout to make good use of such opportunities by doing my best. I shouldn’t turn down what I’ve got coming to me, and show off everything I’ve got to show. ARMY and the general public will be the judges, and if they have something to say about it, I have to accept and correct it, I think. I want to say that I developed my own type of growth for myself by repeatedly correcting and practicing and correcting and practicing. I’ve been dancing a long time, but I always feel like I could be doing more, so I put in the effort and I take pleasure in when I make something that turns out really well.

But, if you look at your “Butter” fancam, you continuously react along with the other members dancing even when you’re not the focus of the main camera. j-hope: I’m not consciously doing it. But these days when I watch overseas awards ceremonies or pop artists’ performances that they’ve shot on video, I feel like they don’t really have any heavily edited parts or quick cuts. They capture the artists’ energy while showing the whole scene, so I’m always thinking about how I never know where or how I’m going to be captured on film. So even when the camera is mainly focusing on Jin, in some cases you can still see me in the back, and so I think setting the mood in the background in order not to interfere with his part is an extremely important part of a good performance.

I thought you were very consistent. When SUGA comes forward to rap toward the end of the song, you keep tossing out little shouts to boost up the mood. j-hope: It’s fun, you know? Doing that. (laughs)

That sounds like a good balance insofar as you can continue to express yourself individually while staying devoted to the group. j-hope: I agree. I think that’s something I always had in the back of my head. But as I’m performing within this big group structure, making sure not to interfere with that comes before anything else.

The “Permission to Dance” performance has a different flavor than “Butter” in that sense. While “Butter” gives each member their moment to shine, “Permission to Dance” seems to place importance on the overall mood of the entire group. I feel like it brings out your personal trait of being bright and hopeful. j-hope: When we got the song, it occurred to me that I could just be myself in this one. There’s no need to act; I can just use the real feeling I get when I’m on stage. That’s also the message the song is aiming for, so I think it came across naturally. Like I’m happy, but also on the verge of tears?

Your dance makes use of sign language. Although it is a dance, it also conveys language, so I imagine there were a lot of things to consider. j-hope: Yes, there were. We’re conveying language even though we don’t use a lot of sign language in our dance moves. So although the song is nice and light overall, even when we were practicing we were saying how we have to make sure the moves are perfectly accurate. We thought we should understand the importance behind sign language to properly convey its significance. So we thought we should do our best to do the moves correctly while at the same time trying to fill the song with enjoyment and positive emotions. We spent quite a lot of time integrating the moves into the dance routine, and so I think we were able to show off our attitude about the performance pretty naturally.

I think your vocals and facial expressions at the start of the second verse of “Permission to Dance” help people intuitively grasp what kind of song it is. It makes me think of what you said in the “ARMY Corner Store” video uploaded to YouTube for your 2021 FESTA celebration of the group’s eighth anniversary—that you’re the “vitamins” for the group. j-hope: And I am. I used that expression because I feel like I consistently, and unchangingly (laughs) give the team good energy. I don’t know if I’m actually the vitamins or not. Looking back, I’ve always tried to give them good energy and keep them in a good mood, and I think it’s safe to say now that I’m one of those people who try hard to keep their group’s energy up. I still get a little embarrassed, though. (laughs) I wouldn’t say that I don’t feel any pressure at all about the label. All seven of us have to act as one for BTS to work, and that’s always on my mind, so it forces me to be careful that I’m not standing out from the rest of them. Because the team functions well when everyone has their own role. And because I always keep that in mind whenever I think, I should do whatever I can do, I’m able to contribute to the team and I think I ended up feeling a little more confident about the things that I found difficult to express in the past.

Was there a push behind that change? j-hope: I felt, and realized, exactly what I needed to do with my own personal identity and energy right after I released my first mixtape. From that point on, I thought that I should express my musical views and things like my energy regularly, but not in any intense way. Before, as time went by and the group really blew up, I think I had let go of a lot of the pressure to express myself. Then I started to feel like I wanted to try expressing myself in my own way, even as the team did well.

When you revealed your depressive side directly in the time from when you put out “Dis-ease” during the pandemic period to “Blue Side” from your mixtape, was that a reflection of that influence as well? j-hope: People’s emotions change every day and so do their feelings and the things they can accept throughout their lives, right? So I think the changing emotions I felt and came to accept as the group grew in popularity is also expressed by the way my songs changed. It’s also something I always spend time thinking about, but I’m just another young person living his life on this planet. I’m not really different from anybody else, which means I can’t always be as bright as I was on Hope World. So that’s why I tried a different approach to the things I could express.

What did you find out after trying that? j-hope: I ended up thinking about the shadows inside me. I didn’t realize it when we were promoting, but with the whole world suddenly at a standstill, we have all this time where we can’t do anything and I can see all the shadows underneath—sitting spaced out in the studio, thinking about what kind of life I’ve lived, seeing BTS’s performances on TV, I think, That’s who I was. The amount of willpower I found during this time has been tremendous. I figured I’d better use all those feelings entirely and all at once, that those are emotions and songs that could probably only ever be written at this time anyway, so I put all those emotions down like a diary, and “Dis-ease” was born. With “Dis-ease” as a starting point, I thought I could include stuff like my inner darkness, and that’s why I was able to release “Blue Side.

”What did you see when you looked inward? j-hope: I ended up seeing a side to the real Jeong Hoseok’s life that I couldn’t perceive before. I kept thinking about what life would be best for j-hope while we were working, so I wondered what Jeong Hoseok’s life would look like as a whole. While that was happening I realized I’m not just some always-cheery person—I experience hardship, too. So I thought I could grow closer with listeners by sharing little parts of me that I had been hiding away, and that it would be interesting to show people a side of me that’s different from their idea of who j-hope is. Most importantly, I don’t feel any resistance about who I am right now. As a person who makes music and releases songs about his personal life, I think this is all part of the process.

There’s a line in “Blue Side” where you sing, “Now I just want to burn blue to death.” It seems here, too, something of your shadow was revealed. j-hope: If you’re burning to death, it’d be very hot. But the parts I called blue are a place I consciously escape to to avoid things. It’s a place I escape to that I could safely live in and be swallowed up by, but I don’t want to do that. So I think I tried to show that I want to stir up my passion for the things I wanted to do even if I’m burning blue to death. To be honest with you, I don’t know how I came up with those lyrics exactly. I wrote that part a really long time ago when we were on tour overseas. I’m not a big drinker, but those were the first lyrics I ever released that I wrote while drinking. (laughs) When I write lyrics when I’m drinking I often regret them when I see them in the morning, but when I take a look at them again after some time, I can tell they’re lyrics that I could only ever write with the feelings I get at that time. When I release that kind of song, I get some kind of feeling. And when I give myself feedback about my own music, a version of myself who’s different from the way I was before I made the music emerges.

Is there anything else you’ve learned about yourself lately? j-hope: Um … I’m—what should I say—not the kind of person to settle for their life as it is. I could just keep living like I am and do whatever I want with my life, but I don’t know, honestly. I’ve already had so many amazing things happen but I want to take things one step further, as an individual and as a member of BTS. A thought came to me one day: Have I been challenging myself at all lately? Outside of making songs or dancing? But the answer was no. So I decided I would challenge myself and give some things a try, one of which was studying English. It’s still hard and I have a long way to go, but I’m trying my best given our current schedule.

What are you getting out of studying English, do you think? j-hope: If I can speak in English then I can give and take directions with English-speaking artists myself when I’m working on music. My thinking is that this is one channel of communication I can open that will open up more possibilities in my life. But it could end up being hard to keep studying with our current schedule (laughs) so even though I say I’ll do it, I might not be able to. Your mind could change at any minute and you could come to different decisions any time, depending on how you want to live your life. Right now I’m trying to do music for music’s sake, challenge myself with performances for performance’s sake, and try hard personally for BTS. And I’m working hard to figure out what I need to do for my next steps.

What do you imagine your next step will be? j-hope: I think my next step personally is to grow our music globally. I’ve been doing some self-reflection lately and there’s plenty that I want to do. I have a lot of dreams, too. Making it this far with the group, seeing the other pop artists we’ve been vying with on the Billboard chart, really left an impression on me, and now I’m more serious about wanting to express something. So for example, I’m dreaming of growing our music globally since the environment to have good synergy with foreign artists has already been built.

You, and BTS too, have worked your way up step by step and now you’re able to dream up new steps. In the 2021 FESTA “ARMY Corner Store” video, you said the present is possible only because BTS followed the path that it did since its debut song, so you didn’t want to alter any of your past. (laughs) Still, is there anything you’d want to say to your past self if you could say just one thing? j-hope: As a joke, I’d say, Hey, listen to this melody: “smooth like butter”—write that. If you do that, you’ll be number one on Billboard. I could do it that way, right? (laughs) But for me, even the parts of my life that weren’t good became opportunities for growth. So rather than telling my past self to fix something, I’d just tell him to believe in himself and move on with his life however he feels like, and keep working hard, keeping things the way they are. Other than that, I’d have nothing to say to him.

So how do you feel about ARMY now that they’ve climbed all those steps with BTS? j-hope: ARMY is absolutely … I feel like they’ve become an icon themselves. I’m so proud of them. They’re amazing. ARMY is like an artist in itself now, too. Sort of like they’re one big symbol of the era? ARMY is as famous as BTS now. I think we give each other good energy, and helped each other to make something good. It might sound obvious coming from a member of BTS, but if I were ARMY, I’d never be ashamed to call myself a fan of BTS. Anyway, I’m seriously … I want them to always know I’m really, really grateful for them.

© source

[because-of-a-friend]

Seventeen Reaction: Proposing To You

MASTERLIST

Alrighty! Let’s burn through the rest of these requests with my new laptop!!! There’s two more requests after this and then I’ll go back to my series! Thanks for the request @banana-and-milk ! I really hope you like it and I’m sorry again that there was such a long delay everyone!

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL

In this scenario, Cheol is an incredibly cheesy hopeless romantic. He’s definitely the type to want to plan out a proposal and make it really nice. While he does make sort of a big deal out of it, he doesn’t go super overboard. He keeps the plans relatively simple because he knows the more factors there are, the more things there are that could go wrong. The most important thing to him is that it is a moment you will remember fondly forever. He wants you to be able to brag to everyone you meet about your cute proposal story. Soooooo, what he’s going to do is decorate a nice little seating area outside, have your favorite meal prepared, and 100% have a speech memorized. Cheol doesn’t really want anyone around for this moment. If anyone is around it is a photographer in the distance taking pictures for you to remember this moment. But he really wants it to be something that just the two of you have together. Which is why his speech is super well thought out, he just wants the whole thing to convey how he feels about you and how much he wants to take the next step. He’s probably the type to celebrate AFTER at a separate venue with close family and friends, but like I said, the proposal itself is a special moment for just the two of you. 

YOON JEONGHAN

Hannie is such a chill person when it comes to his relationship. Overall, everything is super comfortable, easy-going, smooth sailing all around. Which means he’s not really the type for big romantic gestures because you two tend to show your love for each other in other ways. He knows that proposing is a big deal, though, so he figures he should do something. So, he makes you breakfast one morning. It’s your favorite breakfast food and he gets a tiny little flower to put out on the table in a cute, tiny vase. The two of you had planned on having a day in since both of your schedules were free that day. You walk out to see Jeonghan up...early? Making breakfast? “Babe, are you ok, you never make breakfast.” To your surprise he turns to you and is just all giggly. “Of course I am! I just wanted to show my beautiful [Y/N] how much I care about them!” And he’s just all sunshine and rainbows, and you’re like?????? But anyways he pulls out your seat and you begin eating together. First, you just sip on your coffee to try and wake up, but then you finally decide to start on your breakfast. But when you push your fork into your food, it hits something...hard? So you start digging to find what’s in there, and you pull it out and- “Yoon Jeonghan, you did NOT.” He is GRINNING at you, “Oh but I did.” You don’t even wait to wash the ring off, you just slip it on your finger and then pounce on Jeonghan. The two of you spend the rest of the day Facetiming friends and family to share the news while happily cuddled up on your couch. 

JOSHUA HONG

A NERVOUS WRECK. Oh my god, he has never been so nervous in his life. Of course it is happening in the privacy of your own home, because he does not think he could do that in front of other people. It. Has. To. Be. Perfect. He is freaking out that even the tiniest thing could go wrong. Today is the day he proposes to you and he wants to make it the best day of your life (aside from your eventual wedding of course). He has it all set up from outside your home leading in. You’re greeted with a sign on the front gate welcoming you home, then flower petals leading up the walk way, a paper on the front door listing the things he loves about you. And when you finally open the door, there is your boyfriend, kneeling down, wearing the sharpest suit you’ve ever seen him in, ring box in hand, biggest grin he’s ever had on his face. His heart is beating a million miles per hour. He realizes he’s been so nervous about the planning, he hasn’t had time to think about how it’ll feel to actually propose. Starts crying halfway through lol. I mean like... he can hardly finish, his emotions just overwhelm him so much. But you patiently hold his hand as you wait for him to say his piece. And once he finally asks the question, you’re both grinning and crying. You spend the rest of the night alone together, and start calling people the next day to tell them the news.

WEN JUNHUI

Honestly what he does for your proposal has a lot to do with what you want. Once you two begin talking about your future together, he begins to take little mental notes about your opinions on different proposals. Whether you want it to be public or not, whether you want it to be a big deal or not, whether you have strong opinions about it or not. He himself doesn’t care too much about the actual proposal. To him, the most important thing is getting to spend his life with you, so he’ll want to adjust the proposal itself to fit your liking.  Because of this, the proposal is pretty much like a dream to you. Every little detail is made to be perfect just for you. Jun really does not miss lol. Honestly, you’re almost surprised by how perfect the proposal is. But Jun really just payed attention to everything you had to say and though it all out to make sure it went well. His attentiveness to your wants just shows how much he’ll take care of you for the rest of your lives.

KWON SOONYOUNG

Soonyoung has big emotions, so he’s going to express them in a big way. Like this kid is really going to go all out for this. He wants to show you just how much he loves you. Of course, he doesn’t think it’ll ever be enough, but he does try to show you. So your proposal is going to be insanely over the top lol. I mean, in his opinion, you only get this moment once so why not make the absolute most of it? If it’s something that you’ve discussed and have said you’re comfortable with, he might want to do it publicly. That way, you’re not only receiving his love, but the love of all the people around you. If you don’t want that, then he’ll make up for it in other ways. He won’t do anything to overwhelm your senses while the actual proposal is happening, so you can listen to the words he has to say to you. But afterwards you can expect music, decorations, maybe even fireworks depending on where it happens. Like Cheol, he’ll probably want to go celebrate with the people you both love afterwards at a different location. Overall, to Soonyoung it should be a really fun, enjoyable time that’s exciting for you both. It will be meaningful too, but Soonyoung’s main goal is to make it a memory you won’t easily forget. 

JEON WONWOO

Wonwoo also definitely wants this to be an intimate moment. As an introvert, he’s going to want to avoid any sort of audience. But he has told everyone you know before it happens lol. He’s not always so sure of his romantic abilities, so he’ll probably reach out to family and friends for advice on the best way to propose. Which means there’s like a week or so where whenever you hang out with someone they’re just grinning brightly at you while Wonwoo is just praying they don’t let it spill. But he does really good. Because even though he’s getting all this advice on how to make a really great proposal, he realizes that the most important thing is just that he loves you and wants to spend his life with you. So he ends up just doing it out of the blue one day. You’re sitting on the couch, scrolling through your phone, laughing at something you’ve seen. The light from the windows is shining down on you, and he just thinks you’re perfect. So he walks over, and kneels down in front of you. It takes you a second to notice and when you finally do you’re like ?????? “Babe, what are you doing?” And he chuckles a little before just staring at you. He says your name in a way you’ve never heard him say it before, and you just kind of know. You start crying and leap on him before he can even finish. And he’s just laughing as you’re on top of him on the carpeted floor and pressing kisses all over his face. Then you just hold each other for awhile before deciding how to celebrate. 

LEE JIHOON

Has no idea what he’s doing lol. When he realizes he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he panics because he has to tell you this. ...How does he tell you this??? He knows it’s gotta be impressive, right? At least somewhat significant... He probably decides to play it safe and use a somewhat common method of proposing. A nice date with dinner, a day of quality time, little signs of love and affection the whole time. By the end of the evening, his plan has gone accordingly, the day went great, and he’s ready to actually do it. He’s so unbelievably nervous, lol. His voice is shaking the whole time, but he pushes through. When you say yes, relief floods his entire body and then he cries. He just holds onto you and cries out of excitement, love, and pure joy. It’s nothing too over the top, but it’s a super special moment between the two of you and Jihoon puts in so much effort (especially mentally) to make it special. 

LEE SEOKMIN

Also an incredibly nervous, emotional wreck. But he’s also incredibly excited!!!!!! Like ridiculously excited!!!! The type where the whole day he’s planning on doing it, he’s just grinning at you constantly. And you’re like “babe???? I know you’re usually pretty happy but it feels a little more intense today” and he just shrugs while grinning and tells you it’s just a good day. You don’t notice but he’s been taking you to all of your favorite date spots around town all day. It brings up a lot of good memories so the day is just filled with good feelings. He does it out in public, but in more of a secluded spot, like maybe on a bridge overlooking water at night. Not many people around, but he doesn’t mind if a couple people pass  by here and there. He’s so incredibly sweet about doing it, and every word is thought out and genuine. Afterwards, he’s going to hold you tight and spin you around. His laughter will ring out into the world around you. Afterwards, he’s going to want to go out and celebrate with you the whole night and tell anyone he sees that you two are officially engaged. 

KIM MINGYU 

A dummy. Truly, just so ridiculous. The proposal itself is so quick that you don’t even realize it’s happening. You two are just cleaning up after eating breakfast and Mingyu just kind of goes “Hey babe” and looks at you with this big, dumb smirk on his face. And then he just tosses something at you. And you’re like????? So you start turning it over in your hands to try and figure out what it is. It looks like a jewelry box and you sigh because you told Mingyu to stop buying you every nice necklace you said you thought was cute while flipping through catalogs. “Just open it” he insists, sensing what you’re about to say. So you do and instead of a necklace, it’s a ring. You’re about to start the lecture anyways, thinking he just bought you a random ring. But then you really look at it. The ring is nice... really nice. “Mingyu...what is this?” When you look back over the box, he’s kneeling down in front of you, “I think you know.” And then suddenly, you’re engaged. He’ll probably take you out and have tons of nice things planned for the rest of the day, but he’s just really chill and casual about the actual proposal. 

XU MINGHAO 

He probably wants to make the proposal incredibly unique, somewhat because of his artistic habits and somewhat because he wants you to have something hardly anyone else will. So he’ll really try to think out of the box and it will 100% take you by surprise. You just come home one day and he’s got this giant canvas spread out on the ground. “Hey babe! I got us one of those paint by numbers!” It ends up taking days lol. He’s planned it out so that you can’t see the message until the very end. And he’s a little stressed lol, because he sure didn’t think it would take this long. And obviously both of you are pretty busy so you keep having to take breaks from it. But then the night finally comes. The two of you are joking, binging your favorite show, covered in paint, having the time of your lives just being together. Then he gets up and is like “I’ve gotta go grab something.” So obviously you’re like “Oh ok, I’ll wait for you.” And he’s like “No, go ahead.” And you respond with “Babe it’s almost done, do you really want me to finish it without you?” But he’s already heading into the other room going, “Of course, maybe that way you can be the one to figure out what it is on your own.” And you’re thinking that makes no sense but you go ahead and finish it anyways. Then you step back and take a look at the whole picture. It takes you a second, but you figure out pretty quickly. It’s a couple, and one is kneeling in front of the other. You do a 180 to see Minghao behind you with a ring in his hand. “Ugh babe, you were supposed to wait until I actually knelt down.” He doesn’t get the chance to actually propose because you jump on him immediately. The canvas hangs up in every house you two live in together for the rest of your lives. 

BOO SEUNGKWAN

Also incredibly nervous about proposing and 100% wants it to be just the two of you. Seungkwan is honestly a hopeless romantic and wants to make it so special and sweet. I think he’ll also go a more simpler route in order to make it more about the proposal itself, but he still wants to actually show you how excited he is to be doing this. Plot twist: he starts crying way before it even happens so you know what’s coming. But you think it’s sweet because he’s just got so much love for you in his heart he can’t even handle it. But he tearfully pushes through his speech because he just wants you to know how special you are and how much you mean to him and how much he cares about you. Honestly instead of doing the whole kneeling down thing, he just holds you. And now you’re crying. And then you’re saying yes as you wipe his tears away and he’s just smiling and nodding at you because he could not feel more complete than he does then. 

HANSOL VERNON CHWE

Vernon is definitely the type to just be like “Yo, you wanna get married?” Like the two of you are sitting across from each other on the couch, scrolling through your phones. He takes a break for a second to just look at you. He gets this weird feeling in his chest. And then he realizes... he wants to spend his whole life with you. And honestly he doesn’t really need more than that, once the thought is in his head, that’s enough, he’s just gonna tell you. “Hey babe?” he asks, nudging you a little. You give a little “hm?” in response. “You wanna get married?” You take a second to process because you’re thinking you must have heard him wrong. “Wait what?” you sit up to look at him. “You wanna get married?” You can’t help but start grinning, “Are you serious?” He nods, before sitting up and pulling you into him. “Yeah, Vernon, I think I’d like that.”

LEE CHAN

Dino sometimes struggles with expressing himself romantically. Which means planning a proposal is the single most stressful thing he’s ever done. Should he plan a huge event that would impress you besides the fact that that’s not really him? Or should he just be himself and potentially disappoint you with a mediocre proposal? He mulls over all of his options for so long before deciding that he wants to make it special for you. So, he gets advice from other people, researches proposals online, and makes a whole plan. He puts in all the effort to create this amazing event for your proposal. And he times it out perfectly. You have some big presentation in the next town. So you’re leaving earlier in the day by train to go to the presentation then when you come back, he’s picking you up and the proposal plan starts. But when he’s dropping you off at the station, something comes over him. He watches you lean out the back of the train to wave goodbye to him. His heart drops and he starts running towards the train as it begins to pull out. “[Y/N]!” he yells. “Dino?” you call back. “MARRY ME!” he yells out, racing to keep up with the accelerating train. By then you’re too far for him to hear but he sees you nodding and jumping as you call back to him. You still celebrate together with everyone later that night, but the proposal itself is a beautiful spur of the moment event. 

[jinxxedwammys]

Ok hear me out. I’ve listened to “Sway with me (slowed)” by Cytus II and I have this whole imagine of the reader at a masquerade ball as an undercover agent, and as The Wammy Bois (preferably L or Near) S/O or crush. Well the situation turns for the worst and L (or near) rushes out into the party (he was originally watching on cams) to get a hold of the situation to either like confront the Bad Guy or just protect the reader. Idk I think about it when I listen to the song. Love your writing btw

Aww thanks anon, I'm glad you like my writing! And damn, I like this one a lot! This calls for a fic. Thanks for requesting! (Not me accidentally making this somewhat like that ball scene in Black Butler.. oof)

For this I chose L and decided not to do Near, I hope that's okay.

Warnings: Mentions of human trafficking, Main antagonist being a creep, daggers.

(Image from some wallpaper site and very lightly and badly edited with befunky)

The night was young, the sun had only just set below the horizon plunging the city into darkness. At 8PM this night there was a masquerade ball at a very wealthy businessman's mansion. As all the high society guests exited their limousines and luxury cars escorted by servants you stood staring at the lavish mansion.

"I feel so out of place here... Do I really blend in enough?" You quietly asked Watari who stood beside you as your "servant". You shifted uncomfortably and looked to him for an answer.

"Yes, of course you do. You fit in very well. Please do not worry, I'm sure you will be alright in there." He bowed before reentering the drivers seat of the vehicle you'd arrived in. You took a deep breath before carefully ascending the marble stairs leading to he door. Before you could be noticed by anyone in particular, you placed the earpiece you had been provided in your ear disguising it with your hair.

Unlike the other guests, tonight wasn't about enjoyment or entertainment for you. You were assisting with an investigation into one of the high class men attending this party known as Daniel Grant. He had been suspected of human trafficking, though it seems he had been doing more than just that. A recent investigation by the private investigator known only to the public as L suggested that he may potentially be behind multiple murders in the area. As it happens, you were the lynchpin in solving this case and getting the evidence needed to put Daniel Grant and all involved behind bars.

He seemed to target young people between the ages of 18 and 25. As it happens, you were perfect for that role. You were also a police officer. So only two weeks ago, you had been asked to assist the one and only L. Of course, when he contacted you, you were overjoyed. Finally, something more interesting than petty crime! But now, as you entered the lavish mansion you were far less confident than you were when you initially joined.

You knew L was watching the camera feeds from the CCTV system, but it still didn't calm your nerves. You nervously approached the table where the guest sign in book was placed, carefully signing your alias. Then you made your way to the ballroom where the party was held. You took a deep breath and adjusted your mask before entering into the room.

Inside, everyone was chatting amongst themselves every single person dressed very formally, women in beautiful ballgowns, men in fancy suits. Every single one wore a masquerade mask, some plain and simple, some adorned with gemstones, lace and other ornate designs. Everyone went silent when one man tapped his glass with a fork.

"Hello everyone, I'd like to thank you for attending tonight. Thank you all for celebrating my niece's 20th birthday with us" He motioned to a young girl blonde girl wearing a dark pink dress with a black lace mask. Everyone gave a short applause in response. "Please enjoy yourselves" He bowed slightly. You hadn't known this was a birthday party beforehand. You wondered what Daniel Grant had to do with this girl. About 20 minutes into the party, you decided to check in with L as you hadn't heard a thing from him since you arrived. You excused yourself to the bathroom.

"L are you listening?" You asked quietly and waited for a response.

"Yes, I am, is anything wrong?" He asked. You shook your head before you realized he couldn't see you right now, there were no cameras in the bathroom.

"N..No, I haven't seen Daniel yet either... I was just making sure you were there." you hurriedly replied.

"Mmh, I'll guide you to him if you would like, I can see him on the cameras." He replied clearly eating something.

"Okay, please do!" You left the bathroom and reentered the ballroom doing your best to hide the fact that you were scanning the room for the suspect. L's voice came over the earpiece again, this time instructing you to look for a woman in an emerald green dress near the center of the room. You entered the crowd of guests. Your eyes widened slightly when you saw the woman L had been talking about. She was in fact talking to Daniel Grant. They seemed to know each other. You stayed back, waiting for L to say something.

"Seems like you found them, stay back for a little while, I'll tell you when to approach" He said. You of course didn't respond since you were surrounded by others in earshot. You casually checked your pockets and approached another guest making small talk to kill time. You had taken your eyes off of him for a second, and the moment you looked back, the niece was talking to him. L seemed to notice as well.

"Daniel is currently talking to an important innocent. Please intervene now." You looked around the room before casually approaching the two.

"Hello, I came to wish you a happy birthday!" You said, sort of putting yourself between them. She nodded, thanking you and went back to talking with Daniel. You sighed in annoyance, but persisted.

"Hey, could you by any chance show me to the washroom? I've been looking for it and I just can't find it" You asked. She looked at Daniel, excusing herself from their conversation before leading you to said washroom.

"I'm sorry for inconveniencing you... Oh.. and I think it would be best if you stayed away from that man." She gave you a quizzical look.

"Why is that? He's one of my mother's friends." She asked. You were kind of shocked. Another detail L had left out. You questioned if he trusted you before ultimately banishing the thought. Of course he trusted you. You wouldn't be the one confronting the guy if he didn't.

"Just trust me, he's no good" You warned. It was clear that she didn't take your words seriously whatsoever. She scoffed and left. Now what? You wondered. And just like that, L's voice came through again.

"I want you to talk to him, try your best to get him away from her." Immediately you left the bathroom and made your way back to the ballroom again. By now, there were a few people dancing. Unfortunately Daniel seemed to be one of them, but you had a plan. Dance your way to him! You started off with a tall man with a purple tie, then to an average height lady in a light blue dress, then a lady with a fuchsia pink dress, and so on until finally, you were dancing with Daniel.

"You're the person who rudely interrupted my lovely conversation with the guest of honor" He observed. His voice was cold, though there was a tinge of intrigue.

"And what of it?" You sort of snapped. He smirked, it sent chills up your spine. You backed away slightly, but he closed the distance.

"Oooh, I like them feisty" He growled into your ear. You couldn't help your face twisting in disgust at that.

"Why don't we go... somewhere more private" He suggested. It was then that L's voice came on through your earpiece.

"Go with him, I want to see what he'll do" You gulped. You really didn't want to go anywhere with that creep. But L's orders... You nodded and Daniel led you upstairs. You both stood in front of a bedroom door. He opened it, directing you to go inside. As you did, his eyes seemed to undress you. It was then that he took out a dagger holding it to your neck.

Meanwhile, L sat in his temporary investigation headquarters observing your actions. He had just stuck a piece of cake in his mouth when you had been attacked. He had not expected Daniel to be armed. You were in grave danger and he knew it. He immediately stood up, the fork clattered to the ground and the plate the cake had been on shattered as it hit the floor. He didn't care.

"Y/N, hang in there, I'll be there soon" he quickly said to you before rushing to get Watari and speed off to the party. The car ride seemed to take forever. Every second of it, he watched and listened. Daniel seemed to be just threatening you for the time being, but at any second, he might just kill you. The very second they arrived, L clumsily jumped out of the car and rushed up the stairs to the manor, past the guards outside and up another flight of stairs to where you were.

L had for the first time in his life, brought a gun in case things got even more ugly, but he doubted he'd need it. Daniel didn't seem like the type to be bold enough to kill in front of another person. Even so, he gripped the gun before entering.

"Let them go!" L commanded. Daniel's head snapped in his direction.

"Get out, this is none of your business" Daniel said, turning back to you.

"It is my business, that happens to by my significant other you have there." You blinked. Significant other? Is he acting? You thought before mentally reprimanding yourself for thinking that now. L moved a little closer.

"Oh.... She is... I'm sorry" Daniel backed away. It was kind of comical how he looked like a scolded dog. You stood up and walked towards L, glancing back a few times at Daniel to ensure he wasn't going to get violent again. And without another word, L led you out of the manor to safety. Though there was one question burning in your chest. When you were safely in the car you decided to voice it.

"L... Do you actually like me?" L turned to you, his expression was completely unreadable.

"Yes" He said almost monotonously. But that was good enough for you.

[kurishiri]

Hi, I’m Kayla! Can I please get a romantic matchup with Ikemen Vampire?

I’m 17, and a Capricorn. I got by she/her pronouns and I am bi. I dyed part of my hair blue recently, it is like the front part is blue and the tips of the rest is blue, the rest of my hair is a reddish brown. My eyes are hazel and I need to wear glasses cause I am pretty much almost ✨blind✨ I am a little chubby and I hate it lol

I’m your local shy girl that would rather not be around a bunch of people. People would say I am a little awkward and somewhat hard to get to know. My friends would describe me as smart and kind, but my little brother would describe me as a demon 😂.

My mbti type is INTP

I plan on being a computer programmer or a psychiatrist. I am trying to learn Japanese, but idk how that is going 😅. I like to read, write, and crochet.

I really don’t like big crowds, public speaking, or anything of that caliber.

Things I look for in a partner: accepting, patient, and someone who can be understanding

Things I try to avoid: I really don’t know. As long as I don’t feel like I’m being hated or ignored then I don’t really have any problems.

Notes: I’m really self conscious of things like my weight, my height (I’m 5’2), and my accent (I have a southern drawl) so when I play the game I feel the residents might say something to me irl 😂

Sorry if this too much.

Thank you 😊

— hi, kayla! thanks for the request. it's not too much at all - on the contrary, i'm happy i can do this, hehe. also, i saw you are learning japanese? i am as well! lemme know if i can be of any help or like japanese study partners. with that said, your match is under the cut!

matchups request info !!

⇢ arthur may seem a bit out there to you at first. hell, he may not even have the best first impression with his frivolous and teasing mannerisms.

⇢ over time, though, you realize that's also his treatment toward those he has an interest for.

⇢ you are "hard to get to know"? that works fine for arthur. in fact, he encourages a challenge. it's like a game for him, almost. see how much he can glean from you. speaking of games, he is attracted to your intelligence and finds enjoyment in playing games with you, especially those with mystery elements!

⇢ despite his frivolity, it's your heart that truly matters to him. he is also more than happy to compliment where you feel more self-conscious. for example, your voice? he finds your accent nice to listen to. not every day he can listen to a southern drawl, after all! he also has a thing for glasses, so this actually works well. you can be glasses-wearing buddies. it's something you two can connect over because nobody else in the estate wears glasses.

⇢ you most definitely bond over reading and writing. whenever arthur writes a new manuscript, the first person he goes to show is you, as he finds any of your reactions most endearing.

⇢ he will be the one who makes time to read what you write too, even if he's busy.

⇢ arthur will probably ask you to teach him how to crochet. partly because he's curious about it, but also partly because it's you who's doing the teaching. all in all just being around you lightens his mood.

⇢ he's not all too familiar with computer programming, much less computers in general, but he is a naturally curious person and will ask you about it, show genuine interest in it. oh, it also gives him inspiration for his next sherlock holmes work. better look forward to that!

⇢ given he was a doctor in the past, he likes that you also have some interest in a bit of a similar field. he is attracted to you because to him, you are pursuing something he had given up on. that is to say, he is attracted to your ambition, which he feels he sometimes lacks.

⇢ arthur finds the way you express yourself and your goals to be admirable. he appreciates your dyed hair. sure, it's a bit ahead of his time, but that's a part of your charm.

⇢ so like you, he is an introvert at heart. while he can handle social situations well, his "social battery" can actually drain pretty quickly. he's not interested in having any big friend groups or social circles; in reality, he wants to spend time with you the most.

⇢ in a big nutshell, you are his muse... his inspiration. and he wouldn't want to have it any other way with any other person.

i hope you enjoyed!