#and this poor woman cannot catch a fucking break

[all-things-fandomstuck]

About to write a character so doomed by the narrative. That bitch ain't about to be able to escape any of the shit I'm about to throw at her.

Basically, I just started a new book where the main character is doomed to become a villain. Sorry Delila, but I had to do it to ya.

So I ask you this. What would it take to make you become the villain?

[celuere]

happy christmas i just need to get this out of my system but arle with oral fixation for her wife...im so gone for her i cant

no because I 100% GET WHAT YOU MEAN (i mean at least i hope i do😭). she just cannot keep her lips to herself even if her life depended on it. say what you want but arlecchino is the type of woman to not give two flying fucks if you’re on a formal event, a public park, a sidewalk etc. one moment you are just standing next to her and the next she just plunges her lips down onto yours, strong arms wrapping around your waist and pressing you against her like she is somehow scared of you magically disappearing out of her arms.

but let’s bring this to another level.

(filthy pussy eating, reader giving and receiving)

once her lips touches your drenched pussy she is GONE GONE GOOOOOOOONE YOUR HONOR. good luck pulling out from between your thighs. there are days where she doesn’t even strap you down. just 30-45 minutes filled with her slurping up whatever she gets out of your sensitive cunt, she is a hungry woman.

when she decides to grant your poor soul a break, she rises back up from between your legs, chin dripping with your juices, her hair a literal mess and she just tackles you with her lips. sucking on your tongue, exploring your mouth with her own and just robbing you of every single bit of oxygen in your lungs.

she doesn’t even give you enough time to catch your breath before her mouth crashes back down onto your still sensitive cunt. and one point it‘s literally just her moaning and groaning into your pussy as she comes completely untouched inside her own panties wonesokrkwkrkwn

but nonono it wouldn’t stop there! she‘d be undressed in a matter of seconds and now she is having a good grip on your hair as she pushes your face into her leaking pussy. her hips grinding back and forth over you and my fucking god her moans are almost animalistic as she uses your mouth as her own person sex toy. she is either kneeling with you on all fours or laying back while she manhandles your pretty face for her own needs🥰

[mothiir]

I have a request for Night Lord/BT serf swaps. From either side. I want to see the serfs being so confused and scared (and maybe a bit aroused too).

i felt so genuinely mean writing this :’) poor sock machine cannot catch a break.

cw: noncon, night lords being night lords.

—

—

“For the last time,” Shrike says, “I did not eat our serf!”

“She vanished without a trace,” Zakyr says. “And you’re the one always threatening to devour her —“

“I say I am going to eat her cunt, that means something very different — look, the room stinks of the warp, clearly something happened last jump, and I am sure it will switch back soon! And until it does we have the other succulent little mortal —“

“Are you really so faithless?” Vanatas growls. “You are the one who tattooed the wench with your approximation of art; I thought you would want to hesitate before getting your cock wet with some other piece of cunt!”

“…yes,” Zakyr says, apparently unmoved in the face of his brother’s moral grandstanding. “Who would do such a thing. Who would have a serf that they apparently like so much that they get stroppy if they cannot have her pet their hair while they sleep, only to clamber atop of the next warm body when she was not available?”

Vanatas huffs, then moans. “Oh, that’s it — no, it is different. I — fuck — I found her, she’s mine, it’s just —“

He moans; the sound almost loud enough to drown out the pathetic snivelling of the strange woman in his lap, riding him. She wears a white tunic, with a black cross stitched into it; her skirt has been torn aside. She wasn’t wearing undergarments, something Vanatas considered a sign from the Night Haunter that clearly this girl was destined for him.

“Hurts,” she mumbles, in Gothic, and Vanatas — whose grasp of the language has improved dramatically since Zakyr demanded ‘sharing the serf’ as payment for his translation services — leans forward to whisper in her ear.

“Good. Yes. Take it. Take me. All the way inside you, keep crying, you’re going to make me cum —“

Shrike pouts. “You don’t think any of that is true—you just don’t want to share!”

“I saw her first, she’s mine. And when the other one comes back, then we’ll keep this one and she can have a friend! Human women like being kept in pairs, I think.”

Shrike glowers, fumbling with his crotch plate, sending it clattering to the ground. He takes himself in hand, ignoring Zakyr’s protests — he might not be able to fuck this new serf yet, but he can make everyone else incredibly uncomfortable, and that will have to do for now.

—

“So…I mend socks?” you say, eyes wide.

“Yes. Just that — wait, why are you hugging me?”

[citrinae]

cursed are the ones who ate the fruit.

robin x reader

summary; you always had a thing for passivity. watching events come and go, not getting involved. yet this is soon to change when you slip away from a halloween party to spend some time with the woman rumoured to have bargained with the devil. 

contents; murder, ambiguous morality, college!AU, afab!reader, wc: 1.3. i support women’s rights but most importantly i support women’s wrongs. part of my spooktober nonsense. 

masterlist

“Don't trust Nico Robin,” was the first thing ever told to you as a first-year student. “Whatever you do, stay away from that witch. Nothing good ever comes from associating yourself with her.” Someone said she killed a man, wet and pathetic in his own bed. Someone else insisted she was the reason why the dean's wife ended it with him, going on about how the poor fucking guy was made to sleep in his office for a week until he’d be allowed to return to an empty apartment. 

But one rumour they all seem to agree with is that she sold her soul to the Devil. “Demon woman,” as they described her to you back then. You saw it as a really unfortunate exaggeration; they insisted it was not.

Everyday you see her—dark hair, fitted dresses, leather jackets—sitting all by herself on the marble stairs of the faculty, a portrait of modern tragedy. Most of the time it’s with a book in her hands, and not once have you felt the defiant urge to join her and strike up a conversation about whatever the title unlocks in either of you. After all, you’re pretty sure she noticed you, too, welcoming your presence with a smile each time your eyes happen to stumble upon each other. Always so small, always so sweet, the type of natural innocence making you want to pick it up and brush it like some kind of expensive china. Pushing coins into the rusty vending machine by the dining hall, you sometimes catch yourself scripting interactions in your head. “Is it true?” you’d ask her at some point, leaves creaking under your boot. “That you dealt your soul away?”

The answer never comes, for you cannot quite figure what her voice would sound like. You haven’t heard her talking to anyone before. 

Would she talk to you, were you to get closer?

Despite the number of questions clutching your stomach at the sight of this woman, so lonely and beautiful in the comfortable distance, yet so vile from up close they needed to invoke the Bible to describe the experience, you prefer to believe that you were made for the simpler things in life. So you’ve tried your best to live your college days without thinking much of Nico Robin. Attend courses and sip on cheap booze and make friends like anyone your age would be expected to do. 

It’s this thought that pushed you to this place to begin with, keeping yourself busy by focusing on the multicoloured lights and the threads of fake spider web hanging about some colleague’s rented apartment. Kitsch costumes and plastic glasses, board games and smudged eyeliner, air dense with sweat and perfume. The music is loud, and people have to raise their voices to make themselves clear for important stuff like cigarette breaks or needing to hold a fellow’s hair in the bathroom. Someone compliments your costume; by default you find something nice to say about theirs as well. By the corner of your eye you watch a couple sucking each other’s face off, flushed and lazy on a beer-stained sofa. 

A familiar voice suggests that you gather for some rounds of Spin the Bottle, and a tepid gush of bodies shoots into a circle as soon as it does. This time, you decide to simply watch the game take its course; lifting yourself onto a table, back flat against the window, intervening with a joke whenever you catch an opportunity to. For a moment you think everything should be like this: light and approachable, a recorded show you can skip and rewind to your heart’s content. 

The bottle spins, and spins, and spins. Then it stops. Laughter turns into a muffled series of sounds as you absent-mindedly watch the leaves bend and billow outside the window. 

And that’s when you see her. 

Strands of hair flutter behind the trees. There’s a canvas bag in her hands, and a leather jacket thrown over her shoulders. She looks to be in a hurry. 

Your heart squeezed inside your ribcage, you hurl yourself towards your boots and coat, breathing out an excuse as you leave the crowds. Stairs echo under your feet, your mind blank with nothing but the pressing realisation that tonight might be your only chance to get your answers. Faster you run, over puddles and through brittle trees, cold seeping into your clothes and numbing your fists. You need to see her. No, you need to hear her, maybe even understand her. Behind you the polluted glow of the town fades as you dive deeper into the woods. Something moves into a bush nearby, but adrenaline pulses into your ears a bit too loud for you to care. 

When you stop, your feet feel like they’re about to collapse. You bring your hand to your spleen. Gingerly your eyes climb up the height of Robin’s boots, dark leather stretched to the knees, and when they reach her face, you’re met with a smile different from the one you were used to seeing between classes. There’s something sly to it now, something wicked. Shame clutches your stomach as you remember the stories your colleagues told by the dumpster. “Woman’s fucking bad news.”

“You’re a bold one,” Robin’s voice snatches you out of your head. It’s soft, divine, and your heart stops for a good second as she slightly tilts her head to the side. “Coming all the way here to catch me doing something bad.”

She doesn’t sound mad; if anything there’s a tinge of amusement for you to pick out from her voice. Like she expected you to meet you here, under these circumstances. You cannot seem to take your eyes from the blood under her fingernails, still not fully dried out. 

“Are you going to kill me?” you hear yourself saying. 

Robin’s laugh is melodic, like a bell chime. It makes you feel sick. “Would you tell on me?”

You shake your head.

“Even if you did,” Robin says. “I wouldn’t lay a finger on you.”

Something melts within you as the words leave her. With the courage built by Robin’s perplexing hospitality, you point towards the bag hoisted around her shoulder. “What’s in there?”

“History,” is all she says. 

“Of what?”

“Of this town, our college. Things they don’t want you to know.”

Taking into account the gravity of the situation, you find it hard to comprehend the ease with which she’s telling you all this. Inner cheek pressed between your teeth, a new question takes form in your head: are you really a threat to her? Looking into Robin’s eyes, primed and intelligent, you’re inclined to say no.

Wind blows wrathfully through tree crowns, through Robin’s hair. There’s a numbing chill biting into your bones and for a second you’re sure you’ve seen a pair of horns sprouting from her head. 

Further suspicion lingers on the roof of your mouth. “The dean is dead.”

A second later, “I had no choice.”

“But there’s no evidence that you did.”

“There is not,” she smiles, all warmth. 

“So why are you telling me this?” you ask her, and you can hear her heels press into the ground as she moves forward. 

Robin carefully measures the uncertainty in your eyes, sweeps a cold finger below your chin to align your stares. “Didn’t you want to know me better?”

Heat cuts through your lungs; you say nothing. 

“Besides,” she continues. Freesia and violets in your nostrils; a hint of sulphur you choose to ignore. “Recently I’ve taken quite an interest in you as well.”

And even now, with all the cards laid on the table, Nico Robin continues to stay a mystery to you. Even though you’re certain there’s something evil lurking behind her shoulders, leaning into the undeniable warmth of her words, stars dashing off her eyes with the promise of building something new, something better, you cannot help but wish to keep on unravelling her like a most fascinating riddle. 

[sunnydalelibrarian]

Buffy Rewatch: Episodes 5-8

Episode 5: "Never Kill a Boy on The First Date"

Giles' little "you are not funny" look when Buffy says "Oh great I kill them, you fence their stuff!"

The Master's such a dick, but why is he actually hilarious? Orlock meets the Joker fr

Ah this is the first bit we properly see that he's in a sunken church! That's so cool, I forgot all about that

I also forgot how funny Giles is, if I wrote down all of his hilarious one-liners we'd be here all week

Emily Dickinson is actually so Buffy-coded in general

I love how for a second Buffy genuinely thinks Giles is about to be sexist about poetry but no, he's just bitching about Americans again!

Xander Angel and Owen in the one room, this girl cannot catch a break

Giles in the cold storage 😂

Aw, that was a very dad speech

Ah, the Anointed One and the age old creepy kid trope. Gotta love it!

Episode 6: "The Pack"

Hyena Xander was a total dick

The piggy 🥺 Oh god the little piggy

Oh high school dodgeball, I remember those days, they were the absolute worst

Love how Buffy was so ready to throw hands for Willow even against her other best friend

Look I know he's possessed but if Buffy doesn't hit Xander soon I'm gonna

The soundtrack of this episode is on point though

The fact that Giles is fully ready to believe that Xander's being an asshole because teenage boys just are

Oh this scene (you know the one) was unnecessary. It is definitely giving "written by a man in the 90s"

Principal Flutie really set the stakes, huh?

Malleus Maleficarum mention!

The jolt of sheer horror that went through me when we saw that woman had a baby on her back

Willow's little smirk when Xander gives himself away, that's my girl!

The first thing Xander does upon being unpossessed is run to help Willow though <3

I love how this episode really cements that Buffy and Willow are Giles' kids, Xander is that weird pet his kids brought home and he didn't want but is begrudgingly fond of

Episode 7: "Angel"

Ah yes, the episode where Angel gets a personality beyond "hot and broody"

Poor Giles, does this man ever sleep?

I'm remembering why I actually liked Buffy and Angel together at the start

"No, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness and sweaty palms." Willow is so me fr

I fully forgot this entire plot line even happened

I fucking lost it when Darla pulled out the pistols oh my god

Oh shit I forgot he fucking killed her here

Oh the cross! I remember this shot vividly

Episode 8: "I, Robot, You, Jane"

Listen, I know people talk a lot of shit about this episode but it's one of my favourites

Not the CGI demon dissolving, I can't!!

"I'll be back in the Middle Ages" "Did you ever leave?" Oh I love Jenny so much, she's such an icon

Also, this episode introduced such a cool concept in terms of how medieval methods of magic intersect and/or clash with emerging technology and that's fascinating

Willow has a picture of her and Giles in her locker, that's too cute, I can't believe I never noticed that! That's her dad fr

Not Jenny rocking up to class visibly hungover 😂 have I mentioned I love her?

I love how Willow and Buffy are both dressed like teenage girls, not like they're trying to be in their late twenties already

Not Buffy's birthday being different across two shots and wrong both times 😂

The demon changing that kid's report to say "Nazi Germany was a model of a well-ordered society" - if Moloch the Corrupter thinks it's good, that speaks for itself! Take notes 2025 America!

"Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is!"

"Your spider sense?" "Pop-culture reference. Sorry."

Let's be honest, Jenny Calendar had my heart from the minute she pointed out the racism and misogyny underpinning the intellectual elitism of academic institutions

Wait is Jenny the first person to say Giles' first name aloud? Because I'm binge-watching and I don't think we've heard it before

The way he pulls out her chair for her. A gentleman even in the face of trying to stop a demon.

"Remember me? Your girlfriend? I think it's time we break up! But maybe we can still be friends!" Oh Willow I love you so much

"Let's face it: none of us is ever going to have a happy, normal relationship"... yeah

[mer-acle]

my brain: what if poseidon mirrored zeus' actions by holding athena's chin up so he can see her expression. How fucked up would that be. Would she see zeus in him

Me:...

Me: you little asshole come back here we are not done-

Oh my gods my friend you are cooking so well I love that. The poor woman cannot catch a break (I just made her remember that Ody and his family finally had a few days of peace before she arrived so yeah I'm not helping either)

[gengar-pixel-2]

Transformers animated liveblog: SPOILER WARNING!

Onto the seventh episode of season three, one I was waiting for. Ya'll aren't ready for this one.

MORE WASP!!! I WAS AWAITING HIM TO BECOME CREATURE!! THIS IS IT! I love wasp, so.. But I have a lot to say... Because spoiler: I loved this episode!

It starts with as usual, wasp going through it, This poor guy CANNOT catch a break. I feel so bad for wasp. I love him.. i want to protect him...

There's also more jet twins in this episode, so that's a win!

..You know what isn't a win though?

SENTINEL PRIME.

I will go into this further but he CONTINUES to be the worst!!

Optimus and sentinel argue about what to do with wasp, and sentinel says how there are no innocent bots, to which prime goes "nuh uh" but too late, because..

RUN BOY, RUN!!

..oh hey!! dinobot jumpscare, he gets taken away. ..Gee, wonder why.. hmm.. (ominous foreshadowing) And.. off the gang go again!!

"Sentinel, you don't wanna go after that thing!"

I'M CACKLING OVER THIS IT'S SO STUPID MY GOD,,,

THE BITCH IS BACK!!! THE GIRLBOSS!!

Wasp's reaction is kinda silly lmao- he's real for that one. Who can blame him? Pretty spider lady! A goth girl! /silly

So turns out she's been doing.. fucked up experiments to try and get rid of her organic half. ..Good for her! We love a woman who does fucked up science. Slay! Women in stem!! ..honestly would've liked to see more in the show indicate her science side, but tbh, this isn't actually an issue. more just a thought. Like I know she does science but it would be nice for the show itself to say it. that being said..

GET SLAGGED, IDIOT. HA-

"..Should we take notes?" "On what NOT to do?" Back to the lab after some great lines from the twins and sentinel being.. himself. Sure hope nothing bad happens here!

"So, autobots lie to wasp, call wasp traitor, But not traitor! But still chase wasp! Oh, wasp confused..." Oh...

Arachnia goes "Yeah, yeah, I get it. autobots betrayed you, now you hate them. been there, done that, it's a big chunk of my backstory."

the vulnerability in his optics.. The soft tone as he asks the question.. oh.. my baby, my baby.. He's been alone and on the run for so long. He's probably so.. touch starved, too. He just wants someone.. he just wants safety.. a friend..

..I can't keep talking about this, I'm gonna get upset. Moving on.

HIS HEAD TILT.. AUGHHH WHY IS HE SO CUTE... I am so normal about him guys, trust. trust.

Arachnia just goes "Hey boy, get into my fucked up evil machine and you can get revenge on the autobots."

WASP NO!! NO WASP!! WASP IT'S A TRICK! NOOOO-

His expression here kills me. I fucking hate this show. It's stupid. (JOKE!! JOKE!!)

MY SHAYLA.. MY SHAYLA.. NOO... MY BABY AUGHHHH

THATS! KINDA FUCKED UP! I mean I knew it was coming but uh!! wow!! okay!!

anyway sentinel continues to be an idiot. Some dinobot stuff also.

OH BUT THE JET TWINS!! THE JET TWINS!! I love them so much oh my god,, I'm so normal about them also, trust.

"Diversion? What kind of diversion?" "Means for we to blow something up." "Oh good! I am liking diversion." I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR

Okay, so.. remember when I said sentinel continues to be the worst, and how I was gonna get back to that? ..Yeah, here it comes. buckle up.

I. Have. Never. Been. More. ANGRY towards sentinel, throughout all my watching of this show so far, THAN IN THIS EPISODE.

BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU, LET ME TELL YOU, THE SHIT HE SAID! WHAT HE DID!

So he breaks into the lab and sees arachnia. I'm gonna be sharing a few screenshots and showing you their exchange to get my point across. Text is color coded, ofc. blue for sentinel, purple for arachnia.

"I don't know what kinda weird organic horror you are, but if wasp is inside that giant tin-can, I want him out now!"

Okay so he starts by calling her a "weird organic horror." Not great.

"Full of yourself as ever, eh sentinel?.."

"You.. You know me?" "I did once."

"There is NO WAY I'd have ANYTHING to do with a mutant freak like you!" PULLING NO PUNCHES, ARE WE SENTINEL? Primus, dude.. So not only is he racist to humans but ALSO to organic cybertronian hybrids! Great! Oh but no. no, that's not the worst part.

"The one with the unstable energon cubes? and the SPIDERS?"

Then sentinels optics widen, and he goes with a shaky finger point goes:

"..Elita-one?"

"It's blackarachnia now, sentinel. Thanks to you and optimus.."

"But I.. I thought you.. went offline."

"Well.. least you two manged to get your stories straight."

"I never forgave optimus for leaving you behind, you know. It was his idea, y'know! A-And ultra magnus? H-He wouldn't even let us go back to recover your shell!"

"Then I guess no bot is innocent.."

"Okay this is bad, but maybe he'll I dunno.. REACT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON." NO HE DOESN'T. THIS IS SENTINEL. STOP HOLDING OUT HOPE, YOU FOOL.

Shuddering, literally gagging as he talks: "I-I just- never knew.. Never imagined something this.. Unspeakable, could've happened to you!"

"How can you even live like that? I mean it's horrible! GAH! It's DISGUSTING!"

"Okay, okay, I get it! It's BAD but it's not that bad! Alright?"

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE DOES? HIS RESPONSE?

"You should've gone offline.."

WHAT THE FUCK?? EVEN AFTER LEARNING ITS HER, HE TELLS HER SHE SHOULD'VE DIED BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE BECAME. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??? EVEN AFTER LEARNING THATS ELITA, HE STILL THINKS SHE'S AN ABOMINATION THAT SHOULD NOT EXIST AND SHOULD'VE DIED. AND HIS REACTION?? IS TO FUCKING KILL HER.

I CANNOT WITH THIS GUY. I CAN'T. I'M LOSING MY ACTUAL SHIT. THAT'S SO MESSED UP, TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE. WHEN OPTIMUS LEARNED IT WAS HER, ALL THE WAY BACK IN SEASON ONE WITH "ALONG CAME A SPIDER" HIS IMMEDIATE REACTION WAS THAT HE WANTED TO HELP HER. HE STILL SEES HER AS A PERSON, AS ELITA. HE DIDN'T ATTACK, HE WASN'T LIKE "OH YOU FREAK GO DIE" NO. HE WANTED TO HELP HER, BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT HER AND HE MISSED HER. I have never been. this angry over a fictional character in a while. SENTINEL. WHEN I CATCH YOU, ITS OVER.

*breathes* okay so we get a little focus off the two for just a moment. To quell my rage, look who it is!

WASPINATOR!! WASP!! HE IS NOW CREATURE!! THE CIRCUMSTANCES HORRIFIC, BUT THE DESIGN KICKS ASS! YES! WOOHOO! LOOK AT HIM AND HIS MANDIBLES, HIS COMPOUND OPTICS AND WINGS! YIPPPEEE! WHAT JOY!

oh okay never mind sentinel spoke again. ..But also, look at him fly around! whee!

back to my rage, because believe it or not, it gets worse than what I described above.

"It's an abomination.. Just like you! And I can't allow it!"

"..I can't allow any of it." (sentinel says, pointing his lance directly at her.)

"So that's it? You'd just slag your old friend elita-one?"

"DON'T SAY THAT NAME! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO SAY THAT NAME!"

Sentinel knocks her helmet off, revealing.. her without it! her face!

SHE LOOKS SO COOL. I'M SORRY. LOOK AT HER. ..ah, right. sentinel's still here. *clears my throat.*

"..You're not elita-one, you mutant freak."

"Elita-one went offline a long time ago.."

I AM SPEECHLESS. I HAVE NO WORDS. MY GOD I CAN'T. I CAN'T. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, THAT'S SUCH A VILE THING TO SAY. THAT'S HEINOUS. THAT'S ACTUALLY SO GROSS. THAT'S DISGUSTING.

i can't put my rage in words so i'm just using this image to convey them because I've run out of things to say. I fucking hate this guy.

Anyway BREATHE because WASP!! get him wasp!! also blackrachnia's taunting is peak.

Optimus saying "I'm the one who left you behind, sentinel's not to blame for what you look like" DUDE. also blackarachnia saying what she looks like only being "half the story" and who she is being a lot more complicated. we love complicated girlies!

Anyway wasp and bee time!!! yay!!

it's so awkward. I love it.

"Waspinator MEGA cool, thanks to new friend!" YES BABY YOU ARE!!!

also bee's genuine apology is really touching. His expression adds to it. ..This apology will work, right guys? It's so nice! it has to!

"Wasp.. forgive bumblebot." "Oh really?"

"BUT WASPINATOR NEVER FORGIVE!"

PSYCHE!! NO!! HAHA! i love this im sorry.

Then something happens that just. continues to make me get stupidly emotional over opt-lita in this universe.

"This time, we're not leaving without you!" (says optimus, not sentinel ofc.)

"This time, I am!"

Blackarachnia JUMPS into the blast and makes a web shield so the others are okay. ...She.

She didn't need to do that. She didn't even know if she'd survive the blast. She could've easily left them. she could've let the blast take them offline but she didn't. she sacrificed herself to save them, regardless if she would've lived. ..Something also tells me this was more for optimus than sentinel. None the less. oh. oh ow.. girl... oh...

OH GOD DAMN IT NEVER MIND SENTINEL OPENED HIS MOUTH AGAIN. HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH?

"..She sacrificed herself to save us." (optimus)

"Either way? We're rid of them both.." (sentinel)

ONCE AGAIN SHUT UP OH MY GOD. I- no no i've already said enough you get my point. once again awful thing to say. this is.. ALSO vile. this makes me feel so gross....

Something tells me when optimus was "Defending" sentinel, at the steelhaven before jetfire, jetstorm, and jazz leave, he was just saying those words so he could take the heat off of them, so they wouldn't be yelled at and berated and he wouldn't lash out at them. hence jazz's surprise over this. Optimus also sounds really unsure in his words when he says them, and judging by his voice and expression, you can tell. ..Either that, or I'm reading it wrong. Who knows? Even then though, sentinel still winds up lashing out at the others. ..So I guess it was all in vain.

HE SAID THE THING!

anyway don't care, didn't ask, JUNGLE PLANET

I guess they're stuck in jumanji or something. I dunno.

Anyway I'd say "Can't wait for the next one!" but i've already seen them, lol. This was delayed due to valentines day and I figured I wouldn't stress about it. I'll probably make a shorter post talking about human error, seeing as how I enjoyed that pair of episodes. All I hope is for waspinator to come back because.. I need more of him. <3 anyway don't tell me if he does or doesn't in the notes, I have been narrowly avoiding spoilers this entire time and I've gone this far. But I know you are all better than that! Besides, what fun would spoiling the plot for me be? You wouldn't get my live reaction if you did!

[daenysthedreamer101]

HOTD S1 Rewatch

Ep 7 - Driftmark

Oh Laena! You will be missed. I absolutely love the funeral ceremony it was beautiful.

I love the way Daemon says 'I need... Nothing' idk why I just do.

Viserys calling Alicent Aemma... Exactly.

Is it just me or did Otto notice that Nyra went after Daemon?

God the lighting is awfull this ep.

I feel so bad for Laenor😭

Love Eve Best, love her acting!

OMG VHAGAR IS HUGE!

I gotta give Aemond props for having the guts to do what he did. I couldn't lol

Loved that entire sequence with Vhagar flying it was so cool!

WHERE ARE THE DAMN GUARDS!?

No guards in the hallways like not one?

The way Aemond got an entire new personality once he got off Vhagar bye. 💀 Or maybe it was always within him hmm?

Ok why is he bringing up Harwin dying? Like damn Aemond that was a low blow!

Just shows you how shitty of a mother Alicent 'honor and decency will prevail' Hightower is

Not at Aemond choking little Luke and calling them bastards, like.... What the actual fuck

Daemon leaning on the door and enjoying the chaos ughh love hm

I really can't with the whole 'everyone knows, just look at them'

If they kept Rhaenys's hair dark there would be plausible deniability

'He's your son. Your blood" well Alicent talk shit get smacked like sorry babe but maybe if you didn't poison their minds with such hatred none of this would've happened

She's fully gone coocoo like do you hear yourself. Asking for a child to be mutilated....

And the fact she didn't get punished for assaulting the King's eldest child and heir to the throne.. Omg viserys have a fcking spine!

Laenor just being so out of the loop, I can't 😭

I love the way Emma speaks High Valyrian ughh their voice 😫

Rhaenys screaming for Laenor breaks my heart cause like.. You're traumatizing this poor woman and making her think her son died and her daughter died like three days prior like omg my sis cannot catch a break!

Love the Valyrian wedding!

[sillygoofyqueer]

The Untamed review: episode two!!

Yes, Wei Wuxian, Little Apple IS a picky eater, because he deserves only the best and KNOWS IT

Bro's complaining about a donkey to a donkey, what a guy

"You're like MY master"

"Yo, there's a well!" Wei Wuxian immediately moves out of the way, what a gentleman

HE'S JUST TALKING TO THEM, WOAHHHH

Wei Wuxian helplessly listening to them argue over his inventions is so funny to me

"IS WEI YOUR DAD?!??" "HE'S MY IDOL!!"

The way that Wei Wuxian just gives up and peaces out

Fighting with a donkey now

Take the fucking apple, you dumbass

How old is this woman? She looks about twenty five

IT'S JUST LIKE IN MINECRAFT

Push her off, it'd be so funny and no one would know

Yo, what is Yan doing?? She's busting some moves

Does he just flick any random person?

Ohhhh, I see

Got killed by the mist, that's an embarrassing way to go

Bro is dead, goddamn. Poor lass has no soul

This woman has been through so much, she doesn't deserve it

Someone's catching humans, cannibals in every universe

JIN LING!!! <3

Laughing at the richness of people

"Naur, stay up there. See you later xoxo"

How is this woman here????

LITTLE APPLE BEHAVE YOURSELF

It's fine, he's wearing a mask that covers his eyes

"It's you?" Aw shit, the guy who was a baby when you were around is onto you

Joking, he knows Mo Xuanyu

Mock him and see how it ends up

BRO JUST INSULTED HIM BECAUSE HE'S MOTHERLESS

Stop trying to get up, jesusss

Nice throw

He looks so done with people's shit

STOP FUCKING MOCKING HIM, WEI WUXIAN

Oh, hey Jiang Cheng, you're baby girling quite hard today

No need to crush it

"break his legs? No, feed him to your dog, kiddo"

His boyfriend has come to rescue him

"I'm so unlucky today", on the contrary, I think you're very lucky, these characters are key to the plot and you didn't even have to go looking for them!!

I like the music that plays when the Lan Clan is around

Lan Jingyi stepping up for his father- teacher

Lan Sizhui, how do you know so much

HE CAST THE SILENCE SPELL, I LOVE HIM

He says it like a slur hahahaha

Lan Wangji is too busy mewing, don't break his streak!!

"If you don't get that spirit, don't come back to me!!" Jin Ling was never seen again 😔

He's like a grumpy toddler, I love him so

"Don't worry, we'll pay for the nets we broke!" "Nuh uh!!" Lan Sizhui, you're an angel, don't listen to him

HIS MEWING STREAK NOOOOO

Nice voice though

"I thought I saw my boyfriend 😔"

There are spirits in the lake, I wouldn't suggest drinking from it

Jiang Yanli 😭😭😭

Stop smiling, you're hallucinating

Slander my boy and sees what happens

Slap yourself, go on, like the books

Don't put the blame all on him!!!

Nice, like the books

Feel the shame

That cannot be comfortable, those are literal rocks

LITTLE APPLE!!

He's like they're little leader

That's a fast old man

Lan Jingyi's first instinct is to point a sword at an old man, lmaaoooo

"anything strange here?" "Duh"

Leaving him alone while he's trying to give important plot information, rude

Glowing grass, what the fuck

I think you should eat some

He just wants to clean, leave him alone

WEN QING!!!!!!

Flashbacks lmao

Where'd the old man go

Dirty

No way is that naturally formed

Lan Jingyi, you're surprisingly knowledgeable..I didn't know you could read

Jin Ling and his group of people

AAAAAHH WHAT THE FUCK

"what's up baby girls"

Ugh, it's been moving for a while now

Maybe you should, I don't know, LISTEN TO THE GUY WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING??

Also, y'all ditched him, minus points

"We're out" "fuck, y'all are gonna soooo be punished"

The look he gave, as if this isn't like, a sixteen seventeen year old. No, wait, he's probably eighteen...how old was he before Wei Wuxian's death? ANYWAY

Criticising the Lan education system while you're at it

"wait, you can't be crazy, because that makes sense!!" Lan Jingyi my beloved

Shit, my cover as a crazy person has been blown

Are they having a mewing contest or what?

Well done, Lan Jingyi

WHERE'S MY NEPHEW

I swear it wasn't that big before

Y'all are doing a shit job at running from something this slow

Nice attack, it's still stone though

Dude, listen to Lan Sizhui

"Hey, my sword 🥺😔"

Considering this flute playing is supposed to be shit, it's not too bad

"ugh, you're playing the flute this bad? You must be crazy" Lan Jingyi, make up your mind

STOOOOOP JIN LING

Nice kick, it's still stone though

WEN NING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE'S HERE TO KICK SOME ASS FOR YOU!!!!

They both look mildly terrified

Dude killed it so easy, well done. Naur, it's just an illusion.

"y'all, no need to be scared, the Yiling Patriarch ain't here" he's standing over there, wearing a mask

I THOUGHT THE LANS WERE BETTER THAN THIS

Luring him over with shitty flute playing

LET GO OF THE COMEDIC RELIEF

His robes are even blowing, just for you

Me leading my next snack away from the bag

Walk faster, goddamn

"hey bbg, it's been a while"

Listen guys, I know you're in love but there's a corpse there

He flew away, like Jesus

So...how is everyone surprised when they do turn out to be gay???

DON'T PIN THE BLAME ON HIM. MY MAN'S IS GUILTY BUT PRETTY

Uhh uh oh. Mom and dad are fighting again

Lan Wangji already looks so bored

The fucking GLARE I CAN'T

"Take off the mask!!!" "Nuh uh, I'm too handsome"

Lan Jingyi needs to stop being smart, it's scaring me

Stoooop, he didn't kill his brother

Okay, so he did, but he didn't want to!!!

He passed out, okay man

Answer the stupid call

FAMILY!!!!!!!

They're so happy 😔

Give him what he wants, it's SYMBOLISM

Lecturing him better than Lan Qiren

You lost him already, not very good at this, ey?

Alcoholic

Of course he will, it's Wei Wuxian

They're so happy :(

[beevean]

I hate the defense of dramatic irony for Lanolin's actions, to be honest. Especially because it's not even good dramatic irony: it just stems from characters being idiots and shit friends to each other (see: the entire bit of Silver and the DC in issue 63 and 64.) Sure, Lanolin can't know Duo is Mimic! But 1. We as audience sure do because we are constantly beaten over the head with it, making her be a bitch all the time extremely frustrating because we KNOW she is wrong, and 2. She SHOULD, because the only reason she hasn't noticed yet is because the plot demands the DC to be betrayed again no matter how OOC everyone must become to make that so.

Also, Whisper saw Duo kick Silver and he clearly told her Duo's face changed (of course not to Tangle and Lanolin too though), so why is she hanging out with him now?? Even if Duo's lifethreatening four feet fall didn't show he was Mimic, does she doubt herself so much that she thought she imagined the kick too or something?? Girl just pull off his glove and check his hands, you know the puckers on there are Mimic's clear tell. Or even his brown eyes, Duo's color, or the fact he looks 80% like your dead friend.

As I said in the past, Lanolin was a terrible choice for this sort of plot. You know those cartoon episodes where the antagonist pulled pranks, and then the protagonists got blamed in their place, and it's all haha funny hijinks? This is the same thing, which is already not a very engaging plot, because the characters we care about are getting punished for no fault of their own. To make things worse, we don't know Lanolin! She has just appeared in her new #girlboss version, and right off the bat, she's antagonizing characters we have spent years knowing and getting attached to, both the comic OCs and canon characters.

Why would I want to side with her, or see her POV? She is wrong, she is not entertainingly wrong, and her behavior is not only nasty, but even unfair in-universe: she has brushed off both Silver and Whisper without giving them a single chance of explaining themselves, especially bad in the former's case because it was a case of "he says, he says", but she immediately jumps to berate Silver and treat him like an idiot instead of doing the leader thing and try to listen to both sides. And as for Whisper, yes she was stupid to not bring proof with her, but the moment the name Mimic slipped out of her mouth, Lanolin should have at least questioned her more and tried to understand why she was suspecting Duo, instead of immediately being like "WHY ARE YOU HARASSING MY POOR LIL KITTEN 🥺". fuck that "she cares about everyone and it shows", she's only biased towards Duo, which would be unfair even if he wasn't the villain in disguise.

Forget Duo, I don't even know how Whisper can hang around Lanolin by #67 without secretly seething for this whole accident. I really, really don't like how she orders Whisper to "control herself" after she says that she suspects Duo is actually the guy who traumatized her, especially after she learns that she was betrayed and has good reasons to not trust easily. Where's all that compassion now? Brings all sorts of unfortunate implications about how Lanolin sees Whisper. (also "Silver is one thing" sounds really demeaning too)

Yes, it makes sense for the kind of character she is meant to be, the no-nonsense rule stickler. I'm allowed to think she's an ass and to say I find her thoroughly unenjoyable.

But yeah, Whisper simply letting all go makes her look very weak and insecure. "welp, guess Lanolin was right, and I was dumb! Oh well, my trauma makes me unstable! No hard feelings bestie!" yeah no it's not how it works. It doesn't help that in her next appearance, Sonic also walks all over her resentment towards Surge and guilt trips her into accepting the girl who beat her up and stole her Wisp friends - this poor woman cannot catch a break, everyone treats her like shit.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

123 Thoughts while watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 1, episode 3: Because You Left

I l1. God I forgot we start on this flashback.

2. Fuck Joel Maisel, being shitty about Midge’s drink choice. “Yikes. We’ll work on that.” WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY TO ANOTHER PERSON!

3. I have so many thoughts on that one line. That maybe Midge WAS, at one point in her life, just maybe a little sweet, if a little rebellious, and Joel decided he was going to turn her into what he wanted out of a woman.

4. What he thought he wanted out of a woman.

5. And it.

6. Fucking.

7. Backfired.

8. Shoulda married Palmer.

9. He’s so fucking pushy and I hate it.

10. “You belong to Me” is their song. HEY LOOK MORE TERRIBLE CONTROLLING THINGS. Not only is it a little creepy to be like “I don’t know you that well but this is our song now.” But the title alone “You belong To Me” is fucked up.

11. I swear, if they get back together in season 5, I will rip my television off the wall and eat it.

12. “You’re destined for better things than this.” JOEL YOU ARE NOT BETTER THINGS. BETTER THINGS IS NOT YOU.

13. (Better things is Lenny’s dick.)

14. (Sorry, children)

15. I love that Midge helps the other jailbirds with the stains on their shirt. It’s such an unsettling conversation but Midge still wants to help.

16 She’s a naturally helpful person, turns out.

17. LOL Susie talking to Rose and being totally freaked out, and I love it.  Truly. Barely anything scares Susie. But Rose. Rose flips her out. Love it.

18. Rose is a badass and I love it.

19. LENNY BAILED HER OUT LENNY BAILED HER OUT LENNY BAILED HER OUT!

20. “You’re not Susie.”

21. “Nope.”

22. These two idiots. I love them so much I’m gonna cry god dammit.

23. Wearing his jacket. He rushes to open the door for her.

24. Just fucking get married.

25. Susie is having a NIGHT. Between Rose and Lenny. She just. Can’t catch a break tonight.

26. They really did fail at making Lenny look...not hot. Luke Kirby is too handsome.

27. AND THEN HE INVITES HER TO HIS GIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

28. Rose and her grapefruit. Gilmore Girls Richard vibes.

29. “When did Zelda get married?” lol foreshadowing maybe?

30. Oh Rose. Poor Rose. She’s being severe here, but she’s really worried about Midge. As much as she’s failed Midge in other ways (teaching her all of the toxic bod image bullshit forever), she really does try her best to be a good mother. And I think a lot of the time, she does succeed. 

31. TMMM Rose and Lenny scene challenge I WANT IT.

32. I’m not going to get anything on my season 5 bucket list, I’m gonna have to write an entirely alternate season 5.

33. Again.

34. Abe is so clueless in season one. And he cares but he’s so absent. And he pays for it in season 2.

35. Ethan and the staring.

36. Poor Ethan. His dad up and fucks off, his mother is acting like a fucking fruitcake and he’s like four. He has no idea what’s happening. Of course he’s being a weirdo, WE ALL WOULD BE.

37. I do love Imogene, but she is so normcore in season 1.

38. Midge is so short. Imogene is SO SHORT.

39. “I brought it along on our second date. He was surprised.” LOL WE HAVIN BABIES ARCHIE GET USED TO IT.

40. Abe for fuck’s sake.

41. I know Rose and Abe want Midge to be settled and secure. I know. But Joel is not it. He is not it, and at this point even Midge knows that. She loses sight of that a few times, but like. JOEL IS NOT IT.

42. Oh Midge. That is. Too fancy for Kessler’s office.

43. We need more Kessler. GIVE US MORE KESLLER. GIVE US KESSLER DEFENDING LENNY.

44. LOL Susie on Midge’s tits. Just. The best.

45. “If you had just dressed for the meeting.” I love him.

46. Zelda’s notes. “You to be quiet.” I love it. I should start doing that lol.

47. Seconal is a hell of a drug man.

48. And also Rose is so weak-willed in this first season. Like maybe she’s being manipulative here with Abe but. It’s not a good look.

49. Midge is so proper in these early episodes.

50. HORSE FUCKER. lol

51. Midge just. She cannot keep her mouth shut. She cannot do it. And you know what? I wouldn’t be able to either. “Little lady.” Fuck that shit.

52. Thank you?

53. This judge is fucking awful.

54. Here we go.

55. Midge. Midge.

56. Aaand arrested again. Girl. Oh girl.

57. Ugh having to go to Joel. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

58. You fucked someone else and left, Dude. She doesn’t fucking trust you enough to tell you. Get used to it.

59. Abe looks...unhappy. To be at Maisel and Roth.

60. The music in this show makes me so happy.

61. Eater Island face lol.

62. One criticism of Moishe I totally agree with is how horrible it was for him to take back the apartment. His grandchildren were growing up in that apartment. Their safety and security should have come first. Not that Midge didn’t have anywhere to take them, Abe and Rose’s place is perfectly fine, and they spend plenty of time in Queens, once the Maisels move, but still. Those kids didn’t desserve to be jerked around that way, no matter how Midge and Joel (mostly Joel) were acting.

63. I never realized even back in the 50′s/60′s you had to pay for temple seats on high holy days. Fuck I’m so glad I never bothered with synagogue as an adult. As if life isn’t expensive enough.

64. Abe’s “My suits are good” shrug makes me happy. I know Tony Shalhoub isn’t Jewish, and as much as I wish they would have found someone who was...he does a good job of playing Abe as a Jewish man.

65. Kevin Pollack is a treasure.

66. THE 13 JEWS.

67. I also love Abe’s tie. It’s nice.

68. “Follow-through has never been in strong suit.” For. Fucking. Real.

69. I mean he came through with the money. That’s. Something.

70. God fuck. Poor Midge eating so much crow. I hate that for her. “After all. I am a woman.” Giiiiirl.

71. Fuck this Judge I hope he steps in dog shit every day forever.

72. UUGUGHGHEUOIERJLEJRLKEJ FUCK

73. Blind leading the blind. “It’s gonna work.”

74. Aw hugs. Gals bein’ pals (or girlfriends.)

75. Look, I can multiship with the best of them.

76. Mrs. Mouskowitz. Love her so much.

77. His plan is moving in with the dumb asshole girl he’s dating.

78. YES THE VANGUARD.

79. Lindsay and the threeeew!

80. AND LENNY! The Jewish and Goyish bit is so good. Listen to the original it’s so good.

81. Instant potatoes: SCARY GOYISH.

82. BOB BYHRE!

83. I love Lenny so much and we didn’t get enough of him in this show. We deserved more Lenny. I deserved more Lenny.

84. The bro vibes between them here are so good. They were always friends first and I just love that.

85. LOL Midge can hang. I love it so much.

86. Lenny is so tickled to be with Midge when she gets high for the first time. It’s adorable.

87. DO WE DO AN ACTIVITY?!

88. I think @theycallme-thejackal once wrote a fic where that activiy was a blowjob.

89. @theycallme-thejackal is the best.

90. Midge doesn’t carry pictures of her kids. I don’t know that my mom ever did either. My dad did I think, in his wallet.

91. AN ACTIVITY.

92. These stoned idiots trying to keep up with Midge good luck.

93. Whoseit’s got a head...the other’s got a...head.

94. Lenny’s genuine laugh there is so good. And he’s laughing at a parenting joke, because he’s probably thinking about Kitty and feeling the EXACT same way. “Are you fucking kidding? I don’t know what I’m doing holy shit!” I love that so much.

95. They’re not gonna get married. But they fucking should. Their connection is so good.

96. And maybe that’s delusional. I just love them.

97. Dear Midge: Some of us are just not moms. Trust me.

98. I want her to find out that Lenny is so boring at home.

99. Are those pretzels??

100. I tried to find the gif of Lenny’s face when she comes over to nom those pretzels and failed. It’s so good though.

101. also the face Lenny gives her when she walks over to sit down? I have been on the receiving end of that face from other people. I know it well. It’s happened.

102.We’re supposed to see the Friar’s Club in season 5. I dunno how that’s gonna go, but. I guess we’ll see.

103. I love Harry Drake. I hope we get a little more of him in season 5.

104. “Just be gentle.” Oh Lenny.

105. INVITED TO THE AFTERHOURS. GO MIDGE.

106. “You need me to be understanding or something?”

107. He’s so nice to her. The real Kitty Bruce has talked about how incredibly sweet her father was, and I love that we see shades of that in the show. He’s got a ton of problems, but there is so much kindness there.

108. And it’s in complete contrast to what we see from Joel in just a minute.

109. He gives her a joint as a lil gift. For later. Shit isn’t cheap. Kindness.

110. “WAIT WAS I SUPPOSED TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU?!” Love it.

111. Good job, Midge. You did good.

112. This flashback was in such a strange place. It felt really disjointed the first time I saw it. But again, it’s an interesting contrast between Lenny doing some light emotional lifting for Midge (The cab, the sympathy over her busted marriage, the joint, the parting joke to make her laugh) and Joel (letting Midge take care of him as usual).

113. Midge rollin’ up in the middle of the night, still a little buzzed. To this asshole.

114. And she liiiieeeesssss yessssss. Lie to him. He doesn’t deserve to know you got high with Lenny Bruce.

115. I’ve said this before. His “I don’t care what you needed the money for” is such crap. You SHOULD care. If you care about her, WHY DON’T YOU CARE?! Is it because you trust her? Or because you only care about yourself? I can’t tell.

116. “I’m thinking of giving it another go.” No sorry. No nothing. Just expecting to be let back into her life. Fuck’s sake.

117. Oh Abe.

118. Good for Midge telling him no. Because he fucked up and he’s not even fucking sorry. HE IS NOT SORRY! And she knows it. And he left.

119. Look at this piece of shit run away. Just. Not even an argument. Not even trying to change her mind. Just shakes his head and walks off like that piece of garbage he truly is.

120. Maybe that’s harsh. But he didn’t even try. Because he’s not sorry. He just wants to live comfortably again. He doesn’t care that he hurt her.

121. HE DOES NOT CARE THAT HE HURT MIDGE. Anyone who actually cared would not act like this.

122. And Abe finally understands just how terribly hurt Midge is. Though I’m not sure if that look on his face is because he’s hurting for her, or because his ploy to get them back together failed. Maybe both.

123. I love this episode. It is an al-time favorite. It establishes Midge and Lenny as friends with a new, but solid bond. It has some great Susie moments, and a great Midge set. Great stuff with Abe and Rose and Abe and Moishe. It’s so solid. I think it might be my favorite season 1 episode. <3

[silvcrignis]

Claude Frollo Out of Context Sentence Starters || Part I/?

I have a divine mission to spread the Our Claude > Canon Frollo propaganda. What better way to do so than by making various quotes of his a sentence meme?

Clowning

 “What the FUCK is Bible Study & Chill?!”

 “Do you lot think the Booberry ghost is blue because he died by strangulation???

“I was absolutely high as shit last night. The Warwick Davis leprechaun himself could have started playing knick knack on my lung & I likely would not have noticed.”

 “HOW MANY OF YOU FUCKERS SAW ME EVERYDAY & KNEW I WAS GAY & DID NOT FUCKING SAY ANYTHING?!”

 “MA’M/SIR THAT IS FOUR MILLION DOLLAR MERCHANDISE DO NOT BREAK WHAT YOU CANNOT BUY!” 

 “...Why do you smell like Nesquik Strawberry Milk?” 

“The asshole you are trying to reach is not available. Please disconnect the call & do not try again.”

“Also the day you catch me living in a shack is the day to lock me up because that would mean I finally went clinical, pal."

“Quit talking about shoving things in my ass, you perverted old man/woman!” 

 “Well. You are BORING me right now. I cannot relate to your poor person problems.”

“If I could physically meet myself I would beat the shit out of him.” 

“…I am not sweet, __. Slander me again & I will take legal action.” 

“Her vagina could probably host a fucking bounce house for all of them.”

“Na fam. Delete it right now.”

“Nearly every single time you speak you bring this family great dishonour.”

 “There is only so much suffering I can endure.”

 “I FOUND A CAT!

 “You would end up being spilt worse than my firewood.

“You cannot do coke, that is illegal!

 “Down to fucking kill myself.”

 “If you are so insistent on sucking my cock this often you ought get some knee pads.”

“I like snow. It is a good way to hit your enemies with glass shards before they realise what is happening.”

 “Do you want bullshit or the truth?”

 “I am seconds away from a brain aneurysm, son.”

 “You would be a wonderful addition to someone’s mantle. In an urn!”

 “Shut the fuck up, old man!”

 “I do not use Faebook. Faebook is for losers & old people.”

 *sarcastically* “I went out to the woods. Pretended to be a forest nymph for a few hours.”

“That is… Not my problem.”

 “Did the vibrating make it better or worse, son?”

“New Jersey’s state fruit is blueberry, you fucking crackhead.”

“No no. Continue squabbling, bottoms.”

“Like what the fuck like I can say hoe if I want to! I am a hoe, I have the pass!” 

“I want no part in your cockles, __.”

“That is too many babies, Miss/Mister.”

“Ugh no.”

“Pull up then, Fuckboy.”

“Actually I was thinking about that one medieval meme about the leggings.” 

“You cannot cancel me. I am a bad bitch.” 

Being Fucking For Real

“… Unless… Oh fuck… I must be having another psychotic break.

“Would not be the first goddamn time I had a hallucination…”

“Those were the last words I ever said to my own son’s face… Then I never saw him again.”

“... Tell me you love me again? Please?”

“What the hell was I supposed to say to you that would not sound fucking weird & desperate?”

“You know, wills to read & a little brother to parent…”

“… It was always you but… You deserve someone normal.”

“I will be perfectly fine alone, the way I always am.”

*wryly* “Ah yes, because everyone keeps their promises, __.”

“I am going to beat his ass. The next time. I see him.”

“God, I know I do not deserve it but I love you so fucking much.”

[beautyinthemoonlight1124]

Hope you are doing OK with all of this. I don't follow you on other socials. It's absolutely horrendous and so fricken messy.

I have been with my wife for 13 years. Marriage is hard but Jesus this is ugly. Not asking for your opinion. Just letting you know I thought about you. We can discuss it of you like. This whole thing makes me more sad than it probably should.

Thank you for thinking of me. I think all of us who are fans of Ali and Ashlyn are carrying a lot of pain in our hearts right now. I hope you're doing ok too. Congrats on 13 years of marriage. And you're right, it's not easy at all. It takes work. Ugh. I am not ok with any of this. I'm still stunned, to be honest. I NEVER in a million years expected Ali and Ashlyn to split up. Never. Ali has talked in interviews and on podcasts about how she waited so long to get married because she wanted to be sure it was right because she was never gonna get divorced. And now boom. Divorce. And it happened so fast! I'm just shocked by all of it. One minute Ali was leaving the sweetest message for Ash on her Snacks podcast episode for Mother's Day, and then they had Ocean's birthday party weekend with family and friends in FL in mid-July and then it all died. Not even a birthday message for Ali at the end of July. In February, Ashlyn posted that really heartfelt, romantic video she recorded at their wedding - professing her undying love for Ali. How the hell do you post that in February, then file for divorce 7 months later??? It just feels so disconnected. Like, seriously, has someone checked Ashlyn for a brain tumor that changes your personality or something? I'm only half-joking. It feels so completely out of character for Ashlyn to do this. I feel awful for all of them. I truly do. But I'm furious at Ashlyn for this. It seems like she got a little bit of freedom in her first year of retirement and lost her goddamned mind. it really does. And my heart is absolutely shattered for Ali. I just... that poor woman. She cannot catch a break. And I'm not even talking about the cheating allegations - we'll never know the truth. But Ali's Lemonade post is pretty damning and hard to debate. It felt like her flashing her wedding ring at the end of her self-care day-off video on Governor's Island video was almost like she was grieving the end of her marriage. So fucking sad. And the first thing I thought of when the divorce news came out was Ali's fear of being alone - she told us twice in different videos with Ashlyn. One was a couple's interview and the other was Kyle's video about who knows Ali best, him or Ashlyn. Ali's biggest fear in life, in her own words, was Ashlyn leaving her, or her being alone. And that's exactly what Ashlyn did to her. And I won't be over it for a very long time.

[cult-of-the-eye]

Tell me your Criminal Minds thoughts! (please if your still gripped by it) <3

oh boy being gripped by it is an understatement

get ready folks

ok so when i first started it i was hesitant cause like i was coming out of a bad time and i was like i need something new to focus on but i'm not sure if this'll make me feel worse or better but i'd heard good things about it and some stuff about people thirsting over a skinny autistic white guy and then i started it and i was GRIPPED ok i should've known it would join my list of hyperfixations cause i'm such a sucker for found family going through horrific things partly cause they're trying to solve things in their own past and this is pretty much exactly that but more on the angst than fluff side

anyway on to the characters my beloved <33333

Gideon

i am SUCH a slut for this kinda character like renowned kinda eccentric genius forced away from his field after a traumatic event then coming back to that field

and gideon oh man he was so fucking cool i loved that guy

he was literally everyone's dad i just-

the whole elle calling gideon dad storyline made me giggle

i was so sad that he retired but you know what i'm glad cause the poor guy deserved a fucking BREAK

he's just so iconic, like him being spencer's father figure, him screaming bloody murder in that one house to show it was sound proofed or whatever, him telling elle not to call him dad, him sharing the orange with his coworkers, him going beserk over the one child that got kidnapped and literally BUSTING into the kidnapper's house and he's always so gentle with the kids and it's so fucking sweet, him and his little cabin this man deserves so much rest i love him

in my head he is happily fishing in a cabin somewhere

Elle!!!!

I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I FUCKING LOVE HER

she is so fucking underrated man

she's just so COOL and like she's introduced as like this ambitious smart badass FBI agent but she's also so insanely caring about the female victims

like she acknowledges how difficult it is to be a female in that position and also keep sane having seen all that shit happen to the female victims

i really fell i love with her during one of the earlier episodes where she's talking to a rape victim and she sees that she's uncomfortable and takes her away from the men to give her some space and the opportunity to talk to a woman i just

she's so fucking fierce and loving and i would do ANYTHING for her

my girl did NOTHING wrong

all the shit that went down in the fisher king i will never get over that, like she could've been furious at any of the team and blamed them for what happened to her but she didn't

it's wild to me that the best criminal profilers in the US couldn't see that elle desperately needed help

i will always remember the time she opens up to reid about how she can still feel the guy's fingers inside her bullet wound and i just AH she needed the compassion that she usually provided but she didn't get that and so she broke

i am a fierce defender of elle greenaway i love that woman and i was DEVASTATED when she left i cannot believe we only got 3 seasons of her

(she's also hot)

Hotch

oh man i have so many thoughts about this man but i can't properly articulate any of them

first of all, smash.

now we've gotten past that, i'm such a sucker for grumpy caretaker characters who barely smiles but when he does it's wonderful and meaningful

he knows his team and it fucking shows i just love this guy so much

i was so sad when hailey divorced him, i thought he was gonna be the one guy with the semi healthy family life but guess not

although i understand why she did, they needed different things than each other

the part that really made me go feral was when he was talking to that one serial killer and he was like some people who were horrifically abused grow up to kill and torture others but others grow up to catch them

i was like OH FUCK that resonates, vowing to never do what was done to you and stop others from ever feeling the same way you did

but then they did nothing with that storyline which was a little disappointing but i did like it

also he's a father

Spencer

i went into this only knowing about the hype for this guy and boy do i understand it

i am not into men but i would make an exception for this man right here

something about his autistic transmasc puppy dog swag has captivated me

the fact that he is autistic and comfortable letting the mask up a little around these people and!! they still!!! love him!!! it just makes me so fucking happy

like if he can do a job where his skills are seen as insanely useful and it's a part of him that's loveable then maybe i can too!!

he's so cute this skrunkly little white guy i don't really have the words to explain i want to throw him against a wall and then feed him soup

they always put these ones through the most trauma i feel

but we do love to see it

like break pretty boy break!

JJ

gorgeous gorgeous girly i love her

she's so funny and confident and sweet and smart and like what even else is there to say she's literally just everything

Morgan

i LOVE morgan with all my heart

like he's the older brother of the team, his friendship with literally everyone is everything to me

the way he calls reid pretty boy and teases him and his whole platonic soulmate ship with garcia (i don't ship them personally i see them as absolute besties) and his general just charming, funny, likeable demeanour

and then we get hit by the episode where he reveals that he was molested as a kid

i didn't cry but i got extremely close

it's always those ones who have the most devastating backstories

his whole speech about how he was the one who got himself out of chicago, not his abuser, he did that all by himself oh man

that was a punch in the gut.

i love him <3

Garcia

she is an ICON she is The MOMENT she is EVERYTHING

i fucking love her i would kill for her

her personality seeps into EVERYTHING man she is just so unabashedly herself and it's so fucking wonderful to see

she's quirky and upbeat amongst all the horror and its so fucking refreshing i am so in love with her confidence especially as a mid size person myself

she's so sweet she's literally everyone's best friend her energy is so infectious ahhhhhh love her <3

Prentiss

i saved my fave for last :)

at first i was like she will never replace elle i don't trust her but then she didn't replace elle, she was awesome in her own way

first of all. SMASH. she's so insanely hot i would die for her

her voice, her eyes, her hair, her personality oh my god

she's just so fucking driven and compassionate and has her dry humour that makes me so insane about her

i have no words

she's just everything to me

yeah ok. thanks for asking!!! writing this absolutely cheered me up after a bad day :)

[autistic-crypt1d]

The X-Files Live Blogging:

Season 8

God damn that was one hell of a cliffhanger!!!

Seasons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 1998 movie, 6, 7

Updates:

- Within

- how TF is she pregnant?? Did her and Mulder sleep together and we just didn't see???? WHO IS THE FATHER

- of course it's Kersh

- nooo what happened to her big round glasses they were so cute!!

- huh????

- this shit suuuucks

- poor Skinner and Scully :(

- ah yes, this should go well (this is going to go terribly)

- WHAT????!?!?

- gotta love Skinner for taking up the role of impulsive action guy acting on little to no evidence while Mulder is gone

- that ain't Mulder

- Without

- THAT AIN'T MULDER MY GUY

- Skinner and Scully are slowly but surely bringing this guy into the truth

- YEAH HOW YA GONNA EXPLAIN THAT AWAY HM???

- seeing Mulder like that is so heartbreaking

- "I cant risk never seeing him again" AHHHH MY HEARTTTT

- SHE WAS RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE!!!!! YOU'VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME

- HE'S FINALLY DEAD?!?!?! OMFG

- owie

- oh???

- damn there's more! Guess they all look like that

- Patience

- UHHHH WHO TF TOOK MULDER OUTTA THE INTRO CREDITS???? SCULLY DIDN'T GET TAKEN OUT WHEN SHE GOT ABDUCTED??? WHAT DOES THIS MEANNNN

- I'm sorry but the way that dude says "leave me alone" is so funny

- I'm sorry you two but, OF COURSE IT HUNTS AT NIGHT

- :(

- Roadrunners

- what the fuck?!?!?!

- I'm so uncomfy

- GIRL YOU ARE NOT STAYING THERE

- SCULLYYYYYY

- what the fuck is thaaaaaaaat

- AH HELL

- WTFWTFWTFWTF

- COME ON

- oh thank god he's not an idiot

- AHHHHH FUCK THIS INTENSE

- ok I like Doggett, I miss Mulder but Doggett is solid af

- also Scully is such a fucking badass

- Invocation

- my notes got deleted againnnnnn

- something something kid creeps me out, so does that dude sleeping with that murdering dude's mom

- Josh do nottttttt

- god damn it Josh

- GET THAT SON OF A BITCH DOGGETT

- Redrum

- that title does not bode well

- Henry??? From Eureka???

- another time loop episode??

- huh??

- ok I'm confused

- so every night he goes back a day?

- the prison guy is fucking ANNOYING

- this is so sad :(

- this is such a cool episode

- please tell me he saves herrrrr

- oh god oh god oh god

- OH GOD IS HE GONNA KILL HER

- OH THANK GOD

- oh no, please no this is so sad stop

- LET'S GO DOGGETT!!!!!!

- Via Negativa

- YEESH

- I wanna know what's up with Scullyyyyy

- AY YO SKINNER PULLING OUT THE X-FILES ANSWER???

- wtf

- oh shit he's killing people in their dreams!!

- I love The Lone Gunman

- he's gonna see Dana here isn't he

- oh no :(

- I hate Kersh

- uh oh

- he's in a nightmare isn't he

- YUP

- or the thing got transferred to him??

- no I was right the first time, nightmare

- spooky

- Surekill

- that's the worst blood I've ever seen

- this is so depressing, god the way he's looking at her??? Poor girl

- both of these brothers are so fucking creepyyyyyy

- I recognize the Randall dude from somewhere

- Salvage

- WOAH

- YEESH

- "I didn't do anything to him!" Yeah, sure tou didn't. He just ended up like that all by himself

- :(

- owie :(

- Badlaa

- notes got deleted again!

- creepy af

- ah geez wtf are these kids doing

- please don't hurt him :(

- owie :(

- The Gift

- ???

- Mulder?????

- Mulder is back in the intro!!!!

- what the fuck is happening

- WHAT THE FUCK

- gross!!

- Agent Dogbird XD

- oh????

- NWJDOSJSJSJ EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!

- please tell me the soul eater is gonna save him

- HELL YEAH

- oh is it dead now :( I mean it's good because it's not suffering anymore but also really sad :(

- Medusa

- yuck!

- pretty interesting episode honestly

- I recognize this biologist woman I think

- ah shit

- I don't understand how zapping the puddle cured them

- Per Manum

- Kawalski?? Again???

- wtf

- are we finally gonna get more Scully pregnancy info??

- Scully cannot catch a break 😭

- ooooooh she asked him to donate

- this makes his disappearance so much more heartbreaking 😭

- John Casey!!!

- please be a good guy please be a good guy please be a good guy

- fuck

- This is Not Happening

- oh hey it's the kid from the episode where Mudler got taken

- oh??

- OH????

- 😭

- uh oh

- why would he dump her there just to take her again?

- ah healing alien man

- MULDER!!!!!

- YOU CANNOT CLIFFHANGER ME LIKE THIS

- Deadalive

- ow 😭

- I really love Doggett sometimes y'all

- oop dead boddy

- bruh if he comes back to life like this Scully is gonna lose ittt

- AHHHHH HE'S ALIVE!!!

- ow 😭

- god I hate Kersh

- Krycek is doing that isn't he

- YUP

- I do not like what's happening rn Billy

- broooooooooo

- GET HIM DOGGETT!!!

- yay!!!

- my hearttttttt

- aw Doggett :(

- Three Words

- are the three words "I love you"???? PLEASE?!?!?!

- why tf did he shoot himself??

- OH FUCK

- poor Skinner, stuck in the middle

- awww

- bruh

- ooooo he said the titleeeee

- ah the words are fight the future

- I hope Doggett doesn't die or leave and we get a trio

- oh shit he got replaced

- Empedocles

- what the fuuuuuck

- bro has resting sad face

- what is Reyes's dealllll

- the way she smiles at himmmm

- pfffft

- she seems autistic and I really like her

- ahhhh so the entity that took over the guy in the building came out of the dude who killed Doggett's son

- they're so painfully adorable

- Vienen

- they did the Goa'uld eye glow XD

- ok a little glowier lol

- reluctant friendship forming, I love it

- it's ok Mulder you can be a stay-at-home dad

- Alone

- oh wtf

- that was so wholesome 😭

- we better get a bunch of Scully and Mulder still, not just Doggett and new girl

- they're so domestic AHHHHH

- Essence

- of course she's suspicious, of course!!

- isn't that the very slowly aging woman from Eureka?

- she is!!

- oop, alien Billy is back and murdering

- I'm scared of what these pills are gonna do to her

- I love the reluctant Mulder & Doggett duo

- omfg ok she finally caught her

- PFFFFT

- KRYCEK?!?!?!?!?!

- y'all I was entirely expecting that to be Skinner

- HER FACE WHEN THEU HANDED HER OFF TO KRYCEK PFFFFFT XD

- GET HIM GUYS!!!!

- damn that was smooth as shit

- FUCK

- Existence

- oh what the fuck

- I'm sorry but the way Skinner yelled "KRYCEK!" after he realized what was happening is so funny

- awww she cleaned up the house for her!!!

- unrelated, but I hc Reyes as a lesbian, she just gives me gay vibes, I love her more and more all the time

- who tf was running into that other house if that woman was in her car

- omg wait is she actually gay???

- the fuckin scary/dramatic music everytime she looks at that star is stressing me out

- FUCK

- HELL YEAH RANGER WOMAN

- that's not gonna stop him but HELL YEAH

- girl you saw him get trash compacted wdym you believe he's dead now

- I'M SO STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW

- why do I feel like Krycek isn't really dead, am I just losing it cuz if this shows way of killing people and then they're not really dead?

- FUCK

- KILL HER REYES

- I'M SO STRESSED OUT

- THIS IS SO FUCKING INTENSE

- awww the lone gunman visited her 😭

- THE LEFT THE BABY WITH HER???? WHY???? AFTER ALL THAT?!?!?!?!

- SHE NAMED HIM AFTER HIS FATHER 😭

- I'm sorry but that was the most awkward kiss ever, whyyyyyy

Season 9

[mara-and-its-the-same]

“You are, of course, there at the counter when they walk in, and oh God, is that an Iron Maiden shirt you’re wearing? Fuck, as if he couldn’t be more into you.”

gorgeous, fabulous, i love her already <3

“You bend down to start picking up the tapes and years worth of Wayne’s lectures on behaving like a gentleman come flooding back to Eddie, so he quickly follows suit.”

I think about this all the time. There is no way Wayne would ever tolerate Eddie even looking at a woman with anything less than the utmost respect. I also think about Eddie and Steve doing the same with the boys, especially Dustin and Will.

“Maybe Eddie’s already dead and this is heaven.”

he’s such a peach, i love him so much, an absolute darling <3

“Hell, aside from a brief flirtation with Tammy Thompson”

poor Tammy Thompson oh my god. This girl cannot catch a break, she’s just a relationship stepping stone for these people. I think this is my formal declaration of being a Tammy Thompson apologist, she deserves better.

“You, though, he is into you. Very, very much into you.”

hehehhee i’m all giggly now☺️

““So, uh, get whatever you want I guess”, Eddie says.”

Such a darling

“He has to remind himself that it’d be weird to get them tattooed onto himself permanently.”

he’s so ugh, i love him

“You gave him his number and asked to see him again. You liked him.”

ok now i’m extra giggly

Thank you for writing this, i loved it sooosoosooo much 💖💖💖💖

Unsmooth Operator

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Femme!Reader

Summary: It’s summer in Hawkins and Eddie finds himself caught up on the cute girl working at the record store in the mall

Warnings: Reader uses she/her pronouns, brief mentions of sexual content (nothing sexual actually happens), swearing, potentially lethal levels of adorableness 

A/N: First of all, sorry it’s been so long since I posted my last fic. My poor little ADHD self is a slow writer, I’m afraid. But anyway, I kind of wrote this as a sort of prequel to my Henderson!Reader fic, but there’s no direct mention of Reader being related to anyone, so you can either read it as that or not. Also, special thanks to Mr. Joseph Quinn for confirming that Eddie Munson has no game. 

My Master List | Ao3

-

It’s June in Hawkins and the summer heat has already grown practically unbearable. The shitty window A/C unit Eddie’s been using has finally crapped out, and in the heat of the day the trailer is approximately the temperature of the sun. Mercifully, he’s found a sweet, air conditioned refuge in the newly built Starcourt mall, a temple to 20th century decadence and consumerism that also happens to be a very pleasant temperature inside. 

Jeff and Gareth are tagging along today, which is fun except for the quick pit stop they had to make at the homegoods store so Gareth could pick up some new linens for his mom. They’ve finished that now, though, and Eddie’s already got their next destination in mind. 

“I’m gonna do it”, Gareth insists as they go, “I’m gonna get a tattoo.”

“Your mom would kill you”, Jeff replies.”remember when she caught you smoking? I thought she wasn’t going to let us see you ever again after that.”

“It’s different now”, Gareth tells him, “I’m 16. I’m gonna be a junior. It’s time I make my own choices, you know?”

“Good luck with that”, Jeff laughs. 

“Let’s hit the record store next”, Eddie cuts in, “I want to pick up the new Bob Dylan album for Wayne.”

“More like you wanna see the cute girl working the register”, Jeff teases.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, Eddie retorts, desperately hoping his cheeks aren’t actually turning as red as he thinks they are.

In truth, he does have an ulterior motive for wanting to go to the record store, and it is you. You’ve been going to Hawkins High for the past three years, but admittedly Eddie had never really been more than vaguely aware of your existence until this past semester, when you two had PE together. He had this routine he’d do where he would imitate the gym teacher when the man wasn’t looking, and it never failed to elicit a giggle from you. One day Eddie noticed how cute you looked when you laughed and well, he’s been a little bit stuck on you ever since. 

“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Gareth comments, as if it’s just that easy.

Sweet, naive Gareth. Maybe for guys like Steve Harrington it’s that easy, but Eddie isn’t Steve Harrington. Gareth wasn’t there for Eddie’s early high school days. He wasn’t there during Eddie’s sophomore year when two hot juniors decided to prank him by convincing him their cheerleader friend was “super into him” or his junior year when he invited that girl from drama club to join Hellfire and she laughed out loud at him. Most girls don’t even want to be seen with Eddie “the Freak” Munson, let alone date him. 

“Jeff’s talking out of his ass”, Eddie lies, “come on, let’s go.”

You are, of course, there at the counter when they walk in, and oh God, is that an Iron Maiden shirt you’re wearing? Fuck, as if he couldn’t be more into you. 

“Um, Eddie, you good dude?” Gareth asks him and he realizes he’s stopped right there in the entrance of the store, just staring at you. He quickly turns away and walks the rest of the way into the store, thankful that you’re currently checking out a customer and probably didn’t notice him ogling you like a total weirdo. 

Admittedly, this may not have been a good idea, at least if he wants to convince Jeff and Gareth he’s not into you. He quickly grabs a Bob Dylan tape and starts making for the door, desperate to just get out of there and spare himself anymore humiliation.

“Um, you gonna pay for that?” Jeff asks and fuck. He’s shoplifted before but he’s not interested in getting barred from the record store, so he’s not gonna risk it today. 

“Right”, he mutters and then he forces himself to go up to the counter. 

He feels like his heart is going to explode in his chest when he walks up and you flash him that brilliant smile of yours.

“Hi, Eddie”, you greet and his eyes grow wide because you know his name. Well, obviously you did, you had a class together, but it just sounds so good coming from your mouth that he momentarily ceases to function. 

“Did you need help with something?” you ask after a moment.

“What?” Eddie asks, “oh no. Just um, just this.”

He sets the tape on the counter and you grab it to ring it up.

“Dylan”, you comment as you do, “not your usual fare.”

“It’s for my uncle”, Eddie explains, “he’s a big fan.”

“Cool”, you say, “I like your vest by the way. Dio. Nice.”

Well, that’s it. It’s over. Eddie’s done for. 

“That’ll be $6.30”, you say.

“Oh, right money”, Eddie sputters and fishes a ten out of his pocket. He knows Jeff and Gareth are standing nearby, watching this all play out and probably laughing with each other about it. He’s definitely never living this down.

“You want a bag”, you ask as you finish gathering his change. 

“Oh, I um, I guess”, he replies, not actually processing the question. You hand him his change, then place the tape in a bag and slide it over to him. He goes to grab it, and because he’s not at all paying attention to anything but you, inadvertently sends the display of Beach Boy tapes sitting on the counter tumbling to the floor.

“Oh shit”, he hisses, “oh fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay”, you reply, coming around the counter, “I keep telling Doug he shouldn’t put that stuff so close to the register.”

You bend down to start picking up the tapes and years worth of Wayne’s lectures on behaving like a gentleman come flooding back to Eddie, so he quickly follows suit.

“Let me help you”, he says.

“Thanks”, you say and you’re smiling again and Eddie kind of wants to die. 

With the two of you, it doesn’t take long to get everything cleaned up and back in order. 

“I’m really sorry”, Eddie says again as you make your way back behind the counter, and then before he can stop himself, he blurts, “maybe I could make it up to you somehow?”

“What?” you ask, clearly unsure of what he means.

“I mean like, maybe I could buy you a-a coffee or something sometime”, he stammers.

You peer at him for a moment, and he braces for the inevitable rejection he’s about to endure.

“I like ice cream”, you say, “if you meet me here at 3 tomorrow, you can buy me some ice cream and we’ll call it even.”

Maybe Eddie’s already dead and this is heaven. That or he’s being punked somehow. Either way, he stands there like an idiot for a second, trying to process that you just suggested the two of you meet for ice cream. 

“Um okay”, he says.

“Cool”, you grin, “see you then.”

“Right”, he says, “see you then.”

And then he’s swiping his bag from the counter and stiffly making his way back to Jeff and Gareth, his body still trapped in a state of shock.

“So”, Jeff prompts, “what was all that?”

“I um, I think I’m meeting her for ice cream tomorrow”, Eddie informs them. 

The two younger boys exchange glances, mouths stretching into a matching pair of shit eating grins. 

“Talking out of my ass, huh?” Jeff teases.

“Shut up”, Eddie snaps, “I’m just being polite okay? It’s not like a date or anything.”

“Sure it isn’t”, Gareth replies smugly. 

“Whatever”, Eddie huffs and the others know not to continue the conversation, even if they spend the rest of the afternoon exchanging amused glances at each other.

-

Eddie waits until he’s back at the trailer to let everything sink in. When it does, he feels a vague sense of panic washing over him. 

Embarrassing as it is, Eddie’s never had a real, serious girlfriend before. Hell, aside from a brief flirtation with Tammy Thompson that ended in a very awkward hand job in the school parking lot, he’s never really had any experience with girls (or boys for that matter) at all. And Tammy was the one that initiated that. He wasn’t even really into her, he was just desperate for some sort of female attention. 

You, though, he is into you. Very, very much into you. And he has no idea what the hell he’s supposed to do or say. He finally, finally has a chance to go out with his dream girl, and he’s almost certainly going to say something wrong and scare you off like pretty much everyone he’s ever been into. 

He wonders what the weather in Wisconsin is like this time of year, because he’s halfway to hopping in his van and heading there now, never to be seen or heard from in Hawkins, Indiana again.

Then again, maybe he’s over thinking it. It’s not like the word “date” ever came up in your conversation. Maybe this really is just him paying you back for his clumsiness, and afterwards you won’t even spare him a second thought. In the end, he figures that whatever the case, he’s not just going to leave you high and dry, so he has no choice but to go. 

-

Eddie shows up outside the record store at 2:45 the next day. He stands there awkwardly, fiddling with his rings and secretly hoping that you don’t show up and he doesn’t have to deal with all of this.

No such luck though, you appear exactly at 3, looking as cute as ever in your jean skirt. 

“Hey”, you greet and Eddie momentarily forgets how to speak.

“Hey”, he repeats, unable to formulate a coherent enough thought to do anything but copy your greeting.

“You ready to go?” you ask and he nods. 

The record store is a fair bit away from Scoops Ahoy, and for probably the first time in his life, Eddie finds himself unsure of what exactly to say. Thankfully, you take the lead.

“So, have you heard Megadeth’s album?” you ask, “I got it the first day it came out and I love it.”

“Me too”, Eddie says, and he can feel himself being knocked out of his stupor then, “you know, my friends and I have a metal band.”

“Really?” you ask.

“Yeah”, he tells you, “we perform Wednesdays at the Hideout, if you ever want to come see us.”

“I’ll keep that in mind”, you smile and Eddie thinks his heart momentarily stops. 

Walking into Scoops Ahoy with you by his side is an almost unreal experience. You and him go up to the counter and Steve Harrington is there in his little sailor suit that Eddie almost feels sorry that he’s forced to wear. 

“Hey Steve”, you greet.

“Hey Y/N”, Steve replies, and then he notices that Eddie’s with you and he gets this super confused look on his face. 

“So, uh, get whatever you want I guess”, Eddie says.

Once you two have ordered and gotten your ice cream, you eat it while idly wandering around the mall, just chatting about anything and everything. Eddie, as always, is frequently cracking jokes, and God is it mesmerizing to see the way you laugh in response. 

It’s quite the disappointment when you’re finishing your ice cream and you’re bidding him farewell. 

He knows he has to at least try to see you again so he tests the waters with a quick “that was fun, we should do it again sometime.”

“I’d like that”, you smile.

“Awesome”, he replies.

“Here”, you say, rooting around in your purse, “give me your hand.”

He obliges, and you produce a pen, which you use to scribble something onto his outstretched hand.

“What’s this?” he asks.

“My number”, you reply, “call me tonight or tomorrow?”

“Sure”, he tells you. 

“Great”, you say, “I’ll see you, Eddie.”

“See you”, he says, hoping he doesn’t sound as absolutely lovesick to you as he does to himself. 

You flash him one final smile before departing, and he just stands there awkwardly for a second, watching as you go. Once you’ve disappeared from sight and he’s snapped out of his trance, he peers down at the numbers you’d scrawled onto his hand. He has to remind himself that it’d be weird to get them tattooed onto himself permanently. He can’t believe that it worked. You went on a date with him, in public, and didn’t care if you were seen together. You laughed at his jokes. You gave him his number and asked to see him again. You liked him. 

The trailer is as unbearably hot as ever when he returns, but for once, he doesn’t care. He’s too excited to call you later and hopefully set up another date.