#and this isnt really something many people care about
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Hi I made a little thing! For Tolkien gen week! It's writing! for an incredibly obscure character
Day 1- Family, Mentorships, Community / Day 5- Culture, Diversity, Traditions
Tar-Ancalimë- Daughter of Ill-Pairing
@tolkiengenweek :)
(story below cut)
Her father had gone off to sea again for the last time, and her mother thought now of drowning herself in it. Her father had gifted her the sceptre, and she would only say it was a long time coming, for it had been nothing to him but a heavy plaything. Her father gifted her with it the bulk of his life’s dissatisfaction, and now it was hers upon her strong and unhappy hand. She held it well, they said, she held it like a man. She dearly hoped they were wrong.
Tar-Ancalimë fingered again the crown of silver and gold, pondering the slight ache of its wearing, the unforgiving shape of it. She must always wear her hair in tight and thick braids if this was to fit on her, which she did not mind. It was much preferable to the life of decorum and dust that was to be a princess, and she would rather run away into the hills than have her hair arranged like a fruit bowl every day. She was much too old for that, and so long had she waited for it to finally sit on her head that much of the novelty had already worn off.
She took the crown at least in part just for the satisfaction of her ego, and the knowledge that she would be a far better ruler than anyone else in the line of long-lasting childhood. She took the crown for many reasons- and it was another reason perhaps never to return to hateful Emerië. She had tried all other professions, and none suited her. Númenor was just not exceedingly large, and she had remained a princess whether she abided as a shepherdess or a wild thing in the woods, whether she covered her face in dirt or cut her braids and wore men’s clothing. The men saw her, and knew her, and still called her beautiful. Ancalimë did not understand the meaning of the word, and never wished to. Suitors spoke of her long, thick braids and deep olive skin, her dark lips, her long and regal nose, how she glowed when wearing white and gold. In her face, she only saw her mother and father, as everywhere else.
So a queen she would be instead, and here she returned, and knelt like a soldier to receive the crown. As soon as it was upon her head, she told her father to go play off at sea. It was as if she had severed his chains, and he smiled, and was soon gone.
Her rooms were still here, in the palace, and she returned to them now, with a bitter and cloying feeling. When her father had returned the first time, he had been much surprised to realize his child continued to exist in his absence, and had bidden her to Armenelos, away from her home in the country. He had given her everything. The rooms were grand and decorated and filled for her with things she did not like, or at least had not liked since she had been very small. There were useless gifts made of the gold of Middle Earth, gifts of the grey-elven peoples, worthless souvenirs of places she had little interest in. Aldarion thought they would make her happy, in some convoluted way. Aldarion thought perhaps they would make her his daughter, and not the daughter of Erendis.
Perhaps if she had been raised the son of Aldarion, they might have. If she had grown up at sea in the company of merry and singing men, eating salted crap, waving to foreign forests and elves who had not left them since before the rising of the sun, running from all responsibility- Maybe then she would have been happy, taken up a sword and drawn blood of strangers, and grown to be a senseless king, quickly siring an heir and leaving all care of it and the woman to someone else.
But in this world, she was her terrible mother’s terrible daughter. In this one her father left again, and she was only glad for it. She had explored all other pathways, and all only led again here.
The room had been redecorated long ago, but now the wallpaper began to peel, and beneath it still lay a pattern of twin birds, stained and filled with dust.
Ancalimë turned to the maid beside her, looking upon the rooms. “Now that I am finally queen, I may leave this place for the royal chambers, correct? It is not as if my parents have ever used them.” She surveyed the chamber she had inhabited through her adolescence, and would be glad to leave it, having few happy memories or well-slept nights within. “I would like to enjoy a larger bed and higher view. Those rooms may grant me a far glimpse of my homeland, instead of the sea.”
It was a bittersweet thing, of course. Her father had ruined the sea, her mother had ruined the northwoods, her father had ruined the trees. Everyone upon Númenor had ruined the pastures, but the palace was little better. She could not answer if questioned how this made sense to her. The place where she had power remained the best option, as she had roamed the whole island and found only more of her parents and the endless politics of marriage. Never again to the pastures would she return, nor would she speak to her mother, and she would not learn of her death until far after it had occurred. Neither would she weep, until she had barricaded herself somewhere far away, for her mother would curse her name if she had bent to weeping.
(She would do it anyway, no matter how her mother had ruined her.)
They would return to the sea, and she would stay on land, stubborn and unforgiving.
The maid pursed her lips, and threaded her hands together. “Oh, well, your highness, not yet, see- the royal chambers are only for a wedded king and queen. Surely you may enjoy them as soon as you have found a suitable man, but until then you will not have need for more than a maiden’s chambers.”
Ancalimë narrowed her eyes. “It’s your majesty.”
The maid looked down. “I am sorry, I am just unused to it is all. We have never had a queen ruler, and I have known you so long.”
Ancalimë seethed and set off down the hall, and the maid followed. “I am not a maiden. I am two hundred years old, and I have waited long enough to have my way. I will not marry. There is no one whom I would marry, and I truly do not expect that to change.”
Her maid was now bent with age, and unmarried as well, for she dismissed any that chose to. But the little lady bowed her head and sighed. “Now surely that is unwise. No one would wish you rule without a king.”
“Well then the land shall be disappointed, for this is my rule, and no one else’s.”
“But do you not wish for love?” the maid asked, grieved. “You are lonely, I know this. You talk to yourself. You wander at night, and never speak to your family except to bid them leave.”
She made her way to the balcony, and wished to be left alone, if nothing else, if somehow the highest office in the land would still not let one live as they wished. When she had been young, Aldarion had once promised she would have everything she had ever wanted. Aldarion appeared to think she wanted different things, for now she was only less free than ever before.
“I am not lonely. You see me talking little because every man who has ever dared to speak with me wishes only to take me as his wife,” she shouted, and kicked open the balcony’s doors. “I do not wish for love, and I do not understand anyone who would. I ask you, for neither are you married. Would you truly wish to give up your autonomy? To share your secrets, your bed, your own body and heart? It seems to me that all lovers have caught a disease I want no part in. I see what it has done to my mother.”
The maid set a hand on her shoulder, and smiled sadly. “I am not married, yes, but I would be if I could. Not all love is as unhappy as that which you come from. I have lived long with my lover, and I would not give her up.”
The queen looked out upon her kingdom, and still did not understand. “I am glad you are happy where my parents were not. But I would not have a woman in my bed either. I enjoy sleeping, and I enjoy being alone. Two things I am already exceptionally deprived of.”
The wind was fair, the sky was clear and the city streets were still decorated for her coronation, though very few were happy to see her take her due, and a thousand relatives and suitors had not yet gotten the order to vacate the palace at once. Far away to the west, Gil-Estel glittered, and was a guide only for those that ventured at sea. It was ever silent to her.
In her hand was a piece of paper now older than half the men in the capitol, and on it was a list, written by her at the tender age of fifteen. She looked down to the maid, who had followed her anyway, and held it up, reading it aloud in a strong and bitter voice.
“Rules I am going to make when I am queen.” She looked down, reading the bulleted list. “Number one, divorce is legal. Number two, my father has to get one. Three, all my servants get free horses and we ride them every day.” Ancalimë turned red, moving on to the next one. “Four, I never have to get married and no one is ever allowed to bother me about it ever again.”
The list went on, for an embarrassingly long while.
“It appears that most of these things are beyond my reach even now. Already my cousins call me to surrender my crown.” She narrowed her eyes. “But it is mine, and as long as I can I will live how I wish. Tradition means nothing to me, and my father is not here. This is my palace, and I shall sleep in the royal chambers. Alone. You may inform the rest of the staff of this order. I am tired.”
The maid frowned, bowing and hurrying away. Ancalimë threw the list to the wind, and closed the door, walking with head held high, holding still to her dwindling ground, high above all others.
The weight of the family hung like cobwebs upon her crown. The decisions of Elros were not hers. No legends ever taught made space for such a queen. When she had as a child walked through these massive libraries, all stories of the ancients were love stories.
Her mother had told her when she was young that Númenor was no place for a sane woman, and all was but a collection of the power fantasies, the land of gift to happy men. Her mother told her she would never be happy. But her mother had told her many things, and most were nonsense.
Perhaps the land of gift was not made for her, nor would it remember her well. But she inherited it whether anyone wished her to or not, and Tar-Ancalimë would live as she willed.
Far away on the open sea, Aldarion spent his last days on stormy waters, free as a child, and knew he should never have married. Near enough, on the ports of Rómenna, Erendis stood again as a sailor’s wife, and did not speak nor weep, grey and spent on nothing she had been able to keep. Though free of the house of Elros she would never be, the daughter of the ill-pairing would never suffer from such an affliction, and did not grieve it one bit.
#rowan screams into the void#tolkiengenweek#tar-ancalime#the fall of Númenor#this is the first time ive ever actually finished something in time to post it for one of these challenges damn (wrote this all today)#i might post this on ao3 but idk its short#and this isnt really something many people care about
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it
#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags#nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk#anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes#but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ???#and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal#overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks#and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun#its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles#and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus#and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend#because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3#well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum#also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying#regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always#knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually#and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes#(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them)#and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something#overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain..#my expectations also werent very high in the first place#so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk#and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more#like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this
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I'm gonna be honest I never expected pokemon horizons to be up there as one of my favorite shows currently when I was first intrigued by it last april, but it keeps surpassing my expectations. I'm emotional.
#vi rambling#pokemon#its just. such a joy. i read the interviews with the voice actors last night and it filled me with so many emotions because like...#these voice actors Get their characters. and all the careful details i pick up are very much intentional on the writers and performers part#and its!! SUCH A TREAT!!! to see that the people working on it are just as enthusiastic about it as me.#the mystery being so well set up and the character arcs being so cathartic to watch i feel like im Rewarded for my analysis and noticing#all these details. its just so lovely.#also the fact that this series knows how to prioritize it's cast members so well? our trio is so so great. and i cant believe im saying thi#*this. but there isnt a single character in this series so far that i blatantly dislike. despite the cast being as large as it is.#hell it made me love characters i felt nothing for or straight up disliked in the games. the writing and characterization are that good.#because theyre all quintessential to the main cast's character arcs. idk i just. love this series a lot and im in disbelief it keeps#its level of writing just as high even now. even in this arc that lowered my expectations.#the interviews... bits that stood out to me were definitely ms terasaki noting that amethio looks miserable in the explorers (something tha#is only implied but is conveyed well enough because this series is great at nuanced storytelling)#and ms suzuki saying seeing rika animated made her really excited. me too. i get you. i still freak out whenever shes on screen#and of course their lovely analysis of the characters... mitsuki saiga's portion about liko especially. also anything by yoppi my goat <3#its just so great to see them appreciate everything and put so much thought into it. man im emotional.#and i say this carefully because admittedly im not huge on the dlc characters coming next chapter. but I'll put my trust in them.#dai sato having worked on bebop and samurai champloo definitely reflects in the writing quality.#anipoke
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The new channel 4 documentary on the miners strike is fantastic. It covers different points of view, from the striking miners, to working miners, to the women in striking communities, to the police. It also shows how the Battle of Orgreave on 18th June 1984 was planned and initiated by the police, and how the media (BBC and ITV) covered this up and showed only the police's side, while positioning them as being the victims of miners' violence (which was very minimal to non existent in reality), who simply retaliated because the "restrained...traditional British policing way" (I have to laugh) didn't work.
I also didn't know until watching this that Gareth Peirce, who represented the Guildford Four and the Birmingham Six, also defended mineworkers who were victims of police brutality at Orgreave. What a woman!
#british history#working class history#miners strike#acab#im so interested in this period of history + chose this topic specifically as part of a british history module last year#so im really glad that this docuseries was made for the 40th anniversary and i hope it is never forgotten#and i often think about how miscarriages of justice against working class british people are exactly the same as#british miscarriages of justice against irish people. i was thinking this when watching#at one point an interviewee even says something like 'obviously i'd seen this happen in northern ireland but i never expected it to#happen in england!' and the way the police acted obviously made me think of what they did in the north of ireland#and the gareth peirce connection just confirmed it. but how many people saw those connections?#how many of the miners who were beaten by police saw the same things happen to irish people but didnt care? or thought they deserved it?#this isnt to blame them..they were fed lies that the irish were terrorists...but it suggests to me that this oppression is connected#also similar is how RE the post office scandal a lot of people were shocked that british justice had failed#a man in the drama even said that it was britain and he was british and that british justice wouldnt let them down#and you just think like...do you not know what british 'justice' did to innocent irish people? do you think they deserved it?#did you think you were immune because you were british? in ireland we know there is no such thing as british justice.#but british people never seem to learn this history lesson#what a better world it would be if working class british (and irish) people could recognise our similarities and joint sufferings as a#result of the british state. its quite frustrating to watch british people constantly put faith in their gov/justice system#learn from your own history!! they dont care about you!!
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bitching abt my job again
tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia
#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind#for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at#and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years#only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down#despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down#so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen#and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it#and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first#--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl#bc of course they dont give a shit about the library#they just care about how scary the queers are#and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town#and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time#(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the#--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting#the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display#its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages#talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w#--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens#sourse: i was one of tgose#and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk#and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look#--elsewhere#bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater#--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education#i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too#but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in#--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on
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btw if there's a slim to none chance of the next nintendo console getting teased at the direct i'm gonna say a hot take
i do not care for the idea of the switch 2
#is it likley? yes ofc#im fully expectibg some type of followup a la what the 3ds is to the ds#but i feel like so many people are betting on it to be an acutal gaming powerhouse w 4k 65 ffps 170 kiloflops etc#but thats really not nintendos pace#nintendo has a see a need fill a need thing. they make a silly gadget w a cute gimmick or two that isnt ridiculously powerful#but it takes full advantage of its limitations#even if it gets overlooked as time passes it brings something thats at the very least different from the average console#its not big n strong but its memorable at least. and i like that#and also im just of it. if i hear one more 'the switch 2 will be the most powerful ever!' im gonna smash something#again#a switch successor makes a lot of sense#but i feel like this would be time nintendo moves onto the next gimmick of the decade#wheres your whimsy#also i completely forgot to mention abt nintendos intended audience. most families / kids probably dont care about specs so long as the-#-games are entertaining and good#n the price of have the biggest and best hardware would not fit in well w that#i should write an essay. that is all#nintendo direct
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your tags on parenting make me super emotional <3 that's exactly the kind of parent I want to be one day
Thanks! I feel the same way honestly. I have a lot of opinions about parenting and I can't say that I will be the perfect parent because that doesn't exist. I can't even say that my hypothetical future kid/kids will be perfect because children don't grow in a vacuum. I can only control what I do and say and try to be the best version of myself and hope for the best.
#i often hear people say that involved parenting is too difficult to be realistic or that modeling behavior is too hard#and yeah. yeah it is. it is one of the most difficult things a person can do. but who the fuck has a kid thinking it'll be easy?#kids are hard work and commitment. they should never be something done on a whim. you should never half ass raising a kid#and not to say that people should be perfect all the time or that people shouldn't have 'me' time#its just that i genuinely don't understand people who shove their kid into as many activities as possible to get away from them#or put all their hopes and dreams and expectations on them. if it's so easy and attainable to live up to your expectations as a parent#then do it first. you want your kid to have straight A's? great. show me your report card at that age#im just... kids are just people. and they just want to hang out with their parents and receive love and attention#and anyway ive lost my point im just very passionate about this topic#very passionate#when im older and financially stable I want to foster teenagers i think. i want to be there for them and model healthy adult behavior#and help them make that transition. i want to be that person for them. because everyone needs help and love and family#and honestly? my parents fostered kids my entire life. THEY MODELED THAT BEHAVIOR#i understand that family is not a given. i understand that family is above all else forged. and that applies to everyone#not just found family or fostering. if you don't know your bio child then can you really call yourself family?#family is *forged* regardless of the context. and if it isn't? if you skip that step with your bio kids? well thats a major fucking issue#anyway nothing but respect for my parents who bought groceries for my foster sister when she was out of care. FOR MONTHS#nothing but respect for my parents who took me with them to give my foster sister their old stroller when she needed it#nothing but respect for my parents who take in my old foster brother every weekend to 'babysit' because they know he isnt in a loving house#nothing but respect for my parents who adopted my siblings without a word when they asked#honestly they are why i am who i am today. i was a kid with adhd and learning disabilities who hated school#and now I'm an honors student and getting my doctorate. because they did the academia with me#and im not saying they did my schoolwork. im saying that they assigned books to read over the summer and we would read them as a family#and we would discuss the literary concepts and themes together as a family. i love dissecting media! and thats because of my parents!#it was a family activity! same goes for science and art and music#and coding and history ect ect#anyway im going off on a tangent but basically what im saying is that my parents didn't ship me off to camp every summer#we just did things as a family together. i remember the time and bonding with them. and i modeled that behavior#and not to brag but i think I turned out alright#anyway tangent over!
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My anxiety and depression feel like the ocean. Even when I'm not drowning in it, I'm having to fight to swim and it's exhausting. Even when I'm not swimming in it, it's still there, waves greedily lapping at my feet. It's always there.
I don't talk about it because there isn't much to say. Everyone already knows the ocean exists, yknow? Telling them it does just seems redundant.
Even when I'm sitting safely on the shore I can't stop thinking about it, staring at it, swaying where I stand because I've forgotten what it feels like to stand without the waves. Just waiting for the tide to rise again because I know it has to. Waiting for the ocean to disappear even though I know it never could.
#this wasn't meant to sound poetic or anything. jts just something i cant stop thinking about#anyway just some musing about chronic depression and anxiety#it never feels easier. it never feels better. its all just part of the cycle#all of my friends know. they all know what i go througj#and it isnt quite that they dont care. its more like its just routine to them#like 'oh opossum wants to kill himself? opossum cant take the fear and exhaustion anymore?' just another monday to them#all the while the people who have never been to the ocean before tell me to keep swimming. tell me it gets better#tell me to get out and dry off#because in their minds the worst its been was the deep end of a swimming pool#i cant hate them for not drowning with me. its not like i would do anything different in their place really#its just angering#because i have no way to make anyone understand#i dont want to be alone but i dont want people to drown with me#i dont know what to do and i never have#im always waiting for something to change#but no matter how many people come into my life with beach towels and buckets for hauling water#theyll never make the ocean shallow or dry me off
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Hey oi no. A milestone is a milestone!!! You’re doing fantastically, and congratulations on 80 kudos! ❤️
<3 Thank you! It means a lot to me <3 It feels like a very silly thing to care about because it's not like actually all that impressive in this fandom (there are other fandoms I've written for where like 10 kudos makes me jump for joy, but ML is a lot bigger) and I especially feel silly when I know there are so many writers that have multiple fics at 1k+ kudos who would never give me the time of day. But like, why bother waiting for a miracle to happen? I just want to feel honored anyone read it and take the time to enjoy my dumb little arbitrary milestones!
#ask#anonymous#thanks this was really nice!!!#i feel simultaneously very silly but also like. why not be silly#i spent so much time caring about metrics because i desperately wanted other writers to like me and make friends#like you know how there are so many people in fandom who just will not care about someone else unless theyve#met a certain threshold of fandom fame? like you dont need to be a bnf but you need to have one fic that did well#or one art piece that did well or was reblogged by a bnf or something#like your work isnt good unless it has been collectively decided by fandom that it's good#I'm just like tired of failing that all the time. clearly these people dont want to be friends with me and thats okay?#like if theres nothing i could do that would make them like me then. they just wouldnt like me so why would i want to be friends#with someone who will never like me ajsdklf it's so stupid#anyway so now I'm just gonna be happy for my stupid accomplishments because it's okay this is the best i can do#and i'm allowed to be weirdly happy for stupid reasons !
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Ithinks we need to relax. Dtop worrying about the littlest dumb things and get actually upset when something is bad maybe.
#maygpe the tumblr update is really bad and we need to yell at them i agree#and keep talking about the strikes and revolutions#y are we fighting more about syscourse rn#system babbles#osdd#actually osdd#wtf is going on wasn't tulpamancy fine#also isnt there many versions for many reasons like#ALSO as far as I've researched it isnt a closed term#why do i keep seeing people argue about endos on my dash good LORD who cares#everyone experiences something and 1 thing is Not limited within 1 group of people almost ever ever ebrf#like pelase get a ggrip reality is murky confusing and all grey areas#labels are helpers not exclusionary fences#syscourse#negative#dni if youre gonna be a dick
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what you eat has an impact on the environment thats just a fact. how u choose to mitigate that might be trying to use locally sourced produce, it might be growing your own, it might be reducing meat intake, it might be supporting community food initiatives, it might just be buying un-packaged produce or avoiding out-of-season fruit, or maybe ur not in a position to do anything. but stop fucking listening to people who tell you that the other regular people who choose to do a different thing from this list than you do are the enemy to distract you from who’s really creating the problem. if you spend more time railing at vegans than you do at monsanto and cargill and ADM then you’re literally falling into the same trap as someone who makes 40k and complains about the minimum wage being increased
#a lot of u guys are straight up brainwashed and think its really leftist somehow who else cringed#DISCLAIMER this is not to say white vegans dont do stupid racist things#but to argue that white vegans are not more racist as a group than like other white people#like. have the same reaction when indigenous land is taken over for animal agriculture#i think its very weird and sad to make it a competition rather than recognising corporate food production as the shared proble#and if u actually care abt farmers then get mad at john deere lol#i cant stand the either/or thing w vegetarianism/veganism#when someones like oh ur vegetarian to mitigate the impact on the environment?? ummm what about [vegetable that can be farmed unethically]??#girl do you not fucking eat vegetables??get help#also so many of them are just not true like the quinoa thing is sooo annoying because its not true#no one even knows exactly what they think is wrong with quinoa theyre just lke umm isnt it bad#actually one of the biggest concerns quinoa farmers have is that the fad won't last and then they'll be plunged into poverty#and the soy thing everyone repeats okay well again. vegans arent responsible for the majority of soy consumption but also#consumption literally accounts for like 5% of soy production#most of it is for ANIMAL FEED and biofuels.#the same applies to like vegans who get mad at people who buy locally sourced meat etc etc but tahts not what i see on this website#i mean anyone whos getting mad at regular ppl over literally trying to do something good for the environment is an idiot
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God im... Probably too nice but it's fine
#miranda talking shit#I wanted to talk about a thing but...noticed quickly that they were not in a good mood/mindset so ofc i didnt even bring it up#I mean the talk was good anyway. I think he... Needed that. We talked about feelings and how to handle them#And at one point he stopped and turned to me and went 'that thing you said about getting another perspective on it... Thats smart. Thats#A very good idea. Im going to try that' not like im good at dealing with emotions. But i try to and that's a thing i know have helped me at#Times. Discussed our goals/dreams and well... I cant agree with his or understand it at all but as long as he thinks thats what he wants#Then im not going to argue. Love how he always drone on about he doesn't care about anyone or what anyone thinks but still wants to hear#What i think. I told him that was funny to me. Bc imo one doesnt ask about something one doesn't care about or have any interest in...#He's been a lot more... Curious about what i think about things and its fun. Personally im just fairly weak in my opinions. Not many things#I think are worth fighting over or arguing over tbh. So im used to just listening and nodding. But that may annoy the shit out of him lmao#That might be why he asks me about my opinion bc im so quiet and passive . But yeah very interesting to discuss#Mainly bc i havent heard anyone have that kind of opinion and goal of their own so it was fun?#But yeah ngl i love hearing people say im wise or smart. Bc i obviously dont hear that often. So when i do im like ah ... Thank you 😭#Its bc im not book smart but i guess im emotionally smarter or whatever. In general i just enjoy making people think about other perspectiv#Bc i always do that and enjoy it. Think many are unintentionally stuck in their own way of seeing things and everything become so black and#White. To me the world isnt . I wish it was but no everything is gray with many shades lol#Also me doing and example: 'i dont think everything is your fault oliver. I think its my own'#Oliver serious: yeah well i dont think its your fault either Miranda.' i almost cried like... He didn't have to say that i was obviously#Doing an example and joking ? But he still ... Said that and im like...thabk you for reassuring me...#And he really went 'i fought hard to be the one that came by here today. It was going to be another guy which me and magnus hate. So i#Fought hard to be able to come here instead' and im like 🥺... Thank you... I wasnt there to fight but thank you for doing that...#I mean im guessing he also enjoys our conversations so i dont think it was a selfless thing but it made me happy :')#If i could have any say I'd basically only have magnus and oliver come by me but i know thats not how it works but it made me happy that he#Went out of his way to get it changed. I need to thank him again next time... At least he seemed to be a little lighter leaving than when#He came. So i hope our discussion was a bit helpful at least. Something had happened and i asked him if he wanted to talk about it#And he said no first and then 'maybe. We'll see' which to me is major bc uh.... He usually dont ever talk about anything happening actively#To me. Usually he comes and shares it 6 month later or something. So... Trust increase? I hope im rubbing off on him in healthier mental#Ways. Considering he's gone from saying nothing about himself to trauma dumping ... I guess something has changed. God i just#Want to pick his brain about everything for real. He has such diffrent values and priorities than im used to and anyone i know have. I love#Hearing all about it. Ive told him before but if we didn't meet through this... Unusual way. We'd never would have naturally. And if we did
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You know what. It's never that serious. Just chill.
#oh so you messed up and gave a gauze to the doctor who kept asking for a swab big whoop#so you blurted out a semi intrusive thought to a doctor you dont work with and couldn't tell by her reaction whether she was offended or not#people perceive you as something other than the perfect obedient little worker bee you try to come off as? boohoo#it doesnt matter! these little things dont matter. them seeing flawed but harmless parts of your personality is not the end of the world#not all of their opinions matter#white man asked you about your religion and you're not sure if you explained it well and whether he was being judgy or genuinely curious so?#it is not solely your responsibility to make it palatable and educational for them#its okay if he judged you#their judgement doesnt matter#they dont even give it a second thought let alone the many you are giving them#so just chill. its okay. it really isnt that serious.#just vibe and enjoy ajd have a good time while working hard for your goals and pray#thats all#take care self you are doing okay
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#god i wish i could talk to someone abt how i feel. but the only people i can talk to are the ones who are making me feel this way#my sister really wants me to move out and find myself but then id just be alone in this state. i dont have amy other family or friends here#and i would never want to move back to california. too many unhappy feelings and being around my mom would probably just make me feel worse#i wish i could talk to my roommates about how i feel but i think one will get mad at me and the other will shut down again#i want to feel happy and normal so bad but i just feel so sad and alone all the time#whats wrong with my brain. i wish i could just take something and make this all go away#im so tired of crying. at least my roommates cant hear me rn#if only i ciuld just disappear. i guess im not doing well if being at work makes me feel more happy and wanted than i am at home#i would actually love to work over 40 hours rn. being there at least gets my mind off things.#when im there im not sitting around all the time crying or being mute.#ash rambles#i wish i knew what to do. where to go so i can feel happy again#i should feel happy. im not struggling with money. i have friends who mostly care about me. my job isnt terrible#yet it doesnt feel good. i dont feel happy. instead i just think about all the ways im not good enough. i dont deserve any of this#i wish i could disappear#get consumed in the deep ocean or something#that would be nice.
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man it sucks so many people on here have absolutely convinced themselves that entire categories of consumer goods like perfume are bougie. you are depriving yourself of little treats by just assuming you cant ever afford anything! this isnt an avocado toast post either im not saying 'just save up and buy it lol', i would never say that, what im saying is perfume (that is: scents in liquid, paste, oil or solid form intended to be worn as a personal adornment) as a commodity starts at "free" and gradually increases in price from there. my favorite perfumes are priced everywhere between $0 and $300. one of the most lauded amber scents in the world (regrettably JUST discontinued), "Amber Paste" by Kuumba Made, is one of those little hippie oils you get at Whole Foods and it cost $10.
and im not telling you to wear perfume, obviously people have allergies and shit, or just dont care for it, im talking to the people who WANT to own fragrances. im saying they aren't all going to cost $150.
you can also get unlimited (unlimited over a long enough timeline, they limit you to a couple or three per visit) free samples at a lot of sephoras and nordstroms if you live somewhere that has those stores (this depends on the location and a lot of other organic factors, you'll have to check ahead of time or just try it if you're nearby, it's sort of random). if you're actually buying something at sephora (and they have a lot of stuff that isn't a million dollars as well, despite their branding) ask for every free sample at checkout that they have. they will often load you up, and not just with perfume. secondhand outlets like Value Village and Goodwill also do huge business in perfume because people are ALWAYS donating it.
sephora also does perfume refills. if you actually do buy a full size bottle, they can refill it for much less than buying a whole new bottle of the stuff. i don't know exactly how much it costs because i havent used this service myself. and idk how careful yiou have to be about reeceipts either, but look into it if you bought a full size and its running out
idk it just bums me out there are all these people who actually want perfume and seem to think it's out of their price range. the really basement-tier dupes of popular brand scents are so good these days it's often worth dropping the $10 at Walmart or Rite Aid too.
some of my favorite ever perfumes were some weird crap i got in a crystal wizard store, or a drug store, or a goodwill, or whatever. if you want perfume you can get it
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