#and this has really helped me cope with the obsessive behaviors

[firesidefandoms]

A hack to make doing dishes (especially without a dishwasher) a little easier for all you fellow neurodivergents: (Not saying this will work for everyone, but it has really helped me so just in case, here you go!)

Get rubber gloves. These really helped me with sensory problems- less "ick gross food on my hands and under my nails" or obsessively washing my hands with a temperature that is way too hot. Plus, the gloves provide a little more heat tolerance, so if you're like me and like the water to be as hot as possible for dishes... well these have prevented multiple burns. ALSO!! Your hands don't get wet... which if you have chronically dry skin this is a hand saver!!

A scrub brush soap dispenser, like this!!

It's incredibly useful- I fill it with soap and dilute it with water before doing dishes and then it's good to go! I found that it really helped me use less soap since I wasn't obsessively adding more every couple minutes. It's also nice as a 2in1 soap and scrubby, which reduces the amount of times you have to switch your focus.

And my favorite tip: Pick a show to watch along with it, and- if this is appealing to you- make it a game; try to race and finish the dishes before the episode ends!! Or just enjoy a nice show!!

Alright, hope these helped someone as much as they have helped me!!

[gladiatorcunt]

- JOYRIDE / VIII.

i drink the honey inside your hive

cw: kinktober prompt (daddy kink), southern florist president’s secret child!reader x secret service agent!toji, reader has a vagina, tits used to refer to your chest, age gap (toji is 47 and reader’s early-mid 20’s), dad bf type shit, willing to expand on this, hints of political intrigue and fictional plots, toji x your mom mention, implied and eventual betrayal (not of reader), typical politician behavior, parental neglect & it’s consequences, anal & lack of proper anal prep, dirty talk, light pet play, arguable one sided incest role play & possible actual incest, plus sized!reader, gun play mention, underlying mental health issues, mention of itafushi, flower language, dead dove do not eat

please do not repost, translate, or feed this work to ai

kinktober 2024

“There. After nearly breaking my back, the seeds are all planted, finally.”

You'd like to be buried under this magnolia tree, it would be a pretty funeral. Black outfits against the white backdrop of rare winter snow. You have big dreams for this sapling, clearly, as unassuming and drab as it appears freshly planted in the soil of your garden. The ones you’re mom took care of are all gone, maybe they got up and walked after her to somewhere on the horizon. If it doesn’t get so hot the state gets put under another burn ban next summer, this little thing should grow into a beautiful thing that obviously showcases how not depressed you are.

Could a depressed person cope with grief by growing a new life? Well, you wouldn’t know, coping isn’t on your to-do list for a long time if ever. What’s the point of getting better when you’re just going to feel bad again?

Whatever, you shake your head and head back into the shop, you have bills to pay and moping around won’t do anything to help with them. Since you live in a pretty small town, it’s a slow day like always. That is until a tough looking man steps in through the door, opening it and making the bell ding.

His loud sports car is still on and roaring outside, a bright yellow Alfa Romeo 4C.

The man notices your wandering eye and smirks, “You like it, doll? Didn’t take you for someone who’d be interested in cars.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s cool. Must have cost you a lot.”

“Nah. I bought it off one of my buddies at work, fixed it up myself. Well, me and my son’s boyfriend that is. You lookin’ to get somethin’ like that for yourself?”

You’re not really on the market for one, no, because it’s loud as hell and practically rumbling in your ear. You rub it off and ask him what he wants, forgetting some of your politeness, but this man doesn’t seem like he’d care if you spit in his face and kicked him in the balls.

“I’m not from around here.” He rasps and adjusts his sunglasses, leaning one heavy arm on the counter and cocking his hip out, “DC, actually. I’m lookin’ for somebody. You could call it confidential business.”

You hum and narrow your eyes, “Unless that confidential business involves a funeral or getting out of the doghouse with somebody, I can’t help you.”

Suddenly you remember your mother telling you about a big shot politician that knocked her up with you, how he hid you both away when she told him she was pregnant. Your mother was down on her luck 16 year old diner girl, and apparently the politician knew all too well how to use and discard her. The money was enough for your mom to give up her dreams and keep you in this town. When you’ve lived so long without what you think you should, you’re fine to obsessively make sure you never go without again.

He’s the president now anyway, even more reason to make sure you’re the bug that stays squashed under the rock.

The man with the mouth scar notices and decides to drop the act, sighing and taking out his gun. He doesn’t shoot you, just scratches underneath his chin with the puzzle and pointedly makes eye contact with you.

“Okay, let’s cut the shit. My name’s Toji Fushiguro, and I know that you’re who I'm after just as much as you know why i’m here, so why don’t ya just appreciate that y’r old man wants you back and come with me?”

You grit your teeth but you know there’s only one way this interaction is going to end is with you getting in the passenger seat of this nutjob’s car. He watches you shut everything off in the shop and leave a message for the only other employee, asking them to take over until you can come back. He’s a gigantic wolf, tall and silent in the corner, keeping his eyes constantly on his prey. Toji’s never let a bunny or prickly house cat out of his sight in his entire career, but in his current line of work it’s at least legal. Essentially.

“Pretty flowers ya got here.” He says, prolonging your unease. “Maybe his office could use some of these, dull ass beige box that it is.”

Your lips quirk up despite the awful situation, “Yeah I guess. The camellias are new, but hellebores are my favorites, I think. Not many people are into flowers this time of year, but I don’t have anything else to do.”

Toji nods, leading you out of the shop with a hand at the small of your back and oddly content to let you stress babble.

“I’m nowhere near good enough to do arrangements for the White House anyway, regardless of who’s sitting all cozy in it.” You spit and bite one of your nails, nipping at a piece of a hangnail. “Probably’d just throw some buttercups, yellow carnations, orange lillies on the floor, a bit of aconite in there too.”

You know that the agent corralling you into his car doesn’t have a damn clue what you’re talking about, but he seems at ease the more you relax into the leather car seat.

You make yourself fall asleep when he puts the car into drive and speeds down the street.

You’ve been in DC for about a week now, without ever actually meeting your dad of course but you’ve met plenty of his staff after Toji introduced you. He’s a secret service agent, who was given the special task of watching over the president’s only child, you can tell he’s not that happy about it.

Probably not as much action as there’d be in his usual position, you’re very willing to go with their plans of you laying low and staying inside most of the time. You’re still so confused, none of this makes any sense at all. You’ve lived your whole life without being involved in any of this but it’s only when your mother’s dead and your father can’t ignore you anymore that he wants to claim you?

It’s all another move in the game towards the re-election. At least he’s a better president than a father, but that’s not by much. Promises to address climate change and the country’s oil dependance getting pushed to the side, worsening class issues and trickle down economics, putting up more anti-homeless measures. You wish you felt like you could leave, but the tiny sliver of hope that by some weird miracle you could do something keeps you from being bold.

There’s nothing you could actually do anyway, you’re never going to be a part of the groups that their agendas support. You’ll always be the small town reject who saw meth addicts at the local gas station more than your own father.

You and Toji have gotten closer, by necessity and the sheer oddity of being polar opposites. You’re both equally as prickly though in different ways, birds of a molted feather. He’s there when you wake up, there during your mundane day, and there outside your door when you go to sleep. Even if you wouldn’t have liked your “bodyguard”, and you’re not sure you do, the distance between the two of you decreasing was inevitable.

He delivers you food, opens your jars, fixes the pipes in your penthouse, drives you everywhere you want to go in the city, carries your books for you in a bookstore, kneels down beside you in the dirt so he can help you with weeding out your garden, and keeps an itemized list of period supplies and your favorite things.

Your favorite minor holiday is national cherry day, he puts a reminder on his phone with the help of his son to always stop by the supermarket and get you some.

You feel like Whitney Houston right now, and if late at night you listen to her albums more than your mom did growing up, fantasizing about a 40+ year old man who treats you like a bug he has to keep alive, then no one has to know.

But no other man’s gonna do

So i’m saving all my love for you

You also think he’s going to assassinate your father. Sometimes you’ll hear hushed whispers late at night between Toji and someone on the phone, he’ll break protocol and leave you alone to duck into another person’s office and end up leaving with a grim look on his face.

You’ve seen the logs he keeps of your father’s whereabouts, which he should have anyway. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but you get the most awful storm in your gut when you see them under a gun that’s never been fired, like it has a special purpose.

You only speak to your father briefly, tense hellos and goodbyes exchanged over the bridge of a too tight handshake. You immediately expressed your distaste for being involved in his political career and he accepted that, letting you galavant on your merry way around town with his most dangerous agent. Ahead of Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Nanami Kento, and Sukuna Ryomen, your father’s closest gaggle of hyenas.

You call them that because you could easily imagine drool dripping from their jowls if they felt so inclined to attack, to devour.

They give Toji their own versions of the same look when you pass them in the halls or they need to meet to give security updates, watching and waiting.

They only give you smiles, of every shape and size.

It’s easy to get a closer look at what your father does, the lives he ruins. Peace can only be an option for so long before other courses of action have to be considered. You don’t know Toji’s motives, this could just be another murder for hire paid for by one of your father’s political rivals. You doubt his heart is that deeply invested in those sorts of things, he’s made himself too apathetic, but you can tell that he still cared a little bit. He told you once that he’s had children who grew up starving before he got the job he has now.

They’re your age now, but he’d still do anything to keep it, to support them.

And then you think that maybe someone who’s only ever been abandoned knows what it’s like to hoard any good thing you can get your grubby hands on.

You give him own little bouquet of flowers one day, half because you’re going stir crazy as the weeks go by with Toji being all you know and half because you think you do want him to kill your father.

Purple Orchid.

Red Lily.

Red Anemone.

Gloriosa.

Red Delphinium.

Red Clematis.

Genista.

The next day, he’s barking at you to get packed for a stay at one of the out of the state safe houses. Don’t ask questions, protocol means you heed his warning and hop back in that canary yellow mid life crisis status symbol.

The tension was bound to be cut with a knife, the whole ride to the safe house is filled with sideways glances and slipknot blaring from the speakers. You have the same uneasy feeling that you do anytime Toji even hints at something being wrong, but something seems especially wrong this time. It’s not your job to worry about it though, and the older man tells you as much.

“Shut y’r trap, alright? You never have to get your panties in a twist when y’r with me, sorta.”

The safe house is as boring as expected, something out of a kindergartener's drawing. One story cube shaped, small roof, faded brown door.

You're only in the tiny kitchen for a second when Toji locks the door and comes to prop himself up on the counter, licking his scar.

He chuckles, “You’re a lot different than I thought you'd be, ya know that?

“I could say the same about you, I mean not really, but there are things I was surprised by.” You retort and sort through the cabinets, picking what cereal you’re going to stress eat tonight.

He comes around the counter and his hands slide from the tile to grip your waist.

“Yeah? Like what, doll?” Is cooed right in front of your mouth when Toji leans down.

You’re not immune to the proximity, your heart does a factory reset. “I never knew you could be so sweet, Toji.”

You’re not supposed to refer to him by his name, but you can’t let the word you secretly want to say slip out. You’d have to tell the employee back at your flower shop to be ready to claim the insurance policy on it after you go back and set yourself on fire.

But God, the miserable man looming over your bunny-tense figure really is sweet, distantly warm in the way a generally emotionally unavailable father is. But Toji’s the kind that would actually give you something to hold close to your heart over his long stretches of being absent until months go by and he tries to be better again.

You’re glad Sigmeund Freud isn’t an immortal vampire who would still be around to psychoanalyze you to shreds.

“Sweet to you maybe, ‘cause I have to be.”

“My dad couldn’t care less if you beat me silly.”

“I know.”

He never once said it was your father that compelled him to be as gentle with you as he is. A woman he met decades one, shacking up with an up and coming politician who he didn’t even try and pretend to be better then. They hooked up once and then he met his late wife, but months later the woman from his one night stand swore the baby in her belly wasn’t his. He never asked for a paternity test.

He never will, he’s already enough like your Daddy anyway, there’s no point in getting a confirmation or a denial to what his soul (and his cock) knows is good enough for a rat bastard like him.

You come out of your shame spiral as he splays one of his beefy gigantic hands out on the counter so you don’t get cold when he pushes your head down.

“I’d kill your old man if he kept me from this ass pussy, but it ain’t like he could if he tried.” Toji grunts, pendulous balls slapping your ass like a couple of grapefruits with every rough thrust in your puckered hole.

You gave up on being shy as soon as he clamped a hand around your throat to direct the first kiss you’d share. “Daddy- ngh, you’re gonna break me”.

His hand is so warm, your cheek squishes against the grooves and minor cracks in his skin as your head bobs forward. Despite you already being pressed down into the kitchen counter as much as humanly possible, Toji seems determined to force you to become one with it.

He gropes your thick ass cheeks, watching them bounce and jiggle as his burly hips slam against you continuously. Performance art in its truest form, whiney little baby pushing their hips back to take him even deeper in their fat ass. He didn’t have the means to properly prep you, just spit on his hand and massaged it into your already wet rim and called it a day. No condom either, but he can probably save the pussy job and it's obvious consequences until after your old man’s been made to lie face down in the dirt.

“I like the way your cunt sits under your squishy belly, ‘s pouting, baby. Both you and your pussy are clingy as fuck, huh?” He laughs deeply, reaching the hand that’s not under your face to smack your clit.

Your empty cunt gets wetter at the teasing, clenching around nothing because Toji likes to play pretend that he can be halfway considerate to the poor thing until he can’t. You want it too much right now, when you’re all loopy from his mean pounding in your ass is the moment he’ll regretfully have to pull himself out to sheath his hung length in your chubby pussy.

You moan, thought it gets precariously close to a wail the longer it goes on. “Daddyyyyyyy, oh fuck, shit- ‘m gonna tear.”

Your words end in a squeal of delight, your off the cuff rambling driving Toji to speed up his thrusts to piston his fat cock harder into your ass. Like he almost wants it to tear, your biological daddy gave you some nasty emotional scars, let your real one leave you with a couple physical ones. That’s what good daddies do, they take care of their babies and always give them something to remember them by when they won’t like their ancient relic of a father so much.

“Now don’t get mad at me, but- Oh, fuck- i was gonna kill ya, that was the plan. Take ya back, blow your brains out in front of your dad, make ‘im piss his pants because he knows he’s next.” He smiles knowingly when his hand on your clit feels it throb at his dark thinking-out-loud musings, wishing he could scrunch his fingers all up in your scalp and roughly pet you. “You like it like that, baby bunny? Daddy gets you gooey and syrupy sweet when he touches you, huh? Could just gobble you up whole, bones and all.”

Fuckin’ hell, you’re more precious than diamonds or gold or any loot he could’ve swiped from your old man’s crib. He’ll have to remember to slide his cock between your slick girls later, soap them up in the freestanding bathtub and spill his thick off white load all over them. You’ll lick up what you can but cleaning you up is obviously Daddy’s job, slurping up his own jizz like a wolf smoothing his rowdy pup’s fur down, nuzzling his nose in the valley of your tits and in the crook of your armpits.

“Daddy-” Your mouth gapes, little punched out ‘unh-unh-unh’s fly out of your mouth as your ass ripples. A few of your hairs stick to your forehead and you look over your shoulder, flushed and overwhelmed.

He just said he was going to kill you, you couldn’t even say when he changed his mind if he’s even telling the truth. But all you can focus on is that you really hope no other security personnel arrive at the safe house to check on you, whatever the fuck you’re doing definitely isn’t protocol.

Toji leans forward and scruffs the back of your neck with his canines, nipping the skin and leaving a mark as he slams his hips forward again. His grip on your love handles becomes iron clad and binding, wishing on a shooting star for bruises to form. He plunges in to the hilt with every thrust and gnaws at your sloped shoulder, he’s gonna cum and fill your cute little butt up. Pump your backdoor so full of cump it bulges and trickles down your trembling thighs.

You keen brokenly, floating up and away into his kiss. Which is basically more of an affectionate bite, but his tongue is mapping out your teeth and your cherry chapstick lips glide against his cold weather chapped ones. So it can be technically considered a kiss, but it leaves you reeling, someone just smashed a rock into your face and you’re collapsed on the ground unable to walk it off.

You try to squirm away from the earth shattering pleasure.

“What i’d say about givin’ me a chance, doll? Anyway, you were good as dead until I actually laid eyes on ya. Pretty thing, soft heart with a softer touch, ripe for the picking and left all alone…”

He can feel you getting close, you’re humping back against him like a bunny in heat as his thumb does a frenzied dance on your clit. He slides his big hand up your body to strum your nipples, his soft as a butterfly’s wing touch contrasting deliciously with his diabolically rough strokes.

In the fantasy he coos in your ear and asks if you agree that he did such a good job making this body, didn’t he? He twists his wrist on your pert bud, timing his ministrations with the upwards angled stroke of his cock. Your whimpering, his thick tip hitting the sensitive place you’ve never been able to reach with your fingers or your extra large toys.

“Fill me up, Daddy, please.” You beg, tears streaming down your face and sticking to his hand cushioning you. You turn your head the tiniest bit to wetly smack your lips together, kissing the rugged appendage. “It’s so hungry, I need it, give it up to me already. Not goin’ anywhere.”

Your cock-crazed eyes widen in panic whenever he acts like he’s gonna pull out, allowing you only the tip before grinning and sliding all the way home once again.

“Don’t worry, baby. I fixed it, didn't i? Got you all plugged up and owned doll, would sooner ride the muzzle of Shiu’s gun than kill ya now. Y’r soakin’ my balls so goddamn good.”

“Thank you, Daddy. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you-“

Holy fuck, you can’t breathe. You can’t fucking breathe because how can you when all the air in your lungs is beaten out of you by some 47 year olds’s massive cock. The coarseness of his body is so right for you, abrasive where you’re soft and riddled with signs of being battleworn where your body’s only enemy is you. You feel split right down the middle and you’re half afraid that when Toji eventually pulls out, you’ll fall apart and actually become two bleeding halves of a whole fucked out person.

Your clit throbs at the mental image of his hairy swallowing the muzzle of a gun, Toji licks his lips and mercifully lets you reach behind yourself to claw at his rippling muscular glutes as he fucks you. Your ass squeezes his cock in a vice like grip as you shoot your load onto the pale wood laminated floor below. Your ass cheeks jiggle as your hips jump forward, grinding against the air as you get it all out. Riding that lightning off to who knows where.

“Jesus, oh, Jesus- You’re so fucking insane, Jesus Christ!”

At least Daddy will be there, because you’re certain you’re gonna crave keeping him inside and Toji seems like a terrible guy to try to do cockwarming with.

“Shit, baby bunny, this bouncy cottontail is gonna milk me dry, take me for all my money, isn’t that right honey bunny?” His voice is coated with sickenly toe curling condescension.

He roars a guttural groan, his nails forming crescent shaped indents in your hips as he pushes his cock as far as it can go and spurts his hot cum into your ass with a gruff grunt. He can feel your walls spasm around his dick, the sensation hurtles him further over the edge and his hips jerk and the joints begin to creak from the effort.

He’s not the wild and reckless young man who fucked your mother anymore, but you have him all wrong if you think he’s going to roughouse your shit any differently.

When you’ve both calmed down, his salt and pepper stubble gives you beard burn between the fleshy globes, punctuated by a breathless snicker and a barely there peck to your ass hole.

“Sleep in tomorrow, baby bunny” He says abruptly, his tone dropping to become startlingly serious. “I’ll bring back some breakfast for ya, give you a massage. I better come back and find your adorable ass right where I put it to bed, ya hear me?.”

“Yes, Daddy. ‘Said I wasn’t going anywhere.”

He pats your lower back, curling his thick digits around an invisible ball of fur.

[slytherinzz]

Breaking point

Summary: Two years after the turmoil of her fifth year at Hogwarts, MC returns for her seventh year, haunted by past trauma and the ghosts of broken friendships. Reconnecting with Ominis and Sebastian, her once closest friends, is no easy feat. As she drowns her pain in reckless parties, endless boys and destructive behavior, both boys watch helplessly, knowing she’s spiraling. When a night takes a dark turn, they intervene, and MC is forced to face the pain she’s been hiding. But Sebastian, with his own regrets, is determined to help her heal—and to prove that he’s not letting her go.

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x F!reader (fluff at the end/protective Seb)

Warnings: mentions of alcohol abuse and slutshaming. Characters aged up to 7th year!

a/n: is this fandom still alive? Maybe I'm to late to the party ;) But I'm really enjoying myself haha. Plan to do more in the future: preparing some prompts and headcanons en requests are open. Give me a follow for more.

It had been two years since their fateful fifth year, and though the dust had settled, the wounds had not. Life at Hogwarts carried on, but for MC, every hallway, every classroom, and every face served as a reminder of what she had endured. She returned to Hogwarts for her seventh year, her path winding her back to the two people who had once been her closest friends: Ominis Gaunt and Sebastian Sallow.

It wasn’t immediate, this reconnection. Time had a way of healing and, at the same time, pushing people apart. Their sixth year had been quiet—MC had needed space to deal with everything, to step back from the chaos that had consumed her life. But now, in their final year, they had found each other again, tentatively rebuilding their friendship.

And yet, something was different.

Sebastian had never stopped loving her. That much was obvious to Ominis, even if Sebastian refused to admit it outright. The way his eyes softened when she entered the room, the protective edge in his tone whenever someone so much as teased her—it was clear to anyone paying attention. But MC, though she cared deeply for him, was terrified of letting herself feel the same.

She couldn’t.

If she allowed herself to feel for Sebastian, she risked everything. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if it ruined their fragile friendship? She couldn’t afford to lose anyone else. Not again. And so, she buried her feelings and found other ways to cope.

At first, it had been small things. A few late nights at parties, a glass of Firewhisky here and there. But as the year wore on, her coping mechanisms became destructive. She was at every party, taking shot after shot until the world blurred around her. She laughed too loudly, danced too wildly, and left with boys who didn’t know her name and didn’t care to.

It wasn’t long before Ominis and Sebastian noticed.

“She’s not herself,” Ominis said one night, pacing the floor of their shared dormitory. “She’s drinking too much. She is searching for validation in other people arms. She’s… reckless.”

Sebastian sat on his bed, his jaw tight, his hands clenched into fists. He didn’t need Ominis to tell him what he already knew.

“I’ve seen her,” he muttered. “I’ve seen her, throw herself to others, going way behond her own limits, Ominis. She doesn’t even look like herself anymore.”

Ominis stopped pacing, his expression grim. “She’s hurting, Sebastian. She’s been hurting for years, and we didn’t help. She needed us, and we weren’t there. After everything she has done for us”

Sebastian flinched at the words. He couldn’t deny it. In their fifth year, he had hurt her—his obsession with saving Anne, the lies, the dark magic. He had driven a wedge between them, and the guilt of it still weighed heavily on him.

“But what do we do now?” Sebastian asked, his voice low. “She won’t listen to us. She doesn’t even look at me anymore.”

Ominis sighed. “We keep an eye on her. We make sure she’s safe, even if she doesn’t want us to. And when the time is right, we talk to her. Really talk to her.”

The Slytherin common room was packed, the air thick with the smell of Firewhisky and the sound of laughter. It was one of the biggest parties of the year, and MC was right in the center of it.

She looked radiant, her cheeks flushed, her laughter ringing out above the noise. But to Sebastian and Ominis, who watched from the corner of the room, there was a sadness in her eyes that no one else seemed to notice.

“She’s already drunk,” Ominis said quietly, his gaze fixed on her as she stumbled slightly, leaning on a nearby table for support.

Sebastian’s fists clenched. “I’m not letting her leave with anyone tonight.”

They continued to watch as she floated from group to group, her laughter louder, her movements more erratic. And then Weasley approached her.

It started innocently enough. Garreth poured her another drink, cracking jokes that made her laugh. But as the night wore on, his intentions became clearer. He moved closer to her, his hand brushing against her arm, then her waist. MC, too drunk to notice—or too drunk to care—didn’t push him away.

Sebastian’s blood boiled.

“She’s too far gone for this,” he growled, stepping forward, but Ominis grabbed his arm.

“Not yet. Let’s see if she pushes him off.”

But she didn’t. Garreth led her to a quieter corner of the room, away from the crowd. She swayed on her feet, barely able to keep her balance, but Garreth steadied her.

And then he kissed her.

It wasn’t soft or gentle. It was rough, his hands gripping her waist, pulling her against him. MC stiffened, her hands pressing weakly against his chest, but she was too drunk to fight back. His hands began to wander, slipping down to her thighs, and that was when Sebastian snapped.

“Get your hands off her!”

He was across the room in seconds, shoving Garreth away with a force that sent him stumbling. Garreth glared, his face red with anger and embarrassment.

“She wanted it” Garreth spat, but Sebastian didn’t let him finish.

“She’s drunk,” Sebastian snarled, his voice low and dangerous. “She couldn’t consent even if she did want it. You’re pathetic.”

Ominis stepped in, his hand on Sebastian’s arm. “Enough. Let’s get her out of here.”

MC was barely coherent, her head lolling against Sebastian’s chest as he scooped her into his arms.

The Room of Requirement was quiet, the chaos of the party far behind them. Sebastian laid MC gently on a plush sofa, pulling a blanket over her as Ominis conjured a glass of water.

“She’s going to hate us for this,” Ominis said softly.

“I don’t care,” Sebastian replied, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m not letting her destroy herself.”

They stayed by her side through the night, refusing to leave her alone. When she finally stirred, the early morning light filtering through the room, she groaned softly, her head pounding.

“Where… where am I?” she mumbled.

“The Room of Requirement,” Sebastian said, his voice gentle. “You drank too much. We brought you here.”

She sat up slowly, her eyes darting between the two boys. “Did I… did something happen?”

Sebastian hesitated, his jaw tightening. “Garreth crossed a line. We stopped him.”

Her face crumpled, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop,” Ominis said firmly. “You don’t need to apologize to us. But you do need to stop doing this to yourself.”

Sebastian knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his. “Why, MC? Why are you doing this? Drinking, partying… pushing us away?”

She shook her head, her voice barely a whisper. “I don’t know how to feel anymore. I can’t… I can’t risk losing you. Either of you. If I let myself feel anything, it’ll destroy me.”

“You’re not going to lose us,” he said again, his voice steadier this time. “But you have to stop hurting yourself. You have to let someone in, MC.”

Her lips quivered, and she shook her head. “I can’t. What if I mess it up? What if I ruin everything? You don’t understand, Sebastian. You… you mean everything to me. You both do. If I lose you, I don’t know how to keep going.”

Sebastian felt his heart crack open. Every word she spoke was another piece of armor he hadn’t realized he’d been wearing, falling away. “And you think I don’t feel the same?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

She blinked at him, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. “You… what?”

“I love you,” he said, firmer now. “I’ve been in love with you since Fifth Year. And seeing you like this—seeing you with Garreth, seeing you destroy yourself—it’s killing me. I can’t stand it anymore, MC. I can’t.”

Her breath hitched, her hands tightening around his as though he might disappear if she let go. “But why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t think I deserved you,” he admitted, his voice breaking. “Not after everything I did. Not after how much I hurt you back then.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Sebastian,” she said, her voice trembling. “You were trying to save Anne. You were trying to save your family. I could never hate you for that.”

Sebastian let out a shaky laugh, his forehead falling to hers. “And I could never hate you for what you’ve done this year. But you have to stop punishing yourself. You’re not alone. You never were.”

The words hit her like a tidal wave. For years, she had carried the weight of her guilt, her grief, her fear—alone. And now, here was Sebastian, promising to share it with her. To stay by her side no matter what.

She let out a choked sob and pulled him into a fierce hug. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, over and over again.

“You don’t have to apologize,” he murmured, his arms wrapping tightly around her. “Just let me be here for you. Please.”

For the first time in years, she let herself believe that she wasn’t alone.

When the three of them returned to the Great Hall the next morning, the whispers began almost immediately.

“Look at her. The hero of Hogwarts, brought home by her two protectors again.”

“Bet she’s gone through half the boys in Slytherin by now.”

“She’ll probably ditch Sebastian and take Ominis next. What’s another name on the list?”

MC’s face burned as the whispers reached her ears. She felt every judgmental gaze, every smirk. It was suffocating. She tried to retreat into herself, but Sebastian caught her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers.

“Don’t listen to them,” he said quietly. “They don’t know you.”

But the words lingered.

Over the next week, the rumors only grew worse. Despite the clear shift in MC’s behavior—she avoided parties, stopped behaving recklessly, and spent most of her time with Sebastian and Ominis—the whispers followed her wherever she went. And it didn’t take long for people to start turning their attention to Sebastian.

“She’s just using him. He’s the next notch on her wand.”

“Poor Sebastian. He’s in over his head with her.”

It boiled under his skin, every cruel word igniting his frustration. But he knew MC was the one who was truly suffering.

“You don’t believe them, do you?” he asked her one night as they sat by the fire in the Room of Requirement.

“No,” she said quietly, but her voice betrayed her doubt. “But it’s hard not to. After everything I’ve done… maybe they’re right.”

Sebastian cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. “They are not right. You’re more than their stupid gossip, MC. You’re more than your mistakes.” He leaned closer, his voice softening. “You’re mine.”

Her eyes widened, her lips parting as his words settled over her.

“I mean it,” he continued. “I don’t care what they say. I don’t care what they think. You’re mine, and I’m not letting anyone take you away from me.”

The breaking point came a week later during a Potions class. Garreth Weasley had taken to making sly comments under his breath whenever MC or Sebastian walked by. Most of the time, Sebastian ignored him, but today, something snapped.

“Well, well,” Garreth said, loud enough for the whole class to hear. “Looks like Sallow finally got his turn. Tell me, MC, how does he compare to the others?”

The room fell silent.

Sebastian shot out of his seat, his wand already drawn. “Take that back,” he snarled, his voice deadly calm.

Garreth smirked. “What? I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.”

“Take. It. Back.”

“Sebastian!” MC’s voice cut through the tension, pulling him back. He turned to her, his face twisted in anger and pain.

“Let them say what they want,” she said softly, her hand brushing against his. “They don’t matter. You do.”

For a moment, the room was frozen. And then, without hesitation, Sebastian cupped her face and kissed her.

It wasn’t a soft, tentative kiss. It was fierce and full of fire, a declaration for everyone in the room to see. When he pulled away, he turned back to Garreth, his hand still on MC’s cheek.

“She’s not some name on a list,” he said coldly. “She’s mine. And if I hear you—or anyone else—talk about her like that again, you’ll regret it.”

The class erupted into murmurs as the professor returned, breaking the moment. But the damage was done. The rumors didn’t stop entirely, but they shifted.

In the days that followed, MC felt something she hadn’t felt in years: peace. Sebastian was by her side at every turn, his presence a constant reminder that she wasn’t alone anymore.

They spent their days together in quiet moments—reading by the fire, sneaking out to the Forbidden Forest for walks, or simply sitting in the Great Hall, their fingers brushing under the table.

And when the whispers started up again, Sebastian was quick to silence them with a sharp glare or a cutting remark. Ominis, ever loyal, had even taken to redirecting conversations when he overheard anything cruel.

For the first time in years, MC felt like she could breathe again.

One evening, as they sat together in the Room of Requirement, Sebastian turned to her, his expression serious.

“Promise me something,” he said.

“Anything,” she replied.

“Promise me you won’t shut me out again. No matter how bad things get, no matter how scared you are, you come to me. Always.”

She smiled, her eyes shining with tears. “I promise.”

And when she kissed him this time, it wasn’t about proving anything to anyone. It was just for them.

For once, she was finally home.

[hugemilkshake]

Yandere Ancients x GN Reader

How would they react if their darling rejects them when they confess their love to darling?

Enjoy the milkshake! Yandere content. Nice 👍

How the ancients would react to rejection

-romantic-

!TW! Under the cut is stuff like obsessive behavior, inflicting harm on one’s self or others, delusional behavior, implied alcoholism, over protectiveness, bad coping mechanisms, kidnapping, messing with one’s sense of reality, denial and stalking

Pure Vanilla

Pure Vanilla takes it… well…?

He says he understands that you’re not ready for a relationship yet… odd thing to say when you get rejected but go off ig…

He’s actually pretty normal. To everyone around him.. but when he’s alone…

Your rejection eats at him from the inside out. He doesn’t understand why. He’s been really nice to you! Is it because he hasn’t spent enough time with you?!

Pure Vanilla concludes that he just needs to spend more time with you. But there’s one issue…

He’s unsure how to start up a conversation with you after your rejection…

That is until you get injured and go to him for help… Pure Vanilla gets… an idea…

What if.. he injured you so you’d see him more? Well he knows that sounds awful and it is but he won’t actually hurt you! Just kinda make things happen so you’d get injured? It’s complicated…

Pure Vanilla would never dream of doing anything to harm his darling! So he will just… incite the incident.

Maybe your floors are a bit too slippery and you break your wrist or you get a really bad cut from a loose nail.

Any of that could be treated to by you or someone else, but usually to ur injuries are a big more in the “in need of aid” side of stuff. Good thing Pure Vanilla is the best healer around!

After a while, Pure Vanilla teaches you how to do some basic healing stuff, like small cuts and minor burns.

This just leads to Pure Vanilla injuring himself so you can heal him… You ask why he can’t do it himself and he says he has to save energy.

Over all, you both are in a cycle of getting constantly hurt and healing each other…

Please see that this isn’t normal. It’s not safe for either of you and leave…

Hollyberry

Hollyberry is honestly shocked. I mean, she can give you a lavish lifestyle and you two seem like good friends, so your rejection was very shocking

Hollyberry starts to drink too much berry juice. It gets to the point that Wildberry or other family members to take the juice away from her

Once she goes somewhat back to normal, she probably is the best ancient to reject since she would rather have a friendship over nothing

But that doesn’t mean she won’t have over protective moments with you, like if Pitaya dragon comes around, she will either make sure you are no where close or right next to her.

And she might starts drinking again if her mental state gets particularly bad. All Hollyberry wanted was to feel your arms wrap around her in a loving embrace…

She will also send knights and sometimes her own family to check on you and make sure you’re happy, healthy and safe several times a day and will constantly ask to hang out with you

Like mentioned before this is when her mental state is particularly bad.

Hollyberry will try to impress you by doing some really impressive feats, she feels happy when your concern falls into relief and then praise.

She adores you more than you’ll ever know, but at least she can still have you in her life… even if it’s not the way she wanted…

Dark Cacao

Now, how Dark Cacao reacts to this depends on what point in time this rejection occurs

If it’s after Affogato is banished then you’re done for. But… if you reject him when Affogato is the advisor, you actually will notice this behavior

This is because Dark Cacao turns to his advisor for help. Now don’t get me wrong, Affogato is manipulative and cunning, but even he can see how odd this is. I mean the king is asking if he should kidnap you! How could that not be concerning?!

The advisor will tell the king to relax and he’ll sort everything out, he’ll get you to see reason

Affogato doesn’t do that.

Affogato tells you. This became his concern since you will most definitely get in the way of his goals… and that he’s never seen the king on the verge of doing something this brash before

So when Affogato tells you, it’s best to leave and pretend that you died because you’d be dodging a MASSIVE bullet.

But… if Affogato is not there… Dark Cacao will not take it lightly…

You’ll be threatened with banishment. It doesn’t matter if you take the banishment or not. You’re still getting locked away.

Now Dark Cacao will be nice to you, he still cares for you after all.

Honestly his whole behavior depends on how you are with him.

If you’re on the more cooperative side then you’ll definitely get more privileges rather than if you were uncooperative

You may lose a blanket or two when the nights are particularly cold and maybe less food. It’s not enough to harm you but it’s enough to make you uncomfortable

Dark Cacao is very careful with how he treats you since he doesn’t want to lose you like he lost his son…

You may have a somewhat good chance of convincing others to help you escape but most cookies are either fiercely loyal to the beloved king or are frightened by him…

Golden Cheese

Golden Cheese is quite angry. She has done so much for you and you reject her?! It’s unacceptable

Golden Cheese will try to play it off and will offer you come to her kingdom, but you can tell she’s pissed

It takes a while for her to convince you to follow her. When you do… it’s the worst thing that could happen…

Theres an open, unnamed sarcophagus. You turn around to why Golden Cheese showed you this… only to feel yourself be shoved in

Golden Cheese didn’t want to do this, but if you won’t accept her affection, she’ll make you.

She knows that her digital world can really fuck with someone’s reality. She also knows that it’s wrong to manipulate your reality but she really can’t bear to feel the pain of losing someone she cares for again.

In this digital world, you are made to believe that you love golden cheese, her behavior is normal and are treated like a god

Golden Cheese would want to you leave her digital world after a while but the fear of you hating her for the rest of eternity lays thick in her consciousness..

White Lily

Denial. That’s White Lilys reaction, she says that she understands but she’s just on autopilot. She doesn’t understand

She tried to wrack her brain for answers. The only answer she can come up with is that you didn’t like the person she was,

So her solution? Become a person you’d like.

White Lily stalks you to see what makes you smile, what makes your eyes light up or darken, WHO makes you feel joyous

Over time, White Lily will act like other people you like, she will even style her hair and wear different outfits just to get you to like her

You don’t notice her at first, until she starts to get overwhelming

You have to tell her or well, force her to stop. She won’t stop if you don’t.

[hermetiqa]

How can you improve as a person?

Content Warning: this reading mentions abuse and obsessive behaviors. Please don't continue if you think you might get triggered.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS | TIP JAR | FEEDBACK

NOTE: Please feel free to give me a feedback on my asks about the reading! I would highly appreciate it and it'll be a huge help for me to save money for my tuition fee this year.

Pile 1

Hello there, Pile 1! There's a lot of energy from you here. In order for you to improve as a person, you need to know who you truly are. Because I feel like if someone asks you some questions to get to know you, you tend to think about it first because you don't really know the answer. What are your hobbies? What's your favorite color? What's your favorite number? What kind of things makes you happy? I feel like in these questions, you tend not to have a direct answer. And that's something you need to improve in yourself. You have to get to know yourself more and stop spending most of your time with other people. Take a break from helping them from time to time because they're taking advantage of you and your kindness. I'm getting some people pleaser energy. You have to learn to say no. You have to understand that when someone doesn't like you, that doesn't mean you're a bad person, nor does it mean that they're a bad person. Not everyone has to like you, and you should learn that and apply it to yourself. Get to know yourself better, spend more time with yourself. And stop depending on what others think of you.

Pile 2

Hello, Pile 2! I'm also getting a lot of energy from you here, but this is more like an energy that needs healing. That said, you can improve as a person by healing. I feel like you have a lot of unhealed wounds, especially from childhood. I feel like you grew up in an abusive household, whether physically, emotionally or mentally abusive. Whenever someone disagrees with your opinion or tells you that you did something wrong, you tend to be defensive even if they meant no harm towards you. I can see that you're distant from other people, even your friends, because you tend to overthink that you'll disappoint them one day and you'll only get hurt if you ever get close or attached to them. You're scared of change, and this is something you need to improve. You need to heal from your wounds because your unhealed wounds are what could cause you to be a toxic or an unhealthy person or even have a negative energy at times. You need to recognize your growth and appreciate yourself from time to time. Learn to love yourself. You also need to realize that just because you got triggered at certain times and situations doesn't mean you'll never heal from it. That simply means that you're still healing from it. And healing takes time. Don't rush it. It doesn't happen overnight.

Pile 3

Hello, Pile 3! Among these three readings, your reading is the one that has the strongest energy. I'm getting that you're struggling a lot, mentally and emotionally. It's like you tend to get affected by things that are conventionally simple (e.g. getting good grades)(I'm unsure if this is the correct term). And whenever you have to deal with this, you tend to lean towards your addictions and obsessive behaviors such as getting drunk, smoking at least 5 sticks a day, staying up until 6AM, not eating on time, and using your computer a lot, especially to play video games. I can see that this is your way of coping with your inner struggles because you could have a low self-esteem and you're pressured by other people around you. You tend to compare yourself to other people a lot too and you feel bad and pity yourself whenever you realize that they're better than you, in your opinion at least. You need to improve this. Just like Pile 2, you need to love yourself. You might not be a people pleaser but you tend to shut other people out before they even get to know you because you think they're better off without you. You need to improve your self-esteem. You need to trust in yourself and believe that you matter too. You have to give yourself the stability within yourself. Love yourself. Change your bad habits. It doesn't happen in a blink of an eye, so take one step at a time. Change it little by little and don't rush yourself. Engage in healthy habits and be productive because this way, you'll be able to actually love yourself, appreciate yourself and realize that you matter just as much as any other person on this planet.

[mxdarling]

["did you miss me? because i really missed you" / "no! i'm not going anywhere and neither are you! we're stuck together now, i'll make sure of it"]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

ೃ⁀➷: summary: the greatest detective, will never leave your side and neither will you leave his.

ೃ⁀➷: word count: 1.8k

ೃ⁀➷: reference/inspiration: n/a

ೃ⁀➷: event: [200 followers event]

[author's note:] my first bsd work LOLL god when I say I was writing this with trembling hands I wouldn't be lying, I was so scared to write for him even though he's one of my favs fufuu I just hate mischaracterization and i don't wanna fuck this up, anyways thank you anon for requesting ranpo with #30 and #22! it has been my pleasure to write for him LOLL enjoy!!

[warnings:] lowercase, yandere behavior, they/them prns, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, ranpo sits on reader's lap, mentions of stalking, implied reader being blackmailed by ranpo, reader is taller than ranpo, non consensual kissing (cheeks & lips), ranpo licks reader's fingers, eavesdropping.

[note:] If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me. I don’t condone this type of behavior, this is merely just for entertaining purposes and some sort of coping mechanism for me. If you continue to read beyond this point, ignoring my warnings, I am not responsible for your actions from here on out.

[GN reader]

RANPO EDOGAWA, the greatest detective in the world, one who could solve a case in under 3 seconds, your annoying and childlike coworker, the one who has no ability, is currently following you around like a lost child. this has been going on for—at least, 4 minutes max—just him trailing a few centimeters behind as you continue to walk to your destination. in all fairness, when he found out you were going to the grocery store, he immediately jumped into the conversation and decided by himself that he's going to join you during your trip.

"areee weeeee there yet? i don't remember the journey to the store being this long!" a loud whine comes out of ranpo's mouth, worsening your mood as you hear his whiny voice, the kind you'd hear from a 6-year-old child who is simply too impatient to wait for their turn. from your peripheral vision, you could see several people looking at the two of you, ranging from confusion to judgmental stares. his shoulders are down, making him have a slouched body posture as he walks behind you in a more lazier manner than you, who is so close to speed stomping and leaving him behind.

"are we ther- hey! wait up!"

scratch that last thought, you're going to have a pleasant trip to the grocery store and you're going to leave him behind if that's what it takes to have peace of mind.

(fortunately for him, you didn't. your dislike for attention proves to be something he could use to his advantage, seeing how you crumbled under the feeling of many eyes turned towards you two when he whined and cried in the middle of the sidewalk, making a scene in broad daylight, taking his wrist in your grip, and dragging him along to your destination, making him match your speedy pace. he'll definitely keep this in mind for future use.)

the office was quiet, and you were alone in the room—switching between writing and reading a bunch of papers piled up near where you're sitting. despite having gone through just a few pieces of paper, the weight on your shoulders and back has gotten rather heavy, like you didn't stretch your limbs beforehand after waking up from your 5-hour rest. the silence was odd, to say the least, not that it wasn't unwelcome; it just made you curious about what your co-workers were up to, which made them not present in the office today. maybe yosano is out shopping, maybe kunikida and dazai were out chasing down criminals, and whatnot, maybe atsushi is helping out to solve a case with... him. the oh so great detective, fucking ranpo.

as much as he preached about how great he is and how everyone else in the detective agency respects and admires him, you were quite indifferent towards him in general. you aren't sure what everyone sees in him or what makes him so interesting that he's able to get this much attention—in other words, he's just plain boring in your eyes. actually, scratch that; he's more than boring; he's an absolute brat. he's whiny, always munching on his snacks so loudly, refusing to do work or cases sometimes, and acting like his super deduction is an ability. what's even worse is that he seems so determined to bother you constantly, every chance he gets. rarely are you left alone and left to breathe from the overwhelming detective—even if you are given a moment of peace, he'd come running back acting like an even bigger headache for you.

"(nameeeeeee)!" filling up the room with his shout, he pushed open the door with such force that it banged so loudly that the noise echoed to the other side. you could feel his attention on your back as silence once again filled the room. in the most coincidental (and worst) timing, the headache you were talking shit in your head comes into the office—a dreadful pit building up in your stomach as you mentally pray in your head for whatever ranpo is going to put you through this time. you could hear the skip in his footsteps. every step he takes, more sweat starts rolling down your cheeks as you close your eyes and imagine a life without ranpo, without the suffocation of love and attention he gives you, without the anxious thoughts of being followed on your way home (you have major suspicions that it's ranpo but have nothing solid to prove it's him), without him blackmailing you into compliance, without-

dragging you out of your inner thoughts, the headache makes impactful contact with your back. "did you miss me? because i really missed you!" he says in a cheerful tone, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a tight grip and rubbing his cheeks against yours like someone would greet their lover when they miss them so much (he's doing it on purpose to make you uncomfortable, you think). to further prove your point, he smashes his lips against your cheek, not once, not twice, but multiple times in the same and adjacent areas of your cheek. if this had happened to you several months ago, the simple act of him trying to wrap his arms around your shoulders would make you go away from him as fast and as far as possible—even more so if he tried to kiss you, your water bills would skyrocket through the roof for how much time you would spend in the bathroom trying to scrub away the kiss on your cheek.

"no i didn't, actually" having gotten used to his (non-consensual) affection towards you, his actions do not faze you; on the outside, that is, there still remains that pit of disgust you used to have all those months ago. those urges to swat his body away from yours to give yourself some space are still there, yet you do nothing to act on any of them. you simply decide to indulge in whatever antics he has up his sleeves this time for the next few hours of your day—not that you had a choice, anyway.

(several times you've expressed discomfort at the physical touches he gives you during work hours, and several times he intentionally ignores it for his own benefit. the one time he went overboard was when he made himself comfortable on your lap, handed you several sweet snacks you assumed he got from his secret stash, and forced you to hand-feed him until he was satisfied. to say this stunt of his hindered your productivity would be an understatement. you were way behind your planned schedule by the time you finished hand-feeding him all the sweet snacks.

just as you were about to ask him to get off, he suddenly grabbed your wrist, saying something about "there's still some crumbs left!" which confused the fuck out of you until you felt the wet sensation of a tongue licking your fingers. the horrors expressed on your face seemed to further encourage the amused ranpo, as he started sucking on your fingers too! neither of you two brought up that incident again, though you're glad he hasn't done this again; you aren't sure how well you were going to handle the next one.)

"i guess you could say smart men are my type," you say rather subconsciously without any thought or care of your co-workers' reaction to your answer, instead putting all your focus on your computer screen and continuing to type away as you hear several gasps and 'no way's from your left side.

"(name), are you.. sure smart men are your type?" there was hesitation in their voice, disbelief even—like they didn't believe you the first time. "uhh.. yeah? i didn't really give much thought, but intelligence is hot, i guess," you said once again, answering in the same manner you did the first time. you weren't sure what they were trying to get out of this conversation, but if you had to guess, most likely they're attempting to set you up on a blind date. "..alright, if you say so.." they say, ultimately ending the conversation and switching topics to avoid making the awkwardness linger in the atmosphere.

(little did you and your co-workers know, the great detective was listening in on the whole conversation. hearing every word that came out of your mouth, to say he stumbled upon your little talk on accident would be a lie—he doesn't go to such lengths without a reason. to say he's surprised by your type of men like your co-workers were would be another lie, but he's quite puzzled. if smart men are your type, why do you always seem to give the expression that you're disgusted by him? no matter, as a detective, it's his job to uncover every bit of mystery and solve for all the missing pieces.)

stepping out of the building, bidding farewell to your co-workers, and parting ways as you walk to your house, taking extra caution by putting your keys between your fingers in case you were to be stalked by someone, especially a certain someone you've been trying to avoid all day long...

"(naaameeeee)!!" and speak of the devil; he shows up to come and ruin your day just when you're about to go home—how fun. you let out a tired sigh and turned around to see ranpo running towards you at full speed. the sight set off alarm bells in your head, so on impulse, you tried to get out of his way and hoped he ran too fast that he ended up hitting a light pole straight in the face. yet it seems this day of yours wouldn't be so lucky, because suddenly he grabs your shirt, pulls you a little lower to his height, and then kisses you on the lips.

your eyes widen in shock, momentarily stunned for a second, before you feel your instincts kick in and roughly push him away.

"ranpo, what the fuc-!?"

suddenly you feel an unexpected impact hitting your chest, emitting a surprising noise from your mouth, making you cut off mid-sentence. ranpo buries his face underneath your chin, rubbing against your skin with his cheek like it's a pillow—opening your mouth. you tried to protest once more against him, but nothing came out. the sudden feeling of a pair of arms wrap around your torso and your arms holding you in a tight grip, sending the message that he doesn't want to let you go. after what felt like eternity to you, he looks up and shows you the poutiest expression you've ever seen him make.

"no! i'm not going anywhere, and neither are you! we're stuck together now; i'll make sure of it!"

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

PLEASE DO NOT COPY, REPOST, SHARE, TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO OTHER SITES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION + REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

[yanderes-galore]

First of many. Here we go.

Angel Dust (Platonic)

Your prompts

2

28

61

Sure! These prompts give mental breakdown vibes so... that's exactly what you're getting, lol (Or at least it's what I'm aiming for-)

Yandere! Platonic! Angel Dust Prompts 2, 28, 61

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you!"

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you?"

"Being alone is worse than you hating me."

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Emotional Manipulation, Mental breakdown, Drinking/Intoxication, Clingy behavior, Poor mental health, Drugs mention, Stalking, Possessive behavior, Projecting trauma, Unhealthy friendship, Swearing, Mature themes, Angst, Overly affectionate behavior, Dubious turned forced companionship.

Since you became a Sinner and entered the Hotel, you were close with Angel Dust. At first you found him a bit jarring and crude. Eventually, however, you managed to become a support system for the both of you.

Naturally you knew about Angel's job. He worked for the Overlord Valentino and said Overlord overworks and... Hurts him. The thought made your blood boil, but it wasn't like you could pick successful fights with an Overlord as a Sinner.

Angel appreciated the sentiment, even if he had to hold you back from attacking his boss.

The issue with Angel's job was his behavior due to it. He was often self destructive, ranting and venting with you and Husk over a strong drink. He's often stressed... But you're always there to help.

In fact, it seems you became a coping mechanism for Angel. With you, he feels like he doesn't have to drown himself in alcohol and drugs. Even Husk notices how calm yet clingy Angel is when you enter the room.

He's always playful with you, a smile on his face when you show concern. You care so much about him.... Angel isn't sure what he'd do without you.

Which is why when you push him away... He nearly breaks.

It's his toxic trait, he's too selfish when it comes to you. However what Sinner or Demon isn't selfish? He's allowed to have nice things, isn't he?

Angel had a tendency to be... Possessive. You are one of the only ones to care for him like this. Which... Makes him follow you around... And be a bit manipulative.

He's allowed to have you... Right?

So who are you to deny him his comfort?

Angel wasn't in his right mind when you chose to distance yourself from him. He had recently come back to the Hotel from a job at Val's studio. He already wasn't pleasant before he had a few drinks.

Yet when he called your name in a needy tone, you didn't come. Why? Well... It seems you noticed you were becoming an unhealthy coping mechanism for him. You knew it wasn't healthy.

But Angel wasn't going to just let you ignore him... Not after all he's gone through.

He didn't care how unhealthy it was. Angel knew he needed you. You helped him get rid of the pain.

Like an addict to a drug... He needed to stay beside you to forget about Val.

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you!" Angel yells, his voice in a hiss. "Do you know how in demand I am!? You're lucky I give this much care to you!"

Angel knew deep down he was corrupted. Every sinner was, especially someone like him whose always around Valentino of all people. As much as he hated to admit it... He was acting the same way Valentino acts around him towards you.

"Are you just going to ignore me...?" Angel seethes, laughing softly when you back away from him. "Really now? You act all sweet then abandon me in my darkest moments...."

"I don't mean to, Angel-" You frown. "You've just... This has all been unhealthy lately and-"

"We might need a break?" Angel clicks his tongue, glaring at you. Despite this... You still see a certain softness in his eyes. "Hell no. Healthy? When is any relationship healthy in Hell?"

Angel Dust steps closer, wrapping himself around you in an attempt to feel your warmth. You can tell he's drunk and it appears ranting to Husk didn't work. You push your friend a bit, but he tightens his grip with an annoyed groan.

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you!?"Angel growls, "I'm so fucking tired of playing these games!"

"Angel, please! You're a mess...!" You plead, unable to pry the demon off you as you fall onto the couch.

"With you, I don't have to play pretend!" Angel cries out, grip unrelenting. He's in a haze... Unable to think properly. "I can be myself..." You feel his grip loosen... "I don't have to act with you, I don't need to play a role... I just get to have your comfort."

You frown when he slips off you a bit, leaning against you as tears spill down his cheeks. He hated being vulnerable... But he felt he could do that with you. Which is why...

"You can't leave me alone!" Angel sobs, "You can hate me if you want... I don't care...."

He looks you in the eyes... You can see the hurt in his gaze. You don't want to encourage him. However... You find yourself giving into his emotional manipulation.

He really has learned from the best at it.

"Being alone is worse than you hating me." Angel admit, pulling himself closer against you. He perks up when you embrace him... Hiding the grin on his face.

"I don't hate you...." You whisper, the demon watching you closely with watery eyes. "I just wish... You had an easier way to cope."

"You're better than any drink or drug, doll." Angel winks, grinning softly. Even if you were just friends... He was always so affectionate. "Not sure what I'd do without you...."

You stay silent as Angel busies himself with holding you. Truthfully, he'd rather die again than give you up. Part of him feels bad for using you...

Yet he's used to it. Perhaps he's learned more from Val than most think...

"You should feel lucky to have me...."

[xx-j4nu5-c4t5-xx]

Sirensskai [Part 1/2]

DISCLAIMER: Please do not use this as an excuse to harass or track down anyone mentioned here.

Thank you to @fleabuki for helping me find and compile this information.

Kai, known by their Tumblr username sirensskai, has a history of overstepping boundaries, displaying incredibly unhealthy attachments to fictional characters, and refusing to cease or dial back their behavior when confronted. This post is meant not as an attack on them, but as a plea for them to make changes before these behaviors hurt both Kai themselves, and the people around them, any further.

Kai has a reputation for making people in the community deeply uncomfortable, and is known by many as simply the person with an incredibly strange attachment to Ripp Grunt. Several artists, as well as other creators and people in the community, have blocked Kai, citing their constant obsessive remarks as off putting and distressing.

Kai is well known for engaging in self-shipping, but this was never really the root of the problem. There is nothing inherently wrong with self-shipping, especially in a game as open to anything as The Sims. However, Kai takes this to a fanatical, obsessive extent, to the point where almost all of their Tumblr posts are about him, with many of these posts mentioning that this is a serious coping mechanism for Kai. They frequently express their struggles with being social and with hypersexuality.

Kai has proven time and time again to be unable to refrain from talking about their self-shipping, even when they know it is making others uncomfortable. They were banned from LazyDuchesses’s Discord server a few months ago, for repeatedly sharing NSFW Character AI chats, even after moderators explicitly told them to stop. Many members in the server believed the ban was long overdue. These sexual messages were in channels that could be viewed by any of the members of the Discord, including minors.

Kai has also shown that they use Ripp, and their perceived relationship with him, as a coping mechanism, to the point of being concerning. They mention in several posts and messages that they feel that they only exist to love him, or that fantasizing about him is the way that they process their trauma.

Kai was recently in a Discord server with a fifteen year old, who was new to the community and was hoping to make friends. Kai, at the time, was around nineteen, and had a history of discussing NSFW topics in Discord servers to the point that moderators told them to stop. When the child asked if he could discuss NSFW topics with Kai in private DMs, Kai agreed.

Screenshots show that Kai was aware of this person’s age, and that others in the server found it odd and creepy.

Kai was shown to make lewd remarks back and forth with this minor. Though I do not have evidence that the sexual remarks were ever directed at the fifteen year old, they were made in conversations with him, usually with Kai sexualizing Ripp. Kai is shown to react to the fifteen year old making sexual/inappropriate jokes with praise and encouragement.

The child expressed that this arrangement made him feel uncomfortable, and that he saw Kai as someone older, not as an equal. He has decided that the community made him feel unsafe and has decided to leave, and I wish him the best of luck. I want to offer a sincere apology that we, as a collective group, let anyone behaving like this go unchecked for so long.

[pixelxgore]

hers a billfold wip as a treat i changed his face bc i have free will

The art is to encourage you to read my silly little insanity (you should totally do it btw)

I'm dyslexic so sorry if anything is spelled grotesquely wrong lol autocorrect sometimes has no idea what i’m trying to spell

Starting with my head cannon because every thing will make more sense with it (or it wont that's entirely up to you) Imma try my best to make this enjoyable

So I head cannon both bill and ford as aspec this is important for the rest trust (I'm Aroace myself so some of my words are based of of experience ) being aroace doesn't mean you can't have a toxic one-sided relationship with a triangle

(most of this is pretty vanilla but I still wanna talk about it)

I believe it started of as a one-sided relationship on fords part (wow shocker) but it wasn't really love because he's ace it was more of infatuation (this stems from the fact he is a science boy and like ooo demon triangle thing) mistaken for love (I'm pretty sure this is common among aroace people or I just had an original experience) and maybe bill had just a little bit of the same feeling but instead of infatuation it was just pure obsession and when they had there little “tragic break up” and bill finally came to realize his obsession and it consumed him (idk i think that how abusive obsession is) and he realized he can’t live with out ford (i man he can but unhealthy obsession) and thus bills one sided relationship with ford where he just tries to get his puppet back but can’t figure out why he needs him so bad so he comes to the (subconscious) cuncultion there in love (because of course that’s the reasonable decision) and then you all know what comes after

I think bill has major will wood music vibes so I have nominated three songs of his for bill ford (cuz I'm genuinely going insane over them)

This is for fun and based off my head cannons

All of my discussions are made purely of the vibes the song gives me and how cool than animation in my head looks so take everything you know about these will wood songs and throw it out the window cuz none of that is relevant :3

i saw someone say “Will Wood songs can really be interpreted in different ways, and most of them seem like wisps of similar thought rather than a concrete narrative, so you're always a little bit right and wrong when you take a guess.” and i think you should keep that in mined

(I'm gonna embarrass myself so hard (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) )

I'm not gonna elaborate much but just trust me ok I put it kind of in chronological order

fords one sided relationship with bill: ...well, better than the alternative

Ok so this one is the least perfect out of all of them cuz it only half what I want (obviously this song is a stretch but hear me out) It's mostly for the like the last half of the song (remember what I said about throwing out the meaning for get that i lied) this song about the struggle ls of growing up and is a heartfelt plea to be understood and accepted for who we are (which obviously ford was a wired kid) and this kinda ties into the one-sided infatuation because it also is about the romanticism of nostalgic love, and the pressure of society telling you to find someone and "settle down" as we get older (witch yk aroace can’t really do that) so he’s grasping at the fact that he is enamored with this demon he just summoned (because science) so he can come up with this narrative in his head of how he is in love and can finally fit at least one of the societal boxes (idk it sounds like something to me probly ooc but I'm having fun)

bills one sided relationship with ford: ¡Aikido!

obsession with someone and how people often use coping mechanisms such as drugs to help with their feelings of uncertainty and helplessness. (yes this is copied not fully of a site this is tumblr not an english assignment) it also explores the idea that love and obsession can often manifest in neurotic and even pathological behavior.(oooo oooo look i’m so smart like staring the apocalyps) i’m not this cool this whole thing started with the first like whit h is “I apologize for playing with your eyes But I’m obsessed with you” witch reminded me of how bill used for as a puppet and then yk fords whole world came crashing down (this one explained its self more i have to do less mental gymnastics) and he’s like im sooo sorry i can’t live with out you

there whole relationship from the deal to the end of bill: Misanthrapologist ("In case I make it,"

Outtake)

ok this one is the one that mostly made of vibes because the song is about an unhappy codependent relationship through metaphors of christianity, nihilism, outer space, and mozart (witch only really encompasses a portion of the relationship) the song stars with “I wanna meet your make Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapel Holler "Look what you've done Gave this planet a sun And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"” which makes me personally think of obviously the deal fore made with bill and how bill stroked his ego all the way through there partnership um you can see where i goes from here just go listen to the song

ok this one’s off topic and only for my imaginary animation but the line “So how could I stand a chance, let alone dance With the way you sweep me off these two left feet?” just like imagine this with me it’s bill (human probably cuz i don’t work with the triangle) and young ford in the minedskape thing and its bill dipping ford and when it goes down it switches to bill and fort in bills pyramid thing with ford chained up do you see the vision ok I’m done now (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

[the-only-mickeypoo]

A Little Motivation

summary: Max learns that his tenant is going on a business trip for her job. This saddens him, as seeing her every day gives him the motivation to work on renovations. Now, he has to find another way to cope with his desperation to see her.

characters: Max Sonnen, F!Reader, August

cw: nsfw!! smutty and freaky as fuck el em eff ay oh! some obsessive behavior, but hey, it's max.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57790891

Max knew he was a sick, sick man. Even with his self-awareness, he couldn’t stop himself - especially with this new tenant around. She wasn’t a woman he’d previously seeked out, she had found her way to his building out of pure coincidence. The moment she walked into the apartment asking if it was the one in the ad he put out, he was hooked. He’d felt this way with people before, but never this intensely. He’d find himself thinking of her at every moment - she even showed up in his dreams. He couldn’t escape her, no matter what he did. His grandfather, August, could sense this. He knew Max, he knew how his mind worked, or at least he thought he did. When Max got like this, he’d let him know he hated it.

“You’re a weak man, just like your father.” He’d say. Next, Max would be met with a slap to the face. All Max could do was take it. Even though August thought he was helping Max this way by making him into a man, Max would just hide away inside of the walls of the building to escape.

Max had built himself a sanctuary of sorts, one where he could act out on his urges. Every day, when he got the chance, he’d walk from room to room, watching his tenant like a hawk. His dark hazel eyes would peer through the openings he’d made as his tenant got ready, cooked, slept, bathed… Those last two were his favorite. Seeing her so vulnerable was a huge turn-on. Whenever he’d watch, he’d always end up masturbating to the sight of her. Her body looked like it was sculpted to perfection. He’d picture himself in the room with her, taking her in her most vulnerable of moments. He’d have to stay quiet so she didn’t find out about his sick obsession. He couldn’t be found out, though the idea of being caught turned him on a bit… just a tiny bit.

Max would continue to do this for God knows how many days, but it all came to a halt when he found out his tenant was going on an overnight business trip across the city. It was morning when she bumped into him outside of her apartment. “Oh, hi, Max!”

Her sweet voice was music to his ears. He put on his best charming smile. “Hey!” He looked towards her suitcase. “What’s that for?”

“Oh,” The tenant started with a little laugh. “I’m going across the city on a trip for work. I was gonna let you know since I know you like to say hi to me when you come in to work on my apartment.”

Max’s heart dropped. His smile faltered a little. “Oh, well, I… hope you have fun.” He nodded as he spoke. Outside, he looked charming and happy. On the inside was a completely different story. How would he be able to go about his day without her? 

“Thanks.” The tenant smiled at him before noticing her taxi was outside. “Oh, there’s my ride. I have to go!” She started to walk away. She waved to Max as she walked away. “Bye!”

“Bye.” 

This wasn’t good. This really wasn’t good. As Max put on his glasses, his mind was racing. What would he do without her? Seriously, what would he do? The door of her apartment was already open so he could go in to work on it, but he knew he couldn’t start just yet. Her being there was his motivation to work. He had to get just a little bit of her. 

Max closed the door behind him and he found his way through her apartment, looking at pictures she had of herself and admiring all of her features. He took one with him as he went to her bedroom. He stared at her bed and walked over to it. He took a glance at the picture before placing it on the nightstand. He felt his breaths get shakier as he crawled onto the bed. His hands clutched the sheets and he brought them up to his nose. He moaned quietly as her scent filled his nose and lingered there. “Absolutely divine.” He spoke out loud, his voice husky and soft. His eyes fluttered shut as he took another sniff, letting out a drawn out groan as he did. 

Pulling away with a gasp, Max’s eyes opened and looked downward. Her scent had gotten him riled up. Too riled up. He moved to undo his belt but hesitated. What if she came back because she forgot something, or someone else came in and saw him there? Those thoughts quickly went away, as his hands went against his brain and started to unbuckle his belt. As he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, he realized there was no going back. He had to do this. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to function today. That would raise questions with the tenant.

Max frantically unbuckled his belt and pulled it off. He threw it to the side and pulled his jeans down to his ankles. His breathing grew heavy as he swallowed and pulled his boxers down as well, freeing himself. He let out a sigh of relief and wrapped his hand around his dick. He brought the sheets up to his nose again and started to stroke himself while taking in her scent, his eyes rolling into the back of his head before fluttering shut. His groans were feral and desperate. His hips bucked forward, his body clearly wanted more than just his hand. His jaw tightened and he opened his eyes, looking through lust-clouded eyes for something he could grind on. His eyes fell on a pillow and he stopped moving his hand. His other hand reached out to touch the pillow and he exhaled as he felt how soft it was. It reminded him of his tenant’s soft skin that he’d “accidentally” brush against when they interacted sometimes. He needed something… this pillow would be perfect.

Max’s hand went from lightly caressing the pillow to gripping it and bringing it towards himself. He leaned over it and brought his lips, closing his eyes as he pictured the tenant’s lips against his. He was basically full on making out with a damn pillow. He shifted his position, getting on top and pressing his dick against the pillow. The feeling of the pillow alone got beads of pre-cum dripping from him. He opened his eyes halfway and pulled away, breathing heavily. He looked up from the pillow towards the picture he left on the nightstand. He grabbed it and put it on top of the pillow. He made sure it was in a good spot before he took some time to stare down at it. 

The picture was taken by a coworker of hers in her office. She was laughing, smiling the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. “My darling…” Max muttered as he stroked the frame of the picture, “My damn angel.” He pressed his lips against the picture itself, keeping his eyes semi-open so he could admire the business attire she wore in the picture. He pulled away and kept his head down so he could stare at the picture.

In Max’s mind, he was on top of his tenant, making love to her. Her soft skin was up against his. He held the sides of the pillow and started rocking his hips back and forth. Her name fell from his lips, his eyes staring at the picture, unblinking. He pictured her underneath him, smiling at him and telling him how much of a good boy he was. This made him move faster, his groans getting louder. His glasses were starting to fall off a little, but he couldn’t care less. All he was focused on was getting himself to cum.

At a certain point, Max couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and he screwed them shut. His brow started to furrow and he tilted his head back, letting out a higher-pitched moan. More and more of those moans came out of him until they became soft and breathy whimpers. Though he tried to compose himself, he couldn’t. He was turning into a mess. He was whimpering, precum spilling from the tip of his dick and sweat forming on his forehead. His hands gripped the sides of the pillow and he let out a strained noise of pleasure. He was about to fucking lose it, and he was in too deep to even realize.

It wasn’t until his hips started to move out of the rhythm he had set and his dick started to throb that Max noticed. He couldn't fucking stop. He looked down at the picture one more time, whimpering his tenant’s name over and over like a damn prayer. The whimpers got progressively louder until Max thrusted one last time, pushing him completely into a state of ecstasy. He threw his head back and groaned loudly as ropes of his cum came out, most of it landing right on the picture he was looking at.

Max’s chest rose and fell quickly as he attempted to catch his breath. He was sweating, his hair and glasses were out of place. As he attempted to straighten himself out, he looked downwards and noticed that his cum had gotten on her precious photo.

His heart dropped. He cursed under his breath,  “Goddammit…!” How was he gonna clean this mess up? He was not in the right state of mind to make any rational decision. He was panicking. Nothing was coming to mind on what to do! His brain was completely blank due to the previous orgasm as well as his anxiety. He couldn’t think, so in a panic, he grabbed the picture and stared at it for a solid few seconds.

“... I’m so sorry.” Max whispered before he started to lick his own release off of the picture. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry…” He whimpered in shame, “I’ve gotten your pretty face so dirty…”

Max continued to voice his regret and lick all of his release off of the picture. In his panic, he seriously couldn't do anything else. He let out soft noises as he licked the picture clean. He smiled as he could finally see her face again, all clean and pretty. He was thinking of washing the picture off and putting it back, but the more he looked at it, the urge to just take it and use it when he needed to just got stronger. As usual, his instincts took over and he decided to take the picture with him. He quickly redressed and straightened himself out, letting out a sigh of relief. Now that was finally over, he could get back to what he originally came into this apartment to do.

Max took the picture and stared down at it - he had a plan in his mind. He’d keep the picture around him all day so he’d be motivated to work, and he would take it back with him to his own room and keep it there. One question popped up in his mind. Surely she’d notice the picture was gone. If she asked where it was, how would he answer? 

He could just lie. He’d lied to her before. He always got away with it. He just had to keep his act up. 

Max straightened the bed out so it didn’t look like anyone was there. He made sure to make it look extra nice so his tenant could return to a neat apartment. Then, he’d receive praise from her for taking such good care of her place while she was gone. That’s all he wanted from her, some positive attention. He was sure he’d get it with the way he tidied up her bedroom. As he stepped back and took a look, he concluded that it was perfect. It was time for him to get to work.

Max grunted as he stretched. He let out a sigh and turned towards the exit of the room. He stepped out and looked back at the room, taking one last look before he determined it looked as if no one had done something sick in there. Max was very careful with covering his tracks, as he’d been doing this for a while. He stood there for a few seconds before finally being able to say it looked normal.

Max looked ahead and closed the door behind him. As he walked away, he just told himself…

“All that was was a little motivation. You’ll get away with this. You’ll lie, and she’ll believe you.”

And that was all he needed. Max grabbed his toolbox he had set down earlier and took a deep breath. He had a long day ahead of him - and he was going to get through it. He just had to tell himself: 

“You’ll get away with this.”

[mingus-archives]

Saviors, Suffering, and Isolation in Across the Spiderverse

Something that really stuck with me from Spider-Man Across the Spiderverse was the theme of suffering inherent in the hero narrative (and specifically the spiderman narrative) and how we can perpetuate suffering in our justification of it.

In the intro to the movie, Gwen gives background into how she became Spiderwoman. She explains the traumatic experience of inadvertently causing her friend Peter’s death and says that because of this she can’t have friends. We see how this has caused her to further suffer, forcing a wedge between her and her band, her and her father, and her and Miles. She is obsessed with not letting a loved one suffer at her hands in the same way again. Furthermore, she is okay letting herself suffer through isolation as long as her loved ones are safe.

Then, we meet Miguel, Spider Man 2099, who fervently defends his and his organization’s behavior as making sure some suffering occurs in order to prevent larger suffering. Miguel took over a different dimension’s Miguel, allowing him to have a daughter and live a happy life. However, this dimension fell apart because he was an anomaly and caused that dimension’s timeline to not flow as it should. After this, he forms the Spider-society, which is intent on making sure that anomalies are taken care of and, more importantly, that canon events happen.

This is where the main conflict of the plot arises, as a canon event in the timeline is the death of the police captain, who in Miles’s universe happens to be his father. Miguel insists that Miles has to let his father die, and rages that Miles has already helped another Spiderman (Pavitr) avoid that fate. This is not a surprise to Miguel’s character; he is tormented by his attempts to lead a happy life and therefore believes that suffering is necessary. 

However, what is striking is that all the spider-people seemingly stand by Miguel except Miles. The characters we know, namely Peter B Parker, Jessica Drew (Spiderwoman), and Gwen all support Miguel’s perspective. This seems wildly out of character for these individuals who we’ve seen be insistent on saving people if it is in their power to do so. But it is important to note that, besides Gwen, they’ve already suffered that canon event of the police captain dying. For them, that was a necessary trauma in their lives that allowed them to be who they are today. It is in a sense a passive justification. They did all they could, but the captain had to die. But for Miles (and Gwen), the death of the captain is something they’re being forced to allow or even facilitate. They have to make the active choice to let their captains, both their fathers, die. Miles is insistent that this is wrong, and that there is another way to live.

As a story centered on characters of colors (and minority characters given Gwen is implied to be trans in the movie), this can be seen as a message about how some communities or people of color treat suffering. That is, the belief in many minority communities like mine (Hmong) is that suffering is a necessary evil to endure for the good of everyone. They suffered, so their children must suffer as well. However, this mindset moves from a coping mechanism to harm when, upon finding no or a lack of suffering, we fabricate suffering onto others like us because we believe this is necessary for success. Instead of finding help, lifting one another up, leaning on each other, we lean into the suffering, the pain, and the isolation. We are unduly harsh to our children, or we don’t try to disrupt the unjust systems that harmed us, or we just let bad situations be.

The Spider Society may be a group of spider-people, but there is surprisingly little care being given to one another’s wellbeing. Instead, they all look at each other and empathize rather than offer real care. I understand rather than let’s understand together. The coldness of this community is made clear with how  harshly Jessica treats Gwen when she screws up, with how cruelly Miguel treats Peter (”I’ve had enough of you”), and most humorously with the therapy scene where the therapist spiderman rudely remarks, “Let me guess your Uncle Ben died?” The spider-people are all heavily traumatized individuals, and instead of healing they’ve worked themselves into a web of control and fatalism. By accepting that suffering as inevitable, they create the suffering of Miles.

As a daughter of a refugee, I grew up hearing the message that suffering made us strong, that it allowed them to be successful. Children who didn’t suffer were spoiled and grew up to be ungrateful wastes to society. I heard stories in my LGBTQ+ community about how young queers take things for granted and don’t understand how hard it once was. And when I suffered myself, I felt a similar urge to say that this suffering made me a better person. And this is so hard to fight because if you acknowledge the suffering wasn’t needed, that means you shouldn’t have had to go through it, that it was unjustified, that it was a random cruelty of the universe. And that is a tough truth to accept, because that means it didn’t have to be that way. Uncle Ben didn’t have to die for Spiderman to live.

In order to let our stories continue, instead of repeating the past, as well as help our communities Across the Spiderverse asks us to let go of the suffering and the belief we needed it. It is not what makes us heroes. It is not what makes us good. Instead, like Miles and Gwen (by the end of the movie), our heroism is in our love and our loved ones, and in the belief that there is a better way.

[darlingdaisyfarm]

You know, I was thinking about your bill/reader/ford stories and the grief headcanons you just put up of ford and stan reacting to reader’s death, and it got me thinking: what if ford, out of desperation, did something he promised to never do ever again (make a deal with bill) just to bring reader back, and that’s why bill is around again?

do you think ford actually would make a deal if he couldn’t find a way to cope with reader’s absence?

oh my god i love these questions !! let’s dissect Ford Pines like a little frog in a lab !!

but it's just my thoughts

so.... Ford swore off deals with Bill forever after the portal incident. he’s spent years undoing the damage, hunting down anything even remotely related to that triangle freak. he hates himself for ever trusting Bill, for being manipulated, for losing his brother, his life, everything. and he’s made it his mission to keep Bill gone for good

but the thing is Ford does not process grief well. he intellectualises it, tries to solve it rather than feel it, he can't help it. he would try everything to bring his partner back by scientific methods. and when all that fails he is left alone with just the grief, the hole in his heart

and one thing is for sure, grief can fundamentally alter decision-making processes

i think prolonged grief disorder impairs executive function, leading to riskier behaviors, increased impulsivity and questionable judgment, especially in those with obsessive tendencies (which Ford absolutely has). add in the fact that he’s already got a history of poor coping mechanisms (isolation, paranoia, hyperfixation) and you have a man whose self-destructive tendencies would peak in his desperation

and shitty thing is that Ford believes he deserves punishment. i think deep down, he believes he is someone who ruins things. he failed before, he lost before. if making a deal with Bill is a mistake then so be it, he deserves to suffer the consequences. and if it brings you back, if it undoes just one of his failures? he’d take the risk. because in that moment, the certainty of pain is preferable to the uncertainty of grief

would he break the one rule he swore he never would? yeah, i think he would. but it wouldn’t be immediate

it would take years of fruitless searching, of dead ends, of losing what’s left of his mind. he’d fight it with everything he has, tell himself he’d rather die than call on him again

so i wont be surprised when Ford is back in the same place he swore he’d never be, staring into that single eye and shaking Bill's hand, so that’s how Bill gets back

Ford gets you back, but at what cost? because Bill never gives without taking. are you really you? are you whole? does Ford know what he’s unleashed this time?

[blackphanto]

The Anti-Blitzø party

Sorry for being absent for so long, p.s.: this is my take from this party, feel free to share yours

The episode: Apology Tour meets its climax when Stolas arrives at the Anti-Blitzø party Verosika invited him this year for being 'his freshest ex'. And like Stolas points out at all these demons chose to spend the one night of the year, where demons can come up freely on earth, celebrating mutual pettiness, which isn't exactly the case. Verosika claims she's hosting these parties to help those who got screwed over by Blitzø cope. She even admits to him that helping the others makes her feel less shitty for being mad at him.

This isn't inherently bad, she has the right idea, but is executing it wrong.

On one hand this party could be helping by allowing demons to let out their pain in whatever way they want; venting, drinking, rage, singing, random hookups, ... It's also a great party to meet up with new demons. After all "What did Blitzø do to you?", is a good conversation starter by the look of it.

However, it's not helpful when everything is just about hating and shitting on Blitzø. It creates a horrible obsession and antagonizes him. Not everyone there is 'healing' or moving on, they're holding their grudge against him and it becomes unhealthy. And I know that they're from hell so they don't know a healthier lifestyle, but that's not really an excuse.

Stolas & Verosika

This section is dedicated to my analysis on these 2, especially Verosika

Stolas gets uncomfortable at this party real, but is welcomed by a happy drunken Verosika, who tries to get him to open up and feel comfortable by saying he's among friends and that they all know his pain. Do they really tho? And he does! His song 'All 2 U' is a rock ballad that expresses how he feels about his whole situationship with Blitzø: "I don't think you meant to hurt me, cos I don't think it meant a thing at all to you" - he doesn't think Blitzø felt anything for him, might even think he didn't enjoy the sex or any of their other interaction. "But maybe it's all on me for missing every sign and every glance and every turn" - Stolas tries to put the blame on himself, which is something we often do when we love someone who did us wrong. We try to blame their bad behavior for something we did, even though we shouldn't feel responsible for their bad doing. "All these what if, what if, ..., makes me burn ❤️‍🔥!" - Stolas wants to blame himself, but it hurts. Self-blame is a coping mechanism that often comes from a childhood trauma and he is expressing the consequences of it, the overwhelming pain and intrusive emotions. And like he said to Blitzø this morning: "Seeing you is hard right now!"

In a way you could say that Verosika was helping him by putting the blame on Blitz, she didn't want Stolas to hurt himself over him: "No, no, no, he's a motherfucker!". Even in her own song she expresses what she truly feels over Blitzø, "Ever since you went away, I've been haunted... I always get whatever I want and I wanted you" - so there was in fact a point where Verosika loved him and we know it, it's the whole reason why he dumped her like that. And even after that break up she still wanted him, why? Because like she said she was haunted, she missed him and wanted something we all want when a person screwed us over, closure. Yet, she never got it which left her feeling upset and not knowing what to do about it:"I thought I could stomp you out, like a fire, like a flame. It's done now, but I'm covered in ashes and I still feel the same!" - she resulted in unhealthy coping mechanisms, like fighting Blitzø every time they crossed paths (Spring Broken & Ozzie), but it's not helping her heal her wounds. She even said: "The worst part is; you still make me feel like a bad person for being angry at you now." One could say that this is what inspired her to host these parties, the realization that she's not the only one dealing with these emotions, that she's not alone. There are other demons like her who have been wronged by Blitzø and never got closure. "Baby I'll get over it, I got over you..." - I think this is the message that she wants to send to everyone at this party: you might not get over the situation that fast, but you're definitely getting over him! Verosika herself got over Blitzø but her obsession comes from never getting over her relationship with him, never finding closure and that is definitely changing.

Speaking of the imp, Verosika and him having this very much needed conversation was good for either of them. He's realizing how shitty of a demon he was to others and wants to change, while she's forgiving and encouraging him in his new journey. I know I've been kind of shit talking Blitzø in this entire post, but he's also a victim of himself. So, please cut him some slack.

Don't know any other way of ending this post, but yeah thank you for reading it all the way through.

[howdoesagrapewrites]

what wld lovesick pav and gaya be like w a s/o who tries to be like, healthy in their relationship? like they're not the "i wanna get away bc this is unhealthy" type, but the "i will actively tie you both down and make you communicate your feelings and wants in a healthy way until we can all reach a mutual agreement" way

like the two reach the stage where they don't want their love to leave the house at all- but they kinda quickly shut that down and are like "nuh uh. i have a life, so either we talk it out and find something that works for me and you two or i stay out five minutes past the curfew you set just to make you squirm"

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙪𝙩

Cw: poly!reader x lovesick! Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, explicit talk about mental health

Notes: all I can think about is the reader spraying then with a water bottle like a poorly behaved cat

>You went out of the apartment to get the grocery shopping done, your partners had been behaving oddly, they were always very affectionate and loved being around you, but lately you feel like they have been neglecting their personal life in order to be together

>You left the house when they were taking a nap, you didn't feel like you were sneaking out, just that you were doing chores while they slept

>You think about this as you examine the red apples deciding if you should buy them or not

>Your phone vibrates and you answer to a preoccupied Pavitr, you apologize for not telling them, but you didn't want to disturb them, when you're about to hang up, he hits you with "just wait, we're on our way"

>You're a little confused and annoyed by having to wait for them at the market without being able to continue the list of home necessities, but you tried to be understanding, and thought that maybe when you got home, you could start a conversation about what you've been thinking the whole afternoon

>When they arrived, the outing went smoothly, and happily, like you're used to

>After you finished organizing everything on the shelves and pantry, you started the conversation in a pretty straight forward manner, you didn't want to dance around the subject and talk about issues like they're anything aside a from a completely normal part of every relationship

>You said you wanted to talk, and they were visibly nervous, however, complied

>"So I've been noticing that you don't want to leave the house, and that you get really upset when I do leave, and it concerns me, I won't force you, but I'm your partner too, I'm here for both of you."

>I think these two would be one of the easiest characters to pull into therapy and get them to work through their issues, something that's surprising considering they would never accept this if you were dating individually

>The challenge here is definitely Pavitr, because like I've said a million times already, he's extremely delusional

>So it'll be hard to even make him realize there's an issue with his obsession, also you'll need to reassure him that you're not rejecting his feelings, but rather just want to work through a more positive and healthy way of expressing and processing those feelings

>"But I love you, why don't you love me too?"

>"Of course I do, Pav, but love isn't supposed to hurt"

>Gayatri has a more clear vision of where these issues stem from and will be more cooperative with communication with time

>At first she's closed to the idea, but when she sees how much you care and that you genuinely want to help her, she lets her guard down

>If you respond positively and don't show signs of fear or disgust when she tells you about her feelings, you get to hear, the most gruesome parts, but far from scared, you're proud she feels safe to verbalize and recognize toxic behavior

>I think Pavitr would use mindfulness as a coping strategy for the yandere tendencies, and Gayatri would turn to writing

>Some of Gayatri's pieces are morbid, sure, but it's better than having her do it, you praise the effort

>Sometimes they still relapse and snap at you or get too possessive, but you're having none of it

>You set clear boundaries and as hard as that is, they understand that they'll lose your trust and love if they are unwilling to be better

>I think there's a solid 8/10 chance of fixing them

[all-pacas]

comprehensive ranking of all of chase's relationships and how Compelling i find them. this is objectively correct btw.

CHASE + HOUSE

fucked up father-son mentor-mentee employer-employee bullshit. chase's character development of "failing upward, but tragically" cannot be surpassed. he wants house to respect him and accidentally turns into him. house picks on chase constantly but chase is the one he turns to for schemes and problem solving and keeps giving the truth to. absolutely obsessed. their relationship is so unequal but crucially that's how they both like it.

2. CHASE + 13

the venn diagram of them is a perfect circle. they are cynical and sarcastic and traumatized and repressing it and masking with hyper sexuality and risky behavior and feeling dead inside. we make fun of chase for having no empathy or morals but he sees 13 hiding her trauma and falls over himself desperate to be her friend and therapist. of the "i could make them better/i could make them worse" dichotomy they actually can make one another better. the fact that they probably were attracted to one another but never fucked means so much to me actually: local dumb sluts respect their relationship too much to do the easy thing; become friends instead

3. CHASE + CAMERON

half of chase's development is directly because of cameron and that's actually so bleak. nothing and no one besides his parents has shaped him more. he becomes a dumb whore because he doesn't know how to recapture love and intimacy and wants it; cameron made him happy and he fucked it all up and decides it's easier to cope with if she never loved him at all, if it was unrequited from the start, because otherwise he has to blame himself for driving away the one person who has maybe, ever, loved him. i'm insane about this. it was always doomed but she's literally the stacy to his house, you can't have chase without her fingerprints all over his neck. they have such complimentary and opposing traumas. they both went "i bet this relationship will fix me, they'll fix me" and sat around waiting for it to happen. messiest lesbian breakup of all time

(from here down the rankings mean less, it's very much "top three……everyone else")

4. CHASE + PARK

i really don't care for how the show made them into a joke, hahahaha how cringe the weird girl has a crush on the pretty boy. i love how chase wanted nothing to do with park but somehow they turned into friends anyway. how he helps her when she's scared in 'chase,' how he gets to share her grandmother, how in a real way they're both isolated and feel like outsiders. also this:

PARK: It could just mean that we like each other. I'm weird, and you're pretty, but we connect. We feel safe. We trust each other.

how can you not! be obsessed! they trust one another. i don't ship it, but i want chase over for family dinners. he's just another cousin, it's fine. even once he's her boss.

5. CHASE + FOREMAN

this seems like it might be sarcastic but i'm serious: i love how they kind of never really become friends. like. they are friends. but it's a friendship of proximity, they've known one another forever, they drive one another insane and know exactly what buttons to push. neither of them would ever have picked the other as a friend, and in fact they spend the first half of the show openly hating one another (foreman more openly). they're so different, i'm not even sure they respect one another much. but they've been through everything together. it's like that adage - you don't have to like someone to love them. you don't have to like someone to be friends. (also, conflict is fun.)

6. CHASE + MASTERS

speaking of people who don't like one another!! this isn't a very deep relationship, but i do find it very funny how openly chase just couldn't stand her. he sees this baby version of his ex wife and is just like nope! bye! and yet he actually does pull his head out of his ass when it matters. i like him pushing her to leave house while she still can. i love that masters isn't afraid to call him out. her delivery of "you're a dumb whore" is maybe the funniest thing the show ever did. i like to imagine them meeting again maybe 5 years later and just laughing about it all.

7. CHASE + TAUB

they really don't have a deep relationship, but i like them both and i like that they just kind of get along. it's actually funny how easily chase slots in with the new team in s6. foreman was always trying to make sure the new kids knew he was Their Boss and chase is just immediately comfortable with them. i bet he babysits taub's daughters all the time, but he does absolutely charge for it.

8. CHASE + KUTNER

IN MY HEART THEY ARE NUMBER FIVE OR SIX, but they basically never interact. but god they would have gotten along so well. like you'd think chase would be all cynical and wary like he often gets, but then kutner would let slip 1 (one) superstition or mild conspiracy theory or mention aliens and they'd just be at it for the next eight hours. they'd hang out and play video games and watch soccer and plan weekend hiking trips to search for cryptids. 13 could tag along. we could have had it all. never forget the time that chase blackmailed kutner into 30% of his business profits.

9. CHASE + WILSON

they never!! talked!! this is entirely based on their incredible "let's fuck house over together" dynamic in private lives. the implication that when wilson needs info on house, he turns to chase. the brief glimpse of wilson trying to help recent divorcee chase out. he invited him blind dating. this dynamic had so much potential.

10. CHASE + ADAMS

i really was not convinced by s8's "oho they have sexual tension," especially since it was always told to us, usually by house, and never actually shown. they had occasionally interesting talks about their very different world views, but i don't think that makes for romantic/sexual tension. sorry adams.

11. CHASE + AMBER

we really only see them interact once but it could have been an interesting dynamic to explore! amber thinks he's all cynical and bitter and Out For Revenge, and chase's perception skills kick in on her, and amber isn't wrong but she's reading him as more cynical as he probably actually is. this could have been interesting to explore. i think chase would lowkey hate her but definitely admire her.

12. CHASE + CUDDY

another even rarer dynamic. they had one cute scene in s7. i feel like early seasons chase was constantly trying to kiss her ass. kind of funny how cameron and foreman get lots of scenes with her and wilson and chase is just like la de dah the only person i wanna talk to is house

[random-blurbs]

Let’s Start Over

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary : Lamenting over the days you guys had together that perhaps starting anew will help.

Warning : Mentions of drug use/addiction ,high key toxic behavior (reader is trying to change)

Author’s note: I wanted to explore this theme lowkey as a coping mechanism because truly it ain’t easy to forgive and forget - we can get a happy ending but we gotta work for it. And I wanted to show that here

Hope you enjoy and if you have requests send them over!!

It was insanely awkward. Something Spencer never thought can happen when you’re in the room with him. He remembers the smiles you used to give him whenever eye contact was made. He knows you’re beautiful, he used to tell you everyday. But god when you smiled… that was everything to him. You were everything to him. You still are.

But there was no smile this time. Just awkward tension as you sit across from him. There was no animosity coming from either sides, but it just wasn’t right. You would’ve made some stupid joke by now to ease into it but it’s like there’s this invisible wall between the two.

Clearing your throat, Spencer immediately looked up grabbing his full attention. “You look like I’m going to get you in trouble.” He knew you would say something to try to ease the tension. “Can you blame me?” He let out an awkward chuckle as you gave back a soft smile. “No, I really can’t… it’s been awhile since I’ve been in here.” He sees your eyes take in his apartment. Nothing had changed about it, as if frozen in time when you left him 3 years ago. Only difference is the emptiness that came along with you leaving. Spencer knew he can’t say that obviously but he wished he can tell you how much he needs you.

Whether it was you waking him up with a mediocre breakfast. Your words not his. Even though he swears anything you make would always make him happy to be able to wake up next to you. Or when you guys would further the dent in his couch with another movie/show marathon. As you indulged his Doctor Who obsession and then your Harry Potter one. Everything you did just made life better. He came home to love, to warmth, and safety.

“How’s been work?”

“Why are you here?” He couldn’t help it. He had to ask and it was clear he had startled you with that question. The eyes he love widen in shock as you try to collect yourself again. “It’s selfish of me isn’t it?” Immediently your eyes met your lap which he really didn’t want. Scooting just a tiny bit closer to you on the couch he tried catching your gaze. It was like being next to a skittish cat.

“No it isn’t… Y/N - I’m glad you came.” Hearing the sincerity in his voice felt like the weight on your shoulders is lifting, as you looked back at him. And almost immediately you saw the kind smile he would always give you. And that grew the guilt that has been eating you alive. “Whenever I think about going on with life, it just doesn’t feel right.” Taking a deep breath you shake your head feeling like you need to stop before you ruin your chances of just talking to Spencer. “The other day I went to this museum and I just… I just wished you were there. To tell me about the art and go on a tangent about all I was looking at.”

Spencer felt something get stuck in his throat as it was his turn to look down. The memories that he cherished were bursting at the seams. The good. And the bad.

He wonders if you’re in the same boat.

“And I needed to apologize more than anything.”

He didn’t want to think about those memories. The one you’re trying to apologize about. Rose-tinted glasses is what Derek calls it as he recounted the memories with his trusted friend. Derek knew you, everyone knew you. And they loved you especially for their boy-wonder. They knew about the breakup and how it killed Spencer for months. They saw the eye bags get darker, how he got skinnier, talked less, and simply wasn’t their Reid. But only Derek knew of the why. And you were sure you aren’t Derek’s favorite person. You shouldn’t be and you know that. You never deserved Reid.

“You don’t need to at-.

“I do though! Please.” You begged him quickly shutting him up. “Spence I… I was horrible to you. A-And I can never forgive myself for that. And you don’t have to either it’s just I need you to know I am so sorry.” With tears streaming down your face you try to gauge his reaction.

Spencer had forgiven you a long time ago much to Derek’s dismay. He knew what you did wasn’t right but he was willing to get you help and tackle it together.

“Y/N I know how bad addiction can get. I know what you did wasn’t… out of complete ill intention.”

“Doesn’t make it ok though. And I need you to know that.”

He doesn’t want you to cry anymore, he just wants to hug you and tell you everything is going to be alright. And you can just stay over and have the movie marathons with that weird ice cream flavor you love. But he knows he can’t. This is something you need first.

“And I do know that. It’s just Y/N I love you more than anything that something like this… I was willing to stick it through with you. Because it hurt more than anything to know that the woman I love is suffering and I knew some part of you wanted to stop. And I was here with you because I wanted to help that part of you. The part that couldn’t voice it out I wanted to be that voice.” He reasoned but you shook your head. The guilt was killing you.

You remembered the bad. Practically all of it wishing the drugs had fried that part of your mind. But you know it just wasn’t right. You couldn’t leave Spencer being the only one dealing with the consequences of your actions.

The screaming late at night as you got agitated when you didn’t get your fix. The worrying of money when you went into those benders. The constant mood changes. The look of worry whenever you were on it. You would be on Cloud 9 being in Spencer’s lap blabbing about whatever. Spencer loves every part of you no matter what. But whenever you were on it that’s when he would worry like no other. The frown in his face never left as he tried his best to make sure you were hydrated, well taken care of, not pushing the limits. And you took advantage of all of it.

“I’m a grown woman Spence. I should’ve done better. It took me awhile but I think me leaving was for the better y’know.” That killed him. He was happy for you. Beyond happy, ecstatic even. He’s so proud of you but you leaving was the opposite for him. You took a part with him. That he wishes he can get back with you.

“And I’m so happy for you Y/N. You deserve the world and more.” Chuckling you wipe your eyes feeling weird that you cried in front of him after 3 years of no contact. “Not too sure about the world but thank you Spence for letting me talk to you. Genuinely I do appreciate it, you had every right to reject my offer of a meetup.”

And then you do it. You flash the smile he loves. The uncaring one where you smile with your entire face. The expression that makes him stop thinking and it’s quiet. It’s only you two in the room and you’re the only thing in his head.

“It did catch me off guard but I know you. You were probably reaching out for a good reason.”

It was a comfortable silence that fell between the two of you. One that you missed.

“If you ever need to talk though I’m here for you.” Spencer offered hoping that would be a good excuse for you to reach out. Pathetic? A little. But genuinely he wanted you to stay back in his life.

Shaking your head immediately at the offer you see his expression deflate as you tried to explain, “No Spence, I really do appreciate the offer. But I think I gave you enough baggage as it is. I have a therapist for a reason even though I know you’re more than qualified to be one to be honest.” Chuckling together at the thought of him being a therapist feels like something so strange you can’t even see it.

“I think I would make my client feel more awkward than it already is.”

“Gotta give you 5 sessions with them so you can warm up to them.” You added making him laugh, missing his laugh. Sighing you know your time is close as you saw the darkening sky. His eyes followed yours and he quickly realized it as well.

“Can I be honest with you?” Peeking your interest you nod at Spencer to continue. You saw the look in his eyes. You saw the million thoughts running through his head.

“Wo-Would you…” He let out an anxious sigh as he fiddled with his fingers. He doesn’t know how to say it. What if he gets rejected that would break him all over again. But maybe this is needed so he can move on. Can he? He doesn’t know anymore. Overthinking was his thing. And you can clearly see that as he left you in silence for a few minutes, not realizing you were staring at him expectantly.

You’re not stupid though. You’ve seen in it his face this entire time. He’s in the same boat as you. You still love him. And he still loves you.

“I’m sorry Spence.”

Looking at you, you can see his brown eyes saddening. As he realizes that you knew what he was going to say. “O-oh no yeah of course. It was stupid of me to ask.” Hearing his voice crack in the middle of his sentence hurt you more than anything. He loves you and you love him. But knowing you hurt him at some point took priority. Even if he’s forgiven you since the day you left, you need him to understand that what you did wasn’t ok.

“Spence some part of me wants to still be with you. Truly just thinking about waking up next to you sounds like a dream. But I still need help - obviously I haven’t been using. But I need to give myself time. And I need to give you time to realize that yeah you love me but that shouldn’t make it ok of how I treated you.”

As he goes back through his memories of being at the other end of the one-sided shouting matches. It’s like something clicked. A feeling he forgot he had buried away when thinking back at those time. And it was fear. Fear he would go back to his own habits. Fear that you would hit him at some point. And fear that he would still stay. He can have the highest IQ in the world and know he would need to leave. But the fear he has of his love for you was something he forgot. He forgot that his love for you is scary. And he knows love shouldn’t be that way.

“Looks like something clicked up there.”

“Y-yeah it’s just weird how it hit me… doesn’t mean I’m all better but it’s a little clearer.”

“Believe it or not Spence you tend to bury things until someone has to yank you out to see it.” You know him too well.

“Thank you for coming to apologize. This really helped me more than you think.” He said gratefully happy to see her smiling a little brighter. “Yeah of course it was something I really needed to do. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I never apologized to you. Someone like you doesn’t deserve that.” He felt his face warm up at her words. He wished that they can stay like this forever. But he knows he needs to recount and let himself feel the things he deserved to feel in those moments. And not worry about saying or doing the wrong thing in fear of losing her.

Already at the door as you was putting back on your shoes as he wanted to do one last attempt.

“Let’s start over?” He blurted out which startled you again considering he practically yelled it out.

“Not like forget everything that happened between us. It’ll always be there. But like friends? I’m not asking to explore until we get together. It’s just Y/N even when I had you as a friend you were everything. You cared for me in a way I haven’t been cared for in a long time. And you loved me in a way that no one else did. You make me happy, you make me happy to continue with my day until I get to the moment I see you. I know this sounds like a love confession it’s not I swear! It’s just I want my friend back at least even if it’s not the same. You were the dream I got to achieve and I just want it back…”

He finished breathless, desperate to keep you. He’s ok if it’s not as lovers. It’s more than ok if that’s what you wish. He still needs to hash out the feelings he has for you as he’s finally letting himself be mad that he was treated that way. But when he’s done he wants to know you’ll be there at the other end. Willing to let him back into your life and you into his. He wants to make new memories and accept what happened and continue life.

“Ok.” He expected rejection if he’s being honest. “W-What?”

“I’m cool with being friends but give yourself time first and then we can talk more. I miss my friend as well. So as a friend give yourself time. Anything more we’re going to therapy first. But I can be friends.”

“Thank you.”

“No Spencer…thank you. You’ve shown me unlimited kindness and I won’t ever forget that. But please do what I told you. Hash out your feelings and we can go on that museum date I was telling you about.” With a small smile you waved bye to Spencer as he closed the door as all emotions hit him harder. He felt like he was on autopilot and when he was finally laying in his bed he cried.

Cried and cried.

He loves you he knows that. But you hurt him and now he’s finally dealing with it. You knew him too well and he was acting on pure love and not thinking logically. He needs this. Yes he missesthe kisses you would share, the hugs, the dates, the pure joy he would feel knowing you were in his arms and he can tell you about his day and you would melt the stress away. Because that’s who you were to him.

But now he needs to do this for him. A part of him will always be with you and only with you. But he needs this. Maybe one day you guys can back to being friends and he knows you’ll be willing to wait for him. But this is needed for any sense of understanding to come between the two of you.

And he’s ok with that uncertainty for once.