#and theyre all exhausting to be around
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I wonder what the kids and teachers in luz's school think of her now. Shes stopped "terrorizing" other kids, mainly because she seems to have stopped engaging with most of her classmates period. She no longer brings live animals or taxidermy to school. She even participates in english class occasionally, even if she doesnt "get" the point of the book. Her rants only clock as suicidal if you know about her time in the boiling isles which the people at her school do not.
I wonder if luz's teachers and schoolmates think that luz mellowed out over the summer. If the principal/counselor that suggested she go to the camp patted himself on the back because shes "improved."
#the owl house#toh#shut up pandora#luz noceda#something something people see a neurodivergent kid having depression and breathe a sigh of relief bc now theyre finally 'normal'#people speculate maybe luz would have been fine going to the summer camp and while i agree she would have made friends#she would not have been fine! she would have just learned to suppress her identity like camila did#but going to the boiling isles was her only option bc she either gets suppressed quickly at the summer camp#or she keeps acting out at school and eventually society wears her down and shames her into conforming like it did to her mom#something about how even if the camp helps luz act like a 'normal person' she still would have been miserable bc she couldnt be herself#it temporarily benefits her by giving her friends and benefits ppl around her by making her act 'normal'#but the kids there are still weird at heart! they have a community to be weird around now but society at large will still look down on them#unless they put on a front all the time to fit in#and the boiling isles isnt perfect either its society still looks down on luz for being different#but it accepts her neurodivergence and her new friends are all neurodivergent like her so she still has a community to be herself around#and while it looks down on her for having no natural magic it isnt something shes been shamed about growing up like her neurodivergence was#anyway the camp wasnt as catastrophic as luz thought it would be and vee benefitted from it#but it still represented a slow rot. the kind that eats away at neurodivergent kids as they grow up#slowly shaming them to hide away parts of themselves deemed unfit for society#and when you hide behind a front and are exhausted and miserable from it#everyone applauds you for your 'recovery.' youve improved yourself. they never liked the old you#good job on destroying yourself and shoving the pieces into a facsimile of what the people around you think you ought to be
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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I suppose I'm a little late to the party, but I needed time to collect my thoughts.
Here's the thing, everyone's caught up on Caiti's age and whether she consented. To me, that isn't anywhere near the point. Her being so young is certainly creepy and strange, but not the point.
Here's the first thing, though less important than the next. As an adult, it is blaringly clear how irresponsible these "adults" were. Two grown ass men supplying alcohol to underaged girls in a hotel room. They were up drinking until 6am. They were one noise complaint away from getting the cops called.
Second thing. While underage drinking in the US is fairly normal, 18 is still pretty young here. Also, publicly admitting to supplying alcohol to an 18 year old is crazy, but not the point.
18 year olds can't compete with grown adults when it comes to alcohol. They don't have the same tolerance. There never should have been any "one upping."
No one should have gotten that drunk. The fact that there was a girl leaving, vomiting in her hand is fucking ridiculous. When someone, regardless of their age, is drinking too much too quickly, you cut them off and give them water. This is how college parties are run. Once you start wobbling a little too much, your speech is slurred, and you stop being a person, someone gives you water and walks you home.
And nobody walked her back to her hotel room?? Two grown men. I don't give a shit how tired you are. You always walk a girl home. Who the fuck raised you??
I am an adult man in college. I have been around a lot of different men. I have hung around men that behave like this. Let me promise you this: they got those girls drunk like that on purpose. They both wanted something. When they didn't get it, they just let the girls go. They were never interested in their safety. They were never interested in who they were.
And let me promise you this: there's never just one girl. And any well brought up man would have cut them all off and sent them on their way. There is way more to this situation than lets on.
And of course George never asked for her consent. It was never a question. They brought those girls back to that hotel room with the thought that they'd get something out of it. To George, he heard 18 and thought, "oh cool, she's legal."
I see this happen all the time in college. Usually men don't grow out of all of it, but they usually grow out of begging like a shitty dog in some random girl's DMs. To hear a grown ass man, 26 years old, behave like a fucking 19 year old sophmore in college is pathetic. I'm not interested in giving pathetic men any more time.
Also, love and light to Caiti, she looks like she's 16. "I didn't know she was 18!" First off, doesn't matter. Second off, I would've guessed she was a minor, so I know you checked first. Or else you're even dumber than the fucking college kids. Damn.
#in a few days im sure ill have a less angry post about it all#remember men#it is your responsibility to look after the women around you#cut them off give them water and walk them home#if a girl doesnt wanna fuck you whatever#dont let your ego get so bruised youll put a women is danger#are you out of your fucking mind???#anyway#anyone trying to claim that caiti is lying isnt seeing the point#these men put young women in danger because theyre pissed they didnt get laid#danger that they themselves put together#this isnt a debate#thats fucked up#also#if a woman is so drunk shes not acting like herself anymore#use some fucking critical thinking#can she consent?#fuck no dipshit#if you need to get a girl wasted to get laid#maybe you just have the charisma of fucking ball sweat#take the L and go home#yall fucking exhaust me jesus#thoughts of dante#caitibugzz#georgenotfound#gnf#dream#dreamwastaken#oh that bitch isnt exempt either btw#hes trying to say what happened was ok
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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Can't stop making more of these little guys
#One on the left looks terrible but we'll ignore that#Middle yellow one is an insufferable (affectionate) valley girl who has a rivalry with Trep and they fight all the time#Right one is a veryvery chill gal who just kinda follows yellow gal around and gives zero shits about literally everything#Left one with the spikes and bow takes his blademaster job very seriously and everything was going well!#He had Fulmin and Nelly and could manage them fine#Until Trep came.#Then his sanity plummeted and hes on the brink of exhaustion all the time from their hyjinx#Crow rito isnt yiga but theyre a neutral sundelion merchant that sells to anyone and asks no questions#and also maybe is a lil bit of a sona#yiga oc#totk yiga#yiga footsoldier#yiga blademaster#yiga#yiga clan#crowys art#(Pricklo)#(Nana)#(Komare)#(Lakk)
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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ok movie thoughts time
#letting it marinate for a night really did wonders.i can actually string words together now#THE SOUND DESIGNDHDURJRFJRJHSJDKGRIIDJFKKSJDKFK DELCOOUS FUCKING DELICIOUS#THE SQEAKS OF THE SHOES THE IMPACT OF THE VOLLEYBALL OM THE FLOOR THE DROPS OF SWEAT EVERYTHING GGGGGGGGGG#FUCKKNG GORGEOUS MUSIC AS ALWAYS I FUCKING CRI ED BC IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL#BRO THE STAY INTERSTING SCENE!?!??@@?!?@?@?@??!?!?!?!! I JUMPED INBMY SEAT#THE WAY EVERYTHING HUST GOES SILENT!!?!!?@??!?!?!?!?!!!!! IT SENT CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE HOLY Y#KENMAS FACE THE WAY HINATA JUMPS BACK BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#sidenote im going to devour the kenhina tag on ao3#BRORBORBRJFJGJGNDKDBFKS THE CAGE SCENERE#AND WHNE HE BREAKS OUT OFBTHE CAGE THE FLURRY OF FEATHERS THE BARS GIVING OUT#BROOOOOO KUROOS LAUGH MADE ME SO GIDDYYY THANK GOD FOR THE DARK THEATRE I PRONABLY LOOKED LIKE A FOOL#THE WAY HIS WHOLE BODY SHAKES. LAUGHING WITH HIS WHOLE BEING IM AIDJFHSJDKDK#I LOVE LOVE LOVED TINY KUROKEN SCENES!!!!!!!! FJFFFJHDKSKFK KUROO TINY BOUNCE AWAY FROM SUCCESSFULLY BUMPING THE BALL HAHSHEHEHFHDJJ THE#ENTIRE THEATRE STARTED LAUGHING IT WAS SO SO SO OOVELY#GOOOOOOOOOOOD TSUKKIS SMILE LIGHTING UP THE WORLD#THE TSUKKIYAMA SCENE!?!??@?@??!?!!! FUCKING CHOKED. HOLY SHIT. IT WAS BEAUTIFULLL#THE BICKERING WHEN BOTH SIDES ARE ALRESDY FUCKING EXHAUSTED. HILARIOUS WONDERFUL AMAZING FINALLY HEARING IT#the tiny bokuaka commentary sprinkled within ;w; BOKUTO BEING OMGG LOOK AT OUR TSUKKI#ive read the manga i know this happens i just was still not prepared bc its so different WHEN THERES MUSIC AND VOICES AND ITS JUST U IN A#THEATRE WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST PIECES OF MEDIA YOUVE EVER CONSUMED#WAS FUCKING LAUGHING AT LEV DOING PUSHUOS W YAKU SITTING ON TOP OF HIM LLOL#ALSO NOYAS EXCITED HUG HE GIVES HINA HANSNFIDJ HAIR RUFFLES#BOTH SIDES HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE BEING LIKE BRO WHY ARE U SO COOL?!?!??@?@?!!! BRO EHY ARE Y O U SO FREAKING COOL#THAT FINAL FINAL BIT#before kenma goes to set the ball...the pan around the gym. the flash back to the training round....WAS FUCKING SOBBBINGG#WWWHNE THEY WHENE THEYR SHAKING HANDS WHENB THE MATCH IS VOER AND THEYRE ALL EXHAUSTED#LYING THERE CALM QUIET TIRED OUT FOT HEIR MINDS IM GOGIFJBDJSJDKF#broooo i wish the movie could have lasted for7 whole days it was over so quickly;w;#phenomenal. it was absolutely phenomenal insane gorgeous i need to see it again#need to commit every second to memory i need to stop blinking i csnnot miss even a single millisecond of it
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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?
#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk#i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting#it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer.#i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love.#im not the type you launch a thousand ships for.#so what's left?#who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture.#i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for.#im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now.#except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving.#i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around.#how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too.#its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like#ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out.#ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing#the trail? how do i become myself happy and free?#because i WANT to be more#i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy#but i dont know how to get there#and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me#all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself#i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do#anyway.#anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol#im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good.#please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM#lilac rambles
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Setting up the warp for some towels. Wanted something lower stress to figure out the warping board on, plus my mom is visiting in a couple weeks and ive been promising her more towels for ages now.
Far as i can tell i kind of just need to take this off and start another one whenever the board is full (as it is now). Maybe thats not the right way to do it, but i do not (as of yet) see any downsides to that, so it's what im gonna do. Idk, im used to doing direct warping and just walking the warp.
Warp is all millspun cotton, leftovers from the cotton stripey scarf i did on commission last year.
This is 62 warp ends and i need around 180, so i guess i need 2 more of these.
#gonna try and set it up so that im only using treadles 1 and 4#have been able to drive on my right foot altho it does suck#but not as much as walking. so i assume trying to walk my feet down the treadles would be bad as well#went to joanns today to just get a tiny bit more of the white yarn for the warp#using my crutches. turns out theyre moving and had already sold out of all the yar#yarn*#but i only got about 10 paces into the door before i realized there was probably not more yarn in the back#and if i had to get myself over there to check id probably break down crying#n then i had to repeat the whole experience at michaels altho at least they did have it#but it is so fucking painful and exhausting to use those crutches#maybe too much to ask for but i should have been given a wheelchair#or something that i can actually move around in without constant gutting agony#aaaaanyway. am back home at least. trying not to move around too much#my foot is barely even bothering me the actual problem is that staying off my foot puts all the strain on my other leg#which absolutely cannot take it#but it means at least that if im stationary its not so bad#weaving
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people who have all of the discworld books in the same edition how does it feel to live my dream
#discworld#noah reads discworld 🔮#nvm same edition. same DIMENSIONS even 😭😭#ive got the teeny versions of all of them so far EXCEPT the colour of magic which is like the standard size#it is so fun going around second hand bookshops trying to collect them all#i've ended up turning to ebay bc ive exhausted my local bookshops#but hey theyre still second hand just from an online seller#anyway people who have the nice hardback special editions how does it feel to be the coolest motherfuckers alive
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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it's so crazy how you can repeatedly tell some people that you don't want to continue talking about a subject or even to continue the conversation and they will keep saying things anyway. me when i'm great at talking to people without making them feel like shit
#i way overtaxed my social battery today and i should have noticed before i started crying but they should also stop doing that to me#its fine theyre leaving tomorrow and then inshallah i will not have to speak to a single person if i dont want to for the next 13 days#i made the statement that i'm tired all the time and always have been and apparently that was an invitation to be told how bad i'm doing at#life and existing and if i ate 150 grams (?!!!????) of protein a day i would be fixed#like. why is it too much to ask that hyperbolic critiques about how bad i am at being a person not be said aloud around me. kill me#“you dont need to run away just because we started talking about a mildly hard topic” well you could have stopped talking about it#the first or second or third or fourth time i expressed that i did not want to continue talking about it and then not even let me leave and#go to bed to cry in peace and bitch on my blog because you had to keep harping on how i must want to be exhausted and in pain constantly#fuck off to hawaii and leave me in peace. whatever namaste#me
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Between me, my grandma, and my grandpa, we are the father, son, and holy spirit of hallucinations.
#i smell thats that arent there. grandma sees things that arent there. grandpa hears things that arent there.#theyre both in their nineties though. new meds. making them hallucinate.#i love them and all that but life would be a lot easier if they. weren’t. alive. WHICH SOU DS AWFUL IK.#but so many people have to run around and drop everything all the time to look after them#its exhausting
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the whole " should i go ahead and apply for this house bc it looks decent enough and its literally the only one that's i can afford or would i be jumping the gun too soon and i should wait just in case a better house pops up" anticipation is soooooo 💀
#like yeah this house is good but could a better one pop up later??? btu what if i lose the opportunity??? hate this shit#cause if its a decent price for me then chances are ppl are going to dive for it as well and itll be gone in like a week#but real shit im ready to move on from apartments lmfao i literally cannot deal with People Being Everywhere All The Time#my evergrowing unhealthy antisocial ass thats terrified of being perceived is not having a punk rock time anymore#my own washer and dryer i will fight 4 u#plus the CONSTANT hyperawareness of making any noise ever up here is rlly exhausting im ready to take a shower at 4am and not gaf#not to mention everytime i get Too high my paranoia gives me delusions of all my neighbors trying to break in my house and kill me bc theyr#sick of my shit (what that shit is idk LMFAO) like every noise they make sounds so angry#idk man im ready for my own true space FOCK#ive decided im just gunna rent i aint buyin a house around here forget it lmfao#but hey at least i know that i know that ill be in an actual house by the end of the year and no more ''making too much $'' anxiety#but finding said house is 🤡🔫#ANYWAY this has been: roxy housing rants
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