#but it means at least that if im stationary its not so bad

[milkweedman]

Setting up the warp for some towels. Wanted something lower stress to figure out the warping board on, plus my mom is visiting in a couple weeks and ive been promising her more towels for ages now.

Far as i can tell i kind of just need to take this off and start another one whenever the board is full (as it is now). Maybe thats not the right way to do it, but i do not (as of yet) see any downsides to that, so it's what im gonna do. Idk, im used to doing direct warping and just walking the warp.

Warp is all millspun cotton, leftovers from the cotton stripey scarf i did on commission last year.

This is 62 warp ends and i need around 180, so i guess i need 2 more of these.

[oh-no-boi]

mm lrb (last reblog? is that a thing haha) and just its not the same but the assumption that im not doing anything with my life/time bc im not dating and not going "out" is rly stupid

my coworker didnt mean anything by it but his shock abt me not dating anyone and alao that bc im a homebody, im not doing much..... like no i make games, i draw, i craft, i write, my 3 journals take up plenty of time too.. also i go to downtown toronto somwtimes for stationary stuff LOL im tired from working but i got plenty of shit im doing

like currebtly:

• finished domino club game jam thus resting

• i have likr 25 linoprints where i gotta print layer 2 (winter holiday cards bc snailmail is great)

• im back to sorting my dolls for ebay and after that, i am finally going to organize my 3 display cases

• as always, 2 out of 3 planner/journals, take up at least 2-3 hrs a week as i write the daily pages from my phone notes

• i would like to go to the park more, i wish i had energy to walk and draw again but i just go to the playground swings for my mental health occationally now 😔

• i am reading so many danmei novels like one after another.. balancing my time between reading and doing other things is a careful balance

• winter holiday gifts are on my mind.. one has been ordered but many more to figure out..

idk like theres comics to read too and games to play, and books to read, and so much art supplies i shud fucking use one of these days.. need to get back into watercolours lol.....

my life isnt worse or more boring due to me not dating or staying home/close to home....

i've literally gone to place in toronto where u can be nude and see ppl getting it on and put on the "not interested" bracelet and fell in love with not giving a fuck abt my own nudity levels and falling in love with the heated pool...... holy shit is it nice to just wear swimsuit bottoms and a swim shirt without a bikini top lmao the fucking best (i have been nude but i also am a weirdo who does like the feel of clothes and like i cant live without socks when not in bed, and underwear is a helper in controlling my bladder feelings, and then i just love an oversized tshirt ok it feels good but also im chill to be tits out)

idk theres just something great abt knowing that sure i might be squemish to ever try sex and sure im aroace something, and i dont think im gotta end up actually dating anyone but fingers crossed i guess? but also yeah i masturbate, i've been nude in nudist place, i've sent nudes before tho not sexy chat lol i draw porn, i have a lot of distressed anime girl porn on my phone what of it, im an adult and im happy* living my life and frankly i dont see how dating would even work for me when i want to be reading bl half my waking hours... i just need to hang out with friends more

oh also coworker was like "ur 23, right?" and im just oh buddy haha

*i mean mild? depression but we ignore it bc we are only truly depressed when thinking bad thoughts or like the future or anything, ok fine i still feel like its fake but we cant ignore that i did try antidepresants and also did get close to vague suicide thoughts but like im fine, i got planners and stickers and weekly bubble tea ok

[npcdeath]

fyi to yall in quarantine whos grasp on reality is getting a little slippery: isolation, intense boredom, stress and lack of positive routine are absolutely contributing factors to exacerbating psychosis and psychosis-adjacent disorders, even latent ones. im not saying this to fearmonger im saying it so u can recognise it and take steps to handle it especially if it induces your first ever episode.

some warning signs can include

starting to believe unusual things that you previously did not believe (e.g. living in a simulation / you or others around you not being real / secretly being in hell or dead / otherworldly beings communicating with you somehow / government conspiracies / everyone around you is out to get you and harboring ill intent)

seeing things youre pretty sure arent there (e.g. shadow people, floating lights, stationary objects moving on their own, animals in a house that doesnt have pets)

hearing things (e.g. murmured voices, occasional clear and loud voices, faint music, scratching sounds, any without a source)

feeling a sense of dread or generalised paranoia, a sense that you are being watched or that something terrible is looming on the horizon but you dont know what

having extra trouble putting your thoughts in order and speaking coherently, cannot concentrate, space out to the point of feeling slightly catatonic

those most at risk are anyone with a family history of this vein of mental illness as well as those using certain drugs to get through the tedium of quarantine - if this is you, its best to research whether the substances youre using have documented links to triggering episodes of psychosis in users. weed is included in this, not just psychoactive drugs.

here are some steps you can take to get a handle on the situation if your grasp on reality is slipping like this and you cant access irl mental health resources.

have a routine. this is vitally important - you need structure. set an alarm for a specific time every day, even though you have nowhere to be. give yourself a bedtime. eat 2 meals a day, at least, at regular times.

leave the house. no, i dont mean Go Out, just be outside for a while every day or two. go for a walk if you can. stand outside your house for 15 minutes paying attention to the cars and the birds and the breeze and the clouds if you cant. really observe your surroundings. get sunlight.

on that note - let as much natural light into your house as possible during waking hours. your circadian rhythm needs it.

take up some form of hobby that requires physical engagement - whether thats journaling, drawing, making origami, gardening, cooking. the point of this is to ground yourself in your body and the world around you, have an affect on your surroundings, and stimulate your brain.

dont dwell on your delusions, hallucinations or distressing trains of thought if you can help it. that isnt to say "snap out of it and just dont have symptoms", but rather accept them without either judging them or overindulging in them. observe them as they happen, accept that they happen, and let it go, if you can. you may not be able to control the experiences, but you can control how you react to them, and the best case scenario is not allowing them to overwhelm your thoughts and your days. this is much easier said than done, especially if the experiences are distressing in nature, but the aim is to sever the feedback loop that causes further stress and thus further bad extrasensory experiences.

this is honestly just a basic surface scratch of advice though bc im by no means an expert, just someone w latent psychosis who used to work in the field for a while. there are tons of resources online by others who have experienced psychosis that can be a huge help if u think you might be at risk due to the stress, boredom and uncertainty of quarantine

[otakusheep15]

hello!! i was wondering if i can ask for a matchup (if it is open)?

pronouns: she/her (questioning if i'm genderfluid because i kinda like he/him too)

sexuality: bisexual

positive trait/s: i feel like i'm very understanding, or at least a good listener. this could be a bad thing in the end sometimes though because i will NOT have the courage to tell you if you look bad in that outfit or if your new haircut sucks. i just can't be mean to people right away unless they've given me a reason to. i guess one more is that i do try to be nice to others. even though i'm kind of an introvert, im always talking to the ones who are more shy than me so that they feel comfortable (this is mostly in school or with new students in our class/year level)

negative trait/s: i procrastinate alot (but i still get stuff done, i'm actually a high honors student how ironic), i am a people-pleaser and do not like confrontation, i am... prideful... and i'm also quite envious. like i just cannot stand people having what i want, but of course, i can't be mean to people because i need to appear "perfect." i'm also quite a control freak sometimes (eldest traits develop and STAY for the rest of your life i guess... no one informed me—)

hobbies: journaling, collecting stationary supplies (washi tapes, memo pads, all the cute ones like that i just cant help but buy them), napping (i take at least two naps a day,, its a problem), shopping for clothes and improving my wardrobe aesthetic. also cosplaying. i like cosplaying <3

favorite color: black and red

i'm open to being matched with anyone :))

thank you in advace!! <33 sorry if this was too long :(

I match you with Beel!

I'm just gonna be blunt here, you seem like the type of person who just needs a break so bad. You seem like you just wanna be cared for and loved, and I feel like Beel would provide that. You two would get along pretty well since you share many similar traits. Beel is also a good listener, so you could rant your problems to him without fear of judgement. But unlike you, he's a bit more blunt, so he's more willing to say what he feels, even if it's a bit mean. In a way, I could see this being good for you. He is surprisingly intuitive towards people he cares about, so I imagine he would have a good read on your general personality and any gives as to how you might be feeling. With this, he might be able to decipher what you really feel even when you're trying to be nice, and he can tell the other person for you. If you don't want him to do that, he'll understand and try his best to stay quiet so as not to upset you. Beel is also kind of an introvert, but he's more than happy to socialize when needed. He has a big heart and he tries his best to be nice, even when he doesn't come off that way. I feel like he would join you when you go out to hang with the shy kids and would gladly sit with y'all as well.

Beel doesn't procrastinate too often, but he understands the feeling. Belphie is his twin after all. He'd do his best to help motivate you into getting your work done at a reasonable pace so that you don't fall behind or anything. He might even consider doing some of your work for you if it's nothing major and it's something he's good at. Yeah, Lucifer might get mad at him for it, but you're more important. He is also not afraid to confront people for you if you'd prefer, and he doesn't care about people-pleasing all that much either. And Beel can understand the whole envy thing. I mean, his older brother is the literal Avatar of Envy, plus he gets that way when it comes to food, so he really does get it. I feel like he'd help you try and get past your envy, or at least try to lessen it. (On the bright side, he does come from a rich family, so maybe he could buy you things if you wanted lol.) While he certainly isn't the eldest brother, Beel gets the perfection thing. Most of his brothers tend to be perfectionists, and even he can get that way on occasion. He'll ask his brothers if they have any ways of dealing with their controlling natures, and he'll do his best to help you out wherever he can.

As for your hobbies, he pretty much just enables all of them. Beel finds journaling to be fairly interesting. He doesn't do it himself, but he likes that you do. He heards it's a good way to vent or get out emotions you don't have a way of speaking. Beel would also fuel your stationary collection so much. If he ever has to go shopping, he's buying you any and all stationary he can find. Doesn't matter how expensive, it's getting to you. Belphie makes Beel nap with him several times a day, so he's already used to it. Beel would definitely offer for you to join them for naps. If you don't want to sleep with the both of them, he'll make time for the both of you separately. He doesn't know much about clothes, so he'd probably go to Asmo or Mammon to ask for advice when he wants to buy you something. They know more than he ever will, and he will use all of their knowledge. He'd also be willing to go shopping with you if you ask. It's the same with cosplaying. He'll ask Levi about it so that he can understand it better when he goes to you. He might even consider cosplaying himself if you ask nicely and bribe him with cheeseburgers.

Rules for matchups

[red-riding]

A Purr-fect interference : Legolas X Reader

This is my entry for the prompt of back cat for day 11 of the 13 days of spooky writing event hosted by @dumbassunderthemountain​. Sorry its a little odd I wanted to test out framing devices and do something different from anything I have heard before so here it is. 

Before you read: This is starting out taking place from the perspective of the readers pet black cat. C/N Represents cat name, I was not sure what to name the cat and want reader to be able to put their cat in the story if they choose so yeah. I hope you guys like my attempt at framing device use and the cat is heavily based around Salem from Sabrina the teenage witch, also the cat can talk so yeah. This story is supposed to be kinda absurd and funny so don't think about the whole talking cat thing too logically. 

Also yes Ik I used the joke purr-fect an absurd amount and no one can change that!

C/N POV: 

I sighed as I watched my human y/n and that elven prince Legolas talk. They were both unbearably awkward, it hurt to watch. They both obviously liked each other yet neither would admit it. Two leggers can be so absurd at times with always making everything so complex. 

I guess I'm just going to have to lend a paw and take some time out of my napping schedule to help these hopeless beings. I mean they say charity is good for the soul right? 

What will my plan be to help them? Aww I got! I have a purr-fect way to intervene and fix this, I just need to find someone to help me. 

I trotted along the halls of Mirkwood looking for some elf to possibly assist me and saw no other than the king. He can help, it is his son after all and Tharnduils bad parenting that has made Legolas so damm nervous. 

“Hey! giant blond tree king.” I hollered as I ran to catch up to him. 

The king sighed and rolled his eyes as he looked down. “if it isn't my least favorite being. Your lucky your lady y/n’s cat fur ball or else you would be a perfect scarf. “ The king complained.

“I need your help, so stop complaining.” I commanded the king. 

“and why would I, the great king of mirkwood help you?” Thranduil inquired.

“Because it will help your son.” 

“How so?” 

“I have devised a genius plan to make Legolas and y/n finally confess their feelings.” 

“And how does this plan involve me?” 

I Explained my genius plan to the king, he smiled slightly and agreed to help me. Purr-fect.

...... Y/n POV

I waved prince Legolas goodbye and returned to my room. If only I was brave enough to tell Legolas how I felt, but he could never feel the same way right? 

Once I opened my door I noticed an elegant looking envelope placed on my bed with a rose, what could this be? I carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the letter in side.

Dearest Y/n

I request your presence in the royal garden at 10:00 pm by the fountain.

All my love,

sincerely your secret admirer and lover. 

Who could this letter be from I thought? Could it maybe be Legolas, it is written on royal stationary. It might just be him! Does that mean Legolas loves me? I look over at my clock to see its 9:30 pm already and hastily open my closet to try to find the best dress I have to wear.

Once I get dressed and the clock strikes ten I make my way to the mystical royal garden, with a hopeful smile upon my face. As I walk to the fountain I see a blond figure dressed extremely formally, as the figure turns to face me my heart swells as I realize it is Legolas.

“Legolas, So You did send me the letter?” I ask anticipation laced in my voice.

“Letter?  I was going to ask if you sent a letter to me.” Legolas asked confused. 

“Wait.. I did not send a letter to you and it seems you did not send one to me...”

“Someone set us up” Legolas finished my sentence coming to my same conclusion.

“Umm... Well, Since we have been put here in this situation now is as good as time as any, though its not what I expected this would look like. y.n, Would you do me the honor of allowing me to court you?” Legolas asked with a shaky nervous voice. 

“Of course yes!” I exclaimed being over taken by excitement and ran to hug Legolas catching him off guard.

C/N POV:

I sat watching the scene unfold below on the Kings balcony with a small pur as my tail swayed behind me. 

“My plan worked perfectly, Im a genius!” I exclaimed.

“Your plan? You wanted to feed them catnip and force them into a room together.” Thranduil stated with annoyance.

“Well how was I supposed to know catnip did not work on humans or elves?”

“It is called CAT-nip, Its kinda self explanatory. It was my plan that did this, it warms my heart to see young love and my son happy. Reminds me of many millennia ago when I-” Thranduil was cut off.

“Yeah yeah, I get your old. Now shush snow white and let me revel in my success.” 

[ligaw]

friend, do u have advice for getting into journaling?

omg hello friend!! ☺

advice abt journaling

ive been journaling on & off for abt as long as i can remember! some of the things that have helped me:

this might be a bit obvious, but simply remembering your journal is yours and for your eyes only is something i find quite helpful! whether its experimenting with format, doodling, choice of words, writing down thoughts/emotions you struggle with, etc. once you've well and truly internalized that, it's incredibly freeing!

to a certain degree, i like looking for inspiration online when im feeling particularly adventurous or creative. though, keeping it simple, whether youre starting or getting back into it, is also the best way to go. with time, you end up figuring out what works, and most importantly, what you like, anyway! let it come to you organically and naturally.

personally, i have 2 kinds of journals, which im sure is what most people do too: a) Writing heavy journals and b) a dumping ground for memorabilia and my habit of collecting misc stuff & cutting pictures rom mags, etc. keep daily feeling/thought dumps and more visual stuff separate helps because sometimes the urge to be creative paralyses ends up restricting or blocking free thought all together or the need for it to look pretty or perfect, but again! its for you & your eyes only. this way you have the best of both worlds dot mp3.

journaling is a hobby, a way to stay present or grounded, depending on your approach, it could be anything. but, one thing it should not feel like an obligation. don't be too hard on yourself for missing days and days or not finishing entries. there are periods of your life that may pass by largely undocumented, simply bec of life. and its natural to feel sad & regretful abt it, but forgive yourself that, move on and dont let it discourage you!

also, journaling is supposed to be fun!!!!!!!!! i know i said start simple (& i do mean that) but also, buy pretty pens and markers and stickers and use them for yourself!! as a treat!! dont let pretty stationary, etc collect dust in a box under your bed! use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ive never posted any of my journals on social media and, frankly, the thought terrifies me still to this day. kudos to those who do! but i feel like there's something special to be had in creating something for yourself. dont feel obligated to post or share anything online,

honesty! again, this is quite obvious, but this is something i also feel like i have to remind myself of when i journal. honesty about how you feel, about your memories. from experience, if you're recording memories, its crucial to be honest, especially when it's hard. also, the one person i feel like we talk to and listen to the most is ourselves, in a way, so we kinda owe it to ourselves too.

ive bought almost every journal prompt/interactive book under the sun. and they Are great for ideas!! but, while they were fun to fill out, thinking back, they were limiting in the end and it was easy to beocme dependent on the prompts. gotta have your unique & individual voice!! its all good to have fun but keep yourself from slipping into the trap of the sameness of those cutesy journals

practice! keeping in mind that this is not an obligation, i feel practice is important (not to make perfect, bec imo theres no such thing as a perfect journal no matter what ig & pinterest will lead you to believe). in my experience at least, what i mean, is that expressing yourself takes practice too! to be clear, your journal isnt being graded or judged, yes, but, make a conscious effort to write what you feel that is noteworthy and describe them in a way that you feel does them justice, whether they are good days or bad days, highs or lows, etc. your future self will def thank you for capturing both ♡

[mother-of-marigolds]

aye okay tagged by @coffeen0va (sup homie) to post six random things about myself and then tag ten more people!

not sure if i know enough people but why not~

I like knitting, sewing, and quilting~ Most people don’t expect that from me since i’m a bit of an edgy teenager, and irl I dress like a hood rat. But its fun! I’m working on a scarf that I recently realized was a bad idea because its too.. like.. stiff? I dunno. It’s one of my first things and its for a friend anyway, so I hope they find a use for it ÙwÚ; ! Also i have unfortunately lost like all my needles but two, and ones smaller then the other, so i’m gonna try to woo someone into taking me to michaels soon.

When I was younger, I was a really avid reader. Like hella. When I was givin my kindle fire I hacked it like immediately to take advantage of the lack of parental control~ Aaaaand aside from the one time I accidentally got in trouble for downloading a lottery game, 90% of what I got yelled at for was buying too many warrior cats books.m too fast. I would finish them in like a week. I bet they’re all still on that thing...

Someday I plan on moving somewhere out in the middle of assfuck nowhere and growing my own food/keeping a sheep or three. That way I can minimize what I need money for and have something to sell! I don’t like the idea of working a job, it’s just not really my thing. I wanna be outside and have the choice to dictate what I wanna do, yanno? Also I want to live somewhere nice so that my friends can visit when they’re stressed and be away from the world for a bit ^^

This one is mildly concerning to some people but I have a business where I sell pins for like a quarter. The concerning part is that they are... uh... They aren’t mine. Its really fun because I get to help people get at least some small nice thing for p cheap. Also if I manage to get someone to buy four, I have a dollar! That means I can buy food from the underground market at school!

I really wish I spoke more languages. I only speak one /barely understand another, and it’s so boring!! I wanna be able to read things and travel to other sides of the internet but im stuck in one because it’s all I know. But learning other languages takes time and paitientce and stuff and I can only manage that when i’m not in school. (Becuase school takes up far too much of my energy, I can barely do anything.)

Heck I dunno, lets see... Oh. I like sending letters to people! Its really fun and I like collecting the stamps!!! If you’re someone I know like roughly well (as in, we talk a lot) and ur parents won’t be hella sus if you have a penpal, hit me up!! I need an excuse to buy stamps from the post office, and stationary, and oooo dude!!

Okay I tag uhhh @lottie-the-terrible @prussias-awesome-aura @sunagakurepuppetbrigade @icyraindrop @freckles-are-just-angel-kisses @irl-knife @bananapajama87 @apharc @starsilversword

y’all don’t have to if you don’t wanna but here you go~

[dimpledpran]

HELLO FRIEND! oh my gosh so the last few days have been a whirlwind, god. First thing's first MERRY CHRISTMAS~ (belated as it may be!) i hope you had a wonderful day! I am sending you lots of hugs and love!! (1/?)

how was your christmas? did you eat lots and well? did you get any nice gifts?? :D why is that always the case with siblings though, my brother never finds me funny and he tells me im not and im like dude im hilarious asf ur a hater lmao but yes do show this to ur sister as proof that others do find you very funny! lol. sdfksj ofc ur not trying to be mean lol that's how friendships work most times its ok and also at least she also agrees lmao we all have our talents and stuff we aren't so great at its ok lol there is definitely no judgment in that comment i promise you! lmao i should've clarified after it i wasn't judging i was marveling actually cause it's been a hot minute since ive seen a larry blog and an active one at that.i know some people give them bad rep but i don't generalize or judge anyways like if it brings you joy and you aren't hurting anyone what's the issue? uwu yeah we have several places around here, i just don't really go out and i don't drive lmao (long story) so it's hard to find new places to try yfm? but one day i'll get around to trying all sorts of yummy food from other places. WE LOVE STATIONARY FREAKS IN THIS HOUSE lol that's actually so cute awww im glad that was fun and you loved your gift it's what u deserve!! on my side here we didnt really do like ss more like we all gave each other small little gifts at work it was nice heh. that was the end of the reply there from last time. so i don't remember how the cc is supposed to work? do we like? show ourselves or? also i do wanna apologize again for the scarcity of my msgs but i hope it was at least fun/enjoyable conversation for you heh <3

Hello pal!!

I am so sorry for the late reply. I think I saw your asks while I was half asleep, and then totally forgot about it. Ooops. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!! I hope you had an amazing day filled with lots of love, joy, warmth, gifts, and good food! My christmas went great! We had dim sums for lunch! hahah My mum was working so we just ordered food in and then opened gifts. We are having a nice “christmas dinner” on NYE instead. How was your christmas? Did you have fun?

Riighhtt? It is so unfair that our siblings never appreciate us. :( 

Hahaha I actually took a break from tumblr and the fandom. Just got back on tumblr this year actually. Yeah, exactly!! I dont understand why that is so hard for some people to understand, and I mean it goes to both extremes of the fandom. Like just let people do their thing. As long as they are not hurting or being harmful to themselves or anyone else, let it be. How hard is that?? 

Yesss! Trying out all the different cuisines should definitely be on the bucket list! haha I hope you find a nice lace to try the food! 

YESSSS! Stationery and any kind of organisational stuff! There is just something so satisfying about it. I guess it kinda gives you the impression that you have your life together, and makes you feel motivated to face the day. idek if I’m making sense. hahah awww That’s nice! So what did you get? Did you get any cool gifts?

Hmm I am not too sure, but I guess you can just send me an ask without being on anon for the reveal?Which might just be the next one i think. haha. That is going to be exciting!! 

Thank you for your sweet message and wishes! And please don’t fret about it! I had lots of fun talking to you, and I was always looking forward to it!! Cant wait to talk more even after this is over! :) Hope you have a great week ahead. Sending you lots of hugs and love! Take care and stay safe! xx

[vampirewithbedsidemanners]

Out of the Vault: Story Time

STORY TIME This is not a work of fiction. TRIGGER WARNING: ACTIVE SHOOTER/THREAT. If you are sensitive to the topic, dont read. This is something I wrote for myself following a pretty intense situation at work. This was a few years ago but Im leaving out names and places on purpose, still. You hear a lot about active shooters in the media but they rarely cover active shooter threats, which can take a toll as well. I saw a news report once about schools in bad neighborhoods that have regular lock downs because of shootings in the surrounding neighborhoods are giving their students PTSD just trying to protect them.  I can see why. I don’t think I have PTSD, but I wont really know until I get another call like this.

I don’t think about it often. Sometimes, in the days after when the rest of the world started forgetting, I would remember it.

But most days, especially now, it was a distant nightmare. I was still a kid at the time, young and naive. I still lived in that bubble of ‘it will never happen to me’. Every close call solidified that bubble. The almost stabbing, the drug busts, the scrappy fist fights that always ended with someone getting snowed, fed the delusion. Somewhere in the middle of all of it, I knew that we were short staffed. That I shouldn’t be clearing buildings and parking lots and bathrooms with drug addicts overdosed on the floor, by myself. Most days, I didn’t even notice.

It makes you feel big, even when you’re not. 5′1″, I disappeared behind the desk at the stationary post without even trying. The other guards couldn’t get in the patrol car behind me without moving the seat back. But there was an adrenaline rush to it that made me feel like I could do this, no matter my size. I liked the work, it made me a piece of a larger puzzle.

“You better lock down the hospital, I’m coming to kill you all.”

12 words.

5 minutes before help arrived.

1 other guard.

6 buildings. 23 floors between all of them. 11 elevators. 2 pedways. A tunnel. 17 entrances.

9 parking lots.

43 employees. Roughly 100 patients.

5:30 a.m., all the doors have automatically unlocked.

We had no plan. We had no face to put to the voice. The operator who took the call was doubled over in a corner, crying. The House Supervisor was quiet. My coworker, always confident on the border of cocky, was at a loss for words.

“Do we take this threat serious.” The question hung in the air.

“We have to.” House said. And that was it. The horrible, terrible, unfair truth about threats. Bomb threats. Active Shooter threats. It didn’t matter.

Its real until it’s not.

I used to write about how adrenaline rushes make you numb to the pain. I slammed my hand in the first door, trying to get it to lock. I was at the end of a long hallway, outside the Emergency Room. It was the first external door I passed on the way into the rest of the hospital. I felt the pain in my hand, even though the adrenaline was pumping. My palms were sweaty, and I was out of breath. I had to jump up over and over, swiping at the off button before I could lock the door.

As I ran down the hall towards the surgery area, all I could think was ‘I should have started at the main lobby.’ These long hallways with nowhere to hide would have made me an easy target. One short, out of breath, underpaid and overworked guard with a thousand keys and blood dripping down her hand because she was clumsy and couldn't lock a door, target.

The surgery entrance door stands open when you turn off the box. I didn’t know that at the time. I could feel the seconds ticking by as I struggled with it. In hindsight, I should have just locked the inner door and been done with it. They were glass anyways, and definitely not bullet proof. Anyone who wanted to get in wouldn't have been deterred by glass.

By the time I hit the pedway, I felt sick. It had been 2 minutes since I had started locking down the hospital, something that we had no plan or procedure for. Somewhere between day surgery and the pedway, I started to get tunnel vision. I don’t remember my thought process for calling my husband, and I vaguely recall what I actually said on the voicemail. My words were kind of hard to make out over the sound of me running down a flight of stairs.

‘I love you. I’ll be home late. Don’t freak out, but we have a Code Black at East. I love you.’ It was all I could make out. The first time I listened to it, a few weeks after that day, all I could remember thinking was ‘this could have been the last thing he ever heard from me.’

When I reached the main lobby, I started moving people away from windows and down into hallways. Registration helped some, mostly with moving benches. No one really knew what to do. Someone brought me a printout. Cops had arrived, there was just 2 patrol cars parked outside the Emergency Department. More were coming. They traced the number and got an ID. I was expecting a mugshot, not a military ID. The grainy black and white photo did very little to help with identification. I was looking for a black man, in his early 20’s, of unknown height or weight, neither of which are listed. I stood by the door, vetting everyone that came in. More cops showed up, some in undercover vehicles, some off duty in their own cars. It became harder and harder to tell what was suspicious from what wasn’t. I think by that point, the paranoia had set in. Even if the cops had more info than I did, they would have had just as hard a time picking a non-descript black man out in a crowd.

A man in sweats approached the front door. He had walked past the off-duty cop parked in front. The cop started opening his door to get out, or at least that is what my brain saw. It could have been anything, or nothing. I didn’t know. It was the hoodie that caught me off guard. Baggy clothes conceal everything. His hood was up, hands in his pockets. I couldn’t see his face.

It played out like one of those dreams where you’re cornered and scrambling and trying to get the words out, but you can’t. I was shaking so hard I could barely hold the glass sliding doors as I tried to force them back together. He walked at a normal pace, at ease. There was nothing aside from the clothes and skin color to say that this was the caller, but I was terrified that it was, regardless of the statistics. Looking back, I must have looked like a mess. Here I was, shaky and out of breath, struggling to push together glass doors that didn’t actually lock to stop a potential shooter who would just break them down anyways instead of running away. My voice was gone, as was all the air in my lungs. I’ve seen videos, of cops shooting suspects that were already down because of adrenaline. It gets to be too much, and they start to twitch and accidentally pull the trigger. I imagine, this is what that would feel like. We’re all human, after all.

When he pulled out his hospital badge, I thought I might actually start crying from relief.

It was over in under 10 minutes, but I was still shaky 2 and a half hours later  when they found him and I was finally sent home.

People at work said that it wasn’t real, because nothing happened. People, mostly the other guards, who were called in and showed up after the site was swarming with law enforcement. We had half the police force, it seemed like, between the off duty and the incoming shift. State troopers were combing the surrounding interstates. Military police were waiting at the caller’s residency. But there was just the two of us for those first 5 minutes. Before police were there, before we had any answers. We had to pick and choose what entrances to lock because there was no way to lock them all. We ignored entire buildings because there was too much ground to cover. If he had been sitting in his car in the parking lot when he called, it wouldn’t have mattered if the cops were called or the military police involved.

I would have been a target for the uniform I wore. Patients might have been fine. Nurses, too. Doctors maybe. The floors would have gone untouched. But the two of us would have been shot at, even if he didn’t hit either one.

Troopers found the caller overdosed in his car 3 miles from the hospital. He had a gun, but only a handful of bullets. Even if he had shown up, he was too messed up to do anything and would have quickly been taken down. They gave him Narcan, and the Military police took him away. I found out later when I was looking over the list of charges that he had also called the fire department and told them the hospital was on fire and that they needed to evacuate us. Someone said he wanted pain pills and the doctor said no because he was a junkie, but I’m not really sure why he did it. It doesn’t really matter. He was sentenced to 15 years for the civil side of things and court marshaled for conduct by the military. He will spend the better part of the next two decades in a military prison serving two consecutive sentences. 15 years and then another 5 for the military.

The hospital had forgotten by shift change. I had been held over 15 and a half hours because of the lockdown. I would have gotten off at 6 a.m. that morning. When I came in the next night, no one really talked about it. I guess that means I did my job. My debriefing was 10 minutes, and didn’t cover anything, really. The hospital locked down the truth and smoothed things over with the local paper. They didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

We were 3 miles and 5 bullets away from a Code Silver, active shooter.

But nothing happened so it wasn’t real, right?

Tags: @fanfiction-trashpile

[dreamerand-high]

vi isso aqui, quis responder

studyblr asks (feel free to add to the list)

What year are you? COLLEGE

What’s your major/what do you think you want to major in? 1ST YEAR IN PSYCHOLOGY

If applicable, what is your thesis about? WHAT

Do you think you picked the right major? ABSOLUTELY YES

Ultimate educational goals? DOCTORATE DEGREE

Career goals? CLYNICS

Do you think your goals are realistic? OF COURSE

What classes are you taking right now? I DONT WANT TO WRITE, IT WOULD TAKE SO LONG

Favorite class out of everything you’ve ever taken and why? ANTHROPOLOGY AND HISTORICAL FUNDAMENTALS

Least favorite class ever and why? ANATOMY BECAUSE ITS FUCKING BORING AND USELES

Current favorite class and why? I DONT KNOW

Current least favorite class and why? ANATOMY

Favorite STEM field? WHAT

Favorite humanities subject? ALL OF THEM

Class that you’ve always wanted to take but never had the chance? I DONT KNOW

Do you use caffeine and if so how much daily? YES

What’s your preferred method of taking in caffeine? DRINKING IT

Have you ever tried study drugs? NO, I'M NOT DUMB

Are you a homework-in-the-morning kind of person? YES, SO NICE

Do you listen to music while you study? NO, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

Crowded area or quiet place? QUITE PLACE>>>>

What’s your preferred writing implement? WHAT DO MEAN GIRL

Do you need to work out before you can study well? NO??

Describe your perfect study environment. I STUDY OFR LIKE 5 HOURS STRAIGHT, IN THE SILENCE USING MY OWN TABLE, WITH MY STATIONARY AND STUFF

Are you procrastinating right now? YES, I HAVE A TEST TODAY OF ANATOMY AND I DONT KNOW ANYTHING

What was the last thing you procrastinated? RIGHT NOW

Are you a perfectionist? NOT EVEN CLOSE

Do you like easy classes or do you feel bad if you’re not working hard? I FEEL SO BAD IF I'M NOT WORKING HARD AND FREAKING OUT

Are you a good test taker? YES

What are you the proudest of out of all the assignments you’ve ever had? MY PODCAST AND MY VIDEO ABOUT FREUD ITS JUST SO NICE

Do you talk to your teachers/professors a lot? NO BECAUSE IM ONLINE

Describe your favorite teacher/professor and why you like them. FAB. SHE'S SO PERFECT, SHE'S 41 AND SHE'S PREGNANT

Describe your least favorite teacher/professor and why you dislike them. I DONT HAVE IT

Have you ever thought about becoming a teacher/professor? YES

Most profound thing ever said to you by a teacher/professor? BITCH I DONT KNOW

Best feedback you’ve ever gotten on something academic? SORRY, BUT IT WAS A LOT, I CANT DECIDE THE BEST

Worst study habit and how are you working on it? I CANT REMEMBER

Are you an in-class fidgeter? HECK YEAH

How’s your handwriting? SO GOOD

Write “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” and post a photo. OKAY, NEXT POST

Neat or messy notes? NEAT

A lot of notes or the bare minimum? A LOT

Post a photo/scan of your notes from your favorite class. OKAY, NEXT POST

Are you a doodler? LOL YEAH

Post a photo of your doodles if you have any. I DONT THINK I HAVE IT

Do you have pre-test rituals and what are they? NO

Are you a tangent-question asker? NO

Do you make jokes in class? OMG NO

How many hours do you spend on academics per day? EIGHT HOURS I GUESS (I'M ONLINE THIS IS WHY ITS NOT TOO MUCH)

What’s something more important to you than school? MY FAMILY, MY RELATIVES, MY EATING HABITS, A LOT OF THINGS

[sadpottedplant]

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more milk

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? whatever paper is lying around

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i take tea w honey

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? actually no

6: do you keep plants? i try

7: do you name your plants? no

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? pen and pencil

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? NANA?

12: what’s your favorite planet? saturn or neptune

13: what’s something that made you smile today? being able to talk with nina on the way home from school

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? lots of windows and plants and books and bedding! also rlly high up!

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! there are more suns in our galaxy than there are grains of sand on earth

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? whole wheat angel hair with butter and parmesan

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? blue

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one time ioffered to sub for this guy i didnt relly know and i said “hashtag helpful” out loud and he as so disgusted ug

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I want to ! And I want to write about thhings i like and draw lil doodles and paint in it!

20: what’s your favorite eye color? BROWN

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. well i dont really love my bag but i had this purple backback all throughout elementary and middle school

22: are you a morning person? no

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? look up things to draw and play mindless games

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? i dont think so. i wish though

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? in 8th grade i had to break into my own house

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? maybe my old converse

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? watermelon

28: sunrise or sunset? i wish sunrise but reaistically sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? one of my friends always leans forward whenever I break when I drive my car. And another one gets really excited bout numbers and its adorable

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes one time i thought my house was getting broken into and another  time i thought i was lost int he woods

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I like socks that have cute patterns and are warm

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

33: what’s your fave pastry? brownies

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i did but that shit expensive

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean bu its always mesy

38: tell us about your pet peeves! broken nails anpying and people wo are ompetetive about everything and make you feel bad about yourself

39: what color do you wear the most? blue

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? i have a sun necklacce that my sister gave my mom from mexico that i “borrow”

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect beads

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the transcending brain meme

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? no but i want to

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? slept in the attic to rove i should have a bedroom there

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? being funny and optimistic and talkative

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? excited and yes

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? rache is the wine mom and ella is the vodka aunt

59: what’s your favorite myth?

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? i gave a set of lobster claw gloves. I received an eraser. 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i leav them be

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? ella, or shana

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

68: what’s winter like where you live? pretty at first but cold and oo slushy and gross at the end

69: what are your favorite board games?clue and rack-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?no

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? lemon

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? kin of

73: what are some of your worst habits? procrastination

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they always strive to be the best and they are quiet when you first meet them but loud and funny and competetive once they are comfortable with you

75: tell us about your pets! i have a guinea pig who is paralyzed

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? my pyschology paper

77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? taken me out to cheesecake factory for my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? cream color but i hate the color and i wish i had chose blue i am really indecisive

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

82: are/were you good in school? i am pretty good in school

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? calvin and hobbes!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

89: are you close to your parents? yes

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i love the vibe o san fransisco, everything is so pretty. i also love new ork city because there is so much going on

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? im goign to the galapagos islands in 10 days (im nervouse)

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drowns

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? ponytail

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

95: what are your plans for this weekend? draw and pack for an upcoming trip and do homework

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? it depends

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? idk, cancer, hufflepuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? past, because i have a lot of regrets and i reallly would like to fix them

[yoosungslololpartner]

Hi there, good luck w the new blog! May I request a matchup? bi female, INTJ. Pale latina, thin, glasses, multiple tattoos. Dark eyes and thick curly hair. I always look tired and angry but I clean up nice. Hobbies: gaming, reading, bullet journal, yoga (beginner), binging shows. I tend to come off as polite but distant at first. I'll either repress my emotions or make jokes theres no inbetween. Analytical by nature but I try to consider all perspectives before making decisions. (1/2x)

Helloooo there! OMG my Latina sister ^_^I’m so excited to get back into matchups… Let’s see whom you match with!

I pair you up with Jaehee! You two arepractically made for each other it’s freaky how much you two get along. Jaeheeabsolutely loves you in every shape or form. She admires your bravery ingetting not one but multiple tattoos. She had once thought about it in heryounger years but being Jaehee absolutely couldn’t decide on a design maybe zenno lol. After a long day at work, with Jumin trying to push another ridiculouscat project down her throat, she comes home to her favorite past time; Runningher fingers in the sea of your thick curly hair, de-tangling what she can andmostly just caressing its wild beauty. Your beautiful dark eyes remind her ofher favorite drink. HELLO ONE OF THE BEST CREATIONS IN DRINK HISTORY!! COFFEE!!You both absolutely love coffee to death. Instant, brewed, latté, you name ityou’ve both tried it. I mean what’s not to love it is fuel for the fast-lanelivers and who is that if not you two?

When you two walk down the street on aMonday morning on your daily commute to work you part the wave of people livethe Red sea. Your faces spell ‘IM NOT IN THE MOOD’ with a flicker of sleepdeprivation and annoyance. However that’s only on the weekdays… come weekendsyou both clean up so well the wave of people separate like before exceptthey’re getting whiplash from turning back to stare at these totally drop-deadgorgeous babes!

Thetwo of you have a hard time communicating with new people. While you are bothundeniably polite, the conversations just scream distance. It’s a wonder howthe two of you ever got so close considering the similarities in yourcommunication approach. But you two bonded over something no one else couldcompete on. ORGANISATION. Who says stationary and planning isn’t sexy? It was aregular RFA meeting the two of you had been early and were sitting having yourmundane conversation, once you pulled out your bullet journal BOOM Jaehee wassmitten! She squealed like a schoolgirl at the sight of your diligence. Shehadn’t heard of a bullet journal having always stuck to a more rigid form ofplanning. But you totally converted her this way of planning was much morecarefree and it arranged all her loose plans into a clever little format. Sothat’s where it began, you both love being in control and systematic of youruse of time, and there’s no doubt you both love to make an extra amount ofschedule time to be with each other.

Nights together are so unbelievably cozy.All Jaehee had ever been interested in watching was Zen plays and anything withZen in it. However one day she came home and found you curled up in a blanketburrito binge watching 6 hours of Stranger Things her interest was piqued.After that evening you both went to sleep…or so you had thought! When you wokeup that morning Jaehee was still sitting there enslaved by the TV on the lastepisode of season 2! You shook your head in amusement, well at least you cannow binge the next series together.

In terms of your other hobbies Jaehee isn’ttoo judgmental of your gaming as much as she is of Yoosung, at least you haveother hobbies. She appreciates your love for books in which she too sharesoccasionally whenever she can get the time. Also being once a practice of Judo shealso enjoys starting a new sport in yoga. While it isn’t as active as Judo shedefinitely could use it to improve her posture. Sitting at a desk all daydoesn’t do much for your back. Stiff as heck.

Jaehee is remarkably composed and veryaware of herself, and of you. If you ever feel anxious or on the verge of apanic attack she will immediately spot it and calm you down with reassuringwords of encouragement. She tries at all costs to prevent your self-destructivebehavior but can’t always succeed considering she is practically the same. That’swhere you two are perfect for each other if either of you falter you’re therefor each other to make life just that little bit easier and pass of a cheesyjoke to make a smile. She respects your loyalty and consideration something shehad never experienced before. Your arrogance, cynical behavior or questionable humordoes not phase her one bit. After all her boss is the weirdest, arrogant andcynical person in the world. Compared to him you are an angel. Plus she lovesyou so much she would never hold anything you say on a bad day against youbecause she understands.

[shutupandblog]

cute tags

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? // more milk! 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? // YES OMG YES. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? // forks, notes, socks....anything I find in that moment... 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? // tea: just with water. coffee: flavoured creamer.... 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? // YEAH. 6: do you keep plants? // my mom forces her plants onto me so I have unexpected children to take care of. 7: do you name your plants? // no, I'll feel bad if I forget their names. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? // songwriting 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? // sing out loud, man. but yeah. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? // fall asleep on back easiest but wake up on my side. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? // innovation at its finest, man. 12: what's your favorite planet? // saturn 13: what's something that made you smile today? // finding some of my old songs and realizing that they're not ALL lost. I was a genius in 2014 and backed it up on usb wow 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? // open concept omf hit me with the natural light and big windows. no walls. big kitchen. no curtains. piano. hardwood. pictures in frames. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! // "The Apollo astronauts' footprints on the moon will probably stay there for at least 100 million years." Source: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0ahUKEwji75-ZwYXXAhWqxFQKHSroDssQFggxMAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2F2014%2F03%2F05%2Fsun-stars-space-facts%2F&usg=AOvVaw2BqM1yEL36GBccqMtEtOWs) 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? // i don't normally eat pasta so every time i see pasta i'll take anything. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? // grey and lavender. 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. // 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? // i keep a lyric dump journal! 20: what's your favorite eye color? // GREEN 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. // my navy backpack was with my throughout high school and ib and i'm still using it in uni, so it's been to hell twice. 22: are you a morning person? // hell no 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? // listen to all my cd's and find new artists...song write...listen to more music... 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? // yes 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? // lol none 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? // threw them out yo 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? // banana  28: sunrise or sunset? // sunrise 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? // my one friend has a habit of crossing her legs and tapping her foot that’s in the air when she listens / hums music and it’s sO CUTE. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? // yeah. my mom went through a rough time and I hated being awake. 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. // in general: no socks. Weird socks are cool. I usually take off my socks as soon as I walk in through the front door. If I wear songs, they’re ankle length. Can’t do anything higher than that. I hate tights, I don’t do tights. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. // i literally think we woke up at 4 to watch MAMA 2015 together. 33: what's your fave pastry? // i have no idea....bread pudding served on pie crust and ice cream? 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? // it’s gone. but it was called bonsai and it was a giant ass panda and i miss it. I had to get rid of it because we were moving and its head got ripped off. Or, ripped in half should I say. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? // I love them but I never indulge in it!!! alkjngakjdfd 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? // my mood right now? omg bts - wings. 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  // messy. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! // wet bathroom floors, getting my socks wet, sweaty in the winter, when people touch my things and don’t put them back where they are supposed to be so i can’t find it ugh, touching people’s food while doing dishes (SCRAPE YOUR PLATE @ SIBLINGS), people stepping on my shoes, looming too close to me while talking....etc.... 39: what color do you wear the most? // grey, black, pink. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? // all my jewelry is meaningless bc I bought it all myself. Ahh- I have this one pearl necklace that my grandpa and dad bought for me in china and I haven’t worn it once. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? // gallagher girls series 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! // i’m not a coffee person 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? // myself a few mornings ago when I was going to my lab and waiting at the bus stop. 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? // when i was in hawaii doing the longest hike of my life and finally reaching the “end” of the island and you could see no city. Just sea lions, turtles and water. Dark stones. Wind. It was just myself and it was quiet and it was so beautiful. I have so many videos. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? // fuck that shit, I got so many q’s wrong on tests because of it. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. // gravity sucks. 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? // onions omf 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? // the dark. and yeah. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? // I LOVE CDs. Last record I bought: paramore- after laughter (i think). 50: what's an odd thing you collect? // cineplex tickets and guitar picks. 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? // my friend S- I associate her with the song “Tokyo Jellybean” by Ingrid St-Pierre. She’s one of my favourite artists. I have never told her this. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? lol cracking a cold one with the boys bc my psych always opens a pop can in the middle of this lecture (ALL THE TIME) and i just get reminded. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only heathers bc my friend showed it to me and I really liked it! 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? // my friend Y. 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? // raised my voice? 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? // being completely absorbed in their work, drinking coffee and looking out the bus window, falling asleep in random places. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? // uhh i just use this song to check if my right headphone is working lol 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? // wine mom is T and vodka aunt is Y. I mean, if you meet them you’ll know. 59: what's your favorite myth? // im uneducated 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? // i like poetry- short poetry. 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? // I gave cough drops / i received paperclip holders 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? // i’m a morning water person 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? // YEAH I AM. Bookshelf man. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? // black 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? // no bc if I haven’t seen you in a long time, I’ve probably dropped you. 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? // baby’s breath, blue bells, daisy. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? // I LIVE FOR THOSE DAYS 68: what's winter like where you live? // either snowy heaven or mushy hell 69: what are your favorite board games? // i’m basic, so monopoly. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? / no 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? // oolong or vanilla something.... 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? // yeah i really need to 73: what are some of your worst habits? // drop my clothes all over the bedroom floor and leave them there.  74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. // a breath of fresh air 75: tell us about your pets! // i had a goldfish once but on the car ride home to my house it died. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? // STUDYING WTF AM I DOING ANSWERING A 100 QUESTION TAG 77: pink or yellow lemonade? // PINK 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? // i’m a spectator  79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? // painted me fake polaroids and stuck them in a colouring book omg 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? // tan. it’s the colour of my entire house.  81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. // didn’t pass engl man i can’t do this 82: are/were you good in school? // i WAS 83: what's some of your favorite album art? // rise against, fob, volbeat, ingrid st pierre, ts, bts. 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? // i’ve always wanted a roman numeral tattoo but i don’t do commitment. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? // i only read peanuts and archie as a kid 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? // i only listen to pink floyd ..the wall. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? // not a movie person. can’t comment. 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? // idk.... 89: are you close to your parents? // sure 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. // tokyo omg god save me 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? // the farthest i’ll get is my bed 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? // barely sprinkles a pinch 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? // up 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? // my auntie 95: what are your plans for this weekend? // this weekend is over and so is my academic career 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? // procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? // 1. don’t know, 2. scorpio, 3. ravenclaw 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? // real hike: this summer in hawaii, fake hike: w my friends downtown. I loved both times the same. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. // Exo- what if/my answer, Taylor- all too well/never grow up, Shawn: running low, Alessia: my song, Bts: sea, Pierre Luc lessard: sans combat 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? // 5 years in the future. The past 5 years have been hard.

I tag: @kabul1998, @iamnotmadamebovary

[wyrmsandrocs]

*kicks your door down* aLL THE FUCKING ASKS YA BINCH

1. selfie - cant link a photo on mobile but click this lmao 2. what would you name your future kids? - Bob. I have very little idea lmao i cant even name my characters 3. do you miss anyone? - Yeah, but everyone i miss was shit anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao4. what are you looking forward to? - tomorrow bc i can see wyna again lmao ((yes i know you asked but like just saying”when i can see you again” sounds weird in a general post)) 5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? - Wyna lmao 6. is it hard for you to get over someone? - yes 7. what was your life like last year? - pretty good but I was struggling to detach myself from toxic people 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? - y e s 9. who did you last see in person? - aside from my fam, @canipetyourdragon and @softbutchnepeta 10. are you good at hiding your feelings? - when I want to, yeah 11. are you listening to music right now? - No but I have Merano from Chess in my head god save me 12. what is something you want right now? - A MOThERFUCKING APPLE FRITTER. PLEASE. 13. how do you feel right now? - pretty good, kinda tired, kinda numb but hey thats life

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? - like two hours ago when my lil bros hugged me

 15. personality description - ((im guessing this means my personality?)) Stressed, depressed, but well dressed. Anxiety Incarnate. Allergic to chill. ambitious, traumatized, FocusedTM. I’d like to say im funny but who knows. wyna am i funny? most likely annoying. 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? - y e s 17. opinion on insecurities. - a normal part of being human 18. do you miss how thing were a year ago? - n o p e im really really happy with how things are now, and I don’t truly miss the way things were

19. have you ever been to New York? - nope20. what is your favourite song at the moment? - Vincent (Starry Night) by Josh Groban. its so beautiful and im sobbing. 21. age and birthday? - ummm i dunno i stopped counting a few ceturies back. it’s been a while and no one remembers it any way so *shrug*22. description of crush. - Smart, funny, kind, a complete dork. Her hair is always rlly curly and it’s adorable but she usually keeps it back in a ponytail or smthn. a ridiculous hufflepuff nerd and a rlly Cool Person. ((disclaimer: platonic crushes only))23. fear(s) - Being abandoned, myself, getting into another bad relationship, spiders, and taxidermy. 24. height - im like almost 6 feet tall25. role model - uhhh idrk if i have a role model. Nina Zenik lmao 26. idol(s) - Leigh Bardugo27. things i hate - Spiders, idiots, assholes 28. i’ll love you if… - you send me asks or buy me cute stationary. 29. favourite film(s) - Fight Club, the animated Anastasia movie30. favourite tv show(s) - Voltron, Stranger Things, and Turn 31. 3 random facts - Polar bear fur is actually clear, the things on giraffes heads are called osocones, and the same opening literary device was used in The Odyssey, Romeo and Juliet, Sweeny Todd, and Hamilton. 32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? - No. most of my friends are nb 33. something you want to learn - To play the piano, to cope better. 34. most embarrassing moment - okay kiddos buckle up it’s story time. once when I was like 9 and on Quotev I saw this comment thread that said “lyric chain.” I thought this meant people were making up lyrics, so i scrolled to the end and continued “She’ll fade out tonight, straight down the line” with “straight down that liiiiiiiiine,” extra vowels and all. It was only years later that a song played on the radio and i did a spit take. this was the song that I had added to years ago. I asked my mother what it was. It was the a team by Ed Sheeran. I have now died of embarrassment 35. favourite subject - history 36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? - Publishing a book, being fluent in at least two languages, publishing a book of poetry37. favourite actor/actress - okay ngl first thought was jeremy jordan bc im musical theatre trash 38. favourite comedian(s) - umm im not really sure 39. favourite sport(s) - no 40. favourite memory - going to the leigh bardugo book signing in august with @canipetyourdragon @snicksnackknickknack and @a-digital-ace 41. relationship status - very very single lmfao 42. favourite book(s) - anything by Leigh Bardugo, specifically Six of Crows 43. favourite song ever - oh man idk maybe Believer by Imagine Dragons or anything off of Melodrama by Lorde 44. age you get mistaken for - like early 20s 45. how you found out about your idol - my gramma gave me a book she wrote 46. what my last text message says - And in crying bc this isn’t my freddy I love Freddy he’s a brilliant clever puppet master asshole 47. turn ons - um ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 48. turn offs - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯49. where i want to be right now - with wyna 50. favourite picture of your idol - ooh there was a rlly great selfie she posted a while ago on insta51. starsign - taurus sun libra moon 52. something i’m talented at - poetry 53. 5 things that make me happy - wyna, books, writing, music, chocolate 54. something thats worrying me at the moment - the future 55. tumblr friends - @sunshinesorbet we dont talk that much but ur great n ily friend 56. favourite food(s) - spaghetti, waffles, cake, and stroganof ((idk how to spell that)) 57. favourite animal(s) - cats, owls, doves, deer58. description of my best friend - amazing and great and kind and funny and wonderful. 100% a dork and i love her a lot 59. why i joined tumblr - bc of someone I dont talk to anymore lmfao.

ty so much for asking ily forever now!

[taenthusiast5-blog]

DNA

Yoongi x Reader Word count: 6224 “No you can't stop DNA.”  

"STOP IT! LET HER GO!" six year old Yoongi screamed seeing his monster of a father hold his delicate mother against a wall by her throat.

"Yoongi sweety its ok. Moms fine. Go back to bed." His mother choked out while his father watched him with black eyes.

"No mama. N-not again." He stuttered out, terrified by the man he couldn't recognize.

"Its ok baby. I'll be in soon to tuck you back in. Please baby." His mother pleaded to her little boy, praying his fathers wrath didn't turn on the boy.

"Listen to your mother brat." His father spat out causing Yoongi to visibly flinch. He glanced to his mother and she nodded. So, ducking his head from his fathers scrutinizing watch, he trotted off to bed.

Two hours passed, filled with his fathers slurred words, his mothers screams, glass shatters, and finally sirens ending it all. Yoongi's room was filled with red and blue lights, the sirens dying out once they reached his home. New shouts filled the air, but these were shouts of commands, from voices Yoongi couldn't recognize.

Soon his mother came to his room, like she promised, but her lip was bleeding and he could see hand prints forming on her cheek and neck. Her arms imprinted with the fingerprints left from his father.

"Are you ok mommy?" He asked watching her carefully as his tiny hand came up to caress her bruised cheek.

"Yes. Moms fine baby. Time to go to sleep." She whispered and kissed his forehead. He laid down and let her tuck him in. With another kiss to his forehead she left him, the house dark and silent. For the first time in years, Yoongi fell asleep to the sound of silence, instead of the sound of his mothers tears.

10 years later

Yoongi stumbled in to the small home he and his mother shared, slamming the door and turning on all the lights, not noticing his mother sleeping on the couch in his druken state.

Waking up his mother saw him stumbling and failing to get to his room. Standing she crossed to her inebriated son and wrapped her arms around him helping him to his room, like she had done with his father so many years ago.

"Im fine. I don't need your help Mom." He growled, yet leaned most his weight on her.

"Of course you are. Im just walking with you to your room." She cooed, coaxing his anger to subside.

"You always think you're right! Im fine let go of me!" He said pushing her arms from him and let her stumble into the wall.

"God be carful. You'll break something." He said stumbling the rest of his way into his room. He slammed his door and the hinges shook, cringing with months of misuse. His mother slid her back down the wall parallel to his door, letting her frustration and sorrow out in silent tears. Her beautiful, sweet little boy had transformed into a younger yet worse version of his father. His anger had grown over time due to the abandonment he felt from his father, and encouraged by his troubled young friends. Once being his source of light, she had now become the target for his rage.

Yoongi himself had been noticing his monstrous actions for the evil they were. Through he acknowledged how he was acting it only pushed him down his dark path. He went out every weekend, drank, smoked, and fought, as much, if not more than his father did, but he couldn't stop. He liked the thrill of fighting and the calm of the drinks he consumed, but something screamed at him to quit his actions before he got in trouble.

Two years later

"Hello Ms. Min. Yoongi is here again."

"Fighting or Drunk driving?" The exhausted woman asked the officer calling her home once again.

"Drunk fighting." Officer Kim said sounding as exhausted as Yoongi's worn mother. "Why do you keep bailing him out? Why not leave him in jail?" Her long time friend asked, finally fed up with the woman letting not only her husband but her son hurt her.

"He could change."

"You said that with him. You can't change Yoongi without giving him a reason to change."

"Not tonight." His mother sighed, not ready to let her baby stay behind bars. She wanted to agree with her friend and just leave Yoongi to fend for himself, but the fear of his anger held her back.

"Alright. It's the usual price. See you soon."

Yoongi watched from the holding cell as his mothers friend hung up the phone and glared at him. She watched him just as he had watched his father, and he glared back with his fathers eyes.

"I hope for her sake you find something to change for." Officer Kim said and walked down the hall and out the holding doors to the front office. He scuffed watching her leave, then his cold eyes roamed over the two other men inside the cell with him.

One was the poor kid he had demolished in his fight. He was smaller than Yoongi and weaker, both mentally, and physically. The brat wouldn't even look at Yoongi now. But the other he couldn't see. They were small in every way with their hood up over their face blocking anyway for someone to see their face. Yoongi couldn't tell whether it was a girl or a scrawny teenage boy. He watched them for a while, trying to see if they would move, but they were as stationary as a statue. After some time a buzzer went off and a girl Yoongi somewhat recognized came towards the cell he sat in, followed by a young and innocent looking boy and someone he recognized all too well.

"Y/F/N, you're out." An officer announced causing the mysterious person in the back to look up. Sure enough it was another girl he recognized which surprised him.

"You go to my school." Yoongi announced as the girl stood. She turned to glare at him and he smirked. "Funny you noticed. You never show up." She snapped back but didn't move from where she stood in front of the bench she was once resting on.

"Cute. Didn't know you noticed me that much Y/F/N."

"She doesn't." Taehyung said through a clenched jaw. Obviously he was either dating the girl or he liked her, which Yoongi decided to take advantage of. But before he could speak again, the other girl stepped in. "Tae we don't have time for this. We have to get her back before Jin wakes up."

"Oh so you're Jin's little sister. I thought you looked familiar." Yoongi interjected noticing how the tension increased within the group.

"Uh ya. I am." Y/F/N said shoving her fists into the pockets of her jacket.

"Well you wouldn't want your brother to worry about you. You should go." Yoongi said, his smile like the Cheshire Cat's. With that the group looked at each other wondering what was up his sleeve.

"Y/N can you get the guard to open the door? I wanna leave." Y/F/N said and the other girl, Y/N, nodded heading over to the officer keeping out of the conversation going on.

"Listen Yoongi. Stay away from us." Taehyung said staring daggers at him, but Yoongi only smirked. The officer walked to the door of the cell and opened it, allowing Y/F/N to walk out and go straight under Taehyung's arm. The group walked away in silence making Yoongi smile a sickening smile.

"Have a goodnight Taehyung." He called out to the fleeing group. They stopped and he could see every muscle in Taehyung bulge in furry. Y/F/N faced him and made him look at her while she whispered to him. The innocent looking boy looked quickly between Taehyung and Yoongi but his eyes were anything but innocent. The boys eyes were a storm of rage and confusion. His fists were clenched by his sides and it seemed that that was the only thing keeping the boy from acting. Y/N on the other hand looked completely calm, but her head was tilted a bit to the side showing her confusion. The air was sucked from his lungs when he saw that she wasn't glaring at him, her eyes weren't filled with disgust like everyone else when they looked at him, or the lust that usually filled women eyes when they saw him. Her eyes were clear and unwavering from his as she watched him. He starred back at her the scene he started melting away from his mind as he watched her.

Yoongi didn't understand the interest that was growing within him as he watched Y/N. He could tell that she wasn't a goody two shoes, but she also wasn't some extreme trouble maker. She seemed to be associated with people who got themselves into trouble, like her friend, or with people who used to make as much trouble as Yoongi did now, Taehyung. He didn't understand where she fit into the group but he would find out eventually.

"Y/N. Lets go." Taehyung said causing the staring match to end abruptly as she tore her eyes from his. She simply nodded and gave Yoongi one last look before turning and leaving with the other three. Yoongi stared after her to see if she would look back again, but she didn't. What he did see as they left was his tired mother walk into the door they just walked out of and stare at him with empty eyes.

"Lets go sweetie." Her voice was like a whisper to him yet he winced. He could see the bags under her haunting eyes and the dull grey color that seemed to wash out her once tan and glowing skin. He knew deep down he was the one to blame for her fading life, but he couldn't escape his DNA. At least thats what he told himself.

You walked with Jungkook, Y/F/N, and Taehyung back to his car, your mind on the boy behind the bars. You knew he and Taehyung had history but you could have never guessed that it would have been this bad.

"Can you believe him! He has some fucking nerve." Taehyung grumbled to Y/F/N as they walked in front of Jungkook and you.

"I know Tae. But look at it this way, you moved on from that life, he hasn't. He will end up sitting in a jail cell, rotting away, while you are out in the world making something of yourself. I mean look at you now. You have come so far Tae. Don't worry about some guy like him." Y/F/N said comforting her seething boyfriend.

You couldn't help but scuff to yourself listening to her, which alarmed you. On any normal day you would have agreed with her. Yoongi was just some guy who was nothing but trouble, and sure you and your friends weren't the best kids around but you were sure better than him. Thats what you had always thought until you actually looked at the boy. At first you wanted to tell yourself those bars would always be between Yoongi and the outside world, but another part of you screamed louder that he was hurting, that something must have happened to make him this way.

No Y/N. He's exactly what Y/F/N says he is.

But is he?

You pinched yourself to bring yourself out of your thoughts.

"He's really mad isn't he." Jungkook whispered to you causing you too nod. Jungkook was your best friend since you guys were babies. Both your families worked for them same business so naturally they all knew each other and were long time friends. They weren't anything special to the company which is why you and Jungkook lived in the rundown side of town. Y/F/N and her dad moved to your city when her dad got transferred to your parents building. Naturally moving onto your block, Y/F/N was lonely. All her friends where back in her home town and she had no one. She spent a lot of nights alone drinking outside her house since her both her dad and her brother worked all the time. You and Jungkook would watch her from your window during the first week she was there. She would disappear a lot with a black backpack and didn't come back till early in the morning which only made her more interesting. One night as she climbed out of her window you and Jungkook intercepted her, causing her to scream but it was stopped by Jungkook crashing his hand on top of her mouth only sending her into a frenzy. After explaining to her that you weren't going to hurt her and you just wanted to hang out she instantly calmed down. Since that night the three of you were inseparable.

"I haven't seen him this mad since the day we met him." You whispered, remembering the Taehyung you had met the night Y/F/N, Jungkook, and yourself were walking home at midnight after a spray paint adventure you all took.

The three of you rounded the corner onto your street and found the infamous Kim Taehyung fuming and sitting right in the middle of Y/F/N driveway. Walking up to him slowly he didnt notice your little group until you cleared your thought and spooked him.

"What the hell. Why are you three out here right now?" He asked but not really interested as he went back to sulking in his anger.

"Do you know what neighborhood this is? You're lucky we found you and not some cop." Y/F/N said staring Taehyung down. He didn't look at any of you he just stared straight ahead and continued to radiate anger.

The three of you didn't know what to do. Y/F/N had to go home but the two of you wouldn't leave her here with Kim Taehyung outside her house.

"Are you juts going to sit outside her house all night waiting to get your ass kicked or something Kim Taehyung?" Jungkook asked which caused Taehyung to glare at him.

"What is she your girlfriend or something? Didn't know it was her house anyway." He grunted but didn't move.

"I'm just his friend. Why are you here anyway. Aren't you a little far from your mustang and fancy house." Y/F/N bit out.

'She really has thing for living on the edge.' You thought to yourself watching him turn his gaze to her. He studied her for a minute his face softening for a minuet then went back to stone turning from her.

"Why would you care what I'm doing here anyway." He said but his voice was calmer with her. She cocked her head to the side. Next thing you knew she was sitting in front of Taehyung looking into his eyes.

'Yup. She's gonna get herself killed.' You thought again.

"It's my house. Now since your on my property, my dad isn't home, my brother is asleep, I'm not tired from the run we just had, and these guys won't leave till you do, spill it." She said. Taehyungs eyes grew wider with each declaration from her and she smiled.

"So big bad Kim Taehyung gets flustered around girls. Noted." She smirked at him and he scoffed at her.

"Please, you won't know flustered until I get you alone." He said smirking right back at her.

"Watch it Kim." This time your surprised yourself when you bit at him. He looked at you a little confused but shrugged and turned back to your friend. Jungkook took a seat next to her and you sat on her other side.

"You guys wouldn't understand." He said genuinely, looking hurt by his own words.

"Try us. You might be surprised." Jungkook said, showing Taehyung that he had a chance and there wasn't judgment going on right now.

"Well you probably know Min Yoongi if you know me so I'll come right out with it. He's my best friend. We grew up together and every time his dad got hauled in he came to my place. It was me and him against the world.

"Naturally we both got into partying and drinking and fighting and all that but Yoongi always went crazier than I did. He didn't give a shit about anything anymore so why not just black out and forget it all. But he never saw how bad he had gotten. Sure fighting guys was fine but as soon as he put his hands on a girl I drew the line." Taehyungs voice cut off in anger, but it wasn't just anger. We could see the tears forming in his eyes as his frustration and sadness seeped out. Almost like she read his mind Y/F/N moved next to him and gently laid her hand on top of his but didn't say a word. He looked up and her and she just watched him, silently willing him to say everything.

"I told him that he was going to turn out just like his dad. I regretted what I said but I had to get him away from that poor girl. She didn't know he would be like that. He flipped out on me and we got into a fight. He landed a few good punches but he was so drunk it didn't really do anything, till his dumbass decided to break a bottle and start going crazy."

You gasped and searched Taehyung for any cuts, noticing Y/F/N do the same until her eyes landed on something and widened.

"Taehyung you're bleeding." She said and pulled on his hand to get him to stand. He grunted in pain but did what she wanted. You and Jungkook followed going straight into the bathroom. Y/F/N had sat Taehyung on the toilet and she sat on the rim of the bathroom waiting on you to take over.

You eyes traveled to the dark blood stain on his white shirt. You lifted the area and looked at his wound. It didn't need stitches but it was bleeding a fair amount. Jungkook had pulled the first aid box they stashed in her cupboard and started pulling out cttenballs and disinfectant.

"Y/F/N where is all the wrapping?" Jungkook asked sifting through the box.

"Shit. I forgot we're out, we used it all up on your hand when you put it though glass." She said and bit her lip.

"Give me your tank top." You deadpanned and wet a cloth to clean off his wound.

"What?" She asked in disbelief.

"You heard me. Take it off. You have enough black tank tops." You said returning to Taehyung, earning a grumble from Y/F/N. She slipped out of her jacket and then took off her tank top.

"You better be damb grateful." She bit at Taehyung and slipped back into her jacket but didn't bother to zip it up seeing as she had on a sports bra.

"How could I not be." Taehyung said, pain seeping into his words.

And thats how your friendship started. Knowing the story between the two boys didn't make it easy to truly understand the bond they had and why Taehyung was so mad that night. You felt that he held back with you and Jungkook but had told Y/F/N about it, but that was his story to tell. All you knew was that Yoongi affected him, and not in a good way.

"Y/N, are you ok? You look sick love." Y/F/N said as she watched you from the front seat of Taehyung's mustang.

"Ya I'm good. Just thinking." You said, you could tell she wanted to ask more but she held back knowing that there was already too much tension in the car from Taehyung. The ride was silent and the tension didn't let up as Taehyung dropped Junkook and you off in front of your houses. He parked his car in Y/F/N driveway and shut off his car.

"Lets give them some space Y/N." Jungkook said and pushed you towards your front door. You nodded and we went your separate ways. Your mind traveled from worrying about your best friend too thinking about the guy making him act this way.

'This is going to be a long night.' You said to yourself and got ready for bed.

"God I hate this place." He muttered and killed the engine. He got a nod from the other three of you and a slam of each door. You all walked to your lockers and stashed your bags inside of them taking the books you needed for the class you were about to walk into.

"Kookie what class do we have right now?" You asked trying to remember if it was math or history today.

"History today Y/N." He said, the others waiting on you.

"At east we are all together." Y/F/N said smiling at you while leaning her back against her locker with Taehyung leaning his side against the one next to her. You noticed his rigid stance as soon as she did and you all followed his cold glare to the end of the hallway.

Min Yoongi was standing there watching you. His eyes bore into yours locking you in place. Your mouth went dry but you couldn't look anywhere but him.

"Y/N lets go." Taehyung said and grabbed your arm pulling you along with the others but your stare stayed on Yoongi. He watched as Taehyung pulled you away then huffed and strolled in the opposite direction.

Three weeks passed before you saw Yoongi again, but it definitely wasn't a happy reunion. You and your three friends were walking along abandoned train tracks going to a freight compartment that you had renovated into a hang out space. Jungkook had a backpack full of food and drinks, Taehyung had different CDs to listen to and Y/F/N had her paint. You never expected to see someone in your space so as you pulled open the sliding door to the freight you almost screamed as your eyes landed on Yoongi sprawled out on your couch.

Standing stalk still his eyes landed on your stone form and he smirked.

"Not expecting me princess?" As soon as the words flowed from his mouth Taehyung jumped into the freight almost growling in anger. Yoongi's smirk only spread into a full blown smile. "Hey Taehyung. What are you doing here." Yoongi said sitting up on the couch.

Taehyung balled the front of Young's shirt as he pulled him to a standing position. "What the hell are you doing here?" Taehyung snarled at Yoongi, yet it didn't faze the boy.

"I came across this cozy little place and decided to take a load off. I should have know the artwork in here belong to none other than you little delinquent girlfriend." Yoongi said turning to smirk at your friend, only making Taehyung more angry. He threw Yoongi up against the wall of the freight causing the boy to smack his head against the metal.

"She isn't the delinquent. You are Min Yoongi."

"Are you sure about that? Cause I seem to remember that she was holed up in a holding cell with me a few weeks back. You remember that don't you, Y/F/N." Yoongi called out the last part and shamelessly checked out the girl once he found her, obviously just trying to egg Taehyung on.

Tae got ready to slam Yoongi back into the wall when Y/F/N hands landed on his chest.

"Please don't Tae. Just let him go. Please Tae. Not now, not today." She begged her eyes searching her boyfriends. Normally, you knew that this tactic world work but with what Yoongi had done and his smirk still plastered onto his face Tae just pushed Y/F/N back and continued to slam Yoongi into the metal wall.

"Tae stop!" Y/F/N yelled as Tae punched the unsuspecting boy in the face. Thats when a full on fight broke out between the two. They punched, kicked, shoved, and slammed one another into walls. You three let it go on until a glass bottle was shattered and you saw blood on one of the shards.

"STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" You heard yourself yelling before you registered anything. Yoongi and Taehyung were both breathing hard and standing opposite one another. "What caused you two to be like this?! You used to be friends! This is so immature. Why not just work it out so you don't inflict anymore pain on one another." You said walking towards the boys. Jungkook and Y/F/N watched you as you inched towards the two boys.

"Cant you forgive one another?" You asked finally close enough to see Yoongi had a cut on his porcelain skin. The two stared at each other not really knowing what to do, they obviously couldn't see how they could ever move past the horrible thing that must have happened. Finally Taehyung held out his bleeding hand to Yoongi with a lopsided smile.

"She's right Yoongi. This has gone on for too long." You weren't surprised that Tae was the one to reach out first, he had always been a forgiving and loyal person. But you knew nothing about Yoongi, so you watched in anticipation to see if he would shake Tae's had or smack it away and storm out on his old friend.

Feeling your eyes on him Yoongi looked up and directly into your eyes. He had no clue what to do. He knew that all the years he had spent with Taehyung were too special to lose, but how would he ever be accepted by you or your friends. He wasn't like you, he was so much worse.

Before you all had found him he had looked around the compartment and had seen all the writing and painting you had done. It wasn't like your friends art, it was pure but tainted in the same way. It was both light and dark, while your friends art was either light or dark. Your quotes where everywhere and it made him feel lost yet found all at the same time. He wanted to understand you and see you the way he knew your friends could, but he was scared that his DNA would get in the way again.

But as Yoongi looked into your eyes all he saw was clear anticipation. Wether it was because he always kept people on their toes or because she wanted to know him the way he desperately wanted to know you, he didn't care. He watched you for some kind of answer and when he saw your eyes travel to Tae's hand he knew he would accept his outstretched hand in friendship.

With a sigh that lifted some of the weight from his chest he gripped Taehyungs hand and smiled back at him. "Way too long." He uttered looking to Taehyung. He saw all the malice Taehyung had for him wash from his eyes and they were filled with the childlike excitement Taehyung's soul pushed out.

The two boys smiled at one another and pulled each other in for a hug, and not a dumb bro hug but an actual forgiving and loving hug. Once they let go Y/F/N walked up to Taehyung's side and smiled at Yoongi. "Welcome to the family Yoongi." She said and he smiled at her. "Now, Y/N can clean up your cut. Tae and I are gonna step out. Kookie, coming?" She turned and pinned Jungkook with her, 'You're coming wether you like it or not.' look so Jungkook simply nodded and hopped out of the freight with the couple. Yoongi sat on the couch and you pulled out a small first aid kit. It was silent for a while, you worked on bandaging the cut and Yoongi just watched you. You worked up the courage to look at him and when you did his breath caught just like it did when you looked at him the night you picked up Y/F/N from the station.

"Are you and Taehyung really done fighting?" You asked not wanting to ask if he really was going to stick around.

"Taehyung was my best friend. You seemed to change him for the better, so yes, I'm done." He said somehow seeming to pick up on the unsaid question.

"Good." You stated simply and he smiled. You could tell that you were one of the very few who looked past his reputation to see him, and at that moment you were glad you didn't listen to your friends.

Yoongi hadn't gone to a party in almost two months, but like he knew, old habits died hard.

He had stumbled upon the party when he was going home from work one night. Jin and Y/F/N had offered to take him home but he had refused, he knew now he should have accepted. Walking in he was hit with memories of his experiences and it almost made him turn around and leave, almost.

He picked up a red cup filled with some kind of alcohol and downed it instantly, feeling the burn in his throat, igniting the need for more, to feel that burn again. He picked up another cup, then another and another until his mind was foggy and he felt the blissful looseness he used to feel. Girls flung their drunken selves at him but he didn't bother with them, he had an overwhelming urge to punch something. His sober thoughts told him to call you or Taehyung and get him out of there but his drunk thoughts screamed that he was going to have fun and let lose. He hadn't noticed the people taking pictures of him and spreading them telling people he had returned to the party scene and they should probably stay away if they didn't want to get killed.

Your phone lit up with a text from Y/F/N in all caps.

'GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE YOONGI IS DRUNK AT SOME PARTY AND WE HAVE TO FIND HIM BEFORE HE GETS IN TROUBLE. IF YOU ARENT OUTSIDE IN 2 IM COMING IN THROUGH YOUR WINDOW AND DRAGGING YOU INTO THE CAR.-Y/F/N'

You didn't even reply, you couldn't. The only thing you could think about was all the things that could be happening and that pulled you out of the door without changing. Taehyungs car was running and waiting in the middle of the street ready to go when you jumped into the backseat and pants were shoved into your hands. You changed into the pants and the tension was so thick you felt it almost choke you.

"You girls might not want to come inside." Taehyung said when he pulled down the street the party was on.

"She might be able to help." Y/F/N said, receiving a nod in response from Taehyung. He pulled into a vacant space next to the curb and shut off his car. Jungkook walked into the party first followed by yourself and Y/F/N and Taehyung brought up the rear. Music blared and people grinded up against each other or danced erotically so that someone would come and dance with them. Almost everyone was as some point of intoxication, and the ones that weren't just pointed to where they knew you wanted to go. Walking deeper into the party his mint green hair finally made its appearance. Some tiny girl was trying to push herself onto him but he looked uninterested and just moved away from her but reached for another cup.

"Pretty please dance with me Yoongi? We used to dance all the time. Please Yoongi!" She whined in a squeaky mouse like voice that made you cringe.

"He doesn't want to dance with you." You said coming forward to the front of the group. Yoongi's lazy eyes sharped at the sound of your voice but his frown only deepened at the sight of you.

"How did you guys find me?" He asked with genuine confusion, but his question wasn't answered when the girl placed her hand on his chest and coldly bit at you. "How would you know kiss up? We have done much more than dance. Do you really think he would ditch me for you four? Please." She said brushing you off like you where the dust covering her shoes.

"I don't think. I know." You bit back, her stupid voice only annoying the shit out of you.

"You don't know anything bitch." She squeaked getting into your face.

"Wow how original. Ask Yoongi who he wants to go with. It'll be us thats for damn sure." You said calmly but burning with the need to shove her.

"Shut up prude! He would never like someone like you!" She said and pushed your shoulder lightly. Y/F/N stiffened but the fire in her eyes told you that she was close to lunging at this random girl.

"Ya but he isn't interested in a slut like you either so I guess we are on the same page aren't we." You said smiling sweetly. Her hand lifted to swing at you but was caught in Yoongi's grip.

"If you even think about touching her you'll wish you never came to this party and insulted my girl that way." He growled at her and tossed her wrist aside like it was a piece of useless trash.

"She's nothing compared to me Yoog! She'll never give you what you want!" The girl yelled pouting like a child.

"You didn't either." He stated and turned to walk out. You saw him stay close to Taehyung and saw Taehyung steady his friend multiple times ushering him towards the door. You and Y/F/N made it half way out of the party before you both felt arms being wrapped around you and yourselves being forcefully turned. You could smell the alcohol pouring of their tongues and it made you want to hurl.

"Why don't you two stay a little while. Im sure Yoongi and Taehyung won't mind sharing." One slurred tightening his grasp on you when you tried to get away from his body. Your eyes widened and you saw your friend stiffen again, but this time she was terrified. Her already pale skin turned bright white, as if all her blood had just stopped pulsing through her body.

"You should really let go of them."

A shiver went through you as you heard Yoongi's growl from behind. You turned and saw both he and Taehyung were in a attack position. Yoongi's fists were balled at his sides and the menacing glow in his eyes was all but friendly. His gaze was fixed on the male who had you trapped in his hold, but the man didn't seem fazed. He brushed his sweaty hand over your hair and you shivered again, only agitating Yoongi more.

"We just wanna play guys. You've never been offended before. Whats so different now? Have you both gone soft?" The man holding Y/F/N asked caressing her cheek, causing her to close her eyes in pure fear. That was the drawing point for Taehyung. He lunged at the guy knocking Y/F/N out of his arms and dragging him to the ground. Yoongi took the distraction to get you safely out of the other guys arms and then knocking him to the ground. You watched as Yoongi had the intoxicated male pinned to the ground, repeatedly landing blow after blow to the mans face and body. Yoongi kept up until the mans face flowed blood and Yoongi heaved for breath. He slowly stood and reached out for you, needing to feel that you were safe again. You didn't hesitate so you tucked yourself into his arms, feeling like you were being sheltered from the world. You could still hear Taehyungs breathing and his rapid punches.

"Tae stop. She's ok man. We gotta go." Yoongi said facing the two of you towards his friend but didn't let go of you. But Taehyung didnt stop until he heard Y/F/N whimper. He stopped abruptly and turned to her. Tears were streaming down her face and the look of terror hadn't faded from her eyes. He stood and took her into his arms immediately.

"You're right, we have to go. Now." Taehyung said and Yoongi nodded. They scooped the two of you into their arms and rushed to your car. Jungkook hopped into the front and the four of you got into the back. You and your friend sat in the boys laps each being comforted.

"Im sorry you had to see all of that." Yoongi whispered to you pulling you tightly against him, afraid to let you go too far. You nuzzled your face into his neck and breathed him in. You could smell the alcohol tainting his scent but you pushed past it and finally found the comforting smell that Yoongi always had. He smelt fresh and minty, while also having a metallic smell under all of it. His unique sent comforted you and made you feel safe.

"Its ok. Just hold me." You whispered back, holding him as tightly as he held you.

"I can't escape my DNA. I can't be perfect or changed like Taehyung." Yoongi whispered to you warning you of what was too come if you chose to stick with him.

"I don't want you to change. I want you Yoongi." You said and that was that. DNA or not Yoongi was yours and you where his.

[itswhay]

you are going to hate me but... 1-100 :>

lmAo okay... 

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

Cereal 

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

yes actually 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

shoe laces and ripped paper 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

sweet as fuck 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

I never smile w my teeth so I guess 

6: do you keep plants?

I gave a lil succ named John Stamos 

7: do you name your plants?

^^^^^

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Photography ? I guess I also write on a p blog everyday 

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

yeah ig

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

side 

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

you wouldn’t get it 

12: what's your favorite planet?

Saturn 

13: what's something that made you smile today?

This girl said my outfit was cute 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

cozy 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

All of space is completely silent 

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

probs anything w cheese and tomatoes and ground beef 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

I dont lmao #beentheredonethatoverit

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

Nothing im perfect lmaooooooooo 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

yeeeeeee and none ya fckn biz... but like for real I write about my day in detail and how im currently feeling about people bc I forget things really easily and I want to remember my life ????? 

20: what's your favorite eye color?

i don have one all y’alls eyes are beaut

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I have like this embroidery elephant bag that got at a festival when I first moved to colorado 

22: are you a morning person?

lmao no 

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

I like to sit on the back porch on the couch and drink coffee and nap 

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

yes @ daron 

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

my own house damnnn gurrlll willldddd

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

currently pink hightop converses but the shoes I had for the longest time was a pair of purple low tops 

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

PoLaR iCe 

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise 

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

lmao ummmmm Nicole holds your hand when you sit near her 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

lmao yea 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

I nEVer sleep in socks. But like socks are sick, never only wear white socks 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

lots of things that if im being honest i dont feel like reminiscing about rn bc im tired  

33: what's your fave pastry?

muffins 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

I had this GiaNT mouse I mean lik e it was huge 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I love... I write letters and postcards to people 

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

Probs Elvis like always 

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

I like it clean but usually it messy

38: tell us about your pet peeves?

People hiding things, acting like a different person than who they are, being a bad friend bc you want to seem cool to someone else 

39: what color do you wear the most?

Pink and Black prob

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

yeah boi The longest amethyst pendant I wear my grandma gave me, the shorter one my mom gave me. I used to have this moon necklace I would wear literally everyday and was very important to me but I lost it at a show and Im still sad about it  

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

Joel Grey’s book 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

Mutiny !!! its really sick and there mochas are so good and they have good heckin shows (also im obvi a starbucks bitch so...) 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

myself bitch I tell the moon to protect my loved ones every nite 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

On the beach in Savannah like pls take me back  

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

100%

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back. -I think it would be truly alarming. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Ketchup 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Needles and yea 

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

Cds uhhhh last was probs placebo 

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

Musiclas on VHS 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

person not named -- song: hold on to me placebo 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

the blinky guy

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

lmao yea they good 

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

I heard it in there voice too and it was last week and It hurts to see someone so sad 

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

well i can say that I did not join the frisbee team to prove a point 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

lmao being nice and happy at least some of the time passionate about things and seeks to be happy and fulfilled 

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

yeah but also that song makes me sad 

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

Im both fuck me up 

59: what's your favorite myth?

my love life *that weird drum sound thng when some1 makes a joke* 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

yeah 

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

to tired to answer this 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

orange 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

leave em be 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

dark 

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

yeah I was supposed to see zack but then it fell through so that should happen soon 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

d a i s i e s 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

I like it 

68: what's winter like where you live?

bad gross cold snow 

69: what are your favorite board games?

clue 

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

nah son dont fuck w that shit 

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

rasberry 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

yea 

73: what are some of your worst habits?

got lots of them 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

They are small short fuckn nerd but 

75: tell us about your pets!

I l o v e them 

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

sleeping > 

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I hate those yeloow bitches 

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

ew

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theres like this giant mountain mural... mountians... just mean,,,, so... much to me, lmao no we rent  

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

pine tree w golden light shining through 

82: are/were you good in school?

this semester im doing pretty good 

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

lmao idfk 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

yea a tcb in new mexico 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

yea wonder women ones like the old ones 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

?????

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Boy meets girl (my heart ) and girl happy 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

im s o tired im sorru 

89: are you close to your parents?

yea 

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Savannah 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

lots of places actually 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

drowns 

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

short and out of the way 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

Carla

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

work and I have a thing on sunday 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i ignore them 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

idr aquarius im slytherin  

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

yes i did 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

nooooooo 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

neither thats a horrible question live life in the present and understand that each day is different and you should just enjoy what you can of them :)))

you right i do kinda hate u but its ok