#and they're like 'HOLY SHIT OKAY WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO THIS WITH'

[i3utterflyeffect]

anyway i want to ask y'all: just how many things do you think stick!noogai and n!gold strap drawn rockets to before noogai gets himself hurt with his shenanigans. there's no way they only did it to the bike.

[gr4cier4cie]

♡ bet you wanna love me now ♡

or: he's is a seven-time world champion, revered by all, loved by most. the only person he can't win over? his goddamned wife. fem!engineer!reader x lewis hamilton (arranged/political marriage au) pt 2, pt 3

warnings: none really just sexual innuendo (LOTS), the enemies part of enemies to lovers, omg i don't even know how i got this idea but it somehow happened enjoy the ride my friends!!! love you all so so so so much ♡

♡

liked by y/nhamilton, f1, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri, olliebearman, lando, carlossainz55, danielricciardo, georgerussell63, and 1,090,450 others

lewishamilton this past weekend in monaco, i married the love of my life in a small ceremony attended by our close family and friends. there is no greater joy and no greater love that comes even close to what my heart feels for her. i love you, y/nhamilton. till death do us part.

comments on this post have been limited.

♡

♡

liked by lewishamilton, yourbestfriend, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, lando, danielricciardo, and 890,645 others

y/nhamilton 06.12.25. i'll be forever yours if you'll be forever mine. i love you, lewishamilton. i always have, and i always will.

lewishamilton there she is. my wife. (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton i love you lewis. (now come back to bed) └ lewishamilton i've got to feed roscoe baby └ y/nhamilton I ALREADY FED HIM EARLIER LEW HE'S GOING TO GET FAT AGAIN

yourbestfriend im still crying over your vows (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton oh hon that was the goal im sorry im sorry

alexandrasaintmleux congratulations my love!! you deserve all the happiness marriage can provide 💕 (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton ahhh i love you my girl!! charles_leclerc put a ring on this woman before i do my god └ charles_leclerc picking out a ring is harder than you think!! (♡ by author)

username1 OKAY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKITY FUCK WHO ELSE IS HERE AFTER SEEING LEWIS' POST

username2 love how he just got married to a race engineer in the middle of the season and served cunt i mean did we expect anything else from him └ username4 WAIT WHAT SHE'S AN ENGINEER?! └ username2 omg yes check her bio

username5 omg her and lewis used the same pic of the two of them in their posts that is so damn cute

username6 OMG SHE'S SO GORG THEY'RE SO CUTE username7 PLS ADOPT ME y/nhamilton lewishamilton

♡

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liked by lewishamilton, your best friend, scuderiaferrari, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, danielricciardo, georgerussell63, and 945,600 others

y/nhamilton been out of office recently (we're never coming back)

lewishamilton my pretty girl (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton my pretty boy 💖 (talking about roscoe rn)

yourbestfriend HOLY SHIT MA'AM I AM BLINDED BY THE BEAUTY IN THIS POST (the view, i mean. not you naked. obvs) (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton so that's not very kind lewishamilton the view IS her naked in my opinion └ y/nhamilton LEWIS OH MY GOD

scuderiaferrari please come home you two. everything's a mess without you. (♡ by author)

username8 THEY'VE GOT ADMIN IN THE COMMENTS LFMAO username9 i too would be in a chokehold if these two got married and then went on a honeymoon in the middle of the f1 szn

alexandrasaintmleux so beautiful as always my girl!! (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton took inspo from you of course!! username10 oKAY THE WAY ALL THE WAGS ADOPTED Y/N └ username11 she was basically one of them already LFMAO she saw lewis more than anyone else saw him

username12 I AM DECEASED MOTHER HAS POSTED

username13 y/n please divorce lewis and marry me i am on my knees

y/nhamilton i don't know... the offer's just SO tempting... lewishamilton she's taken mate. FOREVER.

♡

♡

liked by lewishamilton, f1, scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, yourbestfriend, maxverstappen1, alexandrasaintmleux, and 1,070,300 others

y/nhamilton congratulations to the team on another amazing race in spa-francorchamps!! thank you to every single member on and off the grid today, as well as our two excellent drivers. your talent and dedication is unmatched by bounds. and to my husband, i could not be prouder of you. there are no words to describe the weight of my admiration for you.

lewishamilton it was all you, my love. all you. (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton so... you're letting me drive the car next time, yes? └ lewishamilton respectfully, not a chance in hell (♡ by author) └ y/nhamilton boooooo buzzkill alert

scuderiaferrari congratualtions on a fantastic race y/nhamilton! you two are one hell of a team. (♡ by author)

f1 the power couple energy in the room right now >> (♡ by author)

username14 PLEASE GIVE THE PERSON WORKING THE F1 MEDIA A RAISE THIS IS HILARIOUS username15 lando might have won the race, but goddamn lewis won the war

yourbestfriend AHHHH I LOVE MY WOMAN IN STEM (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton AHHH I LOVE YOU TOO SO SO MUCH (did you even watch the race bc i doubt you did) yourbestfriend im gonna hold your hand when i say no y/nhamilton IM BETRAYED

alexandrasaintmleux congrats y/n!!! love you lots XOXO (♡ by author)

y/nhamilton ahhh i love you more!! 💖

username16 does anyone else think she's using him for clout?! like she was a nobody before she married lewis

username17 okay ASSHOLE username18 ERM they're married so what its not like she married him to get famous she said in interviews that she prefers to be out of the spotlight anyway.... username19 yeah its so rude to assume she's 'using him for clout' when she has her own job?!! and life?!! like she doesn't need clout

maxverstappen1 great work today y/nhamilton! loved seeing you last weekend. (♡ by author)

♡

[YOUTUBE: Lewis Hamilton's first interview with Ferrari]

♡

♡

note: ermmmm what are these two muppets up to i dont even know they took my ideas and ran w them LOLSIES im def planning another part (since their contract marriage is two years long but.... they're obviously gonna fall in love)!! i wanna write the lovers part of enemies to lovers and lew's already getting jealous hehehe ♡ MUCH LOVE FROM GRACIE XOXO LOVE U ALL!!!!! ♡♡♡

[viennacherries]

okay hi sorry i need to talk about the lucanis romance for a moment and why i think it's absolutely perfect. spoilers below the cut ofc

so obviously there are a limited number of romance scenes. i really do believe in the case of lucanis' romance this lends itself to telling his story.

we learn through party banter with him and emmerich that his relationship with rook is his first. and that's not suprising really, he's an assassin. he faces death constantly and aside from the fact that he could die at any moment, being in a relationship gives his enemies a weak spot to exploit. love and the weakness required to accept and give it is a risk he cannot afford in his line of work.

then you add on the fact that he's been in the ossuary for a year. he was definitely sure he was never getting out of there. and then he does but he's possessed.

so here's rook. and they're flirting with him and being all enticing and he thinks they're great. but he doesn't deserve love and he certainly can't risk it. he's an abomination, he'll put them in danger. and what happens afterwards? when he goes back to taking contracts? it only takes pissing off the wrong person once for rook to be in danger. so he mostly just talks around it. tried not to think about it or aknowledge it.

and then spite breaks through for the second time. and there's rook. again. and they're soft and understanding and kind and they remind him that under everything else, all of the trauma and the fear, he's human. they make him feel so safe and he starts to let his walls down.

we can't know for sure why he pulls away in that moment, but i think it's because he reminds himself how dangerous it is for him and for rook. he wants them terribly but it's such an awful no good idea so he drags himself away.

but he still cares for them. he makes them dessert and he keeps them safe and eventually he has to admit to himself that they're not just friends anymore.

and then rook is taken into the fade by solas.

he never tells rook, you only find this out in a bellara romance, but rook is in the fade for weeks.

all that time, lucanis is there and he's just full of regret. because holy shit he's fallen in love with them and now they're gone and he should've just told them. he should've held them like he wanted. because now he can't and he never will again.

and then they're back.

and he comes into their room and his words are so simple.

"i never thought id see you again. i thought id lost you"

and obviously the rest of his dialogue can vary in this scene but all of it is SO weighted if you consider the fact that he really did think they were dead.

"i do. i know how to feel."

"it's one of the things i love about you"

"i'm not going anywhere."

he is in LOVE with them and he's tired of fighting it. he's tired of pretending he isn't. he's tired of denying himself of what he wants because he's scared. because ultimately he did lose them, despite how careful he'd been, and it hurt just the same.

"i know how to feel." because he DOES now.

so in the last battle, before you fight elgernan, he tells you again just how much he loves you. how he'll do anything he needs to to be back in your arms when it's over. because those weeks without you were torture and he never wants to do that again. he wasted all that time terrified to hurt you but you got hurt anyway. why keep pretending? why keep denying himself the person he wants more than anything in the world? he goes from 0-100 because this is so much more real now. there's so much to lose.

"i've assumed you knew my heart because it beats for you. it's been beating... when i wanted you. when i was afraid to want you... tell me this ends with me asleep in your arms and i will kill any god you ask."

this one sentence conveys EVERYTHING. all of his longing throughout the game. how long he has loved rook. he didn't say it because he was afraid. but he's not afraid anymore.

so much of lucanis' romance is about subtext. it's about the things he doesn't say rather than the things he does.

i think it's absolutely beautiful.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

As if I wasn't already exhausted enough this morning...

It's been brought to my attention that people are taking my fanfics, editing them, and sharing them around. I don't have the words to describe how not okay this is. If you don't like something about my fanfic, then I'm sorry to hear that, but there are a lot of other fics out there you can read instead.

I put time and effort and care into my writing, as does every writer. To take my work without permission and change it feels like someone just punched me in the gut. Frankly it makes me not want to share my work at all and to take down all the writing I do have up, because why should I share anything with people if all they're going to do is decide it's not good enough and they're going to do what they want with it and make it "better"?

And before anyone comes at me, this is not what a transformative work does. This is not the same as fanfiction. I'm fucking exhausted from working two eleven hour shifts over the weekend so my brain is not working so someone smarter and more articulate than I am can explain why. I'm tired.

This genuinely makes me want to take down all my works and not share anything new. It's very simple, kiddos: Don't like it? Don't read it. You will miss out on some fanfics that way, just like you'll miss out on some films, or books, or TV shows. I've missed out on really good fic, novels, films, etc, for the same reason. We all do. It's a part of life. Stuff will sometimes have things in it that you don't like. Skim those parts, fast-forward those scenes, grin and bear it, or just go and read/watch something else.

Normally I would make this post unrebloggable but I worry other writers in this fandom might experience the same thing and not realize it. So people are welcome to reblog this. Anyone who's an ass on it will be blocked, no second chances.

Just. Don't do this guys. Holy shit don't do this. What the actual fuck.

[darlingdaisyfarm]

This honestly might be a downer or stupid, but I just got fired and I am having a really hard time. I just want to bury my head in Stan's chest and sob. I was wondering if you could write how the Stan and Ford might react to the reader being suddenly fired and maybe how they'd comfort them? I'm also really excited for the next chapter of your fic!

✧˚⋆ Stan & Ford supporting you when you need it most ⋆｡♡˚

oh sweetheart, im so sorry ur going through this, holy shit. just the moment i received this ask, i knew i had to write smth when ill get free time today, because i feel so sorry for you. i hope these two old men gave u even a tiny bit of comfort, please be kind to urself right now, youre gonna get through this, i promise. sending u all my love !! stay strong please 🫂🫂

STANLEY

the thing about Stan is that he gets it. he gets the feeling of being chewed up and spat out, of having doors slam in your face, of working your ass off and still being told you’re not enough. he gets the quiet humiliation, the bitterness in the back of your throat, the way your hands shake when you try to act like it doesn’t matterm

you don’t even remember how you got here. your feet must’ve carried you through the streets, past strangers whose lives weren’t just ruined, past cars honking, past buildings that still stood while the whole world inside you had collapsed.

“hey, hey. what the hell, sweetheart, breathe, alright? you’re okay, you’re right here.” his rough but worried voice reaches you when you slam mystery shack's door open, standing in the doorway with shaking hands, red-eyed.

“i got fired, Stan. j-just gone, outta nowhere. i don’t know what to do, Stan, im so lost.” your throat burns

before you can say anything else, he's opening his arms. “c'mere.” and you don't even hesitate as you crash into him like a wave, burying your face in his chest. and he holds you, one big arm wrapping around your back, the other hand coming up to cradle the back of your head

“there we go. you don’t gotta keep it all in, sweetheart.” the words hit you harder than you expect. you're so used to holding it together, to swallowing everything down, to being strong. and Stan, who’s built himself up from nothing, who’s taken every punch life threw at him and still kept standing, he’s telling you it’s okay to break.

so you do. you bury your face in his chest and cry until you’re dizzy, until your breath stutters and shakes, until all the anger and hurt and fear bleed out of you. Stanley doesn’t rush you or tell you to stop. “let it out, sweetie, s’gonna be okay.” he holds you close tightly because he’s spent his whole life holding people who needed it more than he did.

“it’s not fair,” you gasp, clutching on his clothes.

“no, it ain’t.”

“i worked so hard.”

“i know.”

“i feel like—like nothing i do is enough—”

Stan tightens his hold, pressing his chin to the top of your head. “hey. you listen to me.” his voice turns serious. “some suit in an office makin’ a crap decision got nothing to do with who you are. they're dumb. absolute morons for lettin’ you go. betcha the whole place is gonna fall apart without you because you were the best thing about that shithole. if they couldn’t see that, then screw ‘em. they lost you. not the other way around.”

you shake your head, clenching your fists. “but—“

“no buts,” he growls and then, softer: “you're not trash just ‘cause some idiots don’t know how to treat their workers. you're not worthless just ‘cause some suits decided you were expendable. you are not nothing.”

Stan pulls back to tip your chin up, making sure you’re listening. his thumb wipes a tear off your cheek. “i mean, you still got me, sweetheart. ain’t no job in the world that could change that.” he smiles genuinely at you.

you close your eyes, giving him a tiny sad smile back. you let yourself breathe, let yourself believe it, hiding your face in his chest again. Stan's grip stays strong and unshaking, shielding you from the whole world as you cry until you’re too tired, so all what you do is sob into his chest. you’re just leaning into him, exhausted, letting him hold you up.

Stan sighs, resting his cheek against your hair. “ya ever heard the story of the biggest screw-up in New Jersey?”

you sniffle. “what?”

”lemme tell ya, kid grows up in a house that don’t want him. gets kicked out. loses every job he ever had. ends up in a broken-down shack in the middle of nowhere. total loser.”

you shift against him. “Stan—“

“but he keeps goin’. and somehow, somehow, that dumbass loser ends up with people who love him. ends up holdin’ someone who needs it. ends up tellin’ the best damn person he’s ever met that they’re gonna be okay.”

he lets you lean into him again, lets you breathe him in, lets you stay as long as you need. tells you stories about all the bosses he’s scammed just to make you laugh.

at some point, when the tears have slowed and the weight in your chest isn’t crushing anymore, Stan ruffles your hair and leans back, arms crossed.

“y’know, i could use an extra set of hands around the shack.“

you blink up at him, sniffing. “what? you. . .you want me to work here?”

“yeah, id rather have someone i actually like workin’ here instead of hiring some random kid who’s just gonna rob me blind.” his usual gruff tone is back, but his gaze is what speaks louder, soft and certain, making it obvious that you belong here.

you open your mouth, but he cuts in, pointing a finger at you. “and before ya say some crap about not bein’ good enough or whatever, shut up. i’m the boss, i decide who’s good enough, and i say it’s you.”

you let out a shaky laugh, wiping your nose. “wow, such a heartfelt offer.”

he smirks. “hey, that’s as heartfelt as it gets, sweetheart. but seriously. think about it, okay? i got a spot for ya.” Stanley is not just offering a job for you, he’s offering a place, a place where you’re wanted, where you’re needed, where you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.

you take a deep breath, feeling lighter for the first time all day. “yeah. yeah, i’ll think about it.”

“good,” Stan smiles and ruffles your hair again. “now, wanna eat somethin’? watch a dumb movie? beat me at cards? or you want me to egg their car?” about the last thing, he's joking, probably. but if you say yes, you know he’ll do it.

STANFORD

Ford finds you sitting at the kitchen table, arms crossed on the surface, face buried in them. you haven’t moved and spoken in a while, just sat there, motionless, like a puppet with the strings cut.

he clears his throat, stepping closer. “i, ah. noticed you didn’t come in for dinner.”

you don’t respond. his brows knit together, concern creasing his forehead. he takes the seat across from you, folding his hands on the table. “would you like to talk about it?”

for a moment, nothing. then, muffled: “i got fired.” slips from your mouth. so that's what happened. Ford doesn’t say oh. doesn’t say im sorry. doesn’t say what happened? he understands you because Ford Pines knows what it is to be discarded. he knows what it is to dedicate yourself to something, only to be told you are wrong. to be shoved out, unmoored, drifting in the space between who you thought you were and who they’ve decided you are now.

he knows what it is to look down at his hands and wonder if they are still meant to build something. after being betrayed.

he frowns thoughtfully. “that was. . . rather sudden, wasn’t it?”

you nod weakly. Ford exhales through his nose, gaze sharpening, analyzing. you. your sadness. the whole situation.

“it must feel unfair.“ he doesn’t just acknowledge the loss, but the injustice of it. and it makes your throat close up.

you lift your head slightly, looking at his face. “it- it is. i tried so hard. i put so much effort into that stupid job, and now it’s just—just gone.”

Ford hums. “tell me something.” he leans forward, putting elbows on the table. “do you think your value was in the work you did?”

you blink at him, but he doesn't even let you answer. “because if that were the case, then the moment you lost that job, you would have lost all worth as a person. but that’s not true, is it?” his voice is always so calm, full of absolute certainty.

you shake your head slowly, unsurely and Ford nods, satisfied. then, after a brief pause, he stands. “wait here” you don’t have the energy to question him. you just sit, staring blankly at the tabletop, until he returns a moment later with a notebook and pen.

he places them in front of you.

you glance up, confused. “what’s this for?”

Ford takes his seat again, tapping a finger against the cover. “do me a favor, darling. write down five things about yourself that have nothing to do with your job.”

your face looks tired and skeptical. you stare at the paper. “Ford, i—“

“anything,” he says softly, smiling at you. “everything. what you love. what you’re good at. what excites you, what makes you feel something. what matters to you.”

your fingers tighten around the pen. at first, you don’t know where to start. but Ford doesn’t rush you, just patiently sits beside you.

so you write. you write about the things that make you you. and at first, it feels stupid and awkward. it starts small, your favorite books, your favorite songs, the way you love thunderstorms, the way you always make extra coffee just in case someone else wants some.

but then it gets bigger. the things you’ve created. the things you’ve learned. the times you were kind when no one was looking. the people who love you, who see you. the way you keep going, even when it’s hard

Ford watches as you write, nodding approvingly at each entry.

“now tell me: did losing your job take any of that away?”

you stare at the words. the little pieces of yourself you hadn’t even thought about in the wake of everything. softly, you shake your head

Ford’s expression gentles. “then you’re still you. and you’re still worth just as much as you were yesterday. because no job, no institution, no single event defines you.” you swallow hard. Fords voice drops lower. “you are more than what you do, more than what you produce, more than what some company decides you’re worth. you are your thoughts. your curiosity. your kindness.” he gestures to the list. “you are all of this and nothing can take that from you.”

your breath wobbles. Ford’s gaze softens further. “come here, sweetheart.“ you hesitate but only for a second, then stand and he meets you halfway, arms wrapping around you. and Ford isn’t Stanley, isn’t someone used to giving big, open, thoughtless affection. but what he lacks in ease, he makes up for in intent.

because he means this. his big hand moves up and down your back slowly. “you’re not alone in this,” he murmurs into your hair. “we’ll figure something out. and until then. . . you are still extraordinary.“ his voice is so certain, and suddenly you don’t feel quite as lost.

“th-thank you” you bury your face in his sweater, hands gripping his sleeves

“and don’t let anyone ever tell you you aren’t smart or brave or worthy enough.”

you stay there a while. until Ford gives your shoulder one last squeeze and pulls back, adjusting his glasses. “now. i assume you haven’t eaten?”

you smile at him, shaking your head. “no, wasn't in the mood.“

“come, sweetheart, let’s fix that.”

[sweetbunpura]

Christmas party at NRC with students and staffs and special guests

Yuu's dress

Kassie's dress (Snowy Night)

It must've been a Christmas miracle because that was the only way to describe it. Crowley had actually done everything himself while setting up the party, of course he had help from the staff so that everything wouldn't go completely wrong. The cafeteria was all decked out in holiday decorations as everyone started filtering into the room. Many of them wore a basic suit and tie combo, with colors that matches the dorms they were in. Others went all out with the winter outfits and easily stuck out among everyone in the crowd.

Ace sighed as he leaned against the cocktail table. "Where are they?"

"She said they'd be here soon." Rollo answered as he eyed the Heartslabyul student. "And why, might I ask, are you so eager for her to be here?"

"One, I wanna ditch but I promised Yuu I'd stay until she got here and I fear for my life if I break that. Two, I wanna see what she has on."

"...Why?"

"Cause we all know Crowley didn't pay her enough to get her a proper winter party outfit." Ace glanced over at him. "Wait a second, why didn't you come with them?"

"Because I had to babysit them." Rollo gestured to where Fellow, Gidel, and Grim were basically raiding the buffet while Skully was talking to Sebek. "....Wait a moment, were you going to make fun of her?"

"Not fully, maybe tease a little." Ace smirked.

"While her mother and I are here?"

"....Okay, so maybe just a tiny bit."

Deuce shook his head. "Everyday, you seemly test the limits of your own survival."

"That's rich coming from you, Juice."

"It's never on purpose like what you do!"

"I don't wanna another fight between the two of ya!" Epel broke it up before they could start. "Last time Y'all did this, you split the punch all over Vil's white outfit."

They shuddered as they remembered the whole event and how terrifying Vil looked. Rollo muttered something behind his handkerchief while Jack sighed as his ears turned towards the entrance.

"They're-"

"What? Why so quiet-Holy."

Yuu and Kassie walked through the entrance, the Homuras were sporting a pair of cute, beautiful, and mature dresses. Yuu had on short black sweater dress with a single leg slit and a star pattern etched into the bottom of the dress and it's sleeves. It also had adjustable yellow lace as part of it. Kassie wore a dark blue cocktail dress with a snow pattern on it, the top of the dress was mesh. Anyone who had been talking stopped and looked at the pair as they made their way down the stairs. Crewel stepped forward and helped Kassie down the remaining steps while Leona, smugly, did the same to Yuu.

"Thank you, Divus."

"Of course."

"I didn't take you as a gentleman, Leona."

"Only for you, Herbivore."

Divus led Kassie to where the rest of the staff was while Yuu made her way over to the group with Leona lingering behind her.

"Thank you for taking the troublemakers, Rolls." She hugged him. "They weren't too bad, were they?

"You're welcome and no, they weren't."

"They knew better?"

"They knew better."

Yuu laughed and looked at the first years. "Cat got your tongue, fellas?"

"Holy shit." Ace muttered. "W-Why are you dressed like?"

"Like what?"

"Like a cute girl!"

The guys winced and looked between Yuu and Ace, waiting for the inevitable punch, but it didn't come as the girl shook her head.

"Cause I'm adorable as hell, Acey, and every now and then, I wanna show it off." She smirked and placed her hands on her hips. "Besides, it caught your attention, didn't it?"

"And everyone else's."

Yuu pats Leona's chest. "They know better. They can look, but they can't touch."

"Unless they want a broken hand." Leona placed his hand on her hip. "C'mon, I waited to eat for you."

"Aw, is the lion hungry~?"

Leona smirked as he whispered in her ear, which set her face a light and caused her to push him. Jack, thankfully, had lowered his ears before he could hear anything.

"Oh, Rolls, did you eat?"

"....I did not."

She pointed at the buffet with a sharp glint in her eye. "Go eat."

Rollo flinched and hurried off to the food, Leona watched him as he went before turning back to Yuu.

"You taming knows no bounds, Herbivore."

"Beast Master, remember?"

Leona's ear turned towards where Kassie was and he looked over to see the woman wrangling Crowley for something he said.

"Must be hereditary."

[rookienando]

our secret moments pt. ii | 𝓯. 𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓸

pairing: fernando alonso x f!actress!reader, socmed!au

synopsis: you and fernando's rumored relationship isn't a rumor at all. pt. i

a/n: honestly have no clue if this is gonna have plot and an ending or i'm just writing blurbs because i can. ALSO, age gap mention, but y/n is in her late 20s

f1

Liked by charles_leclerc, georgerussell63, fernandoalo_official, and others

f1 Some of last night's best dressed, the ladies in the paddock certainly slayed the house down at the Austrian Grand Prix! 🤩

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username the caption i can't—

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f1 👀

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yourusername feeling honored to be considered best dressed alongside some of the loveliest ladies🥰

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yourprivateaccount

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yourprivateaccount just the love of my life being the pookiest man ever❤️

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fernandoalo_official Mi bella, why?

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fernandoalo_official 😠

yourprivateaccount he's not wrong, my love is actually the cutest human being

fernandoalo_official ☺️❤️

georgerussell63 i call you cute and get an angry emoji, but she does it and gets a heart? 🙄

fernandoalo_official

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fernandoalo_official Always a joy to be in London 🇬🇧

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username he looks so good in that suit oml

username still one of the hottest guys on the grid

username always love a non-aston fernando update

yourusername

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yourusername always down for a night out 🥂

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yourcostar so glad you tried out my favorite london resto 🥺

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yourusername i am now OBSESSED with their filet mignon, thanks sm for telling me about it 🫶

yourbestfriend my bestie ATE

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f1gossipaccount

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f1gossipaccount SPOTTED: F1 driver Fernando Alonso and actress Y/N last night in London ahead of the British Grand Prix. Guess the rumors weren't rumors at all, no? 👀

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username holy shit

username omygod they really are together

username is it just me or anyone else find it off that he's older than her???

username she's in her late 20s, grow up

username dude it's weird, he's so much older than her

username why are y'all acting like she's in college or smth??? she's literally an adult

username i'm actually obsessed with their hug in the last pic

username who wouldn't be?

fernandoalo_official

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fernandoalo_official Another year down, many more to go with you, vida mía ❤️

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yourusername 💋💌❤️

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username OKAY IT'S OFFICIAL THEY REALLY ARE TOGETHER

username i'm actually screaming f1 rumors were right for once

username WAIT what do they mean "another year" ???

username omg wait...

username DOES THIS MEAN THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR LONGER

username ISN'T THAT Y/N'S OSCARS DRESS FROM TWO YEARS AGO IN THE SECOND PIC???

username you're so right like?? how long have they been together actually😭

username it's actually so scary they've managed to hide their relationship for so long considering the paparazzi and gossip sites

username the way they're already my favorite f1 couple

f1

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f1 Found some of the paddock's lovebirds roaming in the Silverstone circuit ahead of the British Grand Prix!

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username not f1 admin hardlaunching them😭

username admin for sure made this post just to get in on the hype

username obsessed with rebecca's paddock fits

username the fernandoyn ship has sailed. i repeat, THE FERNANDOYN SHIP HAS SAILED

yourusername

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yourusername congrats on p3, my love! i'm so happy to be able to witness you up on that podium again, and i can't wait to see you up there some more. i love you 💚

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fernandoalo_official mi corazón, te amo ❤️

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yourusername te amo, my nando ❤️

[sillygoofyqueer]

CROWYUAN PEAK LORD REACTIONS PART TWO!! (part one heree) My workload was surprisingly brutal from learning today, so I've been slogging through it just to talk to all of you <3 LET'S DO THIS SHIT: Liu Qingge: Okay, come on, we know this guy. He will just register the demonic features and pull out Cheng Luan with NO hesitation, only to be held back by no less than three of his martial siblings as they try and say "nah, nah, he chill he chill, goddamn it!!!" He almost refuses to believe this because holy shit they've been manipulated by this DEMON and he's immune to it because he's been in contact with so many demons. Then he has a conversation with the demon and is bombarded with many questions about his hunts and SOMEHOW gets roped into promising to bring SY the carcass of the next beasts he hunts so that SY can explain their weaknesses in incredible detail to him. (He still thinks that maybe he too has been manipulated and bewitched, but that's at the back of his mind when SY SMILES at him) Shen Qingqiu: God, he hates this little demon thing - everyone else is drawn in by his weak charms, but NOT Shen Qingqiu. Oh, he sees past the disguise, he knows that this little...creature is plotting, is waiting for them all to let down their guards - but he WON'T. Just because his martial siblings are utter, blithering idiots, doesn't mean HE is. He will remain resilient and strong and-- what do you mean Shen Yuan is making himself comfy on Qing Jing Peak??? What. What do you MEAN he feels safe enough to be alone with SQQ and doesn't care about the rumours surrounding him because "they're tame in comparison to the things he hears about other demons"????!?!?!?! That's it. This demon is too silly to be wandering around by himself, who knows who would take advantage of his stupidity - ATTIC WIFE TIME (/j/j/j) Yue Qingyuan: This demon likes Xiao-Jiu, therefore he's chill- HOLD ON WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHEN JIU SMILES AT HIM ALL THE TIME?!?!? Yue Qingyuan is very pleased that Shen Jiu has a....*through gritted teeth* friend, at least he has someone to talk to - ALL of the peak lords like Shen Yuan??!? All of them?? HOW. SY has to teach YQY his ways because it has been impossible for him to get his shidi all in one place without them killing each other, and now they're all just...chilling with SY? With minimal arguments?? Damn it. (This is a joke, I think he'd be pretty pleasant with SY, but I wanted to make a funny read on the guy's reaction) ((I think Shang Qinghua is an enigma because they're both transmigrators and he'd just be like "YOOOOO, YOU'RE THE IDEA I DROPPED!!"))

[dreamwatch]

Kick 'em When They're Up

Written for the @corrodedcoffinfest June warm-up round.

Prompt: Band on the run | Word Count: 997 | Rating: T | CW: Language | POV: Eddie | Pairing: Steddie | Tags: Established Relationship, the press being scumbags, angst, Eddie Munson needs a hug, and Steve is going to give it to him, they're in love your honour | AO3

*title from Dirty Laundry by Don Henley

****

It’s taken eight years for it to come out; one world tour, three albums. One video that blew up on MTV. And that was the problem.

Because being a metal band, while they were famous, in metal magazines, in the scene, they weren’t famous. They weren’t Metallica. But it was cool. They were successful enough, they had everything they ever wanted.

But see, you have a successful single, and people who don’t know you, well, now they know you. And they want to know more about you, so they buy magazines. And some magazines, some shitty, low rent, nasty fucking rags, they really dig.

It’s been a long time since he’s seen his photograph alongside Chrissy Cunningham's.

They’d barely got off the stage in Quebec before Phil, their manager, was getting them into cars and back to the hotel. No one telling them a goddamn thing, just “We have a situation, we have to go.” They all piled into Phil’s hotel room, still sweaty, towels around their necks, before the bomb got dropped.

“Bullshit,” Eddie says, even though he can see it in Phil’s face. He scrambles to turn the television on. And it’s there, on the news, not just MTV either, it made CNN. 

He barely makes it to the bathroom before he throws up.

He has no idea how long he’s been sitting on the bathroom floor. People have been knocking but he ignores them. They probably need a piss. They’ll have to go to someone else’s room.

There’s another knock and he just wants to tell them to fuck off but they speak before he gets a chance.

“Eddie?” Jeff, talking to him so softly, which makes him feel worse. Because this isn’t just about Eddie, it affects them too. If this blows up— fuck, he doesn’t even want to think about it.

“Dude? Steve’s on the phone. I think you should come out and talk to him.”

And that’s the trigger, that’s the thing that gets him off the floor and unlocking the door. What he walks into isn’t a hotel room anymore, it’s a fucking war room. Phil is on another phone, the cable leading from the corridor outside the room. Their tour manager and publicist have their heads together at the desk. There are members of the road crew coming in and out of the room, dropping off food and drinks. When the door opens he can see security posted on the door.

Holy fuck. All because of him.

He takes the phone and turns to face the wall. “Steve?” His voice is rough from the adrenaline and stomach acid. He needs a drink.

“Hey,” says Steve in that oh-so-gentle voice, and God how he fucking needs him right now. “How are you holding up?”

“Been better,” he manages to force out. 

“Shit, sorry, stupid question.”

And Steve knows what he needs to hear before he can even form the words; Wayne is fine, Steve is fine, yes there are photographers and press outside his house, no there is no one outside of Wayne’s. 

“You’re all on flights out of Quebec this afternoon, okay?”

“To where?” They were supposed to be back in LA at the end of the week. But now… he has a hot stone in the pit of his stomach just thinking about it.

“Dublin via Toronto. You liked Ireland, right? And it’s quiet, it’ll be easy to hide there for a bit. Dustin has a friend-of-a-friend thing going on, but basically he’s got us a house in the middle of nowhere. We’ll be fine.”

“We?”

“I’m at LAX now. You’ll probably beat me there, you can hide out in the lounge and drink all their booze.” Eddie can hear the smile in his voice. He never stops marvelling at the way Steve just knows him, knows what he needs morning, noon and night. 

He clutches the phone, knuckles turning white. “I can’t do this without you.”

“You can. You won’t be alone, Phil is going to fly in with you, he’ll take care of everything. Just, tie your hair up and keep it under a cap. And take your rings off, okay? Keep your arms covered if you can.”

“Try not to look like Eddie Munson?”

There’s a pause at the end of the line before Steve lets out a soft sigh. “Yeah. Just for now though, right?”

“Right.” 

“I gotta go, my flight is boarding. I love you, okay?”

Eddie feels broken, the thought of hanging up like cutting his lifeline and he almost can’t bear to do it. “Okay. I love you too.”

“Always and forever?”

Eddie can hear the light teasing in Steve’s voice, and he smiles for the first time since Phil told him his life had been turned upside down again. Because that is what Steve does to him; blows away the tears and the clouds and the rain. Takes the open wounds of him and pulls them taught, stitching them together and making him whole again. 

“Always and forever,” he whispers back. 

He still feels sick, still has that putrid, adrenaline-filled rock in his gut just sitting there, but Steve’s voice reminds him of what they can’t take from him. They can take his band, his career, everything he worked for. But Steve will always be there for him. So many times in his life he’s questioned whether he is loved, like, truly loved. Even Wayne, who gave up so much for him, Eddie always worried that it came from a sense of obligation, even though deep down he knew better. But now, trapped in the middle of this maelstrom, the target of another witch hunt, he’s never been more sure of this: Steve Harrington loves him. And he loves him back in a way that should be scary but feels like oxygen, feels like life. And that’s what it comes down to, ultimately;  Steve is his life. 

And no shitty third rate magazine is ever taking that away from him.

****

Thanks to the wonderful @devondespresso for beta-ing!

[tumb1rprincess]

Okay, I just binged the rest of the Hazbin Hotel episodes.

Carmilla and Zestial are hot. And Carmilla is so interesting. I loved her and Vaggie's song. I actually didn't expect them to reveal who killed the angel so quickly. But I love how they're showing that even some of the top overlords in Hell care. The only question now is what Alastor is going to do with this information.

I love Vox. He has a great voice and his rivalry with Alastor is hilarious.

Sir Pentious is such a fucking loser and I adore him.

Nifty almost reminds me of Little My from the Moomins with her little gremlin energy. I don't know if we'll get any serious moments with her like we have with the other characters, but I guess we'll see.

I love how Alastor's room is a literal bayou/swamp. And him eating the whole fucking deer was hilarious.

I didn't expect for some of the others to find out about Angel and Val's toxic relationship so quickly, but I did like how it showed an uncommon angle: how trying to save someone from an abusive relationship can make things worse for the victim. I can't think of any other media off the top of my head that shows that kind of thing. But with Charlie and Husker knowing about this (and Cherri Bomb if we're counting Addict as canon), how long before everyone else finds out? And what are their reactions going to be?

I haven't been the biggest Angel/Husker shipper, but holy hell, am I on board now. Husker once being an overlord and pretty much implying that he sold his soul to Alastor much like how Angel did with Val was a development I didn't expect, as well as drawing parallels between his addiction to gambling and Angel's addiction to drugs. Hell, I really didn't except this angle they took with Husker. We only saw his bitter attitude in the pilot, and we still get plenty of that here, but I didn't expect him to also be a good people reader and being able to see how the other characters really are and what they're hiding. He's almost empathetic in a way.

All of the songs are fucking bangers, Poison especially. I listened to it once before the show and I liked it okay, but seeing it in context, it hits you ten times harder. I almost cried.

The show is so good at making the viewer feel so uncomfortable with how Val treats Angel, it's almost too hard to watch. I've seen shows tackle abuse before and they've done it well, but this was very raw and in your face and it makes your insides twist. And I love it.

Looking at the show's cast, Vivzi got so many people with Broadway experience and I love that. I feel like a lot of popular media nowadays just like to cast popular actors regardless of whether they can actually sing or not (I'm looking at you live action Disney remakes). But every actor who's sung so far is fucking good at it and it shows.

So far, I am in love, love, love with this show. I remember first watching the pilot when it was causing some controversy and I fell in love with it immediately. It almost became a comfort thing for me for a while. I was watching it over and over during 2020 when Covid was running rampant and everything was shit. I'm so proud of Vivzie and everyone else for their hard work and dedication and love. This show is so different from everything else out there. I hope now that it's out, even more people can fall in love with it.

[stevieschrodinger]

There’s a quiet beeping noise. It’s very regular and kind of annoying; but then Eddie fucking hates the ticking of clocks. Finds them impossible to ignore once he’s heard it.

He shifts, and then almost immediately stops because fucking ow.

Ow. Well this is shit.

Eddie hums in agreement.

The mattress made a terrible creaky noise; like it’s plastic, and the air smells like disinfectant. Oh. Hospital. Which means holy shit, he’s alive.

Well, I sure as fuck wasn’t expecting this.

Eddie hums again, blinking open gummy eyes. It’s dark other than a rectangle of light on the popcorn tiled ceiling; shining through the door from the hallway. It’s a pretty average hospital room, except for the glaring anomaly that is Steve Harrington, snoring gently in an arm chair.

Holy shit, is that Harrington?

“Yeah-” Eddie starts to answer out loud, and then finally realizes that he’s answering someone. His voice is fucked and his mouth is dryer then Gandhi's sandals, but he still tries, “errr…who are you?”

Wait, you can hear me??

Eddie tries, really hard, to think loud thoughts, firstly because his throat is fucked and it hurts to talk, and secondly because he doesn’t actually want to wake Steve, yes?

Holy shit. It’s me. I mean. Hargrove. Billy Hargrove.

Well...fuck. I thought you were dead?

No. No, I just kind of got...absorbed. Like I was in the, you know, in that place with everything else.

The upside Down.

Whatever. But then Henry died. We all felt it when Henry died. And I was just kind of...loose.

You knew his name?

We all knew his name.

Which is not a terrifying thought like, at all. Especially not with how weighty the thought is when Hargrove delivers it. We all knew his name. Holy shit.

And then there was you and I saw my chance. I was so sure you were going to die, and I figured if I was in there, you’d take me out with you.

Oh. Well I was kind of assuming that I was dead, considering I now have the ghost of Billy Hargrove talking at me from in my own head.

Yeah. Death is a pretty solid explanation for me too. Think the afterlife could do better than this, though. Eddie can feel it when Hargrove yawns. Can feel that they’re both tired. Tries not to be vaguely offended that the inside of his head isn't good enough for Hargrove. Why is he here?

I dunno man, I mean, I was kind of with them at the end you know, I was part of the plan. Maybe he feels responsible or something.

Eddie can feel Hargrove turn that one over, what do you think he’s dreaming about?

Wet tee shirt competition, Eddie answers instantly and without thought, can feel Billy snort a laugh, can sense his amusement clearly.

Being Prom king? Sinking the winning ball?

Being asked to judge a wet tee shirt competition because he’s prom king?

Hargrove sniggers again, but then becomes thoughtful, you’re taking this really well. What if it’s like, permanent?

Eddie yawns, ask me again tomorrow. He's way too tired to deal with this.

It takes four days for Eddie to be able to actually stand alone long enough to take a piss in an actual bathroom, which is amazing. It's four days of having his life choices sometimes critiqued by Billy Hargrove, but it isn't the worst. At least they're on first name terms now, and Billy has been surprisingly sensitive when it comes to Eddie's recovery.

The first piss after the catheter came out was pretty fucking unpleasant, but not being alone for this stuff has actually been okay. Having Billy saying ow ow ow in the back of his head during that first piss had made it somehow more bearable. At least he's not suffering alone.

And he’s so done with pissing into those funny little bottle things and then enduring the mortification of handing it to someone.

You’re feeling pretty pleased with yourself over this.

“Yeah well, some of us enjoy pissing in private,” Eddie grumbles back.

When he turns to wash his hands, he squeals and nearly knocks everything off the counter. He then whimpers in pain, because he turned way too fast.

“Eddie? You okay?” Steve asks, knocking on the door.

“I’m fine. I’m fine man. Give me a minute,” Eddie looks over the bathroom. The empty bathroom. But no, no, he definitely saw- Eddie turns slowly back to the mirror, and there, leaning against the wall, “Billy?” Eddie breathes.

He looks over his shoulder again, just to make sure, but nope. He’s still definitely alone.

What?? Can you see me?

Billy moves, standing next to Eddie. He looks...good. Clean. Perfect. Blue jeans and a white polo with the collar popped a bit, gold chain around his neck. He looks exactly like Eddie remembers. “I thought you were like, inside my head?”

I am. I mean. I thought I was but...I can see me too.

Steve knocks, “Eddie? You talking to yourself man? You’re taking a while-”

“We should go, before he can untwist his panties, we can...check this again, later?”

Yeah. Yeah, later.

Part Two

[proseka-headcanons]

transmasc rui: an essay (/silly) by mod mizuki

made on june 7 2024. scheduled for (if i'm correct) exactly june 24 2024 12am JST in honor of rui's birthday

so. i talk a lot about transmasc rui. but i've never explained the headcanon. that is what i am here to do today because i've been meaning to make this post since *checks notes* ... april. oh wow and i only did this while half asleep on june 7... and then scheduled it for rui's birthday.... oh dear. well anyways. a lot of this is kinda jokey. in fact the first point is the only 100% serious one i think. but without further ado, here's why rui kamishiro is transmasc!

1. rui's connection to the cat plush in the wonderland sekai

this is a BIG one. it's pretty clear, isn't it? the cat plush is VERY obviously meant to mirror rui. the worry of being seen as weird and being ostracized for sharing his ideas? yeah. that's obviously rui. however, with this comes some trans coding. why? the cat plush is a calico. if you don't know, male calico cats are RIDICULOUSLY rare, and almost always sterile. a common statistic is that only 1/3,000 calicos are male, but it's unclear if that's the real statistic. either way, male calicos are so rare that when one is born, discovered, or adopted, there are news articles made about it. a big example being charlie unicorn (as he was nicknamed), a cat from colorado discovered in april of 2023 to be male and adopted in june of the same year.

^ that's charlie

male calico cats (as well as male tortoiseshell cats) are known as the unicorn of cats because they're just that rare. so rui (a canon male) being so closely tied to the calico plush... yeah seems like trans coding to me, accidental or not.

2. this fucking card

that's it. yeah. that card.

look his earring is trans flag colors okay. also. the costume. it's called fucking transition gentleman there's literally nothing more to say here moving on

3. his friendship with mizuki

i like getting opportunities to talk about them. so mizuki and rui are friends we all know this. and they bonded over being outcasts. but what if. they also had something else in common. transness or something idk. transfem transmasc solidarity is a thing and it's cool. if two trans people know they're both trans they're likely to get along well. they can feel safe because the other won't judge them for who they are. ... a lot of the time.

maybe he's an outcast for being autistic and a trans boy. you can't tell me otherwise. also them both being trans makes the dynamic so much better in my personal opinion :3

4. holy shit!!! a binder!!!

if you look closely, the thing he's wearing underneath the white shirt... has no sleeves. it has like. straps. it could easily be a tank top but it could also just as easily be a binder. i choose to believe it IS a binder. you can't tell me otherwise

i might be forgetting things, but i'm tired. i'm eepy. so thank you for coming to my ted talk. mod mizuki out.

[cloudytardigrade]

fav things from the new longform (now one of my favourites)

•Luke being so confused in the beginning and then the "ohhh"

•The echoing mic was iconic

•Mrs Claus's sass

•Luke saying "What the fuck is Snowdrop??"

•"I have loved you since 0 AD"

•"I was a wise man" "I was dressed as a sheep"

•"You can call me a giant elf if you want but I don't give a shit, do y'know that?"

•The awkwardness of Snowdrop having to watch Mr and Mrs Claus argue

•"Barbados is on the naughty list. All of it"

•Also Krampus IS one of the best SFTH characters.

•The relationship between Santa and Snowdrop. THE PROTECTIVENESS <33

•"You just gonna keep being an asshole to me?.."

•The eyebrow raise from Snowdrop when Santa says "You slept with Javier!"

•The casual "See ya later" from Mrs Claus after having an argument that will probably end their relationship

•TOM PLAYING VILLAINS HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT.

•"Breakfast, lunch and dinner: Santa's smiles"

•"September, October, yeah I'll do it, then November comes and it's like "fucking hell!!"

•Javier??? Xavier's long lost twin??

•I WILL be making fanart of the characters, specifically Krampus and Snowdrop bc they're my favs

•The hold back of laughter from Luke when Santa says "we recently found out this year that all elves have ADHD"

•"About time, Luke-I mean, Snowdrop"

•Sam singing 😭

•The little hand movements Luke does after Santa accidentalky says "Luke" instead of Snowdrop

•Krampus talking in third person

•The way Krampus and Little Krampus get around

•"You have DHHA" "Damn Hot Attention Awareness"

•The hair caress that Krampus gives Little Krampus, which shows their love

•Krampus holding his leg whilst moving

•"Welcome to the North Pole airport"

•Luke literally throwing his head back with laughter in the sidelines

•Mrs Claus not knowing how passports work

•The banter on how passports work

•I love how happy and enthusiastic Tom seems

•"Oh, bribery!" "That's also a crime!"

•The poses for the photo booth

•Poor Snowdrop :(

•"That's Krampus! The most wanted terror!st in the North Pole"

•Tom's out-loud commentary, and Luke just nodding

•"Where's our bowl full of jelly laughs? This is SHIT"

•"Barbados.. Let me check the map *pulls out map* There"

•Snowdrop's smirk when one of the elves says "We're not allowed passports" and then "There's a photo booth"

•"I'll climb up on your shoulders" "Oh really?" "Yeah" "Okay"

•The name's if the characters on the presents in at the start is really cute (damn they really know the fanbase huh)

•"I have an alternative proposal" "I'd probably prefer mine, to be honest 😏"

•"Oh, actually, fuck yeah, that's great"

•"Rudolph motherfuckerrr"

•"The teddy bears are getting married" dude. how can he say something as pure and wholesome as that and NOT expect me to combust

•Forgetting the reindeers names and an audience member helping them out

•"I was expecting a sexy lady with a big beard"

•Javier turning the elves head to look at him

•"Christmas is ruined, there's no laughter for us to eat"

•"Ho ho ho is gleeful laughter"

•Everyone subtly making fun of Mrs Claus saying "I was caught on a cloud"

•"You're his muse. His inspiration" ☹️☹️

•"Hey, let's not blame someone with a disorder, shall we?"

•"Sometimes, the hyper focus is really useful for making toys. One day, I made a thousand game boys. They said to try and make something else, I said "fuck that!""

•Krampus's song

•"Krampus grows more powerful!!"

•"Little Krampus has a gun now!! Ho ho ho.. 😈😈😈"

•The deep "I'm everywhere"

•"No no no no no"

•"Poor little teddy bear Christmas man!"

•"Ahhh.. A Christmas gun..."

•"One present from every child.. goes to Krampus's tum tum!"

•WHY ARE THEY SOME THE MOST GORGEOUS AMAZING PEOPLE EVER TO EXIST EVER??? LIKE THEY ALWAYS LOOK GOOD.

•"I feast on the tears of the children!!"

•"Find the joy... Santa"

•Definitely wasn't hoping for a kiss scene or something...

•"You are nothing little lady girl.. I'm a sex!st as well"

•"Your wife is my wife now"

•"Hehehehehe"

•"Look at my little piss boy"

•When they all start singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" very slowly and eerily

•"What is this song? This wasn't around when I was put beneath the ice"

•Most beautiful men ever ngl

•"AVADA KEDAVRA!!"

(So basically the entire play)

[miyaheestar]

live reaction to the pack wedding audio

KISS SJSGJS DAVID KISS HAIII HAI DAVID 🥺🥺🥺

"i just want a little time with you today, before everything goes crazy" MSHSMHDMSHSM IM GONNA GO INSANE

IM GOING INSANE IM IM GOING IM INSANE IM ACTUALLY DGINGSJSYSISGSKGAJA

"how are you feeling?" NOT GOOD MY BODY TEMPERATURE IS HIGH IM GOING INSANE FYM YOU TOO

"WE MADE IT" WHAT IF I DONT MADE IT WHAF IF I CRY WHAT IF YOU DIE DO NAWT SAY YOU LOVE ME I WILL CRY DAVID SHAW I WILL ACTUALLY CRY SO HARD

"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY"HE SOUNDS SO FUCKING HAPPY AND SOFT IM ACTUALLY CRYING IM NOT NAWT OKAY IM NOT PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME PLS

"beautiful" i haven't showered and i didn't sleep and it's 7 am in the morning are you blind

"you are. especially first thing in the morning. still all sleepy and cuddly and relaxed. im the luckiest man in the world to get to see it everyday.. for the rest of my life" do you want me to die?

MGSMSGSMSHSM I WANNA CRY SEND HELP SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOSBSOSBSOSBSOSJSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOWIS

pls i will actually cry

"you fucking menace" IM YOUR MENACE HAH

KISS

ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHWR ASHWR ASHERA AHEEDHA ASHER AHSER ASHW AAGE

oh he eepy baby 🥺

good morning asher 🥺

"oh my god it's actually today holy shit it's actually happening" HE'S LIKE ME FOR REAL FOR REAL

"when did you wake up" you think i sleep?

WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH SEXY?? AYO I KNOW I AM SEXY

"IM GONNA BE YOUR HUSBAND" WHAT IF I CRY WHAT IF I CRY WHA IF I ACTUALLY LOSE IT THEN WHST IF I DIE WHAT IF YOU DIE OH GOD DON'T DIE ASHER PLEASE

IM TEARING UP DONT DO THIS TO ME

ASHER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHY YOU'RE NOT REAL

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE" I SAID IT FIRST SO THAT MEANS I LOVE YOU MORE

DAMN RIGHT ASHER DAMN RIGHTTTTT

"about the person who matters to me more than anything else in the whole damn world" STOP STOP THIS OFFICER OFFICER A WEREWOLF TRYNNA SEDUCE ME HE TRYNNA SEDUCE ME SIR I WILL DIE SIR IM BEING SEDUCED

okay scene change

SAM AND ASHER AUGSUAGUAGUAGUAGAUFAUAGAHHUFAHHHH

"mate pairs shouldn't see each other in the morning" DAMN RIGHT SO TRUE HEWL YEAHHH

MILOOOOOO MY BIG.. um SMALL BIG BOY

"grouchy grandpa" HELPPPP "now don't you start." HELLAGSISGSKSG HAHAHAHAHA

"oh my mistake" YOU'RE SO SASSY

... ITS JUST SILENCE HELPP IM CRYING

ERIK PLEASE HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO 😭😭😭

ERIK BODOH LAH KAU NI 😭😭😭😭

HELP PLEASE ENOUGH SILENCE PLS THIS IS WAY TOO FUNNY I'LL THROW UP

IM CRYING

STOP THIS

IT'S TOO LONG STOP THE SILENCE ERIK I WILL EAT YOUR HAIR AND YOU'LL BE BALD

ERIK

LMAO MILO NOT THE WARNING

CHRISSY

"are you trying to look like you got married in wind tunnel" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HELPPP MILO PLEASE

"im fine.. i-im not" ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO

aww grandpa sam 🥺🥺🥺

AWWW DAVID HELPING ASHER

"david, can i ask you something?"

STOP STIP SRSOSO STIP SFOP STOP BITCH STOP I WIWLL CRY

"well i did" DO YOU WABT ME TO KILL EVERYONE THEN MYSELF

im not okag im not ojay im not okay I AM NOT OKAY

i cant do this I'll actually pass out

i cant

im hypervinelantagwtbf

"my dad-" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP DAVID SHAW SHUT UP

"i picked you because you're the one person i trust more than anyone else. you made me feel safe." I WILL ACTUALLY LOSE IT

I WILL LOSE IT

I WILL NO

I WIGSKSGWK

I AM GONNA CRY

"i was a decent alpha but i wasn't a very good friend" so you want me to kill myself

i am genuinely gonna cry

THEY'RE HUGGING IM GONNA CRYYYYYYY IN GONANNAHSGSISFWKSFISV IM NOT OKAY

"ash euw" I LOVE THAT

MILO DO NAWT HURT MA MAN I WILL EAT YOUR REMAINING HEIGHT

MILO SPEECH

"how much does it pay" BOSGSISGSJGAHAGAGAGAGAHAHAGAHA STAPH

what if i jump

i will jump

i won't

i will

i wont

I WILL SOB I WILL WIBSUSVWKSGSJ STOPAHSGSOGSOSGS

IM GETTING MARRIED YALL

IM IM IM IM

IM GONNA GET MARRIED

it sounds like asher and david getting married LMAO

"um" classic opening

asher if you cry YOU BETTER BE CRYING okay he's gonna cry

what if asher dies after his vows

I WILL BE A WIDOW OH GOD

"i love you" IM GONNA KILL MYSELF AND EAT ERIK'S HAIR

so it's just silence and giggles for babe's speech

got it

it's okay i love asher's giggles

"angel" I WILL JUMP BRO

I WILL

I WILL

I WONT IM SCARED OF HEIGHTS

david please cry

PLEASE CRY

GO FULL ON SOBBING

why guy is not angel's brother

HE'S CRYING YALL CHEERS

CHEERS

and he's laughing too

BUT HE'S CRYING YEAYYYYY

LMAO MILO HAHAHAHAGAHA PLEASEEEE

IT SOUNDS LIKE ASHER AND DAVID KISSING WOAH

... I NEED MORE

ERIK ERIK ERIKSON

[howlingday]

An Offer

Clover: (Walks in) ...You Jauney?

Jaune: Jaune Arc.

Clover: Specialist Ebi. (Sits)

Jaune: ...You alone?

Clover: I'm not that lucky. The only other badge you'd see in here is the health inspector.

Waitress: What can I get ya?

Clover: Just a coffee, thanks.

Waitress: (Pours coffee, Leaves)

Clover: (Pulls out flask) Need a kick?

Jaune: No thanks.

Clover: (Pours into mug) Suit yourself. (Stows) So... You said on the phone you might have a... proposition for me?

Jaune: That's right.

Clover: Well, if you're looking for another stoolie on your payroll, you called the wrong cop. I'm not looking for any... "new friends".

Jaune: Good, because I'm on the run. I can't even pay for the coffee. But I do have something to trade.

Clover: And that is...?

Jaune: ...How long have you been in town?

Clover: Three years. Got my start in Mantle.

Jaune: And they gave you the Branwen case, right out the gate?

Clover: Like I said, I'm not that lucky. And what's it to you if I am?

Jaune: Well, it's a tough case, right? It's probably getting cold by now...

Clover: And you got somethin' to warm it up?

Jaune: Yeah. I got somethin'.

Clover: And what's my end of the deal? Lien? Some kinda immunity?

Jaune: None of that. I have people I need to protect.

Clover: Ah... Family man. Weak point of just about every man, even the crooked ones. So, who you got? Dying mother? Wife and kids-

Jaune: A wife and a daughter.

Clover: And no one else to watch your back, right?

Jaune: I wouldn't be here if that wasn't the case.

Clover: Sorry to hear that. Someone once told me you need friends to survive in this world.

Jaune: Mhm, but in my world, it's the other way around. (Sips coffee)

Clover: Not surprising.

Jaune: ...

Clover: Look, I can't promise you anything for your family. Not until I hear what you're trading. So, are you gonna start talking, or are you just killing time before they come for you?

Jaune: I can-

Clover: No, you can't. Oum's sake, look at you. You've got bags under the bags under your eyes. Twitchin' like you've had more than just this cup here. Your neck's probably sore from all that turnin' you've gotta keep doin'. No, the way I see it, you've got someone REAL powerful on your ass, and they're not givin' up 'til you're bobbin' in the river. Now, if you want to walk out that door without me, be my guest. I'm willing to bet you don't make it five steps before you're someone else's case.

Jaune: ...

Clover: BUT... you stick around, tell me your story, and maybe you've got a shot at seeing your little girl walk down the aisle from her arm, rather than from the clouds. (Sighs) Either way, I'm buying you coffee.

Jaune: ...Fuck, I don't know how it all got so cocked up...

Clover: No one ever sees the trap until they're standin' in it. But you didn't get handed a weapon while you were still in diapers, were ya?

Jaune: ...No. I was a cab driver when I met them...

Jaune: I mostly drove nights 'cause the money was better. I was at the end of my shift when I first met Yang and Qrow...

--------------------------------------------------

Yang/Qrow: (In screeching car) SHIT!

Jaune: (Checks tire pressure)

Qrow: Son of a bitch!

Yang: LOOK OUT!

Yang/Qrow: (Crash)

Jaune: Huh? (Looks over)

Yang: (Runs over, Turns) C'mon, Qrow! There's a taxi here! We're gonna be okay!

Jaune: (Backs away)

Yang: (Pulls out gun) HEYHEYHEY! Get in the car! NOW!

Jaune: (Gets in)

Yang: (Gets in)

Jaune: Uh, where to?

Qrow: (Gets in) Anywhere. FAST!

Jaune: (Drives)

Yang: I've got a gun pointed at the back of your head! They catch us, we're dead, but that doesn't mean you get to walk away!

Jaune: I-I don't want any trouble!

Qrow: Well, you've got it. Now drive!

Yang: How the hell'd they know we'd be there?

Qrow: Doesn't matter now! We just need to lose 'em! How many cars are following us?

Yang: Just one, but there'll be more.

Jaune: (Getting shot at) Hang on! I'm gonna try something! (Swerves, Escapes)

Yang: HOLY SHIT!

Jaune: Who were those guys?

Yang: Hey, you don't get to ask questions! We need to get across the bridge. Take this right over here.

Jaune: O-Okay...

Yang: Ngh...

Qrow: Your arm okay?

Yang: Hurts like hell. (Winces)

Qrow: When we get back, I'll wake up doc.

Yang: Uh, I dunno... Maybe it'll be okay?

Qrow: Callin' him anyways. And hey, I see you listening, cab driver. You don't get to listen, either!

Jaune: I'm just taking you guys to where you wanna go.

Qrow: Then do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaune: There's more of 'em!

Yang: SHIT!

Jaune: (Rams through blockade) Don't worry, I know a couple shortcuts that'll slow 'em down!

Qrow: I don't care how you do it! JUST DO IT!

Jaune: (Swerves through construction, Causes one to crash)

Yang: That's your shortcut?!

Jaune: I lost 'im, didn't I?

Qrow: Not all of 'em!

Jaune: Man, these guys really don't like you, do they?

Yang: Sometimes business partners fall out. It happens.

Qrow: Shut up, Yang! The more he knows, the more likely he doesn't live to see the sunrise.

Jaune: I didn't hear anything, guys.

Yang: I count three cars down- How many were at the exchange?

Qrow: Uh, four? Five? Knowing her, she's probably called double that by now.

Yang: Definitely feels like it. Knew we should've taken more muscle.

Qrow: Trust me, when SHE hears about this, there'll be hell to pay!

Yang: They just keep coming!

Qrow: We're not safe until we're back on our own turf. Let's get back home!

Jaune: (Speeding up)

Yang: Uh... The bridge is up, dude...

Jaune: Yup. We can make it.

Qrow: What the hell are you doing?!

Yang: Just hang tight and pray!

Jaune: (Jumps the bridge, Lands safely)

Qrow: ...Never flew like that before.

Yang: Me neither...

Qrow: Alright, take us to Little Patch. Now. Your night's not over.

Yang: I didn't see this comin'. You think someone squealed?

Qrow: What I think is you should shut up. We'll talk about it when we get to the bar.

Yang: ...Okay, we're close. Pull over in front of that bar.

Jaune: The Crow Bar?

Qrow: That's the one.

Jaune: (Pulls over)

Qrow: Wait here.

Jaune: Why?

Qrow: ...You wanna get what you earned, right?

Yang: (Gets out)

Qrow: (Carries her inside)

Jaune: (Gulps, Shivers)

Qrow: (Walks out, Reaches into coat)

Jaune: (Holds breath)

Qrow: (Pulls out envelope) This should cover it. Gas, transport, and even the damages. With this, we're even.

Jaune: (Takes the envelope) I... think it's more than enough.

Qrow: Good. Miss Branwen wants you to know she's grateful for what you've done. If you ever need anything- lien for a loan or even a good job, don't hesitate to ask. The Miss doesn't forget her friends.

Jaune: Okay, thanks.

Qrow: ...And one other thing. What happened tonight stays here on this street tonight. Anyone asks where you got the lien, say you won it in a card game. The scratches on your cab? You got 'em from swervin' to save a kitty-cat's life. Got it?

Jaune: Of course.

Qrow: (Nods) See ya 'round, kid. (Leaves)

Jaune: (Inhales, Drives away)

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Fix the cab... Yeah, right. When I opened the envelope, I could've died right there. I almost had enough to buy a new one! I thought about what Qrow said about work. I wasn't interested. Sure, the money was good, but I didn't want to get in with criminals. Better to be poor and alive than rich and dead.

Jaune: So right there, back then, I was out.

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: (Drinking coffee)

SMASH!

Jaune: SHIT! What the- (Grabbed)

Melanie: Remember me? (Tosses him) Yeah? (Kicks)

Miltia: (Smashes up cab)

Melanie: Lil' Miss isn't too happy. Maybe you shouldn't go around helping Branwen's little birds, right? (Bends down) Now I have to beat up your pretty, little face, just so you don't forget who owns this city.

Jaune: (Gets up)

Melanie: You won't be walking much for a-

Jaune: (Shoves her into Miltia, Flees)

Melanie: (Giggles) Oh, I love it when they make it fun... LET'S GET HIM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yang: ...Hey, check it out.

Jaune: (Sprinting across the street)

Melanie/Miltia: (Chasing after him)

Qrow: Hm... Jaune. Long time, no see.

Jaune: (Runs past him, Panting behind)

Yang: (Walks inside)

Melanie/Miltia: (Run up to them)

Qrow: Melanie, Miltiades. You got business with The Miss?

Melanie: No, we don't. We just need to talk to that cab boy behind you. That's all.

Qrow: Yeah? Well, this is The Miss's favorite driver. So, anything you gotta say to him, you can say to me.

Melanie: Is that so? Well, let me tell you something then. We're not leaving here empty-handed.

Yang: (Walks out) Then I guess you ain't leavin' at all~! (Levels shotgun)

Melanie: ...Fine. See you around. Let's go, Miltia.

Melanie/Miltia: (Leave)

Yang: (Cackling)

Jaune: Thanks...

Qrow: Least we could do.

Yang: C'mon~! Let's go say to The Miss~!

Jaune: Miss Branwen?

Qrow: Yeah. She's gonna wanna hear about this.

--------------------------------------------------

Raven: (Walks in, Sees Jaune)

Jaune: (Gulps)

Raven: (Gestures to seats, Sits down) What's your name, son?

Jaune: Jaune. Jaune Arc, ma'am.

Raven: Qrow said you ran into some trouble?

Jaune: Yes, ma'am. They smashed up my cab really good.

Yang: Malachite's girls went after him, since Jaune helped us-

Raven: (Holds up hand) And your... taxi. This is how you make your lien?

Jaune: Yes, ma'am.

Raven: ...A part of me feels responsible for what happened to you, so I'll set you up with a loan. Just enough to get your cab fixed.

Jaune: I appreciate, ma'am, but I can't accept lien without working for it.

Raven: ...Then why are we here?

Jaune: I want a shot at those bitches who wrecked my cab.

Raven: Heh... You hear that, Qrow? The boy needs my permission to get into a fight.

Qrow: Uh-huh. That's what I heard.

Raven: ...Very well, Jaune Arc. All of Malachite's miscreants hang out at a bar she owns. Yang, you know the one.

Yang: Sure do, boss.

Raven: Good. You can ride with Jaune then. There's a place right next to the bar where they park their cars. Give 'em a make-over. Send Malachite a message. She can't rough up good, honest working-class folks in MY turf without getting a black eye!

Jaune: Thank you, Miss Branwen. I won't let you down.

Raven: (Nods) ...And Jaune, when you get back, I want to have a discussion about what's next for you.

[kikyoupdates]

Girlfriend-For-Hire ⭑˚🦋⭑ 𝟶𝟺

yandere!ocs x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, yandere reverse harem, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Hoping to try something new and earn a bit of money on the side, you join an app that lets people hire you for your dating services. The idea is pretty straightforward — you pose as the client's girlfriend for a brief period of time, and in turn, you receive payment. But you didn't foresee everyone getting so attached to you, and suddenly, they're no longer satisfied with a fabricated relationship.

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Some total stranger is glaring at you as if you’ve just committed mass murder.

For obvious reasons, it’s a bit uncalled for. Here you were, minding your business and enjoying your coffee, and now, you suddenly find yourself in the middle of a messy altercation. 

“Who the fuck is she?” Nadia demands. She basically spits the words, as if the mere act of acknowledging your existence fills her with disgust. 

You’re too taken aback to respond. Callum still refuses to let go of you. In fact, he squeezes you even tighter, lips spreading into a wide grin as he utters his next words. 

“Oh, her?” Callum hums, mischief and delight seeping into his voice. “Nobody, really. Just my new girlfriend.” 

I’m sorry, what?  

Your jaw drops open, but before you can even dispute his claim, Nadia makes her thoughts on the matter abundantly clear. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!” 

She outright screams. It’s loud and shrill, and you involuntarily wince—especially since several people turn their heads to find out what the hell is going on. 

You are both shocked and mortified. Even though you haven’t yet gotten all the details, it’s obvious that Nadia doesn’t like the thought of you dating Callum. But you’re not even actually dating him, so surely once you clear up the misunderstanding, she’ll cool off, right? 

“He doesn’t mean that,” you hurry to protest. “I think he’s just messing with both of us, because—” 

“Was I talking to you, bitch?” Nadia sneers. 

Oh. 

Well, okay, then. 

You visibly deflate. It’s safe to say you weren’t expecting something like this. You’re not the most confrontational person to begin with, and even though you’d like nothing more than to tell her off, her sharp tongue deters you from trying again. 

But thankfully, Callum decides to end your suffering. 

“Whoa, chill, Nadia,” he scoffs, half-chuckling. “It was a joke, for fuck’s sake. She’s just my friend. She was obviously trying to correct you just now, but you didn’t want to hear her out. Goddamn.”

Nadia’s eyes widen, and her face turns red from shame. You hate to admit it, but after how she viciously lashed out at you, her embarrassment is a welcome sight. 

So, it looks like Callum was only joking around. Still, though. 

As far as jokes go, this one was remarkably shitty. 

“We’re seriously just friends,” Callum repeats, and much to your relief, he finally lets go of you. Then, there’s a glint of amusement in his pale eyes. “But why does it even matter? So what if I end up dating someone else? You’re the one who broke up with me. Did you already forget?” 

Holy shit. This situation is just getting more uncomfortable by the second. You honestly want to dig a hole in the ground and hide in it until this is over. 

Also, you now have a pretty good idea as to why Callum hired you.

“I’ve never seen you hang out with her even once in my entire life,” Nadia scowls. “This is why you’re an asshole. We’ve barely been broken up for a few days, and you’ve already found a rebound. It’s fucking disgusting.”

Callum blinks disinterestedly. “Can you chill out already? I already told you we’re just friends. Ask her if you don’t believe me. Besides, do you really think you know every single person I’m friends with? I’m allowed to have my own social life, you know.” 

“Oh, so you’ve been hiding the fact that you’re this close to another girl, even while we were dating? Congratulations, you basically just admitted to cheating on me.” 

You’re convinced that death would be a more merciful punishment than having to sit through the rest of this. 

“Fucking hell,” Callum sighs. He nudges you on the arm. “Hey, can you believe this shit? She’s crazy, am I right? Even though we’re broken up, she’s still acting like she owns my ass.” 

“Eat a dick, Callum,” Nadia spits. 

“But isn’t that your job?” he muses. 

“Ugh!” she screams again. “I can’t fucking stand you!” 

Just like that, she storms off, and honestly? Good riddance. You’re not sure how much more secondhand embarrassment you could have possibly stomached. 

Now that she’s gone, you can finally breathe normally again. But it’s not as if everything is just fine and dandy, and you turn towards Callum with a look of frustration. 

“What happened to only being your friend?” you ask exasperatedly. “I thought we agreed on those terms beforehand.” 

“But I told her right away that I was just joking. And I promised not to tell anyone else we’re dating or anything. I just wanted to see how she would react.” 

You frown. Granted, he didn’t try to deceive her for very long, but the whole thing still makes you feel rather icky. 

Even though you already know the answer to your question, you decide to ask it anyways. 

“So… she’s your ex-girlfriend?” you clarify.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Callum takes a sip of his coffee, then lets out a heavy sigh. “She’s fucking crazy is what she is. But I figured she would act like that. Even though she’s the one who broke up with me, she still has the nerve to get jealous and possessive. I’m sorry she was so rude to you, though. I wasn’t trying to make you her target. I figured she would only bitch me out.” 

It was definitely off-putting, to say the least, but setting Nadia’s behavior aside for the moment, you need to get to the bottom of this. 

“Am I right in assuming that you deliberately sat outside the store so that she would see us together?” you ask. 

Callum blinks a few times, and after a brief pause, he smiles. 

“I guess you’re not the type who can easily be fooled, huh? Yeah, I’ll own up to it. I know her class schedule, and she always swings by to get coffee at this hour. I was curious to see how she’d act when she saw me with another girl.” 

You had a feeling that might be the case. Which means he used you to try and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. 

You don’t really like the sound of that. 

“Was it a bad breakup?” you ask. “If you’re going out of your way to try and make her feel jealous, I’m guessing it can’t have ended on amicable terms.” 

Callum shrugs. “No worse than all the other times she broke up with me before.” 

“...I’m sorry?” 

“She does this constantly,” he says, rolling his eyes in annoyance. “I don’t know what her problem is, but she always finds something else to bitch about, and she catches me off-guard every single time. The day will be going perfectly fine, then bam—she breaks up with me again. I guess I’m starting to get pretty fed up, so I figured a bit of jealousy would make her rethink her choices.” 

You shift uncomfortably. “Uh… but wouldn’t it be better to just move on? I don’t think trying to make her feel bad is a good use of your time. It sounds exhausting. She clearly doesn’t appreciate you, so maybe you should stop giving her so many second chances.” 

“What do you mean? We’re going to get back together,” he blinks. “I doubt it’ll even take that long. A few weeks at most. I just want her to think twice about it the next time she considers breaking up with me. If she sees me hanging around you a lot, even if we’re just friends, she’ll get insecure and come back to me. She’s probably already worried that you’re going to steal me away from her.” 

“You… want to get back with her?” you gape. “But why? It doesn’t sound like either of you is happy. I realize it’s not really my business, but objectively speaking, I don’t think a relationship where you’re constantly being broken up with is in any way healthy.” 

Callum chuckles. “Don’t worry, I know.” 

“You do?” 

“Mhm. People would call what we have a toxic relationship, right?” 

You nod weakly. It sounds like he has some self-awareness, yet in spite of that, he’s actively embracing this kind of self-destructive behavior. 

Honestly, you’re not sure whether to be appalled or impressed. 

“Some people just end up together, one way or another,” he shrugs. “That’s what me and Nadia are like. We make each other crazy, but we’re still the only right match for one another. You get what I mean?” 

No. Not even a little bit. 

It’s not your place to comment on someone else’s relationship. You know that, despite all the red flags that both of them are clearly giving off. It really, really doesn’t seem like they’re happy, but they’re grown adults, at the end of the day. If they want to be together, it’s their decision to make. 

“Anyways, I just wanted to see how she’d react to hearing I had a new girlfriend, but I promise I won’t make jokes like that anymore,” Callum reassures. “All I want is for you to keep hanging out with me as a friend, so that Nadia finally gets her shit together. I don’t expect you to do anything special. Just spend time with me so that she sees us, and that’s more than enough.” 

“Do you really think she’ll want to get back with you?” you ask unsurely. “Because this might just have the opposite effect. You could end up really pissing her off and pushing her further away. I don’t know if jealousy is ever the right solution.”

“Don’t worry,” he muses. “I know Nadia, which is why I can predict exactly how this will go. All this breaking up has gotten really annoying, so I want her to realize that I’m a catch, and that if she keeps playing games, one day I might just leave her for someone else.” 

As far as you’re concerned, someone who chooses to torment their significant other instead of being compassionate and honest with them is hardly a catch. You suppose that goes for both of them, though. God. Their relationship sounds like an absolute fucking nightmare.

Still, you take a moment to assess your options. It’s true that this situation is wildly uncomfortable, but in terms of the actual job, you won’t be expected to do much. Callum has promised not to lie about you being his girlfriend again (and seriously, one more strike and he’s out), which means all you have to do is hang out with him sometimes. Of course, all of this is being done with the intention of making Nadia jealous, and while she certainly doesn’t seem like the nicest person, it still makes you feel a bit guilty. 

“I’m not sure about this,” you admit. “I’m not going to judge you, because everyone has their own stuff going on, and every relationship is different, but you’d essentially be paying me to try and make someone else feel shitty.” 

“Not shitty,” he corrects. “Jealous.” 

“Jealousy is just another variation of shitty.” 

“But it’s not like I’m doing this for fun,” he insists, even though the shit-eating grin he had earlier would suggest otherwise. “I want to put an end to her bullshit. Maybe she’ll finally mature a bit and start treating me better. It’ll be a wake-up call. So, don’t think of it as making Nadia feel bad, but think of it as helping fix a relationship.”

He smiles brightly, but after the horrible exchange you just witnessed, you have serious doubts that their relationship can ever be fixed. 

As always, your strong sense of morality poses an issue. But maybe it’s like Ava says, and you need to stop worrying about everyone else and just focus on yourself for a change. No matter what advice you try to give him, Callum is determined to get back with Nadia. He’ll do whatever it takes to make it possible, with or without your involvement.

It’s just hanging out as friends. Ultimately, that’s all you’re doing. You’re not going to be cruel to Nadia, or even antagonize her. You’ll just mind your own business and be a good sport. Whatever happens happens. 

Everyone makes a living one way or another, so why should you feel ashamed about how you make yours? 

“Fine,” you concede, and Callum perks up immediately, just short of letting out a cheer. “But like we agreed on before, we’re just hanging out as friends. You’re not allowed to lie to people and tell them I’m your girlfriend. I get that earlier was just a joke, but if it happens again, I’m not going to keep doing this. Alright?” 

“That sounds totally fair,” he agrees. 

“Okay. Then I guess I’m on board. I hope whatever’s going on with you two, it all works out in the end.”

Callum turns away from you.

“Don’t worry,” he mumbles, staring dead-eyed off into space. “I’ll make sure it does.” 

Since Callum already paid for your time today, you spent the rest of it by finishing up your coffee and grabbing a bite to eat. You took your meals to-go and sat down in the grass, enjoying the sunshine. It was kind of fun, you have to admit. Like a little picnic. 

You’re not quite sure what to make of Callum. He deceived you, admittedly, but he’s been pretty transparent from that moment onwards. He said he wasn’t really sure how to breach the topic of making his ex jealous over the app, and figured it would be better explained in person. To some extent, that is true, but you still wish he would have been fully honest from the start. 

But all in all, there’s not much room for confusion. Your job is incredibly simple—you just have to spend time with him every now and then, ideally in places where Nadia can see the two of you together publicly, and you’ll be paid for it. 

Perhaps the twinge of guilt you feel is necessary, because without it, you pretty much are getting paid to do basically nothing.

Well, you can’t really complain. Most people in your position probably wouldn’t either.

“Damn, time to go already?” Callum whines. “That sucks. I was hoping we could hang out some more. But I guess we both have classes now.” 

“It’s not like we won’t be seeing each other again. But yeah, this was fun. Apart from when your ex-girlfriend called me a bitch,” you add.

“Sorry again about that. She’s batshit insane.” 

Thus far, you have yet to hear him say a single positive thing about Nadia, and based on what you saw, she didn’t have particularly glowing reviews of him either. 

If that’s how they treat each other when people are watching, what kind of things must they say when no one else is around? 

You shudder at the thought.

But whatever. As far as friends go, Callum is chill, and it’s to know that he’s not expecting anything more. Setting aside his relationship problems, he seems like a pretty fun, easygoing guy.

“Do you go to parties on campus?” Callum asks. He stands up from the grass and dusts his pants off. “I was thinking that’d be a great place for us to hang out. Nadia will either be there, or she’ll hear that we were together from one of her nosy friends. Plus, I can introduce you to some cool guys I know. A couple of them are single, if you’re interested. Oh, but would you even be okay to date? Since you’re doing this job and all.”

“Probably not,” you admit. “I doubt my partner would feel comfortable knowing that I’m pretending to be someone else’s girlfriend. Once I get into a relationship, I won’t be doing this anymore. But it’s fine, since I’m not really looking to date right now. I just wanted to try something new.” 

“Well, you must be doing a good job, because it says you’ve got a five-star rating,” Callum grins, holding up his phone.

You blush. “Um… thanks. I’ve only had one other client so far, but he seemed happy, so I guess there’s that.”

“I’m guessing you actually pretended to be his girlfriend? What was that like?” 

“It was fine. I can’t get into personal details, but he had some family-related issues, and it seemed like having me around helped.” 

“That’s nice. I wasn’t sure what to think of this app at the start, but I’d say it worked out for the best. I can see us being actual friends, to be honest.” 

“But when you eventually get back with your ex, won’t that complicate things? Because I’m pretty sure she already hates my guts.” 

“Oh. Right.” 

Looks like he didn’t think things through that far, and it’s kind of cute how disappointed he seems all of a sudden. He’s actually pouting.

“We’ll figure it out,” he says, waving his hand dismissively. “Nadia will calm down at some point. Probably.” 

I highly doubt that.

For obvious reasons, it seems like your friendship with Callum is already destined to be short-lived, but it’s fine. You’ll enjoy it while it lasts. You have to admit, it does feel good putting yourself out there every now and then. You should thank Ava for helping you work up the nerve in the first place.

“I’m headed that way,” you point, “so it looks like we’re splitting up here. But it was nice getting to know you. I had fun, and I hope you did too.” 

“Sure did,” Callum hums. “Hold up one second. I’ll transfer the money right now.” 

You receive your payment, which concludes yet another job. Although this job has technically just started. You wonder how long it’ll take for Nadia to get back with him. Callum sounds awfully confident about it, but you’re not so sure. 

You suppose you’ll just have to wait and see. 

“Bye, [Name],” Callum waves. “See you soon!”

“See you around,” you nod, and soon enough, you both go your separate ways. 

It’s actually a good thing you got to chill with Callum for a bit, because unfortunately, you’re about to head into your absolute least favorite class. The professor is a real hard-ass and does a terrible job of teaching the course content, not to mention how difficult his assignments are. Everyone taking the class is miserable, and it shows. 

When you step inside the lecture hall, however, the atmosphere feels especially depressing. 

“Take your seats,” the professor barks. You’re one of the last few to enter the room, and you hurry towards the closest unoccupied spot. 

It doesn’t take long to figure out why everyone looks like they want to die. 

“I want to hurry up and get started with this, because it’s going to take up a lot of time,” the professor says. He paces back and forth, and your eyes widen as you finally take note of the powerpoint being displayed on the projection screen.

Oh, please no. Don’t do this to us. 

“I’m assigning a project that will make up a big chunk of your final grade,” he goes on to state. “I have already paired students up, so no, you will not be allowed to work with a friend. Each pair has also been assigned a research project at random. I’ve found that it’s far too difficult to make everyone happy, and the process of approving project ideas is a pain in itself, so you will be given pre-approved topics and they are not subject to change.” 

For fuck’s sake. Not only are you not allowed to pick partners, but you don’t even get to pick your own research topic either? You can already tell this is going to massively suck ass.

The professor changes the powerpoint slide, then gestures towards the screen. “There you go. Take a good look, because I’ve listed everyone’s partners up there, as well as what topic you’ve been assigned. Like I said, this is going to be a very demanding project worth a lot of your grade, so it’s in your best interest to get started as soon as possible. You will not be able to finish in time if you leave it until the last minute.” 

You sigh tiredly. People are letting out quiet, resigned groans left and right. By the looks of things, no one’s gotten lucky enough to be paired up with a friend. The professor probably went out of his way to pair up people who don’t normally sit next to each other in class. 

Anyways, it sounds like you’ll be working with some guy named Theo. Needless to say, you have no clue who he is, since you hardly interact with anyone in this class. You’re too busy trying to keep up with the ridiculous workload. 

Also, is it just your imagination, or did you somehow end up with what sounds like the hardest topic of all? 

Knowing your luck, it probably is. 

“Take a moment to get acquainted with your partner,” the professor instructs. “I’ll give everyone some time to exchange contact information and whatever else is necessary. But move quickly, because I’d like to move onto explaining the project outline. Let’s not drag our feet, people.” 

The whole class collectively groans again, and after a moment’s delay, everyone stands up from their seats and moves around the room trying to figure out who they’ve ended up with. 

“I’m looking for Theo,” you call out, raising your hand to be better seen. “Does anyone know who Theo is?” 

No one responds. It looks like some of the other students, the more vocal ones, have already found their partners, but yours seems to be nowhere in sight. 

Balls. Is he absent today? That would make things a hell of a lot more troublesome.

You keep calling out his name, and slowly but surely, the crowd of students begins to dwindle. Having met up with their partners, students sit down and start getting acquainted. 

Just as you’re about to give up, someone approaches you from behind. 

“Um… excuse me. S-Sorry. I’m… Theo.” 

You turn around to face your partner, who regretfully, seems to be making a conscious effort not to look you in the eye. 

“Oh, you’re Theo?” you say, offering a quick smile. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m [Name]. Is it just me, or does our research topic sound like it’s going to be a massive pain?”

Theo doesn’t answer. He barely even gives a begrudging nod, then without further explanation, walks away from you and sits down.

This is already off to a great start. 

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