#and they’re often wrong or just skip sentences or add new ones

[leftmysoulbythesideoftheroad]

who writes peacock subtitles? i want to say it’s clearly someone who can’t hear, but at least deaf/hoh people can usually read lips. how does “feel better” get turned into “bye-bye”? and i swear sometimes the subtitles say “thank you” only because you would expect the character to say that. like whoever’s writing them is an annoying mom reminding you to thank your aunt for your birthday present

[cockadilf]

Reasons I hate TikTok, a growing list (I use TikTok every day despite this)

1. I hate how the comment section has a word limit which leads to my comments having to be in like 5 parts per sentence.

2. I hate how replies to comments aren’t listed chronologically, so when I do have to make my comments in 5 parts, they aren’t listed in proper order.

3. I hate those TikTok’s that use the nasally voice filter. So many use this filter and I hate that voice so much.

4. I hate when influencers use makeup filters for no reason. It’s fine when there’s a purpose, like playing different characters in skits, but if someone’s just on there to talk about their day and they’re using a makeup filter, that bugs me so much.

5. I hate TikTok ads. I hate all of them but especially the ones where an influencer hops on to say “Guys I got the viral notebook!” Or whatever and then it’s the cheapest ugliest piece of junk I’ve ever seen in my life.

6. I hate how TikTok has people saying “delulu” and “acoustic” with no sense of self awareness of how stupid, unfunny, and harmful those terms are.

7. I hate when every comment of a TikTok video are people saying the same thing, which is “This is definitely word-you’ve-never-heard-in-your-life.” Everyone in the comments section acts like it’s common knowledge when it’s obvious they’re just repeating what another commenter said. Seriously the comments on TikTok always read like 14-year-olds wrote them. And half the time whatever it is they’re calling it is completely wrong.

8. I hate those duets that people do where they take a TikTok video of a skit or whatever and then next to it have random asmr satisfying slime footage or whatever. It’s obvious they’re trying to get away with reposting other people’s content, and yet TikTok often pushes those videos in front of me instead of the originals.

9. I hate Reddit stories with Minecraft footage overlayed on them, which use ai voices. This is everywhere on YouTube though so it’s not really TikTok’s fault. Except for how on YouTube I can easily avoid them when TikTok pushes them on my feed all the time.

10. I hate how so many videos are split up into multiple parts, sometimes up to 10, and most of the parts add nothing of value. So at this point I just skip to the end of the video to see if they finished the cake or whatever and keep scrolling if it’s not done.

11. I hate how there’s no easy way to block people on TikTok. You have to go through multiple menus to do it, and it’s not intuitive to find. It sucks.

12. I hate TikTok lives. All of them in general but especially the ones that are people playing snake, people playing that weird version of Tetris, and people asking the comments section to solve a stupid riddle.

13. I hate on TikTok lives when the creator says they’ll do or reveal something if just one more person follows, and then continue to say that even after 20 new people follow. It’s never getting resolved.

14. I hate how easy it is to accidentally end up in TikTok lives section.

15. I hate how addicting TikTok is. I’ll go on for 5 minutes and suddenly 3 hours have passed. And I don’t even like most of the content!

16. I hate how TikTok seems to push the videos I comment on to my mutuals, so oftentimes they’ll see my comments. I hate that. My comments are meant to fall into the void, I don’t want people I care about them to actually see them!

[vrishchikawrites]

I suck at writing dialogue.

Any advice, senpai?

Ok *rolls up sleeves* I have 10 tips!

1. Give characters individual vocal characteristics.

2. People don't write and speak in the same way.

3. Read the sentence in one breath.

4. Think about what the character would say and wouldn't say.

5. Characters interact differently with different people.

6. Use Dialogue to show what's happening and people's opinions on it.

7. Mind the dialogue tags.

8. Avoid cliche phrases.

9. Avoid saying obvious things.

10. People often don't respond logically or answer questions.

I've elaborated everything below and cut for length.

1. Give characters individual vocal characteristics.

LWJ has his famous 'mn' and I tend to use 'aiya' with WWX to showcase his casual manner of speaking. Nailing character voices at first is important to create natural dialogue. Clear vocal characteristics help readers identify one person from another, especially if you don't want to overuse identifiers like names or pronouns.

2. People don't write and speak in the same way.

People will sometimes skip articles, forego a few grammar rules, and will almost always shorten words and sentences wherever possible. Instead of saying, 'I'm hungry, I want to eat' most people will say, 'I'm hungry, want to eat' Remove all unnecessary words from the dialogue as much as possible, even if the character is considered talkative.

Use italics if you want to emphasize, ellipses to highlight pauses and indicate hesitation, dashes to also highlight sharper pauses. Use them instead of saying words to describe the situation.

3. Read the sentence in one breath.

When you finish writing the dialogue, read it out loud to see if you can say it in one breath. If not, add a pause or a full stop at appropriate places.

4. Think about what the character would say and wouldn't say.

LWJ speaks very efficiently. He always makes his point without speaking too many words. You wanna condense such a character's sentences as much as possible - without making him sound robotic because afaik, he doesn't sound stiff and robotic in Chinese (i may be wrong). WWX, on the other hand, is liberal with his speech but he's not verbose. To me, he doesn't say unnecessary words either, he just tends to elaborate more than LWJ does.

Before you create dialogue for any character, you'll need to understand what is characteristic and uncharacteristic for a person to say.

5. Characters interact differently with different people.

A person's tone will change based on who they're talking to. WWX will be more open and playful with LWJ, he'll take on a more mature edge when interacting with the juniors, he'll be distant and respectful with LXC, and distant but with an edge of sharpness with LQR.

Examples from the first chapter of Trapped and Patient

With WQ - "This is madness." He protests, "You're giving me too much credit!" With a stranger - Wei Wuxian taps on the table, smiling at the notes as the wine bottle is placed in front of him, "My friend, does that man come here often?"

With JYL - “Shijie! You know how restless I get,” His voice is cheerful, “What can I do here? I’m just sitting on my hands and languishing while everyone else is out there, preparing for war-”

With Sect Leader Yu - Wei Wuxian frowns, “Very well, I’d like to personally speak with them before I accept any sort of offer.”

With LXC - “I will tell you all, of course.” He assures and looks around, “I heard a few rumors and decided to offer my services to you and Chifeng-zun.”

With LWJ - "Lan Zhan! Lan er-gongzi!" He greets, elated, "I missed you!"

Everyone's tone changes based on who they're addressing and what kind of situation they are in.

6. Use Dialogue to show what's happening and people's opinions on it.

In T&P - Ch - 2 - WWX and LQR have a conversation and WWX says this:

He glances at Lan Qiren, “You have been in my position before, Elder Lan, was it a privilege?”

With it, WWX is able to explain his position in a way that is relatable to LQR, establish a connection with LQR, and lay the foundation for their relationship down the line.

LQR's response is an indication of acceptance and truce. It is also a conversation between adults instead of an elder and a teenager. If I played my cards right, I have showcased that LQR's perspective has shifted and WWX has grown enough and is cautious of his new position to take LQR seriously like he didn't before.

“Good. It is past time you live up to your potential, Wei Wuxian.”

Dialogue can establish the foundation of relationships better than paragraphs worth of description can and it does it in a way that is more personal.

7. Mind the dialogue tags.

He said, she said, etc, are sometimes necessary and sometimes they're not. If you can clearly identify the speaker, there's no need to add the tag. If the conversation is a rapid-fire exchange of words between two parties, you can forgo tags entirely.

He grins sheepishly, “I seek advice from you against his wishes, Zewu-jun. Forgive me for being a bit anxious.”

Lan Xichen waves his hand, “We’re both older brothers, are we not?

“Tell me about your new cultivation. It is remarkable.” There’s genuine interest in Lan Xichen's voice, “Where did you come up with the idea?”

“You’ll laugh,” Wei Wuxian says-

This dialogue uses the tag 'WWX says' only once and the rest of the conversation doesn't have it. Be conscious of the tags and where you use them.

8. Avoid cliche phrases.

Few things pull a reader away from a story than cliche phrases that people will rarely utter in their life. An exchange like this - "Why are you doing this?" - "Because I love you, damnit!" has become too common and isn't as effective as it used to be, especially when a character is confessing for the first time.

Best way to avoid cliche or cringy dialogue is to read the sentence out loud and consider whether it sounds natural.

9. Avoid saying obvious things.

If you've already written a paragraph on how eerily quiet a forest is, there's no need for a character to say - "It is quiet here isn't it?" Especially if the character is someone like WWX or LWJ, who are naturally observant. Don't let your character explain everything you have already described in text unless they need to explain it to someone.

10. People often don't respond logically or answer questions directly.

People tend to not answer questions directly. Even in serious conversations, they'll go about it a round-about way.

Wei Ying is silent for a while before he laughs softly, "Aiya, Lan Zhan, I already know what you wish to ask." Wangji waits patiently for permission and Wei Ying huffs and nods, "Yes, you may."

"What did you eat?"

Wei Ying picks up Wangji's hands and presses a gentle kiss on them, lacing their fingers together. He lingers for a moment before sighing, "My Hanguang-jun doesn't deserve to hear of such grim things."

Wangji curls his fingers because that might as be a confirmation. His heart breaks for his beloved and he closes his eyes, "Your husband wishes to know, Wei Ying."

"Mostly some small critters, Lan Zhan," he admits, "Sometimes I'd dig up roots of trees. They were softer and easier to consume. I managed to catch a few birds. Bugs, earthworms, maggots, crickets- they were plentiful.

WWX doesn't give a straightforward reply without LWJ coaxing things out of him. Characters lie, deflect, evade, blurt out excuses. LWJ consciously doesn't interrupt people but it is natural for people to interrupt each other's conversations too. Sometimes people will take a frustratingly long time to get to the point. You need to incorporate that.

"Hanguang-jun, surely you understand! Our village has faced draught ever since these children arrived and we finally know why! The Gods are displeased with us!"

Wangji looks at the children, feeling a stir of concern at their wan faces. They've already been beaten black and blue by angry villagers.

"I'll be taking the children," Wangji looks at his husband in surprise but doesn't voice any objections. It is rare for Wangji to deny his husband anything these days and Wei Ying's desires are often simple things, easy to fulfill with the greatest pleasure.

No one directly replies to the person who has spoken. That's also a common thing. Every question or comment doesn't need reciprocation to carry dialogue.

Of course, this is my amateur attempt. I would also recommend doing some online research. Hope this helps?

[progressivedreamings]

Roommates au for Kiribaku

It ended up being longer than I assumed but I hope you’ll like it! 

"Yo!"

It's 5:48 AM on a Tuesday, and Kirishima is waving with an energetic grin at his doorstep, with a big red suitcase right next to him.

"What the fuck?" Bakugou reacts expectedly, glaring daggers into his best friends face while the offending redhead does not deter at all, walking past him into his house.

"What the fuck?" Bakugou repeats again, with less venom but more shock, as he watches the other drag his suitcase into the middle of his living room and yawn. The door closes itself.

Kirishima Eijirou, Red Riot, a hero who sits number 7 at the Hero Charts. Surprisingly the only hero in the charts who works in Kansai, even though he's not from there. 

"Why the fuck are you here?" Despite his angry appearance, Bakugou doesn't have any actual power behind his words, already surrendered to whatever Kirishima had decided before showing up here. 

Kirishima explains that he's in Tokyo for a long term job, one that they needed his defensive skills. He adds a bit shyly that he doesn't think he can be that much help, and if they wanted defence, there are other heroes who could do just as much if not more. 

Bakugou grunts. Number 7, and yet he still laughs as he speaks such non-fucking-sense. "That doesn't answer my question." He decides to say instead - he'll beat it into Kirishima's head later that he's one of the best out there. "Why are you /here/?" He asks again instead. 

Kirishima laughs embarrassedly. Bakugou feels his chest tighten. He had forgotten how bright Kirishima was.

"I don't have another place to go so I thought I'd crash at yours. It's fine, right?"

Of-fucking-course it's fine, even if Bakugou initially seemed against the idea, it's not like he didn't miss Kirishima. It's been two years since the other moved to Osaka after the Osaka-Incident, an appearance of a villain gang that the Kansai heroes had a tough time restraining. Red Riot volunteered himself to help, as "There are already many top heroes in Tokyo. I want to be where I'm needed." 

It actually inspired more heroes to work in smaller cities, at the same time, villain activity increased in those places. Something about balance, Bakugou guessed. Still, he hated that it took away his best friend from him, not that he ever said anything about it.

And now, said best friend stood not that far away from him, stretching his back and already making himself at home. "So, where's my room? I'm beat." 

Just like that, they begin to live together, already used to each other's routines from their dorm days. 

Bakugou wakes up at 7 am, has the bathroom to himself until 8 am while Kirishima is still asleep enjoying his dreamland. He wakes up around the same time the door bangs close. 

9 AM Kirishima wakes up with the sound of Bakugou leaving home,  in the kitchen, there's already breakfast waiting for him.  

They begin to send more texts to each other. "What time will you be home?" "I'll eat out tonight." "I'm shopping, need anything?" 

Kirishima comes home early and takes over the cleaning duties. He can't cook well, so the first few attempts of him taking over the dinner are met with a highly unimpressed gaze. 

Kirishima blushes and mutters "We can order pizza or something." Bakugou bites into his tasteless katsu-curry (how do you make curry with no taste). "It's fine, let's eat."

Bakugou, on the other hand, makes food like a 5-star restaurant. Kirishima always asks for seconds and looks like he's in heaven. 

More often than not, Bakugou finds himself staring at Kirishima those times. He has a soft smile on his lips, his eyes curved gently and a low appreciating hum that makes Bakugou's heart beat faster. He won't ever admit it, but he wants to see that expression more often. 

Happiness looks good on Kirishima.

There are times where one of them come home with injuries. 

A secret understanding between them helps create a new routine that mends them physically and mentally, a silent agreement for what the other needs.

Kirishima needs validation. That he did his best. That he'll be fine. He needs Bakugou to be softer around the edges, so that's what he does. "I saw on the news. They're fucking lucky you were there." Bakugou says nonchalantly, but Kirishima knows the feeling behind those words and feels warmth embrace his broken heart and begin to heal slowly. 

Bakugou, on the other hand, needs confirmation. He needs to know everything is fine, that he managed to protect and save. He needs to see that nothing changed. Kirishima welcomes him home and becomes his anchor with eased practice. Puts on a movie and lets Bakugou stare at him the whole time, so the other can make sure Kirishima is safe. 

They both dance around the fact that they need each other the most. 

Bakugou goes to bed early, even on nights where Kirishima asks him to join when they go out with the "Bakusquad". For good old times, he says, and Bakugou rejects. 

He thinks with him there, the 'old friends' won't be as comfortable. After all, all he does is yell and get angry and insult. His only redeeming quality lately is that he's a fucking good hero. One of the best, even if he's only number two. 

So Kirishima calls them over instead. Texts Bakugou: "I called the squad over so make sure we have enough food for 6, thanks!"

It's a text so Bakugou's curse words as a reply aren't as effective.

Still, when they arrive, there's enough food for 6 and a dejected-looking explosive murder god. 

Despite all his worries, the others are just as friendly as they were in high-school, teasing him for his grumpiness. Kaminari scolds Bakugou for never calling him. "Don't make us miss you, man. At least answer my calls from time to time."

They all know Bakugou yells when he's embarrassed so his expected "Shut up idiot face!" doesn't faze anyone. Kirishima looks at Bakugou warmly.

Bakugou catches his gaze and feels his heart skip a beat.

Why he looked at him so softly, like he's seeing through him (he probably is), like he appreciates him (he probably does). Bakugou doesn't think he deserves Kirishima, but he'll take it selfishly anyway. 

The others brought alcohol, because what's better than drinking and reminiscing on a weekend with old friends- especially now that Kirishima is back with them.

That's smart, getting drunk. 

The previous sentence was sarcasm, because the more Bakugou drinks, the more he finds he can't control his gaze away from the red-haired menace.

Who by the way looked brighter and brighter the more he looked at him, with an attractive blush on his cheeks. His eyes had a certain spark in them that Bakugou knew which meant Kirishima was having fun. His smile and laughter loud. 

The alcohol made it much harder to chain down the route his thoughts inclined to go. His heart acted individually, opposed to all the self rules he's inflicted on himself. 

'Ah,' Bakugou thought. 'I want to kiss him.' 

Their eyes met. In the background, Sero is arguing with Kaminari while Jirou is filming their pseudo fight about which retro hero would be number one if they were working at their best now. 

Ashido is loud, but Bakugou can't make out what she's yelling about. Something about 'Deku can win against them anyway!'. It's probably a good thing he's not paying any attention.

Kirishima looks surprised for a second but then flashes him /that/ smile. Which makes Bakugou sick to his stomach, because that's his best friend.

If he knew what Bakugou was thinking, he'd probably want to move out immediately, wouldn't he? 

And so Bakugou learns to keep his feelings secret, while it grows within his walls of self-protection. Kirishima, oblivious to Bakugou's inner turmoil, continues to be himself, supportive and kind.

Until...

"What the fuck are you doing, shitty hair?" "Oh! I think I found a good apartment near the agency."

There's good news and bad news. Good news is that Kirishima decides to move back to Tokyo. The villain gang in Osaka is already defeated. There is actually a hero team rising in the charts that he can depend on to take care of Kansai instead. He will go back if necessary but after these few months in Tokyo, he's assigned a much more important role, and the issue doesn't seem like it will go away soon.

The bad news is that because he's thinking of permanently moving back, "I don't want to impose any longer! I'm sure you want your old lifestyle back!"

The idiot couldn't be more wrong, but it's not like Bakugou can confess to it. 

Still, it doesn't stop him from angrily leaving the house by exclaiming he has work to do. "Do whatever the fuck you want."

The week Kirishima is house hunting, he's also facing many backlashes from Bakugou, and he can't figure out why the hell his best friend is so angry. 

And he should, right? He's his best friend. Even if they weren't near each other for these past two years, they managed to pick up from where they left, see through each other's lies and pain. Kirishima couldn't ask anyone for any advice because he should know Bakugou the best. He should be able to understand why Bakugou is suddenly so angry with him to the point that he hardly speaks at dinner anymore.

Then strange things begin to happen. Every house he manages to somewhat find, calls him back to say they received a better offer, or they changed their mind. Suddenly he can't find a place to move into. 

Kaminari has a friend who's renting out his apartment, so he offers to help Kirishima out. "That'll be great, thanks!"

That night he talks to Bakugou, "I think I finally found a place." He laughs. Bakugou frowns deeper. 

Ah, this is bad. He can't hold it back anymore.

"Do you want to leave that much?" He asks angrily as if he's blaming Kirishima, and perhaps he is. It's definitely his fault that his heart aches in ways that he's never felt pain. 

"Katsuki... Do you... not want me to leave?" Kirishima finally sees through the mask of indifference. Bakugou hates the expression on his face, can tell his friend is already understanding more than Bakugou was willing to let him know.

"Took you long enough to figure it out, you fucking idiot," he yells instead, voice just as explosive as his quirk. 

And there's the question waiting to be asked, at the tip of Kirishima's tongue. Because he'd want to know, wouldn't he? Why wouldn't Bakugou want Kirishima out, even if they were best friends, he'd want his freedom back, wouldn't he? Shouldn't he? 

There's silence and neither of them wants to break it. Bakugou because he knows he'll say too much if he opens his mouth. Kirishima because he knows Bakugou will close up if he's the first one to speak. And out of the two of them, one had much less patience than the other. 

So he breaks.

"Because I fucking need you here."

Need. 

"Because I'm fucking lonely when you're not here." 

Want.

"Because even if it's impossible for you to feel the same way, I..."

He, what?

Bakugou is red with fury, embarrassment and something deeper that Kirishima can't put a finger on. His heartbeat is loud in his ears that every other noise other than Bakugou's is irrelevant. 

"Feel what way?" Kirishima asks, demanding, his hands shaking. There's that light in his eyes again, hopeful and determined. Bakugou can't take his eyes away. 

The silence stretches. Bakugou's anger slowly dies out the longer he meets Kirishima's gaze. Finally, they are honest with each other.

"I'm not going to fucking confess."

"You can kiss me though, right?"

Another grunt and Bakugou pulls Kirishima in, the spark in his hand meeting the instinctively hardening skin on his neck. Another type of explosion that Bakugou never knew takes over the fluttering in his chest, taking over his heart as their lips meet. Forceful, demanding, daring. 

"You're not fucking going anywhere."

It's not like the living room didn't already have figurines of Crimson Riot, a punching bag, the bathroom already dominated by both their presence. The guest room already decorated by all Kirishima's furniture. It was already 'their' house, in every small place Kirishima left his impact on.

"In that case, I'll leave the rent to you." Kirishima jokes breathlessly after their kiss - as manly as kisses go, he had to give the first prize to Bakugou- the blonde knew how to kiss. Then again he was biased.

"No fucking way, in fact, you're paying half the bills from now on." 

With a smirk, he waves to Kirishima, turning his back on him to go to the kitchen to clean the dishes or something.

"Eeeeehhhhhh." Kirishima whines, but there's a soft smile on his face.

After all, he's always known he loved Bakugou. And if it took them more than 7 years to come here, 2 of which they were separated... He'd just have to make up for all the lost years where Bakugou had to get in contact with his own feelings.

It will be worth the wait. 

[writersrealmbts]

Beary Scary

Description: Hybrid!Namjoon x reader: Namjoon is out party hopping for halloween with his friends when he meets his mate, and she’s dressed like his hybrid species. 

Angst/Fluff

Posted: 10/28/2019

Tags: Hybrid au, Hybrid Namjoon, 

Wordcount: 4,105

A/N: So, I did something a little different with this one, but I really hope you like it!

Namjoon laughed as he followed his friends into the next party, wondering how they somehow knew everyone around here. They were dressed as zombies because it was "easiest" and because Taehyung had wanted to practice the stage makeup he'd been learning. He didn't even mind his friends pointing out that he was a zombie-bear. He was a hybrid, the bad jokes were normal, especially among his friends.

The exceptions to their group of zombies were Yoongi and Seokjin. Yoongi was a ghoul, his pale complexion usefully emphasizing the darker areas of his face. And Jin was a werewolf, which wasn't actually that far off since he was a wolf-hybrid.

This new party was a little more mellow and jolly than the last one, less grinding and more goofy antics. There was one couple, dressed in forties attire, swing dancing to Monster Mash and immediately capturing the interest of the drunk dancers in Namjoon’s friend group.

He went to the snack table, grabbing a couple "caterpillars" and popping one in his mouth. This place was one of Jin's friends, and the one Jin had been most excited about. In the next room, Halloween themed Disney cartoons were playing, and others were playing some homemade Halloween game and seeming to have fun.

He laughed to himself as someone dressed in a cute bear costume came backing out of the cartoon room, tripping slightly but laughing.

Then he smelled her.

He swallowed hard, his feet taking him to her side before he could really think it through.

She shrieked a bit when she finally noticed him, then was crouched on the floor with a hand over her heart. “Dear God, sorry, shit. You scared me.”

“S-sorry, um, sorry,” He offered her his hand.

She took it, and he felt his whole body tingling at her touch. She looked his costume over with a smile. “Cute! A zombie bear!”

He was pretty sure Tae would die if he heard his work called cute, but he smiled a little. “I, uh, I really like your costume.”

She glanced down at it, as if unsure of what she was wearing, then looked up with wide eyes. “This isn’t offensive, is it?!”

He laughed a little. “No, it’s cute! Really, really cute.” He looked at his feet shyly.

She giggled a little, and he thought he might die. Did she really just get cuter? “You’re Jin’s friend, right?”

“Oh, yeah, you know hyung?” He was a little surprised. He’d thought he’d met almost all of Jin’s limited friend circle. Usually strangers were Tae’s, Jimin’s, or Hoseok’s friends.

“Uh, yeah, this is my place. We’re both in the play that’s coming up,” She explained, smiling the whole time.

“Y/n!” Jin came over, throwing an arm around her shoulders, obviously a little past tipsy. “That punch is a work of art.”

“Thanks, you made it,” She said grinning.

“I did?” He looked truly surprised. “When?”

“Earlier today, you came over, mixed all of the liquids and told me what to add and when. I only deviated once from your very detailed instructions.”

“Oh yeah,” He breathed, then noticed Namjoon. “Namjoonie! You’ve met Y/n! She’s the romantic lead in the play I’m starring in!”

“I’m preparing to be the most hated girl on campus,” She laughed out, shoving Jin off. “He’s already got a huge fanclub and guys are never as fanatical about theater as girls are.”

“Doesn’t Namjoon’s makeup look good? Taehyung did all of us! Isn’t he scary?!”

She rolled her eyes, meeting Namjoon’s afterward with a smirk. “Yes, Jin-oppa, beary scary.”

Namjoon choked on his cup of punch.

Jin cracked up. “That was a beary good pun!”

“Thank you beary much,” She replied without missing a beat. Definitely sober.

“You’re beary welcome,” He giggled out, petting her head. “Cute.”

Namjoon really hoped his hyung would pass out or leave or something before he had to threaten murder for all the bear puns.

Thankfully, Jimin came to drag him off because of something or other that Jin needed to see or experience or something.

She was shaking her head, meeting Namjoon’s gaze again. “Sorry, I just had to see how punny he gets when he’s drunk.”

“It’s okay,” He said, finding that he was grinning still. “Um, so…uh….”

“You’re majoring in music production and philosophy, right?” She asked, smoothing over his stutters like they never happened.

He needed a stronger drink if he was going to continue looking at how cute she was. She was a bear, for pete’s sake. A cute bear, with cute ears, and a cute tail, and her makeup was just so…cute! “Yeah, yes, yes.”

She nodded slowly, seeming a little more amused. “So, do you not talk to women often?”

“I do, really, um,” He cleared his throat and glanced around, “It’s just….”

“Just?” She prompted, cutely confused.

God, he needed a different descriptor. But his mind seemed stuck on how adorable she was. Oh.

“Just…that…um…do you…know anything about…hybrid’s mates?” He finally ventured to ask, nervous about how she would react.

She looked thoughtful. “Yeah, they can tell by scent alone most of the time. Jin talks about it. Why? Is yours here?!” She looked excited for him.

He found himself nodding, despite knowing that he actually needed to verbalize his answer and tell her it was her.

“That’s awesome! Who?!” She was grinning, hands tucked into the adorable bear paws at the ends of her sleeves. Her eyes sparkled in the lights all around the party. Her eyeliner was different on each eye, just slightly, but still different.

Namjoon swallowed hard, looking over the face of his…maybe-mate. “Um…well…it’s kind of….”

Her smile faded with concern, head tilting adorably. “Namjoon-ssi? What’s wrong?”

He looked away, toward his friends, who were drunkenly dancing with each other, then back to her.

She looked worried about him. “Do you need some water? I’ll go get you some water.” She hurried toward the kitchen and he didn’t have it in him to object.

He groaned softly to himself, a little growl to the groan as well. He turned and waved down Seokjin, who hurried over looking worried.

“What’s wrong?” Jin asked, looking more sober now.

“Hyung, I can’t tell her! We need to leave!”

“Whoa, tell who what? Y/n?”

“Yes, y/n,” Namjoon replied partially, dropping his head to the elder’s shoulder. “She’s my mate, hyung. I knew it the moment I smelled her, but it isn’t the same for humans. And she’s so damn adorable that I can’t even get a complete sentence out! Please can we leave?”

The wolf-hybrid sighed, carefully petting Namjoon’s head. “If that’s what you really want,” He finally replied quietly.

“Hey, here’s that water,” Y/n said as she came back with a cup of water.

Namjoon forced a smile, taking it and sipping. “Uh, we’re gonna go. I’m…I’m not feeling too well.”

“Oh, okay. Feel better,” She said, her gaze drifting to the food table in worry. “Oh god, I hope it wasn’t the food.”

“No! It wasn’t your food, at least,” Namjoon quickly said, unable to handle seeing her somewhat distressed.

She seemed somewhat relieved. “Alright, well, I hope you feel better, Namjoon-ssi. Seokjin-oppa, do you want me to round up your friends?”

Jin nodded. “I’m going to take Joonie outside.”

She nodded again, waving to Namjoon before heading toward the dance floor and pulling aside Taehyung.

Namjoon couldn’t tear his gaze away until she was out of sight and he was outside, gulping in the crisp night air.

Jin was stroking his hair comfortingly. “It’s okay, Joon-ah. At least now that you know, you can slowly introduce yourself into her life. It’ll be okay.”

Namjoon just let out a distressed sound, letting the older wrap him in a hug.

Yoongi was the first to come out. “What happened? That was the least stressful party yet?” He muttered, obviously drunk.

“Namjoon isn’t feeling well. Where are the others?”

“They’re coming. Jungkook was trying to get someone’s number. Why didn’t you tell us that your friend was so cute, hyung? And how come we haven’t met her before today?” Hoseok asked, grinning as he leaned on Yoongi.

Namjoon heard his teeth clacking before he could register that he was going to do it, and intermittently letting out low moans of distress.

Seokjin quickly pulled Namjoon back to him, rubbing his head. “Shush, Hope-ah. Namjoon’s not well.”

“Sorry, hyung, we tried to rush Jungkook, but you know how he is,” Taehyung chirped as he skipped out.

Jimin was behind Jungkook, making sure the youngest didn’t turn back.

Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut.

“Fine. Let’s get Joon back to the house before he has a meltdown,” Jin said, looking to Yoongi for support.

Yoongi nodded. “Come on, brats. All or none, right? You can watch a movie and stuff yourselves on the Halloween candy I got.”

“Yay!” Taehyung cheered, hopping and then skipping along.

Namjoon felt worse. Making his friends leave the party just because he was a coward.

Jin didn’t leave his side for long. It was sort of a pact they’d made since they were the only hybrids in their group. They stuck with each other. Normally, it was Namjoon helping the elder since Jin was more emotional and tended to get himself hurt more. Overworked himself.

The others helped too, but having another hybrid help when distressed was definitely more comforting. They knew the ticks and tricks to help the other through whatever issue was there.

Which was how Namjoon ended up spending the night beside Jin, getting pets and comfort until he fell asleep.

The next day was actually Halloween.

“Man, am I feeling last night,” Yoongi grumbled, mostly to himself at the dining-table as Namjoon sat down.

“Hyung, how are you so chipper?” Taehyung asked, watching Jin make an omelet while humming.

“I’m a responsible drinker,” Jin replied cheerily.

“Feeling better, Namjoon-hyung?” Jimin asked, smiling at him tiredly.

“Yeah, how are you?” Hoseok asked, finally looking awake after half-an-hour of sitting at the table.

Namjoon let his gaze drop to the table. “Oh. I’m…much better.”

It was quiet following his answer.

“Just tell them, Namjoon-ah. I’ll make sure they don’t tease you, or push you, or anything else,” The wolf-hybrid said, a slight threatening growl as he obviously addressed each of those things to the others at the table. He put the rolled omelet on the table, making sure Namjoon got part of it before it was scarfed down by the ravenous boys.

Namjoon took a couple bites, trying to gather his scattered thoughts, and courage. “Um…I found my mate last night.”

Everything went still again, some stopped chewing, chopsticks froze in midair, he wasn’t even sure they were breathing.

“That’s…a good thing…right?” Jungkook asked, sounding uncertain.

Namjoon slowly nodded.

“Then…what happened? Is she dating someone else?” Yoongi asked, sounding confused.

“Who?” Hoseok asked, sounding cheerful and happy.

“Y/n,” Namjoon murmured, setting his chopsticks aside, not looking at the others.

It was quiet again, but not as quiet as before.

“She seemed really nice?” Taehyung sounded bewildered.

“And she’s hot,” Jimin added, helpfully.

Namjoon just nodded. “She’s adorable.”

He could feel their confusion in the air.

“Finding your mate is a big thing,” Jin finally broke the silence. “But it’s a very hybrid thing. Knowing our mate by smell alone is something that can be hard for humans to understand and can lead to rejection, which is even harder for us.”

They were still quiet, which was unnerving.

“I’m a coward, okay?” Namjoon snapped, standing up. “I couldn’t tell her. I chickened out and I begged for us to leave while she went to get me water because she thought I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Hyung, it’s okay to be scared,” Jimin said softly.

Namjoon just clacked his teeth and quickly left, feeling like he was losing control again.

Jin followed. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Namjoon just moaned in distress again, pacing a little before letting the other hug him again, scenting him a little.

“It’ll be okay. They get it, Namjoon. Really, they do. I promise,” The older whispered into his ear.

Another set of arms wrapped around Namjoon, and he could smell Jimin already.

Tae was nearby, probably about to—

And there was a third set of arms around him.

Hoseok quickly joined, pulling Yoongi and Jungkook in as well.

Then the doorbell rang.

He peeked out as Jungkook went to peek out the window.

“Uh, it’s y/n,” He called back.

Namjoon groaned, burying his face in Jin’s shoulder. “I don’t exist. Kill me now.”

“As warm as bear fur is, you don’t even have enough to make a decent hat. Let her in, Jungkookie.” Hoseok disbanded the hug easily, pulling Namjoon away from Jin and quickly flattening the crazy bed-head.

“Morning, sorry to drop by so early, but I wanted to get the lights back to you,” Y/n said, addressing the last part to Jin as she let Jungkook take the box she had with her. “I also brought that taco-dip I owed you. Freshly made, don’t worry.”

Jin grinned. “You’re the best. Did you get everything cleaned up?”

“Better than most of the other houses did, apparently. I actually got to go to bed with a clean house. Namjoon-ssi, are you feeling better?” She asked.

Namjoon swallowed hard, hoping she hadn’t noticed him staring. Even out of costume and with barely any makeup she was adorable. Breathtaking. She was wearing an oversized sweater, jeans, and converse highs. Her hair was a little messy, maybe windswept.

Yoongi jabbed him in the back.

“Uh, yeah, a little.”

She didn’t quite look like she believed him. “Okay, good.” She glanced away from him, and then looked to Jin. “I’ll get out of your hair then.”

“Wait! Uh, we’re doing a scary movie marathon tonight if you want to come,” Hoseok quickly said, grinning at her. “Just bring a dish to share.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude—”

“No way, you’re more than welcome!” Tae followed up cheerfully. “We’re having korean barbecue!”

She hesitated. “Well….”

“Please? You hosted us, it’s only fair that we return the favor,” Jimin pleaded softly, voice saccharine and face angelic.

Namjoon could kill them all.

“Um, okay, if you insist,” She replied, seeming a little reluctant still.

“We do,” Jungkook delivered the last blow with a grin that Namjoon couldn’t wait to wipe off his face.

She nodded. “Okay, I’ll try to bring something yummy. Just, nothing too scary?”

“With Hobi-hyung in the house? I wish,” Taehyung folded his arms.

Hoseok gave her a sheepish smile. “I can’t do too-scary movies. They’re mostly Halloween-themed movies.”

She looked relieved, and Namjoon wished he’d been the one to put that expression on her face. “Oh, good. I was afraid I’d be hiding behind a pillow the whole time.”

“Nope! You’re in good company here! And don’t worry about a costume, either. We’re going super cas, and some of us will probably be in pajamas.” Jin finally added himself to the conversation with an apologetic look in Namjoon’s direction.

She nodded, gaze flicking to Namjoon for the briefest of seconds. “Okay. I’ll see you all tonight, then.”

“Yup, see you,” Jin said as he saw her out.

Namjoon glared at Hoseok. “What was that?”

“It’s called getting you more time with her,” Hoseok answered calmly. “You want her to be okay when you tell her, maybe getting to know her and spending time with her is the—I don’t know—logical first step?”

“Don’t antagonize him, hyung,” Jimin said softly. “It’s okay to be scared, but you’re sending her the wrong messages right now. You’re making her think you don’t like her at all. That’s why she wanted to refuse. You’re lucky we’re persistent and you’re totally sitting next to her tonight.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened. “Wait, what? She thought I didn’t like her?”

“Well, you’re not the best liar in the world,” Jin said weakly. “And I do recall us making some…pretty bad bear-related puns last night. She probably thinks she offended you somehow.”

Namjoon groaned and flopped onto the couch. “Did you see how gorgeous and adorable she was? I was staring and I thought she caught me, I panicked!”

“Hyung, I think you’re making this harder than it has to be,” Taehyung said. “I think Y/n would understand.”

“Guess we’ll find out, depending on how tonight goes,” Yoongi said dryly. “We better clean the house. Especially the bathrooms. I heard girls are fussy about bathrooms.”

“With our movie lineup, it’ll be pretty late, one of us will have to either walk her home and let her stay in one of our rooms so she’s not walking home at such a late hour,” Hoseok said thoughtfully.

“I’ll make sure my room is clean, just in case she stays that late,” Jin replied softly. “I know her best, so if she stays, then she’ll be the most comfortable with taking my room and my room has a lock on the door.”

The others were staring at him suddenly.

He coughed awkwardly to get rid of the growl. “Sorry.”

Jin just looked amused. “The point being that she can make sure no one touches her. Even if she finds out about you being her mate tonight, she’s not likely to sleep with you. Even in a platonic way. I know she’d feel safer having a door that locks between her and others. Alright, Yoongi, off to the store with Jungkookie. Taehyung-ah, go study for your test on monday.”

“Aw, hyung,” His face screwed up as he complained.

“I’ll help you, Taehyung-ah,” Namjoon said quietly, tugging on Seokjin’s sweatshirt in aggravation.

Jin rolled his eyes, taking it off and putting it over Namjoon’s head. “I’ve got to get cleaning. Hobi?”

“I’ll start on the bathrooms, hyung,” The other said cheerfully.

Namjoon shoved his arms through the sleeves, keeping the hood up so that the smell was close. He normally wouldn’t be so insistent about scents. He really needed to get over this.

By the time the evening rolled around, Namjoon was jumpier than the bunny hybrid in his math class when hopped up on enough caffiene for three people.

Jin snarled at him after he dropped a dish, the glass shattering all over the floor.

Jimin managed to hop up on the counters and slide away from the mess, but Jin was trapped.

Yoongi gave Taehyung a broom and started vacuuming under the cupboards after tossing a small dustpan and broom to Jin.

Hoseok pulled Namjoon away from the kitchen by the hood of the Jin’s sweatshirt. “Best stay out of the way, Namjoon-ah.”

Namjoon groaned. “I didn’t mean to break it.”

“It’s okay. He didn’t mean to snarl at you. It just surprised him, and some of the glass might have hurt him.”

“I’m pathetic,” Namjoon protested.

“You’re not pathetic, hyung,” Jimin said, wrapping around Namjoon. “You’re just out of your element.”

“And shy,” Hoseok added, eyebrow arching with a smile. “It’s okay, Namjoon. But maybe don’t wear Jin’s sweatshirt while Y/n is over. She might think that Jin is your mate and you freaked because of that.”

Namjoon groaned, but was hesitant to pull the sweatshirt off. “But…it’s….”

“Mine, now give it,” Jin ordered, limping over to them. “It doesn’t even smell like me anymore, I bet.”

“It does,” Namjoon pouted a little, not wanting to give up the security sweatshirt.

Jin forcefully pulled it off, then froze, listening. “She’s here. Go change into your blue shirt, Namjoon. The loose one. Jimin, get the door.”

Namjoon was frozen, but Hoseok quickly pushed him along to his bedroom, pulling the shirt Jin had said to wear.

“Come on. It’s okay. We’re just watching movies and eating food. No big deal.”

“She’s my mate,” Namjoon whispered. “My beautiful, adorable mate, that I can’t make conversation with. And don’t think I’ve forgotton your tone last night when you were talking about her.”

Hoseok smirked. “And if I flirt with her, what are you going to do? Growl at us?”

Namjoon looked away. “Don’t be a jerk.”

“Then talk to her or I will. Or worse.”

“Worse?”

“Worse, Taehyung will. He was talking about how hot she was last night, you know.” Hoseok leaned against the door. “Jin will make sure you’re sitting next to her, but you’ll have to make sure you keep that seat.”

Namjoon growled a little playfully, finally able to discern the teasing in his friend’s voice. “Come on. Just, try to help me relax?”

Hoseok nodded, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “You got it.”

Y/n looked adorably comfortable, curled up in the corner of the couch and laughing at the conversation between Jimin and Taehyung—the latter of which apparently committed some sort of treason against his best-friend.

Jungkook plopped next to her. “So, are you dating?”

“Which answer will get you to give me some space?” She asked back, good natured in tone, and smiling, but eying the lack of space between them.

Jin was laughing at Jungkook’s stunned expression. “Find somewhere else to sit, Jungkookie. You know Namjoonie is sitting in the middle.”

“Oh, should I move?” Y/n asked, suddenly looking uncertain.

“No, just Jungkook,” Hoseok answered, patting her head.

She looked unsettled by that gesture, but soon shook it off and waved at Namjoon with a small smile.

He managed to smile back. “Hey. How was your day?”

“Good, really good. Yours?”

“Yeah, good,” He answered, but winced afterwords. It sounded as awkward as he felt. “I was helping Taehyung study for his test and was a major klutz, but good.”

“Yeah, the dish, Jin told me about that. It happens.” She shrugged, looking a little more comfortable. “I already told him not to worry about it, too.”

“Wait…what?” He looked between the two, noting the slew of bandaids on Jin’s propped up foot, and feeling bad.

“It was one of my dishes. We exchange food once or twice a week, so we usually end up with each other’s dishes. We usually just give them back with food in them instead of making a special trip. But like I told Jin, it was two dollars at the resale shop. I’m just glad no one was hurt—well, not badly anyway.” She shrugged.

Namjoon eyed the headband she was wearing that had bear ears. “Um…nice headband.”

She looked confused while the other boys snickered, her hand reaching up and feeling along the headband till she reached the first ear.

Her eyes widened. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! I forgot my roommate put that on my head.”

“No! It’s cute! Really, I don’t mind!” Namjoon quickly said, holding his hands out, wanting to stop her from taking it off but not daring to touch her.

Her gaze darted between him and the others, uncertainty completely plain on her face.

He let his gaze and hands drop. “It’s really, fucking adorable.”

When he got the courage to glance at her face again, she was staring at him with wide eyes.

“Oh,” She breathed out. “Oh! I’m…because you…me….”

“And you call yourself an actress,” Jin muttered, obviously joking.

She chucked a pillow at him without looking, gaze still fixed on Namjoon—who didn’t dare look away. “I’m your…mate….”

He nodded slowly, clenching his jaw so that his teeth wouldn’t clack.

“But then, why did you hide it? Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head, still struggling with words.

“Did you think I would reject you?” She asked gently. “I know there are a lot of people who aren’t open-minded about that.”

He hesitated, then nodded once.

“Well, I wouldn’t have. I’m not. I understand how hard rejection can be.”

“It’s scary,” Namjoon whispered, studying her face. She was wearing a little more makeup than she had been when she was there earlier in the day, but less than last night.

She giggled. “Beary scary.”

He choked on a laugh. “Okay, but there’s a limit to the puns.”

“Sorry, last one.”

He looked at her curiously.

She shifted so she was sitting on her feet and facing him on the couch. Her smile was gorgeous, and the way she was looking at him happily was seriously breathtaking. “I would beary much like to get to know you, at least.”

He felt himself grin. “I’d like that too.”

--

Masterlist

[carol-effing-danvers]

i’ve got you written (in a black book)

Billy Hargrove’s heart is killing him.

(Title from “Something to Believe In” by Young the Giant)

The night after meeting Steve Harrington, Billy coughs up a handful of gardenia petals into the bathroom sink as he’s brushing his teeth in the morning. He pauses, staring at the thick white petals sitting in the curve of the sink. It’s never happened to him before, so he shoves one into his pocket and throws the others into the trash. Billy drops Max off at the middle school, then skips first period to spend time in the library.

 He doesn’t ask the librarian for help and he makes certain that no one is watching before snatching the volume he wants from the shelf – he has to page carefully through the glossy photos before finding the one he wants.

 GARDENIA Genus: Gardenia Meaning: secret love, “you’re lovely!”

 Billy’s shoulders loosen with relief. He has no doubts in his mind about which person he’s spitting flowers for, but this isn’t so bad. Some people, when they get Hanahaki disease, start vomiting red roses and shit like that. Shit that you know is an instant death sentence, the kind of love you can’t just get over.

 Gardenias? That’s not that bad. “you’re lovely!”

 Well, yeah. Steve Harrington is the hottest piece of ass in this worthless shithole town, anybody with eyes can see that. So, he’s got a crush.

 It doesn’t have to mean anything, not in the long term.

 Basketball practice is entering a level of hell heretofore unknown to mankind. Harrington, all strong lanky limbs and big soft eyes, following each other around the court, Billy grinding his teeth at the almost total lack of effort he puts into it. Oh, and worse! The showers!

 Harrington brings his own shampoo, and it fills the space with the smell of him. Billy has the perfect view of his broad shoulders and flat soft abdominals and the artful grace of his fingers scrubbing through his wet hair.

 He stares, though Harrington doesn’t even seem to give a shit. Harrington, he’s noticed, doesn’t seem to give a shit about a whole hell of a lot, especially after Wheeler dumped him. Billy would be worried, if he were the type of person to worry about other people. He stares, he leers, he taunts – trying to get some kind of reaction, even if it’s a punch in the face – then when no one is left in the locker room, he coughs up bright red daisy blossoms (beauty unknown to the possessor) and the silky petals of orange lilies (desire, passion, hatred).

 He laughs hysterically at that. Hanahaki is supposed to be about the pure devotion of an unrequited love, but Billy can’t even do that right. He vomits up sentiments of carnal desire and hate for his so-called ‘beloved’. It’s further proof, in his mind, that this whole thing is nothing but a fucking long-term boner. It’s an intense boner, don’t get him wrong. (He dreams in kiss-bitten lips, long black lashes, and the profoundly perfect curves of Harrington’s thighs and calves. Yeah. Yeah, it’s…intense.)

 Billy’s pretty sure he’d have nothing more to say about Harrington after pulling that ass over his dick once or twice. He would even be nice about it – suck off that big gorgeous dick for him, deep and messy, the way he’s absolutely certain the girls in this town are either too stuck-up or too intimidated to do for him. Then Billy would show him the joy of the sweet spot waiting to be played with in his tight little hole. But if he busted a nut in that (lovely, breathtaking) ass, he’s sure the shine of ‘true love’ would wear off afterwards.

 He’s absolutely convinced of this until the night that Maxine sneaks out the house.

 The moment Harrington steps out of the house and onto the porch, Billy stares at him and feels a tickle in the back of his throat, and when he coughs, a carnation the deep scarlet of fresh blood falls into his hand. He doesn’t even need to look into the book he stole from the school library to know that this new development is bad.

 It makes him angry and he loses his temper. The sight of Harrington’s face drives him half-mad, sometimes.

 He wakes up on the Byers’ house, hours later, and has to stand, bent over the weird papers on the living room. He coughs up another scarlet carnation and throws it in the grass as he stumbles back out the drive. When he checks the book, he nearly chucks the fucking thing into the woods.

 CARNATION (see also: PINK, SWEET WILLIAM) Genus: Dianthus Meaning: fascination -> Carnation (red): admiration, “my heart aches for you!”

 Max is gonna get herself – meaning Billy – in trouble with her antics, following Sinclair and the nerds around, but he obeys her command to stay away from them. All of them.

 He watches Harrington watching Wheeler at the Snow Ball, and it’s torture. He doesn’t even understand why it hurts so bad and then he’s smoking a cigarette, leaning up against the Camaro, and when he coughs into his fist, thin papery petals swirl into the cold night air. He stares at the ground, gaze captured by the oddly poetic image of the delicate-looking deep pink flowers, trodden into the dirty snow.

 His hands shake, and he can’t bring himself compare the petals to the pictures in his stolen book. He makes himself do it the next morning, when one of them floats in his morning coffee. Quickly, he plucks it out of his cup and rinses it off carefully beneath the bathroom faucet, before Neil can see. He makes himself put it in his pocket instead of flushing it down the toilet.

 He has to wait until Max is gone before he can pull the book from its hiding place beneath the driver’s seat.

 CAMELLIA Genus: Camellia Meaning: admiration, perfection -> Camellia, pink: “longing for you!”

 Billy rests his forehead on the pictures of the high-gloss pages and wonders what the fuck he’s gonna do.

 He becomes…achingly familiar with the camellia, and eventually adds white (“you’re adorable!”) and red (“you’re a flame in my heart!”) to the flood of petals that emerge.

 He says something snotty to Tommy in bio that earns him a smile, half-hidden, his soft brown eyes glittering and a light blush dusting the tops of his cheeks. Three long yellow petals emerge when he coughs into his hand and he shoves them into a random pants pocket before anyone can see.

 He knows what they are – he doesn’t have to explore. Sunflowers were his mother’s favorite flower. He knows what they look like, even if they’re shattered into pieces small enough to fit into his lungs.

 SUNFLOWER Genus: Helianthus Meaning: adoration, devotion

 Billy takes deep breaths and refuses to cry in public, even if he is tucked away within the safety of the Camaro.

 It gets worse. So, so much worse. He’d assumed that he just needed to either ignore his feelings or use Harrington to slack his lust, and then the whole thing would go away. But he can’t seduce him into anything – whenever Billy flirts with him, no matter how borderline dangerous it is, Steve just gives him this head-tilted stare, as though Billy is speaking a foreign tongue.

 He tries to fuck a girl on New Year’s Eve and ends up handing her punch until she passes out, because Billy knows as soon as she kisses him that if they go somewhere private, he won’t be able get it up unless Steve Harrington comes walking through the door bare-ass naked and sits in his lap. Instead of fucking Mary Ann Davison, Billy locks himself into the bathroom off Tina’s basement family room and vomit blue violets until his stomach cramps. (Faithfulness, “I’ll always be true!”)

 For Valentine’s day, Steve hands out Reese’s in homeroom and though Billy normally has a coughing fit after a class with Harrington, he has to get a hall pass to run to the bathroom immediately. The whole cup-shaped head of a tulip, the blazing red of a setting sun, falls into his hands and he frantically throws it away (passion, undying love).

 Winter becomes spring and Billy coughs more often, has to excuse himself once or twice a day from class. More covert research into the condition informs Billy that most people have a specific flower that their love inspires, often daffodils for unrequited love.

 Not him, not Billy. Billy has whole bouquets ready for his love. It’s worse at night, and Billy has to get out of the house. It’s too obvious to spend an hour coughing in the bathroom and the sheer volume of blooms in his lungs make it impossible to throw into the garbage without someone in the family noticing.

 There are no shortage of fields in Hawkins, Indiana. Billy resorts to picking one of the nice warm spring evenings. He coughs, he gags, he lets his entire fucking heart pour out into the grass and dirt, scattered in a riot of colors.

 Camellias are still a popular choice, but he produces a lot of red carnations, too. His heart does ache. It aches for him.

 Steve has made his heart as soft and sweet as summer fruit. But nothing Billy touches is truly soft or sweet. It’s all gone rotten in him, decayed and disgusting.

 A waste, he thinks, tears pouring down his face as he is surrounded by a carpet of little yellow primrose. (Eternal love, “I can’t live without you!”). Some of them are spotted with blood, sometimes. And just like him, it all belongs in the trash.

 There’s no way for Billy to know that less than a mile down the road, another boy hides in his bed, Christmas lights twinkling overhead.

 His heart is broken, because Steve thinks he’s made of fool’s gold. Something that everyone will clamber to grab for but only until they realize he’s not gold at all, but iron pyrite. A deception of value.

 All his love is wasted, because it never means anything to the people he gives it to, no matter how much he has to give.

 He’s shiny and worthless and easily discarded.

[beihonglin]

[about subbing.]

alright y’all sit tight and buckle up, i’ve held this in for three months now but today i saw a youtube comment demanding to know why it took so long for eng subs for a certain show to come out and i think some things should be made clear. 

fan subbers are not obligated to do the subbing we do. we are people with our own lives who are busy with work and school and life. the time spent subbing takes away from our study time, our down time, or time better spent doing more productive things. 

“but wait, surely it doesn’t take that long to sub a show? i see gifs on tumblr / translated transcriptions on twitter, so i know people are capable of translating things but nobody will sub the whole episode / it takes so long for eng subs to come out.”

it takes. so. much. time. in case you’re not familiar with the process (i know i wasn’t, before joining a subbing team), i’ll walk you through it with personal examples. 

(1) obtaining the raw video: 

content is often hosted on iqiyi, youku, tencent. unlike youtube, these platforms have little to no ‘fast’ ways to download the videos. for example, iqiyi uploads their episodes as .qsv files, which, due to their non-standard format, cannot be opened in any normal multimedia player and require the use of iqiyi's proprietary software. in order to decode the file and make it usable, downloaders have to find ccodes and ckeys, which takes time. to make it worse, these ccodes and ckeys change every few weeks, which means downloaders have to go on a hunt for them all over again. 

even if you could find an online downloader for videos, video parsers such as this one often give you very little control over the quality of the video - most of the downloads end up looking like someone chewed it up and spit it out. 

this means that whoever obtains the raw video has to use methods like coding or terminal just to get the hd file, which takes time and effort. 

from here, the raw video goes to two people: the transcriber and the timer. 

(2a) transcribing the video:

this is a step i skip when i am subbing alone or when i’m subbing in a team that are all chinese-speakers, but when i’m working in a team that has typesetters who don’t speak chinese, we have to provide a transcription along with our translation so that they can match the words on screen with the translations they put in. in some teams, there are members who only transcribe, but in smaller teams, translators have to do it ourselves.

transcribing takes time - it can take anywhere from half an hour to two hours for a five minute segment, depending on how used you are to typing in that language.

(2b) timing the video:

for me, this is The Most Time Consuming part of subbing - it’s the part i dread when subbing alone. it involves making sure your subs appear at the same time as the corresponding characters on screen, and often, if your subs appear even a couple of frames off, the entire sequence will look strange to the viewer. timing involves small adjustments made over and over again just so your subs look at least presentable. 

it requires precision, which takes time. and it requires practice and being comfortable with the timing software - if you’re starting out with new software, you might take more than two hours to time a five minute segment. 

even worse is when a video comes without chinese subtitles (rip all of us who ever had to sub these) - we don’t have a frame of reference and have to decide how to time by ourselves. we have to take into account sentence length and how fast viewers can read per second, how long a clause can be before viewers forget what was in the previous clause, and we have to make these decisions in tandem with how fast the people on screen are speaking. which takes time.  

(3) translating the video:

i think this step is often what people reduce subbing to and is what most people are familiar with seeing, but i cannot stress this enough - it also takes time.

personally, i take an hour to clear five minutes worth of dialogue on a good day. and then i take additional time for the sfx captions. and then additional time to proof-read and make sure i didn’t mishear, misinterpret or mistranslate things. most of the time, interviews love using internet slang or gaming terms and for those of us who don’t game or spend most of our lives on weibo, it’s an extra step for us to search for the term, understand its meaning and the context in which it’s being used. which takes time.

when a video comes without chinese subtitles and the members on screen happen to Love Screaming Over Each Other... replaying the segment over and over again to try and hear what they’re saying takes time. and patience. and eardrum abilities. 

in a team, it also involves proof-reading each other’s work. our translations team always proof-reads each other’s segments in case we catch something the others missed out on or mistranslated, or in case semantics are awkward and we have to restructure a sentence. i’m very, very lucky in that the subbing team i’m in have different strengths - one of us is better at chinese and explaining complex phrases, one of us is good at pragmatics and catching nuances and suggesting rephrases and one of us is good at semantics and making sure things are grammatically accurate. but sometimes teams are unbalanced and it takes extra effort to make sure things still turn out in the best quality possible. 

in some cases, we can discuss one (1) word choice for a full ten minutes because there simply isn’t a phrase for it in english and we have to t/n it, or because multiple english words map to the same chinese word and choosing the wrong one will provide a wrong connotation. in other cases, we know that some scenes will be talked a lot about or giffed a lot by international fans, and we have to make sure that the translations have to be as accurate and as nuanced as possible so that nothing gets twisted. and in the worse case scenario, a wrong word choice can change a fan’s whole impression of a member. 

(4) typesetting the video: 

for dialogue subtitles, this involves finding a font that is readable by everyone and a style that will be visible against all backgrounds. it involves making sure they stay in the same place and are of the same style (all aligned left, a certain number of pixels from the bottom etc). 

for sfx captions, this involves matching your english font to the chinese font used so the scene style isn’t incongruous and matching styles like outlines and shadows so that the colour scheme remains the same. in some cases, there is no space for the sfx translation, and typesetters have to blank out the original to make the translations visible. in many cases, they move, so typesetters have to animate the text, which takes extra effort. 

for multiple-episode shows, typesetters have to make sure that the styling remains consistent and visible in all settings, which make the thought given to these choices all the more important.

in some teams, typesetters don’t speak chinese, and have to refer to transcriptions and corresponding translations to typeset correctly. this takes time. in the cases where the original video comes without chinese subtitles, typesetters have to decide in which order the noise and mayhem should appear on screen. this takes time. 

and in the first place, this assumes that you have the software to do hard-subs - something not all of us have. 

(5) encoding and posting the video:

this step takes the least effort but it still needs So Much Time - converting the aegisubs or premiere pro file into an .mp4 requires a media encoder, and adobe media encoder more or less takes three hours to encode a three hour episode. sometimes, it exports as an .mov and you have to handbrake it to get it to an .mp4 file, which takes extra time. 

uploading it on youtube also takes time - it takes an hour to get a two-hour video uploaded, and it takes another few hours for it to process so that you can publish it in 1080p. 

some of our laptops don’t have enough processing power to go through a three hour video - even encoding a half-hour episode can slow down our laptops so much they’re pretty much useless until it’s done. some of us even don’t have a media encoder on our laptops and have to run to computer labs to get it encoded. and if the closest one is on campus twenty minutes away and it’s snowing outside? good luck. 

people who gif casually or translate in blocks of text on twitter don’t have to deal with steps (2), (4) and (5), and that’s where the difference lies - even if they’re capable of translating things, the sheer amount of effort and time it takes can deter people from trying. 

in addition, most of the time, the content we sub is copyrighted so we can’t even monetise the eng subs - we get nothing out of subbing. 

the reason why we do it anyway is because we love the show or the people on the show and want to share that with an international audience. we’re fans and for some of us, that’s justification enough to put in the time and effort needed to get more love and attention for our faves. 

and that’s why we appreciate it when people ask us, “hi, would you be interested in subbing this show?” most of these requests are polite and include an “only if you want to” add-on (which frees us from the obligation to agree), and it lets us know that you’re following our faves and lets us know what kind of content you’re interested in. most of the time, most of us don’t even need a ‘thank you’ in the comments (although they are very much appreciated), because if we see comments laughing over a certain member’s actions, it means someone else is loving our faves too and to me, it makes the effort worth it. 

i understand people asking, “why does it take so long to sub?” out of curiosity, because before i joined my subbing teams, i knew nothing about the process. but going, “why is it taking so long to sub?” is different, and demanding that a show be subbed when it takes us ten hours of work to let you enjoy a twenty minute video? that’s not fair. 

tl;dr: don’t underestimate the amount of effort it takes to sub a show. subbers have their own lives and are not obligated to work on your schedule. 

if you’re still thinking about demanding subs faster, consider joining the subs team. otherwise, shut up and enjoy the fact that fans are putting in time and effort for your entertainment for free. 

[supportforindieauthors]

What are all these "author rules" we're supposedly breaking?

It happens at least once a week. I receive a newsletter in my inbox telling me about the top 10 rules I’m accidentally breaking as an author or the top 5 rules I should NEVER break as an author. . .

First of all, I haven’t published a book in 4 years, so I KNOW that I haven’t broken any of these rules recently, but I can’t help but wonder where all these rules are coming from and what’s going to happen if I’ve broken one of them. Is my college professor who ruled over her grammar class like a dictator going to show up and lock me in grammar prison? 

Based on all these articles that I continue to receive on a weekly basis and read because I just can’t help myself, I have determined that these rules are nothing more than grammar, punctuation, and plot development suggestions to make publications feel important and needed. 

Does that mean that these suggestions are bad? Not at all! In fact, if you find that they help you improve your writing, then that’s fantastic! But let’s not pretend like someone is going to lock away your book for all of eternity if you break one of these “rules.”

All of this being said, Riley and I thought we would review some of these rules and what we think about them as indie authors, and then we would go over a different kind of advice, one that is absolutely important for this day and age.

So let’s get started!

Always be consistent with point of view

Riley: Why is this a rule? I could never understand that. What better way to show two different points of view for differing characters. After all, what your narrator sees is different than your protagonist or antagonist.

Ann: I think this rule is more a reminder to the author to be conscious of how you’re speaking to your readers. Jumping around from first person to second person to even third person can be very jarring. That being said, if you have a creative reason for changing up your point of view, go with it! Let those creative juices flow and have fun with it. 

Never start a story with the character waking up

Riley: This is just ridiculous. Our jobs as authors is to connect our characters with our readers. A simple way to do this is to use little actions we all use, like waking up.

Ann: Who are we (or who is anyone really) to tell you how to start your story? Each day we wake up is potentially a new start to something exciting, something traumatic, or something completely life changing. We have no idea. If that’s how you want to begin your work, you have every right to do so. There are a lot of books out there. To say that you have to be fully original in the way you begin you work is a tad ridiculous. Start it the way you want to start it. Be you. Don’t worry about whether or not it’s been “overdone.” Your work is unique to you. As long as you’re not plagiarizing, we won’t judge. 

Never use adverbs, and especially not with speech tags

Riley: I get it, too many people use "like" all the time. That doesn't mean you should restrict creative juices. A few are fine, and I believe they enhance your work, as long as you don't carry them too far.

Ann: I think anything in moderation is fine. Honestly, the only reason to consider looking this in depth at your individual sentences and paragraphs is to intensify the action your characters are taking. If your work feel disjointed and a bit passive, then maybe you should look to this as a recommendation. But really, let’s all just calm down, shall we? 

Never give main characters names that begin with the same letter

Ann: Sigh...So many of us authors feel the same way about our characters. They name themselves. We’re merely transcribing the story. It’s possible that some people who aren’t carefully reading your work will become confused, but the people who really care will be able to keep track of your characters as long as they’re memorable. I don’t even remember a time when I confused Eowyn with Arwen, even though they’re pretty similar. . .but my husband doesn’t even remember that there were two main female characters in Lord of the Rings. The people who are invested in your work will know the difference. 

Riley: I really can't add anything to this. Besides, you should be striving to make your characters individual enough that you could almost name them all the same thing.

Never info dump

Ann: Info dumps can be beneficial. I think it’s important to keep it entertaining and make it pertinent to the plot, but when done well, I fully enjoy being caught up on what I need to know about the world an author has worked so hard to create. 

Riley: Aye, exposition used in the correct way can really further your books. Look at how George RR Martin uses sex in his books. There are a ton of plot points dropped in between all the genitalia.

Kill your darlings (crutch phrases)

Riley: Actually I would tell you to do what your story tells you to. You never know when you'll suddenly be struck by an idea. Besides, if you really don't like it, take it out at editing time.

Ann: I think this is from Stephen King’s advice about the written work, but you can look at it from a variety of perspectives. If we’re talking about characters, you’re allowed to kill off any character you like - just have some good reasoning for it if it’s a particular fan favorite. (Looking at you George R.R. Martin) If we’re talking about crutch phrases, I think this is something to keep in mind just to ensure you’re not overusing a phrase. I recently listened to a podcast in which the interviewer used the phrase “100%” at least 30 times. Just be aware of the words you’re using. I don’t think there’s any set limit. Maybe your character has a favorite phrase that she or he uses consistently. Maybe it’s for comedic purposes. Regardless, do what works for your book.

Riley: And thus we see the joy of English. I took that rule literally!

Don’t use passive phrases

Riley: Passive phrasing has been a weakness of mine since I started writing. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over it, as I believe it offers versatility. I could be wrong, but I don't believe I am.

Ann: Why are suggestions often confused with rules? Don’t people realize that authors see the word “Don’t” as a challenge? Should we overuse passive phrases? Probably not as it makes for weak paragraphs and tends to make our readers feel left out of the action. But should we NEVER use it? That seems extreme. An occasional passive phrase isn’t going to sabotage your work.

Never open a book with weather

Riley: Again with the inane rules about how to start your book. Whatever the first words are that get you started and fit the story, they're the correct ones.

Ann: *rolls up sleeves* Is that a challenge? Seriously. DO. WHAT. YOU. WANT. Maybe your character is watching the incoming storm and thinking about how cliche it is that a storm would happen on THIS of ALL nights. As long as you’ve got a good hook, roll with it. A plot device can be used poorly or incredibly well. Just because some people have used it poorly doesn’t mean that you can’t use it to your advantage. I imagine that a lot of real life stories have begun with a turn in the weather. 

Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue

& then Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said”

Ann: To quote John Locke, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!” Seriously, let’s find a happy medium, shall we? I feel like I’m just repeating myself with each of these. An argument can be made either way. I try to use a variety of phrases and words and I’ve never felt that my work has suffered as a result of it. 

Riley: Besides, I read somewhere that readers skip 90% of your dialogue tags. So what does it matter? Use what you want!

Avoid cliches

Ann: Do you know how many cliches there are out there? And do you know how often we identify with cliches because they are so common? One of my college professors would mark down our grades for any cliches used. She and I did not get along very well. Can cliches be used to your advantage? Yes, yes, absolutely, 100%, yes. Should you attempt to use every single cliche in one work? …. Again, that seems like a challenge...

Riley: Just look at a hero's journey. How many books are based off of this "cliche" idea. Remember, it's all in the eyes of the beholder.

Don’t attempt to use semicolons

Ann: We have so many resources at our disposal. Do your research. Learn to understand, love, and utilize the semicolon. The internet is vast. If my husband can learn to install a toilet via YouTube, you can learn to use the semicolon and have a very successful relationship with it.

Riley: Yes! Use Google, use YouTube, use the resources afforded to us in these modern ages, and work that language.

Show don’t tell

Riley: Why shouldn't I show? What's wrong with painting a clear line that's easy for readers to follow? Not every story has to have a mystery or a twist. Some can be straightforward.

Ann: Sometimes you should show and sometimes you should tell. Only you can decide which is the right course in your particular work. Listen to your beta readers. Listen to your own instincts. Use what feels right to you and what feels right to the words you’re writing. I think that both can be an effective means of communicating to your readers. 

Never start your book at the end of the story

Riley: What better way to get the tone for the rest of the book? I mean, there's a lot that can happen between the start and the finish, and some stories change over time. What better way to prepare your readers for the insane ride ahead?

Ann: “The end is only the beginning.” From The Mummy, right? But still true. If you have a reason for doing it, then by all means, stride boldly forward. Be confident in your decision. 

Turn off the TV 

Riley: Some of my best writing is done with a TV on! The sound of the voices in the background offer just enough of a distraction for my ADD addled brain. It helps me focus in the long run, and inspires me to do better than what I hear and see.

Ann: No, there is no singular right way to write a book. If you’re distracted by the television, radio, etc, then change your setting up. Find what works best for you and stick with that. I listen to music or have movies playing in the background as I work. Sometimes I need distractions because I get lost in my own thoughts and can’t force my fingers to type with all the conflicting plot points. A distraction helps me zone out and move forward. I can edit the dust bunnies out later. 

Stay away from sentences that start with the words “there are” or “there is"

Riley: There is something wrong with this rule. There are people who truly believe this, and that makes me sad. English is a flexible language, use it.

Ann: A truly masterful answer, Riley. Enough said. 

Write what you know

Riley: How do I expand my point of view then? I have never once done heroin, but people have told me Everyone Dies At The End did a great job of explaining heroin addiction and the demons it causes. Research, and write what you don't know.

Ann: Does no one know how to use the internet? Or a library? Or even discussing with your friends who know about the subject when you don’t? We have some pretty powerful brains. Use the opportunity to learn something new. If you’re determined to write about a topic you know very little about, then you’ll do your due diligence and learn about it in order to write about it. And you’ll be a better person for it in the end. We should all be attempting to expand our horizons with a little research every now and then. 

Treat writing as a job

Riley: Maybe you’re lucky, maybe you're in the minority of people and you love your job. Most people don't. I love to write, I wish I had more time to devote to it. I love the freedom it gives me, especially in our modern age where I can literally pick up my phone at any time and start writing. Don't treat writing like a job, treat it like something you love to do.

Ann: Why, so I can hate it? You know what I did when I worked? I wrote. You know what I do now that I’m a stay at home mom who home schools her kiddos and designs websites? I don’t write because I feel like I SHOULD be writing. Find the joy it in it and stick with that. If sitting down at your computer from 9-5 with the sole purpose of writing brings you joy, then do it. But that doesn’t work for me and I refuse to adhere to that. 

Focus on quality over quantity

Ann: What are we talking about here? Word count? Published book count? Pseudonym count? It’s so vague. If you’re capable of publishing a book a month and you feel passionate about that, then you go! Should we be working to put our best foot forward? Yes. But only you can decide when you’re ready to publish your book. Don’t let someone tell you that you shouldn’t just because you published a book a mere six months ago and you can’t possibly have completed another book since then that’s worth anyone’s time. Do what you feel led to do. And don’t let anyone shame you for that. 

Riley: The most prolific author of our times has an entire religion based around some of his writings. Love him or hate him, L. Ron Hubbard has shown me that less isn't necessarily better. The man wrote in the golden age of pulp fiction, and had grammatical errors throughout his works. And yet, there are millions of people that follow his words to a point of reverence. This is not an endorsement or a chastisement of Scientology. Just something I always think about when people mention quality over quantity.

If you’ve read through all of our answers above, you’ve seen a common theme. A confusion over “rules” versus suggestions given to make us really examine our work prior to publishing. Don’t confuse the two or you’ll end up driving yourself (and everyone around you) completely insane with your constant recitation of grammar and writing rules.

I personally believe that any suggestion that makes you take a second look or a fresh look at your current WIP is helpful. But that doesn’t mean that you should lose sleep over the idea that one might have slipped by you during your editing process.

Sleep well. Write on. And Support Indie Authors!

-Ann Livi Andrews and Riley Amos Westbrook

Looking for more?

Our moderator, Dwayne Fry recently published his thoughts on Self Publishing in a book titled: Things I’ve Learned as an Indie Author. Some of the above rules are addressed as well as a multitude of others. If you’re looking for a fresh perspective on your work, I highly recommend giving it a read. You may see your work in an entirely new light. 

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

oh gosh. oh gosh. I've been thinking about getting evaluated for ADD/ADHD myself recently but I'm scared & anxious. I don't know who to go to - is any regular psychiatrist/psychologist ok or would I need to find one who specializes?? What if I'm diagnosed but they can't do anything about it?? What if I'm MISdiagnosed so they can make money?? What if they tell me I'm just an attention-seeking narcissist and there's nothing wrong with me at all?? 1/2

All I can share is my experience, which is unique to a) me, b) my area, and c) my country’s healthcare system. I mentioned my frustrations with my concentration/focus (or lack thereof) with my primary care physician-- the person who does my annual check ups. They should be your first stop, if you’re in the American healthcare system, as insurance companies often require referrals for specialist appointments, and even if you aren’t in the American healthcare system, your PCP should be able to point you in the right direction of where to go next. 

I have a really great relationship with mine-- she’s been treating me for my entire adult life. She referred me to a neurologist for ADD/ADHD evaluation. When I arrived, the cute intake girl asked me a shit ton of questions about my symptoms. And in talking to her it really hit home how much and how long I’ve been struggling. 

And the neurologist took one look at my intake form and said “you definitely hit the markers for ADD.” (and maybe adhd? It kinda blurred at that point, because ha-hey guess who’s having focus/attention issues?)

Next step? Medication.

Medication is where the stigma kicks in again. Picture this: I am at the neurologist looking for help. There is literally no other reason for me to be there. I am struggling, I need help, and still-- STILL-- when he mentioned Aderall my brain and my heart immediately wanted to bolt. Like, what the hell else did you think he was going to suggest, numbskull? 

So next steps are getting a brain scan/EEG, to make sure I don’t have any other brain issues they need to worry about, and then I’m starting a low dose of Adderall, which is faster acting than some of the other options. By the neurologist’s words, I could be seeing improvement by the end of next week.

Your questions in your first ask are all anxiety, plain and simple (and guess how ADD can sometimes present in adult women? Ding ding ding! Anxiety). 

A specialist will be the best person to help you, so even if they can’t a) they may at least be able to tell you what it isn’t, b) can point you in a new direction, and c) at least you’re taking steps to help yourself-- which is huge. 

Lately I’ve come to suspect that the school fear about “overmedication” is an early split from what eventually became the anti-vaxxer movement, and fuck those guys. And keep in mind-- our conversation here is not about the virtues of forcing kids to sit still in a classroom for 7-8 hours a day, and the need for medication to help them do so. We are adults, struggling to exist as adults. If there is a tool out there to help us function more easily, we are entitled to use it, just as we are entitled to use anti-depressants or pain-relief.

(And PS if you’re wondering if you’re an attention-seeking narcissist, you’re not a narcissist, because narcissists don’t think about that sort of thing. I’ve had similar concerns seeking therapy and that came straight from my therapist’s mouth, so)

If you do seek help for it, I can warn you right now that it’s going to be a mixed bag of emotions. Yes, it’s a relief, to have a name and reason for why you/your brain does X, but at the same time? I had a cry session last night because if the diagnosis is correct, then-- I’ve been fighting it for twenty-plus years. Twenty years where my potential has been throttled by a condition I wasn’t aware of. Twenty years I’ll never get back.

 And that’s heartbreaking.

The one thing about my appointment with the neurologist that sticks in my craw is something he asked me towards the end as we were wrapping up. He asked me “Why did you wait so long to get help?”

He meant it good-naturedly, and I was still reeling and dealing with the anxiety of everything suddenly happening quickly, so I didn’t claw his eyes out right then and there. But it still rankles even now. 

I’m sorry, how in the world was I supposed to know that my wandering brain and hyperfixation on writing and skating (the only two activities in my life I can focus on with zero distraction), wasn’t NORMAL? My doctor asks for my weight every goddamn visit but at no point has she ever asked me how my focus is. No one ever asked me how many times I need to go back to my apartment in the morning to get the keys/sunglasses/breakfast I keep forgetting. 

No one ever asked me how many times a week I forget my wallet in my other bag. Until my visit yesterday, no one ever asked me how often I talk over someone before they’re finished speaking, or finish their sentences for them. No one ever asked whether I fidget in meetings or if I can hold a goddamn conversation without my brain spooling out to think about that one story/movie/figure skating program/”if I have my protein bar early and skip the late session at the rink I can go to that one place I like for dinner tonight I think I’ll get the fish”.

So, someone please tell me how I was supposed to recognize any of this as not normal.

Long story short, here’s my takeaway: If you are struggling with anything that impairs your ability to function on a basic level, you deserve to seek treatment. If you read something online about a condition that rings true to you and your experience, you have every right to mention it to your doctor.

You deserve to live at your full potential.

[baepsaets]

hi! i saw you were going to south korea this summer and i was just wondering if you spoke any korean? and if you did, do you have any tips or anything? there's no classes near me to learn so i've been trying to learn myself because i really want to visit there someday. btw i hope you have fun! 💖💖

hi anon! thank you so much for your well wishes!

i’ve been studying korean on and off for a few months now, but these past several weeks i’ve really knuckled down and started taking my studies seriously. i’m also from an area that doesn’t offer any classes, so i’ve been self-studying. i’m gonna add a little “read more” and put a couple tips i’ve collect under the cut.

1.) start with hangul!

i cannot stress this one enough. some people, when they first start out, just skip hangul because they’re more interested in learning major phrases. sure, knowing major phrases is helpful, and it makes you feel smart as shit when you recognize them while watching a kdrama, but hangul is really the basis of korean and to properly read and speak korean, you need to learn hangul.

2.) build a relevant vocabulary!

to avoid getting overwhelmed, start with vocabulary that’s relevant to your daily life. if you’re a student, learn school-related vocabulary. book, paper, pencil, desk, chair. if you plan on working in an office, learn office-related vocabulary. good basic vocabulary to learn along with these would be weather, food, household items, clothing, numbers, ect. but make sure that when you study vocabulary, you don’t overwhelm yourself by doing too many words too fast.

listen, starting out, we’re all basically babies. do babies know a lot of vocabulary? no! but they learn and collect more words as their skills grow! if you learn too much vocabulary too soon, you’re going to struggle more not to just forget it all after you’ve learned it, especially when you self-study.

3.) try to make a concrete self-study schedule!

self-study is hard as shit, no lie. it’s hard to keep yourself motivated and invested. i really recommend trying to find a buddy to help you along your journey. if that’s not possible, try to make your self-study sessions as structured as possible. for me, that meant having set study days with an itinerary so i always knew what i was studying for that day. i’ve actually created a couple of my own worksheets that i’ve printed out and completed, but that’s the teacher in me jumping out. if you keep yourself on a tighter leash, you’ll be less likely to slack off when you’re having a lazy day.

because guess what, that will happen! and there’s nothing wrong with that! some days you’re not going to want to study, but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or a bad student, or you’re not “really interested” in learning korean. learning is not always a linear line. take those days as they come and do your best to study what you can. i’ve just noticed that for me, personally, having a more structured self-study schedule has helped me combat these lazy days, when i’m not in the mood to do anything.

4.) find someone who speaks korean!

i had to include this one just because it’s such a good tip, but let’s be honest - this isn’t always applicable for everyone. i live in the middle of nowhere where people barely even speak their own native language, let alone korean. i recommend trying to find a website or chat group created for helping people learn languages! somewhere out there is a native korean looking to learn your language just like you’re looking to learn korean. find them and see if you can help one another! speaking to a native speaker while trying to learn a new language is the most effective way to learn that language. don’t be afraid to be awkward and make mistakes. we’re humans. we’re basically at a baby-speaking level! babies make mistakes all the time and we don’t think they’re dumb. they’re just learning.

the order that i went in when i started my study:

i mastered both hangul and pronunciation rules. and yes, it was hard - i often have to go back and reference my notes when i’m studying - but it’s really so worth it. hangul laid the foundation for learning korean in my mind, and without it i’d be a lot more lost than i am now trying to master sentence structures and *shudders* korean grammar. 

then i moved on to relevant vocabulary: numbers, months, weeks, days, colors, ect. quick note: korean actually has two number systems, so not only do you have to understand both, but each number system is used specifically, so you need to memorized when which number system is used when.

it was after i started learning vocabulary that i started focusing more on phrases. things like hello, goodbye, thank you, i’m sorry, ect. this is just a personal note: once my trip to south korea was more confirmed, i started memorizing phrases that would be helpful to tourists. things like help please, do you speak english?, where is this?, i speak korean a little, ect. one big thing to keep in mind when you start venturing into korean phrases is this: in korean, there is formal language and informal language! most kpopies know this but i just really want to stress it. i’m so nervous about my dumb white ass going to south korea and accidentally offending the hell out of a native korean. when i first started learning phrases, i literally stuck to just formal phrases. now that i’ve been studying longer, i’ve incorporated more informal phrases into my vocabulary.

after learning hangul, some vocabulary, and some phrases to build my confidence, i hesitantly moved on to verbs. i say hesitantly because once you master a few verbs, the next logical step is… making sentences?

this is the step i’m at now and it’s a struggle for me! it may not be the same for everyone, but i find korean grammar very challenging, and i currently have no tips to offer in reference to learning it because i’m in the middle of struggling through it myself.

so those are all the tips i have! if anyone else has more, please comment them. learning korean is something i take very seriously as it’s quite important to me, so i’d love additional tips about learning korean, korean culture, and self-study help!

[tlbodine]

So I started to read your Tip for Being a Better Writer, and I know exactly what the problem is with a lot of beginning works I read now. They always get verb tense wrong. They also word things awkwardly, they say, 'as he was walking' instead of 'he walked.' Also they cram too many words in one sentence, making it a chore to read. But I find that difficult to explain to them. They don't seem to know what past and present tense mean, it's like they skipped that lesson in grammar school.

I’ve talked a bit about verb tense before, as it’s something I’ve seen people struggle with a lot (especially in amateur writing and roleplay): https://www.wattpad.com/612462156-tips-for-being-a-better-writer-verb-tenses-and-you 

But there might be some value in talking a bit more about verb tenses with a greater degree of granularity, and see if we can hammer out some rules and guidelines for keeping things consistent, as well as avoiding some of the more common problems that crop up. 

Okay. So First Off. What’s the Deal With Verb Tense? 

So we’re all pretty well familiar with past, present and future tense, right? Those are fairly straightforward. 

Where things start to get interesting (and complicated) is in the other tenses, which do a great job of delivering the time when something happened in a remarkable level of detail. For example, compare and contrast: 

I walked. 

I was walking. 

I had walked.

I had been walking. 

I was walked. 

The first example is simple past tense: This is an event that began in the past and ended in the past. I think y’all know how that works. 

The second example is “past progressive” or “past continuous” tense. You make it by combining “was” + an “-ing” form of a verb. Past progressive describes ongoing, continuous actions that go on in the background or which are interrupted by something else (”I was X-ing when Y happened” is a very common construction). You can see some really good examples here: https://www.ef.com/english-resources/english-grammar/past-continuous-tense/

You should think of past progressive like set pieces. They can form a great backdrop for what’s going on (the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the leaves were rustling) but they’re not really front-and-center kinds of action. You’re not going to be using these to describe the main action of your story. 

The third example is “past perfect” tense, which means it describes something that happened in the past before something else that also happened in the past. You basically use it to make sense of timelines where multiple things are happening in sequential order. 

For example, compare and contrast: 

I saved my file before the computer crashed 

vs

I had saved my file before the computer crashed. 

Both describe the same event, but the second example gives more emphasis to the timing and order of events. It reads sort of plaintively, right? Like someone insisting they did it that way? You can hear the implied emphasis on the word “before” in that sentence, right? There’s also kind of an implied, unspoken (”already”) that you feel snuck in there, right? That’s the power of past perfect. Here’s a guide: https://www.ef.edu/english-resources/english-grammar/past-perfect-tense/

Not super useful in writing. But pretty useful when you’re pleading your case with your boss about how you had already cleaned the bathroom when your stupid coworker took credit for it. 

The fourth example, unsurprisingly enough, is the “past perfect progressive” (or “past perfect continuous,” if you prefer), verb form. It’s what happens when #2 and #3 get smooshed together. You use it to describe things that were ongoing in the past before being interrupted by something else. So for example, compare and contrast: 

I had cleaned the bathroom before Bob came into work

vs

I had been cleaning the bathroom before Bob came into work

That first example implies that cleaning the bathroom was a one-time event. The second example suggests that this was something that happened on a regular basis; you can kind of hear the implied “every day” in it, right? (and in usage, you may well include it there for clarity). 

This verb conjugation creates an added layer of narrative distance, too. You’ll find yourself using it all the time when you relay information to people: “She said that she had cleaned the bathroom.” 

See more examples here: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/past-perfect-continuous-tense/

The fifth example is in simple past tense, but it’s a passive verb construction. Here “was” functions as a helper to “walked,” and it means that the person speaking was walked by someone else, like a dog (or maybe in handcuffs down to a courtroom). 

And just in case all of that wasn’t enough to make your head spin, bear in mind that all of these are just constructions of past tense verbs. We still have verbs in the present tense and future tense to worry about. 

Fortunately, they should be pretty familiar: 

I walk (I wasn’t, but then I started doing it just as soon as I said that) 

I am walking (I’m doing it right now) 

I have been walking (I’m doing it right now and have been doing it but that’s about to change) 

I will walk (I’m not yet, but in the future I plan to) 

I will have walked (I’m not right now, but I expect to by a particular point in the future) 

I will have been walking (I’m doing it right now, and will continue to do it up to a point in the future) 

Verb conjugation is hard. It’s one of the hardest things about learning a language. Ask me if I remember how to conjugate verbs in Spanish (spoiler alert: nope). And even native speakers of English can screw it up sometimes. 

Which is, I suspect, how we end up with verb tenses that slip, especially if you’re writing something a little bit outside of your normal comfort zone. For example, if you’re new to writing, you might start slipping into the present tense because that’s how we often speak to each other. Or, if you’re used to writing in past tense but try to write in present, your verb tenses might start slipping out of habit. 

In narrative writing, you don’t have to worry about weird sentence constructions all that much. 98% of your writing will be either simple past tense (describing events as they unfolded) or past progressive (laying down set pieces as a backdrop for those events to happen against). But maybe you need to write a flashback, at which point you’ll end up using a whole lot of “She had been…She had gone…She had said” unless you invoke some other literary device (like a scene break and a framing narrative) to set off the flashback from the primary action. Or maybe you need to have a character tell a story about another character’s history, and end up invoking some of those “She had been doing” verb formations. 

And sometimes you’ll want to use a phrase or colloquialism that we’re only familiar with hearing in one particular verb tense and you’ll have to decide if you want to tweak the phrasing of the colloquialism (and risk losing its familiarity), or adjust the way the sentence flows around it. 

So don’t throw the baby out with the conjugated bathwater here. You’ll find occasions when you need to know how to do some things, grammatically. There’s no shame in looking it up. There’s also no shame in hiring an editor (or bribing a grammar-loving friend) to help you. But as a writer, part of your job is using precise language, because form = function = meaning. 

So Why Do People Screw This Up So Much? 

Obviously, some people screw up verb tenses because they just don’t know better, due to a lack of education or whatever else. 

But most commonly, I think people don’t always intuitively understand that writing a story uses language differently than telling a story. This is especially true for people who don’t read a lot and aren’t super familiar with literary conventions. 

If I’m telling a story out loud to a friend, it’s very likely I’ll slip into present tense (”So then she turns to the bartender and is like, ‘Do you have any grapes?’ and the bartender is all ‘gdi no I told you that’) or I’ll hedge a bit and add some narrative distance (”She told me that she would have been doing it already, except she had already done that other thing”). 

There’s all sorts of linguistic and sociological reasons for the differences in oral storytelling and written storytelling, and hardly enough space to get into them here – but basically it all boils down to this: Grammar is a tool like anything else, and changing the way you tell a story changes its meaning. Once you understand that, you can embrace it and use it to your advantage. 

Grammar isn’t a hard-and-fast set of rules cut in stone that must never be broken. Grammar is a vehicle for meaning. Your concern in using words a particular way should be ensuring that the meaning is clear (and will be clear to the greatest number of people), and sometimes that means creatively mashing some things together.

How else do you think we ended up with all these damn verb tenses to begin with? They exist because at some point someone was telling a story and needed to make it very clear that such-and-such event happened before so-and-so started doing this other thing. And as our lifestyles continue to evolve, so to will our language usage. 

So do your best, look things up when you have to, and think really hard about what specific meaning or effect you’re trying to convey. You’ll get there (and even if it’s not perfect, your reader will still follow if it’s clear. and if not, well, that’s what editors are for).

Happy writing!

[deadlyanddelicate]

"i almost lost you" for pynch please

so this is 3 months late because i’m literally the worst but HERE ENJOY THIS THING that was gonna be a short drabble but devolved into 4k of angst/fluff. sorry for the wait anon, and thanks to @adamparrush for helping me navigate the intricacies of american high school schedules!

(you told me) this is right were it begins || read on ao3

‘Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railingsAnd you clutched my brain and eased my ailing

Is There Somewhere - Halsey

The aftermath of dealing with the demon leaves behind a wake of emotional debris they were not – couldn’t have been – fully prepared to tackle. They all have a lot on their plate: assessing the damage, picking up the broken pieces, allowing the wounds to scar over.

There’s the matter of Gansey, and what exactly he is now that he’s been brought back to life. There’s the matter of Noah, who had been fleeting and barely-there for a while, but is now completely gone, leaving the group to struggle with grieving someone who was already dead. There’s the matter of Henry, and how he fits into this new, fragile balance they have.

And, of course, there’s the matter of Gansey-and-Blue, and the matter of Adam-and-Ronan.

The first couple of weeks go by completely smoothly – dreamlike, almost. Adam goes back to school, and starts picking his jobs back up, shift by shift. Ronan drops out – officially, this time – and goes back to the Barns. Declan and Matthew come back to town for a short while, and Aurora gets a funeral, the elaborately carved white coffin as lovely and vacant as she had been in life. (Adam doesn’t really understand dream people, or what it’s like to lose a beloved parent, but he understands enough to recognize the fractures in the Lynch brothers: the cracks in Declan’s politician facade, the clouds rolling over Matthew’s sunny disposition. He understands enough to see Ronan break again: quieter, this time; with less anger than when Niall was killed. But he still breaks.)

They don’t talk about it, because they just don’t do that kind of thing – they never have; they wouldn’t know how. Instead of words, Adam offers himself: a shoulder for Ronan to rest his head on, lips trailing over his cheek, a hand lightly placed on his when they’re at Nino’s. Gentle, anchoring touches to keep him from spiralling into his grief. He drives down to the Barns after work and plays with Opal when Ronan is too heartsick to manage it; he lets Ronan crash at St. Agnes at 3 in the morning, when it’s pitch black outside and the world weighs hopelessly on Ronan’s shoulders, and shields him with his body, curled around the black hooks of Ronan’s tattoo.

Sometimes it’s enough. And sometimes it isn’t.

The fact of the matter is that before being Adam-and-Ronan, they were Adam and Ronan: two satellites orbiting planet Gansey, inevitably colliding with each other over and over, and only taking stock of the damage when the impact had already left craters in both of them. Even as they’d slowly become friends, then better friends, then something more altogether, Adam had never harboured any illusions that they would ever stop fighting. So, logically, he should not have expected them to stop butting heads now just because they were… whatever they were (…together? Boyfriends? That was something else they had not talked about).

But Adam hadn’t been thinking logically ever since Ronan had kissed him in his childhood bedroom, taking reason away and replacing it with soft white light and the foreign feeling of being loved, loved, loved. If he had, he might have seen it coming when their new, unspoken peace suddenly came unspooled around them on a winter night.

As it is, though, it’s ten minutes to midnight and Adam is tired. The end of the semester is fast approaching, Aglionby teachers apparently trying their best to fit as many test as they can in the last few days; his shift at Boyd’s has been relentless today, the garage drastically understaffed because three of the mechanics are home with the flu. He stayed up until 3am last night revising for an algebra quiz, skipped today’s lunch in favour of cramming in some last-minute Latin homework, and he knows tomorrow’s schedule is not looking any better. His stomach growls loudly, the grilled cheese sandwich he had for dinner not nearly enough to make up for the meal he missed, and all he wants is to crawl into bed and catch up on lost sleep, but he has college applications to write; he has sent out most of them already, but there are still a few he needs to finalise by the end of December, and they’re not going to write themselves.

He’s so absorbed in his work that he barely hears the first knock on the door, his head only jerking up when a second round of knocks comes, louder and more impatient. There’s no question of who it is – there’s only one person it could be at this time of night – and normally Adam would go greet him at the door, kiss him, pull him inside by his belt loops. Tonight, though, he’s just so exhausted and hungry and done that he can’t even bring himself to get up. “Come in,” he calls out wearily, scratching out a mistake in the rough draft of his cover letter.

Ronan walks in, bringing with him an eddy of cold night air and a metaphorical storm cloud over his head. Adam doesn’t know what it is, exactly – but something in him picks up on Ronan’s obvious bad mood, and his own already grim mood ricochets dully off it, grating at his patience.

“God, Parrish, how the fuck are you still working?” That tone, the bored, casually dismissive one, has not made an appearance since before – before the demon, before Aurora, before the kissing and this newborn thing between them. Adam can’t say he’s missed it, and his hackles instinctively rise with the muscle memory of a dozen previous fights.

“Because I have no choice,” he huffs, dryly. “I could’ve been more ahead of schedule if I hadn’t had to spend all of lunch break on Latin homework. I tried calling you to check if I had the vocabulary right, but you didn’t pick up.” As you never do, is the unspoken but still obvious add-on to that sentence. Adam knows it’s petty, but he can’t keep the petulance out of his voice. This is another thing he had expected to change after, even though he had no logical grounds for it, and it annoys him to be proven wrong.

“I was out,” Ronan shrugs, apparently unperturbed, but he has felt the silent barb, and his own defenses rise in response, in an all-too-familiar mechanism: guilt leading to self-deprecation leading to insecurity leading to anger. His shoulders are tense as he props himself down on the floor against Adam’s bed.

Adam watches him out of the corner of his eyes. Ronan is a spring coiled tight, the black cloud trailing after him apparently only getting denser and denser as he chews restlessly at the leather bands on his wrist. His eyes are bright and his cheeks are pink, as if he’d been driving with his windows down. As if–

Adam puts his pen down with deliberate calm.

“Have you been racing?”

Ronan snorts. “Okay, Gansey.”

Adam turns to look at him more fully, and despite the fact that yes, historically it’s Gansey who’s been the one dealing with a street-racing Ronan, Adam has still seen it often enough to know the signs. The adrenaline crackling in and around him, the restless way he taps his boot against the floor, the combative glint in his eyes.

“Well, have you?”

“So what if I have?” it’s a childish response, and once upon a time, Adam might have fired back something cutting for that alone, rolling his eyes at Ronan’s antics. Now, he knows better than to do that, but he’s unable to stop his thoughts from derailing frantically in another direction.

It’s mid-December. Even in Virginia, the weather has been hostile, especially over the past week, with on-and-off spells of merciless rain, which combined with the temperature dropping at night makes for a constant chill in the air. And it makes the roads freeze over at night.

There’s ice on the roads, and Ronan’s been racing.

Adam’s heartbeat picks up speed in his chest, going faster for every mile he imagines Ronan going over the speed limit, shooting down a poorly-lit country road, trying to outmaneuver some good-for-nothing delinquent.

“Are you an idiot?” he blurts out, before he can think better of it.

“What the fuck, Parrish? Just because you’re busy applying to fancy schools you don’t get to be all high and mighty with the resident drop-out,” Ronan sneers, but there’s a beat of genuine hurt under the sarcasm. Adam hears it, but he can’t make himself acknowledge it right now. His chest feels too tight, and his mind keeps reliving the same dreadful possibility.

Gas pedal. Gear shift. Wheels on slippery ice. Crash.

“I thought you’d stopped racing,” he says, forcing his voice to remain even.

Ronan shrugs. “It’s fun.”

That’s not a lie, not exactly; Ronan does love racing. But it’s a lie right now. Because this, this isn’t Ronan racing for fun. This is Ronan racing the way he did right after Niall died, or the way he did before he could master his night horrors. This is Ronan lost and helpless and grieving for his dead mother, reeling from almost losing his best friend, unmoored with the fear of Adam leaving for college. This is Ronan racing like maybe he doesn’t care so much if he wraps the BMW around a tree.

Adam slams his notebook closed. “Yeah? How fun is it going to be when you crash the damn car because you couldn’t be bothered to check if there’s ice on the ground?”

Ronan rolls his eyes. “Jesus, Parrish, can you relax and take the stick out of your ass for like five seconds?” he drawls. Adam knows, technically, that he’s just committed his first mistake: he’s getting angry, which means Ronan will act as infuriatingly aloof as he can to balance it out. But he can’t seem to stop himself, hurtling towards anger the same way he imagines the BMW skidding along a dark road to a fiery end.

He imagines Ronan on the ground, crushed under metal sheet and debris.

He sees Ronan on the ground, blood pooling around him as the demon unmakes him piece by painful piece, gasping for air and desperately creating with every ragged breath.

He can’t stand it.

“If you’re gonna be an asshole, you can just leave. I’ve got shit to do anyway,” he bites out, getting up and gesturing towards the door.

Ronan immediately gets up as well, hurt and rejection tumbling into anger. “Of course you do. Like you have time for anything apart from your fucking homework.”

“Oh, give me a break, Lynch” Adam exclaims, his voice rising in volume despite his best efforts. “Excuse me for wanting a future. Not all of us care so little about their lives they can just drop out of school and spend all their time racing cars.”

“What the fuck is your problem, huh?” Ronan shoots back, stepping closer to him in the cramped little room. “No, really, what crawled up your ass and died? It’s none of your business what I do with my free time now I’m not stuck in that shithole of a school anymore.”

It’s a sore spot – unlike Gansey, Adam has always recognised the futility of trying to force Ronan to stay in school against his wishes, but it doesn’t mean he agrees with the choice. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss him. He can’t help himself from leaning closer, into Ronan’s personal space, matching him step for step.

“Right, of course, because sticking it out a few more months in high school was gonna kill you, but speeding down frozen roads in the dark for shits and giggles isn’t.”

“Jesus Christ, would you get the hell off my back?! I’m fucking good at driving, and I know what I’m doing! Why the fuck do you even care if I race?”

“Because I almost lost you!” Adam all but yells at him. His fists clench spasmodically at his sides, and he feels the bite of it, wondering if he’s broken skin; he wants to punch a wall, kick a chair, something, but every time the idea of violence crosses his mind he sees Blue’s frightened face, and a wave of self-loathing clamps his muscles into place.

Ronan seems to be similarly frozen into place, his eyes wide. They’re both breathing hard, despite standing perfectly still. Adam takes a shameful step back, unable to meet Ronan’s eyes, his fists still balled hard at his sides.

“You don’t know– you have no idea–” he starts, low and unsteady, his traitorous accent weighing on every vowel. “I had to watch as that thing took you apart. Watch as it killed you. I thought it was over. I thought you–” his voice cracks and he shakes his head, biting down on his lip to keep his eyes from welling up, because he’s not doing this, he can’t do this – but he is anyway, his ribs constricting around his lungs painfully, his throat working uselessly against a lump. Everything inside him is chaos, knocked asunder with the knowledge of how Ronan – this miraculous boy, this god-like dreamer – is ultimately just as fragile as any human, perhaps more so because of how much life he holds within himself.

He sees, again, Ronan unmade by the demon, but he also sees Ronan drowning in Cabeswater, sinking in acid to try to save Opal; he remembers the desperation with which he’d tethered himself to the ley line and asked Cabeswater to please save him please please save him just save him. He remembers Ronan’s dream double, lying on the floor of the church they’re standing above just now, convulsing and bleeding out, looking so much like the real Ronan that even the memory twists Adam’s stomach painfully. He remembers rushing to the hospital after getting a panicked phone call from Gansey and seeing Ronan in a hospital bed, pale as death, his arms bandaged with red-stained gauze.

He remembers his own hands clenching around Ronan’s throat to choke the life out of him.

The fear and disgust are an almost physical weight on his chest, and he still can’t bring himself to look at Ronan, even as he finds his voice.

“I know maybe you don’t care about your life right now,” he says quietly. “But if you care about me at all, even a little bit– please, please, just– stay alive.” He closes his eyes, recognising the battle as lost when he feels dampness against his eyelashes but too tired to care, sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion and emotional upheaval getting the better of him.

The next moment, Ronan’s hands are on his, taking hold of his fists and gently teasing them open. Adam looks up through slightly blurry eyes to see angry red crescent marks on his palms, and Ronan running his thumbs over them. Ronan’s face is doing complicated things, regret and confusion and grief warring with each other, his eyes still wide with something like wonder. “I’m sorry,” he says, looking helpless, like he doesn’t think that’s enough. Adam blinks back more tears and thinks somewhat hysterically that this is the first time Ronan’s ever apologised first for a fight.

“God, don’t– I’m the one who should–” Adam stumbles, then heaves out a ragged sigh. “Don’t be sorry. Be safe.”

He allows himself to look at Ronan’s face more steadily, and watches his expression shift through something like shame, then pain, his eyes very bright, like maybe he’s close to crying as well, and Adam’s heart flips over in his chest, wishing desperately he could undo the entire night, go back to before they ever fought. Ronan brings Adam’s hand up to his cheek, presses the palm there, then turns his head just enough to brush his lips to it, barely a kiss.

“It hurts,” Ronan says in a very small voice, breath warm against his hand. It’s vague, and he doesn’t offer any clarification, but Adam knows what he means. Losing Aurora, losing Cabeswater, losing Gansey without knowing how they were going to get him back, his treacherous dreams telling him he’s going to lose Adam as well.

Adam is new to love, but he thinks he’s starting to understand loss, because for the first time in his life he feels he has things to lose. He thinks about Persephone, the first adult to ever be good to him. He thinks about Cabeswater, whose absence still feels like a gaping hole in his chest. He thinks again about the possibility of losing Ronan, losing Gansey, losing Blue, losing Opal, and his hands tighten around Ronan’s.

“I know,” he says. “I’m sorry.” He means it in more ways than he can put words to, his eyes dropping to the floor again. But Ronan, perceptive as he can sometimes be – and Adam knows this by now, should be used to it, but it somehow always blindsides him – seems to pick up on it anyway.

“Parrish,” he says softly, “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

“I know,” Adam murmurs. Unlike Ronan, he’s no stranger to lying. He knows that it’s not his fault – not technically. But all he can think of is the demon using his hands to strangle Ronan, the demon using his eyes to spy on them. Ronan’s hands covered in Aurora’s blood and Adam standing by, unable to help, a useless magician.

“Adam,” Ronan says, more steady now. “It’s not your fault.” He slides Adam’s hand down, to rest against his neck, thumb pressed to the pulse point. Fear lurches deep in Adam’s gut as he instinctively recoils, trying to take his hand back. Ronan doesn’t let him.

Instead, Ronan – stubborn, impossible Ronan – takes his other hand and places it on his throat as well, an achingly tender mimicry of Adam’s worst nightmare.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeats, conviction weighing in every word. “That was not you. It could never be you.”

“Ronan,” Adam tries to protest, with a note of pleading. Ronan’s throat is warm and smooth and alive, and he forces his hands to stay as limp as they can and resist the urge to touch.

“Adam.”

They just look at each other for a long moment. It probably looks stupid from the outside, Adam thinks distantly; but all he wants right now is to collapse against Ronan’s chest, to hide his face into his shoulder, to listen to his heartbeat’s constant reminder that they’ve won, they’re alive, they get to have this.

“I trust you,” Ronan says, his tone gentler than it is on most occasions. Adam is reminded fleetingly of baby mice and baby ravens, back when he was still discovering that Ronan wasn’t all sharp edges and thorns.

“What if I don’t trust myself?”

“Then you’re an idiot,” Ronan replies easily. “But it’s okay, because I trust you enough for both of us.”

Adam swallows, the motion almost painful. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I trust you more than anyone.” It’s the truth, because Ronan never lies.

Adam wants to cry again, but he doesn’t. Instead he allows his hands to move, to settle more firmly around Ronan’s neck, not pushing but feeling, gently pressing his index fingertips to the spot behind Ronan’s ears, his thumbs to the pulse under his chin, all smooth skin and rough stubble.

Ronan closes his eyes and lets out a long exhale from his mouth, letting his hands fall off of Adam’s as if giving Adam control has dislodged a weight from his shoulders, allowing him to breathe more easily.

The sudden surge of love clutching at Adam’s heart right then is stronger than even the ley line coming to life inside him, and he can’t help himself from chasing that exhale, pressing his lips to Ronan’s, softly at first, then more firmly, again and again and again. When they part for breath, their foreheads stay touching, Adam’s head tilted back slightly with the height difference he pretends to be bothered by.

“Can we like, go for hot chocolate or somethin’?” He almost kicks himself for how trivial of a question that is to alight upon, his Henrietta accent making it even more prosaic, but right now, all he wants is to stay close to Ronan, to forget about demons and death and sorrow and just revel in everything they haven’t lost, sitting together like two normal teenagers in the booth of a 24 hour diner.

Ronan lets out a surprised laugh, and when Adam looks up to see, with relief, Ronan’s eyes crinkling up with a smile, he thinks maybe that wasn’t the wrong question to ask after all.

“Thought you had homework,” Ronan says, his voice rough.

“Fuck homework,” Adam replies, and Ronan sucks in a breath, only half for show.

“Parrish,” he says, “you’ve literally never been hotter to me than in this exact moment.”

“Fuck off,” Adam laughs.

“Damn, it gets better and better,” Ronan comments on a wolf-whistle, not missing a beat.

Adam rolls his eyes at him, grinning, but then a thought makes him sober up for a moment. “I think we need to get better. At this talking thing, I mean.”

Ronan makes a face of exaggerated distaste, everything in him rebelling at the idea of conversations about feelings.

“You know I’m right,” Adam says.

“I didn’t say you were wrong,” Ronan mutters, then offers: “I’ll… pick up my phone?”

“It’s a start,” Adam concedes, amusedly, even though that’s not the real problem and they both know it.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you couldn’t survive Latin class without my help,” Ronan shrugs with false modesty.

“Right,” Adam drawls. “Anyway. I’ll… try not to freak out about things?”

“Sounds fake,” Ronan hums, poking his nose at Adam’s cheek.

“Your face sounds fake.”

“That doesn’t even make sense, Parrish. Maybe they shouldn’t make you valedictorian after all.”

“Maybe, but your ass better stay alive till graduation, ‘cause I want you there anyway.”

“Yeah. I guess I better,” Ronan replies simply, but his tone is serious; it’s a promise, and they both know it.

Adam nods. “Hot chocolate?”

“Hot chocolate,” Ronan nods back. “Whipped cream and a metric fuckton of marshmallows?”

Adam’s stomach growls at a frankly ridiculous level of decibels, which would be mortifying except for the carefree way Ronan laughs at that, which kind of makes it worth it.

“Shut up,” Adam mutters without any heat, trying to hold back a smile. His ears feel warm.

“Let’s get some marshmallows in you, Einstein,” Ronan chuckles, kissing his cheek.

The drive to the diner is quiet, and Ronan keeps carefully below the speed limit. That’s not new per se, as he’s taken to doing it more and more when Adam’s in the car with him, but it feels especially significant tonight. Like an assurance, maybe. Adam stares at Ronan’s profile in the dim light, all sharp and handsome lines, and enjoys the simple pleasure of knowing that they have each other, that moments like these are theirs and theirs alone.

“I used to wonder how long it would take before we fought again,” he says, without really deciding to. “I think maybe I thought we wouldn’t, but clearly that was dumb of me.”

“Ah.” Ronan’s tone gives nothing away, but the tightening of his jaw loudly broadcasts his fears – that Adam will decide this is too much effort, that it’s too much work, that it’s more trouble than Ronan’s worth.

“Yeah. How else are we supposed to do better if we never fuck up?”

It’s clearly not what Ronan was expecting, and as he takes the last turn for the diner, a small, almost surprised smile plays around his lips. He glances at Adam out of the corner of his eyes, the motion practiced and familiar; Adam, as always, looks back, feeling a burst of simple, uncomplicated satisfaction bloom in his chest as he rests his head on top of Ronan’s on the gear stick.

They’re going to be okay.

[clonerightsagenda]

TLC DVD commentary: Vriska’s arc, pt 2

I'm back at it responding to a request to discuss Vriska's arc in TLC. Since this is commentary on her story overall I won't dive too deep into any single scene, although I'll skim through them. Part of the reason we tag updates is for people to see them, but mostly I use the character indexing so I can reference specific scenes as needed. It has saved so much time.

As some general notes, as I said before, I'm skeptical of "redemptions" where someone says "yeah I regret what I did". Post-retcon Vriska pays lip service to that, but she doubles down on her abusive behavior, so I'm not convinced. I wanted to make sure TLC Vriska actually demonstrated growth and change. However, she has a tendency to take over the story. Luckily, the dreambubbles are a pretty good quarantine. You'll notice that although she gets the most updates out of Team Dreaming Dead, she doesn't really impact the story in any direct way. Sure, she delays/distracts Lord English, but we could've left that out and just had him show up as needed, and people would've accepted that as part of the narrative. So Vriska doesn't get to be the super relevant hero of the story the way she wants to be, but what she does get to do is grow up a little, even if she physically can't.

After Meenah and Aranea die, Vriska ends up enlisting with the ghost 'army', for lack of a better word. While before she was in charge of a bunch of dreamers that she used as 88, now *she* is 88 protecting them. Her situation has flipped upside down, including in that while at one point she was bossing Tavros around, he is now in a position of command. I had been planning for Tavros to show up leading the ghosts, and when it happened in canon, I was like oh hey, look at that. Then, after showing up the person who's treated him so horribly, Tavros is promptly subordinated by her again. I was rather miffed by this. In TLC, Tavros is calling the shots. That makes sense to me. The dream bubbles sap people's wills, and Breath players seem to be the best antidote. Vriska livens up after being merged with Tavros, and the treasure hunt loses steam after John bails. Tavros is the perfect person to keep the ghosts energized and focused. As I've acknowledged before, part of Vriska's abusive behavior comes from her conditioning by Alternia and her situation with her lusus, although that is not an excuse. Tavros was abused by her in turn... and when he is in a position of power, he doesn't misuse it. The cycle of passing pain along ends here.

Ok, looking at some scenes in depth... When Vriska is upset, she uses 8s for way more vowels, and right after Meenah and Aranea's death, they're all over the place. Meanwhile, Aradia is making heavy use of the Socratic method here, not passing judgment but asking leading questions to try to get Vriska to realize some things about herself. Aradia has been doing this for a while. She’s gotten good at gently guiding spirits in the right direction. 

VRISKA: They were 8mp8rt8nt t8 VRISKA: T8 the missi8n.

I've posted about this before, but a tricky thing w/ writing Homestuck is that the characters' voices are established through online communication, and we talk very differently in person than online. Online, we have a lot more opportunities to choose our words and convey an artificial persona. However, especially if you're doing a fic w/ someone else's characters, you don't want to deviate too much, because then it sounds wrong. It's a tough balance to strike. One addition I made to spoken word logs was people cutting themselves off, talking over themselves, or leaving sentences dangling. You can add some extra meanings there, or just indicate distress and uncertainty.

VRISKA: Anything is better than n8thing. VRISKA: That's why I had t8 d8 something. VRISKA: It's this pl8ce. VRISKA: If you st8nd still for too long, you get stuck in the s8me stupid cycles of v8pid teen 8ullshit forever. VRISKA: T8lking and t8lking 8b8ut n8thing while the w8rld 8r8und y8u 8r8ks 8p8rt. VRISKA: I had to 8r8k out of that! VRISKA: I had to keep g8ing 8r VRISKA: Or I'd 8e really dead.

It's easy to forget with the existence of an afterlife and a life/death revolving door, but Vriska is a kid who died at thirteen, and recent events have driven that home for her. It's hard to think that your story is over, and life goes on without you, especially when you're young and tend to be more solipsistic. That's one of the drivers of her behavior. If she lets go and stops struggling, she has to admit she's dead, which is hard to bear.

Gill calls page 519 the 'put me in coach, I'm ready!' panel.

Anyway, Vriska joins up, primarily for vengeance. Most of that is offscreen, although we've got a bit in the Vriskagram flash. That flash exists entirely because we wanted at least some practice on getting something audiovisual up on mspfa, youtube, and tumblr before we did an actually important flash. It's near the top of my list for the Director's Cut to add in a lot more character dev for Team Dreaming Dead members (plus Sollux and Aradia who are team liminal or something.) Perhaps Gill will even put fewer OCs in the remake. (This shows me it's rather silly to act like her drawing everyone in Metal Gear outfits is some huge burden. She has always pulled this shit.) However, there is indication that Vriska has started taking her job a little more personally and is becoming invested in the safety of the dreamers. Progress.

Of course, Vriska is all about appearances and bravado, so she's not going to admit it. In her conversation with Eridan she claims to be one of the good guys but is rather dismissive about their ideals, and it's intentionally ambiguous how much she's sincere about. (As a writing sidenote, Vriska often refers to her fellow trolls by their last name, probably as a gesture of ironic distance. Later, I no longer have her do that. That could indicate character dev but is also a matter of practicality. If you're dealing with thousands of versions of one person, it's hard enough knowing who you mean when you use their first name, let alone their surname.)

We get more sincerity from her when she talks to John. That's usually who she's most likely to open up to, because John tends to be less judgmental, and Vriska gets defensive very quickly. With John, who sort of served as a morality guide earlier, she seeks absolution, eagerly saying she's changed her ways and it should all be fine now. Unfortunately, Vriska's attempts to push bad stuff under the rug crashes directly into John's attempts to push bad stuff under the rug and he has a mental breakdown. Afterward, although Vriska is taking some steps to improve herself, he suggests she clear the air with her former victims. Although she's reluctant, John has suggestion powers, probably linked to his aspect. Often, when he tells someone to do something, they end up doing it, especially if it's in line with their own inclinations or suppressed urges. (I think puppets aren't that cool. Why don't you fly away and never come back? Why can't space and time work the way I want it to?) At least he Breath-hexes Vriska in a constructive way.

VRISKA: I guess there's ONE person I'd like to clear the air with. VRISKA: I'll skip the 8r8kdown part though.

Me, lurking overhead with my .txt files open. No, Vriska, you are both going to scream and cry about it.

You'll notice that Vriska frequently adjusts her outfit and/or hairstyle. Again, this is part of her whole appearances routine. She's not quite sure what her new facade is going to be, so she keeps trying various ones out.

Sidenote for the bonus panel log

TAVROS: aND ARADIA SAID SOMEONE WAS ARRIVING SOON, wHO SHE WANTED TO TALK TO TAVROS: sO SHE’S WAITING FOR THEM VRISKA: Wonder who 8it the dust. VRISKA: Do you think it was someone we knew? TAVROS: iT COULD BE ANYONE,, fROM ANY TIME TAVROS: ,,yOU KNOW THERE’S A LAG, sOMETIMES

Aradia's lurking around to give Dave his peptalk. Gotta roll the carpet out for your fellow Time hero.

And we're up to the last Vriska, Terezi, and Kanaya conversation and her exit. I feel like that deserves its own separate post, which I will work on later.

[punkakess]

Samurai AU

This my contribuition for the first day of the GratsuAUWeek, hope you guys enjoy and I’m sorry for any mistakes and i know it’s a day late...^^

The days had turned short, the rays of sun losing its strong heat to the cool air that blow from the ocean and travel all the way into the country. As the night quickly took over and the moon climb up high, the ground frosts over, dew rendering itself to the cold that come with the goom.

Gray’s steps are light and calculated, his posture strong and firm yet elegant, long legs parting just enough to keep the speed of his walk, but sufficient in its shortness to not give away his haste. However, despite the graceful gait, small frosted droplets of water still crunched quietly under his feet. Natsu chuckled low, lifting a hand to his mouth in a futile attempt of muffling the sounds he knew would annoy Gray.

“What are you laughing so suddenly at, idiot?” Came the expected question, spoke only after the dark haired samurai had looked around to confirm his solitude.

A simple shrug was all Natsu offered as an answer, while he mulled over the decision of telling or not to his partner what was on his very bored mind. It was mean and most likely not true, but Natsu had nothing more interesting to do and the reaction his little joke would bring forth wouldn’t be serious enough to deter Gray from his pace or even take away his focus, really.

Smiling mischievous, Natsu skipped ahead while pulling his arms behind his head, his tail twitched by his back in anticipation “Ne, Gray. Don’t you think you should control your appetite more?” The young man looked him sideways, suspicion and irritation clear in his face.

“What are you- Wait, I don’t want to hear that from you!” As soon as he realized he had lost a little bit of his composure, Gray quickly recovered with a noise from his throat, “Why are you saying this, anyway?”

Ah, so Gray did caught on the fact that Natsu’s question had being more of a statement. Once again shrugging, Natsu hugged one of his tails, rough fingers brushing the soft, salmon fur and twirling the very end of it, “Well, your steps aren’t as light as a few months ago. It’s turning sneaking around a more difficult task for you.”

A vein troubled on Gray’s temple and his hand touched the hilt of his katana in an automatic movement, “Are you calling me fat?”

“What? No, I would never. I’m just stating that you’ve probably gained a little weight in the last few weeks.” For a minute Natsu believed the vein would explode on the side of Gray’s forehead and he took a couple steps back to avoid the blood dirtying his clothes. Just because nobody would see the dark spots besides Gray, didn’t meant he wanted it anyway.

“So you’re calling me fat.” The raven stated with a bemused face, thumb circling the very tip on the hilt of his sword as a silent threat, one which Natsu ignored.

“Not fat, fatter.”

The sentence, spoke in such casual yet teasing tone, tipped Gray of off the edge of his control – not that he has a lot when it comes to the pink haired kitsune.  A growl escaped rosy lips and his hand unsheathed his Fubuki a few mere centimeters. Another hand stopped the movement, however and Gray hissed at the light scratch of claws on his pale skin. Natsu used his hold to approach the youngest until they were breathing the same air and supple lips touched a slightly red ear.

“If you don't want to draw attention to yourself, I suggest you don't cause a scene or make too much noise.” a shiver, that wasn't originated from cold, shook Gray’s body and Natsu smirked in victory.

Before backing away, he let his tongue snake over shell of the same body part. The answer was a shove on his chest where he rubbed after stumbling away, “Why do I still stick by your side?”

“Honestly?” Gray merely nodded in confirmation, but it was enough for the kitsune, “Because I make you an awesome samurai.”

“I’d probably still be good without you.”

“And probably dead. How many times have I saved you already?” Not having a retort, the raven rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, before forcefully focusing on the task at hand.

Natsu had told Gray the enemy would try a surprise attack on the camp, where the warriors slept. According with what he had heard while prowling around the enemy's territory, they would attempt to kill Commander Scarlet, knowing she was the mastermind behind all war strategies. What they weren’t aware of was the young samurai who had being graced by Kami with a youkai as protector. A kitsune no one but Gray could see and would often spy on their opponent to collect Intel. For all his allies, Gray was a young man with a gift of guessing the decisions the enemy might take. Sometimes, his guesses would be a little of, maybe sooner than necessary, but never too wrong to the point of causing prejudice.

The pair came to a stop, halting right in front of the commander’s bedchambers. There were hushed voices the tin paper, which composed the shouji,couldn’t hold in. The sounds took away Gray’s hesitance, once he knew his visit would not wake Erza. He loudly climbed the two steps leading to the small tatami deck, as a way to alert his superior of his presence and cleared his throat.

“Forgive me, Shirei-kan, but I have an important matter to discuss with you.” Rustling could be heard and Gray readied himself to be scolded for the inappropriate hour.

“Is it urgent?” Came the strong but slightly high pinched voice.

“I believe so, Shirei-kan.”

“Very well, enter.” Gray did as ordered, sliding the door open and promptly kneeling by the side of Erza’s futon, where she sat, casually dressed in pajamas, he caught a glimpse of Jellal living the room and probably posting himslef as a guard by the front door,  “What can I do for you, Gray?”

“Shirei- I mean, Erza-sama.” She smiled sweetly, and Natsu knew she was happy Gray had treated her more casually then normal, they had known each other for years yet Gray insisted with the formality, “I’m afraid I bring bad news.” She frowned, but signalized for him to proceed, “I believe the enemy is plotting a surprise attack to our side lines, with the intention to murder you. It’s not a secret you’re our mastermind and one of the main reasons this war is in our favor.”

“Are you sure of it, Gray?” She question calmly, but both Natsu and Gray could see the moment her body went rigid, the raven nodded solemnly, “When are they planning to attack?”

“In two nights…or so” He remembered to add the cell of uncertainty to avoid Erza realizing his surety, otherwise it would be suspicious.

“Why do you think, they’re planning this attack?”

Gray bit his lip, trying to remember all the clues Natsu had caught on and had driven him to inspect the enemy, “Lately they’ve been too passive and during battles, their champions are avoiding confrontation. I suppose it’s all in preparation to the attack.”

Natsu tsked beside Gray, annoyed the raven had used his exact words, but didn’t do nothing, preferring to let it slide, knowing he had no right to be mad after the little mischief he had done. The result would come at any moment now. His enhanced ears strained to hear the light steps of intruders and the sizzle of swords being unsheathed. Oh the approaching battle would be fun, maybe it would tip the war, but as a youkai, Natsu didn’t care, his duty was to protect Gray and nothing else.

“Sometimes, your talent to observe and guess amaze me, Gray.” Erza said in a friendly voice, her expression soft “Kami truly blessed you with-”

The echo of a shout reverberated throughout the camp and both samurais freezed. For a few seconds, silence reigned over the side lines until another low wail resounded. Gray took advantage of Erza’s focus on the general direction the screams came form and looked at Natsu inquisitively. The kitsune lifted both shoulders in a careless movement and, even knowing the Commander wouldn’t hear him, he whispered surprise attack. Gray’s blue eyes immediately turned wide and he was about to warn Erza when the noise of a body falling reached their ears. For a moment static filled the air and then a group of men opened the door with more force than necessary.

Without wasting time, the two samurais arose to their feet quickly, reaching for their katanas. There wasn’t any time to stare at the assailants as the clash came fast and merciless. Erza and Gray were outnumbered, but that posted no problem, they knew what they were doing and Natsu was by their side, even if the only one aware of it was Gray.

Blades kissed furiously, producing hissing sounds, sometimes clashing so violently sparks would fly from the place of impact. Bodies twirled and ducked with speed and precision. Humans sought to kill and protect and Natsu skipped around, pulling on someone shoes or sleeves, pushing a man or making another trip, lifting a tail or two to fend of swords that got too close to Gray’s blind spots. There wouldn’t be any if Gray wasn’t so adamant in protecting Erza.

“Help me protect Erza, they’re more focused on her then on me.” Gray demanded and earned an exasperated look in return.

“And who will protect you?” Natsu countered, expression frustrated.

“Don’t mind me, Erza is the Commander!”

Gray was frantic but Natsu was having none of that. It wasn’t his duty to protect the red haired woman, she could die for all he cared. Someone more competent like Gray could fill the post of Commander quickly, perhaps. Yeah, Gray would be a great Commander, the kitsune thought. With Natsu, his abilities were almost invincible and raven’s intelligence along with his millenary experience would form a great combo. Imagine the things and places they could conqueror.

While Natsu lost himself among his wonderings, the quick slide of Gray’ body towards Erza escaped his perception. Only when a katana pierced through the dark haired samurai’s torso did the kitsune realized what his partner was doing. If Natsu wasn’t going to protect Erza, than Gray would.

Time slowed down before Natsu’s emerald like eyes. He watched as the body of his lover fell ungracefully to the tatami floor, kneeling with both hands over the deadly wound marring his flesh. For a mere moment his sky colored eyes fixed Natsu and a small smile split his bloody lips. It was forgiveness and guilty, a goodbye and a promise of a next encounter, perhaps in another life. It was a confession. I love you.

A blade licked at the fragile skin on his neck, cutting deep and splattering blood on the closer wall, on the murder and on Natsu, who had approached unconsciously. A scream ripped itself from the pink haired youkai and everything around fell silent as the wail exploded in a ball of burning orange and yellow fire. The barrack is rendered to debris and all people around burned to ashes, falling victims of the kyubi no kitsune’s fury and grief.

Natsu kneeled and cradled Gray’s corpse to his chest, unmindful of the blood which painted his kimono and haori. He whispered denies and begs of forgiveness, late confessions and pleads for miracles. Guilty clawed at his heart for his mischievous nature, blood-thirsty temperament finally brought misfortune upon his life.

Carefully, he took Gray’s hand in his own, examining the slight difference of their skin color and than brought it to his face. It brushed his mask, creating crimson patterns in it before touching his cheek. Gray’s fingers were cold, they were always cool, wouldn’t warm up in no way, but this was different. I felt empty and unforgiving. Natsu already missed the old coolness, already missed his lover.

“Come back to me, Gray.”

[clarencenicholsonata]

Email Marketing for Lawyers: 12 Tips & Tools to Increase Clients

Email marketing is one of the most underrated methods of digital marketing. It's also one of the best ways for professionals and freelancers to grow their reach.

Popular professionals like Gary Vee and Marie Forleo have built their online empire with the help of email marketing campaigns and offers.

We all know that social media (ads) are a popular option for brands to generate revenue, but according to the CNBC survey, workers between ages 25 and 34 spend 6.4 hours a day checking their email.

Unlike social media, more than a third of this age group regularly check their email before they even get out of bed.

If this sounds like your demographic, keep reading. I'll be teaching you the best email marketing tips, along with email marketing tools every lawyer needs and how to use these tips effectively.

How Do You Collect Emails from Customers

Before we dive in, if you're new to email marketing, then I'd like you to start collecting customer data and emails. You can craft the perfect email, but if you have no one to send it to, you won't see much results.

Around 61% of consumers are fine with data collection as long as brands give them a more personalized experience in return.

You can collect data about your email subscribers voluntarily with opt-in forms or website popups placed on your website and content. Be sure to ask for their full name and email; any additional information is just fluff.

Wishpond's simple drag-and-drop editor makes it easy for anyone to create amazing popups, without the need for designing or programming knowledge.

Lawyer Email Marketing Tip #1: Know Your Audience

Gone are the days when selling was the most important thing about, well selling. Today customers want a more tailored experience, and they don't want to be another name on your list.

Instead, they want to feel heard, understood by the profession they choose to represent them in the law.

The first step to crafting a killer email is to know your audience, who exactly you are writing this email for, and why they should open it, much less read it.

You could have the perfect email copy, but it's written for the wrong audience. Instead of throwing out a wide net and hoping to catch anything, you can position yourself in a sweet place that speaks to the ideal client you'd like to pay for your services to get quality email leads.

Email Example: Landerholm Family Law

Five Things Your Audience Can Teach You about Email

What type of jargon you should use in your emails

What buzzword or power words to use in subject lines

How long or short your email should be

The variety of topics you can write about

What time you can send your emails for higher open rates

Lawyer Email Marketing Tip #2: Write An Amazing Subject Line

Your subject line is the first thing your customers see before they open the email. It's the difference between a potential lead or another email thrown in the trash.

Mailer Lite said it best, "Treat your subject line like the movie trailer. Give a preview, so they know what to expect."

Subject lines affect your open rate and increase your chances of success far more than the copy instead of your email. Try to spend most of your time a/b testing your subject lines as often as you can.

Five Things to Consider For Your Email Subject Line

Consider your subject line as a headline, because it is. You can use these headline formulas to guide you.

Most people use mobile to read their emails on the go; if the subject line is too long, they won't see all the words and most likely won't click to read. The perfect subject line should be eight words max.

When you use power words in your headlines, it piques your reader's interest and drives them to click.

Avoid clickbait subject lines unless you want to be marked as a spammer by your readers or their email provider.

A/B test your subject lines. It may seem like a lot of work, but this practice can help you to find the best subject lines to generate the most conversions.

Here are some guides on how to craft the perfect subject lines for your business:

5 Guaranteed Ways to Craft the Best Email Subject Lines for Sales.

13 Clickable Email Subject Line Examples Your Customers Will Love

Wishpond's Email Marketing Master Class for Beginners

Lawyer Email Marketing Tip #3: Keep Your Emails Short

No one's going to sit down and read an endless story about your practice as a lawyer, and people have short attention spans and even less patience for wordy emails. If you want to write more than 150 words, you can put it in a blog, not your email.

Let's be honest we get massive amounts of emails every day and a long list of things to do, so the last thing anyone wants is an email that feels like an endless epistle.

Keep your emails short, straight to the point, and filled with content only your readers care about because, at the end of the day, you can list all your achievements, but all readers care about is what you can do for them.

Let them know that your email provides a solution to a problem they want to be fixed. How you are helping and what you want them to do to get that solution.

Email Example: Dorcey Law Firm

3 Marketing Secrets to Writing Shorter Emails:

Short sentences allow readers to skip through faster and forces you to write only the necessaries you want, so you get your point across.

Set a word limit and stick to it, you can use a word counter like Word Counter or try highlighting your text and pressing Ctrl+Shift+C in Google doc or Microsoft word to view your word count.

One tip that helps, imagine that you have to pay $1 for every word you write. If your email looks like it's going to break the bank, time to trim it down to a shoestring budget.

Lawyer Email Marketing Tip #4: Write About Benefits, Not About You

It's not you. It's them. People are hardwired to point out benefits that can make their lives easier.

When it comes to getting customers with email marketing campaigns, the most important thing is to highlight your value proposition or benefits.

Wishpond has fantastic features like landing page creation, email marketing automation, and more. What our customers really care about is the fact that we can help them market their business more effectively and easily without the hassle of using multiple tools, this is the perfect example of listing the benefits you offer.

Explain the value of your service and what it is so your readers can quickly see how they themselves benefit from you as their lawyer.

4 Ways to Highlight Benefits that Sell:

Use testimonials stories about the benefits of your service.

Show real statistics resulting from a customer using your service.

Show off your credentials and how they help your reader.

Highlight big or small brands that you've helped along the way.

Lawyer Email Marketing Tip #5: Segment Your Emails

Email segmentation allows readers to see relevant content they're interested in to encourage them to stay subscribed.

As a lawyer, you have different cases, for example, if you're a divorce lawyer, the email you send to a young couple divorcing without kids will differ from an email you'll send to an old couple divorcing with kids. They have two different lifestyles that require special services/requests for their situation.

According to a study by the Direct Marketing Association, segmented and targeted emails generated 58% of all revenue for the marketers surveyed, and 36% of revenues were driven by emails sent to segmented target audiences.

There's no rule of thumb to segmenting your emails; it's all based on your customer interest and what your email goals are. But here are some ways you can segment your email if you're just starting.

If you want to be even more effective with your emails, then segment your email list based on income, law services, or geographic location.

Most lawyers (if they decide to send emails) will most likely send to all, but smart lawyers, marketing-savvy lawyers, know that extra effort pays off in the end when it comes to marketing.

Lawyer Email Marketing #6: Send Follow-Up Emails

Sending one email is not going to increase your client list massively; in fact, it would probably take a series of emails before you start booking appointments for your services.

You need to add a follow-up strategy to an email marketing campaign, or you're not going to get any conversions any time soon.

Follow up emails may seem like a bother to some readers, but to others, it's a gentle reminder that you're still interested in working with/for them.

Let's be honest we get hundreds of emails a week, even if we get an email that we're interested in, it's lost in our inbox or forgotten due to our day to day activities. That's why you should always try to stay at the top of your reader's inbox.

When you send a follow-up email, try to use testimonials showing off your old or current clients to draw readers in or reintroduce the benefits of your services to the reader to remind them why you're the best choice for a lawyer.

Six Email Marketing Tools Every Lawyer Needs

1. Wishpond Email Marketing Tool

Overview: Awarded the G2 Crowd' 's 2019 "High Performer" for Best Emailing Marketing Software category based on its high levels of customer satisfaction and easy-to-use email campaigns.

Wishpond's email marketing platform integrates with many platforms, including Mail Chimp, Shopify, Salesforce, Campaign Monitor and Facebook, and so much more. Easily capture leads with forms and integrate them with your CRM platform. Not to mention built-in marketing automation

You can manage your email marketing campaigns on your own, or if you have your hands full, allow our expert marketers to manage it for you, the choice is yours.

Free Demo Available: Yes

Ready to Learn More: Click here!

2. Grammarly

Overview: Grammarly is a proofreading and editing tool, as well as a personal favorite for the Wishpond Content Team. Grammarly helps to structure your sentences properly, fix common grammatical errors, and it has a built-in thesaurus to expand your content's vocabulary.

Free Account Available: Yes

Cost: $29.95 /month

3. Mailshake Email Copy Analyzer

Overview: Let's say that you've just finished writing your email. Even a grammar nazi would be proud. But your copy's missing something you just can't quite put your finger on, Milkshakes Email Copy Analyzer can help you master email copy to help increase clicks and sign-ups.

Free Account Available: No, but a 30-day money-back guarantee is in place for new users.

Cost: $59-99/Monthly

4. Venngage

Overview: Venngage is an online design tool that helps marketers and small business owners visualize their ideas. Humans are visual creatures, and they retain images more than text.

Adding graphics and images to your email will give it a professional and memorable touch. Venngage makes it easy to pull off professional designs in minutes.

Free Account Available: Yes

Cost: $19-49/Monthly

5. Coschedule Headline Analyzer

Overview: Earlier we spoke about how much subject lines play a role in your email marketing success, instead of testing blindly here's a headline analyzer that can make it easier. It not only tells you how strong or effective your subject line is, but it shows you where and how to improve it. Test and compare subject lines, all with one tool!

Free Account Available: Yes

Cost: Zero

6. Dictionary.com Thesaurus

Overview: As a lawyer, you're trained in the art of law and defense; however, your client isn't as jargon savvy as you. Sometimes you'll need to use simple words in your email so your readers can understand what benefits you plan to deliver if they choose to work with you. This online thesaurus provides the best word alternatives to help you connect better with your readers. It's also a copywriter approved tool, so keep it close.

Free Account Available: Yes

Cost: Zero

Last But Not Least

Email Marketing is a marketing niche on its own. When done correctly can help to grow your practice and online brand presence. It's worth the investment.

There's a bit of a learning curve if you decide to do your email marketing, but even if you pass the task on to an expert, you should still and take the time to learn specific terms and email marketing metrics.

Here are the top email marketing courses online (Paid & free) you should consider taking to educate yourself on the power and world of email marketing.

Here are the six email marketing tips every lawyer should follow: *Send Follow-Up Emails *Segment Your Emails *Write About Benefits, Not About You *Keep Your Emails Short *Write An Amazing Subject Line *Know Your Audience

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What are some of the ways you're using email marketing to grow your business? Comment below and let me know!

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[purplefictionmom]

I want you to answer questions 1-25. >:3c

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?Right now, it’s ‘Journey to Heaven’s Gate’, mostly because I don’t see much enthusiasm for it and honestly maybe cause it isn’t as good? Eh, who knows lol

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?Honestly, my Left 4 Dead stories, at the moment. They were written on a whim at the request of a /lot/ of readers, and it basically took the joy out of it for me? It took the stories places I really didn’t want to take it, but hey, you work for comments and sometimes, you hate yourself for it.

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?Mostly chronological, though I have been known to skip out of order if a scene hits me, or if I realize I started at the wrong place.

4) favorite character you’ve writtenFor characters from fandoms: definitely Undyne, Mettaton and a few others from other fandomsfor OC’s, that would be a self-insert character, or my OC for rping Timmie.

5) character you were most surprised to end up writingDefinitely Mettaton from HIAPOTS; I didn’t think I was going to add him to the story (mostly cause he just doesn’t interest me as a writer), but low and behold there he is, haha.

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change nowIdk, honestly? I don’t think I understand this question, lol.

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?Depends on who, and then it depends on if I think they’re open to /all/ my writing, or just my original stuff, haha

8) favorite genre to writeI love to write and experiment with any and all, but I love writing adventures, fantasy and sci-fi; and fanfiction overall, really

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?Normally, inspiration hits whenever I hit a new fandom; and its even better if the new fandom helps me think about my other fandoms differently, or helps bring a fresh new take on things I’ve thought about endlessly.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?Any mix of these, really? I normally write the best alone with music, but I’ve been known to write in silence, or with people around me just as well. 

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?Dialogue, for sure, but I think everything’s gotten stronger with time.

12) your weaknesses as an authorUgh, definitely run-on sentences. I will use every punctuation I know to continue a thought before I’ll use the period, lol. 

13) your strengths as an authorI’ve been complimented on my ability to make people feel certain things when I write, lol. Other than that? Probably that I don’t usually find it hard to sit and write a certain number of words a day as a goal--whether its for a project or just writing in general to keep me sharp.

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?Sometimes? Its more often that I hear one or two songs that make me think of a certain WIP or a character from a WIP and I listen to that on repeat until I hate it, haha.

15) why did you start writing?I started small stories with I was really young, but didn’t get serious about it until I started writing bad poetry as a child to try and cope with my parent’s divorce. From there it was all downhill, haha.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?A few; some are waiting for me to actually write their stories, some haunt me cause my characterization was unfair. A few haunt me because of what they represent to me as a part of myself.

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?Start writing 2000 words a day and stop feeling guilty about ‘wasting’ your talent writing fanfiction. It’ll save you the heartache and let you enjoy it more.

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?Honestly, I try to take something out of everything I read, but there are a few things I read that helped me understand the scope of what I could write, and what it meant to tell a story.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?By the seat of my pants, honestly. The big details I remember easily, because that’s a part of characters that I know from head to toe. Its the small details that normally catch me.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?both, honestly? I prefer to have a long sit down session so I can keep my thoughts organized, but more and more I find myself sending out little spurts over my phone to my google docs.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?Gross. Lol. Well, honestly, most of it is so far removed from what I am now that I tend to see it more as a reminder of who I was at the time. I can read a few older pieces and remember exactly what fucked-up bullshit I believed at the time because of my family. Sometimes the real me won out and I can look back with a little more pride, but most of it is kinda gross.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?I’ll write about any subject, but I may not share it. There are some subjects that I think deserve a certain tone and understanding, and if you aren’t 100% sure that you gave those topics the understanding they needed, then sharing it would likely be a mistake. Hell, even if your 100% sure.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?Any and all, lol. My writing is more fluid if i can picture myself in the scene, so if I’ve done it, or seen someone do it, then awesome.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?God, all the time. I have so much useless knowledge in my head just because of the stories I’ve chosen to tell. 

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud ofHere you go, Elaina :D A nice little preview of our fic trade lol:

~*~*~*~

There was a comfort in that. Words didn’t have to be wasted, the two of them could find comfort for their pasts within the silence each other; the kind of silence where everything that could be said had already been uttered and there was no awkward ‘it’ll be ok’ or lies of trying to believe in a future one could hardly guess at. Instead, they drank and soaked in each other’s presence.