#and they should be paid better too
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I just wanna yell into the void about my sister for a sec bc she's a fuckin angel
I knew she got like. A selection of sweets for some of her classes and she sometimes bakes something nice for her form to motivate her kids, like she has seen the difference ot makes in their work and morale so she swears by it
And this is out of her own pocket, you know, earning a teacher wage doing a teacher amount of work (that she does not ever half ass she cares SO much)
So yesterday she showed me the bag of snacks she got cause i asked what kinda stuff she gets,
and she just casually mentioned she also gets cerial bars for the kids that don't eat right 😭😭😭😭
Why is my sister so fuckin sweet istg she does and pays for all of this just so the kids in her classes feel safe and comfortable and apparently that also shows big time in their work ǰ̣
#shes also SO understanding of like.#the kids that are known for being the naughty kids#she actually sees them as people instead of just problems#god knows 98% of the teachers i had in school just treated any kid that wasn't perfect as a problem to be corrected#and surprise surprise they respond netter to being treated like people#and like. since i started my AUDHD diagnosis and still after she does loads of research#so even the undiagnosed neurodivergent kids get a lot of understanding and support from her#it makes me happy bc like#we need more teachers like my sister#and they should be paid better too#but there were so many teachers at my secondary that made life HELL#it makes me so happy that my sister is such a safe haven for all these kids like me or that need it yknow
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toxic yuri vampires you will always be famous to me
#mysims#simblr#ts4#ts4 edit#the sims community#oc: naomi#oc: nadia#lethal devotion#I was gonna post these some other time but nie’s little smirk I’m entranced sorry#I need them both immediately. oh my god#AND NADIA 🧎🏻♀️#no greater joy in life than making oc’s with ur friends#there’s this one specific scene I’ve been thinking about between nadia and nie#okay back story nie was assigned to kill nadia her client paid top dollar to see her killed#they know nadia is powerful but not much else about her is known#nie's snuck into her kingdom by being gifted to her as a lowly maid#one of the first things nadia says to nie is she’s too pretty to be doing her laundry and she’d look better on her knees#THAT SHOULD BE MEEEE 🫵🏼#nie’s first attempt at nadia life is by poison#but as soon as nadia bites into her food she’d slowly look up at her and begin laughing in her face#she’d grab her by the throat until they’re face to face and say something like#'you think ive never been poisoned before my dearest punishment?' and kiss her with the poision still on her lips#DONT even get my started on their nicknames#nadia calling nie her sweet creature my little sacrifice my darling monster#nie would call nadia my darling god with so much disdain and hate in her voice#as if she doesn’t dream of begging at her feet every second of the day#whatever 😒
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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Please Kal pull thru... keep fighting....
#day 2 of melafix#its still early but he seems to be better today than he was? or at least better tonight#wasnt able to get the QT set up for him yet bc i was gone all day#and its a bitch keeping that thing heated where i want it bc the heater is too small to have temp control on it#so honestly i moght just keep him in the 20gal. even tho i paid. like $60 getting him stuff for the QT#but its fine. its stuff i can use in the future#idk if i should start him on erythromycin. i just dont know what he has#99.99% sure its not fungal so no pimafix#we'll see how a course of melafix goes. can add erythro later#got the filter shit figured out#nightmare#BUT while the filter had to be off for a while#the lack of current meant that A SHRIMP was out and about. u remember the 4 shrimp i got like 6+ months ago that all died#WELL GUESS WHAT. WE STILL GOT 1#little blue shrimp i love u so much. how r u invisible. keep doing ur thing 👍#kal will come up and start trying to swim around in earnest if i go sit right at the glass :< come on buddy....#bel speaks
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#Im so sad rn#I feel like shit but I really shouldnt call out again#I couldnt bring myself to cook so I dont have lunch for tomorrow#Im so poor#Im starting to despise the job I really liked#I dont get paid enough#I dont feel like I can live alone anymore but Im only a year into my year lease#I always have something wrong with me so Im constantly canceling on people#I feel like Im always busy yet never spending enough time with anyone#I just want it all to stop#no expectations or things I have to cancel or things I should be doing instead#life is so rough rn and Im not sure how to fix it#I need like a maid and around $500#I just gotta last till Sunday but it feels like asking too much#if I go to work Ill be ridiculously anxious all day about getting people sick or becoming more sick myself#and if I stay home Ill be ridiculously anxious about money and being fired#but at least if I stay home I might actually feel better and not potentially get people sick#I just wish I lived in a moral world that cared about my health
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#i have a job interview tmrw i am so fucking anxious for a number of reasons#like they told me theres gonna be a internship for the first months and i know theyre generally *not* well paid#but there are so many good points like its near my bf uni. the hourse are good and id be able to focus on my illustration career too.#sat and sun off#but on yhe other hand. i need money#and maybe i turn this offer down and i end up with a job i like way less and still an internship#the owner of the shop sounded really nice but i dont think im in the position to negotiate for a different kind of contract#i dont even know i woudl get offered another job anyway#i want this job but at the same time i dont. if you get what i mean#they reached out as soon as they saw my curricukun and they said they were reay interested which is a nice thing i believe#but are they offering me a good deal???? should i keep looking for something better?? that maybe ill never find????#shut up mila
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Sometimes it really is enough to say "that sucks, I'm sorry that's happening to you" rather than try to lecture someone or give advice tbh
#Just a little disappointed in myself for bringing up my woes with My People and not really receiving any support ...#Oh well it is what it is. I'm not that close with them anymore and I should know better#I need to find a therapist. I just find the whole getting paid to pretend to care about you very disconcerting#I'd love to talk to someone who DOES care but alas I do not have many of those who want to hear#It is difficult with my husband because it just upsets him too much and then he never actually says anything and I just want someone to#SAY SOMETHING to me#Like it's not answers I want it's just like 'that sucks' and 'they're stupid'
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The question 'which of my original stories is least likely to be booted from a distributor (like Amazon) for its highly questionable content' is like...a tough one, because I inevitably end up with something like 'oh what about The Wildness Within? That's pretty tame and- OH THE INCEST' and it's like...
Oof okay try again.
#taking the idea of looking into paperbacks/hardbacks a bit more seriously#now that i'm on the vyvanse and my brain can brain a little better#i should be able to keep the serials freely online as 'ebooks'#and have the paperback/hardback be charged/paid editions#i may have to break them into smaller novels though#ANYWAY pls don't get too excited i always find this process super intimidating and scare myself away from it again#but i am definitely researching it more deeply this time
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can i throw rocks at the people that keep trying to insist that all tee cares about is money so when the season is over he’ll choose another team over cincy as if nothing else matters to him. can i please.
#ik it’s a business but i genuinely. from someone that obviously doesn’t know him personally.#i believe he cares about staying on this team and while he should get paid however much money he deserves.#money is not the motivator here.#and yea i know i could ramble on about how much he loves playing with joe and ja’marr but listen to me#not all athletes are big divas who only make their decisions based on money#some of these players don’t give a shit about it#this is not to mention everything he’s said recently along with joe and ja’marr of course#i’ve just seen way too many people claim he’s pretending like he wants to stay bc [insert team] will pay/treat him better#and again. i don’t know him personally. but i don’t think he’s faking it lmao#are y’all just jealous cause he’s not on your team? you know how good he is and how valuable he is?#like. consider. maybe the power of friendship and/or homoerotic relationships are more important to maintain okay#anyway i’m two seconds away from fighting these people#i hate the internet 👎#besides all of that i don’t think this even falls on tee’s shoulders at this point#it’s on the front office to not be idiotic in their choices at this point.#ig i’ll tag it#tee higgins
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realising i haven't seen my favourite play in a month and won't see it for another month or so like. :(
#i miss that play so much#as if i havent seen it 8 times already and i lie whenever i show up to work#(bc i should only come for the second half and thus work less and be paid less but i wanna watch all of it#so i write down that i came later n they pay ne accordingly and i get to watch all of it anyway)#i dont miss the opera that much even if its cool#and like#once the opera is over thatll be okay#but. once that play is performed for the last time.....#man. i really gotta bribe the person im friendly with who has access to all the recordings#my best friend is very close wirh them too i can do that#what i Cant do is watch that play for a last time#i dont want there to be a last time#i mean half the fun i watching the actors adapt and get better and change up some things but.#i miss it. i need to see that play again :(#a biscuit's rambles
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now that i know more abt fansubbing and the techniques available to styling them, i cannot stop thinking abt how lazy crunchyroll's presentation has kind of always been. like i guess it's got to be at least in part because even today, there aren't a lot of options for styling subtitles in a browser without burning them into the video itself, but i mean like. they don't even translate the op/ed lyrics!!!!! c'mon man!!!!
#it therefore falls to reason that the solution cannot simply be to integrate .ass support into all major browsers#but also um. smth smth better treatment of crunchyroll employees or something maybe.#like i also get that it's a lot of work to do this stuff n do it well and that a major part of the appeal of cr and other simulcastors#is that they're able to release translations within the hour that they air in japan#which i think is bc they get access to the scripts to begin translating before the ep even airs#and i guess a part of that early access to the scripts doesn't include song lyrics. but i wish it was standard to do that too#idk if this will be a hot take. but i do kind of miss when they'd make english dubs of ops/eds like w/pokemon n sailor moon back in the day#translating music and poetry is its own beast though so i get why they wouldn't necessarily do that these days#but like. the point really is that if you're going to be providing a paid service you should be at least as good as the unpaid ones#花話
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Spain’s always got some new superstar teenager
#they all end up broken by 19 🤨#like acc stop abusing kids atp#it’s getting concerning#I’m sorry guys 19 year olds should not be getting acl tears#it’s just so a ridiculously poor sport for player welfare . institutionally#it’s horrific it genuinely disgusts me at times#comparing it to other sports I watch which are objectively more dangerous but manage players better and don’t treat them as so expendable#through a constant conveyor belt of teenagers to exploit bc they don’t know any better just. disgusting#even shit like recovery + diet has always been several years behind in football than rugby like how can you justify that when one sport has#exponentially more money#institutional failure in caring abt player welfare is stitched into the fabric of the sports dna#exploitation of the bodies of the working class for the titillation of the masses :D#ofc they get paid inhumane amounts of money too these days but the demographics of the players speaks for itself really
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Made some bad life choices and now I'm back on my Remus Lupin Apologist bullshit
#I'm too migrainey to write it up but like#who among us has not made a bad health choice once in a while#and paid the consequences later#should he have taken the wolfsbane first? yes obviously#but taking meds is boring and dumb#and running away from your current problem to a new and exciting *different* problem is so much better#LT talks#hp
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IT’S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#IT HAS ARRIVED#i just finished reviewing benefits and wowowow the parental leave stuff isn’t perfect but it’s WAY WAY better than my current or prev job#basically 6 months guaranteed & most of it is paid just not paid at 100% of your salary#but enough that I should be fine#everything else looks good too I’m just trying to negotiate conference funding + getting my annual parking pass covered lol#and then my dad wants to look at everything too#but I should be able to accept by the end of the day if all goes well!!!!!!!#and then I can give notice tomorrow I think!!!!
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