#and they should be paid better too
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I just wanna yell into the void about my sister for a sec bc she's a fuckin angel
I knew she got like. A selection of sweets for some of her classes and she sometimes bakes something nice for her form to motivate her kids, like she has seen the difference ot makes in their work and morale so she swears by it
And this is out of her own pocket, you know, earning a teacher wage doing a teacher amount of work (that she does not ever half ass she cares SO much)
So yesterday she showed me the bag of snacks she got cause i asked what kinda stuff she gets,
and she just casually mentioned she also gets cerial bars for the kids that don't eat right 😭😭😭😭
Why is my sister so fuckin sweet istg she does and pays for all of this just so the kids in her classes feel safe and comfortable and apparently that also shows big time in their work ǰ̣
#shes also SO understanding of like.#the kids that are known for being the naughty kids#she actually sees them as people instead of just problems#god knows 98% of the teachers i had in school just treated any kid that wasn't perfect as a problem to be corrected#and surprise surprise they respond netter to being treated like people#and like. since i started my AUDHD diagnosis and still after she does loads of research#so even the undiagnosed neurodivergent kids get a lot of understanding and support from her#it makes me happy bc like#we need more teachers like my sister#and they should be paid better too#but there were so many teachers at my secondary that made life HELL#it makes me so happy that my sister is such a safe haven for all these kids like me or that need it yknow
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toxic yuri vampires you will always be famous to me
#mysims#simblr#ts4#ts4 edit#the sims community#oc: naomi#oc: nadia#lethal devotion#I was gonna post these some other time but nie’s little smirk I’m entranced sorry#I need them both immediately. oh my god#AND NADIA 🧎🏻♀️#no greater joy in life than making oc’s with ur friends#there’s this one specific scene I’ve been thinking about between nadia and nie#okay back story nie was assigned to kill nadia her client paid top dollar to see her killed#they know nadia is powerful but not much else about her is known#nie's snuck into her kingdom by being gifted to her as a lowly maid#one of the first things nadia says to nie is she’s too pretty to be doing her laundry and she’d look better on her knees#THAT SHOULD BE MEEEE 🫵🏼#nie’s first attempt at nadia life is by poison#but as soon as nadia bites into her food she’d slowly look up at her and begin laughing in her face#she’d grab her by the throat until they’re face to face and say something like#'you think ive never been poisoned before my dearest punishment?' and kiss her with the poision still on her lips#DONT even get my started on their nicknames#nadia calling nie her sweet creature my little sacrifice my darling monster#nie would call nadia my darling god with so much disdain and hate in her voice#as if she doesn’t dream of begging at her feet every second of the day#whatever 😒
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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Sometimes it really is enough to say "that sucks, I'm sorry that's happening to you" rather than try to lecture someone or give advice tbh
#Just a little disappointed in myself for bringing up my woes with My People and not really receiving any support ...#Oh well it is what it is. I'm not that close with them anymore and I should know better#I need to find a therapist. I just find the whole getting paid to pretend to care about you very disconcerting#I'd love to talk to someone who DOES care but alas I do not have many of those who want to hear#It is difficult with my husband because it just upsets him too much and then he never actually says anything and I just want someone to#SAY SOMETHING to me#Like it's not answers I want it's just like 'that sucks' and 'they're stupid'
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The question 'which of my original stories is least likely to be booted from a distributor (like Amazon) for its highly questionable content' is like...a tough one, because I inevitably end up with something like 'oh what about The Wildness Within? That's pretty tame and- OH THE INCEST' and it's like...
Oof okay try again.
#taking the idea of looking into paperbacks/hardbacks a bit more seriously#now that i'm on the vyvanse and my brain can brain a little better#i should be able to keep the serials freely online as 'ebooks'#and have the paperback/hardback be charged/paid editions#i may have to break them into smaller novels though#ANYWAY pls don't get too excited i always find this process super intimidating and scare myself away from it again#but i am definitely researching it more deeply this time
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now that i know more abt fansubbing and the techniques available to styling them, i cannot stop thinking abt how lazy crunchyroll's presentation has kind of always been. like i guess it's got to be at least in part because even today, there aren't a lot of options for styling subtitles in a browser without burning them into the video itself, but i mean like. they don't even translate the op/ed lyrics!!!!! c'mon man!!!!
#it therefore falls to reason that the solution cannot simply be to integrate .ass support into all major browsers#but also um. smth smth better treatment of crunchyroll employees or something maybe.#like i also get that it's a lot of work to do this stuff n do it well and that a major part of the appeal of cr and other simulcastors#is that they're able to release translations within the hour that they air in japan#which i think is bc they get access to the scripts to begin translating before the ep even airs#and i guess a part of that early access to the scripts doesn't include song lyrics. but i wish it was standard to do that too#idk if this will be a hot take. but i do kind of miss when they'd make english dubs of ops/eds like w/pokemon n sailor moon back in the day#translating music and poetry is its own beast though so i get why they wouldn't necessarily do that these days#but like. the point really is that if you're going to be providing a paid service you should be at least as good as the unpaid ones#花話
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so apparently I talked to my kind of boss/leader person at work and you’re not supposed to spend every minute you’re paid for just like on the GRINDDDDD but you do whatever makes you most productive over a day and not have to crash for 2 days when you get home??? like why did no one tell me this when I started
#but I can liveblog here on paid time i think so#that’s good!#silver vents from work#<-we should bring this back#apparently it makes me write better#and also like. I thought the reason I couldn’t work full time was bc disability#but I think maybe I took the rules a little too literally#reblog to save a workers life lol
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Spain’s always got some new superstar teenager
#they all end up broken by 19 🤨#like acc stop abusing kids atp#it’s getting concerning#I’m sorry guys 19 year olds should not be getting acl tears#it’s just so a ridiculously poor sport for player welfare . institutionally#it’s horrific it genuinely disgusts me at times#comparing it to other sports I watch which are objectively more dangerous but manage players better and don’t treat them as so expendable#through a constant conveyor belt of teenagers to exploit bc they don’t know any better just. disgusting#even shit like recovery + diet has always been several years behind in football than rugby like how can you justify that when one sport has#exponentially more money#institutional failure in caring abt player welfare is stitched into the fabric of the sports dna#exploitation of the bodies of the working class for the titillation of the masses :D#ofc they get paid inhumane amounts of money too these days but the demographics of the players speaks for itself really
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Made some bad life choices and now I'm back on my Remus Lupin Apologist bullshit
#I'm too migrainey to write it up but like#who among us has not made a bad health choice once in a while#and paid the consequences later#should he have taken the wolfsbane first? yes obviously#but taking meds is boring and dumb#and running away from your current problem to a new and exciting *different* problem is so much better#LT talks#hp
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#thoughts from hel#so basically i submitted a cover letter with some highlighted text in random colors bc i forgot to unhighlight them before submitting#(i highlight things to remember to change them for each job app but i might have to deprecate that practice after this)#and then i realized and was like oh fuck and i was like well maybe i should just own it y'know. it's me being super innovative and creative#and also since i highlight stuff to change all the highlighted texts were the most relevant parts of the cover letter anyway#but the highlighting job was messy as hell after i dragged sentences to and fro all over it while i was formulating that thing. like#the highlighting started kind of in the middle of my sentence and had extra highlighted spaces and colors n stuff it was. haphazard.#so i was like okay. i probably can't gaslight (by sending psychic vibes to the recruiter-- since it's an online form#with no direct communication between me and them whatsoever) the recruiter into reasonably thinking this highlighting job#was on purpose. so i spent a full like TWO EXTRA HOURS spiraling into “can i submit the form twice or should i just take the L on this”#and ultimately submitted it a second time with the fixed letter. uhhh hopefully it was the fixed one but i'm too tired to care now#part of the job description was “attention to detail” so i definitely failed that one the first time around but the recruiter#who reads (hopefully. because with how saturated the job market is now they might not even do that) my apps#had BETTER see all the fucking attention to detail i paid to making sure my decision to resubmit would be a good one#telepathically. of course. (the difference between overthinking and attention to detail is how much you are appreciated)#i literally went on so many forums and the help page for the recruiting application website thing to find out how exactly they handled#duplicate applications bro i could RECITE this shit to anyone now. fuck#time to go to sleep. tomorrow is a new day. with ten+ more companies to apply to. 👍
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Can you just straight up ask for a raise? Like what is there to lose?
I started this conversation with my boss by asking "are you satisfied with me as an employee?" He hesitantly said "why, yes of course" and was immediately hit with "then surely you wouldn't mind raising my salary?"
i work for a guy who will probably start a fight with me if i say the wrong thing and who has refused multiple raises to multiple people who also should be earning more money i unfortunately don’t think it’s even worth asking him and i don’t have the patience to have a man scream at me and i will retaliate and lose my job
we’ve had the conversation before about money and he said we’d come back to it. i don’t think he means that
my other option cos i am an asset to his company is for me to threaten to leave cos i genuinely don’t think he would want me to leave cos i make his company look good and that might be my way to bargain more money but like i dont want the confrontation
#it’s an unfortunate situation#too where i wanna leave so bad but i need the work cos it’ll give me a decent portfolio so i can go after those better paid jobs#and like i don’t hate my job cos i work alone 98% of the time and no one bothers me#but i should not be earning minimum wage#when i do like 5 different peoples jobs at once#bethanie answers
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IT’S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#IT HAS ARRIVED#i just finished reviewing benefits and wowowow the parental leave stuff isn’t perfect but it’s WAY WAY better than my current or prev job#basically 6 months guaranteed & most of it is paid just not paid at 100% of your salary#but enough that I should be fine#everything else looks good too I’m just trying to negotiate conference funding + getting my annual parking pass covered lol#and then my dad wants to look at everything too#but I should be able to accept by the end of the day if all goes well!!!!!!!#and then I can give notice tomorrow I think!!!!
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Fandom is so amazing because it's really just groups of amazingly talented people, who deserve to be paid for the quality of work they put out, doing stuff for free out of love and passion and community and that's so special 💗
#Fandom#like rly#we should be getting paid#half our shit is equal too or better than industry stuff#but alas
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insane the way fandom art spaces are changing. at least 500 applications for every single zine nowadays. woof.
#girl help#idk if there's a bunch of ai resumes included#or if people are looking for paid work in fandom spaces since entry levels are drying up#idk what is going on but it is really competitive#im too tired to update my portfolio im just watching stuff go by#last zine i thought about applying to said they received 700 responses yesterday#whaaaaaat#wild#i should probably..... like.. try to get better at art lmao.#i assume the competition will only get worse
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#oh my GOD. my sister's work (Amazon) really screwed us over and now she's feeling suicidal and idk what to do??#she's at work and they're trying to find her. i'm so scared rn 😭😭😭#her amazon building belatedly announced that they won't be giving holiday pay and the days they cut for the holidays won't be paid in full#just the hours they cut. so many coworkers and their families are being screwed over as well. some at risk.#we are too but i obviously can't reach my sister for the exact amount. i just know it's in the hundreds#& now the building also cut people's paid time-off. literally hundreds upon hundreds of secured dollars gone.#if i lose my sister it will be AMAZON'S fault for stretching her thin financially physically and emotionally#i can't help because i can't get paid until next month and our family's too poor...#should i set up a mutual aid post? would anyone care enough to donate or reblog?? idek. i'm so scared.#i'm close to panicking and i feel so helpless 😭#idk how to word this better. i can't. i'm just in a state of shock at how horrible life is rn#tw sui talk#not sure what tags to use to avoid getting shadowbanned#reblogs are ok
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