#and they rarely tell you what is wrong
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Helen Burns, Jane Eyre, Fantine, Les Miserables, Satine, Moulin Rouge, Sylvia Llewelyn Davies, Finding Neverland, Isabel Neville, The White Queen, Mrs. Hale and Bessy Higgins, North and South, Frances Hindley, Wuthering Heights, Mrs. Alma Wheatley, The Queen's Gambit, Queen Anne, The White Queen
#I know some of these women have well-documented illnesses#but it still makes me laugh#because a cough is totally shorthand for a character dying soon in a period piece#and they rarely tell you what is wrong#kitty should have been marked for death!#but she lived!#kitty bennet#jane austen memes#stupidity#jane austen#pride and prejudice#tv tropes#period dramas#edit for a mix up
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.
It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.
Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.
The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.
This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.
Actors are not the same as voice actors.
And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.
I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.
People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.
Voice Actors ≠ Actors.
#(i am incredibly passionate about this)#(and seeing celebrity voice actors in what should be a voice actor's role completely burns my buns it doesn't matter WHO it is)#(hemsworth as optimus? someone tell me one good reason why they couldn't get a good v/a to replace mr. cullen properly for the future)#(ben shwartz as sonic? dude literally isn't even a good voice actor OR actor anyways-)#(- A N D jason griffith AND my boy roger craig smith are still RIGHT HERE)#(jason griffith IN PARTICULAR would have pulled back SO many sonic fans that went to watch the film anyways. if not /more/.)#(and on top of that he has the same tonality and energy they tried to force this moshmo to try and emulate anyways so GET THE REAL THING)#(chris pratt as mario? i can at least defend /him/ and say that barring his failure to do a NY accent consistently he wasn't terrible)#(but mario's new voice actor could've been used instead and people would've clearly appreciated that WAY more)#(vanessa hudgens as sunny starscout in mlp g5's pilot movie? literally why. they replace her and hitch's va in the show.)#(don't even get me started on the concept of hiring celebrity singers to do musical theatre roles or not letting musical theatre singers-)#(-dub the celebrity voice actors you just HAD to hire for your film bc you're so worried about not getting enough clout to get ppl in seats#(that you're putting it all in this (1) big name hire bc turns out that you have no faith in your writing ability much less-)#(-animation as a medium.)#(and no before anyone says anything : no this is not me saying that ALL celebrity voice castings are bad.)#(there are some that aren't that bad and others that are actually pretty good.)#(i especially appreciate it when actors are damn well aware they aren't voice actors and try to LEARN from voice coaches-)#(-and/or their va predecessors if applicable.)#(that does not change the fact that the celebrity shouldn't have been hired just because the film wanted to have bragging clout-)#(-oh look at this FAMOUS PERSON we were able to hire — yeah ok. sure wendy. i want to know if this film is quality or not.)#(and 9/10 times the SECOND there is money spent on a non voice actor to voice the main character especially)#(that usually means somewhere along the way animation IS going to get shafted. if not w the animators themselves then in the way of-)#(-the actual animation itself and ESPECIALLY the screenwriting because it's especially been so dogshit lately even before the strike.)#(a celebrity being hired to fill a voice actor's role is such an immediate red flag to me and it is VERY rare that i get to be proven wrong
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re the first three tlovm s3 episode title teaser fr. vex getting [redacted] while standing in front of percy . i will undoubtedly have Thoughts about plot n adaption once the whole season is out but i will say people acting like vex potentially dying again is a betrayal of the arc is . i say this politely. ridiculous. vex’s most common habit aside from haggling and flirting in campaign 1 was being knocked unconscious. she required full ass resurrection spells on four separate occasions. we currently have no idea what the shape of any arc in season 3 will look like beyond broad strokes and teasing shots. if they end up wanting to incorporate the exandrian magic lore of it’s harder to come back each time you die, vex seems like the obvious opportunity to do so. please at the very least save the panic posting for when you actually have something to panic about .
#maybe this is just my ‘that’s my favourite character. i’d love to see them Die’ syndrome#but i see vex get shot i start jumping up and down and clapping. yes . yes#potentially exploring vex’s feelings on dying explicitly in the show whereas laura did it fairly subtly/internally with vex’s choices#in the campaign? i’d love to see it. potentially both vex and percy dying and getting sent to hell by ripley’s cursed gun and getting the#Where Do The People I Kill Go convo earlier?#i Would miss the true loves nat 20 don’t get me wrong. but i also think that moment hits so hard Because of the At A Table-ness of it#part of the moment isn’t just vex pleading with percy. it’s laura appealing to tal’s sense of story. it’s laura managing to break notable#Rare Crier Sam Riegel. it’s the fact that it’s a dice roll and travis encouraging matt to look and matt’s awed ‘i believe it’#and i think dialogue wise there’s some stuff with the speech itself that might not be super well suited as writing choices#versus when it was improv.#idk man i just. i’m big on letting mediums play into what mediums play into. telling the same story in different mediums is nonsensical 2 me#how you meet a story is Part of the story#tlovm spoilers#kind of#critical role
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wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment
Thank you and this is what I want to get across.
A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.
I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.
He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.
He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.
Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?
Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.
#i do believe Anya was a victum to Jimmy more than once before the crash but the game plays wit the sort of fear of waiting and stagnation#i believe the reason she decided to tell him was becasuse she finally broke down and tested to see if she was pregnant after one too many#signs and its why she went to hide the gun because she knew now that there was proof of what Jimmy did and was he would do anything to#cover it up and while she also didn't want the baby there was no sure fire way to safely induce a miscarriage or abortion cause shes smart#enough to know that hence her reading the illusion of choice and taking measures to protect herself#but in the hypothetical it was a one time occurence I think Jimmy would act like one single mistake shouldn't define him and Anya thinks#that if she did something sooner or said something sooner than she or Curly could've stopped all of it but that the hard thing taking actio#its so hard to be preventative to a person like they also have the autonomy to do things and no one on the ship is okay with actively takin#that away outside of Jimmy that its just a delicate issue and people act like it was a conscious choice not to help when he just helped#wrong he did wrong by not immediately punishing Jimmy but at the same time did he even fully get it yet? Jimmy immediately got into his hea#after like the sound design right before he confront him is telling like every track sort of gives you the feeling of the characters where#we cant see their thoughts because again the only two characters pov we get are Jimmy's and Curly's and even then we only get Curly's thru#the responsibilites he has to take like he is always tasked with something because thats his role but we rarely see him do something off hi#own volition cause hes a metaphorical cog in many of the machines the games comments on but he's not actively pulling a switch#also i think people latch on to the we can both be heros things too much when analyzing Curly because Curly very much is not happy being th#leader and current “hero” of the Tulpar he just wants out in a way that doesn't hurt and while he is still responsible for not doing more#the idea he could've easily nipped this in the butt acts like Jimmy was not a beast of his own and that he made Jimmy into the person he wa#vs the fact that Jimmy is a person on his own right that makes these choices others are forced to take responsibility for when he simply c#couldve not done evil shit like at the end of the day Curly is not perfect but not nearly or remotely as bad as Jimmy because for that hed#have to not care hed have to not have tried hed have to not try to take responsibility and he did just not in the right way but thats#subjective to the person and you can only realize you did fuck up after the results are before you and its tragic like this game is a#a tragedy no matter how you try and spin it. There's lessosn to be learnt but at the end of the day it telling the worst moments of peoples#lives and the certain inevitabilities that come with it#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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i dont know what the plan is now, i have never had a plan for anything, but i dont want to delete the previous posts bc it feels like im trying to sweep things under the rug or act like they didnt happen
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i wish it was easier to know when to stand my ground and when to see i am wrong or when to ignore things#i am a chronical self doubter so even for the most obvious things when someone talks against me theres a moment i am hit with doubt#someone could tell me 'ganondorf is actually a perfectly true representation of all arabic people at once (somehow)'-#and i will go 'wait is he??' no hes not you idiot you know it isnt you spend alot of time learning about it the fuck#if it werent for those horrible scary (rare-not online) meltdowns i think how easily i am to doubt myself and be influenced by others is-#-what makes me feel the most childish#idk if thats an autism thing or just a me thing#even when theres a belief or opinion that is cemented into my brain unchangibly i still doubt if its right or if i am allowed it somehow#its such a contradictory thing again. easily influenced and made to doubt myself but also immovable .. even on dumb things#like theres nothing that can change how i feel about totk but i still doubt it anyway#what if i am wrong and an idiot and everyone saying the opposite of me is actually more right?? (still doesnt change opinion but doubt tm)#also can tumblr plese stop recommending me suicidal tags when i type 'what if' in here???????????????#i am trying to get OUT and AWAY from that as far as possible i dont find it funney hehe#(and i dont think i typed any of those phrases before)
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autistic becoming a neutral/positive adjective in todays culture would make my younger neurodivergent self so happy and hopeful (and i hope others can find that too:))
#it definitely has not become fully positive#i have seen it be an insult (to me and others) in casual conversation#<- someone said i was the boring kind of autism and i have grieved ever since then (/hj)#<- people also just add on to anything weird or wrong i do ‘ur autistic’ which I’ve come to realize is in a demeaning way#(didn’t realize bc of the autism)#but i feel like i can tell people that i am autistic now. as opposed to when i hid it so people wouldn’t think less of me#or change how they acted around me#now i have people being like (real conversation btw) “yeah but that guys an asshole. and the other is autistic and cool’’#<- this was a neurotypical childhood friend who would never say this a decade ago#I’ve heard kids say cute things like ‘i am so happy you’re you’‘I wish i was autistic like you’ <- a little confused but he’s got the spirit#i know the world is still shitty and rude and disrespectful#but i have seen such a growth of love and support and overall normalization in todays world#and progress is progress <3#don’t forget that!!#autism#autistic#actually autistic#neurodivergent#positivity#idk what else to tag#but ily all<3#the rare og text post
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Sometimes i think i left my jjk phase. Then i remember that Gojo is the most powerful force in his universe, but instead of exploiting that for his own gain or just sitting back and spouting wisdom at others, he actively leverages his position to challenge the status quo and make the world safer for kids, which is so incredibly rare in fiction. And i go insane about this series all over again.
#seriously though#'were you unfairly sentenced to death? lemme just bully the government into letting you live'#'oh you're going to be sold to your awful family? i got you kid i'll raise you myself'#what a guy#other mentor characters could never#if i'm wrong about that 'incredibly rare in fiction' statement then please tell me where i can find another character like that i need recs#maybe all anime mentors are like that and i just don't watch enough anime idk#anyway this is why i randomly posted a jjk fic yesterday#gojo satoru#blorbo from my shows#jjk#jujutsu kaisen
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s4 episode 5 thoughts
i’m back. i’m back and i’m intrigued. because i'm reading the episode description, and if we get more mulder ex lore here, which the episode description makes it sound like we will, i am… not sure how i will feel on the subject. the term “reincarnation” makes it sound like whoever it was… died. did an ex of his die? and that is a lot of mulder marked by pain and suffering. and maybe i’m getting ahead of myself. but the writers KNOW we want our agents to smooch, so focusing on an ex might make me, the viewer, feel weird. i just need to get all these thoughts out in writing before we begin.
how is he gonna tell if someone is a reincarnated lover? or am i misunderstanding this entirely.
only one way to find out
author’s note: oh my gosh…… nothing could have prepared me for this. at all. here i was thinking it was ex lore time, but it was past life time, and there are TEARS in my eyes.
(serious author's note: i ask for some grace in this episode recap. there may be some things i word poorly. i am familiar with the terminology used to describe DID, and did my best, but acknowledge that i may have come up short. please understand that this is intended to capture my live reactions to what i was seeing for the very first time. at times here, there are no reactions, just a sort of a nebulous recapping of what i saw because i was feeling So Many Things. so this one might be messy, and i hope that is okay. i don't understand what i am feeling, but i am feeling a Lot of it, and humbly ask for your patience in my clumsy wording as well as some helpful discussion on what just went down)
let us begin, i type as i sniff up some tears
we open with mulder in a field… is he reciting poetry? and looking very sad.
wait, is he not actually reciting poetry and he just talks like that? while holding two pictures of old timey people. i’d guess civil war era.
okay. so now we jump right to the intro. that was quick. i’m still processing what we just saw because we were really dropped into that one with no context whatsoever.
federal agents break into a temple in tennessee. they’re looking for illegal firearms! and a guy named ephesian.
but mulder sees a window… and he is staring at it… walking out the door as if led by some sort of spiritual quest while scully yells his name and wonders wtf he’s doing. he is not responding to her at all, but she’s chasing after him because she is a good friend.
so he’s hearing things while scully is pulling her gun out, and it does appear that he found a trapdoor!
he busts in, and slaps some poison out of the hand of a woman who was taking sips, and then grabs the dude who i assume is the cult leader. whew… that was close
now they’re at some sort of meeting, listening to tapes, and skinner is here!!! hiiii skinner. everybody say hi skinner!
so, someone on the tape seems to be whistleblowing on this cult- the seven stars or something- saying that the leader is hurting children and stockpiling weapons. mulder looks incredibly pensive during all of this.
oh! someone refers to mulder as “our man spooky”, which is kind of hilarious, while complaining that the reports were weak. scully leans in and asks yeah, how did he know that? while the men are fighting.
and skinner yells KNOCK IT OFF!!!! because the folks at the compound were somehow able to hide all the evidence before they got there, and now they’re forced to hold ephesian and “his wives” on “BS charges”. so now the agents MUST find evidence of firearms and who the informant was NOW because they will try to get an arraignment fast.
woah. no pressure.
skinner comes over talk to mulder and scully- they must look into this ephesian fellow's claims of supernatural abilities. scully says he can use the book of revelations to manipulate his followers, but seems to suspect no real powers.
they to talk to this ephesian fellow, who says he knew for 9 centuries that scully was coming, and starts going on about the bible, quoting stuff. very scary behavior.
mulder comes in with the fact check. jesus said that at smyrna, not about some church in tennessee! (his knowledge…. it always impresses me)
this dude is being super creepy, telling them to put aside their investigation “for your own souls”, because soon all unfaithful shall “be destroyed by God’s mighty men”. so this is some pretty standard cult rhetoric here. if you've studied religions, you've heard this one many times. it seems that ephesian thinks he and his people shall be the ones doing this violence. a tight zoom in on mulder’s troubled face as he quotes more scripture.
they have 6 wives to question, and mulder says to start with one in particular. interesting… i wonder why that one. is it because she was the one they caught ephesian with in the hidden area... or something more?
her name is melissa, and she says she’s 25 as she smokes a cigarette and dodges their questions. she’s been at the compound and married to ephesian for a year.
mulder asks if it troubles her that ephesian has so many other wives, and she just recites scripture instead of answering. so scully comes in with the “i’d have a tough time if my husband had so many children with other women”. this seems to begin to get her to crack, as she tears up.
wait... it’s so wrong to hear scully call someone else, who isn't her sister, melissa :(
melissa she doesn’t have any children with ephesian yet... because he has to wait for God to tell him that the right soul is ready to be reincarnated, which is why his children are the most sacred members of the temple. naturally, of course /s
things get quiet when they ask if he had been hurting the children until melissa starts talking with a very different voice and set of mannerisms, and she no longer replies to the name melissa. so scully scrawls “multiple personality” in her loopy handwriting and passes it over to mulder. oh! is this sydney?
(at this point, i shall begin to refer to sydney with he/him pronouns, as this is what mulder does. normally i would stick to my journalistic integrity and keep reporting the things i wrote down incorrectly while watching the episode, but i'm trying to be very respectful- i hope you understand)
but mulder writes back to scully no, this is not a multiple personality case, it's a past life case! his handwriting is very blocky. to prove his point, he asks sydney who the current president is, and he responds that it is harry truman. ah. so, he's a few years off.
mulder claims that “somehow he just knew” sydney was melissa's past life, which doesn’t reveal a lot, but his eyes are very soulful and i want to hold his hand.
skinner says they need to find something to get this case moving forward, and mulder is like dude, we found sydney, the voice matched! i would agree with his judgement that this in fact a sizeable discovery.
mulder is saying that what they have seen matches the criteria of DID in the DSM4 (woah, need to look up when we switched to 5), but scully is saying that some people don’t even think it exists as a condition, and skinner thinks it could be a trap to buy more time for ephesian. so no one is in agreement here.
but mulder is going into his psychology expert mode and is making a very compelling case that this is an example of DID, particularly in the fact that sydney emerged when the topic of child abuse came up, which fulfilled the protector role. scully wants to know more before giving any sort of diagnosis, but she doesn't seem opposed to the hypothesis.
(skinner seems to fumble over which pronouns to use for each personality here)
skinner says to go ahead and take her back to the compound and see if it gets any results in prompting memories that could be useful to the investigation, but scully is mad at mulder! he didn’t even have the courage to tell skinner he thinks they're dealing with past lives here! mulder, who is usually so brave!!
he mumbles that skinner wouldn’t believe him. which is true.
woah, i don’t know how to interpret this line here, so i’ll just write it down for further analysis:
“i don’t believe that you feel responsible for those 50 lives. or melissa reidel. you are only responsible to yourself, mulder”
(is she saying he doesn’t care about those 50 people?? is she saying he has an ulterior motive? is she calling him a liar, and that he is using this case to gain support for his supernatural ideas?? is she calling him selfish? or is she trying to tell him that he can only be responsible for himself and control his own actions, that he cannot place the burden of saving everyone upon his shoulders? is she berating or reassuring him or both? does she think he isn't serious about the lives in danger?)
i can’t figure it out, but he gets up and leaves. (after watching the episode, i still can't figure it out- what did you think?)
so they take melissa back to the temple, and scully asks her to recall the painful memories so they can keep herself and others safe. it is very tense as she walks into a bedroom and sees many photos on the wall of ephesian and his wives. she knocks some of them over and starts crying.
scully still looks furious with mulder. it's as if she thinks his desire for supernatural entities to be proven comes ahead of his desire to save actual lives, and it's recalling her comparison to ahab during the conversation on the rock. she must feel that there is no time for this, that they need to get concrete answers right away or horrible things will happen; perhaps she thinks he isn't focused, is being fanciful. and i understand the pressure of a ticking clock, but after so long, this rift between them, it doesn't feel right.
oh my goodness, we see some horrific artwork on the wall by the kids at the temple. woah. shoutout to the set design team.
melissa is in the playroom sobbing, but asks why she is being called melissa. scully asks what she should call her, and that is how we meet lily. but lily isn’t there for very long before sydney comes back, saying to “leave the kid alone”. mulder says they can all be safe if they just are told where the guns are. then melissa seems to come back, and she goes back out the window where mulder was staring earlier!!! what does this window know?!?
and the score here is really pretty as she walks outside, scully following behind her. mulder is clearly unwell, though, and scully asks what is wrong, which he ignores and walks past her. typical him.
a new alter of melissa's seems to front, now with a southern accent, saying the guns are in a bunker. but… it’s the civil war she’s talking about. she was a nurse, looking for someone who was staying in tennessee. and she found that someone here, dead. then she was hidden in a bunker while the battle raged above her. it is very horrific, what she is describing.
she clarifies that she was there in november 1863, then turns to mulder and says “as were you”. he doesn’t seem shocked by this, but scully is, as this new southern belle proclaims “this is the field where i watched you die” OH!
(mulder, a confederate in a past life… this is deeply unfortunate)
mulder is trying to make a phone call to a hypnotist while they drive melissa back to the police station, but scully figures out he’s trying to do past life regression on her and says not to. and that her life is in shreds, and that is too much for her to handle. i hate to say it, but i agree with her. melissa has been through so much, and with such a tight deadline, i don't know if they have time for such a journey.
OH! mulder is angry. his voice is all growly as he yells “YOU WERE THERE, SCULLY! you saw it, you heard it, why can’t you feel it?” oh my gosh… the way he slammed his hand on the wheel... why can't she see it, it seems so obvious to him... how infuriating it must be...
scully asks why ephesian is a paranoid sociopath for claiming to be in greece years ago, but he isn’t for claiming to have died in that field……. damn…….
(idk what’s going on here between them exactly but i’m stressed. they are stressing me out)
(at this point, we begin a sequence in which i am so enraptured with what is going on, i have no reactions to all of the things i am seeing, and just recount them to you, with occasional interjections of "oh my god"- but i think if you've seen the episode, you get why it had this effect on me)
so they do get a therapist, who is talking to melissa. she begins to answer the therapist's questions about seeing anything upsetting at the compound, talking about a woman named elizabeth and her son scott, who came to live in the temple. and ephesian took the son away. but ephesian caught his mother visiting her son, and “the mighty men” beat her, which brings melissa to tears as she recounts this. and he hit the boy, calling him garbage, beating him.
scully looks very stressed in the background to hear all of this, but sydney is now fronting at this point, saying to leave melissa alone, and that the guns are in the bunkers… somewhere. where they are is a mystery, though.
scully leans down to mulder and says that maybe there is a map somewhere, but mulder says she knows where to find them. and at this she says “mulder…” in a very breathy fashion and i still can’t quite articulate what is going on between them…. but he’s going in.
he says it’s me, melissa, and asks her to go back to the field. “your eyes may have changed shade, but it cannot color the soul behind them”, she says. that they are only to meet in passing in this life. and she misses him. he just stared and stares, before his head falls into his hands
scully is trying to explain to him that this is a product of melissa's illness, and she can’t give any specifics- no names or locations, and they don’t have time to do this, because ephesian’s arraignment is in two hours.
“wouldn’t you, scully? wouldn’t anybody?” <- oh my god…. is he compelled by a terrible sense of duty or by his own curiosity? is she scared to watch him go down this path he cannot return from?
okay, so now he is going back into his past lives. this sequence is almost entirely a close up of his face, for minutes on end, which adds to the intensity. he's really panting as he remembers. “ghetto streets. shattered glass. bodies of the dead. a jewish woman. poland.” oh my god……
he says that he is samantha’s mother in this life; “in this life, she is my son”
his father is dead, and… HIS FATHER IS SCULLY? WHAT? i didn’t see that coming. she’s troubled by this, all of this, not just learning he believes her soul to have been his father before.
but he says that his father is waiting now for their souls to come back together, different, but always together, again and again, to learn.
and he is crying. he can’t go to his father. a gestapo man is there, and he is cancer man; “evil returns as evil, but love… souls mate eternal”. and his wife is melissa, who is taken away to the camps. and he’s crying, and scully is watching with great concern.
now, he’s rising above the field, near the bunker. and his sergeant is also dead, and “he is scully”, and we cut to her face of increasing sadness. sarah holds him, who is melissa. she is sarah kavanaugh, and he is sullivan biddle. she doesn’t know that he’s waiting for her, that they will live again.
scully tries to ask if he sees any bunkers, but he keeps saying his soul is tired, and he wants to rest.
and this is devastating. it was if i was the one undergoing the hypnosis here. i couldn't look away, i couldn't react, i was so entirely absorbed and confused and busy feeling things.
scully is consulting a map in the town records to try and find this bunker where the weapons are stored, and then she looks up the names he mentioned. sure enough, they are in the county records. then she reaches for some photos, where she finds one of sullivan and sarah.
a lot of things are being processed in her brain, so we might need to give her a minute. i think we can see some long-held systems of belief being challenged in her mind.
but she brings him back the photos of their past lives, even as she is telling him that ephesian is going to be released soon. why would she do this? to comfort him? to validate him without using words?
oh my god, mulder just called her “dana”. wait. hold on. oh my god, hold on.
“dana, if, um… early in the four years we’ve been working together… an event occurred that suggested or somebody told you that… we’d been friends together in other lifetimes- always- wouldn’t it have changed some of the ways we looked at one another?”
“even if i knew for certain, i wouldn’t change a day”
WAUGHHHHHHHH (ripping my clothes off in grief) WAOUGHHHHHH wouavhhhghhhh……… she wouldn’t change a day….
(and what event was it that he is referring to? is there a certain one...? am i forgetting something from early s1...? damn you, my obsessive note-taking impulses, for not kicking into gear until s2...)
“well… maybe that flukeman thing, i could have lived without that just fine” HDHJSNSME he smiles as she leaves….
(i had to google what that even was because i was like ??? but the flukeman was the season 2 sewer baby!!! for those of you who are going into this whole thing blind and also don't know what the fandom calls stuff! i think to me he was "baby sewer mermaid" or something along those lines... but now we know)
so now he and melissa are in the room together, trying to recall. she says she wants to believe (!!!), and he’s rubbing her hand, but ephesian comes in, saying it’s time to leave. so she rips the photo in half and leaves crying.
does he know he was supposed to love her? is he mourning that he hasn't? is he wondering if he has time to?
mulder gets up, and leans his head against the wall. scully comes in to say that they are still searching for more bunkers as the temple people return to their home. there is a deep sense of grief.
ephesian seems suspicious.
mulder is talking to skinner, saying that those in the temple believe that the FBI are the devil’s army, prophesied to be defeated by the armies of god. but ephesian must not really believe that, because he hid the weapons. mulder emphasizes that he may “deny himself”.
back at the compound, all the members are being called to worship. the music is getting scary, and guns are being pulled out.
scully looks up some bible verses and realizes that ephesian is calling his members to the end of times, which gives skinner the go ahead to launch a raid.
back at the compound, the poison is being distributed to the members of the temple. and a few are shooting at the agents outside, and mulder and scully pull up as the sipping of the poison begins inside.
NO! mulder puts his hands up and begins to walk into the compound!!!!! WHAT IS HE DOING!!! scully shouts out that he is dead. as we see inside there are piles and piles of bodies, including melissa.
but wait! is she still alive???? she’s getting up!!!
but no! ephesian is still there watching her. giving her poison to take. mulder is running in as fast as he can, trying to figure out what is going on. and he finds the room full of the bodies while gregorian chanting is in the background.
he finds melissa, with no pulse, holding onto the photo she had torn.
scully sees him touching her arm, raising his eyes and crying.
we end where we began, with him in the field, holding the pictures of his and melissa’s past lives.
end episode.
what…..
first thoughts: i don’t quite know what to make of this, but i can tell it is going to tear me apart for the rest of my life.
second and third thoughts are also variations of my first thought.
i feel so sad? to know that mulder has (or thinks he has) lived these horrific past lives, and that he is reunited with the same people over and over again, to learn and lose them. and that scully was there with all of them- but so was melissa, and he said that soulmates are eternal, so if that is true he lost his for this life. and he said he was so tired, so tired... how can he escape the eternal cycle of samsara?
and scully, watching all of this- what did she mean when she said that he wasn't responsible for anything but himself? was it an insult? was she begging him? what was she feeling when she heard him talk about her being there in his past? was she trying to hurt him in their conversation in the car? will they ever actually be able to see eye to eye? does she believe him? can she? how does hearing all of this shake her own faith?
can you have many soulmates that come with you again and again, just in different forms? so would his soulmates be scully, and his mother and father and sister, and this melissa figure? and what are the implications of losing a soulmate in this world? is that a life of feeling that something is missing, until death? do they shuffle roles, but come again and again? is that comforting or horrific? are we to believe him?
and that terrible, terrible ending, him finding the bodies... how are we supposed to interpret that? just more grief on top of already endless grief? or are we supposed to see the poetry moment as an answer to a question that provides relief, even if it is bittersweet?
why did he want to know so badly? was he driven by duty to save? duty to find the Truth? duty to protect his loved ones and seek cosmic answers? are these separate things, or are they all intertwined in him?
i'm... really going to have to think this one over. i would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, as well. i wish i had a solid interpretation. it was very serious and sad, and it was bittersweet but filled with grief. i once again echo my earlier request for fluff. but how do you go back to the way things were once he says she was with him in every life? how does scully rationalize that? what are they to each other?
i'm pondering. it feels like something has shifted. and you can't go back now, even if i can't pinpoint what it is that changed.
i want to go back to daydreaming about apple cider dates. but it feels like you can't, you know? huh.
#this one was A Lot for me#i am not sure i would rewatch this recreationally because it was so much grief#and i am grateful for the character analysis but also i don't know what to do with it#i just have ALL THESE FEELINGS and i don't know WHERE TO PUT THEM#so yes i ask every episode for interpretations/thoughts/feelings/reactions#but for this one i am BEGGING on my knees. pls share yours.#it feels like something has changed forever and can never go back and i almost wish it could#what am i feeling? anyone wanna tell me?#maybe this is one of those things you need longer than 24 hours to comprehend#if you have struggled with what this episode means and came to your own answer lmk because it feels like a koan#IT'S JUST A SHOW i tell myself as i try to decode the meaning of life IT'S JUST A SHOW#but i want them to be happy and it so rarely happens!#is that so wrong... for a girl to want her favorite characters to be happy... no it is not#halloween episode now. show me silly costumes. i need some levity#juni's x files liveblog#4x05#txf#the x files
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How life feels after I block the people who are obviously using AI to create their content
#[rawbin]#Please do not pollute fandom spaces with your AI content#ESPECIALLY don’t try to label it as your own.#not gonna name any names in case I’m wrong but man.#some of u barely even try to hide it 😭😭😭#I can very rarely tell when something is AI and usually need it pointed out to me so you know it’s bad when *I* can tell#It’s so inconsiderate and plainly weird to pretend as if you’ve written something when you only typed in a prompt for the AI :/#I’m not gonna judge students who use AI to help them write essays too hard cause like. I get it it’s tough#but don’t fucking use that shit for what’s meant to be CREATIVE WRITING in a fandom space it’s so gross and dishonest#I get you want recognition and you want to be known and you want to have an audience but it’ll be so much more rewarding for EVERYONE if -#- you just put in the effort to do that yourself.
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you know it's bad when tumblr's being the more mature social media site when it comes to rancid takes on izzy's death
#ofmd#holy shit twitter's devolved into a battleground#what is WRONG with yall involving david jenkins in your beef#you dont have to like what happened but#how many fucking years in fandom does it take for people to learn to be civil#and not base their entire identities around characters so if anything happens to them it's a personal attack#that they then take straight to the creator#if a character dying causes you that much distress then that's a You problem and david fucking jenkins is not responsible#and he's not your therapist#and besides. just because something happened you didnt like doesnt mean it was a bad writing choice#but even if it were. you never have the right to make it anyone else's problem#i cant imagine having the gall#don't do this guys. the cast and crew are so lovely to us. don't make them stop interacting with us#people saying this show was a comfort show. or a safe space show or whatever. thats great for you#but it's not djenk's responsibility to cater to you and not his problem if the show doesn't meet your infinitely high expectations#he's telling a story. things will happen in those stories.#and it's actually p rare on tv that creators are getting to tell the story the way they want so personally im grateful#if you don't like his vision then don't watch it. you don't have the right to bully him. seriously whats wrong with you#cause yeah im sure con o'neill would love what youre doing huh#the fate of a fictional character is sliiiiiightly less important than being kind to people in the real world yknow#only tagging this so people can block for spoilers
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We do think that Riz is a gynandromorph of some description, especially since damselfly sexual dimorphism tends to be pretty distinct and he's displaying a very unconventional morph for a damselfly of any flavor. He would have no goddamned clue what that would mean, of course, and he probably wouldn't care about it if you told him, but he's definitely got something going on there.
#we speak#bug fables#for reference its a Thing for damselflies to have mimicry in the form of Females Who Look Like Males#but its a one-way street. theres no equivalent female-mimic morph for males#which makes riz Extremely Notable since hes displaying a real clear female morph there#and though being transgender would be very much possible for him we prefer this option#especially since it also offers extra reason why he's got such a broad palette compared to his sister and his father#guy is Unusually Big for a male damselfly and just didnt think twice about it. he feels like the sort of guy who just#wouldnt care overly much for self-definition we think. hes got a job to do. do you think he cares about how rare his genes are?#for his sister there is literally no way to tell if shes transfem or just a mimic morph and tbh good for her#we'll. drop some comparison images in a reblog for the irl damselflies#but in general we favor this one both bc it appeals to us more and bc riz just feels like the sort of guy who wouldnt care much abt gender#like. even if he were trans he feels like the sort of guy who would tell like three people about his pronouns#and then just go about his day and either they tell people or they dont and he doesnt particularly care either way#hes got things to do. traps to build. yes hes a guy but what is the point of making a thing out of it when theres poachers to deal with#he feels like the sort of dude to be Cis Guy enough that hes entirely confused as to what ur talking about if u try and misgender him#no clue where youre coming from but youre wrong#anyways back to spear fighting 101#(note: male and female used here as in the arbitrary sex categories. its the junk. we know its not accurate to being A People)#(its the terminology we've got in the back drawer)
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so one of the things that annoys me endlessly is this phenomenon where, when I say I like something, people assume that means I want more of it, a different version of it, add-ons and bells and whistles, and i'm just like
no.
no, when I say I like tea, I mean I like tea. Not herbal tisanes, not "tea with--", no milk, no sugar, no fruit, no frills, just good-quality tea in a range of fermentations and colours.
when I say I like a hot bath, I mean the bath. Not bubble-bath, not bath oils and foams and salves and unguents, not candlelight and music and a zen space to sensually relax with a book and a glass of wine, just a hot bath in a normally-lit bathroom where I can unwind and get clean.
when I say I like beer, I mean I like beer. Not fruit-flavoured, not with a special something-something added, for the love of GOD not sweetie-flavoured, just a well-brewed ale or stout in a simple pint glass, in good company.
and that isn't because there's anything WRONG with the add-ons! these are not bad things! I know that for some people, a tea advent calendar with different herbal blends, or a luxurious foamy scented bath with candles and music, is what they mean by "I like tea" and "I like baths". but it would just be nice if when I asked for a green tea, people didn't assume I mean "with..."
anyway this post is about lord of the rings: war of the rohirrim
#lord of the rings#fandom#TO EXPOUND UPON THIS#1) the most common pushback I have had on this is “but you like fanfic!” and i cannot express enough that i like WRITING fanfic#this is actually one of the biggest problems i have engaging with fandom. i rarely want to Consume More Of The Canon (But Different)#i have not read more than a dozen fanfictions in the past decade and honestly in most of those cases i read them out of obligation#2) I am not saying War of the Rohirrim is necessarily bad#i haven't seen it. i mean my expectations are somewhere around floor level but it could surprise me by being great.#2a) my problem is not with the existence of “canon fanfiction” media it's with the expectation (among friends) that i actively want it#i have not watched rings of power either and again it's not that i necessarily assumed it would be bad. i just. kinda don't care?#this is not the story of which i am a fan! this is a different story with a different direction! the world is not what compels me!#3) i am not shaming or judging anyone who DOES interact with fandom that way#or who gets excited for tie-in media and sequels and remakes and fanfiction and spin-offs#but as with tea and baths and beer it is very wearing to feel like i am somehow interacting with fandom Wrong by NOT wanting that?#like. to me personally it is enough - in fact actively preferable - to have a bounded and complete Thing and enjoy it#to the extent where i increasingly struggle with very long/multi-era shows like star trek or doctor who#i just want tea!#AND LIKE TO BE FAIR THE TEA METAPHOR GOES FURTHER#because i actually do really like some masala chais#and my tea shelf has roiboos and genmaicha and also just A Pot Of Mint none of which are “just tea”#the issue is not “i never want things that fit into the 'same but different' category”#it's “I want people to understand that when I say I like tea I primarily mean that I like plain infusions of camellia sinensis”#“I would like you to tell me which brands of PLAIN APPLE CIDER you have before running through the list of fruit flavours”#“having candles next to my bath stresses me out and that doesn't affect my love of baths because i can simply not light any”
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I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.
#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell)#she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill#i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending#i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months#and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc#the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too#it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations#but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities#and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy#like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists#and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child#where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff.#i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either#or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers#they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for#(it just wasn't did)#they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help#but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties#the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies#but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo#aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam#did#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#ddnos#munchausen syndrome#mass psychogenic illness#ableism
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dudes ive hit a point with The Horrors:tm: where im unable to convince myself that any of my friends actually like me
#vent#it's like. i think im a pretty solid guy#my negative traits dont define my view of myself etc#i understand that if someone doesnt ike me it doesnt mean im horible etc#but like. i am unable to believe that anyone wants to be around me#even if someone explicitly says they want to talk to me/want to hang out/enjoy my presence#im like hmm. well. sounds fake.#and again it's not like i think im an unlovable piece of shit or something#i just dont think anyone is being honest with me#like i rarely notice hints or subtext or passive aggression when people talk to me#but im simultaneously excessively sensitive and will be like 'wait do they hate me now' if someone sends like an all lowercase one word tex#because it's like. oh no what if they actually ARE hinting that they dont like me. etc#most of the time when i get 'god shut the fuck up' vibes theres not actually anything wrong#BUT because theres been so many times that i MISSED the 'god shut the fuck up' vibes#i automatically assume everyone is mad at me/doesnt like me/doesnt want t talk.#even trying to say 'usually im wrong about people being mad' is extremely difficult#bc im like. fully convinced ive been right every time#and that everyone has just been lying t me#this has been a thing since like. age 14+ for me#but lately it's gotten worse#and like im scared to even dm a friend a meme because they might be mad (they literally sent me a song rec earlier. i have no reason to#assume theyre mad. except when i got the messages i was like 'oh no what if this has a hidden meaning')#it's one of those things where like. my anxiety medication works really well#but this is the flavor of anxiety thats inspired by past experiences#s even if i try to tell myself there arent any signs that theyre mad/annoyed/whatever#i immediately think 'but ive been wrong before.'#and then that same loop stops me from asking. because asking either annoys people or they lie to me about it#idk idk idk im tired#even if i did ask i wouldnt believe any answer other than 'yes im mad/annoyed/whatever'#including if they add 'i just need to be alone right now' or 'yes but not at you' or 'yes and i need to cool off'
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You know with Mine alive that's three people now who didn't really die in Y3, the other two being Kashiwagi and Lau Ka Long. I honestly don't mind but it is getting kinda funny. Is Kanda going to turn up next? Was Y3 just Daigo's coma dream and none of it actually happened? Would explain how the orphanage was rebuilt so fast.
yakuza 3 hospital scene good ending
#snap chats#'take care of the okinawa deal' they are going to slap joji and tell him to leave what the hell is a black monday#thats so funny tho like Sting Operation Gone Horribly And Catastrophically Wrong#but yes daigo-san's awake now so its ok theres no need to pursue it#'the money....' bby mine's got us covered... the money from the okinawa deal is irrelevant...#kiryu you can keep your lame orphans i guess daigo-san's alive and well they are no longer an issue#it was just.. the most convoluted way to keep daigo in office... to mine at least..#but hes ok see :) now everything can go back to normal :)#anyway unrelated.... this my fave mine scene idc if its heterobait#idc if its straightbait LMAO#he looks so soft.. the rare non-murderous smile... epic...
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