#and they probably haven’t reached a desperate stage

[niaerinisms]

So like I was thinking about ID!MC (with the new book coming next week) and is it just me or do they not drink blood after being turned? I thought the implication was that new vampires desperately need to drink blood after they’re turned but we don’t get that with MC? I suppose the wine could’ve been blood but MC also gets the choice not to drink it. It’s probably nothing but I find it interesting…..

[wintersera]

I just need anything g!p heejin or jinsoul, they have been FILLING my brains lately. I CANT

sub g!p jinsoul x dom f!reader

notes: have been a jinsoul stan since 2018 and i haven’t seen much loona smut in a while so this ask is saur perfect MWAH anon lemme give u a smooch <33

cw: cute desperate subby jinsoul, dom reader, oral (giving), uh dick grinding, teasy reader, g!p idol.

word count: 2.1k

you two knew each other from your time as trainees back in bbc BURN THAT FUCKASS COMPANY. years go by and you see your best friend finally debut under the group loona. what she didn’t know is that you thought of her constantly, months into your friendship you were falling in love with her and then more months go by and you’re thinking lewd thoughts about her. she’d often wear these shorts during practice showing her perfectly thick cock through the material, wanting nothing more than to take it out right here right now and give her the best head she’d ever have. but anyways unfortunately for you, you never made the cut, eventually leaving the company for good and training under a different label trying to make a name for yourself. due to this you weren’t able to contact soulie at all :(( feeling empty and lonely without her presence, and because of that shit ass company she was in, contacting her was nearly impossible and you knew for a fact it would take ages for you to even text her again. you couldn’t bear being away from her at all but since you guys were training, her being a soon to be idol at that time, you chose to never confess your undying feelings for the sake of her debut and the sake of your sanity.

years later you debut under hybes new girlgroup ���le sserafim’. although you knew the chances of seeing jinsoul again were slim, a small hope in you wishes you’d bump into eachother in the waiting rooms. maybe the world was against you, never seeing her during her own promotions. god, you missed her so much.

and out of nowhere the gods had blessed the world, making a comeback with oec whilst you were inkigayos temporary host. luck favoured you this time. you stood patiently at their waiting room door, heart thumping in your chest. she was in there and you knew it, hearing her silly laugh probably laughing at some stupid thing kim lip was doing or maybe just laughing at her for simply making an angry face. knocking on the door your heart reaches your head, beating louder and louder and louder. focused on calming your heartbeat you don’t realise that she’s right in front of you, a silly grin plastered on her face.

“it’s been so long how have you been y/n?” suddenly embracing you in her arms. you knew she was always affectionate like this, but now it feels way more different. it felt like electricity surging through your body. oh how you missed her touch. “i knew you’d debut some day but in le sserafim? the concept suits you so much you know” a proud smile on her face. “OH also i did watch all your stages if you were wondering, you look really really good”

confessing that she found you attractive shot an arrow through your heart, well in your delusional head you definitely thought that. your one sided crush resurfacing as soon as she compliments you. “OEC 10 minutes till you’re on stage again!!!” her manager beckoning her to go back inside to get her makeup re-applied. “i’ll contact you later- wait, give me your phone real quick” following her orders you scramble for your phone, pulling it out of your pockets. “see you later” leaving with a wink, handing your phone back to you with a brand new number in your contacts.

delusional thinking does not do you well, you’d definitely have to find a way to fuck her. and of course confess your crush- but currently your mind is pretty much focused on pleasuring her first.

after weeks went by contacting her through text and stuff you finally found an available time slot for the both of you, praying to whatever is holy that your schedule doesn’t make a drastic change. she offered for you to go to her dorm since both of the other members had solo schedules that day. although you did miss seeing choerry and kimlip you didn’t mind only just hanging out with her.

you kinda got what she was thinking. inviting you to her dorm, alone. your texts often becoming quite heated from time to time, eventually leading up to you being unbelievably horny at night. you knew she was trying to get with you and you couldn’t care any less. you wanted her badly, even if it was just a fling. you needed jinsoul.

knocking on her door, you space out wondering what you were gonna do. you’re ‘hanging’ out? yeah sure you definitely are… its not like she’s grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the dorm, telling you that she needs you badly. hold on… thats exactly what she’s doing. it’s been so long since she’s seen you and she desperately wants you to fuck her. “this is really out of the blue, but you and me are close and i’ve missed you so much. obviously you can refuse, but right now i want you” heart fluttering at her confession you comply.

hands moving on their own, not even using your words, you grab her jaw making her look directly at you. eye to eye “so you want me to fuck you? is that what you’re implying?” oh poor soulie, always so defenseless when it comes to this. she’s always on the attack so why is she so submissive when she wants you? blood rushing to her face she’s speechless, fidgeting with her hair and shuffling around awkwardly, possibly trying to hide her hard on. it’s on full display there’s no chance of hiding it now my dear. teasing her came easy, you knew how her personality works and you used that to your advantage. “always so big on words but as soon as someone gives you the same energy back you’re flustered? i missed that side of you so much jinsoul”

not even making your way out of the doorway you find yourself at her chest taking off her bra smiling and drooling at the thought of her naked tits. you take things fast with her, sucking on her nipples while you’re pawing at her cock thoroughly inspecting her length. impatient, you take it out of her boxers, the tip hitting her abs creating a dull thud that echoed through you brain. licking your lips, you wonder how she tastes placing a hand on her thigh stabilising yourself as you get down on your knees. complete mess under your touch, resting her back on the front door, grabbing the back of your head and the door knob just in case kimlip and choerry happen to come back early.

sliding yourself down, trailing licks and kisses down from her chest to her stomach and to the base of her dick, pressing your face against her rock hard cock once you made yourself all the way down there. locking eyes with her you kiss the tip of her dick, precum already oozing out. her legs twitching at the sensation of it all, your lips lightly grazing against her skin. hand leaving the door knob to cover her mouth while you start working on her tip. teasing her with kitten licks, smirking at all the lewd noises coming from her mouth and from her slick cock.

“babyyy” whining out in the tiniest voice you’ve heard from her “p-please.. skip the teas-mmm skip the teasing ,y/n take me whole” begging and pouting her lips at you. although you’d go crazy on her, the thought of having her beg whilst squirming was so delicious to you.

“not just yet, i’m not done with you” standing up you drag her to the unoccupied couch commanding her to lay down, face up. taking off the black skirt you were wearing ,worn specifically for her to ogle at you whilst you bend down, letting it fall to your ankles followed by your panties which were also tossed aside. coming over to her, straddling her hips as you tease her with the view. “watch this” just hovering above her dick, you slowly hike up your shirt exposing your not so covering bra. placing the fabric in between your mouth so that it wouldn’t fall down, you take her hand, rubbing circles with your thumb to get her to relax. “want to touch?” voice low and raspy, blessing her ears.

face lighting up, her eyes widen. she’s so excited about your tits that’s so cute what the hell. “y-yeah…” stammering cutely as her hands shake, reaching for your bra. “take it off please?” asking so sweetly, you do so. eyes glued onto the way your tits fall out as the bra comes off of you. “so pretty”

as much as you wanted to pounce on her dick right now, you wanted to tease her even more. the cute dumb look on her face was so precious to you that you couldn’t take your eyes away from her every single little reaction. watching as you fondle your own breasts right in front of her you notice that her dick is standing straight up. god you want it in you so bad. but not yet. teasingly touching her stomach drawing shapes on her skin ,almost but not really, touching the base of her cock. “pleeeasee, y/n i’m so desperate for you come onnn” yet again whining as you touch her ever so lightly. “hurrryyy, i need you so bad” raising her hips high into the air trying to reach the entrance of your cunt.

“ah- ah ah” clicking your tongue at her “be patient or else you won’t get your reward” tears pricking her eyes she frowns in defeat. she’s so close but sooo far away.

holding her dick suddenly makes her whole body twitch, unintentionally making her moan your name. pressing her dick flat against her stomach, you finally press your drenched cunt against her shaft. not what shes craving but it feels good nonetheless. starting out slowly you begin to grind on her cock, feeling the bumpy veins hit your clit perfectly. using both of your hands you place them against her stomach lightly, holding her gently so that you can control your grinding.

“ahhh y/n~ keep doing that” enjoying the way your tits bounce up and down, jinsoul already feels like she’s going to cum. holding your hips helping you grind harder on her, she lets out a low groan “hnnnmg, shitt- i love you, y/n i love you so much” confessing her love for you as she cums, legs twitching as her back lifts from the couch, tightening her grip on your hips, cum splurting all over her stomach. feeling generous you lean down licking all the cum off of her abs, humming at the sweet taste. after her orgasm she’d notice that you still haven’t came. wanting you to feel good as well she lifts you up by the hips and places her tip at your entrance. “sit down… please” with a soft voice commanding you on her cock. wetness helping you, you slide herself inside your cunt, almost hitting your cervix because she’s just that big. long dragged out moans spilling from your mouth as she adjusts herself comfortably inside of you “fuck- you’re really really tight, i don't think i can move much”

“not unless i do this” flashing her a sly smile, you rock your hips back and forth slowly. feeling yourself loosen up, you begin to ride her harder bouncing and smashing yourself into her thick cock. “soulie, you’re- you’re so big aahh.. your cock feels s-so good” no shame in moaning you let yourself go wild, beginning to go crazy on her cock, you scream out her name, loving the feeling of her big dick filling your pussy up. hands on her shoulders you lean into her, arching your back so that you can fuck yourself better. missing her touch you grab her arms wrapping around your waist as you let her fuck you fiercely “mmmm.. jinsoulll, i missed your touch so- fuck.. i missed y-your touch so much ah-“ now chasing your high it was your turn to confess as you reach your orgasm “jinsoul- oh my god, i-i love you so mu- fuck, i love you so so much, gonna cum, i’m cumming ahh..” vision turning blurry, you believe your seeing stars. gripping onto her shoulders like she’s going to leave you once more, you let your climax course through your system, making you lose all sense of being. yes it was that good. helping you ride out your high, she cums in you a few seconds later, feeling your pussy tighten around her dick sent her body into pure bliss, letting out guttural moans as she spews her hot cum inside of you.

feeling the effects of fatigue, you collapse into her arms. embracing you once more you smile at her sweetness. “wrong moment.. but can you be my girlfriend?”

giggling at her silliness you can’t help but kiss her on the lips “i was going to ask you the same thing you silly”

[munson-blurbs]

I am thinking older Eddie? 🤔 he's not nearly as confident as he used to be but meets his dream gal at maybe a concert? Gets his groove back. Maybe he's a single dad who feels like he hasn't had time or energy to be himself anymore and she makes him feel like that again?

I just feel like you'll be able to really make it so good.

Warnings: none--all fluff :)

WC: 2.7k

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

“Okay, his bedtime is 7:30 PM, but if you get him down before 8:30, I’ll be amazed,” Eddie tells his uncle, grabbing his guitar case and slinging it over his shoulder. “He’s in that phase where he only wants to eat macaroni and cheese, so just go with that tonight. No need for you to fight with him over it.”

Wayne chuckles, bouncing the toddler on his hip. “And when will you be out of your ‘only eating macaroni and cheese’ phase?” he asks Eddie, who promptly flips him off in response. “Hey! Not in front of the impressionable kid!”

“Daddy will see you when you wake up tomorrow,” Eddie promises his son, pressing a quick kiss to his scalp. “Be good for Grandpa.”

“Oh, he’s always good for me,” Wayne says, making a funny face at the little boy. “Isn’t that right, Kirk?” He frowns as Kirk’s tiny bottom lip quivers and he reaches out for his dad. “C’mon, buddy; Dad has to go to his concert!”

“No!” Kirk whines, crocodile tears streaming down his chubby cheeks. Eddie’s heart pangs, and he second guesses his decision to go out.

As though he can read his nephew’s mind, Wayne tuts at Eddie’s hesitation. “Nuh-uh, absolutely not. You haven’t done anything for yourself since this troublemaker was born.” He wipes a tear from Kirk’s face and blows a raspberry into his belly. A mix of giggles and sobs leaves the boy’s throat. “We’re gonna be just fine. Now, go.” He practically shoves Eddie out the door. 

It’s been ten years since Eddie graduated from Hawkins High. The day he crossed that stage, middle fingers aimed at his exasperated principal, he’d vowed never to return to this shithole town. And he’d kept that promise up until two years ago. Kirk was only five months old when Celeste had up and left, claiming that she couldn’t handle the stress of motherhood any longer. She’d left her key to their dingy apartment on the countertop, along with the engagement ring Eddie had saved so long to buy her. He’d pawned it a few weeks later, desperate to scrounge up some money for baby formula. And when that money ran out, he’d found himself back in his hometown, bunking with his uncle. Again. 

The goal was to move out, get a little place for himself and Kirk, and give Wayne his trailer—and his freedom—back. After years of raising his brother’s kid, the last thing he probably wanted was to help raise his nephew’s. For the most part, Eddie’s able to balance his job as a telemarketer and fatherhood, especially since he mostly works from home. But on the days where he has to schlep into the office, he relies on Wayne for child care. His salary is decent, and he has medical coverage for himself and his kid, but he hates working a nine-to-five desk job. 

He tunes the radio to a classic rock station, bypassing whatever saccharine pop songs repeat on the Top 40 channels. A smile tugs at his lips when he hears the familiar bridge. 

Master, master

Where’s the dreams that I’ve been after?

Master, master

You promised only lies

It takes him back to a time where his only worries were passing O’Donnell’s class and planning sadistic Hellfire campaigns. Now, his life revolves around potty training and quelling temper tantrums. But even on his most exhausting days, like when he makes Kirk exactly what he wants for lunch, and the kid flips the plate onto the floor, he would do anything for him. He’d choose his son one thousand times over.

Did I leave the number to the club in case of an emergency? he thinks, slamming on the brakes and nearly causing a collision before remembering that he’d jotted it down on a notepad and given it to Wayne. 

It’s been too long since he’s played in front of anyone, save for lullabies to get Kirk to sleep. But Gareth was coming back to Indiana for a weekend, and he’d damn near begged the guys for a one-night only Corroded Coffin reunion. Eddie didn’t have the heart to turn him down.

He looks over his shoulder into the backseat, catching a glimpse of Kirk’s car seat. Who would’ve thought that the teenager who used to try to hook up with girls in the back of the van–emphasis on try–would now spend his time cleaning out Cheerio crumbs between the seats?

Pulling into the parking lot, Eddie breathes out a nervous sigh. He’s been practicing every day, all the covers they used to play back in the mid-80s, but he doesn’t have the same confidence he did back when they jammed out at the Hideout. Being a parent certainly knocks you down a few pegs, has you questioning yourself all too often.

“Here goes nothing,” he mutters to himself, pulling his guitar from the trunk and heading into the club. 

“Hey, man! Long time no see!” Jeff claps him on the back, and Gareth pulls him in for a hug. “Jesus, it’s been years.”

“You didn’t bring the kid?” Gareth asks, peering around.

Eddie just laughs. “Nah, ‘s a little past his bedtime. Plus,” he adds, “I don’t want him starting school and singing ‘Hot for Teacher.’” The rest of the band shares a chuckle and starts warming up.

“Did you guys check out the bartender?” Trevor asks, tuning his bass. “She’s a cutie, if any of you wanna chat her up later.”

Gareth snorts. “Eddie’s the only single one out of us; and we all know how he is with the ladies.” He turns to his friend. “Seriously, when’s the last time you got any, dude?”

Too long, Eddie thinks, but just gives Gareth a friendly shove. “Your mom gave it to me good last night.” He grins as Jeff and Trevor chime in with a chorus of oohs. But he’s curious about this bartender, so he peeks around the curtain.

And there you are.

“Holy shit,” he breathes. You’re wearing a black tank top that frames your chest perfectly, paired with a denim miniskirt. Your eyes crinkle as you giggle at something a patron says, and Eddie feels himself melt. “She’s, like, really fuckin’ pretty.” His eyes widen. “Should I talk to her?”

“Let’s play our set first, all right Casanova?” Jeff jokes. “Impress her with your kickass vocals and guitar skills, if you’ve still got ‘em.”

Eddie gives him the middle finger, but he’s wondering the same thing. He doesn’t have time to explore it further before the emcee is announcing Corroded Coffin. “Showtime, boys!” Eddie calls out, hoping no one catches the warble in his voice.

Forty minutes later, the four guys jog off the stage, drenched in sweat and filled with adrenaline.

“That…was…awesome!” Trevor shouts, high-fiving the rest of them. “We can still rock after all these years!”

Eddie’s grinning so wide, his lips could stretch off of his face. “Hell yeah, we do! Woooo!” He grabs a towel and wipes his forehead and back of his neck. He feels like he’s on top of the world; nothing he’d bought from Reefer Rick ever gave him this type of high. He clenches the guitar pick that hangs around his neck; it’s just like the one he wore in high school, except this one has a photo of Kirk on it. Wayne had it custom made for Kirk’s first Christmas. Your old man was a rockstar tonight, little buddy, he thinks, hopefully, you’ll be able to watch me in action someday.

His thoughts are interrupted by a light knocking. He turns around to see you standing in the doorway, holding a tray with four ice-cold glasses of water. “You boys thirsty?” you ask, flashing a smile that could knock him right off of his feet.

“Eddie sure is,” Jeff mutters with a smirk, which disappears as soon as Eddie shoots him a glare. If looks could kill, Jeff would be six feet under right about now.

You cock your brow with a confused expression, but Eddie just shoves his hands in his pockets and meanders over. “Thanks,” he mumbles, plucking a glass from the tray.

“Are you…Eddie?” You look up at him through your lashes, gazing into his chocolate brown eyes. 

“Thas’ me,” he says with a small laugh. “Did you like the show?” He could smack himself; you probably tuned out the music at this point. Especially loud metal covers by a bunch of late twenty-somethings.

He’s surprised by your enthusiastic nod. “Yeah, you guys are amazing! It was a nice change from the grunge bands that usually play.” You wrinkle your nose. “The other day, we had someone come in who only sang Spice Girls songs. That was interesting.”

Eddie laughs, despite his nerves. “Was she any good, at least?”

“No,” you reply pointedly, “he was not.” You motion towards his empty cup. “Want a refill? Or maybe something stronger?”

“Maybe just a Shirley Temple; he’s gotta get up in the morning with his kid,” Gareth pipes up, and Eddie whips his dirty towel at his head.

Your eyes soften. “You have a kid?” It’s not an accusation, nor is it said with disgust, which Eddie is all-too used to. 

“Y-Yeah, a two-year-old,” he stammers, leaning forward slightly to show the guitar pick necklace with his son’s photo on it. “His name’s Kirk.”

“As in Hammett, or as in Captain?” you tease. “Or both?”

Eddie runs a hand through his tangled curls. “Hammett; definitely Hammett,” he answers with a chuckle. “Kid’s probably cooler than him, too.”

“Well, his dad is a total rockstar, so I’m not surprised,” you shrug. “C’mon back to the bar with me, and I’ll get you that Shirley Temple. On the house,” you add.

Jeff waggles his eyebrows and Trevor lets out a low wolf-whistle as Eddie follows you. Gareth is still traumatized from the towel incident to mess with him.

He used to flirt with bartenders all the time; the more out of his league they were, the more fun it was to shoot his shot. But he’s out of practice now, and it doesn’t help that he’s completely intimidated by you.

Think, Munson, think, he wills himself. “So, uh, what’s your name?” You give him your name, and he smiles. “That’s a kickass name, yeah.” A ‘kickass name’? That’s the best you could come up with?

You only laugh at his response. “I mean, I’m not named after Kirk Hammett, but it’s not half bad.”

“Nah, it’s a good name.” Okay, enough with the name, Jesus. “How long have you been a bartender?”

“Feels like forever,” you muse. “It’s my night gig; just a way to make money while I’m working on my novel.” You drop some maraschino cherries into a clean glass. “Fun fact: thinking about publishing a book pays zero dollars.”

“You’re an author?” Eddie asks incredulously. “What kinda book are you writing?”

A blush creeps into your cheeks. “An aspiring author, I guess,” you say shyly, “but it’s a fantasy novel, like a Lord of the Rings type of thing.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “You’ve read Tolkien?” Duh; she literally just compared her work to his. Why else would she do that?

“He’s one of my favorite authors,” you admit, pouring the sweet grenadine and ginger ale before sliding the glass to him. “Him, Stephen King, Mary Shelley…”

“No fuckin’ way,” he breathes, and you look at him quizzically. “I mean, I’ve never met someone so pretty who was also into fantasy.” 

You giggle at the compliment. “Well, maybe we could talk more about it sometime? Like, when I’m not on the clock?”

Eddie’s head spins at the offer. “You drink coffee?” he blurts out. He couldn’t stand the stuff when he was younger, but after far too many sleepless nights with a colicky infant, he’d acquired a taste for it.

“I do,” you nod, grabbing the pen from behind your right ear and snatching the nearest unused napkin you can find. “Let me give you my phone number, if you wanna call me.”

They’re the most beautiful ten digits Eddie’s ever seen. “If I wanna…of course, yeah, that sounds great.” He folds the napkin carefully before putting it in his pocket, not wanting to smudge the ink. “I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon?”

“I’ll be at home, writing,” you laugh. “See you around, Eddie.”

“Yeah, see ya…thanks for your number,” he manages before darting back to the band, beaming like a kid who just woke up to a pile of presents on Christmas morning. “Oh, shit,” he says suddenly, reaching into his wallet and fumbling for some cash, pulling out a crumpled five-dollar bill.

“I told you,” you remind him with the smile that makes him swoon, “I’ll cover this one. Use the money you’re saving to buy something awesome for Kirk.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Gotta at least leave a tip for excellent service. And for managing not to tell those idiots back there to shut the fuck up.” Although he wouldn’t have been mad if you had. At this point, he didn’t think there was anything you could do that would turn him off.

“Nah, they’re harmless,” you wave off his statement. “Trust me, that’s nothing compared to some of the things guys say to me.” You shudder at the memory of the perverted statements leaving their whiskey-soaked lips.

Eddie sits up straighter. “Like what?” he asks, voice brimming with concern. 

“Oh, you know.” You try to sound casual. “Commenting on my body, grabbing my ass, asking to take me home–even when I can see that they’re wearing a wedding ring.”

“Sounds like you need a bodyguard,” he muses, taking a sip of his drink, rings clinking against the glass. The sugar perks him up as soon as it hits his tongue. 

“You offering?” It comes out more salacious than you’d anticipated, but you’re not about to take it back. The look on his face is priceless; he’s clearly not used to people flirting with him so brazenly. 

You watch as Eddie gives a shy smile, caught off-guard yet again. He toys with his necklace before answering. “Gotta earn my free drinks somehow. Otherwise, I’m just a mooch.”

“Yeah, but you’re a really cute mooch, so…” you giggle, wiping down the bar with a nearby towel. “I’d call it even.”

He nearly chokes on his drink. You think he’s cute? Really cute? He wants to ask if it’s a joke, or a prank that the guys put you up to. But you seem so genuine, and it’s been years since anyone has made him feel this special, so he swallows his insecurities. “Th-thanks,” he stutters. “I think it’s mostly the guitar; makes me look like a big shot.”  

“I think it’s your eyes. Or your smile,” you counter, placing your hand on top of his. “But the guitar certainly doesn’t hurt.” You glance down at his ringed fingers. “None of these symbolize an everlasting union, do they?”

“Nope,” he replies, popping the p dramatically. “Just my commitment to tacky jewelry.”

You laugh, leaning in a bit closer to him. “I think I can handle that.” And for a moment, the world stops as Eddie’s breath hitches. He’s desperate to kiss you, but he’s sticky with sweat and doesn’t want to do anything in the dingy bar where you work. No, you deserve a nice date at a fancy restaurant with a freshly-showered Eddie Munson.

“Hey, Romeo!” Jeff calls out, walking towards the two of you with the rest of the band. “Wanna grab some pizza before your carriage turns back into a pumpkin?”

No, Eddie thinks crossly, I want to stay here and talk to the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen until closing time. 

“I’ve gotta get back to work anyway,” you reassure him. “But we can continue this conversation over that coffee date.”

Eddie visibly relaxes at the mention of your next meeting. “Abso-fuckin-lutely,” he agrees. And before he can wimp out, he presses his lips to your cheek, watching as your cheeks tinge a delicious shade of pink. 

Look at you, Munson. Back in the game.

--

[howlsofbloodhounds]

So we've already seen the reactions that could be provoked by Killer if Color was kidnapped... But I'm wondering just how bad it could be if Killer had to witness Color die right in front of him, helpless, unable to do anything.

I have no idea if this has been talked about before or not but I'd really like to hear your thoughts!!!

Like imagine if Color had made him a promise once before, saying that he promises that he'll never leave him no matter what happens.

And well, now that the promise is broken... Yeah

TW: talk of death and suicide and suicidal ideation, plus past suicide attempt. Stage 1 view death as freedom and rest, and Stage 2 not caring if he lives or dies so longs as he’s useful. Plus Killer being codependent on Color for purpose.

To be honest, I don’t think Killer would think much of promises. While in Stage 1, he’d have a more emotional connection to the idea of course, but I doubt Stage 2 genuinely cares or connects with such concepts. If it’s an emotionally charged moment, he’d probably make a joke or something a blow of the encounter as nothing much.

If we’re going by my little headcanons about Chara and Killer having a scared pinky swear system, where the other is allowed punished with death should the pinky swear ever be broken, Stage 2 would probably take a pinky swear in this context to mean, “If Color swears to never leave me, pinky swears on it, and then leaves me; then I am allowed to kill him.”

Color’s promise would be “I pinky swear not to leave you,” but Killer’s would be, “If you leave me, I am allowed to kill you.”

And I feel that..that idea would seem off to him, which has never happened before. He does not want to kill Color (and Color tells him that’s important, what Killer wants). So I don’t think Killer would offer him a pinky swear, regardless of the sense of security it’d bring him, but as a result he wouldn’t take Color’s promise that seriously. Death and violence is an inevitable part of life to Killer, but he still grieves them all so much in Stage 1.

(Back when he was with Chara and not out in the real world, he could just write the deaths off as not mattering while in Stage 2. Chara can Reset, they’ll come back, it’s fine. It’s different now that death is more permanent and sure, but still, it’s normal.)

Ultimately, I think Color’s death is going to be one of those things he doesn’t remember clearly. He will probably finds pieces of Color in the mundane aspects of life (the little romantic he is)—he’ll see Color in the flames of candlelight, and Color in the cameras he would’ve loved, and Color in the quotes about hope and change. Color in the warmth of heat and the light of the sun. The vibrant colors of rainbows after a rainy day.

If Killer remains with Nightmare, there’s an extreme possibility that he’ll eventually become unable to tell if any of it ever actually happened while in Stage 1. If Color was real, or just a figment the sputtering ashes of Sans conjured up in a desperate attempt to believe that freedom and hope is possible for something like Killer. Especially if Nightmare or any of the other Gang members reinforce this belief, and either don’t allow or get rid of any signs that Color existed.

He likely won’t trust any attempts of people like Dream or Swap, trying to reach out.

I doubt there’d be any chance of convincing Killer to leave Nightmare in this timeline. Hope and light died with Color, and so did the warmth. Nightmare would probably replace him with another Killer soon, whenever Killer’s determination fades away and leaves him a husk.

This type of Killer realizes that peace was possible in a way that wasn’t just death, but that was taken away. He realized what he was missing, what he was being denied, unlike other Killers who haven’t or won’t meet Color or someone like him. He’ll serve Nightmare until he becomes obsolete.

I’m sure he’ll consider ending himself in Stage 1. He did it after he killed Chara. If he has any responsibilities or people to say goodbye to, such as his cats or Swap or the rest of the Epic and Star Sanses, then I’m sure he’ll do that. With plans to off himself as soon as possible if no one stops him; because Killer doesn’t live for himself. Hasn’t for a long time. He practically begs both Color and Swap to put him out of his misery.

He lives either out of spite and Determination, or because there’s still a use someone can make of him; because others want him to.

So in the case where he’s with Nightmare, his Stage 2 self will live out of spite, because he’s still useful, because the Player wants him alive. His Stage 1 self will probably try to take care of his cats. Once his use is up he won’t fight death.

If he’s free of Nightmare, I think this will probably be when the Epic Sanses and Dream and Swap all attempt to keep a close eye on him. I don’t think he’ll like it, he probably doesn’t feel like they’re doing it out of concern for him, but simply because of pity or because they cared about Color and Color cared about him.

I think he’ll spend a lot of time in Stage 2, and as a result, I think he’ll probably just leave the Omega Timeline for a while. It’s too full of memories of Color, of things that won’t happen again, and people looking at him with pity or disgust that are an inconvenience.

He probably won’t take his cats with him; just make sure they’re safe with Ccino or the other Epic Sanses. He won’t ask Delta to come with him (he has Beta to provide stability for, and running away with Nightmare’s pet is just asking to be called a traitor), and neither will he ask Epic or Cross. On some level, Stage 2 Killer probably always just assumed that they all only tolerated him because of Color.

I’m seeing a possibility where Stage 2 packs his bags, drops his cats and their care stuff off with Ccino or at a cat daycare in the Omega Timeline, and attempts to secretly leave some time at night. But maybe he’s headed off by Dream, Core Frisk, Epic, Cross and Delta + Beta.

They’re all here to make sure Killer isn’t attempting to run off to off himself or trying to go back to Nightmare, which, no. He isn’t. Color wouldn’t want that for him.

And besides that, Epic and Cross and XChara are possibly wanting to go with him; wherever Killer is journeying off to. Killer has no idea why the fuck they want to, but he doesn’t care if they come or not. (They’re claim it’s because Killer is their bro (Epic’s words), but he thinks it’s because they don’t want him changing his mind as soon as he slips into Stage 1 and brings out a dagger.)

Delta and Beta would go with them, but as always, Delta won’t risk Beta’s health and safety. So they’re to say goodbye and make sure Killer stays in touch and visits. It’s the same for Dream and Core, but Core is also there to find Killer a safe place to stop at.

They’ll probably attempt to drop him and the others off in an AU that has enough positivity that Nightmare won’t think to look, but also has a place and precautions in place should Killer become a safety risk.

That was the deal when Killer first joined the Omega Timeline—no killing, no harming, no negativity. No going back to Nightmare and risking the Omega Timeline and its residents.

So what I’m saying is they’ll probably plop him into some sort of rehabilitation center, and if he has a therapist in the Omega Timeline (which I doubt), he’ll probably either do online sessions as mandatory or be required to find one in this AU.

Because although he seems fine and perfectly put together in Stage 2 (he’s still not, given how he avoids and dodges any topic discussing Color), everyone knows it’s a different story in every other Stage. Either way, I feel like Color’s death will leave him feeling once again hopeless and trapped—that it’s pointless to want for anything—and that death is the only rest.

(I also wouldn’t be surprised if he starts hearing Color’s voice in his head and seeing his shadowy figure of the corner of his eye eventually, too.)

[booradleysgf]

i saw a poll abt Gaten Matarazzo and Joe Locke’s Toby the other day and even though I haven’t found a full recording of Joe’s performance I think that Gaten is the better Toby AND I HAVE MY REASONS!!!!! this has nothing to do with either of them as people, but i do just think that Gaten having experience in theater definitely shows throughout his performance. while Joe is incredibly sympathetic in the way he approaches Toby, I feel as though he’s just sort of scampering around the stage with a really good singing voice. he’s not really making choices, and if he is, they don’t translate well from the stage. Gaten’s performance is so good because he’s making choices that you can see. his comedy is the result of the way he delivers his performance, whereas Joe’s comedy comes from the lines themselves and the situations. there’s a moment in act i where Sweeney reaches over to tap his leg and—probably because of his experience with Pirelli—he immediately moves out of the way so as not to be so close to him. at the end of act ii when Toby and Sweeney have their scene, it’s very clear that Gaten is making choices with his inflections and movements and the way he goes about things. the way he sings the nursery rhyme, the way he moves into his spot for the light cue, the seamless transition with the blood whereas—in the performance I saw Joe you can tell he’s holding something in his hands until it goes in his pocket. now, to be fair I’ve only seen one performance of each, but then again that’s what you have to go off in theater. the biggest thing is the difference between their “Not While I’m Around” performances. again, they’re both super duper talented and I’m not comparing their singing abilities or anything like that, merely just the way they both embody the same character. Joe delivers a really touching and simple performance, very little movement and what movement he makes feels very necessary to moving the scene along. nothing wrong with that!! in Gaten’s version he uses his body the entire time, taking up space, moving around, really showing the kind of desperation that is needed for this song. he’s incredibly deliberate with everything, but not in a way that’s difficult to watch or clunky. that’s all I have for you folks… this is just my little rant, i thought I’d share. if anyone has any other thoughts or opinions I’d love to hear them :))

[spookyrobbins]

A hypothetical situation: after the plane crash at times it looked like Callie was staying with Arizona out of obligation. Because she was her wife and leaving her disabled wife when she needed her the most isn't something Callie would ever do. But how do you think everything would've unfolded if the plane crash happened when they were still just dating, when there was no daughter who needed her mother to get better and Callie wasn't taking care of her wife, just her girlfriend?

honestly super obsessed with this

bc yeah there’s a different sort of obligation with marriage and a kid

let’s say the plane crash “replaces” africa in s7 so calzona have been together for long enough that they’re fully committed but not so long that they’re really at that marriage stage (bc lbr calzona really weren’t ready for marriage in s7).

plane crashes, lexie dies, mark is grievously injured, arizonas leg is a mess and she’s dying, all standard procedure

i think probably the most crucial thing is that there would likely need to be someone else helping with arizona and it wouldn’t all be on callie. i mean in s7, calzona were just starting to live together and for arizona to suddenly be disabled, i think callie would be calling in help be it arizonas parents or even just teddy. i think they’d both be on less of island bc i think part of the issues in s9 was how isolated calzona was and especially for callie the amount of pressure that put her under with sofia (arizona had her own set of issues with the isolation too ofc) callie would be (and was) way over her head but i think felt a lot more pressure to take care of arizona herself and not need help.

weirdly also i think arizona might be able to process things better bc she and callie aren’t married, they haven’t reached that level of commitment. ofc, arizona would 100% try and break up with callie and callie would 100% yell at her about it.

also the general implication of it being in place of africa and not having sofia, it severs some of the connection between mark and callie which would put callie in a better position. like obviously it’s terrible for callie to lose a close friend. but there’s a difference between losing a close friend and the father of her child. that i think would alleviate some of callie’s stress and grief tbh.

but also i think calzona not being married but being in this incredibly serious situation would put them in a strange place. like callie doesn’t quite know where the line is of what she can and should be doing for arizona and she doesn’t know how to help arizona. and arizona desperately needs callie not to leave but it feels like a forgone conclusion and it’s paralyzing for her

[justxrandomxlivia]

Emile A239 x fem!Reader part two

Portrait by Joshua Ezzell

Part one Masterlist

Summary: After meeting up with the rest of Team Noble, you're set out on your first mission. Things don't go as planned and you end up arguing with Emile about your behavior. Just why does he have to hold your face like this and stand so damn close you can barely breathe?

Warnings: war, mention of weapons, mention of death, angst, sarcasm, overall harmless, with some hints of early stage smut

Word count: 4503

AN: I posted the second chapter a couple of days ago already, but I was not satisfied how it turned out. So I wrote many parts new and I promise you. You will fall in love with Emile now! He is the most precious angry fluffball ever.

Chapter two: Be a good girl, and I'll take my helmet off for you

15 minutes have already passed, since we started in New Alexandria. We left the heavy rain clouds in the city, and I can finally see a few sunrays again. Two weeks I haven’t seen the sun anymore. The feeling that I’ll never see the sun anymore, grew bigger, minute by minute as I waited in my apartment for pick up.

But being now with Noble Team, makes me believe that everything will be fine. Carter explained me the situation, we are meeting rest of the Noble Team at a safe zone camp. 80 click souths from my home city. Once we arrived, we will be heading 20 click west to an old military facility for pick up of an ONI squad. With this squad we will leave fly all the way to Reach and head towards Quezon. West of New Alexandria, behind the ocean. Once we arrived, Noble Team will drop me off and I will get escorted by a UNSC special forces squad to earth.

Then I will just wait for the war to be over before I can return home? Somehow this doesn’t go well with me. I trained years of my life; I have been in different wars myself already. Against Rebels, Terrorists and others. So why am I not allowed to fight now. Its my home as well. I should fight with my brothers and sisters.

“We are landing in 2 minutes.” Says a pilot over the radio, what rips me out of my thoughts. And as we are descending, I can see how the sun slowly sets itself behind the thick clouds and mountains. I’m looking at Carter, who gives me a nod to get ready. Emile on the other side had said nothing. Not a single word, for the 15 minutest as we are in the sky. He just sat at the edge of the helicopter, scanning the area with a heavy machine gun. He seems more professional than I thought in the first place. Maybe I got him all wrong.

The helicopter eventually landed, and I followed Carter into a little tent. Four Spartans were looking directly at me as I entered. Spartans can be really scaring sometimes…

“Noble Team, this is Miss l/n. Ma’am, meet Kat, noble two.” A woman in light blue Armor nods at me. I try my best to nod with a serious face back. Trying to hide my nervosity. As Carter continues: “Jun, Jorge, Noble three and Noble five. And Lieutenant Sixx, obviously he got the callsign Noble six.” He pointed at everyone, while walking towards a simple build contact station. I looked at each of them, “It’s an honour to meet you. You can call me y/n. I don’t really like those formalities.” It sounded a little more desperate then I hoped it would, but maybe it helps me to stay calm.

Kat turned to me and gave me a light smile: “I’ve read your file Ma’am. You are more tough than you look. No need to feel intimidated by us. We don’t bite. Well, almost all of us don’t.” With that, she lifted her head and looked behind me. “You should just stay a little alert around our Grim Reaper.” She chuckled and turned her attention toward the contact station. A little confused I looked behind, seeing Emile standing at the tent entrance. Of course, he bites. I’m not even surprised; he looks like he could and probably would at one point. Quickly I turn my attention to the rest of the squad. Jorge was once a commander of the squad I served with. Against Insurrectionists, here on Reach. “Sir, it’s good to see a familiar face.” I said to him. He smiled softly, as he came a little closer to me. With his heavy hand on my shoulder he said: “Y/n, I’m glad to see you are in one piece. Your father was quite worried as he heard about the covenant. We will bring you to safety as soon as possible.” I smiled back. “Yes, thanks for that, I guess. Even though, I should fight for my home, not run away from it.” With my smile fading into a face of self-disappointment, he just let out a laugh. “I didn’t expect anything less from you. You will get a chance. But your father gives and order, and we all, just as you, are supposed to follow it.”

He's right. “But I hope I can at least kick some ass before leaving Reach.” I replied.

“Alright, attention Team.” Carter interrupts our little, small talk. And everybody pays close attention to the contact station. A hologram map shows up. He points at an ONI facility; “20 clicks west, we will meet a backup squad and secure the facility. Taking down all covenant and bring the facility back online.” He picks up a small P.a.d. from the table and hands to me. “Make sure to stay in contact at all times ma’am.” A quick nod from me as response as I fix the p.a.d. on my wrist.

Kat looks at me, “She needs some weapons, or do you want any of us to play babysitter?” She clearly won’t take the job, that’s the tone of her voice saying. Carter points with his thumbs at a weapon chest next to the station. “Take what you are most comfortable with.” He says to me. I response with another nod. As he continues: “Anyway else, I want that one of you stay full time with her. She is a highly important freight. We can’t take any chances.” He looks at each of the Noble Team members. I hope he picks Jorge. He’s the only one I know and to be honest, he’s the only next to Carter who I’d trust.

 But he had other plans. “Emile, make sure she doesn’t get a single scratch. Team, we’re leaving in 10 minutes. Get ready.” He just dismisses us and is about to leave the tent. When Emile finally says something: “What? Sir with all due respect, you gotta be kidding!” He sounds angry.

Kat comes next to Emile: “Sir, I must agree with Emile, for the first time ever. I’m sure that Six or Jorge would be the better candidate for the job.” She really argues with the commander. I’m curious if she tries to protect Emile, or me? But it seems that Carter won’t budge. “My decision is made. No discussion. I need your skillset to make sure she will arrive in Quezon alive.” He says with a stern look, then he looks at me: “Ma’am. Take the weapons of your choice, vest, night vision and get ready to move.” With his final words, he leaves. And so do the others one by one. Kat looks one time more at me, “Good luck.” She smiles at me with a concerned face and leaves. While Jorge comes past me, he pats me on the shoulder, before leaving the tent as well. Now it’s only Emile and me. This is going to be great. Really great. I let out a sigh as I look at him. Then, there it is again. That feeling. He looks at me, and I can feel how he tries to kill me with his piercing stare. I turn around, trying to ignore his death threat and walk towards the weapon chest, short after I turned away, Emile left the tent as well. I survived. For now.

Now let’s pick some toys. There are not many weapons in, but I quickly made my decision. I take a MK50 Sidekick, a great sidearm that's ideal for finishing weakened enemies off. As I trained for the Airforce, I worked mainly as sniper and medic, so I’ll chose the S7 Sniper. Light and compact. The exact model I trained with, from the beginning of my time in the UNSC Airforce.

Even though I was categorized as too small for the UNSC to join in the first place, it gave me many opportunities to take down enemies in close range, while I could move faster around them and take them down with a combat knife. So of course, I’ll be taking a M1 combat knife, as I used back in the fights. A bullet proof vest and a night vision device. Ready dressed and packed, I make my way out of the tent. As I turn the corner to meet rest of the team at the landing zone, my soul leaves at the second I get yelled at, by a certain skull visor. “What the hell? You are dum?!” Emile yells at me from behind as I get shocked to the core and jump around, I see how he stomps towards me. That’s it. I’m going to die. What have I done to deserve that. I’m just praying to God, while he stops right in front of me, looking down on me, as if I’m a little child. Then he growls: “A sniper rifle? Do I look like I wanna sit in a corner drinking tea while the others dance with the covenant scum? Go pick Jun if you’re too scared to face the enemy directly, but I’m not taking care of you then!” He stomps past me.

Hold up. That’s why he is mad? God, he is the little child. I definitely will have a hard time handling him, but I’m not going to change my weapon. It will come in handy, and I still have my sidekick gun. I shake my head as if I try to shake his anger off me. Then I make my last steps to the landing zone. Standing next to Emile, I look up at him with a serious face: “Just for your knowledge, with a sniper rifle that size, I can easily take down any enemy who will come in closer range. Also I got a MK50 sidekick. Captain Obvious. In the end it’s going to be me, who has to make sure you don’t get a scratch. And probably will end up babysitting you then. So you better be more kind. Sir.” Realizing what I just said, I can hear the others giggle. The only ones clearly not laughing is me. Why do I have to push my limits always. He’s so going to abandon me in a fight. Or even push me off a cliff, should we come across one. I want to facepalm myself. But - Hold up! He is laughing himself. What the??

I look now even more shocked towards him, he is serious laughing. He turns his head to me, “You think I need back up from a tiny dwarf like you? Not even your wildest dream.” Is he insulting me now? Or joking? I’m confused! To my luck, I can hear Carter approaching from behind, with an amused voice he pats me on the shoulder: “I told you, you two will get along just fine.”

With the team in a good mood, we split up in two groups and jump on the helicopters. Kat, Jorge and Carter are in the other helicopter, while Emile and Noble Six sit on the opposite side of Jun and me. Jun, pushes me light at the shoulder: “I give you some advice.” He says while pointing at Emile. “Make as many jokes as you want to, but don’t be surprised if he’s coming after you. You can always hide behind Carter or Six. But don’t come running at me, I don’t want to die myself.” He says while laughing a little more. I nod with a awkward terrified smile at him. Does he want to tell me that he fears Emile?

Should I take his advice serious? Either way I say dumb shit to Emile, or even worse shit, that makes him angry. I will probably make him kill me. My face drops with the realisation that my life hangs by a threat. As Emile tilts his head light to the side and looks at me: “As long as I got orders to make sure you don’t loose a leg, I won’t rip off your head as well.” He says with a cool voice. Turning away once again.

Wow, how charming. I think ironically. But yeah, actually, his voice, is really charming. I hits me like a thunderstrike. Holy no! Pull yourself together girl! We are not falling for a Spartan! No No No NO! Instantly I turn my face away from the others, trying to hide my blushing cheeks. This is seriously no time to catch feelings. Also, he is so rude and reckless. And childish. And has probably many issues. No no. We don’t do love stuff here. We are professionals. So be one professional soldier. God damn. While discussing with myself, I just pray that this flight is over soon, so I can focus on the covenant instead of my stupid thoughts.

As the helicopter is turning around the mountain, we get a call over radio: “This is Carter. We get no communication with ONI. The plan changed. Jun, you stay in the helo, get up at that hill, right heading. Find a clear vision over the facility. Emile and Six, clear the left entrance area. Y/n, according to your record, you are a medic, means you go with the two and get ready for first aid, if you find any injured. All clear?” Carter gives straight instructions. Jun looks at Emile and Six, both are nodding in response, then they turn to me and I gave a quick nod as well. Jun answers over the radio quickly: “Affirmative, Sir.” With that said, we are starting to descend. I know what will come. War. But against the covenant. I never fought against any aliens before. Slowly my guts starting to turn. Then Jun pushes me once again lightly at the shoulder, I turn to him and he just gives me a thumbs up. It’s not much, but it calms me down a little, I give him a thumbs up back.

The helicopter touches the ground, and we hop off. Jun gives me one more thumb up as the helicopter rises again. Now it’s time to focus. So far, I don’t see any civilians, soldiers and no covenant. The sun has almost set completely. Taking a deep breath, I grip my rifle tight and follow Emile and Six. They give calls each other on where to walk, that the area is clear and where to move. I just follow Emile. Close, but so that he still can move free. We are approaching the left entrance of the ONI facility, and the bad feeling inside me grows bigger. I try to get a little closer to Emile and whisper to him: “Hey, Emile. I have a bad feeling. This is smelly.”, he stops in his tracks and turns his head light. “So what? You scared because your belly is grumbling? There’s no turning back now. Shut up and keep moving.” He harshly cuts me off and continues walking again. I let out an annoyed sigh and follow him once more, this time, I keep more distance. It’s a trap! I can feel it, don’t they? When the two Spartans reached the entrance gate, I walked a little bit further away, and hide behind a huge rock. It’s like a countdown ticking inside of me. Every second it could go down. I kneel behind the rock and set up my rifle, so I can assist the two when they will get surprised. And they will get surprised.

In the exact moment Six get ready to open the gate, the gate explodes and a bunch of Covenant storming out of the building. “Get to cover tiny!” Emile yells. He didn’t even realise that I wasn’t there anymore. “No shit, Sherlock. And who are you calling tiny here.” Is what I whisper to myself, while shooting one by one of the covenants. They are obviously too many to handle, even for two Spartans. Emile doesn’t think so: “What that’s all you got? Bring it on!” He yells while throwing them around like a freaking piñata. “Who’s next! Let’s dance!” He yells and laughs even more, while jumping on three covenants, blasting them to bits. Yeah, he’s nuts - That’s for sure. Six is skilled himself. Not a single enemy can get close enough to him, that he must draw a knife. While Emile on the other hand seems to have a lot of fun using his Kukri knife instead of his shotgun. And it doesn’t take too long and not a single covenant is standing anymore.

As they are about to move into the building, Emile calls over the radio: “You made it to a hiding spot in time?” I answered without even thinking “Sir, I was in a hiding spot already. As I told you, it’s smelly.” I responded. I should have just said yes and we would had no problem. But telling Emile, that I disobeyed an order, was not the smartest idea, because he was clearly not happy about that: “What’d you mean? You just decided to take a stroll around the base or what? Who gave you green lights for running off? Don’t fucking do that ever again! Now stay where you are until we call the building clear!”

After around 10 minutes, he calls over the radio: “This is Noble four. Left entrance clear. We have many soldiers on the ground. Get in here tiny, time to work.” Is all he says. Man, now I’m mad. “He can’t even say my name. And what does he mean, - time to work – I was literally holding his god damn back free, so he can have his fun in the crowd. “Arrogant ass.” I mutter to myself as I’m approaching the building. Entering, I see many soldiers, bad injured. “Ah hell.” I whispered while checking if any are still alive. These soldiers are clearly dead.

Emile was nowhere to be seen. Six came from across the hallway to me. I just shook my head. He let out a sigh and said “Good job. Out there.” He gave me a nod of appreciation. “Thanks Lieutenant. I’m sorry for the soldiers” I sighed and asked “That was the squad we were supposed to meet?” He looked at me and pointed to a door, signing me to follow. “You are right, it was them. It’s now just us. We must get the station online and then bring you to Quezon. With or without ONI.” He explained while walking ahead. Suddenly he stopped, so that I almost bumped into him. I stood behind him, a little confused. “Sir?” I asked quietly. He turned around. “You are a good sniper. For your size, surprisingly. Your senses are excellent as well. Emile said you had a bad feeling and decided to not follow the orders and hid. That’s good. But also, bad. Next time, give clear concerns to the commander. You can’t decide by yourself what to do. Other who are supposed to protect you, will get the consequences.” As he finished, he turned away and continued walking. I felt bad, he was right, but I had to make the decision. To not put the team in danger as they would have focused on protecting me.

“Sir, it won’t happen again.” I said while walking behind him like a stray dog. He chuckled “Good. And good luck with handling Emile. He’s mad.” As he said that, I was not even surprised. I let out a sigh, “Yeah, I deserve that, I guess.” We stopped in front of a big door. Six gave me a slight nudge on the shoulder and entered the room, right away, Emile came out of it. He packed me by the arm and pulled me further along the hallway. He’s probably going to yell at me again. Mentally preparing myself for what will come, he stopped and let go of my arm as we were close to an exit door. Then he turned towards me and pushed a finger against my forehead. “Listen here doll, When I tell you what to do, you shut up and do it. You can’t just leave the spot without telling anyone! Are we clear?” He wasn’t really yelling. Just a little louder, but his finger really hurts on my forehead. I pushed his hand out of my face and took a deep breath. “Yes sir. Won’t happen again.” I said with a serious look on my face to him. He wasn’t done. “Have you an idea how much trouble I get because of that!” Now he started yelling as he came one step closer. I couldn’t even said something, he came one more step closer and continued. “Not only from Carter. If your father finds out I can’t even handle a dwarf like you, I can forget staying in Noble Team.” He came another step closer. As he leaned down, his visor was almost touching my nose. But I didn’t budge. “Tell me Emile” I looked at his skull visor. “Do I look into your eyes right now? Or do I have to look more down or up?” I caught him completely off guard. He spun back and instead of saying anything, he turned on his heels and walked towards the exit door.

“That’s it?” I asked whispering but couldn’t hold back. “Emile.” I called him, he stopped and turned around. “What?” He was so pissed. Good. My face turned into an art of hell as I bit my lower lip to not laugh out loud. Another deep breath: “My belly grumbling, huh? Just admit it, I was right, and you were wrong.” Biting my lip even harder to not laugh out loud I waited for my end. But he just stood there. Saying nothing. Looking in my direction. I messed up, but it was totally worth it. It’s too much fun to piss him off. Until he started stomping towards me. “Oh shit!” I whispered. Should I run away? Too late, he was already right in front of me again. Now pushing me by my shoulders against the wall behind me. He almost threw me at that wall. Hands on my shoulder, his visor right in front of me again and his feet left and right next to mine, he was cornering me completely against that wall.

His voice, deep and filled with flammable anger “Do you wanna die?” He asked slowly. I shook my head light. “Negative, sir.” Only a whisper was what I was able to bring out. He took a breath as if he wanted to say something. But he didn’t. He was just standing there. Looking down on me, holding my shoulders and pressing them against the wall. I looked at him confused. Should I say something? Then he let go of my shoulder, cupping my face with one hand, lifting it even closer to him. With the other hand he pointed to his visor. “I you look there; you look me in the eyes.” I lost my breath at his words. His voice was now calm and soft. He was a completely different person. Nobody said anything anymore. We just looked at each other, standing so close, I swear he could hear my heartbeat.

Suddenly, out of nowhere Jun yelled: “Hey, Emile, get up to the power transmitter and check if the wires are cut! Oh, ah, Okey. Didn’t wanted interrupted. My bad.” He yelled from across the hallway. As he saw what must have looked as we were making out, Jun just left as quickly as he came around. Emile huffed and let go of me. He headed towards the exit. “You stay put. Otherwise...” He scolded. As he walked away. I followed him, as we left the building and climbed the fire stairs to the roof. I got curious. “Otherwise, what?” I asked dumb struck. He stopped in the middle of the stairs and turned around once more. “Otherwise, I’ll bite your head off. Now shut up.” He scolded once again.

Deciding to not bother him any further. I zipped my mouth with my finger and followed him further upstairs. Reaching the transmitter, it was clear that all cables were intact. He gave a radio call to Jun, saying that the cables are fine. I stood at the transmitter and looked at him. Something is weird about him. He’s rude, childish and has immense anger issues. But I can’t shake this feeling off, that I feel like starting to fall for him. How can I fall for someone I just met an hour ago. And who I haven’t even seen the face of.

He’s noble team. They don’t have a long lifespan anyway. And I’m going to earth. So, I will probably never see him again after we parted ways. Makes me a little sad. As I continue starting at him, with every emotion written on my face, I suddenly realised he’s looking back at me. Ah no, he’s going to be mad again. I smiled at him as if tried to convince him that I’m not hiding any drugs, before turning around and looking at the lake next to the facility. He was not saying anything. When I looked back at him, he is still looking at me. I narrowed my eyebrows: “Did you spaced out Emile?” I asked him. He stomped towards me, I was about to move back, but I decided to stand my ground. Would he come that close again? Is he actually starving for physical contact. The life of a Spartan can be lonely. He stopped right in front of me. Only a few inches were in between us. He took a deep breath and asked. “Why would you want to see my eyes?” – “Huh?” with my answer it was clear that I did not expected that. Emile turned away and shook his head. “Never mind.” He said and walked to the stairs.

“Wait.” I run at him and grab him by his hand. Regretting my move, as he looked down at his hand, I let go immediately. “I- am. I just try to understand you. And it’s easier for me when I can look into your eyes.” I smiled shyly and looked away. I was expecting he’d make a joke about me, but instead, he cupped my face with both hands this time, making me to look up at him. “If you be a good little girl and do as I say. I maybe take my helmet off.” Then he let go of me, and walked downstairs laughing his ass off. He made a joke about me.

“What was that?” I asked myself and rushed after him, before I get another scolding. Wait, was he actually flirting with me? With this thought I stopped in front of the door to the building.

“y/n. Station is online. Come to the main entrance.” Carters call over the radio ripped me out of my thoughts. I must stop thinking about Emile. He is just a Spartan. Doing his job. That’s it.

[familyvideowithsteve]

d*ying on the inside - Steve Harrington x fem!reader

This material may not be copied, reproduced, displayed, modified. This is my work, do not steal it, do not republish it.

summary:  Steve's grief has been on the same stage for months : denial. He just can't do it. Living without her is just impossible.

warning: /NSFW/ dead!fem!reader, use of she/her pronouns, no use of Y/n, use of strong alcohol, talk about death, grief, tears (a lot), blood (a lot), very small indications of past sexual intercourse (NO smut!), grave, graphic and lethal injuries, pure hurt and trauma (what is comfort? what is fluff? what is happiness?) (minors, do not interact, i'm not responsible for the content you consume)

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used, no physical description of the reader so anyone can identify)

word count: 2.3k

a/n: I had to repost this because Tumblr likes to fuck with me and flag the things I write even though it had all the community label.

The light of the day was a godsend, it announced warmth, light, life.

On days like those Steve would try to enjoy them as much as he could, even if he had his job at Family Video, he would probably arrange an impromptu date with his girlfriend.

A picnic on the hills of Hawkins, where, at this time of the year, was blossoming with flowers, the sun set low and late. Birds chirping on the edge of the forest. 

He could almost hear her laughter as he was lying in his bed, facing the night. Cold, dark, unwelcoming. 

Nights had become a nightmare, quite literally and metaphorically. 

An opened door to nightmares, waking in tears, sweat and out of breath. Or it was the cold embrace of insomnia, lulling him awake to see the short hours of the night. The sunrise peeking through his curtains.

When his bed felt uncomfortable he would throw a cardigan around his shoulders and sit by his pool, watching as the night transformed into the day, the sky first taking a purple colour then moving into pink, bits of orange, finally blue.

It seemed peaceful, and it kinda was, sometimes, but mostly, it was a river of unstoppable thoughts, and voices. And it happened a lot more than he would like to admit.

He didn't get nightmares until the Soviets, but it didn't last long, when Vecna/Henry/One came around, the atrocities they saw, the loss they experienced, it began to be too much. 

"You look lonely," her voice said, he closed his eyes at the sensation of her presence. It almost brought tears to its tired features.

"Without you, I am," he opened his eyes to turn his head towards the sound of her voice. 

He had an oversized hoodie on, the hood lazily resting behind his neck, red and sleepless eyes, exhaustion written on his face. 

Lied on a sun lounger by his pool, wrapped in a thin and fuzzy blanket. His house was deadly silent as he was alone, as always.

She was imitating his position on the sun lounger, her eyes looking so deeply into his tired ones. A soft smile on her face.

There was a comfortable silence, as they looked at eachother, Steve let his mouth speak before thinking, he was way too tired for that anyway.

"I've missed you. A crazy lot." 

“I know. But you know I had to do it, we’ve been through this already.” 

“Yeah, I know, but in the most desperate time... like right now… I still wish you hadn’t.” 

Her eyes moved from his to something near and she winced, he followed her gaze and realised she had seen his glass of whiskey sitting by a footrest he used as a coffee table and he grimaced. The ice was almost completely melted, its remaining clinking softly against the edge of the glass. 

“I haven’t seen you with a glass of whiskey since senior year, three years ago.” 

Escaping from his blanket, bending on the side he reached for his glass, two small pieces of ice remained on the surface, it looked like an iceberg ripped apart. 

Since Vecna, the invasion in Hawkins, memories from that night were the source of his nightmares and his unfinished grief. Some nights finished in a few glasses of his father’s favourite bottle of whiskey, it seemed to either appease or fuel his demons. It was a solution, a very poor one at that, but the only one that gave him comfort. 

“It's just a couple glasses here and there," his voice was so low he didn't even know if he could be heard but she did.

"Whiskey is your sad drink. Just like beer is your party drink. Steve.." 

He took another sip from his glass, lying back on the sun lounger, holding his glass with only two fingers, he closed his eyes as he savoured the burning taste of the alcohol on his tongue.

"You're not really here, so.. I don't see why you care," his tone became harsher as he drank, he had opened his eyes to take a better look at her face. 

"What makes you so certain I'm not really here ? We live in a crazy world." 

Offended by her question, he took yet again another sip of his drink, he furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes fixated on the pool in front of them. 

"Because your coffin is resting in Hawkins' cemetery six feet underground," he started, not looking at her, but he continued, "and like you said, this crazy world killed you. This is some trick, hallucination, I don't know, something my brain has made up because I miss you, and I can't believe you're dead." 

"You just said it. You must believe it somehow."

"No. Saying it doesn't mean I believe it. I know it because I saw it happen before my eyes, but I can't wrap my head around it because it's you. And it's not right for you to be dead." 

He paused, his hair falling in front of his eyes, his chest rising and falling a bit quickly as he talked rapidly. Nervously. His eyes searching in front of him a reason to be nervous, agitated. His brown irises fell upon her. 

"It's not fair and it's not normal, and-... Jesus Christ it's hell without you here." 

It felt like two orbs were piercing through his skull as she looked at him, all ears for him.

"I don't get to see you smile, laugh, sleep, sunbathe, I can't see the stars in your eyes anymore, I can't hear your lame jokes, I can't hear your laugh, I can't hear the sound of your voice. I can't touch you, whether it's getting to hug you, feel your touch, or even just intimacy with you. I can't pleasure you anymore, hear you moan my name when you were on the edge, I can't feel the goosebumps when you were close, or even just kiss your skin. Taste you. Feel your warmth in bed. We can't do anything we had planned because you're not here anymore. And it's like living in hell," his voice broke more and more as he kept ranting on, until his watery eyes couldn't hold on the tears anymore and he started sobbing. 

Shaky breaths left Steve's mouth as his breathing became erratic, his hands in his hair, some handful of hair falling in front his eyes.

She wasn't sure if he would accept her touch, so she preferred staying on her lounger. She knew Steve would never be violent, but it felt out of place to impose herself in such a way.

She waited for him to calm down slowly, the silence comfortable as his tired eyes looked at the sky changing colors, it was rising, deep purple to a mix of lilac, orange and pink.

He let out another shaky breath, closing his eyes to inhale deeply, trying to calm his heart beating crazily in his ribcage.

When he was calmer and comfortable enough to speak, he turned his head, crossed his legs against his chest and his arms crossed, elbows against his knees, his eyes towards her. He cleared his throat. 

"The most horrific thing, apart from your absence and how difficult it is to live with it, is how it happened. And how graphic it was," his voice was soft.

She felt his eyes on her so she turned her face towards him, mimicking his position on the lounger she rested her head in her crossed arms.

"It's like I can relive this moment non-stop. There was so much blood, you were choking on it, barely able to make a syllable. The smell of blood was.. suffocating, heaving. You were in pain and I couldn't do anything to save you. I couldn't stop the bleeding, couldn't get you to a gate to take you to the hospital. And I think it was when the clock rang the four chimes and the portals started opening from the gates.. you..," he paused, he could see the scene happening in his brain as he swallowed up his saliva.

He exhaled loudly, he knew his voice would be shaky, but he continued, "I wasn't fast enough to take you away with me, and the portal completely burned away your legs, your thighs.. your lower body was just.. gone. And the pain was so much worse, you were sobbing, suffocating in your own blood. I couldn't do anything." 

His voice was as a whisper, but very audibly perceptible as they were in complete silence, only the birds awaking above them could be heard.

"I just held you, sobbing, in complete despair. Telling you 'I love you' on repeat. Until eventually, I realised you weren't breathing anymore, my tears mixing in your blood as I realised, terrified, mortified, that you were dead," he paused once again, his eyes zoning on one point by his pool.

"And I wept even more, because you couldn't- can't be dead. Even if I closed your eyes myself,  even if I had to leave you there and God I absolutely hate myself for it. Robin and Nancy had to drag me away from you, because I wouldn't- couldn't move. We had a funeral, but with an empty coffin so it's not real. And I think I even feel worse because your parents don't know they buried it empty, now I understand the way Nancy felt about Barbara. It's unfair. And I'm.. exhausted from all of it. It doesn't even make sense now… to live without you I mean, it's.. bland." 

He finally zoned out of his trance, and directed his eyes towards her, where she was patiently listening to him. 

Even though he had experienced her.. 'presence' since she was gone, he hadn't been so sincere and profound with his feelings, his suffering.

"I don't remember much, except from the cold, and the taste of blood, your tears, the excruciating pain. The suffocating part, that I definitely did not forget. But I also remember the 'I love yous' . They lulled me away to the darkness. To Death." 

The scene was truly just so heart wrenching to witness. Holding her so tightly on his lap, crying his heart out, his hands on both sides of her torso to tentatively stop the bleeding. 

The particles of the Upside Down would sometimes temporarily cloud his vision, the air thick, toxic, and smelled of iron with the quantity of blood around them.

She had her eyes focused on him, remembering his own and their colour, choking on her own blood, her chest kept tightening at the lack of oxygen, the pain was in wave, each time she inhaled it felt like knives were digging deeper into her flesh, and with her lower body gone, she felt it burn, it was horrendous, and the smell was enough to make her nauseous.

Tears clouded both their visions, hot cries of salty water running down their cheeks. 

There was so much he wanted to say, but his shaky voice could only repeatedly tell her he loved her.

And she wanted to say she didn't want to die, she wanted to do so much with him, but she couldn't even breathe correctly, let alone speak. 

Then she started feeling cold, no, she realised she was cold, and exhausted. Her eyes were just shutting off on their own, everything was blurry and she tried to resist, she tried so hard. The sounds were different, she could recognise a bit of Steve's voice trying to keep her awake but she felt herself leaving.. leaving.. and then.. nothing.

When he realised she was gone his hands left her sides to capture her cheeks, trying to wake her. 

His cries were louder, gut-wrencher.

Her eyes were glazed, empty. And he kept saying her name, and he wept so much.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. 

Robin came to his level, in a delicate voice she whispered, "Steve, we have to go, we need to get back to Hawkins. I'm sorry." 

He was so exhausted, so done with all the shit that kept happening. He nodded mechanically.

He let out a shaky breath. He closed her eyes with his thumbs, leaving blood on her cheeks and her eyes. He kissed her forehead, and shortly after that he followed Robin and Nancy. Silent. Empty. 

"I don't know how I can keep going on without you," he whispered, his voice a mess as he was on the edge of tears.

She handed him her hand, inviting him near her, he looked at it then her eyes, he didn't know if he could touch her. But he wanted to feel her so bad.

Getting up from his lounger he made his way toward her's, and sat down right next to her.

She laid her legs and indicated to him to rest against her. 

"Let me hold you, Steve," that's all he needed to be convinced and lay on the lounger with her, in between her thighs as she held him. Head against her chest. Her hands in his hair.

He didn't know if he was dreaming or totally losing his mind, but he cried a few tears of happiness in a comfortable silence.

Until he woke up. Alone. Curled up on the lounger. 

A new wave of despair escalated through him, watery eyes on his whiskey brown irises. 

Running a hand through his hair he let out a shaky breath, holding back the tears as much as he could.

"I love you," he whispered, his eyes closed, letting it overflow, hoping he would feel some warmth to prove her presence, somehow. But nothing. 

"I'll always love you." 

[sacrilegious-skeletal-scribe]

and the rain tasted of blood and plague, amen

the cicadas haven’t finished their number yet when you pull me past the drawn curtains

coming to rest in a hallway that smells like stale cigarettes and shed skin

my teeth fondle a joke about sight-lines and alibis and body bags

my fingers reach for it like a favorite lighter, but still all by themselves

because i’m afraid to see your face shutter, a hand stilling on your waistband

(i’ve always been squeamish about seeing the knife coming)

you waited for questions, an escape route, a cattle prod

but i don’t think i could get my voice past the weight in the air if i wanted to

(cowards press against each other like suffocating magnets; we’ve talked about this)

so you clear your empty throat and drag us past the exit sign that’s been mouthing off since we got back here

pacing a half-covered loading dock while a rainstorm leers down at us

i watch the motion scrape rust off your lungs, a gear or twelve kicked back into place

your voice whirring to life while red slurry seeps around your flashing teeth

(what else could it be but rust)

questions glint on the surface of a shouting match neither of us want anything from

broken glass smiling innocently up from a bed of rock salt

you spin against the railing, slam your hands against dirt and old metal

and i swallow the urge to pitch you over it

(it’s only six feet he’ll survive you’ve always wanted to bounce his head off a parking lot)

nothing would come out of it but an assault charge

(but aren’t you dying to find out)

you make it ten minutes before the rain swallows the hard edges of your speech

the hum of your throat like a skipping record halfway down a stairwell

i could step forward, interject, offer supplication or anger or peace

but my heels sink further into the concrete like they are witnessing something holy

and you stride past my peripheral vision like you are fleeing something

(and i am eight years old)

and there is a pastor on a spotlit stage

the ground beneath me reeks of dust and guilt and there is fire in the shape of a man 

who glares at the room as if we collectively put the stakes in the bronze angel sobbing over our heads

and then there is whiskey and meat on my tongue

and i realize you pressed yourself into my skin while i was not in it

and i wait for you to pull away so that i might look you in the eye when i sink this ship properly

but there are already tears in your eyes when you peel off me

and i hadn’t finished rearranging my mouth to put them there yet

so i press all the lines out of my face and watch you scream yourself hoarse

waiting for the other shoe to drop, hands fisted in the soft skin of my forearms

and you continue to work yourself up to something

until an impossible bolt of lighting spilts the world under my fingernails

(a lightbulb blew in the hallway we left exposed on our way outside)

and certainty drops into my stomach like brick to well

(someone is, in fact, going to die on this balcony)

but the desperation sloughing off your footsteps doesn’t carry you into arms length

and suddenly you are quiet, sorrow slipping off your face like you can’t help it

and you apologize like it’s killing you

and the wind is still kicking rain into our exposed socks

(eyes hearts clothes pain spite skin)

and i have to wonder if it’s the blood or the alcohol talking

and the water just keeps coming down

sobbing like it has been party to an execution

but we both know neither of us have ever cried like that

like we could curdle milk with our salt-coated teeth

(probably not for lack of trying)

better to finger the rim of a bottle from a dissolving sack

to smile with the ease of dress-shirt buttons

to earn that kick in the teeth rather than forget it’s coming

so with venom in mind my mouth drops open

and is flooded with light, a sun clawing past the curtain of rain

a passing spotlight from the service road neither of us realized was back here

heart dropping out of my throat when the lumbering gaze finally slides past us

knocking dully against my lungs as the back of your head catches its breath

(i was never very good at reading the room)

and malice is hard to keep pinned to the back of a strangers head

(turn around so i can get this murder one charge back up to speed)

[porcupine-girl]

Blech, reached that stage of sickness where I desperately need to shower but can’t stand up long enough to be sure it’s safe. Specifically I desperately need to wash my hair - I don’t wash it M/T/W because I actually have to be somewhere in the morning those days (I have long thick hair), I got sick Wed night, so I haven’t washed it since last Sunday.

I really need to get some dry shampoo when I’m not sick to have around for things like this. Not gonna expect my husband to buy it when even I would probably have to weigh the options though.

My fever has stayed down, which is great! I mean “better than last time” is a really low bar and I still don’t think I’ll be able to teach at all next week, but the week after that is spring break so we’ll see, maybe I’ll be recovered enough to lecture for three hours after that (thankfully there is a tall chair I can sit on if needed).

My sense of taste isn’t gone, just some of it. My husband brought me tea and I couldn’t tell what it was - I guessed Irish Breakfast but it was Earl Grey, I could not taste the earl greyness AT ALL. I tasted sugar and a vague black tea flavor and that’s it. Right now, right after brushing my teeth so the paxlovid mouth is at a minimum, I can taste the earl grey flavor just barely, and that might be helped by knowing what it is.

Edit: just looked at my posts from this summer. Apparently my temp did drop for a day then and then go back up, so we’ll see. It also reminded me to sniff my armpits and nope, can’t tell how bad I smell. Small blessings. 😅

[yasashihanyou]

THE LAYERS OF ONES SELF.

REPOST, DON’T REBLOG!!

LAYER  001 :   THE  OUTSIDE.

NAME -   Sora .

EYE COLOR -  Chocolate brown .

HAIR STYLE / COLOR -  Dark black in colour ; very long, reaches past his mid-back, long side & front bangs as well .

HEIGHT -   5′11″ ( he’s gotten taller ^w^ ).

CLOTHING  STYLE -  He’s switched into a more modern style of clothing.

BEST  PHYSICAL  FEATURE -  His eyes, probably because of how gentle they can look . That or his smile .

LAYER  002 :   THE  INSIDE.

FEARS - People dying ; losing faith in others ; being forgotten ; being abandoned ; losing control ; failing ; not being good enough ; not being smart enough ; being judged ; being ignored .

GUILTY  PLEASURE - Violence .

BIGGEST  PET  PEEVE - Being called a hanyou ; being called a defect ; bullying of any kind ; being pre-judged ; people assuming things about him ; being treated like he’s some incapable & purely innocent kid ( sora is nice and patient , but he doesn’t like being infantilized ) .

AMBITIONS  FOR  THE  FUTURE -  Ensuring peace & stability for everyone ; all the worlds & all the people Sora’s met along the way .

LAYER  003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST  THOUGHTS  WAKING  UP -  “Sure am hungry , wonder what I should have for breakfast? I hope everyone slept well last night . ”

THINKS  ABOUT  MOST -  “What can I do to help? What if I can’t do anything? Am I really able to do this? I have to try. I have to believe.”

THINKS  ABOUT  BEFORE  BED -  “I hope I did my best today.”

WHAT  THEY THINK  THEIR  BEST  QUALITY  IS -  He’s too humble to really say so nowadays but Sora honestly thinks his best quality is his ability to believe in others . Even if he struggles with self-belief , he’s almost stubborn in his inability to give up on other people due to his own experiences with being abandoned & watching his other selves ( kazama & asahi primarily ) suffering and causing each other agony .

LAYER  004 :   WHAT’S  BETTER ?

SINGLE  OR  GROUP  DATES -  Sora’s never been on a date but he thinks single dates would be nice ! Groups are fun , but he’d want to devote his time solely to his significant other :3

TO  BE  LOVED  OR  RESPECTED -  Both naturally !

BEAUTY  OR  BRAINS -  Someone’s heart .

DOGS  OR  CATS -  Cats cats caaaats !! ᨐᵉᵒʷ

LAYER  005 :   DO  THEY…

LIE - He used to lie a lot ; to himself, to others primarily out of fear of being abandoned or bullied or mocked . Nowadays , Sora’s almost too honest and open-hearted . Not to the point of naivety ( even if he plays that up a bit ) , but more-so because he has a fear of giving up on others the way he himself had been given up on time & time again . Sora does his best to be upfront with people , even if the truth is sometimes tough . Still , he does know when to be patient and tasteful with his honesty .

BELIEVE  IN  THEMSELVES - This is a mixed bag ; Sora doesn’t consciously realize it , but he’s gotten pretty good at believing in himself . The years of bullying & neglect and abuse are still there and haven’t gone away , but lately he’s been able to acknowledge that on some level and keep going . So while he believes in himself , it isn’t out of any conscious effort on Sora’s part? He’s just living life & tends to power through whatever that brings!

BELIEVE  IN  LOVE -  Yes ; Sora wants so desperately to believe in the goodness of others ; in the light in other people . He always has, which is why all that bullying & abuse hit him particularly hard & why he spiralled due to it . His mother believed in her love for Inuyasha so much that she sacrificed herself for him & that can’t have been wrong .

WANT  SOMEONE -  Maaaaaybe .

LAYER  006 :   HAVE  THEY  EVER…

BEEN  ON  STAGE -  I think he’s probably gotten roped up into doing a drama for the school Michiru , Kagome , Usagi attend because he just couldn’t say no to helping out with a school festival last minute . I’m sure Sora was nervous but ultimately had a lot of fun!!

DONE  DRUGS -  Nah .

GOTTEN  DRUNK -  Once , he doesn’t drink actively nowadays but won’t turn down a good drink if it means being socially polite .

CHANGED  WHO  THEY  WERE  TO  FIT  IN -  Yup yup yuuup! He did this a lot when he was younger & on some level he forced himself to again when he started being kinder and more gentle after changing his name to Sora . Not to say that the way Sora acts now is faked ; it isn’t , but some days are harder than others to keep up that happiness and that positivity .

LAYER  007 :   FAVORITES.

FAVORITE COLOR -  Yellow , pink , orange , brown , blue .

FAVORITE  ANIMAL -   Cats & also birds .

FAVORITE  MOVIE -  Sora loves the movie ‘ The Fox & The Hound ’ .

FAVORITE  GAME -  Probably hide & seek . Or tag .

LAYER  008 :   SLEEP.

HEAVY  OR  LIGHT  SLEEPER -  Light ; although Sora feigns heavy sleep , he’s had to learn to keep an eye & ear out constantly in case of danger . Old habits die hard ; but once he’s comfortable in a setting or a place then he’s out like a light .

WHAT  SIDE  OF  THE  BED  DO  THEY  SLEEP  ON -  Mostly on the right-hand side or whichever side is closest to the wall if it’s near one . Elsewise Sora’s usually sleeping on his side or his stomach .

WHAT  DO  THEY  WEAR  TO  BED - Loose fitting short sleeved t-shirts & sweatpants . Sockless because Sora’s feet sweat no matter the weather .

WEIRD  THINGS  THEY  DO  IN  THEIR  SLEEP - He tosses some nights , due to worries or nightmares . He’ll also talk in his sleep at points .

LAYER  009 :   LOVE.

BIG  DECLARATIONS  OR  SMALL - Small ; it’s the little gestures and kindness that means the most, to Sora . The cherished fond memories . He’d much rather kiss someone on the forehead or hold their hand , than shout to the world that he loved them . Besides , that kind of thing is private .

OPEN  OR  CLOSED  OFF -  Open . He might be shy about it at first & giddy due to nerves but once Sora’s comfy then he isn’t at all worried about being affectionate with the one he loves ; expect him to hug constantly , to want kisses , to go on romantic dates , to stare and smile like a big doofus!

LOVE  AT  FIRST  SIGHT  OR  SLOW  BURN -  Slow burn ; Sora’s kind of oblivious to feeling crushes or romantic affections tbh . He cares very very deeply for every single one of his friends for various reasons, so it can be difficult for him to recognise that difference between platonic and romantic love .

ONE  TRUE  LOVE  OR  A  STRING - One true love ; although this varies depending on verse .

LAYER  010 :   FINISH  THE  SENTENCE.

I  LOVE -  The world .

I  FEEL -  Happy , excited yet scared .

I  HIDE -  a lot , but I promise I’ll be fine .

I  MISS -  my mother .

I  WISH -  for true peace and happiness for everyone .

[amtopmthoughts]

I hated my twenties. God, I hated my twenties so badly. Of course, I say this while I’m still on my twenties - twenty-four minus a month and five days to be exact. I never wanted to be twenty-something. I remember being an early teenager and not wanting desperately becoming eighteen or twenty like all the other people my age did. I wanted to be thirty. I wanted to be married and have kids. I wanted to have a job and a house of my own. I wanted to skip to the part where I had life all figured out - or at least some of it. I didn’t want the doubt and uncertainty of the twenties and I certainly am not a fan of it as I go through them now. Of course, every age and stage of life comes with uncertainty and their own set of rules and issues, but not as many and the ones you do have, are not the same. You already know what you do for a living - because you’re already doing it. You have already, hopefully, moved out of your parent’s house, at least. And if you’re not married and have kids by this time, you at least have had time to figure out a way to be okay with that. There is doubt, I know that, but the point is, there is not as much. Sure, it’s possible that you’re not all set, a lot could happen in so little time, but it’s less likely that your whole life is an incognito? Than it is in your twenties and you are more likely, if you haven’t reached your goals yet, to be getting closer to them.

In your twenties you don’t know anything. It’s true life is a constant learning everyday experience, so it’s obvious you don’t know everything you’re supposed to know in your thirties or forties - God, even in your fifties - I guess you really die without ever knowing everything you’re supposed to know so I guessed you’re supposed to know those things anyway - but you know even less in your twenties.

If you are in your twenties my guess is that you’re still studying or just finished studying and still trying to figure out what you’re going to do next, and if that thing we’ll be something you’ll enjoy, never mind a thing in your area of studies. You’re probably still living with your parents - as am I, unfortunately - and you probably can’t afford to move out, or even plan to move out, anytime soon either.

You’re also probably either suffering from a heartbreak, about to get your heart broken, or recovering from a heartbreak - as it happens, the famous twenties are not an auspicious stage for relationships to prosper. Probably because the guys you’re dating, who are twenty-something like you, are really like seventeen, still. Although I must say that this is unfair for me to say. I do not attribute most guys’ inability to commit to their partner to immaturity rather to a common to a lot of men character default - indecency and lack of character overall. Growth is an illusionary concept, really. And, as of late, it has been my understanding that aging and maturity do not go hand in hand as we all have come to believe. That’s why you find men in their forties who are still seventeen.

And I’m sorry, it was also unfair of me to mention indecency as men’s characteristic. It is not. It is a human characteristic. I don’t really believe men cheat more than women do, I just think they don’t get caught as often.

If you’re in your twenties you’re probably wondering if all your dreams will come true, if you’ll reach at least some of the goals you’ve set for yourself. Now, I know we all know “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans” - and all that shit you see on framed house posters with cheesy inspirational quotes such as that one - but the Universe has to give you something right? It has to reward you for at least some good behavior. You can’t go to the other side without getting nothing from your wish list. Can you?

Now, let’s rewind a bit. I know you’re probably wondering why I’ve said “Universe” instead of God and I’d like to get that out of the way now before it gets too messy moving forward. Well, first of all, I’m not a religious person, at all. Never have been. In fact, I had kind of a mental struggle with the whole “believing in God/not believing in God” debate, which made my mom furious and upset. I wouldn’t consider my mom a religious person at all either but she does believe in God and she does sort of pray every night to say thanks and all that. She also sleeps with her “terço” by her side every night, too. I can’t really commit to doing something every night. Or every day. But my understanding of “God” changed when I realized that the relationship you have with God is totally personal and exclusive, as it should be. To believe in God, to me, is having faith and believing that everything will work out in the end. It means to have hope in something - in something greater than yourself. Greater than all of us. So when I realized I didn’t need to “affiliate” myself to a religion to believe in something, it all became clear. My God can be anything I want to be, I anything I believe it to be. It can be a man or a woman - or neither. It could be big or small or have no shape at all. I know people give it a face - a human face - so it becomes more believable and approachable to them. People fear what they don’t know so it’s natural that they feel more comforted by something that feels familiar to them. Personally, I feel the other way around. What comforts me is to know that there’s something out there guiding me that knows more than I do. A lot more than I do. Something whole. All-knowing. Something that possesses gifts and capacities that no human even dares to dream to possess. This thing can’t have no relation to a human being - or to a being, even. So, what is my God, you may ask. My God is energy, my God is strength. I name it Universe because the Universe is the greatest thing I know to exist, apart from love. I wish you I could name it something I don’t know because I’m pretty sure I don’t know what the greatest thing there is, is, but you can see how that is not really possible. I also name it Everything because I do really believe it to be Everything. Because believing is everything. Being here, living - laughing and crying and loving and suffering is everything.

I’m lucky to be able to say I have not yet suffered great pain and tragedy in my life but I have experienced my share of heartache, as we all have. I have had my trusted broken and it broke me with it. There’s this thing I say - me and probably a lot more people since it’s not that weird of a realization - that falling in love is like jumping from the highest plank into a pool. Now, you’re so high up that you can’t actually see this pool you’re jumping into. You don’t know if the pool’s empty of filled with water, so you don’t really know if, when you fall, you’ll take a great give in the great body of water or just crash and most likely die. That’s love. That’s falling in love. It’s called falling for a reason. You have no way of knowing what’s waiting for you down there, you don’t if it will be great or horrible - or both. But you just have to do it, you have to go for it. You have to jump. You have to believe. You have to try because what’s the alternative? Never knowing? What you find down there could be great pain but it can also be great joy. I would take all the pain to experience all the love and joy that comes with it, because there is no joy without pain. It’s just how it is and we’re meant to live it all - good and bad. We’re supposed to experience both joy and pain. That’s living. And believing it’s all for a reason, for a higher purpose. I wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s what makes us humans.

[pinkdaiisies]

Falling (in love) Eddie Munson x fem!reader

summary: eddie is tired of hiding his feelings for you, but when you mention another guy asking you out he gets jealous. you’re mad at eddie until he taps on your window later that night.

warnings: language, mutual pining, bestfriends to lovers, jealous eddie

word count: 1,662

notes: the guy that asks you out is chance, one of the background friends in the basketball scenes! look him up before you read… he is so cute lmao. also i’m really proud of this so i hope you enjoy!

in eddies mind, you were the most beautiful girl to ever walk the face of the planet. he would do anything to show that he loves you… well except tell you.

you have been eddie’s best friend since 7th grade. around freshman year is when eddie first started to realize he liked you much more than just friends. but eddie was too afraid of rejection to ever tell you. i mean why would you want eddie when almost every guy that saw you did a double take? eddie thought you deserved someone better than him.

little did he know that you have been crushing on him since the summer before freshman year. seeing him and his buzz cut at that awkward stage of growing out made your heart flutter. you’ve always tried to flirt with him that summer, but you thought that he didn’t feel the same and he didn’t want to make it awkward so he just ignored it. in reality, eddie was quite oblivious to your flirting that summer.

eddie was getting tired of seeing other guys look at you in the hallway and you smiling back at them. he wanted you to look at him that way. his only solution was to finally express his feelings for you. he found out it’s easier said then done.

“well when i told suzie i liked her she took it very well! it wasn’t awkward at all!” eddie was so desperate for help he went to dustin.

“yeah well suzie is a 14 year old girl and you guys haven’t known eachother SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL!” dustin did not understand why it was so hard for eddie to just tell you how he felt. it was so obvious that you liked him too!

dustin, lucas, and mike actually thought you two were dating when they first joined hellfire club. they had to ask gareth and jeff if you two were a thing. your guys constant flirting did not go unmisssd by the club.

“listen im like 99% sure she’s in love with you too, so please stop worrying!” dustin tried to reassure the metalhead.

“ok but the one percent! we don’t know for sure!”

“you are the most oblivious man in the world eddie munson.” dustin argued.

-

eddie could not reel his head around the fact that you could possibly have romantic feelings for him. sure you guys were always together, and you let him call you all sorts of names like sweetheart and m’lady, and you guys always went out to the diner on friday evenings, but that’s just what good friends do… right?

eddie was overthinking. he was pacing around his room like a madman thinking about you. so he did what he always did to calm him down. he reached in his bedside drawer and took out the note you gave him sophomore year.

hey dork,

after class do you wanna go eat at the diner? it’s friday and i’m extremely bored

♡

that note started the tradition of going out to eat every friday. eddie felt so silly that he kept that note for so long. you probably didn’t even remember writing it! but still eddie looks at the heart on the bottom of the note, convincing himself that you meant something more.

he kept everything you gave him. whether it be a note you passed him during class, a pen you lent him, or a cd you recommended him. eddie was just so smitten with you. reading the note and looking through his polaroids of you two, calmed his nerves.

his mind was set on confessing to you tomorrow.

-

eddie was not so sure about confessing to you the next day.

“hi eds!” you said climbing into his van.

“hello y/n, how are you this fine morning?” eddie said with a smirk.

“pretty good actually! you’ll never guess who called this morning!”

“who?” eddie said curiously.

“chance! the one from the basketball team.”

eddie’s heart stopped beating for a second. what the hell could he want with you? eddie thought.

“he asked if i wanted to watch a movie with him tonight. and before you say anything i said no. friday’s are strictly reserved for us.”

the color returned to eddie’s face. he felt reassured. you did seem unusually happy about chance though… maybe you felt obligated to be with eddie, like he was a burden? eddie’s insecure thoughts returned.

“how do you even know him?” eddie asked.

“he’s in my chem class. we actually kinda talk sometimes. he’s not as bad as the other basketball freaks…” you said defending chance.

sure chance was cute and all, but he wasn’t eddie. no highschool boy could ever compare to eddie. when sharing about the call to him, he almost seemed… nervous. but when you said that you had declined his date offer he suddenly seemed more relaxed.

“your seriously not defending him y/n, are you? he’s literally bestfriends with jason carver!”

“i know! i know! but trust me he’s not like jason at all.”

“god y/n if you really wanna go out with him that bad just say it, and we don’t have to go to the diner tonight!”

you’ve never seen eddie this mad before. yea sure, chance hung around with a bad crowd, but it’s not like you two were besties, you would have the occasional conversation in class!

“okay now you’re just putting words into my mouth eddie! i never said that. if i wanted to go on a date with him i would’ve. but i’m not. i told him no so i could hang out with you and now you’re mad at me!?” you really liked eddie, but man was he acting like a jerk right now.

eddie sighed, and stayed silent the rest of the drive knowing that if he said anything else he would just make the situation worse. man, did he feel guilty. he let his jealousy out, and now you’re mad at him.

once the car was parked, you got out as fast as you could and slammed the door. rushing to find robin. eddie stayed in the silence of his car for a minute before he got out.

at lunch, the first thing eddie did was try to look for you, because he noticed you weren’t in your usual seat right next to him. but instead you were sat with robin buckley at a table in the corner of the cafeteria.

he did the same thing once the final bell rang, and he saw you get into the back of steve harringtons car with robin in the passenger seat.

eddie, sadly, got into his car and drove to his home. he should be driving you to the diner right now. but no! you have to be such a fucking dick, don’t you! eddie mentally cursed himself.

-

later that evening you sat on your bed listening to a record. i should be at eddie’s trailer right now watching a movie… it was odd how upset eddie had gotten. you had the right to talk to who ever you wanted. it was almost as if he was jealous.

suddenly you heard a tapping noise on your window. you picked up your head and noticed a messy head of brown hair. eddie. you opened your window to let him in.

“hi.” eddie said not making eye contact.

“hey…”

“listen i’m sorry about this morning. i was being a dick, and i had literally no reason to be.” he looked down at you. “does the princess forgive my foolish actions?” you giggled at his words.

“i guess the princess accepts your apology. i just don’t understand why you got so mad eddie.” you said, hoping he’d elaborate on his dumb emotions.

you looked into eddie’s eyes, as he looked into yours. god, you could get lost in his eyes forever.

“it doesn’t matter… it’s dumb.” eddie looked down, fidgeting with his rings. you could tell he was nervous whenever he did that.

“eddie if it got you this upset, then it’s not dumb. you can tell me anything.” you assured him.

“i love you.” he said it so quietly under his breath. you wouldn’t have been able to hear it if you two weren’t standing so close to each other.

oh my god, why did i say that? i couldnt just make up a stupid lie to tell her? now our friendship is ruined. she’s never gonna be able to look me in the eye ag- eddie’s inner monologue was interrupted when he heard you giggle. eddie’s eyes shot back to your face and saw you smiling at him.

“eddie, do you remember the summer before freshman year?” he nodded. “do you remember when we went to the fair, and i held your hand?” he nodded again. “eddie that whole entire summer i was flirting with you like crazy, but you never flirted back. not once! i assumed you didn’t like me. but i’ve loved you ever since.” confessing made you feel lighter. a secret you’ve kept from him for years was finally out in the open.

eddie looked at you with the cutest lovesick smile on his face. it was contagious.

“can i kiss you y/n?” eddie asked.

instead of answering, you leaned your face towards his. you felt a hand rest along your cheek as he pulled you closer to him. your lips met, it felt like all the miscommunication throughout the years was being made up for in this moment. eddie kissed you like his life depended on it, but eventually you both pulled apart.

“well i know it’s late but we better get to the diner before it closes.” eddie said. “but this time i’m making it an official date!” he looked at you with a smile.

“you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to hear those words eddie.”

~~

omg thank you so much for reading! my requests are open so feel free to leave one!! xoxo

[zuppizup]

Unresolved

She’s sits on the rock, ostensibly keeping watch but really, she just needs some time alone.

Which seems utterly ridiculous. She’s been alone for literally years now. Things were easier in some ways when she was by herself. She didn’t have to compromise or debate. If she wanted to do something, she did it.

She hears footsteps on the hard ground and doesn’t need to turn to know it’s Callum. Things haven’t exactly gone well between them. She probably shouldn’t have got so angry when she found him, Ez and Soren in Xadia. She was worried and scared but that tended to come out sounding angry.

Of course, he’d started yelling back at her. Rightfully so, to be fair.

She’d been impressed with Ezran’s diplomacy when he managed to end the argument. Not that anything was resolved but well, the yelling had stopped at least.

They just couldn’t seem to stop sniping at each other though and she could tell that Soren and Ezran were getting pretty sick of the tense atmosphere at this stage.

“Hey.” His voice is softer than it has been of late. “Em, do you mind…?” He gestures to the large rock she is sitting on.

She shakes her head, not quite trusting her voice. She hates fighting with him, especially after all this time. And in her defence, she had tried saying sorry to him but he’d rejected her apology and had thrown it back in her face.

And so, here they were.

This was not how she wanted to be reunited with him and she wanted so desperately to make things better… she just didn’t know how.

He sighed, eyes on the dark forest before them. “I’m, em, sorry for how I’ve been acting…”

She snorted, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. “You’re sorry?” Why was he apologising to her? He might have said some harsh things, but it was nothing compared to what she did to him. Soren had told her how much he’d changed since she left the Moon Nexus and she hated that her sweet, kind Callum had become angry and bitter because of her. Because of her lies and deceit.

He seems to read her words wrong though, looking hurt and upset for a moment before the now familiar sneer crosses his face.

“No, that’s not what I-” She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes in a vain attempt to stem the tears she can already feel on her cheeks. “I’m sorry. For… everything.” Her voice cracks and she pulls her knees into her chest as she tries to control herself. She owes him so much more than that, but the words stick in her throat, threatening to suffocate her.

Callum sighs, moving around a little to look at her better. “I know.” He sounds calmer and more like the Callum she remembers from before.

She risks a peek at him, confused by how in control he seems for the first time since they started travelling together again.

He’s watching her, his own eyes glassy but he smiles a little when they make eye contact.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Callum.” She swallows past the lump in her throat. “I wish I could just make things better. I wish we could go back to how we used to be.”

“Me too.” He takes a shaky breath, looking back to the forest again. “It can’t though, you know that, right?”

She looks away too but she doesn’t answer him. She can’t. She did all this because she couldn’t bear to lose him and she’s lost him anyway. Nodding stiffly, she hopes that’s good enough for him.

This is it. They’re over. It’s stupid that she held out hope he’d still want to be with her after everything, but she’s been stupid more than once in her life.

“But maybe…” He breathes out slowly, turning to look at her. “Maybe we can begin something new?”

She feels tears spring afresh from her eyes, but these ones are happy. Hopeful. “I’d like that.” She barely manages above a whisper but from the small smile that crosses his face, she thinks he heard her.

His hand reaches for hers but she finds herself unable to resist moving next to him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in the crook of his shoulder. “I missed you, Callum. I missed you so much.”

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I’m sorry if you already discussed this, what are your thoughts on the narrative "BTS has been/is being mistreated by the music industry" that goes around in the fandom? as much as I am a fan, and I do see some eyebrow-raising stuff + obvious examples of racism and ostracism, I feel like this idea of "Bangtan against the world/they’re been sabotaged" sounds lowkey conspiracy-ish at times. Are they really? Maybe I’m naive, I don’t know. I’m especially lost when it comes to streams and platforms such as Spotify/YT filtering the streams. I mean, the fandom is so huge now and people are playing songs on repeat for the sake of it, it does not seem like a really faire competition to me… they’re not the only ones doing this for sure as it seems to be a common thing in kpop fandoms but it seems like a taboo topic to question it… I guess I’m too old for this, lol (33 yo), i don’t get why people are so obsessed with the ranking and it seems like it keeps feeding the idea that it’s Army the savior of poor mistreated BTS against the whole mean industry (which is probably a pithole anyway). Every time I’ve tried to introduce my friends around my age to kpop, the first thing they always say is that they have a bad image on the genre because the fans are completely unhinged which does not make the music very welcoming unfortunately. I find it sad that fans don’t realize that they’re actually probably doing more harm than good.

Anon 2

My god, BMT, have you seen the whole Spotify/Lisa/ARMY fiasco on Twitter? When will these fans accept the fact that BTS aren’t victims—haven’t been for a long time—and they don’t need ARMYs protection? Then again, of course the behavior will continue when BTS encourage (James Cordon, “got ARMYs right behind us when we say so”, blah blah blah). It’s embarrassing and disgusting 💀

I've said times multiple times and nothing happened to change my mind as of today, but Army is still victimizing BTS because it's an integral part of the fandom's raison d'etre. They need to fight, they need to be the savior. And how many times have I not seen I-Army calling out the Korean fans for not streaming enough which once again, is done as a way to put themselves on this superior position in which the foreigner knows best and is the only one able to save and truly love an uplift this Korean group. But this overall mentality is found across the board. Of course it's dumb.

I saw the tweets for the past two days and honestly, it looks like desperation to me, for something that truly doesn't make any sense. Army is still there in the trences for an imaginary war that has long been won already and they are on the winning side, except they don't want to recognize it because without that war, they have no purpose. In 2022, is BTS a group dependent on streams? Really? Is that a main concern? They made it. They made a long time ago, which only makes this even more ridiculous. For this fandom, numbers will always matter most and not the quality of music, despite preaching that it's the most important aspect they're interested about and the reason why they "stan" BTS. Except they fail or won't admit that this is also about them and how they're in competition with every single person on this planet who is not BTS or BTS-approved.

They make BTS as victims when these so-called victims get to have a stage at Lollapalooza, debut one song on a stadium tour in Argentina, sing at the World Cup and without being a well established solo artist, a place at NPR Tiny Desk. Those are opportunities that came because as a group, they reached a certain level of success and fame that opens those types of doors. They are not debuting a solo song on Music Bank, but on world stages. And somehow, they still need a fandom to fight insignificant battles.

[meeko-mar]

The more I think about it, the more I might be signing on to the theory that Izuku KNOWS his trigger is Kacchan, and he just hasn't admitted/confronted it yet...At least, that we have yet seen.

Hold my non-alcoholic beverage.

Once again, let's preface with the fact that we have SEEN with our own eyes, that Kacchan has been the trigger of two specific incidents, being Monoma insulting Kacchan and Izuku becoming angry enough to manifest Black Whip.

And second, Kacchan following him into danger, and then getting impaled and nearly dying to protect him, which then triggered possibly the most RAGE we have ever seen Izuku possess, AND the manifestation of Danger Sense, AND caused him to literally throw himself at AFO/Shigaraki which put him immediately under threat of having OFA stolen. Obviously, the vestiges protected the Quirk, but the fact still stands that the rage the a Izuku felt was enough to drive him LITERALLY into Shigaraki's hands, despite how very very dangerous that was. Izuku LOST HIMSELF so badly that he could have lost the entire war right there, if The Vestiges hadn't protected him and the Quirk.

The moment when All Might and Kacchan are trying to coach him and find the connection that brought about Black Whip. The mention of an external factor, and Izuku's avoidance of saying what that factor was(Kacchan being insulted, as we ALL know and explicitly saw), and arguably his words of "It's not something I can handle right now" seem a bit suspicious.

(NOTE: I've said before, that I had slight skepticism that this line about not being able to handle it and putting a lock on something, was meant to refer to the power he unlocked, however, watching season 5 has made me remember that, after the chaotic manifestation, and talking to Lariat, and realizing that Black Whip was part of his Quirk and therefore there to HELP him, and he had successfully used it without losing control because he ACCEPTED that it was a power that was there to help, not hurt him. I am not so sure that Izuku's "lock" is referring to the power anymore, but rather, his feelings for Kacchan.

But, I have new perspective that maybe, like others were pointing out, maybe it IS referring to the actual TRIGGER. IE, his feelings for Kacchan/his anger on his behalf.

I could be wrong, of course? But stay with me because this is a part of a larger context)

So, after the War arc, after Kacchan got gravely injured on his behalf, after hospitalization, we are given one thing before Izuku suddenly leaves. But it was KACCHAN's perspective, Kacchan waking up and being desperate to get to Izuku, and getting DENIED at the door. We are shown Kacchan's desperation to make sure Izuku's ok, but so far, even well after waking up, we are NOT SHOWN Izuku's worry over Kacchan's condition. We are suddenly FLUNG into a brand new world where Izuku is a drop-out "vigilante" working on the villain activity outside of school, cleaning up villains and questing to find out how villains come to be in their own minds.

We've seen him talk to his mom before he leaves. We've seen him talk to Gran Torino.

But we haven't seen him talk to ANY of his friends yet, ESPECIALLY KACCHAN. When there has been such a fantastic amount of tension placed on that particular relationship, after not only the sacrifice Kacchan made, but also, and particularly, the FOCUS that was placed on Kacchan trying to REACH HIM and FAILING.

We've all been forced to inhale a deep breath as Kacchan charged down that hallway yelling for Deku, and we are STILL HOLDING THAT BREATH. There is a huge, poignant LOOSE END there that is hanging over our head. We are still waiting for the payoff.

So like that scene, in theory, Izuku is still avoiding how he feels so strongly about Kacchan that he can be triggered into rage over him being hurt?

Actually, no, I think this sudden change to Izuku is very much him finally acknowledging it and acting on it.

The reason we have so much unresolved tension still hanging over Kacchan and Izuku's non-reunion, the reason Hori set up this big conflict that hasn't been resolved yet, why he showed us Kacchan trying to see Deku and not an ounce of Izuku wanting to see Kacchan before he leaves,

is that Izuku is actively trying to distance himself from Kacchan.

He did say that the reason he won't be returning to UA is of course because AFO could find him at any time and he would place everyone around him in danger.

But Kacchan? I think Izuku is still very much traumatized by the fact that he witnessed Kacchan taking a would-be fatal blow for him and falling out of the sky, drenched in blood.

I think he probably realizes that if Kacchan follows him into battle again, there's a real chance it could happen again... Or worse, AFO/Shigaraki, now knowing what a touchy button that is for Izuku, could actively target Kacchan on the battlefield, kill him, and/or use him against Izuku.

And Izuku is in the literary stage where the protagonist thinks that the love they have for someone else is a weak point and a danger/liability to those he loves, and so tries to shoulder all the burden themselves an shut the other out. He doesn't want his friends involved, he doesn't want Kacchan involved.

Because he knows that his love for Kacchan is his weakness. He's finally acknowledging that when Kacchan is hurt or slighted, he tends to lose himself. He loses control of his heart, and this is not something they can afford at this point in the game. Defeating AFO is now or never. (and he just desperately doesn't want Kacchan to be hurt for him anymore.)

He is going to have to learn, however, that, like Kacchan says to him, he can't keep playing the Hero on his own. And that their love can be their greatest strength, instead of a weakness.

So he's left, probably without a conversation with Kacchan. Hori is holding out on showing us this, building onto that tension, and I feel like he has some very significant pay off coming up. We haven't been shown any such conversation because he wants us to keep holding that breath for a little longer.

And if I'm right, it's gonna be dramatic when Izuku breaks down about this to Kacchan, finally. There was also some theories that Kacchan v. Deku 3 is going to follow the progression of their relationship and have this one center around Izuku's feelings being laid bare and Kacchan "accepting his feelings" as Izuku had done for him in KvD2, I think I'm a fan of this theory.

So yeah, Izuku knows that Kacchan is his trigger and purposely left without him for that reason.

That's basically my theory. Probably not the first one to think this, but I thought I'd write about it anyway. to get it outta my head, lmao.

Alsooo, yeah this is tagged for my Bakudeku peeps, and I use the word "love" in this, but you can read that as you will, either platonic or possibly romantic, not here to say this theory calls for canon romantic feelings between BKDK because that's not really my point, but at this point denying that they love each other in SOME capacity is being blind.

Ship or don't ship, but I legitimately think this is the psychology of Izuku's decision right now.