#and they literally are the homes of the future as well!!!!!
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ive said this before but it's hard being an lgbt malaysian and listening to western lgbt people freak out over things that have been our reality the entire time. i've had to come to terms with the fact that i'll likely never be able to legally transition in malaysia, will never be able to change my name or gender on documents and it will probably remain illegal for me to use public bathrooms, seek medical care, exist in public, do literally anything as a trans person there for the rest of my life. i am not happy about this and i am luckier than most having the ability to medically transition in canada but i'm always hyperaware that this can be taken away from me at any moment (and is likely to in the near future with the slow death of liberalism in canada as well), that whenever i return i'm at risk of imprisonment if i'm caught by the wrong person, and i know the reality of what life is like for people back home who do not have the privileges i do. but the thing is that even in malaysia trans people use the bathroom and exist in public and have jobs and fall in love and see the doctor and it is possible to carve out a life that is not wholly built upon despair. it's really really fucking hard and scary but we do it anyway because we have to. so it's just really hard to stomach white people in like california freaking out like it's impossible to live in these circumstances or no one else could possibly understand, sorry
#i want nothing more than to return home and be able to live in peace but my family knows it isnt safe for me#when you grow up understanding that to be lgbt means to be a literal criminal and people get caned killed imprisoned for it#but unfortunately mentioning any of this makes white people go well we should bomb you and do nato invasion because youre evil#rather than pulling themselves together and recognizing shared struggle. not always but often enough
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price finding you as he takes a smoke out in the alleyway, unperturbed by the droplets of water that threaten to put out his cigar. despite his charm, he has no interest in taking a pretty bird home tonight. the man has no want, no need for company, making him an outlier in his squad. simon and johnny act like they keep to themselves (even if the captain has caught the stoic lieutenant rubbing his sergeants knee), and even kyle has a bird(s) back in london.
in short price is alone.. but not for long.
his head snaps at the sound of tin hitting the damp concrete. it’s hard to see in the dark, but price can make out a dim shape. his hand comes up to his hip, ghosting over where his gun sits. he stalks towards the cretin that disturbed his smoke, figuring out whether he’ll need to take the gun out of his holster or not. as he inches closer,
he notices that the thing beforehand is a person. at least, at first glance it is. it looks feminine, having curves his body lacks. price tilts his head, straightening himself before he asks, “excuse me, ma’am-“ he doesn’t expect to be hissed at in response. confusion etches itself into the hard lines of his face, realizing that this thing, it, has a pair of furry ears protruding from the top of it’s head. his eyes trace downward, rags concealing what underwear should, but a hole is cut in the back to free a fluffy tail.
john wonders if he brought a different type of cigar with him for a moment. to check, he reaches forward again with another “ma’am-“ and he knows he has a plain cigar when it hisses at him, sharp fangs threatening to sink into him and give him a disease.
he‘s heard of things like it before him, a hybrid. ‘one of god’s mistakes’ many people like to call them. to his knowledge, most of them were taken into research facilities, cut open and splayed out as scientists figure out how such beings can exist, and what it means for the future of society. that’s where it should be. however, it didn’t make the cut to be put on a table. instead, it continues to dig through the trash, clawing up some soggy nachos that the maggots have luckily avoided.
john watches as it shovels the garbage into their mouth, and he has half a mind to turn away. the droplets are falling more consistently, cutting his smoke short. additionally, it doesn’t seem to keen on making friends, and john isn’t either. “..well, i’ll leave you with your dinner,” john says, turning away and walking back towards the door of the pub.
he’s about to open the door, but he’s ears perk up to the sound of a sharp meow. he turns his head, watching as it’s bent halfway into the bin, scraping for any bit it can find. a whine leaves it’s lip as it crawls out, ears pinned back to it’s hair. it’s face screams of disappointment and frustration, and john realizes just how thin this creature is.
he’s not much of a cat guy, and he certainly can’t categorize it as… a cat, but a part of his heart sinks knowing it will live the last of it’s days surviving from barely edible (literal) garbage. all alone. like him. a part of him knows he’s going to regret this as he walks forward. the moment he crouches down before it, the cretin goes back to hissing at him, tail straight and pointed. there’s still time to turn back, someone in his mind nags at him, but he shuts him out with his own words;
“ever had tuna?”
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you know what I really wanna remake those houses from Far Cry New Dawn in fallout 4, I think they have such a cool look and would fit right in tbh
#fallout#fallout 4#like don't tell me that wouldn't fit right into fallout#mid century type wooden post apocalyptic house my beloved#like its a perfect fit for Sanctuary Hills I think#especially since it matches those Homes of the Future architectural style#and they literally are the homes of the future as well!!!!!#idk why im gushing about these houses#i just fucking love them#i loved coming across them in new dawn#if i ever build my own home I want it to look like these
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“We need more morally gray characters” you guys can barely handle topaz and jade.
#yeah I said it#hsr#Honkai star rail#topaz hsr#topaz and numby#jade#jade hsr#hsr Jade#hsr topaz#like they’re not good but their not mustache twirling villains y’all#yes topaz did mess up by not telling bronya the actual success rate if she accepted the deal#but you have to remember she was indoctrinated since she was a kid that the ipc was good and that those who surrendered to its power will#succeed and thrive#hell they may have used examples like boothills home planet as warnings#of course she would think the ipc is good and will#help jarillo#her home planet was on the brink of collapse when the ipc came and it was quite literally life saving#even though it did mean robbing the future of a population to work for them topaz so grateful for the ipc and sees it as a way to pay back#you guys are forgetting that she was willing to sacrifice her position and that she was happy the planet could be independent#now we don’t know much about jade but she doesn’t go seeking out desperate people#those people come to her and accept those deals knowing full well every detail and it’s cost#she may get some pleasure from it sure but she’s just doing business with people#and yet I see people view them as villains and yet not call out aventurine with helping the ipc take control of penacony#he’s a victim yes but so is topaz when it comes to the ipc manipulating them#topaz has good Intentions and is just following what she has been taught since childhood#look I love aventurine I really do but he’s not pure and at the end of the day both him and topaz are people they are flawed#they’re not completely bad or good#sorry it was mainly about topaz we don’t know much about jade and I might change my mind on her when we do
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I'm sorry but the post breaking down the Arya-Jeyne-North angle makes no sense. The Boltons are claiming Winterfell through the marriage to Arya aka Jeyne who is considered the Lady of Winterfell by her own birthright. They're not trying to claim Winterfell was given to them by the crown or no longer belongs to the Starks. Ramsay didn't even want to get married at Winterfell when Roose made the call to move the wedding location from Barrowton. He's claiming himself Lord of Winterfell the same way he claimed himself Lord of Hornwood through the forced marriage to Lady Donella and even Lady Dustin says him keeping his title is dependent on how he treats his wife. He needs the marriages to claim those titles, not the other way around. At no point in Dance is Jeyne ever considered Lady Bolton, she's always called Lady Arya. That's like arguing Sansa's marriage to Tyrion means the claim to Winterfell comes from Tyrion, not Sansa.
You can argue that Jeyne and Ramsay's marriage is invalid because both got married under false pretenses as the bride was pretending to be someone else, but that wouldn't negate Arya's position as Lady of Winterfell if she intends to claim the title. I think it's intentional on GRRM's part to make the question of Stark succession jumbled enough that all five of them can technically stake their claim whether through birth order, sex, legitimized degrees, might makes right and the power behind them, or simply having the claim bestowed on them before the others make themselves known.
Buckle up, it’s a long one.
I am going to go on a limb here and presume you didn’t read the whole post, did you? I literally said it a million and one times that Arya’s claim comes from her being a Stark. That is the entire point of my post.
The north believing that Jeyne is Arya (“Lady Aryq”) doesn’t make Arya Jeyne or the Lady of Winterfell by proxy. Y’all are literally running around in circles here, nothing makes sense. At one point you are claiming that Ramsay is claiming his authority through Arya because she already is the lady of Winterfell and on the other hand you’re saying that bringing Arya to the north and marrying her to Ramsay made her the Lady of Winterfell in the eyes of the Northern Lords and the readers. Make it make sense. Anyway, Lady is a title granted to all noblewomen of higher houses, a lot like how Miss/Mister worked in the 1800s to now (sort of). Arya would be Lady Arya of House Stark regardless of whether she is the heir to House Stark or not. The Lady Stark or the Lady of Winterfell will only be Catelyn Stark as it is a social position granted to the wife of the head of the House. If she had a sister-in-law, say Benjen didn’t go to the nights watch and got married, that woman would also be Lady Stark (or Lady her-maiden-name) but she would not be the Lady of Winterfell, are you getting me? The people here could be referring to Arya as ‘Lady’ because she’s a highborn girl and comes from the most noble house of the north. That makes her one of the people with the highest social standing; which I feel warrants the use of the word Lady, not to be confused with the feudal position.
I know you’re trying to play the whole Arya is the last of Starks and that is why she is the Lady of Winterfell and that is from where the Boltons are legitimising their claim to the north. But Arya is not the last of the Starks. She still has an older sister (that they know is alive when they decided on the marriage) and two brothers whose claim is superior to hers no matter how you argue. On top of that, the girl that is actually married to Ramsay is not even Arya. Arya is in Braavos training with the faceless men. Regardless, never once throughout the books, is she called the head of house stark or lady stark or the lady of Winterfell and have that be given as a reason as to why the North should fight for her. She is ‘Ned’s precious little girl’ and that is enough. Literally pulled Lady of Winterfell out of your ass.
“They’re not trying to claim the north was given to them by the crown or no longer belonging to the starks” is an insane statement to make when the royal decree is literally the only leg they have to stand on, and that they are now the unequivocal lords of Winterfell is literally exactly what they’re claiming. Bruh. Bobby B winning the crown by conquest is still valid but the Baratheons being distant cousins of the Targaryens helped. The Boltons need Stark blood to strengthen their claim not create a claim from a non-existent one, which is why they married “Arya” and which is also exactly why just any girl, and not Arya herself, worked. It is all for show.
Okay, scratch all of that. Let me make it simple. The Bolton’s claim to the north literally comes from being granted the north by royal decree. Marrying “Arya Stark” just gives the loyal northerners less reason to fight against Bolton rulership. So the Bolton derive their authority by literally being given the North by the crown after killing Robb Stark and hope to retain that claim in front of the northern lords by seemingly marrying “Arya Stark”. The former is legally and politically important. The latter is socially important. If the North wasn’t actually granted to the Boltons, Ramsay marrying Arya wouldn’t have done jack to their claim, sorry. Which leads me to the latter, having a political marriage between the Boltons and the Starks reduces the chances of a revolt by the “more loyal” northern lords. “Even Lady Dustin says him keeping his title depends on how he treats his wife”. Yes, so as to not anger the northern lords. If his claim was from the ladyship of his wife, then it wouldn’t have depended on how he treated her. Eg. Lady Hornwood. How are you proving my own point here.
Ramsay doesn’t derive his authority from his wife who is the Lady of Winterfell. He doesn’t even derive it from his wife. He married a “Stark” because it merely quells the rumbling of a revolt and makes the Boltons more palpatable as Wardens of the North. Moreover, if they were deriving the claim from Arya then Ramsay would be the Lord of Winterfell but he’s not, Roose is. If the Boltons really wanted to lay a claim to the north by marrying Arya, then they would have torn apart heaven and earth to find the real one and married the her, and that too to Roose, not Ramsay. But they can’t, because she inherently doesn’t hold that power. This also doesn’t mean that she is less of a Stark so don’t think I am trying to say that.
Do you think if hypothetically Lord Manderly married his son to Arya, would that automatically make him the liege lord of the north? Does marrying Lysa to Jon Arryn make Jon Arryn’s father the ruling lord of the Riverlands? Does it even make Jon the ruling lord of the riverlands? Even if Hoster and Edmure were dead, neither Jon Arryn nor his father would have no claim to the Riverlands. Where is this logic even coming from? It’s clearly not in universe. Your argument about Lady Hornwood holds no water because there was no royal decree that proclaimed him as the Lord of Hornwood. If there was, he wouldn’t need to marry Lady Hornwood herself, even any of her daughters to appease her subjects because her subjects are not noble houses with armies of their own. Hornwood is not the entirety of the North. The North is half the continent and therefore holds much more political sway. Hornwood is a small House. How are you even drawing parallels here? The Boltons won’t just hand wave away the royal fucking decree for no good reason especially when they stabbed and betrayed their own King for it. What made you even think of this???
Lastly, this is not GRRM trying to muddle the Stark succession. This is GRRM trying to show the reader that sometimes people with less social standing and power are abused simply because those higher than them can get away with it. He means to say that this is something that will not happen to someone from a bigger House. This was to highlight the inherently lopsided, power-imbalanced, oppressive system that is cruel to those it deems weak.
#that Arya is the Lady of Winterfell is literally a headcanon#where did it even fucking come from?#George please release twow people are starved for content#asoiaf#Jeyne Poole#the jeyne poole arya debate#also I thought the lady of Winterfell was for the future#when she comes back home? she already is the lady of Winterfell? wow#y’all work fast#when did that happen? after Ned died? or cat and Robb?#because then clearly it will go to Arya no because Sansa simply doesn’t exist in our minds#ostrich syndrome#I’m tired of this#Bolton succession I guess#edit: to anon I apologise I think I was overly rude maybe you meant well
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every so often i walk around my house like “huh i wonder if that ten year old appliance has a filter or some kind of maintenance requirement i should be aware of” and then i check the manual and it’s like
#it’s working quite well for being eight or nine years past the two-week filter maintenance date#there is quite literally a grand piano on the way so i fear there’s some osha unapproved ladders in my future#adventures in home ownership
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#mitskis ‘your best american girl’ is doing wonders (sad) to my heart#the guy i like is. well. white and hes always dated white girls#and i know somehow im just. not someone he might like#and i feel like he mightve always had an image of how his future family would like#and its not w someone who looks like me yk?#and im just grappling w the idea of it. ANYWAY this is literally what im thinking of as i hear that part in mitskis song#about the mother. hits a wee close to home#sun rambles
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Replaying Our life's dlc and realizing how relatable both Derek and Baxter are is my roman empire.
#like what??? I didn't remember relating so hard on the first playthrough#crying cause their struggle hits way to close to home#literally outing myself on my first post but that's future me problem#also side note they are babies!! they deserve the world!!#cove wasn't supposed to be apart of thr post but he also deserve the world!!#our life#our life beginnings & always#our life beginnings and always#derek suarez#baxter ward#gb patch#gb patch games#to anyone reading this#you are worth every little affection that your are given and you deserve so much more!!#you are loved and cared for#you have the potential to achieve anything you set yourself to!!#the world is though and you may feel that you're going to sink in the vast unforgiving ocean that is life#but you are doing so well and in the end your body will always float back to the surface!!#keep swimming buddies the world loves you!!
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i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/
#stop it......#i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take#i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in.......#ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday#each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy#selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need#standing all day long just fucking bored#hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in#ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day#when nothing new ever happens#and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either#i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling#and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me#i walk there i stand all day and i walk home#that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like.#i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in#if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy#but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot#idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do#there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits#and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future#so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless.#sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol#all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that
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Okay, but like...what if in "Queen of Hearts," Arthur followed through on his threat before Morgana did her sorcery frame-up, and he and Gwen just dipped (with Merlin, obviously)? Like, he leaves an Official Statement of Resignation on his desk with his signet ring, renouncing his claim to the throne and all that? The three of them are halfway to Essetir before anyone notices they're gone.
And on the way, they just happen to chance across some smugglers? Logic dictates that Tristan and Isolde started their hustle during Uther's reign for them to be as good as they are in S4 when Arthur had only been king a few months tops. They're still initially suspicious, ofc, but they warm up a lot faster considering the situation, and they're always down with someone who says "fuck the king" with their whole chest. The trio takes up with them bc they're always on the move and make a living on not being found, which is exactly what they need rn because Uther will be looking for them.
But if they want to stay, they gotta contribute. House rules.
Now, insofar, Tristan and Isolde are strictly transport. They're more or less fences. They don't do the actual theft part. But the trio can. Arthur can blend right in with the rich people they rip off, and he's bougie enough to pick out the Good Shit and pass on the knockoffs. Merlin and Gwen can blend right in with the servants to case the joint and swipe the goods, not to mention Gwen's knowledge of metalworking means being able to dismantle jewelry pieces without damaging them and making them untraceable, and Merlin can cover their tracks with magic (he'd have told them after they left) and create distractions as needed.
Arthur does have a small crisis when he realises he makes a better grifter than a prince, but then it's just really funny. He is now the Once and Future King of Thieves. Tristan and Isolde are the envy of the black market scene bc of their "secret weapons."
Bonus points if this is how they meet the rest of the squad bc legit the only knight that isn't a confirmed criminal is Percival, but he's also besties with Lancelot, so it's implied he might be.
Knights of the Criminal Enterprise.
you could have just kissed me on the spot you know
#god i'm in love with this concept#never thought i'd find a canon divergent merwenthur au where they're the top dogs of Albion's criminal empire#s5 is them realizing that camelot is in deep shit bc morgana took up the throne after they left and arthur still loves his kingdom#he's conflicted about going back bc 1) that's his home and it deserves better 2) he likes his life rn 3) he's in denial about morgana's#corruption arc no matter how many times he hears about ('that's not gana merlin those people don't know her like i do' and merlin doesn't#have the heart to tell arthur about her plots to kill both him and uther and gwen) it's not until leon arrives that arthur has to accept it#also elyan introduces merwenthur to tristan & isolde bc obvi he left with the gang (he promised her that he'd always be there and he intend#to keep that promise!)#lancelot when he meets the gang during a heist and he's their target's bodyguard ('...fancy meeting you here' 'literally what the fuck')#the tristan adoption process happens faster in this au bc tristan isn't aware that arthur (affectionately called wart) is the prince#gwen putting her smithing skills to good use and having them be acknowledged????? well mark me down as a swooning damsel#her and elyan being a dynamic duo when it comes to smelting or forging a quarter master's keys#bbc merlin#merwenthur#once and future king of thieves#or Albion's Oceans 11#arthur pendragon#gwen#merlin emrys#tristan and isolde#headcanons
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Upper management hit us with an insane amount of demands and changes to our production and my one (1) coworker in this newsroom w me just put in his two weeks
#I literally don’t even blame him bc our asks were already outrageous for just the two of us and he is also a stay at home dad#so like this suck so bad and it’s so so over but also. I have literally all of the leverage in this situation going forward bc they need me#more that I need them now more than EVER#and this dysfunctional chain of command from our ownership also gives me free reign to walk regardless and have any future employers be like#well yes obviously what else are you to do in that situation#and regardless of what happens or when it does I’ll be able to leave not feeling like I failed bc I did my best#to be successful in the conditions that I found myself AS PAPA ALWAYS SAIDDDDDD
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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kept hearing weird noises in my room all night and at first i was sure it was just my cat then i got up to use the bathroom and discovered she was in the other room. strange noises continued. maybe my imagination but felt something tug my blanket a few times. cat in other room every time i got up to try to find out what was making the noises. if it was a creature of some kind i can't imagine the cat ignoring it? not that she would catch it despite mousing being her job but she would have been fixated on it? wondering if it was actually a creature in the crawl space but it def sounded like stuff in my room rattling around and stuff 🤨
#made it very hard to sleep so i got up an hour early for no real reason#i wanted maximum sleep and didnt have enough time bc i went to bed late#but since im starting my new job tomorrow i want to get myself out of bed at 6am in the future#and i was trying to fix my sleep schedule by allowing myself the extra hour but still getting up at 7 today#but simply was too awake at 6 so got up#i will probably regret this later#but maybe it will get me to go to bed earlier tonight thus fixing the sleep schedule instantly#anyway#not going to sleep well for new job if there's a creature in my room all night making noises tho :(#possibly this has happed before and i always blamed kitty but this time i Know she was innocent#she was literally alseep in her hammock in the other room every time there was a sound#i kept getting up to check once i realized it wasnt her#i hope its not a mouse but idk what creature it could be#???#the two cats and dog would surely notice and care if they were sharing a home with another creature#(the other cat and dog were accounted for at this time in my brother's room so they are also innocent)#anyway 😬
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what is the truth. schrodinger's normal abnormal boy
#i was going to write a meta but i deleted it all bc i got embarrassed and can't put woRDS TOGETHER IN A SMART/CLEAR WAY#RHGHHH#its in my brain though i swear#its just abt daisuke's juvenile sense of confusion#hes young. hes a lil lost! he goes along with his family's phantom thievery but he doesn't necessarily completely enjoy it#it's complicated. he truly genuinely from the bottom of his heart loves art. but he doesn't necessarily like the stealing aspect#and he'd never ever steal anything deeply precious to anyone. he refuses to hurt anyone's feelings#but also- he's a little out of touch with things too sometimes. he keeps convincing himself he's 'mostly' or 'sorta' or 'pretty much' norma#when hes NEARLY DIED PLENTY OF TIMES thanks to his training#nobody normal comes home to electric doorknobs pitfalls alligators rabid dogs and lasers#his whole family is literally a family of criminals! he has live artworks w bonkers powers in his basement!#his own weird pet rabbit can FLY AND TALK#ud think turning into dark he'd be like 'well this might as well just happen' but in a way dark rlly was the last straw for daisuke#and like. there's nothing normal about any of this oagbdkgfk ESP IN A MODERN AGE!!!#but daisuke a) is a little willfully ignorant of it and b) genuinely ignorant of anything outside of it. bc again. hes a kid!#he doesn't have a lot of friends! he's a loser!#satoshi bringing up the tamers' cycles too. dark and daiki both agreeing that even if things seem fine now#that in the future the niwa and hikari would fight again. the niwa would cause the hikari pain#over and over. daisuke can't stand it. everyone keeps trying to tell him that his life and future is fixed#but if it's not one he agrees with or wants for himself then he's going to reject it#and that goes double for people like satoshi who have to reject krad. their sorrow and pain#bc it doesn't actually produce any beneficial outcome. its just senseless#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.
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my body needs to get its shit together lmao
#text post#ive always needed rest days after days with a lot of activity but fuck me#i feel like ive got a cold or something with the fatigue and body aches going on like bro#we just did the beach walk then a couple stores then home!! that's nothing come the fuck on!!#but even after resting up yesterday from stuff on sunday (which even with this body stuff I'd do again in a heartbeat. was a good day 🥰)#im still utterly sore and achy and exhausted and it feels utterly ridiculous#im not wheezing like i was yesterday but i just. this isn't right!!!#i feel WORSE than i did when we went to bed but i was just chilling trying to write#and watching secret sleepover society vods like i was literally just sitting there!!!#but i had to resist the urge to skip my shower and just sleep there on my bedroom floor bc#moving is Effort and Ow and i know i gotta keep addressing my internalised ableism#and that accepting when my body needs extra rest is part of it but sometimes i just#everyone told me as long as i kept trying to exercise and eat as best i could (difficult w/all my food shit but i do my best)#that as i got older this stuff would go away#i would acclimate and feel better#instead housemate has helped me confirm our wondering during my trip last year as to if i have asthma#which considering ae does and my symptoms all mirror aer's asthma symptoms to a t i mean. there ya go#add in lingering long covid symptoms and im just not doing as well as i want to be physically and idk how to help it#when a lot of it is stuff that's gone undiagnosed or untreated for years like. the damage to my body is already done#the future i was promised if i tried my best for my body probably never actually existed and like the adults telling me to work harder#had no way to know that technically but also. id be lying if i said im not struggling with and mourning that rn#which feels selfish and silly bc im alive and able enough to get around on my own and i have ppl who care for and help me#but im still sat here like. i want to spend all day walking the beach with a friend and NOT pay for it the next few days damn it
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they should invent finding a house to live in that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself
#and at every level !#it’s not just finding what you can afford (depressing)#but having your time wasted by estate agents .. applying for the RARE property you like only to be always rejected bc your application isn’t#competitive enough..#constantly turning up on time only for estate agent to turn up late or cancel without telling you…#like literally wasting hours of my life atm for what feels like nothing#like I don’t think I’ll even have a house I want to live in at the end of it#abt to give up on my masters and just get a job#still wouldn’t pay well enough to rent a studio flat in this city but it might be better#it’s just so draining. and demotivating and makes me feel so stressed abt the future#like I’m financially estranged and I don’t have a family home to fall back on if I need.. jts scary#like I cannot stress enough that I have a VERY GOOD DEGREE#like you do everything the world tells you to do to secure financial security#and you realise at the end of it that it was a lie 🤣🤣
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