#and they didn't say anything about it either so im just??
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Tengen's wives often get pretty neglected by the Fandom. So, I wish to give them some love. All 3 of them, definitely, hold a lot of personal trauma, but especially around children. They would have probably been told that they must give birth to a lot of children for their future husband and were 100% taught how to be mothers, making them perfect to care for baby Obanai.
Suma specifically would take a lot of pride in doing that, as she would want to be a mother. Her being super invested into caring for him, as if he were her own child.
Makio and Hina, less so, but both always being willing to jump in and help.
They could possibly become best friends with Mitsuri through Obanai's situation and find other things they have in common.
i agree!
with the three growing up having it constantly drilled in their head they'll have to carry several children and be strong for their future husband i do think there's some underlying distress and frustration there, and i do wonder if it will help ease that pressure if they were able to help out with someone else's baby-- they didn't have to go through pregnancy or labor, it's not their baby to mother and raise-- they just get to help out and be an anchor of support
i also imagine tengen doesnt pressure them at all. he loves those women with his whole heart. if they expressed anything about not wanting to bare children, he would respect it. they could always adopt, he says. and if they do have kids-- he's not making them do all the work! that man would be a stay at home dad if he could!
i do agree that suma would be the one most eager to be a mother, whereas makio and hinatsuru less so, though they are of course willing to help, and im sure they love being around a baby
an interesting dynamic ive always believed is tengen's wives HATE obanai. they dont really understand him. they see him as hateful towards women and a cruel person toward their husband, though tengen tries to reassure them that isnt the case at all. having a deaged obanai around probably helps reassure them of that. they see how much tengen and obanai adore each other without the wall that obanai's built up, and understand that it's not that obanai hates women-- it's that he fears them
the baby is always crying around them and trying to hide in either sanegiyuu, tengen, or mitsuri-- whoever is holding him at the time. since the baby is scared, kaburamaru is all worked up and hissing and snapping at the girls. they slowly figure out babynai is scared of them, and over time, they gain his trust, and in turn, they recognize obanai truly isnt that bad-- he's just a damaged guy in need of care
so, whenever babynai is visiting or having to spend the night-- if tengen isnt absolutely doting over the little guy-- the girls help out when they can and, in turn, tengen helps them out. if the girls want to play with the baby for a bit, tengen is more than happy to step away and cook dinner or do the laundry
and to your point, ive always seen tengen's wives as being super close with shinobu and mitsuri, and i see that happening here! if we throw babybu into the mix, i just know those girls are FIGHTING over who gets to hold the baby. babybu loves all the girl time!!
slowly babybu and mitsuri are able to convince babynai to let the girls get him all dressed up. insert babynai with the cutest little bows. the girls cant decide if he should have pink or purple (they only have pink and purple because of miss nobu) but babynai wants to match with mitsuri so... pink it is!
#askbites#not artbites#demon slayer#kny#babynai#babybu#obanai iguro#tengen uzui#suma uzui#makio uzui#hinatsuru uzui#mitsuri kanroji#sanemi shinazugawa#giyuu tomioka#shinobu kocho#drawing later
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iii. her new friend.
a/n: im alive i wrote this months ago and i HAAATE it but i wanna post something so maybe ill get back into writing🤷🏾♀️ i lowkey cringe reading it 😭 may delete later!
warnings/tags: loosely (very loosely) inspired by the beginning of green eyes by erykah badu, jealousy, no reader description, communication, not good communication but it's still there, disagreement/argument(kinda), ends fluffy (and a LIIIIITTLE SUGGESTIVE A LITTLE), reader stands on big bidness until the end, lowercase intended, BARELY PROOFREAD AS ALWAYS 🔥🔥, self indulgent tbh, also suck at endings just shhh 😊
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you hated her.
well, not her. you hated how abby acted around her.
she was new; just recently started to stay at the wlf stadium.
and she was so pretty, you didn't know about 'prettier than you', but she was really pretty. her skin was glassy, her eyes lashes were so naturally long, her hair looked so nice in any style, everything.
it's not that you didn't have what she did or hated her just for existing. you were sure she was super sweet, talented, all of it. in fact, when you first met her you thought she was fantastic. but something about her being paired with abby made your eye twitch.
but abby seemed so much more...lively around her.
at first, you wondered if it was just you. maybe you were overreacting? you tried to brush it off until you heard somebody passing by call them a cute couple. abby didn't say anything either, just laughed.
you did try to bring it up too. of course not your exact thought, you tried to be nice about it since you assumed she didn't realize what she'd been doing.
"abby, i feel like you've been hanging out with your friend a lot more than you've been with me. not that you can't be with your friend, but y'know...'m here too."
and she chuckled, kissed your cheek, and just whispered a cute little "okay, 'm sorry," in your ear.
after that, she kept up with you for about a week. and then she went right back to her new little friend.
no biggie, at this point you were fed up. you tried a couple times to bring it up again, each time getting more honest and honest just to be met with a similar response.
you didn't care anymore. if she wants to hang out with her, so be it.
"'morning," she leaned over the couch and kissed your cheek, admiring your pretty face. "me and jade are gonna go play with the dogs."
nothing new, but every time you heard her name you felt you were going to explode. "mhm,"
you felt abby still lingering over your shoulder, waiting for another response. usually you'd tell her to 'have fun', 'be safe' if it was patrol duty.
"..you okay?" she leaned further down to be within your line of vision, her hands gripping the back of the couch. when you just nodded she paused, wondering if she should even say anything. she was so confused, why were you upset?
she walked around the side to sit next to you, too close. the contact made you huff, scoot away. she scoffed in disbelief. "what's wrong?"
you forced a smile onto your face and turned to face her, shaking your head. "nothing? go ahead, be with your friend," you waved your hand, turning back to the window. abby's eyebrows twitched. you looked back, eyeing her up and down. "..what?"
"why'd you word it like that?" she asked, her eyes darting to the side and then back onto your face.
"like what? what'd you want me to say?"
"i don't know...it's just--i just feel like you're mad at me." she did that dumb thing with her eyes, slightly tilting her head and looking at you like a sad dog. you knew it was never on purpose, and somehow that made it worse. she had that nervous smile on her face too.
"wonder why? 't's not like i haven't tried bringing it up for the past few weeks."
"what?" her face contorted into one of confusion.
"what?" you raised your brows.
"can you just talk to me?"
"clearly i've tried."
"then talk to me again...please."
you took a deep breath, feeling like a broken record.
"it doesn't even matter at this point. i told you, time after time, i feel like you're with jade more than you're with me. it literally didn't feel like you wanted me, i didn't feel like i was good enough for you. it's like at this point, if you want her, just have her. it's not like you two aren't already practically dating. you didn't listen, but it's fine, i don't care anymore, i'm over it, literally just go."
abby felt like she just got hit with a brick.
"do you think i want her? like, want to date her?" abby watched you groan, stand up and stretch your back, completely ready to just walk away from the conversation. you weren't about to be accused of being jealous on this fine thursday morning. "☆, seriously. is that what you think? i wouldn't replace you for anything, i'm sorry, i didn't--"
"ooooh my god. just go, dude. it's fine."
"it's not fine, though. and did you just call me dude?"
you huffed, about to blow up at her when you felt her grab the hem of your pants to pull you back towards her. "i'm sorry, okay? i mean it. i love you, not her, i didn't realize how much it was upsetting you. i'll stop."
your throat burned, brows furrowed. you almost stopped her when she pulled you into her lap, almost. the warmth of her arms wrapped around you was what made you stop. "i told you multiple times. why didn't you listen?"
"i don't know. i thought i was hanging out with her less."
before you could even start, you felt her littering your face and neck with kisses, her arms squeezing you tighter. it was so annoying to not be able to stay mad at her no matter how hard you tried, and you rolled your eyes. you reached up and pulled her in for a kiss, a proper one, one that you deserved.
"let me make it up to you, please?" she asked, one of her hands dropping to reach up your shirt and gently rub circles into your side.
"what about jade?"
"she can wait."
#abby anderson#abby anderson fluff#abby anderson wlw#abby anderson x reader#the last of us abby#wlw#tlou#lesbian#tlou2#tlou2 fanfic#abby tlou#tlou abby#abby the last of us#tlou part 2#tlou fic
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May kissed me???
Like, I wear a mask and May does not, but we were just standing and talking and then they just kinda looked at me and like--
Kissed my mask over where my lips are?? I'm-???
#panda posts#panda pines#may#like they've kissed my cheek before and i've kissed theirs#but they've never come anywhere close to kissing me on the lips before??#and i wear like the KN95 masks that point out so it wasn't even like i could feel it or anything but like--#ajdjwnxnsjxjsjjsjos#and they didn't say anything about it either so im just??#and then they have also been very cuddly today but i didn't see them at all yesterday so maybe they just missed me??#but uh#yeah#figured the masses (ana) would want to know
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really fucking sick and tired of people who really fucking love the eddie book jumping on people who don't like or are even remotely critical of it's posts and like crusading their opinions around from the top of their high horses and shoving it down our throats.
if you like the book, great! that's awesome! love that for you! i am genuinely glad that you were able to find good in it and enjoy it!!
but not everyone did, and not everyone is going to agree with you. so, instead of going on some grand crusade where you find every single post that includes anything even remotely negative or negative adjacent or even neutrally critical and spending ALL this time and effort trying to provide unwanted rebuttals to every single thing, maybe you should just stay in your lane and find people who DO like the book and chat about it with them.
because i can PROMISE YOU, none of us appreciate it when you come onto our posts and start accusing us of "hating on" the author or "being rude" about her and her work and RIDICULOUS shit like that.
being critical of something and pointing out it's flaws is NOT inherently hating on it. i, frankly, do not know where people got that notion, but it's not fucking true so can we fucking quit assuming it is? and, critiquing something is also NOT the same as saying this is shit and it sucks and the author is a piece of garbage. again, where the fuck that came from is beyond me. you can be critical of something and still enjoy it. as soooo many of you love to point out, it's not perfect, why should it be perfect? so D U H. of course that means criticism can and should arise???
also. hot take (by which i mean ice fucking cold because it's NOT a fucking hot take), but going around toting FALSE facts as part of your "defense" does not make you or your argument look good. you, like the author, should maybe do a basic fact check first. 🙃
tldr, if you like the book, that's genuinely great, but stay in your fucking lane and stop seeking out posts from people who didn't like it to start shit in the notes.
#flight of icarus#stranger things#this has happened to me and to so many of my friends and im fucking SICK of it#i didn't even hate the book either!! i thought it was just okay#and yet i STILL get all these book lovers jumping down my throat about things i say about the book#things that - HONESTLY are not even like that scathing!!!!!#like god damn all im asking for is a little BASIC effort from the author and they all think thats me asking for her head on a platter#its NOT#i have no problem with the author#she's whatever to me honestly just a vessel through which the book was given to us#ALSO she is some nebulous blob way outside my orbit. AS IN any critiques i have of her and her work are NOT direct assaults on her???#like i dont fucking KNOW her#im not saying any of this to her face#she is a published writer she should KNOW the risks she is taking when she publishes her writing#not everyone is going to like it! there are going to be people who are critical of it! there are going to be people who hate it!#critiques and pointing out mistakes and wishing for things to have been different is not a fucking direct attack#those things are actually pretty fucking common responses to ANYTHING#and a lot of times theyre actually meant as useful helpful things geared towards improvement and not something to tear someone down with#some people on the internet need to go touch grass and learn how to CRITICALLY THINK again#the world is not as black and white as you think#n e ways. rant over. if you stuck around through all of that kudos to you. i am just. at the end of my rope with this bullshit.
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Look, I enjoy the Targaryens as much as the next person and think that their house, their family mess, all of it is very interesting. I want a dragon so bad and they are one of the reasons, I get it. But, on the same hand, it gets annoying when people say/act like they are the only interesting house within ASOIAF (this rhetoric is mainly on Twitter, from what I've seen) and it primarily has to do with them having dragons (to which, for a time many Targaryens didn't have after the dance and until Daenerys came into the picture). Look, having dragons is cool and all, but if that's all that makes a house interesting then maybe that house is boring. And, could be just me, but by saying that I feel like it's lowkey disrespecting all the work GRRM put into the other houses and their characters. If the Targaryens are your favorite that's fine, but there's no need to act like the lore behind other houses also isn't just as important. I'm new to this fandom, but there are so many aspects that have pulled me in and it's sad that people ignore it just because it's not a part of one particular house.
#again i enjoy the targs and their messiness#and i want a dragon fr fr!#but im also not going to disrespect the other houses either! they are just as good if not great (acting like the martells didn't give them#a run for their money)#also back to the dragon thing how do you have rhae saying that without their dragons they're just like everyone else#and turn around and go “other houses aren't as cool without dragons” you're kind of proving her point#starks lannisters MARTELLS tyrells so many interesting houses that deserve praise too#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#house targaryen#hotd#targ stans pls dni if you're going to be mean#also i see some refusing to acknowledge how cool some of these houses are just bc they had beef with the targs and I'm like#come on move on already asoiaf has houses backstabbing one another left & right and moving on right after#even if you dislike one character from said house (fine) that doesn't mean you can't like anything about where they come from#yall can hate on the hightowers all you want but if you look me in the eye and say you'd pick smelly kl over oldtown i know u lying#even the wiki says that kl was hastily made and has a lot of flaws bc of that but oldtown doesn't bc they took time to build#even if i didn't rock with the hightowers like that id still pick oldtown over kl
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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...
#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him#jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene#in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs#it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress#silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable#i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be#surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her#not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really#anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended#reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand#her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her#maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them#idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure#and this couldn't have been avoided#talking tag#watching arcane#three weeks away still.... what now....
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everytime i watch shameless I get hit with a jolt of sickness and remember how frank and monica stole fionas life from her and she'll never get it back because it never existed because she was a sister first her whole life (from the age of 4) and everything else second and its always just so casual in the show and normal and rarely touched upon but it's not normal at all and it's tragic
#another post made at 2am that i found in the drafts#but my god its messed up how frank and monica got to live their own lives and how the kids got to have aspirations kinda but fiona was just#always stuck with the feeling of being stuck#cause she was forced to devote a largeee chunk of her life to servitude#its so unbelievably telling of frank and monicas innate selfishness above anything else imo :#their willingness to fulfil their mutual desire to extend the feeling of things such as youth and excitement and fun#to the point that they stripped their own daughter of the ability to experience childhood#education#etc#my memory is hazy but frank definitely was in college and i think monica was too? either way they both got to finish HS / experience it#but not fiona!!! its the opposite of parents sacrificing so their children can have more#they had more than fiona did and didnt give a shit about the fact that they just took from her#(obviously im not saying they had rosy perfect lives as kids teens and young adults— far from it actually)#(but its shockingly clear that they had a great deal more than fiona...or at least less on their plates...)#like when frank speaks of being a boy in college#its like.. these opportunities he threw away while fiona would've loved to have them but instead she had to drop out of HS#against her will#like yes its complicated but bottom line is its just sad how frank and monica were both afforded with control over their lives to a degree#while all of fionas life decisions carried the weight of her whole family and she didnt get to have independent control over her life#like for example she didnt drop out of HS cause she actually wanted to#she just didn't have any other choice
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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it
#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see#it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends#that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i#havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character#isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything#and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i#can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i#'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me#and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody#carrd so now i judt cant#i feel so broken right now#also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine#but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things#and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou#t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn#t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this#i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore#i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out#i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to#judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't#i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do#sorry
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My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭
they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃
#i cant even tell him cause hes gonna play again more “normally”#its so tragic he would like skip dialogue and just fight to get the jump on boss battles instead of waiting for the cutscenes to start#and he didn't exhaust dialogue trees!! like... how... why...#and also he staked Astarion 😭 and p much never reloaded#and didn't clear the shadow curse so no Halsin#also everyone at Last Light Inn died so Dammon was gone and Karlach only got 2 upgrades#and he didnt know moonrise towers was basically a second town#and his game was buggy a lot maybe? cause he kept trying to be hella creative with things and do things out of order#like killing gortash before doing steel watch 🙃#it's fine it's fine everyone plays differently#he tends to care more about gameplay than anything else but still!!#i just want him to know all the character backstories and see everything that made me emotional#i mean he did say he was sad when Lae'zel broke up with him in act 3 and when Karlach died and when he had Gale use the orb in act 2#which he considered his canon ending :/ sigh#i dont think he got Jaheira's lines about death#and he didnt understand why Karlach wouldn't go back to the hells#and he thought Wyll was happy being the duke (and has NO idea you could save his dad cause the mission didn't happen!! 😭)#the iron throne was like my fave mission outside of killing Cazador and I can't discuss either one cause he didn't do them properly yet 😭😭#he also avoided talking to children so he missed those quests and yenna glitched so no cat appeared in camp 🙃#sighhhhh cannot believe he plays so differently than i do lollll#he didn't even do unlimited kisses with Lae'zel!! meanwhile im over here kissing Astarion every night hahahah#hoping my partner doesn't see IRL if I have the office door open as if it matters lmfaooooo#i need him to play again and see why im in love with a video game character lol#maybe we could both um... benefit from knowing more about all of Astarion's scenes lmao#but like he has NOT SEEN Astarion's silly or sweet side yet just him being a bit of a chaotic vampire#and thinks i like him cause of vampires WRONG!! play the game again and see that i love his silly & sweet real self!#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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the 2001 planet of the apes is so good to me. like, the 1968 version will always have a special place in my heart because the makeup magic was... dare i say... very magical, but i liked how the 2001 one leaned into a more biologically accurate angle. like, those are straight up apes. no wonder humans aren’t speaking as a survival tactic, those things could hurt you without even trying. again, the 1968 one was so good and impressive but the fact that taylor could overpower the actors that were playing gorillas was a little jarring lol. which makes sense, cos so much of his escape plan relied on him being strong enough to push people out of the way.
this isn't a complaint btw! they're just people in costumes---they are still very much giving ape, but there wasn't much they could do about that on a physical level. so, when the 2001 had these big hulking gorillas and more accurate looking chimpanzee faces on the screen, i appreciated that detail about the humans exploiting their fear of the water. it leveled the playing field without making the fight against the apes look like a losing battle
#i do really love that u can still tell it's makeup though#i feel like people say that as an insult bc it apparently “takes them out of the story” but like. cmon#cgi or not they're not real apes either way#i explained this so horribly as per usual :(#but im just saying that those mfs---especially chimps---are STRONG#like if we wanna get technical the gorillas at the beginning had to have been making a conscious effort not to use ALL their strength#when they were hunting the humans in the 1968 movie#otherwise they prob just would have died/been severely injured by just being manhandled into their cages#i think the only hint of ape strength we got is when cornelius straight up murdered that mf just by whacking him in the head w a lunch tray#im no movie expert (far from it... i cant be trusted to analyze anything really) but i did rlly like the 2001 version for a lot of reasons#the first one obviously being what this post is about: addressing the natural strength advantage apes have. which is why they don't use gun#bc why even give humans a sliver of a chance to get the upper hand#also they officially addressed why they hate monkeys! i mean u could kinda assume why but the confirmation was nice lol#i lowk didn't understand how the apes rose in that movie like even tho it was weird in the 1968 version#at least they dedicated several movies to the concept#woah these tags got long! thank god for this sideblog cos im not even embarrassed about it#ah shoot i forgot to add actual tags!#planet of the apes#planet of the apes 2001
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i am. so fucking hurt right now.
#. he literally pretended to be my friend for nine months just to turn around and block me on everything. vent to my boyfriend about#how shitty I am. all the while I didn't even do fucking anything to him.#tell me I'm “downplaying” the situation of what I did. and at the same time#show a mutual friend of ours “what I did” behind my back. just to for that friend to agree that. I WASNT BEING RUDE#turns out hes been talking shit on me behind my back to my boyfriend this whole time. while acting like we're friends.#I confront him about something. he proceeds to flip out. curse at me. call me an asshole after I tell him something he did to hurt me.#and then he BLOCKS ME ON EVERYTHING#AND AFTERWARDS. TELLS MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND THAT IM HARD TO TALK TO. BECAUSE I EITHER GET HOSTILE OR SHUT DOWN.#WHEN IT WAS HIM DOING BOTH THOSE THINGS. AND ME TRYING TO HAVE A CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW HE HURT MY FEELINGS A WEEK PRIOR#AND IT MADE ME HAVE A TWO DAY MENTAL BREAKDOWN#AND ALL HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT *THAT* IS THAT I NEED TO WATCH WAY I SAY AND LEARN TO TAKE CRITICISM#I'm just so confused. I've been crying all day dude idk wtf I even did.#I couldnt even focus in class.#so uh. if you hear how shitty I am from marc. please let me know what exactly I even did to warrant this 😭#wtf man
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You ever look for a specific word/thing to describe a feeling you're having and think you've found it but as you look more into it it turns out it was a simular concept but very distinct from what you were looking for? And then when you try to be more specific everything that pulls up is still the same close but definitely not the same thing to describe it? I'm a stuck in a bit of a loop at the moment
#Been having this odd feeling of just. Nothing being real I guess. Or just me not being real or events not feeling real#I was trying to find a word for what I was experiencing and found 'Depersonalization' and 'Derealization'#(I think I spelled those correctly)#From a first glance the descriptions fit perfectly but as I read more in depth it. Didn't quite fit#It felt adjacent to the unreal feeling I've experienced but definitely not the same#It's like a different flavor#I don't feel detached to my surroundings and myself#I just. Don't feel very real. Or at least very human at least#I don't say that as in im something more than human or anything like that#More like something about me specifically just falls short of being one#And with the events thing it's more just like so much has happened and they've all been so bizarre that they just.#Don't feel real either!#Like yes I'm still experiencing them and being effected by them#But it feels more like the way dreams or over dramatic stories go if that makes since#I still haven't found the right words for these feelings. I hope I do eventually.#I feel like knowing what's causing it/what it is would help ground me more#Whatever it is those two words definitions/symptoms just don't feel right#Does this count as a vent?? I mean it not really a solely negative feeling#I do feel like it could be upsetting/unsettling to others and my come off as venty so I'll mark it as such just in case#tw vent
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i have this thing where sometimes i see a smooth surface (cgi is specifically bad for this) and some part of my brain goes. hey wouldnt it be fucked up if that was Flawlessly and Perfectly Smooth. and i go yeah that would be fucked up and proceed to have an anxiety attack over the concept of a really really really flat rock face or some shit like that
#howling#and then the other people in my brain MAKE FUN OF ME FOR IT#i dont get it either!!!!#like part of my obsession with deep water stems from a reoccurring. uh#it wasnt a nightmare or anything because i would be awake it was like. a vision. or hallucination i guess but idk if it was one for real#but it was like. a glass of water but the glass was perfectly smooth and the water was perfectly flat and didn't ripple#so all the sides were SUPER smooth#and it doesnt SOUND fucked up but the actual image itself was the scariest goddamn thing imaginable#i dont See It anymore (it used to be if i even THOUGHT about it it would show up)#but sometimes ill see something and i get the Water Glass Terror (tm) again without the actual water glass#all this to say that i watched the first episode of that ashoka show today#and in like the second scene she cuts holes in the ground with a lightsaber and it fucked me up a little bit#anyways the only reason why im sharing it is because there really isnt a pattern#on what smooth surfaces do or do not trigger the Water Glass Terror#and even then any given thing only works once#like even with cgi sometimes itll hit REALLY hard and other times? nothing#idk man im just still feeling it a little bit and want to get some of this shit off my chest#catch me oversharing on the oversharing webbed sight <3
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[hxh chapter 395 spoilers]
Sorry to be talking about hxh on main again after all these years but i’m going slightly insane after the last update. After years of writing about how i believed the Kurta clan has been murdered probably because of the D-Hunter book Sheila had given Kurapika (this post more or less have the outline of the theory in it), while at this point we didn’t know anything about Sheila, the last chapter just.
Showed that Sheila was a childhood friend of the Phantom Troupe???? That she was already reading the D-Hunter book then????
It’s not “theory confirmed” at all, at least not yet, but it’s at least setting pieces in a position that fits this theory again i’m going insane.
the other theory of the post i linked is also disproven this chapter re: regarding Sharlnark, but i don’t really care much about this part of the theory i linked, i’m just, only focusing on the book. I’ve been arguing for years that the Troupe must have attacked the village because of Sheila and the Book and the new chapter really just say “well, they DID know each other...? <3″ at me. Excuse me.
#ichablogging hxhmanga#the stuff i love are generally in big hiatus so my theories are always left on standby#and i always get a little shaken when years after i stopped caring real hard it just.#has the story comes back and go 'well you had a point bestie'#im having a moment hold on#ONCE AGAIN THO it doesn't confirm anything just yet#but it's not like the Kurta chapters made clear that Sheila knew the troupe????#i still remember one of the major argument that either the Kurta really stole something#OR that Pika's lost of control put the Kurta on the map (re Pika's survivor guilt)#and i was there like 'i connected two dots i connected two dots!!'#and instead of telling me i didn' tconnect shit the manga really went 'maybe? <3'#sorry im going to yell#also i didn't reread the theory when i linked it bc i'm busy rn and was literally reading the chap in between two things#why do i write so many long posts#i say as i write the most ungodly long tags to this post#goodness.#ichatalks about hxh#hxh spoilers#tho the new update seems to specifically mean 'don't take [lives] from us'#so did the Troupe think the Kurta killed Sheila perhaps? that oculd change things#anyway im not here to think about what details i had wrong or anything rn#i'm just thinking 'wait i can't BELIEVE SHEILA AND THE TROUPE ACTUALLY WERE DOTS TO CONNECT?'#having a moment.
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not someone commenting on tams to tell me to update taob. what if you fucked off forever
#the actual nerve of some people like it's bad enough getting those kinds of comments ON taob#bc obviously any comment along the lines of 'im literally begging you to update' is gonna piss the fuck out of a writer#BUT TO DO IT ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING FIC????? HAVE A HORRIBLE DAY#and the fact these people not only dont think they're doing anything wrong but think they're COMPLIMENTING ME#'i love your writing so much please update taob' IS NOT A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. LET ALONE ON A FIC THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO TAOB#WITH NO MENTION OF TAMS IN THE COMMENT EITHER. NO 'I REALLY LIKE THIS FIC. UPDATE TAOB' not that that would make it okay#but the utter audacity of it all is jarring. how are you gonna clearly have read tams and felt the need to comment#just to have NOTHING to say about it and tell me to update a different fic. actually fuck off#ending the comment with 'okay i love you' do you now. do you really. well it's unrequited babe. fuck off#you people make me mad sometimes istg#'hella why are you always so negative about taob's popularity' when i get something good out of it i'll let you know#edit: they left that comment on ch1 of tams which actually implies they didn't even read it which is somehow. worse#like they've clearly just clicked on it with no regard for the passion and effort i put into it seeing as it's a WHOLE SEPERATE FIC#and considered only that i might give the comment more attention if it was on tams not taob. what the actual fuck is the thought process#in what WORLD is someone taking that as a compliment. in what world am i gonna go 'omg writing it rn just for you bestie 🥺'#actually fuming about this idk why this one has got to me so much the utter CHEEK of it all has really knocked me sideways lmaooo
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i don't feel like studying any of the subjects from The Plan rn but everything else is so boring that i also don't want to waste time on like watching content or something and i would rather switch subjects then give up on studying for the day and by old me standards ive already done enough but new me i still feel like i can do more but i don't know what ughhhhh this is torture
#okay so The Plan is#i mean not that anyone would care or understand but i like writing on tumblr like a diary#The Plan is to finish law in one month so i can give the online test and this js non negotiable because there's two#online tests and i have to do ATLEAST one before this year ends or it will be too much#and then to finish my backlog of direct tax till like 10th so i can give that test and be caught up with the rest of the class#and there's about 35 more 2 hr lectures to go (rip me)#oh also i haven't touched audit in ages and backlog is getting to the i can't breathe under this burden levels and classes resume on like#10th 11th something and i want to rejoin with them#the plan is to have all this done by november so in December#i can focus on catching the fuck up with fr and afm because like ive attented SOME classes like sparingly#and i know it but very upar upar se so i have to do it properly once or ill die#yeah that's it that's The Plan#it's doable i think i calculated hours days wise and everything#but like. theory subjects are fucking hard to do constantly because either they're boring asf (like law and audit)#or they're complicated and make me cry from frustration (like direct tax)#mann.#now that im actually studying#i feel so irrationally scared for how chill and like. blaise attitude i had towards inter exam#i had absolutely no idea everyone else was studying so deeply like tax syllabus first half is the exact same as inter#just a little advanced and sir keeps saying ye toh aapne inter mein padha hi tha and im like hain??? bhai itna sab tha????? i had no clue😭#like how tf did i pass my dad says not to tell anyone that i didn't really study for it cause ppl will think#aise hi farzi ca finalist ban gayi but like tunblr so wtvr#but yeah how tf??? could i pass???????#like i actually start to panic when i think about how less i had studied which makes no sense since it's not like they can#take away the result or reverse it or anything it doesn't matter now#but like just woah. like i can't even explain#i remember for tax all i watchef was marathon and usme bhi i got bored (THE DAY BEFORE EXAM!!!) so i skipped#the main topics that had crazy weightage and just did a number of tiny topics and studied only enough#to get passing#dt irl is VAST i can't believe these people learn such specific things that if iss date se iss date mein hai toh section 54 ka exemption
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