#and then when there's an actual fandom event surrounding that

[lunanoc]

ngl it's pretty validating in a i told you so kind of way that has me snickering in a corner how gasp the crowd of people who insists they talk about and love p*ngxie to the point they actively try to publicly gaslight anyone who suggests otherwise does not, in fact, actually talk about p*ngxie because they'd rather talk about other things almost exclusively. pretends to be shocked

and for the record idc that they don't talk about it tbh i'm glad given the takes some of those people have lol i just wish they were honest about what they actually like instead of desperately trying to convince people they enjoy things they only like performatively. all that does is mislead people, end in disappointment, and make fandom spaces weird. don't do that

[zincbot]

ngl i love the naruto fic trend of 'kakashi goes back in time and has to try to fix everything'

[hanichani]

hii!! could u do a skz (preferably i.n or ot8) when they have an idol!so and they reveal their relationship??

hi anon!! i tried to make this kind of as realistic as possible but at the same time i feel like jyp would never let this happen so this is what i came up with😭

Pairing: ot8 x gn!idol!reader Genre: fluff, a tiny bit angsty i guess Warnings: none that i could think of, everyone's stressing Word count: 1,3k

i hope you like it <3 (sorry it took so long)

Channie

realistically, i don’t think chan would want to reveal the relationship up until after the peak of their career if ever. i feel like he’s just too tied down by all the responsibilities he has towards the company. but i also think that out of all of the other members he would do the best at consoling you if you ever wanted to go public and he told you no. he would feel so bad but it’s just something he knows he can’t risk. and a big part of why he wouldn’t do it is that he’s afraid you’d receive hate so he’s really just trying to protect you and your career.

if the relationship ever got leaked, boy would have to do so much damage control. even if it’s accepted by everyone and actually somehow boosts your careers and only has good outcomes. mans would be out there writing apology letters like “hi, this is stray kids’ bang chan and i’m so sorry i lied to you all about my relationship.” like it’s not his private business.

Lee know

lee know would throw in little quips and hints during things like skz code and stuff. do you know how he talked about the friend he went to japan with and said he was his boyfriend? he’d do that with you as well. pretend that he’s joking and when they’re all asked about your group he’d say “yea, we hung out once. they’re actually my partner now.” and then do the little :] smile. hannie would obviously throw in a little “what about me?” and then the whole mention about your relationship goes unnoticed. but he would try to slowly get there through hints.

if this relationship ever got leaked, he’d come over that same day with the biggest smile on his face. i feel like he’d genuinely be happy and i think someday, down the line, he’d confirm it on his own by sending a not the most flattering picture of you surrounded with his cats to bubble. for which you’d scold him later. 

Changbin

i feel like changbin would really want to tell EVERYONE. like, he’s so proud to be your boyfriend and he wants to tell the world. but he knows he can’t. he would also just mention you during skz talker and stuff. i think he’d show the camera a video of you doing a dance trend or something and be like “waaah, aren’t they so talented?” meanwhile in his head he’s also adding “and they’re all mine”.

he’s happy as well when the relationship gets leaked. is even happier that it happens around the time of your new comeback because now he can do your dance challenge with you and not feel weird about it. wouldn’t address it but in his next vlog, he tells the staff not to blur you out anymore. (which i know that they don’t really post vlogs anymore BUT BINNIE’S WERE MY FAVORITE AND I MISS THEM OKAY) 

Hyunjin

feel like hyune would be STRESSED when you first bring up the idea of going public. he’d tell you that he’ll think about it but is probably the most open to it. he’d have a meeting about it with the higher ups and you would too but it would be a while before they actually allowed you to do it. 

when it does happen, i think it would just be him posting pictures from a versace event and then the last picture would be the two of you together. your back pressed against his chest, his hand placed over your stomach and your hand reaching back to hold his face while looking at each other. you’d obviously be wearing your versace outfits and the caption would be something like “thank you donatella, me and my y/n enjoyed the event so much”. safe to say stays go crazy and your fandom does as well.

Jisung

i think hannie wouldn’t be comfortable revealing it but we all know boy has a big mouth. i think he’d just leak his own relationship tbh. yk how sometimes he just speaks poems about how he’s so fond of minho? one question asked about you and he’s spilling on air. “ah y/n? yeah, i’ve never met anyone as hard working… well, except for my members. yeah, they’re just so amazing and we match so well, you know. it was honestly like out of a fairytale. i mean, um… like… you know, like the friendship?” and then chan is jumping into the conversation and changing the topic, thank god for his leader. 

he’d be terrified after but you’re there to calm him down. at some point you get asked about it in an interview and you decide to just clear it up. “did you hear what stray kids’ han said about you the other day?” the interviewer asks. “ah yeah. adorable, wasn’t he? i have to say, it really was like out of a fairytale. it might sound corny but we just clicked so well, you know.” you smile and wave into the camera, mouthing a hi baby because you just know that he’s going to watch this interview the moment it comes out. (chan is beyond stressed because of you two)

Felix

lixie would love the idea of going public but he would be too scared of the consequences i think. feel like it would be similar to hyunjin because he would want you at all of his events and at some point the fans start to be like…hmm is it a coincidence that they always appear together at the same events. but obviously that’s not enough to just assume that you’re both dating.

at some point lix accidentally sends the wrong picture to bubble and it’s a picture where you’re cuddled together in bed and you’re kissing his cheek. he meant to send the one of him alone that he took when you went to the bathroom. he’s freaked out but then he just kind of accepts it and is happy because so much pressure has just been taken off his shoulders. the next picture of the two of you that appears on bubble is sent intentionally with a bunch of light blue hearts.

Seungmin

seungmin would absolutely NOT want to reveal the relationship. he has a reputation to uphold as the grumpy one. that’s what he says but really he’s just too scared of the reactions and feedback. he doesn’t mind getting hate, he feels used to that but he doesn’t want you to receive it. he’s also worried that people would put you down for dating him out of everyone else. this leads to you both having a looong conversation where he starts sobbing at some point because he does feel insecure but he never lets himself feel those things unless it’s with you.

this in turn makes him realize that you are very important to him and now he’s even more conflicted. should he tell everyone that you’re his or should he work even harder to protect your relationship. in the end, he decides to let you make the decision. he’s happy with whatever you choose as long as you’re by his side.

Jeongin

i think innie would actually be the one to bring this up with you. after they all get their instagrams, hyunjin gets his piercing and the company lets more loose in general, he feels that it could go through. so he brings it up with jyp and gets the green light (which is not realistic at all but let’s pretend for the sake of this drabble).

i know that innie doesn’t do the ootd posts anymore but i think it would be so cute if he revealed it through that. he would post an ootd post and then on some of the pictures you’re there as well. just a power couple posing together. and then also, some of the more observing fans would notice that hey, isn’t that innie’s shirt that y/n was wearing in their new post. and hey isn’t that the same bag that y/n has in jeongin’s new post? it’d just be really cute because you’d both be so excited about it and flaunting it. 

a/n: requests are open by the way!!!

[tossawary]

I was thinking about Fandom's Darlings recently because I encountered another case of "Yes, Your Ship Has Become Canon But At What Cost???" in the wild. Which is a mouthful, but I don't have a snappier name for these events in fandom yet.

It's when two characters get together in a story, but... their characterizations get destroyed in the process because the writers apparently 1) can't write solid romance (it's a specific skill!) and 2) also can't fit that romance into the broader story. Often, all of the supporting characters surrounding this shiny couple will ALSO suffer severe characterization damage to make this romance happen. And sometimes the larger plot and even the worldbuilding will also take hard structural hits so the story can focus on this GREAT PASSION that frankly just isn't... executed well.

Like, if a ship I dislike becomes canon, that's one thing, but if the writing for it isn't even semi-competent, that's worse!!! And the really insufferable part is actually the shippers who are not only popping bottles because their ship went canon, but will mock everyone who complains about the bad writing (or tries to earnestly analyze why exactly this conclusion sucks) as "bitter sore losers". I mean, the characters you profess to love have been turned into empty shells of themselves, the canonical partnership here is about as shallow as a puddle, and the integrity of this entire fictional world is on fire, but sure, you "won" this ship war. Congrats.

There is nothing else to do but move on, it's definitely not worth getting into it with anyone. But it REALLY sucks if you actually liked either of the characters involved or maybe even liked the ship itself, because then it's like... "I have been given an enormous cake, but it has been Poisoned. I cannot eat this, for I would choke on it. I have been Betrayed In A Fashion Most Vile." But everyone still sitting at the table tells you that you ought to be happy! At least you got some cake!

[caribbean1989]

Stage Fright - a Baby Lasagna fanfiction

Who: Marko Purisic / Baby Lasagna Request: maybe smt where you work for esc and marko has a panic attack before going on the stage and your there for him calming him down and stuff. just angsty with lots of comfort. Requested by: anonymous. Word count: 2010 Warnings: contains descriptions of panic attack / anxiety / stage fright. Lots of angst, but also some comfort 😇

A/N: I usually write footballer imagines and fandom whump, so writing something like this is quite new to me. Hope you'll like it, let me know what you think of it 😇 If you want me to write more like this, you can always make a request through my Asks 😉

This story can also be found on my AO3 account, here. For more information on my Baby Lasagna fanfics, see this masterpost.

At your job working backstage at concerts and events, you were one of the people making sure everything went smoothly backstage, and that the performers had all they needed. This month you would be working at the Eurovision Song Contest. 

Today was the biggest day of all: the final.  You felt confident. Everything had been rehearsed endlessly, the semi-finals had already gone well, and you had built up a good relationship with most of the performers and their entourages. 

It was a nice group of artists this year, but one still was your personal favourite: Baby Lasagna. At first you were drawn to the Croatian candidate because of the rather unusual name, but you quickly learned he went by Marko off-stage, and was somewhat different from the other participants. He was a flamboyant personality on-stage, which proved to be the complete opposite of how his personality was off-stage. 

You didn’t need long to see Marko was actually rather shy, could be very insecure, and was humble and polite. There was a cheeky side to him as well once you got to know him better. You liked that about him, and, without actively trying to, you already formed a rather close friendship with him in only this short time of working together. 

That was why you immediately knew something was wrong when you found Marko sitting alone on the day of the final, huddled away from everything and everyone.  He sat amongst crates of sound equipment, on the floor, in a dark corner of the backstage maze, hugging his knees. His hands were clamped so tightly around his legs that his fingers had turned white, and he trembled like a leaf in the wind.  Marko had chosen a spot far from the foot traffic from and to the stage, hidden even from his own entourage, and it was a small miracle that you stumbled upon him like you had. 

"Marko?" You lowered yourself onto your haunches in front of him, but mindful to keep enough distance between yourselves so not to frighten him or make him feel more uncomfortable.

He looked disheveled, only vaguely aware of his surroundings, and surely not in control of his emotions.  In this moment he was not the extroverted Baby Lasagna, he was introverted Marko. The eccentric costume he wore on stage was replaced by regular jeans and a black hoodie. The make-up wasn’t applied yet, which might be a good thing, because you saw the tears on his face. The haunted look in his eyes scared you, worrying you even more about his well-being. 

Suddenly your mind went to a line from the song he was performing with here this week. 

My anxiety attacks.

Whilst Rim Tim Tagi Dim had people dancing all over the world, you couldn’t help but notice its darker meaning, too. And it clicked into place for you now. That line about anxiety wasn’t just a line. It actually held truth for Marko, and the proof of that was right in front of your eyes with him having a serious panic attack. 

"Marko?" You repeated softly.  His gaze flickered to you, but he didn’t acknowledge your presence in any other way.  "I need you to talk to me," you nudged carefully.  Marko swallowed hard. He made every effort to get himself to speak, but couldn’t. The words he meant to say got involuntarily silenced on their way to his mouth, and, finally, he just sadly shook his head. Fresh tears fell as he rested his forehead on his knees, shrinking even more into himself. 

Your heart broke for him. It was hard to believe you only met him a week and a half ago, with how much you already cared for him. 

Marko shivered in his hoodie. His breaths became even more rapid and shallow, accompanied by the occasional wheeze or whimper. He was losing more and more control over himself with every heartbeat of his racing pulse. Where first maybe only his hands had shook, there now wasn’t a muscle in his body that wasn’t shaking. He raised his head and looked up at you again, this time really seeing you. 

Marko’s lower lip trembled, and it took effort, but finally he got some words out. "Help me…" "I’m trying," you answered helplessly. You wanted nothing more than to help him, take him out of this panic attack, but you really had no idea where to begin. "Do you need me to bring someone from your team over?" "No!" Marko nearly jumped a foot into the air at the mere idea of that. "They don’t need to see me like this. I’m a mess, I…" "Calm down, calm down," you tried to ease. "We can do this. You and I, we can get you through this."

Having suffered from panic attacks yourself, you suddenly remembered what your sister used to do for you to get you to calm down. "Marko." You got his attention. "I want to try something to help you calm down. Are you okay with me touching you?" He still was in the height of his panic attack, with fear wild in his eyes, but he still nodded his head. He wasn’t sure what you had in mind, but he trusted you.

You scooted closer to him, fully sitting down on the floor by his side. Marko trembled heavier than ever and he was truly hyperventilating now. Tears sparkled in his eyes, but he gave in to you. He wanted for you to offer comfort and take him out of this anxiety. 

"Close your eyes," you said softly.  Marko hesitated for just a second, but slowly closed his eyes. He didn’t know you for that long, yet you felt secure and safe to him. "Whenever you’re no longer comfortable with anything I’m doing, you need to tell me," you insisted, "and I’ll stop immediately." Marko gave you a strained nod, but he surrendered to you. 

You moved slowly, making sure not to make any unexpected movements which would cause Marko any more fright.  You placed one of your hands flat on his chest. Only now you realised how heavy this panic attack actually was for him. His chest heaved and trembled under your hand, and now that you were closer to him, you heard the whimpers that were hidden in the wheezes of his breathing.  With your other hand you picked up his wrist, gently pressing two fingers against the pulse point. As you had expected, his heart was racing. 

"I need you to focus on my hand on your chest." You kept your voice as calm and serene as possible. Marko dipped his head once, eyes still firmly pressed shut.  "Whenever I press into your chest, I need you to breathe in through your nose, and try and press my hand away with your chest," you instructed, "when I release the pressure, you exhale slowly through your mouth." Marko wanted to speak, show you he had understood, but he found his words once again stolen from him by the panic attack. Instead, he dipped his head once again, but it was all the confirmation you needed. 

You slowly and gently pressed the palm of your hand a little firmer into his chest.  Marko took a shaky breath. He did his best to get his lungs to fill properly and get his chest to give counter-pressure against your hand, but couldn’t quite manage.  "It’s alright," you eased him, "take your time. Just focus on the rhythm of the pressure of my hand and try to breathe with that." You felt how Marko was really trying to, but also how he wasn’t succeeding yet. His inhales were broken by shudders, and his exhales disrupted by sudden and involuntary gulps.  "That’s it," you encouraged anyway, "easy does it."

Your hand never left his chest as you gently applied pressure and released it, with Marko doing his utmost best to get his breathing to fall in sync with it. You spoke soft encouragements, yet the silent moments in between were filled with Marko’s quiet whimpers.  It didn’t matter to you how long it would take, you would help Marko through this. 

---

Eventually, you sat with Marko like that for well over 30 minutes. There was no reason to rush anything. Soundchecks for the grand finale of tonight wouldn’t be starting for another few hours, so you gave him all the time he needed to pull himself out of this panic attack.

Marko’s pulse had returned to a regular, calm rhythm, as had his breathing. His trembling had subsided, but he sat beside you looking worn out from everything he had just gone through. 

You gently let your hand fall away from Marko’s chest for the first time again. You kept a close eye on him, but he was able to keep his breaths calm by himself now. "Open your eyes," you said softly. Marko slowly did so. Even though the area where you sat was dimly lit, he still squinted at the light. He ran slightly trembling fingers through his silvery hair, before he finally looked up at you sitting next to him. 

"I’m sorry about that." Marko sounded tired. "No need to apologise." You shook your head. "May I ask what happened?" "This happened." Marko chuckled wryly, motioning his hands to the area around you. "I’ve never performed at an event of this magnitude before. And… well, my stage fright took the better of me, I guess. It does that sometimes."

The airiness with which he spoke of his stage fright was pitiful, almost like it was the most common thing in the world for him. "But it doesn’t often get this bad, I reckon," you said sympathetically.  "No." Marko sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair once more. "It doesn’t usually lead to a full-blown panic attack, and certainly not like this one, but, apparently, big stages lead to big anxiety." A dark chuckle followed. "That’s not even remotely funny," you scoffed. Marko gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I’m used to it by now."

He shifted his body, grunting softly as he stretched his cramped legs out in front of him. He leaned his head back against one of the crates behind him and glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. 

"But what you did really helped me." He spoke after a few seconds of silence. "I’m not quite sure I would have gotten through this one on my own, so I’m really grateful." You shrugged. "I’ve got a bit of experience with panic attacks as well, I’m afraid. So I know how bad they can get."

Marko’s gaze slowly shifted back to you. "Yourself or helping someone deal with it?" "Myself, unfortunately." You sat back into a more comfortable position, too. "Some events in life leave more scars than you can imagine," you added darkly.  "I’m sorry." Marko shortly rested a hand on your arm in support.  "What I just did with you, my sister used to do that for me whenever my anxiety flared up," you explained, "it always helped me through it, so…" You let your voice trail off.  "Well, tell her it’s a good technique." Marko winked lazily. "And I’m glad you’re the one who found me just now. Thank you." The sincere thankfulness was in his voice and in every fibre of his being. 

The two of you talked for a while longer, before Marko slowly hoisted himself back onto his feet. He looked steady again, ready to go, and a glimpse of the extroverted Baby Lasagna shone through the cracks again. 

"Will you be alright?" You stood back up, too.  "Yes." Marko nodded confidently. "I know it sounds strange, especially after what you’ve seen just now, but it feels like I needed to get this out of my system in order to be ready for tonight." You chuckled, glad to see the sparkle of joy back in his eyes, instead of the sparkle of tears and panic. "Come see me if anything threatens to overwhelm you again." Marko nodded gratefully. "I sure will."

[testrella]

bottle services ceo! g.satoru x waitress! reader ๋࣭ ⭑

synopsis: in which satoru finds himself requesting the same waitress for bottle service. his eyes are on you, and only you. fandom: jujutsu kaisen ⌗ rich / ceo / playboy g.satoru x waitress reader ⌗ modern au content warnings: mild cursing (like one curse word), drinking, usage of alcohol, mentions of age gap, SFW.

as bright colored lights shined all over the place, painting a vivid and lucid vision on the club’s tile floors, gojo is surrounded by his elite associates in the VIP booth. with only the snap of his hand, the waiters immediately send out bottles of the finest champagne in japan along with beautiful chiseled ice.

“i have to say gojo, going out with you is like entering a new world. you’re almost like the modern day gatsby!”

the men surrounding him all chuckle in agreement with the man. it was the pure truth. anyone who partied with gojo or attended one of his many events, left with a new perspective, a new meaning of life, and as changed person.

he poured himself a glass in the dimly lit room, and watched the golden bubbles form to the top. with the flashing lights and the bass banging in his ear, his eyes finally met yours.

gojo’s gaze was drawn to you the moment you entered with more champagne. he watched as you balanced two bottles of champagne and multiple glasses on one tray with ease.

your name was y/n, he knew that already. he knew that you worked within the bottle services and has sought after your service anytime he visited the club. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for high elites to request for attractive women to attend them, it was nothing you hadn’t seen before.

for you, it was normal. for gojo, it was an attempt to make a lasting impression on you.

“miss. y/n! it’s so lovely to see you again, how are you doing?” gojo smiled with a very wide, toothy grin. it was clear he was one bottle of champagne deep.

“i’m doing great, how are you doing?”

you placed down the tray and watched as all the men gathered to get their greedy hands on the drinks.

“i’m ok, i’ll feel better if you accompany me tonight. c’mon y/n, spend the rest of your shift with me.”

“i’m flattered mr. gojo but i do have a job to do.”

he watched as your figure turned and walked away from his booth. disappointment creeps onto him as he realized you once again rejected his advances.

as the night unfolded, gojo found himself stealing glances at you whenever you passed by his booth. he’d smile your way, waving slightly, like a child would do to a kind stranger. when you smiled and waved back, his face was full of joy and he’d giggle alongside his associates.

“she’s a fine piece of work. you’ve got great taste in women.”

“i agree but she’s a little young for all of us no?”

gojo was only a few years older than you unlike his elite associates. they continue to banter about you and their interest become stronger.

“how long is it going to take gojo to realize that she’s just another club crush that comes and goes?” one said.

with a nervous pit in his stomach, he mustered the courage to call you over again. gojo watches you summon your presence with a hesitate smile.

“y/nnnnn, h-how about i get your numberrrr and we can talk when i’m not s-shit faced?” his words were slurred and fumbled a bit.

gojo wanted to prove a point to not only his friends but to himself. to prove that something good can actually happen between the two of you.

your eyes widen and taken aback from his sudden request as your cheeks were tainted with a pinkish undertone. you glance back at your manager who was standing behind the bar. the constant flickered lights and the loud music echoing in your ears made it worse for you to think about it.

“gojo i.. i really appreciate the offer, really! but..” you started with a gentle and apologetic tone. “but don’t you think it’s a little unprofessional? i shouldn’t be giving my number out to customers, i hope you understand.”

gojo felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. a wave of nausea made its way into his mouth while a disappointed expression formed on his face.

he offers a polite smile before speaking, “no yeah, i understand. i was just hoping we could keep in touch outside of the club.”

suddenly the infamous playboy and CEO of the gojo company had felt shame rise in him. all the kind words and playful conversations between the two of you was simply you trying to do your job. he continues the night drinking his feelings away.

despite the rejection and trying to keep up your professionalism, you found yourself unable to shake the conversation out your head. gojo satoru was a loyal client of yours who always requested your presence. it was obvious to anybody that he was simply another client who crushed on the kind waitress.

yet you found yourself making a bold decision. with your heart beating out your chest and a tingling feeling inside your stomach, you smiled softly at gojo. you disappeared behind the bar before finding a pen and paper.

you were given the chance to give your number to one of japan’s most sought after bachelors. who were you to say no?

your pulse raced as you found the opportunity to slip the note into his jacket without anybody’s knowledge. it was an opportunity of a lifetime.

later that night, gojo found himself alone in a hotel room. his head was spinning and regretting drinking that much in the first place. he reached into his pocket to take out his phone only to find a pleasant surprise.

a small piece of paper.

gojo unfolded the unexpected piece of paper curiously, revealing your handwritten phone number on the note.

a smile quickly spread across gojo’s face once he realized he got what he wanted. with a rush of adrenaline going through his body, he quickly texts the number.

+81 ## ### ### hey it’s satoru are you free next weekend?

author's note; reuploaded bc it flopped the first time..

[skepticalcatfrog]

Kerch, Ghezenism, and the Van Eck Family

The title pretty much sums it up. This is a rather extensive analysis, and to be honest with you all it is 2,500+ words. So get into this absolute beast at your own risk!

~~~

From my experience in this fandom, I've seen it discussed very frequently how important religion is in the Grishaverse. Not only is it very deeply developed, to the point where many of the different countries have unique beliefs - which I'm not sure is seen very often in newer literature - but the various religious systems are also deeply important to many major characters, such as Matthias and Inej. However, one aspect of Grishaverse religions that seems to be overlooked somewhat often is the Kerch religion of Ghezenism. This may just be me, but I have a lot of thoughts on it. A big reason for that is that Wylan is, and always has been, my favorite character, and the culture surrounding Ghezen is actually a very important part of his character for many reasons. When you look into it in the way that I have, you discover that there are a lot of peculiar aspects of Ghezenism that make it stand out, as well as many ties that it has to major aspects of the story.

Right away, one thing that makes Kerch religion different from the others is how deeply connected to the economy it is. So much so that a lot of aspects of the two subjects are one and the same. Given that Ketterdam is a city largely fueled by commerce, it makes sense that Ghezenism would heavily tie into Kerch culture as well. Symbols of Ghezen can be found in many places throughout the city, even beyond the Church of Barter. A very good example of this is Vellgeluk, the island where the Crows meet Van Eck expecting to get their reward from the Ice Court heist: “Smugglers called it Vellgeluk, “good luck,” because of the paintings still visible around the base of what would have been the obelisk tower: golden circles meant to represent coins, symbols of favor from Ghezen, the god of industry and commerce,” (Six of Crows, Chapter 44). This just goes to show how many people in Ketterdam, and the wider country of Kerch as well, put their faith in Ghezen. Vellgeluk is a chosen place for smugglers to do business, specifically because favors of Ghezen are still present there. 

Another interesting part of that passage is the fact that Ghezen is referred to as the god of industry and commerce. Kerch may have other gods, but as far as I can remember - and I may be wrong, but I don't think I am - we never hear about any of them. A similar situation can be found in Fjerda, where Djel is specifically the god of life, implying the existence of other gods. In Fjerda, it is very clear that Djel is mainly what they base their culture and belief system around. This makes perfect sense for a god of life, but isn't Ketterdam’s situation a bit more unusual? The most frequently discussed god, Ghezen, represents industry. We can assume Ghezen is the primary god within the Kerch religious system. Not to mention that their largest church is called the Church of Barter, barter obviously being a term that has much to do with economics. Ketterdam, if not the entire country of Kerch, seems to have no real concept of the separation of church and state. They quite literally hold auctions inside of the church; the auctioning of Kuwei is not a singular event.

The impacts of religion can also be seen in the culture and behavior of the people of Kerch, as seen in a brief section of Crooked Kingdom. “Kerch women—even the wealthy ones—didn’t bother with anything as frivolous as embroidery or needlepoint. Ghezen was better served by tasks that benefited the household,” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 14). Obviously, things like this are much more typical of religion. But I would argue that even this holds traces of the same values expressed by the connection between Ghezenism and the economy. It is specifically mentioned here that Kerch women are encouraged to participate in tasks that will “benefit the household”. This displays one of the very prominent aspects of the Ghezenite religion, which is that one of the most important things a person can do is be productive, and create a prosperous life for themselves and their family.

In addition to direct ties between Ghezenism and the Kerch economy, occasionally the legal system is put into the mix as well. While considering what consequences his father might face after the events of the auction, Wylan reveals this piece of information: “Knowingly entering into a false contract for the purpose of subverting the market wasn’t just illegal, it was considered blasphemy, a blight on the works of Ghezen, and the penalties were harsh,” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 41). Essentially what he means by this is that not only is tampering with the economy against the law, but it is also heavily frowned upon in a religious sense, and anyone who does so will face punishment from both sides. This is extremely unique, even within the Grishaverse. This single sentence also reveals another very interesting thing about Kerch society. The market, as it exists in Ketterdam, is believed to be a creation of god - it is referred to here as being a part of the “works of Ghezen”. That, more than anything, is concrete proof of just how interconnected the economy of Kerch is with its primary religion. This also means that committing a crime such as Van Eck did isn't simply illegal (which we can assume he has no issues with), it is also an act that goes against his own religion. But stop to consider for a moment: does he really have a problem with that either?

There are numerous examples throughout both books of Van Eck blatantly abusing the values of his own religion. On its own, the teachings of Ghezenism aren't inherently bad. After all, things such as tampering with the market for your own gain are actively discouraged using the threat of blasphemy, which I'd say is generally beneficial. The issue, however, arises when Van Eck in particular attempts to twist some of these values in order to justify his own actions. If there is one single quote from the duology that exemplifies this, it would be this one: “Ghezen shows his favor to those who are deserving, to those who build cities, not the rats who eat away at their foundations. He has blessed me and my dealings. You will perish, and I will prosper. That is Ghezen’s will,” (Six of Crows, Chapter 45). Van Eck openly believes that, since he is a member of the upper class, he is somehow more deserving of a blessing. He is insistent that “Ghezen's will”, or what he interprets as what Ghezen wishes for him to do, is to trample others in order to further his own success. 

It doesn't matter to him who stands in his way, and it never will, because his goal is only to make himself more wealthy; he simply hides this behind a thin veil of piety. This motivation is especially clear when he is speaking to Inej while he is holding her captive. “When I leave this world, the greatest shipping empire ever known will remain, an engine of wealth, a tribute to Ghezen and a sign of his favor. Who will remember a girl like you, Miss Ghafa? What will you and Kaz Brekker leave behind but corpses to be burned on the Reaper’s Barge?” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 7). He frames people less fortunate than him - in this case Kaz and Inej - as forgettable and unimportant. The only thing he considers truly important is wealth, which he equates to power. He even references Ghezen here, claiming again that all of his actions, as well as his empire and legacy, are meant to show his dedication to his religion. He also claims that his ability to attain this level of success is a sign that Ghezen favors him. That in particular is a display of his extremely warped view of Ghezenism. The truth is that his success can only be attributed to his unethical actions, but the fact that he claims it is due to Ghezen's favor means that he will never be able to be convinced that he is wrong. He has what he believes to be an airtight justification.

His classism is also extremely evident, while indirectly, in an exchange between Kaz and Wylan earlier on in Crooked Kingdom. ““Your father much for charity?” “No. He tithes to Ghezen, but he says charity robs men of the chance at honest labor,”” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 2). This shows that Van Eck is very protective over his wealth. Which, quite frankly, is more likely than not the exact opposite of what Ghezenism is intended to promote. Based on what we are shown from an outside perspective, it seems as though one of the main aspects of Ghezenism is to create a prosperous economy for everyone. However, what Van Eck seems to believe is that he is intended to simply accumulate as much wealth as he possibly can, and keep it all for himself.

It is incredibly clear that Van Eck doesn't care about the well-being of anyone other than himself when it comes down to it. It could be argued that he cares for Alys, and will care for their child when it is born, but this simply cannot be proven. Just look at the exact mirror of this situation: Marya and Wylan. Wylan states about his parents, “I think he really loved her. They fought all the time, sometimes about me, but I remember them laughing a lot together too,” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 14). If we are to believe that this is true, and Van Eck truly did love Marya, that doesn't change the fact that he didn't hesitate to send her away as soon as he discovered that Wylan couldn't read or write. There is no evidence to say that he wouldn't do the same to Alys, under similar circumstances. 

And, of course, this all leads back to the matter of Wylan. When Van Eck decided that Wylan wouldn't be useful to him, he stopped caring about him very quickly. Near the end of Six of Crows, we hear more of the specifics on Van Eck's opinion of Wylan. “I have hired the best tutors from every corner of the world. I’ve tried specialists, tonics, beatings, hypnotism. But he refused to be taught. I finally had to accept that Ghezen saw fit to curse me with a moron for a child. Wylan is a boy who will never grow to be a man. He is a disgrace to my house,” (Six of Crows, Chapter 45). Van Eck believes that Wylan is a curse from Ghezen, purely because he thinks that Wylan will be incapable of producing profits for their business. This is perhaps one of the most egregious examples of his blatant abuse of his own religion, because he is entirely willing to abandon and even murder his own son in order to fulfill his goals, which he claims is all Ghezen's will.

There is no feasible way Wylan would be able to grow up being raised by Van Eck, and not be affected by his religious ideas in some way. In fact, there is evidence contained in the text that proves this rather thoroughly. There are even certain things that have already been cited within this analysis that can be circled back to, such as the quote just above. This quote exemplifies the sort of treatment Wylan was subjected to while growing up. This is mostly speculation, but it's safe to assume he was told at a very young age that his own father considered him a punishment from god. That is objectively terrible, and we know that by the age of eight his father was his only parent. The psychological impacts that that would have on a child that young are unimaginable. 

Additionally, we can return to this quote from Crooked Kingdom: “When I leave this world, the greatest shipping empire ever known will remain, an engine of wealth, a tribute to Ghezen and a sign of his favor. Who will remember a girl like you, Miss Ghafa? What will you and Kaz Brekker leave behind but corpses to be burned on the Reaper’s Barge?” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 7). While Van Eck is not talking to Wylan here, and Wylan isn't even present at the time, this passage still indirectly displays Van Eck's feelings about Wylan. Here he is expressing the fact that he maintains that if a person is not able to create wealth and prosperity for themselves, they are essentially useless. As we know from the previous example, he believes this of Wylan as well.

It is evident that Wylan was taught Ghezenite values from a young age. While examining the exterior of the Church of Barter, his thoughts include this: “He didn’t need to be able to read the words engraved over the arch. He’d heard his father repeat them countless times. Enjent, Voorhent, Almhent. Industry, Integrity, Prosperity,” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 31). This is confirmation that Van Eck frequently encouraged Wylan to think about these values, and it can be inferred that it likely wasn't in a particularly positive manner. Industry, integrity, and prosperity are clearly the three main ideals of this religion, and we can easily be led to the conclusion that Van Eck is certain his son is capable of none of them.

It is also suggested that Wylan may even associate his father's disapproval with religion subconsciously as well. A good example of this is in Crooked Kingdom, after Wylan is taken to the Church of Barter. “Van Eck shook his head. “Every time I think you cannot disappoint me further, you prove me wrong.” They were in a small chapel topped by a dome. The oil paintings on the wall featured battle scenes and piles of armaments,” (Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 31). While this is also simply meant to provide the reader with a description of the environment, the juxtaposition between the two halves of this passage cannot be an accident. What we can observe here is that after Van Eck once again expresses his ever-present disappointment with Wylan, emphasis is immediately put on the fact that they are in the church. This, along with the other passages listed, creates a clear link between Wylan's negative relationship with his father and the effects that their shared religion has had on it.

What I consider to be one of the most important quotes for this subject, despite also being the shortest one used, comes near the end of Six of Crows. After Wylan has played his role in foiling Van Eck's plan to trick the Crows, he says this: “Maybe you can pray to Ghezen for understanding, Father,” (Six of Crows, Chapter 45). This is sort of the first act of retribution that the reader sees from Wylan. He has just made his father look like a fool, and then he practically spits in his face by taking the thing that was used against him for so long - their religion - and using it against his father instead. Not only is this moment incredibly satisfying, it also marks the beginning of Wylan's growth as a character that eventually leads to him being able to stand up to his father in more ways.

Despite being arguably the least explored Grishaverse religion in online spaces, I find Ghezenism to be extremely interesting when it comes to the ways it ties into the themes of the story. It represents wider, more general themes found throughout the book, such as the idea that people often value their own success over the well-being of others, but it contains even more when examined under a closer lens. It opens the door to a completely new aspect of further analyzing the relationship between Wylan and his father, and introduces vital elements of in-depth characterization for both of them. The way Wylan and Van Eck each view the same religion is highly indicative of their individual values, and that is a very interesting thing to expand upon. It simply goes to show just how much thought went into creating both the culture of this world, and the characters who live within it.

[masterjedilenawrites]

Take Me Out

Bad Batch x Reader Exchange 2024

Crosshair x fem!reader | 4.7k words

Content: drinking, light angst, introspection, fluff, light humor, crushes, relationships, friendship, mentions of war and death, weapons (practice setting)

Prompts: "What am I even looking for?" - "I don't know" & "Sometimes I think some work on your communication skills wouldn't be such a bad idea."

My gift is for the event host - @ghostofskywalker! I was so excited to draw your name and I really hope you enjoy the fic. You put so much work and care into hosting these events for the fandom, it really is appreciated 🤗

I've actually had this story concept in mind for quite a while. I love that pretty much all of your prompts/wish-list items were able to fit in! We've got some platonic Hunter, romantic Crosshair, a little angst, a bit of fluff... Perfect!

Oh, and to keep things spoiler free (on my blog and for the event), this takes place before Order 66 and Omega.

Please go check out the @cloneficgiftexchange blog for all the other contributions to this great event! Fics are being posted all throughout today (4/13/24). Spread the love for fandom writers/creators by reblogging!

Vandor-3. Clone training facility: recreation sector. Winter.

You sat slumped over the bar, a drink cradled in your arms. You took lazy sips at the liquid, long past its effervescence, in between chewing on the straw. You could smell the evidence of your waning hygiene, being curled in on yourself like this. It disgusted you but not enough to do anything beyond self loathing. To say you were miserable was an understatement.

"Morning, Captain. A bit early for a drink, isn't it?"

The husky voice of the bar's newcomer was unmistakeable in who it belonged to. There were clones abound on this small moon, hundreds of identical-sounding men. But every once in a while you had the pleasure of hearing the one that was different.

You sluggishly swiveled your head and gave Sergeant Hunter a mock salute. He leaned against the bar beside you, seemingly torn between being amused and concerned by what he was seeing.

"Back so soon?" you asked, ignoring his own question. Though your speech wasn't slurred, your voice still betrayed some of the numbness you were working to surround yourself in. Which helped your friend make up his mind on how to feel.

"Easy mission," Hunter shrugged off the topic. "You okay? Did something happen?"

"No," you sighed and forced yourself to sit upright. Best to appear more in control and not give him reason to drag you to the med bay. "That's the problem. Nothing's happened."

Hunter frowned and slid onto the barstool next to you. You caught a whiff of soap as he did, a harsh contrast to your own odor that made you even more upset.

"I don't understand."

Your hands cupped around your glass, condensation pooling around your fingers, and you stared at the melting ice wishing to be as frozen and unfeeling.

"I don't understand, either," you whispered. "Why I'm still so... alone."

"Ah." Hunter placed a sympathetic hand on your shoulder. "That's right, you had that date you were going on. Another dud, then?"

You nodded, still refusing to look away from the ice cubes.

He hummed in thought. Your poor friend. How many times had he now had to come up with some sort of reassuring comment after another one of your failed attempts to find love? At least you were grateful you had such a friend, though. Where others would have made you feel guilty for admitting to loneliness, would have insisted they were company enough and all you had to do was ask for it, it's as simple as that, how dare you feel lonely when you aren't actually alone... Hunter was the one who always saw through to what you really meant. You were not what the other wanted, but you were both wanting, craving that kind of deep, romantic connection that seemed to allude you both. For Hunter, it was obviously his schedule that got in his way. For you... well, that was the mystery.

"You have to keep looking," was the sentiment Hunter settled on this time. He rubbed at your shoulder a bit, as if trying to smooth out your misery.

You huffed. His attempts to comfort were sweet, but not enough. You couldn't help but protest. "But with everyone I meet, I just find out what I don't want. What am I even looking for?"

"I don't know," Hunter shook his head sadly. "I don't know if anyone knows until they find it."

You groaned and slumped back forward, facepalming the bar top and wishing you could sink right into it. Sink down, down, down until you disappeared completely.

"Sorry, Cap," Hunter's now muffled voice attempted to chuckle, lighten the mood. "If I could track down your soul mate, I would. You know I would."

That comment was sweet enough. You forced yourself to stop sinking, lift yourself up again, and face your friend properly.

"I know. And I appreciate that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a bummer today. It's just... it's been getting harder, is all."

He nodded and you nodded back and nothing further needed to be understood on the matter.

"Were you needing something from me?" you changed the subject. "Or did you come to day drink as well?"

"Ha, ha." Hunter started to get up. "Yeah no, I just wanted to let you know we were back for a few rotations, see if you'd have some time to finally come out and meet the boys."

You lifted up your glass and shook it a bit. "You're too late, I'm afraid. If I'd known you'd be back so soon, I wouldn't have started on this journey of self destruction."

Hunter titled his head at you, some of that trademark concern still showing. "This isn't going to be an all week thing, is it?"

You shrugged. Truthfully, you had no idea what to do with yourself. Making decisions even a day in advance seemed like too big of a commitment in your fragile state.

"I'd rather not meet any more new people right now, if it's all the same to you."

"I wouldn't consider them new. You've heard enough stories about each other by now. It's starting to get weird that you're not meeting, quite frankly."

You wanted to laugh, but the thought of introductions, stiff pleasantries, awkward small talk... It reminded you of every first date that never turned into a second, every dating app chat thread that went nowhere, every high hope you watched turn into disappointment. Even with a group like Hunter's brothers, the Bad Batch, with a reputation of being unconventional, who you'd only be making friends with just like you had with Hunter and every other clone on this moon... it was still too much for you to stomach.

"Sorry, maybe next time."

Hunter frowned, but he didn't overstep. "Suit yourself. Door's still open though. You know where to find us."

He made to walk out but paused to turn back to you for a moment.

"And hey, don't lose hope. We'll find our people soon enough. In the meantime, take care of yourself, alright?"

You waited until the bar doors closed behind him to let your tears fall.

* * *

Vandor-3. Woodland outskirts. Spring.

You were here. Finally.

You weren't able to pinpoint exactly where the turning point occurred, between crying yourself to sleep every night and being able to wake up with a smile on your face. A small one, of course, but a smile nonetheless. You weren't even sure it was something that had happened overnight. Slowly, eventually, the frost over your heart melted, the shadows in your thoughts grew thinner and lighter. Without even realizing you were drawing back the curtains and dusting off the shelves and each day being a little more open than you were the day before.

Your loneliness still existed. It came and went in waves, so while still devastating at times, you were at least afforded with periods of relief. Periods where you could smile again, find fulfillment in your work, and even dare to allow yourself to dream again. And not to mention taking more regular showers. It was always the little things that made the biggest difference, wasn't it?

And now here you were, standing in the early morning sun out in one of the training fields, the Havoc Marauder silhouetted against the sunrise as you shook hands with its crew in a meeting long overdue.

Hunter's stories had done the boys justice. Wrecker was just as larger than life as you'd pictured, aptly choosing to push past your outstretched hand and go in for a bone-crushing hug instead. Tech, who you'd come to know as the brains of the batch, only spared a second to be properly introduced before returning to fidget with some gadget. Echo was all politeness and disciplined respect, with his scomp-salute and ma'ams. And Crosshair... well, he was still on the ship asleep, which you supposed fit with the few facts you knew about him, too.

Hunter beamed beside them, clearly happy you had finally made the effort to meet his squad. His family, really. As a Captain overseeing drill training for the GAR, you knew better than anyone the close bonds these clones formed even before they stepped foot on a battlefield. This meant a lot to him, you being here. You felt awful for postponing so many times.

Once introductions were out of the way, and some pleasant conversation had passed, you eventually ventured out to the part of the training field that actually housed elements for training - your excuse for coming out here to meet everyone. A munitions crate full of shiny new blasters was carried between you and Wrecker while Hunter ran ahead to set up some targets. Tech and Echo went back to the ship to work on repairs.

"Aaaaugh. Only blasters?" Wrecker lamented upon opening the crate.

"Sorry, more budget cuts. This was all I could scrounge up for you guys."

Hunter was much more excited by the new weapons, though Wrecker still picked one up to try out. You held one as well but only used it to demonstrate different techniques. Just because you were good at training didn't mean you were the best at actually fighting.

The three of you picked off the various bottles, pots, and pans that Hunter had set up amongst the tree branches at the edge of the field for a short while. And on more than one occasion you found yourself pausing to breathe in the air and remind yourself that life was good. Maybe not how you wanted it, but it was still good and you'd need to continue to work on appreciating what you had.

After about an hour, there were only three bottles and a pan left, all proving tricky targets due to distance and angle. Hunter had even tried slinging a few knives to no avail.

"Okay I'm calling it," Wrecker announced with a huff. "One more missed shot and I'm blowing them up."

"I'll take that bet."

A new voice, one you'd never heard before, carried across the field. It was delicate and drawling and confident. Hunter chuckled and Wrecker rolled his eyes. And you... you had no idea that everything was about to change.

It was like he was moving in slow motion. Your surroundings blurred as the lanky figure caught the corner of your eye, your heart rate slowing as you turned and took him in. One confident step planted firmly in front of the other as he inched across the field. A sniper rifle perched on his shoulder. A toothpick between pursed lips. An eye surrounded by a reticle and narrowed in determination. He didn't even spare you a glance, and thank the gods, because if he had, you were sure your heart would've stopped beating altogether.

He squared off as soon as he reached the marks, bringing his rile forward to aim in a swift and careful motion. His head rested against the shaft, his tattooed eye squinted through the scope. You imagined him taking this stance a thousand times in his short life. It looked as natural a position as curling up on a couch might look for you.

You couldn't look away, not wanting to miss a single second of whatever this mesmerizing man was about to do. He was still for a moment, impressively so. You realized you were holding your breath as you watched, not wanting even your exhale to interfere with his process.

And then he fired. Once, twice, threefourfive times. Bang, bang, bang. Each in a different direction but no less precise than the one before. The first ricocheted off the pan and hit the green bottle, just as the second hit the red bottle. The three-shot volley was aimed at the branch the bottles sat on, causing it to crack and dangle even closer to the ground. And just when you thought the show couldn't be more over the top, the sniper swiveled his rifle toward the sky at a passing bird, clipped its wing with a shot, and then whipped out a pistol from his hip and fired at the remaining blue bottle just before the branch snapped and fell to the ground.

A few seconds later, the bird tumbled on top of the pile of shattered glass and splintered wood.

"Aaaand training is now over," said Hunter with a nod of his head. He raised his voice as he called out to his brother. "You'd better clean that shit up!"

The sniper flipped him the bird before sauntering off to clean up.

"Uh, you alright?"

Hunter paused in his own packing of gear to give you a concerned look. You were still staring after the newcomer, undoubtedly the lone Batcher you had yet to meet. Crosshair. Your brain had short-circuited with what you had witnessed him do, yes. But it was more than that. There was something about him. Something intriguing and attractive. Different than anyone you had ever known, and yet, somehow feeling so real and comfortable at the same time.

After a few waves of your friend's hand in your face, you snapped back.

"That," you breathed.

Hunter cocked a confused eyebrow.

"That is what I'm looking for."

* * *

Vandor-3. Clone training facility: recreation sector. Summer.

You were insanely busy. Separatist activity was ramping up in almost every corner of the galaxy and the GAR was responding to each new threat with full force. Rotations of new clone units were frequently arriving at the facility, one after another. You'd cycle them through a few trainings to get them certified on whatever was needed and then ship them right back out. And in between were all the additional tasks that needed to be taken care of. Piles of paperwork and coordinating schedules and ship inspections and updated security debriefings.

And yet through it all, you still had time to entertain the one thought that buzzed in the background of your mind: Crosshair. Every meeting, every meal, every training sim, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. He was there. Crosshair, Crosshair, Crosshair. On your mind, in your heart, driving you absolutely mad.

In the beginning you'd pretended it wasn't about him, specifically. You were simply happy to know what you wanted now, that you had a type and it existed. That was all. Hunter had turned up his nose, completely bewildered as to why that would be your type. You hadn't been able to give him much at the time; it would take you many rotations more to start describing the details of your newly discovered attraction.

But over time, it became harder to push aside the nagging thought that you hadn't found what you were looking for, but rather who. Specifically. Exactly. Why try to find someone like him when you already liked... him?

Oh there were plenty of ways you could answer that question, all of them self-deprecating and none of them productive. You could count on one hand now the number of times you had been in the same room as him, let alone interacted with him. The Batch may be frequenting the place more often as the war picked up, but not nearly as often as you needed to gauge whether someone like Crosshair would, could, or honestly even should be as interested in you as you were in him.

Today they were back on the grounds so Hunter could fill out some paperwork, and your heart had not stopped racing all morning. It was practically threatening to punch right out of your chest and run away. You weren't sure why, considering you'd probably only end up seeing Hunter this time. The rest of the Batch usually didn't venture into the facility unless they were staying overnight. But it seemed even knowing Crosshair was on the same planet as you got you worked up these days.

You carried Hunter's stack of paperwork with you now, intending to drop it off to him in between some meetings you had. As you hustled down the halls, you rehearsed a few ways you could subtly ask him how Crosshair was doing.

But as it turned out, you would have the opportunity to ask him yourself. If you could get over your frazzled shock at finding him in the rec room instead of Hunter.

The room was conveniently empty, making the silence between you that much more potent. Crosshair was standing awkwardly to the side, just behind one of the battered sofas, as if he had already been confused about what he should be doing before you pushed through the door. He stared at you and you stared at him and the moment only lasted for a few seconds but it felt like an eternity.

"Oh, um. Hi. Crosshair." You averted your gaze, despite having prayed the past several nights that you could see his face again soon. "I was... expecting Hunter."

That didn't sound right. You hoped he didn't take that to mean that you'd prefer if Hunter was here now. Obviously you didn't.

"He stepped out," Crosshair responded in that cool, even tone of his. Your eyes couldn't help but snap back to his as he talked. You wanted him to say more but he never did.

"Oh, okay. I just had some paperwork to give him."

Crosshair only hummed at first. You shuffled your feet a bit, debating whether you should make an attempt at small talk, try to coax more out of him, maybe even hint that you were interested in him. The thought terrified you, but not as much as the thought of being alone. You couldn't complain about that if you continued to let these opportunities pass by without at least trying to make a connection.

You shifted your weight again, intending to keep your feet planted so you wouldn't make a run for it, and Crosshair uttered your name hurriedly.

"Wait," he said. He'd thought you were leaving. You widened your eyes at him, waiting to hear what he'd wanted to tell you first. He seemed to hesitate before finally saying, "I was wondering if you knew what soup they were serving today?"

"Oh. Uh, potato, I think."

"How boring."

You smirked. "I know, right? They could at least serve it with some hot sauce."

Crosshair hummed.

The silence settled back in, though now you felt better about things. You'd practically had a conversation. Learned a little more about each other. It was a good start. 

Your commlink suddenly beeped at your side and you blanched, remembering the meeting you were supposed to be heading to.

"I uh, I've got to go. It was nice talking to you."

It pained you to cut off your moment with him so quickly, but alas you were left with no choice. You shuffled back out into the corridor, though you only made it a few steps before realizing you still had Hunter's paperwork and could just leave it with Crosshair.

The rec room had an old school door that swung in and out on hinges. It was slightly ajar from when you passed through, and already in the few seconds since something was happening on the other side of it. You could hear more voices.

"...the kriff was that?" First, the deep tones of Hunter, equal parts annoyed and weary.

"That wasn't the plan." Then, the resolute voice of Echo, backing him up.

"What?" Crosshair bit back at them.

"You were supposed to ask her out," Hunter clarified.

"No, that was not the plan," Crosshair countered. "I needed to lay some groundwork first."

"You call that groundwork? You were talking about soup."

"And she agreed. No one ever agrees with me on the soup around here."

"What a special connection," Echo said.

Hunter sighed so hard you swore you could feel the breeze through the doorway. "You know, sometimes I think some work on your communication skills wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"What?"

"Never mind. Do what you like. Keep pushing away anyone who tries to love you and see where that gets you. Just know that it's exhausting, watching the two of you dance around each other like this."

"And kind of pathetic," added Echo.

You were against the wall by the door, holding in your breath for so long you were about to pass out. Or maybe it was the euphoria of knowing Crosshair was interested that made your head sway. Regardless, you had mere moments to make a move or let the opportunity pass. You dug into your pocket, fished out a pen, and scribbled a note on the top page of paperwork. Was it professional? Absolutely not. But the GAR would get over it. You left the papers by the door, making sure your note was turned to face it.

There's better soups on Coruscant. Let's go out sometime.

* * *

Vandor-3. Woodland outskirts. Autumn.

You were alone, standing in the middle of the training field, the early setting sun behind you casting a dim shadow across the remains of your latest training exercise. A chill was just starting to set in, causing you to tug at your jacket and pull it around you a bit tighter. You liked these moments, rare as they were recently. A quiet time to yourself. Not even to think, but simply to be. Present and comfortable. And you.

The wind picked up and sang through the taller blades of grass as a ship approached for landing. Your moment was over, but a new happiness settled in its place. Minutes later, the Havoc Marauder was opening its hatch and spitting out its soldiers.

"Captain," Hunter gave you a two-finger salute as he passed by.

"Sergeant," you returned with a smile.

Echo was close behind, giving you a respectful nod. Wrecker hauled a munitions crate in one hand and hit you up for a high five with the other. Tech was oblivious as he hunched over a data pad.

They filed by, one after the other, headed straight for the barracks, and what you hoped were the showers. They all knew not to linger, that you'd catch up with them later. This was your time with Crosshair.

The sniper was leaning up against the hatch opening, arms folded across a plastoid chest and a toothpick lazily perched between slightly curled lips. He took you in for a moment and you could feel yourself glowing in response to his soft gaze.

"Showing those clankers who's boss, I see," he said as he made his way down the gangway. He nodded his head toward the mess of scrap metal behind you.

You gave a half shrug. "My reaction time is getting better, but I still can't get the angles right with those pucks."

Crosshair inched up to you, gently resting his hands on either side of your waist. "Have you been doing the breathing exercises like I showed you?"

You nodded. Your hands instinctually came up to his run along his arms until they found the crook of his elbows, the only place not barring your touch by armor.

"And using the laser sight?"

You nodded a little slower and Crosshair tsked.

"I want to be good without it. Like you." You added a little extra honey to your words so he wouldn't reprimand you too much. It had been an adjustment for the two of you at first, he stepping into a training role and you stepping back to receive instruction for once. Thankfully the frustrations seemed to diminish the more your relationship progressed.

"You have to be patient," he said, giving your waist a slight squeeze to accentuate his point. "You aren't like the regs you train. You're building your skills, taking care of yourself."

You hummed, more in thought than agreement. "Will I ever have to use these skills someday, do you think? Is it really getting that bad out there?"

You tried not to think about how many soldiers you had trained only to be sent to a battlefield to die. How many of the shinies you were drilling right now would likely be killed soon. How many more would be brought in to take their place. You'd thought you'd known what you were getting yourself into with this job. But the relentless cycle of it all was getting to you more and more, especially as the Republic continued to be challenged in larger scales and higher stakes. It never seemed to end.

"It's hard to say," Crosshair responded. "We have to prepare for the worst."

You hated that answer, but you wouldn't let him see it. Not yet. Your fears and your displeasures, anger and sorrow, were things yet to be fully explored in this new relationship. All in due time. So you simply smiled, plucked the toothpick out of his mouth and tossed it aside. 

"And hope for the best, right?"

He smiled back, or at least moved his mouth in the direction of a smile, as much as you could usually get from the reserved man. "Yes, of course."

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against yours. You both closed your eyes and breathed each other in. There was warmth in his embrace. A promise in the steady hands he held you with. Vulnerability in the skin that gently touched yours. To have someone this close, someone who was still more stranger than friend, though no less beloved, was what you had always wanted. And for once, what you wanted was just as lovely and fulfilling as you'd hoped. No catch. No deals. No unintended consequences. Just you and him and happiness.

All too soon he pulled away. His hand sought yours as he turned in the direction of the barracks. The longer you stayed behind, the worse the teasing from the others would be. They were only respectful of your relationship to a point, and after that it was fair game for a laugh. So you willingly followed.

"Crosshair?"

"Hm?"

"I was thinking about Hunter...."

The sniper glanced at you suspiciously.

"Well, you know he and I have been friends for a while. And he's confided a few things in me before. About what he wants. Or thinks he wants. He's changed his mind a few times on the specifics. But all in the same gist."

"Where are you going with this?"

"I don't know, I just feel like I owe him for helping me get through a tough time. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have ever met you. So--"

Crosshair cut you off with a groan. "If you're trying to get me to play matchmaker..."

"It would get some of the attention off of us," you quickly offered. "If Hunter had someone he was bringing around, too. Or even just interested in."

Crosshair frowned in thought. "There was a bartender on Scarif he kept checking out..."

You grinned and squeezed his hand affectionately. "See? Just keep an eye out and nudge him a bit. Who knows what could happen."

You could tell he was trying not to roll his eyes for your sake. Instead he squeezed your hand in return. "Or you could come with us and nudge him yourself?"

Your walking slowed, right as you were about to cross the facility boundary line. You would have to let go of his hand once you crossed it, keep a professional distance, share your company with others. And once the Batch's business here concluded, then you would have to let him go and watch him disappear into the sky with all the prayers you could possibly send with him. And then you would be on your own. Waiting, waiting, always waiting. And maybe he would return, and maybe he wouldn't.

And heaven forbid you would ever end up alone again.

"Or you can stay," he said. The quietness of his voice betrayed what he really meant, what he really wanted. 

And you knew what you wanted, too. Without you realizing, it was getting easier and easier for you to define your desires. And not only that, but to pursue them, too. To know your happiness was worth the risk of disappointment. It was clear to you now that you were not only worthy, but also capable. The man standing before you, holding your hand, gazing at you like nothing else mattered, was proof enough.

And so you said, "Take me with you."

Every Character Tag: @dangerousstrawberrypie, @justanothersadperson93, @arctrooper69, @sleepycreativewriter, @techie-bear, @theroguesully, @cw80831, @cdblake1565

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[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Seeing Clear

AI-Less Whumptober 2024: Day 24. Relapse

Fandom: DC, Batman, Batfam, Superman, Wayne!reader, f!reader

Word Count: 4625

Summary: Now that you are back from the dead, you wonder how Clark is handling what happened. However, when Dick tells you no one knows where he is, you decide to track him down and show him you have returned.

TW: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Broken Hand, Depression, Hurt Feelings, Misunderstanding, Aftermath of Resurrection

Notes: Part of @ailesswhumptober's whumptober event

Part 3 of Seeing Colors

The first night back in the manor you sleep for almost 48 hours straight. When you finally open your eyes, you find Tim curled up on your right side and Damian snuggled up on your left. You just smile as you wrap an arm around each of them, pulling them in tighter to you as you drift off to sleep again.

The next time you wake up, your father is sitting by your bed watching you. Neither of you speaks, but as your eyes meet, he reaches out and takes your hand. You aren’t sure how long he continues to hold it once sleep takes you once more. 

Finally, after nearly 72 hours in bed, you emerge from your room to find your family halfway through dinner. When they see you leaning against the doorway, everyone pauses eating. Alfred instantly appears at your side, offering to help you to your seat. You smile as you see a plate already loaded with food placed at your usual spot at the table. As always, Alfred maintains his professional demeanor, yet when you pull him into a hug, he returns it so tightly that you struggle to breathe. When he finally leads you to your seat and you begin devouring your food like a rabid animal—barely pausing long enough to use utensils—your family stares at you for a long moment before your father laughs. As he starts sharing stories of how much of a messy eater you were as a child, the tension in the room breaks and everyone begins joining in on telling their favorite embarrassing stories about you.

You just roll your eyes, but can’t help but feel like you are finally truly home.

After that first meal together, you try to return to your life as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, it is easier said than done. To not raise any suspicions or connections to your secret identity, it was decided you couldn’t just be declared dead a day or two after one of the Bat’s was seen killed by Superman, especially because it would mean turning over your body and no one wanted to try and explain the gaping hole in your chest. However, it would cause a societal buzz of unwanted attention if one of the “true-blood” Wayne children just disappeared off the face of the Earth with no explanation. So, a few days after the incident, Bruce filed a missing person’s report claiming you had left the night before on a trip to Metropolis and he couldn’t get in contact with you. A few of your bloody clothes and belongings placed in a dark alleyway were more than enough for the police to draw the conclusions your father had counted on. 

However, it now means you have to come up with a new cover story for how you have returned. Once you are feeling up for it, your family dresses you in some filthy, bloody clothes and you stumble into the Gotham Police Station barefoot and barely coherent. As a swarm of officers surround you, you collapse in exhaustion, landing perfectly in Commissioner Gordon’s arms. And as you hear them calling for an ambulance and to “get goddam Bruce Wayne on the phone”, you struggle to hide your grin. Jason and Damian better never criticize your acting abilities ever again.

After several days in the hospital where you claim you don’t remember what happened after some guys grabbed you in an alley, it is determined there are traces of drugs in your system that would cause this memory loss and confusion. Luckily, the pit magic hasn’t completely left your system yet so while you could be injected with the drugs so they’d show up on your bloodwork, it doesn’t actually affect you so you can keep your wits about you to play the part you are trying to sell. You have a teary public reunion with your father and brothers with plenty of cameras flashing in the background to capture it all. Normally, that would have infuriated you. However, given in this instance you wanted the world to learn of your return, you grinned and bore it. 

Yet even once you are finally allowed to leave the hospital, things still don’t return to the way they were. It seems like everywhere you go around the manor, one or more of your family members are there, offering to help with whatever you are doing or asking if you need anything. As the oldest of the Bat kids, it feels strange to be the one being doted on instead of being the one doing the doting. 

However, you understand why they are doing it. To you, you haven’t really even been apart. But for them, you have been gone for over two months. They were there when you took your final breath and there when you took your first one again. So, while their clinginess and overprotectiveness are a little much, you don’t try to discourage them from it.

Besides your family behaving differently, your body is still struggling to return to normal after being dead for so long. Sometimes you feel fine, and other times you feel like you are dying all over again. At one point, even just breathing suddenly becomes difficult as it feels like someone dropped a car on your chest. Every breath is a battle as the magic of the Pit begins to drain from your system and your lungs struggle to relearn how to work without it. Luckily, Jason is there to talk you through all of it. 

In these moments, he holds you against his chest and speaks soothing words of encouragement as he coaches you through the worst of it. Normally, he wouldn’t be this soft and gentle, but you know he had gone through the exact same thing without having someone there to help him. He understands how terrifying and painful it is, so he’s making sure you never feel alone. 

You also still get flashes of pain occasionally as a memory returns to you, but these begin happening less and less frequently and with less and less intensity as you regain most of what you had lost. However, there is one memory that you wish had never returned to you. You try to push it out of your mind, but it’s not always possible. 

Nights are the worst. After the initial exhaustion wore off and your sleep patterns returned to normal, you are plagued with dreams reliving that memory. Over and over, you feel Clark’s fist driving into your chest. See the darkness creeping in once again as you struggle to catch your breath. The pain feels as real and intense as it did in that moment. And every night, you wake up sobbing just as the darkness overtakes you.

No one has mentioned Clark since you returned so you have no idea how the Kryptonian was dealing with your death. Like you told him on the day you died, you didn’t blame him for what happened in the slightest. He was being manipulated by the red kryptonite and had no control over his actions. As someone who had been dosed by Scarecrow’s fear toxin or Ivy’s love potion enough times over the years, you understood how these substances worked and you knew deep down that Clark would never do anything that would hurt you when he was in his right mind. And that was good enough for you.

However, you can gather that not everyone else in the family feels the same way.

Dick was the only one who looked sad, not angry when you tried to bring it up. So one day, you finally manage to corner him alone.

“Dick! Can I talk to you for a second?”

He turns, flashing a bright smile. “Sure, sis, what’s up?”

“I want to talk about Clark.”

Dick’s smile drops as he looks around nervously making sure no one else is around. Then he grabs your arm and pulls you into the nearby study. Once he is sure you’re alone, he sighs and asks, “What do you want to know?”

“What the hell happened while I was gone? I get everyone was upset about what happened, but no one will even mention him. I’m back! It doesn’t matter anymore. We should be able to work through this, not ban his name from ever being mentioned around here again.”

Dick shakes his head. “It’s not that simple. What he did was bad enough, but what happened after just made it worse.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “How could it have possibly been worse than killing me?”

“He showed up unannounced and uninvited to your memorial service.”

“Oh.” Yep. That would do it. 

While they couldn’t bury your body since you were technically considered missing to the public at large, someone had mentioned that they placed a headstone for you in the family plot behind the manor. They held a memorial service in your honor a month after your “disappearance”, with only a handful of the mourners knowing the truth of what happened. 

Sighing and lowering yourself into one of the study chairs, you say, “Yeah, I can see where that might not have gone over well.”

“No, it did not,” Dick says bluntly. “Jason launched himself at Clark the moment he arrived, but luckily Bruce and I were able to restrain him.”

“That is lucky. It wouldn’t be fun trying to explain how someone as tough as Jason could break his hand punching someone like Clark Kent in the jaw.” You can’t even imagine how your family must have felt at your service—only for Clark then to arrive and force everyone to relive that moment all over again. Losing Jason had nearly killed you years ago, and that had been at the hands of The Joker. If someone you cared about had been responsible…

You shudder. “What happened next?”

“Bruce did that whisper thing where he mutters so low no one but Clark can hear him. I still don’t know what he said but whatever it was, it almost brought Clark to his knees. He turned and left immediately.”

“Oh god…,” you say, burying your face in your hands. “It wasn’t his fault.”

You had told your father Clark wasn’t to blame for what happened to you. If they had been mad at anyone, they should have been mad at Luthor for dosing Clark with red kryptonite in the first place. 

Lowering your hands and looking back at Dick, you asked, “How’s he been since then?”

Dick shifts uncomfortably in place. “We…don’t know. Actually, no one does. No one’s seen him since he left here that day.”

“What!” you cry as you jump to your feet. “You mean that he has been missing for two months and no one thought to mention that to me? What about Lois? Hasn’t she seen him?”

Dick shakes his head. “No, and she’s been looking. She’s called Bruce a few times begging him to help her find him, but he stopped taking her calls.”

“What the hell, Dick!” You shove your little brother’s shoulder. “That’s horrible! Even if you think that Clark is to blame for what happened—which I for one don’t—Lois is completely innocent in this! How can you all just ignore her when she needs help?”

“You know Lois. Once Bruce refused to help the first few times, she sort of blew up at him. Made some comments that she really shouldn’t have and that’s when Bruce cut all contact.”

“What could she have possibly said that was so bad?”

Dick drops his eyes to the ground and bites his lip. For a moment, you don’t think he’s going to tell you. But then he whispers, “She said that Clark wasn’t in control of his mind or actions and that Bruce was more responsible for Jason’s death than Clark was for yours.”

You inhale sharply. Lois could get a little fiery when she got annoyed or upset, but you never imagined she would go for such a low blow. Even though Jason had returned and had (eventually) mended his relationships with the rest of the Bats, you know not a day goes by that your father doesn’t regret what happened or that he wasn’t able to save Jay. For Lois to throw that in his face was something nearly unforgivable.

However, regardless of what she said, it still didn’t mean that Clark didn’t need or deserve your help. 

Thinking for a long moment, you nod and walk past Dick heading towards your room. “I know where he is.”

“What? H-how?” Dick turns and races after you.

“He showed it to me once. Things were going bad for him and he wanted someone to know about it in case anything happened to him. He said he knew he could trust me. It’s a secret hideout—his ‘batcave’ if you will—and it’s where he will be.”

“Do you remember how to find it?”

You smile, as you reach your door. “Yeah, it’s kind of hard to miss. But I have to go alone.” You enter your room and start digging through your closet looking for your warmest jacket and thickest socks.

“No. That’s not happening.” Dick shakes his head. “There’s no telling where his head will be after this long or how he’ll react to seeing you. He could kill you all over again and there would be no one there to stop him.”

“Like you all did such a great job of stopping him last time?” You immediately regret the joke as a look of pain flashes across Dick’s face. Dropping your clothes, you wrap him in a hug which he quickly returns. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. But Clark didn’t mean what he did either and he deserves to know I’m okay. Maybe it’ll be enough to bring him home.”

“What do I tell Bruce?” Dick asks, his voice muffled where his face is snuggled into the top of your head.

“Tell him I took his jet for a joyride and I’ll be back soon. And if I’m not…then tell him I love him and I’m sorry. But I needed to try to fix this mess that I started.”

“You have to come back,” Dick mutters.

“I’ll try my best.” You pull away and use your knuckle to knock on Dick’s chin. “And, hey, if I don’t, tell Damian to start looking for another Pit.”

After the boys hijacked your father’s private jet, you figured you’d have to find a way around layers of security. Yet, surprisingly, you were pretty much allowed to just walk right on. The only moment of hesitation came when you said you needed to go to the Arctic, but even that only took reminding the pilot of who you were to get him to agree.

Now you are standing before an enormous ice-like structure you had only seen once before. It was beautiful in design; huge clear pillars crisscrossing every witch way reminding you of the crystals you saw in the mineral section of the Gotham Museum. Now, if only this place had a central heating unit, you could see yourself really enjoying a vacation up here. 

But you didn’t come all this way to admire the architecture, so you step up to the front of the fortress. Suddenly, a red beam shoots out and begins to scan you. Closing your eyes, you wait and really hope Clark didn’t remove your DNA access that he had installed when he originally brought you here. After a moment, you hear a beep and the wall in front of you slides back, allowing you entrance. Breathing a deep sigh of relief, you step into the building only for the door to slide closed behind you. Hopefully, you do actually find Clark because he never showed you how to exit the fortress. But that’s a problem for later. 

You continue deeper into the structure until you reach the central room. The huge, cavernous space is brightly lit by the clear glowing crystals all around the room and you have to shield your eyes for a moment until they adjust. But when you do, you realize you are completely alone.

As you begin walking around the room, you call out, “Come on, Clark. I know you can hear me, whether you’re actually here or somewhere else. You showed me how this place works and I know you’re connected to it. Me, Lois, my dad, Metropolis…We need you, so please come back. I do understand why you left and I’m sorry, but it’s alright now. I’m fine. And it wasn’t your fault in the first place.”

The echoes from your voice die down and you are left in total silence once again. Sighing, you try a slightly different approach. “Lisen, I know my dad and brothers can be real dicks sometimes—well, I guess one of them is always a Dick—but you didn’t deserve how they treated you or what they might have said. I told you what happened wasn’t your fault, but even as I said it, I knew you would still blame yourself. But you shouldn’t! I know you would never hurt me and I still believe that. So, please, show yourself!”

Suddenly, there is a loud thud behind you that shakes the entire fortress, and a voice growls, “Who the hell are you? How did you get into this place?”

Relief floods through you at the sound and you release the breath you hadn’t even realized you had been holding. There was never a guarantee this plan would work but now that it has, you smirk. “You gave me a key.” 

Then you turn to face him.

Both you and Clark gasp simultaneously, equally shocked by the visage of the person before you. The man standing looking back at you is not the Clark you remember. He's wearing a dirty T-shirt and jeans. His eyes are bloodshot and surrounded by large, dark shadows. His cheeks are sunken beneath a rough beard you didn’t even know he could grow. He is an utter shell of the man that you knew and loved. 

“Clark…” you breathe as you take a step toward him, but he steps back as you do.

“What are you?” he whispers, his eyes wide as they scan over you, looking for any clue as to how you are here.

You scoff softly, trying to ease some of the stifling tension that had filled the room. “Wow, thanks. It’s good to see you too.”

But Clark shakes his head. “This isn’t possible. I killed you. I felt your heart stop while my hand was still buried in your chest.”

You shiver slightly and this time not because of the cold. Remembering what happened always sent a phantom pain through your chest and left you momentarily breathless. However, you try to ignore it and push on. “Yeah, well, since when has death ever stopped us? Damian called in some favors with his grandfather and Ra’s allowed them to use one of the Lazarus Pits. It was a far from pleasurable experience but I’m back.”

For a moment, you see just a glimpse of hope in his eyes, but then it is extinguished as he shakes his head again. “No. You can’t be real. If you were, you’d hate me as much as the rest of your family does for what I did.” He looks down at his hands and whispers, “You’d hate me as much as I hate myself.”

“No, Clark…” You take a step towards him but his eyes flash red so you hold up your hands as you freeze in place. 

When his eyes dim and return to their usual blue, you take a deep breath and close your eyes. “I know what it’s like to hurt someone you love while you’re not in your right mind. When I came out of the Pit…I didn’t remember anything. What had happened, where I was, not even who I was. I just needed to get away from the pain I was in. My brothers tried to stop me and my hand ended up around Tim’s throat. They got me off of him before it was too late and I quickly came back to my senses, but for the next week or so, I had to stare at the reminder of what I did around his neck. He told me over and over again it was fine, that he knew it wasn’t really me, but it didn’t make it any easier. I still remember the feeling of his throat in my hands, how he struggled and pleaded with me though I didn’t comprehend his words until later, and how he gasped and coughed for air when they finally pried me off of him. I did that to my brother. And even though he’s fine, I have to live with that for the rest of my life. So I can only imagine how you must feel looking at me.” You open your eyes and stare at him. “But it’s me, Clark. It’s really me.”

He stares back at you, your eyes locked. Then, slowly, he walks across the room until he is standing about a foot in front of you. In a trembling voice, he asks, “How do I know you’re real? That what you said is the truth and you’re not just an android or hologram or something?”

“Hmm… good point. I guess this might convince you.” You pause for a beat then, as hard as you can, you drive your fist into Clark’s jaw.

His head doesn’t budge. Instead, you feel all the bones in your hand shatter and you drop to your knees with a howl of pain. Clark is kneeling next to you in an instant carefully trying to examine your injury. 

“What the hell was that?” he mutters as he gently eases your arm away from your chest. 

Panting through the pain, you grimace, “I forgot how much that hurts. You’re worse than punching a brick wall.”

“Why did you do it?” He is staring at your hand in such a way you can tell he is using his X-ray vision on it. Though he doesn’t need to. Your skin is split open at the knuckles and you can visibly see the white of your bones poking through all blood and gore. 

But then your hand begins to tingle and go numb as you look up at Clark. “Because of this.”

A faint green glow spreads across your injuries and you inhale sharply as a new sort of pain tears through your hand. Yet, in seconds, it fades and your hand is left looking as good as new.

Stretching the muscles and wiggling your fingers, you smile up at Clark. “The Pit magic’s been fading out of me since I woke up, but until it’s completely gone, I’m pretty invincible.” He runs his fingers over the newly smooth skin as you ask, “Believe me now?”

Clark raises his head until he's staring directly into your eyes. Reaching out, his fingers brush across your cheekbone as he whispers, “It’s really you.”

You nod, placing your hand on his wrist. “Yeah, it’s really me.”

“And…what I did?” His eyes drop to your chest, where there was once a hole shaped like his fist.

You try to suppress a shiver. “It’s healed. It's all just a terrible memory now.”

“Can you ever forgive me?” he whispers, tears filling his eyes.

“Clark, how many times do I have to tell you, there's nothing to forgive. It wasn’t your fault.” Taking his hand in yours, you squeezed it tightly. “But if you want to do something to make it up to me—”

“Anything.”

“Then forgive yourself,” you plead. “Come back home and let's learn to move on. Please.”

Clark gives you a sad smile. “You might not blame me, but your family does.”

“Fuck them.” Clark blinks in surprise but you continue. “I'm the only one who has the right to be upset about what happened and since I'm not, they aren't allowed to be either. So if they can't move past it now that there's nothing to be upset about, then fuck them.”

A weary smile stretches across Clark’s face. “If your dad heard you talking like that…”

“He'd give me his disappointed glare.” You do an impression of your father's death stare, one you know you have inherited and used on your brothers hundreds of times.

Clark chuckles as the first glint of happiness sparkles in his eyes. Grabbing your hand, he pulls you into a tight hug. You know he is holding back yet even at a fraction of his strength, you feel your bones creaking under the pressure. But you don’t say anything. You just hug him back.

You aren't sure how long you stand there but, eventually, you begin to struggle to breathe so you pat Clark’s back. “Ok, big guy. Time to clean yourself up and take me home.”

He releases you but still seems uncertain. “I don't know. Maybe we should wait for things to cool off a little more.”

“Nonsense. The sooner we rip the bandaid off, the better. Besides, I need a lift. I told my pilot to head back to Gotham because I had another way home.”

You winked at him and he shook his head with a smile. “Of course you did.”

“So, hurry up. It’s freezing up here and I’d like to get home so Alfred can make me some hot chocolate. And if you want, I can see if he’ll make a second glass for you.” 

You both know that it won’t be as easy as Clark walking through the front doors of Wayne Manor with you to smooth things over. A lot of hateful and regrettable things have been said on both sides. But seeing as it’s impossible to be mad while drinking a cup of Alfred’s hot chocolate, it’ll be a good place to start. 

Giving Clark one last smile, you say, “I'll wait for you outside.” Then you turn and leave the room.

Luckily, exiting the Fortress is a lot easier than you had feared and you are soon standing in the icy tundra as snow whips around you. A tightness in your chest that you hadn’t even realized was there has eased and for the first time since your death, you feel truly at peace once more. 

As you’ve said from the start, Clark would never hurt you when he’s seeing clearly and not affected by red kryptonite. Outside of your direct family, there is no one in this world or any other that you trust more. Everything that had happened these last few months had been a terrible tragedy but things are finally righting themselves and getting back to normal. 

As you hear footsteps approaching, you turn and your heart swells as you see the man walking across the ice towards you. 

Clean-shaven, smiling, and dressed in his famous red-and-blue uniform, Clark looks every bit the Superman you have known and loved like family since you were a young child. 

Wrapping him in a hug, you say, “It’s good to have you back, Clark.”

“It’s good to be back.” He returns the hug and then whispers, “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“You’ve never given up on me once my entire life so why would I do any less?”

Smiling, he lifts you into his arms and says, “Let’s go home.” Then with you firmly in his grasp, he blasts into the sky.

The last time this happened, it ended with your death. Yet as Clark holds you against his chest as he flies towards Gotham, you’ve never felt safer. 

Tag List: @zebralover, @the-sound-of-her-wings, @mildvalue506, @theclassicvinyldragon, @xxrougefangxx

[silence-burns]

The Death of Me //part 2

Fandom: Aquaman

Summary: (very small spoilers for the movie) Finding Orm on your doorstep was not something you expected. Having him move in was even worse. But the effect he still had on every part of your life would be the death of you.

Even though you learned early on the world was an unjust and cruel place, it still managed to surprise you occasionally. The last bits of hope clung to your cloudy mind, snatched away from you once you pried your eyes open to see your nightmare incarnate sitting by the kitchen table.

The fever knocked you out for a few blissful hours; earlier events fading into a half-remembered dream. But there was no denying the truth once you noticed the suspiciously clean counters and sudden lack of accumulated trash laying around. And, worst of all, your new roommate.

Or caregiver. Or pain in the ass. Or man that made your heart twitch in a way signaling either a crush or a heart attack. Who cared about semantics?

Orm Marius, former Ocean Master and currently just some guy, sat in the middle of the kitchen, making his way through a book. The seaside house was home to many books, although you doubted the original owner ever had the time to browse through them.

A small mercy had been granted to you and Orm didn't notice you had woken up. You couldn't help but observe him. Even though he was no stranger to you, and quite recently you'd helped break him out of prison and even somehow saved the world together, you still felt mesmerized by the way he moved and looked.

Even now, the dying evening light entering through the window painted the room in deep shadows, and softened the planes of Orm's face. He had positioned himself close to the window to read in the dimming light. It allowed you to see the softened curve of his shoulders and the way he tilted his head, studying the book just as carefully as you studied him.

“Glad to see you're doing better,” Orm said, without moving.

You jumped a little, making your injuries flare up in a wave of pain. A startled whine escaped your lips when your body reminded you how sore it actually was.

Orm put the book down and stepped over to the couch. Before you managed to say anything, he pressed his hand to your forehead. Whatever words rose in your throat, scattered.

“You're still burning,” Orm muttered with concern and furrowed brows. “Are you sure your medicine is working?”

“...it just needs some time.”

Your voice came out weaker than you expected. You felt fuzzy, and the room around you was definitely moving a little.

Orm was not convinced, and disappeared from your line of sight for a while.

Your fever was probably on the rise again, which was to be expected. For the past few days you'd been in and out of it, drowning in sweat and fighting off the urge to scratch underneath your bandages.

You kicked off the thin blanket, hoping Orm wouldn't touch you again. You were dreadfully aware of how wet Orm's hand must've come off and of the old sweat stench surrounding you. In your defense, you didn't expect any visitors, so for the past few days you focused on passively surviving rather than dragging your corpse to the shower once a day.

You heard Orm's steps before he entered your vision. “Man, just leave me alone. I'm seriously fine on my own—”

A wet towel slapped onto your face, splashing cold water around. What a simple, yet effective way of both shutting you up and providing relief. You'd be impressed if it didn't piss you off so much.

You dragged it off your eyes and came face to face with Orm, suddenly crouching way too close to your liking. He looked at you intensely and then raised an eyebrow.

“If you want me gone, then you should be perfectly capable of throwing me out. You didn't have any trouble last time we sparred.”

“That would be so rude of me. It would crush your ego.”

“As if you ever bothered being polite.”

“I am the nicest person that has ever graced this Earth.”

“You look like a corpse on its way to the afterlife. Unless your state improves, I'm not leaving. The only choice you have is finally dying or getting better and kicking me out. And since I'd rather see the outcome of option number two, I think we have to start with these bandages.”

“They’re in place.”

“The wounds need to be cleaned and dressed again. I can smell that from back here.”

With a hiss through clenched teeth, you dragged yourself into a sitting position, as far away from Orm as was possible on the couch.

“...look who's impolite now.”

Orm moved closer to you with a darkened expression. It made you shiver and put one bare foot on his chest in the only defense you could muster. He wrapped his fingers around your ankle, but didn't move any closer.

“It's not about politeness or pride,” he explained slowly, not taking his eyes off you. “I want you to feel better, regardless of what it takes.”

The way your cheeks heated had very little to do with the fever. In a kinder world, Orm wouldn't have noticed it.

But in this one, he was too observant to miss something like that. His lips curled in the faintest of smiles just as his hand moved further up your leg, slowly dragging his fingers over your scorching skin. Your heart was in your throat and wanted out.

You slapped the wet towel onto his arm and freed your leg.

“Such profound words for someone so annoying.”

“Whatever gets you moving. These wounds really do need cleaning, and I will not back down from that one.”

“I can do it myself.”

“If you could, you would've done it days ago—when it was actually due. That's enough waiting, take them off.”

You thought back to how far your injuries went under your shirt. It provided you with a surprisingly effective burst of motivation to heave yourself off the couch and onto semi-steady legs.

You wobbled off in the general direction of the bathroom, wishing for your torment to finally end.

“Please do avoid any further injuries,” Orm called after you, watching your unsteady search for clean clothes and a towel. There was painful stiffness to your joints, but you were extremely motivated to overcome it.

“I promise to graciously call for your aid right before I break my neck on these marvelous tiles.”

There was not much dignity left in you, but you did your best to protect it by switching the bathroom lock rather than slamming the door.

You could've sworn you heard Orm chuckle.

[dr-spectre]

As someone who's been in multiple fandom circles and calls themselves a Splatoon fan, I've seen a lot of focus and discussion on "THE LORE!!" and "CANON!!!" and to be honest with you... it's getting really tiring and I think people are just WAY TOO obsessed with what a wiki or an intern at Nintendo says rather than forming their own perspective on events and coming to their own unique conclusions.

Now, I wanna say, if talking about lore and discussing which elements are canon or not makes you happy and you love talking about that, then that's perfectly okay. It's fine. It's not for ME personally because my focus on Splatoon is the gameplay, music and the storytelling chops of each Hero Mode.

Story >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Canon for me any day of the week i do not care.

Because, to get away from Splatoon for a second, for my Sonic fans out there, you remember when Sega and the people behind the show Sonic Prime said that it was canon to the mainline Sonic timeline? And if you said otherwise you were technically wrong because "oh Sega said this, so it MUST be true!"

........But then everyone said that Sonic Prime cannot be canon to the mainline Sonic timeline because it has a fuck ton of inconsistencies? Yeah.... funny. Basically, don't put a lot of focus into "what actually happened" and "oh this is what the multi billion dollar corporation said!" because there's always gonna be one guy out there that goes "um this information kinda fucking damages the story in a severe way." (And sometimes that one guy is me.... hehehehe....)

I could obviously talk about.... you know.... Hypno Callie again for the 50th trillion time.... (and i will)..... This bitch.... I wanna love you girlie i really fucking do but Nintendo and millions of people make it hard to....

Nintendo set up Callie's villain arc decently in Splatoon 1 with the Splatfest dialogue, the Squid Sister stories and the Sunken Scrolls, yet they ultimately damaged the progression of the arc by saying "nah fuck u she got kidnapped and brainwashed, removing all of her memories and free will because fuck telling a good story with satisfying set up and pay off that allows for character growth. Fundamentals of storytelling? What are those?" And it also destroyed Callie as a character by reducing her to an object that the player "must save from da evil Octavioooo" and "oh look at her! She put the stupid brainwashing shades onnn againnn!! such a dumb fucking moron dumbass piece of shit right guys?!? lmaoooooooooo!! explore the dangers of addiction and how you need to seriously change your life and be surrounded by those you love in order to change bad habits?? Themes?? PFFTTT! NAWWW! THAT'S LAMEEEE!! It's Callie! No one cares about Callie!! She's stupiddd!!!"

(I talked about Callie in a tumblr comment section one time and I got made fun of for by a guy way older than me. I love humanity.)

It also ruined DJ Octavio's character too because, if what Nintendo said is true about what he did then he cannot be redeemed in Splatoon 3. He cannot go back on the shit he's done. But they try to redeem him out of nowhere and now he's all chill with the New Squidbeak Splatoon and appeared in the Grand Fest.... Yet what he did to Callie which Nintendo loves to push is truly TRULY unredeemable and if that's the case then welp.... I call that bad writing, straight up. It's bad writing.

I really hate it when something happens in a story and you perceive it in a certain way where you feel like it elevates the events, but then the company behind the story chooses to pick the worst outcomes possible just because? And everyone rolls with it just cause? Ugh...

Lesson of today is, don't fucking listen obsessively to what a company says and suck it up. Consume media and come to your own conclusions on what happened. As long as you have tangible evidence to back up your claims you can make any interpretation you want to, whatever makes you feel happy bestie!

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/766643219242024960/im-so-tired-of-all-the-hate-directed-towards?source=share

there's a lot of sexism and ableism and just general "this thing i don't understand must be weird!" aimed at bronies, but this discounts how much of the criticism coming toward bronies, especially after the first year, came from WITHIN the fandom, or at least from people who had previously been in that fandom and felt driven out by all the unchecked racism, misogyny, homophobia, ableism, etc. and also just generally way too many people who seemed to specifically want to get their sexual stuff places where child fans of the show and/or the voice actors would have to acknowledge it. (the vast majority of the fandom was really good about this - there were "wrap up" events for instance about ensuring that pony porn was showing up on google safe search - but there was a loud minority that not enough was being done to combat, including cases of adult male bronies following around actual preteen girls at cons. like to be clear, i'm not using "pedo" in the flippant fandom way where it's just people liking "problematic" ships/fanart or whatever.) if you complained about that though, you got treated like you were the same as the people from outside the fandom condemning all bronies as bigots and pedos. meanwhile, the actual bigots and pedos got to stay, and anyone who didn't like it was pushed out. (also, a lot of their issue was bronies being seen as "gay" and they talked about it the exact same way as being called a "pedo," and i knew a few gay male bronies who definitely had some choice words about that, especially coupled with the homophobic meltdowns straight male bronies would have every time equestria daily would feature an M/M fic, which was very rare since there hardly was any M/M) fimfiction was a good site though! bronies created some great things. but i was there in the early years of the fandom and i can't discount what a miserable experience everybody i knew in that space had who wasn't a cishet white man (or really just not a 4chan shitlord or someone who was okay with being surrounded by them). "brony hate" was not just ALL thinking that adult men liking a little girls' show was suspicious. I'm guessing this person either was into that fandom very early before the problems became obvious, or very late when the nazis and pedos had left and it was 90% furries. i highly recommend that this person and others watch jenny nicholson's "brony fandom autopsy" video. she was "horse famous" and so deep in the trenches of the fandom, and i think she's very fair about talking about both positive and negative aspects, including how a lot of the latter was responsible for driving people in the fandom away. the reason i knew it eventually just became a furry fandom was because of her video, btw. i kinda stopped keeping track of bronies sometime around 2013. around when the "regarding twilight sparkle" viral post came out, haha

--

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 12 thoughts

oh man. i think i’ve heard that this episode is a favorite among the fans. i also think that scully hooks up with a vampire in this one? because that got brought up in that one post i made about 3 a while back. curious to see if i misinterpreted that comment or if this is actually going to happen.

well! no time like now to find out!

the description mentions recounting their version of events… i LOVED that part of jose chung, so i really cannot wait to see what happens here :D

post episode note: not sure if there has ever been a lower words to "LMAOOO" ratio in my note taking history, so i will do my best to make this comprehensible, but i had so much fun watching this :D

man, i'll need to remake my top episodes list at some point... but it might stretch into top 20 or 25!!!

ohh, i wonder what the top 20 most beloved episodes by the whole fandom are...?

we begin with some very dramatic spooky music as this kid runs around in texas, calling for help, followed by someone who is very very fast!!! this guy is going to kill this poor kid!!!! why is he running into the woods??? not a great place to go when you need to escape someone!!!

bigger guy is on top of the little one and OH!! he shoves a stake through his heart!!

IT’S MULDER DOING THE STAKING??

scully finds him over the body of the dead kid… and the kid has fangs!!!! BUT THEY’RE FAKE!!!

DID MULDER JUST KILL THIS KID????????

WHAT THE FUUUCK?!?! WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE 

my face at this exact moment:😳😳😳

the intro was shortened... I ALWAYS NOTICE

okay, so now mulder is at his desk. scully walks in looking very very very tense. as if he just killed a child, perhaps. she carefully sits down. 

“mulder…” “don’t. don’t even start with me” LMAO WHAT??? she is gagged and also making the same face as me 😳😳

(i couldn't tell what the tone of this episode was at the time, but now that i think about "don't. don't even start with me" i am CACKLING)

he throws a paper into his garbage can, which is surrounded by other thrown papers, and then starts KICKING IT??? she’s watching with a very “wtf” expression going on 

IT’S TOO EARLY FOR ME TO FIGURE OUT THE TONE HERE, WTF 

he is defeating the evil of that trash can, though.

ohhh no, skinner wants their report in ONE HOUR!!! scully is trying to be very pragmatic here.

they both clarify that they are going to say exactly what they saw, but he says “i got to know if you’re going to back me up or what” because he’s the one that might be going to prison!!! no pressure. 

she adjusts her sitting position angrily: “first of all, if the family of ronnie strickland does indeed decide to sue the FBI for, i think the figure is $446 million, then you and i will most certainly be codefendants. and second of all… i don’t even HAVE a second of all, mulder” <- LMAOOO i’m HOWLING! SHE’S AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. JUST FILLED WITH FURY

“i’m in this as deep as you are, and i’m not even the one that overreacted!! i didn’t do the… with the thing!!” <- SHE CANNOT EVEN SAY IT, SHE CAN ONLY MAKE VAGUE GESTURES BAHAHAAA

he says that she needs to tell her story the way she saw it… and she replies that she doesn’t feel comfortable with that (queen of expressing boundaries!)

however, mulder counters that they’re facing the threat of prison, and that scully's cellmate will be named "large marge" and read lots of gertrude stein (oh god. that’s out of pocket, mulder!)

((this man makes far too many prison assault remarks. i understand that he is in a stressful situation. but still!))

he begins recording her version of the story…

“yesterday morning, when i arrived at work, you were… uh… characteristically exuberant” <- i’m crying, that is SUCH a perfect description of him. i have half a mind to change my url to that. but surely it has already been taken.

"HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR COWBOY BOOTS! YEEHAW", he says, slamming down plane tickets to texas on the desk <- LMAOOOOO she remembers him as a nonstop yapper, which is mostly accurate 

(absolutely crying at the yeehaw in retrospect)

he won’t shut up or let her talk, he's too locked into these images of dead cows LMAOO “is there any sign of-" “two small puncture wounds in the neck?” “that’s not what i was going to ask” “too bad, we’ve got ‘em” <- i am actually giggling at this. she sees him as constantly over-caffeinated, and i love that

NOT THE CHUPACABRA SLANDER LMAOO “no, they got four fangs, not two, and they suck goats, hence the name” <- YOU TELL HER MULDER ‼️

(that episode is one of the worst, so i think the combination of light acknowledgement of that fact and allowing mulder to flex his encyclopedic memory of cryptids with the manner of a child who got into way too much sugar is frankly iconic)

and he casually adds there is one dead human, prompting her outraged “well why the hell didn’t you tell me that from the beginning?” but he’s already out the door LMAOOO

okay, i cannot stop laughing even though this episode may be about mulder murdering a child. such is the nature of this TV program.

they’re going to investigate the body deep in the heart of texas… and is that romantic music playing when this sheriff hartwell enters??? and she remembers mulder SNAPPING at her while he introduces them as if he cannot remember her name!!

(as if mulder could forget her name... scully i'm calling your bias out there)

mulder tells her to "MOVE YOUR LITTLE LEGS" LMAOOO???

now the sheriff and her are very close as he eagerly agrees to all of her ideas (that the killer was not a real vampire, but someone so obsessed with vampire movies that he wished to emulate them) and mulder watches, suspiciously

LMAOOOO MULDER CALLS HER STORY OUT BACK IN THE PRESENT WHEN SHE SAYS THE SHERIFF USED HER NAME “dana?!?! he never even knew your first name!” (angry scully look) “you going to interrupt me, or what?” “no, go ahead… dana” 

(saw a post the other day that was like "they get to call each other dana or fox once each calendar year" and it's so true because it sounds so wrong when he says it in this context)

this point is where mulder makes his discovery: the dead man’s SHOES are UNTIED!

yeah, idk what that means either.

SHE KEEPS SMILING AT THIS SHERIFF HARTWELL LMAO. DOWN BAAAD.

mulder is pondering… “sheriff, do you have an old cemetery in town, off the beaten path, the creepier the better?”

it is so funny to think that all of these events are through the lens of scully's mind because she sees him as so fucking weird and spooky. both of which are true.

LMAOOO mulder says she must do a full autopsy! “what am i even looking for?” (he grabs her shoulders and leans in) “i don’t know”

LMAOOOO okay, so back before i even thought about watching this show, i saw that gifset on my main and i reblogged it with the caption “man. i’m going to have to watch this show, aren’t i?”, and here we are. so this feels very full circle to have finally seen it

poor scully has had an autopsy thrust upon her :(

scully is totally smitten with this guy though, oh my god…..

(i truly cannot figure out her type. mulder, jerse, esther, and this guy? what is the common ground?! between mulder and esther there was the whole "incredibly intelligent" thing, but the other two?? just like?? dark hair?? idk!)

autopsy time… she's talking into her little voice recorder about the dead man “who is arguably having a worse time in texas than i am. although not by much” LMAOOO

(i wonder if she really did get that candid in her recording, or if she is just being dramatic in her retelling of the tale. i assume she only records herself for the sake of writing the reports, so maybe she is free to say whatever it is that crosses her mind, in which case i would like to listen in)

NOOO, her blade falls out before she can begin and she sadly yeehaws 

(god. a sad scully yeehaw. i used to pray for days like these)

time to weight all the organs. UGH the intestines are all slippery!!!

he had pizza in his stomach. LMAO THE MUSHROOMS SOUND GOOD TO HER BAHAHA SHE IS SO STRANGE

back to the present moment- our agents can’t agree on the name of the motel they stayed in, which is not promising for the rest of their stories aligning 

you can put two quarters in the bed and make it jiggle? this is news to me! and this is just what scully does!

an angry and dirty mulder appears just as she begins this process!

ohhh, the dead guy had lots of sleeping drugs in his system… and her voice is all funny because she is jiggling while she says this… she thinks the “vampire” gave the guy the drugs. meanwhile, mulder is not elaborating on his very dirty appearance!

NOOOO there’s another dead tourist and she has to do another autopsy!!! “i just put money in the magic fingers :(“ AWWW POOR SCULLY 

(why couldn't that wait until tomorrow!?!!)

he says he won’t let it go to waste and IS HE GOING TO CLIMB IN ALL DIRTY??? LMAOO NOOOO

the subtitles point out that he is “laughing mischievously” which escalated to “cackling”… what is this man planning!!! he takes pleasure in dirtying her jiggling bed!!

(regardless of the accuracy of if it really happened in such a manner, it’s sad to see how taken advantage of scully feels by him 🙁)

she sadly leaves after telling him not to get mud everywhere 

NOOOO the pizza guy just got there :( BAHAHA she wanted pizza after autopsying that guy… well she is going to make “the guy in there” pay for it. serves him right!!!

OH! the pizza guy is the vampire kid!!!!!!!

she’s soooo sleepy as she does the second autopsy…. ANOTHER NASTY SLIPPERY LARGE INTESTINE

she is going to fall asleep like this!!!!!!

then she gets a phone call that is just heavy breathing. so she hangs tf up!!! 

this dead guy has pizza in him too!!!! OH.... she realizes the chloral hydrate must be in the pizza!! and it must be the pizza guy who is the killer!! and oh no, mulder!!!

scully bangs down the door to her motel room and mulder isn’t visible….  just the creepy pizza kid!!!! she fires a bunch of shots at him, but he runs away!!

so mulder was drugged… and he says some very weird stuff about "shaft" that i don’t wish to unpack. hearing of this makes present mulder gasp and exclaim “i did not!” and yeah, i don’t even want to know <3

(a lot of times i google stuff i don’t understand due to not being alive in the 90’s. this one? i shall not google it. i am not a fool. i recoginzed Enough of those words to know i don't need to know)

she missed the pizza kid with her first four shots which is rare for her, ran after him, leaving poor drugged mulder behind, but somehow, mulder caught the kid before she did, where he... “overreacted”

damn. he's a track star even when drugged.

she argues that they can tell skinner they caught a killer, and that mulder's zeal was due to the drugging, which i think is a fine story.

but mulder is pissed! “you are afraid to tell the truth. that’s not the way it happened at all!” OHHH, I CANNOT WAIT TO GET HIS VIEW

“yesterday morning began like any other morning; you arrived at the office, characteristically less than exuberant” LMAOOOOOO BE NICE TO HER!!!

he remembers his explanations being very slow and gentle and her reactions being very sassy AND I’M LAUGHING AT HER “AND?” LMAOOOOO

she’s just LOOKING AT HIM and he doesn’t know wtf to do BAHAHA AND HE IS SOOO CAREFUL TO USE “APPARENTLY” and “VAMPIRE-LIKE” IN HIS DESCRIPTIONS OF THE ATTACKS LMAOOOO

he ends his very cautious assessment that this attack was "vampire-like" in nature by telling her “but as always, i’m very eager to hear your opinion” <- THAT DID NOT HAPPEN YOU LYING BASTARD!! YOU HAVE NEVER SAID THAT ONCE LMAOOOO

“well it’s obviously not a vampire” “well, why not?” “because they don’t exist?” <- BAHAHA that is ANOTHER GIFSET I SAW BEFORE I DECIDED TO WATCH THIS SHOW!! oh man, so this one really must be a fan favorite if i saw two scenes from it before i even started watching 

“well… that’s one opinion, and i respect that” <- BAHAHAHAAAA YOU LIAR!!!

so they go down to the funeral home where he points out the plentiful caskets- unusual for such a small town. scully had tuned out at this point. and you know what? can you blame her?

HE REMEMBERS THE SHERIFF AS HAVING HUGE BUCK TEETH THAT MAKES HIM HARD TO UNDERSTAND which present scully DENIES bahaha ohhh he’s jealous and she is gaaazing at sheriff hartwell and smiling and oh my god, mulder is so jealous 

he’s monologing on the nature of vampires but scully shoots this down

“there are as many kinds of vampires as there are cultures that fear them” <- ohhh nerd. NERD!!! nerdy thing to say.

she’s yawning as he talks about red hair being an indication of vampirism, gesturing to her, which happened in an AU fic i actually did briefly read once and would like to see explored in greater detail. i'm a sucker for fic or art with the "skeptic is actually a monster" trope

he is now at the cemetery with the sheriff, whose country accent has increased greatly between the agent's perspectives

cemeteries are a haven for vampires, “as are castles, catacombs, and swamps”, mulder points out, and i'm writing that down ✍️ 

he remembers this sheriff as being incredibly stupid. ohhh, the pizza guy pulls up at the cemetery!!! he waves hello and then drives off.

so they staked out the cemetery. fun times.

she wants to know why he cared so much about the corpse’s shoelaces, but he just looks at his OWN shoes lmaooo and says he’s getting to it 

he was leaving sunflower seeds for the vampires at the cemetery, because all vampires are obsessive compulsive. they must untie knots and count seeds. which is why he thinks the shoelaces were untied. fascinating bit of vampire lore.

but they must go to the RV camp, where there is a situation. ronnie the pizza guy is here!! there’s an RV that’s spinning around. 

mulder doesn’t want to talk about shooting out the tires... what is this man HIDING!! 

well, it turns out it is very hard to shoot the tires of a moving RV... so HE GRABBED ON THE BACK AND WAS SPUN AROUND IN CIRCLES BAHAHA WHYYYYY WAS THAT HIS NEXT COURSE OF ACTION?!?!?

finally, they manage to stop the damn thing. and inside the RV was a dead guy!!!! with puncture marks on his neck and untied shoes!!! gasp!!

when he returns back to the motel, he remembers scully yelling at him because she has to do another autopsy, saying “i do it all for you, mulder!” (which is CRAZY!) and that she hasn’t eaten since 6 that morning, and she only had a bagel, and it wasn’t even REAL CREAM CHEESE!!!

listen!! can you blame her for being furious?? she just paid for the magic fingers!!!

he remembers her leaving as being a great relief, and her SLAMMING THE DOOR SO HARD THE PAINTING SHOOK ON THE WALL BAHAHAHA

aww, he sees himself as the poor little victim…. bro. you MAY have had it rough with getting dragged around by an RV, but in her defense 1. that was your faulty idea and 2. it probably was still not as bad as having to do 2 autopsies on an empty stomach

he goes to get in the shower. ohhh hello. that is a man who is emerging scantily clad.

now ronnie the pizza guy is here, and mulder is saying that he will pay for the tasty food. not knowing it contains the sleepy stuff!

he opens up the pizza and sighs with relief: “ah, scully” <- oh, so you think she has good taste in pizza toppings? that’s hilarious 

“so, i ate your dinner” <- okay, well at least he’s honest about that!! a grown man on the vibrating bed, noticing his shoes were untied…. and the drugging is taking place!! this is instant karma for such a pizza thief!!

he tries to call scully, but only groans into the phone…. then ronnie returns

BAHAHA he recalls scully calling the voice on the phone a creep <- well, you can’t really blame her!!!!!! 

ronnie is here, and his eyes glow and he has fangs… but the inebriated mulder manages to toss his sunflower seeds on the ground, thwarting ronnie the vampire slash pizza guy's plan!! which prompts him to say “aw man!” (LMAOOOOO) and then mulder's back out in sleepy land… 

when he comes to, scully is bursting in the door, and she shot ronnie TWO TIMES IN THE CHEST!!! to no effect!!!

scully is shocked at this recollection: “and then he sort of flew at me like a flying squirrel?” BAHAHA

so, she runs after ronnie into the woods, while mulder breaks a chair leg to make a stake… and bam. the "overreaction".

scully points out that no one will believe that story, but he says they will have to when they examine ronnie’s body

(i think it's very funny/sweet that scully does not remember being able to shoot ronnie, but mulder remembers her aim being perfect and that it was simply ineffective because you cannot kill vampires with bullets. not sure whose perspective is the objective truth, but it's adorable he remembers her being a great aim)

someone else is examining ronnie now. what shall he find??? bleh, he takes the stake out! nasty nasty!!! what if ronnie gets up and runs away??

OH RONNIE *IS* GETTING UP!!!! and his eyes are set on this coroner!!!! he attacks!!!

poor scully and mulder are waiting for skinner… she tries for fix his tie, but he shoos her away!!! so rude!!! there is no gesture more loving than the adjustment of a necktie!!

she asks him to keep reminding skinner that he was drugged, which ALSO pisses mulder off. BUT IS SHE WRONG??? IT WILL GO A LONG WAY!!

THEN WHEN SKINNER COMES IN HE STANDS STRAIGHT UP AND ANNOUNCES “I WAS DRUGGED” <- LMAOOOOOO

(i laughed so hard at this that i accidentally hit the pause button, and i’m looking at mulder's expression and scully watching him, and there are TEARS in my eyes)

skinner sighs deeply…. and says they have to go back to texas!! ronnie’s body is gone, and the coroner was attacked!! his throat was “sort of… gnawed on” LMAO?????

“but… he was dead” “i noticed that” (mulder is doing his slutty hands on hips while thinking pose)

so they’re back out to the yeehaw cemetery. why would a real vampire need fake fangs? well, mulder answers, the fangs of vampires are rarely mentioned in folklore!

“i think maybe you were right before when you said that this is just a guy who’s watched too many dracula movies. he just happens to be a real vampire” <- BAHAHAAAA I SMACKED MY CHEST I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THIS

scully sighs deeply. average scully reaction.

the sheriff pulls up!!! she turns to him and points at her teeth, indicating that to mulder that his teeth are NORMAL LMAO 

GASP... HE LEAVES AND SAYS THE SHERIFF SHOULD STAY WITH HER… THEN HE PUTS HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER AND SAYS “don’t say i never did anything for you” OH MY GOD?

mulder was so jealous before and now he is leaving her with this man... what does this say about him!!!

he’s off to the RV park, and scully is here to share some coffee with this sheriff. 

woah, he asks her about vampires….. and she says they’re supposed to be charming and seductive, but who is to say if that is the case? after all, there are many kinds of vampires. wait. why did he say “yup, sure are” I DON’T LIKE THAT!!

HE APOLOGIZES FOR RONNIE AND SAYS HE MAKES US ALL LOOK BAD? “i mean, we pay taxes, we’re good neighbors” OMG LOOK AT HER FACE WHEN SHE REALIZES WHAT HE MEANS!?!

NOOO, SHE DRANK THE COFFEE HE GAVE HER, AND NOW SHE’S PASSING OUT!!! DON’T TOUCH HER, CREEPY SHERIFF MAN WITH NOW-GLOWING EYES!!!!!

mulder is at this RV park far away!!! run, run back to her!!!! she is going to be out of blood by the time you return!!!

he goes into the RV from earlier and finds more pizza… and a casket!!! with ronnie inside!!! listening to a walkman!!

he sits on his coffin as he reads ronnie his miranda rights…. but the whole RV park is full of vampires and they are coming to get him!!!

so he handcuffs the coffin shut, grabs some breadsticks, makes a crucifix, trying to repel them…. which is objectively hilarious... but they take him????? TO DO WHAT???

and he’s found the next morning with his feet out the window of a car. AND WHY IS SHE IN THE SHERIFF’S JACKET?? 

he checks her neck and his own for fang marks, but they don’t seem to have any. they just have no memories at all from the evening before!!! and every single RV is gone!!! and mulder's shoes are untied!!!

skinner is being told that the vampires simply disappeared

“and that’s exactly the way it happened, start to finish?”

(silence) “well, i can neither confirm nor deny agent mulder’s version of events, which occurred outside my presence” “and i can neither confirm nor deny agent scully’s version of events, but, um…” “anyway, i was drugged” (LMAO SCULLLLYY) “that is…. essentially, exactly the way it happened” “essentially”

we fade to black with this. (“except for the part about the buck teeth”, adds mulder)

LMAOOOO??? that was it??? 

no answer. no convictions. the vampires all just left. 

someone else recently pointed out that despite them never figuring out wtf happened on these cases, they somehow have the highest success rate at the FBI, and that is so funny because. by jove. the other FBI members must be terrible at their jobs.

okay, so i could not stop laughing during this episode, and the sheriff plot twist really surprised me. so she never actually *slept* with the vampire, she just had a little crush on him!!! therefore, i must have misinterpreted that comment someone made on my post waaayyy back in s2.

but he *did* drug her, and she woke up in his jacket, which has… implications, especially when we earlier opened with a prison assault joke. 

but. okay. maybe i’m just hyper-sensitive to these things and it didn’t intend to be interpreted that way. plus, mulder was drugged too, and also woke up with no memory of what went down. at least there's gender equality in that regard.

ohhh, mulder was jealous!!! they both think of the other as too harsh!!! it’s fascinating to see how they see each other!!! he thinks he’s this suave encyclopedia of vampire knowledge, and she thinks he’s the type of guy that slaps down plane tickets on the desk and says yeehaw!

she thinks she’s overworked and taken advantage of, and he thinks she’s overly negative and hates all of his theories and ideas!!!

oh, the joys and sorrows of being with someone 24/7. and yet. the absolute MINUTE she leaves for vacation. he’s blowing up her phone. bahahahaaaa. couple’s therapy now. 

i remember someone pointed out in 3x13 that it was almost like the writers were trying to prove why they would never make a good couple in the way they got along horrifically when mercury was in retrograde or whatnot. i feel like maybe the writers intended for that to happen again this episode, like they were pointing at them and saying "SEE? this is why they can't kiss! they get on each other's nerves!"

joke's on you, i love couples that annoy each other. so jot that down.

oh, it was a good episode. a nice little silly one. which we all deserved after last season, and frankly even after earlier in this season as well.

mulder: let her fix your tie >:(

[darcytaylor]

Idk if anyone else is having the same experience as me, but as a fandom neutral who doesn't ship anyone, I don't feel any sort of way about the recent info we've been getting? I don't feel like we're learning anything new, this is pretty much what's been going on, it's status quo.

What's been interesting for me to observe in this situation is the fandom meltdown surrounding it in response to what is essentially no news? It's like a giant Jenga tower of conjecture, wishful thinking and rumors was stacked up to high heaven and now a bottom piece has been pulled out, but the blocks where never from the same set to begin with, so they never even fit together properly? Some of the fans built narratives on top of other narratives and they've basically hurt themselves by ignoring crucial information but at the same time leaning into what they've interpreted as hints of things that they want to happen or be true.

Nic and Luke haven't addressed anything one way or the other and the fandom has sort of diverged into its own thing, almost separate from the people it's supposedly built around, and any info that challenges the favorite narratives is pushed against vehemently, which only perpetuates the cycle of hurt when more of it emerges.

Nothing has actually happened here. Nic is traveling with friends and attending events related to her field of work. Luke is potentially on vacation with his partner, perhaps visiting her family. These are things we've seen them do in the past multiple times, both with the same and different people. Maybe the response is so outsized because they did an unexpected thing in that they posted hints about what they were doing? But at the same time, the fandom whipped itself into a frenzy of anticipation over stories that were very innocuous at heart?

Anyway, I think we've reached a point of disconnect between fandom and celeb that can't be reconciled atp. It feels like a disembodied cluster for the sake of community and having something - anything - to connect over. It hasn't been about the actual people at the core of it for a long time.

This is such a well-articulated take! I agree with your observations, especially the idea of the fandom almost evolving away from the actual people at the core. It feels like the narratives some fans have built for themselves have created a feedback loop, where every new piece of "information" is filtered through an already established lens, even if that information doesn’t actually say anything new.

The Jenga metaphor you used is really good! People have built these intricate structures on top of speculation, and when even the smallest piece doesn’t fit or gets pulled out, the whole thing topples into chaos. I think you’re right that the disconnect between fandom and the actual people has been growing for a while now. And it’s probably made worse by the fact that neither Nicola and Luke aren't addressing anything directly, which leaves a vacuum that fans keep trying to fill with their own ideas.

I also love how you pointed out that Nicola and Luke are just doing things we've seen before - traveling, spending time with friends and/or partners - yet the response to these normal activities is wild. It's like the fandom may be searching for something that isn't there. Maybe that’s why things feel so dramatic when, in reality, it’s business as usual for them.

Thanks for sending this in! I think your perspective is a breath of fresh air in all the noise surrounding this situation. It really does feel like a reminder to take a step back and let things unfold naturally rather than force narratives that may lead to frustration!

I also want to add that it's okay to ship whoever you want together. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences and interpretations. And I think it can be fun. However, when that leads to leaving awful comments - towards others, myself included in that - because I don’t take it at face value, it becomes toxic. That might be a sign that it’s time to take a step back and let things just unfold naturally.

[boyincel]

DATE WITH DEATH

hi :3 I wanted to finally publicly share somewhere a little passion project of mine!

date with death is a fictional slasher franchise invented by me! I’ve never really considered it to be an oc universe, more like movies that existed in an alternate universe, so it is meant to be as period accurate/realistic as possible. it has a tiny fandom of my friends but is always open to more members :) under the cut I’ll talk more about it and my plans. I will be talking about it like it exists so mild warning for unreality if that kind of thing bothers you

If you have any questions PLEASE ask away

date with death has three films, date with death (1995), date with death 2: summer break (1997), date with death 3: school reunion (2005).

the films revolve around a masked killer with no name, but sometimes referred to as john doe or nicknamed masky, as he wears a prom suit and a white bird/plague masquerade mask. in the films, masky stalks and picks off various popular teenagers in cliques in a twisted display of love

date with death: in the days leading up to prom in a small town, teenagers in a popular clique are getting mysteriously picked off, their bodies displayed in strange and grotesque ways. as the teens fight amongst themselves, revealing petty rivalries and secrets, can they come to their senses in time to make it to prom, or will the killer find his perfect prom date?

date with death: summer break: gracie returns to her old town to take care of her ill mother over summer break, and with the killer dead there should be no threat, right? when more murders begin, gracie tries to leave, but finds herself stranded. will she be able to face her past at the biggest party the teens of the town have to offer, or will her killer return to take her as his prom queen?

date with death: school reunion: past memories bring gracie back to her highschool for the ten year school reunion. despite living a peaceful life now, her old friends missing at the event stir up former fears, and that night she goes to dig up the killer’s grave just to make sure. to her horror, it’s empty. the killer is back, and he’s picking off all the popular, bitchy, self absorbed no-longer-teens he missed the first time around. will gracie finally escape the killer from her past, or will it be til death that they part?

some other stuff!!!

the DWD franchise also has a graphic novel based around april fools and one based around valentines day. i have various trivia about the behind the scenes of the films and also about the fandom surrounding the movies. I have details about all the characters in the first movie and the actors that play them, and some details about the songs in the film (more notably, I think we’re alone now by Tiffany plays in an iconic scene in the first film)

future plans!

I really want to write up actual full film scripts off the films and potentially novel adaptations since the full plots exist only in my brain right now! I wanna draw thumbnails of shots I have in my brain and I have a film nerd boyfriend who wants to help me with some photography and short segments of filming! I doubt I’ll ever create it fully in the way that it is in my head but it’s an ongoing dream of mine :)

I’ll elaborate more on this if asked!! I may post random stuff on this blog like it exists so uhhh yeah! feel free to join the date with death fandom!!!!!

[likealittleheartbeat]

hey! i really enjoy your analysis of aang and zuko's relationship, and i was just wondering if you have any thoughts on this:

when aang considers what he's afraid of the most, he doesn't just see zuko - he sees the blue spirit. why do you think his fear is linked to that mask? zuko was the most amicable towards him when he put that mask on, and was hostile every other time.

Ooooh!! This is such a rich and meaty question!! And it's something I've wondered about but never dove into before.

I guess there are a couple of questions we need to explore. One, do we want to begin to analyze this from Aang's perspective or the series' themes, which, when put together, should offer us the fullest idea of what the intent might be? If we begin with Aang's perspective, then the next question we need to next ask what is Aang's view of Zuko and/or the Blue Spirit at this point in the narrative? My worry about beginning at that intimate level is that we might miss possible connections that a thematic understanding might facilitate and may, like many fandom analyses, leave it at a character level when, in fact, the characters exist to serve larger philosophical purposes, especially in a show like ATLA.

So, we'll return to those questions about Aang after we visit some questions about the broader themes here. We know for a fact that the team did a lot of research into Eastern philosophies that they had to then pack down into 24 minute episodes, preserving a surprising amount of complexity not in the words but in the actions and visuals. The 2 part Crossroads of Destiny episode is probably the most evocative of this practice. The four-way fight scene is celebrated for the way it masterfully shows character development through fight choreography. Then, Aang's crystal chamber he forms to master the Avatar State is a direct reference to a statement about pre-enlightenment in one of the foundational texts about Japanese Zen for American Buddhists, "The Three Pillars of Zen." The rapid explanations of the seven chakras with Guru Pathik might seem like a a skimming of Tantric beliefs based on the brief statements and processing, but it's another prime example the way ATLA suffuses meaning beyond the script.

What more can be said about the Earth (also called the Root or Muladhara) Chakra, then, that the show might reflect without stating it explicitly. Guru Pathik explains that the Earth Chakra "deals with survival." Is there any subject more prescient than that for our protagonist, the single survivor of an otherwise all-encompassing genocide? Other accounts of this chakra that I can find explain that it's at this chakra that one can observe that their base needs are being met--enough food, enough water, etc. There seems to be a subtle witnessing to the effects of PTSD here then. With this chakra untouched, unopened, and out of balance, Aang within his mind has been living in a state of emergency without knowing it, believing himself at a core level beyond his consciousness to still be under immediate threat even in moments of peace like his meditations throughout the opening of his chakras. "Your vision is not real," Guru Pathik points out, not to say that no danger exists for him in the world but to illuminate the immediate reality surrounding his person.

The memories and visions that flash during the sequence hint at how fear conceals deeper realities and thus possibilities. I'll start with the clip of Katara sinking away from the first episode of Book 2, "The Avatar State." The Earth Kingdom General performed this cruelty after many other attempts to force Aang into suffering to gain the Avatar State. Believing he lost another person he loved, the state was triggered despite the actuality that Katara was unharmed. The fear of her loss overwhelmed Aang, and even her safe return could not assuage his traumatic response. The Blue Spirit incident forms a striking parallel to this event, in that case. Aang felt himself helpless and in danger only to discover the opposite: the seemingly malevolent force freed him from danger. Further, that Blue Spirit Mask concealed Zuko who, by the end of the series, will be revealed (to himself and) Aang as an ally and a friend. The shadowy image of Ozai, then, connected with these two fear-inducing semblances, can be seen then as perhaps the ultimate foreshadowing of Aang's ultimate success in pacifying Ozai. Put in the context of this chakra and the other two visions, it frames the Firelord as a facade meant to induce terror and distance, when in reality, life and humanity still lay behind the horrifying megalomania.

Concerning the Blue Spirit element specifically in the series, I want to explore one more factor within the series before getting back to Aang's character relationship in this moment. Blue has a running symbolic theme within the series that seems especially relevant here since it played a huge role in a highly symbolic part of the directly previous episode, "The Earth King." As Zuko rides out his psychogenic fever induced by releasing Aang's bison and abandoning his Blue Spirit mask, he is confronted in his dreams by a blue dragon voiced by Azula and a red dragon voiced by Iroh. I felt really confused by these two would-be shoulder angels for the longest time (literally until I was sorting my thoughts out to write this) because Azula's blue dragon is the one who entreats Zuko to rest, which even in Grey Delisle/Azula's clearly threatening tone--she even ends the temptation by saying "sleep just like mother!"--seemed to be what Zuko needed to do as opposed to the red dragon's exhortations to get out. I could see how sleeping might also refer to accepting his upbringing without thought, but why blue? The layers upon layers of possible meaning overwhelmed me.

I posit that blue in the series, especially when put in relationship to red/orange, as it is in the dream sequence, the dynamic between the water tribe and the fire nation, the fire of zuko and azula (especially the final agni kai), and the energy-bending of Aang over Ozai in the finale, ought to be read as Yin (making red/orange yang). Yin is passive, retractive, and receptive, which makes the invitation to rest by a blue dragon make perfect sense. Yin is also feminine in nature, hence the association with both Azula (whose blue fire and lightning becomes especially interesting to explore under this understanding) and Zuko's mother in the dualistic dragon dream. If you know anything about yin and yang, you know that it's key tenet is ever-changing coordination of yin and yang within one entity and with relationships between entities rather than the privileging of one above another. The two dragons in Zuko's dream, while seemingly in opposition to one another, are actually seeking, like the bumper stickers say, "coexistence" of their dispositions.

Now, back to Aang's vision of fear over the Blue Spirit. The red that overlays everything is specifically a reference to the Earth Chakra, which is symbolized by the color red. But the fact that he has one fear of Katara, the pinnacle of blueness/yin in the series, dying, and another fear of the Blue Spirit, a de-flamed (read: emasculated) Zuko attacking him that are then overlayed by this Earth Chakra red, a color otherwise used to portray yang (masculinity, activeness, expansion, and repulsion) and the fire nation in the series, suggests that his fears are specifically about within holding onto yin nature (symbolized by his grasping for a disappearing Katara) without being entirely overwhelmed by it (in the image of the fear he felt as the Blue Spirit approached his imprisoned body). And all those fears are intensified when living in such a patriarchal, or yang-skewed age and society, which gets depicted through both the final image of Ozai, the ultimate patriarch within this world, and the red coloring.

I promised I would get back to the characters, and after that hopefully illuminating thematic expansion, we can hopefully get at the core of what's going on here for Aang personally and what it might mean for him to be picturing Zuko with the Blue Spirit mask as a fear. I want to put this moment into context with Aang and Zuko's relationship at this specific moment. Aang hasn't seen Zuko since he watched him cry over his uncle in the ghost town after Azula struck him with lightning as a diversion. That was ten episodes prior (and more than 6 months time if you were watching the show in real time as it premiered; May 26th-Dec. 1st). The next time Aang sees Zuko, two episodes later, they are glowering across a crystal prison cell at one another with antipathy as they're embraced (a gesture I can only remember from the fantastic black romance film Love & Basketball, and in a gay context that is clearly referencing that moment in L&B, in the Norwegian teen romance series Skam). Right before this scene, Aang readily agrees to co-rescue Zuko and Katara with Uncle Iroh despite Sokka's protestations. Nothing seems amiss with Aang, no obvious belligerence toward Zuko until he sees him. Zuko has barely seen the airbender this whole season, and the one moment they encountered one another, Zuko was attacking Aang's attacker rather than him. Why is Aang expressing anger toward Zuko in the crystal chamber then? It's a rare expression from Aang even when we look at their more antagonistic interactions from the first season.

Here's where this vision of the blue spirit Aang envisions as he opens his earth chakra might enliven his characterization and his relationship to Zuko. We get two pieces here. His attachment to Katara and the queer implications of his partnership with the Blue Spirit/Zuko. And they are inseparable.

I don't feel that I need to especially dive into the attachment to Katara since it's been a pretty big component of discourse within the fandom, both in general analysis and more specifically relating to the (literally historic) shipping wars between zutara and kataang that emerged after the series came out originally. What I'll say here is that the first vision that Aang has as he addresses his root chakra points to his fear of losing her and what she represents pretty explicitly and, as I suggested earlier, also provides its antidote in the realization that accepting/surrendering the fear of impermanence reveals its simultaneous illusion. Katara wasn't actually harmed and wasn't truly lost when the general subsumed her into the ground. Aang has to let go of her as a permanent fixture that he'll always be able to see and know entirely (not, as many have interpreted it, let go of loving her). He'll also have to let go of saving her and the world of so many others she represents, which is as much a pressure and role Katara and others put on him as Aang yolks himself to.

Part of this acknowledgement of Katara's impermanence as a living being and a romantic possibility is addressing the others in her life who pose both danger and attraction for her. Zuko embodies both of these things simultaneously. The aggressive stare Aang launches at Zuko in "The Crossroads of Destiny" can be understood through this lens. The Eve Sedgwick's concept of the triangulation of male homosocial desire between romantic rivals was one of the foundational ideas of queer theory. It's so well-established as to be a meme among the tumblr crowd. The show even references the history of these literary homosocial tropes in "The Avatar and the Firelord" as Sozin and Roku's tight-knit youthful friendship is slowly rent apart at the event of Roku's heterosexual marriage, which thus begins the imperialism of the Fire nation.

Except that Roku and Sozin aren't romantic rivals. And Zuko's obsession with Aang begins sans Katara. And, as you pointed out, if the romantic threat is Zuko, it ought to be Zuko in the Earth Chakra vision instead of the Blue Spirit? Well, those all exist because ATLA is not a tragedy for homosocial relationships, and it's hard for me to explain how groundbreaking that was.

You see, the show theorizes homosociality differently. If Aang is required to let go of Katara, he has no pivot point, no object (because women shouldn't be objects for male fodder!) to connect with and compete with a rival male, so he has to look directly at the desire of another male for him and, therefore, face the fears that he might have similar desires. I said above that the Blue Spirit is an entirely de-flamed Zuko, which I then paralleled to emasculation. One could even go farther to call it a kind of symbolic castration (Firelord Ozai losing his firebending at the end of the series certainly demands this kind of reading). These aspects ignite fears about lacking masculinity which then cause reactions, which make men avoid accepting any thoughts and behaviors associated with vulnerability and homosexuality invoked within themselves or by others.

I think Aang, in his way, is confronting these fears but not from the angle of someone raised within a homophobic or misogynistic culture. His openness to Zuko and the potential of connection to him is ripe from the first time they meet--"you're just a teenager" connects them without any intermediary. He comes to understand the rigidness of the environment he's in, though. He feels like he's being forced to choose between a yang/masculine role he plays with Katara, who at this point in the series though growing out of it and certainly not a fault of her own making still sees him as her savior and depends on him to save her and the world through metaphysical mastery and the repulsion of evil, and yin/feminine role he plays with Zuko, who finds Aang in and forces him into positions of elusion, surrender, and passivity, while requiring his compassion and forgiveness. When the Blue Spirit comes swinging his swords (read that with all the innuendos you want lol) at a shackled Aang, it's the ultimate expression of Aang's potential for submissiveness because, not only is he entirely helpless but the one who could harm or save him in that scenario is another who is not participating in the expected power of fire/yang/masculinity.

I think everything in the show says this is attractive to Aang--that he remains with Zuko immediately after their escape from the fort, that he reflects on the Blue Spirit as he opens his chakras, that a reference to the conversation that followed their escape that Zuko makes halts him in his tracks when Zuko asks to join the team. Zuko's Blue Spirit persona means a lot to Aang, a scary amount, and my point is that it's this fear of the meaningfulness of their encounter as two men who are not the masculine paragons they are supposed to be which Aang faces as he opens his chakra. As much as he wants Katara, he wants Zuko. He fears he'll lose Katara and he fears he'll lose his life to Zuko. These are the dichotomies he's tackling as he processes the Earth chakra.

Aang eventually opens the chakra, but that's only to say he acknowledges and surrenders his fears to a destiny and understanding beyond his control, not that he necessarily learns how to address and solve all the conundrums contained therein. We know he chooses his attachment to Katara at the end of the episode to obtain power over the Avatar state but perhaps we could've been clued into this choice by noticing he has not chosen Zuko with that initial glare Aang gives him. Aang hasn't found a way in his chakras or his heart to hold both Katara and Zuko at once, so he chooses Katara and expresses a newfound jealousy and rivalry toward Zuko (not that Zuko's at his best behavior at this point, but it's Aang who initiates the exchange).

By the end of this season, Zuko abandons the Blue Spirit mask and Aang loses his life for prioritizing Katara and a yang-centric mastery of the Avatar state. The next season involves all three of the protagonists finding more internal balance between yin and yang for themselves and accepting mutually reciprocal feelings for one another that allow them to escape the kinds of patriarchal tropes that have dominated Anglo- literature for centuries. The ability of this brief sequence to highlight so many of the series' central revolutionary themes speaks to the depth of the show and the way it invites the audience to think about rich subtext rather than pedantically hammer us with morals will just continue to be the gift that keeps giving from this show.

Thanks so much for asking! Didn't know how much I missed doing a deep dive into this kind of stuff.