#baby lasagna fanfiction

[caribbean1989]

Stage Fright - a Baby Lasagna fanfiction

Who: Marko Purisic / Baby Lasagna Request: maybe smt where you work for esc and marko has a panic attack before going on the stage and your there for him calming him down and stuff. just angsty with lots of comfort. Requested by: anonymous. Word count: 2010 Warnings: contains descriptions of panic attack / anxiety / stage fright. Lots of angst, but also some comfort 😇

A/N: I usually write footballer imagines and fandom whump, so writing something like this is quite new to me. Hope you'll like it, let me know what you think of it 😇 If you want me to write more like this, you can always make a request through my Asks 😉

This story can also be found on my AO3 account, here. For more information on my Baby Lasagna fanfics, see this masterpost.

At your job working backstage at concerts and events, you were one of the people making sure everything went smoothly backstage, and that the performers had all they needed. This month you would be working at the Eurovision Song Contest. 

Today was the biggest day of all: the final.  You felt confident. Everything had been rehearsed endlessly, the semi-finals had already gone well, and you had built up a good relationship with most of the performers and their entourages. 

It was a nice group of artists this year, but one still was your personal favourite: Baby Lasagna. At first you were drawn to the Croatian candidate because of the rather unusual name, but you quickly learned he went by Marko off-stage, and was somewhat different from the other participants. He was a flamboyant personality on-stage, which proved to be the complete opposite of how his personality was off-stage. 

You didn’t need long to see Marko was actually rather shy, could be very insecure, and was humble and polite. There was a cheeky side to him as well once you got to know him better. You liked that about him, and, without actively trying to, you already formed a rather close friendship with him in only this short time of working together. 

That was why you immediately knew something was wrong when you found Marko sitting alone on the day of the final, huddled away from everything and everyone.  He sat amongst crates of sound equipment, on the floor, in a dark corner of the backstage maze, hugging his knees. His hands were clamped so tightly around his legs that his fingers had turned white, and he trembled like a leaf in the wind.  Marko had chosen a spot far from the foot traffic from and to the stage, hidden even from his own entourage, and it was a small miracle that you stumbled upon him like you had. 

"Marko?" You lowered yourself onto your haunches in front of him, but mindful to keep enough distance between yourselves so not to frighten him or make him feel more uncomfortable.

He looked disheveled, only vaguely aware of his surroundings, and surely not in control of his emotions.  In this moment he was not the extroverted Baby Lasagna, he was introverted Marko. The eccentric costume he wore on stage was replaced by regular jeans and a black hoodie. The make-up wasn’t applied yet, which might be a good thing, because you saw the tears on his face. The haunted look in his eyes scared you, worrying you even more about his well-being. 

Suddenly your mind went to a line from the song he was performing with here this week. 

My anxiety attacks.

Whilst Rim Tim Tagi Dim had people dancing all over the world, you couldn’t help but notice its darker meaning, too. And it clicked into place for you now. That line about anxiety wasn’t just a line. It actually held truth for Marko, and the proof of that was right in front of your eyes with him having a serious panic attack. 

"Marko?" You repeated softly.  His gaze flickered to you, but he didn’t acknowledge your presence in any other way.  "I need you to talk to me," you nudged carefully.  Marko swallowed hard. He made every effort to get himself to speak, but couldn’t. The words he meant to say got involuntarily silenced on their way to his mouth, and, finally, he just sadly shook his head. Fresh tears fell as he rested his forehead on his knees, shrinking even more into himself. 

Your heart broke for him. It was hard to believe you only met him a week and a half ago, with how much you already cared for him. 

Marko shivered in his hoodie. His breaths became even more rapid and shallow, accompanied by the occasional wheeze or whimper. He was losing more and more control over himself with every heartbeat of his racing pulse. Where first maybe only his hands had shook, there now wasn’t a muscle in his body that wasn’t shaking. He raised his head and looked up at you again, this time really seeing you. 

Marko’s lower lip trembled, and it took effort, but finally he got some words out. "Help me…" "I’m trying," you answered helplessly. You wanted nothing more than to help him, take him out of this panic attack, but you really had no idea where to begin. "Do you need me to bring someone from your team over?" "No!" Marko nearly jumped a foot into the air at the mere idea of that. "They don’t need to see me like this. I’m a mess, I…" "Calm down, calm down," you tried to ease. "We can do this. You and I, we can get you through this."

Having suffered from panic attacks yourself, you suddenly remembered what your sister used to do for you to get you to calm down. "Marko." You got his attention. "I want to try something to help you calm down. Are you okay with me touching you?" He still was in the height of his panic attack, with fear wild in his eyes, but he still nodded his head. He wasn’t sure what you had in mind, but he trusted you.

You scooted closer to him, fully sitting down on the floor by his side. Marko trembled heavier than ever and he was truly hyperventilating now. Tears sparkled in his eyes, but he gave in to you. He wanted for you to offer comfort and take him out of this anxiety. 

"Close your eyes," you said softly.  Marko hesitated for just a second, but slowly closed his eyes. He didn’t know you for that long, yet you felt secure and safe to him. "Whenever you’re no longer comfortable with anything I’m doing, you need to tell me," you insisted, "and I’ll stop immediately." Marko gave you a strained nod, but he surrendered to you. 

You moved slowly, making sure not to make any unexpected movements which would cause Marko any more fright.  You placed one of your hands flat on his chest. Only now you realised how heavy this panic attack actually was for him. His chest heaved and trembled under your hand, and now that you were closer to him, you heard the whimpers that were hidden in the wheezes of his breathing.  With your other hand you picked up his wrist, gently pressing two fingers against the pulse point. As you had expected, his heart was racing. 

"I need you to focus on my hand on your chest." You kept your voice as calm and serene as possible. Marko dipped his head once, eyes still firmly pressed shut.  "Whenever I press into your chest, I need you to breathe in through your nose, and try and press my hand away with your chest," you instructed, "when I release the pressure, you exhale slowly through your mouth." Marko wanted to speak, show you he had understood, but he found his words once again stolen from him by the panic attack. Instead, he dipped his head once again, but it was all the confirmation you needed. 

You slowly and gently pressed the palm of your hand a little firmer into his chest.  Marko took a shaky breath. He did his best to get his lungs to fill properly and get his chest to give counter-pressure against your hand, but couldn’t quite manage.  "It’s alright," you eased him, "take your time. Just focus on the rhythm of the pressure of my hand and try to breathe with that." You felt how Marko was really trying to, but also how he wasn’t succeeding yet. His inhales were broken by shudders, and his exhales disrupted by sudden and involuntary gulps.  "That’s it," you encouraged anyway, "easy does it."

Your hand never left his chest as you gently applied pressure and released it, with Marko doing his utmost best to get his breathing to fall in sync with it. You spoke soft encouragements, yet the silent moments in between were filled with Marko’s quiet whimpers.  It didn’t matter to you how long it would take, you would help Marko through this. 

---

Eventually, you sat with Marko like that for well over 30 minutes. There was no reason to rush anything. Soundchecks for the grand finale of tonight wouldn’t be starting for another few hours, so you gave him all the time he needed to pull himself out of this panic attack.

Marko’s pulse had returned to a regular, calm rhythm, as had his breathing. His trembling had subsided, but he sat beside you looking worn out from everything he had just gone through. 

You gently let your hand fall away from Marko’s chest for the first time again. You kept a close eye on him, but he was able to keep his breaths calm by himself now. "Open your eyes," you said softly. Marko slowly did so. Even though the area where you sat was dimly lit, he still squinted at the light. He ran slightly trembling fingers through his silvery hair, before he finally looked up at you sitting next to him. 

"I’m sorry about that." Marko sounded tired. "No need to apologise." You shook your head. "May I ask what happened?" "This happened." Marko chuckled wryly, motioning his hands to the area around you. "I’ve never performed at an event of this magnitude before. And… well, my stage fright took the better of me, I guess. It does that sometimes."

The airiness with which he spoke of his stage fright was pitiful, almost like it was the most common thing in the world for him. "But it doesn’t often get this bad, I reckon," you said sympathetically.  "No." Marko sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair once more. "It doesn’t usually lead to a full-blown panic attack, and certainly not like this one, but, apparently, big stages lead to big anxiety." A dark chuckle followed. "That’s not even remotely funny," you scoffed. Marko gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I’m used to it by now."

He shifted his body, grunting softly as he stretched his cramped legs out in front of him. He leaned his head back against one of the crates behind him and glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. 

"But what you did really helped me." He spoke after a few seconds of silence. "I’m not quite sure I would have gotten through this one on my own, so I’m really grateful." You shrugged. "I’ve got a bit of experience with panic attacks as well, I’m afraid. So I know how bad they can get."

Marko’s gaze slowly shifted back to you. "Yourself or helping someone deal with it?" "Myself, unfortunately." You sat back into a more comfortable position, too. "Some events in life leave more scars than you can imagine," you added darkly.  "I’m sorry." Marko shortly rested a hand on your arm in support.  "What I just did with you, my sister used to do that for me whenever my anxiety flared up," you explained, "it always helped me through it, so…" You let your voice trail off.  "Well, tell her it’s a good technique." Marko winked lazily. "And I’m glad you’re the one who found me just now. Thank you." The sincere thankfulness was in his voice and in every fibre of his being. 

The two of you talked for a while longer, before Marko slowly hoisted himself back onto his feet. He looked steady again, ready to go, and a glimpse of the extroverted Baby Lasagna shone through the cracks again. 

"Will you be alright?" You stood back up, too.  "Yes." Marko nodded confidently. "I know it sounds strange, especially after what you’ve seen just now, but it feels like I needed to get this out of my system in order to be ready for tonight." You chuckled, glad to see the sparkle of joy back in his eyes, instead of the sparkle of tears and panic. "Come see me if anything threatens to overwhelm you again." Marko nodded gratefully. "I sure will."

[the-baby-lasagna-blog]

Black Out - a Baby Lasagna fanfic

Who: Baby Lasagna / Marko Purisic Request: pls could you do one where marko faints after a big performance? maybe he goes a bit too far in the performance and the reader is there as first aid? Requested by: anonymous Word count: 1217 Warnings: contains descriptions of fainting / passing out.

If you want me to write more Baby Lasagna fics, you can always make a request through my Ask Box. For more information on my Baby Lasagna fics, please see this masterpost.

Marko knew what was about to happen to him the moment his performance in this final Dress Rehearsal for the Eurovision Song Contest was coming to an end.

He had given this performance, the one the juries from all countries would be basing their points on, more than his all. He had sung, danced and pranced around as if his life depended on it, and Marko realized in the back of his mind that he had pushed himself over every limit he had. He would surely be paying a price for it...

And indeed.

As soon as he struck the final pose of his performance, he felt the world spinning around him. Every muscle in his body either trembled with fatigue or felt like jelly. Marko knew he had gone too far. And even though it had been worth it, he knew he would end up on the floor sooner or later.

With the last of his strength, Marko managed to walk off the stage in somewhat of a straight line. If anything, he wasn't going to collapse in front of the judges and an entire arena filled with people.

He stumbled into the security of backstage. Just one step out of view from the audience was when his muscles refused to cooperate with him any longer.

Marko just registered sagging, almost gracefully, to his knees. He felt so dizzy now, like all the blood had drained from his face, and black spots were blurring his vision. He tried with all his might to hang onto consciousness, but the battle was already lost.

Not a second later, the world around him went dark, and Marko toppled sideways and fainted completely.

---

Marko wasn't sure how long he had been out for. There was a flurry of things happening around him when he regained consciousness somewhat. He couldn't see it, because he wasn't quite able to open his eyes yet, but he heard it. There were hurried footsteps, alarmed voices, and items being moved around.

Amidst the chaos, there was one act of comfort and peace: someone slowly rubbing circles between his shoulder blades.

Marko marginally opened his eyes. He was lying on his side on the floor, exactly where he vaguely remembered going down. His head rested on something soft, possibly a jacket or a vest which served as makeshift pillow. He felt sore from his fall, and was sure he'd earned himself a few bruises.

Marko found his wrist in someone else's hand, with fingers pressed gently against the pulse point, and discovered someone was sitting on the floor with him.

He opened his eyes a little further, shifting his head slightly to be able to look up at the person sitting next to him: you. Marko recognized you. He had seen you all week here backstage as part of the medical team that was always on standby for the contestants and the audience.

Marko stirred, rearranging his body somewhat, as a soft groan rolled off his lips, which caught your attention.

"Marko?" You moved your hand from his back to his shoulder, and leaned in a little closer to him. "Can you hear me? Are you back with me?" Marko nodded minutely. "I think so." His voice was flat and lifeless, but at least he was responding. "Don't move just yet," you soothed, "lie still for a little bit longer." Marko hummed softly in reply. He didn't feel even nearly ready yet to get back up, and he was glad you apparently saw it, too.

"I do need to ask you a few routine questions." You spoke softly. "Is that alright with you?" "Yeah." The word was a breath off Marko's lips, but you heard it. "Can you tell me where you are?" You started. "Arena," Marko mumbled back. "Day of the week?" You continued. "Friday." It cost Marko some difficulty to speak, but he managed to give you the right answers.

You gave him a little breather before you asked your next question. "Are you experiencing any chest pains or shortness of breath?" You asked calmly. Marko slowly shook his head. "No." You hadn't quite expected him to. You still had your fingers pressed against his wrist to feel a steady pulse, and his breathing looked calm and regular as well. "Any injuries?" You had already done a quick check on him just now, but had not been able to see anything that worried you. "No," he answered softly.

Marko shifted his legs a little. He gradually looked more lucid, and had his eyes open. A grimace crossed over his face as he stirred. You had seen it. "Painful?" "Yeah. Bit sore from going down, I guess." Marko's voice became clearer, and the words came easier to him again. "What happened to me?" "You fainted. Probably because of overexertion, possibly overheating." You were confident on your diagnosis. "I saw your performance. It rocked. Maybe a bit too much." You added with a chuckle. A small smile played on Marko's lips. "Too much of the good thing, huh?" "Definitely." You smiled. "Combined with having done that already about a dozen times this week, and the fact that this arena is not exactly cold, I guess it all became a bit too much. Seriously, though, I have no reason to assume anything more worrisome is going on." "That's a relief." Marko visibly relaxed a bit with that knowledge.

You gave Marko another few minutes to lay down. By now you could almost have a normal conversation with him again, even though he looked absolutely spent. You gently let go of Marko's wrist, trusting he would be fine. "Would you like to try to sit up?" You asked. "Yes, please," Marko nodded.

He moved as if in slow-motion. Clearly, he wasn't entirely trusting his own body yet, being very gentle in case it would betray him again. You, too, sat ready to catch him for if he would faint again.

Marko slowly propped himself up on one elbow, before carefully using his arms to push himself into a sitting position. He took it slowly, but he seemed alright. "You good?" You eyed him attentively. "I'm good." Marko's voice sounded tired, but his posture held a little confidence in himself again. He ran both his hands through his hair and blew out a deep breath.

"Here." You handed him a bottle of water. "Thanks." Marko gratefully accepted it from you. "What do I need to do now?" "Rest," you answered straight away. "Plenty of rest, and make sure to stay hydrated. So cancel whatever plans you have for the rest of the day, go back to your hotel and take it easy."

The apprehension was clear on Marko's face and you easily recognized the most burning question on his mind. "You'll be alright to perform in the final tomorrow," you eased him with a wink. Marko chuckled in relief. "You had me worried there for a second."

You rose to your feet and helped Marko get up, too. He looked steady again, and you were confident he would be perfectly alright after a good night's sleep. "Just take it easy for a little while, and I'm sure you'll be able to give another amazing performance tomorrow," you assured him. Marko smiled gratefully, reassured. "Thank you, and I certainly will."

[calm-smol]

HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT I WROTE?

Summary:

Despite his disqualification Joost couldn't find it in himself to leave just yet. Not before having a proper chat with Baby Lasagna.

Aka

I was watching Joost’s new Luchtballon music video and got the idea that Joost is in his villain era. But don't worry, he would never hurt Marko. All hail Evil Joost

[omegothic]

*opens ao3*

baby lasagna/silvester belt omegaverse fanfiction in ukrainian

9/11 joost klein fanfiction

"oh okay"

[macabr3-barbi3]

HI EVERYONE I GOT THIS COMMENT ON THE 500 FOLLOWER POLL (btw we hit it and I’ll be closing that poll at the end of the day so I can get started on the bonus fic 🥳)

This is a super hard question because there’s so so so much good content as far as fanfiction and just asdfghjkl it’s tough to limit it to just a few SO I will do a top 5 bc I have no self control

1) Method to Madness by @fraugwinska: one of my very first Hazbin reader fics by my very dear friend Frau, this fic is absolutely beautiful and just continues to get better! Everyone is characterized so so so well, the premise and execution constantly has me on the edge of my seat, the smut scenes are phenomenal, and Frau writes Alastor so perfectly 🤌 everything by her is wonderful, she is truly one of my favorite writers for this fandom as well as being a very good friend, but this fic in particular has a special place in my heart 💕

2) The Lookalike by @impale-me-radio-daddy: this fic did things to me. I think I've shared every chapter of it as it was posted but in case I wasn't clear, it's fucking amazing. The banter, the reader character, the smut scenes- perfection. All of it. I rest my case 📺📻 (pst they are also working on a new RadioStatic fic that has lots of fun dream shenanigans, keep an eye out 👀)

3) Bluest Monday/Say Hello, Wave Goodbye by @bapple117: I was not a RadioStatic girl before Bluest Monday but the way Bapple writes these two together is crack. The slow exploration of their relationship and how it changed from what was originally intended is gorgeous. I cried, I have no shame about it. And the continuation of everything in Say Hello, Wave Goodbye has been going wonderfully and I can't wait to see where everything goes 🩵❤️

4) What’s Your Frequency, Baby? by @elleinmotion: my first real Vox fic and the one that got me down bad for our favorite Samsung 😍 the way that they write him is just asdfh so delicious, in literally every way, the reader character is also an absolute babe with so much depth and I'm so so so in love with the story, especially now that Alastor is involved as well 👀 I want to somehow bake this fic into a lasagna and eat it

5) Scratch an Itch by @jurijyuu: another one of my first reader fics! The premise of this one was a little more gorey than I would normally get into (antler shedding and unknowing cannibalism, anyone?) but I'm so glad I took a chance with it because its SO GOOD and just like the rest, it just continues to get better 🦌 another dear friend and super talented writer that this fandom has brought to me 💗

honorable mentions to literally anything written by @hazelfoureyes, the Enter, Pursued by a Buck fics by Sharkdukes, The Ruination of Lucifer by Syaunei, and (even though its not a fic) the My Deer Nanny AU by notherpuppet 😁🥰

K THAT'S ALL FOLKS I LOVE ALL OF YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY

[nerdieforpedro]

Chucho’s Magic Pickles

A Pickled Peña Fic

Javier Peña x Luna (plus size OFC)

Fanfiction 18+

Javier Pena Masterlist / Main Masterlist / A03 link

Word Count: approx 3.2k

Warnings: Chucho is his own warning (we kinda see where Javi gets it from), food (besides the pickles - this is me people), father/son time, overuse of pickles, angst, cursing, fluff

Summary: Javier Peña had something that he wanted to discuss with Luna. His father’s been mentioning it every chance he gets. Chucho sings of the wonders he has found with his jar of gherkins.

Notes: I actually had a difficult time coming up with an idea for this fic because I haven’t written much for Javi P. I enjoyed giving him a bit of comedy because my other fics with him were angsty. Hopefully I can write some more fics for him this year. 😎 I dabbled in Canva for the graphic and the banner. 💚

Luna knew several things:

Her coworker Anna needed to come back to work to pick up her part of this project.

Her boyfriend’s father was the cutest old man who seemed to call every woman at the clinic he went to “Bonita (pretty)” and reserved “Hermosa (gorgeous)” for the older receptionist, Maria, who she may or may not have seen at his house when she dropped off food to him on occasion.

She wasn’t sure if she should tell her boyfriend about this, but she did encourage Chucho to talk to his son about it.

She’s been with her boyfriend for two years and she’s very happy with that. She doesn’t want anything to change. It’s the happiest she’s been in years.

Chucho sat on the couch, patting his thigh. He’d just come in from brushing the horses when he heard a truck pull up. It belonged to his only child Javier. He was happy to see him, they agreed to have lunch twice a week now he was home from Columbia and retired from the DEA. There were many things said about his son, some of which he’d heard from a few of his lady friends. They said that he was a coward for running away from his then fiance at the time, all the way to Columbia. They also said that his son had quite a way with women, not unlike Chucho did back before he met his dear late wife. He took all these with a grain of salt, especially when he finally returned to the United States.

He worried for his son, who he thought may remain unmoored while back in Loredo. It turns out, it was for naught as Javier worked with the sheriff’s department. He had responded to a sighting of a fugitive which didn’t pan out, it was an overeager young cop who thought they saw someone on the most wanted list but it was really old man Loggins who hadn’t been by the barbershop in two months due to a fishing trip and not wanting to leave his house.

As Javier walked up the steps to his father’s porch, he carried some lasagna that he was handed in town to deliver to his father from one of Chucho’s lady friends Ms. Lucia. It reminded him of when he met Luna, his girlfriend, she had been eating the same meal that day.

Two years prior…

It was a blistering hot day in Loredo, temperatures were over one-hundred degrees in the direct sun and even in the shade, they hovered around ninety-five degrees. Despite Javier forgoing his tan jacket to match the tan pants and shirt that went with his uniform, he still had large wet spots under his arms and around his neck. He stopped in Ms. Lucia’s restaurant hoping she’d take pity on him and not charge him for some iced tea. He wouldn’t be getting any whiskey until after he was off duty. His drinking had significantly cut down due to his hours, but his smoking not so much. Thankfully, Ms. Lucia gave him the water and iced tea in exchange for saying hello to his father for her. His father was popular with the older women despite spending most of his time on his range with the animals. The restaurant was fairly full for the lunchtime crowd and there weren’t really any open seats, Ms. Lucia walked Peña over to a table and sat him down across from a woman in a baby blue sundress.

He saw a woman who had a sheen to her skin from the heat despite the air conditioning. It was likely from the number of people in the restaurant, talking, eating, laughing and the like. She had a head full of hair and a mouth full of pasta when she looked up after hearing something across the table he assumed and covered her mouth as she was confronted with a grinning Javier sipping some cold ice water, feeling a few drops dribble down his chin and chest. It felt refreshing in this sweltering heat. The woman swallowed her food, her wide eyes trying to figure out who he was. He didn’t recognize her so she might be a transplant, just moved back or someone who came after he left. She cleared her throat and sipped some of her own water that some of the ice had melted clearly.

“Sorry about that. I didn't expect Ms. Lucia would sit someone at my table. I thought she’d give me a warning at least.” She smiled softly, clearly a little embarrassed but he found it endearing that and the small splotch of tomato sauce that was on the corner of her mouth. Peña grabbed a paper napkin from the dispenser in the middle of the table and tapped her cheek, wiping inward toward where the sauce was. He surprised himself by the action, he’d meant to hand it to her and point it out, but his hand moved on its own. What surprised him more is that she didn’t move, she just let him wipe her cheek, closing her eyes for a moment until he pulled back.

“Did you get it all?”

“Yes I did. Are you typically a messy eater?”

A soft chuckle rolled from Javier as he sat back, setting the napkin on the table. The woman folded her hands and sat a bit straighter, exposing that her sundress was form fitting on the top, hugging her chest, while it looked like the bottom flowed out from under her bust, it had short sleeves that stopped short of her elbows and were similarly stained as his shirt was.

“I can be at times. The lasagna here is delicious. Thanks for wiping that for me.” He saw her move a non-existent piece of hair behind her ear, probably a nervous habit. “I haven’t seen you here before? Do you know Ms. Lucia?” She asked, drawing him back from watching her movements.

“Yes, I knew her from when I was little and she’s aquanitted with my father.” A sentence Javier never imagined saying, he’d found that he’s said it a times about several women his father knew. He found himself wondering if this is how people thought of him, in Columbia and when he was last in Loredo. Her brows furrowed, did she know his father too? Normally Chucho went for age appropriate women, this would be a first that his father had a lady friend in his age group.

“Is your father Mr. Chucho? I see him sometimes at the market a few times a month. I remember him because he always had his large white hat on and a big smile. You guys have the same mustache.” A loud giggle made her body bounce. Javier shook his head and smiled, but was still unsure if he liked being compared to his father or not.

He nodded adding, “I don’t know about the mustache though. Mine still has color.” Pena flashed a toothy smile as he watched her face soften after her laugh. “What’s your name cariño (dear)?” Javier took a few more swallows of his water before setting the empty glass down, licking the last of the water off his lips. He watched as she tilted her head, grinning.

“You haven’t told me yours yet you know, but because I’m nice and you did see me with a mouthful of pasta, I will answer. My name’s Luna, Luna Stevens. Given who your father is, I assume your last name is Peña?” She quipped and his eyebrow raised, she was a smart one, he liked that. He reached across the table again and held her hand.

“My name is Javier Peña. You come here often, Mrs. Stevens?” He asked, eliciting another laugh with his cheesy joke. She squeezed his hand when she answered.

“I do and it’s Ms. Stevens. Never been married, no children. You?”

“Almost was once, but never did. No children either.”

After establishing some very basic facts about each other, it took about an hour before Peña’s partner came looking for him and said they had to head back to the office. Javier frowned but duty called. He stood and so did Luna, she walked him to the door, stating that she also had to get back to work, she’d been gone for too long. Thankfully, it wasn’t so busy today so she’d be able to catch up. Before Peña could ask, she told him that it could be made up to her with a date and handed him her phone number and name on a napkin. She told him to keep it safe and Javier did. He stuck it in his front chest pocket so no sweat would get on it and called the number that night. They ended up talking for a few more hours and set up a date later that week.

Back on Chucho’s porch…

“Hey old man! I’m here. You alright in there?” Javier walked into his father’s home, heading to the kitchen first to put the dish in the fridge and then went to the living room. He watched as his father had his hand in a jar of pickles, removing one and gave it a loud crunch.

“Hey hijo (son)! In here!” Chucho waved with his free hand and continued to chew the pickle before swallowing it and washing it down with some whiskey.

“You can’t be drinking that. It’s the middle of the day and didn’t the doctor tell you to back off a bit?” Javier chides him and takes the glass, downing the remainder of it. Chucho frowns.

“I’m an old man. Leave me be. It cleans out the pipes. Plus the pickles will wash it out too. Want one?” He offered and Javier declined, going back into the kitchen and pouring two glasses of water. He set one next to his father and sat in the chair across from him.

“This is your lunch, these pickles? I bought lasagna from Ms. Lucia, now you’re not gonna eat it.”

“I’ll still have room for the food. Don’t worry hijo. Plus I need to eat just a few more just to be ready for tonight. You should consider some of these. Maybe then I’ll see you married with children before I meet your mother again.” Chucho finished his current pickle and started another one pointing it at his son, “I know you’ll tell me no. But don’t tell me you haven’t thought about moving Luna into your house and making an honest woman out of her. Neither of you are spring chickens and these pickles have been better than those little blue pills they show on TV. Now I have two things I want from you hijo for the upcoming year: the first is to at least ask Luna to move in with you and second, is to Maria on a small road trip.”

Javier slumps back in the chair and covers his face, he is not having this conversation with father and he cannot take this seriously while he is eating pickles.

“Pop, I’m gonna go. You enjoy your pickles and I’ll be back later this week when you don’t have your hand in that jar, okay?” He stood up and left, sitting in his truck for a bit before driving back home. Luna was supposed to be stopping by tonight for dinner and a movie so he was going to straighten up the house and make some tamales and rice.

He would like to talk about what they’re future was going to look like. Had he still been in Columbia he’d be fine with having a life separate from the woman he was seeing. That was actually necessary both there and when dealing with the Cali cartel. Now he’s at peace, sort of, he was out of the DEA and now just keeping track of weird shit that happened with cows, horses and highways. It was boring, but a good boring that he welcomed along with something he never thought he’d have, a steady girlfriend and at this point, he felt she was a partner. Not in the same way Steve had been but someone who he could rely on, like when he got sick with whatever flu that was, she took a few days off to stay with him and take care of him. Maybe he pouted a little extra and got her to feed him a bit but he was sick and not feeling well and why can’t he be babied a little? Point is, Luna did it with only minimal teasing and even gave him a back massage too.

Luna arrived at Javier's house at seven on the dot. He promised her dinner, a movie and knowing her Javi, they may make it to the bedroom or not. She brought some wine and chocolate cake that she had made the day before when she’d gotten home earlier. Javier wasn’t really one for sweets, but she could convince him of some red wine and cake after dinner. She knocked on the door and heard him yell that he was coming. Javier wore a light blue polo shirt with a pair of dark wash jeans. He didn’t have any socks on and she frowned, he’d just gotten over a cold not too long ago.

“Javier, where are your socks?” Luna asked as he took both bags that she had been carrying, while she held onto her purse. She was wearing a purple sundress that had a deep V in the front and was complemented by her red lipstick and black ballet flats. Luna reached in her purse and pulled out a small bag when she had a small pair of slippers. She made a point to put them on in the foyer so Javier would see.

“Bebita (baby girl) relax. I’ll go put something on my feet in a few. Let me take the wine and dessert out, then I’ll go set your overnight bag in the room.” He gave her a small kiss on her cheek, followed by one on her neck, purposely rubbing his mustache against her skin. That earned him a giggle from her and removed her frown. She entered the kitchen and removed the cake, wine and a gift she had gotten from Chucho earlier in the week. The elder had told her that his son loves them so she figured she would bring them over and Javi would eat them later. They don’t quite go with the tamales they were going to eat tonight.

Javier returned to the kitchen and saw an abomination of his counter, Luna was dishing up their plates and turned to her boyfriend confused by the look of anger on his face. “Javi? Javier? What’s wrong? I normally dish up the plates.” Shaking his head, he stomped over and picked up the jar, shaking it.

“This! These damn things! Why are they here? Did you bring them?” Peña screamed and Luna was taken aback, never in their two years together had this happened. Sure she’s seen him pissed but never yelling. Setting down the plates, she crossed her arms and tilted her head.

“Javier Peña. Why are you yelling at me right now? Are you really yelling at me about pickles?” She questioned, confused as to why pickles of all things would set him off.

For the last few weeks, Chucho has been preaching to Javier about the merits and blessing of pickles both for health and in the bedroom. He needed no help in either place he assured him, but then he would talk about marriage and for Javi not be scared of it. It’s a good thing, obviously Luna is not Lorraine. She’s not trying to trick you into anything. Hell, he’d never heard the woman say the words marriage, bride, wedding or engagement. On the same token, because it’s never been talked about, it also felt like he could never bring it up.

“I just need these out of my house Luna. I can’t look at them.” He set the jar down as they both looked at it. “Lo siento mi amor (I’m sorry my love). My father keeps talking about what his magical pickles can do for him and mar-marinating them.” Javier embraced Luna and she wrapped her arms around his back, she took a step back to look at him.

“Your father only marriantes meat Javier. What else does Chucho speak to you about? What aren’t you telling me Javi?” She asked, knowing him well enough that when he sucks on his bottom lip like that, he’s holding back something. Javier sighed and released her, starting to pace with his hands behind his head.

“You stand there and accuse me, but where were you at the time?” He fired back.

“That makes no sense, you have lunch with your father twice a week, while I’m at work. How would I be-”

“I mean after work, before work and on weekends. You’re not here. You’re at your apartment and he might not keep bugging me about marriage and kids if you were here with me in my house. We’re going to go into another year without talking about it.” Javier has let it all out, though angrily instead of calm and over dinner like he planned. Fucking pickles. He snuck a glance at them before looking back at a bewildered Luna.

“So, your father, bugging you about getting married and having children, is my fault because I haven’t moved in with you? Javier, I am a woman in her late thirties living in Texas! You don’t think I hear that weekly and sometimes daily, especially this time of year!” Luna yelled back, Javier took a few steps to the left, placing the kitchen island between him and his girlfriend. She pressed her palms into the island and exhaled. “What do you want Javi? Do you want to marry me? Do you even want children? We’ve never talked about this. I’d been nervous to bring it up because I don’t really care either way.” Luna’s voice softened, “I’m just happy to be with you Javier. Do we need to do all those other things?”

Peña cleared his throat and walked over to Luna, kissing her forehead and took her hands in his, “Mi amor, I’m so sorry. I love you too and I don’t need anything else. Never really thought about having them to be honest. I do know I would like to wake up to you without seeing that damn overnight bag in the corner of the bedroom.” The pair raised their hands together and laughed again, making their way back over to the food, dishing it up and sitting down at the table. After finishing dinner, they popped open the wine and cut up a few slices of cake. Luna brought over the jar of pickles to watch ‘The Last Seduction’ Javier squinted his eyes at the jar as she set it on the coffee table.

“I figured since it made us have a serious conversation, sort of. The pickles could join. Maybe there’s something to what Chucho says.” Luna chuckled as she curls up in Javi’s arms and he leans his head back on the couch.

“You, my father and these damn pickles. As soon as you doze off during this movie, I’m tossing them. Don’t accept any more pickles from Pop. he needs to keep them over on his ranch.” Taking a sip of the wine, Javier started the move and kissed Luna’s shoulder.

He cut his eyes at the pickles again - fucking magic pickles. Javier would never tell his father that the old man may have been onto something.

Admirers of Javier’s pouty lips 👄 :

@fhatbhabie @morallyinept @pedritapascal @pascalsanctuary @nissaimmortal @grogusmum @tinytinymenace @beefrobeefcal @goodwithcheese @megamindsecretlair @movievillainess721 @pedrodascal @theywhowriteandknowthings @trulybetty @perotovar @joelslegalwhre @josephquinnswhore @mandoisapunk @secretelephanttattoo @for-a-longlongtime @legendary-pink-dot @sin-djarin @maggiemayhemnj @seratuyo @sp00kymulderr @intoanotherworld23 @linzels-blog @joelmillers-whore @guelyury @laurfilijames @missladym1981 @pamasaur @alltheglitterandtheroar @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @rhoorl @yorksgirl @maggiemayhemnj @saturn-rings-writes @gwendibleywrites @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @undercoverpena @musings-of-a-rose @soft-persephone @katw474 @javierpena-inatacvest @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @magpiepills @handspunyarns @i-own-loki @papipascaaaal

[flowersinmytimemachine]

begging for someone to write good baby lasagna fanfiction thank you

[jillsandwhichs]

Valenfield Oneshots/AU's Collection , Chap 10 , Star Gazing

Masterlist

Pairing: Jill Valentine & Chris Redfield

Summary: Chris and Jill go star gazing together outside of his house

Status of their relationship in this one shot: Dating

WC: 2.3k

Type: Sfw

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you

Plopping back down onto the couch, Chris wrapped his burly arm around his smaller sized girlfriend, Jill, the two were embracing one another as their eyes were locked onto the little, mounted television, the movie playing was 'Nightmare on Elm Street', a classic horror film that surprisingly, the two hadn't seen yet, so they decided to binge some of the franchise together, it made for a perfect date night.

"The pizza I ordered is about thirty minutes away." Chris stated to Jill, his fingertips rubbing up and down her forearm. "How come it's so far away? Where's the nearest pizzeria?" Jill asked, her voice had a tint of curiosity fused into it. "Well, about an hour or so, but we got lucky, this is what I get for living out in the countryside." Chris laughed, kissing the top of Jill's hair, her hair smelling like coconut, which Chris was entranced by.

"I see... Makes sense." Jill responded, continuing to keep her head nuzzled on his shoulder, the movie still resuming in the background. The scene currently playing was showing Freddy, the main villain, he looked burnt, it reminded Jill of her cooking when she was younger. "Freddy looks like a lasagna I once made... No, I'm sorry, attempted to make." Jill giggled, causing Chris to snort alongside with her. "Funny girl." Chris whispered, his eyes focused on the tv.

Jill was never scared of horror movies, but the idea of some burnt, crispy old man haunting your dreams wasn't pleasant ; out of any horror villain, he's the one Jill thinks is the creepiest. As for Chris though, he isn't scared of any of these fools, especially after what he's been through. Ever since the Arklay incident and Rockfort, he hasn't feared much, he almost feels as though nothing can stop him. That could also be from Jill though, she makes him feel unstoppable.

"Isn't the thought of someone invading your dreams scary?" Jill questioned, looking up at Chris. "Little bit, yeah, but I don't have anything interesting going up in my noggin." Chris chortled, squeezing her arm with affection. "Oh, you don't dream of me?" Jill teased, slapping his thigh playfully. "Oh sweetheart, I definitely dream of you." He commented, the dirty joke plain in sight. "Oh you're bad." Jill laughed, hiding her head in his shoulder, her weeziness over coming her.

In all honesty, the two could barley keep their eyes on the movie, they just kept talking and missing important sections of it, but honestly, they didn't care, they were enjoying one on one time with each other, and that's all that matters to them. "Who do you think would win, Leather face or Freddy?" Jill questioned, beaming at her own silly question, it was an obvious answer. "Well, that's kind of tough..." "How so?" Jill asked again.

"Well, baby, Leather face is kind of dumb, which makes him vulnerable, then again he is strong, especially with that chainsaw. Freddy can haunt dreams and cause people to kill themselves, and since Leather face is already beaten up on enough by his family, it's a possibility. If we're talking hand to hand however, I believe Leather face wins." Chris explained, his points making more sense now. "Makes sense, we should watch the TCM series together, it's such a good classic." Jill stated. "Definitely." Chris muttered, his eyes gandering back up at the television in front of them.

Chris couldn't help but feel a warm pit in his stomach. He felt euphoric knowing he was alone, just with Jill. Spending time with her was his favorite thing in the entire world. "Wanna take a break from the movie, at least till the pizza arrives?" Chris questioned, standing off of the couch and stretching his jacked arms into the arm, his thin fabricated shirt lifting up, revealing his lower stomach religion. "Oh sure, and do what?" She asked aloud. "Come here hun." Chris requested, grabbing a red plaid blanket off of the couch. Jill obliged.

She was quite curious as to what Chris had in mind ; just as long as it wasn't sitting by the front porch light outside, those bugs would eat her alive, she hates the idea even. Chris, who was in front of Jill, grabbed a flashlight from the kitchen drawer, clicking it on and off a couple times to test if the battery had held up. "What do you need that for?" Jill wondered. "You'll see baby." Chris replied, pecking her cheek and opened the front door, which was right by the kitchen area.

"Come on now." Chris demanded, ambling outside with the girl right behind him as he stepped down his porch, the sound of cicadas and other little insects could be heard. Not only that, the occasional car passing by was loud, the cool night breeze made whistling noises as it flew right on past their faces, the feeling was refreshing. "Haven't done this in awhile." Chris spoke to himself, the blanket still on his left arm. "What is 'this' exactly?" Jill asked the man. "You're such an impatient girl, but I love it." Chris retorted.

There was a specific spot Chris was treading towards, so that he could lay the blanket out for the two of them to lay on. Chris used to star gaze with his younger sister, Claire Redfield, back when they were a bit younger. He always found it to be a kindred thing, it lifted his spirits. Although, the man couldn't name was constellation for you even if he tried. The most he could do was little dipper and big dipper.

Once he noticed the large, patchy grass in front of him, Chris tossed the blanket in the air, holding it by it's ends and gently laying it out, shuffling it around until it looked neat. "So are we just gonna lay here? I don't wanna get murdered, especially after just watching that movie." Jill tittered. "Oh, you'll be okay, I'm here." Chris whispered, taking her hand and sitting her down along side him, the both of them laying down side by side and staring up into the stary, ominous sky.

"Star gazing? How romantic." Jill teased him playfully, staring up at the teeny tiny stars that were miles and miles and miles away from them, it felt like she could just squeeze them till they pop if she squinted one eye. "Yeah... Thought it'd be nice, the downside is how cold it is." Chris chuckled, gazing at the sky with her, making note of the fact there were sadly no constellations, he had hoped but not everything comes true, does it?

"You're so sweet." Jill complimented him, turning her head to look at him, seeing how his face rested whilst looking up above. "I try." Chris spoke, not moving his eyes from the stars, even glancing at the bright, white moon. "You know any constellations?" Chris questioned her. "No, not really, only the basic ones... Never necessarily had the time to think about them, how they looked and where they are usually located at, y'know?" "I get that." Chris said, now peeping his eyes at her, in awe at how pretty she was.

Chris honestly felt like the luckiest man in the world. So many men had wanted Jill before, even asked her out. One time, when he and Jill, along with a couple friends were out at a bar, this dude came up and asked if she wanted to dance and get a drink, but she declined. This man was also tall, and good looking, it was surprising to Chris when she had did that, but he most definitely did not complain. He was the chosen one.

"I think you're very pretty." Chris praised Jill, not being able to resist the urge to say something about her ethereal beauty. Jill glanced over at Chris, a tint of blush forming on her cheeks. She wasn't the type to get flustered easily, but fuck she couldn't help it with Chris. "Thank you babe." Jill responded, whilst doing so, she slid her hand into his, allowing their fingers to intertwine with one another.

As the two held hands and star gazed, it felt so peaceful, as if it was just them all alone in the world. After the Arklay incident, they definitely got closer, and even more close after Chris returned from Europe. Jill knew she has loved Chris for a long time, and she's just ecstatic she finally gets to be with him. She hopes he feels the same way. When Chris had asked her out, everything she was dealing with at that very moment just suddenly faded and all that had mattered to her, was him. It's always gonna be him.

"Man, I hope that pizza comes soon, I'm starving." Chris joked, turning to officially face Jill, now laying on his side. Jill turned herself over too, looking at him with genuine love & care. "Yea, I could go for it too, but I don't know if I wanna keep watching that movie." Jill admitted. "How come? You scared?" Chris teased, squeezing her hand lovingly. "Oh quit! Definitely not, it's just not my cup of tea, that's all." Jill spoke truthfully. "I'll take your word for it." Chris responded, knowing she was being honest.

Jill placed her smooth, supple hand onto Chris's cheek, feeling the incoming scruff on it, caressing his cheek with earnest. Chris then placed his big hand upon her hip, pulling her into him more as he did so. Both leaned in at the same time, kissing each other with passion and loyalty. Jill felt as though she could simply melt into his arms, ditto for Chris.

Breathing in deeply, the man moved his hand to her upper back, ravishing in the feeling of her right in his arms, safe and sound, as she should be. Their lips continued to move softly against one another, neither even attempted to slip some tongue action in though, they were both too anxious. "I love you." Jill whispered, her forehead pressed against his, the wind was picking up now, almost as if it was matching the intense mood going on between them.

"I love you too." Chris quietly said back to her, his hand remaining on her waist. "I'm happy you were able to come over tonight... I have a question." Chris spoke, his voice timid. "Me too baby... Ask away." She muttered out, her doe-like eyes gazing at him with honest love. "Would you like to spend the night...? Here? I just think it's getting kind of late to drive yourself home, y'know..." He asked her, seeming nervous about the question and it's entirety.

"Oh, well, I don't see why not... Sure." She answered. Deep down, Jill felt utter glory with the fact he asked her that. She had wanted to ask before, many times when she'd come over, but she always felt as if it's be to early, or that he'd decline her offer. Jill felt full, full of love and contentness.

"What do ya say, we head back inside? Pizza should be here eventually anyways, and I don't know about you but I'm cold." Chris cackled, sitting up on the blanket and holding out his hand, it was stiff due to the temperature but the gesture was thoughtful. "Ha, yeah, I'm okay with going back inside." Jill responded, snickering along with him. The girl took the man's calloused hand and held it as they walked back into his home.

Chris had rough, calloused hands but to Jill, it was attractive. It showed how much of a hard working man he was ; ambitious was a trait she always seeked when getting with somebody. As the couple strided up the steps, Jill stopped and studied Chris for a moment before speaking, "Do you think you'll work in this field for the rest of your life? Or at least till you decide to retire?" She asked aloud, it was a random question, but also had so much tenderness to it. It was a deep thought Chris hadn't put a lot of time into thinking about.

"To be completely honest with you hun, I haven't thought about my future that much, especially the work side of things. To be more forward, most likely, yeah... I wanna serve this world justice, y'know?" Chris said, his words brave and full of passion, he was such a good person. "I agree... I wanna help out the world, especially since it's going to complete shit. Raccoon City was a disaster... Then Arklay..." Jill sighed out, clearly upset whilst thinking about both tragic events.

Watching as Jill put her head down, Chris placed his hand onto her shoulder, stroking it with carefulness. "Don't think about it too much sweetheart, it's the past now, I know it'll stick with you forever, but letting go is a solution." He said kindly, moving both of his hands to her cheeks, tilting her head up to look directly into his eyes. Jill encased her arms around his waist as she hugged him warmly.

The man expired to himself, his hands hugging her head, caressing her soft, brown hair as he did so. All Chris wanted was to take care of Jill, and to love her. Seeing her dwell on such horrific events killed him on the inside, honestly seeing her down in anyway hurt him, because in his eyes, she deserves nothing but eternal joy. Kissing the top of her head, he pulled away and said something that stuck with her, "You'll always be my safe space, I hope I'm yours too." Chris muttered out, his words were obviously so meaningful.

"You are, Chris." She mumbled, hugging him even tighter now. "Good." He whispered.

The two pulled away after about a minute, Chris broke the peaceful silence. "Let's get you inside, and under a blanket, we can watch something else too." Chris added, opening the front door and leading her inside. "Sounds like a plan." Jill laughed, following him and heaving as he closed the door with a final light push.

[columba1234]

Hello!

You can call me Margaret/Châu (I like Margaret better so please call me that) I'm from Vietnam 🇻🇳 and a minor (NSFW denied and please be nice to me) I use she/her pronouns I love drawing in various media (especially watercolour and digital), baking, and listening to music. I'm also interested in astronomy, environmental sciences, psychology and the humanities (history and geography) I'm a fan of Alexander Rybak (Winner for ESC 2009 and entrant for ESC 2018, both for Norway), Joost Klein (Netherlands 2024), ansd Baby Lasagna (Croatia 2024) .Their music are *chef's kiss* The stuff I love (or kinda like): - Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom - Eurovision - Harry Potter - Miraculous Ladybug (is rewatching it!!!) - Okkupert - The Adventures of Dunno and his Friends (a Soviet children's book- my childhood).

My socials (plus art and fanfiction sites) are on Carrd. I'm also on Discord too (same as Tumblr not that active but you can DM me for link.)

Asks and inbox are always open!

[misterpenguinkris]

Buongiorno, Tumblr. I'm new on this site.

Twitter is a mess these days. That's why I'm here now. I want to stay in contact with my Achille Lauro twitter mutuals. I draw and I write fanfictions. What I like: - cats, my precious cat son Timmy - Achille Lauro, Boss Doms, Roberta - Henri Piispanen & Windows95man (No Rules!) - Baby Lasagna (Rim Tim Tagi Dim) - Lord of the Lost, Chris Harms - Eurovision Song Contest - One Piece - Subway To Sally - ... What I'll probably post on this site: - my art (e.g.: fanfiction and fanart of Achille Lauro, etc.) - my cat - ...

[jane-the-virgin0]

Hiya ₊˚⊹♡

this is my updated intro post ♡

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

₊˚⊹♡ fanfiction masterlist here!

₊˚⊹♡ i’m jane! i’m 23, bi, & a master’s student in the states:) {currently abroad}

₊˚⊹♡ while i’m still into eurovision, because of a certain apartheid state’s inclusion, i mostly keep up with it for the artists (i loved baby lasagna, joost, nemo, and bambie)!

₊˚⊹♡ right now, i’m back into my game of thrones/hotd era!🖤 (hotd moots plsss)

₊˚⊹♡ you can also find me talking about: pokemon vgc, resident evil, bg3, stardew valley, fallout (the tv show lol), chappell roan, the beaches, muna, lotr, and star wars! pls send in requests for any character mentioned, or anything else!

₊˚⊹♡moots of any of these (and others!) welcome! 18+ PLEASE!

₊˚⊹♡ p.s. - wanna make your pfp as cute as mine? go here: https://picrew.me/share?cd=3r37ebW0q7 <3

[caribbean1989]

It's Better Together - A Baby Lasagna fanfiction

Who: Baby Lasagna / Marko Purisic Request: maybe the reader is representing another country (doesn't have to be a singer maybe in the team) and after the behaviour of isreali's team (as many people said they treated them bad) she isn't feeling well and marko helps her and supports her. Requested by: anonymous Word count: 916 Warnings: some implied swearing and rudeness.

A/N: Thank you so much for your request. I have changed it a little bit, so it's not specifically about the Israeli team being the rude one, but it can still be read as such.

If you want me to write more Baby Lasagna fics, you can always make a request through my Ask Box. For more information on my Baby Lasagna fanfics, see this masterpost

It had always been your dream to represent your country at the Eurovision Song Contest. This year, your dream came true true when you were selected as the contestant for your country.

After months of preparations, the moment was finally there. As soon as you'd arrived in Malmö it was everything you had hoped for and more. Your fellow contestants were really nice and supportive, the organization was flawless, and so far you were really enjoying yourself. You weren't the favorite with the bookmakers, but they still tipped you for a top 10 candidate.

The schedule was demanding, though. Each day was filled to the brim with rehearsals, interviews and other press-related obligations. Some of the interviews were fun, others were dull, but today you had had an interview with a journalist who was flat-out rude and even somewhat hostile. During the interview you were able to keep your cool, but it took every ounce of your self-control to do so.

Immediately after you were done, you stalked out of the room and made straight for the contestants' lounge. That area was only accessible to the performers, and strictly off-limits to any kind of media-personnel. Since it was late in the evening and most of the other contestants had already finished their duties for the day, you expected it to be empty. And some alone-time to cool off was just what you needed.

Without even checking if someone else was in the lounge when you stepped in, you angrily slammed the door closed behind you, and loudly released an entire string of curses in your native language.

A startled gasp from further down the room made you realize that you weren't alone after all. You let your eyes roam over the dozens of sofa's and armchairs crammed into the lounge, and indeed found one, halfway down the room, occupied. It was Marko who sat there. Your little outburst had clearly startled him, and he had jumped up from his seat. He now stood looking at you a little wide-eyed.

"I'm so sorry about that." You passed a hand over your face and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. "I survived," he chuckled, before a frown crossed over his face. "Are you alright?" "Yeah..." You sighed. It wasn't truthful, but you didn't want to burden him with your troubles.

But Marko wasn't so easily fooled. He cocked his head slightly to the side, and gave you an intense stare for about a second. "No, you're not." He stated quite confidently. You couldn't help but laugh. Of course you had met Marko in the previous days. You liked him, and you had had a few nice chats with him, but you two didn't really know much about each other. So the confidence in his statement surprised you.

"Please, don't take this the wrong way." Marko immediately second-guessed himself. "But I think you still look... upset." He wrung his hands together, clearly uncomfortable by his own words and wondering if you were going to get angry with him now.

"You're right," you finally confessed. You weren't nearly alright yet and still way too upset by how the journalist had treated you. Yet, you were strangely relieved that Marko was here and had seen that you were still distraught.

"Maybe you should sit down." Marko quickly recollected himself. You nodded quietly, before walking over to where Marko had been sitting and throwing yourself down in the armchair opposite him. "Here." Marko handed you a bottle of water and sat down as well. You gratefully accepted the water, taking a few sips of the much needed hydration.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Marko smiled shyly. "It's just... this journalist." You shook your head. "The interview I've just had was awful. So rude and disrespectful." "Ah..." Marko understood immediately. "I know exactly who you mean. If it's any consolation, he's rude to everyone. I had to do an interview with him yesterday, and... let's just say that I was glad when it was over."

Marko's words did make you feel a little better. If someone could be rude to a gentle soul like Marko, they were just mean and heartless.

Suddenly you remembered that tomorrow you had another, even longer interview scheduled with the same journalist. "Oh, no!" You buried your face in your hands. "I totally forgot I've got to do more press with that guy tomorrow." To your surprise, Marko chuckled softly. "You and me both. Quite literally actually." "What do you mean?" You looked up at him. Marko smiled crookedly at you, giving a one-shouldered shrug. "You and I are teamed up for press tomorrow."

You blinked stupidly at him for a few seconds. You needed a moment to remember that Marko was indeed right. In your fury and frustration that fact had completely slipped your mind. "So sorry," you mumbled, "I forgot about that." Marko smiled another shy smile. "It's fine."

For a few moments there was silence between the two of you. "I'm glad we're teamed up for tomorrow." You broke the silence. "You're a good guy, and I feel really at ease with you." Marko blushed slightly red. "Me, too. And if anyone is rude to us tomorrow, I'm sure we'll be able to get each other through." "Absolutely," you nodded happily, all the anger of just now quickly draining from you.

And suddenly, tomorrow's press day didn't seem so bad anymore, because you knew Marko would be there with you.

[the-baby-lasagna-blog]

Baby Lasagna writing masterlist

Here's a masterlist of all the Baby Lasagna fanfics I have written and posted. This list will be updated each time I post a new fanfic. Links to all the fanfics are below the cut.

For more information on my writing and/or how to make a request, please see this post.

Last updated: 17 June 2024

STAGE FRIGHT Summary: Marko has a panic attack before a performance. Warnings: contains descriptions of panic attack. Word count: 2010 Original post date: 19 May 2024 Link: click here (this was posted on my main blog, from before I created this sideblog 😉)

IT'S BETTER TOGETHER Summary: You are also a contestant in the ESC 2024. Marko supports you when you have a nasty experience with a journalist from another country. Warnings: some implied rudeness and swearing Word count: 916 Original post date: 26 May 2024 Link: click here (this was posted on my main blog, from before I created this sideblog 😉)

BLACK OUT Summary: Marko faints after a big performance. Warnings: contains descriptions of fainting / passing out Word count: 1217 Original post date: 3 June 2024 Link: click here

CONFESSIONS Summary: After being close friends with Marko, a huge falling out leads to your friendship falling apart. Years later, you meet Marko again at the Eurovision Song Contest. Warnings: contains short description of physical attack (trust me, it's not what you might suspect and also nothing too bad or worrisome 😇), furthermore lots of angst. Word count: 2017 Original post date: 8 June 2024 Link: click here

[calm-smol]

Here we gooooo

[ejzah]

I posted 2,778 times in 2021

1718 posts created (62%)

1060 posts reblogged (38%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.6 posts.

I added 3,251 tags in 2021

#ncis la - 920 posts

#marty deeks - 518 posts

#densi - 435 posts

#kensi blye - 338 posts

#ncis la fanfiction - 287 posts

#personal - 271 posts

#ejzah fanfiction - 243 posts

#grad school - 83 posts

#random head canon - 81 posts

#angst - 75 posts

Longest Tag: 104 characters

#i will not go out unless it is to the same 10 places i’ve been going to for the last 25 years of my life

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Suggested by @wanna-be-bold. (Because I'm a sucker for it) Kensi finding out she's pregnant by someone else pointing it out

A/N: I hope this is a little bit like what you were thinking.

***

All The Signs Are There

“Hey, have you seen Kensi anywhere?” Deeks asked as he came in, hand tucked behind his back.

“She’s in the gym,” Callen answered, sharing a smirk with Sam. “Why, you two fighting again.”

“No, we are not fighting. Kensi’s just had a rough couple days so I figured I’d get her a little surprise.”

Deeks held up a which bore the name, Andria’s Bakery.

“Isn’t that place about an hours drive from here?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, but it’ll be worth it if it cheers Kensi up.”

“She has been a little moody the last couple days.” Sam scoffed at Callen’s assessment.

“Man, how many times do I have to tell you that you never call a woman moody?”

“Yesterday she got mad at me for breathing too loudly,” Callen shared, looking unimpressed with Sam’s advice. “What do you call that? And for the record, I am a very quiet breather.”

Before Sam could get into his partner’s breathing habits, Kensi walked in, looking refreshed and in good spirits. She stopped to give Deeks a kiss on her way to her desk.

“Hi baby, did you have a good time surfing?” she asked.

“Yeah, it was good. And I picked up donuts on the way.” Deeks gave the bag a little jiggle, wafting the scent of fried pastry and chocolate her way.

“Ooh, is that a Boston Cream?” Grinning at the excitement in her voice, Deeks handed her the bag and added,

“And an apple fritter.”

“Best hubby ever,” Kensi sang, reaching into the bag with a delighted expression as she pulled out the apple fritter.

“You know how much sugar and fat is in just one of those?” Sam asked, looking vaguely amused as eagerly Kensi bit into the donut.

“You’re just jealous that your partner didn’t bring you anything for breakfast.” She took another bite and almost immediately clamped her hand over her mouth.

“Kens?” Deeks asked, automatically moving towards. She shook her head, waving him off.

“Sorry, I just-” she cut off suddenly, swallowed harshly and hastily shoved the half-eaten pastry into his hand, practically running from the room. “Excuse me.”

He a glance at Callen and Sam, who looked equally concerned as he felt, then headed after Kensi, dropping the fritter on his desk as he passed.

Kensi was bent over a sink, dabbing a damp paper towel over her face by the time he made it to the women’s bathroom.

“Baby, are you ok?” he murmured, coming up behind her and resting his hand on her back. Turning off the water, Kensi nodded as she looked up.

Her face seemed a little washed out, but when he brushed his fingers over her temple, her skin felt cool.

“Yeah, I just felt really nauseous all of the sudden,” she replied. “Maybe the leftover lasagna last night was a little older than I realized.”

“Well, I feel fine. Maybe you should go home, just in case.” As expected, Kensi waved off his suggestion and shook her head again. She squared her shoulders, drawing in a deep breath.

“Thank you for caring about me, Deeks, but I’m completely fine.”

Deeks didn’t like it, but followed her back out of the bathroom without any more protests. She seemed fine now and based on past experience, he knew that a slight case of food poisoning couldn’t take down Special Agent Kensi Blye.

Back in the bullpen, Sam and Callen seemed to be deep in discussion. Deeks saw Sam give Callen a pointed look as Kensi sat down at her desk, smiling like everything was perfectly normal.

“Food poisoning,” she explained succinctly.

“Interesting,” Sam commented, glancing at Callen again, who sighed and rolled his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Deeks asked suspiciously.

“Sam is under the impression that Kensi is pregnant,” Callen explained bluntly. Kensi snorted, surprising Deeks. She was usually more touchy about the subject these days.

“Um, nice detective work, but I think I would realize if I was pregnant.”

“Really? Then how do you explain your recent behavior. You’ve been unusually irritable, I caught you two making out in the burn room twice in the last week, and you just got sick off a donut.” He ticked off each point on his finger, ending on the last with a triumphant expression.

“That’s ridiculous,” Kensi scoffed, turning to Deeks, clearly expecting him to be equally derisive of the idea. He tilted his head, running a few dates in his head and asked Kensi in an undertone,

“Did you take a pregnancy test this month?”

“No, but...I would know, right? There’s no way I can be pregnant,” she said, looking like she was trying to convince herself. Maybe trying to stop herself from getting too excited.

“Here, have a bite of this,” Callen suggested, tossing the uneaten donut in front of Kensi. She took one look at it and practically gagged, covering her mouth and nose again as she pushed it away.

“Oh my god, please get rid of that!” Deeks quickly reached over and shoved it into the garbage, glaring at Callen who looked extremely pleased with himself.

“I’m not a pregnancy test, but I’d say you’re probably pregnant.”

“This is incredible,” Deeks murmured, kneeling in front Kensi and grasping her hands between his. Resting her forehead against his, Kensi let out a shaky breath.

“We did it,” she whispered back, finally giving in to a giant smile. She let out a joyful laugh and grasped head between her palms, pulling him in for a long, deep kiss.

“Man, you guys are going to be even worse than usual,” Sam groaned from beside them. Honestly, Deeks had all but forgotten they weren’t the only two in the room.

“Just wait til the pregnancy hormones really kick in,” Callen said. “We’ll have to use a cattle prod to keep them apart.”

“I can’t wait,” Kensi said happily, tugging Deeks down for another kiss. In the background, Sam groaned again.

***

A/N: I have no idea if there’s a place called Andria’s Bakery.

Thanks for the prompt!

49 notes • Posted 2021-02-20 00:26:37 GMT

#4

Here’s how the first day of school (sans kids) went down:

1. As usual, no one at the school knew I was coming.

2. I do not have email, access to the WiFi, or my online caseload yet.

3. I found out I got a really poor grade on a grad school assignment and nearly had a panic attack before I figured out that the wrong draft had submitted somehow. Fortunately the professor allowed me to resubmit.

4. One of the kids on my caseload (based on paper reports) has the middle name Skywalker and another has the first name Emmalee.

5. I feel a tiny bit better that the veteran SLP I’m replacing was just about as disorganized as I can be.

6. Nearly killed myself a couple times on 45 minute drive back.

I hope you enjoyed this highly exciting recap.

49 notes • Posted 2021-08-16 21:57:33 GMT

#3

Effort: 10/10. Execution: 5/10. The latest venture in baking.

52 notes • Posted 2021-04-12 01:13:49 GMT

#2

A/N: Once again, I went a bit dark with this. I hope it’s not too much.

***

Where It Hurts Most, Part 4

“Do you see anything that looks different?” Callen asked Kensi, keeping a few feet back as she slowly walked through the kitchen. Sam and Rountree had already been through the house and found nothing useful.

Kessler’s fingerprints were everywhere, but his were the only ones. There was a strip of yellow tape cutting off the kitchen from the rest of the house. It was yet another sign of violation. She ripped it off, not caring if it was against protocol.

“He obviously moved some things. I don’t see anything that could be taken as another message or used to trace him,” she responded finally. “It’s just another power play.”

“It seems like a pretty risky move to break in if he wasn’t going to leave anything behind.”

“It would have been enough for him to just be here.” She noticed the coffee mug Deeks always used was on the counter instead of the cabinet where they usually kept it. She ran her finger across the rim, picturing Deeks leaning against the counter sipping at his morning coffee. “He knows how violating this would feel and he gets a kick out of it.”

She straightened a few more things before turning back to Callen. He was watching her cautiously, like at any moment she might explode if he wasn’t careful.

“If you have something on your mind, spit it out.”

“Kens…don’t let him do this. You let him get inside your head like this and he’s already won,” he said.

“I’m not letting him get to me, Callen. I just know how he thinks,” she said firmly. Even if it wasn’t completely true, Callen didn’t need to know that. She wasn’t going to be benched. Not when Deeks’ was in danger.

Her phone range and she pulled it out, giving the screen a brief glance before she answered, turning on the speaker.

“What do you have, Fatima?”

“Hi guys, I was able to ID three of men who attacked Deeks. Two of them are off the grid completely no cell phone or credit activity,” Fatima answered quickly.

“But…” Callen prompted, glancing at Kensi again.

“But I was able to get a cell signal for the last using the message he sent to Deeks’ phone. I don’t know if he was just sloppy or if was on purpose.”

“Tell me you have an address,” Kensi demanded. She was half way to the door before Fatima even had a chance to answer.

“I do. The message was sent from a building that used to be a garage of some kind,” Fatima continued. “There aren’t any security cameras in the area, so I can’t confirm if Kessler or any of his men have been there. It could be a red herring.”

“It’s not.” She caught Callen’s eye and knew based on his grim expression, that he’d come to the same conclusion as her. It wasn’t an accident that Kessler had chosen a garage to hold Deeks. “Send the coordinates to my phone, we’re on our way.

***

“I’m glad you find me attractive,” Deeks whispered, his voice barely more than a growl.

Kessler set the metal device back down, but Deeks didn’t feel any relief. His attempts to control his reaction were completely out the window now and he felt moisture sliding down the middle of his back as he forced himself not to fight against the straps binding him. Although they were far from loose, he felt a small amount of give.

“You can keep trying to distract me, Detective. It’s not going to work,” Kessler responded, making a sound to himself as he fiddled with the box, shifting items around. After a minute or so he removed a small blade. It almost looked like a scalpel, only more lethal.

Deeks shivered, Kessler’s comment about his face making more sense. He needed to do something quickly while he had the chance.

“Really? What if I told you that Kensi thinks about you all the time?” He hated himself for saying it, for dropping to Kessler’s level.

Kessler didn’t react at all for a moment, then he let out the quietest of sighs that made Deeks’ stomach crawl.

“Tell me more.”

“She hates it,” Deeks continued, licking his lips. “She hates that you’re in her mind.” Turning slowly, Kessler crept forward and knelt in front of him. His eyes were gleaming with excitement and Deeks hatred for him bubbled up inside of him.

He acted almost instinctively, slamming his forehead into Kessler’s nose and the other man reared back, dropping the knife as he clamped his hands to his face. Deeks ripped his arms free, ignoring the feeling of his skin tearing along with the binds, and slammed his chair into Kessler’s side who crashed to the ground.

Deeks followed him to the floor, wrapping one arm around his neck and holding it taught with the other.

“I lied,” he hissed into Kessler’s ear, increasing the pressure until he choked. It gave him a perverse pleasure to literally feel the man’s fear as he fought against him, growing more frantic with every second. “She hasn’t thought of you at all.”

Kessler’s body started to grow lax, but he still didn’t let go. He wanted to be sure he wouldn’t move again.

The door burst open an light flooded the room as, voices shouting at him. Deeks clung to Kessler even as the same men who had attacked him before roughly tugged him away, jerking his arms behind his back so hard it felt like they might dislocate.

For a second, he though Kessler might be dead, but then he stirred and coughed, gasping as he crawled to his knees. Deeks heard a click and one of the men forced a gun beneath his chin, a mercenary gleam in his eye.

“Don’t kill him,” Kessler ordered unexpectedly, clumsily getting to his feet. He wiped blood off his face, his eyes hard and angry. “Not yet. Tie him up again and tell me when it’s done. Make sure he can’t get out this time.”

***

A/N: Oh dear, I just can’t give poor Deeks a break. What is happening with me? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this.

53 notes • Posted 2021-08-17 02:49:02 GMT

#1

Can you do a Drabble where Kensi and the team see Deeks with a woman in their day off, causing Kensi to get jealous. The next day back at work, Deeks notices everyone, espicially Kensi acting weird around him. This story is set before Kensi and Deeks got together.

A/N: I may have tweaked the prompt a little bit to suit my purposes.

Rumor Has It

***

“Today really sucked,” Kensi muttered, pressing a cold bottle of Coors to her swollen jaw. It tasted awful, but right now she didn’t really care as long as it was icy and had an alcohol content.9

“Cheer up, Kens,” Callen said, shaking her shoulder reassuringly. “You almost had that guy.”

Kensi shot him a look that said he was not helping at all. They were silent for a couple of minutes while Kensi wallowed in self-pity. Although she knew it wasn’t her fault, it bothered her that she’d struggled to take down a suspect. Even though he was twice her size and trained in martial arts, she was definitely taking it personally.

“It’s too bad Deeks couldn’t make it,” Nell said, clearly trying to draw Kensi out. He’d been the one to step in and taken out their suspect while she lay passed out on the ground.

Kensi had woken up cradled in his arms while he waited for the ambulance to arrive. Her cheeks warmed a little at the memory.

“Yeah, where is your night in shining armor?” Callen teased.

“He said he had something to do at LAPD,” Kensi answered, trying not to let her disappointment show. The last few months something had shifted in their relationship, which was equally terrifying as it was exciting. A little part of her had been hoping to spend the evening at Deeks’ apartment.

“Did Deeks say what he was doing for LAPD?” Sam asked, am odd edge to his tone.

“Um, filing case reports, I think. Why?”

“Because he’s here and the blonde he’s with doesn’t look like any paperwork I’ve ever seen.” Everyone turned as Sam gestured towards the exit with his chin.

Deeks had his back to them, in the process of helping a short woman with her jacket. A little desperately, Kensi tried to think of some explanation to explain it. Then the little blonde rose up on her toes, kissing him more thoroughly that his chivalrous act warranted, and Deeks slid his arm around her waist.

Feeling sick, Kensi glanced down at the beer in her hand, unable to watch anymore.

“I’m sure Deeks has a good reason-” Eric started to say.

“Yeah, clearly he has a girlfriend,” Kensi interrupted, forcing sarcasm into her voice to hide her disappointment and rising anger. “I don’t know why he thought he had to hide her.”

“You want us to have “a talk” with him?” Sam asked darkly.

“Of course not.” Kensi laughed off his offer and downed the rest of her beer. “Deeks is completely free to date whoever he wants.”

“Uh-huh. Well, the offer still stands if you change your mind.”

Deeks forced another smile, raising her finger for another drink.

***

Deeks walked into the bullpen, trying to conceal a massive yawn. It had been after 3 by the time he got home and he was running on fumes.

“Late night?” Sam asked casually, naturally catching the gesture.

“Yeah, LAPD stuff.”

“Really.” Sam nodded, like he really didn’t believe Deeks’ explanation.

Shaking his head, Deeks turned to Kensi, who currently bent over a file. At this angle he couldn’t see more that her forehead. She didn’t look up until he stood right in front of her desk.

“Hey, how’s your jaw? It looked pretty nasty yesterday..”

“Bruised and swollen,” Kensi answered shortly, tilting her chin up so he could see said bruising in all its purple glory. “Gees, I think it looks worse than it did yesterday.” Without thinking, he reached to touch her cheek, but she blocked him with her forearm.

“I’m extremely busy right now, Deeks. So if you could keep the talking and distraction to minimum, that would be great.”

The dismissal was clear in her tone and Deeks dropped his and, reluctantly turned to his desk. As he sat down, Deeks caught Callen’s eye, surprised when he found mild disappointment there.

By afternoon, Deeks had just about enough. Everyone on the team, including Eric and Nell, had been giving him the cold shoulder all day. Although Deeks had a sense that Eric was simultaneously trying to apologize.

As Kensi ignored him for the 12 path time in an hour, Deeks slammed his laptop shut, clearing his throat noisily.

“Ok, what the hell is going on?”

“No idea what you’re talking about, Deek,” Callen said so mildly that Deeks could have punched him.

“Oh come on, Sam’s keeps glaring at me, Eric and Nell are screening my calls, and Kensi, you’re barely talking to me,” Deeks rattled off. “Clearly, something happened.”

“Let’s just say we’re a little surprised by your extracurriculars,” Callen explained, which cleared up absolutely nothing.

“What?”

“Oh my god. We saw you last night,” Kensi blurted out, the anger in her voice, which perfectly matched her glare of apparent disgust. “So you can stop lying.”

“Wait, what exactly did you see?” Deeks asked, worried by the possibility that he had somehow missed the entire team, especially since they weren’t exactly the most subtle of groups when alcohol was involved.

“More than enough. Enough to know that you lied to me about going to LAPD last night.”

“Kens, I can explain-”

“What I saw last night was enough explanation for me,” she interrupted him, standing abruptly. “Now I’m going up to OPS and if you even so much as think of following me, I will try out my new throwing knife on you.”

Deeks stood there for a second, watching her ascend the stairs with barely concealed rage, and turned to Sam and Callen in confusion.

“You guys what to tell me what going on?”

“Not really.” Callen shrugged.

“My only advice is to keep your distance and wear a cup,” Sam suggested.

***

A/N: Part 2?

Thanks for the prompt!

58 notes • Posted 2021-06-02 00:44:46 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[beskarberry]

Hii! I just read The Things We Do For Love and I firstly just want to say how enjoyable and refreshing it was to read. It’s so lovely to find a fic once in a while that’s something a little different. I love this idea of ‘realistic’ smut and I sorta feel like it’s just as enjoyable as the fantasy stuff. Is that weird? Idk.

Anywaaays. Do you think maybe we could get a lil something about your ‘realistic’ first time with Din or Frankie? (the choice is up to you) I feel like these sort of fics are another thing that bring unrealistic expectations and I think it would actually be more enjoyable to read something that’s more honest - including the nerves and the communication about what feels good and telling the other what you don’t like.

Okay that was a really long ask so I’ll finish off by saying I don’t know if you take requests or not. I looked through your blog and couldn’t see anything. So if you don’t, please feel free to ignore or just keep it in the back of your mind for the future. ❤️

Hi nonny! I'm glad you enjoyed my fic!

I'm not sure if you caught the authors notes on it, but the only reason I wrote it was because I had noticed a considerable increase in people complaining about how unrealistic fanfiction is, and that just rubbed me the wrong way, especially because the people complaining about it didn't seem to want to DO anything about it!

It's... fiction. It's not supposed to be realistic!

Riding dragons isn't realistic, or going on amazing adventures through space, or casting spells. Or even meeting random hot strangers in backalley cantinas with jumbodicks that think you're wife material after the first mind blowing, multiple orgasm having, instantly impregnated megafuck.

And that's the point!

Fanfiction doesn't HAVE to be realistic, and frankly SHOULDN'T be held to the same standards as real life because it isn't. Where are the fics about someone having to poop in the middle of having sex? Or the reader inserts demanding the love interest get a real job to support their baby on the way? Buy a real house instead of living out of a space ship? What about daycare and food expenses? How about taxes? What if someone has an STD? Or a condom breaks? What about just... having an average sized dick, or not being able to cum because you're too distracted by a job interview you have the next day? The list goes on.

Fanfiction is supposed to be an escape from reality, not the prime example of what your actual real life should look like, and if you're using fanfiction to justify your real life actions and expectations then you're in for a bad time.

That is why I wrote The Things We Do For Love. That is what real life, honest-to-Kevva sex looks like, at least in my house. It's messy and weird and frankly a little gross but it's BEAUTIFUL and I wouldn't trade it for all the space dicks in the galaxy!

You can enjoy tentacle dick eggpreg fics, or fics where you're a magical entity, or even enjoy a non-con alien experience from the safety of your reading device. There's nothing wrong with that!

But if you try to hold your REAL LIFE partners to this expectation then that's not fair. To you or your partner.

Can you expect them to be loving, supportive, caring partners that openly communicate their needs, and listen to yours? ("my knees hurt and I'm full of lasagna"/"I need a vibrator to get off", etc)

YES!

Can you ask that your partner respects when you need to tap out, or that you respect when they need to as well? ("my work day was long, I can't get it up right now"/I have a yeast infection we better not")

YES!!

And, most importantly, can you have goofy, dumb, sloppy sex with someone who loves you no matter what? Who thinks you're the most beautiful, celestial creature ever to roll out of bed in the morning with crusties in your eyes and your hair all fucked up and say "Damn, you're gorgeous!" Who stands there in their dirty, wrinkled shirt with armpit stains, missing one sock, joints creaking like a haunted house, and you wonder how you got so lucky?

Yes you fuckin can!!

Anon, my friend, thank you for reading my fic, I may or may not write more of these types of fic since my specialty is more along the lines of monsterfucking, but we'll see what the muses throw my way.

In response to your 'first time' request I'll tell you about mine. I was 15 and he was 17, he snuck over to my house when my mom wasn't home and we had sex that lasted all of about 10 minutes. I barely bleed when my hymen broke, it was like maybe a drop nbd. After he came he told me all about our wedding and how we were going to have at least 3 children and how good he was going to take care of his stay at home wife. (15. I am 15 in this instance)

The mint flavored condom gave me a UTI.

Sorry but first times are dumb and awful, which is %100 how they should be. In real life you're not going to lose your V card to a well-versed, experienced older man. That's a predator.

Also your first time, your real first time, you're not going to KNOW what you want! That takes practice, and it can change over the years. Early in our relationship I didn't like being eaten out, now I require it, but I also need a vibrator to take bigger toys. This works well for him. He's uncut, so he needs to open me up before he dives in. (Another thing you never see in fiction. They're always just PLOWIN in there no lube or nothing.)

LUBE OH MY GOD YOU NEED LUBE!! LUUUUUUUUUUBE!!!

i lov loob :3

AGAIN if this is the kind of fiction you enjoy, enjoy it!! Nobody gets to tell you what you can or cannot enjoy when you read fiction! But please for the love of all that is good and holy do NOT expect it in real life! It's not weird if you don't lose your virginity/have your first kiss/etc in your teens, if you keep those well into adulthood it's fine. You'll get there in your own time, at your own pace, but don't anyone coerce you; or you them. Respect goes both ways.

I'm sorry if this wasn't the answer you were looking for, but if you have questions I'm always up for a chat!