#and then when he loses he throws a fit quits has a crisis of self and then joins a terrorist organization

[petrichorium]

I didn’t post abt it at the time but this was insane like genuinely. I think about it way too often and I don’t think we talk abt either of these two enough let alone this specific interaction bc it’s Insane

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

You said in a previous post that Kai and Skylor would have more childrens than the others... How much childrens do you think they'll have ? ( Including Wyldfyre, adopted overprotective big sis *^* )

Including Wyldfyre, that'd be four (everyone else only has one or two for simplicity and my sanity)

I'm torn, though, because I wanted Kai's oldest to be older than the Jaya twins, but timelinewise that might not work (on top of the fact that his firstborn would inherit Fire and that would mean he loses his powers and that would kind of mess up DR as a whole...unless I use the Blue Crystal loophole like I do with Jesse + Cam)

I also had the thought that Skylor is pregnant when The Merge happens. If it's the first kid, she can stop the automatic inheritance (and prevent Kai losing his powers wherever he might be lost) if she willingly gives up her powers to them first, but then that also means it might take a while for the other two kids to show up. If it's the second kid, then she'd just lose her powers anyway, but the third kid then doesn't have a crazy age gap with the first. It's a pickle that matters only to me.

Anyway, what IS consistent is this:

The "Fire" kid is named Blaire. They're non-binary, and... compromised of basically Kai and Skylor's worst traits. Hotheadedness, impulsive, prone to lying, single-minded, easily distracted, prone to violence, impatient...not a single soft thought in this kid's head. Their weakness is that they are very much a mama's kid and Skylor works with them to channel all that aggression properly, but they do still have hair-trigger anger and are easily annoyed. They are not a people-person whatsoever (contrasting their Smith-Walker cousins) and is always trying to fight Lucina and Wyldfyre (and Lucina and Wyldfyre just gleefully go with it cuz they thinks they're just playing). Eventually mellows out when they accidentally hurt their little sister in a fit of fury (and oh how Kai chewed them out for that one)

The "Amber" kid is Blythe. He's the opposite of Blaire entirely: quiet, reserved, level-headed, overly responsible, and not quite like either of his parents, making it hard for him to relate to some of their more...bombastic tendencies (and actually makes him a little jealous of Wyldfyre for being so much like Kai). He also isn't a people-person, but can at least fake it unlike Blaire. He is amused by his cousins though, has a soft spot for Cam, and very much enjoys using everyone's powers against them just to give them a taste of their own medicine (the rest of the kids tend to forget that's a thing he can do too...especially Blaire).

The "Third, Non-Elemental" kid is Briar. She's always playing "catch up" with everyone else as she is probably the youngest one. Essentially inherits Kai's low self-esteem and Skylor's fear of inadequacy because her siblings have such crazy powers and thus thinks she's "not special" and "pointless" which sends Kai into a secondary crisis as soon as he learns please sweet baby don't throw yourself off a boat or into a volcano (she's adorable but also very depressed) (Briar does become far more proficient with weapons than either of her siblings, however. Also also Briar has heterochromia like Lucina due to being a Dual Element Descendant.)

But yeah the main snag is that I can't decide on Blaire and Blythe's birth order. I'm probably going to compromise with Blythe (Amber) -> Blaire (Fire)-> Briar, with Blythe getting his powers via Skylor giving hers up for whatever reason, and then Blaire's the one born Post-Merge anyway but has a delay on inheriting their powers (like Lilly), but ugh ya gotta jump through so many hoops to make it work T-T)9

[redqueen-hypothesis]

duo dates ➳ mlqc

KIRO

⤞ visiting animal rescue shelters together

it’s obvious that kiro has quite the soft spot for furry animals from the sheer number of strays he’s picked off the streets one way or another. both amused and inspired by how excited he gets from being around apple box and cello, you decide to feature him in one of your documentaries about abandoned pets, allowing him to work with a rescue shelter for a day. you’ve never seen him so excited, giggles and delighted laughter falling freely from his mouth as puppies and kittens crawl over him, nosing and licking at every part of him. he gets very emotional when he hears about the number of animals that get abandoned and have to be euthanized once they stop being ‘cute’, and the staff lets out a collective sniff from behind the cameras when they see his own eyes filling with tears.

so, it’s no surprise when kiro decides to head back to the animal shelter on his own, and he invites you along with him too! the two of you become longtime volunteers at the shelter, and kiro absolutely loves the animals there (you’d jokingly told him that you’re jealous before, to which he showered you with loud kisses and ardent declarations of love until you were dying of embarrassment). he names all of the animals there with some of the weirdest names, like ‘triangle ears’ and ‘fur tail’, but tends to forget them and mix them up with each visit. will wear the animal mascot suit and stand outside to encourage volunteers to sign up, and gives monthly anonymous donations but the staff all know it’s him. he complains they only treat him extra nice during that time, but you know all the staff adore him (and honestly, who doesn’t, with that pure heart and bright smile?)

not afraid to get down and dirty with the animals! you and the rest of the staff watch with varying degrees of admiration (and horror) as he throws himself into the mud along with the animals, stealing squeaky toys and toy bones alike from right under their noses and running for his life as a pack of dogs chase him from behind. when kiro’s exhausted himself playing with them, he’ll come into the shade damp with sweat and immediately flop down with his head on your lap, pretending to snore loudly, although he really does fall asleep sometimes. refers to himself as the dad and you as the mom, and will sometimes tell the pups to ask you for permission to wolf down their dog chow. “it’s practice for taking care of our future family!” he insists, wrapping his arms around you right after he’s finished chasing the dogs in the rain. when you shake your head and ask him where on earth you’re going to find a family as chaotic as this, he slyly winks and says he wants as many kids as there are dogs in the shelter. you aim a kick at him.

GAVIN

⤞ learning self defense from him

it had started for a multitude of reasons. first of all, you had mentioned wanting to get into shape and shed some excess some way, and had been looking for a way to get fit quickly. secondly, there had been a stalker who had been following you home for a few nights when you left the office late, although that had been quickly put to an end when gavin came over to pick you up on a late night food run and promptly made the guy eat pavement. he’d been worried about you, and suggested learning a form of self defense in order to better protect yourself in case he wasn’t there. lastly, you wanted to see gavin sleeveless, sweaty and... yeah. that’s it. that’s the reason.

the first few lessons, you’re so distracted by that tight fitting black tank top and dear lord those arms and abs that you nearly get your nose broken by your dear teacher gavin, who panics for a good entire hour and won’t stop apologising. he suggests stopping the lessons, but you insist on continuing, determined to actually focus this time round (you can ogle his body another time when there isn’t a fist flying at your face). it starts off as a way to spend more time with gavin and allowing him to do what he likes at first, but then your competitive side quickly starts to take over and you find yourself becoming more and more interested in the sport itself. gavin never really goes very hard on you, but he isn’t an easy coach either. he works with you to improve your fitness levels, going to the gym with you, following you on your jogging rounds whenever you want him to, and letting you punch him all you want (your hands probably hurt more than his rock hard body does anyway).

your favourite part, though, is watching gavin truly sink into his element, because he looks extra hot when he’s in the fighting ring squaring off in a practice match against another opponent. there’s a calm, composed expression on his face, but his eyes shine with a dangerous light that remind you of a starving wolf. when he does go toe to toe with his opponent, you rarely have a second to blink before gavin’s already moving lightning quick to take his him down. it’s a side of him you rarely get to see since he’s always so sweet and tender with you, but you can’t help gushing to him about how sexy he is and watching as his ears burn bright red with barely suppressed (but pleased) embarrassment. in the fighting gym, you’re the only one who’s managed a takedown on him before so you’re somewhat of a legend, but you had played dirty, kissing him full on the mouth when he wasn’t expecting it and he had promptly frozen on the spot.

suffice to say no one else has dared to replicate the technique on him.

VICTOR

⤞ teaching him the ways of an arcade

he would have never agreed to this if he had known just how awful he was at these. victor li can conquer the financial business scene in less than five years straight out of college but can’t for the life of him pass a single level of dance off, much less win against a child less than half his age. he looks so... uncomfortable stepping into that noisy space playing all sorts of loud, upbeat music at once, ear splitting hollers from kids playing other games punctuating the mishmash of songs - it’s only then that you realise that victor has never, in his entire childhood, set foot into an arcade before.

you collect your card at the counter before dragging him to the racing games, sitting him firmly down in your seat before teaching him how to customise his own car. he would have spent hours doing this until you nudge him to the next section, the actual race, and that’s when he starts panicking in typical victor fashion, trying to act calm but asking all sorts of funny questions. demands to know what’s the difference in the game for auto and manual steering, protests repeatedly that “this isn’t how a car works”. it’s even more hilarious seeing him try out the dance games, in which he had faced off against a ten year old and promptly lost. it hurt his pride, but you had laughed so hard your face turned red, so maybe it’s worth it. but only a little bit. and he’s still not doing this again. awhile into the arcade he begins to relax a little and his competitive side starts to shine through, he’s no longer worried about looking like an idiot and instead puts his all into every single game. in fact, you find yourself increasingly distracted by that very endearing expression of focus on his face as he awkwardly tries to navigate his long legs according to the beat, and the childish excitement plain on his face when he finally passes a level makes you smile so hard your cheeks hurt.

at this point, he’s calling the claw machine a complete scam and is ready to sue the entire arcade chain when you’ve decided enough is enough and pull him from the arcade. the two of you end up cramped in a photobooth with your prizes, a totoro hood for him and a rabbit ear headband for you, and you keep the polaroids in your wallet ever since then. you don’t realise that he’s stolen one for himself, and now it sits buried deep in the drawer of his work desk where he looks at it secretly when you aren’t there.

LUCIEN

⤞ horror house/escape room to find his weakness

lucien’s practically unflappable in any situation, seemingly able to respond to any crisis or chaos with the same, serene smile. when you ask him what he’s afraid of, he gives you the same cheesy answer he always does: losing you is the only thing he’s fearful of (to which you just don’t stop blushing, no matter how many times he says it. is it the way he looks at you, or the way his voice just drops to a genuine, low whisper whenever he says it?) as such, you had challenged yourself to find out what his weaknesses were, and tried a variety of the strangest ideas on the internet such as sticking toy cockroaches in the kitchen, only to get terrified yourself at the sight of a forgotten dummy you’d left on the shelf and had nearly broken a cup in the process. after that, lucien had suggested taking your attempts out of the house instead - and thus, horror houses and escape rooms it was.

going to horror houses with lucien is probably the best and worst idea you’ve ever had. in terms of effectiveness of achieving your goal, it’s completely useless - even the most terrifying and renowned of horror houses have lucien walking out completely unfazed, or worse, carrying you in his arms bridal style because your legs are shaking too much to walk straight. the only upside to this is that when you’re terrified, you cling to lucien and he just whispers soothing words into your hair, explaining how the horror house uses mist and smoke dispensers here and there, how the lights change colour and where the actors hide. the poor actors have probably gotten tired of being repeatedly exposed and having to change positions, so many of the horror houses just give the two of you complementary coupons and beg you not to come back. the photos you get of the two of you always include you with the strangest expressions, while lucien’s face just looks like a ctrl+c ctrl+v of his usual expression.

in the end, you give up trying to scare him and just enjoy the horror houses with him, clinging to his arm when you’re scared and letting him calm you down. from the content smile on lucien’s face you see in the pictures, he looks like he’s rather enjoying this. you don’t know this, but he actually buys all the pictures and puts them in his own personal photo album. you’ll probably die of shame if you find out.

SHAW

⤞ busking together on the streets

you had mentioned being extremely nervous about your first time performing live at the live house with the band, so shaw had dragged you along with him to go busking on the streets with him. at first, you had been extremely resistant to the idea (it’s on the streets!! where people can just!! take videos of you and the entire world will know if you screw up!!), but shaw had encouraged you in his own strange way that included a lot of teasing, goading and actual breaking down of how the process would go before you felt confident enough to go with him. “don’t worry,” shaw had said standoffishly as he helped you set up your keyboard, not looking at you the entire time. “i’m way more handsome, so i’m sure they’ll be looking at me the entire time and won’t even notice if you play a completely different song.” offended, you had pulled at his ear, but you were smiling secretly to yourself the entire time, and whispered a ‘thanks’ under your breath. he pretended not to have heard it, but from the way his smirk seemed just a hint happier the entire evening, he must have.

you love little moments that lead up to the actual busking sessions every weekend, sending each other songs and working out the keys over the duration of the week. practicing together and watching as your chemistry falls more and more in sync until the two of you can do perfect runs without any words spoken between you, until you can read the little subtle cues in the way he flexes his fingers on the fretboard before going in on a particularly difficult solo, or the way he turns back to glance at you when your parts are coming up. perhaps the best thing of all is the test covers he sends you to discuss the song flows, because you (secretly) love the sound of his voice when he sings and keep every recording, listening to them when you fall asleep at night (little do you know he does the exact same thing, although he would rather die than let you find out).

shaw covers up for you when you play wrong notes, but he relentlessly teases you for them afterwards. throws hands if any hecklers in the audience insult your playing, and you have to drag him away, apologising for the rudeness while trying not to smile too hard as shaw swears loudly behind you. the money you make from the busking is usually spend on a late night supper after your busking sessions in small food joints whose owners and customers all seem to know shaw somehow, calling him a little rascal and thanking you for mellowing him out. shaw retorts by calling them old men spouting nonsense, hiding a fond smirk behind the cup of his pepsi-coke mix and stuffing food in your mouth when you laugh at him.

[heartslogos]

newfragile yellows [953]

“I think that there are some people who are just meant to be together. Like. In every iteration of the universe, somehow, someway, Ellana Lavellan and the Iron Bull will cross paths, and they will — make no mistake — find some way to continue crossing paths and inevitably become hooked on each other’s existences. That’s really the only thing I can say here. Somewhere, some kind of god or power that be looked down on the planet, saw these two, and went, ‘those two? Absolutely must be put together’. Like salt and pepper, oil and fire, Orlesians and complications, Fereldans and dogs, Free Marchers and arguing. It just is.”

“That’s very touching, Maxwell. Thank you,” Ellana says. “But I feel as though you’re saying this in order to preface something incredibly pessimistic. Are you? You could just stop there, you know.”

“I know. But I’m not going to.” Max continues, “Because when the two of you do part ways the universe gets mad and does it's best to shove you two back together again, even if you two are only going apart temporarily for legitimate reasons. Like right now. When the Iron Bull was supposed to be holding things down at Adamant. Which is, quite notably, on the other side of Orlais. Now, how do you figure he’s gotten all the way here just in time to help us in the middle of Denerim of all places?”

“The power of love?” Ellana says. “Or maybe Evelyn had him come over because she had a premonition.”

“My cousin does not have premonitions. Do not even think about ascribing such a power to her, Ellana. Do you think we’d be in this mess if Evelyn had premonitions? At best she has a faint tingle of self preservation but it’s completely run down and pushed aside by her overwhelmingly staunch sense of justice and unyielding morals. If there’s anyone in the world I would trust to march right up to the Maker and pass Him a list of everything he’s done wrong it would by my cousin. Don’t get me wrong, she’d feel conflicted about it and all. But ultimately if she sees no one else doing it, good lord, she’d be the one to do it and she’d even have it annotated.”

“You put your cousin in such high regard, Max.”

“I refuse to believe that there isn’t a single Trevelyan worth listening to. It’s got to be Evelyn.”

“And not you?”

Max throws his head back, laughing brightly as he claps his hands together. Ellana pinches Max’s side.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

“Then you have a glorious talent,” Max replies. “Enough about me. Can we focus on how the Iron Bull is somehow here, instead of across the extreme edges of the map, and somehow found us when our own assigned team of soldiers, scouts, and various sundry aides hasn’t yet?”

“Well. He’s the Iron Bull, Max. He’s very clever,” Ellana says, sounding extremely serene and coherent for someone who’s been dosed with a truly troubling amount of magebane. “Max, do you think you can choke on your vomit if you’re upside down?”

“Ellana, I can assure you I haven’t the slightest idea. Frankly, I don’t know how we’re having this conversation whilst maintaining our composure. I think it’s the ludicrous appearance of your beau that’s finally snapped my sanity. I should be worrying. I should be attempting to get out of these ropes so I can get you out of your ropes and then rush you to a healer before you possibly die. And yet? Here we are. Strung up like hams from the ceiling, watching the Iron Bull — who I’m still not convinced isn’t a hallucination — absolutely demolish our captors with his crew.”

“Well we can’t both be hallucinating the Iron Bull. And if we were that would be saying something. I know why I would hallucinate the Iron Bull, why would you be hallucinating him?”

“Haven’t the slightest idea. Maybe we were both drugged and this is an elaborate illusion created by demons or some such creature.”

“This isn’t usually what demons show me when they’re trying to mess with me,” Ellana replies. “Seriously. If I throw up whilst we’re strung up like this do you think I’ll choke?”

“I seriously don’t know, really. I can promise you I’ve not had this experience before.”

Ellana hums. “If I throw up do you think it’d help get the magebane out of me? Or has it already worked its way into my system, do you think?”

“Ellana, I’m not a physician or a healer or an apothecary or a barber. I haven’t the faintest hint of an idea, I promise you. Now, if I were capable of drawing in enough breath to yell I would. But I can’t because they truly tied me up tight and every time I breath I can feel something grinding in my ribs.”

“That’s awful,” Ellana replies. “I think I’m losing my vision.”

“Well. That’s a sign that the magebane has most certainly gotten to you, hasn’t it? Are you capable of yelling to attract their attention and letting them know we’re in most dire straights?”

“Sure,” Ellana replies. “I’ll give it a shot. What should I start with, you think? That I’ve been poisoned and am slowly losing consciousness, you’ve got broken ribs and might cease being able to breathe pretty soon, or the fact that they’re fighting near several flammable items?”

“Oh, surely a woman of your talent can manage to fit in all of the above in one go. But if you can’t I think you ought to start with the last one.”

“Fair enough. You know Max, it might be because of the extremely powerful poison that I’ve been made to ingest that’s draining my magic and my wellbeing, but I think you are a wonderful person to have in a crisis. You’re thinking very clearly and you’re thinking for two.”

“Thank you. Please start yelling because I felt something inside of me shift in a way it definitely shouldn’t and I’m very concerned.”

“Right-o.” Ellana sucks in a breath. “There’s explosives in the crates behind you!”

“Well done. Now maybe the poison bit next.”

“You sure not your thing?”

“Positive.”

“They’ve got mage bane! And so do I! Cut us down quick, Max’s got something wrong too. We’re not exactly sure.” Ellana sighs. “Max.”

“Yes, Ellana?”

“I feel incredibly tired from that yelling. Be a dear and wake me up once it’s all over, will you? I’m just going to close eyes for a moment. I hope that when I open them again I’m in the Iron Bull’s arms and he’s looking extremely cross at me for getting into trouble.”

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 4

Perrin goes hunting and we consider the problems with zero-sum solitaire, and Galad... is Galad.

Chapter 4: The Pattern Groans

We’re with Perrin, but it smells like corpses and the grass looks infected and it’s not the first time this has been brought up, so… how sure are we the Blight is staying put?

Oh, the Aes Sedai agree. Is this part of the Pattern fraying and the Dark One reaching out into the world, then? That the Blight sort of crops up in those stretched spaces?

Especially because at this point in the timeline, Rand’s not exactly counteracting it.

Light, Perrin thought, taking the leaf as Nevarin handed it to him. It smelled of decay. What kind of world is it where the Blight is the good alternative?

I don’t know, ask Lan.

“It’s probably not dangerous,” Perrin said.

Presented without further context. Famous last words, Perrin. Right up there with ‘a trap’s not a trap if you know it’s there’ –Rand al’Thor.

Meanwhile Perrin’s still dealing with Office Politics: Epic Fantasy Edition on a constant basis. Well, you and Egwene will have plenty to talk about when you finally meet in Tel’aran’rhiod or maybe for that dance you owe her on Sunday.

(I have absolutely no expectation of the latter happening; I just like to remember it sometimes because it’s the right kind of sad. The former though… please).

If only those clouds would pass so they could get some good sunlight to dry the soil

Given where you seem to be relative to Rand’s timeline, Perrin, you… might be waiting a little while. Might I recommend an umbrella? Or perhaps some fire insurance?

A strange village with an architectural style that seems out of place? Shiota again, perhaps? Either way, You probably do not want to go into that village. You may not ever come out. Well, okay, you’re a protagonist so you’ll probably be fine, but all the same.

Light! How bad were things becoming?

The thing with the timeline misalignment is that it takes away from the effect of this a little bit, for me. Because while I get that the Pattern itself is being strained and the Dark One is drawing closer to the world and all that, and Rand’s revelation on Dragonmount isn’t going to immediately fix everything, some of the tension there is gone. When such a major arc has finally passed its darkest point and reached a kind of catharsis, it’s a little weird to then go back to ‘okay but pretend that hasn’t happened yet’.

So, yes, I think this is probably not specifically related to Rand (inasmuch as anything at this point can be said to be not related to Rand, given his power and his role and his Fisher King-like link to the entire world), and therefore isn’t just a ‘oh don’t worry this will fix once the timelines are caught up’ but I can’t help feeling some of that anyway.

“Burn the village,” he said, turning. “Use the One Power.”

Should’ve invited Rand.

WOLF DREAM WOLF DREAM WOLF DREAM!

Even in Tel’aran’rhiod there’s a storm. But again, I can’t help but feel that some of the impact that should have (‘I am the storm’) is lacking a little, now. It’s not a major criticism and a lot of it is probably just me, but… I don’t know. It just feels ever so slightly off.

The wolves are calling to Perrin and so of course we come back to his central conflict with himself but surely this, too, must be approaching its point of crisis soon. There’s just not that much time left, and he’s been circling this one for so long, and especially after Malden he’s constantly being forced to look at it, just as Rand came closer and closer to that necessary confrontation with himself and the part of him that was Lews Therin and what he’s doing.

The invitations awakened something deep within him, the wolf he tried to keep locked away. But a wolf could not be locked up for long. It either escaped or it died

This touches on a particularly ironic aspect of this conflict: Perrin tries to lock the wolf aspect of himself away, to shut it out and refuse it, because he is afraid of losing himself to it. But it is a part of himself, and so by shutting it away in order to keep from losing who he is, he is in fact trying to kill or lose… a part of who he is.

Again, there’s the obvious parallel to Rand here, and the whole question of how to accept a part of yourself you’re terrified of, a part of yourself you hate or fear or cannot reconcile with the rest of your self-perception. The whole struggle of identity, of acceptance and denial, of answering that age-old question of who are you?

And I like how we get to watch so many different characters take on that struggle, from slightly different directions or with slightly different variations, but at the centre of it all that same question of identity, and what it means to be who you are versus who you must be versus who you choose to be, and how to find that balance. So many characters at war with themselves one way or another, and ultimately they all have to find some way to make peace, and so we just get Identity: Theme and Variation across the series.

(Of course, there are also the characters who aren’t at war with themselves, and whose stories of identity take on a slightly different flavour – Egwene being an obvious example – but I’ll just… save that one for another time or else we’ll be here all day).

“No!” Perrin said, sitting up, holding his head. “I will not lose myself in you.”

(Said Rand to Lews Therin).

Except by denying them, Perrin, you only lose a different part of yourself. And if so much of your energy and self is dedicated to fighting yourself, are you not also then lost? You can’t win a war when you are your own opponent.

He’s looking at this as a zero-sum game: himself against the wolf, and only one can win, and the other must be lost. And so he chooses himself, and tries to suppress or defeat the wolf, but it’s not a zero-sum game, for the very simple reason that there is no other player. He just thinks there is. Much as Rand viewed Lews Therin as an opponent, rather than as a part of himself.

In summary: don’t play prisoner’s dilemma with yourself, because that way lies madness.

You are invited, Young Bull, Hopper sent.

An invitation, not a demand. A gift, an offering, and of course a choice. It’s not something trying to consume him or fight him.

“Hopper, we spoke of this. I’m losing myself. When I go into battle, I become enraged. Like a wolf.”

Like a wolf? Hopper sent. Young Bull, you are a wolf. And a man. Come hunt.

I like the way they talk almost across each other here; Perrin is so set on viewing this as a fight, as a zero-sum game, as an either-or. And Hopper doesn’t understand what he’s on about, because as far as Hopper is concerned, Perrin is a man and a wolf and the two are not mutually exclusive. (Rand and Lews Therin are one and the same).

“I will not let this consume me.” He thought of a young man with golden eyes, locked in a cage, all humanity gone from him.

Except that as he is now, the wolf-aspect of him is effectively encaged, and that’s probably not healthy either. Still, though, so long as he insists on seeing it as something separate to himself, something invasive or antagonistic or other, some part of him will always be trapped.

Which… we’re given Noam as an example, and I do think there’s a path down which Perrin could theoretically end up being ‘consumed’ by the wolf, just as there was a path down which Rand could have ended up, as Moiraine put it, calling himself Lews Therin and Lanfear’s devoted lover. Or, you know, killing his father and the world and himself, and succumbing to the exact fate he pushed Lews Therin away in fear of in the first place.

Because when you’re that committed to framing it as a fight, and suppressing one side or the other, it’s hard to keep it from becoming that, even if that’s not what it ‘should’ be. Not all battles against oneself end in reconciliation. But there’s a bitter kind of irony to it, in that I think the only way Perrin would end up truly ‘losing himself’ to the wolf would be because he framed it as something he could lose to in the first place. (Or, I suppose, if he specifically chose that path and chose to suppress the human side of himself instead).

“I must learn to control this, or I must banish the wolf from me,” Perrin said.

Except that perception, right there, is the entire reason it’s such a struggle in the first place right now. It’s not an either-or. They’re not two separate things, and it’s not something that needs to be leashed.

It's that whole… the more you fight against some part of yourself, the harder it becomes to actually keep it in check, and so we arrive back at something very like ‘surrender to control’. Or, perhaps more accurately, ‘accept in order to control’. Control being also not quite the right word here, because that’s also part of the point.

Basically, throwing up a wall against parts of yourself you’re afraid of rather than understanding them and figuring out how to integrate or improve or work with or channel or grow past or whatever-else them is not a sustainable solution, Perrin. Because those parts of you aren’t just going to go away if you deny them strongly enough; you have to at least understand them, and acknowledge them for what they are, and then you can figure out where you want to go from there. Which, likely, will mean recognising that they’re neither as simple-black-and-white nor as terrifying as you think. It just also means having to do some introspection and maybe realise some things about yourself that challenge your existing self-image. It’s good for you. As Rand could perhaps tell you, once he’s done picking apples.

I do sort of wish this could have been done in the previous book, aligned with Rand’s own last stages of his fight with himself and eventual realisation – sort of the way the cascading ending of characters coming into their power was done in TSR – but also I get that sometimes it’s just not possible to fit everything in exactly the way you want. I promise I’ll stop complaining about having to play timeline catch-up soon.

Anyway, Hopper’s bored of this and wants to go hunting already. Especially because he’s looking at the calendar and realising they have maybe half a term to cram at least a few years’ worth of learning into, so can we get on with it already.

In a previous visit to the wolf dream, Perrin had demanded that Hopper train him to master the place. Very inappropriate for a young wolf – a kind of challenge to the elder’s seniority – but this was a response. Hopper had come to teach, but he would do it as a wolf taught.

Yes. And I think the point there, beyond anything to do with a challenge to seniority, is that if Perrin is going to learn how to walk the wolf dream, he’s going to have to come to terms with the part of him that brings him there in the first place. He can’t learn if he’s holding half of himself back at the same time.

“I will hunt with you – but I must not lose myself.”

But this is you, Perrin. And okay on the whole issue of hunting, I think Perrin sees it as a kind of… succumbing to base instincts, which is part of why he fights it. But I really don’t think that’s what we’re talking about here. I don’t think it’s ‘sure, go for murder breaks whenever you get bored’; I think it’s about… finding a balance in the side of himself that is capable of violence and that thrills in a fight, not by just letting it run wild but just by… understanding that it’s there, because once he does that, he can decide how to direct it.

I mean, we all have parts of ourselves that maybe aren’t always fit for polite company, but pretending they don’t exist isn’t going to make them go away, but understanding them and accepting them sometimes makes it easier to find another way to channel them that’s more… well, I suppose the word Perrin would want here is ‘controlled’. But really, I think it’s more ‘conscious’.

To use his own analogy, it’s the whole ‘the iron in front of him, not dreams of silver’ idea. Work with what you have; understand the components for what they are. That doesn’t mean you can’t work them at all, or reshape them, or hone them, or turn them into something better; it just means seeing those pieces, those starting points, honestly. And understanding what will and won’t work in terms of shaping them. He’s been given these pieces of metal but he insists on not using some of them, or on not even looking at them closely enough to see what metal they are, and I don’t know anything about metalworking so should probably stop this analogy here before I break it.

Anyway Hopper is just enjoying the opportunity to drag Perrin repeatedly, for his own amusement and that of the other wolves.

Meanwhile Perrin’s getting stuck in the long grass, which is absolutely not a metaphor for anything.

I can’t ignore my problems! Perrin thought back.

Yet you often do, Hopper sent.

Well and if that’s not a perfect summary of Perrin’s arc pretty much since the Two Rivers, I don’t know what is. ‘I can’t ignore my problems,’ says Perrin, ignoring at least five problems he doesn’t want to acknowledge in favour of the one or two he can do something about.

Or, as may be more accurately the case, ignoring his own problems in favour of the external ones he can hammer out a solution for.

Credit where it’s due: Perrin knows Hopper’s right.

There, lying on the ground, were the three chunks of metal he’d forged in his earlier dream. The large lump the size of two fists, the flattened rod, the thin rectangle.

Those are oddly specific. Shame there’s not twenty-three of them.

I’d say it sounds like the makings of a hammer except I don’t know what the thin rectangle would be in that case, and he already has a hammer.

Oh hey his prophetic dream-visions are back! It’s been a minute.

Mat stood there. He was fighting against himself, a dozen different men wearing his face, all dressed in different types of fine clothing. Mat spun his spear, and never saw the shadowy figure creeping behind him, bearing a bloody knife.

So the immediate association I have between Mat and a knife is, of course, the ruby dagger currently in the hands of our good friend Padan Fain. Though I suppose we’ve also now introduced the Seanchan Bloodknives to the scene, which would fit with the whole ‘shadowy figure’ as well.

But it’s the rest of this vision that has me intrigued, here. Because my immediate thought – that he’s fighting himself in the sense of all the men whose memories he now holds – doesn’t really make sense at all, because Mat accepted those memories a long time ago; they’ve not felt like a challenge to his identity in nearly the same way as the wolves have been for Perrin or Lews Therin was for Rand.

So then… more figurative? Is it still an identity thing but more about reconciling all the different roles he holds, that pull him in different directions (and some, like his status as Prince of the Ravens, that he has perhaps not quite so fully accepted)?

Or is this some Eelfinn/Aelfinn shit? We know he’s headed there, and it’s another dimension so all bets are off, really.

Or are we going to get into some kind of… decoys strategy? He’s being set up as a general for the Last Battle, so maybe someone or something turning his own strategies or forces against him?

Perrin’s not sure either, and next up we get wolves chasing sheep into the woods full of monsters. That… could honestly be anything. The wolves look wrong, so Darkhounds, maybe? Though in that case I’d expect him to recognise them. As for who he’s chasing… I mean, you can hardly swing a cat in here without hitting a malevolent force these days, so your guess is as good as mine, Perrin.

Hopper doesn’t have time for prophetic movie screenings and would very much like to get on with this hunt now, please, seriously Young Bull it’s been two years, I’m not getting any younger here.

(Hopper, you’re dead; you don’t even age. ‘NO BUT MY PATIENCE DOES’).

Perrin remembered the time; it had been during the early days of Faile’s captivity.

Had he really looked that bad? Light, but he seemed ragged. Almost like a beggar. Or… like Noam.

Oh okay this is a really interesting realisation from Perrin, and a perspective I hadn’t actually considered from this angle. There’s more than one way to lose yourself, and in giving entirely in to the very human side of him (and, perhaps, what Hopper might call a human need for control), and fixating on a single task in that sense, he came close to the same kind of loss of self that he associates with becoming entirely wolf.

And that this version of himself came not as a result of ‘giving in’ to the wolves at all. That maybe, Perrin, the wolves aren’t the source of the problem you’re having with finding a balance within yourself; they’re just a convenient scapegoat, something to project the division within yourself onto.

“Stop trying to confuse me!” Perrin said. “I became that way because I was dedicated to finding Faile, not because I was giving into the wolves!”

Which is… kind of the point, Perrin. There is more than one way to lose yourself. And your dedication to finding Faile was just… another form of focusing only on aspects, and neglecting all the other parts of yourself. But how is neglecting the wolf part of yourself going to solve that? Is that not just another way of fixating on what you think you should be, or on a single task, to the exclusion of what is there?

Hopper’s decided to move on to an object lesson: if you want to keep up, you’ll have to figure out how to run. No more holding back.

I want Hopper and the Wise Ones to meet, sometime. I just think that would be entertaining on all sides.

And so Perrin runs. Finally.

The forest was his. It belonged to him, and he understood it.

His worries began to melt away. He allowed himself to accept things as they were, not as he feared they might become.

Now, the next step: do the same for yourself. Accept yourself as you are, not as you fear you might become. You’re so close, Perrin.

It was exhilarating. Had he ever felt so alive? So much a part of the world around him, yet master of it at the same time?

There’s a surrender/control kind of feeling to this, as well. So much of this is so very, very close to what Perrin needs to learn – or rather, learn to apply to himself. This idea of being part of yet master of at the same time. Master of my fate, captain of my soul, that whole deal. That he can accept and be the wolf, but not be lost in it, just as he is not lost in this world around him that he allows himself to be part of, yet still retains himself and his control.

Whoops caught a whiff of a stag so no more time for existential crisis because that means DINNER.

The stag, I mean. Not the existential crisis. I don’t think they make edible versions of those.

He was the herald, the point, the tip of the attack. The hunt roared behind him. It was as if he led the crashing waves of the ocean itself. But he was also holding them back.

I cannot make them slow for me, Perrin thought.

And then he was on all fours, his bow tossed aside and forgotten, his hands and legs becoming paws. Those behind him howled anew at the glory of it. Young Bull had truly joined them.

ROUND. OF. APPLAUSE.

But actually the main reason I quoted this is because it strikes me that Perrin is, perhaps more so than any of the other major characters, a very Sanderson-esque character in some ways. I’ve compared him to Kaladin before, but even without trying to draw a like-for-like relationship to one of Sanderson’s characters, his character concept feels very much along the lines of what Sanderson would write.

Anyway, I thought of that here because this reads a little like – again not like-for-like but just in the same vein of – some of the other discovery-of-magic or acceptance-of-power or learning-the-scope-of-one’s-abilities scenes Sanderson has written.

I don’t mean it as either criticism or praise; it’s just something that struck me here.

The stag has twenty-six points on its antlers, so that’s not the missing twenty-three from last chapter either.

And we’ve shifted to Young Bull in the narrative now, so Perrin’s actually going along with this wolves-do-guided-meditation class for once.

He needed to be ahead, not follow.

Definitely not a thought applicable outside of this hunt, nope, not at all, nothing to see here, nothing more abstract about needing to act rather than react, or claim the wolf thing and all the aspects of himself he hides from rather than let them drag him along or anything like that.

The stag bolted to the right, and Young Bull leaped, hitting an upright tree trunk with all four paws and pushing himself sideways to change directions.

I am quoting this solely because WOLF PARKOUR.

Sorry.

He howled, and his brothers and sisters replied from just behind. This hunt was all of them. As one.

But Young Bull led.

Leader of men, leader of wolves, LET’S DO THIS.

It’s interesting as well because for all that it’s a hunt, there’s a rather meditative quality to this scene – the simplicity of it once he fins his place, allows himself to be a part of this world around him, acting almost on instinct and leading a perfect chase, not thinking or faltering or hesitating, every movement fluid and precise and beautiful – that actually reminds me of that scene way back in TDR when he worked at the forge in Tear.

Just these few simple moments of Perrin being… himself. A kind of beautiful economy of motion and a meditative sort of rhythm and the absence of doubt or uncertainty.

Which is perfect, of course, because that first scene is for Perrin as he was, for the part of himself he knew and knows and now fears to lose, the part of him that he linked so closely to his identity. It was a reminder of who he was, at a time when he needed it – this whole story just beginning and Perrin away from his home and out of his depth and not sure who he was or what he was becoming. It was a grounding in his foundations.

And now, nearly at the end, we get something with a kind of similar feel to it, but this time it’s the wolf, the part of himself he has yet to accept. There’s almost a bookending here of past and future. One scene to ground him, and one to carry him forward. Once for acknowledgement and once for realisation. Name him true and set his path, I suppose, if I really want to shoehorn another character’s quotes in here.

Anyway.

Perrin – or rather Young Bull – brings down the stag and is looking forward to that sweet sweet venison.

There was nothing else. The forest was gone. The howls faded. There was only the kill. The sweet kill.

A form crashed into him, throwing him back into the brush. Young Bull shook his head, dazed, snarling. Another wolf had stopped him. Hopper! Why?

The stag bounded to its feet, and then bounded off through the forest again. Young Bull howled in fury and rage, preparing to run after it. Again Hopper leaped, throwing his weight at Young bull.

If it dies here, it dies the last death, Hopper sent. This hunt is done, Young Bull. We will hunt another time.

Oh.

Why, Perrin wonders here. And I think the answer here is, because this is how we do not lose ourselves. The hunt is about the joy of it, but it’s not just mindless violence. That’s Perrin’s fear, and Hopper here is teaching him… nuance, I suppose. Control. Restraint.

Because there is a difference between the hunt, between being a wolf, and just succumbing to bloodlust and violence. And I think part of Perrin’s fear comes from conflating the two in his mind, but they’re not the same thing. But without letting himself ever know or be the wolf, without understanding that side of himself, it’s hard to distinguish. And so we come to this, where he sees the wolves acting with this restraint that still does not tarnish their joy, and can perhaps understand it himself and see that ‘joining the wolves in the hunt’ does not mean ‘losing all humanity and becoming a mindless killer’.

“That,” Perrin finally said, “is what I fear.”

No, you do not fear it, Hopper sent.

Thank you, Hopper, for being absurdly wise and also for your patience.

But this is the crux of it all, isn’t it? That Perrin fears – or does not quite fear – what lies at the end of this hunt for him. And hasn’t yet learned to… I suppose trust himself? Or understand that it’s not an all-or-nothing black-or-white kind of thing. To hold on or to let go. But it’s about, as so much of this story is, a more nuanced kind of balance, and an acceptance.

And self-awareness. That too.

Worry, worry, worry. It is all that you do.

“No. I also kill. If you’re going to teach me to master the wolf dream, it’s going to happen like this?”

Yes.

You do kill, Perrin, but it’s not all you do. And I think part of this hunt was also about learning that there’s nuance even in that, maybe. That he can kill and not be monstrous.

But he had been avoiding this issue for too long, making horseshoes in the forge while leaving the most difficult and demanding pieces alone, untouched.

YES! THANK YOU PERRIN AYBARA! YOU’RE GETTING IT.

Man I love when characters finally stop fighting themselves. (I’m me, so I have a slight preference for when that surrender actually takes a much darker ‘so be it’ kind of form but listen, the heroic side is also lovely and this has been such a long time coming).

I also do really like that Perrin comes to these realisations himself. Yes, it’s taken him a long time and yes, Hopper has been pushing him and pushing him to try to get him here (along with Tam, and various others), but ultimately it has to come from him. From an understanding of himself, and an acceptance of that.

Much like Rand’s own realisation, though so many others played into it and guided him along the way or pushed him towards the edge, anchored him or tried to cut him loose, ultimately came down to him, on a mountain, thinking.

Or how Nynaeve breaking her block happened alone at the bottom of a river, in a moment where at last she understood surrender.

These books do self-realisation well, is what I’m getting at. Giving characters those chances to see themselves, and to reach these understandings, and then letting those moments – those quiet, unwitnessed, outwardly unremarkable moments – carry such weight.

He relied on the powers of scent he’d been given, reaching out to wolves when he needed them—but otherwise he’d ignored them.

YES! THIS IS! SO GOOD!

(Like Rand with Lews Therin’s memories, and knowledge of the Power).

But he gets it now. You can’t use this if you’re also trying to fight it. You have to accept it, even when that’s terrifying, even when that means confronting parts of yourself you’d rather pretend weren’t there. Because the reward, ultimately, is that you’ll actually be able to wield them, rather than being at their mercy by virtue of being constantly at war with yourself.

You couldn’t make a thing until you understood its parts. He wouldn’t know how to deal with—or reject—the wolf inside him until he understood the wolf dream.

YES THAT’S EXACTLY IT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

“Very well,” Perrin said. “So be it.”

HERE. WE. GO.

*

And now over to Galad. Fine. If we must.

Those Light-cursed swamps were behind them; now they travelled over open grasslands.

Because they’ve figured out their leadership situation and murdered the corruption from their ranks, get it?! So they’re not mired in the swamp of their own indecision and division now! They’re united and can move forwards in a cleaner direction!

If there was no danger of death, there could be no bravery, but Galad would rather have the Light shine on him while he continued to draw breath.

I mean, fair enough, and same, but that’s almost a surprising thing for Galad to think. Not that I think he’s the type to want martyrdom, but…hm. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the whole bravery thing here, but it just feels a little odd for Galad. Then again I will be the first to admit that there’s a lot about Galad that just Does Not Compute for me, so…sure. Lawful Good Paladin and all that.

He wanted to know what kind of traffic the highway was drawing

Refugees with a chance of wolves, most likely.

He remembered well the words that Gareth Bryne had once said: Most of the time, a general’s most important function was not to make decisions, but to remind men that someone would make decisions.

I just find it weirdly endearing that all three of Galad, Gawyn, and Elayne end up relying on Bryne’s wisdom from time to time, quoting him in their thoughts. Of course, it just as likely leads them in entirely opposite directions because this family is a bit of a mess, but still.

“The letter must be sent,” Galad said.

Okay but if we’re on the topic of shared family traits, evidence suggests letter-writing is not exactly a strong suit. You sure about this, Galad?

Ah, it’s a letter to the Children with the Seanchan giving them the bullet-points version of everything that’s happened. Well, far be it from me to criticise open and honest communication in this series, I suppose.

And he still plans to ally with Aes Sedai, which understandably is going over as well as a pile of Blight-mud with some of his men.

“But the witches are evil!”

Says a member of an organisation perfectly willing to overlook the torture of innocent people in order to wring confessions from ‘Darkfriends’, but…sure. Just, you know, glass houses and all that.

Once, he might have denied that. But listening to the other Children, and considering what those at Tar Valon had done to his sister, was making him think he might be too soft on the Aes Sedai.

Listening to other Children and thinking about his sister but consider this, Galad, have you ever thought of listening to her, maybe? Or, like, actually trusting her judgement when you do? Just a passing thought.

Seriously, what is it with Elayne’s brothers and continually underestimating her, her ability to look after herself, and also her reading of her own damn situation?

“However, Lord Harnesh, if they are evil, they are insignificant when compared to the Dark One.”

Well… alright, sure, at this stage I guess if that’s how you have to look at it to make this work, then fine. We don’t have time to solve everyone’s problems with everyone else before they all need to at least act as allies, so if uneasy ‘enemy of my enemy’ trust is what it takes…

Then, as Bashere said, there’s always another battle. Or as Rand said, they can all go back to killing one another once it’s done. A sad way to look at it, but for all that Rand has come a long way and is no longer looking at this in quite the same way, I think some of those things are still true. The great battle done, but the world not done with battle.

Tarmon Gai’don’s alliances won’t solve all of that, even led by a Dragon Reborn who truly has a purpose now. It may be enough to see them through, but after…?

The Wheel of Time turns.

“We need allies. Look around you, Lord Harnesh. How many Children do we have? Even with recent recruits, we are under twenty thousand. Our fortress has been taken. We are without succour or allegiance, and the great nations of the world revile us.”

Wow, I WONDER WHY.

I mean, good on Galad for taking on the task of redeeming the Whitecloaks but… it sure is going to be a Task.

“The Questioners are at fault,” Harnesh muttered.

“Part of the blame is theirs,” Galad agreed. “But it is also because those who would do evil look with disgust and resentment upon those who stand for what is right.”

Uh.

Sorry, Galad, but you’re leaving out a very large slice of the blame pie, which is: maybe the Questioners were the worst of the lot (or at the very least they make a convenient set of scapegoats), but the rest of you didn’t exactly object, or do anything about it. And plenty of you went right along (Two Rivers, anyone?) – or, sorry, were you Just Following Orders?

I mean morality is a grey area and all that but trying to pass off widespread hatred of your borderline-fanatic organisation with an unfortunate habit of killing innocent people as ‘evil people hate the righteous’ is maybe a bit of a stretch.

“In the past, the boldness – and perhaps overeagerness – of the Children has alienated those who should have been our allies.”

Euphemistic but…not wrong, I suppose. And to be fair to him (if I must), he does have a rather difficult line to walk, as the leader of this organisation. He maybe can’t just denounce them completely, but he also has to get through to them that some thing are going to have to change. And that this isn’t going to be an easy path ahead.

He's trying to enforce what they should be fighting for, underlining their stated principles and trying to get them to shift direction and also preparing them for what they’re going to face, without… undermining their foundations, or challenging them in a way that might break them.

And I suppose he actually believes some of this as well. Which is still just… sure, Galad. Okay.

I do love that he’s quoting Morgase to them. So much of her legacy has been tarnished that it’s nice to see these moments of… recognition, I guess.

“We follow no queen or king.”

“Yes,” Galad said, “and that frightens monarchs. I grew up in the court of Andor. I know how my mother regarded the Children.”

And yet! Look where you ended up! Quoting Morgase’s own thoughts on leadership to the Children, whom she hated.

See, the problem with Galad in this chapter is that he’s neither being a deadly-graceful swordsman nor defiantly enduring torture, which means we’re back to plain old annoyance with him on my part.

“Darkfriends,” Harnesh muttered.

“My mother was no Darkfriend,” Galad said quietly.

Yeah, Harnesh? If you value your life, do not insult Morgase Trakand in front of Galad. He can and will end you.

“You speak like a Questioner,” Galad said. “Suspecting everyone who opposes us of being a Darkfriend. Many of them are influenced by the Shadow, but I doubt that it is conscious.”

Oh, not just them, Galad. As Egwene said, “I think we all are serving the interests of the Shadow, so long as we allow ourselves to remain divided.” Or, for another and more recent example: “I think he almost had me, Egwene.”

But Galad does know his audience here. The Questioners do provide a convenient scapegoat, and a way to sort of… point out all the problems with the Whitecloaks, but slantwise. Deflected just slightly so that they do not sound like accusations, but rather like a very pointed ‘we are better than them, right?’ A kind of oblique warning, and a reminder of all that they must no longer allow themselves to be. A way of criticising indirectly, and allowing them to maintain their pride and convictions and certainty.

Which is also interesting in contrast to Egwene’s approach with the Aes Sedai, of being incredibly direct in her criticism of both the rebels and the Tower Aes Sedai. It’s interesting, because both approaches work. Because these are two very different organisations and situations, despite their occasional parallels.

“We cannot become lapdogs to kings and queens. And yet, think of what we could achieve inside of a nation’s boundaries if we could act without needing an entire legion to intimidate that nation’s ruler.”

Whitecloaks: ‘we’re a paramilitary organisation answerable to no monarch or nation!’

Galad, son of a literal royal house: ‘sounds good’

Then again, I suppose you could say much the same of the Dragonsworn and the Band of the Red Hand (leaving aside the fact that Rand rules or has ruled at least four nations in fact if not always in name), and in terms of facing Tarmon Gai’don as unified forces of the Light, that’s fair enough. But that’s the sort of thing that tends to cause, er, problems domestically.

A group of travellers on the road! I wonder who this could possibly be!

Galad sighed. Nobody could deny Byar’s dedication – he’d ridden with Galad to face Valda when it could have meant the end of his career. And yet there was such a thing as being too zealous.

Let it not be said that Galad doesn’t have his work cut out for him. That much is for sure.

Though Galad calling anyone else too zealous is, of course, mildly entertaining.

“Peace,” Galad said, “you did no wrong, Child Byar.”

Depends on the timeframe…

There was talk of a gigantic stone from the sky having struck the earth far to the north in Andor, destroying an entire city and leaving a crater.

…Shadar Logoth? Not quite a meteorite, no, but I can see how someone might arrive at that explanation. Especially if all the forces at play there were enough to leave traces of stishovite or coesite.

The talk among the men revealed their worries. They should have understood that worry served no useful function. None could know the weaving of the Wheel.

In which Galad Damodred discovers the cure for anxiety. Seriously, Galad, that’s all well and good for you, and I personally see where you’re coming from, but not everyone is going to just logic away their fear; it doesn’t always work like that.

Yeah this sounds like Perrin’s group. Well this should be fun.

Wait a second.

Morgase is with Perrin.

Oh man.

The man in the cart gave a start upon seeing Galad. Ah, Galad thought, so he knows enough to recognise Morgase’s stepson.

The man in the cart is Basel Gill and definitely knows enough to recognise Morgase’s stepson given that he’s currently travelling with Morgase, yes.

Basel Gill also really, really needs to work on his poker face. Though I don’t think even Mat’s ability to tell a lie would get Perrin’s entire caravan past Galad without arousing some kind of suspicion.

So Galad’s giving him the airport security treatment, Gill is trying his best to lie like a rug, and there’s only one way this is going to end.

“Anything else I will sell, but the food I have promised by messenger to someone in Lugard.”

“I will pay more.”

“I made a promise, my good Lord,” the man said. “ could not break it, regardless of the price.”

“I see.”

I have to laugh here because yes, Gill is lying through is teeth and Galad knows it, but he’s also chosen the one lie that Galadedrid ‘do the right thing no matter the cost’ Damodred can’t actually directly challenge.

So instead he’s just going to separate the group and see if they all tell the same story.

“After all, what it seems like to me is that you are the camp followers of a large army. If that is the case, then I would very much like to know whose army it is, not to mention where it is.”

WOULDN’T YOU JUST.

It occurs to me that Perrin is the only one of the ta’veren boys – and, actually, the only one of the original Emond’s Field crew – who Galad hasn’t met.

And while it might be kind of funny if it were Mat’s army and he and Galad had a ‘….you?’ moment, given their last meeting, it’s all kinds of appropriate in terms of actual story and characters that Galad, new leader of the possibly-soon-to-be-reformed Whitecloaks, is the one meeting up with Perrin ‘Whitecloaks were my first kill’ Aybara.

Because Perrin is the one with the most… messy history with the Whitecloaks, and so it is fitting that if there really is to be a shift, and if they really are to move forwards, it would be by turning that, somehow, into alliance.

“We may have a situation here,” Bornhald said. His face was flushed with anger.

Uh oh.

Speaking of Perrin’s history with the Whitecloaks. Bornhald (mistakenly) thinks Perrin killed his father, Perrin (somewhat less mistakenly) thinks Bornhald let his home be ravaged by Trollocs and betrayed him when he had promised to help… you know, just a few disagreements between friends.

“Have you ever heard of a man called Perrin Goldeneyes?”

“No. Should I have?”

“Yes,” Bornhald said. “He killed my father.”

Prepare to die.

Well THIS should be fun!

Next (ToM ch 5) Previous (ToM ch 3)

[adozentothedawn]

10, 18, 21 and 42 from the character asks for Favaen, please!

I had a lot of fun with these, thank you! I still do these by the way if anyone else would like to give it a shot.^^

10. Do they have any markings, piercings or scars?

This actually took quite a while to compile because my first instinct was “yes, of course” and then I thought about what it would actuall be and that started a landslide. So beware, this will be an info dump of my religion headcanons again. 

So, her first marking is a small burn mark on her hip, which she recieved a little while into her time as a Magran acolyte. This mark is considered the first trial an acolyte has to pass and the burning must be endured without making a sound in order to pass. Favaen left shortly after recieving it (and barely passing).

The second is a small arrow tatoo between her shoulderblades on her back, which she recieved upon entering the church of Galawain. It’s given as a sign submission to your teacher, as you have to turn your back to them and stay still to recieve it, and also a sign that the hunt never ends, because the arrow can’t really be reached even though it exists. It must be hunted, but will never be caught.

With Ondra it is tradition to sacrifice a part of yourself to the ocean (or river in her case, since there was no ocean around). Since even Ondra can see that permanent maiming would be impractical, that sacrifice is usually hair. To commemorate that sacrifice nonetheless, initiates receive a shallow cut on the length the hair was cut off, in Favaen’s case about at the height of her ears.

The cult of Rymrgand is the only one in Aedyr that specifically does not have a permanent mark to impose on their members, as according to Rymrgand, nothing is permanent, therefore there are no markings to be made, as they would be pointless anyway. (Also, she only stayed to listen to the introductory speech and then immediatly left again, so even if they had one, she wouldn’t have.)

The mark of Abydon she carries are her ear piercings. The piercing of a self chosen spot is considered a reward and right of passage in the church of Abydon, as the piercing is a lot more delicate than weapons or tools and so is a show of growth. You make your own sign of success and you yourself are responsible for it. Something that is more personal that she has from her time there is her habit of braids. Her master encouraged to either cut her hair as short as possible or let it grow out properly so it can be tied up and out of the way. In that time she always braided the strands on the side of her face, which is a habit that stuck.

The mark of Eothas that she recieved last is a small tattoo of the dawnstars on her left chest. It is a sign of belonging, a prove that you always have somewhere to return to, no matter what happens in between. The tattoo lasts forever, and so does your place in the curch, wether you leave at some point or not.

18. Have any special keepsakes? 

She has a prayer bracelet of sunstones that was a gift from her adoptive mother when she officially joined the church of Eothas. She also still has those studs that she made as an acolyte of Abydon, though she rarely wears them anymore. Since then she’s made a few new ones, most with some kind of sun or star symbolysm, but those first ones still hold a special place in her heart.

21. Fave food(s) and drink(s): 

Teeeeeaaaaa, lots and lots of tea. Any kind really, black, fruit, red, herbal, doesn’t matter. As for food... Hm. I don’t know about favourite, but she likes stews. They’re practical, easy to make, taste good, and you can throw basically everything in there. There is no limit to what a stew can be.

42. What's the dumbest thing your character's done? 

Probably everything she does when faced with Rymrgand at any time. She is so pissed at the dude she basically loses all sense of self preservation, which she already doesn’t have much of. She definitely told Rymrgand she’d “usher a glorious sword to your FACE!” (that is an actual thing and it’s always funny) when meeting him in Deadfire. She also almost died when she provoked him in Beast of Winter. Having to backdown then hurt her a lot. Though not as much as this pointless death would have. 

Also as a side note, the Rymrgand quest in Twin Elms (which she did not because of him but just because it seemed like an actual problem for the people) caused her quite an existential crisis because she technically followed Rymrgand’s will. She didn’t like that at all, unfortunately she liked just letting the pale elves erase themselves even less.

Also also because I think it fits here, though the chapel at Caed Nua was obviously dedicated to Eothas, she had small places of worship of the other gods installed as well for people who wanted it. For every god, even Skaen, Magran and Woedica, though she did have an eye on those, except for Rymrgand. That guys’s not getting anything from her.

So in conclusion, she’s lucky that Rymrgand is as a lazy as he is or she would long be dead.

(Also the Wael shrine is just a room filled to the brim with boxes. She would also giggle like stupid if she ever actually did find Wael’s Cupboard. Which is also a thing and I love it!)

[burr-ell]

how robin became nightwing

between the efforts of booster gold behind the scenes and starfire returning to the timeline (and thus everything righting itself), the titans gradually lose their memories of everything that happened in "how long is forever"—just that starfire beat warp somehow, they don't remember all the details, just another routine battle.

and while everyone else ties up their loose ends, something’s missing for robin.

raven has now beaten trigon, destroying him permanently, and there's a strangely specific kind of relief that things didn't go a different way—what that way might be, she can’t quite pin down, but she’s relieved all the same. cyborg keeps his ear to the ground of ways to improve the power sources of his armor, determined to keep it as self-sufficient as possible—you never know when your power will run out at the worst possible time, he reasons, though he's strangely more adamant about it than even he thinks he should be. beast boy, for his part, pays a little more attention than the rest of them during hair growth product commercials.

robin, meanwhile, had recognized his new name from stories he heard when he was younger, though he naturally forgot its future significance. but as he grows older, he starts to notice some little things—his cape keeps getting snagged during fights, the bright colors are clashing a bit too much for his tastes now, he's becoming a bit more pigeonholed than he'd like. and now that bruce has started training someone else, the name "robin" feels more like a hindrance than it used to.

he's told starfire all of this, of course, and eventually admits it to the rest of the team, but he's not quite sure where he's going with it. it's just that he's not entirely satisfied with where he is, and something has to change eventually.

it's an unusually off-kilter training session with the true master that gets the ball rolling—she articulates how he's feeling in a way he hadn't pinned down. he's not just batman's sidekick or trainee anymore. he's a summation of everyone in his life, all of the people who have made him who he is, and more than that, he's his own person and his own man. part of growing up and maturing is shedding the past and embracing who you're becoming.

"who do you think you're becoming?" she asks.

robin mulls it over. "i'm...not sure," he admits, "but i don't think being 'robin' is part of it anymore."

chu-hui smiles. "that is your first step."

he can't let go of the winged creature motif entirely; he knows that much—he loves the freedom and joy of flight, and besides, he thinks wryly, it's less expensive to just repaint all his birdarangs than re-mold them entirely. but he's not sure there's anything he knows that fits.

at least, he slowly realizes, not anything on earth.

he wasn't just batman’s sidekick, even in the days when he worked with him. he'd connected with other heroes who'd fought beside him, respected him, even helped raise him. and there's a name he recognizes from the stories he heard as a boy, when he'd asked a friend of bruce's all about his off-world culture. (bruce had called it "pestering", but the answers robin got were always spoken with fond smiles, even as they seemed just as alien in his mouth as they did in robin's.) and there was a winged, bird-like and dragon-like deity in his stories that he always said reminded him of his new friend's sidekick—friendly, clever, and fierce, with perhaps a bit of a dark side.

the nightwing.

starfire's the only one who knows what he's coming up with—he couldn’t hide from her if he wanted to, and he almost never wants to. she's quite pleased; apparently tamaran had quite a friendly relationship with krypton and mourns its destruction to this day, so even though she wasn't there to see it first hand, she wholeheartedly embraces the new name. she's naturally there to help for his attempts at rebranding; after a playful fight that ensues while they're painting the new birdarangs, they both refuse to explain to anyone else the specifics of why there are splotches of blue all over them.

it's she who suggests some gold accents to his blue and black costume, and he agrees in an instant. he might have been trained by a dark knight, and he'll always respect it, but he's with his friends now—his family—in the light of day. "just not a cape," he says, and though she'll miss the times he'd playfully wrap her up in his cape to pull her close, she has to admit that it's a practical choice.

the suit looks lovely, in the end—a black bodysuit with blue gloves and boots, a blue bird insignia on the chest, gold lining along it that fans out into wings that wrap over his shoulders, and a gold utility belt. (some things are just iconic, he says, though starfire says playfully that he just didn't want to go to the trouble. he won't confirm or deny it.) the rest of the titans have an idea of what's going on; they don't know the specifics, but they don't ask either. cyborg figures he's just getting his identity crisis out of his system.

he shows up for training the next day in the new suit, wielding blue and gold birdarangs, his bo staff now able to split into eskrima sticks, and calling himself "nightwing". it throws the other three for a loop, but they're able to adjust quickly—and he's enveloped in a group hug that even raven participates in.

he'd been nervous up until he walked in, but he knows now that he's made the perfect choice.

[ofheroesandstories]

A Complete Study of Dragonborns and Their Abilities

Written by Tunere (1st Draft).

Introduction

The Dragon Crisis began in the year 4E 201, with the return of Alduin the World-Eater. Dragons rampaged over Skyrim, returned to life by their master. During the crisis, a Dragonborn reemerged to defeat Alduin and restore the peace to Nirn. Alduin was defeated in 4E 203, and two years following that defeat in 4E 206, another Dragonborn came into the world. The First Dragonborn, Miraak. Following this, two more were discovered, the children of the “Last” Dragonborn (that moniker seems null and void now, does it not?) Tamriel has been left to wonder what destruction, what capabilities these beings now have. These people, who are both mortal and dovah. What could they do if they turned against all of Nirn?

I took it upon myself to study the First and Last Dragonborn, as well as the Last Dragonborn’s children. While I do not believe any of them will turn against Nirn soon, I do believe the information I found to be a valuable resource. I have been studying the Dragonborn since 4E 201, and am confident that everything I display is fact, for better or for worse.

Basic Information

There are two states that a Dragonborn’s soul lies in. Awakened, and Unawakened. A dragonborn first becomes awakened when they absorb their first dragon soul, leading to their own dragon soul flaring to life. This grants them access to the thu’um and their knowledge of the dragon language. This also grants them slightly more control over the magick of the thu’um than they had in their unawakened state. 

An unawakened Dragonborn does not have natural access to the thu’um. If they studied it for decades much like the Greybeards, they could harness some of the magicka for it, however it would not be as strong as if they were awakened. The thu’um does “leak” from an unawakened dragonborn consistently, seen through when they raise their voice. This does not result exactly in a shout, but there is power behind their words. Usually its never more than enough to cause a slight shake in a room, but dragonborns with naturally strong souls have been capable of knocking people back. This begins when the dragonborn first hits puberty, and does not end until the dragonborn has become “awakened.” 

The dragon soul within a dragonborn did not belong to a once living dragon. The soul is entirely the dragonborn’s, a dovah born within a mortal’s body. The soul can be of any type, the dragon itself of any color, including black.

There has been debate for some time whether being dragonborn is a blessing, or a hereditary trait carried within one’s bloodline. The answer is that it is both. A person can be blessed by Akatosh, becoming Dragonborn, and can also carry the trait through their bloodline. However naturally born Dragonborns are a rare occurrence, as the dragon blood thins the farther it goes down the bloodline. This means that a dragonborn could have children, but only their grandchildren or their great grandchildren end up carrying the dragon blood and so forth. However, since dragons were gone from Tamriel for thousands of years, it was impossible to know if one’s bloodline carried the dragon blood or not. Unless of course, you were the Septims with the Amulet of Kings.

A bond can be formed between a Dovah and a Dragonborn, and this bond is often born out of mutual respect. This is often done through battle, after a Dragonborn has defeated a member of the Dovah, but spared its life at the end of the fight.

Physical Traits of a Dragonborn

As a dragonborn grows in power, i.e. as they absorb more dragon souls, their own appearance will start to become more draconic in nature. These changes come gradually, initially starting with the growth of scales. At first these scales are flimsy and don’t provide much protection, but after a few times of shedding and regrowing, they grow much harder and can function as armor. Other changes that begin happening with dragonborn’s are as follows:

Their eyes become more draconic, with slitted pupils and an unnatural glow in the dark quality to them. These are changes I have seen in both the First and Last dragonborn

Horns begin to sprout from their head, forming in their own patterns. These can range to two larger horns, or to multiple smaller horns. Again, see in the First and the Last.

Years after the process begins, and if the dragonborn continues to absorb dragon souls, they will develop their own set of wings. This process is extremely long, and extremely painful. This is the least recorded change within a Dragonborn, as there were few awakened dragonborns who lived to experience this particular change. None of the Dragonborn have reached this point yet, but Miraak claims to be close.

Eventually, according to the First Dragonborn, if a Dragonborn should absorb enough dragon souls, they will eventually make a full transformation into one of the Dovah, their body and soul finally matching one another.

Being Dragonborn naturally gives one more resistance to damage and blows that would normally kill a mortal man. While it will not always save them in the end, it does give them a much better chance of survival. Simply put, a dragonborn is as hard to kill as a dragon is, but it is not impossible.

Dragonborn’s, both awakened and unawakened, may be seen literally blowing smoke from their noses when angry.

The thu’um can actually cause physical damage to a Dragonborn’s body, especially when they are unprepared for it. This varies from Dragonborn to Dragonborn. For example, when an unpracticed, unprepared Dragonborn uses the full force of the Fus Ro Dah shout, they can often end up throwing themselves back as well as what they’re shouting at. If their body is not completely ready for the thu’um either, they can end up breaking ribs from the force of the shout itself. All shouts can end up causing these problems when they are first learned. A dragonborn being able to naturally learn the thu’um mostly applies to being able to learn the words, and that as a dragonborn absorbs more dragon souls, their body will become more resilient to the shouts effects. Though so long as their body remains mortal, a Dragonborn will still often suffer ill effects when shouting.

The thu’um seems to aggravate and trigger the effects of certain medical conditions. One of the Last Dragonborn’s children has dealt with Asthma from a young age, and reports that the thu’um can trigger severe asthma attacks when he uses it. I believe this is caused due to the force of the thu’um expelling all air from the lungs. Though I cannot be sure on the extent of its effects, due to the “health risks” of the subject limiting study. This has been occurring since the unawakened Dragonborn state, however, implying that the strength of the shout does not matter.

Mental Traits of a Dragonborn

While most people talk of the dragon soul, and the dragon blood, found within a dragonborn, people do not seem to bring up the more draconic personality traits found within them. Dragonborns are often naturally dominant people, and are often territorial over their “nests.” A Dragonborn can be much more aggressive in a fight, with higher tempers than most others. Other traits that may be seen within a Dragonborn are tendencies to hoard certain objects (gold, books, jewlery, etc). 

When it comes to family, Dragonborns may not notice if their own children are dragonborn due to subconsciously viewing their own children as their “hatchlings” and thus may not register that they are feeling another dragon’s soul. They are particularly protective of their own children as well.

The Dragon Form

The Dragon Form is the least recorded part of a dragonborn’s abilities. Mostly because with a lack of dragons, there have been a lack of awakened Dragonborns. I have only managed to gather a little data on this particular part of a Dragonborn’s abilities, and have aptly named it as I saw fit. First I should clear up, the Dragon Form is not the Dragonborn quite literally becoming a Dragon. No, the Dragon Form is more like an advanced version of the Dragon Aspect shout. In fact, the shout and the form may go hand in hand if Miraak’s knowledge is credible. Though he is one of few with information on this form. This form is something that is not meant to be accessed by a Dragonborn within the first year of awakening. According to the First, the Dragon Form appears once a Dragonborn has grown their first layer of scales.

It can, however, be accessed “early” should the Dragonborn be faced with certain death. A near death experience seems to cause enough trauma for the dragon soul to react as a defense mechanism, as with the Last Dragonborn. This state is not acquired by unawakened Dragonborns. 

The physical appearance of the Dragon Form is a mix of both corporeal and incorporeal. The eyes change to a more dragon-like state. They naturally grow the scales they would have, and the horns they would grow as they advance as a Dragonborn. The growth of these are almost immediate and, according to the First and the Last, extremely painful. Witnessing this transformation, it is extremely bloody as well. The Last Dragonborn had to spend three months in recovery after his Dragon Form first activated due to physical injuries left behind. This composes the corporeal part of the Dragon Form.  The incorporeal part of the transformation is seen in a spectral set of wings and tail. The wings are incapable of flight, but do seem to kick up wind and dust. The tail, despite its spectral state, can physically touch and be touched. Both the wings and tail leave marks behind after the Dragon Form disappears.

Mentally, the Dragonborn seems to lose touch with their mortal self. They switch solely to Dovahzul, and their speech becomes limited to what they know of the language. Someone fluent within it, such as the Last Dragonborn, can communicate fine within the Dragon Form. The Last Dragonborn, or his children, would be unable to communicate well within this form. The other issue seen within the Dragon Form, is the potential for the Dragonborn to go feral using the form. The Dragon Form itself is almost like a forced, sudden return to their more draconic nature. Using the form is a huge risk, especially for a Dragonborn who is not prepared to activate it. Part of this mental struggle is where the Dragon Aspect shout comes into play. The Dragon Aspect can bring a Dragonborn better control over this form. This may be from the dragonborn ancestor attached to the Dragon Aspect Shout.

Though I have not had much chance to study this form. As I manage, this draft will be adjusted. For now this is all the information I have managed to gather upon the Dragonborns. I fear my sanity around the Samuels Family and Miraak may be truly at risk.

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: In response to the Successors of Hope, Chapter 9 question; 1. I know why Emil (being abused) and Richter (being a Half-Elf) didn't value themselves too much at the start, but how come Marta doesn't see much value in her own life (like giving up her life for Luin, her freedom for Altimira and even expecting Emil would be relieved she died at the Ice Temple.)? 2. Do Emil, Marta and Richter start to like themselves and begin to give their own lives more value during the True Ending?

I’m not sure. It’s possible sexism is a thing that exists in the land of Aselia and that’s why Marta has a low opinion of herself or sees herself as a disposable pretty object whose only purpose is to be cute and fall in love. But I’m not sure if that’s right. We’re not given any canon information about why she feels or acts the way she does when it comes to her willingness to throw herself in harm’s way, whether it’s helpful or not. It could be cultural. Japan, unlike the USA has more emphasis on the community whereas the USA has more emphasis on the individual. In Japan, people have implicit trust that the community will care for each other. Because of this, it’s not uncommon to see young kids basically walking or taking public transit virtually wherever they want to run errands or meet up with friends all by themselves. In Japan, seeing a kid alone is basically just a thing that happens. (This is probably why Emil and Marta can stay at inns and move around as much as they do with no one questioning it. They’re nearly young adults and unlike in the USA where the immediate thoughts are “vandals/hooligans” and “runaways” in Japan, young people walking around alone is like... normal.) So it’s possible that this same community-mindedness is why Marta feels compelled to put herself in danger. “If I don’t give myself up like Emil said, then all of Luin will be destroyed. It’s better for the community if I turn myself in.” That, however, doesn’t feel quite right, either. Her dad dotes on her a lot, before what happens with the Vanguard so it’s possible that some of this is because she feels rejected by her dad and not fully embraced by Emil or other boys. Because of this, she may be fitting herself into a role she thinks the men in her life WANT her to fit into, and has little self-esteem because she bases her identity around the men she cares about. The only significant female in her life other than Alice who bullies her, was her mother. It’s possible Marta doesn’t know how to relate well to other girls before she starts off on her adventure as she doesn’t seem to have many friends of her own.  This is all purely speculation, though. Again, the game canon and the out-of-game materials don't give us much insight and I don’t know if Tales of the Rays addresses any of this. It could be all of this, it could be none of this, it could be some of this.  My personal theory is that Marta was very attached to her mother. Marta’s entire idea of womanhood is based on her mother. Marta grew up with a devoted and caring mother that was dedicated to making her happy and making Brute happy. When she died, Marta not only lost a person she cared about deeply, but she lost that “life template.” And because of her grief, she distanced herself from whatever friends she had at the time and was averse to making new ones possibly explaining why she didn’t recognize that our Emil isn’t the “real Emil” since she probably didn’t know the “real Emil.” Then, before she could really start putting her life back together, the worlds merge into one and suddenly the cultures of Tethe’alla and Sylvarant are clashing, so she has prejudice to worry about now. Then, when things finally start getting back to normal, helping her dad run the Vanguard when it was a charity, some redheaded dude swoops in and suddenly her dad is acting really weird. She still has no friends and most of her life between her mom’s death and now was spent either grieving or helping her dad. And now she’s losing her dad to his power-hungry madness. So she simultaneously has no friends or estranged friends, a dad that’s gone nuts, a charity she helped run turning into a militant group of bigots and to top it all off, she’s having the classic teenager identity crisis because she’s had basically no time to explore her own desires or interests. She doesn’t really know herself, she has no support group, she’s involved in things bigger than herself and feels trapped, her mom is gone and she feels lost in life. She can’t go to her mom. Her dad tries to keep her safe in her room and never lets her help and won’t listen to her attempts at persuasion. She doesn’t know how to relate to her old friends and she can’t make new ones because her dad is running the Vanguard and a lot of people hate the Vanguard (see: literally all of Luin except for Emil.) She has no one she can offer help to and she has no one to offer her the help she needs. So she simultaneously sees herself as unable to help others (useless) and unworthy of the help she needs (worthless.) This is what I think contributes to that self-sacrificing demeanor and why she gets so upset if you take her out of the main fighting party and have only monsters and Emil fighting.  In terms of who’s got more self-esteem by the end of the game, it’s kind of a wash. Richter doesn’t let anybody treat him badly, but he obviously doesn’t love himself because even without the prospect of getting Aster back, he’s fully on board to just stay behind in the Ginnungagap and burn for eternity to make up for his mistakes. He pinned a lot of his self-esteem on what Aster thought of him and you can see that a lot in the Onshuu no Richter manga. Emil has improved a lot over the course of the game, but, like Richter, he’s also resigned to staying behind to fix mistakes he didn’t really make because he knows Ratatosk needs him and he feels responsible for what happened to Aster and thus what happened to the world since that confrontation with Richter. Marta has also shown improvement, but like Richter, she pins a lot of what she thinks is right and a lot of her self-worth on whether Emil approves of her or not. Ratatosk is a weird case but he’s also basically around the same level. He ACTS like he thinks he’s hot shit, but he clearly understands that everyone likes the side of him (Emil) that he considers weak. Accepting Emil as part of himself at the end of the game is one of his biggest moments of growth. If we consider Emil and Ratatosk separate entities, this constitutes growth in recognizing that Emil is that kindness that Ratatosk has inside him and continues to have inside him, despite trying to quash it so he wouldn’t be hurt again. Accepting Emil represents him accepting both his weaknesses and his kindness as part of himself. Ratatosk is learning to love not just PART of himself but ALL of himself.  I think Richter maybe has a little more work to do, but a lot of that is going to be him recognizing that self-esteem and self-respect aren’t quite the same. Richter definitely respects himself. Aster taught him enough in that department for it to stick. But he definitely doesn't love himself or see value in himself independently of what Aster would think of him or what he can do to make up for the mistakes he knows he made. He sees his soul utility at the end of the game as being part of the temporary seal on the door and is surprised when Ratatosk says at the end of it all, Richter would be free to leave. Having someone consider his life being worth saving and his freedom being valuable is clearly still new for Richter. Emil, Marta, and Ratatosk are all headed in the right direction, but I think Emil and Marta would have a quicker growth into loving themselves for who they are if they had that journey of growth separately, but I can’t say that being loved by others isn't also very helpful to learn how to love yourself. What I think would be most healthy for Emil and Marta (and Richter and Ratatosk, but that’s kind of hard considering Ratatosk puts Emil out front for social things and Richter is stuck underground) would be for them all to be part of a broader social group. Honest to god? If I were their collective therapist? I would diagnose a boardgame night or book club for these guys. Set them all up with a hobby they can do with each other once a week or once a month or something. Let them figure out what their interests are. Let them make friends they aren’t interested in dating. Let that love they get out of friendship be that first little stepping stone. “Ah yes. These people keep inviting me to things. I feel like I’m a garbage person/terrible human/worthless waste of space who’s only value is I helped the world a little bit/I made up for my mistakes/I make someone happy because I am romantically accessible. Now I see that beyond that I am actually a likeable person. People wouldn’t keep inviting me to meetings if they hated me, right?” Once they get to that level of self-love and self-esteem? The rest is fake it until you make it. Emil’s confidence issues? He just has to act confident until he believes in himself. Marta’s feeling like she can’t help or contribute? She just needs to keep helping out in small ways until she recognizes her own impact on the world. Richter’s self-flagellation over basically destroying the world? He just has to pretend to be a good person for a bit, pretend he’s worthy of other people’s genuine affection. Eventually, he’ll start seeing the good he can do for the world and that his existence isn’t just a worthless farce standing as a testament to the loss of a “more valuable life.” For real. Get these poor kids some productive hobbies and a friend-group that isn’t trying to get in their pants and you have a pretty good recipe for getting them to actually see value in themselves. Value that’s more than just “what they can do for others.” Therapy would also work but... I have not seen a therapist in all of Aselia so... clearly they need to discover that profession. XD I’m gonna @aerypear on this one to see if I need to put on the “Bad Therapist” T-shirt again. Sometimes my psychoanalysis is pretty good and sometimes I am a garbage monster. XD

[seraphicwiing]

Video Analysis #5- CRISIS CORE (The Truth/’You Will Rot’) 

Alright folks, the wait is over. As promised, I finally have written up my analysis of this very pivotal point in Sephiroth’s tragic timeline. After all of the posts I have made leading up to this, we have learnt of his compassion, his friendship, his loyalty and his martial prowess. Tonight, we’re going to delve into the start of his madness. Buckle your seatbelts peeps and grab some popcorn, this is gonna be a long one. The clip is 3 minutes long, hopefully the analysis I write doesn’t ramble on for too long. Sit back, relax and enjoy the read! (Also testing out a new format for these types of posts with more structured topics and headings <3)

Context

Before we talk about the scene linked below, we must first talk about the events leading up to Genesis’ being an utter douchebag to his little brother and pulling him further into the madness that would lead to his downfall. Sephiroth and Zack arrive at the Nibelheim reactor and quickly discover that not all is as it seems. The pods containing experiments from past JENOVA projects are revealed to the two SOLDIERS and it begins to make Sephiroth question his entire existence. He had been deprived of the truth his whole life, and even now at the cusp of it all his mind is breaking because he can’t tell what is right and what is wrong anymore. Even with Zack trying to help him, the information thrusted at him is all too much for him to bare. 

ShinRa had no idea how fragile Sephiroth’s mental state actually was, nor did they consider the fact that maybe sending Sephiroth to Nibelheim may not be such a good idea considering what was hidden there. But that’s a story for another time, let’s get this started!

‘Am I... A human being?’

Here we begin to see the slow breaking of the once proud hero. The way he says those words, the tone of which he conveys his shock and utter sadness at the fact that the life given to him is most likely nothing more than a fruitless lie. This is such a stark contrast to the Sephiroth we all knew and loved when speaking to his friends in past analysis videos. It hurts a lot more for me since I absolutely adore this character and just hearing him slowly lose his mind really hits me in the gut. After this we see Genesis confirm albeit in the most cruel, heartless and condescending way possible that Sephiroth was an experiment and while Sephiroth really didn’t need to believe a word Genesis said, his psyche had already been broken. All this information being thrown at him is such a huge tidal wave of emotion, it’s no wonder Sephiroth felt overwhelmed. 

(“No such luck. You are a monster.” Okay small tangent for a second: Genesis in this scene is doing himself no favours at all. He wants Sephiroth’s help so that he can live right? Why tell him that he’s a monster and droll on and on about how his life was a lie and that his mother wasn’t actually a real human being but an otherworldly cosmic entity AKA a Monster? AND THEN PROCEED TO ASK HIM FOR HELP THINKING THAT HE’LL JUST WILLINGLY ACCEPT? As I told a good friend of mine: Genesis is such an idiot. I AM SORRY GENESIS RPERS OKAY, I LOVE HIS CHARACTER BUT THE WAY HE ACTS IN THIS SCENE IS SO FUCKING DUMB)

Genesis calls Sephiroth the ‘Greatest Monster Created by the Jenova Project’. And this is 100% truth, we’ve all seen just how strong he is, how special Sephiroth is. This is Genesis trying to turn him onto his side by appealing to the monster and detaching him from his human self. But this was a completely wrong way to do it, especially with a fragile mind like Sephiroth’s. He wanted to be human but he knew he somehow wasn’t in a way, he was always detached. And while he always opened up to people in a manner of which was incredibly kind hearted, he always felt like his brith wasn’t normal. Now finding out the truth, he DOES NOT want to be a monster, he DOES NOT want to be considered compartively to the beasts that were in the pods and with Genesis’ continual insistence that Sephiroth is nothing more than a monster, the small rope that was keeping his mind in check was slowly breaking under the large weight of the truth. 

‘Poor little Sephiroth. You’ve never actually met your mother.” 

Here is where things get super bad for our soon to be psychopath. Genesis throws out all of his cards onto the field, revealing the truth about Sephiroth’s existence and also revealing the truth about his mother: JENOVA. Genesis was right, Sephiroth had no idea who his mother was other than the supposed truths that ShinRa told him. I like to believe that when Sephiroth was growing up, they gave him a forged picture of what his mother looked like AKA JENOVA and from that day onwards, Sephiroth has always conjured that image in his head, that same picture is on his desk back at Shinra HQ and he cherishes it. It makes it hurt so much more watching the scene with this in mind as Genesis further digs into Sephiroth’s heart by mentioning that she was nothing more than a monster and whatever he clung onto was a giant fat lie. 

Notice how Sephiroth turns away from Genesis, the natural smile is gone. His stance, his posture has gone. He’s almost lurching forward, his confident strides naught but small steps forward. His eyes are wide and close at times, he is trying so hard to process everything but it’s all coming too fast for him to handle This form of coercion employed by Genesis may have worked on Angeal but Sephiroth? Hell no. It’s also quite amusing that Genesis knocks Sephiroth out of his confused state by calling him by his full title. SOLDIER: 1ST CLASS, SEPHIROTH. He says it similarly to how a general would do a roll call of his cadets before training, and this is literally conveying Genesis’ belief that he is in full control of Sephiroth, he holds the cards, he holds the power over his little brother this time. He believes that Sephiroth will give him what he wants. Little did he know how wrong he would be however. 

‘What do you want of me?’ 

Genesis’ motivations are finally made clear and we learn what makes Sephiroth so special when it comes to the JENOVA Project. We finally learn of the project where Angeal and Genesis originated from as well as the the one where Sephiroth was from. I’ll let Genesis say why in the video becaue he’ll explain it better than I can, I’ll end up butchering it if I tried. Basically what he wants is Sephiroth to share his cells so that he can stop his degradation. He’s slowly dying a painful death and Sephiroth can stop that because his cells have been perfected. Sephiroth has remained quiet this entire time, pondering the truth while Genesis flaps his gums about being saved, he has already made the decision in his head of what he wants to do. 

‘The Truth I have sought all my life. You will R O T.’ 

And here we finally reach the end. Sephiroth with no remorde left in his heart, his mind deadset on now learning the truth of his birth, denies and what I believe he also does is disown Genesis as a friend and brother. All the memories they shared, all the times they recited and enacted ‘Loveless’ together with Angeal, all of that is now dust in the wind. His expression, the deadpan stare that he gives Genesis is a lot more similar to the evil Sephiroth scowl we all know and love. The way in which he speaks, gone is the relatively light hearted, dry humoured tone of the hero that everyone looked up too when trying to become a soldier. No, he speaks with rage and grief in his tongue. He is legitimately torn asunder after the revalation. Whether it be lie or truth that came from Genesis, he’s done with his brother. Their friendhip is over. And at last, he delivers probably the most scathing, delicious and satisfying burns in Final Fantasy. Not only does he reject Genesis, he literally tells him to ROT. To DECAY! He tells Genesis in the most fitting way to just ‘GO DIE’. ‘THEN PERISH’. It’s one of my favourite insults in Final Fantasy ever. It’s nice to see the sarcastic wit hadn’t died with Sephiroth’s kind hearted nature. 

The scene ends with Sephiroth heading to ShinRa Manor to find further information of his existence while Genesis is left at the reactor. The closing words being: ‘ I see, perfect monter indeed...’. Genesis was actually surprised when Sephiroth denied him, it was quite a priceless reaction if I do say so myself.

I guess this is a fitting way to conclude with a very salty Genesis and a very angy Sephiroth. I want to thank you all for sticking with it this far I know this was a lot longer than normal but there was so much information to digest. I hope I didn’t waffle or state anything that was super obvious from the clip. This’ll probably be the last one for a while as this definitely took a lot of steam out of me. But yes, I’m glad so many of you enjoy this, if you have any scene requests that you'd want to see me have a shot at IM me <3

[elevenspond]

it’s absolutely staggering how many people insist amy pond and clara oswald are nothing more than idealized caricatures while in the same breath claim rose tyler and donna noble are the most relatable companions in doctor who. if you ask me, amy and clara are two of the most realistic female characters i’ve ever seen in fiction.

let’s start with amy. in season 5, one of the central difficulties she has to overcome is her fear of commitment to rory and her initial reluctance to get married. a fear of commitment in fiction is usually portrayed in male characters despite it being common in reality across all genders, and it doesn’t come from a lack of love for the other person. amy experiences a fear of devoting herself fully to someone after all of the abandonment she suffered throughout her childhood (parents that were mysteriously never around, the doctor leaving her waiting, etc). but she overcomes this fear after being confronted directly with the loss of rory and finishes the season happily wedded to him. she faces realistic, internal challenges in her life and conquers them over the course of her own character arc. amy does this again in season 6, when she has to face the fact that the doctor is not the fairytale hero she’s seen him as ever since she was a child; that he won’t always be able to save her, and that he is as imperfect and vain as anyone else. and although it’s heartbreaking, amy accepts this about him and moves on from her own idolization of him. this arc of her character represents the moment we all experience when we stop seeing the world through the eyes of our childhood selves and realize its imperfections, as well as the moment when we learn to accept those imperfections for what they are. after this, in season 7, amy is ready to move on from a life of adventuring with the doctor to a life of normalcy with her husband. an ordinary lifestyle may not seem appealing to many of us, but to most people on this earth, it’s all we will ever have, and amy’s development into someone who can leave behind her childhood fairytale in order to live out normal days with the person she loves--- it’s so applicable to real life, and quite frankly, so inspirational.

now, on to clara, whose arcs are a bit in the reverse order of amy’s. when we first meet clara oswald in season 7, she’s an ordinary young woman who is swept away into adventures across time and space with the doctor. she’s witty, clever, bossy, confident, and wholly unique as an individual, and despite all of that, so much of clara remains ordinary. in season 8, she works as a school teacher, one of the most mundane (yet extremely important) jobs in the world, and she falls in love with a fellow teacher. she balances a life of traveling with the doctor with an exceedingly ordinary life. “normal is overrated” she says, but the fact remains that she’s still an ordinary woman even while being so clever and brilliant, and her arc in season 8 is about clara accepting that she can do ordinary things while still being extraordinary, which is honestly so inspirational.  then comes season 9, and therein lies the tragedy of her character. clara has suffered a personal loss of incredible magnitude in danny pink’s death, severing the strongest tie to her ordinary life, and in attempting to move on from her grief, she throws herself fully into her travels with the doctor. she becomes more reckless, more unafraid, more confident in her own dangerous choices and actions. it’s such a realistic way of dealing with, or in this case, suppressing immeasurable grief. not everyone reacts to loss this way, but many do, and for many, the reckless lifestyle they embrace in order to forget the pain is more destructive than the pain itself. and this is exactly what happens with clara. she continuously takes risks throughout season 9, always confident in her own ability to calculate the odds and pull through, until her overconfidence leads her to a risk that proves fatal. clara oswald is killed by the self-destructive way she dealt with her own grief. this is unbelievably realistic and tragic. it’s also something that, like amy’s fear of commitment, is an arc that’s usually only written for male characters. although the doctor manages to bring her back with a time stream loophole, her fate is sealed, and she’s forever destined to die in that moment of time. so she goes off into the universe in her own tardis, traveling through time and space, always running from her own fate, from her grief, from everything that will ever hurt, plunging herself into the ultimate distraction from all things ordinary, just like the doctor does. it’s a bittersweet ending for her arc, and it echoes something that is very real in a lot of people’s lives.

tldr: amy is relatable in the childlike wonder she retains and the way it’s consistently challenged; in the fear she feels toward devoting herself to others that is rooted in issues of abandonment; clara is relatable in the absolute normalcy of her life outside of the doctor; in the overwhelming grief she experiences over a loss and how she avoids that grief. they aren’t mere idealized caricatures. they are flawed, and they face distinct challenges in their own personal outlooks with arcs that give them proper resolutions, whether happy or sad, to these challenges.

now, let’s look at rose tyler and donna noble, the two companions people most often relate to.

rose is a completely regular teenage girl. her school grades were consistently average, she has no particular talents to speak of, she works in a shop, she has no future prospects for a better job or higher education, and nothing special has ever happened in her entire life. rose is the absolute peak of ordinary, which is why so many people relate to her. we could all easily fit ourselves into her shoes. i also like eating chips and am bored 24/7. but then the doctor whisks her away, and her life begins to revolve solely around him. this is where the relatability nose dives for me. we’re all searching for the escape that will let us ignore how boring or awful the world around us is for a little while, whether that’s music, books, a new fandom, anything at all. traveling with the doctor is rose’s permanent escape from her world. the thing is, this is never portrayed as anything but a good thing. the doctor is rose’s whole new life. she occasionally visits home, but it’s only a visit, nothing to indicate that life on earth is something she’ll ever want to dabble in again. she’s been completely liberated from all the troubles she once faced. i can’t relate to this at all, because there will never be anything that will whisk me away from needing a job, needing money, or needing an education. what rose experiences is a full blown pipe dream. yes, it’s fun to watch, and think about, and wish for, but it isn’t exactly relatable. rose is never portrayed as a character who is avoiding the challenges of regular life--- she’s just having a great time. even when she’s trapped in a parallel world, she doesn’t have to return to the mundane life she once knew. she works with torchwood and continues on in that same vein of alien threats, time and space, alternate dimensions, etc., where her brand new true potential thrives. she gets to focus on reuniting with the doctor, and the only challenge she faces is the actual act of crossing worlds, not any kind of personal challenge. one might say she has to deal with the difficulty of living on with a meta crisis clone of the doctor instead of the real doctor, but that’s a different rant. rose simply never had an overarching character development in which she could confront her own personal flaws, which is something that made amy and clara so relatable. she simply had a great time with a handsome doctor she fell in love with, and then circumstance pulled them apart.

now, for donna. i do love donna. i love the friendship she has with the doctor, but the foundation of her character is very similar to rose’s. donna is an incredibly average woman who has worked a series of temporary jobs, never feeling important, but always wanting more. it’s another character template we can all easily fit ourselves into. donna does have an arc where she confronts her own lack of self worth over the course of season 4, an arc that is met with her being told that she is the most important woman in all of creation. every companion has a title associated with them: amy is the girl who waited, clara is the impossible girl, martha is the woman who walked the earth, and donna noble is the most important woman in the universe. donna’s struggle with self worth is met with the fact that she is the most important woman in creation because she's the woman who saves all of reality from davros and the daleks, however this is where this arc still loses all trace of relatability for me. donna doesn’t become the most important woman in all of creation in light of her own ordinary qualities--- she only becomes this by becoming part time lord and, in her own words, by gaining “the mind” of the doctor. donna as herself already had great potential, but her arc of dealing with her own self worth is resolved by giving her the attributes of someone else, and only by happenstance. it’s played off as destiny or fate, but all she had to do was touch the hand and the meta crisis happened on its own. and yes, the narrative insists that it’s donna’s human traits that make her even more intelligent than the doctor when she’s part time lord, but the fact still remains that she required part of him to reach that potential at all. like rose being liberated entirely from her own boring life, this just isn’t realistic, and therefore isn’t relatable.

donna and rose are both people who need the doctor in their lives, and without him, they feel either worthless or as if their life has no meaning. contrarily, amy and clara develop themselves as characters who are able to exist separately from the doctor, who have their own personal conflicts apart from him and who forge lives outside of him. amy and clara are both involved in the overall stories that are led by the doctor, but they also both have internal struggles that are independent of him and are resolved as part of their own development, sometimes with his help but never because of him.

maybe someone out there reading this disagrees with me. but this is my observation after seeing so many people claim that amy pond and clara oswald are worse, less likable, and less relatable than rose tyler and donna noble.

(and if anyone is wondering why i didn’t talk about martha or bill, it’s because i don’t see anyone calling them either relatable or unrelatable. in fact i don’t see people really talk about them at all, which is an entire problem in and of itself, and is why i didn’t include that problem in this rant)

[thedcdunce]

Red Devil

“What? What kind of Titans are you guys? We don’t let anyone kill anyone!” - Red Devil

Real Name: Edward “Eddie” Allan Bloomberg

Aliases:

Kid Devil

Gopher

Gender: Male

Height: 5′ 8″

Weight: 165 lbs (75 kg)

Eyes: Yellow

Hair: Grey

Skin: Red

Powers:

Unique Physiology

Abilities:

Hand-to-Hand Combat (Basic)

Weaponry

Mechanical Engineering/Gadgetry

Weaknesses:

Monstrous Appearance

Equipment:

Devil Power Suit

Rocket Trident

Universe: 

Earth-One

New Earth

Base of Operations: Titans Tower III, San Francisco, California

Citizenship: American

Origin: Trained by her mother and grandmother.

Parents:

Robert Bloomberg; father

Sylvia Bloomberg; mother

Marital Status: Single

Occupation: Adventurer

First Appearance: Firestorm Vol 2 #24 (June, 1984)

Appearance of Death: Teen Titans Vol 3 #74 (October, 2009)

Powers

Unique Physiology: Eddie's blood is now a thick gasoline-smelling liquid, his breath is hotter than fire, he possesses a prehensile tail, and his internal temperature is six hundred degrees. When Dr. Niles Caulder, leader of the Doom Patrol, tended Kid Devil's injury, he revealed that the young hero isn't a demon despite that his powers were granted by the demon lord Neron. Rather, Neron activated Eddie's metahuman gene which gave him his powers.

Fire Breathing: His new form gives him a capacity to breathe fire.

Superhuman Strength

Enhanced Agility

Enhanced Endurance

Enhanced Durability

Enhanced Healing

Burning Skin: His own skin is able to cause burns and he has been seen to be able to increase this to the point of his skin turning white hot. At high levels this ability can easily melt metal of considerable durability.

Retractable Wings: He has retractable wings underneath his arms.

Infernal Teleportation: By focusing on where he wants to be he can use his tail to open an infernal portal to teleport to the target location.

Abilities

Hand-to-Hand Combat (Basic)

Weaponry

Mechanical Engineering/Gadgetry

Weaknesses

Monstrous Appearance

Equipment

Devil Power Suit: Eddie wore a Devil suit, which gave him enhanced strength and agility, near impenetrable armor, a weapons system that included bright light burst effect, exploding bubbles, night vision and mini-gills.

Rocket Trident: He also had a rocket trident which could propel him through the air for distances of up to several miles and could emit flames and/or electric shocks.

Origin

Eddie Bloomberg had the good fortune of being a gopher in his Aunt Marla Bloom's film company. He met the Blue Devil on a film set, and became quite a fan of the hero, dreaming about one day becoming Blue Devil's sidekick.

Bloomberg snuck into Blue Devil's workshop at night and, using his prodigious knowledge of electronics, created a battle suit incorporating the designs of the Blue Devil suit. Even though Blue Devil didn't want a sidekick, Bloomberg was determined to make a go at being a hero. As Kid Devil he assisted his hero in foiling an airplane hijacking, and later helped defeat one of his enemies, the Vanquisher. After these adventures, his parents left Bloomberg's education and supervision to professors at the Institute of Hypernormal Conflict Studies.

After Blue Devil's deal with the demon Neron resulted in Bloomberg's Aunt Marla dying in a helicopter crash, Bloomberg attempted to live up to her name and succeed in the movie business. His attempts failed, however, and Bloomberg continued to have adventures as Kid Devil, even helping Young Justice's assault on Zandia.

Teen Titans

After Infinite Crisis, Bloomberg tried to join the Teen Titans with little success. Pulsar helped Bloomberg into a project Lex Luthor had been using to give normal humans superpowers. However, Bloomberg failed because of "psychological problems." One evening, Bloomberg was visited by a cloaked figure who gave him a candle. Bloomberg's then-friend Zachary Zatara told him that the candle had some magical properties. Bloomberg decided to light it, and the two were taken to Neron. Neron made a deal with Bloomberg, transforming him into a new Kid Devil. Neron's magic gave Bloomberg a new, demonic appearance and inherent superpowers. As part of the deal, Bloomberg wouldn't lose his soul to Neron if he could still trust Blue Devil by his 20th birthday. Before Bloomberg left, Neron told him that it was Blue Devil's fault his Aunt Marla died. Zatara helped Bloomberg join the Teen Titans, they battled Kid Crusader and Zatara promised to keep his secret.

One Year Later

One Year Later, a rift had formed between Bloomberg and Zatara. Though Bloomberg was still friendly with Zatara, the boy magician wanted nothing to do with Bloomberg or any of the other Titans. Bloomberg also forged a bond with Rose Wilson, as both new members felt like third string Titans. For many months, Bloomberg told the Titans of multiple daily phone calls to Blue Devil as his way of confirming that "everything is fine".

On a Titans mission, Bloomberg was disemboweled by Plasmus and the EMTs were unable to help him. The new Doom Patrol arrived and took Kid Devil to their HQ for treatment, where the Chief healed Bloomberg , while also attempting to manipulate him into joining the Doom Patrol. During the operation, the Chief revealed to Elasti-Girl that Kid Devil isn't truly a demon by nature, but rather his powers are the result of metahuman gene manipulation. Robin confronted Bloomberg about his relationship with the Blue Devil, who claimed not to have heard from Bloomberg for two years. Bloomberg confessed he was only pretending, in order to better fit in with the Titans. The Chief's manipulation was stopped by both the Titans and the other members of the Doom Patrol, which made Bloomberg feel as if he was finally accepted as a Titan since they stood up for him. He also tried rekindling his bond with Blue Devil, but Cassidy did not show up to a meeting Bloomberg invited him to. Later, Eddie Bloomberg found and confronted Blue Devil. Cassidy admitted lying to Bloomberg about his aunt's death. As part of a deal for gaining fame and fortune, Cassidy was tasked by Neron to destroy an unmanned power plant. Despite his various precautions, a resulting power surge accidentally killed Bloom, who was scouting the nearby area for a film. Bloomberg stormed off before Cassidy could explain further, telling Blue Devil to stay far away from him. Now having lost his trust in Blue Devil, Bloomberg knew that he would lose his soul to Neron. Still, Bloomberg decided to make the best of his remaining years by having a good time with his friends. He comforted himself by saying at least he had Bloom's memory and Neron couldn't take that away from him. However, it is revealed that Neron is holding Bloom's soul captive.

Kid Devil was attacked by Kid Crusader who vowed to "save" him from Neron by turning Eddie back into a human and then killing him. Kid Crusader appeared to have succeed on the first step, when he exorcised the demon from Bloomberg and returned him to his human form, but the demon was then bound to Kid Crusader himself. When given the choice later to either return to his demonic form or stay human, Bloomberg chose his demonic form, not wishing to damn anyone else to his fate as Neron's protege.

Titans Tomorrow

Possible-future versions of the current Titans team arrived in the present to aid the Teen Titans against Starro-controlled villains. Kid Devil is shown as part of the team, now known as Red Devil. He claimed that even though the loss of his soul to Neron at 20 was bad, the power he received far outweighed the consequences. Bloomberg initially watched as Ravager battled alone against Rampage & Livewire, before betraying his older self in order to aid Ravager. Later, Ravager, Red Devil and Kid Devil returned to the Titan's Lair, where they meet with Blue Beetle. There Bloomberg learned that he is supposedly destined to murder the Blue Beetle at some point in the future.

Shortly after, Eddie, Rose and Jaime find themselves surrounded by an Army of Titans led by Lex Luthor, before they all battle against an invading army of Starros. Thanks in large part to Blue Beetle's powers and Robin and Wonder Girl managing to supposedly alter Robin's future, the Army of Titans is supposedly defeated. However, prior to his vanishing, Red Devil warns Eddie against trusting Ravager and Blue Beetle.

Terror Titans

A Group of supervillains under the leadership of the new Clock King began a systematic assault on the Titans. With Wonder Girl, Blue Beetle, Ravager and Robin away, Miss Martian still reeling from the battle with her future counter-part, Eddie decides to throw a party in Titans Tower and invites several titans fans. The party quickly gets out of hand when the guests trash the place, go through personal items and prank calls Batman. Lectured by all members of the team, Eddie goes into town with one of the guests, who reveals himself to be Dreadbolt, son of Bolt. A fight ensues and the arrival of the rest of the Terror Titans puts a quick end to the battle. Kid Devil is next shown chained to a wall and severely injured and held captive by the Clock King who continues to torture Eddie by telling him that Rose Wilson couldn't care less about his status. Clock King then encourages Eddie to accept his place as a monster. Whe Miss Martian is captured by the villains, she is placed into a room with Eddie, who has become savage and bestial as a result of his beatings. After a brief battle, Eddie and M'Gann are placed in a cell, and Eddie is later brought out to face Hardrock to the death.

Later Eddie was finally freed and helped his friends combat against the Terror Titans. Since then he has become more comfortable on the team has begun to develop a good relationship with Blue Beetle and even changed his name to Red Devil.

Fun Facts

Early in his career as Kid Devil, Eddie became pen pals with Jason Todd when Jason also had only recently started his superhero career as Robin. 

[murphystartedthefire]

“oh nooo!” it’s the 5x13 Murphy/Memori meta

So the first thing I wanna get out of the way is this is more about Murphy in that little exchange than Emori, and mainly that’s because... tbh this moment didn’t exactly do justice to her in the way a lot of the rest of the season did. I’ll be the first one to complain that as gorgeous and vindicating as this was for the shipper in me, it didn’t actually resolve the problem that the rest of this breakup storyline has been about at all. They still seem to need a crisis to be their best OTP selves, and whether they’re gonna try again to translate that into a peacetime relationship is... unclear.

That said, I don’t see this I Love You, Dumbass moment as unearned at all. To me there’s no mystery of how Emori got to this point, because she’s been there all along -- we know that she loves him, we know that she wants him to live, she already refused to leave him in danger a full 8 episodes ago even while they were fighting. And I previously wrote about how I took this as partly her trying to Motivate Him to fight and survive, ‘cause they both know he’d do that for her as much as for himself or even more.

My issue is more what comes AFTER this - are we supposed to think things are still rocky between them and will be addressed again next season, or that they’re just a couple again now? I’ve seen fans take it both ways! But if it’s the latter, I’m left feeling a tad let down by the payoff of all that angst, like their conversations in 5x06 and 5x08 never actually went anywhere and nothing really changed on *her* end of the hurt-feelings.

(Personally I would’ve loved to get a post-surgery or pre-cryo moment, even a brief and snarky one where he was like “soooo the Man You Love, huh?” and she was like siiigh, we’ll talk about this in the morning 10 years from now. Something to indicate they still had stuff to work through! If not only for me, then for the several people I know who said their ability to root for Memori was genuinely damaged by this season. I would love for there to be a reason why it was handled that way and touched on Very Legitimate issues if they were gonna land right back where they were before the time jump. But as usual I can’t expect a ton from this show and might just need fanfic to fix that. *g*)

SO ANYWAY, that’s my little complainy disclaimer but what I REALLY wanna talk about is this:

There is so much emotion going on here, MY HEART.

First of all, every time he’s pulled the self-sacrifice thing this season there’s been a sort of resignation to it, and nobody’s really *stopped* him or anything. Emori already did stay behind with him once and he was pretty shocked, but even then it was not like this; it wasn’t about his *certain* death, it was just another adventure in the woods and caves, their thing. This is the first time he is really and truly doomed and knows it.

I remember Richard saying in an interview recently that Murphy almost doesn’t *believe* he can die at this point, he’s made it out of so many close calls that he's not even really afraid in situations when he should be. But here? He’s never gotten shot before. He knows the bombs are coming in 9 minutes. He’s a terrible runner when he’s NOT bleeding to death. He’s definitely got an awareness of his mortality right then, the reality that death was coming very soon for..... maybe the first time since he ran out of food in the lighthouse? Or losing oxygen in the last finale (hey remember when: Emori kept wanting him to be the last thing she saw as she died, while he had to tear his eyes away the second she passed out because he couldn’t handle it).

Anyway what was I saying? OH YEAH HE WAS MORE CONVINCED IT WAS FINALLY OVER FOR HIM THAN FANDOM WAS.

And as soon as he knows he is doomed, he absolutely knows that they are going to leave him behind. Why wouldn’t they? He hears Niylah say it. They need to go survive, and he’s pushed them away a whole lot on top of it, and this is the part where his worst and most inevitable fear happens and he Dies Alone.

And then Emori tells him there’s no way in hell that’s going to happen. She of all people - someone he was fairly convinced hated him for a while, who told him in their last serious conversation that he was gonna fall apart on her, Emori his true love and simultaneously the gaping void of all his hopes of being a better person than he is - is determined to either will him to do the impossible or die romantically alongside him.

(x) (Look it’s the same gif again but prettier)

And part of him *wants* that so badly. It is an overwhelming reassurance to him that Emori loves him. She won’t accept this terrifying fucking thing happening to him. I saw one person compare his tearful forced-smile to this scene when Bellamy apologized to him, which I wouldn’t read too much into except Murphy does that when he knows the tears are coming and desperately doesn’t want to cry. 

He’s wanted Emori to be his again for months, in fact he wanted it *even longer* than that while their relationship was disintegrating and she no longer needed him to survive. And now she’s telling him that she does need him like that, and that she loves him more than her own life and it’s at the worst possible time. A time when he knows he HAS to let her go, because the one thing he wants even less than dying alone is to have her die trying to save him. To kill her the way he killed his father. “I’m not gonna do that to you,” he says. Ffff punch me in the face, it would hurt less.

OH HEY DID YOU THINK I WAS DONE BECAUSE THEN HE LOOKS AT FREAKING *MONTY*.

Monty “You don’t like to be called useless, do you, Murphy?” Green, Monty “secret badass” Green, Monty who when their positions were reversed six years ago was *grateful* that Murphy carried the machine first and came back for him later, THIS SAMWISE GAMGEE MOTHERFUCKER WANTS TO PUT HIS LIFE ON THE LINE FOR HIM TOO. The *disbelief* of it, how much he wants and doesn’t want this from them at the same time, and then he throws like a full pain tantrum while it’s happening.

Murphy had a family who loved him once, until he didn’t anymore, and he has spent every year of his life since then wanting it back and not trusting or knowing what to do with it when he has it.

And this is the one thing I wish was textual, as much as I’m happy to fanwank it - I just wanted one line where he tells Emori some version of “I fucked it up, the life-is-more-than-survival thing, I wasn’t good for you, you were better off without me, you were right that this is all I know how to do.” Like, a genuine apology and less manipulative version of that now that I typed it out. XD I dunno, it would be SO EASY to fit this scene more satisfyingly into what his actual arc this season was and I’m frustrated that it didn’t quite go there.

But the bones of it are there -- Murphy wants to die here, on the ground, and let Emori and Monty and the rest of spacekru go back to space where they were happy and he couldn’t keep his shit together. But Emori, and Monty, and even Bellamy stubbornly refusing to give up as the clock runs out back at the ship are like “hell no" to that. They will carry him screaming on their backs (ok, one of them more literally than the others) if they have to, to make him believe that he is worth something to them, that he might still get a happily-ever-after even if it’s hard.

[kaylinwrites]

Life of Pi, The Martian, and Man vs. Nature

[Started January 2019]

By: Somebody who firmly agrees that chemistry is a sloppy b****, and got irrationally upset when Richard Parker didn’t say goodbye. What an animal.

I’ve been out of the loop on here for a while, and I’ve got oversharing-syndrome, so I originally started this essay with a very long explanation of how reading on my phone made me suddenly into reading again. But then I was like, what, is Audible sponsoring me or something? As if. 

So I’ll spare you the backstory. The short of it is, I ended up reading Life of Pi, and finished it within a few days. Reading a really good book is practically a drug, so I started a new book right away, another book everyone seemed to have read, The Martian. 

I got about four chapters in before I started to think things were looking familiar. 

If you haven’t read either book, you should. I’ll wait.

. . .   . . .   . . .

If you don’t have the time or patience for that right now, I’ll give you a quick summary of what goes on in each. If you’ve already read them and don’t care for my summaries, skip on down to the next row of dots.

Life of Pi is about an Indian guy named Pi, naturally. The first part of the book explains his childhood. Pi is the son of a zookeeper, so he knows a lot about animal behavior. When he’s sixteen, his family decides to move to Canada, so Pi, his brother, his parents, and a collection of zoo animals also headed for the Americas hop on a boat to cross the Pacific. On the journey, their boat sinks, and Pi is the sole human survivor. Other survivors and inhabitants of Pi’s 22 foot lifeboat include a zebra, a hyena, and briefly, an orangutan. (RIP Orange Juice.) Oh, and there’s also the tiger, but Pi doesn’t notice that at first because the tiger is seasick and was hiding under the tarp for the first, like, five days. 

(Side note, that’s a very fun reveal, because everybody knows Life of Pi is the book with the tiger boat, so when we think the tiger isn’t there, it’s all like “Hey, where’s the tiger? I feel cheated out of a tiger”, and when the tiger shows back up, it’s all like “Oh s***, there’s the tiger.” Extremely good book.)

So the second half of the book is about Pi’s very unglamorous day-to-day life at sea. He eats raw fish and drinks turtle blood, and walks the fine tightrope of keeping the tiger happy so it won’t eat him, while also making sure the tiger knows he’s in charge, so it won’t eat him. Good thing he grew up in a zoo! Pretty stressful, constant threat of death, but a happy ending. 

The Martian is a book set in, I’m assuming, the near future, wherein a group of astronauts are on a research mission to Mars. Six Sols (Mars days) in, there’s a big sandstorm, and the team has to evacuate and leave Mars altogether. Mark Watney, botanist, mechanical engineer, and all-around great guy, gets separated from the group as they make their way to their rocket (MAV, but whatever), and the team has reason to believe he’s totally dead, so they leave without him. 

Surprise! Mark’s not dead, but he’s soon-to-be, because Mars is a deserted, uninhabitable, hell-planet. So, naturally, he has a crisis, but then decides he’s going to try to survive long enough for rescue. He starts growing potatoes, and tries to keep his equipment running long enough to contact NASA and tell them they messed up big time. There’s a lot of Mars shenanigans, which is to say, Mark almost dies a bunch of times, but he’s pretty smart. Good thing he’s a mechanical engineer! And botanist, I guess, but potatoes are less exciting than blowing up rocket fuel. Very stressful, constant threat of death, but a happy ending. 

. . .   . . .   . . .

Way back in middle school, when we learned about conflicts, they taught us there were three types: Man vs. Man, Man vs. Self, and Man vs. Nature. I’ve heard they’ve added more now, but the only one I care about for this essay is Man vs. Nature anyways.

Man vs. Nature is all about the character(s) winning against a force of nature, be it a wild beast, a natural disaster, or even a zombie plague. Examples of Man vs. Nature stories could be anything from Lost to Jaws to Little House in the Big Woods to The Hunger Games. There’s a lot of possibilities, but the Man vs. Nature books that I’m interested in are survival stories.

More specifically, the type in which the main character is alone for most of the story. I haven’t actually seen Castaway, but I’m imagining that fits into this category. The idea is to throw a character into an unknown and hostile place, and see how they manage to survive alone. 

I believe the first story of this type I read was in elementary school: Hatchet. Looking back on it, it doesn’t seem nearly as hardcore as getting stranded on Mars or being trapped in a lifeboat with a tiger, but that’s hindsight. When I was reading this at 11, it was an absolute thriller. It even had a moment of sick horror for me. I remember reading the chapter where Brian find the pilot’s decaying corpse and freaking out a little because it was the most graphic thing I’d ever read up to that point. Nevertheless, I remember that book as being adventurous, riveting, and very real.

I think one of the most interesting traits of these stories are the realism. If you’ve ever read The Martian, you know that the author definitely did his research. There’s something very cool about watching a character work out problems not with magic, or because they’re the chosen one, but with their wit and sheer determination. Life of Pi would not be nearly as fun to read if the tiger was just magically chill. Pi only survives because he knows how to work with wild animals, and while to some, that may seem convenient, I find it makes for a fascinating story. 

This brings me to the first characteristic of survival stories that makes them so compelling: good old fashioned gritty problem solving. Because any problem that crops up in a survival situation has to be solved immediately or the outcome is likely death, it forces characters to find solutions. Sometimes these solutions are quite creative. Sometimes they go horribly wrong. 

This connects to the second reason survival stories are so interesting: the main character is alone. They have to do everything themselves. And if it goes wrong, there’s no one there to pull them out of the s***. 

The Power of Friendship is a fantastic trope. No one can deny that seeing characters band together to accomplish their goals and become closer as a result makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And exploring the way characters interact with one another and develop their relationships is interesting, sure. But isolating a character is also a goldmine of a trope. Think of the episode of a show where the rest of the team is incapacitated and the remaining team member has to save the day all on their own. It allows that character to prove themselves as a competent problem solver, and show their strengths, and in the end, they save their friends, and there’s all the more Power of Friendship.

But when the character that’s isolated doesn’t have any friends, so to say, what happens? Being indefinitely cut off from the rest of the world makes for some interesting exploration of humanity as a whole. 

From a writing perspective, it’s a fascinating challenge. For one, when your main character is your only character, they have to be able to carry the story by themselves. In Life of Pi, the first half of the book is devoted to letting the reader get to know Pi, so they’ll be rooting for him, and understand his thought process a bit better. The Martian throws backstory to the wayside and tosses the reader headfirst into a catastrophe. The reader is hooked for the time being, and by the time the initial catastrophe is over, Mark has proven himself charismatic and likable, so the reader is alright with following this story through his lens. 

There’s also the psychological side of things, the reflection, which is the third thing survival stories do that’s weird and awesome. The writer can decide how much focus to put on the character’s sucky situation. The Martian plays this pretty light: Mark has a few moments of existentialism, but he hangs on to his humor and general will to live throughout the entire novel. Mark’s narration never truly loses the personality that made it so likable in the first place, even if it gets a stronger undercurrent of “F*** Mars” as the story progresses. In his situation, the threat of death is looming and ever constant. Everything seems to break, potato plants die, and one misstep means suffocating in the cold wasteland that is Mars. Life of Pi has a more passive dread. Once the tiger is reasonably under control, not a lot happens. This is the classic ‘stranded in the wilderness’ type of survival story, but with even less space to do things. All Pi can really do is collect water and fish. This makes his narration more introspective, and sometimes more numb. He spends a lot of the story grappling with his faith, which is a key component of his character. 

(Mark and Pi are interesting to compare in that regard: Mark is so obviously a man of science. He trusts in NASA’s work, and his own calculations. Pi has enough faith to practice three religions, and though he sometimes loses trust in God, in the end, his faith is stronger than ever.)

What I’m saying is, these stories can go one of two ways in regards to reflection. If a survival story is more immediately threatening, the story will focus more on the problems and solutions that come up and the writer will build a story more based around the events, though the main character’s personality is still important to keep the audience caring about the outcome. If a survival story is more slow moving and passively threatening, the story will focus more on introspection, and the writer will build the story around the character and how they react to their situation. Both serve the purpose of seeing how people deal with things alone, physically or mentally.

An honorary mention for things that make survival stories compelling is the lack of antagonist. Some may say the point of Man vs. Nature is that Nature is the antagonist (duh) but I would argue that it isn’t. Nature is really just doing its thing, and Man is the poor schmuck with bad luck. Despite what Mark Watney might say about Mars, it isn’t actively trying to kill him. It’s just existing and coincidentally killing him. And I know I said Life of Pi is more passive, but it might have a stronger claim to an antagonist in the tiger than The Martian does in Mars. But even then, Pi and the tiger reach a sort of understanding by the end, and there’s no longer a true threat besides starvation or one of the many other side effects of being stranded in the middle of the Pacific. 

(Speaking of side effects of being stranded in the middle of the Pacific, Life of Pi absolutely had my suspension of disbelief snatched right up until the part where Pi, half dead, meets another lifeboat out in the middle of the mcfreaking Pacific ocean. There’s no way he didn’t hallucinate that. It’s probably a metaphor, but it gave me so much whiplash I couldn’t figure out what for. Still a fantastic book.)

Survival stories above all give us perspective on our place in the world. As the world grows smaller and smaller, I hope we can remember to keep telling stories like them. They remind us of things we shouldn’t forget: Nature will always be stronger than us, though we can hold out against it. Mankind has a strong will to survive-- for ourselves, for our relationships to others, for our faith, or maybe just out of pure spite. I love both Life of Pi and The Martian for their exploration of these topics, and for being so unexpectedly but delightfully similar. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go live in the woods, surviving off berries and pheasants that I’ve shot with my bow, and contemplate the nature of man.

[TL;DR What does Mars and tigers have in common? They’re both orange. And also trying to kill the main characters of two well-loved novels.]

[clarion-call-of-football]

15 Tips For Football Coaches To Fix Their Teams

Winning soccer is all about implementation, not tricking another group. You wish to confuse your competition, not your team. At times, I see that a"flavor of the week" crime, where coaches attempt to spend the best plays that they found in pro or college football during the previous week. I recall coaching against a single group that had almost 30 configurations and conducted two plays out of each. They complained to the athletic director we were calling their plays out until they conducted them.

Settle on a couple of plays and find out the alterations so it is possible to implement them in almost any circumstance. Every trainer has dropped to a team whose crime fits on a note card. You just need one well-executed play if opponents can not stop it. Playing a lot of defenses. It is wonderful how many clubs utilize a multiple-front defense. Now, players need to make sure that they line up properly and fret about their shifting keys and assignments. Even professional teams operate a three- or four-man front.

Opt for a defense that fulfills your team's design and grasp it. It's possible to add blitzes and stunts once everybody has learned their missions and techniques.

Players missing clinics. Every ineffective app I worked with experienced players that did not appear for training. This demonstrates the other matters are more important to them. I hear coaches say,"Well, he is my very best player, and when he does not play we don't have any opportunity to win." If that is his degree of devotion, you don't have any opportunity to win anyhow.

This is what some trainers have done:

Should you miss exercise, you do not play this week. Each evening of exercise missed equals per quarter on the seat. Missing clinic means not beginning, and when your copy is doing a fantastic job, you remain on the seat. I have seen coaches enable one miss for each 10 summer workouts . Some schedule a day or early-morning clinic one day each week to permit parents to look after things such as doctor appointments.

I recommend that training staffs make clear what represents excused and unexcused absence if you're likely to distinguish between them. The difficulty I encountered was that a lot of parents were creating explanations or lying to get their kid, so that I stopped differentiating between them.

Head coaches can opt to provide your position coaches ability to excuse licensed absences, or you could authorize all pre-excused absences yourself.

Insufficient practice business. Losing apps frequently don't have a clinic program or don't follow it. Coaches do not understand how long they must practice particular drills, players rate themselves and do not work hard, and parents do not understand when to pick up their kid.

Take a comprehensive practice program and follow along. With mobile phones and timers, it's simple to place the entire exercise plan in your mobile and possess a buzzer noise when every interval is up. Coaches know how long they have for every drill, and if you post the exercise program, players understand just how long they have and provide more attempt to secure more reps. I suggest posting the clinic plan online so every position coach may add detail for their specific position. If you do not have sufficient time to achieve your purposes, you may have to reevaluate your defense or offense.

I visit groups beat themselves by jumping offsides, prohibited processes, delays of sport along with other penalties. A single late-hit punishment could be excused as an crash, but repeat infractions reveals a deficiency of self-control.

Instantly get your plays into the crime, and telephone penalties in training so that your players know about the results.

Each time these players confront contest, they create a justification, whine or produce an accident popularly called the"loser's limp."

Grow an aggressive environment in clinics. Give the winner a reward, along with the winners a punishment. They know that what is a contest and they should find out to compete, win and lose -- each of three together with course.

If the coaches are not there, you can not expect the players to be there. Training isn't about talking a fantastic game on Fridays; it is about correctly instructing players Monday through Thursday.

I would rather have one great assistant who is present constantly than five poor ones that are part-time. I know a family crisis, but there is a work-life equilibrium.

Trainers not at the faculty. I understand this is quite determined by where you reside, and there are lots of fantastic coaches that are not instructors. But in my own experience, if the trainer and nearly all of his assistants aren't at the construction, it is a challenge knowing the association between the faculty and the app.

Do not have a head coaching position in case you are in the construction, unless government assures you they will hire assistants that are teachers.

Nobody should sit five hours viewing a trainer enter information on a computer. Along with the defensive and offensive coaches do not have to see every additional layout their game programs.

Be organized. As a head coach, you probably hired capable coaches you hope. Give every mentor duties and hold them liable, as you maintain your players liable for their duties. As soon as they are finished, make them go home.

Failing to spot the best players. Every trainer has had the participant that resembles Tarzan and performs like Jane. If a participant is getting his ass kicked all week at training, he will not somehow begin playing nicely on Friday.

Play outcomes, not possible. In the event the 160-pound weakling is playing in a higher level than your 220-pound stud, then perform with him.

Unorganized particular teams. Poor performing teams do not possess a set strategy and frequently only practice particular teams on Thursday. The gamers do not wish to be on special teams, plus they do not know why those teams are essential to winning.

Set aside clinic time for particular teams exactly like every other portion of the game. Educate the players why they are significant. Place your best players . Attempt to win matches with particular teams, rather than treat them as an afterthought.

No parent service. Losing apps have a tendency to lack parent participation, and also the parents aren't supportive of their soccer program.

Find ways for your visitors to get involved -- group foods, mothers and mothers wearing jerseys. Provide a course for parents to educate them soccer. Show them how to be reassuring. Lots of parents wish to be supportive, but they might not understand how to help. Tell them your wants.

Deficiency of psychological control. We occasionally see players react to some taunt or push by throwing a punch. Or they allow competitions take them from the match with taunts. Some trainers attempt to"stick it" to other groups by conducting the scoreboard, or else they lose their cool with referees.

Utilize a diversion drill to instruct your players to concentrate. Teach them the appropriate way to react if another team does something dumb. Show them the outcome of what happens with lousy decisions, and instruct them that their targets and the group goals are more significant. Then, model and practice yourself as a trainer.

Losing teams game program to another group's weakness rather than their particular strengths. They fret about what another team will do rather than about their own group's execution. They frequently add a new crime or defense that week because they think it is the key to winning.

I am OK with a little tweak, but I've never seen anything longer than modest adjustments win a match.

There are a lot of reasons for this: badly drawn scout cards, absence of a script that is practice, playing with the players on the scout team.

Place players on the scout team that will give a fantastic appearance. Reward scout team players so that they feel appreciated and know how they help the team win. Have transparent scout cards, and have the players view movie. Possessing a script so that you know what is coming when you are practicing plays. Concentrate on quitting their best three to four runs and moves. If they could conquer you left handed, then they're likely going to conquer you anyways.

I have always found that tutors will need to quit beating themselves until they may be successful against a different group. I am not promising you will win each match with these hints, but it is my expectation you will observe these issues all encounter common places: being coordinated, with time effectively and being disciplined in all stages of training. The biggest obstacle to implementing those modifications is taking the opportunity to take action.

[p-aralian]

Men Without Women by Haruki Murakami

Men Without Women is a collection of short stories so I feel like I should review this both by their individual stories and as a whole.

(1) Drive My Car

Okay so let me first just tell you that I read these short stories while I was actually in Japan. Prior to my trip, I didn’t exactly have much knowledge on Japan’s affairs, except pretty much for the Meiji Restoration, which I studied in IB History. But I digress; basically what I’m trying to say is that I had no idea just how bad the gender inequality is in Japan. Like literally, women are still seen as the traditional caregiver, not really meant to be in the workforce but rather fulfil the role of a respectful wife and mother. So I guess I shouldn’t really have been surprised at the sexism in this novel, but it was really eye-opening because I guess Murakami’s expression of people’s lives in the book must be an accurate reflection or depiction of how Japanese people actually live.

The story literally starts with the blatant stereotype that women are bad drivers. Apparently we just don’t know how or aren’t built to operate such heavy machinery? Jesus. Sorry, but it’s actually ridiculous how some men think or rather are brought up to think. Must be the whole Confucianism thing. Also, the woman driver he hired was like what, my age, and he was SEXUALISING her. Okay he was kinda doing the opposite of that, ie, saying that she had no breasts and looked like a man but STILL – why do those things even matter!!! Why are you, a like 50+ year old man, evaluating the looks of a girl, WHO COULD BE YOUR DAUGHTER’S AGE. Please. Just. Stop.

Anyways, that aside. I also didn’t really like the story because it was very strange – the guy knew his wife was having an affair and didn’t call her out on it? And befriended his wife’s lover after she died? Dude, you cray. Who does that? Also, story 1 – man without woman because woman died. But woman was a cheating bitch. So again, not the best impression of women.

- In every situation, knowledge was better than ignorance. However agonizing, it was necessary to confront the facts. Only through knowing could a person become strong. - The proposition that we can look into another person’s heart with perfect clarity strikes me as a fool’s game. I don’t care how well we think we should understand them, or how much we love them. All it can do is cause us pain. Examining your own heart, however, is another matter. I think it’s possible to see what’s in there if you work hard enough at it. So in the end maybe that’s the challenge: to look inside your own heart as perceptively and seriously as you can, and to make peace with what you find there. If we hope to truly see another person, we have to start by looking within ourselves.

(2) Yesterday

I liked this one. I don’t really get how this falls into place with regard to the underlying thread that is supposed to bind all the stories together – “men without women”. Honestly, I don’t want to go too deep into this story. Essentially it’s about two people that the narrator knew who could have been together, probably wanted to or were meant to, but didn’t. (Note: there’s a touch of a woman’s unfaithfulness in this one too). Anyways, I feel like it’d be better if I just shared my favourite quotes from it:

- I wonder if life should really be that easy, that comfortable. It might be better to go our separate ways for a while, and if we find out that we really can’t get along without each other, then we get back together. - Maybe going through that kind of tough, lonely experience is necessary when you’re young? Part of the process of growing up? … The way surviving hard winters makes a tree grow stronger, the growth rings inside it tighter. - I truly love Aki-kun, and I don’t think I could ever feel the same way about anybody else. Whenever I’m away from him I get this terrible ache in my chest, always in the same spot. It’s true. There’s a place in my heart reserved just for him. But at the same time I have this strong urge inside me to try something else, to come into contact with all kinds of people. Call it curiosity, a thirst to know more. More possibilities. It’s a natural emotion and I can’t suppress it, no matter how much I try. - Music has that power to revive memories, sometimes so intensely that they hurt.

(3) An Independent Organ

This one was my favourite. It really got to me. Like really got to me. Like I was crying for quite a while after I was done with it. The narrator was again talking about someone else’s life, a plastic surgeon and bachelor who had never been in a long-term relationship with a woman but rather preferred to have good conversations, good sex and no commitment. (Fair enough, I get that). So most of his women tend to be married because apparently a lot of women want the committed part of a relationship with their husbands but ALSO the company of another man who can remind them what it’s like to date and flirt and whatever, I don’t know. Anyways, this doctor falls in love, with a married woman. Surprise surprise. But no. He then has an existential crisis and then dies. He dies because he is lovesick and heartbroken and he dies at his own hands, condemning himself to a slow death by anorexia. He becomes but a shadow of his former self and just dies. Because of the bitch, who not only abandons her husband but also the doctor for, get this, a THIRD lover. Ok so, unfaithfulness again. But that’s not the point.

I feel it was a little melodramatic and unrealistic that he just gave up on life after this woman broke his heart (or maybe it isn’t, maybe because he was so set in his ways of non-commitment that falling in love with a woman and then being betrayed by her could be so heart-breaking that he wanted to reduce himself to nothing? I still think it’s a bit much but it’s not my place to comment on these things after all.) Nonetheless, it broke my heart. I can’t even begin to imagine what betrayal feels like – like he said, if she had told him that she couldn’t be with him because she wanted to keep her family together, he would have been fine, but it was solely the very act of betrayal that drove him to non-existence. Fuck.

My favourite quotes are as follows:

- I’ve been out with lots of women who are much prettier than her, better built, with better taste, and more intelligent. But those comparisons are meaningless. Because to me she is someone special. A ‘complete presence,’ I guess you could call it. All of her qualities are tightly bound into one core. You cant separate each individual quality to measure and analyse it, to say it’s better or worse than the same quality in someone else. It’s what’s in her core that attracts me so strongly. Like a powerful magnet. It’s beyond logic. - ‘Having seen my love now / and said farewell / I know how very shallow my heart was of old / as if I had never before known love – Gonchunagon Atsutada ... I’ve finally experienced what the poet felt. The deep sense of loss after you’ve met the woman you love, have made love, then said goodbye. Like you’re suffocating. The same emotion hasn't changed at all in a thousand years. I’ve never had this feeling up till now, and it makes me realise how incomplete I’ve been, as a person. - The more I get to know her, the more I love her. We’ve gone out for a year and a half, but right now I’m even more entranced than I was at the beginning. It feels like our hearts have become intertwined. Like when she feels something, my heart moves in tandem. Like we’re two boats tied together with rope. Even if you want to cut the rope, there’s no knife sharp enough to do it. - As long as it makes sense, no matter how deep you fall, you should be able to pull yourself together again. - Women are all born with a special independent organ that allows them to lie. It depends on the person, about the kind of lies they tell, what situation they tell them in, and how the lies are told. But at a certain point in their lives, all women tell lies, and they lie about important things. They lie about unimportant things, too, but they also don’t hesitate to lie about the most important things. And when they do, most women’s expressions and voices don’t change at all, since it’s not them lying, but this independent organ they’re equipped with that’s acting on its own. That’s why – except in a few special cases – they can still have a clear conscience and never lose sleep over anything they say. - Just as that woman likely lied to him with her independent organ, Dr. Tokai – in a somewhat different sense – used this independent organ to fall in love. A function beyond his will. With hindsight it’s easy for someone else to sadly shake his head and smugly criticize another’s actions. But without the intervention of that kind of organ – the kind that elevates us to new heights, thrusts us down to the depths, throws our minds into chaos, reveals beautiful illusions, and sometimes even drives us to death – our lives would indeed be indifferent and brusque. Or simply end up as a series of contrivances.

The paragraph on women born with the ability to lie really got to me. 

(4) Scheherazade

Lol. I had a friend called Scheherazade so this was very difficult to read without imagining her. Also because it’s a pseudonym for a Japanese woman, but I just wasn’t able to picture it that way?!!! Okay. I’m going to call her Schez for short. Schez is weird. She talks about her past, in which she describes having a crush on a guy in high school and sneaking out of school to break into his house and smell his things and god knows what else – not cool at all, in fact really creepy. Another thing is, she’s a caretaker who has sex with the dude. Is that a thing? I wish they’d say a little bit more about who the narrator was and why he needed such caretaking to begin with? It all just felt really misplaced. Also don’t get how this fits the whole men without women theme again. Oh and also, Schez was married and I really don’t think the sex can just be dismissed or classified as simply being part of her job – that’s total unfaithfulness as well. Please.

- Life is strange, isn’t it? You can be totally entranced by the glow of something one minute, be willing to sacrifice everything to make it yours, but then a little time passes, or your perspective changes a bit, and all of a sudden you’re shocked at how faded it appears. What was I looking at? you wonder.

(5) Kino

I like this one. Since I’ve been consistent in highlighting this fact, let me just start by saying – there’s unfaithfulness by a woman in this, AGAIN. But other than that, it was really mysterious which was a welcome change. Were the supernatural occurrences real or were they just manifestations of the narrator’s subconscious, forcing him to come to terms with how he truly felt about his wife’s infidelity? This felt like proper Murakami. The snakes, the vanishing cat, the rain, the knocking, I loved it.

(6) Samsa in Love

I have Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis somewhere. I think it’s in London in my brother’s house. I wish I’d read it before this. Maybe then I would’ve had a little more context for this story. But alas it’s not hard to figure. Metamorphosis. That’s pretty self-explanatory. Reviewers online say it’s an interesting take on Gregor Samsa. I don’t know, I don’t really have too much to say about it really. Also, don’t really see how it fits in with the theme again. You know what, that’s it. I got nothing.

(7) Men Without Women

“Men Without Women”. Repeated way too many times in one story. Okay so the narrator receives a phone call from his ex-lover’s husband to be told that she is dead. He thinks about her and their time together and also of how he imagines meeting her earlier in high school and stuff like that. I dunno. I just liked how she played a certain song when they had sex. In fact, you know what I love all of Murakami’s allusions to music and the power it has on people, on memories, on emotions. If I can relate to anything, hell it’s that.  

So I read in an interview with Murakami that he doesn’t analyse the images or thoughts derived from his subconscious which form the content of his stories, instead he merely records them. Honestly, I don’t want to over-analyse it either. These stories took me on a journey, gave me a peek into different worlds, some of which I could relate to more than others. I am glad to have read them and that’s that!