#and then when I finally do get the job it’s like a 40% or less chance | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

daysofyellowroses · 8 months ago

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sandwich

carmen berzatto x afab!reader | 7.9k | based on this wonderful request by @kpopgirlbtssvt (sincere apologies this took so long!) | 18+ minors dni | warnings: smut, mentions of abuse, shitty shitty behaviour, language

finally finally finally i am posting this! it was not intended to be so long but i couldn't bring myself to end it, then life and work got busy and long story short, here it is! i have more requests to get working on, but i have a week off from today so hopefully no more delays! 🌼💗🫶🏻

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“I can do this, I can totally do this.”

You repeated the words to yourself over and over, looking at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. It was just a job interview, it wasn't like you were going into battle or something. Still, that thought didn't ease the knot in your stomach. Job interviews were always nerve-wracking, it was just the nature of them. You'd lost track of how many you'd been on, they all started to blur together. Some of the jobs weren't even really what you wanted, but you needed something new. Your notice was burning a hole in your pocket, just waiting to be handed in.

You stepped back from the mirror, taking a deep breath. Your outfit looked professional, you felt. A white shirt and navy pants, simple but effective. You forced yourself to smile, to try and feel more relaxed. The world wouldn't end, you still had a job, technically, had a roof over your head. A new roof, a new life. Now you just needed a new job and it would all fall into place.

Heading into your bedroom, you checked your phone to see which interview it was, your calendar flooded with notices. The latest was a hostess job for the Bear, a newly opened restaurant. You'd been a little surprised to get a call for an interview, while you had worked in a restaurant before it was a couple of years ago and you'd worked there for less than a year. Still, an interview was an interview, and you wouldn't be too down if you didn't get it.

When you arrived at the restaurant, you wondered if you'd gone to the right address. In theory it looked like a restaurant, but there was still a whole lot of construction work going on. You wondered how soon the soon-to-be-open was exactly. Heading inside, you raised a brow at how much work was being done, an interview on a construction site would be a new experience for sure.

After a moment, a blonde woman walked through one of the open doorways, picking her way across the floor to you. She seemed to be heavily pregnant, but it didn't stop her weaving through the room with ease.

“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting,” She smiled as she approached you. “I'm Natalie, one of the managers here. You must be my ten o'clock interview, come on in.”

She led you to a table that had been laid out how you imagined all the tables would eventually look, with its elegant wine glasses and luxurious napkins and cutlery. There were, you noticed, three chairs across the table from you, your heart beating a little faster. You didn't mind interviews but when there were three or four people talking to you at once it could be a little intense.

You gave her your details and placed your purse on the back of your chair, taking a deep breath.

“Great,” Natalie smiled, placing the copy of your resume that you had given her on the table. “I'm just waiting for-”

“I'm here,” A voice called from across the room. “Sorry I'm late.”

You looked over, finding a tall man in a dark suit walking over to the table. He looked about mid-40s, piercing blue,eyes, pretty attractive but not necessarily your type. Not that it mattered, you told yourself. Finding your boss attractive hadn't been great for you historically.

The man introduced himself and you did the same, sitting up a little as he sat down beside Natalie.

“Are Carm and Sydney coming to this one?” Natalie asked Richie, quietly. “They said they would.”

“Said they'd try,” Richie replied, looking over to you with a polite smile. “But let's get started shall we?”

“Absolutely.” You nodded with a smile, taking a deep breath.

“Well let's tell you a little bit about us,” Natalie smiled. “As you can see we're still in the renovation stage, but we're close to the end now. We were a sandwich shop before but now we're moving to a more high end operation, which we're all very excited about. It's a great team we have here, and we're looking forward to building on what we already have.”

“That sounds great,” You smiled, glancing down to the table for a moment to gather your thoughts before looking back up. “I'm used to working as part of a strong team, so that wouldn't be a problem.”

“Excellent,” Natalie nodded, looking at your resume for a moment before looking over to Richie. “Well Richie here is our front of house manager so I'll let him fill you in on what we would expect from you.”

Richie nodded, looking over to you and you felt your heart race a little. For good or bad you weren't sure, but you decided to roll with it.

“As Natalie said we're going to be a high end operation,” Richie began, his gaze burning into you. “What does that mean to you?”

You thought about it for a moment, adjusting the napkin in front of you before looking back at Richie.

“To me it means excellent food, a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere, and a strong focus on customer service.”

Richie was quiet for a moment and you found yourself questioning your answer.

“Good,” Richie nodded, sitting back a little. “Now..”

It was fifteen or so minutes later when the door to the restaurant opened. Richie and Natalie both glanced over and you paused what you were saying. After a moment they looked back at you and you kept going, a man about your age coming over to the table and sitting in the empty chair beside Natalie. He gave you a polite smile and you felt your heart race in a way you knew definitely wasn't good but in the best possible way.

“Apologies for my brother's lateness,” Natalie sighed softly, gesturing to the man beside her. “This is Carmy, he's the head chef.”

He smiled as he held his hand out to you and it took you a second to remember your own name. You shook his had, trying to ignore the spark that shot through you.

The rest of the interview felt like a blur, before you knew it you were saying your goodbyes and heading out. You had no idea if you had actually done well or not, with every other interview you'd had some idea but you were honestly clueless with this one.

It was a couple of days later when you got a phone call. You had just gotten out of the shower when your phone rang, you could hear it from your bedroom and quickly threw a towel around yourself before heading into your bedroom. You didn't have time to check the ID before answering your phone, clutching your towel around yourself.

“Hello?”

“Hi, sorry to call so early.”

You vaguely recognised the voice, running through possible options in your head before it dawned on you.

“Uh..no, no it's fine,” You nodded, sitting on the edge of your bed. “Don't worry.”

“Great,” Carmy replied. “I wanted to thank you for coming in the other day, we had a lot of interviews..”

You took a deep breath as you braced yourself for rejection. It wouldn't be the worst thing, but it still always felt a little deflating to be told you weren't good enough.

“..and I wanted to let you know that we would love to have you on board, if you're still interested?”

Your heart flew into your mouth, your mind unable to process an answer for a moment.

“I..yes, yes I'm still interested,” You nodded, a smile breaking out on your face. “That's amazing, thank you so much.”

“My pleasure,” Carmy's voice sounded low in your ear and you found yourself clutching your towel tighter. “I know you have to work out your notice in your current job but whenever you're free to start, we'll be here.”

“Oh, great,” You murmured, cursing yourself for sounding so dazed. “I'll hand my notice in today, and..I'll keep you updated. Thank you so much.”

“Don't mention it, I'll talk to you soon okay?”

“Okay,” You nodded, saying your goodbyes before ending the call and sitting on your bed for a while longer to process what had happened. It was a weight off your shoulders, of course, but you still had a nervous excitement about it.

The two weeks you had to finish out seemed to pass by in an instant. On your last day you were given a card and flowers, someone brought in a cake, and you found yourself wondering if anyone would even remember you in a week's time.

Then, before you knew it, you were getting ready to start your first shift at the Bear. It was the opening night, and you weren't sure if the nerves would ever end. The evening was all a blur, you felt like you were on autopilot, watching your own body in action. Richie took the helm much to your relief, and you just followed his lead. By the time you were putting your jacket on and getting ready to go home, you weren't sure you hadn't dreamed the whole thing.

The nerves really hit on your following shift. There wasn't the buzz of the opening night, the pressure that made you strangely calm. You spent a solid two hours getting ready, looking at yourself in the mirror for a ridiculously long time. Your dress felt too short, even with your dark tights. Your makeup felt like it was too much and not enough. Eventually you had to leave, and tried to push your insecurities aside before they drove you crazy.

You arrived at the restaurant just in time for the staff dinner, taking your seat and taking off your jacket. You felt too nervous to eat, even though the food looked incredible. Instead, you opted to take a sip of water, glancing up and finding Carmy looking at you. He looked away when you met his eyes and you slowly set your cup down, adjusting your dress under the table.

While you forced yourself to eat something, you looked over to Richie as he launched into a story, finding yourself relaxing slightly. You were sure you felt eyes on you, but when you glanced at Carmy he wasn't looking at you. After dinner, the nerves struck again as everyone got ready for the service. You hung back for a moment, taking a deep breath.

“Hey, feeling okay?”

You looked up and swallowed a breath as you saw Carmy walking over to you.

“Uh..yeah, yeah I'm good,” You nodded, clearing your throat. “Just the tiniest bit nervous. It's been a minute since I was in a job like this..I hope last night wasn't just a fluke.”

“It wasn't,” Carmy smiled, raising a brow. “Don't worry. You were great, really great. You can do this, just overthink it, alright?”

“Alright,” You smiled, feeling the knot in your stomach loosen slightly. “I won't.”

Service actually went well, at least for a while. You put on a mask of confidence and found yourself feeling better about your abilities as the evening went on. Until, that is, you were in the kitchen explaining an order update for a table when Richie burst in with a face like thunder and your stomach dropped.

“Hey,” He looked over to you and you already wanted the ground to open up and swallow you.

“Did you seat table nine?”

“I..yes, I did,” You nodded, wondering what exactly the problem was, nothing springing to mind. “Why? Should I..not have?”

Richie sighed and ran his hand over his face, while you felt like you were back in school about to be ripped apart by a teacher.

“You seated them,” Richie nodded, resting his hands on his hips. “Despite the fact that table nine is reserved for seven thirty, did you just decide not to do your job?”

“I..I'm so sorry,” You insisted, holding your hands up. “It was a mistake, I take complete responsibility for it, I'm so sorry.”

“You should be,” Richie sighed, shaking his head. “You made the mess, you clean it up. I can't fucking believe this.”

“I..” You stopped yourself as Richie held his hand up, trying to hold back your tears and cursing yourself for being so damn overly sensitive.

“No, you just need to stop,” Richie muttered. “I gotta think.”

You closed your eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, looking over your shoulder as you felt a hand on your back.

“Don't worry,” Carmy murmured softly, meeting your eyes. “he's just a drama queen. You can do this, don't panic.”

You felt more eyes on you, some of the other chefs looking at you with surprise before they got back to work.

“Alright,” You nodded, taking a deep breath before looking back at Richie.

“I'll handle it.”

You left the kitchen, holding your head up high and leaving the mask aside.

After service was over, you slipped out to the back and sat on a low wall before pulling a back of cigarettes from your purse. A moment later you let out a long exhale and felt your body relax.

“Mind if I bum one of those?”

“Of course,” You smiled, holding the packet out to Carmy as he walked towards you. “Go for it.”

“Thanks,” Carmy nodded, taking the pack. “Didn't have you pegged as a smoker. No offense.”

“None taken,” You smiled, wrapping your arm around yourself. “I don't smoke so much anymore, just after a tough day. Stress reliever.”

Carmy nodded as he lit up a cigarette, handing you back the packet. “I get you. But I should warn you this job will have you back smoking full time, nature of it and all.”

You nodded as you took a drag of your cigarette, watching Carmy sit down beside you.

“Thanks for the heads up..and I'm sorry again for tonight.”

Carmy shook his head, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees.

“Don't apologize, honestly. It was an honest mistake, it all got resolved. Richie just needs to have a moment now and then. He'll apologize in a day or two.”

“Can't wait,” You laughed softly, flicking your cigarette by your feet. “I really thought he was gonna kill me at one point. If I'm still here in a month I'll be amazed.”

“You'll still be here,” Carmy nudged you gently. “If I have my way anyway. Don't let Richie get in your head. You're good at what you do, embrace it.”

“Are you a chef or a life coach?” You teased, smiling to yourself. “I just get a little too in my head sometimes, overthink things.”

“Well join the club,” Carmy laughed softly as he shook his head. “We're all guilty of that. You just gotta push past it, I guess.”

“Hm, has that ever worked for you?” You asked, looking over to Carmy.

“Honestly?” Carmy met your gaze, his cigarette between his lips and his eyes sincere. “Not even once.”

“Hm, I suspected as much,” You smiled, looking away. “easier said than done, right?”

“Right,” Carmy murmured. “So maybe we just tell each other when we're overthinking. Get the thoughts out.”

“That sounds great, in theory,” You raised a brow, looking up for a moment with a smile. “Guess we'll just have to see how it goes in practice.”

A month later, you had started to settle into your role more, getting more comfortable and confident. There were a couple of slip ups here and there, but you always seemed to have Carmy in your corner. You got better at handling problems, and gradually started to build a bond with Richie, who you grew a soft spot for.

One particular Saturday, there was a plan to go for drinks after work. You hadn't been planning to go, but figured it would be nice to spend some time with everyone outside of work, in your normal clothes and without only being able to speak in short bursts.

Well, you and Carmy did tend to spend some time after work having a cigarette, sometimes it was twenty minutes, sometimes it was an hour. At first you would just talk about work, about the night's service, any annoying customers, but gradually you started to learn more. You found that you enjoyed just listening to him talk, when he would tell you little snippets of his life. It was never too much, too detailed, but enough for you to piece together a more clear picture of his life. You shared some details of your life, never anything too much, but enough that he seemed interested, asking you more and more questions.

After service that Saturday, you felt like you could sleep for a week but everyone else's excitement gave you a buzz. You got changed in the bathroom, throwing on a pair of dark jeans and a simple red velvet top, stuffing your hostess dress into your bag. You felt more than ready for a drink, but there was one thing you had to do first.

“Didn't think you were coming out tonight.”

“For a drink or a smoke?” You asked, walking over to the wall and sitting beside Carmy. He was wearing jeans and a sweater but when you were so used to seeing him in his whites it made a difference.

“Either,” Carmy handed you a pack of cigarettes. “Not complaining though.”

“Didn't think you would,” You smiled, plucking a cigarette from the pack. “I told Syd I'd head to the bar in a few, they're all gonna go on ahead. Richie said first round on him.”

“I'll believe that when I see it,” Carmy scoffed, shaking his head. “What's your poison?”

“Arsenic,” You replied, looking over to Carm with a grin. “Ask an old question and get an old answer.”

“Alright, fair,” Carmy nodded, a smile on his face. “if I was to give you a drink right now what would you have?”

“Right now?” You looked up for a moment, thinking about it.

“Mm..probably like a whiskey sour.”

“You're such an old man,” Carm laughed as you rolled your eyes. “A whiskey sour?”

“It's a classic,” You lightly swatted his arm. “Don't knock it. We can't all be cool bros who drink fucking beer.”

“I never said I was having a beer,” Carmy raised a brow, holding his hand over his heart. “You're really gonna slap me with the bro label?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, taking a drag on your cigarette before looking over to Carm with a grin. “It's an old man's prerogative.”

You and Carm ended up arriving at the bar after everyone else had already finished half their first drinks. One of you had suggested walking to the bar, it didn't seem so far away at the time. On the way you'd stopped to get cigarettes, arguing over who was paying, Carmy beating you to the card machine by a split second.

The bar felt warm when you walked in, Carm's hand on your back as you removed your jacket not helping. He told you he'd order the drinks, disappearing before you could offer your card.

You joined the others, sitting down beside Richie and laughing as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and rested his head on yours. By the time Carmy came over with your drinks you were caught up in Syds's story, taking a moment before looking over to Carm and mouthing a ‘thank you’.

As the night went on, you weren't sure how many drinks you had actually had, between your trips to the bar more glasses were placed in front of you, everyone forgetting who they actually owed. In the latest bar you'd all ended up in, you leaned against Carmy's shoulder, his arm around yours.

“Oh shit,” You heard Richie exclaim, slowly dragging your gaze over to him.

“They got karaoke!”

“Karaoke?” You grinned, looking up at Carmy. “Oh wait, you're probably too cool for that, huh bro?”

“Shut up,” Carmy rolled his eyes with a smile, lightly squeezing your shoulder. “We can't all get up and belt out Sinatra.”

“Hey,” You raised a brow. “My drinks may be old but my music taste is not. Get me the sight up sheet.”

The lights of the stage felt bright and hot on your already warm skin, but you felt a rush of adrenaline as everyone cheered and your eyes met Carm's.

“Hey,” You smiled, giving a little wave and trying not to cringe at the sound of your voice in the microphone. “I'm gonna sing a song that I love, and hope I don't butcher it entirely.”

You laughed softly as the Bear crowd cheered, someone giving you a whistle. The alcohol-induced confidence took over you as the music started, and you decided to just embrace the moment as you held the microphone.

‘All the lights in Miami begin to gleam

Ruby, blue and green, neon too

Everything looks better from above my king

Like aquamarine, ocean's blue

Ah ah ah ah

Cacciatore

La da da da da

Limousines

Ah ah ah ah

Ciao amore

La da da da da

Soft ice cream’

Any lingering nerves you had disappeared when you looked over to your table and heard cheers, your eyes meeting Carmy's for a moment. His gaze was totally focused on you, your heart beating faster as you continued the song, feeling a little more confident as you kept your gaze on him.

‘Catch me if you can

Working on my tan

Salvatore

Dying by the hand

Of a foreign man

Happily

Calling out my name

In the summer rain

Ciao amore

Salvatore can wait

Now it's time to eat

Soft ice cream’

You felt like you were in a daze as the song ended, smiling when there was a round of applause and making your way back to the table. Richie squeezed your shoulder and went to get you a drink, which you knew would have you fully committing to a hangover but you didn't care.

“You were incredible,” Carmy whispered in your ear, low and warm. “I had no idea you could sing.”

“Really?” You grinned, turning your head and meeting his eyes. “Well I guess I'm just full of surprises.”

A couple of hours later, you found yourself trying not to fall asleep in the back of an Uber, your head on Carmy's shoulder. You were drunk, but not so much that you had lost all sense of yourself. Instead you felt pleasantly buzzed and sleepy, wanting to fall into your bed and stay there forever.

“We're here,” Carm gently squeezed your shoulder, dragging you from your drifting thoughts. “Let's go.”

You let him help you out of the car, your arm linked with his as he led you to the door of your building. It took a minute to remember the code to the door, but you got there in the end, laughing to yourself when it worked.

“Now I just need to remember what number my apartment is,” You sighed as you pushed the button for the elevator, grinning as Carmy gave you a deadpan look. “Kidding, don't worry.”

When you reached your front door, you expected Carmy to give a polite excuse and leave, even though that was the last thing you wanted him to do. When he didn't, you tried not to look too pleased, holding the door open for him and taking a deep breath.

“Where's your kitchen?” Carm asked, turning to you as you closed the door. “I'll get you some water.”

“Just through there,” You smiled, gesturing to the door on your left. “I'm gonna go change.”

You went into your bedroom, leaving the door open and flicking on the light. You peeled off your clothes and dropped them into/close enough to the laundry hamper before heading to the chest of drawers and pulling open a drawer. You rifled through until you found a pair of simple blue pajamas, pulling on the t-shirt then the shorts.

When you turned around Carm was heading through the door, glancing around the room before placing the glass of water on your nightstand. He turned to look at you and you felt your heart leap from your chest.

“Stay,” You asked, or rather requested, feeling a little embarrassed by your firmness. “I mean..if you want, you can stay. It's pretty late.”

“Oh, uh..okay,” Carmy nodded, and you found yourself relaxing a little. “Sure. I can crash on the couch.”

“Don't be stupid,” You smiled, gesturing to your double, albeit a small double, bed. “It's alright, I don't bite.”

Carm looked concerned for a moment before he laughed and shook his head.

“Ah what the hell. It's one night.”

“Don't sound too offended to share my bed,” You teased, walking over to the nightstand and picking up the glass. “Not just anyone gets that privilege.”

“I'm flattered,” Carm laughed softly, rubbing his neck. “Just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You couldn't if you tried,” You insisted, gently touching his arm before sitting down on your bed. “Now hurry up, I'm exhausted.”

A couple of moments later, Carm was down to his shorts, and you tried not to stare. He turned out the light before you could hear him crossing the room. You slipped under the covers, your breath catching as you felt him get in beside you.

“Comfortable?” You asked, turning onto your side and resting your hand under your pillow.

“Yeah,” Carmy nodded, laying on his back. You could just about make him out in the dark, the lingering scent of his cologne, cigarettes and beer feeling heady and desirable. “Thanks.”

“You're welcome,” You murmured softly, taking a breath. “tonight was really fun..I can't really remember the last time I had a night out.”

“Me too,” Carm sighed softly, the mattress dipping slightly as he turned to face you. “I'll pay for it tomorrow, I feel the hangover creeping over the horizon.”

“That's the downside to getting older,” You shrugged softly. “You start to feel hungover before you've even gone to sleep.”

“Well you would know,” Carm retorted. “You old, old man.”

You gasped and reached out to lightly swat his arm, smiling as he laughed.

“That is uncalled for. I'm old, not old old.”

“Is there a difference?” Carm asked, his voice dropping low as he nestled into the pillow.

“Not really,” You murmured softly, your hand resting on the gap in the mattress. “But I stand by my actions.”

“Never had you pegged as violent,” Carm murmured, his hand resting close to yours. “Learning so much about you.”

“Hey I can't give away all my secrets,” You smiled softly, moving your hand ever so slightly closer to his. “I like being a little mysterious.”

“I like that,” Carmy laughed softly, his hand moving to lay gently on top of yours. “But I like everything about you so..hardly a surprise.”

You were quiet for a moment, a tired smile forming on your face.

“I like everything about you too,” You murmured softly, feeling like you could see Carm clearly even in the darkness.

“Hardly a surprise.”

He let out a gentle laugh, his thumb gently stroking over your hand. You felt your heart fly into your mouth, like you were suddenly wide awake and able to see through the alcohol-induced haze.

“We should get some sleep.”

The words had your heart dropping back into your stomach, your mouth turning dry.

“Uh..yeah, yeah we should,” You murmured, closing your eyes and trying not to feel so disappointed. “Sweet dreams.”

Before you knew it the mattress had dipped again, and his hand was gone from yours.

Carmy was already gone when you woke up the next morning, and you decided to try and put the memories of his hand on yours to rest.

For the next week at work, you felt like you weren't really yourself. Maybe it was subconscious, but you found yourself avoiding Carmy where possible. You sat at the opposite end of the table to him at family dinner, you stopped going for a smoke after work, and only really interacted with him in a professional manner. You could see he was confused by the change, and you hoped he would understand. In time you'd be like you were, you just needed time for your feelings to dissolve.

The following Saturday, you felt like you were going through the motions at work, flicking the customer service switch on when you needed to. Any time you'd gone into the kitchen Carm had looked at you with a smile and you had forced yourself to look away, guilt eating away at you.

Then it happened.

The worst possible situation you could find yourself in.

The front door had opened and you looked up from the reservations list to greet the latest visitors, your heart sinking as you saw who it was.

Your ex-boyfriend, someone you had very carefully avoided for months was walking towards you with a woman holding onto his arm and giggling. She looked beautiful, was probably a decent, kind person. You wondered how long it would be before she realized who exactly she was dating.

It took every ounce of self control you had to stay professional, to smile and greet the pair. The reservation was under her name, and you knew it was a purposely chosen move. He lived on the other side of town, there was no way he would just happen to come to the Bear if you didn't work there, you knew it.

After taking them to their table, you found Richie and told him you needed a moment, which he granted you. You went to the bathroom and locked yourself in a cubicle, leaning against the door.

He was out there, you couldn't avoid him. You imagined Richie getting their drinks, finding them to be a charming, loved up couple. Because your ex was great at making people think that. He was charming and witty and romantic, on the surface. Until you were alone with him.

You made your way back out to the floor, trying to focus on work. When you had to go into the kitchen you felt overwhelmed by the heat, the smells, the voices coming from every direction. You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath. A moment later, you felt a hand on your back, your eyes opening and your heart calming as you met Carmy's gaze.

“Hey,” He smiled softly, raising a brow. “You good?”

“Yeah,” You nodded softly, wanting to touch his arm to ground yourself but forcing yourself not to. “I'm good.”

Back on the floor, you felt like you were in a daze. Any time you had to go to your ex's table it was like torture. He was perfectly polite, didn't give any indication he knew you, but you could feel his eyes burning into you.

After you took another small break to compose yourself, you left the bathroom and let out a gasp as you found your ex in the vestibule. You wanted to run to the door, go back to the floor. As you went to leave however, he grabbed your wrist, and you wanted to scream.

“Just gonna leave without saying hello properly?”

“Let me go,” You snapped, looking back at him and trying to pull your wrist free from his grasp. “Now.”

“What's the rush?” Your ex grinned, and you felt sick. “Let's have a little catch up. This where you been since you ran off?”

“I said let me go,” You repeated, gasping when your ex stepped forward and shoved you against the wall. He kept his hand on your wrist, his other hand resting on the wall by your head.

“Not so hasty hm?” Your ex smiled, tilting his head. “I think you owe me an explanation.”

“I don't owe you anything!” You snapped, trying to push him away and failing. “Get off me or I'll scream.”

“Oh try it,” Your ex laughed. “Your theatrics never worked before and they won't work now. “Now, maybe you want to tell me why you left? I never did get an explanation, did I?”

You opened your mouth to scream, the sound immediately muffled as your ex's hand clamped over your mouth, a furious look in his eyes.

“Don't you fucking dare,” He snapped, his hand pressing harder. “Nobody disrespect me, certainly not you. Look at you, you're pathetic.”

You felt tears welling up in your eyes, panic setting in. You knew what he was capable of, and you wouldn't be able to go back onto the floor if he lost control and left bruises.

The main door began to push open, your ex immediately stepping back from you while you tried to quickly compose yourself. You felt a sense of relief when Richie walked in, your heart racing as you spotted Carmy walk in behind him.

“Everything okay?” Richie asked, looking over to you. “You were gone a while,” He looked over to your ex, skeptically, before looking back to you. “Just wanted to see if you were good to get back out.”

“Yes,” You nodded, taking a deep breath and avoiding meeting anyone's eyes. “Apologies, chef. I'll head back out.”

“She will in a second,” Your ex smiled, reaching out to grab your wrist, his fingers digging into your skin. “We're old friends, just catching up.”

“Well I have to go,” You murmured, trying to subtly free yourself and feeling fresh tears well up as your ex tightened his grip. “So..”

“Right,” Richie nodded, his eyes on your ex while you briefly met Carmy's gaze. “I'll escort you back to your table, sir.”

“Yeah, in a minute,” Your ex nodded, pulling you closer to him. “We just have some things to discuss.”

“Please don't do this,” You muttered, tears filling your vision, trying to pull your wrist free as your ex grabbed your arm firmly.

“Hey,” You heard Carmy's voice and looked down at the ground, trying to compose yourself. “I need my staff to get back to work, and I need you to get the fuck out of my restaurant.”

“Fuck yes cousin,” Richie nodded. “He's out.”

“I don't think so,” Your ex laughed, squeezing your arm harder. “I'm a paying customer, show some respect.”

“Show some respect?” Carmy repeated, a harsh edge in his voice. “I'm giving you a chance to leave quietly, I suggest you take it.”

“Or what?” Your ex smirked, stepping closer to you. “I'll leave when I want. Like I said, we're catching up.”

“That's it,” Carmy sighed, stepping closer. “Get the fuck out of my restaurant right now before I have you forcibly removed.”

You let out a gasp as you were pushed back against the wall, everything happening in a blur. You could hear Carm and Richie saying something as they grabbed your ex and pulled him off you. Richie hauled him outside before Carmy's hand was in yours, guiding you out into the restaurant and through the kitchen, the two of you finally ending up in his office.

“Sit down,” Carm gestured to the desk chair. “I'll go get you some water.”

“No,” You insisted, reaching out to touch his arm. “Please. Don't leave me alone.”

Carm was quiet for a moment before he nodded, stepping closer to you and wrapping his arms around you. You buried your face in his neck, clinging to him as you tried to stop your tears to no avail.

You weren't sure how much time passed, but before you knew it it was closing time. You assured Carm you were okay before you went to help Richie out front, giving him a nod as he gave you a concerned look.

When it came time to leave, you clutched your keys tightly in your hand, making your way to your car and taking a deep breath. You felt like you couldn't breathe properly until you arrived back home and checked every room. Your ex didn't know where you lived, but it didn't stop you feeling a little paranoid.

After getting ready for bed, you decided to stay up a little longer, settling on the couch to watch a movie. While you were scrolling through Netflix your phone rang, and the brief panic that hit you subsided when you saw it was Carmy calling you.

“Hey,” You smiled softly as you answered, picking up one of the cushions and holding it against you. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, all good,” Carm replied, and you could swear you heard traffic in the background. “Could you let me into your building? I didn't want to buzz, just in case.”

“Oh,” You glanced to the door before slowly standing up. “Uh..yeah, yeah just give me a second.”

You set the cushion down and walked to the door, pushing the button to open the door.

“Come on up, I'll see you in a second.”

You ended the call, taking a step back from the door and clutching your phone. When there was a knock at your door you took a second before opening it.

“Hey, come in,” You stepped aside, giving a quick glance out to the hall before closing the door and turning to Carmy.

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Of course,” Carm nodded, rubbing his cheek. “I uh..I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was going to offer you ride home but I thought I might be being too much and you would be uncomfortable which is fair then I couldn't stop thinking about you and I thought I should-”

You held up your hand with a smile, tilting your head slightly.

“I'm glad you're here. I probably would have ended up calling you anyway so..it's fine. I'm just trying to find a movie, I'm open to suggestions.”

An hour later, you were sitting on the couch with your head on Carm's shoulder, his arm around your waist. You were only half focused on the movie, too busy enjoying Carm's presence after isolating yourself for a week. Cuddling up to him wouldn't help you dissolve your feelings but you were willing to overlook that, given recent events.

“Damn,” Carm murmured softly, his hand gently stroking your waist. “I guess they'll have to take down the government after all.”

“What?” You raised a brow, looking over to him.

“I knew you weren't paying attention,” Carmy laughed softly, looking at you with a grin.

“Oh shut up,” You rolled your eyes playfully. “it's not my fault it can't hold my attention. Got other things on my mind.”

“Yeah,” Carm nodded, clearing his throat and looking up for a moment. “I uh..I wanted to ask, how are you feeling after..after tonight?”

You thought about it for a moment, looking over to the TV and letting out a soft sigh.

“I feel like it was some kind of surreal dream. I don't hear so much as a whisper for months, almost a year, then suddenly he's just there..but I really appreciate what you did,” You looked back to Carmy, gently touching his arm. “I hate that you had to get involved in my drama but..thank you.”

“Don't mention it,” Carm looked back to you. “I wasn't going to stand back and let it happen. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve..I don't know, the universe.”

“The universe?” You repeated, smiling softly. “That's a lot to handle but..if I'm deserving of it I guess I'll learn to handle the responsibility.”

“That's my girl,” Carm smiled, and you felt a knot twist in your stomach at how much the words made your heart leap. “You deserve it and more.”

“Could you..could you not say that?” You murmured softly, taking a deep breath and feeling guilty when Carm immediately looked like he'd regretted everything he'd ever done.

“It wasn't bad, I just..I want you to say those things but I also don't because it's just going to give me more feelings for you and I really can't even handle the ones I already have so..”

“You have feelings for me,” Carm murmured softly, and you weren't sure whether it was a question or a statement, looking away from him. “I..I had no idea. I mean, I didn't think you hated me but..you were so distant this week I thought I'd done something to you.”

“No, never,” You insisted, trying not to cry at how badly you felt you were handling the situation. “I just thought I could get rid of my feelings if I wasn't around you so much, that's all.”

“Why didn't you just tell me?” Carm asked softly, his hand on your waist feeling more prominent. “Am I so unapproachable? Oh god, am I unapproachable? That's it isn't it? You thought I would like flip out or something, and I swear I never would, not at you, ever.”

“I know,” You nodded, looking back at him. “I just..I didn't want to make things awkward. I'm not in high school, I don't want to act like I am. I may as well have gotten Syd to pass you a note from me, check the box if you like me kinda vibe.”

“Don't you want to know if I would have ticked the box?” Carm asked, his tone gentle. “Because I would have. Every time.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head and looking up.

“Damn, guess I should have sent you the none then hm?”

“Well there's still time,” Carm smiled as you looked back at him. “Though I can't guarantee Syd wouldn't just chuck it in the trash. You know when you started she told me not to fall in love with you because the restaurant needs you more than I do?”

“Good thing you didn't then,” You smiled, leaning in a little closer and resting your hand on Carm's cheek. “I can stay.”

You leaned in and closed the gap between you, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He hesitated for a moment before kissing you back, surging forward.

Your arms wrapped around Carm's neck as he eased you onto your back, the kiss deepening. All the stress of the evening melted away as you felt Carm touch you carefully, smiling into the kiss as you reached for the hem of his white t-shirt and tugged it up.

It didn't like long to have Carm completely stripped, a frown on his face as he looked at you.

“Well this isn't a fair trade.”

“No?” You smiled, picking at your pajama top. “ Well I'm not stopping you leveling the field.”

It took a little longer for you to be stripped, your breath catching in your throat as Carm took his time removing your pajamas, leaving a trail of kisses on your skin as he did. You felt exposed, laying on the couch in your deeply unsexy mismatched bra and panties, but in the most wonderful way.

“Still not quite even,” You smiled softly, reaching out to gently stroke Carm's cheek and beaming when he leaned down to kiss you, his hand gripping your waist.

“You're right,” Carm murmured softly, pulling back and meeting your eyes. “It's not fair.”

He sat back, his hand slowly moving down to grip the waistband of your panties. You kept your eyes on him as he slowly peeled them down your thighs, stopping after a moment.

“Close enough.” He grinned,his hands moving to your thighs and lifting them up. Your breath hitched in your throat as you watched him move between your legs, closing your eyes as he slowly spread your legs, feeling the material of your panties rub against your leg.

“Oh god,” You breathed as you felt Carm lick a stripe along your already soaked folds, his hands gripping your thighs and holding you in place. His movements were achingly slow as he licked you, one of his hands slowly moving along your thigh.

It had been a long while since you'd felt so good, a wave slowly building in your stomach. Any urge to beg for more was dissolved as you felt Carm's finger gently sweep across your entrance, his tongue swirling your clit. You couldn't focus on anything, your hand moving to his curls as he eased his finger into your warm entrance, your eyes clenching shut as moans tumbled from your lips.

By the time he added a second finger you felt like you were ready to fall apart, his tongue moving slowly but precisely, exactly where you needed without having to tell him.

“Oh, fuck,” You moaned as you felt yourself get closer to the edge, your free hand clamping over your forehead. “Please..I..ohh my god..”

You felt your eyes roll back into your head, your breath catching in your throat as you came, feeling like you could see stars.

You wasted no time in pulling Carm up to you, tasting yourself on his lips and letting out a moan at the sensation. He pulled at your bra straps, tugging down your bra and rolling your nipple between his thumb and finger.

“Please,” You murmured against his lips, your forehead hot against his. “Fuck me, now, please..”

“Are you sure?” Carm asked, giving you another kiss as he moved his hand down between your legs, a moan escaping you as he touched your sensitive pussy.

“We can go to your bed, or wait, or..”

“Carm,” You breathed, opening your eyes and looking at him. “Please..I can't wait. I'm on the pill, it's fine, just..please.”

He met your gaze, a look in his eyes you hadn't seen before that had you soaked even more instantly.

“Use your words,” He murmured softly, two fingers pushing back into you as you moaned. “What does my girl want?”

“Oh god,” You groaned, wanting to stay in the moment forever. “I want..I want you to fuck me, now.”

“Anything my girl wants,” Carm grinned, slowly easing his fingers out of you and replacing them with his thick cock, another moan escaping you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your legs hooked around his waist, wanting him as close as possible.

You felt like everything fell away around you as Carm moved slowly, getting you used to the feel of him, before he was pulling you up into his lap, his lips wrapping around your hard nipple as your nails dug into your shoulders, his hands on your waist encouraging you to set the pace.

By the time the two of you were laying on the couch, catching your breath with your arms lazily draped around each other, you wondered when you'd last been so unbearably happy.

“I'll understand if you immediately run away when I say this,” You looked over to Carm with a smile. “But.

I love you.”

He looked over to you, a wide smile on his face as he moved closer, his arm wrapping firmly around your waist.

“I love you too. Which is a shame, I guess. Gotta find a new hostess now.”

“Yeah, sucks to be you,” You grinned, moving your hand into Carm's hair. “Though before you fire me could you help me fulfill this little fantasy I have of fucking my boss at work?”

“I guess I could,” Carm grinned, leaning in to place a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Let's get in some more practice shall we?”

#the bear #the bear 🐻#the bear fic #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmen berzatto x reader #request #we got there eventually

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slut4thebroken · 1 year ago

Text

bite me

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jason Todd x vampire!reader

Summary | Jason is an annoying little shit who likes to tease you.

Warnings | Sexual content, 18+, cutting? (barely), blood drinking, oral (male receiving), face fucking, vaginal fingering, hand job, praise, degradation w a sprinkle of humiliation, flirting, kissing, grinding, bad puns.

Words | 4.7 k

Notes | Idk I had a vision one day and this is what came of it. (Also this is part 29373928 of me not being able to find a good gif/pic for Jay 😔)

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

You’ve never been an optimist. Ever since you can remember, you’ve had a glass half empty view of the world. There’s no specific reason why, that’s just how you are. Which is why if someone told you you’d be working with crime fighting vigilantes, you would’ve laughed in their face.

People are bad. That’s what you’ve learned so far in your 40 years of life. People are bad and there’s no saving them. “That doesn’t mean we can’t save the good ones from the bad.” He had said. “What good ones?” You asked, but the more you thought about it, the more you understood what he meant.

That’s how you found yourself working with the bat. Or more specifically, the bat boys. Mostly Dick and Jason though.

Mostly Jason.

You tried not to think too hard about that. When you first met, you just clicked. His energy was a near perfect match for yours. That’s not to say you don’t like the other bat boys… Jason’s just different. He’s Jason.

“So you like- drink people’s blood? Or…” That was the first thing he said to you.

“I try not to. But stealing blood bags is a hassle and I love animals too much to do that. I mostly try to hold off for as long as possible so I don’t have to feed as often. That makes me weaker though.” And Bruce couldn't have a weak vigilante underling, so he arranged for you to have a fully stocked fridge of blood bags. You didn’t ask where or how he got them. You can get anything if you have enough money.

“How old are you?” You didn’t mind his curiosity, it’s a natural reaction. After all, it's not everyday people meet a vampire. But you’ve always hated this question in particular. It’s embarrassing. When people think of vampires they think of 100+ year olds. Not someone who’s literally younger than their parents.

“40.”

“How old were you when you turned?”

“20.”

Another reason you and Jason click so well is because of shared trauma. Kind of… You both died. His death was a lot worse than yours and at least you came out of it with abilities, rather than enhancements, but it was nice finally knowing someone who gets it. Most people can’t fathom what it would be like to die and come back to life so they don’t understand how bad it can actually be.

And then there was the flirting. It was less flirting and more just him driving you up the wall to be honest. But either way you loved it. You’d never tell him that though.

It started with more casual jokes like “Are those fangs or are you just happy to see me” and asking if you wanted to “get a bite to eat.” But obviously, because it’s Jason, the more comfortable you got with each other, the more sexual they became.

“What kind of sex do vampires like?” He was trying to hide his smirk and you just rolled your eyes, not acknowledging him. “Vein-illa.” You scoffed and his smirk widened. “What, you don’t like it?”

“No, Jason. I don’t. You’re not funny.” You feigned seriousness but you knew he knew you didn’t mean it.

Another time, he walked into the living room where you were sitting, sipping on a blood bag and reading a book. He sat down next to you and you could feel his eyes on you.

“Is it true what they say about lady vampires?” He asked and you raised your brows as you looked at him with a deadpan expression. “That they really know how to suck.”

Rolling your eyes, you muttered, “Bite me.” Which instantly proved to be a mistake as it gave him another way to tease you.

“I thought that was your thing?” He smirked and you considered moving your foot to kick him in the head. “Come on, don’t be such a sucker. It’s just a joke.”

“Jason,” Your voice was eerily calm, “if you say one more vampire pun, I will rip your throat out so you can’t talk anymore.”

“Not even just one more? To really hit the nail on the coffin.” You slammed your book shut and glared at him as you stood up.

“Come on, babe. I’m just teasing.” He smirked and you started walking away, but he grabbed your wrist and yanked you backwards, making you fall on top of him with your back pressed to his front. “Don’t be mad. Please?” He said lowly, against your ear, making you shiver.

“You’re so annoying, you know that?” You mumbled, settling into your position. He let out a low chuckle and moved his hands to run up and down your thighs.

“Yeah but you love it.”

“Do I now?” Against your will, your voice was turning breathless because of the prolonged proximity.

“Oh definitely.” His hands gravitated toward your inner thighs, but he kept up the motions. “Just like you love me. It was love at first bite.” You groaned in annoyance and moved to stand, but his grip on your thighs tightened and he pulled you back onto his lap.

“Jason,” You warned, trying to sound threatening, “if you don’t let me go, I will rip your throat out.”

“Why? You don’t like being in my lap?” He teased and you huffed.

“No.” You gritted, trying to ignore the way you could smell his arousal and how that made you want to grind your ass back against his dick.

“I think you’re lying, babe.”

“Stop calling me babe. That’s like the worst pet name you could pick.”

Only a week later, you were standing in front of the fridge as you chugged a blood bag. You didn’t really need one yesterday, but today you did so much training that you felt like you were going to collapse any second now.

“I'll let you suck me dry.” You could hear the smirk in his voice as he walked in.

“Shut up.” You muttered, just barely pulling away long enough to get the words out. He chuckled and moved toward you, making you step back the closer he got. When you hit the counter, he placed both hands on either side of your body, caging you in.

You finally finished the blood bag and pulled it away from your mouth, wiping the blood that had dripped onto your bottom lip. When you looked up at him, you found his gaze on your lips for only a second before it moved up to your eyes.

“That’s not very nice, princess. I’m just making a proposal, no need to be so rude.” He said, making you raise your brows.

“A proposal? To what, suck your dick? Hard pass.” You scoffed and tried to push past him, but his grip was unmoving on the counter. You could move him… technically. But… you’re enjoying the game.

“That’s exactly what I’m proposing.” He grinned, making you roll your eyes.

“And why would I do that?” Your confidence never wavered, even as your cheeks started to grow warm.

“Because you like sucking. It’s not all that different, really.”

“No?”

“Nope.”

“What, so anyone who drinks with a straw automatically likes sucking dick? How do you even know I’m not lesbian.” That made him chuckle lowly.

“Princess, you’re not lesbian.” He condescended

“Fuck off.” You groaned, pushing his chest lightly. He retaliated by moving his body forward until he was completely flush against you.

“One of these days I’m gonna fuck that attitude right out of you.” He growled and you swallowed thickly as you watched his eyes darken.

“I’d like to see you try.” You said through a breath.

“I’m sure I will soon.” He smirked, then just walked away from you.

“Do you even like the blood bags?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. They’re not bad… they’re just- it’s like a freshly made pizza versus reheated pizza, you know?”

“Do you want the fresh stuff?”

“Obviously,” You laughed dryly, “but the first and only time I did that, I killed them. So it’s not worth it.” You tried not to focus too much on the memory.

“What if you drank from me?” Your eyes widened as you replayed his words in your head, making sure you heard him right.

“What? No- did you not hear what I just said?”

“You won’t kill me.” He scoffed a laugh and you just stared at him.

“Jason, I’m serious. I can’t control it. And plus, it’s… a lot more- um… erotic, than media makes it out to be.”

“Even better.” His lips curled into a smirk and you felt your cheeks grow warm.

“I still can’t control myself.”

“I think you can. You need to give yourself more credit. What were the circumstances of the last time you drank from someone?”

“It was a few hours after I… woke up, so to speak.”

“That’s completely different. You were starving and barely even knew what was happening. You had a blood bag yesterday and have spent 20 years controlling yourself. Here, I’ll prove it.”

“What?” Before you even finished asking, he was taking a small knife out of his pants. “What are you doing?” You asked nervously, watching as the knife flipped open and he presented his arm.

“Relax, babe.” He brought the blade down to his arm and you stiffened.

“Jason, don’t-“ You cut yourself off with a sharp breath when the scent immediately engulfed you. He removed the knife and you watched a drop of red trail down his arm.

You could feel yourself turning- your eyes changing color and fangs coming out. You squeezed your eyes shut and dug your nails into the palms of your hands.

“Jason…” Your voice was a strained whisper, then you felt his thumb on your lips. Your eyes snapped open as your chest heaved at the scent of his blood right in front of your face.

“It’s okay.” He said quietly, his gaze moving between your eyes and mouth. You couldn’t help it anymore when your lips closed around the digit. Letting out a low groan, your eyes fluttered shut as you sucked his thumb into your mouth more, careful to avoid your fangs.

“How’re you feeling?” His voice broke you from your haze and he removed his thumb, making you whimper.

“More.” You whined, reaching for his arm. He let you take it and watched as your mouth closed around the small cut.

You’d forgotten what fresh blood tastes like. It’s like a cold glass of water when you wake up in the middle of the night. Or a dessert that’s so good, it makes it feel like your mouth it’s having an orgasm.

Your grip on his arm tightened considerably and distantly you heard him wince but he didn’t pull away. The cut was small enough that the amount of blood you got was basically like a shot. And you wanted a full glass.

Your fangs grazed his skin as you panted, getting ready for more. But before you could bite, his free hand grabbed a fistful of hair and he roughly pulled your head away. You whined and sat up on your knees as you tried moving his arm to your mouth but he just tightened his grip and pulled your head back until you were almost looking at the ceiling.

“Please.” If you weren’t so blood drunk, you would've been embarrassed about how whiny your voice sounds. He said your name in a warning and you finally looked at his eyes. The color was almost completely gone because of how dilated his pupils were.

“Don’t be greedy.” The way he reprimanded you was infantilizing. But god if it didn’t make you even needier.

“I need more.” You whimpered. Your mouth was still watering as you panted, desperate to get your mouth back on him. “Please, Jay. You taste so good, please I- I need more.”

“What did I just say?” You let out a choked sob as your hunger rivaled your need for his praise and approval.

“I- I promise I won’t take too much. Just- I just… please.” You cried, practically on top of him now. He removed his hand from your hair and helped you settle on his lap, then placed it on your neck. Your head felt even lighter as he tightened his grip and you couldn’t deny that not only were you drunk on blood but you were drunk on him too.

“Baby… Look at you. So fucking desperate for just a drop. I bet you’d do anything for it, wouldn’t you?” He cooed, the condescending tone flying right over your head. You nodded eagerly and he let out a low chuckle.

“You poor thing. If only there was something I wanted in return…” He pretended to think and you whined once you caught on to what he meant.

“I’ll- I’ll do it.”

“Don’t just say that because you want more blood.”

“No I- I want to. I have wanted to.” His smirk returned.

“Yeah? You were just playing hard to get, is that it?” You hummed in agreement and nodded.

“God I want to so bad.” You groaned. “I can- I can smell you and it’s making me so fucking wet.”

“The smell of my blood makes you wet?” He was teasing you, but there was still a hint of surprise in his voice.

“No- no… I can smell how-“ You let out an embarrassed whine and closed your eyes.

“Tell me, baby.”

“I can smell how turned on you are. And it’s driving me fucking crazy— I can barely think.” He stiffened and you opened your eyes to find him looking at you in shock with pink cheeks.

“Have you always been able to smell that?” He asked quietly and you bit your lip as you nodded.

“It always smells so fucking good. You smell good normally but that just— god I think it’s my favorite scent.” You don’t know why you’re saying all of this. You’d normally be too shy, but something is just making you want to confess everything to him.

“That’s so fucking hot.” He groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. The sight of his neck bared to you made your hips buck forward into his as your mouth watered and your mind went blank. He opened his eyes to find your gaze on his neck and you watched as he swallowed thickly. You could practically hear the blood rushing through his veins.

“You look like you want to eat me.” He chuckled nervously.

“I do.” You whispered, bringing your hand up to drag a finger over his pulse. His breathing grew heavier the longer he watched you. When you subconsciously started leaning toward him, his hand tightened on your neck and he pushed you back a little.

You could overpower him. You know you could. Sure he’s a far better fighter than you, but you’re ten times stronger than he is. When you looked into his eyes though, all fight just evaporated from your body. The only thing you wanted was him. In any form you could have him.

You slowly started moving your hips, grinding your cunt on his length over the far too many layers of clothing. He let out a low groan and took his bottom lip between his teeth as he eyed you.

“What do you wanna suck first?” He gruffed, bringing both hands to your hips to guide your movements.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get rid of the fangs in my current state to be honest.” You said through a breath, placing your hands on his shoulders and grinding harder against him as you grew more desperate. “It might be better to do that last anyway cause I wasn’t lying when I said blood drinking is more erotic than what everyone thinks.”

“Okay, princess. Have at it.” He leaned his head back on the couch, baring his throat to you.

“You have to stop me though. I don’t want to take too much.” Despite your desperation, you were still terrified of killing him. He agreed and you slowly moved forward. The closer you got, the stronger the scent became. When your nose brushed the delicate skin, you inhaled deeply and closed your eyes. His grip tightened on your hips and his already fast heart rate increased slightly.

“Your heart’s beating really fast.” You whispered, trying to hold off at least until he replied.

“That’s kind of what happens when I have a hot girl on my lap breathing against my neck.” He chuckled breathlessly, but abruptly cut off with a sharp inhale when your fangs brushed his throat.

Your patience finally ran out and you tried to be as gentle as possible when you bit him, but the second the blood rushed into your mouth, all thoughts of that disappeared. You felt the vibrations against your lips as he let out a deep moan when your teeth pierced his skin. You started sucking now and his grip turned bruising on your hips, but after only a second or two, he thrusted up, meeting your movements halfway.

You whimpered at the constant grinding of his bulge against your clit and the taste of him. God you wanted to taste him forever.

“Fuck…” He said through a moan. You snaked a hand up to his hair and gripped it tightly, holding him against your mouth- not that he was trying to move away.

“God- I feel like I’m about to come.” He whined. By now, he was basically using your body to get himself off, you weren’t moving your hips on your own at all anymore. You moaned in acknowledgement but never removed your mouth, wanting to get as much as he’d let you have.

“Fuck- princess, I’m gonna come if you don’t stop.” While a distant part of you wanted him to come in your mouth instead, you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. Unfortunately, he made that choice for you. He grabbed your hair again and pulled you away from him, making you whine loudly.

“As hot as this is, I’d rather come in your mouth.” He rasped, trying to catch his breath. You nodded absentmindedly, but never removed your gaze from his neck. The sight of a drop of blood trailing down had you moving forward before he could stop you. You licked a stripe up his neck, doing your best to control yourself and not dive back in for more. When you reluctantly pulled back again, he gave you a proud smile, making your stomach flutter.

“Think you can get rid of ‘em now?” You nodded and closed your eyes, trying to focus. It took a moment, but once you started focusing on the scent of his arousal rather than his blood, it was pretty easy. Opening your eyes, you gave him a small smile and he pulled you closer, pressing his lips to yours. You gasped but quickly recovered and kissed him back, melting into him and pulling on his hair, trailing your other hand up to rest on his shoulder. His kiss was bruising, but you loved it all the same. When he pulled back, he pressed his forehead against yours, both of your breaths fanning across the other’s face.

“Why the fuck does that feel so good?” He finally asked, both of you releasing breathy laughs.

“I have no clue but I’m glad it does.” You pulled back a few inches so you could look at him. “Now if you don’t mind, I believe you promised me something else to suck on.” You smirked and he raised his brows.

“Wow, a little blood straight from the source and now you’re eager for it, huh? I’ll keep that in mind.” He smirked, making your cheeks heat up. “How ‘bout you show me just how eager you are?” You looked at him with furrowed brows, trying to understand what he meant, even though you were pretty sure you already knew. “Go on, baby. Beg for it.” Your entire face and neck flushed at that.

“You’re pushing your luck.” You narrowed your eyes, playfully.

“See, I don’t think I am.” He raised his brows again, as if he was waiting for a protest that you both knew would never come. “Go ahead, then I’ll give you what you want.” You bit your lip, your pride and neediness waging a war inside you.

“Please.” You muttered, bored.

“Not convinced.” He shrugged, making you glare at him.

“You’re the one who wanted me to do this in the first place!”

“Really? Because I remember you saying you’re the one who “wants it” and “has wanted it.’” He smirked and you clenched your jaw with a huff.

“Please can I suck you off.” You tried to put a little more emotion into it.

“Suck what?” You let out an annoyed groan and rolled your eyes.

“Your cock. I wanna suck your cock… please.” You mumbled, not being able to meet his gaze.

“There we go,” He cooed mockingly, “that wasn’t so hard was it?” You scowled, making him chuckle. Sliding off of him, you landed on your knees between his legs. You eyed his bulge and bit your lip, not being able to control your thighs squeezing together. He placed his hands behind his head and settled into the couch with a smirk.

“Keep looking at me like that and I’ll bite it.” You growled, making his smirk widen.

“Just admiring the view.” Ignoring him, you reached up to undo his pants, then tentatively freed his cock. He really did look like he was about to come any second now. The tip was so red it almost looked painful and you watched as it twitched in your grip, desperate for more stimulation.

Slowly leaning down, you licked the bead of precum on the top as you looked up at him through your lashes, making him let out a low groan.

“Fuck my face.” You whispered, breath fanning his cock.

“Fuck- are you sure?” Even though you didn’t answer yet, his hand was still making its way to your hair, running his fingers through it before gripping lightly.

“Yes.” He didn’t need any more convincing. Wrapping your lips around the head of his cock, you swirled your tongue around it as you waited for him to start. He all but whimpered as he slowly pushed you down his length, not stopping until your lips reached the base. You watched his chest heave as he moved his other hand to join the one already in your hair. He adjusted his grip, then started moving you up and down his length.

When he threw his head back with a low moan, you eyed the remaining blood that was starting to drip down his neck. Even though you wanted nothing more than to taste him again, you had to force your thoughts elsewhere before your fangs reappeared.

He started moving your head faster now, still pushing you all the way down, despite your light gagging and choking. It wasn’t long before he was holding your head still and thrusting up into your mouth, bucking his hips wildly as he chased his orgasm.

“Shit- I’m not gonna last,” He said through a moan, only thrusting a few more times before pushing your head all the way down and holding you there. You felt hot come hitting the back of your throat and you let out a garbled moan, making him whimper.

Fucking whimper.

That made you push a hand down your underwear and start rubbing fast circles on your clit. Which he seemed to appreciate, since it made you moan around his length again. His sounds died down until he sagged into the couch, chest heaving. His grip on your hair relaxed and you slowly pulled off of him, making sure to swallow any remaining come that didn’t immediately make its way down your throat.

“Jay,” You whined, voice raspy and needy. He opened his eyes and looked down at you, then trailed his gaze down your body. Even though him watching was making you nervous, you couldn’t stop touching yourself. “Please.”

“What are you begging for, princess?” He gave you a sleepy smile and stroked your hair gently.

“Wanna come.” You whimpered, leaning into his touch.

“Yeah?” All you could do was nod. “You poor thing.” He cooed, cupping your cheek before pulling you up to straddle his legs. His hands rubbed up and down your thighs teasingly, making you whine.

“Please.” You gave him your best puppy dog eyes and it wasn’t long before he folded. He brought his hand to the apex of your thighs and lightly brushed his fingers over your clothed heat. Your breath hitched as your hips bucked into his touch and you were about to tell him to hurry up but his hand was already making its way inside your pants and underwear. When he ran two fingers through your dripping folds, he cursed under his breath.

“Sucking my cock did this?” He asked breathlessly. All you could do was whine and nod. “Or was it sucking my blood…” His fingers just barely brushed over your hole and your clit, teasing you.

“Both.” You whined, hips squirming. “Jay, c’mon.” Before you could even finish those two words, he was inserting a finger. You choked on a gasp and brought your hands up to hold on to his shoulders. He moved it fast inside you as the heel of his hand stimulated your clit and you could already feel yourself nearing your orgasm.

You squeezed your eyes shut, head falling forward as you panted and moaned. When you opened your eyes, you were met with the sight of his cock, still wet from your mouth, getting hard again. So you moved your hand down and grasped it, immediately stroking to bring him back to full hardness.

“Shit— fuck, princess… Sensitive,” He gasped out, hips bucking up into your hand despite his words. You raised your head to look at his face and almost moaned at his expression. His brows were furrowed, mouth open in a silent moan, eyes dark and half lidded.

“I wanna come…” You whispered, biting your bottom lip and stroking his cock faster. When he pushed a second finger inside, you whimpered, grinding down on his hand.

“I bet you do.” He said, trying and failing to hide the smirk growing on his lips.

“Jay,” you whined, almost obnoxiously, “please.”

“I dunno… doesn’t really seem like you want it that bad.” He shrugged, fingers picking up the pace.

“I do! Please let me come, I need it.” He let out a low chuckle and raised his brows.

“You need it, huh?” You replied with a whimper and a nod. “Okay, princess. Since you need it so bad, go ahead.” He smirked. You all but breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.” You whispered, closing your eyes to ready yourself.

“Look at me.” Your eyes opened, wondering why he was prolonging it. “Good girl. I want you to keep your eyes on me as you come, understand?” You clenched around his fingers at the praise and agreed. You did your best to focus on stroking his cock so he could maybe come with you, but as you neared the edge, it became increasingly more difficult. Your eyes flickered between his face and his cock, and when you saw the precum beading at the tip, you dragged your thumb over it and lifted it to your mouth, moaning at the taste. He cursed under his breath and moved his fingers even faster inside you.

When you finally fell over the edge, you squeezed your eyes shut, but quickly opened them again when you remembered his words. His fingers never even faltered as your walls fluttered around them. When you started unconsciously humping his hand to get the most of your orgasm, you felt his cock twitch in your hand and you looked down, finding spurts of come shooting out, landing on his shirt and your hand. You whimpered at the sound of his moans, feeling your fading arousal start to return.

When his fingers slowed to a stop, you did the same with your hand, then let go of his softening length. You winced when he slid his fingers out, but your lips parted when he sucked your arousal off of them, letting out an exaggerated moan at the taste.

“Stop being a tease.” You frowned, making him smirk.

“You love it.”

You just rolled your eyes, biting your lip to hide your smile.

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd smut #jason todd x reader smut #vampire!reader

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chaoticharrington · 6 months ago

Text

Chapter Three: Queer Panic and Smutty Books

***BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER THERE IS GOING TO BE SEX,BDSM,AND OTHER GENERAL NSFW THINGS IF YOU ARE A MINOR OR A BLANK BLOG OR A BLOG WITH NO AGE PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT,IF I SEE IT, YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED! THANKS<3***

Pairing: Professor! Steve Harrington x Best Friends Dad! Eddie Munson x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Angst, Steve being sad, Robin being awkward, Eddie being sexy as hell, kissing, cum eating, blow jobs, oral female receiving, major dirty talk, Dom! Eddie, masterbation, voyerism (if i've missed any lemme know), Eddie and Steve are in their early to mid 40s, reader is in her mid 20s

Summary: Eddie takes you out on a proper date, and you have some words with Steve

Authors Note: YAYYYY THE SMUT HAS COMMENCEDDDD! i'm sorry this took so long to upload, I genuinely was having major writers block writing the smut for some reason, plus I just wanted it to be perfect for you guys! Anyways ENJOY :D 8k words

**Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Four Chapter Five**

(banners and headers by @cafekitsune)

You could get lost in this man’s lips forever, constantly intertwined. He kissed you like a man starved, like his life depended on every kiss. He tasted like whiskey, you didn’t even like whiskey that much, but you couldn’t care less. You want him, you want him in such a primal way that you huff when he finally breaks off the kiss and touches his forehead to yours.

“Slow down there tiger” he breathes as his chest rises harshly up and down trying to catch his breath. You huff in protest, trying and failing to pull him back into a kiss with your arms still around his neck. But Eddie is too strong, he pulls your arms from around his neck and holds your wrists in one of his hands and holds your chin with the other.

“If we’re gonna do this I wanna do it right, kay?”, he says, nuzzling his nose against yours. You look at him confused, unsure of what he means by that, head still clouded with lust and want.

“Do it right?”, you question him. He smirks at you like you’re oblivious and missing something obvious. He runs his thumb over your lips while he explains.

“Well..If we’re going to do this...us.. together. I want to take you out on a proper date, you can pick where we go. But I want to show how you deserve to be treated. That alright with you?” he proclaims.

You bite your lip to hide the smile that was threatening to spill out and nod your head in excitement. This was really happening, with him. With Eddie fucking Munson.

“Good girl”, he coos, looking at your lips again like a lion hunting its prey. And you almost give in, and let him kiss you, touch you, fuck you. But Eddie was right, you wanted to see what it felt like to be treated like a woman, like someone desirable.

So, instead you groan and put your head into his chest, inhaling his scent. He smelled like cigarettes and leather, you breathed in deeper like a woman starved.

“You’re making it really fucking hard here mister”, you groan into his chest. His laugh vibrating his chest making you look up to see the smile on his face, eliciting a smile on your face too.

There he is.. there’s my Eddie... MY Eddie

“I didn’t know being a gentleman was considered a crime nowadays,” he taunted, his eyes twinkling under the light of the kitchen. You roll your eyes.

Oh yeah, he’s still Eddie

“No not that Eds... what you said AFTER that” you said your voice faltering at the end, your cheeks turned a light shade of pink, unable to utter the actual words “Good girl” out loud.

Eddie raises his eyebrows, clearly amused by your sudden shyness after basically eating his face off. “Oooohhh you mean when I called you a good girl?” he asks knowingly.

You look down at Eddies feet, unable to look him in the eyes, your cheeks surely bright red by this point. Eddie’s hand that’s still resting on your chin, forces you to look at him again.

“So easy to fluster, this is gonna be fuunn,” he taunts lowly, giving you a quick kiss on your lips. You whine against his lips indignantly.

The two of you spend the rest of the night entwined on the couch, alternating between kissing each other or how the two of you usually were; just laughing and talking about life.

You felt so free, like part of you that you had left in a cage long ago was starting to flap its wings. At some point the talking and kissing ceased and the both of you fell asleep entangled together on the couch. As you were falling asleep, you genuinely thought that you had never been this comfortable in your life.

You woke up in the middle of the night with a gasp, waking Eddie up too, making him fall off the bed with a thud.

“Gawd princess you gotta warn a fella, I’m not invincible like the young bucks you’ve been with before” he says sleepily, rubbing an ache out of the small of his back.

You giggle at him and look at the time on the clock, 5:04 am, you sigh in relief, still time to sneak back into Violet’s room and get some sleep before she wakes up for work.

“I can’t believe we fell asleep on the couch” you whisper, trying not to make too much noise as you get off the couch. You were young, but no one’s back feels good after sleeping on the couch.

“I was just so comfy, with you laying on me.” Eddie admits.

“Me too,” You reply sheepishly, now fully awake you remember the events that transpired not a few hours ago.

You help Eddie up off the floor, he immediately wraps his arms around you. You hum into his touch, appreciating how natural this already feels to you. He kisses the top of your head and then lifts your head up with both of his hands and kisses your lips firmly.

This time he moans into the kiss, hearing him sets your skin on fire. You squirm out of his arms to look at his face to make sure it was real, that this is really happening.

He looks back at you scanning your face for any doubt but finds none and smiles idly at you.

“I should probably go back to Violet’s room,” you voice.

He does a dramatic frown and pouting noise, before kissing you one last time.

“Just need one more for the road,” he teases, eventually releasing you.

The two of you walk up the stairs together, holding hands the entire way, parting at the top of the stairs to go your separate ways. You feel giddy, never having felt this way before.

You get one last peak at him before he goes into the master bedroom at the other end of the hallway. You touch the doorknob to Violet’s room and turn it slowly. Trying to make as little noise possible in hopes of not waking her up. You slide under the covers soundlessly. Staring up at your best friend’s ceiling.

What the fuck am I doing?

Violet turns over in her sleep and rests her arm over your chest, completely unaware of what transpired between you and her dad. You take a deep breath in, willing yourself to calm down so you can sleep.

Deciding that future you, would think more about this tomorrow, right now you just wanted to bask in the fact that Eddie Munson kissed you.. and now he wants to take you out on a date.

You wake up to the sound of Violets work alarm, you hear groaning next to you as Violet wakes up to turn the alarm off. She sits up and rubs the sleep out of her eyes.

“Good Morning babe,” she says tiredly.

You smile, she looks so much like her dad, her deep brown eyes, her infectious smile, even how her eyes look when she’s just woken up. Little things you never noticed before because you tried so hard not to think about her Eddie. But now you can’t not see it, not after last night.

“Morning,” you mutter, still waking up yourself.

You sit up in bed, you’re exhausted, between the emotional rollercoaster of a day you had yesterday and staying up late with Eddie, it feels like you’ve gotten almost no sleep.

“What’s that?” Violet asks, pointing at you.

“What’s what Vi?” you look at her curiously.

“Is-is that a hickey on your neck?” she asks a bit louder.

You cover your neck faster than a flash of lighting, you were so caught up in the moment with Eddie yesterday you weren’t even thinking about whether or not him kissing and nibbling on your neck would leave marks.

Violet moves your hand away to get a better look at your hickey, you try to fight her off, but she pins your hands with her legs, stuck in her grasp. Your decisions from last night suddenly becoming very very real and very scary. You wanted to tell Violet eventually about you and Eddie. But not right now, not before you’ve even had your first date.

“Damn... He kissed you like that and still rejected you. What a fucking prick, I was so caught up in helping you yesterday I didn’t see this last night” she says still admiring your hickey.

Relief floods your system, Violet assumes you got the hickey from Steve. Why wouldn’t she? She has no reason not to trust you, until now.

“Yeah, that’s why I was so embarrassed” you lied, you fucking hated lying to her, but you’d tell her when you were ready; And the timing just wasn’t right.

“Give me his address so I can kick his ass, better yet give me the name of the Dean so I can get him fired for using you like that,” she retorts.

“No Vi it’s really okay, I’m only going to be in his class for a couple more months and then I won’t have to see him ever again,” you reply.

Violet nods seemingly satisfied with your answer and got off you. You watch her as she gets out of bed and starts to get ready for work, quickly concealing the hickey Eddie gave to you the night before. You really do have the best friend in the entire world.

Even with everything that happened with you and Eddie, your interaction with Steve still really stung. Remembering what happened, felt like a pit was sitting in your stomach. Thinking back on it you don’t blame him for how he reacted, he’s your professor, he could lose his job if the wrong person found out about the two of you.

You do regret how you reacted to him though, you’re not usually one that is quick to anger, but you just felt so rejected by him. Maybe you would apologize to him after class, you hoped he would accept your apology.

Violet lets you borrow some of her clothes and the two of you get ready for the day in her room. You do some light make up, while Violet fixes her hair.

“Fuck where is it?” You see Violet searching around in one of her drawers looking for something.

“Do you mind running to the bathroom for me and seeing if my hairspray is in there?” she asks.

You nod and head out into the hallway, looking at the stairs that you walked up last night hand in hand with Eddie. You can’t help but smile lightly at the memory.

You walk down the hall to the bathroom and go to open the door. But as you reach for the handle it swings open. Coming face to face with a shirtless Eddie, wearing only a towel around his waist.

You lips go into an “O” shape at the sight of him, your panties practically dropping to the basement floor. He smiles widely at you, looking at Violets door and then scooping you up into a kiss. You soften into his grip, glad that he hadn’t changed his mind about the two of you since sleeping.

“Mornin’ m’lady” he smiles into your hair.

“Morning Eds” you say as you kiss him on the cheek because that’s as far as you can reach on your tippy toes. It takes every atom in your body to not jump him right there in broad daylight with Violet in the other room. He beams at the nickname, giving you another swift kiss.

“Did you find it?!” Violet yells from the other room.

Both of your eyes go wide, and Eddies hands drop to his sides at the sound of his daughter. He winks at you before leaving to go to his room. Your head now dizzy after kissing Eddie, you scramble through the bathroom drawers to find what Violet needed, and running back to her room before she went looking for you.

The rest of the morning continuing with business as usual, the three of you eat breakfast together, courtesy of Eddie. He made French toast and bacon, and he put whip cream smiley faces on all the French toast stacks.

Violet announces that she’s spending the following weekend at Quinns, because they were going to have a Lord of The Rings marathon, something they both take very seriously. Violet leaves soon after to go to work, while you and Eddie both take your time finishing your food.

“So next weekend then?” Eddie questions, with a mischievous smile.

You look up at him from your plate, “Can’t wait,” you confess.

He looks down at his food again, pushing his food around his plate with his fork like a child. His eyebrows are knit together like he’s thinking really hard.

“You alright over there old man?” you joke, nudging him with your foot under the table.

He looks up at you like you broke his concentration, “Yeah, I’m good, I just don’t want you to think that I’m trying to keep you a secret or anything, ya know? I know Violet is grown and what I do with my life isn’t really her business anymore, but I just don’t think I’m ready to tell her yet if that’s okay with you?” he explains.

You look at him kindly and nod, feeling the same way. You hoped that when the both of you did eventually tell Violet that she would at least want the both of you to be happy, even if it took her awhile to get used to it.

You finish breakfast shortly after, needing to stop at your apartment before school to grab some books. You grab all your stuff from Violet’s room, and you’re about to put your stuff in the car before he calls out to you.

“Not so fast princess” turning you around and pinning you against the inside of the front door. Cradling your face in his hands, a sensation you were now very familiar with, dipping down and kissing you fiercely.

“I could get used to this” he whispers into your neck, giving a swift peck before grabbing your bookbag and walking you out to your car. You were so shocked you didn’t know what to say, a guy had never carried anything for you before, you could get used to this too.

“Text me later k?” he asks, you had his number in your phone because technically the two of you work together, but up until this point you had been too chicken to ever text for anything other than necessary for work, and maybe a few memes you thought he’d get a kick out of.

You nod and give him one final kiss, addicted to his lips at this point, and then drive off down the road towards your apartment.

Driving away from the safety of Eddie’s house was making the anxiety in your stomach boil up into your throat. You had to see Steve today and you had to apologize. As much as you didn’t want to go to class and face him, you knew it was the right thing to do. If you wanted to keep your job and work civilly alongside him then you had to.

Before you could even think about Steve, you had a huge paper due on Queer Cinema in your Gender Studies class. Gender studies really was one of your favorite classes that was sure to put you in a good mood before you had to face the music.

Professor Buckley spent a majority of the class showing clips from iconic queer films and discussing the importance of representation in media. She was in the middle of taking about a scene she had just played and why its relevant, when a male student raises his hand.

“Plus, he’s really hot.” he said.

The entire class erupts into laughter, and one of the girls you sit behind in your sociology class chimed in.

“Not hotter than Professor Harrington though!” she giggled, a bunch of other girls and guys from the class agree along with her.

Robin rolling her eyes, “This class is supposed to give me hope for humanity, not swooning over some GUY, and dingus isn’t as hot as you all think. Plus, he’s really into TAs so you’re all out of luck” she says nonchalantly, not knowing that your Steve’s TA.

The room went silent, the only sound you’re able to hear is your heart begging to explode from your chest. The few people that you have in your sociology class look at you in horror, Robin covering her hand with her mouth realizing what she had done.

Your feet move without you thinking, standing up and grabbing your things and fleeing the room as fast as they could take you. You were utterly embarrassed with tears threatening to spill from your eyes for a third time in less than 24 hours. You don’t even know where you’re going until you do, and you’re standing outside of Steve’s classroom. You know he likes to get there early to get everything ready for your class.

You open the door and shut it, Steve jumps at the noise. Lips formed in a tight smile once he realizes that it’s you.

“So do you do this with every one of your TAs then?” you say loudly, hoping it would stop him from hearing the quiver in your voice.

He walks carefully over to you, like you’re a wounded animal ready to pounce. You can’t bare to look at his face, so you look at the floor, blinking vigorously willing the tears back into your eyes.

“What are you talking about?” he says carefully.

“I was just made a fool of in Robins class, because one of the girls thinks you’re hot and she said that you only have a thing for TAs, was all this just a fucking game to you Steve? To get me to like you and then make me feel like an idiot?” You spat at him, looking him in the eyes now so he can see the anger behind them.

Steve sighs loudly and nervously runs his fingers through his hair, his eyes look tired, like he didn’t sleep a wink the night before. “No- I, No that’s not even remotely true, Y/N you have to believe me, nothing like this has ever happened before. This is all uncharted territory for me,” he says tiredly.

“How do you expect me to believe you? After rejecting me the way you did last night, after weeks of flirting with me. You were just toying with me all along, weren’t you? I thought you were better than that!” tears now spilling over your cheeks, conceding in your fight to keep them in.

“Y/N I- Fuck I’m so sorry this is all so fucked up. I didn’t expect anything of this to happen, I shouldn’t have kissed you, I should have waited until you weren’t my student anymore, so it was less complicated. But you have to believe me when I say that my feelings for you are genuine, regardless of how messed up it is. None of this should’ve happened. Please just let me explain and it’ll all make sense,” he begs.

You take a deep breath in and wipe the tears from your eyes, “You are right about one thing Steve, this never should have happened” you seethe.

Steves eyes sadden, and he nods in defeat, knowing he’s lost the battle and you along with it.

“Go find yourself another TA to fuck with Steve because I’m done.” you growl.

You turn your heel and walk out of the room, working alongside Steve was no longer an option. If you didn’t need the credit to graduate you would’ve marched into the student center and drop his class right then and there. But your education was more important than some guy.

The rest of the day happens in a blur, unable to concentrate on any of your classes that day. Your mind constantly just floating aimlessly in the air, if someone coughed to hard in your direction you’d probably float away. Going through the motions of the day, kept you safe, steering clear of all thoughts about Steve was the best course of action for the moment.

You did feel conflicted, your feelings continuing to confuse you. Why were you so upset about this? Your thing with Eddie is so good, the best you ever had, so why are you so upset? It’s all so confusing, you’ve never liked one person as much as you like Eddie, and reluctantly Steve too. Yet it felt so right, like it was the most normal thing in the world, for the short while before the whole thing went to shit.

As much as you are furious with Steve, it also made things easier and less confusing. Now you could just focus on Eddie, and that you didn’t mind at all. You could spend every day of forever with him and it still would never be enough. That’s not to say that thoughts of Steve still didn’t pop up in your mind and dreams, he still was your teacher so you still saw him almost every day. The first few days after the initial shock of what Robin had said were awkward, both in class with Steve and Robin.

Robin was relentless with her apologies, apologizing for it every chance she got.

“I’m so sorry, sometimes I just do this thing where I start talking, and then I don’t know what I’m saying until I say it. It’s like I blackout in the middle of taking and then by the time I realize, the damage has already been done and I’ve put my whole foot in my mouth. I’m so sorry,” she rambles anxiously.

“Its fine really, water under the bridge,” you dismiss her kindly.

You really didn’t blame Robin, it’s not like she knew what was going on between you and Steve, she was just trying to make a joke, a bad joke but a joke, nonetheless.

Steve, on the other hand, went completely silent. His classes were filled with less energy than before. He seemed tired, like he stopped sleeping through the night. His skin seemed less shiny, his eyes no longer bright, and his hair always seemed slightly out of place from anxiously running his fingers through it. Steve was a mess.

You almost felt bad, yes he hurt you, but there was a part inside of you that still cared deeply for the man that you once had a connection with. He didn’t try to talk to you anymore or explain himself after the fight that the two of you had. Just radio silence.

You tried your best not to think about it too hard, plus you had an amazing distraction. It had been about a week since you and Eddie first made plans to go out on a date, with that date now fast approaching only a few days from now. And still stumped as to where your first date should be, maybe you were over thinking it, but you wanted it to be perfect. Your head was swirling with so many different ideas. You wanted to do something unique, that would show him parts of you. You weren’t always the best with your words, but if you could show him parts of yourself maybe he’d understand. You were shaken from your thoughts when your phone buzzed a few times in a row.

“hey”

“heyyy”

“I’m bored and you’re cute call me when you’re free x”

You smile widely at your phone; Eddie always knew how to make every day better. You pick up your phone and dial his number.

“Hi handsome,” you beam into your phone.

“Hey baby, how was your day?” you can hear the smile in his voice

“Eh fine, I’d rather be with you,” you confess.

You really wish you could be with Eddie, but instead you were surrounded by your textbooks swamped with the homework you had this week.

“Then come over here, Violets out, and I have the house to myself,” he asks.

“Can’t, homework,” you sigh.

“You can do your homework here, I won’t distract you. Pinky Promise! Only several thousand kisses that’s it!” he begs. You groan into the receiver, and Eddie retorts with a chuckle knowing that he’s wearing you down.

As convincing as Eddies offer was, and it was really convincing. You wanted to have a good time on your date, you needed to get all this work done to give Eddie your full attention, and not worry about school.

“I don’t trust you mister,” you joke.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t either, but you should still come over anyways,” he retorts.

You laugh at his goofy nature, and that alone almost makes you say yes.

“How bout this princess, I’ll come over there. I’ll sit and read a book or something, and be a good boy while you do your work,” he suggests.

You ponder this over in your head for a minute but who are you kidding, how could you possibly say no to him? Plus, you really only have to revise two papers, shouldn’t take too long.

“Alright alright you win, come on over stinky,” you say with a roll of your eyes.

“Be over soon pretty girl,” he says slyly.

How could you ever say no to Eddie fucking Munson.

You appreciate that Eddie didn’t make it too hard for you to concentrate when he finally showed up at your apartment. He did as he said he would, sitting next to you on your bed, one had rubbing circles on your back and the other holding a book that he was trying to finish.

His touch soothing you, as you rub stress out of your own temples. When you could, sneaking glances at the very beautiful man sitting right next to you. He was dressed down today, hair in a low bun, in a pair of sweatpants and an old Iron Maiden T shirt. He could wear a brown paper bag and he’d still be one of the sexiest men you’ve ever seen. It made the time between today and the date that much more excruciating, Eddie had been very adamant that there would be no funny business prior to the date, which is honestly a surprising amount of self-control for him. It showed he meant business, which you respected. But it was also driving you to the brink of insanity, cursing into the abyss that the universe would give you the prettiest man in the world and not be able to jump his bones. It was a cruel world indeed.

Your insatiable urges aside you could get used to this. Him being here, even if you weren’t talking, his presence soothed and ache inside of you. You also loved that Eddie loves books almost as much as you did, you wouldn’t think by just looking at him. But he had his nose in a book quite often, whether that’s a new DnD manual, researching for a new campaign, or just reading random sci-fi books.

And that’s when it hits you, you know where the two of you are going to go for your date. You look up from your computer screen and look at Eddie. His brows lightly scrunched together, probably reading a thrilling part in his book. He looks at you from the corner of his eye.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer gorgeous. I’m trying to be good here and you’re distracting me,” he taunts, as he flips a page in his book very dramatically.

You roll your eyes at him, if he wasn’t so cute, he’d be the biggest pain in your ass.

“Alright then I guess you just won’t get to know where we go on our date then, fine by me!” you hint.

Then you’re jumped by a mass of dark brown curls and you’re tackled onto the bed.

“Tell me tell me tell me!!!!” he says in between kisses to your cheeks and neck. Giggling uncontrollably, you concede.

“Fine fine, you win! Me and you. Saturday. Coffee shop and bookstore. 12 pm don’t be late Munson.” You reveal with a light kiss to Eddies bottom lip.

Expecting Eddie to continue his shenanigans, his eyes soften a little and he dips down to give you a firm kiss on your lips.

“You’re perfect, ya know that?” he says sincerely.

You roll your eyes at him. He holds your chin in place, the way that makes your breath hitch.

“Nuh uh, don’t be mean to my girl,” he coos.

You blush and kiss him back with the same ferocity, your homework can wait. You spend the rest of the night snuggled up against Eddie while he read his book to you in between the thousands of kisses he promised.

The day the date actually came around you were a fucking mess, you woke up super early, trying to figure out the right outfit to wear. Not that you thought it would matter to Eddie all that much, but it mattered to you. You were something of a perfectionist and you wanted this date to go well.

You decide on a comfy green sweater, a pair of leggings, and black platform combat boots, and your winter jacket. It was getting colder outside, and you were not used to the Indiana winters, you swear you had never seen so much snow in your life.

You were just doing your finishing touches in the mirror when you heard a knock on the door. You can’t contain the smile that spreads across your face as you basically leap to the door in excitement. You swing the door open, and you are face to face with a excited smile that matched yours.

“Hi princess,” he greets you, giving you a light kiss on your lips.

“Hey Eddie,” you smile up at him, even in your platform boots, this man was so much taller than you. It made your heart flutter and your body tingle.

“Ready to go?” he says seductively leaving a more passionate kiss onto your lips, making your legs buckle slightly. The kiss makes you want to abandon the date all together and take him right here on your couch. The week since your first kiss had been grueling, and you wanted more than kisses.

“Yeah, let’s go,” you beam up at him leaving a kiss on his jaw. He moans and you know he’s thinking the same thing as you.

In his car the energy is electrified and nervous, Eddies knee bouncing wildly in the driver’s seat while you fiddle with your hands. Hanging out at his house or your apartment was one thing but going out in public together. On a date, completely different. You just try to remind yourself that it’s still Eddie, the same goof that he was the day before and the day before that.

You go to the local coffee shop in town, he grabs a black coffee which you make fun of him for, making the tension between the two of you, ease. And you get a chai tea, which Eddie makes fun of you for.

“You know that chai is tea in Hindi right? So, you basically just ordered “tea tea”? he snickers.

“Yeah well at least I didn’t order a steaming hot cup of bitter water old man,” you retort as you grab your drinks from the barista.

You hand him his coffee and he pulls you in to leave a kiss on your forehead. The people in front of you look at you inquisitively, and that’s when you realize that the two of you probably look a little odd. A 45ish year-old man and a 25 year-old woman together. Age was never a thing that either of you ever thought too much about in all honesty. Besides the “old man” jabs that you gave him occasionally. Regardless of the age difference between the two of you, you had so much in common that it never seemed that noticeable. You give the couple in front of you a glare and head out the door with Eddie hand in hand.

Any bookstore is the best place on earth, any book you could ever dream of stocked on the shelves, endless possibilities. Plus, the new book smell, is just addicting. Eddie watched in amusement as you picked up every other book reading the backs of them, completely immersed in your own little world. Following along behind you holding your hand or wrapping his arm around your waist, reading the backs of books that look interesting to him. That is until you get to the DnD section, and he becomes the biggest nerd you ever met and it makes you swoon even harder if possible.

After almost looking at every section in the store, the two of you stand in front of the romance section. You had decided before the date that you were going to steer clear from this section to avoid any teasing from Eddie because you basically read porn. Not just porn, porn that would make a grown man clutch his pearls.

But the spicy section had been updated since you had been there last, and you remembered that one of your favorite authors had dropped a new book. You gasp lightly and Eddie looks at you inquisitively.

You walk briskly over to the section of steamy books, searching for the book you were looking for.

“I didn’t really peg you as a girl who likes romance books, I’m intrigued,” he taunts lightly.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me Munson” you say, still looking for the right book. Instead, you find another smutty book that you’ve been meaning to read, one about an older guy owning a BDSM club that a bunch of your online friends were gushing about. You pull that off the shelf and accept the fact that you’re going to have to ask an employee for help to find the book you were looking for.

“Do you mind holding this for me for a sec? I just need to ask an employee for help,” you ask.

Eddie’s eyebrow is upturned in curiosity but takes the book from your hands as you go off to look for an employee. The book was in the “New Releases” section and that’s why you couldn’t find it.

When you finally make your way back to Eddie you look at him in horror, he has the book you asked him to hold for you, open to the middle of the book, smirking like a devil in disguise. He looks up at you before you can defend yourself.

“Princess, you like this stuff? Seems a little intense for a pretty little thing like you,” he says tauntingly under his breath so none of the other patrons can hear you.

You let out an anxious squeal and try to grab the book from Eddies hands, but he’s too quick. He dangles the book easily over your head still reading from the pages.

Your heart is beating so fast threatening to drop into your stomach. What if he thought you were weird and didn’t want to be with you anymore? What if you fucked all of this up before you even started?

“Give it back Eddie I mean it,” you whine, still trying to reach the book in his hand.

“Then tell me you like this kind of stuff, and ill give you the book back right now,” he says still holding the book out of your reach. He leans in really close, his eyes dark with lust. Caging you in against a bookshelf and puts his lips up to your ear.

“Tell me, you get off on reading this stuff, tell me you read this late at night right before bed with your hand down your pants and the book is all yours,” he whispers before backing away to a normal distance, leaving the rest of the customers none the wiser.

You shiver when his breath touches your ear, you have to bite your lip as to not whine out in the middle of the bookstore. If you were needy before the date, nothing compared to how you felt right now. You were an omega about to go into heat, and the only thing that was going to put out the fire brewing in you was Eddie. Your legs threatening to give out below you, you take a deep breath to steady yourself before responding. Eddie patiently awaiting your response, taunting you with his one hand cupped behind his ear.

“I do,” you say meekly.

He gets closer to you, flaunting his size against your frame.

“You do what pretty girl, come on use your words” he coos, caressing you cheek with his thumb.

This time you let a whimper escape and a smile the size of Texas spread across Eddies face. You clear your throat and wet your lips.

“I touch myself when I read them,” you whisper loud enough for only Eddie to hear.

“Good girl baby,” he praises you, rewarding you with a kiss on your cheek.

He grabs the other book from your hands, leading the two of you to the checkout line. You felt like you were floating, you had never been this turned on in your life and Eddie barely touched you.

Then there was the dilemma, that Eddie refused to let you pay for your own books despite your countless protests. You pouted lightly next to him while he paid for your two book and one for himself.

“Don’t worry babycakes, I’ll pay for your porn” he teased with a wink as the two of you walked out of the store. He helped you into his truck, grabbing your waist tightly, making you gasp.

The car ride back to Eddie’s house was intense, both of you feeling the consequences of the little stunt Eddie pulled in the bookstore. Your chest heaving up and down heavily, Eddie holding on to your thigh with one of his hands.

“Do you trust me?” Eddie asks seriously, once the two of you get inside, he helps you shrug off your winter jacket hanging it up for you.

You nod quickly with no hesitation, only admiration in your eyes. You needed this man more than you needed air; did he really expect you to say no? And with final confirmation Eddie takes your hand and leads you up to his bedroom. Your eyes fixating slightly on Violet’s room before forcing her out of your head and focusing on the man in front of you.

He ushers you in, immediately tackling you into a heated kiss, pushing you closer and closer to the edge of his bed until you feel it with the backs of your knees. You inch yourself farther into the middle of his bed pulling him closer, looking up at him through your eyelashes, Eddies eyes are dark looking at you like he’s the hunter and you are his prey. Eddie follows suit incasing your body with his, enveloping your lips again.

But with more urgency, like the first time you kissed in the kitchen. You open yourself up guiding his body between your legs. He thanks you by grinding his bulge against your sweet spot making you gasp. Eddie takes that as an open invitation to slide his tongue into your mouth. Your lips clash together feverously, a mix of lips, tongue, and teeth. You pull back taking his bottom lip in between your teeth. Biting hard enough to elicit a hiss from his mouth.

“Fuckkk,” he groans loudly.

Changing pace, he dips down and starts sucking on your pulse point, sending shivers down your body. Your hips moving on their own rolling into his, the friction making you both moan. You could feel him leaving little bruises all over your neck, your mind too empty to care, having only one thing on your mind now. Him.

You become very aware that Eddie was wearing entirely too much clothing, tugging at the bottom of his shirt, he takes the hint and lifts up to exposed to pale ink decorated skin under his T-shirt. You were in awe of him, grabbing and kissing anywhere and everywhere, wanting to taste every single part of him. His arms were almost completely covered in ink, and most of his chest was covered too. You made a mental note to spend an entire day kissing every single tattoo on his body, but that day was not today.

Eddie wanting the same from you, he starts to pull up the bottom of your shirt, looking into your eyes for the okay. Seeing no protest, he takes it the rest of the way off. If his eyes could bulge out of his head, they probably would have with how wide his eyes got.

“Jesus Christ” he groans as he re-attaches his lips to yours, only to pull apart slowly making his way down your chest, leaving bruising kisses along your collar bone and the swell of your breasts that were peaking out from your bra. Getting impatient he peels the cups of your bra down to expose your nipples to him and incasing one in his mouth. Swirling the bud with his tongue, groaning into your chest. Each pinch and lick sending shock waves through your body.

Eddie stops what he’s doing and looks up at you, “Show me baby,” Eddie says while leaving little kisses down your stomach. You look at him slightly confused, unsure what he means. A small smirk falls on his lips as he uses his hands to reach up and take your left breast in his hand. Your nipple brushing up against his fingers. Enticing a hissing noise from you.

“Show me how you touch yourself when you’re reading your books, show me how you like it.” he says leaving more kisses on your breasts as his fingers continue to play with your nipple.

Getting impatient, Eddie grabs the hem of your leggings and panties, pulling them up and off your body. Pushing your knees apart exposing your dripping center to him, guiding your hand to your slit.

Then his touch is gone, you look to see his figure rummaging next to the bed in the bag from the bookstore. He pulls out the book he was reading and taunting you with. Flipping open to a page that seemed to peak the older man’s interest, pushing it into your hand.

It was your turn to become speechless, looking down at the words on the page he picked out for you. Your cheeks turn a bright shade of pink. His eyes dark but still warm and encouraging, still your Eddie. You bite your lip and nod back at him.

You look back to the words on the page, moving your hand slowly up and down your slit. Gathering the wetness from your center and swirling it around your aching bud. You see Eddie in the corner of your eye, palming himself through his pants, watching intently where your hand and legs meet.

Breathy moans spilling from your mouth while you touch yourself, your mind clouding in pleasure. If you weren’t so turned on, the wet sounds that echoed around the room would have embarrassed you.

“So fuckin naughty, you look so good touching your pretty little cunt like that,” he says breathily, pupils blown.

His words only edging you on, you moan loudly as you sink a finger inside your entrance, making your back lift off the bed in ecstasy, book completely discarded. You feel Eddie remove your hand from your core, you whine in protest. Enveloping you hand in his mouth, lapping at your juices, eyes rolling to the back of his head.

“Spit,” he commands, holding his hand out in front of your mouth. You gather the saliva in your mouth and spit it into his hand.

“Good girl” he praises, rubbing your spit onto your slit, making you gasp loudly. His fingers quickly replaced by his wanting tongue, teasing your entrance, and nudging his perfect nose against your clit.

“OH FUCK EDDIE!” you cry out.

Your words encouraging him to buckle down, swirling and flicking his tongue on your clit making you see stars. You buck your hips up to meet his tongue, chasing your release.

“Shit, you taste so good baby, could drown in this fucking pussy,” he babbles, re-attaching his lips to your bundle of nerves.

You can feel yourself getting close already, your entrance pulsing in anticipation. You grab a fist full of his curls in desperation. Eliciting a deep groan from him that vibrates through you.

“S-so good, so fucking good Eds, holy shit” you say with another roll of your hips. Then without warning Eddie sticks one of his fingers inside of you, finding a spot inside that you could never reach yourself.

“Fuck Eddie I-im gonna” you breathe.

“Come on sweet thing, cum for me” he purrs into your core. Keeping his pace with his tongue on your clit, adding another finger inside you. The feeling of fullness finally sending you over the edge.

You throw your head back in a silent scream, the coil inside you finally snapping sending wave after wave of pleasure through your body. Eddie leaving sloppy kisses on your inner thighs brings you back into your body.

“Still with me princess? You did so good f’me,” he murmurs into your skin.

You look at him hazily, he looked so pretty between your thighs. His strong arms incasing each thigh, his lips and chin glistening with your release. You reach for him, wanting to feel his lips on yours once again. He obliges you, tasting the remnants of your release on his slips, sighing against his mouth contently.

You roll him over so he’s on his back, leaving kisses against his stomach down to his clothed cock, making him buck up into you. You strip him quickly from his pants and boxers, impatient, you want to make him feel as good as he made you.

His cock is bigger than you expected, not too thick but long, a little patch of curly dark brown hair at the base. You situate yourself between his legs and look up at him through your eyes.

Eddie was trying to be patient, but you could see the desperation in his eyes. You start swirling your tongue around the tip, collecting his precum in your mouth. You groan deeply at the slightly salty taste, encasing the rest of your mouth around the tip. You hear Eddie curse under his breath, his hands cup the hair falling around your face so he can see you better.

You take this opportunity to lock eyes with him, gathering all the saliva in your mouth and spitting sloppily onto his cock, working it from the tip to the shaft.

“Jesus, fuck! Such a dirty fucking mouth,” he babbled. His words making you clench around nothing, Eddie was more vocal than any other partner you’d ever been with but you liked knowing that you were making him feel good.

You go back to working your mouth down on his cock, forcing it lower and lower until the hairs at the base of his shaft were tickling your nose and lips. You gag slightly around his cock, throat constricting around the tip, making him thrust farther down your throat.

“Shit, fuck I’m sorry baby, you just look so fucking good with your mouth full of my cock, couldn’t help myself,” he sputters. You hum as you remove his cock from your mouth leaving opened mouth kisses all the way down the shaft and onto his balls. You hear his breath hitch when you reach his balls. You spend time down there licking and sucking.

Taking your time lightly sucking each ball into your mouth and swirling your tongue around them. Truth be told you loved sucking and licking balls and you could tell Eddie did too by his reaction.

“Fuck, Fuck yes, you like that? You like sucking my balls? Good fucking girl, such a good fucking girl, shit” he cries out, tightening the grip he has on your hair. The new hold he had on your hair leaving a delightful sting on your scalp and that made your eyes roll back. You pull of his shaft with a pop , sloppily licking up and down his member.

“Fuck my face Eddie, please, fill my throat” you plead with your mouth still full of his length

“Don’t have to fuckin ask me twice sweetheart,” he says grabbing another fist full of your hair. You give up control and let him lower your head back down on his cock. His pace starts out slow at first seeing what you can handle. You can take most of his cock, and the rest that you can take you use your hand to stroke it, making sure every part of him feels good. He continues to shower you with praises, all of it becoming to much, you start to feel your own wetness start to drip down your thighs.

You can feel his cock twitching in your mouth has his pace picks up, slamming his cock in your mouth with reckless abandon. Making you gag every time his tip hit the back of your throat, Eddie swearing obscenities left and right.

His pace getting sloppy as he comes closer to cumming, and with one final thrust into your mouth he releases his load down your throat. You both moan in unison at the act. Smooshing your face down into the curls at the base for good measure before pushing off to straddle his waist.

Opening up your mouth to show him his cum gathered inside your mouth, Eddies eyes rolling back farther than you thought humanly possible. Looking back at you with hungry eyes, he holds your face with his one hand, cupping your cheeks. And with his other hand dipping two of his fingers into your mouth, fucking his cum farther down your throat.

“Swallow for me pretty girl,” he commands, your body tingling to obey his every thought, his eyes watching you like a hawk.

You swallow the rest of his cum left on your tongue, and stick your tongue out to show him the job done.

“Good girl, such a good girl,” he praises again, kissing you fiercely on the lips. Then you collapse onto the bed next him contently.

He grabs hold of your waist forcing you to cuddle close, he leaves kisses in your hair and your run circles across his chest with your fingers. Your mind completely empty of everything that wasn’t Eddie Munson.

That was until your phone went off, buzzing next to the bed. You ignore it, deciding that whatever it was, could wait. That was until it buzzed again, and again, and again. Finally you climb over Eddie and reach for your phone, seeing a couple missed calls from Violet.

You call her back without even thinking, there’s no way she could know that you were naked in her dads bed, no way.

“Hey Vi, you okay?” you say sleepily, worn out from your previous activities.

“They’re cheating me, they’re fucking cheating on me, I can’t fucking believe it!” Violet wails into the phone.

“Woah woah, slow down and start from the beginning babe what’s going on?” you say, concern in your voice. Eddie now sitting up wanting to know what was happening.

Violet goes onto explain that her and Quinn have each other’s phone passwords, and that she went to go look up something on his phone, and they had changed their phone password and had a text message from an unsaved number on their phone.

“Fuck,” you mutter into the phone.

“I need you to come over, I need you right now, i'm on my way back from Quinn's house now,” she pleads with you.

“I’ll be there as soon I can babe, don’t worry we will figure this out” you reassure her, feeling guilty for lying to her again.

You hang up the phone and look at Eddie, you fill him in on whats going on. Eddie wanting to go over to Quinn's house right now and give them a piece of his mind, but you talk him out of it until you know exactly what’s going on.

“Sorry we gotta cut this short,” you chuckle, leaning back into Eddies exposed chest.

“S’alright, I’d rather know that Vi’s okay. You’re a good friend Y/N, Vi and I are so lucky to have you." You blush at his words, he leans down and leaves kisses along your hair line and neck.

The two of you dress, you cover up your very obvious hickeys from Eddie, and part your separate ways. Just in time for the two of you to share one final kiss in the living room before the door opens.

Tag List! **If you want to be added to the tag list just lemme know, just need to be 18+**

@chaoticmunsons @sweetblinginrose @tlclick73 @paleidiot @frogtape @too-efn-old-to-be-here @peaches-roses-sins @micheledawn1975 @untitled74745 @hellv1ra @cozyquinn

#eddie munson #steve harrington #steve harrington smut #steddie x reader #steddie #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #steve harrington x reader x eddie munson #older! steve harrington #older steve harrington #older eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington x reader #older!eddie munson

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zepskies · 1 year ago

Note

This is very very niche one, but how would Beau, Dean and Ben react to seeing reader has breast reduction scars, and that’s how they find out about it since she never mentioned having one? I won’t be offended if you ignore because again, it’s very specific 🤣🫶

Hello my lovely friend! @chernayawidow

Ooh this is very niche, but I'm okay with that! I love a narrower prompt. It makes it easier to imagine, to be honest. And I can safely say this is the first time I've gotten a request like this. 😘

*cracks knuckles* Here we go!

Pairings: Dean Winchester x F. Reader, Beau Arlen x F. Reader, Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only on this one for some smuttish behavior. Description of surgical scars, body insecurity and body appreciation.

Headcanon: How Dean, Beau, and Ben would react to seeing your breast reduction scars.

Dean Winchester

Let's start with Dean...

The first time he spots it is after a hunt, in the room of this week's grungy "motel crap."

He notices the edge of some kind of scar under your breast when he accidentally walks in on you changing.

He only sees it peeking out from the edge of the bra you're trying to hook on. It's black and lacey, and it immediately attracts his attention (in more ways than one).

"Dean!" you gasp. Your face sports a wild blush. "Learn how to knock, damn it!"

Shit! He remembers himself with a shake of his head and a placating hand in the air as he spins away. "Sorry!"

Of course, he's not going to say anything then. He wonders if it was a hunting injury, from before he met you.

He buries that curiosity...until you two finally start dating.

The subject doesn't come up, however, until you have sex for the first time. Dean has you underneath him in his bed. Kisses are feverish, hands exploring each other's bodies like a pair of teenagers making out. He can't lie to himself, he kind of feels giddy like a teenager.

But he notices that you're self-conscious about him getting your shirt off. You almost stop him with your hands on his wrists.

Dean hesitates. His hand are already under the hem of your shirt, but they become more soothing along the curve of your waist.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

Biting your lip, you nod and encourage him to continue. He goes slow, but he eventually takes your bra off, and he sees them.

Faded, pink scars (small circles around the nipple, with an anchor line stemming down the middle of the breast, and a small curve line underneath).

A younger, less mature Dean might not know what to say at first.

He might ask, with a note of caring, "What're these?"

He also might feel the need to lighten the question with a joke (not at your expense), of which you might not appreciate in the moment. And he'd very earnestly apologize.

And he might ask if he can touch the scars, softly tracing the outlines.

You would explain to him that it wasn't a hunting injury, or anything like that.

The answer is simple: You had breast reduction surgery. If you feel comfortable enough with him, you'll share the reasons why. (To reduce your lower back pain, and make it easier on your body to live your life and do your job. And the truth is, you feel better.)

A Dean in his 40s would probably have seen this before, and know what they are. But he'll still be curious on why you did it, because he's curious by nature.

He'll want to make sure you feel comfortable with him, asking you if the scars are still tender, and where you'd prefer to be touched.

But the scars don't faze him.

"I like 'em," he later says, with cheeky green eyes, and his tongue moving lazily between your breasts.

You giggle at that, carding your fingers through his hair. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he smirks. "I got me a little tiger. She's got some pretty stripes."

You laugh fully at that, and your body trembles with it underneath him. It makes him smile against your skin.

You're a beautiful woman, and he feels lucky to have this chance to be with you. Not just in your bed, but trying to be together.

Because it's a chance he didn't think he'd ever get to have again.

Beau Arlen

Ah, my Cowboy Sheriff...

He first notices it on the summer you two start dating, when you two go swimming at the lake. It's Montana, so the water is still pretty cold, but you both are too high on the giddy feeling of a budding romance to care.

He sees the edge of a crescent shaped scar under your breast, under the sexy bikini you're rocking. It piques his curiosity, which is already near insatiable at the best of times.

So much so that when he next has you in his arms in the water, and his arms are wrapped around your waist, with your arms wrapped around his neck, he gains enough courage to ask you, thumbing gently at the edge of raised flesh on your skin.

"What's this, darlin'?"

You're matter-of-fact about your answer, telling him it's your breast reduction scar. It's also a subtle way you test men.

You can tell a lot about someone's character by the way they react to things like this. Especially when it's something you might've been insecure about at first. But these scars are just a part of your body now. Though they'll fade even more in time, there's a chance they might always be there. So you've accepted this, and don't find cause to hide.

Beau takes your response in with a nod.

"You're...okay with it?" you ask.

Beau smiles and presses a tender kiss to your cheek. "What's to be okay with?"

"Yeah?" you lightly press. You smile at his beard scratching your cheek. You turn your head, and he gives you a proper kiss.

"Of course, sweetheart," Beau says. And he means it.

He's a father. He watched many a change happen to his ex-wife's body over the course of pregnancy, birth, and over a decade later of natural developments with age. He's aged and changed too.

So superficial things like stretch marks and fading scars aren't going to deter him in the slightest from being with you.

His thumb edges around the hem of your bikini, sliding under the tie in the back. His smile grows a bit cheeky, while yours becomes knowingly suspicious.

"Maybe you'll let me get acquainted," he hedges. His voice deepens with southern drawl and flirtation.

Your heart beats faster, and your smile deepens.

"Okay, Sheriff...but only if I get the same privilege." And your knees begin to slide his swim trunks down his hips under the water, at the same time he unties your bikini.

Soldier Boy (Ben)

Aw geez, this cheeky motherfucker...

Ben would easily be the most unfazed.

This man's gotten "around," so to speak. He's pretty much seen it all in his 102 years of pussy plowing. (Minus 40.)

You're different, however. You're more than that.

You were the first one to treat him like an actual person when he made it out of Russia, back to the States, back to New York, after dealing with Homelander and ending that piece of shit at Vought Tower.

While the whole world either looked at him like an oddity or a terrorist, you saw a man, displaced from everything he had known.

A man entirely alone.

Until you.

Still, it took all the patience he had within him to even get you to agree to date him. And you were cautious about physical intimacy. At first he thought you were shy (or worse, a fucking tease).

Or maybe...maybe you were afraid of him.

"It's not that," you tell him firmly. You feel comfortable and safe in his arms. You look up into his eyes, and he can't help but kiss you. You cling to him tightly, like you're starved for touch. His touch.

He sits down on the edge of his living room couch and brings you down with him, to straddle his thighs. You take his face into your gentle hands and briefly look down at him with a smile.

He sees things in your eyes that he's never seen from a woman before. Softness. Genuine caring. Maybe even something deeper.

But you tense up a little, the second his hands venture under the hem of your blouse.

"What's the matter?" he asks. His brows furrow. He can't fucking figure you out. You seem to be into him (and more), but you don't want him to touch you.

You hesitate. "It's just...um..."

With much effort, Ben controls every impatient, borderline callous remark he wants to make and squeezes your hips.

"Just tell me, baby doll. You're not gonna shock me."

You smile at the sight of his grin. You let out a breath and take off your blouse yourself. Ben eyes you hungrily as you bare yourself to him.

You unclip your bra and his eyes are drawn to your breasts...and then the scars. Just like you feared they would be.

But he doesn't look disgusted or put off. He just raises his brows at you.

"Is that what the fuck you're worried about?" he asks.

Your throat constricts for a moment as you rest your hands on his chest. You can feel the warmth of his skin through the fitted shirt.

Ben dips his chin and catches your downturned gaze. Then his head bows a little further, and he traces the scars lightly with his tongue.

Your breath hitches. Your eyes widen as you watch him, but pleasure tingles delicately down your spine and across your skin as his tongue swirls around a nipple. He lifts you up higher against him so he has easier access. All you can do is cling to his arms, sink your fingers into his hair, and moan wantonly as he ravishes your body.

By the end of the night, he knocks every single insecurity out of your head. (And you both sleep soundly, fully sated in his bed.)

AN: Whew! 😮‍💨 Feel like my fingers ran a marathon. I got into this one deeper than I thought I would! I hope it hit all the right notes. 💕💕

Dean Winchester Imagines

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Big Sky Masterlist

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

DW, BA & SB Tag List (Part 1):

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apollyonsdarksecrets · 9 months ago

Text

The Fall

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven

Summery: She’s reserved, emotionally cut off, and spiraling down a dark path; one she can’t get out of on her own. Aaron Hotchner may be her only help, but at what cost? When he shows up to her hotel room, contact in hand, she realizes it may be more than what she bargained for.

Warning: 18+ Only MDNI SMUT. Language, BDSM, Dom Aaron, emotionally detached reader, typical CM violence, childhood trauma, abusive father figure, age gap (reader 25 Aaron 40) doesn’t line up with a specific time line, use of Y/n because story is set in 3rd person for the first half then switches POV, last name for reader is Smith,

Specific Chapter Warnings: David being a tease(?), blood, dog attack, robbery, Typical CM violence. Hospitals, (let me know if there is something I missed)

A/N: so these next two chapters are long because I had to take a SUPER long chapter and split it in two. So be thankful I could have just kept it all in one part 😂.

Present Day

The first few things you notice, as your conscious slowly pieces itself together, is that your face is unbearably cold. The AC unit under the window is humming loudly as it pushes the air around, chilling the room like you’ve left the window open. The next thing you gather is that every other part of your body is warm, almost burning. But with the soft pillow under your head, the weight at your back, and how your body has shaped into the mattress, you could care less. This is the most comfortable you have been in years, every ounce of tension smothered away by the heaviness above you.

Then that heaviness moves.

Your eyes snap open with the flood of last nights events, overly aware of who exactly lays behind you. Aaron’s head is pressed against the back of your neck, little puffs of warm air skimming your shoulder, his heavy arm wrapped around your waist and a thick thigh pressed in between your own. His breath is even and deep, seemingly still asleep, and you silently thank whoever is out there for the moment to collect yourself and figure out what you should do next.

What you should do is get up.

What you should do is get the hell out of this room with your tail between your legs.

What you should do is call everything off, the embarrassment you’ve endured enough to last you two life times.

You close your eyes, sucking in a deep breath, because as much as you should move you can’t force your body to do so. The smell of Aaron’s cologne is filling your nose with each breath, then just underneath is a hint of musk that is undeniably all him. It’s intoxicating, it makes you want to bury your face into the pillow and never leave.

“You’re doing a terrible job of pretending to be asleep.” Your entire body jumps at the sound of his deep voice, making Aaron chuckle behind you, a chaff kiss pressing to your shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He mutters warmly.

“It’s-it’s fine… I was just-.” You push the covers down, starting to get up when Aaron’s arm tightens around your middle, holding you in place as his lips find the smooth skin of your throat, right where your shoulder meets.

“Aaron…”

He nips at your skin and you suck in a breath, his hot tongue soothing over the tender spot before he repeats the process further up your neck. Aaron sucks at the soft skin just above your necklace, just where your pulse is and you whimper at the sensation, your eyes fluttering closed. “We-We need to get up… it’s probably time to-.” Your words are swallowed by a thick moan, your head falling back as he finally finds that sensitive spot just bellow your ear. Aaron takes advantage of this new discovery, sucking and nibbling gently as he rolls you onto your back. His large frame settles between your thighs, trapping you in.

Your hands find his arms, squeezing the tense muscles as his weight presses you down into the mattress, your mouth opens in a silent moan, your eyes fluttering against the pleasure clouding over your mind. “Aaron… we can’t do this.” Your words are half hearted, contradicting your actions as your palms travel up to his shoulders, pulling him in as his plush lips pepper the underside of your jaw.

“Why can’t we?” He mumbles, resting his weight on his forearm, his other hand finding your hip. His fingers dig into your skin, his palm pressing into your bone angling your hips to his liking. Aaron lifts his head at your lack of response to find your lips parted in a quiet pant, your eyes closed as you drink in the feeling of him. “Hmm?”

“We could… so much trouble if we keep doing this…”

Your breath catches in your throat as his hand slips under your shirt, smoothing up your side and spreading wide along your ribs. Aarons thumb just barely brushes along the bottom of your breast, all of your senses zeroed in on the small area as the digit rubs back and forth.

“Then stop me.” His voice is laced with a growl, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that can only be described as feral. Your front teeth clicking together, noses bumping, moans filling each other’s mouths as your hands find home in his hair, tugging at the short locks desperately. Clauses smooth over the hard peak of your nipple, sharp hips grinding down into your own, and his erection presses firmly into your mound.

Aaron groans loudly, the noise reverberating through his ribs and into your own. Your thighs squeeze his hips with each slow canter, dragging himself along your soaked core. Every sensation is building into a frenzy under your skin to the point you feel like you will burst into a million little pieces.

The shrill ring of a phone sends everything to an abrupt halt. Aaron is off of you and picking up his phone before you can even take your next breath. “Hotchner.” You blink drizzly up at him, the sudden change in everything leaving you with whip lash. Aaron stays seated between your thighs, one hand kneading and squeezing the soft fat, stroking your leg as he speaks. His voice nor his face give anything away of what just transpired, leaving you astounded as you’re left trying to catch your breath. The way he flips script so easily almost a little unsettling.

You can faintly make out David’s voice on the other end on the line, a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding blowing through your nose. You draw your leg up with the intention of leaving the bed but Aaron squeezes your thigh and he shoots you a glare, silently telling you to stay where you are.

Reluctantly you drop your leg back against his pajama clad thigh, tuning out most of his conversation with the older man as you fix your shirt, pulling it back down over your stomach where it had ridden up. “Right. We’ll be there in an hour.” He ends the call, tossing his cell onto the bed leaving his hands free to explore the outside of your thighs with a gentle touch.

“We need to get up.” Your voice is soft, low and thick, your eyes darting down to where his hands have come to a stop.

“Who did this?” His eyes, unusually dark, catch you by surprise when you look up at him in confusion. You’re about to ask him what he means when you feel his thumb rubbing back and forth around the jagged raised scars on your thigh.

Aaron watches how you mentally shut down, your features once soft and dopey now are stony, your gaze turning sharp as your eyes narrow. “No one.” You force yourself to sit up and move away, your back pressing into the cold, wooden headboard.

“You don’t fit the profile of someone who would have hurt themselves.”

You roll your eyes, your nose scrunching with disgruntled anger. “How would you know? Besides, Derek says we aren’t supposed to profile each other. So don’t.”

Aaron moves closer, the bed dipping in making you slip towards him as his hands land on your knees, balancing himself with a soft squeeze. “Those are Derek’s rules, not mine. You don’t seem like someone who would have hurt themselves because you continuously push through your problems, you tuck them away so that they don’t affect what you have set your mind to.” His hand slips down your thigh again, going for the scars that plague you endlessly. “So, I will ask you again. Who did this?”

Your pulse picks up, your breath sticking in your throat like a candy you forgot to chew, as his fingers brush your numb skin once again. “I don’t want to talk about it.” You push his hands away, and Aaron sits back on his heels as you scoot to the edge of the bed with a wince. The memories of last night aren’t the only reminder of what happened, a deep seated soreness is there too.

Aaron sighs, a bit of annoyance latching onto his words as he speaks. “How is any of what we are doing supposed to help if you won’t open up to me? It’s not a sin to show vulnerability, or emotion.” His fingers brush your wrist but you jerk away, spinning on your heel to level him with a rough glare.

“Yes it is. Showing those things, when you are a person like me who came from nothing, gets you no where in life. My emotions are not the reason I pulled my life around in high school, they are not the reason I received valedictorian in college. No amount of tears earned me my work ethic. That was done by me without any of those things. I was fine keeping my mouth shut, my emotions locked away, and going about my life as I should. It was you who decided otherwise!”

Suddenly your voice isn’t your own, it’s hauntingly familiar, piercing the back of your mind like talons from a bird who has caught its prey. You don’t see the room around you anymore, just the never ending darkness that suffocates relentlessly.

The brackets around Aaron’s mouth soften, his eyes turning pitiful and you think that’s the worst part of it all. “Baby…”

“I want to go home, Aaron.” It takes great effort to not let your voice crack as pressure bears down on your chest, making it hard to breath. You’re sure if you keep standing here it will all be for nothing.

“Okay.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

You’re the first to board the jet, the cabin is only a few degrees warmer that the air outside, making you pull the sleeves of your purple turtle neck down to cover your hands. Despite hardly saying anything else to each other Aaron still made it a point to pick out the clothes he wanted you to wear, then helping you carry your bags to the car. The ride had been silent and uncomfortable, the boundaries that you thought were in place are now blurred, and a new type of nervousness has burrowed into your bones.

You pick the couch at the far end of the plane, pulling out one of the blankets JJ keeps in storage for weather like this. You ease into your seat, a long sigh escaping as you drop your head back against the wall, mentally and physically exhausted.

“Well, good morning.” David’s chipper voice fills the cabin and you force yourself to lift your head and meet him with a smile. Aaron is on his heels with a new folder in hand. His work never finished.

“Morning, how was seeing your friend?”

“It was good.” David nods his head, stopping in front of you, smiling crookedly. “We had just enough time to catch up on life until the next time I am in town.”

“That’s great.” You say genuinely, your head tilting slightly. Your smile falters as his brown eyes narrow, your back stiffening as David reaches out, gripping your chin between warm fingers. He tilts your head up and hums softly, his grin returning at full force as his eyes gleam with knowing.

“Well, now isn’t that a pretty sight. Make sure not to get that snagged on anything, gattina.”

Unbridled embarrassment fills your stomach, spreading to the top of your head and down to the bottom of your feet. Your jaw slackens in David’s grip and he chuckles, squeezing your chin before stepping back. Aaron looks up his eyes darting between the two of you. “It took her a minute to agree to wear it. I think she likes it though.”

Your head snaps in his direction, your cheeks reddening with rage but David speaks first. “Oh I’m sure it did. The feisty ones always put up a little fight.”

The fact that they both are speaking as if you aren’t sitting feet from them has you seeing red. You jam the necklace under the collar of your shirt, pulling the blanket up to your chest with a huff. Your narrow eyes bore into Aaron’s who holds your challenging stare, an eyebrow cocking in question. You curse yourself repeatedly as you drop his stare, refusing to acknowledge him or David again for the rest of the trip.

When David sends Aaron a smirk he finds the raven haired man staring at you with a mixture of amusement and possessiveness.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Two and a half uncomfortable hours later you are finally dredging your way back into the bullpen. Your extra bags are packed into your small silver car, refusing the help of the two men, and as you surround yourself with the familiar sounds of rustling papers, ringing phones, and jumbled chatter; you finally feel some tension ease away.

Dropping into your chair at your desk you stretch out your arms, noticing the stack of folders on the corner by your computer. No matter how much you do, there is always more paper work.

“Hey, sweet cheeks.” Derek Morgan drops into his own seat across from you, dressed in a too tight white t-shirt and an impish grin on his face. He rests his elbows on the desk, his muscles flexing as he watches you drag your eyes from him to the folder in front of you. There was no denying he was a very handsome man.

“Good morning.” You singsong back, flipping through the manilla folder, eyebrows creasing as you scan the text.

“How was Jenny after we left?”

You take a second to respond, carefully choosing your words. “She was really good. She was open and talkative, I don’t believe there will be any psychological impact that will affect her life. I’m sure as she grows older and understands more and more of what happened she will seek someone to talk with but for now… she is doing very well.” You prop your head on your fist, your eyes rolling up to meet his. Morgan nods thoughtfully, rolling a pen between his fingers as he leans back in his chair, rocking slightly.

“That’s good. I couldn’t stop thinking about her after we had left.” Right there. That was what made Morgan such a good profiler to you. Not only was he the power of the team, no door standing a chance around him, but he also held a big heart which overflowed with compassion.

You nod, dropping your attention back to your folder when another voice joins in. “That’s new.” Garcia suddenly appears behind you, her bright red fingers plucking at the arm of your sweater. Everything in you stills for a moment, before you force yourself to react, licking your lips and turning to the bubbling blond with a smile.

“Oh uh yeah, it is.”

“And so are those pants! They look good on you.” Garcia’s smile has always been the most infectious thing, despite what comes across her many monitors daily, she always a is a ray of sunshine. Her quick wit and humor making it impossible to dislike her in the slightest. The cheerleader you all need.

You nod again, feeling your cheeks heat under both of their intense gazes. “I kinda did a little shopping after the case was finally wrapped up.”

Morgan makes a noise and Garcia shoots him a leveling glare behind her pink glasses. The color being the main theme of today’s outfit, from her pink 50’s styled dress to her pink heels and makeup.

“What? I’m surprised is all. But good for you, Y/n. You needed to treat yourself.” He holds up his hands in surrender, waving them slightly.

"Y-Yeah you aren't wrong." You amend, glancing up to the landing behind him as movement catches your eyes. Arron is watching the three of you with a slight smile.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The day felt as though it had dragged on and on, more and more profiles of children and young adults to sort through. Deeming who is top priority for therapy based on the severity of their cases. Finally you are able to close out your computer, leaning back in your chair with a groan. The office is shrouded in darkness, a few emergency lights humming lightly and the amber glow of the offices above you the only lighting.

You can’t help finding Aaron’s office, the door is open and so are his blinds, but there’s no way of seeing him from where you sit. You bite the inside of your cheek, wondering if you should just leave or if you should go to him. You had never discussed how things were supposed to be in the office asides from being discreet. Nothing can be more discreet than just leaving as usual.

Your cellphone suddenly vibrates on your desk, and you aren’t left to wonder any longer. A text from Aaron pops up on the small screen and you find yourself hesitating to answer, your eyes darting around the office to ensure your privacy.

Aaron Hotchner: “How was your day?”

You roll your lips together before typing back a quick reply, something fluttering in your chest.

Y/n Smith: “Same as always when we are in the office. Just paperwork.”

It’s not a forward answer and you find yourself chewing at your cheek again.

Aaron Hotchner: “Did you eat lunch?”

Fuck. Y/n Smith: “I didn’t … but I was planning on having a big dinner when I get home from picking up Bruce.”

You swallow thickly, your eyes flickering to his windows where you can practically see the pinched set to his dark eyebrows, his eyes narrowing as he reads your message.

Aaron Hotchner: “Make sure that you do. Remember some of our rules extend to the work space and that includes eating three means a day if you are able to. Now, are you going straight home?”

Your face flames with heat, again glancing around to make sure no one can see your mild embarrassment from being reprimanded.

Y/n Smith: “No, I’m going to go pick up Bruce first.”

Aaron Hotchner: “Call me when you get home.”

You take a breath, one you didn’t know you were holding and begin to gather your things.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Nearly two hours later you are finally pulling into the driveway of your small one story home, your car shaking with the force of Bruce’s excitement. You laugh as he whines, his tail wreaking havoc on the seat back behind him. You grab your keys and phone, leaving everything else for later. “You ready? Who’s ready to be home?” The high pitched toddler talk you reserve souly for your over grown puppy makes Bruce bark, the car shaking more as he shifts on his paws. “Let’s go then!”

You step out and he instantly follows, circling you before going ahead and running back, like he’s asking you to go faster. You both make your way to the front door, bantering one-sidedly as you unlock the door as you debate dinner.

“Chicken noodle?” He whines as you push the door open, letting him go in first. “No? Well then how about a pasta bake?” You toss your things onto the door side table, closing and bolting the door behind you. Bruce yips, his tongue lulling out the corner of his wide mouth, almost grinning as you lead him into the living room. “Ooo what about fish sti-.”

You stop abruptly, halting in the middle of your living room, as your focus lands on a man lumbering at the entrance to your kitchen. He’s shrouded in the darkness of the small area, his clothes different shades of grey and his face is obscured from a ski mask. In one hand he holds a large trash bag, in the other what appears to be your silverware.

Bruce’s growl snaps you from the impromptu staring contest you’re having with the man, the hairs on his body standing on end as his posture shifts. His stance widens, shoulders dropping , ready to protect. Though fear sizzles through your blood like acid you react before the intruder does, your hand snapping for the gun at your hip only to fumble over air. The realization that you have left it in your car knocking the air from your lungs. The man steps forward and Bruce’s growl intensifies, placing himself in between the two of you.

“FBI. You need to vacate before you do something you will regret.” You force the words out, your voice loud and stern, even as your tongue stick to the roof of your dry mouth. You hover your hand over your bare hip, hopping it will psych the man out as his eyes flicker between you and the dog.

He takes a step forward and you fall back one, Bruce retreating with you, the knowledge that you know he will attack on command giving you courage you don’t have. The giant holds up his full hands, his eyes darting behind you as he speaks. “We aren’t here to hurt you lady.”

“We?”

You don’t have the luxury to ponder what he means when something crashes over the back of your head. The sound of glass shattering fills the room, your knees hitting the hard wood floor soon follow. Black swims over your vision as you fall forward, barely catching yourself on your hands, the sting of glass cutting into your palms making your cry out.

A hair raising snarl rips through the room, Bruce launching himself at the man who just ambushed you from behind. Your ears start to ring and you gasp, trying to clear your vision as you sway on your hands a knees, you bloody palms slipping on the floor. A gut wrenching noise fills the air, teeth shredding through fabric and meat and a scream that makes you flinch.

Rough hands grab at your arms, hauling you up and the world around you swims and tilts, your head falling limply against your chest. There’s a thud and a whine that makes bile rise into your throat as you’re dragged towards your linen closet, mumbling negatives as you try to fight back.

“Shut the fuck up.” The man holding you shakes you by your shoulders, rattling you and your consciousness slips farther away. “Get the fucking door Mac.”

Mac. Mac. Mac.

Your sluggish brain chants the word as you’re hauled over to the dark closet, your body dragging across the floor. “Don’t… please…” With a loud sneer you’re stuffed in, unsure if the darkness surrounding you is from the door slamming shut or the last of your consciousness slipping away.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Aaron stares down at his phone where it sits on his desk, silently willing the screen to light up as he taps an uneven tempo with his pen against his thigh. The final folder he needs to go through is laying untouched in the small metal basket, his attention fixated on the out of date cell Garcia is constantly hounding him over.

It’s nearing three hours since you left the office, and an anxious feeling is bubbling in his chest, squeezing his lungs and heart. You should have called by now, the text he sent an hour ago never answered. Were you ignoring him? Had something happened on your way home? A million different outcomes are ricocheting off of each other inside his skull.

“Hotch?” David’s voice makes him jump, spinning around in his chair to face David leaning in his doorway. “Everything alright?”

Aaron rubs his thumb across his fingers, a comforting tic he developed many years ago when he still lived with his father. Sighing Aaron drops his gave back to his phone. “I think something is wrong.”

David’s eyebrows inch up and he takes a few steps into the blandly decorated office. The only personal touches are the awards lining the dark walls and a few pictures of Jack. “What do you mean?”

Aaron takes a deep breath, “Y/n… She hasn’t called and I’ve already messaged her once…” Aaron bites his lip, shaking his head. “My gut tells me there is something wrong and I can’t get rid of the feeling.”

David only takes a moment to contemplate, nodding his head as he grabs the door. “Then we need to go.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

"HELP!" Your fists pound into the door, desperation and fear cracking your already strained voice.

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? The darkness surrounding you gives no answers away, and no matter how hard you push and pound on the door, there is no give.

It's all of those lonely dark years all over again, suffocating, hindering, debilitating. You scream for Bruce but there is no answer on the other side, no noises to let you know he is okay.

You’re cramped in the small space, the shelves above you preventing you from standing, the space becoming more and more claustrophobic. Tears choke your labored breathing, curling into yourself, deflating into sobs.

"Please... Please help me..."

*~*~*~*~*~*

It didn't take long for the two men to find your small white home, the faded numbers on your teal mail box still visible in the dying light of the setting sun. Aaron is overly aware of how the large black SUV stands out among the lower class suburb, but there doesn't seem to be a soul around to notice as he and David step out into the cold air. The house is dark on the inside, the front porch illuminated by the single strand of soft glowing Christmas lights that wrap the banister.

Aaron had called you once before leaving the building then again when they pulled onto your street, that creeping feeling of dreed now worming its way through the deepest parts of his guts. David glances to Aaron before leading the way to your door. It's painted the same sun-kissed color as your mailbox, but when David knocks it swings inward under his heavy fist.

Both men automatically draw their weapons, David glancing to Aaron who gives a curt nod before he pushes the door open all the way. In front of them is a long hallway, three doors on the wall to their left, an archway at the very end and another to the right. David gestures to the doors and Aaron veres to the right, noticing the small table with your cellphone on top. He turns the corner sharply, gun level and narrowed eyes scanning the dim room, the only light filtering in through sheer drapes.

The living room had been turned over, furniture pushed around or completely toppled over, once neatly placed books now litter the floor. There’s a pile of glass at his feet that looks like it had once been a vase, everything in his immediate vicinity is speckled with blood. A broken lamp lays on its side, the bulb flickering hauntingly, casting shadows about the room. Aaron can hear David on the other side of the wall, his steps just as measured and cautious in case someone is still lurking.

He makes it across the room, the trail of blood growing in volume, right at the entrance to your kitchen. It’s staining the walls and checkered linoleum floors, and Aaron can smell the copper tone in the air. His heart beats unsteadily, fear gripping him as he scans the trashed room spotting the blood soaked door. Making his way over he peaks out the window, finding a small, dark back yard.

“Clear!” He tells to David, who parrots the word back. Aaron’s heart is thumping wildly, his thoughts crescendoing, but as he is about to move away from the door a soft whine reaches his ears. He pears out the glass once more, this time a dog comes into view. He’s large, black and brown and Aaron can see blood covering the dog’s muzzle as he paces back and forth on the small patio, staring at Aaron expectantly.

Swallowing thickly Aaron looks around, grabbing a dish towel off of the counter and using it to turn the sticky door nob. The dog bursts through the door before Aaron can fully open it, bolting into the living room, David comes around the corner in time to see Aaron following the furry beast, his phone in hand ready to call the police.

The dog leads Aaron to a door tucked in the corner of the room, where he is pawing and whining at the white wood. There’s a china cabinet pushed tight against the door, bloody handprints smeared across the side and Aaron’s stomach drops with the realization. “Dave!”

The two men rush to the piece of furniture, heaving it away, Aaron’s hands slipping against the side of it. Once there is enough room Aaron throws open the door, his gaze meeting stacks of blankets and towels until his eyes drop to the ground.

You’re curled into the small space at the bottom, your arms thrown over your head, your shoulders shaking with each heaving sob. Instantly Aaron is taken back to just a few days ago when they found Jenny tucked into the crawl space. Bruce makes a gruff noise behind Aaron and the man drops to his knees in the doorway, relief and anger pooling in his soul as he takes in the state of you.

He reaches out, his fingers barely brushing your shoulder making your entire body jerk with a startled scream. Your head snaps up, eyes wild and unfocused as you press yourself further into the wall. Aaron holds up his hands, his voice taking on a soothing whisper. “It’s me, baby. It’s just me and David.” Tears relentlessly spill down your ruby cheeks, your chest rising and falling so fast and uneven that Aaron is afraid you are are going to hyperventilate.

Before he can say anything else though, you are scrambling towards him, throwing yourself against his chest with so much force you knock him backwards. His arms wrap around you and you let out the loudest sob he had ever heard, your fingers digging into his shirt, clinging to him like a lifeline and you were stuck in an endless dark sea. Bruce tries to nudge his head between your bodies, his tail wagging slowly, as David takes a few steps back dialing 911.

Aaron gently strokes your hair, his eyes close as relief washes over him. “You’re safe, everything will be okay. We’ve got you.”

A strangled noise leaves your throat as you press your face in closer, your fingers shaking around the fistfuls of his shirt. “I-I… I got jumped.”

“Shh, it’s okay, you don’t have to talk right now.” Aaron whispers, Bruce moving around to the other side, laying his head on Aaron’s thigh. Aaron drops a hand to the dog’s head, scratching him softly. “Good boy, you’re a good dog.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

The neighbors began to a merge when the police lights filled the night sky, whispering amongst themselves and speculating what could have happened to their most quiet neighbor. Inside, the house is consumed with near chaotic energy. Bright flashes of lights from cameras, men yelling back and forth to each other across the house. People getting samples of the blood left, picking up pieces of your home, your life, to place into evidence baggies.

And in the center of it all sits you. You’re curled up on the couch, Aaron’s arm wrapped around your shoulders as Bruce lays on your feet, a middle aged EMT checking your blood pressure in front of you. You hadn’t stopped shaking since you left the closet, the adrenaline pumping through your system making it impossible to sit still.

The woman in front of you, her black hair slicked back into a small pony tail, her flawless dark face scrunched in concern; shines a small light into each of your eyes. “Your pupils are dilating like normal, but I would feel more comfortable if we loaded you up and took you to the hospital for further evaluation.”

You stare at her blankly for a moment, trying to focus on her words as the rest of the officers clatter around behind you. Aaron squeezes your hand, making you look up into his pinched face. “Oh… yeah, yes.” You mange, looking back to the woman. She gives you a gentle smile, a smile she has probably perfected with her job.

“Alright hun, let’s get you up.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

It’s no secret that the entirety of the team hates hospitals. The fact that they are walking into the unknown of a sterilized building, with its overly bright lights and white walls, sets their nerves on edge. Everyone had gotten the same phone call from David, explaining that you had been attacked and were being taken to the hospital for further examination. Every single member of the team dropped what they were doing to get there, to get to you.

Morgan and Garcia are the first to arrive, having been just a few streets over at a local dive bar. The clicking of Garcia’s heels is loud in the otherwise quiet atmosphere. Morgan’s large hand rests on the small of her back as they follow the directions of the receptionist, the instant relief they felt learning that you were in a common room like a flood of cold water on a hot day.

As they round the next corner Morgan’s eyes land on an open door just down the short hallway. He drags Garcia to a stop, his mouth falling open in stunned silence. “What?” Garcia’s snaps, the incredulous look she gives him wiped away when he points.

Just ahead they can see you perched on the edge of a hospital bed, a white sheet pulled across your lap, your forehead resting against Aaron Hotchner’s sternum. He’s rubbing slow circles against your back with one large palm, and they are able to make out the slight movement of his lips as he speaks with you in a hushed voice. Your arms are thrown around his waist, bobbing your head to whatever is being said before you lean back to look up at the older man. Aaron leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead and Garcia nearly collapses on the spot, her hand flying to her mouth to keep any noise from escaping.

“What in the…” David steps out of the room before Morgan can finish, pulling the heavy wooden door closed behind him as he spots his coworkers. A small smile tugs at his lips as he ambled over to them, meeting them halfway in the hall.

“What was that?” Garcia hisses, rushing up to the older man as fast as her heels will allow.

“That… was none of your business.” David says nonchalantly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans.

Morgan scoffs, keeping his voice low in case either of you were to open the door. “That was most definitely something. How long has this been a thing? And with Hotch of all people?”

David finds it difficult to hold in his chuckle at the incredulous look the male gives him, even harder still when Garcia slaps Morgan on the arm. “Be nice.”

“Look. It isn’t my place to say anything, but,” He pauses to gage their faces. “It’s quite new. Now, coffee anyone?”

David strolls away without letting them get another word in, whistling a tune from an old opera. Garcia turns to Morgan with a bright smile, her excitement barely contained making her shoulders and hands shake. Morgan rolls his eyes and gestures to the door.

After Garcia is able to calm herself down Morgan pushes the door open with a soft knock. Aaron is now seated across the room, and you’re slouched on the bed with an ice pack pressed to the back of your head. You look up as they enter, your normally clear eyes red and puffy, your hair disheveled and your nice new clothes wrinkled. You looked shocked to see them, glancing back and forth between the pair.

Garcia rushes you, dropping her bag on the bed and swallowing you in a tight hug. The discomfort you would have felt just this morning at the sudden embrace isn’t there as you hug her back just as tight. “Oh my gosh… are you okay?” You nod as she pulls back, her eyes scanning your face.

“Yeah… just a slight concussion. They are bringing me my discharge papers soon.” You smile weakly up at Garcia, your eyes jumping to Morgan.

“Heya, sweet cheeks.” He says softly, Garcia moving to the side as Morgan takes a seat on the edge of your bed by your legs. He reaches up and touches your chin softly as he scans your face, looking for whatever it is he needs to be reassured you’re okay. “What happened?”

You fiddle with your ice pack for a moment, a knife of embarrassment slashing through you as your shoulders slump forward. “I got home and there was a man robbing my home. I… I left my gun in the car and since I was so focused on the man in front of me I didn’t see the other guy come up from behind. He knocked me over the head and…”

Aaron watches as you shift in your spot, your throat working as you swallow, trying to force the memories and emotions down. “I passed out. I know Bruce got one of them though, my house is covered in blood.”

“Bruce?” Asks Garcia.

“My dog.”

“That means he will be headed to one of the hospitals, a dog bite can be nasty and they might not be skilled enough to take care of it on their own depending on where he got bite.” Morgan nods his head thoughtfully, turning to look at Aaron.

“I already have the local police canvassing the nearest hospital and urgent care phacillities. We will have a blood match if he goes anywhere.” Aaron’s face is lined with worry and anger, a mutual feeling growing in Morgan’s chest.

“Good. Do you remember anything at all about the two men?” Morgan turns back to you, watching as you pick at the itchy blanket in your lap. It’s unnerving seeing your normal stoic persona cracked in half, and yet he’s relieved to know that there is some emotion underneath.

“I only saw one of them, and even then he was wearing a ski mask. His hands were white, his voice plain, he was very tall though, took up most of my foray into the kitchen… one of their names was Mac.”

“We can work with that.” Garcia reassures you, her hand rubbing your back. You nod, the door to your room opening at the same time to reveal a worried looking Reid, JJ, and Prentiss.

As well as they can, they try not to swarm you; each of the women giving you tight hugs and words of relief. When Reid finally makes his way to you, you pull him in for a hug, the shock on his face enough to make most everyone chuckle.

By the time the nurse comes to discharge you, she’s met with a room full of FBI agents. She smiles a little nervously at everyone as she makes her way to you.

“Here you go. Now, get a lot of rest, that means both mentally and physically. Come back immediately if there is any sudden change in your condition, vomiting, dizziness, strong fatigue.” Everyone is nodding along to the nurses instructions, as if they will be the ones making sure you follow doctors orders.

“Thank you.” You take the papers flipping through them as she leaves. Aaron watches you, your body still taught, despite the defeated set of your shoulders. He wants nothing more than to get you alone and finally talk about everything that had happened. To see if you will open up to him.

“Do you need a ride?” Garcia asks, standing up from her chair.

“Oh um no thank you. Hotch and Rossi drove me here, they said they’d take me back to my neighbors house who offered to let me and Bruce spend the night.” The lie that rolls off of your tongue is so believable even Aaron is questioning if that’s what you think will really happen once you’re out of here.

Garcia only nods, throwing an arm around your shoulders and hugging you once again.

*~*~*~*~*~*

ONE LAST CHAPER YOU GUYS 😭😭😭 it’s coming very soon. Like probably tomorrow or the day after I’m crying. 😭😭😭

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drdemonprince · 11 months ago

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When other people say that they do not have enough time to get something done, they (often, if they're quite healthy) mean they are taking into account the time it takes to do the laundry and arrange new pieces of furniture and cook dinner and meet up with friends to see a movie and run to the post office or the hair dresser and take the dog for walks and do the dishes and paint their nails and drive to the store and go to their cousin's wedding and go to the barbecue their friend is throwing on the weekend

they don't winnow their life down to just spending time at the computer, working from when they wake up until they cannot focus their eyes anymore, granola bars, coffee, and bottles of water all around them because of course they did not take time to have lunch or breakfast, only dragging themselves away from work when they are truly too exhausted to do any of it anymore, and then lacking the energy to do much of anything that remains of life but to eat a tiny bit more, sponge themselves off, and go to sleep.

i just saw a video of a fursuiter on their bed, legs kicked back, head propped on their hands, delightedly announcing that after many years of hard work they had finally finished their Master's degree. And some part of me, some sick withered part, thought really? you had time to do a Master's degree while also getting a fursuit done? and going to conventions, presumably? you had time in the day to research fursuit makers, have a sona designed and drawn by someone else (or to draw it yourself), to contact a maker to make a duck tape dummy of yourself, and to have a friend over to help you make it and to cut it off of you, to send it in the mail to the maker, to then get it and make videos? you had time to set up this beautiful bedroom that i see in your video, with a soft pink sham on the bed and LED lights behind your bookshelf and lamps and all kinds of stuffed toys? you had a life? you were out playing, and dancing, and pursuing your hobbies, and you did a master's degree?

because when i was working on my doctorate, there was nothing. three layers of foam on the floor with a fitted sheet over it. a folding card table from aldi that had cost $40 that my grandparents got me. no food in the fridge. no time to even get the internet installed, just stolen wi-fi when my laptop could pick it up. i woke up, got dressed, and slunk into the office. i sat alone in the dark working until my hunger made me furious and i could not write another word. and then i walked to the grocery store, got something to subsist on, went home, ate, kickboxing video, went to sleep. every day. with almost nothing breaking the routine.

and ive gotten better, so much better, but my brain still kind of works that way. i feel like i have to quit my job and stop being a writer if i want to have hobbies. to paint my bedroom. to marinate a meat for longer than fifteen minutes. to get a driver's license again. to take a trip. but i dont want to be like that any more. how do people know when to stop? i feel like i have to give everything my absolute all until there is nothing left or else i have done nothing. i feel that i would have to treat a hobby like a job to get it done. I feel that anything that takes more than two minutes is a huge waste of time i must feel guilty for. i am working on all these things. jesus i have been working on them for years at this point. but because i have been so successful at telling people to do less, i get pulled in. interview. workshop invitation. email. urgent in the subject line. call from my agent. meeting request from my boss. new book idea, better sell it now while my sales figures still look good. recording studio session. deadline. writing. can you talk about this. can you talk about that. tag. email. book idea. deadline. long heartfelt email. still so often i have to take my own damn advice.

and this is why i am getting a fursuit made!! and going to cons! and going to leather and latex events! and making socials that are separate for these things!! i am going to let myself be silly and soft and do frivolous things. i am so sick of what i do to myself, all the pursuit of seeming like a strong mature adult.

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daceydeath · 5 months ago

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A Work Proposal - Intermission

Pairing: Lee Know x Reader Word Count: 5.1k Genre: Smut, Angst Warnings: 18+, MDNI, Swearing, Conflict, Explicit Activities

You had been working with Stray Kids for a while now and after a long day at work turns into a very unexpected but intriguing proposal. Will this change your world or end your career.

You had been back in Korea for a few months now, the tour had finally ended and you were thrilled to sleep in your own bed for an extended period of time again. Although you weren't always alone in your bed these days, the kids now had a tendency to text you and either show up with dinner or just arrive with wine and end up staying the night. But as recording was due to start you saw them less giving you time to catch up on your actual job of working for them in a staff sense.

Walking into the JYP building you were already checking your emails on your phone, new albums meant new promotions and new promotions meant a world of organization. Sitting yourself at your desk and putting through your order from the usual coffee place you had about 40 minutes before you had to be in the dance studio of the Stray Kids managers meeting which was something that you had not missed while being away on the tour. Getting your notes in order you started setting up meetings with the creative teams for their inputs on what the themes would be for not only the album but the music videos, and comebacks. You needed to have at least a skeleton of a plan that you could flesh out later. The drinks order arrived at reception and you went down to collect it before making your way to the dance studio where you knew the members and managers would be.

"Morning Minho" you greeted him softly while he opened and held the door for you then took one of the trays of drinks to help out.

"Hi kitten" he almost whispered, his eyes flicking to your lips quickly.

"Coffee" Hyunjin groaned groggily from where he was laying on the floor rolling onto his side to grin at you making you shake your head already feeling the start of exasperation leaking into your mood, if they hadn't slept then they would potentially start acting like fools.

"Morning guys, not much sleep I'm guessing" you raised your eyebrows sighing through your nose.

"Nah we're good, Hyunjin is just pouty this morning" Chan teased making Hyunjin roll his eyes dramatically and flop down flat on the floor again.

"Do I need to know?" you asked slowly, giving Chan then Han their drinks before you looked around for Felix.

"You know he gets grumpy if he gets pulled away from his art before he’s ready" Han grinned toothily as a hat came flying past your vision towards him.

"Of course" you muttered, handing Felix his coffee watching his eyes light up.

"Thank you" he piped in looking around to see if there were any other staff around but realized you were the only one with them currently "Thank you Jagi".

"You're welcome Lixie" you cooed taking the cup holder back over to the counter so you could get out the tablet and your phone for when the meeting started.

"You look pretty today Angel" Jeongin added, looking you up and down carefully "Is that?...".

"The top you bought me? Yes" you nodded watching the corners of his lips quirk up making you feel the urge to tease the younger man. "I'm pretty sure I only ever look good because you treat my wardrobe like I'm a doll you can dress up whenever you like Innie".

"Hush you love it" Minho muttered, smacking you on the arse as he went to sit down.

"So recording has been going for a few days right?" You looked over to Chan for his affirmation "Do you have ideas for which song you are wanting for the comeback track?".

"Yes and no" Changbin sighed heavily. "We have another session today which might change it but it depends how it goes".

"That is fine, I just will have to start meeting with the ideas people about concepts for your album and comebacks so when you have a decision just let me know" you explained easily.

"You are already working too hard if you are up to concepts" Chan scolded lightly.

"I promise I'm not, I just like to be prepared. After all you still need to do your half of the deal and record it all" you countered winking at him for good measure and making him flush slightly.

"Are you coming to the recording studio today?" Felix asked hopefully while moving to lay on Hyunjin's legs, who was still frowning lightly.

"Probably why did you need me to do something else instead?" you furrowed your brows looking down at your tablet to pull up an email that just arrived in your inbox about several other managers being needed for other meetings leaving you with the brunt of the actual in person work for the near future.

"No, we love it if you're there" he looked at you quickly giving you his best puppy eyes.

"Well considering that I'm the only one in for the rest of the day due to meetings, yes I am coming to the studio today" you half smiled.

Recording had been running smoothly, the bts filming of the recording wasn’t happening, so you had the luxury of being able to be slightly less guarded as the process unfolded around you outside of the boys of Versachoi was in today and with him in headphones you could get away with small touches and glances. With Han coaching Jeongin and Seungmin through what he wanted the vocals on the track to sound like you sat sandwiched between Felix and Minho neither being able to keep their hands off of you. Felix was cuddled against your side with his head on your shoulder while Minho slung one of his legs over yours while one of his hands played with your hair. Neither said much, just grumbling if you needed to move or speak to the others, everytime Chan spun his chair to face you asking your opinion on how it sounded or about their schedules a knowing look would cross his face leaving you with a sense of warmth in your chest. Your phone rang and you extracted yourself for Felix’s grip and Minho’s legs moving towards the door to answer your phone.

When you stepped into the hallway you continued watching the kids through the viewing window of the studio door. You had not missed the look Versachoi gave you as you crossed the room and it made you feel a strange uneasiness creep into your stomach. You dealt easily with the few issues in rescheduling a TV taping that the kids were meant to be attending but had been changed at the last moment, moving things for the following week to accommodate the station. Continuing to type away on another email you heard the door open from your place leaning against the wall opposite it but not looking up you were surprised when it wasn’t one of the kids voices that spoke to you.

“Chan says you work too much” Choi chuckled, stepping aside and leaning against the wall out so he was no longer visible from the studio.

“That is very much the pot calling the kettle” you smiled politely finishing your email and sending it.

“Look this might be a strange question but, are you involved with Chan?” he asked suddenly, flustering you to the point you almost dropped your phone.

“I’m sorry what?” you blinked at him, perplexed as to where that would even come from, you and he had probably had four conversations in all the time you had workday for JYPE and one of them was happening currently. Most of the interactions between him and Stray Kids was with the 3Racha team and you were never present so he was almost a stranger to you.

“That wasn’t polite” he admitted, looking away from you for a moment “You just seem a lot closer than just an artist and manager that's all”.

“I am not involved with Chan, I would consider him a close friend as we work so closely and I have a great deal of respect for him, but nothing more than that” you explained hoping this was all just a misunderstanding and that you would be able to talk your way out of it.

“Hyunjin told me you weren’t with him but I wasn’t sure if he was just saying that or not” Choi nodded, still not moving from his position beside the door.

“Hyunjin was telling the truth” you continued moving to step back into the studio.

“Well if you're single maybe we could grab dinner sometime, or just a drink if your schedule is tight” he smiled flirtatiously before making his way down the hallway leaving you to walk back into the studio still feeling an odd sense of trepidation.

“You ok pretty girl?” Han asked looking at you with concern “You look pale”.

“Um, yeah, Choi just asked me out since I’m not seeing Chan” you mumbled moving to sit back on the couch.

“Well you aren’t ‘just’ seeing Chan” Felix conceded, wrapping his arms around you again.

“He said he had asked Hyunjin who told him I was single” you swallowed looking at the fluffy blond hair spilling over your shoulder from where he had leant his head.

“But you aren’t single” Seungmin continued looking from you to Hyunjin and back again.

“It wouldn’t matter, I'm not interested in Choi regardless” you shrugged “He’s nice but I don’t actually know him”.

Chan frowned, turning back to the sound board and the others all seemed to be happy to go back to their previous activities for a few minutes until you were rejoined by Versachoi and your phone rang again. Once again stepping outside of the studio you were informed that a couple of meetings had been canceled so you would be relieved from studio duty by another one of the managers who was on his way, you would then have your break and after you had eaten your lunch you were needed to meet with the promotions department to go over idea to do with photocards and album editions for this next release. Reentering the studio the feeling in the room had definitely changed it now had an undercurrent of disquiet that you didn’t really want to deal with.

“I didn’t say anything wrong, it’s the truth, that’s exactly what it is” Hyunjin snapped defensively.

“Man, you have to think about this logically” Seungmin rolled his eyes as Chan pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It isn’t just your decision though it is?” Felix soothed softly, his hand squeezing his shoulder trying to calm the taller boy.

“Is everything alright?” you tilted your head after you closed the door quietly.

“Yeah, just a few lyric issues” Changbin huffed.

“I’m heading out for lunch and one of the others will be in with you for the rest of the day” you smiled tightly “If you need me just call I’m going to be with promotions so it’s not super important if something comes up down here”.

After sitting in a cafe down the street to have another, very, strong coffee and something to eat you made your way back to your desk to prepare for the promotions team, you had to go over which music shows they would make their comeback on and how many weeks they would be promoting. It was always a careful balance to give them enough air time to get the best sales and support but not so much that you oversaturated the audience and annoyed them or exhausted anyone to the point of injury. Your phone had stayed silent except for a text from Chan saying that he would like to speak to you later about the Hyunjin thing which you could understand.

Your afternoon wasn’t that productive, your mind drifting anytime you were uninterested in your work back to the look on Chan’s face and how annoyed he looked and the flippant way Hyunjin had ignored it. Something felt off but not in the way that you thought there was some disaster but more in the way that there must have been something wrong whether it be that he was still irritated from not being able to finish the art he had been working on or he was frustrated with the recording he had done so far for the album. But now that it was almost time for you to finish with your day you made your way to Chan’s studio to speak with him like he had asked you to earlier. Knocking you waited for him to let you in, your smile dropping when you took in the serious look on his face.

“Channie, what’s wrong?” you inquired sitting on the couch as he took a seat on his office chair by his desk.

“A few of us have had a few conversations this arvo” he started scratching the back of his neck “Obviously Hyunjin told Choi you were single but the rest of us don't see it that way which we realized might be a problem for you”.

“Alright, how do you see this situation then?” you countered watching his face flush slightly.

“It’s, um, a bit embarrassing actually” Chan mumbled “The agreements have always been short lived so it was exactly that a short term thing, everyone involved is single and consenting and then it ends when it ends” he explained and you nodded along remembering the conversations you had, had with him and that others regarding what was going to be expected from you and what you could expect from them. “But this agreement with you is not like the others so some of us, including myself, think of you as ours. Others think of this as a situationship, there are feelings involved but it's not definitely a dating thing and Hyunjin at least says he views you as though you are both single and consenting in a friends with benefit type relationship”.

“How much of a problem have I created?” you asked apologetically after a few moments of silence.

“You haven’t done anything” Chan assured you, smiling crookedly “It just seems some of us have caught way more feelings than the others”.

“So how does this work out then?” you sighed pragmatically, trying to keep your heart in check as much as you could “do you all need to sit down and talk it out about what you each want, or more importantly need?”.

“I think we probably do need to talk about this as a group but also once we figure this out have another conversation with you, even if it mean changing the terms of this agreement” Chan nodded seriously this crease between his brows making you feel terrible for lumping an extra helping of stress on his already burdened shoulders. You stood from the couch to move closer from him letting him decide if he was going to move his gaze to you or not. He slowly lifted his head a sad smile slipping across his handsome face, you leaned in just as slowly your lips meeting his in a far softer and more loving kiss than you had ever shared with Chan, or any of the others, as though he was reassuring you that no matter what his feelings were decided on. Leaving his studio you made your way back out to your desk to collect your things to make your way home. You guessed you also had a lot you needed to think over before the time came.

Your phone buzzing in your pocket brought you swiftly from your thoughts as back to the present Hyunjin’s name appearing in the bubble at the top of the screen, opening the message he asked if he was able to come see you this evening so you typed back a quick yes before tucking your phone back into your bag and waiting for your station to come into view. Hyunjin was waiting for you when you got to your apartment building sitting on the wall of the walkway to the entryway door dressed in a large hoodie, cap and face mask. He would have been totally anonymous to anyone else but you knew him so well that you could recognize him from his slouched posture.

“I wasn’t expecting you so soon” you admitted catching his attention and making him look up at you.

“I’m sorry, I can come back later” he sighed, almost sadly something indistinguishable swirling in his eyes.

“Don’t be silly Hyune come up” you chuckled letting him take your hand in his and intertwine your fingers together as you made your way inside together and up to your apartment. The elevator ride to your floor was silent making you worry slightly Hyunjin was always so soft and sweet with you, except when he was fucking you into the matress, so this was a distinct change for him. Ideas began popping into your head. Maybe the recording process was stressing him out, maybe he was feeling guilty about saying you were single or perhaps he had something he was hiding from you. Letting you and him into the apartment you slipped off your shoes and walked into your kitchen to turn on the kettle.

“Make yourself at home Hyunjin, I’m just going to change” you smiled watching as he pulled out a couple of mugs before making his way to the couch and flopping down on it. You pulled on some sweats and a large shirt that one of the boys had left behind wandering back into the lounge to see that he hadn’t moved his head still leaning back against the headrest with his eyes closed.

“Do you want some tea?” you asked, walking into the kitchen and making yourself some, when he didn’t answer you made him a cup too thinking you could just pour it out if he didn’t want it. You placed his mug on the table and sat at the other end of the couch waiting for him to speak, your hot cup cradled in your hand so that you could sip it when it cooled slightly. You waited sipping silently watching him breathing peacefully until you began to think he had fallen asleep.

“I need to talk to you about something” he finally said so quietly it was almost inaudible, his face looking almost grave for a moment.

“What happened Hyunjin?” you questioned wondering if there was an entirely separate issue that you were not aware of outside of what had happened at recording earlier in the day.

“I need to tell you something, I don’t want you to be angry or upset but I have to tell you I can’t hide it anymore” he almost pleaded with his eyes wide.

“Of course, you know you can always talk to me Hyunjin” you conceded, watching him intently now, you could notice the bluish purple hue that lingered below his eyes indicating it had been at least a few nights that he had not managed to get enough sleep.

“I want to stop the agreement” he blurted out, surprising you with how loud his voice was. “I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep telling myself you are mine when you aren’t, I want more than just this anymore and I can’t keep hurting myself anymore”. Silence surrounded you, suffocating you slowly as Hyunjin’s eyes filled with the same tears you could feel burning within your own.

“I understand Hyune” you shuddered “I never meant to hurt you”. He finally made eye contact with you pain etched so clearly on his devine features.

“Princess, you didn’t hurt me” he reassured you, taking your hand in his and letting his thumb stroke your knuckles soothingly. “I hurt myself by falling in love with you when I knew I shouldn’t”. You smiled weakly hoping that you could hide how much his confession hurt you, you cared for him so deeply that, had he been the only one in the agreement you would have told him you loved him too.

“We can go back to being friends though right? I don’t want you to shut me out Hyune” you sniffled.

“Of course, you are still my princess” he sighed, pulling you up so he could pull you into his arms and hold you tightly. “I’d kiss you goodbye but I think that will make this worse”.

“Yeah” you nodded against his chest not letting go of him yet.

“I will see you tomorrow, I’ll let myself out” Hyunjin cleared his throat untangling the pair of you and stepping away from you, you nodded again trying to smile but failing as he left your apartment the soft click of the door and the smell of his cologne on your clothes the only thing that now remained of what you were only a few minutes ago. Slumping back onto the chair you stared at the teacup on the table in front of you not really sure what to do other than cry for the man who loved you too much to be selfish, your heart broke at the realization. Hours had passed and when you finally registered that your phone was ringing you realized it was your morning alarm letting you know you had to leave for work in an hour's time. Doing the only thing you could think of in your emotional haze, you texted your manager to let him know that you were unwell and needed the day to get over whatever the bug you caught was and that you would be back the following day before you curled up under the covers to hide yourself away from the world.

At about 11 the first call from Chan came in saying he hoped you felt better, that they all missed you but you needed to rest and recover, a few minutes later another message arrived from Felix worrying that you weren’t well and that if you needed he would come over and take care of you. It continued throughout the day, each of the others messaging you to see if you were alright or needed anything. It wasn't until the ninth message that you had left on read that there was a loud knocking on your front door, dragging yourself to answer, you found yourself face to face with a worried looking Minho with an arm full of shopping bags.

“Oh kitten” he soothed stepping through your front door and placing the bags down on the hallway table to pull you against him tightly kissing your hair “my poor little kitten”.

“You have your schedule Minho, what are you doing here?” you sniffled not letting go of him to try to hide the tears that welled up again at his gentleness.

“My kitten needs someone to take care of her and apparently no one else has thought to, so here I am. I come bearing soup, ice cream, medicine and cuddles to try to help you recover?” he chuckled breathily at you clinging to him so tightly. “Let's get you sitting down and I’ll get you the soup first”.

Shuffling back into your lounge while still clinging to Minho was more difficult than you imagined but he managed to steer you around furniture and other obstacles until he could place you on the couch and escape your grip to get to the kitchen to get you utensils and a bowl. Returning to you quickly he took in your puffy red eyes, miserable expression and blotchy cheeks then frowned.

“Do you want to talk about it, kitten?” He sighed his face betraying the fact that he didn’t believe you were actually sick.

“I must have caught something from another manager I guess” you lied, looking up at him hopefully, you weren’t sure you could explain that Hyunjin had severed the agreement if he hadn’t yet told the other members without causing an issue that you didn’t yet want to fully deal with.

“Do you want to try again?I thought we trusted each other kitten?” he pushed gently pouting looking down at the food he had brought for you and busying himself with that.

“I trust you Minho, I always have” you sniffed again blinking rapidly to hold the tears back. “I just…I guess… I’m too invested in this now and I’m going to end up broken” you finally stammered hugging yourself tightly.

“Kitten, I can’t help if you don’t tell me” he hushed, sitting beside you and pulling you into his arms with your head tucked under his chin rocking you gently until he could feel your hiccuping breaths refusing to stop.

“Hyunjin doesn’t want to continue with the agreement, he said it hurts him too much and he can’t do it anymore” you admitted quietly looking up at him from where he was holding you against his chest.

“I knew he was hurting, I didn’t know he was going to do this though” he sighed, squeezing you slightly. “How about you eat something and then we can get you back into bed hmm” he reasoned, moving just enough that he could pull the bowl of soup towards you. Nodding you ate albeit reluctantly, Minho always showed his care through his actions so ensuring you had eaten and felt safe was the highest form of affection from him, you knew that so you did what you could to let him help. Taking your final mouthful he took the bowl and placed it back down before scooping you up and carrying you into your room and placing you in your bed carefully. Pulling your curtains closed he climbed in beside you pulling you back into his arms cradling you against his chest while he hummed softly fingers playing with your hair to help sooth you as much as he could.

“We all love you kitten, every single one of us, all in different ways. Hyunjin just seems to have actually fallen in love with you” Minho confessed barely above a whisper, the honest openness not lost on you.

“He can’t be in love with me” you murmured back exhausted “he deserves better than me”. You shut your eyes again but instead of hearing whatever the next words out of Minho’s mouth you concentrated on the sound of his heartbeat letting it lull you into the sleep you so desperately needed.

Your dreams were strange one moment you were reliving the conversation in your living room Hyunjin’s face distraught as you both wept and in the next you had your back against the cushions of the couch his lips covering your exposed skin in kisses while his hand snaked into your clothes his expert fingers finding your folds and teasing them as you arched into him. It was so vivid that you couldn’t help the moan that fell from your lips as his deft fingers began exploring your entrance. Chuckling quietly you felt yourself shake awake only to find something entirely different.

“Dreaming of Hyunjin, kitten?” Minho smirked, sinking one of his fingers into your slick entrance, the slight stretch making you mewl “I don’t mind but you seemed so sad I thought I’d help”.

“Min” you purred, lifting your head to press your lips to his, encouraging him to continue. He brought his thumb to your clit lazily rubbing tight circles to give you just enough pleasure to make you whine “please don’t tease me Min”.

“You're so pliant when you're sleepy my kitten” he grinned wickedly slowly pushing another finger into you picking up his pace as he curled them inside you massaging your velvety walls perfectly. Pressing his lips against yours once more he kissed his way down your throat enjoying the soft gasps that continued to fall from your lips only pulling his mouth from your flesh to pull your shirt up far enough to reattach himself to your chest licking and sucking his way to your now pert nipples.

“Minho” you gasped again feeling the familiar warmth coiling in your belly.

“Shhh let me love you how I want kitten” he murmured against your skin before sucking a mark into the side of your left breast knowing it would only be seen by the pair of you. “Love covering you in my marks kitten, marking you as mine” he groaned as you moaned loudly the squelch of his fingers pumping in and out of you getting louder the wetter you got.

“I’m so close” you whined rocking your hips to meet his fingers to help fuck yourself on his digits.

“Not yet” he teased, pulling his fingers from you quickly and putting them in his mouth to suck them clean. “So sweet for me, so wet”. Pulling you up from the bed he rid you of your shirt quickly leaving you bare, your sweatpants long gone from before he even started toying with you. Effortlessly he lifted your legs to rest them on his shoulders giving his access to your arse which he started groping the soft flesh he bent forward licking a slow stripe through your now drenched folds huffing a soft laugh as you groaned loudly “Such a good kitten”.

“Minho, please” you whined, your legs now pressed to our chest, taking his cock in his hand he dragged it up and down your slit catching it against your clit and making you hiss before impaling you fully on his length.

“So fucking tight” he groaned as he began thrusting into you his deep languid thrusts letting you feel every inch of his perfect cock. His hips snapped against yours as he dropped one hand down your leg, his deft fingers circling your clit in time with his thrusts.

“Fuck Minho” you whimpered feeling the coil tightening rapidly inside you, his thrusts deep enough to hit the gummy spot inside you “Fuck”.

“That’s it kitten” he growled, speeding up his thrusts as he felt your walls fluttering around you. Your vision went blank as you felt your orgasm crash over you like white hot flames, your walls clamping around him as you shook beneath him. Fucking you through your orgasm he quickly followed you over the edge thrusting into you sloppily as he emptied himself inside you.

“Mmmm” you hummed trying to catch your breath, Minho carefully pulled himself from you kissing your forehead as he reached for a few tissues to clean himself up before getting up and going into the bathroom to turn on the shower.

“Since it’s still not time for dinner, how about we get cleaned up and we go out to eat? I’ll call Chan and a few of us can all hang out” he suggested, not really waiting for an answer as he pulled you to the edge of the bed and helped you towards the shower.

“Is this just a ploy for shower sex?” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“No promises kitten” he smirked ushering you into the bathroom and into the warm water.

A/N: Thank you for reading as always your likes, reblogs and comments are the light in the darkness for me my loves xx

Taglist (closed): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @symptoms-of-moonlight, @septicrebel, @ayoitschannie, @krishastumblernow, @tangerminie, @elizalabs3, @armystay89, @septemberkisses, @stay-bi, @seolarflare, @damnyouficc, @eastleighsblog, @wohaku, @bakedlilgoonie, @roamingpolar, @tara-skyhold, @spacegirlstuff, @queenmea604, @fawnpeaks, @3rachasninja, @mrsseals16, @leeknowinggg, @hyunlixsbbygirl, @obeythemasters, @tanzen-ist-gold, @freckleboilix, @junebug032 @hellothisisprincesskitty

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ciaomarie · 6 months ago

Text

Part 6: What Then?

It's over kids! The longest and final chapter is done. Chris Storer & Co. are probably going to put our beloveds through it in S3, but until then let's enjoy our low-key angst and romance. Post Season 2, Canon-Compliant, swoony, girly, fluffy. A happy-ending obviously.

After 10 years of grinding himself into dust Carm’s body began to surrender. About a month after The Bear’s opening, he came down with a cold that turned into a low-grade fever, a bitter cough with lime green mucus, night sweats, and mind-numbing exhaustion. After two days Sydney and Fak showed up to his apartment and dragged him to the emergency room. It was pneumonia and dehydration. The young male doctor muttered that his lungs sounded just like his father’s, a 40-year smoker. Yes, pneumonia was the primary reason, but a man Carmy’s age should be in better shape. He was out of commission for a whole week. The regret of letting down The Bear crew so soon after the Friends and Family fiasco motivated him to make a couple changes. First, he allowed himself only one emergency cigarette a day, which he needed less and less. Second, he went outside on Mondays, when the restaurant was closed. If the temperature was over 30℉, he took the train or walked to a park. His favorites were Humboldt and the Garfield Park Conservatory. Today he had come to the latter with his sketchbook and pencils in his backpack. Since the renovation he had continued drawing.

As he went towards to his favorite bench, he noticed a slender woman walking ahead of him. Her height, long swishing braids and jacket were identical to Syd’s. He compulsively began jogging towards her. Before he could call out her name, the woman pounced on a tall lanky man in front of her, wrapping her arms around his waist. Carmen had the sensation of being pushed off a diving board unexpectedly, his stomach pitching forward, unable to breathe much less scream before slamming into the water like a brick. The man turned and picked up Sydney up, planting a kiss on her mouth. He spun her around and…she wasn’t Syd. Thank God.

Carm made his way to the bench and hunched over, his head in his hands. She wasn’t Syd he recanted over and over until the feeling of relief gave way to self-reproach. This time it wasn’t her, but one day it would be. Would he be able to live with that? Uncle Jimmy’s warning not to be an overthinking manichino flashed in his mind. It was time to do something. He took out his sketchpad and began thumbing through it, an idea beginning to take shape. Hopefully, it wouldn’t scare Syd away.

The following Monday Sydney was in her cousin’s salon getting her entire life. Her microbraids were taken out, her hair was washed, deep conditioned, her scalp massaged, and now she was getting box braids put in. They were accented with delicate gold hair cuffs. She drowsed in the chair, with an almost empty to-go container of jollof rice in her lap, as her cousin and another hair stylist quietly discussed the latest season of Love is Blind.

“Sydney babe, would you ever go on Love is Blind?” her cousin, Ashley, asked in a louder tone.

Syd startled and rubbed her eyes.

“Never. That’s insane.”

“I got a message on IG that it’s coming to Chicago. You live and breathe your job so when are you going to meet somebody? Maybe your soulmate is in one of those pods!”

“Why don’t you apply then? You could find “love” and get more exposure for the salon.”

“Same for you and your restaurant ma’am, but I have a man.”

“Since when?”

“Since three months ago. His name is David, he’s a chemical engineer and the son of you know, Ms. Jumoke, she goes to the African church on Mackinaw…St. Paul.”

“Yeah, I remember her. Her sister used to watch me when my dad worked nights.”

“Anyways, back to you. Are you dating anyone, or should I send you the show application?”

“I don’t think love is blind. Have you seen the people they cast? Nobody too unfortunate-looking gets on. It’s so shallow.”

“Ha! You’re one to talk. You have a very distinct type…white boys with tats and muscles.”

“Ashley, there’s been two of them. Like, that’s not a pattern.”

“No, three! This boss, no “partner”, of yours, had Sydney written over him. The family never sees you anymore.”

“I came to lunch at uncle and auntie’s last month! Besides, opening a new business is like having a kid. You know this.”

“Sure, but when I had dinner at your restaurant and you introduced us, he complimented you for five minutes and then followed you to the kitchen like a whipped puppy.”

Sydney grinned biting her lower lip and covered her eyes. Her cousin stopped braiding and hugged her.

“Aww…my baby cousin is finally going to get some!”

“ASHLEY!” Sydney groaned pushing off her cousin’s arms.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop, but I am happy for you. He is sexy. That neck is thicker than a tree stump.”

Sydney who had just taken a sip of her sweet tea, spat it out all over the mirror.

“That’s on you, Ashley!” she choked out between laughing and coughing.

When she was able to contain herself, she tried to reel her cousin back in. Talking about romantic potential with Carmy gave her too much pleasure. If he was content with the status quo she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

“Nothing really is going on. We’re business partners and we’re pretty good friends and it’s probably best we keep it that way.”

“Yes, and he gave you an equal share in the restaurant out of the friendly kindness of his heart.”

“You know, I think he would do that, because I’ve put in so much work, but it did feel like it was something more, at least his Uncle Cicero or Jimmy seemed to think so.”

“Girl, watch out. His sister and an uncle like you!? Would you take his last name, hyphenate, or keep Adamu?”

“Ugh, I’m not going there with you! Shouldn’t you be done with my hair by now?”

“If you want it done right it’ll be 2 more hours. If you don’t…30 minutes?”

“Fine, take your time but please let me sleep.”

Sydney closed her eyes, admiring her self-control. She hadn’t told Ashley that Carmy asked her to come by The Bear this evening. He was reworking a few old dishes. The invite was made at the end of the night a few days ago while they were turning off the lights. She said yes as they pulled down the last switch and she couldn’t see his expression, but she heard him exhale loudly as if he feared she’d decline. Sometimes they meet up on Mondays to network with vendors or collaborate on menu ideas, so this wasn’t out of the ordinary. However, she intuited he was hiding something again like when he and Nat surprised her with a share in the restaurant. This time she didn’t pester him for details, knowing that it was probably worth waiting for.

When Syd arrived home at 3:00 pm she could’ve folded laundry and watched an episode of Psych, but she decided to pretend this was a date; well, like she was preparing for a date. It was a long time since her last. She had entered the Convent of Failed Dreams after Sheridan. Then The Beef/The Bear became her world. The light blue cuffed jeans and stripped white and mint green button-down shirt she was wearing was more than appropriate for a food brainstorming session. However, Carmy’s mysterious attitude might be concealing more great news. She might as well look good when and if he had some.

She took a luxuriously long shower, shaved, and rubbed in her mandarin-scented body oil. Then she entered slowly sifted through her closet considering a red jumpsuit, or just nicer jeans and a blouse when her eyes fell on her marigold-colored shirt dress. It was knee length, comfortable, but chic and the color made her complexion pop. She paired it with a brown and gold oval buckle belt and brown flats because she might be standing in the kitchen for hours. After a short struggle she decided to keep the top two buttons of her shirt dress open. It was only a collar bone, not cleavage. Then she considered makeup. She hated wearing a lot of it; her skin felt suffocated with foundation. She did her brows, applied mascara, a little mineral powder, a smidge of highlighter on her cheekbones, and finished with the Fenty “Hot Choclit” gloss bomb her cousin had given her as part of a set for Christmas. Her new braids with the gold cuffs made the look even better and Sydney couldn’t help admiring herself more than usual in her floor-length mirror. She felt so delicious that she ordered an Uber rather than sit on the train. She would take it later or maybe Carm would give her a ride home.

Just before she could lock the door Emmanuel came up the stairwell, his face lighting up.

“My baby girl, you are stunning! Where are you headed?”

“Thanks, daddy. I’m just going to the restaurant. Felt like dressing up for once.”

“So, is it a staff meeting?”

“No, just working on some recipes. I gotta go. My Uber’s waiting.”

Emmanuel leaned against the door and nodded with a sly smile.

“Oh okay, I see. Tell Carmen I said hello. Have fun!”

Sydney’s eyes widened and she ran down the stairs waving goodbye. Her voice couldn’t be trusted.

When the car arrived at the restaurant, the sky was overcast, the evening darker than usual for the time of year. She let herself in and observed the layout. The lights were low, and the back center booth was set for dinner, with a single table candlelit. She could see Carmy in the kitchen already sautéing something. She was headed towards him when he looked up, seeing her through the window and rushed to meet her in the front.

“Syd don’t-” he began before he was immobilized by the vision before him.

Sydney was similarly taken with him and marveled at how often they were of the same mind. Carm was wearing a crisp button-down blue shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, the shirt tucked into dark navy pants, and he had gotten a haircut. Somehow it made his eyes stand out more. The sides were moderately tapered, his hair on top remained almost as long as before, and one of his rogue curls was damp against his forehead. He was perspiring, apparently having been cooking for a while.

“Nice haircut”, “You look amazing” they began at the same time and laughed nervously.

Carmy started again, beating his trusty spoon against his palm.

“So, the food is almost done. Just have a seat over there and I’ll be right out.”

Sydney nodded, a little confused and excited for this change of plans. She sat in the booth and noticed the speakers were playing The Teskey Brothers’ “Take My Heart.” She leaned back and closed her eyes letting the lyrics wash over her, her emotions stirring with that sweet ache.

“Take the time to notice what you really need, 

You’ll find it’s a little more simple, than what you thought before,

But I can say for certain that I’ve got more than I ever had before,

By remembering the little things that make my heart warm.

So take my heart and cut it into two,

After all the only thing missing from me was you,

You’re all I want, you’re all I need, you’re the air I breathe,

Cause after all the only thing missing from me was you.”

“Hey, are you good?” Carmy asked approaching the booth with their plates.

Sydney sat up and cleared her throat.

“Yes, I’m good. I really like that song. Reminds me of-“

“Otis Redding?”

“Yeah.”

Carm carefully placed the plates on the table.

“Well, speaking of throwbacks, I made-”

“Pork confit with onions and rhubarb!”

“Yes, and after we’ll have Milk and Honey.

Sydney bit the inside of her mouth trying to absorb what seemed to be happening. Carm muttered something about getting their drinks and went to the bar for their club sodas. Sydney remained mute, not knowing if she should ask him what this meant now or let it play out. “Don’t get ahead of yourself”, she admonished her heart.

He returned to the booth with their drinks and encouraged her to start, rubbing his chin as she put the first bite in her mouth.

“That’s it Carmy. Maybe even better than the first time,” Syd purred the pork melting on her tongue and some of her anxiety with it.

He blushed and began eating too.

“It is pretty good. Eleven Madison Park taught me a lot.”

The meal was mostly silent except for the occasional ejaculation over some element of the dish. Carmy couldn’t help gazing at Syd, taking in each detail, and rejoicing in the whole. The dip above her collar bone that rose and fell whenever she swallowed, made his head swim. Her lovely face was absolutely regal framed by her new box braids. Syd’s brown skin glowed in the candlelight and a heavenly citrus scent emanated from her. Whenever her eyes caught his obvious staring, he was too filled with gratitude to look away. Sydney’s eyes were soft and filled with kindness for this dear, lovestruck man. He looked helpless. In moments like this she remembered her capacity to build or obliterate him at will. “Go with the flow” she reminded herself.

After they finished the main, Carmy took their plates and returned, with dessert, Milk and Honey. Syd lit up at the sight and when she tried it a wave of surprise flitted across her face.

"Is that mango? I didn't taste it at first, but then it like...bloomed at the back. Wow!"

"I thought it could use a Sydney twist. You always grab the mango lollipops off Sug's desk."

She resumed eating her dessert. Carm noticed everything about her. She'd played the Teskey Brothers, once or twice while they cleaned after a service, comparing them to Otis.

The Milk and Honey was devoured too soon and just as she wondered what else was on the agenda, Carmy took their bowls and returned with a package tied with twine. He set it in front of her, hands trembling, and sat a little further away than before. Syd perceiving his anxiety didn't raise any questions. She untied the string, removed the wrapping paper, revealing a red leather hand-bound notebook. The cover was engraved with her initials. On the first page was one of Carmy's drawings. It was a curbside view of The Bear. Several lined pages followed, then a drawing of the grapes in bone marrow broth. This alternating of lined pages and his pictures continued throughout the thick notebook. There were more pictures of their recipes, the various designs of her head scarves, and some were of her in different attitudes. In one she was leading expo with the confidence of Napoleon, and another was a portrait, her chin leaning on her hand, with a faraway expression in her large brown eyes. There were several others, so perceptive that Sydney felt naked. Adored. The final picture was surreal. It was a profile of Carmy's head the entirety of which was filled with Sydney wearing a hopeful smile and the scarf and shirt she'd worn her first day at The Beef.

She couldn't stop looking at it, her index finger tracing the lines.

"Sy-d" Carmen croaked his voice thick.

Breaking.

She looked up to find red-brimmed blue eyes searching hers.

"Come here" she breathed and no sooner than she blinked he was at her side.

"Syd" he tried again. Hyperventilating.

"Say more", she gently commanded smoothing his hair back before taking his hand in her lap.

This disarmed him, and he grinned in surprise. That was his line.

"Okay."

Breathe

"I want you Syd. I want to be with you.”

Breathe

“I want to do everything with you or not at all."

Then for the first time he wanted to say the words that had been a weapon for most of his life. They either were forced on him or yanked from him. His mother thought those words meant meekly submitting to her abuse. For Mikey it was cutting him off, so he wasn't exposed to his self-destruction. He never got to say it all. Claire believed it was part of a script. If he would only play his role and ignore who they were underneath, those words would become true enough.

Now, he had a new idea about those words, and they were wrapped up in this beautiful, talented, funny, tender, generous, stubborn, loyal, woman. His friend.

Suddenly they didn't hurt. He continued leaning to rest his forehead on hers.

"I love you."

Sydney blinked slowly as if in a trance, tears dropping to their joined hands.

Carm didn't move, but his face was filled with concern.

'Syd, are you-" he started to ask. Then he was spinning.

Sydney kissed him.

His neurons habitually used to process grief, anxiety, and small doses of happiness, trembled with the unusual amount of joy coursing through him.

Sydney was delirious. Her only thought was, he loves me.

Carmy couldn't close his eyes. The curve of her soft cheek so near his made him want to cry.

Then he did, for Sydney said,

"I love you, too."

#the bear #Please schedule an intervention if I post any more fics this weekend #sydcarmy #sydney x carmy #carmy x sydney #sydney adamu #fan fiction #syd adamu #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto #sappy #slow burn

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