#and then they proceeded to bake a cake

[creamkins]

tumblr really saw a normal ingredient in most cakes (vanilla extract) and said ah yes. meme

[primelinchen-the-second]

So at work we get some tip money, usually it's copper. I collect the money at home sorted, so that if we run low on one kind of coin I can bring some and we exchange it. That's also the money I take when I go on longer train travels because there's always some beggars at train stations. And since we haven't needed the 1ct, 2ct and 5ct coins in a long time I decided to just grab all of them and give them to the guy in front of the train station.

Y'all.

His face was pure and utter confusion followed by such joy it could have lit up the whole sky

[azzo0]

Happy Mama Day

Summary: Touya and the kids surprise you for Mother's Day.

Contains: soft Touya, fluff, kids n sappy stuff

Pairing: Touya x f!reader

wc: 2.1k

Based on this idea.

Touya buried his face under a blanket when little hands slapped his cheek. A little girl's voice screamed at him excitedly to wake up. He opened his eyes slightly, sighing into the pillow when both his kids started jumping on the bed, singing, "Wake up! Wake up!"

"Daddy, Daddy, Keiko said it's Mama day today!" His son yelled, pulling the blanket off him.

"It's called Mother's Day, not Mama Day, Takeo." His daughter sassed, crossing her arms as if she knew some great secret her younger brother didn't.

"Stop jumping, Takeo. I'm up." Touya sighed, sitting up and running a hand through his snowy hair, disheveled from sleep. Takeo jumped into Touya's lap, making him let out an 'oomph.'

"Daddy, Keiko told me-" the three-year-old began. Sometimes, Toya was surprised by how fluently the child could speak since most three-year-old's he knew yapped in baby language. He talked to Rei about it, and she told him he used to be the same.

"Keiko-Nee." He corrected, his gaze shifting to his eldest. She excitedly crawled to him and sat on her knees excitedly. He ruffled her bright red hair and looked down at Takeo, "What did she tell you?"

"Keiko-Nee told me that her teacher told her it's Mama Day!" The boy exclaimed.

"Is it?" He hummed.

"Can we do something special for Mama when she gets back from work?" Keiko asked. "My teacher told me you can show your thanks to your mothers today! Let's do something special!"

"How do we show our thanks?" Takeo asked, tilting his head.

"We can make her cards and make her favorite food or buy her gifts!"

Takeo gasped and looked up at Touya with wide eyes, the same colour as yours, "Does that mean we can cook a cake?"

"Bake a cake," Touya threw the child over his shoulder and got off the bed, holding a hand out for Keiko. She took his hand and jumped off the bed, "Sure we can, but first you two need to eat breakfast, clean up your rooms, get ready for the day, do your homework and then we'll bake Mama a cake, okay?"

"It's not fair that I have homework and Takeo doesn't!" Keiko lamented, puffing her cheeks out.

"He does have homework. He has a colouring book to fill. Isn't that right, Taki?"

The three year old nodded his head even though he wasn't sure what 'homework' was. Touya took the kids downstairs and made them sit at the dining table. He went into the kitchen and put on the apron. He took out a few eggs and beat them up with milk and sugar. He dipped slices of bread inside the eggs and then fried them, keeping them a little soft because that's the way his babies liked it.

He took the plates out in the dining room, setting them in front of the kids, "Eat up."

"Thank you," the two chimed.

He sat across from Keiko and Takeo. He sighed when Takeo began breaking the bread into bits without putting them in his mouth. Touya quickly finished his breakfast and helped Takeo with his. After breakfast, the kids followed him upstairs so they could clean their bedrooms. Keiko was six, old enough to make her bed and tidy her room, but Takeo still needed help, given he was only three.

He folded Takeo's blanket and kept it in the crib while Takeo picked up the toys littered on the floor and dumped them in the toybox. Once Touya was done with Takeo's room, he went to Keiko's room, watching his daughter huff and puff as she folded her giant blanket all by herself. She turned to him after she was done, flexing her arms, "I did it by myself!"

"You did great, Keiko." He lowered his back with Takeo on his hip and kissed Keiko's hair. He took her hand and led the kids to the bathroom.

He put Takeo down, took Keiko's unicorn toothbrush, put a small amount of toothpaste on it and handed it to her. He then proceeded to put toothpaste on Takeo's smaller shark toothbrush. He gave him the toothbrush and watched him look up at his sister and try to imitate her. Touya smiled to himself and took his toothbrush hanging beside yours. He brushed his teeth along with his kids and then helped them wash their faces, making them giggle when he patted them dry.

"Cake time!" Keiko squealed, stomping downstairs with Takeo chanting 'cake' behind her.

"Homework first, you two." Touya reminded sternly.

"But I don't have school tomorrow. I can do it later!" Keiko whined, "And Taki's homework isn't even real homework! You just make him sit down and colour a bunch'a pages so you can watch soccer on the TV!"

Toya raised his eyebrows amusedly as Keiko tapped her foot on the floor impatiently. He let out a chuckle and turned to the kitchen, "Alright, alright. Just don't make a mess, okay?"

"Yes!!" She exclaimed, taking Takeo's hand and following after her father.

Touya helped Keiko and Takeo into little aprons and rummaged through the cabinets, looking for the cake mix he bought ages ago. It's not that he didn't know how to bake a cake from scratch, but with two kids involved, the kitchen was bound to get chaotic. He found a vanilla cake mix and took out a bowl and a hand beater, setting everything on the counter. He opened the flaps of the cake mix as the kids watched him excitedly. He took out a white coloured packet and cut it open with a pair of scissors.

"Can I put it in the bowl?" Keiko asked.

"Sure ya can. Come closer." He handed her the packet, and she carefully put the mix into the bowl. Keiko snatched the cake mix box and read the instructions, squinting her eyes as she tried to read the sentences.

"It says to... mix water, oil, 'n eggs with a mixer on... meedum...?"

"Medium," Toya corrected, encouraging her to go on.

"...speed or beat by hand for two minutes." She finished with a grin. Touya patted her hair and measured out the water and oil, which Takeo insisted he wanted to pour. Touya picked up Takeo so he could reach for the cups he had measured. He watched Takeo pick up the cup of oil in his chubby hands and empty it into the cake mix, followed by the water.

"You want to crack the egg?" Toya asked Keiko, smiling when she nodded excitedly. He showed her how to crack an egg and then handed her another one. She managed to crack the egg and let its contents fall into a bowl.

"Do we beat with an electric mixer or hand?" Keiko asked.

"Hand beater," Toya replied. He mixed the ingredients and then let Keiko take over for a little bit. Of course, Takeo didn't want to be left out and had to take a turn whipping the batter.

"And then we pop it in the oven," Touya transferred the batter into a cake pan and put it in the oven that had been preheating for some time.

"Daddy, while we wait, let's make Mama a birthday card!" Keiko exclaimed, pulling on his hand.

"I've got some cleaning up to do, Kei. You make one with your brother-"

"No! Don't you gotta wish Mom Happy Mother's Day too?" Keiko put her foot down and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes, let's make a mama card," Takeo added.

"Fine," Touya sighed, "Let's go make a mama card."

He sat on the floor in the living room with the kids. Keiko handed him and Takeo A4-size papers and let them use her sketch pens and colour pencils. She told him how to make a card, speaking as if she was giving away the world's darkest secret, "So, basically, you fold it in half like this, and then you write 'Happy Mother's Day' in fancy handwriting. You can make a drawing if you wanna, and then on the inside, you thank Mama for all she's done. Any questions?"

"No, ma'am, thank you." Dabi picked up a blue sketch pen and nudged Takeo, "Say thanks to your sister, Taki."

"Fanks."

Touya had never made cards for anyone before. Sure, he'd received plenty of sweet ones from you, but he never gave you one in return. He folded the paper in half and tried mustering up his fanciest handwriting, which turned out looking like a doctor's note. He picked up a red sketch pen and threw in a couple of hearts and smiley faces.

He moved on to the inside of the card, and that's where he got stuck. The green sketch pen hovered over the paper as he thought of what to put inside. He had so much he wanted to thank you for. Your love, your support and your kindness. The list went on and on. He glanced up from the paper to see Keiko beautifully decorating the card while Takeo went on a scribbling spree. He smiled softly at the kids and looked down at the paper. He knew just what to write.

You knocked on the door and yawned, bringing a hand to cover your mouth. It had been a long day at work, but you couldn't wait to greet your husband and kids and then spend some time together on the couch after dinner. You heard a few excited cries, and the door was thrown open.

"HAPPY MAMA DAY!!" Takeo screamed, hugging your leg.

"Happy Mother's Day!" Keiko exclaimed with a grin, hopping from foot to foot.

"Oh, my babies." You smiled and stepped inside, pulling them both in a hug. You kissed their cheeks and made them giggle. "Thank you so much."

"No, thank you for all you do, Mama! You're so cool!" Keiko beamed.

"So cool!" Takeo agreed.

"Okay, okay, let ya mama breathe." You looked up when you heard Touya's voice. His lips tugged up on the side in a smirk, "Hey. Happy Mama Day."

"Thank you," you laughed, kissing his cheek.

"We baked you a cake, and Papa made your favorite dinner!" Keiko exclaimed, "We also made you cards!"

"Mhm?" You took the card from Keiko and read through it with a stupid grin. You kissed her nose, "Aww, thank you, Kei. You're so sweet."

"Here is my mama card." Takeo waved his drawing in front of your face. You took it from him and gushed over the stick figures of him and you holding hands.

"It's lovely, thank you, Taki." You squished his cheeks together lovingly.

"Papa, where's your card?" Keiko asked.

"I didn't make any. What are you talking about?" Touya shrugged.

"Lies!"

Touya sheepishly revealed the hand in which he held the card. You got up from the floor and took the card, giggling at his messy handwriting adorned with hearts, flowers and smiley faces. It was so unlike him. You flipped it open and read it.

Happy Mama Day, wifey.

There's a lot I wish I could say to you more often, but putting it here feels easier. Thank you for all that you've done for me and our kids. Thank you for being by my side when nobody was and for holding my hand on sleepless nights and shooing away my nightmares. Thanks for dragging me out of my depressive episodes and taking me on ice cream dates. I'll never forget them. The ice cream was delicious, by the way.  

Thank you for birthing our beautiful children. I'm so lucky to have you by my side to raise our kids. You're my definition of a blessing in human form.

With love,

Your handsome husband,

Touya

(P.S. You have a nice butt)

Your hands quivered as you read the note. Your eyes blurred with hot tears. They fell onto the card, and he pulled you into him and kissed your temple. You wrapped your arms around him and buried your nose in his chest, feeling his warmth seep into your skin, "Thank you, Touya."

"My words hit ya that deep? Maybe I should be a poet." He chuckled, combing your hair with his fingers.

"There's nothin' poetic about it." You muffled into his chest. You pulled away and pressed a kiss on his lips. His hand went to rest on your lower back as he leaned into you.

You were aware of the kids watching, so you pulled away and glanced back to see Keiko pretending to be very interested in the door handle while Takeo tugged at his sister's sleeve. You chuckled and held an arm open, "Come here, Keiko, Takeo."

You scooped up Takeo while Touya picked up Keiko. You let your head rest against Touya's shoulder, your heart brimming with joy and contentment, "I love my little family."

[fuckyeahizzyhands]

Con and Izzy tidbits from The Republic of Pirates convention 22–24 November 2024 :) ❤

(reconding of any kind was prohibited, this is compiled from I and other people managed to note down :) <3, photos were allowed at panels)

What Con shared Izzy at MeetAndGreet and Fanmeet:

Izzy's hidden wrist tattoo: the name of Izzy’s lover who’s connected to the emerald ring has been on Con’s wrist in S2, under the glove; there is also a scar through the name; Con has a photograph on his phoen and talked about doing doing a raffle with David’s permission where the winner would get the name; they thought they were going to show it while shooting the death scene but then they put Taika on the other side so he had to use his left hand

The flavour of the toe: the toe was made from carrot cake with raspberry sauce

About his input for Izzy’s costume: he didn’t want him to have spurs because Izzy is a climber and rigger and they would not be practival for that; he loved the whip but they had to go through a lot of versions how to carry it; they want to make him another leather pants for the topless scenes that would be more „hugging of his bits“ but he nixed that idea

About scars on Izzy’s back: orginally there was supposed to be a back tattoo that would be lacerated by the scars but they didn’t have the time and butdget to do it („the scars didn’t také that long, but shaving my back…“ and proceeded to tell a story about how some years ago a production waxed his back ending in a straight line in the middle of the buttock only 4-5 days before the shooting, it resulted in a rash and Con had to do the scene laying on his back anyway)

Con & Nathan’s panel:

(they were so brilliant and funny and cute together, I wish recording had been allowed)

At the start: Con: Everybody say Fuck. Audience: FUCK! Con: Thank you.

Nathan: ...ask me about my flourishing career. Fan: Oh, did you like read my mind or something… that was on the tip of my… Con: The tip of your… Nathan: Conathan oh nonathan, we’re in public.

Fan: Is it true that when David Jenkins said he was gonna make Izzy convincingly pretend to die that you demanded in compensation a scene where you got to prance around with your tits out? Con: No. Trust me, he wrote the topless scene before he wrote the death scene. Cos he's met you fuckers.

Nathan: Lucius is a true alpha. Con: That’s a t-shirt you’re never gonna see. Nathan: Lucius is the true alpha, I'm not joking, make merch. Con: But alpha would be spelled: A, double B, A.

Fan: What was the weirdest question you got asked at convention? Con: Oh, we don't have time. Nathan: ...I've been asked whether Lucius is the top or bottom. Con: What's the answer? Nathan: The answer is, you'll never know, honey. Con: Oh, I think we know.

Fan: If your characters were forced at knife point to bake and decorate a cake, what kind of cake do you think Con: If I was forced at knife point to decorate a cake? THIS is the weirdest fucking question I've ever been asked. If it was for you lot, there would have to be cocks and jizz in it somewhere. Nathan: Jizz in it? Con: And that's quite easy to do with icing. Yeah, so probably that. (Con and Nathan start to wonder why is sb holding them at a knifepoint, Nathan says that Lucius’ would be bad bc he would be terrified, Con pretends to hold a knife to reenact the scene with shouting: DECORATE THE CAKE! :D)

Fan: What are you a fan of? Con: Cheese. I just wanna make cheese.

(a callback to Con's Jim from Midsomer Murders and a big thank you to the person who gave me this! :) <3)

Who would they want to work with (that they haven’t before)? Con - Tina Fey, Al Pacino, Keri Russell and would love to work with Russell T. Davies again. Nathan - Kathryn Hahn, Maya Rudolph.

Fan: What's the perfect cheese plate? Con: Oh, how long have we got? It's got to have chutney. It's got to have chutney, but it's got to have a homemade... ff they put Branston on the plate, I'm like, what the fuck? Anyone can do this. A cheese plate is a work of art. It's got to have hard and soft cheese. It's got to have soft cheese that's been at room temperature for some time. It's got to have innovative crackers. If you give me Branston and the Jacob’s, you can fuck off. It's got to have some onion though as well, whether it's a pickled onion or just sliced. And it's got to be a good mixture. So minimum four, preferably five different cheeses. There's got to be blue. I prefer a soft blue, but it's not contractual. There's got to be a very strong cheese. There's got to be some kind of cheddar. And there's gotta be... I like a goat's cheese, which isn’t for everyone. And THEN... yeah, I could be here all day answering that question. (until the end of the convention Con sometimes stands up with „So, cheese…“ :D) Also later they are asked about their favourite cheese and it’s Brie for Nathan and Blue Brie for Con.

Fan: If Izzy and Lucius lived in modern times and couldn’t be pirated anymore what kind of job would they have? Lucius would be a gossip columnist, researching assistant for an old professor that he thinks is an idiot or for a Tory MP, Con first starts talking about the movie Day of the Jackal and that Izzy would be like a character there „give us a quid or I stab you“ but then says: Another thing Izzy would be is really angry chef – and if anyone would compain and sent the meat back… it would be returned with something else in it.

(let me point you to this wonderful comic that Cliopadra made after this panel :D <3)

Fan: Did you také anything from the OFMD set or would you have liked to? Con: Well, only found out recently that some of us did. I’m fucking furious that I didn't. I would have taken the waistcoat and I would have taken the glove, but I didn't. Because nobody told me we were cancelled. Nathan would have taken the finger if he could, but the costume team made him another military jacket from the last episode.

What country that they haven’t been to would they like to visit? Con – Iceland. Nathan – Canada.

Fan: We heard from Samba that he would have liked for Roach to have gone out in a really chaotic way, taking as many enemies with him as possible. And I wondered if either of you had anything that would have liked your character to go or an alternative... Con: Live. Nathan: My ideal ending for the show is that there's this big, epic battle, a huge bloody 20 minutes battle. Everyone dies. Somehow Lucius survives the very end, stows away, and then Lucius is the final victor, and he's walking away, and just trips, hits his head and dies.

Con said he would like to do more comedy.

If they did a similar show like OFMD but in another era, what it would be? Con: Cowboys. Cowboys and vampires.

Con & Rhys’ panel:

(also amazing together! But this one was more difficult for my brain because I was tired and the sound in the room was more difficult for me to understand, so less stuff here :| <3)

There was originally an Izzy teaching Stede about slaps and punches that didn’t get into the final cut.

Rhys: I think they started, actually, really care for each other. Because they had a similar goal in the day, and it was to not only love, but look after Ed, this human that is so damaged, and so intricate and so interesting… so I think we united on that front. Con: Yeah. Rhys: And if we’d carried I think we would have been quite close actually. I think we nearly got there. Con: And then they killed me. Rhys: And then they killed the show.

While answering a question about whether they ever got slip any secrets a new meme / joke emerged end evolving, originating in an idea that Rhys has a sex tape with Kevin resulting in „KEVIN, GIVE ME THE TAPE!“ and Rhys shouting ‚Give me the tape’ several more times during the panel. Con: That’s gonna go on T-shirts. - Rhys didn’t think so saying that it is only going to last for a week, Con disagreed :) - I already saw stickers being made so I think Con was right :D.

There was a question if there was a scene that wasn’t there but they would like to have filmed and Rhys started saying that for some reason he started thinking of things of sexual nature. Then he starts describing a scene to Con: During the... whacking off. The candles. You’ve got no shirt on, I think Stede did see... Con: Whack off? Rhys continued speaking about sexual element there and something about a flirtattious moment and a bubble bath (?!). Con: Also that scene was slightly longer and there was a like face to face moment where we were, I would say nipple to nipple, but it was actually nipple to Rhys’ bellybutton. Because allegedly I’m short.

Rhys (speaking of Richard Curtis): He’s an icon. Con: Speaking of icons, hi, I Con.

Fan: Do you think that Izzy would officiate Ed and Stede’s matelotage? Con: Maybe in fanfiction. A) I don’t think they’d want him to. And B) Izzy’s not a romantic man so that wouldn’t work for him, he’d rather watch them fuck

Me meeting Con:

Absolutely amaziiiiiing! NGK🥺❤. He's such a lovely, funny and kind human being! During the MeetAndGreet the first night he found out that I never met him and he stood and came to give me a hug (yeah, my brain absolutely shortcircuited!!! :)))) (and I got one more hug the last dayyyyy, wahoooo).

I made a design what I think Izzy's pirate flag would look like - Con liked it and agreed :), unfortunately this convention didn't allow giving gifts right to actors, only through gift table so I gave him T-shirt with that design through it (I was wearing the same T-shirt and giving out these stickers to fellow con attendees :D).

When he was signing this brilliant Izzy topless show promo photo (O:)) he said: "Look at those shoulders, I mean, come on, I didn’t eat cake for so long." :D <3

I shall treasure this experience and I very much hope to meet him again in the future! ❤❤❤

(by the way, I redid my pc corner - my interests are complete mystery :D)

THE MUPPETS!

The amazing Fyre created several muppets and Con was very happy that he could get the Izzy one :) ❤! (as were Vico and Kristian, unfortunately Rhys didn't have suitcase space and Nathan is a bit weirded out by muppets in general :) <3)

(Nathan muppet tried to touch Izzy muppet's hair :D)

(as I said no direct gift giving, but thievery happened :D <3)

Other tidbits:

(if/when I remember or find more, I will add them here :))

There was a four year old cosplaying as princess Izzy and at the photo Con asked how old she was - she said 4, and he went “oh I’m a but older than that”, stood up “but not much taller” :D <3.

Con at the end of the one of the panels: Scary times, guys. We are at our best when we’re fighting back. Fight back. And look to your community and support your community. We’ve been here before, we’ll be here again. Fight back. ❤

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Monster, Inc.

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your boss is an asshole, you know this. But what happens when he turns his wrath upon you? (plus!reader)

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, this reader is known as Missie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

You sweep in with an armful. Two! You push through the door with your ass and barely keep from falling onto it. As ever, you enter in a whirlwind of to dos and currently being dones. You breeze over to your desk and carefully lower your load, blowing out through your lips. Whew. 

You peer over at the office door. The place is desolate. You’re always the first in, the last one gone. You can blame your boss’ high standards but that’s not fair. You put just as much pressure on yourself. 

You unlock Mr. Hansen’s office door and set about sorting through your list. You hang his suit jackets that you picked up last night and put the new pair of Prada loafers he ordered on the little rack across the bottom. Then you bring in his usual coffee in the gold insulated mug engraved with the company logo. Then you set out that special little treat you spent your morsel of free time baking. 

You carefully place the numbered candles on the mini cheesecake and stand with a proud smile. You never forget to dot and i or cross a t. You think that’s why you’ve lasted longer than any other PA under Hansen’s wise guidance. You anticipate his needs before they even come up. 

You hear him coming and light the candles before you rush to the door. You swiftly step outside and out of his way as he shoves his briefcase into your arms and tosses his jacket at you. You catch the latter and wait for him to enter before you trail after him. You put his briefcase on his desk as he goes around the other side and swiftly hang his jacket with his freshly cleaned suits. 

He noisily flicks back the lid of the travel mug then let out a hum. You know that hum. He’s not happy. He hasn’t even tasted it. What’s the problem. You turn and smooth the ruffles of your polka dot skirt. 

“Sir? Is the coffee not hot enough?” 

“What the fuck is this?” He stares at his desk with a sneer. 

“Sir?” 

“What the fuck!” He raises his voice. 

“Oop! Happy birthday, sir!” You trill and come closer, peeking past his iMac at the flickering flames on the 4 and the 6. 

He snarls at the candles and picks up the waxy 6. You blink, surprised by his reaction. You don’t understand. It’s a nice birthday surprise.  

“Sir, It’s tiramisu cheesecake. I know you like the stuff from down at White’s but--” 

He throws the little candle at you and the melting wax drips on your ruffled collar. You cry out and catch it as the flame goes out. He does the same with the other and scalds your inner arm. You cradle the candles as he takes the cakes and tosses it like a frisbee toward the door. You gulp. 

You’ve seen Mr. Hansen angry before. It’s his favourite emotion but it’s never been because of you. His blue eyes narrow at you and he curls his lips. 

“I don’t need some young fucking bimbo like you reminding me how old I am,” he snaps and picks up the travel mug, slurping loudly, “get the fuck out of my sight. And clean that up.” 

“I’m sorry, sir, I thought--” 

“You thought?” He barks, “not hard enough, hips.” 

You wince. His little pet names aren’t as sweet as they might seem and he rarely hurls them at you. No, he calls the women in the copier room sugar tits and baby, but not you. You look down at your skirt, the frills don’t make you seem any less wide. His reminder of your size stings, not that you hate yourself, but he can be so nasty. 

“Yes, sir,” you answer brightly. 

He sighs and falls into his large leather chair. He mutters into the cup as you go off to grab paper towel to clean up the desecrated cheesecake. You return with the wastebasket from beside your desk and set to wiping up the ruins. 

“You really need to make those things look any bigger? I should send you down to HR,” he snips. 

You look up, confused. You shake your head as you put another clump in the bin, “Mr. Hansen?” 

“Whatever that is...” he gestures to his collar and you look down at your ruffly collar, “it’s not doing you any favours.” 

“Thank you, sir, I’ll donate the blouse,” you agree. 

“Even the poor idiots down at Goodwill don’t deserve that,” he scoffs. 

He’s in a mood. You’re not prepared for it. You assumed his birthday would be a happy day. It’s your own fault for trying to predict him. He’s hard to account for.  

You finish up and grab the roll of towels and the bin. You stand and something flies over your shoulder. You flinch and turn to look down at his golden pen. You stare, perplexed. 

“Well, pick it up, hips.” You shrug and obey. As you bend over, he chortles, “damn, wide load.” 

You snap up, embarrassment singing your neck and cheeks. You turn and hurry over to place the pen on his desk. You dip your head and quickly retreat. 

“Ah, cheeks, don’t be so shy. Some guys like the extra cushion,” he snickers. 

“Sir, can I get you anything else?” You stop by the door. It’s better not to feed into his little game. This is fun for him. 

“Some fucking peace and quiet. Get out.” 

You don’t hesitate to do exactly that. You shut the door and cross to your desk. You put the bun down and swerve towards the break room to put the towels away. You return to your desk and sit, recentering yourself as you ready yourself for the daily rundown. Before you can open up the calendar, a notification pops up in the corner.  

Mr. Hansen? 

You click on it and revealed in the chat is a picture of your ass as you bend over to grab the pen. You cringe. He can see that you read the message. The little eye icon pops down beside the picture. 

‘Cancel my nine o’clock’ his next message pops up. 

‘Yes, Mr. Hansen,’ you type back. 

His dot turns to red. Unavailable. Right. He is bristly this morning, it’s best he doesn’t have anyone else around to provoke him. 

[ghostofhyuck]

NCT Dream and baking with them!

Mark Lee

Thinks that he can handle baking a cake but is probably stressed out already during grocery shopping. He lets you take the lead, afraid that he might ruin it for the two of you. The type to just gaze on what you are doing. Probably tried to be helpful like cracking the egg or measuring the ingredients. TRIES!!! so hard to make sure that he's doing it right,,, asks you again and again before proceeding to do it. "I'll just pour all of this?" "Mark, for the last time yes, it's on the recipe." 

Huang Renjun

Oh he's the perfect assistant! He reads the recipe so that you don't have to look at the recipe over and over again. Helps you by getting the tools and needs. Also a perfectionist, like if the recipe says 1 cup, it has to be 1 cup!! He's very helpful since he knows his way to the kitchen, probably preheats the oven while you mix the ingredient, and while you two wait for it the pastry to bake, he made a drink for the two of you to enjoy! :<

Lee Jeno

Another one who's lets you take the lead. Literally, like a puppy following you everywhere. Probably the type to backhug you while you measure ingredients. He thinks he's helping but he's not, but he's an emotional support, so it's fine!! I feel like he read the recipe and while you already memorized the recipe by heart, so when you skipped an ingredient, he stops you and just panics, like,,, "is that part of the instructions?" you laughed at how serious he was, but you assured him that you know what you're doing. 

Lee Donghyuck

Baking with Haechan is kinda stressful but that's because he sees that you're having a hard time with the cake, (in your defense, it's your first time baking a cake.) Probably takes the lead more, has a serious expression on his face, (even if it was his first time baking a cake too.) You watch as he skillfully mixed the ingredient, place it at the baking pan, and put it inside the oven. Oh, and when you two are making the icing, he'll be the type to get a spoonful of it just to taste it. (He had three more spoons later lol.)

Na Jaemin

Baking with Jaemin sounds like a very peaceful thing to do!! You can hear the song playing from the speaker, probably a soft lo-fi or something from your shared playlist!! It's so serene and calm that you two don't really speak to each other and have a sort-of telepathic connection on what to do. You two would work together on baking a cake, like how Jaemin measure and pour the ingredients while you mix it with a handmixer. Would probably smear flour on your cheek but it won't go to that extent that you two are throwing flour at each other. 

Zhong Chenle

I feel like Chenle is very confident with his cooking skills, so he takes the lead!! But once it gets complicated, he'll ask you help. Once you're the one who's taking the lead, Chenle would probably be the type to be clinging on you. He's like a koala on you, arms wrapped around your waist and head resting on your shoulder as you mix the batter. You probably had a hard time moving because your boyfriend is being stubborn lol. 

Park Jisung

He's ban in the kitchen tbh. BUT sometimes he really wants to help you with your baking because he likes spending quality time with you. Probably the type to watch from a far but you tend to ask him to do stuff like cracking the egg or maybe pour the ingredient while you mix the batter. Oh and he's such a foodie!! Like, he's the type to watch you while he nimble on the crushed chocolates or maybe he found a snack on your pantry so he's munching that while you bake. 

[emmmaa4]

I would LOVE, to see some just some hanging out with Anya stuff, like maybe watching movies, or making funny foods together, kinda like a sleep over thing? 😋 I think it would be so cute!

OMGG I rlly love this request!!!

This little fic is set in a normal place (? Let's say that after the trip, Anya came back safe. I didn't do like a sleep over but I hope you like it anyway 😔💙

Anya x Neutral Pronouns! Reader (platonic)

393 words

"Starlit Memories and Chocolate Cake"

Anya and I arranged to meet on a spring day after her long journey through the stars. She had always been a shy and somewhat quiet girl, but she's truly kind.

I heard the doorbell ring and rushed with excitement towards the door. When I opened it, there stood Anya, wearing a knee-length blue dress adorned with small flowers. She had her usual shy smile and was carrying her bag along with ingredients for baking.

"Anya!" I said, moving towards her to give her a small hug, to which she reacted with a little jump at my physical touch. "It’s good to see you again," I smiled and invited her in.

"It’s good to see you too. Traveling through space was… a bit rough for me."

Upon hearing her, I gave her an encouraging smile before taking the ingredients from her arms. "You know you can count on me, An, and that you’re safe here."

She just smiled, her eyes crinkling a bit. We got started on making a chocolate cake. We weren’t exactly born chefs, but we still tried. At one point, I dipped my index finger in some flour and playfully dabbed a bit on the tip of her nose. Anya, slightly insecure but amused, proceeded to paint my nose too, and we couldn’t help but laugh.

When we took the cake out of the oven, it smelled delicious, and we added chocolate sprinkles on top. It was simple, but the important thing was that we finished it. Anya and I went to my balcony; the sun was setting in the distance. We cut the cake and sat down to watch the sunset while eating our pieces of chocolate cake.

"I wish I could forget what happened on the ship…"

She said with a sad smile, then took another small bite of the cake.

"Even if I never forget, I know I’m okay now…"

"You're okay and eating cake!" I said in a cheerful tone.

"And eating cake," Anya repeated softly with a warm smile on her face. Our eyes drifted back to the sunset, and we sat in peaceful silence, watching the sky turn that orange hue. When I glanced at Anya, I could see hope and joy reflected in her eyes.

[loveandleases]

If you’re in the mood for making Chris suffer still may I raise: chef!MC never cooks them a cake from scratch for their birthday. They always go out to eat with Chris or order from a bakery (the excuse is, “I always cook for you, don’t you want to try food from someone who actually has a michelin star?”) After the break up, Chris finds out that MC never stopped making G’s birthday cake from scratch, with Cam being the middleman of course, and G is the only person they do this for. No one else. Not their parents, Jade (Aunt Em definitely gets something from scratch, it’s just not a cake.)

I like the idea that Mc does special things for special people, doesn’t realize they’re like this, and doesn’t even make the connection that it’s weird that they bake from scratch for their ex and not their actual fiancé before they became ex-fiancé.

(If you make this a thing, I am definitely pairing it an MC whose first time was with G, and then proceeded to be celibate with Chris for that ultimate burn. Chris can be delulu about whether or not they were the rebound, but I want it to be so stupidly clear to everyone else in their life 😈)

I'm always in the mood to make Chris suffer! I can probably through the choice in after you choose MC's main hobby. It will also be dependent on if MC dated Chris as a rebound. (which I already coded in.)

[harrietswriting]

Baking with the gang

The outsiders x gn!reader (platonic)

An: I know my last two fics were in 1st person but I think from now on I'm going to do them in second person. Please send me requests!! 💕

Tw: none? Men? Mediocre writing skills?

"Two-Bit, I swear to God. Stick your finger in the batter one more time and I'll beat you with this whisk." You threaten the laughing greaser angrily as he runs out of kitchen licking his finger.

You sigh and mumble: "Never making cake here again," then go back to stirring the batter.

"I'll stand guard, y/n," Ponyboy says as he peeks into the dining room at Two-Bit who had sat down to watch Soda and Steve's card game.

You laugh, "Thanks, Pony."

Dallas walks in past Ponyboy, Johnny tagging along behind him.

"Hey Pony." Dallas nods in his direction as he leans against the counter and crosses his arms. Johnny greets you and Pony too.

"I don't get a greeting, Dally?" You ask, feigning hurt.

"No."

"What are ya making?" Johnny leans to look in the bowl.

You smile proudly. "Chocolate cake," then you look past him at the cake's secret service agent. "Pony, where are the pans?"

"I'll get one." He opens a cabinet and gets out a cake pan. "Like this?"

"Yes thank you." You smile has he hands it to you.

Steve cheers in the other room having evidently won against Soda. Two-Bit laughs. Sodapop tells him to quit it.

"When's Darry gettin' back from work, Ponyboy?" Johnny asks. You had been wondering too. You start to carefully pour the cake batter into the pan.

"Soon I think. He said he was going to stop at the store once he got off." Pony answers. Steve walks in with a cocky engery around him.

"You win?" You ask him as he eyes the cake pan.

"Hell yeah!" He declares proudly. "Who else wants to play me? Dally?"

Dallas shrugs. "Sure. I win, you owe me a pack of cancer sticks."

"Sure, and vise versa." They walk back into the dining room just as Soda walks in.

"Cake done?" He asks.

"No, I'm putting it in now." You open the oven, which you'd pre-heated, and gingerly set the pan on the middle rack.

"Shoot." He looks a little disappointed. He leaves and goes back to the dining room.

Pony and Johnny start talking about some movie they'd seen and the drive-in. Pony's mad they never show good movies there, and Johnny's not convinced there are good movies. You hum a Beatles song as you turn the timer and set it for 30 minutes then place it on the counter.

"You just haven't seen a good movie because you've never gone to a movie theater." Pony argues.

"I'm not paying to see some phony movie that i won't like." Johhny rebutts.

"I think the drive-in plays some good movies." You add. They look at you.

"That's cause you have low standards." Ponyboy says matter-of-factly. You scoff. Two-Bit, had entered the kitchen just in time to hear the comment and decides to add: "Yeah, that's obvious, look at your your ex!" He laughs.

"Uh- You're not getting any cake Two!" You're offended, that was uncalled for. He shrugs, knowing your bluffing.

"We were talking about movies." Johnny shifts to lean against the counter like Dally had been doing earlier.

"Oh. Forgot you guys are boring." He laughs again.

"Hey Two! Mickey's on!"

~

Thirty minutes later you're all stuffed in the living room, including Darry, who had finally gotten home. Dallas, Ponyboy, Johnny, and you were on the couch, Pony on the arm of the couch. Darry was in one chair reading the paper, and Soda was in the other. Two-bit was sitting on the ground and drinking a beer while Steve counted his winnings next to him. Steve had lost against Dallas then proceeded to beat Soda again, Johnny, and you. You sadly had to hand over the money you had in your pocket to him. He was very happy.

The timer goes off and you get up from the couch.

"Does that mean the cakes done?" Soda asks.

"I'll check." You walk to the kitchen and can feel excited eyes on you. Jesus, these boys like chocolate cake. You get out an oven mit and a tooth pick before opening the oven. You poke the cake with the toothpick and sure enough, it comes out clean. So, you carefully take the cake out of the over and you plop it onto a plate.

"Cake is done!" You yell as you carry plate out to the dining room. Two-Bit is sat. Zip. He's already here. And Steve is right behind him.

"I'll get forks and plates!" Soda announces. He gets the quickly and hands them out. You cut the cake into generous slices, the first piece going to Two-Bit. Dallas finally joins the party at the table. Darry comes next, and now everyone is sitting around the table.

Two-Bit takes a bite and closes his eyes in satisfaction. "Mmmm."

Steve gets one next, then Soda, Pony, Johnny, Dallas, and Darry, then finally you cut yourself one.

"Thank you y/n." Darry says before taking a bite. This encourage a slew of thanks from the rest of the guys, even a mumble from Dallas.

You smile. "You're welcome, guys."

Within 20 minutes the cake is gone.

An: SEND ME REQUESTS PLEASE. Also, do you guys like 1st person or 2nd person narration better? Please giveme constructive criticism or something. okay bye love yall 💕💕

[rottenpumpkin13]

Sephiroth is given an Easy Bake Oven from Father Christmas. ✨ 🎁 ✨

*Angeal and Genesis walk by the lounge and see Sephiroth with a toy oven*

Genesis: Aww, is that toy oven? I used to have one as a child.

Angeal: Where did you get that?

Sephiroth: It showed up in my PO box. I'm using it to reconnect with my inner child.

Angeal: That's nice. What are you baking?

Sephiroth: I'm not baking. After analyzing the toy's mechanics, I've come to realize that it serves another use.

Angeal: Genesis call the police.

Sephiroth: The heat distribution pattern is quite fascinating. The perfect containment system.

Genesis: What's in the oven??

Sephiroth: The transformation is nearly complete.

*Angeal is hyperventilating*

Sephiroth: The molecular reconstruction is proceeding exactly as calculated.

Genesis: DEAR GODDESS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Sephiroth: Just a few more seconds until peak stability.

*The oven dings*

*Angeal passes out*

Genesis: WHAT HORROR HAVE YOU UNLEASHED?

*Sephiroth opens oven door, pulls out a perfectly normal chocolate cake*

Genesis:

Sephiroth:

Genesis: ANGEAL PASSED OUT!

Sephiroth: Which is a shame, as he won't get to try my cake.

[ches-fallen-from-heaven]

Sweets ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

Windows and Streetlights

(Credits to @azriel.kk on tikok, my bsf ily gonna give u a sloppy kiss when me meet😋)

Pairing: Soft Yandere Nanami x fem! Bakery owner! Reader

Summary: Nanami just wanted to see what all the popularity about that one bakery in town was. He didn’t know he’d fall so hard for the girl who looks just as sweet as the cakes she bakes.

Tags: Yandere Nanami, Kind of coquette reader, no-filter reader, Kidnapping, Stalking, Obsessive/Toxic Nanami, Manipulation, Stockholm Syndrome, murder.

Wc: 1.4k

Nanami could not stop thinking about you the moment he dropped you off. His mind racing with thoughts of you. The way your eyes look when they shined, the way your smile was so bright. He ran his hands through his hair as he remembered the way your face looked when he wrapped the scarf around your face. He breathed heavily as he made another call.

A week had passed by since Nanami walked you home, and you haven’t seen him since. You felt sad for the most part. Baking cakes to distract yourself, you blocked out the thoughts of him. Proceeding to serve your customers before your thoughts distracted you. For the past week the constant feeling that someone was watching you made you go crazy.

By the third day you bought a pocketknife. You thought of buying pepper spray, but you opted for something more permanent. If someone did attack you a plunge of the knife to their neck would do it. Not some pathetic pepper spray that will only buy you 5 minutes at the least. You also turned on your location on your phone. In case you go missing hopefully the police will be able to track your phone.

Maybe being paranoid wasn’t healthy, but so is being too carefree. Once you served your customers, you went the kitchen and drinking a glass of water. You stood close to a window feeling the fresh air. You suddenly saw something on the corner of your eye, a blur. You leaned your head out the window seeing no one. You swore there was someone there.

Opening the backdoor, you walked outside threading carefully. Hearing a scratching noise your ear perked up. Going closer, your heartbeat pounding, you turned to the corner. You froze up, a sigh chuckle leaving your lips. There stood a small tabby cat. You walked closer petting its head smiling.

Suddenly hearing a click behind you, your head immediately looked behind. No one. You looked around anxiously. Giving the cat one last rub on its head, you went inside. The day continued serving customers and baking the sweets.

Your employees left, leaving you to lock the doors of the bakery like always. You wrapped the scarf that Nanami gave you around your neck. It really was comfortable, in your defense. You let out a sigh, why is the weather so cold? The hairs on your neck stood up as you heard another ‘click’. Looking behind you, you again saw no one. You stood in that street just looking around.

You sighed, frustrated. “Do you mind?!” You shout to the empty street, to no one. Maybe you really were going crazy. At that moment you didn’t know what came over you. Opening your phone you proceeded to text Nanami. It was stupid to think he’d text first, so you’re the one doing it. A week late. ‘Nanami! How are you?’ you texted, putting your phone back in your pocket.

As you texted him you continued to do it while walking. You thought of wearing headphones, but it was too risky. Not hearing anything around you. It’s practically screaming Netflix murder documentary. Your phone vibrated, a notification. You opened your phone looking at the notification. A reply from Nanami, ‘Good. You?’ you chuckled at the dry ass reply.

‘Hey Nanami, Can I call you?’ you asked the feeling that someone is still watching you getting stronger. You arrived at your house locking the doors and the windows. You bit your lip as you felt your phone vibrate again. You look at your phone knowing it’s Nanami, ‘Ok.’ Was his only reply to you.

Man, are you sure he’s really twenty-eight? He types like a boomer. You proceeded to press the call icon leaning the phone against your ear. “Nanami?” you said softly. “I’m here.” A deep voice replied. You laughed, “I’m mad at you.” you say. He hummed, “Is that why you called?” he replied. You chuckled, “You basically ghosted me, you know?” you say biting your lip anxiously.

“I’m sorry.” He replied quickly. “Make it up to me.” You say straightforwardly. “I’ll come by tomorrow.” Nanami replied to you his voice surprisingly soft. You hummed in acknowledgement.

Nanami sat on his office chair, phone against his ear. Your soft voice playing through the speakers of the phone. He ran his hands through his hair, he didn’t mean to ghost you. He was thinking of you every day! You haven’t left his mind for the past week. He touched the piles of papers on his desk drinking his whiskey.

Almost hundreds of pictures of you lay on his desk. Pictures of you walking to work, pictures of you baking cakes; pictures of you talking with your employees. The last phone call he made, he asked for a favor. A favor to know your background. From where you’re from to who your parents are. From your friends to your old school.

For the past weeks Nanami has been following you. Taking pictures of your daily life. You smiling, you looking sad, you looking tired. He has photographs of all of it. He sighs rubbing his hand on his forehead. You were like drugs to him. Like cigarettes, you can always say you’ll quit but can’t get enough.

‘I’m mad at you’ the moment you said that he perked up. Brows furrowed in confusion, The moment you told him why he groaned quietly. You liked him so much that you’re mad at him. He looked at a picture of you on his desk, rubbing the forehead of a cat. You looked so sweet.

‘I’ll come by tomorrow’ he replied planning to pick you up at your house. His eyes went over to the picture of you continuing to wear your scarf, the scarf that he gave you. His blood rushed somewhere else, making the bulge in his pants visible. He groaned standing up and going to the shower.

You woke up groaning. Fighting yourself to either stand up or go back to sleep, which you know you can’t do. You got up cursing yourself for having a sense of responsibility. You proceeded to get ready, drinking a cup of coffee and just planning to buy breakfast outside. You weren’t gonna get a piece of toast and just run out the door like those Disney movie characters.

Not having breakfast is practically driving with no gas. You left the door locking It, no Nanami scarf for today, it was getting washed. You look behind you surprised; it was Nanami. You rubbed your eyes tiredly thinking you’re seeing things. “Nanami?” you called out voice still groggy.

He looks at you glasses off his eyebags visible. He was wearing a blue polo and his yellow polka dot tie. You smiled at him happy to see him. “C’mon I’ll buy you breakfast.” He said waiting for you. Weird how he knew you didn’t eat breakfast yet. And how he knew what time you leave your house. Do you run and ignore the red flags or let the hot dilf looking man buy you breakfast?

You shrugged going over to him. Second option it is! “Where are we going?” you ask following him. “I know this cafe that sells good breakfasts.” He replied looking at you. You nod smiling at him. “Are you also gonna buy coffee?” you ask walking beside him. If people looked at the both of you side by side, they would see the plain height difference. ‘God is he tall, I wonder if something else is tall-‘ you shake your head aggressively.

Nanami looks at you eyebrows raised. You both arrive at the café sitting down at a booth near the window. The waiter gives you both the menu smiling at you, which didn’t go by unnoticed by Nanami. Nanami’s lips pursed into a thin line watching that interaction. You continued to look at the menu before sighing, “Nanami, pick for me.” You say giving him the menu.

He looked at your smiling face, his annoyance immediately leaving. He has to take sooner or later. Away from all of these filthy curse giving people. “You look nice today” he says giving you a small smile. “Are you saying I only look nice today?” You teased.

He chuckled to himself saying your order to the waiter, who was still looking at you. “Hey Nanami…can I tell you something?” you say looking at him. He nods listening, “I feel like I’m going crazy. There’s always this feeling that someone is watching or following me.” You say looking at him anxiously.

Nanami looked at you for a few seconds before answering, “I should walk you to work, and going back to your house.” He says sternly. You sigh in relief. “I’m sorry for saying this so early in the morning.” You say looking at him sadly.

He held your hand, running his fingers through it. “I’ll keep you safe”

[incorrectbatfam]

Could you please do some headcanons about Batmans cooking disasters over the years?

Age 5: Bruce puts tinfoil in the microwave. Alfred shakes his head and laughs

Age 6: He decorates a cookie so badly another kid cries until they throw up

Age 7: He tries to make a PB&J and the countertop is sticky for a week

Age 8: He tries to make Martha's chicken noodle soup but ends up crying on the kitchen floor surrounded by half-chopped vegetables

Age 9: He tries to impress a houseguest by recreating Thomas's mixology tricks (sans alcohol). There's still a stain on the ceiling to this day

Age 10: He makes green eggs. It's not on purpose. He's never even read the book

Age 11: He makes lava in the school cafeteria

Age 12: He tries to make cheese bread by drilling holes into a baguette and filling it with melted nacho cheese

Age 13: He melts a cutting board in the oven

Age 14: He folds a Pop Tart

Age 15: The chocolate-covered bananas he makes for the school bake sale come out looking very very wrong

Age 16: He's asked to drop a home economics class after mistaking refried beans for pumpkin puree in a pie

Age 17: He boils eggs in the carton

Age 18: He makes his entire freshman dorm evacuate after burning his ramen to ash

Age 19: He sculpts a severed hand out of meatloaf and is sent to the university psychologist

Age 20: He tries to bake a cake but doesn't have a cake pan, so he pours the batter right in the oven

Age 21: He tries Thomas's mixology tricks again, this time with alcohol. One of the tricks is flipping it over his head. He ends up losing part of his vision for 3 days

Age 22: He burns water. Harley Quinn is there. She still holds it over his head

Age 23: He packs his first patrol snack as Batman. It's a chocolate bar wrapped in a tortilla. The chocolate melts onto his gloves and he drops the tortilla down a sewer grate

Age 24: He makes an ice cream cookie sandwich to eat while he and Batgirl work on a case, but he's so engrossed in the work that he doesn't notice it melt until Babs points it out

Age 25: He enters the first annual Justice League cook-off and immediately gets banned from ever entering again

Age 26: He tries to comfort little Dickie Grayson by making fried cornbread from a book of Roma comfort recipes. It turns out about as well as you'd expect when you give Bruce Wayne hot oil. Bruce is genuinely bummed out, but Dick says it's the thought that counts

Age 27: Clark delivers a huge hunk of beef from the farm. Instead of waiting for Alfred to come back, Bruce and Dick try to break it down with a power saw

Age 28: Bruce and Dick's latkes are burned so badly they can play floor hockey with them

Age 29: He makes stuffed mushrooms. Badly. Like imagine the worst way you can fuck up a mushroom. It still won't compare to what Bruce did. And it's for a potluck with the West-Allens that Barry won't let him live down

Age 30: Bruce sees Dick struggling to make ravioli and he's like "Let me show you how it's done" before proceeding to make it infinitely worse

Age 31: Bruce sees a hungry Jason Todd and the first thing he does when they return to the manor is make a double-decker bread sandwich. That's bread with two more slices of bread in between

Age 32: Bruce packs Dick and Jason's lunchboxes when Alfred is out of town. They're supposed to include a salad. Instead, Dick gets a whole head of lettuce and Jason's is just a bottle of ranch

Age 33: He makes hot chocolate after patrol... but forgets the chocolate

Age 34: The Manor is too cold, so Bruce tries to warm it up by making Jason's favorite soup. His hands shake the whole time. Suddenly, he's eight years old again, sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by scraps reminding him of his failure

Age 35: Jack and Janet Drake are out of the country again, leaving young Timmy by himself. Bruce decides to bring some dinner over. It's baked perfectly, but it's full of things that shouldn't be anywhere near a casserole dish. They end up ordering takeout and watching old detective movies together

Age 36: Steph walks through how to make waffles. Bruce is standing there, watching closely and taking notes. They still come out looking radioactive

Age 37: Cass asks if they can get smoothies. Bruce says he can make them at home. She gives him a warning look but that's not enough to stop him. Cue Bruce forgetting to put the lid on the blender

Age 38: Jason's first night back at home, Bruce tries to make that soup. It shoots out like a geyser and hits the lights. He's panicking until he hears Jason laugh, and then the soup doesn't matter

Age 39: Damian screws up hummus and he desperately tries to hide it so people won't see him as inadequate at something so basic. Instead of getting upset, Bruce assures him it's okay and offers to fix it. (He doesn't fix it, he just makes it worse)

Age 40: Bruce's birthday happens while he's fake-dead and away from home. He grabs a convenience store cupcake and sticks a single candle on it. Then he closes his eyes, pretends his family is around him, and makes a wish. (The candle droops and sets the hotel sheets on fire)

Age 41: Back at the Manor, he attempts to make lemonade on a particularly hot day. Selina offers to help, but Bruce declines, saying, "How hard can it be?" (Spoiler alert: it's not supposed to be full of seeds)

Age 42: Kate shows him a video of Canadians pouring maple syrup into the snow to make candy, so he gets her to boil the syrup so they can do it together. The problem comes when they can't control the pour and end up with a glob the size of Damian

Age 43: As part of a school project, Bruce and Duke try to deduce the Coca-Cola secret formula. Duke's teacher takes a point off because at the beginning he told her he'd taste the results, but there's no way he's doing that now

Age 44: The family gets together to make a full English breakfast Alfred's birthday. Each person takes a part—Dick has eggs, Jason has the grilled tomatoes, Tim has mushrooms, Duke has the bacon, Steph and Cass are tag-teaming the sausages, Damian just has to open a can of beans, and Bruce needs to put bread in the toaster. It goes South immediately when Damian reaches for his katana instead of the can opener

Age 45: Bruce puts tinfoil in the microwave. Alfred shakes his head and laughs

[croucify]

✶ surprise — hamzahthefantastic x reader

SUMMARY: hamzah attempts to surprise you on your birthday

A/N: an irl gave this idea after they told me they surprised their partner this way and i thought it was the cutest ever

your birthday hasn't been something you planned on celebrating each year. you thought it wasn't as big of a deal to consider each year as a milestone in your life and for you, it was also a waste of money and time planning a party, and sending invites, and overall it was just tiring.

but this year, your boyfriend, hamzah wanted that to change.

he was currently in your shared apartment, a baking video in the background while he had all the ingredients out with an apron tied around his body.

"hamzah, how many of these do you need?" martin asks as he pumps air into the balloon.

he thinks for a while, opening the cake mix's box. "maybe... about 8 or 10?"

after a while, martin had 5 balloons with air, and all that was left were the strings and the cake. hamzah on the other hand had replayed the video three times already with only the cake mix in his bowl, afraid to mess up the cake he was making for you.

"how many times are you gonna repeat this bro?" his friend teased as he tied the end of the balloon.

hamzah just rolled his eyes before cracking the eggs and pouring them into the bowl.

you'd be coming home soon and he was trying to rush the process of making the cake, the powdered batter scattering everywhere as he quickly mixed.

"fuck," he muttered to himself but still proceeded with baking the cake.

when martin finished with the balloon — even tying ribbons at where he tied them, hamzah was still mixing the cake batter.

"hamzah," martin called out for the curly-haired boy who was adding ingredients to the bowl. "i'm gonna go now, have to fetch mandy from work." he nodded at him.

"thanks for the help dude, seriously thank you." hamzah said with a genuine smile. when his friend left, he mixed the batter more before transferring it to a pan.

as soon as the cake was finished baking, he immediately took out the tray from the oven but with the temperature still being high, he burnt himself although he was wearing mittens.

he thought decorating the cake was going to be the easy part, considering the fact that he was just meant to spread icing and pour sprinkles but he still thought of writing a short note on the cake but as he was getting to the third letter, your keys were already jammed into the keyhole, opening the door to your apartment.

the counter was still messy with the spillage from earlier and the bowls and utensils he used, were scattered all over.

"shit, shit, shit!" he said as tried to tidy up the place but you've already stepped inside.

"hamzah is something," your head turns to where he was standing after you've taken off your shoes. your eyes fall on the cake that's on the counter and the piping bag in his hands. "oh my god." you try to hide your smile but with your boyfriend standing in front of you, with a horrified expression and a messy apron, you couldn't help it.

it was an image you wish you could've taken a photo off. he places the piping bag down the counter and tries his best to hide the cake by walking closer to you.

"okay, i know you hate birthdays but i wanted to surprise you this year. we've been together for uh... 3 years now? and take it as a gesture of love, please." he pleaded, eyes looking deeply into yours.

you step closer to him and place a hand on his cheek before pecking his lips. there's a smile on your face when you pull away which makes him less nervous. "this might just be the best birthday ever, hamzah." you tell him and his eyes widen in excitement.

you untie his apron, throwing it on the counter before wrapping your arms around him. the two of you hold each other for a while before he places a kiss on your temple and then speaks again.

"you also have balloons, martin blew them for me oh and, your cake only has the letters h and b because you arrived when i was starting on d."

✶ taglist — @cdbabymp3 @noturbabe22 @dabuggh3 @kingvioleta @tumb1rgir1z @mfcherry @ldrvinyl @certainfestivalnerdshepherd @seasidelily @jisyng @brucewaynegfreal LMK IF U WANNA BE ADDEDDD!!!

[sleepy-the-loz-enthusiast]

LU characters as dumb shit I did as a child:

Legend: Laughed and make jokes (lightheartedly) at someone for being scared of potholes while riding a bike, proceeded to cycle into one, do a flip over the handlebars where they jammed in just under his ribs and lay on the ground winded for at least 4 minutes

Wild: When first learning to bake, attempted to bullshit his own recipes for cakes and stuff, accidentally gave himself food poisoning which lined up with getting the worst sickness he's ever had in memory so not a great time

Sky: Zoned out staring at the sun while counting to see how long he could do it for (my eyes are extremely light sensitive now)

Twilight: Was convinced that mermaids existed and made up stories about befriending them and a whole ass mermaid society and genuinely believed this was true (...actually this is more silly and whimsical than dumb but I'm keeping it here)

Four: Accidentally sleep walked out of a hotel room and locked himself out, woke up to be sitting on the floor of a creepy ass hotel corridor with no recollection of how he got there and started crying, nearly wasn't let back inside because who tf would answer a random knock on the door in a hotel in the middle of the night??

Warriors: Was going through a really rough time and ripped out chunks of his own hair and ate them as a coping mechanism, blaming the missing chunks on tying his ponytail too tight instead of being honest and asking for help

Time: Was genuinely convinced Pokemon existed for ages and could vividly hallucinate them on command.

Wind: Ate both lasagna and cheesecake with icecream as a meal despite being lactose intolerant

Hyrule: Thought it was fun to sprint across a room and flip onto his head on a sofa, also enjoyed standing on one arm of the sofa and falling over onto the cushions. Also liked to just... sit upside down on armchairs.

(If this sounds like someone you know irl, no it doesn't shhh please don't mention anything to me or them)

[stjernehiimmel]

ever since writing the bf felix hcs, ive thought about doing them for all the members....... a banger idea imo

random bf skz headcanons.

bang chan:

he's often busy, but texts you a lot during the day and night, to make sure you're okay.

whenever he's not busy, he's cooking homemade meals for you. you always tell him how he's spoiling you by doing this, to which he smiles (totally showing off those cute dimples on purpose.)

you two would definitely wear cute matching tshirts and hoodies.

you absolutely love to ruffle his hair, especially when he's got his natural curls. he doesn't get why you like his hair so much, but he thinks it feels nice when you run your fingers through it.

lee know:

soonie, doongie and dori all love you. it kinda makes your boyfriend jealous (but don't worry, it goes both ways.)

you often go visit cat cafés together and pet cute kitties, totally making minho's beloved cats jealous when you come home and they smell the stranger cats on your clothes.

sometimes he says the most random and kind of unsettling things at random times. while others would find him weird, you respond in the exact same way, totally enabling each other’s chaotic and random vibes.

the things you two talk about make no fucking sense sometimes.

he says he likes watching movies by himself, but you've definitely seen his slight smile when you say you want to join.

changbin:

he'll gladly flex his muscles for you if you ask him to.

all jokes aside, you two often work out together. imagine you trying to do a pull-up and you find it difficult...

he'll come help by lifting you up by your waist 🤭

whenever you don't work out or go out to eat together, you watch either really shitty or good horror movies.

it's always a 50/50% chance if the movie is good or not. usually it's changbin choosing what you're gonna watch and he has a tendency to choose kind of cheesy and bad ones.

but in the chance that it's a good, scary one, he'll hold you close so you don't get scared.

hyunjin:

you can definitely expect to be a model - or at least inspiration - for his paintings. he always tells you that you're beautiful and that he wants to paint something that reminds him of you.

other times you both have chaotic energy and go terrorize the public with it. like that time hyunjin wanted to record a video of you dancing the choreography to lalalala by a fountain and then you proceeded to slip and fall into the water by accident. he has never laughed that much before in his life (after making sure you were okay, of course.)

you’re both total drama queens, but that’s what makes the two of you so good and funny together.

sometimes, however, you have to remind your boyfriend to not side eye people. mostly because you’re scared he might get airfryed… again.

han:

most of the time you two just chill and lay around, occasionally showing each other a funny tiktok you found.

and then at other times you will go buy snacks and drinks, then put on a good anime and cuddle close under a cozy blanket.

✨ just introvert things ✨

whenever you have both decided you've been inside for too long, you'll go for a long walk to get fresh air. sometimes you'll even stop by a café and get a coffee (and maybe a slice of cake you can share too!)

and then back you go to chilling 🥹

felix:

he'll definitely bake brownies and other tasty things for you.

he looks expectantly at you as you taste what he's baked for you. don't upset him 🥺

you'll often play video games together.

felix tends to be a bit of a nerd in the games you two play, but you think it's cute. especially when he's secretly built something special in minecraft for you (probably from a build he saw on youtube)

you and felix go shopping for clothes as well.

he'll wait patiently outside the changing room while you're trying on clothes. and if you're ever in doubt about something, you can ask for his opinion.

seungmin:

coffee dates. always.

he gets very excited about grabbing a coffee with you. often he'll have a small gift with him.

you two always take cute selfies together.

you can definitely expect him to be the one to take the best photos of you. he's talented!

he's super quick to notice when you're feeling sad or angry. and he'll do his best to cheer you up again.

in:

you go on marvel marathons often. even though you've probably watched all the movies over 10 times.

he likes cooking, so you two do that a lot together. although, he often ends up breaking something... he's a bit clumsy.

he just (nervously) laughs about it while you're scolding him though.

you always end up forgiving him. you can't be mad at that smiley face.

you two will also just lay around and shop for clothes online, showing each other what you're planning on buying.

[kuro4thegays]

- Happy birthday to my dearest scribe

[Word count: 1.9k] [Alhaitham x gn!reader] [Content: birthday fic, tooth rotting fluff, reader is kind of a caretaker for Nahida, they bake a cake together, Alhaitham has the best morning of his life]

“You think we should add more sugar?”

You licked the icing off of your fingertips, savoring the sweetness before making up your mind. “No, this is Alhaitham we're talking about. The more earthy kind of sweet will do.” The ding of the oven interrupted your track of thought, making you stand up momentarily and leave the icing in Nahida’s hands. “I’ll take care of that.”

You returned with the base layer of the cake, putting it down and taking the baking gloves off as you watched over Nahida while she was mixing the fluffy white icing. Fortunately for her, you catched how her hands faltered, motions getting less smooth by the second as she continued the repetitive task. And what kind caretaker would you be if you didn’t jump in to help your dear archon. “You’ve done enough, I think that the icing is ready.”

“Finally…” She nodded thankfully, handing over the bowl into your much larger hands. If it wasn’t for the way she giggled you might have felt a little guilty, but the sound of her cheerful laughter puts you at enough ease to continue working with a steady hand.

“It’s a little embarrassing, but I really have no idea how to approach the decorating part of the process.” You admitted while your hands worked on filling the piping bag, eyes nervously checking your archon’s expression. “Alhaitham is a pretty straightforward person. We should probably go for something simple.” You really did try your best to sound calm and collected, yet the nervous way you held the piping bag gave away everything to Nahida. 

“I think that you’re the only one who could make the best choice here.” Her words really did catch you off guard. She was so innocent and tiny you could actually forget that you were talking to the goddess of wisdom. Still, you consider yourself blessed by her words.

“Thank you.” Your grip on the piping bag turned firmer, moving it up the sides of the cake before making an experimental squeeze. Expectedly, the icing surged out of its confinement, climbing up the cake's side with you as its guide. 

“You wanna write something?” You turn to Nahida only to find her scooping up the leftover cream from the mixing utensils with her fingertips. She, of course, freezed as soon as you looked at her, caught right on the crime scene with the tip of her index finger covered in the sugary sweetness and her face confused as ever.

“You know, sharing is caring.” And who were you to judge? Her face seemed to instantly relax when met with your understanding, so much so that it took her a moment to realize that you had stolen the cream covered mixing utensils right out of her hand. Just like she did earlier, you scooped up the leftover icing with your fingertips before proceeding to lick them clean.

“Mhm, as good as I expected it to be.” You smiled to yourself, you two truly did your work with the icing. “Have you unloaded the groceries like I told you to? The stake should be in the fridge.” Nahida nodded, moving both the bowl and the utensils into the sink. Meanwhile, you proceeded to move the piping bag from the side of the cake up to the edge of the circular surface, decorating it using the finest tip.

“I don’t think that I’m going to write anything.” You finally decide. “There is just so much I could say that this little space on cake won’t do it any justice.”

Nahida gave you her sweetest smile, yet you seemed to be so focused on the task at hand, the gift to your most cherished one, to completely forget about the rest of the world. With the last squeeze you emptied the piping bag, turning around only to find that all the dirty utensils were neatly sorted in the dishwasher. You had no doubt who did it. 

“I didn’t even realize how much time had passed.” You sighed, looking down at your goddess. “We still got an hour before ‘Haitham is home. Enough time to clean everything up.” And with that, you stored the cake in the fridge, turning to take care of the rest of the mess.

—

“Good morning.” You straddled your husband's waist, leaning down to mumble those words in the hushest, sweetest tone you could muster. After all, you didn't want Alhaitham to have an unpleasant waking up experience on his birthday of all days. 

The birds chirped outside your window like a complimentary melody to your voice, the warm sunlight breaking  through the thin curtains and lighting up the room in morning’s yellows and oranges, calling its residence to wake up and join the light breeze under the sunlight. A tiny bird found itself seated on your window stool, perhaps intruding on the personal moment, yet you seemed too busy to notice how it observed your actions.

Your hand found Alhaitham’s bicep, massaging the relaxed, now soft muscle with gentlest feather touches, your lips hovering over his ear to only let a quiet call of his name to escape. “‘Haitham.” You brush your lips against his earlobe, the proximity making the scholar’s body instantly warm up.

And the little kiss you left on his ear certainly didn't help his act. That little kiss that soon merged into an assault on his face, starting with his sensitive ears before moving to kiss the length of his jawline. And you didn't miss the microscopic smile that formed on the corners of his lips, so subtle in its appearance to untrained eyes yet quite obvious to your keen ones.

“Alhaitham,” You mumbled, kissing the corners of his lips. “I know you're awake.” Yet he did not bulge, well, other that almost invisible smirk that seemed to get wider. 

“Tch, Alhaitham…” You were starting to get annoyed, groaning his name, still quiet but now more frustrated with the lack of a response. Despite his stoic appearance Alhaitham was quite a tease and you were his biggest victim.

Still, you were going to force a reaction out of him.

You leaned down, lips meeting his with an unspoken urgency. Little did you know that you had fallen right into his trap. Just two seconds in and you realized that you couldn't pull back. His hand trapped you from the back of your head into the kiss, all while his tongue tried to breach into your mouth, completely throwing out any act of unconsciousness. And you reciprocated, warmly inviting him in as you tried to stabilize yourself.

He pulled away quite abruptly, leaving you gasping and wondering where you had failed to end up a fool in this situation. But as soon as you caught your breath you dared to look back at him only to find those sharp, yet affectionate eagle eyes staring back at you, deeper than you expected them to. “Good morning.” You repeat yourself, your voice appearing much softer than it did moments before.

“A good one indeed.” He took the chance to kiss you again, this time on the cheek, watching it turn warmer in both temperature and color.

“You aren't even going to say it back.” You criticized, resting your head onto his chest, feeling its slow rises and falls.

“Good morning to you too.” Despite his teasing demeanor he was quick to give into your demands, running his fingers through your hair like an unspoken apology.

You wanted to melt into his hands, yet there was still something that you had to do, the reason why you even woke him up like this. “Close your eyes.” You sat up again, setting your weight onto his hips before covering his eyes with your left hand. “Oh?” Alhaitham did nothing to fight back as his world fell dark, he just relaxed into the sheets and let you handle the surprise. 

“Open your mouth.” And he did just as you asked. You grabbed the plate you had left on the bedside table, the one Alhaitham was luckily too distracted to spot, before scooping some cake onto the fork and moving it up to his lips.

He bit onto the cake piece, rolling it over his tongue and savoring the taste. Firstly, he was sure that this wasn't from the Lambad’s tavern, he went there so many times he could guess without taking a single look. But it also tasted awfully familiar, definitely something he had tried before. His heart felt warm, but not the usual kind of warm, no, more akin to that childlike warmness, the kind you would feel when visiting your old house or taking a bite out of your grandmother's warm soup or…

That was it. 

He felt like a child again, swallowing down the nostalgia together with the cake piece, letting it digest and become a part of him yet again. “Where did you get the recipe from?” He asked, getting a chance to open his eyes again when you moved your hands to feed him another piece.

“Ah, long story.” You chuckled. “I was sorting out your books a few months ago when a piece of paper slipped out of one of them. It looked really old, but after taking the time to decipher the handwriting it looked like a cake recipe. Figured that it must have been your grandmother's and thought that it would make for a nice surprise.” You looked back down at him, searching for a reaction in those teal eyes, needing to know how he felt about the matter. “Is it good?”

Alhaitham greedily took another bite of the cake. “Amazing…” He answered before even swallowing, sitting back up to be at the same level with his spouse. Oh, it all made sense now. He can so clearly remember everything now, helping his grandmother bake a cake for his birthday and eating it later the same day with one of her books by his side. He felt like he was floating through the memories, all so lucid yet so real at the same time.

And when he opened his eyes again he was met with an equally beautiful, equally real, sight of the love of his life. Without a second thought he buried his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent with that selfish affection he always did.

“You really enjoy it, hmm?” You asked, feeling yourself getting pulled right back into the mattress, cuddling up to your husband. He just mumbled something incoherently, all the logic and rationality everyone knew him for gone and replaced with that childlike joy.

“H-Hey…” You crashed with him back onto the bed, fighting not to spill the contents of the plate all over the sheets.

“I love you.” He murmured into your ear, words so full of love you felt like you could melt into him. The way he held you close, strong muscular arms wrapped around your entire being pulling you into him. Oh, and you only pushed yourself further into him, returning all his love with equal enthusiasm. 

“I love you too.” You moved his hair back to plant the softest kiss on his forehead, feeling how he nuzzled right back into you. Yet somehow all that love didn't feel suffocating at all. No, it felt like being enveloped in the warmest blankets, protected from the outside’s coldness while enjoying its softness.

“Should I pack some of the cake and bring it with us to Lambad’s?” You asked, but only got a quiet “mhm…” as an answer. It was a painful reminder to the acting Grand Sage that he has plans for later today. Oh, how he would most rather just stay at home the entire day and forget about socializing.

“Are we even going to Lambad’s?” You retorted, your voice thick with sarcasm. Even if intended rhetorically, Alhaitham responded with seriousness you'd rather ignore. “I’ll think about it.”

You went to Lambad's tavern later that night.

[Writer’s note: I kinda feel like I've made it too short. Like I should have went into more detail at some parts and stuff. Can't really blame myself though since even if I started on Monday I hadn't had much time to write because of life stuff. Literally finishing this at the night of his birthday lol. Overall not that bad, but I'll try harder next year. Bye bye.]