#and then there's all my other problems which realistically all stem from trauma and my overall upbringing

[no-one-hears-me]

so crazy how we only get one life to live and so far I've spent mine being miserable

[piracytheorist]

Damian Desmond, the bully and the victim

I'm prefacing this by saying I was bullied as a kid at school. It was not the worst bullying story you'll ever hear, but that makes no difference in bully victims, cause no amount of "It could be worse!" can heal the life-long scars bullying leaves in you. I'm not saying this to evoke pity or sympathy, but to give context for my point of view in this analysis.

My two most prominent (and persisting) bullies through my school years were two boys, unrelated to each other and in different times (one was in elementary school and one in high school), who both had divorced parents and lived with their mothers. I don't know the full details of what their relationships with their fathers were, but I can easily guess that there were unfulfilled wishes in their lives, and once they found me they were like "That's who I'll burst out my frustrations on". As if I didn't have my own issues at home, but why would my problems matter from their point of view?

The thing with bullies (and abusers in general) is that, for the most part, they don't understand the pain they're causing - and if they do, they think their victim needs (tough love situation) or deserves it. Everyone is a hero in their own story - I regrettably made fun of a classmate a few times, out of my own need to feel superior for once after having been on the receiving end for so long. And I can tell you that my justification for doing so was something like "I am smart and this kid should listen to me, if he does he will become smart too!". It was only much, much later that I realized that didn't hold and the kid was actually hurt by my uncalled-for behaviour. Usually, bullies don't have the empathy, or if they do they simply don't put it to use, to see things from their victim's perspective.

And in all the praise I have to give Endo for writing Anya very realistically as a child, I also have to give it to him for how realistic the bullying is. It starts immediately, uncritically. It persists and the stupid excuse of "Just ignore them" doesn't work at all. Anya gets angry and upset at it, to the point of violent outbursts and tears (though thankfully presented in such a way that the audience doesn't blame her). Combined with his conflicting emotions about her, Damian has found the perfect victim for his bullying; Anya is an outcast (aside from having Becky, thank god), has physical attributes he can make fun of, and because of her wanting to help with Operation Strix she just constantly presents herself to him, when normally she would try her damnedest to avoid him (like Becky always advises her to).

Everything Damian does is an outburst of his own feelings of neglect. I know manga readers know more about the family dynamic, but as an anime only I've also been given enough to understand it's very, very problematic. But that's not an excuse. Having trauma on your own does not excuse thrusting trauma upon others. I mean, you think Anya, the orphan from the lab who didn't have anyone to give a damn about her happiness until she had to manipulate both her ways into getting a father and then a mother, has less trauma than Damian does???

It's not an excuse, but it's a dynamic for Damian to become better. Damian's behaviour problem doesn't only stem from him being neglected; it's also from the fact that he hasn't been taught sympathy. Which, like, makes sense. His father is an ambitious politician who genuinely believes that it's impossible for humans, even relatives, to understand each other, and had no qualms saying this right in front of his kid.

When it comes to Damian's behaviour, it does not matter that those words hurt him terribly. He doesn't have the emotional maturity and empathy yet to understand that he's only perpetuating the same toxic behaviour with his classmates. The fact that Donovan felt so comfortable saying those words in front of both his own son and a total stranger shows that it's something he's used to; and such traits can very easily be passed on from parents to kids without even consciously trying.

Meanwhile, while Anya had a much worse time while being used as a science subject, she was taught the idea of peace; in the first episode flashback, the scientists talk about how they can use her powers for world peace, to justify cutting her play time short in favor of whatever they were doing with her. When Twilight thinks that understanding her will lead to world peace, she immediately starts complying with that. And when she hears his thoughts about how he wants to create a better world, she decides to stay with him as his daughter to help him in the mission, despite understanding the risk and knowing that whether the mission fails or succeeds, Twilight will walk away in the end. She understands the idea of kindness and good. Maybe the way she was introduced to it wasn't the most noble - after all, the scientists were using it as an excuse to practically abuse her - but she still knows and understands enough about what it means for someone else to be happy.

Damian… doesn't. For the grand majority of his presentation he doesn't do things for someone else, in fact, he's so used to others doing things for him that we always see Ewen carry his backpack for him.

I do not doubt that Ewen himself, being the bootlicker he is, offered to carry it, but the fact that Damian never once went like "Nah it's okay man I can carry my weight today" is very telling about how not used he is to doing things for others.

However, his dynamic becomes interesting and receives redeeming qualities because of the times he does show altruism. First when he stops the ball from hitting Anya in the face during the dodgeball game, (though he instantly and openly regrets doing that). And it wasn't from conscious thought - it was an action purely out of protective instinct. Then, when he's the instigator of consoling George Glooman when the latter thinks he'll be moved out of the school. That one he also regrets doing, but it's much more understandable and it doesn't take away the sympathy he showed him.

There is something he constantly does, however, with someone else in mind; he studies hard and tries to excel at school to receive Stellas, in order to get his father's attention. His way of getting that attention has been so messed up by his upbringing that he thinks the only way of getting any positive interaction with his father is by working hard to not be a "failure". And even that hides some personal motives behind it, because the poor kid longs for some affection from his family. Donovan's character and the distance Damian has from him, his mother (when he calls home, he talks with their butler, not her), and his brother all combined do not allow the kid to understand the concept of doing something to make someone else happy, even (or especially) if there's nothing in it for him.

That's not selflessness; that's a neglected kid pushing himself to prove to his abusers that he's deserving of their affection, something he naturally craves and obviously misses from his life. Tough "love" is so prominent in the Desmond family that Damian had no hopes of growing any differently.

He has the potential to become better and has only been held back because of his family's toxic environment. But he needs to develop a conscious understanding of altruism first if his character is to grow into a morally better area.

You can't just give a character a painful backstory and expect audiences to automatically root for their happiness. You need to show your character also has grown empathy because of said painful experiences. We see it with all three mains. Anya was treated as a lab experiment; you start rooting for her when you see that she wants to help bring peace. Twilight went through a war as a kid; you root for him when he says he wants to create a world where kids won't go through the same thing. Yor lost her parents when she was very young; you root for her when you learn that she took care of her brother and gave him opportunities for education and a better future that she rejected for herself in his favour.

So yeah, I do feel sorry for Damian. But right now I only root for him to understand the meaning of making someone else happy — the meaning behind his own protective action over Anya in the dodgeball game and the sympathy he showed George. When he does that, and he realizes he has more in common with Anya than he dares to accept, it's only then that he'll grow from a layered but still toxic bully into a character audiences can root for.

It's also not the responsibility of Anya of all people to take up all the abuse from him and be the one to help him build up some character. It has to be him making the realization, and Anya can choose to be a friend to him as he does that, but in no way can his development depend on her.

(Again, anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

[cherry-pop-elf]

Hi! My name is Belladonna. I am a TransMasc Disabled Hispanic. Yeah, I’m some peoples worse nightmare. Slay. Anyway, I am disabled. With Fibromyalgia, which has forced me into a wheelchair. Along with PTSD, Chronic Migraines, Chronic Fatigue, Brain Damage, and a laundry list of other things. But those are the things that have GREATLY affected my life. You are probably wondering why you are seeing this in your Harry Potter Tag. Right? I’ll explain’

So, I’m trying to spread disability awareness and normalize it in media. REALISTIC disability. Not just anime scar over the eye brow. Stuff that is real. Because the media glamorizes its horribly. Uses it as a plot point. I can go one for hours. You get the point here. Social media can suck, BUT it can also be wonderful!

So if you guys have like requests of like Harry Potter Style “How would X react to X type reader-“ Disabled Headcanons and stories, shoot them my way. Or like requesting to see my headcanons on X person. And their disabilities. I’ll give it my best, and properly research. Along with speak with people who have those issues. I specifically choose Harry Potter as it has been very important for me in processing my disability grief, and over all a massive comfort. And since the fandom reclaimed it from You Know Who, it’s our turn to design it to what we like. So, hell ye

I won’t get it perfect, and I refuse to say I will, but at the same time that’s the beauty of it. Even fictional disabilitys, like Werewolfism, is rooted in real bodily functions. Every disability is different. Most people who have Fibromyalgia don’t need a wheelchair. I do. So just because I’m not getting it “100% accurate” doesn’t mean someone out there can’t see themselves in it.

These will be stories written by a disabled person, through a disabled lenses. So even if I don’t get it 100% right, the exhaustion and trauma of what it’s like will be there. There’s gonna be soul, and no corporate sugar coating.

Disabilities aren’t pretty, and that needs to be normalized. We aren’t freaks of nature. Not every disability is stemmed from a accident or trauma. Disable people exist. And if you have a problem with it, ask yourself this. Who’s the one able to walk to the bathroom with out fear of collapsing? Who can go get the mail? Who can leave their bed? Who can go to school with no wheelchair? You, or me? That’s what I thought

So, send me your asks. I should have a master list made soon! Thank you all! And don’t be shy in asking me questions, in general, about disabilities. This is a safe space. No stupid questions. The fact you even ASKED is speaking volumes. You WANTING TO LEARN is all that matters. Love you lots! 🫂

[yoonia]

Hey Dia! I’d like to share more stuff I talked about in my last message (the seven deadly sins au) if it’s fine. Fair warning, I’m gonna send more than one ask related to this fic, so be on the lookout lol.

For Lust, I’ve been thinking about casting Taehyung. I do like Jimin being associated with the same sin but I thought of doing something different and just to make it less predictable (like with EANA). Also idk if I’m the only one but I feel like Tae and Jimin give different vibes when they’re depicted as the sin of lust, not that it’s bad of course. Idk how I can explain it though.

In this story, OC here feels lonely because everyone she knows is dating someone except her. The thing is though, she has a fear of commitment and intimacy (because trauma). So one night at a bar, OC meets Taehyung and sleeps with him that same night. And for a while, OC would regularly visit and spend time with him and the 2 of them would explore all kinds of kinks. But the problem is that their whole relationship revolves around sex and nothing else, (which is shallow and superficial obviously). But they both realize that eventually. For Taehyung, he realizes he’s never learned how to form genuine connections with ordinary humans (despite wandering the earth for several years). And for OC, she realizes she needs to love herself before loving others. She only wanted to “date” Taehyung because she felt left out and didn’t know (or see) her self worth. And she only likes the idea of being in love.

I came up with this storyline in particular because when I watched that one video I mentioned from my last message, it explains how lust stems from loneliness. And I just think that’s something a lot of people can relate to. I’m ngl, idk if it’s just me (or maybe I don’t have as wide as a variety with reading fics as I thought lol) but I haven’t really seen lot of fics out there with realistic portrayals of friends with benefits relationships (and the side effects). Ig I’m just curious what it would be like to write one that shows the more unhealthy sides of those kinds of relationships. Not that it’s bad to write fics the way you want to of course (I really hope it doesn’t sound like I’m shaming anybody’s writing btw)

I actually have a rough draft that’s in progress rn but nothing’s set it stone yet. I like what I’ve written so far though😊

I'm sorry I always so late getting back to you but OMG you need to write this 😭😭😭 for real. I love it!

(ps. I'm answering your asks separately so I can respond more coherently since my brain is running slow after I got sick lol)

I can totally see what you meant about Tae and Jimin having different vibes if you want to relate them with Lust. I think it's similar to how people always see Jimin as somewhat a Slytherin, as he seems to have this mischievous and darker side that can be completely unpredictable, which is why he seems to be the perfect candidate for Lust. But you know, seeing Taehyung's most recent..."endeavours" (the thirst traps he constantly threw at us ever since he started Instagram, his photoshoots, his most recent release), he does have this bad boy side of him that feels a bit more like a frat boy-ish vibe which, I can totally see as Lust.

You always have different twists with your ideas, so they're always awesome and I love reading through them.

Back to your idea, I think it's great to challenge yourself with writing in a darker theme. People are often afraid of delving into heavy topics like unhealthy relationships because they know that readers often dive into fiction work looking for happy endings as their form of escape, but there are others (like me, heh) who love reading these types of stories. Yes, writing toxic relationships, cheating, or types of relationships you mentioned above, often takes you a bit too close to reality as they happen in real life, but that's actually the beauty of writing, you know? Bringing real topics that we meet in life into a story so we can truly "feel" it. Sometimes, reading about pain can be cathartic and healing for some, which is why angst fics still have many readers.

What I love about your idea for this story is how it challenges your characters to grow as people and to test whether or not they can communicate with each other in the story. While your challenge would be about bringing all of this to life (which seems fun, tbh. I love challenges).

I say continue polishing your rough draft and let your your idea grow. The way you write in bullet points (the way you sent the ideas for EANA to me) was one of the ways I often do when I brainstorm ideas. You'll probably end up fixing some plotholes and filling up the scenes once you continue going with it.

(ps. 2. if you're still on my Patreon, you can use my writing practice sheets to organize your ideas. I have some more of these sheets coming soon so I hope they can help you with developing this idea--and others)

[kidflashimpulse]

i personally really wanna know what Bart's relationship with the mental health check-ups is. like, is he super tight-lipped about what he's been through and plays everything off as fine, that he's handling it? does he talk about certain stuff but not others? has he legitimately gone to therapy since s2 or has he only done what's required of him? i'm very very curious

Okay, so this is such a good question it has taken me forever to put this together because I have a million thoughts and its impossible for me to put a proper structure to it so please bare with me, I tried my best LOL also I am SO SORRY for writing up this essay as my response LMAO i don't know, the words just won't stop !

warning: it is a lot im so sorry lol

From what I've read among the fandom, I often read that hes been put to therapy pretty much from the moment season 2 ends and has since his stay in the present managed to somewhat "heal" from his trauma or at least confront it one way or another.

Personally, I somewhat disagree with this approach. First, like we've seen from Gars arc, BB had been suffering for months pretty badly, but interventions and mandatory check ups weren't at all enforced on him until what many thought was pretty late. Honestly, I found this actually pretty realistic. From both a "slice of life" aspect as well as what's typically expected from professionals. Thats because you can't force someone to seek help unless they pose a threat to themselves or can't care for themselves anymore. So people really only intervene when things reach their nuclear stage. Typically people who also need help withdraw themselves from their social circle, as we saw with Gar, which idk if ppl realise makes it incredibly hard for them to even try to help (not out of a lack of empathy, but because they have their own responsibilities, and if someone withdraws themselves from you, then its much harder to approach them or be aware of the extent of their mental health problems). Again, I actually found his friends general involvement in Gars mental health journey fairly realistic.

I think people also overestimate the reach (heh) of the Leagues mental health efforts. The mandatory aspect is a simple "check up" and this involves a lot of people. So unless someone is actively seeking or needs help, theres only so much this service can do.

Now how this unwarrented essay on an imaginary health care system ties in to Bart (lol im so sorry for my rambles), well ill tie that in later.

Now, maybe im reading too much into it considering how him being fine was made into a gag in the Elder Wisdom Season 3 episode lol, but his first reaction (which at that point wasn't made into a recurring joke) to Barrys worry was very much "its nothing, im fine, your worry is annoying". His emotional intelligence was also displayed from his scene later on where he manages to call out what Jay was really going thru for what it was.

Elder wisdom was an episode that was listed multiple times in the watch list for the series and Jays involvement was pretty prominent in it. Now with how Phantoms concluded, Jay was listed as someone by Dinah in the last episode who has needed mental support, so it seems like that plot line has been continued. Now I don't know about you, but I interpreted Dinahs mention of Jays issues to stem from Bart being missing (compounding onto general hero life stress and him probably still mourning Joan). This is because the creators of YJ always heavily emphasise that "everything u need to know regarding all plots is what is shown" and starting from the moment in season 3 where Bart guarantees he's not going anywhere, to the moment that Jay returns to an empty home from which Bart was missing for over two weeks, to the conclusion of Jay needing mental support, I feel like its a very tidy and directly connected storyline.

Another thing from that episode which has been continued over this season is that Bart is always guaranteeing that hes fine. Its a little jarring in parallel to the worry Jay was going thru, especially with us as the audience knowing that he actually has been through a lot in those two weeks and that all that time he was literally in bandages. But the moment hes awake with Clark and co, he guarantees hes fine and immediately resumes with the mission.

What I found pretty interesting with Barts involvement in Phantoms is that a lot of what has been previously assumed of him from season 2 has been supported this season. I believe the intention of his scene with the Legion when he pretty much cornered them into revealing the truth is that he somewhat has a switch on his personality depending on the circumstances. Which to an extent supports the notion that while his general personality is pretty much genuine, what he shows depends on what hes in the mood to play up or down.

From season 2 we've seen that he can be pretty tight lipped on what he wants. From season 3 we've seen him adjust to his new timeline pretty well and in season 4 we've seen some of his complexities as well as how it can affect the people he cares about.

So, with all this in mind, to answer your questions. With the check ups being spread thin with the purpose of singling out people who are shown to need/ask for it and his affinity for being tight lipped as well as playing everything off, guaranteeing that hes fine and keeping to himself, hes really only done what hes been required to do and played off any need for concern that would require him to seek further help. This doesn't mean I don't think he hasn't talked about stuff with the people hes close with.

Lastly, he also has the factor that a lot his background has to do with the future. Sure it might be one that doesn't exist anymore, but im sure he'd struggle to explain things without giving away too many things that he'd believe he really shouldn't be saying. Also his very specific background restricts him from seeking any professional help outside of league related resources.

So yeah, if you made it to the end of my post, thank you for reading :D <3 I hope through all this I at the very least, managed to address your questions and give my two cents on our fave speedsters relationship with mental health check ups

[sofoulandfairaday]

The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever). 

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that. 

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre). 

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it. 

Barney

 Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too. 

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great. 

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture. 

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together. 

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case. 

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on". 

What a load of crap. 

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing"). 

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park). 

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have. 

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way. 

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one. 

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure? 

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love. 

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it. 

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her. 

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before! 

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.

[emeraldvagabond]

The title of “High Lady” is meaningless also because of the the fact that Feyre started being High lady and then had a kid like a year or less after. Not saying the any female political leaders can’t have kids but I don’t think that it’s a stretch to say that political leaders—men or women—don’t have a lot of time to raise a new born baby without hired help. Their busy leading a country. Sarah J makes a point in a acowar and acofas to write Rhysand going on meetings and actually doing high lord stuff. I noticed that when he’s not on page, he’s usually busy doing something (they’re mostly one-liners with no further explanation or it’s mentioned in passing, but I noticed that Sarah says Rhysand is usually in some type of non-specific meeting to explain him being absent from specific scenes.)

But in Acosf, where the narrative doesn’t require Feyre to be present all the time, sarah doesn’t do this with Feyre. Why isn’t Feyre going to these meetings with Rhysand throughout acowar, acofas, and acosf? Why doesn’t she go with him to check up on the Illyrian camps, or help plot alliances and figure out peace (outside of the walls of her new home cause the only time we see her actually talking about important stuff after acowar with the rest of the characters is when it’s already a casual meeting inside one of her 5 houses where she would’ve been even if the meeting was taking place without her.) the only time she takes initiative in being apart of diplomatic/political affairs and conversations is at the CoN AND EVEN THEN, shes just a trophy for Rhysand to show off and she doesn’t have much say/knowledge about what’s actually being discussed in those moments. She does very little talking in those scenes (The first example I think about it that one scene in WAR where Rhys went behind all their backs and made a deal with Eris + Keir. Even Feyre didn’t know anything about Rhys’s plan)

Why does she have time to teach art classes and raise a child if BOTH her and Rhysand are supposedly busy being high lord and High lady. I guess people could say that the others will help out with Nyx but Cassian is busy being a general. Az is a spy and is usually off doing that. Mor wasn’t even in the NC for the majority of SF. I doubt that they’d be willing to hire a 24/7, live-in nanny. Nesta and Elain have their own internal problems to deal with so I don’t think it’d be fair of Feyre to just expect them to help non-stop. It’s ridiculously dumb to think that Feyre is even close to being Rhysand’s (or any other high lords) political equal. Makes me roll my eyes everytime people think that Feyre being a High Lady makes her a powerful female characters. It literally means nothing.

You're right and you should say it. Title ≠ power. He gives her the title, gifts it to her on their wedding night. Thereby gifting her a political place. Except she doesn't ever use it, because she's never given a chance. Feyre says all through the second book that her biggest fear is becoming the Spring Courts Lady, Tamlins trophy, but then she gets this title from Rhysand and goes "yes my life is complete time to fulfill my duty of bearing children"

And i get that people can change their minds. I understand that- i get that sometimes "not wanting" children means not wanting them with a specific person. Or under specific circumstances. But this distaste for children stems from a fear of becoming a prize for Tamlin to show off, instead of his wife and lady, and mother of his children. That is practically written in the second book. SJM is not known for her ability to show in her writing.

But then she gets with Rhys and becomes....exactly that. She does nothing but sit pretty in those crowns he gives her, but because he's given her a title that hold inexplicable weight but never expects the responsibility of it...she thinks she made it.

Now, as Lady of the Spring Court, I imagine her responsibilities would be a little more complicated than she was making them out to be in the first book. She's worrying about embroidering pillows and making guest lists...but realistically she would take care of the house, direct servants, host parties, and charities(which would be needed after the return from UtM...Tamlin's people had suffered non-stop loss for 50 years.) Rearing young animals, keeping tabs of the finances alongside Tamlin, spending time in the villages among the people checking on their work but also sharing in their joys and plights, giving when people are struggling, providing comfort and amends and companionship, she would have been expected to study the laws and their history, traditions of the Spring Court and where they came from and why they are upheld. She would be expected to learn about the land of the court itself, would have been in charge of staffing and overseeing the workers, including servants and guards and everything in between, she would have had her own orchards or livestock for when the trading became slow, she would have, alongside women that she had chosen, tend the gardens and help in the harvest, make clothes and other things for her staff and people. And that would have only been the surface of her duties as the Lady of the Court.

But, she's worried about embroidering pillows BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO READ, and yet she expects this title of ruler to be handed to her. Read that again. She does not know how to read and she wants complete political power.

When she does become Rhysand's Highlady....she....literally doesn't do anything. Nesta did more in their estate that was gifted to them by Tamlin, where she isn't in charge of whole lands, than Feyre ever does while being Highlady. Feyre stays in Rhysand's bed, or on his lap, or silently at his side. She doesn't attend meetings, she doesn't learn the people she's now ruler of, she doesn't know the laws or the history of the place. She doesn't even bother to learn. She is literally nothing more than a pretty consolation prize for Rhysand, and she never even realizes it....because he's just that good at manipulation, I suppose.

Sigh.

And you, again, are absolutely right about being unable to do the things that she wasn't doing anyway with a newborn. Either she will have to be reduced to even less than she is now, or she will expect it of her sisters.

Honestly, at this point, all Rhysand did was move her from one "cage" into the next. This ones just gilded because he miraculously shows no signs of trauma despite being ✨the most traumatized character of alllll✨

[cavehags]

i realize this will probably bring up old drama so you might not want to answer it. but do you ever regret, however on purpose or on accident, bringing all that unnecesary hate towards Katara? i'm really sad and dissapointed tbh. i'm a woman of color and katara was so important to me growing up. my favorite animated woman ever. and then this resurgence comes and theres so, so much unnecesary hatred for her and everyone ignoring everything that makes her a good character.

(2/3) 2- and you know, i expected this from the male side of the fandom. they were misogynistic to her and the others even back then so i would expect it to be even worse with how internet culture is more mysogistic now that ever. and i wasnt wrong. male atla fans had some truly horrible takes and views that just came across as racism and misogyny. but, i expected these circles to be better. to be a safe space for us woc who love this character. but i found the same weird hatred for her.

(3/3) 3-i just, i cant believe i feel less welcome now that i did even back then. and back then i didnt even paricipate really. but at least i could enjoy fandom content without stumbling into misogyny and racism every other post. also sorry for sending this to your personal blog b i just wanted to let you know you controbuted to that too even if it wasnt your intention. at least you realized that and arent contributing to it anymore right? cause honestly the hate has only gotten worse not less.

hey anon. thanks for asking this question, because i hadn’t addressed this topic previously and this gave me an opportunity to do so. 

no, i don’t regret publicly interpreting a character whom i love through a nuanced and human lens. and i don’t regret combating the one-dimensional interpretation of this character, which posits that she’s merely an vaguely defined object of attraction for some boy or another, and a singularly gentle, mature, maternal figure whose sole purpose in life is to nurture others. those interpretations suck. they rob her of the humanity and complexity that make her character unique and they stem from misogynistic tropes that reduce women to the services they can provide to men. the thing in the world that matters most to me is fighting misogyny, and this trend to diminish a proud and powerful and angry teenage girl by exaggerating only her most socially acceptable traits is misogyny. 

unlike you, i did not grow up watching avatar: the last airbender. the shows i watched growing up did not have a lot of girls who felt real to me. the girls i saw on tv growing up were simple. they were the main characters’ crushes. they were simple, desirable, usually sweet and loving, and not much else. if they had a flaw, it was that they were, at best, “awkward.” whatever that means. or if they were the protagonists, which was rare, they were nice enough and tried to do the right thing, but they never had strong feelings like resentment and anger. they weren’t allowed to be unfeminine which meant they weren’t allowed to be bitter, angry or in any way flawed. they didn’t look like the version of girlhood i knew to be true for me personally, which included a lot of anger and frustration and powerlessness. 

that crappy representation left me with internalized misogyny that chased me for longer than i’d like to admit. i did not learn to think of girls as humans who could be as interesting and flawed and messy as the boys were. i did not value myself as a girl, and later a woman, because i thought the best thing a girl could be was... bland. boring. pretty, but empty. passionless.

it would have meant the world to me to see a character like katara. 

because katara is angry. she has every right to be: she’s had so much stolen from her, including her mother, her people, and her childhood. katara has a short fuse. she yells. she snaps. she fucks up. sometimes she makes mean jokes! i never saw a single one of those dreamily perfect cartoon love interests make mean jokes when i was a kid. she is extremely idealistic--it’s her defining character trait--but we see the bad side of that as well as the good. we see that her need to help others  leads her to act rashly, to get herself into danger, to put others in danger too. 

and she has her very own arc. it’s not about her love for another person, either (what a snooze of a storyline); it’s about growing up and learning to break down some of that stubborn black-and-white thinking that we all indulge in as children. it’s a true coming-of-age arc and it belongs to a fourteen-year-old girl. 

when i, to use a phrase i find crass, “entered the fandom,” i quickly realized that other fans’ perceptions of katara did not line up with the things i valued most about her. other fans seemed to valorize her most socially acceptable feminine qualities: her generosity, her kindness, her dedication to helping others. and of course i love those parts of her--i love everything about her--but what is really remarkable about avatar: the last airbender is that katara’s many important virtues are also counterbalanced by equally significant flaws. a good character has flaws. katara is a good character, and a deviation from the characters who made up my formative media landscape, because she has flaws. her temper, her idealism, her stubbornness--these are flaws. flaws make her seem real and human and challenge the mainstream sentiment that girls are not real or human.

it simply did not occur to me that celebrating these aspects of katara that make her a realistic and well-written teenage girl would spark ire from other adult fans. it absolutely did not occur to me that i would then be blamed for somehow causing misogynistic interpretations of this character, particularly given that misogynistic interpretations of this character are the very thing i sought to correct when i began to blog about this television show.

i’m told there are “fans” on instagram and tiktok who think katara is whiny, annoying, and overly preoccupied with her trauma. i do not use instagram or tiktok, so i wouldn’t know, but i’ll take your word for it. respectfully, however, they didn’t get that from me. misogynistic takes on katara have existed since before i came along. i have never, ever called katara whiny. and seeing as i have been treating my own PTSD in therapy for nine years, you can safely conclude that i don’t think anyone, katara included, is overly preoccupied with their trauma. that’s not a thing. do i think she’s annoying? of course not! as a character, she’s a delight. does she sometimes find real joy in aggravating her brother and her friends? yes, because she’s 14. i, an adult, am not annoyed by her. sokka and toph often are, because that is katara’s goal and katara always succeeds in her goals. she’s not “annoying.” 

if there are “fans” who are indeed following lesbians4sokka and somehow misreading every single post and interpreting them to mean that we hate katara and they should too, i don’t really know what you want me to do about that. l4s has over ten thousand followers and we have already posted so many essays disavowing katara hate. our feminist and antiracist objectives in running the blog are literally pinned with the headline “please read.”

furthermore, you cannot reasonably expect my co-blogger and me to control the way our words will be received. we should not have to, and are not going to, add a disclaimer to every post saying that when we critique or make jokes about a teenage girl we are doing so through a feminist lens. our url is lesbians4sokka, and we are clearly women. if that alone doesn’t make it obvious, then refer back to that pinned post. 

it is indescribably frustrating, and really goddamn depressing as well, that people are so comfortable with the misogynistic binary of Perfect Good Women and Flawed Wicked Bitches that they perceive any discussion of a woman’s flaws to be necessarily relegating her to the latter camp. if that is how you (a generic you) perceive women, then i’m sorry, but you’ve internalized sexism that i cannot cure you of. and it’s unjust to expect my friend and me to write for the lowest common denominator of readers who have not yet had their own feminist awakenings. we do not write picture books for babies. we write for ourselves, and with the expectation that our readers can think critically. reading media through a feminist lens is my primary interest; i have no intention of excising that angle from my writing.

as i go through my life, i am going to embrace the flaws of girls and women because not enough people do. as long as the dominant narratives surrounding women are “good and perfect” and “unlovable wh*re,” you’ll find me highlighting flawed, realistic, righteously angry women in the margins. and for what it’s worth, it’s not just katara. i champion depictions of angry girls in all sorts of media. that’s sort of my whole thing. my favorite movies are part of the angry girl cinematic universe: thoroughbreds, jennifer’s body, hard candy, jojo rabbit, et cetera. on tv, in addition to katara, you’ll find me celebrating tuca and bertie, poppy from mythic quest, tulip and lake from infinity train, korra, and more. i adore all these women and see myself in them. i hope you find this suitably persuasive to establish that i have sufficient Feminist Cred, according to your standards, to observe and write about these very flawed and human fictional women. 

what i’m saying is this: i decline to take responsibility for the misogynistic discourse orbiting a children’s cartoon. as someone who writes about that series from a perspective that seeks to add humanity and nuance to the reductive, one-dimensional, overwhelmingly sexist writing that already exists, i am pretty taken aback that i am the one being blamed for the very problem i sought to address. except not that taken aback because i am a woman online, haha! and this is always how it goes for us. 

finally, i think it sucks that you’ve chosen to blame me for a problem that begins and ends with the patriarchy. i can’t control the way this response will be perceived, just like how i can’t control the way anything will be perceived because i am just one human woman, but i do hope you choose to be reflective, and consider why you’ve chosen this avenue to assign blame. 

[feysandfeels]

ACOSF: very long, very spoilery review

No one asked me to do this, but I need to talk, discuss and get it all out there.I am still very much feeling the high of this book, but I thought I would share some of my opinions. These of course might change as time passes and I reread the series and the book. But as of now here is where I stand.

If you did not like the book or had many issues with it, maybe this isn’t the post for you.

For reading purposes I will divide this in different sections that I hope can effectively tackle what I want to talk about. 

When I say it’s a long post... I mean it’s long. 

II. Side Characters // III. Future Books.

I. Plot:

From the get go it became obvious that we would face an ACOMAF type of book, in which the development and advancement of the plot would stem largely from the characters. Where MAF created a more equal ratio between action and character, even if it prioritized character, SF really created a 70-30 ration, 70 would be character and 30 action. 

I’ve been seeing a few reviews where people say that there was no plot just sex and Nesta. I disagree. Nesta’s development was the plot. And it makes a lot of sense, to me, why we did not experience a lot of “action plot”: She is not a working member of the Night Court, at least not in the way the IC is in this book, so therefore she will not get full access into the different things that are at play.  Since Nesta is not a working member it makes sense that she is detached from what is happening, apart from the “please help us find these things”. The most action we get comes from Cassian who is more involved in the politic side of things and even then it was explained that he was needed for #InternationalRelationshipsWithEris, because he is a working member of the court. You can tell that they chose him for that because they literally had no one else: Feyre couldn’t risk people finding out she was pregnant, Mor had her own task and is not going to meet regularly with her abuser, Az and Rhys are fucking overworked and Amren is not a people’s person. I would have loved to see more of his work as a general when they are not at war -that we saw more in WAR- we get mentions of what he does but I wished we had gotten more on that front.

 Nesta: I have never hated Nesta, I simply could not see the logic behind her actions and her behavior. I now do. I understand why she came to be and I value her so much more now. Nesta showed another face mental illness can take, how a deep sense of failure can affect you, the darkest thoughts that you are afraid to voice, she voiced. She moved forward and then made mistakes, showing how healing is not linear. Her journey made a lot of sense to me. Her rage made sense to me, her sexuality made a lot of sense to me. I could empathize with her and for that I will be forever grateful, because sometimes rage that comes from a sense of failure is what you will also find in me. 

Her insecurities concerning Cassian, her feelings of unworthiness regarding Feyre, the guilt she felt when she thought of her father, her lack of control regarding the trauma she went. Nesta took all that and made it rage. And I could hardly judge her for that.

Thanks to the way she talked about the mating bond when Cassian was like “we’re mates” I could understand better why Feyre got so upset that Rhys didn’t tell her. The argument of it being tied to their humanity was very interesting.

Also the way that she relates to her power, having lack of control and understanding of what it is (and according to Amren, respect) and having that power being death. You cannot control death, you cannot fully understand it, and yet you have to walk each day with that presence. She has been marked by so much death and grief that I thought it was very appropriate that her journey is marked by her own fear of death and of that which she cannot control: death that now lives in her. There is so much to unpack in that aspect alone.

I loved that final sequence when she gives up her cauldron based powers because those came from rage. She took them when she was raging (and rightfully so) but those nurtured the fury and death she carried with her. So to have her literally give up her death (rage) powers to give live to the sister that literally gave it all for her was a beautiful poignant crystal clear moment –and hella intense too–. There is a sense of gratitud that I feel having read her story. 

Cassian: He was always God Tier for me. His warmth, openness, support and strength spoke to me on a personal level. He is truly the person you want in your life. And I love that we got to see him flawed and make mistakes and be aware of the role he has been playing (regarding Mor and Az, which I think is quite important to the development of that situation). 

As the person closest to Nesta in her recovery, I think it is very important that he knows the deep failure that Nesta is feeling and the sense of not being useful when they should have been. It makes it more clear why he was the one that could actually help her overcome those feelings and the storm they create in her. Now, the way he was supportive of her seems so realistic to me, the frustration, the anger, the wanting to shake the person: all of it happens in real life. You can have a lot of patience and want what’s best for them but some times to yourself and those who are not the person you are trying to help, you can show the frustration of wanting to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, but needs to. 

Finally I LOVED that there was acknowledgement of how observant and intelligent he is. Being a good general is not an easy task and I’m glad they explicitly said it, because Cass being understood as the dumb jock is done at this point. 

The sex: To me sex in SJM’s books are always more than just the wink wink nudge nudge-read it with a glass of wine-moment. They have always been a mechanism for us to get to know more about the characters and where they are in their journey. Even when they were just having sex, the way Nesta describes how open she is with Cassian is a pretty big tell of the groundwork that is being laid for her to start to understand what she feels for him. I think it is interesting to also see it as a reclaiming of her body and an exploration of her body with someone she trusts, as opposed to the way she was using sex to forget and to try to feel. Also, and I’ve said this before the fuck buddies -> lovers is an interesting dynamic, specially specially when every time they are together you know they both want more but they think the other doesn’t! That’s just *chef’s kiss*

The wider conflict: I think this book in the action-political plot was the ACOTAR of the problems we will face in the next ones. In the next one it will be like “shit what did we unleash” and start a political-spying plot. The characters that we all hope we will explore are more connected to the larger schemes that are taking place so we will see an expansion of that. Because this book was very self-contained. Think Guardians in the MCU, but here we have the clues and the basic groundwork for where the “action” part of the story will take is. I do not think it was lacking because from the get go it was shown that the main focus would be Nesta’s personal journey.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

My friends and I occasionally play that made-up game called "Kerfuffle" - A bit like DnD but with everyday life tasks and not as nerdy (sadly :D). You pick a random politician, TV char., etc. and try to overcome some challenges in a way you assume they'd do it. Last time we played, I obv picked s.o. from ST - Joyce. That was when a random thought crossed my mind: If s.o. were to name each ST main character's greatest weakness/ strength, what would be the outcome? I immediately thought of you. :D

Ok, now that the election is over, and my anxiety has come back down to its usual “only a little high” status, it’s back to business here. This is an interesting question from my pal @sollody here. I’m not going to be able to go too much into depth given the breadth of the question here, but it’ll be a nice look at several characters. Perhaps this will result in requests for more in-depth looks at some of them individually. For the sake of having a defined meaning of “main character,” I am only going with characters who were in all three seasons and were directly involved in the action (sorry, Mr. Clarke). I will make an exception for Max, as she’s just too central to leave out.

The Party

Mike

Greatest Strength: Determination. Once he sets his mind on something, he does everything in his power to see that it happens. Do not try to come between Mike and his objective. God help you if you try to stop him when his objective involves Will or El.

Greatest Weakness: A lack of emotional intelligence. Mike reacts to his emotions as they come. There’s no apparent self-awareness, and this results in impulsive behavior that leads to negative outcomes for himself and his relationships. The feelings themselves aren’t the problem. Mike just doesn’t understand them enough to react appropriately.

Will

Greatest Strength: Quick thinking. I was tempted to mention his compassion, but really Will’s greatest asset is his mental acuity. Since season 1 he has shown an impressive capacity for quick thinking in stressful situations.

Greatest Weakness: Insecurity. Will has self-esteem issues resulting from not only the Upside Down situation, but also more mundane personal and family experiences. He worries about how people view him and fears that he’s being left behind. This leads to him keeping important things to himself, things nobody, especially a child, should be expected to deal with alone.

Lucas

Greatest Strength: Rationality. Lucas has generally been the member of the party with the most down-to-earth mindset. Regardless of all of the supernatural goings on, Lucas has tried to view things realistically. His approaches to the events of the series have typically been the most practical, skeptical, and grounded. Ironically, this actually does make him a good Winston, though I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell him this.

Greatest Weakness: Overconfidence. Lucas is very sure of himself, sometimes too much so, even when warned off by others. From being sure that El was trouble, to risking a beating from Billy, to thinking he’s some suave expert on women, Lucas has made trouble for himself and his friends. He doesn’t meant to, of course, and a lot of this may come from some desire to “be a man.” Lucas needs to learn to accept himself as he is.

Dustin

Greatest Strength: Curiosity. Dustin is always looking to learn more about anything and everything. Nothing is too weird or off-putting for him. His knowledge has come very much in handy for the Party, and this general attitude has led to him accepting the supernatural events in stride.

Greatest Weakness: Recklessness. Dustin, in his pursuit of satisfying his curiosity, or some other goal, can fail to see clearly obvious dangers. Find a strange creature? Raise it yourself. See a strange growth in the underground tunnels? Go get a closer look. Find out about a possible Russian base in the mall? Let’s go check it out! His goals are often admirable, but his approach is often foolish.

El

Greatest Strength: Adaptability. El has managed to escape a government facility, survive in the woods, and travel to unfamiliar locations despite her young age. While she has been somewhat dependent on her powers, she’s managed to accomplish some impressive feats for someone who hasn’t had anything close to resembling a normal upbringing.

Greatest Weakness: Ignorance. This isn’t the “you’re so ignorant!” meaning of the word. I mean it in the truest sense of the word: El just lacks a lot of information in life. Most critically, she’s emotionally and socially unaware. A lot of her schemas for relationships come from TV shows and what little she picked up from Mike in season 1. She’s gotten somewhat better as the seasons moved on, but there’s just a lot she doesn’t know. This had led to her being suspicious, angry, and possessive (specifically of Mike), harming her relationships with others.

Max

Greatest Strength: Acceptance. Max doesn’t unduly judge anyone. Her issues with Mike stemmed from his treatment of her. Aside from that, some light teasing aside, she was more than happy to accept the Party as her friends. She didn’t let Lucas’ race get in the way of their mutual attraction, despite knowing what Neil and Billy would think about it. She wanted to be El’s friend from the start, and, despite being harshly rebuffed at first, she accepted El when she sought Max out in season 3. It’s really a testament to how determined she is to not continue the cycle that Neil and Billy brought into her life.

Greatest Weakness: Family. Honestly, Max’s biggest drawback is her home life. She’s worried that she may end up going down the same angry, abusive road as Billy and Neil. She’s mistrustful, snarky, and blunt even when not worked up, behaviors she likely developed due to exposure to Billy and Neil. She also seems to still love Billy despite his abusive behavior. This sort of family dynamic can be very damaging (and it was probably just as harmful to Billy). Hopefully, Max’s found family serves to offset the harm done by her “real” family.

Older Teens

Nancy

Greatest Strength: Determination. It must be a family trait. Nancy is relentless, and she will get to the truth of the matter, one way or another. Nobody, and indeed no monster, will keep her from what she’s after.

Greatest Weakness: Egocentrism. Nancy can easily lose sight of how things impact those around her. Her desire to prove herself has left her somewhat blind to the difficulties other people face. She has trouble relating to people from other situations.

Jonathan

Greatest Strength: Compassion. Jonathan has sacrificed a great deal for his family, and he’s apparent done it without any noticeable resentment. His treatment of Will resembles the ideal that a lot of parents hope for in their kids (though in reality Mike/Nancy or Lucas/Erica is the more realistic outcome). Jonathan just wants those important to him to be happy.

Greatest Weakness: Social Awkwardness. Jonathan has a great deal of trouble interacting with other people. This likely stems from his family situation, as his father leaving left his family as pariahs of sorts, and it also left him having to be a sort of father figure when he should have been able to be a regular teenager.

Steve

Greatest Strength: Courage. Yes, Steve has been freaked out by everything, but that’s irrelevant. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the ability to feel fear and not let it control you. Steve has willingly put himself in harm’s way for the sake of others in all three seasons. The only thing that scares Steve too much to overcome is social judgment...

Greatest Weakness: Insecurity. Yes, our buddy, King Steve, has self-esteem issues. This is why he’s always trying to play himself off as a hotshot. He’s simply too afraid to just be himself. Sadly, it’s only when he lets this guard down that he’s at his best. He’s made some stride at overcoming this, and I’m hopeful that he continues this in season 4.

Adults

Joyce

Greatest Strength: Ferocity. Do I even need to explain this? Do NOT threaten Joyce’s loved ones, especially Will. Just don’t.

Greatest Weakness: Emotional Reactivity. When stress hits Joyce, she reacts hard. It’s perfectly normal, given the level of stress she feels, but it leaves her seeming “crazy” and makes it hard for others to understand what she’s trying to get across. As a result, her message, warning, etc. is lost and her credibility is damaged. In less serious occurrences, she instead just comes across as belligerent or annoying, even though she’s generally right about whatever she’s on about.

Hopper

Greatest Strength: Compassion. Hopper is at his best when he’s trying to protect others. Despite having worked to close himself off from the world after his personal trauma, Hopper still feels compassion. He probably never wanted to feel anything for anyone again (perhaps why he returned to a boring town like Hawkins), but when tragedy struck it brought out the best in him. Though, that brings us to his weakness...

Greatest Weakness: Insensitivity. Perhaps ironically, Hopper’s weakness is the complete opposite of his strength. Hopper is a man who runs hot and cold. Which version of him that you get depends on his mood. If you get his bad side, prepare for harsh words, and perhaps harsher fists. This may help him get the job done at times, but it harms his relationships. He has a tremendous fear of loss, which results in him lashing out fiercely at those he cares for if they do something to that risks him losing them.

Ok, that’s the best I could come up with. I’d love to read other people’s thoughts on the matter.

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

Idk if I've already shared this w you but just in case I didn't

I can't reread ch11. I took my sweet time reading it the first time knowing there'd be a chance it would hit too close to home. Idk if you meant for it all to be that way, but vampire!H allowing himself to be happy even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it and knowing it won't work out in the long run but fuck it, he deserves to have some form of happiness in his life and she makes him happy and he seems to make her happy so he allowed himself to be happy even though he knows it's not gonna end up perfectly... Being in therapy for a year and suffering from a lot of things 2 years prior to that and having worked on myself for 2 years now, letting yourself feel whatever good things you're feeling and are happening around you is the most insufferable and difficult and annoying and insane parts of recovery. And you wrote it so beautifully and precisely that it hurts. It hurts because for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't let myself accept the good things life has to offer. And then you two come along and create a character that is basically me and I can see myself in him and then I read that he's trying to be better, trying to let himself feel good, despite his brain telling him he's not worthy.

He's a supernatural creature with decades of trauma. I get that he can't be an exactly accurate representation of my journey. But he is. Again, idk if you had mental health and recovery in mind when you created his character in the first place. In case you didn't, I need you both to know that your story is touching people in ways you can't even comprehend and ch11 felt like being wrapped in the most comfortable blankie sipping a warm cup of coffee, looking out the window and smelling and feeling the first drops of rain. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you.

(Please make sure leyla reads this as well)

x

Wow I’m truly so speechless, thank you so much!! Ch11 definitely gets a bit more into a lot of Harry’s issues, where they stem from, and how he deals with them now, which is definitely an emotional journey because the story is starting to unpack all of his problems on a deeper level now that he’s allowed himself to become vulnerable.

The book is obviously fiction and it’s based off fantasy with the monsters and all, but I feel like every good story needs to have a bit of truth in it to be impactful and meaningful, and I think that’s very well what Leyla and I intended for Harry’s character. I personally think it’s really important for novels to address mental health, because realistic characters just can’t be cookie-cutter perfect, since no person ever is. The fic has been pretty humorous thus far, with a few serious moments here and there that gave a peek into all of Harry’s inner turmoil with himself, and as the story will progress, you guys will see all of his baggage be unpacked and all of his battles laid out bare, which will include a lot of psychological things like depression, anxiety, guilt, self-loathing, trust and abandonment issues, emotional manipulation, etc (which will all have adequate warnings beforehand, don’t worry!!). It’s a made up person in a made up world, but he has his own versions of the problems a lot of real people deal with every day, and it’s good to have them represented and addressed so others know they’re not alone, that their struggles are valid, and that recovery is possible! It’s what gives him substance and makes him relatable!!

I’m really happy those specific parts of the fic resonated with you, it means we’re doing something right. Thank you for sharing your views on it and for letting us know that we made you feel seen in any way. It’s all we could hope for 🥺

[hazelcephalopod]

My Shameless unpopular opinions.

Disclaimer: I watched after the show fully ended and had read some of the synopsis for seasons and some episodes. No regrets but I’m sure it’s one reasons I’ve got some of these opinions. Also not actually sure if their that unpopular.

Btw it’s pretty long

Honestly every time Frank failed to die or be murdered was a disappointment to me

Fiona as a character makes sense honestly and her arc is good -in a trash fire way- but fuck do I never want to rewatch any of her relationship drama ever again. Or the landlord shit

Lips story and arc were really good. He just wasn’t a success story, it wasn’t fun or happy but it was realistic. He didn’t have the tools or desire to succeed at what everyone was pushing him to. The pressure sure didn’t help either

Lips rxn to Fiona after she starts to spiral in season 4 is b/c she’s basically his parent. He’s always been able to rely on her, the season before she promised safety and security by becoming the kids -including him at the time- guardian and her actions in season 4 feel like a betrayal to him. Like the rest of the kids this sort of behavior is a huge trigger and he looses tolerance for it overtime from being burned so much, he doesn’t want himself or the others to be a victim to that behavior anymore. (Which isn’t to say he never does similar thing but it’s more complicated than just hypocritical)

Ian and Mickey breaking up at the end of season 5 was good for them. Ian needed to figure out and accept his shit outside of a relationship. Mickey probably did too and it’s a shame we didn’t get to see more of that.

Caleb and Trevor deserved better from the writers and fans. They weren’t long term compatible with Ian but they were ok relationship partners and decent people.

I must restate Caleb especially deserved better. Idk what that shit at the end was for his story but fuck that

Trevors rxn to Monica was fair. We never see Ian fully explain his issues with her to him, and i honestly don’t believe he ever went into detail. Bc- Being with Trevor was an ideal to him, I think Ian admired him because he idealized him as a great person, when he was just a dude who had a job that did a lot of good. He fucked up with Ian there but that’s because he’s a flawed person too

Wish the story had allowed Trevor and Ian to remain friends.

Debbie is a good character. Not a great person but there’s reasons she’s the way she is. Because…

All the kids could have used mental health services and it’s a shame we didn’t get more of that. All of them probably have something or the other in terms of mental illness (outside of what was explored with some of them)

Like Lip for instance clearly has some intimacy issues stemming from a variety of problems and

The show definitely could have explored better how fucked up sexual and romantic relationships fucked everyone up. And I mean everyone

As well as their trauma in general in a srs way. (Don’t think this one is unpopular tho)

Chucky deserved better and how he was treated was awful. Hope he’s happy with Queenie

Debbie should not have had a baby but Fiona should have given her longer before she *had to* pay rent after having Fanny. As a whole that was handled poorly. She was still only 16. Not that I don’t understand why Fiona did it, she did have reasons.

The Gay Jesus storyline wasn’t that bad. No worse then Frank becoming the Pauper Tyrant of the South side. I’ve seen worse plots and didn’t even rank that low. Ian didn’t actually mean to start a movement, he just went of his meds and was too charismatic for his own good. Also I enjoyed watching it, homophobes being verbally torn apart was pretty cathartic for me *shrug*

I’m torn between feeling kinda like the writers sucked a bit at writing women and were a bit misogynistic. On the other hand they gave a lot of interesting stories to the women

I hate a lot of what Svetlana did but I liked her character. And what she did made sense for her

Vee deserved better. Also she shoulda just been bi

Carl becoming a cop makes sense. Like… he probably wouldn’t remain a cop but he would become one

Season 11 wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t the best season of a show but it was fine.

Coulda used another round or two of editing

Ian and Mickey having a rocky marriage to start makes sense. They’re about 25, emotionally stunted, and lack good relationship models.

Also trying out being poly makes sense for this reason. Tbh wanting to explore sexual relationships with others but only with each other makes sense, especially for Mickey. Ian is -and I don’t say this as an insult- promiscuous, and Mickey is probably curious, but happily married and too repressed to explore that on his own. So ya, that’s fine imo

Lip and Tami are probably doomed but that’s ok

Lip is kinda a jerk but I still like him

There isn’t really a right answer to selling the house or not IMO. Everyone had fair arguments but they sucked at communicating effectively or healthily.

Frank dying of COVID was fine by me. Honestly wish it had happened a bit slower is all.

That said personally I wish they’d gone deeper into exploring how everyone dealt with COVID as a whole. An episode where they were all in quarantine together would have been interesting.

Liam did deserve much better though.

And they didn’t need to bring back Fiona to talk about her

I think this one is more popular but I also want to say this show wasn’t as funny as it wanted to be or thought it was. The drama was excellent tho, and it still was sometimes funny just didn’t land all it’s “jokes”

I think I’m far enough down just to throw out (aka 2 headcanons and 1 extra point)-

- I think Carl and Mickey are autistic or something. Maybe Debbie too *shrug*

- One or two of the kids shoulda been bi. Clearly Fiona but also Lip or Carl.

- Jody was kinda a creep. Why did a 30 something yr old man marry a teenager?

[her-story6]

“5 times Cathy calls Lina ‘mum’ and 1 time Lina calls Cathy her daughter”

aka, my most recent procrastination project. I promise I’ll get to the other fics, y’all, I swear. Thank you for being so patient.

Note- I don’t usually hc Cathy as calling Lina ‘mum’ but it was fun to explore for one fic.

.

     I

No one could ever figure out how Cathy was always the last one to get sick when a bug went through the house. It was just how it was, every time.

Funnily enough, every time, she would do the same old routine. The others don’t think she noticed the pattern, but it was blatantly obvious to them, and it would be annoying if it wasn’t so endearing.

First, she would try and deny it, but once they made it to the theater, she couldn’t hide it for very long before she was frog marched back home and into bed. From there someone, usually Catalina, would stay by her side for a few days until she had either become less stubborn or more lucid. Either way, she would eventually give in and agree to rest. Finally, she would come back around and pretend like nothing ever happened. 

Honestly, this cycle happened in some form or another for all the Queens, so no one said anything. They all had their own reactions to illness that more or less stemmed from past trauma, and none of them desired to relive anything like that.

The most recent illness was no different.

To no one's surprise, Cathy had been driven home by Catalina between the afternoon and evening performances, and the elder were currently in the process of trying to get her goddaughter into bed without physical injury.

“Look, Cathy, love, just let me help you,” Lina tried again as Cathy just barely caught herself on the kitchen counter instead of tumbling to the floor.

“I got it, Ari,” the sixth Queen huffed, face scrunching in concentration. She was probably trying to sound determined and intimidating, but Catalina would have laughed if she wasn't so exasperated 

“Mija, you barely made it inside without cracking your skull on the ice. I'm begging you, just let me hold your arm when you go up the steps.”

Cathy, who had been taking a short break on a stool, glanced slowly between the aforementioned steps and her godmother, clearly thinking carefully (or as carefully as she could in her half-lucid state) before sighing.

“Fine. But just to get you off my back.” 

“Fair enough, querida.” Catalina smirked before sliding forward and linking arms with the smaller woman. Cathy struggled to stand for a moment, before allowing Lina to lead her to the steps.

The first Queen would have been very worried about her goddaughter’s sudden lack of basic motor skills, except it was already a miracle she had managed to survive one show without passing out. This specific illness had caused even Anna, the most composed of all of them, to slide magnificently down the theater staircase before telling Jane all sorts of embarrassing secrets..

They had all been so tired and so out of it that they had practically blacked out for three days, and with the hazy mind came awkward conversations and hours laying in bed.

By the time they reached the top of two flights of stairs, Catalina was supporting basically all of Cathy’s weight. She regarded this as a good thing, though, as it meant that the girl would put up little fight in going to bed.

“Lina, don't we have a show?” Cathy broke the silence that had formed when they reached her door, rolling her head to look at her godmother.

“Not right now, Cath. It's time for bed.” Catalina noted the shift in tone and adapted accordingly, lowering her tone and slowing her speech.

“It's bedtime?” 

“Exactly, querida,” Catalina chuckled. “Do you want to change clothes?” 

Cathy let out a long, almost dramatic groan as she glanced between the dresser and the bed, before shaking her head.

“No. I wanna sleep.”

“Alright, then. Come on.” 

The older woman led Cathy to the bed and helped her get situated under the covers. While she burrowed deeply so was barely distinguishable under the blankets, Catalina turned to close the curtains and set down the water bottle she had slipped under her arm on the way up here.

After said tasks were done, she sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush a lock of hair out of her goddaughter’s eyes. 

“Sweet dreams, mi hija. I'll be right downstairs if you need me.”

“Mhmmm” Cathy hummed in acknowledgment, pushing slightly into the touch as she shifted in bed. Catalina smiled softly at her for a moment, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you, mi hermosa hija,” she whispered softly as she rose from the bed and walked towards the door. Just as she was about to slip through it, though, a quiet mutter from Cathy stopped her dead in her tracks.

“Love you too, mum.”

     II

Catalina didn't mention that night to anyone.

She didn't mention how her heart skipped a beat, and then she couldn’t stop smiling all night.

She didn’t tell the other Queens of the slip-up, because she could imagine their amused and slightly concerned expressions now. 

She most certainly didn’t say anything to Cathy, because honestly- she didn’t want to know whether she meant it or not, or if she would be ashamed or proud, or if she truly felt that way.

As such, the first Queen tried her best to continue life as normal. Pushing the incident to the back of her mind, she was almost able to act completely normal around her goddaughter again. 

Until, of course, she said something that was arguably even more heart-stopping.

“Querida, I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s very reasonable,” Catalina tried to reason as the two faced off in the kitchen. The other four were lounging in the living room and trying very hard to not be seen listening in.

“Come on, Catty, just think about it, I mean-”

“No, Cathy. That’s just not realistic. I’m sorry, love.”

“But, madrina-” the sixth Queen whined, leaning dramatically over the counter. Catalina, who had been digging around in the fridge for ingredients (as Cathy had interrupted her while she was fixing dinner), turned around much faster than she meant to and stared at her goddaughter open-mouthed.

“What did you just say?”

“I- oh, I’m so sorry,” Cathy began to stutter as she sat back and looked down, “I didn’t mean, I mean, I did, but if you’re not alright with it, then I’ll never say it again, of course, I’m sorry, I-” 

“No!” Catalina exclaimed, then immediately composed herself. “No, it’s fine. It’s great actually.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, of course. It’s only fair, if I call you hija then why can’t you call me madrina?” Catalina smiled, reaching across the counter to squeeze Cathy’s arm gently. The younger woman gave her a hesitant smile, then nodded.

“Alright, good.”

“Good,” Catalina echoed. She watched her goddaughter for a few more moments, pretending not to feel Jane’s amused gaze on them, then took a step back. “The answer’s still no, though, mija.”

“Ughhhhhhh,” Cathy groaned dramatically, lowering her forehead onto the counter. “Fiinneeee”

Catalina could do nothing but chuckle.

          III

It had been a few weeks and Catalina was just about used to hearing the word ‘madrina’ from her goddaughter’s mouth and every time, she couldn’t help but beam. The proud look on Cathy’s face when she noticed was almost enough to give her a heart attack.

What really did give her a heart attack, though, was when she received a call from the hospital, telling her that Cathy had been in an accident.

This certainly wasn’t the first time one of them had ended up in an ambulance. 

Anne, of course, had taken multiple trips, but there was also the time Jane sprained her wrist and when Anna had taken a wrong step on her morning jog and ended up in an ankle cast for the next two months. 

As such, after the doctors assured her that Cathy was all fine and they just needed someone to pick her up because the car was not drivable, the panic wore off and she was more relieved than worried. 

When she arrived at the hospital, the nurses led her outside a sitting room where she could see Cathy sitting, holding her purse close to her chest and bouncing her leg restlessly. The nurse peaked her head into the room, gesturing for Lina to stay put, and said- 

“Catherine, your mother’s here to pick you up. You have all the forms settled, so you’re free to go.”

Before Catalina could say anything, the nurse disappeared around a corner as Cathy slipped through the door.  

“Heyyyy,” Cathy started, shifting her purse so it was over her shoulder and looking up at her godmother. “Sorry about that, they didn’t seem to like my idea of just getting a taxi home.”

Catalina was relieved to see that Cathy was more embarrassed than nervous, so she decided to ignore the elephant in the room as the two started walking to the exit.

“No problem, mija. I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah, me too,” she chuckled. “It wasn’t my fault, by the way. The other guy took full responsibility and his insurance will pay for everything.” 

“That’s good.” Catalina nodded, holding the door open as they went outside. Cathy shivered slightly against the nipping wind, but said nothing else on the walk to the car. 

Once they were back on the road, though, Catalina grew tired of the awkward silence.

“So,” she started, and out of her peripherals she could see Cathy shift, “mother, huh?” Catalina tried to keep her tone light and amused, and was grateful when her goddaughter let out a soft chuckle. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. It was all so rushed and I didn’t want to make it more complicated than it had to be by explaining our relationship. They wouldn’t even let me call you.” 

“No worries, I was just wondering. Our relationship is pretty hard to explain.”

“You can say that again,” Cathy agreed, and the two laughed as the conversation easily shifted to a more lighthearted topic.

           IV

“Oh, come on Catherine! Do you really have to be so uptight all the time?”

The room suddenly became silent at Cathy’s outburst, all heads, which had previously been focused on a heated argument between Anne and Catalina, turning to the sixth Queen. Cathy took this as permission to continue.

“I’m sorry, but you really need to lighten up some times! Anne just wants to go out with Kat and I for a night, what’s the big deal?”

Catalina was taken aback, unaware that her goddaughter was even involved in the issue, but didn’t back down.

“The big deal is that it’s not safe. I’m not letting you stay out all night in the middle of winter, especially with the roads like they are. We are already down one vehicle, we can’t lose the other one too.” The first Queen tried to keep her voice even, but the look of anger in Cathy’s eyes caused her to waver on the last few words. 

“Why do you even get a say? We’re all adults in this situation and it’s really none of your business,” Cathy countered. Anne had taken a step back and was now more of a spectator than a participant. Arguments between Cathy and Lina were rare, and when it happened, they all knew not to get involved.

“First of all because it’s my name on the car registration,” Lina started, quickly losing patience. “Secondly because I don’t want any of you getting hurt when I can stop it.” 

“You wouldn’t stop Anna or Jane from going!” Cathy exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “It’s just because you don’t trust us.”

“That is not true at all and you know it, Catherine Parr.” Catalina’s voice had lowered dangerously, and Anna and Kitty took an actual step back.

“Do I?! How would you know how I think?”

“You need to calm down. It’s been a long week and we all need a break,” Catalina once again tried to reason calmly, having caught herself before she could make the conversation spiral further. 

“Come on, mom! You can’t control us forever.” 

“I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, but I think you should-,” Catalina stopped dead when her brain registered what Cathy had said. “Wait, what?!”

“I-” Cathy’s voice suddenly returned to its normal pitch as she came to the same realization. The room was frozen for a solid minute, all eyes back on Cathy, as her eyes grew wide and her face contorted in confusion. “Whatever.” She finally scoffed, then immediately disappeared up the steps.

Catalina watched after her, mouth wide open and blinking comically. Only the sudden cackling laughter from Jane brought her out of a stupor.

“Oh my god!” Jane said through laughter. “That was beautiful.”

“Jane-” Anna warned, but there was a clear amused smirk on her face as well. 

 “You all heard that too, right?” Catalina turned to them, still reeling. 

“Oh, yeah!” Jane beamed widely, reaching forward to pat her friend’s arm. “Good luck with that, love.” 

 “Oh, thanks,” Catalina said sarcastically, rolling her eyes even as she tried to process the last few minutes. 

 “So.....” Anne interjected after a few moments of silence, the word clearly a question. 

“No, Anne,” Jane answered her question before it could be asked. “It was a stupid idea in the first place and I think Cathy’s out for the night anyway.” Catalina sent the third Queen a grateful look for taking the question.

“Ughhhh, fine,” Anne huffed dramatically. “It’s probably for the better anyway. Now Kit and I can finish our movie marathon.”

It was quite a statement on Catalina’s mental state when she said nothing to try and discourage the cousins from pulling (another) all-nighter, and the two took the momentary lapse to disappear up the steps. This hesitation was also noticed by Jane and Anna, who glanced at each other in concern. 

“You alright, Lina?” 

“I-” she started, then paused and leaned back against the fridge with a sigh, “This is going to be a really awkward conversation, isn’t it?”

Jane chuckled softly, nodding. “Yeah, probably. Kitty called me ‘mum’ once and she didn’t look me in the eye again for a week.” 

“That’s just the thing, though. This isn’t the first time.”

“It isn’t?” Anna joined in the conversation now, sliding onto a stool across from the other two women.

“I mean, we all know she calls me ‘madrina’, which is different, but still. But she was really sick one night and right before she fell asleep, she, uh... she said ‘love you too mum’” 

“Awwwww” Jane cooed, smiling cheekily. 

 “Not helpful, Jane,” Catalina bit back, without any real force behind it.

“Sorry, sorry, I know. But seriously, do you have a problem with it?”

“No! I mean, I don’t want to make it a normal thing, obviously, but it’s nice to know that she thinks of me like that.”

“Then what’s the issue?” Anna asked, leaning her chin her hand and tilting her head.

“I just don’t want her to feel weird about it. We’ve had.... conversations. About her mother and my Mary and not replacing them and the like, and I just.... I don’t know, it just feels weird.”

“That makes sense. I suggest you let it rest for now. Wait for her to come to you, maybe.”  

“You’re right, Jane, I know,” Catalina shook her head, sighing once more. “There’s nothing I can do for now. Thank you, ladies.”

“No problem, Ari.” Anna smiled, and Jane nodded in agreement. “Go get some sleep.”

“That’s exactly the plan. Maybe I’ll stop by Anne’s room on the way and apologize. Good night, Queens.” Catalina nodded politely at them, then slipped up the stairs. 

“Good night,” they echoed, sending each other one last amused look before carrying on with their nightly routine. 

          V

It had been two days, and Catalina was trying her best to be patient, but Cathy had yet to initiate any conversation with her, let alone one about the topic that was very clearly weighing heavily on both of their minds.

It was painfully clear that they were avoiding each other, and based on Jane’s annoyed sighs and Anna’s pointed glances, the others had noticed as well.

Eventually, though, to everyone’s surprise, it was Cathy who broke the silence.

“Lina, can you help me fix dinner?”

Alright, so it wasn’t what she was hoping to hear, but at least it was something. Catalina, of course, accepted immediately and the two soon found themselves alone in the kitchen, once again surrounded by an uncomfortable silence.

It wasn’t until the meal was in the oven that the first Queen decided enough was enough.

“Cathy, I think we need to-” Catalina started, setting down the bowl she had been washing.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Ari. Can’t we just pretend it never happened? Please?” 

The sincerity in her goddaughter's voice almost caused Catalina to give in, but she shook her head and stood her ground.

“You know we can’t, querida. Let’s just get it over with, huh?”

Cathy looked ready to object, but after a quick internal battle, she sighed and nodded, turning the faucet off and jumping up on the counter. Catalina watched her carefully, then followed suit, setting down her washcloth and leaning against the fridge.

“First of all,” Cathy started, shifting so her feet were tucked under her. Lina held back a comment about dirty shoes on the counter as her goddaughter composed her thoughts. “I just wanted to apologize for the argument in the first place. It was stupid and I didn’t mean anything that I said.”

Catalina nodded slowly, mulling over her words, before asking simply- “Anything?”  

Cathy hesitated, knowing exactly what she was referring to. “I-,” she paused, swallowing hard. “I honestly don’t know. I was worried at first that you would be uncomfortable, that I had crossed a boundary, and of course I don’t plan on... on calling you that on a regular basis or anything, but....... I dunno.”

Catalina nodded once more, then allowed herself to hesitate, set on thinking out her thoughts before saying them.

“I completely understand. As we’re being honest, I also have to say that I could not tell you all my feelings about it. I think- I think that if it became a habit, I might not be very comfortable with that, but I would never be upset about a slip-up. And every so often, if it comes out... less on accident, I don’t think I would protest too hard.”

“No, yeah, I get it.” Cathy nodded, visibly relaxing as the tension seeped away. “What had me so confused was the difference between ‘madrina’ and ‘mom’. Two completely different connotations, but I have no way of putting the specifics in words.”

“Yeah! Yeah, that was exactly what I was thinking.” Catalina nodded, a smile forming on her face. “It’s actually really nice, to know that you see me like that, because I completely reciprocate that feeling. It’s very clearly not a traditional relationship, but we don’t have to explain it to anyone else if we don’t want to.”

“The word ‘traditional’ doesn’t apply to anything in this house, it seems,” Cathy joked, and then smirked slightly. “You know, that wasn’t the first time I had made that mistake.”

“Oh, I know,” said Catalina simply. Cathy seemed surprised for only a moment before she just shook her head and chuckled softly. 

“So we’re good?”

“Of course, mija.” Catalina nodded, reaching to squeeze her goddaughter’s leg. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up earlier. I was just nervous you would say something I didn’t want to hear.”

“Oh, me too. But I’m glad we got it all sorted.”

The two stared at each other for a few more moments, just smiling and allowing themselves to appreciate the moment. 

‘The moment’, however, was cut off with a shrill beep from the stove, which caused Catalina to jump and bump her side on the fridge handle. 

“Ow!” 

“Oh, careful, madrina.” Cathy smiled cheekily, “Don’t want to break those fragile old bones of yours.”

“I’ll have you know, mija,” Catalina retorted, as they both set to work on taking out the pans and setting them out on the counter, “These bones are barely a year old. I think I’ll be fine.”

“If anything, that’s more concerning! These bones materialized out of thin air!”

“Oh, please querida, don’t give me an existential crisis right now, I can’t handle it.”

“Your old lady brain struggling to keep up?” Cathy asked, barely containing a laugh.

“Why, you-!”

And when the others came down to the duo ignoring the still beeping oven as they bickered, they didn’t say anything, too relieved to see that they were speaking again. 

          +I

The Queens didn’t go out to bars together very much anymore, after numerous bad experiences their first few months, but every so often, when a large celebration was in order, they made an exception for Anne and allowed the second Queen to bring them around to her favorite establishments.  

By this point in the night, there had already been multiple counts of harassment amongst the six of them, and no one was really reacting anymore. Even Lina, who was above only Cathy in the ‘most likely to get catcalled’ list, had been forced to get a little snippy when a man wouldn’t leave her alone.

Cathy, of course, was blissfully unaware of most of this.

The others had tried to explain to her multiple times why she wasn’t harassed nearly as much as the others. 

(‘It’s because you look like a twelve year old’ Anne had suggested, and then Anna had shaken her head and said ‘No, it’s just because you look like you would kill anyone who touched you. That’s a compliment, by the way’.)

That wasn’t to say she was completely unharmed, for she had of course had her fair share of bad experiences. They were just rarer.

This, apparently, was just one of those nights, though, because as Catalina made her way back from the bathroom at their most recent (and final, accordion to Jane) bar, she just barely caught her goddaughter’s curly hair peeking out from behind a large muscular man leaning over her on the other side of the room. 

Immediately, the first Queen changed her route and pushed through the throng, trying to gauge the situation before interrupting. As she grew closer, she began to catch snippets of their conversation.

“Come on, beautiful,” the man sneered, leaning cockily against the wall and effectively cutting off Cathy’s escape route.

“I already said no, I’m sorry,” Cathy responded, much calmer than Lina had worried. “Look, I just want to go back to my friends, please.”

Something in the man’s expression changed, and Catalina had no desire to see what happened next (it could have been fine, but she wasn’t going to take that chance) so she sped up and covered the last remaining ground in seconds, before sliding seamlessly between her goddaughter and the man.

“Kindly leave my daughter alone, sir,” Catalina tried to be as civil as possible, crossing her arms and drawing herself up to her full height.

“Your daughter?” the man questioned, scoffing slightly. He leaned around Lina to peer at Cathy. “You come to bars with your mom?”

“Actually I come to bars with my daughter, but that’s really none of your business. Please just leave her alone.”

He looked ready to argue, but with one raised eyebrow from Lina, he decided it wasn’t worth it and turned on his heel, walking away while muttering something under his breath.

“Thank you, but I really didn’t need your help. It was more amusing than anything.” Cathy rolled her eyes, stepping out and following her godmother through the crowd back to their table. 

“I know, I just thought it was better to be safe than sorry.” 

“Fair enough.” Cathy nodded, then hesitated. “‘Your daughter’, huh?” 

Catalina let out a barking laugh, then cocked her head in thought, pulling Cathy to a stop. Cathy tilted her head in curiosity, glancing back at her godmother. Finally, Catalina simply nodded and said, now completely serious-  

“You heard me.”

[arcadianmoonshadowjedi]

Personal Opinions on Rapunzel and Cassandra’s Friendship

Ok so this is one post that I’ve been wanting to make for a long time, especially since this is perhaps one of the relationships in the series with the most polarizing views ever (maybe even the number one relationship that is) ranging from people who ship them romantically to people who hate their friendship all together and think that they should’ve never been friends to begin with. So I thought it would be worth a share for me, mostly focusing on S1 and 2. This is not meant to be any hate for either of these girls because they are both among my faves in the series!

ALSO: I will NOT tolerate any hostility or rudeness on this post. If you don’t agree with my opinions, either lets have a friendly, respectful discussion or just scroll by and leave this as it is, thank you!

If you don’t know by now, I personally do not ship them, and never have I since I first started watching the series. I also never interpreted any of their interactions as romantic or saw the two of them as a “potential couple.” I would say this could mostly be due to the fact that I am a hardcore New Dream shipper who strictly believes Rapunzel and Eugene only have romantic feelings for each and I personally don’t think they would have any romantic feelings for anyone else. And I’m also the kind of person who values platonic love so much I also don’t like when they’re shipped (this applies to male-female platonic love as well).

However, I do think that their friendship really made for an interesting story. Now in my opinion, I personally don’t think their friendship was 100% toxic, or devoid of love or happiness, and nor do I think it was entirely a healthy one either, otherwise it wouldn’t have fallen apart by the end of S2.

To start off, I’ve always felt and stand by my opinion that the friendship was very flawed from both sides. The problem with Rapunzel, esp in S1 and less in S2, was that she was a socially stunted teen who was barely out of the tower and barely had time to learn about healthy friendships and boundaries, and this has caused her at several times to unintentionally step on Cass’s personal boundaries, be extremely pushy and at times annoying. Cass on the other hand, as we all know has a super “bitchy”, distrustful personality and has her own insecurities and struggles with self-esteem that negatively affect her own judgments and actions. I feel like a lot of Cass’s trust issues and tough, bitchy exterior stem from her trauma of being abused, neglected, and eventually abandoned by her own mother. I have this headcanon that even though she has no memory of this incident (PTSD can cause a person to forget a traumatizing memory but still continue to suffer as a result of it), she basically has this idea that if her own mother didn’t stay and love her, why would anyone else do so? Cassandra grew bitter to a point where she pushed people away and avoided attachment to avoid the same trauma from happening again. Of course that was until she befriended Rapunzel after Rapunzel persisted in making this friendship happen even after all the pushing away Cass was attempting to do. Based on the canon we got, I would definitely conclude that this was each of the girls’ very first close female friendship in their lives and both had a whole lot they needed to learn in order to grow and build healthier relationships in general. In my opinion, despite the flaws of this friendship, both girls did need it (Rapunzel needed a blunt gal pal who, along with Eugene, could help her discover more of the real world around her and learn more about social interactions, whereas Cassandra needed someone to help her to open up her heart more and know that she is worthy of being loved).

The reason why I don’t agree with a lot of the “Cassandra is malicious and evil to Rapunzel” or “Cassandra’s entire goal and purpose in the whole series (Even in S1 & 2) is belittle and demolish Rapunzel” claims is because I feel like they erase all of Cassandra’s positive traits and great sacrifices she has made for Rapunzel, whether it was their TBEA sneakout adventure which put her at risk of losing her job and home just to make Rapunzel happy or Cass getting her hand charred to get Rapunzel to snap out of the reverse incantation, just to name a few. To also say that Cass was never nice to Rapunzel or never cared for her erases the fact that there were several times she got out of her comfort zone to apologize and make peace with Rapunzel after a conflict (her hugging Raps in Challenge of the Brave after she completely Effed up and in Rapunzel Day One after she opened up about her feeling hurt) or whenever she comforted Rapunzel in her pain (QFAD and BTCW).

As for the claims that “Rapunzel is selfish” or “takes all of her friends for granted” claims, I’m equally opposed to that and they leave an awful taste in my mouth. Rapunzel, as we all know, was trapped in a tower for 18 whole years and has NEVER interacted with anyone besides Gothel and Pascal. Of course Eugene was the first human outside of the tower she interacted with, which throughout the events of the movie and all the trials and sacrifices that they went through, their relationship has so much stability to it. However, not every person Rapunzel interacts will share the understanding she has with Eugene. Rapunzel lacks so much social understanding and skills that there are times she doesn’t know when to have the right type of interactions (remember the bear hug?), let alone experience in royalty. However Rapunzel herself is a major people pleaser and will do whatever it takes to make those around her happy (even if gets really pushy and annoying at times) but she will eventually stop with her pushiness especially when she sees how harmful it can get. Just like Cass, there were several instances where Rapunzel will willingly fight for her, like in BTCW with Adira, even though Cass was technically in the wrong or in Freebird (An episode I’m not a fan of but enjoyed some aspects of it) when both of them fought to save each other or even Rapunzel sacrificing the last egg to turn Cass back.

As for the flaws of the friendship, I would definitely say that alot of it had to do with both lack of proper communication and understanding of boundaries. As we all know Cass doesn’t always have the “fluffiest, kindest” ways of communicating her feelings or her pain and can in turn lash out really badly and come off as condescending and rude. Rapunzel on the other hand, wasn’t really the best at reading social signals (Challenge of the Brave is the best example of super flawed communication and understanding on both sides) or understanding personal boundaries. I personally don’t believe that Rapunzel would “put up someone else’s shit to please them” but she would be more like, if they’re not pleased, Imma force them to be pleased (mostly in a cute, clumsy way, namely Under Raps when she felt the need to constantly “cheer up” Cass or “comfort” Cass in Big Brothers, even when Cass told her she didn’t need it, other examples include Rapunzel’s Enemy with Monty and Goodbye & Goodwill in Vardaros).

However I would say I saw so much improvement throughout S1 and mostly the first half of S2, where we do see them have so many friendly and goofy interactions (In Like Flynn with the pranks, the “game face” in Pascal’s Story, the Island eps, etc).

Then there comes the midseason and this is were I would say the friendship completely fell apart. And I think this is mainly where the argument that Cassandra is controlling over Rapunzel comes into play. Cassandra at the very beginning of the season, as we know the King assigned her with keeping Rapunzel safe, she basically gave up her dream of potentially becoming a guard to accompany Rapunzel. At the same time, Rapunzel is out in the real world outside of Corona and wants to discover more. We see these two have clashes of views and ideals that lead to certain debacles (Freebird is a prime example, tho I personally wish they did something else besides the whole bird plot lol) and then Rapunzel and the Great Tree, especially when Cass expresses that Rapunzel should take caution (which in itself feels "limiting" Rapunzel's desired freedom). I know that there is alot of anger over the argument that Cassandra was belittling Rapunzel by calling her naive (which I agree was a shitty move on her part). But I personally never thought it came from a place of wanting to "bring down Rapunzel and seek control over her" but more of a panic over the fact that they were in a dangerous location and the fact that the gang was nearly killed in it. Adira's points were also valid but Cassandra's insecurity and jealousy of her lead to her reacting hysterically and to make extreme accusations against her. Rapunzel was also stressed from being overwhelmed by the reverse incantation, which also led to her to shut down Cass in an unhealthy, humiliating way.

I feel like this along with the progression of S2 led to the betrayal and I feel like the whole Moonsandra arc should've been more focused on the problems with the friendship and Cass's insecurities rather than the whole Gothel drama. However, I always felt that it was a very complicated friendship that needed lots of mending and better communication on both sides, and I feel like that's where they got to in Plus Est En Vous. Both Rapunzel had grown to better understand social skills, communication, and boundaries a whole lot better than when we first saw her and Cassandra (tho S3 needed much better writing) she had grown to reclaim her self worth and accept that she was worthy of love.

As much as I was upset Cass left Corona, realistically that was what they both needed to give each other space to grow and learn in a healthy way.

[spill-the-milk-tea]

My Thoughts On “A Whisker Away”

Warnings: spoilers, mentions of suicide/self-harm

A Whisker Away could have done better in a lot of areas, but it’s by no means bad, and the plot and overall concept make up for most of its shortcomings. Clearly Netflix is working hard to emulate the Ghibli formula, and while their attempts have all been misses so far, they have been gradually getting closer—and this is a big step away from the disaster that was Ni No Kuni. Better script writers and more time spent on animation is my only suggestion—scripts have always been a struggle for Netflix, which goes hand in hand with my second suggestion, because they’re focused on churning out new content.

Still, I think this would be a great film to show to children and young adults struggling with suicidal thoughts. Having this omen of destruction in the form of a cat, representing Miyo’s constant self-doubt, was actually very poignant. The first time we see Miyo’s mask fall and we see her real, bitter feelings is when she sees the first cat in the movie, which perfectly reflects her self-hatred. The way the Mask Seller speaks is clearly meant to represent Miyo’s inner dialogue, as she is hesitant to protest to them at first, but when they suggest going full-cat, she adamantly tells the voice to shut up.

While a lot of the other messages were sort of thrown in our face, I appreciate that some of the best symbolic ones were kept subtle rather than exposition-dumped on us. For example, Hinode only turning into a cat via his hands keys us into the fact that the cat transformation is dependent on self-hatred. Hinode feels like he’ll never be good enough to become a potter, thus he loses his hands. I actually like that they chose to go this route, as ridiculous as it was, because it subtly suggested to the audience that “becoming a cat” (aka suicide) isn’t a choice anyone can make just based on difficult circumstances.

I feel like the creep-factor on the Mask Seller could have been played up more, but I guess presenting him as this eccentric character that almost seemed to have the main character’s best interest at heart works better for the metaphor. He seemed mostly unassuming and non-threatening, and weird as he was, he made a convincing case. His concept as a villain is actually very cool. This idea that he steals the lives of those who don’t want them anymore, combined with his drug-dealer archetype is very unique. He preys on people who already hate themselves, luring them into thinking their lives aren’t worth living anymore, giving them a taste of freedom through his cat mask (aka self-harm). Once they’re hooked, he convinces them to make the full leap, whether they truly want it or not. The sort of momentary, but ultimately unsatisfying relief of self-harm to a suicidal person is captured very eloquently in the cat transformation metaphor. It’s actually quite dark how Miyo is so adamant about not transforming at first, but in a matter of days, after one particularly traumatic incident, she’s fully committed.

The connection between the feline and depression metaphor got a little messy near the end, but still nonetheless made an emotional impact. The cat believed that by taking someone else’s face, they could show their owner the love they deserved. Kinako showed a clear disdain for Miyo for not showing Kaoru the love she deserved, and sort of acted as this physical representation of Miyo feeling like she didn’t truly belong in the family. Of course, the owner loves them as a cat, not as someone else. The whole cat stealing human lives thing doesn’t play much into a bigger picture past just representing how as much as it may seem like it, becoming someone else or trying to take someone else’s spot won’t make us truly happy. And I think Kinako realizing it’s better to live out her own short life making Kaoru happy was a short but very sweet subplot.

The scene that really touched me most, surprisingly, was just seeing how Yori so persistently apologized to Miyo as she ran away from her. It so perfectly encapsulated the guilt that friends and family of suicidal ones feel when they see this person they care about clearly suffering. Yori clearly had Miyo’s best interests at heart and genuinely stayed by Miyo’s side through all of her troubles, and is a great example of how to be a supportive friend to a depressed person. She never coddled or pitied Miyo, but she was clearly worried when Miyo started acting “off”, and even then tried to stick by Miyo’s side and be supportive.

Muge is definitely eccentric and painfully cringy, but that in itself makes her a realistic teenage girl character (and a neurotypical adult male doesn’t get to paint her valid character flaws as failings on her or the writers’ part damn it.) Her feelings and thoughts start off as seeming very weird and childish, but gradually you come to understand her reasoning the more the movie goes on. Having been abandoned at such a young age, she pushes people away deep down in her heart, thinking that no one can ever truly love her. She was deeply damaged and never felt like she could really trust anyone again, viewing everyone as either selfish or irrelevant (represented by scarecrows.) This at first seems to just symbolize how other people seemingly don’t matter when she sees the guy she likes, but when she transforms her own parents into scarecrows, we see it represents her pushing people away from her. She tries to act like she doesn’t need other people to love her, when deep down, she really wants proof that someone can truly love her despite her eccentricities, as seen in her obsession to make Hinode confess to her.

One of the points in this metaphor I felt was lacking was that they didn’t really address how Miyo’s psychological reliance on Hinode as this perfect guy that would solve all her problems because of his apparent loyalty was sort of toxic? They definitely established it as over idealized and somewhat exaggerated with that whole Cinderella-transformation scene, where you can clearly see that she believes Hinode loving her will solve all of her problems. In the end I suppose it’s countered with her finally being accepted by Hinode and her accepting him in return, and her realizing that’s all she really wanted.

I did appreciate the background noise of Hinode telling the Mask Seller that it wasn’t Miyo’s fault her life was difficult, because it really puts things into perspective. The Mask Seller took advantage of Miyo’s trauma, just as it isn’t the fault of a suicidal person when their negative thoughts overtake them. That’s why we first see the mask seller when Miyo is at one of her lowest points—when she’s with her mother, attempting but failing to overcome her feelings of abandonment as she first begins to shut her out; and having just moved in with her stepmother, clearly overwhelmed with emotional burdens. I also thought it was interesting that they explained her not transforming back as deep down not wanting to be a human again. She still didn’t believe herself as being capable of being loved, and it took her realizing that she needs to love the people in her life first before she can truly start to heal. And it’s true, there’s a difference between not wanting to die and actually overcoming your depression.

In any case, Miyo’s thought process was almost painfully accurate. The way she lashed out at her parents for wanting her to stop smiling if she didn’t feel like it was something I definitely went through. It’s hard to explain, and definitely irrational, but in the most cold and logical sense, being told to give up your coping mechanism by the people who you feel are causing you to use said coping mechanism feels really offensive in the moment. She was using up so much emotional energy acting like she was okay for her parents, so she felt like it wasn’t their right to ask if she was okay. 

It was a really brief, but sad moment when we saw the difference between how she perceived her favorite meal at her house as opposed to when Hinode gave it to her. It wasn’t meant to show that her feelings of depression were circumstantial so much as it highlighted her abnormal mood swings, as well as how the root of her depression, so to speak, stemmed from her home life. And while I don’t agree entirely with how their relationship played out, I cannot agree more that seeing a person you care about suffering from self-hatred snaps you out of your own dark thoughts so quick. Miyo was quick to see Hinode’s good traits and to rationalize that he didn’t need to hate himself, but she couldn’t do it with herself. It took the thought of Hinode also possibly losing his life for her to snap out of her suicidal state of mind. Most suicidal people rationalize that the people around them would be fine if they died, or even preferred it, so Hinode showing through both actions and words that he didn’t want her to “turn into a cat forever” helped her start to value her own life. 

It was a stark contrast between me as the viewer, feeling like Miyo’s transformation was technically Hinode’s fault, and Miyo, who felt like she needed to transform for Hinode’s sake because she loved him so much. Wanting to die because of the boy she loved may seem like a stretch in the terms of the metaphor, but that’s the point. The things the Mask Seller says are inherently illogical, but he says them when the person is at their weakest emotionally, which makes it easier to convince them. In the end, both Miyo and Hinode were able to free themselves of their masks (aka their irrational self-hatred) when Miyo realized that Hinode genuinely wanted to get to know her, and Hinode stopped feeling like he needed to hold back so Miyo wouldn’t see he was a “nobody”. Essentially, being honest and vulnerable with one another.

Overall, I think having this “Mask Stealer” as this antagonist representing suicidal thoughts gives new meaning to the idea of one “taking away their own life” and is actually really eye opening to those who may be facing similar situations as Miyo. The message is cheesy, but the creative way in which they tackled adolescent depression and suicide is worth watching.

[rochey1010]

PART 2: 👋

Lucas: Ok, so Lucas's arc this season is connected to Eliott who has focus, instead of Eliott being connected to Lucas like always. His arc is a relationship one and he's also there as background in the insulated intimidating crew contrasted with the isolated lonely outsider in Lola.

So in S5 Lucas moves in with Eliott and we see them in love and domestic. Lucas has independence and has matured. The show really builds his connection with the group too. He is around a lot and basically boy solidarity to support Arthur's story. 🤘Lots of boy group instas fill Lucas's account. Friendship is just a huge theme this season. Lucas also was part of the girl group and had a special connection with manon in S3, Imane in S4 and was more loyal to the boy group in S5 (more on that later) in S6 he is seen having a special connnection with Daphne.

Lucas makes mistakes in this season 5 which i feel is genuinely consistent with who Lucas is. We saw Lucas in S3. And it was his story and a huge part of this story was his epic love with Eliott so he was loving, soft, vulnerable, hurt, angry over his identity. But generally it was exposed Lucas. In S5 we are in Arthur's narrative. Arthur hasn't been there for Lucas crying, spilling his heart, cuddling and loving Eliott. All the things that would make you see just how soft a person can be. In the boy group is how Arthur sees Lucas. That is stupid, silly, chaotic and affectionate. But they're boys so they're moody and annoying and prank each other and can act like assholes. All things we see. Also Arthur's Jerome is Bas and not Lucas.

Lucas is being set up for S6, so we see the slow creeping abandonment issues come back. We see him saying ignorant and prejudiced things. Again all consistent with the character and his behaviour. Things happen with how Lucas treats people and situations that crop up again in S6, and Lucas shows his moral line too. So first the prejudiced things. This time he acts inconsiderate and ableist to Arthur on Valentines. and Arthur tears him a new one. Lucas looks guilty but also strained (something is going on which comes up big time in S6- home issues) he lashed out and was a hedgehog (prickly and reactive)

He apologises some time later after he calms and thinks about it. We repeat this behaviour in S6 and Lucas dismissing Lola's problems, and Eliott calling him out for his judgement. He's prickly and reactive and then clearly calms down later. All consistent with wanting to protect yourself and your environment. Hedgehogs show their quills to the unknown. Lucas all over. 🦔

Lucas in his new home opens it up to the group. They sleep there, don't leave, have meetings, scream and play video games and Lucas joins in. It's a chaotic loud mess basically. This crops up in S6 when Eliott has a new friend Lola who needs a place to stay after a horrible ordeal and Lucas acts hypocritical and says to Eliott "This is not a hotel" and yeah she slept in their bed because Eliott is decent and respectful and gave her the bed, just like maya did too, because she needed it more. And yes i can see that Lucas felt blindslided but as i said before, the moral line with lucas. It is a pattern with him. If you are close and known it's a free for all. If you are unknown and an intruder have some quills. And i genuinely feel if Eliott copied Lucas and brought home loud friends who wouldn't leave. Lucas would not have that at all = Insider v outsider.

Lucas hides stuff from Arthur because he and the gang don't know how to approach Arthur and be honest with him. They love him but the HOH is a new world for them too, so they mess up a lot. They lie and attend a concert that Arthur sees them at. He calls them out in detention. But generally the mistakes are well meaning. They don't want to hurt his feelings. But they set Lucas up as someone who hides things to try to protect those he cares about. Sound familiar?

The big one the fanbase rioted about: Lucas's advice to Arthur about Alexia. Like i still feel this is consistent with Lucas and again the moral line. The 2 groups have merged but they clearly show the boy group is more tightly knit. So now it becomes about group v group. Arthur is a great friend of Lucas's and Alexia is a friend. Like Lucas isn't close with Alexia. So it becomes about Loyalty. He's already failed Arthur so when he gives the advice to keep the kiss from Alexia i feel it stems from him not wanting Arthur's world to implode and knowing the drama of Alexia finding out could bring to it. Like Arthur even says it to the girls. Don't punish the boys, they were just trying to protect Arthur. So i don't feel that Lucas was OOC because he's generally a dumbass in a group of guys chatting in that dynamic, and doesn't want his friend hurt. His moral line is Arthur is more important. I'm not in agreement with fans saying you learn from your mistakes and that's it. It's not though, your own issues can affect your mistakes, your environment can affect your mistakes, your feelings can even affect your mistakes. Like different circumstances can change how you view something e.g. eliott and his problems v lola and hers.

Finally the biggest development with Lucas, and that is the ongoing abandonment issues. So basically how Lucas's abandonment issues work is again very consistent. They stem in the show from S2 but overall it's a life thing. So Lucas's mum is mentally ill and has raised Lucas in that environment. That's trauma, and especially from a young age. The father and the mother obviously have an unhappy marriage. And enventually it breaks down and the mother is in a clinic and the father leaves the family. Lucas is abandoned and feels it too. He runs off to live elsewhere and in S3 he's with Mika and Lisa.

His father is dismissive and his mother very unwell. I don't know but i think the mother is schizophrenic. I'm unsure on that though. But Lucas has issues. But what he starts to do and how they manifest is that he projects them on to his environment, and if he feels a danger of someone leaving he twists it to him being unlovable and people getting sick of him. Now some of the things he does, he creates some of these issues for himself e.g. Mika and Eliott, and some are out of his hands e.g. Yann. But overall he's generally wrong and get's the wrong idea because of the reflection of how he sees himself.

So Yann leaving becomes about Lucas not being worth it instead of Yann leaving because he's hurt that several times over the season to that point, Yann cornered lucas and begged him to confide in him, and Lucas wouldn't. So lucas gets the wrong idea and Yann handles it badly.

So Eliott ending the relationship and going back to his girlfriend is about him being a party/fuck boi and using Lucas, instead of Eliott leaving because lucas broke his heart and inadvertently revealed his skam to him.

So Lucas through the abandonment issues ends up twisting perception and judging people. Like i said before. No favourites here. Lucas had a lot of trauma so i understand what he carries. Roll on S4 and they're back and Eliott isn't ready to tell his story because it was so painful that he never told Idriss he was bipolar and cut the friendship in shame and ran away. "He was alone for a long time i think" and Lucas pushing out of insecurity and fear and they end up fighting. And yes i believe like Imane said it's Eliott's story to tell and he'll tell it on his terms. So i don't agree with what Lucas did there. But abandonment issues are irrational, so i get it. (Roll on S6 with it being Lola's story to tell)

Roll on S5 and there's a talk about cheating and perception. They're in a group and chatting at the van about cheating. And you notice each boy gives their version of their story. So Yann cheated but justifies it as he fell in love with Emma. Eliott is more realistic and calls it like it is. He cheated on Lucille and he's not proud of it but he found Lucas. (And roll on S6 and the mental illness talk with Lola focusing on the need for lucas to the point he hinges his mental health on it.) So pretty consistent with "but i got to be with Lucas" Bas is niave i feel, and gives a very black and white view of the topic. Just end it and move on.

But i've always had this view myself. I have experience with cheating. My dad cheated on my mum and yet i still feel this view. That sometimes it's not that simple. It's not that black and white, and in Eliott's case burying your mental illness in the relationship to the point you're afraid to leave. And in my dad's case. Being in a failing marriage with a mentally ill wife that you still love, children and a mortgage. I'll always maintain that cheating is wrong but i have sympathy and understanding in certain cases.

So anyway, Eliott in answer to Bas's POV does the Eliott thing. He comes at the topic in a empathetic and non judgemental way. He says generally sometimes human want more and are not satisfied so seek it. Now Lucas does the same thing again, twists the perception and projects his insecurities onto Eliott. Eliott who is petting Lucas's hair isn't even thinking of the relationship. It has nothing to do with Lucas at all. It's basically philosophical thinking in that hipster way. That humans are greedy and they want everything e.g house, car, money, job etc. And he's right. Humans have done horrible things to each other in the pursuit of what they want.

But it eats at Lucas because his abandonment issues are more than just a relationship. They are deeply rooted and a huge issue. In reality he should be seeking help. It has to get to the point where you can't blame others and you need to accept that they're bigger than you. And he confides in Arthur instead of Eliott out of fear (roll on S6 Eliott doing the same thing with Lola) this is the establishment of the love bubble and they're both doing it as we can see. So lucas tells arthur that eliott cheated on Lucille and he could do it to him.

My issue with that was, Lucas cheated too but he justifies with him being gay. But the simple fact is he played Chloe and he pursued Eliott behind her back. And when Eliott hurt or disappointed him he played her even harder. So i do find this hypocritical i must say. Then he acts panphobic, but the thing is lucas isn't panphobic. His abandonment issues project and he feels fear but it's really about Eliott leaving him. So he says Eliott goes down the street and he has more choice e.g. Both boys and girls. Add aliens and robots etc. Eliott is pansexual. So he's showing he's scared that eliott will get sick of him and eventually leave (roll on S6 and Eliott having a friendship with a girl, and Lucas scared to be real, and what is about to happen with the spoiler movie)

He very clearly says he hasn't confided these fears in Eliott for fear it may rock the relationship. Oh hi love bubble again. Arthur emphasises Eliott's love for Lucas and how greater it is than his love for Lucille. (Roll on S6 and Eliott emphasising the importance of Lucas and his need for him)

The last we see of Lucas is him crying looking at the friendship mural and Eliott in love and gratitude.

So guys i said this would be 2 parts but i think it'll be 4 because again length here. And i wanted to do Eliott in this post but it's too long now. Next part will be Eliott.