#and then the way people use the change in fan content is usually as a plot device for drama or a deus ex machina

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hopefully this doesn't come off as snarky, but I find it genuinely hilarious that every "big-name" Leona fan that I've seen seems to like him against their will lol. I've always had Leona as my favorite, so it's fun to see the journey other people go through to liking/appreciating him!

Look 💦 I can’t speak for other L*ona likers (regardless of size, honestly; I'm a firm believer that one's level of internet fame isn't a factor in the devotion for a character) but for me—to quote Scar—“my words are a matter of pride.” And by confessing to (ick 🤢) LIKING LION… it’s throwing all that pride out of a window. It seriously does feel like these feelings exist against my will.

I have a summary of my story to explain my relationship with the lion lore 💀 I call it a summary, but it’s still kind of long— It's below the cut for those who are interested!

To begin with, the promotional materials didn’t sell me on him. Everything about how he initially presents—from his arrogance to his “tough/bad boy” design (seriously, that biker-cowboy combo of his dorm uniform is SO ugly and shows way too much skin for my liking…)—was so unappealing to me. He seemed exactly like the kind of character and tropes I tend to dislike. The only “good” thing I saw in him was his face (which, ironically, is what Vil says about him) and maybe his UM chant particularly the line where he demands you kneel before him. Then comes along book 2, which is easily the weakest of the main story and does a HUGE disservice to him, making L*ona seem a lot stupider than he actually is. At that point, I had basically written his entire character off. I claimed to all my Twst friends that there was nothing that would ever make me like him.

Around 2022, I decided to get involved in a round of EBG (Epic Bias Game) which is basically like a test of your will?? You’re supposed to compete with your friends to see who can go for the longest without talking about or acknowledging their oshi (which includes not being able to react to fan works of them). As part of EBG, each participant was randomly assigned a “new oshi” to replace the usual one AND GUESS WHAT, I GOT HANDED L*ONA BY THE WHEEL OF FATE 💀

One of my friends (who knew I hardcore hated him at the time) assured me that this would get me to change my mind. They even went out of their way to write a little story explaining how my OC was forced to spend more time with L*ona, which led me into writing interactions between them to build more of the lore. I managed to outlast the friend in EBG, but didn’t win the entire game. I came out of it not really feeling super different about L*ona, but I think forcing myself to write about him extensively helped me gain a little more perspective on his character. I still didn’t like him, but I at least appreciated his presence in the cast a little more.

AND THEN TWST HAD TO COME AND BASH ME OVER THE HEAD WITH L*ONA CONTENT… All the little vignettes and voice lines where other characters would talk about what a good leader he is (*glares at Epel, Jack, Ruggie, Savanaclaw mobs, etc.*), when he sarcastically claims to be a “delicate prince” or a “lost child”, those moments where he sasses others, times when he’s able to use his charisma and/or intelligence to pull ahead, rare instances when he whips out his royal manners, him respecting women… But I think the turning point for me had to have been book 6 OTL GOOD LORD, BOOK 6 FUCKED ME UP 😭 Him using his UM in a creative way to turn falling glass shards into harmless sand? And strategically turning himself in?? Willingly ceding control of the dorm to Ruggie??? Telling everyone about Styx’s lore???? AND THE BEEF HE HAD WITH JAMIL BUT STILL GIVING HIM WISDOM AND ADVICE… Sometimes I still tear up thinking about how L*ona says “You’re not like me,” to Jamil 😔 implying that part of the reason why L*ona guides others is because he has hope in their futures but not his own… (I’m still salty that EN messed up this line by changing it to “I’m not like you,” which makes him come off as way more arrogant 💦) Anyway, I blame book 6 for being the tipping point in my downward spiral 🌀 IT GOT WORSE IN BOOK 7 WHEN HE STARTED SHOWING HE'S MOTIVATED TO ACTUALLY GRADUATE AND TAKES ON AN INTERNSHIP THAT COULD BENEFIT HIS COUNTRY... Special shoutout to the Club Wear card for being especially hot-- I did my best to hold out against the steady drip of content that called attention to his… positive traits… (Not that I’m saying he doesn’t have any; I mean this in that whenever his strengths as a character are brought up, they really get to me as someone who loves intelligent, mature/responsible types and “big brother” figures OTL) BUT IT'S SO HARD WHEN TWST KEEPS PULLING STUFF LIKE THAT???

Then in 2024 came the stupid Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas event 💀 which finally introduced us to L*ona in full formal attire (MY WEAKNESS) and gave him the opportunity to be in the role of the "hero" and leader... and those Nightmare Suit vignettes 😭 Leona thinking about what it actually means to be "king"... Ugh, it was another strong showing of his character. I'm pretty sure it was this event that started the snowball of my friends (lovingly) bullying me about him and calling me a tsundere about it. Weirdly enough, a BUNCH of things started happening irl to push L*ona at me too. For example, my pet (who usually actively avoids or attacks Twst stuff) was actually eager to pose for a picture with a L*ona standee. In a group fan merch order, I had asked for the bonus Grim sticker but the artist (who had no idea about my complicated thoughts on L*ona) said they were out of the Grim sticker but they had L*ona stickers they could include instead. Most recently, I had just finished this last-minute artwork of Miss Raven eating pocky by herself to celebrate Pocky Day (11/11). Typically the fan art you'd see on this day would involve two characters playing the "Pocky Game" (in which the players try to eat a stick of pocky from either end; usually it's framed as romantic since meeting in the middle results in a kiss). However, I had chosen to do a solo Miss Raven art because I thought this suited her "I want to be taken seriously!" personality better. Well, guess what? I GOT A PACKAGE DELIVERY NOTIFICATION FOR THE TWST MERCH ORDER... WITH L*ONA IN IT 💀 Almost like he heard there was food meant for sharing and he came to claim it for himself... Like I literally did NOT choose for these things to happen to me, THEY HAPPENED ON THEIR OWN. I DON'T BELIEVE IN PREORDAINED EVENTS BUT THE UNIVERSE SURE IS WORKING IN STRANGE WAYS.

So now that the tables have turned, it’s really embarrassing. Everything is coming back to bite me in the butt… It truly feels like L*ona plotted this all along and was on the prowl, patiently waiting for me to get worn down before he pounces and delivers the final blow to my ego OTL Like, it's gotten to the point where many of my long-time friends in the Twst community are now joking that "It's over" for J word... ONE OF THEM EVEN TOLD ME IT FEELS LIKE I'M GETTING DIVORCED AND L*ONA IS THEIR NEW STEPDAD, HOW AM I SUPPSOED TO FEEL ABOUT HTHAT ??????????? ? ? ????? ? ??? ? ?? ?? ? ???? ?

But by the far the worst, the WORST part about everything here is that if L*ona were fully sentient, he would be so smug about recent developments 😡 It makes me SO mad thinking about how he'd look down on me with that hot smug rage-inducing smirk of his and make fun of me for eating my words so badly.

“What was that you said about hating my guts, herbivore? … Hah, it's written all over your face--you're terrible at hiding your true feelings. You can just give in, you know. Tell me how much you worship me. How much you want me. You'll give in eventually one way or another--so why not make this easier for the both of us and save us the time of playing the wait game? I don't bite, promise." (<- a liar)

(Disclaimer: NOT MY MERCH; this is a L*ona Liker friend’s picture that they’re letting me use as a reaction image 😅)

THIS IS FR MY OVERBLOT ORIGIN STORY…

[askagamedev]

Hi! I’m a Brazilian fan of your work, and I want to thank you for all the content you share. I often see heated discussions about the role of consulting companies in game development, and I’d love to hear your perspective. In practice, how much influence do these consultancies have on making changes to a game? Do you think they have the power to shape development in a meaningful way? Thanks for your time!

Consultants have as much power as the studio or publisher gives them. When Nintendo hires a consultant to act as the team's executive producer/director (e.g. Masahiro Sakurai via Sora Ltd.), then that consultant will have as much power as a director of the project, granting him broad authority to do what he wants. When the Tony Hawk Shred team hired a physics professor to consult on the physics of skateboarding, they tasked him with coming up with a control scheme that felt like actual skateboarding. He didn't have any more power or responsibility than that. In my experience, companies hire consultants to ask them questions about their specific area of expertise and then they can choose whether they want to listen.

I suspect your question is primarily about a particular consulting company about Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. These folks aren't any different from the WWII consultants that were hired by the Call of Duty team to make sure the games felt real. Consultants are usually there to provide advice and answer our questions. It is up to the company's leadership above them to decide whether to make the choice. A company like Sweet Baby Inc. is generally brought on to answer questions about the representation of people within the game they're consulting on, since that is their field of expertise. Whether the devs doing the narrative design, quest design, cinematic design, character design, item design, etc. take their suggestions is dependent on the decisions of the team leadership.

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[garlic-sauc3]

the pain of technically its canon now, but it's a sucky retcon and should not be treated as such

[anastasiabowe]

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 — what it's like having a husband who's a celebrity!

Note: Quick food for your pretty little thoughts 😍💕 (NSFW UNDER CUT!)

Content Warnings: rough kissing, p in v, photography of intimate times, oral (m receiving), switch (Choso),nipple play, desc of male parts. MDNI.

𝙎𝙁𝙒

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who not only was famous in general, he was quite popular with the ladies. Everywhere he went there would always be some underage girls trailing behind us, never realizing that they could never stand a chance with him. He already found his soulmate, and no matter how many beautiful girls he comes across will change that.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who has to silence his phone at night to not disrupt your early slumber, or has to take multiple social media breaks because of all the overwhelming messages he gets every day. He usually has to make new accounts that are private for only him and his family/friends to follow so he can posts photos of you both for distant relatives to see.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who has to sadly keep you a secret. Many times paparazzi have seen you two together, but never once could they recognize you, but the headlines were glaring with fake gossip about his personal life. "CHOSO KAMO'S SECRET LOVER?!" "DID CHOSO KAMO LIE IN HIS RECENT INTERVIEW?!" "WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS WOMAN ALONGSIDE CHOSO KAMO?!" he could laugh at how ridiculous the media is, always focused on what other people are doing and never worrying about real issues like homelessness or the rising numbers of people who can't afford basic groceries.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who although is always at some sort of interview/event always makes sure you are well taken care of. He always calls you, always texts first, and makes sure to make it up to you in any way he can. He knows you don't want to be in the limelight, but he can admit that he feels almost too selfish to be your husband. He wants to showcase you from the ends to the earth. Kiss you publicly, flip off any girl whose dreams were crushed, he wanted to show the wedding ring with your name engraved in it.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who always uses you to help him keep succeeding, that being having you help him memorize lines, because all he wants to do is hear your voice instead of the actress he has to fall in love with for the film, or have you help him get ready for a talkshow, and even sometimes a simple kiss on the lips and a quick pep talk, "Don't be so nervous, I don't want to see any wrinkles until your 45! So take a deep breath, and treat it like I'm right by your side, cause I am, just from afar!" making him laugh and loosen up a bit before any nerve-wracking thing he must do.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who pleaded and begged for you to come with him to an award show. Promising you any dress, any heels, any wish. He wanted this to be the moment he shines his golden wedding ring which went beautifully with your diamond one. He wanted to wrap his hand tightly on your hip, showing the cameras what's his. He wanted to go up on that stage and thank you, and only you for helping him work his way up to this. He wanted to introduce you to all his celebrity friends who they too didn't know you existed. To be honest, it wasn't a want anymore, it wasn't a choice for you anymore. You were going with him, and if you don't, he will simply die.

𝙉𝙎𝙁𝙒

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who doesn't waste a second pulling you flush against him after dodging and weaving to avoid paparazzi or fans. He holds you so close, kissing your lips to the point of pain. You moan into his mouth, feeling his growing boner harden against your thigh. "Mmm, fuck, finally get to show my fucking wife how much I love her." He growled bringing his hands up with your shirt to pull it over your head. He then unclasped your bra, and his mouth watered seeing your tits. He couldn't wait to have you in every position he could think of, he might even put you into the same one a few times, just so he can see you so desperate for him.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who is a switch when it comes to sex. He will very much pound, circle, and suck you into the very shell of yourself, but he also wouldn't mind you using him as well. He could have you at his mercy one night, on your hands and knees begging like a starved puppy, or, he could be pleading for you to touch him after an hour of being tied up and you playing with yourself in front of him.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who surprisingly has a nipple kink. He goes absolutely psycho when you play with his nipples. He could cum simply alone from nipple play, and that plays into your fantasies perfectly. "Aha! N-no more, I need to b-be ins-IDE you!" Choso wreathed underneath you as you sat on his stomach playing with his nipples, licking, sucking, and biting the pink nubs. His hands and feet were tied to the corners of the bed, and you only let go on one of his nipples that you've been licking and sucking, and softly kiss his wet lips. "just one more baby, and you can get whatever you want, just one more." His breath shook as he nodded, feeling your warm lips and tongue resume what they were doing before.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who always, always, ALWAYS records/photographs you when you're being intimate. He had no plans of using them in a certain way, let alone post them, but he likes the feeling of having you with him everywhere, and that being when you both were the closest, when you both were the most connected (pun intended). The photos usually consists you somehow seductively posed before the intimate moment begun, then you looking like a hot mess. "fuckkk, look up at the camera baby, don't care which lense, look at all three for all I care." Choso encouraged as he bobbed your head up and down his dick. He groaned when you made eye contact with the camera, Choso getting butterflies seeing you look so... Sexy. Choso smirked as he recorded you, the gagging and slick sounds filled the phone, and all he could do was smirk at how obedient and hot you were. "Just like that, when I'm done recording this, I want a few more angles of you in different positions, does that sound okay?"

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who could literally fuck you for days. Not an exaggeration. He would fuck you all night, and let you sleep for a few hours, and then fuck you again for many more hours, then let you sleep. You once did nothing but fuck for 3 days straight, and that's because your husband was in Paris for a month. Choso could not get enough of your pussy, and you could not get enough of his dick. His dick was everything you could have ever wanted (next paragraph goes in more detail). He knew how to use it, and so did you. You knew how to roll your hips and how hard you should bounce on his dick for it to reach your g-spot. You were good at finding it, but he was the best. "Harder, Cho! Please baby!" You moaned into his ear as he pounded into you. Choso quickly stopped his thrusts, and readjusted himself. He spread your legs even more, and spread his legs a little more too. He got better ground, and it was fucking game over for you. He rammed fast into you, and the immediate buttery feeling filled you. You let out scream in Euphoria, and he chuckled "Found it." Before he leaned down to kiss you. His hands gripped the sides of your head tightly as you both moaned loudly into each other's space. He smiled seeing your fucked out face, and couldn't help but think how you look a billion times hotter all fucked and spaced out for him.

𝘾𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗 𝙃𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 who has a big dick. You knew, he knew, the media knew. How does the media know? Creepy people were taking photos of him at the beach, straight at his crotch, that sparked a whole new thing that resulted in many stories and fanfics being written about him that always talked about it, but here's his trusty wife to tell us the details. His dick is big in every way. 8.5. Fucking. Inches. Long. Not a joke, not a myth, it's a fact. And before any of you "that's not even a lot!" People start bitching, go look up an 8 inch dick and see if you can take that comfortably.. anyways, I digress. Everytime you both fuck, it hurts in the beginning. Choso obviously peeps you more than most, but it still can't change the fact it goes so deep. The stretch is a bit over moderate, but the depth is insane. You could actually feel it in your tummy, and Choso always pushes his hand deep into your tummy to feel it go in and out. You always wondered how you got so lucky to have a man like him, handsome on every part of him, inside and out, but truthfully, Choso always questions how he even pulled you, so who's really lucky?

[reshinless]

──── nun' more than ten percent off!!

ᯓ★ ── . summ. money runs the world, and you just ran out. coincidentally, so did your very hot childhood best friend/bf (might change depending on which chara) :3!! (you both becum prnstarz!!)

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ director's note. i don't think i can continue to do kinktober dear disciples sigh, i might do this with hsr characters as well :D!! STOP SPAM LIKING PLZ :PRAY:

ᯓᡣ𐭩.ᐟ ⊹ pairings. xiao, alhaitham, kinich, x fem!reader

ᯓ★ ── . warnings. nsfw, fem terms used, vaginal sex(?), ww

when xiao starts to run low on money and feels too damn guilty enough to ask zhongli for money again (he's in debt by $890 already lol) . . when you bring up the idea since you need it for rent . . doesn't sound so bad.

even for your side of things; you definitely didn't mind getting dicked down by him. and if he was going to be real with himself, you were fine as fuck. hearing that 'he was the only one you could do this with'? he could've just pulled out his phone and fuck you right then and there.

but he isn't as bold as you think. simply blushing at the thought and nodding along. man his pants were starting to get a little tight, don't ya think?

you suggested probably observing a few videos just for reference but his mind was all he needed (he just said "let's just wing it.")

people who had seen and watched your content together commented on how easy it was for him to let you cream on his cock. fuck he felt tired, it felt like hours of videos for now, but seeing how your eyes rolled back as your cunt slid all the way down onto the very base of his shaft- he gained all his energy back.

"fffuck- ngh x- xiao!" oh please keep saying his name like that, his face hid in the crook of your neck, in the umpteenth video you both agreed on recording only showed off your pretty body, and his arms holding your hips down. the camera caught a glimpse of the tattoos that ran around and down his shoulders, and arms.

people commented on how those tattoos probably went all over his body, how you'd probably be stuck looking at his eyes (you both wore masks/have your faces blurred or cut out), or how the arms on your hips that pistoned them onto his cock when you get tired would either have a deadly grip or the gentlest.

whatever would pay you your college debt, or get him food on the table. it was working.

alhaitham who wouldn't usually hook up twice- especially when he was low on money himself. he'd never sell himself. oh, but he'd do anything to get a taste of your pretty pussy again.

"uhuh? ffuck, you really want this dick don't you? such a spoiled little princess . . " he watched you bounce on his cock, plop plop plop!!

his arms locked onto the soft plush of your thighs. "ahh- sshit, haah 'm gonna.." you whine, the blissful sounds of your voice only made him harder, big strong arms held you around your waist, helping you straddle him. "don't be tired now, sweetheart." a smirk grows along his cheeks. his voice almost a purr.

'just roommates' they said, but when dire situations come down to desperate solutions.. money runs the world, and you both simply just have to abide by it.

comments on your posts with him have noticed the repetitive collabs. In fact, he was the only man who had ever appeared in your videos. You had always refused any other creators who wanted to collaborate because—well, your roommate was pretty willing.

you both hooked up once at a party. then found out you were roommates. he wouldn't say he was mad each time you brought another guy over though. he was livid.

snarky remarks, and a hefty tongue—he never held back from insulting the guy, or your taste. a scoff releases from his lips. "when will you find a real man?"

and who knows what he meant by a real man, cuz you know what you were on right now was a real cock.

your fans love it when haitham pins you against the wall, hands holding you in place, acting as a cushion between him you and the wall.

the way he pistoned his hips, and veiny hands held your ass close to his so he could thrust inside you faster.

you raised enough money to rid of your debt, and enough to keep alhaitham quiet about it (even w/o the money he would, just took money whenever he had projects due), but he didn't wanna stop the content just yet.

kinich who immediately agreed. your most popular videos were always whenever his face buried itself into your thighs. a perfect view of how you grinded your clit against his nose, and his tongue working as deep as it could inside your entrance.

or when he blindfolds, and fucks you from behind. each time he finished cumming inside your hole again, kinich who gave a ninetieth floor view of your pussy, left almost throbbing, and aching for him to thrust into you again!

he loved to tease when it came to eating you out. "uhuh? that's gooooood, taking me s'well baby.. such a good girl.."

people had commented on how sexy his voice sounded, probably what got you wet in the first place.

[geekgirles]

Just Look My Way

Can we please talk about the way the lyrics have changed from the original to showcase Stolas' growth and character development?

I was already surprised that what originally looked like it was just going to be a fan video ended up becoming canon content, but when I heard the different lines my mind exploded, you guys.

Note the difference, the major difference, in treatment!

In the original version, which released back in season 1 but before Ozzie's, Stolas' line was actually:

"Come now, my little impish plaything, we've both made our choice."

Keep in mind the original most likely included this line as a reference to what both Striker and Stolas said in regards to Blitzo's relationship with Stolas. Even our dear owl boy referred to him as just a plaything while saving him from D.O.R.K.S! Which most likely only helped cement Blitzo's internalised belief that Stolas would never see him as anything other than a cheap thrill.

Here, however, Stolas is cementing him as his dearest! A loved one! Someone he values and cares for! That is a huge difference from being just a sexual partner!

And the second line. OMG, THE SECOND LINE.

Unlike the original, where Stolas speaks of a choice that, realistically, was never there (as it usually is the case with relationships where there's a power imbalance and, moreover, were born out of transactional needs), this time he is reaffirming Blitzo's agency and independence. The implied choice is clear: Stolas will present the asmodean crystal to him so he no longer relies on his Grimoire and sleeps with him out of necessity. All that's left for Blitzo now will be to choose if he wants to remain by Stolas' side even then. And the choice is his.

As a quick aside, I also love the constant symbolism between Blitzo and the Moon.

Technically, compared to Stolas and the Earth, both are just satellites, nowhere near as important as a Goetia demon and member of Hell Royalty or a planet brimming with life and where beauty and wonder happen at every corner. And yet, without them neither can thrive. Stolas is as fascinated and dependent of Blitzo as the Earth is with the Moon. Without the Moon, there's no tides; it brings inspiration and romance to countless souls, brightening the night sky, just like Blitzo brightens Stolas' life.

Blitzo is Stolas' moon, and I just think that's beautiful.

Every word in this line in particular just oozes character development, too.

The original was:

"What's left for me in this broken house if I cannot have you?"

This is no longer about Stolas using Blitzo to escape his boring routine and his horrible marriage to Stella, it's about Stolas being deeply and hopelessly in love with Blitzo and not knowing what to do to convey that in a way that will reach him.

Once again, Blitzo has stopped being a mere plaything or boy toy and become so much more. He has become an essential part of Stolas' life he doesn't know what he'll do without but knows he'll have to let go of if that's what Blitzo wants!

Now, I must admit I am not exactly a fan of this change in these particular verses. On the one hand, I understand it's meant to reflect Stolas is trying to understand Blitzo and see things from is point of view, but I also feel it robs the moment of the raw feeling the original conveyed:

"Is this how she'd feel? Abandoned, all alone, left to fend for herself, for a semblance of happiness that doesn't have to end?"

"She" clearly referring to Via.

I just think it would have been more powerful to keep it and allow that juxtaposition between the most important people in his life to help Stolas understand Blitzo better. After all, he loves them both dearly and unconditionally, but his actions have also hurt them both very deeply.

I just think it'd be fitting if one allowed him to understand the other better.

Nevertheless, if there is something this song has taught me, is this: we are so not ready for the next episode.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Hi Skyen, hope you're well! I'm seeking some advice and since you used to work doing mainly art commissions I figured asking you was worth a shot.

I'm a furry artist and I'm looking into doing commission work as a side gig while I finish animation college, and hopefully acquire enough experience/clients/notoriety to turn it into a full time job once I graduate.

Do you have any advice for someone literally just starting out with fresh accounts and zero following? Especially when it comes to reaching people and getting your first clients, and anything that one should take into account when working with NSFW specifically. Also advice for pricing your work is always useful 😅

No need to answer obvs but I'd appreciate your viewpoint if you want to share!

Got 2 asks on this exact subject so I'll write up what advice I can. One big caveat: I haven't worked as a commission artist for like half a decade at this point, and this job has a tendency to change fast, do not take anything I say as gospel. This is advice from a limited perspective, be critical of what I say and trust your peers and the people you are in community with before you trust me.

building audience

Step one is getting people to notice the artwork you create. Literally nothing else can happen until you have eyeballs on your work, and the most consistent and reliable way to make that happen is fanart. Ideally you'd want to produce fanart in a fandom you are personally engaged with and passionate about and familiar with, and which also has a sizeable community whose attention can help you build recognition and a base of followers.

This isn't always possible, and there's many a working artist who creates work for fandoms not out of deep personal connection, but because the fandom is large and relevant and a good way to capture the goodwill of algorithms and content feeds.

This approach has some downsides. For one, genuine fans can usually tell when someone's engagement with Their Thing is shallow, and for another it can be deeply creatively exhausting to chase the algorithm. I don't recommend this approach, but it is a valid means of building a business.

Another important consideration, especially when you are early in your career, is that volume tends to trump quality. Every artist will eventually learn that their shitty joke-doodle they sh*t out in ten minutes on a whim will get a billion reposts, and their complex personal work that took eight weeks to finish gets 2 likes from their closest mutuals and a comment from a bot saying "wow!"

In the age of the algorithm, what machines and for you pages value is a consistent, high-volume of output that generates user engagement. You will generally get further, faster, by producing a lot of work than you will producing great work. Again, this can be rough on your mental state, and a fast way to burn the fuck out, so please be careful and mind your health before all else.

The best way to build something that will last is to build your audience in communities and around fandoms and themes and ideas you genuinely care about and enjoy exploring and interacting with. Being your authentic self and creating work from your authentic interest is generally both healthier and long-term better for your career than trend-chasing. Treat trend-chasing and volume > quality output as tools in your toolbox, as creative and business decisions you can make to achieve a specific purpose, never ever EVER let them become the center of your praxis or your philosophy. Never ever EVER allow the Numbers™ to be your source of validation and accomplishment.

building business

Ok, so you've got eyes on your work. You've got some followers. How the hell do you get them to commission you?

Well, again, by demonstrating a capacity to create kinds of art for which there is demand. In the furry community, there's brisk trade in things like ref sheets and character design, for example. For most fandoms, ship art is a product which tends to be in demand. Being able to do really good expression sheets is a marketable skill. Being able to create compelling and clear emotes for streamers and creators is a marketable skill.

Showing the capacity to work in a wide range of styles is valuable. Showing the capacity to work in a wide range of genres is valuable. If you can do both comedy and romance your appeal expands. If you can do shonen-like action and angst as well, it expands again.

Equally, being incredibly good at a specific niche is valuable as well. Focusing hard on an under-served niche of work can give you a lot of opportunities to be the Go To person for that specific kind of thing.

Perhaps the hardest part of all of this is marketing yourself. Not only showing that you have the skills, but actively informing your audience that you are available, eager and willing to practise your skill for a fee. You have to sell yourself. It sucks, but you have to do it. You have to advertise what you can do, and you have to suffer the rejection and annoyance that comes along with doing that.

You have to ask people to commission you. You have to raise your hand and demand attention. It's not fun, but it's business.

Walking the line between self-promotion and being a person is hard. I can't help you that much with it, it's a very personal balance to find. Stay in touch with your soul, but kill the part that cringes at yourself.

Ultimately, you best marketing asset is your portfolio. Every time you do work, show it off. Repost it, retweet it, spread it around. If someone is happy with what you've made for them, do your best to make sure that other people see that happiness. Ask your clients (politely) to tag you when they share your work.

Oh, and for the love of god, sign everything you create, slap watermarks on anything that's likely to get reposted, and make it impossible for someone not to find your business email on your profile.

building network

If you're a commission artist, you are in community with other commission artists. You share interests, you share experiences, you share needs.

Practise solidarity. Absolutely seek out professional peers to help your business, but equally seek out opportunities to help them with theirs. If someone comes to you for art and you don't have commission slots open, point them at a colleague who you know can do the work too. Gas up your peers and spread their work.

Be a symbiote, not a parasite. Respect the craft of your peers, and don't chase celebrities and big names in the hope of coasting on their coattails. It will fail.

smut

If you're a working artist, at some point you have to reckon with smut and r34.

These genres are excellent sources of income, and fertile ground to build a business and network of customers. BUT. Do not ever make the mistake of thinking that they are "the easy way" or a shortcut. Do not ever make the mistake of thinking you can simply offer to draw tiddies and rake in the cash.

It's work and graft same as literally any other form of labor, it's challenging on both a technical and creative level, and the audience can sense if you're looking down on them. If you approach this from a position of shame, of "eugh, I'm debasing myself by doing this for rent money," it will not work, and you will lose standing and respect in the eyes of every peer whose support you need to succeed.

Just as in all other forms of creativity, if you treat the audience as morons who will slurp up whatever slop you serve them, then you will attract clientele that agrees with you, and you will deserve the misery they will inflict upon you.

If you are going to work in smut, establish your boundaries and enforce them. Know that good clients will feel safer and more comfortable with an artist who clearly states their red lines and earnest interests than they will with someone who tries to attract more clients by pretending to be open to work that they are actually uncomfortable with.

Never, ever, EVER let a client push you to create work you are not comfortable creating. It scars your soul in both the short and long term.

Also, when working with this kind of content, know the rules of payment processors and know how to hide the nature of your business from them. PayPal should never, EVER know the details of the content you sell with their service. Frankly, neither should your bank, most likely.

Look to your peers for advice and best practises about this. And be meticulous about your bookkeeping.

money

I want to tell you to charge at least minimum wage for your time. I want to tell you to charge substantially more than that, because your labor is specialized and highly skilled.

But the economic reality of commission work is that there is a crushing downwards pressure on the labor price of art, which has only been made more devastating by the rise of generative AI, and especially when you are a young artist just starting out, you're going to find yourself in a position where charging even minimum wage for your time will turn away a huge proportion of your potential customers.

Again, your portfolio will be the greatest argument for the value of your work, but you have to build that portfolio first, and very often that means doing a f*kton of work for not remotely enough pay until the pressure of demand finally works in your favor.

I don't condone or justify this state of affairs. It is horrid and I hate it, but I don't know how to fix it either.

Making a living from content creation of any kind requires you to get lucky, on top of working obscene hours and foregoing rest and vacations. It's not a safe or sensible plan for a career or paying your bills.

My sensible advice is to get a "normal" job you can survive doing, and do your creative work on the side, and resign yourself to the possibility that the creative work may never actually pay your bills.

And that is soul-crushing, but I cannot stomach pretending that hard work and gumption will guarantee anyone a decent living if they just try hard enough.

There are people who are better at every aspect of my work than I am, and they struggle harder and work for longer, and they will never see half the success I have, because I happened to get lucky, and they happened not to. It's wretched.

I'm not telling you not to chase your dreams. I'm telling you to do it with your eyes open, and with compassion for yourself first before all else.

All of this to say: I can't tell you what to charge for your work. It depends on everything from your competition to your niche to your genre to your community to your economic situation. You have to figure it out on your own.

All I can tell you is never forget that your work is worth more than the market will let you charge, and to raise your prices as soon and as much as you can. Try to reach at least minimum wage for your time as fast as possible.

in conclusion

Again, I haven't been a commission artist full time for a long time, please do not take any of this as gospel. Listen to your peers before you listen to me.

But trust me about the solidarity. It will save you when all else fails.

[ham1lton]

mind of mine.

pairings - lewis hamilton x singer!reader

faceclaim - beyoncé

warnings - 18+ content.

summary - lewis has just dropped his first full length album after winning his final championship. the internet goes wild trying to find his muse.

author’s note: thank u so much for the support so far and a reminder that requests for my 500 followers celebration are still open! 💕

— part one of my 500 followers celebration ♡ —

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liked by lewiswifey, landonorris and 493,789 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: lewis hamilton’s first album under the pseudonym xnda, has finally been released. the explicit nature of the album has people wondering who the muse of the project could possibly be. what are we thinking ham1ltons?

view all comments

user1: shakira. i mean c’mon. they were linked together recently. it makes sense!

user2: maybe he got back with nicole?

-> user4: yeah and maybe aliens are real 🙄

user87: it’s about me. stay mad y’all 😍😝

user7: it’s about nico.

-> user6: IJBOL 😭

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liked by yourusername, user272 and 1,837,738 others.

lewishamilton: thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes! really appreciated! i had a great day celebrating with family and friends. here’s to the big 4-0!

view all comments

user2: not even talking about your album that just hit number one on the billboard charts ur so sick!!

user6: he’s so fine i’m frothing at the mouth.

user8: favourite song off the album??

-> lewishamilton: what album? 🤔😉

user7: WHO IS UR MUSE MR HAMILTON??! 🤨

-> lewishamilton: it’s sir 😉

-> user7: WHO IS UR MUSE SIR HAMILTON??! 🤨

-> user8: he’s silent when it comes to the REAL questions….

user13: him and those damn winky emojis….

yourusername: thanks for letting me celebrate with you! it was an amazing night 🫶🏽

*liked by lewishamilton*

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liked by ynswifey, yourbffsuser and 1,982,627 others.

yourusername: drunk all summer! 💕

view all comments

ynswifey: the best vegan ice cream advert ever.

*liked by yourusername.*

user2: her eating vegan ice cream…. in a car that looks suspiciously like lewis’s…. using a lyric from one of his songs in her caption….. is this thee muse?

-> hater1: nah. she’s just clout chasing as usual.

-> ynfan1: not u saying THEE y/n l/n, who has the most grammy wins of all time, forever changed the way music was released and was cosigned by the greats such as prince, stevie wonder and tina turner… is clout chasing 😭

-> user6: like i’m just a casual fan and i know that statement was outrageous 😭

lewishamilton: told you edoardo’s was great.

-> yourusername: shouldn’t have doubted you 🫶🏽.

-> user7: the way this would be thee power couple…

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liked by yourusername, lewiswifey and 2,373,929 others.

lewishamilton: my forever muse <3

view all comments

yourusername: love you forever 🫶🏽

-> lewishamilton: love you more 💕

landonorris: MY SWEET VIRGIN EYES!

-> user6: virgin yes. sweet?? idk abt that…

user8: user maxies on twitter must be overjoyed.

-> maxies: YALL SILENCED ME… BUT I PREVAILED ‼️

user5: vegan icons !!

user9: not him stealing my wife….

-> user12: not her stealing my husband…

-> user10: i’m having a ball in this bitch. we throuplin! 😍

lewishamiltonupdates: omg did we just become stepsiblings? y/nupdates

-> y/nupdates: i guess so! hi sis 😍🫶🏽

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taglist: @23victoria @luckyladycreator2 @mxdi0 @dangeroustacoalienbiscuit @casperlikej @nichmeddar @evie-119 @ironmaiden1313 @d3kstar @ravisinghs-wife @demvnsriot @ajvaix @raevyng @iloveyou3000morgan @namgification @formulaal (don’t see yourself or wanna be removed? send me an ask!)

[astrologydayz]

ASTROLOGY FUCKING NOTES4

If you're into past lives with other people = go 2 both of your "Desc. Lunar Node persona charts", &save them to make a synastry chart! It tells/shows u about your past life together - IF u had one, ofc - what occurred between u/what u guys went through/what u were 2each other, if u "owe"/or is "owed" something, then what & why, how u felt about each other, etc. it gives u WAAAY more details about your past life together, than a normal synastry chart does. 

GO SEE If there's a name asteroid with your child's name = go look at that name persona chart, &I promise you that you will be amazed. Nothing is ever accidental baby.

Look at your Eros persona chart2 see what your sexual desires/fantasies exactly are - in details/how forward - or not, you are when it comes to your desires, sex/sexual things in general. It also shows u how you express your "sexual side"/what kind of people you're sexually attracted2/turn ons in details. 

Your Fama persona chart - 408 tells u about what other people gossip/talk about, when it comes2 u - also rumours/what u gossip about 2 others/if you're famous - then4what

I'M TALKING ABOUT ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS👇🏽 A SYNASTRY CHART tells u how u how u guys "respond" 2 one another! Like what u think about each other, how u feel about each other, how u communicate, what u desire/love about each other, family influences/outside influences, what "differences" u have, what "issues"/challenges u have with each other etc.🏃💜 A COMPOSITE CHART literally shows us how u guys relationship dynamic is, how u communicate as a couple/show love, your sexual dynamic, "challenges as a couple", how "content" you guys are in your relationship basically&your "reputation together"/outside influences etc. It also shows what your relationship's "endgame" is ⛓❤️🔥.

A DAVISON CHART gives us a different perspective on your relationship& shows opportunities along the way4u guys as a couple, that a composite chart won't show🫵🫶. This chart chart also gives us an exact time&date + retrograde planets that isn't shown in your composite chart = provides us with "new insight" on the relationship! TAKE NOTE OF THAT DATE BTW💋.

People with Saturn conjunct/trine Amor asteroid - 1221 usually only fuck with long ass relationships - not so much one nightstands. They want that stable&secure love - they don't fuck around just 2 fuck around. They're also in love with themselves, most of the time - in a good way!!! They're confident, &secure in who they are/in what they seek. They also know what they bring 2the table in a connection, so if somebody doesn't find it enough/or doesn't appreciate it?? They're out.

Someone with Amor asteroid - 1221 conjunct their 2nd house = quality, quality, quality. Quality is really the number 1 thing they always seek/want in life. They would rather not buy/have/eat anything than buy/have/eat something that's not good enough quality.

Venus conjunct/trine/quintile Mars people are typically the ones everyone almost always finds attractive - they fit the usual "pretty boy/pretty girl standards".

Venus conjunct/square/quincunx Pluto can get stalked/harassed pretty often by their love interests/old love interests, or by people they don't even really "notice". Sun conjunct 11th house can show up as having many male friends, or many male followers/fans in rl/online.

Venus conjunct/square/quincunx Uranus are the ones seeing somebody online, &be infatuated/"in love" after seeing one pic/video. They fall in love pretty fast in rl2, but typically ends up getting the ick real quick - when the other one goes all in, at last. They can change their minds pretty often when it comes to love/love interests, as they really don't wanna end up "missing something". Can be seen as "flighty"/non committal.

Mera asteroid - 3553 "Purity being taken, or purity given away" - can show cheating in a synastry chart - "Mera" person is the one breaking the bond by being unfaithful - "purity given away", probably "shouldn't have done it". "Mera" can also show up as "corruption" - the other person taking the "Mera" person's "purity" away.

Galatea asteroid - 74 in synastry can show love triangles. It's really no joke. The "Galatea" person is the one bringing the 3rd party, &the drama in.

Moon conjunct/opposite Sado asteroid - 118230 in synastry shows up as Sado person getting a kick out of humiliating/embarrassing Moon - In private, &in public, doesn't matter. In short words, Sado is SADISTIC AF towards Moon - making fun of their emotions - making fun of them crying/making them cry/hurt on purpose, them "playing games" with Moon person's emotions, Sado degrades, &taunts Moon. Moon feels very belittled, small, & very non existing here. The opposition will cause Moon 2 talk back sometimes/not take it as often as the conjunction would. The opposition can also show that it happens in periods, like it's on & off with Sado being a dick towards moon - where the conjunction will cause Sado2always be like that.

Isolda asteroid - 211 can also show up as cheating - Isolda typically shows up in a synastry chart between the cheater, & the 3rd party. "Love at 1st sight", "loyalty forgotten", "new love", "off the charts infatuation".

THANKS4READING LOVE

I APPRECIATE U💋

[yuutaok]

Can We Lose Our Minds, and Call It Love?

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Rockstar! Yuuta Okkotsu x Reader

“I’ve seen you before,” he said quietly, his voice rough from the performance. He didn’t look at you as he spoke, his fingers tapping absently against his leg, a nervous habit that felt out of place coming from someone who had just commanded a stage so effortlessly.

You blinked, did you hear that right? You shook your head, surprised by his words, “You remember me?”

⋆୨♡୧⋆ Word Count: 6.2k

⋆୨♡୧⋆ Content Warnings: MDNI 18+, mutual obsession, dry humping, p in v, unprotected sex, cervix fucking, brief nipple-play, Yuuta is a strange little man agenda

⋆୨♡୧⋆ Author’s Note: This is only lightly beta’d, I was possessed by a demon what can I say. Title is from PTV’s song ‘The Balcony Scene’. It’s been soooo long since I have written, I hope that you enjoy this!

The thrum of bass reverberated through your chest as the lights dimmed, bathing the concert hall in a mix of deep purples and reds. The air itself felt alive, heavy with anticipation, excitement, sweat, and liquor. The crowd was buzzing, swaying bodies pressing closer to the stage. But your attention wasn’t on them. It was on him.

Yuuta Okkotsu.

The lead singer of the rising band that had taken the scene by storm. He wasn’t just another rockstar; he was different. His voice carried a rawness, a haunting quality that made your heart soar. He was confessing secrets, whispering melodies that cut through your ribs into your heart.

You were a longtime fan, but it had been years since you’d been able to make it to a live show. There was a time when you’d attended every local concert, following Yuuta and his band from one venue to the next, drawn by something in Yuuta you couldn’t put into words. You always swore, in a bit of a delusional manner, that he started to recognize you up on that stage, giving you small smiles that felt just for you.

Alas, life had changed. You went away for school and navigating the demands of professional life had become your focus, pulling you further from the late-night scene.

Online streams and fancams filled some of the gaps, but they could only do so much. You missed the energy of live shows, the feeling of being there, surrounded by the sound, with Yuuta’s voice breaking through everything else. His music had always spoken to you in a way nothing else could.  It was like he understood the hollow ache you carried inside, the kind of loneliness you could never quite explain.

Tonight was the first time in years that you’d been able to see him in person again, and the weight of that old longing resurfaced with an intensity you hadn’t expected.

It was after the last show you were able to attend—the venue still buzzing with the fading energy of the performance—that you met him. The crowd had thinned, people slowly trickling out into the night, but a handful of fans lingered near the exit, hoping for one last glimpse of the band. You stood at the edge of the group, feeling your pulse race as Yuuta appeared, shyly signing a few autographs, his head down, his shoulders hunched as if he wasn’t used to the attention.

When it was your turn, you hesitated, holding out your CD with trembling hands. Yuuta’s fingers brushed yours as he took it, and for a brief moment, your eyes met. It wasn’t the usual excitement of meeting a celebrity, it was something quieter, something that felt like recognition.

You hadn’t planned to say much. Just hand him your CD, and maybe offer a quick compliment about the show. But when his eyes met yours the words you’d rehearsed in your head dissolved. Instead, you found yourself blurting out something entirely different.

“I know what you mean.”

Yuuta blinked, his pen hovering over the paper, his brow furrowing slightly. “What?”

You hesitated, wondering if you should have kept quiet. But there was something about the way he looked at you, really looked at you,that made it feel like the world had faded away. The noise of the venue, the chatter of the fans,all of it disappeared in that moment. It was just the two of you.

“I can hear it in your voice— the way you carry yourself. There is something that aches. Like you’re reaching for something just out of sight.”

For a second, his expression shifted,just barely. His eyes widened, only slightly, and his grip on the pen tightened. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but the words never came.

You pressed on, your voice quieter now, unsure but unable to stop. “It’s in the way you sing. It must be so lonely. It’s like you’re looking for something. Or someone. There’s an emptiness that is so hard to quench—  like you’re starving.”

Yuuta didn’t respond right away. He just stared at you, his dark blue eyes locked onto yours as if trying to figure you out as if you had just exposed something he did not expect. The silence between you stretched on, thick with unspoken tension, and for a moment, you wondered if you had crossed a line, if you had said too much.

But then, slowly, he nodded. His hand trembled slightly as he signed the CD, his gaze never leaving yours. The simple acknowledgment, so small yet so heavy, left a strange knot in your chest.

His fingers brushed against yours, cold and hesitant, like he wasn’t used to touch.

“Thank you,” he murmured, his voice low, rough. Something unspoken in those two words that lingered between you long after you left the venue. It was honestly the best night of your life.

As the first strum of the guitar echoed through the venue, Yuuta emerged from the shadows, his figure bathed in a dim spotlight. His dark hair fell across his forehead, and those intense, brooding eyes swept over the crowd. The microphone in his hand trembled slightly, not from nerves, but from the restrained energy coiling within him. The crowd roared louder, but you stood frozen, heart pounding in sync with the beat.

The music began, soft at first, but growing with intensity. Yuuta’s voice resonated through the sound, both soothing and chaotic, a paradox that wrapped around you. His presence was magnetic, and no matter how much you tried to blend into the crowd, it felt like his gaze landed on you— only you.

You shivered, the hairs on the back of your neck standing as you looked back at him. There was something in his eyes, a darkness you couldn’t look away from, like a storm brewing just beneath the surface. It was terrifying and thrilling at the same time. He moved with a quiet, simmering intensity, his voice dropping lower during certain lyrics, his words carrying a weight that tugged at the pit of your stomach.

The air between you crackled, sending a chill down your spine. You blinked, and the moment was gone—his focus shifting to the rest of the stage, but the feeling lingered, like electricity and sparks in the air.

By the time the set ended, you were breathless. The performance had stirred something deep inside you, your eyes twinkling, head spinning, absolutely starstruck. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from him as he bowed slightly, the crowd screaming for more. Yuuta didn’t soak up the adoration like most rock stars would. He simply smiled politely at the crowd and turned, slipping into the shadows backstage, his silhouette disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. You swore he looked back, right at where you stood.

It felt like he’d seen right through you.

A couple more bands continued to play, with the crowd still crazy for more. You were mostly here for Yuuta, though. You opted to take a seat back at the bar, downing your drink as you took solace in the coolness of the cup and the warmth and fuzziness the alcohol gave you.

The lingering pull in your chest hadn’t faded. You played with the cherry stem your drink came with, mind racing with the image of Yuuta— his pale skin gleaming under the dim lights, the way his black hair had fallen messily over his sweaty forehead, the deep blue of his eyes, heavy-lidded with exhaustion. There was something so haunting, almost fragile about him.

You barely noticed someone approaching until they were standing right in front of you—a man dressed in dark clothing, with a cold expression that sent a prickle of unease down your spine.

“Yuuta wants to see you,” he said simply, offering a small black card with a backstage pass clipped to it. Your breath caught in your throat.

“Me?” you asked, uncertain if you’d heard him right.

The man didn’t repeat himself, just nodded and gestured toward the side door. You hesitated, your heart hammering in your chest. Why would he want to see you? Maybe it was a mistake and this was some weird coincidence.

But you couldn’t deny the thrill that shot through you at the thought of seeing him again. Without fully understanding, you accepted the pass and followed the man through a dimly lit hallway that led backstage. The excitement of the concert had faded, and now the atmosphere felt colder, heavier.

The man stopped at a door and knocked softly before opening it, gesturing for you to enter.

You stepped inside, nerves buzzing beneath your skin. The room was small, warmly lit by a single lamp in the corner. Posters and musical equipment were scattered around, but it was Yuuta, sitting on a worn leather couch, who drew your attention.

He looked different from the confident figure on stage. His black hair was still messy, but now it hung in damp strands, framing his pale face. The dark bags under his eyes made him seem even more exhausted up close like he hadn’t slept in days. But it was his eyes—those deep, shadowed dark eyes—that made you pause. There was something sweet in them, but also something unsettling, something that made you feel like he was keeping secrets far too heavy to be shared.

“You came,” he said softly, his voice still raspy from singing. He offered a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”

Your throat tightened, and you nodded, feeling strangely vulnerable under his gaze. “I—yeah, I guess I… I just didn’t expect this.”

He gestured for you to come sit next to him, patting the worn-out leather. You swallowed, obliging his request as you took quick, nervous steps towards him. His presence felt almost overwhelming in the small space, his skin glowing faintly in the dim light. “I saw you,” he murmured, his voice quiet but intense. “In the crowd.”

The air between you crackled with something heavy, and though his words were soft, there was a weight behind them that made your heart race. It felt almost predatory.

“I… Yeah… I guess you did. ” your breath hitched. You nervously looked up at him, cheeks hot. Wow, was he always this handsome?

He smiled again, “I don’t usually do this, bringing fans backstage… But you… there’s something about you.”

Yuuta kept his distance, his hands clenched together in his lap. His black hair fell over his pale face, casting dark shadows over his blue eyes, which flickered toward you but quickly darted away. Something was unsettling about his stillness as if he was trying to figure out how close he should get—or how far he should stay.

“I’ve seen you before,” he said quietly, his voice rough from the performance. He didn’t look at you as he spoke, his fingers tapping absently against his leg, a nervous habit that felt out of place coming from someone who had just commanded a stage so effortlessly.

You blinked, did you hear that right? You shook your head, surprised by his words. “You… You remember me?”

Yuuta nodded slowly, his gaze finally lifting to meet yours, but something was unnerving about the way he looked at you— like he wasn’t just seeing you in that moment, but recalling something deeper, something that had been bothering him for a while. “You’ve been to some shows,” he continued, his voice low, a little too casual. “I’ve noticed.”

His words sent a chill down your spine, and you weren’t sure why. There was nothing inherently strange about a musician recognizing a fan, but the way he said it, the way his eyes lingered on you, made your stomach twist. “I… yeah. I’ve been to a few,” you admitted, suddenly feeling exposed like he had been watching you far more closely than you’d realized. “It’s been a while.”

 He didn’t come closer, but the air between you felt thinner now as if the space that remained wasn’t enough to protect you from the weight of his gaze. “I kept seeing you. Every show. Always in the crowd. Always watching. But then, you stopped.”

Your heart pounded harder in your chest, but it wasn’t from excitement. It was something darker, something that made you feel as though you’d been caught in a web you hadn’t even realized was being spun around you. “Yeah… Sorry… I… I didn’t think you noticed, let alone acknowledged my presence,” you said, your voice sounding smaller than you intended.

Yuuta’s lips twitched, but it wasn’t quite a smile. It was more like a recognition, a knowing that made your pulse quicken. “I keep a close eye on things,” he murmured, his voice soft, almost hypnotic. 

The words hung in the air, heavier than they should have been.  His eyes were tired, rimmed with dark circles, but there was something else behind them, something far less innocent than the vulnerability he projected.

“We spoke once, after a show,” he murmured, his voice quiet, “I was already looking for you then… but after that night, I couldn’t help myself. Every time, I kept searching the crowd, hoping to see you. And when I saw you again tonight… I had to find you.”

The way he said it wasn’t direct, like a confession. More so an observation, something he had come to terms with over time, something that had slipped into his awareness without his permission. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, dark and unreadable, but they lingered only briefly before shifting away again. 

Your breath caught in your throat. The room felt smaller, the shadows creeping in closer. You didn’t know how to respond, your mind spinning with the realization that Yuuta had been watching you, tracking your presence from show to show, even after the autograph session, and now… Now, you were here, with him, alone. Your heart swelled that you might mean something to him.

“Why?” you asked, your voice shaking slightly, though you tried to hide it. “Why did you need to see me?”

Yuuta tilted his head slightly, his dark eyes searching yours as if trying to find the answer himself. “I don’t know,” he said finally, his voice quiet, but there was an intensity behind it that made your chest tighten. “But it doesn’t feel like I can ignore it anymore.”

Yuuta's fingers twitched at his side, and for a moment, it looked like he was going to reach for you, but he stopped himself, his hand dropping back to his side. “I don’t want you to think my invitation back here is… normal,” he said softly, his eyes holding yours in a way that made it impossible to look away. “It’s not.”

The warmth of his performance, the energy he radiated on stage, was gone, replaced by something more unsettling, something of quiet passion.

Your pulse quickened, the anxiousness mixing with something else now— thrill. “Then. Why did you do it?” you asked, your voice shaky with nerves.

Yuuta looked down, his jaw tensing as if he was struggling with something he couldn’t explain. “Because I can’t help myself.”

Yuuta’s eyes met yours again, and for the briefest moment, you saw something raw in them, it made your heart ache with a strange kind of sympathy. He wasn’t trying to scare you, but he couldn’t deny that something about his fixation wasn’t right. And yet, here you were, standing in the middle of it, unable to pull away.

The room was still, but there was a tremor beneath the surface, an energy so thick it made the air feel too heavy to breathe. He didn’t move closer, not yet. Instead, he lingered in the space between you, his body tense, his eyes lowered as if he couldn’t bear to meet your gaze for too long. There was a quiet restraint in him, but it was thin, frayed at the edges, as though it wouldn’t take much to pull it apart.

The room seemed to shrink around you, the space between you both growing smaller, though neither of you moved. Something magnetic, something that had been pulling you together long before either of you had understood it.

“You’re still here,” he added, his voice softer, more tentative, as though the fact of your presence was something that puzzled him. His fingers curled slightly, the faintest movement, but they didn’t reach for you. Not yet.

You could hear the unasked question in his words, the quiet uncertainty that underlined everything he wasn’t saying. He had seen you. He had noticed. You have come back. You were here, standing in the same space, breathing the same heavy air, tied together by something you couldn’t name.

There was no need to say that you felt it too.

The silence stretched between you, but it wasn’t empty. It was filled with everything neither of you could say, everything that simmered just beneath the surface. The tension was there, thick and palpable, but it wasn’t rushed. It was slow, deliberate, like the pull of a tide that dragged you in, inch by inch.

“Why?” Yuuta asked finally. The word hung in the air between you, not demanding an answer, but leaving space for one all the same.

You didn’t answer right away. The truth wasn’t something you could put into words, not in a way that made sense. It wasn’t a decision you had made consciously, wasn’t something you had planned. It was as if something larger than yourself had been guiding you all along, pulling you back to him, tying you to him in ways you didn’t fully understand.

“I think I’m meant to be here,” you said finally, your voice soft but steady.

Yuuta’s expression didn’t change, but there was something in his eyes that flickered, something dark, that hinted at the same confusion, hungry.

You could feel it— the shift in him, the way his restraint was fraying at the edges, the way he seemed to be holding himself in place with the thinnest of threads. You could feel it in the way Yuuta’s fingers twitched slightly at his side, his hand so close to yours but never quite touching. In the way, his breath hitched every time his gaze flickered toward you.

And you were holding your breath, waiting.

The air between you was thick, almost suffocating, but neither of you moved. The moment stretched on, and yet you both seemed content to exist in it, neither pushing nor pulling.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, looking for you,” Yuuta said quietly, his voice so soft it barely broke the silence. His eyes lingered on the floor for a moment before he looked back up at you, his gaze heavy with something you couldn’t quite place. “At every show I have played, I tried, but I couldn’t stop.”

The truth in his words was obvious, the pull between you as tangible as the air you breathed, thick and heavy, as if something larger than either of you was at play.

You paused, your heart beating deep in your chest, “You never wanted to stop,” you said softly, your voice steady but quiet, as if you were sharing a secret.

Yuuta’s eyes flickered with something dark and intense— something that hinted at all the things he hadn’t said, all the things he couldn’t say. His fingers curled slightly, the faintest movement, but they didn’t reach for you. Not yet.

“No,” he admitted after a beat, his voice low, almost rough. “I didn’t.”

Yuuta’s gaze darkened, his fingers twitching at his side, and for the briefest moment, you thought he might reach for you. But he held himself back, as though on the edge of something he couldn’t fully grasp.

“I don’t understand this,” he murmured, his voice rough, as if the admission itself cost him something he couldn’t afford to give.

 The silence stretched between you like a living thing, thick and heavy, pressing in from all sides, as though the room itself was holding its breath. Yuuta’s gaze hadn’t left yours, and though his body remained still, something in his eyes betrayed the careful control he was trying so hard to maintain.

“Do you?” Yuuta’s voice was barely audible, the question itself fragile, as if he feared breaking the moment with it.

Yuuta’s hand twitched again, and for a moment, you thought he might reach for you, might finally close the distance between you that had been growing smaller and smaller. Instead, he held himself in place, the tension in his body palpable, as though he was fighting some unseen force, something that threatened to consume him if he let it.

You met his eyes, feeling that same pull you’d felt from the start. “I think we are meant to find each other,” you replied, your voice low, a quiet certainty settling over the words. You reached over to grasp Yuuta’s hands into yours, his eyes going wide. You intertwined your fingers, clasping them delicately, as if this moment was something that could shatter in an instant.

“We should…” He trailed off, his voice barely a whisper, as if he wasn’t even sure what he was about to say. His eyes were dark, heavy with something you couldn’t quite name, and the space between you felt smaller than ever.

And then, finally, it snapped.

It was subtle at first, just the barest shift in his posture, the slightest tightening of his grip on your hand. But that was all it took to send a jolt through you, the air thickening as he stepped closer, his presence overwhelming in its intensity. His fingers curled around yours, tighter now, as if he had finally given in to the pull that had been tugging at him for so long.

His breath was unsteady, his chest rising and falling just a little too quickly, and his gaze flickered down to your lips, lingering there for a moment before sweeping back up to meet your eyes. There was no more restraint in his expression now, no more hesitation. Whatever had been holding him back had finally frayed beyond repair, and you could feel the shift in him— the quiet, barely contained need that was simmering just beneath the surface, threatening to spill over.

“I can’t—” He started to speak, but the words died on his lips, his voice rough, almost broken. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to say, it was that there were no words left that could explain what was happening between you. Whatever this was, it was beyond reason now, beyond logic or explanation.

It just was.

And that was enough.

Without thinking, you closed the distance between you, your breath catching in your throat as you finally leaned into the pull, into the gravity that had been drawing you both together from the start. Yuuta’s fingers tightened around yours, his other hand lifting slowly, hesitantly, as though he was still trying to hold himself back— but only barely.

When his fingers brushed against your cheek, the touch was feather-light, almost trembling, as if he was afraid of what might happen if he let himself go any further. But the weight of his hand was enough to send a shiver down your spine, enough to make your breath come out unsteadily, the heat of the moment settling deep in your chest.

You looked up at him, and for the first time, you saw it clearly— the quiet desperation in his gaze, the raw, unfiltered intensity that had been simmering beneath the surface all along. He wasn’t just looking at you. He was seeing you, in a way that felt almost too much, too overwhelming, like he was trying to drink you in, trying to consume you whole.

It was the look of someone who had been holding back for far too long.

And it made your heart race.

“Yuuta…” you whispered, the word barely audible, but it was enough to break the last bit of tension between you, enough to make him close the final gap.

His hand slid from your cheek to your jaw, his grip firm but still trembling slightly, as though he was still fighting against himself even now. His eyes flickered down to your lips again, and this time, he didn’t look away.

His breath was warm against your skin, and when he finally leaned in, the movement was slow, almost hesitant, like he was still giving you the chance to pull away—to stop this before it went too far.

But you didn’t.

You leaned into him instead, your breath mingling with his as the space between you dissolved completely, the tension snapping into something more intense, more immediate. His lips brushed against yours, light at first, like a question. But when you didn’t pull away, when you leaned into him, he finally let go of the restraint he had been clinging to for so long.

The kiss deepened, slow at first but quickly becoming more urgent, more insistent like the floodgates had finally opened and everything he had been holding back was spilling over. His hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, and the weight of his presence was overwhelming, mouth lapping at yours, hungry, absolutely starved.

There was no hesitation in him now, no more uncertainty. His fingers curled into your hair, his grip tightening and allowing him better access to devour you.

Your hands found their way to his chest, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as you pulled him closer, the heat of his body pressing against yours in a way that made your pulse race, your breath coming faster now, more unsteady.

The room seemed to spin around you, the air thick with heat. Yuuta’s hand slid down your back, his touch a possessive grasp, pulling you closer and closer to him, as if he was never ever going to let you go.

And the thought of it—of being his, of letting him consume you completely—made your heart soar, the heat between you growing more intense. The kiss deepened–all saliva, teeth, and tongue.

The air was still thick, charged with the aftermath of what had just passed between you. Yuuta hadn’t pulled away. His body was still close to yours, his hand resting on the back of your neck, his fingers tangled in your hair as though he couldn’t bring himself to let go. His breath was uneven, his chest rising and falling too quickly, and though the kiss had ended, the weight of it still hung between you like a heavy cloud.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. There were no words that could make sense of what had just happened, no explanation that could satisfy the raw, electric energy that still simmered beneath the surface. It was as though time had stopped, the world around you shrinking down to just the two of you, suspended in the tension that had finally snapped, leaving both of you gasping in its wake.

Yuuta’s eyes were dark, heavy with something you couldn’t name, and though his grip on you had loosened slightly, his body remained tense, as though he was still holding himself back, even now. His lips parted, and for a moment, it seemed like he was about to speak, but the words didn’t come. Instead, his gaze flickered down to where his hand rested against the small of your back, his touch still firm, still possessive.

“I shouldn’t have…” His voice was quiet, rough, like he was trying to find a way to apologize for something neither of you wanted to take back. But the apology never came. He trailed off, his eyes flickering up to meet yours again, and the intensity in his gaze made your breath catch in your throat.

It wasn’t regret you saw in his eyes. It wasn’t hesitation either. It was something darker, something that had been there all along but had only just begun to surface.

Possession.

He hadn’t just wanted to kiss you. He had wanted to claim you, to make sure that whatever was between you wasn’t something you could walk away from.

“Yuuta,” you whispered, the sound of his name enough to break the silence, to make his grip on you tighten again, pulling you closer once more. His breath hitched slightly at the sound of his name on your lips, and you could see the way his restraint was fraying, the way the darkness in his gaze was growing, becoming more insistent, more all-consuming.

His fingers tightened in your hair, and his other hand slid down to grasp your waist, holding you there as though he was afraid to let go, afraid that if he did, you might slip away, and this moment might disappear.

You lifted your hand to his chest, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer, grounding him in the intensity of what was happening between you. His breath came out in a sharp exhale, and for a moment, you felt him tremble beneath your touch, as though he was still trying to hold himself together, still trying to keep from losing control.

“I don’t want you to stop,” you whispered, the words falling from your lips before you could think better of them. But it was the truth. You didn’t want him to stop. You didn’t want him to pull away. 

Yuuta’s breath hitched again, and for a long moment, he didn’t say anything. His grip on you tightened his body tense with the weight of everything that was happening, with everything that had been left unsaid. And then, slowly, his lips found yours again, softer this time, moving down your jaw and trailing to your collarbone. You laid back and guided him towards you as you bore your neck, allowing him better access as your hands slid up to the back of his neck, your fingers curling into his hair, pulling him closer.

Yuuta’s kisses felt hot against your throat, love bites and bruises left in his wake as he sucked at your skin. They left you dizzy, your senses filled only with your darling Yuuta. 

His hips made a home between your legs, the hardness beneath his pants rubbing at your clothed heat as your hips moved up to grind against him. You gasped, letting out soft moans as Yuuta rutted harder and faster against you, your slick building and seeping through your panties. He could keep at this all night, if you let him. Perfectly content with just dry humping you until you came against him over and over again. Alas, you wanted more than that.

“Yuuta,” you whined, hands clawing at his belt, desperation heavy in your voice.

“What do you want?” Yuuta asked, voice rough as his breath tickled your ear, “Tell me.”

“I want you. I want you. Please,” You beg, unsuccessfully trying to unbuckle his belt, fingers clumsy and desperate against the worn black leather.

Yuuta’s eyes darkened at your words, his breath catching in his throat as the weight of them sank in. His hand, still resting at the small of your back, tightened, pulling you closer, and you could feel the shift in him—the way his possessiveness mirrored your own.

Yuuta’s breath was unsteady, his forehead resting lightly against yours, as though he needed to feel you close to stay grounded. But even in the closeness, you could sense the restlessness in him– the way his fingers still gripped your waist, the tension in his body that threatened to spill over.

From your waist, his hand moved to snake its way to the source of your slick, fingers carefully dancing across the heat of your skin down into your soaked panties. Muffled moans escaping your lips as his fingers rubbed against your swollen clit, calloused fingers dipping into the folds of your dripping-wet pussy. Yuuta’s breath hitched, cheeks flushed as he realized how needy you were for him.

He felt absolutely haunted by the way your soft little moans made his heart swell.  ‘Addicting’, he thought, he wanted to strum you like a chord and make you sing a melody that never stopped looping in his mind.

Your thighs shook as Yuuta unbuckled his belt, pants drooping around his hips as he pulled out his cock. It sprang to life, your mouth watering at the size of his member. He smiled sheepishly as you moved your hips towards him. He moved to situate himself over you, his leaky tip rubbing against the swell of your clit. He worked himself against your slick, coating himself as he teased your dripping hole, smearing his sticky precum over your pussy.

He sighed as he pushed into you, slowly, carefully. The air was knocked out of your gut and your legs wrapped around his waist, welcoming the satisfaction that came when he made a home in your tight walls.

Yuuta’s fingers dug into your hips as he bottomed out into your cunt, his head kissed your cervix in a way that made your eyelashes flutter. He started off with slow, languid strokes that only began to ramp up pace as the two of you fucked into each other. Sloppy noises filled the room as you both moaned breathless puffs into the crisp air of the room. The quiet thrum of show still going on outside, bass reverberating and vibrating against the walls lost on the two of you.

Yuuta made sure to make a mess of you, pushing your knees up against your belly as he continued to pound into you, his painted nails and calloused hands digging into your flesh, his dark eyes peering down at you adoringly. You could only stupidly grasp at the leather beneath you, seeing stars every time his tip fucked the deepest parts of your guts. 

He loved the way your pussy tightened around his cock, the view of him pulling out of you only to sink deeper and deeper into you. It was mesmerizing, the way your back arched above the couch and your hips found their way to meet his. He adored you, he adored you, he adored you.

“Ah, you’re so cute, so good for me. I’ve always dreamed of this,” he rasped, “You’re perfect.”

“Yuu— Yuuta,” you cried, “Feels good, feels so good.”

Yuuta’s fingers moved up your shirt to fondle at your tits, fingers playing with your hardened nipples while he drilled into your poor sopping cunt. You sobbed as your mouth went slack, drool pooling down your pretty lips. Your eyes rolling into your head. You think you look so stupid, Yuuta thinks you look like an angel.

Your cunt felt stretched to the brim, overstimulated to the point where all you could do is cum around his cock, your dripping pussy spazzing around his girth, a pool of slick coating him.

“Fuck, fuck— I’m never letting you go,” Yuuta groaned through clenched teeth. His pace only became more erratic, his hips working into you when he drops down to give you a gentle kiss despite him ravaging your body. 

It wasn’t long until he was spilling himself into you, pressing deeply to make sure you got every last bit of his seed. His tongue and teeth swiping over your open mouth, as if he was fully trying to consume you whole. It made your heart skip a beat, your arms moving to caress the back of his neck, guiding him somehow even closer against you.

“I don’t know how to…” he started, his voice faltering, rough with the aftermath. His forehead pressed harder against yours, “I don’t know if I can ever let you go.”

“Then don’t,” you breathed, “I won’t let go, either.”

The intensity in his gaze deepened, something darker, something raw flashing behind his eyes. His hand slid up to the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair again as though he needed to feel the weight of you in his grasp to believe that this was real, that you were here with him. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

But you did. You did know. And that was why you wanted it even more.

“I do,” you said, your voice low but steady, filled with the same quiet urgency that had been building between you the whole night. “I do know. And I want this just as much as you do.”

Yuuta’s breath hitched again, his grip on you tightening as though your existence would evaporate before him. His eyes were dark and desperate, “You’re mine now,” he whispered, his voice so low it was barely audible, but there was no mistaking the possessiveness in his tone, the way his fingers dug into your skin as though he was marking you. “I really won’t let you go.”

You brightened at him, beaming, “I know.”  You didn’t pull away. You didn’t hesitate. You belonged here.

Yuuta’s lips brushed against yours again, softer this time, more deliberate. His fingers curled into your skin as though he couldn’t get close enough. His breath was warm against your mouth, his body tense with the weight of everything he had been holding back.

You looked up at him, your breath shaky, your heart pounding in your chest, and you knew it too. You had felt it from the moment you had first seen him, the moment you had started following him, inexplicably drawn to him.

“You’re mine, too.”

[thearchercore]

charles is a PR genius. and here's how he's trying to slowly rebrand his persona to strenghten his personal brand:

recently, especially after the triple header, you could notice charles had a period of time when he distanced himself from ferrari and clearly changed his public statements about his goals. he went from saying he wants to win with ferrari to saying that at his core, he just wants to win. and that he would leave ferrari if he didn't believe the project.

he also changed the way he communicated with fans, through social media. you can notice the change of wording in his post descriptions:

both posts are from the same year, but the wording is now different. he refused to use the ferrari branding and stopped using the typical ferrari-PR wording he was conditioned to use.

fast forward, he started interracting with ferrari by abu dhabi and seemed to be finally happy with the direction the team was taking. however, he still managed to build something from this anti-ferrari period -- the slow rebrand from being "charles, the ferrari driver" to "charles, the f1 driver".

charles is slowly, but surely working to increase the value of his personal brand to possibly gain more negotiating power, and other bonuses that come with having a strong personal brand not tied to any team in particular.

in general, the goal would be to outgrow the team so you are known as an individual athlete, not just someone who drives for the particular team and has their identity tied to the team only.

he also signed with WME for advertisement purposes, he started wearing his personal clothing brand CLACE again after ferrari banned him to do so. he clearly regained more confidence in what he can do as an athlete within the contract (that's usually very limiting from ferrari's pov).

how does he otherwise work on his personal brand? relatability. charles is a gen z child first and foremost, he knows parasocial relationships play a huge role on social media. he works on side personal projects like the LA vlog -- the vlog that had little to do with racing but still showed charles completely SUCK at basketball.

why would you include it, you may ask? it makes him relatable, it makes his personality more interersting. more fun.

his first public post from winter training then was him falling

why did he post that? well, a) he's a silly guy. but more importantly, b) he's not crafting up a perfect PR image, he's aiming for being relatable, showcasing more of his personality. he wants to stand out as an individual in the sea of other f1 drivers who posted more pre-planned content during their winter training.

in the LA vlog he also left in a little dig at carlos. why? because he can. he also used his twitter likes to like controversial things that ferrari wouldn't let him say. he very much knows how to navigate online spaces and how to create more boundaries between his personal brand and the ferrari brand.

additionally, he also now hangs out with people like max publicly even if they don't benefit the ferrari brand. max, in general, isn't liked by the tifosi or ferrari in general. but charles still makes sure to hang out with him on track and outside of it, once again, securing his personal brand and not pushing something that ferrari would prefer.

it's all very interesting to watch, seeing how carefully he's rebuilding his public image and how he communicates on social media with the world.

[nomazee]

Silly little thing I thought of

Like like imagine dazai and the reader have been friends for years like the reader knew him since his 15 goofer era... and they got used to eachother sm they usually sleep in eachothers beds n stuff :3

LIKE SOMETHING IS GOING ON BUT THEY STILL HAVE THE FRIENDSHIP LABEL.. 🐺🤞

this concept stuck itself in my head like a tapeworm and it has not escaped me for days IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED i wrote SO MUCH for this omfg i had so much fun writing this thank u for this wonderful idea pairing: dazai x gn reader word count: 2.5k content: fluff, vignette-style writing, friends-to-lovers unspoken label type of thing, soft dazai, domestic fluff without the marriage bit, banter, idiots in love im taking requests!

===

Dazai’s toes are still as frigid at night as they were seven years ago. You, of all people, would be the best person to measure this—not in a weird way, but you two have shared a bed at least once a week since your teenage years. You know all of Dazai’s annoying sleeping habits, including his ones of sleeping without socks and digging his feet into your shins for warmth. 

Annoying fucker. You sigh, batting his arm away from its loose hold around your waist. “Get your toes off of me,” you croak out, half-conscious and mind still addled with the remains of your once-deep sleep.

“What toes,” Dazai mutters back, smacking your intervening hand away and returning his arm to its rightful place around you. “I don’t have toes. I got rid of them after puberty, ‘member?” 

“I’m gonna kill you.” You won’t, not really, and the threats have lost their edge after all these years, but it’s fun to throw at him when he annoys you like this. “I know all your weaknesses, Osamu. One wrong move and you’ll be missing more than just your toes.” 

“I’m cold, dear. Would you really let me freeze like this? So mean.” 

You try not to choke up at the nickname. He’s been a fan of those recently, at least in the last year. You think it has something to do with your new places at the Agency. New workplace, new life, and new nicknames, apparently. If you overthink it you might puke on him and fall back asleep. 

“Not cruel. We have money now, you know. Go buy yourself socks. Wool, or something. Stupid ass cold ass toes.”

He goes quiet. Even in all these years of knowing him, half-living with him, you can’t tell if it’s a normal lull in the conversation or a calculated pause. It doesn’t unnerve you as much as it used to, but there’s still a cold chill at the nape of your neck that springs up at times like these. 

“Why would I do that when I have you?” 

Dazai has also been a fan of this recently—strange uncharacteristic moments of tenderness. He peels himself back for you and bares himself raw. The implications make you nauseous. Swathed in the darkness of the night, he can’t see your fingers twitch from where they lay next to your head, away from his sight; or the conflicted expression that crosses your face. 

Easing your breath out into a steady, deep rhythm, you pretend to be asleep. It’s not like he can’t tell, but the message is there. Let’s not talk about this until the morning. Let’s just sleep for the night. Let’s keep what we have and not change it for the worse. 

==

At age eighteen, shaken with the death of his friend and haunted by blood stains on his fingers, Dazai defects from the mafia. 

He doesn’t take you with him—at least, he doesn’t mean to. He expects to leave quietly, or as quietly as blowing up Chuuya’s car can be. He doesn’t expect you to drag yourself along kicking and screaming. 

Dazai doesn’t remember much about specifics, but he knows that one day he was alone in his underground apartment and the next day you were there. The kitchen smelled like melted marshmallows and rice krispies and his dingy counter was covered in sprinkles. 

“Hi, Dazai,” you’d greeted conversationally. “I’m making your favorite.” 

He doesn’t even like rice krispie treats. Hates them, actually. 

In truth, your presence is less the result of you “kicking and screaming” and more like an after-effect of your own quiet stubbornness. Your kicking-and-screaming was done in the passive aggressive way that you cleaned his dishes and made his bed and left big trays of rice krispie treats in his fridge for the next week. 

Neither of you talked about Chuuya. It was better for you that way. 

On the first night, Dazai remembers you holding him from behind, forehead pressed into the stretch of skin between his neck and shoulder. He’s sensitive there despite being wrapped in his stupid scratchy bandaids. His memories for the rest of the night are overrun by a feeling of want, an itch to feel your fingers on his bare skin, a craving for your hand on his stomach to slide beneath the hem of his shirt and press into the tender skin of his abdomen and keep him warm.  

===

“Leave me alone,” you grumble from behind the sleeve of your jacket. “I’m napping.” 

“It’s not napping if you’re still awake.” 

“I wouldn’t be awake if it wasn’t for your annoying ass.” Rotating your body to face the ceiling from your place on the Agency’s couch, you sigh when your view is blocked by Dazai’s ugly stupid face. He’s smiling in that conniving way that he does when he’s about to do something super annoying. Another sigh escapes you when he leans down close enough for the overgrown ends of his hair to brush against your nose. The puff of air from your verbal discontent makes the strands sway slightly. You try not to think about how mesmerizing he looks when he’s this close, with the light from the window casting a golden sheen on the crown of his head. 

Since when did you get this sappy? Must be Dazai rubbing off on you, obviously. 

“So tired already! It’s barely noon.” 

“You came into work an hour ago. I’ve been here since eight. Try being responsible for a change, might exhaust you just as much.” 

“Hmm.” He tilts his head, big stupid shiny brown eyes blinking down at you like he’s observing a specimen. “I think I’m more than responsible enough.” 

“Sure,” you relent, turning back around to shove your face into the corner of the couch and block out the incoming light. It’s the truth—you’re exhausted. A persistent weariness permeates your bones from how much you’ve been working these last few weeks. It’s not like it’s anyone’s fault in particular, not even Dazai’s despite how much he slacks on paperwork. But looming threats from enemy organizations hang over everyone’s heads and there’s no shortage of uncertainty in the Agency. It’s been mission after mission for you, and you’re taking every break you can get. 

Rustling sounds from above you, but you pay it no mind, busying yourself with nestling all of your body into the crevices of the couch and hopefully turning into a piece of furniture yourself. It might be a more peaceful life, really. The calm is short-lived when you feel fingers tap along your cheek—not in a rousing gesture, but something along the lines of placating. 

Dazai squeezes a hand beneath your head and cups the side of your face pressed against the couch, tilting it closer to him before you feel a warm press of lips against your cheek. He lingers. He always does. You can feel the gentle inhales and exhales breeze against your face before he breaks his kiss away. Your cheek is warm for more reasons than one. 

“Take care of yourself,” and oh, god, you’ll never get used to this, never get used to how tender and soft he’s become with you, never get used to how this Agency has fostered something like kindness in both of you. Your stomach stirs with something unnamed and if you were braver, you’d blink your eyes open and reach up and grab the sides of his face and pull him down to you. 

But you’re not brave, and there’s people still behind you in the office, and you wonder what led Dazai to be soft enough to kiss your face like that in front of everyone. You’re sure they’re watching you both. The Agency is full of gossips, whether they admit it or not. 

===

“Dazai,” Ango Sakaguchi grits out from behind the crackling reception of a burner phone. “They were not a part of the plan.” 

“You think I don’t know that, Ango?” Dazai replies, tone more playful than aggressive. “I know they’re not a part of the plan. They knew they weren’t part of the plan, too. But it’s too late to do anything about it. It’s just a minor change.” 

“A minor change?” Ango’s voice is strained with stress, no doubt pulling out strands of his hair as they speak. “I have to deal with not one, but now two members of the mafia defecting. Do you know how much work this was to begin with?” 

The thing is—of course Dazai knows. He knows everything. The minute he found you in his kitchen, his stomach dropped with the uncertainty of the future. Going underground with another person was nothing short of a burden, at least on paper. But, he couldn't find it in himself to think of you like that. Like a burden. 

“We’ll figure it out, Ango. If you don’t, then we will.” 

A gritty sigh sounds from the other side of the phone call. “I’m putting a lot of faith in you, Dazai. Don’t screw this up.” 

===

“Made you lunch. Since, obviously, you’re not gonna do that for yourself any time soon.” 

A closed plastic container is thrown on the counter in front of Dazai. He looks at it, then up at you, eyebrow raised as if he doesn’t have a clue what this could be about. He’s not that stupid, though. You of all people would know that. 

“How nice of you! Too bad I’m not hungry.” His lip juts out in a poor imitation of a pout, and he looks ugly with it. So ugly. Ugly enough to make you feel the need to kiss him all over and then slap him. An incredulous huff escapes you. 

“I don’t care if you’re hungry. Eat. It has crab in it, see, your favorite.” 

“I thought my favorite was rice krispies?” 

You freeze. It hadn’t occurred to you that he might remember that, after all this time. You don’t dwell, because that’s the worst thing to do with Osamu Dazai—dwell. 

“Don’t act stupid. Just eat it. Even if it’s not the whole thing, at least some of it. It would do you some good.” Getting serious with Dazai is one of the most awkward, unbearable things you could ever do. He has a way of making you feel stupid for worrying about him, with all his roundabout jokes and skills of evasion built up over years. You’ve found that being straightforward is the best way to avoid all those blank moments of silence. 

His fingers curl around the plastic lid and pop it open. The container is still warm, having cooked all its contents just half an hour before showing up at Dazai’s apartment with conviction in your eyes. “Sure,” he says. “I’ll have some.” 

You bring out a duplicate container with a serving for you, and treat yourself to a juice box from his fridge. You try not to launch into a lecture at the sight of his barren pantry—that’s best done by Kunikida. The both of you eat in silence, sitting across from each other at Dazai’s dusty kitchen island. 

He only gets through a few bites before pushing the container away and complaining about how full he is. You know it’s not the truth, but it’s the mixed-up signals that his body sends him. It’s not that he’s full, but his persistent lack of appetite has caused a lot of troubles for him in the past and you don’t doubt that it’ll keep causing troubles in the future, too. 

“Let’s get you to bed, then,” you tell him, dragging him up from his chair despite his whining protests. “I won’t make you shower, but you should probably do that tomorrow, ‘cause your hair’s about to get all greasy and disgusting.”

“So crude.” 

“I do my best.” 

You let him change on his own, but not before picking out a nice soft set of matching pajamas from deep inside his closet. You grumble a little in annoyance. The set was a birthday gift you got for him a year ago and that asshole pushed it to the back of his wardrobe and never touched it again. What a brat. You throw a pair of fuzzy socks at him to boot. 

Once he’s changed into proper sleep clothes, you can tell that the exhaustion is starting to hit him. He sways a little on his feet and his blinks last for a little too long, as if he’s chasing sleep every time his eyes shut. With another begrudging sigh, you set him down on the floor of the bathroom and dollop his toothbrush with fruity kid’s toothpaste—because of course that’s the only toothpaste he owns—and brush his teeth for him. 

Dazai dozes off in the middle of it, and you can’t bring yourself to wake him up in the most annoying way possible. You try really, really hard to not think about how soft you’ve gotten. You’re an ex-mafia member, past coated with dark stains and entrails and death, all of those dark things. Your blood is just as black as Dazai’s, if not more. And yet, being a part of this stupid Detective Agency with this stupid man has melted you down into something parallel to good.

Don’t dwell. It’ll do you no good. 

You use a gentle grip with the toothbrush, ensuring that his delicate gums don’t tear with the force of the bristles. A warm feeling stirs in your chest. It feels like you’ve proven something, like you’ve proven to the world that your coal-stained hands can be gentle, too. You can kill and you can nurture. You tap Dazai awake with a little more care, now. 

“Rinse your mouth,” you tell him in a whisper. “Then you can sleep.” And after a pause, you add, “I promise,” because now you’re in the business of making promises to people. 

Dazai rinses his mouth, and you wipe off the remaining droplets of water from his face with a paper towel that you leave on the counter for your future self to throw out. You lace your fingers with his as you walk to his bed. Not that he needs any guiding. Of course he doesn’t. It’s just a little extra insurance, you think. 

“Stay with me,” he mumbles out the minute you lay him down on the bed. It’s a sentence, and not a question, because he’d rather die than ask you something so vulnerable. He’s doing it again—peeling himself back and baring himself raw for you. Your head swims and your vision blurs with either a migraine or with tears, you can’t tell. But your lips quirk up into a stupid smile and he sees it despite his half-lidded eyes, and he smiles back like the stupid dope that he is. 

“Yeah, of course. I’m right here, Osamu. Go to sleep.” 

And he does. Of course, not before he feels you cup the opposite side of his face and plant a warm, lingering kiss on the swell of his cheek just as he did for you weeks before. The faint laugh that he lets out before he falls asleep is enough to tell you that he’ll be making fun of you for it in the morning. For now, though, he’s soft and pliant and warm between your hands, and you sleep.

[tkaulitzlvr]

SORRY - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: you were drinking your sorrows away after yours and tom’s breakup, receiving unwanted attention at the random club you are at, until the last person you expected to see comes to your rescue.

content: angst + smut

a/n: again pulled this out of my ass this is becoming a very common theme LOL. this isn’t what i wanted to post but it’s been a week since i last put anything out so i threw it together, def not my best work and i feel like all i write is angst to smut whoops, hope u all enjoy anyway and thank u for 500 followers!!

the alcohol soon takes over as i down another shot, the liquid burns my throat and only fuels my recklessness. not that i mind, in fact, it is exactly what i need. tonight i don’t want to feel - tired of the everlasting burden of my emotions. i want to be numb, nothing but an empty vessel, letting the alcohol lead the way opposed to my diseased mind. music blares through the speakers, probably loud enough to cause some serious damage to my eardrums. but i don’t know how long i have been at this club for, though it is long enough for my hearing to become accustomed to the thick bass pulsating through my body, no longer wincing whenever i would near the speakers.

intoxicated bodies encircle me whilst i make my way to the centre, some just like me - alone and drinking away their self pity. others dance with their friends, slurred giggles leaving their lips as they sloppily sway their hips to the music, covered in nothing besides their skimpy dresses. those that i envy don’t dance alone, but with a man beside them, hands on their body, faces inches apart. they are able to focus on the one person in front of them, tuning out the hundreds of people surrounding them. but, each person that i see all have one thing in common - they fit in. and i want that too, so bad, instead of feeling so misplaced - that feeling ripe within me, apparent ever since he left.

everyone knew about tom and i’s breakup, hell, how could they not? ‘germany’s biggest heartthrob - tokio hotel guitarist tom kaulitz, parts with model girlfriend after two years!’ - that’s a headline most reporters dream of, christmas having come early for them when the news came out. and it spread like wildfire, his fans - who were particularly notorious for not being entirely fond of tom finding a long term girlfriend - had hit the jackpot. they speculated, some saying that i cheated on him, some insistent on me being too controlling - others even going as far as to say i made him choose between me and the band. but when it came down to it, they were just rumours, plain and simple. no one is aware of the true reasoning behind it - only the two of us knew why we parted.

it was a mutual agreement, yet tom was the one that initiated it. the distance inevitably put between us as a result of him travelling on tours, from continent to continent, state to state, meant that we rarely saw each other, this putting stress on the both of us. i wanted us to work, more than anything, yet the way we drifted apart from each other made it impossible, being with him feeling like a chore as every small disagreement would blow way out of proportion, usually fixed by sex, the cycle repeating for the last few weeks of our relationship, until it reached breaking point. and i didn’t want to be used for my body, though i knew deep down tom loved me for more than that, fixing our problems with physical intimacy was only a temporary solution - leading to us parting ways.

that was one reason for our breakup, however the other was far more serious, and tom wasn’t even aware of it - but i had been speculating for a while. with his frequent travelling, i knew that i wasn’t the only girl in his life. how could i have been? he would go without seeing me for weeks, and whilst he had changed past his womanising ways, it would be stupidly naïve of me to think that he had moved on from that lifestyle completely. or perhaps my mind was tricking me, the loneliness i was often left to increasing the paranoia. though he had never explicitly given me the impression he was cheating, the thought always nagged in my mind, making the breakup slightly easier once he announced that we were no longer working. he promised that he still loved me, that maybe in the future things would work out, but i knew that was just a way to make our separation less bitter.

the constant articles, pictures, videos, and speculations of tom with other women each week lead me to the present, drinking my sorrows away a month after our breakup, wishing that i had never let him go despite agreeing that us parting ways would be the best solution. i was tired too, sick of fighting for a relationship that was no longer there. sometimes it felt utterly one sided, like i was the only one willing to try. tom refused to admit this, reminding me that "i know how much he loves me". however we just didn’t work anymore, his claims of our love like empty spews of desperation, but any words uttered from his beautiful mouth were words of truth to me, until i came to the soul-crushing realisation that he doesn’t adore me the way he did when we first met, all those years ago.

but god, every time i see pictures of him with a girl that isn't me, my heart wrenches at the sight, slowly tearing my insides apart as i recognise letting him go as my deepest regret. and the anger at not only myself, but him for leaving me eats me up, alcohol and temporary fixes being the only thing that can put my ill mind at ease.

but tonight tom isn’t on my mind. i’m desperate, longing for the touch of anyone who will give me the attention. that is why i left the house wearing nothing but a tight black dress that barely passed my mid-thighs. tom would never let me leave the house in such an outfit alone. he was always over-protective over me, loving the idea that I was his and only his. however he had left me, and i don’t care how promiscuous i appear, because admittedly, i am more needy than ever. my body running way ahead of my mind, i move sloppily to the rhythm of the music, feeling two hands grab my waist gently, pulling me into them as i turn around, seeing a tall-ish guy with fluffy blonde hair smirking down me.

he wasn’t tom. he could never be tom. nobody could. not a single person on this earth could even come close to him, could make me feel the way he did, both mentally and physically. right now it doesn’t matter, i don’t care who he is, because, on the surface, he is a male giving me attention, something which i have craved over this last month of loneliness.

"hi there." I utter drunkenly, slurring my words and backing further into him, the alcohol sinking more and more into my system as i no longer care who is dancing with me, this being the first time i have experienced physical touch since tom. and oh god how i’ve missed it. i’m a mess; a desperate, foolish fucking mess. if tom could see me right now, he wouldn’t recognise me. hell, i don't even know who i am anymore - in all honesty i had lost every part of what i thought i was the second he had walked out of the door. somehow, through the alcohol and attractive man behind me, tom is all my mind can focus on - his body the only clear image in there, beyond the fuzziness from the alcohol. i utterly despise the way he has such an effect on me, knowing that he has already gotten over our relationship despite the years we spent together, even before we had started dating, we had been close friends. using all the strength within me, i drown out every thought of him, attempting to enjoy the bitter-sweet freedom and get over him.

"what's your name beautiful?" the mysterious guy shouts over the crowd, tightening his grip on my waist.

"doesn’t matter." i reply. honestly, it didn’t - i probably won’t see this guy ever again, not after fucking him anyway. in any other circumstance, i would be scolding myself for giving myself up so easily, selling myself like some cheap slut. now though, i’m no longer myself, turning to face him, latching my arms around his neck. "what's yours?"

"alex." he responds, clearly not looking to make conversation, his dick appearing to be doing all the talking. "do you wanna get out of here?" he signals to the door, my head nodding eagerly in response, craving for any intimate moment no matter who it is with. part of me convinces myself that i am with tom, that it is him i am leaving the club with, as i would every single time. i imagine that it is him holding me with such adoration, that it is him soothing me in every way possible, yet i know that he is never coming back.

my body pushes its way through the crowd, uttering broken excuse me’s as i walk by, legs becoming weaker by the second as my vision slowly blurs. i soon pick up on the reality of the situation, disgust and shame echoing within me as i realise how fucked up my mind truly is. i am about to have sex with a guy who I have never met before - whether or not tom had broken my heart, i deserved to have morals. the rationality ticking in by the second, i roughly pull out of alex's grasp, his tall frame turning around in confusion.

"i- i have to get to my friends." i lie, totally aware that i came here alone, my words barely audible as my breathing becomes uneven.

"no, come with me, don't be like this baby." he smiles, pulling me along with him, tears soon clouding my vision as the chances of me escaping the situation seem to slip through my fingers before i can gather any sense of what is happening.

"let me go!" i muster all the courage and strength within me and yank my arm away, stumbling backwards into the cold brick wall behind me, the harshness causing me to shiver as i bite the inside of my mouth, praying for something, anything, to take me out of this situation. alex nears towards me, our faces inches apart as he towers over me, my body weak and defenceless against his.

"stop being such a bratty fucking bitch and just come with me-" he begins, grabbing ahold of my arm, only to be pushed to the floor in a matter of seconds, my head looking upwards in confusion to be met with a face i dreaded and longed to see at the same time.

"fuck off!" tom begins, squaring up to alex, who is useless against him, the height difference almost humorous. if i hadn’t been scared for my life seconds prior, i probably would’ve laughed, though the only thing i am truly able to process is the confusion that soon replaces any fear within me. "you ever go near my girl again and i'll break your fucking jaw. you understand, hm?" he shouts, alex smiling to himself and walking away, clearly not looking for a fight, though his cold glare moments ago said otherwise. his girl. i am everything but, closer to being the complete opposite, though i am too startled to consider questioning his words right now.

my body refuses to move, paralysed in utter shock, wondering whether the alcohol is causing me to hallucinate. i hadn’t seen tom since the day i moved out of his house, and now he is standing in front of me. and fuck, he looks good. it doesn’t matter that it has only been a month, somehow he seems to look much better, and undeniably different. his hair, usually a dark shade of blonde, the thick locks tied into a ponytail, adorned with whatever cap matched his outfit, is changed, almost so drastically it is hard to recognise him. instead, jet black braids rest on his shoulders, the colour mirroring his entire outfit - dark and cold. his cap is replaced with a small bandana, fitted securely around his forehead, the silver piercing on his lips now just as dark as his hair, matte black, making the soft shade of pink on his lips stand out even more.

though his new look is certainly a shock, the more daunting realisation comes merely from his presence. he is here - standing inches away from me. i am unable to gauge his next move, his expression still just as harsh as it had been once he had threatened that guy. however, any doubts i have are quickly put to bed, his tensed frame nearing mine, planting a calloused hand on my shoulder before pulling me into a tight hug, his thumb caressing my lower back whilst his other hand rests in my hair. i sob into his chest, failing pathetically to hide my emotions as i cling on to him, my small frame shaking due to the cold berlin weather and my irrational state.

"i’m so sorry." he mutters, resting his head on top of mine. i cannot respond, choking on my tears and unable to do anything but hold onto him as if he may slip away. my vision is slowly blurring, the countless drinks i had making their appearance as i realise how badly i have fucked up by coming here. beyond my intoxicated state, i realise that i don’t want to be this close to tom. i long to scream at the top of my lungs, something about how he made me feel, how fucked up he is, and how much i hate him, but right now i am too shaken to even stand up alone, so i save my breath and prepare to spew my feelings out when i have the energy.

"we need to get you home." he mutters, pulling away after a couple minutes. i stare into his eyes for the first time since we broke up, his immediately filling with hurt once he registers my damaged expression. "god, this is all my fault." he whispers under his breath, guiding me to his car, grabbing his jacket that he always kept in the back for instances like this, knowing that i get cold easily. it brings me some comfort knowing that he kept the jacket there, though it probably means nothing. he places it gently over my shivering frame before climbing into the driver’s side and beginning to drive to my apartment. the house that tom and i shared was in his name, meaning that i insisted on moving out. despite us breaking up, he helped me find a place, a decent sized two bedroom apartment in the heart of berlin. though it wasn't nearly as perfect as our home, it was something, and i am grateful for it.

i face away from him, not willing to forgive him despite my vulnerable state just moments before. no matter how much he protected me just then, i can’t place my trust in him, my heart and mind still wary, the thought of him discarding me for other girls so nonchalantly after we parted fresh in my mind.

"i missed you." he announces into the empty silence, his head turning in my direction whilst i scoff in response. "don't lie to me tom." his words bring anger coursing through my veins the second they utter from his mouth, sobriety soon taking over me as the alcohol quickly wares off. if he missed me, he wouldn't have fucked every girl he has seen this past month, he would have come back, or better yet, he wouldn’t have left me in the first place.

"i'm telling the truth." he begins, hesitantly turning his gaze to meet mine, my eyes filling with tears before i can attempt to collect my composure. "i regret leaving you. i need you to-"

"do you have any fucking idea what you did to me? i haven't been eating, sleeping, you've just seen me almost have sex with a guy i'd barely known for five minutes for gods sake!" i shout, my voice breaking as the tears cascade inevitably down my cheeks, unable to hide my vulnerability in this moment. he winces slightly at the mention of me nearly sleeping with alex, his grip on the wheel increasing whilst his jaw is clenched.

he is hurt. i have known him long enough to be able to distinguish how he is feeling without him saying a word. the pained look on his face almost pleases me, glad to see him guilty over the emotional turmoil he has caused me, because i long for him to grasp even a small segment of how i feel, and my small outburst has definitely achieved that.

"i’m sorry. i never deserved you, now even less than ever. i fucked up, badly. i have no idea how to make it up to you. help me, please schatz. i want to be better, for you." he finishes, pulling into his driveway as the dark grey gates open, revealing the house that i share so many memories in, yet it feels strangely foreign, like i don’t belong here, and i never did.

"sure doesn't seem like it." i begin. "from everything i've seen online you seem to have gotten over me pretty fast. thought you were better than meaningless sex, but i guess not. same old tom." i scoff, shaking my head in disbelief of his empty words.

"what are you talking about? i haven't had sex with anyone. not since you anyway." he fires back, staring into my eyes, and for some reason, i don't think he is lying, the amount of time spent with him across my life meaning i can read him like a book.

"whatever, i don’t have the fucking energy for this. besides, you said you were taking my home. this isn’t my house anymore, incase you fucking forgot.” i state matter-of-factly, not in the mood for continuing this conversation, or even being around him.

"you can barely walk. no way was i leaving you to go home alone. you can spend the night here." he replies assertively, stepping out of the car as i do the same, slamming the door shut in frustration.

"you don't have to protect me tom. we aren't together anymore." i respond bitterly, looking down at the ground, wishing it would swallow me up. his hand gently grazes mine, testing his limits as he attempts to take his hand in mine, to which i quickly refuse, pulling away and looking at him in confusion.

"what are you doing?" i hiss, looking upwards as he puts his hands up, surrendering.

"sorry just, please come inside, you're freezing in that tiny dress." not having the energy to argue, i reluctantly sigh, following him inside, taking in the all too familiar surroundings and immediately reminiscing on all the memories i have here, longing to go back to the time when things weren't so complicated.

"look i-" tom begins, however his words are soon shortened to a stop as i quickly cut him off, lethargic and carrying a lack of effort to argue with him, because i know that no matter how long i let him speak, the conversation will only end badly, turning even more sour than it already is right now.

"i'm tired, please can we talk about this in the morning." i sigh, my head pounding as i groan out in pain, massaging my temples slowly and closing my eyes.

"okay, you take our- my bed and i'll sleep in the guest room. there's some of my hoodies in there for you to sleep in." he responds, a look of defeat evident among his complexion, relief coursing through me as i nod my head, walking up to his bedroom. the countless nights i spent in this room, wrapped in his arms, the countless mornings i woke up to his affection, the countless evenings we shared intimate moments all seem to be lost as i feel a stranger here, almost misplaced without a sense of belonging.

i open the wardrobe, immediately knowing which door has his hoodies from when i would often steal one, something he is used to me doing. i pick out my favourite one. it is simple - a white hoodie with writing printed across its front. to others, it holds little meaning, however even after our breakup, it holds thousands of memories, because it is what he wore when we had our first kiss, and the first piece of clothing he ever gave me, this small act something i won’t ever be able to forget. slipping my dress off and the hoodie over my head, his scent quickly envelops me, providing with all the security i have been longing for, my mind quickly breaking down as tears cloud my vision, my desire to have him holding me taking over as i wish that we would have never parted.

climbing into the soft sheets, i attempt to fall asleep, any element of lethargy in my body fading away as i crave to be in tom’s arms like i have been each time i have laid in this bed. his side is cold and empty, my body shuffling over to it as i snuggle into his pillow, reaching out pathetically to any remnant of him i have left. seconds feel like hours of me thinking of him, wondering if he cares anywhere close to the extent that i do, finding myself longing to take a small look inside his mind, because all i want is his love. the darkness encloses me, silence echoing throughout the empty house and only fuelling my wandering mind. every thought flashes back to him, and i loathe how he can consume my entire being without even being aware of the effect he has on me.

eventually, my eyes begin to droop, almost falling into a somewhat peaceful slumber, however before i can do so, the door creaks open, light from the hallway leaking into the bedroom, before it is cast out seconds later with the soft click of the door closing, footsteps nearing the bed as i feel it dip beside me. my body is afraid to move, instead laying still in confusion until i feel a single hand brush against my shoulder, causing me to whip my head around, tom’s eyes gazing into mine.

‘i can't do it." he mutters, scanning my eyes with his own, only the seas of brown are filled with sorrow, slightly distinguishable through the darkness.

as much as i want to tell him to leave, to scold him for disturbing me when i was finally close to falling asleep, i simply can’t. i am compelled to him, silently thanking his impulsiveness and finding myself pleading for us to work things out.

"can't do what?" i respond, laying on my side and facing him, our bodies at each side of the bed as he is slightly reluctant to push my boundaries.

"live without you, i can't do it. i need you." he replies, slowly reaching his hand out until it meets mine, his fingers clasping mine in the centre of the bed, this small act of physical affection being the only thing that binds us together, yet it is more than enough.

"you broke me tom." i whisper, blinking away the tears as i refuse to cry again, tired of being so vulnerable around him. “do you realise that?”

"i know, and i’m so sorry schatz. i’ll never be able to make that up to you. but i want to try, can you let me do that? please baby." his body slowly nears mine, until our faces are inches apart. he removes his hand from mine, my face falling in disappointment, however this quickly turns into curiosity as it moves only to reach up and caress my cheek, wiping the single tear that had fallen with his thumb. i wither helplessly into his touch, feeling completely and utterly trapped within his affection. i am bound to him, left hopeless and attached. no matter how much i try fight, it is useless, my body and my mind is unable to function without him.

"it’s only you schatz." he mutters, his face nearing mine as he captures my lips in a sweet kiss, the first one we have shared in over a month. the way his lips fit so perfectly with mine, their softness contrasting with the harshness he showed me all those weeks ago, makes me wonder how i managed to live without this feeling all this time. he is a drug, his kisses addictive as i find myself longing for more, desperate to make up for the lost intimacy as a result of our separation.

"i love you." he whispers against my lips, reattaching them almost immediately with even more desire than before, sealing every unspoken apology in the most beautiful way possible. the darkness between us is a barrier, preventing my vision from witnessing the man above me. tom reaches quickly to flip the bedside lamp on, faded yellow light leaking dimly around the room, illuminating his features as i can finally see every part of him. and oh god, is he perfect. his lips plump and parted, tinted with a rosy shade of pink, adorned with that same piercing that drives me crazy each and every time, tired and shaky breaths erupting from them whilst i stare into his eyes, deep pools of brown that i could get lost in if i look for too long.

his body. crafted by god himself - concrete proof that he really does have favourites. each inch of skin soft and sheen, resembling silk itself whilst my fingers slowly trail down it, melting into the pale surface , past his chest to his chiselled abs, gently grazing the muscle and refusing to break eye contact. my hand creeps lower and lower, tom becoming increasingly flustered until they reach the waistband of his boxers. at an agonisingly slow pace, my finger slips inside, fiddling with the waistband whilst touching the skin there, refusing to move my hand any lower whilst i take in tom’s expression. his eyes are flickering between being fully closed and half-lidded, barely noticeable wrinkles lining his forehead as his eyebrows knit together, lips parted with shaky breaths uttering from them, the cold air fanning onto my face, heavy against his warm kiss.

"fuck- please don't tease." he whispers, resting his forehead against mine and beginning to slowly kiss my lips once again, my body feeling full again as i soon realise how much i missed this feeling. complying with his plea, my hand slips further into his boxers, a choked breath muffling into my mouth as i begin to gently move my hand up and down. he struggles to kiss back, soft moans escaping from his lips and mixing into mine in the most delightful way possible as i pick up the pace.

"oh my god..." he trails off, his voice vibrating into the soft skin below my ear once his head falls just below it, my movements not slowing, the slight whines emitting from his mouth pushing me further, desperate to please him. the fast and sloppy kisses being placed onto my neck soon slow down, giving me the signal that he is close. he clutches onto my waist, his fingers running up and down whilst his legs slightly tremble, his release taking over as he lets out a loud groan, a string of curses following until he slips his boxers off, regaining his composure and climbing fully on top of me.

our faces are inches apart, my ragged breathing echoing my desperation to feel him inside me, because it has been so long since i have experienced the feeling, and it is like no other. his thumb runs along my lips, pulling the bottom one downward slowly and releasing it, before moving his head to the nape of my neck, placing slow and gentle kisses.

"you have no idea what i want to do to you schatz." he mutters against my skin, nipping at it gently, these words alone almost being enough to let go, to lose any remnant of composure i have and allow him to take me right there and then. his calloused hands reach for the large hoodie draped over my frame, pulling it over my head as i am almost completely naked, my underwear being the only barrier between us and exercising those silent promises of our love on the tips of our tongues.

"so perfect." he whispers, caressing my cheek lightly. pressing himself against me, his hand reaches to caress my now exposed breast, kissing and biting at any skin he can get access to, inaudible spews of satisfaction swallowing the silence surrounding us, my hands pushing his head further downwards ever so slightly, savouring the pleasure and wishing it would last forever. he slowly pulls away, maintaining eye contact as he reaches for my panties, swiftly tugging them downward and discarding them somewhere across the room, like the rest of our clothing.

skin to skin, the warm and bare air a mirror to our nakedness, we kiss with such hunger, such desire that our need for each other is palpable, so strong that i swear if i tried, i could feel it. because he is that love, his body living and breathing evidence that this love is real, not something that can only be felt inside, though the fire that his touch ignites within me is one that will burn forever, as long as he vows to supply the heat that is his affection. my hands clutch onto his back, his roaming my waist and pushing our hips into each other, ragged breaths echoing throughout the room as i find myself becoming too impatient. although part of me wants to savour this moment as it is our first special one in over a month, one part of me, the more irrational side, wants him to ruin me, wants him to claim me as his own and do whatever his heart desires. i am his to destroy, because if it means that i can be with him for eternity, then i am willing to do anything.

"tom…i need you." i whisper helplessly against his lips, no longer able to mask my hunger.

he places one final kiss to my lips, stroking my hair gently and positioning himself to my entrance. my eyes squeeze shut in anticipation, relishing this feeling and preparing for the intense pleasure that i have been so empty without.

“then i’m all yours.” he speaks softly, sliding into me slowly before i am able to repeat my desperate plea. because if i tried, i know that my speech would be inaudible, struggling to breathe at the feeling of him filling me up.

unaccustomed to his size, or any dick for the last month, i wince in pain before he is even halfway in, gripping his bicep and giving him the signal to stop. "wait a minute." i state breathlessly, biting down on my lip as he stops his motion, gently stroking my cheek with his palm and awaiting my permission to carry on. feeling him stretch my walls fills the hole within me, once hollow and empty, however the pain takes longer to subside, tom slowly biting and kissing the sensitive skin on my jaw whilst he waits.

"c’mon baby, you can take it." he mumbles against me, the raspiness within his voice vibrating up my spine, motivating me to tune out the pain and allow him to pleasure me. "okay." i whisper, pleasure soon starting to take over as he moves into me, stopping and throwing his head back as he bottoms out, his tip hitting my g-spot perfectly, this being enough for me to cry out, my screams echoing throughout the room, the air thick with passion. his eyes are screwed shut, sweat lining along his forehead, his breathing ragged and uneven, yet he only increases his stamina, picking my leg up and placing it over his shoulder.

the new angle sends me into euphoria, my vision turning white as i can do nothing but scream his name, my fingers raking down his back. he memorises the way he hits my g-spot, doing it over and over again, bringing me closer to my release, yet i can tell he is not there yet, prompting me to hold it so i can share my high with him.

"fuck me..." his voice trails off, his eyebrows furrowing as he savours the pleasure. my legs wrap around his waist, bringing him closer inwards, if that is physically possible. somehow he is still going, not showing any signs of lethargy. he is desperate to meet his release, hips snapping against mine with such intensity, his head buried in the crook of my neck, the incoherent groans escaping from his mouth fanning over the bare skin, sending shivers down my spine.

"tom i'm so close!" i moan, knowing that i will not last much longer. i do not know if it is the absence of sexual intimacy in my life recently, or my intense desire for him, but this time around, my ability to contain myself is long gone.

"i know baby, i know..." he sighs out, the feeling him twitching inside of me silently letting me know that he is almost there too. "just hold it for me." overstimulation soon takes over, the feeling of him moving in and out of me providing me with such overwhelming pleasure that my mouth gapes open, no sound escaping as i am utterly speechless, drunk on the sensation and a complete mess beneath him. i could cry at the feeling, on the verge of tears with each stroke, wondering how this moment is reality, seeming entirely too good to be true.

"okay baby, let go." he breathes out, his voice shaky as it is soon cut off with a choked moan, his load shooting into me as mine soon follows. i swear i can see stars, my eyes not able to stay still, my whole body the same as it trembles uncontrollably, tom’s slow and steady thrusts sending me into oblivion as he rides out our highs, his lips hovering over mine. "oh my god" is all he can say, still inside me, his mouth eventually moulding with mine, the kiss filled with so much energy despite the amount of stamina that was used just seconds before.

i am not done yet, my body feeling like it has just started as i have the motivation to go one thousands times over, addicted to the way he feels. "let me be on top." i mutter against his lips, the pillowy skin battling to try continue kissing me. in one swift motion, he flips us over, moving upwards so that his back is resting against the headboard, his hands placed steadily on my waist whilst i sit on top of him. i waste no time, hovering over him and sliding downwards, letting him fill me up and sighing loudly as i do, tom tightening his hold on me and muttering a slow ‘jesus christ’, his voice low, words as sweet as honey as they sound from the back of his throat.

pressing open mouthed kisses against my jaw, neck, collarbone, anywhere he is able to access, he groans out in pleasure, his hands remaining steadily on my hips whilst i easily maintain my rhythm. with a slight change in the movement of my hips, his tip presses against my g-spot, the friction causing me to cry out, him doing the same as his head falls backwards, eyes squeezing shut, savouring the ecstasy. my hands lay flat against his chest, watching it heave up and down with each unsteady breath he takes, his muscles flexing with each squeeze of my waist, this only encouraging me to go further, the sight of him being pleasured by me almost pushing me to my release alone.

the feeling so good i question whether i have reached heaven itself, though my actions won’t get me anywhere near, my mind wanders how i survived for so long without him, without his dick inside me, without his hands on mine - because right now he is my oxygen, my sole purpose. i can barely catch my breath, my legs shaking uncontrollably whilst my hips circle around his, feeling every inch of him inside of me. my body leans forward, skin to skin, as i bite down on his shoulder, becoming increasingly tired, however i am so desperate for my release that i continue my slow and lethargic movements.

tom is quick to pick up on my change in speed, grabbing my hips once again and angling himself correctly, before thrusting into me from below, the sudden pressure causing a throaty moan to escape from my swollen lips.

"fuck…missed this, missed you so much baby." he mutters, his whole body tensing for a second whilst he begins to twitch inside of me.

"i’m close." he groans, meeting my lips in a sloppy kiss before i can respond. i don’t even bother trying to hold it, instead allowing my release to take over me, my vision turning white as i cling onto tom’s shoulders, my head buried in the crook of his neck, crying out in pleasure as it is so intense i almost feel myself slip away. his release soon follows, mouth gaping open, eyebrows furrowing and sweat glistening his chiselled frame, outlining his muscle in the most attractive way possible. he still strokes in and out of me slowly, his hands wrapped around my small frame, no space between us. my breathing ragged, hair a mess and body trembling, i pull away from his shoulder to look into his eyes, pressing my forehead against his as i can do nothing but admire him.

“shit- i love you so much." he manages to breathe out, moving a few stray hairs from my face and planting a last kiss on my forehead, slowly pulling out of me, the loss of contact making me whine slightly as i cling onto him, afraid of losing him ever again.

"i love you too." i respond, certainty uttering from every word as i find myself more in love with him, the best sex we have ever had replaying over and over again in my memory, our naked bodies pressed together.

"i promise you, i never slept with anyone else. i never even kissed another girl. i couldn't, it wouldn't have been right, not when you were the only person on my mind." he speaks slowly yet firmly after a few seconds of peaceful silence, pulling my body further onto his as he rests his forehead against mine, stroking my hair gently.

i move my head upwards, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "why not? there's so many girls that you could've had. what was stopping you?" i ask, lacing my hand with his and beginning to play with his fingers, the skin soft and smooth.

"the fact that they weren't you." he responds, gently lifting my chin upwards with his pointer finger, tenderly running his thumb along my cheek. "i never got over you. i hope you know that."

deciding that actions speak louder than words in this instance, i place my lips on his, sealing our love with a sweet kiss as he instantly kisses back, laying downwards flat against the bed whilst i am still on top of him. i slowly pull away, my entire body aching, eyes fluttering shut as a tired yawn escapes from my mouth. tom reaches over to turn the lamp off, laying down beside me and opening his arms out, my head resting on his chest, his thumb running comfortingly up and down my arm. "goodnight meine liebe." he whispers, my throat sore from our rendezvous, so i place a quick kiss on his chest in response, my eyes falling shut as sleep takes me. our legs entangled, bodies together, heartbeats aligned, i feel him now more than ever. not just physically, but i feel him mentally, spiritually, our mind and being merged together as one.

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

[lowkeyrobin]

hello! can i please request hcs with quackity about being in a long distance relationship with him?

yes omg!! thanks for the request! ; I tried, I tried not that great

QUACKITY ; long distance relationship

summary ; you and quackity are online daters /j

warnings ; language

genre ; fluff

word count ; 686

y/s/n = your ship name

masterlist

you met at Twitch Rivals

you're both content creators which is obviously how you met

you guys bonded over shared interactions and the games you'd both lost

you got along so great that you exchanged information and decided you should stream together sometime

a couple weeks later you were invited to a jackbox stream with him, fundy, tommy, tubbo, bbh, and niki

shit went crazy

"Y/u/n, is there anything you'd like me to call you before we start? Like nickname or just y/u/n?" Niki asks

You graciously answer her, letting her know your name and proffered pronouns. Tommy makes a little, very lighthearted joke before pointing out someone in chat already making you and Niki and you and Alex ship names.

"Oh God, they've got us" You chuckle. "They're both mine, chat"

"AYO? SINCE WHEN?" Alex shouts

Niki giggles, covering her mouth.

"Since now" You shrug

you decided to try dating during the second north carolina meetup

you both had some fuzzy feelings about each other and mutually agreed on 'well hey, we like each other, why not try it out?'

being near the beach and with all your friends made it like a dream

but after two weeks, you had to go home

but you left your relationship untitled for now

Streaming together continued as per usual. So did long talks and phone calls, and hours spent playing video games (mostly Minecraft) together.

the next trip was to LA to visit Alex this time

you guys had your first kiss on his balcony overlooking the city

the way he giggled after omg

during that trip, you established your relationship and started to go on every day dates and stuff

but then you had to go home again

Honestly, both of you didn't really think about what to do with your relationship once you went home. You were taking it all in while you had it and weren't thinking about the very true reality of it all.

you thought talking was constant? it is now

sometimes both of you will just stay up late and rant about what you like about each other and corny shit

youre the one to softlaunch the relationship to fans

you probably guessed the password to his twitter/instagram and changed his bio to "y/u/n's bf 💯💯"

he didnt even know until people were flooding his dms and people on tik tok were talking about it

hed already said he was okay with telling people as long as you were tho

sends you pictures of flower bouquets once a week with some thought out, very loving paragraph or poem

he constantly complains about not being able to kiss or cuddle you

"y/n/n why are you so far away!?"

"i told you id be able to pay for you to live with me"

"UGHHHHHHHHH"

sends you good morning/goodnight texts and talks about what you'd be doing that day if you were together

cheesy little man

always spamming you w pics of Tiger

will religiously send you memes and blow up your phone if you're busy or ignoring him

yk the relationship is srs when even your qsmp characters are in love

the lore.

half of its heartbreaking angst and the other half is literally your bucket lists/daydreams of the future of your relationship

hes so down bad for you

will do anything to make you smile or make you flustered

will make the most suggestive jokes in front of friends, stay silent for a second or two and yell "im joking, im joking!"

orders you doordash/uber eats when you're doing subathons or generally long streams

will always join through vc/greenscreen when youre doing cooking streams

you'll do greenscreen dates (like the fiances stream) once a month and gossip over takeout LMAO

genuinely asks his fanartists to make ship art of you two because he loves seeing all the ideas and cute shit

they always draw you with one of his beanies or hats on, the occasional necklace

you reblog tumblr y/s/n fanart 24/7/365

karaoke streams are a must

you guys rank those "songs that all white people love" videos and rate the songs

dare or hot wing streams when youre literally anywhere but near each other>>

also playing just dance using vc and stream green screen>>>

[simplydnp]

Hii as a passive fan looking in from sidelines, I read something along the lines that Dan and Phil did come out like few weeks apart but they haven’t confirmed or denied that they are in a relationship? I am confused as what is the official narrative from their side, can you clear this for me please.

I have no doubt of them being together just confused about official timeline, xx

dan and phil are embracing the ambiguity that is brought to them under the 'we know you know' mindset

you're correct in that they came out a few weeks apart (though, phil kind of did in his tweet supporting dan on the day dan came out)

it's funny you ask this, as we do have a recent answer to a reporter about their relationship:

this is the first time they've really been asked this since coming out, but it's important to note the context here: they're talking to a new zealand reporter, about their tour. to me, it reads as an aggressive fuck off signal to the media. ie, this topic is off-limits. so 'officially' their stance is that their lives are private.

unofficially? there's a year's worth of dapg videos that carry heavy implications. it's a lot of reading between the lines, it's a lot of interpreting jokes, it's a lot of paying attention to things both Said and not said. from explicit sex jokes to earnest moments to even specific games they've played, it's easy for an audience to pick up the clues because we're looking for them--cause dan and phil tend to put them there for us. it is important to note that there has been a significant change in tone of the gaming videos from the past vs the gaming videos now. while the language and the types of jokes have changed, so has the dynamic--in the best way possible. they're much more free and relaxed on camera now, both an intentional choice and the result of being out for 5 years.

they've got a mortgage together, alright?

in terms of them not directly commenting on it--at least at this point, it just makes things easier. they aren't usually on tour so reporters aren't usually asking them these questions, but even beyond that, they're incredibly internet famous. even they themselves were surprised about quote "how many people were horny for dan and phil in 2024". and sure, it isn't the same numbers as pre-hiatus, but there's definitely still a lot of people here. so while we champion for a hard-launch (since they keep moving closer) we also know that it's bigger than just saying it. it would be everywhere. everyone would have something to say. and then it's not about the content anymore, it's the relationship (though, one would argue their chemistry makes the content, but i would say their connection adds to it, but isn't the commodity they specifically sell)

in terms of the timeline in particular, we're days away from 15 years of dan and phil, in that they filmed and posted pinof 1 in 2009 at the end of this week. they've never intentionally specified any other anniversary, so we don't know (though we have suspicions), but it's unlikely it took That long to get there. coming out was the next Biggest step, one could argue, and you're right about the timeline of weeks between videos. what i reckon that's important to note is that dan 'appeared' in a phil video surprisingly soon after june, despite not having made any other videos since christmas of the year before. even though it was just his voice, it was enough. there were 4 ish years of limited joint content between them, but it did happen (mostly stories and podcast style things), up until the return of dapg last october. since then, there's been regular dapg uploads (crazy phrase) and dan's either been directly in or mentioned in every single amazingphil video since the return. it depends how much you think implications and indirect phrasing are evidence/signifiers, but there's been a Lot that's come out of gaming videos in particular that Mean Things to the fans, but aren't something able to be captured by the media and ran with (though, one article did see the 'dan and phil are getting divorced' title and reported on it as if it were true, despite it just being an 'it takes two' video)

[kanmom51]

Moment of clarity (?)

Just sitting here watching Jikook song edits, cause I'm missing the hell out of those two, and couldn't help but think how stupid and futile all the accusations and claims and ensuing discussions about one's reaction to the other, or one's behaviour to the other or any kind of interaction they had that didn't suit what fans (usually solos on either side of the picture) expected of them. You know what I mean. All those judgy claims and comments about how JK reacts or treats JM and vise versa, same about JM 'forcing' himself on JK or the likes of that.

How dumb those people look (and should feel as well if they only had a sliver of common sense) right now.

Inserting themselves into a relationship (whatever form it may have had) to know what these two people were all about, their interactions, their reactions towards each other, without truly knowing them, without seeing anything but a few recorded seconds (all while ignoring not only many other recorded moments but also what they themselves say about each other and to each other).

But you see, this isn't something new to me, and I did address it when answering mostly annoying asks (something I haven't been doing for some time now seeing just how futile it is - you cannot convince the inconvincible).

No.

The reason I had this specific moment of clarity while watching them was because things have changed.

Well, changed since those two have made it as clear as can be that they want and need each other's proximity.

That they will do whatever it takes to not only enlist at the same time, but to do so together. To spend their entire service together. 24/7. Together. Knowing EXACTLY what and how it looks like. Knowing EXACTLY what people (so many of them) will think, even if some will not say it out loud or spell it out. No other member did this with another, and neither of them did it with any other member, how ever close we know them to be. Because no one is closer to them than they are to each other!!

And why don't we add to that, them going on a trip together just before enlistment, to Japan, you know, that same destination they went to back in November 2017. The same trip they both could not stop telling us about.

Yeah, I know there's a travel show coming (which we have no clue what will look like - if vlog-like or actual Bon Voyage style or something in between), and most of what they do could be explained away (and that's the point, they are clever that way), but let's be real here for a sec. The show, it's a very clever way to kill two birds with one stone. Literally. Getting to travel together before enlistment (I can assure you that 90% of what they got up to we will not be seeing, and they travelled first and utmost because they wanted to travel and do it together, and anyone who claims otherwise, that this was forced in some way on one or both of them is an idiot, well they probably also believe that they enlisted together against their wills) all while under the guise of doing it for work, and at the same time creating content to be released while they are away. It's a win win, or like I said, two birds one stone.

So yeah, their travelling will be in a show, but they travelled together because they wanted to travel together and not because there was content to be made. Content being the bi product of their genius idea of guising their trip as work...

Bottom line, point I wanted to make here with all of this is that those dissecting every single moment between them miss the whole picture. It's not about this moment or another. It's about what they bring together as a big picture, one that they have been telling us and showing us for years now. And if we didn't see or hear it before, well they made sure we would now.

Because being together during these 18 months was more important to them than hiding who they are and what they mean to each other.

Fuck the consequences (and fuck the haters too - JM literally said it in SMF pt. 2)...