#and then the Depression With Psychotic Features hit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whumpfish · 7 months ago

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I also features psychosis, whereas II doesn't. (My diagnosis was changed from II to I after my first psychotic episode, and it was explained to me by doctors that this was the distinction, but this was in 2000 and obviously shit's evolved since.)

My first psychotic episode happened at 16. I was in the shower and I heard muffled voices and assumed my aunt and uncle had come to visit and were talking to my mom. Then I started listening to what was being said, and realized that I was hearing my thoughts on the outside instead of inside. This scared the absolute shit out of me, and I got out of the shower shaking and freaking out, and when we went to my psychiatrist the next day, my diagnosis was changed to I and I was put on seroquel, which I still take today.

I should have been hospitalized at least 1 night after this for observation, but my first serious shrink was godawful at her job and didn't send me in. My mom had to take care of the observation stage, which is insane.

Because I received no immediate guidance in the wake of my first psychotic episode, I spent the next couple decades of my life fucking terrified that I might suffer auditory hallucinations again. I did suffer tactile hallucinations, and I tell you what, now that the auditories have started up again as my overall health tanked because of my ME/CFS... they're so much less of a problem than the tactile ones.

It's annoying to have to ask my mom if she left her alarm radio on or if there is in fact a loud party happening next door, but given my raging entomophobia, so much better than feeling bugs crawling on me. A quick but inconvenient double check beats the hell out of laying awake slapping invisible insects til 5 in the morning.

Seroquel can have some weird side effects, and one of them is temperature dysregulation. I am basically a reptile, if I get hot, I cannot cool down unless I drink a ton of water and go in the bathroom to take my clothes off for a sec; if I get cold, I stay freezing until I can run my extremities under hot water. Not the worst thing that could happen, but super inconvenient. Because of this, my current doctor has me on a sliding scale with the dosage. Rather than staying 500mg all year, I'm on 300 during my baseline months and increase by 100mg increments as the noise increases during my cycles, which makes me less of a reptile whenever possible.

If there's one thing I could tell someone going through the first presentation of I, it would be that hallucinations are ultimately a nuisance. They don't mean that you're going to turn violent, or hurt people, or lose your overall grip on reality. They don't make you less human. They don't make you scary or dangerous or bad.

It's an impairment, like any physical one would be. If it's acceptable for a blind person to ask a friend to read a menu for them, or for a deaf or HoH person to need closed captions, it's all right for you to ask someone you trust if they hear that noise too.

I would also mention that the predisposition to shopping addiction is no joke. I thought I would never become addicted to anything because my meds prevent me from engaging in recreational drugs/excessive alcohol use, but the manic overspending ("Wheeee! All the fun things!") and depressive overspending ("Life sucks, I need this fun thing to cheer me up. And that fun thing. And that fun thing. And that fun thing. And...") is an actual addiction, and can be as ruinous as alcohol if you don't keep a close eye on it. The hack I have developed for myself might not work for everyone, but I figure it's worth sharing: when I get the Urge, I go on Amazon or etsy or Alice's, anywhere with a save for later button, put everything I like in my cart, and one by one save it all for later--but because I hit "checkout," my brain thinks I bought it, and it will shut the fuck up about Needing Something New for a while.

Hello there!

When you have the spoons, could you give me a beginners guide to bipolar and what the differences are between types 1 & 2? Dont worry, Im not holding you to some scientific or doctorate level of information. More like... what are things you wish you knew or understood about the diagnoses sooner?

Hi! Ok I hope it's ok if this will be long...

For context I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder 7 times by different psychiatrists/hospitals, the most recent one changing it to schizoaffective bipolar. What I'll say is my own experience (an experience that is also shared by others I know)

I don't know what I would say as a beginners guide... I guess it's important to start by knowing bipolar isn't being sad sometimes and happy sometimes. Bipolar is a pattern of alternating between 2 mood states: depression and mania (or hypomania) each state encapsulating a host of symptoms.

As far as type 1 vs type 2... The difference between the two lies in the mania. Bipolar 2 has hypomania and Bipolar 1 has mania. Both have depression. the depression in both types can be severe and the severity of the depression does not indicate type 1 or 2.

Hypomania is a less impairing version of mania, but it still has a specific set of symptoms and criteria that make it different from just a "good mood". Both hypomania and mania are abnormal states.

Mania is going to be disruptive, impairs functioning, usually causes damage, and can often lead to hospitalization. It's not uncommon for mania to have psychosis with it.

They can both have increased energy and restlessness, racing thoughts, distractibility, pressured speech, grandiosity, feeling overly energetic despite a couple hours or no sleep, irritability, and aggression.

But the easiest way for me to explain is to re-create the scenario.

Hypomania: Getting 1 hour of sleep and still feeling energized, wanting to be active at all hours. Going on a $300 shopping trip I can't really afford. Feeling like everything is brighter, music is alive, and I'm the best artist. Getting kinda snippy. Cleaning the whole house and volunteering to clean other people's houses.

Mania: zero sleep for 48 or 72 hours at a time, not being able to stop moving, feeling on fire and as if I might explode if I ever stop. Spending thousands a.k.a. my entire savings on odd things like duplicates of the same items. Scratching myself bloody because my skin hurts, crying and laughing at the same time. I start tasks and abandon them as soon as I start, leaving a mess. Music becomes an obsession, the lyrics are speaking to me and telling me to do things. Everyone is mocking me. Anger outbursts, violent at times, including road rage incidents.

Both of these end abruptly and plummet into severe depression.

I don't know what I wish I knew... I guess I wish I knew how hard it would be to manage it. Having to keep everything in my life stable in order to keep myself stable. I thought if I just had the right pill I'd go back to "normal".

I also wish I'd known if you have mania you can't "pump the brakes". I kept trying to trigger hypomania in myself thinking I could accomplish so much. But in reality I would hit mania and accomplish nothing. I just spin my wheels, become a volcano, and everything falls apart. I still fall for it sometimes though.

I hope that's somewhat helpful.

#mental illness #bipolar disorder #bipolar i #reference post #psychosis #whump reference #pls send me any questions about psychosis reality vs. fiction #i will happily explain

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silenthillmutual · 4 years ago

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artemy - ptsd. canonical insomnia and intrusive thoughts. also adhd and probably consumes so much fucking caffeine to deal with it. struggles w ocd symptoms after the plague but it’s hard to determine if that’s it’s own separate diagnosis or if it’s the ptsd at work.

daniil - autistic + bipolar i. spends the entirety of the game rapidcycling or having a mixed episode. canonically anxious (panic disorder?). develops ocd after the plague.

clara - bpd and ocd. she is trying so hard to keep her shit together but she’s at that age where all of her mental health disorders just hit at once so she is just barely hanging on but she’s doing so well and i’m proud of her.

rubin - double depression and intense ocd. does not even try to control his compulsions and cannot keep himself from spiralling at every given opportunity.

lara - pervasive depressive disorder. has been struggling with depression for so long she no longer remembers what feeling normal is like. gets worse with the seasons. tries to work around it by keeping herself busy. obsessive-compulsive disorder, but it’s mild.

bad grief - some sort of unspecified disorder and refuses to get diagnosed. probable anxiety disorder.

andrey - bpd and bipolar i. biggest symptom is mania and doesn’t experience depression nearly as much as his brother does.

peter - bipolar ii w psychotic features. self-medicates. hassuch horrible coping skills that he develops agoraphobia post-plague.

yulia - ocd babey!!! she thinks she has a control over it. but guess what? she does not.

#icarus.txt

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xx-hail2theking-xx · 3 years ago

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- ABOUT -

This is an askblog for Paimak, the self-proclaimed King of Demons, an original character made by @thegreatyin (mun of this blog). Any and all ask and submission responses, unless specified by the person asking, will be answered in-character. Actions have consequences.

Paimak owns this blog, at least in-universe. If you send an ask that describes hitting him with a muffin, that muffin will not be sent through. It is as though the character is their own mun, and runs their blog as if it were actually their own. OOC asks will be tagged with "OOC", and in-character asks will be tagged with the character in question.

The readmore section on this post will contain spoilers for the blog in its entirety.

You can read from the start of the blog here*, and it's recommended you do so! A detailed list of the content warnings on this blog can be found just below the cut. Alternatively, click here to get kin-assigned a blog character (spoilers ahead!)

Good luck.

*does not work on mobile.

- CONTENT WARNINGS -

This blog contains regular discussions and mentions of cannibalism, murder, and other general demon tomfoolery. There are multiple references to and explicit discussions about an in-universe cult run by a very prominent character, who's members and effects on everyone around it are shown in explicit detail. Alongside this, there are various mentions of and allusions to mental health issues including anxiety, PTSD, delusions of grandeur/commands from a higher power, psychotic episodes and breaks, depression, suicidal tendencies/thoughts/behavior, self harm, body dysphoria, and various similar topics. Abusive parenting such as physical, emotional, and psychological abuse is also an overarching theme, alongside a very explicit portrayal of the aftermath of extreme parental neglect. Sexual abuse of any kind will never be featured in any capacity on this blog.

All of the above warnings are conveyed entirely through text, as that is the medium this blog runs on. Despite this, there have been two on-screen depictions of blood, both drawn by the author themself, and there likely will be a handful more in the future. Any and all images on this blog are drawn in a non-realistic style, meaning that no real-world images of blood and/or gore will ever be used.

- CHARACTER LIST -

Paimak

A cannibalistic "living star" demon thriving in space alongside a not-so-small colony of his own making. He is the subject and host of this blog. His tag is #the firstborn. His pronouns are He/Him.

He likes food, mortal emoticons, Pokemon, the thrill of the hunt, his husband, and starlight. He dislikes gods, worship, seafood, and eating other demons.

He is currently besties with askers!

~ × ~

Valefar

Paimak's husband, and the head Duke to Paimak's King. He lives to serve whoever and whatever commands him. His tag is #your obedient servant. His pronouns are He/Him.

He likes his husband, elegance, writing, and dedication to a task or goal. He dislikes prying questions, angels, and being alone/abandoned.

He is currently besties with askers!

~ × ~

Phenex

A Marquis serving under Paimak who seems to have a chronic disrespect of authority. Her tag is #the lonely bard. His pronouns are She/He.

His likes are unknown. Her dislikes are unknown.

He is currently ??? towards askers.

~ × ~

Imp and Devil

A pair of respective orphan Marquis and Monarch. They latched onto Phenex while the court was migrating, and seem to have adopted her as their own. Their respective tags are #BABY TWO and #HOLY SHIT BABY THREE. Imp uses They/Them pronouns, while Devil uses She/Her pronouns.

~ × ~

Raum

One of Phenex's friends. All other information is unavailable. Their tag is #what if we lost our minds. Fi uses any pronouns, but defaults to/prefers Fi/Fir.

Fi love everything. Fi dislike nothing.

Fi are currently besties with askers!

~ × ~

Ose

One of Phenex's friends, and Raum's best friend. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Lucifer

Another Monarch serving under Paimak... at least until Paimak vanished, and he seized command of the court. Unfortunately for everyone, he happens to be a narcissistic asshole... or is he? His tag is #apple of your eye. His pronouns are He/Him.

He likes Duke Armaros, being given attention, being given affection, being praised, just generally being worshipped by everyone around him, and bothering the lower ranks of his court. He dislikes King Abaddon, loud noises, screaming, blood, being alone, the cold, and leaving the sanctuary of his court.

He is currently besties with askers!

~ × ~

Armaros

Lucifer's chosen Duke, and the man currently married to Lucifer and Phenex. His throat was slashed out an unknown amount of time ago, leaving him unable to speak aloud. Unfortunately, this does nothing to shut him up. His tag is #whispers of victory. His pronouns are He/Him.

His likes maining imposter in Among Us. He dislikes askers, Monarchs, and cowardice.

He is currently afraid of askers.

~ × ~

Orobas

A Monarch serving under King Paimak, completely out of the loop of everything else. They seem open to conversation, even if they are a little... strange. Their tag is #an ever-turning wheel. He uses any pronouns.

Her likes are unknown. His dislikes are unknown.

He is currently friendly towards askers.

~ × ~

Abaddon

A shambling corpse, now reanimated. Or, more accurately, a Monarch-rank demon that exclusively preys on his own kind, and proudly leads a court that does the same. Cruel, conniving, and an all-around terrifying man to be in the presence of... but does he know some of the demons in Paimak's court? His tag is #death's harbinger. He uses any pronouns.

Her likes are unknown. Their dislikes are unknown.

He is currently amused by askers.

~ × ~

Azazel

A Baron of King Abaddon's court. Nothing more, nothing less. Their tag is #don't you have anything better to do. He uses They/Them or He/Him pronouns.

His likes are unknown. His dislikes are unknown.

He is currently wary of askers.

~ × ~

Michael

A rare hybrid between angel and demon- more specifically, a Seraph and a Knight. Her court will eat anything and everything that stands in their way. Also, she's Phenex's ex. Her tag is #cotton candy deception. She uses She/Her pronouns.

Her likes are unknown. She dislikes King Abaddon, Monarchs, and anything holding her back.

She is currently friendly towards askers.

~ × ~

"Little Bird", aka Reguel, aka Asmodeus

Also known as The Authority. Paimak's "rival", a Seraph that's eternally bonded to him via a demonic deal of some sort. Despite this, they famously don't get along with Paimak. Is officially named Reguel, but currently goes by Asmodeus. Their tag is #it's a porcelain tomb. Their pronouns are They/Them.

They like attention, praise, love, certain intimate interactions with other people on a casual basis, fledgelings, being called a princess, their wife, and their wife killing and maiming as ve please (especially if ve kill and maim them). They dislike rule breaking, touching the ground, and being reminded of Setponap.

They are currently besties with askers!

~ × ~

Ophiel, aka Lilith

Also known as The Judge. Reguel's adoring wife, and Rasael's other parent. Ve seem to care about nothing but vir mate and their happiness. Is officially named Ophiel, but currently goes by Lilith. Vir tag is #blood in the water. Vir pronouns are Ve/Vir.

Ve like The Authority, Opportunel, and Rasael. Ve dislike literally everything and everyone else.

Ve are currently neutral towards askers.

~ × ~

Rasael

Baby? Baby?? Baby???

Baby.

Der tag is #BABY BABY BABY!!!. De use De/Der pronouns.

~ × ~

Opportunel, aka Oppy

A teenage (30 years old) Throne. Mute, uses sign language and writing to communicate. Very loud all day every day. Their tag is #void and life. They use any pronouns.

They like candy, askers, and their family. Their dislikes are unknown.

They are currently besties with askers!

~ × ~

"The Watcher", aka Saitel

Reguel's... friend? A very old and very tired Throne. Mute, uses sign language and writing to communicate. Usually very quiet, used to sitting and staring. Their tag is #on ebony wings. They use They/Them pronouns.

They like askers, quiet evenings, drawing, and the simpler things in life. They dislike Setponap.

They are currently friendly towards askers!

~ × ~

"The Archivist", aka Cephel

~ × ~

An original angel- one created by Setponap's own hand- that has been serving under The Authority for over a million years. They seem to have a close relationship with Saitel. Their tag is #through stained glass. They use They/Them pronouns.

Their likes are unknown. Their dislikes are unknown.

They are currently friendly towards askers!

Hubel

Another Seraphim residing in The Above. Kind of a pathetic bastard idiot. Very full of silvself. Has a huge crush on The Authority. Silv tag is #in the shadow of your heart. Silv use Sil/Silv pronouns.

Silv like The Authority. Silv dislike The Judge, askers, demons, and Zubenel.

Silv currently despise askers.

~ × ~

Zubenel

Another Seraphim residing in The Above. Cruel, manic, and all-around dangerous, hy enjoy spending hy's days torturing those hy considers "lesser" in the name of what hy love to refer to as "science." Hy's tag is #again with different results. Hy use Hy/Hym pronouns.

Hyr like stupid questions, pursuing science, tormenting hy's fellow angels, and generally being a huge jerk. Hy's dislikes are unknown.

Hy currently dislike askers.

~ × ~

"The Second Authority", aka Cassioel

A Seraph that took over leading The Above after Reguel vanished. She seems... nervous, but maybe she has a good heart? Her tag is #praise be to the queen. She uses She/Her pronouns.

Her likes are unknown. She dislikes demons.

She is currently neutral towards askers.

~ × ~

Jupel

One of Reguel's former friends. Has a dog named Tequila. Sheir tag is #their last stand. Shey use Shey/Sheir pronouns.

Sheir likes are unknown. Sheir dislikes are unknown.

Shey are currently friendly towards askers.

~ × ~

"Ghost", aka Haniel

Jupel's friendly neighborhood crewmate, a shy Cherub who usually roams around as a giant invisible spider. So, normal Cherub business, really. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

"The Disgrace", aka "The Mad Seraph"

A fallen Seraph, now infamous in The Above for corrupting a planet. Also known as The Mad Seraph. Bit Reguel once. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Urael

One of Reguel's former friends, and Jupel's close frenemy. Is canonically a grandpa, but this will literally never be important. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Neptel

One of Reguel's former friends, and Jupel's close friend. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Maifar

Paimak's pet Combusken, which he treats like a starlet of his very own. Yes, like the actual Pokemon species. He isn't actually an interactive character, he's just here for completion's sake.

~ × ~

Lizzy

Paimak's beloved pet iguana, currently in the care and safekeeping of Jupel. She isn't actually an interactive character, she's just here for completion's sake.

~ × ~

Tequila

Jupel's pet golden retriever, and objectively the most powerful creature here. Again, he's not actually a character, he's only here for completion's sake.

~ × ~

Sapoa

The God of Love and Madness. The child of Setponap, Santanak, and Sonaka. The childhood friend of Paimak. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Sonorch

The God of Time and Peace. The relative of Santanak. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Sabael

The God of Destruction and Blood. Does not have a good relationship with Paimak. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Santanak

The God of Death and the Afterlife. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Sonaka

The God of Creation and Life. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

Setponap

The God of Fascination and Void. Formerly feverishly worshipped by The Authority. All other information is unknown.

~ × ~

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???

An unknown God, now lost to memory. Sapoa seems to know who they are- but fi aren't speaking on the subject.

#info #ooc #worldbuilding

4 notes · View notes

cheswirls · 4 years ago

Text

we come from the ashes (we leave under fire)

aight so now that im fully immersed in psycho pass again its time to drop the different routes of the sa psycho pass au. i think sabo and ace are just enough complex characters with different drives that they could fit into multiple roles in a pp au, so this is jus a fraction based on whats spoken to me. also, theres like, a touch of popular fanon characterization here and there but instead of far-off fanon its could-be-implied-from-canon fanon. regardless this is entirely to my taste.

also these aren’t full scenarios so some of them will cut off at odd moments!! they arent intended to be like outlines, jus my rambling thoughts. ill put a read more under the first one, theres 4 in total rn

route 1: e!sabo (former i) and i!ace [i: ace, lami | e: sabo, law, rayleigh, monet] -sabo is an inspector before ace at a young age (before turning 20) -sabo ends up being a well-rounded member of the team and soon becomes crucial to the overall success of missions -something happens that forces sabo’s hue to take a nosedive, and every little upset pushes him deeper, until his crime coefficient is so high the bureau is forced to remove him from the line of duty -knowing sabo’s innate prowess for the job, he’s placed in protective custody and forced to undergo mental therapy; however, this has the opposite effect, spiking his crime coefficient to almost unseen numbers (600+) -he spends three months in custody under observation, but as the number fails to drop, two key things are observed: 1, sabo is eerily calm for the most part, remaining near emotionless on the outside as a result of a coping mechanism learned through the attempted therapy, and for the most part functions like normal, aside from his absent personality; 2, the most part is there because sabo has brief psychotic breaks, most lasting mere minutes, but the recoil has him down and out of it for almost a full day, like someone with intense manic depression after an episode -knowing they can’t afford to lose a talent like sabo, and understanding the risks, the bureau brings him back under their care as a latent enforcer; aside from his shift in personality, and his lack of authority, sabo enters back into the life he had known before his crime coefficient skyrocketed -enter ace, three years after sabo’s reinstatement -ace and sabo are relatively close in age, but unlike sabo who joined the bureau of public safety immediately upon graduation, ace has a few years more of life experience under his belt before becoming an inspector -no one knows his ambitions or motives, and ace is careful not to let it slip, that he’s striving to uncover the situation that led up to his little brother losing his life -on ace’s first case, lami pulls him aside to say she was taking law, and wanted him to handle sabo and circle around; she warns ace not to let sabo overstep, because the power went to his head; ace asks ‘what are you trying to say?’ and lami tells him if he loosened sabo’s leash, the chain would snap off -sabo and ace, despite being in each other’s care, don’t mesh well together at first; sabo is intent to do things his own way, and is constantly berating ace for doing what he thinks is a second-rate job; the last thing ace wants is a latent criminal constantly correcting his choices and challenging his authority, but he just can’t seem to win with sabo -the first time ace witnesses one of sabo’s attacks is the same night he breaks from lami’s advice, letting sabo separate from him and monet to box in their suspect, monet makes a noise of disapproval when she sees sabo moving away, but when ace asks why, she only eyes him critically and says he’d already made his choice -they continue forward when lami contacts them through the comms, noting their target dot had stopped on the map and asking if ace had them in custody yet; ace admits he and monet were still on their way, so it was probably sabo, and lami cuts him off with a ‘sabo is alone??’ -shit, lami says, and orders him to get a move on, and to remember that they needed this one alive to link the motive to a previous case; her and the two enforcers with her would meet them there, already heading to the fixed location -it’s a frenzy to race to their destination, and ace notices along the way that his baton was missing from his person; monet mentions sabo must have taken it without his knowing, and ace opens his mouth to deny it, but he doesn’t get the chance to when they come out in an open area and find sabo burying the stolen baton into their culprit’s stomach -it’s clear that sabo had taken his time in brutalizing the person already, an when ace shouts over, asking what he was doing, mentions that sibyl’s judgement wouldn’t be enough, so he was doing it his way; ace immediately has problems with this, but him and monet are on an incline, a wide space still separating them from sabo, and his options are limited to pointing his dominator when it’s clear sabo has no intention of stopping, and hoping for the best -except, the best doesn’t happen, because sibyl scans sabo’s crime coefficient at way over 500 and still rising, and before ace’s eyes transforms into a lethal eliminator; sabo looks up, as if sensing this, and freezes as he’s met with the sight, with the dominator trained on him; it’s enough for the person under him to start squirming to get free, and ace doesn’t want to kill sabo, that wasn’t his intention by any means, but it wasn’t like there was a safety feature on dominators, so there was nothing he could do -but he could, because there was still a trigger, and as their suspect claws their way halfway out from underneath sabo, ace makes a decision, quickly pointing the dominator down as he fires, so that it hits their target instead of the enforcer; the person combusts, sabo drops his makeshift weapon and collapses to his knees, and ace’s dominator reverts to its usual state without a target to lock on -sabo still looks haunted, and its worse now that he’s absolutely covered in blood; he starts gasping for breath, curling his arms around his stained suit jacket, and falls completely as his legs give out; his hands shoot out to catch himself, but they keep slipping on all the blood on the ground, and at that moment ace doesn’t see a latent criminal, he sees someone his age looking utterly terrified, so he holsters his dominator and makes to move to help -but monet holds him back with an arm over his chest, watching sabo with a stern expression; ace looks at her incredulously and she tells him to wait in a stern tone, holstering her own dominator to activate her comm and alert lami -sabo’s panic attack has dissolved from breathing at this point, and he’s crying hysterically, one hand clenched in his hair; ace stands still and watches as lami’s group appears on the same platform, level with sabo, and take in the situation very quickly; monet releases him but he doesn’t move forward, and down below, lami ushers for law to stand in front of sabo, holding her dominator level with his chest -the read on the enforcer forces the dominator into paralyzer mode, and law sidesteps just as lami fires, ‘its time to sleep now’, so that it hits sabo instead, cutting off his hysterics as he sags fully to the messy ground -ace realizes then that there was a trick in the system, because when she had pulled off was not unlike what he had just done with his own dominator, delivering the judgement to a different target than the one scanned; lami later admits she’d learned it from the chief inspector upon insistence of the bureau head, for situations like these, because still in moments when it seemed like sabo was too far gone, the public safety bureau still considered him and asset they couldn’t afford to lose -ace isn’t suspended for his actions, but reiju makes it very clear he was on thin ice, and he and lami aren’t on speaking terms just yet; in the lull between cases, with their only lead splattered all over a back alley, ace opts to visit sabo in medical; he had a peculiar situation, the medic ward tells him, sabo up and about around 18 hours after being paralyzed, a little longer than usual, but not behaving like it by any means; sometimes he would fall unconscious, other times he was awake but completely listless, his eyes open but unseeing, his head refusing to rise off the pillows; the ward admits the enforcer would be like this for another half day, maybe longer, though his crime coefficient had dropped down by almost 150 points; when ace asks what that made it now, its with a chuckle he’s told sabo’s range is still exceedingly high, almost at 600 -ace keeps coming back, viewing sabo from behind the glass, until he starts to regain some function; when he responds to a question while having his iv changed, ace convinces the ward to let him take sabo the tea they were bringing in; sabo eyes him critically when he walks in, but ends up thanking ace when he reaches out to take the steaming mug; ace settles into the stool beside the medical cot and sabo lets him be, not questioning his presence, not until ace starts asking questions -but sabo’s anger at being asked why quickly dissipates, his body not able to keep up with the intense emotion, and he shrugs in lieu of an answer, drinks his tea; but ace isn’t leaving, and after a while and an empty mug, sabo admits he was trying to get their suspect’s crime coefficient to rise above 300, because he didn’t like the idea of bringing them in and locking them in a cell when there was a slim chance they could recover, after what they had done -ace is horrified by this, and it must show on his face, because sabo shrugs; that’s just how he is sometimes, he admits; his mind falls into a black pit, and he can’t escape, and when it’s finally over it takes forever to feel like himself again -ace admits lami had it out for him because he killed their suspect, and the laugh sabo produces in response is gruff; she’ll get over it, he says, she’s always like that, he says, she’s not a hard person to piss off, he says; ace asks suddenly why their relationship was so tense, and sabo shrugs, saying him and lami used to be tight, but then he became like this, and she no longer thought society had a use for him

route 4: e!sabo and e!ace (both former i) [i: ace, sabo | e: katakuri, kuzan, shinobu, rebecca] -this is the one i think would be the most fun, but ultimately wouldn’t advance anywhere, with both being latent criminals and being bound by what the position entailed -in this case ace, whose own emotions had always fluctuated and took a toll on his higher-than-average crime coefficient, falls first, driven to near despair when sabo is almost fatally injured during what was supposed to be a routine roundup -sabo had taken an enforcer and was forced into close-quarters combat, and before he could subdue whatever had caused the enforcer to rage, his crime coefficient dips enough for the stunner to paralyze him (thru the enforcer using their own dominator on sabo upon identifying his elevated psycho pass); left with very little option to struggle, sabo is lethally injured and left for dead before backup arrives -ace’s crime coefficient spikes when confronting the scene, and he doesn’t hesitant to kill the enforcer before rushing to sabo’s side; unfortunately, as sabo is rushed to emergency care, his absence does ruin to ace, whose number refuses to fall as his hue grows cloudier -when sabo wakes up, on a long road to recovery, ace is nowhere to be found, and the chief inspector reveals he had been arrested; sabo is frantic, only able to think of ace, and what he was going through now, and why this had to happen to ace of all people, and then of the small box he had nestled in a hidden space in their shared flat, something he would never get to use now -the bureau releases an inter-team statement that ace was not at fault for the enforcer’s demise, ruling it off with use of the dominator, but that didn’t excuse his crime coefficient from refusing to fall, and if he wanted to continue work for the bureau, had to be reinstated as an enforcer -the toll on their new life (ace living somewhere different, ace having a curfew, no longer having ace next to him every second of the day, no longer even to have him to hold at night) is heavy for sabo, and it doesn’t help that ace keeps saying it was expected, that he become just like his father after all -sabo grabs him by the cheeks and tells him to stop, please, bc that wasnt true and saying that would only make it worse, and didnt ace know how much he loved him for who he was already, and that ace was already perfect in sabos eyes; ace apologizes and promises to try better, and sabo breaks away, going on a mini tangent, saying how he couldnt handle it anymore and his hue was getting cloudy, and how ace had to do his best to get out, to stabilize, so that they could begin to return to some sort of sanity -ace promising to do that, and worrying over sabo’s declining mental state, because worrying over him shouldnt have been priority and yet sabo was fretting anyway, and sabo pulls back again to say this was the last time he would see ace for a while; when ace asks sabo admits he was getting institutionalized for treatment, bc it was the only thing he could think to do, and that he wanted ace to focus on getting out, even if he had to be demoted to an enforcer, bc at least he would be out in some sort of sense, and if sabo wasnt waiting for him then he would have to wait just a little longer -the realization of how much sabo was getting affected nearly kills ace, and the weight is heavy in his eyes, enough for sabo to see, and the ring box in his pocket is burning, and he doesnt even know why he brought it with him, bc its not like he could propose to a latent criminal anyway; ace knows what sabo going away means, and even if a thousand questions bubble in his mind, (what about the dog, what about the house, what about the bills, what ab-) he throws them all aside in favor of pulling sabo close, and holding him tight, and promising everything would turn out just fine, even if they would never live the way they used to before case x -(sabo goes home after being released to manage his and ace’s affairs, and ends up giving their dog away before fleeing to a mental facility) -sabo checks himself into a mental facility to deal with the sudden weight on his shoulders, sure that if he continued to suffer by himself he would end up in the same fate as ace -it doesn’t help, though; the facility sets him on a physical therapy track along with a stress recovery one, but the two don’t exactly work hand in hand, as sabo increasingly develops ptsd and more stress from the pt exercises -sabo spends an uncertain amount of time in the institution, and while he leaves nearly fully physically recovered, his psycho pass never regressed to where it was before he was injured -reiju, the chief inspector, comes to pick him up and bring him to the bureau; sabo asks what was going to happen to him on the car ride there, and reiju reveals she would give him a choice, and a handful of hours to think it over; once in her office, sabo finds ace waiting for him; reiju gives them a moment before settling, and tells sabo while he couldnt become an inspector again with his crime coefficient, he could settle for working as an enforcer for another division; she reveals more details re, he would be confined to the bureau’s tower, have restricted access, be limited regarding orders, be under someone’s strict command, etc etc; his other alternate was to undergo treatment in a cell in latent criminal housing, like ace had tried -sabo is given three hours to think it over, and reiju lets ace take him from the room; before ace can drag him far, he brings him to a sit-down with kuzan, shinobu, and one of the inspectors that had replaced them; its more of a reunion with the former two, with them sharing their experiences with the matter, and the new inspector saying it would be an honor to work with sabo, but would respect his decision either way, acknowledging that ‘becoming an enforcer wouldnt do anything to help his psycho pass, and was most likely going to make it worse’ -ace takes sabo to his room in the tower and they fall together on the couch; they have somewhat of a serious discussion about it all, because while ace would love to have sabo by his side, he knows it wouldnt be permanent like it used to be, because they would be on different divisions, they would most likely have separate living quarters, and their freedoms were greatly restricted; the other side is that sabo could potentially get better, and if his psycho pass recovered and was cleared, he could live on the outside again, he could be an inspector if he wanted, or he could do anything; he didn’t have to work for the bureau anymore if it was too much, whereas if his psycho pass was never fully cleared, he wouldnt have any sort of option, being confined to a cell -ace doesnt realize, but sabo has all but given up; hed spent so long in the hospital, and if that hadnt worked, how would being in a cell help any more?; he knows, logically, given enough time, things that hadnt worked before might begin to help, but he also knows that would be a long road to recovery, and right now he was only concerned with the short and easy; he dissuades ace in the gentlest way possible and reveals he would settle for an enforcer position, since the bureau would still have him, and this way he could be with ace again, as close to normal as they could get -ace doesnt know what to feel, because short term him feels gratified that he would have sabo back, but long term he knew sabo was giving up a shot at normal life again, and it killed him to acknowledge that; he doesnt react any one way or another, accepting sabos decision -reiju is much the same, taking his choice without any approval or disapproval; she makes a number of calls and system commands while sabo waits on the plush couch, and when she’s done sabo has an updated id card, badge, terminal access, a cleared desk with his confiscated items being moved to it, and funds for at least one suit; all the basics, along with one holo flipped to face his way, revealing a walkthrough diagram of a basic furnished apartment that had the potential to be his -when sabo questions the last part, reiju smiles, and puts two keys on the desk; one is the new apartment, and the other is a spare of ace’s; sabo is startled when he realizes the implications, and reiju’s smile turns knowing; she cautions him that he could always have a place of his own to escape to, but sabo doesnt hesitate to take the second key and hold it close -reiju tells him to retire for the night, and in the morning, he would report to his division’s staff room for the [evening/morning, trauma relive implications for evening, escapism for morning] shift, the same as ace’s timetable; if anything happened, he already knew standard protocol, and if anything didnt, it was more time spent unpacking to his desk and familiarizing himself with the team -ends (?) with sabo meeting sonia, who had joined the division during his absence, and lami, who he knew only in passing, and law, an enforcer he knew used to be an inspector like him; ends w sabo telling ace he hasnt given up, not just yet, but that he wanted to help people again in the meantime, even if that meant stretching out his recovery a little longer, and that ace better not have given up either, and ace affirming that he hadn’t

route 5: i!ace and i!sabo (turned e) [i: koby, sabo | e: rayleigh, law, izo, kuzan] [i: ace, sonia | e: sabo, law, ikkaku, izo] -for the most part, sabo and ace have life made; they’re married, they share a house, they’re partnered on the job in the same division, everything is as it should be -and then an incident occurs, and the first division is suddenly looking for a new inspector to replace the one that had lost, and to help close out the ongoing investigation -they end up choosing sabo, who is hesitant at first, but after getting debriefed on the case, jumps on the case; now things get a little rougher, longer hours for sabo, different timetables, multiple nights where he pulls all-nighters and resists the pull of his bed at home for his desk at work -ace becomes spiteful after being supportive for so long, almost unable to bear the stress of never seeing sabo for such long stretches of time; and their relationship becomes strained as a result, because sabo doesn’t want to move back down to a lower division now that he’s tasted the top -and then something goes wrong, and sabo comes home near dawn very awake and very afraid, and forgets that he and ace are mad at each other, and runs to him for comfort; ace stays awake with him until they both have to leave for work, never asking what was wrong, only being a soothing presence that ultimately amounts to nothing, when sabo is refused entry into the bureau for his bad psycho pass -(ace first noticing sabo’s hand shaking, and the fact that he could see his hand, that his gloves were off, was the first sign that something was very wrong. sabo lets ace hold him for a long time, try and work on getting him to breathe, and then calming him down, and then sabo bursts out crying, and ace quietly shushes him, drawing him closer, saying it was okay, whatever it was, it would be okay, they would move past it, together, because they did everything together and ace wasn’t going to leave him alone for this; this just makes sabo cry harder because he knows ace can’t follow, not with a clear mental hue, and its a big punch to the gut; ace stripping sabo of his suit jacket and holding him close, lying them on their bed, and finally as sabo’s cries become only harsh breaths, asks if he needed to skip work, take the day off; sabo doesn’t have to think long to know that was only delaying the inevitable, because his hue wasn’t going to change if he was home alone stressing or home with ace stressing -he knew what he’d been through was too much for either of them to handle by themselves, and being given one day to live in bliss and ignorance would only make the next day, when they had to return to the bureau, that much harder) -sabo and ace’s day-to-day lives are upheaved after this; sabo is stripped of his rank and authority, and suddenly instead of it being a rarity that him and sabo would cross paths at home, sabo is never home because he is not allowed to be -the bureau forces sabo to stay at a rehabilitation center and he does so for two long months, learning to control his emotions even as his crime coefficient never fully stabilizes below 100 again; after this time, before he’s released, the new division one inspector now partnered with ace pays him a visit and urges him to come back to div 1 with her, saying they could really use his help, that they still needed him, that he still had a purpose, and a chance, under sibyl -privately, sabo thinks to himself that the sibyl system is the entire reason his life is now in shambles; things would never go back to how they were, but at least if he rejoined the bureau as an enforcer, he could live at the psb and ace would be allowed to visit, as opposed to living in latent criminal housing in isolation -sabo accepts and ace tackles him they next time they meet at the bureau, nearly on the verge of tears, and their colleagues give them a minute to sort themselves; ace admits that he thought sabo still had a chance, that there was that story of an enforcer who had recovered and was able to rejoin society, and that he promised when sabo recovered enough to live on the outside again, they would both quit the bureau and live more peaceful lives; sabo has reservations about all these hopes, but he’s not in the mood for disappointing ace more than he already has, so he keeps his mouth shut -division 1 has almost been entirely restructured since sabo’s departure, but the case that had left the division devastated was still open-ended, much to his distress, but no new leads and a new distinct lack of things to follow up on leave the case virtually at a standstill; sabo vows to look into it on his own time, because it wasn’t something he was willing to let go just yet -ace catches him in the act, because ace is always watching him these days, but after sabo admits his intentions declares he wants to help too; seeing sabo willingly put himself into the line of fire again by opening the case back up does something to ace, makes him realize how much sabo is willing to push himself for others and for the sake of his job, and how that was a quality of his he’d always been in love with

route 6: i!sabo and e!ace [i: lami, sabo | e: ace, rebecca, monet, law] -in this one ace is a latent criminal with a high crime coefficient and is jaded from his past with roger, believing it to be his father’s fault and his father’s legacy that drove him over the edge -sabo is an upstart at the public safety bureau, and he has just recently transferred to the division ace serves in as an enforcer -ace is brash and uncompromising, not unlike other enforcers sabo had worked with but far more difficult (this is definitely the enemies to lovers route k? k) and the best advice sabo can get from his new coworkers are don’t even try with him -but it’s unlike sabo to give up without a challenge, and so he attempts to match ace, crazy stunt for stupid tactic for idiotic, rushed plan, enough so that after a bit ace goes from being annoyed to being slightly impressed sabo was willing to put himself through so much; not that he would ever admit it aloud, though -the turning point is sabo doing a daring move on a case that saves the life of another enforcer; ace turns the thought in his head, and decides he could respect sabo’s actions in that instance, because enforcers were replaceable and technically criminals with no futures, but sabo had put one before his own life anyway, and something about that touches ace in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time -their relationship evolves from that point, where ace will stop sabo from rushing in instead of letting the inspector risk himself for his own amusement, and generally tries to watch sabo’s back when the chance arises; it takes sabo a little while and a few prods from others to notice ace’s flip, but once he starts taking it in, his view of the enforcer changes little by little -because it’s not like ace is a bad person, per se; true, he was a brute and he could be vicious and he had a temper and a tendency to snap bones before asking questions, but he wasn’t always like that; he wasn’t like that to little rebecca, who was younger than him, or any of the victims they encountered on the scene that didn’t deserve the harsh sentiment; he didn’t have the energy to be nasty and self-serving all the time, and as sabo begins to watch for it, it shows more and more -it reaches a point, ace looking out for him, where when they’re on a dangerous scene confronted with the aftermath of something horrific, and sabo descends into a panic attack and nearly loses himself, it’s ace that stays by him the entire time and helps pull him from his mind, soothing him enough that his number drops to normal -from then on, the negative outlook they held of each other disappears near entirely; sabo still finds he struggles with the memories of that day, and ace more often than not is by his side when he’s consumed by thoughts, helping to ease him out -it happens late enough one night, with sabo hunched over his desk staring at his bright computer screen, pouring over scarce documents to a tough case, that he’s startled when he’s pulled from bad thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder and an even warmer drink being pressed into his hand; ace convinces him, after an hour of fruitless effort of turning up anything new, to take a breather, at least until the sun was out; sabo agrees, almost too tired to function, and lets ace lead him from the room and into one of the spacious lobby areas, where they both collapse onto a couch; sabo doesn’t even notice ace running a hand through his light hair until he can fall asleep, or the way he’s caged in by ace’s legs, reclined against his front -when sabo wakes in the morning he is not alone, but ace is keeping distance; he’d waved around a mug of heavy espresso until the smell had sabo roused from sleep, crouched down in front of the couch, and sabo finds his head propped up by pillows that feel cold compared to . . he’s not sure what -monet enters into the lounge when sabo is sat up and a bit more awake, and pauses to eye him for a minute, until her mouth curves into a dangerous smirk; sabo asks but she shrugs, leaving without giving him a proper answer; later, in the office, sabo finds her and law hunched together, the two looking up at the same time to fix him with knowing looks that he doesn’t know how to respond to -sabo looks around and asks where lami was, since her shift just ended, and law tells him she was in his room several floors down, revealing when she needed rest but couldn’t afford to go all the way home for it (or stubbornly refused not to) then she had a spare key to his quarters so she could sleep without leaving the psb tower -sabo is mildly surprised by this, knowing the relationship between her and law but being unaware that inspectors entered into the rooms of enforcers, previously viewing the invisible boundary between the two as much more strict -but as he begins to observe more, he finds that maybe that wasn’t the case; and his own feelings regarding it all surface when rebecca has lunch with him one day, and admits that shes ‘never seen ace act the way he does with you with anyone before’

#saboace #writing #??? sure #op #if i ever write this itll def be like a oneshot series #i think i rambled too much here to have them b drabbles #but like def multiple fics under the same overarching name #im rewatching s3 again and the idea of the diver and the tether??#so so good hmmm but iunno abt a mentalist route #maybe i could restructure 2 or 3 to fit it #also i think i included dragon in 3 or 7 and i like that again #dragon challenging the system once in the past #and being a past figure that has consequences for the present cast #anyway im rambling too much heres the pp au stuff!!!

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years ago

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Psycho Analysis: Roman Sionis

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Birds of Prey is a fun, silly movie. So you’d expect a fun, silly villain for such a film, right? Well, we sort of get that… but this is an R-rated fun, silly movie, so the villain is going to cuss a lot and peel people’s faces off and be a raging psychopathic manchild. Roman Sionis, everybody!

Good old Roman Sionis, known to comic fans as Black Mask (he isn’t ever called that by anyone except Harley during his introduction, and he doesn’t even wear his mask until the end), is just an absolute raging lunatic. He gets mad at the drop of a hat, is creepily posessive of Dinah Lance, has a very close relationship with his murderous second-in-command Zsasz, and is just generally unpleasant to every single person who crosses his path.

But that’s par for the course for Roman Sionis, who is never really EVER portrayed as a charming, likable guy. The real question here is, is he an entertaining villain? Well he’s played by Ewan McGregor, what do YOU think?

Motivation/Goals: Roman is a relatively simple villain, but I think this works in his favor. You see, a big issue with Harley’s previous outing, Suicide Squad, is that the mission was way too high stakes despite the cast featuring a group of people who didn’t really have any powers beyond “fighting really good.” or “has weapon skills.” You’re telling me you’re gonna put Harley Quinn, Deadshot, and Captain Boomerang up against Enchantress and her army of ancient Aztec super-zombies? WHAT? Here, we have a street-level threat much more suited to Harley’s capabilities: Roman is just a very powerful gangster, and his goal in this movie is the simple “get this diamond that was stolen back to me so I can make fat stacks of cash.” That’s really all their needs to be here, a simple MacGuffin to drive along the plot to its various setpieces.

Performance: I love Ewan McGregor, so, really, he didn’t have to do much with the role of Roman Sionis to make him great. Still, this man went above and beyond despite having comparatively little screentime to Harley. Roman seems incapable of going a single sentence without cursing up a storm and is the epitome of a psychopathic manchild, tormenting people for the slightest of reasons. He forces a woman to strip and dance on one of his tables because she was laughing too loud when he was upset, and decides not to spare a girl’s life because she had a gross snot bubble on her face from sobbing while he had his crony Zsasz peel off her parents’ faces. As funny and hammy as he gets, the dude is a stone-cold ruthless bastard who has no line he won’t cross to get what he wants.

Final Fate: Cass hides a grenade on him and steals the ring, and then Harley kicks him off the pier while he panics. Before he even hits the water, BOOM! Never would I have expected to laugh out loud at the sight of Ewan McGregor being blown into bits, but this movie was just full of surprises.

Best Scene: I think that the honor has to go to his establishing character moment with Zsasz, as they cut off the faces of a family who crossed Roman, and then when Roman decides to spare the daughter, he notices snot on her face, says “Ew” like a petulant child, and has Zsasz cut her face off anyway. It’s a great way to establish that Roman is an awful human being no matter how you slice it, and firmly establishes that while, yes, he is a misogynist villain in a female-led blockbuster, his misogyny is just a tiny facet of how unabashedly terrible Roman is.

Final Thoughts & Score: So, this is gonna sound weird, but… Roman kinda reminded me of Justin Hammer. Hammer is a villain who I have greatly warmed to over time (mostly thanks to Nando V Movies on YouTube), to the point where I think he’s actually pretty funny but is held back from true greatness by the sloppy nature of Iron Man 2. The film was big, bloated, and didn’t know what to do with itself. And this film is KIND OF like that… but it knows what to do with Roman.

The movie has an undercurrent of female empowerment, so why not make the villain emblematic of things women have to overcome? Roman is creepy, misogynistic, and even a bit racist especially with his condescending actions towards Dinah. And he even throws a fit when she “betrays” him and decides to murder her. But the movie is smart so as to not make this hamfisted; the movie makes it entirely clear that even if you take away his misogynistic elements, Roman Sionis is just an utterly disgusting human being. Everything about him is just so hilariously vulgar and repulsive, but the way he’s performed helps lighten it and help keep him within the tone of the movie. He’s just dark enough and just hammy enough to work.

My big issues with Roman are mostly due to his utilization and the wasted potential, which is a problem that really hits a lot of stuff in Birds of Prey. He is great every time he’s onscreen, but his screentime is fairly limited, and then he dies at the end which robs him of any chance of coming back in the future as an antagonist. He actually functions great as a more grounded threat rather than some larger-than-life end of the world threat, but the fact he dies horribly – before even having his mask burned onto his face, even! - just kind of feels like a waste of a character. To be fair, Black Mask is not the best or most interesting Batman villain crime lord; we have the Penguin for that. But when you cast someone like Ewan McGregor and he’s clearly having a blast, it’s hard not to feel at least slightly bitter when he gets hilariously gibbed at the end.

Still, I can’t let Justin Hammer’s sacrifice go in vain; he walked so Roman could run, and Roman ran so that perhaps someday Hammer could sprint. Roman gets a nice, fat 8/10, which he definitely earns with the heaping helpings of ham he brings to the table, though he is held back at least a little by the wasted potential of his character.

But hey, if you want to talk about wasted potential…

Psycho Analysis: Victor Zsasz

I really like Victor Zsasz in this film. I really do. The angle they went with, the implied homosexuality, the actor… it’s all good stuff that helps make a disturbing character like Zsasz easier to swallow. But he gets hit with wasted potential harder than even Roman does.

Motivation/Goals: He’s Roman’s right-hand man, so basically his motivation is to do whatever Roman wants him to do. However, there is a bit of an implied thing between his boss and him; Zsasz seems undeniably irritated with the attention he lavishes on Dinah, and is very hands-on and affectionate with his boss. A lot of his later actions in the film and his cruelty towards Dinah does seem to stem from some place of anger towards her for taking Roman’s attention away from him.

Performance: I have to say, Chris Messina does a stellar job at portraying Zsasz as creepy and obsessive, and certainly showcases the fanatical loyalty he has towards Roman, making him something of a dark mirror to Harley’s former relationship with the Joker. I also appreciate that, despite not going with Zsasz’s original psychotic serial killer angle, they still made him a bloodthirsty psycho with a sort of nihilistic edge to him. Frankly, this might be the best possible take on a live-action Zsasz without things getting intensely uncomfortable.

Final Fate: This is probably the worst element of Zsasz: his death. Right before the climax he gets shot out of the blue by Huntress and then Harley just repeatedly stabs him with the arrow. And I have to make it clear here – Zsasz barely got to do anything. He never really poses any sort of physical threats to the heroines, never gets into a fight, and is never mentioned again after his death despite being very close to Roman (to the point where the two may have been lovers).

Final Thoughts & Score: As far as henchmen go, Zsasz is pretty solid conceptually. He’s established early on as a psychopathic enforcer of Roman’s gang, he has an eerie air to him, and he has a lot of elements from the comics you rarely see on Zsasz in other media, such as being blonde. Messina does a fantastic job at making the character seem like a competent killer in the employ of Roman.

But the key word is “seem,” because Zsasz frankly never lives up to his hype. Despite being introduced peeling the faces off of a family, he is just never utilized to his fullest extent. He’s kind of just there in a lot of scenes, and while he isn’t unmemorable or anything he never really does anything that makes him into a worthwhile addition to the franchise. He’s honestly just a glorified mook with a few interesting gimmicks to help set him apart.

I’ve gotta give him a 6/10. While he’s definitely a step above average, he’s really not anything amazing, mostly because the movie refuses to allow him to reach his full potential. He doesn’t have any great quotes, his most memorable scene really serves more to establish Roman than anything, and he is dumped and quickly forgotten right before the climax. He would easily be a 7 or 8 if the story treated him with a little more weight or respect, but he just ends up underwhelming despite having so much going for him, and it’s frankly a bit depressing. It’s just a very sad state of affairs for the character, especially when he managed to be more intimidating in the Arkham games despite the fact that he posed even less of a physical threat than he does here.

Well, while we’re here, let’s go over THAT Zsasz briefly.

Portrayed in the games by Danny Jacobs (who you may know as Sacha Baron Cohen's stand in on The Penguins of Madagascar. Yes, Zsasz and King Julien had the same voice actor.), Zsasz is never really a major antagonist and is, in all honesty, a pretty weak fighter; you can always take him down in one punch. The thing with Zsasz in the games, though, is that it’s always tricky to get to him, because he usually has hostages of some kind. In Arkham Asylum, he appears twice, and you need to use stealth to take him out before he kills his hostages. In City, he gets a much longer sidequest where he requires you to pick up ringing telephones and then glide to another one across the city within a time limit. Once you’ve listened to all of his messages, Batman finds out where his lair is, sneaks through it, and whoops his ass.

I certainly can’t say he’s the best villain in either game he appears in, but he’s definitely scary. His messages and game over screens are really freaky and unnerving, and the Riddler even requires you to find some of Zsasz’s work as parts of riddles… and by “work” I am of course referring to corpses posed in life-like positions. There’s also the horrifying little tidbit that in City, Zsasz actually does kill one of his hostages and there’s nothing that can be done about it; if you switch to detective mode in his lair, you can see a corpse at the bottom of the water in the room.

I think how creepy and intense he is really helps make him stand out among the more colorful characters in those games like Joker, Clayface, and Riddler, so I think giving him a nice 8/10 for his appearances is well-earned. I feel like Birds of Prey could have learned a few lessons from this portrayal; if they wanted to make him more creepy than physically intimidating, that could have worked well and it would have made his anti-climactic defeat a bit more plausible. Instead, they kind of tried this middle ground where he’s creepy enough and intimidating enough physically that it just feels like a letdown when he’s offed.

Oh yeah, did you know he appeared in Batman Begins? He had a brief cameo and didn’t do anything significant and looked like this:

Pretty sure he’d get a low score if he wasn’t just a quick little reference.

#Psycho Analysis #Roman Sionis #Birds of Prey #birds of prey (and the fantabulous emancipation of one harley quinn)#Ewan McGregor #victor zsasz #Chris Messina #Danny Jacobs #Arkham series #Batman

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uncloseted · 4 years ago

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Could you remind us all the depressive times vs manic times of effy over the show? From the first season to the fourth one? And maybe the triggers, if they exist? I think it could be really interesting ! But of course you don’t have too !! Love your blog xx

Thank you! A quick note on terminology- Effy isn’t having manic episodes, she’s having psychotic ones.

Manic episodes are where a person experiences an elevated, hyperexcited mood for periods of at least one week. Symptoms of manic episodes include inflated self esteem, racing thoughts, difficulty maintaining attention, obsessive attention to a goal-directed activity (often one that doesn’t matter), excessive involvement in pleasurable activities, euphoria, and manic speech. There are good examples of what people do in the midst of manic episodes here. Basically, there’s a lot of energy and activity in manic episodes. If you’ve seen Skam, it’s what Even deals with.

Psychotic episodes are what Effy has. They’re disruptions to a person’s thoughts and perceptions that make it difficult for them to recognize what is and isn’t real. Typically, people having a psychotic episode see, hear, and/or believe things that aren’t real (hallucinations) or have strange, persistent thoughts, behaviors and emotions (delusions). Severe anhedonia (lack of feeling pleasure), loss of interest, and psychomotor retardation (slowing down of thoughts and physical movement) are other symptoms of psychotic episodes. The hallucinations that people experience are typically frightening. Effy’s appear to be visual and auditory hallucinations of “demons” that she thinks are after her.

Both manic episodes and psychotic episodes can present with depression (bipolar disorder and psychotic depression, respectively).

With Effy, it’s kind of hard to tell what the timeline of her illness is. I think we know that she has a psychotic-depressive episode in 308 (when she hits Katie with the rock), and another one in 405 (when she sees the demons coming at her in the field). In 407, I think she’s having less of a psychotic episode and more of a break from reality caused by Foster’s treatment (”it happened but it didn’t happen!”). There’s also an Unseen Skins Video Diary where she’s burning a little toy devil and the last chapter of James Joyce’s Ulysses is playing backwards, which may be an indication that she was having psychotic episodes from series 1.

As for unipolar depressive episodes (i.e., depression without psychotic features), I think she’s struggled with them almost her whole life, maybe starting when she was 8 or so (judging by her series 4 Unseen Skins episode). I think that would explain why she feels like she was born backwards, as well as why she parties so much in the first three series of the show. I think she shows a lot of symptoms of depression throughout the show (social isolation, not talking much, reckless sexual and drug taking behaviors, lack of emotional affect), but because we’re led to think it’s part of her personality, we don’t notice those symptoms until it’s too late.

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hereliesbitches--me · 5 years ago

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Random headcanon that I'm making pictures for:

Undiagnosed , Rosie suffers Bipolar-2(Bipolar depression, with episodes of Mania), - PTSD, with Psychotic features(mild visual and auditory hallucinations) , and some aspect of DID

To which, the most prominent vision she sees is a reflection of what plagues her the most at times. Mainly guilt driven. In her 20s, she'd see the dead she killed from the Calvary days, and the men who's heads she used to keep after having butchered them to feed Nikki.

These symptoms have been occurring since she was 18 years old, after she fully left to Calvary, as stress finally got to her enough to manifests. When she fixated on something, sometimes the symptoms would wane(Ie. When she was focused mainly on a person, when she felt comfortable and safe. They would fade, she would be stable for a while)

The assistance of her dogs(Sergeant and Major) helped her through her worst patches, having them since she was 15 years old. The dogs provided her security to ground her to reality, lick her if she was on the verge of a breakdown, or in worst case scenarios, they would even bite her just enough to bruise in order to snap her back to reality. For the 8 years in Tennessee, her hallucinations were of the dead Calvary team, and her victims. When she left to New York, they followed her, til she eventually met and settled down with Rocky. Despite the stress, having him settled her mind down to the point that hallucinations were a very rare occurrence. Though she still suffered from the symptoms of bipolar disorder with heavy depressive episodes and manic highs, it was more tolerable because of Rocky's patience.

When he died, and she was alone once again, a single mother of 2 kids, the hallucinations began to return. Though, no longer were they a sea of corpses , now it was only Rocky. A very dead, eyeless Rocky. Who seems to appear in every moment of doubt or longing hits her.

Rosie, a grown woman in her 30s, is afraid to sleep. Not just sleep, but more importantly shes afraid to sleep alone. She works herself to death practically to avoid sleep, or to avoid sleeping alone in her own bedroom because she's afraid of the hallucination that the dead man is there. He'll hold her and touch her lovingly, but his skin is the wrong shade and she knows there wont be the warm eyes if she looks at his face. For as long as she can, Rosie would rather have the kids sleep with her, or she crawled into their beds until they were old enough that they didnt want her there anymore. But she takes every chance she can to be near them.

So why doesn't she just see a therapist for medicine?

Simply put, Shes paranoid and afraid of any hospitals and doctors since Toruga attacked her before Mia was born. Shes afraid of the connections he could have, if they give her the wrong drugs to weaken her, because she is a high profile person with what she does. Most important, as much as it plagues her, shes afraid to be alone. Shes afraid to live in a world, to be normal, without this ghost of Rocky following her around. As scary as it is, it's the last piece of him she has besides Mia, who stays with her. And if she were to take medication that stabilizes her, she really just wouldn't know what to do without it.

So she lives as the persona as the Unbreakable, Invincible Sphinx.

Just a tired woman who works herself to death to ensure that the Angel Project runs smoothly, that people see that people with powers are not monsters to be feared or ostracize. A single mom spending every waking moment making sure her kids dont know she's threadbare and on the verge of coming apart at any second. The world knows shes an even tempered, diplomatic leader of powered people. And friends know shes a reliable hand to take, an ear to talk to, and a shoulder to cry on. She's everything that everyone needs, and she'd die before someone knows how weak she really is inside .

#:headcanon:#v important stuff #in summation her hallucinations are a manifestation of her conscience fear of being alone #and feeling guilty to the point she doesnt know how to live with peace #:v: iniquitous essence:#this all aligns to anybody dealing with her in her main storyline #tw: mental disorder #tw: mental health

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amberandmetal · 6 years ago

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Of smoke and desire

Written for: @revengingbarnes for their 10k challenge. Prompt: Teen wolf AU. Pairing: Incubus!Loki x FemaleWerewolf!Reader. Warnings: Smut, as no express consent is given and reader is technically under the influence of Loki’s demon sex mojo this can be seen as dub-con if you squint. But the want and feelings were there before so not really, but you know. Better safe than sorry. Rating: E Word count: ca 4 k Summary: The Asgard pack asks the Starks for help when trouble arises regarding their youngest. A/N: This is my first AU!..I think. I’ve written UA’s before (which I have come to learn is not the same thing, who knew). This was so fun to write, especially since I’m a Teen wolf fan since way back, and it was just great to try to piece all these characters into this world and try to fit their backgrounds into something that would work and ugh, yeah. Fatima, this was a groovy ass challenge and I had so much fun with it. Hope you’ll, and whomever might read this, like it! P.S English is my 2nd language and this is unbetad: all mistakes are mine.

The TV was set on low, some insipid program on in the background. The sun had just started to set and cast a warm glow over the snugly furnished living room. You hummed and burrowed closer to Natasha on the couch, yanking at the blanket covering her so she’d let you in to share the warmth. You wrapped yourself around her under the warm cover, letting the shared body heat and gentle lavender from the aroma diffuser calm your senses.

You had all been on edge for most of the evening. Clint was deeply submerged in the games on his tablet, while Bucky and Steve had taken to the gym, going round after round, trying to beat the stress out of their systems.

You and Natasha were different, the boys needed their distractions, but you two sought comfort in each other, in the pack bond- and the tidal wave of oxytocin that brought with it.

Nat pulled you closer until your head rested heavily on the little dip beneath her collarbone. From the outside you both looked completely at peace, but inside there was still tension chilling your bones.

Your Alpha had gotten the call almost four hours ago. Worry had ghosted across his face only for a moment before it was replaced with what Bucky and Clint liked to call his “Alpha face”; strong, set, determined. He’d left right after the call ended, giving you nothing on what had happened except that the Asgard pack had asked for his assistance and “I will be back as soon as possible, don’t worry-”

“But you know we do.”

Tony had stopped in the door and turnt to you. A fond smile lighting up the seriousness that had taken over his features. He gripped your chin and tilted it up, caressing your cheek when his eyes found yours.

“I know.”

That had been four hours ago.

It was never an easy thing when your Alpha was away, his absence churned in your bones. They liked to tease you about it, calling you the little lapdog of the pack, blaming it on you being the youngest and that you needed to “stop being such a pup”. But it was different for them.

The Stark pack was a family, but unlike the Asgard pack it was not by blood. The others had their biological families scattered over the country and they stayed in touch and occasionally left to visit.

Other packs liked to refer to you lot as “Stark and his little collection of rescues” and though absolutely meant as an insult it wasn’t far from the truth.

Tony had been the only child of the infamous Alpha Howard Stark, and when he and his wife passed away in a car crash, Tony was the next in line. Alone and miserable he’d set out on a path of self destruction; years spent deep in dark coloured bottles, powder that shot through him like electricity, and the arms of whoever would have him. He’d been barely alive when James had found him.

James had been a part of Tony’s life ever since, and as the pack’s emmissery the first person their Alpha went to for advice. You didn’t care that he wasn’t officially pack. Rhodes was family.

Tony had started looking for a pack then, finding those who either had nothing left to live for or those who had no life left to speak of.

Steve had been the first. Tony found him in a hospice care facility, the list of things wrong with him longer than the one with what wasn’t. He’d explained to him exactly what he was offering, the good with the bad- and the risk. But he’d told Tony exactly the same thing as everyone else in the pack when asked.

“Anything is better than this.”

Clint had been deaf, depressed and living his days looking out from the bottom of a bottle.

Bucky had lost his left arm in war, and isolated himself, plagued by psychotic breaks brought on by severe PTSD.

Natasha was a different story in the way that nobody knew it. She left about once every third month for a week or so and nobody actually knew, but assumed she visited some sort of family. How she came to be a part of the pack was a secret solemnly kept between her and her Alpha.

And then there was you, the youngest and newest addition to the pack, even though it had been years since you turned they still treated you like the smallest sibling: always teasing you. But they also were very protective and spoiled you -as Tony liked to say- rotten.

You were the only one in the pack that hadn’t been turned by your Alpha, and it felt like missing out on a connection the others had.

Three years ago your family had been attacked by a rabid alpha. To this day you still had no idea why she had gone for you or your parents- or your brother.

Tony had showed up, but it had been too late; you survived your wounds, your family didn’t.

Once Tony had you somewhere safe with the red haired woman you’d come to know as a sister looking after you, he had set off with Steve, Bucky and Clint, tracking down the she-wolf who had ruined your life.

Later after the deep wounds had healed; after her claws had forced your body to turn; after you’d wrapped your head around the fact that not only were werewolves real but you had actually turned into one; after the initial shock of your family’s death had died down- you asked them what had happened to the woman.

“We decided her head and body wasn’t a good fit and had to part ways.”

And that was the first time you met Clint.

It had been a horrible year, dealing with the loss of your parents, trying to accept what you had become, struggling to find a place in this new family where everybody was a little broken, but worst of all: trying to accept and deal with the loss of your little brother.

Tony had been by your side countless hours, when you woke up screaming from nightmares, when the anxiety hit you so hard you couldn’t control your shift, when everything in you crumbled and roared in a vortex of pain and you’d felt like you could never get up again. He had taught you control, he had helped you heal and he had given you a safe place- a new family in the ruins of your old. There was a reason you were so close with your Alpha.

Your head snapped up when the unmistakable sound of a key turning in the door reached your ears.

You weren’t the only one. Tony had barely gotten into the living room before he was crowded by five werewolves, pushing up against him in search of the calming effects of their Alpha’s scent. All of you completely reeked with worry.

Tony managed a small chuckle but it sounded strained. He touched each and every one of you in turn, a warm hand on a bare shoulder, knuckles brushing softly against a cheek, a neck getting affectionately scratched. Lastly he turned to you and dropped a kiss on your forehead- you almost purred with the warmth of it.

“What’s wrong?” Steve was the first one to speak up. He had been with Tony the longest, and as his first there was a bond there that the rest of you didn’t quite understand.

Tony sighed and carded his fingers through his hair, trying to smooth down the tufts of stray strands that stood on end.

“There’s a situation..”, he moved toward the couches and motioned for you to follow “Loki is missing.”

As if by command all of you sat down on the cushions, backs straight, your shoulders pulled back and your senses spiking.

“What do you mean missing?!”

Loki was the youngest of the small Asgard pack. There was Odin the alpha, and his wife Frigga. They had six children, three of which were off to college. Thor, the eldest worked as a carpenter and he was often around your house fixing whatever new thing that’d been demolished. Sif was his younger sister and one of the only two in the family that wasn’t a werewolf; she was born a human but she was still fiercer than any of them. Besides Loki she was your favourite.

Loki was, like you, the youngest, and like Sif, a human. He was slimmer than the others, fairer and quieter. He was beautiful and odd, and his smirks always more resembled smiles when directed at you.

“He had a fallout with his father and took off.”

Bucky scoffed.

“Are you telling us all this commotion is because Loki decided to run away? He’s an adult for fuck sake!”

A sharp look and a warning growl reverberating at the bottom of Tony’s throat was enough to make Bucky shrink back on the couch, eyes averted.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Tony said sharply, “apparently there is more to Loki than we thought. And I’m not overly impressed with Odin for keeping this from me.”

He sighed, leaned back and laid a heavy hand on Steve’s thigh. The other man took it instantly, squeezing it in a reassuring manner. You all felt a bit more at ease at the grateful smile that pulled on your Alpha’s lips.

“Loki is adopted-”

“What?!”

“-and he just found out. And apparently our boy is not a hundred percent human.”

Clint and you blinked at your Alpha in unison.

“Hold up. What? Loki? Shy, spindly noseinabookbecauseyouallsuck Loki?”

Tony shot him an exasperated look.

“I just mean.. how? And what is he then? He’s obviously not a wolf? At least he doesn’t smell like one-”

Tony sighed again, pulling his hand up to rub at his eyes.

“Fuck. Yeah okay, so we’re doing this then… Apparently he’s a demon- part demon, according to his father.”

There was complete silence around you. Everybody, including the otherwise composed Steve and Natasha, just stared at Tony, jaws dangerously close to the floor.

“You can’t be serious?”

“Afraid so.”

“But how-”

“When-”

“I mean he’s just so-”

“Exactly! And he’s never-”

“He’s never shown any indications of-”

“Alright, enough!” His alpha voice cut the air like a whip through the chatter and you all fell silent.

“Frigga told me, after the signs started showing in his early teens they started slipping him something they got from Bruce, some root or, some other..- look, I don’t know! That’s not the point. The point is that Loki is out there somewhere and he is a danger to others as well as himself. He doesn’t know his demon side, doesn’t know his powers. And something like that? Lying dormant for years until suddenly, it’s not? He will be feral, more demon than human..” he inhaled deeply and then let it out in a long sigh, “We don’t hurt him. The Asgard pack came to us because they trust us, lets not give them a reason to regret that choice.”

Darkness had already started to descend when you reached the big wooden sign of Beacon Hills Preserve. Odin and his pack stood there already waiting for you. Rhodes was there too, his eyes soft as they fell on the pack.

Odin stepped forward.

“I’m glad you came.”

“Of course, Loki is important to us too.”

The two Alphas grabbed each others hands for a moment.

“Come. The trail ends about two and half miles northeast of here.” He motioned for his wife, Thor and Sif, and a man you’d never seen before but who you assumed was their emissary Bruce, to follow him; and you followed suit, ducking into the heavy foliage of Beacon Hills preserve.

Natasha and Bucky kept to your sides, as close as possible without touching, and their scents were dense with the spicy sweet smell of ‘pack’ and ‘protect’.

You scented the air, wrinkling your nose in confusion when you couldn’t find a trace of Loki in it, but instead a thick smoke-like odour. It didn’t have the typical threads to it that you could pull on to trace and find whatever you were tracking; it was more like a billowing thing, seeping into the lush dank air of the forest like it belonged there.

“If you find him, incapacitation only. No matter what he says or does. The demon in his veins has him overtaken and I do not know what we will find,” Odin paused, raising his flashlight and peering into the woods for a second before looking down, his wife brushing his cheek softly, “ he is still my son. Blood or not. I think you of all people can understand that, Stark.”

Tony looked back at his pack, turned back to Odin and nodded.

“We won’t hurt him.”

The rest of you gave various sounds of agreement and Frigga, Sif and Thor looked at you gratefully. Frigga laid a gentle hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“Then let’s bring my boy home.”

“Here’s where the trail ended a few hours ago,” Thor spoke up “the scent of smoke is too strong here. We will fan out from this point, if you find him you call. Understood?”

Nobody spoke, everyone simply nodded . There was a pressed atmosphere, something pensive and tense hung thick and syrupy in the air. It seeped into your spine.

Tony instructed who should go where, and with a last squeeze of her hand and his cheek quickly pushed against yours Nat and Bucky had taken off and you were staring into the heavy vegetation, its edges blurred by the twilight.

Beside you was suddenly the soft sound of heavy paws against wet soil; you turned and blinked at the large white wolf. He looked stoic and regal in the low light. There was a reason why Odin was the most respected out of all the Alphas in Beacon county.

His red eyes glowed in stark contrast against the silvery white fur- blood on a silken sheet. And then he was gone, leaving you the last to take off.

The shift always seemed strange to you; it was a relief yet a sadness- a hurt. Everytime you shifted it reminded you of why you were what you were in the first place. Every turn was a reminder of what you had lost.

But it was also an alleviation- like finally opening your eyes after having kept them closed for too long.

As your forehead changed and morphed with the ridge of your nose your sight grew clearer, the edge of the leaves sharper. The claws on your feet burrowed into the earth as you pushed down, reveling in the scent of damp soil flooding the air and the change that trickled up your back. You pushed down the immediate need to howl out all the stagnant energy that was bursting to be let out now that you finally had opened up.

You took off, thankful for the forgiving fabric of your sweats as you pushed forward down on all fours, running so fast you were practically flying. It was hard to remind yourself why you were here, to not get completely lost in the sensation. Loki, you had to keep your focus on Loki.

You ran until you couldn’t hear your family on your sides anymore, until you reached a cliff overlooking the entire town. You stopped there to scent the air, willing your senses to find even the faintest trace of Loki. You allowed your fangs and claws to retract, gently shifting back with a sigh, stretching and cracking your neck. You needed to think, and it was always harder when shifted. As a wolf everything was much more primal, more emotions - less logic.

~~~

Your name travels to your ears like a whisper, something sooty and rich. Behind you stands Loki, or what looks like Loki.

You feel the familiar tug at your heart at the sight of him.

“Loki, thank god.. We’ve been so worried-”

“I can smell you.”

“What?”

“Is this what it’s like for you all the time? The sensory overload? Everything smells so rich, potent..sharp. Especially those mutts.”

You take a bewildered step forward, hand hesitantly reaching out.

“What-”

“You don’t smell like them, though, no..- you smell different. Syrupy sweet. I can practically taste the honey dripping from you.”

You take another step, reaching for him. There is something off. There is that scent of smoke and ash that clings to the air like it’s evaporating off of his skin in clouds, and his voice sounds odd, like his own but fuller, heavier, as if his voice were carried by an echo.

You start feeling a bit dazed, the fear and nervousness from before tightly wrapped and cocooned in the softest of blankets.

You look up and you’re close enough now to see his eyes and the raven ink bleeding into them.

“Loki..”

He blinks, like if he suddenly realises where he is; the chartreuse battling for dominance in his eyes and he looks at you, almost pleading.

“I’m so hungry. I can’t understand it. I’m so hungry.”

You close the last piece of distance between you and wrap your arms around him, pulling him close. Beneath the smoke that burns your nostrils you can sense a faint trace of Loki. You smile in relief, burying your nose closer to the curve between shoulder and neck, breathing him in.

“I don’t know. I don’t know, Lo. But we’ll fix this.”

His arms snake around your back and he pushes his face into your hair, inhaling deeply.

“Oh.”, he says like he’s finally come to understand something, “oh, you smell delicious.”

He grips the hair at the base of your neck and pulls, drawing you back to look at him. Obsidian orbs stares back at you and you feel that soft haze again, pulling at you, lulling you into their depths.

“It’s you, sweetheart. It’s you I’m hungry for.”

And that’s when you feel it, the hard ridge against your hip, straining and warm even through two layers of fabric.

He leans over you, fingers still twined in your hair, holding you in place, and licks from the corner of your mouth across your cheek to your ear.

“Shift for me, pet, I don’t want to hurt you.”

His voice sends a shiver from just behind your ear, down your skull and neck, curling over your shoulder and clavicle, dancing down your chest and stomach until it finally reaches between your thighs and blossoms out in a red hot heat. A low moan tumbles unsolicited from your chest and to your ears it sounds almost like a purr.

Your thoughts are swimming in vapor, it’s the primalness of being shifted with none of the sharpness.

Loki bites softly at your earlobe and hisses “shift.”

You let your head fall back, trusting Loki to hold you up as you allow your wolf to come out.

“There she is”, he praises. There is a soft venom to his voice, a dense blackness that is overloading your senses by the second.

Somewhere deep below the fog you recognize a few thoughts, past fantasies about having Loki like this, about being brave enough to tell him how you feel. This was not how you’d thought you’d end up with him, wolfed out in the arms of a black-eyed demon, but it was Loki, and it felt too good to question.

He lowers you onto the ground, the mossblended grass a soft cushion beneath you. Above is the night sky, dark and clouded, a blanket shielding you from reality, keeping you a secret from the world, keeping you locked away and safe.

His long slender fingers are everywhere then, pulling and tugging on your clothes until you are bare before him.

You look up, eyelids heavy and soft. His shirt is off but his pants are still on but unzipped. There is no hint of green left in his eyes, and there is smoke in his voice.

“This, this is what I hunger for. Oh, you’re delectable: a feast. Look at me with those beautiful golden eyes, huh? Shining like treasure for me.. what a treasure..” His hands are on your waist, sliding up and down your sides, following the curve of your body; kneading and scratching, leaving raised welts that are gone the next second. He leans over you, a feral demon with the softest touch, and kisses your lips. It is fierce and desperate, and his lips taste cold and lush on your tongue. Demon and darkness and human and flesh.

“Loki..”

He pulls your knee up by your thigh and lays heavy on you, his breath ghosting over your face, cold and smelling of scorched wood. There is not much left to think, to consider, the option was never there anyway. How you came to be here is irrelevant, what matters is that you have him, fair skinned and beautiful above you, and that he chose you to satiate his hunger.

“Please..”

His eyes snap up to yours and the last piece of white in his eyes gets clouded by shining ink. A gorgeous raven ready to devour you.

He enters you so smoothly that it almost takes you by surprise. He is hard and warm inside of you, throbbing and buried to the hilt. You squirm breathlessly beneath him, losing yourself in the moment, completely forgetting about your claws as you dig them into the flesh of his back.

He jerks, pushing even deeper into you as he hisses.

“Sorry..I- sorry..-”

“No. No, it’s good. Give into it, pet. Give it to me. Give me everything you have.”

And there is no mistake in the low moan that rumbles in your chest, a primal growl clawing inside you as he begins to move.

His hands and lips are everywhere, working you body and soul, pushing you to the edge, pulling and twisting, licking and biting. It’s like he is absorbing every sensation that lights within you, as if feeding on the echo of your desire.

He barely pulls out, as if he can’t bare to not be inside you for long enough to thrust. Instead he keeps buried inside you, rutting with an intensity that has your toes curling and your eyes lighting brighter.

“I need.- I need- I..”

He groans, loud and deep, biting your neck as he speeds up, his pelvis putting enough pressure on your clit to make you see stars.

“Give it to me, please.. I’m so fucking hungry.. I need..- give me.. give me.. please!”

You climax on a sharp inhale, your back bowing and lifting you both from the ground. He does not let up, but keeps moving furiously between your thighs, gripping your throat and sucking hard on the side of your neck. You shatter in a million pieces there in his arms, convulsing through the aftershocks as he keeps pumping into you, his hips digging into the flesh of your thighs. You can almost feel the bruises forming, and for a second you think that you wish they would stay.

When he joins you and finally tumbles over the edge it’s with the most sated exclaim you’ve ever heard, relief colouring his voice thick and luscious.

He falls to your side, pulling his coat over you both and cradles you to him, as close as he can; as much skin in contact as humanly possible. None of you speak.

Loki has changed; there is smoke living in his skin now. But you have loved him before and you will love him still. Again and again, whatever he needs to satiate this hunger- if he will have you.

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dumbwaves · 5 years ago

Text

words mean more at night

jeremy knox/jean moreau (1.4k)

the english is shit, there are a lot of mental health trigger warnings but it’s my firstborn and i’m proud // read it on ao3

Jean Moreau woke up in a cold sweat. His chest ached as if someone had repeatedly bashed a racquet against his solar plexus. His lungs were burning like hell fire, and he couldn’t for the life of him breathe.

It was so dark. The kind of darkness that made him believe that there never would be light again. At least for him. He gasped, but all it did was make him feel daggers all over his chest. He felt torn open. ‘This is how I die’ he thought desperately ‘this is how it all turns to nothing’.

And then Jean saw him -- it. Standing at the darkest corner of the room. It was mean-spirited and horrendous looking. It wanted Jean, and it spoke to him in the deepest crests of his mind. And Jean took its words like gospel.

‘Your master will return soon’ the shadow-figure spoke in a cruel, mocking tone ‘He will return and take what is his by right’ its words were prophecy-like.

Dread curled in Jean’s spine. His lungs still gave their last struggle to breathe. It hurt so much. His eyes were hot with tears, his tongue felt made of cotton inside his dry mouth.

“Il est mort” Jean choked out, his skin crawling “He is rotting in hell”.

It laughed darkly, and Jean could feel in the tips of his fingers the impending doom of what was coming for him. And he felt it all: the darkness, the pain, the hopelessness, the sorrow. His chest was going to combust, and he’d die. And Riko would be there, waiting for him in hell with a sadistic smile and the promise of blood on his lips. Jean wailed a desperate, broken sound.

And as if in a holy revelation, there was light. A faint thing, in the corner of his eye. He snapped his head so fast to see what it was that his neck ached. The bedside lamp had been turned on. Its faint yellowed glow illuminating the golden fingers attached to its button. Jean’s tear-blurred eyes watched the fingers move, the hand withdraw, the wrist flex. The long arm curled forward, trying to reach Jean. He looked at the strong shoulder, the freckles in the naked chest. Jeremy’s worried face greeted him like an old friend.

“Baby” Jeremy whispered “Baby, hey.” he tried again, frowning at how Jean’s eyes were unfocused and his breathing erratic.

Jeremy took Jean’s stone cold hand. And his touch was so tender and so warm it made Jean want to cry. Jeremy guided Jean’s fingers to his tanned chest, placing them on top of his heart.

“Lets breathe together, shall we?” Jeremy offered “Feel my heart, feel my lungs”

Jean shut his eyes tight and focused on the steady beat of Jeremy’s heart. It thumped in a bold rhythm. At that moment, Jean could’ve sworn he heard the drumming of that man’s heart inside his own body. He let out a long, painful gust of air. Jean tried to tune the faint whisper of his heart to the steady beat of Jeremy’s.

His other hand was guided to Jeremy’s belly, which fluttered with each slow breath he took. Jean tried to focus on mirroring Jeremy’s breathing while the constant symphony of his heartbeats soothed his thoughts.

Jean didn’t know how long they stayed like that. It could’ve been years, or even centuries. He felt a never-ending sense of belonging.

“You did so great, baby” Jeremy gave him a kind smile, placing his hands on top of Jean’s scarred ones. He displaced them, squeezing them a few times “I love you”.

Those words felt like a punch to his gut. Jean let out a heart-wrenching sound. His throat ached from how much he had already struggled for air, and now Jean’s crying punished it a bit more. He pushed his arms out and embraced Jeremy so close, so tight. Their chest collided with a hollow sound and Jean tucked his nose in Jeremy’s sweet-smelling neck.

“It’s all right” Jeremy’s sweet southern drawl assured him.

Jean felt fingers lightly tracing the bumps of his curled spine, the soft pads brushing against his thorn skin. Jeremy held the back of Jean’s neck with his other hand, playing with the short wisps of Jean’s still growing hair. It was in an awkward length after having to buzz it all off to treat the patches of skin where Riko had ripped his hair out. His hair was now a few inches long, at least long enough to curl wildly around the nape of his neck and stick up from his temples.

“Hey” Jeremy held Jean’s soft, swollen face in his hands.

“Hello” Jean croaked. “I’m sorry for waking you up. Again” guilt soared through Jeans chest like an arrow.

“I know you are” Jeremy said with a sad smile “And I won’t ever get tired of telling you that I don’t mind. I love you” he repeated like a prayer.

“I love you” Jean whispered.

Jean was still scared that he’d been living in delusions, that Jeremy didn’t really love him, that all the love he was being given with such open-hearted devotion was a byproduct of his trauma and his psychotic symptoms. Everytime Jeremy said something like that to him, Jean looked at his lips, to see if they were really moving. To check if it was all real.

Jean layed back down on their small shared bed, feeling the softness of the sheets against his still trembling body. He tugged Jeremy with him, so they were facing each other. Jeremy tangled their ankles together, and pressed a hand to Jean hair, petting it lovingly.

“You have this wild look on your face” he said carefully “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Jean gulped. Jeremy knew about his trauma and some bits of what happened in the nest. He knew about Jean’s diagnosis. The PTSD and the depression with psychotic features. Hell, he was the one who suggested Jean should look into a mental health professional. He knew about the voices, the paranoia and The Shadow. But it still hurt to tell him, because it felt like he was crazy and flawed and hopeless and… Wrong.

“A nightmare I don’t really remember. Panic attack. Then, The Shadow came to have a nice little night-time chat” Jean muttered bitterly. He felt pressure at the back of his head, like he was about to start crying again. This time it was out of embarrassment.

Jeremy hummed, brushing Jean’s hair away from his face.

“At least I know he is dead, you know? It doesn’t get me as paranoid as before.” Jean added.

He had talked about it with his psychiatrist/psychotherapist in their last session. The meds seemed to be working alright to subdue his psychotic symptoms, mostly the delusions and the paranoia. But at night he hallucinated a lot. The meds for his depression were helping as well, making the numbness and anedonia a little less overwhelming.

And the man laying beside him helped too, a lot. Jean had never been loved in his entire life, and experiencing it for the first time was like a never-ending sky-dive which he wasn’t afraid to hit the ground. Jeremy had so much love and kindness in him that it bewildered Jean. At first he thought the man was one more penance he would have to get through in life, with his sunny smiles and jokes. He seemed ignorant to what life was really about.

But he was not. Jeremy despite his young age was wise. He seemed one thousand years old, he felt god-like. He talked with passion, he had a sparkle in his eye and quirk in his mouth. He knew about love and friendship and family. He sang and he laughed and he enjoyed life with a ferocity that was foreign to Jean. He tugged at Jean’s heartstrings like he was poorly tuned chord instrument. ‘Dieu du Soleil’ Jean often thought. He was golden all over, freckled and glowing by the sun’s hand. He carried joy in his words and hope in his hands. He was a divine intervention in Jean’s life.

“I feel like I know you…” Jean confessed faintly “From a lifetime ago”.

“You are a very silly man, Jean Moreau” Jeremy teased, his eyes crinkling with delight. Jeremy loved any kind sweet talk.

“I might as well be, mon coeur” Jean conceded, indulging Jeremy “I might be silly. And psychotic. But I know what I feel. There’s a lifeline between us. You pull on my heart like the moon pulls on the sea”.

Jeremy gave a weak laugh, his cheeks pinking prettily. His hand never stopped petting Jean’s hair.

#jerejean #jean moreau #jeremy knox #jerejean fic #aftg #mine #wrt

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