#and then take the effort to educate themselves and do better in terms of supporting the community and apologise for what they've done

[alishasnoidea]

i've said this once and i'll say it again,

it's not the mistakes you make that define you, but rather how you react to them

[csuitebitches]

On Getting Rid of Your Inferiority Complex

You can take advice from everyone and every book you read, but no one can protect you proactively, unless you choose to protect yourself. Only you can do that for yourself. Your parents, friends, partner can support you emotionally but you need to stop relying so much on external validation.

When you’re making a choice that you know is going to be detrimental to your health, whether its physical, mental or emotional - such as going back to your ex, not taking the next steps for your career/ education - you need to think more about your (near) future self and make sure that she’s also comfortable. You need to think long term.

As we grow up, we often encounter situations that we’ve been in before to some degree, there’s somewhat a pattern to them. It’s time to start recognising them early and leave when you see the red flags waving.

By breaking your own word that you’ve made to yourself you’re making the inferiority complex worse. Because you’re showing to your subconscious mind that you don’t matter at all. Others do.

It could be something “small” such as going out clubbing with your friends because you couldn’t say no - and having an important presentation due the next day. It could be something “big” such as breaking off a difficult relationship, and still going back to them.

When we suffer from an inferiority complex, we idolise people around us and think they’re better than us in every way. We choose to see the best in them- just the way we choose to see the worst in ourselves.

At some point, we have had enough and decide to start improving ourselves. How do we do this? By improving ourselves in areas that you feel left out in.

Such as, seeing an influencer live your dream life. Now you’ll do everything you can to live like her because you think that once you achieve that, everything will be great. You try to improve in areas that have no direct relation to your inferiority complex.

You’ll try work on these things - while that can be in a way good because it’s alright to have a dream life and motivation for it, that doesn’t fix the inferiority issue.

Because the inferiority issue solely comes from lack of confidence and trust in yourself. Even if you get your ideal life like that influencer, that confidence won’t last long and you’ll find something else to panic about - you’ll compare yourself to your peers, or the anxiety of jobs after or the next shiny thing you want.

To actually combat inferiority issues you HAVE to build a connection with yourself. True confidence will only come when you connect with yourself with things that aren’t material things.

You need to cultivate a growth mindset and genuinely believe that you WILL get better with time, you WILL get smarter with time, you will improve your talent over time. You have to detach yourself from outcomes, whether positive or negative and just take it as life.

And this doesn’t happen overnight. It takes consistent effort to not feel fomo anymore or feel shitty.

You have to stop hesitating putting yourself first, putting your emotional needs first, standing up for yourself and saying a big fuck you to things that deserve it.

Not everything that you have today will be permanent in your life and that’s something you have to come to terms with.

But if your worth is fully dependent on other people, then you really need to sit down with yourself and start actually working on the relationship that matters the most - the one with yourself.

You’re intimidated by these influencers or the people who you want to be like, not because they wear designer bags, have cool outfits, vacations, boyfriends, girlfriends - but because they often have a very strong sense of identity.

They express what they like and don’t like. They don’t change themselves depending on the person in front of them. If there’s something they want, they go and get it. They pursue what makes them happy.

When do you plan on doing that for yourself?

So how do you do it?

You need to build a strong sense of self identity.

How? By dating yourself. Ask yourself questions that you would ask someone on a first date. What are your answers? These answers will not remain the same over time and they shouldn’t either. Here are some as a guide:

1. What do you like in general?

2. What do you dislike in general?

3. List all the things you like about yourself

4. List all the things you can improve about yourself

5. Where would you ideally want to be in 2 years?

6. What sort of a life do you wish you had right now?

Next step is continue dating yourself. Aim for one new experience a week. It doesn’t have to be major. It could be something simple such as a cooking a meal you’ve never made, solving crossword puzzles, trying to grow herbs, colouring books. With new experiences, you learn something about yourself, which allows you further build a connection with yourself. Literally date yourself.

Take care of yourself the way you would care for a partner. How do you want to be cared for? What makes you feel loved and appreciated? Show yourself the same things too.

[daymemebeliever]

Hey Fanguins! Want to Help Real Life Penguins? :D

Why Now?

5 out of the 18 penguin species are listed as endangered

That’s approximately 28% that are endangered, not including those under the “vulnerable” or “near threatened” statuses.

These endangered species include:

The Yellow-eyed Penguin

Northern Rockhopper Penguin

Galapagos Penguin

Erect-Crested Penguin

African Penguin

Cute little guys like these African penguins are predicted to go EXTINCT by 2035.

Biggest Threats to Penguins:

Overfishing

Plastic Pollution

Oil Spills

Habitat Disruption

Invasive Species

Climate Change

So… What can We Do?

I know sometimes it seems hopeless when there are major corporations having extensive negative impacts on the environment.

But there are small, everyday changes you may be able to make to contribute for the better (at least a little).

Small actions can add up over time.

Shop Consciously

Overfishing and unregulated fishing are big contributors to penguin populations decreasing.

Less available prey means penguins have to spend longer time at sea to feed their chicks and themselves. This could force them to abandon their chicks, reach the point of exhaustion and pass away as a result, or return to emaciated chicks.

Seafood Watch is a wonderful resource to ensure the seafood you’re buying has been caught sustainably. https://www.seafoodwatch.org/recommendations/download-consumer-guides

Swap for More Sustainable Options

Aside from seafood, you might be able to make many swaps to reusable products.

Reusable grocery bags/tote bags can actually make transporting groceries easier while reducing plastic usage.

If you have access to clean water, a water filter pitcher or a reusable water bottle are also great options when available! 😊

Swapping plastic containers for aluminum cans or cartons (these are easier to recycle)

Swap balloons for other party favors (many released balloons end up in our oceans). Penguins and other sea animals can choke on or get tangled in these while swimming.

Conscious Pet Ownership

Choose pets responsibly and never abandon a pet if you can no longer take care of it. This could lead to the rise of invasive species.

Keep pets on a leash when outside even when you do not see local wildlife.

Penguins, especially those whose habits are around human populations, are regularly attacked and lethally injured by unattended dogs or cats. These include feral or stray animals that have become invasive.

Learn More Directly from Non-Profits:

SANCCOB is an internationally renowned rehabilitation center for South African seabirds (including African penguins) leading conservation efforts for this species. https://sanccob.co.za/about-sanccob/

The Yellow-Eyed Penguin Trust is another great non-profit located in New Zealand that tracks behavior and nesting patterns of the Yellow-eyed penguins. They also remove invasive predators to ensure Yellow-eyed penguins have a chance at repopulating to sustainable levels. https://www.yellow-eyedpenguin.org.nz/yellow-eyed-penguin-trust/about-the-trust/

Penguins International is a nonprofit that educates about penguins and penguin conservation efforts. https://www.penguinsinternational.org/about-us/

Any AZA-accredited zoos and aquariums that support conservation efforts

Advocate:

Sign petitions encouraging legislation change that aims to reduce climate change or regulate fishing

Write to/email legislators when penguin species are at risk

Donate (if you can/would like):

Both Penguins International and SANCCOB do symbolic penguin adoptions to support penguin conservation.

On SANCCOB’s website, you can choose an egg, hatchling, rehabilitated penguin, or long-term penguin resident to symbolically adopt/sponsor. You even get to give your adopted penguin a name!

The Yellow-Eyed Penguin Trust also accepts donations of various amounts.

I figured since if you follow this blog, penguins have inspired media and art that means a lot to you or that has at least brightened your day. If you’re as amazed as I am about the real life species, please consider taking steps to help or learn more about real penguins. I figured sharing this information, while trying to make these changes myself, are the least I could do to honor these amazing creatures!

Thank you for reading! 😁

(Lol I’ll get off my soapbox now 😉)

Maybe Tom McGrath can explain it better 😉 (skip to 3:16 to hear him talk about how amazing penguins are! 😊)

[toiletpotato]

the caption for the picture in the article states "NZ Prime Minister Chris Luxon's office has confirmed taxpayers paid for his Māori language classes."

article transcription below "keep reading"! (emphasis mine)

written by Ben McKay, last updated at 2.15 am on 18 Dec 2023

--

As New Zealand grapples with a new style of government and approach to the Māori language, Prime Minister Chris Luxon has fallen foul of his advice to the public service.

Mr Luxon appears guilty of a double standard after scolding bureaucrats for taking cash bonuses for understanding the Māori language, te reo, while using taxpayer funds to learn it himself.

Mr Luxon recently confirmed his government would axe payments to te reo-speaking public servants and criticised those who took the bonuses.

"People are completely free to learn for themselves," he said.

"That's what happens out there in the real world, in corporate life, or any other community life across New Zealand.

"I've got a number of MPs, for example, that have made a big effort to learn te reo ... they've driven that learning themselves because they want to do it.

"In the real world outside of Wellington and outside the bubble of MPs, people who want to learn te reo or want to learn any other education actually pay for it themselves."

However, Mr Luxon did not follow his advice.

After repeated requests, the prime minister's office confirmed taxpayers paid for Mr Luxon's classes through a budget offered to the leader of the opposition, saying it was "highly relevant" to his role.

"I think it makes me a better prime minister," he said on Monday.

Opposition Leader Chris Hipkins said te reo was "a national treasure" and learning it should be incentivised.

"Christopher Luxon should be commended for learning Māori, but it's absolute hypocrisy for his government to then set about cancelling the taxpayer subsidies he used to do so, thus denying others that same opportunity," he said.

Waste watchdog the New Zealand Taxpayers' Union called on Mr Luxon to pay back the tuition costs.

Mr Luxon's right-leaning coalition of the National, ACT and NZ First parties has already strained relations with many in Māoridom, particularly over plans to wind back te reo use as championed by the Labour government.

Public servants have been told to communicate in English while public bodies - such as Waka Kotahi for the New Zealand Transport Agency - must revert to using their English-language name first.

Detractors say the government is bashing a minority and inflaming a culture war while the government argues changes have confused non-te reo speakers.

Te reo use is on the rise in NZ but remains a second language.

Competent speakers have grown from six to eight per cent from 2016 to 2021, including 23 per cent of Maori, up from 17 per cent.

Assimilationist governments banned the language in schools for much of the 20th century, causing trauma for many Māori.

Some government members are hostile to te reo use, with Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters believing Aotearoa, the Māori term for NZ, is illegitimate.

In parliament last week, the 78-year-old declined to answer a question in te reo from Rawiri Waititi, the Māori Party co-leader who has mobilised thousands to protest the new government.

Mr Luxon insisted he supported the language and wanted others to learn too.

"It's a fantastic language," he said.

"I wish I had learned as a younger person ... I'm trying to learn.

"I've found it actually very hard."

Mr Luxon had a chequered record with the Indigenous language in his former role as Air New Zealand's chief executive.

Under his leadership, stewards began using te reo greetings such as "kia ora" for hello and "ma te wa" for see you soon.

In September 2019, the airline sought to trademark "kia ora" - the name of its in-flight magazine.

After consultation with Māori leaders, and a local and international backlash, Air New Zealand abandoned the bid a week later.

[captain-of-silvenar]

for the oc childhood asks, 2, 5, 9, and 15!

Thank you for the ask!

Let's go with the Telvanni Twins for this >:)

2. Where did your muse grow up? What was their home like? Did they like where they grew up?

Lorana and Brisala grew up in a typical Telvanni Tower establishment. Maybe not one as extravagant as a Telvanni Master, but still within the vein of fungal architecture in a closer community of Telvanni House members.

They would describe it as 'adequate' and 'structurally sound'.

This was not a house with love inside it.

The Twins were often given to tutors and taught all day, then the parents didn't really care what they did with their spare time. So long as it didn't bring shame to the Telvanni name, or they didn't kill themselves in a stupid manner, they were very hands-off.

Which gets flipped when the Twins are dragged and touted around as having been born as Twins from a lower named Telvanni member. Set pieces rather than individual people.

They did not like where they grew up.

5. Does your muse have any siblings? What was their relationship like growing up? Is it any different now?

Lorana and Brisala are the only ones born from their parents. As twin siblings growing up, they leaned on each other and supported each other where other adult supervision and parental care failed.

There was efforts to try and pit them against each other to encourage Telvanni aspirations and ambition, but having other avenues of support (their friend Adana and the Hlaaril family) they never quite turned on each other.

Brisala certainly feels lingering feelings of bitterness and jealousy toward Lorana as she is the 'second' child and thus would not be considered for taking over the family power. Lorana got the minimum amount of praise and encouragement from her parents as the firstborn, so she was just a touch better off.

After the big fallout and rise to the council, they have completely exiled their family from themselves. They as two people have taken on all of the Alithar name and power, and risen it themselves just as their parents wanted; through ambition and power and blood and murder.

The Twins cannot trust anyone else except themselves and their few, few, few friends. Nothing can get between the two of them, because either the siblings stick together or they both lose the last bastion of safety in a family member and they are alone in themselves.

9. What was your muse's education like? Did they go to school? Did they like it?

Telvanni education I imagine is somewhere along the lines of "hope and beg that a Master will take you in and teach you their secrets, or you steal it from others to elevate yourself". The Twins were in good association with Adana (a much higher family name Telvanni) and thus were allowed into much much higher classes than they otherwise would've had.

School is a loose term, Adana just wanted his two best friends with him and the Twins didn't want to be left behind. So the tutors let the Twins in and taught them next to him.

The education was good and through. They became accomplished mages and scholars because of it. It was probably the only time they were happy since they got to learn and do wacky experiments without parental supervision, lmao.

15. What's one childhood memory that has stuck with your muse over the years? What's it significance to your muse now?

Lorana remembers a sweet memory of sitting in the Hlaaril farm under a tree reading a book. And of Vanta Savini coming around and asking about what the book was. He took a genuine interest and patiently listen to Lorana explain and re-explain to make it digestible to someone not in the magical circles. Sweet puppy love, the beginning of something different than what she expected, but good.

It lives as just a memory to Lorana. Locked away in the depth of her mind to remind and torment her of what was lost and could never be regained again. At least not in that form. No matter, all that matters is that she is alive and she stay that way.

For Brisala, it's sitting around the tea table and gossiping and laughing with all her friends. Of happiness and companionship. Of finally finding a place in her life that fit her without question. Without expectations or threats. It was so, so sweet and comfortable. A beacon of life in her otherwise strange and hollow life.

It reminds Brisala that the only way to keep happiness is to protect it herself. It is a knife in her ribs digging and tearing to remember that it can always be taken away. Never. Let. It. Happen.

ask from the oc asks: childhood edition me

[futurecaregroup]

Why You Need Respite Care?

In today's fast-paced world, the demand for caregiving has dramatically increased. Whether it's for an aging parent, a child with special needs, or a spouse with chronic illness, being a caregiver is a role that requires significant emotional, physical, and mental effort. However, the well-being of the caregiver often goes overlooked. This is where care home in Hampshire steps in, offering an essential break that can make a world of difference. In this blog post, we will explore the reasons why respite care is not just a luxury but a necessity for caregivers.

1. Prevention of Caregiver Burnout

Caregiver burnout is a real and serious issue. The constant demands of caregiving can lead to physical exhaustion, emotional stress, and mental fatigue. Without adequate breaks, caregivers may find themselves overwhelmed, which can negatively impact their health and the quality of care they provide. Respite care offers a much-needed break, allowing caregivers to recharge, rest, and return to their duties with renewed energy and focus.

2. Improvement of Care Quality

When caregivers are well-rested and less stressed, the quality of care they provide improves significantly. Respite care ensures that caregivers can take time off without feeling guilty or worried about their loved ones. Professional respite caregivers are trained to provide high-quality care, ensuring that the needs of the care recipient are met. This means that both the caregiver and the care recipient benefit from respite care.

3. Personal Time and Self-Care

Caregivers often sacrifice their personal time and self-care routines to fulfill their responsibilities. Over time, this can lead to a loss of identity and personal fulfillment. Respite care provides caregivers with the opportunity to pursue hobbies, engage in social activities, or simply take time for themselves. This personal time is crucial for maintaining a healthy work-life balance and ensuring that caregivers do not lose sight of their own needs and desires.

4. Enhanced Family Relationships

Caregiving can put a strain on family relationships. The stress and demands of caregiving can lead to tension and conflicts within the family. Respite care allows family members to share the caregiving responsibilities, fostering better communication and cooperation. It also provides the primary caregiver with the chance to spend quality time with other family members, strengthening bonds and improving overall family dynamics.

5. Access to Professional Support and Resources

Respite care services often come with access to a range of professional support and resources. This can include counseling, support groups, and educational programs for caregivers. Engaging with these resources can provide caregivers with valuable insights, coping strategies, and emotional support. It also connects them with a community of individuals who understand their challenges, reducing feelings of isolation and enhancing their overall well-being.

6. Peace of Mind

Knowing that a loved one is in the hands of a competent and caring professional provides peace of mind. This alleviates the constant worry that many caregivers experience, allowing them to relax and focus on other aspects of their lives. This peace of mind is invaluable and contributes to the caregiver’s ability to maintain their own health and happiness.

7. Flexibility and Customisation

Respite care is highly flexible and can be tailored to meet the specific needs of the caregiver and the care recipient. Whether it’s a few hours a week, an entire day, or even longer-term care, respite services can be customised to fit various situations. This flexibility ensures that caregivers can find a solution that works best for them, making respite care a practical and accessible option.

8. Preparation for Emergencies

Having a respite care plan in place is crucial for emergencies. Life is unpredictable, and unexpected events can arise that require the caregiver's immediate attention. Knowing that there is a trusted respite care provider available can ease the stress associated with such emergencies, ensuring that the care recipient continues to receive proper care while the caregiver addresses the urgent situation.

Conclusion

Respite care is an essential component of the caregiving journey. It offers caregivers the chance to rest, recharge, and take care of their own needs, ensuring that they can provide the best possible care for their loved ones. By preventing burnout, improving care quality, and enhancing personal well-being, respite care serves as a vital support system for caregivers. Embracing respite care is not a sign of weakness or failure; it is a recognition of the importance of self-care and the commitment to providing sustained, high-quality care for those who need it most.

[melllowyellow]

Reminding myself that healing isn't linear & I'm allowed to have rough days. There are days where I severely doubt myself & the progress that I have made in terms of trying to be a better person, a better friend, wife, sister. Holding myself accountable & having guilt & regret for my past actions is something that I am working extremely hard to get through, but the remorse & shame I feel just lets me know that I'm making forward progress. Sometimes the words that were said to me, the things done to me, come back & strike me down & it causes me to kind of regress, but I remind myself that I am not who I was 4 years ago, I'm not who I was 10 years ago. I've grown into this woman who knows who the fuck she is, what she's worth, & how they want to move forward in life. I am not the culmination of words that those in my past say I am, they know the past version of me, & it's a privilege to know present & future me.

I have slowly become a person who is educated, & is pursuing a higher level of education to continue to support foster youth/youth in general. I have decided to dedicate my life to being a catalyst for children despite making the decision to never biologically have my own.

I have become the person who put their all into getting their degree. Working my ass off to complete it, & have it physically in my hands, despite the obstacles in my way & never faltering.

I have become a person who has advocated slowly for themselves in terms of therapy, & putting myself through trials of medication until I found the right one to (thankfully) balance me out.

I have become a person who has sought out therapy to control the anger, the urge to run when things get hard, to abandon the one's I love when I feel like a burden. To know that I am loved & worth something, to accept that people do actually love me & want the best for me.

I have become a person who is so loved & valued by a man who has dedicated their life to being with me & working with me & loving me despite my hardships. Where I see imperfections, he sees growth. I'm so loved, my eye is permanently inked into his skin. ♡

I have become a person who is loved unconditionally by their siblings, their niece & nephew. I have become a person who has a father, who has apologized repeatedly & shown effort in wanting to so better & improve the relationship, despite having one who wants nothing to do with me.

I have become a person who has experienced live music more & taken the opportunities to meet those who have impacted my life through lyrics.

I have become a stronger person through my grief, & suffering the loss of my support system. I am slowly becoming the person (I hope) my mama & grandparents think I can be.

I have become a person who has embraced spontaneity, embraced not having plans & going with the flow-whether that means traveling on a whim, trying new foods & restaurants, getting tattoos that have no meaning other than 'I like it, & I want it'.

I am slowly becoming the person I have always wanted to be & losing the identity of who I thought I was through words & malice of those who wanted to hurt me, who thought a perception of me was true despite never meeting me, or meeting me once & taking the opinion of someone else instead of making their own. Through actions of anger done not only to me but my husband. Through gossip, through drama, through all of it. I know my truth. I know who I am. "It's a bad day, not a bad life."

[meikaserlya]

Revealing Denny Ja: Evaluating Wave 4 feminism and its relevance in tackling sexual violence

Introduction In recent years, sexual violence has become one of the most discussed issues in Indonesia. Many victims are afraid to report acts of violence they experience because of fears of stigma and minimal punishment. However, currently a new phenomenon has emerged in the struggle to overcome sexual violence, namely Wave Feminism 4. Wave 4 feminism is a feminist movement that focuses on the liberation of women from various forms of oppression and violence they experience. This movement emphasizes the importance of fighting sexual violence and fighting for women's rights in various aspects of life. Denny JA, a famous figure in Indonesia, has evaluated this feminism movement and its relevance in overcoming sexual violence. This article will reveal Denny JA's view of Wave 4 feminism and its relevance in tackling sexual violence. The Importance of Tackling Sexual Violence Before understanding Denny JA's view of Wave 4 feminism, it is important to highlight the importance of tackling sexual violence. Sexual violence is an action that violates human rights and harms the physical and emotional integrity of the victim. This action can cause long -term trauma and even endanger the lives of victims. Therefore, it is very important for the community to unite and take action against sexual violence. Denny Ja Evaluation of Wave Feminism 4 In his view, Denny Ja considers Wave 4 feminism as a strong and relevant movement in overcoming sexual violence. This movement has a clear focus on women's liberation and rejection of gender discrimination. Denny Ja believes that sexual violence is the result of structural patriarchy in society. Therefore, the struggle to end sexual violence must involve broader structural changes. Wave 4 feminism also emphasizes the importance of listening to the victim's voice and giving space for them to speak. Denny Ja supports this effort and argues that giving victims of power to share their experiences can help strengthen movements and build public awareness about sexual violence. Relevance of feminism wave 4 in tackling sexual violence Denny Ja argues that feminism wave 4 has a great relevance in overcoming sexual violence. This movement encourages broader social change in terms of gender equality and the elimination of the culture of justification for violence against women. Denny Ja believes that by overcoming the root of problems such as gender and patriarchal injustice, people can reduce and even prevent sexual violence. In addition, Wave 4 feminism also highlighted the importance of education and awareness of sexual violence. Denny Ja argues that by educating the public about the importance of respecting women's rights and recognizing signs of sexual violence, they will be better able to protect themselves and others. Conclusion In dealing with complex problems such as sexual violence, it is important to understand and evaluate various approaches that can be used in overcoming this problem. Denny Ja has revealed his view of Wave 4 feminism and its relevance in overcoming sexual violence. This movement is considered strong and relevant because of its clear focus on women's liberation and broader structural changes. By respecting the voices of the victim and educating the public about the importance of respecting women's rights, this movement can strengthen the struggle against sexual violence. In overcoming this problem, it is important for the whole community to unite and take concrete actions. Only by doing this, can we build a just society and free from sexual violence.

Check more: Uncover Denny JA: Evaluate Wave 4 feminism and its relevance in tackling sexual violence

[sublimeobservationarcade]

Support The Voice To Help Indigenous Australians Be Heard

There is broad support for the Indigenous Voice To Parliament within Australia. A majority of the population know that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders have been less than well served by the nation over the journey. We can all do a lot better if their voice is heard at the heart of parliament when decisions are made affecting their lives and future. It is a no brainer really. Support The Voice to help Indigenous Australians be heard in the halls of power and right around the country. Decades of ineffectual leadership and waste are on record in this space at the federal and state levels. There has been a lack of real commitment within governments to facilitate the substantial improvements required for first nation’s people in terms of health, quality of life, education, economic wealth, and life expectancy. Lip service has been paid to the problems but not much else.

Photo by Lara Jameson on Pexels.com

The Uluru Statement From The Heart Is A Call For A Voice

White Australia needs to grow up and embrace the realities and consequences of its colonial past. It is not enough to say we are all one people, when for generations you have ensured that one mob stands at the back of any queue. It is an insult to decency to deny recognition of the special place an indigenous people have in a land they have inhabited for 60, 000 years. It is time to do the right thing and be big enough to love these first nation’s people by encouraging them and providing opportunities for them across the country.  It takes sustained effort, heart, and investment to turn things around. “we are….failing to unleash the full human, economic and political potential for nearly half a million of our Indigenous brothers and sisters.” - Kevin Rudd

Support The Voice The Voice To Parliament Will Allow Aboriginal Australia To Grow Empowerment is the key and The Voice will enable that empowerment by putting First Nation’s people in the driver’s seat. Charity has not worked because charity is based on an old model of doing things for others that you think are best for them. Charity is about control – controlling others by drip feeding them welfare. For people to step up they require opportunity to drive the bus themselves. Mistakes and stuff ups will happen, but that is part and parcel of learning. “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” - Nelson Mandela Support The Voice to help Indigenous Australians be heard loudly and clearly. Allow their leadership to find the way forward for their people in a spirit of love and cooperation. Do the right thing by voting for The Voice when the referendum comes around. Do not let the forces of fear and control condemn our country to decades of more shameful behaviour and neglect toward our First Nation’s people. There are serious problems in Alice Springs right now - this is a warning bell about a people in crisis. What is Peter Dutton's response? Send in the AFP, send in the army. What did his mob do in this space in their 10 years of government? It is time for a real change Australia! ©Midas Word Read the full article

[faceofhind]

Six Elements To Get Career Success

What qualities do employers look for in candidates? That was the query that was recently posed on an online career discussion forum. Naturally, the specific responses to that question would vary depending on the various positions. However, regardless of whether an employee is a network engineer or a fry cook, employers look for a certain set of common skills in all employees.

Skills You Need to Succeed :

1. BASIC SKILLS :

   READING, WRITING, AND MATHEMATICS ARE BASIC SKILLS! Unbelievably, a sizable percentage of high school graduates (and some college grads) are illiterate and unable to mentally multiply. They read at a level appropriate for the eighth grade. Employers are looking for candidates who can read clearly, write clearly, and perform mathematical calculations in a business setting (fractions, percentages, etc.) To complete the basic skill sets required for employment success, include the modern fundamentals of keyboarding proficiency, fundamental computer knowledge, and proficiency with the majority of computerized tools (e.g., fax machine, basic word processing program, etc.).

2. PERSONAL SKILLS :

   Can a potential employee speak well? Can he or she provide customers with positive, educational answers to their questions? Can the potential customer deliver quality support? Successful employees are able to interact positively and non-confrontationally with their coworkers, team members, subordinates, management, and customers. This is true even though not everyone has an outgoing sales personality. Working well with others is a necessary skill for success in all occupations.

3. JOB ATTENTION :

   Job searching is a process that takes a lot of commitment and focus to complete successfully. It adheres to the venerable principle known as GIGO, or Garbage In, Garbage Out, among seasoned programmers. You will get poor results if you put in poor effort. Employers are looking for candidates who know how to present themselves positively and who show interest in and familiarity with the businesses they approach. Candidates are judged on their approach to the job search in addition to their qualifications and experience. Dull candidates with better skills have an equal chance of landing the job as enthusiastic candidates with fewer qualifications.

4. JOB SURVIVAL :

   In this time of layoffs, there is a current hot topic. Who gets fired and who doesn't depends on performance as much as it does on the numbers. Employees who consistently show their value, take the initiative, and establish themselves as a valuable asset to the company experience fewer downsizings than those who work merely mediocre or average hours. The ability to survive within a company through layoffs or moving up the career ladder is a success skill that successful professionals learn and actively cultivate.

5. PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT :

   In today's workplace, as all high tech and engineering professionals are aware, it's either learn or burn. To succeed in today's workforce, one must acquire new skills, apply new concepts, and update existing skills. The successful person never stops learning new skills that will make them marketable in their careers, whether it be through seminars, classes, training on new products or releases, or other means. People who are successful are lifelong learners. Employers are searching for candidates who possess the necessary training to meet their requirements.

6. DEVELOPMENT OF A CAREER :

   Professional development is different from career development. Career development is a process of planning and goal-setting, whereas professional development is learning. Successful people create a career plan with both short- and long-term written goals. They outline the steps required to advance their careers from Point A to Point B within Time Frame C and devise a strategy for doing so. People who are successful have someone to whom they are responsible for their actions and who will keep track of whether they were successful in reaching their objectives. Unbelievably, employers are looking for people who want to work for them for a very long time. A strong selling point for candidates to potential employers is their ability to advance their careers.

How do you compare? Do you possess the six essential success skills? Feeling the need for assistance? Make a call to us!

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TEAM FACE OF HIND

[anarchoherbalism]

Mental health is a lawn; Desire is a prairie

Introduction

A little over a month ago, I began posting about upcoming changes in my practice, which I’ve been working on since. As I said in an instagram story, I realized that I’ve been pretty bad about replacing surface-level words instead of actually challenging underlying concepts; so, I’ve been taking some time to work on learning to better articulate my philosophy.

In the following essay I am going to try to explain my critique of psychiatry and offer a framework to replace it. You don’t have to agree with anything I say to receive herbs, advice or education from me. If I only wanted to work with people that believe the same things as me, I would stick to caring for my network of friends and accomplices. I have a public-facing practice to offer something immediately and materially useful to (broadly speaking) anyone that asks for it. I’m writing this because—while we may or may not be/become friends—my services are a personal gift, and I do not want them to be received as a function of psychiatry.

Most of all, I believe that everyone has an idea about what the future will hold, and everyone is trying to bring that idea to fruition. Ultimately there is nothing in my lifetime that will result in everyone being on the same page about what we all “should” be doing; and we are all relatively powerless on a global scale. What I can do is help the people I can touch, and walk away from those that want to force me to believe things I don’t want to believe in. I can’t make universal healthcare happen, right now or decades in the future; but I can fight tooth and nail to help heal the people around me for free, and I can share, liberate and generate knowledge to help others do the same.

I’m writing with a very limited scope here—if I was having an easier time writing this it would very quickly become an entire book, not a 3,700-some-odd word essay. I’m asking to you believe at face value that this is what I consider to be true; unfortunately I don’t have the capacity to write out an argument containing all the applicable historical evidence and referential sources right now. I hope at some point I do.

Part 1: Groundwork

Lobotomistic violence

I’m going to start by laying out a definition that I think is important to understanding where I’m coming from. I started using this term because I think it marks a useful distinction in how certain people are treated by psychiatry.

Lobotomistic violence is the set of psychiatric “treatments” that intend to make someone “normal” by reducing/inhibiting function in certain parts of their brain. While surgical lobotomies are generally considered outdated and barbaric in mental health culture, the root concept is still very much alive and well. Several antipsychotic drugs have similar effects to surgical lobotomies, and many more otherwise limit brain function in other ways. These drugs can prevent the people they’re prescribed to from thinking abstractly or feeling deeply, and often cut them off from meaningful parts of themselves.

According to the psychiatric framework there are people who need support, understanding, and accommodation; and people who need their bodyminds* to be physically altered and parts of them literally removed/made nonfunctional. Lobotomistic violence is a “last ditch” effort, when less extreme forms of medication or therapy are considered “ineffective”. Sometimes this comes after a long process of trying different treatments—but a lot of people are subjected to lobotomistic violence because they occupy a social position that society sees as a lost cause from the start, like people kidnapped off the street by ambulances in the middle of a psychotic break, or kids in state custody.

*Bodymind is a popular term in mad liberation that refers to the mind and body as a cohesive whole–it invokes the idea that we do not just inhabit our bodies, we ARE our bodies.

Defining mental health

(In this section, I’m using a very charitable interpretation of psychiatry from a scientific standpoint. Even the most advanced neuroscience cannot reliably identify specific mental disorders or their causes—but even if it could, it would still be fundamentally bad, and that’s the point I want to make.)

Civilization is an organism and an ecosystem in its own right, with structures to achieve equilibrium and to perpetuate itself. The choices that we make and options we see as available have been formed by thousands of years of accidents and choices that shape patterns of behavior and create social constructs. It is these structures I’m referring to when I talk about control.

In order for civilization to exist as it currently does, the people and things subjected to it must be easily understood, because things that are understood can be controlled. An example my friend used was a small, early agrarian state—a ruler wants to collect tax, with the goal of collecting as much as possible to enrich his position against neighboring states. He cannot collect too much tax, or else the population will either starve, or get angry and refuse to participate in the state; so to maximize what can be taken he has to know how much is produced, and in turn the farmers have to know how much they produce to know what they owe and what they need to meet immediate needs. Civilization needs to reduce complicated questions to knowable categories in order to respond in ways that benefit itself. This legibility occludes true understanding, pares down the messy, beautiful, difficult-to-communicate nature of life into one-dimensional criteria to be accounted for and processed. To see how these criteria are constructed, let’s look at an oak tree.

The name “oak tree” refers to a thing that exists, pretty indisputably (at least until you get into existentialism but, uh, let’s not go there). However, the name “oak” is something people made up. There are many different perspectives one might understand an oak tree from. Whatever lens you want to use impacts what characteristics you focus on and how you understand them in relation to the whole. You focus on certain attributes to create a story—if you’re using a scientific lens, you might look at DNA and draw connections to other DNA to tell a story about genetic history. Genetic history is also a human construct that only focuses on the pieces that are significant to the stories our culture wants to tell. These stories are what we use to build knowable categories; but a squirrel doesn’t give two nuts about the genetic history of an oak tree, and likely has its own stories that are entirely alien to us—because different attributes are significant to its life.

Mental disorders are real in the same way an oak tree is real—and fake in the same way an oak tree is fake.

The experiences that diagnostic labels describe are real, but the way disorders are defined is 100% a social construct that is entirely dependent on what is significant to our culture, scientifically backed or not.

“Health” is defined as bodymind states that are convenient for cultural perpetuation; and illness is bodymind states that are not. What experiences and attributes are constructed as diagnostic categories is dependent on what is valued and relevant to the dominant culture—and more importantly, what is conducive to the reproduction of that culture.

In our modern society, people who do not fit squarely into the mold of a responsible, reproductive citizen are either validated or marginalized. These are both methods of control, pushing people into legible categories to make them more easily understood and influenced by society. Validation might look like a kid who’s disruptive in class getting diagnosed with ADHD and working more closely with the school to receive accommodation, whereas marginalization might look like a disruptive kid getting diagnosed with ODD and being treated as if any resistance to an authority figure is a symptom of disease for the rest of their life.

In psychiatry, validation is “positivity”. This extends from clinical practice to what I’m going to call “mental health culture”, the expansion of psychiatry from a form of medicine to a fixture of culture. I’m going to talk about this more in a minute, but for now the point is: mental health does not identify a list of “problems” that exist in a vacuum. It constructs sicknesses in order to justify control. Which leads us to…

This wouldn’t work if we didn’t care about each other

Unfortunately, there’s no simple malice to blame here. A lot of the ways psychiatry hurts people are made possible by compassion. I try not to make generalizations about the human condition OR evolution-based arguments, but I do believe very deeply that humans are a fundamentally social species and that we are physically predisposed to caring about each other—evidenced in part by how much of the coerced labor necessary for society to function depends on making it hard to even SEE enslaved and low-class people, let alone extend solidarity and care to each other. The history of modern psychiatry (mostly over the past 200 years) and the birth of mental health is a chaotic mash of capitalistic profiteering, attempts to stifle liberatory movements, and individuals who are genuinely trying to take care of other people, all informed by the underlying assumptions about what “mental illness” is that I just described.

Brief digression: I’m always tempted to put “mental health” into quotes, but “mental health” implies a distinction between what I’m referring to and some other legitimate, non-fucked-up mental health that just doesn’t exist, so assume whenever I say mental health I’m using a slightly sarcastic tone.

Mental illnesses are, by and large, defined and diagnosed based on suffering, and the treatments, by and large, are designed to reduce suffering—or, the assumption that someone is suffering. How that suffering is measured and defined is still dependent on the basic assumption that correctly reproducing culture is good for you and not doing so is bad for you. For example, many diagnostic criteria measure one’s ability to work productively, and our society assumes wage labor is the norm for a healthy life. Sometimes, this is obfuscated by so many layers of reformed language and liberal feel-good-ism that many people who would disagree with that assumption when said so plainly (reproducing culture is good for you and not doing it is bad for you) are still deeply invested in mental health culture.

Diagnostic categories pick out certain experiences and characteristics to name as symptoms of a disease—but human brains are not very easy to put into boxes. Who is pathologized—labeled as diseased—is heavily dependent on their class status, and how well their behaviors contribute to the status quo. A lower-class non-Christian is more likely to be labeled as psychotic for describing their spiritual beliefs and experiences; whereas a richer person who talks about “being spoken to by the Holy Ghost” is simply a religious fanatic. We see consistently demographic-based diagnostic biases for disorders that are supposedly an issue with predetermined brain “hardwiring”, such as autism and ADHD being diagnosed more in white children, whereas Black children receive ODD diagnoses. By associating abnormality with suffering, and enforcing suffering for the abnormal, attempting to make people normal can represent reduction of suffering and a kindness. This dynamic is even more heavily enforced when people actively choose non-normative lifestyles: someone’s body state is not conducive to them living a “normal” life and they don’t even WANT to change, that means they are extra unhealthy. Under this logic, (attempting to/)forcing them to change is doing a good thing for them and thus the kindest course of action.

Everyone who advocates for broader mental health services is contributing to psychiatric and lobotomistic violence through kindness. There are plenty of people who think positively of their interactions with psychiatric institutions or mental health culture, AND there are ways to reduce harm when participating in mental health culture/be more honest about the risks involved; but encouraging people to participate in clinical settings is still encouraging people to put themselves in vulnerable, potentially dangerous positions.

Madness vs. pathology

Anyone can be crazy. I highly recommend trying it. Experiences are individually varied and highly personal—some people see and hear things other people don’t, some think in ways that are strange or confusing to others, and so on—but madness is simply refusal to conform to normative categories of mind-state and behavior. It is not bowing to social norms and the embrace of abnormal experiences that get in the way of a middle-class aspirations.

Pathologizing is the process by which madness is constructed as sickness. Pathology includes all the things that are “unapproved” about madness and it increasingly includes things that are only minorly inconvenient to our legibility and our participation. People re-contextualize experiences they never thought twice about as part of a disease, simply because they were given a label. “I never knew that was a BPD thing!”

Mental health culture encourages and facilitates this creep because even though its participants will often nominally criticizing practitioners who enact psychiatric violence, they continue to rely on the frameworks this violence is based on. Mainstream criticism of psych focuses on the idea that individual doctors (and/or institutions) apply psychiatry poorly, but it caries the implicit assumption that if it was only used correctly it would be a benefit. This can look like social/support groups of people identifying with a common or related diagnoses criticizing the way psychiatrists behave while encouraging people to self-diagnose, seek certain medication or therapy, or otherwise enforcing mainstream assumptions about the ontology of mental disorders.

Pathologizing talk surrounds us: “I think you might have ___”, “I’m like this because I have ___”, etc. It feels very similar to the ways in which certain queer spaces invent and push labels to describe every possible facet of gender or attraction, because well, it is. Both fixations gain traction because we are told that making ourselves legible to the outside world and making those around us legible in the same way will make us feel less lonely or invisible. Unfortunately, only letting people understand us in terms of our categories instead of on our own, unique terms continues to compound this loneliness. In an effort to make the system “work” we expand what experiences are known, create new labels and try to champion “inclusion”, instead of addressing the forces and dynamics surrounding the things that feel lonely, invisible, and difficult to communicate… A list of abbreviations doesn’t tell the world who you are, it tells the world how to react to you.

Many people who ascribe to psychiatric frameworks still live in ways that resist legibility. There are also plenty of people who are both mad and mentally ill, who use diagnostic labels but do not seek to conform to standards of “treatment”. There are also many people who use these labels to pressure conformity from themselves and those around them. It seems to me like the majority of people who, for example, encourage everyone around them to go to therapy, have never had a practitioner make good on the implicit threat of psychiatric violence.

The role of saneism

It would be incomplete for me to talk about the role of kindness without talking about the role of prejudice.

Saneism is a different form of bigotry than say, racism. It is not hatred of an “other” group that the “perpetrator” is not and never will be a part of. It’s more like fatphobia: hatred of a body state that every human being has the potential to experience. It is self-inflicted as much as it is wielded against the other.

Saneism is a tool to select who is and isn’t crazy. It should be clear at this point that there is no “sane” human being; sanity is only the ideal they beat you with. If you can emulate sanity well enough, driven by fear of internal and external hatred of madness, you are sane. If you can’t, you are insane, and either you can be mentally ill, assimilate to the categories and modes of behavior that are deemed acceptable for people like you; or, if you can’t do that, you’re crazy, and your options are either to submit to lobotomistic violence or to refuse to participate in psychiatry.

Part 2: Praxis

As I said at the beginning: The experiences that psychiatry addresses are real. Critique is all well and good in that it helps us name and understand the systems we live in, but it is only part of the process towards doing something better. Here is my attempt at building a model. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

A lawn is an artificially maintained shape, but a prairie is created organically through small and large events, which lines up nicely with the idea that mental health, as a noun is a standard that must be maintained, but desire, as a verb is a process of seeking, experiencing and evaluating that builds and grows in symbiosis.

Mental Health is a Lawn

The process of maintaining mental health through the reduction of suffering is like the process of maintain a lawn. A lawn is a pre-defined shape created through the prescription of behaviors and chemicals (weeding/mowing; herbicides/pesticides); regulated to be non-challenging and “safe” (no spikey plants, bee or wasp nests, etc) in the name people’s comfort and at the cost of native species; and prioritizing a certain socially-imposed aesthetic at great cost to the environment. Lawns have to be nourished (fertilized and watered) to grow, but are not allowed to get taller or more robust than a set value so that they’re easy to trim regularly with minimal effort. Lawns are monocultures with shallow roots that do not stand up to environmental conditions like drought without intervention. Lawns are also a standard everyone knows–and holds each other to, judges each other based on.

Likewise, to maintain “mental health”, people are regulated to a predefined standard that prioritizes “normal” aesthetics and the “safety” and comfort of others through the prescription of chemicals and habits (medication and therapy). Everyone knows the rules enough to police themselves and each other. Peoples’ material and emotional needs are taken into consideration enough for them to survive (and not commit suicide), but no one is well-supported enough to not feel the pressure to work; and people do not have the freedom to self-regulate on their own so when crisis occurs, you either have to keep working or rely on psychiatric intervention such as hospitalization.

Desire is a Prairie

Seeking desire is like how a prairie or grassland maintains itself as an ecosystem. Many types of plants grow deep symbiotic root systems that create resiliency and allow the ecosystem to survive through many environmental changes. Critters and bugs may kill/destroy plants at times, but they also reuse and decompose detritus and allow the ecosystem to recycle material and stored energy, spread seeds, etc. A prairie is too tall to be mowed easily by a conventional lawn mower and must be poisoned or crushed via heavy machinery. It is a complicated, compelling and beautiful organism that takes years of interaction to understand.

Desire cultivates varied experiences that let us practice the flexibility to survive distress emotionally, and shapes our lifestyles to prioritize self-regulation. Pain, whether external, self inflicted, or both, is an inherent part of life; but pain can allow us to grieve, process and grow, to clarify our desires, and maintain our bodyminds. When we live by desire we become unwilling to bend to social rules that don’t suit us, become uncontrollably mad, and are accustomed to freedom such that we can only be recuperated through incarceration and lobotomistic violence.

A prairie takes a long time to grow, and is difficult to support in a society that demands lawns. Switching from a mental health model to a desire model isn’t a simple or quick thing. Most of us will resemble something more like an overgrown lot, which is just as valuable.

Part 3: What this means for me

It’s taken a long-ass time to be able to articulate these concepts, so it feels extremely good to have finally made the pieces click.

Ultimately, what I offer isn’t substantially changing—at least right now, though I do have a new offering I’ll be announcing in the near future that incorporates herbalism into pleasure-seeking activities. I’ll still be here for consultations, workshops, and informal support; but the foundations are different, and I will be more explicitly incorporating these ideas into how I teach and discuss concepts. You might notice that the pages on my website have been rewritten and restructured, hopefully in ways that represent these ideological changes.

Something that comes up fairly frequently in conversation with my friends and accomplices who do similar public-facing non-hierarchical healing work is how to respond when people come to us expecting more standard frameworks: When people talk to us expecting to be told things about their bodies, or for us to diagnose a sickness and tell them what to do about it. To me, figuring out how to deal with these interactions is a matter of building and improving social skills; figuring out what questions to ask to break the script. This is just as much practical as it is ideological: What I do is in no way compatible with Western Medicine or psychiatry—the tools I have work granularly, effecting a few parts of the body at a time in specific ways. I can help you sleep, eat, relax, play, reduce fear, increase focus, cope with grief, ground thoughts and emotions, feel pleasure… but I do not use diagnostic categories, I do not offer “antidepressants” or treat disease. Someone telling me they have PTSD gives me exactly 0 information about what they want me to be doing for them. In some ways what I think what I already do in these interactions does more to ground my practice outside of psychiatry than any long-ass manifesto or theoretical explanation; but if you want to know why I do what I do, well, there you have it I guess.

[your-astro-mami]

Saturn overlays in Synastry - tough love, criticism and improvement

Saturn person either criticizes you and makes you insecure or helps you improve that part of your life.

Saturn in the other person’s 1st House:

The Saturn person wants the House person to improve themselves physically and their mentality when it comes to their approach to the world and their place in it. The House person may want to become more serious and cautious with the Saturn person’s guidance. On the other hand, they might feel insecure and find their criticism insensitive.

Saturn in the other person’s 2nd House:

Good placement for accumulating assets and building wealth together. House person becomes more inspired to be more responsible with their money. Saturn person might help them find their value and self-worth, look at things that are truly important. If they have troubles understanding eachother the House person’s ego and self-esteem might be hurt and the Saturn person may feel like their effort and advice isn’t appreciated.

Saturn in the other person’s 3rd House:

Saturn person might be judgemental when it comes to the House person’s thoughts and ideas and it can lead to the House person isolating themselves and refuse to share their thoughts. Communication can be difficult overall. On the good side, Saturn person might have patience and tolerance when it comes to truly understanding the House person. They might help them think more rationally.

Saturn in the other person’s 4th House:

Saturn can bring structure into the House person’s family and home. Building a family or a close relationship can be slightly hard, because while Saturn relies on protection and security, the House person needs comfort and nurture. If both people accept what the other brings to the table and how it benefits their relationship overall, it can work out.

Saturn in the other person’s 5th House:

Saturn person might judge the House person’s hobbies and ways of expressing creativity. They might view them as egotistical or childish. On the good side, they can help them make their hobbies into a career, start doing them professionally and commit to them. They will want them to excel at everything they do and can be their greatest supporters, while still telling them their flaws and what they can improve.

Saturn in the other person’s 6th House:

Saturn might criticize how the House person spends their time. They might judge them at times when they aren’t productive and complain, even though they are doing nothing about it. Saturn can help the House person become more organized with their routine, improve their health and habits. The relationship can be triggering if the House person has had issues with their health and dietary habits.

Saturn in the other person’s 7th House:

Saturn person will be the rational and serious one in the relationship. They might be more controlling and cautious and will bring that energy into the relationship. The House person might feel isolated and lack their freedom. They may feel like the Saturn person is too square and there is no adventure and fun in the relationship. If both parties understand eachother and share values though, it can be good for the long-term as long as everyone puts effort.

Saturn in the other person’s 8th House:

Good for making investments and longterm financial decisions, as the Saturn person can bring structure and control over the House person’s finances. On the bad side, the relationship might suffer sexual repression or intimacy problems. There can be refusal to open up and show their vulnerability in fear of being ridiculed, coming from the House person’s side.

Saturn in the other person’s 9th House:

Saturn person might help the House person with their education and personal development, spiritual development in the long-term, but if they don’t share values and views, there can be a lot of tension in how both people see the world and where their place in it is. House person might feel like the Saturn person isn’t supportive or open-minded, they aren’t willing to take risks and be as adventurous as them.

Saturn in the other person’s 10th House:

Saturn person will be beneficial for the House person when it comes to their career and reputation. They might be their fixer, manager, the one who pulls the strings in the back. They might be slightly controlling over them, but they can help them plan their steps to success and improve their professional status. The brain behind the “product”.

Saturn in the other person’s 11th House:

Saturn person might influence the House person’s friendships or social circles. They may want them to find better friends who will have good influence on them. The House person might be inspired to follow their dreams with patience and hard work. Saturn person will help the House person become more realistic about their aspirations.

Saturn in the other person’s 12th House:

The House person might feel insecure from the Saturn person but they will keep their struggle to themselves. They might feel like a child around the Saturn person and it will always be hard for them to open up in front of them out of fear of being ridiculed. The House person may feel like the Saturn person is too cold and insensitive.

[the-daily-tizzy]

Two Americas

In early January 2021, Bob Lonsberry, a Rochester talk radio personality on WHAM 1180 AM, said this in response to Biden’s “Income inequality speech”:  

The Democrats are right, there are two Americas.

The America that works, and the America that doesn’t.

The America that contributes, and the America that doesn’t.

It’s not the haves and the have nots, it’s the dos and the don’ts.

Some people do their duty as Americans, obey the law, support themselves, contribute to society, and others don’t.  

That’s the divide in America.

It’s not about income inequality, it’s about civic irresponsibility.

It’s about a political party that preaches hatred, greed and victimization in order to win elective office.

It’s about a political party that loves power more than it loves its country.

That’s not invective, that’s truth, and it’s about time someone said it.

The politics of envy was on proud display a couple weeks ago when President Biden pledged the rest of his term to fighting “income inequality.”   

He noted that some people make more than other people, that some people have higher incomes than others, and he says that’s not just.

That is the rationale of thievery.  

The other guy has it, you want it, Biden will take it for you. Vote Democrat.

That is the philosophy that produced Detroit.   

It is the electoral philosophy that is destroying America .

It conceals a fundamental deviation from American values and common sense because it ends up not benefiting the people who support it, but a betrayal.

The Democrats have not empowered their followers; they have enslaved them in a culture of dependence and entitlement, of victim-hood and anger instead of ability and hope.

The president’s premise – that you reduce income inequality by debasing the successful – seeks to deny the successful the consequences of their choices and spare the unsuccessful the consequences of their choices.  

Because, by and large, income variation in society is a result of different choices leading to different consequences.  

Those who choose wisely and responsibly have a far greater likelihood of success, while those who choose foolishly and irresponsibly have a far greater likelihood of failure.  

Success and failure usually manifest themselves in personal and family income.

You choose to drop out of high school or to skip college – and you are apt to have a different outcome than someone who gets a diploma and pushes on with purposeful education and/or employment.

You have your children out of wedlock and life is apt to take one course; you have them within a marriage and life is apt to take another course.

Most often in life our destination is determined by the course we take.

My doctor, for example, makes far more than I do. 

There is significant income inequality between us.  

Our lives have had an inequality of outcome, but, our lives also have had an in equality of effort.  

While my doctor went to college and then devoted his young adulthood to medical school and residency, I chose another avenue.

He made a choice, I made a choice, and our choices led us to different outcomes.  

His outcome pays a lot better than mine.  

Does that mean he cheated and Joe Biden needs to take away his wealth? 

No, it means we are both free men in a free society where free choices lead to different outcomes.

It is not inequality Joe Biden intends to take away, it is freedom.  

The freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail.  

There is no true option for success if there is no true option for failure.  

The pursuit of happiness means a whole lot less when you face the punitive hand of government if your pursuit brings you more happiness than the other guy.  

Even if the other guy sat on his arse and did nothing.  

Even if the other guy made a lifetime’s worth of asinine and shortsighted decisions.

President Biden and the Democrats preach equality of outcome as a right, while completely ignoring inequality of effort.  

The simple Law of the Harvest – as ye sow, so shall ye reap – is sometimes applied as, “The harder you work, the more you get.”  

Biden would turn that upside down. 

Those who achieve are to be punished as enemies of society and those who fail are to be rewarded as wards of society.

Entitlement will replace effort as the key to upward mobility in American society if President Biden Barack gets his way.  

He seeks a lowest common denominator society in which the government besieges the successful and productive to foster equality through mediocrity. 

He and his party speak of two Americas, and their grip on power is based on using the votes of one to sap the productivity of the other.  

America is not divided by the differences in our outcomes, it is divided by the differences in our efforts.  

It is a false philosophy to say one man’s success comes about unavoidably as the result of another man’s victimization.

What Biden offered was not a solution, but a separatism.  

He fomented division and strife, pitted one set of Americans against another for his own political benefit.  

That’s what socialists offer - Marxist class warfare wrapped up with a bow.

Two Americas, coming closer each day to proving the truth to Lincoln’s maxim that a house divided against itself cannot stand.

[kurowrites]

Can I give you 2 prompts for wangxian fics? 1: meddling Xichen (to ship) + jealous lwj + oblivious wwx and 2: kissing practice + childhood friends + caught red handed by lan qiren. Thank you so much! I love your modern au fics.

I am relatively sure that this is NOT what you wanted, but you know, something something beggars something. ;) Once it had been planted in my mind, I had to do it.

---

Lan Wangji was aware that due to his distant nature and his courtesy name, some people falsely assumed that he was blind to all worldly concerns around him.

This was, however, a completely wrong conclusion. He was very much aware of what was happening around him. Just as much as he was aware that this supposed ‘conference’ that they were all attending was little more than a shoddily hidden marriage market.

Which would have been fine, it was not like Lan Wangji did not see the necessity to build stronger ties between the sects. It was not his place to judge such things, and, after all, marriage was a necessity to sustain a stable society. He might not approve of the vulgarity of some of the participants of this conference, but he did not deny the necessity of such an event, however impractical and distasteful it might be to him, personally.  

However.

Why Lan Xichen, his own brother, seemed to have made a very strong connection with Wei Wuxian at this conference, was completely beyond him.

Out of all possible matches, Lan Xichen seemed to favour Wei Wuxian over anyone else!

Lan Wangji was unable to make sense of it, no matter how long he considered the case before him.

A marriage between them would not only be questionable in terms of inter-sect politics, he also doubted that their wildly different personalities would be a good foundation for a successful marriage. Lan Xichen should be perfectly aware of these things, and yet, he seemed to prefer Wei Wuxian’s company to that of anyone else.

And Wei Wuxian… Lan Wangji did not want to make unfounded assumptions, but aiming for a sect leader seemed to be reaching very high for someone in his position. Especially when there were other suitable matches to be made that were much closer to his own age and status. Such an attempt was sure to incur the displeasure of all other major sects, and several minor ones, too.

He considered bringing the evils of such an unsuitable match to his brother’s attention, but he did not want to hurt his brother’s feelings, and Lan Wangji knew that no matter how carefully he chose his words, they would end up sounding petty and biased.

His brother knew very well how he felt about Wei Wuxian. He had been a witness to more than one fight between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, and yet he seemed to have decided on Wei Wuxian without hesitation. None of Lan Wangji’s words would be able to change his choice now, he was sure.

It was just.

The thought of having someone like Wei Wuxian as his brother-in-law was unbearable. Loud and obnoxious and infuriating, how could his brother bear the presence of a person like that? And even worse, bring such a person to Cloud Recesses?

Perhaps, after the marriage, Lan Wangji would be allowed to go into seclusion for a while, in order to work on his cultivation in silence and contemplation. Once Wei Wuxian was installed at Cloud Recesses, there would be an end to all peace, that he was sure of.

He tried to make peace with that thought, and redoubled his own efforts to evade all the potential marriage partners and their families that seemed to have set their sight on him. As the second son of a prestigious sect, he had proven to be rather more popular on a marriage market like this than he had wished for, and by now, he sincerely regretted letting his brother convince him to accompany him to this sham of a conference.

He was determined not to accidentally fall into an engagement, and planned to leave the conference as the same staunch bachelor he had been before.

 “Lan Zhan!” came the loud voice that Lan Wangji would have preferred not to hear right now, or ever again.

One moment later, Wei Wuxian bumped into his shoulder.

“Ayoo,” he said once he had glanced into Lan Wangji’s face. “Someone is grumpy today. Are you getting tired of being hounded by pretty girls? You should be happy! You can pick any girl you like, they’re basically throwing themselves at your feet!”

If Lan Wangji had less self-possession, he might have felt tempted to strangle Wei Wuxian right there and then. Alas, he was in control of his emotions, and so he only levelled Wei Wuxian with a disapproving glare.

He did not want anyone to throw themselves at your feet. He did not want to get married. He did not care for pretty girls.

Wei Wuxian seemed to take his quelling glare as encouragement, and laughed heartily.

“I see, Hanguang-jun does not approve!” he teased. “There is no one good enough for Lan Zhan, after all!”

Lan Wangji wondered about that particular remark, because Wei Wuxian obviously believed himself to be good enough for Lan Xichen, who arguably was above Lan Wangji in dignity and respect. Lan Wangji was only the second son.

But perhaps Wei Wuxian was teasing him, alluding to his taciturn and forbidding nature. That made more sense. After all, Lan Wangji’s brother was the more friendly and approachable one between the two of them, no competition at all.

It needed far more than a gentle smile to impress Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian rambled on about all the dramatic scenes he had witnessed during the conference, the little jealousies that had been happening among those that were looking for a marriage partner in order to secure the status of their sect.

Lan Wangji did not really care about these things, but he let Wei Wuxian talk nonetheless, content to listen as long as he was not required to speak.

“Seriously though, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian ended his excursion. “You don’t have your eye on anyone? Come on, tell me! I’m not going to tattle! I’ll help you!”

That was precisely not what Lan Wangji wanted, and the last thing he needed was ‘help’ from Wei Wuxian, of all people. So he tightly closed his lips, and walked faster. Unfortunately, Wei Wuxian was almost as tall as him, and so he easily kept pace with Lan Wangji easily.

“Lan Zhaaaaan, come on, don’t be so stubborn,” Wei Wuxian pouted, swishing his ponytail back and forth in disappointment. “I’m trying to be supportive.”

“Wei Ying had better mind his own business,” Lan Wangji said curtly.

“Wei Ying has no business to mind,” Wei Wuxian whined, his pout growing impossibly more pronounced.

“What were you discussing with my brother, then?” Lan Wangji asked impatiently.

He regretted his words as soon as they had left his mouth.

“Oh, you saw that?” Wei Wuxian replied, perking up immediately. “Xichen-ge has been trying to convince me to come to Cloud Recesses again, to study some more or something. I wonder why he’s so insistent on it, I wasn’t that bad of a student, was I? I shouldn’t need special education!”

Lan Wangji looked at Wei Wuxian in surprise, but there was no impish glint in his eye, and no mischievous smile on his lips. Wei Wuxian was entirely serious.

“Brother asked you to come study at Cloud Recesses again?” Lan Wangji asked.

“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian agreed. “Though I’m not sure why he would ask. I feel Lan Qiren will have a qi deviation if I visit a second time.”

Lan Wangji needed a moment to process this new information.

Apparently, Lan Xichen had invited Wei Wuxian to Gusu. But there seemed to have been made no promise of marriage, or Wei Wuxian was expertly deceiving him on that account.

But there was no real reason for Wei Wuxian to be deceptive. On the contrary, Wei Wuxian would probably enjoy to lord an engagement to his brother of Lan Wangji with gusto.

Which meant that his brother had never made an offer. And yet, he had invited Wei Wuxian to Gusu.

He had invited Wei Wuxian to Gusu.

Deliberately.

Without making an offer of marriage.

Lan Wangji froze for a moment and gripped Bichen, considering.

He looked at Wei Wuxian, who looked back at him with a half-smile on his face, evidently confused about Lan Wangji’s strange reaction to his words.

Oh, it was starting to make sense now.

It was all clear.

He was going to have to commit fratricide.

“But, you know,” Wei Wuxian said, now smiling fully, clearly unaware of Lan Wangji’s dark, dark thoughts.

“If Lan Zhan asks me, I will come.”

[lumberjackloverboy-moved]

Just saw kids on Tumblr are really here being like "queer was never used as derogatory until ten years ago exclusionists started doing so!"

Like...I have no problem with people using the term queer for themselves. I use the term queer for myself. But I'm BEGGING young members of the community to educate themselves before they go posting absolute nonsense.

yeah like,, (tw for some hate crime-y things) when i was in high school i had a guy scream at me and my partner that we were a bunch of queers, follow us to my car, and try to smash my head into the car window. thankfully, a teacher saw and got the guy away from us but honestly? i was lucky the teacher was supportive. after trump was elected I had a guy get in my face and tell me to 'get shocked you filthy queer' (a reference to conversion therapy). on my college campus, i was spat on by a fellow student and called a queer. and this is at a liberal arts college in austin, one of the most 'progressive' cities in texas, and thats on top of hearing it used as a slur near daily. when i was outed in the church, i stopped being 'emil' and perminatly became 'that queer'

so as you can imagine, me and the word queer are not friends. i 100% respect someone's right to reclaim it-- in fact, i find it really impressive and touching that someone can take power from such a word. it takes so much strength, and i admire that! but pretending the word is reclaimed everywhere or that it is no longer a slur (or even better, never was a slur) hurts, it makes me feel like everyone is ignoring my suffering at the hand of people using it. oh, you nearly got your head bashed into a car? you were spat on? your priest told your mother she raised a filthy queer? okay, that's bad, but not liking the word makes you a terf now actually, you filthy exclusionist!!! just. ugh.

when ppl say queer community i don't feel included. i feel like bc of the bigotry i faced and how it affected my relationship with a word, im not wanted. that's why i make an effort to say 'lgbt and queer community' when I mention the community, so people like me who dont like the word and people who dont feel included in lgbt can both be represented. it's an easy solution, i wish more ppl would use it

[free--therapy]

Dealing with Change on a Personal Level

"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up."

– James Belasco and Ralph Stayer

Change is a scary thing for all of us. We get used to things being one way and have a hard time readjusting to things when they change for us unexpectedly. Unfortunately however, change is inevitable and unavoidable in life and it's up to us to adapt to the changes we have to endure. Change is one of those uncontrollable things that we wish wouldn't have to happen, but it's a lot easier to control how we react to the changes in our life, rather than trying to control the changes from happening themselves. 

When it comes to being able to control ourselves though, it will likely include having to make personal changes that we may not like or feel comfortable with, but will likely have more of a positive impact in the long run than stressing ourselves over something we have no control over. Short-term pain for long-term gain. But how do we go about making these personal changes?

Stages of Change

Pre-Contemplation

While in this stage, we are usually not thinking seriously about trying to change anything and are not interested in having anyone help us out either. We tend to defend our current habits, even if we know they’re not good for us because it doesn’t really feel like a problem...yet. We can get defensive whenever someone tries to suggest we need to change, even if they’re being kind and loving towards us (it’s hard to tell someone we love that they need to change something about themselves!) We don’t focus our attention on quitting these habits and end up not even wanting to tell anyone about them because we know people will likely judge or criticize us and tell us we need to change. Usually in this stage, we are in denial of our problems or think we have the ability to fix them whenever we want to. Do you think you might be currently in this stage? Likely not if we are interested in understanding how change works, we’re looking to seek help, and are starting to wonder how we can implement the changes we know we need in our lives towards habits, problems, or behaviors we have that we know needs fixing. However, perhaps we were all at this stage at one point in our lives.

Contemplation

This is the stage where we are aware that we have problems that need fixing, and that there are personal consequences for them. We know we have a problem, we may spend a lot of time working towards acknowledging and accepting that we need help and need fixing, but we’re struggling with ambivalence towards making that leap. We tend to weigh out the pros and cons of starting to make a change by either quitting these habits or changing our behavior. Even though we weigh out the negatives of staying the way that we are and the positives of changing to become something better, we experience a lot of doubt that there’ll be any positive outcomes in the long run because we have to deal with some short-term pains or losses. It becomes hard to see how going through short-term pain could possibly lead to long-term gain and a lot of us believe and try to convince ourselves that we can’t see ourselves getting better or not believing that we can overcome the battle ahead of us. We fear failure before even trying.

It may take anywhere between a few weeks to a lifetime to get out of this phase though. It’s all about taking that leap of faith towards recovery and doing everything we can to make sure we make it out on the other side. Thankfully though, we are usually more open to learning more information about our bad habits and prefer to use educational interventions and self-reflection on how we feel concerning our bad habits, and eventually we make the leap! The idea is to hype ourselves up enough to take the plunge towards recovery (trust me, it’s so worth it!)

Preparation

This is also known as the Determination stage, and this is where we start making a commitment to change. Our motivation for changing can sound like telling ourselves, “Something’s gotta change!”, “I’ve got to do something about this.”, “This is serious, what can I do?” This stage becomes a “research” stage where we are now starting to explore all the small steps we can take towards helping ourselves and our problems. This is when we either seek help be it from other people, online research, find a mental health professional, read self-help books, go onto online forums, support groups, watch videos, and so on so we can hear from others as to how they embarked on their journey towards changing their lives. 

This is a phase that shouldn’t be skipped however, but a lot of people tend to. Without getting the user manual and the tools needed, how will we know how to put something together? Education is important so we may gain the knowledge to make the change that we want for ourselves instead of falling flat on our face. When we attempt to do something without having all the tools at hand, we usually end up giving up on ever wanting to try again because we failed to realized we were not well-equipped to do so in the first place. The journey to healing and recovery is a long and rewarding one, requires a lot of self-patience, -love, and -compassion, but we have to make sure we’re fully aware of the commitment we have to make in order to commence.

Action

Also known as the Willpower stage, this is the stage where we believe we have the ability to change our behavior and are now taking the right steps to begin that change with a variety of techniques and skills we have learned from our preparation stage. This is considered to be the shortest stage of them all since the amount of time we spend in this stage can vary. It can be anywhere from 6 months, 1 hour, 2 weeks, etc. It’s a stage where we are expected to rely on our willpower. We end up making overt efforts to quit or change our behaviors and habits, and this is when we are most susceptible for relapsing.

We will have to mentally review our commitment to ourselves and try to develop plans to deal with internal and external pressures or temptations that can lead us down a slippery slope. We’ll use things like short-term rewards to help maintain motivation, we may analyze our behavior change efforts to enhance our self-confidence, and so forth. This is also where we are most open to receive help and support from others who are going through a similar thing, which is vital to our recovery journey. It helps to know we’re not the only ones going through what we’re going through and to seek out other people that have a lot of invaluable advice to offer to keep us motivated as well.

Maintenance

This stage is definitely where the work needs to last for the longest amount of time as it involves being able to successfully avoid temptations and pressure to return to our bad habits or behaviors. The goal is to maintain the new circumstances we’ve worked so hard to implement in the first place. We will have to continuously remind ourselves of the progress we’ve made. We also have to find new ways to reformulate the rules of our lives by either acquiring new skills or learning more about our behavior and psychology to deal with temptations in order to avoid relapsing. We will get to a point where we’re able to anticipate the situations in which a relapse could happen and prepare healthy coping skills in advance to deal with them if we end up slipping.

We have to remain aware that what we strive for is worthwhile to us on a personal level and has meaning. We have to learn to be patient and kind to ourselves, and recognize that it will take a while to let go of old behaviors and habits. We will have to come to an understanding that we need to continuously practice our new skills until they become as habitual as our old and negative ones were. Even though we may have thoughts of wanting to return to the old way of doing things because they feel comfortable and familiar, we will have to resist doing so and stay on track.

As we progress through our stages of changing, it’s helpful to always re-evaluate our progress as we move through each stage. It’s important for us to remember that it’s normal and natural to regress. Healing and recovery are not linear and some days we’ll have moments where we feel like we’ve gone back in our progress, but it’s not out of the ordinary. We need to be forgiving towards ourselves, being our cheerleader. At the end of the day, it’s up to us to make the changes we want for ourselves.

Relapse

Although this is everyone’s fear when it comes to recovery and making changes, it is not uncommon for anyone to relapse on their journey. It is a lot more common to have at least 1 relapse than to have none while on the road to healing, so we should take solace in knowing this because no one is perfect. Relapse is often accompanied by feelings of shame and discouragement because we believe we are failures and will never get better. While it is definitely a discouraging thing to go through, it’s important to note that there is always a positive way to look at failure. The majority of people who have been on the journey to healing will even tell you that it is not a straight path. There is always something to be learned from our moments of failure and it’s up to us to change our mindsets to see where we went wrong in order to avoid making the same mistake again. These people cycle through the 5 stages several times before being able to achieve a stable lifestyle change and it should be encouraging to know this. The Stages of Change diagram above considers relapsing to be a normal part of recovery. It’s up to us at the end of the day to be determined to pick ourselves up again when we fall and get back on that horse.

There is definitely a real risk that people who end up relapsing will experience an immediate sense of failure that ends up undermining their self-confidence. Remember that relapsing doesn’t have to be seen as failure since those habits have been so engrained in our minds that we can easily end up back there. We have to make sure that we encourage ourselves as well as others to see where we went wrong, where we were experiencing that moment of weakness, and how we can use it as an opportunity to learn how to cope differently and in a healthier way, strengthening those weaknesses. Relapses are important opportunities to learn and become stronger. We have to make sure that we don’t end up back in the Pre-Contemplation or Contemplation stages when this does happen, but rather restart back at Preparation, Action, or even the Maintenance stage.

With those who have relapsed, they will need to learn how to anticipate any high-risk situation that could possibly enable them to relapse more effectively, and control any external cues or environments that will tempt them to re-engage in those behaviors they’re trying to recover from. Doing so will give us a stronger sense of self-control on top of having the ability to get back on track.

Transcendence

This is the goal of where we all want to be. Eventually we will end up reaching a point where we’ll be able to regulate our emotions and understand our behavior/psychology in a way to see it in a new light. This is when our bad habits or behaviors no longer are integral to our life, along with knowing that returning back to that lifestyle would be seen as weird or abnormal to us. When we reach this stage in our process of changing, we will know that we have now transcended the old habit/behavior and that we are becoming a new person that no longer needs our old unhealthy coping mechanisms, skills, or behaviors to sustain us anymore. We have become successful in making that change we set out to do in the first place and know that if we can accomplish it for one thing, we can accomplish it for just about anything!