#and then reaching down and casting revivify while it's still going

[queen-scribbles]

One thing that was funny about Gale dying on me yesterday, it happened right after Maggy hit level five and got new spells.

Including revivify.

So I'm standing there listening to his spectral projection thing go through the incredibly elaborate system he has for being being resurrected, simultaneously paying attention to the details(bc I guessed There Would Be A Quiz) and making "hurry up" motions bc I had it stuck in my head from dnd or pathfinder that there's a one minute time limit on revivify and c'mon Gale my man my dude my GUY, you are running down the clock on a much easier way to get you back bc even dead you can't. stop. talking. xD

[jq37]

So, that lady FH episode was amazing and all, but...

Hoo boy, I already see the discourse around the Ratgrinders' fates forming and it is going to be painful. Be careful around the fandom space.

(I mean, resurrection is still on the table for them, but that's based on if the players feel like it and right now, we're looking at 50/50 odds at bests)

Yeah, don't worry about me. This isn't my first rodeo and also I post a lot about D20 and respond to asks I get but I don't actually personally engage with any of The Discourse (tm).

And I'm not really surprised at the reaction. I know people have been opinionated all season in two main camps (that have a lot of overlap): people dissatisfied with the narrative direction and people deeply sympathetic to the Rat Grinders to the point of being mad at the Bad Kids.

The first camp I mostly understand. I get wishing the cast would explore a certain storyline more. For example, I've been on the Aelwyn redemption arc train since literally the first episode of Fantasy High so I was a little disappointed that when that finally came to a head in Freshman Year, it was a big fight and then very little aftermath/unpacking because Aelwyn was sent to jail right after. And Sophomore Year hadn't been announced so I had no idea that she was gonna get another shot. But I wasn't upset or anything. Adaine at that point still hated her sister. She had no reason to want to reach out. And at the end of the day this is other people playing a game. Brennan presented them all the possible plot threads and they were most interested in self discovery, hanging out with each other, doing Shenanigans, and playing Tomb Raider re: Ankarna. Those are all options they were presented and it's not like they were doing crazy off-roading. It's well within the parameters of what D&D is. If you're gonna watch a show like this (or honestly any show), you have to accept that what's most interesting to you isn't always going to be the most interesting thing to the people in the driver's seat.

So yeah, I feel like this side of things I get (even though I'm fine with how things turned out).

The other camp--people being legit mad at the Bad Kids (and in some cases the actual cast) for treating the Rat Grinders like antagonists instead of victims that they were responsible for empathizing with and redeeming--I find kind of wild.

Like…you're mad at the kids who go to Child Murder School for killing kids who want to end the world and kill them specifically? Literally the first day of school the principal of the school says that adventurers are violent wanderers who engage in shenanigans and enact violence. This is the exact assignment they were given and that's what they're doing.

I think it's wild to at the same time believe that the Rat Grinders (who have killed people) are not responsible for their actions and deserve to be talked down while in the process of causing an apocalypse because they're just kids who were manipulated while at the same time calling the Bad Kids evil lunatics for trying to stop them by killing them (in a world where Revivify and Resurrection exist) even though they are ALSO kids who are doing what they've learned at Child Murder School. The Bad Kids have to be mature enough to thoroughly investigate the situation and have nuance about it but the Rat Grinders don't have any responsibility to not join a shady evil murder plan*? And do the Bad Kids really hate the Rat Grinders to the point where they're doing some overkill in this fight? Absolutely. But it's not like they're killing them because they hate them. They're killing them because they're trying to end the world--and they also happen to hate them. Are we forgetting that Kipperlilly killed Buddy--her own teammate--with a gleeful smile on her face? That was so out of pocket.

They're adventurers! Not guidance counselors! If Jawbone was like, "We need to kill these kids," yeah that would be weird but why would the Bad Kids extend an olive branch to the kids who (1) famously hate them, (2) killed at least one maybe 2 of their own party members, (3) endangered the entire student body population an hour ago, (4) are currently trying to end the world. Hell, Adaine was ready to be mean to her own sister in elf jail literally up until the point Brennan described how rough she looked from the torture and that's when she changed her mind. The Power of Love and Empathy is on the menu but it's a special item you only can get if you know the chef. Everyone else is getting a serving of These Hands. Just because you can find a vegan solution to a problem it doesn't mean you're obligated to.

This all comes down to, "Maybe teenagers shouldn't have godlike powers and the ability to play judge, jury, and executioner" but that's literally the premise of the entire show so you can't get around it without rejecting the show's entire premise. If they were like, "Hmm the systems that underpin our world are questionable and we should change the power structures" instead of, "Let's kill some bad guys!" then that's a totally different thing we're doing here!

And, idk man, this show has always had a Who Framed Roger Rabbit style morality where the normal rules of ethics stop applying when it's funny. They beat the crud out of Ragh and then lied to him that he shit his pants just for the bit. A pirate was rude/kinda racist to Riz so they scared him into killing himself. Riz ate the remains of the sentient (albiet evil) dragon he killed. That's all unhinged behavior but none of that is meant to be serious. Getting upset about Fig sending Ruben to hell to me feels like getting mad that Jerry hit Tom with a cartoonishly large mallet.

None of this is new so I have to assume that people are having a big reaction because they relate to the Rat Grinders or just really like them so it feels bad that the Bad Kids are treating them like fodder rather than beloved NPCs.

But again, this is a world where you can bring people back from the dead and the Rat Grinders have showed intent that is grievously neglectful at best and insanely murderous at worst so I can't muster a lot of sympathy for the fact that the Bad Kids are just taking them down without remorse. I don't think you have to try to empathize with the people who are trying to harm you if you don't want to especially while they are in the process of harming you.

(*And we still don't know how voluntarily they joined this plan. We don't know if they were killed and basically forced into resurrecting with rage or if they just leapt at the chance to join a plan that would let them get one over on their rivals. It literally could be either. We've had kid villains on this show strong armed into being party to evil plans by threat of harm (Aelwyn) as well was kid villains who just had their own selfish motivations and weren't tricked at all (Penelope and Biz). We actually don't have any clear answer on how culpable they are. We don't know if they all have rage crystals (except for Buddy). And we don't know how much having a Rage Crystal effects your actions. The best indicator we got is in this latest ep when Brennan said that there was a mechanic where Porter was going to call anyone with a rage crystal to fight for him but that says to me that he's only directly puppeting them when he uses that action and otherwise they have free will and are just angrier. The Bad Kids don't have a reason to believe definitively that the Rat Grinders are just unwilling puppets even if that is the case so of course they're treating them like enemies. Anyway, this is a whole lot of "I don't knows" but that's only because I've seen a lot of people talking like the Rat Grinders literally aren't in control of their actions but that's not info that we have. It could be true but we don't actually know that so it's not a good argument.)

[utilitycaster]

could you elucidate on why coffeelocks are bad actually? my friend is a bit obsessed with them right now and i’ve never liked the specific build but i’d love to have concrete reasons that aren’t just opinions!

YES. Somewhere in my archives I think I actually did the math on like, how many short rests you have to take for this to pay any dividends, and it was a LOT, but that was during full lockdown iirc and you do not have to do this much work.

The basic gist of coffeelock for those wondering is that warlocks recharge spell slots on a short rest, and sorcerers can convert sorcery points into spell slots and vice versa. The idea is that if you take Pact of the Tome and then Aspect of the Moon as an eldritch invocation, you never have to long rest again and can just farm sorcery points/spell slots for 8 hours each night.

Now: the most obvious issue is that any reasonable DM who hears about this will look at you and say "I don't care if it's technically legal, I think it's annoying and I'm not going to let you do it." But let's assume your DM does not shut it down.

You have infinite spell slots at level 5. You are warlock 3 sorcerer 2. You know 7 spells total, which is what you'd know had you leveled to level 5 in either of these classes, except you also know 6 level 1 spells and 1 level 2 spell, max. Someone who leveled normally would have fireball, or dispel magic, or counterspell, and if they were divine soul they might even have revivify, but not you! This will eventually get slightly better at higher levels but if you're the party's main arcane caster this sucks and if you're in a party with fewer than like, five people, or perhaps a really caster heavy party, you're putting a lot of burden on other people to do the utility early on so that your dumb ass can cast magic missile 20 times a day or whatever.

I don't actually care for sorlock just generally, in the absence of coffeelock bullshit. Yes, it depends on the same main stat, but a bard or paladin combo will actually significantly broaden your repertoire. Sorcerer and Warlock have a LOT of spell overlap, and metamagic is one of those things that is like, super clutch 0.1% of the time and the rest of the time it's like oh ok (though I guess as a coffeelock you're not even really using metamagic! total waste of being a sorcerer, which is the weakest caster already! great job.). Meanwhile, two of the big strengths of warlock are 1. eldritch blast, a cantrip you can already cast infinite times without spell slots, and 2. eldritch invocations, which you have to level in warlock to get. Dipping into sorcerer means fewer invocations. Basically, all multiclassing is a trade off and I feel like this is at most the sum of its parts, certainly not more. I also think it's very tricky to play this in a way that is narratively interesting and makes sense for your character while also abiding by the specific leveling requirements of coffeelock. This isn't an issue in a one-shot but also in a one-shot you simply might not even take a long rest which renders the entire thing useless.

You have to take Pact of the Tome, which means you are spending all this time and effort and build for infinite spell slots but also you have, without any racial bonuses, literally 9 cantrips (ie, at-will spells) at level 5. And none of them are dispel magic, because that is too high for you for at least another 2 levels and that's only if you choose to continue in warlock. Also, actually, until you reach L9 in specifically divine soul sorcerer, you don't have greater restoration as discussed, so yeah your DM can just be like "oh you don't have to sleep but you do still gain exhaustion."

I lied and I did some math. So: you are a L5 coffeelock. let's say you have exhausted all your resources on day 1. You sit down for your little bullshit 8 short rests. You can never have more than two sorcery points, because the PHB page 101 says that you can't exceed the number of sorcery points shown on the table for your level. So every hour you convert one L2 spell slot (recharging) into a L1 spell slot (non-recharging), and repeat this (you can't convert both at once! because then you exceed two sorcery points!) and you end the night with 14 L1 spells and your two L2 warlock spell slots. If you are lucky, you might get like, one short rest if there is a monk or wizard or fighter in the party and they don't hate you so much that they're willing to go without ki points/second winds/arcane recovery, and they might. I guess you just stockpile low level spells indefinitely until you have to sleep finally? if you have a week of downtime do you just. walk around with hundreds of first level spell slots and not think this is the dumbest shit of all time? ooooh look at me i can cast fucking...detect magic for 24 hours straight. can't dispel any of it though!

Leveling up is a bitch too if I recall. You need to level up in sorcerer to get more points so you can eventually convert to higher level spells, and the exchange rate is not generous (like, if you're not sleeping, it's ok, but it's not in your favor as shown with the L2 to L1 conversion) and imo warlock is the superior class, and you're probably not really taking advantage of metamagic anyway so you're barely reaping the benefits of being a sorcerer except for flexible casting. Do you feel good about this? Is this fun for you? Your entire table is watching you count out your spell slots each night and hoping fervently you get audited by the IRS in real life but man you sure showed them by being able to cast chromatic orb a lot!

Also you can't use items that recharge on a long rest, only ones that recharge at dawn. Sucker.

This is all very long because I think coffeelock is an annoying build for people who think they are smart and really aren't, but the gist is that you trade away a great deal of your utility, ability to help the party, and ability to do anything except cast rather low-level spells in comparison to what everyone who made better decisions is doing. Also it's LAUGHABLY easy for the DM to fuck this over for you within the bounds of the rules even if they allowed it. Your patron gets annoyed that you're only leveling in sorcerer. Levels of exhaustion. Your patron, who communicates through dreams, straight up abandons you because you're not picking up their calls. You keep being put in positions where your 75 first level spells won't do shit and a single third level spell would. They taunt you with items that recharge on a long rest.

It's just...well, quantity over quality. Shein haul ass character build.

[sammyboiocs]

Playing bg3 with 3 of my friends had a truly incredible moment. Featuring my sorcerer Nymral and her insane 11th hour 1v3 with an entirely dead party and no spell slots. elaborated under the cut lol.

We'd gotten into the trader area underground of the burning village where that artist was being basically kidnapped. We'd just gotten out of accidentally getting into a fight with the village folk and were hurting for it, on top of a lot of passive fire damage.

We were trying to plan on doing a long rest, in desperate need of one, only to realize the bard has been sneaking around the underground area and had managed to initiate a fight.

Trapped at the back of this cavern, with 2/4 of us afk at camp, the druid ran back to help, cornered at an entirely different end of the cavern.

So here i am, my sorcerer with nearly no spells left running in to see what I can do. I manage to get some ranged shots off, but at some point i cant reach them, but they can reach me so I'm stuck on this upper ledge. The bard tells us that she has super died, wherever she is.

the last member of our party comes back from afk, realizes what's going on and comes to help. Has to dash all the way around the cavern to reach the druid. By this point he's dead or making saves. So now she is also cornered, I'm still only barely in distance to get off hits and am not going to make it to her in time.

Predictably, she goes down.

Both she and the druid fail all their dead saves. I am the only member of the party alive. We consider reloading the save, honestly probably should have.

But I figured I wasn't long for death and wanted to fuck around and see what i could do. So i sneak around to the ground level of the cavern. Three of these enemies are perched up where my friends corpses are with their bows unmoving for several rounds while i get to the ground.

I hide, i use a blur scroll. My friends are tabbing and throwing everything that might help into my inventory. I was prepared to go down swinging and force a reload.

The enemies split, done idling and start coming down. They heal believing they're out of combat. they don't know where i am. When we reengage its at the bottom of the cavern, I'm still at a fraction of my health. I'm pumping health potions into my tav. My fleeting plan to use an aoe scroll spell to damage them all goes out the window as they split up and fan to surround me.

I reengage, lightning bolting 2 of them with a spell. damaging, not great. I've taking arrow after arrow as i stare at my inventory and finally just say, FUCK IT! I have one chromatic orb scroll. I was hoping to cast something more flammable first, but whatever.

So i cast chromatic orb: fire. and et me tell y'all,,, no one was prepared for how the entire cavern fucking exploded. Just about everything in their turned out to be flammable somehow as two of the 3 enemies go down immediately, and the last man is an arrows shot away from death.

I revivify the two who died together, the bard is still mia. Was this a fight worth winning? Honestly probably not but pulling through like that was just about the coolest thing I've done so far lol.

[thedragonagelesbian]

"You had better have something good, devil. We sacrificed a lot taking care of your little problem."

"Oh, yes, your sanguineous angel, but that hardly counts as 'a lot', does it? For a man who barters away his body in the drip-drip-drips of blood, death is a triviality-- provided that it aids those around him. That is why you chose him, is it not?"

Astarion doesn't want to think about it-- Raphael's words or the events that inspired them. He wants to be relieved to finally know Cazador's plans, or angry to still be bound to his master's will. He should be indulging in whatever emotion feels most pleasurable after their grueling fight with the orthon and its hard-won prize, but he can't. Pacing the camp in long, sweeping strides, those words echo in his head, and every time he blinks, he's there again. The cavern of carrion and a bloody fallen angel at its heart, wings of serrated steel lifting off a fraction of a moment too late before the bombs at his feet lit him up.

Cyrus apologized, when Astarion's hands and voice stopped trembling long enough to use the scroll of revivify. Gasping back to life, and the first thing he did with the new air in his lungs was say how sorry he was for going down. He didn't care how much he hurt, just that someone else might've gotten hurt instead while he was down.

He never cares--not in the orthon's lair, not when he let Astarion drain him dry at the start of their travels together--so why should Astarion?

Hells, nothing has come of choosing Cyrus anyway. Cyrus would be just as willing to die for him if they were friends, strangers, even enemies (if Minthara's presence in their camp is any indication) instead of lovers.

And they aren't. That. The night that Last Light fell, Astarion found Wyll standing vigil over Cyrus' bound, thrashing form, and he realized that he could never give Cyrus what he needed, what he deserved-- a fairy tale prince to sweep him off his feet and keep him safe even from himself.

And now, Cyrus never has to know. The plan, the pointless sex, the needless manipulation, that brief stretch of time when Astarion dared to hope that there might've been a kinder purpose to it all, Cyrus doesn't need to know any of it. Better just to let the plan--the relationship--die quietly.

So why did he feel so godsdamn guilty?!

He's so distracted by his thoughts that he doesn't realize someone has left their tent and joined him until he hears his name: "Astarion?"

Flinching, Astarion turns and reaches for a knife. Maybe he should hold on to that panic when he sees Cyrus--remember how he writhed and snarled at Wyll's feet? how he screams and seethes in battle, every scarred inch a barbarian?--but the fear floods from him with a huff. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I heard footsteps." The elven aasimar gives a shrug, and then a wince he can't quite smother. "Are you alright?"

"Am I...? You're the one who's barely standing."

"Is that sulphur?" Cyrus looks around the camp as if Astarion hasn't said anything. "Was Raphael here? Did he tell you about your scars?"

Astarion scoffs. "Oh, no, darling, I am not having a conversation about the thing that will decide my fate forever more when you are too exhausted to be appropriately concerned."

"I am concerned! Appropriately so."

Obstinate ass that he is, Cyrus just keeps staring at Astarion with that wide-eyed frown of his, enormous and pleading, and Astarion has no choice but to sigh. "Ugh, very well, maybe I'll tell you, but only if you go back to your bedroll right now."

Cyrus tries to protest again, but as he crosses his arms, he adjusts his posture in such a way that makes his face tighten again. Casting his eyes downward, he mutters, "...Fine."

Together, they duck into Cyrus' tent, sparsely furnished save for some weapons, the odd mushroom or herb he's collected, and a few spare medicinal vials. While Cyrus sits down, Astarion grabs one of them-- the paste of lavender and valerian that Halsin brews to help Cyrus trance.

"And if you actually rest after this."

Cyrus rolls his eyes, a rare display of cattiness that only manifests when someone is worried about him (Astarion will never admit how much he enjoys provoking it). "Leave it to the former magistrate to add conditions at the last moment. Fine, yes, I'll try to trance soon."

Astarion opens the pot, and Cyrus gives a small nod, so he moves in close-- closer than they've been in a while. Cyrus used to come to his tent every evening with his neck bared, all too eager to give and give and give, and the only reason he stopped was because he was afraid of hurting the next person who came too near. But he doesn't stop Astarion now as he dips his fingers into the salve and brings them to Cyrus' temple. His skin is as Astarion remembers it, a burning fever pitch beneath the cold marble of his own. He rubs the poultice in gently, and he doesn't miss the way that Cyrus leans into his touch.

Moving to the other temple, Cyrus stifles a grimace. The blood and ash may have washed away, but there's still a gnarled bruise set just below his blind eye, and probably countless more beneath his tunic. A half dozen new scars too, all the evidence of everything he's bled away as if it didn't mean anything to him.

Does it mean anything to him?

"You're hopeless," Astarion says suddenly.

Cyrus responds with a smile, thin but undeniable. "You've said that before."

"Well, I wouldn’t have to keep saying it if you didn’t keep slicing yourself open every chance you get." The metal of his wings, the sigils of blood carved into his skin, his sword every morning cutting his stomach to sheathe the blade in holy light.

Cyrus twists away from him at that. "It doesn't hurt so much once you get used to it."

Astarion's thoughts flicker to Araj. To the hundreds of nights spent over the centuries willing his mind away from his body. He should've thanked Cyrus for it sooner, but he didn't want the conversation to drift to their relationship. He still doesn't (doesn't he?), but as he grabs a rag to clean the salve from his hand, he feels the ring around his finger-- the one enchanted to pass his suffering along to Cyrus, because apparently his own burdens aren't enough to shoulder alone, he has to take on Astarion's too, even if it kills him, and it has killed him, and he doesn't even care, damn him damn him!

"Don't lie to yourself, darling." He yanks the ring off of his finger. "And take this back."

Cyrus furrows his brow again. "You don't want it anymore?"

"I never wanted it. I can protect myself, you know." When Cyrus doesn't take it, Astarion grabs his hand and presses the ring into his palm. "You're the one who's always standing with one foot in the grave."

"I've only died a couple of times." Cyrus' tone shifts, not merely concerned but defensive, proud, like he wants someone to pat him on the head and tell him what a good job he's done martyring himself.

Astarion's grip tightens, skin prickling.

"A couple more than the rest of this damn party."

"One of those times was your fault!"

"It was your fault!"

It's quiet in the tent after that.

"You could have stopped me." Astarion doesn't know when his throat clenched up so tight, or why he can't look Cyrus in the eye anymore, but the words are strained and his gaze is affixed to their hands. Cyrus' are much more interesting to look at-- freckled, scarred, split crimson across the back and stained red at the tips of his fingers, and Astarion remembers how they closed around him as he lapped up the last dregs of Cyrus' life. "Spoken up, thrown me off if I didn't listen, plunged a stake into my heart, even," he probably would've deserved it, "but you didn't. You just sat there and let me... Why didn't you stop me?"

"Why would I?" The response comes hollow and hoarse. "You needed my blood, what did I care if you took all of it?" Astarion wants to tell him the truth--that he cares, even if Cyrus doesn't--but the words won't come, windpipe clotted with everything he does (doesn't) want to say, confession and betrayal in equal measure, so he just sits there while Cyrus folds in on himself, nails biting at his back. "It's not... real. My body, it's never felt like it's mine. It's just... something to give away, to make up for— for the rest of it. The urges in my head."

"...My body hasn't been mine in two centuries. Like everything else, it belonged to Cazador, sent out to lure pretty things back to his estate. What I wanted, how I felt about what I was doing, it never mattered." He risks a glance up at Cyrus. His mismatched eyes, scarlet and storm, burn with a kindness Astarion hasn't received in a lifetime. "When you stood up for me in front of that vile blood merchant, you showed me that it doesn't have to be that way anymore. That I'm not just a means to an end." He wants to pull Cyrus close enough to feel his pulse, that fierce but fragile heart that someone needs to protect because Cyrus certainly isn't going to do it himself. "It doesn't have to be like that for you either."

Now Cyrus won't look at him. Maybe blowing up hurts worse than blood loss because instead of deflecting, he murmurs, "I... I'm not sure what else there is."

"Neither am I..." Astarion realizes he's still holding Cyrus' hand, and he brushes his thumb across his knuckles, savoring this last touch. "I thought once, maybe, we could have found out together," he pulls his hands away, "but you deserve something better."

"What do you mean?"

"...That I feel awful." There's no avoiding it now, so Astarion swallows thickly and continues. "Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan. Seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you'd never turn on me. It was easy, instinctive, and you were eager for intimacy after that unfortunate incident with the bard." His stomach curdles, seeing the fear that always flits across Cyrus' face at the mention of Alfira, that same fear he took advantage of when Cyrus dropped to his knees and whispered that all he wanted was to prove his hands were good for something other than murder. "But my nice, simple plan fell apart, and now... now, you should have something real."

Something with someone else.

Cyrus doesn't respond at first, blinking, processing, he reaches up to touch his neck. Though Astarion hasn't fed for him in days, the marks have been there since that first night. Will be there forever. "'Real'?" he echoes with a small, dry laugh. "What is 'real'? All I have is this tadpole and this damned headache... I really wish you hadn't..." He rakes his hand through his hair. Astarion has always wondered what it would feel like under his fingers, not grasping Cyrus' skull as he bleeds him but gently braiding and unbraiding the thick strands. "I was so scared that night. Did it really mean nothing to you?"

"Of course it meant something-- that's the problem. Or part of it... I don't know what 'real' is either. Being close to someone--any kind of intimacy--used to be something I performed. Maybe it could have been different with you, but..."

"But...?" Astarion doesn't want to say it aloud: that things had been over for them since before they ever began, from the moment he was too greedy to stop drinking. "Astarion, I still care about you."

So when Cyrus says that, it batters him as surely as any shield or hammer.

"...Really?"

Astarion doesn't need air anymore, but he holds his breath anyway, watching Cyrus watch him, and he remembers what the other elf said when he found him staring at an empty mirror: I see you.

Cyrus lunges. Astarion stiffens, almost recoiling, but then Cyrus' arms close around him. His body is sunlight, enveloping and warm and hard, muscles tight and protective. Always so damn protective... but Astarion feels the shudder when he returns the hug. How Cyrus softens as Astarion presses himself close. All the strength required to endure so much pain, it melts away, and what's left is raw. Tender. Real.

Cyrus buries himself in Astarion's neck. Astarion wonders if it helps with the headache, flame against ice. He's never thought to ask before now. "I don't care what we are or what we do, but I care about you. Please keep the ring."

"I will-- Cyrus." He can't remember the last time he called Cyrus by name, but he savors the syllables now, a caress of a whisper. Perhaps the only caress he'd ever want. "...Please rest."

Astarion doesn't know how to ask for the rest of it yet-- maybe it wouldn't be fair, to ask Cyrus to stop sacrificing himself when they still have a world to save, but he can ask for this, for now, for Cyrus to let himself be at some kind of peace.

"For you.... With you."

[dungeonsandblorbos]

my poor little meow meow Milo/the Bagman is my new blorbo oops

so, it's homebrew Curse of Strahd. we (me, Cerris, human tempest cleric, and him, Shalden, half-orc paladin) make it to Ottoma to acquire a wedding dress on behalf of the Abbot in Krezk (long awful but amusing story for another time), but the woman who makes literally all of the wedding dresses in this godforsaken country is currently out of town. so, being adventurers, in a city just brimming with serial killers and kidnappers—because Ottoma is brimming with serial killers and kidnappers—we decide to take one of them on. just to kill some time while we're waiting for the dressmaker, you know how it is

we've got no shortage of options to choose from: there's the barrack slasher, who dissects his victims as if to study them like a doctor might; the basher, who hits mostly refugee men and drunkards with blunt objects; the strangler, who strangles pretty young engaged women and men; shadow john, who just disappears people into the sewers wells; and the snatchers, an unknown number of what we're pretty sure are hags, who steal homeless and orphan children, presumably for the purpose of making their intoxicating pies

but in the end, our choice was made for us when we were attacked by shadow john, who turned out to be an old "friend" of ours—the Bagman. some of you other Curse of Strahd players may have run into this nasty motherfucker before yourselves, as he is an actual official DnD monster whom i Hate. course, our DM homebrewed him up some, but the basic premise is the same. he's 10ft tall, all skin and bones, with scragly overly long hair and gangly overly long limbs and, just, the worst teeth you've ever seen. he lives in the vast pocket dimension that all of the bags of holding in Barovia feed into, which means he can just reach his horribly long-fingered hand out of any bag of holding to grab you and pull you while you're just minding your own business. this is what happened to our third party member, who is still stuck in the bag of holding (more on their fate in another post, probably)

so.

it seems that the bag he enters Ottoma through is down in the city's well system, which means we get to go into the sewers wells in search of him (yes my DM was in fact inspired by Steven King's IT for this plotline). it's awful, it's wet, there's some horrible pint-sized leech monsters made of human flesh and a fuck you big spider down there, each of which almost kill us. there's also an old lab of Strahd's from when he was Victor Frankensteining it up in college. and the lair of a serial killer called Leather Sole Jack who used to kill and eat adventurers around Ottoma until the city's mayor caught him and threw him in jail. there's also, just, so much fucking money and cool loot, including a staff topped by a skull with two diamonds for eyes, perfect for casting Revivify with! and, finally, the Bagman's bag

so we rappel down into the bag using the silk Shalden picked up from the spider's corpse. it's dark, it's weird, there's shit everywhere, including some small wells that don't actually work. in one of the wells, we find a bucket with a little toy duck in it. on the bottom of the duck is the name MILO, scrawled in sloppy child's handwriting.

and then we find a campsite, with a little fire going, and some tents around it, and a catatonic peasant halfling couple, sitting there like posed dolls. beside them, there's more little toy ducks, with the same name label. somewhere down here, there is a child named Milo who loves his ducks

then the Bagman emerges from one of the tents and calls us his friends and asks us to stay. we go along with it at first, and he has us play pretend with him, and then we play hide and seek. Cerris gets found first, so he helps the Bagman find Shalden. to be specific, he spots Shalden right away bc his hiding spot is Not Very Good, and casually asks the Bagman what they're gonna do when they find him. the Bagman, in a voice raspy with disuse (our DM used a text-to-speech bot that's also used in the Mandella Catalogue for spooky effect), replies cutely, "Tickle." so of course Cerris immediately betrays Shalden's location because he's a good friend like that

the point is, over the course of our entertaining the Bagman, it becomes very obvious that actually, the Bagman might not be a man at all. he might be a child who was warped into this horrible monster by Strahd's cruel experiments, and has been trapped in this cursed body with his child's mind for what could be centuries

and then he realizes he never actually introduced himself to us. so he does.

his name is Milo.

i, as a player, adopt him on the spot. from that point onward, the Bagman was my blorbo, my poor little meow meow, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. you know, this guy:

yeah. he's my baby now.

soon after he becomes my blorbo, he tries to eat Shalden. and you know what, i forgive him for it. he's a child who got turned into a monster; he didn't know any better! his only caretakers for the past 100+ years have been Strahd (who ate his own brother) and Daddy Eldritch (who turns people into scarecrows and eats their teeth. yes literally), so it's not like he had any good role models or teachers

(that said, it is still very rude to try to eat someone, especially someone you called your friend)

so he tries to eat Shalden. Shalden sets all our tents on fire in self-defense. they're fighting. Cerris joins the fight. Shalden gets knocked unconscious, then Cerris's spirit guardians take out the Bagman. while Cerris is going over to treat Shalden, he sees something out of the corner of his eye:

the Bagman's body is changing. shrinking.

suddenly, it's not a monster's body lying there.

it's the body of a four year old halfling boy.

naturally, Cerris slapped Shalden with a quick Cure Wounds, then ran over to the Bagman's—Milo's—body with his Revivify staff, acting on instinct. over Shalden's very loud protests, Cerris proceeds to bring Milo back to life.

Milo looks up at Cerris, and asks in his little child voice, "why are you so big?" and when Cerris explains that he's himself again, he says softly, "the Bagman's gone?" so Cerris says yes, he's gone, and privately decides that actually this child is his now and he's going to protect him with his life

in conclusion, the Bagman is my sweet little baby boy and my PC has adopted him after killing him and subsequently Revivifying him. you will be hearing more about him in the future. that is all.

[canarydraws]

Queen of shadows

If you were interested in the story I was sharing in my last post about my dnd campaign, I’m gonna pick up in the story under the cut!

So, to preface go check out my post titled “Cosmolian Red” if you wanna hear the events leading up to this (warning for eye trauma and drug mention). A lot had just happened. Lucéena learned Weiss killed her dad and then tripped on drugs so hard she saw an astral dreadnaught which proceeded to pick up their hiding place and yeet them a considerable distance into a tower. It was a rough crash. Thankfully after a revivify to our rogue and a group healing spell from our cleric we all made it out in relativly one piece. We were able to catch our breath and see that our little hut had crashed through a wall and we were in the middle of a long hallway scattered with statues. We’d actually broken a few on our way in and as Lucéena went to inspect them she got.. memories? I think she recognized some of the people they were supposed to be but she didn’t remember names.

By this point she didn’t see the stars of the astral sea anymore and her eyes had stopped bleeding so Lucéena began to walk down one way of the hall to further inspect more of the statues. Our wizard Echo went with because the party’s fighter was just wandering away with blood still drying on her face and exploring on your own was clearly what we didn’t need lol. We eventually came to a balcony where we saw that we had indeed reached the Citadel of Shadow. The city stretched below us, massively small, and there was movement among the buildings that turned out to be monsters, not people. It was here that Lucéena had another memory. She was standing in the exact spot she was now but she was smaller and she was holding someone’s hand. With all these memories, she couldn’t doubt that she had initially been raised here.

And while the two of them were talking, they were approached by guards, an older shadar-kai man who looked like an advisor, and the ruler of the shadowfell herself Queen Amali (described as the lovely art above depicts). All of whom wanted to know who tf we were and why and how we had broken through the wall of her palace. With some attempts at civility and a charm spell or two from Echo, we eventually led her back to our group where she invited us to join her in her dinning hall. During dinner the older man was starring daggers DIRECTLY at me as we tried and ultimately failed to explain our mission of retrieving these clone/artifacts. To cover up a misstep in the conversation, Echo ended up saying we were here to look for Lucéena’s famiy 🥲 Lucéena was NOT ready to be put on the spot and also wasn’t 100% sure she cared to find the family that abandoned her but the queen was like alright let’s do that.

Like the mysterious and powerful elven lady she is, she booped luceena’s forehead and suddenly all of her childhood memories came rushing through her mind. She saw memories she hadn’t thought of in some time and others she’d swore she never recalled. Eventually we got to the memory Lucéena had glimped when she was standing amongst the broken statues. It was a man was leaning over her and asking someone out of her line of view what her name was. A voice replyed this time and said Isla, Lucéena’s middle name. She also got another name “Alune” which she repeated out loud. The man who had been staring daggers at me all this time paused for a moment and said that was the name of his wife. Lucéena tried to play it of like ‘oh I met her once’ but everyone was looking at her like they expected something so she ended up leaving the room.

SO, fast forward a little bit the party is in a guest room the queen had given us for the night trying to figure out how we’re going to bring back up the subject of the clones or if we should just steal them. The advisor came in and introduced himself as Gendren Lovelace. After some awkward talk he also said that he was pretty sure he was Lucéena’s father. He suspected when he first saw her because she apparently looks a lot like his wife. Alune had been a general for the queen but she wasn’t remembered too kindly in these halls because she’d apparently cast a curse on the citadel.

BUT I now have descriptions for Lucéena’s biological mom and dad and you know what that means? It means it’s time for family portrait 2 electric boogaloo! Gonna find some time for that… some time. Honestly the session ended right after some of these revelations were made so I have a lot of questions and I’m sure my recount doesn’t make the most of sense. For example Lucéena never got another chance to interrogate Weiss. But perhaps by the time I can make the og family portrait I will have enough of the pieces to present to y’all with a mostly complete family story. Like how Lucéena came to live with the Rowans from being the young daughter of a general in the shadowfell. And why her mom apparently put a curse on the city that turnes it’s residence to stone.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e140

So okay is tonight the last episode? Because people keep saying it is basically and like while I’ve resigned myself to it ending I feel like if it ends tonight it’s gonna be VERY abrupt

I’ve been so distracted by the battle I forgot to type lol

That thing Caleb did with the glaive was intense tho and very clever

[[MORE]]

"I cast Marine Layer!!!" lol

I’m sorry HOW many attacks??

Jfc how is Veth still up

Don’t make her cut through the body of her wife wtf Matt

Oh thank goodness

Veth noooooo

"Lots of cover" says Caleb, who is trapped under a tower

E: "Caleb I need you!"

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m crying

YAAAAAS BABY

SAVING HIS MAN

"Press my forehead to his forehead" FUCKINGGGGGGGS

F O R E H E A D T O U C H

I’m going to cry forehead touches are my FAVORITE form of showing affection and intimacy

jester NO

This is starting to get frustrating as a fight come ON KILL HIM

Both of the clerics going down

Wonderful

Oh thank GOD he had death ward

Holding onto his maaaaaan

Caleb that’s smart very nice

Should have willed her to just live tho tbh

Fuck I need to sleep just as the fight has started to get interesting/stressful

Oh thank god that Cad had a diamond ready to bring her back

Oh no is it gonna fail??

FUCK

that’s the first time they’ve failed to bring someone back

OH MY GOD

MATTHEW YOU SON OF A BITCH

God the clerics are in BAD shape

Please stop picking on my kids

Cant Lucien and the Eyes just die

He’s down fuck

And Essek’s right there with him

Fuck

Oh thank GOD for that heal bless you Laura/Jester

Niiiiiice!

Oh daaaaamn Beau nice move

NAT20 YEAAHHHH

Marisha jumping up and down in her chair lol

Essek Gonna fuck him UP for hurting Caleb HELL yeah

Y’all I’m writing so much Shadowgast in my head

FUCK HIM UP BOIIIIIII

Babyyyyyyy

Plz don’t kill Essek

Essek nooooo

Oh thank god

Not my other BOYYYY

Okay okay oKAY GOOD

HOW is there still an hour and a half to go

Stop trying to kill my BOY

Babyyyy D:

Hey Matt why don’t you tell us what Essek saw

Did he see Caleb reaching out for him

Did he Matt

Did he

FUCK NOT AGAIN

CALEB NOOOO

God dammit

Fucking fuck

NO

he’s DEAD

fucking hell

Essek get back to your man

Of course they can’t see him

Not that it matters because he’s dead

Fucking fuuuuuck

End this fight already I hate this

Come on Laura roll really good

YES

GO LAURA

GO JESTER

YAAAAAAAAAS

Y’all I literally shrieked

Holy shit y’all

Hoooolllyyyyy shit

Oh that’s both spooky and soft

Oh good the eyes are going too I’m glad

Bring him BACK

I’m begging

Revivify

Please oh gods please

(Essek please stand there in the background anxious)

Please god y’all can’t kill Liam’s character at the end of BOTH campaigns

God I was CONVINCED he was going to be perma-dead

“Insight check” I’m laughing through my tears

Somebody let Essek hug Caleb or something idk

What the

No way

I’m with Essek and Fjord here

“Once you’re a member of the Mighty Nein you’re in. You should know that by now.” Okay okay okay

Are we really gonna do this omg

Yoooooo go back for the bag!

Oh no

RIP the bag of holding

Fjord’s priorities are in the right place *nod*

Gonna have to have a one shot to find the lost U’kotoa eye I guess

NAT20 whoopWHOOP

Awww Fjorjester huuuuug they’re so wholesome

I honestly don’t know how I feel about this

Oh my godddddddd

What

Was it a 9???

What was it??

OH NO

A NAT1?? oh jeeze

That

That hurts

To have lost him a second time, basically

Ouch…

Essek now is not the time to be jealous, love

Fjord checking up on my boy

E: “It’s not fair. It’s not fair, you’ve all come so far. It’s just not fair.”

F: “It rarely is. You did more for us and for him than most anyone we know

“I spent my entire life studying with the intent to not let things like this happen to chance. That can’t be it, can it?”

F: “I don’t know, but if you ere to ask my wife friend Cad he’d tell you that life continues on. It changes, it elopes, it grows. I don’t think there’s an end…” couldn’t follow the rest but I’m crying a LOT

“You’ve shown me all I need to see” THANK YOU FJORD im crying so hard y’all

“Caleb Widowgast. Have you ever accepted defeat?”

“Hm. Maybe today for the first time. Or, well, a chance in direction anyway.”

Essek wants to help so bad y’all I’m cryin’

Oh dang Cad

HOLY

oh my god

02%

WILD

MOM

???

“Put it back. I think they’ve earned it. Put it back.”

Oh my goddddd

I feel better knowing it’s Taliesin’s choice

I’m gonna CRY

Oh

My GODDDSS

“I can’t deal with the emotional whiplash” GIRL SAME

“Your eyes open for the first time”

Holy

FUCK

“Bolts up and runs”

Oh my god y’all

Oh

My god

GROUP HUG HIM

Molly

Mollymauk

MOLLYMAUK

TEALEAF

not empty not empty no

Babyyyy

Fuck y’all I’m gonna cry

I’m gonna cry for real

I didn’t think I’d really be so happy to have him back

Holy SHIT y’all

Yeeeeees hug your man Caleb

This is so emotional I’m crying

“Empty” no baby

I’m so glad it wasn’t at the cost of us losing Caduceus

I love Cad so much

“I’m so tired”

“I think you have a bright future ahead of you”

I’m crying over everyone being so sweet to Essek <3

“You’re always welcome at my house”

Y’all I’m gonna BAWL next week

Literally gonna just weep for however many hours it lasts

[today-only-happens-once]

Have you talked about your DnD PCs before? Can you talk about your game on tumblr? What's all been going on last few sessions :o

ANON you are one of my favorite people today this ask made me so freaking happy. (So is @psychedelicships  who said I had an invitation to ramble about my d&d campaign) Sorry for my excited gushing and rambling slkdfjdsklfjskldfj

My D&D Player Character

So my current D&D PC is named Kyssarda. She’s a half-elf neutral-good monk. I’ve rambled about her backstory before but the condensed version is that there’s a pattern of people leaving her/abandoning her in her life. Her parents died in a fire that her older brother rescued her from when she was four. She passed out on the way out, and when she woke up, she’d been told that she’d been left on the doorstep of the temple. Her brother was no where to be found. When she eventually made her way back home, her home was ash. Monks trained her, but they weren’t really equipped to raise a small child, so Kyssarda had a very lonely upbringing. The monks follow Sehanine (d&d deity), so she was raised on the tenants of her teachings and the teachings about following your own path led to her eventually striking out on her own. As a result of her upbringing and past, the people in her life (i.e. the party) are super important to her, because they are the first friends she ever chose and in some ways, they’ve chosen her too. She has abandonment issues up the wazoo, and hoo has she been reminded of that in recent sessions.

She’s very... empathetic and soft. She pays close attention to the mental/emotional state of her party members. Part of that is just who she is, but a lot of that is informed by her own loneliness. She doesn’t want others to feel like they’re alone, because she knows very intimately how much that can suck. Her loyalty and protectiveness of her friends leads her to sometimes not make the most tactically advantageous decision in combat, and also means that she has basically no self-preservation instincts (which is the main reason I’m pretty sure she’s gonna die before the campaign is over).

Campaign Stuff/Ramblings (under a cut because I’m literally just never going to shut up lets goooo):

So the original party consisted of a Teifling Paladin, a Wood Elf Rogue (who is multiclassing in monk), a Leonin Blood Hunter, and Kyssarda. We met during a fighting tournament and was contracted by the king to retrieve something for him. We teamed up for that, and convinced the king to come along too. So we traveled to some ruins, fought some stuff, and found the relic the king needed. We ran into a Jotenheim giant and fought that. In the process, the Leonin ended up attacking Kyssarda (cuz he’s basically a werewolf lion, and when he goes to his hybrid form and drops below half-health, he has to save on a wisdom saving throw or he just attacks the closest figure which happened to be meeee). 

Later on in a different fight in the same place, Kyssarda freaking died thanks to 2 chain lightnings (I took damage while unconcious and then rolled a Nat1 on the death save). But the king we brought along was a cleric who had what was needed for revivify. So Kyssarda came back, with a withered left hand. The Leonin felt responsible for her death because he’d attacked her earlier, and vowed to help her fix her hand. 

I forget exactly when, but during this journey, Kyssarda and the Leonin learned that there was a war brewing between two different kingdoms and that the Elf Rogue seemed to have a personal (but vague?) stake in the outcome of that war.

but ON OUR WAY BACK to the city, we got side-tracked with a quest to help a little girl rescue her family. So we also fought a troll and a hag. And when we were getting her family out, we also found (Surprise!!) the estranged (kinda) sister of the Elf Rogue. 

This lead to some downtime back at the main city. Kyssarda got her hand fixed at a temple. We got the sister of the Elf Rogue healed up at the same temple. The Leonin had a hilarious and embarrassing fight with a creature I can’t remember the name of. And lots of research was done by all about various things. Kyssarda did the most research, as she grew up working in the library section of the monk monastery so she’s always curious. So she starts looking into things about the war going on, and learns that Mr. Elf Rogue is in fact ROYALTY. He’s a prince of one of the countries at war. And we had learned already that he had fled the city with his siblings but not that he was royalty?? So that was a trip to learn. 

Meanwhile, Kyssarda is also helping the Teifling Paladin with some research because he’s been having weird dreams. And while they’re chillin’ in the library, the Paladin finds this book and gets sucked into it. Like. One minute he’s there, one minute he’s not and the book is floating before it closes and slams on the table. So Kyssarda (Ms. Abandonment Issues and also Freshly Traumatized By Havivng Died) panics and takes the book and runs. Our Paladin is still in the book. We sent him a Sending Scroll asking if he was okay and he basically said “Yeah im fine I’ll be back eventually”. Kyssarda also had a nice heart-to-heart with the Elf Rogue about the reemergence of his sister and told him a little about how her own brother abandoned her and encouraged him to just be patient with her (because the sister is not happy with him). 

But the show must go on, and our Elf Rogue really wants to get back to his home and help in the war effort somehow, plus find his brother who also is MIA. So Kyssarda, the Leonin, the Royal Elf Rogue, his sister, AND another human PC (a guy who helped sneak the Elf Rogue and his siblings out the city all those years ago and was being played by the guy who used to be the Paladin) all travel out headed towards the Elf Rogue’s homeland. 

But we get to the border at a bridge, and the party finds themselves facing down some harpies, some marrows, and a water elemental. In the fight, Kyssarda casts silence to help against the siren song the harpies were singing. Which was mostly a good thing. The water elemental was something else though. It engulfed both Kyssarda and the Elf Rogue, and Kyssarda was down to 1 HP when the Leonin yanked her out. However, because of a REALLY unfortunate roll by the human pc to save from a drop into the river (rolled a 2 and had a minus 2 on the modifier), he was unconcious and drowning. And none of our characters knew because. y’know. Silence. He kept drowning as the fight went on. And he eventually got washed up on some rocks and could make one death save after two failed ones. And he failed. And we had no cleric, and besides... it was more than a minute before we found his body down river. 

And all of our characters felt terrible. Kyssarda has a tendency to take blame for things that maybe aren’t strictly her fault, so she definitely feels a weight of responsibility for complicated reasons. The Leonin expressed that he felt some level of responsibility as well, and also hesitation about going forward with the journey though some conversation between Kyssarda and him lead to him continuing on regardless. The Elf Rogue was pretty torn up about it. 

We got some Elf Rogue backstory that addresses the fact that he was royalty (which was something Kyssarda had thought about asking) and more explanation of what’s been going on with him and his connection to the land we’re heading towards. We run into a fey creature that was an old ally of the Elf Rogue and Teifling Paladin, and we agreed to help him.

Cue the session last night.

We go to get some stuff of his back from an Incubus/Succubus pair. And sh!t hit the fan. Our Elf Rogue rolled really high stealth and decided that was a fine reason to dive through the broken window. Meanwhile, we were going on this side-quest with a half-orc barbarian (played by the guy that’s usually the paladin and who had the first PC death of the game the session prior). And the Incubus and Succubus can each essentially mind-control people, or try to. And both our barbarian and our Leonin Blood Hunter failed their wisdom save and so our two biggest heavy hitters were mind-controlled by the enemy. THAT went about as well as you’d expect. 

Over the course of the fight, the Leonin went unconcious twice. Kyssarda once. The Elf Rogue twice. And the barbarian would have gone unconcious but thanks to relentless endurance, he was brought back to one HP. In fact, we reached a point towards the end where the Leonin, Kyssarda, and the Elf Rogue were all unconcious and our barbarian was the only one standing...at one HP. That’s when the incubus (we’d killed his mate by then) took the Elf Rogue’s sister and made a break for it. The barbarian brought me back first (because I was dying in acid and therefore automatically failing death saves). Then I brought back the Leonin and we got the Elf Rogue up too. We managed to chase down the Incubus and save the sister as well. but HOLE. EE. SH!T. Most terrifying, stressful D&D combat of my LIFE. Kyssarda came very, very close for two rounds to offering herself up as a willing victim/slave/whatever if they’d let her friends go. She didn’t because the tide was starting to turn by then in the fight but it was a ROLLERCOASTER.

Before we closed the session, we went back to that fey guy and got paid though Kyssarda stormed off kind of? She didn’t vibe with the guy because she almost lost her friends over his stupid book and she was shaken and upset. But she had a conversation with the Leonin at the end of the session just kinda... dealing with the trauma of the past few days in-game. It was actually a really nice moment. I think my favorite RP moment for Kyssarda so far. 

So yeah! If you read all of this, I’m surprised and touched. Heh. I literally love D&D so freaking much, and I’m especially attached to this party and this character... though her lack of self-preservation does have me starting to plan for another back-up character just in case. ^u^

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E79 (Oct. 1, 2019)

Good evening, all; sorry for the delay! @eponymous-rose is off in heckin’ Bavaria, so those of us left behind must make do on our own. Tonight’s preshow: a beautiful Jester sculpt made by @ohpleasestopit.

Tonight’s guests: Liam O’Brien & Laura Bailey.

Tonight’s announcements: Brian will be moderating a panel called Roleplaying a Human with Mica Burton at NYCC this Thursday. Clint McElroy from TAZ, Joe Starr, and others (many others) will be there as well. Oct. 3 at 12:30pm in room 1A21. No CR this week due to ComicCon; they’ll airing a oneshot dmed by Sam instead. Brian, Liam, & Laura share difficulties spelling each other’s names (Riegel? Reigal? Rie-gel?) and I’m infinitely relieved. They also just took Travis through the haunted house they promised after reaching the secret stretch goal for the Kickstarter & filmed it, so that will be airing Thursday, Oct. 10 on the Youtube channel! Brian’s happy he seemed genuinely terrified in some parts; “when he wants to move quick, he can.”

Episode 79: Through the Trees

CR Stats: Fjord cast his 100th Eldritch Blast. Liam has received 5 whispers this campaign. The natural 1 perception check into the tree camp was the 1000th natural one this game. The longest peer combat this campaign was 9 rounds against Oban. The only encounters longer than one in-game minute were crossing the Gibbering Chasm and escaping from Gelidon.

Caleb empathizes with Yasha because they’ve both “had their heads scrambled a bit.” He also thinks her muscle would be useful, as well as finding they have a lot in common despite not talking much this campaign. He thinks it’s also in part because they’re a bit lost in their planning stages now.

Jester finds it heavy scrying on Yasha because she’s the only one truly seeing everything. She found it encouraging that Yasha is still trying to fight. She doesn’t think Greater Restoration will be enough to break his hold. Brian tells us Ashley is fully caught up on the show right now and is VERY excited to get back.

Caleb feels like the M9 have been “eating shit” lately. Every plan seems to go wrong; they feel frustrated as players too. Liam: “They are not the Elite Seal Team Six, you know? They’re still scrappy assholes. They’re dealing with things that are so much bigger than them; let’s just focus on this one thing--“ Laura: “--and it’s still too big for us, you know? As players we know we’re going in over our head, but as characters you have to go after your friend, right? That’s hard because I know if dice rolls had gone differently, we could have come out on top.” They do think something good will come out of this struggle, though, even if it’s hard when your characters aren’t heroes.

They’ve spent way longer as the M9 to get to this level vs. VM.

Caleb’s more physical connection with Essek this episode had nothing to do with the whisper. Caleb felt he was a bit put-out, and he was just trying to connect. He does think Essek is “fun” in his own way with the M9.

Jester was more cautious this episode because both she & Cad were almost completely out of heals & revivifies. “It just didn’t seem smart to rush in.”

Liam started to really worry when abandoning the circle in order to help everyone else; he’d checked with CR Stats and discovered that very few encounters had gone long enough for the plan to work, so he made the split-section decision to abandon it and help in a manifest way instead.

Cosplay of the Week: A gorgeous Cad by LizardKingCosplay. Laura: “Man, Taliesin’s designs are always so fucking extra.”

Jester wants to bring joy to people; at the same time, she realizes people think she’s naive. She’s at the point where she wants people to look at her and see her in the way they see other adults.

Laura thinks Essek should have stayed and helped a little instead of leaving. Dani: “It’s not my fault; it’s the NPC’s.” Liam talks about feeling so competent after the dragon only to have this other task fail very visibly in front of Essek.

Caleb was frustrated about the counterspell issue, but recognizes it was an artifact of how chaotic that fight got. “It’s like Jenga. It’s what happens.”

“We’re not pushing Travelercon.” If the time comes & the M9 are not where Jester needs them to be, she will probably leave the M9 to go to Travelercon.

Liam talks about how Laura loves to mess with Travis and make him think there are ghosts or that the people he’s talking to are not real. Dani tells us of a recent incident where Travis was bent down talking to a little girl, and Laura walked up and said, “Baby, who are you talking to?” It is hilarious.

Caleb held up his other book during the banishment because it was something he believed the creature would find offensive, like a crucifix to a vampire. Laura is delighted at this coy drop.

Fanart of the Week: @lissinatorr with an awesome M9 portrait in their new costumes.

While it feels a little different now, throwing Guidance around as much as Jester does right now reminds her of her childhood, where he was more accessible.

Brief divergence where everyone talks about accents, and Laura tells us the best advice JB Blanc (Laura’s dialogue coach in Unchartered) gave her was to do it with confidence.

Caleb looked for information about the Traveler because he wants to make sure Jester will remain safe & that she’s not tied to something dangerous.

Jester had tutors growing up because Marion wanted her to be cultured, but Jester never had interest in going to school. In Laura’s backstory, when Jester was tossed out of Nicodranus, she was given thousands of gold that she immediately blew “on carriage rides, on clothes for her horse--she wanted them to have matching dresses!” Laura assures us she is not nearly so profligate with money in her real life.

Neither Laura nor Liam knows what Essek wants from them, but Liam wonders if it will be something directly related to the war; “go here and kill these orphans, etc.” Laura just wants to have a fully good NPC on their side.

The only way to deal with their current defeats is to recognize it as characters and move forward from that.

Laura talks about how everyone in the M9 has doubts about their NPCs because everyone’s background involves them being betrayed. She talks about how in RPGs some decisions can be difficult to make because they can’t see if innocent people will be harmed. They feel like they’re walking a tightrope. Liam says it feels like they’ve been totally self-consumed so far and that it’s going to be a change when a bigger crisis truly demands their attention.

And that’s all for tonight! Is it Thursday yet?

[an-oger-in-the-wild]

Children Shouldn’t Play with Undead Things

So here’s a fun little team-building exercise I threw at three of my PCs who met a couple in-game days before the official start of the campaign / meeting of the rest of the PCs. The summary? Three unlikely people meet on a coastal beach and end up hanging out in a coastal town’s tavern, chatting the night away, until they - along with the other patrons of the tavern - start getting attacked by an unknown and unseen source: a poltergeist. The three PCs in question consisted of an aasimar warlock, a half-orc cleric, and a wood-elf druid, so some really cool and interesting social and debuff spells (like Detect Evil and Good, Faerie Fire, and Message to name a few) were available for use that didn’t have to be damage-focused, teaching the group early that you don’t necessarily have to only have combat spells equipped in order to overcome obstacles or solve problems.

If you’d like to use this encounter for your 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd level (like my group was) party, you’ll want to be sure to lay a good foundation of visual descriptions - little things that are actually Easter eggs for the party to remember later, realizing that they were actually clues.

QUEST LEAD:  This encounter takes place in a small tavern called Bottles & Drafts.  You can read this little block of text to introduce your characters to the first NPC in this encounter; or, alternatively, you can use your own tavern or NPC if you already have a place in mind:

You see, as you enter, a pleasantly-lit tavern, complete with a small hearth, two long tables, three smaller round tables, and a neatly-kept bar with stools. Looking around, you notice that the dining area is rather saddlery-themed with things like horseshoes, halters, and old bridles hung on the wall for décor, befitting of the inn’s adjoining stables out back.  Near an entryway to a hall at the far end of the room, you see a physically imposing grayish/green-skinned woman - about 6' 1" - with short, chipped tusks protruding from her lips.  She wears a brown tank top with olive-colored cotton pants, and her light-brown hair is kept short on top and shaved close on the sides.  She's standing on a small ladder, hanging a new item on the wall: a black leather horse whip (or some might call it a crop).  She's mounting it to the wall as best she can, but it keeps falling off the wall each time she gets off the ladder, making her visibly frustrated as she repeats the process three times in the time it takes you to find a seat.

This is Jacoba, a half-orc (use stat block of berserker) - she owns the inn, Bottles & Drafts (named thus as your adventurers can both purchase a night’s stay there or take a trip around back to its stables to purchase a mount, such as a draft or riding horse). Today, your party happens to walk in on her hanging a whip...little do they know that this is the item to which the poltergeist has attached itself. 

Part 1: a Start to an Exciting Evening

Be sure the party knows they are not the only ones in the tavern!  Three other patrons sit in different areas of the inn (each to themselves):

Roberick Zemony, male human (looks visibly intoxicated)

Tawnel Ostoro, male half-elf (dressed in the uniform of the local guards)

Baerla Flaskbraids, female dwarf (has a small rabbit familiar with her)

While the party sits around conversing - probably around a meal or a few drinks - have some strange things happen as the evening approaches:

Random drinks sitting in front of patrons at the bar tip over onto their laps, soaking them.

Patrons go to sit in their chairs...but right before they sit down, the chair is just a little too far from them and they fall to the floor on their asses.

The whip will continue to fall off the wall, usually AT Jacoba as she walks by with a plate of food or a platter filled with drinks.  

She will eventually give up on trying to mount it and will make a scene as her barbarian temper gets the better of her: describe her as being close to raging mad over the “stupid whip,” picking it up (perhaps putting the strap in her mouth and gnawing at it for a moment) then violently whipping a vacant spot at the bar with it a few times before throwing the whip down the hallway and heading back behind the bar.

If the party tries to interact with Jacoba or ask her about the whip, she can explain that the décor is a collection of old pieces that have either been found by patrons who frequent the tavern or are left behind after a rental horse or carriage is returned.  This most recent piece was actually given to her earlier today by a tradesman who came through for a drink (while nothing more has to come of this mention, you could always develop this out into an extended quest).

With a good enough Charisma check, Jacoba may also tell the party what she knows about the other three patrons left in the tavern if they get inquisitive:

Roberick Zemony, male Human (nightly patron; commoner, middle-aged; "dad bod," thinning hair; lazy-sounding drunken voice)

Tawnel Ostoro, male half-elf guard (off-duty but still in his regalities; just got off his guard duty shift and likes to come up for a quick sip or two before he returns to the barracks for the evening; condescending)

Baerla Flaskbraids, female dwarf (a scout passing through on her way back to her guildhall north of here; just finished clearing out a pesky infestation of stirges and is staying the night before heading back in the morning)

Part 2: It Begins

Once it’s officially evening, the party sees Roberick get up to go to "water the flowers" (at which Jacoba threatens to kill him if he does).

As he stands to leave, the flames in the wall sconces all extinguish at once and the sound of Roberick screaming in pain and then moaning fills the room.          

          (HE DEAD, Y'ALL.)

Jacoba will quickly try to relight the sconces if no one casts a spell before this is done.

Once there is light, everyone will be able to see Roberick's dead body on the floor, a knife stuck in his chest.

If no one revives him, proceed to Part 3.

If someone casts Revivify or Speak with Dead, he won't know what hit him or killed him.

Part 3: a Murder Mystery

Before Tawnel (the half-elf guard) allows anyone to move, he will swiftly walk over to the door (the only exit) and bar it shut, stating that "no one will be leaving here until I find out who killed this man."

Investigation checks can begin to be made against the dead body (DC: 13).

On a success, they can tell from the angle of impact and the blood splatter that the attack had to have come from the direction of the bar and that the knife had to have been flung at him from a distance.

If investigating for magic, use the same DC for an Arcana check; however, no magical aura is detected around the body or the knife.

If spells like Detect Magic or Detect Evil and Good are cast, assume that the poltergeist will not be within the 30 foot radius in this one instance; after the party has made some good detective work headway though, feel free to reward smart casting by allowing the undead creature to “light up” as it were.  Those spells last 10 minutes unless dropped, so you can toy with them by having the poltergeist move in and out of the range of the spell occasionally.

Insight checks can be made against the NPCs for added intrigue if the characters are suspicious or on-edge:

Tawnel (the half-elf guard): this is probably the most exciting thing he's ever seen as a guard of a relatively uninteresting city, so he's hoping that getting to the bottom of this murder will help him climb the ladder of success

Alibi: he's "one of the good guys" and just wants to figure out what happened…he was sitting in the corner reading smut (but he won't want anyone to know that this is what he was reading).

Motive: everyone - including Tawnel - knows Roberick…he's the town drunk and tends to get into trouble when he drinks: Tawnel has arrested him on a couple occasions for indecency in front of children and found him no better than the dirt beneath his boots - Jacoba has heard him say before that “it would be a better world without Roberick in it.”

Baerla (the dwarf scout): has only been seen thus far to be talking to her rabbit...plus she has a longbow on her back and a sword at her side - seems strange enough to draw some attention, right?

Alibi: she knows no one here - why would she kill someone?...she was busy scrolling a message to send with her animal messenger (a rabbit) back to her guildhall to inform them of the completion of her job; her rabbit is "gone now though."

Motive: Roberick was being loud and obnoxious and (per Baerla) was making fun of her height earlier that evening.

Jacoba (the half-orc tavern owner / berserker): normal day, just got a new shipment of food today as well as a few new bridle materials, some new tankards, that kind of thing; a tradesman bartered with her for a new item for her tavern - the whip.  

Alibi: she was serving drinks when the lights went out and Roberick dropped dead.

Motive: Roberick was behind on his tab by several months - Tawnel knows that this has really been bothering Jacoba lately.

Part 4: Further Bloodshed

The poltergeist will become enraged by any light-based spells or by radiant damage (clerics and paladins BEWARE!).

It will also get increasingly angry if the whip is in any way touched or damaged.  If someone moves within 30 feet of the poltergeist’s area, it will become aggressive and throw things using its Telekinetic Thrust (+4 to hit, 2d4 bludgeoning or piercing damage, depending on the item); if they get reeeeally close, it will use its Forceful Slam attack (+4 to hit, reach 5 feet, 3d6 force damage).

NOTE: If you really want to freak the party out, try throwing them around with its Telekinetic Thrust by rolling a contested Strength (the PC) versus Charisma (the poltergeist) check to see if the undead creature can “hurl the target up to 30 feet in any direction, including upward,” causing 1d6 damage per 10 feet moved - I wouldn’t recommend this unless your group can handle these amounts of damage though - always playtest before playing!

Part 5: Reclaiming Serenity

There are a couple of ways this can go:

If you have a party who loves to get stuff done by way of combat, you can certainly take the most direct route by allowing them to work through the difficulties of waging war with a creature who never turns visible. As mentioned in my opening paragraph, debuff spells like Detect Evil and Good, Faerie Fire, or See Invisibility are great uses of spellcasting while in combat with an invisible creature.  Additionally, you may have a party member who thinks outside the box and has the idea to try to destroy the item to which the spirit is attached - this is a great idea! A low-level encounter like this is a nice way to condition your party for battles that cannot simply be won by hacking and slashing.

If you have a party or party member who wants to make the world a better place with a more passive approach, you could delve deeper into the backstory of the poltergeist, giving it a history that shaped it into a malevolent spirit. Use the whip as inspiration: did the whip belong to the spirit in its previous life? Was it sentimental? Does it need returned to someone in order for the spirit to find peace? Alternatively, does the whip have a darker connotation - was it a weapon used against the spirit in its former life? Is the spirit seeking an unattainable revenge on innocent victims?  Ponder these things and come up with a flexible and easily improved story in case you have a tenderhearted sorcerer or a righteous paladin with high charisma who want to try to reason with the undead creature.  Allow a series of Persuasion checks to convince the poltergeist that they don’t need to act violently or to help the undead creature to pass on into the next life: this can make for a really memorable role-playing moment that will change the normally black and white outlook most parties have on undead creatures.

Thanks for reading, guys!  If you like this post and would like to get more encounter idea inspiration like this one, let me know by asking to be included on my Enticing Encounters taglist!

[secretadventuresociety]

Episode 30 Recap

It’s that time again, SASholes! I’m Bren, resident SAStorian and Kü enthusiast. Welcome to Episode 30: Fire and Bone.

“Who Broke the Sky?”

On the walk back from the Night Market, our heroes take in the bright swirls of the aurora in the Mardosta welkin. Despite the heaviness of the evening, the sight brings on conversation about the coming festival-- which will necessitate new clothes and money to buy them with. Kess makes sure to impress upon Pearce that he can’t wear his red paint-stained mask, and so the gunslinger turns to Kü and asks if he would take off his helmet; his reasoning being that it would be ‘weird’ if he wore it. Now, I know what you’re doing here, Shooty Boy, and it’s admirable. However, if you ever tell my son how to dress again I will rip your character sheet up in front of you. ANYWAY. The matter is dropped as the party’s attention once again returns to gold (and honestly? Mood.) and they decide to go seek out Norse and Arthur to find out if they found the note and attached moolah that Pearce accidentally slid under their door. They find the couple lounging on their floor-- the whole floor that they have to themselves-- with cocktails in hand. Arthur immediately offers them a ‘Mardosta Mule’, which excites Kü. He turns to Pearce and exclaims that he’s had horses and donkeys, but never this ‘newfangled fusion’. 

As they all get turnt, Norse admits she did find the letter and assures the group she did NOT tell Brienne about it, just in case. Relieved, Kess explains the mix-up, then asks what her elders DID tell the detective. Norse reports that they were relatively honest, up until the point where they were questioned about Xarus’ presence in the house. They covered well, however, telling the investigator that he came to work with one of Kess’ brothers. The investigation does not seem to be closed, but the parents think that they are in the clear for now. Kess asks about Vendreth’s reaction, and Norse isn’t as forthcoming. All she will say is that he was fine, just upset that he wasn’t told sooner. Placated, the adventurers start in on their Madosta experiences, which to be fair, are limited because of… you know… all the murder. In any case, it makes a perfect venue for distraction as Pearce and Kess allow the nine year old kobold to drink TWO mules-- which for his body weight HAS to be more like TWENTY-TWO mules-- so that they can possibly talk him into removing his helmet. His skull. His-- skull helmet. Skelmet.

Kü gets to the point where the alcohol is giving him the sads instead of a buzz (which, RELATABLE, amirite?) and he tells everyone he’s just trying to ‘not think about how I feel or feel about how I think’ and realizes the mule is donkey-kicking him right in his racehorse heart. I think I tried too hard on that last sentence but I’m leaving it. Fuck you. In an attempt to make Kü feel better, Kess brings out one of our favorite callback jokes-- the singing bass. She tosses it at the kobold and in his drunken haze he bites at the writhing meat, coming away with a mouthful of dead scales. Did you guys know that thing was an actual, enchanted fish? ANYWAY. With this being the nail in the coffin of the worst day of Kü’s life (which INCLUDES his mom dying), our little buddy nopes out to sleep off the alcohol, leaving Pearce and Kess to their own devices.

The Suicide Squad

Being wary of the dozing kobold, Pearce quietly tells Kess that if Brienne comes after Kü to incarcerate him; he would take the fall for him. Kess counters that they probably have ways to see if he’s telling the truth-- but then realizes that they could eliminate the problem altogether if they separated the being from Kü. The fishsticks from earlier betray our druid-- the combination of the grease and stress forcing them from her stomach and onto the nice guest room floor. She flings a sidelong look at Kü and decides that their ‘stealth speak’ may not be enough to escape Mother’s… uh. Not ears, but-- whatever an evil being uses to listen. I didn’t take Eldritch Anatomy. The pair take off toward the greenhouse, Kess instinctively leading to the place she feels most at home. Once inside, they rehash all that they know about Skugamor. 

Pearce looks at the scene around him, soil spotted with Kess’ white flowers with the black iris, and he takes off the dried remains of the one he picked and places it with the others. He asks if Ashe is of a similar type as Mother, and Kess denies it. She says that she thinks her power isn’t tied to the being, but it does help him in some way. This inspires her to grow a flower to try and talk to Ashe to get help with their situation, but no answer comes. Pearce, irate, takes hold of it like a microphone and shouts into it, obscenely demanding attention. In a panic, Kess draws the rest of her strength and grows another flower-- and when it only waves in response, an insidious idea blooms. The changeling tells Pearce she saw Ashe when she was dead (unconscious), and without further explanation the gunslinger refuses to help one of his best friends die (get knocked tf out). He does, however, offer to take her to Rook’s room (you know, where the poison is— the poison to kill Kess. Kess’ poison. THAT poison) so that they have someone else to assist should the whole dying (slight coma) thing go wrong.

As they’re headed back into the house already, the duo go into the guest room to let Kü know their plans. Pearce wakes up the kobold and Kess breathlessly explains her brain blast, asking him if he wants to join them. The sleep immediately leaves Kü’s drooping eyes as rage fills its place. His voice booms with pain and accusation-- unbelieving that she could even think of killing herself (taking a quick nap with no breathing) because of him, especially after she told him she wouldn’t leave him the way that Jendee, Dorf, Augustus, and his mother had. He pointedly asks her ‘Do you know how I would feel if you died trying to fix me? Not that I NEED fixing” and as the anger gives way to sadness, he mutters that he was better off asleep. Effectively having talked Kess out of being near-suicidal, Kü takes this opportunity to relieve himself of his party’s company while he cools off. He storms out and starts to stalk the halls for his nightly watch.

Küdini

Now alone, Kü registers Mother attempting to speak with him. She extinguishes all the firelight around him, and the kobold lets loose a bloodcurdling scream for help. Kess and Pearce emerge from the guest room, the former running to all of her relative’s rooms to ensure their safety, and the latter posting up beside Kü. Everyone on their floor seems to be fine, but before they can let a sigh of relief loosen from their lungs, a scream rings out from downstairs. If you’re feeling deja vu, rest assured, it’s about to get REAL different. Pearce yells at Kü to go outside, but as he tries to comply, it’s soon clear that he and his party members are dashing toward the scream instead of going their separate ways. The lights continue to go out as they bolt through the halls-- stopping finally as the group comes to see two hired hands; one standing frozen in horror… and one being constricted by shadows.

Not knowing what to do, Kü tries to counterspell the tendrils of darkness. When nothing happens, he instead casts fly on himself and throws his tiny body at the Drow chef in front of him-- who is suspended in midair, choking from the pressure on his throat. He succeeds, but only inasmuch as he gets him on the ground. Kü watches as the light dies in the chef’s eyes-- not unlike the lantern fires that now flicker to life around them. Kess, acting quickly, brings out a diamond and uses Revivify to save the fallen housemate. The druid then heals him for good measure; giving him no time to recover from his experience before she and Pearce give him food and drink before asking him to recount the events of the night. He doesn’t remember much, and before the two can dig in deeper, Norse pulls Kess aside to ask what the actual fuck is going on. 

Her daughter tells her about Mother, about Kü’s past, about their current predicament. She fears Kü is a warlock, and that the shadowy magic comes from his patron, who is wreaking havoc in their home. Mind clouded by fury, Norse reveals that she was plotting to kill Xarus already, and with this secret out-- a wave of calm washes over her-- and she marvels at Kess having enough magic within her to save a life. It’s then that Norse ushers the younger Shadowmore away to check on her friends. She sees Pearce, and they link up to head outside for Kü. However, once there, they see no trace of him. He’s vanished.

I’ll Fly Away

Unbeknownst to anyone, Kü used the remainder of his Fly spell to escape soundlessly from the Shadowmore manor. It carries him to the treeline of Mardosta, and once it fails, he falls into the snow, sobbing. His shaking arms reach up and lift the helmet from his head-- bringing it to face him. Nothing happens, and the kobold tries to form one word. His heavy heart crushes the ‘why’ rising from his gut, and he lays down on the unforgiving snow. Kü squeezes the skull to his chest and sleep claims him. The green and purple of the aurora above stick behind his eyelids as they close. They twist into a nightmare of screams, slaughter, and ash until everything goes still; melting into a small campfire. The warmth radiates from his mind to his body, and an excited voice calls out to him. Kü attempts to respond, but there is some sort of disconnect. The cry implores him to find them-- admitting they’ve been watching him for some time and are anxious to meet him.

Kü awakens, afraid and unsettled. He reaches out to Mother, who tells him that she’s tired and will talk to him in the morning. The kobold, however, has other plans. He refuses to wait, and Mother fumes at the fact that he thinks he is in any position to be demanding when he took away her kill, but she relents. She asks if Kü doesn’t want her to get stronger anymore, and he timidly replies that he does, but he needs to know who she really is. Her anger rises as she fires back the same question to him-- accusing him of not acting like himself, of being stupid. In recompense for his insolence, Mother tells him that now, HE needs to spill blood for her once a day. If he doesn’t, she will be forced to, and she won’t show any prejudice. Seeing no other way out, the kobold agrees, placing the skull back on his head and sits in silence. After a couple of hours watching the night sky, Kü grows hungry and he decides to try and make his way (SOMEHOW) back to the mansion.

While all this is happening, Kess and Pearce are panicking. Kess shapeshifts into a giant owl and persuades Pearce to hop on her back. In this higher vantage point, they find the missing kobold within twenty minutes, and Kess swoops down to intercept him. Kü assumes he is about to be eaten until he sees Pearce, and Kess drops her form before he can run away. Things escalate quickly from here, and I bet you can guess whose fault it is. Pearce whips out his gun and points it at Kü, assuring the kobold that he doesn’t want to hurt him, but he needs to remove the helmet. Kü relents, placing it on the ground. Kess and Pearce take in their friend’s visage for the first time. He sports small, nubby horns and a long, healed scar from the top of his head to his nose. The gunslinger asks for one reason not to shoot the skull, and Kü tells him he doesn’t think it would stop Mother. The two quickly realize, however, that Kü doesn’t need to be wearing the skull for his powers, which seems to soothe them somewhat. 

Mommy Dearest

Because the hits to my heart never stop, Kü voices his decision to leave the group. He tells Kess and Pearce that he wants to go home to his cave, and they agree-- excited to go with him, thinking digging into his past may help. The kobold shakes his head and clarifies he wants to go alone; he is afraid their timers will go faster if they stay with him-- and that as long as he’s in Mardosta, people will continue to die. He realizes he can let go of his anger at Gus, who only left because he thought what he was doing was right. Pearce tells Kü he has effectively paused his timer; and he and Kess aren’t going anywhere. Kess says they can find a way to break it, but Kü dejectedly murmurs, “She’s the only one who won’t leave. I can’t let her leave; not again’. So-- they then discuss other options; Kü wonders if he can find a Scott-like douchebag (and Xarus, just saying) to take out every day to keep Mother away.

Kess brandishes the page she ripped from the library book and hands it to Kü. He sees the illustration of the struggling victim of the shadows but is unable to read the words; so he passes it off to Pearce to read for him. Afterward, Kess asks the kobold if he believes the entity in his mind to still be his mother. Kü launches into the story of what happened to his real mom in answer; saying that a giant spider had stalked him and that his mother gave up her life for his-- and months later he found her skull, picked clean from other scavengers. That’s when he heard her, telling him to pick up the skull and take her with him. Kess, unnerved by the story, switches back into her owl form and flies the trio to a cave she used to hide in-- covered in dusty furniture and knick knacks. They start a fire with the forgotten relics, and from the flames comes the voice that Kü heard in his dream. She introduces herself as Kertilios, encouraging Kü to call her Kerti. They are able to communicate this time, and Kü learns that she is the disowned daughter of Skugamor, the Goddess of Warmth, the Daughter of Firelight. She tells him they can get rid of Mother together, and he took an important first step by removing his helmet; they’ll need to destroy it.

Overwhelmed, Kü admits that his waking hours hadn’t been very good to him, and though the sleeping hours weren’t much better, he needed some time away from the hurt. The kobold hands off his helmet to Pearce and lies down by the fire. Pearce lets Kess sleep as well, watching the skull for an hour or two before the changeling rises from her sleep, unable to breathe. The gunslinger instinctively attempts to shoot the skull, throwing an apology to Kü as he does so. Kü, however, does not hear it-- his mind is an unending echo of questions. The Shadowmother heard Kü talking to Kerti, and she’s not happy. In terror, Kü makes an effort to banish Kess to another plane of existence long enough for her to be out of Mother’s grip, but it fails. Pearce continues attacking the resilient bone, and Kess shapeshifts to loosen the hold the shadows have on her. Out of magical options, Kü gives Mother a warning. He tells her, “Let go of my friend, you FUCKING BITCH”, and when she doesn’t, he pulls the last bead from his Necklace of Fireball and the helmet goes up in flames; Pearce narrowly missing secondhand damage. The shadows recede violently with a howl, and Kü drops to his knees, hearing a small “You’ve done it” from Kerti in his mind.

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TL;DR

I was not ready for Kü’s Molly Weasley moment, y’all.

I think this is an important time to mention that self-harm does not fix anything; even fantasy problems. *cough*Kess*cough*

Can we be done with the Sad now?? What do you mean we still have DADDY ISSUES to explore?!

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Hugs and Kesses my friends, and catch the next session over at twitch.tv/lochness on September 8th at 7:30CST/8:30EST! If you’d like to watch THIS episode, follow the link below:

Secret Adventure Society | Session 30: Fire and Bone

[friendshipcampaign]

Session Recap 4/22/18

When the party knocked on the door of Auntie Eyren Keep’s hut the next morning, she flung it open enthusiastically and offered to make everyone breakfast from her cauldron once she’d fed the animals that lived in the pens near her place. Everyone seated themselves inside to wait, and when she returned, she grabbed some things intended to be useful to the party on their upcoming mission to check on the demiplane’s heart.

First, she showed them a new map, with the layout of the island as she had arranged it the previous night and it would hopefully remain for their journey. She also mentioned that she’d been successful in finding 12 water-breathing lozenges, as well as a handful of lozenges of protection which could grant them resistance to certain kinds of damage if they sucked on them and a shorter burst of full immunity if they crunched the candies. At this point, she also pulled out some other odds and ends that she thought might prove helpful -- a bottle of changeling’s tears for seeing creatures on the Ethereal Plane, a an alphabetical spinner ring that could be used to modify the capabilities of a spell to something else that rhymed, a scarf that could grant the wearer blindsense (but only if they tied it over their eyes), and a ball of regenerating string. She also pulled out the iron token one of them would be able to use to communicate with her again, which Kriv recommended that Voski take since she was the only one of them to not have gotten knocked out at some point.

That comment reminded the hag there was something else she’d meant to give them, which she rummaged around to find. This final object she presented them with was a dark red egg, that looked as though it had once been broken and repaired with gold and resin. It had curling elvish script engraved across it, with a warm light shining through the letters. She explained that it was a phoenix’s egg that could be cracked within a minute of a creature’s death to revivify them, and she wanted the party to have it seeing as she was asking them to do something very dangerous. Kriv accepted it to put with his healing things.

Ditto excitedly took the rhymer’s ring, and Kriv asked if it would be alright for him to take the blindsight scarf, since he was the only party member left without a way to see in the dark. Amaranth picked up the changeling’s tears, and everyone divided up the water-breathing lozenges so that they would each have two. There was some discussion of who should take the lozenges of protection (Kriv made a comment about maybe giving the one for protection from cold to one of the two party members who’d had bad experiences with cold damage already, looking pointedly at Voski and Erwyn, but neither of them said anything), but ultimately they all went into the Bag of Holding, along with everything else that hadn’t been claimed by one of them specifically.

As everyone had breakfast (with the exception of Erwyn, who’d quietly said he didn’t feel particularly hungry and just asked for something for the road), Kriv headed over to the gear and crystal ball to have a look inside. He was presented with a vision of his aunt and some of his old coworkers in the Mews. They all looked happy.

When he sat back down with the others, Amaranth asked Kriv if he’d seen anything good. He replied that he had, which lead Erwyn to sink a little lower in his chair. Auntie Eyren muttered that she really ought to cover that thing up, and Voski offered her a scarf to hid it with that she’d stolen off of a guard in Soreth.

As the party prepared to leave, everyone but Ditto seemed to have some trouble locating one of their belongings as they packed. It was almost as if they’d disappeared for a moment. But fortunately, all of the missing things were eventually located, and they were able to head out. Ditto croaked at the giant frogs in the pond as they left (not trying to actually talk to them, just to mimic their noises). The inevitable near the hedges asked them if they’d gained any knowledge from their “parley” with the hag. Voski told it that they’d gained string.

There was a bit of deliberation over which entrance they should head for -- clearly not the one in the area full of elemental fire, but most of the others seemed like they could be fair game. Erwyn suggested that if they headed towards the one along the coastline, he might be able to be of a bit more use navigating, since he had a degree of familiarity with that sort of terrain. Since the current organization of the island meant it would only lead them towards difficult territory (bordering on arctic temperatures) at the end of the trip, it was agreed this was a decent idea.

As they started walking along the coastal dunes, Kriv noticed that Erwyn seemed to be lagging behind quite a bit again and asked if today was another day he needed to ride on top of Volfred instead of trying to keep up the pace with everyone else when he was clearly struggling. Erwyn conceded, saying that he didn’t want to be a liability, and Kriv helped him to get atop the giant goat.

Voski and Amaranth both noted some oddly realistic stone statues along the rockier outcroppings as they traveled -- in particular, one of a seagull that looked frozen mid-flap. They alerted the others, and concerned that a dangerous creature might be loose, Kriv cast Aid on everyone. It had a tangible bolstering feeling, which prompted Amaranth to ask “Did you just learn that?” Kriv replied “No, I just forget the things I can do.”

Erwyn indicated through gestures that he would like to get off of Volfred and got down to examine the area around the statues. He made an effort to track any creatures that had passed through to area, but only managed to glean that there were two paths traveled by something heavy, as well as some odd circular parts of the rock that looked as though they had melted an reformed. He suggested that they head in the direction where there were no signs of other creatures and stayed off of Volfred to try to keep an eye out for such trails, though he apologized for slowing everyone down. 

It wasn’t too much longer before the party reached the next line of fog, stepping through it into an area that felt much more “real” than the last had, with brighter colors and more solid ground. As they headed forward, they noticed something small and pink in the grass off to the right, but everyone agreed it would be wisest to leave it alone, and they skirted past it. Shortly afterwards, they heard the sound of barking, though no creature was visible. Voski glanced at Ditto and told her “Don’t” to which the gnome replied “I wasn’t!” (though she seemed clearly interested in whatever this creature might be).

Just as Kriv was putting the scarf he’d been given over his eyes to try to spot the creature, it materialized before them as a large dog, bounding up to the party. He seemed very nervous about it. Voski contacted Auntie Eyren to ask about it and was told the creature was a blink dog. By the time she was done inquiring, Kriv had gotten up on top of Volfred to avoid it. Erwyn mentioned being somewhat familiar with blink dogs when Voski asked if anyone else knew anything about them, saying that elves were known to breed them (he actually said “we” and then pointed at his own ears, seeming reluctant or nervous or both to mention his race aloud) and said that it probably wouldn’t hurt one. Ditto happily petted the dog all the way to the next fog boundary.

Everyone experienced a strange feeling of disorientation as they stepped through into the next area, which proved to still be coastal, but blending with a marsh that was covered in a less-supernatural-looking light fog. They hadn’t been walking for very long when Amaranth picked up on a buzzing sound in the air and a swarm of mosquito-like creatures with fleshy wings started to swoop down towards the party. Amaranth asked if they were going to fight them and Erwyn pointed out they’d sort of been asked not to, so she instructed everyone to run instead.

Kriv picked up Erwyn before he could react and tossed him back on Volfred, telling his mount to run, but to listen to what Erwyn asked of him. Voski dashed forward after casting Dancing Lights into the midst of the creatures to try to disorient them at around the same time Volfred bolted. Ditto also tried making a distraction, casting Major Image between the party and the swarm in the shape of a fire elemental, then ran herself, shouting “I’m doing this!” to try to let the party know what was happening.

Some of the creatures were thrown off, but others pursued, with three each managing to latch onto Kriv and Amaranth, who were the furthest behind, and start sucking their blood. Amaranth pulled one off herself and stabbed one of the ones latched onto Kriv with her dagger, shouting “Okay, let’s go!” -- Kriv followed suit by ripping another off himself and running after her. Seeing that other party members were attacked, Voski skidded to a halt and cast Shatter in the middle of the swarm, exploding nearly all the monsters. Hearing the sound, Ditto stopped in her tracks in surprise, dismissing the “fire elemental” when she turned around and saw the carnage. Erwyn told Volfred to stop running as well, jumping off (though doing so a bit wobbly) to join the others.

Four more of the creatures descended on Kriv and Amaranth, but when they reached the others they were relatively easily removed (Voski swatted one of the ones on Amaranth while Kriv punched some others off of himself.) A few remained, which Ditto put to sleep -- at which point Kriv gently set the one that had still been on him on the ground. Both Kriv and Amaranth were fairly injured by the ordeal, causing Erwyn used Cure Wounds on the rogue and for the paladin to heal himself with Lay on Hands.

As they started to walk away, Erwyn quietly told Kriv that he could “at least ask” before tossing him out of danger, and Kriv apologized, saying he’d panicked. Erwyn still seemed upset. Ditto meanwhile asked Voski to try not to hurt the creatures here like that, and Voski defended herself by saying that they’d tried peaceful solutions that hadn’t prevented the swarm from putting them all in very real danger. Ditto conceded that she was at least grateful that she’d protected them, but Voski didn’t seem to hear.

While walking, Kriv tried talking to Erwyn again, confronting him about the fact that they both knew he wouldn’t have been capable of keeping up with the others had he tried to run on his own. Erwyn once again called himself a liability and Kriv disagreed, saying that he’d been using other strengths, but that if someone was going to be taking big hits he’d rather it be him and not Erwyn. The elf quietly said that even if that were the case, there were methods of helping someone with their weaknesses that threw them in their face less.

An eerie silence fell across the marshlands that set everyone one edge. Voski began to notice a massive, multi-headed shadow looming from behind everyone, but nothing appeared to be casting it. She quietly contacted Auntie Eyren, who said it might be something like an ethereal filcher, marauder, or something even bigger, which she couldn’t control and the party would be alright fighting if they ran into one. Voski then suggested, via Message, that Amaranth might want to put the changeling’s tears on her eyes and take a look behind them. The rogue did so, and saw a giant hook-shaped creature with six writhing, tentacle-like mouths and another larger mouth hanging above them. When it noticed her looking at it, it tensed, then charged.

[anwenduskvale]

The Final Decision

Nammith, Lilith and I had just finished having breakfast, when Jimmy came running into the barracks out of breath and looking panicked. He told us we were to go with him for a final quest. Maronae had split the votes between our group and Corbeau’s and wanted us to retrieve a gem that purifies the waters in Topkapi. We rushed to the teleportation circle and arrived in a swamp. As we trudged through the mud, I regretted not having prepared Waterwalk and Freedom of Movement for the day. The Corbeau group was way ahead of us, but they did clear out all the monsters in the area, so we didn’t have to deal with that.

We caught up to them in a cave only to find they were fighting a giant frog. They looked rather winded and distracted. I suggested Jimmy sneak around and try to get the gem while they were busy with the frog and we would set up for an ambush in case they had already found it. Celia spotted Jimmy however, and asked for our assistance. We quickly killed the thing, but not before it was able to deafen Nammith. Just as I figured out what was wrong with him, Celia had already walked right up and restored his hearing.

Welby greeted us and slipped what appeared to be the gem into Arc’s mouth and gave him instructions to return it to Maronae. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I knew we had lost. I didn’t want to let the opportunity pass us by, but I didn’t want to fight people I considered friends either. Jimmy tried to talk Welby into giving us the gem, but Welby just brushed him off and continued walking.

If they had put the gem anywhere else besides inside of Arc, I had thought it would be easy to ambush them and steal it while they were distracted, but this situation seemed hopeless. At this point I was ready to let them go despite my desire to win. Welby began walking past Jimmy, and as soon as his back was turned, Jimmy took the opportunity and stabbed him then ran away like a coward. I was so shocked. Were we really doing this!?

Welby then attacked Nammith who put his hands up and said he didn’t want to fight. Nammith began backing up. But before I could cast a spell to calm the situation, they attacked Lilith. After that, all hell broke loose as Nammith went into a rage and I took a fireball to the face. This was bad. It seemed as though it was us or them. All I could hope is that Celia would stay out of it, which she managed to do for the most part. I was so busy trying to keep my party alive that I didn’t have time to catch her eye, which was perfectly fine with me. Even participating in the fight felt like a personal betrayal of her.

The fight raged on with a flurry of strikes, spells, flames and fists. I was healing as fast as I could, but Lilith and Gheleon still went unconscious a couple times. After what seemed like hours but was more likely minutes or seconds, it appeared as if we had won. Most of their party was unconscious, and Welby was bleeding out on the ground, when their wizard blasted off a final fireball, catching Welby in the flames and snuffing out what was left of his life. A haunting scream came from behind his body, echoing around the cave, Celia was wide-eyed and tearful at the sight of her fallen friend. I turned away. I couldn’t look at her. This felt like my fault, and he was clearly beyond just regular healing.

My team quickly finished off the wizard and were about to deliver a final blow to Arc, when Celia came out of hiding and begged us to stop. I was already preparing a revivify spell and walking towards Welby’s body when she told me to stop. She said we could take Arc back to Maronae with the gem. She looked so scared and hurt. I tried to apologize, but the words got stuck in my throat. The only thing I could think to do was help her revive Welby and heal her friends. I told everyone to go on ahead. They tried to protest, but I stood my ground. I had to help her. I had to make up for what we had done.

After everyone left I sat down across from Celia as she knelt over Welby’s body. I knew she was out of spells and that it would take her a day to do what I could easily have done in an hour.  I offered to revive him once more but she quickly shushed me and refused the help, “I can help my own friends…”she said quietly. Tears of regret poured down my face as I begged her to let me help him.

“Anwen…”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Welby about this, ok?” She reached into her pocket and pulled out the blue gem.

“How did you- we saw Arc swallow it…”

“Arc swallowed a rock.” she said matter-of-factly, placing the small, glowing gem on Welby’s chest.

“Why…”

“Anwen...Do you think that man deserves to win after stabbing him in the back? I don’t think so…”

“I-I’m not going to make excuses for him...I...He wanted to win so badly and I did too. I didn’t want this to happen. I’m so sorry…”

“You only tried to help. You didn’t attack, you didn’t stab anyone in the back. I know you can make the right decision.”

I didn’t want this. Why had I stayed? I could have left and she could have taken it back to Maronae with her friends and I wouldn’t have been faced with this. The prize was right in front of me, but at what cost? My greed told me to take it. Afterall, I’d worked so hard to get here. My pride told me to leave it. I have an image to maintain of being benevolent and kind. No kind person would take it after what just took place.

“Celia I’m so sorry…” was all I could say as I stared at the gem on Welby’s still, silent chest. We sat there in silence for a while. I couldn’t turn away, and before I could change my mind I picked up the gem and stood up in one swift motion. “I’m sorry…” I offered to help revive Welby once more, which she again declined. I couldn’t meet her eyes as I turned away and walked out of the cave. I pushed all thoughts of her aside and focused on catching up to the group.

My regret quickly turned to anger when I finally caught up with the group as I saw the smug look on Jimmy’s face. It made me sick. This was all his fault and he didn’t seem to care a bit. But I had the gem and I did want to win. We had come this far...So I pulled him aside and shoved the gem into his hand without a word and walked away. I had many things I wished to say to him, but I didn’t want to make a scene.

Neverember was made King, but I felt so numb I barely cared that we had won. I wanted to forget everything that happened that day, so I went straight to the bar after the proceedings. Nammith joined me. He looked as upset as I was. We didn’t talk much as we slammed drink after drink. I don’t even know how many I had, but we showed up to the celebratory feast wasted and continued to drink there. The rest of the evening was a blur, but I will never forget the cold, unforgiving stares we received from the other questing parties as we sat up there next to our new King. I don’t blame them at all. We deserved to be hated.

[rahkshirock]

thoughts on my warlock (5e)

in the 5th edition dnd game I play in, I’m playing as Morthos Hymn, Tiefling celestial warlock. I’ve been thinking about which direction I want to go with the character for a while, so I figure ill write down my thoughts now that hes about to reach level 3:

background-wise he’s a glasya tiefling, letting him use disguise self, invisibility, and minor illusion, while boosting dex. he has proficiency in stealth, intimidation and persuasion, and his noteable stats are +4 charisma and dex, +2 con, and -2 wisdom (hes young and nearsighted, don't worry about it)

from there, unlike most spellcasters, Mort will only have 2 spell slots until level 11 because he is a warlock. therefore, sustained damage from spells isn't an option.

most warlocks take eldritch blast, a d10 that they can add their charisma modifier to at lvl 2 with an invocation, making it equivalent to a ranged glaive with force damage. this is really good, especially since at level 5 it fires 2 blasts, and at level 17 it fires 4 every turn. coupled with hex, a single target spell that deals d6 damage every time you hit it, this is some of the best consistent damage available to a spellcaster.

I don't want to do that though, so im going to pass (also theres nothing stopping me from picking it up again later, so its not a big deal at all)

so now lets look at my subclass, which unlocks at lvl 1.

celestial warlocks get light and sacred flame, which have already come in handy because we have a variant human and an aarakocra and they like to see

in addition, I get a pool of d6s that I can use to heal as a bonus action. this is not a “top you off” heal in early levels though since I only have 3 of them at 2nd level. instead, I’m using them to pick up fallen teammates. in addition, this doesn't count as a spell, so I can heal silently, with my hands full after casting a spell as my action. this is the main draw of the subclass.

later on, I will gain the ability to add my cha mod to my fire or radiant damage rolls, and gain temp hp for me AND MY ALLIES every short or long rest. at level 10 when I gain that feature it will be 15 extra hp for me, and 7 for my buddies every single rest, which is pretty massive.

the last benefit though, is that at later levels when I drop to 0 hp, I immediately stand up, heal for half my hp, and blind everything within 20 feet with no save. this is why I chose bladelock over everything else. I want to get IN amongst enemies, healing, exploding, and smiting. more on smiting in a bit.

firstly, hex is a warlock- only spell that is very good, but not before level 5. don't pick it up early: it is 1d6 per turn max with concentration, and you  only have two spell slots. the use of hex comes in at later levels when you can attack tons of times per turn and when its duration is so long it lasts through short rests, letting you keep one hex all day long. I made a small mistake picking it early, and I’m going to replace it going foreward. I might think about getting it later on.

so, what invocations and spells should I pick, with all of that in mind? here we go:

at level 1, I pick 2 spells, and I pick one new spell per level afterwards

now, I have an extended spell list from my patron, which lets me choose from 2 additional spells: at level 1 I can get cure wounds and guiding bolt. and yeah, those are he 2 i’d recommend at level 1.

cure wounds is fairly basic, and you do already have a healing option, but consider: SHORT REST HEALS. every hour, you can cast 2 cure wounds, at 1d8+4 each. that’s huge at early levels, and if you can rest for a couple hours between encounters, your teammates might not need to use their hit dice at all.

meanwhile, guiding bolt is a nuke spell that does 4d6 in one turn if it hits. the first attack I made with Mort was a crit guiding bolt, and he did 32 damage at level 1. plus, if the monster doesn’t die, your allies get advantage to hit it, which lets you support a bit.

other level 1 spells to consider are expeditious retreat and hellish rebuke, (which I’d pick next level) which let you escape quickly and punish attacks against you, respectively.

as for invocations, the choices I make are a bit easier since I’m playing bladelock, which will use invocations for most of its functionality. early game though, I would pick up repelling blast for utility, and fiendish vigor for extra hitpoints. (you can totally pick up agonizing blast here, I just don’t want to.)

past this point is just planning, I haven't played mort past level 2.

level 3 is where I choose my pact, and its going to be blade.

to serve this, I’m going to switch out the invocation that doesn’t get me temp hp for Improved Pact Weapon, which a. is a +1, b. lets me use a bow as my weapon, and c. lets me use it as an arcane focus, completely freeing up my hands to hold a torch or 2-hand my blade. 

I have +4 dex, which limits me to finesse and ranged weapons, but bows, rapiers, and scimitars cover basically all I need.

for my spell, I want to pick up flaming sphere, which will let me move it as a bonus action while I attack or heal with my action, plus it will let me zone enemies away as I see fit. its a great spell that is given to the celestial warlock alone, and for now is far better than hex.

here’s where the celestial warlock really comes online: for my action I can shoot an enemy with my + 1 bow, hit them with my +1 rapier, make them do a dex save to avoid sacred flame, or use a spell slot to blast them with guiding bolt. or use cure wounds to help an ally. for my bonus action, I can use healing light to heal, even on a turn when I cast a spell, or I can hit an enemy with my flaming sphere, which is guaranteed to do at least a little damage since it’s a dex save, or if I have a dagger, attack as a bonus action after using a light weapon attack for my action. AND if an enemy hits me, I can expend a spell slot to do a hellish rebuke, for at least a little damage. this is a wide range of very hard hitting options!

other 2nd level spells I want to get are mirror image, because my ac is not great, lesser restoration, again from the extended spells list, and misty step, which is a teleport. I’d be willing to give up hellish rebuke to get two of those options, since we’ve got guiding bolt to do more damage. (or the other way around really. a dex save on reaction is very nice)

skipping ahead, 5th level is REALLY why I picked bladelock: you become a skinny full-caster paladin. two invocations unlock for bladepact: thirsting blade and eldritch smite. I want both of these. drop the temp hp, and you are now a viable melee caster: thirsting blade gives 2 attacks with your pact weapon, which is pretty mandatory. BUT eldritch smite is the real kicker. you get to use a spell slot to knock an enemy prone and deal 3d8 damage, AFTER you hit. it explicitly states that when you hit, you can then declare the smite, meaning you can save this for when you get a critical.

but the thing that makes it fantastic? YOU CAN SMITE WITH A BOW

so! I’ll have a +1 d8 bow, +4 dex, 2 attacks per turn, and if I hit I can add 3d8 and knock them down, and if I crit that doubles. that's SO GOOD

and I can still use my bonus action whenever! I can use healing light, I can use my flaming sphere, anything!

but! that's 3/3 invocations, which makes it balanced compared to other warlocks.

from here, at level 6 I get bonuses to my fire and radiant spells, and all of my spells (and my smite) will become 5th level spells all the time. at 5th level I can learn revivify, which is insane, in addition to fly, major image, thunderstep or whatever else.

at level 4 it gets better: shadow of moil makes me obscured to the enemy. this is NOT magical darkness, so blindsense rogues or monsters still roll at disadvantage. more importantly, I have ADVANTAGE on every single attack I make, giving me more chances to crit. plus bright light around me becomes dim, giving enemies disadvantage on perception checks against my stealth, and dim light turns into non-magical darkness, which I can see through since I’m a tiefling.

I can also get dimension door, sickening radiance, wall of fire or guardian of faith, all extremely good options.

at level 12 I can add my charisma to my attack rolls with the thirsting blade invocation, and I learn 5th level spells at 9.

at this point I start getting higher level spells as Mystic Arcanum, which I can cast once per day:

6th I want to get either investiture of air for the flight or soul cage for the coolness factor,

7th I have to go with crown of stars, which is a non-concentration spell which lets me have 6 2d10 motes of light that I can attack with as a bonus action, and that I can buff with my class feature for +5

8th I’ll probably go maddening darkness or dominate monster,

and 9th level I pick up foresight, which grants a person advantage on every roll for 8 hours with no concentration.

I am so excited for Mort’s future, It’s so bright and he is going to make so many great friends : )

[secretadventuresociety]

Episode 28 Recap

Hail and well met, SASholes!! I’m Bren, resident SAStorian and your favorite Dungeons and Dragons fangirl. Welcome to Episode 28: In The Shadows.

Ding, Dong, the Dick is Dead

We pick back up with Kess and Pearce standing inside the bedroom of the now dead Xarus. An awkward silence tugs between our two heroes before Pearce raises his hand to Kess in the request of the highest of fives. She leaves the boy hanging (bad form, Kessandria…) and attempts to discern how long her ex-fiance has been deceased. Be it nerves, shock, or pleasure-- neither she nor Pearce can pinpoint an estimated time of death. However, Kess still begs Sienna to hand over her diamond ring, which she eventually does once the changeling reveals her plans. Kess takes the engagement jewel and casts Revivify. The gem shatters, covering a still-lifeless bag of di-- well. Too soon to speak ill of the dead? A moment passes, and no change. It has been more than the sixty seconds required to bring a soul back with this low-level incantation.

Pearce pulls Sienna aside and summons his best Poirot-- interrogating her despite her (seemingly-- we trust no one!) fragile state. She admits that she was deep in sleep until Xarus began ‘trembling’, which she later clarifies as something adjacent to choking. The writhing shook her awake, just in time for her to witness her fiance leaping off the bed and collapsing almost immediately. Being unable to recall any other details, the (SEEMINGLY) broken widow asks for her ring to be returned, not questioning its ruined state. She then promptly exits the room to hurk the awkward dinner party’s contents onto the hallway tile. Kess looks after her, consumed with guilt for being unable to bring back the son of a bi-- still too soon? You guys are no fun.

Pearce listens as Kess repeats how Xarus wasn’t acting like himself-- but as she finishes, he attempts to reassure her that he deserved it, and that he was probably a bastard his whole life. Which-- frankly-- I agree with the gunslinger here. This snaps Kess out of her spiral long enough that she casts Detect Magic and roams the bedroom. The most ominous thing that stands out is a lockbox under the bed. Pearce, after noting that Xarus’ side of the bed is still warm, takes off to the bedroom he claimed with Kü to grab his lockpicking tools. He checks in on the kobold, who (in Pearce’s own words) is resting like a ‘horrifying little angel’ as Kü ferociously tears into some dream animal or another in his sleep.

Honey, I Traumatized the Kids

As Pearce meets back up with Kess at the scene of the crime, he notices the whole fam damnily is in the threshold. He pushes past, handing off his thievery set, and watches as Kess masterfully opens the glowing (possibly enchanted?? We have no idea!) box to reveal…. PAPERWORK! While every accountant is realigning the pearls that they’ve clutched-- let me tell you the most important thing in this mound of dead trees: the deed to the Shadowmore estate. The druid then spots a bottle of wine on the nightstand on Xarus’ side of the bed, which she is easily able to tell has not been tampered with in any way. Satisfied with her search (for now!), Kess walks out of the room to greet her mother-- who steps closer to her with a noticeable limp. S U S. Norse goes into mom gear before her daughter can question the ailment; demanding a magistrate be summoned and all incriminating evidence be hidden on the family wing of the house.

As Kess moves to carry out the latter of her mother’s checklist, she grabs her mother by the elbow and asks her what happened in hushed tones. The matron changeling tries to lie at first, stating that she fell down the stairs on the way down to Xarus’ bedchambers. Kess, however, sees through this lie and presses her… almost immediately wishing she hadn’t. Her mother seethes through her clenched teeth that she and her husband were very relieved to have her back home, so they were taking advantage of their alone time. You know. Naked. Thankfully, Pearce pulls Kess out of the embarrassment bubble to be able to speak with her alone as they walk up to the fourth floor and start to hide criminal paraphernalia. 

The two discuss possible culprits-- their minds going towards the supernatural. Pearce wonders about Mother and her growing presence as Kess frets about Ashe and his love of flame. Zev, having yoinked the wine from Xarus’ room, gulps it in a chill silence until the pair notice he’s there. A thread connects in Kess’ mind, and she asks her brother how long Rook had been making potions. Ever helpful, Zev shrugs and assumes about a year, then excuses himself to retire to his room. Having finished their task, Pearce and Kess decide they should do the same, probably a fantastic idea since neither of them got a long rest. For safety’s sake-- they make their way to the room where Kü is still sleeping soundly so that the whole party can be together.

That’s it, You’re all Going to Therapy

For some reason, our gunslinger decides it’s a fantastic idea to reach out and touch Kü’s faith; though the moment his finger grazes Mother’s skull, Kü awakens with a start. He mumbles in confusion about the dream he had just woken up from, then notices the darkness still blanketing the windows and asks to sleep until morning. Kess and Pearce take no time at all to wait for the kobold to get back into his REM cycle-- talking conversationally about Xarus and his fate. Kü overhears this and asks Kess which of her brothers died, not recognizing her ex-arranged-beau by name. Finally, Kü discerns that she means the ‘dickbag’ (SEE I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT) and promptly is uninterested. Kess asks Kü if Mother has ever come out in his sleep— he craftily avoids telling the whole truth by just admitting she is doing things she never has before. In the midst of his friends, who worry Mother may punish him for speaking out of turn, the kobold shrugs the interaction off as a dream and nods back off.

Having been newly spooked, Kess and Pearce delay their plans to rest and try to kill a little time (woof, that may be an unfortunate turn of phrase here) waiting for the magistrate. They go downstairs on a search for Pearce’s clean travelling clothes and a midnight snack. As the gunslinger dresses, Kess stares at his stained mask. She asks why there’s red marring the fabric, and he reveals that when he was first recruited into his band of bounty hunters that he attempted to make the much older members respect him by plastering the face covering with paint to simulate blood. Poor buddy. For obvious reasons, it didn’t work, but it still looks damn cool! We stan our emo king. Kess breaks off toward the kitchen and makes quite the shark coochie (if you know, you know) for the trio to share once Kü actually wakes up.

Pearce forgos any of the furniture as they make it back to the guest room, preferring to instead sleep on the floor to be alert in case of any danger. Hey-- hey buddy? Hey pal? Pearce, I hate to tell you this, but you gots some PTSD*! Our Trauma Boy (™, ™, ™,) hears footsteps with his ear resting to the floor and so is unable to really sleep. Kess builds a pillow fort around them all (while we’re diagnosing each other-- can we say arrested development?) and the overwhelming smell of raw meat (which Kess grabbed specifically for Kü) wakes up our favorite tiny terror, who digs into the offering, refusing to look a gift meat in the mouth although he was pretty sure he dreamed having a conversation with his companions. He does, however, ask if someone is truly dead-- and once confirmation is given-- he turns to Pearce and asks him how he killed Xarus, causing both indignation and amusement.

Sleeping Together

Kü tells Pearce that he would have lost a bet had he made one on who killed Xarus-- and Kess Dramatic Hamsters her gaze towards the gunslinger, having been reminded of how much money he lost her in the Underfrost. Pearce angrily replies that he left her money, but when Kess’ stare turns from intense to confused, he describes the note and the door he slipped it under. Kess recognizes the details as her parents’ room, and Pearce flies into a panic, sure that Arthur and Norse will see it and believe he is bribing them to keep quiet about his (nonexistent) part in Xarus’ murder. And what do we do when we’re upset, boys and girls? We take a Stress Nap (™, ™, ™,)! 

Our bleeding heart kobold agrees to watch over his sleeping friends, and leaves Kess and Pearce safely in their pillow fort-- closing the guest room door and pacing back and forth in front of it. Energy unwavering even after two and a half hours, Kü keeps up his post even as Norse makes her way to him, looking for the dosing duo. Kü takes special care to let her know that her daughter and Pearce are in the bedroom sleeping together-- and that he heard strange sounds coming from inside. After asking her if he should check on them, Norse awkwardly murmurs that someone is asking to speak with the three of them as soon as possible. Kü interprets ‘ASAP’ as ‘As Soon As Pearceandkesswakeup’, so the three of them descend downstairs after their long rest is completed. 

They notice the mansion staff hanging around, and enter Xarus’ chambers to see a tabaxi woman smoking a pipe standing inside. Kess immediately recognizes her as Mardosta’s local private detective and fellow Xarus-hater; Brienne. Now, I really hate to say ACAB to this probably lovely catperson; but ma’am, do we really think smoking WHERE SOMEONE WAS MURDERED IS A GOOD IDEA? Ever hear of crime scene tampering??!! Where’s David Caruso when you need him?! ANYWAY. Brienne asks for a good place to interrogate the trio, and Kü offers up Kess’ greenhouse. As the changeling leads the group there-- she outlines the rules for her safe space which basically boils down to NO TOUCHY.

Who Needs Natural 1s With Brains Like These by Fall Out Boy

Pearce pushes Kü to go first, and so the kobold grabs a turkey leg for a snack and heads in with the detective. Brienne asks about Kess and Pearce-- wondering what their relation to each other is and their feelings toward Xarus. Kü explains they’ve been travelling together for ‘some amount of time’ and that Kess was mad about Xarus being in her house, but also sad for the same reason. He then moves on to Pearce, saying that the gunslinger absolutely hated him. This, of course, attracts the tabaxi’s attention-- she asks if Kü believes his friend to be violent. Kü emphatically asserts that he is the most violent man he has ever met. Brienne takes thorough notes and Kü continues through the dinner, the Underfrost, and his brutal ass-kicking that led to him going to bed almost instantly once they returned to the mansion; but he does admit that he heard Kess and Pearce talking in hushed voices about someone being dead while he was in between sleep and waking.

The detective trades Kü out for Pearce once the kobold starts to question her about the animosity between her and the deceased-- primarily asking where she was at the supposed time of his expiration. She humors him, stating that she was at home-- passed out after her own nighttime festivities. Kü leaves the room, but not before hearing Mother congratulate him for keeping the tabaxi from suspecting anything. When Pearce enters the greenhouse, Brienne reveals Kü’s accusations about his character and asks if he had any ill will toward Xarus. Pearce, having no reason to lie, lets her know he absolutely did. This brings the tabaxi to ask him outright if he killed Xarus, to which he assured her he didn’t; no matter how much he may have hated him. Brienne is curious as to why the gunslinger hated someone he just met-- and Pearce explains that Xarus treated him and his friends like shit, and he absolutely would have retaliated had the asshole tried something in order to protect them. Brienne jots more notes down as she goes through Kü’s account; adding in Pearce’s own details (the scream, the candle blowing out), and expresses curiosity regarding the kobold’s helmet and disposition.

Pearce does admit that he would describe Kü as ‘feral’, but that he was in no state to hurt anyone or anything that night. Oh, and that YES, the skull on his head is VERY real. In return for these candid answers, Pearce asks why Brienne couldn’t stand the now dead dickbag-- and she tells him his family made their fortune collecting and selling tabaxi fur, and says she wasn’t always known as Brienne; a change that Xarus refused to acknowledge. Pearce then sends Kess in, who again recounts the night’s events-- adding that Sienna (the S E E M I N G L Y upset fiance) looked disgusted with her husband-to-be, feigns ignorance as to why Xarus would have set up residence in her home, and leaves the detective speechless as she divulges that she attempted to bring her ex back to life. Before leaving Brienne to her thoughts, Kess makes sure to impress on her how her friends may seem rough around the edges, but they have good hearts. CUE THE TEARS AND CONTINUE THE INTRIGUE!

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TL;DR

Have you connected any dots yet? Please let me know who you think the killer is because I’ve got nothing.

Reminder to never dig into your parents’ business…. or under their bed. Just trust me.

*Here is a link to the article describing the coping mechanisms of children affected by trauma (cough--PEARCE--cough): https://starr.org/2013/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-reactions/

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Come and drink the Külaid and catch the next session over at twitch.tv/lochness on August 11th at 7:30CST/8:30EST! AND if you’d like to watch THIS episode, you can find it at the link below:

https://youtu.be/tGhm_Qq0smw?t=1254…