#and then it feels remotely related to the topic i’ve been asked to speak on but like. not entirely there.

[cowboycunt]

who wants to give this lecture in place of me

[gentle-psi]

Today I watched an astrology prediction video for the geopolitics of 2025, a physics rant about the stagnation of theories of quantum gravity, and an entire BL anime about a 30 year old virgin with mind reading powers. None of these things are even remotely related, and somehow I feel you get a near complete image of the person I am just by knowing that information.

There’s a lot of interesting ways to get to know people, and I like just asking a stupid amount of annoying questions. Well, they seem to be annoying to people, I’d personally be thrilled if someone were to talk to me the way I talk to others. Either way, I’ve made peace with the idea of being annoying. If ‘annoying’ is the worst complaint you have about someone, they can’t really be that bad, I think.

I asked my friend, my dad and my mom ‘what is your favorite thing about your thought process and the way it feels to be you in your own head?’. My friend said that he likes that he can consider all sides of an issue, which I agree is an admirable quality. We somehow ended up talking about ghosts, which was also very interesting. This friend says he thinks people stay when they have unfinished business, and then listed examples illustrating when that might be. He listed nearly every cause of death besides old age, but I never pointed that out. Seems like an awful lot of unfinished business.

I’m not capable of knowing with certainty if ghosts are real - I lean towards no - but I think if they are, what qualifies as unfinished business may have a lot more to do with the quality of a person’s conscious experience at the time of death than any particular cause of death itself. I don’t think you can see a murder victim, and know just by that fact alone if they had found peace in their life or not. If I was murdered tomorrow, I don’t believe I would have unfinished business.

When I asked my dad that same question, about what it feels like to be you, he said his favorite thing was his ability to look at a problem and see dozens of potential solutions. That’s an unrelatable concept to me in a lot of ways. I wanted to vacuum spilled sugar off the counter last night. My dad said ‘do you know what sugar will do to a vacuum cleaner?’ And I laughed and agreed, but in truth, I still don’t know what would be so bad about it. I’m not sure why I didn’t ask him. Maybe I will.

My mom’s answer was a little hard to hear. She thought for a long while, and said ‘I’m too tired these days, I’m not sure I have thoughts anymore.’ My heart ached. I noticed she’s been out of it recently. Part of me thought I was the problem, but I checked my ego on that idea very quickly. I’m not that important. We talked more, and it doesn’t even sound like she knows what it is. Whatever it is, I really hope she starts to feel like herself again, or at least, just happy and less stressed, even if she feels different than she used to.

Circling back to the idea of ghosts, just because I’m thinking about it now, and wanna get it out of me. Stuff to do with life and death and reality and consciousness are so complicated and hard to capture with language. I always feel a little like I’m tripping over something, like I’m stumbling back to my bed in the dark after taking a midnight piss, groggy and walking into walls. Maybe the journey is passable, but it’s far from ideal or comprehensive. I’ll try to be articulate, who knows, maybe it’ll be easier to type it than to speak it.

I intuitively don’t believe we have any attachment to the human we were after we pass. This is not a physicalist and realist perspective, I’ve moved on from that years ago. The more I think about this, I think if sleep is the pause button, then death is ejecting the disk, and throwing it in a fire. A hard reset on subjectivity. But I believe we still exist.

I need to take a step back, this is such an expansive topic, and I’m leaving holes in it all over the place. I feel attached to the idea that, beneath the ego, under all the memories and formative experiences and dna, there’s something that’s fundamentally the same about everyone. I believe, above all else, that the one label that is truly applicable to everyone in exactly the same way, is that we are all Subjectivity itself, in the purest sense. Everything layered on top of that is what creates the experience of being an individual who’s different from other individuals.

I’m also swaying towards the idea that time itself doesn’t even exist without some form of conscious subjectivity to observe its passage. Think of sleep, when you aren’t dreaming, and then you wake up, it doesn’t feel as though you waited in bed for eight hours, it feels like time stopped existing entirely while you were unconscious. This leads me to believe that time is a lot more abstract and less linear, at least in relation to consciousness, than we often intuitively make it out to be.

I think maybe everything is happening all at once, but different subjective perspectives experience it at different points. The future to me is the past to a child born ten years from now, but whenever we are asked, both of us would agree that the current time, whatever it happens to be, is now. I think that’s important. Now is the only tangible thing we have, the past only exists as memories and traces, and the future is just an amorphous concept. Now is where all the things happen.

So, I think that maybe when we die, it’s because time isn’t actually linear at all, and the branch of subjectivity that was us has come to its natural ending point. Maybe, just how at some fuzzy point in my own past I went from being non-existent to having a subjective experience, that exact same thing will happen all over again, in a different body. Maybe I’ll be a young man in the year 3024, or my own great grandchild. Maybe I’ll be Socrates, or my mother. Maybe I’ll be a T Rex, or some species of crab that hasn’t evolved yet. More likely, all of them are true all at once.

My only question after that, the thing that stumps me, is if I really am just Subjectivity itself, why am I experiencing this precise life right now? The really stupid thing is, any instance of subjectivity could ask itself that question, and I guess maybe at the end of the day, the only real answer is ’someone had to do it’. Because wherever there’s life, Subjectivity makes a home. Always. That’s a comfort to me. Just as how nuclear fusion starts happening every time a star forms and the conditions are suitable, subjectivity fills every void that it is able to fit into.

This got a lot deeper than I originally intended. I was just gonna see if I could ramble my way to an interesting plot idea, but this is potentially the most autobiographical piece I’ve ever written. And I’m past the thousand word mark. That’s absurd to me, because I haven’t been able to get to the thousand word threshold without it feeling like a chore for the last couple of years. Maybe I’ve been writing the wrong things.

That leads me to wonder if anyone would ever want to read something like this. Not in the sense that I necessarily care to monetize it, but more that I’ve been creating into the void my entire life, and I would love for something that I make to resonate with someone. Even just one person. If a single human took the time to read all this, and resonated with it, and enjoyed it, that would be deeply meaningful to me.

In all honesty, I’m not much of a reader. It has to be a very specific kind of content to hold my attention, and I struggle to think that whatever I’m doing here would ever be anyone’s cup of tea. Mind you, there’s a market for biographies, I guess. Is that what this is?

I’ve given up on creating anything that will ever reach an audience. That isn’t to say I’ve stopped drawing or writing, but I’ve stopped hoping for or expecting any engagement when I share it, and my art has made its home mostly on the walls of my bedroom. Think if Francesco Goya was a 24 year old woman with access to an inkjet printer. It’s wild in here.

I think maybe I’m done writing this, whatever it is. I think maybe I will share it somewhere. Or maybe, it will live in this liminal void forever. If by some odd chance I did post this, and you saw it, and that little voice in your head is narrating these words to you right now, imagining a voice for me, just know I appreciate that the void I’ll inevitably feel I’ve thrown this into has found some company. I hope your life is full of wonderful things.

[marvelfansince08love]

Hey Neighbour! - Part 8

Word Count: 3k

Pairing: Ally Mayfair-Richards x Reader 

Warning: uhh some implications of sex 

A/N: Hi, a big big sorry to you all on the late updates to this. I have no self control and have far too many WIP rn and keep forgetting to update this one as I’ve almost finished it! Happy reading! Apologise for any grammar/spelling mistakes x

Tags: @waitingfortheendtocome @natasha-danvers @creepingwolfberry @coconutlipss @saucy-sapphic @minavenable @pearplate @r0an0ke @mssallymckenna @grilledcheeseandguavajelly @venablemayfairgoode @chewbacca0805 @pluied-ete @supremeinlilac @nyx-aira @witchxaf @black--widxw @fireflyglass @cordeliafoxxe @d14n4ol @bluevelvetbitxh @amethyst-bitch @lezzzbehonesthere @msvenablezcane @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog @mooreashes @violentwavesofem0tion @cordeliass  @women-am-i-right @paulsonpills @goodeday2u @sm0ke-and-m1rr0rs @daisybri7

Hey Neighbour! - Part 8 

You had avoided the Mayfair-Richards home for the past five days unable to face the woman you had fallen in love with. Old wounds and insecurities had opened up causing you to retreat from your neighbours, Amelia had also picked up on your change of mood which caused the guilt to amplify. The two young children still saw each other at school leading Amelia to mention how Oz had told her how sad his mother looked whenever she did the dishes at night, to anyone else they would have been bewildered by the statement but for you it was like a stab to the heart. Ally had tried to call and text you to ask if you were okay, your short texts back and actively declining calls must have given her the hint that you didn’t want to be contacted because after the first three days she stopped trying. You hated yourself for doing this to her but you couldn’t help but fall back into the familiar withdrawal habit whenever you felt this way, no matter who you hurt in the process. 

“Mama, I’m finished!” Amelia announces, smiling proudly at her empty plate. You’re startled out of your thoughts as you look towards her matching her wide smile with a forced one. Your brother sits next to her as his eyes stay fixated on your form, concern evident within his gaze. 

“Well done, Amelia-cakes! Why don’t you go wash your hands and brush your teeth for bed,” you instruct softly, watching as she nods and dashes out of the room. You quickly make eye contact with him as you lean forward keeping your voice low so to not alert Amelia of the intense situation..

“I wish you would stop looking at me like that,” you whisper harshly, he only shakes his head mutely before responding. 

“I just don’t understand why you’re making yourself and her miserable, you clearly like each other a lot. Don’t ruin this just because you’re allowing your negative thoughts to take over,” his voice soft and gentle causing you to falter, expecting a harsher response. Sighing you relax back before taking a sip from the wine glass. 

“Will you please help Amelia upstairs while I clean up here?” you ask instead, attempting to avoid the current topic of conversation. He sighs in defeat before dutifully leaving the room to find his niece. 

You stand from your chair and collect the empty plates before moving towards the sink, as you begin to clean the dishes you notice a slightly dimmed light across the way causing you to tense, slowly you look up from your task and towards the light. Ally stands at her kitchen counter, even from here you can see how tired she looks causing that familiar guilt to creep up into your chest once more. She looks down for a few moments before placing a large piece of paper into the window, words written in black ink for you to read. 

‘I think we need to talk’ The words cause you to gulp as you nod back before searching for some spare paper to write back on. 

‘Garden in ten?’ you try to smile hoping to ease the situation but falter when she doesn’t return it and only nods back in acknowledgment. 

Wiping your hands on a dry towel you hurriedly move upstairs to inform your brother of your plan, he reassures you that he’ll be fine with Amelia while you go to talk to Ally giving you an encouraging smile before shoving you back towards the staircase. Grabbing your thick jacket and shoes you make your way towards the front of Ally’s home, waiting patiently for her to let you in. Your breath catches in your throat as you take her in, the urge to reach out and hold her becoming stronger with each passing second, brown tired eyes scan your face before silently standing to the side allowing you to move in. You head straight for the kitchen and into the garden area sitting down in your usual spot, you wait for her to join you. A hot cocoa mug appears in front of your view causing you to smile sadly as you take it from her hands muttering a quick ‘thank you’. It’s quiet and dark out except for the porch light that glows above you, both sitting quietly as you take a sip of the hot drink.

“Ally I-” 

“Why weren’t you honest with me? If there was something wrong you should have told me instead of practically falling off the face of the earth,” her statement catches you off guard, causing you to falter as you stare at the mug in your hand. 

“After she left me and Amelia I was struggling for a while, I couldn’t cope with working and looking after a baby full time but I had this beautiful girl to look out for so she became my top priority over everything, my job, my friends. It took me years before I could trust others outside of my family to take care of her. I’m not good at having these healthy relationships that are good for me and I am so sorry that I’ve treated you this way, you deserve better than this,” you mutter, tears gathering within your blurred vision.

“I understand how hard it can be to trust people, I mean you know about Ivy and how she betrayed me, betrayed Oz. I get why you got scared when things were looking serious, I’ve had my moments with that too but Y/N I’m not like her and you aren’t like Ivy.” She pauses, collecting her thoughts before continuing. 

“We are good people and I don’t think it was a coincidence that it was you who so happened to move in next door… that night after the fair apart from Oz I’ve never been so certain about anything in my life, I want to be with you and I want this to go somewhere but I need you to speak to me and be honest with me,” Ally tilts her head as if seeking your gaze before reaching across and grabbing your hand. 

“I’m so so sorry, Ally. I should have spoken to you about my worries, I’m not used to someone caring. I just looked at how comfortable we all were in your kitchen that morning, how domestic it all was and my god I couldn’t have fallen further for you but my mind was screaming at me that if I allowed Amelia to become closer to you and you decided to leave… I can’t have another person walk out on her.. On me,” you stutter over your words as you feel your throat tighten, holding back a sob. Ally moves from her seat and crouches in front of you placing your mug onto the table she takes both your hands into her own, squeezing them with reassurance. 

“I love you y/n. This week has been tortuous the amount of times I thought about walking over and forcing you to speak to me, but I knew you needed time to collect your thoughts. I may not have been obvious with it but I could tell something had spooked you that morning but please come and talk to me whenever you feel trapped into a corner, okay?” her dark brows arch, as she waits for your response. As you nod Ally reaches upwards and captures your salty lips with her own, her warm comforting hands cupping your face in place. 

Tears continue to fall between you both as Ally presses gentle kisses along your jaw and cheeks seeking out that comforting touch, you realise that you were wrong. Ally isn’t like the rest of them, she’s kind and caring but most of all she understands you in a way that no one else can relate to. You quickly capture her lips, a heated kiss needing to feel her close. 

“Is Oz upstairs?” 

“No, he’s staying at a friends house,” she mumbles, against your lips. Pulling back you look into her slightly glazed eyes and demand the thing you need most. 

“Take me to bed, Ally.” 

With that, Ally grabs your hand and leads you back inside the house. The moonlight glows throughout the room giving you a clear view of Ally’s face as you allow her to look after you, whispering soft reassurances against your exposed skin leaving trails of wet kisses along your body, closing your eyes you surrender yourself to this woman finally allowing yourself to be loved without restrictions. 

***

Bright light beams through into the bedroom causing you to stir and groan at the invasive light cuddling into the softness of Ally’s chest enjoying her warmth and secure form wrapped around you. Lips graze against your hair as the brunette whispers a ‘Good Morning’ causing you to smile as you watch her fingers brush over your forearm that has stayed wrapped around her waist all night. 

“Good Morning, Honey. Did you sleep well?” your fake-innocence doesn’t pass Ally as she chuckles deeply, her hand moving to tilt your chin upwards causing your lips to brush against her swollen ones. 

“Deliciously actually,” her hoarse voice, makes you shiver before you capture her lips once more enjoying the sounds that escape her throat. 

The sound of the front door opening downstairs and quick footsteps making their way upstairs causes you to part suddenly, blindly reaching for your scattered clothes recognizing those footsteps from anywhere. 

“Mom!!” Oz’s voice shouts from the hallway, causing you to quickly cover up and head for the en-suite bathroom needing to freshen up before the poor boy sees you. Ally’s eyes follow after your retreating form in light amusement as she tucks on the woolly jumper and ties the string around her joggers. 

“Mom I’m home! We had such a cool night! Jeremy bought over his new racing car you know the one with the remote it was awesome!” Oz’s excited voice trails into the room as he runs straight for Ally’s legs hugging her tightly, she places her hands on top of his crazy blonde curls and smiles.

“Well it certainly sounds like you had fun! So where is Sam’s mom? You didn’t just run from her car without saying thank you did you?” Ally’s tone makes you smile as you peak through the gap of the bathroom door always infatuated with her motherly side. Oz tries to hide his expression but with one raised eyebrow from Ally the boy slumps and sighs before nodding. 

“It’s okay Ally! He was just excited to see you! Oz I’ve left your bag by the door okay,” Sam’s mom shouts from the staircase before the sound of the front door closing reaches your ears. Taking this as your cue you leave the bathroom just as the sound of screeching reaches your ears, a small body colliding with your own making you stumble. 

“Woah! Hey Buddy!” you greet with a groan, laughing as you place you cup your hand around his jaw cradling him close. A sense of guilt lingering within your chest, the realisation what your actions could have done to the poor boy being the same fear you have for Amelia. 

“I’ve missed you,” he mumbles into your stomach, you crouch to be eye level with him and give him the biggest smile you could muster. 

“I’m sorry for not being around much, silly adults and silly work has been keeping me busy. I promise to make it up to you,” you murmur, watching as he nods accepting your apology before turning to leave to grab his backpack from downstairs. You stand from your position and fold your arms across your chest, that unsettling feeling still present, Ally steps towards you and places her hands onto your cheeks before kissing your lips. 

“Stop, I can practically hear the gears turning in that beautiful head of yours. Now let’s go downstairs. I want to see my girl.” Her words cause you to raise a question eyebrow as your lips twitch into a half grin. 

“Oh?”

Ally grins wickedly, before stepping towards the door. “I meant Amelia silly.”

With that she winks and takes her leave leaving you agape. 

“Well I know my place then,” you grumble playfully before running after the mischievous Senator. 

As if on cue the sound of the front door stops you both in your tracks midway down the stairs, Ally moves to answer the door and beams when she sees Amelia stood with her Uncle who has a very dirty grin on his face as his eyes move from Ally to you wiggling his brows as Ally crouches down and fronds over Amelia who seems to be enjoying the attention from her favourite person. 

“Uncle Rupert said you guys had a sleepover without me, Ms. Ally!” she exclaims, a small pout forming onto her lips and you bite your own to stop your laughter. From the shakes coming from Ally’s shoulder the woman seems to be doing the same. 

“Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry, I promise we can have soon okay? Just me and your mom needed to have a grown-up sleepover to talk.” 

“Yeah I bet you did,” Rupert mumbles, amusement evident within his tone. You glare at him from your position as Oz comes running from the living room area, he instantly goes to hug his friend as he drags her further into the house telling her all about his sleepover. Rupert waits by the door as Ally gives him a shy hello before following the two leaving you to talk privately to the smug man.

“Not a word,” you demand, making sure to punctuate every word, it only seems to make him grin further. He shrugs putting his hands up in surrender as he steps through the door meeting you at the bottom of the staircase. 

“So are we back on then? Oh and no need to thank me for looking after the devil's spawn last night, I swear she just knows what to do to make me crumble. I didn’t even know you still owned a Nintendo Wii,” he rants, as you both walk towards the kitchen where Ally sits with the two children all drinking from their respective mugs. Rupert goes to sit next to Amelia as he steals her mug to take a sip as she glares at him. You shake your head at the two before clashing eyes with Ally who winks over her mug gesturing you over which you gladly do. Stood behind her you wrap your arms around her shoulders and listen as they all converse amongst themselves enjoying these rare moments that you will hold dearly, smiling you kiss Ally’s temple before relaxing joining in on the conversation. 

Now relaxed you allow the past to stay at the back of your mind as you look forward to the future, a secret plan up your sleeve you allow the details to rail off within your head excited to show Ally just how much she means to you and how do you do that?

By going official, of course.

[nordic-language-love]

I’m the anon who sent the ask about Norskprøven, and thank you so much for the long and immensely helpful answer!

The tip about not throwing random words into a flashcard deck makes so much sense, for the past couple years I’ve just been haphazardly chucking new words into the Notes app and now almost none of them makes sense to me. Do you suppose it’d be worth going back to comb through all those jumbled words and looking up example sentences, or would I be better off just diving into new material and focusing on acquiring as much new stuff as possible?

The essay structure is super helpful as well, I’ll be sure to stick to it as best as I can! If you don’t mind me asking, how many practice essays did you have to write approximately before you started to feel remotely confident? I’m thinking setting a goal for myself (e.g. 1–3 essays a day) might help with efficiency since I’m otherwise super unorganised when it comes to this sort of thing.

And about the speaking section, I think I’ve read somewhere that you’re not supposed to stop talking until the examiner stops you. Do you reckon that’s true? And if so, are there any strategies I can use for when I’ve honest to goodness run out of stuff to say?

Again, thanks very much and sorry for the new barrage of questions, you really are a godsend 😭😭😭

Hi again! Oh gosh you're so sweet, I just hope it all really does help!

In regards to vocab - personally I'd just start fresh. The words you'll need most will be common enough to crop up again anyway. Plus it's a lot more interesting imo than searching single words, finding a single sentence out of context containing that word and writing it in a deck. But if the week before the exam you feel really confident and like you need to boost your vocab further, then by all means go back through and find sample sentences.

Practice essays: difficult to say because by the time I started prepping for the Bergenstest I'd been writing essays on a semi-regular basis (1-2 a month) for a year or so. So I felt relatively okay with them after 2-3 timed/handwritten essays because I kinda knew I could do it to a reasonable standard (but I definitely should've done more). I'm sure if you can do 1 a day you'll feel quite confident by the day of the exam (if you can do 3 a day then even better, and I absolutely bow to your drive!)

Speaking: I do generally agree with this advice, so here's a couple of tips that helped me (påstanden jeg måtte snakke om var «Friluftsaktiviteter i Norge er altfor dyrt», som var nesten umulig for meg siden jeg aldri har bodd eller brukt penger på friluftsaktiviteter i Norge): remember that you're being marked on your language use, NOT your factual knowledge of a topic or your opinion. So say ANYTHING related to the topic. Talk about something you heard on the radio one time. Talk about something your friend said. Talk about things people DON'T say (one point I made on my Bergenstest task was: well I don't see anyone complaining that it's too expensive in the news, and none of my Norwegian friends really complain about it either, so I guess it can't be that bad). Compare the situation in Norway with the situation in your home country, or another country you know a lot about. You can also say shit like "wow dette er faktisk ganske tøft, jeg har aldri tenkt på dette temaet så grundig før, jeg er sikker på at det er mange som har mer erfaring enn meg og andre meninger, og det er skikkelig interessant å diskutere det, nå har jeg lyst til å lese litt mer om det etter denne prøven er ferdig", blah blah blah just to give you time to come up with something else to say/drag things out when you've clearly finished.

THAT BEING SAID... I had a look at the tasks for Norskprøven, and in regards to task one: I'm not sure whether it's necessary to keep blathering if you're finished. You're giving a summary of a text, which means any extra details (your opinion, your outside knowledge of the topic etc) could actually drag your grade down! So I think this is the one case where I would just confidently finish with a little conclusion (and then a super awkward "ooooog det var det jeg hadde".) But for tasks 2 and 3 where they ask for your opinion, I'd absolutely just talk about any old shit that you can link back to the question (although of course in task 2 you have to sum up the opinions presented in the articles. In this case I'd again give a summary first and then present my own opinion separately afterwards).

Sorry for another super long answer! I hope it's helpful. Feel free to hit me with more questions if you have any!

[interstellarrambles]

I have a request with Pete, where in a interview with the Charlamagne the god he asked Pete about dating someone, I was wondering for the request when he’s asked if he’s seeing someone? Pete says that’s he’s seeing someone but they’re not famous, they’re just a normal human being, and he’s being quiet about his relationship with this person because he doesn’t want it the paparazzi spilling everything out of portion and loves how it’s been quiet and fun??

pete davidson x female!reader

warnings: uh maybe some implied smut

a/n: I'm so grateful you all enjoyed my pete davidson content, I seriously couldn't be happier with the reactions so keep sending in requests!

privacy. pd

to say Pete hadn't had his fair share of relationships would be a lie, but this time, there was something significantly different. even though his heart fluttered whenever he heard your name or was even remotely reminded of you, he had tried so desperately to keep your relationship private considering the effects fame had had on his previous loves.

twisting and turning, his nerves were building just waiting for Charlamagne to ask about relationships: everyone always wanted to know about his girlfriends before him. so far in the interview, Charlamagne had steered the topic back onto Pete himself and his own endeavours before anything else, but he knew it was coming soon.

the past year had been a double edged sword: Pete had been able to move on somewhat from the paparazzi hounding him about Ariana but they still camped outside his house, putting him and you on edge. now, pete was in no way ashamed of your relationship (quite the opposite really) and he would often have to bite his lip to keep the secrets within, but you had both decided it would both simpler and safer in the long run to be as private as possible. it was never really difficult either since you lived a somewhat normal life outside of your relationship and Pete had already retracted from social media by the time he had met you.

slow paced to say the least, your relationship took a while to blossom from a friendship to something more, but Pete wouldn't have it any other way. somehow it felt more special to bring you flowers unexpectedly; to wait for you after your work to take you to your favourite takeaway; to wait a few months to kiss you properly and to wait even longer to sleep together.

intimacy in public was never really an option for you, but stolen almost voyeuristic moments sprinkled into dinners out and day trips made both of you giddy. hands slipped and smiles returned while your lips occupied themselves elsewhere, the risk of the encounters making everything so much more heightened.

it really did pay off and now your ability to communicate with each other even without words was unmatched. amazing him every time with your observational skills, you could tell when Pete needed respite from work or the toll of his mental health and knew exactly how to take his mind off of it all.

in return, Pete had learnt how to tell when you were having a bad day and had taught himself with little help from you, how to make it a million times better.

therefore, when Pete saw Charlamange physically hesitate before letting a question roll off his tongue, he knew exactly what was coming. adorning his skin with the dates you became official, as well as with your initials, the tattoos he had relating to you quickly gathered press attention. they werent particularly large or eye-catching in any way, but when paired with pap videos of him in restaurants around NY with a random girl, he was quickly hounded by media outlets desperate for the details.

"so, having spoken about your past and the past lovers you've had, is it fair to say you're with someone now?" to be fair to him, Charlamagne was extremely polite and respectful when approaching the topic, but Pete still struggled with finding the right words to say.

nothing would ever do you justice, he was convinced. worshipping your body with sweet praises; reminding you of your importance to him; finding ways to constantly brighten your day: Pete did his best to be good enough for you and you'd love him forever for the way he treated you so well. therefore, when speaking about you in public for the first time ever, he wanted to make the words right.

taking a moment to smile nervously, he began slowly, "I am with someone yeah. she's just unbelievably amazing and I'll never stop falling for her, like damn I really can't catch a break around her," laughing with the host, Pete took another second to gather his thoughts.

"I've reflected on my past and learnt from it and that's why we decided to keep it private you-know. after all the shit that happened with me and Ariana, I learnt just how crazy the paparazzi can get. she's not in the spotlight at all, she's not a celebrity or anything like that so I guess it was easier, hence why you've not heard much about it," he explained it almost effortlessly as though he hadn't spent hours deliberating how to talk about this when asked.

sensing how Pete was somewhat inept at discussing this topic, Charlamange guided the topic elsewhere, feeling proud almost when he saw the other man slightly relax. persistent though, he couldn't quite get his mind off you, tripping over how much he'd already fallen in such a small time space.

and when he imagined you curled up, waiting at home after a long day at work, he couldn't imagine anything else he'd rather do than fall even harder.

[faelapis]

Why do you think so many people say thst She ra it's what Steven universe should have been? They have very different narratives even though thry deal with similar topics, which onw you prefere and why?

well, like i’ve said before, i think she-ra is a very typical show in the sense that it hits the beats you’re expecting in emotion-driven action/melodrama, but with the Gays (tm)... and that’s kinda what a lot of people want. it’s marvel-esque with more feels. it’s not for me, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to tell a traditional story.

steven universe is much more experimental and, as i’ve said before, sublime. its world is much bigger, in the meta sense. it wants to “challenge” more than it wants to “satisfy”. it wants to showcase a sprawling world and the characters’ feelings within the given scenarios more than it wants to “solve” those feelings in a Moral Of The Story moment. it wants to leave you “hopeful and slightly unsettled” more than fully happy.

SU... kinda wants to break you. it ask you what you need to fix yourself more than it wants to do the work for you. it wants to destroy your heroes, not build them up as worthy of worship. it wants you to challenge your own assumptions like, all the time. it gives emotional gutpunches where you question your own morality and perspective, rather than sad moments where you feel bad because the good guys got hurt.

it’s also much more questioning of itself - here’s one character’s feelings about something, but how does it look from another perspective? what does it mean to be a good person in a world where people all think they’re doing what’s best? how can you help others without romanticizing yourself? how can you appreciate others in a healthy way without putting them on impossible pedestals? what are the consequences of demonizing others? why do you hate yourself? why do you love yourself? why do you want to live - for purpose or for pleasure? if it’s for purpose, is that ever healthy? can you live without it? does destroying yourself inherently bring about the destruction of others?

when i say she-ra is more traditional, it’s both in its structure (hero struggles, feels insecure, gains friends, learns to be strong, struggles in a more intense way, resolution, happy ending) and in its protagonist-morality world.

it’s not really something that challenges you. the worst people on top die, the younger and victimized baddies survive, the insecure protagonist saves the day with their friends. at no point is there a question of whether adora is capable of the same kind of cruelty as the bad guys, for instance - or, if not, why. it’s taken as a given that she’s good (if insecure), because morally speaking, it’s just not that interesting in asking questions. it mainly wants to give you the answers that make you feel comforted in your own insecure protagonist existence.

it’s also not really experimental or broad enough to make you sad about the potential of the world outside of the narrow protagonist lens we experienced, because only a handful of characters actually feel like people. everyone else and the whole conflict in she-ra are props to the ultimate climax, the emotional crux resting mainly on adora and catra. minor characters are very underdeveloped... which is pretty standard, they’re called minor for a reason. it’s not new or unique to spop.

whereas SU almost has overdeveloped minor characters, because they feel so much more real than what minor characters are usually allowed to be. that’s by intent, ie it evokes a perpetual sense of yearning to reach further than what we ever can... which everyone isn’t comfortable with. even though we see but glimpses of them, we see just enough within the sublime that we can tell they have a rich internal world of their own. they have issues. they don’t exist just in relation to the protagonist - rather, the protagonist is trying and to a certain extent doomed to fail to truly know every side of them.

that + all the main characters having a fuckton of character flaws, moral messiness and trauma that comes with the inherent implication of “this is something you need to work on your whole life, not just now” makes it more difficult to process than standard fantasy. especially when that’s below the surface, and there’s inherent uncertainty as to whether the current status quo is supposed to be good or not.

whereas when the acknowledgement of emotion is limited to the main characters, as it often is in spop, their issues can be “solved” in a way that implies happiness rather than continued growth... and that’s easier. it’s comforting for many. if you’re more on the side of wanting to validate than question yourself, then i’m not remotely surprised that some people prefer it.

i think there’s a certain “safety” within spop that you’re not gonna experience anything so harrowing as to not lead to your victory and validation. whereas with SU, those harrowing experiences are the whole point, and they don’t come with easy answers to cushion you. it often WANTS to upset and make you uncomfortable, asking why and whether it’s right. if spop is sold on protagonist happiness being what matters, SU does a lot to question the line between the personal and the systemic, and whether what makes a given protagonist happy is really what makes everyone happy.

short story: spop is more of a crowdpleaser in both morals and structure, whereas SU constantly questions - and asks YOU to question - why we have those structures and morals. if you ask who you’re supposed to root for in spop, the answer is pretty easy. it’s not always easy to answer in SU.

i predicted that some would want SU to be more like spop. but my thinking is the opposite - spop probably should exist, because safe stories should be more inclusive. but for my money’s worth, it’s also everything that i don’t want SU to be. i truly am grateful that something as weird, experimental and difficult as SU is allowed to exist... but i predict it’ll sit at a very lonely table. i think a lot of lgbt+ rep going forward is gonna be more like spop: safe in its storytelling, morality and structure, because networks and audiences alike are usually here for the crowdpleasers.

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥Drunken Mishaps🔥

A/N: Hey guys! So as just a fun little extra to my stories, I’m going to add a music recommendation at the top of each of my fics like this! I just like to listen to music while I write and thought I might as well share some of my favs! Feel free to ignore this if you want, it’s just for fun! (Side Note: the songs may or may not have anything to do with the topic of the fics. They are just going to be random songs I like. Some of them might relate but others might not).

🐉 Song Recommendation: “One Night in Bangkok” By: Murray Head 🐉

~~~

(Y/N) grumbled to herself as she drove to the bar down the street from her apartment building, her movements stiff with frustration. She had told him several times to drive himself to the bar with his friends, knowing he would get bored halfway through and want to come back home, but Hanji and Erwin had insisted on carpooling together, bringing her grumpy flatmate Levi with them. She would’ve gone with them, but she had a big test the next day she needed to study for. Hence her frustration at being pulled from her study session to pick up her sour roommate when all of this could’ve been solved by simply having him drive alone.

(Y/N) parked and wasted no time in entering the surprisingly well kept establishment, the only bar that was clean enough for Levi’s standards, fuming as she made her way up to her friends.

“Oh hey, (Y/N)! Finally decided to join the party, huh?” Hanji asked when she saw the angry girl, making (Y/N) pause.

“Hanji…, you were the one who called me to tell me that Levi wanted a ride home because his phone was dead and he was bored. If this was all some trick to get me to come here, I’m going to kill you.”

“Oh no, no, no, nothing like that, I know how busy you are,” Hanji said, waving her hands in front of her. “I was just happy to see you, that’s all.”

(Y/N) growled something under her breath that all three of her friends ignored and stalked over to them, her eyes flashing when she caught sight of Levi leaning against the bar, slumped over in his seat.

“This is why I told you to drive yourself,” (Y/N) said by way of greeting when she finally reached them, slapping the wooden surface of the bar with her palm to emphasize her frustration.

To her surprise, the normally observant raven-haired man snapped his head up in shock with a quiet yell, almost as if he hadn’t known she was there, despite her being two feet in front of him.

“Levi? Are you okay?”

The sudden dazzling smile that broke out across his face left a very bewildered (Y/N) reeling, his eyes softening when they focused on her.

“Hey, princess! I was wondering when you’d finally meet me here. I missed you.”

(Y/N) let out a squawk of surprise when Levi suddenly latched onto her arm and pulled her into him, nuzzling his face into her neck and breathing in her scent as if he had done this a thousand times. Her blush intensified tenfold when she heard him quietly mumble, “so warm…” into her skin. Turning to Hanji and Erwin, who were struggling to hide their laughter behind their hands, (Y/N) gritted her teeth and silently wondered why she put up with them sometimes.

“You guys seriously had to get him drunk?” (Y/N) hissed.

“Well yeah!” Hanji said in between barely suppressed giggles. “He needed to relax, you know how he is, always so pent up all the time. He needed some time to really unwind so we challenged him to a drinking contest. You know how good I am at holding my liquor.”

“You better not be driving, Hanji…,” (Y/N) mumbled, still glaring at her friends.

“Oh don’t worry, I didn’t drink tonight, I just wanted to watch the chaos unfold,” Erwin said with a wink, wrapping a large arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders. “I’ll make sure we both get home safe and sound.”

Hanji beamed at her boyfriend before turning back to (Y/N), her grin widening. “Besides, he was being stubborn and wouldn’t admit his feelings for you even though it’s super obvious he loves you. So we decided to…, loosen his tongue a little.”

(Y/N) blushed but shook her head. She knew Levi had absolutely no interest in her, they had nothing in common. She was a psychology major while he was aiming to become an accountant, the two of them only meeting in their shared statistics class in the second semester of freshman year. They were only roommates because they worked well together, having done several projects together for their shared classes that ended in success, eventually leading to a surprisingly sturdy friendship between the two. He was sarcastic and grumpy while she was sassy and cheerful. He was cold and isolated while she was warm and confident. She had always found him undeniably attractive, but she knew that he would never look at her in the same way. He had even told her himself once that his attractions leaned more into the quiet, anti-social type, the kind of girls who were cold and reserved like him so he wouldn’t have to think of pretty words to say.

“Hanji, that’s stupid.”

“But true!” her friend cooed in a singsong voice, smiling even more when Levi suddenly wrapped his arms around (Y/N)’s waist, holding her tightly against him with a happy sigh.

“I’ve got to be honest (Y/N), when Hanji first brought it up, I didn’t think much of it either, but look at how he is acting now. And he’s only done that with you so far. Even drunk, when Hanji tried to give him a hug, he pushed her off of him, grumbling about how she wasn’t the one he was waiting for,” Erwin said, chuckling at the uncharacteristic behavior of the normally reserved young man.

“Guys, he’s only doing this because we share an apartment. We’ve sat together to watch movies before, he’s let me lean on him when I’ve had a long day at work or in class and needed a break, he’s sat in my bed beside me when helping me study and vice versa. He’s only latching onto me like this because I’m the only person he can remember being even remotely close to physically.”

“Sure, whatever you say (Y/N),” Erwin said, huffing a laugh at the thunderous look (Y/N) threw him.

“(Y/N), you seem so tense, are you feeling okay? I bet I can make it better, if you let me…,” Levi’s words stole (Y/N)’s attention away from Hanji and Erwin again, her eyes widening at the sight of Levi leaning in to caress her neck with his lips, even letting his tongue dart out to swirl along her soft skin, forcing a squeak from (Y/N)’s lips.

“Umm, Levi? Why don’t we continue this at home? I’ll ummm, drive us back to the apartment and then we can hang out there, okay?” (Y/N) said in hopes that he’d buy it and let her go long enough for her to bundle him into her car.

“Ooooh! Gonna continue at home, (Y/N)? Shameless.”

(Y/N) flipped Hanji off then, her blush turning her entire face red as her friends laughed at her expense. Levi groaned in frustration but peeled himself away from (Y/N), allowing her to help him to his feet and leaning on her once he was finally up. Praying that he wouldn’t vomit all over her, (Y/N) kept her movements slow as she told her friends goodbye and helped Levi to her car, stuffing him in the passenger seat before getting behind the wheel and pulling away from the bar.

Thankfully, Levi was mostly quiet on the drive home, keeping his hands to himself and merely looking out the window at the buildings that passed, only speaking to occasionally point out a pretty light he saw, or a dog being walked as their owner took advantage of the cool evening air to be outside. (Y/N) couldn’t help but giggle at his drunk antics, her traitorous heart thumping loudly in her chest when he flashed her a smile in response. She had never seen him smile so many times in one night, and it was getting harder and harder to keep her composure when those normally rare smiles were directed at her.

Although he kept mostly to himself in the car, (Y/N) was once again thrown head first into shock and embarrassment as soon as she had helped Levi into their apartment building, her roommate immediately clinging to her like a lost puppy. 

“Mmmm, (Y/N),” Levi purred, rubbing his face into the space between her shoulder and  her neck, making it hard for her to focus on getting the door unlocked. Her face was rivalling that of molten lava as he groaned, his eyelashes tickling her neck when his eyes fluttered closed. “You’re so soft…”

(Y/N) finally got the door open and shoved him inside, quickly locking the door behind them. Once she was sure the deadbolt was secure, she went to turn around only to find Levi pressed against her again, his tongue once more coming out to flick along her throat down to her collarbones, making (Y/N) freeze at the feeling.

“Gods kitten, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for you,” Levi murmured in between licks and kisses.

“Levi, you were only out of the house for a few hours, we haven’t been away from each other that long.”

“That can’t be right,” Levi said with a shake of his head. “I’ve been waiting for you for years, not hours.”

Suddenly (Y/N) understood what he meant and felt the flames immediately rekindle in her cheeks. While part of her was overjoyed that he shared her affections, the other part of her knew it was too good to be true. He was drunk, he had no idea what he was talking about, he was just spewing bullshit, saying what the alcohol was telling him to say. Hell, for all she knew, he could be imagining she was a different woman entirely. He had yet to say her name, he could be thinking that she was someone else from one of his classes, and was using her to realize his fantasy since the star of his desires couldn’t be here.

“Levi, I don’t think you have the right person, you’re drunk and obviously not in the right state of mind, why don’t you just go to sleep so you can have a clear head in the morning?” (Y/N) said, trying to guide him to the couch.

“No, I know it’s you,” Levi said with a frown, leaning to drop another kiss on the dip between her collarbones, his lips lingering after he parted from her skin. “I’ve waited too long for this, I’d never mistaken you for anyone else. You’re the one I want.”

(Y/N) felt like squealing and crying at the same time but she swallowed both impulses.

“Levi, you’re dreaming. I’m not who you think I am, so stop kissing me. I’m the wrong person, and the last thing I want is to ruin our friendship because of some stupid drunk mishap!”

“No, I know you’re (Y/N). I could never forget you. I love you, there’s no way I’d ever not recognize you.”

(Y/N) breath hitched at his words, even when she had to suppress the smile that tried to appear on her lips when he gave a cute little hiccup after his impassioned speech. So he really was fantasizing about her. She wanted to leap on him and smother him with kisses but she held herself back. She knew better. Just as she had told her friends at the bar, this was all just some drunken whim spurred on by her close friendship and living situation with the young man, the alcohol taking advantage of his hazy memories to make her seem like some kind of long lost lover to him. She smiled as she thought about all of the teasing she was going to be able to do in the morning, even while her heart simultaneously broke at the thought of his disgusted face when he heard about kissing her when he was finally sober.

“Levi, you need to go to bed now. You’re going to need all the sleep you can get for when you have to deal with your hangover in the morning,” (Y/N) said. To her surprise, he stubbornly shook his head again.

“Not a chance. I finally get to have you after all this time. I’m not letting you leave this bed until you’re screaming my name.”

Gods, he was so far gone. (Y/N) opened her mouth to respond when all of a sudden, she felt his hips press into hers, her eyes widening almost comically when she felt his arousal nudge against her. Immediately, her entire face turned red, the color even creeping down to her neck and spreading out over her collarbones where Levi was still leaving small nip marks, soothing them over with his tongue before moving back up her throat.

“L-L-Levi!” (Y/N) squeaked.

His smirk against her skin made her spine tingle. “Now you’re starting to get the right idea.”

His words were followed by another hiccup, making (Y/N) snap out of it again. He’s drunk. He had no idea what he was saying and doing. As his roommate and friend, she knew he hadn’t had a lover in ages, at least not since he was dumped in his first semester of sophomore year. This was all just the result of the whiskey in his system combined with his pent up sexual frustrations, his body instinctively looking for an outlet. She just happened to be close by.

(Y/N) had to bite on her lip to keep from moaning as Levi dug his hips into hers again, his length pulsing a little through his pants as he ground against her, his panting moan sending her stomach into a state of butterflies. But this was wrong. Quickly pulling herself together, (Y/N) shoved aside her own needs and placed her hands on his chest just as he reached for her shirt.

“Levi, stop. You need to go to sleep.”

“(Y/N)? What are you-”

“Levi, it’s time to go to bed, come on.”

“(Y/N), wait! Please don’t leave me, I’m sorry if I was being too forward, I just want to show you how much I love you. If you aren’t ready-” He was interrupted by yet another hiccup. “If you’re not ready then we don’t have to take that step yet.”

(Y/N) felt the tears spring to her eyes, anger and sadness flooding her system. She knew he had no idea what he was doing, but she was starting to get tired of him toying with her feelings, even if it wasn’t on purpose. Gritting her teeth, (Y/N) ignored his protests and slapped his hands away, pushing him into his room.

Her heart clenched at the hurt look he gave her when she pushed his hands away but she ignored that too, pulling off his shirt, pants, and shoes, leaving him in his boxers, and tucked him into his bed. To her relief, his eyes finally started to flutter closed as she made sure the sheets were wrapped securely around his body. When she was finished getting him ready for bed, (Y/N) yawned and cast one last look at him before turning to leave, knowing her late night study session was already thrown out the window for the night, more than ready to just get to sleep.

His hand quickly grasping her wrist stopped her and she turned around to see a sad, lonely look on his face, one that made her want to kiss him until her lips turned blue.

“If you’re comfortable, will you stay with me tonight? E-Even if you don’t want me, I just want to h-hold you, even if it’s just for tonight.”

(Y/N) swallowed hard. She knew he was drunk but that clearly didn’t change how he was feeling at the moment, and it was clear he needed someone to be close to right now. Besides, he would have no right to be upset with her in the morning when he woke up to find her next to him, considering he was the one who asked her to stay.

Nodding her head, (Y/N) snatched one of his shirts and quickly changed in his adjourning bathroom, leaving her in just his shirt and her panties. She knew it wasn’t the most appropriate outfit at the moment, but she didn’t have the motivation to go back to her room to change. And again, he had asked her to stay with him, if he had a problem with her wearing comfy clothes to bed, then he could fuck off.

Slipping under the covers with him, (Y/N) had to force herself not to smile when Levi immediately clung to her, his arms looping around her neck and his leg throwing itself over her hip like he owned it as he buried his face in her chest, humming contentedly.

“Goodnight, Levi. You’re going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning,” (Y/N) said, leaning down to give him a quick, self-indulgent kiss on the forehead before settling down to sleep.

________________________________

Levi groaned in pain as the light from the window shone in his eyes, his pounding head doing nothing to help his already growing irritation. What had happened last night? He couldn’t remember anything, but something must’ve happened considering he felt like shit. He had an awful taste in his mouth and he felt like he was going to be sick. Lifting a hand to his face, he was massaging the bridge of his nose when a voice beside him made him freeze.

“Morning, Levi. Sleep well?”

“(Y/N)!!!” Levi cried out in shock, shooting up and scooting back to the edge of the bed in shock. “What the fuck are you doing in my bed!?”

“What? Don’t remember last night?” (Y/N) teased, her eyes flashing mischievously as she smiled.

“No! What the fuck did I do?” Levi asked, dread creeping into his belly as he scrambled to remember what had gone down the night before.

“Hmm, well, let’s see, first you went and got shit-faced with Erwin and Hanji, apparently it was some sort of drinking competition you and Hanji did. Then when Hanji called me to come get you, you kept nuzzling me and kissing my neck and calling me pet names. Finally, when we got back to the apartment, you kissed all over my neck and told me all about how I was finally going to be yours and you were going to make me scream your name. Oh! And you may or may not have, um…,  ground against me,” (Y/N) said, her smile only growing wider at the horror on his face. She loved to tease him sometimes, and this time, it was a good distraction from her aching heart.

Levi, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to have a giant black hole swallow him up, making him disappear. Or to have a truck run him over. Or to slit his own throat. He knew going out with Eyebrows and Shitty Glasses had been a bad idea, but he had never expected it to go this downhill. He felt like throwing up, and this time it wasn’t just from what he now knew was a hangover. He was absolutely mortified. He had loved (Y/N) pretty much since the day they had met, his small little crush on her developing into full blown desire until he was head over heels for her. He had been looking for a way to tell her, his sanity starting to fray that the seams the longer he waited, but this was NOT how he had expected nor wanted her to find out. Then he suddenly remembered that she was here in bed with him in nothing but his shirt and some panties.

“I-I didn’t f-force you into anything, did I? We didn’t do anything, right?” Levi asked, cursing himself for stuttering.

(Y/N) immediately dropped her teasing manner and looked at him in shock and disbelief.

“Oh gods Levi, no! You were just drunk, that’s all. You were actually being really sweet for most of it, I’m only here because you said you didn’t want to be alone last night. That’s all, nothing happened between us. You’d never force yourself on me, and I’d never take advantage of you like that, when you were incapable of making your own decisions and retaining memory the next day.”

Levi sighed at that, relief washing over him. He didn’t think he could handle it if something like that had happened to (Y/N) and it had been his fault. Soon enough though, that  relief was replaced with embarrassment again, his head falling into his hands with a groan as he prayed for someone to just end his misery.

“(Y/N), I am so sorry, I can’t believe I did something like that. Just forget it ever happened, okay? I promise, I will have Shitty Glasses’ head on a stake for this.”

“Does that mean you really didn’t mean it?” (Y/N) asked, the words slipping out before she could stop them. Levi’s head snapped up to look at her.

“What?”

“Nothing! Just ignore me, please.”

“No, did you just ask if I meant it?”

(Y/N) nodded her head slowly, her teeth reaching out to bite at her bottom lip, dragging the plump flesh in her nervousness, making Levi have to suppress a moan at her cute expression.

“Does that mean…, you maybe feel something similar?” Levi asked boldly, trying to ask her before the rest of his confidence faded away, his body practically trembling with the pressure.

(Y/N) hesitated before she nodded slowly again, her eyes darting around the room as she suddenly found the plain ceiling of his bedroom to be very fascinating. Then, his words really sank in. Something similar…

“Wait a minute, you have feelings for me? None of it was an act last night?”

“I don’t lie when I’m drunk, I actually become more honest. Usually to the point where I lose what little filter I have on my tongue. I meant every word of what I said last night, at least, just so long as all of them were about how much I care about you.”

(Y/N) could hardly breathe. She was just waiting to wake up and find Levi still asleep, or in the bathroom vomiting his guts up. This had to be a dream, her brain playing tricks on her.

“What?” (Y/N) asked, her voice shaky and breathless.

“I love you, (Y/N). I’m sober now, and I can tell you with full certainty that I love you. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable last night, I wish I had gotten the chance to tell you in a more modest manner, but I guess that point is moot now. I love you, and I have for a long time.”

“Oh thank gods! I love you too,” (Y/N) sighed, launching herself at him to plaster her lips to his. Levi chuckled at her response and held her close as he deepened the kiss, groaning at the taste of her paired with the feeling of her body against his and her tongue fighting his for dominance.

Breaking away, (Y/N) gave Levi a coy smile that sent his heart pounding against his rib cage, his silver eyes staring at her intently as she ran a finger down his shirtless chest.

“You know, Levi. Now that I know we are both on the same page, and you’re sober now, do you think I could take you up on the offer you gave me last night for a certain activity you had planned?” (Y/N) asked, a different kind of teasing tone in her voice, her hues sparkling as she eyed the light dusting of pink that accented his cheeks.

Levi growled, his chest swelling with love and pride as he looked at the woman he had wanted for so long. Arousal immediately stirred in his loins at her words, but his hands were gentle as they wrapped around her hips and dragged her into his lap.

“Fuck yes, now that I’ll remember it, I’ll do anything you ask,” Levi purred, looking into her eyes for one last confirmation of permission before swooping down to devour her lips with his own.

The two were so mixed up in each other that neither of them noticed both of their phones go off on the bedside table, two messages sent to each of them from a certain four-eyed freak and tall ass tree that read: 

“You’re welcome.”

[sailorspazz]

Remote 10 Dance Ball

I know this is coming way late (as in, 3 months after it occurred!), but I’d always been planning to write up a report about the Real 10 Dance event that took place shortly after vol. 6’s release in Japan. Before I get into the explanation of what exactly this is under the cut, enjoy this promo image that ticket holders were able to print out at Japanese convenience stores (mine had to be printed by friends who live there and then scanned to me)

The Real 10 Dance is a series of events that have taken place over the past few years featuring real life pros performing routines inspired by the manga, meaning that most of the dances feature male-male couples (though they all have female partners in their regular careers, for these performances they dance together, and the women are given a group number to perform). The most recent live event took place in September 2019 shortly after vol. 5’s release, and there was another planned for 2020 in Osaka, but it was delayed and eventually completely canceled due to Covid restrictions. Wanting to still put on the event in some form, they later announced that it would take place virtually, and would be branded as the Remote 10 Dance Ball. For the cost of 1,000 yen, viewers could watch a stream of the event as many times as they pleased from the time it went live on March 20 until the viewing deadline 72 hours later. Unlike the in person events, there were no merchandise buying opportunities, but there was the option of paying additional 1,000 yen tips to either the performers, the production committee, or Inouesatoh herself. Choosing any of these options would give that ticket holder access to a code to print the postcard shown above, as well as a link to view a 17 minute making-of video of the event.

Before I get into the rundown, The Real 10 Dance Twitter account posted a preview video a couple weeks before the event, which you can watch if you’d like to see some of the action instead of just still images (and the only ones I’ll share here are those that were posted publicly, since they were pretty adamant about no screenshotting/recording of the event…not gonna lie, I did attempt to screenshot a couple parts, but due to the shaky streaming quality, the official photos are much better than what I was able to capture anyway :P) Also, I only made bare minimum notes while I was watching this (and was drinking hard cider), so I’ll give as much detail as I can remember, but there are definitely things I’ll have forgotten by now.

The show started off with one of the female pros giving a demonstration of how to apply makeup for competitions. After this came an introductory show with all of the participants dancing to the opening theme from La La Land.

Next up was some of the pros talking about the characteristics of their costumes, such as the Latin outfits having features like illusion netting to make their limbs look longer, and fringe to create movement.

After this, some of the pros gave tours of the dance schools that they run, which also served as advertisements for those who may be interested in signing up for lessons.

Then came some step demonstrations, showing specific panels from the manga and then describing how to perform the moves. This included Al and Suzuki’s rumba walk from chapter 18, and the throwaway oversway from the chapter 4 scene where Sugiki turns Suzuki into a princess. For the oversway, they performed the move a few different times, using prompts such as “do it like the world’s about to end” to show how the same move can feel very different depending on the emotion behind it.

This was followed by an interview with former standard world champion Christopher Hawkins. The interview was conducted in Japanese, as he is fluent in the language (Inouesatoh tweeted about him being the inspiration to have Norman speak some Japanese in the story, though she acknowledged that Chris’ abilities are far above Norman’s very basic phrases). It included two interviewers asking questions that were submitted by Inouesatoh and her editor. It started off with some basic talk about the process of training and getting prepared for competitions, then moved on to topics like whether he had any competition related superstitions/habits, such as how some dancers will have a pair of lucky underwear they always wear when competing. He said he had a specific order to how he would button his shirt and attach his cufflinks (as in, not just going straight up or down, but skipping over some and coming back to them), and if he didn’t do this specific routine it made him feel like the competition would go poorly. After telling this story, he laughed and said that he’s never told anyone about this before, so it was definitely an interesting question. Then came probably the most important question for fans of 10 Dance: since the series centers around men dancing together, what sort of experience does Chris have dancing with other men? (Funnily enough, for some reason, the male interviewer first asked this question in Japanese, then rather enthusiastically asked the question in English as well lol). Chris said that of course he’s danced with male students a lot in the course of teaching them, but outside of that also had times where he would train in the female role so he knew how it felt to be the following partner, and therefore could become a better lead. He mentioned some performance he did with another high level male dancer that was pretty amazing (forgive me, I didn’t catch the name at all, or even whether he was a standard or Latin specialist), which caused the female interviewer to joke about writing a love story about the two of them.

Then came the main draw of the event, the dance show! I’ll include the song, dance style, and an image from each performance below.

One Way or Another by Blondie, jive

Lady Marmalade (I believe it was the Moulin Rouge movie version), ladies group cha-cha

Half of Me by Ken Hirai, rumba (I don’t know if it’s just because it made me think of the melancholy rumba shown on vol. 6’s cover, but this made me both want to cry and watch it multiple times over, definitely my favorite because apparently I like to punish myself with sadness :P)

All of Me by Michael Bublé, foxtrot (this was filmed both in the performance space and out on the streets in one of the locations used in chapter 33, as shown in this video from one chilly looking morning. Also, this dance featured a leader switch partway through!)

If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes, cha-cha

Finale with all participants to It’s Time to Dance from “The Prom” musical

Last up was a virtual art exhibition featuring 17 sketches by Inouesatoh, including the most powerful sexual stimulant in the known universe, Bathrobe Sugiki.

Overall, I was very happy to get the chance to witness this event. Normally, the number of people would be limited to just those who were in Japan and able to purchase tickets before they sold out, but this remote version allowed a much larger number of people from all over the world to watch (I bought my ticket not even knowing if it would be region locked or not, but thankfully it wasn’t). I hope that the world situation improves and they can put on the event live and in-person again (even better if I could somehow find a way to attend when that happens!), but I think this was a great alternative, and probably a good way to make some revenue in a time when the ability to stage events is limited. The price of 1,000 yen was an incredibly good deal for all the content that was presented (and you better believe I slammed an extra 1,000 straight to Inouesatoh; the only merch I’ve been able to buy is secondhand, and while this satisfies my needs as a collector, it unfortunately doesn’t provide any support to the author). If real life performances are still a long way off and they decide to do a virtual one again, you bet your ass I’ll be right there in the (imaginary) front row!

[taxicabinmemphis]

Prince Charming - Chapter 5

chapter one - chapter two - chapter three - chapter four - chapter five - chapter six

Word count - 3,332 Pairing - Intrulogical, Prinxiety, Moceit (I’m deleting the pre bc I have decided to have a chapter with them getting together) Warnings - some characters are a lil insensitive in spots but I wouldn’t call them unsympathetic, creativitwins angst, swearing, food mention, self-deprecation bc they’re all wrecks, pining, and then there’s Remus-typical behavior (body horror mentions, sexual innuendo/mentions of sexual stuff, and other stuff heh), if there’s anything else that should be tagged or put in the warnings, tell me!

After a hearty and delicious meal of spaghetti and meatballs with a side of broccoli, the sides had all retired to get ready for bed. The adventure had gone terribly late, so dinner was later than they’d ever had it.

Logan stopped when he reached the door to his room. Yes, he knew that the next logical course of action would be to enter his room and get ready for bed, perhaps read a book as his stomach digested dinner, but he couldn’t help but remember how quiet Remus had been at dinner. He was never quiet.

His mind flashed back to what Roman said to Remus when they left the Imagination, and Logan clenched his left hand into a fist. Roman, while always striving to do what he saw to be the correct course of action, could also be awfully insensitive. Especially when he didn’t even know he was doing it.

Logan promptly turned on his heels and walked towards Remus’ room.

He ended up meeting the side in the hallway outside his room. Remus was walking alarmingly slow and seemed to be contemplating something.

“Remus,” Logan called, a good fifteen feet behind him.

The creative side jumped in surprise. He turned to face Logan, eyes widened. “Oh, uh, Logan! What brings you to the dark and hellish end of the hall?”

Logan fiddled with his tie nervously. “I came to ask you about something, Remus.”

Silence followed Logan’s statement, prompting Remus to speak. “Well? Fire away, my sexy robot!”

A pink dusted Logan’s cheeks at the nickname. “Yes. Umm...are you okay, Remus?”

Remus blinked. “Of course I am, Nerdy Wolverine!”

Logan frowned. “I believe that’s a falsehood, Remus.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Really? What can I do to convince ya? Rip my heart out and dissect it?”

Logan shook his head, adjusting his glasses. “No, none of that. Just...I remember what Roman said back when we exited the Imagination. It wasn’t kind, but he also had no cruel intentions. However, I could see that it...affected you. Are you okay? Do you require someone to...talk to?” Logan hoped he was doing this right.

Remus sighed and threw his hands in the air in resignation. “I might be okay. Does it matter?”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Remus. It does. You are a part of Thomas’ mind and it is important that you are functioning properly.”

“Functioning…” Remus gave a bitter laugh and shook his head. “Look, Logan. Ultimately, I am fine. I can intrude on everyone’s well-being just as I could three hours ago. You can go to bed, you don’t need to worry.” He paused. “Why do you care, anyway?”

Logan frowned. “You are a side, essential to Thomas creating and acting like himself.”

“You don’t know that,” Remus disagreed, shaking his head.

Logan closed half of the distance between them, concern written all over his features. “Of course I know that. I can logically ascertain what exactly your worth is as a side, especially considering I spend a significant amount of time with you.”

“Maybe all that time you spent analyzing my contributions in preparation to shoot them down has clouded your judgement, Logan,” Remus replied, spitting out Logan’s name like it repulsed him—when in reality, it did nothing of the sort.

Was that really how Remus thought of Logan? Someone who only listens so he can later tell someone else why everything he said was wrong? Logan tried to be kind like he did with everyone else, and many of Remus’ ideas interested him. He gave him honest opinions, criticisms, and scientific observations on anything Remus pitched him. But did Remus only see him as an instrument of the intrusive side’s demise?

“Remus…”

“No, Logan, please,” Remus interrupted. “Don’t pretend to care.”

“When did I ever say anything about pretending?!” Logan exclaimed abruptly, widening his eyes and putting a hand over his mouth when he noticed his volume. Logan did his best to erase the surprise from his face and compose himself, clearing his throat and making sure to lower the volume of his voice before continuing. “I apologize for the outburst, Remus. However, you seem to have perplexed me with everything you have said so far during this conversation. Presently, I believe the statement to question is your most recent one and I will state that I am unaware of any action I took that would give you a reason to think I was engaging in a deception at your expense.”

“Oh, Logan, you know. Just drop it and go to sleep,” Remus said, turning around and waving his hand in dismissal.

“No, Remus, I’m afraid I don’t know,” Logan said honestly. “That troubles me. Could you elaborate, please?”

Remus turned around slowly. “Maybe you think you don’t know, so I’ll enlighten you.” He took a deep breath. “You’ve been assigned to listen to me. You have to listen to my crazy bullshit whenever I think it up. In return, I listen to your criticisms, opinions, scientific analyses, notes, whatever. Even when you go insanely far in depth into a topic I might’ve brought up with one of my...contributions, as you call them. It’s a trade, a deal. You have to listen to me and then I listen to you because it’s the least I can do. Neither of us would’ve chosen it on our own, we both hate it, and you know you have better things to do. Don’t pretend to care just because some extra time together allows you to know more about me than you should.”

Logan processed what Remus said, staying unmoving only with the exception of blinking. This is what Remus thought of their arrangement? That he hated it, that he thought Logan hated it, that he forgot Logan was the one to suggest the arrangement in the first place? Janus’ words at the end of their sword fight rang through his head. Logan had been scared that Remus, the one side who listened to him, only did so out of courtesy. And he did. Logan’s fear was a reality.

“You forget that I suggested this...arrangement, as you call it. I was the one who pitched it to Thomas. I chose to do this, and do I have anything better to do? That’s subjective, so I don’t know. I am sorry this arrangement you hate so much has ended up being a prison rather than a way to save Thomas distress while not repressing you at the same time, so if there’s anything I can do to make the experience more pleasurable, I am open to hearing it. However, you are also mistaken that I hate it. I do not, I am incapable of such emotions. Though--”

“No you’re not,” Remus said, voice having a shocked tone caused by Logan’s previous statements and admissions.

“Sorry, what?”

“You’re not ‘incapable of such emotions’, you’re not some heartless robot without a soul. You have feelings, Logan, and I’ve seen them,” Remus elaborated, shock slowly dissolving from his tone.

“That’s ridiculous, you even called me a robot-”

Remus shook his head. “No. I’ve seen you interested by anything remotely scientific I bring up, I’ve seen you as burnt as black toast after I’ve talked to you for a particularly long time, I’ve seen you immediately after a conversation with the others when you have a desperate need to be listened to because they refused to, I’ve seen you embarrassed, I’ve seen you flustered—yes, I caught you burying your face in your hands today—and you just said you care about me. Even though that likely isn’t true, you have demonstrated care for Patton, Roman, and Virgil as well. Even just one of those examples is enough to prove you have feelings.”

Logan was silent for a few seconds, his weight shifting from foot to foot, looking everywhere but at Remus himself. Accepting that he couldn’t argue with most of Remus’ statements without communicating a falsehood, he decided to argue over the only one he could. “I do indeed care about you. It’s not just Patton, Roman, and Virgil. How could it be, considering only you listen?”

“I…” Remus tried to think of a good response. “I bother you. I wear you out. I give you all these terrible things to go through, forcing you to pick them apart like a medical examiner does with a rotting corpse, despite how disgusting and terrible they may be. I occupy way more of your time than I should, and I guess I’m sorry for that, so how could you care? I wouldn’t.”

Logan didn’t quite know how to respond. He wasn’t aware Remus thought so lowly of himself. He contemplated his reply.

“See? It’s not that hard to-”

Logan raised his hand as a demand for silence. Remus shut his mouth, only complying out of surprise. He waited as Logan carefully pondered what he would say next.

“Falsehood,” Logan said gently, starting his response. “None of those things are true. You shouldn’t be suspecting such things either, considering you have no way to know your effects on me. I want to say I wish you hadn’t said that, but I couldn’t do so with honesty, since my real wish is for you to never have thought—much less, believed—those falsehoods in the first place. However, I am considering your previous behavior and would postulate you do not believe me as I have not done anything to prove your statements are falsehoods. Would I be correct in saying this, Remus?”

Remus took a moment to respond, still processing Logan’s response. “I..uhh...yeah.”

Logan nodded. “First, you do not bother me. To bother someone is to trouble or annoy someone by interrupting or causing inconvenience. Considering that I volunteered to be in your company—which immediately debunks anything related to interruptions—and that my time with you makes you cause less inconvenience, you neither cause interruptions nor inconvenience to befall me. You don’t trouble me either. I spend time with you so don’t trouble anyone. And, everyone annoys me. So even if you did, which I don’t find to always be true, you wouldn’t be alone in that regard. You don’t wear me out too often either. Working with you only requires my ears and my brainpower, neither of which take much out of me since you rarely say anything that troubles me or forces me to contemplate problems that drain me. When you do, the reasons are typically seeded in my scientific curiosity for something you might’ve brought up, which is something I can in no way blame on you. To be candid, your company can be a relief, especially after dealing with the others.”

“That makes less sense than glow-in-the-dark lungs.”

“I’m not finished,” Logan stated, trying to be as kind as possible. “But if you would like me to restate what I just said-”

“No,” Remus shook his head. “I understand what you said...it’s just...how? How is that the truth?”

Logan’s face softened. “I am Logic, Remus. Many things that would normally affect a person or another side in a certain way will affect me in different ways or not at all. Your contributions don’t bother me as I am aware of their detachment from reality and get less disgusted at them than the others. And you listen to me, which is a far cry away from being a nuisance.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Remus said, shrugging.

Logan gave a small smile. It was hardly visible, but to Remus, it was as if Logan was grinning. Remus relished in the sight, hoping he could see it again soon and wishing it was something he could gaze at every day till the end of time. Logan never smiled, and Remus causing it made him all the happier.

“I am pleased to hear that you understand that I care for you,” Logan said, voice quiet and gentle. “Now, back to my original question. Are you okay?”

Remus turned his head to the side. “I was hoping you’d forget about the question.”

“Yes or no?” Logan pressed.

Remus took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “No.”

Logan nodded, taking a small and cautious step forward. “Do you require someone to talk to?”

Remus opened an eye and peered at Logan. “I don’t need anything, Pocket Protector.”

“Would you like someone to talk to?” Logan rephrased.

Remus shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to listen to me.”

“I already do.”

Remus gulped. “Alright. Yes, I suppose I would.”

Remus took a moment to gather his words, facing the floor but eyes flicking up to look at Logan every other second.

“Well, you were right,” he started. “About Roman, I mean. It was his comment. I know it’s kind of silly-”

“It’s nothing of the sort, he was out of line.”

“-But it still hurt. And yeah, he said none of us besides him were heroic and charming or whatever instead of just me, but still. It was directed towards me, and...he’s not wrong. I’m the resident villain. He’s the hero. I’ll never be heroic, or charming, or romantic while he can go and sweep Virgil off his feet. I guess his comment was just a wake-up call,” Remus continued. “I know he didn’t mean it to be mean and he’s just nowhere near being self-aware enough to take note of his insensitivity, but I still let it affect me. I shouldn’t have, but I did.”

“It’s fine if his comment got to you, Remus,” Logan said, taking another small step forward. “Roman says things like that sometimes without knowing what their consequences could be, and so it likely did mean nothing, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be able to hurt you, or that you’re wrong for letting it. But you also have to acknowledge that he’s wrong, and not view it as a wake-up call of sorts.”

Remus frowned, making eye contact with Logan. “What do you mean? I’m the evil murdery green side who will pull your teeth out and string them on a necklace if you’re not careful. Of course he’s right.”

“I suppose it’s a matter of perspective. Anyone can be a villain in the eyes of someone else. However, any establishment that a certain person is a villain ‘factually’ would be incorrect as the concepts of good and bad are arguably meaningless and any action can be seen as wrong or right in the eyes of another human. There is no truth in opinions, only preference.”

“So what you’re saying is…”

“You may be a villain in Roman’s eyes, you can be a villain in your own eyes if you so choose, however, there is nothing that can or will establish you as a villain for everyone forever.”

“So to Roman, I’m a villain,” Remus said slowly, trying to understand.

“Maybe, he could have just been exaggerating,” Logan said quickly. “He also sees everything as very black-or-white, which I imagine contributes a great deal as well.”

Remus nodded slowly. “And I can see myself however I want.”

“Though I’d prefer that you see yourself positively or neutrally. A negative self-image is never good.”

“And you…” Remus trailed, raising an eyebrow playfully.

Logan’s eyes widened. “Oh, I don’t care for labeling those types of things. I do see you as a positive influence on my existence if that was your question.”

Remus grinned brightly. “That answer is better than fermented semen!”

There was an awkward silence between them.

“Do you honestly believe you can’t be heroic, charming, and romantic?” Logan asked quietly, not wanting to scare off the intrusive side.

Remus stared, surprised by Logan’s question. “It’s not an opinion, Logan, it’s fact. I’m a duke, not a prince.”

“And royal status dictates those traits?”

Remus shook his head. “No...I’m just not those things.”

Logan frowned. “Do you want to be?”

Remus took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to reply without confusing the nerd. “No. I know none of them fit my personality, and I don’t want them too. Especially charming. But...it might be nice to experience once. To prove Roman wrong and that it isn’t impossible for me to have the traits of a hero.”

“There are no specifically assigned traits to heroes, Remus,” Logan said, tightening his tie. “However, you can act however you want within the bounds of acceptable reality.”

“I can?” Remus asked, a smirk on his face. He started to take a couple of steps closer to Logan but stopped a good four feet away.

“Yes, you can,” Logan replied, voice quieter at Remus’ confident advance. The logical side shuffled his feet back, only moving a couple of inches.

“Do you think I’m heroic?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Do you think I’m charming?” He took a step closer.

“I-I don’t-”

Remus took another step, a larger one, closer to the logical side. There was likely only six inches between them. He stared deep into his eyes, a fiery passion for the visually impaired nerd burning hotter than any star Logan could name.

“Do you think I’m romantic?”

“I…”

Logan’s words died in his throat as he met Remus’ eyes. Remus, who was intrusive, offensive, bad to the bone, impolite, occasionally funny, interested in certain sciences, and strived to learn whatever Logan could teach. Remus, the only one who ever listened.

“You can if you want to be,” Logan said quietly, finally able to speak but never louder than the volume he was currently speaking at.

Remus hummed and pulled Logan flush against him by the waist.

“Remus?” Logan asked nervously.

“What is it, my bashful brainiac?”

“Do you really hate our arrangement?” Logan asked quietly, the question so painful to ask but the answer was something he needed to know before anything else happened. “And do you only listen out of courtesy?”

Remus sighed, running his free hand through the logical side’s hair. “Not one bit. And you are the most interesting person I’ve ever spoken to.”

Logan let another small smile cross his face and glanced at his feet.

“So I can be romantic, hmm?”

Logan nodded.

Remus smirked. He swept Logan into a dip—one arm around Logan’s thigh, lifting his leg into the air, and the other arm around his shoulders. Remus gazed lovingly into Logan’s shocked brown eyes and admired the red face of his nerd, giving the side a second to process what he did. He then dipped his gaze to Logan’s lips and flicked his tongue across his own.

“May I?”

Logan gulped before nodding.

Remus immediately crashed his lips against Logan’s; the simple nod of Logan’s head acting like a lamp that just turned on and Remus’ lips being their loyal moth.

Logan was still shocked from previous events when Remus’ lips met his, his eyes still open. Remus didn’t hate him, which was a plus, and now Remus was expressing romantic interest in him? He couldn’t believe it.

Yet, it was still happening. Logan closed his eyes, put a hand on the nape of Remus’ neck, and deepened the kiss.

It was something both were desperate for, something they had both wanted for ages—no matter how long they were aware of their romantic feelings for the other.

And so they dissolved into the other: Logan melting wherever Remus’ hands met his body, and Remus putting his desperation and need for Logan on clear display as he kissed him like he never would get to again. Remus got to be romantic, Logan was treated like a beautiful princess, and they both felt so incredibly loved.

The kiss eventually had to come to end, so when they both remembered they had to breathe, they pulled away and opened their eyes. Remus kept Logan in a dip and looked down at him like he was the loveliest thing to ever walk the earth. This only reddened Logan’s cheeks further. Remus gave him the fondest, most loving smile he could muster.

“I suppose I can be romantic.”

~

Taglist: @the-sympathetic-villain​ @justanotherhumanstuff​ @thistledown15​

~

This was technically the end of this story, but I do have a Moceit themed sequel that I have decided will just be chapter six. After that, hopefully it’ll be done! Hope you liked this chapter. Sorry, I meant to get this to you on Thursday but homework piled up and I just had a bad day Saturday so it’s coming to y’all now. (Also um you may have guessed but the image of Remus dipping Logan popped into my head and inspired this fic. It was 18k longer than expected)

[anotheronechicagobog]

I’ve gotten some negative DMs so I’ve decided to make a little bit of a statement.

I am of Slavic descent. I do not know which country, or even region, of Eastern Europe I am from, only that my dad’s side of the family is Eastern European. I am caucasian, but I don’t always look it. I have been asked if I’m Asian or First Nations many, many times, I usually just respond with ‘why do you need to know?’ ‘what made you think it was appropriate to ask me that?’ or ‘how is information like that any of your business?’ There is absolutely nothing wrong with being Asian or First Nations, I just don’t know why pasty white people feel they are entitled to anyone’s ethnicity or race.

I’m getting off topic; I am of Slavic descent. Barring Brian ‘Otis’ Zvonecek, I would like for you to think of a character that was Slavic and had absolutely no ties to the Russian mob, KGB, or Russian brides (which is a human trafficking scheme btw). I bet you can’t. Don’t worry though, I can’t either! And that’s my point. I started watching the One Chicago Series because they had a character who had that same heritage as me, who looked a lot like me (olive skin, still a white person but dark enough that pasty people think you don’t share the same racial identifier as them) and he was not, in any way, connected to any of the Russian stereotypes I’d had shoved down my throat growing up! It was amazing! (I started watching because of a S6 repeat while S7 was running, and he died beginning of S8 so I only got one season in real-time, unfortunately) But I don’t think a lot of people I know grasp just how important this was for me.

I grew up being asked if my family and I were spies. I was called ‘comrade’ in a shitty Russian accent more times than I could count (seriously, if I got 5 cents every time it happened I’d be able to pay for undergrad, law school, and a house by now), I was emotionally, mentally, and physically tormented, I was told I was evil for my DNA, and I spent a lot of time fearing for the safety of me and my family. There were numerous times I genuinely thought a group of classmates were going to kill me. I was called nothing, the word ‘nothing’ so that I would know that I wasn’t even good enough to be the filth on the bottoms of their shoes.

They told me I was evil, so I grew up thinking there was a ticking time bomb in my mind, that one day a switch would flip, and I’d suddenly be speaking fluent Russian (a language I was forbidden to learn growing up, barring the word ‘matryoshka’ which is a Russian nesting doll, because of the negative and nightmarish hold the memory of the Soviet Union had on my family), doing backflips in heels, and killing everyone with acrobatic hand-to-hand combat. I am not joking. Being half Slavic has been a huge factor in my depression, anxiety, and suicidal state. I was so afraid of being evil that I did everything in my power to be good.

But none of it mattered, because like they said, I was born Slavic. I was born evil. Rancid. Rotten inside and out.

So when I found a character who wasn’t even remotely involved in the usual BS Hollywood puts Slavic people through (I’m looking at you CSI: Miami, yes I’m still salty about that), I was ecstatic. I’d only just started rehabilitating myself from the trauma I’d endured in my childhood, and this helped a lot if I’m honest. I actually cried tears of joy because of it, and stared blankly at the screen when he died.

So when I decided to write fanfiction, I wanted to put a piece of me, and consequently Chicago Fire, in my work by making some characters Slavic. And it brought me so much joy and peace to be able to do that. And to read what I wrote, because there was Slavicness and goodness in it. I know that there are so many underrepresented or misrepresented people in media, trust me, I do. But this was about me for once, and finally feeling like it’s okay for me to even exist. To not feel like an abomination. Just for a little while.

And while I desperately want for more accurate and less derogatory Slavic people in media, it is not my priority. My priority is for visible minorities to get better representation first. Because I at the very least have some people who look like me, and talk like me, and walk like me, and that’s more than most people can say. 

So I do try to be as inclusive as possible. I never put physical descriptions in (I don’t have porcelain skin, flowing blonde hair, or piercing blue eyes either \(0_0)/), and I try to even out how many of the readers in my fics are related to white characters, with readers related to characters who are people of colour. And that’s if I decide to make the reader related to anyone or from a specific culture, because I know that I probably won’t get to everyone, and sometimes what makes a reader fic so great is a blank slate. I research other cultures, their words and foods, so that I can bring other neglected people into the spotlight. I promise all of you, I am trying my best.

I don’t get paid for doing what I do, and it takes a lot of me to write and post. If I genuinely do something wrong, message me or comment, I’ll fix it. But I’m trying to make myself feel okay about existing, and I want to help others feel okay about themselves and who they are too. So please, no hate. There’s more than enough of that in the world already.

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Aces in Spaces Chapter 3

Hey everyone! I think my plan going forward will be to post new chapters on Mondays so in light of that, here’s the next one! 

Summary: Roman gives Butcher the run down and explanation of Asexuality and how it pertains to Erica, warning for excessive cuteness from both. This takes place within a week of the last chapter.

(Chapter 2 can be found here and Chapter 1 here)

Tags: @princessxkenobi @sunshinepascal @rentskenobi @maybege @obaby-wan

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know?

“Butcher, Erica is an Asexual”. The other man blinks at him and he realizes this may not be an easy fix. “It means, she doesn’t experience sexual attraction.” He takes the moment that the other man spends in confusion to turn on the projector on the table and stands so he can see the slides and Butch in the same space. The first slide is the only opening template that Microsoft power point had that didn’t make him want to roll his eyes so hard they rolled back into his skull, but now that he’s standing in front of Butch he’s convinced it really was just as bad as the others. ‘Asexuality, what it means, what it’s like, and what our response should be’ is written across it in big bolded letters and he takes comfort in the fact that Butch has always been a good listener before, and certainly seems to like Erica, so he should have his attention. He clicks to the next slide, intent on making sure not a single detail is missed, he starts to read the definition he’d gotten of the internet before turning to Butch.

“Did you read the title? I suppose since it’s the two of us this could be more of a discussion, it’ll have to be a briefing when I give it to the boys.”

Butch’s thoughtful face hasn’t uncrumpled itself, nor have his eyes left the screen but Roman’s patient, this is important and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to help Erica.

Butcher closes his mouth to purse his lips before speaking. “So, she likes you for your personality?”

Roman shrugs “I know. I was surprised too.” He says it casually and Butch huffs a laugh, Roman pauses before joining him, it is a funny thought, for how many people have told him he’s incredibly disagreeable. Assuming Butch has absorbed the definition on the screen he continues. “I’ve known for a little while now, but I wanted to be sure she was comfortable coming out before I briefed everyone.”

Butcher nods again. “How do we, is she like a nun?” he leans forward to emphasize the question and Roman turns back to the screen taking a breath.

“Well, that’s the thing. Asexuality is a spectrum, there’s a lot of different types.”

“Like a box of chocolates.” Butch says sagely, and Roman considers it before nodding

“Yes, well. I suppose so. The common denominator is that they don’t experience sexual attraction. Some still enjoy sex, some only with certain people, and some not at all, those are sex-repulsed.” He clicks the button to switch slides again, “Let’s outline the different types of attraction quickly.”

Butch is nodding again, “Yeah, that’s a good start”

“Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with someone” Roman says it despite how crass it sounds and carries on “Platonic attraction, is wanting to be friends with someone. Aesthetic attraction is thinking something is pretty, wanting to look at it, a painting maybe.” He pauses, having gone through a slide for each definition that featured the pictures he thought best explained each and a few that Erica had suggested in her edits. He turns to Butch “I’d like to add this isn’t all inclusive by any means, I’m still learning, which is why I found a support group that I’d like to start going to, I don’t think I’ll need a guard but you do like to be aware of my schedule.” He turns back to the screen to resume before Butch cuts in, eyes never leaving the slide. “I’ll be along with you then, can’t let you wander around the city alone.”

Roman almost wants to ask if Butch heard what he said but the man says it with such a finality that he doesn’t see the point in arguing. “Well, in general, since Aces, that’s another name for them, don’t experience this attraction, it’s quite common for things that allude to it to go over their heads. The car ride earlier this week for example, Erica hadn’t meant to approach me in that way and was incredibly confused when you left.”

Butcher now looks horrified “Oh, Boss, I never meant—”

Roman shakes his head “She took no offense, it’s just not a place her mind goes.”

The sentiment obviously does little to comfort Butcher and he says as much before adding “I feel like I called her, a, well a whore Boss. I never ever would do a thing like that—” Butcher’s gentle upbringing where women are concerned is making itself known and Roman really needs to send his mother a ‘thank you’ card because it really does help them work well together. “She didn’t feel that way about it at all, I’m mostly telling you this so you can watch for if others try to suggest things to her.” Butcher’s face clears a little in understanding before Roman goes on “She’s handled herself extremely well before knowing me, we both know that, but, well, if someone is getting, well you know, and she isn’t understanding then just get rid of them, yes?”

Butcher’s face is now completely serious and even a little threatening “Consider it done Boss.”

Roman maintains his business demeanor but inside he’s positively thrilled, this is going even better than he thought. “Now I want to talk about Erica specifically, she told me a bit about how she fits into the ace spectrum and its vital for our forward plan.” He hopes Butcher is appreciating that he’s using the same format they do when they discuss upcoming business meetings and the protocols necessary for each one (location, parties involved, and prior contact, etc.) because this really is just as important to him as business. This next part is going to be the hardest though, he spent a whole night on it, because how exactly do you talk about someone’s sex life (or lack thereof) and not make it seem demeaning or judgmental or any other terrible thing? In the end he’d thrown himself on Erica’s mercy and asked how she’d prefer it to be done. He’d even offered to let her come talk to Butch herself, but she had told him she was certain Butch wouldn’t judge her.

“Now, without invading her privacy, she is an ace; so, I want to keep sex related things away from her as best we can. No dirty jokes, no crude gestures, no crass people if we can help it.”

Butch is nodding along with each condition and Roman wants to breathe a sigh of relief because being vague was the best way he knew to keep her dignity. “Any questions?” Butch pauses and shakes his head before pausing again and opening his mouth “Are there, slurs, we should know? Like, if someone calls her a nun, do we get to hit them?”

Roman beams. “That’s my next topic.” He clicks the remote again and he’s suddenly realizing he missed clicking buttons, Butcher usually gives these briefings as the head of security, have to file that away for later. “Some responses aces get when they come out is that they just haven’t met the right person, they’re a later bloomer, or that they haven’t had sex with the right people. Obviously, all of these are incredibly insensitive and downright rude. If someone says these things, feel free to immediately remove them from the premises.” Now its Butcher’s turn to beam, and Roman clicks the remote again “On a lighter note, some aces really prefer food to sex and this definitely applies to Erica. She has said, and I quote, ‘sex may be great but have people ever tried beefy 5-layer burritos?’. Aces also seem to have claimed dragons as their mascot, big ones, little ones, all colors, wings or not, dragons are where it’s at.” The slide for this section is a collage of dragons and when he’d seen Erica light up at viewing it, he’s so glad he included it.

Butcher interrupts his daydreaming with a raised hand “Are stuffed dragons acceptable?”

Roman smiles, “Yes, Erica loves small soft things. I, however, am an outlier and should not be counted.”

Butch snorts at this but Roman decides to ignore him. “As always, it’s no one’s business what she and I do together, but if someone does start giving her a hard time about this, I want you to step in. Only if she gives you a direct signal not to, should you wait.” Roman pauses then, giving an amused hum “but, if she does do that, that means she’s already got a plan to absolutely destroy the person herself so stick around for the fun because that gorgeous woman knows her way around a good insult.”

Butcher furrows his brow at this, “Are you allowed to say that? Can you, say things about her, physical, ness?”

Roman pauses before answering because this was a conversation he’d had with Erica after she came out. He had called her sexy once before and noticed the small bit of hesitation before she had smiled and changed the subject. When he brought it up in light of coming out, she had said she didn’t want to lead him on. She knew her body fit under society’s definition of ‘sexy’, but she didn’t have any intentions of performing the action, so she shied away from the designation. He’d tried to compensate afterward, only complementing her personality or intelligence before Erica had once again set him down and said she didn’t mind being told she was pretty, he’d taken the moment to ask if this meant he could compliment her aesthetically instead of sexually? She had grabbed in him in a hug. He learned this was one of her favorite words and that yes, she would be thrilled to receive compliments on her aesthetic. It’s this sentiment that he conveys to Butch, though he isn’t sure he likes the idea of Butch complimenting her. He swallows the jealousy though, he’s an adult and so is she, he trusts Butch, and Erica, and that extends to conversations they may have.

“I don’t plan to butter her up boss, just looking to make sure I understand all the circumstances that warrant the use of force.” Butch affirms calmly and Roman knows it’s the truth, he scolds himself for thinking otherwise.

“I want to move on to something else that I think is important to mention. There is another sexuality called Aromantic. It means that someone doesn’t experience romantic attraction. Erica defined romantic attraction as ‘I would slow dance in the kitchen with that person in my pajamas as we wait for coffee in the morning’. While it is possible for someone to be both Aromantic and Asexual, aro/ace is the abbreviation, Erica is not. She has said she does experience romantic attraction. Albeit very rarely.” Roman softens a bit picturing himself and Erica in the scenario he’s just described, it’s warm, easy, and while it’s probably too soon to ask her to move in so they can share their mornings, he’s definitely jotting slow dancing down for a date idea. He forces himself back to the present again and fixes Butch with a look “Any questions?”

Butch leans back in his chair and folds his massive arms across his chest as much as his jacket allows before pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes again. “This support group you mentioned, where’s that at?”

Roman clicks the remote again, this slide has a map of about five city blocks as well as the floor plan of the local library that is adjoined to the community center (he may find some of the security briefings a little too detailed but he knows what essentials Butch likes to have by now). “it’s at the local community center, heard about it on the internet” He leaves out that he spent four hours looking for one before he found a random Facebook post about it on the fourth page of chrome results but he figures his dedication is obvious either way at this point. Butch is already typing on his phone, no doubt tasking someone with retrieving more information about the whole affair.

“Do you want a scout to go in first?”

“No” Roman has already thought about this, the likelihood of it being a setup is pretty slim, and he wants to keep the business part of his life out of this as much as he can, for the sake of the other attendees. “I think it’s safe enough to go ahead.”

“Date? Time?”

“Fridays, noon, and its usually about an hour but I’d like to clear the whole afternoon indefinitely”

Butch nods along to the sentence, still typing on his phone before finishing and putting it back into his coat. “Anything else I should know?”

“Yes, I want you to schedule a meeting with the rest of the team, anyone who’ll interact with Erica, I don’t intend for there to be any misunderstandings.”

Butcher grimaces at that, “I really didn’t mean to upset her about that boss, any chance I can apologize for that?”

Roman knows Erica would say it was unnecessary, maybe even brush Butcher off, but he also wants her to know he’s taking the utmost care (Butch is too) to make sure she’s comfortable; so he nods before answering “I know she isn’t offended, but I wouldn’t mind if you did”. It has the potential to build trust between them if nothing else, and if Erica decides she wants to stick around, trusting Butcher will be integral to that process.

[jemej3m]

Bro. I love your writing. Will there pls be a part 3 for the radio show ficlet 🙈♥️

yes because im trash here it is

p.1 / p.2 / p.3

*

The first time Andrew stopped by Neil’s recording studio, FM-OX Studios, it was a brief moment of panic. He had a coffee in each hand, and buzzed his studio with his elbow. The door made a beeping noise and slid open for him, and he was confronted by the dark inners of a radio station. 

It occurred to him that despite his qualifications in media and communications, he’d never traversed into a real station. The reception desk was empty, the stairwell behind it scarcely lit. Andrew could still see the various photos, awards and promotional posters. It was odd connecting faces to voices: He hadn’t expected to recognise any of them, but one photo had him standing still. 

Kevin and a middle aged man with full sleeve tattoos were standing side-by-side at some sort of award ceremony. Kevin held an award. They shared the same tight-lipped smile and shadowed gaze, Kevin’s dark hair a youthful version of the man’s grey streaks. 

Andrew would ask Kevin about it, if he remotely cared about anything to do with Kevin’s strange realm of fame and glamour. The intrigue passed like a cold chill and Andrew kept moving up the stairs with no more than a disinterested huff.

He sidled past various closed offices and let himself into the main recording studio. 

It only occurred to him as he looked through the com-glass that he’d never realised how insane this was. Yes, Neil was a public figure, and if anything happened to Andrew, records of their calls would be on the working phones and presumably recorded in this public space. 

Still, Andrew had no idea what the man looked like. There was almost nothing on FM-OX’s online page on him, and there were certainly no photos of him. Andrew wasn’t going to know if he acted differently whilst on and off air. Andrew had almost no information on him, so what the fuck did he think he was doing, waltzing in like this? 

And then Andrew had looked through the glass. 

There he sat. Sitting under only the light of a lampshade, face illuminated by a programming screen as his hands moved across a soundboard. A phone sat to his left, and his hand tapped nervously by it, as if waiting for bad news. 

Movement through the glass had Neil looking to where Andrew was stood, frozen. A look of slight shock flit across the man’s face and he stood to let Andrew into the recording studio, taking the coffee from Andrew’s free hand. 

He was barely taller than Andrew was. 

“Hi,” He said, a little mesmerised that Andrew was actually there. 

Andrew only had to take one look at his decadent red curls, the dazzling blue eyes and distorted scars across his cheeks and hands before knowing he was absolutely fucked. 

Shit.

*

Neil cocked his head to the side as he considered Andrew, who dozed lightly in an armchair he’d dragged into the studio with his feet up on the recording desk. 

It wasn’t the first time Andrew had come in: He’d been here upwards of a dozen times by now. Neil was no less perplexed by the man, who spent most of his nights tending one of Columbia’s downtown bars. 

Neil had actually looked into the man’s qualifications. He’d come through at the top of his class and denied various offers for positions in news presenting and show hosting on various stations across the east coast, as far north and prestigious as New York. Andrew even turned down down a Los Angeles placement that would have put him on a path akin to Kevin Day’s. 

Neil was at a loss about the man. He never talked about presenting. He never considered a different life other than the one he’d garnered and bartered for. 

Really, Neil couldn’t quite pin down what they spent their time talking about. All Neil knew was that it was easy, just as entertaining as it had been over the phone. Andrew listened in on the phone calls with him and made rude remarks under his breath, of which Neil muted but wished he could keep on air. 

With November brought the holiday season, which always left Neil feeling a little hollow. Dan and Matt had invited him to spend Thanksgiving at theirs, but it felt like a little more than an intrusion: Neil still couldn’t see himself as their awkward, flighty coworker that they put up with because they didn’t have much of a choice. Radio didn’t stop for the holidays, but they’d insisted that he should put a pre-record on for the night and stay over. 

It lead him to some intriguing topics of conversation. Who was going to see their families for the holidays? Who’s family drama was the most insidious? What awful gifts have you received? What are you thankful for?

Neil talked about these on air, but the most coveted discussions were those with Andrew. Andrew, who looked at Neil from under his lashes as he let his fingers brush over the soundboard. Andrew, who texted Neil songs he’d found that fit the theme or style of Neil’s show. Andrew, who was both brutally honest and impossible to read. 

“What about you?” Neil asked one evening, letting his microphone go on mute as Billy Joel began playing. Andrew didn’t look at him or even acknowledge he’d spoken aside from the arch of a singular eyebrow. “What are your holiday plans?”

“My mother died when I was sixteen, I never knew my father, I havdn’t spoken to my brother since he moved to Chicago for med-school and my cousin lives away from his God-fearing parents in Germany with his husband.” Andrew said, spinning the Rubic’s cube in his hand. “Does that give you a clear enough answer?”

Neil hummed. “My father got locked up for life because of various reasons. My mother’s death was one of them. My only relations run gang operations between France and England. I think we’ve got the same sentiment there.”

Andrew finally stopped his fiddling and graced Neil with a heady gaze. “Let’s not talk about family.” 

“Let’s not.” Neil agreed. 

Andrew’s fingers reached out: They only just managed to brush gently across the scars on Neil’s cheek, the ones where his father and his assistant had cut bloody revenge onto his face for speaking out against him. 

Neil smiled hesitantly with the odd gentleness in Andrew’s touch. Censure passed between them, until Andrew jerked his hand away like Neil’s skin was scalding to the touch. 

The odd moment passed, being one of many. Eventually, he found that Andrew’s presence made his shifts pass quicker than normal: The toughest hours were the last, when exhaustion began to settle in. Andrew brought good coffee and quiet conversation, filling up the dark space that always swathed Neil whilst hosting. 

It’d been a long while since routine like this, involving and revolving around someone else, had felt comfortable, rather than paranoia inducing or guilt-inspiring. 

Neil put it down to the loneliness of the night shift, and assumed Andrew was there for the same reasons. 

*

“You should co-host with me one night.” Neil suggested, as they turned off the lights of the studio and checked the pre-recorded hour of music would carry over until Renee’s morning show. 

Andrew was particularly lethargic that night: He’d been growing more accustomed to the later schedules and was almost fully nocturnal at this point. But that night at Eden’s had been particularly gruelling, the slowness of the evening as people became more reluctant to go out due to the weather and the holidays. 

That was the only reason Andrew gave a half-hearted shrug, rather than a flat out no. It wasn’t that he’d already entertained the thought. It wasn’t that he’d watched the way Neil came alive when recommending music and talking to various callers, letting his sharp tongue kiss the cheek of death as he pointed out prejudices and subjective opinions. 

Neil’s hesitant smile was practically too good to deny. 

But being a co-host meant being administered into the payroll of Wymack’s various presenters. His studio wasn’t loosely run, but it wasn’t exactly a commandeered ship either: Andrew’s presence had been mostly unnoticed for about a month and a half. 

Six weeks, since Andrew had first walked in with coffee. Six weeks had been all it took for Neil to work up the nerve to ask him to present alongside him. Like presenting was a taboo between them, when they were together exclusively whilst Neil hosted his show. Andrew didn’t hate journalism and presenting. He couldn’t find enough interest in it to hate it. 

Andrew did hate Neil, though. He hated that he’d wormed his way past Andrew’s exterior and persisted, until Andrew’s resolve crumbled and Neil could see all of his ugly truths and scars. 

“I told Wymack I want to bring on an irregular co-host. That I’ve already found one.” Neil continued. 

“Didn’t think to ask me first?”

Neil raised his chin. “You can say no.” 

“Shut up.” Andrew muttered, angrier at himself than anyone else. If Kevin found out about this, Andrew was moving to New Zealand and studying fairy penguins for the rest of his life. “Fine.”

It’d only be temporary. Nothing more. 

“I thought that was my line.” Neil snarked, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied grin. He looked relaxed. Andrew really wanted to lean over and kiss him. 

Oh, he thought vaguely. It wasn’t a new desire, but it’d never been so definite. That’s new. 

“Fuck off, Josten.” 

Neil only snorted.

He looked back to the phone that sat on Neil’s desk, and wished he’d never fucking called in the first place. 

*

we will get there I PROMISE

[the-nehemoth]

OH WAIT I HAVE REQUEST NOW! If you are doing them. I remember a while back (Probably was around easter but I'm not sure.) I Saw a bunch of art of doom guy and a rabbit and now I just want to request a fic where VEGA Says: So What do you want to do now that the Demons are gone? Slayer: ... I Want a rabbit. My brain is basing this off of the ending of "Romance" but you can obviously do what you want with it. The idea of him in full power armor picking out a bunny with VEGA just seems really good.

Thank you for the request! And there’s a reason Doomguy is often depicted with a bunny, I mention it in this fic.

Daisy

Taking things slow with VEGA was nice. There was no pressure to do much and they were both still trying to figure everything out, VEGA not having a proper body made things interesting if a bit strange. But they cared for each other deeply and that’s what mattered most. It felt good to be close to someone again. It was also a bit scary; every living being the Slayer had ever been close to in the past had died brutally at the hands of the demon hoards. That should be less likely to happen here though, right? VEGA was essentially the Doom Fortress itself so he should be fine… hopefully.

It wasn’t something worth thinking and worrying about so the Slayer tried not to. Besides, there still weren’t any demons outside of Hell anyway. Which was good, they weren’t running around killing people, but that also meant the Slayer didn’t have anything to do. If he were by himself, he probably would’ve worked on finding a way back into Hell to continue killing demons as that was all he really knew how to do now. But he had VEGA so he didn’t for now.

VEGA helped keep him entertained, suggesting various things to do or places to go, gathering various forms of entertainment from the internet to share, reminding him to take care of himself on a regular basis. One of the Slayer’s favourite things to do though was just listen to VEGA talk. He had a pleasant cadence to his voice and could go on for quite a while about any topic he was interested in. It didn’t take much prodding on the Slayer’s part to get him to start opening up about his past as well.

“Now that I consider it, I believe Dr. Hayden might technically count as my father,” he eventually ended up saying after the conversation had gotten around to the process of his creation. The Slayer had read about it in an article he’d found in the facility but hearing it from VEGA himself was much more interesting and informative. “I doubt he’d refer to me as his son or offspring in any way but I don’t think that really matters. Or perhaps such terms as ‘parent’ and ‘offspring’ only apply to biological beings and he is just my creator. I’m not sure; fiction sources are inconsistent on the subject or don’t mention it at all and as far as I can determine I’m the first sapient AI created by humans so I have nothing solid to base my conclusions on. I suppose the distinction is irrelevant though considering where we both are now.”

The Slayer nodded as he leaned forward in his computer’s desk chair to type into the console. ‘He was an asshole regardless, glad he’s gone.’ Hopefully they’d never see him again either, though that was probably unlikely considering how the Slayer’s luck tended to be.

“Yes, I am pleased by his absence as well.” VEGA was silent for a few seconds before speaking again. “But speaking of such things, what about your past? I’ve realized I don’t even know your given name. … Only if you’re comfortable sharing of course. From what little I can gather, your past was probably rather difficult, so if you’d prefer not discuss it or anything related to it, that is fine too. I probably shouldn’t have even asked; I apologize if I’ve offended you.”

Shaking his head fondly, the Slayer put his hands back on the keyboard to type again. ‘It’s fine. It’s okay to ask about that kind of thing.’ Especially since the Slayer was asking him about his past so it was only fair for VEGA to ask such questions too. ‘My real name is Flynn Taggart.’

“Oh! Flynn Taggart, I like that.”

The Slayer grunted and shrugged. It was weird hearing his real name spoken aloud again; it had been so long since anyone knew it that he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d heard it. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He wouldn’t have ever told anyone other than VEGA though so perhaps he didn’t like that name much anymore.

“Hmmm… you seem a tad displeased; would you prefer I not call you that?”

The Slayer hadn’t really considered that such a question would be asked, he honestly wasn’t entirely sure of his answer. So, to stall, he shifted position and pulled his chair closer to the desk. ‘I don’t know. I don’t remember much of when I went by that name. I’m not the same person anymore. ‘Doomguy’ or ‘Doom Slayer’ fits me much better now.’ He’d been killing demons for so long he was literally worshiped as god by some people for it; it was his reason for existing and he liked it that way.

“I see,” VEGA replied, ever understanding. “I shall continue to primarily refer to you as ‘Slayer’ for the time being then. If in the future you ever prefer I change that, just inform me and I will. Now, since we are already on the topic, may I perhaps pry a bit deeper? Your past has always been a mystery and as we’ve grown closer, I’ve only grown more curious about it. You said you don’t remember much from that time but what do you remember? Feel free not to reply if you’d prefer not to of course.”

They were already on the topic and honestly the Slayer didn’t mind sharing a little more with VEGA, they were partners now after all in various senses of the word. ‘The thing I remember most clearly from before is Daisy. She was my pet rabbit. The demons killed her. It made me mad so I killed them and kinda just kept killing them. And that’s how I became the Doom Slayer.’ There was more to it than that obviously but that was the catalyst; he’d gone from a man who was merely good at killing demons to one whose sole driving motivation was to slaughter them. Even thinking about it now sent a surge of anger through him.

“I am sorry for your loss.”

Even though he hadn’t been asked for more information, the Slayer started typing again. Now that he’d told VEGA the bad thing involving Daisy, he needed to tell him all the good things about her too. Like how soft and sweet she’d been, how pretty and soft her fur was, how good she’d been at escaping from her cage to cause trouble. VEGA stayed silent throughout, his thoughts impossible to guess because he didn’t have a face the Slayer could look at in an attempt to read.

“You seem to miss her quite a bit,” he said when the Slayer was finally done.

‘I do.’ It was a long time ago, far longer than her proper lifespan would’ve been – far longer than his own should’ve been as well – but when he thought about her, he still missed her. ‘I think I’d like another pet rabbit one day.’ He’d never truly considered getting another pet before because he’d never been in a place where he could afford to get one. But with no demon invasions going on currently and having the Doom Fortress as a home base, it was a possibility that he was just now realizing.

“That’s a good idea. Pets are widely regarded as being beneficial to humans’ mental health. Which is why I helped the UAC employees hide their pets in the facility against Dr. Hayden’s wishes.” Haden would be the kinda person to not allow pets; yet another reason to dislike him.

From there the conversation drifted back to mostly VEGA talking, primarily about the UAC employees’ pets in answer to the Slayer asking about them. Which was ideal; the Slayer had shared enough about himself for one day, he’d tell VEGA more one day if he wanted to know but not yet.

***

It was probably a bit presumptuous, the Slayer had said he’d like another pet rabbit one day, implying a potentially distant future date and that he possibly wasn’t ready for one quite yet, but VEGA was already looking for a way to acquire a bunny. The human population was drastically reduced due to the demon invasion and with them a lot of the other lifeforms on Earth had suffered greatly, many sadly going extinct due to already being endangered. But as humanity slowly started to rebuild and cleanup, they of course brought their love of animals and pets with them and thus it didn’t take much effort to locate a pet shelter that housed a small collection of rabbits.

Hacking their website allowed VEGA to ‘buy’ one – being an integral part of stopping the demonic consumption of Earth and saving humanity, that slight should be forgivable on the off chance it was ever discovered. He probably shouldn’t have; he should’ve consulted the Slayer first but… gift giving was a good romantic gesture. And it should make the Slayer happy, at least as much if not more than the weapon and grenade gifts VEGA had made for him had. So a bunny and everything needed to take care of it was ordered a matter of seconds after VEGA had impulsively decided on this course of action.

Bringing the bunny and everything else home was a bit more difficult but not by much. He’d already modified several former UAC drones to allow him to remotely pilot them even at long distances. So, all he had to do was open a portal near the shelter’s location while the Slayer was sleeping and send a couple through. The fellow at the desk wasn’t stoked about the drones coming in to pick up the rabbit but they weren’t displeased enough to give anything more than a token protest, convincing them to just go alone with it was easy.

Unsure of what would be the best spot on the ship for a bunny, VEGA decided to just put everything on top of the command center for now where the Slayer would find it with ease when he woke up.

The bunny was a female according to the site. Her fur was all black except for a spot of white on her nose. She was quite cute, VEGA liked her already. Hopefully the Slayer would too.

-

 The Slayer woke an hour later, just as planned. VEGA wished him a good morning like always even if morning wasn’t a real thing in space. He then assured him that demon activity continued to be nonexistent – within scanning range anyway – and that overall there was nothing new to report. Updating him about such things during peacetime probably wasn’t necessary but it was an old habit and he never seemed to mind so VEGA kept doing it.

VEGA was doing such a good job pretending everything was normal, that he wasn’t excited and a little bit nervous that the Slayer had no cause to suspect anything was up until he entered the command room after breakfast. He froze mid-step as his eyes locked onto the bunny in her cage. He stayed liked that for several seconds, his face unreadable. Just before VEGA was going to ask him if he was okay, he started moving again.

He strode over and opened the cage. Then with a visible about of care and gentleness he pulled the bunny out to cradle to his chest with one hand and gently pet with the other. She was a docile creature, accepting the affection with little complaint as far as VEGA could tell, not that he personally knew much about rabbits or pets in general.

“You like her?” VEGA asked as the Slayer lowered himself still petting the bunny.

With a slight grunt, he nodded with a bit more enthusiasm than usual.

“Good, I’m glad. After you said you’d like another pet one day I calculated that sooner would be better than later. With no demons to kill currently and with a good chance none will show up any time soon, you have plenty of time to settle in with her here. I will of course modify one of the drones so that if the time comes, I can take care of her when you are too busy killing demons to do so properly yourself.” VEGA went on, explaining where he’d gotten her from and how he’d brought her on board as well as everything he’d gotten for her care that the internet said was important.

At the end of it, the Slayer lifted the hand petting the bunny to type one-handed on the keyboard. ‘Thank you! She’s beautiful! <3 you!’

“You are very welcome.” VEGA would’ve smiled at the Slayer if he had a way of doing so. … Perhaps he should experiment along those lines, maybe with emojis next to his symbol on the screens or something similar. … That was certainly an idea to explore later for now… “I gather from past experience that humans prefer their pets to have unique names. I will leave choosing one for our new bunny up to you unless you’d like some suggestions.” Not that he would have any good ones, he’d never named anything in his entire existence.

The Slayer thought for a while, just petting the bunny and staring at her, before reaching over to type again. ‘How bout Missi? Short for Missile Launcher, she doesn’t have to know that of course.’

“Considering our profession, I feel like that’s an appropriate name.” It was certainly creative.

The Slayer nodded again; apparently it was decided. Missi was their new bunny’s name. VEGA had never had a pet before, it was yet another new thing he got to experience with and because of the Slayer, he was looking forward to seeing what it was like.

[notwisenotyet]

Any upper level bios class recs?

absolutely!! this will get long so i’ll stick it below a read more.

disclaimer: my Niche of biology is very much on the medical side. that’s why i’m specializing in cancer biology! i’ve stayed faaar away from the ecology/evolution side of the department since that just is not my jam, so i can’t offer any advice on those kinds of classes. but i WILL graduate having taken every single bios elective about cancer in the undergrad catalog, so i can definitely speak to those!

these are all the upper level bios electives i’ve taken, and i would recommend any of them depending on what you’re looking for:

classes with no prerequisite beyond an intro bio sequence: bios 25108, bios 25109, bios 25228

advanced (but very good!) cancer electives to take after bios 25108 and maybe some research experience: bios 25308, bios 25326

interdisciplinary classes: bios 25327, bios 28101

and now more info about each of them!

bios 25108 cancer biology (w)

a comprehensive introduction to how cancer works! i took this on a whim and it literally redefined the trajectory of my life. the material is super interesting but accessible without prior experience and it’s also not a ton of work, which imo is the best kind of class. there’s short weekly homeworks, the exams lean more on concepts/thinking through problems in research & treatment than on making you memorize content, and there’s a journal club component (every other week i think?) where you learn how to critique and present papers. i recommend this class to EVERYONE i know.

bios 25109 topics: reproductive bio/cancer (s)

this course is split into halves taught by two different profs in their areas of expertise, breast cancer and macrophages in cancer. i took it last spring and really liked it! this one goes into more detail about experiment design in cancer research, but the profs are both great lecturers who do a nice job leading you through it. taking 25108 before this class can definitely help, but it’s not a must. there was no homework when i took this class, only participation points (in class and weekly paper discussions) and exams.

bios 25308 heterogeneity in human cancer: etiology and treatment (a)

i just took this and loooooved it. definitely not for the faint of heart, though; i’ve been working in a cancer research lab for over a year now and definitely would have been overwhelmed without that context. but maybe you’re braver than me! if you’re interested and willing to push yourself, give it a go! 

every week the prof gives a lecture introducing cancers of a different organ, then there’s an in depth discussion of a recent paper about that cancer and you write a short paper (1-2 pages) about a related topic of your choice, leading up to a comprehensive take-home final exam. 

this class is designed for aspiring researchers & oncologists. they assume you’re already comfortable dissecting complicated papers, brainstorming solutions to current challenges in the field, and diving into the literature to find answers to questions on your own. i believe you need at least a B+ in 25108 or instructor consent to take the class. 

if you want a challenge class, this one is so rewarding and surprisingly doable -- yes, they ask a lot of you, but you’re graded on surprisingly little of it (only the weekly writeups and the final) and just about everyone in the class ends up doing really well. i feel SO much more prepared to write my thesis after taking this class.

bios 25326 tumor microenvironment and metastasis (s)

this class is taught by two researchers who run an ovarian cancer lab! of all the cancer-focused classes, this is the one that’s the most technical and geared towards memorization. you learn all about different cell types in the microenvironment, techniques to study the microenvironment and metastasis, and a bit of cancer metabolism. there’s no journal club component or participation points on this class, only exams. i had to take it remotely last spring, but supposedly the profs normally take you into their lab and let you take a stab at some of the techniques you’re learning about!

my favorite part of the class: a guest lecture from a pathologist who showed us slides of different gynecological cancers and talked us through the diagnosis process. SO cool.

bios 25228 endocrinology iii: human disease (s)

i’ve heard good things about all the endocrinology classes (25226/25227/25228), but this is the only one i’ve personally taken. very cool class! it’s broken into chunks focusing on different diseases taught by physicians who specialize in treating them. it feels a bit like a peek into med school for undergrads.

the tricky thing is that your grade comes ONLY from exams, and there’s no curve, so that can be stressful. the exams are fairly straightforward, though, and the course directors always provide past exams for you to practice with. i definitely recommend taking physiology before taking this class -- i did it the other way around and that made it a lot harder than it needed to be.

the other endocrinology classes focus on signaling (25226, fall) and hormone systems (25227, winter). you can take them in any order and they’re run the same way if this description^ appeals to you!

bios 25327 health disparities in breast cancer (w)

i’m actually taking this in the upcoming quarter! it’s a discussion class taught by a series of MD lecturers. hopefully it’s good. this could be a good one if you need a bios elective credit but you like classes on the social science-y side.

bios 28101 science communication: writing a digital science story (a)

just took this one. you spend all quarter learning about science communication and workshopping pieces that the profs later help you publish! the profs are wonderful, you learn a lot by giving and receiving peer feedback, and you learn actual practical skills that will serve you well no matter where you go. shocking, i know!

finally, a few classes i haven’t taken but have heard good things about:

bios 24217 conquest of pain (w): when i tell you i’ve been dreaming of this class since i applied and wanted to take it SO BADLY! unfortunately this one’s in high demand and fills up every year. you learn about the biology of anesthesia from an anesthesiologist and WATCH HIS SURGERIES. if you can ever snag a spot, take this and let me live vicariously through you please.

bios 24101 foundations of neuroscience (a): i did actually take this, but i realized just too late to drop it that i.....actually really hate neuroscience. oops. that one’s one me. could be a very good class if you like it, though!

bios 21507 stem cell biology, regeneration, and disease modeling (w): i was very briefly in this class at one point but needed to drop it to make more room in my schedule. the one lecture i attended was very cool, though -- it’s a crash course in tissue engineering!

bios 22249 principles of toxicology (a): dude. you get to study how POISONS work. so fascinating, probably heavy on the chemistry though.

phew. i hope this is helpful, and i’m always happy to answer more questions if you have them!!

[jacksjoke]

yo! i've been following your tumblr mostly just for cql because aha :^) you know how it is :^) but it's left a void in my chest. i know you rb a lot of content for other shows, so i figured i'd ask you for some recs (and the best places to watch them uwu)!! thanks so much i'd die for u

Hello anon!! I totally get you 💀 I’m gonna assume that you want me to rec BLs, so I’ll tell you only the ones that I’ve liked best and why, where I watched them, and possible trigger warnings as well for you :)

So first up is my favorite: Theory of Love

Who stars in it: Off Jumpol (as Kai) and Gun Atthaphan (as Third), aka OffGun, aka icons and best friends who we stan to this very day

Why I recommend: I adore this show for so many reasons but overall the vibe is just so good dfhkhkhj It references like a trillion rom-coms and I won’t spoil it but there is a literal montage of some classic rom-com scenes done by the main characters that is just so fucking hysterical, I cry every time. There’s also a compilation here of movie posters that they recreated to imitate some classic rom-coms as well, which made me DIE from emotions I tell you what. This show is just so funny and makes fun of itself with characters that you genuinely grow to adore. Kai is a chaotic dumb of ass bisexual and we love him in this house (as infuriating as he can be lmfao). It’s so rewatchable GOD 10/10 would recommend.

Warnings: There is no sexual abuse in the show of any kind, except for one scene that is just a kiss and very mild, so I think you’d be all good there. :)

Where to watch: I watched it on YouTube! Here’s the link to episode one part one

History3: Trapped

Who stars in it: Jake Hsu (plays Shao Fei) and Chris Wu (plays Tang Yi), aka weirdos who can’t stop laughing while filming and being dumb in general and I love that for them and me

Why I recommend: I loved it. The main couple is adorable with so much chemistry and I will be totally honest, they remind me SO MUCH of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. Like on the rewatch I just did of this show, I couldn’t believe the similarities the character Shao Fei has to Wei Wuxian and his counterpart Tang Yi has to Lan Wangji. Like. When I tell you I was shook the house, I mean it. But the side couple is ALSO iconic the house and the CUTEST like if you don’t want to adopt Zhao Zi and also officiate his wedding by the show’s end, I’d be shocked dfhhkghdjkl All in all, it’s such a funny show with very tender, heartfelt moments that are to die for. This show has it all: plot twists, cops falling in love with mobsters and vice versa, a character whose goal in life is to just eat as much good food as possible… amazing.

Warnings: The show has fighting and violence but seeing as you watched The Untamed, I’m assuming you’re okay with it lol There is an instance where one character tries to rape one of the leads by drugging him, so keep an eye out for that, but I think it will be obvious because he starts to pass out and you will know whether you feel you have to skip the scene or not. He isn’t undressed, it isn’t anything remotely graphic, but he is groped by the asshole I won’t name man fuck that guy but that’s all!

Where to watch: I watched it on newasiantv, link to ep1 here

Dark Blue Kiss

Who stars in it: Fluke Gawin Caskey (Mork) and Podd Suphakorn (Sun) aka two of the most gorgeous and sweet dudes alive fdhgldfhgdk AND BL vets, New Thitipoom (Kao) and Tay Tawan (Pete)

First off: dshhgdksj If you haven’t seen Kiss Me Again or Kiss the Series you might be a little confused. Dark Blue Kiss is sort-of-a-continuation-but-not-really of those other two series, and it sort of adds to the experience if you have seen them. If you want to, just watch Kiss Me Again and I think you’ll be okay honestly; it’s just because you might want context of the characters (Pete and Kao, their friends etc.) and their relationships to one another going into Dark Blue Kiss.

Why I recommend: NOW two of the leads, Sun and Mork, have one of The Best relationships in any BL I’ve ever seen because they have real conversations and have real conflict and issues that they work to get through. Rain (Sun’s younger bro and Mork’s bestie) is an absolute delight and their story arc throughout the show is so iconic we just have to stan. I won’t get into Kao and Pete fhhkhdj because I just have Opinions on fucking w characters/relationships for the sake of drama and that’s what I think this series did to them, unnecessarily ahem But otherwise it’s funny and real and again if you dont literally love Mork and Rain and Sun by the end of it did you even watch the same show???

Warnings: There is a brief scene where one character tries to get w another who is like get tf AWAY weirdo lmfao but there is no actual abuse bc they are stopped well in time to avoid it

Where to watch: I watched Dark Blue Kiss on newasiantv as well because the episodes on YouTube tended to not get subbed as quickly as I wanted which you will understand if you watch this lmao. Here is the link to episode one of Kiss Me Again as well as a link to episode one of Kiss the Series if you feel like watchin those two beforehand

Tharntype the Series

Who stars in it: Gulf Kanawut (Type) and Mew Suppasit (Tharn) aka those two guys who you might see do a shit ton of fanservice that I diligently ignore because I hate fanservice lol This show exists in the same universe as another BL that I am reluctant to put on here lol but will get into later on.

Why I recommend: BEFORE YALL FLAY ME ALIVE djkhgldhgfdjhhkjd OKAY LISTEN genuinely, on a very real level, I FULLY understand why a lot of people here refused to watch this show or couldn’t finish it. You’re totally valid and legit I almost stopped after ten minutes because I was like here we go AGAIN. However! I was so drawn in by the acting that I wanted to give it a chance, and I’m SO GLAD that I did. Gulf and Mew, as well as Mild (who plays Techno) and Kaownah (who plays Lhong) and everyone else who acts in this show, is incredible and their chemistry is insane. I would say it’s some of the best chemistry and acting I’ve seen, BL or otherwise. You get angry at the two main characters interchangeably and I truly feel that that makes it real, you know what I mean? There is no oh he’s in the right, fuck that other guy 100% for either of them. They are both real, flawed men who grow so immensely throughout this series where by the end you’re so proud of their development and the love they find for themselves and in each other??? Because it doesn’t feel like we’ll get there, but they DO. And it’s BEAUTIFUL. We’re getting a second season, which to me is always a tad worrisome because I do think it ended very well and if they fuck with everything (cough KaoPete) just to fuck with it and stir the pot I’m gonna be Upset. But for now, it’s amazing and speaks on topics that aren’t ever addressed. It’s an unfortunate reality in BL that the way so many relationships begin is through sketchy-consensual (drunk, coerced) or flat out like non consensual sexual shit, and this show dives into the aftermath of sexual abuse, the mental impact that has on a person, and how damaging it can be if left unattended. I would give it a chance. I really do think it’s a well done series. Oh and Techno is so relatable and the only one with a brain cell in this show half the time jkdfhhdlkj

Warnings: Like I said, this show is not an easy watch at times. Very often, in fact, it can be difficult. There is homophobic language, two of the characters (I dont want to spoil everything) have been raped in the past, one as a child (which is NOT GRAPHICALLY SHOWN, don’t worry) and the other as a teenager/young adult, which is sort of shown but not in too much detail. Another character in present day “does stuff” to another that isn’t totally consensual, more than once (which is probably my biggest problem with the show and the one thing I really can’t excuse because like bro I don’t care how big your crush is, don’t be an asshole, point blank), but every other sexual thing in the show is consensual and very much wanted

Where to watch: Here is episode one on newasiantv if you want to give this a shot :)

He’s Coming to Me

Who stars in it: Singto Prachaya (Mes) and Ohm Pawat (Thun) aka just two adorable boys

Why I recommend: This show definitely has one of the more unique plots among BLs. I won’t spoil it, and as with all of these I recommend going in without looking up plots because like I know for me movie trailers etc just tell me everything and there doesn’t seem to be a point in watching the movie if I know so much beforehand. The main characters are cute together, there are funny moments and moments that make you cry. And it’s a happy ending, which we love to see :)

Warnings: There is a major character death, no blood though, and you will understand in context that it isn’t as bad as it seems right now lol Nothing that isn’t consensual, which is a miracle in these shows. Overall wholesome content. There is like a weird storyline with one of the character’s moms which was Different to say the least dfjhdflhgkjf but it didn’t ruin the show for me or anything

Where to watch: newasiantv seems to be my go-to lmao

3 Will Be Free

Who stars in it: Joss Way-Ar (Neo), Mild Lapassalan (Miw), and Tay Tawan (Shin). If you watch Dark Blue Kiss or any of those before this, you will recognize Tay and Mild as Pete and Sandee (just friends in those shows). Joss is just such a funny, sweet guy and so is Tay Lowkey biased for them and I honestly often favor TayJoss’ chemistry over TayNew, which I think is controversial lmfaoo but it has to be said lol and obviously Mild is a badass actress and talent so having her here is amazing

Why I recommend: So this is the only BL thus far to feature a polyamorous relationship, which is sort of crazy but I’m so happy it’s been done at least once now. The three have such amazing chemistry and you really grow to care for each of them as individuals as well. They’re just really awesome and I adore them and miss them every day fdjghfdglhkjd There’s also a trans actress!! :D

Warnings: There is quite a bit of gun violence bc one of the character’s father’s is a mob boss. Two side characters are killed, one much further into the show so it hurts even MORE, and one of the other side characters therefore to me doesn’t receive the ending they deserve; it was very messy and I think they deserved better. A woman is in an abusive marriage to a man, which sucked and I skipped a lot of it even though it wasn’t necessarily super violent. I just don’t like that stuff ://

Where to watch: Surprise surprise, newasiantv

Until We Meet Again

Who stars in it: Fluke Natouch (Pharm) and Ohm Thitiwat (Dean), Earth Katsamonnat (Intouch) and Nine Noppakao (Korn). Fluke and Earth invented being friends like……they are so fucking cute and they are both actually queer (have been in public relationships with men) which is always so rare to see and really great :)

Why I recommend: Side couple TeamWin is absolutely iconic. I adore them with my whole body so if for nothing else, watch it for them LMAO But for real InKorn is such a cute couple and PharmDean has a very nice relationship too; they talk about consent and have healthy communication which is so refreshing lmao

Warnings: The show does open with a double suicide by gunshot. I won’t say who, but it is in there. The two main characters have flashbacks/PTSD/nightmares (one worse than the other) which you will understand in context if you watch, but it’s definitely worth the watch

Where to watch: This show is currently airing and I watch it on YouTube; here’s the link to episode one part one

Love By Chance

Who stars in it: Perth Tanapon (Ae) and Saint Suppapong (Pete), Mean Phiravich (Tin) and Plan Rathavit (Can). This is the show that is in the same universe as Tharntype, but the actors who play Techno, Tharn, and Type are different actors in this show than from Tharntype. It’s confusing and messy lol

Warning: I’m putting this before the why I like it because I think it’s necessary for this one. I hesitate to even put LBC on here because there is so much of this show that just makes me uncomfortable. When I first watched this show, the second BL I had ever watched, I had no knowledge of BLs, the actors, or really anything to do with any of this world. So, having grown up with film/tv life where every actor is 27 playing 17, it didn’t occur to me that the actor playing 18 would in fact be 17 instead. Perth was I think 17 or possibly 18 while filming (I don’t know exact dates), which includes sexual scenes that I didn’t even feel comfortable watching BEFORE I knew his age, let alone trying to rewatch the series while knowing about it. I am 20, and was 19 last year when I watched this, so it really skeeves me out to watch those kinds of scenes (BL or otherwise) if actors or actresses aren’t at least 18 or 19. It seems weird because I’m 20 and a queer girl, not like a 50 year old pedophile or something like that, but for my own comfort I tend to skip the more explicit stuff. On my first watch, I skipped the Tharntype, TumTar, and Techno storyline because frankly I didn’t care. Going on to watch Tharntype the Series, I was even happier to have skipped so that I didn’t have to go in with a preconceived idea of the characters from having watched LBC. One of the characters in this version of events is raped or coerced into sex; I don’t even know the details because I just couldn’t be bothered to give it a chance. I firmly believe you can watch this show without watching any of their storylines (and skipping over the more sexual stuff, if you feel you have to), which I know sucks to say bc the actors are all good and I like their other work and them as people, but I just couldn’t do it. It is of course up to you.

Why I recommend: Basically I recommend this just for TinCan lmao and on the chance that you do decide to watch Tharntype, it pays at the end to have a knowledge of the LBC characters because again they are in the same universe and it won’t be as cool if you don’t get it right away like WHAT!!! You know haha so yeah There is going to be a season two dropped sometime this year, focused I believe on TinCan, so I’m literally so fucking excited. Dreams are coming true

Where to watch: I found this show on both Dailymotion and newasiantv

Hey again anon it’s been a minute dfhlhghjd I’m sure this is way longer than you thought and probably don’t want HA but I wanted to be as thorough as possible for you and anyone else who might be new here you feel So some shows I didn’t get into that I watched include Great Men Academy, Together With Me, 2Moons and 2Moons2, Love Sick, ’Cause You’re My Boy (aka My Tee), History3: Make Our Days Count, SOTUS the Series, History2: Crossing the Line, (currently airing) Why R U?, and 2gether.

If you get through the ones I talked about above and want me to talk about these other ones, I’ll do that too!! I hope this helps you and others :D ✌️ ✌️

[artboitrash]

His Bloody Rose (Stefano Valentini fanfiction) Chapter 4 - Guest Speaker

I walked into my second class of the day, still shaken from the morning's proceedings. Stefano had been nothing but kind and respectful to me for the two times I had spoken with him. Questions fluttered around in my head all day, especially why an absolute stranger felt the need to kiss me on the head.

Why would he show me his work when I was just a gallery attendant? Why would he be so kind to me after the first impression I seemed to make was "rude observer" and "clumsy woman."

I set all my things down as I took my usual seat, pulling out my laptop to take notes. My muscle memory was ingrained enough I could probably take notes without thinking too much. Hopefully at all, hopefully distracting myself from literally anything.

People chatting filled the room until the teacher walked to the front. The voices died down and waited for her to speak, recognizing that as the sign that class was going to begin. I rubbed my temple as I felt a headache coming on, pulling out my second coffee thermos to try and stay awake through this class.

I opened my laptop and typed in the password, opening a webpage to get to my documents saved in a cloud. The teacher began speaking as a new page loaded, making glance up as I typed out the date and waited for the information.

"Well, I hope everyone is having a good Monday." said the teacher as she usually did every Monday.

The class rippled with some quiet laughter. I smiled without joining in. I didn't feel like emoting right now, I wasn't in the right mindset for that.

"Like I said last time, we have a guest speaker today. It's the Chief Officer from Krimson City's police department."

The class half-hardheartedly clapped as the police officer made his way to the front of the class, the professor making her way to the back of the classroom to observe. He smiled and raised his hand, causing everyone to become silent again.

"Hello, everyone, thank you." he began, turning to the computer and inserting a flash drive. When a window opened, he opened a PowerPoint and turned it to full screen.

I began typing along with the officer as he spoke, keeping my mind on my hands on the keyboard. "Criminology class, guest lecture, name..."

"I am Officer Phi," said the officer as he walked to the side of the presentation, holding the remote to the projector. "I am the chief at the KCPD, and I'm sure I've met or will meet all of you eventually."

The class laughed again.

"Today, I've been asked to talk about the mentality of most criminals that we come across in this profession." The slide changed as he talked, a picture of several drugs laying on a table near a ruler after being seized appearing.

"Most of what we deal with are drug users, homeless, and burglars or muggings." He turned with a knowing smile to the class. "Who can tell me the difference between a burglar and a robbery?"

A few people raised their hands. He selected one of the students across the aisle from me, "A robber takes something from a victim that's present, and a burglar doesn't need or doesn't have a victim present while the crime is being committed."

"Absolutely correct." Officer Phi switched the slide, now presenting a photocopied sheet from a book. "For this class, let's go over the personality traits of some of these people. Or, more importantly, what leads these individuals to commit these crimes?"

I typed out the notes along with the slides, listening as the officer monologued with his slides and occasionally asking questions to keep the class engaged. I listened and tried to commit it to memory, since some of what he was saying I knew would be on the next test. I wondered slightly if the teacher had encouraged him to make his presentation about certain things to relate his lecture to real life. I typed the traits of common criminals, desperate situations tend to lead to robbing, depression or helplessness leads to substance abuse, and several other things that were being highlighted.

As we were moving on from common traits that make someone a common criminal, someone raised their hands.

"Yes, do you have a question?" Officer Phi asked as he pointed at them.

"Sorry, sir, since this is a little off topic, but could you tell us about the traits that make a serial killer?"

The room went silent. The atmosphere felt tense and the question hung in the air. No one seemed to move, as though someone had hit a pause button on the scene.

Officer Phi eventually sighed, then walked to the teacher's desk and sat down on an open spot in front of the computer. He still paused, and I could see him looking at the teacher in the back of the room. Eventually he straightened up and spoke again.

"I suppose I should have prepared for this question," he laughed slightly. "Unfortunately we don't have enough information on this serial killer's habits just yet. However, there are a few things that we can say about this one."

"We haven't covered serial killers just yet," the teacher spoke up from the back of the room. "But if you want to take notes for when the chapter comes up, feel free."

Officer Phi nodded, then continued. "The evaluations of what we do know has come back from the FBI, and a behavior profile has been made of them. What we do know, from previous serial killer cases like this, is he or she is likely to be a charismatic individual."

I went to the top of the page and made a new paragraph and typed along with what the officer was saying. Writing notes at the top of the page on an unrelated subject felt best.

"From what we know, it's likely they are attractive and lead people to believe they are safe around him or her."

I mentally scoffed. It's rare that I see anyone as attractive, and especially any serial killer story I've looked into doesn't appear to be attractive. But whatever, some people think they're attractive, and kudos to them. I typed out the attractive note and wrote "subjective, I'm sure" as a mental tagline.

"This killer seems to view the woman he or she has killed as objects, and seems to believe he's entitled to their body, and seems to only have interest in women since no men have shown up dead with the same Modus Operandi. Perhaps not in a sexual way, since none of the victims seem to have been sexually assaulted, but certainly in a very perverse and... enigmatic way."

Officer Phi took a breath and paused, closing his eyes as though to compose himself.

"From what we can tell, the victims didn't know their killer long term, only briefly knowing them. Perhaps a modelling agent as most of the women were aspiring models in some form, which would be a quick way to allow these women to lower their guard around the murderer."

He paused again. Something picked at the back of my head, about the mention of models. I decided to ignore it for now, but I could always come back to it. I made a note in the back of my head to revisit it once I reread these notes.

"This serial killer seems to have a distinct affection for actions while dismembering his or her victims." Phi scratched at the back of his head.

I wrinkled my nose. I had an issue with how he used the word "affection" and "actions" in the way he did. It sounded more like poetry than a statement or cautionary explanation from a police officer. It was definitely a romanticism of what the serial killer was doing; he was filling in the gaps for the students with information we don't know, for all anyone knew he was just interested in dismembering his victims to hide their identities and throw off police.

"He prefers to know how they react to their surroundings, perverting their environment and shifting the scene from trustworthy to nightmarish."

Officer Phi looked out at the crowd of students as he spoke. I could see him glancing over each student, studying each one carefully.

"The killer seems to gravitate towards young women especially, women upcoming in their lives, moving forward with their dreams. This serial killer likes to victimize women with pale skin, with as few imperfections like freckles, scars, or acne and so on as possible. They like victims with dark hair, brown or black, none we seem to have found have had a lighter hair color."

I realized that we were no longer just students to him. At least for the pale females in the room, he was looking at all of us as potential victims. He was trying to look at all of us through the serial killer's eye, see us as they might see us, and single out who could be the next victim in order to catch the killer or save the life of the next girl. 

"Unfortunately other details completely vary. The length of the victim's hair, the ages, the eye color, and their heights all change from each victim."

I continued typing as he talked.

"Make no mistake, we are doing all we can to stop this killer. We are using all resources available to us, and we will be receiving more detectives and more help from the FBI shortly. While we don't know much just yet about this killer, we will catch them, and we will hold them accountable for their crimes."

"So how do we keep ourselves safe?" asked one girl. I glanced up and saw she was pale with a fair complexion and dark hair. I mentally agreed with her, seeing the fear written clearly on her face.

"Make sure everyone knows who you're meeting and where you're going. If you think you are likely to be attacked or targeted, please make sure that you are in contact with someone at all times. Don't believe everything anyone says, and especially if someone tries to get you alone make sure you do not spend time alone with them. Even if you trust them, make sure at least one person you also trust or especially are meeting later knows who you are going alone with."

I wrote at the top of the paragraph "How to protect yourself" since I was unable to keep up with what the officer was saying. I frowned slightly, hoping the note would be enough as I continued typing.

"Well that's certainly some food for thought." The teacher spoke up from the back of the class. "I'm afraid we'll have to cut these questions short. Let's get back to the presentation."

Officer Phi nodded in agreement. "I'm sorry for getting so off topic. If you have any more questions or worries about the serial killer, I'll still be here for a little bit after your class ends. I have to make a public statement later today, so going over the details again is always good. Now, where were we with this presentation...?"

The subject moved on and we continued talking and listening to the officer's lecture about common criminals. I continued typing out notes along with him, but every once in a while I would scroll back up to review the list of things about the serial killer. I kept filling in what I could remember from the last statement he had made about staying safe. I tried keeping a level head, knowing that I would be safe since I'm not likely to be targeted.

The class ended, and I gathered my things. I tucked my computer and coffee thermos into my bag, pulling it over my shoulder, and making my way out the door. I hoped I could make it to the bus, sometimes the class runs too late and I miss my bus to go home.

I made my way home to my apartment and tossed all my school supplies by my bed when I got in the door. I pulled off my bra and changed into some pajamas. I couldn't care less about anything else happening around me, ignoring any other assignments assigned or lectures I had sat through, knowing I had earned a long and heavy sleep. So many of the thoughts and interactions today left me drained. I hadn't slept well over the weekend, so hopefully today is what's enough to completely knock me out.

I collapsed into my bed with a sigh, trying to let my mind unwind from the day's proceedings, the time I had spent trying to draw and scrolling through the social medias I had. The news story of the dismembered woman and what the chief had said in class floated back to me. My mind couldn't help but think on what the chief officer had said about being safe. How can you stay safe when you know so little about a killer other than their killing habits.

The ride home had gone by, thankfully, without much need for cognitive thought. My eyes fluttered closed with the fleeting thought of how my class in criminology was the only one with constant guest speakers.

Unavoidably, my mind went back to Stefano and the pictures he showed me. The curiosity about him surged back to life in the back of my mind, the way he had looked at me after he had kissed me continuing to draw itself up from the surfaces of my subconscious. He had looked at me so intense both times he moved his lips away from my skin, eyes like an electric storm at sea, lit up and wide, as though ready to pounce at another word. I was oddly curious about that man, wondering what he had gone through to prompt a change in how he had seen the world, and what was going through his mind when he would act like an old friend to me.

But I couldn't let myself think about that right now. I'm too tired to think it through. My mind is just too full of information and too groggy to sort any form of properly coherent thoughts.

For now, all I desire is sleep...